(Originally published July 20, 2014)The Squeaky Sabotage of Sir Satire
"Angel!" A sweet voice rang throughout a small cottage, its inherent gentleness carrying a wave of happiness over all of the animals who resided there. Such a voice belonged to a yellow pegasus, whose daily life was spent caring for the many creatures that dwelled in her humble home. Now was suppertime, and had she not been as easygoing as she was, she would've been quite irritated with one specifically stubborn pet. "Angel!" she called again, searching around. Finally a small creature was seen coming into view, up close a small, white bunny rabbit. "Oh, there you are, Angel!" Fluttershy exclaimed happily. The bunny examined the meticulously-prepared salad that was held in front of him, sniffing and feeling each aspect. Finally coming to a verdict, he crossed his arms tight and, with one swift motion, kicked the bowl across the room, showering all sorts of fresh vegetables in its wake. Fluttershy looked to the ground guiltily. “Oh, Angel,” she said. “I was sure that I’d gotten everything you asked for this time!” The bunny shook his head violently and stomped his foot in impatience. “Alright then. I’ll just start again…” The pegasus went to begin preparation again, but was interrupted by a loud rapping on her front door. “Hello?” she asked the sound.
“It’s me, dearest Fluttershy!” a familiar voice replied. She trotted over and opened the door, revealing a very fancily dressed Discord, complete with top hat and monocle. “Ah, there you are!” he exclaimed excitedly. “Everything is prepared just as you asked.”
Fluttershy smiled. “Oh, thank you, Discord. Twilight’s going to be so happy!" She left for a moment, then returned with a picnic basket filled with various expertly prepared foods. Discord took the basket graciously, walking off into the nearby forest. Fluttershy turned her attention for a moment to the dissatisfied patron who still sat with his arms across his chest. “I’m sorry, Angel, but I have to go get Twilight. I wouldn’t want to be late!” He raised an eyebrow. “Be careful!” She flew over and patted his head, much to his aversion, before leaving the home.
* * *
Spike grumbled as he passed his roommate’s bedroom door, hearing loud “Oh!”s and “Really?”s. Inside, the unicorn was indulging in a book - Volume II of How the Hell Do Equestrian Politics Work? (Really, We Have No Idea). She typically responded out loud as she read, much to the dragon’s aversion.
“Could you keep it down in there?” he asked, irritated. But the plea sailed right past Twilight, her mind being occupied. It was because of this that she didn’t hear the tap of a weak hoof against the front door. Spike answered for her, smiling at the visitor. “Heya, Fluttershy! Lookin for Twilight?” She nodded, sending Spike off to retrieve his friend.
After nearly twenty to thirty pokes, the unicorn acknowledged his presence, smiling at the news. She placed the book down delicately and trotted happily to the entrance. “Hi, Fluttershy!” she said to the pegasus, beaming. “What do you need?”
“Hello, Twilight! I was wondering if you would like to come to a picnic that me and Discord pu-,”
“Discord..?!” The unicorn jumped back, staring worriedly in the door’s direction. "I- he-...!" she looked at her friend's confused face, then, unsure of how to object, sighed and agreed.
Fluttershy perked up and hugged her friend tight. “Oh, how wonderful! Come on, we’re going to be late!” She hurriedly shoved the unicorn out of the door and in the direction Discord had wandered off to.
Fluttershy led the way back toward her cottage, Twilight following cautiously behind. She passed the house, muffled, angry shouts and loud taps coming from the window. She giggled warmly and pressed on, straight into the Everfree Forest. "Uh... Fluttershy?" Twilight asked, confused. "I thought you were afraid of the forest..." She gawked at how fearlessly her friend pressed on.
"Discord wanted to have it here, and he said that he would protect us from any danger. Oh, Twilight, isn't he just the sweetest?" She smiled stupidly.
"Oh yeah, sooo kind," the unicorn replied, rolling her eyes. She continued warily, growing more worried about this picnic with each crackle of dry leaves and twigs beneath her hooves. A light breeze blew through her mane and sent a chill down her spine, which was coupled with the eerie gloominess of the foliage. Though Fluttershy, much to Twilight's disbelief, kept her calm entirely, even humming happily, which greatly contrasted the current setting.
Coming upon a thick wall of vines in the path, Fluttershy ordered (or rather awkwardly pleaded) Twilight to stay put, leaving through the blockage. Twilight couldn't see through the greenery, but could distinctly hear the chilling voice of a dreaded creature.
"Oh, there you are, Fluttershy!" the voice called, beaming. "I just finished the final touches. What do you think?"
"Oh, Discord... It's perfect!" Twilight heard a loud thump, which she could only assume was an abrupt hug. “Twilight’s going to love this!”
The vines rustled again and the pegasus reappeared, this time beckoning Twilight to follow. Carefully she made her way through, poking just her head through to the other side. At first she could see nothing but a large open field, the other side of the forest barely visible. She stepped through and was turned by her friend to the right, to which she froze. The simple picnic she’d expected was replaced by an extravagant feast: A seemingly endless long table was adorned with a very elegant floral tablecloth and expensive silver plates and utensils lined the sides (which Twilight assumed was more for aesthetics than practicality). But what the unicorn noticed most was the overabundance of food - sandwiches and cakes and pastries that could likely feed the entire Apple family. It filled her with a worrisome dread, which augmented at the sight of a particular draconequus.
“Twilight! I’m so glad you could join us!” Discord flew over to the unicorn and hugged her tight. The embrace was returned half-heartedly. “Well, please, please, take a seat. Make yourself comfortable. I don’t want you to leave until you’re…,” he paused and grinned, “full.” Twilight shuddered and he flew off, chuckling.
She looked at Fluttershy, who smiled back warmly. “Help yourself, Twilight. We don’t want you to go hungry!” Her seemingly harmless comment forced another shudder out of the unicorn, and upon looking over at Discord’s stupid grin she lost her appetite.
“I don’t know…” Twilight said, feeling sick.
Discord turned, his face already stuffed. “Wuhld yuh lerk shuh-?” Receiving an aggravated look from Fluttershy, he swallowed, gave her an apologetic look, and repeated. “Would you like some assistance?”
“No!” the unicorn yelled, jumping up. Eyeing Fluttershy's shocked expression, she sat back down and politely added, “No thank you, I’m fine.” Discord snickered again, shoveling a plateful of sandwiches into his mouth.
The feast continued as expected, with Discord gorging himself relentlessly and Fluttershy occasionally nibbling at a pastry or two. Every once in a while Discord would look over at Twilight, who had, under pressure of Fluttershy’s pleading eyes, only taken a bite of a small cake, and rub his bloated belly, slowly moving his hand further from his body until mimicking an explosion with his arms. The unicorn blushed heavily, her suspicion hitting its peak, but remaining secluded, so as not to disrupt Fluttershy's intended peace.
After a few very uncomfortable and nerve-racking hours for the purple pony, all the food was miraculously emptied into Discord’s stomach, which, surprisingly, looked as shapely as ever. He patted it lovingly, uttering out a ground-shaking belch. Being flashed yet another irritated look, he politely said, “Do excuse me,” chuckling.
Seeing her friend staring sickly at the draconequus’ belly, Fluttershy called over to her, “How did you enjoy the food? Well, the food you could get your hooves on…” She chuckled at Discord, who grinned guiltily.
“It was very good, Fluttershy,” Twilight replied, turning away from the taunting creature. “Thank you,” she turned back to Discord, “and... you,” she turned back, “for having me. It was very nice of you.” She smiled warmly.
“Say, Fluttershy…” Discord interjected, walking over and placing a claw on her shoulder. “You did most of the work. Why don’t you head home and let me and Twilight here,” he pulled the unicorn into a hug, which she greeted with a shocked gape. “clean this up?”
“Oh, I don’t know…” the pegasus replied, staring at the vast array of dirty dishes.
“Please,” he replied, waving his arm nonchalantly, “we can take care of this. Right, Twilight?” She shook her head furiously.
“Well, if you insist,” Fluttershy said. She flew up to him and pecked him on the nose, to which he blushed feebly. “Thank you.”
“Anytime, dear Fluttershy!” He waved as she flew away, still holding Twilight in a near-death grip. As soon as she was out of view, he dropped the unicorn carelessly, stifling a pained grunt. Turning to the table, he snapped his fingers, making the entire setup vanish. Twilight stood up, looking cautiously at Discord, and began to walk away. Though he stopped her in her tracks, waving a finger in front of her face. “Now, now, where do you think you're going? We've hardly gotten started!" She quickened her pace. “No, no, no!” he replied, freezing her mid-step. She stared at him worriedly, watching his every move. "There's still so much to be done!" He gestured to the clear field beside him.
Twilight broke her focus and looked towards the field. "What do yo- AGH!” She meeped, her rump being met with a very cold object. A soft whirring was heard behind her, and before she could process what was happening her belly started to press outward. She yelled out in shock, but was hushed by a finger to her mouth.
Discord stared down at her menacingly. “Now, let's have a little fun..." With one swift motion, he popped her horn straight off of her head. She stared back up, terrified. "You know, I was thinking to myself the other day, 'How can I show my dear," he emphasized the word 'dear,' "friend Twilight how much she means to me?' And then it hit me!" He snapped his fingers loudly, ignoring the pleas of a still inflating Twilight, her belly nearly touching the ground. "There is going to be a parade in Canterlot tomorrow to celebrate the princesses, or whatever, and I wanted to participate! But I was lacking one crucial factor. What was it, you ask?" She squeaked behind his finger, her body slowly lifting from the ground. "A float, my dear," he said condescendingly. "And that's when it hit me! You can be my float!" She whimpered. "You've always wanted yourself to be known..." She squealed. "Well, after you're seen by thousands upon thousands of ponies," each word was like a bullet, "no one will ever be able to forget you! Oh, isn't it wonderful!?" She was finding it very difficult to share his enthusiasm.
Discord walked around his soon-to-be parade float, opening the valve on the helium tank a bit further. Twilight opened her mouth to yell out, but instantly the gas fired like a rocket, blocking any speech. "Now, now, we can't have our balloon leaking..." He conjured up a piece of rope, tying her mouth shut with one end and securing the other to a spoke in the ground. She made subtle, muffled noises behind the restraint, but was overpowered by the hissing of the tank.
The draconequus stood back and joyously watched the mare inflate. Soon the rest of her body filled with the gas, her belly already the size of an apple cart. Her cheeks puffed out immensely behind the rope, blocking much of her face. Her rump expanded behind her, resembling two large beach balls. Even her legs began to inflate, growing thicker and rounder and locking in place at her sides. "My, you're very good at this," Discord said sarcastically, rubbing the purple unicorn's distended chest. "Do you get practice?" She blushed deeply, which sent him to the floor in a fit of laughter, dropping her horn as he clutched his belly. As she grew, her body began to shine like rubber, even squeaking with each of her inflator's rubs.
Though in the middle of yet another laughing fit, Discord was interrupted by the rustling of leaves in the distance. A familiar yellow pegasus made her way into the field, humming happily as she flew towards the scene. She landed in front of Discord, who was still on the ground, holding his legs in his arms and looking up worriedly, and opened her eyes. "I know you said you could handle it, but I thought you might still need he-" Twilight slowly came into view, her limbs sinking into her inflating body. Fluttershy stopped dead in her tracks, staring at her friend open-mouthed.
Discord seized the opportunity, soaring up from the ground and grabbing the petrified Fluttershy. With a snap of his fingers, the rope disappeared. Deftly, he shoved the pegasus face-first into Twilight's maw, stifling a loud squeak and, after a second, a slight hissing.
"Oh, I'm so glad you could join us, Fluttershy..." The pegasus' wings shut tight in shock, her eyes agape. She kicked pathetically at Twilight's chest as her cheeks puffed out, soon followed by her petite stomach. The unicorn's growth ceased, but she did not deflate, the tank hissing away behind her right into Discord's new target. She rounded out much quicker than his other balloon, the tank pumping furiously. Her wings quivered as the gas flowed into them, each feather one-by-one sticking straight out with a POP! After less than a minute, she rivaled Twilight's size, her hooves and head already mostly engulfed by her inflating body. Discord flew around the soon-to-be balloon, playfully poking a cheek or rubbing her belly or, and this was his favorite (and her least), grabbing and squeezing her increasingly plush bottom aggressively with both hands.
She continued to grow even larger than the purple blimp that pumped her, her maw whimpering fearfully behind obscuring cheeks. Discord's yellow balloon also grew to be much shinier than his purple one, her skin taking on a much more rubbery consistency. Soon, and Discord pouted aloud when it happened, the tank emptied, for a second leaving the two unmoving. Although Twilight's exhalation did not cease, and soon what emptied from the purple balloon inflated the much more vast yellow balloon, whose body showed no signs of reaching it's limit. Discord landed directly on her rumpcheeks, between which he could've fit at least ten of himself, and jumped about, the loud, rubbery squeaks stifling erratic patterns of sinister snickering and full, hearty bellows of laughter.
As soon as Twilight reached her normal proportions - a comically small size compared to the gargantuan pegasus she was connected to - she popped off of her muzzle and fell to the ground. For a moment the pegasus floated in place, her lips pressed tightly closed and vibrating dangerously. Her face went from pink to red to a deep blue until she couldn't stand the pressure any longer, her mouth firing open and spewing helium with a force that shot her into the air. Discord watched as she spun and twisted helplessly through the air. He fell to his back, holding his stomach and kicking his legs up in an almost painful fit of laughter. The pegasus zoomed at speeds that would make Rainbow Dash jealous, bobbing to and from trees with loud BOING!s like a pinball game.
Preoccupied by his never-ending fit of laughter, Discord didn't notice the angle the pegasus blimp hit the last tree at, launching her head-first in the direction of the lying, heaving heap of chaos. He swung his head up and took a deep breath, Fluttershy popping into his mouth mid-inhale. His eyes opened wide at the sight of the blimp, his cheeks puffing out involuntarily. Though he managed to hold his breath in time to cut off the air flow, his body still in a sprawled-on-the-floor-and-dying-of-laughter position. Twilight shook her head, her senses finally recovered. She watched the draconequus struggle to halt the flow, his cheeks trembling and sweat dribbling down his forehead. Quickly, she (uncomfortably) removed the hose and grabbed her horn from the ground, plopping it on and, perplexingly, reattaching it to her head. With her magic back, she managed to throw a phantom blow at Discord's stomach, causing him to cringe and gasp, his heart sinking.
With an open pathway, the helium zoomed from the second victim's body into the third's, his red pupils dilating to barely visible sizes. He pushed and clawed at Fluttershy's chest and face in vain, his belly quickly rounding out to the same bloated appearance he used to unnerve Twilight earlier. Though it didn't stop there, expanding along with his chest, which was much more prominent than a pony's. He rolled over onto his belly, which continued to grow exponentially. His rump received a great amount of the helium, rounding out and growing like two large yoga balls. As his body was pumped more and more full of the gas, his arms and legs began to thicken, and soon the pressure was too much for him to bend them. His chest filled similarly to his rump, his pecs rounding on top of his body and giving him a massive, airy rack.
Having already been mostly deflated, Fluttershy emptied the last bit of air into the draconequus and dropped to the ground, unconscious. But before Discord could expel the gas, Twilight took over, magically sealing every orifice and filling him from the inside. His eyes, which had calmed down as the yellow balloon deflated, shrunk in shock again, his body starting again to press outward.
She watched him intently, grinning wildly as each feature expanded. With his neck and body already round and plump, the gas travelled to his extremities. His arms, legs, and wings inflated and rounded out, sinking into his now slightly shiny body. With a loud POP!, his hands and feet bulged out, which were then followed by the THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! of his fingers, toes, and feathers. The pressure was evident, as his glossy sheen grew more and more prominent and his stretching skin uttered low, grumbled creaks.
His tail was what the unicorn focused on next, it first sticking straight out behind him and then rounding out bigger and wider. It's size soon rivaled his bubble butt, which was taller than some of the trees.
As he continued to inflate effortlessly, his head sunk deeper and deeper into his engorged neck. His beach ball cheeks covered most of his sealed maw, which was now leaking tiny amounts of air, and squeaked as they rubbed against his neck. His ears and even horns inflated as well, their dull, rubbery tips prodding his neck uncomfortably.
After several minutes of constant expansion, Discord no longer looked like Discord. His entire body exceeded the size of many blimps, it's glossy surface becoming translucent and, in some areas, a straining reddish hue. His arms and legs were reduced to thick, protruding balloons, each encasing a dangerously over-inflated appendage. His wings were massive, each tightly compressed feather large enough to sit a pony or two. His tail failed to match the size of his rump, whose extreme size and glossiness was enough to make even the straightest stallion swoon. His chest protruded like no other, his individual pecs like two large, supple balloons. Even his face failed to define him, encased and enveloped almost entirely by his vast, leathery neck.
Soon, his inflation slowed, the pressure taking an obvious toll on his overly-strained skin. His nearly see-through body grew redder and redder, his flesh uttering loud and dangerous CREEEAAAKs. He let out strenuous, yet muffled screams, which were only barely audible over the squeaks and creaks that littered the typical peace of the field. Air hissed and leaked from every aperture, the buildup inside too much for Twilight to hold back entirely.
His body CREEAAKed and CREEAAKed all over, growing bigger and tighter and wider until, with one final shriek and a deafening KABOOM!, he exploded. The entire field was assaulted by tornado-speed winds, uprooting several trees and sweeping the two ponies far across the opening.
As it settled down, Twilight sat up and rubbed her head, wincing. To her left was Fluttershy, still knocked out completely and very rough and beat up from the tumble. The massive crater to her right jolted her mind, her intense malice and overpowering enthusiasm now very much subsided. She stared at the chasm, realizing the extent of what she'd just done. Though all regret washed away with the plop of a long, brown scrap of rubber on the mare's nose. She pulled it off, inspecting it curiously. A green scrap follow suit, landing on her head and draping down her horn. Then was a red piece on her left leg. She looked up at the cascade of rubbery scraps of flesh raining down and littering the field. She grinned evilly, prancing about and making rubber angels with the scraps of her victim. But she stopped at the sight of her exhausted friend being showered in the remains of a friend dear to her and quickly scooped her onto her own back, carrying her home. She cleaned the pegasus a bit and laid her in her bed, pulling the covers tight and giving her a peck on the forehead.
Returning to the field, she cast a whirlwind on the rubbery debris, spinning it faster and closer until the glowing purple tornado thinned out and dissipated. A figure dropped to the ground, groaning as it lifted itself into it's feet. It stretched out each extremity, cracking and popping as it loosened. Twilight walked over to the creature, holding out a hoof. It gave her it's claw, shaking her hoof proudly. "So that's 1-1?"
"I suppose so," Discord replied, chucking. "Round 3?"
The unicorn grinned menacingly, nodding her head and walking back in the direction of Ponyville.