Lasers! Heists! Romance! It's all there in the fic one reader described as "Kinda like Ocean's Eleven, but worse."
Vinyl and Octavia love their job working for the organisation known as COBRA. It's fun, easy, and since nopony has investigated their past, they're pretty secure there.
Unfortunately, COBRA isn't doing so well. They're running out of money, and unless more is found soon, the organisation will shut down. Luckily, Serpent Superior, the head of COBRA, has a plan so crazy that it probably won't work. But hey, what have they got to lose?
“You are going to kiss me, and it will be the best kiss of your entire life up to this point,” said Octavia softly. She was sitting on a table, leaning forwards into Vinyl, their noses pressed into each other. There was a sort of weird passion about it – neither pony was being forceful, but nor were they being careful in their movements.
“Yes ma’am!” said Vinyl excitedly. Stopping the playful and teasing gestures she had been making with Octavia, she relinquished, rotating her head to reach that magnificent mouth of Octavia’s. Their lips touched, and a tiny shudder of pleasure went down Vinyl’s back. As always, Octavia’s lips were soft to the touch in all the right ways. She and Octavia had kissed enough times by now that they knew what the other liked and how to do it. They explored each other’s lips, touching and removing and then touching again, the pleasure from the physical act of kissing being nothing next to the pleasure of kissing the pony they each loved.
The motions were superficial; it was the act that made the two ponies happy. As they continued their private session, they each began trying different things, seeing what they could do to surprise and please the other. Vinyl stopped kissing Octavia’s mouth, and kissed all along her cheek up to her ear, which caused Octavia to let out a small squeak of shock and briefly twitch one of her legs. Octavia pulled Vinyl in closer, wrapping her strong arms around the unicorn and pulling her up to the table with her. Sitting on the edge as she was, and with Vinyl’s body there, Octavia didn’t have the space to sit up properly, and was forced to lie back on the table to accommodate Vinyl.
But that was exactly the way she had planned it.
Octavia’s breathing grew heavier as Vinyl once again started kissing away from her lips – but this time, the unicorn was moving down her body instead of up it. “Do you know what I’m thinking?” Vinyl murmured after a particularly lengthy kiss on Octavia’s throat.
“W-what?” Octavia gasped. She already knew what Vinyl was going to say, but she knew that talking to Vinyl would speed up the process, and hopefully end Vinyl’s teasing sooner rather than later.
“I was thinking,” began Vinyl, intentionally leaving a large pause, “that we should-”
“-discuss funding immediately,” said a new voice as the door to the room slammed open. Octavia bolted upright, holding Vinyl to make sure that she didn’t fall off the table, even as Vinyl herself snapped her head in the direction of the new pony.
“Oh, um, hello boss!” said Octavia friendlily. Vinyl waved a hoof vaguely at their boss, who as always, was wearing his COBRA uniform and mask.
“…What are you two doing in my office?” asked Serpent Superior. “You two are supposed to be in weapons training right now, along with the rest of the COBRA Troopers!” Behind him, peeking into the room, Octavia could see the other senior members of COBRA – Xamot and Tomax, the weird twin business ponies, and Destroyer, the weapons dealer who wore a metallic mask at all times.
Octavia giggled. “Well we were practicing firing our crossbow lasers like everypony else, but we have practiced it so often that, well, we decided to take a quick break in here.”
Vinyl nodded in agreement. “We figured that nopony would come looking in your personal private office which nopony is supposed to enter, so we wouldn’t be caught!” She frowned. “Wait, are we going to get into trouble for breaking into your personal private office which nopony is supposed to enter?”
Serpent Superior sighed slowly as he slipped inside the room, followed closely by the other senior COBRA members. Vinyl and Octavia had been sitting on several rectangular tables, placed by others to form a larger rectangle. Around each were several chairs, and the ponies soon were seated around the table.
Beneath his mask, Serpent Superior opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. Then he opened it again, having thought of something better to say. “If you two are going to slack off during weapons training, then at the very least please do it somewhere else,” he said. “We have very important business to discuss regarding COBRA and its financial situation.”
“Wait, financial situation?” asked Octavia.
“COBRA costs money to run?” added Vinyl. “I thought that what with all of the laser crossbows and uniforms and stuff that we just sort of…didn’t need to worry about money.”
Octavia put a hoof to her chin. “Although…now that I think about it, the flying airship we used on our first mission cannot have been cheap,” she mused. “Nor would the funding for renting this warehouse and hiring somepony to sew all of our uniforms.”
Vinyl nodded in agreement. “Now that you mention it, you remember that time we needed to shrink down that submarine and go into Serpent Superior’s bloodstream? I was talking to Xamot and Tomax when we got stuck in that patch of cholesterol, and-”
Destroyer cleared his throat loudly, interrupting Vinyl’s recollection. “Unfortunately,” he said, his Scoltish accent as strong as ever, “at some point in the past few weeks, a lot of my assets – with their total worth being several million bits -were destroyed by an unknown party.” Vinyl raised a hoof and began to open her mouth to explain what had happened, before thinking the better of it, and lowering the hoof.
“As COBRA largely makes money from Destroyer’s weapons,” said Tomax, “this has led to a large loss in funds, and –”
“-it is possible that COBRA may not be able to support itself financially anymore,” finished Xamot.
“Wait, a third party we acquire our weapons from is also responsible for our funding?” Octavia questioned, frowning. “How does that make sense?”
Xamot and Tomax smiled mysteriously. At one point in the past, it would have weirded Octavia and Vinyl out, but by now they were used to the twins intentionally acting strange to make other ponies think that they were creepier than they actually were. “Coincidentally, owing to the need to discuss financing and our profits, we brought –”
“- these charts, explaining Destroyer’s shell companies and stock-”
“Whoah, whoah, whoah, no need to get into all that, boys,” said Vinyl, levitating the graphs and complicated-looking pieces of paper back into the twins’ briefcase.
“Yes, how about we start this meeting at the beginning?” said Serpent Superior, simultaneously sliding a salver of biscuits and tea down the table. “We’re here to discuss COBRA’s financial situation, not sit around slacking off and talking about trivial pursuits.”
“Octavia and I are!” Vinyl said eagerly, raising a hoof. “Do we get to stay?”
Through the eye holes in his mask, everypony in the room could see Serpent Superior roll his eyes. “I suppose that the two of you are already here, and you, at the very least, Vinyl, seem eager to contribute. Octavia? What’s your opinion?” He wasn’t exactly keeping the contempt out of his voice as he spoke.
“Do we sell the weapons we acquire from Destroyer at a higher price than we buy them from him?” was Octavia’s answer. “Because that explains why we’re reliant on him, but then why wouldn’t he sell weapons to our buyers and keep all of the profits for himself?”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” muttered Serpent Superior. Standing up, he said, “Stallions!”
“And mares!” called out Vinyl.
“We are gathered here today to discuss the future of COBRA!” Serpent Superior continued, ignoring Vinyl Scratch. “We are a noble organisation with only the best of intentions, even if the average pony on the street wouldn’t know it! We seek the truth, and aim to demonstrate our power to those who would think that they know better!
“However! As you should all know, our funds are running dangerously low, and we need another source of income quickly! Who here will dare to stand up and allow COBRA to survive? Who here will continue to help this nation of ours? Stallions – and mares – the time for planning is now!” Vinyl immediately thrust a hoof into the air. “Yes, Vinyl?” asked Serpent Superior.
“Horror movie!” said Vinyl excitedly.
“What?”
“We make a horror movie!” Vinyl explained. “Ponies love horror movies, and we make one, and, and, and then they come and see it, and we make all of the bits at the box office!”
Destroyer silently rotated his chair to look at Serpent Superior. His metal mask may have hidden his facial expression, but his body language clearly spelled out the question he was asking. Serpent Superior gave what could have only been an apologetic shrug as Vinyl continued.
“-and I can do special effects and the soundtrack, and Octavia can do stunts, and we’ve got all of the COBRA Troopers for extras!” concluded Vinyl, grinning broadly. “You’re cool with being a stunt double, right, Octavia?” she asked her marefriend as an aside.
“Do you think that Destroyer buying stocks was what they meant when they said that they make money from him?” Octavia asked. “I suppose that somewhat gets them bits, but it doesn’t exactly work that way…”
“So, what do you think, Serpent Superior?” Vinyl asked their leader. “Better than your plan, or worse?”
“…Vinyl, what do you and Octavia think we do here again?” Serpent Superior questioned. “Something to do with…pest extermination, was it?”
Octavia rolled her eyes. “Please, Serpent Superior, we’re not that dumb,” she said.
“Anymore,” clarified Vinyl.
“It’s quite clear what this company does,” continued Octavia, “and whilst we were quite surprised to discover it, and did question how moral it was to keep working for you, we’re nevertheless happy to stay at COBRA for as long as you’ll have us!”
From what little could be seen of Serpent Superior’s face through his mask, he looked shocked, which slowly changed to pleased. “You mean…you two know? And agree that-”
“That making propaganda films in which we’re actors playing the bad guys is a good way to counteract terrorism?” finished Vinyl. “Of course!”
“I love all of the improv you let us do,” added Octavia warmly.
This time, it was Xamot and Tomax who turned to Serpent Superior, slowly. “Is there something you are not telling us?” Xamot asked.
Serpent Superior raised his front hooves slowly, in an apologetic gesture. “Look, Vinyl, Octavia, I’m not sure whether you realise this, but-”
“Oh, come on,” interrupted Octavia, “why else would we use such weak crossbows?” She picked one up from the ground and shot Vinyl in the head with it, point-blank range. “See?”
“The only harm done is to my already dwindling intellect!” said Vinyl happily.
Serpent Superior slammed a hoof into his face, sighing subtly as he did so. “Well…okay then, sure, if that’s what you think,” he said slowly. “I’ll put Vinyl’s plan of ‘make a horror movie’ onto the list,” he added, quickly scribbling something onto a piece of paper. “Does anypony else have an idea?”
“A pyramid scheme?” suggested Tomax.
Xamot nodded. “If we can find enough susceptible enough ponies, it could be quite lucrative.”
“I don’t understand,” Vinyl said. “How does building a pyramid make us money?”
Tomax and Xamot shook their heads in unison. It looked ridiculous. “I don’t think you understand –” began Tomax.
“- Vinyl Scratch,” continued Xamot. “A pyramid scheme involves –”
“- the recruitment of ponies to an organisation, telling them that- what?” asked Destroyer. Xamot and Tomax were glaring at him. “You guys are allowed to do the creepy twins-finishing-each-others’-sentences thing, but I can’t join in?”
“Essentially, a pyramid scheme involves getting ponies to make a payment upon joining your organisation, and telling them that they will make a proportion of money for each member they recruit,” explained Tomax, ignoring Destroyer. “Of course, they are also giving a proportion of their earnings to the ponies in the levels above them, thus giving the pony at the top of the pyramid a vast fortune for essentially doing nothing.”
“Wow!” said Octavia. “This sounds brilliant! So you’re telling me that all I need to do is get payments from ponies I recruit, give most of my earnings to you two, and I’ll make a profit? Sign me up!”
“But Octavia, we’d be recruiting –” began Serpent Superior.
“Don’t stop her, Serpent Superior!” interrupted Xamot. “If she starts working at the second tier of the scheme, we’re already making a profit!”
“Tell me, Octavia, what is your primary source of income?” asked Tomax.
“My weekly payments from COBRA, of course,” said Octavia.
“…Ah,” said Tomax. “I think I see the flaw in recruiting COBRA Troopers into the pyramid scheme.”
“Speaking of, when does the money start being used to build our pyramid?” asked Vinyl. “Because I was thinking, what if instead of making a pyramid, we construct a gigantic statue, with the head of a unicorn and the body of a –”
“Guys, guys, I think we’re getting off-topic here,” said Serpent Superior stridently. “I’ve written down pyramid scheme on the list of ideas…Destroyer? Any suggestions?”
The arms dealer shrugged. “We sell some weapons to the other side? To CHIELD?”
“What, and get the satisfaction of knowing that they are very mildly wounding us with our own weapons?” snorted Serpent Superior. “I’d rather have to terminate COBRA as an organisation.”
“Well then, let’s see you think of a better idea,” countered Destroyer. Serpent Superior was silent or a few moments. “…Well?” Destroyer asked. “Not even a counterargument?”
“I’m smirking below this hood,” explained Serpent Superior. He reached below the desk and pulled out a large envelope. Passing it to Xamot, who was to his left, he said, “All of you, take a look inside this. This is my plan.”
“Well then why didn’t you tell us your plan at the start of the meeting?” asked Vinyl. “You could have saved a whole lot of time!”
“…You speak out of line to your commander again and I’ll demote you back to a Meatshield,” said Serpent Superior bitterly. As he spoke, the envelope, which had passed to Tomax’s hooves, was then passed to Vinyl and Octavia, on the other side of the table.
Pulling out the envelope, the first thing Octavia saw was a photograph of a large building, with a sign identifying it as Or Die Trying. In addition to the sign, there were a whole lot of lights around the building, as well as several ponies dressed in expensive suits going in and out of the building.
“Do you know what this is?” asked Serpent Superior, seeing Octavia study it.
Octavia hesitated, checking to make sure before answering. “It’s…a photograph!”
“We win!” said Vinyl. “I like this game!” She pointed a hoof to a fan hanging from the ceiling. “Your turn, Serpent Superior. Do you know what that is?”
“…I was asking whether you knew what the first photograph was of,” said Serpent Superior bluntly.
“Oh!” exclaimed Octavia. “It looks like a swimming pool to me!”
“Really?” asked Vinyl, frowning. “I thought that it looked more like a bowling alley, myself.”
“It is a casino,” said Tomax irritably.
“Oh, I get it!” said Octavia. “We go to the casino, get lucky at the slot machines, and we finance COBRA with that!”
“Think…a little bigger,” said Serpent Superior.
“We get jobs at the casino because they’re hiring, and finance COBRA through that?” Octavia asked, frowning. “I think I see a flaw with this plan.”
Vinyl patted her marefriend on the shoulder. “No, Octavia – he’s saying that we start counting cards to get the money.” She nodded at Serpent Superior approvingly. “It’s a good thing that you asked Octavia and I to join in on this – I learned all about counting cards back when I worked at a casino.”
“You used to work at a casino?” asked Octavia, surprised.
“Yeah!” said Vinyl. “I always had to clean up after the gamblers finished playing Fifty-Two Pickup, so I learned how to count cards doing that. Because, y’know, if we didn’t pick up all fifty-two we’d get told off.”
Octavia frowned. “Are you sure that it was a casino you were working at?” Vinyl shrugged in response.
“You two are both wrong,” said Serpent Superior. “Also idiots. Now, have a look at the next photograph in the envelope.”
Octavia pulled it out. It showed a young male unicorn with a blue mane and white coat. The photo was of him talking to some other ponies in tuxedos, but it was a bit small and blurry – evidently, the photo had been taken from a distance.
“That is Royale,” explained Serpent Superior. “He is the pony who owns the casino, in addition to several large corporations, each of which earn him millions of bits per month. He’s young, successful, and intelligent. He bought the casino - which, as I’m sure you guessed from the photo, is named Or Die Trying – several months back so as to further his empire.
“Between Royale’s business-savvy skills and a good public relations campaign, Or Die Trying has experienced an excellent upswing in visitors in the past few months. It is currently the most popular casino in Manehattan, and as such, it is estimated that its vault contains over one hundred and sixty million bits.
“To you, my elite COBRA associates – and Vinyl and Octavia – I make the following proposition,” continued Serpent Superior. “I propose that we work together to rob the casino, and Royale by extension. We steal the money from the casino, and use it to further fuel COBRA’s activities!” There were a few moments of silence, with all ponies nodding in agreement and looking impressed. Then, the silence was broken:
“In the plot of the next propaganda film, right?” Octavia asked. “Like a heist movie?”
“…Sure, let’s go with that,” agreed Serpent Superior.
“Vinyl, what is that you are doing?” sighed Octavia. It was a warm Manehattan evening, and she had been about to enter the front door of Or Die Trying before noticing her marefriend learning against the door, fiddling with something in her hooves.
“Hmm? Oh, nothing,” said Vinyl idly, briefly looking up at Octavia before resuming her work. Unlike Octavia, who was wearing a sleek red dress to blend in at the casino, Vinyl was wearing naught but a loosened tie. Although the unicorn would have argued that it made her look sophisticated, if anything it made her look as though her day job stressed her out.
“If this is some sort of silly idea that jeopardises the mission –”
“Hay, this is important!” protested Vinyl. “It’s my job! And besides, I’m nearly done.”
“Please just tell me what you’re doing so that we can put this nonsense behind us and start the mission,” Octavia pleaded.
Rolling her eyes, Vinyl decided to comply. “Check it!” she said enthusiastically, raising the item she had been fiddling with. “Looks pretty good, eh?”
Octavia squinted at the item, wondering where she’d seen it for a few moments, before realising what it was. Not that it helped her to discover what Vinyl had been doing, or what its relevance was. “Vinyl, you know I love you very dearly and that I would rather summon Azathoth, the most insane and powerful of the Elder Gods, into my own stomach than doubt and question you, but nevertheless… why do you have a scope from one of our crossbows? What are you doing with it?”
“It’s simple!” Vinyl had had her trademark purple glasses resting above her horn as she had been fiddling with the scope, but as she spoke she flipped them down so that they covered her eyes. “Serpent Superior said that I’ll probably be the hacker for this one, right?”
Octavia grimaced, not seeing where this was going but immediately knowing that it couldn’t be anywhere good. “Yeeesss…?”
“So I was jointing it!” Vinyl said, as though that explained everything.
“Is that even a word?”
“Because if I, like, make it so that I can sharpen the scope, I can use it as an emergency weapon if my other hacking tools are taken down!” Vinyl continued. “Hence – jointing it, so that I can sharpen it next!”
“…I think that you’ve mistaken the meaning of the word ‘hacker’, but I’m beyond arguing at this point,” said Octavia. “Let’s get inside the casino and get this scene over with.”
“Cool!” said Vinyl, tucking away the scope somewhere and entering the casino with Octavia. “What are we doing in this scene?”
“You mean you didn’t read the script?” Octavia asked, frowning slightly.
“…No?” Vinyl said hesitantly.
“Oh good, neither did I,” said Octavia. “Serpent Superior said that he’d lost the scripts – again – but told me that for this scene, we need to find a way down to the basement, where the guards and staff are. Apparently, in this scene we’re scoping out the casino’s systems and finding out what’s down there.”
“Alrighty, let’s get cracking then!” said Vinyl. She and Octavia casually made their way around the casino, looking for stairs or some other means of heading down a level. Serpent Superior had explained to the duo that he had managed to acquire floor plans of the casino from when it was built, years ago, but that they needed to check to see where guards were and whether there had been any modifications to the structure since then.
As could be expected of the current most popular casino in Manehattan, it was very upper-class. The floors were all covered by a soft blue carpet, and every twenty metres or so there were guards, silently observing the world through their sunglasses. Tonight didn’t seem particularly busy for gamblers, but as Vinyl and Octavia walked past games of baccarat, poker, blackjack, roulette, and many more, they nevertheless saw plenty of ponies engaged in the games.
“You see anything yet?” Octavia asked Vinyl quietly as the two pretended to watch an older mare play a few rounds on a slot machine.
Vinyl shook her head. “No. It looks like the floor plans are still accurate – whilst there are several staircases leading up to the bar and restaurant floor, the only way into the basement is via that elevator in the corner.” Vinyl nodded towards a guard, standing as vigilant as his job demanded.
“Agreed,” muttered Octavia, moving in closer to Vinyl to mask her words further from any eavesdroppers – not that she would have objected to moving closer in to Vinyl either way. “Any ideas on how to get past the guard?”
“Plenty,” said Vinyl, grinning, “most of them devious. But first of all, how about we play at least one game? It might look suspicious if we don’t try at least one, y’know?”
“Certainly,” agreed Octavia, “although that being said, who do we have to fear getting suspicious? I assume that all of the guards here are other actors, and the other gamblers extras.”
Vinyl shrugged. “I know, but Serpent Superior always says to act as though we’re not actors in a film. I figure we go along with it and it means we get bigger paychecks.”
Octavia thought over Vinyl’s justification for a moment, then nodded. “Agreed,” she said. “Now, what casino game would you like to play?”
Vinyl looked over the room for a moment before something caught her eye. “Follow me,” she said. The two mares crossed the floor and walked over to a table.
“What game is this?” asked Octavia. There were two other ponies sitting at the table, but there were no cards or other items on the table, aside from each ponies’ individual piles of chips. There was a dealer, but he didn’t appear to be doing anything.
“What, you’ve never heard of roulette before?” Vinyl asked Octavia. She had purchased some chips upon entering the casino, and placed a few forwards onto the table.
“Stallions and mares, with the minimum number of ponies acquired, we are ready to begin,” said the dealer.
“Yes, but doesn’t roulette generally require…roulette?” Octavia asked, slightly confused. “And a ball? And, and numbers?” As she spoke, the dealer reached under the table for something.
“Normal roulette does, yes,” said Vinyl, “but we’re playing with the special expansion pack–” At this, the dealer found what he was looking for below the table: a crossbow “- Russian Edition!”
“Y-you’re playing Russian Roulette?” Octavia asked nervously. She looked at the crossbow as the dealer placed it upon the table. Whilst it looked similar to the ones she and Vinyl used as COBRA Agents, in that pressing the trigger would presumably fire a laser, there was some sort of modification on the barrel – a small cylinder.
“Should be fun, yes?” asked Vinyl. “I hear that playing it’s to die for, and that there’s only a one-in-six chance of the laser firing.” As she spoke, the first pony at the table picked up the crossbow and spun the cylinder upon the barrel, which clicked as it rotated. Once it had stopped, he levitated it with his telekinesis, and aimed it at his forehead “Or wait, was that a one-in-six chance of the laser not firing?” Vinyl wondered aloud.
There was a small clicking noise. The stallion had squeezed the trigger telekinetically, but nothing had happened. He dropped the crossbow to the table, and politely slid it to the next pony on the table.
“So, any particular reason why I shouldn’t heroically tackle you to the ground and prevent you from playing this ridiculous game?” asked Octavia as the next player spun the cylinder upon the crossbow.
“Are you kidding?” Vinyl exclaimed. “The odds for this game are fifty thousand-to-one!” The current player was a pegasus, and as she was unable to fire the crossbow at herself, the dealer levitated it for her and aimed it at her head. “All I need to do is keep going until I’m the only player still in the game, and then we get more bits than we would ever need! We can, I dunno, donate them to charity or something.”
“And if you lose?” asked Octavia as the crossbow once again merely made a small clicking noise before being passed along – this time, to Vinyl.
“I dunno,” said Vinyl, spinning the cylinder, “I never really thought of the consequences of it.” She levitated the crossbow up to her face and, after hesitating for a few seconds, pulled the trigger.
PZZT!!
“Vinyl? Vinyl?!” Octavia shouted. Around the casino, a few ponies were looking over at the source of the noise, wondering what had just happened. The crossbow had, of course, fired a laser, which had hit Vinyl directly in the temple, infusing her skull with a plethora of high frequency photons.
“…Huh. Guess Or Die Trying buy their crossbows from the same place that COBRA do,” said Vinyl. There was a slight waft of smoke drifting from her face, but otherwise she looked completely unharmed.
“I should be less surprised by this, shouldn’t I?” said Octavia. Whilst her heart was still beating swiftly from her panic, she was already calming down as the logic of the situation kicked in: why would a casino switch from murdering its guests’ wallets to murdering the guests themselves? Most ponies who had initially looked over to the table were already over the experience, returning to play their games of chance.
“Madame loses first game, although she if she wishes to play again, she may wait for the next game,” said the dealer, raking Vinyl’s betted chips over to his side. The crossbow had already been passed back to the first player for their second round.
“Oh, come on!” exclaimed Vinyl. “You mean to say after all that, I lost-” she squinted at the chips that had just been removed “- two bits?! What a rip-off!”
Octavia sighed and began dragging Vinyl from the table. “Shall we get back to our actual mission now that you’ve had your fun?” she asked.
“Definitely,” said Vinyl, suddenly serious, “we’ll go see what we can do about getting into that elevator now.”
Octavia nodded in approval. “Sounds like a plan. And don’t call me Definitely.”
The two ponies approached the elevator. It was off to the side of the casino, and definitely wasn’t intended to draw any more than a few seconds of attention from the gamblers. As such, the guard standing in front of it immediately noticed Vinyl and Octavia, following their movements until they stood right before him. “Can I help you?” he asked.
“I’ll handle this, Octavia,” said Vinyl to her partner. To the guard, she said, “Hi there! What can you tell me about elevators?”
“They’re…used to traverse floors of a building quickly and with little muscle-work required by the ponies who use them,” he said after a moment of hesitation. “May I ask whom you two are?”
“Tell me more about muscle-work,” said Vinyl, ignoring the guard. To her side, Octavia cringed.
“It’s energy expended by the body in order for a pony to use their muscles,” said the guard. “Now, as I was asking-”
“I’m done asking about elevators,” said Vinyl. “What can you tell me about buildings?”
“I’m going to ask you this one more time, then we’re done,” said the guard. “Who are you two, and what do you want?”
Vinyl looked to Octavia, who shrugged and gave a look which clearly said You said you’d handle this. “We’re…elevator inspectors? And we need to inspect this elevator.”
The guard snorted. “Somehow I doubt that. Please step away from the elevator and return to your evening,” he said. “This elevator is off-limits to guests, and I’m here to make sure that it stays that way.”
To Octavia’s surprise, Vinyl nodded politely, and then stepped away from the elevator. Octavia found herself following the unicorn, unsure what they would do now. “Well, that didn’t work,” muttered Octavia bitterly. “What do you think we should-”
“Hi there! What can you tell me about elevators?”
Octavia spun around. Incredulously, Vinyl had returned to the elevator guard, who was already sighing in frustration.
“I told you already, and I- look, can you please just return to your evening?” the guard said. “There are some games here which I’m sure you and your companion will enjoy playing, and I can guarantee that you’ll have more fun doing that than attempting to explore the casino.”
“B-but – I-” Vinyl stammered.
“Please. Leave of your own will, or I will force you to leave.” The guard put a hoof on the crossbow at his side, his meaning transparent.
Dejected, Vinyl walked away from the guard and back to Octavia without even a word of protest. The two mares walked away from the elevator, Octavia making sure to keep an eye on Vinyl to ensure that she didn’t head back for a third attempt.
“What exactly was all that about?” asked Octavia once they were out of earshot of the guard.
“I-I don’t get it, Octavia,” said Vinyl. “I left conversation with him, but when I went back and talked to him again, he’d remembered what I’d said before! What’s up with that?”
Octavia sighed. “Remind me why I’m dating you, again?”
“Stockholm syndrome?”
“Sounds about right.”
===============================
Half an hour had passed since Vinyl’s attempt to bluff the elevator guard, but the ever-resourceful mare had already worked out a new infiltration plan. Realising that there was an additional floor for guests above the gaming floor – the restaurant and bar floor, which Octavia had mentioned earlier – Vinyl had headed up there to the area above the elevator, and now she – well…
“What do we do if the elevator moves?” Octavia asked Vinyl in a hushed voice. “Or worse, somepony discovers us here? We can’t bluff our way out of this one using your hilarious yet insane logic.”
“Please, Octavia, you’re overthinking things,” said Vinyl. “When was the last time you were travelling in an elevator and opened the ceiling panel to check for thieves brilliantly infiltrating from above?” She had been going down the cable she was holding hoof-by-hoof, but as she talked, she relaxed her grip somewhat, and shimmied down to the top of the elevator she had been descending to. “See?” Vinyl said. “Nopony noticed a thing!”
Octavia had still been descending slowly, but gaining a bit more of confidence from Vinyl’s actions, she released her grip and allowed her body to simply drop to the elevator. There was a loud THUD noise as she landed, which had Octavia tensing for a few moments before realising that she was safe.
“There we go! Just as I said, Operation: Enter the Elevator From A Floor Above By Breaking Down A Wall And Hoping Nopony Notices was a success!” Vinyl declared, telekinetically lifting a removable panel from the elevator. “We now have a way into the elevator, which is currently placed at the basement level of the casino, and from there, access to the basement of the casino.”
“I must say, Vinyl, in spite of your somewhat…unique….worldview at times, you are quite the intelligent mare at times,” said Octavia, leaping down into the elevator. “It’s almost enough to balance out your more outlandish moments.”
“Aargh!” shouted Vinyl. “Talking giant horse!”
Octavia rolled her eyes. “Vinyl, I know you’re –”
“-hot for you?” finished Vinyl, dropping down from the ceiling. She hung onto the edge with her back legs, so that she was dangling upside-down before Octavia, and kissed the grey mare. A moment later, she allowed the rest of her body to drop down into the elevator. “Damn straight.”
Octavia blushed slightly, before reciprocating Vinyl’s needs by kissing the unicorn on the cheek. “What do we do now?” she asked, gesturing towards the elevator doors.
“Well, there’s only two ways to find out what’s behind these doors,” said Vinyl, grinning and raising her eyebrows.
“…How about we settle for the option that doesn’t end in us breaking the timestream with your time travel spell?” asked Octavia.
“Bah!” said Vinyl, hitting the button labelled B1 with a hoof. “You never let me have any fun.” The doors silently opened.
Cautiously looking out the elevator, Octavia saw a nondescript concrete corridor, lit by luminescent crystals every few metres. There were no guards that she could see, although there could be any amount of them behind the myriad number of doors along the corridor. Both ends of the corridor ended in a corner, continuing the underground path.
“Well?” asked Vinyl.
“Nothing out there,” said Octavia. She slowly moved out of the elevator and pressed herself against a wall. “Still, this is a sneaking mission, so remember that we have to use stealth at all times.”
Vinyl smirked. “Tactical espionage actions, eh?”
“I was thinking more operations myself, but otherwise, yes,” confirmed Octavia. She shuffled along the wall. “Now, let’s see what’s in this first room.”
Vinyl nonchalantly opened the door with her telekinesis, not even attempting to be stealthy. “It – it looks like a break room or something,” she said. “There’s a few tables and chairs, a fridge, some tea; stuff like that.”
Octavia nodded. “Sure. Next door.” The grey Earth pony shuffled along the wall, with Vinyl walking causally next to her. “This looks like… a changing room?” Vinyl suggested. “What with all of the lockers and stuff. Hay, would it be immoral to steal from the employees of the –”
“Quiet!” said Octavia.
Vinyl frowned. “Was that another reference, or-?”
In response, Octavia grabbed the mare and pulled her into the room, closing the door immediately behind them. She put her ear to the door, listening intently for whatever it was that was out in the corridor.
“Um…are you okay, Octav-?”
“Quiet!” repeated Octavia, holding a hoof up. Vinyl complied, confused as she was as to what was happening, before a voice drifted through the door.
“…thank you once more for the security codes,” came a voice. If Vinyl had to describe it, she would say that it sounded as though Octavius, Octavia’s male alternate universe counterpart, was putting on a different voice – like Vinyl’s marefriend’s dimensionally-displaced equivalent, this voice was refined and implied that the speaker came from an upper class background. And yet, at the same time, in spite of the similarities, there was something different about the voice – much more grounded, as though the speaker were used to speaking on equal terms with ponies of a lower status than himself.
Wow, that was a lot of analysis to make from a few words, thought Vinyl, right as the speaker continued.
“Although that being said, there is no reason to break from the usual security plan,” said the voice. “Plans are in place for a reason, and if you were to give me to plans whilst I was on the gaming floor in the future, as per usual, I would appreciate it. Breaking away from pre-set plans only results in security flaws for criminals and other ne’er-do-wells to exploit.”
“Of course, Royale,” said a new voice. Octavia breathed in sharply. “I- it won’t happen again.”
The refined voice chuckled. “No need to apologise, Sparkling Shield. Just a friendly piece of advice. After all, I donate all of the profits from this casino to charity, and I’d hate for those poor orphans to miss out on a month of food because somepony slipped through the gaps.” Neither Vinyl nor Octavia could see Royale through the door, but they both instinctively knew that his eyes were twinkling as he spoke that sentence. “Anyway, I’ll be heading upstairs for dinner now – I hope the rest of your shift is a good one.”
“Yes sir!” replied the second voice. “Thank you, and same to you! I-I mean, I hope the rest of your evening i-is-”
Sparkling Shield’s words were drowned out by another one of Royale’s chuckles, which in turn were soon replaced by the sound of hooves trotting away. It was less than a minute before Vinyl and Octavia heard the ding! of the elevator opening, taking Royale away from the basement.
”Well, that Royale certainly seems like a character,” said Octavia, after checking to make sure that the coast was clear.
“I know, right?” said Vinyl. “Telling that guard to have a good shift, and donating to charity, and, and…” Her voice trailed off. “Man, it sure is a good thing that we’re only in a film, or I’d feel really bad about robbing somepony like Royale. Who’s playing him in this one, anyway?”
“According to Serpent Superior, the stallion is playing himself,” Octavia replied. She opened the door a crack, looked out it, and then tactically espionage actioned herself out of the room and against a wall again, opposite the door she had just exited. “He sounds quite generous, being willing to not only donate to charity, but to also find the time to star in our films.”
Vinyl nodded. “What a nice pony,” she agreed. The two mares continued down the passage and to the corner, where looking down the next corridor, they could see a group of heavily armoured stallions standing before a large metal door. Thankfully, the distance between them was great enough that the guards wouldn’t be able to identify the two COBRA operatives as intruders.
“What do you think they’re guarding?” asked Octavia, pressing herself into the corner. “Do you think that’s the casino vault?”
“Hmm, lemme get a closer look,” muttered Vinyl, acquiring a pair of binoculars from Celestia-knows-where. Putting them to her eyes, she said, “Looks like there’s three – no, four – guards there in front of that door. They’re all armed with crossbows, and unlike our crappy things, theirs are loaded with bolts.”
Octavia grimaced, and then gestured for Vinyl to continue.
“Behind that door, which - aside from being big and heavy - doesn’t seem to be anything fancy, there’s a second door, locked and seemingly impenetra- no, wait, there’s some sort of control panel for it. I guess that’s what Royale received the code to earlier,” Vinyl described.
“Wait a minute – where did you get those binoculars?” Octavia asked, frowning.
“COBRA Trooper standard equipment,” said Vinyl absentmindedly, twiddling a dial on it slightly as she spoke. “Am I the only pony who uses it? Anyway, beyond the second door is another room, this one with a laser grid covering everything – presumably to raise an alarm or scorch the unlucky pony who walks into it.” Vinyl paused for a moment. “Huh. And it looks like the laser grid randomly rearranges its positioning every…five seconds or so.”
“What’s past the laser grid?” Octavia asked, fully enthralled in Vinyl’s description by now.
“Looks like we’re in luck – on the other side of the laser grid is what I’m guessing is the door to the casino’s vault,” said Vinyl.
“Give me those; I want a look,” said Octavia, snatching Vinyl’s binoculars without asking. “Let’s see what this vault door looks – hey!” she protested. “Why are there two pictures of me stuck to the inside of the binoculars’ lenses? Where did you even get these?”
“So I can have a good look at you whenever I want, baby,” said Vinyl, not missing a beat. “And you let me take those photos, remember? For, uh, ‘recreational use’?”
“…Fair enough,” said Octavia. She shook the binoculars slightly, and tried fiddling with the dial as Vinyl had. “I don’t suppose you weren’t making all of those things up just now? Do these have an actual setting to see through walls and whatnot?”
“Hmm? Oh, that,” said Vinyl. “Nah, I was just going with the sorta cool measures that a heist movie should have, y’know? I figure Serpent Superior can write them into the script, and we’ve already got this scene filmed – somehow – so hey presto! Less filming to be done!”
“You are adorable, you know that, right?” asked Octavia, going up close to Vinyl and nuzzling her. In response, the unicorn blushed and giggled, somewhat uncharacteristically for her. Octavia passed Vinyl back her binoculars as she said, “Well, if Serpent Superior is willing to consider that a passable enough survey of the casino and is willing to write your defences into the script, it looks as though we’re done here.”
“Bitching!” exclaimed Vinyl enthusiastically. The two ponies began walking back to the elevator, ready to leave the basement, and shortly afterwards, the casino itself.
“So let’s see,” began Octavia, “in order to break into the vault, COBRA will need somepony physically strong and skilled at martial arts to defeat the guards, somepony suave enough to manipulate Royale into giving them the codes to the second door, and somepony with great enough magical proficiency to shut down the laser system.”
“I think I know the ponies already,” said Vinyl, grinning mischievously. “Serpent Superior, Tomax, and Xamot!” Seeing the look Octavia gave her, she frowned in confusion. “No?”
“I was thinking more along the lines of…ourselves,” said Octavia. “We may only be COBRA Troopers, but we’re both responsible and mature enough for a mission of this calibre-”
“BWAHAHAHAHA!”
“- and we have the skills necessary for at least two of those three tasks,” continued Octavia, rolling her eyes at Vinyl. “Although I suppose that Serpent Superior can do at least one of them, seeing as how he’s our boss.”
“Why would Serpent Superior place us on the mission?” Vinyl asked. “We’re both just two ordinary Troopers; faceless and indistinguishable from the rest of the crowd.”
“I don’t hear you complaining about that,” said Octavia.
“Nope!” agreed Vinyl. “The less time we’re being noticed by the boss, the more time I can spend with my binoculars!”
“You’re one of a kind, Vinyl,” said Octavia, smirking. “Anyway, to answer your question as to why we would be chosen for the mission – we’re both that rare mix of expendable and invincible that makes for a perfect employee.”
“Are you talking about us playing ourselves in-universe in the COBRA films, or ourselves as actors?” asked Vinyl. “It’s doing my head in keeping track of what is film-related and what isn’t at COBRA.”
Octavia nodded in agreement. “I swear, sometimes if it weren’t for the fact that we were literally recruited off the street, I would assume that COBRA really was the terrorist organisation they portray. Nopony ever seems to break character, and they – oh, look! We’ve arrived at the elevator.”
Vinyl frowned. “It seemed to take us a lot longer to get to the elevator from that corner than it took us to get to the corner from the elevator,” she observed, looking behind her as if to check whether the corridor had grown in length.
“It’s deceptively long,” said Octavia, shrugging. “Be a dear and push the call button, will you?” she asked.
“Pushing things is my third favourite verb to do to things!” said Vinyl, enthusiastically pressing the button. “Right after licking and –”
“Do I want to hear the rest of that sentence?” asked Octavia.
“Nope!” said Vinyl, stepping into the elevator as it arrived. “Not that you couldn’t guess it, mind.”
“Heh. I love you, Vinyl,” said Octavia. She knelt down and allowed Vinyl to climb onto her back to reach the previously-removed elevator panel, which had apparently gone unnoticed by Royale when he went upwards in the elevator.
“So, what do we do now that we’ve scoped out the place?” Vinyl asked as she reached down to help pull Octavia up into the elevator shaft.
“Now, Vinyl?” asked Octavia. “Now...now we rob this joint.”
“Awesome!” said Vinyl. She stared at Octavia for a few moments. “I didn’t bring my crossbow,” she added bluntly.
“I love your literal-mindedness at times, Vinyl,” said Octavia, reaching out her front two hooves to the elevator cable and beginning to climb up the elevator shaft, “but you really do need to tone it down at times. How about…we go tell Serpent Superior what we’ve discovered, and then we’ll try and get this robbery shoot done within the next week?” Octavia suggested.
“Sounds good to me!” said Vinyl, who by now had begun following Octavia up the elevator shaft, albeit slightly slower than the other mare. “But what if there’s a schedule slip?”
Octavia shrugged, an impressive feat given where she was and what she was doing. “Then it’s just business as usual, I suppose.”
Chapter Three: Robbing a Casino and Casinos Being Robbed
For the second time in a week, Octavia walked up the steps towards Or Die Trying. Unlike last time, she was entering on her own, and so without the reassurances of a companion to distract her, she felt a bit more nervous. What if the guards found out that she was with COBRA? What if they recognised her from the other night and found her appearance suspicious? What if they kept surveillance on her once she was inside the casino?
Fortunately, as Octavia entered Or Die Trying, nothing happened. Nopony called out to frisk search her or ask for ID. Nopony halted her in her tracks and asked her to come with them to the guard station, or kicked her out. No, Octavia’s entry into Or Die Trying was as smooth as could be, and within moments she was in the familiar, carpeted game room. What did she have to do next? Octavia thought back to the COBRA meeting of several days ago.
===============================
“So…if those are the defences in place, we’ll need somepony with muscle, somepony who can hack into the security system, and somepony who can acquire the door codes from Royale,” said Serpent Superior. “Overall, this will be a difficult task, but nevertheless I expect you all to follow my orders blindly.”
“Is there any other way to follow orders?” asked Vinyl cheerfully.
“Vinyl? Octavia?” Serpent Superior said.
“Yes sir?” asked Octavia, Vinyl listening intently to their leader beside her.
“How do you two feel about being the getaway drivers?” Serpent Superior asked, looking at a clipboard he had on the table. Without waiting for a reply, he turned to Tomax and Xamot. “How do you two feel about being the hacker and muscle, respectively?”
“Err-” began Tomax.
“This, of course, leaves you, Destroyer, with the role of the pickpocket,” said Serpent Superior to the weapons manufacturer. “Or con pony, whichever you feel suits you better in getting those security codes. I, of course, will be the explosives expert.” He cast his gaze over the room full of stunned and disgruntled looking ponies. “Any questions?” Every hoof in the room went up. “Yes, Xamot?”
“Why am I the muscle?” asked Xamot.
“Wait, wasn’t I the muscle?” said Tomax. “You’re the hacker.”
“Whatever. Why am I the muscle?” repeated Xamot. “You know that my brother and I are more suited to planning, espionage…more the behind-the-scenes aspects of a crime or terrorism act than the engaging parts of it.” Tomax nodded in agreement.
“Hmm…that is certainly true,” agreed Serpent Superior. “Well then in that case, Octavia can be the muscle and Xamot can be one of the getaway drivers, alongside Vinyl. Now, if-”
“Vinyl and Xamot?!” Vinyl exclaimed. “That’s a terrible name for a fictional series!” Everypony looked at her, some with more confusion than others. “Oh, and also I want to be the hacker, I guess.” Serpent Superior silently spun his skull towards Tomax, awaiting his opinion.
“Sure, I guess,” said Tomax, shrugging, “Vinyl can be the hacker instead of me. It’s not like I have a psychic connection with my brother that makes me look forwards to whenever I’m able to spend a bit of time away from him.”
“Excellent,” said Serpent Superior, missing the venom in Tomax’s voice. “Now, between the security measures Vinyl and Octavia identified and our team, we should be able to – what is it now, Destroyer?”
“I was hoping for a bit more of an…active role,” said the weapons dealer. “I’m more used to the feel of a weapon between my hooves, not this…misdirection and – and treachery you wish me to commit.”
Serpent Superior sighed slowly. “Are you telling me that you want to be the pony in charge of the explosives?”
“If he doesn’t, can I be?” asked Vinyl, waving a hoof in the air. “I love explosives!”
“For the sake of Equestria, please, please, please don’t indulge her in this,” Octavia said seriously.
“Right, sure, Destroyer. You can be the explosives expert,” said Serpent Superior, ignoring the two mares in the room. “And now, if everypony will excuse me for a moment…”
Without word, the masked commander pulled a small cigarette lighter from his pockets, and after a moment or two of waiting for it to catch alight, set fire to his clipboard and the set of papers upon it. The group watched silently for a few moments.
“Um, sir-” attempted Octavia, curious.
“Sssshhhh,” said Serpent Superior. “I’m watching my work of the past five days go up in flames. Don’t disturb me.”
Octavia opened her mouth to say something else, but faltered. What was the point? She turned to Vinyl, wondering what her take on all of this was.
“How did he light the lighter?” Vinyl asked, staring intently at the burning clipboard. “He has hooves!”
===============================
Shaking her head slightly in an attempt to refocus, Octavia snapped back to the present. This wasn’t the time for reminiscing; it was the time for acting and filming! Serpent Superior told me to meet him on the gaming floor, recalled Octavia, but where is he? How am I supposed to recognise him without that mask he wears all of the time?
Idly wandering amongst the various games and ponies in the casino, Octavia kept an eye out for her boss, hoping to recognise some mannerism of his in the ponies around her. He obviously wouldn’t be wearing his COBRA uniform – Octavia was currently dressed in a fancy dress as she had the other night, and imagined that Serpent Superior would also be wearing formal clothes. Octavia hoped that even if she couldn’t find Serpent Superior in the crowd, he would recognise her and they could continue the mission.
“Octavia!” a nasally voice called out from somewhere behind Octavia. The grey mare spun around, finding herself face-to-face with a pony with a brown coat and a white mane.
“Commander!” Octavia said, pleased that one of them had been able to find the other. “Are we ready to go? Is Destroyer in position?”
The pony gave her an odd look. “Who?”
“Destroyer! You know, our – oh, um, never mind,” said Octavia, realising her mistake. “If I may enquire, who are you?” Even as she asked the question, she had a vague notion in the back of her head that he looked familiar, but she couldn’t place him.
“Frederick Horseshoepin,” said the stallion. “We used to play in an ensemble occasionally, remember?”
Octavia literally smacked herself on the forehead with a hoof. “Of course! How could I forget?” she asked. “My apologies, Frederick, it has been a while, and to be honest, I recall your voice sounding slightly different to how I remember.”
“I currently have a cold,” explained Frederick. “Anyway, how are you doing? More to the point, what are you doing here? I thought you lived in Canterlot.”
“I was living there with my marefriend, but then…” Octavia’s voice trailed off as she thought. She had been forced to leave Canterlot after she and Vinyl had been framed for a crime, of course. Was Frederick aware of it? She and Vinyl were technically escaped prisoners, and whilst she’d like to think that he wouldn’t turn her in to the guards if he knew, it had been too long since she had seen him, and she wasn’t sure what his thoughts on the matter would be.
“But then?” prompted Frederick, a look of curiosity upon his face.
“But then…a series of contrived coincidences forced me to leave,” Octavia said, wincing internally. There was no way that that wasn’t going to prompt further questioning. She had a quick look around her. Where was Serpent Superior?
“Yes, I believe I read about these… ‘contrived coincidences’ in the paper,” said Frederick, chuckling slightly. Octavia froze, not sure what to say in response to that. She felt her pulse race, felt butterflies appear in her stomach. What was she supposed to respond to that?
“O-oh?” said Octavia. She stared at Frederick’s face intently, trying to decipher his intentions. What was he thinking? What was he planning? Still, if she thought that Frederick’s last line had been shocking, it was minor compared to the bombshell he dropped on her next:
“But I’m glad to hear that the charges were cleared,” Frederick said, commenting as casually as though the two ponies were discussing the weather.
“W-what?” Octavia asked quietly, her whole world crashing around her. In the background she could hear Frederick saying something about a follow-up investigation revealing that Octavia and Vinyl were innocent, and reading about it in the paper, but the mare wasn’t listening. All she could think about was what this revelation meant for her and Vinyl. Leaving Manehattan and COBRA. Returning to their nice Canterlot house. Playing music again! How long had it been since Octavia had played music; since she had been allowed to express herself in her medium of choice? If she could leave this silly set right now and go play in a concert, would she? Of course she would!
Realising that Frederick had been waiting for a reply from her, Octavia snapped herself out of her fantasy. “I-I’m sorry, Frederick, I was lost in my thoughts,” she said.
“Happens to the best of us,” commented the stallion, smiling.
Regaining her composure somewhat, Octavia said, “Anyway, we’ve talked about me for long enough…how are you doing? What are you doing here?”
“I’ve come to the casino for a night out with the boys,” said Frederick, as refined as ever. “I and a few of my friends are staying in Manehattan over the weekend for a concert, and we decided to-”
“Octavia!” A nasally voice called out to the Earth pony. Looking in the direction of the noise, Octavia saw a pony who she knew, for certain this time, was Serpent Superior, her boss.
“Terribly sorry to cut this short, but may I be excused?” Octavia asked Frederick politely. “As it is, I’m here for business, not pleasure, and I’d best get going if I don’t want my boss to be annoyed at me.”
For a moment Frederick looked a bit disappointed, but the expression disappeared as quickly as it appeared. “Of course, Octavia,” said Frederick. “We’ll see whether we can’t write to each other at some point in the future – I’m sure we’ll be able to play music together once more.”
“Agreed,” said Octavia. Waving goodbye to Frederick, she walked past several tables where card games were being played and to her commander, Serpent Superior. “H-hello,” she said to him.
“Glad to see you’re on schedule,” said Serpent Superior, “Royale should be coming to the gaming floor any minute now, and I – what is it?”
“Nothing,” said Octavia hastily, hoping that her expression hadn’t given away her thoughts.
“No, come on, tell me,” insisted Serpent Superior.
“Well, it’s just, I- why are you wearing your mask, even here?” asked Octavia. “It’s somewhat…conspicuous.”
“The true face of COBRA need not be shown until our penultimate moment in overthrowing Princess Celestia and Princess Luna!” screamed Serpent Superior, raising his front hooves into the air as though he was milking a giant, invisible cow. “I wear this mask not out of concealment, but to represent the hidden threat we represent, ready to strike at a moment’s notice with the speed of our namesake! For whilst the common pony may be suppressed by our rulers, we will not roll over and accept this punishment! Neigh, although we appear to be relinquishing our schemes and blindly accepting the rule of other ponies, we shall merely steel ourselves for what may come! For we are COBRA!”
As Serpent Superior finished his speech, it dawned on Octavia that everypony in the casino had gone silent to watch him. Now that he had finished, most looked confused – what was going on? Who was this pony, and what was COBRA?
“Ignore me!” shouted Serpent Superior to the masses of bewildered ponies, before slinking away into a corner, followed after a moment of hesitation by Octavia.
“So, what do you want me to do?” Octavia asked her leader. “You were somewhat vague about this part of the plan during the briefing.”
“Simply watch and listen,” said Serpent Superior. In spite of his conspicuous, shiny mask, he had made at least a small attempt to blend in with the regular casino goers, and was wearing a tuxedo. Rolling up a sleeve, he glanced at a watch on his leg. “Now, according to my calculations, Royale should be coming up to the casino floor to mingle with guests in exactly….thirty seconds ago.” Serpent Superior rolled his sleeve back down and looked upwards to the room full of games and guests. “Any sign of him?”
Octavia looked around for the pony she’d seen in Serpent Superior’s photo, back what felt like over a month ago. A white-coated unicorn with a blue mane…It took Octavia one or two passes of the casino before she spotted him- the dark tuxedo he was wearing made his white coat stand out less than it otherwise would have.
“There,” Octavia said, pointing a hoof.
“Excellent eyes, Octavia,” said Serpent Superior. He began walking towards the unicorn, attempting to look casual but utterly failing. “You’re absolutely sure that he’s been given the codes to the casino vault for tonight and that he keeps them on him?”
Octavia thought back to the conversation she and Vinyl had overheard back when they were in the casino’s basement. “Yes?” she weakly suggested.
“Perfect,” said Serpent Superior. “Stay here. I don’t think this should go badly, but if it does, be ready to jump in.”
“What are you-?” began Octavia, but it was too late – Serpent Superior had already strode up confidently to the casino owner. Watching from a distance, Octavia saw Serpent Superior trip –clumsily –and crash into Royale. Both ponies fell over, and after a few moments of what appeared to be profuse apologies from Serpent Superior, Octavia’s boss returned to her.
“Success!” he declared as the two ponies headed back towards the corner they had previously been in. “As always, one of my plans worked perfectly, and we can now continue the mission! With this-” the stallion held up a small piece of paper “- which I successfully pickpocketed, we can unlock the vault with the codes printed upon it, and continue the reign of COBRA!”
“Don’t you have to be ruling over something to have a reign?” Octavia pointed out.
“Silence, minion!” said Serpent Superior. “Read out the code upon the paper, that we may be sure of our progress before continuing!” He passed her the piece of paper.
“Umm, let’s see here...Milk…Bread…Eggs…Breaded Eggs…Milky Bread…” Octavia began.
“How ingenious! He has disguised the codes as an innocent shopping list!” Serpent Superior shouted. “It’s foolproof!”
“You don’t think you just accidentally pickpocketed his shopping list instead of the codes?” Octavia suggested. “Although these are some weird items…”
“…Crap,” said Serpent Superior. “Wait here a moment.” Watching Serpent Superior once more, Octavia saw the stallion run up to Royale once more, before leaping into the air and kicking him to the ground. Once again, apologies were made, and Serpent Superior was soon back by Octavia’s side. “There!” he declared. “This time I was successful, and stole – his wallet?”
“Anything good in there?” Octavia asked.
“Just a couple of bits,” said Serpent Superior, holding the wallet upside down and shaking it. “Oh, and apparently our friend Royale is a member of something called Fanfiction Writers Associated, if this platinum membership card is anything to go by.”
Octavia grimaced. “Well then,” she said, “third time’s the charm?”
Serpent Superior sighed. “I swear, if I don’t get the codes this time, we’ll just mug him for them.”
“You’re supposed to be the muscle!” exclaimed Serpent Superior. “What sort of muscle needs a crossbow to do their work for them?”
“Hey, just because I’m good at fighting does not mean that I like getting injured,” Octavia said.
“Whatever,” said Serpent Superior. “Be back in a minute.” For the third time, the masked villain walked across the casino floor and to Royale, this time punching the unicorn to the ground before claiming that the whole thing had been an accident. “There,” said Serpent Superior as he returned, “if this string of random numbers isn’t the code to the vault, I’ll eat my mask.”
“It could be an encrypted reminder for something,” pointed Octavia. “Or a-”
“Oh, shut up,” snapped Serpent Superior. He once again looked at his watch. “Now all we need to do is wait for Destroyer to begin his first part in the scheme, which will begin in minus two minutes.”
“Wait, doesn’t this mean that we’ve got to get going now then?” Octavia asked, standing up straighter and paying attention for the first time in a while.
“What?”
“If Destroyer’s part began two minutes ago, shouldn’t we make the most of it whilst we can?” Octavia asked.
“What in Equestria are you talking about?” Serpent Superior asked. “Destroyer’s part doesn’t begin for another minute and a half.”
“Wait, minus means that’s how long until it begins?” Octavia said.
“Yes,” said Serpent Superior, irritated, “it’s like a countdown. Only, you know, in reverse, so that’s why it’s in minus minutes.”
“Minus minutes?! Do you even know what you’re talking about? And anyway, countdowns go down, and don’t use minus minutes,” countered Octavia, “so if anything, we should be counting up. You should have just said that we had to wait two minutes for Destroyer’s part.”
“If I’d known I was going to be having this conversation, then yes, I would have,” said Serpent Superior, placing a hoof to his face in frustration.
For the next few minutes, Octavia and Serpent Superior were silent as they waited for Destroyer’s part in the plan to begin, Octavia’s few attempts at starting conversation swiftly shut down by Serpent Superior. And then, just when Octavia was wrapping up a daydream about Vinyl she’d been having –
BOOOOOOOM!!!
“There, that’s it,” said Serpent Superior. He had been a lot more relaxed during the waiting period, but now that Destroyer’s part had begun, he was all business once more. “Destroyer has begun the distractions.”
Around the casino floor, most ponies were looking nervous or confused. A few had stopped their gambling all together, whilst some others had merely paused before continuing. Mere moments later, however, another explosion, louder than the first, sounded, followed immediately after by the third explosion so far.
That was more than enough for the majority of ponies, who, already startled by the initial explosion, decided that whatever was going on, it wasn’t worth hanging around in the area for, especially if it meant risking their lives. Chaos erupted across the casino as ponies – both gamblers and employees of the casino – attempted to leave as quickly as possible, crashing into and knocking each other over in their haste. Unnoticed by most of the evacuees were the two ponies in the corner merely doing their best to avoid the chaos – one an Earth pony in a black dress, the other a well-dressed stallion wearing a mask.
“Perfection!” said Serpent Superior as the chaos began to subside. “Destroyer’s work was successful, and just as planned, the guard watching the elevator left in the chaos!”
“Brilliant!” agreed Octavia. “Although shouldn’t we be more quiet?”
“Whatever,” snarled Serpent Superior. As inconspicuously as possible, Serpent Superior and Octavia walked over towards the elevator, and then, after double-checking to make sure that the few remaining ponies were all focused on their games, they entered the elevator.
“Now, all we need to do is meet up with Vinyl, get past the casino’s defences, meet up with Destroyer, and we’ll be done!” said Octavia as she pressed the basement button.
“Did somepony beautiful call my name?” asked a voice. Looking upwards, Octavia saw that a panel of the elevator’s ceiling had been removed, and Vinyl Scratch was looking from it into the elevator. As always, she was grinning broadly.
Octavia smiled in response, unable to help herself. “Not half as beautiful as the pony being addressed,” she said as Vinyl jumped down into the elevator, not a moment before it started moving.
“Oh, you old charmer, you!” Vinyl replied. She leaned in to nuzzle Octavia playfully.
Serpent Superior cleared his throat. “Trooper Vinyl Scratch, how did your part of the mission go?” he asked. “Did you disable the surveillance from the upstairs security room, as discussed?”
“All that’s left to do is disable the stuff in front of the vault,” said Vinyl, nodding. “Would you believe I managed to disable all the cameras and get out of there in absolute stealth? Like a ghost!”
“I find that hard to believe,” said Serpent Superior bluntly.
“…Would you believe I had to knock out three guards but everything else was great?”
“No,” said Serpent Superior. Standing next to Vinyl, Octavia bit her lip, worried for her marefriend.
“How about me getting caught and having to sprint here with some guys shooting at me?” Vinyl offered. There were a few moments, during which nopony said anything. “You’re frowning at me from behind that mask, aren’t you?” asked Vinyl.
“Glad to see that you know me so well after your time in COBRA,” said Serpent Superior.
“Who cares?” said Octavia. “The genre dictates that something bad of some sort must occur during a heist, and if in our case it’s Vinyl temporarily getting caught, that’s still rather good.”
“I’d rather nothing go wrong if possible,” said Serpent Superior threateningly. He withdrew a small, portable crossbow from somewhere within his tuxedo and attached it to his foreleg just as the elevator door opened.
Silently, the three ponies slinked along the wall of the basement, past the doors Vinyl and Octavia had seen barely a week ago. Serpent Superior had his crossbow leg aimed upright, ready to snap to any threat the moment it appeared and fire immediately. Octavia walked with most of her weight poised in her back legs, prepared to throw herself forwards and attack any foe with her raw strength. Vinyl, having neither weapon nor natural strength to rely on, brought up the rear of the party, jumping from shadow to shadow and remaining as invisible as possible. If somepony found them, the element of surprise – one of Vinyl’s favourite elements, after uranium – would give Vinyl the advantage she needed to make the most of her magic.
“Trooper Vinyl,” breathed Serpent Superior, pressed up against a corner, “Trooper Octavia. Are those the guards whom you claim are guarding the vault?” He was looking down the next corridor, where sure enough, the guards Vinyl and Octavia had spotted the other night were standing there. Apparently, they hadn’t heard Destroyer’s explosions down in the basement, or perhaps they were just that professional that even the threat of the building collapsing around them wouldn’t make them abandon their post.
“They are,” said Octavia, equally quietly. She was positioned diagonally opposite to Serpent Superior, in the farthest corner where the two corridors met. When Serpent Superior gave the word, she would run towards the guards as fast as possible and take them out with all of her strength.
“Excellent,” said Serpent Superior. “And then beyond that we merely need to get past the security door and the laser room, and we shall be at the vault door!”
“Assuming that the set has been arranged already, yes,” said Vinyl confidently. Serpent Superior faltered.
“Th-the set?” he questioned. It was hard to tell whether his tone was more angry or confused.
Vinyl and Octavia both nodded friendlily at him.
“…I swear, sometimes I think I never should have quit being a used-cart salespony,” growled Serpent Superior. “Whatever. When I give the word, you two get in there and stop them. I’ll cover you with the crossbow.”
“What word would that be?” Octavia asked, frowning slightly.
“Retreeaaaattt!!!!” said Serpent Superior, pointing a hoof down the corridor.
“Got it, commander,” said Vinyl. “When you say, ‘Retreeeaaaatt!!!’, we’ll know that we have to attack them.”
“N-no, Vinyl,” sighed Serpent Superior. “That was the command to attack.”
“Right,” said Vinyl. “We got that. So just say the word when you’re ready for us to go.” Octavia nodded in confirmation.
Restraining himself as much as possible from undertaking any sort of action which would be detrimental to the mission, Serpent Superior ignored his base instincts and instead pointed a hoof down the corridor once more. “Retreeeeaaattt,” he said, much less enthusiastically than before.
Whether or not Vinyl and Octavia realised how little his heart was currently in this, they nevertheless both ran down the corridor as swiftly as possible. When they were both around halfway down the corridor, the guards noticed them and raised their crossbows, shouting out warnings as they had been trained to do. It wasn’t very effective. Vinyl and Octavia had been in too many fights to back down at a threat, and one like this was hardly going to be the exception to the rule. And besides, both mares believed that these were merely stuntsponies following the script, and that they were invincible.
What followed wasn’t so much a battle as a symphony of chaos. Sure, the guards fired off a few crossbow bolts when they realised that the mares weren’t going to stop, and some of them even hit their targets. Sure, they tried their hardest, some of them even being wise enough to switch to hoof-to-hoof combat once their targets came close enough. But against these two mares they didn’t stand a chance. It was a reckless struggle; a few brief moments of raw violence in what had been an otherwise quiet evening for the guards. It was a fight the guards were destined to lose, and which finished as quickly as it started.
“Ouch,” muttered Octavia, examining her back leg, where a crossbow bolt was still stuck. Her every instinct was telling her to remove it, but she knew from past experience that the better thing was to keep it in until she could find a hospital of some sorts. “Why is it always I that get shot? And why weren’t these ponies using rubber bolts?”
“Psst!” whispered Vinyl to a guard she had knocked out not ten seconds ago. “I know I’m not supposed to break the fourth wall when we’re on camera, but you had really good choreography there! If I wasn’t going out with a really hot and beautiful mare, I’d ask you out!”
Octavia overheard that, and giggled, the pain in her leg temporarily forgotten. “Come here, you-” she said, grabbing Vinyl and pulling her lips towards her own.
The two mares expressed their feelings towards each other for as long as they could, before Serpent Superior, who by now had stridden down the corridor, cleared his throat loudly. “If you two don’t mind, there’ll be plenty of time for that after we’re done here,” he growled. “We’re here to rob this casino, not waste time.”
“Unless this is a sexy casino robbery!” exclaimed Vinyl, Octavia nodding beside her in agreement. “I’m sure there’s some ponies who’d be interested in this film solely for the sexy bits. I can see it now… Vinyl and Octavia Make Out in a Casino,” she said, waving a hoof softly through the air as she spoke.
“…You two are idiots,” sneered Serpent Superior. “Just try to keep up,” he added, walking through the doors the now unconscious guards had been protecting.
“Somepony needs to get laid,” muttered Vinyl to Octavia moments before following him, eliciting a snigger from Octavia in response.
“So what is in this room, commander?” asked Octavia. As with the corridor before it, it was made entirely out of concrete. Opposite to the doors through which the three ponies had entered was another set of doors, this pair made out of a shiny metal.
“Why, it’s exactly as you described, of course,” said Serpent Superior, fiddling with some sort of magical terminal in a corner. “This set of doors is protected by a code, which, thanks to Royale, I am in possession of!”
“It is?” Vinyl asked, dumbfounded. “I mean, it is!” As she finished speaking, Serpent Superior finished inputting the code from the piece of paper he had acquired earlier, and with a small ding!, the doors slid open.
“…Well, that was anticlimactic,” commented Octavia as they headed into the next room.
“Don’t worry, Octavia!” said Vinyl enthusiastically. “I don’t think the next room will have any of that stuff I made up, so it’ll be a complete – holy crap! Look, Octavia!” The next room had a gigantic vault door before it, looking heavy enough that Octavia doubted she could have forced it open had she ten times her natural strength. But in spite of the large amount of wealth the vault door promised, that wasn’t what Vinyl had been excited about.
“Lasers! Rearranging every five seconds or so!” Vinyl jumped on the spot in glee. “Man, I am so cle-” Stopping speaking mid-sentence, her expression turned into a frown of confusion, then a look of horror. “Oh no,” she muttered. “I think there’s another trap for thieves in here.”
“A trap for thieves?” Octavia asked.
“Yes,” confirmed Vinyl. “I think it’s a time loop trap for thieves!”
“A trap for thieves?” Octavia asked.
“Yes,” confirmed Vinyl. “I think it’s a time loop trap for thieves!”
“A trap for-”
“Could you two cut out your inane joking for five minutes?” Serpent Superior snapped.
“Sorry about that, chief,” Vinyl apologised, “we just wanted to have some fun.”
“I trust you two aren’t so busy having fun that you can’t recall the rest of the plan?” Serpent Superior asked coldly.
Vinyl nodded and grinned. “I use my magic to disable the lasers which were apparently here all along, and at some point in the next few minutes, Destroyer will blow up that wall there-” she gestured to the right “- from within the sewers that run next to this casino. He then blows up the vault door, and we use the sewers to carry as much money as we can to Xamot and the other one in their carts. Roll credits and give an important lesson about how crime pays if you use your brain!”
“Close enough,” sighed Serpent Superior. “Vinyl, if you’ll do the honours?”
Vinyl’s horn illuminated as she searched for something to magically connect to. A laser system such as this would be most likely powered by a crystal of some sort, holding and storing a simple, repeatable spell – this case, rearranging the position of the lasers every few seconds, and sending out an alarm if they touched somepony.
Fortunately, whilst Vinyl was a terrible hacker and didn’t even grasp the basics of the concept, she was a fast learner, and so once she had found the crystal, embedded in the ceiling, and formed a magical connection to it, it was a simple matter of trying out every spell she had on it until either she or the crystal broke. Whilst the security firm Royale had outsourced his defences to had been prepared for almost every spell in a hacker’s metaphorical library, they had failed to consider what would happen if somepony sent the crystal hurtling through time, and so wasn’t long before the lasers disappeared; the spell that had powered them having appeared somewhere in the same place four thousand-odd years ago.
“And they said the time travel spell was a gimmick for that one adventure we had!” exclaimed Vinyl excitedly.
“Good job, Vinyl!” said Octavia, seeing the current laser pattern decorating the room disappear. “Now all we need to do is-” BOOM!!! An explosion similar to the ones heard earlier in the night sounded; quieter, but much closer. Although the force of it had been mostly contained on the other side of the wall Vinyl had indicated earlier, it was still large enough to send Vinyl, Octavia, and Serpent Superior knocked to the ground with considerable power.
“Destroyer?” asked Serpent Superior in his nasally voice as he picked himself up. He coughed once or twice, a result of the smoke that had been caused by the explosion. “Excellent timing. We’re just about to-”
Serpent Superior’s voice faltered as the smoke cleared out somewhat. Standing in the new hole in the wall was Destroyer all right, but accompanying him were at least twenty other ponies –guards from the casino, judging by their outfits. All of them, including Destroyer, were pointing crossbows at Serpent Superior.
“Destroyer? What is the meaning of this?!” demanded Serpent Superior. “Explain yourself!”
“Sorry, commander, but I got a better offer,” commented Destroyer, cocking his crossbow as he did so.
“See? I told you so,” whispered Octavia to Vinyl, both mares still lying on the ground. “Something bad always goes wrong during a heist!
Chapter Four: Getting Money and Getting Outta Dodge
“A better offer?!” Serpent Superior snarled, simultaneously raising his crossbow and aiming it at Destroyer. “When I came to you for weapons when COBRA first started, you assured me of your loyalty!”
“I did,” agreed Destroyer, aiming his crossbow at Serpent Superior. The guards to either side of him were silent and motionless as they let the conversation play out. “I’m loyal to whomever pays me –”
“Whoever,” corrected Serpent Superior.
“What?”
“It’s whoever,” Serpent Superior repeated.
“…Whatever,” said Destroyer. “I’m loyal to whoever pays me more – and in this case it’s Royale.” He took a step forwards, entering the room from the sewers fully. For whatever reason, it seemed that he was happy to prolong the inevitable task of shooting Serpent Superior for as long as they were talking.
“So help me stop these guards then, and we can split the loot between us,” Serpent Superior suggested, briefly tilting his crossbow to the guards on either side of Destroyer. “I doubt that fool Royale is paying you half the contents of his vault!”
In response, Destro threw back his head and laughed loudly. Which actually looked weird with his metal faceplate remaining still as it happened. “Serpent, please, don’t insult my intellect. Even if you and I could take out all of these guards and somehow get away with all that money – a hard task, by the way, since Tomax and Xamot are already in custody – we both know that once you’d replenished COBRA’s funds, there’d be barely enough for either of us. And besides, I don’t trust you.”
“…Perhaps this is for the best then,” said Serpent Superior coldly. Immediately, he twisted his leg with the crossbow attached to it, triggering its firing mechanism. In less than a second the loaded bolt flew through the air and slammed into Destroyer’s shoulder, burying itself deep into the flesh.
“Aargh!” cried out Destroyer, placing a hoof to the injured spot instinctively. Finding blood on his hoof as he withdrew it, he said, “You –enough fooling around! Fire!” The guards behind him, having been awaiting this command for several minutes now, immediately opened fire. Unlike Destroyer and Serpent Superior, their crossbows were of the weaker, laser-shooting variety, and everypony was soon blinded by the sheer volume of lasers being fired at Serpent Superior.
In spite of the momentous task before him, that of defeating all of the guards and Destroyer, Serpent Superior, for once in his life, didn’t follow his organisation’s motto of Retreat. Instead, he calmly took the opportunity to reload his crossbow with another bolt, aim, and fire at the first guard he saw. The impact of the lasers was affecting him, of course, and although he would never admit it, least of all to himself, he doubted that he could last long enough to defeat every guard.
Nevertheless, even as his tuxedo began to fall apart and he felt his skin beginning to bruise, Serpent Superior loaded another crossbow bolt and fired once more. He didn’t have the luxury of checking how accurate his shots were, so he assumed that the bolts were landing in the heads he was aiming them at, and that each bolt fired meant one less guard to worry about.
It was midway through his third reload that Serpent Superior felt a heavy impact in one of his front legs, as though an entire cart had hit him in the one place. Dazed, he took a moment to look at the area – a large piece of metal was sticking out of him. Serpent Superior looked forwards, the pain in his leg becoming white noise amongst all the other injuries his body was receiving. There, of course, was Destroyer, who had shot the bolt at him. It was going to be that way? Fine. Serpent Superior had been planning on saving Destroyer for last, but if that was the way it was going to be played, Serpent Superior was ready and willing.
The leader of COBRA finished the reload he had been in the middle of, and then slowly raised his crossbow to his former weapon supplier. Why was his hoof moving so slowly? When did it become such an effort to partake in such a simple action? Serpent Superior fired his loaded bolt, but even as he did so, he felt one of his back legs collapse from strain, sending the bolt flying in a completely different direction from where he had aimed it, namely, Destroyer’s neck.
Serpent Superior tried with all his might to reload his crossbow again, but as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t even reach for the next bolt in his tuxedo. Every little action hurt, and he hadn’t even made a serious dent in the quantity of guards. Why not just lie down and give up now…?
Relinquishing what little control of his muscles he had, Serpent Superior allowed himself to collapse to the ground, only wincing slightly as the impact caused more damage to his body. By this stage, doing anything other than breathing was too much effort, and even that felt difficult.
“Cease fire!” called out Destroyer to the guards, seeing that Serpent Superior posed no threat. The metallic masked stallion slowly walked over to his former employer, his crossbow at the ready in Serpent Superior tried anything.
“Destroyer…you fool…” coughed Serpent Superior. Most of his tuxedo had been destroyed, and from what could be seen of his coat, he was in terrible condition. One of his back legs was positioned in a way that made it clear that it had been broken, and all over his body scars and bruises could be seen. If Serpent Superior survived this, it would be a long time before he could do any physical action, if indeed he was ever able to.
“Any last words?” asked Destroyer, pointing his crossbow at Serpent Superior’s helmet.
“What? Oh, no, I meant any last words before we take you to prison,” explained Destroyer. “The crossbow’s for if you try anything.”
“Destroyer…why did you sell out?” Serpent Superior asked weakly. “Why did you betray the ideals upon which COBRA was founded?”
“Spare me your criticism,” sneered Destroyer. “You seem to be under the impression that COBRA were freedom fighters, that we meant something – but we didn’t. All we ever were were terrorists, plain and simple.”
“We did mean something!” Serpent Superior retorted. “We were going to overthrow Celestia and Luna…let ponies get by on their own merits, rather than the class and status they were born into! Let ponies make their own choices, rather than being forced into the choices made by foolish politicians who care only about impressing the masses! What’s so bad about that?”
“Anarchy has its merits, but I think you’ll find that few ponies could adjust to a society like that,” Destroyer countered. He leaned in closer. “And between you and me? Following that path won’t get me the power I crave.”
“Destroyer! You-” Serpent Superior’s words were cut off as Destroyer removed his helmet and clubbed COBRA’s commander with the butt of his crossbow, knocking him out.
“Mission successful, gentlestallions,” said Destroyer to the guards, who until now had been standing at attention. “At ease.”
“Sir?” asked one guard, awkwardly stepping into the room. “Weren’t there another two ponies in here earlier?”
Destroyer scanned the room, only noticing now that a certain grey mare and her unicorn marefriend were missing. “Vinyl and Octavia,” he muttered, clicking his tongue in annoyance. “Well, I needed to take care of them anyway…”
“Sir?” asked that same guard.
“Take care of Serpent Superior, and bring him to the Manehattan guards,” said Destroyer. “I’ll deal with our little runaways…”
===============================
“Rolling!” declared Vinyl.
“Nice exposition, Vinyl,” agreed Octavia, pulling herself up from the floor. The two mares were in front of the elevator leading back up to the casino floor. Aside from the unconscious guards the two had knocked out earlier, there didn’t appear to be another soul in the vicinity, which suited the mares just fine. “Whilst we had to sacrifice some speed by sticking to rolling, I think that the stealth it afforded us was worth it.”
“Yeah!” agreed Vinyl, also having gotten up. She pressed the elevator button with a hoof. “I doubt that they’ll need us for the rest of that scene, and this way we don’t look too conspicuous on camera. And if we get paid for the time we’re not in the scene because nopony notices…well, I’m not complaining!” She winked at Octavia.
Octavia smirked. “Vinyl, you are as devious as you are beautiful,” she remarked. She pulled the mare close to her. “If anypony noticed we’d snuck away, they surely would have found us by now. What say we head back to our apartment and –”
A tiny, high-pitched whizz! noise sounded, followed closely by a slight rush of air that rushed past one of Octavia’s ears. She frowned, and after a moment of deducing what had happened, looked behind her. Sure enough, there was a small crossbow bolt embedded in the wall, cracks spreading out into the concrete from its point of impact. Vinyl gave Octavia a quizzical look as the grey mare looked past her marefriend and into the corridor, where Destroyer stood, his crossbow already reloaded.
“The next shot won’t be a warning,” growled Destroyer.
“That’s…a little bit of an overreaction for leaving the set early, don’t you think?” Vinyl asked, having turned around to see what Octavia was looking at. As she spoke, a small ding! sounded and the elevator doors opened.
“I suppose that he’s just going with our improv and continuing the scene,” murmured Octavia. “We should probably get away.”
“Agreed,” said Vinyl. “Dramatic jump into elevator?”
“Ooh, alright then,” agreed Octavia. As Destroyer’s impatience grew beyond the point where he could contain it, and he fired the next bolt from his crossbow, Octavia and Vinyl both leapt sideways into the open elevator, landing heavily on their stomachs and ribs.
“Ouch!” exclaimed Vinyl. “Man, that always looks much cooler when other ponies do it!”
Octavia chose not to reply, instead getting up as quickly as she could and pressing the button to send the elevator upwards. The magical circuit within the elevator did as she bid, and the doors closed, followed shortly by the upwards acceleration of the elevator.
“There,” Octavia said confidently, choosing now to speak, “that should be the end of that chapter. In a propaganda film such as this, I doubt there is the need to show what happened to two ordinary troopers such as yourself and I after we escaped, so we should be finished for all of tonight’s shooting.”
“Does that mean it’s time for sexytimes at the apartment?” Vinyl asked enthusiastically, picking herself up from the elevator floor.
Octavia grinned. “Your one-track mind really should annoy me, love, but instead it-”
BOOM!!!
Octavia stopped talking as a loud explosion sounded from below, which only moments later sent a force rippling through the elevator. Both Vinyl and Octavia gasped as they felt the elevator shaking violently, knocking the two of them off their hooves. It shook for several moments longer before stopping.
“Ouch…any idea what that may have been?” asked Octavia, rubbing her head where she had hit an elevator wall with it.
“I guess Destroyer isn’t taking us leaving for an answer,” said Vinyl as she telekinetically lifted the emergency exit hatch out. The elevator had stopped moving after the explosion, and being the smart mare that she was, Vinyl was looking to see what she could do about it. “I should be annoyed at him for taking the film so seriously, but damn if I can’t respect that level of dedication to the job! Also, the cable’s on fire.”
“What?!” Octavia asked, rushing over to Vinyl and looking up through the hatch. Sure enough, one of the cables holding up their elevator had flames ignited all along it, no doubt fuelled by the grease of the cable.
“I guess I should have mentioned that first, huh?” commented Vinyl.
Another explosion sounded below the two mares, the force of it rocking the elevator they were standing in and threatening to give both of them heart attacks for a few moments. Above them, the cable swung back and forth, looking more frail than ever.
“New plan: get out of the elevator,” said Octavia, kneeling down to allow Vinyl to climb onto her back.
“Agreed,” said Vinyl as she used Octavia to reach up to the elevator hatch. As soon as she had secured herself and pulled herself up to the roof of the elevator, the unicorn reached a hoof down and helped to pull Octavia up, ignoring the strain it placed upon her shoulder.
“Alright...now, I guess we’ll-” Octavia stopped talking as the third explosion sounded, instinctively causing her to grab Vinyl, for all the good it would do her if the two ponies fell from the elevator. She looked over the edge.
“What the hay is Destroyer trying to blow up the elevator door for?” Vinyl asked, simultaneously looking upwards for some sort of convenient, previously unmentioned platform that could carry her and Octavia up to safety. (There wasn’t one).
Octavia stumbled backwards from the edge of the elevator as she answered, “It appears that he was trying to get the doors open so that he could get in. He’s now climbing up the elevator cables below us.” A moment later a bolt flew through the space her head had been occupying a few moments previously.
Vinyl frowned. “Isn’t that like, super dangerous? Once these cables burn through he’ll be crushed.”
Octavia shrugged in response. “I never claimed to understand the way his mind works, darling. Any sign of how we can get out of here?”
“Yeah, but it’s probably even stupider than just sitting here,” Vinyl said. She pointed a hoof upwards. “See the fire on the cable? It hasn’t spread to the other three cables holding the elevator up yet, and they should still be pretty strong…”
Octavia cringed. “Any alternatives?” she asked.
“Yeah!” said Vinyl enthusiastically. “You remember that time travel spell I-”
“Climbing the cables it is,” Octavia interrupted. Wincing, she leapt to the nearest cable, wrapping her hooves and body around it. Slowly, awkwardly, she forced herself to let go with a hoof and reach upwards, pulling her body with just that hoof once if felt sufficiently secure.
Octavia felt terribly scared climbing. The last time she had been doing this, she had been working with gravity to go downwards, which had been infinitely easier. Here, she had to work against it, and whenever she relaxed her grip even slightly, she felt the rough metallic texture of the cable rubbing against her, an unpleasant feeling which reminded her that the strength of her muscles were all that allowed her to defy gravity in the manner she was. To be perfectly honest, Octavia didn’t feel confident that she and Vinyl would be able to make it even twenty metres up the cable before giving up, but it was better than not trying anything.
It was slow-going up the cable at first, but as Octavia and Vinyl found a technique which suited each of them, and adjusted to the pressure the exercise placed upon them, they soon found that climbing up the cable was…well, actually, it was still slow-going, but it put a bit less of a strain on them.
“Can you see up the top?” Vinyl called up to Octavia.
Octavia looked downwards to answer. “I can see down your top,” she replied in turn, grinning in spite of the danger they were still in.
“What? I’m not wearing clothes. That doesn’t even make-”
Vinyl’s protest was interrupted by a bolt whizzing past her, skimming her tail and taking out a few hairs in the process.
“Vinyl! Octavia!” called out Destroyer, who had managed to climb up to the elevator cart. “My vengeance shall not be denied! Neither of you will escape!”
“Dude!” called back Vinyl. “What the hay is your problem?! We’ve got bigger crap to worry about at the moment than you!”
“You would say that, wouldn’t you, Vinyl?” replied Destroyer. “Soon you’ll both realise that I am your biggest problem, and I-”
“Oh my Celestia,” sighed Vinyl, ignoring the rest of Destroyer’s speech. “Octavia, baby, I’m going to go deal with our former weapons dealer.” Without another word, she let go of the cable and let herself fall down towards Destroyer.
“Vinyl!” shouted out Octavia. “Dammit, why does she not give me proper warning before doing things like that? I’d enjoy fighting Destroyer too.” After a moment of this introspection, Octavia realised that there was nothing forcing her to hold onto the elevator cable, shrugged, and also let go.
Vinyl had done her thinking well, and positioned herself so that she had landed upon Destroyer, knocking him to the ground. Whilst Octavia hadn’t the foresight to do so herself, her more durable Earth pony body absorbed the impact of landing much more easily than Vinyl’s would have from a similar height. The downside to this was that the larger impact caused the elevator to rock quite seriously, causing the three ponies upon it to struggle to maintain their balances for a few moments.
In spite of the combat experience Vinyl and Octavia had, it was Destroyer who managed to balance himself soonest, adjusting quickly to the changed tilt of the elevator. He fired his crossbow at Octavia – a tranquiliser dart, as he had run out of bolts – before drawing a knife from his belt and slashing it at Vinyl. Fortunately, the changed angle of the elevator caused Vinyl to slide back just far enough to avoid the blade, and moments later the elevator had dissipated the energy from Octavia’s impact.
What followed was a frenzy of action, packed into less than a minute. Vinyl made a feint in the hopes of avoiding Destroyer’s knife, but Destroyer had already spun around to address Octavia’s threat as she removed the dart from her chest before it could start to seriously affect her. Octavia dodged Destroyer’s knife, losing a few strands of her mane in the process, but he in turn dodged her right hook, leading to Octavia accidentally punching Vinyl to the ground.
Octavia immediately helped Vinyl up, but in that time Destroyer had reloaded his crossbow, and managed to get another dart into Octavia. In response Vinyl ‘s unbridled rage caused her to dive at Destroyer and punch him in the mask repeatedly, but mere seconds after she started she had to retreat as she saw an elevator cable, weakened from the fire, flying down and nearly crushing her body. All parties breathing heavily from the surge of violence, the fight was temporarily paused.
“Why are you fighting us, Destroyer?!” Octavia asked.
“Yeah!” Vinyl agreed. “This makes for an exciting action sequence, but it feels like it’s just here because the story of the movie requires it.”
“The movie?” Destroyer asked. He let out a loud, hearty laugh. “The movie?! Don’t tell me you two actually thought…you two weren’t just pretending?”
“Pretending what?” Octavia asked, frowning. She wanted to look upwards to see how the elevator cable was doing, but Destroyer would likely notice if she was distracted and take advantage in that brief instant.
“What in Celestia’s name do you two think you – COBRA wasn’t a film studio!” Destroyer said, his voice turning threatening. “We were never actors, or exterminators, or whatever other crap you made up to yourselves to excuse what we did!”
“Then…what were we?” Vinyl asked, confusion in her voice. She felt like she knew the answer already, but didn’t want to think about it.
“We were terrorists, you idiots! All the crossbows, the attacks, that fantastic voyage when we shrunk down and went into Serpent Superior’s bloodstream – it was all real!”
Vinyl’s mind was spinning. They had been working for a real Equestrian terrorist? The anti-Celestia rally…the attack on Canterlot…the casino robbery…now that Vinyl thought about it, it explained a lot about COBRA. Still though, what was wrong with her that she hadn’t realised any of it was real? And on a side note, what was it about Destroyer that seemed so familiar to her?
“But what about the-”
“Sorry, ladies, but that’s enough questions for now,” said Destroyer, raising his crossbow and pointing it at Vinyl. “It’s the end of the line for you two – and if I’d realised that you genuinely were oblivious all of this time, and not just using COBRA as I was, it would have been the end a long time ago.” He began twisting his leg to trigger the firing mechanism of his crossbow.
“Wait a minute – I’ve got it!” announced Vinyl. Destroyer paused, confused. “Your voice…your fighting style…the weapons you use… I know who you are, Destroyer!”
Destroyer lowered his crossbow leg slightly. “You…do?” he asked, hesitation in his voice.
“Yes! Give it up…dad!” said Vinyl.
Octavia gasped. “Vinyl! Destroyer is really your father!”
“What?” Destroyer asked. “No I’m not.” He raised his crossbow again.
“But I was sure you – actually, now that I think about it, dad never tried to kill me,” Vinyl said thoughtfully. “Carry on then!” she added cheerfully.
“No argument here,” muttered Destroyer, firing his crossbow at Vinyl. He was a second too late, however, as Octavia had already been halfway through tackling Vinyl to the ground when he fired. In spite of the dart’s incredible velocity, the Earth pony had been just a bit too quick, and it missed the two ponies as they slammed into the elevator’s roof.
“Destroyer, please!” Octavia protested, picking herself up as Destroyer reloaded yet another dart from his seemingly-infinite supply. “We’re on a burning elevator that will collapse any minute and, and- whatever your qualm with us, deal with it another day! Do you really want to die in this fruitless attempt to kill us?”
“It’d be worth it to kill you two,” Destroyer snarled. At some point since he had climbed to the elevator his Scoltish accent had disappeared, and although his voice was now vaguely familiar to Octavia, she couldn’t place where she had heard it before.
Without any hesitation, Destroyer fired his crossbow for the umpteenth time – only for it to be surrounded by a telekinetic field and snapped in half after a moment of strain. Growling, he drew his knife from his belt, only for that too to be surrounded by a magical field, wrestled from his grip, and tossed over the edge of the elevator.
“Hey guys,” said Vinyl, oblivious to the murderous glare no doubt present behind Destroyer’s mask, “did you know my horn can move things at a distance? I can’t believe I’ve never noticed that before!”
“Shut up, you idiot!” roared Destroyer. With his weapons removed from the equation, he had only one option – he leapt at Vinyl, attempting to pin her down and choke her from there. Unfortunately for Destroyer, he’d completely forgotten about Vinyl’s partner, who once again tackled Vinyl to the ground to avoid Destroyer’s attack. And without Vinyl in the way of Destroyer’s leap –
“What th-?” Flying over the edge of the elevator, those were the last words Vinyl and Octavia heard from Destroyer before he descended into the darkness. The two, still lying on the roof of the elevator, took a few moments to hold each other, ensuring that he wasn’t going to ascend out of the darkness for vengeance once more. Feeling each others’ heart beats…being able to have a brief moment of calm after an intense evening… it felt good. But it had to end, and Octavia was soon up and looking over the edge of the elevator.
“What-what do you see?” Vinyl asked, her voice coming out more hoarsely than she expected.
“Nothing,” said Octavia, trying to make something, anything, out. “There’s too much smoke. He might have fallen to his death, or he might have somehow grabbed onto a cable and slid down to the ground. I can’t see anything.”
“But doesn’t smoke rise?” Vinyl pointed out. “And the fire’s on the elevator cable.”
Octavia opened her mouth to rebut that, then realised that Vinyl was completely correct. “Whatever,” she said. “Let’s get out of here. As far as casino heists go, this is nothing but a large disappointment.”
===============================
Half an hour later, Vinyl and Octavia were at the one place the Manehattan and casino guards hadn’t bothered to search thoroughly – the casino roof. They’d been fortunate enough that the elevator cable had started working again halfway whilst they were climbing up it, and after making it up to the casino proper, had snuck up to the roof for sanctuary and the opportunity to relax for a bit. After the night they’d been through, who could blame them?
“So I guess that’s the end of our career as COBRA Troopers,” Octavia said bitterly. She was lying next to Vinyl and watching the stars – or at least, she would have been watching the stars if the city’s light pollution hadn’t all but eliminated them from the skies. Damn cities.
Next to her, Octavia felt Vinyl shrug. “Well, we weren’t ever really good COBRA Troopers anyway. Hay, was anypony there? For a terrorist organisation they sure did love using non-damaging firearms.”
Octavia couldn’t help but chuckle. “That’s certainly true,” she said. Silence fell between the two ponies.
Vinyl bit her lip. She hated silences like this between herself and her marefriend. Was Octavia silent because she had nothing more to talk about at the moment, or because she was waiting for Vinyl to say the right thing? Not wanting to say the wrong thing, Vinyl opted for the safer solution, and asked, “Octavia, what’s wrong?”
“I just…it…” Octavia started, waving a hoof around to illustrate her point. She sighed and let it fall. “Doesn’t it seem stupid to you, that we worked for a terrorist organisation for Celestia-knows how long?” She was standing up now and pacing irritably along the roof. “Does that… are we bad ponies, or are we just stupid?”
“Hay, we’re not the ones who advertised a secret terrorist organisation with bright posters,” said Vinyl, getting up and giving Octavia a hug in an attempt to calm her down. “On that note, no guards seemed to find COBRA with the posters, so I hardly think we’re winning the stupid awards here.”
Octavia let out a short, sharp laugh, unable to disagree with Vinyl. Especially not when her fur was so soft and warm and huggable as it was right now. “What do you think will happen to COBRA now?” Octavia asked, her voice slightly muffled by Vinyl’s fur.
Vinyl gave a shrug. “I dunno. Tomax, Xamot, Destroyer, and the commander are all out of the picture, so maybe it’ll fall into disarray? Maybe Destroyer gave up COBRA’s base before the casino assault and they’ll all be taken out in a raid? I don’t think they’ll last for very much longer.” It might have been Vinyl’s imagination, but it seemed to her that Octavia hugged her a little tighter for a few moments after that. Shortly afterwards, the hug was relinquished. A silence fell between the two mares once more, but this time Vinyl let it persist. Octavia was gazing off into the distance, her mind clearly thinking.
“What do you think we should do now?” Octavia asked, suddenly remembering something she’d heard earlier that night. “I’ve got an idea in mind…”
“Me too, but you say yours first.”
“No, no, you go first,” Octavia insisted.
“Bah. Classy mares,” said Vinyl, sticking out her tongue. “Alright, so COBRA’s got no leaders, which means we’re out of jobs in Manehattan since as I said it’ll probably fall apart. I think it’s obvious where I’m going with this…”
Octavia nodded. “I had a similar idea myself,” she said.
“Really? You agree that we should take over COBRA then?!” Vinyl asked excitedly. Octavia glared at her. “I mean, what’s your idea?”
“In all of the chaos of tonight, I didn’t get the opportunity to mention it, but I bumped into an old friend of mine; Frederic Horseshoepin,” Octavia began. Vinyl gestured with a hoof for her to continue.
“Vinyl…how do you feel about moving back to Canterlot…?”
===============================
Scarcely a kilometre below Vinyl and Octavia, a body shifted slightly. It was in tremendous pain, but shifted again, forcing itself to fight past the agony and to stand up. Wincing, it looked around the area it was in – there were no ponies here, at least as far as it could tell through the pain in its head.
The pony examined his body, checking for serious injuries. After a thorough few minutes, it detected that all that was there were some bruises and scrapes. That was good. Once he had hit the side of the elevator shaft with his head, Destroyer had completely lost track of everything that had happened to him, and had, in his last few moments of consciousness, naturally assumed that things would be worse than they currently were. It looked as though the protective spell on his costume really had been as effective as it was supposed to be.
Still, there was a time for costumes, and a time to unmask – and with his role in COBRA thoroughly finished, Destroyer felt that it was time for the latter. Slowly, Destroyer removed the mask which had covered his face for longer than he could recall, allowing his face to breathe properly for the first time in ages.
“Vinyl and Octavia,” he muttered to himself, spitting to the ground. “Once again, you found a way to involve yourselves in my plans. Enjoy it whilst you can. For the next time you meet Baron von Darkhoof, it will be the final confrontation.”
