There has been a war against evil taking place behind the scenes, with the forefront led by Joseph Joestar! But with new enemies, new allies will have to be made. A Jojo's Bizarre Adventure x My Little Pony Crossover Fiction.
Taking place shortly after Season 5 Episode 16, Rarity and Applejack meet a curious fellow buying a hideous scarf.
Welcome to a world were the events that happened in Jojo's Bizarre Adventure have taken place in the My Little Pony universe. And the story starts as the war that had been normally fought within the dead of night, starts growing to the point where the protagonist, Joseph Joestar, may not be enough to quell the oncoming storm.
A Jojo's Bizarre Adventure x My Little Pony Fiction Story.
Rarity and Applejack were walking away from the neighborhood of Manehattan that the Cutie Map had sent them to. Having successfully put on the Midsummer Revival with the help of Coco Pommel, Rarity was about to reveal to Applejack what exactly she understood to make perfect sense.
Buying a replacement Stetson from the nearby hat salesman, Rarity started walking back towards Applejack, proceeding to explain, “I know why the map called you here.”
“You do?” Applejack asked while Rarity levitated the new Stetson onto her head.
Rarity continued with her explanation, “If Twilight had used her magic to fix the park, it wouldn’t have solved the real problem, which is that these Manehattan ponies didn’t think they had time to do something for their community. But by building that stage and making sure the play went on, you showed them just by doing something small, you can make a big difference!”
Applejack motioned with her hoof, exclaiming, “Well, I’ll be!”
Rarity, in the meanwhile, pointed a hoof at Applejack’s chest, “It means you have more in common with Manehattan ponies than you thought~.”
Applejack chuckled, “Well, all the same, I’d sure like to head back to Ponyville on the next train. I want to check in with Apple Bloom and find out how the Sisterhooves Social turned out.”
Rarity, voicing her approval, “Oh, absolutely my dear,” Rarity’s eyes quickly shrunk as she caught onto a new fashion emergency, “Just as soon as I stop that pony in that shop over there from purchasing that dreadfully hideous scarf! STOP!”
Rarity ran towards said pony, only for said pony to use that dreadfully hideous scarf and flap it around her face awkwardly. Which certainly seemed childish for a stallion of his gigantic stature.
“What? But the yarn of this scarf is perfect!” Motioning to his violet torso and his brown spiky hair, “And the green and yellow motif goes perfectly with both my coat and mane! Are you sure, you know your fashion sense, lady?”
While the gigantic pegasus did have a lovely Trottingham accent, Rarity could not let such a ruffian deplore her sense of fashion, especially when it seemed he had none of his own! “Why, I, at the very least know a hideous scarf when I see it, which you, sir, clearly do not!”
At this point Applejack had caught up, hoping that the two would finish arguing soon, and for the stallion to eventually give up as they almost always do, the pegasus continued, “Well, we don’t always have to follow other ponies’ stupid opinions, plus I need an accessory.” What came next came to a shock for everypony, as the stallion touched the scarf, and it produced sparks of electricity from absolutely nowhere! “What? Rarity, you saw that too, right?”
As Rarity nodded, the stallion sweated uncomfortably, “Wait, did you see that?”
“Of course we did, ya doofus.” Applejack eyed him suspiciously, as the stallion clearly didn’t seem surprised. “Would you mind explaining exactly what that lightning stuff was about?”
The stallion back away slowly, in clear discomfort. The mares approached him with suspicion. The shopkeeper stood there with confusion but wanted money for the scarf, and watched as the stallion held up a hoof.
“Wait!” Rarity and Applejack stopped at the stallion’s words. “I can explain! I have one way of showing exactly what I did!”
“Well how are ya gonna do that, sugarcube?” Applejack asked the stallion, watching to see if he made any sudden movements. He merely reached over and paid the shopkeeper the bits, much to Rarity’s silent but extremely noticeable disgust. The stallion put his hoof back towards pointing at the girls and slowly opened his mouth.
“By running the hell away!” The stallion made an instant 180 and galloped down the street faster than anypony of that stature should be physically able to. Rarity and Applejack, recovering from their shock and very small urge to laugh, chased.
Another stallion, with this Earth pony smaller with a brown coat and a short black mane, came around the corner, saying, “Hey, Jojo. I-“
He couldn’t continue however as ‘Jojo’ ran straight past him yelling, “Run away, Smokey!!!”
Smokey, throwing up his hooves for a second before running away himself, exclaimed, “What the hell is wrong with you?! What did you do now, Jojo?!”
“Less talky! More runny!” Jojo sprinted straight through a small group of ponies, even knocking one of the unfortunate colts down.
“I’m so sorry,” Smokey apologized to the knocked down colt while continuing to run. “What did you even do?! You didn’t hit on them or something like that did you?!”
“What?! How would being hit on by me of all ponies make them mad?! Plus they’re not pretty enough to be my type!” Jojo yelled over his shoulder to Smokey, and also his pursuers.
“WHAT?!” Rarity’s shrill voice pierced the air, tempting Jojo to block his ears and stop moving forward, and by the time his mental debate was over, the voice had already passed.
“Oh no! Smokey stop asking me these questions! They’ll just make everything worse!”
“But you’re yelling louder than me, Jojo!”
“That’s not the point here!” Jojo spotted an alley further down the sidewalk, hopefully it would lead to a safe haven so that he wouldn’t have to go through the painstaking process of explanations….oh, and the beatdown that would likely commence due to his previous comment.
“Wait, Jojo! I was asking around and I found the guys we were looking for!” Smokey saw Jojo dart into the alley up ahead.
“They were apparently walking with some mare-“ Smokey fell backwards after colliding with Jojo, who had stopped after turning the corner. Getting up with the sight of Rarity and Applejack in close proximity, Smokey interrupted his previous thought, “Jojo, they’re catching up. I think we need to move…”
“No can do Smokey…because we’ve got bigger problems now…” Jojo pointed his hoof at three ponies that were hovering over an unconscious body of a young girl, one of which seemed to be slumped towards her neck. The shadows of the alley engulfed them however, leaving only their outlines to be visible.
“Oh seriously?! We meet the guys I learned about here?!” Smokey exclaimed, catching the attention of the three dark figures. Jojo took a preemptive step and moved in front of Smokey.
Applejack was the first to turn the corner, and noticing that the two stopped, said, “Why in Equestria are you two even running in the first place?!” Before she could continue, Rarity nudged her in a small sense of fear, which got Applejack noticed the glowing eyes glaring at them from the alley’s darkness.
Smokey, noticing that both Applejack and Rarity were going to become involved, turned to face them to warn them of what would happen soon. “You girls have to get out of here! It’s too dangerous!”
“What, but they haven’t done-“ Rarity started before the three figures simultaneously leaped. Jojo, managed to wrestle two of them back to the ground, but the third had gotten past his guard. “Smokey!”
Smokey wasn’t fast enough to turn around, but Applejack who had still been facing the alley was. And she bucked the leaping stallion back to the ground in front of her. Seemingly unfazed but confused nonetheless, Applejack moved forward, towards the stallion that was still sprawled on the floor. “What are y’all doing? There’s no reason for you to attack us!”
Jojo, pushed back one of the two ponies he was wrestling with, and the hoof he used to push the attacking stallion away started to pulsate with the same spark from before. Jojo used that same hoof to crush the skull of the mare that was still attached to his fore hoof. The sickening crunch from the hoof’s impact as well as the subsequent impact with the wall sprayed blood onto Jojo, and the slightly glowing dent in the strange mare’s head clearly signified her fate.
Rarity and Applejack, who at this point had never witnessed something so horrifying, especially not by another pony like themselves, led to the former screaming in fear and disgust, and the latter writhing with anger towards Jojo. “What in Celestia did you do that for?!!! Did you just kill her for no reason?!”
Before Jojo could answer, the stallion that was hit back by Applejack earlier suddenly jolted and lunged at Applejack’s hoof while he was still on the ground.
“Get back!” Smokey tackled Applejack out of the way, which let the stallion on the floor grapple onto his hoof instead. From the ground, the unnerving stallion flipped all the way around, twisting Smokey’s hoof at an impossible angle.
“GAHH!” Smokey yelled, before the stallion’s flip flung him straight into the wall further down the alley, splitting his skull open to blood. The stallion creepily regained standing posture, and walked towards the severely injured Smokey.
“SMOKEY!” Jojo attempted to run for his friend, only to be stopped by the other stallion he had pushed back earlier. Jojo, in a fit of anger, rammed his electrified hoof straight through the stallion’s head, so that a very visible pocket was made when Jojo removed the hoof. Applejack could only move slowly back towards Rarity, sharing in a traumatized silence, as the stallion slumped to the ground.
Before Applejack could get too far back, Jojo grabbed the Stetson off her head, and charged it with the sparking energy that he was attuned with, and through it towards the other stallion who was already upon Smokey. The hat’s brim sliced through the air with a loud whizzing noise, and cut the unsuspecting stallion’s neck straight off.
Jojo quickly approached Smokey, who was still groaning with pain at his broken hoof and cracked skull. “Smokey, are you okay?!”
“Jojo, I’ll be fine…” Smokey winced, “Thanks for saving me from getting my blood sucked out…again…but first you need to worry about them,” Smokey motioned with his head to the body of the stallion in front of him, “And them.” Smokey looked to the still trembling Applejack and Rarity, still too stunned to speak.
Jojo, following his gaze, could only mutter, “Uhh, umm…well first I need to…” Jojo scratched the back of his head uncomfortable before going to each of the bodies, including the detached head, and charged each one with electricity which caused the remains to become pure dust.
While most ponies that spectate this would have likely ran far, far away by now, figuring the whole event to be a disturbing delusion, Rarity and Applejack have faced life-threatening dangers before, and did not flee. Instead, despite having their trembling of fear, the mares stiffened, prepared if ‘Jojo’ were to attack them next.
Jojo could only sport an uncomfortable grin, “Its fine! Trust me!” Seeing the fear and skepticism in their eyes, Jojo continued, “They’re vampires! The blood-sucking monsters! I just fought some soulless vampires, is all!”
“Jojo…is the mare over there still okay?” Jojo could hear Smokey mutter behind him.
“Oh crap, right.” Jojo rushed over to the unconscious mare that the three vampiric ponies were hovering over earlier. As he inspected the body, Rarity and Applejack attempted to move forward to see if they could do something for the extremely hurt Smokey, although they could only continue their suspicions towards the other duo, particular Jojo.
“Don’t worry, it seems we got lucky and ran into them right before they bit her.” Jojo walked back towards the other three ponies. “Listen, I’ll explain later. But right now, I need to get Smokey back home so the doctor can see him.” Jojo loaded the much smaller Smokey onto his large back. He pointed the sides of his front hooves towards the mares, saying, “Just know that I’m the good guy here, okay?”
As the violet pegasus flew away, Applejack and Rarity exchanged glances, confirming that the recent chain of events did indeed happen. And that they needed to get some answers.
“Are you sure?” Rarity questioned the passerby once more.
The passerby pony, at this point, was getting annoyed, “Yes, your violet boyfriend went that way.” He pointed behind him. Before he needed to get any more lip, the passerby decided to just trot on.
“Boyfriend?! Why, I never-!” Rarity scolded him as he started walking away. Applejack put a hoof onto Rarity’s shoulder to try and calm her down.
“Well, Rarity, ya were pesterin’ him. Why were you doing that anyways? You did the same thing to the last two ponies we asked, too.”
“Well, this part of Manehattan is meant for the elite. The absolute wealthiest of ponies! Not to mention the fact that there aren’t any real hospitals in the area, so why in Equestria would he immediately come here?” Rarity explained as they walked.
“Maybe he-wait, there he is!” Applejack said as they rounded a corner. Jojo was walking backwards, with a pleading expression. “I can’t hear what he’s sayin’ though.”
“Follow me.” Rarity whispered as she led Applejack behind a large bush in the center of the street. After all, wealthy ponies like having flora on their streets, much to the convenience of criminals and in this case, eavesdroppers.
“Oh c’mon, Granny Erina! I took care of the unfriendly neighborhood vampires! Ach!” Jojo exclaimed as a purple umbrella came down upon his head.
“Then why did Smokey get that hurt?!” An elderly pony came the corner and started hitting Jojo into a more private area. As the elderly unicorn looked around for bystanders, Rarity and Applejack ducked out of vision. With no other ponies in sight, Granny Erina continued her assault.
“Oh my Celestia, Applejack. Why is that, that ruffian calling her Granny? She’s Erina Ponington Joestar!” Rarity loudly whispered to Applejack.
“Am ah supposed to know who that is?” Applejack whispered back, looking over to make sure the other ponies didn’t notice.
Rarity gasped, putting extra effort to do so quietly. “Why, she’s one of most wealthy ponies in Equestria! She married into the elite Joestar family and inherited the fortune!” Sighing at Applejack’s blank expression, Rarity continued, “...She’s also a dear friend to Rapid E. O. Speedwagon?”
“Oh, the pony that came up with the train system? And the Speedwagon Foundation thing-a-ma-dooder? Huh, guess ya learn something new everyday.”
Rarity sighed before they continued their eavesdropping. “You almost got a friend killed, Jojo!”
Jojo replied, “He got hurt because to push some stupid mare with an exceedingly dumb hat out of the way!”
As Rarity preemptively calmed Applejack, Erina's expression only became more enraged, as she continued, “So, Smokey got hurt because you got innocents involved! If the Speedwagon Foundation hadn’t already been on standby, who knows what might’ve happened?!”
“It’s not like I can control when vampires come out! I saved their lives and the victim, too! Just please forgive me, Granny Erina!” Jojo pleaded.
Erina sighed, “I suppose that in time I will, you are my grandson, after all, but not right now, Joseph Joestar.”
Jojo cringed as he heard his full name be used, showing how mad Granny Erina was. Before he could say anything else however, a voice screeched behind him.
“HE’S AN ELITE?!” Rarity screamed in surprise.
"Ack, one of them found me! SHOCK!" Jojo immediately responded.
Applejack sighed, and walked into line of sight with Rarity, prompting Jojo to say, "No, they're both here! DOUBLE SHOCK!"
Reeling back from Jojo's exclamation, Applejack looked over to Erina, and explained, “Ah- Ah would say we didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but that would be lying.”
Erina turned to face towards the new company, “Oh, well I at least appreciate your honesty.” Erina’s eyes darted towards Jojo, and she said, “So am I to believe that these are the nice mares you got involved?"
Jojo held his hoof to try and say something, but drooped his head down when he realized he couldn’t think of anything to say but, “Yes.”
“Well, you could at least introduce yourself, before we have to explain everything due to your blunder.” Erina scolded.
Jojo sighed, “Yes, Granny Erina.” He approached Rarity first and shook hooves, before doing so to Applejack. And with a smirk, he finished, “I’m Joseph Joestar.”
“But his friends call him Jojo, so I suggest that you may do the same.” Granny Erina addressed Rarity and Applejack.
As Jojo glanced at Erina with concern and extreme critical prejudice, Rarity introduced herself, “Well, my name is Rarity, and I’m a fashion designer at Ponyville who would absolutely love your company, Miss.”
“Oh, how sweet.” Granny Erina commented before suddenly gaining a suspicious look, as if she remembered something from the back of her mind and she was trying to place what it is.
“And my name is Applejack.” Applejack introduced before continuing, “And if you don’t mind, Ah would love some explanations right about now.”
Jojo thought to himself, ‘Granny Erina just give them something so that they go away… you know, so random ponies don’t need to get involved! Especially ones who annoy me about their bad sense of fashion!’ Looking over to Erina, Jojo’s eyes lost that hope as soon as he saw her smiling face. ‘Wait, is she actually going to explain things?
That question was answered as Erina clapped her fore hooves together, before saying, “Oh, how wonderful! I’m glad my suspicions were correct!” Considering the confused looks on everypony’s faces, Erina looked over to Jojo, and continued with a slight scowl, “Jojo, have you already forgotten about the Elements of Harmony?”
“Whaaaaaat?! They’re the chicks who saved Equestria a whole bunch already?!” Jojo held his front hooves to his face. Which caused him to fall over awkwardly as he lost his balance without the support of said front hooves.
Applejack looked to Rarity who had a similarly surprised face. “You know about us? But ah thought Princess Celestia kept our names secret... Other than Twilight, anyway.” Looking over to Jojo, who was still on the floor, crawling around for some bizarre reason, Applejack couldn’t help but ask, “Err, do you need some help there?”
“No.” Jojo continued crawling around the floor, with exasperation and annoyance flowing through him. It was eventual that he had to meet the ex-Elements of Harmony at one point, but Jojo certainly didn’t want it to happen so soon. Because that meant more work. And if one word could ruin his mood, it would be work.
“Oh, Speedwagon and I are close friends of Princess Celestia. But we do have a relationship more than just that, Celly wouldn’t give out precious information just to close friends.” Erina explained.
“C-Celly?” Rarity couldn’t help but voice her confusion.
“Yes, we do share the same political agendas, as well as helping to protect Equestria.” Erina continued. Taking a moment to look behind Applejack and Rarity, Erina took on a look of impatience. “Jojo, please refrain from tying the nice mares’ tails together.”
Applejack and Rarity both quickly turned around, their tails separating after being on the verge of being tied together. As Rarity began to tend to her tail’s style, Applejack couldn’t help but wonder how they didn’t even notice Jojo tying their tails together in the first place. Joseph looked towards his grandmother, completely ignoring her previous comment and groaned, “We don’t really need to tell them anything, right? Their work can be their work, and I can do my own thing!”
Granny Erina sighed, “Jojo, I’m sure you already knew that you needed to join Celestia’s personal unit, you are one of the greatest assets to Equestria, after all.”
“A-Asset?” Rarity questioned, mimicking her earlier confusion, and sharing a skeptical look with Applejack as to how Jojo could be so important.
Much to Jojo’s annoyance, Erina continued to explain, “Just like how you have your harmony powers, my grandson is one of the few in the world that can use Hamon, a specialized form of breathing that very few possess.”
“Yeah, so I’m an Element of Hamon-y.” Jojo was happy to hear Applejack and Rarity groan, but quickly silenced him from Granny Erina’s glare. Jojo then thought to himself, ‘Granny’s really glaring a lot today, hope she doesn’t get too many wrinkles…’
“Ignore him.” Erina coldly stated, and continued her explanation as Jojo inwardly took back his previous thought. “All that you require to know is that there are a lot of things in this world that even you have yet to face, or even know. And Hamon is one of the premier ways of stopping them. After all, we can’t always have you on standby throughout Equestria for every individual struggle. Jojo has been to almost every corner of Equestria in order to protect ponies.”
“More like you, Speedwagon, and Celestia kinda force it on me.” Jojo sighed. “Luna’s the only one who’s on my side.”
‘L-Luna?’ Applejack and Rarity simultaneously thought. ‘Do these ponies know the entire royal family?’
“Oh, I thought you preferred the presence of Cadence or Shining Armor, less of an age differential there. Luna's often the one to assign you your missions after all.” Erina sidetracked.
‘They do….’ Applejack and Rarity once again thought in synchronization.
“Well-“ Jojo started before a pony called from beyond the corner that they had previously came from.
“Miss Erina! You have a message!” A butler came around, surprised to find more company than he had expected. Nonetheless, he hoofed over the letter to Erina, and whispered in her ear, “It was just sent.”
Standing over his master, the butler observed as Erina opened the letter and started reading. Jojo started scowling as he saw his grandmother’s expression turn to one of worry.
Erina looked over to Applejack, “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’ll have to cut this conversation short.” Switching her focus to Jojo, Erina said, “Speedwagon found that there’s a massive herd of vampires coming from the Griffon Kingdom. However, we don’t know where they’re headed…”
“I’ll contact the Speedwagon Foundation and see if we can’t coordinate with them. I won’t be able to travel to wherever they’re going in time if they show themselves first.” Jojo started moving, but Erina held a hoof out.
“You know just as well as I do that if Speedwagon sent this message, they won’t be able to find them unless we’re exceptionally lucky. They won’t let themselves be revealed so easily. We only need to wait.”
Jojo clenched his hoof, before saying, “I can’t just sit here though, I can at the very least get to Canterlot, and be in a more central location to get to anyplace I need to be.”
“We have a map.”
Jojo indifferently looked to Applejack. “I have a map, too. In fact, I have one in my head since I basically memorized Equestria.”
“No, ah mean we got a map that shows problems in Equestria!” Applejack elaborated.
“But, I thought you only got the map a short while ago, do you understand how it works?” Erina asked.
“But at the same time, it couldn’t hurt too much to at least check, right? Canterlot’s real close to Ponyville, anyways.” Applejack pointed out.
“Hmm, I suppose you are correct about that. Jojo.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. I’m going with them. Oh goodie.” Jojo said with an exhausted tone.
“The next thing you’re going to say is ‘Fold.’” Jojo begrudgingly sighed, shuffling his hoof over the chips they were playing for. Oh, and they’re actual potato chips, with the broken pieces being worth appropriately as much.
“Fold…Wha?” Applejack laid down her cards and surrendered three full chips and two half chips to Jojo, leaving her with only one of the full chips in her reserves. “How’d you know that?”
“You really live up to the whole Element of Honesty thing. You have a crappy poker face.” Jojo added to his chip collection, casually stealing one to eat himself. While this wouldn’t normally be allowed in poker...that involved edible chips, it was only hurting Joseph in terms of the game, and he was hungry. “Well, I said both of you could work together to try and beat me, but I guess that didn’t really work out.”
Jojo eyed Rarity as she came back with a tea she ordered from the dining car. “I suppose both of you live up to your titles, Element of Generosity gave up her chips way too easily.” Jojo chuckled.
“I’d suggest avoiding the insults…Mr. Joestar. It’s unseemly.” Rarity glared at Joseph, before her gaze shifted downwards. “Almost as much as that scarf.”
“You’re still going on about that?” Jojo sighed before grabbing three potato chips and flinging them towards that center of the table. “Raise.”
Joseph blinked as he realized something and pointed a hoof at Rarity. "Wait, does Speedwagon serve tea in pouches?"
Rarity, looking down at her small silver-colored tea pouch, answered, "This was Speedwagon's idea?" Joseph slammed his hoof into his face.
Meanwhile, Applejack was glancing towards her remaining potato chips, with exactly three of her own left in her possession. Looking at her newly dealt hand, she wondered if having two pairs, queens and jacks was enough. It normally would be enough, but in the round where Rarity was knocked out, they lost a full house to a five aces using the joker…and Applejack was still unsure how he cheated, if he did cheat.
Joseph yawned, staring outside the window in boredom. Last night, the two mares that sat across from him ended up spending a night at the Joestar manor, and Joseph was up all night protesting. On the train ride, he offered the information that they seemed to want if they could beat him in a game, and when Applejack suggested poker, Joseph thought that she might be good...for a moment. While Applejack was certainly better than the average poker player, Joseph didn’t even need to bother cheating to win against her, and even got lucky enough to get five aces as a hand on the first deal of the round. And they didn't really know how to bet either...
"I’m going to get something to drink.” Jojo got up from his seat and started shuffling into the aisle.
“Oh, ya sure? Ah might look at your cards.” Applejack stared leaning over the table, making the motion to grab his cards with her hoof.
“It’s a full house, with three two’s and two five’s.” Jojo blatantly stated, as he opened the train car door. “I would care…but for some reason I really don’t…you want anything?”
“I’m good.”
“Ah could get some apple juice, if ya don’t mind, that is.”
“You’re really taking the whole apple thing seriously, huh.” Jojo said.
When Jojo walked out of the train car, Applejack put down her cards, waiting to make her move when her opponent was around.
“He’s probably lying, you know.” Rarity said, putting down her cup after taking a small sip of tea.
“Nah, he’s probably not.” Applejack glanced towards his cards, face down on his side of the table. “Ah doubt he could care about losing three chips. He has nine, err… five still.”
“Well, why don’t I just check how badly he’s lying then?” Rarity dragged Joseph’s cards towards her and off the table so that they would fall nicely into her hoof. “After all, he’s been lying to us for the whole game…oh, he’s not lying.
Rarity looked at Joseph’s cards, with them being exactly as how he said they were. Sighing, Rarity placed Joseph’s cards back on his side of the table before slouching back into her chair.
“Hey, you girls are alone, aren’t you?”
Jojo took a step over the connector between the dining car and his, attempting not to spill his open pouch drinks. When the stewardess handed him two drink pouches, he opened the first one she handed him, assuming it was the cola he ordered, only to smell the strong scent of apple. As he made his way back, Joseph inwardly swore that he needed to complain about how Speedwagon served almost all of his drinks in pouches. Who the heck puts soda in pouches?!
Clutching the drink close to his chest with one front hoof, Jojo carefully used a wing to open the door to his car, as to not lose his balance. Joseph felt relieved when he finally stepped inside, and proceeded to close the door again with his other wing. And then he found some weird blue Earth pony with an eyepatch sitting in his seat.
“Oh, are you the guy sittin’ here? I hope you don’t mind at all, right buddy.” The Earth pony got up and greeted Jojo by nudging him in the shoulder a couple of times, causing Joseph to almost lose his grip of his beverages. “The name’s Con Hoof, so don’t wear it out, buddy.”
“Say…can I get wallet back?” Joseph took a break before continuing by sipping his cola through a straw, before gaining a look of anger.
‘I swear to Celestia, Speedwagon. Why do I have to suck cola through a straw?!’
While Rarity and Applejack looked momentarily confused, Con laughed. “Oh, you saw through that pretty easy, huh! I was gonna give it back~ honest, buddy!” Con once again proceeded with the infernal shoulder nudging. “Don’t be so mad!”
‘Not why I’m mad though…’ Joseph thought, as he was handed back his remarkably unremarkable wallet back.
Con leaned over and whispered, or at least his version of whispering which was basically normal volume, “Say, which one are you dating, buddy? It couldn’t possibly be that you’re just friends with such pretty girls when you look like that, right?”
Joseph uncomfortably shuffled himself around the talking obstacle that seemed to actually have a mouth, and slid the apple juice pouch in Applejack’s general direction while speaking without directly looking at Con, “Not at all...we’re not even friends.”
“But could you get out of here? You’re starting to annoy me, since you’re being a real creep, buddy.” Joseph turned to meet with a fake smile underneath a judging gaze.
Con, however, simply shrugged it off and carried himself right next to Rarity, placing his hoof over her shoulder in one fell motion, much to her disgust. As Rarity levitated his hoof away and slid herself more towards Applejack, Con kept talking, “Aww, seriously? But I was having fun, buddy!”
Con licked his lips before looking back at Joseph, and mentioned, “Hey, you’re kinda clutching your drink a bit tightly, it’ll spill out, buddy.”
The girls looked down at Joseph’s cola pouch, seeing the Hamon sparks flying around it, confirming that most ponies are unable to see, or at least unaware, of the visual representation of Hamon energy. The sparks started to straighten out Joseph’s bendy straw as well.
“The next thing, you’re gonna say is ‘My nose!’”
As Con tilted his head in confusion, Joseph’s now straight straw shot like a bullet straight to the space between Con’s nostrils and impaled itself there, spurting out a small amount of blood. “Gah! My nose!”
Before he could react to being read, Con got up and quickly scurried away to get his own nose treated, and pulled out the straw which only made the blood situation worse. Joseph picked up the bloody straw off the ground and threw it down onto the table to throw away later.
“Wasn’t that a bit harsh?” Applejack questioned.
“In all honesty, yes, I’m tired and he was pissing me off. Wasn’t he annoying you, too?”
“That’s beside the point.” Rarity said, her gaze distracted by the disgusting straw that remained on the table.
Joseph sighed, and drank the remainder of his carbonated beverage. “Well, sorry I’m not exactly being generous today. I just really don’t want to go to Ponyville…”
“What, ya have something against our town or somethin’?”
“Not something…somepony.”
“Who might-“ Rarity was cut off as the train whistle screamed throughout the cabin, prompting the small amount of ponies that were getting off in Ponyville to stand up and crowd around the exit.
Joseph got up without saying another word further and dragged himself into the rushing crowd of ponies, determined to make sure to take a look at the map and get this over with.
“Err…about that.”
Joseph turned back to look at Applejack with strained eyes, “What exactly do you mean?”
“Well, the map, uh, kinda shows us to friendship problems that need to be solved, we just figured that we could convince you to let us help by now…” Applejack confessed.
“…So you wasted my time? Well, at least that explains why your friend left.” Joseph let out a deep sigh and slumped in annoyance. “Great.”
Joseph started walking away, his movements clearly slower with the recent revelation, in the general direction of pony activity and movement.
“Uh, where ya going there?”
“Food. I’m hungry. You need to go somewhere too, right? You spent an extra day in Manehattan, after all. In my house.” Joseph answered without turning back.
“Well, Ah’m not sure that much could’ve happened in an extra day.” Applejack said.
“Really? Since it seems like some foals got their cutie marks.”
“What? How can ya tell?” Applejack asked as she rushed herself to start walking beside Joseph.
“Because there are two kids yelling it over there.” Joseph pointed over to the square. “And now they’re coming over here. Yay."
“Applejack, there ya are! We’ve been looking all over for you!” Applebloom yelled.
“Yeah! Sweetie Belle already met up with Rarity!” Scootaloo added.
“You won’t believe what just happened!” Applebloom and Scootaloo yelled in unison.
“You got yer cutie marks?”
“WE GOT OUR CUTIE MARKS!” Applebloom and Scootaloo turned to show off their new accomplishments.
'Huh, they match? That's actually kinda cool...' Joseph thought to himself.
“And we need to have a party now!” Pinkie added.
Joseph stumbled back, at the very sudden appearance of a pink Earth pony to the conversation, without any registration of her being there before.
Pinkie’s eyes drifted over to Joseph, and the instant her eyes saw him was the instant that she was right in front of him. “Oh my gosh! We need to have four parties! One for each cutie mark, and a new pony party!”
“Uh, don’t worry about that! I won’t be staying long after all.” Joseph protested.
“Nope, doesn’t matter! We’re having a party!”
“Uh... alrighty then.” Joseph said, willing to go with the tempo set by Pinkie. “But do you know somewhere that has some good food?”
“Did you want to have the party in a restaurant? But then they might not fit everyone!”
“No no, I just was hoping to get something to eat.” Jojo quickly said, exasperated, as he noticed more ponies were coming towards them in celebration. Cutie marks were something that were universally celebrated no matter the part of Equestria, and Jojo didn’t want to be in a crowd just in case he saw an unpleasant face.
“Oh, look! Something distracting!” Joseph yelled while pointing in a random direction.
“Where?!” Pinkie followed his hoof, with the only thing in that direction being Gummy who was sitting on the windowsill of Sugar Cube Corner. And then she saw a rainbow cutting through the sky right towards her. “Wow, that is distracting!”
Landing flawlessly, Rainbow Dash embraced Scootaloo in a hug. “I heard you got your cutie mark, squirt! I’m so happy for you right now!”
While Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo exchanged friendly greetings, Joseph made his way through the crowd of ponies, almost at his exit. And then he heard Applejack yell behind him.
“Hey, where ya going?!” Applejack could spot Joseph in the crowd as he was the only one moving in the opposite direction.
Deciding not to look back, Joseph could feel the ponies around him slightly disperse. He knew that it was because they didn’t want to be confused with who Applejack was talking about, but he still tried to take his chance and escape!
“Hey, don’t ignore her!” Rainbow Dash said as she made her way to block Joseph’s path. And blink.
“The next thing you’re going to say is, “Joseph?! Why are you here?!”
“Joseph?! Why are you here?! AND YOU’RE STILL DOING THAT, YOU BASTARD!”
“Shh, there are children here, Dash. There really is something wrong with you.” Joseph scolded mockingly.
Joseph staggered back as he saw Rainbow Dash’s head come forward, her expression exuding anger. This continued for around half of an awkward second before the silence was broken.
“So, should I add a reunion party to the list, too?”
All that Joseph could see was her magenta pupils. He didn’t even have to be the genius that he was to know that Rainbow Dash was already upset with him just for being here.
‘Why in Equestria do you have to be here, dammit?!’ Rainbow Dash’s eye twitched. A stallion she absolutely hated, one that she thought she would never need to meet again was standing right in front of her…And suddenly, he had the gall to look away?!
“Ahem…everypony, I’d like you all to run away now. What we have on our hooves is a very rabid creature that can only be quelled with a race, a puzzle that isn’t very complicated that she would still not solve, or an absurd amount of ice cream. Mint chocolate.” Joseph addressed the crowd of ponies, once here to celebrate cutie marks, but now admittedly enjoying the spectacle of one of the town heroes in a fit.
‘That is actually her favorite flavor…’ Applejack thought on the side. While an argument began to sprout up, Applejack ready to step in if things became a bit more violent, her ear flickered as she heard two ponies approaching. Flicking her head over, Applejack watched as Rarity ad Sweetie Belle approached, curious as to what was happening.
“Err, why are Joseph and Rainbow Dash arguing?” Rarity stopped herself before raising a hoof to her chin in thought. “Actually, this might’ve happened nonetheless…”
“And where are Apple Bloom and Scootaloo?” Sweetie Belle interjected, bouncing up a little as if she wanted to be heard more clearly.
Applejack looked around frantically, before coming to the conclusion that the two foals were already gone. “They were just here a second ago…”
“They went thattaway!” Pinkie pointed a hoof towards the closest edge of town, before her head drooped and she began to click her hooves together. “And Dashie didn’t want the reunion party…”
“No no, I think the bigger problem is the giant jerk that’s standing in front of me!” Rainbow Dash could feel a vein pop. And then she got a tip of a hoof pointed in her face.
“Dash, you’re supposed to face the audience! And here I thought you actually wanted to be famous!” Joseph mocked by pointing to the crowd of spectators before shrugging his shoulders. “But I suppose every egotistical jerk is all talk, huh?!” Joseph enunciated his last word by thrusting his head forward.
“Wait, wait, wait. I’m the egotistical jerk here?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, to which Joseph promptly nodded. “Have you ever looked in a mirror, at all?!”
“Yes I have. And I’m very sexy!” Joseph said, before taking a sideways glance at Rainbow Dash. “Which is much less than I can say for you.”
“Are you kidding me?! I think you need to get your eyes checked!” Rainbow Dash stomped a hoof menacingly. Applejack thought that she probably should walk over right about now.
“Oh, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, where’d you girls go?” Sweetie Belle asked, prompting a curious Applejack to turn beside her.
“We went to go get somepony.” Scootaloo replied. “Didn’t think I’d hear Rainbow Dash swear in front of me, though. Another surprising thing that happened today, huh?”
“You think?! That’s a first for you! How’s it feel to actually think for once?!” Joseph countered. “I hope it doesn’t hurt too much.”
“Oh, I think somepony else is about to be a lot more hurt!” Rainbow Dash said, wings flared in anger. Joseph, meanwhile pointed towards Rainbow Dash again.
“The next thing you’re going to say is-“
“Excuse me. Would you both stop fighting?”
Both Joseph and Rainbow Dash froze. They knew where this conversation was going to head as Joseph felt a sweat dripping down the side of his face. As he heard hoofsteps walking from the direction of the crowd, Joseph intentionally tried to avert his gaze. However, it was to no avail.
Fluttershy already got in front of him. And she was mustering whatever frustration she had to pout her cheeks.
“L-listen, Fluttershy…I didn’t mean anything by it! I swear!”
“Jojo, you shouldn’t be yelling at Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy said, with a slight elevation in her voice. “You’re going to bother everypony! You already have!”
Applejack and Rarity exchanged glances meanwhile, surprised that Joseph pulled a miracle. Fluttershy was being assertive in public!
“How’d you know to get Fluttershy, anyways?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Well, remember when we heard everypony’s cutie mark stories?” Scootaloo chimed.
“Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash knew each other as kids, so maybe she knew Joseph, too?” Apple Bloom finished.
“But why’d you think Fluttershy could stop them from arguing…oh wait.” Sweetie Belle blinked in realization.
It was at this point that Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, made her entrance. But since it’s far from the most interesting thing going on, your narrator’s just going to ignore her.
“Rainbow Dash, you too! Friends shouldn’t be fighting!” Fluttershy directed her glare, which tried to be menacing but it just failed spectacularly. And it made it so much worse…
‘F-Friends?!’ was the thought that everypony present had. Looks were exchanged, just to try and confirm that their hearing did, in fact, work.
“Why don’t we talk somewhere else? Maybe over tea?” Fluttershy asked. After Joseph and Rainbow Dash exchanged disagreeable glances, they both regretfully nodded.
“I can bring cake!” Pinkie said, bouncing over towards Sugarcube Corner, Fluttershy close behind.
Looking upwards to Celestia’s shining sun, Joseph used a hoof to cover part of his vision, before dropping his gaze back to Fluttershy. “The light…it burns….”
“What are you a vampire now?” Rainbow Dash teased before being silenced by Fluttershy again.
“Did they honestly used to be friends?” Applejack questioned to nopony in particular.
“You should probably tell Applejack we actually used to be friends.” Fluttershy smiled, taking a moment to sip a drink of her tea.
Twilight was skeptical. I’m sorry, narrator man couldn’t ignore her. Ha ha. Help me. I might get fired. Oh no!
Taking a look around Sugarcube Corner just fortified Twilight’s thoughts. Pinkie had already reserved the store for her friends and Joseph, which was easy to accomplish when there hadn’t been any customers inside the store. They had all filed out the door when the Cutie Mark Crusaders went around announcing their accomplishment.
The only ones left in the store was Pinkie, who planted her torso onto a chair so she could swing her hooves around for no particular reason. Twilight and Fluttershy had situated themselves on a table of their own, with Twilight getting the background for what was happening from Applejack and Rarity. Both of them had to attend to the celebration for their younger sisters, and Twilight wagered that Rainbow Dash probably would be with them if Fluttershy hadn’t scolded her.
The mare in question was currently glaring daggers at Joseph from the opposite end of the room. While she was drinking her tea, it didn’t seem like Rainbow Dash was going to calm down, if it wasn’t already evident from her constant hoof tapping against the table.
Joseph, on the other hand, was enjoying his spaghetti wholeheartedly. Without any mention, Pinkie brought it over, saying it was leftovers. She offered cake beforehand, but he hadn’t questioned it since his stomach was clearly more important than his curiosity. Mostly.
“The next thing you’re going to say is, “How did you meet then?”
“How did you meet then? Wha?” Twilight confusedly adjusted her chair to get a better angle to look at Joseph. He was just happily eating his tomato pasta.
“Jojo likes doing that. He says it’s his special trick.” Fluttershy explained to Twilight. Twilight’s ear flickered as she heard Rainbow Dash snickering. Joseph had choked for a moment when he heard Fluttershy unintentionally belittle him.
Coughing a little bit, Joseph took a moment to clear his throat loudly. Garnering everypony’s attention, Joseph questioned Twilight, “What pony race is Rapid Speedwagon?”
“Earth pony.”
“Erina Joestar?” Joseph took a moment for himself to think about how weird it was to address his grandmother by her full name.
“Unicorn?” Twilight took a wild stab of a guess, to which Joseph promptly nodded.
“His butler?” Pinkie Pie interjected. Her head popping into the very corner of Twilight’s scope of vision.
“I don’t think she would know that.” Joseph said, leaning over to learn that Pinkie had then situated her torso on the chair opposite his side of the table. “Earth pony, by the way.”
“You know, it’s really annoying when you do this kinda roundabout reasoning.” Rainbow Dash voiced her opinion. Looking over to Twilight, Rainbow Dash continued, “Basically, he was a classmate at Cloudsdale. End of the story.”
“Rainbow…” Fluttershy whimpered.
“Hey, he’s the one that’s being annoying!” Rainbow Dash protested, pointing a hoof over in Joseph’s direction. Sighing, Fluttershy turned back to Twilight. Before the conversation could continue, Twilight watched as a sparking straight spaghetti noodle shot across the store and bopped Rainbow Dash on the head.
“D-did you just?” Rainbow Dash grumbled as she grabbed the tea bag that she used and threw it towards Joseph. When it landed in his big bushy hair, Rainbow Dash pumped a hoof in success. Direct hit!
Since it wasn’t an interaction like a past bully, Twilight accepted the fact that they might’ve been past friends. Nonetheless, she was still curious about what exactly happened.
“So, when did you girls stop being friends, then?” Twilight questioned, earning a look from Joseph.
“Hey, I’m not a girl over here, dammit!” Joseph exclaimed, pointing his hoof at Twilight. He had dislodged the tea bag from his hair earlier, but he was still in the process of drying his mane out, so droplets of tea had sprung out.
“Really? Because I remember when Fluttershy’s mom made you put on a dress.” Rainbow Dash smiled as Joseph flinched back in embarrassment. Rainbow Dash’s expression became irritated as she mentioned, “I think we stopped being friends because this jerk decided to draw on my face right before a tournament! In permanent marker!”
“What?!” Joseph dropped his fork to slam his hoof onto the table. “That was only because you embarrassed me in front of my crush! And I finally got to ask her out, too!”
“Oh please!” Rainbow Dash threw her hooves at Joseph, falling back into her chair before crossing her hooves. “We both know you had a crush on Fluttershy.”
As both Joseph and Fluttershy blushed, Rainbow Dash slumped back onto the table, resting her chin of her hoof. Joseph, in turn, got up and slammed the table again, causing Pinkie to fumble around with the colored pencil she was using. Taking a moment’s glance, Joseph could see bold words at the top of the paper that said: Party Plans.
“Well, maybe it was the time you wanted to go adventuring and left me in a pit for an hour!” Joseph said, making Rainbow Dash also get up herself.
“Hey, it’s not my fault that you ended up playing hero! Plus that was after you gave me a drugged soda right before one of my races! I was in the bathroom, for like an hour!”
“I told you to drink it once you got home! You were the one complaining about your stomach all day, and that you didn’t want to take any medicine for it! What about the time that I almost drowned in rainbow fluid because you wanted to race in the factory, huh?! My mane was even dyed and everypony kept joking that I looked like your brother!”
Before either of them realized, they were already close enough to be stabbing each other with their hooves. Twilight wanted to speak up, but every chance was dashed away by the next pony. Fluttershy, on the other hoof, was contemplating when exactly they did start arguing anyway.
“You would be cooler if you were my brother! You tried to show off too, and I couldn’t even catch you in time! And remember Nightmare Night! When you made me dress up in a wedding gown! Because you dressed up as a secret agent, I never stopped hearing about that!”
“You needed a costume, and I thought one of Granny Erina’s dresses would be fine! I hated it too, you know! And there was a time you physically bet me in a gamble and lost! Why didn’t you just let me take over?!”
“I can do stuff on my own! You even made Fluttershy cry!”
“That was an accident! And what about when you got me arrested?!”
“Quiet! Both of you!” Twilight finally voiced her opinion. However, before she could continue scolding them, Fluttershy could be heard clapping her hooves together.
“I remember!” Fluttershy said. Both Joseph and Rainbow Dash rushed in front of her, curious whose fault it was.
“Seriously?!”
“What happened? And don’t make it a story.” Rainbow Dash pleaded.
“Well…it started when…” Fluttershy began to trail off.
“Oh no…it’s a story!” Joseph complained as he cradled his head using the flat side of his right fore hoof.
“Yay, another season five flashback!” Pinkie chimed in, garnering looks from everypony that wasn’t about to do a boatload of reminiscing.
Three foals were taking flight alongside one another. One pegasus was notably slower than the other two, but at one's very first glance, it wasn’t nearly as certain. The only male pegasus among the three, sporting a pair of goggles and a goofy bomber hat while he was in flight, had matched his flight speed in consideration for the slower pegasus girl. As such, none of them was being unintentionally ostracized for being slow, even with the final member of the group constantly looping around them in circles, likely out of sheer boredom.
“Dash. You’re making us…” Joseph took a moment to take a deep yawn, closing his eyes as he felt tears well up when he opened his mouth. “…Dizzy.”
Twirling around, making a show of herself stopping her constant looping, Rainbow Dash spun herself around to start flying right in front of Joseph’s flight path. “Hey, that fancy lightning powers of yours, why don’t you tell me how to use it already?”
“Because I’m fairly certain I barely know how to use it myself.” Joseph replied, slapping himself softly with his own hoof in an attempt to wake himself up.
“Then it’s, like, special to you, right? Aww, that kinda stinks... Well, you could become a hero, you know? Like in one of the comics you’re carrying around.” Rainbow Dash said, glancing towards Joseph’s saddlebags where the aforementioned comics were likely carried.
“And maybe you could write a book about all the nice things you’ve done?” Fluttershy slyly put in her input, flying closer to her friends as more pegasi gathered around them.
“Books? Seriously, Fluttershy? He would be too busy doing-“ Rainbow Dash was interrupted, as Joseph whacked her on the head, with one of the comics he had taken out.
Opening the comic, one titled ‘Baoh’, Joseph said while not bothering to look away from his comic, “We’re here, Dash.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Rainbow Dash begrudgingly stated as the three of them shuffled into Cloudsdale Sky Park.
From the name alone, Cloudsdale Sky Park could be imagined as an amusement park. However, it is actually the very first building that was ever built by the Cloudsdale city, with its residents pitching into its creation. Some ponies consider it to be the flagstone for the entire city. Cloudsdale Sky Park has often been considered as the center of the city, leaving it prime for political debates/announcements, parties, and even casual meetings between friends.
And it is here where one Rapid E. O. Speedwagon was going to make an adventurous claim. To build an antenna to pinpoint the moving city of Cloudsdale at all times, and propose a system to have other major cities to be on a regular routine for being responsible for providing Cloudsdale with enough water for the rainy seasons. Beforehand, it was a massive rush for any city Cloudsdale happened to be near to provide water from their reservoirs, and rainy seasons were often late. However, with new unicorn magic, and ground-based sensors using Earth pony ideas, it was truly a way for even a city of pegasi to be connected to all three pony races.
Currently, Speedwagon was meeting with an old friend backstage.
“Thank you for coming, Rainbow Blaze.” Speedwagon exchanged greeting and a hoof with a blue pegasus slightly larger than his own frame, with his mane being his prominent feature. It was rainbow-colored, after all.
“Please call me Blaze, you always do this…we’ve known each other long enough, Rapid.” Rainbow Blaze responded. “I’m not even a political official, there’s no need.”
“Please. There’s always a need for old friends.” Speedwagon let out a small smile and a light chuckle. “Plus you’re far too young for me to consider that appropriate.”
“Dad!”
Rainbow Blaze turned around, already prepared to grasp the flying Rainbow Dash straight above him, letting her do a small loop before letting her down right in front of him. Patting her head, Rainbow Blaze said, “Hey, squirt. Nice to see you made it.”
“Even if we had to drag her kicking and screaming.” Joseph added, placing a hoof between the comic’s pages to remember where he was. Not that he really needed it. “Speedwagon, how exactly are you even standing on clouds anyway?”
“I took the liberty of asking one of my foundation's unicorns to enchant me with a cloud-walking spell. I believe he's walking around the city now, but he may be back later, hopefully he won't be knocked out, rendering the enchantment useless. Heh.” Speedwagon sighed, looking worriedly at his hooves on the south , before taking a mental head count. “I thought you were going to bring three of your friends, Jojo?”
“Oh…Gilda couldn’t make it.” Fluttershy stated. Inwardly, she was glad for it as Gilda had become much more rambunctious and adventurous ever since meeting Dash.
“Yeah. She said something about not liking fancy pony food.” Joseph resumed his reading, eager to see the adventures of Baoh. Gilda was a topic of interest for Joseph, just predicting how she would end up in the future considering her rapid 180 in her personality. But, this was not a time Joseph wondered, nor remembered to.
“Well. Either way, there’s plenty of food to go around.” Speedwagon tilted his head towards the refreshments. While Joseph seemed uninterested, Rainbow Dash was starving and after making a pleading look, her dad allowed her to get some sustenance.
Taking a seat, flipping another page of his comic, Joseph sighed. “I guess I should probably go with her…she could honestly get herself in trouble in an atmosphere like this.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that.” Rainbow Blaze said, garnering Joseph’s attention. “Fluttershy already excused herself to do just that.”
“She did? Alright then.” Joseph questioned, Rainbow Blaze noticing Joseph’s voice wasn’t exactly as monotonous as it has been.
Remembering something, Rainbow Blaze started shuffling through his own saddlebags.
“Anyway, I’d like to thank you for putting up with my daughter for so long.” Rainbow Blaze said. Before Joseph could wave it off and make a witty remark, Rainbow Blaze already hoofed over a comic, along with an accompanying volume.
“What? But this is?!” Joseph stammered. Making sure to read the entirety of the cover, Joseph confirmed it was an edition of ‘Detective Trap’ that he hadn’t yet read, and the volume featured a collection of the most recent ones that he had read.
“I heard from Dashie that you read this one a lot. My friend’s an editor for the Jump Comics publisher so they managed to sneak me a few advance copies. Thought you might like it.”
“I-I can’t really thank you enough…I can help you repay the favor-“
“It’s a gift. You don’t have to.” Rainbow Blaze interrupted Joseph before he could try and make it more of a trade.
“Blaze!” A voice hollered from the corner of Joseph’s vision. He was almost tempted to yell back and say ‘Shut it!’ but was unable to do so as Blaze himself had already made is way over before Joseph could even begin turning his head.
Judging by Blaze’s expression, Joseph gave in. Joseph never really did that… but sighed before looking back upon his newly obtained comic. At least, before he stuffed it back into his saddlebag along with the larger volume.
A good book was something meant to be read in relaxation with a light peering over your shoulder. Certainly not at some stuffy party where Joseph was on his lonesome backstage in his own little corner of the universe.
Joseph liked it better that way. Most of the time, interactions with others just wasn’t really worth it. Either they spoke in a demeaning tone just because he was a child or just because it was odd for a stallion of his age to be so particularly tall, even if he could predict a majority of what they would do… or they would speak in a very friendly and sweet manner. The latter sickened him far more, boredom included.
Joseph always thought to himself, ‘Why bother? I already know how the conversation would go anyway.’ He even only hung around Dash just because she was impulsive and seriously enjoyed dragging him around. Especially when he could get her out of so many messes.
He would die before he admitted it was actually kinda fun.
Staring back into the pages of ‘Baoh’, an issue he had read before when the issue came out yesterday, but the message really stuck to him. One of the side characters had died in the latest issue because of acting reckless towards a villain that constantly acted like a joking idiot. And then that idiot managed to lay out one of the most complicated traps that Joseph had even heard of. Joseph couldn’t help but wonder if a detective author helped him write something so convoluted.
Well, Joseph was backstage already. Nice and quiet. Not much reason to not just finish the second reading here. So he might as well.
“B-but that’s impossible…how could you have predicted that I would even charge you into this room?!” Bastion cried. The panel depicted him half-dead with the light in his eyes already fading to a blacker color, but he still had enough energy to scream out in pain, splattering blood.
“Predict? I really don’t think you’re paying attention here. I knew. Why do you think I bothered to make sure to dance us around into a public area? Not because I wanted to really kill any of ‘em. Nah, boss’ll take care of that. But because heroes…wait, I’m sorry, idiots like you put the safety of other people first.”
The large speech was fragmented among several panels, with him slowly dragging Bastion towards the edge of the room they were in. It was only the second story, but even a drop from this height would kill someone so badly injured.
“Hell, I mean-“ Archie shut himself up. For once. “Huh…guess you’re dead already.” The panel depicted the trail of blood Archie left from dragging around Bastion. The ponies in question weren’t even in the picture.
The body was dropped back into frame, as the focus shifted towards Archie, shielding himself from the sun using his hoof.
“Well then. I think I’ll go bother Immini again. She hates the whole bugs that are on fire prank. Or maybe just bugs on fire. Whatever. Let’s go get some sticks.” Archie said flying in the opposite direction of the sun.
A small ‘To Be Continued’ was featured on the bottom of the page. Probably gonna be a page dedicated to Bastion’s death. He was the most popular character in the polls after all.
Joseph couldn’t help but like that cheeky old fart of an author for immediately killing off the most popular character. It’s like he just wanted for the issue to get attention, and purposely give Archie some more sense in the story other than being solely comic relief.
One thing Joseph didn’t really get was how if Archie was, in all likelihood smarter than his own boss, why bother hiding it by acting stupid? The author was known for writing realistic characters, but Joseph just dismissed that fact as Archie’s just some character in one of his books.
Joseph rubbed his eyes again. He probably was gonna need to apologize for reading a comic through whatever Speedwagon was talking about. Again. Reading an issue like that again, even if he read some of it before coming here, probably would’ve taken around half the time of the event.
Wait a minute. Speedwagon was supposed to be talking right now. By Joseph’s mental calculations, the speech should’ve started mere minutes ago.
Perhaps Joseph couldn’t hear him properly behind the stage. Perhaps it simply started late. Or perhaps when Joseph walked around to the front of the stage, he would get yelled at by an extremely rough-look pegasus with malicious words that were initially meant for Speedwagon.
Joseph certainly didn’t predict the latter. But that’s what he got.
Some large olive-green pegasus, equipped with wing blades that were clearly polished with care, turned his head as Joseph entered his frame of view, but failed to stop his previous outcry against Speedwagon. The only other ponies that were standing were two other pegasi, one looking frantic and a bit skinny with the other one holding an aura similar to that of a well-trained bodyguard. There was also a female unicorn, who was currently tying up ponies, which Joseph assumed to be the ponies that had come to hear all about Speedwagon’s announcement.
“You! Get back there!” The olive green one said. Joseph already figured he was the one in charge with how the other two were positioned around him, probably a pegasus that grew up in a military family if he himself wasn’t trained as well.
Joseph glanced at Speedwagon, who looked back at Joseph with fear and worry. Like the old man even needed to. “Hey. I’m not exactly sure of your business. But it seems to me that your business is with Speedwagon. You clearly aren’t going to kill the poor old stallion, or you would’ve already done so. Honestly, there’s no reason to mind me. No real reason to bother myself to try and stand up to you lot and possibly get myself killed. I’ll just sit and read if you don’t mind.”
While the military one clearly seemed to be contemplating his words, something Joseph certainly didn’t expect from a larger and angry pegasus, the unicorn was the first to speak. And Joseph noticed that the military one certainly didn’t enjoy her intervention.
“Kid. We’re the Loyalists. Ponies who just want the pony races to stay separate. Especially pegasi! We’re gonna bring back the ideas of old, like Commander Thunderhooves once had! We can’t just let some kid like you wander about! Maybe you could report us to the authorities!”
While Joseph certainly wondered why a unicorn would be in such a group, he also could care less. Especially considering her reasoning was completely unsound. Seating himself in a nearby table, Joseph re-opened ‘Baoh’ to try and assess the situation quickly and determine if anything was even necessary.
Joseph sighed and waved his hoof in their general direction. “Well, I’m certain that your goal will come true. I’m just going to enjoy my comic if you don’t mind. It’s written by a pegasus, after all.” Joseph simply added that last statement to try and spite one of his would-be captors.
Clicking her tongue, the unicorn assailant simply began to individually retie the attending ponies. Well, at least everypony but one, that Joseph could see from his secluded corned with his vision obscured by his comic.
‘Well. It’s not really my problem. Speedwagon can handle it, for now, anyways.’ Joseph refocused his attention to staring intently back into the pages, refusing to let wandering eyes deem him a threat from the very clearly observant military pegasus. Although, said pegasus was currently staring daggers at the unicorn every chance he could get.
Honestly, Joseph was surprised. It was odd when he met criminals, especially ones that actually didn’t bother him or listen to what he was saying. ‘Maybe for a radially conservative folk, they weren’t that bad.’ Joseph mulled over his thoughts as he could hear that military pony barking away at Speedwagon, probably for a ransom or the superior race or whatnot. Nothing really indicated that Joseph would need to further intervene.
At least until Joseph realized that the one pony that the unicorn did not tie was actually going to be used as a direct threat to Speedwagon. And more importantly, that it was Fluttershy.
“Speedwagon~, I hope you do realize that I don’t have empty threats. You will dismantle your receptor in Cloudsdale, as well as the transmitters across Equestria. Or I guess I could just kill this poor foal, although I’m sure assaulting her would make a much bigger impact.” The military pony said, carefully toying with his wingblades around Fluttershy. “Pegasi would grow so much stronger without any outside interference.”
“Said the hypocrite.” Joseph added his sidebar, gathering the attention of what Joseph could only describe as terrorists. Before they would question him, which they undoubtedly would, Joseph explained himself, “You’re going all about the great restoration of the old ways that pegasi would be and how we could build ourselves anew and blah blah, and yet here you are, threatening the life of one of those pegasi you claim to care so much about, much less a young foal with a possibly bright future in the so-called world you want to rebuild.”
The military pony’s expression darkened as he turned towards Joseph. “Well, I suppose you’re right.”
Pushing Fluttershy away with enough force to throw her to the ground at least 5 meters away, the military pony began approaching Joseph. Clearly he wasn’t exactly going to listen to him anymore.
‘Huh. And here I thought he might actually be a bit smarter.’ Joseph said as the military pony approached him. And then he saw something that made him thought the pony was even more stupid than he realized. On his uniform, he seriously had a name tag on it. And it wasn’t like a ‘Hi, my name is Name of the Group Joseph Can’t Care to Remember.’ but his actual name. Hard Case.
However, even with Case almost right in front of Joseph, Joseph’s attention was focused elsewhere. Particularly, the single rainbow-maned blob of a pony he could barely see in the corner of his vision. Even if he only saw the mane, it was easy enough to spot as it was the only mane that was moving and the only mane that was rainbow-colored.
Wait...shouldn’t there be one more?
Before Joseph truly realized the meaning of that, the nervous pegasus cried out, “H-hey, what the heck are you d-doing?!”
With the Loyalists distracted, Joseph could see that the blob from earlier was Rainbow Blaze, and that he was probably trying to make his way over to Fluttershy. She had been whimpering in pain a bit, something probably got fractured when her delicate frame got roughly pushed aside.
Joseph wasn’t surprised. Rainbow Blaze did have that kind of hero personality, even if it were more of a healer right now.
Unfortunately, the assailing ponies apparently didn’t see Rainbow Blaze as simple acting as a medic, but rather an aggressor, since Blaze had been in the general vicinity of the unicorn that had initially tied him up. The bodyguard-type pegasus was immediately on top of Rainbow Blaze, with the wingblade above his neck.
But even with the incredible speed the bodyguard-type moved at...Joseph had to think far faster with his child brain than most adults within the next few life-changing seconds…
On one side, the unicorn had become upset as she thought Blaze tried to attack her, and decided to retaliate. And the bodyguard-type clearly wasn’t aware of the table currently being launched at him. While it wouldn’t normally be a problem if they took each other out, Joseph knew that the wingblade was being pressed into Blaze’s throat and if the bodyguard-type were to be violently thrown off, then the blade would easily leave a deep cut.
On the other side, Rainbow Dash. Stupid Rainbow Dash. She flew out from under a table, probably managed to get herself down there before all the action began and didn’t get herself caught. But as Joseph knew how quickly she thought, and more importantly, how quickly she would react when her father was pinned. But that nervous pony clearly wasn’t nearly as good at reacting.
The nervous pony was caught off-guard by Dash, and fell backwards, with his wings flailing about. Wingblades attached. Now, Rainbow Dash certainly would be able to get to her father otherwise, but judging by the flailing, Dash was on a direct collision course with a rusty wingblade that would definitely do a lot of damage.
Sometimes, Joseph really hated that Dash had to have inherited that hero personality.
But then again, Joseph had already made his choice.
Joseph, using Hamon to straighten out the pages of his closed ‘Baoh’ comic, making its consistency more like a rock than paper. He needed to break. Not cover.
Throwing it similar to the Frisbees he constantly plays with, Joseph used his comic to blunt the flying projectile. Or rather, pony. When the comic collided with Rainbow Dash’s side, likely to leave quite a nasty bruise unfortunately, her trajectory was thrown off as she crashed to the side. The flailing nervous pony didn’t manage to get his wings back under control for a while, but Dash was already out of harm’s way.
Which is much less than Joseph could say about Rainbow Blaze. As he predicted, Blaze was pressuring the massive gash left in the back of his neck after the bodyguard-type was thrown off.
As Joseph stood straight, Case sent a sideways glance at the young pegasus. As a Loyalist, Case would’ve been happy if a young pony like him were to take up his torch. Even if Case already knew it was unlikely.
Speedwagon, who had been observing Joseph, clutched at the rim of his hat. ‘W-was that Hamon?! Did young Joseph inherit it from his grandfather, Jonathan Joestar?!’
Rainbow Dash, at this point fueled by so many emotions that Joseph probably couldn’t keep track of it even if it was the Joseph from eleven years future. Rage. Despair. Worry. Hatred. Loyalty.
Dash, powered by pure adrenaline, shrugged off the pain from Joseph’s attack. She needed to get to her dad. Her guardian. Her hero. Her bastion. Rainbow Blaze was the one who had raised her ever since she was a little filly. He was an ex-professional flier, and now just a simple weather manager, willing to end his career to make sure he always had time for his little girl.
And now? Now, Rainbow Blaze was currently bleeding profusely. Rainbow Blaze was dying.
