"Eatcha!"
“Oh my,” Princess Celestia muttered, taking in her reflection on her bedroom mirror one morning, “This winter really did a number on me.”
The leader of Equestria was starting to think going all out on Hearth’s Warming wasn’t the greatest idea; on top of the annual pageant, she and her sister, Princess Luna, had decided to throw an extravagant party at the castle. With all her subjects invited, naturally. The party was given as much care and planning as the Grand Galloping Gala, with only the best food and entertainment being provided. And since she allowed Pinkie Pie to be ‘Party Coordinator Extraordinaire’, as the earth pony called it, the music was provided by a local talented DJ instead of an orchestra, and the food was provided by Sugarcube Corner as well as her own professional chefs. Needless to say, the two princesses didn’t complain.
Celestia did make a single mistake, by letting herself off the leash when it came to the catering. Anypony who knows her well, knows she has quite a mischievous sweet tooth, and nopony is brave or stupid enough to come up and tell their ruler that she’s had enough cake or pudding. Not even Luna.
The desserts and sweet hoof-foods were provided by Sugarcube Corner, or more specifically, Pinkie Pie herself. And anypony who’s close to her has probably noticed that her baking has been rather...enlarging, as of late.
Celestia was no exception to that effect. Her face sported a pair of chubby cheeks, pink from warmth, and a ghost of a double chin beneath. Her tall thin legs had gotten a thickness to them, as they pushed back a rather barrel-like stomach that squished into them and jutted out both her sides. Upon turning around, her cheeks flushed even pinker when she discovered her rump had expanded quite generously, her flanks and the brilliant sun cutie marks on them enlarged to accommodate it.
Normally svelte and elegant, the benevolent ruler looked more like a four-legged snowball than an alicorn!
“I don’t think my little ponies would really care to see me so...round,” she chuckled nervously, prodding her middle with a hoof and watching it squish in, “a diet may be a good idea.”
Her horn began glowing a brilliant gold, a matching aura covering her dressing gown, and she levitated it over to put it on. Needless to say, it was a rather tight fit, especially with tying the sash, but she managed to get it on.
Stepping into some slippers and brushing her flowing glistening mane and hair, she stepped out of her bedroom and made her way through the regal castle halls, feeling her larger form wobble and jiggle around with each step and feeling quite awkward about it. Nonetheless, she politely greeted every guard and servant she passed, a few of them hopeful she didn’t catch them eyeing her bigger behind on her way by.
Celestia huffed and puffed as she finally arrived at the double doors to the dining hall, taking a bit longer than usual with her heavier frame. All the extra exertion had worked up her appetite, causing her stomach to let out a pleading grumble for something to eat. The sound of somepony eating rather loudly and voraciously inside didn’t help. She gave it a quick rub through her gown before pushing through one of the doors.
The large dining hall, taken up mostly by a table large enough to sit a good fifty-or-so ponies, was barren aside from one occupant; another alicorn, this one sporting a navy coat with a mane and tail like a night sky. Celestia walked in to see her back to her, and while she herself had quite a belly and backside, the darker alicorn had quite a rump, spilling over her seat a bit and stretching out her crescent moon cutie marks.
“Good morning, sister,” Celestia smiled, as she used her wings to glide across the table to face her, with a bit of extra effort. She spotted the darker alicorn’s attire, a black t-shirt with the logo of the video game she had bought her for Hearth’s Warming, that she had been wearing for a number of days straight now.
“Mmffnff,” Luna mumbled, the source of the messy eating noises coming from her devouring a...rather greasy looking breakfast with much gusto. Globs of grease dribbled down her chin and onto her shirt.
The older sibling rolled her eyes with a chuckle as she settled into her own seat. Luna had also partaken in the Hearth’s Warming snacks and feast quite a bit, only she didn’t really seem to mind the effects her appetite were causing on her naturally svelte frame.
A young unicorn mare in a snappy waitress outfit trotted over from the kitchen doors, notepad in her magic.
“Good morning, your majesty,” she greeted with a bow of the head, “what will you have today?”
“I think, just some toast with fat-free butter,” Celestia decided with a smile, “and my morning coffee, of course. Thank you, Swift Service.”
The waitress scribbled on her notepad and took another bow before dashing off to the kitchen. Celestia could swear she was grinning madly as she turned, no doubt happy that she’d remembered the mare’s name, and let out a smile herself.
As she waited, the older alicorn took a glance across the table at her sister’s breakfast. She had quite large stacks of pancakes and waffles, both topped with syrup, as well as greasy bacon and sausage, and a tall glass of orange juice considering her dislike for caffeine.
“Hungry, are we?” She grinned, chuckling at the scowl shot at her from the younger alicorn, whose chubby food-stuffed face only made her look rather adorable.
Luna swallowed before she explained, “We had another all-nighter, so we require many calories to use as energy.”
Celestia gave her sister an almost motherly smile. “You really enjoy that new game, don’t you?”
“But of course!” Luna smirked proudly. “Equine Realms is the biggest MMO in Equestria, and mine warrior princess has shown many a noob not to treat thine princess lightly!”
The white sister shook her head with a chuckle as her sister returned to her food. With her leading the kingdom she had not much time for video games, but from what she had been told, that particular one sounded rather interesting. She’d have to give it a try one night while her sister was out on her duty.
A little while had passed and Swift Service re-emerged from the kitchen, her magic engulfing a small plate and a lavish mug. With serious care, she set the food down in front of her ruler, bowing her head once more.
“Your breakfast, Princess.”
“Thank you, Swift,” Celestia nodded her head with a pleased smile, “that’s all for now.”
The little waitress put a hoof to her chest and nodded as she returned to the kitchen.
Luna spotted the incredibly small breakfast sitting next to her as she took a hearty drink of orange juice, and nearly scoffed into it.
“Eating light this morn, sister?”
“Indeed,” her older sibling nodded, using her magic to take a dainty bite of her toast, “I think I’ve let myself go a bit, and I should work on getting myself back into shape.”
“Round is a shape, sister,” The dark alicorn teased, smirking lightheartedly, “thy new year’s resolution, hm?”
“You could call it that, yes,” Celestia nodded again, taking a sip of coffee, “I dare not wonder what everypony might think if they saw me as large as the sun itself!”
Just then, an idea shot into Luna’s mind. A rather cruel but harmless prank of an idea. Her habits of being a ‘troll’, as she would call herself regarding her gaming sessions, were seeping into her every day life.
“Nor me, sister,” she near-snickered, tapping her thick blue hooves together, “nor me.”
Inside one of the many winding halls of the Canterlot castle was a gymnasium, built to keep the guards in top physical condition but the princesses never saw any need to visit personally. Not until now, of course.
Princess Celestia, clad in sweatbands and a rather tight looking workout outfit, plodded inside and scanned her eyes across the room and its plethora of exercise equipment. Treadmills, dumbbells, stretching mats and many other standard workout tools filled the space in the room, a few pegasus guards out of uniform and occupying some of them. The ponies spotted their superior and quickly paused to stand at attention, huffing and puffing from their rigorous training.
“Oh please, don’t stop on my accord,” Celestia chuckled, “I’m here for the same reason you are.”
The pegasi nodded and swiftly returned to their exercises, leaving the adipose alicorn to think about where she could begin. She soon decided on the treadmills, and trotted on over. On her way, she wondered why Luna didn’t join her. She secretly thought she could use the exercise as much as her, maybe a tiny bit more, but her little sister insisted she ‘had some errands to run’. She didn’t inquire any further, assuming she was going to pick up some snacks or new games.
The pudgy princess stepped onto the treadmill, eyeing up the control panel for the settings. She decided she’d start at the lowest level, and switched it on. The treadmill whirred to life and began moving her backward, causing her to begin walking at a slow pace. Perfect, she thought, like a nice leisurely stroll through the castle gardens. If anything it felt rather strange, feeling her new cellulite deposits ripple and wobble with each step.
After a minute or so, she decided to up the treadmill speed to a more frantic walking pace. This was where the strain began to show, as the extra effort required caused a sweat to break on her forehead. The few guards in the facility began to slow down or pause their workouts, becoming distracted by the jiggling snowball in the corner. Whether their expressions meant confusion, curious interest or even outright arousal was anypony’s guess.
The next level was a quick trotting pace, which Celestia realised wasn’t the greatest idea. Normally such a speed was nothing to her, but with her heavier frame it turned her into a panting sweaty mess of a pony. She barely lasted ten minutes before having to switch it off and have a seat on the bench, her plentiful plot squishing out a bit as she conjured a bottle of cold water with her magic.
“Phew,” she huffed, taking a generous sip to cool herself, “I’m, more out of shape, than I thought…”
Instead of feeling discouraged by how out of shape she was, a motivation flowed through her. She could work all this off and become stronger than ever!
With this realisation, she smirked as she eyed up the mats near the centre of the room and began a lumbering trod towards them. A rumble sounded from her hungry stomach, but she chose to ignore it. She was on a roll right now!
She lay herself down on the cool leather mat, feeling her snowball of a stomach spread out beneath her, and began pushing herself up with both forelegs. A laborious and taxing effort, but she was pumped to see it through.
“One,” she began counting, slowly and breathily, “two, huff, three…”
A number of hours passed and it was well into the afternoon. Princess Celestia lay on her bed, taking a well-deserved rest after a long day of exercise. She was exhausted and her overworked legs and hooves were screaming from the intense day of working out, but she felt it was all worth it.
A loud grumble sounded from her still-round stomach, and an intense hunger flowed through her once she realised she’d worked through lunch and it was nearly dinner time.
“Oh my, I got really carried away,” she whispered to herself, placing a hoof on her squishy middle, “I wonder if there’s anything healthy but filling…”
As if on cue, a knock sounded on the door before it opened, and Princess Luna poked her chubby face through the crack.
“Ah, sister!” she grinned, letting herself inside while carrying something in her navy blue magic. “How was thy workout?”
“Exhausting,” the older alicorn sighed, managing to roll onto her front to look at her little sister properly, “and I really worked up an appetite.”
“We had a feeling you would.” the dark princess smirked, cheeks dimpling, as she levitated something to her sister’s hooves. “So we made you a little something for your energy.”
Celestia looked down at what she had been offered; a pie in a crescent-shaped tin. The crust looked, and smelled, baked to perfection, accompanied with the delightful scent of blueberries. Her stomach practically roared from the look of it.
“We call this, ‘moon pie’,” Luna giggled, a proud grin on her chubby muzzle, “quite a fitting title, wouldn’t thou say?”
“Wow Luna, I didn’t know you could bake.” she smiled, taking a big whiff of the warm dessert. “Mmm...though, maybe I should wait for after dinner before I have a piece…”
“Nonsense,” Luna scoffed, waving a hoof dismissively, “a little bite will do thou no harm. Besides, it will taste better warm.”
“Well, it does look rather good,” Celestia muttered, nearly salivating on her bedsheets, “well, alright, I’ll try some now.”
Luna let out a mischievous little giggle as she watched her sister telekinetically tear off a corner of pie and levitate it to her mouth.
Wearing an inquisitive expression, Celestia took an experimental bite of the pie. After a couple of chews, her eyelids shot wide open. She had no idea how but...this was possibly the best thing she’d tasted in decades! The delicious taste of blueberry and crust practically exploded her taste buds, and within seconds the rest of the piece was in her mouth and swallowed.
“We had a feeling you like it,” Luna snickered knowingly.
“Oh yes, it was quite tasty.” her sister grinned sheepishly, glancing down at the rest of the delectable dessert. “Um, perhaps another piece won’t hurt. I can always have a smaller dinner…”
“Whatever thou believes to be the right decision.” the dark alicorn smirked, watching on as her sister proceeded to demolish the rest of the pie with gusto, moaning with delight as she chewed.
Celestia was overcome with a total sense of not just want, but need. She needed to eat, and she needed to eat now. Within minutes she was lapping up crumbs and sauce off the tin, followed by her mouth.
“Oh, Luna,” she spoke up at last, seeming to remember she was there, “Remember what I said about having a smaller dinner?”
Luna forced her smirk to not grow any bigger. “I do.”
“I’ve changed my mind,” she decided, smacking her lips, “I suddenly feel ravenous!”
And ravenous she was. Princess Celestia remorselessly demolished helping after helping of rich delicious food placed in front of her. Swift Service was getting quite a workout herself, huffing and panting as she struggled to carry large heavy servings in her magic. She dared not say anything regarding her ruler’s sudden, and honestly questionable eating habits, fearing she’d be thrown in the dungeons, or worse.
The pudgy princess, however, was very much in heaven. Plates upon bowls of delicious, and most definitely fattening food awaited her on the table, and she was working her way through it in record time. Combining her telekinetic spell, her hooves and even her mouth, she greedily shoved every mouthful down her throat and into her voracious stomach.
Not that it was an unpleasant effort. The cellulite-ridden Celestia was enjoying every single crumb, letting out a moan of content every other minute. She was so engrossed by her large meal that she’d totally forgotten about her diet, just filing it somewhere in the back of her mind as her increasingly greasy mouth was stuffed with more calorie-packed food.
As well as her greed, something else she hadn’t seen increasing was her mass. With every few swallows her body would balloon even larger, her stomach squishing into the table more and more. Her thighs became wider and thick like tree trunks, with her hindlegs being forced apart by her expanding middle. The suns on her flanks stretched badly with her rapid growth, becoming rather faded and distorted, but that would heal over time. Her forelegs fared the same as her hind ones, widening and causing her to develop broad soft shoulders linking to a neck thick with flab. Her double chin had become prominent, and soon a third would be moving in to join it. Her cheeks, messy with crumbs sauce and grease, were like tennis balls and encroaching more into her peripheral vision.
And either she wasn’t aware of her changes, or she was just too food-crazy to care.
Just as Luna had planned.
The younger alicorn snickered from across the table, enjoying a sizeable meal herself as she witnessed her sister’s display of sheer gluttony. Her little errand run was a success, and at this rate she may have to go out for another very soon.
Ever since that evening, Princess Luna made sure her older sister got at least a bite of her special moon pies before dinner. She was pleased with how large Celestia was getting, and found it rather humorous to peek into the gymnasium to watch her jiggling snowball of a body making a weak attempt to exercise. And even more so when she spotted her staring into the bedroom absolutely flabbergasted at how she was outright ballooning so quickly.
Such as this morning.
Celestia’s pure-white stomach jutted down dangerously close to the ground, sticking out her sides a good few inches and giving her quite a rounded look. Her back, arched from carrying so much weight, developed some rolls and folds. Her forelegs were more like snowy tree trunks than anything else, her stomach squishing against them and giving her quite an awkward waddling gait when she tried to go anywhere.
Her flanks could very well be mistaken for actual suns from a distance, but the distortion of the cutie marks on her saggy thighs were an easy giveaway, as were their impressive collection of dimples. Her hindlegs, commanded by a large roll of sheer flab, were faring much like the front ones; immensely thickened and squishing against her massive middle.
Her face was nearly dominated by the pair of snowballs that were were cheeks, with her treble-chin sloping down in full swing. Quite literally, when she talked or even moved. Speaking of which, the sheer collection of cellulite around her neck made her voice incredibly deep and gave it a rumbly bass undertone.
“Oh, my,” the mammoth monarch grunted, panting from the taxing effort of shifting herself to the side, “this diet must not be working...perhaps I should, frequent the gym more and eat less for my meals...”
Her gargantuan stomach let out its fourth Manticore-like growl of the morning, obviously voicing its dislike of the idea.
“Oof, or maybe not,” she giggled, rubbing her side with a thick hoof, “perhaps, I should consult Luna about this…”
With this idea in mind, the adipose-ridden alicorn began a slow lumberous waddle to the bedroom door. Unbeknownst to her, Luna had ordered the castle caretakers to enlarge every doorway to keep her unaware of her own growth. And so far, it was working like a charm.
Celestia continued her awkward shuffling waddle down the hallways, obliviously bumping into the guards and staff as she passed with her enormous sides. A lot of confused and bemused expressions were used, and yet a lot of wings shot open and a lot of horns flickered in arousal.
After a long, laborious travel, Celestia pushed through the large double doors to the dining room, heaving as she carried herself to the nearest chair. A pair of pegasus guards shot over to pull back a pair of seats, allowing their ruler’s plentiful plot to plop into them, both cheeks filling up a chair each and sagging over the sides. Her blobby belly squished badly into the table, almost becoming one itself.
“Aaah, there we are,” The enormous equine sighed in relief, happy she was finally able to take a load off her poor legs, “Now, what to have…”
As various thoughts of her favourite foods flashed into her mind, especially sweet treats like her sister’s pies, her stomach let out a mighty roar of impatient hunger, demanding those thoughts become realised and right in her reach.
“G-good morning, Princess,” Swift Service’s voice squeaked up, Celestia barely craning her neck to spot the petite little unicorn standing at her side, face flushed bright red, “c-can I take your order?”
“Ah, there you are Swift.” Celestia smiled, her cheeks dimpling and squishing up. “Let me see…could I have a cheese omelette, some nice buttery toast, some cereal, and maybe… oh, some of those delightful Germane sausages! And my coffee, of course.”
“Oh! Um, of course!” Swift nodded, taking down the rather large order, “And, how many toast and sausages did you say you wanted?”
“As many as the chefs can spare!” the pudgy princess chuckled, sending a cascade of jiggles through her flabby frame.
The waitress blushed bright red and a spark surged through her horn. “U-um, of course! Right away!”
Celestia smiled as she watched her faithful servant scurry off to the kitchen, albeit in a rather curious hurry. As her stomach let out another impatient growl, a familiar voice spoke up from behind her.
“Good morning, ‘big’ sister,” Princess Luna yawned, walking inside and slowly making her way around the table to sit across from Celestia. She had gained quite a bit herself, developing quite a bit of sway in her own flabby flanks as she waddled, but wasn’t nearly on the older alicorn’s level. She looked positively exhausted, probably from another all-nighter.
“Oh, hello Luna.” Celestia smiled, possibly looking a bit happier than she meant to since Luna meant moon pies.
Just as the darker dollop of princess settled into her own pair of seats, Swift Service emerged, flanked by a pair of unicorn chefs, all carrying parts of her enormous breakfast. Swift herself balanced a tower of buttered toast and a dainty mug of coffee in her magic; one chef carried a steaming blob of cheese buried beneath a small mountain of smoked brown Germane sausages; and the other carried a bowl of cereal that seemed more like a bucket.
In all honesty, Swift thought the gargantuan display would overwhelm her ruler, but that was not so; rather, Celestia seemed excited at what was being set in front of her, practically drooling a waterfall. Even Luna woke up a bit from the sight.
“Oh, thank you, my little ponies,” she swallowed, licking and smacking her lips, “I shall definitely enjoy this!”
“I’m glad you’re pleased, Princess,” Swift sighed with relief, she and the chefs giving her a bow of the head. She let out a small exclamation when she spotted Luna at the table, and scurried to her side with a smile. “Good morning, Princess. What will you have this morning?”
“We shall have what she is having.” Luna smirked, with a hungry smack of the lips, “Only, with orange juice rather than coffee.”
“Of course, right away,” the waitress squeaked, she and the chefs hurrying back through the double-doors. Luna could swear she caught her grinning.
As the smaller princess waited, she watched her sister munching on a sandwich of sausages and toast. “Thou art forgetting the diet plan then, sister?”
“Oh!” Celestia hiccuped, eyes widened. She’d totally forgotten about that. “Well, I feel like I’ve lost a couple of pounds in the last few weeks, so I thought I’d treat myself today, is all.”
“Oh, well congratulations,” Luna snickered, seeing right through the obvious lie, “do not let me rain on your parade, continue thy celebration!”
Celestia did just that, and returned to her gorging. Slice of toast after hoof-full of sausage after mouthful of cereal disappeared into the ravenous ruler’s mouth, her appetite being in an absolute frenzy for the last few weeks. Her hooves and mouth became stained with crumbs, butter, grease and milk, along with the slightest hint of coffee when she stopped for a sip. She had been expanding at such a rapid pace lately, it was like she had no metabolism at all to speak of!
Her manners had also seemed to dissipate; while she would normally have a small spoonful of cereal and a nibble of toast, today she was practically chomping through toast in single bites and was this close to tipping the edge of the cereal bowl into her mouth. Loud belches and hiccups escaped her periodically, which earned a greedy giggle from her and not a single pardon.
She was becoming a pampered farm pig in an alicorn’s body. She loved it, and Luna was greatly amused by it.
Once she had eventually finished, leaving nothing but stained plates and bowls on the table, Celestia leaned back in her chairs, and released a loud, window-rattling belch. Luna, whose food had arrived not too long ago, snickered as she ate.
“Oof, I should, probably go to the gym,” Celestia grunted, running a thick greasy hoof along her stuffed abdomen, “but, I fear I may be sick if I exercise like this…”
“Thou should sleep it off, sister,” Luna suggested, her speech slightly muffled with her cheeks holding food, sending globs and crumbs onto the table, “thou shalt feel better after.”
“Hmm, that is a good idea.” Celestia nodded, letting out a yawn, “Oof, I do feel rather drowsy…”
Luna smirked with amusement as she watched her sister awkwardly shift off the tables and begin a sluggish shuffle to the door, grunting from the sheer load of food she was carrying. “We have had some moon pies sent up to thine bedroom, just in case thou felt peckish later on.”
Despite her fullness, the older alicorn’s eyes widened at this news, and a lick of the lips escaped her. “Th-thank you, sister. I appreciate it…”
“Think naught of it,” Luna giggled, “enjoy thine nap!”
With the gym completely out of the question, Celestia lumbered through the halls toward her bedroom, acquiring some help from the guards to get up the stairs. She noted that they seemed incredibly eager, practically leaping to her side.
Once she eventually arrived, she sent for a unicorn caretaker to help her clean up, secretly too lazy to do it herself. Once she was cleaned, she literally rolled herself into her bed, which creaked and bended beneath her immense bulk, and she gave the rather sizeable pile of moon pies a longing gaze before letting sleep take her away.
Just over a month had passed, and to say Celestia had become a blob would be far too forgiving. She was naught but a quivering white mass, taking up a vast majority of her bedroom and entrapped on her bed, or rather what was left of it. Her once draped princess-sized bed was absolutely demolished as the massive monarch grew and grew when days became weeks.
Mobility was all but foreign to her now; her once svelte ladylike legs were now nothing but rolly stumps, absorbed into her gargantuan frame leaving only her wiggling hooves in the open. Dimples, folds and rolls were aplenty, running across her arched back and perfectly round middle, to her plentiful plot. The suns on her hooves were considered life sized, and had become horribly stretched and faded from her rapid growth, though that would fortunately heal itself in time.
Her face was near nonexistent, dominated by a plethora of blobby chins and a pair of dimpled sagging cheeks. Her laziness had grown to the point where it was considered a privilege to get a word out of her that wasn’t ‘food’ or ‘more’. She still raised the sun of course, when she was prodded awake and reminded to do so.
Fully aware of her newfound dependance, Luna had guards, caretakers and chefs hired to fit the debilitated princess’s every whim and demand. Chefs to feed her the finest cuisines the moment she asked, caretakers to clean up her inevitable mess afterward, and guards to watch over her in her frequent slumbers. She was surprised to find many she approached accepted rather eagerly; in fact, some even came to her and offered the very services she needed!
As she watched her (literal) big sister enjoying her being pampered and hedonistic, she felt it was time to admit something. She stepped forward, just enough to avoid falling debris from her third lunch.
“Sister, we are afraid we must confess to something.” She admitted, not sounding exactly apologetic.
“Mmf…?” Celestia grunted, still stuffing her fat face with her magic but acknowledging her sister’s presence. Her voice practically rumbled, deepened and slowed from accumulated flab and sheer laziness.
“Specifically, the reason thou art, well, a blob,” the dark alicorn smirked, dimpling her rounded cheeks, “it was I!”
“You…?” The portlier princess mumbled, crumbs spilling from her mouth. “You, made me...big…?”
“Not just big, huge!” Luna bellowed, hints of her Royal Canterlot Voice seeping out in her excitement, “We saw how fixated you had become on starting a diet, so we decided to pull a little prank! By making thou the biggest, greediest pig in Equestria!”
Celestia managed a slow blink, mulling this over. “Ish thish...permanent…?” She grunted, the flab on her cheeks giving her a lisp.
“Oh, certainly not,” Luna shook her head, grinning, “We had the alchemists create an antidote for when thou needed to go on important business. It will slim you down to your old self in seconds!”
“...in that cashe,” Celestia managed a giggle, causing her gargantuan frame to bounce and jiggle like gelatin, “I would like, to enjoy thish, a little more. It ish, well, fun…!”
“Haha!” Luna chortled gleefully, raising a hoof, “the fun has been doubled! And the sister has been octupled!”
Celestia chuckled herself, sending another cascade of jelly-like wobbles through her body. “More, food…!”
The chefs went to work conjuring large rich meals for their ruler, who ate them up with gusto.
Luna watched on, feeling a twinge of jealousy.
“Chefs, do not forget me!”