> Why I'm Loud > by RayDawn > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > The Stressor > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I walk down the street from my apartment, well, my and Tavi's apartment, to Canterlot High School. I cross the street and notice Octavia ahead. I run up to her and tap her shoulder. "Hey Vinyl." Tavi looked at me and immediately her face lit up. Hey Tavi. I think as I wave to her. I was slightly panting. "You excited for school today?" Tavi asked me. Definitely! Today is the day I unleash my sick wubs at Pinkie's after party for our draw at the Friendship Games! I think to myself as I nod. "It's amazing how we almost beat Crystal Prep!" Tavi had excited eyes, which contrasted her normally calm attitude. I know, right? It has been so long since we as a school have had such spirit! I nod vigorously and Tavi, as if reading my face for my inner monologue, smiled at me. Tavi knew me so well that she knew what I was generally thinking about, but not specifics. Those, I would write to her. We walk forward faster, realizing the time and we almost make it to school late, me all the while was blasting my music through my headphones. Tavi was the only person I ever took them off for, because I loved her. Not like love like the ones shared by significant others, but sister love, she is my sister after all. We separate our paths and I walk to my homeroom at Ms. Harshwinny's class. I see Sunset seated already and wave to her as I sit down next to her. "HeyVinyl. How's it hanging?" It's been okay, but uneventful, so far. Can't wait for the party though. I think as I hold my palm parallel to the floor and do a seesaw action with it. "Same. Can't wait for the party, too." It has always surprised me to see how much of me people understood. I guess my body language speaks volumes. Me and Sunset shared most classes and after her reformation I began to get to know her better. She helped school become less trivial through the days, but I always managed to hide my ear buds from the teachers so I could listen to my music. I always needed my music. Except when with Tavi. ... After spacing out and listening to music for what seemed like forever, the final bell rang for the day and I sprang to life. I grabbed my big headphones, placed them on my ears and faintly heard Sunset say. "See you at the party!" I smiled and nodded on the way out. I ran to Sugar Cube Corner as fast as I could and got food into my system quickly. I paid the Cakes and walked out to see Tavi. "Hey Vinyl. The party is starting soon and I thought you would like to help Pinkie set it up, you being band mates after all." Tavi said with a neutral face. She always got like this when we talked about my being in the Rainbooms. It was like she didn't like, or hate it, it just existed. I raised my eyebrow and pointed at her. "I'll come too." Awesome! I nodded after I thought this and Tavi sighed in defeat. I let out a smirk. "Your lucky your my sister..." Tavi looked slightly annoyed, but nonetheless happy. I know. I smiled even harder as we walked back to the school's gymnasium, or rather, Pinkie's favorite place to throw parties. Upon arrival, we saw Sunset and the rest of the Rainbooms. I waved towards them and they waved back. "Hey Vinyl! How's it going?" Rainbow Dash practically yelled. I move my hand in a seesaw action. "Boring day, darling?" Rarity said as she approached me. I nodded to her. "That is disappointing to hear, dear. But we do have a gig. Well, a popularity gig, we won't get paid and it is a generous favour to Pinkie." I shrug. "You girls didn't have to do that! But thanks for doing it! Vinyl, can you start the party off with your music and then we can continue it as a group?" Pinkie says in almost a heartbeat. I nod and Rainbow Dash reacts. "I knew we could count on you, Vinyl!" Rainbow was smiling as she placed her arm around the back of my neck. I smile and Octavia finally speaks up. "I hate to ruin this moment, but we should finish preparations for the party. It's getting late." Octavia said and everyone nodded as we continued working. ... I was at my booth ready to start the tunes, when Pinkie made the opening announcement. "Hey there Crystal Prep and Canterlot High students! Today we are here to throw a party in our schools getting a draw." Massive amounts of clapping and roaring from the crowd erupted. "Today's music will be provided by DJ PON-3..." Pinkie points to me and I wave at the crowd. "...and the Rainbooms!" More applause. "Hit it!" I start playing my music and the party starts. I love this feeling. Where I can stand out and speak up with my music, my second language other than motions and writing. I play vigorously and everyone is having a good time dancing. It fills me with the hole I had in my heart when I lost my words. No. When my words were stolen. It makes me feel...hole...I think to myself as I play my music. Halfway through my music a mic is tapped and feedback fills my ears. Making me take off my headphones and placing my fingers in my ears. It was Principal Celestia. "Sorry! I just want to say a few words. After the events at the Friendship Games, I just want to say that I am very proud to be in this room, with every student here. We all have our own unique voice to share with the world..." I felt tears trickle down my face as I tried, and failed, to tune Principal Celestia out. "...and with those voices we bring our opinions to light..." I can feel myself breaking down as she continued. "I want to thank all of you for lending your voice to the crowd and allowing us to be united!" Celestia was smiling as she said this. A realization hit me that threatened to break me. We are all united...except me. I will never lend my voice to the crowd because I don't have one. I began to shake and sob without sound and as I stood up and caused a really loud scratching noise to happen. All eyes were on me and I turned around and ran. I could hear Tavi screaming for me and a couple other voices, the Rainbooms, after her. I let out a guttural sound, my form of expressing pain, as I ran. "Vinyl! Stop!! PLEASE!!!" Tavi screamed, but I was lost in my thoughts. I'll never belong. I'm an outsider who will never be heard and let in. I stopped after this thought and fell on my left side. I hugged my knees. It's just like that night all those years ago... I think to myself. I close my eyes and remember the worst day of my life. > The Flashback > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hey Vinyl!" Tavi screamed to me and I turned like a robot, with no control of my actions. Fucking dreams! My mouth moved like it always does, but sound came out. "Hey Tavi!" I dreaded seeing Tavi. This was that day. The day everything changed. "You all set to go with my parents and me?" I smiled a crooked smile. "Yes, but it's my parents and I." Tavi corrected me. "Whatever. Let's go!" I ran out involuntarily and to my parents, which made my heart sink. I've missed you two. I thought, as if thoughts would get through to my dreamworld. "Okay." Tavi then walked after me and we got inside of the car. It was a black four door Honda. "You girls all set?" My father's deep voice nearly boomed. His voice was loud due to projection training after years of professional on-stage theatre. "Uh huh. All set." I said nonchalantly. I sat in the back on the left and Tavi on the right. "Are you sure?" My mother spoke. She had a soft voice, not as soft as Fluttershy, but close enough. "Yes. We haven't left out anything." Tavi said matter-of-fact like. I groaned. "We haven't left anything out this time! Honest!" I was still a bit salty after a scolding from my mother when we forgot our sunscreen to the beach. I laughed internally watching this. I was such a brat! My mother gave me a look and then returned her eyes to the road. My dad was driving. I sighed and looked at Tavi. She was smiling like a goof at me. I let out a pout and started to chuckle afterwards. Tavi has always known how to calm me down... We drove for what felt like an hour, but was actually half of that and we arrived at a bowling alley. My mom had decided to let Tavi and I come here because of our good grades, and Octavia's parents agreed to let her. She was my best friend after all. We played two games. During the first my dad won and during the second Tavi won. I did downright horrible in the first game, but Tavi encouraged me to continue and taught me some tricks. I didn't do aweful, but I wasn't an all-star. I got third and my mom got last. Looks like the women in my family weren't meant to bowl. Though, I was only nine, there were years for me to find my talent. Tavi was a year younger than me, but she was better than me in lots of things. School being the most prominent. I had A's and B's-this year-and she had straight A's, like almost always. "Let's play some arcade games now!" I said. I absolutely loved Deadly Kombat, but Tavi didn't like it because it was brutish. "I'll just watch instead." Tavi took a seat next to me and watched. I was better than her in games. I played for a good while and then I was sucked back to reality by a shoulder tap. "What?" "Did you hear that? It sounded like someone!" She whispered to me. "Relax Tavi. It was probably just your head." I stayed glued to the screen. "I'm gonna check it out." Tavi got up and left through a door labelled "exit." "Kay." I said not really paying attention. You should've stopped her! I cried on the inside. I was playing, but then I ran out of money, a good two minutes after Tavi left. "Tavi?" I said. She had my money. I repeated her name and saw the door. Right. She went out. I thought to myself. I got up and left to the door. I then opened the door and, almost immediately, heard voices. It was the muffled voices of a man and a...little...girl? Strange... I thought to myself as I rounded the corner, not sure what to think. I froze at what I saw. I saw an adult shove a girl in a bag and corner Tavi. "HEY! What are you doing!?" I yelled angrily at him. This caught him by surprise and he turned around and Tavi screamed. "Vinyl! RUN!" She was really worried for me. The man spoke up in a voice that contradicted his small stature. "Looks like I got two for the price of one!" He said and it disgusted me. He walked menacingly to me and I looked at Tavi and nodded. She shook her head no, but it was too late to stop me. "Come with me little-" He didn't get to finish his sentence as I rushed forward and crash my foot to his men's parts. He yelled in pain and dropped to his knees. "Tavi! Go! Now! Call for help!" I waited for Tavi to leave and then I turned and ran. As my foot lifted itself it was grabbed from behind. I fell on my left ear. "You little BITCH! You may have cost me my freedom! Now, I will take yours!" He grabbed me, but I started screaming at the top of my lungs. He put his hand on my mouth, but I continued squirming. back then, it was like I was in a nightmare, funny how it turned into one. I bit into his arm. "AH! Little whore!" He threw me down and picked up a rock. He grabbed me with his left hand and lifted the rock with his right. He swung and slammed it into the area in front of my ear and I crumpled to the floor. "VINYL! WHERE ARE YOU, BABY?" My parents screamed in distress. The man fumbled in his pocket and took out a black gun. I saw it and tried to yell for my parents. My lips moved, but no sound came out. But that wasn't the end of my nightmare. My parents rounded the corner and saw the man and I. "VINY-" A gunshot interrupted my Dad, which was closely followed by a second one. "Vinyl..." Then, my parents fell dead, with their faces looking towards me. I screamed, but a unnatural and foreign sound came out. It was like a scream, but with no words intended. It scratched my throat and the man looked at me. "This all went to shit..." He looked at me intently. "No witnesses..." He raised his foot and slammed it on my left temple. He ran out and I stared at my parents. Every second felt like hours as I silently sobbed. I was fading out of consciousness and I heard sirens, cop and ambulance sirens. I saw Octavia run in leading an officer and when she saw the scene she got on her knees and started crying. A paramedic came and checked my parents, shaking his head no on both. Then, he approached me, checked me, and his voiced reverberated through my skull. "We got a live one!" Tavi then got close to me when they placed me in a stretcher. "You saved...my life...Thank you." She had tear streaks down her face and her eyes were bloodshot. I gave her a weak thumbs up and an equally weak crooked smile. I started closing my eyes and Tavi's face turned from sadness to horror. "Nonononono No!" Tavi said as they dragged me away and I faded into unconsciousness. ... I woke to bright white lights and a steady beeping. I also woke to an immense pain in my head, throbbing temple, and memory of my parents. I let out that foreign scream and a nurse ran in. "Yah okay, darlin'?" She had a thick country accent. My lips moved, but no sound produced. My face fell to my hands in tears and the nurse ran to me in a light hug. "I'll that as ah no." She let go of me and became objective and professional again. She was a nice and caring person deep down. "Do you want me to call anyone?" I shook my head as I thought of mt parents, but nodded after thinking of Tavi. "So... yes?" She was confused. It was obvious. I nodded again and she left. I tried talking again, but it didn't work. Fuck! Why doesn't my voice obey? I looked at the ceiling in defeat and the nurse came in with a small black phone. "Who do yah want to call?" She said. Unaware of my situation, I used a hand motion to mimic writing on paper. "Yah want paper?" She said, while obviously confused. I nodded and she got me it. I immediately began writing. Can I text instead? I wrote to the nurse. "Ah don't see why not." She said to me while she proffered the phone to me. I grabbed the phone and texted Octavia. Tavi! It's Vinyl. Tavi responded. Oh my Faust, Vinyl are you okay? I thought about my predicament. I don't know. I just woke up. I need to get over there now. I'll tell my parents. I really want to talk to you. That line struck me in the heart. I don't know about that, Tavi. I was worried. Don't worry. My parents said yes and that they want to thank you! Thank me? Why would they do that? I was confused. You don't remember? You know what? I'll tell you in person! Bye! I could tell that she left to come here so I didn't bother responding. I didn't know what to tell her, well, write to her. ... Tavi arrived with her parents and immediately hugged me, which also immediately hurt, but I couldn't say anything about it. "Vinyl! Thank you for saving my life!" She squeezed tighter. What? I saved your life? I thought and tried to say. Instead I backed away, rose an eyebrow, and pointed at myself. "You don't remember? At the alley. I was gonna get caught, but you stood up for me and got hurt instead of me. They caught the dude, by the way. He also..." Tavi's voice cracked. "Killed your parents." "We are paying for your medical fees." Mr. Melody interjected. "I can't thank you enough for saving my daughter." I raised my hand and dropped my wrist then arms as if to tell him it was nothing. I smiled a crooked smile. "Wait. Speak up, dear." Mrs. Melody said. Her words made my heart stop. I grabbed the paper I had and wrote down: I don't think I can. "What do you mean "you can't?" Tavi said. Then as if on cue the doctor came in and addressed me. He had a grim face, full of pity. "Hello. Shall I call you Vinyl or Ms. Scratch?" I made put up one with my fingers. "Okay then. Do you want to hear the good news, or the bad news first?" I shrugged. "Good it is. You didn't receive as bad as damage as would be expected. The bad news is that even though you didn't receive as a major damage as expected, you have permanently damaged the Broca's Area of your brain. We did all we could, but in the end all we could do was stitch your cuts up and bandage your head." It was then that I noticed the bandage that wrapped around my head like a bandanna. "What does that mean, doc?" Tavi said in tears. The doctor kept a straight face. "It means Vinyl could be mute for the rest of her life. She might not be able to produce sounds with her vocal chords. She can produce sounds that don't need vocal chords, but it will sound different." The doctor then took his leave. "She'll be good to go in little over a week." Tavi then muttered "where? The orphanage?" She was disappointed in the outcome of these events. I save her life and then I end up an orphan and a mute. "Actually, Octavia. Me and your father have been talking about where Vinyl will go after this and..." She paused and let Mr. Melody continue. "...We want to adopt you Vinyl." They looked at me hesitantly. No way! They want me to be their adopted daughter, now that my parents were dead. I was taken aback. "If you want to..." Said Mrs. Melody. I paused again and nodded. I cried and held onto Tavi, my new sister. "I can't wait for you to be out of here. Sis." Tavi said. I closed my eyes and thought to myself. I may have lost my family and my voice, but life has given me back a new family. Hopefully it can give me a new voice. One that is free and exotic and full of energy. One that shows how loud I truly am. One that I can use to help people. One that makes me stand out, in a special way... > The Apology > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I came to in the arms of my sister and with my friends surrounding us. With the student body farther away, murmuring among themselves. I looked around and Tavi hugged me tighter. "It's okay, Vinyl. You don't need to think about that night." Tavi whispered in my ears as I silently sobbed. Then, Pinkie spoke up. "Are you okay, Vinyl?" Pinkie asked me in a worried voice. I shook my head no. "Kind of guessed..." Pinkie said. "But needed to ask. Want me to throw you a party to make you feel better?" Again, I shook my head no. "Let me talk to her Pinkie." Celestia appeared from the multitude of faces from the crowd. "Oki doki loki!" Pinkie said, with little enthusiasm. It was a little funny for her to say such a weird statement with a serious look, but that did little to ease my sorrow, or pry my face from Tavi's shoulder. "Vinyl..." Celestia said my name and I looked up at her, which made her pause and look at me blankly. After what felt like a millennia, Celestia spoke up. "I apologize for anything that I may have said to hurt your feelings. I never thought that I would end up hurting one of my students with that speech." She paused again and looked down. She pulled herself together and made herself stoic again. "Do you wish to speak about why you reacted that way? You look as if something is bothering you and I worry." Celestia had such caring eyes, it sickened me right now. I would love to speak about it, but I don't think I can! I sarcastically thought. I saw her eyes and I softened my heart. It's not her fault, she didn't know. No one knows. I asked Tavi to keep quiet about it, but it may be time for change. I nodded and got Tavi's attention. She looked at me. "You want me to tell her?" Tavi had a relieved look, but also looked as if she dreaded having to go back to that night. I dreaded going back there in my nightmares, so I don't blame you. Hell, I just recently came back from it. I thought to myself as I nodded. No more running. I need to confront this and get help. "Both of you?" Celestia said in a quizzical manner. I nodded to her. She gave us a confused look and shrugged. Celestia lead us to her office and closed the door behind us. I could see the girls outside, waiting for me. I need to tell them too. No more secrets... I thought to myself as Celestia sat down. Then she spoke up. "Whenever you're ready..." she looked at us patiently. I thought to myself. Time to get this over with... I then proceeded to nod at Octavia. She told the story in its entirety. With us at the bowling alley, me and Deadly Kombat. Well, Deadly Kombat and I. Then, she told her about the noise and the confrontation where my parents died and I was injured. She went on to explain what the doctor said and her parents adopting me. All the while Celestia paid watched us attentively and had a face of concentration. "And that's how it all came to be..." Tavi said to Celestia. "And why Vinyl can't talk." "I'm so sorry about your... unique situation and I will accommodate all my future speeches as to not bring up any past demons." I thought about Sunset for a second. You really need to choose your words better... I thought flatly. "I believe that you should get professional help for your problems. It seems like these events still bother you..." The principal said. That's an understatement. I thought. "And I believe a specialist will help you better cope with your feelings. Also, you should seek comfort through your friends." She pointed at the Rainbooms outside. "Lastly, I want to thank you for telling me instead of bottling up your emotions inside." Principal Celestia then glanced at a picture of Vice Principal Luna, hoping to go unnoticed, but I saw it clearly. "You may leave if you wish, but can stay in here longer if you need to. I must get going." Celestia then walked out her door. I took a minute to pick myself up and nodded to Tavi. I thought myself. Now to face the real world... and my problems. ...Years earlier... "Those blasted girls! They ruined my life!" Said an inmate in his bunk. "I will get out of here and get them, even if it is the last thing I do!" He was ranting vigorously. Then a noise of someone hitting a hollow metal appeared. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Said the inmate's cell mate. The inmate was startled and whispered to himself before sleeping. "I will get you and take everything you love. Just you wait."