A Proper Mare
It all began with that dreadful party. That awful, awful party.
… No, no, I'm sorry, that's wrong. I'm trying to take out my anger on something besides myself. The problem obviously began long before that. But, I guess the party is as good a place to start as any.
“Hey Rares,” Dash leaned into me as the couple walked away from us, her body pressing into me as her hot, wet breath poured over my right ear as she spoke in a low husky voice, “kiss me.”
My body went rigid. And I... I reached out with my left hoof and gently pushed her from me.
“Not that I don't appreciate it dear,” I said, not meaning it, “but there is a time and a place.”
“Doesn't seem to be stopping them,” Dash said, giving a lopsided grin and a flick of her head somewhere over my left shoulder. My eyes darted to the side, and then as rapidly back as possible. Despite my best attempts at propriety, I could not stop noticing the soft, wet, sucking noises hidden just beneath the idle chatter of the other guests.
I looked at Rainbow Dash then. I had spent hours stitching that dress for her so she could be here with me. She would have looked breathtaking in it, but the unsteady slant to her posture and slight lack of focus in her eyes marred the effect.
She had been drinking.
“Just because other guests have failed to act in good taste does not give us liberty to... dear.”
“Come on Rares” She drew in close to me. I couldn't understand the look that came over her. I could smell the alcohol on her breath. Why was she doing this? She had never drunk at these parties before. “Please.”
“No, Dash” I pushed her back again. “Please, just stop.”
She took a step back, and her face fell. She looked hurt, angry. It cut to see.
“I'm sorry dear,” I leaned in, “I understand these functions aren't fun for you. You don't have to subject yourself to more prater if you don’t want to. You can wait for me at a table while I make the rounds. I'll try to get done as soon as possible, and once we get back the hotel we can kiss as much as you want.” I gave a small smile and reached out, my hoof gently brushing hers. “Promise.”
I seized up again when I saw her reaction. She... she resented me for what I had said, but almost as fast as it appeared, it vanished into a long tired sigh.
“Yeah, okay.” She said. “I'm just being a stupid. You have fun at the party.” She turned then and left me there, walking away like all life had left her.
I just... I just didn't know what to do. I guess she must have just been bored and frustrated at the party. They rarely made her happy, although she was often a charm at them. That's what I told myself, anyway, as I went around rubbing hocks with all the ponies I needed to. After a while I even believed it, enough that seeing Dash stare like a blind mare at the bar almost didn't phase me when I came to fetch her. I told her I was ready and we left.
It was the silence on the walk back through Canterlot that really ate away at my confidence. Dash, bless her heart, is many things, but silent is not one of them. Honestly it was only now that I realized just how much I missed her chatter as the silence and doubts seemed to fill the street. We exchanged a few words with little meaning, but those only served to keep the tide at bay, rather than banish it.
Thankfully, the walk to the hotel only seemed to last forever. We were in the elevator when I reached out for her hoof to squeeze it with mine. I saw her make a series of expressions for the first time since I found her at the bar. First happy and tired, then sad and tired, and then just tired.
We reached the room, dark save for Luna's moon which came in blades of light between the blinds. I turned on the light at the sink in the hall, and made short work of my dress. I folded it on the bench next to the door, and with a flick, turned off the light. It was then that I heard Dash muttering and the sound of her shuffling around on the bed.
I felt perhaps a tiny pinch of mischief as I grinned in a way Dash has taken to describing as “more terrifying” than my cat. I crept up onto the bed behind her, and I felt her stop her struggle with her dress.
“Let me get that” I said softly. My horn glowed as one by one the clasps on the dress snapped open. As they did so I placed my hooves on her back, and began to slowly push the dress off of her. I had stitched this dress myself, meaning after having taken it on and off the mannequin so often I could have put it on or taken it off a pony blindfolded. Which, I admit, was a nice perk all things considered.
She was tense under me, but that just made me grin harder as I pressed in more firmly as I dragged my hooves across her back with the barest of pretense of getting her out of the dress. Once the dress was pull down her back, I reached up and began pushing the dress over her wing. One side done, I grabbed the wing as it unfurled, and ran a hoof over it, savoring the feeling of smooth ridges of muscles beneath silken fur and down under my hoof. Her wings have always held a fascination for me. It’s hard to describe without really getting to touch them. I could spend forever just running my hoof over them.
I pulled the other wing free, casting the dress aside. I leaned forward as I fondled her wing like the other, and I leaned over and bit into the lean muscle gently. Dash made a low, soft sound. I barely heard it as I continued to make soft bites from the elbow to the shoulder. Once I finished I pulled myself up onto her back, draping myself around her neck. I took her tension for anticipation.
“So, want that kiss now?” I whispered into her ear, grinning.
Dash gave out a sound somewhere between a groan and a snarl, and, before I realized what was happening, I was tossed aside and she was crawling off the bed, glaring at me over her shoulder.
“I-I-Dash? I-What did I do?”
“Nothing Rarity.” Dash said, her voice somewhere between sardonic and fury. “Absolutely nothing.”
“What's wrong?”
“Oh, what's wrong? What's wrong? NOW you want to know what's wrong!”
“Dash, please.” I was scared. “Is this about the party-”
“Oh Sun, the party, the party, the party – Is that all you care about?” She was stalking back and forth now.
“No Dash, I just don't understand what's wrong.”
“You wouldn't kiss me!” she shouted, although she suddenly sounded more desperate than angry.
Something began tickling the back of my brain then. Something that turned my fear and confusion into anger.
“You aren't actually angry because I wouldn't make out with you in public, are you?”
“Falling Moon, Rarity! You actually think I wanted to just take you on the floor in-front of all of Canterlot? Are you that scared?!”
“Of what?!”
“Of actually acknowledging me!” She yelled, her voice strained between a shout and sob.
My anger froze dead in its tracks.
“I can't stand it Rarity.” Rainbow Dash said. “I can't stand it. At first you tell me you aren't ready to tell people yet, and that I need to wait. So I waited. First a week. Then a month. Then months. And then you start taking me to these parties, and at first I don't want to. I don't want to get shoved in a new dress every two weeks and stand around talking with ponies I don't care about. But, I do anyway, because I'm supposed to be there for you, and then despite everything, I learn to love these stupid things – love them Rarity, because it makes you happy... but then I get there, and I have to stand next to you, and you introduce me. I'm Rainbow Dash, Stuntmare or Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty, or, Rainbow Dash, Wonderbolt Reservist, but never what I really am when I'm there. I...” she was sobbing now. “I just want to touch you. I want to wrap my wings around you. I want to kiss you. I want to let the whole world know Rarity, know that the most beautiful, wonderful mare in the whole wide world loves me, because right then and there, that's all that matters to me, but you don't let me...” She look up at me then, her cheeks two long fat lines of damp darkness as her eyes glittered in the moonlight. The words came out as choked sobs “Do you hate me?”
…
“No Dash, no – please, no!”
“I'm sorry.” she blubbered, collapsing her front onto the bed and grabbing her face in her hooves. “I'm sorry.”
I grabbed her then, and tried to hold her as best as I could. I ran my hooves through her hair, hugged her, kissed her forehead. I had to touch her. I had to. She kept babbling and I kept babbling right back long into the night. It didn't really matter. I just needed to be there. To touch her.
I had made a terrible mistake...
I woke up suddenly. For a moment there was confusion and fear as I wasn't sure where I was, but then it came back to me all at once. I couldn't remember when I finally found sleep, and I couldn't remember when the night ended and the dreams began. I looked at the clock. Pressing on noon. For some reason my now defunct plan to take Dash to breakfast hit me in the heart like a knife. Now, after all things...
I nudged her awake, told her the time and that we had to leave to catch our train. We packed in relative silence. Before we left the room I turned to her to ask if she was ready. She affirmed – of course she would, Dash always travels light – and she was right there. I hesitated, but I leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss. When I opened my eyes she was averting her eyes, but at least she was smiling.
We found ourselves alone in a little cab on the train to ourselves. My eyes flickered between the sight of Equestria flying past and her. I finally, letting impulse take me before fear could hold me back any longer, reached out and grabbed her hoof and wrapped it around mine. It shocked her from her reverie, and she turned to look at me. I smiled. She smiled back.
“...last night,” she began.
“Hush.” I said. “I'm sorry. I've put you through a lot haven't I?”
“No, I...” Dash squeezed my hoof, but she looked weary. “I understand. If you aren't ready I can't force you. I...” She grinned. “Believe it or not, I totally get what it's like to be scared. To have the whole world watching you when you're about to give it your all. What if you screw up, you know? What if they hate you?”
“Dash...”
“It's cool Rarity.” She smiled. “I understand.”
“Dash.” I felt tears on my face. Dash looked shocked for a moment, and then gave a comforting smile.
“Hey,” she said, leaning forward, kissing me on one cheek and then the other, “none of that now.”
“Das-”
“As much as love the sound of my name on your lips, let's just not talk about it for a while, okay? We both need to rest.”
“Okay.” I managed to get out.
“Okay.”
She pulled me close, leaning us together, and from the crook of my shoulder watched the world fly by, smiling. I tried to take comfort in the silence. Eventually, I gave in and drifted into a waking dream. Just me, the world, and... and the most wonderful prince I've ever known.
Dash escorted me back to my home, chatting a bit about her upcoming week. She seemed tired, but in good humor, even if the former was odd to see. She came inside for a moment... out of sight of the street, just as had become habit between us, and we parted ways with a kiss, one longer and more intimate than the one we had shared at the hotel.
Dash was right. Rest did me good. Once I had a couple days sleep behind me, everything became far more clear.
She was right to be angry with me. I had been selfish... and a coward.
All my life I had dreamed of that city on the mountain, of the soaring towers hanging over all Equestria; of the gowns, and balls, the glamour. In those dreams, the dreams they had shown me in stories and art, there were always princes and princesses, or princes and the noble peasant girls, but never in my life was there a princess and another princess.
That’s ultimately the ugly truth of it. When Dash came to me, and took my hoof in hers, I realized some part of me desperately wanted to reciprocate… but some other part of me, the part of me that has always lead me astray… it was afraid, afraid of what those names in Canterlot would say about me if they knew I…
All my life I dreamed of having a prince, and when one finally came, a noble, loyal, I dare say dashing prince who would move the whole world for her friends, I turned her away. I hid behind stretched and bent rules of decorum, but I still turned her away all the same, all because I had always been afraid what people would say if they knew that I also…
She had shown me so much loyalty, but some element of generosity I had turned out to be.
…I know she would be angry if she heard that. Dash, for all her bravado, is a sensitive soul. It's best not to dwell on our mistakes. The future was what mattered, and I had a plan.
Our next Pony-Pet Playdate fell at the end of the week. We were all meeting in the park with our pets. As I crested a hill I was glad to see she had beaten me there. That would make this easier.
As I got close my pace picked up as I steeled my nerves. No turning back now Rarity. Best to see it through.
“Rainbow Dash!” I said, coming up the hill at a trot.
“Hey Rarity, what's-” her greeting was cut short as I reached out and grabbed her muzzle, and pulled it into mine.
I kissed her. She was tense for a second, but, at my insistence, fell quickly into the act with me. I poured everything I had into that kiss. My fear, my shame, and above all, my love. Everything faded away, consumed by that kiss. When we stopped, I pulled back, and despite what Applejack would say later I did not have a “big doofy grin” on my face.
Dash glowed, looking into my eyes with wonder. I felt free.
“I love you.” I said.
Our friends cheered.