Fluttershy Buys Condoms
Fluttershy had been a very brave pony. She had tamed dozens of large, quite possibly dangerous creatures, saved Equestria from hundreds of dangers and even reformed a villain that could warp reality to his every whim, but nothing had prepared her for her biggest challenge to date: she was standing outside of a pharmacy while a triumphant melody with a Latin choir resounded in her head. Her eyes were wide open, her breathing was heavy and little sweat drops were trickling from her head. She stepped forward only to retract to the same position, immediately smacking herself for doing it.
“You can do this Fluttershy,” she said to herself trying to be more self-confident. “It’s nothing from the other world,” she breathed deeply. “Get in. Ask for. Pay for. Get out,” she made a brief pause. “Get in, ask for, pay for, and get out. Just go unnoticed.”
She finally stepped forward and opened the door. At first she was confident, but the moment the ding of the door was heard she panicked again. At the sight of the manager she desperately tried to reopen the door to get out of the building, pull and push, pull and push. Everything was unsuccessful. After a few tries she gave up and continued towards her goal. She approached the counter where the manager, who was none other than Nurse Redheart, attended her.
“Good afternoon,” Nurse Redheart asked. “What can I do for you?”
Fluttershy nervously gulped and, pretending she was looking for something else, she observed the displayed merchandise. Her strategy was to ask for other products and buy them before getting to the main focus. She did the first question.
“What are those?” Fluttershy asked. Nurse Redheart turned around to face the direction she was pointing and responded:
“Pills for hemorrhoids.”
“Give me two of them, those mints, that teddy bear and...” while the nurse delivered the products Fluttershy looked to both sides to make sure nopony was in the site and finally whispered to her. “Condoms.”
“Excuse me?”
Fluttershy raised her voice a little. “Condoms.”
“Sorry I can’t hear you, can you speak louder please?”
Fluttershy, desperate, spoke in her ear a little more loudly. “Condoms.”
“CONDOMS!” Nurse Redheart exclaimed excited, while Fluttershy tried to shush her unsuccessfully. “But speak like a grown-up mare. What size do you want?”
“Size?”
Nurse Redheart hit her softly on her shoulder while chuckling. “You fell for it.”
The pegasus screamed at an uncomfortably loud volume due to the hit.
“Sizes don’t exist!” Nurse Redheart exclaimed, joking. “This must be your first time, isn’t it?” Nurse Redheart held Fluttershy’s right leg and touched the surface of the hoof. “Mmhm. Disquiet, let me see the other one,” Nurse Redheart changed leg, now checking the left one. “Uuuuuuuuh, hotty smarty. I like that. Well enough about jokes, which ones do you want?”
Nurse Redheart pull off three condom packs, each one with a different color, and put them on the counter.
“Give me any, I don’t care.”
“You don’t care?!” Nurse Redheart was surprised. “You have to choose the right one!” She explained the differences one by one, first taking the red pack. “Look, this one’s soft and feels incredible, like silk,” she said before taking the blue one. “This one’s a retardant, I should recommend you this one as a firstling,” and she finished with the green one. “And this one has flavors. Personally,” Nurse Redheart held Fluttershy’s head to hers, moving her mouth to the animal caretaker’s ear. “I adored the strawberry one, I used it as chewing gum in my spare time.”
Thanks to this, Fluttershy had a vision where Nurse Redheart was chewing a condom and inflated it like a balloon. As soon as the condom popped in her mind she returned to the real world. Disgusted by the vision and wanting to get out of the pharmacy as soon as possible, she made her choice.
“Give me these ones,” she said disgusted, quickly pointing towards the blue ones.
Nurse Redheart clicked on the keys of the cash register to enter the code of the products. The pills, mints and teddy bear were no problem but when the condoms were calculated something went wrong with the machine: it didn’t open. She clicked the button once more but it remained shut. Nurse Redheart went to the storage for her tools. First, she used a screwdriver on the register, then a wrench, next a mallet, next a crowbar, lastly a blowtorch. It was taking so long just for a pack of condoms and, to make things worse, ponies were starting to get in the pharmacy. The first to arrive was Caramel. The following who arrived next was Cheerilee, then Kevin the changeling, then Raindrops, then Cloudkicker and Noteworthy, then Rose, Lily and Daisy, then Sea Swirl, then Thunderlane and his brother Rumble and finally a male pegasus with aquamarine coat and yellow mane whom she didn’t recognize... or should I say didn’t want to? Nurse Redheart was still trying to open the cash register as the rest of the line was looking to her actions.
“This shit got damaged again,” said Nurse Redheart.
“Fluttershy,” the male pegasus at the end of the line spoke, Fluttershy’s pupils shrank and covered her face with her hooves embarrassed because she knew who was he. “Fluttershy!” the pegasus spoke a little louder, causing Fluttershy to cover herself more. “Hey big sis!”
“What do you want Zephyr?!”
“...Hello.”
Fluttershy yelled frustrated and slammed her head on the counter.
“You see?” Zephyr Breeze turned to the rest of the line. “We’re family and we say hello to each other. Say hello,” the rest of the line waved their hooves joyfully, but Fluttershy returned the greeting grieved. Nurse Redheart used a detonator as a last resource, but not even the explosion could open the cash register.
“No, it doesn’t work yet,” Nurse Redheart gave up and talked directly to the speaker. “Did somepony knows the code of the retardant condoms?!”
Fluttershy covered her face embarrassed and frustrated one more time. Doctor Horse arrived to the scene.
“Which ones do you say?”
“These ones,” Nurse Redheart indicated the blue pack to Doctor Horse.
“Yes,” Doctor Horse clicked the types on the cash register and the machine opened at last. “Sorry about the inconveniences, it’s just that nopony buys these ones.”
“Don’t worry, thank you,” Fluttershy closed her eyes and sighed relaxed.
“That’ll be 12 bits please,” said Nurse Redheart.
Fluttershy took out of her saddlebag and reached for the coins she needed to pay. It was the end, and finally she could leave this place. And the best part: nopony noticed she was buying a sexual product. Everything was going back to normal... or at least that was she thought until a bell dinged repeatedly, confetti, balloons and streamers fell of the roof and music was being listened. Both Nurse Redheart and Doctor Horse clapped their hooves and from nowhere Photo Finish and a couple of photographers and recorders appeared, they headed to Fluttershy, Photo Finish hugged Fluttershy firmly.
“Congratulations!” said the photographer with German accent. “Tell us, how does it feels to be ze millionth client in our drug store? Vat’s your name?”
“Um–”
“And if that vasn’t enough you’ve become ze most important member of our drug store! Take a picture!”
Photo Finish smiled from ear to ear to the camera while Fluttershy looked nervous and surprised in the wrong way as the camera flashed. Zephyr Breeze came running to the front of the line.
“I’m her brother, I’m her brother!” he said excited and kissed Fluttershy on the cheek. “FLUTTERS!”
“Tell not to me but to all ponies and immigrants in Equestria: Vich product you bought to become ze millionth client?!”
“A teddy bear?” Fluttershy grabbed the stuffed animal and showed it to the camera, only to be taken away by Photo Finish and being replaced by the right object on her hoof.
“CONDOMS!”
“And it’s her first time!” Nurse Redheart exclaimed as she posed for the camera.
“Her first time! Double jackpot! Hey, you vant to send a greeting to somepony taking advantage of our live broadcast?”
Fluttershy kept a ‘what have I done?’ face the entire time and one by one each and every one of the ponies in line took turns to pose next to the pegasus. Fortunately for Fluttershy none of her friends were watching this broadcast, right?
...Right?
***
“Applejack, ain’t that Fluttershy?”
“...Yeah...”
“...She mustn’t re-enter this house.”
“Granny, what’s a condom?”
“Watch yer language, Apple Bloom!”
***
Outside of the pharmacy, Fluttershy was leaving the place and, covered in confetti and streamers, she felt annoyed. The rest of the clients and staff were there recording her as she was walking away from the building.
“Let’s give a cheer to Fluttershy!” Photo Finish shouted and everypony began to scream excited.
“Flu-tter-shy! Flu-tter-shy! Flu-tter-shy!”
Zephyr Breeze came out of the crowd. “GOOD LUCK FLUTTERSHY!”
Fluttershy raised her hoof, meaning her mission was a success (actually she was pissed off, though) and took flight as the cheers of the crowd continued shouting ‘Flu-tter-shy!’
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was gardening and watering plants somewhere else, she looked impatient, like she was waiting for something really important. Fluttershy appeared, Rainbow Dash crossed her front legs and both frowned.
“What took you so long?”
“Here are your condoms,” Fluttershy said as she threw the pack of condoms in her face. When Rainbow Dash took the pack and noticed it, she felt extremely unamused before yelling:
“Blossoms, I told you to buy blossoms!”