The Warners have delighted children and adults for years and now their back! Come one come all and see them in their new show! Hasbro presents the "Animaniacs" (co., tm, etc.)
After a two decade long hiatus the Warner brothers and the Warner sister are back and they have a plan to get back to the top. It involves a bunch of magical talking horses.
But how will the ponies react when the Warners attempt to steal their show?
A deserted studio lot in Burbank California. Mortar rots away the once grand Warner Brothers Animation Studios. In its center sits what was once the symbol of its grandeur, the Warner Brothers water tower, now a tearfully tragic sight to behold. Its legs are buckling, vegetation crawling around its base and the great big WB now hangs to the side off its hinges. Yes, it seems like there is no life for miles.
A trail of displaced dirt and road pushes toward the center of the lot and three figures pop up. “AH! Home sweet home!” Yakko shouted. “That was a great 18 year vacation!”
“I’ll say!” Dot agreed as she jumped out of the hole to clean her dress. “I got so much sun in Hawaii, I think I’ll have a permanent tan.” She did a little pose to show off her features.
“Uh, no offense, Dot. But you’re still black and white.”
“My favorite was that town in Oregon!” Wakko shouted happily. “I bought so many souvenirs!” He pulled out his bag and dumped its contents on the ground which included a grappling gun, a mug with a question mark on it and a rabbit with horns glued to its head.
“Yes, yes,” Yakko said to his siblings. “We’ve all had a wonderful holiday. But now it’s time to get back to work.” They all turned toward their water tower only to stop in their tracks. They stood still staring for a moment before the WB sign finally broke off and fell with a thud to the pavement below making a huge dent.
“Wha- Bu- Nu- Zuh!” Dot stuttered.
“What’s going on!?” Wakko wailed.
Yakko stayed calm and collected taking in his surroundings. “Hmm, the lot appears to be deserted. And judging from the dust…” He scooped his finger along the leg of the water tower making the entire structure shake as it finally gave way and collapsed in a rusty heap. “Yeah, we’ve been gone too long.”
“Then what are we gonna do?” Dot asked.
“Don’t worry, sibs. I know exactly the guy to go see about this.”
A quick jump cut and the Warners were inside a familiar office building. Once again they found the place utterly deserted as they waltzed past the receptionist desk on the main floor and to the elevator. Wakko pressed the up button.
“Wakko, what makes you think the elevator is going to work in a place so clearly abandoned?” Yakko asked.
“Plot convenience.” The doors opened up to reveal a lighted pleasantly well kept elevator with muzak to spare. The three walked on board and rode it up to the top.
They came to a large set of doors with a familiar name printed across them. Yakko simply opened the doors and walked in. “Hey Plotzy!!”
At the far end of a ridiculously large office was a large desk with newspapers and blankets stacked on top. As the doors burst open a figure in the pile jumped with surprise and fell off the desk. “Wha!?” The papers settled back onto the floor and desk as the figure, a small man with balding white hair, struggled to his feet. He looked over the desk angrily. “Hey get out of my house!”
“Plotzy! Don’t you mean office?” Yakko asked.
“Hasn’t been an office in years,” he replied. “And stay away from the corner. That’s my space!”
Yakko peeked at the corner he pointed to and saw a small blanket on a rope covering the corner up. The words “bathroom” were hanging from the rope. He winced. “Yeesh! What happened here, Plotzy?”
Plotz finally seemed to recognize them and sighed. “Oh, it’s you three.” He lifted himself onto the desk again and grabbed a bunch of newspapers, throwing them over him. “I really don’t want to deal with you anymore, so just leave.”
“Not until you tell us what happened to the studio,” Dot replied.
Plotz grumbled and rolled over to face them. They finally saw that his suit was disheveled as well as patched up poorly in places. He scratched his open belly, obviously not caring about the company. “There is no more studios. Warner Brothers Animation went under years ago.”
They all gasped. “No!” Wakko cried out. He rushed to a large portrait of Steven Spielberg on the wall. “Say it aint so, Steve! Say it aint so!” He slammed his fist against the portrait and it turned to dust. “Huh, I guess its so.”
Dot threw herself in Yakko’s arms. “All I wanted was an 18 year long vacation! Was that so much to ask?”
“Don’t worry, guys,” Yakko assured them. “I have a plan to rally enough money to save the studio!”
“There. Is. No. Studio!” Plotz replied angrily. “Spielberg is retired for the most part! All the animators have either died or gone on to other things. Face it. There will never be another Animaniacs!”
Wakko and Dot began to cry, while Yakko kept a straight face, stroking his chin as he thought. “Okay, so this studio is a bust. But what about other studios?”
“Hey, yeah!” Dot said. “We could be on Fox! I always wanted to meet Fox Mulder in person.”
“Cancelled,” Plotz replied nonchalantly as he saw a stain on his shirt and took it off to reveal his hairy chest. “Well, they brought it back for like a minute but… yeah he’s gone.”
“What about Disney?” Wakko asked. “I’m sure they’d love to pick us up.”
“I think they’ve got their hands a little full,” he replied as he put on an Avengers T-shirt.
“Oh, sweet siblings,” Yakko chuckled. “There is only one studio that is the most logical choice. Jumpcut to...”
They now stood in front of a building with the words “Cartoon Network” printed on the wall. “Cartoon Network?” Dot said questioningly. “Isn’t that the one with all the Hanna-Barbera stuff?”
Wakko crossed his arms in indignation. “Yakko, you know how I feel about working with Boo Boo Bear!”
Yakko held out his hands to calm them. “Relax, this is also the animation studio that’s owned Time Warner so I’m sure they’ll accept us. Plus, that HB stuff was ancient. When we left they had shows like Dexters Lab and Powerpuff Girls. Can you imagine the quality of shows they have now?”
He opened a door to the studio and they all walked in on a show being shot. A cartoonish Cyborg was dancing in front of a camera. “Let’s all do the Pee Pee Dance!!!”
Yakko slammed the door behind them, clearing his throat. “Dot, remind me to say a silent prayer for DC Comics.”
Back in another part of the studio several characters sat in a lounge waiting for their next hour on set. “Huh,” Steven Universe said. “Did you guys just get a weird feeling we just missed a great opportunity?”
“No,” Finn replied. “No,” said Jake. “No,” said Gumball. “No,” said Rigby the raccoon. “Yes,” said Panda as he played on his phone. “I mean, no.”
“Huh, just me then,” Steven shrugged.
Out on the sidewalk the three siblings sat on the curb, their heads in their hands. “What do we do now, Yakko?” Dot asked.
Yakko furrowed his brow and thought. “There’s got to be a studio that has a show that’s both wildly popular with kids and adults.”
“What about that one?” Wakko asked as he pointed across the street. Another studio stood proudly with the word “HUB” written on the side.
“Huh, weird that that’s right next door,” Dot mused.
Yakko squinted at the sign. It looked like there was writing under it. “Subsidiary of Hasbro? Uh, I don’t know, Wakko. I don’t like the idea of being owned by a toy company.”
“But they have a super popular show,” he assured him.
“And how would you know that?”
“Because we’ve only been back one day and I’ve already binge watched all five seasons of it.”
“When did you have time to binge watch a show?”
“What do you think we do in those jump cuts?” He pulled out a laptop from his bag and pulled up a page. Yakko looked at it and raised an eyebrow.
“Well, the internet doesn’t lie.” He wrapped his hands around his siblings necks into a hug. “Alright, brother and sister of mine. Looks like we’ve found our ticket back into television!”
---
Elsewhere in a magical land far far away, a white alicorn princess sat at her desk working. Suddenly a chill went up her spine. “Princess?” an attendant asked. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m not sure,” Celestia replied, furrowing her brow. “But I suddenly feel very annoyed.”
“And that’s the whole story,” Yakko finished, crossing his arms over his chest and sitting back in his chair. The network executive for the HUB sat behind a desk in front of him.
“I’m sorry. Who are you?” he asked. “You just walked into my office, sat down and said ‘that’s the whole story’.”
Yakko frowned. “I did? Oh, we must not have started out with a jumpcut. Then just let me explain.”
One jumpcut later. “And that’s the whole story.”
The exec still looked confused. “So your cartoons looking for work, but no studio will take you?”
“Not exactly,” Yakko grinned. “I’m sure any studio would take us. We’re just lazy.”
The exec suddenly realized something. “Weren’t there three of you?”
Elsewhere in the building Wakko followed a small group of people with a tour guide at the front. The woman stopped at poster on the wall. “And this is a poster for the new upcoming Transformers series the HUB will be making.” Wakko raised his hand as if he were in school. “Uh, yes?”
“Yeah, I’ve been binge watching this thing called ‘Netflix’ and it seems to me like you should really just give up on that Michael Bay fella.”
The tour guide looked confused. “Um, those are the movies, not the show. They’re different.”
Wakko narrowed his eyes. “So your saying Michael Bay isn’t in the building?”
“Yes.”
“Aw.” He turned around and pulled out his sack. From it he pulled a cartoonishly big bomb with a clock on it. He stopped the clock and shoved it in his sack again. “Next time. Next time.
Elsewhere Dot was walking around aimlessly. She stopped at a room with the words “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Writing Staff” over it. She gave the camera a wink. “If you thought it was meta before…”
Inside were three men and four women. They sat around a table, a stack of notes and drawings on before them. “How about…” Meghan McCarthy began. “Twilight discovers a spell to switch minds and accidentally does it with Rarity. Twilight wants to keep it a secret so nobody knows and Spike blabs to who he thinks is Twilight about his love for Rarity.” She looked around for support.
“I dunno,” Dave Polsky said. “Nobody seems to like Spike episodes.”
“What research are you basing this on specifically?” Cindy Morrow asked.
“How about we introduce a new character again?” Amy Keating Rogers suggested.
“We can’t just flood the show with characters,” M. A. Larson added.
“Why not? We flood the show with toys,” Chris Savino said.
“You know what’d make a great toy?” Charlotte Fullerton said.
“Me!” Dot shouted as she jumped onto the middle of the table.
Everyone jumped back in their seats, some falling over. “Who the heck are you?” Larson shouted.
“…and the Warner sister!” Dot introduced herself. She paused and frowned. “Oh, right. Just me here. Sorry, it sounds a lot better with the boys.”
“And what exactly do you want little girl?” Polsky asked. “We’re kind of busy thinking up things for a bunch of technicolor ponies to do.”
“Ponies!” Dot shouted enthusiastically. “I love ponies!”
“I do too!” Wakko added in, suddenly appearing from nowhere.
“And me makes the full monty! Wait, what were we talking about?” Yakko added in from the door. Everyone turned to the door, the writers getting up and dusting themselves off as they saw their boss the network exec walk in behind him. “Hey, sibs. You kind of just left me hanging.”
“We figured you could handle it,” Wakko shrugged.
Yakko grinned at him. “You wanted to blow up Michael Bay, didn’t you?”
“He’s just so awful!” Wakko moaned. “Wait, how do you know about him?”
“After you mentioned it the first time I decided to use my jumpcut to its fullest.”
…Back during that jumpcut…
Yakko sat in front of a TV with the lights dim and his eyes wide. “NO! Walter, you monster! Someday you will meet your just deserts. And Jessie why are you listening to this guy? He’s clearly unstable!”
…Back to the present…
“You’re a Breaking Bad fan?” Wakko asked.
“I thought it was Malcom in the Middle at first.”
“You know Walter does die at the-”
Yakko slapped his hands against his ears. “LALALALALALALA!! NOT LISTENING!!”
Dot turned to Wakko. “Just how much of Netflix have you watched?”
Wakko’s gaze drifted off. “Those have been some long jumpcuts.”
“Will someone please tell me what’s going on!?” McCarthy asked.
The exec cleared his throat. “I suppose it would be proper to introduce yourselves.”
The three lined up in front of the writers. “We’re the Warner Brothers!” Yakko and Wakko announced.
“And the Warner Sister,” Dot added as she jumped into Larson’s hands. “Call me Dot. But call me Dotty and you die.”
“And they’re here why?” Marrow asked.
“Quite simple really,” the exec said. “They’re going to be part of your staff.”
Everyone went slackjawed. “Sir! I really have to argue against this!” Savino pleaded.
The exec waved his hands in dismissal. “It’s already decided. Besides, these guys are comedy legends. Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something from them.” He steadily backed away toward the door as he spoke. “Anyway good luck, and we want a new script by tomorrow morning,” he added in hastily as he shut the door behind them and they heard a click.
All the writers looked at each other and then rushed to the door to try to pry it open but to no avail. They finally gave up and all slumped against the wall. “A new script in ten hours!” Fullerton shouted. “That’s impossible!”
“Done!” Everyone looked up to see the Warners huddled around an old typewriter that hadn’t been there a moment before. Wakko waved the fresh script in the air happily.
“No way you’re that fast,” Polsky said.
Rogers got up and grabbed the script from them, reading it to herself. She flipped through one after the other, a look of confusion growing on her face. “This is the craziest script I’ve ever seen. It reads like a bad fanfic. And could you tell me why you’re in it?”
“How else are we gonna get publicity?” Dot asked with a kissy face and a pair of shades that seemed to appear on her face.
“The show isn’t your soapbox or tool!” Larson shouted grabbing all of them by the scruff and throwing them into the corner. “Just sit there and let the adults do their job.”
“That being writing for technicolor horses,” Polsky added.
“Shut up, man,” Larson hissed at him. They all went back to their seats and began to brainstorm as if the Warners weren’t even there.
Yakko looked to the camera and pointed over his shoulder at the writers. “Our new special friends.”
“What if we have a Celestia focused episode?” Fullerton asked.
“How are we going to come up with twenty two minutes of story for a character that’s had thousands of years of history?” McCarthy asked completely serious.
Wakko appeared at her side and pointed to a crude drawing on the table. “Hey, what’s that?”
“That’s a story board,” she answered.
“What’s it do?”
“It helps the animators to know the desired flow of the story,” she answered less enthusiastically.
“Why?”
“So the show can look how we envisioned it to look.”
“Why?”
“So it’ll be good!”
“Why?”
“So all the my little pony fans out there will be happy!!”
“Why?”
She turned to Wakko with an annoyed expression. “Oh no! I’m not falling into this trap! Oldest trick in the book!”
Wakko looked offended. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You keep on asking why and I keep answering until it drives me crazy!”
“And why do you think that?”
“GRAAAH!!”
Larson was focused on a script before him as Dot jumped and threw herself into his arms. “Say Ma…”
“Actually it’s Mitchell.”
“Then why do you pronounce it M-A?”
“It’s not… What do you want?”
“Word on the street says you’re the boy I need to go to if I want a nice dramatic scene.” She accentuated her words by swooning in his arms.
“I told you we’re not putting you in the story!”
“Aw, come on! You seriously don’t want something this cute on a show about ponies?” Her lips began to tremble and her eyes became as big as dinner plates.
“Aw!” Savino said from next to him.
“Chris!”
“What? She’s the cute one! The impossibly cute one!”
Marrow and Fullerton were debating with each other. “I’m just saying, why can’t we make a meaningful Spike episode?” Marrow asked.
“And I’m not debating that,” Fullerton replied. “It’s just that there are so many other side characters that don’t get the screen time. We give more to Spike and the fans will be pounding at our door for a Ditzy episode.”
“Ladies, Ladies,” Yakko interjected. “Side characters are well and good but you’ve got to keep your protagonists at the front or they’ll walk all over you. Trust me, I know.”
“Oh,” Marrow said. “And what exactly do you know about character dynamics? You’re a comedy writer, right? You’ll never get the intricacies that come with character development.”
Yakko put his hand to his head. “Alas, you’re right. For we are but mere cartoon characters. Stuck in the same age and expression with which we were created. Conceived to do none but prance and bewilder those we come across.” The lights went out and a spotlight came on him. Marrow and Fullerton looked around in confusion as flower petals began to blow in the wind. “Would that I could give up this hollow existence and become that which is real. Perhaps a hero in some summer blockbuster or an anime protagonist… On second thought scratch the anime. Way too much emotion. Yet still, I would gladly give all of myself for one iota of continuity.” Swelling music began to play in the background. “That little spec of plot that says: I was here! I mattered! I achieved something! I have grown! Yes! We shall not go quietly into the night! For today we celebrate… our continuity!”
The lights came back on and the room was silent. “Or I could just be a kid forever and do cool things like this.” He reached in his pant pocket and pulled out an animating desk. He sat in it and began to draw fervently until he had a stack of sheets. He held them out to the two and began to flip the pages like a flip book as it showed a hand drawn version of Wakko belch and then jump off the page into Fullerton’s arms. Yakko quickly followed suit and jumped into Marrow’s. “HELLOOOOO NURSE!” they both chorused.
An hour passed like this and Polsky finally threw up his hands in defeat. “Enough! I’ve had enough of this!”
“I agree,” Rogers said slumped over. “I can’t take this anymore. I can’t think!”
The three lined up by the door in a flash and smiled widely. “So you’ll try our script?” Dot asked.
They all looked to Larson who threw up his hands too. “Fine! If it gets us home any quicker!”
Meanwhile in a magical land called Equestria…
Celestia froze as she walked down the hall. The same feeling from before hitting her. Luna was beside her and stopped as well. “Sister?”
Celestia couldn’t help but furrow her brow. “I just don’t know why but I am in the worst of moods.”
“Was it something you ate?”
“No.”
“…Maybe you just need a date.”
She gave her little sister a glare. “Let’s just get this day over with. I have a feeling it’s going to get much worse from here.”
The Warners followed their episode all the way to the animators. Getting in their way as well.
“And what’s that?”
“That’s called a tween.”
“And that?”
“That’s a keyframe.”
“And that?”
“That’s my wife.”
After many arduous weeks the episode was finished. And there was much rejoicing.
Yakko lifted a wine glass full of Mr. Pibb as he and his siblings sat around the writer’s table after hours. “Well siblings, it’s finally here. Tomorrow we get back on top!”
“I can’t wait to see the ponies!” Dot exclaimed. “I think I’ll name one Fluttershy.”
“Actually there already is one named that,” Wakko added.
“Wait, really? I was just kidding.”
“Regardless,” Yakko silenced them. “Remember the plan.”
“Steal the show and eat the scenery!” Wakko joyously exclaimed, dumping his entire wine glass, Pibb and all, into his mouth and letting out an enormous belch.
“Uh, close enough.”
---
Day of the premiere…
In the town of Ponyville…
A certain princess is reading in her library…
And it seems were using too many ellipses so on with the show…
Twilight sat in her library with a particulary engaging book. Though to her all books were engaging. Y’know, cause their books. A knock at her door made her look up. “Coming!” She walked to the front door and opened it only to be surprised beyond words. “Princess Celestia?”
Celestia smiled at her. “Hello, Twilight. May I come in?”
She bowed a little and invited her in. “What’s this about? You never come down without telling me first.”
Celestia pursed her lips and looked off to the side as if she were debating with herself. “Well, you see I’ve been getting these… feelings for the past few weeks and I honestly don’t know who to go to anymore.”
Twilight smiled since she was thrilled the princess thought of her. “Oh! I’m here to help then! I just read a book on psychology last week so maybe we could use some of that.”
Celestia frowned. “I’m not crazy!” Twilight froze. “Uh, I mean, Thank you, Twilight but no. These feelings I’ve gotten are not in my head I assure you. They feel more like ill omens. The only problem is…”
“Yes?”
“They don’t feel like portents of evil but more of… annoyance.”
“…annoyance.” Twilight looked at her teacher with a concerned gaze. “So, there’s no danger then?”
Celestia sighed. “Just the same response as everypony else. Maybe I’m just thinking too hard about this. I mean, it really doesn’t feel like a threat is coming just… something annoying.”
Twilight frowned in thought. The Princess had had prophetic visions before. It was probably better to check on this then not. “Don’t worry, princess. Me and my friends will take a look into this annoyance.”
Celestia smiled again. “Thank you, Twilight. Even if it’s just to humor me.” She began to walk to the door.
“Are you sure it’s not-”
“It’s not Discord!” Celestia shouted as she left.
“Okay,” she replied defensively.
Twilight shut the door behind her and stood in silent thought. “Something annoying, huh? I think I know just the pony to see about that.”
---
Enter theme song
Yakko, Wakko and Dot sat before a projector in a darkly lit room, their silhouettes displayed against the colorful screen as it showed the opening to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
“That was a neat opener, Yakko,” Wakko said as he munched on popcorn. “But are you sure we can’t have Discord in this episode?”
Yakko shrugged. “John Delancey had to cancel at the last minute.”
Dot swooned and little hearts appeared over her head. “Oh, John Delancey.”
“You’re a fan?”
“No, but that man’s voice is like audio butter.”
The theme song slowly began to come to an end. “Well, looks like were up,” Yakko said as he got out of his chair and stepped onto the edge of the screen. “You two coming?”
“Hold your horses,” Dot yelled back as she struggled onto the edge of the screen. “I haven’t done this in a while.”
Yakko helped Wakko up and they all took their first steps into the cartoon.
---
Just outside of Ponyville…
The Warner brothers and their sister Dot took in the new scenery that surrounded them. Yakko spread his arms in wonder and breathed in the air. “Ah! Smell that, sibs? That’s the smell of Adobe Flash in the air.”
Wakko’s eyes began to tear up as he saw a pretty blue bird gracefully land on a branch and feed its chicks. “It’s more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.”
Dot took a look around and shrugged. “Meh. I can still see the storyboard.” She grabbed the edge of the horizon and pulled back to reveal a pencil drawing of the same scene. She put it back and patted the animated dirt off her gloved hands. “Sloppy. You’d never see this kind of shoddiness with those cheap Korean animation studios.” She paused as her eyes widened and then made a forced smile to the camera. “Uh, I mean, completely legitimate American animation studios.”
“Nice save,” Yakko whispered to her with a smirk.
“Oh, let’s just go!” Dot said impatiently.
“Yes! Yes!” Wakko replied as he bounced up and down giddily.
Yakko pulled out a list from his pocket and looked it over. “Okay, do we wanna hit up Sugarcube Corner or Sweet Apple Acres first?” He looked up from his list to see both were gone. “Or maybe we could just wing it.” He crumpled the paper and tossed it away.
---
Meanwhile, at the HUB animation studios…
The animators tore at their hair as they watched the live broadcast of the episode. “What are they doing? Splitting up wasn’t in the script! Do we even have enough animation for this?”
The door to their room opened dramatically and a tall debonair figure in a blue suit strutted in. Everyone gasped. “The Director,” they all whispered to each other. “Oh my gosh, it’s the Director.” “No way, the Director?”
“What seems to be the problem?” the Director asked in a sophisticated tone.
“Uh, the Warners are messing with the script,” one animator replied. “If they go too far we won’t have enough footage for scenes to give them.”
“Then we simply make more,” the Director replied.
“But sir,” another animator insisted. “The shows going on right now! How will we-”
She was cut off as the Director grabbed her shoulders. “Right now there are children waiting to be entertained! It may be the actors’ duty to give them what they want. But we, the few chosen, must step forward to make sure that is conveyed. Now I ask you. What are you willing to sacrifice for your work? Because if that answer is not ‘your very soul’ then I say good day to you!”
The animator froze as her eyes set and she stood up. “Yes! I feel it, sir! I’m on fire!” Everyone else cheered in agreement.
The Director smiled and sat in a leather chair before waving his arm. “Good, now get to making some more screenshots.”
“Yes, sir!” they all said at once and filed out of the room. The Director was left alone to watch the screen as the Warners played and ran around Ponyville. He steepled his hands together and chuckled.
“Yes, I’ve been so patient, Warners. Wouldn’t want anything getting in the way of my revenge, would we? MwahaHAhaHAHA- Freunlaven!!!” He stopped his laughter and cleared his throat while combing back his hair, making sure no one saw that. “Yes. Revenge. Delightful.”
Twilight knew that if there was annoyance to be had, the first place to check was wherever Pinkie Pie was. The mare had long since proven to be an inescapable force of exasperation, not that she didn’t love her as a friend. And the first place to check was Sugarcube Corner.
Twilight pushed open the door to the bakery and the bell allowing them to know a new customer just walked in tingled. “Hello,” Twilight barely had her greeting out before a mass of pink fur pounced on her, putting her on her back. “Pinkie.”
“Twilight!” Pinkie shouted nose to nose. “It’s awful! It’s horrible! It’s bad bad BAD!!”
“What is it?” Twilight asked suddenly interested. Maybe Celestia wasn’t crazy after all. “A monster? Some unexplained weather phenomenon about to destroy the town? IS TIREK BACK?”
Pinkie got up and shook her head. “NO!” She pointed to her tail which was twitching like crazy. “I haven’t felt a Pinkie Sense coming on like this since Firefly got canceled!”
“Huh?”
“You know? Firefly, that Pegasus down on Third Street. We had to cancel his order because there was no way to write ‘congratulations on a second season’ on the size cake that he wanted.”
“Huh?”
“He wanted to-”
Twilight shook her hooves in the air. “Never mind. Pinkie, if you’re sensing something then is it dangerous? Do we have to be worried?”
Pinkie straightened for a moment and thought as her tail twitched behind her. “Mmmmnope. Don’t think so. Actually it feels more excitey than dangerous-y.”
Twilight sighed and placed her hoof on her face. “Great, just as cryptic as Celestia.” Behind her the door tingled open again and she turned to leave. “Well, thanks, Pinkie. I’ll talk to you later if anything comes up.” She bumped into somepony else but was too distracted to notice. “Sorry.”
“No problem,” Wakko replied.
Pinkie walked behind the counter as Wakko came to it. “What can I get you?”
Wakko’s eyes widened as he looked at the sweets on display behind the counter. He pressed his nose to the glass and began to salivate. “Can I have a free sample?”
Pinkie beamed. “Sure!” She reached into the case and pulled out a brownie before giving it to him. Instead of taking it Wakko simply opened his mouth and wrapped it around her hoof before slurping the brownie up and chewing. Pinkie lifted her hoof expecting gross drool but it was actually clean, cleaner than before actually. “Wow! I need to learn how to do that!”
Something slapped Pinkie in the back of the head and she turned. Her tail was eagerly pointing at Wakko with urgency. Pinkie looked to Wakko then to her tail. Then to Wakko. Then to her tail. Then she crossed her eyes and looked at both at the same time. “Hey!” she realized. “You’re new in town!” If her tail had a face it would have slapped itself.
“I guess you could say that,” he replied. “Call me Wakko.” He held out a hand.
“I’m Pinkie Pie!” she greeted back. “It’s super duper nice to meet you!” She paused as she tilted her head and looked at him. “So… what are you exactly?”
Wakko smiled and shrugged. “I’m pretty sure I’m whatever the animator wants me to be.”
“Pinkie, are you out here?” Mister Cake walked out of the kitchen and paused as he saw the scene before him. “Um, hello.” Wakko waved happily at him. Carrot slid over to Pinkie and whispered into her ear. “What is that?”
“I think he’s a whatever,” Pinkie replied.
Carrot rolled his eyes. “Sure. Look, Pinkie. Mrs. Cake and I need to go out on a run for more confectioner sugar. Can I count on you to take care of the twins?”
Pinkie saluted as behind her Wakko began to lick all over the glass of the display case. “You can count on me!”
Carrot looked slightly disgusted by Wakko but nodded. “Uh, yeah. Alright then, we’ll be back in an hour.” He turned and went back through the kitchen.
Pinkie smiled happily. “Alright! I should probably go check on the foals right now. Let me know when you’ve made a deci-” She turned and saw Wakko sitting on the floor happily playing with two adorable familiar foals. “Oh, I guess they’re up.” She was only slightly surprised.
Wakko lay on his belly and waved his legs around in the air as he booped Pumpkin’s nose and she giggled. “Daaaaww!!! They are the cutesiest wootsiest pootsiest…” He caught himself and coughed. “Oh no, I’m turning into Dot.”
Pinkie went to pick up Pound Cake who was crawling away. “I know! They’re the most adorable little things you’ve ever seen, aren’t they?” She looked back to Wakko and Pumpkin. He got up as a lightbulb appeared over his head.
“Oh! I know!” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a sack. Wakko rummaged in it until he found what he was looking for. He took out a giant mobile and began to pull its incredible length from his small sack. Pinkie watched in amazement.
“Wow!” She uttered as he set it on the floor above the twins who became transfixed. “That’s amazing!” What else you got in there?”
“Oh, lots of things,” Wakko replied pulling out a bowling ball then a live swan. The swan honked and then flew out the window.
“Ooooh!” Another slap came to the back of her head and she turned to see her tail with a mind of its own pointing dramatically at Wakko and the bag. Pinkie frowned and finally just grabbed a rubber band from the counter and tied her tail in a knot to silence it. “So can I try it?” she asked.
“Sure!” Wakko reached down to grab his bag but missed. He looked down to see the bag was gone, or at least slightly out of reach and in the hands of… “Uh oh.”
A few feet away, Pumpkin lifted the sack above her head with a laugh and dumped it on Pound who disappeared in an instant. Pinkie’s frame stiffened and she let out a silent scream. Wakko ran to the foal and grabbed the sack from her. “Hang on! I can fix this!” He was about to rummage through the bag before Pumpkin frowned at him and her horn began to glow. The sack glowed with the same aura and she magically tugged on it. “Hey! Let go!”
Pinkie ran over to Wakko and tried to help him pull on the sack but Pumpkin had a pretty strong grip on it. “Why is a baby this strong?” Wakko asked.
“Baby unicorns’ magic is erratic!” Pinkie replied as she struggled.
“Erratic doesn’t mean strong, it means unpredictable. Like this.” He suddenly let go of the sack and its strength pulled Pinkie toward Pumpkin. The foal barely had time to register as the sack flew toward her and enveloped her like her brother.
Pinkie shot up. “AAAAAAHHH!!!!”
“Oops,” Wakko said apologetically.
“We… I… Need…” Pinkie’s eye twitched and she began to chuckle nervously.
“There’s only one option left,” Wakko said with a determined expression.
Pinkie stopped and looked at him with wide eyes. “And what’s that?”
Wakko pulled on the ends of his hat until they snapped back and turned into a swimmer’s cap. “We dive!” He then narrowed his hands and jumped high before performing a triple axel into the open sack.
Pinkie trotted nervously in place. “GrrrrAAaah! Alright!” She ran to the store front and switched the open sign to closed before jumping in after him.
---
Big Mac wiped the sweat from his forehead as he finished up his repairs to the gazebo. It was a task that took nearly all day but he was proud to see it restored in all its glory. His pride was interrupted though when he noticed a small knick in the white painted paneling. He chuckled. Guess he hadn’t gotten everything. No matter, a little more white wash and it’d be good as new.
He turned around and picked up the bucket of paint with his mouth before turning back and immediately opening his mouth in horror. A small black bunny… dog… thing in a pink skirt was suddenly hanging from a hammock tied across the gazebo roof’s pillars, a towel around her shoulders as she looked to be relaxing. The bucket of paint nearly hit the ground and exploded before he jerked his head to catch it in his teeth. He stared wild eyed at the creature and tried to make the words to get it to leave but his mouth was full at the moment.
The creature turned to him with a relaxed expression and put on a pair of shades. “Oh, you must be the cabana boy.” She pulled out an empty martini glass from nowhere and placed it on top of the paint can in his mouth. “One more strawberry slush would be divine.” She leaned back and relaxed again before beginning to swing the hammock back and forth. Big Mac saw the pillars shake and nervously glanced at the roof. It was beginning to swing back and forth too. He just repaired that, it wouldn’t take that kind of abuse.
He pled the creature with a moan to leave but she responded by merely lowering her shades at him. “Oh, I suppose you want a tip. Well, I’m nothing if not applicable.” She pulled out a large bag with a dollar sign on it and placed it on top of the martini glass which sat on top of the paint can. “Here, have a bag of money.”
Big Mac’s knees buckled under the sudden weight. It was more than he thought. Just what was in that bag? Gold bricks? The balance of the things he carried steadily began to sway to the right and he hopped to the right as well to keep it balanced. Then it swayed left and he went that way. When he finally righted himself he let out the smallest sigh of relief.
The skirted girl got up off the hammock and stretched a little. “You know, I actually think I’ll go for a swim. Cabana boy, which way is the pool?”
Big Mac wearily lifted a hoof in any direction. Just to get this thing out of here. She smiled and batted her eyes at him. “Thank you.” As she left she tossed the towel around her shoulders up and it landed daintily on the stack of things he carried. Big Mac felt his knees shake and he looked up. He gave a sigh of remorse and let the stack fall on top of him.
---
“Steady… Steady…” Rarity was completely concentrated as she threaded her needles through the silk on her workshop table. Spike stood by as emergency help and an excellent pincushion. The needle plunged through and she let out a breath of relief.
“I don’t mean to be rude, Rarity, but are you gonna do that for every stitch?” Spike asked as politely as he could.
“Oh, Spike,” Rarity chuckled nervously and held the silk aloft. “This is Neighponese silk! It is the most expensive and hard to get fabric in Equestria. The only reason I have it is because Miss Sapphire Shores provided it for me for her new dress. Therefore, I must be nothing but exact. The slightest off target stitch or patch will ruin it!”
“Okay, just asking.”
The sound of the boutique bell sounded below. “Be a dear and see who’s there, Spike. I need to keep working on this.”
“You got it,” Spike saluted and ran to the door. He descended the staircase and came to the main floor of the boutique ready to greet whoever was there. He had long since memorized Rarity’s introduction. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique! Where every garment is chic, unique and magnifique!”
“You know that’s a French word?”
Spike looked up and saw a creature taller than him in long tan slacks. Some kind of bunny… dog… thing. He grinned down at him. “Uh, can I help you?”
He bent down and poked him in the forehead. “Y’know it seems like everything in this world speaks the same language so how come you got a French word?”
“Uh…” He grabbed the small dragon by the head and gave him a noogie.
“Aw, don’t worry little guy, I’m just messin’ with ya. Besides, it’s not you that has to answer that question.”
Somewhere else, the writers watched the live broadcast and pulled their collars nervously.
“Who are you?” Spike shouted as he dislodged himself from the noogie.
“Spike!” Rarity shouted from above. “Keep it down!”
Spike winced. “Sorry,” he whispered back. “Who are you?” he continued to whisper.
“We’re the… Nah, that jokes been run into the ground. Call me Yakko.”
He extended a hand and Spike hesitantly took it. “Okay, so what are you here for?”
“Oh, you know, sight seeing. Maybe a little shopping. Takeoveryoutimeslotandtotallyruinyourshowtogetoursbackontheair. Fresh country air. That kind of thing.”
“Wait, what was that middle one?”
Yakko was immediately at a line of dresses pushing the hangers back and oohing and awing at each one. He placed a hand to his mouth and addressed the camera. “If this were a looney tunes production you’d probably see me in half these dresses.”
Spike frowned and walked up to Yakko. “If you’re not going to buy anything then I think you should leave!”
“Spike!” Rarity shouted.
Spike winced again. “So if you could just leave…”
Yakko held out his gloved hand. “Au contraire. See I can use French words too.” He motioned to his chest and torso. “I’ve actually been thinking about finally getting a shirt. Something slimming. These slacks are starting to make me look fat.”
Spike let out a long sigh and slapped his forehead. “Okay. Sit over there and I’ll take your measurements.”
Yakko dashed across the boutique and pulled out a line of hangers with men’s shirts. “Actually I was thinking I’d just browse.”
Spike stared at the new shirts dumbfounded. Rarity hadn’t made any of those, did she? “Fine, just pick one and go.”
“Not so fast!” Yakko pronounced. “You can’t just try on clothes without a musical montage. It’s in the rules.”
“Huh?”
“Hit it!” Suddenly the scene changed and music began to play as Spike sat in a chair and watched as Yakko left a curtained off changing room and showed off a blue polo.
The music played over his posing. SOME BOYS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL-
“Woah! Hey, sorry!” The music came to a halt and the singing stopped. “Sorry about that. Can’t have copyrighted songs in here. Hmm, how about…” he snapped his fingers.
“Nah, catchy but it doesn’t really fit.” He snapped again.
AT THE GALA, AT THE GALA-
“Close. Man, this is hard. How about…”
I’LL BE THE TOAST OF THE TOWN, THE GIRL ON THE GO. I’M THE TYPE OF PONY EVERY PONY, EVERY PONY SHOULD KNOW…
“Eh, good enough.”
The music resumed and Yakko emerged from the curtain with a flash from nowhere to reveal himself in a new shirt. A green golf shirt. A Hawaiian. Etc. Spike tried to argue but the music simply got louder when he would speak up.
“SPIKE!!” Rarity shouted from above making him jump in his seat. The white unicorn stomped down the stairs angrily and glared at the dragon. “I thought I…” She suddenly noticed the song playing.
I’M THE CRÈME DE LA CRÈME, NOT JUST ANOTHER JANE DOE. I’M THE TYPE OF PONY EVERY PONY, EVERY PONY SHOULD KNOW…
“What in the…” Rarity muttered as she listened to her own voice. She spotted a small boombox sitting on a stool by the stairs and pushed pause on it. She opened the tape deck and pulled out a tape labeled “Rarity Unleashed” Her face went red. “I-I don’t know h-how you got that recording, but I was just a little low on rent that month.” She smiled nervously but shook her head to clear it. “Never mind that,” she silently slipped the tape into her drawer. “What is going on?”
“Mademoiselle!” Yakko announced as he skidded over to Rarity and took her hoof to kiss it. “Enchanted to meet you, Miss Rarity. I am Yakko Warner. I was just having your servant boy show me some clothes.”
“Servant boy?” Spike shouted.
Rarity’s face was flushed by the introduction. “Oh, well Mr. Warner, you certainly seem to have an eye for fashion.”
Spike did a double-take as now Yakko was decked out in a full on tuxedo, his ears slicked back like hair. “I try to enjoy the finer things,” he chuckled.
“Don’t listen to him, Rarity!” Spike said angrily. “This guy just came in here and started making a ruckus!”
“Is this true?” Rarity asked.
Yakko put a hand to his forehead and overacted the hell out of it. “Alas, it’s true. In my zeal to find a new set of clothes I may have subjected the poor little dragon to some musical accompaniment. But I cannot help it if he doesn’t like the sound of your melodious voice.”
Rarity gave an embarrassed laugh before turning to Spike. “You really don’t like the sound of my voice, Spike?”
Spike’s eyes widened. “What? No!”
“So you don’t?”
“No! I mean, yes! I mean, I think you sound-”
“Like heaven’s choir has lost an angel,” Yakko finished for him, giving Rarity another kiss.
“Oh, my,” Rarity giggled.
Spike turned away from the sight and made a gagging motion. “Spew and a half.”
---
Twilight sat at her library in her castle, pouring over the books she’d taken out on tricksters and other malefic spirits. Sure enough Discord had been prominent in all of them, but the rest of the various ghosts and ghouls didn’t sound like anything Celestia would particularly worry about. She was becoming frazzled and needed a new perspective.
Twilight gave a deadpan expression and rolled her eyes. She would have to call him if she wanted any answers.
“Come on out, Discord. I don’t feel like playing today.” She waited a moment but no draconequus appeared. “Discord! Get out here!”
A bright light flashed before her eyes and she looked up to see a figure appearing from it. She shaded her eyes until it dissipated but was not greeted by the familiar spirit of chaos she had expected. Instead a short stocky middle aged man with a deadpan expression floated before her dressed like an angel with a star wand. “Greetings, Princess,” he greeted in a dull monotone. “I am the good fairy.”
“Okay,” Twilight said skeptically. “Why?”
“Well, I used to be called a desire fulfillment facilitator but that seemed too long so I switched back to the old fashioned one. But you could call me Pip.”
“No, I mean, why are you here?”
Pip blinked, unfazed. “I’ve kind of been out of work for a while now so I recently got this new gig answering calls for otherworldly beings that don’t want to be summoned.”
Twilight arched an eyebrow. “So you’re like his secretary?”
“More like his answering machine, but that’s neither here nor there,” Pip replied in his monotone. He lifted his wand dramatically while keeping his dull look. “You wish to know of the threat that faces you, correct?”
Twilight’s eyes lit up. “Yes!”
“Something prophesied by your ruler and thus could prove catastrophic?”
“YES! YES! YES!”
He let his hands fall to his sides. “Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it.”
“Huh?” Twilight seemed disheartened.
Pip then shot forward and pressed his nose against hers. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t face something even more dire.”
Twilight pushed him away and frowned. “What do you mean?”
He fished inside his robes for a minute before pulling a paper out. “Hang on, he wanted me to tell it to you like this. Ahem,” he began to read. “Three strange creatures shall you find, with abilities to blow your mind. But threats to all they pose to none at all, you’ll find your real enemy on the other side of the fourth wall.”
Twilight stared up at the fairy for a moment hoping there was more. “That’s it!?”
“Yup.”
She gritted her teeth and shooed him off. “I guess it’s better than nothing. Gives me something to start with.” She grabbed her books and put them away before turning to see the good fairy still there. “Um, you can go now.”
“Well, I would you like to take a survey first.” He pulled out another pad a paper from his robes. “Would you say that all your questions have been answered to the best possible ability?”
The Director watched the episode from the animation room. The animators worked furiously to create the new scenes that the Warners continuously put themselves in. Sweat pouring from each of their brows. “Uh, sir?” an animator raised his hand. “We’ve reached the scene inside of Wakko’s sack. How should we animate it?”
The director raised an eyebrow. “No one has ever seen inside of Wakko’s bag. Thus it’s new territory. Why don’t we give him something interesting to come across, eh?”
“Like what?”
The director steepled his fingers beneath his chin and grinned. “His worst nightmare.”
---
Pinkie and Wakko landed in the midst of an enormous pile of garbage and various nonsensical items. They both got up, Pinkie rubbing her rump as she landed hard. “Wow, you really don’t clean this place up much, huh?”
Wakko crossed his arms and pouted. “Well, I’m sorry. I never expected to get a girl into my sack.”
Pinkie turned to the camera and blew a kiss. “Good night everybody!”
“Now where did those two scamps run off to?” Wakko scanned the area around them. “We’ve got the gag canyon over there. Fried Rock over there, that’s where I keep my snackies. And the mascara desert.”
Pinkie looked where he was and saw indeed a vast landscape of makeup and other accessories. “Why do you need something like that?”
Wakko blushed. “It was Dot’s idea.”
From not far off they both heard the joyous sound of two foals laughing. “That way!” Pinkie shouted. “Let’s go!”
They ran off in the direction of the sound. Turning a corner, they came upon a sight that stopped them dead in their tracks. The garbage and knickknacks had given way to an enormous studio set with exaggeratedly large cameras and lights. The set was one of a children’s classroom with an enormous globe, books and plastic table and chairs. It felt like they had shrunk to the size of ants. “What do you call this place?” Pinkie asked.
“I don’t know,” Wakko answered. He trembled slightly as a shiver went up his back. “But it gives me the jeebies. But not to worry! I can face any danger. After all, in the sack is where a boy becomes a man.”
Pinkie gave him a deadpan expression. “Okay, that was going out of your way a little.”
Wakko slouched. “Yeah, you’re right.”
The laughter resumed and they both looked up. Somehow the twins had made their way up the enormous children’s table on the set and had climbed up on the globe. Pound floated off to the side as Pumpkin sat on top and he spun it, to her delight.
Pinkie’s eyes became the size of dinner plates. “AAAAHH!! No! That’s not a good idea! Very bad! Get down here right now young filly!” Pound and Pumpkin didn’t seem to hear her as they were having fun. Suddenly the ground shook and Wakko and Pinkie were lifted off the ground by the shock, falling on their bottoms. “What was that?”
Wakko looked around in earnest. “I don’t know, I-” he was cut off as another boom came and he toppled over. His eyes fixed on something in the distance as it got closer and closer. “Oh no. Not him!”
Pinkie turned to look at what he was seeing only for her ears to fall back and her mane to dampen significantly. “Is that a…”
“Howdy Hi, boys and girls!!! GuHAhahaHA!!” The giant orange dinosaur chuckled. To any normal sized pony or child it would be terrifying. This… this was nightmarish.
“BALONEY!!!” Wakko shouted and ran in another direction from the friendly dinosaur.
“Wait!” Pinkie shouted after him, but he was already out of earshot. “Great, now what do I do?”
The giant orange dinosaur continued to bounce around the room randomly, his footsteps causing the ground to shake. Pinkie noticed that he hadn’t yet noticed the twins or the globe yet. “If I can just get up there.” She dashed to the legs of the table and wrapped her arms around it, shimmying up ever so slightly. It was arduous work and it felt hard but she had to make it. To save the twins! “Must get to babies! Must not get chewed out by Mr. Cake! Must… go on diet.”
She reached the edge of the table and pulled herself up with a gasp before flopping on the floor in a heap. “Whew! That was an ordeal.” She looked up from the lying on the ground to still see the foals happily playing on the globe. They even waved to her. “At least they’re still-”
“Let’s all learn about countries, boys and girls!” the dinosaur shouted happily. In one swift motion he snatched up the globe and brought it to his face. The foals stopped playing and stared in terror at the giant dumb face before bursting out in tears. Baloney reared back his hand and prepared to slap the globe. “Spinny spin spin!”
“NO!!” Pinkie shouted from the table. Desperately flailing her arms to get him to stop.
A large explosion rattled the studio and a giant pile of miscellany toppled over to reveal a giant yellow exosuit with claw like hands. Wakko sat behind the controls and pointed confrontationally at the dinosaur. “Get away from them, you snitch!”
“Snitch?”
Wakko shrugged. “It’s still a kids’ cartoon. If I used bad words what kind of precedent would I be setting?” He got back into angry mode and commanded the exosuit to run full force at the dinosaur.
Baloney threw the globe in the air and clapped. “Oh, boy! A new bestest friend!” He began to bound toward the exosuit.
Pinkie watched the globe spin through the sky, the twins holding on for dear life. “Hold on! I’ll save you!” She looked around desperately before spotting a stapler at the edge of the table. Her eyes darted to the book case above and saw a red rubber ball. “Hang on!!”
Just as the exosuit and dinosaur clashed, Pinkie jumped on the stapler. It catapulted her up to the bookcase where she hit the ball and bounced off it, soaring through the air toward the globe. The edge of the sphere spun around revealing the twins just as Pinkie passed over them. She lowered her hooves and grabbed them both as she made a pass through the air, holding them tight. Behind them the globe collided with the ground and exploded in a giant fireball that looked pretty cool behind them as they flew through the air. “Wow! I gotta try that more often.” Pumpkin broke her attention when she pointed to the fast approaching ground. “Oh, right. Didn’t get that far.”
They all began to scream as they came close to death, until a giant mechanical claw appeared and caught them easily. Pinkie looked up at Wakko in the exosuit as he beamed. “Did you see it? That was the most epic fight scene ever!”
Pinkie shrugged apologetically. “I didn’t see that, sorry.”
Wakko sulked and lowered the exo suit down before getting out. “You mean nobody saw me beat Baloney and fight off an army of dragons and cure cancer and fall in love?”
“No, I think we blew the budget on that explosion.”
“Aw!”
They passed the giant unconscious form of Baloney with a 10 ton anvil on his head. “Is he gonna be okay?” Pinkie asked.
Wakko waved a dismissive hand. “It’s a cartoon, nobody gets hurt in cartoons.”
---
The Director stood in front of a white hospital bed, the actor that played Baloney the dinosaur in critical condition before him. An animator walked up behind him.
“Sir? It looks like the acting agency that employs Baloney the dinosaur is sewing us for negligence.”
The Director seethed, his eye twitching slightly. “Any other news?” he asked angrily.
The animator pursed his lips. “Well, are we still going the whole animated angle? Because if so, how does this joke make sense? I mean that’s a real guy, how did he-”
“Enough with the meta! The metas enough in this story to make Aristotle wretch in his grave! Oy!”
The animator shut up. “Uh, so what do we do?”
“What’s the next scene?”
“Applejack and Dot.”
The Director rubbed his chin thoughtfully and grit his teeth. “What can I throw at those meddling brats that will stop them in their tracks?”
He looked past the animator into the hall of the hospital. A door to the lab was open and something inside caught his eye. He grinned maniacally. “Ohohoho! I have an idea.”
The animator stood there awkwardly while the Director rubbed his hand together and said nothing. “So… are you going to tell me what it is?”
“Hm? Oh, sorry. I assumed the scene would cut-”
---
Applejack looked down at the pig pen from the gate and frowned. “When Ah find the weasel that did this…” she muttered under her breath. The pen which had once been full of the happy squeals of muddy pigs was quiet. Because there was no mud. The pigs simply walked around aimlessly, their bodies completely clean and looking miserable. “Who in tarnation steals mud!? Seriously!”
“You sure it didn’t just dry up?” Rainbow asked from beside her. The two had just gotten back from a round of dares.
Applejack turned to her with a serious look. “Then where did the mud on the pigs go?”
Rainbow squinted at the downtrodden swine. “They could have licked it off.”
“Pigs don’t eat mud, Rainbow.”
Rainbow threw her arms up in exasperation. “Then why do they roll around in it?”
“It’s to keep them cool.”
“Oh.”
Applejack gave her friend a curious glance. “You seriously thought they ate mud?”
“Well, their pink!” Rainbow explained.
Applejack paused. “Yes. Yes, they are.”
“And worms are pink, they eat dirt.”
Applejack was at a loss for words. “You think that pink things eat dirt? What about Pinkie Pie?”
It was Rainbow’s turn to give her friend a concerned look. “Have you seen Pinkie Pie eat?”
A moment of silence between the both of them and Applejack shook it off. “Let’s get back to the subject. We need to get the mud back before the pigs start getting’ fussy.” She jumped over the fence and began to investigate a little more. A small hole in the center of the sty caught her attention. “Huh?”
She walked over to it and bent down to look in. It was some kind of pipe. Experimentally, she tossed a pebble in. The rock ricocheted off the lead lining and bounced again and again off the walls of the round pipe. Soon enough the sound moved so that she could hear it beneath her. She jumped over the fence again and with Dash followed the underground sound. Rainbow followed behind Applejack as she kept her head low to the ground to hear. “Hey, look ou-” Rainbow shouted just as Applejack’s head collided with the side of the barn.
The cowpony rubbed her head tenderly. “Darn, that smarts!”
Rainbow walked up behind her. “Is it in the barn?”
AJ narrowed her eyes in determination. “Let’s find out.”
Another moment later she kicked down the door dramatically. “Got you, you mud thief!”
Rainbow leaned in to whisper to her. “You know, those were your doors, right? I think you just busted them.”
“Big Mac can handle it,” she replied nonchalantly.
At the other end of the barn, where the bales of hay should have been, there was now a long dug pit in the ground, with bubbling mud in it. The ponies spied a small figure lying at the head of the pit with cucumbers over her eyes, looking completely relaxed. She didn’t even seem to notice AJ and Rainbow enter.
Applejack stomped her way over to the girl and snorted to get her attention. “Excuse me!” She lifted a cucumber and looked up at her. “That’s mah mud!”
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize there was a sign up sheet for the mud baths,” she apologized politely. “I mean, I looked around but this place is so poorly designed. And no ambient music makes it a little rustic.”
“That’s cause it’s a farm!” Applejack iterated.
The girl lifted her other cucumber and finally seemed to look around. “Oh! That makes sense. I was wondering why the Ponyville Day Spa would have so many outdoor features. It’s all these pastel colors with no defining lines they just make everything blend together.”
Applejack wanted to say something else but Rainbow cut her off as she walked over. “What are you?”
“You know, that question is getting a little old,” she replied. “Here’s the fan theories.” She produced a large stack of paper from seemingly nowhere and placed it in Rainbow’s hooves. “Take your pick.”
“Are you gonna get out of there?!” Applejack asked.
“Hold your horses, Clint Eastwood,” she held up a hand. “I still have five more minutes.”
“With mah mud!” AJ was beginning to lose her cool. “Just how did you get it in here anyway?”
The girl raised an eyebrow at her. “Me? It was like this when I got here.”
“Huh?” Before Applejack could ask her to explain a rumbling filled the barn. The girl looked down at the mud as it began to pulse and move.
“Okay, maybe I can end the session a little early,” she joked. But just before she could get out the mud constricted around her and held her in place. Two large tendrils of mud shot out from the hole and clung to the sides as they seemed to lift the mud into the air, like a vampire from a coffin.
Two more tendrils emerged from the lower half and AJ and Dash saw that they were legs. The first two tendrils becoming arms. The girl at the top of the mud seemed to be directly in its mouth. “Okay,” Rainbow grinned. “Maybe mud is much more interesting than I thought.”
The mud monster made a hocking noise and proceeded to spit the girl out onto the floor. She landed on her bottom but seemed sparkling clean. Nonchalantly, she took out a compact mirror and looked at herself. “Wow, are you sure you’re not a spa cause that stuff is magical.” AJ’s eyes widened as the mud monster roared and brought its fist down toward the girl. She ran up and bucked it as hard as she could, making the mud explode. “By the way, I’m Dot,” the girl presented herself as the mud showered around them.
“Not exactly the best time,” Applejack grimaced as she wiped the mud from her face.
“Hey, ugly!” Rainbow shouted from the air. The monster turned and seemed to glare at her before swinging a hand. She dodged. “Missed me!” It lurched and swung again. “Missed me, again.” Then a third arm grew directly out of its chest and slammed her right into the wall. It retracted as Dash slid to the ground covered in wet dirt. “Okay, I’ll give you that one,” she winced.
“Just what in Faust’s name is this thing?!” Applejack asked Dot.
“I don’t know. It’s your mud, remember?” she crossed her arms.
Dot stood off to the side as the mud monster swiped a giant forearm at Applejack. She dodged narrowly avoiding the mutant mess and nabbed a length of rope hanging from the barn pillar. “Alright, muckity muck. Time to clean your clock!”
Dot tapped her chin. “Not bad. But I would have gone for ‘Haven’t you heard its rude to track mud in the house?’”
“We’re not in a house,” Rainbow muttered in pain from the ground.
“Oh, right.”
Applejack tried to lasso the creature. She tossed her loop around its arm and yanked tight slicing the arm from its body. It fell to the earth with a wet plop and lost its form. For a moment the monster looked between AJ and its arm in silence before simply regenerating the arm. “Oh, applesauce,” AJ murmured under her breath.
The creature let out another roar and this time its arms elongated and snatched up the two ponies before they could react. They both struggled against the mud in vain and Applejack glared at Dot who was standing still. “You can help any time now!”
Dot cocked her eyebrow and then walked out the door. Applejack’s eyes widened. “Did she just…”
“Not the time, AJ!” Rainbow shouted. They were still about to be eaten. Applejack looked back to the monster as it raised them high and opened up its gaping mouth to swallow them whole. “Well, at least you can say you didn’t expect this to happen today?”
Applejack was about to shout at her friend but it was their last moments. Instead she sighed. “Yeah, Ah guess.” And then it ate them.
The next thing Applejack felt was a burst of water in her face. She sputtered and batted the stream away as it went up her nose and soaked her coat. When she finally opened her eyes she was sitting in her barn once more but the whole place was soaked with wet dirt. Rainbow sat next to her, an equally baffled expression on her face. Dot stood before them pointing a hose at them and spraying it all over. “What is goin’ on!?”
Dot gave her a look. “It was mud.” She pointed to the hose. Almost in sync, both mares slapped their foreheads for being so stupid.
“But I still don’t get what made that thing anyway,” Rainbow asked as she shook the water and bits of dirt from her.
Dot turned off the hose and turned her eyes to the ground. “I think I have an idea.”
Behind a bale of hay a large mound of mud shook violently until two white mice stood where it had once been. “Aw, no more mud,” Pinky, the taller whined.
“Yes,” Brain replied in an irritable manner. “It appears my plan to use golems to take over this world has proven faulty. Well, one down.” He began to walk to the barn door. “Come Pinky, we must prepare for tomorrow night.”
Pinky trailed after him in earnest. “Why, Brain? What are we gonna do tomorrow night?”
“The same thing we do every night Pinky. Try to take over the world.”
THEY’RE PINKY! THEY’RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN BRAIN-
“Hold it!” Dot shoved her foot in front of the two mice as they tried to leave.
“Huh, this is new,” Brain said as he rubbed his chin.
“What is?” Dot asked.
“It’s just no one ever seems to try to stop us from leaving after a plan has failed.”
Applejack walked up to Dot and looked between her and the mice. “You tellin’ me two rats made that monster that nearly killed us!?”
“Actually, I am a laboratory mouse bent on world domination,” Brain replied.
Both mares stood dumbfounded. “Did that rat just talk?”
“Oy, Brain!” Pinky shouted. “That horsey just talked!”
“Yes, yes!” Dot shouted to get attention. “Everyone can talk! What are you doing here?”
Brain cleaned out his ear after Dot’s shout. “If you must know, we were invited.”
“Invited?” Dot’s eyes narrowed. “By whom?”
Rainbow leaned over to AJ. “Hey, you ever get the feeling you’re missing, like, the whole story?”
Applejack’s face went deadpan and she turned to leave. “Ah’m goin’ to bed.”
“What? AJ don’t you wanna see how this turns out?”
“Nope!” She gave a faint wave as she headed out the barn.
Dot gave Rainbow a shrug. “It’s probably better this way. It’ll be easier on the voice actor.”
---
Back in the Hasbro animation studios. The Director sat grinding his teeth. “What now, sir?” an animator asked.
The Director’s face began to grow red but he held back his anger. “No, this is fine. The lab mice were just a warm up after all.” He grinned maliciously and pulled out a cell phone. “Those Warners hate being upstaged? I’ll give them an upstaging they’ll never forget!”
One of the animators leaned over to his coworker. “You know, I don’t think he’s a real Director.”
The other animator gave him a deadpan gaze. “Wise insight. You proud of that pointless two seconds of screen time you just stole, Jerry?”
“You have your victories, I’ll have mine.”
Rarity and Yakko continued to talk as Spike grew more and more aggravated. Just when is this guy going to leave, he thought as he drummed his claws against the wall.
“…so I flushed it down the toilet,” Yakko finished his anecdote.
Rarity laughed. “Oh, Mr. Warner. You have such an interesting sense of humor.”
“Yeah, he’s more juvenile than me,” Spike grumbled. Why is Rarity taking so long talking to him? “Didn’t you need some clothes?”
Yakko straightened up. “Right! Gotta look good if we’re gonna steal the show.”
Rarity smiled. “Oh, well, we have some lovely-”
“There!” Spike shouted and pointed at him. “There he did it again! He keeps slipping it in hoping we won’t notice!”
“Notice what, Spike?” Rarity asked looking a little annoyed.
“That thing about a show!”
Suddenly Yakko was behind him. “Aw, don’t worry yourself about the metaphysical stuff, little guy. You’re a little young to understand.” He squeezed his cheek.
“Me? You’re a kid too, right!”
“Actually I’m a cartoon character that’s been around since the 1930’s.”
Rarity laughed again. “Oh, Mr. Warner, you are a card.”
Spike let his mouth hang dumbfounded. “But… But he… Arrrgh!!” Spike grabbed Yakko by his pants and easily lifted him, he seemed lighter than expected. He stomped over to the door.
“Spike! What are you doing?”
“Getting rid of a nuisance!” He lifted his leg to boot him out. “And stay out!” A moment later Spike flew out the door and landed on his butt a few feet away. He looked around dumbfounded. “What just happened?!”
Back in the Boutique Yakko dusted his gloved hands off and closed the door. “Well, that was fun.”
Rarity blinked at him. “Um, what just happened?”
Yakko put an elbow on her shoulder. “Cartoon physics. Great gag, but don’t question it.” Suddenly his ears perked up and he fell to his knees clutching his head.
“Are you alright?” Rarity asked with concern.
Lines began to pulse from Yakko’s head. “Ancillary Character senses… tingling!”
The door burst open and Dot trailed I followed by Rainbow. “Anypony know why Spike is sitting outside in a daze?” she asked.
Yakko straightened up. “So good to finally have a scene together, sister of mine,” he grinned as he wiped dust off his pants.
Dot held out her hand. “We may have a snafu.” She opened her hand to reveal two laboratory mice.
Yakko leaned down and examined them. “I should have known you two would try to steal our thunder.”
Brain looked displeased. “We’ve done no such thing. We were invited here.”
Yakko’s eyes narrowed. “And who else was ‘invited’ here?”
Fluttershy hummed softly as she attended to her animals. She poured feed in the appropriate bowls for all of them as they scampered up to eat. Quickly she took a head count in case one was missing. She came out with two extra heads. “Hmm… I don’t remember having quite so many.” She spotted a cat sitting to the side not eating anything. “Oh, what’s wrong, kitty? You’re so skinny you should really eat something.”
The cat licked its paw and rolled its eyes. “I’ll just order some take-out.”
“Hey Rita!” A big shaggy dog jumped from the crowd of pets around the food bowls. “You definitely gotta try this grub! Definitely!”
“Just finish up Runt and let’s go.”
Fluttershy fell silent. “Um, did you just talk?”
The cat waved a sarcastic paw in the air. “Lo and behold, it can think.”
Fluttershy’s eyes went wide and her smile grew big. “EEEEEEEEEE!!!!” She scooped up the cat and hugged her tight. “I’ve always wanted a talking pet!”
Elsewhere by the food bowls a white rabbit let out a loud huff. Runt finally finished eating and walked over to see Rita struggling against Fluttershy’s embrace. “Daaww! Rita, you made a friend.”
Rita finally slipped out of the pegasus’ grip and landed on Runt’s head. “The day I let myself be a pet to a horse is the day I stop singing.”
“You can sing!?” Fluttershy’s eyes sparkled even more.
“Oh, Rita’s definitely a good singer! Definitely! Definitely a good singer!”
Rita gave a smirk of superiority and shrugged. “Eh, it comes naturally.”
Fluttershy excitedly flew in her face. “Oh! I love to sing too! THERE’S MUSIC IN THE TREETOPS, THERE’S MUSIC IN THE VALE! AND ALL AROUND THE MUSIC FILLS THE SKY!” Suddenly percussion and instruments began to play from seemingly nowhere as she sang. Rita looked around in bafflement as the animals also began to move to Fluttershy’s song. “THERE’S MUSIC BY THE RIVER, AND THERE’S MUSIC IN THE GRASS! AND THE MUSIC MAKES YOUR HEART SOAR IN REPLY!! WHEN YOU FIND YOU’VE GOT THE MUSIC! YOU’VE GOT TO LOOK INSIDE AND FIND! THE MUSIC DEEP INSIDE YOU! EACH TIME YOU LOOK INSIDE YOU’LL SEE IT! YOU’RE GONNA FIND THE MUSIC IN YOU!” Her song ended on a beautiful note and the critters all howled in appreciation.
Rita let her mouth hang open as Runt rushed forward knocking her off her perch on his head. “That was DEFINITELY DEFINITELY good! She’s as good as you Rita!”
Rita got up to dust herself off. “Yeah, well, you’re just lucky I can’t sing anything copyrighted in this fanfic,” she grumbled.
---
Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle walked briskly back to their treehouse after a long day of crusading. “Is it just me, or has our job gotten harder since actually getting our cutie marks?” Scootaloo asked.
“There don’t seem to be a lot of ponies that need our help,” Apple Bloom lamented.
“What do you expect when we live in a secluded ruralized town with only one major city close by that more ponies travel to as opposed to visit from,” Sweetie Belle extrapolated. The other two gave her confused looks. “I’ve been doing some research on this. Have to do something with all this free time.”
They began to walk up the ladder to their clubhouse. Apple Bloom stopping at the door. “Well, at least we know there’s one place we can feel at peace in. And that’s right here!” She pushed on the door but it didn’t budge. She tried again but it was locked.
“Did we have a lock?” Scootaloo asked.
Tentatively Apple Bloom knocked on the door. The window to the side opened up and a graying squirrel in a green hat poked her head out. She pulled up a face mask that was around her eyes. “There a reason you’re interrupting my nap?”
The crusaders looked dumbfounded. “Uh, we want you to open the door?” Apple Bloom suggested.
The squirrel tapped its chin and thought for a moment. “Nah.” It slammed the window shut and went back inside.
Scootaloo raised an eyebrow. “Did that squirrel just talk?”
“Ah can’t believe that varmint kicked us out of our own clubhouse!” Apple Bloom stomped her hoof in anger.
“Yeah, what a gip!” Sweetie Belle agreed.
“Seriously, I don’t think squirrels are supposed to talk!” Scootaloo insisted.
A sound came from below and the girls saw another squirrel, this one shorter with brown hair, carrying a large pile of acorns. He was humming softly as he walked but stopped short as he bumped into them at the bottom of the ladder. They quickly surrounded him. “Um, hi ladies,” the younger squirrel greeted hesitantly.
“Why are you squirrels taking over our clubhouse?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“And why can you talk?” Scootaloo reiterated. “I really feel we’re glossing over that fact.”
He set down his nuts and twiddled his fingers with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry about this. My aunt Slappy was just tired from coming all the way her from Burbank. I told her this wasn’t a hotel but she didn’t listen. She never listens to me.”
Apple Bloom’s anger subsided slightly. “Ah get what that’s like. Sometimes mah sister doesn’t pay attention to what Ah say too.”
Sweetie Belle shrugged in agreement. “Rarity’s no better.”
Scootaloo threw up her hooves. “Squirrel! Talking! Is nopony going to address this?”
“Anyway, we’ll be out of your hair soon.” The squirrel gathered up his nuts and began to walk off.
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle shared a look. “Hey, you want to hang out with us in the meantime?”
The squirrel’s eyes widened and he threw the nuts in the air. “Sure!” They all began to walk back through the forest. “My name’s Skippy!”
Scootaloo held out a hoof. “Hi Skippy.” Skippy shook it but then she pulled him in close to whisper. “Seriously, why can you talk?”
---
Mayor Mare walked slowly over to the Ponyville fountain where she’d usually eat her lunch. She smiled pleasantly as she sat on the stone rim and pulled some oats out of her bag. She was about to eat them when three pigeons flew down and cocked their heads at her. She smiled and grabbed another hoofful of oats. “Oh, you want some?” she asked politely.
One of the birds, a shorter stockier pigeon with purple and blue feathers frowned at her. “Do you think I look hungry? What am I some kind of overbloated bird balloon that just screams feed me to every passerby I meet?” He flew up and into her face. “Does that amuse you?”
The mayor let out a scream and dropped her oats before running off. The oats scattered to the floor and the other pigeons, one brown and the other green, waddled over to the pile. “Good work, Pesto,” the green pigeon said.
“Thanks, Bobby,” he replied.
“Yeah, now we have all the oats we could want!” the brown pigeon said.
Pesto raised an eyebrow. “All the oats I could want? And how much is that, Squid?”
Squid shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“No, no, I want to know how much you think I can eat? Do you think I’m fat palooka that always needs something in my beak to chew on?”
“No! No! I’m just saying there’s plenty to go around!”
“So you’re calling me fat!”
“What?!”
“That’s it!” The two began to squabble while the green pigeon laughed and continued to eat.
---
Yakko, Dot, Rarity and Rainbow all walked out of the Boutique and into a scene of disarray and chaos. A skeleton in a blue suit did stupid things and ponies cried in horror as they ran away. Two hippoes tried to squeeze through a small street squishing Lyra and Bonbon against the wall. A dog ran across the street chasing a small blonde girl riding down a cart. They nearly clipped Spike as he stumbled toward the group looking around in confusion. “What the hay is going on!?” he shouted.
Yakko’s face went deadpan. “Don’t do that. Just don’t. I can handle swearing to Lauren Faust but… ugh.”
Pinky and the Brain sat on Rainbow’s back and observed the chaos. “Hmm, I thought we had arrived quite early but I guess not.”
Twilight flew down from above, a short blading man in a fairy outfit next to her shaking her hoof and prattling on about something. “…and I remember it was a Tuesday because that’s usually the day that my Aunt Lucretia’s birthday ends on, or maybe a Wednesday. Either one of those. Anyway…”
Rarity and Rainbow frowned at her as she looked at them. “I see you found a new friend as well?” Rarity asked jokingly.
“All I did was shake his hand to say goodbye!” she shouted in desperation. “But that’s not important. Well, it is because I’m about ready to gnaw my own hoof off, but WHAT IS GOING ON!?”
Suddenly Yakko was beside her and wrapped a friendly arm around her neck. “In due time, Princess Mononoke. Right now we have to find the third member of our little entourage.”
“Princess who?”
---
Wakko and Pinkie stopped at another fork in the road. It was more junk on one side compared to more junk on the other. The twins giggled as they clung to Pinkie’s mane. “Okay, it was fun at first but now its getting a little sad,” she said as she rolled her eyes. “We need to ask for directions.”
Wakko put down the map he carried and frowned. “Psh! Women and needing to ask for directions. This is my bag and I know it like the back of my hand.”
“Haven’t you always worn gloves?”
Wakko blinked. “Psh! Directions.”
A pile of trash by them rustled and they started. “So if you know so much about your bag you’ll know what that is, right?” Pinkie asked tentatively.
Wakko gulped. “Uh sure. Here kitty kitty.” A figure burst out of the trash and they both screamed, one slightly higher and shriller than the other. Pinkie stopped screaming first and let Wakko’s high pitched girlish scream continue until he noticed her staring. “Sorry.”
“Wakko? Is that you?” They turned to the new figure and saw that it was a tall blue skinned man with a shock of black hair and a red suit.
“Freakazoid?” Wakko asked. “What are you doing here? You were never on Animaniacs.”
“Special guest appearance,” He winked to the camera. “Anyway I got a text about the new show!”
He pulled out his phone and showed it to them. There was a simple text from a no name number that just said “NEW SHOW LOOKING FOR CAST! COME TO EQUESTRIA! BTW BYOB!”
Wakko rubbed his chin tentatively. “Something smells fishy here.”
Pinkie held her nose. “I think I know what it is. Why were you hiding in that pile of garbage?”
Freakazoid pulled out a beaten up carton of milk. “I’ve been out of work for a long time. Don’t judge me!” He proceeded to down the last of the carton.
Pinkie’s cheeks inflated and her eyes spun. She turned to puke off screen. “Hey! You can do a gookie too!” Wakko noted. He looked back at Freakazoid and felt his own nausea build. “Yeah, that is pretty gross.” He gookied and ran off screen too.
---
Pinkie wiped her mouth, the twins still seeming perfectly fine on her head. Wakko stood beside her wiping her own mouth. “You have some really weird friends,” she said.
“Tell me about it.”
“Ahem.” They both looked up and noticed Twilight standing next to them. A pile of whatsit by her hooves.
“Whew!” Pinkie wiped her forehead. “Can you imagine how angry she’d be if we puked on her?”
“I think she looks pretty angry right now.”
Pinkie studied her friend. “Hey, yeah. Twilight, what are you doing in Wakko’s sack?”
“What are you talking about? You just ran in from out of nowhere!”
Wakko and Pinkie looked around in confusion. They were back in the streets of Ponyville. Wakko rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Huh, that was an abrupt scene cut.”
Yakko appeared next to him and shrugged. “Guess the animators got tired of drawing all that new footage for you.”
Dot appeared between them. “That or we’re beginning to wrap this clunker up.”
Pinkie spotted a short balding man in a fairy costume shaking Rainbow’s hoof, a look of exasperation and a twitch in her eye. “Uuuuuhhhh, do I wanna know?”
Twilight smiled slightly. “Pip’s just saying goodbye.”
Rainbow glared at her, Pip continuing to shake her hoof and prattle on. “I will pay you back for this.”
Twilight noticed that all the Warner siblings were gathered together. Three creatures, that’s what Discord’s letter said. She pushed past her friends, the chaos around town still playing out as in the distance a small flock of pigeons flew through the sky and smacked against a nearby wall. “You!” she shouted to the Warners. “Just what are you things and why are you here?”
They lined up and presented themselves. “We’re the Warner Brothers!” “And the Warner Sister!”
Twilight’s frown deepened. “Okay. Setting aside that I don’t know what that means. Why did you bring all these others with you?”
“Oh that wasn’t us,” Yakko insisted.
“Yeah, someone else must have invited all these side characters,” Wakko said.
“Fluttershy?” Rarity shouted as the Pegasus zipped past them trailing a gray cat riding a dog.
“Wait kitty!” she shouted after it. “I just want to sing in harmony with you once!”
“Step on it, Runt!” Rita shouted and they zipped out of sight.
In the distance, there was a large explosion and four small figures fell from above landing in a smoking mess before the group. Skippy the squirrel lifted a slightly burned hand and snuffed out a small flame on Apple Bloom’s bow. “Thanks,” she said with a stunned expression.
“Sweetie Belle!” Rarity shouted and ran over to her to help her up. “What in the world happened?”
“Skippy wanted to show us his aunt’s explosive collection.”
“And why did you think that was a good idea?!” Rarity asked.
Apple Bloom shrugged. “We kind of assumed he meant it was explosively interesting.”
Skippy shrugged as well. “It’s not their fault. I should be a little more clear with my words.”
“Aw, nuts to that!” An old gray squirrel walked out from behind a house and stepped on one of the goodfeathers as they tried to stand up. She slapped them with her purse. “Skippy I thought I told you, explosions are always funny.”
“This is not a cartoon!” Rarity said sternly.
“Says the talking pastel horse.”
“ENOUGH!!!!”
Twilight’s eyes went red and she shot a bolt of lightning into the sky. All the movements immediately ceased. “Anypony that does not belong here, line up right now!” In a blur of motion, the Warners and all their side characters lined up. Even Slappy who walked a little slower to her place than the others. “This is everyone?” They all nodded. “Good!”
Her horn began to glow even brighter and she began to lift off the ground. Rainbow, Pinkie and Rarity looked nervously at each other. “Um, Twilight,” Pinkie asked. “What are you doing?”
Her magic released and they all disappeared in a flash of light.
---
The Director and the animators hustled around the floor as they saw the characters suddenly disappear. “Sir!” one shouted. “This isn’t in the script! Off script! Off script!”
The Director punched the hysterical animator in the face and he spun around, a stupid look on his face before falling over.
“It doesn’t matter if they’re off script,” he chuckled. “I know exactly where they’ve gone.” He rose from his seat. “And I’m going to meet them.”
Another animator grabbed his collar. “Sir, you can’t. The cartoon can’t take anymore! It’s already way over the time slot!”
He pushed them away. “I will have my revenge! One way or another!” He laughed evilly as he checked his phone a new number set up to dial. “Bwahahahaha-HOIL!” He ran from the room before anyone could say anything.
“So does this mean we can go home?” a new animator asked. They all looked at each other then shrugged and walked off.
Twilight reappeared in Celestia’s throne room, the white alicorn startled awake as all the new visitors appeared. “Wha- Ha! I wasn’t sleeping!”
Twilight fell to the ground breathing heavily. “Okay, princess. Here’s your annoyances. Just get rid of them already.”
Fluttershy and Applejack stood in the crowd now as well. Applejack with an eyemask on. “What the-? Oh, Ah said Ah didn’t want to be a part of this!”
Fluttershy made eye contact with Rita and smiled broadly. “Oy,” Rita moaned.
“Twilight?” Celestia said questioningly as she stood up. “Just what is-”
“So you’re the big honcho, huh?” Yakko had suddenly appeared behind her sitting in her chair. “Comfy throne.”
Dot pushed aside one of Celestia’s wings and ogled it. “Can I just say that I love what your hair dresser is doing? How do you get it to wave without wind like that?”
Wakko stayed where he was and crossed his arms. “Pfff. I’m more of a Luna fan.”
Celestia went deadpan as the Warners and their companions began to move across the throne room destroying everything they touched. The Warners began to hop around her going “Boingy! Boingy! Boingy!”
“I see you had your hooves full, Twilight,” she muttered.
“You… have no… idea!” Twilight gasped from the nice cool stone floor.
Celestia’s horn shined and she shouted a command. “Silence!” The room quieted and all the cartoon characters ceased moving, caught in her golden magic. Celestia cleared her throat. “Now, we like to be fair here so I’ll let you explain why you’ve come.”
“No need to, your highness,” an evil voice said from off screen. All the ponies turned and saw a tall man in a blue suit enter, an evil look on his face. “You’ve put the Warners and all their detestable friends in the perfect position for me to end them.”
Celestia frowned. “Now see here!” The man pulled out a tv remote and pointed it at her pressing pause. A symbol with two bars appeared next to the princess and she stopped moving.
“Hey! What did you just do?” Pinkie asked.
“I froze her!”
“With a reality altering remote?” Yakko asked as he floated in the golden magic. “Why didn’t you just use that on us if you wanted to keep us still?”
“Or better yet just use it from the beginning!” both Pinkie and Pinky shouted. “Jinx!”
“Quiet!” the Director yelled. “It’s my revenge and I’ll do what I want with it!”
“Not while we have anything to say about it!” Rainbow shouted as all the ponies besides Applejack who still looked completely disinterested in this nonsense. The Director pointed his remote at them too. He pressed pause.
After dragging the ponies and cartoons into cages that mysteriously appeared inside Celestia’s throne room, the Director pressed play. “Dang, should have seen that coming.” Rainbow muttered.
Celestia looked furious. “You’re a fool to think you’ve gotten away with this.” She tried to summon her magic but nothing came. “What?”
“How did you get rid of our magic?” Twilight asked.
The Director waved his remote. “Can’t get light from your horn if I dimmed the brightness.”
“Oh, that is lame,” Skippy mumbled.
“Yeah, you seriously couldn’t come up with any better reason?” Yakko asked.
“I am an evil mastermind!” the Director shouted angrily. “And now I am going to finish you!”
He pulled out his cellphone. “There’s still one last number. And you won’t be laughing or making jokes when I call… THE VIPER!!!”
“The Viper?” Celestia questioned.
He pressed a button and the ping of a message received was made. “It’s too late, Princess! Soon the Viper will come.”
Through the stained glass window of the throne room came a knocking. Everyone turned in shock to see a large serpentine shadow rise from behind it.
“The Viper!” the goodfeathers shouted.
“The Viper!” Skippy and Slappy shouted.
“The Viper!” the Warners shouted.
“The Viper?” the mane six echoed in confusion.
Suddenly the window opened to reveal a lanky man in a janitor-like uniform and hat. “Da. I’m the vindow viper. I vipe the vindows.”
A pause of silence then applause and laughter erupted and the other half of the throne room lifted away to reveal a studio audience. Twilight and the others stared in bafflement as some stage hands came up to unlock Yakko, Wakko and Dot and the other captives. The Warners and their companions smiled and bowed deeply to the crowd that gave a standing ovation. “Thank you! Thank you! That’s our show. Now let’s meet the cast!” Yakko announced.
The Director stepped forward. “Playing the Director, Jane Fonda!” The Director pulled off his face like a mask to reveal an older woman with blonde hair. Another man in a suit stepped forward. “Playing the Hasbro Executive, Michael Keaton!” He too pulled off a life like mask to reveal an aged actor. The Viper was next. “And as the Vindow Viper, ‘Weird Al’ Yankovich!!!” He pulled off his mask to reveal a frazzle of brown hair and a funny looking man.
The Warners and their ensemble stepped forward again and bowed. “I gotta tell you, folks. Brony audiences are the greatest in the world!” They all blew a kiss to the audience. “Good Night Everybody!” The curtains closed on the cheering crowd and the music began to die down.
“What in the name of all that makes sense is going on!?” Twilight shouted effectively silencing the noise.
“It’s over!” Dot yelled in glee. The Warners all grabbed hands and jumped around in a circle.
“We did it! We did it! We did it!”
“Princess?” Twilight turned to Celestia with a pleading look.
Celestia only stared in baffled bewilderment. “I… I think I’m going to take Applejack’s advice and stay out of this.”
“Ah hear that,” Applejack agreed and the two simply walked away.
The Warners finished jumping and Wakko lifted his hat to reveal a small laptop. He plopped it down in front of everyone. “Come on! Let’s read the reviews!”
The Warners and their entourage all gathered around the small computer. “Oh boy, I can’t wait to see what they think of our triumphant return to television!” Dot said excitedly.
All the eyes scanned the words on the screen then frowned. Yakko waved his hand dismissively. “First reviews are always trolls. Let’s just keep reading.”
They continued and everyone’s frown simply deepened. “I don’t get it.” Wakko lamented. “We had all the classic gags.”
“We had all the characters,” Dot said.
“We had the same voice cast even!” Yakko groaned. “So why didn’t they like it?”
“Don’t you see, guys?” Pinkie walked forward drawing everyone’s attention. “You guys weren’t popular because of those things. You guys were popular because you were brave enough to do those things in a kids show. Your show was super popular. It still is. But it was dated. With constant references to stars and movies that were a product of their time. But the reason you’ve had such a following is because you used that datedness as a strength and made it timeless. It’s the kind of amazing balance that we’ll probably never see again. Viewers don’t want to watch beloved characters like you repurposed and played out to attach themselves to the latest trends. They want to know that you’re always there when they need a laugh, just as pristine and unsoiled by network merchandising and whoring as the day you were born. Today’s viewing audience may not get the jokes but the wit and humor still hits. And you’ve inspired countless souls to continue your funny work in other shows.” She wrapped her hooves around the Warners in a hug. “You guys may not think your popular anymore. But do you really need to be? Don’t you think you deserve a little rest and reward for all you’ve accomplished?”
The Warners and their companions were silent, some looking down shamefully and kicking their feet. The ponies simply stared at Pinkie in amazement. “Did you get any of what she just said?” Rainbow whispered to Rarity.
“Not a word.”
Yakko finally smiled defiantly. “You know what, siblings? She’s right! Who needs a comeback?”
“Yeah!” Dot shouted proudly. “Let the younger folks take care of the business. We’re always there when they need help.”
Wakko pulled a little on Pinkie’s mane and then rung his hat in his hands looking down. “Um, Miss Pie. Do you think there will ever be another gookie?”
Pinkie smiled and placed a hoof on his shoulder. “I’ll get started on one right now. And it will blow yours out of the water.” She winked.
Wakko smiled widely. “You’re on!”
The Cake twins giggled happily on her back and Pinkie jumped as she remembered them. “Ah! Pound and Pumpkin! I’ve got to get them back home before Mr. Cake comes back!” She dashed out of the castle in a blur of pink.
The remaining ponies watched Pinkie as she went then slowly turned their gazes on the Warners. “Well, it looks like we’ve got to run,” Yakko said as he saluted and ran off.
“Thanks for having us,” Wakko said as he tipped his hat and followed.
“What they said.” Dot was the last to run. The rest of the entourage blinked then ran after them down the hall as well.
“Get them!” Twilight shouted.
---
“It’s that time again.”
“To show Warner Brothers the error of their ways?”
“To refocus the fanboy hate from Michael Bay to Zack Snyder?”
“No. It’s time for… the Wheel of Morality!” A large roulette wheel rolled over to them. Yakko gave it a slight shove. “Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn.” It stopped and a sheet of paper printed out from beside it. Yakko grabbed it with a flourish. “And the moral of today’s story is… Remember to binge watch Netflix only in moderation.”
“Hey, that actually fits into the story,” Dot mused.
“Yeah!”
“Huh, I guess it does.” Yakko crumpled up the paper and threw it over his shoulder. “Then let’s make our own moral. Never confuse a Brony convention with a Furry convention.”
“Amen!” they both uttered giving a shiver.
They all turned to the camera and waved. “Bye Everybody!”
“Wait!” Twilight shouted from off screen.
“Yipe!” The Warners took off and then the rest of their cast followed after them. Twilight and the others were next jogging quickly behind them, Fluttershy carrying a net.
Epilogue:
Pinkie took her last few steps into the Cake’s shop and collapsed on the floor. The babies immediately crawled off her and over to their toys. “Finally, home again, home again. And none the wiser,” she moaned.
Mr. Cake walked in suddenly and saw her lying there. “Pinkie what are you doing on the floor?”
“Trying to decide if I should ever get up?” Pinkie mused.
Mr. Cake shrugged. “Well, you look a little over worked. Go ahead and take some time off.”
Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yeah, I actually hired somepony today. He can take over you’re shift.” The door bell tingled behind them and Pinkie turned wearily. “Meet Buck Boo. A pony sweets chef from the far east.” She looked up to see a tall chicken in a white robe and fake hooves and tail taped to his chest and butt. A fake long white beard flowed down his chin and twitched as he cocked his head with his blank expressionless eyes at her.
Pinkie raised a hoof to say something but stopped and shrugged. “Ah forget it.”
