Chapter 1
Once upon a time, in the land called Equestria, there lived a creature known as a Draconequus. The Draconequus was named Discord, because he enjoyed discord, which is a synonym for chaos. For this reason, he had befriended the handsome unicorn known as Shining Armor, who had introduced him to his favorite tabletop role-playing game: Dungeons and Dragons.
Discord loved Dungeons and Dragons. Out of all the tabletop role-playing games in the whole world, it was the one which he liked the best.
One day, Discord visited Princess Twilight Sparkle, who was the prettiest, smartest, nicest, most special pony princess in all of Equestria. Every pony loved Twilight Sparkle, as her beauty was unrivalled by any other mare in the land. Every time Equestria was in danger, Princess Twilight Sparkle was called on to save the day. Even though she had been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder as a filly and was yelled at by bullies all the time, like having her head dunked into a toilet and having chewed-up bubble gum stuck in her hair, she overcame these things and became a celebrity. Yet, Twilight Sparkle was so kind and so forgiving that she forgave her childhood bullies, and with the magic of friendship, she reformed them and made them into good ponies.
“Greetings, Princess Twilight Sparkle,” said Discord.
“Greetings, Discord,” said Princess Twilight Sparkle.
“Have you heard of this wonderful game called Dungeons and Dragons?”
“Indeed I have. It is a tabletop role-playing game where players create avatars of themselves and transport themselves to a beautiful fantasy world where their existence makes a difference in the world, and they’re not kicked around by everypony for tiny laughs.”
“That is correct. That is why I love this game so much. Because it is my one escape from other ponies who hate you for no reason and get joy out of making you suffer.”
Princess Twilight Sparkle smiled. “I’m glad fantasy worlds exist. When I was a filly, I thought: Even if it’s a tiny break from other ponies who not only kick me around and abuse me, but also don’t tell me why and have my confusion add to my misery, which makes them more happy since I am more miserable. Even if it’s a tiny break from a cold existence that exclusively rewards the ponies who abuse me and make me miserable. It’s something.”
“And what about Shining Armor?”
“I love my brother. He was all I had in this world before I became a Princess. Whenever I would walk back from school, looking down that bridge and thinking of jumping off it, I would think of my brother.” Princess Twilight Sparkle sighed. “I remember one day, I looked down a bridge. I was about to jump off it. I thought, ‘I’m sick of these bullies getting their laughs out of abusing me. If the only way to make it stop is to jump off that bridge, then I will do it.’ But then, my brother, Shining Armor, was coming home from school and stopped me in the nick of time.
“He said, ‘Twilight, stop! Don’t jump off the bridge!’
“I said, ‘Why not?’
“And then he said, ‘because you’ll die.’
“But then I told him I wanted to die. He asked me why. I told him it was because I was tired of all the bullies who threw dirt in my face and called me bad names behind my back, and that I wanted to make them pay by taking away their toy and making them feel guilty by making myself go away forever. And you know what he said?”
“What?” asked Discord.
“He said that my death would not affect them at all, and that they would just find a new toy to play with. He told me the pure, honest truth: That everypony else was lying when they said ponies were capable of empathy, guilt, and remorse. He told me that their existence was a myth, a thing from fiction, and that only suckers believed that they existed in reality. ‘False pretenses for gaining others’ trust and eliciting forgiveness,’ he called it. Then, he told me that the news of me jumping off the bridge would only make them laugh really hard, and the only pony it would negatively affect would be him, the only pony in the world who ever cared about me in my entire life and who didn’t enjoy seeing me in pain. Since everypony else had only lied to and abused me before, I had to believe him.
“So I felt really sad. And so I told him I wouldn’t jump off the bridge. He smiled at me and hugged me. It was wonderful. One of the very few happy moments I ever had before I became a Princess.”
“Wow,” said Discord. “That is a truly touching story. And now here you are, the greatest Princess who ever lived, living in the best castle there ever was and solving all the world’s problems with the magic of friendship.”
“Yes,” Princess Twilight Sparkle said. “His advice and emotional support helped me greatly. I love him so much.”
Discord smiled sweetly at Princess Twilight Sparkle. “It’s good to have a pony in the world who cares about you. People who don’t want to see you suffer are so rare in this world. I wish I had some pony who cared about me.”
“But you do,” Princess Twilight Sparkle said.
“Really?” Discord asked. “Well, who? Who is it?”
Princess Twilight Sparkle hugged Discord. “It’s me. I am the pony who cares about you, Discord. Not Fluttershy, or any pony else. Only me.”
Discord hugged Princess Twilight Sparkle back. “That’s wonderful. I love you, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“I love you too, Discord.”
And then Discord moved to the Friendship Castle in Ponyville where Princess Twilight Sparkle lived. There, Discord married Twilight. Every pony in Equestria came to the wedding, and it was such a touching thing that even Princess Luna shed tears of joy. And then they lived happily ever after.