Celestia is not who she seems. In fact, she's not in Equestria at all.
Celestia gets a head injury and it is revealed that she is not Celestia, but a human girl named Ashlynn. Now Ashlynn has to find her way back to her home before Celestia does something that might ruin her life there.
Celestia was sitting, peacefully, in her room. A loud ‘bang’ shook her windows, so she got up and tried to get outside as quickly as she could. Outside, however, she found Discord just sitting, doing nothing.
“Discord, did you, by any chance, hear anything?” she asked, a bit irritated.
“Nope, not at all. Why? Did you hear something?” Discord asked, grinning.
Celestia groaned. “Really? Really? I swear, Discord, if you don’t stop trying to get me out here by making loud noises, I’ll strangle you. Personally.”
“Aaaaaww is Celly mad at me?”
She gave him a look that clearly said You really wanna do this right now?
Discord just looked up, pretending as though he hadn’t noticed. Celestia rolled her eyes at this, which earned a chuckle from Discord.
“Don’t be mad, Celly. I’m just teasing. Lighten up,” he said.
“Lighten up, huh? Maybe you should act at least a little more serious sometimes,” Celestia replied testily.
“Oh no, we are not having this argument right now. Please.”
“You started it.”
Discord playfully shoved Celestia, knocking her off balance, and causing her to fall over. Discord, feeling a little sorry for knocking her over, helped her back up. Celestia, however, was not alright. She had hit her head, thankfully not hard, but she held a hoof to her head. Discord noticed, and helped her back down, in a better position.
Her image flickered.
“Celestia?”
She groaned, still flickering. What was behind the flickering image of Celestia was a creature Discord had never seen before.
The flickering stopped, leaving the strange creature in front of Discord. He studied it intently. It had a similar body structure to his own, but it definitely wasn’t another draconequus.
“What are you?” Discord asked, not at all daunted by the strange entity before him.
“What am I? What the fuck are you?”
Discord stiffened. “You’re not from here, are you?”
“That depends. Where are we?”
“Equestria. You really have no idea where we are, do you?”
“Wait, Equestria Equestria?! No. No no no no no! Fuck!”
“Just out of curiosity, are you male or female?” Discord asked, genuinely curious.
“Female. Girl. Woman. Did I miss any?” she asked irritably.
“Mare, filly…”
“Right, Equestria, horse terms. Okay. I’m done with this.”
“What, I can’t learn your name? Mine’s D-”
“You’re Discord, spirit of Chaos and Disharmony.”
“How did y-”
“You do realize I was just Celestia right?” the strange ‘girl’ said, annoyed.
“Right right, I forgot.”
“Anyway, you asked my name? Ashlynn. My name is Ashlynn.”
“So you’re what your species call a ‘human,’ correct?” Discord had been questioning ‘Ashlynn’ for a while.
So far, he’s learned that she’s from a completely different universe, where Celestia, the real one, is likely hiding.
“Yes.”
“How long have you been here? How long have you been Celestia?”
“Since a few days after Luna’s return. Celestia has likely been in my place, where I belong, since that time as well. Although I’m sure she probably messed something up.” Ashlynn said, gritting her teeth. “Her kind nature? That’s just not me. I tried. Really, and it seemed to work for all of Equestria. But I’m sure I could never pass for Celestia to Luna… Not on my own,” she stated, wondering just what Celestia might be doing.
She rubbed her forehead. “She probably confused the hell out of my family. They were probably thinking ‘What happened to her?’ and ‘Isn’t she usually grumpier than this?’ I swear, if I get home, and they expect a happy camper, I’ll throttle her.”
“Wait, you said you wouldn’t be able to pass her off to Luna. Then how come she never realized? Or does she suspect…?” Discord trailed off, a germ of an idea forming.
Ashlynn sighed. “I said not on my own.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning a certain bastard ‘helped’ me with that,” Ashlynn snapped.
“This ‘bastard’ wouldn’t happen to be Celestia, would it?”
“Possibly, maybe.”
Discord chuckled. “Okay, if it wasn’t her, then who else could possibly help you ‘play Celestia,’ then?”
“You sly son of a b-” She began to insult Discord only to hold her tongue as he waved his finger back and forth.
Discord smiled as his mouth began to open, “Ah ah ah~ What have we said about calling me that?”
Ashlynn did not look impressed. “Fuck you.”
Discord chuckled through his teeth as he seemed to coil himself around her, “Insult me all you like, you need me to help you find your way home.” He was like a devious serpent tempting things for as long as he could.
“God dammit, do you ever shut up about yourself?” She groaned as her fists clenched while trying to hold back her anger.
“Not really, no. I like to talk about myself. You should, too. We could get to know each other better, you know. I’m sure you know me, since you were Celestia, but I don’t really know you now, do I?” He chuckled as he caressed her cheek as though she was his lover.
Though his antics angered Ashlynn to no end, it did however cause her to shut up.
“Aww, does little Ashlynn not remember? Poor b-”
Ashlynn slapped him. “Don’t you dare call me ‘baby.’ And no, I just don’t want to talk about it. Not a hundred times, like I’m sure I’ll need to. I’d rather tell as many people at one time as possible.”
“Shame. Hey, can I call you Ash?”
She grimaced. “Please, no. Where I’m from, my friends always called me that to tease me.”
“Aaaww, poor Ash, teased with her own nickname. If only she told them to stop, maybe they would’ve listened,” Discord said playfully.
“OKAY I GET IT. I NEED TO LEARN TO TELL PEOPLE TO FUCKING STOP WHEN I CAN’T TAKE IT,” Ashlynn said loudly, her voice echoing throughout the courtyard.
“Yeesh, you didn’t need to yell,” Discord said, uncovering his ears.
She stared daggers at him before turning her back towards Discord, “Shut the fuck up. I know I yelled. That was the point. Problem?”
“Yeah, actually. Why is it the point?” Snapping his fingers summoning both a chair and couch.
Ashlynn laying on her back looked over to see Discord looking like a psychiatrist. From the outfit and glasses, to the balding head and beard with a note pad and quill. He even added an accent to help fit the awkward moment.
Ashlynn smirked. “So ponies would come and see why shouting came from out here.”
“Now, why would you want them to know you’re here?” Discord inquired, suspicious.
“You’ll see.” She played coy knowing full well how it bothered him in a good way.
His hoof tapped on the stone path as he groaned, “What if I want to know now?” He whimpered as his impatience started getting the better of him.
“You’ll have to wait, I’m afraid,” Ashlynn responded, sticking out her tongue.
“Well, I have ways of making you talk.” Discord responded, smirking.
“No you don’t. You have ways of making Celestia talk,” She corrected, getting up and trying to walk away, but Discord stopped her.
“But if you were Celestia for the past year…” He whispered into her ear, taunting her with the obvious fact.
“Oh no, don’t you dare!” It was too late, because Discord had already started tickling her.
She was trying not to laugh, but eventually, she started laughing. She laughed so hard, there were tears in her eyes.
“Okay! Okay, I’ll tell! Just make it stop!” Ashlynn said, giving in.
As the ticking stopped she stood there holding her sides, panting.
“My reason for wanting them to know I’m here, is because one of them might alert Luna. Or that Luna herself heard my shout, and she’s on her way here right now,” she said after catching her breath.
“Why didn’t you just go tell her yourself? It wouldn’t have been hard.”
“Uh-huh. And what do I tell her? ‘Hey, I’ve been Celestia the past year, and she’s probably been me. Wanna help me find her?’ Yeah, no. She’d probably lock me up,” she said, gritting her teeth.
“What if you just asked for help looking for Celestia, leaving out the fact that you were her?” Discord suggested, eerily calm.
“Because that’s much better. She’d wonder how I knew she was missing. She’d ask, and I’m not the best liar in the world.”
Tapping his chin Discord pondered the options before them, “She might unde-”
Discord was interrupted by the sound of breaking glass. They both looked up and saw that somepony had crashed through a window in an attempt to reach them faster.
“I believe that Luna has either noticed or been told by now. Which means she’s pr-”
Ashlynn put her hand over Discord’s mouth before he could continue. Then she said in a quiet voice “Shut up, or so help me you will die tonight.”
“And just who will be killing me? You? I doubt you could even pinch me before I noticed you were there.”
“Wanna bet?” She said testily.
“With you? No. Celestia only made bets she knew she could win. And I have a feeling you do too,” Discord said bitterly.
“You’d be r-”
“THERE YOU ARE!”
Luna had heard them bickering from the window. She flew down and pushed Ashlynn against the wall of the courtyard. “Now tell me. Where is Celestia?”
Ashlynn wasn’t expecting to be asked so soon. She didn’t know, and tried to explain that.
“Luna, I do-”
“Yes, you do. Don’t even try to lie to me.”
“I don’t know exactly where she is. For all I know, sh-”
“You. Are. LYING TO ME!” Luna shouted, clearly enraged at the thought that this… Whatever Ashlynn was, was lying to her.
“Luna, listen. You want to know where she is? I can’t tell you for certain. All I know i-”
Luna smacked her. “Tell the truth, or you’ll wish you never set foot in Equestria.”
A muffled “ow” escaped Ashlynn’s lips, but she was still determined. “That is the truth, whether you believe it or not. I’ve regretted coming here from the first day.”
“Then why come? To insult me? To insult Disc-”
“I’m gonna stop you there moon queen. I never wanted to come here. If you want to know why I’m here, you need to listen,” Ashlynn said, cutting Luna off, and without losing her cool.
“Why would I listen to a liar?” Luna asked, still refusing to believe her.
“I’m not lying. I have no idea of the exact location of your sister. Until you actually believe me, I might as well shut up.”
Luna used her magic to get a grip on Ashlynn. “If you don’t tell me the truth, I will throw you against the wall. Do you want pain?”
Refusing to speak, Ashlynn just looked pointedly at Luna. She was trying to figure out how to get Luna to believe the truth, but was drawing at a blank.
“Not gonna tell me, hm? Well, let’s see how you hold up after the wall,” Luna said, already releasing her grip on Ashlynn.
As soon as the grip on her was gone, Ashlynn hit the wall with enough force to break most of the bones in her body, yet she struggled to stay conscious, regardless. She groaned as she tried to stand, but she couldn’t. So instead she stared up at Luna, accusingly.
“Well, if I was lying, how do you suppose you’ll find Celestia with me dead?” Ashlynn said, choosing her words carefully.
“You admit to lying to me?”
“I said if. But I know I wasn’t, whether or not you believe me.”
“Hmph. Well, I guess I could keep you alive, but you need to be locked up,” Luna said, contemplating. She thought that maybe if Ashlynn was thrown in a cell, she could use the idea of release to convince her to cooperate and tell her the truth. What if she is telling the truth? She thought, though briefly, shaking off the idea.
“Oh great, so much for thinking you might be reasonable. Where are you planning to keep me, oh moony one?”
“In the cells under the castle,” Luna said, bristling at her new nickname.
“Oh, good. And here I thought it might be somewhere awful,” Ashlynn deadpanned.
“Aren’t you forgetting someone?”
Luna turned her head, noticing Discord for the first time. Ashlynn swore under her breath, clearly having forgotten he was there. “Why are you here, exactly? Did you get here before me?”
“Well, you could say that,” Discord answered, grinning impishly.
“HA! YOU were the one who knocked the bitch out of me. Then you decided to try and find out exactly what, but I refused,” Ashlynn accused.
“What? Moi? How dare you accuse me of such a thing!” Discord said, a halo appearing over his head.
Ashlyn tried to facepalm, but groaned at the effort of moving. She settled for rolling her eyes. “Well, alright just go ahead and leave me here, because I can’t move myself right now or anything,” she grumbled.
Discord looked at her, clucking his tongue. “Luna, did you really have to throw her so hard? I bet she won’t be too cooperative in that state, let alone useful. Perhaps she should visit the infirmary first, to recuperate, of course, which might take awhile. And of course, she’ll need somepony who knows her anatomy to help with that. Or at least, somepony who could learn it.”
“Are you volunteering?” Luna asked skeptically.
“No, I shouldn’t. You should. I mean, why let me watch her? I might let her escape. But if you watch her, you can make sure she doesn’t,” Discord replied.
Luna arched an eyebrow. “Really. But is she’s as injured as you say she is, she should be fine with you.”
“I meant when she gets better.”
“STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I’M NOT HERE!!”
“Ssshh, Ash, the grown ups are talking,” Discord said, patting her head.
Ashlynn fumed. She was tired of being considered a child. She got enough of that at home. But she could take that. What she couldn’t take was being called Ash.
“No.”
“Oh, good, I thought you might listen to me,” Discord said cheerfully.
Ashlynn blinked. “W-what? You mean you wanted me to say no?”
“Obviously. I tend to test ponies, or in this case people, like that. Congratulations! You passed my test.”
Ashlynn groaned. “Just have moon face watch and take care of me if you’re that concerned. Besides, you’re a guy. Guys shouldn’t watch girls sleep,” she said testily.
“You won’t be sleeping the whole time,” Discord replied curtly.
“I will most of the time.”
“Didn’t you want me to watch her anyway, Discord?” Luna asked, growing impatient.
“Well, yes, b-”
“No buts. Seeing how both of you want me to watch her, I might as well.”
“Luna, if you don’t want to, I’m fine with Discord watching me.”
“No, I’ll do it. Besides, it might be better if I watch you instead of him,” Luna said, seemingly dismissively. However, she saw this as an opportunity for Ashlynn to slip up.
Ashlynn seemed to see right through Luna’s dismissal of the matter. It made Luna wonder just what Ash was capable of.
But Ashlynn didn’t say anything on what she thought Luna was thinking. “Well, if I’m gonna holed up in an infirmary, the sooner we get there, the faster I can leave.”
“What the hell are you doing!?” Ashlynn asked as they headed toward the infirmary. She had noticed Luna was casting some spells.
“Making sure that nobody else finds out that Celestia is missing,” Luna said pointedly.
“So what!? They probably heard you!”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean they know exactly what I said. They just heard me yelling. I yell a lot.”
Ashlynn rolled her eyes. “I know that. Remember the fact that I’ve been Celestia for over a year?”
“You never said anything about that. In fact, every word that has come out of your mouth was... Shall we say ‘unbelievable’?” Luna replied.
“Well, I told Discord. He believed me.”
“That’s Discord!” Luna countered, irritated. “He believes anything Celestia says. He believes anything that sounds chaotic, which your story does.”
“Well you’re a little bitch, you know that?” Ashlynn snapped.
Luna turned a darker shade than her normal indigo. “Well, if I’m a ‘little bitch’ as you say, then you must be a large one,” she countered as calmly as she could.
Ashlynn didn’t respond, just kept walking. Soon they reached the infirmary. Ashlynn stayed outside while Luna made sure nopony was inside.
Luna sighed. She didn’t want to believe Ashlynn, at all, but she was starting to think she was right. Maybe she didn’t know where Celestia was.
She came back out. “It’s clear! Come on, Ash.”
“Please, don’t call me that.”
“Would you prefer I call you imposter?” Luna raised an eyebrow at her
“Ash is fine...” she sighed
Sitting in the infirmary with only Luna, it was incredibly boring. Ashlynn just stared at the walls while Luna tried to figure out the medical equipment.
“Erm... Luna? You sure you know how that stuff works?” she inquired.
“Um… Yes?” Luna said, hesitating, not sure about her answer.
“Really. You sure? You don’t sound sure,” Ashlynn pointed out, a bit too sympathetically for the night princess.
“Yes. I think I got it now… Just put this here… And I think I just broke the machine.”
“Well shit. Now what am I gonna do? Trust you to use your magic to heal me? No dice,” Ashlynn sneered.
“It’s either Discord or myself. Would you rather try your luck with his magic?” When Ashlynn didn’t respond, Luna smiled a bit. “I’ll take your silence as you’d rather have me try then dear Dissy.”
Both Ashlynn and Luna might have heard someone say “Don’t call me Dissy!” but it might’ve been their imaginations.
Luna cleared her throat. “Well, why don’t you just rest for now. I need to see if this-” she lightly touched the machine- “is really broken. And if it is, find out how to fix it.”
“What even is that?” Ashlynn asked, curious.
“It’s a… Um… I don’t really know,” Luna mumbled, embarrassed.
“Good job fam. You fucked up,” Ashlynn laughed.
“Thanks for the encouragement. That was very helpful,” Luna grumbled.
Ashlynn laughed harder, then cringed, holding her side. “Note to self. Don’t laugh. It’s painful as fuck.”
Luna shook her head. "It makes sense. You broke your ribs. Of course it'll hurt to laugh," she pointed out.
“Meh. It’s your fault they’re broken. You’re the one who threw me into a fucking wall.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have if you weren’t here in the first place,” Luna argued.
“Not my fault I’m he- You know what? Why don’t you just go get whatever the hell that is repaired. The sooner I’m outta here the sooner we can find the other little bitch. The sooner we find her, the sooner you get her back and I can go home. Unless you don’t want me gone, which I could’ve sworn you did.”
Luna fumed. “Fine. I’ll go. Stay. Put. Or by Faust I will make sure your neck snaps next time I throw you into a wall.”
“Good luck with that! I’ve been told I’m hard to kill.”
“Bye whom, exactly?” Luna asked cheekily.
Ashlynn’s face reddened. “None of your business.”
“No one then. Thought so. You know, you’re very bad at-”
“JUST GO ALREADY!”
Ashlynn stared at the ceiling. Luna had been gone a couple hours. Seeing how there was almost nothing to do but wait, Ashlynn decided to sing what songs she remembered from her life at home. Midway through Warriors, she heard someone approaching the infirmary. She decided to hide herself somewhat.
Luna entered the infirmary. “Ash? Come on out. The machine, apparently it’s a heart monitor, is beyond repair.”
“You… You broke a… *snrk* heart monitor?” Ashlynn snickered.
“Are you gonna laugh? Because if you laugh, I will laugh,” Luna said snarkily.
“Oh ha ha, laugh at my pain, will you? My, how you’ve fallen Lul-”
“Ash… Were… Were you about to call me ‘Lulu’?”
“I swear I didn’t mean to. Don’t hurt me,” Ashlynn said, covering her head.
“No, I think I know why. If you were telling the truth before, then it was an aftereffect of my sister’s influence on you. Besides, if I wanted to hurt you, I’d wait until you were fully yourself. Then I’d murder you,” Luna explained, smiling as she mentioned murder.
“Woooooooww thanks for the boost of confidence. Remind me to find a way off your bad side.”
“No,” Luna said, her smile slightly smaller.
“Meh. So if you don’t know how to use the equipment, how long will it take to heal?” Ashlynn inquired rather quietly.
“I’m afraid my magic can only speed up your natural healing process. Celestia’s might speed it up to the point it seems as though they were gone in almost an instant, but she isn’t here.” Luna shook her head. “Instead of -what, two weeks?- it’ll take around five days.”
“Damn. Well, then five days it shall be.”
“Are you saying to use the spell?”
“What do you think.”
“Alright. Sit still, and stay quiet if it starts to hurt,” Luna said, lighting her horn.
Ashlynn nodded, and sat patiently, waiting for whatever happened next.
Despite Ashlynn’s belief that it would hurt, it was mostly painless. Mostly.
“Well, that we- GAH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!”
“You moved. Moving always makes it worse,” Luna answered starkly.
“I know, I know. It’s all my fault for moving blah blah… Are you done yet?”
“Yes. You should still rest, it is still gonna make you tired to heal yourself. Lie down.”
“Aaaaww, is wittle Woona warming up to me?” Ashlynn teased, playfully poking Luna, to the latter’s great annoyance.
“Stop poking me.”
“But you’re so fun to poke!” Ashlynn protested, ceasing her poking for a moment, then continuing again.
“I’ll kill you if you refuse,” Luna threatened, though Ashlynn didn’t take it seriously.
“No you won’t~”
“...”
“Ha. I knew it,” Ashlynn said, booping Luna on the nose.
“I hate you.”
“Nah. You may not like me, but you certainly don’t hate me.”
Luna growled, but hung her head in defeat. But that didn’t last long. “Ah well. Twas worth a shot, now everypony shall know that I may or may not be starting to like the human who calls herself ‘Ash’ a bit,” she said, playfully, lifting her head back up with a bit of a smile upon her face. Ashlynn playfully punched her.
“That’s more like it.”
“I was serious, however. Rest, Ash. Or you may regret it.”
Meanwhile, wherever Celestia was... (what, you want me to tell you? Damn you all, it’s a spoiler!)
Celestia, having played the part of Ashlynn Il-Mio-Amore for the past two years, was used to walking on two legs at this point. However, she hasn’t quite figured out how Ashlynn usually acts.
Ashlynn’s family did not notice she had changed much. Oh sure, she was more polite, but people can be more polite if they try. She also swore less, which only her brother, Brayden, noticed, but he didn’t say anything, until he noticed she had actually stopped swearing altogether. So he confronted his little sis.
“Ash, what game are you playing? You haven’t sworn once in the past two years. I know you, and that’s not usual,” he pointed out after pinning her against one of the walls in the house, to which Celestia shrugged.
“Maybe I’m trying to change. Have you thought of that, dear brother?” she retorted, twirling the brown hair on her head absentmindedly.
Brayden stared at the teen saying she was his sister, but he knew she was lying.
“You little shit. You’re fucking lying.”
“Watch your tongue, Brayden. What you say will come back to bite you.”
“Sure. Who are you and what have you done to Ash? I know you aren’t her, because she absolutely hates it when I call her Ash. And she never tells me to ‘watch my tongue’ or call me ‘dear brother,’” he responds, glaring at… Whoever this was. It’s not like he knows she’s really a thousand plus year old pony princess from a different universe. He just thought his sister had been kidnapped and replaced.
“Maybe I’ve grown fond of the nickname~”
“Why would you? Your ex used to call you that, and now you hate it as much as you hate him. So, as you can probably tell, I don’t believe you.”
Celestia flinched. She didn’t know that the human she was portraying had been in a relationship with nicknames. She had assumed it was just a name Ashlynn’s brother used to tease her, not that it had meaning.
Swearing under her breath, she ducked under Brayden’s arm and walked off without answering his question.
Ashlynn awoke, sweat pouring down her back.
Did I really just see…?
She lost her train of thought upon noticing that she had a blanket wrapped around her. That was not there before. She wondered if Luna had put it on her while she was sleeping, or if perhaps Discord did.
“Oh good. You are awake. Those kinds of dreams are not good if you are trying to heal. Trust me, they are nothing but terrible luck,” Luna stated.
“Right. Magic pony princess who sees my dreams. Of course you saw that. You were probably ecstatic to see Celestia,” Ashlynn quipped.
“Oh har dee har har. Well, I was, but… But that is bad for your health and I need you to get better so you can lead me to her! So I woke you up.”
“Oh really. You sound a bit nervous about what you said. Last chance to change it. Is that the story you want?”
“Tis the truth. And I shall be damned to Tartarus if it is not,” Luna countered, serious.
“Oh fuck you.”
“Sorry, you are not my type.”
“Oh really? I’m not your type?”
“WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?”
“You started it,” Ashlynn teased. She waved her finger in front of Luna. “Naughty, naughty princess.”
Luna bit her finger.
“YEEEEOOOWW! Okay. I probably deserved that…”
Luna chuckled. “Mmm, yes, I believe you did. I advise you do not do that again, or I might bite it off.”
“You suck sometimes, you know that?”
“I do.”
“You overrated piece of shit.”
“You are venting.”
“Oh shut up I need to,” Ashlynn fumed. “You’re overrated. Celestia’s a slutty piece of shit that needs to burn in hell and Discord can go fuck himself. Twilight’s a pain in the ass to read any and all her letters, even though I probably shouldn’t put it passed her, seeing how it’s technically Celestia’s fault I’m here anyway so it’s not exactly Twilight’s fault I have to read her letters it’s her teacher’s.”
“Are you finished?”
Ashlynn sighed. “Yeah. I’m good. That felt… Really good actually.”
“You let everything off your chest. That is how it tends to work,” Luna stated, smiling.
Ashlynn slugged her. “You suuuuck,” she laughed. “I hate you.”
“I hate you too,” Luna replied, joining the giggle fest.
The two laughed with each other for a few minutes, though Ashlynn winced a couple times, when, all of the sudden, there was a flash and Discord appeared.
“Hmph. Having fun without moi? Well I never!” he grumbled, finding them laughing harder.
“Discord, please leave. You are not supposed to be here and you know that!” Luna smiled, but still laughed.
“Well, excuse me, princess! But it’s not my fault I came here to make sure you stop giving poor fluffy a hard time with the chapter title.”
