Starlight Glimmer seems to be happy with her new life so far, However some things appear to be perfect on the outside are not so good on the inside. Gossip, Rumors,ponies giving her hateful looks. Then her thoughts start to get to her.
Starlight Glimmer, a troubled pony who was reformed and now seems to live a happy life with Twilight as her teacher and friend. Her life seems to be perfect, but what's going on inside her mind? With ponies not giving her a chance and still changing the details from her past to make it worse, the ponies start to get to Starlight and soon awful thoughts start to plague her mind.
*Updated and fixed all grammar! *Warning! Suicidal thoughts and some triggers, not meant for small horses, you have been warned of the feels.
Another day of peace in Equestria thanks to the princess and her friends, even Starlight Glimmer got to play an important part in saving Equestria from going to war with the yaks again. That’s right, Starlight became Twilight's student 10 months after her whole 'be equal or get out' incident with the cutie marks, after learning her mistakes from messing with the space time continuum Twilight took her under her wing and started to teach her the true magic of friendship. Her lessons have been going well so far, she made up with Sunburst, the village she enslaved, and made news friends! Especially Trixie who decided to turn her ways around. Yes things have turned around for her indeed, but not all ponies have forgiven her for her past mistakes, most of the village still shuns her, ponies all over Equestria (especially the snobby high and mighty ones) are still hearing horrible things about her almost destroying the world and shocked that a princess is caring for her. Starlight Glimmer may seem to ignore all of the hate towards her, but on the inside it still breaks her heart.
While cleaning the castle once again Starlight just finished organizing Twilight's library, wondering what to do next she trotted over to Twilight's room.
"Hey Twilight I’m finished with the library, anything else I can do?" she asked as Twilight finished her reports,
"As for cleaning no, but can you help Spike deliver these spells back to the Canterlot library?" Twilight said as she dumped a pile of scrolls on the pony,
"I'll have it done in no time! Come on Spike we have a job to do!" she smiled as she used her magic to levitate half of the scrolls and gave Spike a decent amount (well he is a baby dragon).
"Should we take the train? I think it's about to leave for Canterlot anyway" Spike asked her as they walked out of the castle.
"Nah today is a perfect day to go walking! Besides it's always good for a dragon to go on walks" she said as they started their journey to the capitol.
"I'm not a dog you know..." he said with a puff.
As Starlight had said, it was a beautiful day out and great for a walk, even the fillies and colts could go swimming at the beach. Many ponies were outside today whether it was a picnic, a walk, or just hanging out with friends! Lots of ponies were outside enjoying the sun, there would surely be many in Canterlot as well. As the two made it into the city, many ponies gave them strange looks more directed towards Starlight, soon she saw them whispering as they stole glances towards her and Spike. Spike saw the panic going on in Starlight as he noticed the gossip groups.
"Just ignore them Starlight! They don't know you like the girls and I do!" Spike said in an attempt to cheer her up, the last thing we would need is her hearing what they have to gossip.
"I know but it's just hard having them remind me of the things I did but in greater detail...”
"Most of it is exaggerated anyway! We all know you didn't hold me hostage with evil magic, they're just jealous you get to be the student of Twilight!" She listened to his kind words and decided to ignore them, besides a lot of it was exaggerated anyway, we all know that Time Turner doesn't have a blue box and didn't save the day with it.
Arriving at the library she returned the scrolls and a few books and advanced science, while also checking out a few comics for her and Spike to share.
"You sure do love these comics Spike, will Twilight let you go to the Power Ponies convention next month?" said a voice; Starlight turned and saw it was Moondancer who was also checking out some books. "Oh hello, I don't think I’ve met you before, I'm Moondancer, what’s your name?" she said as she looked at Starlight with curiosity.
"Twilight has mentioned you before, I'm Starlight Glimmer it’s nice to meet you!" she said while putting out a hoof to her possibly new friend.
"S-Starlight Glimmer?! You're the pony who tried to destroy Equestria! Please don't hurt me!" Moondancer shouted as she ran out of the library leaving a shocked Starlight and Spike. Starlight looked around the library and saw ponies hiding their fillies and staying as far away from her as possible, this left Starlight feeling so sad and hurt that she couldn't even make friends properly without someone bringing up the past.
Seeing the unicorn run out of the library brought attention to Starlight and Spike, hence more of the gossip ponies to appear. They started saying things like 'There goes miss equality scaring pony kind again' 'I hope she doesn't try to enslave me!' 'Why doesn’t she go back to the middle of nowhere?' And many more horrible things like it, Starlight felt the tears coming and decided it was best if they would go back to Ponyville now.
As they walked to the train station Starlight didn't say a single word, surely the ride home would still be quiet but everyone knows that a train is always packed. Starlight just kept listening to the others gossiping about her, she would truly never live this down especially since more fake details are being added on the story every single time.
"Look it's that power crazy unicorn"
"How does the princess even bother with her, she's just a lost cause"
"I heard she was also going to take Celestia and Luna's cutie marks so she could take over Equestria" said the pony, that’s when Spike had enough.
"ENOUGH! You think a pony can't change? Stop making stuff up and just forget what happened! Starlight Glimmer may have been a bad pony once but now she has changed for good!" he said to the two, they just looked at him and scoffed. Spike felt a hoof on his shoulder,
"It's okay Spike, I’m the one who should be used to it by now, no need to try and reason with them" she said with sadness in her voice, it really did hurt her when she heard these things but she grew to realize that nothing would change. Spike didn't know what to do at this point, he hated to see one of his friends hurt like this, but not everyone is good. As soon as the train arrived in Ponyville, the two got back to Twilight's castle and Starlight locked herself up in her room.
"She heard more gossip and rumors again today didn't she" Twilight asked with a frown as she noticed the unicorn lock the door.
"It was worse this time, we ran into Moondancer and she got scared and ran off before she could properly introduce herself" he told Twilight, she knew a lot of what was going on, and everything she did wouldn't stop the gossip from spreading, now it was at a point where she couldn't even make friends? It was getting worse every time and even Sunburst couldn't do anything, and he's the one who had known her since they were foals.
~~~
It was getting dark and Starlight Glimmer was still locked in her room, Spike had been waiting outside her door with a plate of food since dinner, he decided to knock on her door one more time.
"Starlight it's me Spike, please come out and eat dinner, you need to eat something and I need my friend. Just please" he waited for a reply but nothing came out, he turned the knob and surprisingly it was unlocked! He pushed the door open and saw her lying down next to a mirror.
"Starlight, are you awake?" He poked her but no reply, her breath was steady but slow and suddenly he smelt something lingering around the pony. He sniffed around and came to a halt, he smelt blood, that’s when he picked up her hoof and saw small bloody cuts all over.
"TWILIGHT!!!! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, this is what they feared would happen.
Rushing to where Spikes voice had called out, Twilight found herself in Starlight Glimmer's room and saw something she wished she could get out of her mind. Spike held Starlight as he listened to her slow but still working heartbeat, she knew that Starlight would go into a depressive state anytime more ponies gossiped around her or told lies and gave disgusted looks towards her, but Twilight never thought she would do something like this.
"Spike get Fluttershy here now, she has my first aid kit, I'll stay here and make sure she is alright" she said as Spike ran off to the cottage, Twilight didn't know what to do at this point, should Starlight get medical help? Or would that make things worse, however how worse can things get right now? Twilight found the object she used to cut; it was a shard of glass from the mirror that had chipped off last week. Starlight was unconscious still, who knows long she'll be out for, all that matters is that she stays alive.
"Oh Starlight, we didn't want this to happen" Twilight whispered as tears started to cloud her vision.
"Twilight? Starlight?" said the familiar soft voice, Fluttershy had flown as fast as Dash with Spike on her back, she heard what had happened and rushed to her aid. Fluttershy cleaned the cuts with alcohol and bandaged them with care; Twilight levitated her into the bed.
"Should we wake her up? We don't know how long she's been unconscious" Spike asked with concern for his friend, Twilight nodded yes as Spike went to get her a drink. Slowly Starlight's eyes fluttered open.
"W-what are you all doing here? Please just leave me alone" she said weakly, she could barely talk let alone see very well.
"There is not a chance we're going to leave you alone now, Starlight what was going through your head when you decided to do this?" Twilight asked her, she didn't want to sound angry but she wanted to know why Starlight resorted to cutting.
"They judge me before they get to know me Twilight, I'm so sick of the world being so cruel like this and I can't do anything about it. It's like no one even cares about me" she said as tears spilled out on her bed, Fluttershy was beginning to cry too it was so bad now.
"Oh Starlight we care about you! And that's all should matter, we don't want you to give up on life!" Fluttershy said as she hugged her. Suddenly a loud crash was heard in the hallway. Spike walked into the hall to see the others arriving and Rainbow Dash crashed into a table.
"What are you guys doing here?" he asked them.
"We saw Fluttershy flying fast with you on here back, is it an emergency?!" Rarity asked him looking around the hall for Twilight.
"It's Starlight Glimmer, it happened again in Canterlot but this time she cut herself...” he said, everyone was shocked.
"BUT SHE PINKIE PROMISED SHE WOULDN'T DO IT!!" yelled Pinkie Pie as her mane deflated.
"Pinkie in times like this, there ain't nothin' she can do even if she promised" said Applejack as she put her hoof around Pinkie.
"Indeed, right now she needs her friends by her side!" Rarity announced as she trotted towards Starlight's room. As soon as she saw the pale colored pony she felt sick with emotion.
"Girls? What are you doing here?" asked Twilight as she set food down for Starlight.
"We saw Fluttershy and thought something was wrong, I guess we were right." said Rainbow Dash, she may have been a brave pony but she was terrified for her friend.
"Starlight darling, what did they say this time?" Rarity asked as she gently rubbed her hoof.
"I'm a lost cause, I'm planning to overthrow the princesses, and I couldn't even make a friend without them running away from me. They're right, I am a lost cause..." she said turning over to face Twilight again.
"No they are wrong sugar cube, do ya know how much time it takes to learn such advanced magic? Yer an amazing pony and friend to us, don't listen to them"
"It's hard not to listen when it's the entire city AJ, I know what you guys are trying to do but it's not working, I just feel empty inside, it's like I'm alone and the entire universe is against me"
"Oh Twilight is there anything we can do?" asked Spike as the girls looked to Twilight for an answer.
"I'm afraid I don't know, depression is like war, you either win or die trying. Next thing you know, it's at a point where you start saying 'I’m used to it' and then you start feeling like you bother someone just by being alive" she explained to them, just then Pinkie Pie's hair poofed back to normal.
"I GOT AN IDEA! How about we each spend one day with Starlight doing our thing and try to cheer her up! RD can fly with her, Fluttershy can work with animals with her and you get the idea!" she said with excitement, the girls nodded and Rarity volunteered to take her out tomorrow.
"Alright girls, Starlight needs her sleep, Rarity you can come at noon to take her out, I have to make sure she gets a nice warm breakfast in the morning" and with that everyone left Starlight in her room, Twilight went to her room, the girls went home, and Spike gathered his blanket as he headed towards her room.
"Spike? What are you doing here?" Starlight asked as she looked over to see him standing in her doorway.
"I can't sleep without knowing you are safe, so I'm going to be your guard the entire night!" he smiled at her, Starlight smiled back as she shifted to one side of her bed to let him stay with her. In times like this all she needs are her true friends right now.
~~~~
That night in her dreams, she was surrounded by dark shadows who were calling her names, provoking her, and more things. Soon the shadows were pushing her towards a cliff shouting and yelling, reaching the edge the shadows were telling her to jump, end it all now.
"Angels can fly, so can I" then she jumped, closing her eyes as the tears spilled she waited for the hard ground, but instead landed on something soft but bony. She opened her eyes and saw Princess Luna looking at her; she had saved her from the impact.
"Princess Luna? Is this all a dream then?" Starlight asked her as she drove away the shadows when they reached the top of the cliff.
"It is, Starlight Glimmer you are going through a very difficult time right now, and I understand what it feels like to have no one care for you and to feel alone, but the truth is you are not alone there are more ponies that care for you then you realize"
"I know that Princess, but how do I get the others to just accept me and get to know me before they judge me" she said as she sat on the ground.
"I understand my dear but suicide is not the answer, you want to end that pain that is causing you nightmares, but ending your life is harder on you and the ponies around you" she said as she put a wing over the pony. "What you really need is your friends; they are the ones who will get you through this pain, just because the voices in your head say something doesn't mean it's true. I must go now Starlight put your faith in your friends, don't go to the dark side"
~~~
"Starlight? You were mumbling in your sleep is everything alright?" asked Spike just as she woke up, there was a delightful smell of fruit and pancakes in the air that made her mouth water.
"Yeah I'm fine, ready to go to breakfast?" she asked as she got out of bed, putting pressure on her left hoof was a bit painful but she could live through it. She walked into the dining hall to see Twilight arranging plates on the table full of delicious food.
"Starlight your awake! I was just about to come a wake you two up, you slept like foals the entire night, and then again it was pretty stressful. Well sit down and eat!" she said as she motioned them to sit.
Today she was going to spend the day with Rarity and some with Fluttershy, as they finished the meal Rarity came in ready to go. Hopefully today would be a good day.
Rarity and told Starlight about how each and every line of clothes goes to a different store, now she was helping her with a new Manehattan line that would go to that boutique. The next few days she would spend with two of her friends, today was just Rarity and Fluttershy but tomorrow would be with Rainbow, and then Pinkie and you get it. Starlight would be busy hanging out with her true friends.
"Why darling I love that star pattern! We should do a magic theme for this line what do you say?" Rarity asked as Starlight was sewing stars on fabric.
"Sure! In fact I know a book that has a lot of patterns we can use, I'm going to head down to the library and get it" Starlight hesitated for a bit about going outside, but the library was just across the street, no harm right?
She trotted outside and saw it was free book day for the school fillies; hopefully they still had a book she was looking for.
"Hello Miss, more books for Twilight?" asked the librarian, at least she wasn't scared of her.
"Not this time, I just wanted to check out a book starry patterns." she said, she was pointed in the direction where it was, however there were a lot of little ponies there.
"Hi Starlight! Can you help me get that book down, it's the one about Pegasus in the old days" asked Scootaloo who was hovering around trying to get the book.
"Sure I can," she said as she levitated the book down for her.
"Hey guys! Starlight Glimmer is getting books down for us! Come and ask her if you need help!" Sweetie Belle shouted to them, and pretty soon a crowd of fillies and colts surrounded her. It took 30 minutes but she managed to help almost all of them.
"What generous acts of you miss, would you like to help at the library every free book day for the school? I'll even recommend you to Cheerily at the school house" the librarian said to her, Starlight was shocked but happy that someone was being nice to her and she was telling the school teacher about her deed.
"STARLIGHT! Oh thank goodness you are alright dear, I thought something bad had happened again" Rarity burst in to see that she was talking to another pony.
"Oh sorry Rarity, the fillies needed my help so I helped them with the books, here I got that book with patterns for you" she said giving her the book, this made Rarity smile; other ponies were giving her a chance just because of one little deed.
"It's alright dear; now let’s get back to the boutique"
~~~
The past few days had been good for Starlight Glimmer Rarity designed a whole new line with Starlight that turned out amazing, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash raced her, Twilight had been giving her more lessons, Pinkie had another party just for her, and Applejack hung out with her at the farm and gave her a nice talk about friends and family. So far no incidents have happened and she has calmed down a lot since the beginning of the week, now it was the end of the week and Starlight had decided to just walk around town with Spike.
"And that's how I became the dragon lord!" Spike just finished telling her the story about how he and Ember got the staff before anyone else. Starlight giggled before hearing someone scream for help.
"Help me someone! I've lost my foal!" Starlight rushed to the mother’s aid to help find the foal.
"Okay stay calm real quick, what does the foal look like?" Spike asked her
"She's a pink unicorn with a gold mane, her magic is off the hook and she just disappeared!" said the mare
"STARLIGHT LOOK!" yelled Spike as he said the said foal floating at the top of town hall, it was dangerous up there and that foal’s magic was too, she could fall at any time. Starlight panicked, she used her magic to levitate herself towards the foal and quickly grabbed her, however her magic was still weak and couldn't carry herself much longer, holding the foal close as she fell to the ground hopefully the foal would be okay instead of them both dying.
"I'm coming for ya Starlight!" said a familiar voice, Rainbow Dash saw the two falling and flew as fast as she could and caught them just in time, if Dash would have went any faster she would have made a sonic rainboom.
"R-Rainbow?" Starlight stuttered as she found herself and the foal safely on Dash's back. As soon as they landed Starlight kissed the ground and returned the foal to its rightful mother.
"Thank you miss, I can't tell you how thankful I am" said the mare, only to be interrupted by a couple of Canterlot ponies who arrived just in time to see Starlight fall.
"You monster! Letting this brute take your baby and almost kill the foal? She should have been the one to fall to her death if the foal was with its mother!" said the pony, the mare tried to talk to clear Starlight's name, but they wouldn't let her talk. Starlight saved a foal but someone saw at the worst time, she didn't want to hear anymore, she took off running back to the castle at full speed.
"STARLIGHT WAIT!" Spike yelled but decided to try and reason with the pony with the mare, they saw Starlight save the foal, so did other ponies but why didn't they speak up?
~~~
At the castle Twilight was writing things down when she heard both the front door slam open, and soon after another door slammed shut. She got up from her desk to go see the commotion.
"Starlight? Spike? Who's there?" she asked, only to hear heavy sobs coming from one of the rooms.
"Twilight! Starlight ran off again we don't know wh-" he stopped as he and Rainbow Dash heard the sobs coming from her room again.
"Spike what happened?! Everything was going so well!" Twilight asked him.
"Starlight saved a foal from falling and then she fell too but she wanted to save the foal! But someone saw what was going on at the wrong time and called her a monster and said she should have died..." he said, he left the situation once Dash started running off for her, the mother of the foal started to yell at the other pony about how nice Starlight really is and how we should give her a chance.
*CRASH* Thoughts interrupted once the three heard glass breaking from Starlight’s room, the sobs had stopped and so did the other noises.
"DASH BREAK DOWN THE DOOR NOW!" yelled Twilight, she did it again, but that was a lot of glass. Dash busted down the door and the three saw something horrible, Starlight lying in front of the mirror shaking, she slammed her head into it and broke the mirror. She was bleeding fast.
"SPIKE GET THE MEDICAL KIT NOW! DASH CALL AN AMBULANCE!" Twilight shouted in panic as she ran to her, Starlight was still crying but starting to lose consciousness. She wrapped her head in bandages and put a pillow under her head.
"No no no Starlight why did you do it! You were doing so well" Twilight couldn't hold it in anymore, she started to cry as she held her close keeping her warm. Starlight’s hearing and vision started to go, the last thing she heard was the siren from the Pegasus in the ambulance.
~~~~
Starlight Glimmer found herself in a pool of shadows once again, this time a tunnel of white light blinded her through the shadows.
"Step forward and into the light my child" said the voice, it was a mare’s voice that she knew of but she couldn't figure it out yet. She walked forward into the list and saw many doors, each a different shape, color and design.
"Luna? I'm sorry I lost control again... i just couldn't take it anymore" she said as the Princess of the night came into view.
"Walk with me Starlight Glimmer; I saw what happened back there it wasn't pretty. Your friends are very worried about your health, Twilight Sparkle hasn't left your side since they brought you to the hospital" said Luna as she showed an image of a very tired Twilight waiting by her bedside to wake up. "The mare that you saved the foal from is very grateful for what you did, and many bystanders saw your good deed and wanted to congratulate you but you ran away before the other pony had left"
"But I was called a monster Luna, I feel like I just bother other ponies by being alive, and that doesn't feel good I felt like doing the world a favor so I slammed my head into the mirror" she explained to Luna as she listened.
"I understand very well what it is like to be called a monster, especially by the ones you thought you knew well. The point is that suicide isn't the answer, your friends are terrified for you and care a lot, I'm going to wake you up but you must promise to give your friends a chance if they want to help you Starlight... Many ponies care about you and want to see you happy, especially the fillies and colts at the school house. They all need you, I will always be here if you need to talk to me, face your friends Starlight.
~~~~~
Starlight’s eyes opened to another blinding light, this time it was the hospital room she was in, she looked around and saw many ponies starring. Twilight was asleep at the bedside, that’s when Pinkie woke her up.
"STARLIGHT YOU'RE ALIVE!" shouted Pinkie startling Twilight awake, the six ponies looked at her and smiled and cheered, Rarity's eyes were red from crying like Twilights. They all gathered in for a hug.
"We were so worried!"
"Don't ever do that again!"
"We love you GlimGlam!"
"Are you feeling better?"
"We thought you were a goner!"
And many more things were said as they hugged her tightly, Starlight Glimmer was surprised to see her friends and a bunch of ponies from town that came to see her. She thought no one would care if she died, but no so many ponies came here for her just to see if she was okay, she never realized how many ponies knew. Even the mother of the lost foal came to see her.
"I want to thank you again for saving Tulip Rose, I never listened to that gossip anyway but I figure anyone who will save a strangers foal is a good pony at heart, the world really needs to learn how to forgive and forget. I'm glad you’re okay too, after the town heard about all of the deeds you've been doing around town and what happened, they all defended you and came here once they heard you were in the hospital" Starlight couldn't believe her ears, so many ponies defended her and came to visit...
"Thank you all for coming to see me, and thanks for caring that much" she said with a tear in her eyes. Luna was right, there were many ponies that cared for Starlight, she just needed her friends and everything will be just fine.
