Two Times a Day
“And that’s why it’s important to always brush your horn twice a day,” Cheerilee reiterated to her students. She wasn’t sure how much attention they were actually paying at this point, given that there were only five minutes left in the school day, but she still wanted to try her best to get the message across. Though, to be perfectly fair, it probably didn’t matter a whole lot if her non-unicorn students were listening.
Ever since it had been found that unicorn horns were, in fact, made out of candy, a large-scale health education program had been launched across Equestria, on the orders of Princess Celestia herself. The candy-based revelation had immediately called into question hundreds or even thousands of years of research into unicorn horns and how their magic worked, but it had solved one problem, at least: the mechanics behind horn rot, an issue that had always plagued a not insignificant portion of the unicorn population, were finally beginning to be understood.
And the solution was simple: Just brush your horn. Nothing special was even needed in order to do it, either: just a toothbrush and toothpaste, the same as would be used in your mouth. Assuming that you do brush your teeth, of course.
The school bell rang and all of the students rushed out of the room – all except for one. Sweetie Belle hung back, nervously waiting for everypony else to leave. As soon as the coast seemed to be clear, she walked up to Cheerilee and slowly lifted the hat that she had been wearing all day.
“What if I already have horn rot?” she asked sadly. “Will brushing still help?”
“I…I’m not sure,” Cheerilee replied honestly. The teacher’s manual for this lesson hadn’t specified what to do in a situation like this, and she had no firsthand experience of the situation – after all, she wasn’t a unicorn. But she’d definitely be sending feedback to Princess Celestia about the missing information.
“But you’re the teacher – you have to be sure!” Sweetie Belle said plaintively.
“Um, I don’t suppose it could hurt?” Cheerilee said weakly. She really felt bad for not knowing the answer to the question, but she didn’t see why brushing the horn anyway should be a problem, unless perhaps brushing too much could wear down the outer layer of candy or something. “Maybe you could go see Colgate – since horn care seems to be similar to dental care, she might know what to do.”
Sweetie Belle left, not really feeling any better than she had before and perhaps even feeling a bit worse. Why did her horn have to be made out of candy? Why couldn’t it be made out of some other material, like diamond or something? Wow, a diamond horn! That would actually be kind of awesome, now that she thought about it. She was so engrossed in this thought that she didn’t realize she had gone outside without putting the hat back on.
“Ha, ha!” Silver Spoon pointed at Sweetie Belle and laughed. Diamond Tiara looked like she wanted to speak up, though Sweetie Belle honestly wasn’t sure whose side she would take. But then she backed off and didn’t say anything, anyway.
Sweetie Belle replaced the hat on her head and ran away in tears, heading for Colgate’s dental office. Hopefully Cheerilee was right about her being able to help. But when she got there, she saw only a sign saying “Minuette is out of the office at the moment. Please try again later.” Minuette was, of course, Colgate’s real name – “Colgate” was just a nickname meant to be reminiscent of the popular Equestrian toothpaste brand.
Now what was she supposed to do? If left untreated, horn rot tended to worsen quickly, and Sweetie Belle really didn’t want to have to deal with that. She supposed that she might as well go brush her horn, even if it didn’t seem like that would ultimately solve the problem. So she went to the nearest place where she knew she had a toothbrush – Carousel Boutique.
Rarity didn’t seem to be home at the moment, but Sweetie Belle wasn’t too worried about that. Everypony in Ponyville was very nice and very trusting, so the Boutique didn’t generally lock its doors, even at night. Sweetie Belle was able to slip right in and head straight to the bathroom.
Once she got there, she levitated her toothbrush out of its holder and removed the hat from her head. Coating the toothbrush with Colgate-brand toothpaste – wait, was the pony named after the toothpaste or was the toothpaste named after the pony? – she was ready to get to work. But then she had a thought – why were you supposed to brush your horn to prevent horn rot? If horns were truly made out of candy, she didn’t really see how cleaning them in the same way as teeth were cleaned would help much at all. If anything, they should require their own unique form of cleaning.
But without knowing what form that type of cleaning would take, she figured that she’d better just get going. Levitating the toothbrush to her horn and moving it back and forth with long strokes all around the perimeter, she cleaned her horn as best she could. Finally, satisfied with the outcome, she stopped and rinsed the toothbrush off. It had actually worked – a large portion of the horn seemed to have been cleaned right up, and the rest would hopefully be taken care of the next time she brushed!
While she was in the bathroom, she figured that she might as well brush her teeth, too. She…may have forgotten to do that this morning, and she hoped that it wouldn’t be too much of a problem if she tried to sort of “catch up.” But first, she hesitated for a moment – horn rot couldn’t be transferred to the inside of the mouth, could it? She didn’t particularly want to have that happen, but she only had one toothbrush, so…
“Oh, well,” she thought. “It's probably fine.” So she put a new spot of toothpaste on the toothbrush and started brushing her teeth. Immediately, she perked up. Was this a new flavor of toothpaste? It was awfully good. She looked at the toothpaste container, but it was the same mint flavor as always.
“Hmm…” she wondered. And then it hit her, though it really should have been obvious. She was tasting her own horn! That vanilla flavor was pretty good. She couldn’t really blame Pinkie for wanting to try it.
And so, not only was she able to take care of her horn rot, but she was also able to enjoy a tasty treat while brushing her teeth from then on. Mmm…vanilla.
The End