Spiked Punch
"I HATE you!" Rarity violently neighed at me. It was at that moment that I had realized I should give up on my dreams to be with her. It was never going to happen. It was just a stupid daydream, floating in its bubble cloud atop my head, and she had popped it with her neatly filed hooves.
What was this argument about? Well, you see, not even I have much of a clue. I was helping her on a dress, and she told me to get a jewel to place on the collar. Apparently, the jewel that I had chosen was not "posh" enough. I kindly asked for her to explain what she meant by a "posh-enough" jewel, but she just called me uncultured and stupid. Soon enough, smoke began to puff out of my nostrils, and I just ate the jewel instead, because I had worked my ass off for her and deserved some kind of payment, not to mention I was a bit hungry from working so much without a break.
So, being the snooty bitch she was, she threw me out, and I realized that it was no use to chase her anymore. She may be a gorgeous marshmallowy mare with sapphire eyes and an extraordinary amethyst mane, but the catch to all of that was her conceited and bitchy behavior. I mean... I could find somepony better, right?
However, just because I was done with her didn't mean I was really over her yet. I visited Twilight and almost cried my little heart out, despite how tough I believed I was.
"There there, Spike." Twilight cooed. She stroked my head with her hoof, comforting me, before bringing me into a warm hug. "You'll be over it eventually. I mean, she never really was into you. She just appreciated your help at her boutique."
I pouted at her. "That isn't helping." I said, rolling my eyes. She sighed aloud.
"I know, I know. I'm bad at all this." Twilight responded, pulling out of the hug. "Hey, cheer up though. Try to do something fun. If I'm not mistaken, Pinkie is hosting a birthday party for Fluttershy over at Sugarcube Corner right now. I would be there myself, but I'm busy with my princess duties and stuff." She seemed to get an idea. "Hey, would you mind taking this gift to her? I was going to take it to her once I found the time, but since you're not at Rarity's anymore, you can do it right now, right? Plus, you can have fun at the party. Kill two birds with one stone, why don't you?" She used the magic from her horn to place a small gift box in my hands. "Make sure she opens this in private... don't ask why."
I decided to crack a joke to cheer myself up a tiny bit. "I don't think Fluttershy would be very happy if I killed two birds on her birthday... but sure, I'll go ahead and go. Thanks for the advice, Twi." And so I raced out the door and back out into Ponyville to get to Sugarcube Corner.
When I finally arrived, the place was packed with ponies, ponies, and more ponies. Actually, even Gilda the Griffin decided she'd attend. Fluttershy was opening presents, so I ran under everypony to slip her the one Twilight had sent. "Open this in private later, it's from Twilight. She won't tell me why it's secret, but apparently it is." I whispered. She blushed embarrassedly as if she could already tell what it was, but forced a smile.
"O-oh hey Spike! I'm glad you made it! And thank you, I'll be sure I open it when I'm alone later. Tell Twilight I a-appreciate it...!" She squeaked shyly.
Then, Pinkie noticed me as well.
"SPIIIIKE!" She screamed. She pulled me aside to the punch table, and poured me a glass so quickly that I couldn't even refuse it. She shoved it up to my face. "TRY THIS PUNCH! OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH IT'S SOOOO GOOOOOD!" And so, to make Pinkie happy, I faked a smile and gulped the entire cup down, soon regretting doing so. I got really dizzy, and almost fell down.
"P-Pinkie... what's in this punch...? It tastes like alcohol..." I said, rubbing my head.
"That's because it is alcohol, silly! she squealed, laughing as if it was the funniest thing she had ever heard anypony say.
"Why is there alcohol in the punch...?" I said, a bit worried. She snorted laughing, and rolled her eyes at me.
"I don't know, I'm not a genius or anything. But it's obvious somepony... SPIKE'd the punch!!!! Haha!!! Do you see what I did there? SPIKED the punch??? I guess you could call it... PUNch! Did you like the PUNCHline of that joke? Or the PUNchline...?" She couldn't stop with the bad puns, but after burping a bit, I began to laugh along with her. But then, she said something that made me question exactly how much punch had gotten to her head. "Do you kn-know what'd make this punch BETTER?" She asked. I shook my head. "SEX!" She exclaimed. A few of the ponies at the party were staring at her. I shushed her a little.
"Pinkie, you're being a little too loud. Everypony is starting to notice you're drunk." I whispered, trying to be serious, but giggling a little.
"O-ohhh, yeah, you're right!" She whispered. "But sex would make this taste better!"
"You're saying that having sex and drinking this would make it better?" I asked, confused. Anything can confuse someone who is drunk, but I think this in general would confuse someone who wasn't.
She laughed obnoxiously again. "No, silly!!! Having sex INTO the punch and THEN drinking it would make it taste better! See? Taste how boring it is!" She shoved more punch down my throat so I swallowed it, causing myself to get dizzy and more drunk. I hadn't had nearly as much punch as she did, but I was only a baby dragon; plus, I had never consumed alcohol before, so it had a huge effect on me.
"Y-yeah... it is pretty boring..." I agreed with her, nodding. I became lightheaded, and laughed some more.
"You know what we should do...?" She asked, giggling a little.
"What...?" I wondered. I began to sip more punch. She whispered to me.
"We should see if it'll really make the punch taste better~" she cooed. I spit out the punch that was in my mouth in shock, and all she did was giggle more. "See? It's nasty like it is right now, isn't it? We need to enhance it."
I was a little nervous. My baby dragon heart was pounding in my chest, but being drunk as fuck, I just nodded in agreement. I guess I was over Rarity for sure now, since I was about to lose my virginity to Pinkie.
But hey, what was so bad about Pinkie? She was thicc from all those cupcakes, man. The good thicc. She had perfect curves, and had a diet of sweets and fun. She was always happy and adventurous as well. And also, you know, not a bitch, like Rarity. I could deal with Pinkie... right..? Right???
She snatched the punch bowl from the table, and of course, everypony stared. "Just refilling it!" She shouted.
"But it still has plenty of punch in it..." Sweetie Belle remarked. Pinkie frowned.
"N-no it doesn't! As party hostess, I must always keep it filled!"
And so Pinkie lead me to her room, locking the door behind us.