The Survey of Surveys
The Everfree forest had been terrorizing the citizens of Ponyville for quite a long time. From the ever growing plants to Timberwolves, it wasn't a safe place for everypony. This all changed when Dusk Shine came to town. Wait, what's that? Twinkle Sparkle? Twilight Sparkle? Alright, whatever. Ahem, this all changed when Twilight Sparkle came to town. With her friends they defeated many terrors from the Everfree forest. However, at the same time they brought terrors to Ponyville. From parasprites to gigantic centaurs who hated ponies. There had been a lot of damage done to Ponyville, yet nopony seemed to care. Nopony but Twilight Sparkle.
“But Twilight, I really don’t thi-”
Twilight cut Spike off. “This is for science Spike, now be quiet or I’ll start feeding you dog food again.” She picked up a saddlebag.
“Fine.” Said a grumbling Spock. Or Splat. Whatever the dragon’s name was.
“Now then, hurry along, we need to survey everypony in Ponyville.
They walked towards the closest house and knocked on the door. They waited awhile and then the door slowly creaked open. Then a stallion with a light brown coat and a dark brown mane popped his head through the opening. “Why hello there, I don’t think I’ve seen you before! I bet you're new in town, you should go meet erm.... Mayor Mare, she can help you! I uh... have something I need to take care of, Allons-y!”. The door slammed shut.
“Well, that was unusual.” Said Spam.
“Yes....it was. Let's move on...I guess.”
The next house was very strange. Half of the house was made of wood, the other half was made of purple stone. Twilight knocked on the door, which fell on the ground with a thud. Twilight peered into the house, only to see a Gray and white mare arguing.
“HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY BUTTER, YOU DISC SPINNING RUFFIAN!” The shout came from the gray mare, who was holding a subwoofer.
“I’LL GIVE YOU THE BUTTER IF YOU GIVE ME BACK MY WUBS!” shouted the white mare, who was holding a stick of butter. Twilight and Spice decided to slowly back away from the doorway and run.
They conveniently backed up into the next house, the house of Ponyville's mailmare, Derpy. At least that's what the townspeople called her, nopony really knew her name. They walked up to knock the door but they heard a loud explosion behind them. They turned to see a house in shambles and a burnt stallion shouting,
"Eureka! The chemical reaction is very unstable!"
Twilight slowly walked towards the stallion but was spun around as a gray blur flew past. Recovering from the sudden blur, she decided to skip the house and go somewhere else. Twilight and Applespike made their way down to Market Square. She knew that she could survey the market ponies, by bribing them with bits. She fished out some bits from her saddlebag and approached the flower stand. As she opened her mouth, one of the ponies at the flower stand pointed out a broken stem on a flower. They flopped down onto the ground and started to scream
“The horror, the horror!”
Twilight slowly backed up, but accidentally bumped into another pony. She turned around to apologize only to find Princess Cadence with wide eyes, a creepy smile and Flash Sentry who seemed to be terrified, on a leash. “Twilight, what a coincidence!” Cadence said while chuckling evilly.
Flash Sentry quietly whispered: “Help me.”
It took a moment for Twilight to realize what was going on.
“NOPE!” She quickly flew away with Squirt.
“So Cadence, did it work?” Said Shining Armour, his head sticking out of a barrel. Cadence removed Flash’s leash as she turned to her husband.
“Yep.” The three ponies shared a laugh.
Twilight landed near the next house, laid down Sparkle Glitter and proceeded to knock on the door. The door burst open and a familiar turquoise unicorn popped out the door.
“HELLO THERE. MY NAME IS LYRA HEARTSTRINGS. HAVE YOU HEARD OF HUMANS? THEY GAVE ME SOMETHING CALLED AN ENERGY DRINK. I HAVEN’T SLEPT FOR 3 MONTHS. PLEASE CALL A HOSPITAL.” Twilight slammed the door.
“Uh...Twilight, you who know that was right?” Enquired the dragon called Carly. He awaited an answer but somehow missed that Twilight vanished.
Twilight reappeared in her castle.
“Ugh…..this was just a huge waste of time.” Twilight muttered. “I can't believe I thought these ponies would answer my survey.” She proceeded to her room until the castle doors boomed open. Twilight turned to see Scootaloo on her scooter, that was attached to a cart. A cart full of Apple pies, being squished by one Applejack. Scootaloo stopped her scooter right before crashing into one of the castle walls. “Oh no, please no” Groaned Twilight.
“Pie delivery for Spike!” Scootaloo hollered.
“Apples, Apples, Apples, Apples Apples!” Said the one and only Applejack.
“Such beautiful words” Sniffled Scootaloo. Applejack got out of the cart, doing so flipped the cart over and spilled Apple pies, everywhere.
“Apples, Apple Apples, apple!” Apologized Applejack. Applejack noticed that Twilight was feeling down. "Apples, Apples, Apples, Apples?"
"It's nothing really. I just wasted most of my day trying to get ponies to answer my survey."
“Appleeeees.” Responded Applejack.
"It's just so frustrating I didn't get a single pony to answer my survey. It just makes me want to rip my mane out!"
“Apple, Apple, Apple apple. Apple Apple Apple ZAPAPPLE."
"Your right Applejack, I shouldn't be bothered by it. Can you fetch some brooms from the closet so I can clean up this pie mess? Also, can you get that chicken on the scooter out?" Asked Twilight.
"Apple" Applejack headed upstairs and locker herself in the closet. She took off her hat to reveal a radio. "Apple apple apple, Apple Pie Apple" she spoke quietly into the radio.
Within days, a Pinkie Pie Army marched up to the Royal Canterlot Castle, demanding all the stockpiled cakes Celestia had.