> Love Tap of Marendelle
>  by Godslittleprincess
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Nightmares, Dollhouses, and Burning Ships
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Queen Love Tap sat in a private tea room, laughing and chatting the afternoon away with her new daughter-in-law, Princess Sweetie Belle.  Since Sweetie Belle married her son, Prince Button Mash, Queen Love Tap had suggested that the two of them have tea on a weekly basis.  The two mares were family now, and it was only fitting that they get to know one another better.
“I must say, Sweetie Belle, you certainly are charming,” complimented Love Tap.  “My son chose well indeed.”
“Why, thank you, your majesty,” replied Sweetie Belle, “but I don’t think I would have passed the tests if you and Button weren’t looking for the same qualities in a wife for him even if the two of you didn’t know it at the time.”
Love Tap laughed.  She and her son had been at odds with each other ever since he became of age, and the conflict came to a head when the time came for him to choose a wife.  Now, thanks to Sweetie Belle, the two of them were closer than ever.
“By the way, Queen Love Tap,” continued Sweetie Belle.  “I’ve been meaning to ask you.  I know the tests were to see who would be a good queen for Button, but what gave you the idea for them in the first place?”
“Well, I actually based some of the tests from my experiences from before I became queen,” answered Love Tap.  “I still remember the day my father told me that he was going to be passing on the crown to me and my husband.”



A younger Love Tap and Cinnamon Swirl stood in the Marendelle throne room before an earth pony king.  The king was King Lincoln Log, Queen Love Tap’s father.  Of course, she was only Princess Love Tap back in those days.
“You want us to what?” Love Tap gasped in surprise.
“Take the throne, dear,” said King Lincoln Log.  “I understand if you and Cinnamon Swirl have your reservations, but I believe that you are ready, that both of you are ready.”
“I, I don’t know what to say,” replied Love Tap, hesitantly.
“Well, the three of us will have plenty of time to discuss this in the future, but for now, you are dismissed.”
At that, Love Tap and Cinnamon Swirl gave a quick bow and exited the throne room.  The two of them continued to walk down the castle hallways in an uncomfortable silence, before Cinnamon Swirl decided to break it.
“Wow, we’re going to be the next king and queen of Marendelle, huh?” Cinnamon chuckled nervously.  “And to think, we just became parents three months ago.”
Love Tap said nothing, but continued to walk on with a rather worried look on her face.
“Love, are you alright?”
“Oh, yes, I’m…fine,” Love Tap said with a sigh.  “Cinnamon, why don’t you go check on Button Mash?  He must be up from his nap by now and will probably want to play.”
“Oh, okay then.  Umm, are you coming?”
“Maybe later.  Right now, I just need a little time for myself.”
Love Tap gave her husband with an uneasy smile.  Cinnamon Swirl returned it with a concerned glance before leaving to check on their son.
Once Love Tap was sure she was alone, she opened her mouth and began to sing, “Everything seems crazy big/And I'm feeling unsteady/Dad says I'll be just fine/But I don't think I'm ready/New crown, new life, new baby boy/And a ball where they want me to dance/I'm just a young, young mare with a small tiara/In this world I don't stand a chance
“I'm not ready to be a queen yet,” she continued to sing as ran through the halls towards hers and Cinnamon Swirl’s bedroom.  “I don't have what it takes/I’ll trip on my gown/I won’t fit the crown/And I'm gonna make a bajillion mistakes
“I'm too foolish to be a queen yet,” she sang as she burst through the doors of her bedroom. “I respectfully refuse/Barely know the rules/Never cared for jewels/And these hooves were made for comfortable shoes
“Homes bursting with ponies/That I'm afraid to fail,” Love Tap continued as she made her way to the balcony overlooking the town.  “Stallions, mares, and young colts and fillies/I’m about to wail”
At that, Love Tap gritted her teeth, rushed back to the bedroom, and began rummaging through her closet.  Soon, she found what she was looking for, a small travel bag.
“I’m not ready to be a queen yet/One look and that seems clear,” she sang, setting her bag on the bed.  “Cancel my debut/Keep the royal crew/And if I ever pack this bag/I'm outta here”
Then, she stopped, giving the bag a good hard look.  Once she realized what she was doing, Love Tap grunted in frustration, set empty bag on the floor, and gave it a good hard kick, sending it flying underneath the bed.  Just what kind of a princess was she, thinking about running from her duties like this?  She could only imagine the look of utter disappointment etched on her father’s face should he ever find out about this episode.
Love Tap sat in front of her vanity mirror, imagining herself waving at her subjects from the grand balcony after her coronation.
“Queen Love Tap, not a queenly name/Queen Love Tap, even my wave is lame.”
Love Tap lowered her head onto the vanity, burying it underneath her arms.
“I’m not ready to be a queen yet.”



Later that night, as she and her husband slept, Love Tap began to toss and turn, lost in the turbulence of a terrible nightmare.  In her nightmare, her father had just set the crown on her head when suddenly, a page came rushing in through a set of double doors.  Behind him, she could see a pack of wild dogs, ransacking the town.
“Queen Love Tap,” the page called.  “The Diamond Dogs!  They’re looting the town and taking everything.”
Before Love Tap could answer, another page burst through another set of double doors, and behind him were hordes of skeleton ponies carrying torches and weapons destroying a fleet of ships.
“Queen Love Tap,” the new page called.  “Skeleton ponies!  They, they’re burning down the harbor.”
Yet another page burst through yet another set of doors.  Except this time, the page looked rather disheveled, and the doors swung shut before she could see what was behind him.
“Queen Love Tap,” panted the page, “You, you must act quickly.  It’s the zombies.  They’re—”
Then, wave upon wave of zombies exploded through the closed doors, tearing them from the hinges.
“They’re here!” screamed the page, as the zombies made a grab for him, dragging him away as he frantically begged for his life.
All the while, Love Tap sat paralyzed in fear.  She wanted to run and scream, but no matter how much she willed, she could not get herself to move.  Then, Cinnamon Swirl ran in with a look of sheer panic all over his face.
“Love, it’s our son!” cried Cinnamon.  “He, he’s gone!  He’s been kidnapped by pirates.”
Suddenly, her ears were filled with the sound of her son wailing.  She looked all over but could not pinpoint where the sound was coming from.  The horrible, terrifying sound seemed to come from everywhere.  The sound of the pages and her husband calling her name intensified and distorted, blending into a nerve-shattering cacophony of pure unbridled terror.
“Love!  Love!  Love Tap!” called the actual Cinnamon Swirl as he shook his wife awake.
Love Tap woke with a start.  “Cinnamon!  What happened?!  Is it our son?  Has he been kidnapped by pirates?!”
“Kidnapped by—?” Cinnamon Swirl repeated incredulously.  “What?  No!  No.  It’s just that you were kicking me in your sleep, and you also snatched all of the covers that were on my side.”
Love Tap groaned as she flopped back onto her pillow.  “Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry.  I just had the worst nightmare ever, and—.  Ugh!  I must be more worried about taking my father’s place than I realized.”
“Is that why we’re sleeping with one of your travel bags under the bed tonight?”
Love Tap’s eyes widened as she gasped, “You know about that?”
“I actually saw you kick it under.”
Love Tap merely groaned as she smacked herself on the forehead with her hoof.
“Love, if you’re so worried, why don’t you just talk to your father about this?”
Love Tap quickly sat up in shock.  “Are you mad?  I can never let my father know about this.  I don’t want to disappoint him.”
“I understand that, dear, but if anypony knows what you’re going through right now, it’s probably him.  Every king was just a prince once you know.”
Love Tap gave out another groan as she buried her face in her pillow.  “Oh, fine.  I’ll talk to him.  It can’t possibly be worse than having to sleep through another one of those nightmares.”



The next day, as soon as she had a chance, Love Tap went about the castle, looking for her father.  He wasn’t anywhere she usually found him though.  She had already checked the throne room, his bedroom, and the gym.  She asked the servants if any of them had seen him and was directed to a part of the castle that was used as a storage area of sorts.  Now, what could her father be possibly doing here of all places?
“Dad?” Love Tap called.  “Are you here?”
“Over here, Love,” Lincoln Log answered.
Love Tap made her way towards the direction of her father’s call and found him among some old boxes.  He took a look at some of the smaller boxes and placed two of them on a trolley of sorts.
“Dad?  What are you doing here?” asked Love Tap.
“Oh, just looking for some old treasures from my youth,” replied King Lincoln Log, still searching through the boxes.  “I just have one more box to look for, and—ah, here it is.”
The box in question was much bigger than the others, and King Lincoln Log struggled to lift it onto the trolley.  Love Tap helped her father push it onto the trolley, wondering what could possibly be inside of it.
“Thank you, my dear.  That was much appreciated,” said Lincoln Log.
“Umm, Dad, if you don’t mind me asking, what is all this for?” asked Love Tap.
“Well, now that I’m about to retire, I thought I’d revisit an old hobby of mine.  I haven’t really had the time to do it since I took the throne.  Why don’t you give your old father a hoof and help me take these to my chambers?”
In her curiosity, Love Tap helped her father wheel the boxes to his chambers, momentarily forgetting what she had wanted to talk to him about in the first place.  She remembered, however, after the two of them unloaded the boxes from the trolley.
“Um, Dad, remember when you said yesterday about Cinnamon and me taking over the throne soon?” Love Tap asked.
However, King Lincoln Log didn’t seem to hear Love Tap’s question as he was busy trying to jam a crowbar into the lid of the largest box.
“Good gracious, just how tightly did I nail this thing shut?” Lincoln Log grunted, as he struggled to get the lid off the box.
Love Tap groaned and helped her father with the box.  After they popped the lid off, they removed the sides to reveal a wooden replica of the Marendelle castle.  Love Tap couldn’t help but marvel at its craftsponyship.  Other than the unfinished details and unpainted areas, it looked almost exactly like the castle.  Intrigued, Love Tap carefully opened up the miniature palace to find equally detailed models of the castle’s rooms.
“I was planning on giving it to you for your fifth birthday, but I never had time to finish it.  Hopefully, I’ll have it done in time for your coronation,” remarked King Lincoln Log.  “Now, was there something you wanted to talk to me about?”
Love Tap froze, suddenly jolted out of her awe of the model castle.  She knew that she had to talk to her father about her insecurities about becoming queen, but the words were refusing to come out.  So, she said the first thing that came to mind.
“What was it like when you first became king?” blurted out Love Tap.
“Surprising,” replied King Lincoln Log.  “Very surprising.  And unexpected, especially since I almost ran away from home back when I was younger.”
“You what?”  Love Tap’s head and ears snapped up in attention.  There was no way she could have heard her father right.  He was the last pony she would have expected to run from his duty to Marendelle.
“I know.  Hard to believe, isn’t it?  But when I was young, foolish, and maybe a bit crazy, I wanted to run away to learn how to be a toymaker,” chuckled Lincoln Log.
“So why didn’t you?” asked Love Tap.
“Oh, it’s quite a tale actually.  You see, not every father is lucky to have such a selfless, dutiful, and affectionate daughter such as yourself,” the king continued, causing Love Tap to blush in guilt and embarrassment.  “For example, my father ended up with me.”
“And that was a bad thing?”
“Was it a bad thing?” exclaimed King Lincoln Log.  “I was the crown prince of Marendelle and the only heir to the throne, and I wanted nothing to do with either of those things.  The whole situation infuriated my father to no end.  One day, he said to me, ‘Lincoln Log, if you do not start taking your duties seriously, I will deny you the crown and live FOREVER!’”
Love Tap couldn’t help but laugh at her father’s impression of an angry and commanding ruler, especially since King Lincoln Log was nothing of the sort.  He may be stern at times, but most days, he was actually rather kind and understanding.  The utter ridiculousness of his last statement only added to the humor.
“Oh, don’t laugh, darling.  That old stallion meant every word at the time and probably would have done it too if it was possible.”
“So, what did you say to him?”
“I said, ‘Good.  I don’t want it.’”
Love Tap just stared at her father with her mouth hanging agape.  “You’re pulling my hoof.”
“I assure you, Love.  I am not.  I actually did say that.”
“But…” Love Tap paused, trying to find her words.  After all, it’s not every day that you find out that your father used to be a rebel.  “What made you change your mind?  I mean, if you hadn’t, you wouldn’t still be here.”
“Well,” chuckled Lincoln Log, “it’s actually because of this old thing here.”  He pointed at the doll’s castle.  “I was going to finish it and the furniture that went with it, pack it up, and jump on the next ship that left the island, but in my haste to finish it, I had made some of the furniture too big.”
Lincoln Log began unpacking the rest of the boxes, revealing several pieces of intricately carved doll furniture.  “Of course, they’re all the right size now, but I digress.  Anyway, instead of making new furniture to fit the castle, I tried to force them in and ended up yanking out this wall over here.”
The king pointed to a wall in one of the rooms on the first floor.  When Love Tap looked where he was pointing, her eyes widened.  “Dad, isn’t that particular wall load-bearing?”
“You bet it is, and I’ll give you three guesses to figure out what happened next.”
“Everything on top of it collapsed?”
“And quite spectacularly, too.  I was so shocked that I almost cried.”
“Not that I’m not enjoying this story, but how did a collapsed doll’s castle change your mind about your duties?”
“Well, after that disaster, I did what I always did back in the day whenever I needed to get away from my troubles.  I disguised myself, snuck out of the castle, and went for a walk around the town."
King Lincoln Log chuckled as he took out some tools and began finishing the details on castle.  “I don’t know why I did, but I looked back and saw the castle from a distance.  No matter how hard I tried not to, I kept on imagining the castle collapsing on itself.  I looked around and starting imagining the whole kingdom coming to ruin.  Suddenly, it hit me like a load of bricks.”
The king stopped working and looked his daughter in the eye.  “A king or queen supports a kingdom similar to how a load-bearing wall supports everything on top of it.  Without a good ruler on the throne, an entire kingdom could collapse in very much the same way that this miniature once did.  You understand, Love?”
Love Tap rested her head on her hooves, deep in thought.  Then, she looked up, smiled, and said to her father, “I understand, Father, and thanks.  I really needed that.”
At that, Love Tap gave her father a kiss on the cheek and left the room, leaving a pleased yet slightly confused king back to his hobby.



Later that afternoon, Cinnamon Swirl found his wife in the library poring over a gigantic book titled The Complete History of Marendelle.
“What are you doing, Love?” asked Cinnamon Swirl.  “Were you able to talk to your father?”
“I was,” answered Love Tap, “and I think I have an idea on how to deal with my jitters and nightmares.”
“I’m listening.”
“Well, I found out that my father actually thought about abandoning his duties once, at least, until he found out what it meant to be a king.”
“Go on.”
“So, I thought that if I found my own definition of what it meant to be a queen, I’ll know what kind of a queen I want be and how to be a queen that I can actually proud of, and once I know that, I can stop worrying and hopefully stop having nightmares.”
“Does any of that have anything to do with why you’re apparently trying to review the entire history of Marendelle?” Cinnamon Swirl teased, playfully.
“I just thought I’d find some inspiration from history.  Nothing wrong with that.”
“Well, find anything inspiring so far?”
“Yes, actually,” Love flipped the book to a page with an illustration of a burning ship.  “According to this section of the book, Marendelle was founded by ponies who came from the mainland seeking a new life.  As a sign of their commitment to face any hardship that came their way, these early settlers took apart their ships to build shelters with and then burned what was left over.  The ashen remains of these ships are still housed in the royal museum today.”
“And you find a story about burning ships inspiring, how?”
“Cinnamon, what words would you use to describe these first settlers?”
Cinnamon Swirl pursed his lips, trying to find a satisfying answer. “Desperate?  Resourceful?  Thorough?  Borderline insane?  Not that there’s anything wrong with being borderline insane.  I mean, most of the greatest feats in pony history were done by borderline insane ponies.”
Love Tap scowled, resisting the urge to slap her husband on the back of the head.
“Wrong answer?” squeaked out Cinnamon Swirl, sheepishly.
“Actually, I was thinking somewhere along the lines of ‘committed,’ ‘courageous,’ ‘willing to face adversity head on.’”
“Oh, that certainly makes much more sense.  Those words wouldn’t happen to also describe the kind of queen you want to be now, would it?”  Cinnamon Swirl beamed with pride at his wife, his beautiful, intelligent, courageous, and possibly borderline insane wife.
“I don’t want to be the kind of queen that runs from my problems, Cinnamon.  Marendelle and our family deserve so much better than that.  I certainly can’t be the kind of queen that lets a nightmare stop her from being the best queen she can possibly be.”
“And you won’t, and I will be right by your side the whole time.”  The two of them leaned in for a kiss.
At that moment, one of Button Mash’s nursemaids walked into the library, “Your Highnesses—oh!”
Love Tap and Cinnamon Swirl pulled apart in surprise.
“We weren’t doing anything!” exclaimed Cinnamon Swirl, defensively, forgetting that a married stallion can kiss his wife whenever he wants to.
The nursemaid composed herself and said, “I’m sorry to disturb you, but it’s Prince Button Mash.  He’s refusing to take his nap.”
“Why don’t I take care of this?  Besides, I know just how to get him to sleep,” said Love Tap, giving Cinnamon Swirl a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.



“Wow, that sounded incredible,” awed Sweetie Belle when her mother-in-law finished her tale.
“It certainly was,” replied Queen Love Tap.  “You see, when I made those tests, I wanted to make sure whoever ended up marrying Button Mash could be a good queen to him.  I wanted him to have somepony who could help him face his problems no matter how challenging they turned out to be.”
“Does Button know anything about this?” asked Sweetie.
Queen Love Tap paused as if something important had just occurred to her.  “Actually, no.  Button doesn’t know anything about this, and,” she sighed, putting a hoof to her face, “I could have saved the two of us a lot of trouble if I had just told him.”
“Well, things still turned out for the better,” reassured Sweetie Belle.  “Besides, you still have plenty of time to tell him about this before he becomes king.”
Just then, Sweetie Belle let out a giggle.  “You know, it’s amazing how much Button ended up being a lot like your father.”
“How so?”  Queen Love Tap raised an eyebrow quizzically.
“Oh,” Sweetie gasped, “I don’t know if I am supposed to be telling you about this, but you see, well, Button told me that-that, well—”
Sweetie Belle sighed.  “Button told me something in confidence, and I don’t know if I should be telling you, but I’m starting to think that you deserve to know.”
“Would it help if I promise not to become angry?” asked Love Tap.
“It would actually,” nodded Sweetie Belle.
“Alright, on my word as queen, I promise that will not be angry with you or my son because of what you are about to tell me.”
“Alright,” Sweetie took a deep breath and blurted, “Button told me that he started sneaking out of the palace against your wishes a few years ago.”
At first, Queen Love Tap said nothing.  Then, to Sweetie’s surprise, she started laughing hard.  “Oh goodness!  That colt!  He really is my father’s grandson.”
Love Tap continued laughing, and soon, Sweetie joined her.  Unbeknownst to them, a certain prince had been listening through the door and was silently laughing to himself along with them.

> How I Met Your Father
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Button Mash and his brothers-in-law were making their way to the castle gym to practice their sword-fighting, and their wives were coming to cheer them on.
“I bet that Rumble wipes the floor with both your husbands,” bragged Scootaloo.  “I’d do it myself, but you know.”  She pointed at her stomach.  At two months, it was starting to bulge.
“Oh, come on, Scootaloo,” snarked Apple Bloom.  “Don’t you know that making bets you can’t win is bad for your condition.  Besides, Pip’s obviously got the upper hoof here.”
“No, he doesn’t.  Button does,” pointed Sweetie Belle.
“I probably shouldn’t be getting involved, but maybe you ladies should let your husbands and their skills speak for themselves,” said Pip.
“Besides, what’s a bet without stakes?” added Rumble.
Button was about to add his own two bits when he heard something that made him stop.  It was the sound of a stallion’s voice singing accompanied by a stringed instrument of sorts, and although the sound was faint, Button could hear it clearly enough to make out words.
“A long, long time ago, there was a volcano/Living all alone in the middle of the sea/He sat high above his bay watching all the couples play/And wishing that he had someone, too/And from his lava came this song of hope/That he sang out loud every day for years and years,” sang the voice as Button shushed the others and motioned for them to follow him.
“‘I have a dream I hope it will come true/That you're here with me and I'm here with you/I wish that the earth, sea and the sky up above-a/Will send me someone to lava’,” the voice continued as the group made their way towards it.
Button and the others found themselves outside of a room that had the door slightly ajar.  Button motioned for everypony else to keep quiet as they all leaned in to look through the opening.  They saw a room with a piano and a few comfortable-looking chairs, and in two of those chairs sat the king and queen of Marendelle, Button Mash’s parents.  They were sitting closely next to one another, and King Cinnamon Swirl was holding a ukulele.
“Years of singing all alone/Turned his lava into stone until he was on the brink of extinction,” sang Cinnamon Swirl, strumming on the ukulele.
“But, little did he know that living in the sea below/Another volcano was listening to his song,” Love Tap joined in with a playful smile on her face.  “Every day she heard his tune her lava grew and grew/Because, she believed his song was meant for her/Now she was so ready to meet him above the sea/As he sang his song of hope for the last time”
“‘I have a dream I hope it will come true/That you're here with me and I'm here with you/I wish that the earth, sea and the sky up above-a/Will send me someone to lava’”
“Rising from the sea below, stood a lovely volcano/Looking all around but, she could not see him”
“He tried to sing to let her know that she was not there alone/But with no lava his song was all gone/He filled the sea with his tears/And watched his dreams disappear/As she remembered what his song meant to her”
“‘I have a dream I hope it will come true/That you're here with me and I'm here with you/I wish that the earth, sea and the sky up above-a/Will send me someone to lava’”
Much to their unknown audience’s delight, the king and queen sang the rest of the song in unison, “Oh, they were so happy to finally meet above the sea/All together now, their lava grew and grew/No longer are they all alone with aloha/As their new home and when you visit them this is what they sing/‘I have a dream I hope it will come true/That you'll grow old with me/And I'll grow old with you/We thank the earth, sea and the sky we thank too/I lava you/I lava you/I lava you’”
During the last lines of the song, Love Tap wrapped her arm around Cinnamon Swirl’s, and the two of them were leaning in for a kiss when they were suddenly startled apart by the sound of clapping coming from the door.
“Wow, Pop, I didn’t know you could play the uke,” exclaimed Button Mash, opening the door, revealing the group.
“Oh, it’s just a little something that I picked up from my travels in Haywaii,” replied Cinnamon Swirl.
“You’ve been to Haywaii?” gasped Sweetie Belle.
“Oh, is it as beautiful as all the pictures make it look?” asked Apple Bloom.
“Umm, if you don’t mind us asking, what are the two of you doing here anyways?” remarked Scootaloo.
“Well, Cinnamon and I thought that we’d take some much needed time off to rekindle the old romance, and we decided to do it here because it was the room where we first met,” replied Queen Love Tap.
“By the way, how did the two of you meet?” asked Pip.
“Pop ended up staying at the castle for shelter during a storm and proved his worth by bringing Gramps 40 baskets of jewels, right?” said Button Mash.
“Well, it was certainly more detailed than that,” answered Love Tap.



In that same room years ago on a dark and stormy night, Princess Love Tap sat behind the piano while her music teacher Soprano Melody stood nearby.  Her father King Lincoln Log entered the room accompanied by the stallion who would later become King Cinnamon Swirl.
“Love Tap,” King Lincoln Log announced, “this is Lord Cinnamon Swirl the Adventurer of Coltugal or so he claims.  He and his crew will be staying with us until the storm passes.”
Love Tap stood up to greet her father and their visitor and immediately locked eyes with Lord Cinnamon Swirl.  Her heart nearly leapt out of her chest.  Her entire body felt like it had been jolted with electricity.  She couldn’t help but feel rather taken by the handsome stallion standing before her.
“I’m…enchanted to meet you, Lord Cinnamon Swirl,” said Love Tap, curtsying.
“Likewise, princess,” replied Cinnamon Swirl, bowing low.
“Thanks to this storm, the two of us are presently unoccupied,” explained King Lincoln Log.  “If you don’t mind, we are going to be observing your music lesson today.”
“Of course, Father,” replied Love Tap, positioning herself behind the piano.
Love Tap played a few bars of music on the piano.  Then, she began to sing along with the music, “When the warm breeze is a-calling/And the sky is clear and bright/Misty jungles sing and beckon/Lead me out into the light//I will run, I will fly/Chase the wind and touch the sky/I will fly/Chase the wind and touch the sky//Where dark caves hide secrets/And mountains are fierce and bold/Deep oceans hold reflections/Of times lost long ago//I will hear their every story/Take hold of my own dream/Be as strong as the seas are stormy/And proud as an eagle's scream”
The thunder boomed and the lightning cracked, but this did not seem to faze Love Tap as she continued to play and sing.  “I will run, I will fly/Chase the wind and touch the sky/I will fly/Chase the wind and touch the sky//And touch the sky/Chase the wind, chase the wind/Touch the sky”
When she finished, Love Tap stood up and gave a bow.  King Lincoln Log and Lord Cinnamon Swirl applauded her while Soprano Melody merely nodded.
“Still a touch sharp on the high notes, Your Highness, but it’s an improvement nonetheless,” critiqued Ms. Melody.
“If I may be so bold, maybe our guest would like to treat us to a performance himself,” offered Love Tap.
“Now, Love, as the hosts, we wouldn’t want to trouble our guest now, would we?” King Lincoln Log gently scolded.
“Actually, I would be happy to play a little something,” answered Cinnamon Swirl.  “I learned a song from Minostria that would be perfect for a stormy night.  I will just need to fetch my accordion from my room.”



“Hold on a minute,” interrupted Button Mash. “Since when can you play the accordion?”
“And how were you able to travel to Minostria?” added Rumble.  “Isn’t it landlocked?”
Cinnamon Swirl sighed.  “There is a lot that you don’t know about your mother and me, son, and to answer your question, Rumble, Minostria had a coast back then but lost it due to a boundary dispute with Cowatia before you kids were born.  Now, are you going to let us continue our story or not?”
“Why don’t we cut to your performance?” suggested Love Tap, giggling a bit.
“So, what song did you sing for Queen Love Tap and her father?” asked Apple Bloom.
“Was it romantic?” gushed Sweetie Belle.
“Was it romantic?” chuckled King Cinnamon Swirl as he slapped his armrest.  “Of course, it was.”



“High on a hill was a lonely goatherd/Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo,” sang Lord Cinnamon Swirl as he pumped his accordion.  “Loud was the voice of the lonely goatherd/Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo”
The song elicited a few titters from his audience, which was exactly what Cinnamon Roll had wanted.  “Folks in a town that was quite remote heard/Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo/Lusty and clear from the goatherd´s throat heard/Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo//O ho lay dee odl lee o, o ho lay dee odl ay/O ho lay dee odl lee o, lay dee odl lee o lay”
Lincoln Log and Love Tap’s titters grew into giggles and snickers despite their best efforts, and Cinnamon Swirl continued to carry on singing his amusing song.  “A prince on the bridge of a castle moat heard/Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo/Mules on a road with a load to tote heard/Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo//Bulls in the midst of a table d´hote heard/Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo/Calves drinking shakes with the foam afloat heard/Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo”
At that point, a crash of thunder rang through the sky, but the king and the princess barely even noticed it in the midst of their laughter.  Love Tap could see why such a song would be popular during thunderstorms.
“One little girl in a pale pink coat heard,” sang Cinnamon Swirl, giving a charming smirk in Princess Love Tap’s direction.  “Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo/She yodeled back to the lonely goatherd/Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo//Soon her Mama with a gleaming gloat heard/Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo/What a duet for a girl and goatherd/Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo//Happy are they lay dee olay dee lee o/ O lay dee o lay dee ay ee oo/Soon the duet will become a trio/Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo”
The king’s laughter had grown into hearty chuckles, and even the normally stoic music teacher was laughing.  “Nailed it,” thought Cinnamon Roll as he sang the final chorus.  “Odl lay ee, odl lay ee/Odl lay hee hee, odl lay ee/Odl lay odl lay, odl lay odl lee, odl lay odl lee/Odl lay odl lay odl lay//Hoo!”
Once their laughter had died down, King Lincoln Log and Princess Love Tap applauded their guest’s performance while Ms. Melody composed herself with a few loud coughs.
“Bravo!” cheered the king.  Even though Lincoln Log still didn’t believe that the stallion was who he said he was, he had to admit that the fellow was quite likable.
“That was so much fun!” exclaimed Love Tap.  “But I wonder.  What is a lord from Coltugal doing in places like Minostria and Marendelle?”
“Ponies don’t call me Cinnamon Swirl the Adventurer for nothing, Your Highness,” Cinnamon Swirl cheekily replied.
“Have you been to other places?”
“Of course, and I’ve learned songs from quite a few of them too if your majesties would like to hear more.”
“Could you teach me some of them?” asked Love Tap, a little too eagerly.
King Lincoln Log paused, feeling threatened.  He knew better than to be so paranoid, but he couldn’t help but sense that his daughter may be attracted to this stallion that neither of them even knew.
“Love Tap, darling, Lord Cinnamon Swirl is only staying until the storm passes,” chided King Lincoln Log, protectively.  “We really shouldn’t be troubling him like this.”
“Oh, it’s no trouble at all, Your Majesty,” assured Cinnamon Swirl.  “I’d love to teach the princess a few songs if my stay permits me.”
“Well, it’s getting late, and I believe that we all should be heading to bed,” said King Lincoln Log, abruptly as he got up.
“Of course, it is.  I still need to check on the rest of my crew and see how they’re settling in.”
As the three of them made their way out of the room, Lord Cinnamon Swirl and Princess Love Tap managed to steal a glance or two when the king and Ms. Melody weren’t looking.
“Do not let the two of them out of your sight tomorrow,” Lincoln Log whispered urgently to Ms. Melody before heading to his chambers.
“I hope to see you again, princess,” said Cinnamon Swirl before he and Love Tap parted ways for the night.
“And I you,” replied Love Tap.



The next morning, Cinnamon Swirl and his three closest shipmates were in the castle gym practicing their sword-fighting.  Opposite of him stood the captain of his ship and his best friend since childhood Scarlet Plume while his two other friends, Tail Wind and Dogfish, faced each other nearby.  Cinnamon lunged at Scarlet who easily countered him and struck him on the chest.
“You’re in a daze, my lord,” she laughed.  “I can’t remember the last time that I’ve beaten you this easily.”
“It’s Princess Love Tap,” sighed Cinnamon Swirl.  “I think might have stayed up half the night thinking about her.”
“You’ve met other mares before,” pointed Tail Wind.  “What’s so different about this one?”
“I don’t know, but hopefully, I’ll get to stay long enough to find out,” answered Cinnamon Swirl.  “Maybe I’ll run into her before our music lesson today.”
“Well, I’ve personally had enough fencing for today,” humphed Scarlet, putting away her sword.  “There’s no point if your own opponent’s too lovestruck to put up a proper challenge.  If any of you gentlemen need me, I’ll be in the library.”



“Wait.  Wait,” interrupted Button.  “Scarlet Plume?  Wasn’t that my old fencing teacher and Featherweight’s mom?”
“Yes, it is,” groaned King Cinnamon Swirl, “and before you ask, yes, my other two friends were Snips and Snail’s fathers.  Now, where was I?”
“Why don’t we skip to the part where you and Scarlett run into me at the library, dear?” said Queen Love Tap.
“Ahh, yes, the part where you get jealous that I’m friends with a mare.”
“I was not jealous,” Love Tap stammered, turning red.  “Anyway, I was in the library reading when…”



In the library, Princess Love Tap sat by the window where she could see the storm raging on outside.  She had her nose buried in a book while several more, mostly histories and adventure stories, were stacked around her.  She turned her head to the sound of the library door opening.
“Lord Cinnamon!” she greeted cheerfully.  Her smile soon faded when she saw that he was with a mare.  The mare was a pegasus with a sand-colored coat and a long, wavy, red mane.  On her head, she wore a black, flat-topped hat with a single long, red feather.  “And who is this?”
“Princess Love Tap, this is my friend Captain Scarlet Plume,” Cinnamon introduced.  “And Scarlet, this is Princess Love Tap.”
“Your majesty,” greeted Scarlet, bowing low.
“Pleasure,” replied Love Tap, uneasily.  “I don’t mean to pry, but is she just your friend or…?”
“No!” cried Cinnamon and Scarlet simultaneously.
“I can assure you that the two of us are just friends,” blabbed Scarlett, blushing slightly.
“Oh, well, what brings you to the library?” inquired Love Tap as she returned to her reading.
“We got bored,” spat Scarlet, giving Cinnamon Swirl a rather irritated glare.  Cinnamon could only shrug defensively in reply.
“So, what are you doing in the library, princess?” asked Cinnamon Swirl before he mentally slapped himself for asking such a ridiculous question.
“Well, most ponies call it reading,” answered the princess, “I call it looking through my little windows to the outside world.”
“You seem to be a fan of adventure stories,” remarked Scarlet Plume, scanning through Love Tap’s stacks of books.  “Have you ever been to any of the places you’ve read about?”
“No, unfortunately,” sighed Love Tap.  “I’ve actually never even left the castle grounds.”
“Why not?” asked Cinnamon Swirl.
“Well, my father doesn’t let me, simple as that.”
“It never occurred to you to sneak away?” asked Scarlet.
“Oh, I could never do that,” cried Love Tap.  “My poor father would just die of worry.  You see, I’m the only family he has left.  Without me, he’d be all alone in the world, and I could never make him suffer like that.”
“Well, your father’s very lucky to have you,” assured Cinnamon Swirl.  Suddenly, he had an idea.  “Your highness, if you’re so fond of adventure stories, maybe you would like to hear some of ours.”
“Oh, I’d love to, and please just call me Love Tap or Love for short.”
“Well, only if you stop using my title as well.”



The storm continued for days, giving the two young lovers ample time to get to know one another.  However, like all good things, the storm could not last forever, and one day, it was starting to calm.  On this day, King Lincoln Log decided to give his daughter and guest some unpleasant news.
“Love Tap, I have just received a letter from Prince Beau Monde of Northerfroze accepting our invitation,” announced King Lincoln Log.
“Invitation?  For what?” exclaimed Love Tap.
“The suitors, dear.  I told you about them last week.  You haven’t forgotten, have you?” The king raised an eyebrow.
“Oh.  That,” groaned Love Tap, suddenly remembering her father’s announcement from last week.
“You also haven’t forgotten your promise to give each suitor a chance?”
“Of course not,” Love Tap half-mumbled.
“Good.  The prince should be arriving as soon as the storm has calmed, and from what I’ve heard, that should be in two days.”
As soon as the king left the room, Cinnamon Swirl turned to Love Tap and asked, “You’re promised?”
“No,” answered Love Tap with a sigh.  “Not yet anyway.  My father’s giving me time to choose somepony I actually like before that happens.  Thank goodness.”
“Were you ever going to tell me about this?”
“Quite honestly, with everything that’s been happening I had forgotten about the suitors, and I was hoping that my father had too.  Wishful thinking.”
“And I guess, since your father was only letting me stay until the storm passed, he’s probably going to want me to leave in about two days also.”
“Probably.”  Love Tap turned away so that Cinnamon Swirl wouldn’t be able to see that she was about to cry, but the hitch in her voice gave her away.  Soon, she found herself crying into Cinnamon’s chest wrapped in his arms.



“Aww, that sounds so sad,” cried Sweetie Belle, feeling like crying herself.
“Hmm, Northerfroze, Northerfroze, now why does that place sound familiar?” asked Apple Bloom.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that where Cousin Blueblood is from?” pointed Scootaloo.
“Oh, yeah.  Wait.  You don’t think Blueblood is related to this Prince Beau Monde, do you?”
“If they are, that means his family has been nothing but a bunch of no-good power-grabbing jerks for generations!”
“Maybe Prince Beau Monde wasn’t anything like Blueblood,” suggested Sweetie Belle.
“Well, unless we let the king and queen finish the story, we’ll never get to find out,” groaned Rumble.



Two days later, Cinnamon Swirl and his friends were out in the town gathering provisions for their departure.  The progress of their mission was slow thanks to a certain lovesick regent.
“Cinnamon, will you quit bemoaning the fact we have to leave and focus on helping us get these supplies?” grumbled Scarlet Plume.  “At the rate we’re going, we’ll never leave Marendelle.”
“Aww, lighten up,” quipped Dogfish.
“Yeah, we don’t have to leave right away,” agreed Tail Wind.
“Me?  Lighten up?” scoffed Scarlet.  “If you blockheads can find me a stallion that can get me to lighten up, I’ll marry him, but since I’ve determined to stay single forever, you will all ultimately fail.”
In the midst of her tirade, she was not watching where she was going and bumped into somepony.  That pony was an earth pony stallion with a slight build, a white coat, and a dark brown mane.
“Apologies, miss,” said the stallion.
“Oh no.  That was my fault, Mr….uh,” replied Scarlet.
“Punch, Ms…uh.”
“Scarlet Plume.  What’s your business here?”
“I’m answering an advertisement for a court jester.  Do you know how I can get to the castle?”
“Yes, we just came from there.  Lord Cinnamon Swirl, why don’t you show this stallion the way since you’re currently preoccupied?”
“Might as well,” Cinnamon mumbled.  “Please follow me, Mr. Punch.”
Scarlet could only roll her eyes as she watched her dejected friend slink towards the castle, escorting the nice stallion.



Meanwhile at the castle, a page announced the arrival of Prince Beau Monde.  Prince Beau Monde was a muscular unicorn with a silver coat and gold mane.  On his face was a smirk that showed off his dazzling white teeth.  Love Tap wanted more than anything to avoid meeting this stallion, but a promise was a promise.
“Princess Love Tap, you certainly are lovely, and I must say, your little kingdom is quite charming,” greeted the prince.
“Well, I certainly hope that your highness won’t find our ‘little kingdom’ too confining,” taunted Love Tap.
Lincoln Log didn’t know whether to smile or glare at his daughter.  On one hand, the prince’s comment sounded like a veiled insult to the kingdom.  On the other hand, as the hosts, he and his daughter had to be polite and accommodating.  As a king, he shouldn’t be encouraging his daughter’s rudeness, but as a father, he couldn’t help but feel proud.
“Love, why don’t you and our guest spend some time together at the beach?  I know how much you like going there,” suggested King Lincoln Log.
King Lincoln Log was right.  Love Tap loved the beach almost as much as she loved adventure stories.  The sound of the surf lapping against the shore was like music and the salty air smelled like freedom.  She loved looking for little treasures in the sand and the squish of wet sand under her hooves.  Just being at the beach made her forget how stressed she was feeling, or at least, it would have if she wasn’t in the company of a certain prince.
“Augh!  All this sand,” whined Prince Beau Monde.  “It feels scratchy and gets everywhere.  When I’m king, beaches will be the first thing to go.  I’ll have then all paved over with cobblestone.”
“Please, please let me punch this stallion,” Love Tap thought to herself as she growled beneath her breath.
“Perhaps his royal highness would prefer a visit to the royal museum,” offered Love Tap, forcing a smile that made her jaw hurt.
“I suppose a trip to the museum would suffice, after I get my hooves washed and polished, of course,” replied Prince Beau Monde.



“I cannot spend another minute with this stallion,” Love Tap thought after she and Prince Beau Monde returned from the museum.  They had only spent ten minutes at the place, and he spent the whole time either ignoring the exhibits or trying to get her attention away from them.
“Why would you want to fill your head with useless information about old relics when you should be paying attention to more important things like me?” he had said.  Those old relics held stories about her kingdom’s past, and he didn’t even care.
“There has to be a way I can get him to leave,” thought Love Tap desperately.  Then, she had an idea.
“Prince Beau Monde, are you fond of dancing?” Love Tap insinuated slyly.
“Fond of it?” bragged Beau Monde.  “You are looking at the best dancer in Northerfroze if not all of Equestria.”
“Perhaps you would like to dance with me.  As you know, on the night of my coronation, the kingdom is to have a ball, and I could use the practice.”
The two of them made their way to the ballroom and assumed the position for a waltz.
“Dancing is a language that is felt instead of heard-ow!,” the prince cried as he felt somepony’s hoof step on his own.
“Sorry,” Love Tap fake-apologized.  “Please continue.”
“You can whisper, sing or shout without so much as a word-ow!”
“Sorry.”
“Just let your emotions tell your body what to do-ow!”
“Sorry.”
“See how much a single gesture can reveal-ow!”
“Sorry.”
“And ev'ry little step-ow!/Ev'ry single step-ow!/ Is one step closer/To saying what you feel-ow!”
“Sorry three times over.”
“Once the music hits you, inhibitions fall away-yow!”  That last step was more akin to a thinly veiled stomp, but Prince Beau Monde did not seem to notice.  “And you find that you're expressing things/Your voice daren't say-yow!”
“Pardon me.”
“Don't be afraid, let go-oooh!”
“Oops.”
“Soon as you surrender, what's inside will sweep on through-ouch!/As the boundaries between us disappear-eek!”
“Apologies.”
“And ev'ry little step-gah!/Ev'ry single step-youch!/Is one step closer/To talking loud and clear-eee!”
“A thousand pardons.”
“A dance is like a conversation-ahh!/Except you never need to make a sound-ouch!”
“So very sorry.”
“And once you've begun/You speak as one/Give and ache, I mean take/Back and forth-ooh!/Round and round”
At that point, Prince Beau Monde decided the spin her, which was exactly what Love Tap was hoping and dreading he would do.  Like the last five hundred or so times she has attempted to dance, Love Tap lost her balance and slammed right into her partner.  Unlike those other times, she purposefully stuck her elbow out and jabbed Prince Beau Monde right in the ribs.
“Enough!  Enough!” cried the prince.  “I think I’ve had enough dancing for one day.”
“Oh, but you must continue on helping me practice if I’m going to be ready for my coronation ball.  After all, 525th time’s the charm,” Love Tap fake-pleaded.
“Five hundred twenty-?!” Beau Monde sputtered.  “No, I am not going to take another minute of this madness.”
At that, the prince stomped out of the room and ordered the servants to pack his things.



Fifteen minutes later, Love Tap was in the library reading yet another one of her adventure stories when she was suddenly confronted by her father.
“Love, you wouldn’t happen to know why Prince Beau Monde suddenly had to leave, would you?  And with ice packs on his hooves no less,” King Lincoln Log inquired with a disapproving look on his face.
“I only asked him to dance with me.  It was hardly my fault.  You know how utterly terrible I am at it,” Love Tap retorted, putting on the most innocent face she could muster.
The lines of sheer parental disapproval on King Lincoln Log’s face deepened, testing Love Tap’s resolve.  Ever since her childhood, nothing in all of Equestria could make Love Tap cave like her father’s disapproving look.
“Oh, all right!” Love Tap cried. “Some of those missteps were on purpose, but I really couldn’t spend another minute with him, let alone a whole day.”
“Love Tap, you promised me that you would give these suitors a chance,” Lincoln Log practically shouted.
“Well, you promised that I wouldn’t have to marry anypony I didn’t like,” replied Love Tap.  “I gave him a chance, and I didn’t like him.  Besides, he was horribly rude the whole time I was with him.”
“Is that the ONLY reason that you wanted him gone?” Lincoln Log insinuated.  “Don’t think I didn’t notice how attached you were getting to Lord Cinnamon Swirl.”
Love Tap cast her eyes downward, refusing to meet her father’s.
“Darling, perhaps it’s best that you let him go,” reasoned King Lincoln Log.  “After all, you’ve only known him for a few days.”
“Yet you prefer a stallion that I’ve only known for less than an hour over him,” countered Love Tap.
“A prince.  Love, I know this is hard to talk about, but I’m not going to be here forever you know.  I need to make sure that you and the kingdom are taken care of and that you have a husband that can provide for yours and the kingdom’s needs.”
“And that automatically makes Cinnamon unqualified?”
“How many ships can Cinnamon Swirl bring to our harbor?  How will he make sure that our populace doesn’t go hungry?  You remember that famine and the outbreak that followed from back when you were only a girl.”
“Dad, would you prefer that I marry a stallion who could provide for our kingdom’s needs but won’t or a stallion with little to offer except a willingness to do what’s necessary to make sure our kingdom’s needs are met?”
Lincoln Log paused.  His daughter had made an excellent point.  Although wealthy, Prince Beau Monde was far too self-centered to be an ideal match for his daughter, and who is to say that the other suitors won’t be the same.  However, is Lord Cinnamon Swirl really as honorable a stallion as his daughter says he is or is her affection for the stallion clouding her normally good judgement?
“You are certain that Lord Cinnamon Swirl fits the latter description?” questioned Lincoln Log.
“Absolutely,” Love Tap nodded.
“Then, I suppose you won’t mind if I put your faith in him to the test.”
“What are you planning on doing?”
“What I just told you I’d do, but I need you to promise me that if he fails, you will let him go and choose somepony else.”
“He won’t fail,” Love Tap resolved.
“But if he does?”
“What? You don’t trust my judgement?” questioned Love Tap.
“I do, but what kind of fool do you think your father is that he would trust his greatest treasure with somepony he doesn’t even know?”
“Gee, if I wasn’t so irritated, I’d be flattered.”
“Just promise that you would move on from Lord Cinnamon if he fails, please.”
Love Tap scowled.  She hated suddenly being on the spot, but what choice did she have?  Then, she had an idea.  “Fine.  I promise,” Love Tap conceded, “but you are going to have to test each and every one of my suitors.”
“Consider it done,” agreed Lincoln Log.  “You know, in all the years I’ve been your father, this is the most rebellious that you have been towards me.  I don’t like it.”
“Well, then for both our sakes, you better hope that Cinnamon passes whatever test you have in mind for him.”



“Then, Dad brought back the 40 baskets of jewels and married you, right?” interrupted Button Mash.
“Don’t give away the ending,” protested Rumble.
“Well, they obviously got married.  What was there to give away?” pointed Scootaloo.
“Yes, I brought your grandfather 40 baskets of jewels and passed the test and in less than 30 days, too,” bragged King Cinnamon Swirl.
“Wait.  You never told me you had a time limit,” replied Button Mash.
“Well, he did,” said Love Tap.  “I’m not going to lie.  I was a bit worried that he wasn’t going to pass.  The task seemed so impossible at the time.”



“This is impossible!” Scarlet Plume screamed, throwing her hooves in the air.  “How does the king expect you to bring back 40 baskets of jewels in 30 days?”
She was in the royal library with Cinnamon Swirl, Tail Wind, and Dogfish.  The three stallions were frantically pulling books off the library shelves and scouring them for any information that could help them pass the test.
“Which is why our best bet is to see if there’s a way to find enough jewels without having to leave the island,” replied Cinnamon Swirl.  “Find anything yet?”
“Nothing, me lord,” called Dogfish.
“If you ask me, this is a lot of work for just one mare,” griped Scarlet.
“Well, she’s worth it,” affirmed Cinnamon, matter-of-factly.
“Wouldn’t it be easier just to get her to run away with you?”
“And repay the king’s hospitality by leaving his kingdom without its only heir and dooming him to spend the rest of his life in loneliness and grief?  Just what kind of a heartless jerk do you think I am, Scarlet?”
“Or here’s an idea.  We could just leave Marendelle, and you could move on with another mare.”
“I can’t do that either, and it’s not just because she’s the only mare I could possibly love.  She’d end up marrying somepony else, and her father’s going to have to live with the guilt that he gave away his greatest treasure to a stallion who doesn’t deserve her.”
“And you do?” Scarlett scoffed.
“Well, no,” Cinnamon stammered, “but at least, I’m willing to try to.  Trust me, Scarlet.  Passing this test is going to be what’s best for everypony.”
“What’s your deal, cap?” said Tail Wind.  “You’re acting crabbier than usual, and that’s saying something.”
“Maybe she’s just jealous that she’s lost Lord Cinnamon’s affections to another mare,” joked Dogfish.
“You are going to regret saying that,” deadpanned Cinnamon Swirl.
Before Dogfish knew it, he was slammed on top of the table pinned down by an irate Scarlet.  Her face was inches from his, and her eyes burned with an anger that bordered murderous.
“Let’s make something perfectly clear, DF,” Scarlet’s voice dripped like poisoned honey.  “I never have had and never will have those kinds of feelings for Cinnamon Swirl, and if any of you blockheads so much as suggest otherwise again, I’m going to slug you.”
“It was a joke,” whined Dogfish, piteously.
“Really?  Jokes are supposed to be funny.”  Scarlet unpinned Dogfish, only to face a rather annoyed Cinnamon Swirl.
“Guys, we’re kind of on a deadline here.  We need to focus,” emphasized Cinnamon.  “Look, Scarlet, something’s clearly bothering you.  You might as well tell us now before you hurt somepony.”
“Fine,” Scarlet conceded.  “I am actually jealous but not for the reasons you think.”
“Okay, so why are you jealous?”
“I’m jealous that you’re settling down, and I’m not,” Scarlet reluctantly admitted.
“What?”  Cinnamon was surprised.  “I thought you wanted to stay single forever.  You know, so you can keep on adventuring.”
“I did, but if you settle down, I won’t have anypony to share the adventure with.  Then, I look at how happy you and the princess make each other, and I think that maybe there’s more to life than chasing the next great adventure.”
“Well, you’re right about that last bit.”  Cinnamon Swirl smiled, thinking about the mare who had suddenly made his life and his heart so full.  “But if it’s company you need, you still have DF and Tail Wind for that.”
“Ha!” sneered Scarlet.  “I’ve been watching these two blockheads make goo-goo eyes at two of the maids since we got here.  If by some miracle you pass this test, they’ll be settling down the first chance they get.”
“She's not wrong,” agreed Dogfish.
“Hey, I found something,” cried Tail Wind, lugging an enormous book titled The Complete History of Marendelle.
“How are we supposed to read all that?” exclaimed DF.
“Just flip to the index and see if there’s anything about jewels,” Scarlet gruffly ordered.
Cinnamon Swirl took the book from Tail Wind, set it on the table, and flipped the pages as Scarlet directed.
“Hey, check this out,” called Cinnamon.  “There’s a place on the rockier side of the island called Princess Bejeweled’s Mines.”
“What’s it say?” inquired Dogfish.
“It says, “Legend claims that Princess Bejeweled, the sole heir of King Saltpeter, was given the mines by the Diamond Dogs as a sign of their loyalty to the crown.  Marendelle’s economy has depended on these mines for generations.  However, as shipbuilding and trade became steadier forms of income for the ponies of Marendelle, the mines were slowly abandoned in favor of the new industries,’” read Cinnamon Swirl.  He paused.  Then, his eyes lit up, and his lips curved into a smirk.  “Who wants to bet that those old mines might still have some jewels in them?”
“Do we have any information about the location?” asked Scarlet, suddenly curious.
“Just that they’re on the rockier side of the island.”
“You mean the side of the island that doesn’t have a harbor?  The side of the island that has so many rocks that it’s impossible for a ship to land there safely?  The side of the island that’s every sailor’s worst nightmare?  That rockier side of the island?”
“We’ll just get the ship as close as we possibly can, anchor, and then go the rest of the way by rowboat.”
“Good plan, except for a few other details.  One, they’re mines, so you’re probably going to have to go spelunking or something, and the only ponies in our crew with any experience with caves are you, Lead Weight, and Geode.  Two, even if we’re careful, there’s a good chance we could end up crashing our boats on the rocks.  Three, we’ll need time here to gather supplies for spelunking and possible unexpected patch-up jobs.  And finally, that’s MY SHIP we’re going to be using, bub!”
“Then, we better get started.”  Cinnamon eagerly stood up and headed towards the door.  “I’ll notify the rest of the crew, and you, DF, and Tail Wind can get the supplies.”
“What part of ‘that’s my ship’ did you not understand?” Scarlet shouted, causing Cinnamon to stop.  “My ship’s the closest thing I’ve got to a baby, and I’m not going to be putting my baby at risk like that.”
“Come on, Scarlet,” begged Cinnamon, making his eyes as wide as possible.  “I’m asking you as a friend.”
“Oh,” Scarlet groaned, futilely shielding her face with her hoof.  “With the face and the eyes.  Ugh!  Alright!  But if anything happens to my ship, I’m having your head for a trophy.”



Three days later, Cinnamon Swirl was in his room getting ready to leave.  His crew had finally stocked up on supplies to their captain’s satisfaction, and they were all about to head out to the harbor.
There was a knock on the door.  When Cinnamon opened it, he was quite surprised and pleased to see Princess Love Tap standing on the other side.
“I thought I’d come and say goodbye to you.  May I come in?” asked Love Tap.
“Of course, of course,” acquiesced Cinnamon.  “Why don’t we hang out in the balcony?”
The two of them went out into the balcony.  For a while, neither said anything, and both refused to meet their companion’s eyes.  Love Tap stared out into the horizon admiring the scene before her.
“Beautiful day, isn’t it?” Love Tap broke the silence.
“I’ll say,” replied Cinnamon Swirl, staring at her profile.
“I know I said that I came here to say goodbye, but I really don’t want to.  A part of me is afraid that it’ll be for the last time.”
“It won’t be,” assured Cinnamon.  He began to whistle a tune that Love Tap recognized as the proposal song that he learned from the griffon island of Perch.  She smiled as he began to sing.  “I'll swim and sail on savage seas/With never a fear of drowning/And gladly ride the waves of life/If you would marry me/No scorching sun nor freezing cold/Will stop me on my journey/If you will promise me your heart/And love…”
“And love me for eternity,” Love Tap sang in reply.  “My dearest one, my darling dear/Your mighty words astound me/But I've no need for mighty deeds/When I feel your arms around me”
Love Tap glided away from Cinnamon Swirl, smirking flirtatiously.  Cinnamon sang as he gave chase, “But I would bring you rings of gold/I'd even sing you poetry/And I would keep you from all harm/If you would stay beside me”
“I have no use for rings of gold/I care not for your ‘poetry’/I only want your hoof to hold”
“I only want you near me”
“To love and kiss to sweetly hold,” they sang in unison as Cinnamon Swirl wrapped his arms around Love Tap.  “For the dancing and the dreaming/Through all life's sorrows/And delights/I'll keep your love inside me/I'll swim and sail on savage seas/With never a fear of drowning/And gladly ride the waves of life/If you would marry me/If you would marry me.”
Love Tap impulsively pressed her lips onto his.  Cinnamon Swirl gently tightened his hold on her, enjoying the feeling of having her so close to him.  He wished he could relive this moment ten thousand times over.
“CINNAMON!” a shrill voice snapped the two lovers out of their reverie.
“Horseapples, Scarlet!” cried Cinnamon Swirl.  “Haven’t you heard of knocking?”
“Wow!” Scarlet exclaimed.  “Now you’re going to have to pass this test.”
“Did you just come here to make wisecracks at me?”
“No, I came to tell you that we’ve got to go, now,” Scarlet emphasized, “but if you’re not interested, we could always leave without you."
Cinnamon groaned in annoyance.  Then, he gave Love Tap a quick peck on the lips and grabbed his things.
“I’ll come back for you.  I promise,” he resolved as he dashed out the door.



Love Tap waited day after day for her beloved’s return.  She grew more and more anxious with each day.  She ached for him so much that she felt like she was SLOWLY dying.  However, on the 27th day since the test was issued, a ship came into Marendelle’s harbor, and behind the wheel was a certain red-maned captain talking with a very excited Coltugese adventurer.
“Haha!” crowed Cinnamon Swirl.  “I can’t believe we actually did it!”
“I can’t believe that the Marendellians just abandoned that place without checking if it was empty,” deadpanned Scarlet Plume.
“Well, in their defense, they probably didn’t know that particular mine existed,” explained Cinnamon.  “It didn’t look like anypony’s been there before.  At least now, the king knows where to look if he needs emergency funds.”
Scarlet docked the ship at the harbor, and Cinnamon and the rest of the crew got to work unloading the jewels.  On the way to the palace, they were stopped by a beggar dressed in a ragged cloak.  The beggar wore dark glasses, had a crutch under one arm, and held a tin cup in his other hoof.  Inside the cup was no less than five bits.
“Spare a bit for somepony who is blind, sir?” implored the beggar.



“Wait!” cried Queen Love Tap, interrupting the story.  “You met a beggar on your way to the castle?”
“Yeah.  Why?” asked Cinnamon.
“Uh, I’ll, I’ll tell you later.  Carry on.”



Cinnamon Swirl took a hoofful of bits from his pouch and placed in the bits in the beggar’s cup.  “Here you go, sir.”
“Much appreciated,” thanked the beggar as he slowly hobbled away.  Then, to the beggar’s surprise, Cinnamon called for him to stop.
“Hey, Scarlet,” called Cinnamon, turning to his friend.  “Why don’t you keep the nice stallion company and be his eyes for him?  You know, make sure the other ponies don’t take advantage of his blindness.  Oh, and give him the rest of my lunch.”
Cinnamon took off his lunch pack and gave it to Scarlet, who went after the blind stallion.  “I’ll meet up with you later.”
“You’d better,” Scarlet called back.
Cinnamon and his crew entered the castle and made their way to the throne room.  Halfway there, Cinnamon found himself doused with an entire pot of tepid tea and an entire cart of tea cakes.
“Oh, a thousand apologies, Lord Cinnamon Swirl,” apologized two maids, bowing repeatedly in penitence.
“That’s alright, no harm done.  Although, I should probably get cleaned up before I have an audience with the king,” chuckled Cinnamon.  “You know what?  This is quite a mess.  Why don’t I help you pick it up?”
“Uh, better let us take care of it, me lord,” volunteered Dogfish, a little too eagerly.
“Yeah, you just get yourself cleaned up,” added Tail Wind.  “You’ve got a king to see and a princess to impress.”
“Okay then,” Cinnamon conceded, snickering knowingly.  He ducked into the nearest bathroom and changed his clothes.  Once he had refreshed himself, he once again made his way to the throne room and knocked on the large doors.
A page answered, “The king is currently having an audience with his ponies, sir.”
“Tell the king that Lord Cinnamon Swirl has returned and would like to see him immediately,” Cinnamon Swirl replied.
The page closed the door.  Cinnamon could hear his hoofsteps fading behind it.  Moments later, the page opened the door and allowed Cinnamon Swirl inside.
Cinnamon and his crew bowed low and presented the 40 baskets to the king.  “As you have requested, Your Majesty,” said Cinnamon Swirl.
The king’s eyes widened in surprise, and his lips were pressed together as if deep in thought.  For a while, he said nothing but nodded several times in approval.  However, just when he was about to say something, Punch, the jester, came running into the room.  Scarlet Plume walked in after him.
“Your Highness,” Punch called.  “I must have a word with you.”
Punch ran up to the king’s side and began to whisper something into his ear.  Meanwhile, Scarlet took her place with the rest of the crew.
“What happened to the beggar?” whispered Cinnamon Swirl.  “I thought I told you to stay with him.”
“He, he finished begging,” Scarlet stammered, “so he didn’t need me anymore, and I came here.”
The king’s eyes widened when he heard what Punch told him.  He got up from his throne and walked toward Cinnamon Swirl.  Cinnamon and his crew bowed in respect, unsure what to expect.  King Lincoln Log’s face betrayed no emotion as he studied Cinnamon Swirl.
“Lord Cinnamon Swirl,” Lincoln Log finally said sternly, but then, he smiled.  “It would give me great pleasure to shake your hoof.”
Cinnamon straightened up, not believing what he had just heard.  In front of him, King Lincoln Log  stood with his hoof extended.  Cinnamon Swirl took it and shook it heartily.
“Fetch my daughter immediately,” Lincoln Log commanded the nearest page.  “I have an announcement to make.”
When Love Tap was brought to the throne room, King Lincoln Log stood up to address his ponies.  “I, King Lincoln Log of Marendelle, with the present company as witnesses, declare that on this day, Lord Cinnamon Swirl of Coltugal has earned not only my daughter Princess Love Tap’s hoof in marriage but also my favor, blessing, and respect.  May their coming union bring them and our kingdom great happiness for as long as they both shall live.”
As soon as the king finished the proclamation, Love Tap raced into Cinnamon Swirl’s arms.  Cinnamon picked Love Tap up and twirled her around as everypony in the room cheered.  Nopony cheered louder than Cinnamon Swirl’s three closest friends.



“A few months later, the two of us married,” King Cinnamon Swirl finished the story, “and as Scarlet predicted, DF and Tail Wind started courting the maids as soon as the two of us got engaged.  To everypony’s surprise, even Scarlet fell in love and eventually married.”
“About that,” added Queen Love Tap.  “That beggar you were nice to on that day was actually Punch in disguise.”
“What?!” exclaimed Cinnamon Swirl.
“And the maids dumped food on you on purpose.  My father had asked them to do the same thing to each and every one of my suitors.”
“You mean, all that stuff that King Cinnamon Swirl did on the way to the throne room were tests?” Sweetie Belle gasped in surprise.
“And Cinnamon was the only that passed them both, and with flying colors, too,” Love Tap beamed.
“Gee, how rude and selfish can some royals get?” muttered Rumble.
“I was wondering how Scarlet and Punch got so chummy so quickly!” Cinnamon Swirl cried.
“Really, Pop?” Button Mash deadpanned.  “That’s what blows your mind about that revelation?”
> Coronation Day
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	The day that Queen Love Tap and her family had been preparing for was finally approaching.  In a few days, her son Prince Button Mash would take the throne and become king of Marendelle, and his wife Princess Sweetie Belle will be crowned queen by his side.  The ceremony will be taking place in the throne room, and the whole kingdom along with some requested guests will be attending.  Naturally, Love Tap wanted everything to go perfectly.
“Okay, let’s go over the whole ceremony again from the top,” said Love Tap.
“Ugh, Mom,” groaned Button Mash.  “We’ve been over the ceremony forwards and backwards a hundred times.  We know what to do and what to expect.  Gee, you’d think this was your own coronation.”
Button’s last statement elicited a hearty laugh out of Cinnamon Swirl.
“Son, your mother’s only fussing like this because of what happened at her own coronation,” Cinnamon continued to laugh.
“Why?” asked Sweetie Belle.  “Did it turn out horribly?”
“Well, no,” admitted Love Tap, “but we did have a few hitches.”
“She was so on edge that she threw me out of bed that morning,” chuckled Cinnamon.  “That was the first time that she did that.”
“I did NOT throw you out of bed,” huffed Love Tap, defensively.  “There was no THROWING involved.”
“So, what exactly happened on the morning of yours and Mom’s coronation?” asked Button, curiously.



“Okay, let me just go over what’s going to happen tomorrow one more time,” said Princess Love Tap on the night before her coronation as she lay awake in bed.
“Love, please,” begged Prince Cinnamon Swirl.  “If we don’t get some sleep, we’ll be too tired to wake up tomorrow.”
“I know.  I know, but I’m just too excited and maybe a little nervous.  I don’t know how I can possibly sleep tonight.”



The next morning, the couple was fast asleep with Prince Cinnamon snoring loudly.
“Umm, Your Majesties?” called a page through the door.
“What?” Cinnamon yawned, still half-asleep.  His wife stirred drowsily next to him.
“I’m sorry to wake you.”
“No, you didn’t wake us,” replied Love Tap groggily before nodding off again.  “Who is it?”
“It’s still me.  I’m just reminding the two of you that you need to get ready.”
“Ready for what?” Cinnamon yawned again.
“Your Majesties’ coronation.”
Love Tap’s eyes suddenly flew open as she jolted upright.
“It’s coronation day?!” she screamed.  “Cinnamon, wake up!”
She gave her husband a good hard shove, which sent him hurtling towards the floor.
“Oof!” Cinnamon grunted when he landed.  “Sweetheart, what the hay was that for?!”
Love Tap didn’t answer, for she had already jumped out of bed and was running out the door.  Unbeknownst to her, her mane had matted into a massive knot as she slept last night.
“Oh, of all days to be late!” she cried as she kept running.
The page poked his head into the bedroom.  His eyes widened in shock and slight embarrassment at the sight of his king-to-be sprawled on the floor, tangled in his bedcovers.
“Remind me again why she needs at least three hours to get ready for the coronation,” Cinnamon grumbled at the page.



Meanwhile, at another part of the castle, Aloe and her sister Lotus Blossom were waiting for the princess in the ceremonial bathroom.  In the next room over, Photo Finish and her assistants, Pixel Pizzazz and Violet Blur, were waiting in the ceremonial dressing room.
“What is taking the princess so long?!” screamed Photo Finish.  “She is late.”
“Now, now,” said Lotus Blossom.  “A queen is never late.  We are simply early.”
“I’m here!” announced Love Tap as she rushed into the wing.  “I’m so sorry that I’m late.”
“Clearly the princess doesn’t share your philosophy,” Aloe giggled to her sister.
The two spa sisters frowned when they saw Love Tap’s mane, which looked more similar to a badly built birds’ nest than a mane.
“This is what you give me to work with?” sang Lotus Blossom, poking Love Tap’s mane.  “Well, honey, I've seen worse/We're gonna turn this sow's ear”
The spa sisters helped Love Tap disrobe and led her into a large tub.  They tend proceeded to dump buckets of water onto her mane and head.
“Into a silk purse,” finished Aloe, as she began to lather shampoo into Love Tap’s mane while her sister scrubbed Love Tap’s coat.  “We'll have you washed and dried/Primped and polished till you glow with pride”
“Just the thing to show the queen inside,” continued Lotus Blossom.
“You’ll bring honor to us all,” sang the spa sisters.
“Sweet Faust above, this water is cold!” Love Tap thought to herself as she shivered.  “Of course, it would have been warm if I had been on time.”



“Wait and see/When we're through,” sang Lotus Blossom as she and her sister brushed and styled Love Tap’s mane, sometimes pulling on it rather painfully.
“Kings will gladly end all wars with you,” added Aloe.
“With good fortune”
“And a great mane-do”
“You’ll bring honor to us all,” the sisters sang as they held up a mirror for Love Tap.  Love Tap cringed once she got a good look at her mane.
“I look like a moose,” she groaned to herself with dread and resignation.  She wanted to ask the spa sisters to redo her mane, but assembling another mane-do would simply take too long.
Love Tap sighed but gave Aloe and Lotus a nod signaling her approval.  Then, she got up and made her way to the next room where Photo Finish would be waiting for her.  Just outside the palace gates, the ponies of Marendelle finished decorating the town in celebration and were waiting eagerly for the gates to open.  Love Tap could hear their songs of anticipation coming in through the open windows of the palace.
“An heir can bring her family/Great honor in one way,” sang all the mares in the kingdom as the coaxed their foals into their best clothes.
“By starting a good rule,” answered the stallions as they shined their families’ best horseshoes.
“And this will be the day,” sang all of Marendelle.



“Kings and queens need good taste,” sang Photo Finish as she tossed aside dress after dress in dissatisfaction.
“Calm,” added Pixel Pizzazz, holding up a heavily layered, lime green gown before casting it aside in disgust.
“And regal,” Violet Blur chimed in, lifting up a simple yet elegant maroon kirtle with gold accents and rhinestones in suggestion.
“Who work fast-paced,” continued Photo Finish, giving Violet Blur a nod in approval.
“With good breeding,” Pixel Pizzazz trilled as she helped Love Tap into the dress.
“Everything in place,” added Violet Blur as she tugged the sash tightly around her waist.
“Too tight!” Love Tap cried, gasping for air.  Photo Finish scowled and glared at the unfortunate assistant for her incompetence.  Violet Blur merely blushed in embarrassment and readjusted the sash.
“You’ll bring honor to us all,” sang all three dress ponies as they made their final adjustments to the dress.
As Love Tap waited for her attendants to finish their work, she nervously listened to the thunderous sound of palace servants busily preparing for the coronation.
“We all must serve our king and queen/Who keep us safe from harm,” sang the servants.
“The knights by bearing arms,” sang the knights as they stood at attention, giving the ground several hefty taps with their spears.
“The maids by cleaning up,” added the maids, finishing up any last-minute dusting and polishing.



Love Tap sat herself in front of a large fully stocked vanity inside the dressing room.  Aloe, Lotus, Pixel, and Violet were hard at work, mixing different powders and colors together and applying them skillfully onto their queen-to-be’s face.
They sang in a round as they worked, “When we're through, you can't fail/Like a lotus blossom soft and pale/Why would any pony need a veil/You'll bring honor to us all.”
One by one, the attendants left the room, leaving Love Tap to examine herself in the mirror.  She had to admit that despite the antlers sprouting out of her head, the attendants all did an excellent job helping her get ready.
“Hey,” a familiar voice called to her from the door.
Love Tap turned and saw her husband, looking particularly handsome in a navy and gold uniform.  Love Tap blushed and smiled.  “You look amazing,” she complimented.
“Well, you look beautiful,” Cinnamon returned, causing his wife to blush harder.
“The antlers are a little much though,” Love Tap giggled.
“Just a little.”
“You know, we have a good 15 minutes before the coronation starts.  There’s something I want to do before we head down to the throne room.”



Love Tap and Cinnamon Swirl walked down a hallway lined with portraits of Marendelle’s past rulers.  Love Tap gave each one a quick glance, paying each ancestor her respects.  All the while, she silently prayed that her and Cinnamon’s rule would be a happy and memorable one.
“Ancestors/Hear my plea,” she sang as she passed the portraits.  “Help me not to make a fool of me/And to not uproot my fam'ly tree/Keep my father standing tall”
She stopped at the last portrait in the hallway, the one depicting her parents before her.  Both of them held their heads high and carried themselves with the regal composure expected of their station.  King Lincoln Log, however, had just the barest hint of a smirk playing on his face.  The space next to it was empty.  It was where she and Cinnamon will hang their portrait once it was finished.
“Love,” called Cinnamon Swirl, pulling her away from her thoughts.  “It’s time.  Are you ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” Love Tap resigned herself, forcing herself away from her parents’ portrait.
Moments later, the couple stood outside the throne room, waiting for the doors to open.
“Scarier than the undertaker,” Love Tap whispered under her breath, “We’re about to be crowned rulers.”
The doors swung open, and Cinnamon Swirl gave her hoof a reassuring squeeze before the two of them walked towards the two thrones where King Lincoln Log and his head advisor were waiting for them.
“Destiny/Guard my girl,” King Lincoln Log breathed, struggling to compose himself at the sight of his daughter.  To him, he had been holding her in his hooves just yesterday; now, she stood before him a grown mare.  “And her future as it fast unfurls/Please look kindly on my precious pearl/She’s more perfect than a doll.”
Love Tap and Cinnamon Swirl finally reached the thrones, turned to face the ponies of Marendelle, and sat down.  Next to Love Tap’s throne stood a pedestal holding her mother’s—the late Queen Bright Star’s—crown, scepter, and robe.
“Please bring honor to us,” whispered King Lincoln Log as he removed his crown to place on Cinnamon Swirl’s head.
“Please bring honor to us,” whispered Cinnamon Swirl as his father-in-law placed the crown on his head, the scepter in his hoof, and the robe on his back.
“Please bring honor to us,” whispered the advisor as he presented Love Tap with the queen’s regalia.
“Please bring honor to us,” whispered Love Tap, accepting each piece of regalia accordingly.
“Please bring honor to us all,” sang all of Marendelle in one voice as their newly crowned rulers rose and stood before them.
“Presenting Queen Love Tap and King Cinnamon Swirl,” announced a page with a loud voice, “the king and queen of Marendelle.”



“Wow,” gasped Sweetie Belle.  “I’m not going to lie.  That sounds really hectic.”
“It really took you three hours to get ready?” Button Mash asked his parents incredulously.
“No, it took your mother three hours to get ready,” replied Cinnamon Swirl matter-of-factly.  “I got ready in half that time.”
Love Tap merely rolled her eyes.  “Well, now that I think about it, the whole situation probably could have been avoided if the two of us had just gotten enough rest the night before.”
“Good to know,” said Button mischievously.  “Now if you excuse us, Sweetie and I need to get our pre-coronation beauty rest.”
Button Mash took his wife by the hoof, and the pair of them dashed out of the throne room before Love Tap could say another word.  Love Tap sighed and shook her head, a smile forming on her lips.

> Just One Dance
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“Where is it?  Where is it?” muttered Love Tap as she frantically searched the castle’s storage area.
“Remind me what we’re looking for again,” inquired Cinnamon Swirl with confusion.
“My father’s dolls’ castle,” Love Tap answered, stomping a hoof in frustration.  “It’s the perfect gift for Snow Pea, and we’ve got to find it before the ball.”
“Well, it’s got to be here somewhere.  Are you sure this was where you left it?  I mean, we haven’t seen the thing since –” Cinnamon stopped himself from voicing the rather painful thought.
“Since we gave up on the possibility of ever having a daughter to pass it down to,” he thought to himself before continuing his statement.  “Since Button was 13.”
“Of course, I’m sure.  Ugh,” Love Tap groaned.  “That miniature castle’s been waiting for decades to be owned and played with, and now that we’ve found it the perfect owner, it’s practically disappeared.”
“Hey, I think I found it.”  Cinnamon Swirl pulled a large box towards himself and his wife before prying open the lid.  Inside, sat a beautifully crafted replica of the Marendelle castle.
“Finally!” Love Tap sighed in relief.  Then, her gaze travelled towards a bookshelf that the box had been concealing.
In the middle of the bookshelf sat a small, intricately carved wooden box.  Love Tap gingerly picked up the box and opened it.  In the middle of the box stood a wooden figurine of a stallion dancing with a filly.  The stallion wore a crown on his head while the filly, oddly enough, was wearing a pair of roller skates on her back hooves.  From the inside of the box, Love Tap pulled out a thin chain necklace attached to a star-shaped key.
Love Tap gasped in recognition and inserted the key into a notch on the back of the box.  She turned the key a few times, and a sweet tune began to play.
“Lavender's blue/Dilly dilly/Lavenders green//When I am king/Dilly dilly/You shall be queen,” Love Tap sang along to the tune.
“I’m guessing this used to be yours,” Cinnamon Swirl speculated with a smirk.
“It was the gift my parents gave me for my ball,” replied Love Tap.
“They were planning on giving me, well, that,” she continued, gesturing at the dolls’ castle, “but it still wasn’t finished at the time.”



Years earlier, in the Marendelle castle’s ballroom, a 5-year-old Princess Love Tap was in the middle of a dance lesson with the world-renowned dance teacher Maestro Box Step.  As heir to the Marendelle throne, she was going to have a ball in her honor in two weeks, so learning to dance was important.  Considering that Maestro Box Step was the 15th instructor that her mother had hired, Love Tap should have been paying more attention to what he was saying, but she couldn’t help but find her parents’ whispered conversation more interesting.
“Please tell me you’ve finally finished it,” Queen Bright Star implored her husband.
“I’d love to, but that would be lying,” King Lincoln Log replied.
“You’ve been working on that thing since before we were married.  What’s taking you so long?  It’s bad enough we missed out on giving it to her for her birthday.”
“For what it’s worth, I’ve been trying to get it done, but between running the kingdom and raising a daughter, I just haven’t been able to make as much progress as I would like.”
“I’m going to have to get her a back-up gift again, am I?”
“I’m sure Love Tap will be happy with whatever gift we give her, so there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Princess,” Maestro Box Step called, snapping Love Tap’s attention back to him.
“Yes?” Love Tap cried, blushing slightly from embarrassment.
“Do you remember how to execute the steps I have been telling you about?” the maestro asked, sternly.
“Umm, I think so.”
“Then, perhaps a demonstration is in order.”  The maestro signaled for the page pony to begin playing the gramophone.  Waltz music filled the room, and the maestro led Love Tap into the starting position.
Love Tap gulped nervously as she tried to remember and execute the steps as Maestro Box Step had shown her, but no matter how hard she tried, she somehow ended up stepping on the poor stallion’s hooves.  The maestro finally gave up when she slammed into him in the middle of a turn.
“Enough is enough!” shouted Box Step, throwing his hooves in the air.
“I have taught countless ponies how to dance,” he ranted, facing the king and queen, “but I’m sorry, your majesties.  Your daughter is practically unteachable.”
With a huff, the frustrated dance teacher marched out the ballroom through the large double doors, slamming them hard on the way out.  A stunned silence followed.  It was broken by the sound of the king’s hearty laughter.
“I fail to see what’s so funny about this,” snapped Queen Bright Star, glaring at her husband.  “Love Tap’s ball is in two weeks, and we can’t have her stepping on other ponies’ hooves when that happens.”
King Lincoln Log composed himself, especially after seeing the sad, disappointed look that his daughter was making.
“Oh, I’m sorry, my dears,” apologized Lincoln Log before going over to his daughter and stooping down so that he was at eye-level with her.  “I wasn’t laughing at you, Love.  I just couldn’t believe that you managed to somehow chase away 15 dance instructors, and Maestro Box Step came so well-recommended, too.”  The king snickered at his last statement.
“What am I going to do now?” Love Tap whimpered despondently.  “If I don’t learn to dance in time for my ball, everypony will make fun of me.”
“No pony will make fun of you, dear,” assured Bright Star, also getting down to Love Tap’s level.
“Yes, they will.  Besides, what kind of a princess doesn’t know how to dance?”
“Now, who says princesses have to know how to dance?” scoffed Lincoln Log.
“Isn’t everypony going to expect me to know how?”
“It certainly would ease first impressions,” responded Bright Star before she caught herself, “but it’s not the most important part of being a princess.”
“I just wish I can have one dance, just one dance, where I don’t step on somepony’s hooves.”
Upon hearing his daughter’s wish, King Lincoln Log’s ears perked up; he had an idea.
“Darling, do you still have those skates you received for your birthday?” Lincoln Log asked.
“Yes,” answered Love Tap.  “Why?”
“Put them on but just on your back hooves.”
Bright Star and Love Tap stared at him quizzically before sharing a look with each other.  Love Tap simply just shrugged and ran to do as she was told.
Love Tap returned carrying two roller skates in her mouth, which she promptly put on her back hooves.  Her father took her by her front hooves and pulled her out onto the dance floor.
“I’ll lead,” he stated with a smirk and a twinkle in his eye.  “Music, please, my queen.”
Queen Bright Star smiled at the happy scene in front of her and began to sing, “Lavender's blue/Dilly dilly/Lavenders green//When I am king/Dilly dilly/You shall be queen //Who told you so/Dilly dilly/Who told you so?//T'was my own heart/Dilly dilly/That told me so”
As the queen sang, King Lincoln Log and his daughter glided and twirled around the ballroom.  The king even spun his little dance partner around a few times.
“Lavender's green/Dilly dilly/Lavender's blue//If you love me/Dilly dilly/I will love you//Let the birds sing/Dilly dilly/Let the lambs play//We shall be safe/Dilly dilly/Out of harm’s way,” Bright Star finished as Lincoln Log picked Love Tap up into a hug.
“We love you very much, darling,” King Lincoln Log whispered into Love Tap’s ear as Bright Star joined them in the hug.
“I love you more,” replied Love Tap, booping her father on the nose.
“We love you most,” said Bright Star, giving her daughter a kiss on the forehead.



“And that was the last major happy memory I had with my parents,” Love Tap said to her husband.  “About a month after my ball, a hurricane destroyed a good chunk of our ships and harbors, which messed up our trade and plunged the kingdom into a famine.  Thanks to my parents’ efforts, no pony starved to death, but ponies were so malnourished that we lost ponies to an outbreak of the pony flu, including—”
Love Tap’s voice broke as she recalled the unhappy memory, tears welling up in her eyes.
“Your mother?” Cinnamon Swirl tentatively finished.
His wife nodded sadly as she wiped away her tears.  Cinnamon wrapped an arm around her and placed her head on his shoulder.
Love Tap went back to examining her music box and said, “You know, LB might get jealous of all the gifts that her sister will be getting.  We should get her something, too.”
“Like the something currently in your hooves?” Cinnamon said with a knowing smile.
“I think that will be just perfect.”
> History Lessons
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“I cannot believe that we somehow planned a good will visit from Stirram on the same week we planned a visit from my parents,” Button Mash groaned as he and Sweetie Belle got dressed.  “Are you sure it isn’t too late to change either of the dates?”
“Last I heard, King Filthy Rich and his family are already on their way and will be here any minute now,” answered Sweetie Belle, trying to choose between two pairs of earrings.  “Besides, your parents are already here.”
Button sighed, straightening his jacket.  Then, he rubbed chin in thought.
“Sweetie, last time you and your sisters saw Diamond Tiara, did she mention anything about having an older brother or sister?” Button asked.
“No, I don’t think so,” replied Sweetie, brushing her mane a few times.  “Why?”
“I just realized something,” Button continued, slicking down his mane before adjusting his crown on top of it.  “If she was in line for her own throne, why was she so set on competing for my hoof and becoming queen of Marendelle?”
Sweetie Belle paused mid-brush.  The thought had never occurred to her before, but her husband was right.  If all Diamond Tiara had wanted was to become a queen, why was she so desperate to become one through marriage when she would already eventually become one through her birthright?
“Maybe I could ask her as soon as the two of us have a moment alone,” she suggested.  “I’m sure she’d be happy to give us some answers now that we’re friends.”
There was a knock on the door.
“Button,” a VERY familiar voice called.  “The page just announced King Rich and his family’s arrival.  We need to be in the throne room in a few minutes.”
“We’ll be right there, Mom,” Button called back, rolling his eyes.  “Just promise me that you won’t start fixing my mane or my clothes when I come out of the room.”
“Of course not, dear.  That’s your wife’s job now,” Love Tap cheekily replied.
Sweetie giggled while Button simply groaned.



The entire Marendelle royal family assembled in the throne room waiting for the Stirram royal family to enter.  The air was abuzz with excitement and maybe some tension.  The children were curious as to who these ponies were and why the grown-ups were so worried about meeting them.  The adults, however, were all too aware of their rather rough history with the Stirram royals, particularly King Rich’s daughter, Princess Diamond Tiara.
“Announcing King Filthy Rich and the royal family of Stirram,” called the page.
“Please just King Rich.  I insist,” said a regally dressed brown Earth pony stallion with a black mane.  On his right stood an also well-dressed Earth pony mare with a dark pink coat and a dark fuschia mane.  On his left stood Princess Diamond Tiara herself.
Love Tap immediately locked eyes with the older mare and turned very, very pale.
“YOU?!” Love Tap cried loudly and rather inelegantly.  All eyes in the room turned to her before turning towards the direction she was staring.
“You and my wife know each other, your majesty?” King Rich nervously asked.
“Oh, I happen to be VERY familiar with Spoiled Milk, your highness,” replied Love Tap just barely composing herself.
“It’s QUEEN Spoiled RICH now, Princess Love Tap, or is it QUEEN MOTHER Love Tap now?” answered the queen.  “My, my, look how OLD you’ve become.”
Love Tap’s face flushed red with thinly concealed anger while everypony else in the room cringed uncomfortably.
“Wait a minute,” said Diamond Tiara, eyes widening in realization before she pointed a hoof accusingly at her mother.  “This wouldn’t have anything to do with why you had me compete for Button Mash’s hoof, wouldn’t it?”
“It would have been your kingdom if SOMEPONY,” Queen Spoiled continued, glaring at Love Tap, “had just handed over her birthright.  I was simply encouraging you get what was yours.”
“That makes no sense at all,” Rumble whispered to Scootaloo who nodded in agreement.
“Wait, Mom, were you and Queen Spoiled sisters?” Button inquired in shock.
“No, but we almost were,” Love replied.
“If SOMEPONY hadn’t been so possessive of her father,” Spoiled added venomously.
“Your mother only wanted to marry him to get you my birthright,” Love Tap spat back.
“Yes, she did, and I deserved to have it.  Besides, I would have been the older one if our parents had married.”
“Wait, you’re older than the Queen Mother, and you’ve got the gall to call HER old?” Apple Bloom scoffed incredulously.
“Unlike Love Tap, I was actually able to age well,” Spoiled Rich glared at Apple Bloom, vainly tossing her mane.
“That’s because she wears a butt-load of makeup,” Little Button muttered a little too audibly.  Snow Pea clamped a hoof over her younger sister’s mouth as Spoiled Rich turned her glare towards LB.
“We’re tired.  Please have your servants show us to our chambers,” Spoiled spat.
Button Mash nodded and called for the servants to escort the Stirram royals out of the room, leaving the Marendelle royals standing silently in the throne room.
“How could I have been so stupid?!” Love Tap cried, putting both of her front hooves to her face.  The rest of the family stared at her in confusion.  “I knew there was something eerily familiar about that girl.”
“Mom, what are you talking about?” Button asked worriedly.
“The tests,” Love Tap replied.  “I got suspicious of Diamond Tiara the moment that she told me that being a queen was about holding power in her hooves.  It sounded so much like something Spoiled would have said.  Ugh!  Why didn’t I disqualify her the moment those words came out of her mouth?”
“Because it wouldn’t have been fair to her or the other princesses?” Cinnamon suggested, attempting to comfort his wife.  This attempt earned him a few pointed glares from her.  “Look, what went on between you and Spoiled Rich anyway?”
“When I was twelve, my father came home from a diplomatic visit in Stirram,” Love Tap began.  “Little did I know that my life was about to change.”



“Father, you’re home,” Princess Love Tap cried, rushing to hug the recently arrived King Lincoln Log.
“Hello, my dear,” the king replied, returning the hug.  “Come, let’s go to the tea room.  Then, you can tell me all about what I missed while I was away.”
When the pair of them had made themselves comfortable in the tea room, Love Tap began to tell her father about everything that had happened during his absence.
“So, Professor Record Book is letting me do a research project as part of the unit on the reigns of King Saltpeter and Queen Bejeweled,” Love Tap chattered excitedly.
“Oh, my, what kind of a research project?” Lincoln Log replied, listening intently.
“I’m doing an oral report on the history of fireworks for the Marendelle Historical Society at the museum,” Love Tap continued.  “As a bonus, I’m also getting extra credit in elocution.”
“My, that is wonderful news,” King Lincoln Log chuckled.  Then, he stopped laughing, his face becoming serious and expressionless.  “Love, how familiar are you with the history of King Saltpeter and Queen Bejeweled?”
“Umm, more than I should be,” Love Tap bashfully admitted.  “I know I’m not supposed to be reading ahead, but I do it anyways.”
“Oh, I know you do,” the king cracked a smile before returning to his earlier expression.  “I suppose that you already know who Queen Brooksong is, correct?”
“Queen Brooksong is King Saltpeter’s second wife and Queen Bejeweled’s stepmother,” Love Tap recited clearly and confidently.  “Before she became queen, Brooksong was Bejeweled’s governess, but eventually, King Saltpeter fell in love with Brooksong and married her.  She was unable to have children of her own, but she loved and raised Bejeweled like her own daughter.”
“Good, very good,” Lincoln Log praised.  Once again, his face became serious.
“Love,” he sighed.  “I didn’t ask you about Queen Brooksong’s role in our history just to test your knowledge.  I actually have something important to tell you.”
“Oh,” Love Tap replied, raising an eyebrow.
“While I was in Stirram, I, well, met somepony.”
“You’re thinking about getting remarried?” Love Tap gasped in surprise, not shock or terror, just surprise.
“Now, Love, don’t think that I’m trying to replace your mother.  What she and I had,” the king paused, staring into space, recalling his happy yet relatively brief marriage with the late Queen Bright Star, “it was special.  Nothing could replace that.”
Lincoln Log shook himself out of his reverie, took both his daughter’s front hooves into his, and continued, “The fact is you’re not a little filly anymore, and someday, you’ll be a grown mare.  It would be nice for you to have somepony around who can help guide you into marehood.  I’m sure Duchess Cultured Milk will make a wonderful mother, err, mother-like figure.”
For a while, Love Tap didn’t say anything.  The idea of getting a stepmother never occurred to her.  She had just assumed that her family would just be her and her father for the rest of their lives.  Besides, everypony knows that stepmothers were evil.  Then again, Queen Bejeweled had a kind and loving stepmother.  Maybe she would too.
“Oh, I almost forgot,” Lincoln Log added.  “The duchess has a daughter of her own who is about two years older than you, so you’ll be gaining a sister.  Didn’t you used to want a sister?”
“Not since I was five,” Love Tap answered with uncertainty, “but if you think getting remarried really is what’s best for our family, I guess I can give it a chance.  Besides, it might be fun to have a sister.”
“Alright then.  I’ll let the duchess know right away.”



A week had passed since that fateful conversation, and Love Tap was with her father at the harbor, waiting to meet her stepmother-to-be.  Duchess Cultured and her daughter were coming to Marendelle to give the two families time to get to know each other before the wedding, which was in two weeks.  Coincidentally, today was also the day that she was giving her oral report, and her father was going to invite the duchess and his daughter to come with him as his guests.
“Do you think the duchess likes history as much as I do?” Love Tap asked, fidgeting nervously.
“Even if she doesn’t, I’m sure she’ll like getting to know you,” replied King Lincoln Log, giving his daughter a few reassuring pats on the head.  “Look, there’s the boat from Stirram.”
Love Tap looked to where her father was pointing and saw ship coming into the harbor.  The ship docked in the harbor, and an exquisitely dressed mare and an equally well-dressed teenager got off the boat.  The mare wore a gold and diamond necklace and had her mane in an elaborate pompadour while the teen wore her mane in a simple high ponytail.  Love Tap assumed that they were Duchess Cultured Milk and her daughter.
“Duchess Cultured, welcome to Marendelle,” greeted the king.  “This is my daughter, Love Tap.”
“Pleased to meet you,” Love Tap added with a curtsy.
“And this is Spoiled Milk, I presume,” the king continued, turning to the teen filly.
Spoiled Milk gave a curt nod.  For a while, neither Spoiled Milk nor her mother said anything.  Then, the duchess turned to King Lincoln Log, giving a rather forced-looking smile.
“Your Majesty, you never told me that your daughter was so beautiful,” Cultured Milk flattered.
“Yes, well, she takes after her—,” the king suddenly paused, realizing his insensitivity.
“Her mother?” the duchess finished.  “Just so.”
“Uh, I’ll have the servants take your belongings to the palace.  Right now, however, we need to head to the museum.”
“The museum?” Duchess Cultured questioned, getting strangely nervous.
“Love is giving an oral report there, and I am inviting both of you as my guests.”
“What’s the oral report about?” Spoiled asked indifferently.
“It’s on the history of fireworks,” Love Tap answered excitedly.  “Did you know that they were invented right here in Marendelle?”
“And I should care because?”
“Now, Spoiled, mind the princess,” Duchess Cultured scolded affectedly.  “Marendelle is your future home after all.”
Spoiled Milk conceded reluctantly.
“If we’re going to the museum, I’m going to have to put this away,” continued the duchess, removing her necklace.  “It’s a family heirloom, and I don’t want it getting mixed up with the other priceless artifacts.”
Love Tap and her father shared a glance with each other, confused at the duchess’s behavior, but in the end, they shrugged it off as just an odd mannerism of hers.



The museum was filled with members from the Marendelle Historical Society along with the king, Love Tap’s stepfamily-to-be, and Love Tap’s elocution tutor Mr. Sharp Tongue.  Love Tap nervously looked at her audience from her seat next to the temporary stage.  Professor Record Book was going to introduce her to everypony in a few minutes, and Love Tap really wished that she was feeling more prepared.
“Nervous, your highness?” asked the professor.
“A little,” Love Tap answered.
“Don’t worry about it.  You’ll do great.”  The professor gave her a reassuring smile before going up to the podium.
“Welcome, members of the Marendelle Historical Society and esteemed guests,” announced Professor Record Book.  “It is with great pride and pleasure to announce that my prize pupil, Princess Love Tap, will be enchanting us this afternoon with her oral report on the history of fireworks.  Now, without further ado, please welcome Princess Love Tap up to the stage.”
The audience clapped enthusiastically.  Of course, nopony was more enthusiastic than the king himself.  Love Tap walked up to the stage and saw her father beaming at her with pride, making her feel less nervous.  However, she couldn’t help but worry about the bored looks that both Duchess Cultured and Spoiled Milk were wearing.  Love Tap took a deep breath and positioned herself behind the podium.
“Good afternoon, mares and gentlecolts,” Love Tap began with a loud, clear yet somewhat hesitant voice.  “I am Princess Love Tap, and today, I will be giving an oral report on the history of fireworks.”
Love Tap cleared her throat and continued.  “As you know, fireworks were invented right here in Marendelle by King Saltpeter during the middle years of his reign.  He was first inspired to create fireworks when a visiting dignitary from the Crystal Empire presented him with a painting as a gift.  The painting was of the Crystal Empire’s sky set aglow by the colorful streams of light created by the Crystal Heart’s magic.  King Saltpeter was captivated by the beauty of the northern sky and wished to replicate the display here in Marendelle.  However, being a small island nation made up primarily of earth ponies, Marendelle simply did not have to kind of magic needed to recreate the beautiful lights, so the king had to find a solution elsewhere.
“Now, King Saltpeter was an amateur chemist and a patron of the sciences, and together with a team of royal scientists, he mixed together several different combinations of chemicals that once lit would burst into colorful explosions in the sky.  These chemicals would later become known as fireworks, and when King Saltpeter first introduced them at the stroke of midnight on the first day of a new year, their brilliant light and color against the dark night sky filled the ponies of Marendelle with delight and wonder.  Setting off fireworks for the New Year became tradition here in Marendelle, and the practice quickly spread throughout Equestria.  Eventually, fireworks were used to celebrate a wide variety of holidays and special occasions.”
Love Tap’s face became solemn as she continued, “However, as the use of fireworks spread, other ponies found that the explosive substance could be used for darker, more destructive purposes.  Greedy and corrupt rulers used fireworks to invent many different kinds of bombs and cannons, each more powerful and devastating than the last, and used these new weapons to wage war on their neighbors.
“King Saltpeter, horrified that his invention was being used to hurt ponies, stopped trading fireworks with the warring nations, hoping to stop their misuse.  However, the warring nations merely hired pirates to steal the fireworks from Marendellian ships.  In the end, King Saltpeter himself had to arm his ships with bombs and cannons in order to defend them.”
Love Tap took a deep breath and confidently finished her report, “Despite its checkered history, fireworks continue to be used in celebrations of all kinds, and ponies continue to feel awe and joy at the sight of them.  Perhaps the reason why ponies love fireworks so much is because the way that their colors light up the night sky reminds them of their own hopes and dreams for a bright future.  From this report, I learned that sometimes bad ponies can use good ideas to do terrible things, but as long as ponies are wise, caring, and brave, they can keep hoping for and believing in a better future no matter how bad the present circumstances.”
The audience leapt to their hooves and gave a thunderous applause.  Of course, no pony applauded louder than King Lincoln Log.  Love Tap smiled and bowed before getting off the stage.  She was greeted by her father, Professor Record Book, Mr. Sharp Tongue, and several other ponies while Duchess Cultured Milk and Spoiled Milk merely stood off to the side.
“Well done.  Well done,” praised the professor.
“You were loud as thunder clap and clear as a bell, your majesty, and your delivery was nearly perfect,” critiqued Mr. Sharp Tongue.  “Your posture could use improvement, and you should be careful about clearing your throat or hesitating too often, but other than that, your performance was stellar.”
“Your highness,” Professor Record Book addressed the king.  “You must be proud to have such a gifted, intelligent, and perceptive heir and daughter.”
“Flattery will get you anywhere, professor,” answered Lincoln Log, “but yes, I am proud of her.  I’m so proud, I think I’ll bust.”
Love Tap blushed at her father’s praise.  The other ponies around her continued to praise her as well.  Love Tap glanced towards were her future stepfamily was standing and could have sworn that she saw Spoiled Milk glaring at her darkly.



“We are going to have so much fun together,” Love Tap prattled pulling Spoiled Milk down the hallway towards her room.  “I asked my father to put your room right next to mine, so that we can start sharing things and spending time together as much as possible.  I bet the two of us will be the best of friends.”
“Are you always this excited about everything?” Spoiled deadpanned.
“Oh, sorry if I’m being hyper or annoying or anything like that.  It’s just that I’ve never had a sister before, and I really hope that it’s as great as I think it’s going to be.”
The two of them reached their destination, and Love Tap pointed to two doors.
“Here’s my room, and this is yours,” she stated.  “The servants should have already left your stuff here.”
“As expected,” Spoiled scoffed.
“We could go into my room, and I could show you my toys, or we could go look for your mom.  I think her room is somewhere downstairs.”
“Mother is going over wedding plans with his highness,” huffed Spoiled Milk.  “I suppose I have time to come into your room.”
Love Tap pulled her stepsister-to-be into her room, showing her the shelves of books, toys, seashells, and other interesting trinkets.  Spoiled barely paid any attention to Love Tap’s talking and just looked over everything with total disinterest, but something managed to catch her eye.
“What’s this?” Spoiled asked, pointing at a small intricately carved box.
“Oh, this is my music box,” answered Love Tap.  “It was the last thing my mother ever gave to me.”
Love Tap took a key that she wore around her neck and inserted it into the notch in the back.  Then, she turned the key a few times and opened the box, allowing a sweet melody to fill the room.
Spoiled looked at the box with desire and said, “I do actually like this.  Give it to me.”
“What? No!” cried Love Tap, pulling the box away from her companion’s reach.
“Oh, for shame, didn’t you just say that you wanted to share things with me?” Spoiled taunted, still attempting to grab the box out of Love Tap’s hooves.
“I did say that,” Love Tap conceded, pausing to think for a bit, “but that doesn’t mean that I’m just going to let you have whatever you want just because you ask for it.  My mother gave me this.”
“And she’s dead.  Now, give it to me,” Spoiled demanded.
Love Tap froze in shock.  Nopony has ever talked about her mother that way before, and hearing those words out of her own future stepsister’s mouth made her feel very ugly inside.  Unfortunately, the time Love Tap needed to get over herself was just enough time for Spoiled Milk to grab hold of the music box.
“HEY!” Love Tap screamed, struggling to keep her grip on the box.
“Let it go!” Spoiled screamed back.
“You let go!”
“I’m older, so you have to do what I say!”
“Well, I’m the crown princess.  Unless, you’re a queen or an empress or my mother, you’re not allowed to command me.”
“I want it!”
Love Tap suddenly lost her grip on the box, causing Spoiled to lose her balance and fall backwards.  As she fell, the box flew from her hooves, hit the ceiling, and smashed into the floor, shattering to pieces.  Love Tap gasped in horror, her mind refusing to believe what her eyes just witnessed.  Who should walk in right at that moment but King Lincoln Log and his fiancée?
At first, neither parent said anything, looking from the girls’ shocked faces to the pile of broken wood and metal in the middle of the floor in total bewilderment.  Finally, Spoiled Milk decided to break the silence.
“She did it,” Spoiled accused, pointing at Love Tap.  “She broke it because she didn’t want me to have it.”
“WHAT?!” Love Tap cried in disbelief.
“Why, princess, for shame!  I expected better from you,” the duchess scolded.
“B-bu-but,” Love Tap stammered, trying to find the best way to explain the situation, “it was an accident, really.”
“Now, duchess, let us not be too hasty to judge,” Lincoln Log intervened.  “After all, it is very unlike my daughter to be petty.”
“And it is very unlike my daughter to lie,” Duchess Cultured countered.  “Besides, big changes do have a tendency to bring out the worst in ponies.  Perhaps the little princess is having trouble adjusting.”
“I was just showing Spoiled my things, and then she tried to make me give her the music box,” Love Tap explained, talking very quickly.  “When I wouldn’t give it to her, she grabbed it, and well,—”
She pointed at the broken music box.  Her father nodded in understanding while the duchess gave her a stern glare.
“King Lincoln Log, you don’t mean to tell me that you trust your daughter’s word over my daughter’s, do you?” the duchess accused.
King Lincoln Log sighed.  “I’m just going to write this off as an accident.  From where I’m standing, it seems like the girls merely got started off the wrong hoof.  The only thing we can do about the situation now is to try to get the box fixed.”
At that, the king rang for a servant and ordered him to take the box’s remains to the craftspony who made it.  The keyhole had gotten especially damaged in the fiasco, so Love Tap had to hoof over the key so that the craftspony can properly reconstruct a new one.  After Love Tap reluctantly released her music box key, she gave Spoiled Milk a pointed glare.  Spoiled responded by quickly flicking her tongue in Love Tap’s direction.
“Girls,” Lincoln Log addressed the two fillies.  “I know being part of an entire new family is a massive change for all of us, but please attempt to get along until the wedding.”
Love Tap sighed, “Of course, Father.”
Spoiled merely nodded.
“I’m so sorry for trouble my daughter has caused,” the duchess apologized sweetly, too sweetly.
“But, Mother,” Spoiled complained.
“Hush, child,” Duchess Cultured hissed, giving Spoiled a rather odd look.  “Please let me make it up to you.  Here.”
The duchess pulled out the gold and diamond necklace that she was wearing earlier at the harbor and held it towards Love Tap.
“Now, Duchess Cultured, that really won’t be necessary,” protested King Lincoln Log.  “Uh, didn’t you say that was an heirloom?”
“Well, the princess is about to become my daughter,” Duchess Cultured replied, batting her lashes innocently.  “Besides, I’ve already given Spoiled many nice things, haven’t I, dear?”
The duchess gave her daughter yet another odd look.  Spoiled’s eyes widened, and she nodded in understanding.
“Indeed, you have,” Spoiled Milk answered, giving a disingenuous-looking smile.  “Besides, your diamond necklace suits Princess Love Tap so well.”
Love Tap couldn’t help but find the whole interaction horribly suspicious.  Nevertheless, she decided to give her stepfamily-to-be the benefit of a doubt and accepted the gift, clasping it around her neck.
“Well, now that we’ve cleared the air, why don’t we all head down to dinner?”  King Lincoln Log suggested, addressing the duchess.  “Afterwards, you and Spoiled can get settled, and then, Love and I can give you a tour of the castle tomorrow.”



The next day, as promised, Lincoln Log and Love Tap were giving Duchess Cultured and Spoiled Milk a tour of the castle.  Although she had more or less forgiven Spoiled for yesterday, Love Tap was still rather hurt about having her most prized possession broken.  Spoiled, on the other hoof, was acting colder towards her by the minute.  At the moment, the four of them were in the hallway displaying portraits of Marendelle’s past and present rulers.
“Hey, who’s this?” Spoiled asked, noticing two particular portraits.
“That’s King Saltpeter,” Love Tap identified proudly.  “Remember? From my report yesterday?”
Spoiled just rolled her eyes dismissively.
“King Saltpeter has two portraits with two different queens because he’s the first king in Marendellian history to get remarried,” Love continued, “and in less than two weeks, Father will be the second.”
“That’s right, Love,” King Lincoln Log beamed.
“And after we get married, our portrait will be up next,” Duchess Cultured added.
“In five years or so.”
“What?” Spoiled Milk and her mother exclaimed.
“You see, because of King Saltpeter’s then unprecedented remarriage, Marendelle has certain conditions regarding royal remarriages.  Best I let my little historian tell you,” the king gave his daughter a playful wink.
“When King Saltpeter first announced his decision to remarry, the announcement was met with much controversy partly because the decision was so unprecedented.  Furthermore, his chosen bride Brooksong was a commoner at the time,” Love Tap began.  “The decision was complicated by the fact that King Saltpeter’s only child Princess Bejeweled was the first female heir to the throne.  The ponies of Marendelle believed a crisis of succession would result if the king and his new wife had children.  On one hand, some ponies believed that the throne rightfully belonged to Bejeweled while others supported the king’s remarriage on the condition that he and Brooksong produce a male heir.
“King Saltpeter made a compromise, stating that Brooksong will not be given the title of queen but that of princess consort.  Although the ponies will respect her as they would a queen, her word would hold no more authority than that of a princess.  Furthermore, Princess Bejeweled will remain his heir unless Brooksong gives birth to a son.  If she does produce a son, he will train for the throne alongside Bejeweled until both are of age.  Then, the king’s successor will be determined by vote.”
“That’s very interesting and all, but it doesn’t explain why my mother has to wait five years to become queen,” Spoiled Milk interrupted.
“I’m getting there,” Love Tap replied, “You see, after King Saltpeter and Brooksong had been married for five years, Brooksong had proven herself to be a caring and affectionate stepmother to the princess and a selfless and generous leader to the ponies of Marendelle, and Princess Bejeweled and the ponies grew to love her.  Brooksong was so well-loved that Princess Bejeweled herself requested for Brooksong to officially be given the rank of queen with full support of the kingdom.  When Bejeweled became queen, she passed a law in order to honor her stepmother.  The law states that if any later kings remarry, the king’s new wife must serve Marendelle as princess consort for five years minimum before being given the rank of queen at the discretion of the royal family and the royal advisers.”
Love Tap finished her recitation with a smile.  The king nodded in approval, but Duchess Cultured and Spoiled Milk just blinked a few times, their faces betraying no emotion.
“Oh my,” the duchess finally spoke.  “Isn’t that a lot of trouble just for a remarriage?  Can’t you just make things easier for us and change the law?”
“I can,” replied King Lincoln Log, “but I won’t.  As far as I can tell, it isn’t an unjust law.  Furthermore, it was passed in order to honor one of Marendelle’s best queens.  Nothing wrong with that.”
“Well, let’s just say Mother does wait five years and becomes queen.  Who’s going to get the throne now that there’s two of us?” Spoiled Milk half-asked, half-whined.
The king paused, completely taken aback.  “Well, I had always assumed that Love Tap would be the one to inherit the crown.  Ruling Marendelle is a big responsibility, and she has trained her whole life for it and exceled, too.”
“But Spoiled Milk is the older one,” Duchess Cultured countered, batting her eyelashes.  “Don’t you think you’re being a bit unfair favoring Princess Love Tap over her?”
Love Tap and her father shared a look.  Then Love Tap spoke, “It doesn’t really matter who gets the throne as long as the ponies of Marendelle have a ruler who can care for them and lead them wisely, doesn’t it?”
“Quite right,” Spoiled agreed with a smug grin on her face.
“So, why don’t Spoiled and I both train for the throne until we’re both of age and then, have the ponies choose which one of us gets to be queen?”
“What?!”
“That’s what King Saltpeter was going to do if he had another heir.”
“Excellent idea, Love,” commended King Lincoln Log.  “I’ll run it by the royal advisers, and if they agree, I’ll have it put down in writing.  Uh, Spoiled are you feeling well?  Your face is turning red.”
“Oh, I’m fine,” Spoiled Milk answered stiffly.  “I just need some air.”
At that, Spoiled Milk stormed out of the hallway, her mother following after her.



The following week seemed to pass in a blur.  In addition to all the everyday matters such as lessons, paperwork, and appointments, Love Tap and Lincoln Log were busy helping the duchess and Spoiled Milk with all the wedding planning that needed to be done.  First, the girls had to get fitted for gowns.  Then, the four of them had to choose the flower arrangements and the cake.  Love Tap and her father especially enjoyed helping choose the cake.
In between business as usual and wedding planning, the royal family tried to spend as much time as possible getting to know Cultured Milk and her daughter even though the latter two didn’t seem to be putting as much of an effort.  One day, the four of them took a trip to the beach, but Spoiled and the duchess just spent entire afternoon sitting in the shade.  Another day, they all sat through Love Tap’s music lesson, but Love Tap could have sworn that Spoiled was trying to upstage her the whole time.  Furthermore, Spoiled sang so horribly that Ms. Melody turned green.
Despite how hectic the week had been, Love Tap had been noticing that her father was displaying a number of strange symptoms such as headaches and dizziness.  He also seemed to tire much more easily and had difficulty spending long periods of time on his hooves.  All through the week, Love Tap had repeatedly begged her father to send for the royal physician.  Lincoln Log staunchly insisted that he was fine, but his daughter eventually wore him down, and he relented.
“Hmm,” said the physician as he thoroughly checked King Lincoln Log over.  “I can’t figure out what might be causing your symptoms, your majesty, but whatever it is, it doesn’t seem natural.”
“Oh, please do whatever you can to help him, doctor,” Love Tap pleaded.  “I’d hate for anything terrible to happen to him.”
“I assure you, princess.  Your father is in good hooves.  Just be sure to let me know right away if the king develops any new or worsening symptoms.”



Later that night, as Love Tap was taking a hot bath, she couldn’t stop fretting about her father’s condition.  She found it odd that her father started showing the strange symptoms shortly after the duchess and her daughter found out that neither of them would have a guaranteed claim to the throne after the marriage.  Would either of them have anything to do with her father’s illness?
“That’s silly,” she thought to herself as she got out of the tub and toweled off.  “I know Duchess Cultured and Spoiled Milk can be a bit trying at times, but nopony is that heartless.  The duchess even gave me a family heirloom as a sign of accepting me as a daughter.”
However, when Love Tap picked up the aforementioned heirloom to put it back on, she noticed that something was rubbing off on her hooves.  Upon closer inspection, she realized that gold paint was coming off of the necklace, and underneath the paint was some kind of dull, gray metal.
“Wait.  The necklace is a fake?” Love Tap asked herself, utterly confused.  “How can it be an heirloom if it’s not even real?  And if it’s not even real, why was the duchess so worried about losing it at the museum?”
Her eyes widened in realization.  “Because she wasn’t.  She was worried that some expert at the museum would notice that her necklace was fake.”
She gasped as she thought, “I wonder what else the duchess has lied about.”
Love Tap wasn’t proud about what she was about to do, but her father’s health and the safety of the kingdom were at stake, so she quietly snuck downstairs to Duchess Cultured’s room.  Love Tap knew better than to snoop on guests, and she could get in big trouble with her father for being so disrespectful, but she also couldn’t let the duchess carry out her bad intentions if she had any.
To her surprise, Love Tap heard voices coming from the duchess’s room.  She recognized them as the duchess’s and her daughter’s.  She cautiously pressed an ear against the door, taking absolute care not to make any noise.
“I can’t wait another week,” whined Spoiled.  “Can’t you convince the king to move the wedding up or something?”
“I’m trying to find a way,” snapped Cultured Milk, “but I can’t just ask him upfront or else, he’ll get suspicious.  Right now, our best chance of getting the wedding moved up is for us to win the princess over.  We need to make her enjoy having us be part of the family so much that she’ll want her father to get married sooner.”
“I can’t believe that horrid brat is making me compete with her for the crown.  She’s just so beautiful and gifted, and everypony here just absolutely loves her.  Just how does she expected me to win?”
“Just stick to the plan, and Marendelle will have no choice but to give us what we want and deserve.”
Love Tap pulled away from the door and stealthily scurried back up the stairs.  Okay, those two were definitely up to no good, and Love Tap will have to figure out what they’re planning before the duchess and her father get married.  However, she’ll be spending so much time with them the following week that she won’t be able to do any more snooping.  There was only one thing to do.
“Tea Cake, Cream Puff, I need to ask the two of you a favor,” Love Tap said, addressing her two young maids in the privacy of her room.
“Of course, princess,” replied Tea Cake.
“I need you to look through Duchess Cultured Milk’s and Spoiled Milk’s things while the three of us are busy tomorrow.”
“What?” cried Cream Puff.
“Shhh!” Love Tap cautioned.  “Listen, I know I shouldn’t be asking something like this from you, but I have reason to believe that the two of them have plans to harm me and my father.  Look for any weapons or suspicious items.  Anything you find important you must bring to me tomorrow night.  I’ll decide what to do with your findings from there.”
“Of course, princess,” the two of them bowed and took their leave.



The next day, Love Tap tried to keep her stepfamily-to-be as occupied as possible even if it meant agreeing to activities she didn’t particularly enjoy.  For example, the three of them ended up playing several frustrating rounds of croquet in the garden that afternoon.  On the positive side, she did get the duchess and Spoiled Milk to agree to another trip to the beach and the museum.  No doubt they were only being so agreeable in order to further their plans.
That night, right after everypony else settled in, Love Tap met with the two maids to discuss their findings.
“Well?” Love Tap asked.
“I’m afraid I found nothing among Spoiled Milk’s things, princess,” replied Cream Puff.
“But I found this among the duchess’s,” added Tea Cake, pulling out a mysterious vial filled with a purple liquid.
“What is it?” Cream Puff asked.
Love Tap took the vial and eyed it suspiciously.  “Girls, can you remember which dishes my father has eaten or drunk out of during the past week?”
“No, but I’m sure we can find somepony in the kitchen staff who can,” answered Cream Puff.
“Head down there and collect as many of them as you can.  I’m afraid I’m going to have to summon the royal physician for a secret late night visit.”
The maids bowed and left the room.



“Oh my,” said the royal physician, examining the vial that Love Tap had just given him.  “And you believe that what’s in this vial may be the cause of your father’s strange symptoms?”
“I do,” Love Tap affirmed.
“And you say that your maids found it among the duchess’s possessions?”
“We did,” the maids nodded in agreement.
“I will take this to the royal university for the scientists to examine along with the tableware you and your maids have brought.”
“Please be sure to inform me and my father of your findings immediately.”
“As expected,” the physician bowed and took his leave.



One day and one night later, the page came in while the royal family and their guests were having tea.
“Your majesties, the royal physician is requesting an audience with both of you immediately.  He says it’s urgent,” the page said.
Love Tap’s eyes widened in anticipation while the king gave a look of confusion.  The duchess and her daughter shared a rather nervous look before quickly composing themselves.
“Well, you and Love Tap should go ahead and see the good physician,” said Duchess Cultured, getting up.  “I’m sure Spoiled and I will be able to find something to occupy ourselves with.”
“Actually, maybe you should stay with us,” replied Love Tap, trying to sound as innocent as possible.  “Whatever the physician has to say, he can say to all of us.”
“Quite right,” agreed the king before turning to address the page.  “Send him in immediately.”
The page bowed and left, returning moments later with the royal physician.
“My king,” began the physician. “I am pleased to have discovered the source of your ailment.  However, I’m afraid I also have some bad news.”
“The illness isn’t fatal, is it?” asked King Lincoln Log.
“Fortunately, no, it’s not fatal, but you must begin treatment at once.  Before I tell you the bad news, I must let you know that your symptoms are being caused by the contents of this vial,” the physician replied, showing King Lincoln Log the vial that Love Tap had given him two nights ago.
“Where the hay did you get that?!” Spoiled Milk shrieked in a panic before her mother silenced her with a glare.
“Funny you should ask, miss.  You see, this substance is actually a deadly poison.  In a large dose, it can kill immediately, but if given in smaller doses over a period of time, it causes ponies to become increasingly ill before it eventually builds up and kills the affected.  The royal scientists found traces of this poison on the dishes you’ve been using, and I was told that the vial was found among the duchess’s belongings.”
Spoiled turned several shades whiter, but the duchess seemed unusually calm.
“Doctor, whoever gave you your information obviously lied,” Duchess Cultured said sweetly.  “I’ve never seen that vial before in my life.”
“Spoiled seems to recognize it,” Love pointed out.
“No, I don’t,” Spoiled answered rather unconvincingly.
“I can assure you that my informant is completely trustworthy and would have no motive whatsoever to harm anypony, especially the king,” the physician countered.  “Err, were you the one who poured the king’s tea earlier?”
The duchess’s catty smile dropped for a few seconds before she resumed smiling.  “Purely circumstantial, I assure you.”
At that moment, a faint thud was heard coming from Duchess Cultured’s direction and a half-filled vial similar to the one the doctor was holding rolled out from under her dress.  Everypony in the room except Spoiled Milk glared at her.
“I suppose that was ‘purely circumstantial’ as well,” King Lincoln Log deadpanned.
“I-I’ve been framed!” Cultured Milk cried before pointing a hoof accusingly at Love Tap.  “It was her.  She planned the whole thing out to try to keep us from getting married.”
“WHAT?!” Love cried, incredulously.
“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” the king shouted, angrily.  “I know my daughter like my own mind.  Even if she could have planned something so ludicrously complicated, she would never ever intentionally try to hurt me for any reason.”
“Never,” Love agreed.
“Guards!” King Lincoln Log called.  Soon, a number of them arrived at the room, and the king ordered, “Please escort Duchess Cultured Milk and her daughter to the dungeon.  Tomorrow morning, have them sent to Stirram immediately to have them tried for treason.  Take the evidence we have against them along with written testimonies from everypony present in this room.”
“Yes, your majesty,” the knights bowed and began to take the two culprits to the dungeon.
“Hey, quit shoving,” complained Spoiled.



“Thankfully, with some medicine and bedrest, my father recovered,” finished Love Tap in the present day.  “He also found out that I had snooped on the guests but decided not to punish me given the circumstances.”
At first, nopony said anything.  Button and Sweetie Belle shared a look of utter shock and disbelief while Sweetie’s sisters and their husbands just blinked a few times.  At last, Cinnamon Swirl spoke.
“So when I said that you were worried about losing our son to some strange mare, I was actually closer to the truth than I had realized,” Cinnamon stated.
“I was so terrified that history was going to repeat itself,” Love cried, putting her hooves over her eyes, “especially after that horrible nightmare I had.”
“What nightmare?” her husband and son both asked.
“Well, I don’t know.  I really shouldn’t be talking about it in front of the children.”
Her two favorite stallions crossed their arms at her, shooting her looks of concern and disapproval.
“Fine,” she relented.  “On the night my father had, well, passed, I dreamt that Button had grown up and was about to get married, and I couldn’t be happier.  I can’t remember any distinguishing details about the bride.  I do remember, however, that after the two of them exchanged wedding vows, she pulled a knife out of her dress and, well, you get the idea.”
Love Tap could see everypony’s eyes growing to the size of dinner plates, but she knew they were going to need to hear the rest of what happened in her dream.
“Suddenly, the bride quite literally takes off her face and turns into Spoiled Milk, and she gives me this horrifying grin and says, ‘I always get what I want, princess.  Always!’  Then, I woke up.”
Button blinked a few times before he finally found his voice, “Mom, I don’t know which is scarier, how downright weird your dreams are or how strangely accurate they turn out.”
“Love, in all the years we’ve been married, how come you’ve never told me about Spoiled Milk, err, Rich before?” Cinnamon questioned.
“I didn’t think I’d need to,” Love replied.  “I wanted to leave her in the past, and up until today, she was presumed dead.”
“What do you mean ‘presumed dead’?” Apple Bloom asked.
“After my father had them sent back to Stirram, the ship they were on just mysteriously exploded with no survivors.”
Everypony’s jaws dropped while Love Tap’s eyes widened in realization.  “Spoiled and her mother set up that explosion to cover up their tracks.  Afterwards, they discreetly returned to Stirram and pretended that nothing had happened.”
“Mm-hmm,” everypony else nodded.
“All those ponies.  She’s responsible for all of them,” Love Tap gasped in horror before she put a hoof to her face, “and now that she’s a queen, I can’t bring her to justice without starting a war.”
“You mean, we’re stuck sharing the palace with a potential killer?” Skater cried.
“I’m too young to die.  I wanna live,” Roller Blade whimpered.
“What if she tries to take my music box?” gasped Little Button.
“Everypony, please settle down,” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.  “Nopony is going to die, and nothing is going to get stolen during this visit.  We’re just going to have to be careful around Queen Spoiled.  That’s all.”
After she and her sisters managed to calm their children, Sweetie addressed her mother-in-law with an empathetic look on her face, “Your majesty, I know that it’s hard for you having Spoiled Rich here, and I’m not saying this to hurt you, but maybe you should try to patch things up with her.  Even if she doesn’t want to accept you as a friend, the two of you can at least part ways on more neutral terms.”
Love Tap sighed heavily, letting her daughter-in-law’s words sink in.  Her mind wandered to the report that she gave on the day that Spoiled Milk and the duchess came into her life, remembering her conclusion that wisdom and courage gave ponies the ability to hope.  Well, she was certainly going to need all her wisdom and courage to hope that this visit didn’t end in disaster.  Besides, she needed to set a good example for her granddaughters and their cousins.
“You know what, Sweetie Belle,” Love Tap began, “you’re right.  Spoiled is going to do what she’s going to do.  I’m just not going to let it bother me.”
Just then, a shrill, angry shout filled the whole castle, “HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY YOUR MOTHER, YOUNG MARE!  GIVE THAT BACK AT ONCE!”
Another slightly less unpleasant shout answered back, “No!”
Love Tap quickly stepped out of the throne room to find the source of the ruckus and was knocked over by Princess Diamond Tiara, who had been running too fast to look where she was going.  During the collision, Diamond Tiara dropped a familiar-looking vial, causing Love Tap to gasp in horror and recognition.  Queen Spoiled came up from behind her daughter, stopping herself just in time to avoid crashing into the two ponies in front of her.
“What is that?” cried Love Tap as she got up, pointing to the vial.
“It’s not mine.  I swear,” Diamond Tiara pleaded.
“I’ve never seen it before either,” Spoiled Rich lied rather obviously, her face going pale.
Love Tap had the servants dispose of the vial and summoned the two mares into the throne room where the rest of the family was still waiting.
“We need to talk,” Love addressed Spoiled.
“You’re going to have to be a little more specific,” Spoiled replied.
“Spoiled, I mean, queen, I am painfully aware of the bad blood between us, but for the sake of this visit and our families, can we at least attempt to be friends?”
“Fine, but once this visit is over, I never want to see you again.”
At that, Queen Spoiled Rich turned around and ran out of the throne room, her face fuming.  For a while, Diamond Tiara did nothing but smile awkwardly at the royals.
“Umm, I’ll just go make sure she stays out of trouble,” Diamond Tiara finally spoke before she curtsied and took off after her mother.
“This is going to be one long week,” groaned Snow Pea.
“You said it,” her parents and grandparents agreed.

> The Tale of Princess Bejeweled and the Diamond Dogs
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“Oh, sing sweet nightingale/Sing sweet nightingale/HIIIIIIIGH above me,” sang/screeched Queen Spoiled Rich as her daughter Princess Diamond Tiara played the flute.  The two of them were on a diplomatic visit in Marendelle with King Filthy Rich, and Queen Spoiled had insisted on treating her hosts to some “entertainment.”
Diamond Tiara shot her new friends, Queen Sweetie Belle and Princesses Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, an apologetic look as she played.  The three sisters cringed as they flattened their ears against their heads in an attempt to block out the visiting queen’s “singing”.  Their respective husbands, King Button Mash and Princes Pip and Rumble, gripped their chairs in an attempt to keep themselves from simply getting up and leaving.
Also present were Button Mash’s parents, Love Tap and Cinnamon Swirl, Crown Princess Snow Pea, her sister Princess Little Button, and their three cousins Roller Blade, Skater, and Apple Butter.  Snow Pea and her grandparents smiled awkwardly, grimacing every time Queen Spoiled let loose a sour note, which was roughly every three to five seconds.  Little Button and her cousins, however, simply yanked their seat cushions out from under them and wrapped the cushions around their ears, trying desperately to muffle the awful noises.  The only member of the audience that seemed comfortable during Queen Spoiled’s performance was her husband who had discreetly stuffed his ears with candle wax.
“Oh, sing sweet nightingale/Sing sweet nightingale/HIIIIIIIGH above,” Queen Spoiled continued.
After another minute or so of torture, the queen finally stopped.  King Rich applauded heartily while the rest of the royals gave a few courtesy claps.
“Well, wasn’t that something, your majesties?” King Rich asked.
“It sure was,” King Button weakly agreed.
“Well, there goes two minutes of our lives we’re never getting back,” Rumble muttered.  His wife smacked him with one of her wings.
“Be nice,” Scootaloo whispered, noticing the condescending look the queen was directing at them.
“Perhaps our hosts would like an encore,” suggested Queen Spoiled.
“NO!” screamed Little Button before being silenced by her sister’s hoof.
“What my sister means is,” Snow Pea began, giving their guests a very uncomfortable smile, “we wouldn’t dream of asking you to wear out your lovely voice by having you sing for us again.”
“Besides,” Love Tap added, “Cinnamon and I already had plans to take the children out to the museum.”
“We did?” her husband inquired before his wife nudged him with her elbow.  “Right.  We did.”
“I’m afraid we must be going now.  Come along, little ones.”
“Lucky,” Rumble grumbled as the children left the room with Love Tap and Cinnamon.



“Whew,” sighed LB.  “Thanks for getting us out of there, Grandma.  My head was about to explode.”
“I’ll say,” agreed Apple Butter, rubbing her still sore ears.
“I kind of wish we were doing something more exciting than going to a boring museum though,” said Roller Blade.
“Aww, don’t complain, Roller.  I’d take this over spending another minute with Queen Spoiled any day,” his sister scolded.
“Besides,” Love Tap continued, “some of the artifacts here have some very interesting stories behind them.”
After about fifteen minutes roaming the museum, the group came to an area that mostly displayed gemstones and outdated lab equipment.  Also on display were old fireworks, maps of the jungle, worn notebooks with yellowing pages, and other odds and ends.
“This part of the museum has some of King Saltpeter’s stuff, right, Grandma?” asked Snow Pea.  “I remember because you said that he was a ‘patron of the sciences.’”
“That’s right, Snowy,” beamed Love Tap.
“Well, there’s definitely a lot of science in here,” noted Roller Blade.
“Grandma, what’s a patron?” asked Little Button.
“Well, Lil, a patron is somepony who supports a cause by donating money and/or resources,” answered Love Tap.
“When your grandma and I were on the throne, we were patrons of the museum because we donated a lot of our old stuff here,” added Cinnamon.
“I wonder what Snowy is going to be a patron of when she’s queen,” said Skater.
“Probably math,” groaned LB, rolling her eyes.
“Hey!” exclaimed Snowy.
“What about architecture?” suggested Apple Butter.  “Architecture’s got math in it.”
“Well, whatever Snowy chooses, I’m sure it will be wonderful,” Love Tap assured.
Roller Blade found himself drawn to a display case labeled “Inventions of King Saltpeter.”  In addition to a few tubes of fireworks, the case also displayed a box of matches, three signal flares, a container of a dull gray substance labeled “flash powder,” and …
“Are those Pop Rocks?” gasped Roller.
“Why, yes, they are,” replied Love Tap.  “King Saltpeter invented those on a bit of a whim.  Of course, back then, they were just called popping candy.”
“Cool!”
“Did he invent rock candy, too?” asked Skater, looking over a different display case.  The case held an array of gemstones, mostly diamonds, and one bag of clear rock candy.
“Oh no,” giggled Love Tap.  “There’s actually an interesting story behind what’s in that case.  Come.  Gather around.”
The children moved closer to her as Love Tap began her tale.



A long time ago, Marendelle was much smaller and much closer to the coast.  The jungle was completely unexplored, and many ponies made their living by farming cocoa, sugar cane, and pearls.  However, one day hundreds of cocoa trees were infected by a horrible rot.  Many ponies became worried that they would not be able to support themselves and their families.  While some ponies worked to find a way to control the rot, others suggested going deeper into the jungle to look for new resources.
King Saltpeter was wary about sending ponies into the jungle.  After all, it was largely unknown and shrouded in myth and mystery.  Nevertheless, he sent a small team of explorers and naturalists into the jungle to try and discover its secrets.  When nopony returned after several weeks, King Saltpeter sent another team into the jungle to discover what happened to the first team, but they seemingly vanished as well.
Now, during this time, his daughter Princess Bejeweled was just about to become of age, and she was desperate to prove her capability as a leader.  You see, Princess Bejeweled was the first female heir to be born into Marendelle’s royal family, and quite a few ponies looked down on her because of this.  Not that they would ever say so to her or her father’s face.
When Bejeweled found out about the second exploration team’s disappearance, she suggested sending in another rescue party only this time, she would lead the team herself.  King Saltpeter immediately rejected the idea, worried that his only child would vanish into the jungle as well.  However, the princess stubbornly insisted on going, believing that she would be able to find the cause of the disappearances.  Eventually, with some reassurance from Queen Brooksong, King Saltpeter agreed.



On the day of the rescue team’s departure, Princess Bejeweled was approached by an earth pony colt roughly about her age.  The colt had a straw-colored coat and a mane and tail that reminded her of grass.  He was followed by a much younger filly, also an earth pony, with a yellow green coat and dark brown pigtails.  They each carried a pack on their backs.
“Sugar Cane, go home.  I mean it,” the colt scolded the filly.
“May I help you?” asked Princess Bejeweled.
“Your majesty,” the colt bowed.  “My name is Reed.  I am requesting permission to accompany your rescue party.  You see, my father is Professor Papyrus.  He’s a botanist who was part of the first expedition into the jungle, and I’m hoping to find him.”
“I want to go, too!” cried the filly.  “Please, big brother.”
“Sugar, no!  You’re staying with Aunt and Uncle!”
“But—”
“No ‘buts.’  It’s bad enough that the rescue team already has one girl dragging them down.”  Reed froze in embarrassment, realizing who he had just blurted that statement in front of.  He could feel the princess’s offended glares drilling into the back of his head.
“Uh, I mean—,” Reed stammered once he found the courage to look Princess Bejeweled in the face.
“You will find the rest of the rescue party at the courtyard, packing for the journey.  If you wish to join us, go make yourself useful and help them pack,” Bejeweled spat before heading to the kitchens with a huff.
Alone in the kitchens, Bejeweled checked over the provisions, making sure that the party had enough rations for the trip.  She was later joined by somepony she loved and admired very much.
“Need help packing?” asked Queen Brooksong with a smile like a bright summer day.
“Hello, Stepmother,” Bejeweled greeted, smiling back half-heartedly.
“Is everything alright?”
“More or less.  Except for…”
The princess glared at the floor, thinking about what Reed had said about her earlier.
“Well,” Queen Brooksong urged.
“Except for that colt that asked to come with us,” Bejeweled admitted.  “He said that I’m going to slow down the rescue party.”
“This is about you being a girl again, isn’t it?”
Bejeweled nodded, still scowling.
“Don’t let it get to you,” Brooksong encouraged, tilting her stepdaughter’s head up by her chin.  “Remember what I always told you back when I was just your governess?”
Bejeweled brightened a bit as she began, “You’re braver than you believe…”
“Stronger than you seem,” Brooksong joined her, “and smarter than you think.”
“Thanks, Stepmother.  I needed that,” Bejeweled beamed.  “It seems like you’re the only pony who believes in me these days.”
“For what it’s worth, your father believes in you, too,” assured Brooksong.  “He’d just rather not prove it by sending you into a jungle where ponies have mysteriously vanished.  Anyway, good luck and be careful.  If you run into any problems, just use that big brain of yours to think your way out.”
Queen Brooksong gave her stepdaughter a gentle, affectionate tap on the forehead at the end of her last sentence.  Then, she pulled Bejeweled into a hug before leaving the kitchens.  Bejeweled took a deep breath before heading out to the courtyard where the rest of the team was waiting for her.
Once the princess had joined them, the rescue team made their way into the jungle, following the trail that the missing ponies had marked.  Everypony kept their eyes peeled for any signs of struggle or foul play.  Eventually, however, the group decided to set up camp for the night and continue the next morning.  Reed took this as the perfect opportunity to speak with the princess that he had unintentionally insulted earlier.
“Your majesty,” Reed began, “I’m sorry if what I said before offended you.”
“What do you mean IF it offended me?” snapped Bejeweled as she unrolled her sleeping bag.
“THAT what I said before offended you,” Reed corrected himself.  “I didn’t mean to say it.  It just came out.”
“I know,” Bejeweled conceded.  “Other ponies think I’m not good enough of an heir just because I’m a mare.  Well, I’m going to prove them wrong.  If ponies will just give me a chance, I’ll surprise them.”
“So, are you still mad at me or are we good?”
“We’re good…for now.”
Suddenly, everypony heard a scream coming from a part of the jungle they already passed.  Princess Bejeweled, Reed, and two other ponies went over to investigate.  To their surprise, they found Sugar Cane clinging to a tree surrounded by tribal hamsters.
“Hey, shoo!  Shoo!  She’s with us,” Bejeweled shouted at the hamsters.  Upon hearing her shout and seeing the group approach them, the feral rodents scattered.
“You were supposed to stay with Aunt and Uncle,” Reed scolded his younger sister as she lowered herself from the tree.
“Well, you’re not going to make me head back now that it’s starting to get dark, are you?” exclaimed Sugar Cane.
Reed opened his mouth to further protest but failed to find any sound arguments against his sister’s words.
“Your majesty, do you think those, uh, hamsters are the ones behind the missing ponies?” asked one of the other ponies.
“I don’t think so,” answered Bejeweled.  “The markers continue farther down the trail.  Besides, they only seem to go after ponies who travel alone.”
“So, like it or not, my sister’s pretty much stuck with us, isn’t she?” Reed deadpanned, glaring at Sugar Cane.
“Pretty much,” the princess confirmed.



The next day, the rescue team with Sugar Cane in tow continued their trek further into the jungle.  The farther they continued down the trail, the rockier the ground became.  Eventually, they reached a part of the jungle with no trail markings.
“This has to be the last place the missing ponies were,” Bejeweled pointed out.  She crouched down noticing that the ground had been disturbed.  Furthermore, some of the markings on the ground appeared to be pawprints.
Almost immediately, several paws came out of the ground and grabbed onto her and pulled her downwards.
“Princess!” cried Reed before being pulled down himself.  Before long, the entire party had been dragged beneath the ground, landing hard in what appeared to be the middle of a network of tunnels.
“Where are we?” cried Sugar, scooting closer to her brother for protection.
“Well, we’re rather obviously underground,” noted Reed.
The group saw figures emerging from the shadows, and to their surprise, they found that their captors were…
“Dogs,” Bejeweled flatly stated in confusion.  “They’re dogs.”
“We are the Diamond Dogs,” said the large one who appeared to be their leader, “and you ponies shall be our slaves and mine pretty gems for us.”
“And if we refuse?”
As if in reply to her question, about a hundred more dogs emerged from the shadows.  Even a blind pony could clearly see that they were vastly outnumbered.  Any resistance would likely be met with the most brutal of retribution.
“Move ponies,” ordered the lead dog as the other dogs forced them on their hooves.
The dogs led the group down a particular tunnel.  At the end of the tunnel was a cave full of cages, and inside some of those cages were the missing ponies.  Reed and Sugar Cane recognized one of the caged ponies and attempted to break from the ranks.
“Dad!” Reed called, catching the attention of an older stallion.  The stallion shared Reed’s coat color but had a black mane and wore thick glasses.
“Reed?  Sugar?” the stallion called back.
However, the lead dog grabbed the siblings and unceremoniously stuffed them into a cage with Princess Bejeweled.
“Stay here,” the lead dog ordered.  “When we come back, we will let you out to find us pretty gems.”
Another dog who appeared to be second in command added, “And if you don’t do what we say, we will grind your bones to make our bed.”
“Bread,” his superior corrected in annoyance.
“What?”
“You were supposed to say, ‘We will grind your bones to make our BREAD.’”
“Oh.  Who would want to eat bread made of bones?  You could break a tooth.”
“Well, who would want to sleep on a bed made of bones?  You could hurt your back.”
“Said the big dog who probably sleeps on a bed of rocks,” Reed butted in.
“Quiet, pony!” both dogs barked before leaving the cave and resuming their argument.
Once the ponies were alone, Professor Papyrus addressed his son, “Why in Equestria did you bring your sister with you?”
“I didn’t bring her.  She followed us,” Reed answered in annoyance.
“Well, now, we know why ponies have been going missing,” observed the princess.  “Now, we just need to find a way to get out of here.”
“And just how do we do that?” snarked Reed.
“I’m thinking.”
“Well, in their haste, the dogs forgot to take away our supplies,” noted one of the other ponies.  “Perhaps, we can use them to escape from these cages.”
“I’m afraid that probably won’t do us much good,” replied Bejeweled.  “Even if we get out of our cages, the dogs could just force us into new ones through brute strength alone.  We need to convince them to let us go willingly.”
Bejeweled carefully analyzed the situation that she and her ponies were in, trying to find a solution to their predicament.  Now, what did she know about her captors?  They were dogs.  They loved gems.  They lived underground in the jungle.  Above all, they weren’t very smart.
Princess Bejeweled’s thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a crunching sound from behind her.  Bejeweled and Reed turned around and saw Sugar Cane munching on some rock candy.
“You brought candy with you?  Really?” Reed hissed incredulously.
“What?! I like candy,” Sugar Cane retorted.
Princess Bejeweled’s eyes widened when she saw the rock candy.  She opened her pack looking for signal flares.  To her relief, she found five.  She held on to one and gave the rest to Reed.
“Use these to stick the candy together,” she ordered.  “Try to make a huge mass bigger than Sugar Cane’s head.”
Reed looked at her quizzically before his eyes widened in realization.  “You’ve got a plan.”
“I’ve got the perfect plan.”



An hour had passed, and the Diamond Dogs returned with chains, harnesses, and wagons.  They forced the ponies out of the cages and lined them up.
“Now the puny ponies will mine pretty gems for us,” the lead dog said, rubbing his paws together in glee.
“No,” Bejeweled flatly refused.
“What?!” the dog snarled, flashing his sharp teeth at the princess.  Bejeweled unflinchingly eyeballed the dog in defiance.
“You heard me, and if you don’t let us go right now, I’ll have my champion tear you all to pieces.”
“Oh, and who is the pretty pony’s champion?”
“Her.”  Bejeweled pointed to Sugar Cane, who let out an unconvincing growl.
The dog took one look at Sugar Cane and blinked a few times.  Then, he doubled over laughing.
“You think I’m kidding?” Bejeweled challenged.
“That puny pony can’t even squash a bug,” the dog continued to laugh, his underlings joining him.
“Then, perhaps a demonstration is in order,” Bejeweled smirked, knowing that they were playing right into her hooves.  “I’ll have my champion do three things.  If you are able to copy any of them, we’ll be your slaves.  If not, you are to release us on our terms.  Deal?”
Bejeweled stuck out her hoof towards the dog who shook it in agreement.  “Deal.”
“The first task is to choose a diamond and crush it to pieces with your bare hooves, err, paws.”  Bejeweled gave Reed the signal, and Reed retrieved what looked to be a colossal diamond from among the rocks.
The dogs gaped at the sheer enormity of the “diamond.”  Reed placed the crystalline mass in front of his sister, and she gave it a good stomp with her front hooves.  As planned, the mass easily broke into much smaller chunks.
The lead dog growled and scanned the cave frantically for a larger diamond.  Unable to find one, he eventually settled on a diamond the size of a dog’s fist that had been left in one of the wagons.  He squeezed and punched.  He punched and squeezed.  He even jumped on it a few times, but try as he might, the large dog couldn’t break the diamond.
“Well, if you think that’s something, you should see her eat it,” said Bejeweled.
“Eat it?  That’s not possible,” the dog cried.
“Is it?”  Bejeweled satisfied smirk only grew wider.
On cue, Sugar Cane picked up the chunks of crystal from the floor, crunching on them one by one until they were all gone.
“Show off,” her brother scoffed.
“What?  I’m hungry,” Sugar snapped.
The dogs’ jaws practically hit the floor after seeing such a small filly seemingly perform the impossible.  Their leader looked at the diamond that was still in his paw and gingerly attempted to bite off a chunk.  He gnawed on it a few more times, each chomp getting progressively more forceful, but he eventually gave up because his teeth were beginning to hurt.
“Alright, pony,” the dog growled.  “Your champion may have beat me twice, but she won’t beat me again.”
“So, you can set things on fire with your mind, too?” Bejeweled deadpanned.
“What?”
“Just watch what she does to this stick.”
Bejeweled handed Sugar Cane the signal flare that she had been saving and nodded.  Sugar took the flare from the princess and lit it, taking care to point the fiery end away from her face and body.  The dogs’ surprised expressions quickly changed to those of pure horror as they fell at Bejeweled’s hooves, begging her for mercy.
“Please spare us,” the dogs groveled.  “We’ll do anything.”
“Here are our terms,” Bejeweled began, holding her head high like the princess she was.  “Firstly, release everypony at once and allow us to return to Marendelle.”
“Done,” agreed the lead dog, still cowering.
“Secondly, we want ten full wagons worth of gems for use as emergency funds.”
“Ugh.  Fine.”
“Thirdly, we want half of all the mines you own.”
“Half?!”
“As a show of good will, you get to choose which half.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Finally,” Bejeweled paused, and her eyes fell on the diamond that the lead dog was still holding.  She grabbed the diamond out of his paw and continued, “We want you to swear your loyalty to whoever possesses this diamond.  Currently, that’s me.”
“If it’s our loyalty you want, you have it.  Just go away.”



“And so,” Love Tap closed, “Princess Bejeweled led her ponies safely out of the jungle and had the diamond fashioned into a pendant that she passed on to her descendants.”
She turned to her granddaughters and said with a smile, “In fact, your father is wearing it right now.”
“Wow,” Snow Pea, Lil, and their cousins gasped in amazement.
“Whatever happened to Reed, Grandma?” asked Little Button.  “Did he and Princess Bejeweled fall in love and get married?”
“Well, yes and no,” Love Tap replied.  “You see, at that time Princess Bejeweled wasn’t interested in romance, but she knew that as heir, she needed to continue the royal line, so she agreed to an arranged marriage.  In time, however, her first husband passed, and she actually did end up falling in love with and marrying Reed.  By then, Bejeweled had already retired, and her granddaughter was ruling as queen.”
“How many other female heirs have there been, Grandma?” Snow Pea asked curiously.
“Well, you would be the fourth.”
“Wait, you mean to tell me that in all Marendelle’s history, only four mares have been in line the throne?” Apple Butter exclaimed.  “What are the odds of that happening?”
“Well,” Snow Pea began, wishing she had a pencil, paper, and maybe one of those fancy counting machines that the university uses.
“Don’t answer that!” Lil snapped.
“Sometimes things just happen the way they do despite the odds,” said Cinnamon.  “I mean, what are the odds that your Grandma Tia would end up having seven daughters?”
“One in 128,” Snowy quickly answered before her sister could stop her.  “Of course, that is if she had our aunts one at a time, but since Aunt Twilight and Aunt Sunset are twins, we’d have to factor in the odds of Grandma Tia having twin girls.”
“Ugh,” groaned Little Button.  “So much math!”
> Scarlet Plume’s Story
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“One day more,” said Cinnamon Swirl to his wife in a sing-songy voice, “and we’ll have our first adventure together.  Excited?”
“A little,” replied Love Tap, “but to be honest, I’m a lot more nervous than I thought I was going to be.”
“Haven’t you always wanted to actually see the places that you’ve only read about?”
“I have, but now, now, it’s not just talk.  Now, it’s the real thing.”
“A lot different than just reading about it, isn’t it?”
Love Tap nodded with uncertainty.
“Well, believe it or not, that’s exactly how I felt the first time I got on a boat.”
Suddenly, the couple was interrupted by a loud, forceful knocking on the front door of their manor.
“Now, who could that be?” asked Cinnamon, getting up to answer the door.
Cinnamon opened the door to the scowling face of his old friend Scarlet Plume.  Incidentally, she was going to be captaining the ship Cinnamon and Love Tap were going to be sailing off in tomorrow.  Behind her, her husband Punch sat in his wheelchair, giving Cinnamon a sheepish smile.
“Hey, Scarlet,” Cinnamon stammered nervously.
“May we come in?” Scarlet practically growled.
“Uh, sure.”
“Scarlet, Punch,” Love Tap greeted enthusiastically, seeing their guests come in.
“Good evening, Love,” Scarlet greeted back as Love Tap got up and approached them.  The two mares finished their greeting with a hug and a friendly peck on each cheek.
“We weren’t expected to see you until tomorrow,” said Love Tap.
“Neither were we,” replied Scarlet before turning to glare at Cinnamon Swirl, “but something came up.”
“Alright,” sighed Cinnamon.  “What did I do this time?”
“Oh, nothing,” sarcasm and annoyance dripped from Scarlet’s voice like water on a torture victim’s forehead, “except tell my husband about the face!”
Cinnamon’s eyes and mouth widened in surprise.  Once he composed himself, he turned to Punch and deadpanned, “You finally used it, didn’t you?”
“And, guess who’s coming with us on our trip tomorrow,” Scarlet continued to rant.
“Honey, I got the breaks on my wheelchair fixed and agreed to wear a lifejacket the whole time I’m on the ship,” Punch countered.  “How bad can this trip turn out to be?”
“Besides,” Punch smirked flirtatiously at his wife.  “You didn’t think I was just going to let you ride away from me on the sails of Destiny, did you?”
Scarlet clamped a hoof over her mouth, and her cheeks puffed out as if she was trying to hold something in.  She took a few deep breaths before removing her hoof and allowing herself to speak.
“As charming as that is, I’m really not in the mood to be romanced right now,” she flatly stated.
“And don’t you mean the ‘winds of destiny’?” Love Tap corrected.
“No, I mean ‘the sails of Destiny’,” said Punch matter-of-factly.
Cinnamon Swirl’s eyes widened in realization before he groaned and put a hoof to his forehead.  “Don’t tell me that’s how you got her to fall for you,” Cinnamon said to Punch.
“Okay, then, I won’t tell you,” Punch replied.
“Wha—? But…HOW?!”



Years earlier at the Marendelle docks, Scarlet Plume was tasked by her friend to keep watch of a blind beggar that he had given food and money to earlier.  Cinnamon had promised to meet up with her later, but in the meantime, he had business with the king.
“Is he gone?” the beggar asked her.
“Who?  Cinnamon?” Scarlet replied.
“Yes.  Now, is he gone?” the beggar repeated urgently.
“Yeah, he’s gone, but why—?”
Scarlet’s question was cut off by the beggar removing his dark glasses and cloak, except that the blind beggar wasn’t a blind beggar at all.  He was actually…
“Mr. Punch?” Scarlet cried incredulously.
“Sorry about the deception, Ms. Scarlet, but I was under orders,” Punch replied.
“I’m so confused.”
“Hello, So Confused.  I’m Punch.  If you see my friend Scarlet Plume, do you mind telling her that I need to tell her something?”
Scarlet could only raise her eyebrow at him quizzically while she sputtered like a fish freshly pulled from the water.
“What? Didn’t get the joke?”
“No, no,” said Scarlet.  “I got the joke.  It’s just that…Do you mind explaining the disguise?”
“The king asked me to dress as a beggar to test Princess Love Tap’s suitors on their willingness to help others,” Punch explained.  “You should have seen how greedy and low some of her suitors are.  The nerve!  Taking advantage of a stallion’s nonexistent blindness like that!”
“But-but the king already gave Cinnamon a test,” pointed out Scarlet.
“Oh, he knows that.  He’s just a little protective of his daughter.  Apparently, he’s been raising her by himself since the mare was five.”
“That,” Scarlet paused before continuing, “actually explains a lot.”
“I have to ask though.  How did Lord Cinnamon Swirl get so close to the princess anyway?”
“Oh, we docked here in the middle of a storm and took shelter at the castle.”
“Ah, so Destiny brought the two of you here then?”
“If you can call it destiny.”
“Oh, I’m sure it was Destiny,” Punch smirked at her as he talked.
“Oh really?” Scarlet challenged.  “And how are you so sure?”
Punch smugly pointed a hoof towards Scarlet’s ship, specifically at the plaque containing the ship’s name.  The plaque read “S.S. Destiny.”  Scarlet’s eyes widened, and in spite of herself, she began chuckling heartily.
“Wow,” she gasped.  “Oh my.”
“What?” asked Punch.
“I just realized that that’s the first time I’ve laughed, really, really laughed since, well, practically forever.”
“You’ve never…” Punch stuttered.  “But…WHY?!”
“Well, it’s kind of hard to laugh when all the jokes you’ve heard have been about you.”
Punch gasped melodramatically and got into a mock boxing stance.  Then, he said in an obviously fake gruff sailor’s voice, “Where’s thee scoundrel who’s been making jokes about ye?  Ye just point and ah’ll give ‘im the ole wax on, wax off.  Me name’s not Punch fer nuthin’.”
Scarlet doubled over in laughter, and when her laughing subsided, she said, gasping every few words or so, “Okay, you, you’ve got to stop making me do that.”
“In all seriousness, though, why would anypony make jokes about you?”
“Well, when I first started learning how to sail, sailors still believed that mares on boats were bad luck, so ponies used to joke about my ‘terrible’ sailing or about some inevitable disaster that will one day befall my ship,” Scarlet sighed, her voice full of hurt and resentment.  “Every now and then, I still hear jokes like that from other sailors.  When ponies aren’t making fun about that, they’re making fun of my friendship with Cinnamon.”
“You know, I’m actually surprised,” Punch replied.  “Why aren’t you and Lord Cinnamon an item?”
Scarlet stared at him with a look that communicated an impending punch to the face.
“I’m not saying that you two should be an item,” Punch raised his hooves defensively.  “It’s just…a lovely, spirited mare such as yourself, a strapping, swashbuckling young stallion such as Lord Cinnamon, spending a lot of time together on a boat for days on end.  It sounds like a setup for a trashy romance novel.”
“Look, I’m not saying that Cinnamon’s a bad choice for a husband,” Scarlet clarified.  “He’d make any mare in Equestria happy, but we’re too much like siblings to find each other attractive.”
“Meaning the two of you annoy the living daylights out of each other whenever you’re not talking about your feelings,” Punch smirked.
Scarlet sighed in melancholy.  “Look, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve got nothing against jokes.  I’m just, just tired of being treated like one.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, you are most definitely, completely not a joke.”
“You really think so?” asked Scarlet, brightening a bit.
“Of course, besides, jokes are supposed to be funny.”
Scarlet giggled for a bit before realization hit her.  “Hey!” she cried.
“What? It’s just a fact,” Punch stated.  “It’s not like your any less amazing or accomplished if you’re not funny.”
“Well, okay, funny guy, I guess since you’re the funny one that makes YOU the joke then, huh?”
“No, being funny makes me a comedian, not a joke, and before you ask, yes, there’s a difference.  Comedians make ponies laugh because they find spreading laughter fulfilling.  Jokes are laughed at just for existing.”
Scarlet smiled, pushing a lock of her brilliant red mane from her face.  Punch smiled back before he suddenly averted his eyes in a rather unprecedented bout of shyness.  The two of them walked back to the castle in silence, uncertain of what to say to each other.  Unbeknownst to them, they had slowly been stepping closer and closer to each other as they walked, and by the time they reached the castle gates, the two of them were close enough to touch hooves if they wanted.
Before they passed through the gates, however, Punch began snickering to himself, attracting Scarlet’s curiosity.
“What?” Scarlet asked.
“You want to know a secret?” Punch replied.
Scarlet raised an eyebrow at him quizzically and pursed her lips in thought.  What kind of secret could Punch possibly want to share with her?  She slowly nodded and turned her ear towards him.  Punch leaned over and whispered into something into her ear.  Something that probably shouldn’t be repeated in the presence of children or respectable company.
Scarlet let loose an uncontrollable guffaw and clutched her sides.  “Oh, sweet Faust, I should not be laughing that,” she managed to squeak out between laughs.
“It’s funny because it’s probably true,” Punch said matter-of-factly.
“Stop!” Scarlet cried as a second wave of laughter rolled out of her.



In the present, Scarlet was once again laughing heartily as she recalled the memory.  Love Tap and Cinnamon Swirl laughed along with her despite not knowing what she found so funny.
“Okay, I was wondering what it was about Punch that you found attractive, but I think I get it now,” said Cinnamon.  “Punch was the first stallion you met who didn’t make you feel like you had a lot to prove.”
“By the way,” Punch added.  “You never did tell me who the sailors who made fun of you were.”
“So many ponies have made fun of me that I don’t think I can possibly remember them all,” Scarlet replied, “but the ones I have never forgotten were my cousins.  They were the worst!”



Many, many years earlier, an eleven-year-old Scarlet Plume lay asleep in her bed, dreaming of sailing out on the open ocean.  The sky was a brilliant yet gentle blue with nary a cloud in sight.  The wind billowed in her sails mightily as the waves lapped against the hull of her ship.  Overhead, gulls were squawking and shrieking.
Suddenly, one of the gulls looked at her in the eye and said, “Scarlet!  Get up!  You’re late!”
Scarlet awoke with a start.  She could hear her mother calling her from downstairs.  Scarlet groaned but dragged herself out of bed and headed down the stairs.
“Hey, Mom, sorry I’m late,” Scarlet greeted.
“Sorry isn’t going to get the cloth woven,” Amber Braid said to her daughter.  “First things first though, Dad needs help making the rope.”
“On it.”
Scarlet trotted over to a workshop where her father Golden Yarn was working on a hoof-powered machine that wound fibers into rope.  Scarlet positioned herself at another rope making machine and got to work as well.  She came from a family of weavers and rope-makers and was expected to follow in their hoofsteps.  She had an uncle on her mother’s side who was a sailor, and she wanted more than anything for him to teach her how to sail, but that was probably not going to happen.  Mares were considered bad luck for boats, and no sailor in his right mind would let one set hoof on his ship.
Scarlet worked as quickly as she could, taking care not to sacrifice quality for speed.  The sooner she was finished, the faster she can sneak away.  When she had finished weaving the last bolt of fabric, she rushed out the door.
“Going out.  Back later.  Bye,” Scarlet hurriedly called as she left, and before anypony could stop her, she was already racing towards the coast.  She stopped when she reached a dinghy that was idly parked at the beach.
“About time you showed up,” her friend Cinnamon Swirl greeted her.
“Like you’ve never showed up late before,” Scarlet retorted.
Cinnamon came from a long line of scribes and royal advisers and was being trained to continue his family’s legacy.  Although he showed great promise in dealing with matters of state, his true passion lay in voyaging.  Cinnamon Swirl wanted more than anything to go off on an adventure, discovering new lands, exploring uncharted waters, and maybe even helping ponies along the way.  Perhaps, Cinnamon and Scarlet were such good friends because they both desired the freedom to follow their own dreams.
Every day, the two of them would meet at the beach, and the two of them would practice sailing using the dinghy and any sailing books Cinnamon found.  Of course, they never actually pushed the boat out into the water.  They could get in big trouble if anything went wrong.  Sometimes, they would even make believe going on all sorts of fantastic adventures.
“And so the two intrepid explorers set off on their epic journey, following the pungent smell of discovery,” Cinnamon narrated as Scarlet adjusted the sails.  “The water was still, too still.  Who knows what kinds of strange beasts and creatures lurk in these unknown waters?  Suddenly—”
THUMP!  Cinnamon was cut off by the sound of something hitting the side of the boat.  Scarlet leaned her head over to investigate.  Something massive landed inches away from her, spraying sand all over her face.  Scarlet recoiled from the spray, sputtering in surprise and disgust.  She looked up and turned her head to the sound of mean-spirited laughter not far from where she and Cinnamon were.
“Don’t you two have anything better to do?!” she screamed at two older colts, her cousins.
“Actually, we do,” said Tidal Wave with his dark brown coat and slick blue mane, “but we kindly decided to take time out of our busy schedules to do you a favor.”
“Yeah,” agreed Rock Cod with his red-brown coat and curly black mane.  “We’re pulling you back into reality.”
“Where mares don’t sail because they make terrible things happen to boats.”
“If she ever takes a boat out to water, the boat would probably sink before it even leaves the coast,” laughed Rock Cod.
“It wouldn’t just sink.  It’d probably spontaneously break into pieces,” Tidal joked back.
“No, wait.  I got it.  The entire hull would disintegrate like wet paper.”
The two colts went on their way, laughing and making even more jokes about what disaster Scarlet will inevitably bring to any boat she dares sail on.  Scarlet growled in anger as she got off the boat, scowling as her cousins’ words rang in her head.  She gave the sand a violent kick before she sat down and stared out into the horizon.
“I've been staring at the edge of the water/Long as I can remember/Never really knowing why,” sang Scarlet, gazing with longing at the ships docked in the harbor.  “I wish I could be the perfect daughter/But I come back to the water/No matter how hard I try”
Scarlet got up and paced crossly back and forth along the shore.  “Every turn I take, every trail I track/Every path I make, every road leads back/To the place I know where I cannot go/Where I long to be”
Cinnamon got up from the boat and put an empathetic hoof on Scarlet’s shoulder.  The wind picked up, causing the waves to crash more loudly and violently along the beach.
Scarlet sang as she thrusted an arm towards the place where the ocean touched the sky, “See the line where the sky meets the sea/It calls me/And no one knows/How far it goes/If the wind in my sail on the sea/Stays behind me/One day, I'll know/If I go, there's just no telling how far I'll go”
Cinnamon Swirl half-pulled, half-pushed her back toward the dinghy where the two of them continued practicing different sailing maneuvers.  Scarlet adjusted the sails while Cinnamon took control of the rudder.  The ropes in her hooves reminded Scarlet of her parents and their expectations for her.
“I know everypony in this kingdom/Seems so happy in this kingdom/Everything is by design,” Scarlet continued, thinking about her parents and their shop.  “I know everypony in this kingdom/Has a role in this kingdom/So maybe I can roll with mine”
Cinnamon rolled his eyes with a despondent sigh.  He knew his friend couldn’t be happy living the rest of her days as a weaver any more than he could be happy being a scribe.  Their hearts were riding the waves all the way past the horizon, and they will never be satisfied with anything less.
“I can weave with pride/I can make ropes strong/I'll be satisfied if I play along,” Scarlet stepped out of the boat and began heading home, but she stopped and turned around just as she was about to leave the beach.  “But the voice inside/Sings a different song/What is wrong with me?”
She suddenly sprinted back to the boat and jumped on, grabbing the mast as she did so.  “See the light as it shines on the sea/It's blinding/But no one knows/How deep it goes/And it seems like it's calling out to me/So come find me/And let me know/What's beyond that line?/Will I cross that line?”
In a moment of total impulsivity, Scarlet got off the boat and pushed it towards the water.  Cinnamon’s eyes widened in shock as he realized what she was doing.
“Uh, Scarlet?” Cinnamon asked, his voice shaking as his eyes darted between his friend and the ocean that they were approaching at an alarming speed.
Scarlet ignored him and kept pushing, using her wings to propel the boat into the water.  “The line where the sky meets the sea/It calls me/And no one knows/How far it goes/If the wind in my sail on the sea/Stays behind me/One day, I'll know/How far I'll GOOOOO!”
Scarlet jumped on to the boat as it hit the water.  She quickly threw on a life jacket, released the sail, and grabbed an oar which she used to paddle the boat farther and farther into the sea.  Cinnamon, on the other hoof, simply clung to the mast disbelievingly taking in his surroundings.
When the boat was a good distance away from the shore.  Scarlet raised the oar into the air defiantly and shouted.  “I am Scarlet Plume of Coltugal.  Aboard my boat, I will sail across the sea.  There’s a million things I haven’t done yet, but JUST. YOU. WAIT!”
“You have officially LOST YOUR MIND!” Cinnamon shouted back, still clinging to the mast.  He groaned as he looked back at the coast, realizing how far away from it the two of them were.
“Come on, you big baby,” Scarlet chided.  “Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted, to go out on a boat in search of adventure?”
“Yeah, on a bigger boat with somepony who actually knows how to sail,” Cinnamon clarified.
“I know how to sail.”
“Scarlet, knowing how to sail because you’ve read the instructions and went through the motions a couple of times is COMPLETELY different from actually being able to do it out in the water.”
“We just need to go one direction then the other a few times and then head back to shore.  We’ll prove to my cousins that I’m not bad luck and convince my uncle to teach me how to sail.”
“It never occurred to you to just ask.  Maybe your uncle isn’t as superstitious as the other sailors are.”
“I’m not taking that chance.”
“Yet, you’re perfectly fine taking this one even though it’s a lot more dangerous.”
Scarlet opened her mouth but then closed it again, silently cursing her friend’s logic.  “Just take care of the rudder.  We’ll be fine.”
At that moment, a strange PLOOOP noise was heard coming from the floor.  Scarlet and Cinnamon looked down and saw that the boat had a small leak that was slowly letting water seep in.
“Well, that’s unfortunate,” Cinnamon deadpanned.
Scarlet panicked for a second, her thoughts vacillating from certain death to certain humiliation.  If she couldn’t fix this, she’d either die or get made fun of for the rest of eternity, and she wasn’t sure which was worse.  She took a deep breath to calm herself and looked around the boat for something to plug the leak with.  All she found was a second life jacket, a bucket, the oar, and a coil of rope.  Okay, the situation obviously called for some creative thinking.  Well, the leak wouldn’t be a problem if she could just keep the boat afloat long enough for them to reach shore.
Thinking fast, Scarlet took off her own life jacket and lashed it together with the other one using the ties.  Then, she cut a few lengths of rope and used them to extend the free ties.  She handed one end to Cinnamon and said, “Hold this.”
Cinnamon did as he was told, wondering what crazy idea his friend thought up this time.  Holding the other end of her long floatation aid, Scarlet jumped off the boat, swam under, and resurfaced up the other side much to her friend’s relief.
“Tie the ends together as tight as you can.  Quick,” Scarlet ordered, handing Cinnamon her end of rope.  Scarlet clambered back on while Cinnamon knotted the two ends together.  The boat was still leaking, but the good news was that it wasn’t sinking anymore.
“That was actually pretty smart,” Cinnamon complimented before he got hit in the face with the bucket.
“You bail.  I row,” Scarlet commanded, taking hold of the oar.
Cinnamon rolled his eyes but began bailing the water out anyway.  Scarlet paddled the boat towards the shore with long even strokes, supplementing her rowing by using her wings to blow wind into their sail.  The two of them managed to make it back to the coast, but instead of landing at the beach, they ended up pulling into the harbor instead.  Who should be waiting for them but the two ponies Scarlet wanted to see the least?
Tidal Wave doubled over in laughter.  “You actually took a boat out into the water!  Ha!  Ha!  And it sprung a leak!”
“Told you mares were bad luck!” Rock Cod snickered.
Scarlet and Cinnamon got off the dinghy, slightly damp but otherwise unharmed.  Scarlet scowled at her still laughing cousins, suppressing the urge to cause them grievous bodily harm.  Cinnamon put a hoof on her shoulder.
“Come on, Scarlet.  Let’s just go,” he huffed, pulling her towards town.
“Hold on just a land-lubbing minute,” called a voice from one of the ships.  Soon after, a stallion with a light seafoam green coat and a red mane and beard swung down from the yardarm on a rope, landing rather spectacularly on the deck.  The stallion quickly jumped off the boat onto the dock and raced towards Scarlet and Cinnamon.
“Hey, Uncle Crimson,” Scarlet muttered in greeting.
“Hey, yerself,” replied Captain Crimson Tide, cheerfully.  “Why the long face?”
“See for yourself.”  Scarlet pointed at the leaky dinghy, still being held afloat by her improvised flotation method.
Captain Crimson studied the vessel carefully before turning to reply to his niece, “I’m no detective, but it seems to me that ye ran into a problem out at sea and used yer wits to keep yerselves afloat.”
“That’s pretty much what happened,” Cinnamon acknowledged.
Despite her uncle’s rather positive interpretation of the events that transpired, Scarlet scowled.  She just threw away her only shot of ever learning how to sail.  Never mind that her uncle had just called her smart.  She was through.  What good is wit when all you are is a disaster waiting to happen?
“Say,” said Crimson Tide.  “How’d ye like me to teach ye how to really sail?”
“What?” Scarlet cried in surprise.
“What?!” her cousins also responded.
“Ye heard me,” Captain Crimson replied.
“But what about—?” Tidal Wave began.
“Oh, stuff and nonsense.  When I was yer age, ponies used to say that red manes were bad luck fer ships, but I didn’t listen.”
“Wait,” Scarlet began, “but what about my parents?”
“Ye let me handle yer parents.  Ye just git here bright and early tomorrow mornin’.”
“Thanks, Uncle.”  Scarlet quickly hugged the captain before she and Cinnamon headed back to town.



Eight years passed, and in that time, Scarlet quickly rose up the ranks of her uncle’s crew.  She was even made first mate, much to her cousins’ jealousy and humiliation.  Despite her progress, her and Cinnamon’s dream of adventure and discovery seemed as far away as ever.  But one day…
“Shut up!” Scarlet cried.
“I’m serious,” Cinnamon replied.  He sighed.  “Do I have to repeat the whole thing again?”
“Yes.  Make sure you use the prince’s exact words this time.”
“Okay.  So, this morning, Prince West Wind comes to see me about something.  He says to me, ‘Cinnamon Swirl, I’m just going to come out and say it.  I would like to commission you to go on a voyage.’  I say, ‘Really?  But why?’  Then, he says, “Well, it would give us a chance to discover new resources and maybe form alliances and trade agreements with new countries.  Besides, my brother and I heard rumors that Great Braytain and Itaily are planning on getting into the voyaging game.  Of course, Stallionavia has been ahead of us for years.  If we want Coltugal to stay on the map, we’ve got to put ourselves out there and make history.’”
“And the prince decided to commission you of all ponies because?”
“It turns out that everypony in the royal court knows about my ‘secret’ dream to go voyaging,” Cinnamon giggled sheepishly.  “I guess, the prince thought he’d give me a shot at going after it.  He’s even giving me a title to go with the commission.  If everything falls into place, ponies are going to be calling me Lord Cinnamon Swirl from now on.”
“Does the prince already have a ship and a crew ready for you, or are you going to have to drum them up yourself?”
“Prince West Wind is taking care of the ship.  I’m going to be taking care of the crew, and guess who my first choice for captain is?” Cinnamon smirked at her hintingly.
“My uncle?”
“No!  You!”
“I was your first choice for captain?”
“Yes!”
“Did you tell anyone else?”
“Just Prince West Wind.”
“I’m sure he gave you the USUAL objections, did he not?” Scarlet spat bitterly.
“Well, not out loud.”
Scarlet scoffed and rolled her eyes, ready to storm away.
“What’s all this about?” asked Captain Crimson, stepping forward to join them.
“Cinnamon Swirl got a voyaging commission from Prince West Wind and is asking me to be captain,” Scarlet answered.
“Did he now?” The captain crossed arms and eyed Cinnamon sternly.
“Umm, yes?” Cinnamon replied nervously.
“Well, then, what are ye waiting for?” Crimson Tide exclaimed, addressing his niece.
“But Uncle, what about—?” Scarlet began.
“If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times.  Stuff and nonsense!  Ye take this opportunity, and ye gonna blow us all away, ye are.”
“And my position as your first mate?”
“Yer cousins have been eyeing it since the first day I gave it to ye.  Yer lucky they didn’t try to ship ye to Prance.”
Scarlet gave a contemplative sigh before turning to her friend.  “Where does Prince West Wind have the ship docked?”



“Well, what do you think?” asked Cinnamon proudly after he and Scarlet got a good look at the ship.
In a cross tone, Scarlet answered, “I’ve checked this miserable ship from stern to stern, and…” She paused, her face softening.  “Prince West Wind really knows how to get a good ship.”
“It’s just missing a name.”
“Let me name it, and I’ll captain this ship to the ends of Equestria.”  Scarlet extended her hoof towards Cinnamon.
“Deal.”  Cinnamon shook it before pointing elsewhere.  “There’s a plaque and a paintbrush over there.  Afterwards, you can nail it on the ship.”
Scarlet made her way to where the plaque was, carefully thinking of a name.  Once she thought of a fitting name, she meticulously painted it on the plaque and proudly nailed it on the ship.
“The S.S. Destiny?” Cinnamon questioned, skeptically.
“Great name, huh?” Scarlet replied, cheerfully oblivious.
“But, why that name in particular?”
“Because I want to go wherever destiny takes me,” Scarlet declared dramatically.
“That’s a terrible pun,” Cinnamon deadpanned.
“Shut up.”



In the present day, Punch gave his wife a knowing look and said, “Okay, now I know that your cousins were definitely—”
“Hey!” Scarlet cut him off, gesturing to Love Tap and Cinnamon Swirl.  “Not in front of the royals!”
“You know it’s true.”
“Stop!” Scarlet squealed before dissolving into laughs.
> A Daring Rescue
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Celestia’s sun shone brightly over the open ocean, and the sky was a brilliant yet gentle blue.  A few clouds dotted the sky like giant, fluffy cotton balls.  Other than the strong wind blustering through the air, it would have been the perfect day for a nice, easy, relaxing boat ride.
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Love Tap screamed, clinging to the railing, as the S.S. Destiny sped through the ocean, its sails catching as much wind as possible.  Next to her, Scarlet was behind the wheel supplementing the wind with a gust from her wings every so often, as if the boat wasn’t already speeding forward fast enough.
“Whoo!” cheered Punch from the other side of Scarlet, his arms waving excitedly in the air.  “It’s more fun when you raise your arms like this!”
“Still think tying your wheelchair to the railing was unnecessary?!” Scarlet said to her husband, shouting joyfully over the wind.
“Totally worth it!”
“Uh, Scarlet likes to go fast,” Cinnamon said to his wife, holding on to her tightly.
“I noticed,” Love Tap replied uneasily.
“Don’t worry about it.  The ride will go a lot smoother once the wind dies down.”
As if on cue, the wind reduced to nothing but a gentle breeze, and the boat slowed to a moderate speed.  Punch groaned in disappointment as he lowered his arms while Scarlet gave Cinnamon an annoyed glare.
“What?” Cinnamon cried, defensively.  “That totally wasn’t my fault.”
“Well, at least, I can move around now,” said Punch, untying his wheelchair from the railing.  Now that they weren’t flying across the water, everypony was free to move around and better take in their surroundings.  However, since they were in the middle of open water, everypony quickly got bored of sightseeing.
“On your right,” narrated Punch disinterestedly, “we have ocean.  On your left, we have more ocean.”
“And this is why, I prefer going fast,” Scarlet muttered.
“You must have had some way of entertaining yourselves back in the day,” pointed Love Tap.  “How about a song?”
Cinnamon’s eyes widened at the suggestion of a song.  He knew a particular one that was sure to provide the four of them with plenty of entertainment.
“We read the wind and the sky when the sun is high/We sail the length of the seas on the ocean breeze,” Cinnamon began to sing.  “At night, we name every star/We know where we are/We know who we are, who we are”
Scarlet quickly realized what her friend was trying to do and sang the next part, “Aue, aue/We set a course to find/A brand new island everywhere we roam”
“Aue, aue,” Cinnamon joined her.  “We keep our island in our mind/And when it's time to find home/We know the way.”
Love Tap and Punch were listening to the song so intently that they didn’t hear the faint lowing coming from behind the boat.  Scarlet and Cinnamon, on the other hand, did and smirked knowingly.
“Aue, aue/We are explorers reading every sign,” the two friends finished.  “We tell the stories of our elders in a never-ending chain/Aue, aue/We keep our island in our mind/And when it’s time to find home/We know the waaaaaayy!”
Right at the last note, a big blue whale came up out of the water close to the boat.  It let out a happy squeal before splashing back down, lightly spraying the deck with water.  Love Tap gasped in awe as she raced to the side of the boat to get a closer look and to her delight, found an entire pod of whales swimming next to the boat.
“Right on cue,” Cinnamon remarked.
“That song attracts whales for some reason.  We don’t know why either,” Scarlet explained to her husband.
“Maybe they just like the sound of your wailing,” Punch ribbed.
Scarlet groaned and put a hoof to her face.  In spite of herself, however, she smiled and giggled at Punch’s joke.
Love Tap could have just stared at the whales for hours.  She had only seen pictures of them in books, and quite honestly, they were much more amazing in real life.  The whales traveled in a fairly large pod and came in a variety of sizes.  The biggest whales were the almost the size of the ship, and a few had accumulated wrinkles and barnacles with age, making them look like weather-beaten wayfarers full of tales of voyages past.  The smallest whales, on the other hoof, had skin as smooth as rubber balls and an energy that rivaled Button’s during his toddler years.  The baby whales were engaged in all manner of play, chasing their pod mates, swimming in circles and zigzags, nudging their mothers affectionately.
Despite the rambunctiousness of their play, the baby whales never strayed far from the safety of their mother’s sides.  Watching them reminded Love Tap of when Button Mash and Featherweight use to play together like that while she and Scarlet would watch over them.  Scarlet used to fuss over Featherweight because he was rather small and delicate for his age, and she often worried that Button would end up breaking him.  Scarlet needn’t have worried.  Whatever her son was made of, he was definitely stronger than several chairs and tea sets that he and Button broke over the course of their foalhood.  Love Tap wondered if her granddaughters were similarly keeping Button and Sweetie on their hooves playing with with their cousins.
“Hey, what’s that?” Punch exclaimed from the other side, interrupting Love Tap’s thoughts.
Love Tap and Cinnamon rushed over to the other side of the ship and peered over the edge.  They could just barely make out a cluster of pink, fan-shaped blobs just underneath the water.  The shapes had an almost effervescent shimmer, and if it wasn’t for the porpoise-like tail, Love Tap would have thought that they were being followed by a group of shiny, pink manta rays.  Suddenly, one of the creatures leapt out of the water, revealing a dolphin-like body with three dorsal fins where the tail met the main body and flippers like giant butterfly wings.
“Whoa!  What luck!” Cinnamon exclaimed.  “Those are marposas.”
“Marposas?” Love Tap replied in astonishment.  “I think I’ve read about those.  They’re incredibly rare, and they only travel in groups like this when they’re heading to the Maribbean to lay their eggs.”
Cinnamon and Love Tap shared a look with each other and knew that they were thinking the exact same thought.
“Captain!” Cinnamon called to Scarlet.
“You want me to follow the marposas to the Maribbean,” Scarlet guessed, smiling knowingly.
“How did you know?” said Love Tap.
“Come on.  An entire pod of rare animals show up next to our boat on a migration path.  It’d be weirder if you didn’t want to follow them.  Punch, are your breaks on?”
“They are now,” Punch replied, giving a lever on his chair a good yank.  “Why?”
Scarlet took a sharp turn in the direction that the marposas were traveling.  Punch lurched forward a little but held himself steady using his arms and the railing.  Love Tap and Cinnamon, on the other hoof, weren’t so fortunate.  The sudden turn caused Love Tap to lose her balance and fall on top of Cinnamon while Cinnamon fell over attempting to catch his wife.  In the end, Cinnamon Swirl ended up flat on his back, and Love Tap ended up on top of him, her face just inches from his.
The two of them, still sprawled on the floor, gave Scarlet an annoyed glare.  Scarlet tried to keep her face as expressionless as possible, but the upturned corners of her mouth and her slightly puffed cheeks quickly gave her away.
“Not funny, Scarlet,” scolded Cinnamon.
“No, it was not funny,” Punch stoically agreed before doubling over in laughter.  “It was hilarious!”
Love Tap gave Cinnamon a look that said, “Looks like being married to Punch has improved Scarlet’s sense of humor a bit.”
The former king and queen of Marendelle untangled themselves from one another and helped each other up while their cohorts continued to giggle and snicker at their awkwardness.



The rest of the trip passed in relative peace as the four of them continued to follow the migrating marine animals.  Finally, they stopped near a deserted island in the middle of the Maribbean Sea.  The island already had tens of marposas resting on the beach with several females each tending to a large glowing purple egg.  The group that the S.S. Destiny had been following scrambled on to the beach to join their pals and began preparing nests themselves.  The ponies anchored their ship a good distance away from the island in order to avoid scaring the magnificent creatures.  After a while, some of the mother marposas left the beach and returned to the sea.
“Where are they going?” asked Punch, watching them from a spyglass.
“They’re probably just going to get something to eat and then come back,” replied Love Tap.  “When it comes to children, they don’t behave like turtles if that’s what you were thinking.”
Scarlet grabbed the spyglass from her husband and held it up to her eye.  What she saw caused her to let out a gasp that would have put Princess Pinkie Pie’s to shame.
“Oh, sweet Faust!” she cried, frantically pointing at the island.  “Look!”
Cinnamon grabbed the spyglass and turned it towards where Scarlet was pointing.  He took a peek and cried out in a way that stirred up happy yet tumultuous feelings and memories in his wife.  He tossed the spyglass to her as he shouted, “Oh, my gosh!  It’s shaking!  One of the eggs is shaking!”
Love Tap squealed.  Through the spyglass, she could see that one of the eggs was indeed shaking.  Not only that, she could also see cracks forming all over it, and the cracks only got longer and wider the more the egg shook.
Suddenly, POP!  A small snout broke through the egg.  POP!  POP!  It was quickly followed by a tail and a flipper.  CRACK!  The rest of the egg broke away, revealing the heart-meltingly cute creature’s body.
“Awww,” Love Tap and Scarlet gushed.
Before their husbands could gush with them however, the newly hatched mariposa began to thrash about the beach, throwing clouds of sand around the nest and squealing in the most pitiable of distress.  The four ponies watched, concern creeping into their previously ecstatic faces.
“What’s going on?” asked Punch.
“I don’t know,” replied Love Tap, “but I think it’s trying to find its mother.”
“Of course,” groaned Cinnamon, facehoofing.  “Baby marposas get distressed whenever they’re separated from their mothers.”
To everyone’s relief, a series of gentle, affectionate clicks, squeaks, and whistles came from beneath the waves.  The baby marposa immediately stopped thrashing and turned towards the sound.  Its mother surfaced from the ocean and scrambled up the beach.  When the mother finally reached the baby, the sweet little hatchling touched noses with her, and the two of them nuzzled one another lovingly.
“Aww,” the mares once again gushed.
“Aww,” their husbands gushed with them.
“This reminds me of how Featherweight used to cry every time we tried to put him down for a nap,” Punch sighed.
“And he wouldn’t stop until he was back in my arms,” Scarlet agreed, also sighing.
“Our first time out in decades, and all we can think about are the children,” Love Tap sighed as well.
“I’m sure they’re having fun with the grandkids.  Besides, they’re all probably just counting the days until we get back so that they can hear about all the fun we had,” Cinnamon added.
“Oh, we are definitely telling them about this,” replied Punch, pulling a camera out of his pack and taking pictures of the marposas.
“Hey, what’s that?” Love Tap saw something move towards the island from the corner of her eye.  She turned her head towards it and pointed.
The four of them quickly realized that the swiftly approaching figure was a ship but couldn’t quite make out the symbol on the flag.  Cinnamon used the spyglass to take a closer look, and his jaw fell to the floor.
“No way,” he gasped, passing the spyglass to Love Tap.
Love Tap looked through the spyglass and saw a gold skull with a single red, jeweled eye on the flag.
“These guys again?!” she cried as she lowered the spyglass.
“I know, right?”  Cinnamon replied.  “I thought they were lost at sea years ago.”
“You know that ship?” Scarlet asked.
“No, but we know the ponies who own it.”
“Those are the rapscallions who kidnapped our son and tried to kill our daughter-in-law,” Love Tap clarified disdainfully.
“What the hay are they doing here?” Punch wondered.
“Nothing good.”
Meanwhile, a group of mother marposas had led their hatchlings off the beach into the ocean for their first swim, oblivious to the danger that was upon them.  The enemy ship sped towards the group, and the ponies on board prepared to lower a large net into the water.
Through the spyglass, Punch saw the net dangling off the side of the ship and cried, “Sweet Faust!  They’re trying to poach the marposas, and I don’t mean the cooking kind, which admittedly is just as bad.”
“Not if we have anything to say about it,” barked Scarlet, getting behind the wheel.  “Cinnamon, Love, tell the crew to raise the anchor and unfurl the sails.  Honey, put your breaks on.”
“Way ahead of you,” Punch replied, as he grabbed the railing.
Love Tap and Cinnamon Swirl rushed below deck, frantically trying to help the crew hoist the anchor while the some of the crew members worked on the sails.  Scarlet sharply turned the S.S. Destiny towards the poachers while Punch searched through his pack for a set of throwing knives, carefully maintaining his balance through the mad dash.
The other ship drew closer to the marposas, and a certain earth pony stallion with a five o’clock shadow smirked sinisterly as the net lowered into the water.  Before anypony could say, “Look out!  Caballeron’s stealing your baby!”, Caballeron and his cronies scooped a baby marposa out of the water and turned tail.  Its mother squealed in terror, chasing the boat and struggling to catch up to it.  Fortunately, the S.S. Destiny was in pursuit and catching up quickly.
“Get us next to them,” Punch cried, finally pulling his throwing knives out of the pack.
Scarlet maneuvered the ship so that Punch was facing the trapped marposa.  With a few gusts from her wings, she managed to get the S.S. Destiny in pace with Caballeron’s ship.
“Hey, Doctor.  Come take a look at this,” one of the henchponies called out, noticing the other ship.
Caballeron looked to where the stallion was pointing, and his eyes widened in recognition.  He didn’t recognize the ship, but he did recognize the symbol on the flag as the Marendelle royal coat of arms.  He definitely recognized the two royals that were on board. 	Caballeron growled in frustration.  Of all the times for his past to catch up with him, it had to be in the middle of his first poaching job.
One by one, Punch took careful aim and threw three knives at Caballeron’s ship, aiming for the ropes on the net.  However, he couldn’t get a clear shot, and the knives hit the hull of the ship with a thwack.
“If we could just get a bit closer, I might be able to slice those ropes,” Punch called.
Scarlet moved the Destiny closer to the other ship.  Punch once again took aim, and the knife flew through the air and cut through the net with a swish.  SWISH!  SWISH!  Two more knives sliced through more ropes, and the baby marposa dove into the water, swimming away as fast as it could.
“Yes!” cheered Love Tap, watching the marposa return to its mother in a happy rush.
“And my parents thought that the knife-throwing apprenticeship at the circus was going to be a total waste of time,” Punch quipped, twirling a knife spectacularly.
“No!” Caballeron cried as his catch got away.  He looked up at the other ship, his eyes burning with the wrath of a thousand volcanic eruptions.  The sight of his enemies rejoicing at his loss made his veins bulge with scalding blood.  Then, the whole world turned red when Punch looked him in the eye and taunted him with a long, lingering raspberry.
In a voice that sounded way too calm for an angry stallion, Caballeron ordered his stallions, “Load the harpoon guns.”
Meanwhile, on board the Destiny, everypony had stopped celebrating and was getting ready to turn back towards the marposas’ island when suddenly, KA-THUD!  Something struck the side of the boat and held fast.  Then, mystery object began pulling the ship away from its intended route.
“What’s happening?” Scarlet shouted as she struggled to steer the boat back on course.
KA-THUD!  KA-THUD!  Two more projectiles struck and latched on to the ship, and the pull became stronger.  Punch and Cinnamon peered over the edge of the ship and saw three huge chain-linked harpoons lodged in the hull.  Not only were the chains pulling the S.S. Destiny towards Caballeron’s ship, but Caballeron and several of his henchponies were making their way towards the Destiny  across the chains, armed to the teeth with all manner of bladed weaponry.
“Punch, get yourself and my wife to safety,” Cinnamon ordered, unsheathing his sword.  “This could get ugly.”
Punch and Love Tap quickly headed below deck.  Under normal circumstances, this would have been impossible for Punch to do, but thankfully, the mares had had enough foresight and diplomacy to acquire and bring along some wheelchair ramps at the last minute.
“Come on.  We’ve got to find where those harpoons are lodged and get ourselves unstuck.”  Love Tap rushed through the hall, checking every compartment on the ship for the source of each breach.  Punch followed suit, a hard task to do when confined to a wheelchair on board a moving ship in the middle of a high seas altercation.  Above them, the repeated clashing of metal on metal further fueled their desperation.
“Found one,” Punch cried.  His eyes widened as he studied the massive harpoon.  It was even bigger now that he was right in front of it.  Love Tap rushed over to where he was and gaped at the weapon as well.
“So,” Punch began awkwardly, “how exactly are we supposed to dislodge these?”
“I have an idea,” Love Tap answered, “but I’m afraid your wife might kill me for it.”
“Well, look at it this way.  Who would you rather get killed by, Scarlet or the thugs that are trying to steal our ship?”
“Good point.”  Love Tap rushed out of the room and came back carrying a pickaxe.  “There’s another pickaxe lying around here somewhere.  We can use them to chip away the wood.”
“Then, the harpoons will end up yanking out the broken wood instead of the whole ship.  That’s brilliant.”
Love Tap got to work on the harpoon while Punch rushed out, quickly finding the second pickaxe.  He found the second harpoon and likewise, began chipping away the wood.  As they both predicted, the weakened wood caused the harpoons to dislodge from the hull, leaving a gaping hole on the side of the ship.  Love Tap finished first and was about to go look for the third harpoon when…
“Where do you think you’re going?” Two of Caballeron’s goons approached Love Tap from her left while another one blocked her off from her right.  All three were brandishing swords.  Love Tap held up her pickaxe in defense, clutching it tightly by the handle.
“Back off, or I’ll use this,” she warned.  Her face and her voice betrayed no fear, but the shaking of her hooves did.
The henchponies laughed.
“You don’t even know how to fight with that,” one thug pointed out.
“I know it’s heavy.”  With a war cry, Love Tap swung the pickaxe at one of the goons before he disarmed her rather unceremoniously.  “Darn it!”
“Your highness, I have successfully dislodged the other harpoon,” Punch announced triumphantly, emerging from one of the rooms.  However, his moment of glory was interrupted by three more thugs dropping down from the roof and surrounding him.
“Umm, you gentlecolts wouldn’t hurt a mare and a guy in a wheelchair, would you?” Punch attempted to negotiate.  His attempt was met by the sound of unsheathing swords and the chill of several sharp blades mere centimeters away from his vital organs.
“That’s cold,” Punch deadpanned.
The goons herded Punch and Love Tap back up to the deck where Cinnamon, Scarlet, and the other members of the crew were also held up by henchponies.  In the middle of this scene, stood Caballeron, grinning sinisterly.
“Your majesties,” Caballeron greeted Cinnamon and Love Tap, bowing low mockingly.  “What a pleasure it is to see you once again!”
“Cut the pleasantries, Caballeron,” snapped Cinnamon Swirl.  “I don’t know what you want with us, but if you don’t let us go, there will be consequences.”
“Major international consequences,” Love Tap added testily.  “Need I remind you that we have connections with Canterlot now?  Furthermore, we also have connections with Strapgart and Coltugal.  So, unless you want four kingdoms worth of punishment on that sorry flank of yours, you’d better release us.”
“Yes, yes, I have considered that,” answered Caballeron, waving his hoof flippantly, “but you see, your majesties, I’m afraid you and your friends owe me a bit of income.  I was going to be handsomely rewarded for delivering the marposa to a collector not far from here, but thanks to the four of you, that will no longer be possible.”
“If you think our son is going to give into your demands, you’re crazy!”
“Am I?  Because I’m sure King Button Mash will indeed give me exactly what I want unless,” Caballeron paused menacingly before continuing, “he has no intention of ever seeing his parents alive again.”
Love Tap and Cinnamon’s pupils shrank as they shared a look, realizing the sheer enormity of the danger that they were in.
“Shackle them and throw them in the brig!” Caballeron ordered.
The henchponies obeyed, quickly chaining their prisoners’ front and back hooves together.
“Are you kidding me?!” Punch shouted, looking incredulously at his recently shackled back hooves.  “I’m in a wheelchair!”



In the time that it took Caballeron and his goons to capture everypony on the S.S. Destiny, he had pulled the ship close enough to his own that he was able to bridge the two vessels using a gangplank.  The henchponies herded their prisoners to Caballeron’s ship and as ordered, locked them in the brig.
From their cell in the brig, Love Tap, Cinnamon Swirl, Punch, and Scarlet could hear Caballeron shout, “Prepare to demolish the ship!”
“WHAT?!” Scarlet screamed, her face going frighteningly pale before suddenly turning the same color as her mane.  She rushed to the door and furiously banged on it with her chained hooves.  “Don’t you dare blow up my ship!  You slimy—WOAH!”
She was about to yell out something unsavory when the sudden pitching of the boat cut her off, causing her and her companions to fall over.
“We’re getting really rusty,” Cinnamon pointed.  “Back in the day, we used to be able to get out of scrapes like this before the bad guys even got a chance to try to destroy the ship.”
“Ugh!” Scarlet grunted like an agitated bull.  “I’m so mad that I could just beat up the first idiot that walks in through that door.”
At that moment, a dark tan Earth pony stallion with a black and gray mane wearing a green shirt and a pith helmet burst into the room announcing, “Congratulations!  You are being rescued.”
Unfortunately, Scarlet made good on her promise before anypony registered what he had said.
“Scarlet, stop!” Love Tap cried, getting between her friend and their supposed rescuer.  “Did you just say that we are being rescued?”
“Yes,” the stallion managed to squeak out, clutching his nose with one hoof and his stomach with the other.  “Please do not resist.  Ow!  Name’s Quibble Pants by the way.”
Once Quibble finished rubbing the soreness away from his bruised body parts, he took out a lockpick from his shirt pocket and unshackled the prisoners.  Then, he helped Cinnamon get Punch back on his wheelchair.
“Umm, sorry about that,” Scarlet sheepishly giggled.  “I thought you were working for Caballeron.”
“Eh,” Quibble shrugged.  “Don’ worry about him.  My wife’s taking care of him.”  He paused.  “Although, she probably could use some help right about now.”
“We better go help her then,” replied Cinnamon.  “Do you know where Caballeron keeps the weapons?”
“Eh, his goons left some lying around the hallway.  I mean, come on.  How stupid can these ponies get?”
“Well, you and Scarlet go take care of the roughhousing.  The three of us will rescue the rest of the crew and take care of the last harpoon that’s still lodged to the ship,” Love Tap took charge.
The group ran out of the cell, splitting up to carry out their respective tasks.  Cinnamon and Scarlet each grabbed a sword from the weapons carelessly scattered in the halls and ran up to the deck.  When they arrived, they found a sand-colored pegasus mare single-hoofedly beating the tar out of Caballeron and his thugs.  She was also clearly tiring, so the two friends jumped in to help her immediately.
Meanwhile, Love Tap, Punch, and Quibble released the other crew members from their cells.  Some of them went above deck to help with the ongoing fight while others went with Love Tap’s group to look for the harpoon guns.
“There they are,” one of the crew members called pointing to a certain room.  Inside, three harpoon guns sat in a row with each barrel pointing out of a porthole.  One harpoon gun had a chain coming out of the barrel while the other two were mounted with harpoons attached to chunks of wood.
“Hey, look the henchies conveniently left a pair bolt cutters and a couple of sledgehammers lying around,” Punch noticed, picking up the bolt cutters.
“Seriously?” Quibble began, watching the scene incredulously.  “You know it really amazes me how Caballeron’s minions somehow reach a brand new level of stupidity every time Dare and I show up to thwart them.  I mean, who leaves a pair of bolt cutters and a few sledgehammers in the same room as the things your enemies can use them on?!”
“Hey, if Caballeron’s goons were smart, they probably wouldn’t be working for him,” Punch quipped.
“Alright, everypony, let’s get the job done,” Love Tap ordered.  “Punch cut the chain that’s still attached to the Destiny.  Everypony else smash the guns with the sledgehammers and make sure Caballeron won’t be able to use them again.”
Everypony did as Love Tap commanded until all that was left of the harpoon guns were three piles of dented and misshapen metal.  After they thoroughly disabled the guns, the group hurried to get back onboard their ship.  When they arrived at the deck however, they found themselves facing an obvious yet previously unanticipated problem.
“So…,” Punch began before rapidly continuing, “How exactly are we supposed to get back on the S.S. Destiny past this incredibly action-packed fight scene involving our spouses, our crew, and the bad guys?”
“I’m not sure,” Love Tap looked around, trying to formulate a good plan, “but if we somehow distract and temporarily incapacitate Caballeron and his minions, we should be able to get back onboard our ship.”
“Well, we’ve already established the Caballeron’s goons are all a bunch of idiots,” Quibble grumbled.  “If we had a distraction weird and amusing enough, they’ll be occupied long enough for all of us to sneak back on the ship.”
“And for good measure, we can drop those down on top of Caballeron and his goons to slow them down,” Love Tap pointed up at the sails.
“Good thinking, but where are we going to find a distraction entertaining enough to hold the mooks’ attention?”
“Way ahead of you,” Punch answered, pulling materials out of his pack.  Before anypony could even blink, he had put on a jester’s hat on his head and a pair of Grouchy Marks glasses on his face.  Then, he pulled out three brightly colored rubber balls of varying weights and sizes and placed them on his lap.
Love Tap and Quibble Pants just stared at him, blinking disbelievingly.  Whatever distraction Punch was planning on pulling off was either going to be mind-bogglingly brilliant or terrifyingly stupid.  However, before either of them could formulate a proper response, Punch had already started wheeling himself into the fray.
Despite his utterly ridiculous accessories and cheerful demeanor, Punch was actually pretty doubtful that his plan was going to work.  His second most invaluable skill during his time as a court jester was his juggling, and the last time that he juggled, he had four working hooves.  This time, he was working with half that many.
“I really hope I can do it,” he sang as he went forward, shoving his fear as far down his throat as he possibly could.  “'Cause they’re all depending on me/I know that I must leave my comfort zone/All on my own/And brave the dangers on the ocean/Saving them before they’re beaten/I mean, how hard can that be?”
Hesitantly, Punch began to juggle the balls, slowly at first before going faster as he got more comfortable.  The differing weights and sizes made the task challenging but not anything he couldn’t handle.
“Looking up at a sunny sky, so shiny and blue/And there's a butterfly/Well, isn’t that a super fantastic sign/It’s gonna be a fantastic day,” Punch continued to sing as he juggled, attracting the attention of a few henchponies.  With both care and confidence, he started juggling with only one hoof while rummaging through his pack for more juggleables with the other.  He pulled out a toy butterfly and a one-way sign and added them to the balls.  “Such marvelousness it’s gonna bring/Got a pocket full of songs that I’m gonna sing/And I’m ready to take on anything”
Punch began to sing louder and perform more complicated tricks.  Soon, he had the attention of everypony on deck except for Caballeron and Daring Do who had failed to notice Punch’s antics in the midst of their single-minded focus on besting their opponent.  Although utterly dumbfounded at the absurdity that he was witnessing, Quibble Pants nevertheless took the opportunity to climb up to the sails and begin setting up his trap.  Love Tap sent two ponies to help him and silently signaled for Cinnamon and the rest of the crew to sneak back on to the Destiny.
“Hey!/I’m not giving up today,” Punch continued as Love Tap, Cinnamon, and most of the crew carefully snuck away.  “There's nothing getting in my way/And if you knock knock me over/I will get back up again”
Love Tap and Cinnamon motioned for Scarlet to follow them, but she firmly shook her head before giving a glance at Punch’s direction.  That single glance told the royals all that they needed to know.  Scarlet was not getting off the ship without her husband.
“Oh!/If something goes a little wrong/Well you can go ahead and bring it on”  Punch’s hoof fumbled as he threw the smallest ball back into the air.  He could tell by the way it was falling that he had thrown it wrong and that he wasn’t going to be able to catch it.  Thinking fast, he caught the ball on his nose and balanced it there at he continued to juggle the other items. “'Cause if you knock knock me over, I will get back up again/Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh, get back up again”
Punch covertly glanced upwards and saw that Quibble and his two helpers had finally reached the sails, but he knew that his job was far from done.  Quibble still needed time to readjust the sails so that they would drop down on Caballeron’s minions.  Punch needed to keep buying him that time or else, they would all end up recaptured.
“I’m marching along I've got confidence/I'm cooler than a pack of peppermints” Punch pulled a toy soldier and a bag of mints from his backpack while he juggled everything else with one hoof, still balancing the small rubber ball on his nose.  “And I haven't been this excited since/I CAN’T REMEMBER WHEN!”
As Punch added the new items to the other juggleables, he fumbled the largest ball, forcing himself to catch and balance it on top of his head.  The sheer stress of his diversion was beginning to pile up on him, causing him to forget the next few lines of his song.
“What if it's all a big mistake?/What if it's more than I can take?” Punch groaned as his jester’s hat became limp with sweat.  “No! I can't think that way 'cause I know/That I’m really, really, really gonna BE! O!-KAY!”
Punch’s indomitable outburst finally caught Caballeron and Daring’s attention.  The two enemies stopped fighting each other and looked in Punch’s direction.  Caballeron recognized him as one of the prisoners that he had locked up earlier and scowled angrily while Daring just raised an eyebrow in confusion.
“Hey!/I’m not giving up today/There's nothing getting in my way,” Punch continued, oblivious to the loud, angry stomps of Caballeron’s approach.  “And if you knock knock me over/I will—”
“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!” Caballeron bellowed, causing Punch to drop everything that he was juggling.  Some of the dropped items struck Caballeron on the face as they fell.
Punch chuckled nervously as he pointed at his face and said, “You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses, would you?”
Caballeron responded by ripping said glasses from Punch's face and slapping him with them.
“Don’t make me ask again,” Caballeron growled, inching his face closer to Punch’s.  “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!”
“You mean, you haven’t figured it out yet?” Punch gave an almost imperceptible glance towards the sails as Caballeron’s scowl deepened.  “I’m distracting you, smart flank!”
“WAIT!” a voice from above shouted, followed by rapidly approaching screaming.
Caballeron’s eyes widened in realization as he looked up just in time to see Quibble Pants swinging towards him while dangling from a recently loosened beam.  Fortunately for Punch, Scarlet wheeled him out of Quibble’s way as soon as she heard Quibble scream.  Caballeron, on the other hoof, wasn’t so fortunate.  Quibble Pants slammed into him, sending him crashing into his henchponies.
Quibble Pants let go of the beam and landed painfully on the deck.  His descent was followed by that of a large sail which draped itself over Caballeron and his goons.
“Quib,” Daring Do cried, running over to her husband, “are you okay?”
“Is there ever going to be an adventure where I don’t get myself hurt?!” Quibble replied melodramatically.
“Yep, he’s fine,” Scarlet snarked.  “Come on.  We’ve got to get back on the Destiny.”
Scarlet pushed Punch towards their ship so hard that he had to grip his armrests to keep from falling out of the wheelchair.  Meanwhile, Daring had helped Quibble up from the floor, and the two of them quickly followed after Punch and Scarlet.  Quibble’s two helpers swung down on some rope, touched down on the deck, and hurried towards the S.S. Destiny as well.
“Cinnamon!” Scarlet called, crossing the gangplank.  “Start unfurling the sails and hoisting the anchor.”
Scarlet, Punch, and the others made it on board the Destiny, skidding to a halt.  Scarlet quickly positioned herself behind the wheel while Punch yanked his breaks into position.  Scarlet frantically steered their ship away from Caballeron’s, filling their sails with the wind from her wings.  The acceleration of their escape was so drastic that everpony on board, except Scarlet, lost their balance and fell over.  Even Punch slid out of his wheelchair and hit the floor.
“Okay, when we reach civilization, I am definitely getting seatbelts installed on this thing,” Punch griped in annoyance as Cinnamon helped him back on his wheelchair.
“While we’re at it, we’re going to need to fix those holes you and Love Tap inflicted on my ship,” Scarlet griped back.
“Thanks for helping us by the way,” Love Tap addressed Daring and Quibble.
“Your welcome,” replied Daring.  “So, I’m guessing you’re Love Tap.”
Love nodded.
“That’s weird.  You have the same name as the former queen of Marendelle, and you look like you’d be about the same age, too,” blathered Quibble before realizing that he had just brought up the forbidden conversation topic.  “Eh, no offense.”
“None taken.”
“And she is the former queen of Marendelle,” Scarlet butted in.
Hearing Scarlet’s statement, Daring Do’s ears stood at attention as her eyes scanned her surroundings and her new companions.
“But that would mean,” Daring began with a gasp before trailing off.  Then, she let out an uncharacteristically high-pitched squeal that would have rivaled Princess Rarity’s.
“Quib!” she cried.  “Do you have any idea where we are?!”
“A boat in the middle of the ocean?” her husband replied hesitantly.
“A boat in the—?  No!  This isn’t just any boat.  This is the S.S Destiny, THE S.S. Destiny!”  Daring glomped the railing and began rubbing it with a weird mixture of awe and affection.
“Hey!  Quit rubbing the wood!” Scarlet shouted.  “I just had it lacquered!”
“I know what the ship’s name is.  The red-haired mare said it while we were escaping,” Quibble deadpanned.  “I also read the plaque conveniently nailed to the ship.”
“This ship belonged to Captain Scarlet Plume and Lord Cinnamon Swirl the Adventurer, and they’re standing right there,” Daring Do fangirled, pointing excitedly at Scarlet and Cinnamon.
“Well, it seems like our reputation still precedes us even after all these years,” Cinnamon smugly beamed.
“Um, I’m sorry, but who?” Quibble raised an eyebrow quizzically.
Daring Do let out a gasp so dramatic that Princess Pinkie Pie started vibrating all the way in the Everfree Kingdom.  “They were the two ponies who first inspired me to become an adventurer.  Any adventurer worth their salt knows who Captain Plume and Lord Cinnamon are?  How do you not know?!”
Quibble paused, an utterly dumbfounded look plastered all over his face.  “Because I’m not an adventurer.  I’m a puzzle geek who just so happened to end up getting married to one thanks to a series of unforeseeable circumstances.”
“Well, puzzle geek, allow me to educate you on who our new friends are,” his wife sassed in reply.  “Captain Plume and Lord Cinnamon were the first voyagers commissioned by Prince West Wind the Navigator of Coltugal.  They were asked to bring back something worthy of putting Coltugal on the map, whether it be treasure, resources, political alliances, or new knowledge, and out of all the voyagers commissioned by the prince, they were the most successful and the most famous.  After they had filled several commissions for him, Prince West Wind gave them the S.S. Destiny as gift along with permission to go on whatever adventures they pleased.  Eventually, the two of them retired in Marendelle to start families of their own, and Lord Cinnamon Swirl married into the royal family and became King Cinnamon Swirl.”
“Then, I retired from doing that,” Cinnamon added, grinning cheekily.
“Wait a minute,” Daring hesitated, her eyes and mouth widening as realization set it.  Then, she let out a squeal so loud that everypony within 500 yards had to flatten their ears against their head.  “I just rescued my biggest heroes from my second worst nemesis.  THIS IS THE SECOND BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!”
With a shout, Daring Do launched herself in the air and began doing aerial backflips in celebration.  Her husband looked from her to their new friends with a hilariously confused look on his face.
“This is a whole new experience for me.  Usually, she’s the one getting fangirled over.”
> The Cursed Temple, Part 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

          The S.S. Destiny sat in a shipyard at a small coastal town by the Yocatlan Jungle.  Normally, the shipyard would be bustling with activity as shipbuilders busily repaired and assembled all kinds of sailing vessels, but today, the only sound to be heard there was that of a certain red-haired mare arguing with the shipyard’s owner. 
          “What do you mean we’re stuck here for two days?!” Scarlet shouted. 
          “I’m sorry, but the yard is low on building materials, and we won’t be getting another shipment for two days, so unless you want to keep sailing with two gaping holes and a lodged harpoon in your hull, you’re going to have to wait,” the shipyard owner said. 
          Scarlet groaned, putting a hoof to her face.  Then, reluctantly, she nodded. 
          “By the way, keeping your ship here for that long isn’t going to be free,” the owner gruffly continued, holding out his hoof. 
          Scarlet once again groaned, louder this time, and slapped both front hooves to her face.  Then, she grumpily rummaged through her saddlebag for some bits.  Having two gaping holes on the side of the ship could potentially cause problems later on that she’d rather not deal with.  Scarlet finally found a bag of bits and hoofed them over to the shipyard owner with a huff before returning onboard the ship. 
          “Well?” asked her husband who had been waiting for her on the ship along with their friends. 
          “Well, looks like we’re not going anywhere for at least two days,” grumbled Scarlet. 
          “Hey, since we’re already here, maybe we can use those two days to do a little sightseeing,” suggested Love Tap.  “Daring, Quibble, would you care to join us?” 
          “I don’t know,” Quibble Pants replied.  “Dare and I are still waiting to hear word about Caballeron’s next harebrained scheme to quote ‘retire from archeology in splendor’ unquote.” 
          “Maybe the two of you won’t mind looking after the ship while you wait then,” said Scarlet. 
          Daring Do suppressed the urge to gasp, squeal, and totally make a fool of herself and said, “It would be an honor, Captain Plume.” 
          “We’ll be back by noon,” said Cinnamon, getting off the ship with his wife.  “We’ll bring lunch if we find anything good.” 
          “Wait!” Daring cried before sheepishly holding out her trademark pith helmet.  “Umm, before you and the captain go, would you mind, well, signing my helmet?” 
          “If the ship is still here undamaged when we get back, then yeah, why not?” Scarlet dismissed while carefully pushing Punch’s wheelchair down the gangplank to solid land. 
          As soon as the two older couples were out of earshot, Daring squealed and enveloped her husband in a hug that even a fully grown bear would have found too tight. 
          “This is soooooo awesome,” she gushed, still crushing her husband.  “I can’t believe that I’m being asked to watch the S.S. Destiny for four whole hours!” 
          Then, she suddenly released him, her eyes widening as she gasped, “I’m going to be watching the S.S. Destiny for four whole hours.  Oh my gosh, I cannot screw this up!” 
          “This is going to be the longest four hours of my life,” Quibble groaned, massaging his temples. 



          Meanwhile, the others had ventured to a nearby marketplace, and unlike the shipyard, it was practically brimming with activity.  Numerous stalls lined the streets selling all sorts of goods.  One group of stalls sold an assortment of delicious-smelling street food, another group sold various hoofmade toys and trinkets, and still others sold array after array of crafts and artwork, each stunningly beautiful. 
          “Let’s split up and then meet up by the food stalls in two hours.  That way, we’ll cover more ground,” suggested Cinnamon. 
          “What’s the rush?” Love Tap pointed out.  “We’re sightseeing, not treasure hunting.” 
          “Still, we do only have a short amount of time to take it all in,” her husband countered. 
          Love Tap rolled her eyes but didn’t object.  “Come on.  Let’s see if we can find a souvenir for the girls,” she said, pulling her husband towards a stall selling rag dolls. 
          “Remember food stalls in two hours,” Cinnamon called out as he got dragged away. 
          “Hey, Scarlet, let’s check out those masks over there,” Punch wheeled himself towards a stall that sold colorful masks, some made of wood and others made of clay.  Punch pointed one with a blue face, a red and yellow beak, and rainbow feathers sticking out of the sides. 
          “Check that one out,” Punch chuckled. 
          “It would look great as part of Nightmare Night costume,” Scarlet agreed. 
          “Quick, try it on.”  Punch rummaged through his pack for his camera. 
          “Me?” 
          “Yes.” 
          Scarlet carefully took down the mask and held it up in front of her face as Punch positioned himself and the camera. 
          “Don’t make me look ugly,” flirted Scarlet. 
          “Oh, honey, you couldn’t look ugly even if I had you try on the pig mask with the tusks,” Punch joked back.  “By the way, guess what you’re trying on next.” 
          Scarlet let out what could only be accurately described as a groan mixed with a giggle and posed for her husband.  While Punch was taking the picture, she looked past him and saw a group of stallions enter a tavern led by a stallion with a gold skull cutie mark. 
          “Punch, stop taking pictures,” said Scarlet, putting the bird mask back in the stall.  “We have a situation.” 
          “Say what?” Punch flatly replied. 
          “I just saw Caballeron walk into that tavern,” Scarlet pointed.  “If we’re careful, we could spy on him and find out what his next move is.” 
          “I’ve got just the thing.”  Punch reached into his pack and pulled out a familiar-looking cloak, a pair of dark glasses, and a crutch.  “Brings back memories, doesn’t it?” 
          Scarlet was about to ask her husband why he felt the need to pack such a seemingly unnecessary disguise but decided that the two of them had other priorities at the moment. 
          “There’s just one problem,” Scarlet explained.  “The last time you wore that thing, you were able to walk, and nopony else in this part of the world uses a wheelchair.  The moment you roll in there, Caballeron’s going to get suspicious.” 
          “Which is why you’re going to be the one wearing the disguise.”  Punch once again reached into his pack and pulled out a gray wig and a brown eyeliner pencil. 
          “Me?” Scarlet cried. 
          “Yes, you.  Now, hold still while I draw some wrinkles on you.  Don’t worry.  I won’t make you look ugly, just old.” 
          “Wait.  Hold on.  If I’m going to be doing the spying, then what are you going to do?” Scarlet exclaimed as her husband drew wrinkles on her face. 
          “Simple.  I’m going to find Cinnamon and Love Tap, notify them about the present situation, get them disguised, and send them over to you.  Afterwards, I’m going to buy us some lunch and head back to the ship to tell Daring and Quibble.” 
          “You packed disguises for all four of us in there?” Scarlet asked, pointing at Punch’s pack, her face wrinkling for real in confusion.  “And more importantly, how were you able to fit so much stuff in there?” 
          “A friend of mine from the circus got this pack for me a few years back.  Said he got it from an up and coming joke shop in Canterlot.” 
          Punch gently tucked Scarlet’s vibrant locks under the drab wig and lovingly draped the cloak over her shoulders.  Despite knowing how capable she was, Punch couldn’t help but feel incredibly uneasy about sending his wife into a bad guy bar to spy on a notorious treasure thief and attempted murderer.  Scarlet added the last touches of her disguise herself, putting the crutch under her arm and the glasses on her face. 
          Scarlet asked, “Well, how do I look?” 
          “Old and harmless,” Punch replied. 
          From behind the glasses, Scarlet rolled her eyes before taking a breath and getting into character.  She hobbled her way towards the tavern as convincingly as she could, but Punch held a hoof out to stop her. 
          “You forgot something,” said Punch, quickly giving his wife a kiss on the cheek.  “For luck.” 
          Scarlet blushed underneath her fake wrinkles as she and her husband momentarily went their separate ways.  When she entered the tavern, she had to fight the urge to spew the contents of her stomach out of her mouth.  The malodorous fumes of the bar were so strong that she could have sworn that she just smelled the color brown.  Eventually, Scarlet won the battle between herself and her gag reflex and began to scan the premises for Caballeron.  She had to keep her scanning as subtle as possible.  She was supposed to be an old, blind lady for crying out loud. 
          Finally, Scarlet spotted them in a booth near the back.  She staggered over to where they were sitting and stumbled into the booth next to them.  The barmaid noticed her seating herself and went over to her booth. 
          “Doña, I don’t mean to be rude, but what are you doing at a place like this?” the barmaid asked. 
          Using her best vocal imitation of a cranky old mare, Scarlet griped, “Look at me.  I am so elderly and infirm, and the weather is SO HOT!  I just came inside for some shade and maybe some cold water, and what do I get?  Some disrespectful, little brat wanting to kick me out, that’s what!” 
          “Okay, okay, you can stay here to rest a little while.  Just don’t bother the other patrons, sí?”  The barmaid conceded, gently pushing Scarlet back into her seat.  “I’ll go get you your water.” 
          When the barmaid had left the booth, Scarlet perked her ears up and turned them towards the booth next to her.  For a group of stallions who were probably planning a crime, Cabelleron and his cronies were talking pretty loudly, so loudly that Scarlet could have easily eavesdropped on them from the far side of her booth. 



          Meanwhile, outside of the tavern, a mustached stallion with a curly black mane and a rapier and a dark-haired mare stood waiting near the door.  The stallion was dressed in an ivory blouse with a brown vest, brown pants, and boots.  The mare wore a flowing red dress with a pink trim, a white underskirt, and a gold belt.  She had a fan tucked into her belt, and small orange flowers adorned her hair. 
          “I hope Scarlet finishes spying on Caballeron soon,” Love Tap said to Cinnamon Swirl, resisting the urge to yank off her “mane”.  “This wig is getting really itchy.” 
          “You should try wearing mine,” huffed Cinnamon.  “I mean, when was the last time Punch washed this thing?  On the bright side, this moustache is muy guapo if I do say so myself.” 
          His wife could only stare at him quizzically. 
          “It means—,” Cinnamon began. 
          “I know what it means,” Love Tap retorted with an eye roll. 
          Not much later, the two of them heard hoofsteps approaching the door and tensed in alarm. 
          “Quick, act natural,” Cinnamon gasped, stiffly draping himself on the nearby wall while Love Tap pulled out and snapped open the fan, awkwardly covering her face with it.  Thankfully, the only pony approaching the door was an elderly blind mare. 
          “Psst,” Cinnamon called, tapping the mare on the shoulder.  “Did you find anything?” 
          The mare turned to face him and said, “I’ll tell you when we get back to the ship.”  She paused and added, “By the way, that’s one tacky ‘stache.” 



          After the three of them returned to the S.S. Destiny and took off their disguises, Scarlet shared what she had learned with the rest of the group over a lunch of beans and tamales. 
          “They said something about getting a huge shipment of dynamite and using it on a temple hidden in the jungle nearby,” Scarlet recounted before turning to scold Cinnamon.  “Will you take that off already?  I’m telling you.  It doesn’t make you more guapo.” 
          Cinnamon ignored Scarlet’s protests and said, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but excessive use of explosives doesn’t sound like Caballeron’s usual modus operandi.”  He gave his fake moustache two long, appreciative strokes while his wife rolled her eyes yet again. 
          “Whatever treasure he’s after must be indescribably valuable enough that he’s willing to risk possibly destroying a portion of the plunder,” reasoned Quibble, “but what could possibly be out here that would be worth that much?” 
          “Nothing,” scoffed Daring.  Then, her eyes widened as she remembered.  “Except...”  She trailed off and then gasped.  “No, he wouldn’t.” 
          “Wouldn’t what?” inquired Love Tap, noting the worry in Daring Do’s voice. 
          “Your Highness, Captain,” Daring addressed Cinnamon and Scarlet with a nervous chuckle.  “I don’t mean to insult your years of wisdom and experience in the adventuring business, but the two of you wouldn’t happen to know anything about a place known as the Temple of Olmec, wouldn’t you?” 
          “Of course, we have,” bragged Cinnamon.  “It’s rumored to have the loot of a thousand lands, but it’s history is so dark only a complete idiot with a death wish would dare to actually look for it.”  His jaw dropped as realization struck him like a slap from an angry mare.  “Oh Faust no!  That’s the temple he’s looking for, isn’t it?” 
          “Wait.  I think I’ve read about that place before,” added Love Tap.  “It wouldn’t by any chance be associated with a king known as Olmec the Cunning or, as his enemies called him, Olmec the Greedy or Olmec the Ruthless, wouldn’t it?” 
          “That’s the one,” Daring answered flatly. 
          Punch looked at everypony with a blank stare before blinking a few times.  Then, he said, “I’m sorry, but I have no idea who or what you are talking about.  Who the hay is Olmec the Cunningly Ruthless and Greedy, and what’s so terrible about a temple named after him that has the three greatest adventurers known to ponykind utterly terrified?” 
          “Well, a long, long, long time ago, the Yocatlan Jungle was home to a powerful empire ruled by King Olmec,” Love Tap began.  “Now, Olmec was famous for two things.  One was his brilliant strategic mind.  That’s how he became known as Olmec the Cunning.” 
          “He became known as Olmec the Greedy for his love of exotic treasures, which he would steal from anyone and everyone passing through his empire,” Cinnamon continued.  “He earned the name Olmec the Ruthless because very few souls who encountered him were lucky enough to live to tell the tale.” 
          “One day, the empire just vanished without a trace and a thick jungle grew in place of what was once the heart of the empire,” Scarlet finished. 
          “Wait a minute,” huffed Quibble Pants.  “How in Equestria does an entire empire just vanish?” 
          “No one knows,” added Daring, “but legends say that Olmec may have dabbled in dark magic in order to keep anyone from getting their hooves on his treasure and that the empire disappeared because of it.” 
          “Legends also say that Olmec stored all his treasure in an elaborate temple that is still hidden somewhere in the jungle and that the temple is protected by a curse,” said Love Tap. 
          “I don’t know if the legends are true or not, but I do know that no one who has gone looking for that temple, good, evil, or indifferent, has ever returned,” Scarlet added.  “Not even the search parties who went looking for the missing adventurers came back.” 
          “Which is why we repeatedly turned down the every commission asking us to look for that place,” Cinnamon explained. 
          “Wow,” replied Quibble.  “That place has got to be bad news if not even the two of you and Dare are willing to go after it.” 
          “In our defense, it’s kind of hard to argue with several hundred years’ worth of missing ponies,” Daring retorted. 
          “So, Caballeron’s plan is to basically destroy the temple along with any dark magic protecting it and then sift through the wreckage for any treasure that might have survived,” Love Tap deduced. 
          “And if he succeeds, he’ll destroy thousands of years’ worth of ancient history, sell whatever survives on the black market, and retire in splendor,” Daring further explained.  “If he fails, he’s a goner plain and simple.” 
          “Here’s a crazy idea,” Quibble interjected.  “Why don’t we just let him go through with his plan just this once?” 
          “What?!” his wife cried. 
          “Think about it,” Quibble continued.  “If he succeeds, he’ll end up destroying a cursed temple that everypony would be better off without, and he’ll retire and be out of our hair for good.  If he fails, he’ll definitely be out of our hair for good.” 
          Daring Do merely stared down her husband.  Quibble Pants stared back.  Finally, after several tense seconds, Quibble cried out, throwing his hooves in the air, “AUGH!  We’re going to have to do the right thing, aren’t we?” 
          “Maybe Scarlet and I should come with you,” Cinnamon suggested.  “I mean, four ponies have a better chance of stopping Caballeron than two.” 
          “Actually,” Scarlet faltered, “I’m going to have to sit this out.  I want to stay and keep an eye on the Destiny, especially with the kind of damage that she’s got.” 
          “Maybe I should go with you,” Love Tap offered. 
          “Love, are you sure?” Cinnamon asked hesitantly.  “I mean, this could be dangerous and a little, eh, A LOT out of your comfort zone.” 
          “We’re just going to be talking him out of going after the Temple of Olmec, right?  I mean, how bad can it end up?” 
          “Umm, Love Tap, I don’t mean to put a damper on your enthusiasm, but plans tend to go astray in the middle of an adventure.  Meaning you’re either going to need a backup plan ready or the ability to make one up on the fly,” Scarlet butted in. 
          “In other words, adventuring is a lot like running a kingdom then?” 
          “Well, actually, if you put it that way, yes,” Cinnamon conceded, “but dear, you’re terrible at coming up with plans on the fly.” 
          “I know that.  That’s why I have you.” 
          Cinnamon put a hoof to his face and groaned, thoroughly out-argued.  “Fine.  You can come.  Just stay close to us, please.” 
          “Noted,” said Love with a nod.  “By the way, honey, you’ve got something on your face.” 
          “What?” 
          Love grabbed hold of his mustache and smugly yanked it off.  “Got it.”
> The Cursed Temple, Part 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

          Early the next morning, Daring, Quibble, and the two royals made their way through the dense underbrush of the Yocatlan Jungle.  Everypony was apprehensive yet determined.  If any of them felt any fear at all, they hid it well, except for a certain earth pony stallion who was expressing his worry rather vocally. 
          “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” squealed Quibble Pants. 
          “Quib, you know I love you, but we’re not turning back no matter how many times you say that,” his wife snapped. 
          “Would you like to know the probability of us ending up just like all the other explorers that went looking for the Temple of Olmec?” 
          “Never tell me the odds.” 
          “It’s high,” Quibble blurted out anyway, earning him a stern glare from his wife.  “It’s very high.” 
          “How will we even know we’re getting close?” asked Love Tap. 
          Suddenly, Daring Do stopped, causing the rest of the group to stop with her.  They saw in front of them a trail made up of cut underbrush, pony tracks, and skid marks.  Next to the trail was a pony skull mounted on a pole. 
          Sensing the group’s presence, the skull’s eye sockets glowed with a sickly green light as an identically colored mist billowed forth from its open mouth.  Then, it spoke, with an ominous moan saying, “Dead mares tell no tales.  Dead mares tell no tales” before falling deathly silent. 
          Quibble looked from the skull to the trail and back again before saying, “Did Caballeron take stupid pills this morning?” 
          “We better hurry and catch up to him before it’s too late,” Daring stated, running down the trail, Cinnamon and Love Tap following suit. 
          “We just got a cryptic warning from a skull.  A skull!” Quibble cried, lagging a bit behind. 
          When the group reached the end of the trail, they found Caballeron and his stallions by some rafts near what looked like a moat of sorts.  The stallions were loading crates of dynamite onto one raft and attaching it to another raft, which was presumably going to be used to carry the ponies across.  Caballeron and his henchponies had their backs turned from the trail, so they didn’t notice the group’s arrival. 
          Love Tap stepped forward and, with a voice that could have intimidated entire armies of warhorses, commanded the villains, “Go no further!” 
          Caballeron and his stallions stopped and turned towards them, many of them still quaking from the forcefulness of Love Tap’s order. 
          “Why, your majesties, Daring Do, and whoever you are,” Caballeron greeted, causing Quibble’s annoyed scowl to deepen.  “I was under the impression that I had gone somewhere that not even you would dare venture.” 
          “Then why come here in the first place?!” Quibble practically screamed, his barely contained exasperation showing more with each word.  “Rumors of dark magic, thousands of years’ worth of missing ponies, and a talking skull warning you about impending death not enough for you?” 
          “You’re not actually foolish enough to believe that roughly 50 crates of dynamite are going to be able to protect you from whatever dark magic this place has, aren’t you?” Cinnamon Swirl scoffed. 
          “We’ll see about that,” Caballeron declared, pulling a vial from one of his pockets and throwing it at the group’s direction.  The vial shattered as it hit the ground, releasing a red fog that quickly enveloped every pony. 
          Daring, Quibble, and the royals coughed violently as they waved their hooves, trying to fan the smoke away.  When the haze finally cleared, Caballeron was already almost halfway across the moat. 
          “If we’re smart, we won’t follow them,” Quibble quipped.  Daring responded with a stern look. 
          “What?” Quibble whined.  “It’s not like he’s in any IMMEDIATE danger.” 
          No sooner had Quibble uttered those words when the royals saw what looked like sapphire torpedoes zip through the water towards Caballeron and his stallions.  One of them leapt out of the water and bit the rope connecting the dynamite raft to the passenger raft, its knife-like teeth slicing through the rope as if it was nothing but a strand of cotton candy.  Before Caballeron could even react to having his trump card snatched out from under him, the rafts were surrounded by the frightful creatures.  Most of them were tearing the rafts apart bit by bit with their teeth, and a few of them were leaping out of the water, trying to get a bite out of the ponies themselves.  The villain and his henchponies screamed in terror and thrashed about in a wild panic. 
          “What sorcery is this?!” Caballeron squealed in an embarrassingly girlish manner. 
          “Me and my big mouth,” Quibble groaned. 
          Meanwhile, Love Tap began looking through her saddlebag for something to distract the strange creatures with. 
          “Uh, Love,” Cinnamon pointed out.  “I’m no expert, but I think those are barracudas, and last time I checked, barracudas are carnivores.” 
          “Meaning none of our food is going to be able to distract them,” Love Tap sighed, giving up the search in frustration. 
          Daring scanned the shore and saw four other rafts parked on the sand bank. 
          “Get on,” Daring urged, hopping onto the one of the rafts. 
          “You have got to be joking,” her husband deadpanned. 
          Screams of “Help!” and “I want to live!” rose from the raft drifting in the middle of the moat.  Love Tap and Cinnamon looked to each other and then to Daring, then to Quibble, and back to each other again.  They nodded once firmly, and the former queen climbed onto the raft next to Daring while her husband began to push it towards the water. 
          “Hey!  Wait for me!” Quibble called, rushing over to help Cinnamon push. 
          The stallions jumped onto the raft as it hit the water while Daring began to paddle towards the villains in distress and the battery of barracudas surrounding them. 
          When the intrepid adventurers and their respective spouses got close enough, Daring began to slap the water, yelling, “Hey, ‘cudas!  Come and get it!”  
          The barracudas stopped attacking Caballeron’s rafts for maybe half a second before they turned and sped towards Daring’s splashing. 
          “Umm, I think we got their attention,” Quibble whimpered.  “Now what?” 
          “Now,” Cinnamon replied, picking up one of the extra oars, “we get slap happy.”  He saw a barracuda approaching, jaws open, and with a mighty WHACK struck it square on the head.  Disoriented, the monstrous fish shook itself and swam away while Cinnamon continued to defend the raft against its brethren.  Daring began to do the same with her own oar. 
          Meanwhile, Love Tap shouted at Caballeron and his stallions, “Quick!  Turn back while you still can!” 
          Caballeron looked at the group of heroes, eyes wide in confusion and surprise.  Then, he looked towards the empty shore, smirked deviously, and ordered his henchponies to paddle towards it. 
          Quibble saw this and screamed “That ungrateful—!” 
          “DUCK!”  Love yelled, grabbing an oar and raising it high.  A barracuda leapt out of the water, its gaping maw making a beeline for Quibble’s head.  Quibble ducked as Love swung the oar, sending the demon fish flying a good distance before it landed back in the water with a splash. 
          “Wait.  Hold on,” Quibble paused in realization.  “What are barracudas doing in fresh water?  And, why in Equestria are they blue?” 
          “If I had to take a guess,” Love Tap grunted, sending another few fish flying, “they’re probably from Olmec’s dark magic experiments.” 
          “Well, good news is fewer of these things are attacking us now,” Cinnamon noted as he began to use his oar for its intended purpose, “which means we can go forward.” 
          “What?!” Quibble cried.  “Are we really doing this?  Please tell me we’re not still going after Dr. Terrible Accent.” 
          “I would,” his wife replied, “but that’d be lying.” 
          Quibble groaned miserably but began to help Cinnamon row anyway. 
          “Hey, if it makes you feel any better, Quib,” Daring continued, “the moment we find him I’ll hold him down, and you can punch.” 



          Soon enough, the four of them reached shore and once again began to trek deeper into the jungle.  Eventually, they managed to reach a clearing, and standing impressively in the middle of that clearing was none other than… 
          “The Temple of Olmec,” Daring gasped, gaping at the massive structure in front of her.” 
          Quibble let out a whistle.  “You know, if I didn’t know it was cursed, I’d call it an amazing feat of ancient architecture.” 
          “Hey, look,” Cinnamon pointed at a trail of muddled hoofprints leading from the jungle to the door of the temple.  Next to the door stood an enormous stone statue of a pony head wearing an ancient tribal headdress. 
          “Oh, great,” griped Quibble Pants.  “They’re already inside.” 
          “How are we going to stop Caballeron without setting hoof in the temple and getting cursed ourselves?” asked Love Tap. 
          However, before anypony could answer, the stone pony head emitted a deep, rumbling groan, causing the ground to shake.  Its eyes flashed a menacing ruby color, and its mouth creaked open as it began to speak. 
          “Welcome to the Hidden Temple,” the stone head announced suddenly, causing Quibble to yelp in surprise.  “I am King Olmec.  Enter if you dare for untold riches await you in the Treasure Room.  Race through the temple and find the Pendant of Life for it and it alone will open the room.  You have until the next sunrise to find the pendant and open the Treasure Room.  If not, you will be cursed to turn to dust.  The choices are yours and yours alone.  Good luck.” 
          The giant head fell silent, and its eyes stopped glowing.  The four ponies looked to each other in confusion, unable to say anything.  Finally, Cinnamon Swirl stepped forward and approached the statue. 
          “Umm, look, we’re not here for your treasure,” Cinnamon began.  “Could you just, I don’t know, give us the earth pony stallion with the accent and five o’clock shadow and his henchponies?  It’s kind of important that we apprehend him.  I’ll tell you what.  If you hoof him over, then we’ll just be on our way, and you can keep your treasure to yourself.  What do you say to that?” 
          The statue’s eyes glowed once more, and it let out a groan as the doors of the temple slid open. 
          “Umm, is that a yes?” asked Quibble Pants. 
          “I don’t think so,” Love Tap squeaked, turning around and pointing back towards the jungle.  Out from the shadows of the trees, several tribal warriors emerged, their faces heavily decorated with war paint. 
          The giant stone head yelled something in a strange language that caused Daring’s eyes to widen.  The tribal ponies let out a war cry and began to charge towards them. 
          “Go!  Go!” Daring cried, urging her companions to the only route that wasn’t cut off by tribal warriors, the open door of the temple. 
          “No time to explain!” Daring shouted when her husband began to protest. 
          Once the four of them were inside, the doors quickly slammed shut. 
          “Dare, what’s the deal with making us run inside?!  Did you forget that this place was cursed or something?!”  Quibble screamed. 
          “From what I have been able to gather, those ponies were temple guards, and Olmec had just given them the order to kill us,” Daring explained.  “It was either run in and try our luck or—shkt!”  Daring ended her last sentence with a head-slicing motion. 
          “Wait a minute,” exclaimed Love Tap incredulously.  “We tell Olmec that we don’t want to play his sick game, and he makes us play anyway?!” 
          “They didn’t call him Olmec the Ruthless for nothing,” Cinnamon added, taking a good look at their surroundings.  “Now, we know why nopony who has gone in this direction has ever returned.” 
          “Look, if we want to get out of here alive AND stop Caballeron, we’ve got to find the Pendant of Life and open the Treasure Room before he does and before the sun rises tomorrow,” Daring exposited.  “It’s a good thing we’ve got two adventurers and a puzzle geek with in our group.” 
          “What makes you think I’ll be able to figure out how to get out of here?” whined Quibble. 
          “Because if you don’t, we all turn to dust, and I don’t think you want that,” Daring retorted. 
          Quibble opened his mouth to argue back but shut it again, unable to think up a satisfactory counterargument.  Instead, he sighed and rolled his eyes, following the rest of the group up a flight of stairs. 
          At the end of the stairs was a door, and next to the door was button, which Daring Do pressed.  The door swung open, leading to a room.  Inside the room were four orange statues, and on the wall was some kind of writing. 
          “Huh,” Quibble noted, studying the script.  “I can’t quite make out the writing.” 
          “I can,” Daring replied.  “It says ‘Room of the Four Statues.’” 
          “Of course it does.” 
          “Look, a door,” Love Tap pointed to the other side of the room where there was indeed a door.  However, unlike the last door, there was no button next to it.  In fact, the door didn’t seem to have any obvious means of opening it. 
          Cinnamon approached the door and examined the frame looking for any useful cracks.  Finding none, he then slammed his shoulder against the door once, twice, then thrice.  The door still stood unopened.  He was about to turn around and start bucking it down when his wife stopped him. 
          “Dear, I don’t think that’s going to work,” Love Tap flatly stated. 
          “There’s got to be a way to open the door,” said Quibble, leaning on the head of a statue depicting a Cipactli.  The head was pushed downwards, causing a knife to fly from its mouth.  The knife flew straight towards Love Tap, who thankfully had ducked before the knife could make contact, and lodged into the wall. 
          “Get away from that!” Cinnamon shouted as Quibble recoiled from the statue, both stallions utterly horrified by what had almost happened. 
          “Wait a minute,” Daring gasped in realization.  “That’s it!  Quib, you genius!” 
          “Dare, I am utterly flattered, but other than almost killing a royal, I really have no idea what I just did,” Quibble replied in confusion. 
          “One of these statue heads must open the door.” 
          “Well, considering that one of the statues just tried to kill us, I’m guessing that trying each statue randomly is out of the question,” Love noted. 
          “You know what they say, ‘One of these things is not like the others,’” Cinnamon quoted.  “Let’s see.  The statue that fired that knife looks like a Cipactli, and the others look like a cockatrice, a basilisk, and an iguana of unusual size.” 
          “Well, Cipactlis are full of razor sharp teeth and can eat a pony in one bite,” Quibble began.  “Cockatrices turn ponies to stone, basilisks are extremely venomous, and iguanas are usually pretty calm unless provoked.” 
          “It’s got to be the orange iguana,” Daring pointed out slamming the iguana statue’s head down.  Almost immediately, the door swung open. 
          The four of them stepped through the door and found themselves on a small platform, staring at a chasm.  Daring Do found some writing on the platform, which read “The Pit of Despair,” because what ancient temple would be complete without one?  However, unlike the other Pits of Despair that she and Quibble Pants had encountered on previous adventures, this one had an eerie wailing and moaning coming out of it as if the voices of Olmec’s past victims still remained trapped below.  Additionally, when Daring reached her hoof across, she felt a powerful vertical air current blowing in and out of the chasm. 
          “There’s no way I’ll be able to fly across with this freaky current,” Daring told her companions. 
          “Hey, look,” Love Tap pointed along the walls, drawing the group’s attention towards the numerous depressions and protrusions on the walls.  “I bet that we can use them to climb our way across.” 
          “Great idea, Love,” Cinnamon praised, “but first.”  He reached into his saddlebag and pulled out two harnesses and some rope. 
          Love Tap shot him a look that clearly said, “Really, honey, really?” 
          “It’s precautionary!” Cinnamon cried defensively as he strapped on one of the harnesses.  “Besides, out of everyone here, you’re the one with the least amount of climbing experience.” 
          Love Tap just rolled her eyes but began strapping on her harness anyway.  After the two of them had finished harnessing themselves, Cinnamon linked the two of them together with the rope. 
          The group began climbing on the walls, steadily crawling their way towards the platform on the other side of the pit.  Despite the distraction from the constant wailing and the ever present threat of either getting sucked down or blown away be the strange air current, the climb was rather uneventful, at least until they were roughly halfway across. 
          “You know, other than the creep factor and the weird wind tunnel, this actually isn’t so bad,” Quibble noted. 
          Right then and there, the several outcroppings began to sink into the wall including some of the ones that our heroes were holding onto, making them much harder to grip. 
          “You just had to say something,” Love Tap deadpanned as she and everpony else quickly grabbed for more secure hoofholds. 
          “Don’t worry,” Cinnamon assured.  “We should all make it across as long as we’re careful—WHOA!” 
          Cinnamon managed to move his head and his left hoof just before a burst of fire shot out of the hole he had been holding onto. 
          “And lucky,” Cinnamon quickly added.  “We also need to be lucky.” 
          Fortunately, all four of them managed to advance a significant distance towards the platform despite having to evade fires and work around disappearing rocks.  Pretty soon, Daring and Quibble reached the platform while Love Tap and Cinnamon weren’t too far behind. 
          “Don’t worry, Love, we’re almost there,” Cinnamon called.  At that, Cinnamon made a flying leap for the platform, dragging along his wife by the rope connecting them as she screamed.  Cinnamon managed to grab hold of the edge of the platform and with help from Daring and Quibble, pulled himself and Love Tap onto solid ground. 
          “Don’t you ever do that again!” Love Tap shrieked.  “You almost gave me a heart attack!” 
          “Hey, at least, we’re not dodging flames anymore.” 



          After giving Love Tap a few seconds to calm down, the four ponies continued to go down the hallway before turning into a corridor which lead to another door with a button.  Daring Do once again pressed the button and opened the door. 
          Unlike the last room, this one seemed completely empty. On the walls was some writing which Daring translated as “The Jester’s Court” and four paintings.  The paintings were of an Earth pony juggling skulls, a unicorn juggling knives, a pegasus juggling lit torches, and an alicorn sitting regally among them with both its wings spread.  Upon closer examination, our four heroes saw that each painting had a button positioned on each outstretched appendage such as the arms, legs, heads, horns, and wings. 
          “So, I’m guessing that one of these buttons is the way out,” Love Tap noted. 
          “But which one?” Cinnamon added. 
          “Well, if this puzzle is anything like the last one, we probably should avoid just randomly guessing,” said Quibble. 
          “Let’s try the ones on the alicorn,” Daring suggested.  “It’s the only painting that isn’t juggling something.” 
          Her husband nodded in agreement as she flew up to the painting and pressed each button one by one.  However, no matter which button she pressed, nothing happened. 
          “Why isn’t anything opening?” asked Love Tap, looking around the room. 
          “Nothing’s trying to kill us, so we must be on the right track,” Cinnamon noted. 
          Quibble Pants took a good look at each of the paintings, examining the buttons and their positioning.  Then, he had an idea. 
          “Dare,” Quibble called.  “I think you’re supposed to press yourself against all of the buttons at the same time.” 
          “Okay,” Daring agreed, “but how do I do that?  I don’t have a horn, and I’ll have to stop flying in order to use my wings to press the buttons.” 
          “I think I know,” said Cinnamon as he positioned himself under the painting.  “Ms. Do, if you wouldn’t mind, could you stand on my back?” 
          “Umm, are you sure this is the best idea?” asked Quibble, looking at Cinnamon with concern.  “Maybe I should do it.” 
          “Aw, come on,” scoffed Cinnamon as he helped Daring onto his back.  “I might be older than my prime, but I’m not that old.” 
          Daring stood upright on Cinnamon’s back, pressing her head and wings against the buttons. 
          “So, how are we going to reach the horn?” asked Daring. 
          “Love, could you climb over us and press it?” Cinnamon requested. 
          “Alright,” agreed Love Tap, carefully climbing over the precariously balanced tower of ponies.  She positioned herself on Daring’s shoulders and reached for the button on the horn.  She made contact and slammed it down triumphantly, causing a door on the ceiling to slide open. 
          The three ponies carefully unstacked themselves before joining Quibble and heading towards the sudden spot of sunlight.  Cinnamon reached into his saddlebag for a grappling hook and tossed it through the opening.  After tugging on the rope a few times to make sure the hook was secure, the three Earth ponies began to climb while Daring flew right beside them. 
          “Yes!”  Quibble cheered as everpony stepped out into the light.  “We’re out.  Now, let’s make a run for it before Giant Talking Stone Head knows we’re gone.” 
          “Wait,” Daring pointed out.  “Firstly, Caballeron’s still in here, and bad guy or not, we can’t just leave him to get turned to dust.  Secondly, there’s no way somepony with Olmec’s reputation would make getting out this easy.” 
          As if in response to her observations, a flock of purple parrots flew out of the jungle and circled around the temple.  One parrot lagged on a turn and slammed into an invisible barrier, bursting into a cloud of feathers as a result. 
          “A force field?!”  Quibble cried in anger.  “He put up a stinkin’ force field?!” 
          “Well, they didn’t call him Olmec the Ruthless for nothing,” Love Tap stammered, her eyes still wide with shock. 
          “Ruthless?!”  Quibble continued, pacing back and forth.  “This is BEYOND ruthless!  This is cruel and unusual punishment!  It’s sadistic even!  Why I oughta—AAAAH!” 
          In the middle of his ranting and pacing, Quibble Pants had stomped down hard on a button which opened a trap door that he just happened to be standing on, causing him to fall down a long slide of sorts. 
          “Quib!” Daring cried, calling down the hole that her husband just fell through. 
          “Quibble!  Are you still alive?” Cinnamon called down. 
          “YES!  I’m still alive!” was Quibble’s loud and horribly annoyed answer. 
          “Should we go after him?” asked Love Tap. 
          “Hold on,” replied Daring before calling down the hole.  “Honey, is there anything dangerous down there?” 
          “I don’t think so,” Quibble answered as he scanned his surroundings.  “Hang on.  I see some writing.” 
          The writing was similar to the others they had encountered.  However, Quibble was able to recognize one of the symbols as being similar to a different ancient script’s symbol for snake.  The writing had, in fact, read “The Viper’s Nest,” but of course, there was nopony there to tell him that. 
          “Dare, I can’t quite read all the writing, but I think there’s supposed to be snakes in here,” Quibble called up to the others.  “Although, I’m not seeing any right now.” 
          “Okay,” came Daring’s answer.  “Just hang tight.  We’re coming down.” 
          A few seconds later, Daring Do slid down the slide and landed where Quibble had first hit the ground.  She was followed by Cinnamon Swirl and Love Tap. 
          “Well, since we’re pretty much stuck playing this sick game, let’s try and find a way out of here, shall we?” said Cinnamon. 
          “Hey, there’s a door,” Daring pointed, flying to the other side of the room.  “It doesn’t look like it’s button-operated, but there’s a keyhole next to it.” 
          “So, I guess we’ll just have to find the key,” noted Cinnamon. 
          “Hey, here are some jars,” pointed Love Tap, running over to said jars.  “Maybe there’s a key in here—AAAAH!” 
          Love Tap lifted the lid of one of the jars only to quickly clamp it back down again. 
          “I think I found the snakes,” Love Tap squeaked, still holding the jar shut. 
          “Hey, here are some more,” said Quibble, pointing out the other jars scattered about the room. 
          “Quick, move them to the middle of the room,” ordered Daring. 
          The four ponies pushed no less than twelve jars to the center of the room and carefully removed all of the lids.  Inside each jar was a single silver snake.  They were all alive and roughly the same size.  Some of them had black markings on their back while some were solid colored.  Some had rattles while others lacked them. 
          “We are definitely not touching the rattlesnakes,” Cinnamon said flatly. 
          “Well, that narrows down our choices to ten snakes.  What a huge improvement,” Quibble deadpanned.  “Seriously though, did they all have to be silver?  How are we supposed to tell them apart?” 
          “Come on,” Daring grunted, pressing her hooves to her temples.  “The key’s got to be in one of these jars.  We’ve just got to think.” 
          Love Tap, however, had been studying the snakes closely and noticed something that nopony else had.  Then, she gasped in realization and pointed towards one particular jar excitedly. 
          “That one!” she cried, pointing toward a jar with a solid, rattle-less snake with an oddly shaped head.  “All these other snakes are vipers.  That one’s a python.” 
          “How did you know that?” asked Quibble quizzically. 
          “I read up on dangerous animals before we left Marendelle.” 
          “You certainly came prepared,” said Cinnamon, looking very impressed with his wife. 
          “Well, what are we waiting for?” said Quibble, reaching his hoof into the jar. 
          “Quib, wait,” Daring warned a bit too late. 
          “YOW!” Quibble shouted as he yanked his hoof out, clutching the key.  Clamped to his hoof by its jaws was an angry python.  Quibble abruptly jerked his hoof, sending the python flying across the room before it landed on the floor and slithered away. 
          “I guess it’s a good thing that pythons aren’t venomous,” Cinnamon noted to Quibble’s annoyance. 



          After Quibble finished nursing his python bite, he inserted the key into the keyhole and opened the door.  The door opened to a corridor with several doors lined up to the left and to the right.  After quickly deliberating with each other, the group decided to randomly select a room from the right side.  The four ponies entered the room they selected, and on a pedestal in the middle of the room was… 
          “The Pendant of Life!” Love Tap cried, running to grab it.  However, before she could reach it, it was suddenly snatched away by a small, fast, green-colored paw. 
          “Hey!” Love Tap cried, her eyes darting to the direction that she saw the little thief dash to.  The thief answered her with a mocking laugh. 
          “Creepy little green monkey!” growled Quibble as he chased after the animal.  “Give that back!” 
          The monkey, however, simply darted away again and disappeared into a monkey-sized hole in the ceiling. 
          “We’ve got to go after it,” exclaimed Cinnamon, noticing a trap door on the ceiling as he once again unpacked his grappling hook.  “What do we have to do to open the door?” 
          Once again, the group found some writing on the wall, which Daring read as “The Shrine of the Silver Monkey.” 
          “Look,” Love Tap called as she grabbed an object off of one of the shelves on the wall.  The object in question was a silver monkey head attached to a long silver pole. 
          “And here’s the torso,” observed Cinnamon, grabbing a different silver-colored object off of a different shelf. 
          “Which makes this the base,” Daring followed suit. 
          As the group was gathering statue parts, they suddenly heard hoofsteps in the outside corridor approaching along with the sound of ponies saying something in a strange language. 
          “Temple guards,” Daring gasped.  “Olmec’s sent them to slow us down.” 
          “Quick,” Love Tap ordered.  “We need to assemble the silver monkey on the pedestal.” 
          Daring Do and Cinnamon quickly piled their parts on the pedestal, but before Love Tap could attach the head, however, Quibble stopped her. 
          “Wait,” he hissed, noticing that the parts were oriented the wrong way.  He quickly readjusted the base and torso before telling Love Tap, “Okay, now.” 
          Love Tap slammed the monkey head into the place, opening the door on the ceiling.  Cinnamon hurriedly tossed the grappling hook up the door and quickly checked if it was secure before leading the three Earth ponies in a mad scramble to avoid getting caught by the temple guards.  Daring went through the door first followed by Cinnamon, Love Tap, and Quibble Pants.  As soon as the last pony got through the trap door, Daring hit the button next to it causing it to slam shut just as the temple guards were entering the shrine. 
          After the four of them let out the breath that they didn’t know they had been holding, our heroes tentatively took in their surroundings.  They were surrounded by trees, and the room was almost as dim as the dusk. 
          “Are we in some kind of enchanted indoor forest with terrible lighting?” Quibble observed. 
          “It looks that way,” his wife replied, pulling a flashlight out of her saddlebag.  The light ended up shining on a wooden sign with ancient writing that read “The Dark Forest.” 
          A wild, excited chittering interrupted the ponies’ thoughts, causing them to turn towards the sound.  Sitting contently on a tree branch was the green monkey, clutching the pendant and mocking them with its laughter. 
          “Ugh,” Quibble groaned.  “How are we going to get that little creep to give us back the pendant?” 
          However, Love Tap had already pulled an apple out of her saddlebag and was attempting to see if the monkey would like to trade. 
          “Come here, Mr. Monkey,” coaxed Love Tap, extending the apple towards the green primate.  “Would you like a nice, juicy, red apple in exchange for the pendant we need to get out of here alive?” 
          The monkey cocked its head in curiosity before it cautiously approached Love Tap and the apple.  Once the monkey got close enough, Cinnamon made a grab for the pendant as the monkey made a grab for the apple. 
          “Got it!” Cinnamon cried in triumph, holding up the pendant. 
          “Oh, thank goodness,” Love Tap sighed in relief as she sat down underneath one of the trees.  Her relief quickly turned to panic however when she suddenly felt two rough wooden arms wrap around her, causing her to scream. 
          “Love!” Cinnamon called out, hearing her cry. 
          As Love Tap futilely attempted to wiggle out of the tree’s grasp, a pony’s face began to appear on the trunk of the tree.  Faces appeared on the trunks of the other trees as well. 
          “The trees are alive!” Quibble cried, his eyes darting form one tree face to the next. 
          The tree holding Love Tap turned towards the group and shouted something at them in the same language that they had heard Olmec and the temple guards speaking in. 
          “It wants us to give them the pendant or else,” Daring translated. 
          “Or else what?” asked Quibble, not really wanting to know the answer. 
          As if in response to Quibble’s question, the tree tightened its grip on its hostage, causing her to cry out again. 
          “Cinnamon, don’t give it to them,” Love Tap pleaded, struggling to breathe through the tree’s crushing grip. 
          Cinnamon looked from the pendant to Love Tap to the tree.  He sighed and reluctantly held the pendant out to the tree.  The tree swiped the pendant with one of its branches and flung Love Tap forward where she landed in her husband’s arms. 
          “You alright?” Cinnamon asked her. 
          “I’m fine,” she replied, still gasping a bit, “but how are we going to get out of here now?” 
          The evil tree let out a cackle and said something that sounded like a gloat before throwing the Pendant of Life on the ground, causing it to break in half.  The pendant halves glowed green before disappearing into two wisps of magic traveling in different directions.  Then, a trap door opened under our four heroes’ hooves, dropping them down a chute. 
          The two couples slid downwards for what felt like hours, screaming all the way.  Finally, they landed hard on the floor of another dimly lit room. 
          “Well, this is perfect,” said Quibble sarcastically.  “We just lost the one thing we needed to not turn to dust when the sun rises.” 
          “We still have a chance,” assured Daring.  “If we didn’t, why would the temple bother keeping us alive?” 
          “Besides the fact that Olmec the Cruel and Unusual might want to toy with us until our last moments, you mean?” 
          “All I’m saying is that we can’t just give up, not now.” 
          The adventurous couple’s conversation was interrupted by several banging sounds and shouting.  The two of them and their companions scanned their surroundings and noticed that they were surrounded by sarcophaguses.  Standing across from them were three headless pony skeletons each dressed in a different set of ancient tribal wear.  Daring once again found ancient script on the wall and read it as “The Tomb of the Headless Kings.” 
          Upon a closer listen, the four ponies realized that the banging and shouting were coming from the sarcophaguses.  Love Tap opened one, and who should fall out other than the source of their present troubles. 
          “You?!” Dr. Caballeron cried, seeing his rescuer. 
          The other three followed suit and found Caballeron’s henchstallions in the other sarcophaguses. 
          “I can’t believe we’re saving you,” Quibble griped, resisting the urge to straight up beat the villain.  “You left us to be eaten by barracudas and went inside this madhouse of death despite all our warnings.” 
          “Let me guess,” Daring deadpanned.  “The temple guards caught you and put you in here.  So predictable.” 
          Caballeron said nothing but scowled as he reached for his sword. 
          “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” scoffed Cinnamon. 
          “Oh, and why not?” the villain growled. 
          “Because we’re your only chance of not getting turned to dust.  That’s why,” Love Tap said in her mom voice. 
          Caballeron glared at her but sheathed his sword anyway. 
          “Well, let’s not waste any more time,” Daring took charge.  “We don’t know how much time we have until sunrise.” 
          Daring Do looked up to the ceiling and found a net hanging from it containing what looked like bones.  She saw a vine attached to the net and gave it a pull, causing all of the net’s contents to tumble to the floor. 
          “Start looking,” Daring ordered.  “Our way out could be somewhere in there.” 
          As the ponies searched, Quibble found a skull wearing a tribal headdress among the bones.  He picked it up and studied it.  Then, he looked at the headless skeletons and noticed that the headdress matched the clothes on one of the skeletons.  He attached the head on the skeleton in question, and a door on the side of the room swung open. 
          “Out of our way,” Caballeron shouted.  He and his henchponies rushed for the open door, shoving everypony else aside in the process. 
          “Gee, thanks for getting the door for us, Quibble Pants,” Quibble angrily role-played.  “Oh, no problem, ungrateful bad guy.” 
          Quibble and his companions followed the horde of villains through the door.  Inside the room, half of the henchponies were taking turns trying to force down a side door and the other half was stacked one on the other with the pony on top trying to punch through a trap door on the ceiling.  Nopony seemed to have noticed the shelves upon shelves of jars or the three empty pedestals with keyholes in the middle or the writing on the wall that read “The King’s Storeroom.” 
          “Unbelievable,” Quibble deadpanned.  He walked in and began to examine the pedestals and the shelves.  “Let’s start looking in the jars.  I think the keys are inside.” 
          The two royals and their friends carefully emptied each jar and set them aside.  So far, all they found was cornmeal.  Caballeron noticed what the four were doing.  He went to the shelf closest to him and knocked it over with a crash. 
          “What are you doing?!” Love Tap cried.  “Those could have been studied for historical purposes.” 
          Caballeron lifted up the shelf revealing a pile of cornmeal and broken pottery.  He scowled at the former queen and said, “Do you want to get out of here alive or study pottery?  Your choice.” 
          Our four heroes shared a look with one another and made the same realization. 
          “That’s got to be the smartest thing that guy’s said all day,” stated Quibble. 
          Reluctantly, our four heroes followed Dr. Caballeron’s lead, breaking several jars at once and sifting through cornmeal and pottery fragments for keys. 
          “Found it,” called Daring, handing Quibble the key.  Quibble studied the key’s teeth and inserted it into the right keyhole.  To everypony’s surprise, both the trap door and the side door opened. 
          “So which one do we go through?” asked Quibble. 
          “Simple,” answered Dr. Caballeron.  “I take my henchponies down one door, and you four can take the other door.” 
          “Uh, no way we’re letting you out of our sight.  How do we know that you won’t double-cross us after we split?” 
          “A better question would be ‘How are you going to search this entire temple for the Pendant of Life before the sun rises?’” 
          “Okay, fine,” Daring Do agreed, “but if you get locked in a room again, we’re definitely not dropping what we’re doing to save you.” 
          Caballeron merely nodded and led his stallions out the side door.  Cinnamon once again pulled out his grappling hook and the group made their way up the trap door. 
          “You know, Dare, how are we going to find the pendant before time runs out?” Quibble pointed out.  “This time we’ve got to look for two pendant halves instead of a whole pendant.” 
          “Hope we get incredibly lucky?” Daring suggested. 
          The group entered the upper room only to find themselves facing off against three of red jaguars.  The jaguars snarled at them menacingly, fangs bared. 
          “Uh, Dare?” Quibble squeaked out nervously. 
          “Yes, Quib” Daring replied. 
          “What does the writing on the wall say?” 
          “‘The Jaguars’ Lair’” 
          “Of course it does.” 
          The group huddled close and kept still as they scanned their surroundings.  Their only way out appeared to be a button-operated trap door underneath a tall pillar, and the only way to get there was past the jaguars. 
          “Oh snap,” said Love Tap, her eyes falling on something hanging from a jaguar’s neck.  Her companions turned to where she was looking, and their pupils shrank, for hanging from the jaguar’s neck was half of the Pendant of Life. 
          “This sick game just got a whole lot harder,” said Daring, pulling out her whip. 
          The biggest jaguar let out a roar and pounced at them.  The four scattered, temporarily avoiding the fierce predator.  The other two jaguars also began to attack them, scattering them further. 
          Daring cracked her whip several times, stunning the jaguars.  However, neither she nor her friends could find a clear path towards the exit, and nopony was close enough to grab the pendant half. 
          Daring cracked her whip again, more aggressively this time, and the smaller jaguars began to back away.  Love Tap took the opportunity to dash forward and grab the pendant half from the jaguar’s neck. 
          Alerted by her sudden movement, the jaguar blindly swiped at her, giving her a shallow scratch on her shoulder in the process.  Cinnamon grabbed the jaguar by the tail and gave it a good yank.  The jaguar growled in pain and pounced on him.  The jaguar had Cinnamon Swirl pinned, but before it could take a bite out of the former king, somepony pelted it with a loaf of bread followed by a bag of pistachios and a pear.  Using the distraction to his advantage, Cinnamon unpinned himself and grabbed Love Tap.  The two of them quickly ran for the pillar and climbed up towards the trap door. 
          Quibble steeled himself, took a deep breath, and let out a loud, crazed-sounding yell as he dashed for the pillar, dodging jaguars as he did so.  Daring also made her way to the pillar, using her whip to stun the jaguars into submission.  Once everypony had reached the top of the pillar, Cinnamon pushed the button and opened the door, allowing them all to climb through. 
          The door had led to the middle of a corridor across an open window.  Through the window, the four ponies could see that night had already fallen. 
          “Scarlet and Punch must be freaking out by now.  Ow,” Love Tap pointed out. 
          “If we don’t somehow miraculously put an end to Olmec’s sick game, they’ll come after us and get turned to dust, too,” Cinnamon added, tending to his wife’s injury. 
          “Then, we better keep moving,” said Daring, going down the corridor. 
          “Do you even know where this corridor leads?” asked Quibble. 
          “Nope.” 



          After walking for what felt like hours, the two couples eventually reached a set of rooms.  Daring chose a room at random and the four of them entered.  Daring immediately regretted her decision. 
          “Spiders!” she squealed, jumping into her husband’s arms. 
          “Dare, it’s just one big web.  We don’t actually know if there are spiders in it,” Quibble reassured her. 
          “Can’t we just go back and try a different room?” 
          “We could, but I don’t think that would be a good idea,” said Love Tap, pointing at something in the middle of the web. 
          “The pendant half!” cried Cinnamon. 
          “Look, why don’t you wait here, and I’ll go after it?” Quibble offered his wife, setting her back on the ground. 
          Quibble approached the web and struck it with his hoof, hoping to swipe through it, but instead, his hoof got stuck. 
          “Oh, come on!” he cried, yanking his hoof free.  Thinking fast, he reached into his saddlebag and pulled out a club, a strip of cloth, lantern oil, and a box of matches and quickly made a torch. 
          Quibble held the torch to the web, causing it to shrivel back.  Pretty soon, he had burned his way toward the pendant half and returned to his companions with it in hoof. 
          “Okay, now we just need to find the Treasure Room,” noted Love Tap. 
          “But where would Olmec put it?” added Cinnamon Swirl. 
          “Well, I’ve been to enough of these temples to know that the most important room is almost always at the very top,” said Daring. 
          “And I know a short cut,” said Quibble as he went out the room and lead the others back the way they came. 
          “We’ll just climb out the window and climb up along the outside until we reach the top,” Quibble explained.  “This way, we’ll have less of a chance of running into temple guards and getting slowed down by killer puzzles.” 
          “Great idea, Quib,” Daring praised her husband as she flew out the window. 
          The four of them proceeded with Quibble’s plan, which worked perfectly, at least until they were spotted by temple guards on the second story from the top. 
          “Hurry up!” Daring cried, as she pulled her friends into an open window at the top.  “We’re almost there.” 
          Love Tap climbed in last, and the group quickly ran down the hall spurred by the sound of rapidly approaching temple guards. 
          The four reached a section of the hallway that divided into two different directions.  Temple guards cut them off from the section directly in front of them, forcing them to go down the other way. 
          Suddenly, Cinnamon skidded to a stop and unsheathed his sword. 
          “Cinnamon?” Love Tap called. 
          “Keep going.  I’ll hold them off,” Cinnamon called back. 
          “Quib, go with her.  I’m going to stay and help,” Daring commanded, pulling out her whip. 
          “Your Highness, come on,” Quibble pulled Love Tap further down the hallway. 
          As the two continued to run, Love Tap noticed that both she and Quibble were giving off a faint gold glow. 
          “Oh, no.  It’s almost sunrise,” she cried. 
          “I can see a door just straight ahead of us.  We’ve just got to make it,” Quibble encouraged. 
          The two of them drew closer and closer to the door.  However, the glow was getting stronger as well.  Desperately, Love Tap gave her pendant half to Quibble.  Quibble charged forward and with a flying leap inserted the pendant into the slot on the door.  The glow surrounding the two of them vanished while a golden burst of light exploded from the door and enveloped the whole temple. 
          Cinnamon and Daring were still in the middle of fighting temple guards when they were all surrounded by gold light.  When the light dissipated, Cinnamon Swirl and Daring Do only found piles of dust where the temple guards had been. 
          When Love Tap and Quibble Pants were finally able to see, the door to the Treasure Room had opened.  Their spouses joined them soon after, and the four of them cautiously entered the room.  When they took in their surroundings, they could hardly believe their eyes. 
          “Whoa!” Cinnamon gaped.  “Olmec really did collect the loot of a thousand lands.  Swords and silks from Neighpon, ivory from Zebrica, bronze from Trot, and loads of other treasures.” 
          “No way!” Love Tap gasped approaching a bowl filled to the brim with large pink pearls.  “These are rare Marendellian pink pearls.  These were worth a fortune even back in Marendelle’s pearl farming days.” 
          “Well, now that Olmec’s curse is broken, Quibble and I are going to notify the nearest museum to send archaeologists over here.  There’s a national treasure here to send to every corner of Equestria,” said Daring. 
          “So, what are you two royals planning on doing next?” Quibble asked. 
          “I don’t know about Cinnamon, but I think I’ve already had more adventure than I had hoped to experience,” said Love Tap.  “A nice relaxing trip to Haywaii sure sounds nice.” 
          “I hear that,” Cinnamon agreed before his face changed to that of confusion.  “Although, I can’t help but feel like we’re forgetting something.” 



          Meanwhile, somewhere in the temple… 
          “Help!” cried Dr. Caballeron.  “Get us out of this bone cage!” 



          “Whatever it is, it’s probably not that important,” Quibble replied to Cinnamon.
> The Isle of the Lost
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“DROP THE SAILS!” Punch heard his wife shout over the thunder and the wind.  He was sitting on his and Scarlet’s bed inside the cabin of the S.S. Destiny while the lightning and rain continued to rage outside.  Love Tap was also in the cabin, sitting on hers and Cinnamon Swirl’s bed while unsuccessfully attempting to read a book.

“Ugh!” Love cried, throwing the book down on the nightstand.  “I can’t believe we got ourselves caught in a storm, and the weather was so calm ten minutes ago.  It’s like the storm came out of nowhere.”

“I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about,” the former jester assured the former queen.  “I’m sure Scarlet and Cinnamon have everything under control.”

No sooner had the words left Punch’s mouth than a loud snapping sound was heard, followed by the sound of Scarlet screaming, “Oh, sweet Faust!”

Love Tap gave Punch a deadpan glare while he could only grin sheepishly. Outside, Cinnamon Swirl was calling the rest of the crew to get below deck and seal all the doors and windows.

A short while later, Cinnamon and Scarlet entered the cabin, dripping wet and wearing nervous smiles on their faces.  Scarlet was also holding something in her hoof and hiding it from view.

“Okay, we’ve got bad news and even worse news,” Cinnamon began.  “Which do you want to hear first?”

“Surprise us,” his wife replied in a tone far too calm to be sincere.

“Well, the bad news is that the storm has probably blown us horribly off course, and we’re lost,” Scarlet informed.  “The even worse news is…”  She trailed off as she brought her hoof in view revealing that she was holding the ship’s steering wheel.  Neither Punch nor Love Tap were shipbuilders, but even they could tell that the wheel had rather violently snapped off the whole steering mechanism.

“You two mean to tell me that we’re stuck on a ship in the middle of a really bad storm with absolutely no way of steering,” Love Tap stated as she stared dumbfoundedly at the broken wheel.

“Pretty much,” her husband replied.

“Well, then,” Punch said rather nonchalantly as he wrapped his hooves around his bedpost.  “Bring it on.”



“Are we still alive?  PLEASE tell me that we’re still alive,” Love Tap cried when the whole world finally stopped moving.  She had pressed herself flat against the floor of the cabin with her arms wrapped around her head while Cinnamon crouched over her protectively.  Cinnamon lifted his head, eyes widening at the sight of the torn paper, broken glass, and twisted metal strewn around them. Punch was still clinging to the bedpost while Scarlet was just barely peeking her head out from under the desk she had been hiding under.

“Well, the cabin’s a total mess, but yes, I think we’re alive,” Cinnamon replied, picking himself off the floor.  Then, he bent down to help up his still trembling wife.

Scarlet searched through the wreckage and sifted her husband’s wheelchair out of it. Surprisingly, other than a slightly bent axle, the chair had escaped the whole ordeal intact.  After she wheeled the chair over to Punch, she pried him off the bedpost and sat him on the wheelchair.

“T-t-thank you, my dear,” he said, his eyes still staring unblinkingly straight in front of him and his hooves gripping the armrests.

“We’d better check to see if the rest of the crew is alright and see where exactly we landed,” Cinnamon said, carefully stepping around the debris towards the door.  “Watch your step, Love.”

The royal couple and their friends emerged from the cabin onto the deck of the ship where the rest of the crew was beginning to gather.

“Captain,” one of the crew members addressed Scarlet, “it looks like everyone is present and accounted for, and we’ve dropped anchor, but we’re going to need to make repairs.”

Scarlet looked over the ship.  The steering wheel was unsurprisingly missing, the top of the main mast had broken off, and the railing was full of large gaping holes.  Thankfully, the sails were still in working order if only barely.  All she had to do was fix the steering mechanism and keep the ship intact long enough for them to reach a good harbor.

“Alright, crew,” Scarlet commanded.  “We just need to find ourselves some tree sap, and we should be able to hold this ship together long enough for us to reach civilization.”

“Uh, Scarlet,” Cinnamon stammered.  He had just gotten a look of the place where they had crashed, and his eyes widened at the sight of it.  “I think we should get back inside and pretend that we’re not around.”

“Why in Faust’s name would we—?” Scarlet trailed off when she turned towards where Cinnamon was looking.  The ship had crashed on an island with a mountain in the middle surrounded by a dense jungle.  However, it wasn’t the mountain or the jungle that caused her to stiffen in fear.  No, what had frightened the two seasoned adventurers were two beings that emerged from the jungle and moved towards the ship.

The two beings looked like ponies, but their legs were shorter, and their muzzles were longer.  They also had large, iris-less eyes and round bellies.  One was completely pink while the other was completely purple.  Other than the fact that they were rather creepy looking, the two creatures seemed harmless.

“Everypony, hide before they—,” Scarlet ordered before being cut off by a flash of light.  Suddenly, the two odd ponies who came out of the jungle were standing in the middle of the ship.

“Too late,” groaned Cinnamon.

“Why, hello, weary travelers,” said the pink one in an eerie, cheery, high-pitched voice.  “I’m Briar, and this is my sister Bramble.”

“Welcome to the Isle of the Lost,” said the purple one.  Her voice was as similar to her sister’s but lighter and more musical. “Please, follow us.  We have set out a feast just for—.”

The two ponies paused, having caught sight of Cinnamon, Scarlet, and their respective spouses.

“Well, if it isn’t Cinnamon Swirl and Scarlet Plume,” noted Bramble with an unsettlingly wide smile.

“And look, they brought friends,” added Briar.

“You know these ponies?” asked Love Tap giving her husband a confused look.

“Unfortunately,” muttered Scarlet.

“We must have a feast to welcome you two back on the isle,” said Bramble. “Follow us.”

Love Tap, Punch, and the crew were about follow them when Scarlet motioned for everyone to stop.  Cinnamon stepped forward to talk to their hosts.

“That is very generous of you,” Cinnamon began, using his calmest and most persuasive tone of voice, “but I’m afraid that we’re going to have to decline. Besides, we have plenty of food on the ship, and we’re really not all that hungry.”

Briar whipped her head around 180 degrees.  Her eyes glowed a blinding white, and her mane and tail stood on end and writhed like a mass of hairy snakes.

“YOU’RE GOING TO BE WELCOMED, AND YOU’RE GOING TO LIKE IT!” the pink pony bellowed, her voice becoming unnaturally deep and loud, causing her visitor’s manes to stand on end.

Briar turned her body so that it was facing the same direction as her head, and her features returned to normal.  Her purple sister also turned to face the now utterly frightened travelers.

“Oh, sorry about that,” Bramble said insincerely, “but unless you want to see more of that from us, I’d suggest that you follow us.”

“They didn’t do that last time,” Cinnamon squeaked out, his eyes like dinner plates and his pupils like pinpricks.
Everypony on board looked to Scarlet, who reluctantly nodded for them to follow the two inhabitants.



“Alright, you two, where are we, and what’s going on?” Love Tap demanded as our four heroes and their crew followed the cute but scary ponies.

“Well, you ever heard of the Bermula Triangle?” Cinnamon replied.

“The place in the Coltlantic that’s famous for ships mysteriously disappearing?”

“That’s the place, and this island is the reason for it.”

“And the two creepy ponies?” Punch asked.

“They’re fey ponies,” Scarlet answered.  “We ran into them the first time we crashed into this place.  We nearly lost our whole crew because of them.”

“Fey ponies?” remarked Love Tap.  “As in fairies but more sinister?”

“Mmm-hmm,” Scarlet nodded in reply.

“By the way,” Cinnamon continued, addressing his wife in particular. “Don’t eat or drink anything they give you unless you want to forget that we had grandkids together.”

“Wait,” Punch said, scrunching his face in thought.  “How did the two of you figure out not to eat the food the first time you came here?”

Scarlet pointed to a portion of the jungle that they were passing.  A troop of monkeys were approaching a shining, aquamarine lake with a flowering tree next to it.  Half of the monkeys went for the lake while the other half went towards the tree.  The monkeys that drank from the lake suddenly shrank and became chubbier with lighter fur, and the monkeys that ate the flowers from the tree became wrinkled and frail with grayer fur.  The two groups then switched places and either drank the water or ate the flowers, returning all the monkeys to normal.  The lake was also surrounded by bushes heavy with multicolored berries. Various birds were eating from the bushes, changing into a different color with each berry they ate.

“You can’t be too careful with potentially magical food,” Scarlet pointed out.

“We’re here,” Briar announced.  The two fey ponies had led the group to a clearing in the middle of the jungle.  In the middle of the clearing was a table piled high with the most beautiful assortment of fruit anypony has ever seen. There were pomegranates as red as rubies, pineapples as lustrous as gold, peaches like round, velvet sunsets, grapes like full moons and as dark as the night sky, and melons glistening with juice.  A collective rumble emanated from the stomachs of everypony present, save for the feys.  Even Cinnamon Swirl and Scarlet Plume licked their lips in barely restrained desire.

“Go ahead and eat as much as you want,” invited Bramble.  “There’s plenty for all.”

The crew looked from Scarlet and Cinnamon to the fey ponies.  Both Scarlet and Cinnamon shook their heads in warning, but when the crew turned to the feys, all four of their eyes began to glow menacingly.  In fear of their lives, everyone except the captain, the former jester, and the two royals began to eat, causing Scarlet to facehoof.

“Well, don’t you four want some?” asked Briar, turning towards their four remaining guests with a murderous smile on her face.

“What do we do?” Love Tap whispered to Cinnamon Swirl.  “How are we going to avoid eating the food without getting the murder ponies angry?”

“Last time, Scarlet and I just tossed the food while the two of them weren’t looking,” Cinnamon whispered back.

“Well, right now, they’re looking.”

“I can see that.”

“Mmmm,” Punch mumbled loudly, his cheeks puffed out.  In front of him was a bunch of grapes, and one grape was clearly missing.  He took another grape and seemingly put it in his mouth.  “These grapes are really good.  You guys should try some.”

“Punch!” Scarlet cried, her eyes wide with disbelief.  Punch looked back at her.

“Trust me,” his eyes said.

“Look at what a good guest your friend is being,” said Bramble, “and just look at how tasty all these fruits are.”
As soon as the feys took their attention off him, Punch quickly ducked under the table, pulled out a bird whistle from his backpack, and blew on it a few times.

“What was that?” said Briar, perking up her ears and turning her head to try and locate the sound.  Punch managed to scurry back into his wheelchair with Briar and Bramble none the wiser just as a flock of birds descended on the table, causing the feys to scream.

“Shoo! Shoo!” squealed Bramble waving her hooves.

“Fly away, you filthy animals!” screamed Briar.

While the fey ponies were preoccupied, Punch pulled out four large purple gumballs from his backpack and handed three of them to his companions.  He then stripped the fruit off his bunch of grapes and three other bunches of grapes into his pack and arranged the bare stems in front of him, Scarlet, Cinnamon, and Love Tap.  He had just enough time left to wink smugly at his wife and his friends before the feys finished shooing away the birds.

As soon as Briar and Bramble turned towards them, Punch popped his gumball into his mouth and began chewing.  He covertly motioned for everypony else to do the same.  Thankfully, they all understood what he wanted them to do and popped their own gumballs into their mouths.

“Honey, you were right.  These grapes are amazing,” said Scarlet, trying not to look or sound too nervous.


“You, uh, sure know how to treat royalty,” agreed Love Tap, chewing her gumball.

“Mmm-hmm,” Cinnamon nodded.

The two feys looked from the four of them to the empty grape stems.  Then, the looked under the table and on the floor behind our four heroes.  Once they finished their inspection, they gave each other satisfied smirks before turning their attention back to the four.

“Well, I guess we’ll just leave you alone to finish eating then,” said Bramble.

“We’ll be back shortly,” finished Briar as the two of them walked backwards into the jungle, disappearing into the mist that had just begun to mysteriously roll in.

As soon as the four were sure that the fey ponies were gone, they collectively exhaled in relief.

“Punch, has anypony every told you that you’re brilliant?” Scarlet cheered before fervently planting a kiss on his cheek.


“Oh, you can say that about me more,” Punch stammered as he turned red.

“But,” Cinnamon paused, looking back at Punch in confusion, “we saw you eat a grape. They saw you eat a grape.”

“Or did I?” Punch smirked, reaching into his shirt and pulling two uneaten grapes from his shoulder.

“Well, what’s the plan now?” asked Love Tap, looking from misty trees to the rest of the crew, who were still eating the food.

“By the time those feys get back here, everypony who ate the food will be a mindless zombie,” Cinnamon explained.  “We’ve got to act like them until nightfall.  Then, we head towards the mountain the first chance we get.”

Suddenly, all the other ponies at the table stopped eating.  In fact, they seemed to stop moving all together, simply staring ahead of them with a blank expression in their eyes.

“The food is starting to take effect,” Scarlet hurriedly whispered before imitating the soulless, unblinking posture of the affected ponies.  The other three quickly followed suit.

Shortly after, Briar and Bramble materialized from the mist looking over their victims with sinister smiles.

“Okay, everypony,” said Briar, cheerfully.  “Now that all of you are our slaves, please follow us to where you’re going to be spending the rest of your pathetic mortal existence.”

Everypony stiffly rose to their hooves and shuffled after the fey ponies.  The royals and their friends stayed in the rear in order to better conspire against their new “masters” without detection. Cinnamon Swirl brought a hoof to his lips, signaling for the other three not to talk.

“Just stick to the plan,” he said with his eyes.



The fey ponies led their newly acquired slaves into a part of the jungle closer to the mountain.  A spring of water flowed from the rocks, and all around the spring was a grove of unusual trees.  Their trunks were white with thick black stripes, and instead of leaves a ball of fuzz grew at the top of the trees with each fuzz ball in a different color.  Most were orange or yellow, but a few were bright pink or purple.  A gentle breeze blew through the downy foliage, wafting a sweet, milky scent all through the surrounding areas.  Each tree had a ladder and a basket underneath.  Directly next to the spring were a row of barrels and a pile of sieves.

“Now, before we give out assignments, there’s one little thing that we need to address,” Bramble said before calling out.  “Oh, Jim!”

Scarlet stifled a gasp at the sound of that name.  A loud rumbling descended from the mountain as the ground began to shake. Suddenly, the ponies found themselves facing a giant troll.  It stood on two thick, stubby legs and wore a loin cloth.  Its two long arms were as thick as tree trunks, and it had a belly like an overinflated balloon.  Two tusks stuck out from its protruding chin, and two beady eyes stared out from underneath its thick brow bone.

“Bwi-ah and Bwamble have moe pwetah ponays fo Jim?” the troll asked the fey ponies.

“Yup,” Briar replied, “and you can have your pick of any of them.”

“Oh, please, don’t pick me.  Please, please, please don’t pick me,” Scarlet silently begged.

Jim the Troll gasped, picking Scarlet up with his enormous hands.  “Pwetah wedhead ponay camed back!”

Scarlet needed every ounce of willpower she had and then some not to scream.

“Dis ponay pwetah too!”  Jim cried, snatching up Love Tap.  If those words had been coming out of anyone besides a giant mountain troll who was currently taking her away from her husband, Love Tap would have been flattered.

After selecting a few more ponies, Jim climbed back up the mountain to enjoy his prize.

“As for the rest of you,” Bramble instructed her remaining captives.  “Half of you pick the tufts from the trees and put them in the baskets.  The other half needs to fill those barrels with water using nothing but the sieves. Are we clear?”

The ponies said nothing, but half of them shuffled towards the spring while the other half shuffled towards the grove.  Punch followed the ponies going to the spring while Cinnamon followed the ponies going to the grove.

At the grove, the ponies climbed up the ladders towards the tufts of fuzz growing on the trees.  However, as the ponies reached up to pick them, the tufts would shrink back just out of their reach.

Meanwhile, at the spring, the ponies took turns scooping out the water with the sieves and pouring the contents into one of the barrels.  However, since the water kept running through the sieves, each pony brought no more than maybe two drops of water to the barrel at a time.

Punch and Cinnamon Swirl recognized the futility of the tasks that they had been assigned but performed them anyway since their captors were watching.  As they worked, they couldn’t help but worry about the dangers that their wives were probably facing with the mountain troll.


 
The mountain troll brought his selected ponies to his cave and set them on a shelf next to a boulder with an 8 carved into it and another boulder that was shaped like a potato with detachable limbs and face parts, which were made from twigs and rocks.

“This is the worst!”  Scarlet cried.  “The absolute worst!”

“Why? What’s he going to do to us?” Love Tap asked her, figuring out that they were both safe to drop the charade.

Before Scarlet could answer, Jim picked her off the shelf.  “Pwetah ponay with pwetah wed har go fust.”

“Scarlet!” Love Tap cried.  She watched on in horror as the troll began to…brush Scarlet’s hair.

“Bwushy, bwushy, bwushy,” Jim sang as he brushed.

“Ow! Not so hard, you big lug!” Scarlet shouted at the troll.

Jim didn’t seem to hear her as he continued brushing with the same rough and painful intensity.


 
After hours of amusedly watching their slaves toil pointlessly, Briar and Bramble noticed that night had fallen.

Briar commanded with a stamp of her hoof, “Go to sleep!”

As soon as the command left her lips, all the magically enslaved ponies suddenly stopped.  One by one, they sank to the ground and snored away.  The ponies working in the trees fell off their ladders, but instead of crashing to the ground, they gently floated down as if by some otherworldly magic.  Thankfully, Cinnamon Swirl was already on the ground when the feys gave their command, so he didn’t have to worry about his cover being blown.

Pleased with her work, Briar turned around the began walking to a different part of the jungle.

“Come on, Bramble.  Let’s get our beauty sleep.  We can watch them wear themselves out some more tomorrow,” she said to her sister, who turned to follow her.

Once they were sure that the fey ponies were gone, Cinnamon and Punch got up and met with each other at the base of the mountain.

“How are we going to find the mares and rescue the crew?” Punch asked Cinnamon.

“Let’s focus on one thing at a time here,” Cinnamon replied.  “As for finding the mares, this happened to Scarlet the last time we ended up here. I think I still know where the troll’s cave is.”

Cinnamon pointed up a steep and rocky path leading up the pathway.

“Hmm,” he said, looking from Punch’s wheelchair to the path.  “Looks like I’m going to have to carry you up.”

Cinnamon hoisted Punch onto his back as Punch folded his wheelchair and stashed it into his backpack.  He reached into and rummaged through his pack, pulling out a lantern to light the path.

“Just what is in that bag?” Cinnamon exclaimed as he began his trek up the mountain.  “Another dimension?”

“Probably,” Punch replied.  “So, what happened to Scarlet last time she was captured by the mountain troll?”

“No idea.  She refuses to talk about it.”


 
The path lead to a mountain troll-sized opening into a cavernous tunnel.  The floor of the tunnel seemed much smoother than the path, so Punch unpacked his wheelchair and got off Cinnamon’s back.

They had gone some distance down the tunnel when they were met with a sight that put all the treasures in the world to shame.

“Love Tap!” Cinnamon cried, racing to embrace his wife.

“Scarlet!” Punch held his arms out as his wife rushed into them.

“Thank goodness.  We were so worried about you,” said Love Tap, returning her husband’s embrace.

“YOU were worried?” Cinnamon retorted, as he and Love Tap released each other.  “Punch and I were losing our minds wondering what the troll was doing to you.”

“Whoa, what happened to your manes?” Punch asked, noticing the state of the mares’ hair.  Scarlet’s appeared to have increased in volume and was standing on end, giving it the appearance of a clown’s wig.  Love Tap’s was tangled in a mess of ribbons and curlers.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Scarlet said, as she and Punch parted.  “Let’s just go find those dwarves, so we can get out of this place.”

“Dwarves?” Love Tap asked.

“Dwarven iron,” Cinnamon explained.  “It’s the only thing that that break a fey’s curse.”

“How did the two of you find the dwarves in the first place?” Punch asked.

“Sheer dumb luck,” Scarlet huffed.  “We got lost in these tunnels the last time we came here. Luckily, we happen to know exactly where to find the dwarves now.”


 
Scarlet Plume and Cinnamon Swirl led the group to a part of the tunnel system that seemed to lead downward and inward.  The four of them could feel the temperature slowly beginning to rise as they continued towards the bowels of the mountain.

“Oh, shoot!” Scarlet suddenly exclaimed, putting a hoof to her face.

“What is it?” Punch asked her.

“I just remembered what we had to do to get the dwarves to help us the last time.”

Cinnamon stopped in his tracks, his eyes widening as he recalled the memory.  “Maybe we won’t have to do it again,” he suggested hopefully.

“Do what again?” Love Tap asked.  However, before Scarlet or Cinnamon could answer her. They had reached some kind of underground fortress and were halted by some guards.

“Halt!” the guards ordered from on top of the fortress’s walls, pointing their halberds at the four.  “Who dares trespass in the land of the dwarves?”

The guards were all stallions with long, flowing manes and scraggly beards.  They also all seemed to be Earth ponies except shorter and bulkier.  However, Love Tap couldn’t tell if the bulk was mostly coming from the heavy armor they were wearing or from their unusually enormous muscles.

Cinnamon stepped forwards to address the dwarven guards. “It is I, Cinnamon Swirl the Adventurer. My crew has once again fallen prey to the feys’ curse, and my companions and I have come seeking King Ferrous’s aid.”

The guards looked at each other with unreadable expressions before descending from the wall.  The gates opened, and an armored dwarven stallion stepped out.  He had a dull yellow coat with an orange mane and a beard that reached his chest.  Like the other guards, he carried a halberd.

“I am Tungsten, Captain of the Dwarven Guards,” the dwarf introduced.  “Unfortunately, King Ferrous, may he rest in peace, is no longer with us, but if you follow me, I can lead you to our queen.”

Our four heroes followed the dwarf captain into the fortress.  Inside the fortress was a cobblestone road leading to a stone fort surrounded by several smaller stone buildings, pens holding what looked to be miniature sheep with gold fleece, and garden plots growing root vegetables.  Love Tap questioned how any plant life could grow this deep underground when she noticed that each plot had a glowing yellow stone in the center.  The light that the stone emitted probably mimicked sunlight.  All throughout the fortress, dwarves were bustling about on their everyday business.

Every dwarf seemed to have a similar short, bulky body type even the mares and foals, and every stallion had a beard.  The mares, on the other hoof, did not grow beards but kept their equally long manes in braids.  Few had horns like a unicorn, but none had wings.  Like the guards at the gate, some of the dwarves wore heavy metal armor while others wore lighter clothing made of wool padding.

The captain led the four outsiders into the stone fort.  Inside the fort, Love Tap, Cinnamon Swirl, Scarlet Plume, and Punch were brought inside of a throne room decorated with all sorts of precious stones and metals. In the middle of the throne room sat a dwarven mare on a gold throne.  The mare had hair as black as coal and a dusky red coat.  She also wore golden armor and a gold diadem decorated with a single large ruby.  In her hoof, she held a heavy gold scepter topped with a diamond.  She stood up and descended from her throne to greet her visitors.

“I am Anthracite, daughter of Ferrous and White Diamond, Queen of the Dwarves,” she said to her visitors with an authoritative voice. “What business do you have with my ponies?”

“Your Majesty,” Cinnamon greeted the dwarven queen with a bow.  “I’m not sure if you remember us, but my friend Scarlet Plume and I once received aid from your father regarding the fey ponies.  If it’s not too much trouble, I’m afraid we need your aid once again.”

The queen studied the four taller ponies with a stern look.  Despite her small size, the queen gave off an intimidating air.  To Cinnamon and Scarlet’s relief, her face softened when she turned to face the two former adventurers.

“Yes, I remember you two.  You passed the Ultimate Challenge and earned my father’s respect.  I will gladly give both of you aid,” Anthracite said to Cinnamon and Scarlet.

“But,” she continued, her face hardening as she pointed her scepter at Love Tap and Punch.  “These two have yet to earn our trust and respect according to the ancient rules.”

“Wait,” Scarlet replied.  “You mean, they’re going to have to...”

“By the ancient rules, they must also pass the Ultimate Challenge, or else, they will not be allowed to return to the surface,” the queen finished.

“And what exactly is the Ultimate Challenge?” Love Tap asked, worry creeping onto her face.

“Well,” Cinnamon was about to answer when the dwarven queen bonked him on the head with her scepter.  “Ow!”

“By the ancient rules, no outsider is allowed to know what the Challenge is ahead of time,” Anthracite bellowed.

“But they’re our spouses,” Scarlet protested. “Can’t you make an exception for them?”

“Absolutely not.  According to the ancient rules, every outsider must earn our approval through the Ultimate Challenge, no exceptions.”

“Well, then I guess we really don’t have much of a choice then,” Punch remarked in resignation.

“Captain Tungsten will escort you to the armory,” said Anthracite.  “You may equip yourselves with anything there or on your pony.  Then, the captain will lead you to where the challenge will take place.  Any questions?”

“Yeah.  Is there anything edible around that won’t magically enslave us or anything?  We haven’t eaten anything in a while.”


 
After a filling yet unappetizing meal of the toughest potatoes and parsnips that the four of them have ever eaten, Love Tap and Punch were led by Captain Tungsten to the armory while Cinnamon and Scarlet were led away by the rest of the Dwarven Guard to an undisclosed area.

The dwarven armory mostly held heavier weapons such as axes, hammers, maces, and flails.  There were a few more basic weapons such as swords, clubs, and quarterstaffs as well as a some rather unusual choices like an assortment of pots, pans, and golf irons.  Love Tap chose a wok, reasoning that it could also double as a shield if worse comes to worse, while Punch filled his backpack with whatever weapon he could lift.

“What?” Punch remarked, seeing the strange look Love Tap was giving him.  “You never know which one of these will come in handy.”

“Just how are you able to fit all that in there?” Love Tap exclaimed, turning her stare towards the pack.

“By all accounts, it doesn’t make sense, but I’ve never really questioned it.”


 
Tungsten led Love Tap and Punch to an area outside of the dwarven fortress.  They stopped at what looked like the beginning of a path full of twists and turns. Various obstacles made of rock and metal were scattered along the path.  Punch couldn’t help but notice some strategically placed holes along the path.  Before he could ask questions about them, however, Queen Anthracite stepped forward to give them the challenge.

“Greetings, outsiders.  As by the ancient rules, you both must withstand the Ultimate Challenge. I trust that you’ve equipped yourselves well,” said the queen.

“We sure hope so,” Love Tap replied.

“Good.”  Anthracite motioned for a horned colt to step forward.  The dwarven colt had a bronze coat and a black mane and was levitating a pillow, and on that pillow was what appeared to be a small iron ball.  “You will each take turns using your chosen implements to strike this ball forward, trying to get it inside each of the holes. Once the ball lands inside a hole, it will magically teleport to the next part of the course.  You must play where it lands, and you are not allowed to touch the ball with your hooves.  Don’t even bother attempting to break those rules.  The ball has been enchanted to shock anyone who tries.  The challenge is passed when you complete the course.”

“Are we required to get the ball into the holes in only a certain number of strikes?” Punch asked.

“No.  Just finish the course.”

“So, this Ultimate Challenge is just a game of mini golf except that there’s no par, and we get to take turns.  This should be easy.”

“Easy?” Love Tap exclaimed to her companion, her hooves beginning to shake.  “If my golf game’s anything like my croquet game, well, let’s just say that I’ll probably end up slowing you down.”

“Well, there’s no par, and I’m probably good enough to make up for your lack of game.  There’s probably nothing to worry about.”

The colt set the pillow on the ground before walking out of sight.

“Which of you wishes to go first?” the queen asked.

Love Tap hesitantly stepped forward with her wok and tapped the ball with it.  The ball rolled about six inches before coming to a stop.

“Umm, maybe hit the ball a little harder next time, Your Highness,” Punch said to the former queen.  “If you like, I did stash some of the golf irons from the armory in my bag.  Maybe you’d like to use one of them instead of that pan.”

Love Tap simply sighed and stepped back allowing Punch to position himself next to the ball.  He pulled out one of the dwarven golf irons from his backpack and yelled, “Fore!”

With one smooth swing, Punch sent the ball flying over the first set of obstacles, causing it to land a mere two inches away from the first hole.

“Wow,” Love Tap exclaimed, completely impressed. “You are good.”


 
One montage of Love Tap and Punch persevering through the course later, the two of them arrived at the last hole.

“You know, you did pretty well for somepony who’s bad at golf,” Punch said to Love Tap.

“I sent the ball flying three holes back when we were already halfway through the course, got it stuck in a crack in the wall, and sent it onto an island in the middle of a pool of lava,” Love Tap deadpanned.

“Yeah, good thing I had duct tape with me or else we never would have gotten past that last one.  Fore!”

Punch sent the ball flying straight towards the last hole.  However, before it could land in the hole, a creature emerged from the ground, coming between the ball and its target.  The ball struck the creature and ricocheted off to the side.  The creature looked like a minotaur made of lava and stood about twice as tall as one.

“Oh, dear,” Love Tap squeaked out as the creature roared at them.  It conjured up a ball of fire in its two clawed hands and prepared to throw it at the two ponies.  Thinking fast, Love Tap pulled the dwarven wok from Punch’s bag and used it shield herself and Punch from the fireball.

The fireball struck the wok and sent the two ponies flying backwards.  Besides being unbalanced and disoriented, the two of them managed to escape the ordeal unscathed.  The wok, on the other hoof, ended up with a large dent in the middle of it.

“Wow, it’s still in one piece,” Punch exclaimed, picking up and inspecting the dented wok.  “Dwarven iron is really something.”

“Punch, we don’t have time to admire the craftsponyship.  We gotta move,” Love Tap cried, righting Punch and his wheelchair before hurriedly wheeling him away as fast as her legs could run.  The creature lumbered towards them, throwing fireballs at them all the way.

“Good thing I remembered to install seatbelts in this thing,” Punch remarked as the two dodged fireballs.  Punch reached in his backpack and pulled out two smoke bombs, tossing them behind Love Tap.  The smoke enveloped the two ponies, allowing them to duck behind a nearby rock formation without the creature noticing.

“What in Equestria is that thing?” Punch whispered to Love Tap.

“Well, if I remember my mythology, that thing is a balrog, a pony-eating creature made out of fire and darkness that lives deep underground,” Love Tap replied.  “I also remember that they’re not supposed to exist.  How the dwarves managed to subdue one and make it a part of their challenge I’ll never know.”

“Well, we’re not going to be able to complete the course with it trying to eat us, and now, I understand why this course doesn’t have a par.”

“No wonder Cinnamon and Scarlet didn’t want to go through this challenge again,” Love Tap groaned.  “They were in their prime when they faced this thing.  Now that their older, they wouldn’t have as good of a chance of taking it out.  Not only are we past our prime, but we also don’t have Cinnamon and Scarlet’s adventuring skills and experience.  Just how are we supposed to go hoof to hoof with a balrog?”

Punch didn’t answer.  Instead, he stuck the entire front half of his body into his backpack and began rummaging through its contents.

“Let’s see,” Punch said from inside of his bag. “Dwarven golf irons, dwarven swords, dwarven quarterstaff, dwarven clubs, dwarven frying pans, dwarven pancake griddle, dwarven waffle iron.  A crutch, makeup kit, a package of saltines, my camera.  Hey, a bit.  Oh, and the grapes from the fey banquet.  If only we had a way to get the balrog to eat these, then we can make it do our bidding.”

Love Tap's eyes widened as an idea formed in her mind.  “Punch, you wouldn’t by any chance have a couple of mannequins and a sewing kit in your bag, would you?”


 
The balrog snarled as it searched through its domain for its prey.  He turned around and saw two pony-shaped figures just standing stiffly in front of a rock formation.  With a hideously wicked smile, the balrog snatched them up and swallowed them both in one gulp.  It let out a satisfied growl, believing that I had won, but suddenly, the balrog froze in place as if it had lost every ounce of free will that it had.

Punch and Scarlet stepped out from behind the rock formation with Punch smugly grinning at the frozen balrog.

“I hope you like grape-stuffed mannequins,” Punch taunted, wheeling himself closer to the balrog.

“Punch, wait,” Love Tap exclaimed, blocking her companion.  “Remember what Cinnamon said about dwarven iron breaking fey curses?  If we don’t keep our distance, we could end up accidentally freeing the balrog.”

“Can’t have that now, can we?” Punch said nonchalantly before pulling out his camera and snapping a picture of the balrog.

“What?” he said defensively, noticing the disapproving look that Love Tap was giving him.  “How else are we supposed to prove that balrogs are real?”

Love Tap just sighed and turned her attention back to the balrog.  “Balrog, by the order of the queen mother of Marendelle, I command you to go to sleep.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, the balrog swayed unsteadily before falling to the ground with a crash and a tremor. Once the ground stopped shaking, Love Tap and Punch rushed back to find the ball which had landed not far from where the balrog emerged.  The balrog’s appearance had left a wide chasm between them and the last hole.

“Okay, all we have to do is make the shot over this chasm, and, oh, no,” Punch’s eyes widened as he made a very important realization.

“What?” Love Tap replied.

“It’s your turn to try for the shot.”

Love Tap froze as Punch’s words and what they implied sank in.  “Oh, bother.”

“Just take the shot.  Don’t even think about it.  We might get lucky.”

“So, we’re putting both our lives in the hooves of sheer dumb luck?  Great,” Love Tap winced as she chose a golf iron from Punch’s bag.

“Dumb luck is better than no luck at all,” he replied with a horribly forced grin plastered on his face.

Love Tap’s hooves shook as she stepped up to the ball.  She could feel sweat pouring from her forehead as she nervously looked from the hole to the ball to the chasm and back again.  Taking a deep breath, she shut her eyes and forced her hooves to stop shaking before blindly swinging at the ball.

The ball went flying across the chasm and landed inches away from the hole before slowly rolling towards it.  The ball rolled and rolled and …stopped just before it could fall in the hole.

“Really?!” Love Tap cried as she fell to her knees.

“Hang on.  I’ve got this,” Punch said as he took out his throwing knives.  The knife swished through the air, hitting the ball with a clang before the ball rolled into the hole.

As soon as the ball entered the hole, an eerie blue light shot out of it and a swirling blue vortex appeared on the ceiling. The vortex forcibly sucked Love Tap and Punch into its center, the two ponies screaming the whole way.


 
Meanwhile in an undisclosed location inside the dwarven fortress, Cinnamon Swirl and Scarlet Plume waited for their spouses to return.  Cinnamon was pacing the floor while Scarlet was nervously chewing on a carrot.  In the room with them were Queen Anthracite, a gray dwarven stallion with a horn and an absurdly long white mane and beard, and the colt from earlier.

“Master Argentum, when will we know if the outsiders have passed the challenge,” the colt said to the stallion.

“Patience, Cupric,” answered the stallion.  “When the ball falls in the last hole, the spell will activate, and they will be brought to us.”

As soon as the stallion finished his explanation, a blue vortex appeared over the middle of the room.

“Speaking of which.”

The vortex unceremoniously spat out Love Tap and Punch before vanishing.  Punch was still strapped to his wheelchair which tipped over and fell on its side.

“Ow!” Love Tap cried as she hit the floor.

“Can somepony please help me up?” Punch dramatically shouted.

Scarlet rushed forward and righted her husband before kissing him fully on the lips.  After she broke the kiss, she threw her arms around him and cried, “Oh, thank Faust, you’re okay!”

Punch turned red as a beet before returning his wife’s embrace.

Cinnamon held his hoof out to Love Tap and helped her up before also pulling her into an embrace.

“I’m so happy that you’re alright,” Cinnamon exclaimed as he and Love Tap pulled away.  “I don’t know what happened out there, but I’m never letting you go through that again.”

“You better not,” Love Tap retorted.  “I’d rather go through another pregnancy than what I just went through.”

The colt identified as Cupric smiled mischievously as he lit up his horn only to extinguish it when he caught sight of the stern glare Master Argentum was giving him.  Cupric grinned sheepishly as he slowly backed away.

Argentum stepped forward and greeted Love Tap and Punch, “Worthy friends, I am Argentum, the court wizard of the Dwarven Kingdom. On behalf of Queen Anthracite, I am pleased to announce that the two of you have passed the Ultimate Challenge and have been found worthy of being called Friends of the Dwarves.”

Argentum levitated two iron writing pens to Love Tap and Punch and pointed to a stone tablet that stood across from the door.  The tablet had strange runes along the top with Cinnamon Swirl and Scarlet Plume’s names etched in the blank area in the middle.

“Please write your names on the tablet so that we and our posterity may remember you always,” Argentum instructed.

Love Tap and Punch glanced at each other in confusion, unsure how the pens were supposed to even make a scratch on the tablet. They took the pens in their mouths anyway and stepped forwards towards the tablet.  Love Tap wrote her name first, and to her amazement, the pen began to etch the tablet as soon as its metallic tip touched the tablet’s stone surface.

When Punch finished writing this name, Anthracite addressed them, “Now that all four of you are officially Friends of the Dwarves, we will gladly help you break the feys’ curse from the rest of your companions. Cupric!”

As soon as he was called, the dwarven colt stepped forward levitating an iron box.  He opened the box using his magic and from it, levitated an iron nail dangling from the middle of a piece of string.

“Tie these nails on yourselves and those affected. Not only will they break the feys’ curse, but they will also protect you against any of the feys’ future attempts to harm you,” the queen explained.

“As for the feys themselves,” the dwarven wizard added, levitating a folded iron net to Cinnamon Swirl.  “Trap them under this net, and they will be forced to do your bidding until you free them.”

“Why would we want to free them if they’re just going to keep enslaving shipwrecked travelers?” Punch asked as Cinnamon took the net from Argentum.

“Because as sick and twisted as they are, the island depends on their magic, and if we keep them trapped for too long, the whole island will sink, and everything living in it will die, including the dwarves,” Cinnamon explained.

“By the way,” Anthracite continued, “we’re going to need you to return the weapons that you borrowed from the armory.”

Punch sighed and rolled his eyes as he set his backpack on the ground, emptying it of the borrowed weapons.  The last item that he unpacked was the dented wok.

“You know what?  On second thought, keep that one.  Think of it as a souvenir from the kingdom.”


 
Meanwhile, outside of the mountain, almost an entire day had passed.  The sun had not yet set but was already fairly low in the sky.  Back at the spring next to the grove of fluffy trees, two fey ponies were grumbling to each other about how they had once again been outwitted.

“Stupid Cinnamon Swirl and his stupid handicapped friend tricking us into thinking they had eaten our food,” Briar complained.  “No doubt they’ve already rescued Scarlet Plume and that other mare and have already made their way to the dwarves.”

“Don’t forget that the dwarves don’t help anypony who doesn’t pass their Ultimate Challenge,” Bramble attempted to mollify her sister.  “What are the odds that that other mare and that handicapped stallion actually beat the balrog?”

Before Briar could answer, an iron net was thrown over them causing them both to shriek, “Ah!  An iron net!”

“I’d say our odds are pretty good,” Love Tap retorted, as she and Cinnamon smirked triumphantly at their handiwork.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Cinnamon said in a condescending tone.  “We’ll let you out as soon as Punch and Scarlet rescue the ponies that Jim snatched.”

“And after we free the crew from your control.”

“And after you fix our ship, so we can get the heck out of here.”

The two feys just sighed as they resigned themselves to their fate.  “Aw phooey.”
> Grandma's Home
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Wahoo!” exclaimed Princess Little Button as she and her cousin Princess Apple Butter slid down a hill of snow.  Little Button was riding a shield that she had snuck out of the castle armory while Apple Butter was riding a serving tray that she had snuck from the kitchen.  They had sledded this way many times before when they were younger, but now that they were preteens, they had to scrunch a little so that they could fit on their chosen mounts.

The two of them were inside Crown Princess Snow Pea’s bedroom with the rest of their cousins and their friends from Strapgart. Snow Pea was Little Button’s older sister and had used her snow magic to create an entire winter wonderland inside her bedroom.  She didn’t really want to, but it was so hot out that day that her sister and cousins practically begged her to.

Snow Pea and her friend Quill Scarlet were working on a snowpony together while Quill’s sisters, Barberry and Bubble Gum, were having a snowball fight with the twins Skater and Roller Blade.

“Ow!”  Roller Blade cried out as a snowball struck him on the face.  He glared at his assailant before shouting, “That really hurt! You hid a rock in that one, didn’t you, you big jerk?!”

Barberry glared back at him.  “We’re inside.  Where am I supposed to find a rock?”

Skater and Bubble Gum watched the exchange with annoyed expressions.  Skater rolled her eyes while Bubble Gum put a hoof to her face.

“Gangway!” LB cried as she and Apple Butter made a beeline for the snowpony Quill and Snowy were working on.

“Look out!” shouted Quill as he grabbed Snow Pea and pulled her out of the way sending the two of them to the ground as Little Button and Apple Butter crashed through the snowpony and slammed into a wall.

“Are you two okay?” said Snow Pea as she and Quill got up and headed to where LB and Apple Butter had crashed.

She was answered by Apple Butter getting up and shaking the snow off herself and Little Button spitting out a carrot.

Quill turned his head so that he was looking out Snow Pea’s window, and what he saw made his jaw drop.  Through the window, he could just barely make out a ship approaching Marendelle.  It was a ship that he quickly recognized despite having only seen it once.

“Our grandparents are back!” he squealed.

Snow Pea turned and looked out the window, a smile growing on her face as she also recognized the ship.

“They’re back!” she cried as she ran out the room to tell her parents.


 
Meanwhile, in King Button Mash’s study, the king in question had fallen asleep at his desk while looking over some papers.

“Daddy!  They’re back!” Snow Pea shouted as she burst into her father’s study.  Button woke up with a start.

“They’re back!” Button cried as he bolted awake. “Wait.  Who’s back?”

“Grandma and Grandpa.”

“What?!” Button exclaimed as he flipped through his desk calendar.


 
Meanwhile, in the parlor, Button Mash’s wife Queen Sweetie Belle and her sisters Princesses Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were hanging out with their friend Princess Babs Seed of Strapgart.  Their respective husbands Princes Pip, Rumble, and Featherweight were also with them.  Everyone was laughing and chatting over drinks and pastries when King Button Mash burst into the room with Princess Snow Pea following him.

“We need to get ourselves and the castle presentable NOW!” Button cried to everypony’s surprise.

“Why?  Did our parents get back early?” Featherweight joked.

“Yes!”

“What?!” Featherweight cried, eyes widening.  “Are you sure?”

“Snowy and Quill saw the Destiny coming in from her window, and they’re sure it’s the Destiny.”

“B-b-but how could they have gotten here so fast?”


 
“Did you have to make the ship go so fast?” Love Tap exclaimed.  The ship had just docked at the Marendelle harbor, and Love Tap had practically leapt off the ship and was now crouched against the wood of the dock as if she didn’t want to leave solid ground again.

“I wasn’t going that fast,” Scarlet Plume retorted as she got off the ship.  “Besides, I thought we were in a hurry to see the kids and the grandkids again.”

“We were,” Cinnamon Swirl conceded as he followed the mares before snarking, “but we were definitely not in a hurry to die of a heart attack.”

“Aww, come on, we’re not that old,” Punch defended his wife as he wheeled himself down the gangplank.  “Besides, we definitely didn’t live through all that just to get a heart attack and die.”

A few minutes later, a team of page ponies arrived and bowed before them.

“King Button Mash sent us to escort you to the castle and help with your belongings,” the head page announced as he rose.

“We must have caught Button really off guard if he and Sweetie Belle aren’t coming to greet us themselves,” Cinnamon observed.

“Well, at least this way we can get our stuff to where they need to go,” Love Tap pointed out before addressing the pages. “Thank you for the escort and the assistance.  We need some of our bags taken to our manors, and the marked crates are for the museum.”

The rest of the pages rose and got to work transporting the luggage and crates except for the bags containing souvenirs that the two couples had gotten for their families, leaving only the head page to escort them to the castle.


 
A while later, Love Tap, Cinnamon, Scarlet, and Punch entered the throne room and were greeted with hugs and cheers from their grandchildren.

“Oh, hello, my darling girls!” Love Tap exclaimed as she and her granddaughters exchanged kisses.

Punch gave each of his grandchildren a kiss on the top of the head, causing Barberry and Bubble Gum to grimace.

Button Mash and Featherweight along with their wives stepped forward to greet and hug their parents.

“Mom, Dad,” Button greeted.  “We’re all really glad to see you, but we weren’t expecting you until tomorrow at the earliest.”

“We might have underestimated how fast the Destiny can go,” replied Cinnamon Swirl.

“And how fast Scarlet liked driving it,” Love Tap added wearily causing Scarlet to roll her eyes.

“Whoa!  Just how fast were you going, Grammy?” exclaimed Bubble Gum.

“Fast enough to give a pony a heart attack apparently,” Scarlet scoffed giving Cinnamon a pointed look.

“Awesome,” BG gushed.

“Well, I must say, Your Majesty.  Going on your first adventure has done wonders for your complexion,” remarked Sweetie Belle.

“Well, we did spend the last week just relaxing in Haywaii,” Love Tap replied with a laugh.

“Was that all you did?” scoffed Barberry.  “Spend your first time off the island relaxing in Haywaii?”

“Barberry,” Babs scolded her oldest triplet with a sharp glare.

“Yeah, Barb, just how lame do you think our grandparents are?” her sister added.

“Was that all we did?” Cinnamon Swirl countered. “We got captured by poachers, rescued by our biggest fan, nearly got turned into dust by a giant talking stone head.”

“And played the absolute worst game of mini golf in Equestria with possibly the worst mini golf player in all of Equestria,” Punch added.

“At least I came up with a way to stop the balrog,” Love Tap retorted defensively.

Button blinked and shook his head in confusion. “Wait.  Poachers?  Dust? Mini golf?  Balrog?  What? I feel like we’re missing a lot of context here.”

“You are,” Scarlet agreed, “and we’ll tell you all about it later, but first, I think the kids are going to want their presents.”

“Presents?!” Lil, Barberry, and Bubble Gum cried, their eyes lighting up.  Button groaned while Babs put a hoof to her face.

Love Tap smiled as she took out a wooden box out of one the bags.  The box was covered in intricate markings including a relief of a pony head wearing a headdress.

She gave the box to Snow Pea and said, “These are for you to share with your cousins.  There’s one extra, so you all will have to decide what to do with it.”

Apple Butter and the twins ran up and crowded around Snow Pea and Little Button as Snow Pea opened the box and pulled out six jeweled figurines.  She pulled out a sapphire fish, an emerald monkey, a silver snake, an amethyst bird, a ruby cat, and a citrine lizard.  Snowy, Lil, and their cousins oohed as they admired the figurines.

“Dibs on the monkey!” LB shouted as she grabbed the monkey for herself.

“I call the snake!” shouted Roller Blade.

“I’m getting the lizard!” his sister exclaimed.

“I want the cat,” said Apple Butter.

The cousins each took their claimed figurines, leaving the fish and the bird for Snow Pea to choose from.  Snow Pea looked from one figurine to the other, trying to decide between them and trying to decide what to do with the extra one.  Finally, after much deliberation, Snow Pea took the fish for herself and held the bird out to her grandmother.

“You should have one, Grandma,” Snow Pea said, “to remind you of your first adventure.”

“Oh, thank you, sweetheart,” said Love Tap as she pulled her oldest granddaughter in for another hug.

“What do y’all say?” Apple Bloom reminded the children.

“Thank you,” chorused the royal Marendelle children.

Barberry and Bubble Gum gave their friends jealous looks, which Punch noticed.

“Aw, don’t fret.  We haven’t forgotten about you three,” Punch assured his grandchildren as he rummaged through his backpack.  His granddaughters smiled at hearing that.

The triplets held their hooves out expectantly as their grandfather placed something into each set of hooves.  The girls’ faces immediately dropped when they saw just what Punch had given them.

“A dented pan?” said Barberry, holding up her gift in disbelief.

“A tacky rainbow bird mask?” said Bubble Gum.

“Cool!” exclaimed Quill as he held up his gift, oblivious to his sisters’ dissatisfaction.  His gift was a coconut with two holes for eyes with a rather menacing face painted on. “You know, other than the creepy face, this little guy looks pretty cute.”

“That’s exactly what I thought when I saw it in Haywaii, and I just had to get it for one of you,” Punch replied to Quill.  Punch turned to Bubble Gum and continued, “You know, I actually have a picture of your Grammy trying that on.  I’ll let you see it once I develop the film.”

“Did you make her look ugly?” Bubble Gum asked with a mischievous smile.

“If I did, which I didn’t, what makes you think I’d say so with her in the room,” Punch ribbed, getting a laugh out of Bubble Gum.

Punch had the biggest smile on his face as he turned to Barberry, “I don’t mean to make your brother and sister jealous, but you got the best present out of all of them.  That’s 100% dwarven iron, incredibly sturdy and great for breaking fey curses and shielding yourself from a fiery doom.”

“You don’t say,” Barberry muttered.

“Thanks, Gramps,” said Quill.

For a while, the girls said nothing but just glanced from their gifts to each other.  After a while, Bubble Gum decided that as tacky-looking as the mask was, its incredible craftsponyship was undeniable.  Besides, if little else, she could always wear it as part of a Nightmare Night costume.

“Thank you, Gramps,” she said to her grandfather.

Barberry on the other hoof didn’t know what to say. Her grandfather was really proud of the gift he had gotten her, and she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but she couldn’t help but feel the most disappointed out of all the triplets, especially since Roller Blade kept making an annoying face at her.

“Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!  My gift is better than yours,” it seemed to say.

Barberry’s blood boiled just looking at it.  She was mad at Roller for making fun of her, and she was even madder at herself for secretly agreeing with him.  However, before she can get too angry, her sister nudged her, getting her attention.  Bubble Gum tilted her head towards their grandparents, reminding Barberry thank them for the gifts.

“Thanks,” Barberry said flatly.  If Punch noticed his granddaughter’s disappointment, he didn’t show it.

“Come on, everypony,” said Cinnamon Swirl.  “Let’s head to the parlor so we can tell you about our trip over tea.”

Everypony headed to the parlor with the children bringing in the rear.

“Hey, I’ll trade ya for the snake,” Barberry whispered to Roller Blade.

“Tough nuts,” Roller scoffed.  He was answered with a dented wok to the gut.

“You know what?  I take my trade offer back.  I think I like my gift after all.”


 
After several rounds of storytelling and tea and cakes, Button left the parlor and returned with a few letters.

“I’ve been having the servants collect your mail while you were away,” he explained handing the letters to his parents, Scarlet, and Punch.  “Some of them look important.”

“Hey,” Punch exclaimed as he opened one of the letters.  “This one’s from my friend from the circus.”

“The one who gave you your bottomless backpack?” his wife asked.

“One and the same,” Punch replied as he read the letter.  “Looks like Wheeler has finally decided to retire from trapeze and is moving to Sire’s Hollow.  You know, we should pay him a visit soon, especially considering how his present helped saved us from a lot of scrapes in our last adventure.”

“I’ll make a note of that,” answered Scarlet.

“Check this one out, Love,” Cinnamon noted, holding up a particular letter.  “It’s from some guy named Quirk Fog.  Says he works for the publishing company that publishes Daring Do’s books and that he wants to meet up with us for an interview.”

“What for?” asked Love Tap.

“He thinks that our adventure through the Temple of Olmec would make a great kids’ game show and wants our side of the story so that he can better design a game off of it.”

“Well, I suppose we’ll have time for an interview. I just hope the poor guy doesn’t end up too disappointed when his game show doesn’t catch on.”

“Agreed.”

At this point, Little Button decided to climb up her grandmother’s lap and give Love Tap a big hug.

“I’m really glad you’re home, Grandma,” LB said.

“You know what?” Love Tap began with a smile. “Me too.  Going out on a big adventure like the one’s I’ve always read about has been more amazing than my wildest dreams, but at the end of the day, there really is no place like home.”

“No, there isn’t,” Cinnamon agreed.