The Ultimate Joke
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2xGIKm55sc
This was a day come true. Sombra, former King of the Crystal Empire, now the Emperor of the World. Upon his midnight crystal throne, he sat there triumphant. He had earned many titles: Conqueror of the Sun, Moon, and Stars; the Slayer of Chaos; Destroyer of Harmony; Champion of the Equine Race; and the Great Exterminator of the Changelings, Gryphons, Dragons, Buffalos, Deer, Seaponies and so forth.
Grinning, he looked over at what he had accomplished. He became the first pony in history to unite the entire globe under one banner. His flag, his army, his slaves, and now his world have fallen to him. He had everything he could possibly ever want: power, money, sex, and the absolute authority over life and death. For underneath his redden night, connected in a complex web of chains was all of ponykind, bowing at his hooves.
Yes, this was a very happy evening for the king.
Suddenly standing up, he marched forward towards the edge of the balcony, roaring out to them all. “My slaves! This is a fine day for all ponykind! At last, the world is united under one rule, my rule! At last, peace can finally begin! From this day forth, there will be no more wars! No more revolutions! No more will we equines be divided against another! This is the start of a new era! With my immortality, I will see that it will last for all time! From now on, I am your friend! I am your father! I am your judge and jury! I am your emperor! I am your god! If you want to live, any word I give will forever be law! For I know best what is good for all of you! Always remember how far I have come to unite once divided nations and ideologies! Remember who has executed the traitors to the state! Remember who has given you work! Who gave you food! Who has allowed you and your families to still be among the living! And remember who brought true harmony to anywhere there are equines! Tonight, this world will no longer be called the Great Crystal Empire! Henceforth, it shall be called Sombrina! Now, hail!”
“Sombra!” the slaves cried.
Indeed, this was a very–
Then, his ears picked up something unusual in the cold night air. At first, he couldn’t make out what it was. But the more he listened, the more it became not only surprising but shocking as well.
Somepony was laughing. Hard. It was not a joyful or a mournful one. This laughter was wild, out of control guffaw; an insane chortle that echoed in the stunned silence.
It didn’t take long where it was coming from, a quick scan among the sea of faces found the only stallion that dared to look up at him. He was pale white from his mane to his coat and continued to laugh.
“Guards!” Sombra barked, “arrest that pony!”
Of course, his word was carried out, and the Emperor of the World knew what was coming. He’d be seeing that pony in the dungeons to be “interrogated” before his eventful execution along with anypony that had any blood ties to him. Yet, while he would allow his interrogators to do all the dirty work, Sombra had his curiosity piqued. During the proudest moment of his existence, why was that one slave laughing his head off?
_*_
Deep below where ponies on the surface couldn’t hear the screams and pleas for mercy, the Emperor made his way down to the lowest levels. Weaving through the maze of cells, countless torture chambers, and secret execution rooms, Sombra was headed towards the most heavily secured room of them all. This room was special because it was meant to judge traitors of the state.
Reaching bedrock levels, the Emperor commanded that the iron door be opened. When he entered, he found the pale pony tied to a chair, along with a table of tools to make him talk.
Once the door was closed behind him, the bound pony looked up. His expression changed from intense boredom to an unsettling grin. He immediately started to chuckle like a little colt.
“What’s so funny?” Sombra asked with a gaze as sharp as winter.
The pony shook his head but still kept on giggling. “It's you!”
The Emperor raised an eyebrow. “You do know where you are?”
“The traitor’s room, of course!” he grinned widely. “But do you know why I think you’re funny?”
“You have gotten my attention.” Sombra went over to the table to examine the tools. “You do know that to laugh at your Emperor is against the law, correct?”
“But for what you’ve done, it makes it all the more hilarious!” The white pony let out an uncontrolled roar of laughter.
Now getting annoyed, Sombra punched him in the eye. “Enough! I command you to stop!”
But even in pain, he still kept on giggling. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“Pray tell, what don’t I get?” Now he was in his face. “Answer me, why do you laugh at me?”
“Because,” he smiled, “I realized something that you haven’t – a question that you are afraid of answering.”
The Emperor huffed. “What are you talking about? As your emperor, it is my duty to know everything there is to know. What sort of question would I be afraid of?”
The prisoner looked him in the eye. “Now that you have everything, now that you’ve become both king and god over this world, now what do you do?”
Sombra blinked. For a very long moment, the dark unicorn tried to process the idea of what was being presented. What was this madpony talking about? He defeated all of the Equestrian Royalty, crushed uprisings and silenced revolutions, slew all of his enemies, and now ruled the world with an iron hoof. But this question… was an odd one.
“Explain.”
Another chuckle. “You’ve become what you’ve always wanted. Telling ponies what to do, having power over life and death, your opinion becomes law, and all darkness rules for all eternity,” another mad giggle, “but now what?”
“Well… I rule as emperor of the world, of course,” he rolled his eyes.
“And after that?”
“I would put down whatever rebellions that would happen over the years, repress any opposing opinions against me, and have all traitors put to death.”
“And after that?”
Sombra blinked again. “What are you getting at?”
“Do you really think that this will be even close to being enough for you?” The prisoner grinned. “Once you’ve become a god, what do you do for all of eternity now that there’s nopony to stop you?”
The emperor raised an eyebrow. “I still fail to see what point you’re trying to make.”
“Oh you power hungry ponies,” he let out another laugh. “Why do you think that once you’re in power that you’ll be satisfied? Why do you think that the moment you have absolute power in telling others what to do without question that life has immediately become easier? So you really want to know why I’m laughing? It’s because it’s evil’s ultimate joke: you focus so much on how to take over that you completely overlook what to do after you’ve got everything. Tell me, your majesty, now that you have everything you could ever want at your hooftips, are you happy?”
Sombra could do nothing but look at him. In all the battles, military takeovers, conquests, and wars, he never took a moment to ask himself that before. Sure, he’d never be hungry again. Whatever luxuries he could want would be granted to him no matter what he asked for. He could do whatever he wished. No matter what sort of act he undertook, he would never be punished for it. All his “advisors” would always agree with whatever plan he had. His slaves and his armies could never say no under pain of death.
But even with all this, was he happy?
“No,” Sombra answered honestly, “why?”
The prisoner laughed harder than ever. “I knew it! I knew it all along! You’ll never be satisfied!”
“How dare you,” the Emperor growled, “I just got what I want.”
“But how long will it take you until you get bored with it all?” he grinned. “Face it Sombra, greed knows no bottom, pride has no satisfying audience, and lust for power won’t end when you become a god. So really tell me, after you get bored, what do you do next?”
Then an idea came to Sombra’s head. With a smudged smile, he replied, “There’s always that magic mirror that leads to other worlds. I can always go in and conquer another world for fun.”
“And after that?”
“Then I’ll conquer another.”
“And after that?”
He growled. “Then I’ll take over all the worlds until there’s none left to conquer.”
“Would you stop there?”
“Well… then I would challenge all the gods in all of those worlds to prove my dominance.”
“And after that?”
Sombra stomped his hooves. “Would you stop doing that?!”
“Not until you answer my question. What does the dark do when it has all the power? Don’t you see, Your Holiness? At the end of it all, when you become the Emperor of Emperors, the God of Gods, you will only weep. You’ll cry because you’ll have no other worlds to conquer. And there will never be enough alcohol, sex, drugs, food, or blood to make you love yourself. I know tyrants, Sombra, and she was never satisfied, no matter how strict her rules got. They want more power yet they are paranoid of all the traitors in the shadows.”
Here, he chuckled once more. “If history does repeat itself, you’ll be done in by the only assassin that you'll never see coming. I was laughing because I know your fate before you do. One day, you’ll be the one to kill yourself, and do you know why? Because the very stallion that had taken everything was the very one that lost everything. You’ll commit suicide just as countless tyrants have done before. And even if you kill me, I guarantee you’ll still hear me laughing!”
The prisoner laughed uncontrollably once more, and by now, Sombra had made his decision. Knocking on the iron door, he instructed his guards. “Take him to be executed immediately. He is clearly mad.”
Even as he walked away, he couldn’t get what was said to him out of his mind. “He’s wrong anyway, what do insane ponies know about me anyway?”