> A Marty Stu invades the Multiverse (Chess Game of the Gods)
>  by Keairan
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> Snakessss
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	Once again, I woke up in the middle of a field. This tends to happen more than I like. Stupid djinn, stupid wish to travel the multiverse, and stupid wish to never forget anything. Alright, time to take stock of what I have this time around. I have fairly decent eyesight, but it seems I can't see the color red, though that might just be a general lack of it around. Pushing myself up, I noted I still had hands. Oh good, I still have hands, that'll make life a lot easier. I don't care what those idiots say, hooves suck! I then chanced to look at my lower body. "By all the hellsss?! I have a fucking sssnake tail! That'sss definitely new!"

Figuring I could have a proper freak-out about my new body later, I decide that summoning my armor to me was the first priority in this new world. Clearing my mind of all emotion, I reached out, not to the power, but the fragments of my soul that I left in my armor, my saber, and to my pack. My things all came to me, but not without the pain that always accompanies that summons. All of my limbs spasmed, and thinking back on it now, I'm grateful that I did not bite off my tongue, seeing as that was my new sense of smell and taste. Looking up, my heartstone plate-mail, my power-forged blade, and my pack all where in front of me. I quickly donned the breastplate and arms of my armor, then strapped my saber to my side. Having nowhere else to put it, I put the legs of my armor into my pack, moving about the stuff inside to fit them. Finally, I tested the fit of my closed helmet, which barely fit. I might have to make a new one for my stay here.

Time to go find a stream, I want to see exactly what and how this world has changed me. Instinctively flicking my tongue into the air, my senses suddenly bloomed. My gods, I thought diamond dogs could smell, this is a whole new kind of intense. The sensory overload rendered me semi-catatonic for a little while, my mind having a hard time comprehending all the information. Shaking my head in an attempt to clear my brain, something occurred to me. I'm going to have to be careful about doing that when I channel, that might be enough to cause true problems.

Flicking my tongue again, I tasted water on the air, seemingly coming from the north-east. Undulating forward, I found it to be a somewhat awkward gait, but like all things, what has to be borne, can be. Traveling onward, stopping to flick my tongue every now and again, I came across a small brook. I saw what looked to be a small pool further downstream. Moving forward, I looked into the pool, and was able to see my reflection at last. An imposing figure "stood" in the reflection. This face resembled my own in a lot of ways, but had clear differences. I had no goatee, and when I reached a hand up, did not feel any stubble either. Another thing I noticed was a barely perceptible outline over my entire body, like I had been drawn into existence. My jaw had another barely perceptible difference from normal, a slight snake-like muzzle. I wonder if I can detach my jaw? A quick test showed that yes, I could detach my jaw. The universe has a sense of humor. I've always wanted a girlfriend who could do this, and now I'm the one who can do it.

Taking my canteen out of my pack, I fill it with water from the brook, then take hold of the power and weave a thread of fire to quick-boil it. Makes the water taste nasty, but nobody wants cholera or dysentery. Repeating the process with my other two canteens, I let them cool before placing them in my pack. Satisfied with my preparations, I set off downstream, hopefully towards civilization of some sort.

As I "walked", I pondered the world I was in. Where am I? There's not been any defining characteristics to this world so far that I've seen. No industrial pollution, so that knocks out any heavily industrialized realities. I'm fine with that, The Imperium of Man are a bunch of xenophobic assholes, I would be experimented on by any industrialized instance of Terra, and... and.  Probably a world full of magic, judging by my appearance. Toril perhaps? Abeir? Those are certainly possible. I doubt it's Equestria, I never ran into any snake people in any of my other visits to the Pony Realities.

Continuing on down the stream, I came across a sturdy wooden bridge. With no signs about what was one way or the other, I decided I was going to set up a camp there. I should probably stay here a while, it's a fairly good chance that I'll encounter a traveler here eventually. With that, I took my pup-tent out of my pack and began to set it up. Finishing with that quickly, I took my horn of plenty from my pack and blew into it, waiting for its magic to take affect. A small table appeared before me, with all sorts of meats in front of me. Some of them looked to be small, paralyzed rats. Setting those off to the side, I noted that the horn knew that I was completely carnivorous in this form, which I didn't much care for. I love broccoli, it's literally the best food out there, but that's besides the point.

Eating my meal quickly and in peace, I meditate on battles past while digesting my meal. The sun was going down, and decided watching the stars might tell me where I was.

A bold, beautiful moon came up above the horizon, few craters scaring the side that was facing the planet. As I watched, the stars seemed to appear one at a time, building up possible constellations. A stripe appeared well away from the moon, a possible galactic boundary? I began to look for familiar Terran constellations, but found none from either hemisphere. I tried other worlds, but none matched the sky. Toril is out, as is Abeir. It doesn't match any of the other human predominated realities I've been to. Then I spotted a few known constellations: The farrier, the river, Pegasus, and the four winds. I was on Equestria. There was no denying it. So much for it not being Equestria. I then chuckled around my tongue, an awkward experience to say the least.

Having had enough of star-gazing, I decided to go to bed, reasoning that if I didn't see any ponies or other resident sapients the next day, I would try Tel'aran'rhiod.
> Contact issss Made
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	I woke up the next day, realizing I had failed to do something absolutely vital before bedding down, setting up my alarm wards! You might be incapable of forgetting things, but that was absolutely stupid of you. I thought to myself. Having decided that I wasn't going to travel today, I chose to start training this new body to proper "footwork" and also get some sword practice in. Completely naked in the sunlight, I began my forms. I quickly came to a realization that my sword forms that required me to fleche to work would be out of the question with my tail. Sure, I could still do it, but any opponent worth a damn would beat the ever-loving hell out of my lower body.

Working up a sweat, I finished up my workout by rinsing off in the stream. Getting into the water, I noticed something incredibly odd. I wasn't feeling sluggish at all, but was feeling rather hungry. I'm an endothermic snake creature... Some days I think the universe chooses to bend or violate my knowledge of it just to fuck with me.

Blowing my horn of plenty, I summoned another meal for myself, enjoying a nice meal of summer sausage. Just cause I couldn't eat vegetables anymore doesn't mean that the spices weren't delicious. I finished it up, placing some of the leftovers in my pack, just in case I got hungry earlier than my evening meal.

Having eaten and exercised, I decided to weave my alarm wards in a fairly large area, about a three klicks in diameter. That should give me plenty of early warning. I then decided to take a small nap in the sun, not worried about anyone sneaking up on me now.

About an hour later, a loud wren cry woke me up to a train of ponies being led by a troupe of diamond dogs. I noted that the diamond dogs were armed, and the ponies all seemed to be connected by chains to one another. Reacting quickly, I put on my armor and strapped on my saber, then wove a small illusion to disguise my lower body as feet. Having never seen a snake-man before in other Equestrian lands, I figured that they were either extremely rare, or unique to this world. Maintaining the illusion as best as possible, I "walked" to the edge of the road, greeting the diamond dogs as they closed.

"Hello there!" I called out. "Could one of you fine gentledogssss tell me where I am?" I hate using species specific pronouns, but when in Rome...

The leader, a creature I figured to be a beta based on my prior dealings with them, looked up at me strangely, my armor enclosed body giving no details of what I was. "Yous in Equestria. Not Gem Fido. Equestria, yes!"

"I ssssee, and where exactly in Equessstria am I?" The dog could of course not see it, but my eyebrows where racing for my hairline.

"Yous near Hoofington. Good place, get many fine ponies there." The creature said in his guttural voice.

"I ssssee. And why, pray tell, are you getting poniessss?" My voice was beginning to take on an ice-like quality.

"To dig for gems, of course." The dog said, completely missing the change of my vocal tone.

"I ssssee, and why are you allowed to usse them to dig for your gemssss?" My voice could have frozen a forge.

"Because we captured them." The dog said with a dumb expression.

"Sssso you are sssaying they will be sssslaves?" I embraced the source, and lost all emotion.

The dog nodded once, then a spray of blood was all that was left of his throat as I swung my saber through it. I took in the rest of the troupe, a force of nineteen dogs. I rushed forward, slashing a hole through the dog behind the beta, then channeled a blast of fire into one that reacted to the deaths of the first two. A pile of ash was all the remained in a moment, and the dogs began to turn to run.

Four flashes of silver, and four gouts of blood fountained forth from the routed creatures. A few where trying to escape into the ground, but more bursts of fire ended with more piles of ash.

Completely broken, the vermin threw down their weapons and began to run as fast as they could. They had no chance. I channeled arrows of fire, and with that dozens of small streaks of red buried themselves into the diamond dogs, killing them instantly.

In the space of less than minute and a half, I had killed twenty diamond dogs, leaving no survivors of the war band.

"Are you poniesss alright?" I asked devoid of emotion.

The shell-shocked group looked on me with fear and awe, not even cognizant of what I had asked.

"Are you alright?" I asked again.

One, a cream-colored earth pony mare with a violet mane said "No-o-o-o."

"I didn't figure that wasss the cassse. I'll get you folksss unchained real quick." Reaching out with the power, I broke each shackle, one by one. "Tap your hoovesss against your ssshackles, they ssshould break."

Each pony did exactly that, then took off running back the way they came, heading to Hoofington would be my guess. All of them, that is, except for the cream colored mare. "Thank you, sir." She said in a quavering voice.

"It wasss nothing, hon. I free ssslavesss and kill ssslaversss on principle." I said in a brighter tone, having finally released the power.

"Nothing my hoof, you killed twenty slavers in less time than it takes me to rosin my bow." She said with a little more confidence.

"Sssstill, I would've done that for anyone, and I would have done it even if the circumstances had been reversed." I said with conviction.

"You would have slaughtered ponies?" She asked with a little fear.

"If they were ssslaversss I would have. I desspissse ssslaversss over any other thing in the multiverssse, hon. I have had murder charge upon murder charge becaussse I killed a ssslaver." Seeing the look in her eye, I reassured her "Not here of courssse, in other universssesss, that isss."

"I... see. And what is your name, my good gentlestallion?" She asked, obviously doing her best to change the subject. "My name is Violet Melody, violinist extraordinaire!" She said with a slight flair.

"I am called Martin Ssstewart, but many call me Marty Ssstu." I said with the sound of practice.

"That is an odd name, Marty."

"Where I'm from ma'am, not really, but it'sss not my name, it'sss a title."

"Why would you go by a title, rather than your real name?" She said with an incredulous expression.

"There are many realitiesss where there is a great deal of magic in one's name, including waysss to control a person againssst their will. I am absssurdly powerful, and I have no desssire to be under the potentially maliciousss control of sssomeone elssse."

"You sound like you're full of hot air. I mean, you did kill twenty very quickly with a combination of sword and sorcery, but there's no way you're 'absurdly' powerful."

"I hope I never have to prove you wrong, then." With that, I took off my helmet, giving Violet Melody a full view of my body, or at least the parts not still covered by armor. She winced with the first look at my face, then schooled her face. "Ssscary looking, isssn't it? Equinesss have an instinctive fear of sssnakesss, and here I am, looking a great deal like one."

Her face flushing with embarrassment, she looked up at me and said "Am I that obvious? I didn't want to insult your looks."

"It'sss okay, hon. Thisss face will get some getting usssed to for me as well. My regular body is generally a great deal lesssss sssnake-like and more ape-like in appearance. I think magic forced me to have a form other than my own."

"You keep talking like you're not even from Equestria, like you're from another dimension or something." She said with more than a little curiosity.

"I am, Violet Melody. I'm from a little planet, much like this one, called Terra." At saying this, I noticed a random pebble shift out of the corner of my eye, but I thought nothing of it.

"I have no reason not to believe you, having never seen anypony like you before. I do have one question, though. How did you get here, if you're from another planet from another universe?"

"Ssssimple, hon. I died."


*****


Editing notes: Octavia already has a fairly large role in other fics in this universe, so I'm using the violinist from the episode 'Sweet and Elite'.
> Explanationssss
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Confused by the change in character? Look at the updated author's notes in chapter two


"You died?! You look quite hale and hearty to me." Violet Melody said with doubt in her blue eyes.

"My body in the lassst reality I was in received a fatal wound. Sssspecifically, a bullet to the back of my head." I said with a bit of a pained memory.

"Your last body?"

"My lassst body. I think that every time I come to a new reality I gain a new body, with all the memoriesss my mind hasss collected and all the thingsss  bound to my sssoul coming along for the ride." Seeing the befuddled look in her eyes, I continued on. "Every time I wake up, I've noticed ssscars, wrinklesss, and tattoosss have been erasssed from my form. Or at leassst the onesss that I've gained since I made that wisssh.

She looked all the more confused. I sighed and chuckled. "I'm going to have to give you more than just the Cliff Notesss versssion, aren't I?" She mouthed the words 'Cliff Notes?' and so I explained. "A ssseriesss of booksss that give the abridged versssion and sssummary of a book ssso that sssomeone doesn't have to read or reread the book. Great for literature majorsss and ssslackersss." She nodded her head at that, and motioned for me to explain.

"Before I begin, do you mind if I examine your body for injuriesss real quick? I should be able to heal most anything physically wrong with you. Also, where do you want to go? I know Hoofington is close to here, but I don't have a set destination."

"I guess I'll let you examine me. As to heading to Hoofington, that is fine for the moment. I live north of Canterlot, in a small town called Coltogne. It's known for manufacturing perfumes. Anyways, examine away." She flinched at that last statement, telling me that she was merely humoring me, but I figured that I would take what I could get.

Slithering over to her, I took hold of the power, and began to carefully delve her body, looking for sickness and injury. What I found caused me so much rage that I nearly lost hold of the power. Barely a square inch of her body did not have bruises on it, a break on her left rear pastern looked to have been set to heal wrong on purpose, and her hindquarters. By every god I have ever even heard of being worshiped, her hindquarters. Multiple claw lacerations on her flanks, almost completely obscuring her cutie mark. Severe deep bruising along the entirety of her hind end. Multiple abrasions and bruises along the flesh of the vagina, and a torn anus. Amazingly, no infections, and thankfully, no foals.

I took hold of threads of earth, fire, water, air, and spirit, and began to weave. Starting off, I healed the bruises along her body, easing each one as I went. I then healed the lacerations on her flank, showing the purple eighth note on her flanks. I then got to her reproductive system, and started healing those areas, grateful that I was able to do this for the poor mare. "Violet, I need to ask your permissssion for sssomething elssse."

Feeling dazed at the lack of pain along much of her body, she asked "What?"

"Your rear left passstern has healed in a posssition that will cause you pain for the ressst of your life if I don't fix it, but to do so, I'm going to have to re-break that fracture. I don't have any pain deadening herbsss on me, and thisss will hurt a lot. Thisss isss completely your decisssion, you can wait until we're at a proper hospital for the procedure, I'm just offering." I say without emotion

The lack of pain still new to her, she takes a moment figure out her response. "I'll wait. I've gotten this far on it, I can go the seventy or so miles to Hoofington." She gets to her hooves, and starts to head off in the direction of the town.

Letting go of the power, I look at her. I admire her tenacity, but curse her silliness, so decide to speak up. "Alright, we'll wait till Hoofington for that, but you aren't walking with that injury."

She looked back at me stubbornly from her admittedly pretty blue eyes. "I can walk, so I shall."

"And risssk ssscrewing up your leg beyond what I can heal? Or what any unicorn can heal? How do you expect to hold your violin if you can't ssstay upright? Sssitting in a chair like a human? I know for a fact that'sss hard on a pony ssspine, and getsss quite painful after a while. No, you aren't walking. I will tie you up and put you on my back before I let you do that. Your optionsss are riding my back , or riding on my back tied up." I tell her all this with a slightly predatory grin.

"Fine, fine. I'll ride on your back."  She begins to mutter under her breath, which I imagine is something about "stupid snake thing" or something or other.

I begin to go about my camp, packing up all my things and place them in my pack, leaving the canteens out for my rider and myself. I then pick up about forty pounds of the scrap chain that the prisoners where being held by, as well as the gems that where on the diamond dogs.

"All aboard for Hoofington! Lassst call, all aboard for Hoofington!"  She giggles up at me beautifully, and climbs up on my back at the base right behind my pack.

Joining in on the impromptu humor, she replies "Conductor, I seem to have misplaced my ticket somewhere."

Bending over, I grabbed a spilled gem and hold it up. "Don't worry, I found it." With that I started to slither towards our destination.

After about five minutes of silence while slithering, I pipe up with what we were talking about before I healed most of her injuries. "You wanted an explanation of my hissstory, correct?"

"That would be nice, knowing something about my rescuer."

"You asssked for it. To my mind, I was born to a happy family over thirty-thousssand years ago. I grew up quickly and happily. My father had a good job that allowed my mother to ssstay at home and look after my big sister and myself. Once I hit eighteen, which isss the age of semi-majority where I'm from, I headed off to college to gain knowledge for a career. I had a good time, but lacked diligence in my studiesss, ssso I had to take some time off to get sssome money to return."

By the end of that sentence, Violet had finally regained her composure. "OVER THIRTY-THOUSAND YEARS OLD?!"

"Yup, but I'll explain how I'm that old and not sssome sssort of god in a moment."

"Fine, but it better be good."

"Oh it isss. Anywaysss, as I was sssaying. I wasss working a dead-end job in an attempt to gain funding to return to higher education. Getting frussstrated, I decided to take a weekend hiking vacation near where I lived. I found a natural cave along the trail I wasss walking, and as it wasss rather warm out, decided to cool off in the ssshade of the cave. I walked in, and happened to trip over an old brasssss bottle, completely green with corrosssion. I wasss able to get the top off, when a large cloud of sssmoke flew out of the bottle, coalessscing into the ssshape of a man."

"He ssspoke to me, sssaying 'I am the Djinni of the bottle, and you have freed me from my imprisonment. I only give three wishes, but any three wissshes shall be granted.' I'd alwaysss wanted to travel, to well and truly travel to places of my imagination, ssso for my first wish I chossse to be able to travel the multiverssse. My memory had never been asss good asss I had wanted it to be, ssso for my sssecond wisssh I wissshed for a perfect memory. For my third and final wisssh, I wissshed for the Djinn to return to hisss bottle."

"Why would you waste a wish like that?" Violet asked in confusion.

"Many of the legendsss about Djinn dessscribe them as being dessstructive creatures if allowed to run loossse. I merely put it back in itsss cage."

"Okay, that makes sense. Please, continue."

"I finished my trip, and went back to my home. I began reviewing my textbooksss, and noticed that I could remember the text perfectly, even ssseeing the diagramsss in a photographic fashion. I then decided to tessst my first wish, along with a theory I had about the nature of the multiverssse. I wrote down a little ssstory about a world where everything wasss made out of gold, and all the other easssily tangible elementsss where either absssent or extremely rare. Concentrating on my dessstination, I sssoon found myssself there. The world was interesssting, but it was sssomewhat painful to be there, asss the light reflected off of everything, and hurt my eyesss. I picked up sssome gold off the ground, and concentrated on my home reality. I returned, but I no longer had the gold I had picked up."

"So you can't take anything with you between the worlds you travel to?" She asked around a swallow of water.

Following her example, I took a quick swig and then answered. "I can only take thingsss that are bound to my sssoul between realitiesss. I found a reality with the correct magic that wasss able to split my sssoul and place partsss in my armor, my sssword, and my pack. It's why I have these objectsss inssstead of being either naked or esssssentially naked."

"Didn't it hurt to have your soul split like that?" She asked with a bit of concern.

"It's the worssst pain I have ever felt in my life. I passed out the pain was ssso bad. Sssummoning my equipment to me alssso hurts, but it hasss become tolerable with time."

"Why would you do something that causes you pain like that?" She asked with real concern.

"I have, in the time I've exisssted, been ssshot to death, ssstabbed, tortured, electrocuted, hung, poisssoned, incinerated, had partsss cut off, ssstoned, beaten to death with blunt objectsss, and been dropped in acid. Many of those deaths are more painful, ssso a little bit of pain now sssavesss on a lot of pain later."

"That makes sense, I guess. But why do you put yourself in the position to have to deal with those problems?"

"The multiverssse is not a pleasssant place, hon. I count the timesss I've ssspent in Equessstrian realitiesss as vacationsss for the most part. Even the violent onesss are generally comparatively pleasssant."

"Wait, wait! You say there is more than one Equestria?!" She cried out in astonishment.

"Honey, I'm certain there are thousssands of inssstancesss of Equessstria, along with thousssandsss of instancesss of Terra, of Corellia, of Nirn, and basically any universsse you can think of. Every time you write a piece of prossse, or make a poem with ssstory-like elements, a new reality is either made, or a connection is opened up. It generally doesn't matter to most folks, asss very few have the ability to move between realities. I've met only one other, and he was a sssickly fellow, nearing the end of his life at only sssixty."

"Something just occurred to me, if you have a perfect memory, and you've lived as long as you have and experienced that type of pain, how are you not completely and utterly insane?"

"Patience my dear, I will explain to the bessst of my ability sssoon enough."

"Anyways, back to your explanation?"

"I returned without my gold, but I had gained sssomething jussst asss valuable, knowledge. To cheat the sssystem, you have to underssstand the rulesss, and the rulesss can be re-written if you know what you are doing, or that was my reasssoning at least. I decided to write a new world. I made it an exact copy of my home instance of Terra, but it had a sssignificant difference. A traveler who came upon that world that wasss not from that reality would gain the ability to channel the appropriate half of the one power with an ability beyond that of the 'Dragon Reborn' and receive knowledge of how to do every weave ever. Also, thisss ability and knowledge would ssstay with that traveler for forever."

"One power? Dragon Reborn? Weaves? What the hay are you talking about?" She asked.

I chuckled at her question, seeing as many people from my home reality hadn't heard of the ssseriesss, I would need to explain this to her as well didn't surprise me. "In my home reality, and in several other sssimilar realities, a fantassstic book ssseriesss detailed a sssubssset of magic that sssoundsss and isss more powerful than any non-deity level magic that I've ever heard of. The one power drives the wheel of time, which weaves together ssspace-time in a linear fashion that we mortalsss, and ssso-called immortals, can interact with. It hasss two halvesss: Sssaidin for malesss, and Sssaidar for femalesss. Since I am male, I channel Sssaidin." I took a quick swig of water, and a deep breath.

"The Dragon Reborn wasss a very powerful male channeler in the book ssseriesss, and weavesss are what one callsss when you form the power into a ussseful form. When I healed you, I weaved together healing. That fire I made to kill the diamond dogs were two different formsss of battle weavesss, both ussseful for killing multiple enemiesss quickly. Ssstill with me?"

"Barely. This is a ton of information all at once."

"I underssstand completely, I don't expect you to underssstand it all. I sssometimesss am unsssure about it myself. Anywaysss, back to my ssstory. I went to that world, and that'sss when I ssstarted to have true problemsss."  I sigh at this, not quite sure how edited of a version I want to give this obviously traumatized mare, who was probably using my story to distract herself from what happened to her during her captivity.

"When I got there, the firssst thing I felt wasss a headache. This wasssn't one of your run of the mill headachesss, not even a migraine. My head felt like it was going to burssst, implode, and catch fire all at once. Fairly quickly, my mind broke, and I began to lasssh out at the landssscape around me. I lassshed out, until the resultsss of my lassshing out killed me." That's the nice and polite way of saying that you destabilized the core of an entire planet, and likely killed around seven billion sentients, to say nothing of the flora and fauna. I then returned to my story. "I woke up to a bright new place, surrounded by brightly colored equinesss everywhere, ssscared of my appearance and my obviousss insssanity. Thisss wasss my firssst time to Equessstria, and I wasss going to make it mine. Noting the sssimilaritiesss to the local populace and herd animalsss on my home planet, I began forcing every pony I could into large paddocksss I channeled whole out of the ground. I was able to do this to the entirety of a settlement, what I later learned wasss called Ponyville.  Two large specimensss russshed me, which were of courssse Celestia and Luna, attacking me in an attempt to defend their sssubjectsss. I'm ssstill not quite sssure what I did to them, but after I did it, they acted like horsssesss from my world. Ssseemingly nothing could challenge me asss the planet ssslowly died from the lack of the movement of the sssun and moon."

I could feel the vibrations of what was probably fear along my back.

"I wasss luckily not doomed to murder thisss planet, and in fact, I didn't kill a sssingle pony. A group of sssix maresss, who you probably know of asss the Elementsss of Harmony, blasssted me with the power of their talisssmansss, banissshing the madnesssss from my mind. We where all quite lucky, as it healed the damage I had done to the princesssssesss, as well asss the ponies around. Long ssstory ssshort, I spent the next sssixty years cleaning up the messsss I had made, and eventually earning a modicum of ressspect from that world's populace." I took a deep breath, then continued on. "I died of old age in that world, then woke up in a completely different place, a place that I recognized from descriptions I had read of asss Corellia. I knew then I wasssn't going to truly die for sssome time."

"That's fascinating, but you left two things out, how you haven't gone insane again, and why you didn't simply return home after you regained your sanity." She sipped her canteen as we traveled beneath the sun, it starting to set into the west.

"I'm not quite sssure why I've not gone insssane again. I think it might be an effect of getting hit by the Elementsss of Harmony. Asss for returning to my home reality, I think my insssanity made me lossse consssciousss control of that ability. Anywaysss, I'm thinking we ssshould ssstop for the evening. We have a lovely ssstream right over there, and sssome flat ground that isss absssolutely perfect for the tent."

"We still have some daylight, we could make a few more miles." Violet said with a slight pout.

"We could, but I want to get everything ssset up, including my wardsss, before dark. Besssidesss, water is ssstupid amountsss of important. I alssso imagine you're rather hungry. Ssslaversss and ssslave ownersss aren't exactly known for feeding their ssslavesss well."

"True, but I'm not really all that hungry." A large growl coming from her stomach quickly showed off her lie. "Or maybe I am hungry. I suppossse we can stop for the evening."

"That'sss good, becaussse I wasssn't planning on moving forward anymore today." I began to walk about the suggested camp area, making a jacks hole, along with setting up my wards. I had no desire to end up as chow for a possibly hungry predator, nor for that sweet young mare to end up either back in captivity, or as a similar dinner. She's suffered enough for the moment.

Having finished setting up the tent, I look over at my new companion. "Ready to sssee sssome magic that makes any unicorn magic you've ever ssseen look like a parlor trick?" I assume that this version of Equestria is like most in that they do not have the ability to conjure food from seemingly nothing.

She looks over at me, and looks hopeful. "I'd love to, please show me."

I then reach into my pack and pull out my horn of plenty, and show it to her. "Watch, and be amazed by this artifact'sss powersss." With that, I blow into the horn, summoning forth a table with two chairs, one appropriate for a pony, and one for a Yuan-Ti. On the table is an amusing dichotomy. The side set up for me was covered in a assortment of cooked and bloody meats, whereas the side for her was seemingly any fruit you could ask for, along with what smelled like a delicious quiche.

Her eyes ballooned looking at the feast, which considering how large a pony's eyes are normally, they became a truly comical size. I chuckled, and then spoke. "Yoursss looks pretty good, if I do say so myself. Anywaysss, dig in, but eat ssslowly. You don't want to eat too much too quickly, sssurfeit isss no fun after being ssstarved." I was, of course, speaking from experience.

"Alright." With that, she grabbed several apples, some pears, and the quiche. I laughed when she looked at a pomegranate with confusion. "How do I eat this, and what is it?"

"It'sss a pomegranate, and they are delicious. I'll prepare it for you." With that, I slithered over and picked it up, and took a knife to it. I cut off the crown, and then scored the sides, finally pulling it apart. "You eat the red fruity partsss, but ignore the white partsss and the ssskin. The ssseeds are completely healthy." I grabbed a few seeds, and popped them into my mouth to show off my point. They still taste good, but the spell detects biology. I know this isn't good for me. Guess fruit and vegetables are going to be candy for me in this universe. Along with actual candy, bread, and cupcakes. I was interrupted from my musing by the moan of pleasure coming from Violet's mouth after trying the pomegranate.

"By Celestia! This is absolutely amazing! Why have I never heard of this fruit before?"

"I don't know, hon. They might not exissst in this world period, or don't get exported much, not being a sssuper cold tolerant plant." I explain. With that, I start in on my own meal, taking a cooked rabbit haunch, and eat it whole. It tasted amazing, like everything else the horn creates. We continue the meal in silence, my doing so as to not interrupt the hungry mare, and Violet because she was stuffing her face.

The hour came to an end, and Violet has finally had her fill. The magic of the horn sent the table, all the leftover food, and the chairs away. "I have never felt better after a meal, and that was quite possibly the best meal I've ever had. What magic allows you to create such a wondrous thing?"

"You know how I've sssaid I've traveled to other worldsss?" She nodded. "That horn wasss made in a ssspecific part of a world called Toril, on the continent of Faerûn. The magic of that world isss quite different from the magic you know. It isss more heavily focusssed on causssing harm and death, as well as usssing gifts from their ssso-called godsss to heal and bring folksss back from the dead. This horn recreatesss a spell that isss basssed upon the giftsss of their 'godsss'."

"So Celestia could gift someone with the ability to recreate this spell?"

"To my knowledge, no. Magic worksss differently in essssentially every world I've been to. Yoursss is no exception in that fact."

"That's too bad. We could really use that ability."

"I'm sssure. It's why I feel no shame in sssharing the bounty of it'sss abilities with others. Anywaysss, we ssshould get sssome sssleep, no sssenssse in getting up too late tomorrow. I want to get that leg of yours healed, pronto. Oh, and you get the tent, I'll sssleep on the ground."

"Okay, Marty. If you insist." 

"I do. Good night, Violet."

"Good Night." With that, she went inside the tent.

I curled up, and used part of my own lower body as a pillow, which worked out fairly well. I fell asleep fairly quickly, not really acknowledging Luna's night.


*****


"No! No! Get away from me! Stop! Please Stop! For the love of Celestia, stop it!"

I was awoken from my slumber by these yells. Grabbing my saber, I slither as fast as I can to the entrance of the tent, prepared to destroy whatever was hurting my new friend. Opening the tent, and looking inside, all I see is a screaming mare, entrapped in the remains of my bedroll. I toss my saber off to the side, and enter the tent. I gently shake her awake as best I can.

She cries out "No!" and wallops me across my muzzle. With that, she wakes up. She sees my face, and screams again. She begins to struggle with the shredded bedroll, trying to get away. "Snake monster! Snake monster!"

The statement stings, but I decide to combat it as I always have, humor. "Even if the ssstatement isss true, you don't have to call me a monssster. I'm alssso only half sssnake. The ressst of me looksss roughly human." I make a semblance of a pout, but It just doesn't work with my current face, along with the bruise on my muzzle.

She finally comes back to herself, and looks up at me. "Sorry for calling you a monster. You may be ugly, but you aren't a monster."

"Thanksss, I think." With that, I massage the spot she hit.

We stare at each other for a bit, the awkward silence hanging in the air. "Ssso, want to tell me what you were dreaming about that causssed you to be ssscared enough to hit me?"

"Hit you? Oops. Sorry." Her fur around her face turned from a cream to a deep crimson. 

How they can blush around all that fur I will never understand, but eh, it looks adorable.

She sighs, and begins to speak. "I was remembering my time in the mines. I'm only good at violin, not worth anything at all outside of cooking at anything else. I'm horrible at even getting things to grow, and I'm an earth pony."  She shudders, then continues on. "The guards... tired of my inability to be efficient at digging up gems. They tried to beat this out of me, but it made me even worse at digging. One of the guards came to a conclusion, if she's no good for digging, lets use her in other ways." She started crying now, just absolutely bawling her eyes out. "H-h-he f-f-forced himself on me. He used me for what seemed like hours." She starts to scream while crying. "I was a virgin! He took my virginity! I was s-s-saving myself for a really special pony!"

I had long since figured out she'd been raped, but I hadn't wanted to say anything until she did. I merely slithered next to her, and drew her into a hug. She continued to sob, and began to squeak out the rest of her story.

"He told the other guards what he had done, and they all started to take turns with me. One of them got the idea to use my tail-hole. I screamed loud enough it made my ears hurt. I lashed out with my left rear hoof, and caught the one who was currently using me with that leg, and I took off running."  She starts to cry a little less, then continues on. "He caught me easily, and broke that leg. He broke it like a twig. And then he started raping me again."

"They used me up, and then decided they would trade me to another tribe."

"And that'sss when I found you."

"And that's when you found me. I have no clue what would've happened to me if you hadn't come along."

"A ssshort life of pain, probably. But it'sss over now, and your life isss only going to get better." I had begun to scratch my fingers through her mane, easing what tension I could.

She yawned, and said "I certainly hope so."

With that, she fell sleep in my arms, and I couldn't put her down without potentially reawakening her. Deciding to make the best of it, I curl up around her, and fall back asleep.
> Of Sssnakesss and Poniesss
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I wake up the next morning, noting a warm tickling sensation against my abdomen. I look down, and see Violet snuggled up against me, cozy as can be. I gently disentangle myself from her, and exit my tent to begin my morning exercises. Trying to figure out the proper stride for my new "legs" I go through all my forms. Boar rushed down hill shifted into arc of the moon. Courtier taps his fan shifted into boar rushes down the mountain. More and more forms pass through, leading up to a fencer's salute, and then sheathing my saber.

"Wow." Comes from some distance behind me. "I don't think I've ever seen such grace before."

"Really? That'ss too bad. I've watched real blademassterss go through the formss before, and it's enough to make one cry. I'm a disstorted reflection comparatively." I reply back.

"They're better than you? How? Shouldn't experience trump most everything in a fight?" She asks, confused.

"It doess give me sseveral trickss that more inexperienced sswordssman don't know, but thosse trickss all have glaring flawss, which a true blademasster would usse to put a few extra holess in oness body. Thing iss, I'm jusst not fasst enough to be a true masster of physical martial artss." I reply evenly.

"Physical... wait, your magic, duh." She giggles "I'm such a silly filly for forgetting."

"Eh, not really. You really aren't ussed to sspeciess bessidess unicornss able to usse 'magic'." I then toss my sheathed saber off to the side, then get in the stream, cleaning off the sweat from my workout and the night before. "Feel free to bathe in the sstream. It's no hot bath, but it sshould make you feel like a new mare."

She limps over to the stream, dips her hoof in, and gulps. The water is quite cold, but I can see the idea of being clean is an appealing one to her. She backs up, then hobbles into the deeper part of the stream. I can see her starting to swim about, and can hear her softly nickering. "It's so cold! How can you stand this? Aren't snakes cold blooded!?"

"I don't think I am. I do fine in cold temperaturess from what I can tell. Plus, it'ss refresshing after working out. Hot water iss still better, though." With that, she climbs out of the stream, and begins to shake herself off. Her fur, mane and tail all frizz out horribly.

"It'ss a good thing you don't have a ssocial obligation to get to today. You're just a tad... um, frizzy." I say trying not to laugh.

She walks over to the stream, and finds a pool that manages to reflect her. "My goodness. Not going to be playing for Coltegie Hall looking like this."

"Eeeyup." With that statement, I get out of the stream and shake myself off as well. Drying off quickly, I decide to start packing up everything as quickly as possibly, only leaving out the horn, and the now filled canteens. We eat quickly, Violet no longer ravenous, but sensing my urgency to get on the road.

She hops up on my back, and off we go, me telling stories of my past.


*****


...A few hours later.

I had decided I was only going to tell her the funnier and happy stories of what I'd gone through. One of which was an instance of Equestria that insisted on having everything gender swapped.

"... Sso I woke up, and did my normal sself-check of my body, making ssure I'm not ssome new, awkward sspeciess. I first notice my handss, and then note I can feel my legss flexing normally for a human. I then try and sstand up, and notice that my center of gravity hass shifted, and sshifted extremely weirdly. I look down at my body, and I notice that I now have boobs. And I'm not jusst talking normal A or B cupss, I'm talking E cups, the big oness."

"Boobs? Cups? A, B, E?" Violet, who is sitting on my back, probably with an absolutely confused expression on her face, judging by her tone of voice.

I smile sheepishly, then explain. "Boobss are one of the sslang termss humanss use to refer to a female'ss mammary glandss. Cup ssize refers to what ssize bra they have to wear, which is a ssupportive garment for said mammariess. A,B, and E are letterss in the alphabet from where I'm originally from."

"Oh... I guess that makes sense. Why do I have a feeling researchers would love to get at your brain?" She says with what sounded like a smirk.

"Becausse they would. Anywayss, I sstart to freak out. I'm only about three-thousand years old at this point, and haven't dealt with a lot of transsformationss. I ssaid 'I'm a chick! I'm a chick! Oh god! I'm a chick!'" I chuckled, remembering that awkward moment. "Anywayss, a hyperactive pink sstallion showss up right next to me, and ssayss 'You are the weirdesst looking baby chicken I've ever sseen.' At this point, I faint."

"Wait, you fainted? At seeing a pink pony?"

"Well, it was sseeing Pinkie Pie, who I've know in other realities, as a Sstallion. That was more than a little awkward. Anyways, I come to, and get introduced to Ponyville, 'cept it was gender-sswapped." I stop for a moment, noting that I was talking with my s's less pronounced. Guess I'm getting more used to talking around a freaking snake tongue. "Many laughss were had when I accidentally called sseveral different ponies by their names I know normally."

"I moved into a house out near the Everfree Foresst, because, frankly, unnatural weather patternss and animals like what the pony landss have tend to make me uncomfortable."

"Unnatural?" The confusion in Violet's voice was thick enough to be cut with a knife.

"Unnatural. Terra, and most worldss for that matter, have weather and animalss that take care of themsselvess. In certain worldss the weather is affected by what ssapientss do, but all worlds outside of the pony worlds have animalss that are completely capable of living without outsside interference." A pebble shifts innocuously elsewhere.

"Ah, I see."

"Anywayss, back to my sstory. I was in town one day, when I sspotted an abssolutely gorgeouss unicorn mare. Her name was Sstar Night, and she had an indigo mane and a light charcoal coat." I slightly sighed at the remembrance.

"Wait, you fell for a pony while you were human?" She said, sounding slightly squicked.

"Yess, I figured if I was willing to date out of my sspeciess when I didn't look like my sspeciess, it was beyond hypocritical of me to not date out of my species when I did look like my sspeciess."

"Interesting. Continue, please."

"We sstarted going out, and were having a great time.  One evening, we decided to go out, and I over-indulged on alcohol, which, as I've told you, iss a bit of a weaknesss of mine."

"Mmmm-hmmm."

"Anywayss, I got blitzed, and wass able to temporarily cancel out my memory wissh.  About a month and a half later, I noticed that I couldn't channel as eassily, but thought nothing of it. I hadn't noticed that I was no longer menstruating. What with being a male for forever and a day, that's something you just don't think about. Anyways, I kept on getting thesse weird cravingss, and being oddly moody and such.  I finally figured out that I wass pregnant."

"You.. got pregnant.

"Yup."

"With a foal."

"Human'ss generally call them babiess, but your sstatement iss half-right."

"What. The. Hay?"

"As soon ass I figured out I wass pregnant, and I had only been with my marefriend to my knowledge, I started to interrogate everyone, trying to figure out who the father wass. I assked pretty much every sstallion in town, making ssure that they were not, in fact, the father. Turnss out, I should've just assked Sstar Night. Sshe told me 'Oh, I jusst cast the spell that allowss a couple of mares to have a foal on you. It'ss not uncommon, and you did assk.'"

By this point Violet is doing her best to breathe she's laughing so hard, while I'm chuckling myself.

"Anywayss, I tell her 'Why didn't you tell me you casst that on me? I've been going nutss trying to figure out who the daddy iss.' She replied to me 'You where the one who assked me, I asssumed you knew.'  'You know I don't remember ssquat when drunk.' 'True.' 'Oh well, at leasst that ansswerss the question about whether or not you'll help me with the baby.'"

I hear a "d'awwww" behind me, which I can't help but smile at.

"Sso I kept getting bigger and bigger, and the doctors who examined me asssumed I was having twins, one human kid and one foal. The foal wass male and they couldn't figure out what gender the other one wass. So I tell Sstar 'We're naming the foal Sleipnir, and there iss nothing you can ssay to change my mind.' She lookss at me, then concedess the point, as sshe knows I can eassily wrap her up in flowss of air and tickle her till she begss for mercy."

"Sso here I am, about eight months pregnant, heading to Ponyville, and suddenly a female Pinkie Pie popss up randomly. I sshrug and move on, not really worried about it at the time. I finally come to Sugarcube corner, and I notice that Berry Blitz, or male Pinkie Pie, iss in the shop. It takes me a moment, but then I realize that there are now two party ponies in Ponyville, and you'll never guesss what I wass thinking."

"What were you thinking."

Oh look, a apocalypse I didn't cause. "Oh look, a dissaster I didn't causse. And It'ss going to have cake! Unfortunately, I didn't get my cake, something about the female harmony members needing to return to their world. They also didn't destroy Ponyville, either."

"Sso I get into my tenth month, which is extremely abnormal for human women, as we have nine month pregnanciess, when the baby decidess it wantss to show up. I'm laying in a hosspital bed, doing my abssolute best to crussh Sstar'ss hoof with one of my handss. I was in labor for just over sseventeen hourss, and I gave birth to a healthy centaur foal, baby, whatever type thing. None of uss, of coursse, were expecting a centaur, just twinss. The afterbirth is dealt with, and I got the unique experience of nurssing my kid."

"I'd say it was." Violet says, slightly uncomfortable.

"Sso Ssleipnir grew, and grew, and grew, topping out at about seven feet tall. Amazing what geneticss will do for you, geness for a long torso attached to a pony basse. He wass ssuch a nice boy, too."

"So that's what a centaur is."  A moment of silence, and then Violet caught my statement. "Wait, was?"

"I outlived him, which iss fairly common. He couldn't channel, sso his lifetime, while long for a human, wass sshort for a channeler. He died of old age at one-hundred and twenty." My voice was hollow, seemingly defeated.

"I'm sorry. It must hurt to bury your children. But why would being able to channel lengthen your life?" She asked in a sympathetic tone."

"Thosse who can channel live for a long time, about ten times ass long ass a normal human. And before you ask, the Elementss of Harmony shortened my lifesspan in that firsst world. I'm guesssing if I couldn't channel, I would've lived for at mosst a year after taking that hit." I could hear a mouth closing at that statement, my ability to predict shutting off her train of thought.

Wanting to change the mood away from where it had gone, I decide to say what I'd been thinking for a while. "Sso anywayss, I admit I'm getting tired of jusst walking like thiss, and like I keep ssaying, I'm worried about that leg. How do you feel about heightss?" Depending on her answer, she was going to get to experience something awesome, along with shortening this trip a great deal.

"I'm fine with heights. I used to go cliff diving as a filly." She asks in a confused manner.

"How do you feel about hang-gliding?"

"Always wanted to try, but where are you going with this?"

With that, I took hold of saidin, and channeled two solid wings over my body. "I will sstrap you down to my tail, and I'll make gatewayss to get us into the air. This sshould cut our travel time dramatically." I was able to make a gateway that only displaced in the z direction extremely easily, only two minutes of familiarization needed. Something about only changing one coordinate, I would guess.

"Wait! Wait! Can't you test this out first?" She wailed.

"Oh, I know thiss workss, done it sseveral times as a human. Thiss will be fun." With that said, I channeled to make a rectangular gateway, something like eight feet tall and thirty-two feet wide. I was planning on adding wingspan after getting through. Even I have limits on how big I can make a gateway, and three hundred square feet was the absolute maximum unaided. I get a 'running' start, and form larger wings as parts of the hang-glider pass through.

"Stop! Stop! Put me down!" She's screaming now.

I feel guilty at doing this to her, but I wanted that leg healed asap. We've passed through the gateway, and starting to soar through the air. I tie off the weaves holding together the glider, then close the gateway. We're about a klick off the ground, a survivable fall for my passenger, not so much for me. We float above the ground, probably moving about fifty klicks per, and as we soar, a veritable city appears in front of me. Wow, a ponified Chicago. Hooftington equals Chicago, who knew? At least this one isn't a fucking death trap. I see a lake, and decide that's as good a landing area as any.

"Hey Violet?" This snaps her out of her muttering to herself, hugging my back for all she's worth.

"What!" She asks angrily.

"I'm going to do a water landing. We sshouldn't really have to sswim for it, but thought you might like to know before we got wet. Hold on tight!"

As we come closer to the city, I accidentally ran into a large thermal, shooting us up into the air. A white male pegasus happens to spot us as we rise on the thermal. The expression on his face as we glided past was priceless, and I wish I could've spared the concentration to laugh at him, but trying to land took all of my concentration.

"Hey you! What are you doing with that pony!" I glance back, and spot the armor on the pegasus. Oh goody, one of the guard.

"Trying to land!" I yell back, but it's lost in the wind.

"Release her, monster!" He yells as he alights from the ground.

"Be happy to, give me a minute!" Once again, my reply is lost.

The stallion comes by, the back draft of his wings making the hang-glider wobble in the air.

"Ssstop that!" I yell out, the stallion finally hears that.

"No." He buffets the glider again, causing it to buck and yaw.

"Ssseriousssly, ssstop, you'll make us crasssh!" I'm grabbing the source at this point, but not sure what to do.

"Let go!" His final fly-by causes the glider to tip on edge, and we begin to plummet.

"Aaaahhh!!!" Violet's screaming, understandably, but does not help my concentration. I manage to get the glider out of it's free-fall at about twenty meters above the water. I also notice I'm about two-hundred meters away from the lake's edge.

That's not going to happen, guess we go for plan b. I grab Violet with the power, bring her to my front, and then proceed to wrap myself around her as gently but firmly as I can. I then detach us from the glider, and throw up the best shield I can around us. We bounce along the surface of the water, and then hit the beach, which we continue to bounce along. After bouncing about one-hundred and twenty meters along the beach, we come to a complete stop.

"Urrrgh" That noise coming from Violet sends a surge of relief along the edges of the void.

"You okay, Violet?" I feel multiple bruises up and down my body, but nothing that felt major. The only reason I'm not bleeding out right now is because I can channel. is what goes through my emotionless mind.

"Bruised, but I should be alright if I don't go hang-gliding again any time soon. Thanks for listening to me, by the way." She gives me a look that would've made most back away. I do nothing but take it, because what's she going to do, glare me to death?

We got ourselves together, and I made sure I still had everything in my pack, which, thankfully, I still did, then started to head towards the city. I still hadn't let go of the source, not wanting to go into a potential ambush unprepared, as the stallion had disappeared.

"Hopefully that'ss the lasst bit of excitement for the day, though I wouldn't bet on it." I say with a resigned sigh. "Hop up on my back."

"I'll be so glad when I don't have to do this anymore. This is so demeaning." She says with a sigh of her own.

I'm being ridden by a creature that greatly resembles a species that humans domesticated to carry burdens, and she's the one who feels demeaned? That's it! I'm going to glue her hoof to something once she recovers, and then I'm going to tickle her until she begs for mercy!  And apparently plotting petty revenge doesn't necessarily need to be emotional. We stop outside of the city, a mixed force of the city guard, headed up by that annoying white pegasus is there to greet us.

"Stop where you stand, monster!" The stallion yells out.

I continue onwards, and let out some cold anger. "I'm sslithering, not sstanding, you dumbasss. As for the monster bit, at leasst I haven't nearly killed two travelerss today, one of which iss looking for medical attention." The desire to turn the pegasus into ash is so great I can barely control it, but I wasn't going to take much more.

"Stop where you slither, then sir." 

This bloke reminds me of most cops I've met. Drunk on power, and just hoping to be able to use it on some poor fool. I almost hope he's dumb enough to attack me.

"I take it your passsenger is the one who dessiress medical attention?" The stallion asks.

"Yess, but I don't trusst you not to accidentally kill her, so I'll take her there mysself. Now if you would be sso kind as to give me directionss, we will be on our way." My voice could have frozen steel, but I did not care.

"I will escort you there myself. The lack of trust is mutual." The stallion has the face of a thundercloud at this point. I'd wager he also had the intelligence of one.

"After you."  The stallion then flies at a pace I can keep up with.

"What do you think you are doing!?" Violet hisses at me. "Angering the guard can have serious consequences."

"For them, or for me?" I ask blithely.

"Yes, but mostly for you." She spits back.

"And yet the conssequencess of angering me to the point of action would be far worsse." I wait a beat, then say "I might do ssomething drasstic, like cry." I decide to take a look at Violet's expression at this last statement. To say that it's funny is the understatement of the day. I let go of the source, and start to laugh.

"Why are you laughing, creature."

"Oh, nothing that a planarian like you would undersstand."

He looks at me, puzzled, then started to fly along.

"What's a planarian?" Violet whispers to me.

"It's a microscopic worm" I whisper back.

After about four blocks, we finally reach the hospital, where a wheelchair was waiting for Violet.

"We heard something about somepony needing medical attention?" One of the medical ponies asks.

"The mare riding on me has a passtern that has healed wrong. Looks like it was set that way on purpose. It's the rear-left." I spouted off in my best medicalese, which isn't that suited for equines.

"Marty, I could've told them myself." Violet mildly whines to me.

"Ssure you could've, hon. I jusst happened to beat you to it." I wince when I say beat, thinking about what's happened to her lately.

The medical staff, completely ancillary to my conversation with Violet, look at each other, impressed with even the slight knowledge I'd shown.

"I'm Doctor Morphine, and we'll get that hoof back in working order in no time." A unicorn doctor with a syringe for a cutie mark says.

I'm sure you will, also, please don't get my charge hooked on pain medicine. Your name just screams overmedicating.

With that, the doctor lifts Violet off my back and places her in the wheelchair, then wheels her inside.

I then turn to the guard that had finally landed. I grab the source, and weave a ward against eavesdropping over the two of us. I then look over at the guard and smile. "Ssir, thank you for esscorting us to the hosspital, but, if you ever endanger anyone who I take ass a charge ever again, I will make sure you spend every waking moment sscreaming for the resst of your sshort life. Do you undersstand me?"

"How dare you threaten one of the guard! The Princesses and the guard would-"

"The Princesssess would be angry at me, but if I actually truly ussed my power, they would back off in a heartbeat. One doess not kill gods and then be intimidated by two goddesssess that have likely not sseen combat in a millennium. You are nothing, and my wrath would be jusstified." I have no desire to get in a fight, and I opened my mouth. Shit, I'm going to have to use compulsion on the bastard. I wove a light weave of compulsion on him, then said "Tell no one of this converssation, thiss is between you and me." With that, I unwove my wards, then let go of the power. The guard was glaring at me, but left.

I then look over at one of the medical staff, and asked in a perfectly friendly tone "Are friendss of the patient allowed insside, even if they aren't poniess?"

The earth pony who I asked looked at me confused, probably wondering why he couldn't hear my conversation with that guard, then says "Yes, follow me and I'll take you to the waiting area for the osteology department. Your friend is lucky, we have one of the best hoof surgeons in Equestria in-house here at Hoofington Memorial."

"That's good to know. I would've re-broke and healed her leg myself, but sshe didn't want to do the re-breaking without pain medication." I say contemplatively.

"Wait, you would've healed her?" The medical pony asked.

"I healed all her other injuriess, why not her hoof?" I say, not thinking about the lack of active magic in non-unicorns.

"Her other injuries?" He asks.

"She had other injuriess, but HIPAA preventss me from dissclossing that information." I say with finality.

"Hip-pa?" He looks absolutely confused.

"Doctor patient confidentiality. I don't dissclose detailss of the patientss casse without their conssent or a court order."

"You're a doctor?" If the expression of confusion on his face grew anymore, I think he'd turn into the eighth Endless, Disorientation... Or would that just be an avatar off Delirium. Moot point

"I'm a lot of thingss. I'm not jusst a weird ssnake thing." Or not just a Yuan-Ti.

"Oh, okay. Lets get you to the waiting area."

"Besst Idea I've heard all day. Better than my idea to hang-glide here, but then again, no one told me that Idiot McJerkface was patrolling the skies around Hoofington. Anywayss, pleasse ignore my rambling." I mentally facepalmed, but that's what happens when I get stressed.

"Here we are sir, and they should have the operation done within a few hours."

"Good to know. I'll take a nap while I wait."


*****



Author's Notes


That was a whirlwind chapter, if I do say so myself. I admit that this is my attempt at humor writing, which I don't have a great deal of experience with... I don't have a whole lot of experience writing period, who am I kidding. Anyways, I'm going to be phasing out the snake speak, because it's frankly annoying to write. Hope you folks enjoyed reading this chapter.
> A New Home, A peaceful life?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I blink my eyes, and I see a mist around me. The mist is formless, and I take a glance at my surroundings. I take in my body, which is, and is not. I see hooves, I see hands, I see... and I see.

"Where am I?" I ask into the mist.

"You have been summoned, to be judged for your crime." A disembodied voice.

"I assume you are talking of my destruction of an entire planet, filled with life?" My voice is resigned, knowing what I've done.

"You admit your guilt? Your culpability in genocide?" The voice has become a choir, seemingly the voices of an entire world.

"I have never denied either my guilt or my culpability. I deny only that I did it by my own conscious will." My voice is dampened by the mist, barely projecting beyond my own body.

"We see. And of your other crimes? Conscious murder? Thievery? Rape? A-"

"I have never forced myself on another! I would kill myself again before I would do that! How dare you accuse me of that." My voice is rage. "Those I have knowingly killed have committed crimes themselves, and unless I've died before I can, I always have repaid what I've stolen."

"Abuse of children, and slavery." The voices conclude.

"I kill those who are slavers, and do my best to help the children around me!" I'm truly raging by this point, but a thought crosses my mind. "I have traumatized children by my actions to save them, before. For that I do feel bad, but a bruised psyche is better than a dead psyche."

"For your crimes, we have judged you, and found you guilty. We bestow on you life, until your sentence has been served." The voices have lost their cohesion. "There shall be no commutation, and no hope of parole. Bailiff, take him away."

I bend forward, and accept their judgment. I feel a tug on my arm, with an odd sound accompanying it. "Sir! Sir, please wake up."


*****


I awake, think to myself that dream again, and sit up quickly, unaware that there was something in my way. I bash my snout on what feels like a pony muzzle.

"Ow" Is our combined chorus.

I finally take in my surroundings, and note the nurse in front of me. He is a unicorn, and is currently running a hoof over the top part of his muzzle.

Glad I was able to avoid his horn, that would've hurt.

"Sorry about that." We say again

"I should've been more-" Our voices combine again.

"This is getting-" It happens again.

"What I mean to say -" I cut off the unicorn at this point with

"Squid rodeo rider with paisley go-go boots singing the macarena."

"What?" The unicorn looks at me with utmost confusion.

"Nothing, nothing. Just trying to stop the conversation deadlock. Now, what can I do to help you, Mr. ...?" I asked nicely.

"Arterial Pressure, sir. It's good to meet you. Your friend has come through the procedure, and is conscious. She is currently asking if she can see you. Something about you checking how the surgery went through?" He asks, obviously curious.

"Oh, I took care of her wounds when I first found her, just couldn't do anything about her leg at that time."

"Wounds? What wounds?"

"That's her decision on whether or not she tells anyone else. Anyways, lead on."

"Alright sir, please follow me this way." He began to trot off, entering a doorway on the left of the room.

We walked on down a hallway, taking a left at a sign that said 'Recovery Rooms' and then headed towards a doorway that said three-thirty-five on it. I take in Violet's recovery room, noting it's similarities to most hospital rooms I've ventured into during my long life. I then take in Violet.

She's on her back, her upper body and one of her rear legs covered by a blanket, her left leg suspended and in a cast. Her upper body is slightly propped up, and she's currently trying to get at the straw of a cup of water near her head. I walk up to her side, grab the cup, and bring it to where she can get at it easily.

"Thirsty?" I ask as she starts to guzzle the water greedily.

"I was, thank you." She says with a frizzy-maned smile and what sounds like a scratchy throat.

"Not a problem, Violet. What have the doctors told you?" I ask, not hearing the quiet steps behind me.

"Nothing yet." I 'jump'. Which for my current body means I raise up off the lower parts of my abdomen off the floor.

"Hello doctor." I say, keeping my composure.

He takes note of my unique form, a flash of revulsion going cross his face, which he schools back immediately. He turns to Violet. Huh, nice bit of professionalism there. I like this guy.

"You were incredibly lucky. It seems like the original fracture was a clean break, and healed evenly along those lines. But, we did an analysis of the area of the break, and it was force-healed that way."

My suspicions where correct.

"We also found an odd resonance over much of the rest of your body. It doesn't seem to be harmful, but is nothing like we've ever seen before." The doctor sounds quite perplexed, but continues on. "We've set the bone in place, and have set a spell to hasten the re-knitting of the bone. We do think you'll have to favor that hoof for some time."

"Um, doctor, I can heal her leg the rest of the way, and it won't take anything out of her." I say evenly.

"You can heal her? With what magic?" The doctor is incredulous.

"I'm responsible for healing her other wounds, and I didn't heal that hoof because she wanted to wait till we got some pain meds to re-break that pastern." With that I turn around, and ask gently "Violet, may I finish healing you?"

"Right, I'm going to refuse instant healing and be unable to work for how long? Weeks? Months? No thank you." Violet's sarcastic outburst surprises me, but I remember she's gone through a lot in a seemingly short time. Who's to say she's not buried much of her personality to cope?

"Alright, I'll get started." I grab the power, and start to weave all five elements of the driving force of the universe, fire to cleanse, water to circulate, air to comfort, earth to bind, and spirit to hold it together.

"I say, I must protest. I will not let strange magic be used on my patient, consenting or not." The doctor, who never introduced himself, protested.

"She was my patient long before you set eyes on her, and I have never harmed anyone when I've tried to heal. Where I'm from, we take an oath to 'Do no Harm' to our patients." With that, I set a seemingly fragile lace of a weave on her leg, binding the bones together perfectly.

"It's done. You do good work doctor. I didn't have to make any adjustments to what you'd done. If you don't trust my work, you can get an x-ray of it. In fact, I insist you do that." I say, letting go of the power.

"I-I-I." comes from the good doctor's mouth.

"You will? Good." With that, I finally notice the name tag on the doctor's scrubs. Dr. Clip-Clop, Orthopedic and Podiatric surgeon.

"Well, Violet, I'm going to go down to the local guard garrison for a couple hours, and then I'll be back."

"Why are you going to the garrison? You're not going to report that pegasus, are you?" she asks worriedly.

"No, I'm going to inform them about the rest of the slaves that escaped. It worries me that we didn't see any on our way here. Hopefully this city's guard detachment is actually competent." With that, I headed for the nearest exit, leaving a still stuttering surgeon and my new friend behind me.


*****
 

I exited the hospital, and began to look about for either a map of the city, a taxi, or a friendly local. The closest thing to any of those was what looked to be a green little earth pony filly standing next to her grey unicorn mother, looking at me with wide-eyed and adorable curiosity. I gave a friendly wave at the filly, who started to yammer at her mother. She looked at me askance, and I continued my wave with my friendliest smile. To my great surprise, the mare waves back at me.

Shocked that anyone was being this friendly, I decide to slither up. "Hello ma'am, if you and your adorable daughter could do me a favor, I'd be forever grateful."

The filly pips up "I'm not adorable!" in a the type of voice that just screamed precocious.

The mare and myself chuckle for a moment, and then she replies, with a slightly serious tone of voice "What kind of favor?"

I reply first to the filly "Saying you're not does not make it any less true." I then turn to the mare, and say "I'm new in town, and I'm afraid I'm more than a little lost. Could you give me directions to the local guard garrison, a money changer, and a place where I could purchase a map?"

The mare replies "We can do better than that. We were just out for a walk, and all three of those are on the way home for us. We'll walk with you, and show you where you need to go."

"Thank you so much. This is such a huge help. I'm Marty, Marty Stu." I bend forward and reach my hand to shake the hooves of my new-found acquaintances. They shake my hand, and speak up with their names.

"I'm Charcoal Briquette, and-" The gray mare is cut off by her filly.

"I'm Emerald Dream! I just got my cutie mark! First in my class too! Want to see!? Want to see!?" The hyper filly is jumping up and down with excitement.

"Okay, little one, I'll take a look." I take a look at her flank, and see a sunbeam on her hindquarters. "And what does your cutie mark mean to you, Emerald?"

"It means I shine a light of happiness into the lives of those I meet. At least, I think so." She looks at me with a slightly unsure expression.

I chuckle, and tell her "If it's not your talent, I don't know what is. You've certainly made me smile." I'm practically glowing I'm smiling so hard. Being a ta'veren does have its perks. A guide, and a filly who makes me think of my own kids.

"Shall we?" I ask kindly

"Yes, lets." With that, we set out.

"So, Charcoal, what do you do?" I ask.

"I'm a mother, isn't that enough?" She says with a smile.

"Point, children are job in and of themselves, but they are more than worth it." I say with a slightly wistful smile.

"Yes, yes they are. But to answer your question fully. I'm an artist, and I specialize in charcoal drawings." She doesn't note the look on my face. "So what do you do?"

"This and that. I'm a jack of all trades. I can do pretty much anything that needs to be done." Millennia of experience gives you more skills and knowledge than I care to think about.

"That's... That's interesting. I don't think I've ever met a pony like that before. Then, again, you're not a pony."

"I certainly hope not. I'd be the most awkward pony ever. Plus a blank flank, at my age? I'd set records."

"I'm sure you would. Here's the garrison, we'll wait for you."

"Thank you so much. I hopefully won't take too long."

With that, I walk inside.

"How can we help you today?" A bored sounding voice comes from behind a desk.

"If it's not too much trouble, could I speak to one of your officers? It's about a potential search and rescue." I say politely

"Search and rescue?!" Comes the now alert voice. "Come with me sir!" Says the voice.

I walk forward, and I see a black pegasus mare heading into the bowels of the building. I follow after, walking past many desks, the occupants who are all staring at me in my armor and sword. We come to an office that says 'Sergeant Barn' on it. The mare knocks on the door, and opens it up. "Sir, got an informant on something potentially important for you." Looking in, I see a large uniformed bull sitting behind the desk.

The bull looks up, and stares at me for a moment, then motions for me to come in.

The bull opens his mouth, and spouts out "First, what is this so-called information, and second, what in the name of Tartarus are you?!"

"Sir, in answer to the second, I only know that I'm some sort of snake-man thing, and in answer to the first, that may take a moment." I breathe, then start my explanation. "Yesterday, at about midday, a group of twenty diamond dogs marched up to my campsite near a bridge that crosses the stream that feeds into the Hoofington lake. They were leading a group of thirty ponies in chains. Coming upon my camp, I questioned the leader of their group about their intentions with their prisoners. They admitted that they were slavers, and that's when I lost control."

"You lost control?" Sergeant Barn and the pegasus mare ask simultaneously.

"I have a particular hatred for slavers, and I slaughtered the diamond dog contingent completely. I then proceeded to free the slaves, who ran off except for one who was injured. She is currently in the hospital, and I have no clue what happened to the others."

"So you're saying that twenty-nine ponies are wandering around near my city, who may or may not need medical attention?"

"Correct."

The bull sighs, then says "Thank you. Glad to know at least someone cares. Maybe this will close a few of our missing pony files." The bull grouses under his breathe, which I happen to catch. "But nobody cares about us cows."

"Having troubles with cows going missing, Sergeant?" I ask, curious.

"Cows and ponies both... I never did catch your name."

"Call me Marty."

"Then call me Barn. I'm grateful for the help, and any more information you can give me would be much appreciated."

"If I get any, I'll be sure to send it on. I have no clue where I'm going to end up, but I'm sure I can help out with any leads." With that, I turn to leave, until Barn calls me back.

"Oh, before you go, and I'm sorry to do this to someone who's done their civic duty and more, but I'm going to need to peace-bind your blade. Civic policy on weapons owned by those who aren't members of the guard." He says with an apologetic shrug of his shoulders.

"That's completely understandable. How long will it take?"

"Less than two minutes." The bull steps out of his office, then yells out "Clem I need a peace-binding done, and stat."

A uniformed orange unicorn comes by with a wire floating in a yellow aura. "If you could just hand me your sword, I'll have this done in a moment."

I hand him my saber, and quick as a flash, my sword is now legal. "That should keep you out of any trouble with any of the beat constables." 

"Thank you, and I'll be on my way now." And with that, I exit the building, and meet back up with Charcoal and her filly.

"That didn't take too long at all, now did it?" I ask.

"You took fore-e-ever." Emerald whined at me. "I thought you'd never get done."

I chuckled at this, and looked at Charcoal. "Ah, the impatience of youth, eh?"

"You did take a while, but not enough for that performance." She agrees.

"Shall we head to the money changer now? I really need to change over to bits. Very few shops accept gold shavings, at least in my experience."

"Gold shavings? You carry gold around with you?" Charcoal looks at me, incredulous.

"Yes, I travel a lot, and gold bullion is almost universally accepted as being valuable. Carrying around a few kilos of gold instead of who knows how many different currencies makes a lot of sense in my book."

"I guess that makes sense. Why change it now, though? I thought you said you traveled a lot."

"I'm probably going to stay in Equestria for a decent amount of time, so changing some of my gold into bits makes perfect sense." I state rationally.

"Ah."

We walked in comparative silence, the local populace giving the three of us odd looks. Charcoal looked rather uncomfortable with the attention, whereas Emerald is singing a nonsensical song about a cart made out of bananas.

"Banana Cart! Banana Cart! How do you move?
Banana Cart! Banana Cart! Magic you must prove.
Banana Cart! Banana Cart! How do you not spoil?
Banana Cart! Banana Cart! Is it because your peels we boil?

This continued on for several stanzas. The lass is impressively good at rhyming, but this song is getting old.

"And here we are at the money changer." Charcoal finally says.

"I'll be right out, shouldn't take too long." I replied. With that, I slithered into a fairly ornate looking bank. I slithered up to the tellers window, and ask the slightly frightened looking stallion politely "Could I get some bullion turned into bits please?

"Yes sir, how much are you looking to get changed?" The fear in his eyes changes into a look of service immediately.

"I'm going to trade out two kilos of gold for as many bits as I can." Glad I had that third bar in my pack. This should keep me in cash for a good long while unless the bit is worth a lot more here than I remember it being.

"I'm not familiar with that unit of measurement, but I can figure out what it's worth in a jiffy." With that, the banker came by with a set of scales and a ruler.

The banker mumbled to himself, moving the tape measure about and fiddled with the scale, then doing some writing in a ledger, of what looked to be density equations. "Alright sir, you look to have just over four point four pounds of twenty-four carat gold here. That will net you seven-thousand bits after our fee for doing this for you."

"And how much is this fee?" I asked, curious.

"One hundred bits even. A more than fair fee for what you got." The stallion said confidently.

"It sounds fair indeed." With that, the stallion collected the sum of bits for me, then hoofed them over.

"Thank you for your assistance sir, and I hope you have a great day." I said as I walked out the door.

"It was no problem, sir. And please return if you have any further needs for coinage." The unicorn said with polite enthusiasm.

"Oh I will. Auf Wiedersehen." I called out.

I heard a muffled "what?"  as the door closed behind me.

"And now on to the cartographer's shop!" I said with obvious enthusiasm.

"Yay, we might get to see Daddy!" Emerald yells out with glee. "I wonder how he did today?"

"I'm sure your father did very well in sales, Emerald." Charcoal says with guarded assurance.

"Considering I'm going to be buying several maps, he should do very well today." I said with a smile.

We continued on in silence for several blocks, until we come upon a shop with what looks to be an old style treasure map out front. "Welcome to the 'Marked Path', hopefully having all your mapping needs." Charcoal said with what sounded like a practiced speech. We walked inside the store, and I watched as Emerald scurried over to a surprised looking tan earth pony, who had a pen on a map as a cutie mark.

"Daddy! Mommy and me found 'dis new friend up by the hospital. He looks so weird! But he's really really nice!" She took in a large breathe, and then started her monologue again. "We saw lots of ponies too! I saw pegasi, unicorns, this one earth pony I think was a cow, a cow, a gryphon, and what looked to be geeses!" The stallion has a bemused expression on his face, listening to his daughter chatter on.

Charcoal spoke up "Dearest, this is Marty Stu. We've been his guides this afternoon. He's looking to buy a map."

The earth pony looked me up and down, then smiled and said "Hi there, Marty Stu, I'm Gunter Wheel, and what kind of map can I get for you today?"

I look at Gunter, and blink at his name. Gunter? That's a rare pony name. Wait, map making, Gunter? Surveying tools, of course. "I need a general map of the world, doesn't have to be particularly detailed, a decently detailed map of Equestria, and maps of Canterlot, Hoofington, and Manehatten." I look at Gunter expectantly.

"Um, we have something that could be called a map of the world, but it's extremely undetailed. We don't know much about the lands beyond our borders." Gunter smiles sheepishly "We're rather unadventurous, unfortunately. I do have contracts with several different explorers, who send me basic maps and descriptions of areas they visit. I even have some correspondence with Daring Do!" He says, with a little more enthusiasm.

I blink again at this. So Daring Do is a real pony in this reality. Interesting. "What you have is fine, then." With that, we started to gather up several different maps, each one a piece of art. She's only a mom, huh? I'll bet at least ninety percent of these maps Charcoal makes.

"Alright, for these five maps, I think five-hundred bits should cover it nicely." He looks at me expectantly.

"Hmm, these are good maps, but your world map being essentially of a continent brings the value of that one down sharply. three-hundred and fifty." I shoot back.

"I agree on that one, but the map of Equestria has all the little towns on it, and the three city maps have a few marks on them showing good eateries and other shops." He lobs back.

"I'm a carnivore. Pony food, unfortunately, doesn't exactly work for me. Four-hundred." I smile at him at this.

Looking slightly disturbed at my statement of being a carnivore, he nods his head. "Four-hundred bits even it is."

With that, I reach into my back and start counting out the necessary bits. "...three-ninety-eight, three-ninety-nine, four-hundred. It's been a pleasure doing business with you." With that, I turn to Charcoal. "Could I get your address, so that I could write to you folks? If there is one thing life has taught me, friendships live on conversation, and what is a letter than a long distance conversation?"

Charcoal looks at me, somewhat dumbfounded. "I guess that makes sense. Here, I'll go write it down for you." With that, she floats over a quill, some ink, a piece of parchment, and some sand. "212 Industrial Park, Hoofington, Equestria." She says as she writes it out. She then splashes a little sand on the parchment, then hoofs it over to me.

"Thank you Charcoal, and thank you too, Emerald. I'll be sure to write once I figure out where I'm going to be living." I turn to head towards the door, when I feel a small presence against my lower body. I see little Emerald hugging my tail.

"Bye bye Marty! I'll miss you!" She says with a pout.

"I'll miss you too, little adorable one." I bend over and return the hug, gently.

"I'm not adorable!" She cries out.

We adults chuckle lightly, and then I head out the door.  "Tschüss!" I call behind me. I hear a "what?" from both Emerald and Charcoal, but Gunter surprises me.

"Bis bald!" He yells to me.

I smile, and begin to slither towards the hospital. Hopefully they're done x raying her leg. I'd like to keep her from having to sleep inside a hospital. I've yet to be in an actually restful hospital. I walked in silence, and pointedly ignored the looks the ponies gave me. One bitch of a unicorn mare said something like "How revolting, how dare they let something in this city like that." 

I couldn't let that stand unanswered. "Awww, it thinks it's people. How precious." I continue slithering onward, listening to the sputters of rage from the unicorn.


*****


I finally reach the hospital, and run into Violet at the front waiting room. "Hey Vi, I'm back."

She looked at me for a moment, then shrugs her shoulders. "How'd it go?"

"The local guard will be on the lookout for the others from your group, and I now have money and maps." I said with a smile.

"I'm glad. They kept us from talking with each other, but I did make a couple of friends, more or less. I'd hate it if they got free but ended up dead or worse." She said with some hope on her face.

"So where to for now? I don't have anything I need to do, nor any obligations. You?"

Violet looks at me, and said "I really, really, want to go home. I want to see my house in Coltogne again, the little brook that runs past it. I want to see the annoying but sweet neighbor's filly. I want to hear the local school bell. I... I want." She says with what looks to be tears in her eyes.

I bend down, look her in the face, and told her. "I understand perfectly. I'll buy you a train ticket to Coltogne tomorrow. If you'll have me, I'll buy two." I told her kindly."

Violet straight out started crying. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou." She raps her hooves about me in a hug. "I really, really, really want you to come along. If nothing else, you can earn your keep digging. We seem to always have a need for that."

I smiled at her gently. "That sounds like it could work."

With that, we left the hospital and went looking for a decent inn.


*****


The sun is finally setting, just as Violet and I had gotten our rooms. "Violet, do you want to try and find somewhere both you and I can eat in the city, or just use the horn?"

Violet takes a look at me, then sighs. "I doubt they have anywhere you could get food, and frankly, I'm too tired to go traipsing around. Let's just use the horn, then call it an evening. I pull out the horn, and then I pull out my orb of memory. I blow into the horn, and then turn to Violet, who was getting seated at the table. "Violet, I know you're a violinist, but what's your favorite type of music?"

She looks at me, confused, and then replies. "I like most types of music, but I like playing as much as listening."

"Well, I have a group who you'll probably like." With that, I set the orb to play some music.

She sits there eating for a minute, and then said "I like it. It's not my favorite, but it's definitely enjoyable. I do like how you don't have the whitenoise that our record players have."

With that, we continued to eat, with my occassional changing of the music to different pieces that emphasized instrumentals, but no symphonies.

"Thank you for the meal Marty. It was absolutely delicious. Also, thank you for sharing your taste in music." She gets up from the table and stretches. "I'm going to go to my room and sleep. I'll see you in the morning." With that, she left the room.

"Good night, Violet. Schlaefst sehr gut!" I take off my armor, and then curl up in the bed.


*****


A few hours later.

I'm awoken from a rather unpleasant dream by someone knocking on my door. I unlocked the door, and saw Violet on the other side, She looked like she'd been crying.

"Can I please, please, please, sleep with you? I had the same nightmare as last night." She said with a pitiful look on her face.

"I can't say no too that face. Come on in. I'll massage your head till you fall asleep again." I say with a smile on my face. "I don't mind having you sleep with me. My dreams tend to be better when I'm sleeping next to someone anyways."

She smiles, and then climbs into the bed. I slither around to the other side, then gently wrap my tail around her, cuddling up against her. "Goodnight Violet."

"Goodnight Marty." The both of us quickly drift off, me massaging and stroking her mane.


*****


We woke up the next day, and quickly ate a horn breakfast.

"To the train station!" I said while striking a pose.

Violet started laughing. "To the train station!" She says, striking a simmilarly silly pose.

We walked in silence to the train station, arriving during mid-morning. "Two tickets for Coltogne, please." I said pleasantly.

The pegasus mare behind the counter nervously gets the tickets ready, then told me "Fifty bits, please."

I forked over the amount of bits, then we waited for the train that would take Violet and I to her home.
> Of Trainsss and Jobhunting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Having bought our tickets, Violet and I sat around, waiting for our train, that was to leave at half-past ten. "So Violet, tell me about Coltogne, if you would." I said, after a moment.

She looked up at me, and took on a look of concentration. "It's a nice little village. They mostly make various perfumes and colognes for the high class ponies of Canterlot and the other larger cities. Assuming that the Pots haven't had their foal yet, we have about four-hundred ponies and one old minotaur in town."

"Huh, a minotaur. I've not met many minotaurs who live in Equestria."

"I've not met any snake-creatures in Equestria before you, Marty."

"Touche." At this, Violet giggled.

"Yes, Steel Link is our village blacksmith, but the poor dear is getting on in years, and I don't know how long he's going to continue working his forge. Nopony seems to be interested in taking up his job, and all his apprentices left for other towns long ago. But that's irrelevant for the moment." She stated with a smile.

If nothing else, I could get a job assisting him in his smithy. Small towns always seem to need more smiths than they have. "True. Anything else interesting about Coltogne?" I replied, and returned with a smile.

"Not really all that much. We don't have that many farm ponies, so we aren't quite self-sufficient in terms of food, so fresh food can be... a little expensive." She said with a slightly sheepish smile.

"Not that that is something we really need to worry about, now is it?" as I booped her nose while stating that.

Violet rears back, startled. "Why did you boop my nose? And no, no it isn't."

"Because I get reactions like that." I said with a mischievous grin.

"You are so weird." She said with a shake of her head.

"I know, but you know you like it."

"I suppose."


*****


"All aboard for the Canterlot Line!" came over the station loudspeaker.

"That's us, Marty!" Violet said with a little excitement.

"Alright Violet, lead on." her excitement was infectious.

We walked to the train, which was a not-so-surprising collection of pastel colors. It never changes from universe to universe. Everything they have is always colorful.

"Tickets please, get your tickets marked here!" The ticket-masters cried out. Violet and I walked up to one, handed our tickets over to get marked, and had them returned with a minimum of fuss and scared looks.

"That was surprisingly easy." I stated as we found our seats.

"That's probably because I'm with you." Violet said with a smirk.

"That would not surprise me if that was the case." I replied, completely serious.

The conversation died for a bit, while we waited for all the passengers to finish loading onto the train. As the looks of fear and whatnot began to get more and more, I looked over at Violet, and decided to ask a question. "Hey Violet, if I make myself look like a pony, do you think folks will freak out by the sudden change?"

"Maybe, but if you're surreptitious enough, probably not. Though, if you can make yourself look like a pony, why haven't you before now?" Violet asked with a confused expression on her face.

"It's an illusion, rather than a physical change. And changing my appearance like that means that it's easy to disrupt. My tail would stick out awkwardly, and I'm quite tall for a believable pony. But with me sitting still like this, I don't have a lot of variables to overcome."

"Could you repeat that, in plain Equestrian?" She asked with a look of confusion.

"If I sit still I can look like a pony with no problems. Lots of movement makes the illusion break down." I replied, slightly annoyed.

"Oh. That makes sense." Her voice was lightly subdued, and her ears fell just slightly. "Can I see what you look like as a pony?" Her voice brightened.

"Sure, do you want to see me as a unicorn, or a pegasus? I don't think the time I looked like an alicorn would go over too well here."

"You looked... right, multiple universes. Keep on forgetting about that. Um, I think a unicorn would go over better."

"Unicorn it is." With that, I cleared my mind of all emotion, then began to weave about myself, after I tucked my tail up around my upper body. A dark green horn appeared above my head, and the rest of my body took on the look of a fit unicorn stallion. My hair took on a slightly darker cast, then appeared to grow from my neck, and then a pony tail seemed to appear. A whirlpool appeared on my 'flank' after which I tied off the weaves.

"How do I look?" I say, flicking out my tongue absentmindedly after letting go of the source.

"Except for the snake-tongue thing, you look like a handsome unicorn. What does that cutie mark mean?" She asked, curious.

"It's one of my talents. I can see a special type of sapient known as a ta'veren, which means a lot of things. I'm a ta'veren myself, and I seem to be drawn to others like me. Six ponies in your world are always ta'veren, no matter how different the Equestria."

"The elements?" She asked, eyes full of curiosity.

"You guessed it." Though it would've been nice if more than the current elements where always ta'veren. That would've made my life a lot easier in the wasteland. I'm interrupted from my thoughts by her next question.

"So what exactly is a ta'veren? I've never even heard that word before, let alone know what it means." She said with an air of curiosity.

"To understand what a ta'veren is, you have to understand a bit about the fabric of space-time. Imagine, if you will, that time and space is one gigantic tapestry, that a gigantic wheel of loom is continuously weaving. All life are threads being spun out by that wheel. Each universe has their own wheel, and each tapestry is different. With me so far?"

"I'm a thread in a tapestry, and all of everything is also part of that tapestry." She said with a look of information overload.

"Correct. Now then, a ta'veren is a special thread. They are in some form or fashion important to that particular tapestry. They might correct flaws, right wrongs, or enact social change. They also might cause genocide, oppress an entire people, or change things for the worse. It just depends on the individual and the universe they're a part of. These individuals also seem to have a greater than ordinary amount of luck. And by that I mean both good luck and bad luck. They also will effect change on those around them. Still with me?"

"You cause change, and have a greater amount of luck than I do, I think. So ta'veren are essentially bringers of balance?" She asked.

I looked at her for a moment, and then replied. "You hit it exactly on the head. I haven't met that many individuals who have made that connection. I'm impressed."

"You don't have to be condescending about it." She looked at me with what looked to be some anger.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I was being completely serious there. I'm genuinely impressed you made that connection that quickly. I've explained this to philosophers and scholars before who never did quite understand it." I said, trying to calm her down.

"Alright, I believe you. I'm just used to a few ponies mocking me in school, calling me brilliant when I would ask the teacher questions." She said, sounding somewhat depressed.

"Well that was stupid of them. How else can someone learn, if they don't ask questions? I'm not going to say there are no stupid questions, but questioning is how species advance beyond what they currently know." I leaned over and gave her a hug.

She leaned into me, and said "Thank you, Marty." and closed her eyes. We fell both fell asleep, the vibrations and the noise from our fellow passengers making a nice lullaby.


*****


"Tickets please, can we please see your tickets." Came the call at our stop in Canterlot.

"Here you go, sir. Our tickets." I quickly channeled them over to the conductor, to keep up the ruse of my being a unicorn. Two to Coltogne."

"Those look to be in order. Staying on this train will take you straight there. You folks have a good day." The conductor moves on to the next set of seats.


*****


About an hour before we reached Coltogne, Violet woke up from her semi-snooze. She reached over, and elbowed me in the ribs, then pointed out the window.

"Marty, we're nearly there. We're nearly home!" She said with glee.

"I'm glad Violet. There is nothing quite like coming home." I smiled at her as I said that.

As the train chugged along, I noticed that the sun was beginning to set. "I think that we'll arrive shortly before dusk, what do you think?"

Violet looked up, then back to me. "Probably. Oh well, I really didn't want to run into that many ponies today, anyways. Plus, less stress on explaining who and what you are."

"Well that's easily explained. I'm your friend, and some sort of snake creature. Easy." I gave her a smirk, and then returned to watching the scenery.

"I guess that works. But we've got to come up with a better name for what you are than snake creature. What's something else we could call you." She put a hoof to her muzzle, perplexed.

"I resemble a species in several ways known as yuan-ti, which are a species that has both human and snake characteristics. I resemble a yuan-ti halfblood, specifically. We could always go with that as an explanation."

"That works."

We sat in silence, enjoying the scenery passing us by from the train window as we approached the small town. It resembled a small Bavarian village that I had seen as a boy for the most part, with a few odd houses built in a more modern style. "I feel like I should see somebody dressed in lederhosen or something similar." I remarked to my companion.

"Lederhosen?" Violet looked at me, confused.

"A traditional outfit from a place known as Bavaria, from my home world. I might draw you a sketch of it later on."

"Oh, okay."

The train finally pulled into the station, and I decided to drop my illusion weave, not wanting to freak anyone out with the weird cross of pony and snake walking out of the train.

"You decided to change. I thought you looked cute as a unicorn." Violet pouted at me

"I probably did, but a snake tail trailing from the undercarriage would've looked decidedly strange."

"True, true, but I still wish you looked like that."

"I wouldn't have minded too much myself. Getting rid of the strange looks would be quite nice."

"As old as you are, you're still affected by people giving you strange looks? You'd think you would've stopped being affected by it long ago."

"You might think so, but you'd be wrong. Quite wrong."

Violet looked up at me with a slightly sad look. "Sorry."

"It's okay. It's something I've dealt with before, and I'll probably deal with it again. It still gets to me, every now and again. I normally just react with a well-placed insult or something."

"That's probably not healthy, but everypony has their coping method."

"True, true. Shall we go to your house?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Please. I want to sleep in my own bed tonight."

We 'walked' in silence to her home, which was surprisingly kept up. "Was someone house-sitting for you while you were gone?" I asked with some confusion.

"Not to my knowledge, but my brother might have decided to take care of it in my absence." She smiled. "He's the village gardener, and specializes in orchids."

"That's probably what happened. Do you have a key hidden anywhere so that we can get in? Or do you not bother locking your doors in a community this small?" I asked, curious.

"Yes, and while theft isn't that big of a problem, we do occasionally get ne'er do wells from Canterlot and other cities passing through who we wouldn't want to tempt them."

"That makes sense. Well, lead on my fair mare." I did my best Groucho Marx eyebrow raise, but the effect is completely lost on Violet. Note to self, introduce Equestria to vaudeville.

Violet reached behind a loose stone, and pulled out a brass key. "Found it. Wild has definitely been taking care of my house. He's the only other pony who knows about that hiding place, and the only other key was mine, and it's lost in a diamond dog den." She shuddered at that last thought, then opened up the door. "Here we are, Casa del Violet. Feel free to make yourself at home."

I 'walked' about the home, taking in the various sites and pieces of architecture. Vases and pictures where everywhere, though the vases where empty. This home truly did have a womanly touch, but it was comforting touch. I found a lovely guest room, a lavatory with bath/shower and toilet that had running water, and an extremely nice master bedroom. A nice study, that had three violins in it. The bows where all strung with an odd purple hair that was also white. What are these strung with? I know that violin bows are all traditionally strung with horse tail hair back on Terra, but what does she use to get this purple color.

Violet walked in behind me, and asked "What do you think of my home?"

I turned around, and looked at her. "Your home is lovely. But I have one question, what do you hair your bows with?"

"Oh, I hair them with my own tail hair. The lighter shade of purple is from the rosin I put on them."

I facepalmed. "Of course. I didn't know you could luthier."

"I can only luthier to an extent. I can't make my own instruments, only do basic maintenance and such."

"That's still really impressive. I seem to remember hooves not being the most delicate of tools to work with, and wooden instruments are notoriously fragile, and the bows even more."

"That's true, but if you have enough practice and patience anything is possible. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm starving. Do you mind too much getting out your horn? I don't think any of the local restaurants are still open, and I'm ninety-nine percent positive they don't have any meat."

"No, that's fine, lets get into your kitchen area first though, don't want to make a mess near your instruments."

"That works, lets go eat."


*****


"That was delicious, as usual." Violet said to me.

"Yes it was." I looked outside, and noted that it was dark out. "I don't know about you, but I'm tired, despite all the sleeping we did on the train. Shall we go to bed?"

Violet looked at me, like she was going to say no, but yawned instead. "I think you may have a point. Lets go to bed."

I slithered into the guest room, while she walked into her room. "Good night, Violet."

"Good night, Marty. Sleep well." She said with a smile.

"I'll try."


*****


I stood on four green hooves, walking away from a gateway that overlooked a savannah plain. I know this place. I know where I am, and more importantly, when. The majestic city of Manehattan stood before me, a gorgeously clear day. I started to run into the city, trying to warn any and all who would listen.

"The zebras are going to attack! They're going to drop balefire megaspells! Get to the stables, get out of the city, for the love of Celestia, get away from here!" The ponies all blithely ignore me, not a care in the world. A couple of foals dance about laughing. "Please! Get out of here!" I'm begging and crying. 

The ponies continue to ignore me, up until a large explosion triggers from one of the buildings, engulfing several pink balloons, then spreading outward. "Stay with me! I'll protect some of you, at the very least!" I yell at the now panicking ponies. None of them pay me any mind.

I look over, and see the group of foals no longer dancing, but standing there, frozen. I channel my most powerful shield, and place it over them and myself. The shield only worked for me. The foals are now just four spots of ash as green fire blasts outward. The air under my shield begins to give out, but I don't care, I just sit there, and cry over the now dead foals.

Something begins to shake me. The ground? No, it's just being burnt by the balefire, it isn't moving. I continue to shake, and the dreamworld disappears.

"Marty! Marty! Marty!" Violet yells at me, my snake-eyes opening up. "You were yelling. Are you okay?"

"Not really, but thank you for getting me out of that dream. The variations on that place are awful." I said while shuddering.

"Care to talk about it?" She asked, concerned.

"I really don't want to tell you about it. It's a horrible dream that more or less changes a horrible memory to an even worse case." I was still shuddering, but was beginning to calm down.

"I'm sorry Marty. I guess you weren't kidding when you said you had bad dreams." She looked thoughtful for a bit. "You said that sleeping next to someone helped with the nightmares?"

"They make them tolerable, rather than ruinous. My other options really aren't all that desirable. I can either get stone drunk, or spend the night in the world of dreams, or Tel'aran'rhiod. I don't want to do that, because it isn't particularly restful."

"What about potions that make you sleep dreamlessly?"

"They sometimes work, but all too often they don't."

"I don't keep alcohol in the house, but it wouldn't hurt to have you sleep next to me. Besides, it's a large bed, plenty of room to share." She and I both smiled at this, as she led the way to her bedroom.

"Thank you Violet."

"It's no problem Marty. No, seriously, if it keeps you from yelling it's not a problem at all."

"Well then, so you're not being completely selfless." I stuck my tongue out at her, which didn't phase her at all.

"Are you trying to taste the air, or are you trying to be childish?" She said coquettishly

"Must they be mutually exclusive?" I said with a smirk.

"No, no they mustn't. Now come to bed."

"Yes ma'am."

"Oh hush, you." At this, we both started to laugh, then got into bed, and fell asleep nice and quickly.


*****


We woke up the next morning fairly early, and got out of bed. I stoked the fire that heated the hot water heater, then channeled a thread of fire into it to give a jump start.

"Test the water, Violet! It should be decently warm!" I yelled up to her.

"Okay, Marty!" She got into the tub/shower and turned the water on, from what I could hear. "The water's great! I'll try and be quick about it!" She yelled back to me.

I waited for about fifteen minutes, when she called out to me. "Shower's ready! Go on in."

"Thanks Violet." I slithered into her bathroom, as she walked past with her mane up in a towel.

"Looking good Vi." I said with a laugh.

"Oh hush, you." She said with an annoyed smile.

"K, hon." I got into the shower, which was an odd exercise with snake coils. I was able to bath fairly quickly, the hair on my head the thing that ended up taking the longest. After about seven minutes, I stepped out of the shower, then headed into the kitchen to get breakfast. To my surprise, she had already used the horn.

"Hey Marty, hope you don't mind that I used this to get breakfast ready for us."

"No, no I don't mind at all." I looked over my food, delighted by what I saw. "Mmmm, bacon!" I said excitedly.

Violet shook her head at me, then went back to eating her omelet.

We ate quickly, then decided what we would do for the day. "I'm going to go job-hunting and also get some clothes. While my armor looks nice, it's also extremely intimidating looking, and I don't want to intimidate the good folks around here."

"That makes sense, but why don't you just go nude? Most of us walk about nude all the time."

"Habit, and I feel less vulnerable clothed."

"I guess I can see that. The town seamstress should be able to do most anything you'd look for. Her name is Silvered Needle, and her shop has a sign that shows a needle and thread out front."

"Thank you, and I saw the town hall when we came in last night. They should have a help wanted board somewhere on there."

"There is, but why are you looking for a job so quickly? Don't you have plenty of bits and if you keep giving us food via horn I'm not about to charge you rent if you do even a modicum of cleaning up after yourself."

"It's for something to do as much as anything else. I don't want to just sit about doing nothing, and I'm not going to try and muscle in on your territory by becoming a professional violinist. Though I'm not good enough to even think about trying."

"You play?" She looked at me, incredulous.

"Yup, just out of practice. Didn't get a chance to get my hands on a violin in the last universe I lived in."

"Cool, I'll lend you one of my violins to practice with... I mean, if you want to."

"Thank you, I'll keep that in mind. In the meantime, I'm going to go find a job."

"I think I'll come with you, just to show the mayor and other bureaucrats that I'm back."

"That makes sense."

We chatted amicably as we walked to the town hall, where I did in fact find a notice board. A nice big post on there made me grin. 'Blacksmith Wanted, preferably journeyman or better. Inquire at the forge.'

"Violet, I'm going to head over to the forge. I think I can get a job there."

"Alright Marty. I'll see you sometime back at the house. Good luck!"

"Thanks Vi!" I then slithered over to where I could see a forge.

As I slithered up, I could see a strong but old minotaur pounding a piece of iron into a chain link. "Hello there!"

"Eh, what was that sonny? I couldn't quite hear you."

"I said hello. I'm interested in the blacksmith position." I say, somewhat louder.

"You're interested in the positions you say. Do you even know how to smith?"

"I made the armor I'm wearing, and the sword I have back at the house I'm staying at. I'd say I know how to smith."

He puts down his hammer, and sets the chain off to the side for a moment. He looks at my armor, noting the seams, pins and joints that make it up. "That's mighty impressive work there sonny. I don't recognize the material the pins and plate are made out of though. What is it?"

"The plate is specially treated iron, making it incredibly resilient." Well, invulnerable is incredibly resilient, isn't it? "The pins are also specially treated, but it's actually an alloy of iron, carbon and titanium." And the power, but that's neither here nor there. "My sword is made of the same alloy."

"You say you made all that, but seeing is believing. I want to see what you can do. Impress me."

"I can do that." I take a look around his forge, and note three barrels filled with liquid. I reach down and taste each one, finding one to be straight water, a second to be salted water, and the third to be oil. I take three pieces of bar stock, reasoning that if nothing else I have the money to replace them if I screw up.

I start by fashioning two long handles that morphed into flat planes. I then shaped both of the planes so that they would fit together with one above and one below. I then began pounding out three smaller planes, one was just a small rectangle, whereas the other two where triangles that extended from half-moons. The minotaur had his hand under his muzzle, watching me work. I began to narrow the flat side of the half-moons, creating an edge along the flat of the half-moon area. I then began to bore out holes in each of the pieces of metal.

I finished my bores, then began quenching each of the pieces. The edge got quenched in the salt water, whereas the rest of the pieces where merely placed in the water bath. Once I was certain they where completely quenched, I did a bit of polishing and sharpening of the various parts, then began to place bolts into the holes, finishing my creation.

"I can tell that it's well made, but what is it?" The minotaur asked me.

"It's a bolt cutter. It gives a mechanical advantage that allows the wielder to get through weaker pieces of steel and iron. Your chain made me think of it, as that's what a bolt cutter is used for, to cut through things like chains."

"Ah. You definitely get the job. I know quality work when I see it." The minotaur finally took all of me in, then looked at me queerly.

"Just what are you? I've never seen a creature like you before." He said with a curious expression on his face.

"I'm a yuan-ti. I've never seen another of my species in Equestria before, so I'm not surprised you've not seen another of me." I said dryly.

"Anyways, I'll show up again tomorrow to work. I need to go get some clothing that isn't armor. I will see you later."

"Tell me your name, first. I'm Steel Link."

"Marty Stu." We shook hands, and then I slithered off.

I found the seamstress's shop fairly easily, which had an open sign out front, written in fraktur. Hoo boy, I hope not everyone uses that font, else that's going to get annoying really quick. I slithered in, which caused a bell to tinkle.

"Welcome to 'The Needle and Thread' where we fulfill all your garment neeeeds yah!" A blue on blue unicorn mare jumped back in fright at the sight of me.

I sighed and looked at her. "I'm not going to hurt you ma'am, I just need a few clothes made, if you would be so kind."

Regaining her composure quickly, she looks up at me sheepishly. "Sorry about that sir, what can I do for you today?"

"I need three shirts, and two kilts with pockets made. They are only going to be non-formal wear, so I need them to be comfortable. Also, do you have anything for making a blacksmith apron out of? I'm going to be working the forge for a good while, so a good apron is a must."

"I can do all of those, I just need to get your measurements, though I'm curious, how long do you want the shirt to be, and how do you want the kilt to fall?"

"I want the shirt to come to here, and I want the kilt to cover from here to here." I gestured to various points on my torso and upper tail.

"Alright, hold still while I take your measurements." She levitated her measuring tape around the various points of my body to collect my measurements, then wrote them down. "I should have at least one shirt and kilt made up by this evening. Where are you staying, and I'll drop them off."

"I'm staying with Violet Melody at this point." I state neutrally.

"Violet's back?! Really?! We'd almost given up hope that she was ever coming back. Her brother has been keeping up her house, but he seemed to about have given up hope. Oh this is such good news!" She crowed with happiness.

"Yup, she's back, and hopefully better than ever." I don't say anything more, and let the mare work.

"So, now we come to the best part, the cost. Does ninety bits for the entire ensemble seem fair to you?"

"It sounds fine to me, Miss Needle." I reach into my bag to get the required number of bits out.

"How do you know my name? I never told it to you." She looked at me skeptically.

"Oh, Violet told me this morning when I asked her about clothes. Also, I'm Marty Stu, pleased to meet you." I reached down and shook her hoof.

"The pleasure is all mine. Anyways, I'll see you this evening."

"Alright, see you later, Miss Needle." With that, I slithered out of her shop, and headed back towards Violet's house. I waved to the various ponies I spotted along the way, most of which gave surprised waves back, though a few shot me disgusted looks.

I got to her house, and I saw an earth pony stallion just walking out of her house when he spotted me.

"Are you Marty Stu?" He asked with an air of desperation just below the surface.

"Yes, yes I am." I said back to him, confused.

He rushed up to me, hugged me, and started to cry. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou so much for bringing her back to me. She's my baby sister, and the only family I have left. I thought she was dead." He sobbed into my armor, while I awkwardly returned the hug.

Violet stepped out of the house, the remnants of tears in her eyes as well, and she came over and joined in on the hug. "I won't leave you alone like this ever again if I have any say in the matter, big brother." I include her in the hug, and just let the awkwardly wonderful reunion soak in.


*****



Author's Notes


I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter out to you folks. I had a hard time getting into my writing mode, and my job had screwy hours to boot for a while, doubly making it hard to write. I also apologize for the various infodumps throughout the fic. Those can get wearing quickly, I know.

Please comment and criticize. How else can I learn what I did wrong and what I did right. Feedback is what we author's live for.
> Sssettling In
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	We all went inside to talk, and to keep the reunion a little more private. A lot of crying, a bit of laughter, and a lot of hugging followed.

“So... Wild. Are you hungry?” I asked after a while.

He looked over at me, then replied. “Yes, Marty. I’m starving in fact. The tavern has very nice hay fries.”

I slightly shuddered. “That sounds like a lovely idea. What do you think, Violet?”

Violet missed my shudder, and said. “Sure. That sounds like a lovely idea.”

I guess I’ll just wait until later and use the horn when we return. Maybe they’ll have some decent ale at the tavern.

They walked on ahead, I slithered behind them, dreading the coming ‘meal.’ Those things are barely decent as a pony, let alone as any other species.

We reached the tavern soon enough. Typical Bavarian architecture, along with a mug on the signboard out front of the establishment. I’m liking my chances for a decent brew even more. I know where a decent amount of what I make is going if I’m correct.

We ‘stepped’ inside and took a seat. A mare that looked to be a waitress approached our table.

“Welcome. I’m Brewers Yeast, and I’ll be taking care of you this evening. What’ll you fiiine folks be -gulp- having.” She obviously noticed me, her eyes going wide.

Wild and Violet looked over at her, and replied. “Two orders of hay fries, and two waters.”

I smiled up at her as disarmingly as I could, and asked “What brews do you serve in this fine establishment?”

Having gotten over her discomfort, she answered “We have the house ale, a pilsner, and two varieties of stouts. One is local, and the other is imported.” Looking around, she leaned in close and said “Just between you and me, the local stout is awful, and the pilsner is basically water. The imported stout is a little bit more expensive, but it’s good, and so’s the house ale.”

Somewhat hungry, I decided for something a little more filling. “I’ll have the imported stout then, nothing else.”

Wild looked at me, curious. “Aren’t you hungry? You asked me about dinner.”

I nodded. “I am, but I was planning on having dinner in. Ponies... in my experience, don’t like my dining habits.”

Wild looked at me, and then to Violet in confusion. “He eats meat, brother, and can only eat meat.” She finally answered, quietly.

“You eat meat?” He asked, a little louder than I would’ve liked.

“Yes, and I think only meat beyond little morsels of other food.” I replied, evenly.

“Wait, you think? How can you not know what you should eat, you’re an adult?” He said, again louder than I would’ve liked.

“Look, I’ll explain later. Lets just enjoy the food and company for now.” I said with some finality. “Or beer, in my case.”

“Marty, don’t overindulge, please. I know you said it helps with your nightmares, but you said you have no clue how you act while drunk, and you’re a little heavy to drag home.” Violet stated with a little concern.

“Yes mum.” I replied cheekily.

Wild laughed at this. “That’s my sister, trying to keep a stallion from having a few brews. You wouldn’t have too many, right?”

“Naw, I’m positive I wouldn’t have more than I can handle. I know my stopping point.” I stayed drunk for fifty years straight. I like to think I know how much I can handle.

With that, the food arrived, which Violet and Wild promptly dug into. A heavenly smelling beer was placed in front of me. “Ah beer, the basis of every civilization everywhere... at least for humans.”

Violet shook her head at me, and Wild looked at me, curious. I mouthed ‘later’ to him, at which he nodded.

The rest of the meal went smoothly, and I only downed three pints of stout. The waitress returned, and told us our damage. “Three bits a mug for the stout, and four bits per hay fries plate brings your total to seventeen bits.” I reached into my armor, pulling out my bit pouch, and gave the goodmare twenty bits.

“A tip for excellent service, my good mare.” I said as I handed it over. She picked up the bits, and placed them in one of two small satchels on her shoulder.

She smiled at me, then said “You folks come back now.”

We got up, and walked out the door, heading to Violet’s house.

I picked up the conversation, and asked her “How did you not know about that tavern?”

“It slipped my mind Marty, sorry. Plus, it’s not like they serve meat there. Steel Link is a vegetarian, too, you know. We don’t exactly see any gryphons around here either.”

“True, true.”

We ‘walked’ onward, arriving back at her home without incident. A bundle was on the doorstep, filled with my kilt and shirt.

“Hey, my clothes!” I said, a little excited. “I wonder how these will fit?” I said as we walked into the house.

“Isn’t it a little bit weird for a stallion to be excited over clothing?” Wild asked.

“I’m a human, and humans wear clothes as a matter of course. I feel naked and vulnerable if I’m not wearing anything.”

Wild looked at my armor, then at my face. “Doesn’t your armor count?”

“Yes, but it gets pretty uncomfortable to wear all the time. It’s contoured to my measurements exactly, but those are my human measurements, and it chafes even then.” I continued with “On this body, the area at where my waist would normally be is a little loose.”

“So you said that you would explain most everything back at the bar.” Wild replied.

“Sure. We should probably take a seat. This will take a while.”

*****

After one of my somewhat long-winded explanations, answering any questions that Wild had, and Violet clarifying some of my statements, Wild left the building.

“I’m going to go ahead and make myself a meal. I’m really hungry now.” I said to Violet.

“That’s fine. I’ll go practice while you eat.” She replied evenly.

“Works for me.”

I blew into my horn, summoning a table and food for me. Violet practiced in the background. She’s good. Very good, in fact. A lot better than me. Then again, I’m not a pony with a mark for music. Sure, marks only come for things one is good at, but it seems to imbue some extra competence at their special talent.

I finished eating, and got up from the table, watching as the table and chair left the same way they came. It’s nice to not have to clean up and all, but there’s nothing quite like cooking a meal for yourself and others.

“Hey Violet, you getting tired?” I asked calmly.

“Yeah, I’m fairly tired. Want to go to bed?” She returned.

“I doubt I’d ask otherwise.” I said, a little cheekily.

She smiled at that, then put her violin away in her case.

We walked up to her room, get ready to sleep, then went to bed.

*****

Two days passed without any comment. Violet and I got up, got ready for the day, ate together, and then I went out to the forge to work with Steel Link while she practiced, or ran a few errands.

My time at the forge was a bit of a struggle, while my mind knew what I needed to do, and I could make my muscles do it, they were by no means used to pounding at iron all day long.

At the end of the two days, Steel link commented on that fact. “Yer a good smith, but you have no endurance.”

“Yeah. I didn’t do any smithing for a long time, and my muscles atrophied. Traveling around isn’t exactly conducive to keeping up those specific muscles.” Not total truth there, but not a lie either.

“That makes sense. Keep it up, boyo. You’ll put that muscle back on in no time.” He said, confidently.

“I’m sure I will.” I smiled inwardly at his calling me a boy.

We finished out the day, and I headed home to Violet’s house. Along the way, I noted a fairly nice looking airship on the outskirts of town. How odd. I wonder who’s airship that is. Probably not important.

I got to the house, and didn’t hear any music coming out of it. That’s odd, Violet’s almost always practicing during this time of day. Maybe she has company over. I reached out to the door, and opened it, going inside.
> Visions of the future: Vengeance ssshall fall
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Heat. I needed more heat.

The Smooze. Depending on where you were, a bad joke or a nightmare. Definitely a nightmare. It overran the Canterlot plain, destroying everything in its path. Ponyville, Hoofingtone, Canterlot... and Coltogne, my new home. Four places to evacuate, dozens of gateways, and no time to rest, and no way to help everyone. I'm still amazed I didn't burn myself out.

Charcoal and Gunter are dead, and poor Emerald is catatonic. I wish I could help her, but I have other problems.

Violet's in a coma, and our foal is at risk.

I'm going to fix this. I didn't do Oponn's fucking scutzwork just to lose what I worked for. I... I guess I'm going to have to make it, make a world breaker.

I stood at my forge, three tons of iron at my disposal. I grabbed the power, and took as much as I could hold without burning myself out, and began to channel. I began to melt the iron, eliminating flaws and impurities as I went, purifying it.

I'm strong, but even I can't hold up that much iron forever, so I let it cool with as many shields and wards over it as I could possibly make.

I sleep, but I dream.


*****


We're evacuating Hoofington, and Violet, Charcoal, Gunter and myself are at the forefronts of the effort.

I channeled to make my voice louder. "Walk calmly and evenly to the beacons of light. They will lead you to safety. Please try to assist those around you..."

I repeated my statement ad nauseum, trying to evacuate a city of thousands. We get the tail end into the gateways, and I'm starting to close them when the Smooze arrives. It comes in like a wave and a hunting cat.

It jumped onto Charcoal and Gunter simultaneously, consuming them before I could even think to weave, and it starts to chase after Violet. It lands on my wife, and I channel. Beams of Balefire extend from my fingers, plucking each and every bit of Smooze off of her. Then she collapses into a beam, dieing minutes ago.

"NOOOOOOOO-


*****


-Ooooo! I yelled as I awoke.

I took in the area around me, and saw Violet breathing, but unsteadily. "You're okay, honey! I'm going to get you better! We're going to make it. It's going to be you, me, Emerald, and the foal. You'll see." I break down in tears over her body, burying my face into her mane. "It's going to be okay." I sob, and kiss her forehead.

I slithered back to the forge, and began to re-purify the iron...
> Meetingsss with an Important Cow
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

        I opened up the door, and slithered in. I took in three strangers to our shared abode. A red pegasus, wiry strong looking, a male unicorn, who had the look of military No threat there, and a jersey cow in.. a business suit? Who’s glowing? Ta’veren, now that’s a fun find.

        “Hey Violet, who are your friends?” I called out.

        “Hey Marty, these are someponys... err some folks who are new to town, and they were curious about our strangest new resident, no offense.” she answered back.

        “None taken, I’m decidedly strange compared to most folks around here.”

        The suited cow interrupted with “Hello, Mister … Stewart was it? I am called Missy, and I was hoping that you could answer some questions.”

        I looked her over, and noticed a bulge on her suit, in the perfect shape of a gun. I frowned. I really don’t want a repeat of the wasteland. I hope that’s just a one of a kind item. “What’s your business here, and why are you packing heat?” I asked shortly.

        She looked at me, a little confused, then answered with “To answer your second question: it’s a dangerous world out there. Some stallions already tried to rape me once, and I have no intention of allowing anything of the sort to happen again.”

        I nodded at her return, then said “It is indeed. I don’t blame you for carrying a little heat. I would too, if I were in your situation. Your statement implies that they failed. What happened to them?”

        She grimaced at me, then answered “They lost their stallionhoods, their inheritances, their titles, and their good names.”

        I darkened at this statement. “They got off lightly. Had I been around, they would have lost their lives.” I said, memories of Salice coming to my mind. The ponies and Missy all looked at me uncomfortably. I don’t care. There is no excuse for rape, and there never will be.

        “Going back to your question: My business is to look into ways to improve Equestria, such as by locating threats and figuring out ways to deal with them... such as slave-raids by diamond-dogs, and individuals who are able to deal with large numbers of such raiders without any help.” I raised my dermal ridge at this, and she continued “Safe Guard, Red, why don’t you go talk with Violet, while I talk with Mister Stewart here?”

        I smiled at Violet as they went into the kitchen to talk. Missy took in all my glorious ‘Yuan-Ti like form’ then spoke. “I’m afraid that I don’t believe I’ve seen anyone of your species before. I am guessing, like most sentient reptiles, you are one of the groups descending from dragons, rather than alicorns or cynogriffons?”

        I looked at her, slightly confused. “I have absolutely no idea. I’m the first of my kind I’ve ever seen. Me being related to dragons? Completely possible. I doubt I’m related to an alicorn, and what is a cynogriffon?"

“They resemble wolves with wings, and seem to have gone extinct after creating the more well-known griffons, and the more canine races such as the Diamond Dogs.” She answered, filling in my knowledge gap.

        I was still confused. “That makes no sense taxonomically. Winged creatures don’t devolve into true bipeds, at least in my experience.”

        I heard her mutter “I guess he’s never seen Spike.” Heh, I probably know more about Spike than you do. Also, that’s a metamorphasis, not a devolution or evolution. She said louder “I’m not a true expert on biology - I’m just going by what the specialists who’ve studied such things have said.”

“That makes sense.” I guess.

“Of course, with magic involved, then the ‘natural selection’ part of ‘evolution by natural selection’ can take some otherwise completely implausible turns. But perhaps we are straying from the main point...” She trailed off.

“Ah magic, truly the wonder explanation for what we don’t understand. Magic really makes science its plaything, but yes, we are straying from the point.” I answered with a smile while sipping my chai.


*****


        We sat around for an hour, chit-chatting about various topics, when Missy asked me an extremely odd question. “Do you know anything about... The Game?”

        I looked at her confused. “What game?” Did I just lose?

        She sighed, then said “Nevermind.”

        Now she’s gone and made me all curious. I’ll have to figure this out at some point.


*****




        I gave her my version of how I’d rescued Violet, which I noticed she seemed to be leading me in her questions. What’s she looking for?

        She asked me “Mister Stewart - was your rescue of Violet and the other ponies a mere whim of the moment, or do you bear a particular dislike for slavers?” Ah, that’s what she was looking for.

        I answered her candidly. “Ma’am, my feelings on slavers borders between hatred and psychopathic rage. I would have done what I did to those slavers without a second thought where the situations reversed, or an inverse of said situation.” And if I’d know what they did to Violet beforehand, I wouldn’t have made their deaths so quick.

        She continued on, a faint smile playing over her bovine face. “There is a, I’ll call it a network, of people working to improve Equestria from the inside. Finding ways to deal with enslavement raids and attacks is a particular concern. Assistance of several sorts would be valuable - anything from your passing on word of a situation which could be dealt with by other members, to passing word to you of situations in your own field, to, depending on a lot of specifics, more material support. Even if you wish to avoid making any specific promises, it would cost the network nearly nothing to send you a note of something happening in your area - giving you the option of doing, or not doing, whatever you see fit.”

“I would be more than happy to help. I don’t know how much field work I could do, but if you need muscle I’m more than capable.” I offered.

She replied quickly. “Muscle would be helpful. One of the emphases of this network is in rapid reaction - in learning what’s going on in Equestria as soon as possible, and if possible or necessary, dealing with it before the Royal Guard has pulled their armor on... but given the peaceful nature of most ponies, there are many more who are willing to just look and talk rather than act.”

        I shrugged and answered. “Trust me, I am very willing to act. I could in fact facilitate the moving of information and material very quickly. I can make a gateway that allows for instantaneous transportation, and can enter the world of dreams to send out information.”

Her entire body perked up, from her ears to her hind end. “I have a particular interest in improving communications and transportation. Would it be possible for me to convince you to allow these abilities to be studied more closely, to see if they can be applied more generally?”

        I frowned slightly at this. “As far as I can tell, I am the only one on this planet who can create gateways and travel the world of dreams both. Princess Luna, with her status as ruler of the night, might be able to travel the dreamworld as well, but I can’t see asking a princess to be a messenger boy to end well. As for application, assuming you are willing to risk someone being cut in two, I can travel instantaneously to any point on the map. Well, instantaneously assuming I know my current area well. I can skim to that same point, but it’s not as quick or as efficient.” Lightning deployment of armies anyone?

        She frowned slightly at this. “Hrm. I will... keep the limitations of your ‘gateways’ in mind - perhaps they might be better suited for sending non-living resources and materiel to a site, so that whoever is dealing with an incident can travel light and fast.”

        I was slightly confused. “Why would it... Oh, you think that the gateway might cut someone who would go through it in two. When I make a gateway, I more or less poke a small hole in the fabric of space-time that allows me to travel instantaneously between two points. The space occupied by the hole at those two points will cut anything that is currently there. Well, almost anything. It won’t cut heartstone, but that’s the only thing it won’t cut. Sending material and personnel through after the gateway is woven is completely safe, assuming I don’t stop channeling the gateway.”

        She perked back up. “So a gateway is essentially a magical wormhole?”

        I smiled back at her. “Yes, that sums it up perfectly.”

        “Is your control precise enough to open the other end at a specific location, or, say, ten feet above ground level, to avoid any such unfortunate accidents?”

“That is a possibility, and I can also create a chiming sound to warn of imminent opening of a gateway. If you have people on the ground who know what the random chime means, I won’t need to do a three-meter drop.”

I waited a few moments for her to contemplate what I’d told her. “I will also admit that after having thought on it for a few moments, I have a mild concern about your dream... thing. I do not wish to offer you any offense, but you do not, yet, have the clearance for some of the information known by various members of the network - information that could cost lives if spread. Is there some way you could demonstrate what the limitations of this oneiric mental connection might be?”

        Nice three dollar word there, hon. “I can tell you, and I can visit your dreams tonight if you so desire.”

“Tell me what you can do, and then I’ll decide on whether or not I want you to visit my dreams.”

“Alright, if I so desire, I can send my consciousness or my body into the world of dreams, or what some cultures call Tel’aran’rhiod. While in this world when sleeping, your conscious willpower decides a lot of things about you; clothing, or a lack thereof, what you look like, all sorts of things like that. Most people accidentally visit Tel’aran’rhiod at some point in their dreams throughout their lives. People like me, who consciously visit Tel’aran’rhiod, can affect a lot of different things. I could go to a forbidden section of a library and read classified knowledge, read through the Princesses’ paperwork, or figure out what I’d look like if I was pink.” 

By now, Violet and the other two had returned, and the look that Violet gave me was amusing. “I can also skim the surface of someone’s dreams who doesn’t ward them, and see what they are dreaming about. If they have knowledge of dreams, they might note my presence, but most would not. I can also drag people into Tel’aran’rhiod, but I’d rather not, as the world of dreams is a dangerous place.”

        She cocked her head at me, confused. “Dangerous, how?”

        “In a normal dream, you get a cut on your hand, you wake up and might remember the cut from the dream and the pain, but there is no physical evidence that it happened. Do that in the world of dreams, and you’ll wake up with the cut, and all the bleeding that might have occurred with it. Same with dying, you die in Tel’aran’rhiod, and you die for real.”

“You mention ‘warding’ - is that something anyone can do?” She asked.

I shrugged at this question. “I’m not a unicorn, so I can’t say whether or not they could ward their dreams, but close proximity to me while sleeping does transfer the protection of my own wards. I’ve known of powerful unicorns in the past, so it might be possible by unicorns that know a specific spell or have a specific talent for dreams.”


*****


        We continued talking for a good long while. She seemed to be getting a feel for how I could be useful, which while I don’t like being manipulated for horrible things, I don’t mind being a tool in the hands of someone who has a good plan that benefits the most people. She seems like she understands politics well, which is something I’ve never been good at. Sure, I can command an army, and can wield a sledgehammer, but politics is best described as dueling with razor blades; sharp, and subtle.

        We wound down, and Missy gave me some contact protocols if I had info, or if she had info or an assignment for me. We wrapped things up, and the three of them left our house.

        I sighed, and visibly deflated. “I’m glad they’re gone.  That is quite possibly the most draining conversation I’ve had in a long time.” I said, looking over at Violet.

        “I believe it. I felt like I was being interrogated by those two.” She answered back.

        I got up, and grabbed the horn to make us dinner. The usual tables, chairs, delectable smell and delicacies all appeared on the table. “I’m starving, how about you.”

        “Oh definitely.”

        We dug into our food, stuffing our faces with deliciousness. Halfway through dinner, Violet asked me a question. “Why do you hate slavers, Marty? Why did you say you’d kill those rapists if you’d been there.”

        “Violet, that’s just one of those things I’d rather not talk about. It’s painful to think about, let alone talk about. Please just accept that I hate them, and leave it.” I said, cringing.

        “But, I think you should tell me. I thought you weren’t the type to keep secrets.” She said, trying to figure me out.

        “Everybody has secrets, Violet, especially me. Please, just drop it.” I replied.

        “I’ll drop it.” and then in a quieter voice, continued “For now.”

        We finished eating, and then cleaned up for a bit.

        “I’m ready to go to bed, how about you?” I asked.

        “Yeah, todays been tiring. Let’s go to bed.” She answered.

        We got into bed, and the two of us slowly drifted off, her heading into her dreams, and me heading into ‘The world of dreams’.


*****


        I circled the space inbetween regular dreams and Tel’aran’rhiod,  looking for a certain cow. I found her dream after a little while, and found myself within. Huh, she’s a lucid dreamer. I noted, because I could feel her react to me very easily. I walked over to where I felt her essence coming from, and noticed a strange sight. A bipedal cow-man-woman thing. Now there’s something you don’t see everyday. Deciding to break the ice, and randomly thinking of ice cream, I call out “What would you do-o-o-o for a Klondike Bar.” I look at it expectantly for an answer.

        She countered with “Where’s the beef?”

        I laughed a little inside at this, and this started a catchphrase war. “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”, “This is your brain on drugs”, “Just do it”, “Got milk?”, “Tastes great, less filling”, “Don’t leave home without it” where all exchanged quickly. Terran, definitely a terran.

        I left her dream, and decided to go into Tel’aran’rhiod proper. I looked around at the buildings, the cloudy ‘sky’ and the ponies that would randomly pop in and out of here. No one I recognize, but then again, I’ve been here how long? Three days? That’s not enough time to meet everyone.

        I then hear from behind me, in a somewhat creepy double voice “It’s about time you showed up here.” I turn around, and see two ‘humans’ in fancy medieval clothing. They spoke again in a creepy double voice. “Greetings, Martin Stewart. We are Oponn.”


*****



Author's Note


This is my half of a crossover with DataPacRat, and their story: Myou've Gotta Be Kidding Me.

> Ascendantsss
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I looked at my company, and truly saw. A deck of cards, filled with harlequins, a coin forever flipping between a man and woman, a sword never drawn, and so many other things. I blinked, and only saw two 'persons' again. "Oponn, twin jesters of chance? The Malazan ascendant of luck?" I cleared my throat, then continued on. "What in chaos are you doing in Equestria?"

They simultaneously winced at the word chaos, and then the Lady spoke up. "We are in Equestria because you are in Equestria."

"A vast game amongst ascendants with interests in this world is being played, similar to the Terran game of chess." The Lord finished.

"My brother and I arranged for you to be in Equestria as our piece in this game. We know of your power, and thought you would be a most powerful ally."

"So you arranged for my death, and probably the deaths of the rest of my cell, ship me to an Equestria, then have the balls to tell me to my face that you have done this? That's even stupider than underestimating Kruppe." I grabbed the source, and locked the two of them down in Tel'aran'rhiod. "Tell me why I should not kill you now." My voice was ice.

Cool as a cucumber, the Lord answered. "We did not arrange for your death, merely for a deviation in your curse. You would have arrived in Equestria on the same day regardless of when your death was. You would have landed near Hoofington whether your death was by accident, old age, sickness, or any of the other millions of potential deaths out there."

The Lady continued. "For what it is worth, while your cell was obliterated, the rest of the resistance was ultimately successful."

I let go of the power, and undid the lock. "Thank you, and I apologize for assaulting you."

They responded in stereo. "Think nothing of it, it was a poor choice of words on our part."

"So what exactly is it I am supposed to do as your piece in this so-called chess game?"

"For us to win the larger game, you merely have to be the last piece standing. We will not ask you to kill off the other pieces, as we know that is an ultimately futile request. Merely live, and we shall be content." They concluded.

"I get the feeling there is an unsaid 'but' here. What else are you not telling me?"I asked, suspicious.

"What we desire in Equestria is to become their luck deity. If you win the game for us, than can happen." The Lady started.

"But if you do us a favor, we will hit that goal and be able to use the victory condition for something else. Maybe a reinforcement on the barriers against chaos on the warrens." The Lord stopped.

"How altruistic of you. I know of at least one Equestrian ascendant that will balk at that request. Discord loves his chaos."

The Lady laughed without humor. "His chaos and our chaos are like night and day. He creates and destroys with equal fervor, whereas ours destroys, and destroys only. And with our bridging the gap between our worlds... I think that he will be happy to help with that."

"Perhaps. In exchange for my doing your task, you would owe me a favor, correct?"

"Yes, but we cannot return you to your home reality. We know of nothing that can do that." The Lord answered.

"Not surprised. More powerful ascendants than you have said the same thing. I expect it now, more or less." I shook my head, then continued. "I will think upon what you are asking, and get back to you later. Right now, I'm still adjusting to this new world, and some interesting work."

They returned to their creepy double voice "We understand. Take you time. It is not as if we aren't immortal."

"So long as you don't piss off the imass, the wrong ascendant, me, or lose those who use you as a talisman. Anyways, farewell."

They looked nonplussed at this statement, and winked out. I returned myself to my body, prepared for more unpleasant dreams, but was pleasantly surprised with no dreams whatsoever.


*****


I woke up the next day to an interesting predicament. I was wrapped over Violet protectively, and one of my hemipens had decided to say hello. I consciously retracted it, and began to disengage myself from a still sleeping Violet.

"Mmmmm, a bath of toffee sounds simply snickerdoodly..." Violet said in her sleep. I covered my mouth with my hand to dampen my snickers of amusement. 

I looked at the clock, and noticed that it was a little before the two of us needed to get up. I decided to cuddle up against Violet, without letting a certain portion of my anatomy brush against her. I laid there for a while, just listening to her breath. Some birds started to sing softly, welcoming the day to come. I laced my fingers into her hair, and started to gently massage her scalp, gently enough to not wake her up.

The bedroom clock finally hit the appointed time to wake us up, and started to chime. "Come on sleepy-head, time to get up!" I said lightly.

She groaned, and shifted her body. "Mmmm... I don't wanna."

"Sorry hon, but it's time to start the day."

"Not gonna." She said, turning back over.

"If you won't get up..." I put my hand under my chin, in the classic 'thinker' position. "I'll just have to tickle you awake!" I then hook my fingers, and start to run them teasingly along her neck and along parts of her legs.

She starts to giggle and shake. "No-o-o-o-o. Sto-o-op! That tickles!" I continue on, unabated, watching as she starts to really laugh. "Stop! I'm going to pee myself if you don't!"  She gasps out. I finally stop, and watch as she catches her breath.

"That was evil of you. How'd you like for me to tickle you awake?" She puffs.

"I'd put up with it for a while, then wrestle you into submission, turning the tables. Anyways, I'll go get the hot water running now that you're up." I finally get out of bed, then slithered down to the boiler to light the fire. I lit it, then channeled some heat into the boiler to jump start it.

"Try the water, Violet! It should be somewhat warm at least." I yell up to her.

"Thanks, Marty! It's good!" She shouted back down.

I did a bit of light cleaning about the house, waiting for her to get done with her shower.

Fifteen minutes passed, then Violet called out. "Marty! I'm done!"

I hear her clopping down the hall, away from the shower. Time to get clean.

I slithered into the tub-shower, and turned it on. I'm a piece in a game of ascendants. And I'm Oponn's piece. I'm nowhere near as subtle as Kruppe, and not as ignorant as Paran was. They were completely honest with me, which means they either are terrified of me, or are dismissive of my abilities. I've killed gods before, so it might be a mix of those. I mused, showering off the night-sweat from the my body. 

I soaped up my hair and the rest of my body, noting the semi-flowery smell. Going to have to get some soap that doesn't smell like a woman. I washed the soap from my body, watching as it went down the drain. I grabbed a towel, and channeled a bit to assist in the drying process.

I grabbed a kilt, shirt, and apron, and headed down to breakfast. Violet had once again beaten me to using the horn. The delicious smell of fruit, quiche, and various meats flooded my senses as I flicked my tongue out.

"So, tickling aside, how'd you sleep last night?" I asked her.

"Pretty good, though I remember something about toffee and a bath." She said with a confused expression on her face.

"Heh, you said something about that in your sleep." I said with a smile.

"I. I. I-I talk in my sleep? Why am I just finding out about this?" She said, annoyed and perplexed.

"I don't know, and it might be a recent development on your part. The mind is forever changing and being changed." I sat there for a moment, then continued. "I know I talk in my sleep now, but for the longest time I didn't. It was probably about the time I turned ten-thousand years old. I don't know what triggered it."

She looked at me, then said. "Yeah, I definitely know about your talking in your sleep. Well, less talking and more yelling."

I felt a bit of shame, and probably looked chagrined. "Sorry about that."

She noticed, and a reassuring smile appeared on her face. "It's okay, Marty. I know you don't like it."

We continued eating, and had just about finished when she looked at me, with a curious expression. "Marty? Why do you hate so much?"

I winced. "Violet, I don't want to talk about it." With that, we finished breakfast in peace.

I went to the forge, and I could hear Violet starting to practice behind me.

This continued on for the next few days, with the only thing of interest was Violet asking me why I had so much hate.
> Bombshellsss
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Ten days. I had been in this Equestria for ten whole days. My days of living at Violet's house had started to become routine. Wake up, get up, start the boiler, shower, eat, work at the forge, come home, talk or listen to Violet practicing, eat again, then sleep. A typical life for most sentients I've come across.

I woke up, alone in the bed I platonicaly shared with Violet. Huh, she's already up. I slithered out of the bed, and went to check on the water-boiler. It was already running, and it sounded like water was already cycling to the bathroom.

I walked to the bathroom, which Violet was just emerging from. "Marty! I'm- Oh, you're right here. I'm done in there."

"Okay, thank you for letting me sleep in a little, Vi." I smiled at her.

"Oh, it's no problem, Marty." She smiled back.

I showered quickly, cleaning myself of what I missed after my quick dip at the forge's stream, and the sweat from the night. I then got dressed in my typical kilt and shirt. Going to need to do laundry soon.

I walked into the kitchen, and saw food already laid out for us. "You're on the ball this morning, Vi. I think is the first time I've woken up later than you since I started living with you."

"Thank you, I think. I'm not much of an early riser, while you seem to be." She says, chagrined.

"Heh, I'm only an early riser because my instructors forced it on me. If you had met me when I was in, say, my twenties, you'd say I spent all night playing and all day sleeping." I laughed.

"Really? So this is just a result of instruction, rather than actual personality or bodily needs?" She asked, incredulous.

"Pretty much, yeah. Then again, both my krav maga instructor and my sword instructor were pretty brutal. Up at dawn, run three klicks, eat a bowl of porridge, eat either a fist or wooden sword, eat a lunch with some sort of protein, tactics lessons, spar with one of the other apprentices, eat a protein heavy dinner, then relax in a bath, then sleep until dawn the next and repeat it again."

"You ate fists and wooden swords? And how could you spend all that time not working?" Violet asked, confused.

"The fist was my instructor hitting me in the face with the heel of his hand, and the wooden sword belonged to my teacher, and was what would happen when I failed at blocking... Which happened way too often. Turns out that I just don't have the reflexes to keep up with the best."

"Ouch, and you told me you were slower. Why do you keep repeating yourself?"

"Because while I have a perfect memory, I'm clueless about how good the memory of everyone else is. I'm Marty, by the way."  I stuck out my tongue at her at that last statement.

"Ha ha. You aren't exactly funny, mister Stewart." She stuck her tongue out right back at me.

"I like to think so. Oh well. Everyone's a critic."

Violet's face turned serious. "Marty, please. I think I have a right to know. Why do you hate so much?"

I looked at Violet, choking down a small flame of anger. "Violet, seriously, drop it. It's really painful to think about."

With that, I left the house, slightly annoyed. I got to the forge, and started to work on the orders that people had put in for the forge. I really need to get a water-driven press in here. It's such a pain to spend so much of our days just making nails. I wonder if Steel will go for it.

"Hey Steel, I have an idea to improve the forge, if you're up to helping me with it."

"Oh, what is it?" The old minotaur asked.

"You know how we spend so much time on making nails every day?"

"Yes" the minotaur replied, curious as to where I was going with this.

"What would you say to a water-driven press for making nails with? It would cut down on the work we would have to do for a nail by about a hundred-fold."

"That... sounds like a good idea. How long would it take, and how much work would it take?" He asked, curious.

"It would take quite a bit of work, and figuring out the gear ratios might take some time. Also, I'm not entirely positive I can get a wooden wheel to take the strain of being the driving mechanism for a punch press, and heartstone wheel would be so heavy that we would need about half the town to move it into place, and who knows if the water would even turn it." My mind is going ablaze at the problem that is making a workable water-wheel press.

"Anyways, lets get back to work." Steel Link said from his side of the forge.

"Agreed."

We work on various forge projects for a while, finally getting Steel caught up on orders.


*****


"Marty, I think we can call it for today." Steel Link said from one of the shop's anvils.

I looked up at the sun, it was barely midday. "Really? This early? Why?" I was slightly confused. I was used to working from the time I got there until the sun had essentially set.

"Well, you've been a tremendous help to me. This forge is actually starting to get ahead on orders. Don't get me wrong, I'm a master smith, but with how old I'm getting, I just can't keep up with orders. So go ahead and take the afternoon off, get to know the various townsponies."

"Alright, I'll do that." And with that, I slithered into the marketplace proper, intending to buy some supplies for the house. Don't get me wrong, the horn made wonderful food, and always made more than enough, but there's nothing quite like cooking for others. Myself, not so much.

I examined the various stalls, taking in what they sold. No broccoli. I thought, with disappointment. I stopped at the various stalls and bought a variety of items. Carrots, water chestnuts, an onion, some peanuts, a few various spices, salt, soybeans, and some flour. Convenient how they had all the ingredients I need to make soy sauce.

I stopped in the park, and took a seat on a bench off to the side. Simple pony watching is something I've indulged in from time to time as a way to relax and still have something to do.

As I watched, I noticed to fillies playing with each other not too far from where I was sitting. They were still too young to have cutie marks, but there was something that stood out about them. Both of them were unicorns, though one was a fair amount larger than the other. The larger one had a white coat, red eyes, and red and black mane/tail. The smaller one had a blueish-gray coat, with a brown main and tail. There was something about the two of them, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I continued to sit there, ignoring the few odd looks that came my way. I then heard a mare's voice call out. "Littlepip! Time for dinner!"

Seconds later, a stallion called out. "Blackjack, time to come home!"

Those two names were dual punches to the gut. The ones most responsible for cleaning up the mess my mistake made! I put my face in my hands, and started to weep. I am so, so, so sorry, you two. You should never have had to live through that. No one should have to clean up my mistakes but me.

I sit there for some time, crying my eyes out. By the time I finished, the sun was at about the point that I normally went home anyways.

I walked in the door, listening to Violet play the violin part to a song I knew from earth. "Hey Violet! What's that song you're practicing?"

"Oh that? It's the first violin part for 'Night in the Dark Valley' by Mulessorgsky. I don't much care for it, but some ponies love it." She explained.

"Interesting, it sounds a great deal like a piece from Terra called 'Night on Bald Mountain' by Mussorgsky. Funny how things like that are reflected between dimensions, huh?" I commented.

"Anyways, I went shopping after work, and got some stuff to cook with. I was going to, but I feel wiped out."

"That's alright, Marty. It's probably not a horrible thing to have stuff like that in the house anyway you look at it."

"No, probably not." 

We sat down to dinner, and started to eat. Quiet reigned for most of the meal, when Violet spoke up. "Marty, why do you hate slavers and rapists so much? You seem to hate them more than me, even."

Something within me snapped, a great surge of anger. "Fine! Fucking fine! I told you multiple times that it hurt me to even think about it, that talking about it would only bring you pain. But you've bugged me about it ever since that cow came around. So I'll fucking tell you why I hate them so damn much!" I stood up as I spoke, and pounded my fist against the table.

"I used to be a member of a small tribe of humans, living in a fairly wild forest. We mostly survived by hunting and selling the furs of the animals we'd hunt, with a bit of profit coming in from timber and meat sales. One day I went out to hunt, and came back to nothing. My village had been burned to the ground, and the old had been slaughtered completely. Many of the young men were dead as well, and the rest were missing. Out of a village of one-hundred, I found one still living, my wife's mother, and she was barely alive." I'm getting into it now, and tears are starting to form in my eyes. She was such a sweet old woman. Probably my favorite mother-in-law.

"She told me what had happened. A band of raiders had ridden in from the east, and had started to kill any who resisted or where old. She pointed out the direction they had rode off in, then expired in my arms before I could even think of healing her. I'm positive she used all of her strength to just live long enough to tell me what had happened."

"I knew that I wouldn't have much time before the trail would grow cold, but I took the time to channel open a mass grave to dump the bodies of my neighbors into. They deserved some decency in death, even if it wasn't enough."

Violet is looking at me in horror, and my story hasn't even touched upon what was truly horrific.

"What supplies I could scavenge from the homes, which wasn't much, I put in my pack, and rode after the trail the raiders had left. Every now and again, I would see a bloodied corpse, obviously one of the captives who either succumbed to their wounds or to exhaustion." I swallow, the memories of friends and neighbor's sightless eyes staring up at me, accusing me for not being there to protect them. "I burnt their corpses to ash, too hurried to stop and give them all individual burials."

"I only stopped when the sun went down, and pressed my horse when the sun went up the next day. I'm still surprised I didn't kill the poor thing with how hard I drove it." Violet, if it was even possible, looked more horrified at this statement. "Two days after I set out, I came across a campground the raiders hadn't even done a half-decent job of covering up. It was there that I found my wife."

"Do you know how hard it is to lose someone you love dearly, even to something natural, like age or disease?" I asked Violet.

"Y-yes. My parents died of encephalitis." Violet's voice quavered, remembering how her parents died.

"For that, I am sorry. I hope no one you care about ever dies of violence, as the impact is increased." I quieted, then continued. "I found my wife dead, naked and covered in the foul seed of those murderous! Bastard! Raiders!" I yelled at the end. "Those fuckers raped my wife to death, and I found her corpse without dignity!" Tears are flowing from my, and what looked like Violet's eyes. "I took out my grief on the land around me! I turned the ground to glass, then broke that glass by raising and lowering a mountain! Trees burst into flame, then flew for a mile at my rage!"

"I accidentally obliterated their trail in my anger, which I still regret. I might have saved my daughter from what happened to her." 

Timidly, Violet asked "What happened to your daughter? Did the raiders kill her too?"

"No. I almost wish they had. It would've been kinder. No. The fuckers sold my three year old daughter! And they didn't sell her to be a maid, either. No, they sold her to a fucking pedophile! That bastard turned my daughter into a sex slave! He made her equate worth with sexual gratification to adults!" I'm raging by now, but I don't care. "Five years that cunt had her! Five years he used and abused all that I had left of Salice! Five years he stole, from her and from me!"

"I searched high and low, looked through city after city for the raiders who sold my daughter. I found them all, and tortured them to death. They had earned it, for what they had done to me, and for what they had done to my family, but what I did is nothing to what I did to the bastard who bought my daughter."

"I found him and his household preparing to eat dinner. The ones who I felt weren't responsible ate death. The one who had bought my daughter, I took with us. For the next three plus years I made sure that every waking hour of his was spent screaming. At the end, I was unable to keep his heart beating, and he expired. I had wanted to give him five years of pain to match the pain he had put my daughter through."

"I spent the next twelve years doing my best to heal my daughters mind, and succeeded to a degree. Meliel had nightmares about what that asshole had done to her up until the day I died from a snakebite, and probably afterwards too." I turned to look at Violet, who had put me in a hug. "Do you know what it's like to be woken up in the middle of the night because your daughter thinks you want to have sex with her? A piece of me died when that happened."

"That is why I hate, Violet. Is it not wonderful! Are you happy I told you about what could cause someone so much rage! Are you happy! Cause I'm sure as hell not! I didn't want to tell you, I didn't want to tell anyone ever!"

Violet's mouth works, but nothing comes out. "What was that? I didn't hear you!"

"I'm so so sorry I asked, Marty. I should have let matters lie!" She sobs out.

Hearing her cry, something inside me deflated. A sense of age settled over my body. "Violet, look at me." I said in a much calmer voice. She looked up. "That memory hurts so much, Violet. It angers me, and it drives me to kill. You are only guilty of curiosity, something I'm guilty of too." I look about, and then look down at the mare in front of me. "Violet, I'm going to go get a drink. Please don't come with me. I forgive you, but I need some time to myself."

"You're going to leave, aren't you? Marty, I'm sorry, please don't leave me!" Violet wailed out, hugging me tightly.

"Violet, I'm just going to get drunk. I'll be back tomorrow. I just can't sleep here tonight." I proceed to untangle myself from her grasp, and slither out the door. I shut it behind me with my tail. As I slither away, I can hear a weight collapse against the door, sobbing.

I slither to the tavern, and open the door. "Two things, how much for a room, and what do you have that will get me drunk fairly quickly?"

Brewers Yeast clip-clopped up to me, and answered my question. "Twenty bits for a room, and we sell absinthe by the bottle, twelve bits per."

I counted out forty-four bits, then passed them to her. "Two bottles, and a room. I might need someone to lead me up to it."

"Alright, but it might cost you extra. But we'll talk about that in the morning." She giggled. "I doubt our new blacksmith is going to skip paying his tab."

"That works, and no I wouldn't."

Yeast came back by later, and dropped off both bottles. I started to drink them straight, ignoring the burn. "Oh, before I forget, can I get some water, too? Don't want to have a hangover to boot."

"I can do that." Yeast came and left with my water, and after that, everything is a glorious blank spot.


*****


I woke up the next day with only a slight hangover. I paid up the two bits I had remaining on my tab, as well as giving Yeast a tip. Or at least the bag I put it in said 'Yeast's tips' on it. As I was fishing out my money, I noticed a message in my handwriting in my bag. It said: "Mustang, city of ne'er do wells. Might have info on a slaver ring somewhere out there."

Huh, I'll have to check that out. Anyways, to breakfast. I slithered on to Violet's house, and what might be my home.
> Reconciliation or Tearsss
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I slithered in the door, looking in to see if Violet was around. I found her laying on the floor, asleep. She occasionally kicked and whimpered, obviously a bad dream. Not knowing how much sleep she had the night before, and planning on skipping going to the forge today, I picked her up gently, and began to carry her. "Ssshhh, dear one. Nothing is going to hurt you." She calmed down a little at this, but still shifted in her sleep constantly.

I carried her to her bed, tucked her in, and then curled up next to her myself. I decided to meditate for a while, to try and clear my head while she slept.


*****


A few hours passed, and Violet stirred. "Good morning, Vi. How'd you sleep?" I calmly asked.

Violet started, and turned to face me quickly. "Oh Celestia, don't do that!" She huffed for a moment, then continued. "You came home?!" She said, starting to tear up.

"Violet, I said I would." I said simply, wrapping her up in a hug. "The only way I wouldn't have is if I physically couldn't. You're my best friend on this world, and also more or less my roommate." Please don't latch on to the qualifiers. I prayed to the cosmos.

Violet looked at me, then buried herself into the hug. She whispered softly "You came home."

I stroked her mane gently, watching as she gave herself over to the relaxing feeling. I then started to massage the scalp of her mane, something that seemingly every species I've ever encountered has loved.

We laid there for some time longer, merely enjoying each others company, unspoken apologies for the night before radiating between us. Then my stomach growled. "Heh, looks like I'm hungry." I said nonchalantly.

As soon as I finished my statement, a low roar sounded through the room. Violet flushed a deep crimson. "Yup, I'm hungry. Lets go eat something."

"Lead the way, my dear." I bent over, my hand outstretched in the direction of the hallway.

Violet trotted to the kitchen, and blew the horn for food. "Wow, I'm hungry." Was the last thing I heard from her before she started to devour what the horn had placed in front of her. I began to eat my breakfast as well, enjoying the feeling of my stomach filling.

We ate without much conversation, enjoying the food. When we finally finished, and the magic had dissipated, we sat down to think, and perhaps to talk. I noticed one of her violins off in the corner, and got a horribly nostalgic feeling. "Violet, do you mind if I play a quick song on your violin?"

She looked at me and smiled. "No, not at all. If we can think of something, how does a duet sound?"

"That sounds wonderful." I reached down and took out a beautiful Stradivarius-type violin, a deep amber sealant on the body. I tuned each string to what sounded like perfection to my ear, then brought it up to my chin, and I then ran the bow across the strings. A mellow tone filled the room. "I love your violin. I've always preferred the more mellow sound to bright tones.

"Well, I do have a bright violin, but the mellow sound blends better with the orchestra. I generally use the brighter one for solo work." She explained happily.

"Makes sense." I said as I prepared to the first thing that popped into my head. An adagio movement from a Bach piece. Perfect. 

'My' bow glided across the strings, filling the room with sweet, melancholic music. Shift, shift, accidental, shift, shift, accidental... and so on filled my head as I played.

After some time, I finally came to the end of the movement, exhilarated. "Either Equestria wants me to play well, or I haven't lost as much skill as I thought I had."

Violet looked at me. "Must they be mutually exclusive of each other?"

"No, no they do not." I replied evenly.

I took the violin back up in my hands, running through some scales and arpeggios, getting the feel for the violin back into my fingers, despite my warm-up piece.

Violet reached down, and brought out another violin. "I think I have a piece for us to go through. I even have sheet music for both parts."

I brightened at that. "Awesome! This should be a lot of fun to play together, even if our timing is completely off!" I said excitedly.

"Of course it will. Let's begin." She said with a pleasant smirk.

A piano began to play out of nowhere, an intro to a delightful duet. We began to play after a short period of time, inter-weaving ourselves with the unseen piano.

The three movements to the piece where themselves dances, and our instruments danced in time to the music. My fingers flew across the strings, a few minor mistakes showing my rustiness. Violet, on the other hand, appeared to have become one with her instrument. The bow was a part of her right hoof, and her left skimmed across the strings, creating a show in of itself.

Our duet sadly came to an end, and we both put down her instruments. The dissipating music left a magic all it's own, one I was loathe to disturb.

We sat there in the silence for a little while, when Violet finally said something. "That was awesome, no?"

"Completely." Was my reply.

We continued to make music for the rest of the day, which led to some very pained fingers for me by the end of it.

"I don't think playing that much was a good idea for me. I'm going to have to build up some calluses before I can play like that decently often."

"Yes, yes you will. What's a callus?" She asked noncommittally.

I gave her a quick explanation, then went to go summon dinner.

While we ate, a topic came up that I hadn't occurred to me earlier. "Hey Violet, you know how my abilities can do all sorts of freaky things?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" She said, puzzled.

"Well, I don't know if you heard about my instant long-distance teleportation ability or not, but it can do some crazy things if you don't know about it."

"I heard a little bit of what you where discussing with Inspector Missy, but I didn't hear much in the way of details."

"Alright, why I'm talking about this is that I might occasionally make a gateway into the house, by the doorway, and I need to make up a safety protocol for you." I took hold of the power, and then continued on. "The point that these three chimes..." I set off my incoming gateway chime "... emanates from is going to quickly become dangerous to be in."

"Dangerous? How?" She looked downright curious at my statement.

"As in it will cut almost anything in half dangerous. In fact, the only substance I know of that it won't cut through is what the plating of my armor is made of." I let go of the power after saying this.

"Ah, definitely move out of the way of the three chimes. Got it." She said in all seriousness. She looked down for a moment, then back up. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Well, I said that I was going to help out Inspector Missy with her anti-slavery ring, and I might just happen to have a lead for that. A little place called Mustang." I said with a slight bit of mischief.

"Mustang! You won't find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. You should be cautious if you go there!" She said, wearing a serious expression.

I looked at her for a moment, and then started to laugh. I was laughing and laughing and laughing. Tears came to my eyes and I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard.

Violet began to giggle nervously at my display, wondering if she'd inadvertently shorted out my brain. "Okay, Marty. What's so funny? I merely spoke the truth. That place is dangerous!"

I finally began to calm down, and wiped the tears from my eyes. "Violet, just trust me. What you said was hilarious to someone with my background. It probably would've been funny to a lot of folks without my background, too."

"Ooookay then. Moving right along. So you want to go to one of the most dangerous towns in Equestria just to look for leads for a cow that you don't even really know?" She shook her head. "That sounds kinda stupid."

"Yeah, it does sound kinda stupid, but it's the right thing to do. If I can help shut down the slave trade, then I'll have done something worthwhile." I said full of resolve.

"I suppose I can't argue with that logic. You be careful when you go there, you hear?" She said, truly serious.

"Oh, I'm not going to leave until the day after tomorrow. I need to make sure Steel Link knows about this. I already dropped work today, can't just go gallivanting off without telling the poor bull."

"Good point. I'm glad that you're not just going to leave without making preparations. I'll run to the market to get some groceries tomorrow, because I assume you're going to take your horn with you."

"Yeah. Being a carnivore in Equestria is rather difficult, and just in case something goes horribly wrong, I'd rather have that come with me, rather than not have that in the next world." I told her bluntly.

"I can live with that." She replied.

The rest of the evening passed without much in the way of trouble, the two of us going to bed after some time.

We woke up the next day, with (thankfully) no bad dreams on my part. We went through our morning affairs quickly and without trouble. I slithered out the door, and headed over to the forge to talk to Steel Link.

"Morning Steel. Sorry about not coming in to work yesterday. I had a fairly bad argument with my roommate and decided to try and make up yesterday." I said sheepishly.

"Marty, I understand completely, and you told me about the fight when we were drinking absinthe together. This was before your impromptu drinking song, and when you danced with a coat rack. You're a really fun drunk, by the way."

I looked at him, puzzled. "So that's what I did. I can't remember a damn thing while drunk, which is really quite nice, by the way. I'm glad I didn't do anything too embarrassing." I then started to work on the days orders, not wanting to spill the beans to Steel quite yet.


*****


"So Steel, I apologize for this, but I'm planning on heading off for a few days."

"You're already going to go on a romantic getaway with Violet Melody? Wow, your relationship is moving fast." Steel marveled.

I blinked at him a couple of times, and then laughed. "Heh, no. Remember that airship that showed up not that long ago?"

"I remember, what about it?"

"Well, the folks on that airship work for the Equestrian government, and they asked me to work with them on eliminating the slave trade here in Equestria."

Steel looked shocked. "Really!? That's astounding!"

"Yup, and I think I have a potential source of information. I was planning on leaving tomorrow to go check it out. Hopefully I won't be gone more than a few days."

"Well, with the work you've done, I should be fine to work the forge single-handedly for a few days. Good luck, son." He nodded at me, then returned to working the forge.

"Thank you. Hopefully I won't need it." I then returned to my work as well, finishing up several pieces for the various orders the townsfolk had for the two of us.


*****


"So I have everything set up with Steel Link to be gone for a few days. He seemed quite understanding." I shrugged my shoulders, then returned to eating my piece of deer.

Violet looked over at me, then nodded. "Good. I'm glad he didn't make a fuss."

I smiled "Well, I did play the 'I got tapped to help out the government' card. That tends to help with the whole 'I'm not going to be around for a little while' thing."

"I'd say." She smiled at me.

We finished up dinner, enjoying the natural flow of conversation that followed, then went to bed.
> Intriguing Striped Soulsss
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I woke up the next morning, feeling well rested. I looked over at Violet, and nudged her awake. "Violet, m'dear, it's time to get up." I said gently.

She moaned, and then turned over. You are way too much like me in my younger years, Violet. Feeling mischievous, I picked her up with a few flows of air, and carried her into the tub. I trailed a weave after myself as I slithered down to start the boiler and waited a minute for the water to barely begin to warm up. I turned the shower water on, and let the power go.

"Aaaaaaah! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cooooold!" I heard over the water. "Marty, you jerk!"

"Don't worry, Violet! The boiler should finish heating up the water quite quickly. I just wanted to make sure you got the blood flowing." I smirked at this.

She yelled back over the water. "I might make your blood flow!"

Yeesh, she is not a morning person in the slightest. I then proceeded to clean up around the house a little while she finished up her shower. Some time passed before I heard the water shut off, and she started to clip-clop down the hall. "I'm glad you enjoyed your shower, Violet." I had a very fake innocent look on my face, and I started to whistle.

She looked over at me, and if looks could kill, I'd have died right then. "I hope you slither through dog crap." She said as she turned towards the kitchen.

"Love you too, Violet." I climbed into the shower, and cleaned myself off quickly. Channeling myself dry, I dressed in my armor and headed to get some breakfast.

While I was eating, I began to look over the map to figure out a place that was unlikely to be inhabited by anything sentient. A couple minutes of searching, and what appeared to be a salt flat about twenty klicks outside of Mustang showed itself to be a wonderful traveling ground. Nowhere near a road, and not likely to be on any flight routes to boot.

"Alright Vi, I'm going to head out. Now remember, if you hear three bell chimes emanating from the door, what does it mean?" I asked, completely serious.

"It means that there's an incoming gateway, and I need to get myself and any others away from the spot it emanates from." She said, eyes slightly wide.

"Good, you remember." My voice had taken on an emotionless quality as I took hold of the source. I bored a hole in the pattern, and slithered through the resulting gateway onto crusty ground. The salt flat I had made a gateway to was in the middle of a valley, and the crust broke beneath my weight.

I shut the gateway behind me, and began to patrol the area to learn it so I could gateway into the sky. After a bit of time had passed, I bore another hole, and created my hang-glider. I went through the gateway as fast as possible, then began to glide through the air towards Mustang.

The kilometers to the outskirts passed completely without incident, and I set down on the outskirts, flaring my glider back to act as an air-brake. I dismissed the glider, and slithered into town.

"HALT!" Was what I heard coming from my left. "What is your business in Mustang?" I heard again.

I looked, and saw a couple of pegasi in official armor. "This is merely a stopover on a longer trip. I hope to get some rest and a decent mug of ale." From a certain point of view, not a lie at all. After all, I did hope to rest and grab a mug, and what is life but a long trip?

The guards look at me, and then relax a little. "Enjoy your stay sir. Avoid the local brew."

I laugh, and then reply. "Thanks, and I will."

I slithered into town, and headed to the pub to try and listen in on the various conversations. I took a seat facing out into the bar. I began to place weaves that would overhear and record everything that was said at a specific table. As I placed each one, I saw an odd crew at one table. Two zebras, a prosthetic wearing diamond dog bitch, and a prosthetic wearing gryphoness.

What stood out about this group was that one of the zebras had a faint glow about him. Another ta’veren? I know Equestria seems to produce them at an accelerated rate, but two so seemingly close together? This is truly going to produce a tangled weave. I put an active eavesdropping weave on them, then waved a barmaid over.

"What do you have in the way of ale?" I asked the diamond dog female politely.

"We have many ale. Local and import, yes." She looked at me expectantly. 

"I'll take a mug of the import, then." I said in an even tone.

She quickly brought me my ale, which I started to drink. As I drank, I listened to both the conversation at the ta'veren's table, as well as the recordings from the other tables. Most of it was useless gossip, things about a gryphon causing problems, a 'myth' about a strange creature that resembled a hedgehog, and a diamond dog that had helped save a town. Probably useless information, but eh, who knows.

I sat there for some time, sipping at my ale, not really paying attention, when I heard "None of these mercs are worth a damn." They're looking for mercenaries? Now what would a strange company like that be interested in mercenaries for? I drained the remains of my ale, and began to slither over to their table.

I pulled back a chair, and looked at the four of them with a smile. “So I hear you’re hiring mercenaries. Care to let me in on what you need a merc for? Depending on the pay and the work, I might sign up.”

One of the zebras, whose stripes made him look like a clawed animal had worked over looked at me, then nodded and answered me. “Right. Rebuilding a town and fighting slavers. The pay is pretty poor and I really don’t feel like lying to you about it.”

The gryphoness next to him smirked at me, then added "He claims he owns an island. I think he's insane." She did her best to look aloof and not part of the band, yet part of it.

The dog nodded her head. "He owns the island." She shot the barest hint of a glare at the gryphoness, but didn't elaborate.

The zebra who hadn't said anything yet spoke in a understandable, but mixed up form of Zebrican. "<Snakes hate I. >"

I looked over at him, then replied in my best zebrican. "<I am sorry. My looks are not to my liking.>"

The two zebras looked at each other, then the gryphoness groaned. "Yeah, I don't speak that."

The first zebra, or clawed face, said "Of course you speak Zebrican. It fits perfectly." He rolled his eyes, then looked at his fellow zebra. "Told you I would find some nut in a bar looking for information in a bar. This place crawls on cliches." He shook his head at this.

The second zebra groaned in acceptance, annoyance, and perhaps confusion. "I think you are insane."

I piped up “He may very well be, but he’s crazy like a fox. This reality does exist upon the rules of theater. But that is neither here nor there.” I took ahold of the power, and weaved a ward against eavesdropping.  Claw face shifted as I did this, but I thought nothing of it. “I represent a group that may or may not have goals parallel to yours. Slavers have been particularly aggressive over the last few years, and the numbers of missing has increased dramatically.”

Claw face clenched his jaw, then said through his teeth "What. Did. You. Just. Do." He shut his eyes, then opened them again. "Who is in charge, and how would it benefit me?" He blinked, then continued on. "Also, I rolled a 17 for my interrogation check. What was the Dc?"

I was a little startled at this, but decided to humor him, after preparing a few weaves to kill him and his merry band if things went sour. “I made sure that we would not be overheard. Very few species can sense that, and only magically inclined ones that know what to feel for can detect anything. I am impressed that you even noticed.” I made a few more weaves to perhaps effect the rest of the pub and then continued on “The DC is a percentage roll, either a one or a one-hundred. But I will tell you this. My boss is only interested in stopping the slave trade, as am I.” I sighed, and took a couple of breaths. “This would benefit you in that you would get my services in wiping out the slavers. Assuming that your island isn’t populated by the equivalent of Manehatten in hostiles, I should be more than enough.”

Claw face rolled his eyes at something off in the distance, then focused his eyes earnestly on me. “So tell me... what does the word Uranium mean to you?”

I started at this, while the other zebra blathered off “You two are cut from the same insane cloth."

I decided to humor him, and answered “Uranium, an actinide on the periodic table. Atomic number of 92, or 92 protons. Has a fairly stable isotope of Uranium 238, which means the element is radioactive. Has multifarious uses, both destructive and constructive. Which begs the question, what does it mean to you?”

Claw face's eyes began to water up, and he started to breathe a little heavier. "Since ancient times, Uranite has been used as a glaze on pots and pottery. There might be a substantial amount left in the mines on my island. I wouldn't want anything bad to be done with it." He looked about nervously at his compatriots starting to lean in. "Can you make it so the rest of my group can't hear?"

I nodded, and rewove the ward around just the two of us. After I had done that, I put a minor illusion over the both of us so that the patrons surrounding us would see only a mouth lifting up and down, no regular lip movement. I had no desire for someone to start reading our lips. “Go ahead. They won’t be able to hear or read our lips.”

Claw face licked his lips, then started to speak. “Right. What do the words humans earth nations warfare Dungeons and dragon and wheel of time mean to you?” he babbled out like Pinkie Pie.

I was a little startled by all of this, though I was beginning to think he was human. "Humans are mortal primates, earth is what we are standing on, warfare is when a lot of people die over the misunderstandings of a few individuals, Dungeons and Dragons is a gaming system, and Wheel of Time is a genesis." I paused for a moment. "My genesis." I sighed. "Let me guess, you're a human, aren't you."

The tears were about to flow, if I'm any judge of pony-like eyes. He trembled, in what might have been excitement, or perhaps in fear. “If I wasn’t a guy, I would hug you, kiss you and probably try to sleep with you. And then ask for a lobotomy.” He seemed to relax a little after that, which may or may not have been forced.

A look of horror crossed his face for a moment, then he spoke. “I haven’t told the others about how I am secretly a bipedal creature that likes to eat meat and stuff.” He was babbling a little, but I let him continue. “So. Let me guess, you are a human, right? This isn’t some joke where you are secretly the god spider’s brother or something sent to send me further into insanity?”

I smiled inwardly at this, then answered his prior statements and questions. “I’ve done weirder things than all four of those, but I think we should be able to skip the lobotomy and the awkward kiss and sex. If you want, I’ll definitely hug you.” I took a breath, then continued on. “I was originally human, yes. But I think somewhere along my  long life I’ve moved somewhat beyond humanity. I mean, what kind of human dies over and over again, and makes similar relationships with creatures he’s met in the past? So am I human? I really don’t know anymore. I hope I still am.”

He nodded. “Right. You sounds like you are stuck in a ground hog day effect thing. The only thing that is really important is whether you have a spider inside of your head. I mean, I can’t be the only one, right?” His right eyelid twitched, and then he blinked multiple times.

I looked at him, slightly confused. “No, I can’t say I have a spider in my head. Well, at least this head. I’m sure one of my skulls I’ve left decorating the multiverse has a spider in it. Bad tendency to attract violent deaths. On a related note, that movie hasn’t been funny to me for a long time.”

The zebra started to laugh, almost hysterically. After calming down a little, he asked me "So... you don’t have a god in your head? And I can totally see where you are coming from, though the real question hasn’t been answered.” Oponn only communicates with me in Tel'aran'rhiod. That totally doesn't count as being in my head.

I leaned forward, curious. “Did you ever sleep with Captain Kirk or Picard?” A flicker of amusement went across the void. Now that was funny

"No, I can't say I have. I did sleep with Mary Sue once, though.” A bit of a lie, there. I think if I had run into her by that point I would've punted her out the nearest airlock. I had a fairly serious relationship with a woman from Orion though in one of the Trek universes.

The zebra gave off a quick bark of amusement, then asked me another question.  “Say... is your name something horribly cliche? I realize we haven’t exchanged names.”

I smiled softly. “The title I go by may seem cliche to you. I call myself Marty Stu.” The zebra died laughing, almost to the point of tears. "And what do you call yourself?"

He pointed a hoof at me after finally controlling himself again. “I’ll call you Gary.” He nodded. “And I call myself Ivan. Ivan the zebra.” He then started to point to each of his companions, introducing them in turn. 

He paused for a moment, then continued on “And my current title is Interspecial flirt according to Malice.” Must be the spider god in his head. I thought to myself. “What are your claims to fame in this timeline?”

I looked at him, then said  “You do know that you’re going to have to introduce us a second time. They still can’t hear us. As for my achievements, I’ve slaughtered a score of diamond dog slavers, healed a mare’s physical wounds, set free thirty slaves, made a filly laugh, and have become a village blacksmith. Oh, and have become an agent for an anti-slavery group.” I counted each accomplishment on my fingers.

The zebra nodded, then started to list his accomplishments “I feel a little put out, I don’t have quite the list. I took out a Shoggoth with a chunk of my soul and almost blew up a dragon with an epic bass drop.” He glared off to the side for a moment, then continued with “Oh yeah, and the spider thinks you are incredibly dangerous and has decided to shut up. Finally.”

I looked at him, so stunned I almost let go of the power. Concentrating again on the power, I finally tied off the eavesdropping ward. A little less strain for myself. “You killed a Lovecraftian monster, a creature that eats souls, with a piece of yours?! That’s impressive. And taking out any dragon is fairly impressive.” I took a deep breath, and let it out. “That spider is probably one of the wisest creatures I’ve come across in some time. My title is not just for show.” It unfortunately is not.

Ivan continued his end of the conversation. “I had this nifty little knife, right? It had a chunk of my soul in it, and apparently the shoggoth choked to death on it.  Yeah... Trust me. Wait, you probably know what it feels like to get eaten by a tar blob thing. Never mind.” He shook his head, then continued “At any rate, I felt like I was simultaneously  getting disintegrated and living at the same time. Fairly odd experience. Oh, and your services? I really don’t want you to swoop in and kill everyone, sorry. I just have this feeling that doing that might cause them to call down a few dragons to try and tac nuke my island. But... this group you speak of sounds interesting.” He looked like he was feigning interest, but I saw no harm in answering his question.

I answered honestly. “I’ve never had that experience, fortunately. I always committed suicide before something like that could happen. Lot less mess and got me out of there.” I blinked, then resumed speaking. “That’s fine by me. I don’t need to kill every slaver ever. Just the ones I find. Plus, I can’t be everywhere at once. I don’t think Violet would like for me to be gone that long anyways. Poor girl.” I thought back to earlier in the conversation, and decided to answer the question that had been so far unanswered. “Oh, and everyone around us is seeing us do muppet speak. It’s why we have a few people who are looking at us with a what the fuck type expression.”

Ivan looked at me curiously, and asked "Who is this Violet character?" He opened his satchel, like he was going to get something out. “And will this appear as a rubber hammer?” He asked.

“One of the ponies I freed from the slavers. Lot of unpleasant stuff... As for the hammer, go ahead and bring it out.” I wove together strands of fire, earth, and air to create the illusion that he was holding a rubber hammer in his mouth. What I saw underneath it was a fairly nice looking emerald. A faintly glowing emerald at that.

The zebra smiled widely at me. That doesn't look at all suspicious. “I haven’t been able to talk about anything in  so long!" Okay, definitely suspicious now. I inverted a shield weave over myself, just in case of a backstab. “Wait, this is a strain on you, right? Sorry about that. And please, I was a slave for a month or two. I know what they did with the ponies that weren’t the right kind for mining.” He shuddered after saying that. “Trust me, the soup was made of exactly what you think it was.” Cannibals, lovely.

I looked at him, then answered his concern. “It’s not a bad strain. Holding three illusion weaves isn’t too bad. Finally decided to tie off the eavesdropping wards. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to do this for hours on end, but I can. I’d just have a headache and feel like I ran for a half-marathon.” The inverted shield weave, on the other hand? I think I'll just tie that off too.

I saw him move his hoof to his glass, then pull it back. He muttered “Well. That sucks. I don’t even get to do the dramatic toast thing?” He shook his head. “Right, when I retake Rej, you are always welcome. Heck, if you are willing put up with a minor case of interdimensional Tetanus, you could hitch a ride on my ship.” I saw what seemed to be a small interlude in his head. “Say, what sort of drunk are you?” He asked, out of the blue.

“The kind that can’t remember shit. Also, the type that gets pregnant.” I smiled mysteriously at this statement.

He looked at me, startled. “Geez, where are you from, Kentucky? When I get Drunk I start musical numbers. I think. That might’ve just been Canary.” He nudged the mentioned zebra, who jumped.

Another bit of amusement flashed past the void. “Tennessee, actually. And I was a woman at the time.”

He smiled. “So... what is a period actually like?”

“Depends on the period. Mild to heavy pain in the groin, a constant feeling of wetness, like you haven’t wiped and had some really thick pea.  Also, random bits of pain other places in your body. My marefriend nuzzled against my breast while I was menstruating once and I about screamed it hurt so bad. And this from the guy who’s died almost every way possible.” He might have been feigning interest at this point, but he opened the Martynomicon, so he gets to deal with the consequences. “And childbirth, oh god, childbirth. It was like a kidney stone the size of a boulder that lasted for seemingly years... Though that might’ve been because I had a centaur kid.”

He looked a little awkward at that statement, then said “Wow. I have so many really awkward question that would probably be grounds for you to kill me just for asking. So... I’m not going to ask them.” He smiled, then asked me another question. “It is so great to actually talk to someone who understands. Say, are there any other humans?” He immediately froze after this statement.

“And you’ve just made me intensely curious as to what your questions would be, but oh well. I have my suspicions about one person I’ve met, but no confirmation yet. They’re also a ta’veren.” I decided being candid would not hurt either myself or Missy. Just because they showed up in their dream as part human and part cow does not necessarily mean they are definitely a human. I would need confirmation from the 'cows' mouth to be sure.

“I might as well open my island to all humans and force their toll to be adequate conversation.” He blinked twice. “Also, I plan on making bass cannons. Literally, cannons that play bass at an intolerable frequency for dogs and the like. Would that work on you?” He looked at me a moment, trying to focus. “Wait... Ta’veren? I’m a...?”

I smirked at him.  “Yes you are. Considering how dim you’re glowing, though, not a particularly powerful one. Don’t feel bad, I don’t come across powerful ta’veren all that often... Well, except for the Equestrias I’ve been in. The Elements of Harmony have almost blinded me before they’re so bright. Still doesn’t save them.” A bit of sadness crossed the void as I thought about that last statement.

He looked slightly shocked. “Oh. Uh... I’m ok with not being that powerful, that will let me rob a few casinos, right?” He smiled again. “Dude. I got a weaving spider in my head and I am a corrector for the threads of fate. I think I just acquired confidence.”

I gave him a bittersweet look. “Well, you might get lucky, but I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m also a minor ta’veren. And I die a lot. I think I get dragged along to interesting events by it mostly. Also, a few lucky breaks, but those aren’t particularly often. It’s not a license that means you can get away with anything, it just means you might have a few more things go right for you... and a few more things go horribly wrong.”

He nodded sagely. “That would explain how my life here has gone so far. Get thrown into slavery, acquire island. Take over a dragon’s mind by accidently it, have dragon get eaten by a shoggoth.” He has a moment of revelation at that last statement. “Oh. Oh holy hell.” I looked at him, puzzled. “If you keep looping infinitely you are going to end up sleeping with everything.” He closed his eyes. “Geez, where did that thought come from?”

I looked at him sympathetically. “Probably the random side that all of us creatures with free will have. I doubt I’ll end up sleeping with everything, though. I’m not attracted to males at all, and that’s stayed true for thirty-two plus thousand years, and I doubt it will change anytime soon. And if you’re wondering how I had a kid, it was from a spell cast by my marefriend.”

"Good.  Very good. When I heard your name I thought of fanfiction and then yaoi and then horrible things happened and working with you when I had that idea would be horrible and why am I still talking.” He was babbling, which I really didn't care if he was babbling or not.

“You’ve probably been under a lot of stress, and you’ve been holding a lot back from your compatriots. Now that you’re with someone who isn’t likely to call you insane, and has probably been where you are, you’re just letting the brain to mouth filter de-stress.” I smiled and continued to talk. “This is all the musings of my amateur psychotherapy talking. I don’t think I’m a horrible therapist, but I’m way too likely to become emotionally involved with those I’m helping in one way or another.”

Ivan scratched the back of his head, then answered my last statement. “Right. I actually dabbled a bit in the social theories myself back home, but I’ve forgotten most of them. I’ll go see someone more qualified eventually. So... this organization thing helps to stop the slave trade?”

I nodded. “Yes. Myself and others collect information on different slave groups. We send it back to our analysts, they interpret the data, and then I go and smash and slaughter the group to an individual, then rescue the slaves. I’d go after the diamond dog tribes, but I’d rather not commit complete genocide.” Not a lie, but something that could end up happening. And I truly don't want to commit genocide... again.

Ivan frowned. “Sounds... inefficient. The killing part I mean. Why don’t you just slap some sort of inhibitor over the place and disable all of the dogs? Use them for experimentation or something? If you are going to kill them, at least use them a bit before you waste them.” I frowned at this, and a flare of weird emotion flared over the void. “I have this idea, see. Dogs cannot stand certain pitches, heck, most of the predators cannot stand certain pitches. If we were to  drop a mass of magic configured to create massive bass, we could just disable them en masse.”

I nodded. “That could certainly work, and I’ll bring it up to my boss if we decide to go after some of the slaver tribes. As for using them for something, if we’re going to kill them, we kill them. Unless someone harms someone I care about, I always give them as quick and painless a death as possible. Let’s just say those I’ve killed for hurting those I care about, they lived for a long time screaming. I’m not quite Semirhage, but I’m good at it.” If he's read the books, then he knows what I'm talking about.

He looks just a little uncomfortable, then talks on. “Fine... Yeah, Bass bombs. So how many times has someone you cared about been hurt?

I felt it was a bit personal, but I don't mind telling people if it intimidates them into not trying shit. “When it was on purpose, and true harm? One-hundred and twelve times. My record for keeping them alive while making sure they spent every waking moment screaming? Three years and twenty-eight days. I don’t punish accidents, though.” Many of those where multiple individuals at a time. The slaver band that absconded with Meliel and Salice comes to mind as prime examples.

He winced, and looked off to the side. “Remind me to never piss you off. Anything I need to watch out for so you don’t end up burying anything I don’t like in me?”

Honesty for this is the best policy. “Don’t become a slaver, rapist, or child abuser. I’m generally pretty forgiving of murder, considering it would be beyond hypocritical of me to judge someone for murder outside of me becoming some sort of justice dispensing official of some sort.”

Ivan nodded. “I’ll assume inhumane experimentation falls under things you disapprove of and humbly offer to do something in exchange for your word that in the event that you flip out and start killing everyone that you give me a warning and a hug.”

“Well, my flipping out generally comes with a few warning signs. My voice becomes as cold as the depths of space, and I ask questions that should set off a few warning bells in someone intelligent.” I sighed. “And yes, I don’t like inhumane experimentation. It tends to create abominations that I end up having to kill.” I looked at him levelly. “Believe it or not, I don’t like killing. I count the lifetimes where I’ve not had to kill anything as my happiest. Seven to eight-hundred years of comparative peace. Those are wonderful, and have only happened to me three times.”

“So if I come across another starspawned horror, can I point it your way? I already had part of my soul eaten this month, I’d rather not have to deal with another part. Also, any attempts on how to deal with a semi insane thing in your head that likes to rift through your memories to use them against you?” He giggled. “I’ve been nodding entirely too much. Does anything throw you for a loop?”

I shivered slightly at the mention of the shoggoth. “I can deal with it, but I’d rather not have it happen in the first place. Extra-dimensional beings have been known to mess with my weaves, and I almost broke a reality just using a small thread of balefire on one of the elder gods. I couldn’t channel for a month the balescream was so bad.” I paused for a moment, before answering the rest of his question. “Most of the time creatures trying to invade your mind come in through your dreams, and since I always ward mine, I don’t have that problem. However, I might have a way to help.” I lifted my hands up again, and started to count off ways to help him out. “One, meditation. Meditation helps you focus, and focus can help you set up mental barriers at the very least. Two, challenge it. Are you aware of the graphic novel ‘The Sandman’?”

He shook his head. “Not at all. I never really read any comic besides spiderman.” He held up a hoof, then continued on. “Sure, laugh at the irony. Never really touched other series. And... how do you propose I meditate? Stare at Catastrophe until she decides that it is harassment and brains me?“

I shook my head.  “That’s not so much meditation as it is ogling. No, meditation is a process of blocking out every extraneous thing, till you come to the object or problem you need to focus on. You ignore the room around you, your ignore what is on or near your body, and then you ignore your body, coming totally to your mind. Then you cut away at each extraneous thought, until you reach a point of perfect focus. And no, you can’t do all of this on the first try. Meditation is as much a learned skill as anything else. That point of perfect focus, you can use it to defend a point in your mind, and potentially the entirety of it. It’s not a perfect defense, and a creature with strong enough willpower can break through just the point, which brings us to challenge. If you know your brain is being invaded, you might be able to convince them to play a mental game for control of your mind."

“The game is known as ‘I assert reality’ and you make an attack and defense along certain lines. The classic Sandman gambit starts off with the attacker beginning as a wolf, cunning and strong. The counter was a lancer riding a horse, killing the wolf from a distance. The riposte was a horsefly to throw the rider, and so on and so forth. And that’s just one of the mental games you can play. Mental combat can be just that, combat, where imagination and willpower are what determines the winner.” I finally finished my probably useless statements, noting the semi-glazed expression on his zebra face.

He looked at me, then asked  “How much do you think it would hurt if I ordered a steak right now?” Heh, a pony-like that wanted to eat meat. “Ok, you can drop the whole illusion thing.”

I asked him quickly “Probably wouldn’t hurt. And I’ll be glad to finally drop the illusion, drop all the eavesdropping wards too?” I didn't mention the shield, I was going to leave that tied off until I left.

Ivan smiled widely. “Yes. I have a job offer for you.”

I undid all my other weaves, and let go of the source. I sighed in relief, having finally let go of the source. “And what is that, pray tell?”

He looked at me. “I have to inform my companions first.” He then looked at his friends. "Hey."

Boss groaned. “Have you finally stopped talking stupid? I think we’ve been here waiting an hour for you to finally hire this guy.” Ivan looked momentarily confused.

Canary then asked “And where did the hammer come from? It’s... felt...” His voice dropped almost below my ability to hear. “I’m catching your insanity, aren’t I?”

Catastrophe shook her head. “Just. I... Tell me you are still planning on paying me, right?

Ivan looked at me. “Gary, I would like to hire you to write to me when you discover other humans or something like that. In exchange, I will grant you the ability to use my island as a refuge place.

“I think that can be arranged, but you should probably introduce me to your compatriots before we finalize the deal.” I said with a smile.

He blinked. “Oh yeah. Right, guys. This is Gary, though his proper name is Marty. I am going to call him Gary because Marty reminds me of hoverboards. He is... a cool guy and he will be writing us about things of interest.” He nodded at me.

Canary stared at me and shivered. “Still a snake.” He rolled his eyes. “Can’t trust snakes.”

Boss glared at the zebra. “Why do all of you have such ridiculous hatred for something?”

Catastrophe blinked. “What do I hate?”

Boss nodded at her. “Ivan. You hate Ivan, remember?”

The griffon nodded. “Right. I kinda forgot about that when he showed me all of those gems. And gave me full permission to pilot the ship.”

Ivan cleared his throat. “Say hello to Gary?”

They looked at me for a moment. “Ok. He still looks more trustworthy than you do, so he can’t be that bad.” Canary mumbles.

Ivan glowered. “Come on! I can count on one ha-” He paused. “I can count on 4 hooves the amount of times I’ve let you guys down.” It didn’t seem as impressive as he intended. He turned back to me. “Right, you’ll write me? How will we deliver the letter. “ He paused. “What did Twilight... Sprinkle was it? Use? A drake or something? Do any of us have a dragon?”

I laughed from my belly. “That’s the best screw-up of her name I’ve ever heard. Twilight SPARKLE has a dragon that can send letters through fire. As for how to contact me? My home is in Coltogne, and I’m probably the only Marty on the planet. As for how me contacting you, perhaps you could set up a post office box somewhere. Or I could just show up in your dreams.” I gave Ivan a wicked smile.

The zebra didn’t flinch, but looks confused. “Are you sure it’s Sparkle? Twilight Sparkle sounds like a term a sex offender uses.” He crouched over the table.” Hey Girl, you wanna see my Twilight Sparkle? It’ll be loads of fun...” He burst out into tired laughter. “And seriously, I don’t read Stephanie Meyers. Doesn’t she like... have a friend or something that breaks the sound barrier? I think I read something about that once. Also, be careful about my dreams. You might end up stumbling across something the spider decides to use and end up in a weird as hell Bondage scene. The spider likes bondage.”

Canary swirled his hoof around his ear in the classic display of, ‘Yeah, he is insane.’. “Can I have anit insanity? Waiter? Where is my medicine?”

Boss just stared at Ivan and myself, switching her gaze between us. “...” She grunted.

I shrugged. “Eh, can’t be all that weird. I’ve lived through porn cliche world. Now that was a weird place. And what does that over-hyped series of books have to do with one of the elements of harmony? Besides a similar name that is.” I took a sip of my drink, then continued. “Her friend did break the sound barrier with only using gravitational assistance. Her name’s Rainbow Dash, probably one of the most arrogant mares you’ll ever meet.” And one of the most wonderful I’ve ever met.

He nodded. “I’m just saying, there was a dragon involved and I think Lucifer. As a girl. Lucifer was a girl and all spidery.” His right eye twitched.

The gryphoness turned away from me. “Right. So... snake freak is writing us now about interesting things.” She let out a huff.

Ivan leans in close to me and whispered. “She only really likes driving things.  If you know what I mean...” He giggled perversely.

Boss blinked. “Right. I’m not even going to touch that.”

Catastrophe grabbed a fork off of the table. “Hm... Should I sterilize these before I castrate you?” She brought the prongs over the fire to burn off any food.

Ivan nodded. “Right. I was making a joke. Relax, even though I’m pretty sure you’d be the dominant in a relationship, I’m not a sub. We would clash horribly.” He looked pretty exhausted.

“And that’s why I tend to date ponies. Most of them just don’t have a dominant personality. At least in bed. Not having to compete for who’s taking charge in bed is nice and simple.” I ignored everything else, not wanting to get myself involved in anything.

“Ponies, as a rule, are boring.” Catastrophe stated. “They are always screaming about something no matter what you do.” She took on a few other voices to simulate a pony.” We need to take this slower!  Please stop eating my leg! Beak jobs are a bad idea! I don’t want to get you pregnant.” She sighed. “I go through relationships like I go through ships. With lots of breaking of the other party and a few easily replaceable losses on my part.”

Boss blinked. “Wow. That was sort of poetic.”

I raised my dermal ridge. “You want her for a pilot? You might consider investing in parachutes.”

Ivan’s gaze hovered over her. “She’s perfect.” He mumbled, lovestruck.

Canary snickered. “Masochistic wing fetisher. You need help.”

Boss rolled her eyes. “Why are all of you so driven by hormones? And yes, I am  aware of the irony.”

Catastrophe growled at Ivan. “You better not think about replacing me or I’ll replace the fuel with your face.”

I smiled at that statement. “It’s as much companionship as anything else. My mind is made to be around others, and sex is a natural consequence of being around others. Plus it feels good.”

Ivan nodded. “Yeah. I’m a virgin.” He coughed lightly.

Canary raised a hoof in the air. “Me as well, though I had an opportunity to be a sex slave back in the mines.”

Boss looked at both of them. “I’m sterile and considered undesirable by other diamond dogs because I do too much talking and not enough humping.”

Catastrophe snorted. “Yeah. I’m far less than a virgin. Maybe a virgin to an actual relationship.” She glared at me. “And for the record, I can fly a ship perfectly fine. The only reason I crash ships is when the owners of the ships decide to not pay me or try to force me to do something I don’t want to.” She huffed, then tore off a portion of red meat. “Wanna see something funny?” She smirked at me sardonically.

“Besides the look you’re giving me? Sure.” I cleared my sword in my sheath, just in case I had pissed off the gryphoness enough to come after me.

She dangled the bit of meat above Ivan’s head, which he stared at, his head turned to the side.. He looked to be supremely concentrated on the sliver of meat. Catastrophe waved it around and his gaze followed.

Boss rolled her eyes. “Will you cut it out? Last time we let him eat meat he ended up throwing up half the night.”

Canary patted Ivan’s shoulder. “We aren’t made to eat meat.”

Catastrophe dangled it a bit longer before eating it in front of him. The look of disappointment of Ivan’s face amused the gryphoness greatly.

“So the herbivore wants to be carnivorous, and the carnivore wants to be omnivorous. Truly this reality has a wry sense of humor.” I said with a slight smile.

Ivan glared at the table. “I really wish I could still eat meat. I mean, I have to live without bacon and jerky and steak and fried chicken and pretty much everything that I ate back home.. I never really ate right back home, if you know what I mean. Far too much meat, not enough everything else. And my tastes were not magically changed, unlike my body. I’m working on a way around that, though.” He nodded.

Catastrophe snickered.

Boss rolled her eyes again. “The masochist likes the sadist. Great. If they ever get together I expect Ivan will be collared.”

Ivan looked at all of them. “I am not a masochist!” He stated emphatically.

Canary shrugged. “But you are attracted to a fairly sadistic griffon.”

Catastrophe growled. “Yeah? I’ve had lots of beings attracted to me. Bunch of whiners.”.

I laughed “You have even more things attracted to you now. Like magnets.”

There was a table wide groan at the pun. “Yeesh.” Ivan complains. “Warn us before you say stuff like that.”

The gryphoness smirked. “You’d be surprised just how many creatures thinks the metal is hot...”

I smiled. “I know of a lot of folks who have a fetish for piercings, and what is a prosthetic but an extreme piercing?”

Catastrophe pointed at me. “He shall have rum if we ever get any.”

Ivan groaned. “I should’ve named the ship Plague.” He shook his head. “Oh well, too late now.”

I stated “While you could always rename it, that’s just asking for bad luck. And the way you were talking, you have enough already.”

Ivan grunted. “You could say that...” He shook his head. “Really, I’m just glad that I’m alive, you know? It’s like... I was never the nicest guy, right? But here, it doesn’t matter. I have magic... and adventure...” He was torn between words. “I just...”

Canary looked at him. “Seriously, where did you come from?”

Boss nodded. “I found him on the shore of the volcanic wastes and took him to Rej to try and get a few gems.”

Catastrophe shrugged. “I feel left out of this conversation and all around bored.”

Ivan gritted his teeth. “Uh...” He looked at me. “I don’t really remember much?” He shook his head. “I mean, that wasn’t supposed to be a question. I don’t remember much at all.”

I looked over at Catastrophe, and said “Don’t feel bad, I’ve been around plenty of conversations that I’ve been a complete and utter ancillary to.”

Catastrophe shrugged. “I feel out of place in this more ‘civilized’ world.” She sneered out the word.

Canary shrugged. “It just feels good to actually sit on something designed to be sat on. Cave floors got old.”

Ivan licked his lips. “So... your boss. Can I have a meeting with him before I decide to join you?”

I thought about it for a moment. “I think she would be amenable to meeting you, but I think she would insist on some security.” I mentally facepalmed. I just gave away that Missy is a female. Oh well, not too big a deal. Seems like three-quarters of this world is female.

He blinked. “Figured it go for the anti cliche and be male, but maybe Equestria has that reversed? Or maybe she is secretly a male?” If what I saw in her dream is anything to go by, you are quite close to the truth.

Catastrophe blinked. “Right. We need to decrazify him eventually.”

I looked at Catastrophe. “I might be able to do something about that. I’m fairly skilled at healing things, and a mind is just another part of a body. Granted, it’s the most important part, but it’s still just a part.”

Ivan tensed and smiled, though it looked forced. “Um. No. I’m just a little stressed out, just like you said. I’m going to need a break after this.”

I looked at Ivan levelly. “No pressure, was merely making the offer. But back on topic, I will contact my boss with that offer, and she’ll possibly get back to you.

He smiled. “Right. And then, after that, I can get some rest.”

Boss cleared her throat. “Recruit anything we can that won’t try to stab us in the back and then return to Rej.”

Canary nodded. “Find a way to keep a standing militia.”

Boss smiled. “Find a way to keep supplies coming in until we can grow our own.”

Ivan slumped against the table and groaned.

“Finding a way to allow for long-distance communication and summon back-up” I stated evenly.

He glared at me. “Stop giving them ideas. Even though I should do all of that.”

Catastrophe snickered. “I’ll get to watch him squirm.”

I looked at Catastrophe “Isn’t that an everyday occurrence for you?”

She nodded. “I’ve only known him for a few days though. He’s been acting funny for all of them.”

“Oh, and what do you consider funny?” I looked at her, curious.

Boss spoke for her. “He’s never really been one to randomly do something, or really be a fan of much. But... He’s been acting oddly.”

Ivan poked his head up. “I’m a little tired out. Please, I’m ok.”

I nodded. “Fatigue makes you do odd things. I’ve been known to sing random ditties, or talk.. to inanimate objects when I’m really tired.” I don’t think I want them to know  I used to have feet. Talking to your shoes probably means you’re nuts anyways.

Ivan looked at me. “Yeah. What he said.” He slumped back against the table.

The conversation died, and we sat around for a bit. I looked outside, and saw that it was close to the end of the day. If I was going to get a message to Missy in timely manner, I would have to leave now. "I'm sorry to say this folks, but I need to take my leave of you now If I'm going to get my message to my boss on time. Do you want me to add in anything specific?" I said to Ivan, who seemed to be the leader of the bunch.

He looked at me, then nodded. "Yes, tell her 'Alea iacta est'."

I laughed at this, then got up to leave. I quickly undid the shield weave, then got out the door. I began to familiarize myself with the town, and found an alleyway that couldn't be easily observed. I quickly made the signal, waited for five minutes, then made a gateway to my home.

I created an illusion over the gateway from the Mustang side, then walked through. Once through, I created a wall of air in the middle of the gateway, and tied it off. I then created another illusion over the Coltogne side of the gateway to cover it up from any visitors we might get.

"Violet! I'm home... for a bit." I called out into the house.

Violet walked out of the kitchen. "Hey Marty, you're back early. No luck?"

"Well, I got a small piece of luck, and I need to get a letter to Missy, and stat. We do have overnight post, right?"

She looked at, me then sighed. "Well, yes, but it costs the earth."

"Oh well, I don't really have a need for money, and I imagine I can get Missy to repay me if it's too expensive." I then left the house to scramble to the town postal service.

A blue and white pegasus stallion was manning Or is that ponying? the counter when I slithered in. "Yes *puff* I'd like to *puff* overnight a letter to Canterlot. How *puff* much?" I had to calm down my breathing, but that wouldn't be too hard.

"That's fifty bits, for overnight to Canterlot." He flexed his wings in disdain

I looked at him, stunned. "Fifty. Bits. For just to Canterlot?!"

"Be glad it isn't to Los Pegasus. That's one hundred bits." I looked at his cutie mark, trying to see if it was a possible symbol for price gouging. It was a winged package, so that was a no-go.

"Here, take the money. I need you to take this asap. It's for a government official." I gave him the money, but was not happy in the slightest.

"For the government?!" He looked startled. "For government work, it's heavily discounted, sir. Fifteen bits." He hoofed back the now extraneous bits. "We'll get this sent out right away."

"Thank you." I slithered out the door, and back to the house I shared with Violet.

We had a quiet remainder of the day, peacefully going to bed that evening.


*****


We woke up the next morning, and went through our regular morning routine. I went back through the gateway, and shut it behind me.

I slithered back to the pub where I had met Ivan the day before. I met him in the bar, and noted how he reacted to me. Plastered a fairly obviously fake grin to his face. "You're in luck. I got you a meeting with my boss."

He looked a little green at this statement, but decided to ask "When?"

I had seen the airship coming in over the horizon, so I decided to tease him. "Today."


*****


The airship took a bit to arrive, and when they did, I stood off to the side, to make sure that they didn't try and murder each other.

The maddeningly stoic met annoyingly manic, and I just sat off to the side trying to not get drawn into the conversation. The two of them came to their own agreements, then set out. I was decently happy to finally be done with the lot, and didn't quite feel like going home yet. I feel like going gliding for the hell of it.


*****



Author's Notes


This has been a crossover with 7-4 and his work A Broken Peace. I hope you enjoy.
> Ashesss and Revelationsss
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	As Missy's airship flew off towards Canterlot, and Ivan's flew off towards places unknown, I took off in a third direction altogether. I was hoping that the freedom of gliding would allow me to calm down. I'm not normally stressed, but the tension that I felt off of Ivan and Missy was palpable, and wound me up.

I took to the sky, and followed one of the roads that lead away from Mustang.

I glided for a couple of hours, occasionally using a thermal to regain height. Random thoughts passed through my head. What color is changeling blood in this reality? What is the perfect knock-knock joke? Does such a thing even exist? Should I ask Violet if she wants to become more than a roommate and teddy bear? Do I want her to become more than that? When should I go see the princesses? Should I make a pilgrimage to Ponyville? What is that column of noxious smoke?

Wait. Column of noxious smoke? Approximately a half hours gliding away from me a pillar of black smoke rose into the sky. I think I'll go check that out.

I put every bit of momentum I could into getting to that cloud of smoke all the quicker. I saw a slightly faster rush of desert scrub and rock move past me. Okay, why bother with just gliding? Oh right, duh. Skimming might cut someone in half, and it's not like this fire is necessarily a bad thing. Someone might just be burning some trash.

I come into view of the blaze not too long afterwards. Someone was burning trash all right. A trashed caravan. And oh look, diamond dog corpses. Definitely part of a trash burning. I dove down to see if I might spot potential survivors. Not. I got to the ground, and flared my glider back to land. I seized the source, and began to start killing the flames, to see what all was left. I checked each of the bodies, and found no survivors. I then began to search the flaming wagons.

I checked each of the wagons, and at most found diamond dog bodies. Huh, wonder why someone attacked this caravan? I don't see any bodies besides the diamond dogs, and they all seem to be defenders or ...traders. Huh, imagine that. Diamond dog traders. Anyways, time to search the rest of these wagons. Each beam I pulled off showed some new bit of evidence that this had been the work of bandits.

I found overturned baskets, remnants of bolts of cloth, and fragments of gems. Aside from what looked to be some broken spears and crossbow bolts, I found no weapons. I then found an oddity amongst the covered wagon type caravan this had been. A charred box wagon that had fallen through its axles, the wheels propped against the sides. A further oddity was the barred door on the wagon.

I shrugged my shoulders, and used my gauntlet-wearing hand to remove the bar. A rush of smoke escaped from the wagon. I backed away to let the smoke escape, choking on it a bit. Nice thing about being a blacksmith is that smoke doesn't bother me quite as much as other people. After a couple of minutes, I was able to see the inside of the wagon.

At first, I could see nothing, but as my eyes became used to the dimness of the interior, my face fell. Five diamond dog females littered the floor, pressed up against the back wall. They were trying to escape the flames! As I got closer, I could clearly see that two of the heat-tortured corpses had been pregnant! Why? Why? Why?Why?! Why can't I ever save them? Why? I was breathing hard, and tears had started to trickle down my snakish face. Breathing hard, I sobbed into my gauntlets.

My tears splashed all over the heartstone of my gauntlets and vambraces, finding cracks to land on my scales. I stood there in that wagon, crying over the bodies of mothers and unborn children for what felt like hours. I slowly stopped my tears, and came to a hard felt decision. I was going to give them an appropriate ceremony, a decent appreciation for the dead.

I started my labor by doing my best to drag their bodies from the destroyed wagon to a spot where I could prepare all of the bodies. As I was dragging the first body out, I noticed that they had been over top of a few infant whelps. Those fuckers had the gall to kill children, too? I would have raged, but my emotional state was such that nothing came.

I looked up, to see how much daylight I had left to finish my task. I saw that it was about three in the afternoon, which meant that I only had so long to set the bodies in state, as well as turn the wagons into appropriate pyres.


*****


Just as the sun was setting, I'd finally finished setting all of the bodies in state. Moving fifty-four bodies, and placing them in state is not easy. Luckily for me, neither rigor mortis or the stench from a dead body had set in yet. I set up my camp, warded my general area, then placed a keeping over the bodies to keep the stench away.

I ate dinner quietly, then went to bed. Whatever dreams I would have, I would consider penance for not being fast enough to save this band of traders.


*****


I found myself as a pegasus, trotting up to Celestia's palace. As I got closer, I noticed that I could no longer channel, but thought nothing of it. I walked past various ponies, and heard them talking to themselves. "Has anypony seen Princess Luna lately?" "Firebox, has anypony seen him?" "Marachette, anypony seen her?" "Where is Chivalric Emblem? He said he was going to the palace?" On and on, I heard various ponies asking after missing loved ones.

I got to the door guards in front of Celestia's throne room, and introduced myself as Curled Operator. They noted my appointment on the list, and sent me in. I walked respectfully before the throne, and bowed low before Princess Celestia. "Milady, I have come to beg your aid in a matter of great importance."

"Oh? And what is that, my subject?" She asked gracefully.

"Ponies have been disappearing, of late. Your esteemed sister is among the missing. I humbly entreat you for your assistance in any way that you see fit." I still had my eyes to the floor.

"I see. Curled Operator, was it?" She said, in a slightly odd tone.

"Yes, milady. That is my name." I was getting confused, and so looked up at her. "Why do you ask, your excellency?"

"I am curious, Curled. Do you like bananas?"

I sat back on my haunches, really confused now. "I do, milady, but what does that have to do with the missing ponies?"

She smiled a cruel, insane smile at me. "That's good, because you will go bananas where I'm going to send you." She pressed a switch on the wall with her magic, releasing a catch on a trap door underneath me, and landing me in the barrel of a cannon.

I heard the press of another button, and felt the cannon raise up, and tilt. "Have fun going bananas, ON THE MOOOOON!" With this, the cannon fired.

I flew up and out of the cannon, headed towards what looked to be the upper atmosphere. "CELESTIA! YOU BIIIIIIITCH!

As I flew upwards, the lack of air began to get me, and I started to asphyxiate. I also started to heat up. As I passed out, I felt my body go up in flames.


*****


I woke up the next morning, and thought back over my dream. Huh, that was fairly pleasant as far as my dreams go. I set about taking down my camp, and eating breakfast. I then start the arduous process of turning the caravan into a suitable pyre for forty-three adults, six adolescents, and five infants. Each hunk of wood I stacked, or drug, or moved with the power, until I finally had gotten the pyre built.

I then moved each body into place, gently placing them with the power. I took off my keeping from each body, making sure that each was in a respectful position.

"I am sorry that I was not in time to stop your killers. You did not deserve this, and you shall be avenged. This I swear." I drew my sword, and saluted the sun, then began to channel multiple weaves of fire.

Each part of the pyre went up at once, like it had been dipped in oil. I increased the heat of the fire, enough that I had to shield myself from the heat. The bodies turned into ashes, the bones splintering in the heat. Though it was tiring, I kept the fire hot until all that I could see was a mixture of glass and ash.

I then turned to the trail that I had found yesterday, which was partly cold by this point. I took a swig from my emptying canteen, then headed for the skies.

I flew low enough that I could keep the trail in sight, but not so low that I would be forced to land so as to not obscure the trail. I kept at it until the end of daylight. Rather than risk overshooting them, or letting them know that they were being followed, I did my normal camp routine for the evening, going to sleep again.


*****


I stood next to the viewport of the Dauntless class cruiser Leviath, looking down at the hive world Akhelium. A planet of half a trillion, and the holder of my leash had decreed it was to die.

The foul follower of chaos undivided, Inquisitor Herakstrom, had found me in a bar, unafraid of his badge or authority, but willing to work for him all the same. That is, until he broke into my mind, and found my memories of destroying a planet. He bound all but a portion of my will to his sorcerous ways, and had been using me as a weapon ever since.

Now we waited in orbit until my leash holder commanded me to destroy the planet beneath us.

Destroy it, slave. Break the back of that world. Let none survive! The Inquisitor's nasally voice came through my mind.

I looked down at the world, the one part of my mind still mine in tears, and took hold of the source. I began making gateways into the planets core that lead into space, then tying them off. First one, then three, then a dozen were made, all ejecting the molten material of the planets core.

The planet below began to seemingly shrink, wisps of atmosphere breaking off as the gravity of the planet changed. The planet beneath began to implode under the weight of its own crust. Several ships tried to escape their planet's demise, but the Leviath destroyed them before they made the warp.

Through it all, my mind is screaming, as I began to fade...


*****


I woke up, tense from the nightmare from the night before. Two minor nightmares in a row? Oponn really is looking out for me. I thought sarcastically. Anyways, on to catching those killers. I quickly ate and broke camp, readying myself to go hunting for my prey.

I took off, and examined the terrain. Up ahead, I noticed that there was an earth pony laying with a spear next to a cliffside, who was playing with some rocks. Not wanting to spook him, I landed well back of him, and started to slither up behind him. I took great care that my coils didn't move any loose rocks. Thinking about it for a moment, I wove an eavesdropping ward about my lower half, to keep the noise from moving to nil.

I got up to the pony, and lowered myself to the ground, ready to pounce. I coiled up my various rib and vertebral muscles, and then sprung my lower body onto the pony. I wrapped both hands about his muzzle, then brought all of my coils about his body as quickly as possible, rendering him immobile.

"Hello there, little one." The pony's eyes had grown with terror. "I have a few questions for you, and your answers will determine how I treat you." His eyes somehow grew bigger. "I'll let you nod your answer. Up and down for yes, side to side for no."

He looked at me, and nodded his head yes. "Alright, first question. Are you a member of the group that attacked that caravan?" The terror in his eyes told me more than his nod of yes. "Well that was easy. For my next question, is the rest of your group in the cave over there that I just now noticed?" His eyes had flickered to the side, and I had followed them. He nodded his head yes, again. "Are all of your friends inside that cave?" He signaled that yes, they were all in the cave. "Now, for my final question. Do you want to die now? Or with your friends? No for now, yes for with your friends."

He nodded his head no, and I jerked his head to the side, breaking his neck. His eyes dimmed, and a bit of blood seeped from the corner of his mouth. "Rest in hell, you bastard."

I slithered down the cliffs, and stood at the mouth of the cave. I checked over my armor, and yelled into the cave. "Hey murderous bastards! I killed the asshole on the cliff!" I heard a great deal of squabbling from within

I heard cries from within of "Kill the blighter!" "Put it's head on a pike!" and other assorted statements declaring a desire for my demise. Wanting to see my opponents fully, I turned tail and scurried down to the banks of a small stream. The bandits stirred from their hole, and saw my form standing next to the banks of the river.

Two gryphons took to the air, followed by a pegasus, and came at me like they were going to dive bomb me. A little bit out, I singed the feathers from their wings off, watching as they fell hard enough to break legs. "That's three down! How many more you got for me?"

A large collection of ground-bound ponies and other creatures came streaking down the hill at me, avoiding their now lamed friends. I saw six unicorns in the group, all with glowing horns and levitated weapons. I wove air to create near invisible blades at the bases of their horns. Six horns sheered off, along with a decent amount of blood.

The only threats I was worried about neutralized, I wrapped each of them, one by one, in flows of air, stopping them were they stood.

I looked my captives over, and was disgusted by the examples of the various Equestrian races shown. All of them were filthy, covered in muck. They smelled of sweat, blood, and feces, though that was partly because the unicorns had shit themselves when I cut off their horns. Though the thing that disgusted me the most was the presence of two diamond dogs amongst the bandits. I lifted them all into one group, and tied off all the weaves keeping them trapped.

"Don't you beasts worry, I'll return for you in a bit. I'm just going to make sure that you didn't leave anyone in that cave of yours. All of them started to protest that they were all that had been in that cave, and that there was nobody left. I flipped them off, then slithered towards the cave.

As I looked in, I saw that the cave was quite filthy. There was all sorts of detritus inside the cave, bits and pieces of food, thrown about game pieces, rusted armor, and other broken odds and ends. I slithered carefully through the mess, and found several wounded bandits. Each one that I found, I wrapped in flows of air and lifted to the front of the cave. I then got to the back part of the cave, where I found nothing.

I left the cave with the rest of the bandits in tow. I placed them next to their comrades. They sat, and looked up at me.

"I suppose all of you are wondering why I'm doing this." I said to the bandits. A few of them nodded, and I continued. "It was for killing that caravan of diamond dogs. And it wasn't because you killed the adults, but because you killed the young in a purposely horrible manner. That is why I came after you."

"As for why I came alone, I have lived longer than your civilizations. I have destroyed planets. I have killed trillions. You pitiful mortals, you committed one of my cardinal sins, and so you are going learn what happens to those who have pissed me off." I stare at them intently, hate playing across my features. "They die horribly."

I took hold of the power, and then began to weave together earth, air and fire, creating several bars less than a meter wide, and a little less than three meters tall. They emitted a high-pitched whining, and I had surrounded the bandits with them. I amplified my voice. "Make peace with your gods, as you will soon be meeting them!" I boomed across the valley.

All of them burst into tears, and started to beg for mercy. "Ask your gods for mercy, for I have none for you!" I added a touch of air to all twelve of the bars, and they blossomed into a flower of death. Flames gouted from each of the bars to a total size of ten meters across. Smoke flew from the area inside, and I heard a cry, followed by a hissing sound.

The smoke from the area cleared after a bit, along with a newly dug pit. All that remained of the bandits was ash. I released the power, and then fell over. Whew, I think I overdid it there. All that lifting, plus gliding, plus twelve blossoms of fire at once? Yeah, I need to take a break for a bit.

I slithered over to the stream, and stuck my head underneath the current of the water. The cool of the wet soothed my head, and got rid of the sweat I had built up on my head from moving everything. I then decided to check the cave for anything valuable to sell, either to the market at home, or the next time I went to a big city. Looking over it, I found a few hundred gemstones, along with a goodly amount of nice cloth, and what looked to be whiskey.

Having rested for what I felt to be enough, I began to learn the area to return home. I signaled, waited for five minutes, then opened the gateway. I tied it off, and yelled to Violet. "Hey Vi, could I get some help here?"

Violet came trotting up to where I had made the gateway, and slapped me across the face with her hoof. "You asshole! I thought you were coming straight home after that meeting?!"

I brought my hand to my cheek, and then sighed. "I'm sorry, Violet, something came up afterwards that I had to take care of. But on the bright side, we now have enough gems to keep us in bits for a decent amount of time." And I can get my hands on some gold bars to replace what I got changed into bits. "We also have a goodly amount of fabric, if you want to have Silvered Needle make you a dress or something." 

Violet stepped through the gateway, and gasped at the state of the cave. "Marty? What did you do? And why do we now have all of this?"

I looked at her, and noted the anxious look in her eyes. "Violet, I'm going to be honest with you here. The reason we now have this stuff is because I righted a grievous wrong. I'll tell you about it tomorrow evening after work. Right now, lets take what's valuable from here so I can shut the gateway, and go take a bath. I'm sore, and I stink to high heaven of ash." I flicked my tongue at the end of that statement, and winced.

She looked at me, a bit of irritation playing across her features, then acquiesced to my request. "Alright, I can work with that. Let's get the stuff through, and you can get rid of that stink.


*****


As we got ready for bed that evening, Violet looked at me, and gave me a hug out of the blue. "And what was that for?" I asked sincerely.

"I missed you. You chase away my bad dreams. You make me feel safe. Also, you keep my grocery bill down." Violet said with a snide smile.

I smiled back at her. "I'm glad. I missed you too. Thankfully, I found a good place to set up as a range."

Violet looked at me, confused. "What?"

"Don't worry about it. It's a bad human joke."

"Ooooookay. I'll just ignore that." With that, she got into bed, becoming the little spoon as we fell asleep.


*****


The next day, we went through our normal morning routine, with me slithering off to work, while Violet tuned up her instruments. Steel wasn't happy that I hadn't come in for four days straight, but understood that traveling, especially for government work, could take quite a bit of time.

Work went well, and I slithered on home to Violet. We had pleasant dinner conversation, then we adjoined to Violet's music room to talk about the extra days I had used.

"Violet, after the two of them met, I was feeling quite tense, so I decided to go off and fly for a bit before coming back.

"Okay, with you so far. But that doesn't explain what took you so long."

"After a few hours of flying, I came across a pillar of smoke that was coming off of a burning caravan. The work of bandits. The entirety of that diamond dog caravan had been slaughtered as well, including the young they had with them."

Violet covered her mouth with her hoof in horror at this, and I continued on. "I gave them a proper cremation, and then set off to hunt down their killers. Long story short, I destroyed the bandits, and took what they had stolen."

"Shouldn't we return what was stolen to the survivors? I mean, it technically isn't ours either." she said, after a bit of contemplation.

"That had occurred to me as well, but I have absolutely no idea what warren they were a part of, or even if they were part of a slaver warren. I like thinking that I avenged only innocents, rather than slavers and innocents." I said back evenly.

"That makes sense. You'll just have to put what you got on your taxes, when it comes closer to tax time." She said back, just as evenly.

"Wait, I have to declare what I took from bandits on my taxes? Really? That's a bit silly." I said, with a snort of annoyance. "Oh well. Cel's government needs money too, especially with Luna back."

"Marty! How can you speak of the princesses with such familiarity?" She said with shock.

"Think about who you're talking to for a moment, how old I am, and what I can do for a moment." I said with a smile.

It took her a couple of moments, and then she laughed. "I see your point. But I don't think you should be quite that informal at first with them the first time you meet them in this Equestria."

"A point, you have one." I conceded.

"I should think so." She said with a triumphant smile.

"Just remember-" I booped her on the nose "-I can make several points, too."

She looked at me with an odd expression. "You're insane."

"Yup. Life's a lot more fun that way." I laughed back.

We chatted on for a bit longer, then went to bed.


*****


Three days passed, with me working at the forge, and Violet playing at a gig in Canterlot. The night of the third day, I decided I was going to ask her if she wanted to start dating.

"Violet, honey, I have a question I want to ask you." I said, feeling tense.

She obviously felt my tension, so took on a serious mien. "What is it Marty? What do you want to ask me?"

"Violet, do you-" A knock on the door interrupted what I was about to ask. "Who could that be?" I asked, bewildered.

"It might be my brother, anyways, go check the door would you, Marty?" She nicely asked.

"K.'" I slithered up to the door, and opened it.

A pink coated pegasus mare with a blue mane and tail stood in front of the door. A quick glance at her flank showed her cutie mark to be a pair of lightning bolts that matched her mane. Slightly annoyed, I asked the mare. "Good evening miss, what can I do for you?" A brief look of hate flashed over her eyes, which she quickly schooled.

She shocked me with her reply. "Hello Marty, my name is Firefly, and I have to speak with both you and Violet before you do something you'd hate yourself forever for."

I seized the source, and answered her coldly. "Alright, miss Firefly, you can come in and speak with the both of us. But if you try anything, I will be contemplating pegasus fricassee for breakfast."

"Understood, Marty. I will pass on my message, and answer your questions as best I can." We came to the music room, and I motioned for her to sit down, across from the couch were Violet and I had been sitting.

Violet looked at me. "Who is this?"

I looked back at her. "This is Firefly, and she says she has a message for us both. Now if you would be so kind as to relay it to us?"

"Alright, my message is actually from both myself and from your future self. He told me that I should mention that Luna forgives sins done in her name. Whatever that means." She looked confused, but looked to me.

I cringed at the code, but knew it was in fact a message from my future self. I let go of the power, and motioned for Firefly to go on. "Please, continue."

"Alright, I was bid by your future self to come back in time to stop what you are about to do, and to tell you of what your species is."

I sighed slightly in disappointment, but motioned to her to get on with it. "You are in the body of what is known as a Tirek-spawn to everyone who knows what it is. All knowledge of them has been wiped from literature, and I know of only three beings besides myself who knows of them. A dragon sage, and the princesses of the sun and moon."

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, what evil did my race commit, and why is it so important that I not ask Violet if I want to date her?"

Violet gasped and blushed. "I would've said yes..." We looked at Firefly, a look of some anger passing our faces.

"You best have a better reason why I should not date her other than racism." I said coldly.

"I wish that racism was the only reason I didn't want you with her. I'd have less friends that had died horribly. Anyways, the Tirek-Spawn were a race that the dark god Tirek created as a tool to cause pain and anguish upon Equis. They would corrupt the land as they spoke their foul spells, creating swamps and deserts in place of forests and grasslands."

"I have a feeling that you have more to it than that." I said blithely.

"Yes. The males of your species would also force themselves on any females that they could catch, impregnating them with a horrible spawn. The creature within would mature, safe against all methods to rid themselves of the beast within. They would give birth to more of the race that raped them, and then die. That is why you should not be with Violet. At least, not without trying to keep her from getting pregnant." She looked at me slightly sad.

She got up, and prepared to go out the door. "Oh, and to forewarn you. Ten days from now, you will meet me in a field exactly halfway between here and Canterlot. I will attempt to kill you by kicking you in the back of the head, and you immobilize me. You tell me all that has transpired here, and what I need to tell your past self. Understand?"

I look over at her, and still shocked, I reply. "Yes."

Violet and I look at each other, and the two of us wrap each other in a hug as we begin to cry.
> Princesssesss
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	We sat there for some time, crying into each others' shoulders. I finally looked up from my tears and saw the time on the clock in the corner. "Violet."

She sniffed and coughed. "What?" She croaked out.

"It's late. I think we should go to bed." I said in a similarly raspy voice.

"I guess. I-" She broke out in a yawn. "I'm more tired than I thought I was. Bed sounds good."

"Tomorrow then. Tomorrow will be a brand new day, and we'll look at things with brand new set of eyes." I said with false confidence.

Violet looked over at me, then shook her head. "That might have been the cheesiest thing I've ever heard." She smiled faintly. "But it also sounds like good advice."

We both went to her bedroom, and got ready for bed. "Good Night, Violet." I stroked her mane gently as I said this.

"Good Night, Martin." She whispered back.

Working through the occasional sob, we eventually fell asleep.


*****


I awoke the next morning, and went through all the normal motions before getting in the shower. As I was showering off, an off-hand comment Violet had made to me a few days earlier came to mind. She has a performance in Canterlot in a week! That's perfect! I can somehow bribe Cel and Luna into letting me use the royal archives, as well as deliver my standard threat. I finished my shower, dried myself off quickly, got dressed, then slithered down for breakfast.

I looked at Violet, who had red eyes from all the crying the night before, still had a depressed look on her face. "What are you so happy about?"

I gave her a big grin. "I think I figured out a solution!"

She looked at me, Excitement playing across her face. "Really? What is it! Please, tell me!" She was almost frantic, and her eyes held a splash of desperation.  

"Remember how you have a performance in Canterlot coming up?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to go with you, and I'm going to do my best to get an audience with the Princesses, and somehow convince them to let me into the royal archive. If it's anything like the other realities I've been in, it should have something on negating this body, or perhaps allowing me to change bodies. I'd much prefer to be either a human or a pony than this stupid species." I said with enthusiasm. 

It took a moment for what all I had said to sink in, but then Violet's eyes got wide, and then a goofy grin broke out on her face. "Marty! That's perfect!" She started to dance around excitedly, then looked back at me. "How are you going to get an audience? The open audience list is always backed up, and to get a private audience with both of the Princesses is almost impossible to do."

"Leave that to me. I have a few ways of weaseling my way into where I need to go."

"And those are?" Violet looked at me with some confusion.

"Worse comes to worse, dreams, mind control, or breaking and entering." I looked at her, smiling.

"You can control minds! How? Why?" She looked at me, horrified.

"I can, but I don't particularly like doing it. It's basically admitting that I can't get you to do what I want with just simple persuasion, and that I need to use a crutch to even win over someone. Also, my type of mind control can either leave a loving husk, or a fully operational persona that is merely obeying an order." I explained gently. "And no, I've never touched you with it." Sensing what she was going to ask. "Friendship based off of a controlled mind is not a friendship, but a relationship between a master and slave. And you know my opinion on slavery."

She let out a relieved chuckle. "That I do. Don't do anything too preposterous, Marty."

"What do you have to worry about, it's me?" I said mischievously.

"And that is precisely why I am worried." One of her ears flicked at me, while she turned back to finishing her breakfast.

"Anyways, for the moment, it's a moot point, as we're not currently in Canterlot. I'll figure something out." I returned to my meal.

We finished our breakfast, then went to about our normal routine, Violet practicing her instrument, and my work at the forge.


*****


I looked over at Steel as we took a water break. "I think I've figured out the proper gear-age for the water wheel."

"Oh?" The elder minotaur looked at me.

"I believe a 13:9 reduction for the first gear set, and then a 9:5 reduction for the second set should set it up perfectly." I took a sip from my mug, then continued. "Making the gears will be a nuisance, a lot of rasp and file work, but what's that to two master smiths?" I grinned cheekily at him.

"No more than busy work, lad, no more than busy work." He smiled back, a bit of amusement in his eyes. "Anyways, back to work."

I gave him a mock salute, then picked up my hammer to start working on repairing a valve.


*****


I was slithering home, when a green ball rolled out in front of me.

"Hey mister! Could you give us our ball back?" A filly cried at me.

I turned and looked, to see Littlepip and Blackjack waving at me. I smiled at them. "Sure. Here you girls go." I gently tossed the ball to Littlepip, then continued on my way. I kinda want to see if they'll let me join in on their game, but that's probably going into creepy adult territory. "Have fun you two!" I called out as I left the area.


*****


The next few days passed much the same way, with work starting on the water wheel for the nail press. I informed Steel that I would be going with Violet to Canterlot for a few days, but didn't expect to be held over. He calmly accepted that, though did seem slightly annoyed.

The ponies of the town had truly become used to my presence by then, most of them stopping to chat with me on my way to and from the forge on various tidbits of gossip. Nothing of interest beyond the typical small village scandal.


*****


The day that Violet and I were to leave for Canterlot arrived, and Violet looked at me curiously as I quickly cleaned off my armor.

"Why are you taking your armor with us to Canterlot? You're not going to try and get into any fights, are you?" She asked, nervously.

My eyes got big, and then I smiled a devilish smile. "I don't plan on it... but if the opportunity arises..." I trailed off.

"Marty!" Violet looked at me, aghast.

"Alright, I'm joking. I don't own any true formal wear, and my armor is both formal and functional. And when you intend to meet with royalty, both are a good idea." Though I plan on meeting with them looking like a human, not this, thing.

Violet rolled her eyes, then picked up her mellow-toned violin, and a small suitcase. I picked up my bag, and headed towards the door. "Shall we head on out?"

"Yes, yes we shall." She replied, sounding slightly exasperated.


*****


We had been on the train for several hours, when Violet got a contemplative look in her eyes. "Marty, I don't believe I've ever seen you as what you call your true form. You as a human, that is."

I chuckled. "No you haven't. Here, I'll be happy to show you." I grabbed the source, and began to weave together an illusion to match how my human body looked. "What do you think?" I said, sans emotion.

Violet stood up, and began to look me over. "You certainly look interesting. No muzzle, no nose to speak of, and no fur. A very odd look. Not a bad look, though. I think I prefer it to your-" She struggled to think of the correct word. "-current body."

"I know I would. Legs are so much better than belly locomotion."

Violet laughed, and smiled at me. I undid my weaves, and then released the source, watching as the world became less vibrant.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to try to take a nap." I said to Violet.

"Okay." She replied.


*****


We had arrived in Canterlot, and checked into our hotel, with plenty of daylight still left. I had told Violet that I was going to get myself on the list to see the princesses, and that was just what I was on my way to do. I came to the main entrance to the palace, and saw a clerk, a line into the castle, and several guards of mixed types.

Walking over to the clerk, I asked him "Is this where we make appointments to have an audience with the Princesses?"

The bored-looking mare said without looking up from her paperwork "It is. Name, province, and type of audience?"

Knowing the fastest way to get through bureaucracy like this was to drop every title at your disposal, I cleared my throat, and began to speak. "Martin Stuart, King of United Africa, Lord of Sero, Knight of the Order of the British Empire, Knight of the Order of the Sun, Knight of the Order of the Moon, General, Healer, Planetbreaker and subordinate of the Twin Jesters of Chance, Oponn." At the statement of king, the clerk had looked up, and was staring at me wide-eyed. "I currently live in the town of Coltogne, and I seek a private audience with both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna."

The clerk looked up at me like she was going to hyperventilate. "Guard! Guard! Come here for a moment!"

One of the guards came over, and saw my sabre at my side. "Scribe Winter, was this stallion threatening you?"

She gulped, and shook her head. "N-n-n-no. I have a request for an audience with the Princesses, code gold!" The guard looked shocked, then looked at me closely, shocked and suspicious.

"Hello there. I assure you, all of those titles were earned." I said confidently.

The scribe quickly wrote down all of my titles, along with the hotel where Violet and I were staying. Scribe Winter looked up at me, having calmed down somewhat. "My Lord, we shall contact you when we have a time when you can meet with both Princesses. I would not be surprised if you can meet with them tomorrow evening."

"I look forward to when I can meet with the Princesses." I did a polite bow, and left the premises. Hopefully it is tomorrow night, I'd prefer to not miss the symphony Violet's orchestra is playing. Such a gorgeous piece of music.

I arrived back at our hotel, and went to the suite that Violet and I were sharing. "Good news, Violet, I've most likely gotten an audience set up for tomorrow night!" I told her excitedly.

She broke out in a wide grin. "That's great news, Marty! And you'll even be able to make the concert the night after! I know you've said you enjoy the donkey composer Ravel's  works a great deal. I'm just sad that I won't be able to go with you to see the Princesses." Her grin slightly faded at that last bit, but was still present.

Not long after I told her this, a knock sounded on the door to our suite. "Royal message for King Stuart!" Came from a nervous voice.

Violet mouthed at me "King?"

I mouthed back at her "I'll explain later." I then went to open the door, and found a pegasus stallion in court livery. "A message from the Princesses already? You work fast."

The stallion was taken aback, but handed me the message. "I must see that you receive and read the message, milord." He said, respectfully.

"Of course, good sir." I opened the wax-sealed scroll, and began to read. 



King Martin Stuart, We the Princesses of Equestria will receive you in the Royal Study on the -Tomorrow- of the year of our reign at the hour of twilight -7 pm-. We anticipate our engagement with your esteemed personage with the hope of joyful relations.

Signed,


Princess Celestia Everfree
Princess Luna Everfree



I finished reading the short message, then looked to the page before me. "I am from a different culture, would you get offended as a page if I tipped you?"

The page laughed. "No, no I would not. None of the nobles or diplomats do it, but I would not be offended."

I laughed along with him. "Heh, You're a smart lad." I handed him five bits, and wished him luck, then turned to go back inside.

Violet waited for a bit, then asked. "King Martin, huh? How come I never knew that?"

I smiled at her. "Simple, I only care about three titles right now. Those are one, Marty Stu." I slithered over to her, and started to hug her neck. "Two, blacksmith." I then got a mischievous grin on my face. "And the third and most important one, friend." Violet gave a little d'awww at how sappy my statement was... until I started to tickle her.

"Come on Marty stop!" She tried to say through her giggles. "Come on, stop it!" She kept laughing, even after I stopped. "But seriously, you were a king? How'd that happen?"

"Oh, I conquered an entire continent in fifteen years." Lost it five years later when I was assassinated by the woman I married for political reasons I thought bitterly. 

"Oh, I guess that would make you a king then, wouldn't it." Violet said, somewhat unsure.

"Yup." I said simply.

Violet shook her head, and then went off to check on her instrument.


*****


I slithered up to the palace the next day, having woven and tied off an illusion on myself of being a human. I was dressed in my 'full' armor, with my sabre at my side. I approached the guards stationed out front, and showed them my invitation. "I am King Martin Stuart, here for my audience with Princesses Celestia and Luna. I was told that they would meet me in the Royal Study?"

One of the guards nodded, and motioned me over. "We were so informed. I will lead you to the royal study." He then started to stately march into the castle, beckoning me to follow him.

I slithered behind him, and followed him at a distance of two meters. We traveled in silence, passing various members of the Princesses' staff. Soon enough we happened upon a door. The guard turned to me, and stated. "In here is the Royal Study, Their Highnesses will be along shortly."

I slithered inside quickly, making sure my tail was inside before he could shut the door and note my illusion. I took in the room, noting the tea set in the corner, and three chairs set up for comfort. I took a seat, and waited for my audience.


*****


The Princesses walked in not too much later. "Greetings, your majesties. I am called Marty Stu." I bowed respectfully to the diarchs.

Celestia looked at me with some recognition. "Greetings, King Martin." She said softly, almost as if she was tasting the name.

Luna looked at me with some amusement. "Greetings, Lord of Sero, We welcome you into our hearth and hearts."

"I thank you for your gracious and swift reply to my entreaty for an audience." I said, trying to sound haughty, thankful, loquacious and respectful all at the same time. "By life and light, I am honored."

Luna looked overjoyed at how flowery my statement was, whereas Celestia's poker face slipped for a moment, a trace of 'Oh brother' passing across her face. Luna looked at me with some curiosity. "The titles that thou spoke to our esteemed scribe yesterday were unfamiliar to our countenance. Pray tell, elaborate."

"Africa is a continent on a world known as Earth, which is a human homeworld, Britain is also a country upon that same world, and Sero is a fiefdom in the reality known as Kebarta. The Order of the Sun I was knighted into by 'A' Princess Celestia, and the Order of the Moon I was knighted into by 'A' Princess Luna." I looked over at them, expecting some interesting expressions.

Luna wore an expression of open shock, while Celestia hurriedly drank from a cup of tea. "Thou, thou art from another world?!" Luna said blankly.

"That I am. I am also from a different reality, and have traveled part of the multiverse." I said blandly.

"I see." Celestia said calmly. "And you must have traveled to another dimension that was similar to this one, yes?"

"Correct. This is the ninth Equestrian reality I have entered."

"Intriguing." Celestia took another draw from her teacup. She looked into her teacup for a moment, and then looked at me. "What is your purpose for meeting with us, Martin Stuart? Why have you entered our halls?"

"My purpose to meet with you is two-fold. To ask for your permission, and to deliver to you a story and a promise."

"What is thy task that thou requires our permission, human lord?" Luna asked blithely.

"I will show you why I ask for your permission, and I ask that you do not attack me when I lower my illusion." I said, slightly nervous.

"You are under an illusion? I sensed no such magic from you." Celestia frowned.

"That is because my magic is fundamentally different from yours, from source to application. Anyways, now is not the time for a discussion of my abilities, now is the time for me to drop my deception." My vocal inflections turned to ice during the last sentence. I wove a powerful shield in front of myself, and then proceeded to remove my disguise.

"Tirek-Spawn!" The two of them yelled, powering up their horns.

"Really? Where?" I said in a sheet of cold sarcasm.

Both of them stopped charging their spell, then turned to each other, confused. "Tirek-spawn, speak now of your request, or accept Tarterus as your new home." Luna said in an equally cold tone.

"Ladies, I am a human trapped in a body not his own, who is looking for a way to avoid harming any and all potential mates that I might have while on this plane. I seek the use of your library in order to facilitate either the transformation of my body into another form, or a magic that would make it so that either I do not have children, or so that they are not lethal to their mother." I said, still wrapped in the emotion-dampening properties of the void.

"I will tell you right now, transformation magic is almost completely ineffective on Tirek-Spawn. Fertility magic, which is what you are describing, is a rarely-studied aspect of magic. We shall let you peruse our collection of these spells at a later date in return for a favor that we shall decide on later." Celestia said, calm once again.

Luna looked at me, then spoke up. "Thou said thou had a story and a promise for us, correct?"

"Indeed." I let go of the source, and began to talk. "By my own reckoning, several thousand years ago I came upon a certain world, a world much like this one."

“There was a Princess Celestia, and a Princess Luna, and they acted much the same as you do. They had their failings, and they had their triumphs. One had a brilliant student named Twilight Sparkle, who was beloved by them both. She served both of her princesses dutifully, along with her five friends. I assume you see where I’m going with this so far?”

“Yes” the two princesses replied simultaneously. “Continue.”

“Modern industry had made a huge desire for a certain resource, namely coal. Equestria had used up its supply of coal, and that of one of their protectorates. The business barons and nobles looked for another supply for their voracious appetite. They found one, in the zebra lands. The zebra were willing to trade their vast supplies of coal, but only for a resource that Equestria refused to give them, gemstones that gave off magic.”

I swallowed, then continued on. “Tensions rose, and finally war broke out.” I paused, hearing the princesses collective gasp. “It started off amicably, for a war. Captives were traded easily, and there was hope for peace. Then a dual tragedy changed the tone of the war. The mutual annihilation of a school and a refugee train escalated the war. It escalated and escalated until the bombs fell. Balefire megaspells, which tainted the land, poisoned the water, and destroyed lives in the... I really don’t know how many died. But the death toll was massive.”

The princesses at this point where in shock. “We would, we would never.”

“Let me continue, I’ll give you the details.” I told them the stories of Big Macintosh, of Celestia’s abdication, of the experiments, of the prison camps, and all the horrors of the war. “These horrors pale in comparison to what happened after the bombs fell. I don’t remember the first fifty years, as I spent them drinking a distillery dry, but the next one-hundred and fifty years were pieces of absolute horror. Slavery, marauders, mutations, and so-called loyalists that were barely loyal to themselves, let alone the ideals of harmony.” I then regaled them with the true horrors of the wasteland, ghouls, the actions of the slavers; especially to mares, and raiders.

“I lived through all of that, and that world would still be living through that, if it weren’t for the actions of one mare who found the method to cleanse that world, and a mare that inspired them to be better. They share names and color schemes with two fillies in the village I’m living in. I will tell you the stories of Littlepip and Blackjack.” The horror and tears on the princesses faces assuaged my fears to a degree as I told their stories while I continued on. “I never did meet either mare, so that I could thank them for fixing their predecessors mistakes, including mine.”

“What was your mistake? By your own admission, you were a diplomat and a healer during the war, and did your best to end it.” Princess Luna asked tearfully."

“My mistake is one I will never repeat. I had the power to demolish both governments, and to force a peace.” I steadied my voice, and looked at both princesses. “Celestia, Lady of the Day; Luna, Duchess of the Night; if you go to war with a mortal foe that threatens your world, I will act. I will compulse your minds to nothing, and use you only as puppets to control the sun and moon. I will destroy the leadership of your foe utterly.” I shift my voice to as grandiose as possible. I took hold of the source, and wove an eavesdropping ward on the room, and then wove my voice to be as loud as I could make it. "Do not doubt me or my resolve. I will protect your subjects, and I will protect myself from any repeat of that world.

I quickly undid my weaves, a flash of humor across the void at their expressions at my volume. I let go of the source, then continued on. "But, I will likely not have to go through with my threat. This world is more likely to be destroyed by my human colleagues than you. So like the last two times I've made this threat, it was rendered idle." Though it should have been three times. Stupid banana-loving light-blasted version of Celestia.

Both Celestia and Luna continued to cry, and held each other in a hug. This continued on for a while, during which I poured the two of them more tea. "Here, drink this. It won't do for your staff to see that you've been crying." I handed them both their teacups, which they both took large drafts of.

Celestia looked at me, having stopped crying. "For what it is worth, I apologize for what my alternate self did to you."

Luna looked at me, sadness clear in her eyes. "I extend my humblest apologies for the harm my reflection caused you."

I shook my head. "Ladies, I do not blame you for what someone who looks you did. I only seek to keep you from repeating the mistakes of the past." I suddenly felt very tired. "I hate to cut our conversation short, but I feel exhausted. I thank you for the audience. May all of our future dealings be more peaceful than this encounter."

"Agreed." The two alicorns stated in stereo.

"And so, I bid you good even, and take my leave of this place." I then slithered off to leave the palace.


*****


I got back to our suite, and found a note from Violet saying that she had eaten out, and to go ahead and use the horn. I ate a delicious as usual meal, performed my evening ablutions, then went to bed.


*****


The next day was a wonderfully busy day of getting Violet ready to perform that evening, and then I got the best seat in the house to listen to the music: The front middle of the balcony.


*****



Author's Notes


Some time ago, I did a related crossover/interview with Nathan Traveler's story Puppy Love's Chess Game. Give it your love and support, please.
> Time Loopsss
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	That evening, as Violet and I bedded down after her orchestra had created a masterpiece. I turned and looked at her, and smiled. "Violet, your orchestra did wonderfully tonight. I think I saw ponies in the audience with tears in their eyes because you played so beautifully."

"Really?" Violet said with a smile that showed over her entire face.

"Yes." I said as I ran my fingers through her mane, mussing it up slightly. I continued to play with her mane as the two of us drifted off.


*****


I sat back on my haunches, Nzinga playing in a pool of water in front of me. "Come on dearest, for now is when the water is at it's clearest. Fish and shells you shall spot, but only if you get off your plot!"

I laughed at her easy rhyme. "Coming, my love!" I stood up, and prepared to jump into the water, when, suddenly-

~Thump~ ~Thump~ ~Thump~

Nzinga looked at me, curious fear etched on her striped face. "Lover dear, what is making that noise most queer?"

I looked at Nzinga, and sighed. "I'm sorry, it means I have to go. You will forever be in my memories, my heart, and my dreams." I looked away from her. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry."

Nzinga looked at me, confused, as I rose up from my dreams, and into Tel'aran'rhiod, the world of dreams. As I emerged from my wards, I almost collided with Luna.

"Can I help you?" I asked, not amused. "I was enjoying a dream of one of my wives."

Luna looked at me, shocked. "You can enter the world of the unseen?!" Her mouth was agape.

"Nope, this is all an illusion. You're still on the moon, and this is a screwed up dream. Of course I can use it!" Okay, stop being an ass to the alicorn princess. Yes you're pissed about your dream being interrupted. That's no reason to take it out on her.

Luna stood there for a moment, comprehending everything I had just spouted off. I sensed that if she continued on her current thought path, we would be in for the waterworks. "Sorry about that, it's just I don't get happy dreams very often-"

"And I interrupted. I'm sorry, but I could not help but be curious about one who has pledged to help not only my sister and myself, but another god as well. Could you please tell of us of this Oponn?"

"I admit to not knowing as much as I'd like about them. Oponn are the twin jesters of chance from a reality that I only know of as Malazan. A reality that I've not been to, but have heard about. Another thing is that I don't trust them as far as a human infant can throw them." I sighed, then continued on. "If you really want to talk to them, I think they reside here in the world of dreams." I scrape my human foot across the ground.

Luna looked at me, cocked her head, then asked "Art thou a piece in Discord's game amongst the gods?" Huh, her archaic speech has reappeared. Huzzah.

I blinked at her, and answered her question. "I didn't realize that Discord was the one who started the game, but yes, yes I am. I have come across one other who I believe is part of the game, and another still who might be."

Luna's ears flicked, and she looked at me with curiosity in her eyes. "Who art these persons? We would like to know of them, and mayhap speak with them."

"Milady Luna, that is not my secret to tell." Luna's ears flicked back at this, but she did not say anything else. "Have you anymore questions, milady? If not, I'd like to return to my body, sleep in Tel'aran'rhiod is hardly restful."

"You spoke of one of your titles in your introduction to our scribe, and We are disturbed greatly by it. What does the title Planetbreaker mean?"

"It means that Oponn is playing a game with higher stakes than anyone should be comfortable with." I looked at her, awaiting her answer.

"So thou art capable of breaking a planet? Art thou a farmer of worlds, or perchance a reaper?" Her eyes contemplatively looking at me. "A plowpony could forever be tilling the soil, breaking it, and so be known as a breaker of planets, but thou art something else, something horrible. Thou art a destroyer of worlds, an ender of life." She sighed. "Do correct us if we are wrong."

"Princess, you are not wrong, but you are also not entirely correct. I have destroyed entire planets, but it is not something I relish." I sighed, and looked over at her. "I relish saving lives. I live for creating things of beauty. Teaching others the wonders of the universe is an absolute joy. That is why it is only one of my titles, the one I detest the most, but one I must include to be truthful."

"Why be honest, then? Why tell us of your deed most foul?" Luna cocked her head in confusion.

"Why do poisonous serpents have rattles? Why do poisonous frogs have bright colors?" I asked in kind.

"To... warn... others of the danger they present." Luna's expression of enlightenment was most satisfying.

"Precisely." My voice was calm, if slightly smug. "Now, do you have any other questions?"

"None that weigh heavily upon my countenance, and none that thou cannot answer at a later time. We bid you good even."

"Goodnight, Princess." With that, I returned to my body, and another dream


*****


The next morning, Violet got out of bed before me. "Rise and shine, sleepyhead!" She rang out, chipper as can be.

"I'll rise, but I refuse to shine." I grunted back at her, tongue flicking multiple times. Why does the air taste like old sock?

"Get ready quickly, Marty. I'm hoping we'll get home before dark."

"Alright, alright, hold your horses." I smirked at her when I realized what I'd said. I oozed out of bed, then slithered into the shower for a quick wash. Having washed, we ate a quick breakfast, paid our bill, then left for the train station.

"Y'know, we don't have to take the train. I could just gateway us home." I relayed to Violet.

"Yes, but I asked Wild to take care of the house while we were gone, and he doesn't know about the whole signal bit." She replied.

"Point taken." I answered evenly.

We got on the train, and settled in for a nice trip home.


*****


That evening as we sat around our evening meal, I broke our general bit of meaningless but lovely conversation with what had been weighing on me. "Do you remember that I have to go meet with Firefly tomorrow?"

"That's right. The timing had slipped my mind. Have you thought about how you're going to subdue her?" She asked, curious.

"I'm thinking I'll make two illusions, one that makes me invisible, and a double of myself that I'll 'walk' up and down the field. As for where I need to be... I calculated more or less the field where she said she met me." I picked up my map, which had a dot over a field that seemed to be exactly in between Coltogne and Canterlot. "About right here, if my calculations are worth anything." Which they should be.

"Hmmm-" She tapped her tongue against her lips, looking over the map. "Well, it looks right from my perspective... but I'm horrible at reading maps. How are you going to catch her, though?"

"Wrap her up in flows of air. Hopefully she isn't going too fast when she connects. I'd rather not see the bug on the windshield phenomenon with a pegasus, even if she did act like a bitch."

Violet's face shifted from disgust to amusement, and giggled. "Yeah, I agree with you on both things."

We spent the rest of the evening talking to each other easily and then went to bed.


******


The next morning, Violet and I ran through our typical morning routines, and I slithered off to the forge to work. The morning shift went well, but I had a meeting with a certain pink pegasus. I looked over at Steel, wiping some sweat from my brow. "Hey Steel, I have something I need to go take care of. I shouldn't take more than a couple of hours."

Steel looked over at me, shook his head, then said. "Go on, lad. Do what you need to. Any chance you'll tell me what it is you need to do?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." I replied honestly.

"Whatever, lad. I'll see you later. Good luck." The old bull's agitation was palpable.

"Thank you, I have a feeling I'll need it." I said, trying to inject an apology to my voice. I had been flaking way too much from work lately. I'll definitely need to make it up to him. Maybe start channel forge some of the more intricate pieces instead of doing it the hard way? Eh, I'll talk to him, see what he says. Anyways, on to confront Firefly. I tossed a wave goodbye to Steel, and slithered out of town.

Once I felt I was alone, I took to the air, and began to glide towards my meeting with destiny.


*****


I watched the air from my ditch, my illusion weave hiding myself impeccably. I sent my illusory clone up and down the field, following a track that I had made myself.  Come on, Firefly! I want to get this done so I can go back to work!  I continued to track the sky, and finally spotted a pink and blue blur above the horizon. I continued moving my puppet as if nothing was wrong, waiting for her to strike.

She came in at a high angle, oddly slow for a pegasus attack. Right as I was about to nab her with my prepared weave, she dropped out of the sky, and resumed her approach at a much greater speed at just a little bit above a horizontal angle of attack. I’m impressed. I think I’ve seen maybe two fliers who can survive those g-forces unaided.  Seeing that she was going to fast for me to accurately grab with a flow of air, I wove together multiple walls of air, cutting off an avenue of escape with each new wall. For the final wall, right in front of her, I caused a wall of earth to shoot up from the ground, and watched as she jumped into the ceiling of the cage, startled out of her dive.

I got up out of my ditch, and unwove my unneeded doppelganger and illusion. “Hello, Firefly.” I said calmly from the depths of the void.

Firefly, surprised by my appearance, tried to get out of my cage. “LET ME OUT, YOU FILTHY TIREK-SPAWN!” She cried out, angry and distressed. “LET ME OUT SO I CAN KILL YOU!”

I looked at her, expressionless. “Let me think about that. No. Or at least, not yet.” My voice even and inflectionless.

Firefly looked at me, confused and angry. “Not yet? What kind of game are you trying to pull, Tirek-Spawn?”

“I’m not playing a game, Firefly. I’m not playing a game at all. Ten days ago, you came to a house in Coltogne on the western outskirts, and warned the occupants against a certain activity. I was one of the occupants, and a lovely mare was the other. You saved a life, and kept someone from committing a needless murder.” I explained calmly

“What?” She kept her confused expression, though she lost some of her anger.

“I am not my body. I have no desire to harm through omission.”

“Explain, please.” The anger had mostly disappeared by this point.

“Alright, the short of it is, I’m a human in a tirek-spawn body. You time-looped to keep me from sleeping with a mare.”

“Oh. I understand now. I told you this date, and you’re telling me about that date. I understand now.” Firefly looked thoughtful for a moment. “How do I know that you are telling the truth?”

“You can’t, but as a time traveler and pegasus, it’s not like you can’t go back further in time and make sure that I’m not lying.” I unwove the cage, letting her out.

“Point. You do know that if you’re lying, this conversation will never have happened, don’t you?” She said with a suspicious glance.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. Shake on the deal?” I said, slithering forward with my hand outstretched.

“We’ll shake on the deal.” She said, hate glistening in her eyes.

“Oh, before we finish this, a code that you should use to make sure that my past self doesn’t kill you is ‘Luna forgives sins done in her name.’” I cringed as I repeated the assassin’s line.

Firefly looked perplexed at my statement, and then shook her head. “I just realized that I don’t know you or the mare’s name.”

“The mare’s name is Violet Melody, and my name is Marty Stu.” I said with a slight smile.

“Huh. Well, It’s been unique meeting you, Marty. After the loop, may we never cross paths again.” She nodded in my direction, then took to the air.

“It would probably be for the best.” I began to slither away, not wanting to let the pink pegasus in on my abilities. I wandered into a copse of yew, and seized the source. Wait, yew? I thought, as I looked around. "I miss having a bow, and there's what looks to be good quality yew here. I think I'll ask whoever owns this field whether or not they mind if I take some." I said to myself.


*****


Violet entered the house, and saw me in the kitchen with a channeled knife and a long stave of wood. "Marty, what are you doing?" She asked, curious.

"I'm attempting to make a bow-stave." I replied, putting down my knife to look at her.

"And why, pray tell, are you attempting to make a bow-stave?" She took a breath "And for that matter, what is a bow-stave?"

"It's the wooden part of the bow one uses to fling arrows, as opposed to making music. I found a very nice copse of yew on the edge of the field where I met Firefly, and the owner was only too happy to let me take some. Something about it being poisonous and he had foals who might investigate it."

"Huh. Just be sure you clean up after yourself, and don't track any sawdust into the music room." Violet said, noncommittadly.

"Works for me, hon." 
> Sssearching
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I looked over at Steel Link as we worked on the gears going into the nail press. "So you're probably wondering why I've been going here and there so much, skipping out on work and the like."

"I admit, I am curious. I figure that yeh do have yer reasons, and yer work for the crown does come into it." Steel replied calmly, focus on the gears.

"While that is a reason, it's not the only reason. Tell me, do you know anything of Tirek?" I asked while taking a rasp to the gear.

"The god of evil? Trapped in Tarterus for forever? Nothing beyond foal's tails." Steel stopped working on his gear, eyes curious.

"Apparently while he was last free, he made a species of shock troops, ones that could repopulate themselves with any native population, ones that were very snake-like." I said evenly. "This is only hearsay, though, because from what I understand, the princesses buried all knowledge of them."

"And yeh believe that ye're one of these creatures, don't yeh?" Steel asked with some assurance.

"Not so much believe as was told outright by someone who would know. Anyways, I've been working on both my duties for the crown and on this problem in the times when I'm absent. But to be fair to you, I'll schedule my research efforts around when they're convenient for you."

Steel looked up from his work, thought about it for a little while, then looked back at me. "Yeh can have three days for research for every six days yeh work on the forge. Does that sound fair, to yeh?"

"Sounds fair indeed. Now lets get to work!"


*****


I sat over my seventh attempt at a bowstave, looking at Violet. "Hey Vi, do you think you'll be able to come with me to Canterlot in about six, well, five more days?" I said before taking out another shaving in the stave beneath me. "I'll be going for three days, and trying to find an appropriate spell. Are you free? And would you like to come with me?"

"I'd like that very much, Marty" Violet smiled at me sweetly.

"Damnit, screwed up another stave!" I looked down at the notch that I had made too big in the wood.

"Better luck next time, Marty." She said with a sassy smirk.

"Why do I have a feeling I'll need it?" I said, somewhat resigned.

"Because you obviously will." She replied back with a smile.

I laughed. "Hush, you." 


*****


"Welcome to the Canterlot Archives." Princess Luna spoke in front of me, leading me into the dusty depository. "Here we have every single spell up until the current day. You should be able to find something useable here."

"I hope so. I'd rather not be celibate for eight-hundred or so years. That just gets miserable." I said with a smile on my face.

"Awkward talk about Marty's sex life aside, thank you your highness for allowing us to peruse the archive." Violet said with an embarrassed smile.

Luna laughed. "His candidness is refreshing, but you really do need to train him better if he talks like that in front of polite company."

"I'm trying. I'm just not sure what method is the best method to make him behave." Violet snarkily said to Luna

I brought my tail up, and began to scratch the tip of my nose with the tip of my tail. "Marty, what are you doing?" Violet asked, laughing.

"Well, if you're going to talk about me like I'm a pet, I suppose I should act the part. Besides, my nose itched." I continued to scratch.

Luna looked at Violet, and laughed. "He's silly."

"You have no idea." Violet shook her head. "I can't let him go anywhere without me, or he starts acting like a puppy in spring."

"Arf." I said blandly to the amusement of both ladies.

"Alright, I'll leave you to your research." Luna said, leaving us behind.

"Thank you again, Luna!" I said as she left us behind.


*****


I looked over the tome in front of me, delight on my face. "Muahahahahahaha!  I've found it! The perfect spell! Finally, after all this time, I've found it! Power over everything, and all shall be bent to my will!" I quickly cast the spell, rearranging the world to my liking.

First both princesses would bow to my power, and then the power of friendship between the pieces would be broken for forever. I made Violet my queen, and ensured that the two of us would rule for eternity from our throne of bones!

I watched as Luna and Celestia, princesses no longer, dragged our royal thrones throughout the kingdom, showing my might to all! The elements were reformed into my lieutenants, their elements used to protect tyranny.


*****


I turned and looked at Violet. "Do you ever get the feeling that you're doing something completely unlike yourself, but you're obviously not?"

Violet looked at me, confused, but nodding her head. "Yeah, that describes what I'm feeling perfectly. Do you have any idea what's going on?"

I looked at her, and shook my head. "No, not really, and what's more, I don't think I want to know." I turned back to the tome in front of me. "Anyways, lets try and find a spell that actually works. So far, a perforated condom would work better than what I've found."

Violet giggled. "Yeah, I've not found anything either."


*****


Celestia met with us before we were to return home on the third day. "Did you find anything that would work? I confess that such magic is something I've never dabbled with."

Violet bowed low, while I nodded my head in respect, before answering. "We didn't find anything, but we didn't finish looking through everything, either. I'll be back in a few days, and look through more tomes."

Celestia nodded her head, expression unchanged. "I look forward to seeing you again. Farewell."

"See you later, Princess." I said easily, throwing a mock-salute.

"Thank you for seeing us off, Princess. It is an honor to meet you in person." Violet squeaked out.

"And it is an honor to meet such an amazing musician, my little pony." Celestia replied gently.

Violet smiled so hard it seemed that her ears would be taken in. I thought to myself on the context of that phrase for a pony. That's a big grin for a human, let alone a pony. Huh, a creature that's all smile. Sounds like something Pinkie Pie would want to see.

"Bye, Princess!" I channeled a skimming platform, and the two of us left Canterlot.


*****


The next week continued on much the same way as the week prior, though Steel and I had essentially finished the gear-age for the press, along with much of the housing. All that remained was the completion of the housing, and hooking it up to a water-wheel. "Looking forward to getting this done, Steel?"

Steel looked up at me, nodded, and smiled. "That I am, lad. This should work, and keep us from having to spend so much of our time on apprentice work. Now shut yer yap, and lets get to poundin the metal!"

"Jawohl!" I barked back with a smile.


*****


I returned to the archives, this time by myself, Violet busy with a performance in Maneapolis this time around. I looked through all the likely tomes, a much shrunk stack from the first time I had visited. 

One book turned into five, then twelve, and finally I didn't see a point in looking any longer. "Useless! All of these are useless! I'd be better off remaking the pill and using a condom!" I hit the table hard with my fist, denting the wood.

I left the archive, and went to my hotel room to try and catch some sleep. As I drifted off, I decided to go into the world of dreams instead.


*****


As I looked about the room I popped up in Tel'aran'rhiod, I decided to return to the archive, maybe finding it in the dreamworld instead. As I looked at the various books, each one getting further and further away from the subject of what I desired to find, I got more and more depressed. I suddenly heard a woosh from behind me. "Hello, Luna. What brings you here? Come to help me search?"

A male voice laughed, and spoke up. "We are not Luna, Mr. Stu. We can, however help you, for a price."

I turned around, and saw Oponn standing before me. "Oh, it's you two. Lovely. Anyways, you mentioned that you can help me. How can you help me, and what's the price?" I said with a droll, annoyed tone.

"Are you familiar with the Eres'al?" The Lady asked me.

"Vaguely. Wasn't she the mother goddess of the various forms of humanity in your reality?" I said evenly.

"Correct to a degree, though she also personified fertility for all species, something that her artifacts factor in heavily. We were 'given' an artifact by her in lieu of her owing us a favor. We know that it will protect the mother of a child, keep her from conceiving, and even help a child favor one parent over another." The Lady said rapidly.

I replied suspiciously "That sounds like it would work, and work well. What's your price for such an amazing artifact?"

"We would require you to find six artifacts that have been scattered about this planet. We have an idea about where one is located. What say you, will you pay this simple price?" The Lord replied, voice like ice.

"What would these artifacts do for you? I'm not going to give you a superweapon." Suspicion filled every nook and cranny of my voice.

The Lady laughed. "These artifacts are merely tools that bring or represent a form of luck. Three forms of good luck, and three forms of bad. The reason we desire these artifacts is so that we can be attuned to this planet.  This place... lacks a permanent god of luck. We wish to take upon that role."

I still was suspicious, but held out my hand. "I'll do it. I can't guarantee how fast I'll be in collecting these artifacts, but I'll do it all the same."

The twin jesters of chance shook hands with me, and then the Lady began to talk again. "The first artifact you need to find is Clover's clover. No, it's not a pressed four leaf clover, but a carved emerald that was a token that she carried on her person for years, and that her son carried on himself until his death, with it being laid in his tomb with him."

The Lord took over. "The emerald is somewhere in the lands surrounding the city known as Los Pegasus. That is all we know. We thank you for your assistance and your discretion in this task. Do feel free to tell your intended mate, though. Secrets from those you are closest to are the ones that cause the most problems."

"Thank you for that caveat. I'm going to return to my body and get some real sleep. Farewell for now, Oponn." I said tiredly.

"Farewell, He of the Stu." Oponn replied in their freaky double voice.

I quickly returned to my body and slept, exhausted.

> Transssition and a Zebra
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	As I flew above the sun-baked plain, drowsy and slightly irritated, I reflected on the past week. Celestia at least was very unhappy about my intention of attuning a foreign god to her world. Very unhappy. At least she didn't try and arrest me, and did like the fact that I'm capable of destroying those two if they turn on us. Her cutting me off from the Canterlot archives is going to hurt, though. This was only part of the source of my irritation. Later in the week, I had a dream about my Terra that kept me sleeping in the world of dreams, which didn't translate to actual sleep. I actually snapped at Violet!





"Marty?" She asked. "Could you pick up some paper supplies on your way home from the forge today?"

"Damnit woman! Do I look like I'm just for doing your silly errands?" I said in an irritated voice. I looked at the shocked and hurt expression on her face, and mentally punched myself in the face. I calmed down. "I'm sorry, I've not been sleeping well lately. You didn't deserve that. I'll do it on my way home, no problem." And grab both some orchids and some lillies. Something to eat, and something pretty to watch.

Violet replied "It's alright. I know you've not been sleeping well since the morning you woke up crying. Which reminds me. I think I've seen you cry more since I've known you than my brother who I've known my entire life."

"And?" I asked calmly. 

"And nothing. Just making an observation." She just looked at me with a cute smile and stated. "Maybe you're a bit of a wimp, or maybe you've just decided to be honest."

"I decided to be honest, and I learned some time ago that tears are actually healthy. If nothing else they help clear the sinus cavities." Violet and I started to laugh, all trace of my earlier irritation completely gone.





The badlands below me slowly changed type from scrub to desert, and a square dot appeared on the horizon. As time passed, the dot got bigger and bigger, details such as buildings and airships emerging from the haze of distance. As I grew closer, one airship in particular grabbed my attention. Is that Ivan's airship I see there?

As I grew closer to the city, I spotted a perfect landing spot, not too close, but not too far away. I dove down, enjoying the feel of wind in my face. About ten meters from the ground, I splayed my constructed wings back, the not-so-subtle jerk pulling me back as I slowly came to the ground. I dismissed the constructs, and began to slither into the city.

Alright, They said that the artifact was outside of Las Pegasus, but no further details. How should I go about this? Find a city historian? Look through the city archives? Enslave the city and force them to dig for the artifact? I lightly chuckled, and pinched the bridge of my nose. That last one is a definite option... if I suddenly went completely and utterly bonkers. 

As I had been musing, I came into the center of the city. I'm a ta'veren working for the personification of luck. Mat was luck incarnate. Maybe if I use his direction trick I'll get something. With that thought, I began to spin around, eyes closed, prepared to go in the direction I stopped. Finishing my spin, I saw that I was pointed towards Ivan's ship. No idea if my subconscious decided to do that, or if the whole ta'veren thing actually worked for me for once. I stalked off towards the ship, unsure of what I'd find. 

As I walked, I noted the myriad ways the sapients around me reacted to my presence: fear, apathy, and even a couple of smiles. All in all, I preferred the apathy.

As I got under the inflated airship, I shouted up "Hello up there, anybody home?"

Ivan's female gryphon pilot looked over the side, and looked at me with a little annoyance. "You." She stated gruffly.

"Me?" I fired back, slightly miffed at her rudeness.

“Yes you.” She glared down at me. “What do you want now?” I felt her eyes trailing all over my body, weighing me, and seemingly searching for something. A weapon besides my sword, perhaps?

“Universal peace, a friendly face, and some money in my pocket.” I replied with my most rakish smile “Failing that, maybe some information.” That was kinda smarmy, you dolt. I chided myself mentally.

She closed her eyes for a second, then opened them again, almost like she wanted to pinch the bridge of her beak. “And what would such a fucking nice guy like yourself possibly want with me?” She half snarled, half said politely.

“If I wanted to rhyme, I’d say coffee or tea. But that’s just being silly. No, I thought I might come here and get a little help looking into an investigation of mine, and in return help you and your seeming leader.” I said evenly. I don't know what her problem is, but I don't want to make it worse.

She looked about like she was going to explode for a moment “You can take your investigation and whatever help you were planning and get the fuck away from me. YOU-” She paused, a slight hesitation as if she was suddenly nervous. “You. Scram.” She looked away.

“Ooookay. I obviously caught you at a bad time. Can I talk to anyone else in your group, Ivan perhaps?” I replied back. I have no idea why she's mad. Bad time of the month perhaps? Spat with the rest of the crew? Lover's quarrel?

She looked everywhere but at me for a moment, then looked down and stated “Sick. All of them. Sick.” Something was slightly off about her statement, but I wasn't sure what. “I’m immune because different species and Boss is having fun elsewhere.” If my eyes didn't deceive me, she bit her tongue before continuing her statement. “Gambling, I would say.”

“I’m fairly good at healing, and if the stress of taking care of two zebras is getting to you that badly, maybe I should take over.” I offered politely. “I know taking care of others is hardly fun, especially when they’re sick.” 

She let out a low growl, almost like she wanted to attack me. “You...” She stopped. “I don’t need your help. I don’t want your help. LEAVE.” She snarled the last word, and if her looks could kill, I would be dead. “Got it? None of need your help. And if you see Ivan, tell him that I don’t fucking care if he decides to be a fucking hero. GOT IT?” She stretched out her wings in preparation to take off, with a slight wince of regret passing over her features.

I began to talk very quietly. “So you’re telling me that Ivan decided to go off and be a hero? Oi." I started to massage my forehead. “Doesn’t he know that’s a good way to end up dead?” I looked up at Catastrophe, who cringed. “Thank you Catastrophe. I’ll be on my way. Good seeing you again.” I stated much louder before starting slither off. 

As I began to move on, I heard a slight rustling above me. A rustle that sounded like a set of large wings with metal parts. She figures that I'm going to find Ivan for her, and she might be right. That he's missing after all of this seems to be more than coincidence I began to spin around again, and then set off towards the northwest.

I heard her spit as she gently landed next to me. "On second thought... Can we make a deal?" She sounded extremely reluctant.

I put on a smile, and turned towards her. "Oh, and what type of deal would that be, Miss Catastrophe?"

“If you call me mishap I will punch you in the face, weird ass powers bedamned.” She snarled, then went calm. “The kind where we both benefit in some way.”

“I will keep that in mind. Anyways, go on, I’m listening.”

“If you help me find Ivan, maybe beat a little sense in his screwy little head, maybe I’ll help you with your little ‘quest’ or investigation or whatever.” She stopped, her eyes widening. “... He’s got me doing it.”

“I don’t know about beating some sense into his head, but I’ll help you find him. And as for the help investigating, any help at all would be much appreciated.” I raised my dermal ridge at the second part of her statement, but kept my peace.

She shrugged, then easily walked over to my other side at a nonchalant gait that seemed to be hiding something. Prosthetic acting up?. “He had a bit of a breakdown, I think.” She added, looking around.

“Considering what he said during our private conversation, I’m only surprised that this seems to be the first time he’s done this.” I looked down at the dirt. “I should know, I’ve done it before, myself.”

“He said, and I quote. I intend to do away with myself far away from any of you so that you may live long lives without the hands of fate intervening.” She shook the wing with the prosthetic, generating a rustling sound. “I’m not worried about him trying to off himself.” She looked away and mumbled. “That much.” She resumed her normal tone. “He didn’t take his meds.”

“That’s... problematic.” I said, in the an underwhelming way. “What type of medication was he on?”

She pulled out a pill bottle and shook it again. “No idea. Antipsychotics. I swiped a few spare bottles from a guy I know.” She smiled lightly. “So... you can fix ‘im, right?”

“Maybe, but when it comes to ‘healing’ someone’s mind, they have to be willing for it to work even slightly, and it’s extremely difficult even when they are willing.” Probably not the right thing to tell her, but damn it, I'm not going to give someone false hope.

Her disappointment was palpable. Poor girl. Maybe I should have given her some false hope.. “And the god spider doesn’t help. Or the griffon. Or whatever else is in there.” She rolled her eyes. “Fuck.” Sounds about right

“Yeah, it sounds like at best I would be able to seal off his mind from outside influence, and I’d have to literally sleep next to him forever after to keep that up. There’s no guarantee that even that would work.” And he'd probably run again at the first chance.

She blurted out “No way in hell are You sleeping next to him.” She hissed for a brief second before calming herself. “Damn it. Fuck it.” She closes her eyes. “You are like a wall. And a teacher. AT THE SAME TIME.”

“Funny that, I actually have my teaching degree. Physics and math.” I smiled wickedly. “And I can create an invisible wall if I so desire.” Trolololol. Eduard Khil sends his regards.

“If I wasn’t sure that you were secretly some kinda demon thing designed to make me angry, I would seriously kill you and drag your body into an alley, maybe make you into little strips of jerky.” She muttered. “So... any ideas how to track him?”

“Sorry about that, my inherent ability to be an asshole decided to act up.”  I blinked, then finished my thought. “Okay, this is going to sound extremely stupid to you, but I have a random hunch that he’s to the northwest of us. That silly spin you saw back there? The first time I did that it sent me to you, and now it’s sending me northwest.”

She sighed. “Honestly, if I have to deal with you, maybe it isn’t worth it...” She whispered under her breath so that I barely caught it. “Not like I really care what happens to him, no.” She straightened up, taking a more rigid stance in her movements. “SO. Go on, magic snake thing. Show me whatever fuckery you have to so I can find him and lock him in his room until he calms down.” She looked to the sky in a classic, ‘Why me’ gesture.

“Let’s get out of town first, I don’t want to rile up the local yokels too much.” I need to knock off the dickery. She’s obviously under a lot of stress about her feelings over Ivan, and him being gone, and I’m not helping. I started again, heading to the northwest portion of the town.

“And now you’ll get to see how I got here.” I began to survey the ground, learning the location for my elevated gateway.

She blinked and waited a moment. “I suppose a flying castle or something or a demon or a -” She gnashed her beak together, light grinding noise echoing from it. “JUST GET ON WITH IT.”

“And now, the magic.” my voice went completely emotionless, startling Catastrophe just a tad. I channeled a vertical slice in the air, that widened out significantly into a glowing rectangular hole in space. I then created my two wings on my shoulders.“Fly through the gateway, I’ll follow.”

“Where does it go, does it steal my soul, how long does it take, does this cause permanent damage in anyway to me or beings I know?” She babbled out.

“Look up, it makes an artificial cliff. It doesn’t steal souls, and it’s instantaneous. The only way it will cause permanent damage is if you fall, now fly through, please.” I coldly emphasized the last four words.

She turned away. “Fuck you. I’ll search for him myself. This REEKS of a fucking trap and I’m not going to fall for it.” She turned back to look at me, her eyes wide. “In fact. How the hell do I know that you didn’t take him?” She backed away slowly. “It fits. You were in town at the time. Came RIGHT to the airship. Lured away the only person guarding it, probably took an opportunity to signal your little friends to take over.” She continues to back away.

“Child. If I wanted to cause you harm, I would have done so already. This dustbowl of a town only still exists because I have no desire to hurt them at all. But if you are so distrustful of me, I will go on by myself. I will not tell your companion of your apparent lack of bravery. Do not try and follow me through the gateway, as I will close it immediately after I fly through. It will cut you in half.” With that, I slithered as fast as I could past the gateway, forming and reforming my wings as I went.

“Stop.” She sighed. “I’ll go.” She was lightly shaking. “I hate you so much. But... take me with you.” She flapped her wings and took off. “Just fly through?”

“Do it quickly, I have to be close to  keep it open. It’s hard to control your position while hang gliding.” I yelled back through.

She was trembling as she came through the gateway, and called to me. “I hate you.”

I let the gateway close behind her, and began to glide away. “Be that as it may, it’s the only way for me to get off the ground, and it saves you energy in getting altitude. Now follow me and watch. Your eyes are most likely better than mine.”

I had my back to her as she said “Oh hey, fate says fuck you.” She rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Probably better vision, along with a sense of humor and general looks. Where are we?”

“The sky just outside of Los Pegasus. I only made the gateway to go up. If I had been trying to make one to go anywhere else, we would’ve been waiting for forty minutes or more instead of two.” I could finally talk with emotions again as I let go of the source.

“What now? We wait until we hear the screams, or we wait until the giant monster shows up, or what?” She sighed, tucking her wings in to dive a bit before rising back up to my level. “You know, he could’ve gotten his fur dyed. I never thought of that.”

“Anything can go wrong, but we search. As for a giant monster, well, you’ll learn why I call myself Marty Stu if we need to deal with one.” I continued to scour the ground, looking for something useful.

I could only assume she was watching the ground below me. “This is kinda pointless.” She noted. “How does this help me anymore than if I did this without you? In fact, I would’ve made more progress if I HADN’T MET YOU.” Most people don't try and antagonize the guy who's trying to help them. Obviously, Catastrophe here isn't most people.

“Perhaps, but at least this way you have a direction, a companion, and a quick means of escape.” I closed my mouth, then relaxed in the breeze as I watched the ground roll past.

She growled quietly. “Can you please get angry or something? Give me something to do BESIDES BROOD IN MY FAILURE?” She screeched loudly, closing her eyes. “I wanted you to find him, not be there when I did.”

“Your failure? What failure? I’m fairly certain you’re the one who didn’t leave their friends behind.. without.. telling... them.” I facepalmed. “I don’t think you left a message as to where you went, did you?”

“Yeah? Fuck them. They can look up if they want to see me.” She noted, shaking her head. “Look, I...” She shook her head again, fairly certain that she was going to make herself dizzy. “I owe him my life. AGAIN. I’m not the sort that takes that lightly.” She rationalized, throwing her gaze back to the ground.

“Life debts are fun in that sort of way. I don’t take mine lightly either. I owe six mares my life and my sanity, and I still watch out for them when I can.”  I cracks my neck, then continued. “But that’s neither here nor there.”

“You sound like an old bastard, about to moan about how unsatisfying life is and how I should enjoy it while I’m young.” She groaned.  “Can you add something that would actually help me to the conversation?”

“Nothing that wouldn’t sound trite. And I think both of us have heard enough hollow platitudes.” Old bastard, that sounds about right, except my parents were married. To each other even.

She sighed. “So... Soul bonds. What do you know about that sort of thing?” Her voice was softer, less harsh.

“Depends on what you mean by a soul bond. My equipment has small pieces of my soul in it, and it’s bound to me that way, but I get the feeling that’s not what you mean.”

“Apparent-” She paused and swooped down low unexpectedly, diving at a fast speed.

“What are you doing?” I scaned everywhere, looking for what spooked her.

She rose back up quickly, her face torn in anger. “Fucking zebras.” She snarled, looking half rabid and gleeful in the fact she did. “Why the hell do they all look the same?”

“To confuse predators.” I said without thinking.

Her glare once again should have killed me. “Does your stupidity ever end? Damn. I thoug-” She shook her head. “Think happy thoughts, keep concentrated.” She looked down once more, scanning the crowd.

Very quietly, I replied “No. I wish it would.” I looked over at Catastrophe. “Surely he’s outside the city by now.”

“Can’t you use some kinda magic thing to track him? You can tear gaping holes in time in space but you can’t find a zebra?” She must think that shaming me will produce results or something. Too bad for her.

“If I thought I was going to need to find him, I would’ve woven something over him earlier, or given him a good luck charm made out of metal or something. I’m powerful, but useless for some things. This is is one of those things.”

“So... useless. Just what I thought.” She huffed again, turning away, her face twisted in worry. “Damn it all.”

“Could be worse, I could be a groundpounder, but have the only hope of finding him in time, rather than flying and have an idea of what direction he is.” I said nonchalantly.

She looked blankly at me. “I hate you. Just. So much fucking hate. If I had magic I’d cast whatever and you’d die.”

“I’m sorry I’m not better company, but I figured you’d prefer me acting like this than my other alternative of brooding, angst-ridden depressed idiot.” I sighed. “And I don’t want to inflict that on anyone.”

She looked around. “Would you be more helpful?” She began to fly further ahead.

“Probably not, plus I’d probably make you either more angry, or more angsty yourself.” I shut up, grabbed the source, and channeled a small gust of wind to lift up the wings of my hang glider. I ascended about a hundred meters higher in the air.

“Look, I think we should make slow spiral around, looking for him. Maybe see if you can taste his insanity or something.” She groaned. “I need to find him.”

“Doubtful I’ll be able to do that, but I’ve heard worse ideas.” I began to soar in a circle with my eyes closed, until I felt the urge to straighten out. “This way.” I stated

She followed noislessly. “Say. How good is your fighting?”

“Depends on what I’m using and if I’m allowed to channel or not. Why do you ask?” I looked back at her, slightly puzzled.

“It’s Ivan. After a while, you stop questioning if you’ll have to fight something. You just assume you’ll be fighting something and leave it at that.” She shrugged, then corrected her flight pattern to stay level with me.

“That sounds like me in a lot of ways. It’s not an if so much as a when for fighting something around me. Though a long time can and has passed between such shenanigans.” I paused for a moment before continuing. “Assuming I’m not taken out immediately by an ambush, I should be able to handle most problems.”

“How well will you do with fighting someone without killing them?” She asked,  almost like she was foreshadowing something. “It fits the next cliche.”

“Assuming I don’t have to do that to something like ten people at once, I can just bind them up in flows of air.” I smiled evilly. “That also makes for great practical jokes.”

“If you touch me I will kill you. There is nothing on this planet that will stop me.” She threatened in return.

“I kid, I kid. I wouldn’t do anything like that to someone I didn’t consider a friend, and was sure they considered me one as well.” I shook my head. “But yeah, I have some really funny practical jokes I can pull.”

She nodded like she actually cared. “Yeah yeah. I’ll invite you to entertain for my kids. Bobo the clown.”

“You would use someone who looks like me to entertain children? That drops you from the potential babysitter list.” I grinned at her wryly.

She glared and sputtered. “Do yo- What i- Wh- I HATE YOU.” She screamed.

She is so much fun to tease. I’m such a dick for doing it right now. I didn't respond to that, but started another loop, then released off on another course correction.

She let out a strangled scream of frustration. “Dick.” She finally said.

After that, we flew in the deafening silence of only our thoughts.

She cleared her throat. “How the fuck did he get this far? It’s only been a day.”

“Blind panic? Galloped till he passed out from exhaustion? We’re searching the wrong area? It could be any number of things. I don’t know.” I noted the position of the sun, which was starting to set. “Catastrophe, help me find water.”

She sighed. “Can’t you cast waterfall or something?” She descended closer to the ground. “I still hate you by the way.”

“It doesn’t work like that. I can’t create something out of nothing, and for finding material, I can only find metal. Which makes it really easy for me to get the raw materials for my job, but makes finding actually useful things difficult. Now then, let’s find water so we can set up camp.”

She nodded. “Mind that you keep your guard up.” She mumbled, turning away. Will do, lass. “I just might slit your little throat and watch the blood run down your scales.” She flew up higher. “Water.”

“As in you found some, or as in you want some?” I channeled another flow of air to ascend with.

She pointed down. “There’s a stream, dumbass. I can hear it from here.”

“Thank you.” I began to circle, descending towards a flat bit of stream. As I got closer, I shifted my wings back, acting like an air brake. I finally landed, with only a little abrasion of the scales of my belly. I quickly unwove the wing constructs, and then begins to circle about the area that seemed best for our camp, setting up the perimeter ward all the while.

“So, not that I really care, but for the sake of you actually telling me something vaguly important, What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing.” She dove from the sky and landed gracefully, her wings puffing out at the last second and slowing her down dramatically.

I turned to watch her land. “I give that landing a nine out of ten, ten being perfect.” I turns back to my warding. “As for what I’m doing, I’m warding the perimeter of the camp. I don’t exactly like the idea of waking up in someone else’s stomach, in chains, or robbed.”

She blinked. “They better explode. Can you make them explode?” She looked down. “Nononon. You should make them bleed out from their pores.” She smiled sickeningly, licking her beak. “Or or...” She thankfully trailed off, looking off into the distance.

“While I can do that... A ward that makes an alarm is a better idea. If I did what you’re asking, we’d have everything from snakes to dragons dying if they even brushed the edge of the ward, and I do not want the death of some traveler or kid on my conscience.” I finished up the circle, then moved back to the center.

“Yeesh, what are you, some kinda good guy? Who cares about a kid? Or some traveler. It would be their own damn fault for trying to sneak up on us.” She sighed. “Hey, you getting hungry, I’ll go hunt.”

I decided to ignore her callousness, and replied. “Yes I am, but you don’t have to go hunting if you don’t want to, I have more than enough food for the both of us.”

She blinked. “Ever kill a dog or something? Oh, you probably have some sort of deep dark inner hatred for slavers. Or some other random things to do with children?” She sighed. “And don’t bull shit me about the food. I’ll go hunt, you survive on whatever things you brought.” She turned away.

I called out to her. “Hold off for a moment. You won’t want to miss this.” I reached into my pack and pulled out my horn of plenty.

“Ewe’ve got to be kidding me.” I smiled at the pun. She turned back around. “Have fun with your... horn.”

I raised the horn to my lips, yelled out "behold!" then blew into the horn. A table appeared before me, then two chairs perfectly set up for the two of us. My side was piled high with meats in various states and sauces, while Catastrophe’s side was piled high with meat, fruits, and vegetables.

She stopped cold. She sputtered for something to say for a long moment and then relaxed, almost melting into the chair. “So. Wards. They work?” She said, looking far more relaxed than earlier.

“Yes. And to your earlier question, I don’t have an inner hatred for slavers, it’s entirely visible for the brief seconds I’m around them. As for children, I’m a parent. You don’t want someone else to hurt your kids, so you don’t potentially hurt theirs.” I settled into my chair, then tucked into my food.

She nodded. “So. Any chance that you could make alarm wards last forever?”

“Sure, but if I’m only going to be staying in place for one evening, and plan on crossing them myself eventually, why do so?”

“Could you say, key them to a certain location? Like, make it tell whoever is inside of the ward when someone crosses it?”

“I see what you’re getting at, but at best I could make it tell me what type of creature crossed the ward. Which, trust me, can be very useful. Knowing whether it’s a small critter or a monster is knowledge you definitely want.”

She holds out a talon without looking at him, her face a perfect picture of distaste. “Tents.”

“I only brought mine with me.” I looked about for a moment, then back at her. “I’ll let you use it for the evening.”

She shot me another one of her patented death glares. “Like hell. I’ll sleep outside of the tent, I’m not going to find myself in your ‘debt’ or whatever you could use as an excuse to see me again after this.”

“Suit yourself. I was only being the gentleman, err, snake.” I resumed eating.

“So. Human, right?” She asked curiously, slightly smirking.

“I think that word still applies to me. Why do you ask?” I looked at her, curious.

“No reason. None at all.” She kept on smirking, like the cat that had at the canary. “You can’t read minds, right?”

“No, but I could force you to tell me. And if we’re talking about humans, yes, I do know that Ivan is one. He told me himself.” I shrugged

She smiled even wider. “Oh? But you wouldn’t force me to tell you. That would go against your... ‘morals’. I figured Ivan told you.” She stretched out, cracking her back, relieving the tension bound up in there.

“Less morals so much as I’m terrified of what someone else would use my abilities for if they controlled my mind, so I refrain to avoid karmic retribution. There are of course exceptions that I will use the full power of my compulsion on others.” And I pray to whatever god is listening that those times are rare and far between.

She shrugged. “Whatever. I just know stuff you don’t and that makes me happy.” She blinked. “Wow. That kinda sounds petty, but you are a bastard so I don’t care.”

“Eh, everybody knows something someone else doesn’t. I’d rather not know everyone else’s secrets.” Life is boring when you know everything, from everything I can tell.

She sighed. “Damn it. You are both the most infuriating and the most boring person I have ever met. Geez, at least give me a hint of what to say to piss you off? Give me a little something to work with? It’s not like you are going to start a conversation I can relate to easily, and fuck it if you expect me to start something about what I think.” She looked at him. “Also, you creep me out.”

“I could give you something to annoy me with, I could even give you something that would likely anger me. I don’t want to kill you, so I’m not going to give you something that pisses me off.” Marty cocked his head to the side. “Boring is good, boring is in fact really nice. I’ve had way too much excitement in my life. And no, I’m not talking about rescuing a runaway zebra.” I sighed “I really hope you never see what I consider excitement.”

She winced. “Probably involves trying to be in multiple places at once trying to fix things and then something exploding.” She thought back to a few airship disasters and almost felt bad. “At any rate, what should I avoid? Not mention I eat animals or something else?”

I started to laugh. “Have you noticed what I’m eating? Bloody and cooked meat? Catastrophe, I’m a freaking carnivore, and I’ve hunted and butchered my own meat before.” I laughed some more. “So no, it’s not eating animals.”

“So? Just because you are a carnivore now doesn’t mean that you weren’t a vegetarian before. It would just be delicious irony if the sight of blood shed turned your stomach and you were a carnivore. And fate is a fucking bitch.” Her talons dug into the earth. “Fuck you, by the way.”

“I’ve only been a vegetarian when it was forced upon me. Not to say that I didn’t enjoy a nice salad every now and again, or a good piece of broccoli, but I prefer to be omnivorous.” I smiled and continued talking. “Fate is the largest bitch ever. What I wouldn’t do to find that cunt and gut her.” I continued to smile at her. “No thanks, but thank you for the offer anyways.”

She stopped moving for a long second. “You know, I’ve always wondered what snake tasted like. Do you think poison would spoil the flavor?” She spoke in a straight voice, though it seemed laced with death. She let out a tiny warning tell on purpose to inform him that pushing it further would probably end badly.

“Chicken. Snake tastes real similar to chicken. And you have to be careful to avoid the glands, but other than that no worries about the poison.” I just keep on smiling at this gryphoness who seemed to be wanting to kill me more and more.

She smiled back just as sweetly, maybe sickly sweet. “Not the kind of poison I had in mind.” She smirked and turns away. “You value friends, right?”

I nodded my head. “My memories of my friends, lovers, and children are the only things I get to keep. So value is a rather weak word for them.”

“Hmph. Found a weakness.” She mused, but shook her head. “Not going to push that one, family is something people shouldn’t joke about.” She shrugged. “Was fairly easy to get that from you though. Are you normally that easy to get information from?” 

“Depends on the information, and how much I care about keeping it a secret. Most normal, rational beings value friends and family. I like to think that I’m rational.” I gave her a slightly confused look.

“Rational. Tell me, do you know enough to keep your fucking mouth shut for a change about something?” She looked away and curled up against the ground, her wings falling to her side.

“Good night, Catastrophe.” I was starting to feel the time I had spent awake, and was hoping for a dream that didn't put me out of commission.

“One thing. Do you think it will work out?” She looked a little surprised at her own question. “You know what I’m talking about, right?” She let out a frustrated growl. “All I need is a yes or a no.”

“Yes Catastrophe. Everything will work out.” The expression of hope that bloomed across her face was one of the most beautiful things I had seen in some time. Too bad she didn't specify how she wanted things to work out. All things work out, after all.

“You sound like a teacher. Good night, you fucking dick snake.”

I laughed at her statement, then went to my tent, warding it before I entered it.





Above us, the lights of a million stars and a partial moon lit up the night sky like the most wonderful painting ever. That is what I woke up to, my throat raw, tears streaming down my face, and the distorted memory my dream forced upon me of my daughter Meliel. I woke up to the klaxon of my ward being tripped. I saw my temporary companion looking in from the flap of the tent. "Who?! What?! Where?!" I yelled out as I awakened instantly.

Catastrophe threw a dead rabbit at me. “Why the fuck are you crying?” She asked cruely.

I tried to calm down as best I could, and said the first excuse that came to mind. “Onions. I was cutting onions.”

She let out a huff and leveled yet another death glare. “Tell me, you idiot. If there is something around that can make you cry, I think I should know before it EATS me.” She yawned.

I sighed. “A horrible dream, and a horrible memory. That’s why I was crying.” I yawned back at her.

She blinked. “So... are you going to eat that rabbit? I’m still hungry and I was hoping that it would wake you up.”

I looked down at the bloody rabbit on top of my blanket and stared at it. I looked at it, and then up at her, then back at it, then started to laugh. I picked up the rabbit, and tossed it back to her, laughing all the while.

“Don’t you dare get hysterical or I will see how well you can laugh with a few holes in your throat.” She gently caught the rabbit.

My laughter finally died off, but not without a few more tears “I can breathe just fine, I’d rather you not give me a tracheotomy.”

“To be honest, I’d rather stick my talons in a fire and get another replacement then help you, you weird ass snake.” She turned away. “Try not to wet yourself.”

I looked down at my cloaca, and saw nothing. “I don’t think that will be a problem.” I gave her a faint smile, then tried to get back to sleep.

She looked down at the rabbit and sneered, her desire for the rabbit must have gone away. She tossed it onto what was left of the fire.“I hate you.”

I whispered back “I do not hate you, my friend.”

“Fuck you. And not literally, before you crack anything else.”

I smiled at her statement and that she still heard me. “Sleep well, and I hope your dreams are better than mine.”

With that, she threw her wings over her head to blot out his voice, amusing herself with imagining the several ways he could die the next day.

The rest of the night passed quietly, with no more confrontations between the two.





I woke up, groggy as usual. I noted that Catastrophe was still asleep, and decided to let her remain abed.  I grabbed my kettle from my pack, filled it with some stream water, and channeled some fire weaves in it to start it heating up to boil.

Catastrophe groaned heatedly, like she was having one of 'those' dreams. Her face looked slightly flushed, and then she let out a low purr. Glad one of us if having pleasant dreams. I thought idly.

I created a reservoir of unaffected water, and then set my chai mix into my water to steep.

She slowly stired awake, her blush not quite fading. “Oh great. You somehow fit a kettle in your pack.” She mumbled, not quite awake.

“Why not? It’s not like I need to carry that much in there. Anyways, do you like tea? If so, how do you like it?”

“Bloody.” She mumbled, then shook herself awake. “Why th- Not going to ask. Just. I. Er.” She groaned. “I hate you.”

“So you’ve said. So you want me to steep blood in boiling water. That’s going to smell awkward.” I began to look for something to use for the blood, cringing slightly at the coming ghastly smell.

“It’s pomegranates. Bloody tea. Pomegr- You actually thought I liked blood in my tea? What is wrong with you? Do you think I’m some kinda sadist who gets her fucking kicks off of draining blood from small animals and listening to their screams?” She looked incredulous and offended.

“I’ve met worse. And I’ve never heard it called that before. Let me look in my tea things for some dried pomegranate seeds.” I looked into my pack for my teat things and surprisingly found some dried seeds. I poured my cup of chai, then set her half aside to steep. A delicious fruit smell emanated over the campsite.

“So. Any idea where the hell Ivan is, why the fuck he thinks that getting away from me-” She blinked and I smiled. “And the group is a good idea, why he seems suicidal, or anything like that?” She asked while it seemed like her mind was working miles a minute.

“Could be any number of things, and psychology was never a specialty of mine, but I do have a few guesses.” I lifted up a hand, and started to count on it. “One, he is afraid he’ll get you hurt. Two, he might be afraid one of you will hurt him. Three, the spider god whatever thing decided to possess him. Four, he’s trying to misdirect some hunter only he knows about. Or five, he’s playing hide and seek and forgot to tell everyone.” I shook my head. “Five is pretty unlikely, knowing him.”

She seemed like she wanted to say something, but didn't aside from “Fuck you, and is there any chance he will attack us?” She looked to the distance and thought about what she had in her pouch.

“If options two or three are to blame, then that is quite possible. One or four he might also attack to get us to leave him alone so you don’t get hurt.” I looked across my cup at her, waiting for her reply.

She sipped her tea, her eyes shut as she schooled her features, probably so she wouldn't punch me. “So. In case he tries to fight, or we end up in a hostage situation, or what have you, what is your plan of action?”

“If he tries to fight us, I plan to use compulsion to make him go to sleep. It should do minimal to no harm to him. If we have to fight others, I’ll draw their attention while you catch them from behind. And before you take offense at me saying that you’re some sort of backstabber, you happen to be a decent amount faster than I am.”

She blinked and sipped the rest of the tea. “Nope. That is a horrible fucking plan.” She nodded.

‘Alright, I’m up for suggestions.” I gestured for her to speak.

“I’m willing to bet that he will try ANYTHING to get us to leave him. You know, stab little children, stab himself, give up parts of his soul, whatever the fuck goes on in his little head. Or, maybe we’ve been going the wrong way this entire time.” She smiled and carefully gave me back the tea cup. “Or maybe this is still a trap and you are still waiting for me to let down my guard. Or maybe you spiked my tea like I planned on spiking yours.”

“Only thing I spike drinks with is alcohol. And like I said before, I wouldn’t have bothered setting a trap for you. If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve done it from the get go.” I sipped at my chai, then continued. “As for us going the wrong way, it’s entirely possible, but I have my doubts that we’re on the wrong path.”

She groaned. “You are missing the point. We are chasing after a guy who thinks like that, so we should think like he thinks for a second and try to figure out exactly what he is willing t-” She blinked. “I think I’m going to need a vacation after this.” She clutched her head. “Damn it all. Fuck.”

“I’m going to go fill the canteens while you try and get inside his head. You know him a lot better than I do.”

“I’ve already been in his head. It’s not easy to explain and I don’t want back in there for a long time.” She groaned again. “Go stay on the mainland, he said. You’ll be safe there. Go live your life while your brother decides to try and right the wrongs of the world.” She hissed. “Fuck everything.”

I raised my dermal ridge at the former, then decided against commenting on the latter. I filled the canteens, then quick boiled them to sterilize. I closes the tops then set them in the stream to cool off.

She remained in her sitting position, staring blankly at the sky.  She must have been getting a headache as she brought her wings around her head. “Damn.”

I judged that enough time had passed, and pulled the canteens from the stream, then placed them in my pack. I then slithered back to camp, and noticed her brooding posture. “No luck?”

“Headache. Poppy. Please.” She moaned, shuffling towards me. She pulled out her pouch from her wing and ignored the few feathers still attached. “Give me a few poppy seeds from here, will ya? I’m not going to trust myself to keep from fucking up the doses.”

“Withdrawal headache, huh? Those are no fun.” I looked into her pouch, then pulled out five seeds, which seemed to be a fair dose. “Here you go.” I handed her the seeds, then closed the pouch up tight.

She sighed. “Look, don’t you dare think less of me.” She looked around. “Just.” She closed her eyes and turned away. “Why do you have to be so nice? Why can’t you be easier to hate unconditionally?” She chewed through the seeds. “Damn it, I hate you and I feel bad because you haven’t done anything to really deserve it. Make a mistake or something.”

“I’ve been annoyingly chipper, that’s worth hating someone over. I’ve been known to do that myself. As for thinking down on you for a minor poppy habit? You haven’t spent years of your life doing nothing but drinking.” My hands flickered a little, a small tick from my habit. “I’ve made plenty of mistakes, I just have happened to have learned from a few of them.”

“Ok. Shut up. I now have reasons to hate you and killing you is starting to sound good again.” Her eyes remained closed. “Ever had multiple prosthetics interfere with one another?”

“Can’t say that I have, considering I’ve built most of mine. Hard to have that be a problem.”

“Cool story. Mind shutting up? It doesn’t matter how godly you are, I can still kill you eventually, just like everything else in this fucking world.” She said with a note of desolation in her voice, as though she was switching to other things in her thoughts.

“I’ll shut up. If you want me to, though, I can take a look at prosthetics that aren’t needed for flight. I might be able to help with the interference problem.”

“Remember? You touch me and you don’t get to have little snake men with anything.” She snarled, looking at me. “Can we find him before you drive me nuts?”

A picture of a steering wheel in a pair of pants flickered through my mind, but I decided to not share that particular mental image. “Sure, just let me clean up camp real fast.”

She walked away, her gait unsteady at first before she straightened up. “Right. Just. I.” She seemed to be having trouble speaking “I hope I never see you again.”

I looked back at her. “If it happens, it happens. Whichever way it does, I hope you are happier.”

“Stop being a nice guy. Start being a helpful guy.”

I shot her a look of annoyance, and then begins to clean up camp. I help her look for her who knows what, I make bloody dinner and breakfast, I offer to keep helping in a myriad of ways, and she has the gall to say I should start being helpful? “That’s it! I’m dunking you in the stream!” I gestured at the gryphoness while channeling, and wrapped her up in flows of air. I then lifted her squawking body over the stream, then lightly dropped her in

She got absolutely soaked and she glared once again at me. “If you make a single wet feathers joke I will come after you.” She said, but lightly chuckled. “When I find Ivan I want to lock both of you in a room together until either your drive him sane or he drives you crazy.”

“I don’t know about the former, but the latter happened long ago.” I smiled insincerely at her, not knowing how she'd respond.

“So how many times has the female companion crept into your bed late at night and slit your throat?” She wondered aloud, joking. “Oh wait, you only live once, right?”

In a small voice, I replied. “Five times.”

She didn't comment on the swing in my vocal pattern. “Whatever.” She stalked out of the stream, water streaming off of her body. “No comment.”

I finished cleaning up, then looked up to make sure my ending point is clear. “Shall we head out?”

“Sooner we find him, the sooner I can forget about you, snake boy.” She kept her gaze off of me.

“Right.” I began to spin about, ending up pointing due east. I wove a gateway, reformed my wings, prepared to take to the sky. “Ladies first.”

She flew through without comment, her face blank.

I ran through, once more forming and reforming my wings as they pass the threshold. Closing it behind me, we soared into the east.

She continued to not talk, probably happy for the silence.

I merely glided along, enjoying the feeling of freedom..





An odd sound emanated from the ground below. It crossed pat my 'ears', clueing me in to something being there. “Catastrophe, do you hear laughter?”

She blinked and looks at me. “I was hoping that torn twisted laughter was in my head.”

I looked over at her. “No offense, but if we have a psychic link for some strange reason, I’m killing myself. Anyways, I think it’s coming from below us.”

She winced. “Damn. Harsh much?” No, for your own benefit She asked jokingly, trying not to look below. “I’m guessing-” A barrier of yellow appeared in front of her.

“Stay Away.” There was a cackle.

I sighed in relief. “Oh good, it’s definitely not from you.” I then scanned the ground, spotting a certain striped crazy.

“STAY AWAY DAMN IT.” The barrier expands and lurches around the two of us. Ivan fled.

I soared straight into the barrier. “Damnit Ivan! I can’t hover!” I yelled as he slipped downwards on the barrier.

Catastrophe soared down beside me and lightly picked me up. She made a face of revulsion at touching me. “What do you need to get him?” She pauseed. “Oh yeah, and try not to let him explode your head.”

The zebra rushed further ahead, sped on by an unknown demon.

“I have an idea, but it requires several things going right for us... Which I doubt will happen, seeing as we’ve used up a huge portion of our luck just finding him.” I sighed, then continued. “I’ll skim us ahead of him, then make us invisible. Assuming he continues going this direction, and assuming he can’t see through my weave, I should be able to use compulsion to bring him under control.” I shook my head. “Yay relying on luck!”

She dug her claws into my shoulders. “Why the fuck did you just say what you had to do out loud? That’s just pushing it. I’d be surprised if one thing works now that you said it so the narrative could follow it.” She sighed. “We have to think like him.” She said something almost inaudible.

“Right, think like the bloke who acts like he’s insane. My insanity involves making gateways into a planet’s core and corralling the local populace. Not running away from my friends.” I shook my head again. “Yeah, I’ve got nothing.”

The zebra rapidly got out of sight.

“Ok. We need to think this through.” She smiled. “I have a plan that may work. Trust me?”

“About as far as I can throw you, but that’s surprisingly far. What’s your plan?”I smiled wryly.

“Let’s wing it.” She punned, closing her wings and dropping like a stone. “Just follow my lead.”

“So we treat it like every battle in history after it has started. I like it.” I made a predatory smile. “First, I’m going to break this barrier down.” My voice changed, emotion dropping out completely.

A moment passed, then I weakly began hitting the barrier with hammers of air. I don't want to accidentally knock anymore of Catastrophe's feathers off, killing her by way of feather loss is something I'd rather not do. Fairly quickly, fissures began to appear on the barrier, which after a little while exploded outward.

She flared out her wings, putting extra stress on the talons gripping my shoulders.  “Can you fly on your own? Oh yeah. Not sure if he can do that, but he might try putting one of those barriers in your head. Might want to watch out for that, as much as I want you dead I’d rather be the one to do it.”

“Yes, though I’ll need to dive to build up momentum first. I’ll be sure to shield him as best as I can. I’ve blocked stronger opponents, so he shouldn’t be too hard.”

She shrugged. “So, should I just drop you or should I dive. Hmmm...” She laughed lightly, and began to dive towards the ground

“Whenever you feel like letting go, I should be fine now.” I felt the airspeed pick up.

“Promise me you won’t die until I kill you?” She laughed, her beak going into a vicious grin.

“Disembowelment by a gryphoness, sounds like fun.” I pulled my wings out of the dive, forcing the two of us into level flight.

She released her claws from my shoulders, letting me fly on my own. “So, any ideas on how to take him out from here?”

“My limit for fine control is about three hundred meters, or around a thousand feet. That’s the distance I’d want to risk compulsion from, and I’m as likely to kill him as knock him out from this distance.” I began to  swing my tail about, making a few course adjustments.

Cata sighed, then did a quick flip in the air, speeding up towards the direction he had been fleeing in. “I’ll go see what he thinks about the issue.”

I looked up at her. “Alright, be careful. He’s definitely not in his right mind.”

She smiled back. “Relax, will ya? I’ve faced down airships exploding, I can probably survive a zebra.” She looked away. “Even if he loves me or whatever.” She mumbled.

I caught that last bit, but refrained from commenting on it. You want him too, hon. It’s obvious. “Get out of there if he shows himself to be truly violent.”

“Yeah. Sure. Whatever, Snakedick.” She smiled as she quickly sped up further, her wings guiding her forward, her eyes trained to catch the tell tale stripes.

I tried to trim myself down to speed up, though it was fairly ineffective.

She kept her gaze on the ground, but her wings slowed down. “You... You... ARGHHH!” She screamed.

Learn some better profanity, yeesh. I started to dive and level out, and channeled a tailwind to heave myself forward. I caught up to see Catastrophe and Ivan doing a seemingly strange dance, one in the air and the other on the ground.

Cata swooped down at him and Ivan jumped away just as nimbly, Cata flying back into the air to repeat the dive. “Hold still and let me get my talons on you...”

With Catastrophe distracting Ivan, I was finally able to get in range. I formed a tapestry of the power in seconds, and dropped it on Ivan. “SLEEP!” I yell as it contacts the panicked zebra. He struggled against the command for a few seconds, then fell over, exhausted.

She let out a pant and hit the ground. “Ivan.” She groaned, then reached into her pouch, pulling out a few seeds to work on. She sat on the ground and watched him. “You aren’t going to randomly transform or something, right?” She asked nobody in particular.

I ignored her statement, then landed as best I could near the zebra. I reached out with the power, and slowly delved his body. Dehydration, lacerations on the legs, bruises everywhere, chipped hooves, and a bleeding frog. Definitely roughed up, but I’ve seen and healed worse. “I’ll go ahead and heal him, and then we can head back to your airship. We’ll need to be careful of his mental state and his dehydration, though.”

She picked up Ivan up and carefully carried him, flashing me a glare. “Well gee, what could’ve made you think that, genius?” She cradled him against her chest.

Replying in complete sardonicism, I stated. “Why thank you, milady. I have never been so complemented in my life.”

She spat out a few seeds on the ground, and in an almost motherly manner, continued carrying the downed zebra. “Do you think he’ll be ok?”

“Physically? I can make him fit as a fiddle. Mentally? Let’s find a real therapist.”

“Know any good ones around here?”

“Closest person I know of around here that is a decent therapist goes by Jim. Jim Bean.” I smiled for a moment, then continued. “And it tastes delicious.”

She blinked blankly. “Just. No.” She acted like she wanted to nuzzle against Ivan after he lets out a pitiful cry but stopped herself.

“I never said that there wasn’t a better therapist around here, just the one I knew about.” I cocked my head, then continued on. “We should try and get some fluids in him. He needs water.” With that, I brought out one of my full canteens, and slithered over to Catastrophe. “Here, you probably want to do this instead of letting me do it.” I held out the canteen to her.

“Just pour a little bit into his mouth at a time, then gently massage his throat so he reflexively swallows.” I instructed.

She gently placed him against the ground, propping him up with a wing. She placed the canteen against his mouth, and face growing red, massaged his throat. “He’s been running for two days.”

“Which definitely explains how he was able to keep ahead of the two of us on the wing.” I looked over at her, and watched the gentle scene in bemused silence, before looking away, not wanting to intrude.

As I looked away, I noticed a strange design on one of the nearby hills. “You going to be okay by yourself for a moment? I’m going to go look at something real quick.”

She nodded. “Yeah. Sure...” She said distractedly, her face lightly flushed.

I goes over to the strange marking in the stone, and noticed a border around the marking with what looked to be a strange script. Is that moonwhinney? No, the grammar is wrong and the … letters.. match... up with Latin...? Which I don’t really know all that well. Greek always seemed like a much more useful language. Maybe look for spanish cognates?

I continued to look over the script, trying to puzzle out what it said. Moonwhinney script, Latin words, and English grammar? The hell? Marty opens his mouth, and says. “Here lies the son of Clover the clever, Alfalfa the wise?” It came to me moments later. “A barrow! I was looking for a place where something was buried. This is definitely what Oponn was talking about!” I’ll come back after I’ve helped  Ivan. It wouldn’t be fair of me to ask for them to wait on me.

I turned around, then headed back to Ivan and Catastrophe.

Catastrophe looked even redder in the face than before and she felt half humiliated, still getting Ivan to drink water. She massaged his throat gently, trying to smile. “So. What did you find?” She asked quietly.

“A mystery and something I’ll investigate later. I had a hunch that something like this would happen. Dramatic convenience and all that.” And being ta’veren. “Anyways, I see that you’ve had luck in getting him to drink something.”

“Just a little luck. He feels really light.” She looked at me for a second. “I think he might be a little uh... malnourished?” She asked, then shook her head. “Yeah, malnourished. Do you think he might’ve been skipping meals or something?”

“It’s certainly possible, and that might have contributed to his running away. Hunger and lack of necessary nutrients can make you do some really stupid shit.”

She jerked her head and looked at the snake. “Am I rubbing off on you?”

“I don’t know. Could be. Just so long as you don’t literally rub off on me. I don’t think my girlfriend would approve.” I chose my words carefully. Well, maybe not girlfriend. Teddy bear with living privileges? I don't know.

“Who the hell would ever want to stay around you?” She looked down at Ivan and sat him on his side, laying him out.

“Hellspawn, duh.” I looked at her snidely.

She made a face. “Hellspawn. Right. Whatever. Soooo. What do I owe you for this?”

“Nothing. I’m fairly certain what I’m looking for is over by what I was looking at. So in return for ‘helping’ me in my investigation, I won’t charge you a thing.” I nodded my head at this. “Besides, money really isn’t something I care about.”

She looked back at Ivan. “Still.” She shook a little. “I suppose I have been a little.. Uh...” She looked down at the ground. “Abrasive.”

“No harm done, hon. I’ve not helped matters any, and my abilities tend to cause those with feline characteristics to dislike or mistrust me. Which, last I checked, gryphons have some feline characteristics.”

She looked away. “Yeah. You can say that.” She smiled lightly, which then disappears. “What do we do when he wakes up?”

“I shield him, and hope that we can calm him down. Your face would probably be better for him to wake up to. Equines are instinctively fearful of snakes.” I smiled, then continued. “Which, for better or worse, I resemble.”

She nodded. “Yeah.” She stares thoughtfully at Ivan. “So... what now?”

“Now, we wait. And I have a game that can pass the time. What you do is take a word that starts with a, like apple for instance, and then reply with a word that starts with the letter at the end of that word, so elephant would be a workable reply. The game continues until you can’t think of a proper word.” I waited for her reply.

“Tarry.” She said without looking at me.

“Ysolde.”

“Every.”

“Ysengrime.”

“Early.”

“Yolk.”

“Kooky.”

“You. You like ‘Y’ words, don’t you.”

“Unfortunately.”

“Ye.”

“Extremely.”

“Yield.”

“Duration.”

“Null.”

“Leery.” Time slowly passed as we played.

“Yip.”

“Perplexingly.”

I decided to end the game, as I noticed that Ivan was stirring. “I’ve got nothing. You used all my ‘Y’ words. Good game.”

She turned her gaze on Ivan and then she pounced on top of him, pinning him down. “Oh hell no, I’m not letting you move yet.” She half way snarled, halfway sobbed.

I seized the source, then placed the strongest shielding weave I could on the zebra, hoping to contain any magic from Ivan.

“Go away.” He mumbled without opening his eyes. She frowned at him and kept him pinned.

“Sorry Ivan, no can do.” Marty replied.

He slowly cracked open his eyes and stared at Catastrophe, his face going red for a long second before paling back to a panicked white. “I need to not be here. I’ll end up killing you.” Catastrophe remained on him.

“Uh huh. I’ve used that justification before. It’s stupid, and hurts everyone in the end.” I shook my head. “Plus, I think that getting Catastrophe here killed would just annoy her.”

She nodded, and then Ivan flared out his magic, seeking to push her off of him. It fades almost instantly as it impacted dully against my shield. “Stay here.” She demanded, almost hissing into the zebra’s face. “Stay here.”

He looked at me. “Help me? She’s warm.”

“And considering I’m worried about you going into shock, that’s not a bad thing. I think this is the best thing I can do for you.”

He slowly blinked. “So... why are you guys here?”

Cata slowly bit back her response.

“Business.” I figure that’s vague enough.

“Business.” His eyes look away from Cata and I.

Cata glared at the zebra. “And? You don’t even seem excited to see us.”

I merely raises my dermal ridge at Ivan in a questioning manner.

“Look guys, I know that you want me to come back, but I can’t.” He turned his head to look at the sky. “I need to get away.”

Cata looks at me. “What am I supposed to do now? He’s still nutty.”

“Got me. I vote we bind his legs and take him back to town. That will take care of the whole running away from us bit.” I looked to Catastrophe for her thoughts.

“Think we could shock him or something? Don’t crazy people get shocked? I’m clueless.”

Ivan squirmed. “Guys. Just let me go.”

“No.”

“Shh, the adults are talking here.”

The griffon smirked. “You know, he’s kinda like an adorable puppy, when he’s not trying to be naughty.”

Ivan blushed. “Guys. Please?”

“My sort of shock therapy kills, but I have heard of it working.” I muttered to myself much more quietly. “Also a sequel to a wonderfully bad movie.”

The griffoness blinked and looked at him, her mind abuzz. “Right. I’m just going to sit here and maybe he’ll stop being crazy. That’s less likely to kill him and less likely for fate to let him go.” She smirked down at Ivan, who looked miserable.

“Sorry bro. I’m not going to let someone hurt themselves when I can prevent it.” I smiled at him. “I’m just a dick like that.”

He glared at Catastrophe and I.

“This is kinda pathetic. Damn it, act your age, Ivan.” She rolled her eyes.

“I don’t want to.” He whined.

She huffed and rolled her eyes again. “So childish.” She picked up a taloned foot and put it on his throat.

I stared at that action slightly nervously, but said nothing.

Her right eyelid twitched as Ivan didn't react. “What. Are. You. Waiting. For?” She hissed, glaring down at him. She leaned down closer to express her ire more clearly.

“Catastrophe, ease up a little.” I looked at her anxiously. “I don’t think you want to really maim him.”

“Fiiiiiine.” She snarled, taking her appendage from his neck. “So what shou-”

Ivan let out a sigh of relief and then promptly kissed her beak.

Catastrophe went dead silent, not moving.

I looks on, doing my absolute best to not start laughing.

Ivan stopped kissing her. “So... can you let me go yet?”

She looked at Marty. “Did he just?” Her face was bright red.

I burst out laughing. I stopped for a moment, looked at the two of them, then started to laugh again.

Ivan attempted to shrug but couldn't because he was pinned. “Might as well.” He kissed her again.

“What.” She said, not moving her face. “You... D-don’t... Kiss a beak. You... Y-you.” Her face was torn between a look of shock and outright mental explosion. “What?”

I'm now crying I'm laughing so hard. “Oh... Oh god. Your face. I wish I had a camera to share this with everyone.”

Cata glared at me with one eye, but didn't move her face. Her glares should have long since killed me by now.

Ivan stopped kissing her. “What, you don’t like it?” He looked hurt.

“I. Uh. Er. W-what? You.” She stumbled over her words. “CAN YOU AT LEAST WARN ME BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?” She shouted.

Ivan’s ears closed against his head. “Oh.”

I wheezed from the sideline. “I... can’t... breath.” I finally started to get my laughter under control.

She growled loudly. “Marty...” She warned. “And uh... It was ok ...I guess.” She said in a softer voice to Ivan.

He smiled. “Oh, should I do it again?”

“If you do, I should probably leave.” I said with a mirthful tone.

She looked at him. “Stay here.” She hissed then lunged at me.

Ivan, of course, ran for it.

She turned away, a few seconds from using her rage to pummel me. “Did he just...?”

“Nope.” I said emotionlessly as I bound the escapee with flows of air, then lifted him up and over to us.

“Aw. Damn it.” He said without any real feeling.

Cata blinked slowly, her face still red. “Marty, if you ever tell anyone this I will hunt you down and shove your tail down your throat until it comes out your ass. YOUR ASS. YOU HEAR ME?”

“Biological impossibilities aside, I wouldn’t dream of it. This moment is too precious to use as blackmail.” I tied off the weaves holding Ivan, then set him down. “Now you can’t run away.”

Cata sat down a bit away from Ivan. “Think we should try his meds?”

Ivan frowned at Cata. “Uh... why are you over there?”

I looked over at Catastrophe, and answered. “Probably couldn’t hurt.”

“Because Ivan, beaks are sharp. If you kiss them, you’ll get cut.” She said in a matter of fact tone, then tossed me a pill bottle.

“Oh. Guess I should get chapstick or something.”

“Or prepare for a lot of scars.” I took a look at the bottle, and took out an appropriate dose. “If I put this in your mouth, are you going to take it? Or am I going to have to force you to swallow? I know how to force you to swallow if you spit it back out.”

He looked up at me. “Got any water? I’m thirsty.”

“I’m sure.” I brought out my second canteen, and tipped it up so that Ivan can drink from it easily.

He drank from it greedily.

Catastrophe stared at him while he does so. “So...” She started, but doesn’t finish.

“Doh” I answered back, musically.

She glared. “We will not start a musical segment.”

“Dang it, I had what is love planned.” Ivan complained.

“Probably better than part of ‘The sound of Music’.”

“JUST GIVE HIM THE PILL.” She screamed, fighting back another blush. “Uncrazify him so I can beat the shit out of him for kissing me.”

Ivan frowned. “So... you didn’t like it?”

I raised my dermal ridge at Catastrophe, and then placed the pill on Ivan’s tongue. “Some water to help the medicine go down.”

“Just a teaspoon?” He asked, but swallowed almost obediently.

I smiled at this, but made sure Ivan got a decent amount of water. “You took it without complaint. I almost feel proud of you.”

He spat a mouthful of water into my face. “Yeah, fuck you.” He mumbled. No thanks.

Cata clapped. “Oh look, he takes after me.”

“You both do know that I can dump the both of you in the nearest ocean, no problems, right?” I grinned evilly. “In fact, that’s one of my favorite ways of dealing with douchebags.” Like the douchebag versions of Prince Blueblood. Such an effective way to deal with him.

Ivan frowned. “Can I go now? I kinda don’t want to be here...” He looked away at the fields around them.

Catastrophe groaned. “Damn, I’ve been flirting with disaster.”

“Family of yours?” I asked snidely.

“Marty, if yo-” She burst into laughter. “Heh...” She chuckled. “Oh it’s been a long couple of days.”

Ivan looked at her. “You telling me? I’ve been running for two days straight.”

“Yes, but she’s dealing with me sleep deprived. I’m more than a bit of a dick when I’m sleep deprived.”

“If you were anymore of a dick I’d see how much I could sell you to the sex trade.” She sniped, looking at Ivan.

Ivan laughed weakly. “I should’ve known someone would track me down.”

At that, I shot Catastrophe a look of pure hate. “Don’t even joke about that. Not around me, not ever.”

She recoiled slightly. “Huh. I probably should’ve known you would be sensitive about the ‘friend trade’.”

“I don’t want to talk about it, but I hate it, and I kill things I hate.” There is nothing jovial in my tone any more.

“Cata.” Ivan said, his voice cracking. “I’m kinda scared.”

Catastrophe looked me in the eyes. “Snap out of it. You’ll do something you regret.”

I grabbed a hold of myself, and used a calming exercise, breathing in and out slowly several times. I felt smaller and older with each exhalation. After the sixth exhalation, I looked over at Catastrophe, feeling every year, every loss, and every wound. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

She glared. “That’s right. Now apologize to Ivan. You scared him and he is still insane.” She closed her eyes. “Good. Fucking. Job.”

“I apologize Ivan. No one should have to see that part of me, especially someone who is hurting.” I felt like I could break with a touch.

Ivan closed his eyes and opened them. “Actually, I kinda feel better around Catastrophe, you know?”

The griffon groaned. “Marty. You’ve got to stop being a... You’ve got to stop.” She sighed. “Stop trying to be perfect. It isn’t going to work and it’s just going to drive you nuts. Like Ivan.”

“Perfection is impossible, as well as boring. No, I’m merely trying to atone.” I found my mask, and put it back on. “But that’s neither here nor there. Lets get him back into town, shall we?”

Cata nodded. “Uh...” She looked at Marty. “Thanks. I’m a little sorry that I didn’t trust you, but thanks, I guess.”

Ivan shrugged from being carried. “I’m just saying that the hot tub had better not be occupied.”

“No promises. But lets start out. No offense, but I have other things I need to get done.” I embraced the source, and created a skimming gateway, too tired and worn out to go to the trouble of making a traveling gateway.

Ivan looked at him. “Where are you going?”

“You know the spider god you have in your head?” I shook my head. “Yeah, I have something similar, except mine is better behaved. He gave me a long term goal, and in return he owes me a favor.”

Cata nodded. “Like the one I don’t owe you.”

“Like I said, this chase led me right to where I think is next on my task list.” I looked at her, then continued “So yeah, that squares us up nicely.”

The griffon smiled. “To be polite, if we ever meet again I might try to skin you alive and set you on fire.”

Ivan blinked. “Uh... did something happen between you?”

“Oh, we found we have a significantly different opinion on art. I like surrealism, and she likes the destructive anarcho movement. Simple as that.” I flicked my tongue at her.

Ivan blinked. “So you pissed her off and she didn’t kill you?”

She looked away.

“To be fair, I think she’s a little intimidated by me.” I fake whispered to Ivan.

“To be fair, you can tear holes in time and space.” He pointed out. “I’m terrified beyond belief of you, myself.”

“Point. Anyways, shall we?” I gestured to the open portal.

Ivan looked at it. “Where does it go?”

Cata picked him up and they both fly through.

“WAIT! THAT’S NOT A GATEWAY!” I yell as loud as I can. “Land on the platform!”

She blinked and lands. “Wow. You really do suck.”

“This is known as skimming. It’s similar to the gateways I make, except slower. If you didn’t land on that platform, you would eventually tire, and fall forever, eventually dying of thirst or madness. I’m doing this so that we don’t have to wait a stupid length of time for me to learn the area.” I exposit.

She blinked. “You can die of madness?” She looked at the zebra worriedly.

“Well, it’s more or less death by madness. Your brain shuts down, and nothing can reboot it. But this place is just special like that. It’s the falling for forever in complete darkness that messes with your mind like that.”

She nodded. “Sounds... uh... interesting?”



“Well, if there’s someone I really detest, and don’t feel like torturing them to death, I just throw them off the platform.” I thought for a moment, then continued. “And no, neither of you qualify for that particular horror.” As we stepped on the black metallic circle with green and blue pulsing lights, we started off.

Ivan nodded blankly. “Remind me to never piss you off.” He said, his eyes slowly draining of madness. “You know, when I’m not trying to plot out something it is a lot easier to think. I might hire someone to do the planning.”

The griffon smiled. “What, and miss out of the fireworks after your plan fails?”

“Fireworks are fun.” I continue the ride in quiet, saying nothing else.

The zebra smiled. “Can you unbind me yet? I’m not into anyone watching me, if you catch my drift.”

Catastrophe blinked blankly before the meaning slid through. “Bondage, hmmm?”

I untied the weaves over Ivan without comment, focusing on the task at hand.

He laughed. “No.” He sank to the ground, laying on his side.

She shrugged. “Whatever.”

I opened up the end of the wormhole, letting light shine in. “That’s the ride folks. Please remember all of your carry-ons, and have a nice day. And as always, thank you for riding Stu wormways.” Flippancy and the emotionlessness of the void always combine awkwardly.

She shook her head.

“I’m going to have to report you to your company, there were entirely too many things wrong with that flight. The engines, for example, were on fire.” Ivan joked.

I emerged from the hole, followed by Ivan and Catastrophe. I let go of the power after closing the gateway, then answered. “Any landing you can walk away from. Now, I’m going to go find the nearest bar, hire a room, and then drink myself into oblivion. Maybe I’ll finally get a decent nights sleep.”

Ivan looks at Catastrophe. “Hot tub?”

“Hot tub.” he replies, smirking.

“You two kids have fun.” I began to slither off.

Catastrophe waved half assedly at me. “Fuck you Snake.”

Ivan shrugged. “So... where does this leave us?” He looked at her deeply.

“Cut it out with the eyes, Neon pegasus.”

He flinched. “I thought you said you forgot about that!”

“Hell no.”

“Damn it.”
> Dungeonnssss and Hopefully no Dragonsss
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I woke up the next morning with no hangover, my habit of drinking an excessive amount of water along with whatever alcohol I was drinking serving me well, along with no memory of the night before. Alright, pay the innkeeper whatever I still owe them, and then gateway back to the barrow. As I put on my armor, I noted that for a play on old-school Vegas, this room was fairly normal. I walked down the hallway, observing how that it wouldn't have been out of place on my Terra save for the gas lighting.

I walked down to the lobby, handed over the bits needed to pay for my room and alcohol, and grabbed onto the source. I went into an alleyway and opened a small skimming gateway, and slithered in, closing it behind me, willing the platform to head towards the barrow. I contemplated what I would find as I would search. Will I find a simple grave, or perhaps a mausoleum full of traps for an unwary tomb robber. Only time will tell. I shook my head and waited for the end of my ride.





I emerged onto a hillock near where Ivan and Catastrophe had been reunited. I know the stereotype about crazy chicks and how good they are in bed, but there's crazy, and then there's CRAZY. I maneuvered over to where I had found the worn placard, and began to feel around with flows of earth, trying to find an entrance and figure out how big this complex was.

I was astounded by what I found. "What the unholy fuck!? This thing is that! Big!? How!?" I sat down in my coils. "Channeling from dusk till dawn something of this size and complexity would take me at least a solid month! And for what, the son of one famous unicorn!?" I slumped for a moment, and then straightened back up. "I guess there's no helping it, time to go search about fifteen klicks worth of halls." I then headed over to a bit of stone that looked like it had been placed there to bury the place. I grabbed at it with a few flows of air, earth and fire, and reconstructed it into a doorway that led into the tunnels beneath.

"Once more unto the breach." I quoted before entering. I noticed that there was no light within the tunnel, any spells or contraptions useful for keeping the place lit long having since faded. Every seven or so meters I would channel a small ball of light and tie it off, illuminating my progress as well as setting up an easy way to retrace my path.

I came across what looked to be a few holes in the wall, about two-thirds of a meter off of the ground. I quickly wove and tied off a wall of air in front of the holes and moved forward, hearing a few satisfying clunks as tiny darts hit and disintegrated  upon impact with the wall. I don't think the ones who engineered this tomb's defenses anticipated anything like me. I stopped for a moment. Then again, it's kinda hard to anticipate what kind of tomb robber you're going to have to deal with.  I stopped at a four-way intersection, and began to look down each hall. I marked the path I came with a small sign of light saying exit on it, then tied it off. I then turned left, and put a one on the entrance to my left, a two on the middle path, and a three on the rightmost path. I then proceeded down the left hallway, continuing to put up balls of light as I went.

I entered into a small room, dimly lit by a few spells and took in the room before me. I saw a closed door at the other end and a bunch of random bones on the floor. There were also four shelves set in a triangular pattern in the middle of the room, the point of the triangle pointing towards the door. Oh goody, a puzzle. I sarcastically thought as I began to walk about the room, looking for a clue as to what I would need to open the door.

As I looked, I saw one of the bones shiver out of the corner of my eye. I instantly focused on it, and tried to break it with a flow of air. "A random bone moving? If I'm not dealing with some sort of skeleton coming back together then I'm going to be very surprised." I was more than slightly surprised when my weave evaporated. "Huh, that's new." I tried to grab the bone to break over my knee, when it jerked away and became part of one of four skeletal beasts.

I took in the skeletal beasts quickly, noting what species they came off of. "Huh. Looks like someone cobbled an alicorn together out of dead pony bones. That one's definitely a diamond dog. That's almost surely a gryphon skeleton. That last one? A canid with wings? The hell?" As I finished commenting on these new creatures' construction they all turned their empty skulls towards me. "And you're going to all attack me now, aren't you?"

As if in answer, they all charged me at once, all three of the skeletons with wings taking to the air. Further proof that magic is cheating. Somewhere, a physics professor is crying and he does not know why. I wove a few fireballs, and tossed one at all three of my airborne opponents, ignoring the charging diamond dog. Once again, all three of my weaves were dissolved by the bones of these creatures. I ducked underneath the flying critters, grabbing my helmet from its hook, locking it into place on my head right as the diamond dog skeleton tried to claw at my armor.

I gritted my teeth at the sound of the noise of bone being worn away on my right cuendillar pauldron, and grabbed the arm with my left gauntlet, and pulled it across my front, snapping the dried bone of the left humerus with a palm strike from my right gauntlet. Sharp bone, but so brittle with age that I could probably break them with a few thrown rocks. I then proceeded to punch the diamond dog's sternum, shattering it like a dried twig.

I was about to destroy the skull, when I noticed that it had a red square on it. That might be important. I thought to myself, before merely pulling the skull from the skeleton, watching as the rest of it shattered on the ground. I tossed the skull to my tail, and used it to gently set the skull on the ground before turning my attention to the creatures in the air.

The curious winged canid rushed at my side like it was going to try and rake open my flank, and the squeal of bone on heartstone and the sound of said bone snapping echoed through the chamber. It flies pretty damn fast, but is as fragile as its counterpart. I can definitely work with this if the others work on similar principles.

The other two skeletons seemed to be content to hover in mid-air, watching my motions. I wove fire and earth at a part of the floor, melting it to the point with which I could pick it up in a cocoon of air. I managed to spatter both the 'alicorn' and the canid with some of it, melting away a few of their ribs.

While the other two were still shrugging off the molten rock I had just thrown on them, the gryphon chose that moment to slash its bony talons across my exposed tail, eliciting an "ow" out of me. I turned around, and hit its wing with my saber, breaking it off. I brought my saber to a quick two guard, and then sprang forward like the snake that I was, taking the gryphon's head off with a single stroke on its feeble neck. I caught the now free head with my off hand before putting it on the floor, turning to face my two remaining enemies.

The canid came back in, and began a zig-zag motion as it came at me. I came to a six guard, and waited till it was right on me, and slashed at its side, nicking its bony paw.

While this was happening, the alicorn grabbed the wing of its downed ally, and began to swing at my head and neck with the appendage. Little fragments of bone began to break off, getting everywhere. I retaliated by smacking the brittle bone with my hand, destroying it, then throwing my saber at the alicorn. I caught my saber in a flow of air, and used it to simply lop off the skeleton's head, sending the entire construct crashing to the floor. The head survived the impact with only a crack going down the middle.

Now able to finally focus on the canid, which was hovering above me and a little to my right, I tried the same trick with my saber, flinging it in my grip of air at the skeleton, and imbedding it into the ceiling. I facepalmed at my miss, and then prepared to try and take it out with just my own body. 

Whatever intelligence the creature once had was clearly gone, as it started a straight-line path for me, teeth bared and bony fore-paws outstretched. I waited until it was almost on me, and then grabbed its neck, and pulled. The head came off, and the body fell apart nigh-instantly. I took a breath, then started to work on figuring out the puzzle.

"Alright, there are four heads and four shelves. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the correct combination of heads on the shelves is going to open the door. Might as well start putting the heads on the shelves and go from there." I put the alicorn head at the front point, and the canid head at the middle of the triangle. The gryphon head put on the left point and the diamond dog head on the right. I heard a single click, and watched as the alicorn head shelf descended into the floor. "I'll just assume that one was right, and start to maneuver these last three about."

I tried putting the gryphon head in the middle, the canid head on the left, and the diamond dog head on the right. All three shelves followed their predecessor into the floor. "Huh. Lucky guess. I'm just glad I didn't have to test all the possible combinations for this puzzle. That would have taken a good thirty minutes at least." The door opened with a little mechanical difficulty, reveling the next room.

I walked through, only to find a dark dead-end. I channeled a ball of light, illuminating the small room and a small chest. I opened the chest, and pulled out a small ruby carved into the shape of a unicorn's horn. I put the ruby in my pocket, and began to retrace my steps towards the four-way intersection.

Reaching the intersection, I went down the left hall, which turned left and then right, blocked by a double door with two recessions above the loop door-handles. I closely examined the recessions, and noted that the right one was in the shape of a unicorns horn, whereas the other was the shape of a stylized wing. "I'm guessing that I'll find a stone carved in the shape of a wing down that last passageway. It'd fit the cliche dungeon vibe I've gotten from this place so far." I did an about face, and continued back to the intersection.

Going down the final path, I came across a simple metal door after slithering a decent ways. I opened it up noisily, and began to go in. I lazily went about it, and depressed a stone with one of my coils. The door shut rapidly behind me, and cut off six inches of my tail with the pressure of it closing mixed with the sharpness of its edges. I hissed at the pain of losing a part of myself, and began to prepare a fire weave to cauterize the now gushing stump. "Yeah, this is going to hurt. Also is probably going to make me a little hungry and woozy." I channeled a small wall of fire next to the end of my tail, and pushed them together. I grunted loudly and broke out into a sweat as my tail sizzled, the smell of meat cooking filling the room.

I heard a squeak, and looked up from taking care of my tail, and noticed that the room seemed slightly smaller. As I watched, the walls on either side of the door crept closer together. I rolled my eyes, and reached out with flows of earth, looking for the machinery that was driving the walls towards me. I used a simple combination of earth and air to break the linkages going to the walls. Letting go of that weave, I noticed that the walls that had been coming together had a couple of really nasty stains on them. "Obviously, this place has had a couple of attempted thieves before."

I began to search around the room after I bandaged up my cauterized stump, and found that I could push the walls back with little effort now that the pushing linkages had been broken. As I finished pushing the left wall all the way back I found another door which opened easily into another small room. I illuminated it, and found another small chest. I opened it up, and found a topaz carved into the shape of a wing. "Obviously, this goes into the other recession." I stated, and then went back the way I had come.

I tracked my way back to the double doors and put both stones into their respective sockets, and heard a click from the door. I pushed it open, and saw a long, dark hallways from the light of my orbs. "Oh goody, A long, dark spooky hallway. Oh well, nothing to help it but go down the hall." I continued my current habit of putting up balls of light every now and again as I went on down the hallway.

I spotted an odd depression in the floor right underneath a similarly odd protrusion that looked kinda like a hinge. I channeled both earth and air, and began to look for a trigger for the obvious trap. I found it after a little bit of searching, and set it off. I watched as the floor fell open along with the hinged ceiling opening up and raining down what appeared to be several tons of sand into the pit beneath. I coughed at the dust that it kicked up, and watched as the sand started to slowly go down as the floor hinge attempted to close itself with the sand keeping the halves from moving. I melted a couple of different caution signs into the floor in front of and on the other side of the trap, and then crossed over on the edges of the pit.

I continued walking, and was curious when the hallway suddenly narrowed. "Trap ahead, or I'm not a troper." I soon after that spotted a metal wire that reflected the bluish light of my channeled globes across the floor at about pony fetlock height. I gently but firmly pulled on the wire with a flow of air, and was not surprised when I heard the whine of rusty metal and saw a few pendulum blades begin to quickly swing across the hall. "I wonder if I should break these -whoops." I stated when I saw one of the blades shear off it's wooden haft. "I think trying to just stop it from swinging would cause these to break all the same. Break all of them I shall." With that, I channeled a minor weave of fire at each haft, and felt a flicker of amusement go across the void as I watched each haft go up like they had been dipped in oil. 

I continued on, keeping a sharp if sarcastic eye out, my slightly wounded coils propelling me across the ground at a decently ground-eating pace. I saw a path branch off to the left up ahead, and decided to go down it, traversing a small bronze line in the floor that went across the entire hallway. I heard a few rats squeaking and kept on going, the hallway eventually opening up into a much larger room.

In that room, I spotted an interesting creature, it seemed like it was asleep or dead, it's multifarious arms and too many fingers folded up oddly, as if the creature was in state. The rat I heard before ran over to the creature, and began to sniff at it as if it was considering the creature as a meal. The creature's horribly blood-shot eyes snapped open, and out a too-many fingered hand shot to grab the rat, which squeaked once, twice, and then let out a horrific cry that I had not known that a rat could make. I watched in fascinated horror as the rat dissolved into a gelatinous goop which the creature began to stuff into its finger-toothed maw.

I waited until the creature had finished its horrific meal before making a noise of my own, putting up a wall of air between myself and the creature. "Hello there, can you help me?" I stated as companionably as I could through the emotion deadening property of the void.

The creature hissed and rushed towards my barrier wall and began to beat on it, the bones of its dozens of arms and fingers cracking like they were breaking with each movement of the beast. I winced at a particularly powerful hit by the creature onto my barrier of air that caused the hand and arm to snap into a horrific break.

"It's obvious that you are unintelligent, and if allowed to be free could cause a great deal of harm to those around you. I do this to protect, not out of malice or sadism. Farewell, you unique creature." I channeled multiple weaves of fire and air around the creature, and started a firestorm around its body, incinerating it. As it burned, it screamed and thrashed, each scream piercing the air and making me wince. I turned up the heat again and again, the odd resistance the undead creature had to my flames allowing it time to scream horribly again and again before it finally succumbed to the heat of the firestorm I had created and turned into a pile of ashy bones. 

"I apologize for not making your death faster, creature. I suppose that I should have stuck to the axiom of there being no kill like overkill." I began to search the room, and noticed that some of the stonework did not quite match up with the rest of the stone around it. I walked over to it, prepared to channel it open, one way or another, when I discovered that it wasn't quite real when my hand went through the stone. "Huh, a still functioning illusion. Impressive magic work for it to have lasted this long." I walked through the illusion, exposing a small hallway going towards another shut door.

I opened up the door, and walked inside, taking in the room I had just entered. I spotted three platforms, one of them depressed with five metal weights in it, another a pitcher and several cups of various sizes on it, and a mirror image of the platform with the weights in it. I began to look at the cups and noticed that the pitcher was full of mercury. I picked up one of the weights, got a feel for the weight, and swapped all five of the weights to the other platform. That platform went down a ways, and I got inspired. I pushed down on the now empty platform with my hand until I heard a clicking sound from the door. I grabbed the door handle with a flow of air, pulled it open, and then wedged it open with a few flows of air. I lifted my hand off of the platform, and smiled in cold satisfaction when the door didn't close.

I walked into the small room and opened the small chest within. I pulled out a decent sized piece of jade that had been carved into the likeness of a dragon's head. I put it in pocket in my pack, and turned around and headed back the way I had come. I reached the intersection that this pathway had T-d off from, turned left, and began to walk.





I spotted a door at the end of a hallway, and felt a flicker of excitement across the void. I sped up, careless of the floor and walls around me. As I ran, I felt the floor depress underneath me.

I ducked and covered my head. Shit! I thought to myself, waiting for whatever pain was going to come my way. I heard a whooshing noise and felt gusts of air through the gaps in my armor. I opened my eyes, and noticed that all there was was a few sparks and a few spouts that were emitting the sound of air being moved. I chuckled in nervous relief that I had avoided some burns only by virtue of the traps age and more luck than I was used to.

I regained my composure quickly, and began to walk up to the door, watching my surroundings much more closely. I pulled the jade dragon's head out of my pouch and put it into the socket on the door, and was pleased to see it unlock and slide open revealing an oddly still-lit generously spacious room. A room that was occupied by something very interesting.

The room's current occupant's jeweled eyes brightened, and the rest of the creature began to stretch. I looked up and took in the massive skeletal dragon in the room. I asked "Hey there, how ya doin?"

The dragon looked at me, and then laid back down with what I would call confused body language, seeing as how it's hard for a skeletal creature to have expressions. It opened its mouth and began to speak in a gravelly, hissing tone. "Why have you come here, creature of Tirek the Destroyer?"

"I am only Tirek's in that the name of species bares his name. I do not belong to the Equisian god of evil by any stretch of the imagination." I cracked my neck. "As for why I am here, I am here to take a small artifact that I believe is here. It will help me bypass the onus of my species. It is known as the clover of Clover the Clever."

The dragon sighed out a column of air that pushed hard against my frame. "You have come to the right place, little mortal. Clover's carved emerald is in the box upon the dais. However, I cannot allow you to take it. I have been bound to guard it and body of her son, Alfalfa the Wise."

"Then we are at an impasse. I need that item, but I have no interest Alfalfa's remains. Would your binding allow me to restrain you and only take the emerald?" I had no interest in destroying this guardian who was only wanting to fulfill his duty.

"The bonds on my soul would compel me to seek out the stone and the one who took it to the very edges of Equis. Partly to return the item, and partly to kill the thief. I realize that my answer is not the one you were looking for." The dragon's body language put off a sad and depressed resignation to his duty to kill all who would take from this tomb.

"You are correct, your answer is not the one I was looking for. I assume that the way to break the bond on your soul would require killing you." The dragon nodded. "Would you like for me to free you?"

The dragon nodded again. "I would defend myself, but I would thank you with my dieing thought. I am tired of this existence, a slave set to guard the tomb of a unicorn that has surely been forgotten by time. I only ask that you remember my name to Temeraire the Scholar. Tell him that I, Nanshilai, am finally free from my bondage."

I brought myself to my full height. "I, The Marty Stu, do swear upon my real name that I shall carry word of your fate to Temeraire the Scholar if he yet lives of the final fate of Nanshilai the dragon." I drew my saber, and saluted Nanshilai.

"Thank you, titled one. I shall sing your praises in the afterlife." He drew himself up to a fighting position, and then lashed out with one of his claws.

I caught it in a flow of air, smiled sadly up at him, and then blew his skull apart with another flow of air. I watched on in detached sadness as an honorable creature finally died, the magics connecting all of his bones together disintegrating. I walked over to the dais, pulled out the emerald carved in the shape of a clover, and began to learn the area.





I opened a gateway out of the barrow and tied it off. I then began the arduous process of taking Nanshilai's bones through the gateway, closing it behind myself when done. I channeled fire as hot as I could safely make it in the atmosphere, and watched as his bones melted into ash, mixing in with the soil of the cliff overlooking the ocean. "I commend your remains to the air, the earth and the waters of Equis, Nanshilai, guardian of Alfalfa the Wise's remains. May your spirit find peace in the hereafter. Farewell." I turned around, opened up a portal into Tel'aran'rhiod, and began to look for Oponn.





"So you have finally found the first artifact. Very good." The Lord stated.

"So I did, Oponn, so I did. Do you have any leads on the other five artifacts that I'll need to find?" I asked calmly.

The Lord answered me again. "There is a species of cat-man that lives to the south of Equestria, reaching all the way south into the lands of what we believe is known as Saddle Arabia. They might be suitable for finding a source for bad luck."

"Another place to look is the shrine of Hurricane, or any other ancient hero of this realm. A horseshoe from one of them would work excellently." intoned the Lady.

"Other things that would imply bad luck would also work. A famous mirror broken, perhaps. A representation of a screech owl might also work." The Lord replied.

The Lady thought for a moment. "Other famous symbols of good luck would be workable options. A coin found heads-up at the bottom of a natural well, for instance."

"I will research and ponder the things you have told me. I must bid you farewell, as I am exhausted." I stated, yawning. "I'm going back into the real world." I turned around, signaled that I was incoming at Violet's house, and opened a portal from Tel'aran'rhiod to the real world. I slithered into the room, and closed the gateway behind me.

I felt a pair of hooves reach around my upper body and heard a soft voice in my ear. "You worry me when you don't check in like this, Marty. Oh, and your tail is hurt, too. What am I going to do with you?" She admonished me, gently.

"Right now? Let me get some willow bark tea and sleep like a brick. I'm exhausted, but I will tell you all that I did in the morning." I had noticed that it was after nightfall when I looked out the window.

Violet chuckled lightly, and nodded her head. "Alright, we'll talk about it in the morning."