WHAT?!
Spike rushed down the narrow walkway, huffing and puffing as he quickly made his way to the shimmering fiery-orange-crimson crystal outcropping of which the bloodstone scepter sat atop of. He leapt onto the crystals, practically bounding up the many-pony-tall structure as he climbed his way to the top. Spike’s eyes turned saucer-sized as he approached the scepter and reached out to grasp it. Gripping it, he turned and looked upwards. Red energy like flickering flames emanated from the crimson red gem at the end of the claw-like purple crystal scepter, washing over Spike as his already massive pupils dilated further.
Spike’s expression became resolute. He placed his right foot atop one of the crystals and held the scepter upwards. A fiery jet of power shot upwards as energy expanded outwards, shaking the cavern occupied by Spike, Ember, Twilight, Rarity, Garble, and the handful of dragons that had made it to the end.
The energy fired straight up into the sky, visible for miles and miles by young and old dragons alike. The ponies and dragons present all looked on with awe, with the exception of Ember who smiled proudly up at Spike.
Garble raised his claws and stomped towards Ember, eager to finish the fight he had started.
“Leave her alone!” Spike’s voice boomed out.
Ember tossed Garble a wayward glance as the red teenaged dragon stared up at Spike.
“What?” Garble muttered as he looked up. “You?! You have the scepter?”
Spike smiled proudly and held the scepter high.
“But that means you’re…”
“Dragon Lord,” Ember said smiling. “Dragon Lord Spike.”
The other dragons present bowed before Spike.
Garble groaned and reluctantly fell to one knee, closing his eyes and bowing. “Dragon Lord Spike…” he said, almost choking on his own words.
“That’s right!” Spike exclaimed. “Uh… Now everyone beat up Garble.”
“WHAT?!” Garble exclaimed.
With a purple flash and a ‘pomff’, Twilight and Rarity were suddenly in front of Spike.
“Spike!” Twilight cried out as Rarity woozily swayed from side to side before catching herself. “You should know better!” Twilight continued. “What do I always tell you?!”
Spike rolled his eyes. “When it’s everypony’s problem, it’s nopony’s problem,” he replied in the tired tone of someone who had had this conversation far too many times.
Twilight nodded. “That’s right.”
“Hey!” a huge blue dragon wearing metal armor exclaimed. “What are ponies doing here?!”
“It’s cool,” Spike said with a dismissive wave of his claw. “They’re with me.”
Rarity let out a sigh of relief as the mass of massive dragons in the cavern all let out disappointed murmurs and began to land near Garble with a glint of malicious eagerness in their eyes and violence in their smiles.
Garble swallowed and looked up at Spike. “Uh, the Great, Powerful, and Merciful Spike? Maybe I can appeal to your er… pony sensibilities and—”
“Nope!” Spike said, shaking his head. “Get rekt, scrub.” He began pointing at a few dragons who he deemed the biggest, scariest, and most enthusiastic-looking. “You, you, and you… beat up Garble!”
“Ah!” Garble uttered before a trio of hulking, muscled dragons dove on him and proceeded with pummeling the ever-living daylights out of their target.
Most of the other dragons present let out groans of disappointment.
Spike rolled his eyes. “The rest of you form a line,” he said with a wave of his free claw. “You can all beat up Garble when one of the other dragons gets tired, and so on, and so on… The Dragon Lord has spoken!” he said dramatically.
The dragons let victorious sounds of delight and began to shove and punch each other as a rough line formed leading up to Garble.
Spike looked at Twilight. “Better?”
Twilight nodded. “Much… Also… WHAT?!”
Rarity shook her head. “Oh Spikey-wikey! What has gotten into you?!”
“Uh…” Spike pointed at the scepter with his free claw. “Complete and absolute power over an army of fire breathing, super–strong, super-tough, flying dragons? I mean, how would you act if you were suddenly in charge of one of the most powerful races in Equestria?”
Rarity wrinkled her brow and glanced upwards.
>~-ooo-~<
“More gems! MORE GEMS!” Rarity, the Great and Terrible, and most of all Beautiful, Dragon Queen cried from her gem throne, which sat on top of a giant hill made of gems… which in turn was the peak of a sparkling mountain also made of gems.
A line of gaunt and tired-looking dragons stretched out for miles in front of her, those at the front dumping massive buckets of multicolored gems into the pile before leering hungrily at what was at their feet. With a sad shake of their heads, each one took flight and flew away.
“Mistress… Mistress Rarity?”
Rarity turned towards the owner of the deep voice. Former Dragon Lord Torch looked at Rarity with pleading eyes several times larger than Rarity herself as he kept his emaciated frame aloft.
Rarity let out a heavy sigh. “What is it, Torch? Be quick!”
Torch lowered his head slightly as he looked over Rarity pensively. “The dragons are starvin’, mistress… Certainly you could spare a FEW gems to—”
“I already told you!” Rarity cried. “You can snack once we have enough gems that my magnificent gem mound towers over the tallest mountain in all Equestria and not a moment before! Now get your disgusting bulk out of my sight and don’t come back until you’ve brought me more gems!”
Torch pulled his legs and arms close as he let out a terrified whimper. “Yes, mistress!” he replied in a distressed tone as he quickly flew away.
<~-ooo-~>
Rarity turned towards Twilight. “Twilight, darling? I really don’t feel I have the moral grounds to criticize Spike here.”
“Ugh!” Twilight exclaimed as she turned towards Spike. “Spike! I can’t believe you’d just let power go to your head like this! Haven’t you learned anything about friendship?!”
“Whaaaaat?” Spike protested. “I’m already teaching the dragons how to share,” he said as he pointed the scepter at the long line of dragons, some already smacking firsts into open claws as they waited for their turn to pummel Garble. “Give me some credit.”
Twilight scrunched her lips up in frustration and turned towards Ember. “You’re a dragon! Can’t you talk some sense into him?!”
Ember looked down at Twilight and raised an eyebrow. “About… what exactly?”
“You know! Friendship!”
Ember stared at Twilight blankly.
Twilight narrowed her eyes and began to speak through clenched teeth, “Frrrriiiiieeeeeeeeeendshhhhiiiiiiiip?”
“Saying it slower isn’t going to help!” Ember exclaimed, throwing her claws up into the air. “I’m just now learning about friendship!” She turned to watch Garble receive several more kicks and blows as he covered his face and uttered a few “Oof”s and “Ow”s. Turning back towards Twilight, she smiled. “Gotta say, liking what I see so far.”
“UGH!” Twilight cried in frustration. She turned her head. “Rarity, I really need your…” Twilight trailed off as she noted she was talking to empty air. “Wait, where…” Twilight’s head turned as she heard the familiar lute of Rarity’s titter.
Rarity now sat on the crystal outcropping next to Spike, giggling and scratching his chin with a hoof as she nuzzled his cheek. “Oh, my adorable Spikey-Wikey is now Lord of the Dragons! Hehe! This is fantastic!”
“Hahaha… Awww... shucks…” Spike uttered has he rubbed his head against Rarity’s and wrapped his an arm around her neck to hold her tightly. “I know somepony who's getting a heaping ton of gems delivered to her doorstep!”
Rarity gasped as her eyes began to shine like sparkling diamonds.
“Rarity, what are you doing?!” Twilight exclaimed.
Rarity put on a pout as she looked down at Twilight. “Twilight, I’m sorry, but—”
“Rarity, stahp!”
Rarity sighed. “Twilight, I’m sorry but I find power incredibly attractive.” Rarity continued nuzzling Spike. “And I dare say I can’t do any better than the one and only Dragon Lord!”
Twilight raised her forehooves up in defeat as she stared up at the sky in frustration. She looked back down towards Spike. “Alright then, Dragon Lord Spike—”
Spike narrowed his eyes. “Can you try that again with less eye rolling?”
“I wasn’t rolling my eyes!” Twilight cried.
“You were doing it with your voice!” Spike exclaimed.
Twilight shot Spike a grumpy frown. “Alright, Dragon Lord Spike—”
“Better,” Spike said with a nod.
“So I take it you’re going to give up life at Ponyville and live amongst the dragons?”
“Pffft! No! Dumb!” Spike exclaimed.
Twilight let out a sigh of relief and smiled. “Good. Okay, you’ve had your fun. Now put down the scepter and—”
“Hahaha! NO!” Spike exclaimed. “Dumber!”
“WHAT?!” Twilight cried. “But you just said—”
Spike shook his head. “Twilight! How stupid do I have to be to just give up control of all of dragon kind?!”
Still holding Spike, Rarity nodded in agreement. “He’s got a point, dear. I mean… It’s not like opportunities like this come along all the time.”
“UGH!” Twilight groaned turning back to Ember. “Why did you just let him have the scepter?!”
Ember smirked. “Frrrriiiiieeeeeeeeeendshhhhiiiiiiiip?”
Twilight scowled and puffed out her lower lip. “Well… walked right into that one…” She turned towards Spike with wide pleading eyes. “But… But… But what are you going to do with all these dragons?!”
Spike broke from Rarity and rose up to his full height, raising his scepter above his head. “My army will fly me to Ponyville where Celestia and Luna sit unsuspectingly back at the castle!”
There was a pause amongst the dragons and ponies.
“WHAT?!” Twilight cried.
She was quickly drowned out by the triumphant cries of dragons.
“… Yay…” Garble uttered in pain as he raised a claw.
“Hey!” Spike exclaimed as he leveled the scepter at Garble. “I didn’t say to stop beating Garble!”
‘POW!’
“OUCH!”
‘SMACK!
“WHY?!”
‘CRACK!’
“HOW HAS BEING A JERK TO EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING I’VE EVER COME ACROSS TURNED ON ME!?”
“Alright, now stop beating Garble!” Spike exclaimed.
Reluctantly, the dragons hitting Garble stopped as those in the line waiting their turns let out sounds of protest.
Spike closed his eyes and held up a claw, signalling for silence which he quickly received. “There’ll be plenty of time to beat up Garble later.”
Garble let out a quiet, pained sob.
Spike pointed. “YOU! The big, gray fat dragon!”
“I have a glandular problem!” a deep voice protested.
Spike narrowed his eyes. “I don’t recall asking for your boring life story.”
“… Sorry, Dragon Lord Spike…”
“Apology accepted, fatso,” Spike said with a smile.
The grey dragon grinned widely and elbowed a slender green female dragon standing next to him. “The Dragon Lord knows my name…” he whispered happily.
Spike continued, “You will take me and my beautiful girlfriend here,” Spike said as he motioned to Rarity.
Rarity let out a girlish squeal of delight. “Twilight! All my dreams are coming true.”
Twilight turned a forehoof upwards to face the ceiling and stared at Rarity, her face contorted in a disbelieving sneer. “Spike is leading a massive dragon army to apparently conquer or raze Equestria, Rarity.”
Rarity crossed her forelegs in front of her as she turned up her muzzle. “Hmph! Typical Twilight. Something good happens to me and you just have to rain on my parade! It’s not all about you, Twilight!” she cried shrilly.
Twilight let out a defeated sigh and collapsed onto her belly, her legs and wings sprawled out in all directions.
“Ember?” Spike called out.
“Yes, Dragon Lord Spike?”
Spike chuckled and swatted at the air. “Ah, you can just call me Spike.”
Ember’s face lit up. “Yes, Spike?”
“Could you grab Twilight? She doesn’t look to be in the mood to fly herself.”
“She suuuuuure isn’t,” Twilight uttered from the ground.
“Sure!” Ember exclaimed as she gathered Twilight into her claws. Twilight allowed her wings and legs to dangle limply like a rag doll.
Spike thrust bloodstone scepter high above him. “Now come my dragon force! We fly to Ponyville!”
The triumphant cheers of dragons became deafening as they all took to leathery wing and flew out of the cavern. Flying high into the sky, they formed a massive scaled and armored fleet with Spike and Rarity on his fat dragon mount at the front and Ember holding Twilight right behind them.
From his giant stone throne, Torch watched as the line of dragons passed over him, flying swiftly away from his kingdom.
“What is the meaning of this?!” Torch bellowed.
“I’m Dragon Lord Spike!” Spike cried as he leaned over the side of his mount and held his scepter above him. He pointed at Torch. “You gotta deal with it!”
“WHAT?!”
“That’s what I keep saying!” Twilight cried.
“Ember?! WHAT IN THE HALL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING IS GOING ON HERE?!”
“Sorry, dad!” Ember called out. “I’d stop and explain it, but I’m besties with the new Dragon Lord, apparently!”
“BESTIES?!” Torch stroked his massive chin. “Hmmm… She’s doing quite well for herself…” he mused.
A beaten and bruised Garble flew up to Torch’s throne, collapsing right in front of him.
Torch looked down, his eyes narrowed. “Yes? Can I help you?” he asked, making it quite clear with his tone that Garble was already wasting his time.
Garble looked up at Torch with a pleading expression. “Dragon Lord Torch, you’ve got to—”
“Sorry, kid,” Torch said shaking his head. “I’m retired! Dragon law, and all that!”
“But… but! That namby-pamby pony lover can’t rule the dragons!”
Torch raised a gigantic claw and pointed at the scepter in Spike’s grasp. “Apparently he can!”
“But you’re the size of a mountain and he’s a shrimp compared to me even! Just take it back!”
“SON!” Torch roared.
Garble’s face lit up. “I’m your son?”
“NOT LITERALLY, YOU BLEEDIN’ IDIOT!”
Garble sighed and hung his head as his shoulders slumped.
“Dragon law was CLAW-carved in stone on the walls of the Cave of Truth by the ancient dragons! Now, whether we agree with the laws, want to follow them, or even comprehend what the ancient dragons were thinking when they wrote them, these are our SACRED laws held for untold centuries! I THINK the ancient dragons knew what they were doing when they carved them bit by little bit!”
>-ooooooo-<
“PffffftAHAHAHAHA! Slow down STOP! Hahahaha! HeeheheheHAHAHA CAVE OF TRUTH?!” A blue female dragon with a long slender neck and long, curved claws called out as she dragged a claw over a solid rock wall finishing a massive ‘E’ in the word ‘CODE’. “I’m still laughing from this life debt stuff! AHAHAHAHA!” Tears began to stream from her eyes. “I can’t… Hehehehe… I CAN’T-AHAHAHAHA!”
Rolling on the ground of the massive cave a little bit away, a red dragon clutched at his sides. “Hahahaha-And I’m-Hahahaha-I’m telling you! Dragons of the future are going to-hehehe-flip their stuff if-hehe-if the Lord of Dragons has to step down every so often! Make it something stupid! Like… like… Like every two hundred and twenty two years, two months, and two days!”
“AHAHAHAHA! I THINK YOU JUST CAME UP WITH A SACRED NUMBER! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“You should make the dragons compete for the title through an obstacle course!” A cheerful masculine voice suggested.
The red dragon broke into a hysterical fit of laughter. “AHAHAHAHAHA! RIGHT! BECAUSE THAT’S AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO CHOOSE LEADERSHIP! PHYSICAL APTITUDE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“HEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP! STOP!” the blue dragon cried. “I CAN’T CARVE IF THERE’S TEARS IN MY EYES!”
“HAHAHAHA!” The red dragon turned and looked out into the cave. “Can you-PFFFFFTAHAHAHA-Can you make it so every dragon GLOWS and gets itchy when the Lord of Dragons summons them?! AHAHAHAHAHA!”
Discord smiled gleefully and stroked his beard. “I don’t see why not.”
<-ooooooo->
Garble let out a long, defeated sigh.
“Look, kid. I’m not exactly happy that that little runt won either.” Torch extended a claw, palm upward. “But on the other claw, I get to spend the rest of my days playin’ GIANT shuffleboard! And I LOVE giant shuffleboard! That’s dragon law, too! So you take the good with the bad, is what I’m saying here!”
“But Spike is going to invade EQUESTRIA!” Garble cried in a whiney tone.
“…So you’re whinin’ to me because the new Dragon Lord is taking the initiative to invade pony lands within the first few MINUTES of his rule?! WHY are you upset about this?!”
Garble turned his claws inward to point at his chest. “Because I wanted to do that!”
Torch stared down at Garble and inhaled a phlegmy sounding breath through his nose. “Right, then,” he said as he bent down his left index claw and held it in place with his left thumb claw, lowering them in front of Garble.
“… Mommy?” Garble uttered fearfully as he stared at the flicking claws held directly in front of him.
Torch let his index claw fly and launched Garble high into the sky with a ‘THWACK!’
“WHAAAAAAAAHOOOOHEEEEEEeee!” Garble cried as he sailed fast and far away from the Torch’s throne.
Torch shook his head. “No more of that today…” He looked up at the sun and smiled. “It’s almost four, and dragon law says that’s my new dinner time!” he added happily.
>-ooooo-<
“Sis… Sister?” Luna moaned as she slumped over one of the chairs in Twilight’s throne room. “I… I think this is the end for us…I don’t…” She sniffed sadly. “I don’t see a way out this time…”
Laying on her back in the center of the massive table in the throne room, Celestia let out a long continuous “Uuuuuughhhh…” as she flopped onto her extended belly. “I told you we would fight to the last! We made a pledge, Luna! A pledge!”
“But… but you saw what we were up against!” Luna shook her head. “We should have folded… There’s no shame in knowing when you’re beat!”
Celestia narrowed her eyes. “No! Never surrender Luna! Never!”
Luna clenched her eyes tightly. “Okay… but… but… the baking soda?!”
Celestia let out a loud, throaty belch. “TO THE LAST, LUNA! TO THE LAST!”
‘WATHUMP!’
The sisters glanced over to the balcony as a fat grey dragon descended. The dragon reached up a claw to Spike and Rarity, who stepped onto it before the dragon slowly brought it down to the floor. Ember descended next, depositing Twilight on the ground.
Twilight’s eyes went wide as she saw her fellow princesses, and scrambled to her hooves. “Princess Celestia! Princess Luna!”
Luna held up a forehoof. “One second, Princess Twilight.”
“... WHAT?! But… DRAGONS!”
“It’s okay, Twilight,” Celestia said. “This is important… maybe…”
Luna looked at Celestia in concern. “You know ingesting that much bicarbonate of soda has a WIDE variety of side effects, up to and including death!”
Celestia shrugged. “Hasn’t killed me yet, and I’ve visited many a noble pony’s house with a mission in mind.”
“Uh… Princess Celestia? Princess Luna?” Twilight interjected.
Celestia turned towards Twilight. “Hello Twilight,” she greeted. “We emptied your fridge.”
“… What?” Twilight asked.
Celestia leveled a forehoof at Twilight. “We are not sorry!”
Luna’s cheeks puffed out and she quickly threw a forehoof in front of her mouth. Her face turning a slight shade of green, she shuddered as she swallowed and lowered her forehoof. “We’re a little bit sorry.”
“That’s not important!” Twilight exclaimed.
Celestia narrowed her eyes resolutely at Twilight. “You will not dull my triumph!”
Twilight motioned behind her. “Aren’t you the least bit curious as to why there’s a bunch of dragons landing on my balcony and a flying armada of them outside?!”
Celestia and Luna paused and looked over the group of dragons, Spike at the front holding a scepter.
Celestia shrugged. “I presume Spike used the power of friendship to overcome some sort of challenge where he became the new king of dragons?”
Spike chuckled. “Lord of Dragons, actually!”
“Close enough,” Celestia said.
“WHAT?!” Twilight cried. “How could you possibly guess that?!”
Celestia gave Twilight a wry smile. “Because I helped raise Spike, and anyone I treat like family is a WINNER!”
A dragon bellowed from outside, “LET’S TORCH THIS TOWN AND EVERYPONY IN IT!”
Celestia frowned. “But I do have a bad track record when it comes to those I raise and my family members going mad with power…”
“Sister!” Luna grunted as she slowly got to her hooves. “We must act.”
“Oh no,” Celestia said shaking her head. “I also have set a precedent of letting Twilight clean up things I’m tangentially responsible for. It’s served me well so far. I’m not about to stop.”
“BUT THERE’S AN ARMY OF DRAGONS HERE!” Twilight cried.
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Yes, welcome to the conversation Twilight.” Celestia smiled and shook her head. “Don’t worry, I’m quite sure you got this!”
“I know, right?” Spike said. “I mean… She’s fought some of the most powerful entities that have ever existed in Equestria! Yet somehow she’s been cowering all day!”
Twilight turned and looked over the group of eager and grinning dragons that towered over her. She turned to Spike. “SPIKE! You can’t let this happen!”
Spike shrugged. “I mean… technically I can… all the dragons are just waiting for my signal,” he turned. “Right, dragon army?”
“RIGHT!”
Twilight clenched her teeth hard in a panic and turned to Rarity. “Rarity! You have to talk to him!”
Rarity frowned. “Twilight, darling. I want to help, really, but Spike has promised to have the dragons build me the biggest fashion store on the planet. The PLANET, Twilight! I’m not made out of stone… yet.”
“But… but… THE CITY! OUR FRIENDS! YOUR SISTER! YOU’VE GOT TO TRY SOMETHING!”
Rarity let out a huff. “Oh, very well… I was saving this to get two of the biggest fashion stores on the planet, but…” Rarity leaned over towards Spike, parted her lips and planted a massive kiss right on his mouth.
The other dragons present uttered sounds of disgust.
Spike’s pupils flooded over the emerald fields of his irises as his knees became wobbly.
Rarity broke the kiss, as she settled up next to Spike, pressing her cheek against his as she stroked the other side of his face with a foreleg. “Oh, Spikey-wikey, there’s much more where that came from if you could be a darling and have the dragons make a monolithic statue in my image.”
Spike’s face exploded into the largest grin he had ever had in his entire life. “DONE!”
“Rarity!” Twilight chastised.
“Oh, right… And do be a dear and don’t conquer Equestria or raze it to the ground, or what have you… The lamentations of ponies is soooo two seasons ago.”
“Pffffft,” Spike swatted at the air with his claw. “I was never going to do that.”
“… WHAT?!” Twilight exclaimed.
“WHAT?!” the dragons exclaimed.
Spike turned and glared. “Oh don’t give me that! I never said we were coming here to take over Equestria or burn it down or nothin’! WHY would I want to do anything bad to Equestria?!” Spike extended his free claw and extended digits one by one as he began counting off. “Ponies have working lights and comics… and…”
“Cakes!” Celestia exclaimed.
“And candy,” Luna chimed in. “Don’t forget about the candy!”
“AND fashion!” Rarity exclaimed. “We have fashion!”
“And books!”
Everyone turned and looked at Twilight.
“What?” Twilight protested. “I can be excited about things too, you know!”
Spike nodded. “Right! And also trains… and comics! All dragons have are rocks and lava as far as I can tell! Why the heck would I want to destroy Equestria over THAT?!”
All the dragons save one all mumbled to themselves and kicked at the ground.
Ember looked at Spike and smiled. “Okay, I don’t know what half of that is, but I want to find out.”
Spike motioned to Ember. “See! This is why she’s like the only one of you I want to hang out with! SHE gets me.”
The dragons collectively let out a massive sigh.
Spike smiled and pointed to the bloodstone scepter. “Who’s Dragon Lord?”
“You are, Dragon Lord Spike,” the dragons said in sad, sing-song chorus.
Celestia smiled. “I’m so proud right now.”
With a loud whistling sound and a “WhaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Garble arched past the fleet of dragons and crashed to the balcony floor with a resounding ‘THUD!’ He slid along the ground, coming to a stop between Spike and Ember. With a heavy groan, he raised his head. “I’m… I’m alive!” he exclaimed happily.
“There! There ya go!” Spike said pointing his scepter at Garble.
Garble gulped as he went cross-eyed, staring at the bloodstone gem held in front of him.
Spike continued, “Every dragon but Ember just go line up and start beating up Garble again.”
“Whouhhaaahaaa! WHY!” Garble cried as a couple of dragons grabbed him by the arms and dragged him outside. The other dragons flew off the balcony and descended below.
Twilight glared at Spike, turned to Celestia, and motioned out to Spike with a forehoof.
“Okay, I don’t know what that was about,” Celestia said, “but I’m somehow even prouder of Spike. Someone go find Pinkie Pie! Tell her to bring celebration cake.”
“Sister!” Luna called out. “You can’t be serious! You ate most of the entire contents of Twilight’s refrigeration unit on your own!”
Celestia flashed Luna determined eyes. “The day I don’t have room for cake is the day I stop breathing… You know what…? No… If I die I want my corpse filled to the brim with cake!”
Luna nodded. “I’ll have your last will and testament updated.”
Twilight exhaled through her nose, looked up at the ceiling and shook her head.
“So!” Celestia interjected. “Who’s your cute dragon girlfriend, Spike?”
Ember blushed. “Girlfriend?! Oh no… I mean… I couldn’t…”
“I should say NOT!” Rarity cried as she wrapped possessive forelegs around one of Spike’s arms. “I’m Spikey-wikey’s girlfriend!”
Celestia shrugged. “He can have more than one girlfriend.”
“WHAT?!” Twilight and Rarity exclaimed.
“Ow…” Spike uttered as he placed a claw into his ear hole as if trying to dig out Rarity’s shrill cry.
“Whoops… Oh, sorry Spike…” Rarity hugged him tightly. “My big powerful Dragon Lord.”
Twilight looked at Celestia. “What do you mean Spike can have more than one girlfriend?!”
“He’s Dragon Lord now?” Celestia said. “Dragon law states he can start a harem… In fact, it demands it!”
“Sweet!” Spike exclaimed.
“How can you possibly know that?!” Twilight asked.
Celestia smiled. “Discord and I got smashed on cake and cider a few weeks back and he told me some stuff… I mean… the details of that night are a bit blurry, but I distinctly remember one or two things about dragons.”
“What?!” Twilight cried.
Luna sighed. “How many more times is she going to say that? It’s getting tedious…”
Ember nodded and looked at Twilight apologetically. “It kinda is…”
“Ughhhhh!” Twilight groaned out.
“That too,” Ember added.
Rarity narrowed her eyes at Spike as her cheeks became puffy with jealousy. “Fine! But if you’re starting a harem, I insist that I get to be head concubine!”
“Deal!” Spike exclaimed.
“Second concubine!” Ember called out.
“Done!” Spike said as he pointed his scepter at Ember.
“Yes!” Ember cried, pumping a fist into the air.
Celestia gave Spike a beaming smile. “That’s the dragon I helped raise!”
“Princess Celestia!” Twilight cried out. “Why are you encouraging this?!”
“Did I forget to mention I’m a terrible influence on just about anyone I spend a lot of time with or help raise?”
Luna nodded. “It’s true!”
Twilight gave Celestia an unhappy look. “Well, Cadance and I turned out alright!”
Celestia sighed sadly. “I know…” She shook her head. “I don’t know where I went wrong with you two!”
One of the large double doors to the throne room suddenly opened with a shimmering soft-blue glow. A light-purple unicorn mare walked in. Her dark purple mane and tail sported a light-blue stripe through the center. On her flank was a cutie mark of two light blue two-tone swirls over a four-point purple star. “Twilight? Spike?” She called out. “Hey, I lost the map you drew me to the bathrooms and I can’t find— Oh, hello…” she greeted the group as a rose-colored hue adorned her cheeks.
“Starlight Glimmer! ‘Sup!” Spike said. “Wanna join my harem? I’ll let you lapse back into your power-hungry ways and take over a town or two if you dooo~!”
Starlight blinked a few times and looked over the room and its occupants. “Okay, I have no idea what’s going on or why there seems to be line of dragons outside beating up on one dragon, but I’m going to go ahead and say ‘yes’.”
“Awesome!” Spike exclaimed.
“Spike,” Twilight began, “do you even know what a harem is?!”
Spike smiled. “Yeah! It’s when you surround yourself with lots and lots of hot girls!”
Rarity, Ember, and Starlight all giggled to themselves and uttered accompanying “Awwwwww”s.
Luna shrugged. “Well… he’s not wrong.”
“Ugh—”
Ember grimaced slightly.
“—I give up,” Twilight uttered.
“You can’t give up!” Celestia exclaimed. “You need to groom a successor first so they can do all the stuff you don’t want to do! Then you can give up!”
Twilight turned and looked at Starlight.
“What?” Starlight asked.
Twilight smiled knowingly. “Nothing,” she said innocently.
Luna cleared her throat. “Well, beating up random dragons and starting harems is all fine and good, but Dragon Lord Spike, I must ask what you plan to do now that you’re ruler of the dragons. Have you given it any thought?”
Spike smiled. “Sure! Imma go on a conquering spree!”
“WHAT?!” Twilight exclaimed.
“Seriously,” Luna said in an annoyed tone as she flicked an ear. “Princess Twilight, I insist you cry out something else the next time you have to express surprise.”
“Ugh-Sor—”
Ember grunted in displeasure.
“SORRY!” Twilight exclaimed. She turned towards Spike. “I thought you said you wouldn’t attack Equestria!”
“I did!” Spike exclaimed. He turned towards Celestia. “So I’m the supreme leader of a bunch of flying, tank-like flamethrowers, you’re the ruler of a massive force of magical ponies…” Spike grinned. “Wanna take over Yakyakistan?”
Celestia’s eyes lit up. “DO I?!”
“W—”
The room collectively turned to glare at Twilight.
“…UMBO!”
Luna shrugged. “It’ll do…”
“Why the yaks?!” Twilight cried.
“Twilight, they smashed up our town, our house! They even had the nerve to take bites out of it!”
“Spike, you eat our house!”
“Yeah, but I live here!” Spike said while pointing to himself. “Come on! Don’t tell me you don’t want a little revenge for all the hassle and near-death experiences they put you through!”
Twilight put on a ponderous expression and tapped at her chin. “Wellllll…”
>~-Soon~-<
“BOW TO YOUR PRINCESS!” Twilight cried as she flew high above a snow-covered street of screaming and panicking yaks. She let fly a few errant blasts from her horn.
‘ZORT! ZORT!’
“BOW TO YOUR PRINCESS!”
In the skies around Twilight, dragons darkened the sky with their wings and lit up the ground with powerful jets of flame.
Still holding his scepter, Spike sat on one of the wooden walls of the city, kicking his feet over the edge with Ember and Starlight on either side of him. From a massive pile of carved yak jewelry, golden rings, and blankets that started at the ground a couple stories below and ended roughly at the same height as the trio, Rarity sat wearing a silver crown and thick, wooly purple cape as she idly ran a file over a forehoof.
Celestia flew by, a sizeable collection of baked goods floating behind her in a yellow haze of her magic. “I HAVE RAIDED THE YAK’S PASTRY STORES!” she cried. “THEIR SENSE OF TASTE WHEN IT COMES TO VANILLA EXTRACT IS EXCELLENT!”
Luna flew by Celestia going the opposite direction. “WELL SISTER, I HAVE LIBERATED ALL THE YAK’S MILK CANDY!” she cried as she pulled a massive pile of multicolored candy morsels behind her. “I’M GOING TO START INDULGING IN THEM AND SEE WHAT COLOR THEY TURN MY TONGUE!”
A brown yak with orange hair covering his eyes, a blue blanket on his back, and a metal crown on his head between his massive, gold-adorned horns looked up at Twilight and bowed. “Yaks sorry! Yaks surrender! Yaks just want the dragons to stop attacking and ponies to stop making off with all of yaks’ stuff!”
Twilight fired at the ground in front of the Yak.
‘ZORT!’
“Aaah!” The yak recoiled from the purple blast that evaporated the snow in an instant and left a smoking patch of brown in the street.
“BOWING NOT PERFECT!” Twilight screamed. “GET MORE YAKS! BOW HARDER! START GROVELING OR TWILIGHT SMASH!”
“Yes Princess!” the yak cried in a terrified tone as he rushed off back into the burning village.
Spike leaned his head against the claw holding the scepter and watched as a green dragon with a huge beefy arm let out a huge jet of flame that lit ablaze several thatched roof cottages.
“You know,” Ember began as she looked at Spike. “I don’t think you need to carry that scepter around everywhere you go… I mean… I think you need to give it away to another dragon or throw another competition before some other dragon becomes Dragon Lord.”
“Are you kidding?!” Spike exclaimed. “I think I’m going to tape it to my arm or something…”
Rarity smiled to herself. “Well that’ll make bedtime quite interesting for all of us.”
Starlight raised an eyebrow at Rarity.
“What? Why?” Spike asked.
Rarity looked over at Spike, a slight blush taking hold of her cheeks. “Hmmm… Maybe we should revisit this conversation a bit later…”
Starlight shook her head as she looked out at the carnage in front of the group and held out a forehoof. “What I don’t get is what we were supposed to learn about friendship from all this…”
Spike grinned. “It’s good to be the king?”
Rarity tittered. “Catchy and succinct, Spikey-wikey, but not really a friendship lesson.”
Ember smiled. “Well, I learned a lot about friendship today!”
The group turned to look at Ember.
“Yes?” Starlight said. “Go on?”
“I learned by working with a friend you can accomplish great things! In fact, if you get enough friends together there’s really nothing to stop you from getting everything and anything you want!”
Spike and the two ponies looked at each other, smiled, and nodded their heads up and down as they uttered words of agreement.
“YES-YES-YES-YES-YES-YES-YES-YES-YES-YES!” Twilight cried as a large group of yaks sat under her, bowing their heads and begging for mercy. “GROVEL IN FEAR BEFORE THE MIGHTY PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP!”
Sitting next to piles of their spoils, Celestia and Luna looked up at Twilight. Celestia beamed proudly as she floated over a slice of brown cake and took a massive bite out of it. Chewing, she looked over at Spike, who stood atop the pile of heavy blankets and yak jewelry, apparently the very center of a cuddle pile composed of another dragon and two mares. Swallowing, Celestia’s smile grew. “Oh, Luna… Isn’t it wonderful what I managed to do?”
“Sister?” Luna replied quizzically. “But you practically didn’t do anything!”
Celestia smirked. “Didn’t I, Luna? Didn’t I?”
Luna shook her head. “No, you really didn’t.”
Celestia leaned back, still smiling as she floated over a fresh slice of cake. “And that’s the best feeling of all!”
The End.