> Twilight Holmes: The Mystery of Basil Bones
>  by bats
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight rolled out of bed and staggered to her hooves. She squinted against the sunlight and grumbled, then dragged herself over to her vanity. Her head throbbed as she pulled a brush through her mane and her mouth felt dry and gummed up.

A lump in the bed squirmed and rumbled with a groan. “Izzere coffee?” Rainbow Dash asked from under the covers.

“Not yet.”

“Wake me up when there’s coffee.”

“You should wake me up when there’s coffee,” Twilight protested. She pulled the bottom lid of her eye down and glared at the bloodshot lines.

The lump shifted, and Twilight could see in the reflection of the mirror that her girlfriend had sprawled out across the mattress under the sheets. “You got outta bed first, you lose.”

Twilight set the brush down and snagged the lump in her magic.

“Hey!” The sheet flopped off Rainbow as she rose from the bed. She wrapped her hooves around her face. “Augh, no, you suck.”

“I’m making the coffee, but you’re keeping me company, stop whining.”

“Never, you jerk.”

Twilight chuckled as she made her way down the stairs with Rainbow in tow. “This hangover’s your fault, anyway.”

“Nuh-uh. The booze was my fault, hangovers just happen.” She lowered her hooves from her eyes and crossed them over her chest as they got to the lower loft of Twilight’s bedroom. She ducked her head as they went down the main staircase. “And we totally didn’t even get that drunk.”

Twilight paused mid-step and looked back over her shoulder at Rainbow. “Are you kidding?”

“I … don’t think we got that drunk.”

Twilight giggled and shook her head.

“Okay, fine, we got trashed, I guess. Keep walking already, my head hurts.”

Twilight grinned, despite her own aches, and continued down the stairs. “The fact that you don’t even remember how much we drank should be a solid clue that it was a lot.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, genius. You still can’t blame me for this.” Twilight swung them into the kitchen and Rainbow winced at the sunlight streaming through the window. “Besides, I didn’t hear you complaining about it last night.”

Twilight dropped Rainbow into a chair by the table. “No, you didn’t.” She smirked and kissed her girlfriend on the cheek.

Rainbow rubbed an eye and slumped forward against the table. “Coffee first, make-outs later.”

Shaking her head, Twilight turned away and floated what she needed for coffee to the counter. Using magic wasn’t doing her head any favors, and she winced as a stab raced down her horn and into her brain when she flash-heated a blob of water. At least it would be ready faster than fumbling around with her hooves and using the stove.

“Shouldn’t Spike be doing this?” Rainbow grumbled.

“Spike’s not my butler, Rainbow. Also, I think he went to AJ’s when the dancing started.” She chewed her lip and felt heat rise to her face. “I should probably bring her and Big Mac something as a thank you. And maybe something for Spike as an apology.”

“For what? We weren’t making that much noise he had to leave. Guy can sleep through anything.”

“He was downstairs with us. He left because you kept biting my tail.”

“… Really? Man, I was drunk.”

Twilight smiled through her blush and brought the fresh coffee and some mugs over to the table. She sunk down in a seat, sighed, and scooped up a mug with both hooves. Rainbow slurped, and let out a satisfied groan. “That’s better, but everything’s still way too bright.”

Twilight took a sip and slumped back. “I’ll make breakfast in a minute. I just need this right now.”

“Please tell me you’ve got nothing going on today and we can just go back to bed after that.”

She grimaced and rubbed her face. “Don’t make me think yet.” She took a longer draught of her coffee. It was black and unsweetened, thinner and more bitter than she’d like, but Rainbow liked it black and she wasn’t about to fiddle with add-ins for just herself on a first cup of the day, hangover or not. “If there is stuff to do, it won’t be for a while. By which I mean anything I have to do right now I’m putting off for at least two hours.”

“Damn straight. The bed is calling.” Rainbow winked. Since she was squinting against the sunlight, it didn’t quite come off as suggestive.

Twilight sighed. “Breakfast and a hot shower are calling. Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I’ll be getting back to sleep after drinking coffee, anyway.”

“Aw, you suck.” Rainbow flashed a smile and chugged down half her mug. “How’m I supposed to nap without my pillow?”

“You always manage.”

Shadows crossed over the kitchen window. Rainbow grimaced and squeezed her eyes shut, while Twilight turned towards it. Ponies rushed by the road outside the library in groups, headed towards the center of town. Twilight frowned. At least everypony looked excited, which meant the chance that something horrible had risen from a forgotten corner of Equestria to try and destroy everything was low. She took a sip. “I wonder where everypony’s going.”

“Wherever it is, can they get there not in front of the window? It’s like they’re kicking me in the eyes.” She held a hoof up in front of the dappling light.

Twilight chuckled and shook her head. “It’s not like they’re doing it on purpose. Have some more coffee, you’ll feel better.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Rainbow drained her mug and reached for the pot. “We’ll hear about whatever’s going on from somepony, I bet.”

Twilight’s window sprung open and Amethyst Star stuck her head into the kitchen. “Did you hear?”

“I meant later,” Rainbow mumbled under her breath.

Twilight shot Rainbow a look, then forced a polite smile on her face. “Hear what?”

“Basil Bones is in town! Isn’t that amazing? Everypony’s going to meet him! Gotta go!” The window slammed shut and clattered in its frame as Amethyst took off again. Rainbow and Twilight both winced at the noise.

“Wow, Basil Bones is here? That’s so exciting.” Twilight tapped her chin and cocked her head to the side. “Last I heard he was in Trottingham. That’s a long way to go. I wonder why he’d come to Ponyville?”

“Who the heck is Basil Bones?” Rainbow grumbled.

Twilight’s eyebrows shot up. “You haven’t heard of him?” At Rainbow’s huff, she cracked a smile. “Sorry, rhetorical question. I’m just surprised because he’s always in the newspapers.”

“And … you think I read newspapers a bunch?” She matched Twilight’s smile, and gave her a condescending pat on the head. “Silly Twilight. Newspapers are for boring old ponies who care about stupid things.”

Twilight scoffed. “Hey now, I read newspapers. Shut up! I’m not old!” She crossed her hooves and lifted her muzzle. “You know that Spitfire has a Sunday column in The Canterlot Times, right?”

“Holy crow, really?” Her eyes lit up and she jumped to her hooves, standing with her back legs on the chair and front on the table. “That sounds awesome! Maybe it’s just Ponyville News that’s boring.” The wide grin crumpled to a wince, and Rainbow sat down hard. “Ooh, I shouldn’t’ve done that,” she said, rubbing her temple. “Why’m I so loud?”

Twilight gave her a flat look.

“Shut up. So who’s Basil Bones?”

“Oh. Right. Basil’s one of Equestria’s most famous—” Twilight’s voice cut off as the window sprung open again.

“Hey guys!” Berry Punch chimed as the frame banged against the wall. “Did you hear? There’s some famous detective in town that everypony’s going to meet.”

Rainbow sighed and rubbed the bridge of her muzzle. Twilight forced another grin. “Yes, we heard. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome! Gotta go, don’t wanna miss anything important!” Berry slammed the window and vanished back to the crowd. Rainbow cringed again.

“… So as I was saying, he’s one of Equestria’s—”

“Famous detective, I figured it out, Twi.” Rainbow smiled and slurped her coffee. “That’s neat, I guess, but why’s it a big deal?”

Noticing Rainbow was halfway through her second cup already, Twilight finished off her first. “It’s … well, he’s very, very famous, and he usually stays out of the public eye. I’m sure most ponies just want to see him to say that they have. Imagine if Spitfire never gave autographs.”

“Huh, okay.” She frowned as she nursed her coffee. “… You wanna go check it out?”

Twilight let a long breath out through her snout. “Normally I would love to. Everything I’ve read about him sounds fascinating. He’s like a character out of a book brought to life. But …” She poured herself a fresh mug. “I still don’t have the fortitude to make breakfast. I don’t think I have it in me to walk down there by myself right now, and I wouldn’t ask you to come, too. You’re a little worse off than me, and I can tell you don’t care about meeting Basil Bones.”

“Not really, but I’ll come with.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow.

“I’m okay, and I bet you’re gonna be kicking yourself if you don’t go check this guy out. I’d be going crazy if Misty Fly was signing autographs and I couldn’t go ‘cause of a hangover.”

“… She’s a Wonderbolt, right?”

Rainbow chuckled. “Yes, Twi. And she never signs autographs.”

Twilight gave a faint smile, then slumped back in her chair and rubbed her head. “It’s sweet of you to offer, but I still feel pretty rough. I really don’t want to walk down to town and then have to come home and try to make breakfast.” She grimaced and folded her ears flat, then looked out the window. The stream of ponies flooding towards town from the houses farther out had slowed to a trickle. “He’ll … probably still be here in a few hours. I should be okay to wait.” As she said it, she wasn’t sure she believed herself. The articles about Basil Bones—many of them by Basil himself—gave the impression that the stallion was fitful and nomadic, never staying anywhere for much longer than he needed to solve a case. And if half the stories were to be believed, he solved cases very quickly. She let out a long sigh.

“We can go out for breakfast after,” Rainbow offered. “C’mon, you’re gonna be grumpy if we don’t go.” Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, you’re grumpy now, but you’ll feel better after seeing this Basil guy and then getting a plate of pancakes.”

Twilight frowned in thought for a moment, then drained her mug. “Okay, we’ll go, but we’re taking coffee with us. Thank you, Rainbow, I really would be upset with myself if I missed him.”

Chuckling, Rainbow held her mug out for Twilight to fill. “’Course I’m right. Plus, you’re totally gonna owe me for coming with.”

She rolled her eyes. “And here I thought you were just being uncharacteristically thoughtful.”

The window flew open and Spike hopped up on the sill. “Hey, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, did you hear that—?”

“We know!”





“Ugh, it’s even brighter out here.” Rainbow squinted in annoyance at the sky. She flew alongside Twilight as her girlfriend plodded down the road towards town square. She cradled her fresh mug in both hooves.

Twilight smirked at her. She floated her own coffee on the other side from Rainbow, letting it steam out into the air. They had the road to themselves, and Twilight kept looking at the throng of ponies still flooding the square.

Rainbow nursed her mug. Agreeing to come along to meet Basil Bones had been the right move at the time, but actually doing it was another matter. She looked ahead at nothing in particular with a flat expression.

Twilight snickered. “Boy, don’t you look excited.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” She smirked at Twilight and rolled over on her back, resting the mug on her chest. She supposed it didn’t have to be boring. “So what’s this Basil guy like? Is he, like, a real life Auguste Dumane, all serious and stuff, or is he more like Hercules Yoke and a smartass?”

“I wouldn’t go as far as saying Yoke’s a smartass, he’s just a little arrogant.”

“Oh, he’s totally a smartass. Whenever he wins, he has those awesome speeches where he makes everypony know he’s won. Him being a smartass is the best part of those books.”

Twilight frowned for a moment and nodded. “Yeah, I guess I can see that.” She grinned. “I’m glad you like detective books. I should reread a few of them, I like talking about books with you.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Gonna answer my question, egghead?”

“Well, to be honest, I don’t really know what he’s like. The newspaper articles are a little conflicting. I’ve read a few that described him as very friendly and outgoing, but just as many have called him quiet and mysterious. And some of those different accounts were in articles Basil Bones had written himself.”

Rainbow snorted and rolled back upright, sending a few drops of coffee splattering on the ground. “Does he really call himself ‘quiet and mysterious’? He’s totally Yoke.”

Twilight giggled. “It comes off as more self-deprecating in the articles. I really don’t know what to expect.”

Twilight took a long drink from her mug as they met up with the back end of the crowd. Rainbow landed when the throng grew thick, and they wove their way through the street, past a chokepoint between two buildings, and then paused when town hall came into view again. Rainbow glanced around, spotting a sea of familiar faces. A stage hadn’t been set up and nopony seemed to be looking in the same direction, but rather milled around in separate conversations, some excited, some confused. It could have been a particularly crowded market day. Twilight murmured in confusion and folded her ears back.

“What’s he look like, anyway?” Rainbow muttered. The crowd had thinned enough she jumped back into the air, and she spun in slow circles.

“Um … a stallion.”

Rainbow glared.

With a guilty smile, Twilight said, “I’ve only seen drawings of him. Black and white drawings. He has a curly mane that’s a lighter color than his coat, I think, and his cutie mark is two puzzle pieces.”

Rainbow huffed and cradled her mug close to her chest. “Well, I don’t see him.”

“Maybe it was a prank.”

The last word Twilight said caused a ripple that spread away from them through the crowd. A darker edge entered the tone of a hundred separate conversations, and ‘prank’ echoed back at them from a dozen directions. As Twilight grimaced and craned her neck to look out over the townsponies, Twilight took a sip of coffee.

“Do you really think it’s a prank?” Fluttershy asked, much closer than Rainbow expected and right next to Twilight’s ear.

Twilight whirled around and stepped away in surprise. “Gah, Fluttershy, you snuck up on me.”

“O-oh. I’m sorry.” Fluttershy shrank back a step.

She cleared her throat and smiled. “It’s all right, I’m just distracted. Anyway, I don’t know what to think. It might be.”

Fluttershy sighed and drooped her head. “I was worried it might be. It seemed too good to be true.”

Rainbow snorted. “Too good to be true? I had no idea you were such a big fan of this guy.” She nudged Twilight, who rolled her eyes.

“You didn’t know who ‘this guy’ even was until this morning.”

“Well, you should’ve said he was Fluttershy’s dream stallion.”

A blush spread over Fluttershy’s face and she squeaked. “Oh, gosh, no. Well, I mean, he seems very nice, but that’s not …” She squeaked again, and Rainbow dissolved into snickers.

“Rainbow, you’re not helping.”

“I’m just messing with her, jeeze.”

Fluttershy lifted her head and took a breath. “All I meant was that I woke up this morning and …” Her face twisted into worry. “My chipmunks’ tea set is missing!”

A beat of silence passed. Rainbow cocked her head to the side. “You have a tea set for chipmunks?”

“No, my chipmunks have a tea set.” She frowned and knit her brow, looking off in the distance. “Which I suppose is a tea set for chipmunks. A-anyway, they had a tea party yesterday, and I helped them clean up, but this morning everything was missing from the animals’ dish rack.”

Rainbow landed and arched an eyebrow. “Your animals have their own dish rack?”

“No, I have a dish rack for my animals’ dishes.”

Twilight rubbed her forehead with a hoof and cut in. “Rainbow, you’re still not helping.”

“Fluttershy’s house is weird!” she retorted.

Sighing, Fluttershy slumped forward. “I asked the critters if they put it all away, but they didn’t, so it just disappeared sometime in the night. When I heard Basil Bones was in town, it felt like it might be a sign. Maybe I was wrong …”

A stallion’s voice cut through the crowd, spoken at a conversational volume that carried enough authority and directness they all turned towards it. “The tea set wasn’t stolen.”

They caught a flash of green, then looked at each other. Then the voice came again, this time from behind them. “Finding it shall be of trivial consequence, but I delight in consequences both grand and trivial.”

Fluttershy eeped and leapt behind Twilight, who spun towards the voice. Rainbow Dash sighed and took a sip of coffee before turning. The stallion had a mint green coat and closely cropped white mane. His laugh lines suggested he had a few years on any of them, but there was a youthful energy in his eyes. He peered critically at Fluttershy over Twilight’s shoulder through a pair of half-moon pince-nez.

Rainbow rubbed her eye. “Who’re you?”

Twilight jabbed her side, then looked pointedly at the stallion’s flank.

“What?” She finished off her mug, then followed Twilight’s gaze to see the stallion’s puzzle piece cutie mark. Twilight was wrong about the curly mane, then. “Oh, hey, you did show up.”

Basil Bones glanced at Rainbow for a breath. “Hmn?” He returned his attention to Fluttershy with a shrug, and shouldered past Twilight. “Now then, my distressed mare, about the missing tea set.”

After the surprise wore off, Fluttershy’s expression brightened. “Oh dear, you startled me, Detective Basil Bones. It’s very nice to meet you.” At his name, an opposite ripple shuddered through the rest of Ponyville. A spike of excited chatter spilled outwards and then dropped off to silence as everyone turned towards Basil. Fluttershy shrunk back from the sudden attention, but Basil paid it no mind.

“Hmn? Yes, yes, charmed I’m quite sure, but about the missing tea set. I say missing, madam, because I have ascertained at once that it was not stolen, and I should like to walk you through my reasoning as we reobtain it for you. Come along!” He set off at a bold trot and the crowd parted for him among murmurs of excitement. Fluttershy cringed and hurried to catch back up with him.

“Um. Where are we going, if you don’t mind me aski—?”

“I observed, madam, from the way you carry yourself and talk to others in a quiet a fearful manner, that you are introverted and reticent in your day to day life. I can also observe that you have poise and confidence despite these personal failings.”

Rainbow saw her friend mouth the word, ‘Thanks?’ too quiet to hear. Twilight grabbed her by the foreleg and led the way, pushing along into the wake of Basil’s path.

Basil made an abrupt turn without slowing, setting off at a right angle from his current course. The crowd stumbled to keep up and yelped as they leapt aside. “Your mane also smells of scented oils; lavender, cucumber, rose, and a hint of lilac, if I’m not mistaken. Indicative of regular trips to a professional spa, or expert home usage.”

“Y-yes, but what does that have—?”

“So it is quite fundamental in my estimations,” he said as he paused mid step. He rounded on Fluttershy and slid his glasses up his muzzle. “That your profession is that of a mare of the evening.”

Fluttershy’s face turned red enough to catch fire. “What?!” She wheeled around in place casting wide-eyed glances at the huge crowd.

Twilight’s jaw fell open in shock. “Did he say …?”

Rainbow let out half a snort before swallowing it and clamping a hoof over her muzzle.

Twilight cast a severe glare at Rainbow, then looked back at Fluttershy. Rainbow forced the giggle down as hard as she could, then tried to watch the awesome scene unfolding in front of her. It was hard because her eyes were tearing, but she could see Fluttershy looking fitfully from pony to pony in the crowd, as if she were surrounded by changelings.

“And from that irrefutable conclusion, I can—”

Fluttershy spun back to Basil and cried out, “I-I’m n-not a h-h-h-hook—”

“Oh, there’s no need to deny it, madam, I have no desire to pass judgement upon you; I hardly find the practice shameful. It is only important in that—”

“B-but …”

“No buts!” Basil stood up straight, holding his muzzle high. “Now stop interrupting, for we are at the turn!”

Fluttershy squeaked like a whistling teakettle. Rainbow choked.

“Now then, madam, as I had been saying. Your profession is perpendicular to the solution and is ultimately unimportant, regardless of its controversial nature.” Fluttershy cringed. “Stop that. Anyway, we now cross perpendicularly to your profession; come along!” He set off again at another right angle from their last course. The crowd moved aside as he went and Fluttershy cowered along behind. Twilight, looking so affronted Rainbow had to squeeze her own throat to keep quiet, grabbed her and hurried to keep up.

Basil stopped in front of the fountain. With a grand gesture he pointed at the pony sculpture in the center—which while expertly repaired still had seen better days—and gave a sharp nod. “Last night, after the tea party, your profession led you outside your house to this very spot. In addition to the scented oils, I detected the smell of treated water and masonry dust, which I submit you could not have picked up from anywhere else in Ponyville.” He turned his head and gave the fountain an appraising look. “A suitably dramatic setting to conduct your business, I’m sure.”

Fluttershy rubbed her face with both hooves. “I-I’m really not a—”

“And as you conducted your business here, madam, unbeknownst to you, you had thoughtlessly slipped the tea set in with your personal effects. As it was not there in the morning, it stands to reason you had done as much, and as you did not find it among your personal effects after noticing it was missing, it also stands to reason that it had been misplaced during your nightly escapades. Perhaps assisted by the, ah, vigorousness of the work.”

Twilight stopped short, and flashed a ‘don’t you dare,’ stare at Rainbow, who kept her mouth covered. Fluttershy had her face covered, too.

“And thus the case is solved, madam! The tea set, dislodged during your work, landed in the pool of the fountain.” He completed the flourish of a gesture and stabbed down into the water. Everypony craned to see through the sun-dappled surface, and let out a gasp as his hoof surfaced. Nestled in a horseshoe, he held a tiny tea set, waterlogged but otherwise perfect, set on a little tray. “A trifling of a case, but interesting nonetheless.” He held the tea set out for Fluttershy.

Fluttershy eyed the set between her hooves. She swallowed and reached out for it. “I … I don’t understand.”

“Is it not the missing tea set in question?”

“It is, but …”

“Then the case has been solved, the displaced property returned, and the interest over.” He gave an insistent jab with his hoof, and with a squeak Fluttershy scooped the tea set up. Basil raised his head high, took a deep breath and turned back to the crowd. “A trifling case, my fellow ponies, but interesting just the same. I enjoy such trivialities, and I am quite sure that I will stumble across more during my stay in your fine town. But I’m afraid I must insist that you do not bring your cases to me. I am currently engaged in the pursuit of my life and do not have time to hear out every little problem brought before me. But rest assured, I am watching and listening.”

A murmur passed through the crowd, and Basil turned on his heel and walked off. Ponies tried to part for him, but he stepped sideways through them, and was soon lost among the rest of Ponyville’s citizens.

Rainbow couldn’t hold it in anymore. A snort tore its way from her muzzle and she collapsed sideways into Twilight, howling laughter and spilling the rest of her coffee on the ground. “Oh my gosh, that was the best thing ever!”

“Rainbow!” Twilight admonished. “How could you say that? It was horrible.”

“I know, that’s what makes it so awesome!” Twilight glared at her and stepped to the side, which threw her off balance. She staggered, still giggling, and clutched her head. “Ooh, laughing sucks.”

“Come on, we should go make sure Fluttershy’s okay.” She marched forward without looking back.

Rainbow rubbed at the twinge over her eye and grimaced. “Wait up, Twi, the universe is getting back at me for being a jerk.” Twilight paused and rolled her eyes, but a smile broke her stony expression. Rainbow took a steadying breath and followed. The coffee was catching up to her at least.

Weaving their way to the fountain, they found Fluttershy frozen in place and staring at the tea set. Snickers bubbled in Rainbow’s throat, but she forced them back down, casting sidelong glances at her girlfriend.

“Are you okay?” Twilight put a hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder. Fluttershy flinched. “It’s just us.”

Fluttershy shot looks at both of them and dropped her eyes to the ground, nearly fumbling the tea set. Her eyes were red. “… Why was it here? I don’t understand.”

The defeat in Fluttershy’s voice dried up all the mirth Rainbow Dash felt in an instant, and she exchanged a worried glance with Twilight. She put a comforting hoof next to her girlfriend’s on Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Relax. It’s okay.”

“N-no, it isn’t okay. It was here, so everypony’s gonna think what he said was true, and …” She cringed. “You don’t think it’s true, do you?”

“Of course not,” the both blurted at once, Rainbow a bit more angrily than Twilight. Fluttershy shrunk back from her, and she grimaced, then turned to Twilight. She mouthed, ‘I’m bad at this.’

Twilight gave Rainbow a lopsided smile, then lowered her head towards Fluttershy. “Of course we don’t, we know you, Fluttershy, and so does everypony else here. And even if they don’t know you very well, everyone in Ponyville knows who to talk to when their pet is sick.”

Fluttershy lifted her head again, but still looked at Twilight with a skeptical frown. Rainbow huffed through her snout. All that amusement had been replaced by anger, which didn’t feel fair at all. She whipped around and grabbed the closest pony behind her. “Hey, um … Junebug, right?”

Junebug glared at her. “Yes, Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow cleared her throat. “Uh, yeah, sorry.” She coughed and stepped aside to bring Junebug face to face with Fluttershy. “You didn’t believe that Basil guy about Fluttershy, did you?”

Fluttershy whimpered and hid behind her mane. Junebug snickered, shook her head, and said, “If she’s a prostitute, I’m Princess Celestia.”

“See? Everypony knows he got it wrong, even if he found your tea thing. Cheer up.” Rainbow prodded Fluttershy.

Junebug sighed and turned away. “You’re welcome, Rainbow Dash, happy to help,” she deadpanned.

“Eh?”

Twilight chuckled, then called after Junebug. “We really do appreciate it, thank you.” She rubbed Fluttershy’s shoulder and dropped her voice. “Rainbow’s right, Fluttershy. There must be some other reason and he just got the details wrong. I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for how your chipmunks’ tea set ended up here other than his flawed one.”

Fluttershy lifted herself back up, and a bit of strength re-entered her voice. “What, though? It doesn’t make any sense.”

Rubbing her chin, Twilight looked at the fountain. “Maybe he was right about everything except the situation. You didn’t come out here for something else last night, did you?”

“No. After helping the critters clean up, I went to sleep.” She sighed and looked at the little tray in her hoof. “I asked them all this morning if they borrowed it, but everyone said no.” Her frown deepened, and even more life came back into her voice. “Maybe … maybe someone did borrow it to have tea at the fountain. And they didn’t tell me, because they were embarrassed they forgot it?”

Rainbow grinned at her friend’s improved tone. The anger receded and she nudged Fluttershy. “Maybe they were embarrassed for other reasons.” Fluttershy’s cheeks darkened again, but she giggled. Rainbow took a deep breath and mentally patted herself on the back for cheering up her friend so awesomely. She turned towards Twilight. “Now that’s over, you wanna go … get … breakfast?”

Twilight looked intently at the fountain with her mouth pressed into a firm line. A beat of silence passed while Rainbow raised an eyebrow. At last Twilight turned, though her expression remained impassive. “Yes, let’s go get breakfast. Fluttershy, please be sure to ask your animals about this again. Let me know if that really is what happened.”

“Okay, Twilight, I’ll let you know.” Her brow knit. “Do … do you think it might be something else?”

“I’m …” A shadow passed over Twilight’s expression, and for an instant she looked enraged. But a different sort of anger than Rainbow had seen in her girlfriend, not the grumbling annoyance Rainbow saw all the time or the fiery outburst when things were really getting to her, but a seething and cold anger. Then she smiled at Fluttershy. “I don’t know, but something feels off about this to me. If it wasn’t one of your animals, I want to get to the bottom of this.”

Fluttershy’s confusion turned into a knowing grin. “I understand. It’s hard to let mysteries go.” She turned to Rainbow. “Have a nice breakfast. Thank you for making me feel better, both of you.”

Rainbow puffed out her chest. “It was important, ‘cause in a few days you’re gonna think it was funny, too.”

Fluttershy sighed and headed off for the other end of town. The crowd around them had been drifting away in dribs and drabs as they talked, which wiped away any sign that Basil Bones had been there at all. Rainbow squinted at Twilight, who had fallen back into contemplative silence. “You all right?”

Twilight shook herself awake, then sighed. “I have a headache and feel shaky. Let’s go eat something.”

Chuckling, Rainbow turned to walk side by side with her girlfriend as they headed out towards the café. “C’mon, Spike’s probably waiting for us, and I bet he’ll wanna know if Fluttershy’s okay.”

Twilight nodded and sighed again. “Thanks for not … making that worse.”

“I deserve a medal, that was hilarious.” Twilight glowered. “I mean, not Fluttershy being all upset, that pissed me off, but all the stuff before it was great.” Twilight shook her head, and Rainbow blew a raspberry. “You’ll think it’s funny in a few days, too.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever find that funny.”

“You’re such a wet blanket.” She bumped Twilight’s shoulder. “C’mon, Twi, you at least gotta admit that no matter what the papers said, you didn’t expect that Basil guy to be like that, huh?”

Twilight cracked a smile and shook her head. “You’re right, I can’t say I did. That was some of the worst abductive reasoning I’ve ever seen.”

“Abda-whatnow?”

Twilight shook her head and shoulder-checked Rainbow back. “At least you’re nice to look at.”

Rainbow scoffed in mock offense and lifted her muzzle. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you left your mug by the fountain.”

Rainbow stopped mid-stride and looked down at her empty hooves. Twilight snickered at her. She grumbled, opened her wings, and flew back the way she came.





> Chapter 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spike waved at Rainbow Dash and Twilight from one of the outdoor mushroom tables, and the two of them went over to meet him. Twilight sunk into a hay bale with a groan and rubbed at the twinge in her forehead. Rainbow sat at the third and said, “Sup, Spike?”

Twilight looked over at her girlfriend. For starting out the day in worse shape, Rainbow had recovered faster from the hangover than she had. Stupid pegasus metabolisms.

“Nothing much, Rainbow Dash. Man, that whole thing was weird.”

“Please tell me that you thought it was funny.” Rainbow grinned across the table at Spike.

Spike shot Twilight a guarded look.Twilight sighed and rolled her eyes. He snickered. “Yeah, kinda. I mean, so long as Fluttershy’s okay.”

“She’s fine.” Rainbow waved a dismissive hoof. “Everypony’s way too uptight.”

Spike raised an eyebrow at Twilight. “Is she fine?”

Twilight opened her mouth to answer, but the waiter stepped over to the table. “Good morning. Can I get you ladies something to drink? Coffee perhaps?”

Rainbow nodded. “We brought our own mugs.” She slid hers onto the table.

He straightened the cufflink on a foreleg and gave the table a knowing grin. “Ah, one of those mornings. I’ll leave the pot.”

Twilight smiled. “Thank you.” As he turned and headed back inside the café, she looked back to Spike. “Fluttershy should be okay. Everypony in town who knows her wouldn’t have believed Basil Bones’ explanation. She was pretty upset at first, but as soon as she saw that nopony actually thought she was a, um …”

“A hooker,” Rainbow offered, hiding her snickers behind a hoof. Spike snorted and covered his mouth.

“… Sure, a hooker,” Twilight grumbled. “As soon as she saw nopony thought she actually was one of those, she calmed down. It’ll probably take a few days for her to be back to normal, though.”

The waiter came back with a steaming carafe. Twilight slid her mug forward for him, and he poured her a cup, saying, “Some fresh coffee, just what the doctor ordered. Have we decided on food?”

“Um …” Spike flashed a questioning look at Twilight, then down at his menu.

Twilight smiled at him, and turned to the waiter to tell him to come back in a few minutes, but Rainbow talked over her.

“Eggs for me. Four of ‘em, scrambled, with a bunch of cheese. And Twi here’s gonna want pancakes.” She flashed Twilight a smirk and met Twilight’s irritated glare. Her smile faltered. “What, did you want toast or something? I could’ve sworn you wanted pancakes.”

Twilight sighed. “Yes, I do want pancakes.” She looked sidelong at Spike for a moment, then huffed.

Rainbow quirked an eyebrow. “Then what’s the problem?”

Twilight sighed again and turned to Spike. “Did you know what you wanted yet?”

Spike’s expression turned nervous and he flitted attention from the menu to Twilight. After a beat of silence, he let out a tentative, “Gem chip waffle?”

The waiter gave a sharp nod. “Excellent, I’ll have everything out for you shortly.”

Spike cringed, and watched Twilight’s expression as the waiter left. A reasonable precaution, she supposed. A few months into their living in Ponyville, she had needed to sit Spike down and explain to him that gems were not free despite Rarity’s skill at finding them, and his gem chip waffle habit was accounting for over half her stipend from the princess. Twilight let out a slow breath and smiled at him. “It’s okay for today, Spike. You deserve one.”

Spike perked up and let out a breath of relief. “Man, I was worried you’d say no, and after he left without you saying it was okay first, I thought for sure your head was gonna catch fire.”

Rainbow scratched her head. “I still have no idea what I did.”

Twilight rested her cheek against a hoof and looked Rainbow over. “What am I gonna do with you.”

Her expression shifting to a mischievous smile, Rainbow leaned forward. “I dunno. What are you gonna do with me? Probably won’t cost you anything, either, since I’m not Fluttershy.”

Spike snickered and covered his mouth again. Twilight shot him a look, rolled her eyes, and shook her head. “I’m surrounded.” She sat back and took a breath. “I was planning on getting you a waffle anyway, Spike. It’s been a while and I thought you deserved one after we … um … inconvenienced you last night.”

Spike waved her off and puffed out his chest. “Aw, it was nothing. Big Mac and me traded hoofball cards!”

“Better get Big Macintosh something, too,” Twilight muttered under her breath. She nursed her coffee for a few minutes. Her head felt more clear, but she was starting to get a little jittery. She pushed the mug away and hoped the food came out soon. “Anyway, even if it worked out fine, I’m still sorry. Rainbow and I got a little carried away.”

“Aw, don’t worry about it. I’ll just know next time you two want to have drinks to make plans earlier in the night. Ever since he saw me breathe fire, Rumble’s been wanting me to come over for a sleepover, and Fluttershy could always use a little help with her animals in the evening.” He winked slyly at Rainbow Dash. “Just have to make sure she’s not working the town first.”

Rainbow sputtered a mouthful of coffee and let out a cackle. “Nice one!”

Twilight groaned and shouted, “Will you two stop with the hooker jokes!” just as the waiter walked up behind her.

He jumped in surprise, and the three plates tinked against each other from the tray on his back. He eeped and forced himself back into composure.

Twilight’s cheeks darkened. “Oh, gosh, I’m sorry.”

“Quite all right,” he said, smoothing his cravat. He flipped the tray around to his front with practiced ease and slid their plates around the table. A glint of playfulness danced in his eyes, which stood in stark contrast to his professional bearing. “If I haven’t been startled worse a hundred times over, then Fluttershy’s a prostitute.”

Spike and Rainbow clapped their mouths shut to trap any noise from escaping. Twilight also brought her hooves to her face, groaning into them and sinking against the table.

“My apologies,” the waiter said, “I couldn’t help myself. News of mister Basil Bones’, ah, deduction has been making the rounds.” He slid the tray onto his back. “Is there anything else I can bring you at the moment?”

Twilight looked over her hooves at her tablemates, who were both choking to keep themselves quiet, took a deep breath, and gave the waiter a polite smile. “No, we’re fine, thank you.”

“Bon appétit.”

Twilight stared forward with a grim and flat expression for a few moments. “Oh, just laugh already.” Her stare continued for several moments longer as they collapsed on their hay bales.

“Oh, man!” Rainbow Dash wheezed. “That was great!”

Twilight let out a long and beleaguered sigh, then floated her fork into her stack of pancakes.

Spike recovered first and picked up his own fork. “Thanks for the gem chip waffle, Twilight.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, ignoring the raspy grinding noises her girlfriend was still making. “I hope you enjoy it.”

“… Sorry for laughing.”

“I’m surprised you even know what a prostitute is.”

“Aw, c’mon, I’m not that little.” He chuckled and carved out a chunk of waffle.

Rainbow got ahold of herself and swung back up to sitting. “Yeah, but you’re not that big, either.” She smirked at him and leaned across the table. “So tell us, Spike, how do you know what a hooker is?”

Spike winced and shrunk back from the table. “Uh, well, see …” he stammered. Rainbow snickered.

Twilight at last took a bite of her pancakes and chewed them slowly, staring off into space again. Spike shot her a look that she ignored while trying to savor her food.

Spike cleared his throat and sat forward again. “Okay, so a comic I like called a group of mares hookers, and I didn’t know what that meant, so I looked it up.”

Twilight choked and came close to spitting her pancakes out. As Rainbow covered her mouth to laugh yet again, Twilight fought the pancakes down. “What?! What kind of comic book has hookers?!” She caught sight of the waiter in her peripheral, who halted in mid-step from coming up to their table, turned, and left without a word.

Spike twiddled his claws together and looked down.

Rainbow recovered, but Twilight could see the amusement bubbling in her expression. “Probably something by Crank Thriller.” Spike glanced up and nodded. Twilight gave her girlfriend a bewildered look. “Oh, calm down, Twi, they’re noire detective comics, nothing gross. Artwork’s a little weird, but they’re pretty cool.”

Spike gave Rainbow a grateful look, then turned back to Twilight. “Yeah, what Rainbow Dash said. You’d probably like ‘em.”

Twilight groaned and slumped backwards. “I think I’ve had enough of detectives for a while.” She picked her fork back up and floated some more pancake to her mouth.

Rainbow chuckled and swept her own fork up. “Thought you wanted to read about some of ‘em so we could ‘talk about books.’” She shoved half her eggs into her mouth in one bite.

“That was before Basil Bones showed up.” Her expression darkened. “I hope Fluttershy gets back to me about her animals soon.”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “What’s going on?” He looked to Rainbow.

“I dunno either. We figured some of Fluttershy’s pets had taken the dumb dishes and got embarrassed that they left ‘em in the fountain, but Twi wanted Fluttershy to make sure.”

Twilight nodded as she chewed. She’d cleared a good portion of her plate in short order, and the weight on her stomach was calming the coffee jitters. Slowly but surely, she was starting to feel like a pony again. “That’s one explanation of what happened, yes.”

Rainbow quirked an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I …” Twilight grimaced. “Something else might be going on. I don’t want to say anything until there’s more evidence first.”

Shrugging, Rainbow wolfed down the rest of her eggs. “All right, be weird about it.”

“I’m not being weird about it!”

“You’re being weird about it.” Rainbow smirked and winked at Spike, who chuckled.

“I just want all my bases covered first. That means waiting to find out from Fluttershy or seeing if Basil Bones solves any other mysteries.” She skewered some pancakes with a bit more vindictive force than she meant.

Rainbow leaned back on her hay bale. “I get it now. You just wanna be the detective.”

Twilight opened her mouth to retort, but the waiter slid back to their table before she could say anything. “How is everything?”

She swallowed her sigh and forced a smile. “Very good as always.”

“Excellent. Is there anything else I can get you?”

“I think we’re ready for the check.”
“Very good.” He slid a booklet off his back and onto the table. “Let me know if you save room for dessert.”

“Thanks.” Twilight reached for the bill and flipped it open as he left. She filled in her expense account information and left a large tip. She wrote a quick note for herself on her copy to fill in ‘mental trauma’ when sending her spending justifications back to the castle. The three finished their meals together in relative silence.

Rainbow pushed her empty plate away, then drained her coffee mug. “Thanks for the grub, Twi. I’m totally ready for a nap now.”

Twilight smirked. “Of course you are.” She flipped the bill closed. “Unfortunately, some ponies can’t nap on coffee.”

“You just gotta believe in yourself.” She stood up and stretched her back. “What’cha up to later?”

She rubbed an eye. “I don’t even know. I haven’t looked at my schedule for the day.”

“We’ve got last week’s book returns to put away, and today’s laundry day,” Spike chimed in. “Don’t act surprised, I wrote the schedule.”

Twilight smiled fondly and stood from the table. “Thank you, Spike. I also want to stop by Applejack’s a little later. What about you, other than napping?”

“Got a storm to set up for AJ and Golden Harvest.” She stepped closer and murmured, “We could meet up at AJ’s and I could fly you back to my place. My bed’s made out of clouds, and I just got these really hot Daring Do outfits …”

Twilight blushed and covered her smile. “We’ll see.”

“That’s a yes, then.” She pecked Twilight on the cheek and stepped back, opening her wings. “I’ll see you lat—”

Twilight jumped in surprise as a stampede of ponies poured through the street around the café, heading in the direction of town square. She raised her eyebrows.

“Oh Luna, what now?” Rainbow muttered.

Twilight narrowed her eyes and scanned the crowd. A flash of curly hair caught her eye, and she snagged the end of Pinkie Pie’s tail with her magic. Pinkie bounced in place a couple times before noticing she wasn’t moving forward anymore. “Ooh, this is neat! Hi, Twilight! If I started running and you let go, would I go super-duper fast?”

“… No. You might trip, though.”

“Darn.”

The rush of ponies thinned out around them and Twilight cocked her head. “Where is everypony going?”

Pinkie grinned wider. Pinkie kept bunny hopping as she talked, gaining no ground. “Beats me! I’m hoping it’s something as exciting as this morning. I can’t believe I missed it. Ooh, I wonder if he’s gonna call Rarity a hooker this time. That’d be way funnier than Fluttershy.”

Rainbow clapped her hooves to her mouth. Twilight sighed. “So you’re just following them, even though you don’t know where they’re going?”

“Duh! Whatever it is has gotta be about Basil Sillybones, and mobs are just grumpy parties, anyway. Oh boy, everypony’s gotten way ahead of me, I hope I don’t miss anything again.” She bounced faster, though she remained locked in place.

Twilight looked to Rainbow, then Spike, who wore the same mystified expression. She shrugged helplessly and turned back to Pinkie. “… I’ll let you go so you can catch back up.”

“Ooh, wait, Twilight! Let’s see if it works!”

“If what works?”

“The running and letting go thing! I bet I will go zooming away.” Pinkie dropped to the ground, fell into a crouch, and then sprinted forward at full speed, kicking up dirt behind her. “Okay, let go!” she shouted over her own scuffle.

Twilight grit her teeth. “… You sure? Okay …” She let go. Pinkie blasted away in a cloud of dust. The shockwave knocked Twilight back onto the hay bale. She blinked away the stars in her eyes until she could see Rainbow Dash again, who shrugged. She rubbed her forehead. “I don’t know what I was expecting.”

“Your problem was ‘expecting stuff’ with Pinkie.” She offered a hoof and helped Twilight up. “So, uhh … you gonna go check it out, too?”

Twilight smirked at the guarded look on her girlfriend’s face. “Yes, but I’m not expecting you to come with. I’m feeling better now, and I know you want a nap.”

Rainbow’s shoulders relaxed, but she brushed Twilight off with a wave. “I’m kinda tempted. That guy was hilarious. Also I kinda want to sock him.”

Chuckling, Twilight kissed Rainbow on the cheek. “All the more reason for you to not come with.” She stepped back and smiled at Spike. “You don’t have to come, either, if you’d rather go home.”

“If I go home, you’re gonna make me start the laundry.”

Twilight rolled her eyes, then stepped back into Rainbow’s shoulder. “I’ll see you at AJ’s,” she murmured.

“Knew that was a yes.” Rainbow nuzzled her cheek.

Basil’s voice cut through their moment, sharp and direct, and from the other side of the table. “Oh, how tragic.”

Rainbow leapt off her hooves in surprise, catching herself mid-air with her wings. “Gah!” She spun around. Basil sat in Spike’s hay bale with a menu propped open in front of his face. “What the heck are you doing here? Aren’t you somewhere over there?” She waggled a hoof in the direction of the stampede.

“Hmn?” He lowered the menu to reveal his raised eyebrow. A pipe hung from the side of his mouth, and he puffed at it twice. “Not that it is of any concern, madam, but my comings and goings are my own. I was one place, and now I am here, about to partake in lunch, only to witness a true tragedy unfolding before me.”

Rainbow landed with a clatter and huffed, then turned to Twilight. “The heck is he talking about?”

Twilight felt the pancakes turning sour in her stomach as she leveled a cool gaze at Basil. “I’m sure he’ll tell us whether we want him to or not.”

“Sharp-tongued, I see. As to be expected considering the circumstances.” He folded his menu and set it aside on the mushroom table, then leaned forward and met Twilight’s stare with piercing certainty. “I do have a soft spot for the banalities of daily existence, so it should be of no incredulity that I surmised your situation.”

Rainbow stepped back and scratched the side of her head. She turned to Spike. “Man, is talking like that really normal? He sounds like Twilight when she’s trying to teach me something.”

Twilight turned her flat glare onto the back of her girlfriend’s head. She hid her face in her hoof when Spike answered, “It’s not not normal … I think? I don’t get it, either.”

“So the eggheads have their own language now.”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Basil cleared his throat, and the two straightened and looked back at him. Twilight rubbed at her blossoming headache. “As I was saying,” Basil continued, “despite the platitudinous nature of the conundrum—”

Rainbow huffed. “Now you’re doing it on purpose.”

“— I have a soft spot for the subject and couldn’t help but notice the quintessential commonplace tragedy.” He lapsed into silence. Twilight suspected he wanted it to come off as contemplative, but she just found it annoying. He probably expected her to prompt him before he continued.

She grinded her teeth together as the silence stretched out. He definitely expected her to say something first. She growled, “And what tragedy would that be?”

He reopened his menu and disappeared behind it, save the curl of smoke rising in the air from his pipe. “Isn’t it so obvious as to be unremarkable? Your paramour is preparing to ask for your hoof in marriage.”

“Wh-what?!” Rainbow sputtered.

“An event on its own that one should find joyful and is therefore only a piece of our conundrum, but it is of vital importance. The tragedy unfolding only carries weight when it is understood that her harbored matrimonial plans are factual.”

Twilight gaped at him while Rainbow stammered silently next to her. The waiter stepped up behind Basil, eyed the two of them, then turned around and trotted back inside the café. Twilight glanced sidelong at Rainbow, who was turning an alarming shade of purple, then shook her head to clear it. “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, were that true you would have far less worries, madam. I applaud your decision to not fake happiness at finding out. It is better this way. Keeping up appearances now would make the heartbreak harder on your paramour later; best to disavow her of your intentions now.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “You’re completely out of your mind.”

“Am I? It’s quite obvious to even a laypony that she harbors a deep affection for you, but beyond that affection there is a nuance to her actions that is further suggestive to a mind such as mine. A mostly hidden unsteadiness belies it, but the true giveaway is that she has thoughtlessly left her mug on the table, whereas you in your current state remembered to take yours. Whatever plans she solidified with you just now carry the ulterior motive of a proposal.”

Twilight knit her brow and rubbed the throbbing spot on her forehead. A wavering squeak made its way out of Rainbow’s throat, and Twilight glanced over. Quite alarmingly purple. “Rainbow, breathe.”

“And in considering your current state, therein we find the tragedy, as unbeknownst to your hopeful beloved, you have spent the previous evening in flagrante delicto with a third party.”

Twilight’s jaw fell open. “I did what?!”

“Truly tragic.”

She gaped at him again, her jaw hanging open and her voice dead in her throat. A beat passed, and Spike broke the silence with a snort, but clapped his claws over his mouth fast enough to restore it again, giving Twilight a sheepish look. She clacked her teeth shut and reared up at Basil. “Now listen here, I—”

“Oh, this has grown tiresome.” He huffed and flopped his menu down. “Playing your cards close to your chest is simply illogical now, madam, the jig is up, as they say. Your still tousled and shaky demeanor suggests you partook in alcohol during the evening and are currently suffering from a hangover. Additionally, the character of your scent suggests somewhat recent sexual activity.”

“You couldn’t possibly be close enough to know that—did … did you smell me when I wasn’t looking?” Twilight’s face darkened and twisted into outrage. 

“Your paramour, meanwhile, exhibits none of the symptoms of a hangover, and the character of her scent tells me simply that she’s flown recently and had eggs for breakfast.”

Twilight looked at Rainbow’s plate, which had yet to be cleared from the table and was smeared with eggs. “Your observation skills are truly inspiring,” she spat. The strangling sounds next to her ceased, and she glanced over at Rainbow. Still out of sorts, her girlfriend had at least rediscovered how to breathe, albeit through gritted teeth and flared nostrils.

Taking a long drag from his pipe, Basil stooped forward against the table. “It is a trifling of a conclusion then that your evenings were spent separately, and considering what is evident happened during your evening, the common tragedy of modern day life is unfolding in front of me.” He leaned back, pushed his glasses up his muzzle, and reopened his menu. “I hope this has been illuminating for the both of you. No need to thank me.”

Rainbow threw a hay bale at him.

The strings holding it together exploded apart against Basil’s chest, and he bounced end over end before landing in a heap, sputtering and waggling his hooves for purchase as loose hay rained down around him. He pulled himself to his haunches and glared through his askew pince-nez at her. “I say, that was most uncalled for, madam. I am simply a bearer of the truth!”

“You get the hell out of here before you see how far I can chuck your ass!” Rainbow fumed, slamming her forelegs on the table.

Basil’s pupils shrank. He pulled himself up and brushed the bits of hay out of his mane. He cleared his throat. “Yes, I see. My revelations proved shocking, and it is quite understandable to react with vehemence. I shall partake my breakfast in some other establishment. One with a better atmosphere.” He picked his pipe off the ground and stuck it in his mouth, wrinkling his snout as he tried to puff it back to life.

Rainbow growled.

Basil started and danced back a half step. He cleared his throat again. “Right. Good day, sir and madams.” He sidestepped a second hay bale and dashed out to the road.

Heaving in deep breaths, Rainbow stood on top of the table holding a dirty plate over her head, prepared to toss it after him as he disappeared around a building. Twilight gaped, then scrambled up and grabbed her foreleg. “Rainbow, he got the message!”

“That skeevy jerk deserves it! I oughta—” She flinched and shot Twilight a wide-eyed look, then pulled her hoof away and scrambled back off the table. “I-I mean, uhh …” She coughed and cleared her throat.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. Rainbow wouldn’t look at her straight and jittered in place like her tail was on fire. Twilight stepped off the table. “It’s okay, Rainbow. I was pretty angry, too, you don’t need to be embarrassed.”

“Who’s embarrassed?” Rainbow snapped, catching her eye and then darting away again, cheeks red. “He just—I mean—jerk like that has a thrashing coming to him is all,” she blathered, backing away from Twilight in little steps.

Twilight grew more and more bewildered at Rainbow and struggled to find her voice. “Um … sure? You … you okay?”

“What? Yeah, I’m cool, totally cool.” Her eyes danced everywhere, before at last settling on looking up. “I gotta go.”

“Su—” Rainbow blasted off, leaving a fading trail of color where she’d stood “—re.” Twilight blinked and sat down.

Spike crept up next to her. “What was that about?”

“I …” She rubbed the side of her face and shrugged at him. “I don’t know. I’ll talk with her later, after she’s calmed down some.”

He nodded and looked to the sky off in the direction Rainbow had vanished. “I hope it’s nothing, because that was way funnier than this morning. I can’t believe she threw that at him! I can’t believe he said flagrante delicto!”

She huffed and crossed her forelegs. “And how do you know what that means, mister?”

His eyes widened. “Um, uh … context?”

“I’m taking away those comics.”

“Aww, no fair!”

She let a slow breath out through her snout and rubbed her face with both hooves. “We’ll debate the fairness later,” she grumbled, then stood up. “Sometime after I get back to the library. Which might not be today.”

Spike’s pout turned to a look of confusion. “What’s that mean?”

Twilight circled around the table, passing the waiter as he bobbed his mouth open and closed at the state Rainbow and Basil had left the café’s patio in. She squinted her eyes at a pile of pipe ash sprinkled on the mushroom top. “Rainbow made the joke that I was the one who wanted to be the detective. I was going to tell her that she was wrong.” She scooped the ashes up in her magic and peered at them. “Unfortunately, I’m afraid that today I have to be.”

“… If I get the laundry done by myself, can I keep my comics?”

Twilight sighed and slumped. She dropped the ashes back on the table and shot Spike a glare.

“Right, we’ll get to it later.” He grinned at her with a hopeful and imploring look in his eyes.

“Put the returns away, too, and we’ll talk.”

He let out a breath and wiped his forehead in relief. “You got it, Twilight. I am on it. So what’re you gonna do?”

“First stop is Fluttershy’s, I th—” The waiter bumped her and she eeped.

“My apologies,” he mouthed around the broom handle. “Just cleaning up.” He circled around the pile of hay he was gathering, and for his part didn’t glare at her.

Twilight grimaced. “… First stop is leaving a better tip,” she said under her breath, pulling the check closer. “Anyway, Spike, I can’t afford to wait for Fluttershy to get back to me anymore, I have to chase down the lead on my own.”

He walked back to the table and watched her correct the totals, then double underline ‘mental trauma’ on her receipt. “What lead?”

“It might be nothing still.” She offered the waiter an apologetic smile and stepped out of his way as he gathered up the dishes. “If my suspicions are correct, it’s just a little piece of the puzzle, not the answer.” She stopped in the street for a moment, since she and Spike were going in opposite directions. “I’ll hopefully have a new lead to follow from there, and if not I’ll start over somewhere else.”

“That sounds complicated.”

“It’s just how you need to go about solving a mystery. Lots of looking and finding little things. It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.”

He raised an eyebrow. “… All right, then.”

She giggled. “I’ll let you know more when I see you next. Don’t goof off too much while I’m not there.”

Grinning, he elbowed her in the chest. “But I can goof off a little, right?”

She rolled her eyes.

“I’m kidding! Have fun, Twilight.”

She waved him off, then turned and headed down the street towards the other end of town, aiming for Fluttershy’s cottage. The road grew crowded in a hurry as whatever gathering had formed dispersed. All the ponies she weaved through looked as annoyed as she felt. No way she’d have fun picking up after the esteemed detective, and yet she found herself smiling. “The game is ahoof,” she muttered to herself.




> Chapter 3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight knocked on the cottage door. She shifted her weight from one side to the other as she waited, and resisted the urge to glance inside through a window. Fluttershy’s yard was as lively as it always was, with birds flitting between birdhouses and critters scurrying along the ground, but the house itself looked dark and empty. Twilight shifted her weight again and grumbled. It wasn’t like Fluttershy would have lights on in the middle of the day, anyway. “Hope she’s not out back,” she said, and raised her hoof.

The top half of the door creaked open and bumped into her hoof, finishing the knock for her and shutting the door again. Fluttershy eeped from the other side.

“Sorry, sorry.” Twilight cleared her throat. “It’s just me.”

The upper door popped open. “It’s okay, it was my fault.” Fluttershy peeked over the door and looked down the road. She relaxed with a sigh. “I’m still a little … um … on edge, I guess.” She smiled and opened the bottom. “Come in.”

“Thanks.” Twilight stepped inside and dodged a pair of chipmunks racing each other out into the yard. “I was—”

“I thought you might come check on me. I’m okay, Twilight, really. I mean … I did answer the door.” She shook her head and sighed with self-defeat, then smiled. “I know, I’m a little bit of a mess sometimes. I appreciate the thought anyway. It’s nice to know you worried.”

“I wasn’t …” Twilight snapped her mouth shut and pressed her lips together. “Yes, I did want to make sure you’re okay. I thought you would be, but it never hurts to check, right?” She grinned.

“You’re always so thoughtful. Do you want some tea? I was getting ready to put a kettle on.”

Twilight rubbed her forehead and followed Fluttershy over to the kitchen. “Sure, I’d take some tea. Just a cup, though. I’ve already had too much coffee.”

Fluttershy giggled and nodded. “In that case, I’ll make you mint tea. Make yourself at home. It’ll just take a minute.”

Twilight sat at Fluttershy’s table and watched her friend crank up the burner. She drummed her hoof on the floor, a little out of impatience, but mostly from the caffeine. Somewhere between a minute and an eternity passed, and she was served a steaming cup with a tea bag steeping. Fluttershy sat down opposite her and smiled. “There we go.”

“Thanks.” Twilight forced a smile and bobbed the tea bag.

“So how’s the rest of your morning been?” Fluttershy sighed. “After that start, I’ve tried to keep mine … quiet.”

“It was … Rainbow and I had another run in with Basil at breakfast.”

Fluttershy’s hoof slipped, and her cup clattered in its saucer. “Oh dear. D-did he …?”

Twilight huffed and shook her head. “It wasn’t too bad. It was directed at me and Rainbow this time, so nopony was hurt by it … well, that’s not true. Rainbow threw a bale of hay at his head.” Twilight hid the beginnings of a grin, while Fluttershy’s jaw dropped open.

“Oh goodness. I hope he’s okay.”

Twilight forced herself to not roll her eyes. “He was fine, just a little shaken up.”

“That’s good, I wouldn’t want anypony getting hurt over something silly.” She pulled the bag out of her cup and set it on the saucer. “He did say something silly, right? He … he didn’t just … um … say wrong things about just me, did he?”

Twilight removed her own tea bag and took a sip. The mint felt soothing on her head. She’d need to be careful how much of it she drank—knowing her luck she’d probably fall asleep against Fluttershy’s wall. “He told Rainbow that I cheated on her last night.”

Fluttershy choked on her tea.

“And he told me that Rainbow’s going to propose soon.” She shook her head and sipped her cup. “It was a ‘great tragedy’ or something.”

Fluttershy patted her chest and forced a breath. “That must have been awful for you.”

Twilight shrugged. “It was kind of annoying, but didn’t really bother me. He just doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” She smirked. “He thought Rainbow leaving her mug on the table was a clear indication that she’s planning on marrying me.”

“I didn’t mean about that. I mean, I know Rainbow would never, ever believe you’d cheat on her, but …”

“Seeing as Rainbow and I, uh …” Twilight cleared her throat. “Rainbow knew exactly where I was last night, so there was no reason for me to be embarrassed. To be honest … I’m a little surprised that Rainbow didn’t find it funny.”

Fluttershy frowned and took a long drink from her teacup. “I guess that a lot of ponies don’t like it when they hear mean things about their partners.”

“I guess. It really upset her, though.” Twilight also frowned and tapped the edge of the saucer. “Much more than I’d expect. She got really weird after he left and flew away without talking to me about it.”

“Hmm.” Fluttershy rubbed her cheek, staring into her tea. “It … does seem like it’s something she’d laugh at. Especially since you two … um …” She blushed. “Anyway, maybe … maybe it wasn’t about that?”

Twilight shrugged and took another sip. “I don’t know what else it could be about. I admit I got a little angry about the accusation myself, so I can’t really blame her for getting angry, too. And the proposal thing is just so strange the only reaction that makes sense is to be confused.” Twilight’s jaw went slack. “Unless … you … you don’t think Rainbow was actually thinking about proposing, do you?”

Trembling, Fluttershy busied herself with her tea for a moment. “Um. She hasn’t mentioned anything about it to me, but … I’m not sure she would.” She cleared her throat and looked out the window. “I’ve known Rainbow a long time now, and she’s not … really … good at sharing things like that.”

Twilight sighed, then chuckled. “Well, that certainly hasn’t changed from dating her.” She drained half her cup and leaned back. “It doesn’t make any sense, though. We haven’t been dating that long yet. Just … nine months.” She raised her eyebrows. “Wow, has it really been that long?”

Fluttershy smiled. “It was a busy winter.”

“I guess so. That’s still a little fast for an engagement … isn’t it?”

“Um.” Fluttershy’s smile strained and she shrugged. “I don’t know? I … think it depends on the ponies. My parents got married the same year they met.”

Twilight rubbed her cheek and looked away. She felt like her coffee jitters were back. At least the tea wouldn’t put her to sleep. “I just … Rainbow doesn’t really seem like the marrying type. At least not yet. It seems like something she’d only think about after she made it onto the Wonderbolts, if at all. It’s just too … serious for her.”

“I … I think a lot of Wonderbolts get married before joining.” Fluttershy scuffed her hooves on the table. “In Cloudsdale, there’s a … joke, I guess, about Bolt Wives or Bolt Husbands who stay at home while their partner goes all over Equestria, and … it’s kind of mean.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “I’d guess it’s similar to what Basil said about me today.” Fluttershy nodded. “Canterlot has a ‘joke’ like that about the Royal Guard.” She leaned her cheek on her hoof and frowned. “It still feels too serious for her. Rainbow’s so self-absor—err, free spirited.”

“She is.” Fluttershy finished her tea. “She also sticks close to ponies who are important to her.” Twilight stayed silent and stared off into space. “Um … how are things going with her? If you don’t mind me asking?”

“It’s been going well. We have a good time together. Lately it’s gotten kind of … serious.” Twilight’s frown deepened.

A silence stretched out in the kitchen, oppressive enough the critters in the house steered clear of the whole room. Fluttershy hid behind her mane. “Maybe she is planning on proposing.”

Twilight scrunched her eyes shut and rubbed her face. “Oh no. I … I said Basil was out of his mind to think she’d propose. If she was going to … I need to find her.” She pushed up from the table.

“Twilight, what?”

“I need to talk to her! Oh no, if I hurt her just because of Basil I’m gonna—”

Fluttershy leapt in front of her friend and held a hoof up. “Just wait a moment, please?”

“But I need to—” She grimaced and tried to step past Fluttershy, who slid back in the way. Fluttershy’s brows were drawn down with worry and her mouth was pressed in a thin line. “I need to …”

“Twilight, take a deep breath.” She put her hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “Getting upset won’t help anything, will it?”

Twilight paused and grit her teeth. She forced a slow breath. “No, you’re right. I already messed up fixing it right away. Rainbow’s still gonna be there to fix it later.” She closed her eyes and shook her head to clear it. “I’m so stupid. I was expecting everything Basil Bones would say to be a lie, and I hurt Rainbow.”

“You don’t know that, Twilight. You don’t know for sure she was planning to propose any more than you know she wasn’t.” She led Twilight back to the table and settled her down, then slid the cup of tea closer. “Let’s just talk about this. Are you sure you upset her, and not Basil?”

Twilight gulped down some of the tea and thought back over her morning. “I don’t know. I … she … it all happened at once. I can’t even say that it wasn’t over him accusing me of cheating on her.” She groaned and rubbed her forehead. “That doesn’t make sense, though. And even if Basil upset her, that could just mean that he spoiled her surprise.”

“If he did … I’m a little glad Rainbow threw a hay bale at him.” Fluttershy glared off into space, then started and cleared her throat, her cheeks rosy. “I mean, he wasn’t really hurt by it, so, um … anyway, if that’s what happened, she … probably won’t be upset at you.”

“Huh?”

“Well … she knew Basil said silly things already. Since you thought he was just doing that again, that means she’d still be able to surprise you.” She offered a hopeful smile.

“… Maybe. I’m not sure Rainbow thinks that far ahead about anything …” Twilight rubbed her mouth. “Throwing theories around doesn’t really do anything, anyway. What I need to do is find her and talk to her. If she was planning to propose, we’ll just have to deal with the surprise being spoiled, and we …” Twilight’s jaw went slack again. “Oh Celestia, Rainbow Dash might be planning to propose to me, what in Equestria am I going to say if she does?!”

Fluttershy squeaked. “Um … do you want to get mar—?”

“I don’t know! Who thinks about getting married?! Oh Luna, my brother got married, why have I not thought about getting married?!”

“Twilight …”

“This is a nightmare.” She hid her face in her hooves. “Am I supposed to say yes? I don’t want to say no, I don’t think, I’m really happy with her. I just haven’t made any plans for getting married! Is there an ‘ask me again in six months and we’ll see how I feel then’ choice? I think I have a book about engagement practices, maybe it—”

Fluttershy firmly cut her off. “Twilight.” Twilight snapped her jaw shut and grimaced. “Getting upset about this doesn’t help anything, either.”

Twilight closed her eyes and rubbed her face with both hooves. “You’re right, you’re right. I just …” She took a deep breath. “I need to think about this. When … if … whatever happens, I have time to figure out what I’ll say. Nopony’s demanding I answer right this minute.” She crumpled down against the table and groaned. “I didn’t ask for today.”

Fluttershy patted her head.

“I’m sorry, you’ve had a stressful enough time without me freaking out in your kitchen.”

“It’s okay. I’m a lot better at helping with these sorts of problems than … well, being called a … mare of the evening in the middle of town.” Twilight pulled herself back up, and she shared a smile with her friend. “Um. I’m not very good at relationship advice, though. I’m really sorry I don’t have anything that’s all that helpful.”

“I’ll figure something out. Rainbow and I are … were supposed to meet again at Applejack’s this afternoon. I’m not sure if she’ll actually be there now, but if I can figure something out before I go, I should be fine.” She forced a smile.

“I … what I want to say is ‘whatever you figure out will be fine,’ but I … don’t … know if that’s actually true.” Fluttershy winced and looked down at her empty cup. “… Do you want more tea?”

Twilight sighed. “No, thank you. And it’s okay you don’t have an easy answer for me. I don’t think anypony has easy answers for relationships.”

“I guess not.” Fluttershy let out a slow breath, then perked up. “You could maybe talk to Rarity about it. She might not have easy answers, but she does know a lot about relationships. She might know some ways you could answer that wouldn’t hurt Rainbow.”

Twilight frowned in thought and raised her eyebrows. “She might. That’s a good idea. I’ll have to go talk to her.”

Fluttershy smiled and stood up. Twilight followed her friend back to the living room and up to the door. “I hope everything works out okay, Twilight. You and Rainbow both seem really happy, and whatever you two decide to do together, I want the best for you both.”

“Thank you.” She gave Fluttershy a hug. “And thank you for talking me down. If I’d run off to find her all wound up and she did ask me to marry her, that would have ended much worse than however things go now.”

“You’re welcome.” She opened the door, letting the chipmunks back inside. “Have a good day. I hope Basil doesn’t cause any more trouble.”

Twilight froze mid-step. She sat down and buried her face in her hooves. “Oh no, I completely forgot why—um, the other reason I came to see you.” She groaned.

“Other reason?”

“I got so distracted with—nevermind.” She took another breath and smiled at Fluttershy. “About Basil Bones. Have you found out if any of the animals borrowed the tea set and forgot it at the fountain?”

“Oh. Um. I haven’t asked everyone yet.” She turned and glanced around the room, which chittered with activity. “A lot of the critters are outside for most of the day. And a lot are nocturnal and sleeping right now. No one’s said they borrowed it yet. Is … it really that important?” She turned back to Twilight and sagged her shoulders. “It doesn’t matter very much to me what really happened. I have the tea set back, and … and hopefully nopony thinks I’m really … I-I’d like to just forget about it, if that’s okay with you.”

Twilight nodded and stood up. “I understand that, Fluttershy, but … I think that something else might be going on here with Basil.” She clenched her jaw and narrowed her eyes. “One or two of your animals borrowing the dishes and forgetting them is a reasonable explanation, but … I have cause to doubt that as what really happened. If it didn’t happen, that narrows what else it could be, and when you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”

Fluttershy’s brow knit. “Um … that … makes sense, I guess …” She cleared her throat and looked around the room again. “If it’s really important, I can try and find everyone outside, and I can wake up the sleepyheads. It’ll probably take a little while to do all of that, though.”

Twilight nodded. “I understand. If you’re busy, it’s not such an emergency it can’t wait until you have time.”

“Oh, it’s not that.” Fluttershy smiled. “All my work is with the critters, so I can ask while I’m filling feeders and checking on everyone. I just don’t want to keep you waiting when you’re so busy.”

“Well, I can come back later, or …”

A soft thump on the stairs drew their attention to Angel, who wandered down, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Oh, how about I send Angel with a note once I know?” Angel stopped and glared at her. “Please don’t make that sour face at me, sweetie, you’d be helping me and Twilight. There’ll be an extra big carrot in it for you if you say yes.”

Twilight smirked as Angel crossed his forelegs over his chest. “When I see you, Angel, I’ll make sure to have a carrot for you, too.”

Angel raised an eyebrow and frowned, as if weighing his options. After a moment, he shrugged and hopped away.

Twilight turned to Fluttershy. “I … don’t know if that was a yes or not.”

“He’ll be there. I’ll try to let you know soon, okay?”

“Thanks again. I’ll get out of your mane and …” She turned to the door and sighed. “Figure out where I’m going next. This is more complicated than I thought it would be.” She rubbed her forehead and trudged outside.

“I hope everything goes well.”

“I do, too.” Twilight waved as Fluttershy shut the door behind her. She sighed again and slumped her shoulders. “Okay, step one, ask about Fluttershy’s animals, check. Step two … ugh, do I deal with Basil first, or try and figure out this other thing?” She grimaced and turned towards town. Out across the farmland to the south, she could just make out the dots of pegasi moving clouds into place. Her stomach jumped. “Okay, Rarity first.” She set off at a trot.





Rainbow Dash shoved the puff of cloud into place. She circled the mass, narrowing her eyes in concentration, then smacked an uneven spot with her tail. The lumpy pile of pony-sized clouds rumbled against each other for a moment, then clung together in a solid mass. Rainbow smirked and nodded.

Clear Skies flew down from a higher up patch of clouds. “Geeze, Rainbow Dash, you’re making us look bad.”

“Huh?” She cleared her throat. “I mean, I always make myself look good, but what’re you talking about?”

“I’m just teasing you.” She grinned and dropped onto the surface of Rainbow’s cloud. “I saw the scheduling this morning. Me and Sunshower set up the storm over Berry Punch’s vineyard for a noon storm, and then you got Applejack and Golden Harvest’s fields for the evening rains.” She glanced over the edge of the cloud, which was perfectly positioned over Sweet Apple Acre’s east orchard and Golden Harvest’s carrot patch, then lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Sunny’s jealous that you always get bigger jobs than anypony else on the team and she likes to say that you’re so lazy it’s a wonder anything gets done.”

Rainbow flattened her ears and grumbled.

“But then you show up while we’re still working and get your job done before we’re even finished. That shut her up something fierce.” Clear Skies giggled. “You’re making us look super bad, Rainbow.”

Rainbow smirked and shook her head. “I am pretty great at this. But I wasn’t trying to show you up. Or Sunshower.” She looked up at the neighboring cloud and caught a glance of Sunshower glaring at her before disappearing up top. “Though maybe I should’ve.”

“If I thought you were, I’d still be up there with Sunny and staring daggers at you.” Clear Skies giggled again. “If I had to guess why you showed up early, I’d say you’ve got plans for the evening and were getting this out of the way.” She nudged Rainbow’s shoulder with her knee. “I know I’m hoping to get done in time to see who Basil Bones pisses off next.”

Rainbow narrowed her eyes and glowered in the direction of town square. “I’d be cool with never seeing that jerk again.”

Clear Skies raised an eyebrow. “Wh—oh, right, Fluttershy’s a friend of yours. Sorry, I guess it’s really not that funny.”

“What? Oh, no, that was hilarious, he’s just … nevermind.” She coughed and shuffled her hooves together. “I just got my work done now so I wouldn’t … uhh, I wanted something to do?” She grimaced. “Sorry if I’m sounding weird, I’m in kind of a bad mood.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you. I’ll get back to work.” She lifted off the cloud.

“No, it’s not that, I just …” She sighed and watched Clear Skies beat wings back to Sunshower. Sunshower jetted around, trying to get their cloud to stick together right and breathing hard from the exertion. Rainbow took some grim satisfaction in the puffs that refused to stay in place, then shook her head and frowned. She didn’t mean to scare Skies off. Talking to her meant Rainbow didn’t have to think about stuff. She lifted back up on her wings and circled her cloud again. It hadn’t drifted off target, and the mass stayed together in a cohesive blob. A perfect crop cloud, like something out of a weather control textbook. No mistakes meant no need to fix anything, though. Dammit. She had nothing to do instead of thinking.

“Howdy, Dash!” Applejack shouted from the ground. “Ya want a cider?”

“Oh, thank Luna,” Rainbow breathed, then darted down towards the farm. Applejack’s cart and supplies leaned up against some trees, with Applejack leaning up alongside them. She grinned and held up a frothy mug from the shade. Rainbow clattered to the ground and lunged for it, but pulled back at the last second. “… This isn’t a hard one, right? Last thing I need is to get drunk right now.”

“Li’l early for hooch, Dash.”

“Okay, good.” She snatched it away and downed half of it. “Oh, yeah, that hits the spot.” She slumped onto her haunches.

Applejack chuckled and shook her head.

Rainbow took a smaller mouthful and savored the taste. “Mmm.” She swallowed. “Thanks, AJ, this is the best … wait a minute, it’s not cider season.” She narrowed her eyes and glared inside the mug. “What’s the deal? Where’d this stuff come from?”

Rolling her eyes, Applejack picked up her own mug and took a sip. “It ain’t like we need special fall apples for cider, Dash. Cider season’s just when we got enough a crop lyin’ around it makes sense to press some of ‘em.”

“Makes sense? Making cider always makes sense.”

“Makes business sense, featherhead. It don’t stop us from pressin’ small batches every once in a while for us.” She took another sip.

Rainbow pouted at the suds clinging to the bottom of her mug. Cider never lasted long enough. “How come this is the first I’ve heard you got cider I could be drinking all the time?”

Applejack sighed. “Not ‘all the time,’ and it’s ‘cause this is the first I’ve caught you bustin’ your hump gettin’ your work done early for no reason, and thought ya deserved somethin’ sweet to show it’s appreciated. Should’a known that’d be a mistake.”

“Mistake? This is the best thing ever. If I’d known I’d get cider for getting your clouds done early, I’d be doing it all the time.”

She rubbed her forehead. “Then you wouldn’t be workin’ hard for no reason, would ya? I ain’t payin’ you in cider, Dash. You oughta be gettin’ it done early without expectin’ a dang thing.”

Rainbow crinkled her muzzle. “You know that whole catching more flies with honey instead of vinegar thing, right?”

“To tell ya the truth, vinegar’ll get more flies on it than honey will, it’s bees that like honey.” Rainbow blinked and Applejack smirked. “Try it sometime, leave out a little’a both and see which the flies’ll go for. Vinegar every time. But don’t come complainin’ to me when your house is overrun with flies.”

“Ugh, you sound like Twil …” Rainbow flexed her jaw, and let out a slow breath. She set her mug on the ground. “Thanks for the cider, AJ, it was awesome.”

Applejack gave her a piercing look. “You’re welcome. Now tell me what’s eatin’ you.”

“What? I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t everything be fine? Back off, nothing’s wrong.” Rainbow bit her lip and looked away.

“… How silly’a me to think you’re actin’ like a lunatic.” She took a longer sip. “Gettin’ your chores done fast so you don’t gotta think, huh?”

“No.”

“And I betcha Twi’s gonna come ‘round when you’d normally be doin’ this, and you don’t wanna be here for that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think ya do.” Applejack narrowed her eyes and leaned in to stare Rainbow down. Rainbow pressed her mouth in a thin line. “… Yep, I’m right, somethin’ happened.”

“Nothing happened!” Rainbow crossed her forelegs over her chest and huffed. “Jeeze, I already told you everything’s fine, I was just … uh … Sunshower’s been all uppity calling me lazy behind my back.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh.”

“So I was making her look bad …” Rainbow grimaced. “Okay, fine, that happened, but it wasn’t on purpose. Look, everything’s fine, I moved your dumb clouds so your dumb trees can get their dumb rain on time, that’s all that’s important, stop looking at me like that.”

Applejack chuckled and held a hoof up in surrender. “You don’t wanna talk about it, it ain’t like I can force it outta you. I’ll leave you be.”

“Okay.” Rainbow breathed out. “Good.”

“I’ll just ask Twi when she comes by.”

“No!” Rainbow leapt up and clapped her hooves over her mouth at the same time. She came close to tumbling onto her face, but sprung her wings open and managed to just thump back on her butt. Applejack smirked. “Um, I mean …” She cleared her throat. “AJ, this is none of your business. This is between me and Twi.”

For a moment, Applejack narrowed her eyes again and studied Rainbow’s face. “All right, I’m buttin’ out.”

Rainbow raised her brows. “Really?”

“Don’t sound like you went and messed somethin’ up, which might not be any’a my business, but you got a way of breakin’ everything around you tryin’ to fix mistakes and if somepony’s gotta talk some sense into that thick skull of yours, I might as well try. Whatever’s goin’ on really ain’t none of my business, sounds like.”

Rainbow grumbled and looked away.

“Don’t act like you ain’t a bull in a china shop.” Applejack chuckled again. “Still. I reckon somepony else said somethin’ to set ya off and you’ll get it figured out without me pryin’. Gotta be that if it ain’t somethin’ that you broke and it ain’t somethin’ Twilight did—” Applejack snapped her jaw shut and frowned. “… I’m assumin’ it ain’t something she did, ‘cause I’d think you’d be fallin’ over yourself to complain to me about it. But that’d be if it’s something that ain’t that bad …”

Rainbow glowered and opened her wings. “You said you were butting out, so butt out, AJ.” She leapt into the air and hovered in place. “And leave Twi alone about it, too.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Fine, fine, whatever, Dash. I’m just—”

“Being nosy.” She stuck her tongue out at her friend. “Don’t you have work you could be doing?”

Applejack shook her head and swept up Rainbow’s mug. “If I didn’t know no better, I’d guess Basil Bones messin’ with Fluttershy’s what’s got ya tuned up.” She turned back towards the farmhouse.

Rainbow landed with a clatter and slumped. “Ugh, why does everypony bring that guy up?”

Applejack paused and looked back at Rainbow with an eyebrow raised. “… Really? Callin’ Fluttershy a hooker don’t tickle my fancy, but everypony else thinks it’s funny.”

Rainbow smirked despite herself. “Of course you don’t think it’s funny, your sense of humor’s broken.” She cleared her throat. “Dude’s a total jerk anyway. You just watch it if he shows up—”

“Ah, a cultivated grove of Malus domestica, I surmise this must be the economic backbone of a town like Ponyville, and the proprietor must be …”

Rainbow turned her head and locked eyes with Basil Bones as he sauntered up the road.

“You!” they both hissed.

Applejack looked from Rainbow to the new arrival, then chuckled. “Speak of the devil, I guess. Howdy there, welcome to Sweet Apple A—”

“Are you following me around, you weirdo? Didn’t sneak a good enough whiff off my girlfriend?” Rainbow growled.

Applejack stammered and took a step back. “Dash, what—”

“Like I would want anything to do with violent ruffians who don’t know how to handle the truth.”

Applejack took another step back. “Whoa, what—”

“Truth! Gimme a break, you hack!” Rainbow bared down and flashed her teeth. “Still don’t know how far I can throw you, but I bet it’s far enough to break something.” Basil’s eyes widened and he shrunk away, sliding his spectacles up his muzzle.

“Now hold on just a minute!” Applejack hollered, leaping between them. “I ain’t havin’ nopony wander on my farm and start yellin’ at no friends of mine, and I ain’t havin’ no friends of mine threatenin’ a guest!”

Rainbow sneered past Applejack at Basil and straightened back up. “I was just leaving, anyway. Something started stinking around here.” She spread her wings and flew upwards. She thought of her cloud house, hovering out above the open fields on the opposite end of town in the farthest spot she could get from that jerk without leaving Ponyville. She crinkled her muzzle and aimed herself in that direction.

Basil’s voice drifted up to her as she left. “Thank you, madam, I appreciate your—”

“Don’t you be thankin’ me yet, I got a bone to pick with you, callin’ my friend a hooker.”

Rainbow slowed down and hovered in place. Leaving now might mean missing something good. Quietly, she turned and landed on her cloud and peered over the edge.

Basil had regained his usual poise and looked askance at Applejack. Rainbow was far enough away she didn’t hear, but she knew he’d just done that annoying ‘hmn?’ thing.

“Don’t act like ya don’t know, that bit’a news spread all over town. Fluttershy’s the farthest thing Ponyville’s got from a hooker.”

“Nonsense. It’s perfectly logical that somepony of that profession might be surreptitious about it, even with her friends, but her poise, reticence, and grooming betrays the truth, and what’s more the detection of treated water and masonry sealed the solution of her trifle.”

“Truth my left hoof. That mare’s so shy she’s scared of her own shadow, let alone the shadow of some stallion with a sack of bits.” Applejack stepped forward, getting in Basil’s face and making him shrink back again. Rainbow grinned. Definitely would’ve missed something good.

“Utter nonsense. The only other explanation would be that she’s a former model who still holds that grace and bearing, and who now works with a large variety of animals, as animals would also bring her into regular contact with stone dust and water treatments. But that explanation is so far-fetched as to be dismissed immediately.” He chuckled indulgently. “A former model working with animals. Preposterous. Whoever heard of such a thing?”

Rainbow slapped her forehead and groaned, then covered her mouth and made sure neither of them heard her. She sighed and resettled on the cloud when neither of them looked up.

“I think I heard just about enough outta you, so unless you got some business on my farm, I suggest you track down Fluttershy and apologize for sayin’ such crass stuff about her before I’ll share one more word with you about anything.”

“Hmmph. As a matter of fact, I did have business to conduct, as it was quite impossible for me to not notice that the size and scope of your cultivation quite outmatches that of Ponyville’s necessities. The abundance is quite wasteful, I’m sure, so I think it would behoove you to—”

“Partner with a fella who helps with distribution across the surroundin’ cities?” Applejack deadpanned. “Fella’s name is Filthy Rich.”

“Ah, of course, but during the autumn the abundance must—”

“Mean it’s good business to press some of our bumper crop and sell cider? Yeah, we do that, too. And before you mention it, I already know that the grove over yonder is a Zap Apple grove which ain’t great for eatin’ but makes some darn fantastic jam. Anythin’ else you wanna tell me about runnin’ the business I been runnin’ all my life that’s been here longer’n you been alive?”

“Damn,” Rainbow muttered to herself. “I’m gonna owe AJ a cider.”

Basil cleared his throat. “Well, ahem, I see why such an inordinately small town with an otherwise eclectic population and disparate community has been so prosperous. Unless you have any trifling puzzles, I do believe I have business to attend to elsewhere.” He stepped back towards the road.

Applejack turned away from him. “If I did, I’d ask somepony who had a clue what they were doin’, seein’ as how well ya got a handle on Fluttershy. And it’s clear to me that whatever the heck you said to Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle’s so dang wrong it probably is funny lookin’ back on it.”

Basil paused, and glared over his shoulder at Applejack. “I admit that I … may have failed to take the active nature of the typical pegasus’ metabolism into account. Such an error casts light on the flaws in my summation of events pertaining to … Twilight, did you say?” He straightened his spectacles. “But I assure you, when it comes to that Rainbow ruffian, my conclusions are one hundred percent accurate.”

Rainbow’s stomach soured. She glared down at him from her cloud, then leapt into the air and flew away before she could hear any more. Going back to her home no longer sounded like that great of a plan. She needed somewhere to lay low. Maybe there was a rock she could hide under.





> Chapter 4
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why isn’t Rarity home?” Twilight whined, thumping her hooves on the door of Carousel Boutique. She grimaced and sunk to her haunches. Her friend’s home looked normal and inviting at her approach, but after knocking three times she noticed the curtains were drawn. Either Rarity had somepony in a back room to take measurements or she wasn’t there, and after knocking another six times the latter seemed more likely.

Twilight groaned and thumped her head against the door. “Darn it, where’d she go?”

“Canterlot,” Sweetie Belle chimed.

Twilight eeped and whipped around, finding Sweetie standing directly behind her. Sweetie grinned. Twilight cleared her throat and shook her head. “Oh, Sweetie Belle. You surprised me.”

“Oops. So why’re you looking for Rarity?”

Twilight cleared her throat again. “I wanted to ask her advice about … some things. Doesn’t matter, if she’s in Canterlot …”

“Yeah,” Sweetie Belle sighed. “She was supposed to show me how to make doll patterns today. She said she’d be back tomorrow, though. Something about really cool fabric in Canterlot she had to get.”

Twilight smiled. “Sounds like Rarity. Well, thank you for telling me, Sweetie.” She looked over her shoulder at the boutique and folded her ears flat. “I guess I have to wait for tomorrow, too.”

“You’re welcome! Now, if only I can find—”

“Make way!” Scootaloo shouted. Sweetie and Twilight looked up the hill to see Scootaloo in her scooter, pulling a cart with Apple Bloom riding inside. Or maybe the cart was pulling Scootaloo. It teetered back and forth behind the scooter with violent swings, dragging the two of them all over the grass.

Twilight’s eyes widened and she pressed herself up against Rarity’s door. Sweetie let out a yipe and dove next to Twilight. Scootaloo slammed her hooves into the path and grit her teeth, grinding the scooter to a halt. The cart disagreed, swung a wide arc a bare inch from Twilight’s chest, and flipped over. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom spilled out on the ground as the cart and scooter went end over end past Rarity’s house and hitched up against a tree.

Twilight let out a long breath, feeling her heartbeat in her ears. “Are you girls okay?”

Apple Bloom sat up and shook sense back into her head. “I’m all right.”

“Oof,” Scootaloo groaned. She pulled herself up. “That … was awesome.”

Apple Bloom shot her a glare. “You’re nuttier’n a fruitcake.”

“Duh. That’s why all the stuff I do is so cool.”

Twilight smirked and rubbed her forehead. “I’m glad nopony’s hurt.”

Sweetie stepped away from the safety of the wall and nuzzled Scootaloo’s cheek. “Why were you pulling it? I thought for sure you and AB would walk it over.”

Scootaloo stepped out of the nuzzle and swept a hoof through her mane. “Walking’s boring.” She cleared her throat and shot Twilight a sidelong glance, then darted to the spilled cart. “I didn’t know it’d ride like that though. It was only missing one little wheel.”

Twilight raised a brow. The red wagon, which Twilight suspected had seen better days back in Applejack’s youth, lay up with both axles off the ground. Three wheels still spun in the air, but the fourth spot sat empty. She rubbed her eye and shook her head.

Sweetie scoffed and rolled her eyes. “You’re crazy.” She turned to Apple Bloom. “And you’re extra crazy for riding in that thing.”

Apple Bloom opened her mouth and pointed a hoof at Sweetie, paused, then bowed her head. “Yeah, I got nothin’. The thing was rollin’ okay when I pulled it, didn’t think it’d be that bad.” She stood up and dusted herself off. “I ain’t gonna do that again, no way. So’d ya find it?”

Sweetie shook her head. “I haven’t really looked yet. I was talking to Twilight. Plus I wasn’t expecting you to get here for a few minutes since sane ponies would walk over.” She looked over her shoulder at Scootaloo as she stressed ‘sane,’ then turned back towards Rarity’s house. “I don’t think it’s outside, though. Unless—Twilight, you didn’t see a wheel anywhere, did you?”

Twilight shook her head, then stepped back from the door. “Not that I noticed. I take it you lost one somewhere?”

Scootaloo brought her scooter back to standing and dragged the cart upright. “Yeah. It’s really weird. It had all four the other day when we left it at the treehouse, but today one was just gone.”

Apple Bloom huffed. “A danged wheel don’t up and run away, it must’ve fallen off somewhere ‘n we didn’t notice.”

“I would notice,” Scootaloo grumbled.

“We looked all over the treehouse,” Sweetie said, “but we didn’t find anything.”

Scootaloo giggled. “Oh, come on, we found lots of stuff.”

Apple Bloom gave her a flat look, then turned it on Sweetie Belle. “Y’all need to pick up after yourselves better.”

“We didn’t find anything that was a wheel for the wagon.” Sweetie rubbed her chin in thought. “I bet it’s somewhere in Scoots’ yard.”

“Why my yard?”

“Because nopony ever cuts your grass.”

“Hey! I do! Sometimes …”

Apple Bloom sniggered. “Might find a whole lost treasure in there.”

Scootaloo grumbled and scuffed her hooves on the path. “Well, we’re here already, might as well check first. Maybe Rarity found it somewhere and put it away.” She turned towards the door. “I mean … if we’re not getting in your way, Twilight.”

Twilight chuckled and shook her head. “I was look—”

“She was looking for my sister for advice,” Sweetie cut in, “but Rarity’s in Canterlot.”

“Ooh, what kind of advice? Can we help?” Scootaloo grinned at Twilight. Twilight folded her ears flat. “I wonder if we can get cutie marks helping ponies somehow.”

Apple Bloom frowned. “Helpin’ ponies? Like, with an advice column or somethin’? That sounds boring.”

Sweetie shrugged. “Maybe we’d be good at it. It’s worth trying.” She grinned expectantly at Twilight. Apple Bloom shrugged and joined in with her own smile.

Twilight swallowed the lump in her throat as she was stared down by the three fillies. “Uh … That … that’s okay, girls. I wouldn’t want to keep you from looking for that wheel.” She forced a grin to match them.

“Wheel, shmeel,” Scootaloo said. “We’ll find it around here somewhere, it can wait. So what’s up?”

Sweetie nodded. “Yeah, from the way you were knocking it looked like it was really important.”

Twilight clenched her jaw and looked out the corner of her vision for a way out. A flash of green on the top of the hill hit her with a wave of relief for a split second, but when she turned to look her stomach sank. “Oh no, not now,” she muttered.

Basil Bones strode confidently down the path, over the grooves of sod torn up by the runaway wagon, making his way towards town. He had his pipe out in front of his face, suspended in magic, and tamped down the bowl as he walked.

The three fillies swiveled to follow Twilight’s gaze. Scoots bounced in place. “Oh, wow, that’s that Basil Bones guy, isn’t it? Maybe he can help us find—”

Twilight grit her teeth and opened her mouth to interrupt, but Basil stopped to regard the group, pipe back in mouth. “A precocious group of young mares are in need of my service, I see.” A spark flashed and a curl of smoke rose from the pipe bowl. “What trifle plagues you—wait, don’t tell me.”

Basil slid over to the scooter and wagon, and the three followed. Twilight felt a mixture of relief and annoyance. “This is just what today needed.” She lifted a hoof, ready to take advantage of the exit that had opened up, but held still and frowned. She sat down again and watched Basil closely. “What is your game?” she muttered.





Rainbow Dash darted from one cloud to another, paused, and craned her neck to scan the ground. She grumbled to herself over how crowded Ponyville could be, but through the sea of ponies she couldn’t see much purple. She flew to the next bit of cover and hopped her way around the outskirts of town. With one last burst of speed she plowed across an open stretch of sky and clattered onto the balcony.

She cast a look down at the road, let out a sigh, and sat on her haunches with a satisfied smirk. Any other day, Golden Oaks Library would be the worst place to try and avoid Twilight Sparkle. She congratulated herself for being so amazingly clever, popped open the door, and sauntered into Twilight’s bedroom. It was the perfect plan, and she could get a nap in, too. She flew up to the loft and pumped a hoof. “Aw, yeah!”

Spike called out in surprise, flinging comics everywhere, and tumbled out of his basket. “I’m working, I swear!”

Rainbow grit her teeth and rubbed her forehead. “Right. Spike’s here,” she muttered to herself, then raised her voice. “It’s just me, Spike, you can go back to slacking.”

Spike looked up from stuffing comics under his blanket—what she could see of the covers looked like some of Crank Thriller’s more violent titles—and gave her a guilty smile. “Oh, Rainbow Dash. I thought you were … right.” He cleared his throat. “I was … getting to the laundry.” He yanked his blanket free and scattered the floor again.

“Relax, dude, I’m not checking on you.” She ran a hoof through her mane and scanned the room, looking for something to catch her eye. “I just came here to … um …”

Spike let the blanket fall to the floor as she grasped at straws. “… Are you avoiding Twilight?”

“What? No! I just …” She laid her ears flat. The darn room was too clean and organized for anything to come to mind aside from reading, which didn’t sound like it would fly. Her eyes widened and she hid a smirk. “Basil Bones! Twi said that Basil’s all famous and stuff, and there’re a ton of newspaper articles about him. Libraries have old newspapers, right?”

“Well yeah, we got a big archive of ‘em in the basement.” Spike rubbed his chin and drew his brows together. “Twilight send you to look for something in particular?”

“No. I thought of it on my own. Because …” She shifted weight from one hoof to another. “Because, like, this guy’s supposed to be awesome at figuring stuff out, and then when we meet him, he sucks. That’s weird, right? So, like, maybe looking at stuff about him in a newspaper might help us figure out what’s going on.” As she said it, it sounded like a really good idea. She straightened up and smiled at her own cleverness.

Spike shrugged. “Maybe. If you think it’s worth a shot, I can help you find a few.” He walked to the stairs and waited for Rainbow.

“Thanks, Spike. I’ll help you get the laundry together after.” She followed him downstairs, to the bottom loft, but he stopped and groaned. “What?”

“I wasn’t thinking. The newspapers are all organized by dates, and I dunno what we’d be looking for. Do you know the last time he did anything?”

“I didn’t know who he was until this morning.”

Spike tapped his chin and grimaced. “We could probably find something, but it might take a while. Like, a long while. There are a lot of newspapers, and we don’t have those fancy magical projector rolls that the Canterlot library has, we’ve just got boxes full of folded up paper.”

Rainbow’s ears fell and she sighed. “Dang. That sounds … super boring. Nevermind, I guess, I don’t wanna spend all day digging through moldy old boxes.”

“They’re not moldy. More dusty.” He shrugged and turned back towards the stairs, then stopped in his tracks and snapped his claws. “Oh, I have an idea. Didn’t Basil just do something recently?”

“Beats me.”

“C’mon.” He reversed direction and hurried down to the main floor of the library.

Rainbow lifted off the ground and hovered behind him, past the big central room and into the kitchen. “What’re we doing?”

“The archive’s really full and we’d be looking forever, but I swear I remember seeing a big, front page article about something or other Basil did about a week ago.” He opened one of the pantries and cleared off a large box on the bottom shelf, then grabbed it and heaved, dragging it out to the middle of the floor. “This is where we put the newer issues before Twilight moves them to the basement.” He flipped it open.

Rainbow peered over the lid at a grainy photo of Princess Celestia, sitting at some fancy dinner thing and laughing with a guard. Beneath her, the headline declared, ‘Princess Celestia’s Secret and Forbidden Tryst.’ Rainbow smirked and rolled her eyes.

“If I’m right, we should find at least one thing in here about Basil, and I swear it was a front page article.”

Rainbow grinned and sat down on the other side of it from Spike. “Okay, cool, that doesn’t sound too bad.” They dug through the box, Spike carefully checking and then smoothing issues back into a tidy pile next to him and Rainbow flopping hers out like she was getting ready to paint the ceiling. Halfway down the box, Rainbow came face to face with Basil, looking around half a decade younger and with a much longer mane, giving her a smug look. “Sweet! That was easy. Thanks, Spike!”

“You’re welcome!” He grabbed his stack and slid it back into the box, then turned to grab Rainbow’s, which wasn’t so much a stack as an avalanche. “...You know the archive’s so somepony can read these if they need to, right?”

“Um … right.” She coughed and set the Basil issue on the table, then helped Spike repack the box.

Spike slid it back away in the pantry, wiped his brow, and drooped his shoulders. “Ugh, I should probably do my chores now.”

“Psh, screw that, go read comics.” She returned to the issue on the kitchen table. The headline read, ‘Bold Burglary Bested by Basil Bones.’ The article’s author was listed as Basil himself. She folded her ears flat. “Ugh. This is why I don’t read newspapers.”

Spike looked at the headline, grinned, and shook his head. “Oh, yeah, it did have a dumb name. Anyway, lemme know if you need more help, Rainbow. Check for the dates of other stuff he did, that’ll make looking through the archive easier.”

Groaning, Rainbow shook her head. “If this one doesn’t help I’m not gonna look for more.” He chuckled and headed out of the room while she started in on the article.

I preface with an apology for the lack of correspondence with you, dear reader, as it has been a frightfully long few weeks since last I could share of my travels, and wish to jump into the retelling without delay. To begin, allow me to paint in vivid detail the setting of my arrival in the vibrant city of Trottingham. In such modern times of expedience and commerce, it has become expected for most ponies to prefer travel by train, but long-time vigilant readers of mine will be well acquainted with my soft spot for carriages, and it was by—

“Oh, Luna, kill me,” Rainbow moaned. She skipped down four or five paragraphs to the last one before the article cut off, but he was still blathering about cobblestones and the architecture of some dumb museum, so she flipped forward a few pages to where it picked up again.

It was then I made my presence known to the constabulary as they stood flummoxed at the empty jewel case. I was met with a mixture of gratitude and annoyance, a concoction I’ve come to expect and even rely upon when going about my methods. Aggression fuels the pony’s mind with a desire to prove themselves superior, or at least refute inferiority, and gratitude loosens their tongues. Speaking charitably, they seek either resolution to that which plagues them, or to if nothing else provide me enough rope with which to hang myself. I am counting on this.

“Geeze, dude, shut up, you’re worse than Hercules Yoke.” Rainbow glared at the article. “Get to the good stuff.” Her skimming slowed down when at last he began detailing the burglary itself, a priceless griffin statuette carved by claw and given to some rich pony as a wedding gift way back before the princesses or even Discord were around. The cops couldn’t figure it out, because the case had a magical seal that made it impossible to open. Whoever cast the spell—some great-great-great-blah, blah, blah-great granddaughter of the original owner—was the only pony who could undo it, but the statue went missing anyway. And the owner couldn’t have stolen it, because it went missing while she was at some fancy dinner party. Rainbow frowned and nodded in appreciation. She’d read that book, it sounded cool.

And here, gentle reader, we arrive at the turn. I have outlined the scene as it had presented itself to the constabulary, but to truly understand the solution I must elucidate the details which could only be uncovered by one such as me. First, upon close inspection of the case, an outline in dust of the missing statuette’s base could be discerned on the platform. A brief inspection of other items proved to be free of such dust, many of them in similarly warded cases. Second, after factoring out the typical odors of a museum, as well as the overpowering lily water cologne the chief inspector applied to himself, my olfactory senses detected the faint trace of expended magic on the air—magic different from the spell used to maintain the lock. Third, Mademoiselle Idle Riche struck me as peculiar, in both her bearing and her choice of words, towards the members of the constabulary present, and myself as well. A certain openness and suggestibility not normally observed among mares in her station.

Rainbow smirked. “C’mon, Baz, call her a hooker.”

As openness is not a truly remarkable character affectation, upon further scrutiny, it became clear to me that her adornments were either fabrics of excellent vintage that were growing threadbare, or were newer but of inferior manufacture. These observations defined her character, an upper-class noble who has fallen upon a dearth of liquid assets and forced to maintain appearances in as inexpensive a manner as possible, and her affectation posits the cause squarely at the hooves of a vice that strikes the upper and lower class alike. Gambling. While this might now explain the motivation of the crime, and deliver to us the perpetrator, the method remains obscured, as Mademoiselle Riche had already been ruled out as a suspect. Or perhaps not. The most astute among you might pause within your reading to formulate your own hypothesis now, as has become a tradition within my correspondences. The pieces have all been put into play.

The article cut off to a later page again. “Time travel!” Rainbow blurted out, slamming her hooves on the table. “That Idle Riche lady went to her stupid dinner thing, then traveled back in time and stole it when nopony was looking!” She fluttered her wings and flopped back in the chair, then ruffled through the pages for the next part of the article.

Pencils down, most esteemed reader, it is now that I shall endeavor to transcribe my speech to those present verbatim and reveal the solution to our paradoxical puzzle, though concessions must be made in regards to exact words and cadence; hoof-held recording devices are strictly forbidden within the Trottingham Museum of Antiquities.

“Well, my good members of the constabulary, you, as they say, have been had. I shall reveal the location of the missing griffin, as indeed the griffin is within this very room. Chief inspector, to walk through my thought process, first we must accept that it is axiomatic that the locking spell was neither fooled, nor removed and replaced afterwards. We accept this because the spell was in fact disabled by Mademoiselle Riche at your inquest today, were a replacement spell placed, it could only be removed by the caster. We must also accept that Mademoiselle Riche was not present to disable the spell and remove the statuette herself, considering the score of witnesses placing her at the charity banquet for lost colts. As these two facts are immiscible, there can only be one conclusion. That theft never occurred at all!”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Wha? That’s dumb. It’s not in the magical case thingie.” She frowned and read on.

I was met with protestations of confusion and disbelief, protestations you, most cherished reader, may feel yourself. I called for silence and insisted a search be performed of Mademoiselle Idle Riche’s belongings, and there among her imitation bags lay the griffin statue.

You, caring reader, might also be wondering if I have lost my faculties to have insisted a theft never occurred only to uncover the thief in the same breath, but allow us to review the facts. The Lock-Tight spell is well renowned as unbreakable without a calamitous effect, and while not impossible for a skilled enough practitioner of the arcane to devise a new method, such a feat would be remarkably unusual, and we do not work in a realm of remarkability. Mundanity rules the world of trifles, and to assume such an event has occurred when a more rational explanation is at hoof is to behave foolishly. The detected presence of an additional spell and the gathered dust, likely attracted by the slight electrical discharge of low level magical frequencies, could very well be evidence pointing to the engineering of a new safe-breaking spell.

But it could also be evidence of a time-delayed invisibility charm. In considering the nature of the dust itself, which had gathered at such a time as the statuette was still within the case, the evidence becomes overwhelming. Such a spell was placed at a time when Miss Idle Riche had access but no alibi, and set to activate when she had an alibi but no access. A theft without a theft. Then, when the constabulary came to bear upon the crime, the Lock-Tight spell confirmed as active and non-tampered, and her alibi accepted, she could lower the defense and pocket the invisible statue quietly while her witnesses were distracted by the theft apparent. A simple sleight-of-hoof confidence game trick, hidden inside the illusion of a magical crime of the century. A perfect crime, save for the telltale dust-motes, resulting in a baffling puzzle for some, but a mere trifle for me. Had luck been more benevolent, I would not have happened upon such a trifle as it unfolded and miss Riche would be counting her insurance money, with her family heirloom safely hidden away for a time.

And at that thrilling conclusion, I bid you adieu until next time, most effervescent reader. Stay vigilant.

—Basil Bones.

Rainbow noticed she was grinning, and scowled. Stupid Basil Bones making himself sound cool. He totally screwed up the pacing, but that book would have been great, and she half wanted to dig back through the box of newspapers to find more mini detective stories to read.

“This doesn’t make sense,” she grumbled. “If he’s really this awesome, why’s he so bad at it now?” She flipped back to the front page and looked at the photo again. He’d put on a few years since it had been taken, and gotten a severe manecut that didn’t help, but there was no mistaking him. It wasn’t like the guy running around Ponyville could just be a lookalike. “Maybe something happened to him and he got messed up?” She squinted at the inset photo of a mare being led away in hoofcuffs, raised her brows, and jumped down to the note beneath the photo. She flexed her jaw and scowled. “… Or maybe he’s always been like this,” she hissed. She rolled the paper up and stuck it under her wing.

Spike lurched into the kitchen, wobbling back and forth under a mountain of sheets, blankets, curtains, and the odd piece of clothing or saddlebag. “Gang way, Rainbow Dash, I can’t see anything.”

“That just makes me wanna trip you,” she teased as she gave him a wide berth. “Need help? I said I would.”

“Nah, this is all of it, just need to—” The pile swayed and Spike bumped into a cabinet to keep everything from tumbling to the floor. “… Okay, would you mind getting the tub out?”

She chuckled and she dragged the laundry basin from a closet to the middle of the floor for him. He sighed in relief and dumped the wad of fabric inside. “Whew, thanks.”

She shrugged. “Got tired of reading comics, huh?”

“I wish. It’s just getting close to when Twilight usually checks on me, and if you weren’t here to do it, that means she will.” He glared and crossed his arms over his chest. “She never trusts me to get my chores done. So I just make sure I’m in the middle of something when she shows up.”

Rainbow swallowed the lump in her throat. “… Twi’s gonna be here soon?”

“Probably. She always checks on me.”

“… I gotta go. I—” She snapped her jaw shut, then whipped the newspaper out from under her wing. “I got some stuff about Basil I gotta check on! It might help us figure out what’s up. When you see Twi, tell her … um …”

Spike smirked. “That you weren’t here?” She looked at him sidelong and he raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not asking what it’s about, but c’mon, it’s really obvious.”

“Um …” She cleared her throat and pawed the floor. “Just … I need time to … If you wanna put some of your comics with my stuff, I’ll make sure Twi can’t throw ‘em away.”

“You so weren’t here I’ve never seen you before.”

She forced a grin and ruffled the frill on top of his head. A clock chimed somewhere upstairs and her hackles raised. “Gotta go. See ya, Spike.”

Before he could say goodbye, she raced up the stairs and back on the balcony, then whipped through the air to land on a cloud. She scanned the ground, let out a sigh of relief, and flopped onto her back. After a moment she unfolded the paper and glared at the quote. “Okay, Rainbow Dash, how do we prove it?” She rolled back over and watched Ponyville from above, looking for a hint of green or a short, white mane.




> Chapter 5
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Mmm. Yes, I see, most unfortunate.” Basil puffed at his pipe. “I can tell by the stance of your wagon that it is missing a wheel. What’s more, I can surmise based on the state of the wagon itself that your utilization is quite exuberant, yet the other wheels, bearings, and axles are kept in exceptional condition.”

Scootaloo leaned over to Sweetie Belle and asked in a stage whisper, “Is he saying real words?” Sweetie nodded once, paused, then shrugged. Twilight smirked.

Basil stooped, took a long drag before letting out a cloud of smoke, then removed the pipe from his mouth and used the stem to point at one of the wheels. “As you can see, despite the rather copious amount of soil and sod on the treads of the wheels, the fittings are all freshly cleaned and tightened.” He stuck the pipe in the corner of his mouth and straightened. “Therefore, little madams, it is of remote chance that a wheel would fall off due to rigorous use, considering this state. Or rather, were it to happen as a result of such use, it would be excessively unlikely that you would fail to notice it.” He chuckled to himself and waited a beat for a reaction.

Apple Bloom scratched her head. Twilight bit her lip.

“… That is to say, it would have been the result of a crash and you would noti—nevermind, moving along.” He cleared his throat and slipped to the other side of the cart. “Yes, as suspected the threads are immaculate and accounted for. If the wheel came loose by happenstance, it could only happen as a direct effect of a loose bolt, which, as we’ve previously established, is logically improbable when the maintenance standards are taken into account. Are we all following?”

Another moment of silence passed. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom turned to Sweetie Belle. “… Um.” She cleared her throat. “He said that since the wheel thingie isn’t broken, it had to have fallen off because something was loose, but that you keep the wheels in too good of shape for …” She looked at Twilight for a second, searching for confirmation. Twilight smiled and gave a tiny nod of reassurance. “… For it to have happened just from not paying attention?”

“Oh.” Scootaloo rubbed her forehead. “Duh.”

Apple Bloom huffed. “Ya sure ya didn’t forget to give it a good look sometime in the last couple’a days? Might’a gotten loose ‘n nopony noticed.”

“Yeah, AB, I’m sure.”

“It ain’t your fault if that happened, we’re all supposed to be takin’ care of our stuff.”

She frowned and crossed her forelegs over her chest. “I’m sure. I don’t check the wheels because I have to, I do it because it goes way faster if I do. Also working on that stuff’s fun.”

Twilight’s smirk fell as she listened to the bickering, and she brought her eyebrows together. While Basil’s argument might in fact have been ‘duh’ as far as Scootaloo was concerned, it wasn’t unremarkable. She couldn’t discount the possibility that Basil had overheard the fillies’ conversation about their missing wheel before he showed up, but that seemed unlikely. She had seen his approach, which would be difficult to hide in the part of Ponyville Rarity lived in, and the fillies had been badgering her about personal problems at the time. No, it made more sense that he genuinely figured everything out through observation. For that to be true, it meant he had a great amount of skill, but that itself didn’t make any sense.

Scootaloo huffed and turned back towards the wagon. “Okay, so, what’s the point? The wheel fell off for no reason, we already knew that.”

“Ah, but clearly there was a reason, young madam. Everything has a reason, whether apparent or obfuscated by factors not immediately discernible.”

Scootaloo glanced at Sweetie. Sweetie swallowed and glanced at Twilight. Twilight smiled and shook her head. “They’re fillies, Basil.”

“Hmn?” He raised an eyebrow, and regarded Twilight for a half second before his eyes widened. “Oh, uh, miss … Twilight, I believe? I failed to notice …” He coughed and turned so his back faced the tree. “Your, uh, paramour isn’t present currently, is she?”

Twilight stared at him. So much for him being observant.

He looked fitfully around the barren path and the few tent homes dotting the outskirts of town. “A-ah, we seem to be … ahem, nevermind, moving along.” He straightened and puffed his pipe back to a steady curl of smoke. “I take it my choice of vocabulary can prove challenging. To rephrase, everything has a reason, little madams, whether you can see that reason at a glance or it’s hidden by events or circumstances that aren’t yet obvious without investigation.”

“Okay,” Apple Bloom said. “So why’d the wheel fall off?”

“Ah, but it’s clear the wheel didn’t fall off.” He gestured with a flourish. “When factoring in the state of upkeep and the lack of climactic stressor events, we are left with only one rational possibility.” He grinned. “The wheel was intentionally removed.”

Apple Bloom gave Scootaloo a piercing look. “You said you let it alone.”

“Me?! I didn’t touch the stupid wheel!”

“If somepony’s gonna be yankin’ wheels off the dang wagon, it’d be you, Scoots.”

“Well, I didn’t!” She stuck out her lip and turned to Sweetie Belle. “You believe me, right?”

Sweetie blinked. “Y … yes?”

“See?”

“Well, course she believes you, she’s always takin’ your side.”

“Oh, c’mon!” Sweetie glared. “Scoots always keeps that stuff working, she does it so well Mister Basil knew she did just by looking. If she says she didn’t take the wheel off, she didn’t take the wheel off. It’s not like she bumped her head yesterday or something.”

“Yeah! I mean, I did bump my head, that ramp was really steep, but still!”

“Not helping,” Sweetie grumbled.

“Um, little madams, what I mean is … that is to say …” Basil adjusted his glasses and sighed. Twilight chuckled.

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I’m just sayin’. If we’re goin’ with somepony takin’ the wheel off, who else’d do it? But fine, I ain’t tryin’ to say you’re lyin’, Scoots, I believe you.” Scootaloo straightened up again and nodded. Apple Bloom rubbed her chin. “So if you didn’t take it off, and I didn’t, ‘cause I promise I didn’t, did you take it off, Sweetie?”

Sweetie raised her eyebrows. “Me? Why would I do it?”

Scootaloo took in a breath, but Apple Bloom raised a hoof in a relent, cutting her off. “I ain’t accusin’ you of nothin’. Just askin’.”

“No. I … wouldn’t know how, even if I wanted to.” She looked sidelong at Scootaloo, her cheeks coloring. Scootaloo smiled and pretended not to notice.

“That’s what I was gettin’ at in the first place, none of us took it off.” She turned back to Basil. “So it can’t be that, Mister Basil.”

Basil had taken to staring deeply at his pipe and jumped where he stood when he heard his name. He coughed. “Oh, but you see, if we oblige to take your answers at face value, the only perpetrators who have been ruled out are the three of you. Somepony else who had access could very well have purloined the wheel.”

“Pur …” Apple Bloom looked to Twilight.

“It means stolen.”

“Oh. Stolen?” She exchanged a quizzical look with her friends for a moment. “Why the heck would somepony steal a wagon wheel? That don’t make more sense.”

Basil shrugged. “Surely theft, even seemingly inconsequential thefts, can occur with occasional frequency.”

“Not in Ponyville,” Sweetie said.

“Oh, but everypony thinks their town is above such things, but it still—”

Scootaloo rubbed the side of her head. “But everypony in town knows each other, you’d know who stole what in, like, a day.”

Apple Bloom frowned. “There was that time Rainbow Dash took that book from the hospital.”

“Yeah, which everypony found out about in, like, a day. Plus she was acting really weird about everything when that happened.”

“I’m just sayin’ it ain’t crazy to think somepony might steal somethin’ from somepony else here.”

Basil nodded. “Precisely, it’s—”

“It’s just dumb.” She gave him a flat look.

“Yeah,” Scootaloo agreed. “It is dumb.” Basil scoffed and nearly dropped his pipe. She turned to Sweetie Belle. “Maybe your sister took it off? I know she hates dirty things, maybe it was muddy or something and she wanted to clean it.”

“I don’t think so, even if that might happen, why would she only take off one?”

Basil cleared his throat. “Now, young madams, there is the possibility of—”

Scootaloo turned to Apple Bloom and talked over him. “Any chance your sister borrowed it? Maybe a wheel on her wagon broke and she forgot to tell you. I wouldn’t blame her, if she needed it to get her work done.”

“Nah, they got different sized wheels. I still think it’s gonna be in your yard.” She grabbed the handle to the wagon and led it away from the tree. “Might not’a fallen off, but maybe somepony took it off to look at somethin’ and dropped it? Let’s go check.”

“Ugh, fine, and if you’re right, I promise I’ll mow the grass.” Scootaloo took her scooter and followed after. Sweetie Belle offered Basil and Twilight strained smiles, then hurried to keep up with her friends.

“If it ain’t there, I’ll mow it.” The three went around a tent and disappeared towards the center of town.

Basil sighed and puffed at his pipe. “Ah, the … exuberance of youth.” He cleared his throat and looked at Twilight from the corner of his eye. “I take your continued presence signifies a desire to speak to me.”

“Um …”

“Before you do, I feel it’s worth stating that upon further reflection, taking into account the nature of pegasus metabolic rates and your paramour’s … physicality and aggressive nature, my suppositions surrounding your evenings may have been … flawed.” She saw his jaw flex, and he straightened with his muzzle held up. “There was no intention of offense. And while a detective makes no apologies for following the evidence or presenting accusations where such evidence leads, perhaps in this instance … internal and external factors …” he trailed off to mumbles.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. She stood up and turned to face him straight on. “That’s not much of an apology.”

“… I am unaccustomed …” He straightened his glasses and busied his attention with his pipe, refilling the bowl. “Taking into account your lack of involvement in manners pressing to me, it could be a, ah, wise consideration, and coupled with what I can surmise of your character, it is possibly a necessary consideration as well.”

Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “You must forgive me for not having much faith in your ability to surmise anything about me.” He frowned at her, then sighed and turned away. An impulse struck her and she continued. “I might be wrong and misjudged you the same way you misjudged me. Tell me what you think you can figure out about me, and I’ll consider accepting your apology.”

As if she flipped a switch, Basil fell back into his confident bearing, jamming his pipe back in his mouth. He used the momentum of his turn to begin pacing instead of leaving. “Very well. While there is not a high degree of regional accent in the majority of Ponyville—a key factor of this being its recent growth—I can surmise that you are a recent arrival, owing to the combination of a number of factors, such as your choice of words, the character of your metropolitan and multicultural accent, and the nature of your bearing and body language. These factors suggest you originate from either Canterlot or one of the larger unicorn boroughs of Manehattan. You are also a scholar, this is clear from every angle, from your personal aesthetic, to the way you interact with others, to your cutie mark. It is additionally indicated by your effortless understanding of my method of speech.”

“… Your vocabulary isn’t that complex,” she muttered.

“Were this all there was to determine, it still would be a valuable course of action to assure you as an ally of sorts; scholars are excellent sources of local lore and history for exposing deeper causal relationships that would appear clouded to an outside observer. But upon further digging, more details surface.”

Twilight cocked her head to the side and focused. Basil’s observations again held both truth and insight, though she admitted she probably wasn’t a difficult target to read.

“To complete said digging, we must follow the clues to their logical origin. Your lack of a regal bearing or affectation suggests to me you hail from Manehattan originally. One of the less affluent neighborhoods of Canterlot would also be congruous, but I suspect Manehattan as the more likely choice. Your cutie mark represents an aptitude with raw magic, an ability that crosses class lines and could propel you into academia despite a lack of affluence, but upon crossing those class lines a hunger for approval and wealth propels most into a more thrill-seeking vocation, rather than the academia-focused pursuit of theoretical study.”

Pressing her mouth into a thin line, Twilight held her tongue. As long as he was the one digging, he could dig his own hole, and the deeper he dug the clearer a picture she could have of his skill.

“So thus far we have the portrait of a filly from a well-to-do family who comes into a talent and appreciation of unicorn magic. She is given the best schooling available, most likely at our Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, a fact that further contextualizes the evidence of a connection to Canterlot.” He tapped the stem of the pipe against his chin and nodded in appreciation. “Yes, that seems most fitting. She likely excelled in her studies, and …” He paused and scrutinized her closely. Twilight noticed his nostrils flare. “And did commendably in practical demonstrations, too, judging by the subtle odor of ozone on you, an often unnoticeable byproduct of high level magic users.” He frowned. “Though it is perhaps equally likely that such odors could come as a transference, considering your paramour’s occupation.”

He puffed his pipe and cocked his head. “Hmn. As your cutie mark most closely implies power, I’ll hazard that if you didn’t excel at practicals, it was solely as a result of difficulty controlling and harnessing your natural strength. Yes, yes that appears to be an accurate explanation. A young mare with lots of promise and resources is sent to the premier school for exploring that promise, where she excels academically, but struggles in actual application due to her abundance of strength proving difficult to control.”

He nodded and fell back into pacing. “As such a mare ended up as a scholar in such a town as Ponyville—where ‘scholar’ is most logically synonymous with ‘librarian,’ I would submit—it stands to reason that academia proved infeasible in the long run. She likely got far, but not into the expected career path of either a professorial position or that of a local wizard, and thus was forced into a lesser career path where study could continue within her abilities. Such a pony, despite her shortcomings, would prove a keen ally for reasons cited previously, though a full understanding of local lore would naturally be called into question, considering the relative unfamiliarity with the locale compared to a pony born and raised there. In addition, her understanding of magical theory would prove useful in more complicated pursuits, and would suggest a sharp mind for appreciating impressive deductions. Deductions such as this one.” He flashed a smile and stopped pacing, standing straight and proud in front of her.

“Mm,” Twilight said, her ears flat. “You’re … not very good at talking to ponies, are you?”

“Hmn?”

She sighed, stood up, and fell into pacing. “They weren’t bad guesses, but you say that I’m probably not from Canterlot, because I don’t care a lot about the, uh, royal culture there, which would mean if I was from Canterlot, I must be from a lower-class family.”

“Correct, which is evident because—”

“What if I came from a recognized house, but just don’t personally care about regality?”

Basil drew his brows together and frowned. “I suppose that could be an explanation, but most ponies in that position don’t—”

“Most ponies might care about that sort of thing, but that doesn’t mean I or anyone else must care about them. The truth is, I’m from Canterlot, and from an upper-class family.”

“Hmn. Surprising, though it would be reductive of me to say it’s truly unheard of. A number of the more ancillary upper-class members have more pedestrian leanings … no offense.” He cleared his throat.

“Pedestrian or not, I’m not from an ‘ancillary’ family.”

“I simply meant one of the houses without a crest or titled posi—”

“I’m from a royal house, actually.”

“Ah. Um. Well—”

“Being able to quickly observe and make deductions about how I behave doesn’t mean you can really know who I am, which is why I said you don’t know how to talk to ponies.”

He cleared his throat and adjusted his spectacles. “I … suppose when submitting the most likely answer given the evidence that there are occasions where less likely answers end up being the truth.”

“It doesn’t help you when your ‘most likely’ answers resort to stereotyping.” Twilight took a deep breath and turned to pace again. “Additionally, you came to the conclusion that I must have a lot of raw magical ability, and made a reasonable assumption that it was large enough that I had difficulty controlling it in school. Your conclusion is that I then struggled and failed, leading me here.” She paused a beat to let him stumble over himself if he wanted, but he wisely kept silent. She turned to face him directly. “I’m just going to ignore the fact that you’re assuming nopony might want to live in a town like Ponyville and could only end up stuck here, which would undermine your argument that I must have failed out of school eventually. Which I didn’t do, I excelled at school and am continuing my upper education in Ponyville, while serving as—yes—the librarian.”

“Ah. I sup—”

“But as I said, I’m going to ignore that for a moment, because ignoring it dismisses the supposition that I struggled in school out of hoof. It actually is true that I struggled, but … what if a teacher took notice of my strength and saw it as something in need of special attention? A teacher like … Princess Celestia herself?”

Basil’s pipe fell out of his mouth. “Oh goodness gracious, Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle, I didn’t recognize … I … Please excuse me.” Cheeks coloring, Basil swept up his pipe and took off even faster than when he was dodging hay bales, heading off in the same direction as the cutie mark crusaders.

Twilight grinned with more malicious satisfaction than she was comfortable admitting.

She turned towards the door to Carousel Boutique, let her smile fall, and sighed. “Ugh, that didn’t answer anything. I have no leads on Basil, and I have no idea what I’m going to say if Rainbow shows—”

“Hey, Rarity!” Rainbow Dash’s voice echoed from overhead. “Did Basil say a bunch of stupid st—” She flew into view and locked eyes with Twilight. Her teeth clicked shut and she jerked in midair, crumpling a roll of paper she held in the crook of her leg.

Twilight folded her ears back and locked her face in a neutral mask. “Oh Celestia, not now,” she murmured.

Rainbow jerked again and lilted to the side, as if she stopped herself from blazing back the way she came, then closed her wings and landed harder than she normally would. She stumbled into a nonchalant strut. “Oh, um, h-hey, Twi, I was …” She scratched the back of her head and trailed off into mumbles.

“Following Basil?” Twilight offered, a bit faster and brighter than she meant. “He was just here.”

“Y-yeah, I saw him running, and …” Her eyes darted around the open path, then she flinched and unfurled the paper in Twilight’s face. “This article! I was checking on something from this article!”

Twilight saw the headline, which she remembered reading and grumbling over the alliteration a few weeks before, and raised her ears. “You were reading old Basil Bones articles for ideas about what might be going on? That’s really clever!”

“What? Oh, yeah, I’m super clever.” She cleared her throat and angled the newspaper so she could see the front page, too. “You read this?”

“A couple weeks ago, something about an invisibility spell, right?”

“Yeah, Lady Moneypants or whatever made it look like her statue thing got stolen with one of those, then took it when the cops had her open the case.” She shook her head. “That’s not the important part, read this quote.”

Twilight looked to the section Rainbow was crinkling with her hoof. “‘I was framed,’ claims disgraced debutante Idle Riche. ‘I’ve never seen that statue before in my life.’” Twilight’s smile fell to a flat line. “… Um.”

“Yeah, yeah, she’s dumb as a bag of breezies to say that, but that’s it, isn’t it? Basil Bones is framing ponies! I bet he took Fluttershy’s dumb tea set thing, stuck it in the fountain, and then made a big show out of finding it to look cool!” Rainbow crumpled the newspaper up and stuck out her chest.

Twilight looked at the wad Rainbow tossed on the ground. “… That was the archive copy, wasn’t it?”

“… Um.” Rainbow coughed. “Anyway, it makes sense, right? He’s so bad at his whole detectiving thing but still solves stuff because he knows the answer before he starts, and then just makes up a bunch of junk that makes his answer sound like it sorta makes sense.”

Twilight offered a smile and put her hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder. “It is a good idea, Rainbow, it’s what I was thinking at first. It’s why I wanted to know if one of Fluttershy’s animals really did forget the set at the fountain.”

Rainbow eyed the hoof on her shoulder, and Twilight could see the muscles in her girlfriend’s jaw flexing. She felt a pang of unease and almost pulled her hoof back, but Rainbow sidestepped into it and hugged her around the shoulders. “I get it, if none of them did, that means it must’ve been Basil who took it.”

Rainbow stepped back from the hug and put some distance between them, but Twilight breathed a sigh of relief anyway. The air of awkwardness had broken, at least a little. “Well, it doesn’t mean he had to be the one who took it, it just means he could be.” She shifted her weight from one hoof to another and grimaced. “However, I’m … not as sure he’s really as bad as he made himself look.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “But … he, like, really sucks at this.”

“Sort of.” She turned and looked at the tree. “When he was here earlier, I was observing him try to solve something for the cutie mark crusaders, and then again when he was guessing stuff about me.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes and huffed. “Oh, great, was he trying to figure out who it was you slept with last night?”

Twilight chuckled and shook her head. “He half apologized about that and said he wasn’t taking your metabolism into account.” Rainbow gave her a blank look. “He didn’t notice you were hungover, because pegasi recover from hangovers better than unicorns do, so he made a bad call. But that wasn’t the main thing.”

Rainbow straightened and frowned. “You mean he was right this time?”

“Not entirely, but the observations he made were solid. He could tell looking at Scootaloo’s scooter and the wagon the others ride in that Scootaloo takes really good care of the wheels. He figured out a lot of things about how it works and what must have happened for them to lose a wheel just by looking.”

“Big deal, you don’t have to know much about mechanical stuff to figure that out, I bet. Scoots takes good care of her scooter.”

“Sure, but the point is he wasn’t as wrong as he was on … some of the other stuff.” She cleared her throat and continued quickly. “But after the kids left, he tried to make a bunch of guesses about my past, and that’s where I really figured it all out.”

Rainbow’s brow knit. “Okay. So what’s the big secret?”

“He’s really very good at making observations. He could tell I had to be from either Canterlot or Manehattan originally, that I went to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, that I struggled to control my magic when I was younger, and that I’m the librarian in town now. That’s not something to just shrug off and say he was lucky.”

Her frown deepened and she nodded. “Yeah, that’s … pretty damn good, really. Sounds like something Auguste Dumane could do.”

“But from those observations, he decided I must’ve been either from Manehatten or a poor family, that I dropped out, and that I’m stuck here because there wasn’t a better job I could take.”

“What?” Rainbow scowled. “I should fly him up somewhere high and drop him.”

Twilight smirked. “That’s his problem, he constantly assumes the worst about ponies, thinks stereotypes are good enough to be facts, and ends up misjudging ponies a lot. He’s not bad at his job, he’s just bad at figuring other ponies out.” Her smile fell, and she smoothed out the newspaper on the ground. “Idle Riche was just saying whatever she could to try and sound innocent here, but I’d bet Basil was completely wrong about her motivations for the theft.”

“He said she’s got a gambling problem or something.” Rainbow tapped her chin. “Which he said because she had some cheap clothes and was … nice, I guess? Kinda flirty with the cops? He didn’t really explain that part.”

“Probably because it was based on assumptions that wouldn’t explain it any better, either.” She sighed. “He can figure out crimes and what happened in a situation, but when it comes to the ponies doing those things, he’s just kind of a jerk.”

Rainbow furrowed her brow and rubbed her mouth. “I guess that makes sense …” She straightened up. “Wait. It makes sense for Idle Riche, and even for, like, the … stuff … at breakfast …” She shook her head. “But not for Fluttershy. He guessed the fountain because he said she smelled like water and stone dust, or whatever, and I overheard him talking to Applejack earlier, where he said that she would’ve smelled like that if she worked with a lot of animals.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “You overheard him talking to Applejack?”

“Yeah, I was … nevermind that, I was in the neighborhood.” She looked away.

Twilight shifted her weight again. “Okay. So he said that the odor might have come from something else, that just supports the explanation that he’s bad at reading ponies well.”

“Yeah, but that smell was why he thought the dishes were in the fountain! If him reading ponies badly is all that’s going on, why were they actually there?”

Twilight opened her mouth, then shut it again. “… Huh.”

“See?”

“You’re right.” She rubbed her chin and grimaced. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“But it does make sense if they’re both true!” Rainbow said, eyes widening. She closed the gap and grabbed Twilight by the shoulders. “What if he spied on Fluttershy, like, last night or something, made a bunch of bad guesses about her, then made up the theft to fit in with his dumb guesses?”

“Maybe.” She crinkled her muzzle. “Except if he was spying on her last night, he would’ve seen her taking care of animals instead of … entertaining stallions.” Rainbow sniggered. Twilight rolled her eyes and pressed on. “Also, we have to remember that he smelled water and stone on her and came to conclusions based on that.”

“Well, he could’ve just made that up.”

“But why would he make that up, and then decide later that it could mean she worked with animals?”

“It—” Rainbow paused with her mouth open for a moment, then dropped back to all fours. “Uh … heck if I know.”

“Ugh, this doesn’t make any sense.” Twilight rubbed her face. “We’re missing something.” Twilight felt a tap at her leg, squeaked, jumped, and came muzzle to muzzle with Angel. “Oh! Hi, Angel.” Angel gave her a satisfied grin and shoved a sheet of parchment in her face. She took it and unfolded it. “Fluttershy got back to me, Rainbow.”

“Ooh, what’s it say?” She pushed against Twilight’s side to get a look.

Twilight cleared her throat and bumped Rainbow back. “It says, ‘Twilight, I finished asking all the critters, and they all promised me that they didn’t take the tea set, even when I told them they wouldn’t get in trouble if they did and that it was very important they told the truth. The thing that worries me is when I asked Francesca the bat, she said she saw a shadow in the kitchen last night. She thought it was either me or one of the other critters and went out to find food, but I slept through the night. I hope you can figure out what’s going on. I’m a little scared someone or something broke into my house now. Let me know what you find out as soon as you can. Or as soon as it’s convenient for you, I’m okay, don’t worry about me.’”

Angel stamped his foot impatiently and jabbed Twilight in the fetlock.

She jumped again and looked down. “Oh. Um … I’m sorry, Angel, I haven’t had a chance to go to the market yet. I’ll bring you a carrot later this afternoon, okay?”

The bunny glowered with his ears hanging down, gave Twilight an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture, and hopped away.

“Basil must’ve broken into Fluttershy’s!” Rainbow hissed. “That proves it! I’m flying him to Cloudsdale and dropping him.”

Twilight sighed and looked over the letter again. “That might be what happened, but it’s not proof. It … might be enough to mean it’s time for phase two, though.”

“What’s phase two?”

She narrowed her eyes as she folded up the letter. “We set a trap for him.”

“… Awesome.”




> Chapter 6
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Rainbow and Twilight crested a hill, they heard Scootaloo’s voice in the distance. “—ust saying, is if ponies were meant to cut grass with stupid freaking lawn mowers, why’d they make grass seeds so delicious?”

They shared a glance and Rainbow smirked. She lifted off the ground and flew upwards.

“That isn’t how this works, Scoots,” Sweetie grumbled as she used her magic to push wads of grass down flat. Twilight craned her neck and could just make out Sweetie, working her way through one half of Scootaloo’s jungle of a yard. Twilight spotted Apple Bloom and Scootaloo on the other side.

Apple Bloom shrugged and dropped down into the grass. “She’s got a point, Sweetie, they are pretty dang good.” She popped back up chewing a mouthful. “F’nd ‘nother b’ll!” She tossed a soccer ball free. It bounced on the sidewalk and vanished into Sweetie’s side of the yard.

Sweetie grumbled and shook her head. “Still isn’t how it works.” Twilight watched her peer up over the lawn at the others before munching on one of the taller stalks.

Twilight got to the front of the yard. It looked even worse up close. She sighed and shook her head. Scootaloo glanced up, dropped her ears, and gave Twilight a chagrined smile. Twilight gave her a sly one in return. “The others weren’t kidding, huh?”

“I was gonna get to it.”

As Rainbow landed, the others perked up and fought their way back to the sidewalk. “Hi, Twilight!” Sweetie chimed. “What’re you—oh, that’s right, we were gonna help you with something before Mister Basil showed up!”

As they crowded in, Rainbow raised an eyebrow and looked sidelong at her girlfriend. Twilight met the look, but didn’t say anything, and forced a grin back at the fillies. “Actually, girls, we’re here to help you out.”

“Huh?” Apple Bloom scratched her head.

“We are?” Rainbow asked.

Twilight gave Rainbow a flat look, grumbled, and rubbed her forehead. “Yes. We are.”

Rainbow turned to the girls and shrugged.

“Uhh, thanks, I guess,” Scootaloo muttered as she rubbed the back of her neck. “But we don’t need help with anything. We’re just looking for that dumb wheel.”

Twilight exhaled sharply, then forced a slower breath. “Yes, Scootaloo, that’s what we’re here to help with.” Scootaloo opened her mouth to object, but Twilight kept going. “I’m sure you don’t actually need our help, but we have a theory, and the first step to test it is finding that wheel.”

“You got a theory?” Apple Bloom asked. “A theory ‘bout what?”

“Well, you see—”

“About that Basil guy!” Rainbow announced, puffing out her chest. Twilight narrowed her eyes and flicked an ear. “You guys met him, right? He’s a total fraud!”

“A fraud?” Sweetie said, her eyes wide.

“Rainbow …” Twilight warned under her breath, just loud enough for Rainbow to hear. Rainbow raised an eyebrow.

Scootaloo pursed her lips and tapped her chin. “Is he really? He seemed okay to me.”

“Is—” Apple Bloom started.

“We don’t know anything for sure,” Twilight cut in. “He might be, though. And we’re trying to find out if he is.”

Scootaloo scratched the side of her head, raising an eyebrow. “And … our wheel can help …?” She looked to Rainbow.

Rainbow shrugged. “Don’t look at me. I dunno.”

Twilight sighed. “Yes. It can.” She cleared her throat and straightened. “What we’re doing is—”

“I thought we were gonna set a trap.”

Twilight’s mouth snapped shut and she folded her ears back, her right eye twitching. “Yes, Rainbow, that’s what we’re doing.”

“So how—”

“We’re testing the theory that Basil Bones has been setting up mysteries to then pretend to solve, and when I last saw him he was attempting to help find Scootaloo’s missing wagon wheel. Therefore it stands to reason …”

As Twilight trailed off, Rainbow stared off into space. Twilight waited expectantly. After a moment, something clicked and Rainbow started, then bit her lip. “Um … that … it’s something that he took?” Twilight grinned and nodded. Rainbow puffed out her chest.

Scootaloo scowled. “You mean Mister Basil stole my wheel!?”

Twilight shrugged, letting her expression fall back to neutral. “Well … he might have, but we don’t know for sure. That’s what we’re trying to figure out.”

Rainbow nodded. “Yeah, because if we find it first, we’ll ruin his chance to pretend to find it and make him look bad!”

Twilight’s eye twitched again, and she shook her head. “No, not exactly. We’re not trying to make him look bad, we’re trying to catch him.”

Rainbow frowned and rubbed her neck. “How’re we gonna do that, anyway?”

“Well—”

“Ooh!” Sweetie Belle chimed, “I know! If we figure out how he took it and what he did with it, that means we’ll know where it is! So if we find it there, it means he did take it!”

Scootaloo nodded in appreciation. “Hey, yeah, that is a good idea.”

“Makes sense to me,” Apple Bloom agreed. “So if’n he took it, what’cha think he did with it?”

Soootaloo raised an eyebrow. “Beats me.” She turned to Rainbow, who gave her a ‘don’t look at me,’ shrug, then looked to Twilight.

Twilight gave them all a pained smile. “That would work, Sweetie Belle, but unfortunately I don’t know what he’d do with it, either.”

“Rats.” Apple Bloom scuffed the ground with her hoof. “So how are we gonna find it? You gonna do the detectivin’ stuff that he does? You’re good at that, right?”

Her ears fell. “Well … I don’t think there’s enough to go on to find it with proper detective skills, but—”

“What’re ‘proper’ detective skills?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Well, uh, it’s—”

Scootaloo’s expression grew bewildered. “Is there a wrong way that would work?”

“Um, sort of—”

Turning away from Twilight, Sweetie rubbed her chin. “Mister Basil did think somepony stole the wheel, and that’s really dumb, so maybe it’s thinking dumb stuff? Thinking dumb stuff can’t be the right way to do it, but it was working for him.”

“But—”

Apple Bloom giggled. “If thinkin’ dumb stuff works, Scoots’ll find it in no time.”

“Hey!” Scootaloo’s wings sprang open as she rounded on Apple Bloom.

“I’m kiddin’, I’m kiddin’!”

“Oh, I get it,” Scootaloo mocked, “you’re trying to find the wheel right now!”

They all opened their mouths at once.

“Listen!” Twilight shot in. “Just let me explain it all the way and stop interrupting me, and then it will all make sense and I can tell you the plan!”

A pause of silence stretched out. Scootaloo snorted, then clapped her hooves over her face. The other two started to crack, and Scootaloo quickly swallowed down her laugh and forced out, “Okay, all right, we’re listening.” The others settled down and managed a half convincing look of chagrin.

Twilight took a long, deep breath. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. Let’s start with some basic information about solving mysteries. Basil Bones solves mysteries—provided he isn’t a fake—using abductive reasoning; making observations and using those to reach conclusions concerning a pony and what they’re like, or an event and what happened in it. While a pony might have a natural talent at abductive reasoning, it is a learned skill, one related to deductive reasoning.”

Twilight fell into pacing, her voice evening out. “Deductive reasoning is a simpler idea, where using information you know to be true, you arrive at a conclusion. For example, we know it is true that wagons normally have four wheels, that your wagon only has three wheels, that Scootaloo takes good care of the wagon, and that nopony noticed the wheel falling off or being taken off. From these facts, we could come to the conclusion that the wheel was removed—either intentionally or unintentionally—by somepony else.”

Stopping, Twilight turned to face the crusaders. “Abductive reasoning, on the other hoof, follows observations and tries to arrive at facts like those in the previous example. So, for instance, by looking at the wagon, I might be able to tell that the other wheels are kept clean and properly installed, and come to the conclusion that Scootaloo takes good care of it. So, by finding clues and figuring out what those clues can tell you, a detective can put together enough facts to where the deductive reasoning for figuring out exactly what happened would be as easy as coming to the conclusion that the wheel was removed. Which is the proper way to solve a mystery. With me so far?”

Apple Bloom raised a hoof.

“Yes?”

“I thought ya told us to keep our mouths shut ‘til you were done.”

Rainbow gagged and covered her face.

“… I deserved that,” Twilight said. She took another steadying breath and continued. “Okay, so, proper way to solve a mystery. Let’s say we tried to do that on our own. The first step is we’d examine the wagon, like Basil did, and try to find some other clues that could lead us to where you lost it, like if there was any mud on the … part that a wheel connects to.”

“Axle,” Scootaloo offered, then flinched. “Sorry! Shutting up!”

“No, that’s okay, the axle, thank you.” Twilight rubbed her headache. “Maybe that mud was red, and this is just an example, but if it had red mud on it, we could use abductive reasoning and come up with the idea that the wheel must have been taken, or knocked off by accident, somewhere that has red mud. And we know there aren’t too many spots in town with mud that is red, right? Most of the mud off the river is brown, but there’s that big clay deposit that Thrown Coils makes his pots from. So we could go look near that spot and maybe find your wheel. Does that make sense? It’s okay to answer.”

The three girls nodded, while Rainbow stared off into space, looking bored.

“I get it,” Apple Bloom said. “Is it really simple like that? Movies n’ detectives like Mister Basil make it seem real hard.”

Twilight grinned and fell back into pacing. “What makes it hard is knowing what to look for, or recognizing what you’ve found as something valuable, or knowing what to do with the information once you have it. So in this case, I might be able to figure it out from looking, but I don’t really know that much about the mechanics of an axle to tell what part is what. I might miss some mud, or a different clue because I wouldn’t know enough about how it works. Or, if I did find the mud, I might think it was … axle grease? Is that a thing?”

Scootaloo nodded. “Sure. But that’s on bigger wagons. This thing’s just on bearings.”

Twilight nodded with enthusiasm. “Exactly! I might mistake some mud as axle grease, and not know enough to be aware that your wagon doesn’t use grease. And even if I did find the mud and knew that it didn’t belong, let’s say instead of being red, it’s … I don’t know, bright green. Even if I knew it was a clue, and knew it was important, I don’t know of anywhere in Ponyville with bright green mud, so I wouldn’t have any idea where to look.”

Sweetie Belle scrunched up her snout. “Bright green mud? Maybe in the forest, it’s kinda swampy in there some places.”

Apple Bloom looked sidelong at Sweetie. “We didn’t really find green mud, ya know.”

Glaring, Sweetie puffed out her lower lip. “I know that! Green mud’s just a weird idea and got me thinking!”

“If there was green mud,” Scootaloo offered, “that’s a pretty good idea, I think.” Sweetie beamed.

Twilight cleared her throat. “Regardless, there are other problems that would get in the way of us taking the proper route of mystery solving. If we’re right and Basil Bones set the situation up himself, there could be evidence he planted to make the situation look like something else happened, but then again he might have not done that. Instead he might have cleaned up all the evidence that might point towards him, or other directions, so it’d be a mystery only he could solve. And while he’s a pony, and ponies aren’t perfect, it isn’t very likely that he left something that would give him away by accident, since he solves mysteries for a living and would know what he’s doing. The point being that we can’t actually trust any of the evidence on the wagon itself.”

Sweetie’s eyes widened with understanding. “Ohhh, I get it, because if we can’t trust any of the evidence, we wouldn’t even be able to start coming up with conclusions through the, uhh, abductive reasoning thing, since none of the observations we’d make would be good enough to get a conclusion from.”

Twilight grinned again. “Yes, sort of. It isn’t that we couldn’t start, it’s just that we’d end up second guessing everything, because it might be a real observation, or it might be planted. Plenty of mysteries have been solved by detectives who couldn’t trust all the evidence, since ponies who are trying to get away with a crime don’t really want to be caught. All it really does is make everything harder.”

Scootaloo rubbed her chin. “So … we could try to solve it, but it might be really hard, we might not know enough stuff to figure it out, and the guy who did it might have hid all the clues from us to begin with.”

Twilight nodded. “Yes, exactly. That’s why we aren’t going to try to solve it the proper way.”

The three fillies and Rainbow all looked to Twilight. “All right,” Apple Bloom said slowly. “So how are we gonna solve it?”

Twilight smirked. “We’re going to cheat.”

She was met with four bewildered looks.

“Um,” Rainbow said, “It’s Basil that’s cheating, not us.”

Twilight slumped. “I swear, you’re all doing this on purpose now.” She sat down and rubbed her face with both hooves. “We’re going to cheat at mystery solving. All those things I said about abductive reasoning, reaching conclusions, and making theories? That’s all really useful for things like murder mysteries or major thefts.” She stood up again and walked over to the wagon, sitting off in a Scootaloo’s yard and almost hidden by the grass. She lifted it up in her magic and flipped it upside down. “But when you’re a student at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns and need to carry around a set of matching quills—” Twilight’s horn glowed brighter, and the three wheels on the wagon lit up, spinning in the air like she’d flicked them to life, “—and are also the sort of pony who ends up leaving her quills in the weirdest places—” her horn’s magic turned blue and pulsed at a slow, steady pace, “—you quickly learn spells to help you find a lost item from a set.”

She set the wagon back down and spun in place a half step at a time. The others watched her as she crossed her eyes to look at her horn, which pulsed at the same sluggish rate, but faded from a light blue to turquoise, and then green once she faced back down the street in the direction they’d walked from.

“Ohhhh,” the four said together.

Twilight smirked again. “Come on, girls. Let’s go find a wheel. Bring the wagon.” She led the way down the street.





Twilight’s eyes hurt. She’d stared cross-eyed at her horn as they paced up the street, watching the green fade back to blue then correcting her course, weaving through town in roughly the right direction. A few blocks away from Scootaloo’s house, on the other side of the town square where the buildings started to thin out again, the frequency of the pulses had doubled, and a sense of certainty fell over her. At this rate, they’d reach the location of the wheel in another few blocks. Right in front of Rarity’s house. Right where Basil Bones had started to ‘solve’ their mystery.

“Okay, so here’s the plan …”

Scootaloo jumped forward. “Did you find my wheel!?”

“Not yet, but we’ll be there soon. But when we do find it, it’s important that we have a plan, if we’re going to trap Basil Bones.” A flash from her horn faded to purple when she looked towards Scootaloo, so she shot her head forward. “Once we know where it is, we need to be careful not to move it.”

Scootaloo grumbled and kicked at the ground. “I wanna fix the dumb wagon already.”

“I understand, but it’s important to not look like we figured out where it is yet.”

“Huh?” said Apple Bloom and Rainbow Dash at the same time.

“I get it!” Sweetie said. “We’re gonna trick Basil into solving it for us, and we can’t do that if the mystery looks like it’s already solved, right?”

Twilight grinned and nodded. “We might not need to do that, but it’s a very important alternative to leave open.” The pulsing had shortened to once every few seconds as they hit the clearing around Carousel Boutique. Twilight was within ten yards of the wheel. “The first thing we’re going to do is look over the wagon again and try to figure out what connections there are between the wagon and the actual location of the wheel.”

“Huh?” said Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash at the same time.

Twilight stopped and rubbed her chin. “Sort of a backwards abductive reasoning. Starting from a conclusion, we try to figure out what observations would make sense to lead us to that conclusion. We’re trying to figure out on our own how Basil Bones set up the mystery for us, and if we can’t manage that, we’re going to at least try to figure out what he is going to say had happened.”

Rainbow lifted up off the ground and flew in front of Twilight. “And if we figure that out, we know he did it, right?” Blue light strobed in Rainbow’s face and she cringed back. “Augh!”

“Well, maybe. It isn’t really proof either way, but we might be able to confront him with evidence of his tampering, or at the very least convince him to ‘solve’ the mystery for us and, using what we figure out from our own investigations, see if we can poke any holes in his story.”

Apple Bloom huffed. “This all sounds real complicated, n’ like even if everythin’ goes our way we still don’t know anythin’ for sure.”

Sighing, Twilight gave a pained smile. “That’s a … rather accurate description of nearly all of science.”

Apple Bloom crinkled her snout. “So—”

“Why’d we stop?” Sweetie asked.

Apple Bloom snapped her mouth shut and Twilight blinked and looked around. “Oh … um … because we’re here.” Carousel Boutique stood a few yards ahead, just as empty as it had been earlier in the day. Twilight’s horn flashed constantly, bleeding from blue to green to purple as she shifted her head from side to side. The green strengthened as she turned, until it was a vibrant emerald when pointed at the tree to Twilight’s side. The same tree Scootaloo and Apple Bloom had crashed into. Fine-tuning her aim, she smiled with her horn pointed at a crook in the tree’s branches, her magic evening out to a solid beam of color shining at the spot. She dropped the spell. “It’s there, in the tree.”

Rainbow flew up higher and pushed some leaves away.

“Careful! Remember we don’t want to move it.”

“Yeah, I got it, Twi.” Rainbow craned her neck in, and shoved a second branch aside. “Well, damn, here it is.”

“Lemme see!” Scootaloo called, her wings buzzing enough to lift her an inch up.

“Soon,” Twilight promised. She turned back to Rainbow. “And language.”

Scootaloo looked to Apple Bloom. “Is ‘damn’ a curse word now?”

Sweetie tsked. “Language!”

Sighing, Twilight refocused on Rainbow. “Anyway. The wheel. Where is it exactly?”

“… In the tree.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. “I mean, where in the tree? And how? Is it stuck to anything, is it hanging from something?”

“Well, uh, it’s just sitting here on its side. It’s kinda propped—hold on.” Rainbow grunted and shoved her upper body deeper into the canopy.”

“Caref—”

“I’m not touching it! Jeeze! There’s something else it’s sitting on, it’s hard to see and—” Rainbow’s tail shot out straight behind her. She blasted backwards out of the tree, stone-faced with twigs and leaves stuck in her mane.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Hold on, be right back.” Rainbow streaked through the air back into town.

Twilight huffed and rubbed her face. “Great.” She took a deep breath and turned to the crusaders. “Well while we wait for her to … do whatever she’s doing, let’s take a look at the wagon and see if we can figure anything out.”

Scootaloo shrugged and pulled the wagon to the center of the group. “I looked it over pretty good already. What sorta stuff are we looking for?”

Twilight took hold of the handle with her magic and twisted the cart around, upending it halfway off its remaining wheels to look at the bare axle. “I’m not entirely sure, but maybe some leaves that match this tree? Or dirt that matches the ground here.”

“There was some stuff like that, I guess. I wiped all the gunk off it this morning. Does that matter?”

Wincing internally but keeping her face even, Twilight focused on the wagon. “It might, but it does look like there’re some scrapes on the underside here.” She pointed at a scuff mark across the bottom corner near the missing wheel. She could tell the mark was new compared to some of the other bumps and dings based on the flaking of the paint at the edges, and looking closely she could see some dusty brown powder running through the middle of it. It didn’t look like dirt to her, so she guessed it was likely crumbled tree bark. “This might match the bark of this tree.”

Apple Bloom fidgeted. “We did crash full on into the tree, like, fifteen minutes ago.”

Twilight’s ears fell.

“Yeah, you’re right,” said Scootaloo. “Heck, I bet a lot of what we find on it could be from the crash.”

Twilight settled the wagon back down.

Sweetie peered up into the tree. “I bet somepony could even say the wheel came off and landed in the tree, if they didn’t know we lost it before the crash.”

Apple Bloom’s eyebrows screwed up in confusion. “Ya think Basil’d try an’ tell us we lost the wheel in a crash that not havin’ a wheel on made happen?”

“I dunno.”

“Well,” Twilight cut in, “we know that he wouldn’t make that argument already.” At their questioning looks, Twilight continued. “He started to help you girls out earlier, and his argument was the wheel had been stolen, remember?” Twilight narrowed her eyes and frowned in thought. “And … come to think of it, when you did crash, I don’t think the wagon really hit the tree at all, did it? It sort of flipped around and landed against the tree.”

“Yeah?” Scootaloo asked. She ran over towards Rarity’s door and looked at the skid marks through the ground. “It, like, swung around here,” she pointed, then swept her hoof a couple feet closer to the group, “and tossed me and AB off over here. I didn’t really see what happened after that. Did you see, Sweetie?”

Sweetie Belle shook her head. “I was more worried about you guys than what the wagon was doing. Did you see, AB?”

“I was gettin’ tossed around same as Scoots.” They all turned to Twilight.

“Um … I caught a little bit of the crash, but I was more concerned with making sure you were both okay, too. I’m pretty sure it went end over end a few times and then landed against the tree, though.” She turned her attention to the ground and extended the search past the initial skid. “Yeah … here, look at these marks.”

Twilight pointed at a divot in the turf. Dirt showed in a small crescent where something had cleaved into the ground, then raised a hunk of sod up, as if a farmer had struck it with a hoe. A few feet ahead, a wildflower lay half-crushed on its side, not quite trod upon, but more like something large had been set down on top of it. “See, here the wagon caught on the ground, probably with the lip since it dug in a little. And here it landed on a flower, probably with the flat of a side.” She turned around and lifted the wagon with her magic again.

Spinning it around, she looked at the edges of the basket one by one, then grinned when she got to the front side. A smear of rich clung to one of the corners. “Yes, see?” She prodded the dirt with a hoof. The surface was a dry, light brown crust, but the inside was still damp.

“Oh, neat!” Sweetie said. “Is there any sign of the flower?”

Twilight pictured in her head how the wagon must have rolled, and spun it around to look at the back. “Mmm … no, looks like it didn’t leave anything …”

Scootaloo leapt forward. “Wait! Look there, at the rivet!”

Twilight arched a brow and followed Scootaloo’s hoof. The dinged up metal of the wagon seemed to be a uniform mottled mess to her, but sure enough there was a rivet near the corner. A wisp of a flower petal poked out near the bottom, wedged in between the rivet and the metal. She grasped it in her magic and pulled it free. “Good eye, Scootaloo!” She set the wagon back down and brought the petal over to the flower. Its color matched the petals remaining around the pistil. “Perfect! It would take some tests to tell if it’s actually from this flower, but it’s pretty strong evidence that I’m remembering right.”

“That’s pretty dang cool.” Apple Bloom scratched her head in thought. “So what’s it flippin’ over like that tell us that’s important?”

“Well, when it landed, the wagon’s lip is what leaned up against the tree, because we could see the wheels, remember?”

“Uh huh.”

“Since it was flipping end over end, we know how it landed that way, right?” Twilight raised a hoof and swung her leg, simulating the wagon raising off the ground in a forward flip to hitch up against the tree. “If that’s how it landed there, then the smear of wood on the bottom …”

Scootaloo leapt forward again. “Ooh! It wouldn’t get there from the crash! It’s on the wrong side of the wagon!”

“Exactly!” Twilight beamed.

Apple Bloom stepped over and hauled the wagon up to look at the bottom. “… Huh.” She let it plop back down. “That is real weird. How’d it get there?”

Sweetie Belle raised an eyebrow and turned to Twilight. “Think Mister Basil put it there?”

Her smile fell. “Well … I don’t know. Maybe? Or, it could be that it’s from something else.” She turned to Scootaloo. “You said that you cleaned it up this morning, right?” Scootaloo nodded. “Did you notice the scratch then? Can we say for sure whether or not it’s new?”

Hesitating for a moment, Scootaloo crossed both sets of legs and looked away. “I mean … I’m pretty sure I wiped down the bottom.”

Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes. “What’s pretty sure mean?”

Scootaloo huffed and sprung to a wide, defiant stance. “Look, it was missing a wheel, I was kinda distracted by trying to figure out where the heck that went to pay attention to what I was doing with the rag, okay?”

“Don’t gotta bite my head off, jeeze.”

Twilight cut in as Scootaloo puffed up again. “It’s okay, really, this is just part of the process. Would anything that happened yesterday explain the mark?”

Sweetie scuffed the ground. “You mean like going off a ramp, landing directly on top of a log, and breaking the log in half?” Scootaloo and Apple Bloom looked at each other, then turned to Twilight and smiled sheepishly.

“… Yes, Sweetie.” Twilight let out a long breath and turned back to the tree. “Not that I’d have any idea what to think if we were sure that it was unaccounted for. Why hide the wheel in a tree? We’re still missing something.”

Rainbow Dash blurred in over a house and landed with a thud in the middle of the group, her teeth grinding together. “I’m gonna kill him.”

Twilight blinked. “… What?”

“He took my coffee mug! That’s what’s up in the tree with the wheel, the mug I was drinking out of this morning! That weasel broke into the library and stole my damn mug!”

“What!?”

Rainbow leapt back into the air and lunged at the tree, then dragged herself to a halt. “Not touching it! Just … it’s … it’s my mug! Right there!” She dropped back to the ground. “That little jerk stole their wheel and hid it with my mug, because he knew we’d find it, and then we’d know he knew, and he knows we know he knows! He’s mocking us!”

“… Um.”

Rainbow glared at her and stuck out her bottom lip. “What? Do you have a better idea?”

Twilight opened her mouth and took in a breath. She closed her mouth again. “… No, I don’t.”

“See? So—”

Twilight shook her head and glared, her voice raising. “That doesn’t mean that he’s trying to ‘mock’ anypony, Rainbow! What it means is that it doesn’t make sense!” She spun around and yelled directly at the tree, “None of this makes sense!” She whirled back to Rainbow. “Are you sure it’s your mug!? Why is your mug up there!?”

“Of course I’m sure! Look!” Rainbow charged forward and hoisted Twilight around the middle, then jerked them both up into the canopy.

“Augh, Rainbow, you didn’t—” She rubbed the leaves out of her eyes, and when they sprung right back into place, she flung her hooves out to her sides. The branches parted with a shower of creaks and pops as she strained the wood. She heaved in a few breaths to get her bearings, some of the wild energy draining out of her. Feeling more centered, she looked down. Sure enough, in the crook of the tree sat a wheel, identical to the three attached to the crusaders’ wagon. Underneath it was a coffee mug. The mug Rainbow always used was nondescript, a plain white mug, oversized but otherwise normal, with a small loop of a handle. Twilight could still smell a faint trace of coffee from it. It occurred to her that it might be a different, similar mug that smelled like their brand of coffee, but she assumed Rainbow had just flown to the library to check. It would make less sense if it wasn’t Rainbow’s mug, which in some ways made Twilight feel worse.

She furrowed her brow. “How’re these things even staying up in the tree?”

“So you believe me now, huh?”

“I didn’t—” She pressed her lips together and forced herself to take a breath. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t saying that, this is just so … so stupid!” She growled and craned her neck around to try and see it from all angles. She thrust herself further into the tree and when she looked back at it, she could see that the mug’s handle had been wedged into a fork in the branch. “Okay, so the mug isn’t going anywhere, and the wheel is just propped against—Celestia, why am I doing this!?” She wrenched back out of the tree with another protest of crackling from the branches. “Rainbow, put me down!”

Rainbow brought them both back to the grass and Twilight dropped to her haunches. She scrubbed her face with both hooves and growled again. “What is the point of taking your mug?”

“He’s mocking us, Twi.”

“But that also doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t know we’re trying to trap him.”

Rainbow raised a hoof in objection. “But you said he is pretty good at figuring stuff out sometimes, what if he already knows we’re doing this just from, like, looking at us?”

“But we didn’t decide to do this until after he left. And even if he did somehow figure it out, the way we’re trying to trap him is by proving he took the wheel, and if he took the wheel and wanted to mock us, why would he leave your mug where we could find it and know he actually did take it!?”

Rainbow stood stock still for a moment, then lowered her hoof. “… Uhhh …”

Scootaloo shifted from one hoof to the other, said half a word, then trailed off and looked away. Twilight looked from Scootaloo to the other two, then lowered her voice and forced her tone to be calm. “I’m sorry, girls, I’m not trying to make a scene. Did you have an idea, Scootaloo?”

Scootaloo cleared her throat and looked down. “Is … maybe Mister Basil was right and somepony else in town took the wheel? And your coffee mug?” She shot Apple Bloom a pointed look. “I know it sounds dumb, what about today doesn’t sound dumb?”

“I wasn’t gonna say nothin’.”

Twilight closed her eyes, then shook her head to clear it. “Maybe it is somepony else, though why they’d do this I couldn’t begin to guess.”

Rainbow huffed. “It’s gotta be him.”

Twilight raised her head and turned to Rainbow. “But … why?”

A silence fell as they looked at each other.

“… I didn’t think it was that dumb, Scoots,” Sweetie said, before being shushed by Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.

Eventually, Rainbow shrugged in defeat. “You’re right, Twi. It’s dumb, it’s all dumb, everything about today’s been dumb.”

“It really has.” The tension clawing at Twilight broke, and after a moment she cracked a smile. Rainbow returned it. She giggled and leaned forward. “You’ve got a lot of twigs in your mane.”

“You too.”

Twilight took a deep breath and got to her hooves. “Okay, I think that’s enough of this insanity for now. Maybe there’s a way to use this to our advantage, maybe not, but I need a break. Maybe extra time is all I need for things to make sense again, which I doubt, but that doesn’t matter.” She offered an apologetic smile to the crusaders. “Anyway, thank you for your help, girls, even if we didn’t figure anything out, you were a big help.” They beamed and Twilight’s smile widened. “Rainbow, you can reach it the easiest, let’s give them … their …”

Twilight trailed off as she looked back over the road. A pony walked his way toward their group at an unsteady gait, somewhere between determined and terrified. Basil Bones puffed thick clouds of smoke from his pipe, as if to screen himself from view. For a moment Twilight thought he was trying to go unnoticed to slip past them, and doing a bad job at that, but he stopped directly in front of their group. The cloud of pipe smoke grew thicker.

Twilight shot a look to Rainbow, checking her expression. Rainbow looked impassive. She wagered it was a better sign than anger, and turned back to Basil.

“Um … beg your pardon, madams,” Basil said in faltering steps. “I am loath to interrupt you, but would it be feasible to borrow a moment of your time?”

Twilight pressed her mouth into a thin line. Perhaps something could be salvaged from the day yet. She hoped Rainbow and the fillies would know not to say anything about the wheel and let her take the lead. She ran through what to say, how exactly to say it, to as yet turn the wagon wheel into a trap. The game was still ahoof. “Y—”

“What do you want?” Rainbow hissed.

Basil flinched behind the cloud. “Please don’t throw anything at me.”

Groaning, Twilight muttered, “The day gets stupider.”




> Chapter 7
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rainbow took a threatening step towards Basil, flaring her wings. “You better hope I just throw stuff at you, you little—”

“Rainbow,” Twilight cut in. She grabbed Rainbow by the shoulder and made eye contact, then glanced at the tree. “Let’s all calm down and see what he has to say, okay?”

Rainbow grumbled, then sat down and crossed her legs over her chest. “Ugh, fine, whatever.”

Basil cleared his throat and hesitantly stepped out of his smoke cloud. “I, erm, trust that certain concessions on my part have been related towards the, ah, unfortunate misunderstanding that has led to the current state of animosity? If not, Miss Rainbow, I could certainly relate them of my own regard, if that might resolve any lingering disputes.”

“If all that junk you just said means you wanna say you’re sorry, save it. What do you want?”

He flushed, averting his gaze from Rainbow to the ground, then straightened up and addressed them both. “Very well, blunt and to the point it is. I had, perhaps, suggested that I had business I wished to discuss with Miss Twilight Sparkle earlier, before I had taken account of … ahem, yes, well, after recent revelations, I feel that despite previous differences and negative impressions, if I have come to make the acquaintance of the protégé of Princess Celestia, I must bring this business to her attention.” He took a long drag from his pipe and turned to pace, streaming smoke from his mouth. “To cut straight to the heart of the matter, the truth is that my journeys through Equestria are not solely driven by happenstance nor whimsy, as would often be suggested about me in the newspapers.”

“In articles you wrote,” Rainbow muttered, just loud enough for Twilight to hear.

“There is an auxiliary, somewhat clandestine pursuit that determines the course of my sojourns, which has unfolded as a game of cat and mouse over what I believe must be five years now. While I would normally characterize myself as the cat,” Basil halted and turned towards the group, his expression set and hard, “I would at least be erroneous, if not outright foolish, to not admit that I am often the mouse.”

Basil floated the pipe back into his mouth and stood his ground silently, staring at Twilight as if searching her face, while occasionally stealing panicked glances at Rainbow. As the silence lengthened, Twilight’s confusion grew alongside it.

After a moment, she rubbed the side of her temple. “Umm … okay? What exactly are we talking about?”

“And what’s it gotta do with my wheel?” Scootaloo asked.

Twilight flinched, and looked down at the cutie mark crusaders. She felt her face heat up, realizing she’d forgotten they were still there. At Basil’s expression, he hadn’t noticed them either, or maybe forgot that they were old enough to talk.

“Hmn?” He shook himself off and looked at their wagon. “Ah, yes, your missing wagon wheel. Well, I do believe you little madams will find it in that tree—” he pointed at the crook of the tree with the stem of his pipe “—where these two associates of yours conspired to place it in some ill-conceived attempt to confound me.”

Twilight’s eyes widened and her jaw fell slack. “What?”

“It could be that your goal was in some manner supposed to frame me for something, but that seems unlikely and, perhaps, malicious, and based on the events of today thus far I feel it might be prudent to not expect the worst of ponies.”

Twilight stammered in disbelief.

Rainbow leapt into the air to hover and threw her forelegs wide in protest. “Hey, come on!” she snapped. “We didn’t put it up there!”

“The twigs in your manes say otherwise.” While Rainbow gaped and shifted from looks of shock to frustration and back, Basil puffed his pipe and narrowed his eyes at the tree. “Hmn, yes, definitely that specific spot, judging by the disturbance of the branches around it, though it’s an awfully precarious sort of position to rest a wheel, it must be propped up on something.” His nostrils flared, and Twilight caught a glimpse of the magic aura around his horn and pipe brightening for a moment. “Coffee. Yes, it’s resting on a coffee mug. Miss Rainbow’s mug, to be exact, it would need a handle to catch on the knot of a branch. An interesting hiding place, though not exactly artfully hidden. I’m not certain what the two of you were trying to accomplish.”

Twilight and Rainbow stared at him with the same agape expression.

Scootaloo turned to Apple Bloom. “Do you think we can get our wheel back now?”

“Shush, I wanna know how this turns out.”

Rainbow spun towards Twilight. “Please can I hit him?”

Basil skittered back. “U-uh, yes, but as we discussed, it is wise to perhaps assume more charitable intentions in others, especially those I was just attempting to confide in, so it could also be a, erm … modern art installation?”

Twilight sighed. She rubbed her headache with a hoof and shook her head ‘no’ to answer Rainbow’s question, who grumbled and landed again. She turned back to Basil. “It isn’t a modern art installation, no.”

“And we didn’t put it there, we just found it like that,” Rainbow said through clenched teeth.

“Preposterous, who else would put it there? It’s such a conspicuously absurd location I could only venture it was staged for my benefit. Entertaining the ludicrous proposal of a third party, it would still be solely meant for me to find. The only possible method in which either of you might find it first would be by means of a complete fluke.” Rainbow’s eyes narrowed and he backed up again. “Or, to state that more accurately, by means of prodigious magical talent befitting the protégé of Princess Celestia.”

“Ugh, cool your hoof-licking already, I’m not gonna hit you.” She added, “Unless you give me a really good reason,” under her breath, just for Twilight.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “We did find it using a spell, and I’m frankly at a loss for how anypony could have found it without a spell.” She weighed her options for a moment, tossed the shredded remains of her plan out of mind, and stepped forward. “How would you have found it, if it was meant for you to find in the first place?”

He scratched his chin with the stem of his pipe and straightened. “An interesting query. I imagine it would have taken several steps to follow the clues to this specific hideaway, so I would be required to enter into the realm of conjecture.” He turned his attention back to the wagon and stooped down to examine it more closely. “My first stop would be the location where this wagon was stored last night, then if I found no clues, to your rather overgrown garden,” he said to Scootaloo.

“Augh, if somepony can tell I haven’t mown the lawn just by looking at the dumb wagon, fine, I must’ve let it go too long. I’ll mow it, geeze.”

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom hid their snickers and Twilight drew her brow together, trying to remember if Basil had heard the three of them talking about Scootaloo’s yard earlier, and if that even mattered anymore.

“Regardless, I don’t believe there is any piece of evidence right here that would have pointed me to the solution of this trifle immediately, but I strongly suspect that whatever clues I did follow would implicate both Miss Twilight and Miss Rainbow.”

Rainbow rose out of her air of grumpiness and raised an eyebrow. “Us? Why us?”

“The mug, of course, which already connects the two of you to these events, suggesting the perpetrator’s true motives were to attempt to frame you.” He puffed a cloud of smoke and rubbed his chin. “Although … when taking into account your remarkable magical aptitude, I suppose it could indicate that this trifle was planted for your benefit, rather than mine.”

Twilight grimaced and looked at the tree. “That doesn’t make any sense, either.” She turned back to Basil. “Unless you were the one planting it.”

“Hah!” Rainbow shouted, hopping in place. “Now that makes sense.”

Basil scoffed and fumbled his pipe, catching it in his magic. “I believe I have inadvertently antagonized you both enough today without doing it again on purpose. The last thing I ought to have done would be to track down your belongings and arrange a farce of an unveiling, on a trifle that I couldn’t be sure you would even engage with in the first place.”

“Well it’s not like you’d have a hard time finding my mug, you already guessed that Twi’s the librarian,” Rainbow shot back. “You’d just need to find the library and steal my mug out of the sink, it’s not like it’d be har—”

“Pocket it from the table, you mean. At the café, the site of our first altercation.” Rainbow straightened up, raising an eyebrow at Basil. “Considering you were on the verge of leaving the mug behind before our, ah, dispute, I find it highly unlikely that you remembered to take it with you afterwards. I would be willing to stake odds that Miss Twilight left her mug behind as well.”

Twilight looked at Rainbow. Rainbow looked at Twilight. They both grimaced. Twilight slumped and groaned. “I did leave our mugs behind when I went to change the tip.”

“I thought it was weird that your mug was also missing from the sink!”

“Ugh,” Twilight moaned, looking up at the sky. “That means anypony could have taken them, for any reason, even just to prop up the wheel with whatever they had on hoof!” She buried her face in her forelegs.

“I am unsure of that,” Basil mused. He frowned and paced back to the wagon. “At the start of this conversation, I was speaking entirely in the hypothetical, as I felt concrete in my judgment that the two of you were simply, as they say, pulling my hoof, but based upon your reactions, it seems highly evident that we are dealing with a third party.” He upended the wagon with his magic and rotated it like a gyroscope, his eyes darting across every surface.

Scootaloo raised a hoof to grab her wagon back, but Apple Bloom smacked it down.

Twilight huffed and begrudgingly stomped over to the wagon. “We’ve both already looked it over, I’m not sure what else you could f—”

Basil raised a hoof for silence, then scraped it across the smear of crumbling bark still in the fresh scratch across the bottom of the wagon. He raised the bark to his muzzle and inhaled. “… Coffee grounds.”

Twilight’s eyebrows shot up, and she heard three gasps of surprise from the cutie mark crusaders. Rainbow slapped the ground and yelled, “What?!”

Basil’s expression darkened. He stuck his pipe in his mouth, set the wagon down, and turned towards the tree, his horn still glowing with magic. The wheel floated out from its hiding place alongside the mug. “He is mocking us,” he said with grave certainty.

He returned the wheel to Scootaloo while Twilight and Rainbow exchanged bewildered glances. Twilight shook her head and asked, “He’s mocking us? He who?”

“The same ‘who’ that facilitated my arrival in Ponyville.” His tone grew sharper and harder as he floated the mug down from the canopy, held carefully upright as if it were still full of coffee. “A master criminal who speaks only in calling cards and puzzles, stealing not for fame nor fortune, rather purely for sewing chaos and confusion in his wake.” The mug glided gently overhead between him and Twilight, and he began to swirl it in a circle to stir the contents. A clinking rattle chimed out from the cup as he brought it down directly between them. “My greatest rival, a pony so shrouded in mystery I know him only by a pseudonym.”

Basil held out his hoof and upended the mug. A single acorn rolled out and bounced on his horseshoe, settling into place. Basil’s expression grew rigid, etched with anger. “Diamond Acorn,” he spat.

There was a long pause. Rainbow took a tentative step forward. “D … Diamond Acorn? Really?”

“My sworn nemesis. There is no denying it now, seeing his calling card here in your mug.” He floated the acorn up and puffed smoke at it.

Rainbow scratched her head and looked to Twilight, like she was seeking help. “Couldn’t that’ve just fallen in the mug from the tree?”

“Does that tree look like a member of the Quercus genus to you?”

“… I dunno.” She glanced at the tree, then back to Twilight. “Does it?”

“It does not,” Basil answered, his horn brightening as he hurled the nut through the air and off into the distance. “The three of us have been musing over how absurd this trifle is, enveloping the three of us and these little madams in a web of senseless cause and effect, culpability and suspicion, to no foreseeable conclusion nor purpose. It should have been clear to me sooner; I have been set off-balance by our disagreements, this is exactly Acorn’s modus operandi. He seeks nothing but to satisfy his own whims of confusion and disharmony, and I, only I, have seen the calling card and followed the clues, which have led me here to Ponyville. And with your help by my side,” he shouted, stretching an imploring hoof towards Twilight, “Miss Twilight Sparkle, protégé to Princess Celestia, I am certain that we can bring this madpony to justice! What do you say, madam? Are you with me?”

Twilight blinked slowly. Basil had struck a pose in his flourish, his hoof extended and a smile on his face that she assumed was intended to look charming, maybe even roguish, though it landed somewhere closer to goofy, like a foal play-acting as Daring Do. He didn’t falter from his position, holding it well as time stretched out while Twilight regarded him, only breaking his stillness when he blinked and his chest heaved with breath.

“Um,” Twilight said. “Excuse me for a moment.” She turned and walked back towards the tree, hooking a hoof over Rainbow’s shoulder and leading them a few feet away. “So …”

“I go high, and you go low?” Rainbow asked.

“What? No, we’re not attacking him.” Rainbow grumbled in disappointment. “I’m just unsure about his story.”

“Oh. Yeah, it was weird. I mean, Diamond Acorn? That sounds like a fake name.”

She looked sidelong at Rainbow. “Well … it is a fake name, that’s what a pseudonym is.”

“I knew that, jeeze, I mean what kind of pony would choose that as their fake name?”

“I would assume that Basil chose it himself.” She glanced back at Basil, who was still maintaining his pose, though his expression had faltered and his extended hoof was listing towards the ground. Twilight smiled politely and turned back to Rainbow. “You know, because all he had to go off of was the acorn calling card.”

“Why not call him, like, The Acorn Bandit, or something? Why Diamond?”

“The first trace of his I came across was the theft of a bag of diamond dust! Monetarily without value, but the owner was shocked to find three acorns left in its pl—”

“Stop listening to us!” Twilight snapped. She glared, lit up her horn, and shrouded the two of them in a sphere of silence. “And the name isn’t important. I’m more concerned by what it might mean if it were true.”

Safe in the sphere, Rainbow stepped back from huddling in shoulder to shoulder and scratched her head. “What, that there’s some demented weirdo running around messing with ponies? That kinda sucks, but I don’t see how big a deal it is.”

“Think about it, Rainbow. A strange force moving through Equestria, spreading chaos wherever it goes, ‘sowing disharmony.’ Does that sound like anypony familiar to you? Or anycreature?”

Rainbow frowned and raised an eyebrow. “Like … Discord? You think he got out of that statue again?”

She shrugged. “Maybe. It’s a least a possibility.”

“I guess. It doesn’t really seem like his thing, though. He was all big, dumb, in-your-face chaos, not steal-a-wagon-wheel-and-put-it-with-a-coffee-cup chaos. He’d probably think this was really lame.”

“It might be all that he’s capable of doing from inside the statue; Basil said that he’s been following Diamond Acorn’s trail for five years. I can’t imagine he found much of a trail for the short time that Discord was free, what with all the in-your-face chaos he was spreading.”

“Hmm.” Rainbow sat down and rubbed her chin in thought. “I dunno, but that might make sense.”

“It could also be a lie and he figured out that we suspected him of staging his own puzzles to solve, and he’s just doing it to throw off suspicion.”

“Ugh, now that makes more sense.”

“Does it though?” Twilight grimaced looked across the barrier at Basil, who had finally given up posing and had switched to standing there awkwardly.

Scootaloo’s voice carried across the magic bubble from the outside, muted and flat as if they were hearing it through water. “Does this mean I can put the wagon back together now?”

Sighing, Twilight turned back to Rainbow. “I kind of think it would make more sense if it were true, or if Basil at least believed it to be true.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because if he were lying to us, he’d come up with something less stupid.”

Rainbow frowned, then nodded. “Yeah, you’re probably right. What do you think we should do?”

She took a deep breath and shifted her weight back and forth on her hooves. “I’m … not sure that helping him is going to be productive. I am sure that helping him will not be enjoyable. And I think we could probably check into a few things on our own without him first. And depending on what we find, or don’t find, we can at least narrow down whether or not he’s telling the truth, or if he’s covering something up. And we could always come back and offer to help him later depending on what we figure out.”

“All right, so a big fat ‘no’ to his smug face.” She grinned. “You wanna tell him the bad news, or can I?” She popped a kink in her neck.

“Seeing as we might want to work with him later and I’m not sure how willing he’d be if you told him the way I think you want to tell him, I better do it.” Her horn flashed and the sphere of silence melted around them.

“Spoil sport.”

They walked the few feet back to Basil, and the very confused and bored looking Cutie Mark Crusaders. Twilight smiled politely. “We’ve talked it over, and—”

“You’ll join me?” Basil said, exhaling a stream of smoke. “It’s only natural to do so; I believe we will make a formidable ensemble. I suggest our first stop is to—”

“And we will not be joining you, sorry.” Twilight cut in, even-toned but firm. Basil froze, and goggled at her in surprise. “No offense, but Rainbow and I already make a pretty great team. If there’s a petty thief in our town causing trouble for ponies, the two of us will definitely be there to try and stop them.” She smiled, trying to keep the satisfaction out of her expression. “We’ll let you know if we have any questions for you.”

Basil was dumbstruck for a few moments, blinking at her across his half-moon spectacles. Slowly he set his jaw, grunted, and straightened. “Very well, if that is your answer, I am accustomed to working on my own. A pity, I suppose, but that is all it is.” He held a brief, critical gaze on Twilight, then turned back towards town. “I trust our disputes may remain behind us going forward and our business settled for now, and thus I bid good day to you, madams all.” He set off at a determined pace, looking stung, though far more dignified than the last time he’d run off. The group fidgeted in silence until he was out of sight.

“So …” Sweetie Belle mumbled. “… What the heck was all of that?”

“That is a very good question, Sweetie,” Twilight sighed. She turned back from the street and looked at the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Scootaloo fiddled with the wagon wheel in one hoof and squeaked the wagon’s handle back and forth with the other, looking more itchy than anything else, while Sweetie and Apple Bloom’s expressions shifted through different levels of confusion. “A failure to figure anything out for sure, if nothing else.”

“You got to hear a crazy pony go on about acorns for a while, at least,” Rainbow said through snickers.

Twilight rolled her eyes and smiled. “Anyway, I think the three of you have had enough of your time taken up by this craziness. We’ll let you have a chance to fix your wagon and get back to what you were going to do today. Thank you very much for your help, and for humoring us.”

“Finally,” Scootaloo said, flipping the wagon over on its side and looking at the axle. “AB, you still have the wrench, or is that back at the club house?”

“Club house. But hang on.” Apple Bloom looked back to Twilight. “I wanna know what’s goin’ on!”

Sweetie nodded vigorously. “Yeah! That was so, so … anticlimactic!”

“What were y’all talkin’ about in that bubble? Is it really somepony called Diamond Acorn who took our wheel, or was Basil fibbin’?”

“And what about all that stuff you said about how inductive reasoning works?” Sweetie pressed up against Scootaloo to look at the underside of the wagon. Scootaloo jumped out of the way like she’d been shocked, then ran a hoof through he mane and looked away. “Like, these are coffee grounds. How come we didn’t notice before?”

Apple Bloom ran up to the tree and put her forelegs on the trunk to look up at the canopy. “An’ what’d he say about this tree? That it ain’t the right kinda tree for acorns? ‘Cause it ain’t, but that don’t mean much in Ponyville, there’re oaks all over the place.”

“And—”

Twilight cleared her throat loudly, and the three of them jumped. Rainbow snickered again. “I’m afraid the answer to all of those questions is that I have no idea.”

“Aww!” Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle said in unison. Scootaloo took advantage of the distraction to try and work the wheel back onto the wagon.

“I’ll tell you three what. If … when … if Rainbow and I have a better idea of what’s going on, I promise we’ll tell you.”

“Ugh, fiiiine,” Sweetie grumbled.

Pouting, Apple Bloom raised a hoof. “Maybe we could help ya still!”

“No we can’t!” Scootaloo said, trying to twist off a bolt with her hooves.

“Shush, Scoots, this is important! An’ also I wanna know what’s goin’ on!”

“And I want to fix the dumb wheel on the dumb wagon and go do something dumb, like jump over the river!” She crossed her hooves over her chest and turned. “C’mon, Sweetie, back me up on this.”

“Um …” Sweeties cheeks colored. “I mean … that sounds … fun, too, but—”

“Ah, for peat’s sake!” Apple Bloom shouted. “Why you gotta always take Scoots’ side on everythin’!”

“Hey, leave her alone! She just wants—”

Sweetie shouted over them. “But, I want to know what’s going on with Mister Basil, and the wheel, and the acorn thing, too!”

“See? It’s two to one, Scoots, let’s help ‘em! We can fix the wagon afterwards, it ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

“Aaaaaaugh!”

Twilight cleared her throat again and gave them a weak smile when they all turned. “I appreciate the offer to help, but I think I’m still done for the day. This is all too much and I just want to lie down, but I have a few errands I need to run first.” A chorus of disappointed whines and a muffled ‘yes!’ answered her.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Errands? What errands?”

She rubbed her brow and let out a long breath. “I need to check in with Fluttershy about the letter she sent, which means I have to go to the marketplace and get some carrots for Angel, because I don’t want to see what happens if I show up there without any. While I’m in town, I need to go back to the café and see if my mug is still there.” She hefted Rainbow’s mug in her magic for a moment. “And while I’m out of town by Fluttershy’s, I should stop in at Sweet Apple Acres to thank Big Macintosh for humoring Spike last night. And speaking of Spike, I really need to get home and check on him, or I might find him in an ice cream coma on a pile of dirty laundry.”

“Oh, hey, I saw him when I got that newspaper, he was doing the laundry while I was there.”

“Oh, good,” she breathed out in relief. “That’s one less thing for now, then. Which means I might even have time to go to the Canterlot garden maze and check on a certain statue. Maybe. That will probably not happen today.” She turned back to the Crusaders. “Only a few of those things have anything to do with all of this. I’d invite you along to talk with Fluttershy, but, um … did … did you girls hear about what happened with her and Basil Bones this morning?” She heard muffled giggles from Rainbow and focused on keeping her eye from twitching.

“Yeah,” Scootaloo answered, “but it didn’t make any sense. Something about Fluttershy fishing? I dunno what’s so bad about hooking fish, she has, like, bears and stuff, bears gotta eat, too.”

Apple Bloom nodded. “I don’t get what’s so funny about it, neither.”

“We probably heard it wrong, or being a hooker means two things.” Sweetie turned to Twilight. “Does being a hooker mean two things?”

Twilight made herself stone-faced and tried to ignore the strangled wheezing noise Rainbow was making. “I think things will be better if I talk to Fluttershy by myself. Sorry, girls, I’ll keep my promise to let you know if I find anything out.”

“Okay …” Apple Bloom whined.

“Wait, what about Rainbow Dash?” Sweetie said. “Are you going to keep looking for clues? Maybe we could help you!” Apple Bloom turned to Rainbow expectantly, and Scootaloo perked up from her annoyance and looked over with interest.

“Uhh …” Rainbow’s eyes darted between the three of them.

Apple Bloom sighed. “You’re probably goin’ with Twilight, huh?”

Rainbow swallowed and glanced at Twilight, a shimmer of panic rippling over her expression. “Umm …” She cleared her throat. “I, uh, have other stuff going on.” She opened her wings. “Sorry, girls, I’ll have to catch up with you later.” With one last darting look at Twilight, she took off, speeding towards the center of town.

Twilight’s spirits sank, and she drooped her ears. “Well, nice while it lasted,” she muttered.

Scootaloo scratched her head. “That was weird. Is she okay?”

“I …” Twilight straightened up. “Yes, Scootaloo, she’s fine, it’s just been a challenging morning for everypony.” She forced a smile and stared off in the direction Rainbow had fled in. “Everything’s okay.” She looked back at the three of them, who didn’t say anything, but she could tell they believed her about as well as she believed herself. “Thanks again for all your help, and …” She shifted back and forth on her hooves in thought for a moment. “And sorry for how nonsensical everything’s been. I better get to the marketplace before Golden Harvest runs out of carrots. You three have a good day.”

“Bye, Twilight!” the Cutie Mark Crusaders called in unison as she waved, collected Rainbow’s mug off the ground, and turned away.

As Twilight walked along the path back into town, she heard Apple Bloom saying, “I knew hookin’ had to mean somethin’ else, too.”

“But Twilight didn’t say anything,” Scootaloo said.

“That’s how ya know it means somethin’ else!”

Twilight groaned and sped up her pace. Carrots for Angel, an apology gift for Big Macintosh, and an apology-in-advance gift for Applejack, for when the three of them inevitably asked her what a hooker was.

“Can today just be over?” She asked herself. “If not, can I at least get something solid to go on from Fluttershy’s bat? Hopefully he’s still awake. She? Fluttershy wrote its name down …” She patted at her bare side and stopped cold. She turned back towards the Carousel Boutique. The Crusaders had cleared out, heading off in the opposite direction, but she could see the folded up note and rumpled newspaper sitting on the ground beneath the tree. She groaned and stomped back the way she came. “Okay, first stop, home. If today can’t be over, I’m going to need a saddlebag.”




> Chapter 8
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight knocked on the door, which opened so quickly she almost rapped on Fluttershy’s head. “Ah! Fluttershy. Hi.”

“Oh, good, it’s you. Did you find anything out? Do … do you know who was in my house last night?”

Twilight turned a critical eye over her face. She had bags under her eyes, and a few locks of her mane were out of place. Twilight forced a smile. “I’m sorry, I don’t know.” Fluttershy’s pupils shrank. “Yet. I have some clues, though, and a few ideas that might be true. Is …” Twilight bit her lip and squinted in thought. “Francesca! Is Francesca still here? And awake?”

“She went back to sleep, but I can wake her up again, she said it would be okay if I did. Oh! Sorry.” Fluttershy opened the door wider and stepped back from the threshold to let Twilight in. “I know I’m probably overreacting, it’s just that I’ve never had somepony break into my house before.” She slunk further into the room ahead of Twilight, looking around at all of her things, as if she’d find something out of place. She stopped suddenly and straightened. “Unless I have and just didn’t know. Oh, no …”

Twilight cleared her throat, making Fluttershy jump. “I think it’s too early to jump to conclusions, I’m not sure that anypony did break into your house. Francesca said that she thought it might be one of the other animals, didn’t she?”

“She did, but I’ve talked to all of the animals now, and none of the others say they were in the kitchen last night. She was the only one that noticed anything, too.”

“Well, you get wild animals that come inside every once in a while, right?”

Fluttershy frowned and tapped her chin, and Twilight saw some of the tension melt away from her shoulders. “That’s true, a lot of little birds and forest critters stop in if they’re too cold or hungry.”

“See? It might have been one of them!” Twilight’s face slackened and her eyes went out of focus. “It might have been one of them …” She shook her head. “A-anyway, that’s something we can ask Francesca.” She set a hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder. Fluttershy flinched at her touch, and she pulled away. “I’m sorry, are you okay?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean … I’m …” Fluttershy stopped and closed her eyes, breathing deeply. “I’m really scared, Twilight. I know you probably think I’m being silly. We’ve gone off on adventures and have done so many dangerous things. I’ve faced down a dragon. I shouldn’t be scared of somepony who came into my house and took some dishes I can’t even use, somepony who might not even exist.” She held Twilight’s gaze and searched her face. “Do you really think it was just an animal looking for something to eat?”

Twilight returned her gaze and slowly touched her shoulder again. “It could be. I think in a lot of ways it makes more sense if that were the case. But … I’m not going to lie to you and say that I know for sure that nopony broke in. That might have been what happened. And I don’t think it’s overreacting to be upset by that.”

Fluttershy swallowed and nodded.

“I can say that if somepony did break in and we figure out who, they’re going to have a lot to answer for. Even if all they did was take a tiny set of dishes and hide them in a strange place. Nopony in town will put up with somepony breaking into your house and making you feel unsafe.”

Taking a deep breath, Fluttershy nodded again, standing up a little taller. “Thank you, Twilight. I know I’m making a bigger deal out of it than I should.”

“I’m not sure that you are. Ponyville is a safe town, we all know each other here, the only time anypony ‘breaks in’ anywhere is because they had too much to drink and went into the wrong house.” Fluttershy raised an eyebrow and Twilight smirked. “You’ll have to ask Rainbow about that, it’s her story to tell. It’s Big Mactintosh’s story to tell, too, but I imagine his version is very different. He’s not used to Rainbow’s snoring.”

Fluttershy giggled and hid her mouth. “I’ll keep that in mind. I’ll go wake up Francesca and bring her inside; she’s up in the bat house in the yard.” She opened the back door and paused, glancing back at Twilight, her posture more relaxed. “Thank you, Twilight.”

Twilight smiled and turned towards Fluttershy’s couch to sit down. Angel stared back at her from the cushion. “Oh! There you are.”

Angel thumped his foot three times and crossed his forelegs over his chest.

“Wow, Angel, if looks could kill.” His mouth twitched open, showing a tooth that seemed far too sharp for a rabbit to have. “Okay, okay, I kept my promise!” She opened her saddlebag and floated a tied-up bunch of carrots over to the couch. Angel eyed them critically, his legs still crossed. Twilight didn’t know why she was sweating. Finally, he relented, nodding once and dragging the carrots off the couch and up towards the stairs. Twilight let out the breath she seemed to be holding.

The back door opened again and Fluttershy came in with a tiny brown bat hanging upside down from her foreleg. “Twilight, this is Francesca. Francesca, this is my good friend Twilight Sparkle. She was hoping we could ask you a few questions about last night again, if that’s okay with you.”

Francesca let out a wide yawn and stretched out her wings, then wrapped herself up again.

“Hi, Francesca,” Twilight said, commanding the voice in her head that was screaming about how weird it was to talk to a bat to sit down and shut up. “Fluttershy told me that you saw something in the kitchen last night. Could you tell us exactly what happened?”

Francesca turned towards Fluttershy and made a series of clicks and squeaks. Fluttershy nodded along, then said, “She says that she woke up a little late last night and came inside through the open window, because she wanted to get a drink of water before going out hunting. When she came in, the house was mostly dark, but there was a light on in the kitchen. At first she thought she was alone and went straight to the water bottle.” Fluttershy pointed out a large jug hanging from the ceiling in the corner of the living room opposite the kitchen.

Twilight walked over to the jug, which she guessed must have been the container from a water cooler hooked up to a gravity-stopper drip tube, like the water bottle for a hamster cage, only ten times bigger. She turned towards the room. From the angle, she could see only a small portion of the inside of the kitchen, about a foot and a half wide section of the corner cabinet and the backsplash behind the counter. “Hmm.” She looked back at the bottle and to the window right next to it. “Is that the window she came in from?” Francesca nodded. “Okay. What happened next?”

After Francesca stopped making bat noises, Fluttershy said, “She says that after she got her drink and started to leave, she noticed a shadow on the wall in the kitchen and heard some sounds. The sounds weren’t loud or anything, so she thought it must be me or maybe a different animal getting something to eat, and she flew back out of the window.” Fluttershy stopped, and Francesca squeaked again. “…And she says that there were a lot of moths around last night and she gave herself a tummy ache, but I’m not sure if that’s really important right now.”

Twilight rubbed her chin. “So you came in from this window, got a drink, and left through the same window, and didn’t go anywhere else in the house?” Francesca nodded again and Twilight narrowed her eyes in thought. “Since you said that you thought it might be Fluttershy in the kitchen, does that mean you could tell what size whoever in the kitchen was? And they were definitely pony-sized?”

Francesca stayed quiet, and Twilight saw her scratch her chin with the thumb claw of her wing. She turned to Fluttershy and squeaked. “… She doesn’t know. The shadow looked like they might be big, but it wasn’t very clear.” Francesca went on, and Fluttershy’s eyes widened, then relaxed. When she continued, her tone carried a hint of relief. “The sounds they were making were very quiet, so she thought it was me or maybe an animal her size, like a birdie or maybe something as big as a gopher. She didn’t think it sounded like a pony in there, just me specifically.”

Twilight smiled and shook her head. “This is why Rainbow says you’re too quiet. Now, let’s see …” She walked over to the kitchen and looked around for a moment, trying to solidify the mental picture of the night before. “Which light was on in the kitchen? Do you know?”

After a pause, Fluttershy said, “She says she doesn’t know what you mean. Hold on.” She walked with Francesca into the kitchen. “See, sweetie? That glass dome up on the ceiling is the main light, and then there are little lights under the cabinets. Do you know which lights were on?” Francesca shook her head and clicked a few times. “She doesn’t know. I don’t think she has anything to compare it to.”

Twilight frowned in thought. “Was it a very bright light?”

Before Francesca could say anything, Fluttershy answered, “All lights are pretty bright for bats.”

“Hmm …” Twilight smiled. “I have an idea. Go and stand over by the water bottle.” She turned around and grasped the curtains with her magic, pulling them shut, then went out and did the same in the living room, leaving the house dark. It wasn’t half as dark as it would be in the middle of the night, but she felt confident as she clicked on the overhead light in the kitchen. “Did it look more like this?” She clicked it off and turned on the under-cabinet lights. “Or this?”

There was a pause. “… Could you switch them again?” Grinning, Twilight flipped the lights back and forth a few times. “Francesca says she isn’t sure, but she doesn’t think it was the main light because it comes out too far into the living room.”

“I thought so,” Twilight murmured, turning off the overhead and leaving on the cabinet lights. She began pacing around the room, watching the far corner, which she knew as the only spot that Fluttershy and Francesca could see from near the water bottle. She stopped in the middle of the floor. “Can you see my shadow in there at all?”

“No, not right now.”

“Hmm … not surprising,” She muttered to herself. The overhead light was powerful enough to cast a shadow off of anything in the room, but most shadows wouldn’t reach far enough outwards for Francesca to have seen it. The shadow’s source would have to have been very close to the door, or very close to the light. Both of which were possible, but Twilight had suspected the cabinet lights when she’d asked Francesca. She moved to the far end of the room, to the cabinets next to the sink. She smiled again and waved her hoof in front of the light.

“Ooh! Now I can see you … Yes, Francesca says the shadow looked just like that.”

Twilight nodded sharply and walked out of the kitchen. “Okay, I think that’s all we need to ask Francesca. Thank you very much, it was really helpful.”

Francesca yawned and wrapped herself up tightly in her wings.

“I’ll be right back, let me just take her back to bed.” Fluttershy went outside and Twilight walked around reopening all the curtains. She opened the last one up over the sink and stayed staring at the counter’s backsplash. Fluttershy came back in. “So … do you think it was an animal?”

Twilight sighed. “Sorry, but … I’m not sure. I don’t think it wasn’t an animal, it’s just …” She turned and waved her hoof in the air. “This is what I was doing when you could see the shadows. See where I am?” She stepped back, revealing the counterspace, including the drain rack for dishes right next to the sink.

Fluttershy nodded. “Right where the tea set must have been.”

“Francesca must have been here right when the theft was taking place. The shadow could have been from a bird, or a gopher, or … or, I don’t know, any sort of animal up on the counter, moving around in the light.” She waved her hoof again. “Or it could have been a pony moving something around on the counter. And how much noise do you think a tiny tea set would make while somepony was stealing it and trying to not wake you up?”

Fluttershy’s shoulders sunk. “Yeah, you’re right, Twilight. I guess we don’t really know anything more than we did at the start.”

“We do know one thing that’s really important,” Twilight said, letting herself relax and smile. “We know that whoever—or whatever—took the tea set had a physical body.”

“So … we know it wasn’t a ghost?” Fluttershy asked, straightening up and giving Twilight a puzzled look. “Were we worried it might be a ghost? Are ghosts real?”

“Not a ghost. Just something that could manipulate objects without actually being here through magic.” Fluttershy’s confusion deepened, and Twilight turned towards the sink. She hefted the draining rack in her magic. “Like, say, if a unicorn levitated the tea set from outside your window, or used a summoning spell from pretty much anywhere in Equestria, if they knew exactly what they were wanting to take.” She grinned to herself. “Or if a creature made of chaos wanted to play a game,” she muttered quietly. “Looks like you’re right where you’re supposed to be.”

“I guess that’s true,” Fluttershy said. “Just the tea set would be too small to make much of a shadow if it was floating on its own, they would need to have moved the draining rack, too.” Twilight’s smile turned into a frown. “And magic is bright and colorful, so it wouldn’t have made a shadow, it would have been a colored light. Well, most magic.”

Twilight’s frown deepened. “What do you mean by ‘most’ magic?”

“Oh, well, I was just thinking about it, and I remembered that I have seen magic that didn’t have any light around it.”

Twilight froze and pressed her mouth into a thin line. “… Discord’s magic.”

“Yes, exactly. But it couldn’t be him. I mean … how could it?”

“Yes … how could it …” She stared off into space for a moment, then lifted her head. “Fluttershy, when you woke up this morning and noticed the tea set was missing … were there any acorns in the kitchen that you noticed?”

“Acorns? Huh?”

“You know, acorns. That looked like somepony left them on the counter, maybe even in the dish rack.”

She tapped her chin. “You know, there were some on the counter, three I think. Sometimes the woodland critters like to leave them here as presents, so they didn’t seem out of place. Why?”

Twilight grimaced.

“Twilight?”

She sighed and rubbed her eye. “Nothing, it’s just … I had a hunch, and when I came here I was hoping I could disprove it, and I just thought I did disprove it, and now I’m not sure anymore. The good news is, I guess, that if the hunch is true, it would mean that nopony broke into your house.”

“That would be good news. Is … is there bad news?”

Twilight forced a grin and shook her head. “Not really. It just means that if I want to disprove it, I’m going to have to make this really long day even longer.” She straightened her saddlebag on her back and opened one of the flaps. “Would it be okay for me to borrow a piece from that tea set? I’ll bring it back to you later, I just need it to test something.”

“Oh, of course, Twilight.” Fluttershy flew up to one of the overhead cabinets. “Does it matter which piece?”

“No, anything from it, and the less fragile the better, I don’t want to break anything on accident.” Fluttershy retrieved the tiny serving tray made of metal, which Twilight slid inside her saddlebag. “Perfect, thank you.” She walked out into the living room. “Now, regardless of what I find out from this piece or anything else along the way, there are a few other things I think we can know for sure after having talked to Francesca.”

Fluttershy perked up and raised an eyebrow. “There are? It didn’t really seem like there was that much to learn, no matter how much Francesca wanted to help.”

“I’m at a slight advantage to you with information from spending the morning looking into the things that Basil Bones has had a hoof in. I don’t have all the pieces yet, but what happened to you and your tea set fits in with a pattern of other things that have been happening. And if that’s true, it means that the theft here was done for no other reason than to stage the … thing that happened at the water fountain this morning.”

Fluttershy’s cheeks colored and she coughed. “Y-yes, that thing.”

“What I mean is, your tea set was only stolen so that Basil Bones would find it. Why, I’m not sure yet, but considering the rest of the pattern, I’m reasonably confident that the reason wasn’t to embarrass you or make you feel unsafe. I couldn’t say for sure why you were chosen yet. It might have been random chance.” A pang of anger gripped her chest for a moment. “Or it might be because you were one of the six of us who was there when the world almost ended.”

Fluttershy shrunk into her shoulders. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I’m not following you.”

Nodding, Twilight scratched her neck. “I don’t know that I’m following me, either. The important thing to take away, I think, is that the theft is part of the pattern, and the pattern is for small, mostly insignificant thefts that happen randomly to random ponies who are somewhere nearby to Basil Bones. You’ve already been targeted once, and I think it’s unlikely you’ll be targeted again. Whoever is doing these things and why they’re doing them would be nice to know and I hope I can find out, but from what I can tell, I don’t think you need to worry about something like it happening another time to you.”

Fluttershy’s expression switched back to confusion. “So in other words … it’s over?”

“For you? I think so, yes. Whatever was in your house last night won’t be back again. It won’t have a reason to. You can put this behind you.”

She let out a breath and slumped in relief. “That’s really good to hear. All I wanted was to put it behind me from the beginning.”

“Well, you should be safe in doing that. I could be wrong, but I really don’t think I am. This wasn’t about you or your things, it was just part of a con game of some sort. Or maybe something else.” She gave a pained smile. “When … if I find out for sure, I’ll let you know, but for now, I’m going to leave you alone and let you put it behind you.”

Fluttershy smiled and stepped up to give Twilight a hug. “Thank you, Twilight, I really appreciate everything.”

“Of course.” She hugged her friend back and then turned towards the door and sighed. “Now I guess I need to go to Canterlot.”

Fluttershy opened the door. “Really? Why? What’s going on in Canterlot that has to do with this?”

“Hopefully it’s nothing.” She stepped outside and looked off towards Ponyville and the train station. “It’s just part of what I said earlier about eliminating the explanations that are impossible. And this one is something really impossible.” She waved goodbye and set off.





Rainbow Dash’s stomach growled loud enough to wake her up. She groaned and rolled over on the cloud, burying her face in the fluffiness. She gurgled again, huffed, and sprung up.

“That nap sucked,” she muttered. “Skipping lunch was a mistake.” She gave the ground a sour glare and scanned the crowds of ponies milling around. She considered going home and poking around her kitchen, but that would mean she’d have to actually make something to eat, so that was a no go. After making sure there was no sign of purple or green in the crowds, she dropped down from the sky.

She landed in the town square and headed off through the central shops, until the sign for the Hay Burger caught her eye. “If today’s a day of stupid stuff, getting a gross, awesome burger is the best stupid idea,” she told herself. With a grin, she stepped up and put her hoof on the door.

“Hey, Rainbow Dash!”

She winced. “Ugh, what now?” She swung her head around towards the call and saw Scootaloo waving from her scooter. She reluctantly raised her hoof in reply. “Oh man, they’re gonna want me to go after Basil again, aren’t they?” she grumbled, but as Scootaloo drew closer she didn’t see Sweetie or Apple Bloom. “Hey, Scoots, what’s up?”

“Nothing much.” She skidded to a halt in front of Rainbow.

“Sweetie and AB around?”

“Nah. We were gonna go do something cool, but they wanted to keep talking about that guy forever.” She rolled her eyes. “I told ‘em I had to go home for a bit. That guy’s boring, and thinking about stuff the way Twilight does makes my head hurt.”

Rainbow grinned. “I know, right? Well, have fun, Scoots, I’m gonna go grab something to eat.” She turned around and pushed the door open.

“Um, Rainbow? C … could I talk to you about something?”

Rainbow’s eyebrows shot up at Scootaloo’s complete shift in tone. She looked back and saw Scootaloo’s expression, twisted up with a mixture of emotions, with worry and embarrassment winning out the most often. “Uhh, sure, kid. What’s up?”

“It’s…um…” Somepony left the Hay Burger through the door Rainbow was propping open and slipped past them. “Uh, could we sit down somewhere? Somewhere not surrounded by ponies?

“Good thinking, let me grab something to eat first, then we’ll go sit somewhere outside.” Scootaloo nodded without looking up from the ground. “You, uh, want some fries?”

“Okay.”

Rainbow headed into the Hay Burger with Scootaloo behind her. As she ordered some food and waited for it, Scootaloo stayed quiet and skittish, and a growing sense of panic over what sort of conversation she was about to have washed over her in waves. When she got her food after what felt like years, Rainbow headed back outside and found a bench to sit at, away from everypony else.

“Here, Scoots.” She pushed over a bag of fries and pulled out her burger. “So what’s going on? Something bugging you?”

Scootaloo munched on a fry and stared at the ground for a moment. “… Um, so … Twilight’s your, uh, girlfriend, right?”

Rainbow blinked. Whatever the conversation was, it couldn’t be as serious as she was afraid it would be, and the worry unraveled itself from her stomach. “Uh, yeah, she’s my girlfriend.” She remembered she was hungry and took a big bite of her lunch. “Why?”

“What, uh…what do you do with her?”

Rainbow choked on her burger. Coughing and sputtering, she forced out, “Whuh?”

“You know…girlfriend stuff. What girlfriend stuff do you do with her? How’s it work?”

Rainbow felt her face warm up and her pulse in her ears. “We, uh, well …” She cleared her throat looked at her burger again, before setting it down on the bag. “… We, y’know, do, like, normal girlfriend stuff, I guess …”

Scootaloo groaned and set her fries down. “What’s ‘normal girlfriend stuff’?”

“What’s this about, Scoots?”

“I just wanna know what I’m supposed to do with Sweetie Belle!” she snapped, then eeped and flushed, looking away. “Sweetie’s my girlfriend, I think.”

“… You think?”

“I mean, I’m pretty sure.” She picked her fries back up and stuck one in her mouth. “Like, I’m … ninety percent sure if you asked her if I was her girlfriend, she’d say yes, and, like, I’m pretty sure she’s happy about that?” She shoved down another couple of fries. “And, like, I’m kinda happy that she’s happy about that, so I guess that makes us girlfriends? But that probably makes me a bad girlfriend, because I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Rainbow’s eyebrows felt like they’d gone up above her mane line. She cleared her throat and took another bite of her burger. “Mmkay,” she said around the mouthful. “D’you wanna be girlfriends with her?”

“I guess? I dunno! What’s ‘being girlfriends’ mean?” She sighed and poked her fries back and forth. “Like, with grownups, girlfriends move in together and get married and stuff, and, like, that’s cool and all, but that’s what grownups do, and it feels like it’d be dumb to be worried about doing that right now. Right?” She looked to Rainbow, her eyes searching for validation.

Rainbow forced down the bite in her mouth and coughed. “Yeah, Scoots, it’s way too early for you to be thinking about that sort of stuff.”

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Scootaloo nodded. “Yeah, see, that’s what I thought. But, like, it isn’t weird that Sweetie’s my girlfriend now, is it? I know we’re not the only two in my class, and a lot of the other girls want special someponies even if they don’t have one, so it seems like it’s normal.”

Rainbow nodded and took another bite before answering. “Yeah, it’s pretty normal. I had my first girlfriend in junior speedsters when I was about your age, I dunno when exactly.”

“Well … what do girlfriends do?” She crumpled up the fry wrapper and scrunched it into the take out bag. “I know kissing. Me and Sweetie do that sometimes, but it feels weird doing that when Apple Bloom’s around. And Sweetie always wants to walk pushed up against me, or lay her head on my shoulder, and that’s also weird with AB there. I feel like we’re supposed to be doing stuff alone, but AB’s always around and I don’t wanna make her feel left out. And if I did have time with just Sweetie, I don’t know what I should do with her, and I don’t wanna just, like, spend an afternoon doing nothing but kissing, that seems like it’d be boring.”

Rainbow grinned and turned away. “Won’t seem so boring in a couple years,” she muttered to herself as she polished off the last of her burger. She straightened up and scratched her cheek in thought. “Okay, well … first off, tell me, Scoots, do you like kissing her, or having her head on your shoulder? I mean when nopony else is around, just the two of you.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I mean … yeah, I do. It’s nice. It makes me feel …” She kicked her hind legs back and forth off the side of the bench. “I dunno. Kinda goofy? Fun goofy. Sorta like at the very top of a jump off a ramp when everything’s floaty.”

Rainbow nodded in appreciation. “All right. Well … I think you’ve got the right idea feeling weird about stuff when Apple Bloom’s there, because I’d bet if she’d end up feeling left out, even if she was spending time with the two of you, if you were spending all that time kissing and hugging and junk. Being a third wheel sucks.”

Scootaloo nodded. “Okay.”

“But it also kinda sucks to have a girlfriend who doesn’t want to spend time with you and pushes you away whenever you try to get close.”

Scootaloo crumpled in on herself and looked at the ground, letting out a low whine. “I knew I was being a bad girlfriend …”

Rainbow winced and turned away to mutter under her breath, “Twi should be doing this, she’d be better at it.” She ran a hoof through her mane. “You’re not being a bad girlfriend. You’re just, sorta, not being a girlfriend right now. And that’s okay, you’ve been busy telling me you don’t know what you’re doing, and I bet you Sweetie doesn’t really know what she’s doing either. You’ve got plenty of time to figure this stuff out before anypony would say you’re doing a bad job.”

She nodded without looking up.

“Now. About what special someponies do together.” Scootaloo straightened and turned to Rainbow with interest. “They go on dates.”

Groaning, Scootaloo wrinkled her snout. “You mean like getting all dressed up and going to fancy restaurants where they play violin and you just stare at each other? Those look so boring.”

Rainbow chuckled and shook her head. “You think that I’m doing boring stuff like that with Twi? … Okay, I mean, I have, because Twi wants to do stuff like that sometimes, but that’s just one type of date.”

“Well, what are other types?”

“It’s mostly just, like, hanging out and stuff. Special someponies do normal friend things, like go watch movies, eat lunch together, go to cool places, play games, drink milkshakes, you know?”

“But I do stuff like that with Sweetie all the time.”

“Yeah, but Apple Bloom’s there with you, right? That makes it not a date, unless she has a boyfriend or girlfriend who’s also there, but that’s a different thing. Me and Twi hang out with our other friends all the time, but we spend a lot of time together just the two of us, too. And…okay, sometimes that’s just us hanging out, but we go on dates, too, and sometimes the just-hanging-out time counts as date time.”

“I’m lost.”

Rainbow sighed. “Me, too. Look, that sorta stuff you get a feel for after you’ve been dating somepony for a while and you can just tell when something is just hanging out time, or if it’s a date. Right now, what you gotta do is just go on some actual dates with Sweetie Belle. Doesn’t have to be a fancy date, so don’t think about it like those scenes in movies, just think about it like you’re taking Sweetie someplace that she likes and having a good time with her.”

Scootaloo shifted her weight back and forth on the bench. “Without Apple Bloom?”

Rainbow frowned and leaned back, rubbing her mouth in thought. “… I’m trying to remember what dating was like for me when I was your age, but I didn’t have friends like the three of you have. I mean, I had friends, but not the same way …” She shrugged and shook her head. “I think the thing you really gotta think about is, if you want to be girlfriends with Sweetie Belle, you’re gonna have to make time without Apple Bloom if you’re gonna make it work. And that probably sucks and you don’t want to ask her to butt out. You’re gonna have to figure out if you don’t want to do that more than you want to be Sweetie’s girlfriend.”

Scootaloo groaned and sunk down to her stomach on the bench. “But that means making one of them sad and I don’t want to make either of them sad.”

“You don’t know that.” Rainbow scooted around to sit sideways on the bench and face Scootaloo directly. “I know Apple Bloom can get a little nuts sometimes if she’s worried about something, but it’s not like you’re gonna march up to her and tell her you don’t want to be friends with her anymore. You’d just be telling her that you and Sweetie are gonna go on dates sometimes but that you still want to hang out and do your crusading junk together. She’ll probably get it, and would only be sad if you and Sweetie did start not hanging out with her anymore.”

“I guess that’s true,” Scootaloo mumbled.

“And the other thing is you don’t know how Sweetie feels about all of this, either. She might not want to leave Apple Bloom out of stuff any more than you do. And maybe that means you’ll both want to hold off on being girlfriends for now and just be friends, or maybe she’ll be happy with, like, a date once a month or so. Or once a week. Or whatever. It’s not like you gotta go on dates every day or anything.” At Scootaloo’s expression, Rainbow fidgeted uncomfortably. “… I probably should have said that sooner.” She coughed. “Anyway, I bet that you can totally work stuff out so that nopony’s sad, because you know that neither AB or Sweetie want anypony else to be sad, too.”

Scootaloo sat up. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“All you gotta do is talk to Sweetie. That’s a really important part of being a girlfriend and doing it right, you gotta talk stuff out when something’s bothering you. You can’t just …” Rainbow trailed off and stared out into space. “… Hide from everything.”

“I guess I do need to just talk to them. That can be kinda scary, though. Well, not scary, but, y’know, not really all that easy.”

“I do know.” She grimaced and felt her stomach squirm. Maybe the gross, delicious burger was a worse idea than she thought. “… I gotta go talk to Twilight.”

“Right now?”

Rainbow’s wings twitched. “Sorry, was there something else you needed to talk about?”

“Not that, it’s just … you got burger sauce all over your face.”

Rainbow blinked. She looked down at her hooves, which were smeared red up to her fetlocks. She touched her face and felt herself stick together. She probably had sauce in her mane, too. Scootaloo swallowed a snicker and she grinned. “All right, I gotta go take a shower, and then talk to Twilight.” She hopped up off the bench. “Good looking out for me, squirt.”

“Any time! And thanks for listening to me, I feel better now.”

“Glad I could help.” Rainbow offered a hoof-bump, which Scootaloo hesitated in returning. Afterwards she wiped her leg off on the empty bag. “See ya around.”

Rainbow leapt into the air and headed off in the direction of her house and a warm shower. Her nerves leveled out a little, thankful for the good excuse to delay things a while, but she knew she couldn’t delay them forever. She couldn’t be giving any sort of dating advice to anypony if she did. “Maybe I can run into Basil on the way and hit him with something, that’d make me feel better.”

Fortunately for him and unfortunately for her, she got home without seeing a trace of a white mane or a green coat.




> Chapter 9
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight sighed, pressing her cheek up against the cold window of the train. Her breath fogged up her view in puffs as the countryside rolled past. She let her mind wander back over the flurry of events of the day. Too much had happened already. It would have been overwhelming even without a hangover. It all bled together to a muddy blur of images, far too many of which had Basil Bones in them. She tried to collect her thoughts and put the facts she had in order. Unfortunately, they didn’t seem to have any sort of order she could put them in.

“Ugh,” she muttered, making a spume of fog. “Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of pony could invent.”

The countryside changed into a series of stone buildings and cobbled streets rushing past, and Twilight got to her hooves. She straightened her saddlebag as the train slowed down, and she stepped down onto the platform of Canterlot’s train station before anypony else. She headed off in the direction of the royal gardens.

As she traced the well-worn paths she’d taken hundreds of times in her youth, she tried to put the facts in order again. She opened her saddlebag and floated the contents out in front of her, looking over each thing one by one to have some semblance of structure to her thoughts.

“Rainbow’s mug,” she said, looking it over as she spun it in her magic. “Taken from our breakfast table and used with the wheel stolen from the cutie mark crusaders to stage a scene for my benefit, Basil Bones’ benefit, or both.” She nodded and put it back in her bag.

The second mug, this one made of thinner ceramic and without a handle, hovered in front of her. “My mug. Left at our breakfast table, then collected by our waiter and set aside in the restaurant by the register. He said it was the only mug at the table when he bussed it, which he did immediately after straightening up the hay bale that Rainbow ruined, meaning the first mug must have been taken within the window of a couple minutes. Nopony saw anything unusual, other than Rainbow throwing a bale of hay at a world-famous detective.” She smiled lightly and put the mug next to Rainbow’s in her bag.

“The newspaper article.” Twilight flared her horn and straightened out the creases a little. “An older case of Basil’s wherein the accused claimed to have been framed. She probably wasn’t, but considering …”

She slipped the newspaper away and brought the tiny silver serving tray up to her face. “Considering the theft and inexplicable placement of a tiny tea set in a random location, one that perfectly lined up with a character assessment and explanation of why it was there that is known to be entirely false, raises lots of questions.” She dropped the tray inside one of the mugs and heard the gentle tink of metal on ceramic.

Twilight’s expression softened and she rolled her eyes at the box of candy. “Caramel squares for Big Macintosh, his favorite, which he refused to take as an apology for surprise dragon-sitting, claiming Spike is always welcome and it wasn’t any trouble.” She snapped open the wrapping from one of the corners and slipped a piece of caramel out. “Nothing to do with the case at hand necessarily, but a reminder that a lot of things happened last night. Somepony or something stole the tea set out of Fluttershy’s house, several hours before the supposed arrival time of Basil Bones. Which also raises the question that if it were him, why would he have gotten his explanation for the tea set so incorrectly after having been in Fluttershy’s house. Or, if that was on purpose, why he’d go with an explanation so outlandish?” She slurped on the caramel and grinned. “Mmm! I get why Big Mac likes these so much.”

She looked over the last item from her bag, something she’d picked up from her home at the same time as her saddlebag. She cracked open the book and flitted through the pages. “Hex-breaking. The art of locating the traces of magic designed not to be found, identifying its source, intent, and protections, and disabling it.” She slapped it shut again and looked at the fraying cover. “Intermediate to very advanced magic that a pony could spend a lifetime studying. Incredibly difficult to do with any sort of competence, though made easier with the more sources you have. Such as a targeted object—” she rattled the serving tray inside the mug “—and the possible source of the spell.” She put the book away and snapped her bag shut, looking forward at the sharply trimmed hedges sprawling out in the palace gardens.

As she approached, a couple of royal guards stood vigil at the civilian entrance, a white-coated pegasus and a muddy gray unicorn. The unicorn cracked a smile at her. “Been a while, Miss Twilight.”

“Hi, Shieldstruck! It has been a while.” She grinned at the guard, a gruff-looking stallion closer to her parents’ age than her’s, who brought back a flood of memories from her foalhood. “It’s really nice to see you.”

“Likewise. Guard duty hasn’t been the same since you went and grew up.”

“I imagine it’s less stressful now. No needing to find any fillies asleep under a pile of books in the middle of the night.”

Shieldstruck chuckled and shook his head. “Less stressful, but less fun. What brings you around these parts?”

She nudged her saddlebag and said, “There’s something I need to check in the gardens, if that’s all right. I’m guessing they’re not open to the public today, so I can go around the formal way and get permission from Princess Celestia first if you need me to. I hope I’m not interrupting a private event or anything.”

“Oh, nah, nothing like that, just the usual groundskeeping.” He frowned and rubbed his chin, then glanced over at his fellow guard. “Don’t see any fuss in letting you on in here, considering. Whaddya think, Spear?”

“Whatever you think is what I think, sir,” the other guard said, his voice cracking.

Shieldstruck grinned wryly. “Don’t worry, cadet, I’m sure that spine’ll grow in eventually.” He turned back to Twilight and stepped aside. “Looks like it’s unanimous.”

Twilight grinned and hugged Shieldstruck around the neck. “I’ll try to be quick.” She stepped past the two guards and followed the outside of the hedge maze in towards the central gardens. As she looked around, it was clear that the groundskeepers were out in full force. The trimming was immaculate as always, but everywhere she looked she spotted signs of the wildlife that lived in the gardens, hugging the outside to avoid the ponies at work, but waiting expectantly with snouts held high for when the feeders were filled. Most of the animals darted away at Twilight’s approach, but a single brave squirrel followed along the top of the hedge maze after her, nose twitching. Twilight came close to pulling out a caramel to give to the squirrel, before the twisted, horrified expression of Discord, frozen in stone, came into view. The squirrel took one look at the statue and darted back the way it came.

Twilight let out a long breath through her snout. “Hi, Discord,” she said. “I’d say it’s been a while since I’ve seen you, but it hasn’t been long enough.” She slid the book and the tea tray out of her saddlebag and set them on the grass in front of her. “So tell me, are you Mr. Diamond Acorn?” She lit her horn and started flipping pages.

It was a slow process as Twilight carefully limited her tests to tracing for the hoofprints of magic. She knew she was probably safe, but the last thing she or anypony else needed was for something to go wrong and the statue to start cracking open. She started on the serving tray, and at first pass she could have believed that the only magic to ever touch it was her own, lifting and testing it. Fine tuning her focus and referring to the book, she dug deeper.

“Hmm,” she muttered. “If I’m not mistaken …” She crossed her eyes and looked at the faint flickering of colored motes around her horn. “Yeah … yeah, this was made by forming and pressing a piece of metal just slightly smaller than a tray made for a pony, and then shrunk down with magic afterwards … interesting.” She flipped the tray around and looked at it closely. “Probably to save bits, since it didn’t have to be particularly ornate and would still look really fancy after shrinking.”

She grinned and nodded, feeling more confident. She set the tray down and reached for the statue with her magic.

Pain splashed across Twilight’s horn. She bit her tongue and felt all the strength melt out of her body. Her legs turned to jelly and trembled under her weight, and she fell sideways on the grass, panting out strained breaths.

“Wow …” she moaned. She ran her tongue over her teeth and forced herself to swallow, thankful for not tasting blood. She got a hoof under her head and struggled to raise it enough to look straight on at Discord. “That is … a lot of magic.”

She looked over the statue while she waited for her lungs to stop heaving, searching for any signs of movement. The stone remained solid and stationary, with no cracks anywhere that she could see as she carefully scanned Discord’s screaming face, long body, and strange limbs. When she felt daring enough to stand, she circled around him just to make sure. “Okay,” she said, her voice shaky. “You’re still trapped. That’s good.”

She returned to the front and flipped a few pages in her book. “Wasn’t expecting … quite that much magical feedback …” She shook her head and nearly fell over again from dizziness. “Oof. You probably thought that was funny, if you can sense anything here. You’re right, I’m not examining an object that’s been touched by magic, I’m examining an imprisoned spirit of chaos that’s made out of magic. I should have known better.” She read over a few paragraphs to put her head in order and straightened up. “Okay, let’s try that again, this time with my defenses up.”

She touched Discord with her magic again, ready for the strength of the connection, and looked the statue over again. “… Interesting.” She circled around him, looking at the writhing pattern of magic strands. “There you are underneath, while the stone is … both a completely solid rock all the way through, and also a thin shell encasing your body at the same time. It’s a complex weave of different layers of friendship magic. Cast by the six of us, judging by the colors. The weave appears to be …”

She stepped closer. A network of strands wove in and out and around each other in layer after layer, in a pattern both uniform and too complicated to follow. “It’s like … a wicker basket, if you stacked fifteen baskets on top of each other and re-wove them all together. And—” She scrunched her eyes and looked past the prison, at the writhing mass of orange pulsing in the center, shooting tendrils of power like sun flares to reach out, then twist and tumble back in on itself. “—it both seals you and redirects your force away from the barrier. It’s probably difficult for you to even touch the bottom layers at all.”

She stepped back and looked at the statue as a whole. “… Probably not impossible though, and the parts you touched would have its pattern naturally broken, order falling into chaos. It’s … almost surprising this can hold you at all …” She frowned and stepped back further, tuning and refining her senses. “Oh, I see,” she said, settling on a swirl of energy extending away from the barrier and into the air. Not an active spell, but the signs of a magical connection leading back somewhere else. “The pattern is self-healing. It’s powered by the elements of harmony and their connection to us. That’s how you managed to escape before, the elements were no longer connected to Princess Celestia or Luna, so your cage stopped getting fixed.”

Twilight smiled in satisfaction and circled back to her book. “That tells me you’re probably not behind this, but I can’t discount the possibility that you might be able to squirm your way through the pattern, if only a tiny amount. And a tiny amount is probably all you’d need for all of this, isn’t it?” She clenched her teeth and shifted focus again. “Rrgh …” she groaned as she went from one spectrum of energy to another in a search for anything strange. The appearance of the statue changed with each shift, like she was cycling through a series of sunglasses with different types of lenses. The pattern changed to a hazy glow, then to pitch blackness, then to a shimmering dance of energy, all while Twilight grinded her teeth and looked for any signs of Discord leaking out. “Not … seeing … anything …” She released the spell and pulled in a deep breath.

“Hoo … I understand why wizards charge so much for this.” She rubbed her forehead and sat down. “You might be innocent, for once in your life. One last thing to check. If I’m even capable of checking it.” She turned back a few pages in the hex-breaking book, sat down, and read through the magical theory doubtfully. “I understand how this is supposed to work, but … well, I have to try.”

She lifted the serving tray in her magic. “Okay. I know this was stolen by whoever or whatever is doing all of this, and if you’ve ever cast a spell on it, I should be able to tell. I hope. If the seal doesn’t interfere too much.” She steeled herself and connected to the statue again. Moving the tray, she floated it around Discord’s head and arms, spinning it like a gyroscope and holding her eyes wide open, her mouth pressed into a thin line. She flared her nostrils as she worked, looking for any connection, however fleeting. After a few minutes, she let the tray drop to the grass and bowed her head to take several deep breaths.

“Okay …” She wiped the sweat from her brow and held her chest as she sat down. “To the best of my ability … I’ve ruled you out. I can’t say it’s impossible that you’re behind this, but I’m close to certain that you aren’t. And at this point, I think I just have to take that as the answer, or else I’m in conspiracy theory territory.”

Twilight inhaled deeply and let out a long and steadying sigh. She felt light-headed and shaky, like she’d just sprinted the last quarter of the running of the leaves. She doubted she would have felt any better if she were in top form, but the day felt longer and more draining than ever. She rubbed her eyes. Her eyelids felt hot and sticky.

“Ugh. So with you ruled out, that means it can only be … oh, I don’t know.” She grumbled and shrugged, letting her hooves drop to her lap. “I’m tired. I’m tired, and I don’t care. This is Basil Bones’ problem, not mine. I’m going to go home and not think about this anymore, and Basil will do whatever he does until he leaves Ponyville and the only time I’ll ever have to think about him is when one of his articles comes out in the paper. And if it’s all a big con game for bits and glory, more power to him. I’m done.”

She stood up, slid open her saddle bag, and stuffed the book and tray away next to the coffee cups, then turned back towards the entrance where Shieldstruck was waiting and she could thank him. Maybe she could even stop in and find Rarity in town before she headed back—the newspaper was gone.

Twilight stopped and frowned in irritation. She slipped the bag open again and looked, pushing the book aside one way and then the other. She rolled her eyes and pulled the book back out, looking for where the newspaper had slipped down towards the bottom of the bag. She shifted the rest of the contents around back and forth, clinking the mugs together, but the newspaper hadn’t settled down to the bottom as far as she could se. She set the book on the ground, floated out the pack of caramels and mugs, then upended the bag and shook it.

An acorn plopped down on the grass.

Twilight’s eyes widened. Her mouth went dry and she spun in place, looking for anypony around in the gardens. The yard stretching up to the castle was open and empty, and the hedge maze stood bare and still, with the closest opening to the inside several dozen yards away. “Wha … who …” She slapped at the clasp of her bag, trying to remember if she’d closed it all the way when she started work or not. “How …” She sat down hard.

“It can’t … nopony could have …” Panic shot up her spine. She shook her head violently and swung around to her things. Everything else was still there and she loaded them back into her bag, looking around wildly for some sign of a thief ready to snatch something else away. She snapped the bag shut tight and held it closed with a hoof. The single acorn stared up at her from the grass, and shaking, she lifted it in her magic, trying to focus and find some sign of a spell, trace it back to something that made sense, but her thoughts wouldn’t quiet down and she couldn’t concentrate. Her horn flared twice, and the acorn burst into flames.

She eeped and snuffed out the fire. She let the ash fall and slumped against the hedge. “Calm down, I have to calm down.” She almost felt like she’d grasped hold of Discord’s magic with her guard down again. “Freaking out won’t solve anything. Just breathe.”

Several long and steadying breaths later, she stood up and looked back at Discord. “… If I could blame this on you, I would.” She glared and clenched her jaw, knowing she couldn’t. She turned around and marched back towards the garden entrance. As she went, her speed increased.

“I have to think about this logically,” she said. “How and who I can figure out later, it’s the why that’s important right now.” She skidded out of a run as she passed the guards long enough to call back over her shoulder at Shieldstruck, “I’m all set thanks for everything we’ll have to have coffee together next time in town but I gotta go now byyyyye!” before running full force back into Canterlot’s town square. “That was definitely to get my attention. And taking the newspaper article was a statement. Was the statement that I’m on the wrong track suspecting Basil Bones of running a con, or was it Basil Bones trying to cover his hoofprints? I hope the trains are timed right, I need to get back to Ponyville as quickly as possible.”

“Twilight! Twi!”

Rainbow’s voice carried from overhead and she screeched to a halt over the cobblestones. She looked up and saw Rainbow Dash circling around and searching block after block. “Rainbow!?” she called.

Pulling up, Rainbow spun towards Twilight, then dove down to the street. “There you are! I gotta talk to you.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Huh? Oh, Fluttershy told me you were heading here.”

Twilight nodded and rubbed her face. “Well it’s not that I’m not happy to see you, because I really am, but we need to get back to Ponyville as quickly as possible.”

“What?”

“It’s a long story, we need to get to the train station.” She turned and headed back along the street at a brisk pace. Rainbow sputtered and followed, catching back up with her in a few moments. “How long ago did your train get here? Do you know if it’s heading straight back?”

“Train? I just flew here. Listen, I—”

“Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.” The crowd of ponies thickened and she had to slow down. “Did Fluttershy tell you why I came here? No, nevermind, of course she didn’t, I didn’t tell her why I was coming.” Rainbow grunted as she was forced into Twilight’s side by the milling crowd. Twilight pushed forward, angling them both in the direction of the train station, but it was like trying to swim upstream.

Rainbow grumbled and slipped back behind Twilight so they could walk in a single file. “Where the heck did all these ponies come from? It’s like a movie just got out from everywhere.”

“I think it’s time for the evening work-shift change, so it pretty much is exactly that. Come on, we’re almost there, hopefully we can catch the next—” a steam-whistle howled in the distance “…train.” She groaned and stopped pushing forward, letting herself get jostled.

“Twi, listen,” Rainbow said as she tried to move up next to Twilight, before getting knocked back into their single file. “I really gotta talk to you about something.”

“Can it wait?” Twilight charged into the crowd again, half wanting to generate a snow plow out of magic and hold it in front of them. “I’m not trying to blow you off, I swear, this is just really important.”

“…Yeah, it can wait.” There was another sputter of annoyance as a crowd of school foals poured around them. “This is dumb, hold on.” She opened her wings and lifted off the ground. She scooped Twilight up around the middle and rose several feet above the multitude. “There! That’s better.”

Twilight smiled and held onto Rainbow’s legs as they flew over the cacophony of the street and touched down on the train platform. She scanned the board behind the ticket salespony, then drooped her ears and whined. “That was the train to Ponyville. The next one doesn’t leave for an hour.” She rubbed her forehead and sat down.

“What’s the big rush, anyway? What happened, Twi?”

Twilight huffed through her snout, and looked at Rainbow. “There isn’t much of a rush anymore, I guess. Anyway, I came here to check on Discord.”

Rainbow’s brows shot up and she opened her wings. “Discord? Is he—he isn’t out again, right?”

“No, he’s …” Twilight looked at Rainbow’s wings. “Rainbow … how tiring would it be to fly me back to Ponyville?”

“Eh?” She frowned, then shrugged. “No sweat. You barely weigh a thing.”

“I’m going to hope that isn’t you trying to flatter me. Come on, let’s go. Better for me to hold onto your back, or for you to carry me?”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “What, like, right now?”

“Yes, right now! We need to get back to Ponyville and talk to Basil Bones.”

“Ugh, that guy again? I thought we were done with him.”

“I’ll explain on the way, now come on, do you want me on top or bottom? I didn’t mean it like that, stop snickering!” She glared at Rainbow, who covered her mouth.

“Okay, okay, jeeze. Here, climb aboard, just don’t grab on around my neck.” Rainbow turned around, sat down, and spread her wings.

Twilight hugged Rainbow around the shoulders and pressed into her girlfriend’s back. A sly grin tugged at the corners of her mouth and she leaned forward to whisper into Rainbow’s ear. “Now call me daddy.”

Rainbow’s wings faltered as she burst into laughter.

Twilight tried to swallow her giggles. “Sorry, sorry, couldn’t help myself, come on, let’s go.”

Rainbow stuffed her hoof in her mouth and reined herself back under control. “Wow, thank Celestia you said that before I took off, or we would’ve crashed. All right, here we go, daddy.” She lifted up off the ground and carried them above the buildings, banking in the direction of Ponyville.

Twilight squinted against the wind. She repositioned herself to be comfortable, trying to stay out of the way of Rainbow’s wings and being careful to keep her grip from being a strangle. She noticed she was still smiling. It felt like a weight had been taken off her and a lot of her panic and worry had gone with it. She nuzzled Rainbow’s mane. “Mm, you smell nice.”

“Eh?” Rainbow’s head turned for a moment, then snapped back forward. “Can’t hear you, Twi. So what’s going on? What’s up with Discord?”

Twilight raised her head and spoke louder. “He’s still trapped, and I’m pretty sure he isn’t behind this at all.”

“What’s ‘pretty sure’ mean? It is Discord we’re talking about here.”

“Sure enough that it’d be crazy to try and blame him without any new evidence first. He’s trapped inside the statue by a web of magic that pulls its strength from the Elements of Harmony, and I wore myself out trying to find any sign of him getting through it by even the tiniest amount. And what’s more …” She moved a hoof to open her saddlebag, then thought the better of it and grabbed back onto Rainbow’s chest. “What’s more is while I was casting spells and looking for any sign of him getting free, Diamond Acorn stole something out of my bag.”

“What?” Rainbow stopped short in flight, jittering up a few feet. Twilight slid forward across Rainbow’s back and she squeaked in alarm. Rainbow flinched and sped up again, settling them both down. “He stole something? And we’re using that dumb name?”

“For now. And yes, I had the newspaper article that you showed me in my saddlebag when I got to the gardens, and when I was leaving, it was gone, and there was an acorn in its place.”

“I’ll be damned. Did you see anypony who could’ve taken it?”

“Not at all, which was the most worrying part. The gardens were closed to the public today. I didn’t see anypony besides the guards, and the groundskeepers weren’t working anywhere near me. I basically had the place to myself.”

“Could the guards’ve taken it?”

“N…” Twilight frowned. “I don’t think so? One of them was Shieldstruck.”

Rainbow glanced back again for a moment. “That name supposed to mean something to me?”

“No, no, Shieldstruck is just an old friend. He’s been a guard at the palace since I was a filly. He’s kind of like an uncle to me.”

“And you’re not feeling like accusing your uncle of stealing from you, and also being a nutbag thief who leaves acorns everywhere?”

“Not feeling like it, and also the thought of it being possibly true makes my head hurt. He would have had to be in Ponyville to steal your mug and the crusaders’ wheel, then have gotten back in time for guard duty before I got there. And he isn’t a pegasus who could have flown to and from.”

“So not impossible, but really, really dumb.”

“Extremely.” Twilight drew her brows together and tilted her head. “There was another guard there I didn’t recognize. He was a little younger than me, and a cadet, I think Shieldstruck said his name was Spear something.”

“Pegasus, unicorn, or earth pony?”

“Pegasus. Which doesn’t make him any more likely than Shieldstruck, honestly. Cadets don’t have a lot of free-time.”

Rainbow didn’t say anything for a moment. “… So … do we think this guy’s a pegasus?”

“Oh, uh. Not really.” Twilight sighed. “I don’t think we have enough information to think anything yet, though I think it’s probably unlikely that it’s a unicorn, or if it is then they’re not using magic in their thefts.”

“Why? You got some sorta anti-magic thingie going on with your saddlebag?”

“No, nothing like that. I just spent a long time looking over one of the dishes from Fluttershy’s tea set to see if there was any trace of magic still on it from somepony casting a spell, and I didn’t find anything. I can’t say for sure that I didn’t miss something, since I don’t have a huge amount of experience with that type of work, but I’m pretty sure that nopony’s touched it with magic in a long time.”

“Huh. Yeah, that probably makes it super unlikely that it’s a unicorn. You ponies can’t even brush your teeth without making everything fly around the room. No offense.”

“Are you kidding? Do you know how jealous I am that you can brush your teeth with a hoof? I’d end up stabbing myself in the eye.” Twilight smiled, then frowned in thought. “Those are levitation spells, though.”

“Does that matter?”

“They don’t affect objects in a meaningful way, it’s more like picking something up with a hoof than casting a spell on it. Any trace of a levitation spell would probably be gone in a matter of hours, if not minutes.”

Rainbow slowed down and looked over her shoulder long enough to make eye contact with Twilight. “And, uh, you don’t think that picking stuff up and making it float through the air with nopony needing to be, like, at the scene of the crime, like where you could see them in some gardens or something, is the type of spell a unicorn would use to steal something?”

“… Shut up.” She smiled despite herself and shook her head. “No, you’re right, I guess it doesn’t rule out a unicorn at all, just a more advanced form of magic like summoning or duplication.” She pursed her lips. “Though if we have a suspect, I could probably tell if they interacted with the dish before, having a subject and an object makes tracing that sort of thing a lot easier.”

“Is that what you were doing with Discord?”

“Yes, exactly.” She crinkled her snout. She had an itch but was afraid to take a hoof off of Rainbow. “Hold on. Don’t freak out.” She leaned forward and rubbed her face on Rainbow’s neck.

“Augh, stop that, I’m trying to fly here!”

“That’s why I told you not to freak out.” She grinned and looked down past Rainbow’s shoulder at the green expanse beneath them. She glanced back and the shrinking silhouette of Canterlot against the mountains. “We aren’t far from Ponyville, are we? That was fast.”

“Of course it was.”

“Did we pass the train? I’m not even sure where the track is, related to us.”

“Over to the right. And we passed the train ages ago.”

“Good, that’s good. That makes this better in some ways.”

“Eh?”

Twilight straightened up. “Part of why I was in such a hurry to get to the train before it left was to find out if Basil Bones had followed me to Canterlot. Trains to and from Ponyville don’t run constantly, if he had followed me and stole the paper, he would probably be taking that train to try and get back to Ponyville without having been noticed as gone.”

“Ah, I gotcha, you were hoping to search the train for him, and now we can be there before it even gets back.”

“Right. It wouldn’t rule anything out if we don’t find him taking the train, as he could have followed and gone back using some other way, but if we do, that makes things a lot more clear.”

“So you think he’s really the pony behind all of this?”

“I have no idea.” She sighed and drooped her head against the nape of Rainbow’s neck. “It doesn’t make much sense that he would also be Diamond Acorn, but it doesn’t make any less sense for Diamond Acorn to be somepony else. I think all we can do right now is to try and eliminate as much of the possibility that it is him that we can.”

“So step one is to try and catch him getting off the train?”

“Yes, though I think step one is I try to catch him getting off the train, while you try to find him somewhere else in Ponyville before the train arrives. That way if you do find him, we don’t have to worry about checking everypony getting off the train to see if they might be Basil Bones in disguise, and also make it even less likely that he followed me. I doubt there are many sources of long-distance travel that would take less time than flying with you.”

“You know it.” Rainbow dropped into a dive for a few feet, making Twilight gasp. “Good thing you found out he took—eh, I guess I mean somepony took the paper, like, just after they did it.”

Twilight let out a long sigh. “Maybe. I don’t know exactly when it was taken. I know I had it when I was going through all of the things I had with me right before getting to the royal gardens, and I discovered it was gone right as I was about to leave. I’d like to think that it only could have been stolen during my tests when I was really distracted, but I honestly can’t discount either Shieldstruck or Cadet Spear Something as innocent beyond it not making sense for them to have taken it. They very well could have, or somepony else could have taken it at the same time without them noticing, somehow. I assume thieves are pretty good at taking things without anypony noticing, if they stay thieves for long.”

Rainbow grunted. “How long are we talking about, then? If somepony took it right after you saw it last.”

“I don’t know, half an hour to forty-five minutes? I’m not entirely sure what time it is now.”

“Don’t look at me, I dunno.”

“Hmm.” She rested her chin on Rainbow’s back for a moment. “Thinking through it, I know that my train arrived in Canterlot at a quarter past four and the walk to the gardens is maybe ten minutes, and that train we missed left the station at five thirty. That’s a window of an hour and five minutes.” Twilight squinted in the direction of the sun, sinking through the sky and growing orange. “How long have we been flying now?”

Rainbow shrugged under Twilight’s hooves. “Maybe fifteen minutes? Also we’re here.” She angled down and swooped into a spiral.

Twilight looked towards the ground and saw the Ponyville train station swinging in and out of view. “Wow, we definitely beat the train.”

“Yeah, we got plenty of time.” She touched down on the platform.

“We do, and so did Basil.” Twilight slipped off of Rainbow’s back and gingerly touched the ground with her hooves, feeling unsteady. “Oof. That wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great, either.” She shook her head and wobbled off-balance.

Rainbow snickered and jittered her wings before folding them to her sides. “Yeah, I’d rather fly long ways like that alone, if it’s all the same to you. “

Twilight smiled, then scratched her snout with a hoof. “Oh, Luna, I needed that. Anyway, four twenty-five to …” she looked at the clock above the ticketing booth. “Five fifty. Meaning Basil had an hour and twenty-five minutes at the most, which wouldn’t be difficult to do.”

Rainbow turned and squinted at the timetable above the ticket salespony’s head. “He couldn’t have taken a train, unless he ran and got back on the same one you two got off from. The one we missed’s the only train since then.”

She looked over the timetable and nodded slowly. “It’s possible he could have gotten back on the same train, but that’s a very tight window. And even if he didn’t, there are other ways he could have come back that would fit in the schedule. A taxi could get him here without too much trouble.” She shook her head and touched Rainbow’s shoulder. “We’re wasting time. The train will get here in about ten minutes, let’s try and find him before then. You try to spot him from above, I’ll see if I can find somepony to ask. The crusaders may have decided to follow him, and Pinkie probably knows what he’s been up to, so I’ll try and—”

A familiar voice floated from around the corner of the station. “For the last time, Madam, I don’t do card tricks.” Basil stomped by, followed by a merrily bouncing Pinkie Pie. “I am not a magician, I am a detective.”

“A detective, eh? Pull a rabbit out of a hat!”

“Do you not know what a detective is?”

“Oh, do I know what a detective is!”

As Basil disappeared from view, making a strangled growl of impotent rage, Twilight sighed and lowered her head. “Well, that was easy.”

Pinkie’s voice carried the question over to them, “How can you be so bad at blowing bubbles that they turn into smoke? That’s gotta be magic!” and Rainbow hid a snicker behind her hoof.

“Okay,” Twilight said and straightened up. “New plan. You ask Pinkie if she knows what Basil’s been doing for the last hour and a half, and I’ll deal with him.”

“All right, but if ‘deal with him’ means kicking him in the stomach, I’m gonna be angry you stuck me with Pinkie.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “No, no kicking. I’m afraid dealing with him means something you’re really not going to like.” She let a long breath out through her snout and stepped off the platform to follow Basil and Pinkie into town. “First step is verifying as best I can that he had nothing to do with what happened in Canterlot, or anything else that Diamond Acorn has stolen.”

Rainbow kept pace with Twilight and nodded. “And step two?”

“If we decide he’s innocent, I’m afraid we have no other choice.” She pressed her lips together in a thin line. “We have to team up with him.”

Rainbow groaned. “You’re right, I don’t like it.”

“Neither do I.” They sped up and headed into the town square.




> Chapter 10
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rainbow muttered under her breath and glanced around the square.  It was fast approaching dinner time, and she didn’t understand why so many ponies were still wandering around like they had nothing to do except get in the way of her seeing either Basil Bones or Pinkie Pie.  She opened her wings, ready to get a better view, when she heard Basil’s voice off to her left.  She nudged Twilight and pointed.

“They don’t need to cover all of my eyes, because I only need them for reading.” Basil spat, sitting on a bench and trying to hide from Pinkie behind a newspaper.

“Ooh, neat!  How do you read stuff without using your eyes, then?  Can you teach me?”  Pinkie crumpled the top half of the paper into Basil’s lap and grinned at him.

Rainbow felt torn.  On the one hoof, Twilight’s plan made sense.  On the other hoof, it would be a shame to distract Pinkie from torturing Basil.  She grinned to herself and took a breath to call out to Pinkie, before Twilight grabbed her shoulder.

“Hold on.”

“All right, cool, this is too good to get in the middle of.”

“Not that, the newspaper.”

Rainbow raised her eyebrows and looked at the paper Basil yanked away from Pinkie and shook back into shape.  “You think …?”

“We have to check.  Take it from him when you pull Pinkie aside.”

“What, steal it from him?  Twilight,” she admonished, “when did you start being cool?”

Twilight glared.  “Don’t steal it, just borrow it without waiting for an answer.  Anyway, it doesn’t count as theft if you give it right back, I don’t think.”

“And back to boring,” she teased.  “Fine, whatever, I got it.”  She turned back and called out Pinkie’s name as she trotted over.

“Ooh, hi Dashie!” Pinkie bounced up and waved.  Basil’s glasses were pinched into place on her snout.  “You look funny!”

“So do you, you look like a grandma in those.”  She looked at Basil, who looked back with a strange mixture of fear and relief.  “Gotta borrow Pinkie for a sec, you don’t mind, right?  Also borrowing this.”  She bit down on the newspaper and snatched it away from him as she herded Pinkie off to the side.

“Hey, I was reading that!” he scoffed.

“Not without your glasses!” she called back around the paper.  She pushed Pinkie around the corner of the building and spat the paper out.  “Pinkie, I gotta ask you something.”

“Is it if wearing somepony else’s glasses makes you dizzy and barfy?  Because I know the answer to that.”  She wobbled and sat down.

Rainbow smiled and shook her head.  “Nah, it’s about Basil.  Me and Twi haven’t been around, do you know what he’s been up to for the last hour and a half?”

“Oh, what hasn’t he been up to?”  She looked at Rainbow cross-eyed through the lenses and tapped her chin.  “Probably flying.  Or knitting.  Or doing cartwheels.  Or knitting while flying in cartwheels.  This game is fun!  Now you do one.”

Rainbow rubbed the bridge of her snout.  “Pinkie …”

“Oh, sorry, you wanted me to answer your question.  It’s hard to think when half of everything is really blurry.”

Rainbow reached up and popped the half-moon spectacles off of Pinkie’s face and dropped them onto the newspaper.  “Better?”

Pinkie rubbed her eyes and jumped back to her hooves.  “Yes, much!  So Basil, huh?  What do you want to know?”

“Just if you know where he’s been for the last hour and a half.”

“Nope!”

Rainbow frowned in thought and nodded.  “Okay, then maybe …”  She refocused on Pinkie.  “What can you tell me about what he’s been doing?  Me and Twilight saw you asking him questions from the train station.”

“Well, I started talking to him when he came into Sugar Cube Corner asking if we had any trifle, and when I tried to sell him a pound of it, he got sad and asked for a cupcake instead.”  Pinkie shrugged and shook her head.  “Don’t ask me why he didn’t want trifle all of a sudden.  Maybe a whole pound was too much of a hard sell.”

“I don’t think he actually wanted any … nevermind, anyway, then what happened?”

“He ate his cupcake, which cheered him way up, and he said it was, ‘remarkably constructed and expertly assembled considering the venue,’ which I think was supposed to be a compliment.”

Pinkie’s voice yo-yoing between her own and a startlingly accurate impression of Basil made the hair on Rainbow’s neck stand on end.

“So then I thought to myself that this poor pony is all alone in a strange town full of strangers and doesn’t have any friends here and that I should be his friend!  And my shift was over, so I decided to show him the sights!”  Her grin sunk to a puzzled frown.  “Which as I think about it wasn’t so much me showing him the sights as him running through the sights away from me.  He’s a tough cookie to crumble, that one.”

“Uh huh.”  Rainbow grinned in amusement.  “Don’t worry, Pinkie, you’ll break him into pieces eventually.  So what time did he come in to get that cupcake?  Do you know?”

“Yep!  A quarter ‘til five.  I know because my shift ended at five, right on the button.”  She booped Rainbow’s snout.

“…So you know where he’s been for every minute of the last hour and fifteen minutes.”

“Hour and twenty minutes!  Unless he ran off somewhere with Twilight while we weren’t looking.”  She peeked around the corner.  “Still there!”

Rainbow groaned.  “But you said you didn’t know where he was!”

“For the last hour and a half, silly Dashie.   I have no idea where he was for the ten minutes at the start!”

Sighing, Rainbow held up her hooves in surrender.  “You’re right, my mistake.  Anyway, thanks, that totally answers my question.”  She turned her attention to the newspaper.  Basil’s glasses had landed directly over the headline, magnifying the date to large, easily-readable numerals.  “Aaaaand this is today’s paper.  Great.”  She scooped the paper and glasses up and turned around.  “I gotta go talk to Twi.  You coming, too?  I bet you softened Basil up real good and he’s ready to snap any minute now.”

“Nah, all this cookie-talk’s got me hungry again.  I’m gonna go fix that.  With chocolate chips.  Have fun figuring out who Diamond Acorn is!”

Rainbow stopped dead and whipped around, watching Pinkie hop away.  “What?  Pinkie, how did—?”

Pinkie shouted back, “I bet it’s the butler, the butler always did it!” as she rounded a corner and disappeared.

Rainbow rubbed her face, shoved that tangled nightmare of questions somewhere deep inside, and headed back towards Twilight and Basil.

“Hey, Twi, so …”  She trailed off as she got closer.  Basil sat perfectly still on the bench, making a face like he was trying to look dignified but landing somewhere closer to an irritated cat.  Twilight’s horn glowed with magic that slowly shifted colors.  “Um … what are you doing?”

“Testing,” Twilight replied through gritted teeth.  She floated Rainbow’s mug out of her saddlebag.

“I have nothing to hide,” Basil grumbled, trying to move his lips as little as possible, “but nothing can be proven with that mug, madam.  If you recall, I was the one who retrieved it from the tree, using magic.”

“The mug … isn’t … the important thing …”  She scrunched her eyes shut with effort.  The mug settled on the bench with a clunk, and a tiny silver tray lifted out from inside of it.  “You … only used your hoof … when you … picked this up.”

Some of the annoyance loosened from his expression.  “Indeed.  Well, go ahead, I’m ready.”

Rainbow’s brow knit.  “Wait, did you just tell him everything?  Just like that?”

Twilight grunted through grit teeth and her magic wavered.

Basil huffed, then said, “I have been made aware that some sort of theft occurred in Canterlot, and have given my consent to be subjected to magical tests in order to clear my involvement in the matter.  I assume more information will be forthcoming afterwards.”

“We’ll … see …” Twilight forced out, floating the tray between her and Basil.  Both of them took a deep breath and braced themselves.

Rainbow watched the cloud of magic around Twilight’s head stretch out and connect with Basil’s horn.  Both he and Twilight flinched, then resettled.  She watched them with her eyebrows firmly raised, then with her brows half raised, then slumped against the wall with her hooves crossed.  “Magic takes too long,” she muttered.

Twilight let out a breath and the cloud of color faded.  The tray dropped straight down, and Rainbow shot out a hoof to catch it.  She tinked it back into the mug.  “So?”

“Yes,” Basil grumbled, “what is your verdict?”

“There’s no sign of any magical interaction between you and the tray.”  Twilight rubbed an eye, looking more bleary and bloodshot than she’d looked when Rainbow saw her in the morning, pre-coffee.  “Which, barring something to the contrary from Rainbow, puts you in the clear.”  She looked at Rainbow.  “Was there anything to the contrary?”

“Huh?”

Twilight’s eye twitched.  “Did you learn anything interesting from Pinkie.”

“Oh.  Yeah, he’s been here the whole time.  Pinkie’s been bugging him since four forty-five.”  She grinned, and glanced at Basil.  “Oh, here, take your stuff back.”  She shoved him his newspaper and glasses.

He grunted and set the glasses back on the bridge of his snout.  “I don’t know that I could classify it as ‘bugging’ me, though my conversation with miss Pinkie was certainly one-sided.  If anything, I suppose she provided me with a sufficiently trustworthy alibi.”  He smiled indulgently.

“That’s still a window of twenty minutes, which we know isn’t impossible,” Twilight said.  “We just made the journey from Canterlot to Ponyville in twenty minutes.”

Rainbow frowned and narrowed her eyes at Basil.

Basil’s expression flipped to sharp and focused.  “I wouldn’t have had the help of a pegasus in peak physical condition, but you are correct, that voyage isn’t beyond the scope of a pony with their mind set to it.  It is certainly a tight window, but not insurmountable.  And I suspect that nopony involved was strictly checking the time at every step along the way; the theft could have happened five minutes sooner, and my arrival in one of the finest single-proprietor bakeries in all of Equestria that I have encountered may have been five minutes later.  A half hour trip could be handled by taxi with a generous enough tip.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow.  “The heck are you helping us for?”

“Hmn?”  He blinked and his expression softened.  “Ah, well, you must understand that reasoning and conjecture are the crafts of my trade.  I find it quite difficult to, ah, turn them off, as they say.”

She shrugged and turned to Twilight.  “And that’s today’s paper, if it matters.”

“Not in a way that simplifies anything.”  She sighed and asked Basil, “Is there anypony else who could account for your whereabouts between four twenty-five and four forty-five?”

He frowned and rubbed his chin.  “I am uncertain.  Before I entered miss Pinkie’s establishment, I had helped a young mare in the marketplace with a case of theft.  Some bits had gone missing from her register.”  His ears drooped and he glared.  “The resolution being that she had miscounted the drawer.  A rather lackluster use of my talents, standing in as a living abacus.”

Twilight nodded and rolled her eyes in Rainbow’s direction.  “Who was this?”

“Ah, I’m afraid her name escapes me.  Young mare, with a light tan coat and a red mane, done in a similar style to miss Rainbow’s.  Her business is selling roses and flower arrangements.”

“Roseluck,” Rainbow and Twilight said at the same time.

“A fitting name.”

Twilight tapped her chin.  “How long did it take?  And when was this exactly?”

“I’m afraid I was not watching a clock, either.  The trifle took perhaps two minutes to resolve, as a recount of her monetary stores was the first order of business, but when those two minutes occurred is up for debate.  I passed by a few other vendors for scant moments between there and entering the bakery, so if that final stop-in took place at four forty-five exactly, I would surmise my assistance with young miss Roseluck occurred between four thirty-five and four-forty.”

“Well, that’s a close enough range that it would put you in the clear.”  Twilight smiled at Rainbow.  “I think we can settle this pretty quickly.

Basil drew his brow together.  “You are free to ask her to corroborate, but I have doubts as to the utility of her testimony.”

Twilight raised her eyebrows, and Rainbow swallowed a groan.  “What now?”

“Well, miss Roseluck was rather busy managing customers at the same time as I was providing my assistance, and without a landmark in time to compare the event against, I suspect she would be unable to give as finely tuned a range for when it happened.  Had you not told me that I had entered miss Pinkie’s establishment at four forty-five, I believe I would only have been able to narrow down that event to sometime after four o’clock.”

The three sat in silence for a moment.  Basil tapped the ashes out of his pipe on the edge of the bench and struck it back to life with the flash of his horn.  “…Yes, thinking it over, I am afraid that is the extent of my ability to defend myself.  I could recount further incidents and trifles going back further in the day, but I believe the most recent one where both I and my client could account for the time would have taken place at half past three, which I believe would still give me time to have caught the train to Canterlot alongside you, miss Twilight.  This is as far as the line goes for my defense.”

Twilight let out a long breath.  “Yes, I think you’re right.”

Rainbow shuffled her hooves.  “So … what do we do now?”

Standing still for a moment with her expression firm, Twilight turned to Basil.  “I think it’s time to tell you everything we know.”

Rainbow groaned.





Twilight glared up at the tree branch, and the gentle snoring drifting down.  She hunkered down in the bush and searched the ground for a rock.  She found a small one between the roots and flung it up into the tree.

Rainbow jerked, flailing her legs and grabbing back onto the branch. “Augh, I’m awake, jeeze.”  She looked down from the tree branch at Twilight, who grinned up at her from the bushes.

“You’re awake now,” Twilight said.

“You’re the one who said I should stand guard in a…”  She interrupted herself with a yawn.  “In a comfy bed.”  She looked out over the park at the cutie mark crusaders, and Twilight followed her gaze.  Scootaloo whirled around in circles on her scooter, while Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom sat at a picnic table with an odd cluster of objects spread out over the surface.  The whole field was bathed in a red glow from the setting sun.  “Plus nothing’s happening.”

“Yet.”

“Well, cut me some slack, it’s been a long day.”

Twilight’s voice grew thin and weary.  “It really has.”  She perked up.  “But despite that, this plan is a reasonable one, provided we’re both paying attention.”

“I guess …”

“Paying attention and not drawing attention by making a bunch of noise.”  She shot a pointed look up, then turned her attention back out towards the clearing.

Scootaloo continued her circles, and while she wasn’t being clumsy on her scooter, Twilight could tell something was off, even from the distance.  It was completely obvious how wooden she was, with her front legs locked straight on the handlebars and her neck fully extended, eyes darting around the clearing.  And while she rode, she whistled.  Whistled in a nonchalant manner.  Anypony in the world would guess that she was up to something.  Sweetie and Apple Bloom weren’t much better as they looked around the clearing constantly, turning their heads up and down the pathway, stealing glances over towards where she and Rainbow were hidden, and rechecking the table over and over again.

Rainbow leaned off the branch and said to Twilight, “I think the CMC could use some acting lessons.”

“Shh.”

The sound of Apple Bloom’s voice drifted over to them, spoken far louder than necessary for either Sweetie or Scootaloo to hear.  “Sure is nice sittin’ here with all this stuff we like that ain’t worth too much.  Wouldn’t make no sense if’n somepony wanted to take somethin’.  An’ if they did, it ain’t like we’d even notice.”

Twilight groaned despite herself.  She heard Rainbow snicker.

The light grew darker and shifted to purple as Twilight watched.  Scootaloo continued her circles while Sweetie and Apple Bloom fidgeted and pretended to talk.  Rainbow wasn’t wrong that not all that much was happening, but Twilight knew that was kind of the point.  She tried her best to stay focused and ignore the throbbing headache, looking for any signs of something out of the ordinary.  When the sunlight slipped away from the trees and the crickets started up, she could hear squirming from Rainbow, probably trying to get comfortable.  She bit down an admonishment and tried to bury her annoyance.  It wasn’t like she was having the time of her life in a bush.

Rainbow jutted off the branch and looked at her.  “Please can we talk?  There’s nothing here, all I’ve seen is some birds.  I’m about to crash hard.”

“No, just stay awake, shh.”

“I can’t.  Couldn’t you just cast that silence spell thingie again?”

She looked up and pressed her mouth into a thin line.  “Then we’d be sticking out due to a big bubble of glowing magic.  And we wouldn’t be able to see or hear what’s going on with the crusaders very well.  Just try and keep awake for a bit longer.”  She turned back to look through the bushes.

“We could be here all night at this rate.  Come on, nopony’d fall for this.”

Twilight gave Rainbow a flat look, then let out a breath and gave up on the hope for silence.  “If nothing happens soon, we’ll stop and regroup; we can’t be here all night because the fillies are going to need to go home soon.  You’re right that they might not be the ideal bait for Diamond Acorn, but I did promise to keep them up to date with what’s happening, and they wanted to be included.  On the other hoof, we know that Diamond Acorn is messing with the three of us, and that striking now, while we’re specifically looking for him would be one of the best ways to do that.”

“Yeah, okay,” Rainbow grumbled, “but how?  It’s so totally a trap from a thousand miles away.  If he’d fall for something like this, Basil’d have caught him by now.  A blind mule listening to heavy metal during a stampede could’ve caught him.”

Twilight rolled her eyes.  “It’s the challenge of it that would attract him.  He’d just wait for the perfect moment when we’re all supposed to be paying attention, but get distracted at just the right moment where he could slip in without getting noticed and—”

“Ah-hah!” shouted Basil, making them both jump and snap their attention back out to the park.

Basil had leapt from his hiding spot on the other side of the crusaders into the clearing.  His horn flashed and Twilight saw a shadow dart away to the west, back towards town.  As she scrambled up and out of the bush, she heard a crash and a surprised shriek.

Rainbow flew in front of Twilight landed on the path in front of a squirming bundle of blankets.  “Wha?”  Rainbow poked the bundle with a hoof and Twilight heard a muffled whimper as she drew to a stop right next to Rainbow.

Basil and the fillies joined the group just as Rainbow circled around to the other side, with her brows knit together in confusion.  “Wait, you set a trap?  With a rope and bag?  Like in a movie?”

“Of course I did.  It was part of the preparations.”  Basil straightened his glasses and circled around the struggling pony.  “The preparations I informed you about, during which you were not paying attention.”

Rainbow looked over to Twilight, who gave her a look telling her that Basil was right.  She grumbled and rolled her eyes.

“Now then!”  Basil hefted in his magic one end of the rope tying the bag up.  “To find out the truth and put this long journey to rest!”  He tugged and the knot came loose.  “Careful, don’t let him escape!”  He flung back the blankets.

Fluttershy shivered in a ball on the ground.

“F…Fluttershy?”  Twilight said at the same time as Rainbow.

Fluttershy squeaked and moved a hoof off her eye.  “O-oh, it’s you guys.”  She uncovered her face.  Her gaze moved to Basil, and she hid her face again.

“Well, that didn’t work right,” Apple Bloom said.  “So, do we set up again, or—?”

“It was you?” Basil snapped.  “Of course it was you!  I should have known from the start!”

Twilight felt all of the energy drain out of her back and she buried her face in a hoof.  “Oh, good, perfect.”

“What’s he talking about?” Scootaloo asked her friends.  Sweetie shrugged.

Apple Bloom huffed.  “Does it look like I know?  Pipe down, somepony’ll explain it.”

“It’s obvious in retrospect.”  Basil said, ignoring the fillies.  He flashed his horn and puffed his pipe to a thick cloud of smoke.  “Yours was the trifle that initiated my visit here in Ponyville, and is also what brought me directly into contact with misses Twilight and Rainbow!”

Twilight drew herself up and shook her head.  “Basil, no …”

“To say nothing of the fact that your profession gives you carte blanche to travel across the town, indeed across all of Equestria to taunt me, mock me.  But the jig is up, as they say, Miss Diamond Acorn!”

“Basil, stop!” Twilight shouted.  Basil’s mouth snapped shut and his eyes widened at her.  The crusaders snickered and hid their faces.  Twilight turned to Fluttershy, who was still cowering on the ground, with Rainbow standing over her and trying to coax her into standing.  She crossed to the other side, placing herself in between Basil and Fluttershy, and offered her own hoof as well.  “There’s a logical explanation for this.”

“And the logical explanation is staring us right in our faces!  Do you know how many times I have come across ponies staging their own victimhood, arranging the patterns just so, so that they start off on the hoof of sympathy to cover their own involvement?  It is the oldest trick in the book!  And further—!”

“Basil Bones, Twilight hissed.  “Fluttershy raises animals in a small cottage on the outskirts of Ponyville, where she has lived for the last ten years!  And while I can’t personally account for all of that time, I can say with certainty that she has spent the last two years doing just that, when she hasn’t been running around with me and my other friends trying to save the world!  You being here right now and shouting is terrifying her!”  She rounded on him and stuck her snout in his face.  “What in the name of Princess Celestia makes you think your insane explanation is more likely than her just being in the park at night for some other reason?!”  She grinded her teeth together as he flinched and fell back a step, igniting more snickers from the crusaders.  She stomped back around to Fluttershy, who had uncurled enough to goggle at her in surprise.  “Are you okay?”

Twilight offered her hoof, which Fluttershy took and clambered back up to all fours.  “Um.  No.  Yes?  I’m not hurt.  What’s going on?”  She smoothed out her mane and glanced from her to Rainbow.

Rainbow blinked and offered Fluttershy a forced smile.  “You were kinda in the wrong place at the wrong time?  Don’t worry, though, everything’s under control.  If Twi hadn’t yelled at him, I’d be doing it.”  She added, “With my hooves,” under her breath and shot Twilight a look.

Twilight shook her head at Rainbow, then turned back to Fluttershy.  “Rainbow’s right, nothing is going on, just … just more stupidity.  I’m …”  She grimaced and rubbed the bridge of her snout.  “I’m really sorry you got pulled into it again.  Would you like me to walk with you back home?”

“N-no, that’s okay, that was more surprising than anything. I should be fine in a mome—”

Basil scoffed.  “At least ask her for her explanation!  She might have you fooled, but if you think that I—”

“Basil, I have spent all day holding Rainbow back from physically assaulting you, and I am very close to telling her to go ahead!”  She flashed a glare at him and he wilted.  She turned back to Fluttershy.  “You can go home if you want, you don’t owe an explanation to anypony.”

She glanced at Basil over Twilight’s shoulder, then hunched down to block him from view.  “Would an explanation help, though?”

Twilight shrugged.  “It wouldn’t hurt, but it’s not like it’s illegal to walk in a park in the evening,” she said over her shoulder at Basil.  “If your answer is just that you wanted to go for a walk, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Well, I did come here for a specific reason.”  She stepped to the side and pointed out over the cutie mark crusaders.  “The lightning mantises are out tonight.”

Twilight looked towards where Fluttershy was pointing.  Down the path, on the other side of the picnic table, nestled into a small grove of trees that blocked out the very last of the light, she saw a small cloud of flashing lights weaving in and out of each other.  “Lightning mantises?  Those aren’t just fireflies?”

“Oh, no, not at all.”  She walked forward, past Basil and the crusaders, heading closer to the light cloud with the group following behind.  “They’re much more closely related to regular praying mantises, they just light up the same way fireflies do, when they’re looking for a mate.”  She reached out a hoof and one of the bugs landed on it.  “Hi there, little missy!  Aren’t you just precious!”  She turned to show Twilight.

The insect reached out a leg towards Twilight’s snout, a thick, curved leg lined with spikes, like a scythe wrapped in barbed wire.  It drew itself up, all angles and points, its face almost ponylike, with large, flat eyes and a tiny mouth at the bottom, its wings still buzzing and its back end flashing pale green light that threw the rest of its form into stark relief.  It was far too thin in most places, swollen fat in others, and it reached for her, grasping, its little mouth a churning chasm of wormy feelers.  It was like a changeling figurine fashioned from shards of metal by a blind madpony.  Twilight blinked, squeaked, and jumped away.

Fluttershy chuckled, then turned to show the mantis to Rainbow.  “Don’t worry, she won’t bite.  She can’t bite.  Only pinch, and not very hard.  Plus she’s friendly!”

Rainbows eyes widened.  “That thing is awesome!”  It looks like it’s made out of knives!”

The crusaders crowded around, all chanting “Let me see!” and Twilight shook her head to clear it and stood back up as her breaths got under control.

“Hardly an alibi,” Basil said, though too quiet for anypony except for Twilight to hear.  “If she was coming to the park solely to engage in entomological pursuits, why would she approach so clandestinely?  And why would she run when spotted?  Those are acts of a guilty conscience, I’m sure of it.”

Twilight huffed.  “Gee, I wonder why a timid pony might want to walk through town without being seen on the day she was loudly and publicly accused of being a sex worker, and then would run when her accuser surprised her?  That truly is a mystery.”  She narrowed her eyes, then walked towards the others, who were chatting and laughing while the tiny glowing knife-monster crawled around on Scootaloo’s head.

Fluttershy smiled at Twilight as another lightning mantis landed on her shoulder.  “See?  They’re not scary.  Do you want to hold one?”

“… No thanks.”  She forced a smile.  “I’m glad we didn’t ruin your chance to see them tonight.  Are they rare?”

“Oh, yes, very.  And their mating season only lasts for a few weeks, and they don’t light up any other time of the year, so this is really the only time to see them for what they are.  I was hoping I could maybe convince a couple to come home with me, I’d love to take care of their babies, and they can be very useful for gardens, so—”

“Absolutely fascinating,” Basil snapped to cut her off.  “But we are losing sight of the chase, and if you insist that we can take her at her word, than we should set up again and resume the wait.  It might be sensible to move location and try again elsewhere, now that this site has been so thoroughly compromised, if you have any suggestions of a new staging grounds, I would be open to hearing them.  In the meantime, let’s go about cleaning—”

“No,” Twilight said.  “No more.  The fillies need to get home soon.  We won’t have time to get set up again before they have to go.”

“Aww!” Apple Bloom whined.  “We can stay out a li’l longer!  AJ knows I’m here, so she ain’t gonna be worried or nothin’.  And Scoots’ got a later bedtime than I do—” she cut herself off and muttered under her breath, then looked back to Twilight and continued like she hadn’t stopped.  “And Sweetie already asked to stay over with Scoots tonight, so she ain’t gonna be late for nothin’ either.”

Twilight sighed, “Well, maybe, if you all really want to …” She glanced over at Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle to gauge their reaction and see if Apple Bloom was alone in the hope to keep going, and she raised her eyebrows.

The lightning mantis transferred itself from Scootaloo’s head to Sweetie Belle’s while they two of them were snout to snout and exchanging a smile that Twilight was not expecting to see.  When the bug had settled in Sweetie’s mane, they turned cheek to cheek, with their hooves around each other’s necks, and Scootaloo shot Rainbow a grin.  Eyebrows higher still, Twilight glanced at Rainbow, who returned the grin and nodded.  “Okay, whatever,” Twilight muttered to herself, and turned back to Apple Bloom.  “If the three of you are up for staying out a little longer, we can, but we’re not moving to a new place, it’ll take too long.”  The only groan of protest she heard came from Rainbow.

“Hmph, very well,” Basil said, and turned away from the group.  “The chances are lower still, but not without any hope.  I’ll prime the trap again.”

Twilight rubbed an eye and looked at Rainbow, who forced away her grimace and smiled at the fillies as they returned the spiky mantis to Fluttershy.  Twilight’s joints throbbed in unison, her eyes felt sticky, and she felt total empathy for Rainbow’s lack of desire to still be on the lookout; she’d need to keep a conversation going while they hid to keep from falling asleep herself.  She turned to Fluttershy and smiled again.  “Thanks, and, uh, sorry again?”

“I’m okay, it’s all okay, Twilight.  I know you’re working on figuring out who was in my house.  I’m the one who should thank you for caring and worrying about things.”  She turned towards the other mantises flying in wobbly circles through the air.  “And these little guys could cheer me up any day, couldn’t you?”

Twilight chuckled and shook her head, leading the crusaders and Rainbow back towards the picnic table.  “It’s still getting pretty late, so we can’t be out here too much longer.”

“I know,” Apple Bloom said.  “I’m just dyin’ to know what the heck’s goin’ on!”

Scootaloo circled around the back of the group and came up on Rainbow’s side.  “It is really strange, I’m super curious now, too.”

Rainbow turned her head slightly towards Scootaloo and spoke low, though Twilight could still hear her.  “Looks like everything worked out.”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo returned in a conspiratorial whisper.  Twilight frowned in confusion and wondered if she shouldn’t give them some space for privacy.  “It was just like you said.  I talked with her, and she was worried about a lot of the same things I was, and after we were feeling better about stuff, we talked with AB, and she totally understood, just like you said she would.”

“Awesome.”

Twilight shook her head, and shoved the growing army of questions out of her mind as they approached the picnic table.  “Okay, we don’t have a ton of time left, so let’s just get everypony in place.”  She looked between the three as Sweetie and Apple Bloom climbed back onto the bench and Scootaloo righted her scooter.  “Although, maybe this time it would be better if you three just did the sort of things that you would normally do together.”

Scootaloo raised an eyebrow.  “Wasn’t that what we were doing before?”

Rainbow covered a laugh with a cough.

Twilight forced a smile.  “Yyyyyyyes.  But I mean, maybe play a game together?  Or have a conversation about something specific, like a movie you’ve seen recently?  Something that you all can focus on.”

Sweetie tilted her head.  “But if we’re focusing on stuff, how’re we supposed to be on the lookout, too?”

Basil returned from his trap and said without missing a beat, “Misses Twilight, Rainbow, and myself shall be on the lookout, young Miss Sweetie.  The truth is, the more comfortable our prey feels that he will not be noticed, the more likely he is to act, but so long as somepony is vigilant at all times, there is no possible way he could slip by us all unnoticed.”

“They’re gone!” Scootaloo shouted.  Everypony turned towards her.  Scootaloo had climbed up on the bench and was looking down at the table.  “My marker set!  It was right here!”  She pointed at a gap in the random assortment of knickknacks, art supplies, posters, and paraphernalia that has been stripped from the crusader’s clubhouse.  In the empty space sat a single acorn.

“What—”

“How could—”

“You mean—”

“When we—?”

They all fell silent, and Basil, Twilight, and Rainbow exchanged looks.  They all grimaced and groaned in unison.

“Of course the window directly after a false entrapment, when all players are well embroiled in the confusion, would be the opportune time to strike!”  Basil flared a thick, roiling cloud of smoke from his pipe, like a train’s stack.  “This is a vulgar, base level of the psychology at play, it’s practically elementary.”  He stomped over to the table and slammed his hoof down on the acorn, crushing it to powder and causing everything else on the table to shake.

“Wait!” Twilight yelled, then kicked the ground and yelled again in inarticulate frustration.  “I could have used that!  I could’ve—you know what?  I’m done.”  She turned around and stomped over to Rainbow.  “I need to go home.  Please take me home, Rainbow.”

Apple Bloom sputtered.  “But ain’t we gonna—”

“Surely you jest,” Basil said.  “We have the fresh scene of a crime, now is when we need to act quickly and methodically!  Evidence may have been planted, intentionally or not, and ignoring our leads—”

“You follow them, Basil Bones,” Twilight shot back.  “If there is anything worthwhile there to find, after you destroyed the acorn.  Which I could have used as the focus of a tracking spell if it hadn’t been crushed.  As far as I’m concerned, everything can wait until tomorrow, but to be perfectly honest, right now I don’t care.  I hope you do find something without me, and I hope you solve it all by yourself and it makes a lovely article, and I can find out the solution to everything then, because I am tired Basil, and I am going home.”  She turned back to Rainbow.  “Please.  I don’t want to have to walk.”

Basil raised his eyebrows, then clenched his teeth and slapped his hoof on the table again, bowing his head.  The crusaders fidgeted uncomfortably, and Basil let out a long sigh.  “You are correct, that was … foolish of me.”  The muscles in his jaw flexed.  “I have attempted many spells on many acorns to no avail, and they have become a particular sore spot for me.  If I had stopped to consider my current resources … you have my apologies.”

Twilight grimaced, and looked at Basil, then at the fillies nervously shuffling in place.  The spark of anger went out and was replaced by more exhaustion.  “I appreciate that, Basil.  Were it a different day, I would probably be more willing to keep going, but I’m throwing in the towel now.  I … We …” She looked at Rainbow again and searched her face, and Rainbow sighed and nodded.  “We’ll be available again in the morning, if you still need our help.”

Basil grunted in reply.  Apple Bloom scuffed the ground.  “Umm.  Sh…should we, uhh …?”

Twilight smiled weakly at Apple Bloom.  “My promise still stands, girls, and tomorrow morning you’re welcome to rejoin us and help, if things are still a mystery then.  It was about time to stop for the night anyway.”

Apple Bloom bit down on the protest written over her face and nodded.  “All right, we understand, I guess.”  She turned to Basil.  “Could we maybe help you for a bit, Mr. Basil?”

“Hmn?”  He turned to Apple Bloom, and the surprise shifted to discomfort.  He shot a glance at Twilight’s stony expression, then cleared his throat.  “Oh, um.  That’s rather valiant, little madam, but I’m unsure what, if anything, I might find, and miss Twilight is right that it’s getting rather late.  Perhaps it is best if we regroup in the morning.”  He turned to the other girls and sucked in a breath of shock when he saw Scootaloo reaching for an old hat with a rainbow-colored mane of yarn on it, making Scootaloo jump.  “Ah, yes, I am, ah, hesitant to ask you to leave your belongings in my care overnight, but it’s very important not to disturb the scene more than necessary.  You all have my word that all objects shall be returned in the morning when we reconvene.”

A series of complaints broke out and Twilight shut her eyes tight and turned back to Rainbow.  Rainbow had wordlessly turned around and sat, offering her back.  Twilight hugged onto Rainbow’s shoulders and let herself be pulled up into the sky.

They flew silently through Ponyville and Twilight closed her eyes and let the rat’s nest of the day fall from her thoughts, feeling less wound up but more tired than ever when they touched down on her balcony.  Her bedside lamp had been left on, but the rest of the room was dark.  She pushed open the door and climbed the stairs.  Spike had made the bed, leaving it crisp and clean, and then by appearances took his bed downstairs to sleep somewhere else.  Twilight inhaled the smell of fresh linen and relaxed her shoulders, letting her neck droop.

“Umm … Twilight?” Rainbow said, and the uncertainty in her voice dug into Twilight, like a claw wrapping around her heart.  Twilight turned around and saw a mix of panic and discomfort in Rainbow’s expression, the same expression she’d seen each time Rainbow had run off earlier in the day, and the claw squeezed, straightening Twilight up to full attention.  “Listen, I gotta—”

“Wait!” she shouted, then snapped her teeth shut, cleared her throat and lowered her voice.  “Wait, Rainbow, before you run again.  Just.  Let me talk first.  Please?”  Rainbow’s expression flickered through more discomfort and unvoiced objections as she weighed options, until finally she nodded.

Twilight took a deep breath.  “I know that … the stuff earlier today really upset you.  And I know, in my head, that we need to talk about it, and that you don’t want to.”  Rainbow opened her mouth, but Twilight pushed forward.  “And right now I don’t want to, either.”  Rainbow snapped her teeth shut again and blinked, her expression growing impassive.  “I’m tired, my head hurts, today has been one of the longest days of my life, and all I want to do right now it to crawl into bed with you and fall asleep.  I know you want to go home and not talk about anything with me, and I know I probably should be fighting against that, but I just can’t right now, and I want you here.  If you still want to run, that’s …”  She felt her voice crack and she cleared her throat.  “I understand.  But if you stay, I promise, we don’t need to talk about anything, it can all wait until later.”

Twilight swallowed and shifted weight from one pair of hooves to the other, trying to not scuff them against the floor like a little filly.  “Will you stay?  Please?”

Rainbow’s expression didn’t shift from its unreadable neutral position.  Without a word, she walked over to the bed, slid under the covers, and spread her forelegs wide in welcome.  She gave Twilight a timid smile.

Twilight felt all the stress leave her body in a jolt so strong her ears flopped sideways.  “Thank you,” she said weakly and returned the smile.  She snapped off the light and climbed into Rainbow’s embrace.  Hooves wrapped around her, warm and strong, and she felt a kiss against her forehead.  She pressed in and returned the kiss on Rainbow’s neck, smelling soap and sweat and shampoo.  “Thank you.”

“Course, Twi.”

Twilight closed her eyes and was taken by sleep.




> Chapter 11
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rainbow Dash woke up in a cold bed. She scrunched her eyes against the brightness streaming in through the window and groaned, grabbing the second pillow and sandwiching her head between the two. The second pillow smelled like Twilight. The previous day came flooding back to Rainbow and she groaned again.

Tossing the pillow and blankets aside, she stumbled out of bed in Twilight’s room and rubbed her face. “No hangover,” she mumbled, “so that means it wasn’t a nightmare. Great.” She headed downstairs through the library and into the kitchen.

Twilight stood at the counter with a newspaper opened in front of her. A piece of toast floated in the air off to the side, half-buttered and apparently forgotten as a knife listed away from it. Twilight narrowed her eyes and turned the page. Rainbow cleared her throat.

Twilight glanced up, gave her a faint smile, and returned to the paper. “Morning. There’s coffee.” She diverted her attention towards the coffee pot and noticed her toast. The knife swiped across it and dropped itself into the sink, and the toast sailed into Twilight’s mouth as she went back to reading.

Rainbow grinned and rolled her eyes. She walked through the kitchen towards the coffee, but stopped directly behind Twilight. She watched Twilight read for a few moments, then changed course and hugged Twilight around the middle with a hoof. She kissed the nape of Twilight’s neck.

“Mmm.” Twilight leaned back into the embrace and reached a hoof over her shoulder to stroke Rainbow’s mane. She dropped the toast on a plate. “I see you slept well.”

“Pretty good. You?”

Rainbow felt a sigh of relief against her chest and the newspaper folded itself up. Twilight glanced back and caught Rainbow’s eye.  “I slept very well. I feel a lot better.”

“Cool.” She squeezed tight, then slipped away and headed for the coffee. “Did you wake up knowing who Diamond Acorn is, and how he gets away with stuff? That’s what always happens to detectives in books when things don’t make sense.” She poured herself a cup and carried it to the table with its steam flowing over her snout.

Twilight reopened the paper in front of her face and blindly joined Rainbow at the table, sitting across from her. “Nope. No big eureka moments.” She pawed at the bare table. Rainbow heard a grumble, then watched Twilight’s toast fly over from the counter. “Nothing about it makes any more sense than it did last night, and most of it makes less sense the more I think about it. It’s all just so stupid.”

“Totally. Does it even really matter who he is anymore? Like, yeah, it was important to make sure it wasn’t Discord, because if he was getting free, that’d definitely be our problem to deal with. But, like, it isn’t.”

“I understand. Part of me thinks we ought to just forget about it, tell Basil if he comes and tries to regroup that I’m done with everything and he’s on his own, except that we keep getting targeted, too. It involves us now. I don’t think we can just ignore it and hope it goes away.”

Rainbow nodded reluctantly and swallowed a few mouthfuls. “I guess so. It’d be pretty annoying to keep having stuff stolen and finding acorns forever. Also, if Basil’s hunting him, he’d stay here.”

Twilight chuckled. “That would be terrible.”

Rainbow’s brow knit. “Hey, how come you didn’t ask me if I figured stuff out while sleeping?” Twilight’s chuckles deepened. “Shut up, it could’ve happened.”

The newspaper folded itself in half, revealing Twilight’s smile. “I’m sure it could, but if it had, wouldn’t you have led with the answer, instead of asking me if I’d figured it out?”

“… Maybe I was building up to it?” The paper twitched back up. “Okay, fine, maybe I didn’t figure it out, either, but you should still ask me.”

Twilight let out a long breath, then spoke again, her voice mock excited. “Rainbow, did you have any sudden revelations while you were sleeping that could blow this case wide open?”

“Nah.”

She sighed theatrically. “I never would have guessed.”

“I did figure something important out, though.” Twilight reappeared from behind the paper and Rainbow fixed her gaze with as much seriousness as she could muster. “I’m, like, ninety-seven percent sure that Fluttershy isn’t a hooker.”

Twilight winced and rolled her eyes. “I’m glad we’re on the same page there.” She went back to reading. “Speaking of same pages, was I missing something between you and Scootaloo yesterday? And Sweetie Belle?”

“Huh? Oh.” Rainbow chuckled and shook her head. “Yeah, so get this, she and Sweetie are going out.”

“So it was what it looked like. I was second-guessing myself, considering how young they are.”

“Tell me about it, Scoots was driving herself nuts not knowing how to go out with somepony, or what that even really means.” She gulped down the rest of her coffee, stood up, and walked back to the pot. “From how it sounds, they’re both into each other … as much as a couple of fillies can be into each other, anyway. She just wanted to be a good girlfriend, but didn’t know what she should do, and was worried about hurting somepony’s feelings by mistake—Sweetie’s or Apple Bloom’s.”

She filled her mug and turned around, finding the paper down and Twilight focused on her. “I can imagine it would be hard at that age, especially with how the three of them are together. Honestly if us and, I don’t know, Applejack were friends the same way they are, I’d be constantly worried about leaving Applejack out of everything, or making her feel like a third wheel. And we’re adults.” She smirked at Rainbow. “Mostly, anyway.”

Rainbow chuckled and sat back down. “I’ll grow up all the way when I’m dead.”

“I’m not sure how that would work.” Rainbow shrugged, and she giggled. “So what did you say to Scootaloo?”

“Lotta stuff. I gave her a better idea of what going on dates is like, she thought it was all fancy dinners and stuff like in movies, but mostly I told her to talk with Sweetie Belle about what was going on with her. And Apple Bloom, too, after. I said they’re both probably worrying about the same things she was, and that after talking it all out it’d be a lot easier to decide on things without hurting anypony’s feelings.” The uncomfortable gurgle she’d had in her stomach after talking to Scootaloo woke back up, and she grimaced, quickly hiding her mouth by taking a sip of coffee. She went too fast and flinched as she burned her tongue.

“Well, that’s … really excellent advice, actually.”

Rainbow fidgeted and tried to force a casual smile onto her face. “Of course it was, don’t act like I don’t know stuff.”

Twilight smirked again, shook her head, and unfolded the newspaper. “I know you do, Rainbow.”

Her stomach twisted over and she nursed her coffee while fidgeting in her seat. Twilight had said they’d talk later. She’d tried twice already to start, and got put off both times, and a big part of her didn’t want to go through having it put off again and was happy to just wait for Twilight to bring it up. Another part of her was pretty sure that first part was a total coward, though. She took a steadying breath.

“Listen, Twi, about—”

A hoof rapped against the front door.

Rainbow rubbed her face as Twilight left the kitchen. “Why do I even try?” She got up to follow.

“A pleasant morn to you, Miss Twilight,” Basil said when the door opened. He carried a shoulder-slung saddlebag and his spectacles sat slightly askew on his muzzle. He trailed smoke with him across the threshold. “And you as well, Miss Rainbow. I trust I haven’t disturbed anypony by arriving too early.”

“This is a library, Basil, no smoking,” Twilight answered.

Basil blinked and surrounded the bowl of his pipe with magic, choking is out. “Apologies; I often forget it’s there.”

Rainbow grumbled and went back to the kitchen. She pulled her mug close and sipped on it, then grumbled again when Basil and Twilight followed her in.

“It was difficult to wait this late in the day before presenting myself. Ponies in academic professions often keep unusual hours that can vary wildly from one to another, and I felt any insights regarding your schedule I made yesterday would be tainted by the jubilance of the night before. I opted to—is that coffee I smell?”

Twilight sighed and sat back down at the table. “Yes, Basil, would you like a cup?” She frowned. “Have you even slept at all?”

“Hmn?” He paused and glanced back, holding the coffee pot and a mug retrieved from a cupboard. “Oh, sleep is a luxury with which I rarely concern myself. I shall sleep on the train from Ponyville to Canterlot, as I deliver Diamond Acorn to his rightful home behind bars.” As he poured himself a cup, Rainbow watched him float a bottle of milk from the fridge and a jar of sugar from the pantry, and narrowed her eyes as he used them to defile his coffee. He took a sip and straightened his glasses. “Ah, yes, that was all the recuperation I needed. As I was saying.” He returned to the table. “I opted to make my entrance calculated on the assumption that you retired immediately after our parting last night. It seemed the most logical course of action, while wasting the least amount of time.”

“Well, we’re awake,” Twilight said. She rubbed her eye, then straightened, her voice cheering up a little. “Did you end up finding anything after we left?”

Basil smiled and took a long sip of coffee. “At the site of the theft? No, I did not. Our prey left no sign of his presence, not a single fresh scuff on the table nor broken blade of grass upon his retreat. I couldn’t begin to hypothesize as to what direction he came, nor to where he left.”

He leaned back from the table and stared at the wall. “I was not laboring under the impression that Diamond Acorn is careless, else I would have apprehended him ages ago, but I have never been so close as to have a theft occur and be discovered in such a scant amount of time. It would have been logical for him to slip up now, when working so dangerously under our snouts. But he did not. To complete his work in such hostile conditions and leave not one scrap of evidence is the work of a true master. It’s almost frightening.”

Twilight sighed and shared a look with Rainbow. She already looked tired again. Rainbow knew the feeling. She shrugged at Twilight, then turned to Basil. “Well … that’s lame.”

He waved her off. “All part of the hunt, Miss Rainbow.”

Twilight drummed a hoof on the table absent-mindedly. “If you didn’t find anything, I don’t understand what the rush was to come see us.”

His face lit up. “Ah, but that was at the scene of the crime.” His tone sounded rehearsed to Rainbow and she rolled her eyes as he slung his shoulder bag forward and undid the clasp. “Fortunately for us, our three filly compatriots are less attentive to details compared to our prey. I discovered this within their clubhouse, beneath a table.” He pulled a pale yellow marker from his bag and set it on the table.

Twilight’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s from the same set that Diamond Acorn took. I can use my—”

“You can use the same spell with which you located the sequestered wagon wheel,” Basil said over her. “If I am to properly understand the nature of the spell in question. I have my doubts as to its full utility, as I imagine Diamond Acorn has already staged the remainder of that set for our benefit. We will at least be able to retrieve it for the young madams, if nothing else. However …” his grin widened as he pulled a newspaper from the bag. “This is our true trump card.”

Rainbow stared at the newspaper quizzically, until she took a close look at the photo on its front of a younger Basil. Her eyes widened as she read the headline: ‘Bold Burglary Bested by Basil Bones.’ She jumped up. “That’s the paper that he took from your bag, Twi! Where’d you find it?”

Basil settled the paper on the table. “I am doubtful it is the stolen issue, as this one was purchased from a local establishment in town. Well, rather, I purchased the information of where unsold papers are stored before being pulped and recycled, and the permission to enter said storeroom and attempt to locate this. There is a non-zero chance that Diamond Acorn chose that very location as the perfect place to dispose of the stolen paper, however, so it can’t be discounted as a possibility.”

Twilight frowned and spun the issue to face her. “Well … I’d say it’s unlikely that it’s the same one. The stolen copy had been crushed and straightened out a few times, this one’s in too good condition to be the one that was taken. But that doesn’t help with anything, anyway.”

“Nonsense, it is my theory that it will be of the utmost utility.” He finished his coffee and stood up to pace back and forth in the kitchen as he spoke. “There is of course the possibility that Diamond Acorn has already disposed of your stolen issue, possibly by method of staging it somewhere for us to later encounter, or possibly in a discreet location with the intention of covering his tracks, but I contend there are some irregularities that make such theories less likely.”

He stopped and turned to face Twilight. “First irregularity is the nature of our hunt. For years now, my trail after Diamond Acorn has been the same, with me encountering his crimes, following his clues, and recovering his items, one by one across the face of Equestria. I occasionally get the upper hoof and know where he’s going to strike before he has, but I have often suspected that my advantage was an orchestrated illusion, with him guiding me from destination to destination with intentionally dropped clues. Never before has he involved another pony in our game. Your presence, both of your presences,” he looked to Rainbow and Twilight in turn, “in fact the presence of Miss Fluttershy and the little madams as well, all are anomalies.”

He nodded once and started pacing again. “Secondly, is the nature of the how Diamond Acorn has chosen to involve you. It would be one thing if through the influence of his machinations we simply continued to cross paths haphazardly, or were drawn away from each other. Had he done so, his motive would have been clear: he would have desired to begin the game anew, with you as his hunter as well.”

Basil slipped his pipe in his mouth, then made a face and looked at the unlit bowl. He glanced back at Twilight, then shook his head briskly. “Or, conversely, rather than keeping us apart, he might have attempted to put us at further odds with each other than we were already, by way of framing me. I have no doubt that he could do so convincingly, he has proven quite resourceful. If, by chance, he’d grown tired of our game, he might have found it convenient to get rid of me. I’m certain that course of action would have worked in his favor, had he pursued that goal. In the face of convincingly planted evidence, it would be a question of believing Miss Twilight Sparkle, the protégé of our Princess Celestia, savior of Equestria on multiple occasions, versus a pony whose defense would be an unseen, unheard, unproven master criminal of petty thefts. The conviction would be swift.”

Rainbow scratched her head. “But we did think it was you. Well, I mean we thought it might be you.”

Basil nodded and smiled. “Which I believe was his intention from the beginning. You were constantly left in doubt as to my role in the wave of crime, while at the same time never presented with anything airtight that implicated me, keeping us in contact, and most importantly, talking and exchanging information. Diamond knows me perhaps too well, and has a keen level of insight into you and your lives here in Ponyville. I was unaware that Miss Twilight lived here, and I am doubtful that I would have been made aware of it at all, without Diamond’s interference, and he knew exactly how to play his cards to spark your interest in investigating me in turn.”

Twilight frowned. “I’m not sure that’s true. When you first approached me for help, it was because I was the librarian, not because I’m … me.”

He nodded reluctantly. “True, it is possible that I might approach you of my own accord, I often do when in unfamiliar cities and towns, but I would have limited the scope of our discourse to asking about Ponyville, rather than you specifically. Well, in truth, I would most likely have examined you and arrived at the same erroneous conclusion I did yesterday, and discounted you as being too recent an arrival here to be of much help. Tell me, were a detective to enter your library unannounced and ask you questions about the nature of Ponyville or its inhabitants, would you feel the need to announce that you were Miss Twilight Sparkle to them?”

“No, no I wouldn’t.”

“I did not think so.”

Twilight tapped her chin. “Okay, but even if Diamond Acorn arranged that part of it, the reason we suspected you was because you came to the conclusion that Fluttershy is a sex worker—” Rainbow giggled, and Twilight shot her a look “—and still found her tea set, despite how wrong your conclusion was. Diamond Acorn didn’t do that.”

Basil frowned and looked down at the floor. “Did he not? We have both arrived at an accord that he was the true perpetrator of that theft, a theft from a very dear friend of yours who would be the most hurt by a misappraisal. I …” He cleared his throat and straightened up. “You were correct yesterday, in your judgement of me. I can be quite short with ponies. This sometimes results in me being condescending or dismissive towards them. Even cruel, it could be said. It is, perhaps, a flaw that has kept me isolated from friends for many years, which no doubt has made this quality of my personality worse. Recent events have…put things more sharply in perspective for me, and it is with utmost sincerity that I offer both of you an apology for my actions. I truly am sorry.” He took a long breath.

Rainbow shifted uncomfortably, and exchanged a look with Twilight. To her annoyance, Twilight looked touched by the apology. To her greater annoyance, she noticed she felt less animosity towards him, too.

Basil cleared his throat. “Anyway, as I said, Diamond Acorn knows me very well. Exploiting my cruelty to make your involvement personal would be well within his capabilities.”

Twilight grimaced, and she looked at Rainbow. “I’m not sure I can believe that was his plan. Can you, Rainbow?”

“I dunno. I mean, if he knew Basil was gonna make Fluttershy freak out and that we were watching, I guess so.”

“But it’s not just knowing how Fluttershy would react, or that I would be watching and want to figure out what’s going on. He’d have to know what conclusion Basil was going to have, where to put the tea set to line up with that conclusion, that the conclusion itself was wrong, what type of pony Fluttershy is for that conclusion to affect her as much as it did, what type of pony I am to be drawn into investigating, and that we’d all be there together after a night where the two of us got really, really drunk.”

Rainbow leaned back. “…Yeah, when you put it like that, it makes it sound like the guy’s got super powers.”

Basil frowned. “Perhaps I am, as they say, reading too much into the situation. This calls for more of your wonderful coffee.” He floated his mug back over to the counter.

“Ugh.” Rainbow wrinkled her snout in disgust. “How can you even tell if it’s good coffee or not if you keep ruining it like that?”

“Rainbow, be nice,” Twilight admonished with a giggle. “Not everypony likes black coffee.”

“Yeah, only ponies who are right.”

Basil chuckled as he topped off his mug with milk. “I do quite like coffee with nothing more than sweetener, but the inclusion of fat and protein results in a more fortifying restorative. I find a seven percent solution of milk to coffee to be the most appropriate.”

“That still means you put sugar in it, you weirdo.”

Basil took a loud sip and returned to the table. “My tastes aside, I am more concerned that you are correct about my overestimation of Diamond Acorn, and that I am finding cold calculation where instead there is simply malice and flexibility.” He nursed his coffee in thought for a moment. “I propose as an alternative that Diamond Acorn’s initial goal might have been for me to humiliate Miss Fluttershy, and thus humiliate me by proxy, knowing that I would make an evidently false declaration in front of a crowd of ponies who already knew the target of my defamation. Ponyville being the size and density that it is, it stands to reason that everypony here knows close to everypony else who has lived here for any significant amount of time. It would be a simple way to call into question my veracity.”

Twilight nodded. “If that was the reason, I think it had its intended effect for a lot of ponies here.”

“I concur, as I’ve had an especially hard time in this town getting anyone to, ah, take me seriously, as it were.” He cleared his throat and took a big swig. “It follows, then, that after setting such a trap against me, Diamond Acorn subsequently observed and took note of your interest in uncovering the truth, and then modified his following actions in order to unite us as allies in his pursuit. Rather than a case of omniscience, it’s one of improvisation.”

Rainbow drew her brow together and leaned against the table, resting her chin on her hoof. “I dunno, if you’re saying that what he was doing first was just to mess with you, I’d think it’d make more sense that he was just messing with us, too, once he saw that he could.”

Nodding in appreciation, Basil started pacing again, carrying his coffee with him. “I have no doubt that his capriciousness plays a very important role in how he elects any of his actions, so while his goal was to unite us, his means were through ‘messing’ with us, as it were.”

Twilight cocked her head to the side. “That’s still supposing that us working together was his intention from the start and not something that happened out of his control.” She tapped the table again. “Remember, you came to me to ask about Ponyville, and only found out who I am because your credibility was called into question, which we just decided was probably done to humiliate you, not to …” She frowned and let out a long breath, shaking her head. “To … orchestrate a situation where you would find out who I am, which would make you want to work with me.” She looked at Rainbow. “This is sounding as stupid as I think it sounds, right?”

“Oh, totally.”

Basil grunted and continued his trek back and forth across the floor. He finished off his second mug and floated it into the sink. “But as I’m sure you recall, your initial reaction to my proposal of combining our forces was one of refusal. It wasn’t until his next theft that our collaboration was actually set into motion, which segues nicely into the third anomaly: the theft of the newspaper itself.”

He stopped and faced the table again. “In the five years of my pursuit, I have never had any of my own belongings taken, nor the belongings of any colleagues I have accrued along the way. As I’ve already stated, I haven’t had any colleagues of the same, or even of a similar nature to you, but I have relied upon the help of the occasional librarian, wizard, sheriff, street urchin, or butler in my journeys through Equestria, many of whom have also been made aware of Diamond Acorn’s existence. Up until this point, it seems that such ponies have been set as off-limits to his plans. Those ponies were my helpers, but the pursuit was always between the two of us, and the two of us alone.”

He sat down at the table and tapped on the newspaper. “Considering all of this, I suspect a very specific motive behind Diamond Acorn’s theft of your copy, distinct from any other thefts he has ever committed. Including the most recent.” He touched the marker and slid it away, towards the center of the table. “I have a strong suspicion that were we to only hunt down the remaining markers, we would find a nicely presented hiding place filled with a mocking subtext for you, me, or all of us. The newspaper, on the other hoof, was taken to send a specific message.”

“What do you mean, a message?” Rainbow asked. “That he could steal something from off of her without her noticing, and there wasn’t anything she could do about it?” Her expression darkened and she turned to Twilight. “Hey, if we ever find this guy, are you gonna be angry if I hit him?”

Twilight chuckled and shook her head. “At this rate, I might end up hitting him.” She looked at Basil. “I had the thought at the time that it was making a statement, but I didn’t have much time to consider it before I was on the move again. Also, I still wasn’t sure if you were the one doing all of this or not, and thought it might have been an attempt to cover your tracks.”

“Mm. Unlikely as a course of action I would take, supposing I was the culprit, as I am doubtful that you would then forget the contents of the paper having lost it. You strike me as the sort of pony with a solid grasp on object permanence.” He chuckled to himself.

Twilight smiled and rolled her eyes. Rainbow frowned in confusion.

“Digressions aside, I believe the message being sent by this theft was related to the symbolic relevance of the newspaper. It was, if my recollections are correct, a representation of your suspicions of me, and by removing it from your bag, Diamond Acorn was stating in as direct a manner as he would, that your suspicions were incorrect. Do you disagree?”

Letting out a long breath, Twilight shook her head. “No, I don’t. It was the first thing that popped into my head other than the possibility of you taking it.”

“Then it stands to reason,” he said, striking the paper again, “that his goal at that point in time was to bring about this collaboration. Whether it was his goal from the initiation or as an adaptation based upon how events proceeded, is ultimately irrelevant.”

Rainbow grumbled and leaned back against the wall. “The bigger question here is, so what? I get that this guy’s nuts, and he’s messing with us, and he probably wants us to work together so he can try to mess with us all at once and get away with it, but what’s this got to do with us having a copy of the stupid paper?”

Basil straightened up and grinned. “Ah, well, I believe the answer to that question is quite trivial when we consider his motive of wanting to bring other ponies into his hunt alongside the symbolic theft of an item representing a lack of trust, which was keeping his ultimate goal from coming to pass. This is a singular, meaningful theft, that is attached solely to the act itself, not the hunt, nor the retrieval. For him to then create a scenario for us to find the copy would be to alter its meaning, and to attempt to dispose of it would be a denial of its significance. I submit, without the shadow of a doubt, that Diamond Acorn pocketed the original copy of this paper and still has it among his personal effects.”

Rainbow looked at Twilight. Twilight grimaced and shifted from side to side for a moment. “I suppose it’s possible, but it’s also a large risk for him to take, which I’m not sure he would do.”

“Miss Twilight, we are talking about the same pony who absconded with a set of foal’s markers from a picnic table surrounded by six ponies actively looking for him. The unnecessary taking of risks is part and parcel.”

She nodded. “I guess you have a point.” She sighed. “Regardless, none of this actually changes anything, because even if you’re right about his motivations, and even if you’re right that at this very moment he has the stolen copy of this newspaper, there’s nothing we can do about it, other than know what to look for if we find any suspects.”

Basil slapped his hoof on the paper again. “Ah, but this copy itself is the key to our problem! With it as the focus, your location spell will suss out his hiding place in no time!”

“But …” Twilight glanced at Rainbow in disbelief, then back to Basil. “I’ve already told you, the spell doesn’t work that way. It’s only able to find other items in a single, unified set, like the wheel missing off the crusaders’ wagon when targeting the other wheels. I could use it to find the other markers from this set.” She tapped the yellow marker in the center of the table. “But this newspaper is not part of a set. I couldn’t use it to find the one that Diamond Acorn might have.”

“You did explain it to me, yes.” Basil’s expression remained satisfied. “By means of targeting one or more objects that are linked together, you can then locate other objects within that linkage. The more objects you have on hoof the more powerful and precise the spell becomes. As we only have this single marker,” he said, pointing at the one on the table, “your ability to find the remainder of the set will be less precise, though if by chance the stolen markers were strewn about, you would be able to add increasing surety to the spell with each marker located. Am I correct?”

Twilight sighed through her snout and nodded. “Yes, that is how it works.”

“Then, surely, it works in reverse as well, where the fewer pieces available as the focus and the more tentative the connection between the pieces, the less powerful your location abilities become.”

Frowning, Twilight glanced at Rainbow again for a moment. “Yes, I guess so. But we’re still not talking about a set of items.”

“Are we not?” He straightened up and grinned. “This paper was not inked and printed in isolation, it was run through a single press in a single run at the offices in Canterlot, along with all other existing copies of this issue. Those copies were then bundled in stacks and distributed to all the vendor locations across Equestria, of which there are many, but inside of Ponyville there is only one. From that point forward, the stacks are separated and distributed among ponies with a subscription or delivered to mail stands to be sold individually, but up until then, are they not part of a set?”

Twilight’s frown deepened, and she leaned back to stare off into space.

Basil cocked his head to the side. “I relent that it is not, perhaps, an ideal example of a set onto which your spell might operate. I imagine the relational qualities between individual objects that the magic searches for would be weakened by time and intention, and neither are in our favor. The stack was never intended to be a set outside of the press’ distribution model and the individual issues have been separated for sixteen days now, but they certainly must have a more meaningful connection to each other than, say, to any other issue, or this marker would have to any given marker you might have in your home.”

Twilight slowly leaned forward and touched the newspaper with her hoof. “… I don’t know. It’s possible. More possible than I would have considered. But I’ve never tried to find anything like this, I don’t know if it will work.”

“Well,” Basil said, stepping back from the table, “I believe there would be only one course of action which could verify whether or not it will function.”

Twilight nodded and her horn lit up. Rainbow watched as the paper floated into the air and ruffled its pages back and forth. Twilight’s eyes stayed locked on it and her tongue poked out of the corner of her mouth in concentration. The rustling faded, and the paper descended gently back onto the table, the color of the magic around her horn unchanged. She shook her head. “No, I can’t do it, the connection’s too weak, it’s been apart for too long. Maybe if I had every other issue that got delivered to Ponyville it would be strong enough, but with just this, it isn’t.”

Basil sighed and sat back down at the table. “Disappointing. I suppose we’re certainly able to track down the wayward markers, so we aren’t left completely without recourse, but I was so sure of it …”

Rainbow squinted in thought and looked back and forth between the two, then over at one of the large pantries. “Hey … tell me if this is dumb or not …” Twilight lifted her head. “The paper that Diamond stole was gonna be put down in the basement as part of, like, a big collection of newspapers, right? And it was in a box in there with a bunch of other papers for a couple weeks now. Is that like a set of stuff, too?”

Twilight’s eyebrows shot up. Basil’s did as well, and he looked at Twilight, who tilted her head and tapped her chin. “Interesting … and definitely not dumb.” She flashed Rainbow a quick smile, then got up and opened the pantry door. “I don’t know if this will change anything or not, I haven’t really tried to do this sort of thing with the spell before, so I can’t really say how powerful it is.” She dragged the box out into the center of the floor. “On the one hoof, the more targets I can focus on, the more likely it is I’ll be able to find it. On the other hoof, we’re now talking about two different sets: the archives, and the original printing, so it might not make a difference. But … in theory …” She closed her eyes in concentration and hefted a stream of newspaper issues out of the box, joining the one from the table with them. “In theory … if I focus on it the right way … two intersecting sets might make the spell more powerful …”

Rather than the rustling of the papers slowing down, they flapped faster, swirling through the kitchen like a cloud of bats, faster and faster, while Twilight clenched her jaw tight. She let out a grunt of effort, then opened her eyes and took a deep breath. The papers hung in the air, surround in Twilight’s purple magic, but the magic around her horn was red. As Rainbow watched the glow, it pulsed once, dimmed, and then pulsed again, like a lazy heartbeat.

Twilight smiled and settled all of the papers back in the box. She turned in place in the kitchen until her magic shifted to green. “Great idea, Rainbow, I think it worked.”

Rainbow grinned and puffed up her chest as she stood up.

“Excellent!” Basil said. “Truly excellent! Shall we see what the day now has in store for us?”

Twilight frowned. “Well … I did promise the Crusaders that they could join us this morning, maybe we should wait for them first. I can always recast the spell later.”

Basil cleared his throat. “Ah, erm. Perhaps it would be best not to wait. They, ah, stayed up later than fillies their age normally would.”

Her expression fell to a glare.

“It was not my intention, I assure you. I was quite relieved when their various parental figures came and collected them for the evening, despite the yelling they and I were subjected to. Foals do not mix well with crime scenes.”

Twilight sighed and shook her head. “Well, I guess they’ll either catch up with us later, or we’ll have an answer for them once they do get up.” She turned in place and watched the color of her horn shift, then walked out of the kitchen. “You should bring the marker along, just in case,” she said.

Basil grinned and slipped it into his saddlebag. “Most certainly. Lead the way, madam.”

They filed out of the library and into town, following the tuning of Twilight’s horn northward.




> Chapter 12
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“It’s quite a remarkable spell, in truth,” Basil said. He flanked Twilight’s left, a few feet away and behind her, squinting over his glasses into the distance as Twilight led them down the road out of the town center. “It appears to operate something akin to a dowsing rod, with the unicorn’s horn standing in as the rod, of course. I would imagine the practical operation would take some time to master, but the theory is based in thaumaturgical fundamentals. My calling in life did not bring me into the fold of upper magical academia, but it would likely be a boon for me on future cases to add that spell to my repertoire, were it possible. The spells I do use with regularity are often essential.”

Twilight smirked, shook her head, and decided to ignore the fact that Basil had just asked for a favor without actually asking. “I can walk you through the execution later, if you’d like. It doesn’t take a lot of energy to cast or maintain, just a lot of concentration.”

Rainbow, taking up the same position as Basil on Twilight’s right, asked, “What sorta spells do you use a lot? I’ve only seen you floating stuff around.” Twilight heard Rainbow shift and talk directly at her. “And I know that’s just ‘cause you unicorns can’t use your hooves to do squat.”

Twilight chuckled and shook her head, keeping her eyes trained on the magic around her horn.

“There is only one spell I use with any true regularity, and I’m afraid it’s a tool of the trade, it would be unprofessional of me to reveal its nature.”

“That’s a load of bull, just tell me.”

“I would not be opposed to confirming any hypotheses you wish to put forth, madam.”

“Wha?” Rainbow’s voice shifted back towards Twilight. “A hypothesithesis is a science thing, right?”

Grinning, Twilight glanced back, catching a glimpse of Rainbow and the color around her horn fading to blue. “He asked you to guess.”

“Guess? Ah, c’mon, what is this, kindergarten?”

She laughed again. “You don’t have to. He uses a sense augmentation spell.”

“Ah.” Basil sounded disappointed. “You have guessed correctly.”

Rainbow sped up to walk alongside Twilight. “Huh?”

“He uses a spell to strengthen his senses beyond what a pony can normally see or feel. That’s how he’s been able to smell things that were far enough away we thought he was being creepy and smelling us when we weren’t looking.”

“Creepy?” he scoffed.

“Ohhh, that makes sense. Yeah, I get how that’d be really good for looking for clues and junk, you’d be able to see stuff way better, or whatever. Or hear stuff way better, too! Like, you could tell a pony’s lying if their heartbeat sped up.” She jumped off the ground and flew a few feet up as her tone grew faster and more excited. “And you could probably do some crazy stuff with your sense of touch, like figure out if something’s a fake just by holding it!” She landed right next to Twilight with a grin on her face.

Basil lengthened his strides and moved to Twilight’s other side, cramming the three of them close together despite the road widening and growing uneven underhoof as they moved into the less cultivated outskirts of Ponyville. “In truth, its use is reserved almost exclusively for my olfactory capabilities. The spell is of little consequence to wield, but after I’ve cast it, there is a period of weakness in the affected sense for a few minutes. Having a blunted sense of smell for a brief window of time is not terribly debilitating, while blurry vision or partial deafness are a major handicap while attempting to work.”

Rainbow nodded. “Yeah, that’d suck. Still, the touching thing’s gotta be worth it still.”

“In the case of touch, the resulting weakness is not a state of numbness,” he answered, his tone dark. “There have been a few occasions where I was left with no recourse but to utilize it, and it has not been worth it in any of those situations. It is very painful.”

“Oh, you’re probably just a wimp,” Rainbow grinned.

“Hmph.” Basil straightened his glasses and looked forward. “I had arrived at the conclusion that these interpersonal differences had been set behind us.”

Twilight smiled wryly. “They have been, if Rainbow’s started teasing you. She only does that with ponies she gets along with.”

Rainbow sighed and looked away, “Yeah, I guess you’re not too bad. You’ve at least said you’re sorry about stuff, and stopped being such a jackass.”

Basil’s face colored and he busied himself with relighting his pipe.

There was a pause of silence as they entered the outskirts of the Whitetail Woods, Twilight’s horn flashing with a growing pace. Rainbow looked back across Twilight’s shoulder. “You ever use that spell on your sense of taste?”

Basil smirked. “Once. It ruined my ability to smoke for an hour and drove me close to madness, but it was worth it for that cake.”

Rainbow snickered. Twilight stopped short in the path, the other two faltering and jumping in surprise before looking around in confusion.

They stood at a small clearing of grass in front of an enormous oak tree. The path forked away in either direction, winding back into the woods, as if to avoid running into the giant tree. Most of the plants in the Whitetail Woods were smaller, a mixture of young oaks and maple trees with trunks not much bigger around than the body of a pony, while the one just ahead was barely smaller than the Golden Oak Library. Its gnarled bark sloughed off in patches and its foliage hung sparsely around its stooped branches. A large knot halfway up the trunk had rotted out, leaving a dark cavity behind.

“Wow,” Rainbow said. “If it was night, that’d be really spooky-looking.”

Basil rubbed his chin. “It certainly is odd-looking, given its placement. All the surrounding vegetation appears to be twenty to thirty years old, while I would estimate this specimen at one to three hundred years, at least without obtaining a cross-section.” He circled around the tree as he spoke. “It isn’t necessarily unusual for a wide margin of variation inside a forest, but it’s quite unexpected for such a stark contrast without a catalyst. Perhaps it—ah, I see,” he said from around the other side of the tree. “This tree appears to have survived a forest fire a few decades ago. It must have been the only survivor in this part of the woods.” He returned to the group.

Rainbow knit her brow. “Does knowing stuff about trees really help with solving mysteries?”

“I am permitted to have hobbies.”

Twilight shushed them both, crossing her eyes while looking at her horn. “I stopped because we’re here, you know.” Glowing a bright green, it flashed like a racing pulse. If she took two more steps it would flicker fast enough to hurt her eyes.

Basil lifted his brows and snapped his mouth shut around his pipe. He looked at the tree, and then at Twilight and Rainbow, lowering his voice to a rough whisper. “Here?”

“Yes, here. Probably in the tree.”

Basil frowned and glared at it critically. “There is no possible method with which a pony could hide inside that tree, even if it happened to be entirely hollow; there’s no entrance other than that knot hole.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “That just means Diamond Acorn isn’t here.”

Twilight nodded. “This wouldn’t be the first time he left his displays for us inside of a tree.”

“Hmn.” Basil let out a long breath through his snout. “I was so sure he would have kept the paper with him.” His expression grew sterner. “I suppose he would be aware of that, that I would be convinced of it and understand how dangerous it would be to hold onto the evidence, in case I—or more appropriately, you—could find a way to track its location.”

Twilight moved her head from side to side and watched the shift in color until she felt totally confident in the paper’s location and dropped the spell. She shook her head to clear it and stepped forward. “Well, it’s definitely there, inside the knot hole. Rainbow, you’re the one with the wings.”

Chuckling, she lifted off the ground.

Basil cleared his throat sharply. “Hold on, Miss Rainbow.” She stopped and looked back at him with irritation. “There’s something off about this. This situation feels different to me than a normal staging of stolen goods. I am aware you are a quite capable mare, but I advise you, be on the lookout for a possible trap.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure, whatever.” She flew over to the tree and squinted at the knot hole.

Twilight craned her neck, but couldn’t see past Rainbow’s mane. “Do you see anything?”

“Nah, it’s just dark.” She rose up a few inches and brought her hoof to the hole.

“I say,” Basil snapped. “I do not believe that shoving one’s entire leg inside a dark crevice could be considered a form of being mindful of traps.”

“Ugh, fine,” Rainbow groaned. “Twi, you’ve got a flashlight attached to your head, come here.” She darted down and scooped Twilight around the middle and hefted her over to the tree.

“Geeze, a little bit of warning first,” she grumbled, wriggling in Rainbow’s grasp. She slipped down until she was held across the chest, just under her forelegs, with her hooves pressed against the tree on either side of the knot hole. “Okay, now just hold me steady.” She lit her horn and pointed it inside the tree.

“Do you see anything?” Rainbow asked.

Twilight’s throat ran dry.

The wrinkled newspaper sat propped up at the end of the tree’s cavity, straight back from the opening, framed to be the first thing anypony would see when looking inside. Its position was held up by a jumble of acorns and markers the same size and shape as the lone yellow one they still had from the crusaders’ set. But Twilight’s attention was drawn away to everything else in the tree.

The cavity extended back four feet and both widened and went up higher from the knot hole, leaving a sort of cave the perfect size for some sort of woodland critter to make a home. If she was looking at a critter’s home, Twilight reasoned, it was critter that was a hoarder. Stretching away from the clear path back to the newspaper was a tremendous collection of junk.

Food wrappers, marbles, pieces of hard candy, candles, quills, eye-liner brushes, tea cups, jacks, playing cards, rubber bands, and countless other things, more things than Twilight could process at once, filled the recess completely.

Twilight cleared her throat and swallowed. “…Well, there isn’t a trap, but it wouldn’t have been pleasant to try and stick your hoof in here. You’d probably have hit that pin-cushion.”

“Eh?” Rainbow sagged her grip, then straightened back out.

“There is … just … a lot …” She took a steadying breath and shook her head. “I don’t know where to start.”

Rainbow grunted. “Start by telling us what the heck is going on. We can’t see anything, remember?”

“Yes, sorry. The newspaper is here, and was definitely left for us to find, along with the markers. Diamond Acorn probably put them both together so whatever path we took to try and find one, we’d end up finding the other. There are also … just … so many other things in here.” She pushed away from the tree a little, and Rainbow started to take her down. “No, no—I just need some space, just hold me up about a foot away from the tree, okay?” With her horn still shining light on the hole, she started grabbing things and floating them down to the ground.

It took long enough to empty out the recess that Rainbow started grumbling and adjusting her grip. Twilight couldn’t believe how much stuff had been shoved into the tree, and how much of the stuff was unequivocally garbage. Broken hearth’s warming baubles, spent matches, empty liquor bottles, things that nopony in their right mind would even notice had gone missing. She puzzled over a cracked set of plastic sunglasses that had been lined with rhinestones, half of which had fallen out, and frowned at a ratty old teddy mare missing an eye, a hoof, and most of its yarn mane in chunks. Without even meaning to, she set everything out along the ground in ordered rows. It filled up all of the patch of grass and spilled out onto the forked pathways.

“This is …” Basil blinked slowly at the growing catalogue of trash, a thread of wonder in his voice. “This must be everything Diamond Acorn has stolen from Ponyville which went unnoticed. He couldn’t stage such unloved objects for me to find, if nopony brought their absence to my attention …” He stepped back from a sky-blue tea saucer with a fracture spiderwebbing through the center that Twilight set down in front of him. “… This isn’t the manifestation of a master criminal. This a work of madness. The result of an insatiable compulsion to steal …” He took another step back and sat down hard, eyes roving over the growing spread of junk.

“It must just be a game to him,” Twilight muttered as she worked. “He probably took everything here out from under somepony’s snout, and the goal wasn’t to have whatever it was, just to take it, and not be noticed …” She shook her head slowly. “I don’t think he even cared that nopony realized these things were gone and that he couldn’t hide them for you, he just steals to steal, and the fact that you’ve noticed and are chasing him is something else unrelated. Something extra.”

Rainbow fidgeted and repositioned them both in the air. “I’m kinda with Basil here, Twi, this dude sounds freaking nuts.”

“Oh, I’m not disagreeing with either of you. This is definitely the work of a crazy pony.” She cleared out the last of the trash, dropping a rusty bottle opener on the ground, and grasped the markers and newspaper in her magic. They floated out and Rainbow brought them down to the path.

Twilight set the markers down and straightened them in a nice row. “We’re still missing the case. Wait …” She squinted and looked over the array of garbage, smiled, and picked out the case from between a rusty weed hook and a box of cotton swabs. “I thought I saw it in there.” She slid the markers into place one by one, in order by color.

Basil cleared his throat. “I think the newspaper is the more pressing order of business, Miss Twilight.” Rainbow snickered.

“If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right,” she snapped. “And these markers belong to the cutie mark crusaders, I’d like to return them in good shape when we see them.”

“Regardless,” he said, and hefted the paper. “They are clearly the red herring of this puzzle, while this is the central piece. We must try and gain something useful from it.” He sighed through his snout. “I wish to the stars that I could say that I have the utmost certainty that somewhere within this lies a key piece of evidence for us, but I fear we are simply fumbling through the next phase of Diamond Acorn’s game. I had hoped we’d found a chink within his armor in tracing this back, yet it was left for us to find, and any sort of advantage was merely an illusion.”

Twilight closed the filled marker case and set it on the ground. “I’m inclined to agree with you. Though this all has gotten more and more out of hoof, and there’s the chance that he’s getting sloppy.” She saw two points of color rise up on Basil’s cheeks as he stared at the cover page. “What?” He grunted and pressed his mouth thin, then turned the paper so she could see it.

The old photo of Basil in the author portrait of the column was no longer black and white. A scratchy application of markers had filled in his coat and pipe with color, though Twilight couldn’t exactly call them the right colors. The pipe was close, but Basil’s coat had been colored in pink, with a forest green around the contours and darker shadows, turning his portrait into a garish Hearth’s Warming card. “… Interesting.”

Rainbow glanced over Twilight’s shoulder, snorted, and covered her mouth.

Basil rolled his eyes. “I suppose it fits quite succinctly with your statements yesterday over judging ponies too harshly. Prodigious skill at theft and stealth does not guarantee a sophisticated sense of humor.”

“Aw, c’mon, that’s funny. You’d be less sour about it if somepony stuffed you with candy and hung you by the fireplace,” Rainbow said.

Twilight sighed and grabbed the paper. “I’m sure we could spend all day trying to figure out whatever the heck that is supposed to mean,” she thumped the picture for emphasis, “but let’s see if there’s anything less bizarre first.” She unfolded the paper and spread it on the ground, smoothing out the creases as best as she could.

Rainbow tilted her head sideways and pressed up against Twilight’s cheek to get the same view. “See anything? ‘Cause I don’t.”

“No,” she grumbled, and pushed Rainbow away a little with her face. “Give me a chance to actually read it, please.”

“Ugh, c’mon, flip ahead a little and look for something. The article jumps around a bunch.” She flipped a few pages over Twilight’s protests, then stopped and said, “See? What’s that?” pointing at two blotches of pink on the page.

Twilight lowered her head. Words in the article had been highlighted with a marker. “Seek, and me.”

“Eh?”

“Diamond Acorn highlighted those two words in a sentence. Seek and me.”

“Hmn,” Basil grunted. “It seems rather, as they say, on the snout, but perhaps we’re missing something. What’s the context in which those words appear?”

Twilight cleared her throat. “Speaking charitably, they seek either resolution to that which plagues them, or to if nothing else provide me enough rope with which to hang myself.”

“Mm, yes, unlikely a connection there, it must simply be a message spelled out using words from the article. Make sure it was the first—”

Twilight had a marker out of the case and an old receipt from the collection of stolen trash floating next to her as she flipped through the pages of the newspaper. “Way ahead of you.” She scribbled down notes on the back of the receipt until she got to the end of the article, her mouth a thin line as she read the last two words Basil had written, both of them highlighted.

Rainbow craned around to look at the receipt. “What’s it say?”

Twilight looked at her note and read it out. “Seek me. I shall reveal the location, if you stay vigilant.” She turned the note and newspaper around to show Basil, and flipped through the pages. “That’s what was highlighted, in the order it appeared in the article.” She stopped on a page with a long smear of pink. “Most of the message is from this sentence, ‘I shall reveal the location of the missing griffin, as indeed the griffin is within this very room,’ with the rest taken in individual words. Except for your, uh, sign off.”

Basil’s eyes widened and a ghost of a smile crossed his face. “…This might be it, madams. We might be narrowing in on him, right now, as we speak.”

Rainbow shifted from side to side with nervous energy. “Yeah, he’s totally calling you out. What’s it mean, though? He’ll tell you where to go, but only if you are paying really close attention? Attention to what?”

“Hmn.” Basil frowned and took the newspaper in his own magic to turn back and forth through the article. “This and the markers were the only items kept separate from the rest of this refuse, correct?” 

“There were also some acorns.” She let out a long sigh. “I would have taken one to cast the tracking spell on, but I’d bet you anything that it and all of the other acorns we’ve seen were taken from this exact tree.”

Basil glanced back at the foliage of the tree and nodded. “I suspect you’re correct. Well, if no other stolen items were present, I shall then assume that the answers lie within the paper itself, buried deeper than a highlighted message, and that I am to use my usual methods to uncover it.” His frown deepened to one of distaste. “Which, I must suppose, starts with reading the article carefully. Although I quite hate rereading former works of mine. I do believe sacrifices must sometimes be made.”

“Wait, hold on,” Rainbow cut in. “You said your usual methods, right? Try your sense spell thingie!”

Basil’s brows went up again and he smiled. “That is an excellently reasoned suggestion, Miss Rainbow. And even if it were not, I welcome any excuse not to reread my past work.” His horn brightened and his nostrils flared.

“Anything?” Twilight and Rainbow asked at the same time.

“… Lemon juice.” His eyes widened and his smile grew larger. “Lemon juice! It smells of lemon juice!”

Twilight and Rainbow exchanged a look, then watched Basil ransack through the pages of the paper while sniffing with excitement. Rainbow scratched her neck. “… Um …”

“It’s the primary ingredient in vanishing ink! There is an additional encoded message to be read, invisible to the naked eye, but present for those who remain vigilant!” He slapped the newspaper shut, gave it one last sniff, and held it mostly upside down over his head. “And it is here on the front page.” He puffed his pipe back to smoldering life, then floated the bowl close to the page, bathing it with heat.

A line of the article flushed yellow and faded to brown as the pipe floated past. They all shouted at once in victory.

“What’s it say? What’s it say?” Rainbow bounced on her hooves and lunged at the paper, catching it out of the air and slapping it flat to the ground. She looked down, and got buffeted one way, then the other by Twilight and Basil crowding around. The line of invisible ink marked off a phrase of a sentence, one of the opening lines of the article.

They all read it out loud at once. “The setting of my arrival.”

Basil stepped back and paled. “Diamond Acorn’s arrival?” he mused. “I first took notice of his existence in a small hamlet, far to the northwest of here, a journey requiring a minimum of two days, and that would be if we set off now with zero preparation. What was the name of that hamlet again?” He drew his brow together and frowned in thought. “I believe it was called Bridleshire. He had stolen a bag of diamond dust from the local wizard, hence his name, and—”

“It wouldn’t be that arrival,” Twilight said over Basil, making him clack his teeth together, then grumble under his breath. “Remember, he’s been including us, me and Rainbow, which is something new. It would be in Ponyville.”

Rainbow rubbed her chin. “So the fountain? That’s where all this started, right?”

Basil nodded. “Well reasoned. It was indeed where I made my presence in Ponyville first known, and the site of the staging for the first theft here, the inciting incident, as it were. I believe that is a fine conclusion. Well, madams, shall we proceed?” He smiled with relief clear on his face. “I believe this journey is nearing its conclusion.”

“No.” Twilight said. The other two stopped and looked at her in confusion, then preoccupation at the sight of her face. Twilight darted her eyes back and forth and chewed her lip in worry. “Basil’s arrival in Ponyville was at the fountain, but Diamond Acorn got here earlier than that. His arrival was somewhere else.” Her eyes widened. She jumped in place, then turned and slammed her hooves into the ground, running with all her might.

She heard yelps of surprise, then then clatter of hooves following after her. “Miss Twilight!” Basil called between already struggling breaths. “Wait! Where are we going?”

“I’m so stupid!” Twilight shouted. “Why did I tell her it was safe? Why did I say she didn’t have to worry anymore, and she could put it all behind her? It made her an easy target!”

“Twi, what’re you talking about?” Rainbow said as she caught up and matched pace alongside Twilight.

“Diamond Acorn has Fluttershy!”




> Chapter 13
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rainbow followed Twilight along the path that curved its way in a circle around Ponyville in the direction of Fluttershy’s cottage. She didn’t think of Twilight as being particularly athletic, but she was straining to keep up on her hooves. She glanced over her shoulder at Basil, who lagged back with a growing gap, then opened her wings and jumped into the air.

She overtook Twilight and slowed down to fly overhead and off to the side. “We’re losing Basil.”

“He’ll … catch … up.” She panted out.

“Does he know where Fluttershy lives?” Twilight heaved in a breath, then Rainbow answered her own question, saying, “Right, detective, we’re not worrying about him. Do …” She grimaced in discomfort and glanced up the path. The treeline broke in a few hundred feet, and the path would start following the river that would lead them to Fluttershy’s, but they were still several minutes away from arriving. “Do you want me to go on ahead?”

“Lemme … trees … tele … port.” Twilight wheezed out.

Rainbow made a face and was about to ask what that was supposed to mean when they cleared the forest and Twilight slammed her hooves down and skidded to a halt. She pulled up in surprise and gave a confused look towards Fluttershy’s home off in the distance, then circled back to hover in front of Twilight, who was gulping down air. “Say that aga—”

A flash of magic blinded her. In the sea of blinding white, the air disappeared from under her wings. In the split second, she flailed in surprise and fell like a stone, but before hitting the ground, she felt as if she was pulled sideways through a kitchen funnel by her tail. She sprawled out on the ground, bleary and seasick. “Whuzzah …” Her eyes refocused enough to see Twilight next to her, trying to rein her breaths back under control. Fluttershy’s cottage stood directly in front of them. “Ugh,” Rainbow said as she forced her hooves back under her. “Warn me next time you’re gonna teleport me, geeze.”

“I did warn you.” Twilight grimaced as she swallowed, and wiped her brow with a hoof. “Now come on, we’re wasting time.” She hurried to the door and pressed up against it.

Rainbow grumbled in irritation and glanced up the path, not seeing any sign of Basil in the distance. She turned back and headed towards the door. “Are we knocking, or—?”

“Shh,” Twilight said with her ear pressed up against the door. “I don’t hear anything,” she whispered. “We should try to take him by surprise if we can. On the count of three, push.” Rainbow pressed her shoulder up against the door and nodded. “One, two, three!”

Twilight spun the handle and the two of them crashed into Fluttershy’s living room, sending up a cloud of indignant bird shrieks from every perch. Rainbow dropped low and prepared for a tackle.

Fluttershy let out a yipe and fell off her couch.

Rainbow straightened and scanned the room. The house was filled with animals like it usually was, most of which darted around making indignant noises at their interruption. She frowned and rushed over to look in the kitchen, but nopony was in it.

Fluttershy looked up over the edge of her coffee table with wide eyes. “O-oh, it’s you guys. What?” The chitters and squeaks drowned her out and took on an aggressive tone, and Rainbow raised her eyebrows as a gang of chipmunks put themselves between her and Fluttershy like tiny guard dogs. Fluttershy stood up and announced firmly, “Calm down, everyone! It’s okay, these are my friends!”

Rows of tiny heads swiveled around to look at her, from the makeshift critter battalion, to the birds circling through the air, to animals poking out from dozens of hiding places, including a squirrel that had taken refuge in Fluttershy’s mane. The tension in the room dissolved in an instant, and all of the animals dispersed to go back to what they were doing before.

Rainbow shook her head and wandered back over to Twilight. “So … fountain?”

“Um …” Fluttershy looked between the two of them with a worried expression. “It’s … not that I don’t like it when you stop by, you’re always welcome, but next time, maybe …”

Twilight sighed. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy, we thought … I thought that maybe something was wrong and … we were following a clue for us left by Diamond Acorn, and I thought—”

“Oh, you know Diamond already?” Fluttershy asked, her expression brightening.

Twilight and Rainbow’s teeth clattered shut at the same time and they flinched, looking back and forth between each other and Fluttershy.

“You know Diamond?” Twilight cried.

“Oh, yes. We had tea.”

She shook her head violently and let out a breath. “Well, I’m glad he didn’t …” she grimaced, then exhaled again slowly, turning to Rainbow. “I guess there isn’t an emergency anymore.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

“I guess this makes sense,” she muttered, half to herself, “up until this point he hasn’t done anything to directly harm anypony, I was just worried that …” She straightened and turned back to Fluttershy. “Did he say where he was going?”

“Going? He’s still here.”

“What!?”

“Where!?”

The door slammed open, igniting a new round of angry squawks, and Basil slumped against the frame. “Running is not a strong suit of mine,” he panted. “Is he here? Has anypony been harmed?”

“Oh, Basil Bones, I was hoping you’d come,” Fluttershy said, her tone more pleased than Rainbow expected. “Let me introduce you to …” The squirrel in Fluttershy’s mane leapt down onto the coffee table and twitched its tail. “Diamond Acorn.”

A fog of silence fell over the living room. Rainbow blinked. “… You mean the squirrel?”

Fluttershy smiled and nodded.

Rainbow tilted her head. The squirrel mimicked her. Basil slowly walked into the room and set himself between her and Twilight, looked at the squirrel, and then looked to Rainbow, then Twilight. “… She’s pulling my hoof, right?”

“Um …” Twilight wobbled over to the couch and sat down hard. “Somepony needs to explain this to me before I have an aneurysm.”

“Surely this is a prank,” Basil said louder.

Rainbow squinted at the squirrel distrustfully. “Fluttershy doesn’t really do pranks.”

“Of course it isn’t,” Fluttershy said, frowning. “Though I’m afraid I don’t quite understand what’s going on here. This little fella just told me that he knows you, Basil Bones, and has been waiting for a chance to talk to you.” She shuffled her hooves. “By which I mean—he means—well, he’s been looking for somepony like me, so you can understand him.”

Basil scratched the side of his head and peered over the top of his glasses at the squirrel, which jumped in a backflip of excitement, then darted up to the edge of the table and stood on its hind legs to reach for Basil. “It—erm, ah, he knows me? How in Equestria have I made his acquaintance, exactly?”

The squirrel raced back to Fluttershy, bounding up to her shoulder. It chittered energetically, while Fluttershy nodded, then she turned and said, “He says he doesn’t really know you yet, but feels like he knows you really well already. He reads your articles.”

Basil’s eyes widened. “He can read?”

The squirrel nodded. Fluttershy giggled behind a hoof. “He is a rather smart one, isn’t he? It’s rare for animals to learn how to read, especially without a teacher.” The squirrel said some more, and Fluttershy continued, “He’s been wanting to meet you for ages, but didn’t have a way to speak to you, so he says he did the only thing he knew would get your attention.” As it continued, Fluttershy’s expression shifted to concern and she turned her attention away from Basil. “Oh, sweetie, it’s wrong to do that to ponies.” Her frown deepened at the squirrel’s response. “It doesn’t matter if the things aren’t worth anything. They didn’t belong to you.”

Rainbow looked at Twilight, who was sinking into the couch with a look of mortified shock frozen on her face.

“Wait a minute!” Fluttershy said, sharply enough that the squirrel—Diamond Acorn, Rainbow reminded herself— leaped back onto the coffee table. “You were the one who took my tea set! That was very impolite of you, mister.”

Diamond zigzagged back and forth on the tabletop, chattering and twitching his tail. Fluttershy crossed her forelegs over her chest. “That doesn’t make up for it … Your intentions don’t matter either, it’s still wrong to take things … I guess that is true.” Her stern expression leveled out to a frown, and as he finished squeaking again, she took a long breath and nodded. “Okay. I’ll forgive you. I’m still a little angry, but I’ll forgive you.” She nodded as he chittered again, and climbed back up on her shoulder.

Twilight raised a hoof to say something, but all that came out was a tiny whimper.

“I think what she wanted to say was,” Rainbow said, turning from Twilight to Fluttershy, “what the heck was all of that?”

She breathed out through her snout in disapproval. “Diamond told me that he’s been stealing from ponies without their permission and hiding the things he’s stolen in order to get Basil Bones’ attention.”

Basil let out a strangled grunt of disbelief.

“I told him it was wrong to do that. He made the point that since he knew that the things he took would be returned to their owners once Basil found them, it wasn’t really stealing, that it was more like borrowing without asking.”

Twilight whimpered again.

“I still think it’s wrong, but he’s right that it isn’t as bad as stealing.” Her expression softened and she looked at him on her shoulder. “And I suppose you were only doing it to try and get Basil’s attention, and not just stealing for the sake of stealing.”

Diamond twitched his whiskers and hunched down on Fluttershy’s shoulder.

“And what exactly is ‘I can stop anytime I want to’ supposed to mean, mister?”

Basil wobbled on his legs and pulled the pipe out of his mouth. “I think that I need to sit down.” He stumbled over to the couch and sunk in next to Twilight.

Rainbow looked from them, to Fluttershy, to Diamond, and back to Fluttershy. “… Is this all for real?”

“What wouldn’t be real about it?” Fluttershy frowned. “I know lots of ponies tend to discount animals most of the time, but they can be very clever. If he set his mind to borrowing things without permission and leaving them for Basil to find, it really isn’t that strange or unexpected. Tank likes to bring you slippers, doesn’t he?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Well, this is Diamond’s way of trying to bring Basil slippers. It probably isn’t even that hard for him. Ponies already discount animals, he’d be able to go pretty much anywhere unnoticed if he wanted to.”

Basil’s voice quivered. “We aren’t talking about an animal moving an item into my path, though, we’re discussing an intricate method of concealment, with a series of barely perceptible clues left for me to follow.”

Diamond chittered. “He said he left things for you to find, not for anypony to find.”

Basil opened and closed his mouth several times, then flopped back against the couch again.

Twilight sat up and strength came into her tone. “There was a squirrel following me through the hedge maze in Canterlot! That was you, wasn’t it?”

Fluttershy’s eyebrows raised, and she listened to Diamond’s response. “… He says that he followed you on the train, because he knew you were the only pony who could …” She listened some more, her expression turning to one of confusion. “Who could make it so that you, me, Basil, and him could all be in the same place at the same time.” Diamond twitched his tail and looked at Rainbow.

Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “What, you got something to say to me?”

Diamond darted up to Fluttershy’s ear and whispered a series of little clicks. Fluttershy’s confusion turned to a wry smile. “He asked you very nicely to not throw anything at him or Basil, and that he thinks you’re really cool, and much more clever than what some ponies would give you credit for.”

“Thanks!” She puffed out her chest, then hunched down and glowered. “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“This is all absurd,” Basil snapped as he stood back up, a thread of hysterics in his voice. “Surely if this squirrel wanted to properly present himself to me he could have written a letter. I am well known to cast an eye over the large pool of correspondence I receive from my readers. And if we are taking it as evident that he is able to read, then a letter wouldn’t be too far outside of the realm of plausibility.”

Diamond hopped on Fluttershy and waggled his front paws in the air. “Quills and pencils are too big for him to use.”

“He directed us to this very location by means of highlighting an encoded message in a newspaper article using markers, and an additional message in invisible ink!”

Twilight rubbed her chin. “Well, those things don’t need that much fine motor control, he would just need to drag a marker across the page in a reasonably straight line.”

“Miss Twilight, he colored in my portrait!”

Diamond chittered. Fluttershy smiled indulgently at him. “He said that took him all night to get right, and he asked if you liked it.”

“Ah, um.” Basil sat down, taken aback. “Well, erm, I’m afraid I didn’t understand the choice of pink in it?”

Diamond cocked his head to the side, and Fluttershy let out a small gasp. “Oh! Squirrels are partly color-blind, the same as dogs. Reds and greens look like different shades of the same color to them.”

Basil’s eyes widened and his jaw went slack. A silence hung in the air for several moments. He looked over to Twilight. “I’m afraid that I am losing my mental faculties, in that I am beginning to accept this account of events.”

“I am, too,” she answered. She frowned and looked directly at the squirrel. “Can I ask you a few questions, just to try and have a clear picture of events?”

Diamond nodded.

“You said that you needed to involve me—and Rainbow, because I’d be able to smooth things along enough for this conversation to happen.” Diamond nodded again and hopped in place. “Couldn’t you have just talked to Fluttershy from the start? If when you took the tea set it was to try and get Fluttershy and Basil to be in contact, wouldn’t it have been easier to tell her about everything?”

Cocking his head one way, then the other, Diamond squeaked at Fluttershy. “He says that he could have, but then …” she frowned and looked at him disapprovingly, then shook her head and half smiled. “Then it wouldn’t be a ‘trifle’ for Basil to solve, which would have been disappointing for both of them.”

Basil rubbed his forehead while staring off into space. “Hmn. Yes. Disappointing,” he muttered.

Twilight let out a long breath and tapped her chin. “And after things went … the way they went yesterday morning, you didn’t decide to put the, uh, game aside and talk to her then?”

Diamond started to answer, but Fluttershy spoke first. “Even if he did, I’m … not sure that I would’ve been able to talk to Basil without you and Rainbow here, too. He makes me nervous.”

Basil rose up out of his stupor a little. “I believe, Miss Fluttershy, that I have not properly apologized to you for the callous treatment I gave you yesterday.” He sounded far away in his thoughts. “I deeply regret my unfair judgment and any of the ramifications that have come to bear upon you from it.”

Fluttershy looked at the ground and nodded awkwardly, pawing the floor with a hoof. “I, um, appreciate you saying that.” She cleared her throat and looked to Twilight. “I needed some time to, erm, recover after everything yesterday, and the other animals could tell.” She glanced around the room at the assortment of critters eating, drinking, and playing. “You see how much busier it is in here today? They were all giving me space to be alone, the little dears.”

Diamond chattered, and Fluttershy gave him a warm smile when he finished. “He said he was going to tell me, but wanted to wait until today to give me a chance to feel better first. And since he needed to wait, he thought he could maybe keep the game going until then.”

Twilight nodded and rubbed her chin. “Okay. And you said that you followed me to Canterlot on the train, but that was just to get there. How did you get back with the newspaper?”

His nose twitched and he talked to Fluttershy. “He took the train back, too. He says you were already here when he got off the train. He wants to know how, because it really caught him off guard, he was expecting you to come back on the next one.”

“Rainbow came to Canterlot on her own and we both flew back together,” she answered. A pained look flashed across her face and she looked at Rainbow. “We should have watched the train when it came in! We would have noticed a squirrel carrying a newspaper!”

Rainbow winced and groaned.

Basil lifted his head again, his voice a normal, composed tone. “What was the first item I ever noticed you had stolen?”

Fluttershy listened, then said, “Diamond dust, which is why you gave him the nickname.”

Basil nodded gravely. “And the second?”

“A broken chain from a pocket-watch.” Fluttershy shrunk back. “Um. Not that I mind translating, but are we going to go through everything?”

“No,” he sighed. “I simply have one more inquiry. Well, two, but one is purely to satisfy my own curiosity. The primary question is this: have you by chance ever heard of a contraption called a typewriter?”

Diamond cocked his head to the side. Fluttershy listened and said, “He asked if you were talking about a printing press.”

“Hmn. I had assumed not, given your avowal in regards to why you have not written me a letter.” He straightened and cleared his throat. “A typewriter is a mechanical apparatus designed to press inked typeset into parchment through the application of pressure onto designated levers. One simply impresses a lever with the desired letter, and the machine copies that letter onto the piece of parchment, then lines up for the next letter. The levers are made suitably large for a pony to use their hooves, and the application of pressure is minor enough to not cause fatigue. I believe its operation would be well within the physical capabilities of such an adept squirrel.”

Diamond’s eyes glittered. He leaped from Fluttershy’s shoulder in a long arc, landing on the coffee table. He sprung up and down in place, chattering with excitement. Fluttershy smiled at him and hid a chuckle behind a hoof. “My, aren’t you excited!”

Diamond jumped down and skittered up Basil’s leg, drawing out a quivering yelp, and settled on his shoulder.

Basil looked at Diamond, leaning his head as far away as possible, then to Fluttershy.

“He, um. He … wants to go with you? Diamond, sweetie, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. Not everypony lives in places where it would be safe for squirrels, and I don’t know that Mister Basil is really available for taking you.” She straightened up and raised her eyebrows. “Also, I’m—are … are you going to take him to jail now?”

Diamond twitched his whiskers, then turned and presented his forelegs, as if ready to be cuffed. Basil stared at him for several moments. “No, no,” he eventually said, a thread of resignation in his voice. “Even with his full confession, there is no possible manner in which charges of any sort will stick. I am doubtful that I could even muster up a sufficient number of victims who would be willing to press charges to even present a case to the constabulary, and barring a miracle where I could, the laws that were infringed upon would not apply in the case of a squirrel.”

Fluttershy frowned and gave Diamond a disapproving look. “You’re very lucky, mister. I forgive you and don’t want to press charges, but if somepony out there did, it would only be right, and the fact that the laws don’t apply means there’s a problem with the law.” She let out a breath. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.”

Basil looked at Fluttershy, then Twilight. “Did … that constitute as yelling?” Twilight smiled wryly. He cleared his throat and returned his attention to Diamond. “Regarding coming with me, I suppose that, considering how long and involved this … game … has been, I owe him that much of my time. I’m sure there is a much longer discourse he would like to have with me than is appropriate to try and conduct with an intermediary.”

Diamond bounced up and down again.

“There is another question I’d liked to ask before then. I have spent a very long time thinking of you and referring to you as Diamond Acorn, knowing full well that is not your true name. I have … dreamed … of learning your true name as I brought you to … justice …” He trailed off, staring at the wall.

“Oh, well, I know the answer to that already,” Fluttershy said. “He told me when he first came in. His name’s Maury. Maury Ardilla.”

Basil made a noncommittal sound through his snout and nodded, his expression still far off. He turned in place and walked towards the door.

Twilight raised her eyebrows, then turned and smiled at Fluttershy. “Thank you for your help.” She turned to follow Basil out.

“Of course. Um. See you guys later?” She gave Rainbow an uncertain look.

Rainbow shrugged, then smiled and waved before following the others out. She stretched her wings and flew upwards a few feet off the path. Basil kept in the middle of the dirt road that made its way back into Ponyville, walking at a sedate, distracted pace, with Twilight a few steps behind him, making starts to catch up with him and then stopping with a worried look on her face.

Rainbow dropped down and glided alongside Twilight. “Should we say something?” she whispered.

“I …” Twilight grimaced and shrugged.

They traveled in silence through the meadows leading into the town, wove past the school house, into the town square, and up to the station platform, where the first train of the morning stood, curling steam from its stack with the conductor standing outside the door. Basil stopped and stared through the train, his expression slack.

Rainbow landed, and Twilight gave her a look before stepping closer to him. “Uh, Basil?”

He listed where he stood a few inches one way, then the other. The squirrel chittered.

Basil started and shook his head, then looked down at his shoulder. “Ah, erm, Dia … Maury, why don’t you go ahead and board the train, as I need to purchase a ticket first. I will be on subsequently.”

Maury nodded and bounded onto the wooden platform. He darted between the conductor’s legs, making him gasp and jump, and when the conductor turned around to see where the squirrel had gone, Maury skirted around him and raced through the door.

Basil frowned vaguely. “I don’t believe he needed to sneak on, as there simply is no cover fee for animals,” he mused.

“Basil?” Twilight said.

“Hmn?”

“Are you okay?”

He sighed slowly and shook his head, his expression still lost and drawn. “Five years of my life. I spent five years of my life following him. I never got close to catching him, either, you understand. I found him only because he wanted to be found. Purely by his own design. I was rendered a simple marionette, playing what was, in truth, in the literal definition of the term, a game. And it was … a squirrel.”

Twilight looked back at Rainbow and chewed her lip. “I … appreciate how much of a shock that is.”

“Mm. Perhaps. I don’t wish to downplay your empathy, and I do appreciate the sentiment, but the madness you were subjected to by him lasted for around twenty-four hours, not five years.”

Twilight pressed her mouth together in a line and fidgeted back and forth on her hooves. “So … what now?”

“Now, I am going home, where there is a typewriter and sufficient time to have a protracted conversation.” He noticed his pipe dangling from his lips, straightened it, and appeared to be about to spark it back to life before closing his eyes and letting it fall back to the side of his mouth. “A protracted conversation … with a squirrel. Who is also one of my dedicated readers.” He ran a hoof through his mane. “If I’m hopeful, it will prove less tedious than those interactions typically go.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “You get fanboys?”

A glimmer of life reentered his eyes and he shot Rainbow a brief glare, before sighing again. “I suppose in this instance, I may end up having just as many questions for him as he has for me, though I worry I may know the answers to most of them already.”

Twilight knit her brow and looked at him askance for a moment. “And after that?”

He remained silent for a little while and his focus went far away again. “Perhaps after that I will take a hot shower. I’m afraid I don’t know what I’m going to do.” A bell at the station house chimed. He turned and walked towards the ticket salespony while fishing some bits from his saddle bag. “By chance, Dia … Maury may prove to be a good resource of information. Perhaps, with the language barrier appropriately lowered, we might even strike up a rapport. I admit I am likely viewing him through the lens of several decades of personal bias, and he might very well be just as capable and eloquent as any given pony. Perhaps I might make a friend.”

He purchased his ticket, then turned and trudged back along the platform. The conductor called out, “All aboard!” and he handed over his ticket.

He stepped onto the train and turned back to Twilight, standing in the door, his eyes looking sunken and dull. “Or, perhaps he will be a fanboy. A fanboy squirrel, who I never noticed on account of his species, and I will have to wake up every morning, look at myself in the mirror, and know that I spent five years following a squirrel across Equestria.”

Twilight opened her mouth, but the train blew its whistle, drowning out all sound on the platform. The door swung shut, and the train shuddered as it put itself into march. Basil’s expression didn’t change as he disappeared from view, the train streaming a plume of smoke as it wound out into the countryside.

Twilight turned to Rainbow and blinked.

Rainbow scratched her neck. “You, uh … think he’s gonna be okay?”

“Well … I don’t know. He didn’t look like it, but he’s probably still trying to come to terms with everything. I’m still trying to come to terms with it. I think he’ll be okay, though. I mean … I hope so.”

“Yeah. I don’t really like the guy that much, but still, that was the look of a pony you’d probably find hanging in his closet with a belt around his neck.”

“Rainbow!” Twilight admonished with a glare.

“Hey, I’m not saying I want him to kick it, I’m just saying.”

Twilight cleared her throat and shook her head. “Well, I hope his conversation with Maury is productive. Somepony should get something out of this whole mess.” She rubbed her eye. “I know I didn’t get anything out of it.”

“No kidding.” Rainbow shook her head and rolled her eyes. “I dunno that I can believe all of this. I mean, some stuff makes sense, kinda. Like, that tree we found full of crap, it’s a little less creepy for a squirrel to do that than a pony.”

Twilight nodded and turned, walking slowly back along the platform towards town. “Yeah, and how he stole things right in front of us without us noticing, since we were always looking for a pony to have done it.”

Rainbow followed alongside Twilight as they stepped down onto the street. “Sure. But a lot of it still doesn’t make any sense. Like, that whole newspaper puzzle thing. Sure, okay, a squirrel could do that, if it knew how to read, and had markers, and the stuff to make invisible ink, but if it could do that, shouldn’t it be able to write a dumb letter? I mean, it wouldn’t look very nice or whatever, but how many ponies have good mouthwriting, anyway? And, like, you went and talked to Fluttershy, right? And you decided it was somepony who broke in and stole the dumb tea set. So why’d it end up being a squirrel?”

Twilight sighed. “We didn’t actually decide that it couldn’t be an animal who took it, just that it was stolen by Diamond Acorn, without considering that Diamond Acorn could also be an animal.” She grumbled under her breath. “I probably should have considered that possibility, it was just …”

“Stupid?” Rainbow huffed through her snout. “This whole thing’s stupid. Nothing even got solved really, we just found out what was going on. From a dumb squirrel.”

“Not a dumb squirrel, an incredibly smart one. And really, I don’t know why I’m even bothering to second guess what I could have done differently, like if I had noticed Maury sneaking into my bag in Canterlot, or we found him getting off the train in Ponyville. We would have just found a squirrel, and ended up more confused. The only reason this had any sort of resolution at all was because Fluttershy was there. That squirrel could have been saying anything and we wouldn’t have known the difference.”

Rainbow stopped cold. Her eyebrows shot up and her mouth went slack. A series of images rushed across her thoughts, one after another, playing out like clips from a movie.

Fluttershy stood in her dimly lit kitchen in the middle of the night, whispering something to a bat and pointing at the tiny tea set. The bat took the set in its back claws and flew up into the air and out of a window. The light changed and brightened to early morning and Fluttershy stood out in her back garden, sending away a weasel with a small bag of coffee grounds and an acorn. An hour or two later, the same weasel gave her a wagon wheel. Then in the middle of the day, she said something to Angel just outside her front door and gave him a note, an acorn, and the wagon wheel, and he raced through town, stopping off at the café to collect a coffee mug from the table. Angel waited behind Carousel Boutique for she and Twilight to go find the crusaders, before racing up the tree. Fluttershy stood at the edge of the train platform, explaining something to a squirrel holding an acorn in its paws that then darted in as a door closed on the train, heading off to Canterlot with Twilight’s cheek pressed against a window. The sun began to set as she talked to a group of birds just outside the park, each carrying an acorn, before she walked forward and sprang a snare trap. She sat at her coffee table with a set of markers open in front of her, and carefully highlighted single words at a time in a newspaper.

Dozens of more snippets across a series of years flitted through Rainbows mind, animals carrying messages to other animals, spreading out across every corner of Equestria. The snippets culminated in the scene of Rainbow leaving with Twilight, Basil, and “Diamond Acorn” a scant few minutes before, with Fluttershy closing the door behind them. Fluttershy dropped to the floor and cackled. The animals around her joined in as Basil left, a broken stallion, carrying a well-trained squirrel on his shoulder. The squirrel would know to slip away at the right time. Perhaps as soon as Basil turned around to buy his ticket, the squirrel had jumped off and raced back to Fluttershy’s cottage to join in with the maniacal laughter. Maybe Basil was sitting alone in the train right that moment with no more answers, the reality of the world as he knew it crashing down around his head.

Rainbow stared forward with her brows raised in shock, long enough for Twilight to stop and turn back to look at her with a quizzical expression. Rainbow frowned in thought. “… Nah.” She shook her head and caught up with Twilight. “So what’s up now?”

“Now, I think we better go deal with one last dangling part of all of this. Something I’ve been dreading. Probably the worst part of everything that happened in the last two days.”

Rainbow’s stomach flipped itself over, and she forced her expression to neutral, her own sense of dread returning in full force. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. Now we get to explain that it was all a squirrel to the cutie mark crusaders.”

Rainbow groaned. “You’re right, that’s much worse than what I was thinking.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

An awkward pause choked out the conversation for a moment and they stood just outside the train station, looking out along the road that eventually arrived at Scootaloo’s home.

Twilight smiled and jabbed Rainbow’s shoulder. “Want to make a bet?”

She raised an eyebrow. “What sorta bet?”

“Two bits says that Scootaloo hasn’t mowed her lawn yet.”

Snorting, Rainbow shook her head. “As if. You’re pretty much asking me to give you two bits.” She set off along the road with Twilight following next to her and started snickering to herself. “The day I take that bet is the day Fluttershy starts turning tricks.”

Twilight sighed. “That’s still not funny.”

“You’re still not funny.” She bumped Twilight’s side. “Hey, cheer up, today could be a lot worse. At least it wasn’t Discord.”

Twilight’s eyebrows went up and she stopped walking forward. A moment passed and she shook her head. “… Nah.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow, and Twilight shook her head and pressed into Rainbow’s side. Rainbow slipped her wing across Twilight’s back, and the two of the walked down the road together.




> Epilogue
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight flopped on her bed and groaned. “Why did today feel just as long as yesterday did?” Rainbow chuckled as she walked by the window. Twilight looked at her and smiled faintly, smoothing out her tone of voice. “Okay, it wasn’t that bad. It could have been a lot worse.”

“Speak for yourself, it feels like the crusaders beat the crap out of me.”

“Hey, relay racing them without a partner was your idea.”

“Yeah, well, we needed something to distract them. I thought Apple Bloom was gonna explode.” She poked around at Twilight’s saddlebag that was propped up against the wall. “Hey, any of those caramels left?”

Twilight sighed. “No, I got Big Mac to actually take them today. After I explained to Spike that just because Big Mac says it’s okay for him to go over there for the night whenever, that doesn’t mean he can go over every night for no reason.”

Rainbow snorted and covered her face with a hoof. “So that’s why you disappeared for like an hour after lunch. And why he’s sleeping downstairs tonight.” She fell over backwards and spread her legs out in all directions on the bed.

“Partially. I also found those comics of his. He hid them with your things.”

Rainbow rolled to the side and her expression leveled out and turned sheepish. “Yeah? Hey, um. So, like, if you ended up punishing him for doing that …”

Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “Uh huh …”

“Just, like … you should figure out how bad the punishment should be as if somepony told him that putting his comics there was okay.”

Twilight took in a long breath and chuckled. “Well, if you’re that worried about it, you’re welcome to help him with his extra chores tomorrow.”

“Hey, I didn’t say anything about me.” She grinned with a guilty look on her face until they both laughed. Rainbow stretched back out on the bed and stuck her hooves under her head. “At least we got everything figured out and can put these last two days way behind us.”

Twilight felt her smile slip off her face and butterflies rise up in her stomach. “Hey, so … we should probably talk.”

Rainbow sprung back up, her expression turning seasick.

Twilight sat up and pressed forward quickly. “We’ve been putting it off and I haven’t wanted to push it while all of everything was going on, but I know that what Basil said to you yesterday morning really upset you, and I don’t want to leave it be and let it get weird and uncomfortable again, we should just deal with it now before it—”

“I haven’t thought about getting married, okay!?” Rainbow blurted out. Twilight’s jaw snapped shut and she watched Rainbow fidget and look away. “Basil said I was about to propose to you, and I haven’t even thought about getting married at all, but, like, we’re adults, and we’ve been going out for a bunch of time now, and I should be thinking about it a little, right?” She looked back at Twilight, her face red with embarrassment. “You’ve probably been thinking about it, and maybe wondering when I was gonna ask, or … thinking about asking me, and I’ve just been wandering around like I’m still a foal.” She looked down at the floor with her ears pinned back.

“Rainbow … I …”

“I didn’t mean for all of this to get all blown up and weird. I was gonna just talk to you about it yesterday, that’s why I flew to Canterlot.”

Twilight raised her brows and then winced at herself, remembering very sharply how she asked Rainbow if whatever she wanted to talk about could wait.

“And then last night, but you were messed up from the day already and just wanted to sleep. Heck, I just wanted to sleep, too, so I didn’t fight it.” She rubbed her face. “And then this morning … Ugh, it all got stretched out forever, and now it’s this big thing now, and … Look, I’m sorry I’m like a dumb kid, I know you deserve more than that, and—”

“Rainbow, wait a second,” she cut in. “Up until you flew off after throwing that hay bale at Basil, I hadn’t thought about getting married, either. I thought it was a joke that he’d think that. I was worried you were upset because you really were going to propose to me, and since I said he was out of his mind, that you then thought that if you proposed, I was going to say no.”

Rainbow’s face slackened, tension rolled off her body, and she sunk into the bed with a slow exhale. “So … it’s all over nothing?” She sat back up with her back hooves dangling off the side of the bed and looked out the window. She sighed and ran a hoof through her mane. “I really should’ve just talked it out with you.”

Smiling, Twilight shrugged and scooted over to sit on the edge of the bed next to Rainbow. “I sort of panicked, too. Honestly, if you tried to talk to me yesterday, I might have ended up running.”

Rainbow snorted and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right.”

“Really, it’s true. I almost had a panic attack at Fluttershy’s when I realized that maybe you were going to ask me to marry you and I had no idea how to react.” She chuckled at herself. “Rarity not being home was the real nightmare. I almost tried to track her down in Canterlot to ask her advice, before I noticed that Diamond Acorn had stolen that newspaper.”

Rainbow grinned and gave her a side eye. “Lemme guess, you didn’t just go to give Big Mac some candy after lunch, huh?”

“I went to Rarity’s, too, yeah,” she said with a sigh. “She just wanted to talk about wedding dresses though, and I thought I was going to die.”

Laughing, Rainbow bumped Twilight’s shoulder. She grinned and let herself rest up against Rainbow, staring out the window at the darkening sky. A comfortable lull stretched out and she let the tension she’d been holding onto for hours roll off she shoulders.

“Is there something wrong with us?” Rainbow asked, her voice somber.

“Huh?”

Rainbow shrugged and fiddled with the blanket. “My parents were two years younger than I am now when they got married. I mean, they were pretty young, I know that, but they met right out of school, and just sorta never looked back.”

“Fluttershy said something similar about her parents.”

“I dunno. Maybe it’s just a pegasus thing.”

Twilight rubbed her cheek, pulling away from Rainbow so their shoulders stopped touching. “I don’t think so. I don’t know.”

“What about your family?”

“My parents dated each other while they were in school and didn’t get married until after they graduated.” She turned to Rainbow and gave her a half smile. “And before you think that’s exactly the same as your parents, Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns lasts a lot longer than most schools.”

Rainbow snickered. “Yeah, aren’t you still in school, egghead?”

Twilight huffed and shrugged. “I guess. I’d already written a senior thesis before coming here, it’s just never been formally submitted and I haven’t had a graduation. Honestly I have no idea what all of this stuff here even is yet.” She chuckled and shook her head. “Anyway, with my parents, it wasn’t much different from your parents, either. They were about our age when they got married. They’d just dated longer first.”

Rainbow nodded and fidgeted in discomfort, shifting her gaze back to the window.

Twilight shook her head. “This is silly. I don’t know why we should care what anypony else did, or how long they waited, or what’s going on with their marriages right now, but even if we really should, we’re forgetting about Shining Armor.”

“Huh. Good point. He just got married.”

“And he’s five years older than me. And he’s known Cadence for almost my whole life. Probably dated her for most of that, too, and I just didn’t notice.” Rainbow snickered, and Twilight stuck out her tongue. “Yeah, yeah, I admit it, I was too busy with my snout in a book to notice my brother kissing my foalsitter. Anyway, they went out for years, and didn’t get married until after Shining got promoted. And that doesn’t, and shouldn’t matter for us, anyway.”

“Yeah,” she said, “you’re right. If I went around freaking out about what anypony else was doing and how to do it just like them, I wouldn’t have done half the awesome stuff I’ve done. Thinking like that is stupid.” Rainbow relaxed her shoulders, still looking out of the window. “… I guess I just never had any plans for getting married.”

Twilight fidgeted. “Well, I guess if it’s not something that—”

“I don’t mean I’ve never wanted to get married, like, I never had plans for getting a girlfriend, either. I just mean that ever since I was a filly, I’ve always been working to get one thing.”

Twilight felt a smile cross her face and she nodded. “I understand.”

“That’s always been the plan, but, like, you can’t eat hopes and dreams, so I’ve been happy going with the flow on everything else. Got a cool job, got some awesome friends, and, uh … got you.” Twilight felt Rainbow’s hoof close over her’s and hold tight. “… I really like this, Twi. I really like you. If I was making the plan now, you’d be in it, y’know?”

Twilight grinned and pressed back into Rainbow’s shoulder. “I do know.”

“I guess I just figured all that other junk could just wait until after I was a Wonderbolt.” Rainbow’s voice turned small, quiet. “I’m sorry.”

Twilight shook her head and let out a long breath through her snout. “Believe it or not, Rainbow, I understand exactly how you’re feeling.” She straightened and looked Rainbow in the eyes. “It wasn’t the same sort of plan for me, it doesn’t have a set goal in mind. Really, I don’t know what I’ve been working towards at all, I just know that I’ve been working towards it since I was ten years old. There’s always been a path laid out in front of me to follow, and I’ve always felt compelled to follow it. I know exactly what it’s like.” She smiled softly. “I’ve just sometimes had trouble going with the flow on everything else.”

Rainbow returned the smile.

Twilight turned to look back out the window, still holding onto Rainbow’s hoof. “In some ways I’m also very different. I spend so much time making plans day to day, and I try to follow those plans down to the minute. That’s probably why I have trouble letting things just happen and being okay with it. And … I guess if I’m so busy making sure today goes exactly how I planned it, it’s easy for me to not think about what next year is supposed to look like.” She slipped a lock of her mane back behind her ear with a hoof. “I didn’t need to schedule in a wedding for next week, so I didn’t even think about it.”

Rainbow sighed. “We’re a couple of screw-ups, huh?”

Frowning in thought, Twilight shrugged. “I don’t know about that. We’re just … busy.” She chuckled and shook her head, then looked back at Rainbow. “And not just with the day to day stuff. We have hopes and dreams we’re reaching for, and I am so glad that’s true. I see that fire in your eyes. It’s a big part of what makes you who you are, and it’s one of the reasons I love you. I wouldn’t want it to go out.”

“Oh, barf.”

She giggled again, pulled her hoof free, and slapped Rainbow’s shoulder. Rainbow rubbed the spot and laughed with her. “Really, though, I mean it, if thinking about marriage meant you giving up on your dream, I’d never want it.” She held Rainbow’s hoof again.

A long silence stretched out. “… Did you really mean it?”

Twilight raised her eyebrow. “Which part?”

“The L word. You said, you, uh …” She cleared her throat.

Twilight felt heat rise to her face and she locked her eyes forward on the window. “Oh. Um …” She tried to take her hoof back, but Rainbow’s grip held firm. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “… I did. Mean it, I mean. I love you.”

“… I love you, too, Twi.”

She turned her gaze away from the window and met Rainbow’s with a soft smile. Rainbow returned it with her cheeks colored before looking away again. Twilight rested her head against Rainbow’s shoulder.

Rainbow ruffled her mane and took a long breath. “I guess after Basil made me think about getting married, it would’ve been smart if I spent the last two days actually thinking about it, instead of running around like my tail’s on fire, huh?”

Twilight giggled and pressed into Rainbow’s side. “I’d be more judgy if I wasn’t doing the same thing.” She straightened again and forced down the jumble of emotions in her stomach as she tried to put her head in order. “Want to just … talk about it? I know it’s all supposed to be a big secret surprise question ponies ask each other, but I still don’t really care what anypony else does.”

Squirming a little Rainbow muttered something noncommittal, before wincing and raising her voice. “I guess so?”

“It’ll be a no pressure conversation, okay? We’re just figuring stuff out. Whatever answers you have, or I have, I’m sure we can deal with them without anypony exploding. We did just say we love each other.” Rainbow cracked a smile. “So since Equestria isn’t going to end, we can just relax and be honest with each other. Deal?”

“Deal.” Rainbow scooted away on the bed and turned to face Twilight, trying to look calm but Twilight could see the nervousness boiling under the surface. “So, uh … you first?”

Twilight laughed and shook her head. “Okay, I’ll go first.” She clenched her jaw and breathed in deep, held it for a moment, and let it out slowly. “Okay … If you really had been planning to ask me to marry you, I think I would have said yes.”

Rainbow’s brows shot up and her mouth fell open.

She coughed and cleared her throat. “I mean, I don’t know that I’m ready to get married, but if that’s what you had wanted, I don’t think any of my issues would have been strong enough to change my answer.” She waited for Rainbow to pick her jaw up off the floor before continuing. “I can also say that I’m kind of relieved that you didn’t ask. It’s not that I would have said yes just to not lose you or something, it just feels like the wrong time to get married. I’d be happier with things if I was officially graduated and had a better idea of where my life is going. Right now, I feel like I’m still in a period of transition and I don’t really know what’s going to happen or what I’m going to be doing in the future. It feels like planning to get married before I have all of that figured out is a bad idea. Maybe that’s just the part of me that has trouble going with the flow that’s talking, though.”

Rainbow nodded vaguely, looking shocked and a little dizzy. “… Wow.” She cleared her throat and gave Twilight a wry smile. “Damn, part of me feels like I should’ve asked now.” She and Twilight shared a chuckle. “No, but for real, if you asked me, we both know I’d probably have screamed and ran away.”

Twilight rolled her eyes with a smile. “Well, I didn’t, so you don’t have an excuse to hide under the bed. How do you feel about marriage? Do you even want to get married? I maybe made it sound like I’m expecting to, but … I don’t know. If you didn’t and just want something like we have right now until … whenever,” She waggled her hooves emphatically, “I wouldn’t be disappointed. We could always change our minds later. Or not. I like what we have now.”

Rainbow took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, me too. And, like … I dunno.” She shrugged. “I don’t wanna not get married, I guess? You’re right that now feels wrong, it feels like that for me, too. But … maybe eventually? When it makes more sense?”

Twilight smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” She widened her smile and touched Rainbow’s cheek with her hoof. “It seems pretty cut and dry to me. Neither of us are ready right now. Maybe that’ll change, and maybe that change will be soon, or maybe not. But right now, it’s how we’re both feeling. So, let’s forget about it for now. We can worry about it again later.”

Rainbow relaxed into her hoof, then scooted forward and pushed into her, hugging her around the middle. “That sounds awesome.”

Twilight grinned and hugged Rainbow back. “Good. I’m glad we got everything out in the open.” She kissed the top of Rainbow’s head. “I love you, Rainbow.”

“Love you, too. C’mon,” she straightened up and popped a kink in her neck. “We’ve had our asses kicked by today and yesterday. Let’s go to bed.”

“That sounds awesome.”

Rainbow slid up the bed and under the covers, and Twilight clicked off the light before following. She pressed into Rainbow’s embrace, feeling the same warmth and strength wrap her up and hold her close, smelling Rainbow’s mane and neck, and the lingering tension and stress drained out of her as she closed her eyes.

“Mmf,” Rainbow muttered. “This is nice. Maybe I should move in with you.”

Twilight’s eyes shot open.





Fluttershy walked into her living room with an envelope in her mouth. The curtains were pulled against the full moon, but the room danced in oranges and yellows from the fire roaring in the fireplace. She wiped a bead of sweat from her brow and walked into the stuffy heat next to the fireplace, before sitting on her couch and setting the envelope on her coffee table. She pulled the letter out and looked it over again.

Dear Miss Fluttershy,

I hope this missive finds you in prosperous health. I was reluctant to make a bother of myself to you, as I am aware I have not made the best impression of myself, but I was hopeful that I might ask your advice on an important matter. Upon my arrival home with our mutual acquaintance, Maury, I seem to have encountered difficulty overcoming our extant language barrier. My typewriter is still in good function, but Maury seems to be having difficulty operating it. He’s physically capable of depressing the mechanism and producing type upon the page, but the correspondence with which he provides me is not in any language or typesetting I recognize. We have tried a few times, but he appears to be getting restless, and I was hopeful if before he makes his departure that—

Fluttershy slipped the letter back into the envelope, smiled, and tossed it into the fire. She watched as the paper blackened and curled, shedding scraps of ash to fly up through the chimney. As the envelope writhed in the flames, she grabbed the clipping from a newspaper and added it on top of the fire. And then another. She piled clippings on top of each other, some of them dark yellow, edging into brown with age, feeding the fire until her coffee table was left bare.

When the last scrap of paper curled to black, she stood, grabbed a poker in her mouth, and stirred the logs in the fire. It crackled and guttered as she worked, and when she stepped back, every single speck of burnt paper has been broken up and mixed in with the ash under the logs, unassuming and undetectable. She slipped the poker back into its place on the wall, smiled, and walked upstairs to bed.