A collection of jokes and references from the Red Sun Rises series
This is a rather large project, consisting of jokes, references, 4th Wall breaks, HISHE-like endings and possible (if unlikely) spoilers for The Red Sun Rises: Siege of Manehattan and following stories from the universe. This is meant only for fun and to show all of you what I hide inside the series.
“From what you tell me, the enemy camp is right here,” he said, placing a marker on the Cypress Field area, about five kilometers away. “And you say with our current supplies, we have two weeks before we’re overrun. Gentlecolts, that’s not acceptable.”
The Captains and First Lieutenants all began to talk about the situation. Each one either repeated somepony else, or disagreed. After about ten seconds, Captain Midnight Shadow spoke up.
“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, guys. Soldiers and supplies are everything.”
Crimson was intrigued. “Explain.”
“Soldiers and supplies are everything. Without them, we don’t defend the city, we don’t take down their Pegasi, we don’t communicate with Princess Celestia. We have to pull back to our side of the Bricklyn, Withersburg, and Tartarus bridges. Now.”
“What do you mean?”
“At the rate we’re using supplies, we run out in exactly six days, fifteen hours and forty-five minutes, not two weeks. If we pull back to just this island, we can get them to bottleneck across the bridges. They’ll have to. We shut down all trans-island traffic: taxis, ferries, the whole shebang.”
“Whoa, ferries? What if we need to bring stuff to the Tartarus Bridge area? The streets are too crowded,” another Captain commented.
“We worry about that later. The more we talk here, the more time we waste that could be used to stock up. I’ve been looking at this for the past hour.”
“That’s the deal?” Crimson asked.
“That’s the deal.”
“Alright. As soon as we get some form of organization is this army again, we’ll pull back across the bridges. In the meantime, we’ll only have half as many to defend the port with. I want you guys to talk to the ponies who set up the supply lines. Then I want you to talk to the ponies who actually run them. Find out how to get every last calorie and, arrow, and drop of water out of all these towns.” He walked over to the oversized calendar. “I want this mark all the way down to August 29th with supplies to spare. We never lost an Equestrian city to this army and we’re sure as hay not gonna lose one under my watch. Failure is not an option!”
General Shattered Hope stood outside Canterlot High School with Andromeda in a headlock. He held a pistol against her temple, ready to pull the trigger. On the other side of the courtyard, Crimson Dawn walked towards the two, holding a gun of his own.
"Stop where you are, Crimson! It's over. Sombra has won," the general called.
The Atlantean soldier continued walking. The look on his face was grim, as if this was the most serious thing he did in his life. He reached the middle of the courtyard before Shattered Hope yelled again.
"Take one more step and I put a hole in her head!"
This time, Crimson seemed to hear the Crystal general. He stopped in his tracks directly in front of the Wondercolts statue.
"Listen to me, Crimson Dawn. You have lost. Nothing you can do will change that. Any attempt of yours to prevent King Sombra's triumph has failed. Surrender now, and we will spare both of your lives."
"Over the Thorn of a Rose!" Crimson yelled, and swung his pistol to point at Shattered Hope. He aimed, and was ready to fire when the Crystal general cocked his own pistol.
"Put that down, and then we'll talk."
"Father, please don't do this! Remember Aunt Shard. She can't lose you. You're her comrade." Andromeda cried. Tears were streaming down her face. "You're her brother."
"Andromeda, your aunt is dead. She was killed when this pony ordered his soldiers to power up the Gem with Summercrest in his sights." He let his arm fall to the side. "I've already lost so much. I can't lose you, too."
"That's more like it," said Shattered Hope. A devious smile spread across his face. "Now drop the weapon."
Instead of dropping his pistol to the ground and kicking it away, Crimson pulled his arm back up and pulled the trigger. It was a perfect shot, aimed directly at Shattered Hope's head. But nothing happened. Confused, Crimson cocked it again and pulled the trigger again. He got the same result.
Crimson checked his gun for any bullets or blank rounds. Finding none of either, he looked at the camera crew. "Who the hay gave me an empty magazine?"
The waste rock was used to construct a fortress to be reckoned with near the train station that previously connected the Crystal Empire with Equestria. Sombra gave it the name Dragonspire Citadel because of its dragon-shaped outline for its solid stone walls. This impregnable fortress was a true show of the Crystal Empire’s wealth, and military might. Even the Princesses of Equestria shook in fear of its name, and it wasn’t close to completion.
"Wait a minute, Narrator. Why in Equestria does my fortress have to be shaped like a dragon?"
Number 2
“Oh, okay.” Celestia processed what Crimson Dawn said. “Wait a minute, did you say I have cousins?!”
“Yes, your highness, I did. An entire branch of your family resides in Atlantis, with scrolls and texts that trace the family tree back thousands of years. I am honored to have wed a mare from your lineage.”
Celestia had the cutest, most puzzled look on her face since Discord wreaked havoc the first time. She stared at the stallion, unable to truly comprehend what he had just told her. The information continued to turn in her mind, seeming more outrageous every time she thought about it. At the same time, it made more sense as well.
"Whaaaaaaaaat?"
Number 3
“Alright. As soon as we get some form of organization is this army again, we’ll pull back across the bridges. In the meantime, we’ll only have half as many to defend the port with. I want you guys to talk to the ponies who set up the supply lines. Then I want you to talk to the ponies who actually run them. Find out how to get every last calorie and, arrow, and drop of water out of all these towns.” He walked over to the oversized calendar. “I want this mark all the way back to Earth with time to spare. We never lost an Equestrian in space and we’re sure as hay not gonna lose one under my watch. Failure is not an option!”
"Uh, Crimson, you said it wrong."
"What do you mean?"
"Read the script."
Crimson's eyes looked over the scene layout. "Oh, come on!"
Number 4
Crimson Dawn walked onto the Bricklyn Bridge, seeing a rather upbeat defense force. This was the first victory Equestria had achieved since before the Gem destroyed the first army. Each soldier had either a ridiculous smile or a grim one upon their face. Somepony came with drinks from a local alcoholics dealer and everypony took a shot, including Crimson. He believed that the best way to improve morale was to participate in activities with the men to show he was one of them.
"A problem that can't be solved with whiskey is a problem not meant to be solved."
Number 5
"Crystal Shard, always the rogue one, the adventurous one. I was the orderly, self-sacrificing one.” Crimson shook his head slightly. The pink alicorn beside him though for a moment. “Ironically similar names.” “Tell that to the writer.” Cadence smirked. “That’s Pinkie Pie’s job.”
It turns out that the expected assault never came. Nightfall came, and no word of enemy movement was reported. Every moment without battle was a moment of anxiety.
Luna had chosen to remain in the building with Crimson. After her entourage arrived, she still didn’t move from her spot in front of the map table. She had some very interesting points to add to the defense plan, and the soldier accepted them for consideration.
At about twenty-one hundred hours, Crimson and Luna walked outside to show her the supplies. They got there and she nodded. It was an efficient system that the colonel had put in place.
They had turned around an hour later to go back to the headquarters when the hairs in Crimson’s mane stood on end. His soldier’s instinct kicked in and he jumped between the unseen threat and Luna. He raised his repeater with his wing, stared down the sights, and looked for any movement in the silent city before him.
It came from the left. An arrow whizzed towards the two and was instantly deflected.
"FORCE FIELD!!!" Luna yelled.
Crimson looked at the projectile. "Whoa. That's a heavyweight arrow. Would've killed you right then if you didn't know it was coming."
Luna paid no attention. She used her magic to pick up the would-be assassin and pull him over. He grunted multiple times as her magic faltered enough to make him hit the ground.
"Ensign Arctic Breeze." Crimson recognized him as the stallion with the faulty information. "An assault on the ruler is punishable by death in Atlantis. Lucky for you, this is Equestria."
"Moon-flanked daughter of a bitch!" Arctic Breeze snarled at Luna.
The Princess of the Night smiled at him. "Why thank you for looking at my rear to identify me. I'm sure it looks hot, but you look at a princess's face to talk to them." She turned to the colonel. "Put him in the prison, where he can't do something like that again."
"Yes, ma'am." Crimson whistled, and several ponies galloped over. "Escort Arctic Breeze to the prison, and keep him under high guard."
The soldiers saluted, and the traitor was moved out. He saw this failure as his one missed chance to go down in the history books permanently. Next time, he won't screw up.