> Lex Divisia
>  by qtip6
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Prologue - Illegal Immigration
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Prologue - Illegal Immigration

Another morning in Ponyville. The birds were singing, the wind rustled through the leaves of Golden Oaks library and a single ray of brilliant sunshine cut through the morning mist into the master suite of Equestria’s only human. Ensconced as he was in a tangle of fur, hair and limbs, Lero might have been immune to the ray’s rousing effect, had it not been for the immediate and peppy reaction of the lavender mare resting on his left arm.

“Good morning Ponyville!” Twilight spoke aloud to no one in particular as she threw back the comforter and kicked her hooves over the edge of the warm and inviting bed. The fact that her actions were met with grumbles and groans from the remaining sleeping members of her herd (most of whom took a different approach to mornings) was lost on her as she stretched her arms and back.

As she hopped out of bed Twilight turned to look at the grumpy group she’d left behind, and something graced her lips which she had not felt for some time: a smile. Lero Michaeledes, Equestria’s sole human resident, noticed her introspective grin and reached out with his untrapped left hand. He yawned lazily as he stroked her mane and asked “what are you thinking Ms. Sparkle?” 

Twilight’s eyes met his and Lero could see the warmth in her expression grow as she replied “Oh Lero... it's just so nice to see everyone together, it makes me feel like even if I can’t finish my research we’ll still have something to fall back on.”

As Twilight spoke, she saw Lero’s face fall slightly and hurriedly added “n-not that it doesn’t mean I’ll be doing my all to complete my work... that is... its not li-” she was cut off by a firm grasp from Lero, accompanied by a bemused expression. “Twi- we shouldn’t chat about this here” Lero said as he motioned over his shoulder toward the still sleeping mares. “Why don’t you head downstairs and put on a kettle of tea and I’ll be down in a moment.” Twilight nodded as she hopped onto the cold oak floor, her mood slightly dimmed by the exchange. 

Lero’s eyes followed her as she left the room, her hoofs clopping softly down the hall (he still didn't know how these ponies managed to do that). Sighing softly, he lingered over the two other mares in his bed (Lyra had risen with the sun - her mornings always filled with meditation and practice) both were snuggled against his sides. He glanced between the blue and white ponies as he pensively considered how much his life had improved with these two playing such a major part of it.

A part of him understood Twilight’s satisfaction with the current state; this idyllic morning scene might be the closest approach to heaven on this side of life and death. The frown returned, however, as he contemplated the snoring pegasus (some things even the swap could not change). To let poor Rainbow lose that fire that made up so much of who she was… all so that he could indulge in this paradise? Could he let all of his friends and their families continue to live under this delusion with the feeble hope that it might be for the best? It felt like betrayal, like he was ultimately giving in to the force that he had anthropomorphized (or was it hippopomorphized?): the spell known as ‘the swap’.

After a delicate extraction from the bed to avoid waking his lovely ladies and an awkward, hurried breakfast with Twilight, where she seemed to be too guilty to meet his eye, Lero proceeded to broach the difficult subject that had reared its head in the bedroom.

“Twilight, about earlier-” Lero began before being interrupted.

“ I’m sorry Lero, I didn’t think about how that would have sounded. But you need to know that more than anything I wish that I had never ruined everything by casting that infernal sp-” Lero brought a finger to Twilight's muzzle playfully. 

“Hush!” He looked deeply into the troubled unicorn’s eyes, trying to probe the thoughts that she was hiding from him. “I thought we’d agreed that you were going to quit all this self-deprecation Twi. It doesn't do any good for anyone, least of all you.” 

He saw Twilight taking a breath to begin a vigorous defense of her outlook so he pressed on. “I know it's not easy. I also can’t help but look at Rarity and feel like this swap has been a blessing in disguise… there really isn’t an easy solution here, but I know one thing…” He reached out and grasped Twilight’s hoof.

“Whatever happens, you… I… we won’t let this swap beat us.”

=================================

The pep talk had somewhat of a positive effect. Enough, at least, to get Twilight to enter Dash’s cloud house: the de facto test bed for Swap Cures, with her chin held high.

Although Lero had taken to letting Twilight have her own space in the warded off domicile, he felt that Twilight needed him by her side today. Though initially reticent to have her precious Lero near any dangerous spellcrafting, Twilight’s token resistance faded after only mild insistence from Lero; revealing her desire for companionship under her strong academic facade.

“So Miss Sparkle, what’s on the test docket today? More data gathering? A little confidence interval confirmation?” Lero chuckled, suppressing an internal shudder as he thought back to when statistics had been an unavoidable part of his university syllabus.

“Hardly! I save data compilation and assessment day as a treat for when I’m feeling glum.” Lero’s arched eyebrow and bemused expression was ignored by Twilight while she continued to assemble her notes, quills, and her safety goggles. “No… today is all about an entirely new line of inquiry! I call it: the SHIFT!”

Twilight, paused for an awkward moment, looking at Lero with a self-assured grin.

If Twilight had chosen one of Rainbow’s cricket pets as a test subject, Lero was certain that it would choose this moment to begin singing in the awkward silence that hung in the air.

Lero coughed and looked at Twilight with a frown… “Seriously Twilight? That is a complete naming convention copy of the swap.”

Twilight’s expression grew sheepish. “OK, I confess I didn’t spend much time on the name. But that’s not important!” She turned to her notes, flipping to a section of pictograms that she had prepared in case an emergency lecture just like this was required.

“It came to me when we considered the multiple world possibility. I know we discounted that theory, but it got me thinking… what if the problem wasn’t that the cutie marks moved into different hosts, but if the world itself moved while the cutie marks stayed still?”

“Huh?” Lero fought the urge to scratch his head lest he completely become a cartoon caricature. “Think about it!” Twilight went on, “it would explain why we are having such difficulty controlling the swaps in these experiments!” As she continued to flip the notepad and its associated illustrations (all prepared for Lero’s benefit) she opened the heavily secured magical safe containing the elements of harmony, pulling out her tiara: the element of magic.

“If I tried to shift the necklaces holding the elements, instead of the elements themselves... It could have the same effect of reversing the swap without all the added complexity of dealing with such magically volatile energies!”

Lero considered for a long moment, unsure whether to get excited or act as a damper to Twilight’s enthusiasm. He’d seen her in this state before, and it seemed like she was only a few steps removed from her bouncing, *YESYESYES* spouting state.

“Huh. Well... I guess it's possible.”

Twilight deflated a bit. “Of course it's possible! It…. it just isn’t very probable.” She brought a hoof to her chest and took a deep breath: her time tested technique to reduce her stress and bring her sanity level into check. “In any case, that’s why we’re here!”

She turned to the caged animals, flipping her notebook open to the incantation she had designed, and took a deep breath:

From one mark to another, and another to one
That chaos be resolved, and order be done
Let the terrestrial planes shift
And resolution be swift
To prevent ill effect
And remain circumspect
A beam will be cast
Not some general blast
Shifting the world beneath
And granting the swapped relief!

With the final word, a low frequency rumble began to permeate the atmosphere. At first Lero thought it was just a hum, like something that he would have experienced from being near an electric transformer back on earth, but the intensity continued to build and build.

Hum became buzz, buzz became rumble and soon he was on his knees clutching his head and hoping that cloud building engineering was stronger than it looked.

“TWILIGHT! Abort the spell!!” 

The Lavender mare said nothing, her eyes shining brightly at the incredible amount of magical power flowing through her. 

Normally Lero would stay away from all things magic related, but fear and love overrode the logical parts of his mind and he reached out with his hands to grab her horn. The hair on his arms was standing straight up as if he’d shuffled his feet along a rug. Just before he made contact, the rumbling ceased and a bolt of light shot from the chest containing the elements of harmony. The light beam arced across the room with terrifying velocity and focused on a single point on the wall, causing it to glow white hot. Just as suddenly, the beam stopped, and all was silent.

“Tell me that we won’t be trying that again Twilight.” Lero said in a monotone as he caught his breath. Twilight looked back at him in open-mouthed shock, “don’t worry, I think that we can safely limit the sample size of this experiment to one.” 

Lero chuckled. “Good! I’d say we got off light with a little rumbling and a light show…” Lero trailed off as he noticed Twilight had trotted over to the wall that had been struck with the intense beam of light.

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that” Twilight nervously said as she took a step back, revealing that the beam had burnt a hole through the wall....

=================================

A sudden darkness. Then, just as unexpectedly, a flash.

Particles streamed past the man’s face like a jet speeding through a hailstorm and their impacts were no less painful than if he was strapped to the nose of that jet. The assault on his senses was overwhelming, blasting his consciousness and reducing him to simple perception of sensation… pain!

Just as it seemed he would succumb to the roiling waves of agony the bizarre event ended. There was still no light, but now there was warmth. 

Sound. 

A familiar smell. 

He found he was clenching his eyes closed, as though expecting a blow to the face. Releasing ra breath he did not know he was holding he opened his eyes.

Blinking quickly to clear his vision, he found himself in some sort of enclosure. His head felt stuffy, slow… like he should remember more about himself and his surroundings. He fumbled for the latch on his left, the motion of his arms and fingers feeling familiar to him as he tumbled out of the seat and onto the ground outside. The wet atmosphere of grass and trees filled his lungs with a refreshing coolness.

He stumbled away from the metal contraption he’d exited, ducking his head to avoid the metal ceiling that extended outward from the open door. Something in him was saying to get away from it, as though by instinct he knew that the object was dangerous.

Ahead was a trail leading into a deep forest. Though others might hesitate to enter such a dense wood haphazardly, he felt differently. He knew trails like these and these types of forests. There was a comfort there, a familiarity he could feel in his bones. His stumble became a walk, and walk became a jog. His mind was still rebooting, but the original primordial message was still there: danger - flee!

After 5 minutes or so of sprinting, tripping and scrambling along the narrow path he finally began to slow. His heart rate decreased. The reptilian part of his brainstem losing control to the more rational elements of his frontal lobe. As he began to breathe at a somewhat  normal rate, his faculties began to come back to him. Trying to access the artefacts of his memory was a murky and uncoordinated effort, like grasping at fireflies. There was one thing he was sure of: he needed help.

As he mulled this thought over, the trail ended abruptly in a clearing. The low grass was dense but well kept; although it was not mowed, the grass all seemed to be at a uniform height with not a weed in sight. The grass held his attention for only a brief moment longer,  more interesting was the large stage and the rows of empty chairs set up in front of it.

The chairs were simple, white, folding chairs and there were about 100 of them in rows of 10 with a clear split forming an aisle down the center leading to the stage. The stage itself was of modest size though the curtains which were drawn across the polished teak platform  floor were of a rich blue-purple velvet.

It appeared that the whole stage structure was attached to some sort of wagon or caravan. 

Curiously, there were no people around. No signs of life or people which one would expect to be associated with a show. There weren’t even visible park benches, houses, wastebaskets or other indicia that the area had sentient life. If it were not for the immaculate spacing and condition of the chairs and stage he would have assumed that this was an abandoned site.

Head spinning (whether from exhaustion or mental stress he wasn’t sure) the man made his way up the centre aisle and to one of the chairs directly in the front row. As he took his seat, he noticed a small amount of movement in the curtains: he’d missed it but he was certain that someone had just been peeking at him.

“Hello?” He raised his voice, almost yelling to the curtains, “Is someone there? Can I get some he-”

“The show will begin momentarily, please remain seated and quiet until then.” He was cut off by a curt, feminine voice from just behind the curtain. 

Processing the strangely callous words, he decided to press harder: “Please! I think I need some help, is there a town or hospital nearb-” 

The voice behind the curtain cut him off once again, this time he could sense a bit of a frustrated huff accompanying the reply. ”The audience will refrain from asking questions until after the show has concluded.”

He was about to retort, to express frustration at a cry for help being ignored for so simple a reason as a sideshow, when the curtains rocketed open.

A crashing boom of thunder and numerous small flashes dominated the stage. The miniature explosions generated a burst of purple smoke clouds which occluded the stage. Spinning pinwheels of phosphoric sparks danced through the seating area as static bolts crackled from the epicenter to the stage lights, bathing the cacophony in a bright white light. A deep rumbling voice (which sounded suspiciously like the voice he’d heard earlier) belted out “Prepare to be amazed, for you are about to witness THE GREAT AND POWERFUL and, as required by Royal pardon, apologetic TRRRRRRRRRIXIE”

With the last drawn out word and its nasally trilled Rs the smoke cleared to reveal a blue miniature horse wearing a purple cape and wizard hat. To the man’s amazement, this was no static object, as it began to move toward the edge of the stage more fluidly than any animatronic then he’d seen outside of a Hollywood film.

The horse (or was it a pony? He’d never really understood farm nomenclature) seemed to have a smug, self-assured expression on its face, nose upturned and eyes confidently shut as it strode cocksure toward him. Her silver-blue hair spilled over her darker blue coast, a perfect accent to her stunning eyes. With each step, fireworks the likes of which he had never seen exploded from her footsteps, crackling the air with ionizing energy. He had to admit, he was a bit taken in by the grandiosity of the spectacle.

Trixie (or so he assumed from the unmissable narrative introduction) reached the edge of the stage and proceeded to run through a well rehearsed opening act. He could quickly tell that this was some combination of magic and dance show. A rabbit plucked from a wizard hat, conjuring a length of manilla cord dance for her like a snake, and juggling a half dozen stones in mid air with a magical glow prompted awe and disbelief from the man.

He looked out for any easy tells: fishing wire, creaking joints or gears, obvious stitching revealing a costume… nothing. As the tricks flowed one into another he found himself mesmerized by the artistry of the robot in front of him. Even the magic tricks were fascinating and without any giveaways. Some were designed to amaze, some to stupefy, but all were so engrossing as to distract him from his current situation entirely.

With nary a pause in the cadence of her (he assumed it was designed to be a female from her tone and appearance) performance, the pony trotted toward him, casting a diorama of sorts in the air, animating the story she began to tell.

“Behold the POWER and majesty of the unicorn who saved Hoofington from the Ursa Major and liberated Ponyville from the sorceress Twilight Sparkle in an epic magic duel, who braved the smoke swamps of the Eastern realm, and whose beauty outshone Celestia at the Grand Galloping Gala.” The animations shifted and morphed as she spoke, showing the little pony crushing monsters, trading blows with another pony, and dancing in a flowing gown at some kind of ball. As the last scene played out, she twirled on her hind legs, finishing with an exaggerated curtsey.

There was a half-beat of silence, as Trixie prepared for the inevitable boos. Usually at this point in her routine she would face the ire of the assembled crowd... whether that took the form of insults or overripe vegetables usually depended on the time of year (harvest season was the worst for her laundry budget).

Instead for the first time in countless perfotmances she heard something completely unexpected: clapping. She opened her eyes to see the monkey-like minotaur thing on its feet with a bemused smile, cheering heartily. 

“Bravo! Most impressive!” 

Her jaw fell open.

What… why… how was she supposed to continue her act? She would usually finish things off by outshowing and outclassing the more unruly members of her audience at their very own special talents, shaming the crowd into leaving some bits.

She took a moment and coughed to clear her throat, “You, sir, in the front row: please be seated.” The man took his seat, still gazing up at her with a broad smile. She went on,  “what is your name?”

He’d almost forgotten where he was in all the pomp and spectacle of the past hour. The question snapped him back to the present, causing the floor to fall out from under him as panic gripped his heart. 

His name? 

That was such a simple question, why couldn’t he respond? Something was wrong. Very wrong. How could he not know his name? Think, think, think. Thoughts raced through his head as quickly as a bored teen flipped through TV stations. He couldn’t quite grip any particular thought as they raced out of his grasp.

He noticed the animatronic pony looking at him curiously, when he answered, almost unconsciously “Jacob…. I think.”

“Well Jacob Eyethingk, tell us: aren’t you amazed to be in the presence of the great and powerful Trixie!?” She said with a sweeping gesture of her arm that seemed to have been expertly practiced. 

“Well…uh…sure! This show has been pretty incredible!” Despite the panic he was feeling, Jacob had never been one to go against the flow of shows or events. To him heckling and public skepticism just seemed …. rude. That trait aside, he had to admit the show was like nothing he'd experienced thus far.

Trixie was stunned. He likes the show! He thinks it was awesome! A fan! 

She hadn’t had one of those since months ago with those two admittedly idiotic colts in Ponyville. Trixie stifled an inadvertent squee and again cleared her throat to regain her composure. 

“Sir, tell me: what is your special talent? Do you dare think you are better than the Great and Powerful Trixie in any way?”

“Who me?” Jacob asked incredulously, pointing a finger at his own chest to emphasize his disbelief at being suddenly singled out. 

“Please sir, answer quickly. Don’t keep the crowd waiting” Trixie said motioning toward the seating area.

Jacob paused, looking over his left shoulder and then back at the little pony. “Uh...right… the crod...” he murmured before shrugging and answering. “I… umm… I don’t really have any ‘special talents’ I don’t even know what you mean by that.” 

Trixie harrumphed. “Of course I don't mean your cutie mark... just something you are good at! Now now Jacob, don’t be shy! If you could do one thing right now what would it be?” 

Jacob paused for a moment, there still wasn’t much memory for him to call on. He was still reacting to the present as it occurred. On autopilot so to speak. 

Shrugging, Jacob replied, “Nothing really. I’m enjoying the show for now I guess.”

“HAH! You think you can be more gracious than the great and magnanimous Trixie? Watch in amazement!” Trixie took a deep breath and looked at the human, affecting a different look in her eyes. If Jacob had to guess he would say it reminded him of a puppy dog begging for the last scrap of bacon from the breakfast table.

Trixie took her hat in her hands and spoke in a soft tone, all theatrics gone from her voice. 

“Thank you so much for your kind words sir. *sniffle* This is the most difficult show of Trixie’s tour. She would skip Ponyville altogether, they hate her so much *sob* but the terms of the Royal pardon forbids her from skipping any stops on her mandated free-admission tour circuit.” She brushed a tear from one of her eyes “It is so nice for Trixie to have a fan after all these shows” Trixie finished by looking into his eyes with a heart-melting pout. If not for the fact that it was an animatronic robot in front of him, Jacob would have leapt on stage to embrace the showmare.

Nonetheless Jacob’s mouth was agape. The transition from showpony to the sad little thing in front of him was about as abrupt as a corvette slamming into a concrete wall. Before he could say anything, the hat was back on and the superior smug smile was on the robot’s (or so he assumed) face.

“Don’t you feel insignificant and arrogant compared to the great and powerful Trixie’s humility? TREMBLE and admit defeat in the face of her overwhelming modesty!” 

Trying to parse those statements hurt Jacob’s head a little bit, but in the end he couldn’t help but laugh out loud and applaud once again at the what he assumed was a well executed piece of comedy. “Bravo, bravo!”

Trixie bowed and whipped her cloak about her as she turned away “This concludes the Great and Powerful Trixie Show! You may depart.” She began to make her way back toward the curtains, which were slowly drawing closed. 

“Wait, wait, wait! You said I could ask questions once the show was over.” Jacob stated as he stepped up onto the stage. Trixie paused, speaking over her shoulder “Ask away then, Trixie is listening.”

“Well… I mean... first I just gotta say, this is an incredible show, everything seems so real.” Trixie clucked her tongue “Of course it is real! Trixie is no con artist.” Jacob smiled, respecting the commitment of the show operator to the illusion. “The effects, the tricks both were incredible, but nothing compared to this pony” Jacob was now addressing the area behind the curtain, where he suspected the operator was, “she looks so lifelike, graceful and fluid…” 

Trixie was blushing brightly “Yes of course, Trixie is incredible is she not?” the blue pony held her chin up high and was beaming from ear to ear. “I’ll say, I didn’t know it was possible to make something so amazing, it’s really incredible! I love the costume” Jacob said as he reached out and touched the fabric, feeling the silken quality of Trixie’s cape. Trixie had burning pink cheeks; it would not be out of place to say that this sort of praise was what she felt the world owed to her and that to be showered with praise was her ultimate satisfaction. “Please, continue.”

“Well.” Jacob went on, taking a step back and looking at the little pony,“its a pretty nice little package… expressive, cute even… must be great with children...” 

Trixie could not stifle a squee this time, “wouldn’t you say that she is beautiful?” Trixie said, batting her eyes in what would be a cartoonish manner. Jacob chuckled, this operator had a great sense of humor and incredible timing, he yelled over toward the backstage “sure, very beautiful to look at, if that’s your thing.” Trixie’s tail twitched at the compliment.

Jacob noticed the movement immediately. “The tail moves too? What’s the material made out of?”

The next few moments took only an instant, but Jacob would remember it in a moment by moment, play-by-play timeline. His hand reached forward and grabbed the blue and silver-white tail. He instantly felt the silky nature. It was very convincing… very unlike the polyester or nylon feel he had been expecting. This felt more like real hair, shampooed and conditioned and everything! He couldn’t resist the urge to run his hand through the strands. He had grabbed close to the base of the tail and by running his hand through the strands, it brought the tail toward him and away from its natural position. As it moved, he saw the backside of the pony. 

Huh, that’s strange, they made an anatomically correct robot? That seems like it would be a bad idea for a kids’ magic show. They really put a lot of detail into ‘em too… and it’s very definitely a girl robot… wow is that bump there what I think it i- 

Before he could process any more of the view, a blur from below zipped into his line of sight. It smashed right into his face. There was a sickening and wet crunching sound and a bright red flash of pain and nausea. A sensation of weightlessness. The taste of copper. A scream (his own?) and then… nothing.
> Chapter 1 - Assault & Battery
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lex Divisia - Chapter 1

It was nearing lunch time in Equestria, and it was another lovely day. The birds were singing, the bees were buzzing, and the grass was grassing. Well, maybe the grass was sitting there, but things were most assuredly proceeding according to the universe’s clockwork design. This included one inconsequential, regular-order, currently underway session of the Cutie Mark Crusader society...

Scootaloo’s wings buzzed daintily as she paused briefly for effect before reaching her climactic conclusion she’d been building up to during her monologue.

“...and that proves Twilight Sparkle not only has the ability to exchange the minds and bodies of anypony around her… but that she’s also covered it up by changing the memories of everypony in Equestria!” She emphasized the final statement by slamming her little hoof down on the podium, causing an echoing ‘clop’ to resonate through the CMC clubhouse.

“Ehhh... eye dunno Scootaloo, seems like yew made a few logical leaps there.” Applebloom drawled, her head resting lazily on her hooves. 

The adorable white filly sitting to her left then piped up: “yeah, it was almost as farfetched as Applebloom’s saying that there’s a whole department of monster-hunters based out of Canterlot with secret agents stationed in every town in Equestria.” Sweetie Belle giggled as she rolled her eyes. 

“Well Sweetie Belle at least eye din’t accuse Princess Celestia of purposefully orchestratin’ major element ah harmony conflicts each election season so that royalist politicians stay in power! That’s downright treasonous!” Appleboom said, shaking a hoof at Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo jumped from the podium to separate them before things escalated further. “Girls! Stop!” she exclaimed before hanging her head with a sigh. “I guess cutie mark crusader conspiracy theorists is a bust… just like all our other attempts this week.”

The other two fillies sighed as well, their conflicts forgotten as they contemplated yet another failed experiment to discover what their special talents were.

“Well, it was fun coming up with those theories at least, can you imagine if we really did have our memories muddled up? It was the only way I could make mine possible.” Scootaloo chuckled.

“And I don’t really think Celestia would ev-” Sweetie was cut off by a distant faint cry.

“helllllllp….”  The sound seemed to be carried on a breath of wind, so faint that it was almost illusory.

”Did yew hear that too?” Applebloom interrupted, cocking her head like a puppy toward the open window.

“Meh, it was probably just the wind.” Scootaloo asserted after a moment, closing her eyes in a satisfied self-assurance.

“Does the wind also shoot off flares?” Asked Sweetie, tapping Scootaloo on the shoulder and twisting her toward the horizon, where a distant streak of red light travelled up from the treeline, bursting into a small smattering of sparkles.

“C’mon girls! Let’s see what the hubbub’s about!” The Applebloom exclaimed as she darted out the treehouse door, her two crusaderin’ compatriots in tow.

======================================

Trixie took a deep breath before again yelling as loudly as she could.

“HELLLLLLLLLLLP!” 

She shifted the heavy load on her back, grunting from the effort as she continued to try to manage the unwieldy load preventing her from making her way down the trail at more than a walk. You really wouldn’t think carrying a body would be so difficult until you actually tried to do so, Trixie thought, glancing rearwards at the human draped across her back. He was secured awkwardly to her using her cape used as a sort of strap to keep him from slipping off.

Her day had been going so predictably before he’d shown up. She’d planned to give a quick show on the outskirts of town to avoid the usual trouble from Ponyville… then simply pack up, head out and be halfway to Vanhoover by the time the sun set. Instead, her day consisted of haphazard first aid, bloody tourniquets and using torn strips from her stage curtains to keep this human’s face from falling apart.

She really hadn’t meant to inflict so much damage: she hadn’t meant to kick him at all actually. Grabbing a mare’s tail was inviting a reflex response, especially if said tail grab was unbidden. 

She’d known the moment her hoof made contact that she’d done some serious damage. She’d had her share of close calls and rough escapes from shows that had gone bad, as well as tough times when she’d had to take up part-time bucking on farms to help with the bills, so she knew what solid contact on her hooves felt like… and those contacts had never caved in quite like she’d felt the man’s face had.

Standing over him as he lay unconscious, rich, bright red arterial blood spurting like a nightmarish garden hose, it had taken every ounce of her mental fortitude to resist screaming like a foal and heading for the hills. It was funny how at that moment the memory of the strange monkey-minotaur introducing himself as Jacob Eyethingk had popped into her mind. That brief thought was enough to remind her that the injured mess in front of her was a sentient being that needed her help, badly. 

Using her magic to pinch his arteries for a moment to staunch the bleeding, she’d seen that the left side of his face was in bad shape. A nasty torn gash traveled from his eye to his ear, and there was definite damage to his orbital bone structure. It had been a panicked 4 or 5 minutes as she struggled to tightly bind his head with hastily torn fabric and levitate him onto her back (for all her boasting, Trixie had never been a ‘power lifter’ in the levitation department). She’d then begun to make her way toward the nearest hospital she knew of. That hospital was located, much to her dismay, in Ponyville… a place where the name Trixie Lulamoon was decidedly unpopular.

She’d tried to call for help every few minutes (whenever she could spare the air from the wheezing difficulty of carrying Jacob). Each time she shouted, she worried about just who might come running. Would it be the hayseed farmer she’d tied up with her own lasso? The pink baker she’d magically removed the ability to speak from? Or worst of all, Twilight Sparkle, who she’d humiliatingly challenged and then been crushed by? Trixie still remembered how the tears had flowed down her cheeks, as she ran from town after doing her best to apologize to the talented purple unicorn. She’d been humiliated. Even more so, she’d been ashamed of her behavior.

Shaking those thoughts from her head, she remembered the desperate need of Jacob, and had begun firing off magical flares. She was only a mile out of town now, the dirt road had transitioned to cobblestone… surely she’d get some help soon… and if she was lucky she would be able to slink away before she was recognized.

Just as that hopeful possibility was passing through her head, three fillies came tearing around the nearest bend in the road, skidding to a stop just in front of her as they barely avoided piling into one another.

“T-Trixie!?” The little Orange one stammered, hopping off her scooter. She looked familiar, but Trixie could not remember her name, nor that of her two companions. Then it clicked, she remembered one afternoon when Snips and Snails had been arguing with these three and the name popped back into her memory.

“Scooter Lou! Trixie requires your assistance.” She huffed, hurriedly. 

“You KNOW my name Trixie… it’s SCOO TA LOO… sheesh” Scootaloo said, already exasperated.

“No time for that now, Scoop Achoo, I need you to head back into town.... go get help right away. You two, assist Trixie immediately in carrying this Minotaur to th-” 

Sweetie Belle cut her off, shouting at her “Trixie, that’s no minotaur, that’s a human!” She gasped as she saw the bloody bandage covering his head. “And he’s hurt! What have you done to Lero!?” Applebloom rushed around the blue unicorn as she motioned Scootaloo toward Ponyville off in the distance: 

“Head into town Scoots, get Twilight and Rarity and tell ‘em to meet us at Ponyville General Hospital!” 

Scootaloo had already kickflipped her scooter into a 180 and had her little wings buzzing as fast as they would go. “Right! I’m off!” she shouted over her shoulder as she tore down the road, kicking up a trail of dust behind her.

“W-wait, get anyone but Twilight!!!” Trixie called futilely after the rapidly disappearing cloud of dust. She felt the yellow filly’s flank press up against her right side, propping Jacob’s legs up and relieving her tired back of some of the weight that pressed heavily on her joints.

“C’mon Trixie, Lero needs tah see the doc’ right quick! The hospital’s only ah few minutes down the road. Sweetie, you help with the other side!” 

Trixie felt Jacob’s left arm and shoulder shift onto the little unicorn filly’s head as she proudly belted out: “Right! Cutie mark crusader human paramedics!”

The next few minutes were a blur, as she spent her time apprising the tough little earth pony filly of the morning’s events, while trying to keep her footing.

========================

If Scootaloo had timed herself from the Apple orchard to Golden Oaks library, she’d have found she shattered all of her personal speed records. 

As it was, speed was the furthest thing from her mind. All she could think of was Lero and what rough shape he’d looked to be in. She thought about how upset her personal heroine Rarity would be that such a terrible accident had happened to him, and she stifled back tears of panic and sadness as she thought about what life in Ponyville would be like without the human.


Golden Oaks library was fast approaching, and she managed to coordinate her scooter dismount better than any professional BMXer such that she catapulted off the skidding stop, using the momentum to tumble through the library door, bursting into the foyer with a resounding crash.

“H-help! Lero’s hurt bad!” She shouted.


A stunned Rarity and Spike looked up from the book they were flipping through together on the couch, both staring wide eyed at the shocking appearance of the exhausted pegasus filly gasping in front of them.

“Why, Scootaloo, you poor dear! Whatever is the matter?” Rarity asked,rising from her seat and making her way toward her.

“Rarity… *huff* it’s Lero… *huff* he needs your help… *huff* and Twilight’s too!” gasped Scootaloo, her heart pounding in her chest as the exertion of racing at top speed caught up with her.

“You poor thing, whatever are you talking about? My stallion and Twilight are perfectly fine… well… relatively fine in any case.” Rarity explained as she daintily ushered the confused pegasus out the back door of the tree-house and into the back yard. 

“See there darling? He’s merely engaging in some calisthenics with my dear, sweet songbird Lyra. Not a thing to worry about.” 

Rarity motioned toward the red-headed man in the midst of throwing a punch at a mint-green unicorn, balancing delicately on her hind two legs. Lyra had her eyes shut peacefully, and as Lero’s vicious hook grazed her chin she seemed to roll, to flow, away from the blow. At the same time, she stepped into the hurtling mass of Lero’s charge, dropping her sturdy hip into his knees and letting Lero’s own momentum carry him up and over her, into a graceful airborne arc… which ended with him in a solid heap on the grass while she gracefully twirled away from him.

“Errr… like I said, relatively, nothing to worry about.” Rarity said, a hint of frustration entering her voice. 

“Ahem… Songbird, DEAR,” Rarity called out, “pray tell, WHY are you pummeling our sweet prince without the cloud padding I had prepared for your session?” Rarity’s tone became sterner as she heard Lero’s groans from the dirt he’d been slammed into.

“If you don’t train to take a blow… every blow hits like a train... “ Lyra intoned, finishing her twirl and finally opening her eyes. “Besides, Lero insisted on receiving at least a few scrapes per sparring session.” her grin revealed the joy she took in tweaking Rarity about Lero’s safety when training with her. Really though, she was asking for it, insisting that a grand-master use pillowy cloud padding as if she couldn’t perfectly control the amount of impact Lero would receive.


“Wuh-what?” Scootaloo scratched at her head. “Lero!? How did you get back here before me?” 

Lero picked himself up off the ground with a grumble about sneaky unicorn dodges as he brushed himself off and looked down at the concerned filly. “What do you mean Scootaloo? You look like you’ve seen a ghost…”

“I don’t get it, I just left you bleeding and hurt with Trixie and the girls....” Tears filled Scootaloo’s eyes, even as she tried to conceal how upset she was. “I thought *hic*... I thought *sniff*...”

“There there, you’re just a bit out of sorts young lady” Rarity said, stroking Scootaloo’s mane to calm her. “Tell us what has happened.” 

Drawing a steadying breath and clearing her throat to steady herself, Scootaloo did just that…

“...and then Applebloom said I should race over here to get help since Lero was hurt and I did but Lero was here all along and wasn’t hurt and then you told me to tell the story and so I did but I do-” Scootaloo rattled off a moment later before she was hushed and comforted by Rarity..

“Interesting, two Leros, could it be a doppelganger? Perhaps a changeling or an illusion of Trixie’s?” Lyra surmised, looking over at Rarity.

“Perhaps, but I wonder if it wasn’t some sort of ice golem - I imagine I could make a fairly convincing statue of Lero, and with the right joints and spells I daresay I could even make him move like it wa-”

“Or-” Lero cut off Rarity, shaking his head with an incredulous and somewhat disappointed at his two herdmates, “its another human…”

There was a half beat of silence as the ridiculously obvious explanation dawned upon the three ponies.

“Huh… guess it never occurred to me that there could be more than one human in Equestria… it’s kind of easy to forget you’re not the only human in existence.” Lyra sheepishly grinned as she rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment.

Lero frowned as he looked out toward the outskirts of town, “don’t get me wrong girls, I think another human is an even bigger deal than changelings or golems… let’s get Twilight and Dash and get to the hospital, stat.”

“Stat?” Scootaloo asked glancing up at Lero.

“It’s ancient Equestrian, a shortened from of statim, meaning quickly or immediately. Funnily enough, its modern usage is primarily confined to the medical community, so I assume Lero was making a double entendre…” Twilight Sparkle, who had just walked into the conversation from the direction of Dash’s cloud-house, slowly trailed off as her herdmates stared at her… 

“What? What’d I miss?”

=======================================

Sweetie Belle was running on pure adrenaline.

She’d always thought of herself as being ready to handle the tough situations in life. Knowing that Applebloom had been able to step up and support her sister Pinkie Pie in some of the most desperate and trying conditions had only reinforced the belief that she could rise to the occassion as well. With the blood dripping from the man’s soaked bandage onto her white coat, she was beginning to have second thoughts.

They were still a good ten minutes away from the hospital, and Applebloom’s bickering with Trixie was definitely not helping distract her from the frightening task ahead of her. 

It had only taken a few minutes of explanation from Trixie for Applebloom to deduce that the man they were carrying along was not Lero Michaelaedes, but some other human named Jacob Eyethingk. Though it was somewhat of a relief that it was not her friend who was so badly smashed up, she still felt more than a modicum of concern for the poor man… and that was even before he started moaning.

“Urgggg… *cough* h-help m-me” Jacob gurgled, blood dripping from his mouth as he began to stir. 
Sweetie heard his soft, pained whisper and shouted to the other two mares about this latest development “uh, girls? I hate to interrupt but I think he’s waking up.”

Trixie paused the back and forth with Applebloom and snapped back at Sweetie “And how would  you know that?”

That was when Jacob let out a blood-curdling scream of agony.

“That’s how!” Sweetie squeaked as she felt her heart rate jump in terror.

“Help him! You’ve got to quiet him down.” Trixie shouted over the commotion, her pace quickening down the cobblestone road.

“H-how? What can I do?” The frightened foal asked desperately. 

“Dull his pain with a healing spell. Or knock him out with a sleep spell. Quickly!” Trixie shouted back, needing to raise her voice over the increasing volume of Jacob’s agony.

“I-I don’t know how! I don’t know how to cast spells like that yet!” Sweetie’s panic was peaking, the adrenaline throbbing in her ears - she wasn’t expecting this! The heroines in the stories she loved to read were always suave and collected, unflappable in the face of danger.

“Don’t they teach that spell in school anymore? They did in Trixie’s day! Trixie was the first in her class to master healing magic, you know. Ugh!” Trixie through her head back in frustration as she continued to move down the path.

“Yew gotta try Sweetie! Jes’ do yer best!” Applebloom encouraged.

Taking a deep breath, Sweetie concentrated all of her mental energy on the pleading human’s wounds. She had no idea how to perform the thaumatological calculations necessary to perform advanced healing magic, so she opted to visualize soothing and cooling effects and memories while projecting that aura over Jacob’s head and face. She closed her eyes as she imagined soothing snow falling on a fire... a cool babbling brook flowing over parched earth… a soothing balm being spread over a nasty scratch… oh how she hoped this was working!

The groans were a bit less loud, but still just as agonizing to hear. Still, it was undeniably an improvement over the earlier agonies.

Sweetie Belle kept up her improvised emotional aura projection for the remaining journey to the hospital. 

She was surprised by how dizzy she was beginning to feel as they finally entered the emergency ward’s entrance. 

Sweetie swooned into the chair nearest to the door as Trixie and Applebloom carried the moaning human toward a stunned admittance nurse. The excited shouting and scrambling motion of the hospital staff as they levitated and crowded about the human seemed to get more and more distant, like it was at the end of a long, dark hallway. 

Suddenly she could see Applebloom’s concerned face filling up the end of that darkening tunnel, her big eyes focused directly on her, her hooves shaking her slumped shoulders, her lips moving without sound… so tired… just a moment’s rest… 

===============================

Lero buried his face in the hem of his jacket. He wondered if all ponies were able to tolerate the whipping bite of the high speed air stream, or if it was a trait unique to pegasi. It didn’t seem like Twilight or Lyra were at all bothered by the wind blast and aside from sporting a rather dashing set of goggles, Rarity seemed to suffer no ill effect as she confidently piloted the nimble cloud through the skies over Ponyville. 

Shrugging, Lero was happy that at least he could protect his frostbitten ears with his hands, not needing to grip the cloud (he’d had unpleasant aerial experiences previously) since Rarity’s cloud had three fluffy safety belts to fasten him, Lyra and Twilight securely to the rocketing nimbus platform.

Dash was easily keeping pace alongside. It still warmed Lero’s heart to see the once bold daredevil work her powerful wings with effortless exertion in the air. It was one of the seemingly random things that the Swap had been unable to affect, and even now a happy grin was affixed to the multicolored mare’s muzzle.

A hoof tapped his shoulder, interrupting his silent reverie, “Lero, should we wait for-” 
“WHAT!?” Lero shouted back, motioning at his ears, the universal human symbol for: I can’t hear you. 

Unfortunately, ponies use a combination of head tilt and ear twitch to convey the same kinesthetic message. However, Twilight was a fantastic student of Lero’s body language and quickly cast a simple forcefield bubble spell which had the added effect of stifling the chilling and noisy turbulence.


“Oh my,” Rarity noticed immediately, “I’m so dreadfully sorry Sparkle-kitten, in my haste I’d completely forgotten the creature comforts of high speed cloud-transport. Just hold on a moment... we’ll be arriving at Ponyville General presently!”

Twilight nodded to her with a smile and repeated her question to Lero. “I said: should we wait at the hospital for Celestia to arrive? I don’t have any notes on how to properly handle ‘second’-contact with humans…” A strand of hair popped out of her already frazzled bangs dangerously before she went on, “I didn’t even have a chance to review Professor Ripley’s Alien Encounters; or How I learned to Love the Flamethrower Spell, which is considered by most to be the seminal work in a lon-”

“Twilight.” Lero chastised, stroking her withers with a firm grip. “Setting aside the fact that there are no better experts in all of Equestrian history than our herd to welcome a human to Equestria… as  well as the highly suspect title of that book... there’s no telling when Celestia will get around to reading your message to her. You’ve told spike to send and re-send the scroll every half-hour until she replies, but if she’s in council or indisposed we could end up waiting for hours.”

Twilight began unbuckling herself as the cloud slowed and descended the last few feet toward the admitting entrance of the hospital. She lept to the ground as soon as the cloud came to a halt. 

Rarity and Lyra hopped off behind her, as Rarity looked over the cloud one more time. “Now, don’t forget where I’ve parked the cloud my dears!” She sang as they all trotted the final few yards toward the doors.

“I hadn’t thought about it Lero… but what if this human is violent, or…” Twilight took a dramatic gulp before pressing on “what if it came from... that other world.” 

Lero’s solemn face betrayed the worry that he held about the same subject, “it’s definitely possible… heck, it’s probably the most likely scenario… its how I got here, as well as how Gus got here..." Lero said, noting how all his herdmates (even Rarity) cast their eyes at their hooves thinking about poor Gus Wainwright, "but all we can hope for is that whoever it is has managed to find their way out of… there… unscathed.” Lero couldn’t suppress an involuntary shiver.

“You up for this big guy?” Rainbow Dash asked, her defences raised at seeing her new stallion so unnerved. 

A grin and a ruffling of her mane was the only response she got as the group entered the hospital into an eerily silent, dark and empty lobby.

==================

Lyra strode forward, her horn glowing dimly as she smoothly adopted her stance into a ready posture, the most basic stance of the still way, and yet one of the most difficult to master.

Something was definitely off. 

“FREEZE!” Came two stern voices from either side of her. 

Quickly scanning left and right, Lyra instantly saw the golden, glinting armor of the royal guard. She let her readiness relax back into a slightly less alert state, knowing that any threat would not likely to come from these two guard pegasi... one of whom she even recognized as being a member of Celestia’s personal escort. The larger of the two armored pegasi pressed forward with his lance held at the half-guard, ready to block or eviscerate as required. 

“This hospital is under quarantine by order of the princess, Captain Lyra, therefore you are hereby ordered to vacate immediately, if you have urg-” 

“Enough, Brazen Buckler, they may enter! We will have need of their assistance.” 

Lyra recognized the regal echo and the imperial ‘we’ of the lunar diarch, and only then noticed her regal form emerge from the shadows of the dimmed corners of the receiving lobby. She dropped into the customary hoofed salute the reserve guard utilized for royalty, while her herdmates behind her dipped into curtsies (and one rather awkward human bow) used by civilians. 

“Please, my friends, we may dispense with formalities. It is good to see you all well and… “ she glanced over at Rainbow Dash, noticing her proximity to Lero and the human’s hand still resting on her shoulders “...happy.”

“Your highness!” Twilight pushed past Lyra with a nervous stride. “Did you get our message? How long have you been here? Where is Princess Celestia? Is everypony OK?” The questions rattled out of Twilight like bits out of a winning slot machine, thought Lyra, sharing a knowing smirk with Lero. She considered a future lecture on the importance of preserving a calm mind even in the most trying situation as Princess Luna began answering Twilight, though at a somewhat more measured and thoughtful pace.

“Calm thyself, Lady Sparkle, my sister attendeth to the human, along with the medicos and their staff. We received thy missive naught but a few minutes ago. With the utmost urgent haste, my sister and I did teleport to this hospice, only to find such a disorganized squabble of physicians and apothecaries scrambling to diagnose the human that even Discord would be content.”

She paused and beamed, “but never fear... my sister has more than a pittance of experience in the art of triage and organization of a house of healing. In but a few moments the human was taken to the surgical theater and poor Sweetie Belle was brought to a bed to recover.” 


Noticing the sudden confusion on the faces of everyone at the mention of the cream colored filly she went on.

“Not to worry friends, she was but a tad overwhelmed and is simply resting. Nay, ‘tis the human who was wounded and for whom I fear the worst... though the doctors here have fortunately received quite the education on the human anatomy.” She said this with a glance at Lero while shaking her head. “Tell me, Sir Lero, why do all humans cast themselves so frequently into peril, though they be such fragile creatures?”

“Hey! Lero’s not fragile, he’s tough!” said Rainbow, bristling. 

Lyra couldn’t help but chuckle inwardly, Dash may have been transformed into a somewhat meeker persona by the swap, but her ability to accidentally take offense at nothing (especially when it had to do with Lero) seemed to be untouched.

“That he is, Lady Dash... and yet him and his kind may suffer all the more for their stalwartness…. but knowing my sister all that can be done, shall be done. The rest is in the hands of Harmony.” She said, bowing her head slightly at the invocation of that powerful force.

Lyra piped up, “what’s with this quarantine, Princess Luna? We know Lero’s not infectious or dangerous. Is this just a precaution or…” she let the question hang in the air hoping the princess would answer.

Luna sighed, seeing that she would not be able to dodge the inquiry. “We have developed a… protocol… to such matters, Grandmaster Heartstrings.” She hoofed the ground awkwardly before continuing. 

“We have had the occasion over the ages to preside over the introduction of new races to our little ponies more than once. Though there may be no danger from the first two humans we have met, ‘tis not yet full proof that all humans are harmless. Nay, ‘tis even more pressing that the information of our new arrival be controlled than any concern about the danger the human itself poses. Our experience is that our little ponies tend to react to such things with panic. Therefore, a doubling of our Equestria’s human population must be revealed gradually, and with great tact... We were lucky that the departed Sir Wainwright spent as much time as he did in the laboratory; very few were aware of his presence outside of the Elements and select royalty.” 

Luna nodded at her own statement before Rarity scoffed, “Forgive me princess, but that seems a bit patronizing. Surely we’ve had our… less than exemplary moments… but Ponyvillians and Equestrians treat all species with the utmost respect, don’t we my prince?” 

Rarity looked up to Lero for support, but he could tell that she was doubting her own words, she certainly did not miss Lero glancing quickly at the scars he bore on his arms from his ordeal with the Sicklefins, which was itself a product of one particularly stubborn pony’s intolerance.

“Well, I can’t pretend that you haven’t had some bad apples,” Lero vacillated. “But overall I am not complaining… its not like its exclusively a pony thing either. I think that the fear of the unknown is a common survival instinct common to all sentient… heck just all creatures generally!”

Twilight piped in, “you do have to admit, Rarity, we all reacted rather poorly when when Zecora first arrived in Ponyville… to be fair, we do get it right eventually though.”

“And that, my friends, is why the crown will be only manage this new human’s introduction to Equestria at first. Fear not! This is not the first time that we have managed such a task, and my sister is particularly skilled in overseeing such a graduated meeting. We did not provide this service for Sir Lero, due to the circumstances of his arrival, but we have a unique opportunity with Jacob to do just that.”

“Jacob?” Asked Lero.

“Yes, our brief interview with that boisterous show-mare revealed his name.” The lunar princess explained.

“What a weird name: Jay-cub… is this guy into birds and bears or something?” Dash brashly complained, her brow furrowed as she sounded out the words like she had marbles in her mouth.

“It's actually a pretty common name Dash... human names are structured a bit differently and are often based on historical figures rather than purposes, actions, or places I’ve told y-” Lero paused, remembering that the swap had likely removed or deprioritized such memories for Dash “-your friends Twilight and Lyra about this.” 

Lyra gave Lero a smirk and a wink while extending a hoof toward him. If she had digits, Lero was sure that Lyra would be giving him the thumbs up for such an adroit save.

“And me my darling.” Rarity huffed, “though why you choose to truncate so beautiful a title as Bellerophon is simply beyond me.”

“Bellerophon huh…” Dash hummed, “it’s nice…. but I think I prefer Lero. It’s tough and strong, like you.” She blushed at revealing a bit too much of her feelings, and wasn’t helped by the arched eyebrow she received from Luna.

“In any case… you must all swear to keep his presence a secret, like all the others who have seen Jacob have sworn.” Herd Bellerophon all held the Princess’s steely gaze and returned a solemn nod.

“Good! I am also happy to report to Sir Lero that Jacob has not entered this realm via… the path you took…” 

Luna hesitated to mention that hell from which Lero had escaped. “Though the path he did take… well… that in itself contributes to our need to contain information regarding his arrival even more closely.” 

Twilight found Luna staring at her as she spoke of concealing Jacob’s method of entry into Equestria, for what reason, she did not know. When things were a bit more settled, she would remember to ask the Princess about this in more detail.

“For now, we must wait… Jacob is still treading that most dangerous path which teeters betwixt our world and the precipice of eternal slumber. There is no telling yet if he can maintain his balance.” Luna looked sadly at the ground. 

“I have always detested times such as these, waiting and hoping, powerless… yet ‘tis all we can do, save prepare ourselves for what is to come.” She looked to Lero. “Speaking of what is to come, Lero… are you prepared?”

“Prepared? Prepared for what?” Lero asked with a scrunched brow.

“Why, to greet Jacob if... when he recovers and awakes. For there is nopony… nor no man better qualified to introduce a human to Equestria.”

“Or to introduce someone to waking up in Ponyville Hospital” Lero chuckled.

“Yes, you humans seem quite adept at making use of our medical services.” Luna laughed back.

Lero took a deep breath, letting out a sigh as he thought about the difficult task ahead of him.

“I’ll need a lab coat that fits.”


> Chapter 2 - Prosecutorial Discretion
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lex Divisia - Chapter 2: Prosecutorial Discretion

“You have to understand, if I tell you anything they’ll kill my whole family!” The unicorn stallion shouted, exasperated. This particularly distressed unicorn’s name was Red Ledger and he’d been up for over 16 hours being questioned relentlessly by two gruff constabulary detectives and one mean, unflappable crown attorney.

“Why are you protecting the Sicklefin Gang?” The grizzled detective to his left growled into his face, “they don’t care about you; they’ve left you in Ponyville to rot! If you don’t start singing now, you’ll end up in Federal custody!”

“No way! Tartarus!? I’m just an accountant! I only helped moved some funds onshore, nothing I even did was technically illegal!” Red Ledger stammered, visible sweat now pouring down his brow and soaking his wrinkled shirt collar.

The younger of the two detectives pushed his partner back and put a sympathetic smile on his face “listen Red, if I can call you by your first name… we know that you did nothing wrong, you know that, heck even the Sicklefins know that. But how do you think that’ll play for a jury?” He put on a falsetto voice, “oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t know those bits would be used for ill-intent! I thought the Sicklefins were looking to donate to the Hoof and Mouth Disease Foundation…” He slammed his hoof down and resumed his gravelly tone, “we both know that won’t fly buddy…” He stood up and paced around the table, stopping behind Red Ledger’s back and giving him a shoulder rub. “Heck, I bet our Crown Attorney, The Honorable Mr. Amicus Curiae here would rather spend his time going after the real criminals…”

Both stallions looked over at the only other unicorn in the room, seated comfortably in the corner, wearing a perfectly pressed tie and collar. His gaze was implacable and unreadable, staring right through Red Ledger as though he was an inanimate object. A half-beat of dead silence filled the room in which the stillness of the scene was only belied by the wafting fumes of a half-finished cigarette sputtering in the ashtray on the interrogation room table.

“Ahem,” the detective cleared his throat and pressed on awkwardly. “So why dontcha make this easier on all of us and just say into our little recorder here who wired the money over from the Emerald Isles?” 

As he completed his pitch, he adjusted what looked like the horn end of a trumpet (more specifically the bell of a trumpet) with a prominent ON/OFF toggle welded to it. Running from the narrow end of the device was a small rubber tube that ran over to a mirror adorning one of the walls. 

Red Ledger had seen enough cop dramas to know that there was a recording device on the other end of the tube, capturing every word that was being spoken. As he shivered at the thought of how the smallest slip of his tongue would ruin his life, the bright red font of the ON/OFF switch seemed to throb in his vision.

“I-I can’t! I want to help you, but my accounting license prevents me from divulging such confidential client information.” He gulped and pulled at his tie, trying to get more oxygen, before going on. “Plus I’ve seen what happens if you cross the ‘family’... you end up like swiss cheese: shot to pieces while still alive! Then they bring your family in front of you and bleed ‘em slow, so you go out knowing everyone you loved is dead.” He shook his head violently, as if trying to fling the horror out of his mind. 

“No gentlestallions, before I could even think about assisting you I’d need to know you could provide protection for me… and maybe a little incentive.” 

At this last word, a grin crossed his lips as he thought about how lucrative he might be able to turn this situation to his favor. He’s always been an enterprising sort, and who knows how much Celestia’s government might be willing to pay to bring down the Sicklefins.

What he didn't notice as he became lost in his pecuniary reverie, was the twinkle that appeared in the stoic attorney’s eye after his feeble attempt at extortion. It would cost him. Dearly.

“Thank you, officers” Amicus Curiae said, rising suddenly. His voice was an odd mix of the cultured and educated dulcet tones of Canterlot’s prestigious schools, along with the harsh, brusque staccato pace of a foal raised in the slums of Manehattan.  “I'd like a moment alone with Mr. Ledger. Take a brief break, and we’ll pick it up in 10, huh?”

A moment later the door sounded a loud *clunk* as it closed behind the two departing detectives, leaving Red Ledger alone with the stolid attorney.

Amicus Curiae stood up and walked to the mirrored wall, drawing the curtains shut with a faint glow from his horn. Before Red Ledger could ask what he was up to, Amicus reached across the table and switched the recording toggle from *ON* to *OFF*. The toggle made a satisfying *click* as it snapped downward.

“W-what are you doing? You’re not gonna beat me up are you?” The meek accountant mewled, preemptively wincing from the blow he expected to rain down on him from the well-dressed blue-green unicorn with a well coiffed chocolate mane.

“Police brutality? Clearly you must think everyone has the same thug qualities as the usual characters you associate with...” he said tapping the recording horn as if to ensure that the device was off. “No, I just wanted to have a chance to speak with you in private... For what I have to say, overly eager ears could be detrimental to the both of us.”

A frown crossed the accountant’s face. “Just what do you mean?”

Sighing and shaking his head, Amicus addressed the meek stallion “Mr. Ledger have you ever stopped to consider just why your letters to the Sicklefins asking for legal assistance have gone unanswered? Or why Exit Wound was fast tracked to a cushy facility on a bogus insanity plea?” He stopped walking and sat down at the empty chair across from Red Ledger, staring at him across the table.

“What do you mean? I don’t follow you…”

“A family that runs into as much legal trouble as the Sicklefins would benefit from having a brilliant young attorney working as a Crown Prosecutor on the payroll wouldn’t you think?”


The question hung in the air for a moment as Red Ledger eyes went wide… “Y-you mean… you…. you work for the Sicklefins? You’re on the take?”

*Sigh* “What do you think, Mr. Ledger?” Amicus mused with a hearty eye roll at the accountant’s disbelief.

A giant smile crossed the face of Red Ledger as he realised he had a chance to escape this nightmare. “Oh thank Celestia, I knew the Sicklefins wouldn’t leave me dangling. I know too much… I hope you realise I would never have sold out the family… I just wanted to lead those coppers along, obfuscate and delay… you realise that, right?” He vacillated, realising that he had nearly betrayed the Sicklefins right in front of one of their lawyers.

Amicus let a frown of displeasure creep across his muzzle. “I’m not so sure about that, Mr. Ledger. Nor do I appreciate you thanking… that mare.” His word dripped with disgust. “But I’ll tell you what… I won’t tell the Emerald Isles about your little ‘offer’ if you help me out with a little information… we need to know who authorized and funded Exit Wound’s little Ponyville excursion… it seems she didn’t have permission from on high to go on her little adventure and I’ve been tasked with digging out just who helped her to do so.”

Red Ledger gulped loudly, “o-of course! I didn’t realise that she wasn’t authorized, I just laundered the incoming funds and converted them into frangible goods and bits to hire some local muscle. You’ll help me get out of this jam right? I never really signed up for this.” He nervously buried his head in his hooves.

“I’ll make sure you get where you belong, just give me a name and the account… something I can pass along to my superiors.” Amicus pushed a pad and quill across the table. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure I take good care of that paper.”

Red Ledger began to scribble on the pad as he mumbled “Golden Horseshoe Securities, Manehattan Branch. Account 407535403-001. Transactions 15 through 26. The wire came in from Emerald Isles Imports from a Mrs. Pearl Pursestrings.” He scribbled the information down.

“Could you sign and date that?” Amicus pointed at the bottom of the blank page, encouragingly.

“Of course!” Red Ledger did so absent-mindedly, accustomed to doing so with his day-to-day accounting work. As soon as he had, Amicus snatched the paper away and pushed back his chair, standing as he read the note. Once he had, he turned to Red Ledger with a smug grin on his face.

"I knew you were an idiot, but honestly, you've broken new ground in the field of stupidity.   Seriously, I'm in awe.  It's like being in the presence of one of the great masters of the moronic arts."

“W-w-what do you mean?” Red Ledger asked, confused.

“Tell me, Mr. Ledger, what do you think that this switch does?” Amicus said, flipping the switch up and down rapidly. Red Ledger’s eyes began to open wide in fear. Amicus lifted the switch effortlessly away from the recording bell, the spot it had once occupied now revealed to be completely unconnected to the device in any way.

“Or for that matter, don’t you think that this curtain is a bit thin?” Amicus said, holding some of the fabric to the light, the sheerness of the material betraying its nearly transparent nature. Amicus went further, pulling the curtain back to reveal the mirror in its ‘off’, transparent state, the two detectives who had left the room standing on the other side of the window smiling, a recording device behind them, taking down every word being spoken.

“I mean seriously, I know this is your first time being questioned, but even a two-bit pursesnatcher wouldn’t have given me a signed confession willingly.” He said, dangling the paper with Red Ledger’s own handwriting in front of him with his magic.

A horrible feeling of terrible anxiety washed over Red Ledger as he struggled to compute what had just happened. “B-b-but you lied, you said you worked for the Sicklefins… you said you’d help me…”

“I did no such thing, and I’d be happy to provide you and your counsel with a transcript of our interview today to prove the same.” Amicus said, knowing that he had skillfully avoided any lies to the suspect, a procedural no-no in Equestrian law.

“I… I DON’T HAVE A LAWYER… YOU’VE PROBABLY BEEN BLOCKING MY LETTERS REQUESTING ONE FROM THE SICKLEFINS!” Red Ledger began to shout, his frustration boiling over as he realised how badly he’d been played by the slick unicorn.

“Now, Mr. Ledger, I would advise you not to add libel to your growing list of offenses. I personally saw to it that your letters were handed directly to our local mailmare: Ms. Derpy Hooves. If anything happened to them after I left them in her excellent care, that’s between you, her, and the Ponyville Mail Service Complaint Department.” The smirk on his face had grown into a grinch-like evil smile. The detectives behind the glass were laughing aloud.

He was utterly defeated, crying, sobbing. “Y-you win, you got what you wanted. So please just help me and my family.” He sniffled, wiping the tears from his eyes.

“Why would I do that? You have nothing left to offer me. This information is more than enough to investigate all of your accounts held in trust for the Sicklefins, and to tie the family to their disgusting activities in Ponyville.”


Red Ledger eyes now went wide in terror. “Y-you can’t! They’ll kill my mares and foals! I’ll die in Tartarus… I can’t do time in that federal hell-hole. I’m just a white-collar criminal. What you did was completely unethical! I’ll tell Celestia what you did!”

At the mention of Celestia, the smile fell from Amicus’s face and he boiled over in rage for the first time in the entire interrogation session. His magic gripped the panicking stallion by the throat, slamming him against the wall and pinning him to his chair. “Tell Celestia? Go right ahead, scumbag. I don’t give a buck what that two-bit whorse thinks, she’s almost as lawless as you and your ilk.” He was almost frothing as he went on, his face pressed right into that of Red Ledger’s. 

“Criminals like you don’t understand just how many ponies you hurt, you never think about the consequences of breaking the social contract. Sure you were just pushing bits around, but at the end of the day ponies died and an innocent human was tortured. You’re scum… but don’t worry about Tartarus... No, I wouldn’t trust you to the Princesses’ Federal jurisdiction… All those bleeding hearts are good for is imprisoning monsters and supervillains, and sometimes not even them!” 

Amicus paused and leaned in close. “No, normal ponies like you, they'd probably pardon you after a few months." No my friend, you’ll stay in the Ponyville system, maybe be a part of a prisoner exchange with Stalliongrad. They eat paper in their gulags just to survive you know? Cooking the books will be helpful there for sure!” By the end of his rant, his glee had returned as he realised his prey was completely defanged.

“P-please sir, don’t! My family is innocent! Mercy!”

Amicus spat on the floor, “don’t worry, I’ll let those Sicklefin bastards know you didn’t squeal, and your prison time will convince them of that. They’ll be protected. I don’t hurt the innocent. Unlike you. I’m done with you, and so is pony society.” He walked coolly to the door and looked back on the snivelling mass that had once been Red Ledger. He sneered imperiously and added a parting shot: “you’re a disease Red Ledger. But the justice system is the cure. Do your time you bastard, and maybe… maybe… you’ll be cured too.” He slammed the door behind him.

The scream of anguish reverberated through the hall as Amicus was joined by the detectives.

“Great work boss… just… just make sure you’re careful when it comes to using your magic on any subjects in custody.” The older detective stammered, rubbing his head meekly.

Amicus glared at the detective and continued down the hall, “noted.” The younger detective  did not immediately leave, as he stammered to get the attorney’s attention. “What is it?” Amicus asked, reviewing Red Ledger’s confession note.

“Well, I didn’t want to bother you, but I got a tip from my buddy who works security at Ponyville Hospital… you won’t believe who’s come back to Ponyville. Word is she hurt                                 someone too.” He passed over a photo from a file he was carrying.

Amicus nonchalantly took the photograph, but a grin peeked through his features as he saw the blue and silver colors of the unicorn mare on the glossy security camera photo paper in his hoof.

“She came back huh? Well I’d love to make sure she never leaves…”

He looked up at the two detectives.

“Let’s get to that hospital boys.”

==================================================

Lero stretched back in his chair, a gentle yawn escaping his lips as he stretched and flexed his toes and fingers, trying to be more comfortable in the hospital room chair. He’d been camped out in the small but pleasant room for over 6 hours now. Prior to that he had been sleeping in a bed in a side room at the hospital. The girls had encouraged him to head back to the library to sleep, but he wanted to be sure that he would be present for Jacob’s awakening. 

Lyra was camped out on his lap as well, the odd cartoonish snore escaping her snout as she snuggled into his chest. It was all he could do to resist smothering her with hugs when she was being this involuntarily cute.

It had been nearly 2 whole days since his herd had spilled into the emergency room, only to be lectured by Luna on the importance of keeping this arrival of a new human to Equestria a secret. Lero thought back on the events of the previous day.

========= 

Luna had quickly retired to the waiting room where the remainder of the hospital staff and exposed visitors were holed up. Luckily, aside from the doctor on call and the nursing staff, no one had really seen what all the initial commotion had been about.

Removing themselves to a more secluded, private part of the hospital, the group had endured a stressful wait in silence as Celestia and the surgical team worked on Jacob’s injuries. 

Rarity and Rainbow had used the opportunity to return to Golden Oaks library to update Spike and Scootaloo on the situation, and to assure them that their friends were OK. 

Speaking of which, Lero and Twilight had dropped in to see Sweetie Belle, who was being attended to for severe MFS (magical fatigue syndrome). Twilight was able to reassure Lero that this essentially amounted to a form of mental exhaustion, but it was no surprise to see that Applebloom refused to leave her friend’s side while she recovered in a hospital bed.

The tension had finally broken the previous evening when Celestia and the chief surgeon, Doctor Vital Signs came out of the surgical theatre with smiles on their faces.

“Good news!” Doctor Horse had began, addressing Lero, Twilight and Luna, “it appears that, thanks in no small part to the assistance of the Princess, our friend in the operating theatre will be likely to pull through.” He looked down at his clipboard, his tired and puffy eyes betraying how stressful the surgery had been.

“The patient had significant damage to the right cheekbone and maxillary structure. Unfortunately for him, it seems that humans share a similarly complex nerve and muscular structure that proved difficult to repair, especially with the fragments of his jawbone as dangerously razor sharp as they had been.”

“Still… and I must commend the princess on her exceedingly delicate touch… we've managed to put things to rights. A little bit of perhaps, pre-emptive and less than effective magic may mean that the final healing will be delayed slightly: there is some scarring.”

Princess Celestia straightened her neck to look at Lero…”I am so sorry My Little Human. I would not have wished this introduction to our world on even the hardiest of creatures. He is resting peacefully now.”

A small sob came from the corner as Trixie overheard the diagnosis and outlook. She’d had the opportunity to slip away, to make her way back as quickly as possible to her caravan and escape this town, never to return regardless of the terms of her Royal punishment (mandating that her community service show tour make one stop in Ponyville a season). However, she could not leave without knowing the fate of the human she’d injured. Despite appearances to the contrary, Trixie was not heartless; not callous enough to resist the disregard she would need to feel in order to walk away without knowing if her actions had more dire consequences.

Hearing the Princess apologise for having failed to sufficiently protect this innocent creature from her recklessness, from the damage she caused, broke her heart. She hung her head for a moment before steeling herself while affixing a stern look and saying aloud: “w-well Trixie knew that he would pull through, the precision of her hoof strikes is above reproach.” 

She sniffed and turned to re-enter the side room where she had been waiting, saying “p-please let Trixie know of any other updates… not that Trixie is worried or concerned of course!” Her tattered cloak flapped about her, the blood stains and grime still smeared across its star patterns.

Rainbow Dash was about to rise up to shout at Trixie muttering: “Why you stuck up, conceited, uncaring, b-” When she was stayed by Lero’s hand on her back.

“We all react in their own way Dash” Lero said, pointing toward a spot on the floor where Trixie had been standing, a few pitter-patter spots of wetness left behind that could only be from surreptitious tears shed by the unicorn magician, which had been hidden by her cape.

Dash paused at the revelation.

“What are we all moping about anyway?” Lero said, ruffling Dash’s mane, “the princess did a great job, he’s gonna be just fine.” He let out a nervous breath, “if anyone should be freaking out it should be me… I’ve got to find some way to introduce him to Equestria without making his mind explode.”

Princess Celestia chuckled, “you have always been strong of spirit Lero… and I have no doubt that you will prove an able guide for Jacob when he awakens.”

==============

Hours later, Lero still awaited Jacob’s awakening. He jolted up as the door to Jacob’s room opened, allowing two nurses and one of his herdmates entry to the room. He knew of these two nurses, one from longtime experience (and repeated hospital visits).

Nurse Redheart was the Chief Nurse on the ward, and Dr. Horse’s right hand mare.

The other nurse was a young unicorn mare, with a light green coat and flowing blue locks. She introduced herself as Nurse Mint Glow, and also mentioned that she had only just recently left the nursing school to join the rest of the staff at Ponyville General Hospital.

Seeing as how Mint Glow was the only nurse on staff who had no experience whatsoever with human physiology, she was accompanying Nurse Tenderheart on every available opportunity to receive as much experience as possible, especially considering Lero’s predilection for getting into trouble.

After her curt introduction, they went to Jacob’s bedside. Jacob was separated from Lero’s chair by a thin privacy curtain, but this did nothing to stop Lero from overhearing the lecture Nurse Tenderheart began to give.

So it was that Lero couldn’t help but listen in as they began to go over Jacob’s body parts in what was obviously nurse Redheart giving an anatomy class directly to her subordinate Mint Glow… via a sorely needed sponge bath.

“Now you’ll see here that the roots of his hair are a bit less firmly implanted than those on ponies’, they’ll also tend to have a good deal of sebaceous glands so you really need to make sure that you get down to the scalp.”

“A black mane? I thought all humans had the copper color that Lero has?”

“No, and our only other guest actually had different color entirely as well. He had more of a muddy blonde color. And they don’t call it a mane my dear, just hair.”

“Interesting! I suppose that makes sense as they have so little hair covering their bodies… though they do have a good deal of hair under their arms,” she mentioned as she lifted the arms of Jacob to run the sponge down from Jacob’s hand to his armpit.

“And that’s not the only hairy spots dear, as you’ll see when we reach the interesting bits.” Redheart said with a giggle as she bumped Mint Glow’s rump with her own.


Lero gulped and continued listening to the almost rhythmic sound of the two tittering nurses wringing excess water from their cleaning sponges while working together to identify and name the major muscles and parts… pectorals, lattissimus dorsis, trapezius… 

He successfully stifled the competitive and aggressive masculine side of him that said that he should feel some jealousy as one nurse or the other commented on the size or strength of any particular muscle. Apparently Jacob had been in good shape prior to his little transportation. Mint Glow did mention that he was still a bit more wiry than your average Ponyville stallion however.

“Ok let’s move the covers and gown back.” Redheart mentioned as she peeled back the hospital linens.

“Oh my, how interesting!” Minty Glow beamed. “The sheath isn’t attached to the torso at all!”


“No dear, it hangs down freely when they stand... Do be gentle with the sponge though, they are just as sensitive as any stallion... That’s it, good! Now gently grasp here at the base with your magic… well done... and retract the flap of skin like you would with a stallion, but more gently... you should see the glans now and that little thin elastic bit there is the frenulum, you can see why you needed to be gentle!”


Lero blushed as he realised that the only way Nurse Redheart would have such information would be from prior inspections on him or Gus.

“Now make sure you get under the ridge of the mushroom… very good! Just so you know one of the humans we treated actually didn’t have that flap of foreskin for some reason, it seems to vary from person to person.” 

Lero pondered explaining the human rituals and cultures around circumcision to the nurses, but then he knew he would be exposed for eavesdropping, and he couldn’t come up with any way to bring that up in idle conversation.

His thinking was interrupted by Mint Glow speaking in an embarassed unsure way: “Uh, Nurse Redheart... is that… normal?”

“Perfectly dear, sometimes as you manipulate things, you’ll get an involuntary erection.”

“Ah, I just wasn’t sure if it was the same mechanism.” Mint Glow responded.

“Just like a stallion dear… speaking of which” Lero heard Redheart giggling.

“Professionalism Nurse Redheart!” Mint chided facetiously.

“Oh, hush… you sound like Ms. Harshwinny, that old nag…. my is that… three testicles!?” 

At this Lero couldn’t help himself and murmured “What!? Really?” The edge of the curtain pulled back and a grinning Redheart looked back at Lero smugly: “Kidding! Though its not polite to eavesdrop Mr. Lero.” 

Lero blushed as he saw Mint also chortling behind a hoof. Seeing that he was being played with, Lero decided to extricate himself.

“I think I’ll give you ladies and Jacob some privacy… c’mon Lyra let’s find a bed somewhere and stretch out properly.” 

Lyra groggily yawned and hopped to the floor as Lero extricated himself from the chair he’d been riding for hours now.

The nurses continued their soft giggling right up until Lero shut the door with a sigh.

===================================================

The quick reaction force (QRF) of the personal protection detail of the Royal Guard was cream of the Equestrian military force. Its members could be entrusted to rapidly deploy anwyehere across the country to protect and provide for the Princesses with limited notice and support… They were not hospital security.

Brazen Buckler was just about to open his mouth to tell his partner that maintaining the quarantine on this wing of the hospital was beneath the capability of two highly trained members of the Royal Guard such as himself and Tempered Edge. He’d been holding back this opinion for the past couple of hours, as he tended to be something of a jinx when speaking up about such things.

“This is such a babysitting assignment, I can’t even be-” before he could even start griping properly, the ward’s doors at the far end of the hall burst open, and what appeared to be a very serious looking unicorn strode toward them, flanked by a pair of local town constables.

“HALT Citizens” Tempered Steel thundered, stepping in front of the newly arrived group, wings spread wide in preparation to move suddenly and quickly, his knees braced as he half prepared to draw the deadly edge which hung at his side. His very voice shook dust from the light fixtures and windowsills.

The constables faltered and slowed to a halt. 

The rumours of how quickly Royal Guard pegasi could move, how their blades were so light and fast that you would only see a flickering flash, and then feel a strange sensation of warmth as a limb or wing slid from your body to the ground in a fountain of blood, had spread even to Ponyville.

The determined unicorn, however, did not slow at all as brazen buckler repeated his partner’s command and drew his blade with a menacing ring which signalled impending death.

“Holster those weapons!” The unicorn sternly growled. “Guardsponies, you are in direct violation of two laws by your illegal interdiction of an officer of the Equestrian court!”

Brazen Buckler was stunned for a moment, but did not let his guard lower one bit, as he prepared to subdue the madman still advancing on him.

“One: pursuant to section 11-3 of the Equestrian Criminal Code: except in a publicly declared state of emergency Royal Guards may not restrict access to public health facilities not on federal lands or within the city limits of Canterlot.” Tempered Edge draw his blade as well, closing in on Brazen’s left flank to provide him with a defensive option in case this assailant tried to tumble into his blind spot.

“And two: from the Unification Act, our founding legal document, an officer of the Equestrian courts of law, in good standing, may not be inhibited by the military in times of peace from executing his duties.” 

The unicorn was fully upon the two guardsponies now, his face pressing into theirs, daring them to act. “And seeing as how I am the Crown Attorney for Ponyville, in pursuit of a dangerous felon who has violated their probation…” his voice dropped in volume and tone, but maintained its fierce intensity “move”.

Brazen and Tempered stood still, like the blade of a guillotine poised above its victim, although your average security force might kowtow to such impassioned and articulate demands, they were the personal guard of the princesses. They would risk dishonor and death before allowing any threat near their Majesties.

The tension was incredibly thick. A moment of time passed at first, before the constables regained their focus and slowly began to advance on the blockade. Time was running out for the guardsponies, very shortly they would be outnumbered and likely forced to use violence to defend their charges. Though they knew they would win against such amateurs, the question would be whether they could do so without bloodshed.

Brazen prepared himself. A quick blow to the head of the unicorn before he tries to cast, he thought, then take to the air and get over top of those two constables. Tempered would take care of the rest while he rained blows down on them. If he caught flak for attacking officers of the court he would let Celestia punish him later… he could not afford to play 20 questions in an era of changelings, chaos gods, and assassins… all of whom could disguise themselves as local law enforcement.

His hoof shot out from his side so quickly it seemed to disappear, only to halt inches from the unicorn’s horn at the commanding shout of “HALT!” from behind him.

Celestia walked up to her two guards, a smirk evident in her demeanor.

“Well now Amicus, I’m not so sure about the ‘in good standing’ bit, but otherwise what you’ve said is true.”

Celestia could see Amicus was taken aback at the appearance of the radiant and tall alicorn. Most ponies would be, even if not seeing her for the first time, but Celestia knew the difference between when that look was one of awe or one of disgust. 

She did not need to guess in Amicus’s case, as he nearly spat while muttering: “Celestia.”

Now that things were defused, Celestia couldn’t help but tweak him a little bit in retaliation for the scene he caused. “Come now Amicus, why all the bluster? Wasn’t it Conhoofcious who said ‘it is the smallest cock which crows loudest’?” 

Amicus’s face turned red as he realized Celestia’s implication. “Still dropping the names of your old acquaintances to prove just how senile you truly are Celestia...? Don’t bother, your age was apparent to all before you spoke a word.” One of the guard’s swords twitched in anger before Celestia smiled.

“Charming as always Amicus, but let’s take this little tete a tete to somewhere more co-”

“Princess! He’s waking up, we should be able to speak to him in a few minutes!” a voice called from down the hall. 

Amicus’s eyes narrowed. 

“Thank You! Speak no further!” Celestia shouted immediately, without turning back. She took a deep breath to compose herself and refocus on Amicus.

She then stepped aside, motioning toward a room on her left within the ward, a frown now on her face because of what Amicus had heard. “As I was saying, it would appear we have much to discuss.”

==================
> Chapter 3 - Preliminary Depositions
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lex Divisia Chapter 3 - Preliminary Depositions

================

Lero was hastily buttoning the white lab coat that the hospital had provided to him. He’d quickly learned that it fit quite badly: he’d actually split the back of the jacket trying to fit into it. Lero considered reaching out to Applejack to assist him with some last moment tailoring, but he had not expected there to be sufficient time... nor did he have full confidence in AJ’s new cutie mark holding off from putting all sorts of adornments onto the bleached-white lab coat.

Nonetheless, though bursting at the seams, the coat would assist him in setting the stage for his introduction. He’d had little time to think about this, and while part of him thought that he was perhaps a bit crazy to approach the problem so theatrically, the other considered this bit of show-craft the best that he could come up with given the circumstances.

He shuffled into Jacob’s room, peeking in quickly to see that the curtains had been drawn around his bed so that his vision was completely cordoned off. Before Lero could step back out of the room he heard a quiet “Hello? Is anyone there?” from the bed.

“Just a moment Jacob, I’ll be right with you!” Lero called back before ducking out to the hallway and motioning silently to Twilight to come in with him.

Twilight began to trot over to the room’s entrance before Lero waved her off vigorously. “Hooves!” He whispered through clenched teeth. Twilight’s horn glowed for a moment as her purple aura materialized over her hooves. The hastily cast sounds muffling spell would mute the harsh clopping sound as the pair opened the door and entered Jacob’s room.

Lero directed Twilight with a gesture over to a seat on the right side of Jacob’s bed, careful to arrange the curtains such that Jacob would not be able to see her from his position. It was all essential to his plan to introduce Jacob to pony-kind gradually.

Taking a single calming breath he walked to the foot of the bed and drew the curtains open to come face to face with the young man.

Immediately, Lero noticed his turquoise eye-color and dark hair sharply contrasted against his discolored, yellow skin. His face definitely looked like it had seen better days, the swelling and bruising had come down a bit thanks to the medical treatment and magical healing he’d been receiving, but the damage was still apparent. Featuring most prominently among his wounds was an eye-patch over his damaged ocular cavity.

“Hello Mr. Eyethingk, my name is Bellerophon Michaelides, but you can call me Lero."

Jacob’s eyes scrunched in slight confusion and suspicion. “Who?” Jacob asked.

“Lero Mi-”

“No, not that, what did you call me?”

“Uhh… Mr. Eyethingk?” Lero stammered, looking down at his clipboard. On it was written some key pieces of information from the hospital staff, including elements of the diagnosis and Jacob’s current state of health. Lero chewed on the nub of his pen as he flipped the page looking for more information. “Hmm, now that I look over it, it does seem like that name is a bit off. Thought it might be something foreign. Perhaps just a mix-up with the people who brought you in?”

“Yeah… that’s not my name... I’m Jacob Dufferin. Everyone just calls me Jake though… you sure you have the right room doc?” Jake mused with an arched eyebrow.

Lero nodded his head vigorously. “Dead sure… I mean, yes I’m sure. I don’t think I could confuse you with any of the other patients here..”

Jake stretched his arms above his head, letting out a bit of a sigh. “Pretty miserable actually, my face feels worse than the time I took a puck to the face in high school.”

“How’s your pain level?” Twilight asked from the other side of the curtain, unable to restrain herself. 

Although Lero frowned a bit at the conversation getting slightly out of his control, he knew that Twilight meant well by the question. Truth be told, he probably should be a bit more concerned about the current state of Jake’s health.

“Who’s there?” Jacob said, glancing toward the new voice.

“Oh my name is Tw-”

“Twyla Sarkel, one of our nurses” Lero cut her off quickly. From where Lero was standing, he could see both Twilight and Jake. Both were now wearing bemused expressions at his sudden interjection.

“Oh, well... hi there.” Jake said to the curtain. “The pain is not so bad actually, I just feel all stiff and swollen.” Jake paused a moment before chortling with a small guffaw. Lero grimaced, hoping that Jake’s sense of humor wasn’t so juvenile as to turn every turn of phrase into a sexual reference.

“So, Mister… Dufferin was it? I have to ask, do you know where you are?” Lero pulled a pencil from his lab-coat pocket and prepared to jot down some notes.

“Seems like a hospital doc…” A statement met with eye rolls from all recipients in the room regardless of species. “I figure I must have had an accident or something. I’ve been sitting here for the past 10 minutes or so trying to figure out how I got in this bed… gotta admit I’m not exactly sure.”

“Well Mr. Dufferin-”


“Please, call me Jake”

“Sure thing Jake. We’ll get into that in just a moment, if you wouldn’t mind going through a little background information with me.”

Jake absent-mindedly touched the bandages on the right side of his face, seeming to hesitate for a moment before responding with a sigh.

“Sure, ask away.”

“Right, so can you tell me how old you are?”

“Twenty-seven.”

“Is that moons or years?” Twilight piped up from the other side of the curtain as she scribbled notes furiously. Lero managed to resist face-palming as he knew it would only make things worse. He’d told Twilight plenty of times about the preferred time keeping unit distinctions between their respective worlds, but he suspected the lack of sleep was affecting Twilight’s judgement, as it usually did whenever she stayed up late worrying or studying.

“Uhh…. no. Not moons, years.” Jake said with an arched eyebrow. “What do you mean by m-”

Lero quickly jumped in before Jake could pursue Twilight’s strange request any further: “And your place of residence?”

“Oh, uh… it varies from month to month, but I’m renting a little place now in Edmonton, out in the ‘burbs.” Jake opined, nonchalantly.

“Edmonton? Like, Canada?” Lero asked. “Caneighda?” Twilight asked with confusion evident in her tone... geography had never been more than a passing topic of conversation between Lero and Twilight.

“Yeah, Canada…” Jake said, frustration now beginning to leak out in his tone and demeanor. “Just where the hell am I right now, Doc?”

“We’ll get to that in just a moment Jake, just a few more questions: what do you do for a living?” Lero said, diverting his eyes to his clipboard, hoping to avoid Jake’s questions for just a bit longer.

Jake was drumming his fingers with impatience, fixing Lero with a stony gaze, even though Lero was refusing to meet his eye. 

“OK doc, but you’d better square things away with me once I do. I’m currently flying a fleet of twin-engine Pipers and Cessnas to service the oil fields up north. Primarily working for Shell and Husky, but I’ll do the odd ferry or maintenance trip if the pay is right.”

“Planes? You’re a pilot.” Lero asked.

“Yep, most of the time I manage to avoid crashing too!” Jake flashed a snarky grin.

“OK, last question... “ Lero drew closer and looked directly into Jake’s eyes, “do you remember how you got here? Any strange memories or  experiences that  come to mind? Take your time now.”

“Hmmm, I’ve been drawing a blank on anything from the past few days actually. Last thing that I remember was eating an ice cream cone in the hangar at the airfield.”


“... what comes to mind when I say… the fair folk… or the lady…?”Even Lero could not help but cringe a little as he said these words, knowing that even uttering them gave power to a malevolent force in another world.

Yet there was no telltale reaction or shudder from Jake… and Lero had been closely watching. 

“Uh.... nothing?” Was Jake’s confused reply. 

Either the fair folk had found some new way of disguising their impact on those that they displaced, or Jake had found some other way to hop from Earth to Equestria.

“There is one weird thing I remember though.” Jake said hesitantly, as he stared absently at a point on the ceiling. Lero leaned in closer, and Twilight tilted her head toward the curtain as Jake’s voice conspiratorially lowered. “It’s kind of crazy, sort of a weird dream that I had… about a horse.”

Lero’s tight lipped frown turned into a smirk. “Oh really?” Lero prompted.

“Yes,” Jake replied while rubbing his brow, “a little, blue horse. I was enjoying some kind of show, with fireworks and tricks… next thing I know BAM! Kicked in the face. I’m out cold, hearing voices and bouncing along a dusty trail. Then I’m waking up here.”

Lero nodded, pretending to scribble something on his clipboard. Twilight was doing the same, though Lero suspected she had actually captured every word Jake had said. Lero gestured to Jake saying, “so, what do you think that all could mean?”

“Well Doc, I’m no Sigmund Freud, but I figure I crashed into some blue water and got a mighty wallop to my head, hence the blue horse and fireworks. What does my dream have to do with anything?”

Lero chuckled, “well for starters, you do have injuries consistent with a heavy kick to the head, how can you be sure you were dreami-?”

“Because she was talking.” Jake deadpanned.

Lero gave him a smile. “Ah, how did you know it was a she?”

Jake blushed a bit as he seemed to remember something, “uhhhh…. her…. her hair and... her voice! She was more beautiful than handsome, it was obviously a girl.”

Lero couldn’t help but needle Jake a bit, “so you like horses?”

Jake’s face scrunched in thought. “Well can’t say that I ever tried the meat if that’s what you mea-” 

Jake was cut off by Lero loudly clearing his throat and shaking his head while jerking his chin toward the curtain Twilight was behind. Twilight’s face showed a mixture of distaste and disgust. The rare human habit of consuming horse-meat had been something that Lero had discussed with his close family members during his time in Equestria, but it was understandably no less distasteful to Twilight.

“Oh sorry, are you a horse-person or something? I know some people really don’t like that horses are slaughtered for meat,” Jake addressed the curtain. “I was just joking about eating horse... I used to ride on the weekends, actually. There was this one spirited chestnut mare with lots of energy, I’d ride her hard, until she was exhausted an-” 

Again, he was interrupted by Lero coughing and shaking his head, only this time he also had his face buried in his hands. 

On the other side of the curtain, Twilight’s face had turned a bright shade of red… she knew that how humans would ride ponies and horses in Lero’s world… still... to hear Jake say such a thing aloud brought the most vivid imagery to mind.

Jake went on. “Uh… anyway, I’m fairly certain it was a dream, horses may have genders, but they don’t have language.”

“Well I wouldn’t be too sure of that, you may just not understand them. What exactly did this pony say to you before kicking you Mr. Dufferin?” Twilight asked from the other side of the curtain.

“Pony… huh… that’s actually a pretty good way of looking at it. She… was doing a magic show. Being a bit boisterous. And everything was going fine, right up until I grabbed her tail and saw…er...” Now it was Jake’s turn to blush a bit. “Anyway… then I got kicked right in the face. Next thing I remember is waking up here. What the hell does all this have to do with anything, anyway!?” Jake was getting frustrated with what he could only see as an inane set of questions.

Lero was now wearing a warm smile, as he patted Jake’s arm. It seemed like Jake was at his limit for giving up information without knowing what was going on. Time to take the plunge. 

“Jake, I want you to take a deep breath and relax… you weren’t dreaming…” Lero said as he dramatically pulled the curtain back.

==============================

Amicus was never a fan of Hospitals. The lemon-pine scent always burnt his nostrils and was particularly strong in the small, empty side room that Celestia had directed him into for a private discussion.

“So, your highness, what brings you from your golden throne to deal with us simple folk in Ponyville?” Amicus sniped, as he affected a bored and smug tone.

Celestia took a moment to compose herself. She had dealt with many like Amicus over the countless generations she had been ruler, some more intelligent, some more cunning, but none more stubborn. It was at times like these that she’d sometimes feel a small twinge, a tiny desire to take a page from the Griffons or Dragons, and simply remind this mortal what real power the Princess of the sun wielded.

But a part of her also held an almost motherly respect for this stallion. Though his rage was misplaced, she could respect that he had a fierce dedication to what he thought was right, though that same stalwartness meant she had never been able to convince him of her motivations.

She would not let that respect show now though, choosing instead to sternly address him. “Though you seem to revel in interacting upon proper decorum Amicus, I would caution you against doing so in front of the guard. Doing so places quite a bit faith in their restraint. As for why I am in Ponyville, I am merely visiting the hospital wards with my sister to bring cheer to the sick and afflicted. Why, pray tell, are you here?”

Amicus snorted, “I’m here to serve the people, unlike some others in this room. Specifically, I’m here to arrest Trixie Lulamoon for violation of her criminal sentence, and possibly to tack on a new charge of assault.”

Celestia frowned, “Trixie Lulamoon? The showmare who stirred up trouble a few seasons ago? If I recall correctly I sentenced her to perform a regular seasonal apology show for Ponyville and nothing more.”

Amicus’s deadpan look was betrayed by the intense glare he was giving Celestia at this moment. “I know very well that you stepped in where you didn’t belong and pronounced a lenient sentence on that monster. It was a sick joke to see her get off so light after torturing and imprisoning our entire town for days.”

“Amicus, I will not go over this debate again: she was under the influence of a powerful amulet which bestowed the energy stores equivalent to an alicorn to her. The corrupting influence of such a surge meant she was almost entirely not responsible for her subsequent actions.”

“Then let her make that defense in court! To the same people she hurt, those people had a right to know!” Amicus shouted.

Celestia coolly responded, ignoring Amicus’s raised voice. “The existence of the Alicorn amulets are a closely guarded state secret for obvious reasons. Our responsibility to protect our little ponies from delving into such dangerous arts precluded the opportunity for a public trial.”

“Yes, yes, yes… that tired old tripe again. Just like this recent business with the Sicklefins. State secrets and cover-ups, which result in almost everypony directly involved secreted away to jails and institutions without even the semblance of due process. Even those scum deserved their day in court.”

Celestia was no longer playing around, her gaze was steely as she slammed a hoof down, which let out an echoing thunderclap that shook the room. Her voice, though steady, hinted at a deadly ferocity which only a fool would continue to play with ““For someone sworn to uphold the due process of law, you’re startlingly disrespectful towards it’s Executor, Amicus. Those state secrets and cover-ups, as you so venomously refer to...  are part of the law you swear to uphold, and exist to protect the ponies we both serve.” 

She paused, and let her face and tone soften ever so slightly, “I have truly appreciated your help with the Sicklefin situation, but the danger of revealing the spell that was cast at the end of that standoff would be devastating to all of Equestria… and if you should threaten to-”

“Reveal it?” Amicus balked, cutting off the princess. “No Celestia. At least one of us still obeys the law. I never revealed the Alicorn Amulet and I would never tell anypony of your protege’s perverted mark-swapping spell. But the truth will out Celestia, though the heavens may fall.” He snorted and wheeled back to face the princess. “Already every tabloid supermarket rag between here and Manehattan are talking of it, and I’m hearing rumblings some half-baked wizard quacks are offering mark swapping services in back alleys.” Amicus was now circling around Celestia as he spoke.

“That may be, Amicus. However, the crown will deal with this issue, not you.”

Amicus shrugged and gestured plaintively, “that’s perfectly fine your highness. My intention today has nothing to do with swaps or Sicklefins... only one blue-coated, loud-mouthed, evil-magic using, ugly dictator, who has once again fallen afoul of our justice system.”

“I thought I just made it clear that she hasn’t violated her sentence! The crown will certainly not entertain your crusade against a private citizen.”

Amicus stamped his hoof down furiously. “And her more recent assault? How could that in any way have anything to do with her earlier sentence, except perhaps to prove that she was a dangerous criminal who should have been locked up all along?”

Celestia cringed inwardly,  knowing the amount of consternation that she was about to inflict. All things considered, Celestia had no particular fondness for Trixie Lulamoon. Though it was true that she had been corrupted by the Alicorn amulet, it was also true that Trixie had sought out the amulet on her own accord for petty revenge… not to mention that she had been a known troublemaker for some time with her antagonistic travelling magic show. 

That being said, Trixie had managed to find herself in a rather complicated situation. 

She had assaulted another being (whether it was an accident or not remained to be seen) and this would usually have resulted in Celestia gladly letting the authorities conduct their normal due process. 

However, because the victim was a newly arrived human, and because she and Luna were trying to manage his introduction a bit better than previous arrivals it meant that Celestia would once again be denying Amicus his opportunity to pursue Trixie in the courts of justice. 

On the one hand, she felt bad that Amicus’s relationship with her would continue to deteriorate. On the other hand, he had been a thorn in her side for so long, she would take a small amount of schadenfreude-ish pleasure in denying him.

“I’m afraid, Amicus, that the assault investigation will fall under the privilege of the Crown’s authority as well, due to the nature of the victim… a nature to which you are not permitted to inquire or investigate... Rest assured however, that the matter will be handled by one of the Crown’s best special agents.”

Amicus’s eye twitched, and several strands of hair popped out of place as he took in a deep breath. 

Celestia braced herself: this was going to be loud.

“WHAT THE B-”

===========================

“-UCK IS GOING ON HERE?” Jake screeched, as he scooted away in his hospital bed from the small equine to his left. He probably would have fallen out of his bed except for the fact that he was still restrained by a supportive buckle across his waist.

“IT’S REAL?”

“Ahem… she’s not it’s.” Twilight cheerfully corrected.

“IT’S ALIVE? SHIT, IT CAN TALK!?”

Twilight was about to correct Jake once again, when she saw his eyes. She liked to think that she could read human faces well, but she definitely knew she could recognize his reaction through his eyes. This was not surprise. This was terror.

“Easy! Easy! Just take a breath.” Lero said soothingly, making motions with his hands as though he were able to restrain the palpable emotional shock radiating from Jake.

Twilight looked stunned that she could invoke such a response in a human. 

Lero and Gus had both had opportunities to see other ponies before her, and from what she’d heard, neither had reacted like this.

She tried to stay perfectly still, as if he was one of Fluttershy’s small animals. It didn't work.

As he continued to recoil away from her the bed began to tip dangerously. Instinctively she reached out with a hoof to steady the bed.

“Don’t hurt me!” Jake shouted furiously, cowering away from her.

Twilight drew back, hurt by his reaction, as though she were some kind of… monster. She could see the panic and fear in the human’s eyes, as he fixated on her every move as though she were a deadly rattlesnake.

A heavy silence descended the moment after his shout.

Lero was also stunned by Jake’s reaction. He’d forgotten how an average human might react to things wildly outside of their area of understanding. 

Maybe if Gus hadn’t had his inability to feel emotions he would have reacted similar to Jake: his eyes fixated on the little lavender pony in front of him, his breathing a shade away from hyperventilating, arms raised as though to fend off a blow. 

Lero wondered if he hadn’t been prepped by his experiences in… that other place… before coming to Equestria... might he have been as shocked when meeting a pony as the man in front of him now?

“Jake?” Lero softly asked. 

Jake’s focus slowly removed itself from the living, breathing unicorn, in front of him, as he turned to look at the rusty haired doctor addressing him. 

“You OK buddy? You’re safe here. Just breathe. Take it easy.”  Lero held Jake’s hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

Twilight looked at Lero holding Jake’s hand, and suddenly found tears coming to her eyes. It was the same reach she had just made… with the intention of helping, of connecting… and it had been met with such revulsion! 

Yet Lero’s reassurance had been welcomed with such… humanity. It made her feel like less than a pony, more like some kind of animal. 

She’d never been made to feel this way before in all her life! Was this what Lero felt when he dealt with bigoted ponies? She felt wetness on her cheeks as tears began running down her face. A nascent sob began to escape from her lips.

Not wanting to cry openly in such a tense situation, she choked out “e-e-excuse me...” as she tried to leave.

Lero looked concernedly over at his mare as she escaped from the room. He opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by an unexpected source.

“Miss, wait!” Jake called from his bed, reaching a hand out to get Twilight to stop. “I… I’m… I’m sorry for shouting… I just… I was shocked.”

Twilight turned back, affecting a smile, somewhat relieved that the young man was at least speaking with her now. The shock-wave of realization that she could invoke such fear was still rippling through her, however. She needed a chance to catch her breath and sort out her feelings.

Sniffling, she cleared her eyes with a free hoof. “Please don’t worry… Jake. I’m sure everything is quite overwhelming for you… I-I’ll just take a moment and leave you two to chat.” She began backing out of the open door into the hallway.

“Thanks, Miss. I...I didn’t mean to freak out at you,” Jake said dejectedly.

“Don’t worry about it! I know you didn’t.” Twilight backed out of the room and closed the door with a soft click. Letting out a disappointed sigh as tears began to fill her eyes again. So much for starting things off on the right hoof, she thought... How could she have forgotten just how different she would seem to a human?

Back in the room, Lero let out a long breath, massaging his temples in frustration. “Well. That certainly didn’t go as expected.”

===========================

“Well, that certainly went as expected…” Luna muttered under her breath to her sister as she watched Amicus and his guards retreating down the hospital hallway. 

Luna had heard the window rattling aftermath of Celestia’s revelation to Amicus that he would yet again be barred from pursuing prosecution by Royal Prerogative.

“Just what did you tell that sanctimonious paladin, sister?” Luna asked with a hint of a snicker as she prodded her sister with a hoof.

Celestia was not in a snickering mood, however. “I ended up having to tell him that Trixie did not assault an Equestrian citizen, but a sentient non-pony entity, the details of which I would not reveal due to national security purposes. Needless to say, he did not take it well…”

Luna frowned. “How did he manage to avoid attempting regicide after hearing you snatch yet another criminal from his hoof-grasp? I can’t imagine he would have accepted that from you without more explanation.”

Celestia motioned Luna to follow her along the hospital corridor as she continued to explain how things had gone with Amicus. 

“I also told him that this situation would be resolved by a special operative of the crown due to the non-pony entity involvement… he wasn’t going to accept it until I told him that the operative would be from S.M.I.L.E.”

Luna gasped, “the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria!? I’ve heard of its renown in protecting Equestria during my banishment… but I thought you’d disbanded it years ago after that bugbear escaped from Tartarus?”

Celestia sighed while looking down at her hooves. “I did disband it Luna, but there would have been no other way to convince Amicus that there had been a monster interaction serious enough to merit a royal intervention.”

“So how will you possibly be able to assign a S.M.I.L.E. operative to Ponyville? The agents must be scattered and in hiding by now.”

Celestia grimaced. “Actually, there is one ex-agent in deep cover here in Ponyville. Hopefully she won’t mind me pulling her out of retirement for such a trivial reason. If we’re lucky we can make her presence work to our advantage.” Celestia paused in front of the door to the hospital staff area where Trixie had been detained.

“First, however, I need to speak to Ms. Lulamoon… She may have escaped Amicus’s judgement but if she does not answer as to her conduct… she will not escape mine.”

==========================================

It was a long evening.

Jake was still wearing an expression that looked something like a stunned fish: his mouth was  hanging open and his eyes were somewhat glazed over. 

Lero had spent the first few hours doing his best to explain the world of Equestria to his bewildered compatriot…

~~~~Earlier~~~~

“So… you doing OK now Jake?” Lero asked, as he watched Jake finish the glass of water Lero had brought him.

“Buddy, I don’t think I’ll ever know what OK is ever again.” Jake replied with a groan. “So, what the hell do we do now?”

“Now, we talk.” Lero said, pulling a chair up to Jake’s bedside.

“How about you talk, seeing as you’re the only one who knows anything.”

“Nope, doesn’t work that way Jake, conversations are a two-way street, I wanna know all about how you’re doing. How about I ask one question, you ask one question? We can see where that gets us.” Lero smiled, and gestured with an open hand to Jake, giving him the opening salvo.

“Ohhhh kayyyy, how about… WHERE THE HELL AM I?” Jake growled through his teeth.

“Jake, take it easy, OK? I’m your friend here, and getting all worked up isn’t going to do you any good.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll ease up…. Where are we?” Jake had taken the level of tension in his voice down notably, and seemed to be trying to rest back onto the bed.

“Equestria, specifically the town of Ponyville. Before you ask, I don’t know where Equestria is. All I know is that it isn’t on Earth. In fact, it isn’t even in the same reality as Earth.”

“So how did I g-” Jake began, before being cut off.

“My turn, remember? So I know your age, name and profession. Let’s start simple: do you have any hobbies?” Lero asked.

“No, not really. Hiking I guess. So how did I get here?” Jake replied.

“On that one, I can’t really answer. We’re going to try to figure that out. I didn’t really give you a response so you can ask another question.”

“OK, how do I get out of here?” Jake said with a grimace.

Lero frowned, he’d been expecting this question sooner or later. He didn’t want to evade Jake, but at the same time there was a time and place for everything, he’d be as truthful as he could be. “We’re going to find out how to do that, Jake. For now, you’re here, and you’re safe…” Lero paused as he considered the impact his next question might have; Jake hadn’t exactly had the calmest reactions to circumstances thus far. “Do you have any family back home?”

Jake replied without hesitation, “parents and a sister… but we don’t keep in touch… Why are there talking horses here?”

Lero held up a corrective finger, “ponies, not horses. Calling them horses is like calling you a chimpanzee. They’re here because Equestria is their home. This is where they live. We’re the weird creatures to them. There’s millions of them, and only two of us.” Lero watched those facts dawn on Jake, a stunned look spreading over him. Better snap him out of his shock… “so do you have anyone back home who will be looking for you?”

“Uhh…. I don’t know. Probably my boss, if I went missing on the airfield, maybe they’ll notice I never signed out? Guys sometimes walk away from the oilfields. But I don’t think they just vanish.”

“No friends, girlfriends, wife?” Lero followed up.

“No, no, and no. I tend to keep to myself. Hey, you snuck another one in on me. So, what are these ponies like? Are they friendly?”

Lero smiled, “Jake, you wouldn’t believe just how friendly they are. Not just individually, but as a society. Ponies are a very loving culture.” Lero paused as he ran a hand over some of the more recent scars he’d received at the hands of Exit Wound’s thugs. “There are some bad apples too, but I can honestly say that on the whole they are far friendlier than we are. As long as you aren’t screaming at them in horror, that is.”

Jake exhaled and looked down ashamedly, “yeah. Sorry about that.”

“What was that all about, anyway?” Lero asked.

“What was that about? What do you mean!? You basically put an unknown, medium size animal, of the type that I’d only seen kick me right in my eye, less than 2 feet away from me with no warning. What did you expect would happen?” Jake shot Lero an incredulous look, as he crossed his arms in expectation of a satisfactory answer.

Lero looked abashedly at his feet, rubbing the back of his head as he admitted, “To be honest, I was winging it Jake, I thought if I could get you to talk to someone you thought was a human first you’d be more willing to accept that ponies are just like you and me. I’ve gotten so used to seeing them as… well… ordinary people, I forgot that you could have been surprised by them.”

“That’s OK, I really don’t even know why I reacted so badly… flight or fight I guess. And I had trouble with the flight bit,” Jake said as he fiddle with the strap that restrained him to the bed. “What’s with this thing anyway?”

Lero chucked as he reached beneath the bed to undo the strap, “as humans we’re a bit bigger than the average patient at this hospital, so they designed me a custom bed a little while back, the strap is just a precautionary measure.”

“So, you’ve been a patient here before. Sounds like maybe even a few times if they’ve gone so far as to design a custom-sized bed for you. You’re either unhealthy, or accident prone. I’m guessing the latter since you’re a doctor and you look OK. So is this Equestria a dangerous place then?”

Lero frowned, thinking: this Jake character was pretty insightful. He’d have to be careful about his responses around him. It wasn’t that Lero had anything to hide, it was just a natural defense reaction to someone being uncannily perceptive. “To answer that, Jake, would be a long story.”

“To be honest, if you’ve got the time… I’d like to hear it, knowing what you’ve gone through would maybe help answer the thousands of questions I have, maybe even ease some of my worries too.”


“OK then, I’m not much of a storyteller, so stop me if you start to fall asleep.” Lero took a moment to sort his thoughts, then launched into his time in Equestria, starting from when he’d arrived.

He’d avoided speaking about any of his romantic relationships, however. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of them… its just that he knew that Jake would have enough to digest over the next little while before getting into his polygamous and romantic adventures. With that logic in mind he also didn't get into any of the myriad villains or catastrophes that had befallen Equestria (including the swap), plenty of time for that later, if at all.

He’d managed to cover the basics: how they were the only two humans, how there was currently no way back home, the peaceful nature of day-to-day pony life. 

Jake had been quiet throughout, only the odd question here or there to clarify some minor points as Jake went along. 

~~~~Present~~~~

A knock on the door interrupted Lero’s lecture. Nurse Redheart poked her head in meekly and tried to address Lero without looking at Jake. 

“Excuse me, Doctor Michaelides.”

Lero looked right away at Jake, trying to discern if he would have another negative reaction to a pony like the one he’d had when Twilight had been present. Instead he saw that he had a bemused, almost curious expression, like someone seeing a cute dog do a funny trick.

“Oh you don’t need to pretend he’s a Doctor anymore, ma’am. Real doctors don’t shake hands with patients or chew on the nub of hospital pens while making the rounds, too likely to get an opportunistic infection. Plus, none of your stories involved you doing much in Ponyville hospital. You wear the title of doctor about as well as you wear that ridiculous lab-coat Lero.” 

Jake’s chuckling was infectious and Lero shortly found himself laughing at his little attempt as well, as he removed the torn coat from his back with some difficulty.

“Well I hate to interrupt your little chatting session, but it is quite late and also well past visitors’ hours… Jake is still healing and needs his rest.” She shot Jake and Lero a stern look.

“Its funny just how their expressions are so much like a nurse back home, isn’t it?” Jake asked to Lero with a fascinated expression.

Lero nodded curtly and prepared to change the subject, he’d have to remind Jake that ponies were like just like people in more than their expressions... and referring to Nurse Redheart as they while she was present could be considered a bit rude even cons-

“My apologies, ma’am… you just reminded me so much of my aunt. If we crossed her she’d fix us with this glare and put us right in our place.” Jake said with a sheepish smile.

Lero smiled inwardly, it was a good sign that Jake felt courtesy was owed after all.

“No offense taken, but it really is time for you to get some sleep… do you feel like you’ll be able to get some sleep or should I bring an actual doctor in?”

“Nah I should be fine, thanks Nurse…?”

“Redheart.”

“Thanks Nurse Redheart. Have a good evening.”

Nurse Redheart backed out of the room and Lero began to follow her. He paused at the door and looked back at Jake in his hospital bed, the sheets enveloping him comfortably and the waist strap keeping him centered on the bed. He couldn’t imagine what could be going through his head at a moment like this, and he felt a bit of concern for him.

“You OK Jake? You know I’ll be right outside if you need anything.”

There was a pause and Jake avoided looking at him before replying.

“I’m still just taking it in right now Lero… what… what’s gonna happen to me? What am I going to do?” His voice sounded a bit sad.

“I asked myself the same thing Jake, and things turned out OK. Little tip from a guy who’s been there: now’s not the time for worrying. For now you just rest + sleep. Everypony… everyone...will take care of you. You’ll be OK” Lero saw jake give him a small smile which reassured him that his words had the desired effect.

“Thanks buddy.”

“G’night!” Lero closed the door behind him. It was a solid door made of fine Apple farms lumber, and helped keep the hustle and bustle of the busy hospital from disturbing any patients.

It also kept Lero from hearing Jake’s soft sobs as the lights clicked off.