Something's Wrong With Bob... I Mean Fluttershy
In one of the higher rooms inside of Twilight Sparkle’s opulent castle stood Rarity alongside all of her other friends. With her chin held high, she marched over to the corner of the room to lift a white sheet off a pony manikin. What lay underneath it was Rarity’s latest fashion design—namely, the extra set of bed sheets she’d hurriedly grabbed from Carousel Boutique before heading on over.
“Well,” Rarity began snidely, “what say you all about my latest masterpiece?”
All five of her friends shared a collective glance between themselves before timidly smiling at her.
“I think it’s… uh… great!” Twilight Sparkle spoke first. “You’ve really… really nailed that homey look, Rarity! Why leave the bed when you could just wear it all day long!”
Rarity rolled her eyes at her. “That is the tagline, Twilight. Thanks for spoiling it. But I also have one last thing to show you all today. And I do believe it to be the biggest surprise of them all.”
With that ominous sentence out in the open, Rarity trotted to the room’s only door and locked it tight. She even went over to the windows to slide the curtains across them, casting the room into near pitch-black darkness. Only a few lit candles set up on the floor allowed any of them to see.
Rarity turned back to smile at them greedily. “My silly little ponies—as if none of you could’ve figured out what was right under your very noses all this time. But too late, I’m afraid! Now comes the beginning of the end!”
Pinkie Pie bounced upwards from her spot on the floor. “Oh! Oh! Are you about to unveil your new line of Nightmare Night costumes? Because I so want a Crackle costume!”
Rarity growled deep within her throat. “No, Pinkie. This has nothing to do with Nightmare Night. Actually, this mostly has to do with the fact that you’re all about to be enslaved. Ready? Okay, here we go!”
All at once, Rarity’s entire body was wholly consumed by swirling green flames. What stepped out of the rippling fire was a changeling drone the exact same size as the original mare. One by one, the changeling stared at the five other mares as they gasped and shrieked. All except for Twilight—who only tried her best to stifle a hearty laugh.
Like an annoyed school teacher, the changeling stormed over to Twilight. “Something funny about the end of Equestria as you know it, Twilight Sparkle? I’ll remind you this is no laughing matter. I have infiltrated your ranks! I have thrown your carefully controlled order into chaos! And soon all of your friends will share the same fate as the original Rarity—locked away in Queen Chrysalis’ deep and dank hives for all time!”
Now Twilight had to use two hooves to hold her laughter in.
Lowering his face to Twilight’s, the changeling angrily clacked its teeth together. “Just what is so funny!?”
“Your speech, mostly,” Twilight tried to explain in-between rounds of giggles. “I just knew that whole bed sheet idea was way too dumb for any normal pony to have thought of. Still, nice work, Gary. Good stuff.”
“Wait… what did you—” the changeling known as Gary began. “How do you know my real name?”
That was when Twilight Sparkle also burst into flames and revealed the changeling hidden underneath. The four remaining mares once again shrieked and scooted away from the pair of dark figures.
Gary cocked a brow at the new changeling. “Larry? You successfully took out Twilight Sparkle? That’s awesome! Now we’re two out of six!”
Using a hoof, Gary helped Larry to stand and they bumped their hooves together playfully. Then they turned back to the shaken mares with positively venomous expressions.
“Now we can do this the easy way,” Larry began.
“Or we can do this the hard way,” Gary finished. “Queen Chrysalis only wants total control of Equestria. She doesn’t want any pony harmed. She only wants your love, so—”
Still seated on the floor, Pinkie Pie raised a hoof expectantly.
Gary pointed at her. “Question? Yes? What is it?”
“Could you pull my hoof?” Pinkie Pie asked him.
“Why?”
“It’s a surprise,” was all Pinkie Pie would add to that.
Frowning, Gary leaned forward to give Pinkie’s hoof a quick tug. When he did, Pinkie Pie also exploded into a wash of green flames and reappeared as yet another changeling drone.
“It’s Mary!” Gary and Larry exclaimed, before chuckling together.
The female changeling known as Mary rushed to her hooves to go and hug her hive brothers, leaving the three remaining mares to shake and huddle together.
“Wow!” Larry said once they’d all separated. “We’re doing pretty swell here! Halfway there already! Queen Chrysalis is gonna be so happy when she hears about this!”
Mary smiled brightly at the pair. “What are the odds, right? We all got assignments to impersonate the Elements of Harmony and waited until just this moment to reveal ourselves. You don’t think…”
Letting her sentence hang in the air, the three changelings in the room spun around to face Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash. After a few tense moments, Applejack and Rainbow Dash shared a quick glance before both erupting into flames and displaying their true changeling selves.
Instantly, Mary went to both of them to wrap her forelegs around their shoulders. “Terry! Barry! So great to see you guys again! How long have you been in Ponyville for?”
Terry gave a shrug. “Four weeks or so. Living on Applejack’s farm. Her family’s nice.”
“A little over two weeks,” Barry explained casually. “I tricked Rainbow Dash into a race with her ‘future self’. Or Rainbow Dash two weeks from now. When she got ahead of me, I just threw a burlap sack over her head. It’s incredible how difficult a time pegasi have inside burlap sacks.”
Mary and the rest of the changelings laughed as they stood together. That left only poor Fluttershy alone on the floor—her eyes as wide as dinner plates and shimmering with tears.
Hungrily, Gary rubbed his two hooves together. “So that only leaves one Element left—the Element of Kindness. How fitting. I just knew Bob wasn’t up to the task. What a lazy changeling. Before I left for Ponyville, I heard word he got assigned Fluttershy and that she would be the easiest of them all to impersonate. And it turns out he couldn’t even do that right! What a dork.”
The rest of them readily agreed. “Yeah. Bob’s the worst.”
Just as the five of them got ready to pounce on Fluttershy, did she finally shake off her adorable exterior and become just another changeling drone. Once revealed, the changeling crossed both forelegs over his chest irritably.
“Oh, hey, Bob,” Larry greeted him awkwardly, scratching at the back of his head. “So you made it too. Good for you! I just knew you could do it. How’s life treating you lately?”
“Go suck a lemon, Larry,” Bob answered thickly.
Larry waved a hoof and promptly ignored him. “Doesn’t matter. We’re all here, so you know what that means?”
The five changeling siblings stared at him for a moment.
“That means we’ve won! We actually took over the Elements of Harmony!” Larry finished happily, before he and everyone else began dancing on the spot. Once they all settled down again, they formed a rough circle to continue to discuss.
“So what’s it been like acting as Twilight Sparkle?” Gary asked Larry curiously. “How have you been getting by so far?”
Larry chuckled a bit at that. “It’s been great. Basically, all I do is run the castle library—and even most of that my dragon helper does for me. Then sometimes I make up friendship problems to send to Princess Celestia so she doesn’t get suspicious. Like last week, I wrote a full eight-thousand word letter about how good friends always put the toilet seat down.” He scratched at his chin for a moment. “Still waiting for a response on that one, actually.”
“And what about food? Love?” Mary questioned.
“Easy,” Larry replied with a smirk. “Check out a book? Get a hug. Check out a hardcover? Get a kiss. Buy a hardcover?”
Terry quickly covered his ears. “Don’t think I want to hear the rest of that, Larry.”
Shrugging, Larry told him, “What? Two hugs? It’s awesome! It’s as if everyone in Ponyville wants to give Twilight Sparkle nothing but hugs and kisses. So that just means more love for little ol’ me.”
“Twilight Sparkle is a cute little book pony,” Barry added helpfully, as the rest of them nodded their assent. “What about you, Gary? What’s it been like acting like Rarity? You never seemed all that into fashion before.”
That caused Gary to snort good-naturedly. “And I’m still not. Thankfully, the fashion industry’s run by complete morons. You liked my bed sheet idea? How ‘bout my line of Deluxe Table Cloth Dresses? Sold them all out in only a single day. Once I even sold this famous singer a dress made out of nothing but Swiss cheese slices. I think her name was Lady Gallop or something stupid like that.”
“And where are you getting your love from?” Bob asked, in his oddly deep voice.
“Rarity’s sister—Sweetie Belle.”
That made the five of them loudly squee on the spot.
Gary shook his head somberly. “It’s not all that great, though. Sweetie Belle’s love is like a punch to the gut. It’s so highly concentrated and sugary I think I must’ve gained ten pounds since becoming Rarity. Probably have a few bad cavities too.”
“I’ve been seeing this stallion named Soarin ever since becoming Rainbow Dash,” Barry told them all earnestly. “He’s definitely a keeper. Lots of hot chocolate and long talks and fireplace type stuff. If I really were Rainbow Dash, I’d totally put a ring on it.”
Terry furrowed his brows at him. “But you’re a guy, Barry.”
Raising his hoof, Barry curtly informed him, “Correction: a guy pretending to be a girl. Very big difference, Terry.”
The five other changelings glared at him until his face flushed.
In defense, Barry muttered out, “Soarin whispers such nice things to me at night so don’t you all go ruining that for me, okay?”
Ignoring him for the moment, Bob pushed his way to the center of their small circle. “You’d never guess how I took over Fluttershy’s life. I waited until she was fast asleep and then I kidnapped her. It was like she had no idea what was happening at all. Until she woke up, that is. Then I had to ask her nicely if I could finish kidnapping her. She was more or less all right with it—after I promised to keep feeding her pets for her.”
Gary stared at him deadpan. “Cool story, Bob. But pressing on, I think we’re all forgetting something. We’ve won! So that means we need to go tell Queen Chrysalis about this immediately! Right?”
“I… um… I guess so,” Mary said, not exactly meeting his eyes.
“But we should tell her, right?” Gary continued uneasily. “I mean… this was the mission and now the mission’s over with, isn’t it?”
Mary glanced up at him. “But couldn’t we maybe wait a little bit longer? I doubt Chrysalis expected results so soon, so how could another couple of weeks pretending to be the Elements of Harmony hurt?” She stared at her hooves for a moment. “It’s just that everyone in town absolutely loves Pinkie Pie. And now I’m Pinkie Pie. And if I’m being honest, I always did have dreams of running my own small business. And now I have one! I own a chocolate shop and I get to hoof out sweets to little fillies and colts and sometimes they give me tiny kisses on the cheek! It’s really nice, you know?”
“I do have to admit,” Barry admitted timidly, “besides the whole Soarin thing, being Rainbow Dash is pretty awesome. Getting to fly around all day long while controlling the weather? What a job! Move a cloud over here. Move a cloud over there. And the day’s already done! Back in the hive all I did was sit around and listen to more of Chrysalis’ longwinded speeches. You even think she knows that she spits when she talks?”
Hesitantly, Gary brought a hoof up to his mouth. “Do you… do you all feel this way? That you’d rather be the Elements of Harmony than regular changelings again?”
“Not forever, Gary,” Larry added helpfully. “But it couldn’t hurt to see how far we could take this, right? We’ve already sort of won, haven’t we?”
The other five gave a single nod in return.
“So I guess the first question is,” Larry began gamely, “does anyone wanna switch? I’m willing to fork over Twilight Sparkle for a bit if someone wants her.”
Immediately, Terry raised a hoof. “I’ll trade with you! Applejack’s family’s a whole lot of fun—they all have that ‘rustic’ love taste to them. But before I hoof her over, I’d need to know you could properly play Applejack and not muck it up.”
Larry glared at him. “How could I screw it up? ‘I’m Applejack and everyone’s a sugar cube for some reason!’ Easy!”
“Fine. Then here’s a pop quiz.” Terry went to go stand before Larry. “Say you’re Applejack. What’s the most important thing in the world to you?”
Without pause, Larry answered, “My friends and family.”
Terry smacked him across the face without warning. “Incorrect! The correct answer was of course: apples. Next question: two plus two equals?”
Larry awkwardly rubbed at his reddened cheek. “Four?”
Terry smacked him again. “Incorrect! The real Applejack would feign ignorance until she could safely divert the conversation towards something she could better understand. Namely: apples.”
Nodding, Larry took a step away from him and said nothing more.
“So what should we all do first?” Gary asked happily. “Now that we all know about each other, we could do whatever we want!”
“Extended lunch?” Terry suggested.
“Shopping spree?” Mary added.
“Play with the Cutie Mark Crusaders?” Larry chirped.
“All pretend to be Fluttershy and have a great big pillow fight that ends in a whole bunch of awkward kissing?” Bob replied last. When the silence in the room became too much for him, he changed his answer to, “I mean extended lunch?”
Mary raised her hoof again to gather their attention. “So we all seem to have the day-to-day stuff down concerning the Elements of Harmony, but what do we do if something bad happens? Like… if some giant monster appears out of nowhere and the Princesses ask us to take care of it for them? I don’t think any of us know much about fighting. Only infiltration and love gathering, honestly.”
Barry surprised her with a laugh. “I wouldn’t worry too much about that, Mary. Problems in Ponyville usually only occur at the beginning and the end of the year. We still have quite a while until—”
There was a quick rap on the door that made them all jump.
“Twilight? Are you in there?” Spike asked breathlessly. “Something’s happened that you need to know about!”
In a split second, Larry switched back to Twilight as everyone else did the same. Larry had to shoot daggers at the two Fluttershys in the room before one of them eventually corrected themselves.
“Yes, Spike?” Larry answered as Twilight, unlocking the door. “What seems to be the problem?”
Entering the room, Spike told them, “I just got a letter from the Princesses. Turns out some giant monster appeared out of nowhere and now they’re asking for you six to come take care of it. Says the monster’s in Canterlot right this very second.”
“Oh?” Larry’s ears flattened against his head. “Is there perhaps a backup Elements of Harmony that could take care of it this time? You see… I think I’m feeling a nasty cold coming on…” He weakly coughed into a hoof while he glanced at the other five.
“Oh, right!” Terry added. “I think I have the flu.”
“Migraine. Terrible migraine,” Mary said, holding a hoof to her temple.
“Someone gave me food poisoning. I know it!” Gary eventually spoke.
“I am also in no condition to travel,” Bob answered as Fluttershy flatly, “for I have terrible diarrhea right now and would be a burden to everyone if I left the castle.”
Spike cocked a brow at him. “Too much information, Fluttershy. But, anyways, thought I’d pass that along. I also have a feeling another letter’s coming my way, so I’d try and take care of it as soon as you can, Twilight. That letter was written in all capital letters.”
Larry gulped dryly. “Okay, then. Ready girls? To save the day once more like we normally do?”
None of them answered him.
***
Larry, disguised as Twilight Sparkle, entered Celestia’s personal chambers and immediately felt the overwhelming urge to spin around and run on home. Both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were trapped in large cages attached to the ceiling—covered in clown paint and adorning colorful and silly wigs. On the floor of the immense room stood Discord the draconequus, busily throwing giant darts at a poor guard stuck to the adjacent wall with what looked like extremely sticky honey. Thankfully, every dart had missed the stallion so far. Although, they were getting closer and closer.
“Twilight!” Celestia exclaimed once she saw them all. “Thank goodness you’ve arrived!”
“Discord has lost his marbles again,” Luna informed them dryly from her cage. “He set his bag of marbles down somewhere and now cannot remember where he has left them. He is now taking his frustration out on everyone. Only you can put a stop to him, Twilight Sparkle.”
Larry looked up to the Princesses. “What about Princess Cadence? Think she’d be available right now?”
Celestia shook her head. “She is busy with the Crystal Empire, Twilight.”
“Shining Armor, then?”
“He is also busy with the Crystal Empire. Please, Twilight. You’ve always known what to do in times of crisis. I believe you’ll continue that tradition today.”
“Okay. Cool. Good pep talk.” Larry frowned and turned to the other five changelings in disguise. Mary, as Pinkie Pie, nudged him along unhelpfully with her hooves. The rest of them only shrugged their response.
On numb and shaky legs, Larry marched towards Discord and lit up his horn. Concentrating, he shot out the biggest spark he could manage and watched as it clumsily missed Discord completely and end up clipping the latest dart in mid-throw. The changed trajectory then caused the dart to miss the captive guard by less than a centimeter between his legs, making him yelp out in fright.
“So if it isn’t booky-mc-book-book-face!?” Discord erupted, spinning around to face Larry. “Come to save the day yet again, Twilight Sparkle?”
Larry groaned miserably. “I guess so. Not like I had much of a choice about it. What’s your weakness again?”
That only made Discord cackle in delight. “Trying to lull me into a false sense of security, Princess? I think not! I’m super mad and super angry and there isn’t a single thing you can do about it! I’m throwing a tantrum and that’s all there is to it!”
Sighing, Larry turned to his five siblings again. Barry, disguised as Rainbow Dash, stuck out both of his forelegs in a grabbing motion. Eventually, Larry nodded in understanding. Now he knew exactly what he had to do to defeat the savage beast known as Discord.
“Just what do you think you’re doing?” Discord asked him, after Larry had wrapped the thin creature up in a hug. “Hooves off the merchandise, please.”
“Stop it, Discord,” Larry softly implored him, pressing himself further into Discord’s mismatched fur and skin. “Knock it off. Right this instant.”
“But…” Discord glanced down at him sourly. “But I want chaos! I want chaos right this instant!”
Larry shook his head. “No, you don’t. You want to cut this out. You want to cut this out right now. How about a nice cold glass of lemonade? A wide slice of cake? That might make you feel better.”
“Lemonade? Cake?” Discord spat. “Stop trying to make me feel better, darn you!”
That was when Bob, disguised as Fluttershy, also wrapped himself around Discord’s middle. He whispered to him, “I should not have come here. I still have terrible diarrhea.”
Once Larry angrily kicked at him, Bob corrected himself.
“I mean stop being such a grump, Discord. Quit being so mean. Bad, Discord. Bad. No cookie for you.”
Less than a minute later, the other four changeling siblings joined in on the large hug circle and slowly weakened Discord by pressing themselves against him and snacking on what love and energy they could feast from him. Tired and sluggish, Discord soon slumped to the floor and quickly began snoring aloud—one thumb shoved into his mouth to suck on.
Larry nudged Barry in the ribs. “Nice signal, Barry. Defeating Discord with hugs.”
Barry looked surprised by that. “Hugs? I was giving you the signal to strangle him.”
That was when the cages and giant darts in the room vanished into thin air.
“Well done, Twilight,” Celestia congratulated her once she descended from the ceiling. “I knew you could do it. Again. And all in under two-and-a-half minutes. That must be a new Discord-defeating record.”
Larry awkwardly chuckled. “Well, you know, magic and friendship and all that… stuff. You know me. Can’t get enough of it. You know the saying: once you make friends, it never ends!”
Celestia nodded. “I do know, Twilight. And to think, I was almost worried about you after receiving those last few friendship reports of yours. What was that one I read last week? True, true friends don’t ask questions when asked to dig large holes in the middle of the night?”
“Best time for gardening,” Larry answered her openly.
“Come. Let us celebrate this victory,” Celestia said, extending a hoof towards the doors. “And let us never again question the motives of the Elements of Harmony—for they are one-hundred percent perfectly fine as they are.”
***
The real Rainbow Dash angrily threw another rock against the black tunnel wall. When it rolled back to her, she scooped it up again and threw it even harder than before. “You’d think we’d be rescued by now, wouldn’t you?”
Sitting beside her, Applejack lowered her hat to cover her eyes. “Thought so. Maybe Chrysalis is already launching her big plan against Equestria. I mean, it was only a couple of hours ago that the six of us finally found each other in all these tunnels. It’s like a maze down here. I’ve been here for weeks already and I still can’t find a way out! And to think—six changelings could be impersonating us right this very second! That just makes me madder than heck!”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “I know of one pony that’s not complaining,” she said, directing her attention to Fluttershy sitting in another spot along the tunnel—two small changeling drones held close to her chest.
Fluttershy looked up at her. “But Rainbow Dash, aren’t they just the cutest little changelings you’ve ever seen? And you know they need love just like anypony else. It’s not like it was their idea to kidnap the six of us and trap us down here.”
A few moments later, Twilight Sparkle reentered the grim scene and sighed. “Tried searching for an exit again. No luck. My magic’s also been severely limited down here, so teleporting seems out of the question for the time being. Our only hope now, I believe, is that whatever group of changelings impersonating us ends up being so terrible at it that no one can take them seriously.”
Applejack shook her head. “A changeling impersonating me? I can’t even find that remotely possible. No one sounds like Applejack but Applejack, you hear?”
Gingerly, Rarity cleared her throat across the tunnel. “Yee-haw, ya’ll! How do you like them apples? What the hay is going on over here? Apples-apples-apples!”
Pinkie Pie stirred from another part of the dim tunnel system. “You say something, Applejack?”
Grumbling, Applejack lowered her hat until it completely covered her face.
Rarity’s shoulders slumped. “So we really all are screwed, aren’t we?”