These two royal alicorns: cunning sun and gullible moon, go about their childish conversations and attitudes whenever nopony is looking-- well, except for a certain Purple alicorn. And you're involved, too.
Maybe that's why they're so out of character. This is an ongoing series of experimental, dialogue-powered scenarios that revolves around Celestia, Luna, and Twilight. Oh, and pretty much everything, everypony, or anything else they run into. And you. Yes, literally you. All of you. This whole site.
Warning, contains: [epic battles, O-O-C ponies, impossible scenarios, manipulation, chapters with words in them, cute noises, adorable thinking, dreaming, spoiler bars, multiple plots in one plot, one major plot to cover for all of the multiple plots, continuity, eye-candy, trolling, whining, pixels, giant hammers, the konami code, the end of the world, a glass barrier, Discord, an impossible use of thousands of weapons at once, coffee, tea, romance books, control over the fourth plane, cake, communication through writing, bro/pega hoofing the author, love, fourth wall-breaking, enticing conversations, you as a (rising) major character, outer space and um, what else... ponies? Wait, how is any of this bad?]
I am also not responsible if you encounter these fully natural, human reactions: ["I can't evens", hnnngs, warm feelings, genuine laughter, sense of your faith in humanity regrowing, the question of "which spoiler bar will get bigger?", massive table flipping, "please sir, may I have another", the question of "what is even this society anymore?", genuine cuteness, the feeling of epicness, inspiration to write your own derpy story, fancy top hats, monocles, what have you dones, epic wins, o shoot waddups, other memes, and uh, general joy and less of a loneliness knowing that someone cared enough to properly mindf-- you while keeping it cute, and er, anger because you need to know what happens next. Oh. And don't forget cancer scumbag brain.]
Determined for about five minutes now, a worked-up Luna is tapping her hind leg on the ground, staring eagerly out the window with the highest of anticipations. Oh dear... Celestia should have known better. Whenever her sister catches a word of something she wants, she always turns out like this.
"Big sis! Is it here yet?"
"No."
"How about now?"
"Nope."
"Now?"
"Nu-uh."
"N-"
"Stop asking me!"
Luna frowns. "But sis, I can't wait!"
Why did I even tell her in the first place? The sun mare thinks.
About thirty seconds passes on by.
"So--"
"Nope."
"But, I wasn't going to ask that!"
"I knew you were. I'm older, after all."
"No I wasn't!"
"Yes you were."
"No I wasn't!"
"Yes you were."
"Oh, fooey."
This time, a minute passes on by. Luna whistles.
"So, what's in the package?"
"Not telling."
"Please?"
"No."
"Just a hint?"
To this, Celestia takes a moment.
"Maybe."
"Oh, yes yes yes yes!" Luna bounces gleefully.
"But only if you hug me."
"What?"
"Hug me."
"No!"
"Fine. No hint for you, then."
Luna considers her current position; she has a very deep fear of hugs. But she needs that hint.
"Okay."
The younger sis makes do with a poke to Celestia's shoulder.
"What was that?"
"My-- my hug. D-don't judge!" Luna's cheeks are flushed with a rosy pink, quickly turning around and covering up with her hooves.
"Wow. You've really got a lot to learn."
"I'm scared of hugs! Okay? There, I said it." Realizing what she just said, the moon pony covers her mouth with a jump.
"Oh... scared, huh?"
A very sly plan jumps into the sun pony's mind.
"Then, if you don't hug me, I won't give you your package."
"But sis!"
"Ah ah- no whining."
"But-"
"No buts, either."
This time, three minutes passes.
"Sis?"
"Have you decided to hug me?"
"No! I was just wondering...is..."
"Hm?"
"Is it here yet?"
"Hugs first."
Luna can't take this anymore.
"Fine," she says, giving her big sis a hug, blushing.
"Hehe! There wasn't a package. I just wanted a hug."
"SIS!!"
"What?"
Luna immediately tears up.
"You lied to me!"
The doorbell suddenly rings, and the moon mare quickly forgets about Celestia.
"Wee!" Luna squeals. She flings the door open. It's just Twilight Sparkle.
"Twilight?"
"Hello, Princess Luna! I was just wondering if Celestia was here today."
"Oh... Celestia, huh? You didn't want to see me?"
"Well, not particularly..."
Once again, the dark blue equine tears up.
"That hurt, Twilight. That hurt."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"But! I'll forgive you if you tell me where the package is."
"Package? What package?"
"The. Package," Luna glares. Celestia comes to the door.
"Oh, Twilight! Nice to see you here."
"Hello, Princess Celestia. What's this about a package?"
"Yes yes yes, what about it, big sis?" The moon pony jumps up and down in excitement, boxes in her eyes.
"I'll tell you if you hug Twilight."
"WHAT?"
"Go on. She's waiting."
Luna looks to the purple mare, and Twilight turns her head with a flush. "Oh, Celestia..."
"Hug her... and become one with the package!"
"Okay! Okay!"
Luna hugs Twilight with what seems like a poke on the shoulder.
"What?" The student blinks, staring.
"D-don't judge!!" The moon mare hides her rosy cheeks.
"Don't be shy now, Luna. You're just a hug away from knowing what I got for you."
"You promise?"
"Uh-huh."
"You won't lie again?"
"Nu-uh."
"O-okay..."
Luna hugs Twilight, and Celestia wraps them in a box adding a tag on top.
To: fimfiction.net
From: Celestia
"Here's your package, Luna! Enjoy the ride!"
Twilight lights up her horn within the dark box. Luna is gazing at her.
"Oh my gosh. No way," she says.
"What?" The purple mare asks.
"Ohmygoshthisissoexciting!"
"I don't see your point."
"Twilight, we were the package all along! My sis is so smart!" The moon mare exclaims, rubbing her own cheeks.
"But, where are we going?"
"Who cares! I never thought I'd be a package!
"And that's a good thing, how?"
"Well, because... just because!"
"You're not making sense."
"I said it. We're a package just because!"
"But that's not a good reason. You can't just 'because'."
Five minutes pass.
"Want to hug again?"
"No."
"Okay..."
Eventually, ten minutes pass, and the box opens.
"Where are we?"
"It seems to be some kind of quiet, observation room. And we're the subjects."
Luna taps on the glass, facing you.
"Hello? Is anypony out there?"
Twilight turns. "Princess Luna, they can't hear you-- they can only read you."
The moon mare blinks.
About ten seconds pass as the two ponies stare at you.
"I like this creature! They don't ask me to give them hugs."
"...now that, I can agree with."
II: Celestia Ships All of Equestria (Luna's Secret)
Two minutes in, and Luna looks like she's having a great time sitting on her chair. Celestia and her are having quite the dinner party, and are sitting on opposite sides amidst a super long, royal table. Nopony else is around. Luna is concentrating her magical horn and poking at a piece of lettuce on her plate, trying to get it to stick to her fork, but no matter what she tries, the food seems capable of consciously dodging her steel. She stabs at it faster, puffing and making cute noises every time she misses. Celestia raises a question seeing this, chuckling behind a hoof.
"Luna, why not just levitate the food and eat it that way?" Says the hypocritical sun mare, using her fork to expertly plop a piece of bread into her mouth.
"But-- I'm not little anymore! Why don't you do it?"
"Me, do it? Ha! That's for fillies." She snickers.
"Hmf! Sis, I'm not a filly!"
"Yes you are."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are!"
"No I'm not!"
"What are you, then?"
Fifteen seconds passes.
"Not a filly." Luna attempts to stab at a piece of bread, but she misses, causing her to whine quietly to herself, her adorable sounds echoing about the room as Celestia once again rewards herself with a silent giggle.
"Certainly still a filly. So, how did it feel to be your very own package?"
"Ooh! Ooh! It was great, sis!" The moon pony hops about in her chair, completely forgetting the argument. Stars twinkle in her eyes. "I really enjoyed it." She sits back down, suddenly serious for once. "But, if I may ask...?"
"Do tell." Celestia leans forward with a sly smile.
"T--Twilight..."
"Yes?"
"Twilight..."
"Mhm?"
"Twilight didn't want to hug me!" Luna cries out, slumping down in her chair and placing her fore hooves in between her legs, looking off to the side and letting her fork drop on the plate. She levitates and chomps onto a piece of bread to vent her feelings, speaking with her mouth full, "she wafth too inferested in... wellnhhm, thafh creachurr." She points towards the glass, referring to you. "Somefingth abouf a obvervacchun woom."
"What?"
Luna gulps down the edible material. Blatantly, she screams out, "I want Twilight to hug me!" Two firm hooves slam upon the table, causing everything upon it to get about three seconds of air. Nonetheless, everything lands perfectly.
"I thought you were scared of hugs?" Celestia digs into a piece of radish.
"Well-- no-- um... well..." The young sister blushes, immediately covering herself, regretting her words.
"And confined spaces?"
"Um, hmm..."
"And the color purple?"
"Siiiiiis..." Luna's nose is just above the edge of the table.
"And being sent off to unknown places where you'd possibly never be able to come back, if not for you and Twilight being alicorns?"
"SIS!!"
The older equine blinks. "Oh. Did you say anything?"
Luna shakes her head and returns to her normal resting position. "Listen, sis... can I tell you something?"
Celestia immediately slides her chair over to Luna, knocking all of the other useless chairs out of the way, and is really, really close all of a sudden. "Ooh, do I smell a... secret?" She says, her nostrils sniffing as she whispers upon her sister's ear. The moon pony's fur tingles against her sister's refined voice.
"Um... no. It's not a secret."
"What is it, then?" Celestia raises her eyebrows up and down multiple times.
"I don't want to say now!"
"Squeeeeeeeee! It's a secret!" The sun mare covers her mouth with both of her hooves.
"Sis, it's not!"
"It is!" She leans in closely to Luna. "Don't worry, I won't tell..."
"You promise?"
"Uh-huh. You know I never break them."
"You won't tell?"
"Uh uh." Celestia puts a hoof up to the closest ear, waiting for the moon pony's words.
"Okay... well... um..."
"Yes?"
"Umm..."
"Hmmmmmm?"
"Sis I can't tell you!"
"I KNEW IT! You like Twilight Sparkle!" Celestia throws her fore hooves into the air, celebrating. "I'll make arrangements for the wedding."
"No... it's not that!"
"It will be massively, entirely big, and it will be announced throughout all of Equestria! I can imagine the theme. 'Sparkling night.' Celestia hugs herself, completely out of this world by now.
"Big sis, no!"
"And there'll be sparkles, and moons, and spaceships, and planets. What will the kid be named? Hehe!"
"SIS!" Her scream rumbles about the whole foundation, and every single guard within the castle has to take a moment to lift themselves up from the ground.
The sun mare is done with her moment. "Mmnf. Good stuff. What were you saying?"
"That's not my secret! N-not that I have a secret!" Luna is blushing furiously, hiding it with her mane.
"Fine. Then just tell me a non-secret!"
"Okay." A breath of air flows into the moon equine.
"I don't like giving hugs but I like getting hugs."
"Excuse me. What was that?"
"I don't like giving hugs but I like getting hugs."
"I can't hear you."
"I don't like giving hugs but I like getting hugs! There, I said it."
"Huh? Something got caught in my ears." Celestia pretends to clear them out, one by one.
"But big sis, any louder, and everyone will hear!"
Celestia is whistling.
"...Sis? Can you hear me?" Luna gives her a poke.
This time around she's just downright pretending to ignore the sibling.
"Sis..." She begins to tear up. "Do you not like me anymore because of my non-secret? Should I have kept it a secret?"
"I'm not listening until you say it out loud." (Celestia had already heard her non-secret.)
"But... sis..."
"I'm sorry. No hugs for you until you say the non-secret really loud."
This is the point of no return. Luna needs that hug from big sis. She needs it. Now. More than ever. She bites her lip.
"Fine..."
She huffs and puffs her lungs out, and lets the whole world know her non-secret.
"I don't like giving hugs but I like getting hugs!"
...
"Three, two, one..." Celestia looks at the door.
Instantly, so many ponies dash in and jump on the moon pony, bursting through the door and bombarding her with a mountain of repressed love and tight snuggles.
"Hehe! As promised, I kept to my word of not telling anypony. But... I guess, since it's a non-secret, everypony should know." Celestia chomps down on Luna's piece of lettuce as she watches the enormous storm of hugs enact upon her sister with the force of a thousand horses.
"Big... sis..." Luna disappears in the mountain of loving bodies, while Celestia returns to her side of the long table and sits down to take a long, soothing hot sip of 'winning.'
Luna is moaning and groaning about in a full body cast, making whimpering noises and crying. Celestia is at the side of her bed, sitting on a chair and reading this week's Equestrian newspaper, levitating it with her horn, of course. After about a minute, Luna works up the heart to say something. Her 'pain' texts float about in the air.
"Big ow... sis?"
"Yes, Luna?"
"I don't like non-secrets anymore. sniff. It gives me ouchies."
"Aw, I'm sorry. Would you like your super-special big sis hug now?"
"Ooh! Ooh! squee! Yes! I wouldn't miss it for the world! It's been too long since you've hugged me!" Instantly, Luna's frown shifts into a very elated grin, and there are still some dried-out sobs on her face from the pain. Celestia drops the newspaper and levitates a tissue from across the room, wiping her sister's face off with a warm smile.
"Really? But, you've just been hugged by everypony, hmn... only about," Celestia lets the tear-soaked tissue drop to the floor, and she counts her hoof to make sure, tapping on it with her other hoof as she rocks about in the chair. Her sister waits patiently, with another wave of eeps and eeks roaming about the room as she remembers her prior condition.
Twenty seconds passes. She confirms her numbers, carries the zero-- presses enter, and nods to herself, but then shakes her head and grunts. Some nurses pass by the room, hearing a symphony of frustrated noises and adorable, uncomfortable sounds-- and immediately, having put their ears curiously against the door, they blush furiously and rush on by, giggling to themselves. Celestia finally has the right calculation.
"...five-hundred fifty-four million, nine-hundred sixty-five thousand, two-hundred seventy-eight times. An average of sixteen times per pony."
Luna blinks, looking about her sister's hoof curiously and straining her neck in the cast to see if anything's there. "Sis, how can you count that many numbers with just your hooves?"
"Hehe! It's a secret." Celestia has an invisible, magic calculator on her hoof, and she snickers. The calculator poofs away.
"Aww...! Well, at least it's not a non-secret."
"Never mind that, Luna. Did you still want that hug?"
Luna's face goes back to a smile. "Oh, yes yes yess! Pleeeaase. After so many hugs, I still want your hug, big sis!" She bounces around in her body cast. "ouchie... eee..."
"My hug, huh? But, what about..."
"Wha?"
"Oh, I'm not sure. Let's just say, a certain pony?"
Luna gets triggered all of a sudden, unable to contain her chill. "You mean, her? Hmf! If she had just hugged me, none if this would have happened!"
Celestia raises her fore hooves in the air. "AHA! So... you DO like her! Weeeddding time!" She says, pulling out a red and yellow dress. "How's this look?"
The moon pony, realizing what she just said aloud, can't cover her enormous embarrassment this time. "S--s--s-SIS!! That's not who I'm talking about!" She tries to get out of the cast, only resulting in more pain and gasps of horse cuteness.
"Oh, silly. I saw the color in your text. It's obvious." Celestia turns to wink at you.
"Text? What text?"
"Nothing, nothing!" The sun pony brushes her question off, and she leans in closely, once again tickling her sister's ear with her enticing, flowing voice. "But... I can get her to hug you," she whispers. Luna's whole body tingles as she feels a satisfying chill run across her spine.
Oh, sis, I kind of like it when you do this, actually... Luna thinks.
"You want Twilight to whisper in your ear like this... don't you?"
U-um, no, that's not what I was thinking!
"And you want her to hug you, don't you?"
Yes, please! I mean, no... why is it as if you can hear my every single thought? I think I should stop thinking now.
"Ssh..." Celestia covers her sibling's mouth with a hoof. "Let big sis handle this."
In an instant, Celestia has teleported to Twilight's castle.
"TWILIGHT! It's an emergency, come quick! Somepony is in trouble!"
The bookworm is in the middle of a chapter. "After this, Celestia. The stallion and the mare are about to..."
"There's no time for that! You need to go now--" Unfortunately, the sun princess sees the title of the book, and her eyes widen out of surprise. "Oh my gosh, you're reading Rose on the Window Sill, Part Five?!"
"Yes, why?"
"Scoot over, let's talk."
"C-Celestia..?"
My dear student, you've just gotten-- well, as Rainbow Dash would put it-- 20% cooler. She sits down next to the purple pony. "So, where are you? Tell me all about it! What part are you liking the most? Have you read the other four parts? Have you met the pony who wrote it?" She can barely contain herself around Twilight. The mentor had become the child.
"U-um..." Twilight looks uncomfortable, blushing just as fast as Celestia had sat down. She attempts to brush her off. "Who did you say was in danger, again? Eh heh..."
...Meanwhile, Luna is sitting in the hospital room-- unable to move- and is completely lonely. She looks at you, catching that you are an all-seeing being that can be anywhere at once.
"Just so we're clear... I don't like Twilight. B-big sis is just fetching her b-because... well-- she owes me a hug!"
She turns away from you; an obvious, subtle flush on her face.
Twilight, who is in the room with her dear mentor, is getting very, very uncomfortable right now. The sun mare just won't stop bothering her, and she's acting like a total child! Where was her seriousness just a moment ago?
"Sppparrrkle! So? Tell me all about it! Come on! I need to know!"
"No way. You said somepony needed help!"
"Story first, ponies later. Wait, what came first: the story, or the ponies?"
"Not this question again, princess..."
"Answer me!"
"I refuse to!"
"Very well then; you must duel me." The sun pony teleports the two of them into an unknown void.
"Celestia, where have you taken us?"
"Quiet!" She yells out at her. "You know what happens when you disobey your mentor."
"Oh no. No no no. I'm sorry! I just need to see what happens to the stallion and the mare!" By this time, Twilight is sweating by the gallons.
"Well, it's too late to take it back, Twilight!" With what sounds like a thousand years of practiced evil laughs beforehand, Celestia effortlessly summons a massive, soul-eating blade, filled to the brim with red glowing energy-- and not only that, it duplicates itself five thousand times, all pointed at the purple alicorn within a matter of ten seconds. "You had plenty of time to answer me! NOW! Face your DOOM!"
She pulls her horn back, and each and every single one of the blades retracts, and then flies toward the mare with a flick of the wrist-- and a sip of coffee for that extra oomph. She did miss her afternoon nap, of course.
"Celestia! I don't understand why you're attacking me like this!" The purple alicorn musters up a shield, and when the swords connect, they barely stab through, causing Twilight to wince at the sight.
"It's called adrenaline, Twilight! Every author gets it, when suddenly all they want to do is write action! So. I need to DELIVER!" She puts a hoof to her chin. "All this because my dear sister won't get her certain package, too. Hum. Oh well! DIE with a one!"
With a few snaps in every direction, and a front flip to confirm, Twilight's shield cracks-- and eventually fades into worthless dust.
"Well. If it's a fight you want, then," Twilight poofs the book away. "It's a fight you're going to get! I'M an author too!"
She whips out a writer's badge.
"No! Impossible! I thought you were just a book worm!"
"That's what you thought! Now."
Twilight focuses some form of energy within her, and after only a matter of seconds, the flying swords that Celestia had are all at once deflected by a plethora of shotguns that knocks the soul-eating weapons into the void.
"Quite impressive, my dear student, but it only builds from here!"
Celestia responds with her own, thousand custom-made sniper rifles.
"Squad? Take aim! Fire!"
"Not if I can stop it!"
Immediately, the shotguns that Twilight once had transmutes into miniguns.
"You wouldn't dare!"
"I do dare, thank you!"
And so, the barrage of deadly bullets against oceans of pellets begins.
Discord is just taking his afternoon stroll in the void when he somehow sees that Celestia and Twilight are having the ultimate showdown right in the middle of space, and most importantly, right in front of his face. Oo, burn, Discord. Good thing I'm just the narrator of your current reading, he didn't hear that-- hopefully. Most of all, his space, and they're blocking the (unseen) pathway that he usually takes. He teleports in between the midst of their angst.
"Alicorns! Alicorns! Just what is going on here? Can a fellow Discord just not get his fix of a hike?" He crosses his arms and waits for their response, and he also looks at you, as if you were to blame for all of this. Immediately, the two stop to blink, and then they conclude to fire towards him instead. "Woooah! Ooh! Ahh! Eee!" He's doing his best to dodge approximately two thousand shotguns, five hundred mini-guns, a thousand sniper rifles, two million pistols, five hundred bazookas, and fifteen plasma cannons all at once. And a random Celestia plushie. "Waaaah! How did this even happen?"
"She won't answer my question!" Celestia yells out, doubling all amounts of guns she currently has.
"She won't take me to the pony that needs help!" Twilight increases the velocity of her bullets.
Discord stops trying to dodge, he looks about, and then he thinks of something. "Hmmn. I suppose the two of you need some serious help, then. Allow me!"
He summons two chairs right then and there, and to add, a nice, cozy big chair for himself. He locks the two of them in stasis and pretends to reel them both in with his short arms. All of the guns float about and are rendered useless, and both of the alicorns are frozen-- Celestia has an angry look, and Twilight has a brave one.
"Pffft. Hahah! You should see the look on your two faces right now." He summons forth some mirrors for them to see; no reaction. "Oh. Right. You're both in stasis. Ah well, that's no fun." He turns them back into their normal selves. "So, what was this... question, Celestia?"
"What came first! The story, or the ponies?"
"Obviously the writer."
Celestia blinks. "Oh my. I didn't think of that."
"But then, what came first? The writer, or the author?"
"Now now, Twilight. Don't go asking questions that are above your current power level. But, if you insist... the writer's parents!" He smiles and his one-tooth sparkles in the dark void. Both Celestia and Twilight laugh their flanks off.
The purple alicorn continues. "So, how was your day, Celestia?"
"Oh, it was something..."
"Wait, Princess, wasn't there somepony that needed help?"
"Nah! They're fine. They're a big pony now, they can handle themselves."
And so, the pleasant conversation between two alicorns and a draconequus carries on... of course, still leaving Luna in the hospital. There is a knock on the door, and at this point, Luna is comfortable enough to turn her head.
"Celestia? Are you there?"
The door opens shyly. "Princess, may I come in?" A voice starts.
"Sure!" Luna smiles.
A certain aqua mare with silver hair about her peeks past the door, seemingly covering something on her face.
"Oh. Trixie?"
"Luna, I--I-..."
Trixie's eyes dart over to you, or so you think. They then focus back on Luna.
"I wanted to hug you..." Reluctantly, her cheek passes the door and she looks down with tears on her face, blush as red as it could ever be. "But. Nopony would let me."
"Please, Trixie." Luna giggles. "You have part of the moon on your butt! Why wouldn't I let you hug me?"
"Because Twilight wouldn't let me." Her tears are falling at this point. Luna takes a moment to acknowledge her sadness, but then again, she just has to ask something.
"Wait. You don't happen to have a package, do you?" The moon pony bounces about. Most of her pain has disappeared by now. "Because, if you do, I'll let you hug me twice!"
"Package? What package?" Trixie looks up excitedly, forgetting that she was ever crying.
"Go, Trixie, go. Find me the package I need! Find me... TWILIGHT! She's the package!" Luna grins with a corrupt smile.
"Okay, Luna!"
She shuts the door happily.
The blue alicorn turns to you.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that? I just figured, why not get them to hug me... at the same time?! Weee!" She fantasizes as she snickers to herself.
You stare hopelessly as she wiggles around in her cast. If anything, you want to hug her too.
Luna is snoozing about in dreamland, and you can't help but wonder just how she fell asleep within a matter of seconds. She must have been overwhelmed from the pure thoughts of Trixie and Twilight hugging her to their arm's content. Her cast shakes about as she has sudden urges and twitches every now and then. Once in a while, she purrs like a kitten. In fact...
"Oh... (twitch) Twilight, let me be your student... hug me tight... teach me true friendship..." she mutters. "Mnf-- Trixie- I didn't know you were so experienced in cuddling... surely (snore), the great and huggable mare... eee... now I can't decide... purr."
All you can do is watch her go about her moon cuteness as her questionable texts float about the air with reddish-pink hearts bubbling and popping about them. You tap on the glass-- of course, the noise doesn't register on her side of the wall. Figures. But, you really want to hug Luna. Now. Or whenever, before you go insane. You need her otherworldly hug. You want her soft, gravity-defying fur to literally launch you out of earth and towards the moon.
She's such a silly one. But right here, right now, all of her everyday excitement and cute gestures aren't on her face. She looks... normal. You want to see her face light up in joy. You want to see her flap her wings in excitement. You want her to hug you. You can't help but recall when she first acknowledged your presence; when she at first said, 'I like this creature! They don't ask me to give them hugs,' you took that as a joke-- but now, seeing your current condition, you as a human being in a different dimension can't ask for anything. That's right. Nothing. Ever. Never ever super forever, rhymes with clever. Whoever had done this to you must be thinking way too hard. Even still, there has to be someone who has gotten through this glass barrier before.
In any case, you decide to try and say Luna's name aloud-- but it's just a dull, nonexistent space rift on your side of the wall. It's as if you can read them, but you can't communicate with them. You will always merely be reading them, even though they know you're reading them. So, surely, in immediate angst from this thought, you close your fists tightly until you see the veins pop out. With all of your strength, you slam your fists against the wall in an attempt to do a wombo combo like the video games, but sweet Celestia- that thing is as hard as steel. A status bar appears above the glass barricade: Level 999, resistant to all damage. And your status: N/A, please check again later. Well. No amount of 'Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start' can get you out of this one. As you are waiting patiently for you hands to recover, you notice that Luna suddenly looks frustrated, and it appears her dream has taken a wrong turn.
"B-but-- I just wanted... Trix? Twi? You won't hug me ever again? You're... (wing twitch) you're kidding, right?" She nibbles on her own mane. "Oh, that's okay then..." shining, fresh drool trails onto the bed as a natural reflex twitches one of her hind legs. "Now, you two hug each other and be best... zzz... friends... I'll be here... in the corner... not getting huggies." Tears trickle down her cheeks, drenching the supporting pillow.
At this point, you just can't help but sit down and wait for the pony to wake up from her nap. You would switch views to see what Celestia, Discord, and Twilight are up to, but this moon mare sleep-talking to herself is just too cute to not look at. Besides, they're probably going about a casual, friendly conversation.
"HEY! Whatchu doing?!" You jump so far out of your bones that you actually have to aim your body to land properly on them as you fall. You crane your neck; it pops, snaps, and eventually gives in with a turn. Pink. All you see is pink in front of your face on this side of the barrier; a cute, bright pony in front of you, staring at you with very bright, sparkling eyes, as if you were the most interesting thing she had ever seen before. Pupils dilate as she adjusts to your appearance. After blinking, she pokes at a stray hair on her mane, realigns it to her liking, and soon she's back to staring at you with her loving, sky blue oglers. You put up your finger to say something, but of course, nothing comes out because this isn't your dimension.
"Can't talk, hm?" As a solution, the pink mare pulls out a quill and a piece of paper. She stares at you in curiosity, smelling of cherries and bouncing up and down. "Ooh! Ooh! Wait, let me guess," she looks to her left, and then to her right. With the sweetest, lollipop breath, she whispers, "you weren't expecting me, were you? I was busy helping out Starlight and Trixie with their plans!" She puts a hoof to her chin, and looks up into the air. "They said something about... a package? Oh, and I'm Pinkie Pie, by the way!" Without another second, she drops the quill and paper, whipping out her party cannon and firing a couple of rounds up into the empty darkness, seemingly filling it with life. She takes out two party hats, puts one on both you and her, and then she pulls out a party blower and a cake. "Here!" She passes you a slice just before her mouth opens to consume the whole rest of the treat, swallowing the thing entirely-- it stretches her throat until it shrinks into her stomach. "Mm, tasty!" The mare licks her lips. After deeming her impulses satisfied, she sits there and waits patiently, as if she were expecting something from you. Oh. You remember that you're supposed to be writing something.
But first, you just have to try that golden, white cake.
VI: Twilight is Not Fancily Amused (Starlight's Plot)
Discord and Celestia now have fancier chairs, whilst Twilight is still in a normal, floating metal chair. The two of them are drinking tea, both having equipped monocles and top hats. Purple is simply over there scribbling out her questions and concerns, twisting and turning floating paper here and about, as if she had already calculated some massive idea that nopony has thought of before. The multitude of guns are still floating around.
Chaos himself pokes about a Celestia plushie that had unpredictably spawned in the midst of the intense battle. He begins, steadily holding tea in his other hand. "If I do say so myself, Celestia, this afternoon stroll has been quite the... amusement." He quits playing with the plushie and pushes it off into the void, leaving his free hand to rest upon his chin as he meets his royal friend's gaze.
Sun takes a very long sip before answering him. "Indeed, Discord. I hold no doubts in your proposal that, before the stories, ponies and the writer, was the writer's parents all along."
"Ah, yes. I'm wiser than you after all, you shining mare, you. Of course I would know these things far greater than-- oh, how do you put it-- anypony else?"
He emphasizes pony, and for some reason the old timers bust out laughing. After quite the intricate array of chuckles and chives, Celestia praises the One(s).
"Ah yes. Where would we be if a certain Site weren't reading us right now?"
You probably didn't think that you could simultaneously exist while Pinkie Pie is paused in time back where the hospital resides. The pink pony has blatantly had more than her fix of the fourth wall, but, since she is not the main character of this dimension, you have taken a moment to leave her be (to her own separate, hidden plot) and bask in the sun mare's well-declared compliment. Fourth wall experienced as she is, she has no control over what the power of a writer can do for you. Brohoof? Pegahoof? No matter. Carry on.
So, as you're holding the piece of cake that the hyper mare had supplied, you decide to finally have a highly anticipated munch at the white and golden treat, and upon your beautiful discovery, it tastes-- dear Luna! Absolutely glorious. A creamy ocean of vanilla surrounds your thirsting tongue with a smooth, wavy cool taste that arrests your entire foundation, efficiently locking your mouth within a DEFCON 5 zone as the chilling ice cream clears out the area, leaving no pore untouched. You hardly wish to swallow after such an icy relief, especially as a bit of a tangy lemon aftertaste reveals itself atop the golden curls.
When your mouth is deemed satisfied, your stomach begs to digest the treat, and deciding that enough is enough, you swallow. The drastically relieving mix of lemon and vanilla seems to tingle upon your esophagus as it brings your whole body to a room temperature of seventy-two degrees-- perfect enough for a well-deserving sentient being such as you. After all, being a humantrapped in a glass room for so long starts to work up the heat within the general vicinity.
Anywhom, after being well-quenched by the first refreshing bite alone, you nearly forget to remain consciously attentive to the cheery crowd (and the one stray thinker) in front of you. The cake awaits loyally on the floor as you decide to save it for later, and just then, the young alicorn is about to start.
"Uhm--" Discord immediately holds a finger up.
"Ah ah ah, Twilight. You have to look fancy, in order to obtain this answer." A sly smile can't help but turn up on his face.
A few seconds pass, and Discord and Celestia are about to resume.
"But--" Once again, he holds the finger up.
"Top hat and monocle first. Unless... Celestia never taught you how to spawn one on yourself?" A rogue eyebrow flies up so high, it's almost as if he lost it to the void itself.
Rolling her eyes, she poofs a monocle and a top hat on her face.
About three seconds passes.
To your surprise, Trixie's flank is her monocle, and Starlight is her top hat.
"It worked, Trix!" Starlight raises her hooves in the air. "I told you this spell would work!" She looks down, seeing that she's sitting atop Twilight's head, Celestia and Discord's lungs are cringing from sheer laughter, and both of their top hats and monocles have flown off into the weightlessness of the void.
"Aha!" Trixie responds, "good job, Glimmie!" But she only sees two oldies in front of her. "What? Where's Twilight? And where's you?"
The two ancient ones point behind her. She tries to turn around, but the anti-gravity within the void won't let her. "H-- how come I can't move?"
You are very, very amused seeing that Twilight has two, big red suns growing on her own cheeks.
"T-t-t-tr--" she works out, gaining in her redness. And then you realize, oh shoot. Waddup. That's not just blushing.
"TRIXIE!"
The whole void has to absorb her sound wave as each of the other fellows instinctively covers their ears. Having torn Starlight and Trixie's partial moon butt off of herself, she grits her teeth as she increases in redness, covering herself in raging flames. Oh no. There's only one episode where you've seen this before. You say your prayers, though half hoping that the approaching soundwave into your glass barrier will shatter-- sadly, it just bounces off in random directions and does nothing. Disappoint, Twilight. Disappoint.
Nonetheless, Starlight, Trixie, Discord, and Celestia find themselves face-to-face with the angriest pony of them all...
You choose to not give a hoot about the intense battle that is about to go down in the middle of space, preferably changing your view back to Pinkie and Luna. Down here on the planet, the atmosphere is extremely orange, almost as if a meteor were going to hit earth, but then again, you already know the exact flank that caused this to happen. Several citizens have finally decided that the world is going to end, and everypony outside starts running amok to do things they weren't ever able to do before. You can't help but chuckle. Signs, things breaking apart, strikes, boycotts, angry ponies, broken windows, and spontaneous flames everywhere.
Is this what it would be like for your world to end? You wonder.
Of course, that poor moon pony is still in her cast. Though-- it seems like these two completely immature mares are having a relatively normal interaction of their own, especially when compared to the rest of the crazed Ponyville.
"Here comes the shooting star, Luna!" Pinkie teases, holding a spoonful of chocolate pudding. The Moon opens her mouth, her tongue sticking slightly past her lower lip as it glistens under the room's artificial lighting. Pinkie makes sound effects with what sounds like a whole lot of ssppppheewwws, froooooooooos, and neeeeeeeeeuulls; she unpredictably cycles it around the bed until she flips it over and plops it onto the eager equine's rosy taste buds. The spoon feeder then blows into a party horn and lets loose with a load of confetti into the air.
Luna tries to speak. "Uhh. Ainth, Ankie!" She gratefully retracts her tongue into her mouth, downing the offering; both night and party then giggle until two certain, bright blue eyes finally slip into contact with yours. Right away, she pulls out her own paper and bites down on a quill, frantically scribbling something as it zips around on Luna's cast. After thirty seconds, she drops the writing utensil and nips onto the paper, holding it horizontally for you to see. You'd expect a whole mess out of Pinkie attempting to communicate through complex, physical means, but you notice that she isn't all that bad at this. In your view is a white and golden cake, along with a rainbow question mark.
Oh right, the quill! Without taking a single moment to question how she got the colors on there, you easily manage the creation of a simple sentence. Pinkie is gawking in surprise as you handle that writing like a boss. When you are proud of your work, you hold it up for her to see.
The cake was delicious, Pinkie!
She grins, and seeing that you're still wearing the party hat, bounces around cheerfully, filling the whole floor with confetti.
Nurse Redheart steps on in-- being completely used to Pinkie's celebrations by now (as all of the other rooms are absolutely filled with confetti, too), she addresses Luna's condition with a warm smile, doing her professional best to ignore-- oh, I don't know. The end of the world.
"Luna is ready to get out of her cast now."
"I am?!" Night blinks.
"She is?!" Party gasps.
"Mhm. Ready, Luna?" The nurse whips out a ginormous, mechanical hammer.
"Eek! Pinkie, hide me!" The moon mare closes her eyes tightly.
Pinkie instantly yields all other actions and holds onto the dark blue alicorn in vain, covering her the best she can. "No. No! What did she do to deserve this! Noo!" Yet, all Redheart does is chuckle. She raises the hammer in the air to prepare a strike, bringing it down with all of the possible force she can muster.
Everything goes silent for about four seconds, and all that is heard is a tink!
Redheart stuffs the hammer away, leaving the room to assist the other patients. After hearing the door shut, Pinkie opens her eyes. She looks down, and happily, her eyes light up in sheer excitement.
"Oh my gosh!" She pokes at Luna's deliciously poofy fur. "You didn't tell me your fur was this soft!"
"Hahah!" Luna snickers, "wait, don't do that!"
Too late. At this point, the party pony is full-on tickling her, and she doesn't even know it.
"Pinkie, hehe! stop, please!" Luna, by then, also has her eyes open, and she's begging for the pony to halt her advance.
"Oh-- sorry!" Pinkie, listening to her request, slows down from a tickle, into a very slow massage, making sure to rustle every bit of hair on the Moon. "Is this better?"
"Stop-- oh, ooooh... actually, you can keep going." Luna flaps her wings and stretches them out as Laughter becomes Relief, working and soothing her way into the royal pony's every sore muscle. "Oh my. This is s-- something. Pinkie, where did you learn this?" Her hind legs twitch about happily, and she has her forelegs up like a puppy. At any point now, she might as well start panting.
"That's the thing. I didn't!" The cheerful one squees and slows down the pace, slowly drawing her hooves back, and then pushing them forward in quick successions, waking up every ounce of pleasure hidden within the moon pony's core. Pinkie has on the face of a loving caretaker, making sure to leave the alicorn with a very, very satisfied smile, as the night equine arches her back to give it a good stretch, pressing up against her helper's hooves and sighing.
Eventually, after about three minutes of relieved mmning, eeeing and racy lip biting passes on by, Luna stops and makes do with her praise. "I'm definitely going to visit you often, Pinkie! I don't usually give hugs, but you are more than well-deserving of this. Thank you so much!" She grapples onto Pinkie tightly, thanking her for the company, and she press her cheeks against hers, making sure to flap out her wings and allow them to get a few bursts of air.
"O-oh, it was nothing, Luna...!" Although, for someone who is already the color of a blush, you make sense of what seems like solid red forming on Pinkie's face. She moves her hooves to quickly cover her face as she shies herself away from her alicorn friend.
Fifteen seconds of this bouncing around passes.
Luna lets go of Pinkie, soon concluding to turn to you with joyful smile. "And thank you, crea-- I mean, what's the word?" Pinkie whispers it into her ear. "Oh! Thank you, human!" She comes up to the glass and puts her hoof on it, leaving you in complete wonder as to what hugging her would be like. Immediately, a flush builds up on her cheeks, but she takes no care to hide it from you. "I... I would give you a hug too, if I could, that is-- if this weren't in the way..." She taps on the barrier, leaving afloat two plinks in her action. She presses her nose up against the glass, and it lightens up into a bright, bluish color as it pushes into the barricade. "Hmf." She releases the tension, and what is left is a foggy, white mark that quickly fades away. Luna blinks with those dazzling, ocean blue eyes, looking down, and then straight at you.
You feel uneasy, making a shrug, and to your discretion, you grab the writing tool once more. She watches in astonishment, both of her hooves now on the glass as your hand travels across the piece of paper, her eyes bobbing about as you work that thang, making you feel like some sort of expert from a whole 'nother galaxy. You hold it up after seven seconds flat.
Hugs later; the others are in trouble, Luna!
You point outside, and upon your notice, the sky outside is all the more darker, having leaked into that of a blood-red hue.
Luna takes her hooves off and turns her head, and to her sight, she jumps, her wings twitching about as she falls to the ground, but Pinkie actively catches her with her forehooves.
"Oh no. Thank you, human. We must go there, quickly! Onward, Pinkie!"
"With pleasure!"
Instantly, Luna charges up her horn and releases it, teleporting them to that of a dark blue bubble as it quickly disappears into nothingness-- with a pop and a heart coming out of it.
You drop the writing tools to have at another slice of the spine-tingling cake.
As soon as your view shifts into that of Burning Twilight and the others, you immediately see that Trixie is on Celestia's back, Starlight is along Discord's skinny spine, and Luna is atop Pinkie, bouncing around gleefully... for some reason. But whatever works, works, right? The Pink pony doesn't seem to have a problem with it, either.
Without warning, the whole void shifts itself into that of pixels everywhere-- what was once hair and fur are now animated squares and blocks, including you, and everything past the glass. How is this possible, you wonder? Nonetheless, you take another chomp at the 8-bit cake.
"I thought we could use a little... redesign, if you all don't mind," Discord looks about the others in their idle loops. Luna is pretending like Pinkie is an alicorn, Starlight is holding onto his spine, and Trixie is really admiring Celestia's pixel-mane, all rainbow and the like. "Besides, I'd hate for any of us to get seriously hurt."
From this point on, their speech appears in text at the bottom of the screen.
Each of the pairs has 9999/999 HP / MP. Twilight has ???/??? HP / MP.
"Burn..." The scorched one mutters. "Trixie."
'Leader' status appears above the aqua unicorn, and she is outlined in yellow.
"Wow, Trixie. You just had to go stick your flank in her face!" Starlight's text appears.
"Q--quiet! I didn't mean for this to happen! Besides, I feel violated too!"
"Good job, Trixie! That's one burning package! Wee!" Luna pokes at Pinkie's mane.
Pinkie throws out a disc into the air, completely defying the rules of a turn-based role-playing game, and immediately, a heavy beat starts up in the middle of outer space. "Let's get this party started!" She blurts out. A grasping pile of compact drums and snares rolls on the beat, 8-bit style. A buff appears over the whole party: ^ Regen.
"Let's just... get this over with quickly, okay?" Trixie tosses a vial into the air, blasts it with her horn and cracks it, causing the liquid to fall upon the group: ^ Magic Resist.
Unfortunately, Burning Twilight doesn't have enough patience to wait for six turns to happen at once. "I don't have time for this!" Her voice breaks out past the text. Drawing out dark matter from the void, Twilight raises a hoof and immediately combusts the surrounding area, efficiently absorbing her side of the guns into that of a flaming star. Tossing her arm to the side, the conglomeration separates with a snap. The whole dimension once again converts into however many bits normal Equestria has. Technicolor, or whatever you like to call it?
Before your eyes, Burning Twilight has converted the guns, and they are instead magnified into millions of deadly projectiles, now made entirely out of lava. They spin about her as she crosses her hooves, essentially forging a mobile, molten death star right before the group's eyes.
"Oh dear," Discord says. "Well, there went that plan."
With a swipe of her horn, a surging field of flames tears straight through space and time itself, forcing her targets to move out of the way.
In immediate retaliation, Trixie grabs hold of two plasma cannons in either arm. "Eat this, Twilight!" She calls out. As she releases the beams upon the burning mare, the energy itself simmers and melts, rendering them completely useless. Discord and Starlight swoop behind her-- draconequus with a bazooka, and violet pony with a shotgun. In their combined blast, Twilight simply does a somersault and faces them upside down, launching magma spears towards the projectiles-- instantly melting the bullets into bare matter.
The burning mage teleports behind both violet and chaos, splitting them from each other with a simple, singing kick. She then unleashes a flurry of charged, purple chains, essentially grappling on to the four characters and keeping them captive in knots.
"Melt..." Twilight whispers. She places her hooves on the chains, igniting them. As the six struggle to break free, their burning oblivion awaits them as the fire crackles along the empowered strings.
"Looks like this is it, friends," Celestia solemnly mumbles. "One last sip of tea before we go." She spawns a cup of tea and takes a good swig, all the way down to the bottom.
Suddenly, however, Discord remembers something. "Oh, relax, my fellow Sun." He snaps his fingers, and Twilight, as well as the chains, are swiftly frozen in stasis. "See? Easy as that. Though, I've no clue how we're going to get out of these binds. Would anyone care for a board game?" He spawns a game of Connect Four.
"Uh, Discord?" Starlight asks.
"Is that a yes, my dear?"
"No. You've forgotten about... those." She points, and all of the magma floating about the void is still encircling the angry, purple pony.
"Oh, right. Did I mention that I can only freeze every so often?" Discord holds his finger up, and the whole group frowns at him. "Psh. Whatever." The board game poofs away.
A third of the spears all point towards the static, Burning Twilight, and in a moment's notice, they dive into her shell, melting apart Discord's stone encasement within a matter of seconds. She shakes her head, and realizing that the group is still trapped, increases the strength of her flames as the chains begin to spark and simmer among the cold, dark void, traveling along the magical ropes.
"We're definitely doomed," Trixie makes out through her shaking teeth. She holds onto Celestia tightly.
"Hold on. Weren't there six of us?" The sun pony speculates.
"Right. Luna and Pinkie! Where are they?" Starlight extends on her point, causing the four of them to look around.
"There!" Discord points. Up above Twilight is the pair, holding a giant, massive bucket of water.
"Like that's going to work?!" Trixie exclaims. The bound group looks in front of them, seeing that the flames are closing in.
"Hey, Twilight!" Pinkie calls out. The fire on the chains abruptly stops as the angry mare looks around, wondering who said that.
Splash!
Fires are immediately quenched as Twilight stands there dumbfounded, hair still smoky from the heat.
"Good thinking, Pinkie!" Luna hugs the hyper pony, joyfully flapping her wings about.
Twilight fixes her hair and looks around, noticing Discord, Celestia, and their riders in the distance.
"What... just happened?"
"It's a... well, quite the bottom story," Trixie says.
Twilight blushes and covers her cheeks. "Trixie, you--"
"Let's... pretend it didn't happen." She winces at Twilight, but the two of them soon break out in a chuckle.
Twilight looks up, seeing a party and the Moon. "I see you're out of your cast, Luna!"
"Oh, yes I am, Twilight!" She zips on down to her. "And, I have something to ask of you!" She highlights Trixie and drags her over, whilst the others are left to stare out of curiosity-- though, Celestia is secretly smiling under one of her hoofs, giggling to herself.
"Yes, Luna?" Twilight asks.
"Can you..." The moon pony works out through a gradually increasing flush. "No--" She corrects herself. "Will; w-- will you and Trixie hug me?"
Twilight crosses her hooves out of disbelief. "I thought you didn't like hugs?"
"Well, I have a... non-secret to share with you, Twilight..."
Twilight simply blinks. "Sure. What's on your mind?"
"I don't like giving hugs but I like getting hugs."
"What was that?"
"I don't like giving hugs but I like getting hugs."
"I honestly can't hear you."
"Me neither," Trixie shrugs.
"I said, I don't like giving hugs but I like getting hugs!" She cries out, covering her eyes with her hooves as her tears work their way out into the void. "I knew my dream was too good to be true."
Both Trixie and Twilight look to each other. That's it? A hug? Twilight thinks. They both conclude to pull in close to the crying pony and embrace her in a warm grapple. After about a minute, Trixie lets go, somehow sensing that this isn't her Ship, and she pushes herself back to Starlight.
Purple continues to hold on to Dark Blue.
As soon as Luna chooses to stop whimpering and uncover her eyes, she notices that Twilight wipes the tears away from them.
And immediately, Luna can't keep her gaze off of her. Her frown fades into the happiest smile any childish pony could ever have. "You-- you're the package, Twilight!"
"I had a feeling," Twilight responds, grinning, and they wholeheartedly snuggle into each other's fur, right in the middle of the void.
