The Good,the Bad & The Drunk
''Drink,Drink,Drink,Drink,Drink,Drink!!!''
I cheered loudly while I moved my fists up and down.Bender poured the liquor super-fast into his mouth.
''Common,i have seen fish that could drink water even faster!'' i challenged my iron buddy.
Bender frowned and he started to drink 10 bottles at the time.I watched him with big,amazed eyes... Bender almost never drinks ten bottles at the time.It was so amazing to see him drinking.
After a few seconds he smashed the bottles wildly on the table.
''...Try to...beat that... meat-bag.''
Bender panted as i observed the vodka that was dripping out of his mouth.I giggled and gave him an applause.
''Not bad....not bad...but how about this!'' I grabbed 3 bacardi's and putted them all into my mouth.
Alcohol was never an enemy of me...it is my friend and most of it...a good excuse for my problems usual.
After i licked the last drops of ''Bacardi'' of my mouth i released the bottles from my lips and trowed them without a care and an satisfied smile behind the couch.''Burp'' My gosh...i-i think it's going to be a wild night tonight...''
i said muttering in myself. Bender nodded his head.''You still got it,Fry!''
I looked back at him. ''I learned from the master.'' i replied with an wink.I talked with an double tongue,my stomach made bubbly sounds.Yes...those symptoms were easy to recognize...
S a T u R- N i G H T
It was the night that we both kneww as : DRINKING-TIME! Especially for me and Bender.Whenever that time finally arrives,we go and take a seat on the couch and just drink all the alcohol we have in the house...or could i better say...''Apartment''.It was actually the plan to invite Hermes,Amy,Leela and Dr Zoidberg,but that was before we found out that if they drink with us...we didn't had enough alcohol for ourselves!And Bender had a deal with me : ''We are going to drink until we pass out!''Okay,it was not a great deal,we had many moments of puking,running drunk through the ''Planet Express'' building and many many hangovers.But it's all about the fun!
Bender slowly stood up.
''Now i have a challenge for you,Fry!'' Bender walked not even drunk towards an closet.
I knew that bender only gets drunk when he doesn't drink alcohol and only is sober when he drinks alcohol.I know that that was confusing for me,but i always had remembered that,but now.I totally forgot most of my knowledge...and that all because of 3 Bacardi's.Bender came out of the closet with an green bottle.It had an beautiful,red bow around the bottle's neck and i was pretty sure that it had to be an very expensive prize.
''I challenge you to drink this!'' Bender shouted while he gave me the bottle.
''Man,there sure is allot of dust on this bottle.'' i declaimed while i whipped the dust away from the etiquette. ''Urgghurghurgh!'' i coughed.
''Apple -C i D e R'' I spoke.
I felt the bottle with my hands.It felt cold,cool,smooth but when i looked what was inside the bottle i felt my stomach turning.
Big,yellow pieces of some kind of slime floated around in the cider.I covered my mouth with my hand.I got suddenly an weird feeling.The unwished feeling was like me going to puke any second!
''Uhm...B-bender,are you sure that this Apple-Cider isn't over date?'' i asked shocked while i looked at my buddy.
''No need to worry,common drink it!'' Bender said encouraging.
''But i don't want to drink it!'' i replied scared.
''What are you,a chicken? Common,less nagging more drinking!'' Bender demanded angry.
''B-but it has yellow slime...'' i nagged.
''Drink it!!!'' Bender shouted in my ears.My eyes grew an inch and i popped the bottle open.I stood up and drank all the cider in 20 seconds.When the bottle finally was empty i collapsed to the ground.The world was spinning in front of my own eyes.i saw the couch changing from form and color. My view changed into an black screen. with nothing than only the color,black.I heard Bender's voice whispering :
''See Fry.....that wasn't so bad.....so bad...so bad...so bad....so....bad.....so....ba...''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
''Rise 'n Shine!'' A voice echoed into my ears.
My eyes prickled from an warm,glowing glow.I opened them with an shock and i quickly sat up straight.I looked up and saw a big blue,with clouds filled sky with an sun that shined down on my face.
I raised my hand to shield my eyes against the sunbeams.
''Gosh,where am i?'' i asked myself while i was looking around.Apple tree's.... Apple tree's....a barn...and again Apple tree's were surrounding me like it was the CIA trying to get a thief out of the white house.
''What did i do last night?'' i whispered in terror.Suddenly i forgot that i heard a voice...it must be the owner of all these Apple-tree's! I didn't even knew that there were Apple-tree's in New New York.The Professor said that they were all extinct in America on 13 may 2555...
''Howdy,partner!''
I quickly turned around to find out who's voice that is.I stared at an orange face with freckles and big,beautiful green eyes.
She hat an cowboy-hat on her head and she had gorgeous blond hair with an braid.I quickly crawled away against an Apple-tree.
''W-what the...'' I stumbled in fear.
Hooves,Pony-tail,Hooves,Muzzle,Hooves,baskets full of apples and most importantly : HOOVES! She was an pony!
''Y-your a pony!'' i shouted amazed.
''Haha,yes and your ah Pegasus!'' The Orange mare replied while she pointed her hoof towards me.
''What!?'' i yelled in disbelieve. i looked into a puddle of water and saw a Pony version of me with wings. I gasped and looked at my hands.
''That's strange...In this world i am an Pegasus through the eyes of these guys...but i keep my own normal body!''
I moved my arms and the wings from the Pegasus in the puddle did the same.
''Ar' ya'll right,partner?'' The orange mare stepped in front of me.
''Yes,i am fine...'' i replied while i looked away from the puddle.
''Do you maybe know where i am?'' i asked kindly while i turned back to the pony.
''Well yer on Sweet Apple Acres,the biggest Apple-orchard of Equestria!'' she replied me with an huge smile.Her smile quickly turned into an awkward one.
''Soooo,what we're ya doin' in mah orchard? Ooh,ah know! Yer one of tha bran' new Employee's! Ah'm ah right?''
she asked me with an smile.
'Don't say anything stupid,Fry...this pony is up to something and you don't know what it is...so just say no and walk away.'' my brain whispered to me.''YES!....Yes i am the new...employee!'' i spoke loudly.I hushed for a few seconds until the orange pony started to laugh.
''Yer a cute one...Ah'm Applejack,nice to meet ya!''She holds out her with mud covered hoof.I smiled widely while i wrapped my fingers around her hoof and shook it with glee.''I'm Phillip.J.Fry but just call me Fry!''
''Okay Fry,yer first job is to carry these baskets to that big,red ol' barn over there!'' Applejack gave me her Baskets full of shiny apples.
''Sir,yes... mare!'' i replied nun-enthusiastic.An half hour later i carried the heavy,but oh so delicious,baskets of apples up the hill.With mutters and shutters and sighs and relieves i finally reached the top of the green hill.
'Yes....I.....made it.....finally.'' I panted heavy while i whipped the sweat of my for-head.
''That's amazing for yer first time,Fry! Now ah would like ya'll to meet mah big brother ; Big Macintosh. Big Mac,This is Fry! He's our new employee.''Applejack Explained while she points at me.
''Uhm Hey Big mac!'' i said.
''Howdy there.'' The red stallion replied back with an smooth western accent. I putted an arm around the stallion's neck.
''Hey,did you know that i ate you everyday at McDonald's?'' I laughed childish.
Big mac looked awkwardly at his sister while he shook his head.
''Enope!'' he said quickly.
''What's ah McDonald? Ah well never mind,you stallions carry these last baskets over to tha barn. After that ya can take ah break,Big mac and Fry,I've got some more chores for ya when you arrive at tha barn,so see ya'll later!'' Applejack tipped the top of her hat and she made a sprint to the barn,leaving Big mac and me behind with two baskets full of apples.
A few minutes later me and Big Macintosh were on our way to the barn...with 200 tons of apples in our baskets.
''Common,Fry! We have tha go on now!'' Big mac shouted at me.
''Can't...go on....go ...without me...save yourself!'' i panted.
''Ya only took one step...''
''It's hard for me to carry,you know!!!'' I replied angry back.
After 1 hour of miserable walking and carrying we finally arrived at the barn.I ran with high speed inside and dropped the basket on a pile.
''Barn,Sweet Barn!'' i shouted as i jumped on a pile of pitchforks.
''AAAAAAAAAA!!!!...'' A Hoof smacked onto my mouth.
''Shhh shhh...there there...let mah Band-aid-kit fix that up for ya!'' a little girl's voice whispered.I looked down and saw a small yellow filly. She had red hair and an big bow in it.I quickly remained silent as she wrapped my butt up in tape.
''Thank you,young filly...say what's your name?'' I asked politely while i sat down in hay.
''Ah'm Applebloom! And don't worry ah will tell mah brother to clean those pitchforks up.'' she said with an laugh.
''So,yer working here?'' she asked me with big,cute eyes just like a cute little pony.
Wait...she sure is a cute little pony...so that made sense.
''Yeah,i'm the new employee!'' i said.I felt a little bit guilty...that i lied to such a sweet filly.
Big mac leaped into the barn,while he placed the heavy basket next to all the other apples that were sorted out on color,shape and length.He walked over to me and Applebloom and picked up the pitchforks with his mouth.
''Ah see ya met my little sis. Oh also Applejack needs you,Fry! She's outside in the orchard,she might need your help.''
I saluted Big Mac and made me way out towards the orchard,but before i did that i smelled one of the smelliest smell i ever smelled! The smell smelled like Apple-pie and it came out of an house.
''Hihi,one small piece can't hurt...'' i smirked and walked over to the Apple pie that stood on an sideboard.
I picked up the pie,licked my lips and prepared to take a huge bite. But suddenly an old,Granny pony showed up behind me with a stick. She starts to hit me with her stick like she was doing baseball. I quickly putted the pie back on the sideboard.
''Ya'll can't eat it now,go away! Lousy rooster!'' she shouted as loud as she could.
''I...ahh...just...auwww...stop it....doh...ohhh..a.uuw...no no ..STOP...ohh!! AWW! AUW!''
I ran down the hill towards the orchard as fast as mty legs could carry me,not even looking back at the Apple-pie.
Applejack stood against a tree,with a large scroll in her mouth.I stopped in front of the Cowgirl-pony's nose.
''Here i am!'' i reported.
''...Yeah only ah little bit to late.'' she sighed but still smiled which i found very odd.How could she be still smiling after i was like an half hour to late?
''What took ya so long,sugar?'' she asked me confused while she whipped a few sweat drops away from my forhead.
I felt a shiver going up into my spine and my legs started to wobble.
''W-well,I sat in a pile of pitchforks,i met your younger sister,Big Mac and i finally brought back those apples into the barn,Applebloom Wrapped toilet-paper around my butt,i wanted to take a slice of an Apple-pie,a crazy old mare hit me with a stick...''An orange hoof appeared in front of my mouth.
''Sssssh...less talking more working!'' Applejack winked and rolled out a long,long,long,long...very long list.
''These chores ya have to do!'' she explained to me.She smiled so big that i could see her beautiful, white,blinking teeth.
''A-and what are you going to do?'' i asked confused while i was reading the whole list.
''Oh....Ah'm...just going to...do nothing because you are going to do everything!'' Applejack smiled uncomfortable.
''Your kidding...right?'' my eye started twitching when i saw the chores on the list : Picking apples,counting apples,making apples,cleaning apples,collect apples,make apple-pie,eating apples.
''But Applejack how is this possib...'' I looked around,having no clue where the pony suddenly was.
''Applejack?...Applejack!?'' i called her name many times,but no reply or sign from Applejack.
After 5 hours i had already done 50078 chores.I was busy mowing the large lawn while Applejack relaxed in a chair outside with an drink.''Can i stop now? I'm really thirsty...'' i complained.
''Ya have to do all the chores than ah will tell ya when you can stop.''Applejack smirked while she took a sip out of a strange,green bottle.''Why are you torturing me chores,work and other stuff i have to do with my body!?''
i frowned and started to mow the lawn a little bit slower.''Because ya have to do some work around here.'' Applejack answered.
''Why am i even asking these questions?'' i asked myself.
''Ooh stop being so dumb,cutey'' Applejack blushed slightly. This was my change!
''So...cute that i don't have to work anymore?'' i asked hoping she would say yes.
''No...NOW SHUT UP AND KEEP MOWING,EMPLOYEE!'' The orange mare commanded as she took an big bite into a red apple.I mumbled in myself while i walked further with the lawn-mower.
The sun beamed between the leaves from the Apple-tree's.i was so exhausted,tired and lazy that i could just sleep right here,in the grass,but i was just smart enough to reach the barn before i felt on my
knees.''Apples....Apples....Apples....So...much ...Apples.''
i stumbled while i was scratching slowly with an pen the last chore away : ''Count everything that starts with ''Apple''.
''Stupid Applejack,she just made all these chores up to let me work longer and so she could be lazy all day long!''
I felt bitter anger in my heart and i felt like i wanted to hit something.I controlled my breath and stamped outside the barn,wondering where that jerk of an Applejack was. After searching for like 15 minutes to that orange mare,i gave up and just sat on an rock.I watched the sunset with an frown on my face.The sky had an strange red nebula with thousand of whtie stars in it. The barn looked like a place that came out of an fairy tale. I looked at the red,barn-building behind me.The only light-source was an small beam that came out of the window that was on top of the barn. I looked back at the sunset while i kicked a small rock. ''Great,now i'm stuck on this place forever,thanks to Bender and his stupid : '' C i D e R''
.Suddenly i heard someone calling my name :
''FrYyyYyy~''
''Huh...w-who's there?'' i replied.
''Who could it be? Is this a joke? Why am i asking all these questions to myself?''The questions filled my head with endless thoughts...thoughts which i wish to better not have them.My eye felt on an orange mare that came stumbling up the hill. It was Applejack! Her mane was messed up,her cheeks were red and she looked at me the whole time. I started to get a little disturbed from all of this.
''Uhm ...A-applejack...'' I spoke to the pony that touched my nose with her muzzle.
'' Y-yeah...a-ah had a few drinks...but that doesn't matter n-now...'' She stumbled while her green eyes started to sparkle.
''O-oh no~!'' Applejack felt over on her hooves. ''Wowowowow!!!'' I felt on the ground with Applejack leaning her head on my chest.I had the slightest feeling that she did that on purpose...
I sniffed. ''Ewww Applejack,w-what did you drink?'' I asked while i hold my hand in front of my nose.
''Ah drank...uhm...t-this...drink.'' Applejack pushed a glass in my hand and her other hoof grabbed my shoulder.I saw that bubbles came out of the glass.It smelled just like ...cider...
''Applejack...'' i tried to get her attention.
''Hmmm,Fry...'' She mumbled back.
''What are you doing,I'm not a bed! Your bed is in your room and i'm not a bed that stands in your room!'' i spoke. Applejack blushed her cheeks red while she had her eyes closed.
''W-well Ah'm listening to your B-beats'' she whispered.
''Am i making music?'' i asked while i scratched my head.
''No...Ah'm listening to your heartbeats~.'' The Farmer-pony rubbed her face on my chest.
I felt my face getting red,My heart skipping a beat and goosebumps up in my neck.
''Whoaaa...easy sugar...easy.''
Applejack petted my Red jacket with her left hoof while her tail started to wrap me around my body.
I felt her ear tickling my nose,it was madness...but somehow it felt pretty good and pretty sweet.
I looked up at the sky wondering...wondering why the sky was red filt with black and thousand twinkling little stars.It was such an magical evening,an evening i never saw before...
It was quiet on the hill...
''Do you like apples,Fry?'' Applejack asked randomly.
''Yes,i like apples...and you?'' i whispered.
'''Well i like Fries...fries....fries....fries...Fry...Fry...Fryy...FRY!!! ''
I heard Applejack's voice changing into a voice i knew all along.
''Fry,Wake up!'' Bender yelled.I opened my eyes widely and felt around my body,chest,feet and hair.
''Applejack?!''
I looked at Bender. ''What happened?''
i saw that i still was in the living room,i saw the television the remote and next to it a pile of beer-cans.
''W-what did we do last night.'' i rubbed my eyes with an yawn.
''Well,first you felt asleep and then you start to sleepwalking,than you start to yell ''Applejack,Applejack'' all over the place and also you talked into yourself,than you were dragging an anvil up and down the stairs and then you laid down on the couch...and now your awake.''
Bender looked at me with fear but than bursts into laughter.
''Hahahahaha,man that over-date cider made you crazy like a kook!'' Bender laughed.
''No Bender,there is a place out there with ponies and they had an apple-farm and one pony laid on my chest and it was an beautiful night-sky and...'' i waved my arms wildly around.
''Seems like you have bin dreaming one fascinating dream,my friend.'' Bender patted me on the shoulder.
''No it's real i tell you.'' ''Pffttt,haha man that cider sure made you crazy!'' Bender smirked devilish.
''Common Bender,you have to believe me!'' i shook the robot from back and forth.
''O-o-o--o-okay CALM DOWN!!!'' Bender shouted.
I sat on the couch staring right ahead while i declaimed official : ''I will never drink over-date Cider ever again.''
''Here take a beer,it will cheer you up.'' Bender grabbed a pink beer out of the refrigerator and gave it too me.
''Thanks chump,here take this Cider.'' i gave Bender a green bottle with cider.
''Thanks,buddy.'' Bender gupled the cider away and smashed the bottle against his head. I slowly finished my pink beer.
''Hey Bender...do you like apples?'' I asked.
''Well...wait...wha...'' Bender looked quickly to the etiquette of the green bottle : Apple - C i D e R.
''You will regret this,Fry!!! I will have m-my revenge...s-stupid over-date...cider...'' Bender twirled around and felt behind the
couch.
''Ah,what is my revenge sweet...just as sweet as this ''Pink beer''.'' i sighed satisfied and happy.
''Wait...Pink Beer!?'' I throwed the beer with an shriek out of the window and quickly grabbed some a glass of water and took a sip.
''I think i'm going to quit alcohol for a few days...''
The End