I Forgive You

by Father Pie

First published

Rainbow writes two letters for people she knows may never receive them.

Rainbow knew she was strong. So why was writing a letter or two so difficult? The pen felt as if weighed 500 lbs, her hands shook, and there was a layer of sweat across her forehead.

Surely writing to her parents was easier than it seemed.

No One Is Perfect, After All... We're Only Human

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Hi mother,

It's been years now. When I was younger, living with you was amazing! We were always going places, never staying in one place for too long. Though now that I'm older I realize that taking care of me by yourself must have been hard... I don't ever recall your job; Though you did your best to make sure I was happy, and you did a great job there... I don't ever recall being sad, or mad.

What about you mom? Were you sad? Of course you were, I remember all the empty cans of cheap alcohol around our home, I was too young to realize you drank yourself to sleep when you could. If I had known maybe I could have helped you. Wishful thinking, you couldn't even help yourself. I also know that you only wanted to be happy, I couldn't blame you, but I didn't want any one replacing my dad. Looking back now, yeah... I liked them, they were pretty cool guys; Though you never kept them around for very long, I wonder why? What did they do or say?

I never really had any close friends... We never stayed around in one place long enough, but I didn't care as long we met new people. I never told you before I left that I hate meeting new people now did I? I can't be in a relationship either mom, I don't trust others easily. Perhaps it's one of many flaws that I've inherited from you. That made me smile, mom you're perfect, because for all your faults, and all your mistakes... It only now makes me realize that my mom was a person, and people can't be strong by themselves.

Hey mom, do you remember all the friends of yours we visited? They were always so weird, but they were weird in a cool way. They never did any thing lamely, and they were always really funny. They never did live really long did they? Substance abusers is what I recognize them as now, I'm glad you never got like that around me.

I never wanted to be like you mom, not when I knew what you were... A failure. I now see that you aren't a failure, but a winner, and what you won was another day... You were a repeat offender of that prize, and I'm glad.

I had always thought that maybe... Maybe I wouldn't invite you to my wedding; Selfish huh?

I forgive you mom, and I hope you know that I never hated you for anything.

Rainbow Dash sighed, it had taken her years to work up the courage to write that letter, it was short, for all the years that she had kept her feelings pent up it had felt amazing to pour it all out; Though she now had to write her second letter... Dash smiled softly at the memories she had made with her father, now all she had to do was write her letter to him.

Hello father.

Dad... Do you remember when I was little and I used to shower with you? I loved being under the water with you, I miss when you washed my hair, toweled me off, and brushed my hair. Do you miss that as well? I had always assumed we were a happy family, you and mom cuddled on your bed, though maybe that was for my benefit? I never really gave it much thought when you and mom split up. I also never understood why mom left me with you, why did she leave me with you dad?

Remember when we lived with grandma? I never saw you often then, but grandma never brought it up, I think she was sad. What about you dad? Were you sad when mom left you? Maybe you were, because you also liked to drink alot, but maybe that was because you didn't want to mess up with me? I like to think that was the reason, and not because you didn't care. I also think you cared alot because after a year you got your own house, and we moved from grandma's.

Dad... Did you ever smile when mom left you? I don't ever remember seeing you smile, unless something really funny happened; Did you hate me? Did you blame me for mom leaving us? Maybe that's why you started to drink.

I know you tried to fill the void in your heart, I never did like the women you dated. I didn't want them to replace mom, looking back now though... I see that you didn't do it to replace mom, but you did it to ease your own pain, the alcohol also eased some of that pain too. I couldn't stand it dad, when I would wake up to an empty house, because you didn't make it home from a party. Sometimes I would walk to grandma's and she would hold me until I fell asleep, she never looked happy when I arrived alone at night. I wonder what she said to you.

Dad, I hated you for so long... Whenever I visited we would start to wrestle, maybe you thought it was me playing around, but I really wanted to hurt you.

Dad I now realize that you loved me with all your heart, but you never knew how to show it properly... I also have that problem, I can't express myself to my friends properly either.

Dad for being human, for having faults, and not being perfect... I forgive you.

Putting her pen down, Rainbow reached a hand to her eyes and began wiping away tears that had formed on them as she was writing her letters. Rainbow pushed off her table and leaned in her chair, her mind was racing through memories of simpler times; Time then seemed to move so slowly, a day seemed to last forever. Though now, time felt as if it passed by in an instant, Rainbow leaned forward, her chair finally having all of its legs on the floor. She debated in her mind whether or not to send the letters to her parents.
Rainbow sighed, her eyes falling to the floor... It still felt too soon, she could send them another day.

The Past Needs To Guide The Future

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Rainbow slammed her fist on the table, frustrated by her thoughts, how could she think this was a good idea? That didn't stop her from writing words to someone who desperately needed to hear them before they made a choice they would regret forever.

Dear Scootaloo,

It's me RD, coolest person around, heh... Look I know what you're going through, and to be honest it sucks major balls. Your parents are fighting, and it might seem scary but you need to talk to them. I never had that chance okay? I grew up in a different time, and I had no one to help me... I'm your adoptive sister, and I will do all that I can to help you Scoots, but please talk to your parents, they need to know how you feel.

I didn't grow up with both of my parents for as long as you have, and they never fought. I can only imagine what it feels like... I'm going to tell you something secret okay? Scootaloo, I stopped talking to my parents when I was around your age... I ran away from my mom, and when my dad tried to contact me, I ignored him. I don't want you to grow up like me, I resented my parents for a long time. Scoots, I kept away from my parents out of spite. I know you don't want that, because I didn't enjoy it; Remember that your parents are people with feelings, and maybe you'll have to accept that your parents will get divorced, but don't shut them out.

They love you Scootaloo.

Look, how about you come over for a few days, and when you're ready to talk to your parents I'll come with you, okay?

Rainbow sighed, the letter was short and she didn't like how it sounded, but she needed to send it regardless; after all she needed to be there for someone she loved. Only time would reveal Scootaloo's choice, Rainbow just hoped that she wouldn't mess up.

I Was Too Afraid

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Rainbow sighed as she sat down at her table, her journal of letters was getting bigger with each passing month, memories of times gone by. Taking out a new piece of paper Dash began to write.

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

Remember that night? I do, it was beautiful; the falling snow that landed on our faces felt amazing! I can hear your voice still, it sounded like music to my ears.

The feeling of our arms touching made me happy, if only we could have been together...

You talked and I listened faithfully to your stories of work with a smile on my face, soon I would tell you how much you meant to me... Then you said you were in a relationship, my heart plummeted like a rock in the water, it sank to the bottom of the depths. We stop walking at this point, I turned my head to face you... I was happy your back was to me, otherwise you would have seen my devastated expression, and when you turned to face me, I smiled for you.

I kept the tears in, and forced a cheery mood for you... Or was it for me at that point?

You confided your fears to me about your relationship and I nodded and smiled, telling you it would work out. I decided at that point that it was unfair for me to reveal how I felt about you, I'm such a coward.

As we continued our walk, maybe you figured out why I brought you out that night, or maybe you didn't... I hope you didn't.

It's my duty to back up my friends, even if I don't like it. I hated it, not what you told me, but my feelings Sunset... Why do feel this way? I feel empty and alone.

I can't talk to anybody about it, because they would tell you, and I can't just force you to deal with my feelings when your relationship is going so well.

I'm sure I'll eventually get over it... I will won't I?

Rainbow blinked as she felt tears running down her face, she had been so busy writing that she didn't notice how blurry her vision had become. As Dash wiped her eyes, more tears began to come forward, she was fighting a losing battle. Getting frustrated Rainbow forcefully pushed the paper away from and began sobbing into her hand.

Confessions Too Late

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Rainbow sat at her desk, a glass of whiskey sitting next to its bottle, her mind was in free fall. She did not imagine that her day would be spent at a funeral, much less the funeral of her old flame. The event was small, mostly close family and friends, she had spent the event mostly talking to his parents. There had been no body, so the there were only pictures. Sighing softly Rainbow thought back to her days spent in Canterlot High, she had spent most of it playing sports and hanging out with friends, and her weekends spent with her boyfriend.

Their breakup had been the talk at Canterlot High for weeks, rumors spread that he had cheated on her, and vice versa. The truth is that it was a lot less dramatic then the rumors, he gave his reason and Rainbow accepted it. She had been hurt, but she had buried it by becoming more active and hanging out with the girls more often.

Rainbow glanced at the closed envelope she had received at the funeral. She had asked if any others received them as well, she had been the only recipient. Finally deciding that putting it off any longer was not a good idea and opened the envelope. Inside was a sheet of folded paper. Unfolding it revealed that it was a letter addressed to her.

Dear Rainbow Dash,

How have you been? I know it's been a few years since we've talked, and I wanted to apologise for that... I shouldn't have just ignored you after our breakup, that was childish of me and I regret doing it. The truth is that I wanted to speak with you, and hang out with you. I know you confided in me alot, and I repaid you by turning me back on you. You must have hated my guts.

God, I'm tearing up writing this, I can't even imagine what I put you through. You were never good at expressing yourself, except with me. You trusted me with secrets you had kept for Fluttershy and the others, you came to me with you troubles and I helped you... I also trusted you with my past, our relationship was close, wasn't it?

Remember that time we raced across Everfree park? You let me win, and you never let any body beat you... So why did you let me? I must have been very important to you. Were you scared of losing me? I know I was scared of losing you Rainbow. I think it was there that I fell in love with you, sitting on the hill over looking the park, the setting sun had made you the prettiest thing in my world, your smile made my heart flutter, and your laugh made me happy.

Rainbow... I know you didn't have a great childhood, and that you had your issues... Perhaps that's why at times you could be hard to talk to, there were things you wouldn't tell me, no matter how much I insisted. I always gave you space to relax when you needed it, I was always there to comfort you. But what I did not tell you was that I could not be around forever.

I... I was getting sick, real badly, they told my parents that it was terminal. I couldn't do that to you, I wouldn't allow you to see me waste away. My parents decided that it was time for us to move into the city and closer to the hospitals. It was around this time that I broke it off with you, and I gave you a really bad excuse. For along time it seemed touch and go, for years I lived in a world of constant ups and downs... By the time I recovered I felt that it was way too late to rekindle what we had.

Was that wrong of me?

Rainbow? If there is one thing that I regret in life... It's that I never said "I love you". Rainbow Dash, you were my closest friend, my first love, and some one very dear to me... I love you.

From Slip Stream.

P.S. I would like to meet up some time and chat, I want us to be friends again, and this time I'll win that race myself!

Rainbow was busy wiping tears from her face as she finished the letter. her crying was mixed with choking laughs, Slip really thought he could beat her, though soon she was bawling into her arms. After awhile Rainbow's crying had turned into soft snoring.

"I love you to Slip"