In a sudden wave of chaos magic, Discord transforms Equestria, and it is up to Twilight to set things ri- hey, where's she going?
In a sudden wave of chaos magic, Discord transforms Equestria, and it is up to Twilight to set things ri- hey, where's she going?
Twilight wants nothing more than to sleep until everypony stops acting crazy, but the universe has other plans, and she's sent on a quest to set everything back to normal...
Despite the fact that everything can be set back to normal if Discord would just snap his damn fingers!!!
There are two choices to make when your door is practically torn off its hinges by a hyperactive pink pony wielding a sword twice again the size of your body and shouting something in another language:
Option A – Ignore the pink pony and hope her vision is based on movement.
Option B – Confront the pink pony and get involved with whatever situation she had gotten herself into.
Twilight, unfortunately, chose Option B.
“Pinkie, what in the world-?!”
Twilight hugged the book she had been reading close to her chest, seeking to protect it like it was her own child as Pinkie nimbly leapt around the library, swinging the gigantic sword like it was made of papier-mâché.
“Hey, what’s with all the ruckus?” Spike waltzed in from the kitchen wearing a frilly pink apron and oversized oven mitts.
At the sound of his voice, Pinkie paused, poised on one hind leg on top of a coffee table, and turned her head towards him; the sound of a whip cracking accompanied the action.
Spike’s eyes widened and he took a step back fearfully. “Uh… what?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Sky Dragon Kazuma!” Pinkie swung her massive sword in his direction, a look of righteous fury – maybe constipation? – crossing her face. “You killed my parents and left me and my sisters as orphans!”
“I did?”
“For years I’ve trained, competing against my rival and potential love interest, whose father took my sisters and me in the day my parents died. I remember that day well…”
Twilight carefully placed her book in a safe location and approached Pinkie cautiously. She didn’t know what was going on with her friend, but it was strange even by her standards; something could have been seriously wrong.
Wetting her lips nervously, Twilight softly said, “Pinkie? It’s me, Twilight Sparkle. Do you remem-”
Pinkie spun around with another whip crack and Twilight drew back with a squeak. However, Pinkie merely shut her eyes, brow furrowed, and narrated as cherry blossoms blew in from nowhere in particular and a stray breeze ruffled her mane.
“It was raining. Raining cats and dogs. My sisters and I, now parentless and alone in this shattered world, huddled together for warmth and safety. It was at our bleakest hour, did Miyo’s father arrive. He told us about our parents, about how they were the last warriors of the Equine Ranger Forces, who vanquished the evil Sky Dragons ten years ago. They sought peaceful lives after that, but you, Sky Dragon Kazuma, the last of your kind, killed them in cold blood.
“Miyo’s father told us in graphic detail about our parents’ deaths; it was almost as if he was there to see with his own eyes. He took me and my sisters to his home – after washing ketchup from his hooves – and raised us as his own. Miyo, his daughter, was instantly jealous of us, but mostly me because of my skills in the way of Zweihoofing. For a time, we competed for our father’s attention, but it was only-”
“Hey, um, I’m making cookies and I don’t want them to get burnt,” Spike nodded his head towards the kitchen. “Can we continue over a plate or something?”
“Oh, sure, no problem!”
And just like that, Pinkie was back to her cheerful self.
Twilight watched in shock as Pinkie sat down at the coffee table, placed her sword flat on the floor, and reached for a nearby book to read, all while humming pleasantly.
She looked to Spike, who simply shrugged his shoulders, and walked back into the kitchen.
And so Twilight was left to figure out just what in Tartarus was going on. Surely, this was weird even by Pinkie Pie standards?
“Pinkie…” Twilight approached her friend cautiously, very much aware of the huge sword not a hoof’s length away. “Are you… feeling okay?”
“… heart up with sunshine, sunshine…” Pinkie looked up from the book she had been reading, one eyebrow cocked in question. “Hm? Super-duper! I discovered a new type of chocolate this morning; I’ll bring some over later, ‘kay?” She tilted her head. “Why? Do I look sick or something?”
“Uh…” Twilight briefly gave her friend a once-over to confirm – visually, at least – that she was healthy. “No, you look fine, but I can’t help but wonder about the, uh… sword?”
“Oh, you mean Ultimate Heaven Shredder?”
Pinkie laid her book down and stood to heft her weapon so its weight rested against her shoulder. It was as long as two ponies standing head to tail, thicker than Twilight’s foreleg, and was a dull iron grey; the chips and grooves in the metal did little to hide that it was still very sharp. There was a bright red bandana wrapped around the hilt.
“Yeah, I forged it myself from the Iron of the Old Gods; it can cut through air and can only be lifted by one who has the blood of an Equine Ranger.”
Twilight gestured to the blade. “Is that a price tag?”
“Yeah, it-it came out of the smelter like that.” Pinkie stammered as she quickly tore the price tag off.
“And what’s that piece of paper poking out of your mane? Is that a receipt?”
“Summoning Card,” Pinkie quickly tugged the rec- Summoning Card out of her mane and stuffed it into her mouth, cheeks puffing out as she chewed. “Shuper ‘angeroush – ‘ave to ea’ it.”
“O-kay then…” Twilight’s eyes darted back and forth nervously as she sat down at the coffee table before they centred back on Pinkie. “But what I meant is… why are you carrying the sword and why did you barge into my library like that?”
“Because it’s what the main character of Battle Sensei does in the first episode!” Pinkie said with a roll of her eyes. “I mean, duh…”
Twilight shook her head, even more confused. “Who or what is Battle Sensei?”
“You mean you don’t know?”
At that moment, Spike wandered back in with a plate of steaming cookies. After shooting a strange look at Pinkie, he placed the plate on the table and cocked an eyebrow at Twilight.
‘What the buck?’
Twilight shrugged with an exaggerated frown.
‘You got me…’
Either oblivious or uncaring to their silent messages, Pinkie grabbed several cookies from the plate and practically inhaled them, sending crumbs and chocolate chips everywhere.
“Mmm! Thesh are sho good! Thanksh, Shpike!”
“Well, when you have a gift…” Spike said in an ‘oh so humble’ manner. Head held high, he turned and went back to the kitchen. “Next batch should be out soon!”
Twilight rapped her hoof against the table to get Pinkie’s attention. “I’ve been more or less studying for the past three days on how to conduct myself as a princess. Has something happened in the town recently?”
“Oh yeah!” Pinkie messily devoured another cookie before continuing. “You know what anime is?”
“Well…” Twilight rubbed her chin in thought. “I haven’t really studied pop culture and TV media much, but I think it’s… it’s a type of animation, right? From the Griffon Kingdom, if I’m not mistaken. It’s widely known for the ‘big eyes, small mouth’ visual style and can be considered as ‘cartoons for adults’ because it contains more mature themes.”
“Check, check, and checkaroo!” Pinkie nodded cheerfully. “Anime’s mostly shown in the Griffon Kingdom, so nopony’s even seen it until about three days ago – around the time you mentioned studying up on that princess-y stuff – when Discord decided to extend everypony’s TV signals so they could pick it up allllllll-” She stretched her forelegs out to the sides. “-the way from there.”
Twilight frowned and scratched her head. “Isn’t that… illegal?”
“And ohmigosh, Twilight…” Pinkie pressed her forehooves into her cheeks and squealed in excitement. “Anime is awesome! There’s all this cool fighting and… and swords and angst and ninjas that can control the elements like this!” Pinkie pressed her forehooves together and shouted, “Water Style: Raincloud Jutsu!”
“What are you-”
PSSSSHHHH
Twilight blinked owlishly as a gallon of water was dumped on her head, courtesy of a small, dark cloud that had come from literally nowhere. The anomaly blew away as Twilight reached up to brush her wet mane from out of her eyes, mouth agape.
“But… h-how…?”
“Well, first I have to concentrate my chi into my hooves, and then I draw up the mental symbols-”
“Earth ponies can’t actively use magic!”
“That’s because it’s not magic, Twily,” Pinkie laughed. “It’s chi.”
If Pinkie had just been imitating a show, Twilight would have let this slide, maybe, but here she was doing something which should have been restricted to unicorns.
She had to know more about this ‘chi’.
“Pinkie…” She began. “Could you elaborate more about this ‘chi’ phenomena?”
“Well, I only know the basics…” Pinkie scratched her chin in thought. “But I guess it’s like when you’re baking a cake and you set the oven to max…”
Unfortunately, Twilight’s chance for learning was interrupted by – in what was starting to become a frequent event – a blur of rainbow light smashing through her window.
A reprimand was already on her lips by the time she turned to face Rainbow Dash, but it died on her lips when she realized that the pegasus did not crash and tumble into her books, but instead stuck the landing; head bowed, three hooves on the floor and the remaining one stretched behind her.
“Wh-”
A tremendous gust of wind arrived a split-second later, scattering furniture, books, and two ponies – one squealing in fright and reaching for her precious literature, the other still happily chatting away.
“… then the chi builds in your body like when you stuff chocolate chips into cookies…”
The gust of wind even managed to affect the kitchen and elicit a girlish yelp that was muffled beneath a cacophony of metal pans hitting the walls.
“Oof!”
“… which kinda seems weird since Rarity kept saying, ‘chakra’, so then I said…”
Twilight hit the wall face-first and was buried beneath several dozen – unusually thick – books. Pinkie landed on top of the pile, cross-legged and holding the platter of cookies.
“Hai,” Rainbow Dash rose and whipped her mane to the side in a gesture that also caused a greyish-silver cape tied to her shoulders to billow in a non-existent wind. “We meet again, Ranger…”
“… several dozen piles of manure and- Oh hey, Rainbow!” Pinkie waved cheerily. “Awesome cape! You get it from Rarity?”
“Yeah, but only after I acted as a practise dummy for her sword technique,” Rainbow Dash scratched at the back of her neck. “Man, those air slices are really hard to see…”
“Okay, what in Tartarus is going on around here?!”
Twilight burst from the pile of books in a flurry of flailing limbs and telekinesis. With a pop of displaced air, she appeared in front of Rainbow Dash, ignored the cry of ‘flash step cheater’, and shoved her muzzle against her friend’s.
“I have a lot of questions, but for now, I’ll limit it to one…”
Twilight’s glare went even colder, forcing Rainbow Dash to whimper and back down fearfully.
“How many ponies are affected by this ‘anime’?”
Episode One
奇妙な新世界 Kimyōna shin sekai ~ A Strange New World
“… Hey, Pinkie?”
“Yeah?”
“She’s… sort of been staring like that for a while now. Should we do something?”
“Like what, Dashie?”
“I dunno. Um… here – let me try…”
Twilight only registered a hoof poking her cheek with the vaguest of sensations.
“Hey, egghead! You alright?”
“… I just…” Twilight shook her head in befuddlement, a feeling she wasn’t very familiar with. “What can I say to… this?”
Ponyville had turned from a quaint and quiet town into an almost-theatrical display of flashing lights, flamboyant clothing, long-winded speeches, and superequine feats of physical and magical fortitude.
Twilight knew the ponies in this town were weird, but this seemed a step too far even by their standards.
Yes, the Cutie Mark Crusaders might have built a towering infrastructure of cereal boxes in the middle of the street, but they certainly wouldn’t be flipping about on it in colourful costumes and throwing out blasts of wind, fire, and ice against their ‘arch nemeses’.
“Where did yer sense of duty go, Diamond?!” Apple Bloom cried as she back-flipped over a writhing projectile of tormented souls. “We were supposed to protect these ponies, not enslave ‘em!”
Diamond Tiara swiftly dashed to the side to avoid a fireball and shouted back, “You idiot! Rumble’s the one who betrayed you!”
“Aw, horseapples – Sweetie, can ya’ll say th’ same thing to Rumble when ya see him?”
“Sure thing,” The filly replied sweetly before shrieking horribly and shooting out a storm of ice fashioned into swords. “I trusted you, Silver!”
Silver Spoon grimaced in fear and conjured a barrier of energy to protect herself. “Like, what am I even doing here?!”
And yes, the Flower Trio might have overreacted at the sight of a rabbit eating their surplus, but they wouldn’t act like one of them was dying because of it.
“You baka!” Roseluck wept as she held Daisy in her hooves. Fat tears rolled down her cheeks despite her best efforts to remain stoic. “Why did you have to go and faint so suddenly? Your heart can’t take it!”
Daisy laughed weakly, her breathing laboured. “Heh heh… I had to take the faint for you… I… I don’t really know why. I just… had to. Your coat shouldn’t be so dirty… from lying on the ground…”
Sniffing loudly, Roseluck glared down at her friend, desperately trying to be angry and not feel this crushing despair. “Idiot. I’m still dirty from sitting on the ground… because of your simple butt.”
“Yeah… sorry…”
Roseluck whimpered and looked away, trying to hide her expression. A gentle hoof on her cheek made her look back, into Daisy’s eyes.
“You look prettier when you’re angry, you know… So try and be angry instead of sad…”
“Baka…” She laughed. Strange how the insult seemed to lose its bite… “You always know the right thing to say.”
“What can I say?” Daisy’s eyelashes fluttered as her strength began to wane. “I’m a regular… charmer…”
For the last time, Daisy’s hoof caressed Roseluck’s cheek… before flopping onto her belly, motionless.
“Y-y-you…” Roseluck squeezed her eyes shut, threw her head back, and screamed a heart-breaking cry up at the heavens. “Daaaaiisyyyy!”
Oh, and Lily Valley was also pretending to be dead… somewhere… over there…
“I can’t believe everypony is acting like this!” Twilight – with the dozens of hours of knowledge she accumulated from books on flying – awkwardly flew up and hovered in place so she could overlook the chaos. “Everypony stop!!”
It wasn’t the Royal Canterlot Voice, but it did the trick. The denizens of Ponyville stopped what they were doing and turned to face Equestria’s newest princess.
“What’s going on here?!” Twilight shouted, eyes widening as she almost tipped to the side. “Whoa. How are…?”
She paused and waited as a twenty-foot mechanical monstrosity in a vaguely equine shape carefully tip-toed between houses and stood amongst the crowd. With a hiss of pneumatic steam and mechanisms Twilight was sure didn’t even exist yet, the head bloomed open like a flower to reveal Doctor Hooves piloting the thing.
“Sorry for the interruption, darling,” He apologized with a sheepish grin. “Oh, but do continue!”
“… A-as I was saying… how are all of you achieving this? There is no field of magic that summons souls, there is no part of a pony’s anatomy that stores ‘chi’-”
“I think it’s called chakra!”
“I don’t care what it’s called!” Twilight snapped and then took a deep breath. “Sorry. But there’s nothing logical that could explain any of this!”
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash nodded in agreement as she flew up to hover beside her friend. “Nothing logical.”
Twilight flapped frantically as she dropped in altitude. “What do you mean by…?”
And then she understood.
Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she growled, “Discord…”
Twilight spun in mid-air and gasped in horror as an enormous figure rose from behind the library amidst flashes of lightning.
“So my involvement has finally been realized…”
Discord, Spirit of Chaos
Personification of All that goes against Order
Standing at a towering height of fifty feet, Discord cast his gargantuan shadow over Ponyville, smiling smugly as he folded his arms. His house-sized eyes were trained on Twilight, who descended back to the ground in shock.
“Yes, it was none other than yours truly who caused all of this,” Discord swept his right arm out in a grandiose gesture. “I gave these ponies anime and now I have given them the ability to re-enact their favourite shows and scenes.”
“Are… are you insane?!” Regaining some of her composure, Twilight craned her neck and shouted up at the draconequus. “Do you want us to use the Elements of Harmony on you again?!”
“Ha!” Discord’s bark of laughter rattled her teeth and made the ground shake. “You’re welcome to try… if you can get to them.”
“You can’t have taken them! Celestia cast a spell that prevents you from-”
“Well, she was kind enough to teleport them back to Canterlot.”
“I… What?”
“Oh yeah,” At once, Discord’s aura lost any form of menacing oppression. He hooked a thumb over his shoulder with a casual shrug. “I told her all about my plan and she was all for it; said that she was up for a bit of fun.”
“…” Twilight blinked owlishly before shaking her head and shooting a heated glare at him. “Don’t try and confuse me, Discord! I’m wise to your tricks and-”
“A-actually, Twilight…”
Fluttershy meekly made her way in front of the crowd, dressed in a beautiful lilac kimono with a giant paper fan strapped to her back.
“He’s telling the truth.”
“Wh-what?” The word was quickly becoming repetitive to Twilight’s ears, but she couldn’t think of another word which perfectly summed up her feelings of exasperated disbelief.
“Th’ only lie he’s been tellin’ is th’ one where he says he done told you as well.” Applejack offered from her nearby stall.
She wore a red, green, and brown cowpony outfit with two katana swords attached to her back in an ‘X’ shape. A convenient sign on the front of her stall informed everypony that some of the apples were prone to exploding and/or spontaneous combustion.
“Oh come now – her reactions are priceless; you all have to understand why I didn’t say anything, right?”
The vast majority of the crowd nodded with murmurs of agreement. Betrayal etched onto her face, Twilight searched amongst the faces for familiar ones.
“You too, Rarity?!”
“Well, the fighting and showboating can be a bit ostentatious at times…” Rarity flipped her mane as several dozen swords held with telekinesis floated around her head like a deadly halo. “But I am just in love with the variety of clothing and costumes that come with this genre. Oh yes, some are garish and clash horribly, but with a bit of ingenuity-”
“This is it, isn’t it?” Twilight moaned in despair as she fell flat on her stomach and covered her head with her hooves. “This is how Equestria ends. Let it be known that I was the last pony to retain their sanity.”
“What’s sanity without a healthy dose of insanity?” Discord stretched his serpentine body downwards, close enough that his every word sent a gust of wind rolling along Ponyville’s streets. “Really now, Your Hineyness, you’re taking this the wrong way.”
“And there’s a right way to take this?” Twilight remarked, deadpan and still refusing to move.
“It’s not as if anypony’s getting hurt,” The draconequus’ beard – large enough to make blankets for all of Ponyville – coiled and wrapped around Twilight to hoist her up. “Is anypony complaining about having their ‘soul’ stolen? Or getting kunai lodged in their rears?”
“It’s pretty awesome, Twilight,” Lyra Heartstrings added and gleefully held up her burning foreleg. “Check it out – not a scratch on me. The only thing that gets damaged is our clothing.”
“I got blown up seven times!” Pipsqueak cried cheerfully.
“I blew him up seven times!” Rumble cried cheerfully as he produced a cartoonish bomb from nowhere in particular.
“Honestly Frown-Face McFrown, I’m just providing everypony with a little entertainment. Nopony’s going to get hurt,” Discord paused and glanced off to the side. “Wellll… ‘cept for those two ‘upstanding’ role models; they’ve been powering up and yelling at each other for an hour now, so maybe a few sore throats.”
KA-BOOM
“I got blown up eight times now!”
“I don’t suppose it’s too late to go inside the library and curl up underneath the covers, is it?” Twilight asked as she hanged limply in the oversized hair follicles.
“Oh, but you’re about to play the most important part!”
Twilight’s world was a blur of colour and motion sickness as she was slingshotted into the air. Fortunately, her melancholy was enough to keep her food in her belly, and she was able to keep upright when she landed on Discord’s shoulder.
“It is written that the only way to stop this outbreak of foreign animation is for The Chosen Killjoy to venture to Canterlot,” Discord turned so they faced the direction of the capitol city. He pointed towards the distant metropolis. “There, she shall find the one being who shares her annoyance, and will help her secure the Elements that will defeat me.”
“The Chosen Killjoy? Really?”
“You will face many hardships along the way-”
“Where is this written exactly? On the back of a cereal box?”
“-but you shall have your companions by your side for support. Do be wary, Chosen Killjoy, that I will be lurking in the shadows, waiting for my opportunity to strike. If you fail, then Equestria will fall to Anime forever… or at least until it becomes tiresome.”
“… Everypony really has nothing better to do, huh?”
Discord shrugged with a forlorn sigh, the action making Twilight tumble off his shoulder. “It’s the weekend and I haven’t yet filled my weekly quota of chaos! Surely you of all ponies can understand keeping to a schedule?”
“Oof!” Rainbow Dash was kind enough to fly up and catch Twilight until she was stabilized. “That, I can understand,” She sighed. “Fine – I’ll play along, but don’t expect me to take part in your… shenanigans.”
“Oh, fabulous day!” Discord whooped and twirled in place ecstatically, incidentally whipping up a strong wind that sent several ponies halfway across town to land harmlessly on beds of cotton candy. “I have a feeling, Twi-butt, that this will be one hell of an adventure! I look forward to seeing you in Canterlot… if you make it, that is. Ta-ta!”
Twilight shielded her eyes as he vanished with a clap of thunder and lightning. She floated back to ground-level with a grumble of irritation.
“And to think that I dared hope we could go one week without something weird happening…” She sighed and sluggishly turned to face the crowd. “Okay, I’m off to Canterlot. Does anypony want to come with?”
Several hooves shot up.
“Preferably ponies who aren’t going to turn around and reveal they’re a traitor.”
Several hooves went down, leaving three still raised.
“Trust me – you aren’t going to get cutie marks for this.”
The remainder went down with groans of disappointment as well as a mutter of, ‘such a killjoy’.
“Are you girls coming?”
“Are you kidding?” Pinkie braced her massive sword against her shoulder, beaming brightly and jittering with excitement. “No way are we gonna let The Chosen Killjoy down; not when she needs us the most!”
“We got yer back, sugarcube.” Applejack nodded firmly.
The rest of her friends chimed in agreement and Twilight felt a warm smile grow on her face. They might have been a part of this, but it was still nice knowing she’d be travelling with them at her side, just as they did so many times before.
She could trust these ponies.
Episode Two
誰もがこれを翻訳するために起こっているのだろうか？ Daremoga kore o hon'yaku suru tame ni okotte iru nodarou ka? ~ Journey to the Mountain City
“… and so I could never trust a stallion ever since that fateful day.”
“Wow, that’s way dark compared to our backstories.”
“Well, the anime I’ve taken a shining to is for a more mature audience. It’s not quite as severe as Enraged, but there are still some things that could make your lip curl.”
“Hey, does anypony have Untold Warrior?”
“What’s that?”
“It’s a Pony-oh card; I need it complete the Warrior Quintet and defeat my rival.”
“Sorry, the only cards I have are from Manehatten Skyline Tournament.”
“Halt! The Great and Powerful Trixie challenges you to a battle!”
“You too?!” Twilight slapped her forehead and groaned. “Can’t believe this…”
Trixie Lulamoon, The Great and Powerful
An ambitious mare unaware that powerful unicorns no longer dress up in starry robes and hats
Her outfit had changed since last time; Trixie’s hat was now even larger – the rim practically covered her eyes – and her cape seemed to have had several centimetres added to its length and perpetually billowed in a non-existent wind.
“You shan’t pass Trixie…” Levitating her hat so her horn was visible, Trixie turned to the train tracks and zapped them. The tracks shuddered and disconnected, rolling backwards onto itself like a party tube. “Unless you defeat her. For The Great and Powerful Trixie is a follower of the Only Slightly Greater and Powerful Discord!”
“Wonderful…” Twilight grumbled. “First Applejack suplexes the train to Canterlot-”
“Tha’ train was cursed, ah tell ya!”
“-then, for whatever reason, flying to Canterlot is grounds for a permit-”
Above them, Spitfire and Soarin watched closely from a small puff of a cloud, sucking on lollipops and glaring from beneath dark sunglasses.
“Don’t think you can give us the slip.” Spitfire murmured darkly.
“Yeah!” Soarin nodded. “You think we have something worthwhile to do with our lives? Ha! Jokes on you: our lives are painfully empty and dull!”
“-and then you show up.”
Trixie inhaled softly and flinched back, wounded. “Y-you’re not happy to see…?” She blinked a few times and cleared her throat before laughing. “I-I mean, so what? It’s not like Trixie likes you or anything, so that’s fine with her… b-baka!”
“I… I have no idea what that means…” Twilight sighed and ignored her friends’ whispers of ‘I knew it’ and ‘so tsun-tsun’; she would only be even more confused by trying to understand it. “And I have no idea why you destroyed the tracks when the train isn’t running, but if the only way to get past is to defeat you, then I guess we don’t have a choice.”
“Kukuku…” Trixie tittered and hid her mouth behind a hoof, eyes glinting menacingly. “Indeed you don’t. Now, here are the r- eek!”
Trixie threw herself to the dirt to dodge a purple bolt of magic. Her hat stayed in the air long enough for the bolt to pass beneath it and fit back onto Trixie’s scalp when she zipped back up, fuming.
“What in Equestria are you doing?”
“Trying to defeat you?” Twilight quirked one eyebrow in confusion. “Isn’t that what you said? Defeat you and we can pass?” Under her breath, she muttered, “Faust knows I’ll probably get fined if I try to teleport…”
“Trixie hasn’t yet explained the rules of the match yet!” Trixie huffed indignantly and straightened her oversized hat. “How would you ever make it to Canterlot otherwise?”
“…” Turning to her friends with a deadened expression, Twilight said, “Seriously?”
“Ya’ll could try jes’ doin’ it normally, ah reckon,” Applejack replied with a small shrug. “Though ah also reckon Discord will jes’ pop up sooner or later an’ tell ya ta follow the match rules, too.”
Twilight sighed and turned back to Trixie, bristling. “Fine. What are the match rules?”
“One-on-one.”
With a flash of her horn and a stomp of her hoof, a line of blue light raced out and curved inwards to make a large circle. It flashed brightly once it completed the ring and Trixie smugly stepped in.
“If whomever you choose to face Trixie steps out of the ring or is unable to continue fighting, then that means victory belongs to her and you will bear the shame of the loser forever!”
“Twilight…” Rarity stepped forwards with a determined look. “Perhaps you should let me deal with this foe.”
“Okay, sure.”
“For I am… Uh, pardon?”
Twilight grumbled as she sat down in the dirt. “I have no idea how to do the things you’re all able to do, so I would be at a disadvantage,” She shrugged and met Rarity’s gaze. “Besides, I have complete faith in you.”
Rarity’s eyes watered and she smiled warmly. “Oh, darling! I shan’t let you down!”
As she turned and stepped into the ring, Rainbow Dash floated down beside Twilight and whispered, “Nice one, Twilight. If she ever starts getting knocked around, then she can remember your words and get a power-boost from them.”
“I don’t think she’ll need it,” Pinkie shrugged and slammed her massive sword into the earth – pointy-end first – so she could lean against it. “We’re the protagonists, so we’re totally going to win every match Discord can throw at us!”
“Hush, you two,” Applejack slapped a hoof across a completely quiet Fluttershy’s muzzle and nodded towards the match. “It’s about ta start!”
“Mwa ha ha ha! Do you really think you can even hope to match The Great and Powerful Trixie?!”
Rarity said nothing and glared at her opponent as she telekinetically levitated a total of seven swords and made them spin in a circle just above her head. The wind was beginning to pick up and it caused both Rarity and Trixie’s cape to billow dramatically to the side.
“Oho…” Trixie narrowed her eyes, covered her mouth, and tittered in amusement. “So you are the long-lost daughter of King Uber-Neo and thus, the last of the Blender Blades! Hmph! Well, your swords shall fail against The Great and Powerful Trixie’s incredible magic prowess! Do you not recognize power when you see it?”
“Darling, I’m not one to usually, ah… criticize, but all I recognize is a rather bland taste in fashion.” Rarity punctuated the last word with a flip of her mane and an upturn of her muzzle.
“Don’t count Trixie out so readily…” Trixie warned as her cape mysteriously extended several feet in length. “Your assurance of yourself is admirable, but Trixie is leagues above you. She has trained for years to become the strongest unicorn in Equestria. You are certainly no Twilight Sparkle.”
Rarity huffed with a smirk and closed her eyes. “You seem to be quite fixated on my friend, dearie. Why might that be, I wonder?”
“Th-that’s…!” Trixie’s cheeks lit up with a great and powerful blush. “That’s none of your concern! Trixie has no need to explain herself to the likes of you.”
“Keeping things to yourself…” Rarity suddenly frowned and opened her eyes. She turned to the side, remembering… “Is not healthy. Someone important once told that to me; I think it could work for you as-”
“Ugh, just fight already!” Rainbow Dash booed and threw some popcorn from a bucket she got from Pinkie. “Boo! Too much exposition!”
“Hmph! How rude!”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie agrees.”
Rarity nodded and turned her nose into the air. “Alas, some ponies simply have no interest in plot and storylines.”
“A shame, isn’t it?”
“Oh, but isn’t it? Why, I had this entire-”
BZZZZZ
Rarity jerked and convulsed and made some amusing expressions as Trixie struck her with a fork of electricity that arced and spat from the showmare’s horn. Trixie grinned devilishly and kept up the surge for several seconds, long enough that once she stopped to smugly blow some smoke from her glowing horn, Rarity was burnt, frazzled, and twitching with wild eyes.
“Ha ha! Trixie’s pre-emptive strike has surely intimidated you with its underhandedness,” Trixie grabbed her cape and gave a dramatic flourish. “Surrender now and crawl away with what dignity you still have!”
“And wh-what little dignity I w-would have th-then…” Rarity stuttered and reached up to push her frazzled mane back into its gorgeous coiffure. “Would still be more than you possess, dearie…”
“Daaaayum!” Pinkie cried with a hoof pressed against her mouth.
“Yo, we got a real match here, Pinks!”
“You will regret saying that!” Trixie growled as she charged up a magic attack. “Feel the sting of Trixie’s Ion Raze!”
Trixie stomped her forehooves against the dirt and countless, writhing tendrils of electricity arced out, reaching towards Rarity with malicious intentions.
Rarity simply smirked and remained still.
The tendrils struck with such force that they created a dust cloud, obscuring their victim from view.
“Mwa ha ha!” Trixie tittered evilly, cheeks bright with mirth. “What a shame; Trixie was sincerely hoping for a good match, but it seems as though her power was too much. Never mind…” With a salacious smirk, she muttered to herself, “Now that Twilight’s champion has been defeated, I am free to woo her until she realizes her hidden feelings for the Great and Powerful-”
“Oh, a soliloquy, darling? That usually only works in plays.”
“Bwuh?”
As the dust cleared, Trixie’s jaw fell when she saw Rarity casually applying some eyeliner, not even looking as she pulled her swords out from the ground. Their metal blades sparked and hissed with the absorbed electricity, filling the air with the smell of ozone.
“Between you and me, darling…” Rarity leaned in slightly and lowered her voice. “I think the direct approach has the highest chance of success.”
“… You really think so?”
“Confidence is very attractive,” She nodded with a reassuring smile. “Though, you might want to cut back on the boasting a little bit.”
Trixie hummed and thought on the advice for a few moments before suddenly shouting, “Trixie sees wisdom in your words, but our battle must continue nonetheless! You may have somehow bested Trixie’s Ion Raze, but she has plenty more attacks up her sleeve! Behold my Tempest Spark!”
Electricity discharged from Trixie’s horn in bright blue sparks and rose high into the air. They brightened and vibrated threateningly before exploding and sending down countless bolts.
Rarity’s smirk faded as she was forced to dodge the deadly shower; she was adept at avoiding her opponent’s attacks, but with so many projectiles and such an enclosed space, it was significantly more difficult to do so.
Noticing this, Trixie cackled and cast another Tempest Spark, effectively doubling the amount of bolts Rarity had to dodge.
“Where is the legendary Blender Blade technique Trixie has heard so much about five minutes before you showed up because Trixie only just got to the manga?! All you can do is dodge and twirl those silly swords around in a… rather… dazzling… uh…”
Rarity’s eyes were closed and a serene smile graced her face as her mane swept out behind. Her body moved and swayed as she literally danced between the bolts and…
No…
She wasn’t dancing between them…
They were…
‘She’s absorbing them?’
Trixie felt a sweat drop roll down her right temple as she watched her opponent’s blades spin and churn about like a school of starving piranha, somehow managing to intercept each bolt of electricity as if the steel had a mind of its own.
And with each bolt that was dispersed, more and more energy was fed into the flashing swords.
“Wh-what is this?!”
Ignoring the strange tension in her chest, Trixie reached out and called off her attacks. Yet, Rarity still danced hypnotically and her swords continued whirling about her, casting light and shadows against the dirt from the gathered electricity.
The sheer power in the air…
“Trixie…” Gulping audibly, Trixie gathered her magic and shouted, “Trixie is not intimidated by your implausible and impractical fencing abilities! She approves whole-heartedly, but she is not intimidated!”
VZZZZZ
“What-?!”
One of the swords had lashed out from its dance routine and made a downwards slice… which incidentally sent a crescent-shaped bundle of electricity to carve a deep furrow into the dirt in its haste to make contact with Trixie.
She teleported several feet to the side with a worried expression and flinched as the attack dissipated, but not before continuing on for several yards and further destroying the battlefield.
“That strength…” Trixie sweat profusely as Rarity’s dance seemed to work the swords into a frenzy; their movements became quicker and their auras brighter. “Those moves… They… they’re making Trixie feel… What is this feeling? F-fear?”
She suddenly shook her head and scratched her chin.
“No, wait – that’s arousal. Hmm… but that’s definitely fear as well. No… can it be? Trixie…” She took a step back and whimpered as her brow creased. “Trixie is scaroused… or… or maybe arouscared?”
Perhaps it didn’t matter because at that exact moment…
“Oh, darling~”
Balancing on her hind legs, Rarity did a pirouette before facing Trixie and winking flirtatiously.
“I’m afraid there’s about to be some rather… ‘shocking’ developments.”
“… Booooo!”
“My faith in ponykind has been shattered! C’mere, AJ – Imma hit you!”
Trixie could only gasp and gawk in utter terror as Rarity’s swords became silver blurs, such was the speed they criss-crossed and slashed in erratic patterns, sending out a grid of electricity which reminded the Great and Powerful Trixie that… she was also the Inflexible and Allergic to Sports Trixie.
BZZAAAP!!
…
Trixie thought back on her past as she was knocked back into the air by a wall of voltage. Her hat fell off her head and her cape’s knot was loosened, leaving it to flutter around her neck for a moment before gradually leaving her…
Just like…
Like…
“Mother, where has father gone?”
“Your father… He just went out to get some milk, dearie. That’s… that’s all…”
From a young age she had to learn to be independent.
“Honey, I’m home with the milk! Uh… Trixie?”
“Oh, just leave her, love; she’s pretending we abandoned her and she’s living out on the streets.”
“… Why?”
Nopony understood her.
And of course… foals picked on those they could not understand.
“Help! Teacher! Trixie’s picking on us!”
Until… until she met Twilight…
“Oh, Trixie – I’m showing off for you because I actually secretly like you, but am too much of a nerd to show it; you should totally act cold towards me so I become infatuated and stuff.”
Why must life be so confounding?
Trixie’s eyes brimmed with tears… and then she was out of the ring.
“…”
Rarity silently called back her swords and looked at her defeated foe. A stray gust of wind picked up her opponent’s hat and cape.
The cape fluttered in the breeze, but the hat was too heavy, so it just sort of… twitched in place.
“Such potential for good… wasted…” Rarity sighed sadly. “Too many times have I seen mares such as you fall to-”
“Let’s go, let’s go if we’re done, please!” Twilight ushered her friends forward with a few pulses of telekinesis. “I don’t mean to be pushy and rude, but I want this over and done with, thank you!”
Trixie continued lying prone on the ground, legs pointing stiffly towards the sky while her tongue flopped out the side of her mouth. As the others shuffled past, she cracked one eye open and waited until they all passed before suddenly shooting one foreleg out to catch Twilight’s hind leg.
“Wait! Twilight! Trixie… has something to say…”
“Ugh, fine, but please make it quick…” Twilight stopped to face her while casting worried looks over to her friends. “I don’t know if they’re still playing around, but I’m sure Rainbow Dash shouldn’t be in that chokehold for more than three minutes.”
“This… All of this may be a play, but…” Trixie flushed red and she averted her gaze. “Trixie’s feelings are not. She… she wishes to… get to know you better.”
Twilight blinked in surprise. “Really?” Suddenly, she narrowed her eyes. “Waaaiit, this isn’t another ploy is it? Some… anime thing concerning the heel-turn trope?”
“No, no… this is true and blue. Much like Trixie’s lovely coat… though… admittedly, it’s more of an azure,” She shrugged. “Anyway, Trixie is genuine when she says she wants to get to know you better. You are… interesting to her.”
“Well, I’m always game for more friends,” Twilight beamed brightly. “I mean, I suppose this whole ‘adventure’ can’t be a complete waste of time if I-”
“No, not like… like that. Trixie… Trixie means…” Trixie swallowed hard and mustered up every ounce of self-confidence she had – the amount she actually had, not the amount she boasted to have. “She means in a… r-romantic sense…”
“… Romance?” Twilight tilted her head to the side. “As in… the term given to the biochemistry that occurs between two or more parties attempting a relationship more intimate than a platonic one?”
“Yes.”
“Oh!” Twilight’s eyes sparkled with scientific curiosity at the prospect of a new challenge and a life experience… for about two seconds, and then her face lit up with a furious blush. Her ears folded back as she muttered, “Oh…”
“Ah… Trixie understands…” Smiling painfully, Trixie gave a shrug which she hoped seemed casual, and flopped onto her side, away from Twilight. “Sh-she probably wouldn’t have time for romance anyway; she’ll j-just go back to being defeated. Bleh…”
“No, no! I didn’t mean it like… u-um…” Twilight cringed as she rubbed the back of her head. “W-what… L-let’s go grab something to eat after this! In Ponyville! How’s that sound?”
“…” Trixie sniffed once and cautiously rolled back to peer up at her with one eye. “You mean it?”
“S… suuure.”
“Ha ha! Trixie is triumphant!” The showmare sat up and threw her forelegs out to the side with a dazzling smile of victory. “O-oh, and unconscious!” She flopped back down and shut her eyes, though her smile remained. “The Triumphant and Defeated Trixie is unconscious.”
“… Come on, girls – let’s go.”
Twilight didn’t see much point in fixing the train tracks when the train had been suplexed, so she left it as it was and simply made a mental note to fix it later. She walked by the carnage alongside her friends and centred her gaze on Canterlot in the distance.
‘Well, that’s one hurdle over and done with; hopefully nothing else will-’
“Are you really gonna date her, Twilight?!”
Startled by Pinkie’s ecstatic cry – not to mention embarrassed – Twilight jolted before stammering, “W-well, I couldn’t just say no to her; not when she was so downtrodden.”
“Feeling sorry for somepony isn’t a particularly great way to start a relationship…” Rarity commented as she took out a pocket mirror and started fixing her attire and mane. “However, wouldn’t it be simply divine if you two became a couple despite it? Oh, like something out of Covert Rose!”
“Trixie seems like a nice mare…” Fluttershy said softly. She gave an aside glance to make sure Applejack hadn’t yet choked Rainbow Dash to sleep before saying, “You know – aside from all the boasting… and that part where she enslaved all of Ponyville. That wasn’t very nice.”
“I really just felt bad…” Twilight murmured and looked down at her hooves. “Honestly, I’ve never really thought about anypony that way…” She shook her head and suddenly frowned in determination whilst looking back up. “But I can’t start now! We have to get to Canterlot and end this madness.”
“It ain’t tha’ much madness, sugarcube…” Applejack replied, dragging a flailing pegasus behind her with one foreleg. “Ya’ll seem t’ be takin’ this pretty seriously though.”
“Grk!” Rainbow Dash agreed.
“I don’t really see the appeal in this… ‘anime’,” Twilight admitted with a sigh. “I understand that you all seem to enjoy it, but so far, nothing’s clicked for me. It really feels like I’m the only pony that feels this way…”
Meanwhile, in the heart of Canterlot…
“Sister… they draw near…”
Sitting in a throne enchanted to take the appearance that it was comprised of skulls and wearing an intimidating set of golden armor, Celestia’s delighted giggle and hoof clap seemed very out of place. The fact that the throne room itself had been refurnished with a macabre and dark décor of black satin tapestries and stained glass windows with gothic art only added to how out-of-place it was.
“Oh, this is so exciting!” Celestia trilled as she lounged back and addressed her sibling standing before her. “I told you how much I wished life could be more like Obsidian Rain, didn’t I?”
Even with her face shrouded in the shadow of her black cloak, Luna’s bioluminescent eyes managed to convey exasperation. “Yes, sister… twenty-two times by my count.”
“Oh, you’re just upset it’s not one of your video games.”
“There is a video game adaptation of Obsidian Rain…” Luna replied as she turned and made to exit. “It is… not something I would wish on an enemy.”
Celestia stuck her tongue out at her sister’s retreating form before lazily turning to her right and grinning widely. “So, are you excited to work with Twilight to defeat Discord when she gets here?”
“…”
Star Secret s-l-o-w-l-y turned her head to meet the princesses’ gaze.
“I am filled with cautious optimism.”
Smiling at the answer, Celestia averted her gaze, leaving Star Secret to freely scowl and fume in barely-restrained anger.
‘Why didn’t I execute my Faust-damn plan earlier?!’
Discord guffawed as he towered over Ponyville. “I am doing sketchy things!”
“Twilight, Trixie’s not so secret crush…” Trixie struck a dramatic pose. “Trixie will fight your champion and do lewd things to you if she wins!”
Rarity stepped forwards and spun a sword in her telekinetic grip. “I will fight you now and look fabulous doing it.”
Trixie abruptly fell down in the dirt. “Oh no! The Great and Powerful Trixie has been defeated. Twilight, go out with Trixie later! Okay, cool! Now she can die in peace. Blegh…”
Princess Celestia cackled evilly. “I have nothing better to do!”
In two separate locations, Twilight and Star Secret trembled, clenched their teeth, turned their heads skywards, and let loose their cries of anguish and utter annoyance.
“FFFFUUUU-”
Episode Three
あなたは今までにその皆感じていますが、非常識なのですか？ Anata wa ima made ni sono kai kanjite imasuga, hijōshikina nodesu ka? ~ Still on the Journey to the Mountain City
Travelling to Canterlot by hoof was obviously not the quickest means, but it wasn’t as far as it looked; when the sun had set and the moon was out, they were more than halfway there.
Twilight was quite tired by that point however, and that fatigue was potent enough that she decided not to argue when Applejack suggested they make camp near a cluster of tall trees that cast long shadows in the moonlight.
Fortunately, Pinkie had packed enough camping supplies for the six of them.
“Where’d you get all this?” Twilight questioned Pinkie as the hyperactive mare hammered tent pegs into the dirt with the hilt of her greatsword.
“Well, the sleeping bags I got from you girls’ homes…” Pinkie pulled some rope taut and looped it around the peg in a tight knot. “The snacks are from Mr and Mrs. Cake, and the tents are something I’ve been collecting for just such an emergency!”
Twilight frowned. “N-no, I meant… where did you keep all of this on your body?”
Pinkie gave her a strange look. “Twily – it’s me, remember? I got the tricks all up my sleeves, even when I’m not wearing anything!” She smirked and tapped the side of her muzzle. “Especially when I’m not wearing anything…”
“… Yeah, I really should have expected that. Hey, have you seen Applejack?”
“She’s over there starting the campfire.”
“Thanks – see you later.”
“Bye-bye!”
Twilight trotted east, around Rarity’s two-storey high ‘castle-tent’, and sure enough, there was Applejack, rubbing two sticks together in the middle of a pit filled with flammable wood. Briefly, she considered offering a basic pyromancy spell to help, but decided not to when she remembered the farm pony took pride in camping with one’s own bare hooves, not by magic and spells.
‘Although how exactly that stands with all this ‘anime’ business is anypony’s guess…’
“Evening, Twi’,” Applejack nodded in acknowledgement at her approach and offered a warm smile. “Fire’s goin’ ta be up in a sec’, so get yer marshmallows ready.”
“I will,” Twilight nodded back and stopped a safe distance away. “Applejack, do you think Discord will try anything while we sleep?”
“Can’t rightly say fer sure…” Applejack replied. Smoke began rising from the friction produced between the sticks and she bent low to gently blow on it. “But ah don’t reckon even he’d be low enough ta attack us in our sleep.”
Twilight grinned hopefully. “You think so?”
“Huh? Oh, nah…” Applejack winced guiltily. “Ah was jes’ sayin’ tha’ ta sound dramatic-like. See, Discord showed up a few minutes ago when ya’ll went ta th’ bathroom near those trees an’ told us someone would show up.”
“You know, for the Element of Honesty, you’re…” Twilight trailed off and shook her head with a sigh. “Forget it. Are we at least going to get some sleep?”
“Uh-huh…” Embers started appearing and they were coaxed into a small flame that cast a pleasant orange light. “Five or so hours before they show up an’ we can catch th’ rest of our z’s after th’ fight. Ah think they were goin’ ta show up earlier, but had a problem with their lines and wanted ta… ‘spruce it up’.”
“Wonderful…”
“Sorry about lyin’; ah was jes’ tryin’ ta get in-”
“No, no – it’s fine, really. I’m just tired is all,” Twilight smiled disarmingly. “I’ll feel better after some food and rest,” As if to agree with her statement, her stomach rumbled loudly, eliciting an embarrassed blush. “Ah heh heh…”
“Well, have ah got somethin’ tha’ will satisfy yer belly…” Applejack grinned cheekily and trotted over to a chill bin. Lifting the lid, she stuck one hoof in and pulled out a familiar red object before turning back to Twilight. “Feast yer eyes on this here beauty.”
“It’s an apple,” Twilight observed with another rumble from her stomach. Sensing something amiss, she narrowed her eyes and smirked playfully. “But I get the feeling there’s more to it.”
“This here apple and th’ apples in the bin were plucked from a tree we’ve been growin’ in secrecy…” Applejack stepped closer, brandishing the sweet-smelling… very sweet-smelling fruit. “Watered with th’ water from Rainbow Falls, kept in prime heatin’ conditions and the like, and made with th’ freshest fertilizer available – Apple-brand. Me an’ the family helped with tha’ if ya’ll catch mah drift.”
Twilight’s eyes went wide as she finished taking a particularly big whiff of the apple. “I think I do catch your drift…”
“An’ so ah would be honoured if mah friends took th’ very first bite of th’ Apple family’s newest product… Jackapples.”
“… Um…”
“Yeah, ah’m… ah’m not too good at names, so it’s more of a placeholder ‘til Big Mac thinks of somethin’.”
Despite the questionable name and its… ‘origins’, Twilight was drawn in by the fragrance of the fruit and eagerly took it with her telekinesis. The coat was shiny and a healthy shade of red; her mouth watered as she opened her mouth and-
If the suddenness of the yell didn’t startle Twilight, then the tremor that rocked her did. Shocked, Twilight’s telekinesis shorted out, and she dropped the apple.
It hit the ground, bounced from another tremor, and rolled into the fire.
“Wh…? What…?” Twilight’s lip trembled as she reached out to the apple imploringly, helpless as the poor fruit was used to fuel the hungry flames. “B-but…”
“Whoa, whoa – what’s happening?” Rainbow Dash cried as she and the other girls appeared to gather around their friend in mourning. “Nothing was supposed to happen until, like… later!”
The voice boomed out again, seemingly from every direction, and the ground buckled in response.
“THINGS HAVE TAKEN A TURN IN THE WRONG DIRECTION FOR YOU LITTLE PONIES! YOU ARE NOT PREPARED FOR THE BEATING THAT WILL TAKE PLACE HERE, UNDER THE GAZE OF THE MOON!”
After her own little, quick pity party, Twilight sniffed and swiped her foreleg across her eyes before standing up and looking around for the source of the voice.
“If Discord told you someone was coming, did he tell you who it was?”
“No, d- eep!” Rarity pitched forwards from a strong shake and barely caught herself. “Ooh, if you make me get dirt on this outfit…! Er, no, dear – we don’t know who our mysterious assailant is.”
“FOR THE MIGHT OF OUR LORD DISCORD, YOU PONIES WILL BE DEFEATED, BE STOMPED, AND BE RUINED BY THE LORD’S STRONGEST CHAMPION! HE IS THE UNDEFEATABLE, THE INCREDIBLE… THE ONE… AND THE ONLY…”
Fluttershy frowned. “W-wait… I think I recognize that…”
“IRON WIIIIIILLLL!!”
The ground in front of the six mares exploded spectacularly as tonnes of dirt and rubble were upheaved by a powerful force. Twilight gasped and threw up a magical barrier to deflect the clumps of dirt and pebbles.
It wouldn’t have hurt them, but what did hurt was Rarity’s shriek whenever her clothing was tarnished in any way.
Once the shower of debris ended, Twilight dropped the barrier and it was then she got her first glimpse of their foe.
Iron Will of the Boat and Show
A minotaur bursting at the seams with testosterone and DETERMINATION
A prime specimen of a minotaur with blue fur stood on the edge of the hole he had made in the ground. His massive head was bowed, shrouding his face in shadow as a majestic red cape looped around his broad shoulders billowed in a strong gust of wind. Even hunched over as he was, he was still taller than even Celestia, and much wider.
Twilight had heard of Iron Will from friends and how his self-help seminars worked too well for Fluttershy, transforming her sweet demureness into unnecessary aggression and ruthlessness.
Despite that, Fluttershy swore up and down that he wasn’t bad, and was actually quite nice, even going so far as to hold up on his word concerning a ‘100% satisfaction guarantee’ clause.
Even so…
“He’s of an intimidating size, isn’t he?” Twilight murmured uneasily.
Rainbow Dash snickered. “That’s what she said…”
“… Who said that?”
“Huh? No, it’s a joke. It’s like, uh… it’s… Never mind.”
The pegasus made a motion of sweeping her hoof over her head, but before Twilight could call her on it, Iron Will started speaking – re: hollering.
“Chosen Killjoy!” Iron Will straightened out and his fierce features came into view. His eyes burned with a passion as he flexed his pectoral muscles. “Before you ascended, ponies said you were the strongest unicorn to ever strut about Equestria; your power unmatched and your skill unrivalled!”
“Well, I don’t know about-”
“But lemme tell ya something for free, Sparkle!” Iron Will’s nostrils flared and he turned his body to the side, flexing and showing off his bulging biceps. “Strength isn’t just reserved for magic! Does training your horn give you muscles like these?!”
He puffed out his wide chest.
“Or these?!”
Veins bulged out on his arms as he flexed them out to the sides.
“How about these, Sparkle?!”
Turning, Iron Will drew in a breath and grunted, his back muscles twitching in all their sweaty, perfect glory. The force of the flex was enough to produce a gust of wind.
Somehow.
“Oh my…” Rarity panted as the wind struck her flushed face. She fanned herself with one hoof while laughing giddily. “Oh, please don’t look at me, girls – I am not acting much like a lady at the moment.”
“Trust me, Rares – ya’ll are still plenty lady-like…” Applejack commented as she cautiously watched Rainbow Dash’s twitching wings, distant gaze, and drool-stained chin. “Land sakes, girl, at least pretend ya’ll know what decency is.”
“Ooh, I’d like him to frost my cupcakes…” Pinkie cooed in a tone of voice very few had heard her use and with an expression few had seen her wear. “Usually it’s the tough guys who know their way around the kitchen. Yeah… bending over and applying just the right amount of pink frosting to a dozen muffins so they can be delivered to a birthday party…”
“He’s… nice.” Fluttershy said without a hint of sarcasm.
Twilight simply groaned at her friends’ actions and covered her face with her wings… incidentally hiding a small blush of her own.
‘No you don’t, libido! There are still books to read and I swore you would never distract me!’
“There’s a time and a place for magic and it’s not here!” Iron Will drew in another breath and flexed his firm buttocks; they clenched together with the sound of a thunderbolt. “Here, under this moon, in front of this audience, we will fight! With! Our! Bare! Hooves!”
The large minotaur spun to face them and threw his arms into the air. Inexplicably, several fireworks were let off into the air in a dazzling formation, courtesy of several goat attendees working the pyrotechnics.
And off to the side, a single goat attendee strained and bleated against his cargo: a single bleacher stand that was hooked up to his body via a flimsy harness. It was full of a dozen cheering ponies, griffons, and one changeling eating a bucket of popcorn.
“So I’ll ask again, Sparkle! ARE!”
Iron Will clenched his right hand.
“YOU!”
Iron Will clenched his left hand.
“READY!”
Iron Will drew back.
“TO!”
Iron Will took in an enormous breath that actually managed to drag the bewitched mares a few inches forwards.
Then he bent forwards and bellowed out with all his might.
“RRUUUMMMMBBBBLLLLEEEE?!?!”
It was like a hurricane and an earthquake were getting it on: the ground shook and lurched while a tremendous wind – courtesy of a certain bull-headed enthusiast – scattered debris and foliage past the heroines’ flapping gums and watering eyes.
Fortunately, they weren’t in a public area, and once the booming echo died down and silence was left to cautiously reign, the only damage done was to bare wilderness.
Well… the goat pulling the bleacher had collapsed, but he was probably fine…
The audience, meanwhile, awaited the mares’ response.
“…” Twilight blinked owlishly and slowly folded her ruffled wings back against her sides. “U-um… I don’t… Just… Why?”
“H-hello again, Iron Will…” Fluttershy said sweetly and combed her mane back into its usual style. “H-how are your seminars coming along?”
“Oh, they’re great!” Any trace of aggression left Iron Will as he relaxed out of his primal stance and smiled disarmingly. “I tell ya, that little phrase, ‘no means no’, is working wonders. Hey, thanks again for letting me use it.”
“It’s nothing; I’m glad to hear you’re doing well.”
“How’ve you been?”
“Good, good. I’m, ah, helping Twilight get to Canterlot, so…”
Iron Will winced guiltily. “Ooh… I’m getting in the way, aren’t I?”
“It’s okay; I know you’re just doing your job,” Fluttershy made an encouraging gesture with her hoof. “Don’t let me stop you. You’re doing very well.”
“Well, if you’re sure, then…” Another blast of testosterone-scented wind as Iron Will posed powerfully. “So the famous Sparkle is speechless, hm?! Ooh, the might of Iron Will is mightier than even he thought! Fine!” He pointed at her with the sound of a whip cracking. “Choose, Sparkle! Which of your friends will face Iron Will?! Who will fight for your honour, Chosen Killjoy?!”
Twilight massaged her temples and stared vacantly at the ground. “Too many… variables… which don’t make sense… Need… logic!”
Applejack sighed and calmly reached into the chill bin. Pulling out a book on quantum physics, she handed it to her friend – who snatched it up and hugged it tight like a security blanket – petted her sympathetically, and then trotted forwards.
“Get yer bearings back, sugarcube. If it’s a match of strength he’s a hunkerin’ fer, then ah’m more than happy ta oblige.”
The audience roared their approval and waved small flags bearing either Iron Will or Applejack’s face. As Applejack strode forwards confidently, Iron Will let out a booming chuckle.
“Strength, eh? Don’t think I can’t see those toothpicks on your back, little pony.”
“What, these?” Applejack bent forwards slightly and the katanas on her back somehow slid down and over her head. She caught both in one forehoof. “Ain’t nothin’ ta fret about; ah jes’ use ‘em ta cut apples.”
And with that, she tossed them to the side with enough force that they were embedded in a small hill with a spray of dirt and grass clumps.
“Really, ah reckon ah’m more dangerous unarmed…” Applejack flashed an intimidating grin. “Than armed.”
Iron Will nodded with a smirk of approval. “That so? Then show me, little pony!” He brought his arms into the air. “Show me what you’re made of!”
CRASH
Iron Will’s fists smashed the ground and sent a shockwave out to either side. Surprisingly, they veered sharply when they hit a certain distance and continued rippling in Applejack’s direction, a geyser of earth trailing after.
The farm pony remained impassive however, and didn’t move as the shockwaves sharply turned again a few yards behind her to meet. The instant dirt stopped raining down, four metal poles sprouted up from the corners the shockwaves took, each connected to one another with red velvet ropes.
Twilight scrunched her face up in confusion and extended one hoof towards the ring. “… But… how?”
“Reasons, egghead…” Rainbow Dash replied as she and Pinkie started on their buckets of popcorn. “Reasons…”
“Little pony, do you really think you can defeat Iron Will?!” Iron Will gave a strong pose that flung the sweat from his body like raindrops. “The will of Iron Will is like iron and will pummel you to dust!”
“Ya’ll talk big, but can ya’ll back it up?” Applejack stretched out her legs in preparation of the battle. “Cuz’ all ah’m seein’ is showboatin’.”
“Ooh, I’ve got so much to back up my talk that I can never talk enough to not back it up!”
Iron Will puffed out his chest and linked both his hands together behind his head, nostrils flaring as he drew in a great breath.
“HOO-RAH!”
As his pectoral muscles flexed magnificently, a gust of wind surged forth in the shape of a fist. Surprised by the unusual attack, Applejack didn’t have time to dodge, and took the fist head-on.
“Ungh!”
She was flung backwards and flipped twice before she managed to land back on her hooves, her momentum sending her dangerously close to the ropes.
“Colt, tha’ didn’t make a lick a sense…” Applejack swiped her jaw with a foreleg, grimacing. “Don’t mean it didn’t hurt any less.”
“There’s no sense or reason in the ring!” Iron Will flexed once more and sent out another fist comprised of compressed air. “There is only the FIGHT!”
Applejack gritted her teeth and dodged to the side. “That so?” Suddenly smiling, the farm pony raised one forehoof and brought it down, hard. “Then there ain’t tha’ many things ta worry about!”
CRASH
Her hoof struck the dirt and formed a large crater while also sending a shockwave towards her opponent. Iron Will snorted and met the attack head-on with nary a grunt, though the shockwave was powerful enough to blow around his massive form and scatter some unfortunate goat attendees behind the ropes.
“You’re gonna have to try harder than that if you want to bend this slab of iron!”
Iron Will crouched and with a single leap, incidentally creating another crater from the force of his take-off, he was soaring through the air, arms extended.
“HOO-RAH!”
Applejack smiled grimly in determination and copied his movements, with just as much implausible destruction.
“YEE-HAAAAW!”
The audience gasped collectively in awe as the two titans closed the gap with blinding speed…
CRACK
FWOOSH
A dome of air expanded with the strength of a cyclone: goat attendees frowned and sighed in exasperation as they were thrown into the air, food and drinks were scattered as the audience whooped in delight, and the lone changeling casually raised a sign reading, ‘8.4’.
“Oh heavens!” Rarity fell backwards from the concussive force. “How barbaric!”
“Phew!” Rainbow Dash wiped her forehead and laughed nervously. “Lucky we didn’t have our wings out or we’d be miles away, eh, Flutters?” She looked to her side, her grin faltering. “Flutters?”
BANG
POW
CRACK
SMACK
CRUNCH
Applejack – up on her hind legs – and Iron Will faced each other with equal measures of ferocity, lashing out with punches so fast that their limbs were blurs; blurs that created explosions of sound and force every time they struck one another. The crater beneath them was getting deeper as each blow pushed out a layer of dirt and rocks.
“Iron Will is just getting started, little pony!” The minotaur laughed merrily as his cape flapped behind him.
“So am ah!” Applejack retorted over the sound of their clashing hooves and fists.
Iron Will went for a low right hook and when Applejack moved to counter it, he suddenly dodged to the side and managed to end up behind her. Before she could react, he grabbed her around the waist, held tight, and leapt up into the air.
“Wait, what’s this?!” Pinkie cried into her microphone, eyes wide with awe. “Holy cinnamon buns, Dashie – is that what I think it is?”
“It’s… it’s…” Rainbow Dash whooped in childish glee and bounced in place, squeeing into the microphone, “The Taurus Flattener! The Taurus Flattener!”
“Why are ya’ll cheerin’ fer hiiiiiii-?!”
Applejack’s cry was cut off as she was pressed into the ground with the full weight of Iron Will against her back. Fortunately, there was no shockwave, but there was a strong tremor, and the audience gave sympathetic hisses and groans…
And then broke into cheering.
Even the goat attendees bleated and bayed supportively as they floated down from the sky on parachutes.
Iron Will laughed as he stood back up, staring down at the broken pony crushed into the middle of a perfect imprint of his form.
“You were tough; Iron Will gives you that. But not tough enough to face the might of… IRON WILL!”
“Oh no…” Twilight gasped in horror as she watched Iron Will flex his muscles to the crowd, hyping them up. “Applejack…”
This was bad. If her dear friend lost… then…
Then she might have to wait until Discord got tired of all of this!
…
Oh, and she was concerned for Applejack, of course.
‘A bit alarming that that wasn’t my first concern, but…’
“Everypony, cheer for her!”
Twilight blinked and glanced to the side. “W-what?”
“She might get a power boost if we cheer for her!” Pinkie cried. Turning back to the match, she shouted, “Come on, AJ! You can beat him!”
“yay…” Somepony shouted in the distance.
“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash joined in. “Kick his ass!”
Rarity gasped theatrically. “Language, dear.”
Then she turned to the match with a most nightmarish expression of fury.
“Applejack, you get your country-raised rump off the ground and lay waste to this savage miscreant of muscle and fur before I lodge my swords between your stomach and lungs!”
“… Go Applejack…” Twilight murmured and scooted away from her purple-maned friend fearfully.
“Aw… Iron Will’s feelings have been beaten up.”
But in the dirt… Applejack twitched.
She thought about her family…
“AJ!”
“Yes, Granny?”
“Ah need yer nubile hooves fer a mo’.”
“… Where are ya’ll?”
“In th’ tub.”
“…”
She thought about her friends…
“RD! Ya’ll ate all th’ apples on mah favourite tree!”
“But you were asleep; how’d ya know?”
“Ya’ll woke me up so ah could watch you eat all of ‘em!”
“… In all fairness, you also did nothing to stop me.”
“… Ah ain’t…”
“Hm?” Iron Will turned to his fallen opponent, one eyebrow rising in surprise.
Applejack wrenched herself free from the dirt and rose on shaking legs. “Ah ain’t… done yet.”
The crowd went silent and watched as the previously defeated mare got back up in an admirable show of determination.
“Iron Will approves of your willpower…” The minotaur folded his arms, confident in his victory. “But the match is over. You have lost.”
“Heh heh…” Applejack raised her head to meet Iron Will’s stare… and to everyone’s surprise… her irises started glowing a bright green. “Tha’s where yer wrong.”
“Hey, what?” Iron Will frowned and threw his hands into the air as Applejack stood straight up and faced him. “Why do you get a power-up? Where’s Iron Will’s power-up?”
The goat attendees looked at each other awkwardly before bleating and baying encouraging words.
“Hmph! Iron Will thinks you’re just saying that!”
The goats bleated in disagreement.
“Iron Will signs your checks, so how does he know you’re not just being biased?”
The goats snorted and booed.
“Alright, let’s keep this match PG, hm? No need for that kind of language.”
“Ah’m sorry ta say tha’ this match ain’t goin’ ta be PG fer much longer…” Applejack rolled her neck and shoulders as the green glow from her eyes bled out to blaze along her body. “Not with th’ beatin’ ah’m about ta lay down.”
“Iron Will isn’t afraid of you just because you’re burning with green fire!” The minotaur hunched over and steadied his legs, lips curled in a confident smirk. “If you insist on fighting, little pony, then don’t come crying to me when you get a mouthful of dirt!”
CRACK
In the span it took for one to blink, Applejack had crossed the distance between her and Iron Will and propelled herself upwards with a devastating uppercut. Despite the great difference in weight, Iron Will was carried along with the farm pony as she continued rising two, three, six, twelve metres into the air.
The crowd gasped and cooed in wonderment at the spiralling trail of green fire that followed the duo’s ascension.
Rainbow Dash laughed merrily and pumped her hooves in the air. “Yeah, yeah, yeah – this is what we need!”
“That doesn’t make sense; she’s so much lighter than him!” Twilight cried in exasperated irritation. “Have some respect for the laws that hold our molecules together!”
“Ah don’t understand those fancy laws!” Applejack cried back.
Once she and Iron Will were roughly fifty metres in the air, she pulled her hoof free from his lower jaw and, while he was dazed and suspended in mid-air, delivered a downward, chopping smack.
Iron Will’s eyes bulged out as her hoof struck the top of his head and sent him straight back down at such speeds he almost made a Sonic Rainboom.
Well… he did make a boom of some sort when he landed.
“Huah… huah…”
It took Applejack a few seconds to land and she did so with a slight tremor and a spray of dirt in all directions. Yanking her legs from the holes they made, the farm pony panted heavily as she looked towards the considerably deeper hole Iron Will had created with his face.
Little of him could be seen save for his tail, which peeked over the edge, listless.
Applejack released a deep breath and the fire wreathing her body gradually died down along with the glow in her ey-
“THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!”
Applejack flinched away as Iron Will erupted from the earth, much in the same fashion as he did earlier, but this time with a miasma of steam rising from his superheated body.
“SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT, APPLEJACK!!”
With a crazed grin, Iron Will swiftly tore the cape from his shoulders and tossed it out into the crowd – several ponies and griffons reached for it, but one lone changeling emerged victorious – before charging towards his opponent, bellowing in excitement.
Applejack grimaced and responded by raising her forelegs to block a powerful punch.
“Well, ain’t you a trooper?!”
“Things are heating up!” Rainbow Dash commented as the two opponents got locked into another ‘pummel duel’. “Figmentally and liberally!”
“It’s ‘figuratively’ and ‘literally’, Rainbow…” Twilight murmured.
“Look at those two go at it! Only one will be left standing after all this: who will it be? The country mare from Ponyville or the muscle-bound minotaur from Minos? Only fate will decide!”
Splat
Splish
Pinkie blinked as a drop of fluid splattered against her muzzle. “Look, girls – it’s raining! Fate really is watching and judging!”
Twilight wrinkled her nose as she erected a magical barrier over her head. “Er, Pinkie?”
“Quick! Tilt your heads back and taste the rain of fate!”
“I, uh… don’t think this is rain…”
Twilight pointed towards the ring, where the two opponents were striking each other so hard that the vibrations launched any sweat that squeezed out of their pores up into the air.
Rarity shrieked in disgust and yanked an umbrella from out of her tent at supersonic speeds. Rainbow Dash awkwardly covered her head with her wings and Pinkie… Pinkie just closed her mouth and stared straight ahead, traumatized…
“… This is the worst…” Twilight whined.
At the sound of flapping wings, she turned her head in time to see Fluttershy land beside her, panting and puffing.
“Oh good…” She wheezed as she tucked her trembling wings to her sides. “It’s raining.”
“N-no, Fluttershy, don’t open your…” Twilight levitated a bottle of chilled of water to the pegasus. “Just… Drink from this.”
“Wh-why?”
“It’s better you don’t know.”
The fight had taken a dark turn.
Applejack realized this as she threw any form of strategy out the window and simply focused on landing as many punches as she could while doing her best to ignore the blows that Iron Will landed.
Neither of them was interested in defense and wearing one another out; right now, it was a race to see who could outlast the other, who could endure the most pain and damage.
Her ribs hurt and so did her hooves, but she pressed on through sheer determination.
She had to win!
Both she and Iron Will landed particularly devastating blows at the same time, making them stumble backwards, almost collapsing from exhaustion.
But they persisted.
‘Now or never…’
Applejack channelled all of her energy into her right forehoof; the fire that wreathed her body flowed into the appendage like water, lighting it up like a bug zapper.
She could see Iron Will doing the same; his body stopped venting steam except for his right hand, and in his eyes, she could see he was putting everything into this one blow.
‘Let’s do this then…’
“Hiyaaaa!”
“Grraaaagh!”
The two opponents took a step forwards: Applejack jumped into the air, aiming for Iron Will’s face, and in turn, he moved his fist to catch her in the back and slam her back to the ground.
The audience held their breath…
The Chosen Killjoy and her friends gasped…
…
CRACK
Iron Will’s fist missed Applejack’s side by mere centimetres.
Applejack did not miss.
The minotaur’s face was amusingly mushed by the blow for a brief instant before the energy sent him flying backwards into the ropes.
They stretched far, but remained sturdy, and catapulted him right back.
Applejack jumped again and caught him with a brutal clothesline.
Iron Will flipped once, twice, thrice, and face-planted onto the earth.
“…”
Everyone remained silent as Applejack staggered over to her foe and pressed a hoof against the small of his back.
A goat in a referee’s outfit ran out and tapped the dirt, baying once, twice…
Ding-ding-ding
“Applejack wins it!”
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie threw their microphones into the air and embraced, cheering and whooping wildly. Rarity laughed and clapped her hooves, whistling supportively.
Not even Fluttershy was exempt and bounced up and down, yelling loud enough to actually be heard over the roar of the crowd and the explosion of fireworks.
Twilight, still steamed over the blatant disregard for the laws of physics, looked out over the excited crowd, her cheering friends… and at Applejack calmly smiling and accepting the praise with a humble blush.
“…”
She beamed proudly and clapped along.
“Ungh…”
Applejack turned, alarmed by Iron Will’s sudden movement. She watched cautiously as the minotaur shakily rose and faced her… smiling in approval.
“That was a hell of a fight…” He chuckled and extended his hand, the other cradling his head. “You’re pretty good.”
Applejack smiled back and placed her hoof in his large hand, both warriors shaking firmly. “Ya ain’t so bad yerself. Ever think of buckin’ down apples?”
He laughed and shook his head politely. “Sorry, but there’s still plenty of people out there who could use a boost in confidence. I can’t let them down, you know?”
She nodded, completely understanding. “Ah get it. Ya’ll take care of yerself.”
“I will. And good luck with facing Discord and his remaining champions.”
“Thanks.”
With a final nod, the two parted ways.
Iron Will stomped his leg and the ropes disappeared back into the earth. His goat attendees were waiting with the results of tonight’s turnout and expenses.
The audience chattered excitedly amongst themselves, praising tonight’s match and the special effects. The goat that brought them all in sighed as he hooked himself up to the harness, making a mental note to create some union later.
Applejack returned to her friends and was swept in hugs and compliments.
“You were wicked awesome, AJ!”
“You’re a total party pony!”
“Well done, dear.”
“I l-like that you didn’t hurt him too badly…”
“I guess I can ignore the implausibility of what happened… for now. You did great.”
Applejack blushed shyly. “Heh heh… thanks, but, ah… could ya’ll maybe lighten up on th’ huggin’? Mah ribs are achin’ up a storm…”
In the far distance, Celestia watched the mares celebrate through her telescope.
“… They’ve won?”
“They have…” Celestia looked up from the eyepiece. “And you missed the good part. I told you to cut back on those smoothies. You know how your bladder gets.”
Luna’s cheeks darkened under her hood. “My bladder is the strongest in all of Equestria! Th-those beverages were at fault!”
“Of course they were…”
Leaving her sister to gripe and groan about the ‘beverage conspiracy’, Celestia trotted off the balcony and back into her room. There, she spotted Star Secret sipping from a cup of tea and… and…
“You’re not wearing your costume!”
“Pardon?” Star Secret turned to her, one eyebrow rising. “What costume?”
“The silver and red costume I gave you when you sat down.”
“… That was a costume? I thought that was an oversized napkin.”
Celestia giggled and shook her head in bemusement. “Oh, you’re quite the kidder…” She somehow didn’t notice Star Secret was completely serious and brimming with rage. “Be sure to put that on before they arrive, hm? Discord mentioned a surprise twist concerning it.”
Star Secret smiled… with effort. “I’ll be sure to do that.”
“Excellent!” Celestia bounded off like a filly. “Ooh, I can’t wait to show them my ultimate move! Luna, did you see where I put that blender?”
“…”
Star Secret’s eye twitched repeatedly as she returned to her tea.
‘I’m going to devour them. I’m going to devour each and every single one of them.’
Iron Will flexed his muscles hard enough to blow apart the ground beneath him. “HOO-RAH!”
Applejack flexed her muscles hard enough to create a sonic boom. “YEE-HAW!”
The two grunted and hotdogged mightily as they thumb-wrestled.
Applejack won despite lacking the required appendages.
“Hoooo! Down Iron Will falls…” Iron Will fell onto his back dramatically, tongue sticking out the side of his mouth. “Oooh yeah…”
Having somehow acquired a black eye and a bloodied mouth, Applejack raised a hard-won trophy high in the air victoriously as the crowd cheered. “Ah did it, ma and pa’s graves! Ah did it!”
Twilight shook her head in bewilderment. “What the f…?”
“Hey, Twilight, I’m, uh…” Celestia tittered in a disturbed fashion as she looked through a telescope. “I’m creepin’ on you, ah heh heh…”
Star Secret downed several bottles of whiskey, desperate to get drunk and not consciously suffer through this nonsense. “Curse my powerful body!”
Episode Four
レインボーダッシュはかつて彼女のフロントドアとの戦いを失いました Reinbōdasshu wa katsute kanojo no furonto doa to notatakai o ushinaimashita – Dramatic Battle on Canterlot Mountain!!
Not many ponies knew this, but there was another way to get into Canterlot besides by train, flight, or particularly strong teleportation.
At the base of the mountain the capitol city was built into, there was an old – very old – mountain path that used to be frequented by miners back in the days when Canterlot was just a small, isolated settlement called Drowning Depths.
Despite the centuries that have passed, the mountain path still remained stable and safe, though it was still advised to exercise caution and to have somepony familiar with the trek.
“Arggh! I… I can’t go on!”
Twilight groaned and facehooved as Rarity collapsed on the trail – after laying down a blanket of course – and lifted her forehoof to her brow dramatically.
“I… I am sorry, my friends… but this high altitude wind… this dust…” Rarity’s lower lip quivered. “It is too much! L-leave me – I shan’t be a burden to you.”
Twilight sighed and plomped down on her rump, uncaring to the small pebbles that poked her buttocks, and stared off the edge of the mountain path as Fluttershy went to apply the smelling salts and delicately fan Rarity’s face.
‘Why did Applejack have to suplex that train? And that guide? And our map?!’
The trail was more or less linear, but still!
At the very least, she had a good view: they were a little over halfway up the mountain and from her vantage point she could see a vast majority of the land. The train tracks winded all the way below across green fields like a snake and small dots on the horizon informed her that yes, Ponyville had not exploded twice for no reason.
Looking further over the side, Twilight examined the rocky outcroppings-
Ah, and there were the two reasons they couldn’t simply fly or teleport up this mountain.
“Yeah, we’re still onto you!” Spitfire called up at her, clinging upside-down on a thick branch that jutted out from between two boulders. A strong gust of wind made it creak ominously and she tightened her grip before yelling, “We’re still watching!”
“… Barely!” Soarin whimpered as he clung to Spitfire’s back. “I-I mean, we’re sort of tired and hungry and Spitfire won’t let me use the bathroom, but we’re breathing… so far!”
“Still going strong!”
“We have different opinions on what’s considered ‘strong’, but it’s cool!”
Twilight rolled her eyes and pulled back to glower at her fashion-minded friend. “Rarity, are you done yet?”
“Ooh, I…” Rarity began to stir and push herself back up, glazed eyes clearing. “Why, it’s a miracle! This newfound strength surging through my veins; this abundance of stamina; it’s indescribable! I, I think I can do it, Twilight! I can carry on!”
Rainbow Dash awkwardly floated down to hover beside Rarity, her voice lowering into a worried stage-whisper. ”Uh, don’t wanna alarm you or anything, but I think Twilight’s this close to throwing you off the cliff. Like… literally throwing you.”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic, darling. Twilight-”
“Pah hah! You telling me that…”
“-is just fine. See? Look how calm she- oh dear, that’s an unhealthy amount of smoke coming from her nostrils. Er, yes, let’s get to it! Chop-chop!”
Rarity was quick to take the lead.
Finally able to start trekking up the mountain once more, Twilight felt her temper cool down and the plumes of grey smoke spewing from her nostrils dwindled to thin wisps.
Pinkie Pie was bouncing alongside her with a saddlebag full of climbing gear. It seemed moot to question where she had gotten it all. Really, Twilight was just happy that she seemed to have an infinite supply of water bottles.
The air was… unusually heavy even though they were so high up and not within Canterlot’s weather-control radius.
Twilight often felt similarly when the pegasi of Ponyville were brewing up a storm.
But she didn’t see any dark clouds in the sky.
‘Not that logic seems to apply to anything anymore. I’m half-shocked I don’t simply fly into space because gravity decided to give up.’
‘Give up’.
Any other time, Twilight would have needed to have her limbs shorn off or her friends’ lives to be put at stake before even considering such a concept.
But this time, the stakes were about as high as the little colt, Pip. The notion of simply lying on the ground and stewing in self-pity, ignoring the repeated pointy stick poking Discord would no doubt inflict on her, was an appealing one.
Twilight sighed and glanced at her side, to her smiling pink friend. She pricked her ears and could hear Applejack and Rainbow Dash chuckling about some private joke. She finally looked forwards and saw Rarity emphatically sharing what gossip Ponyville had to offer to Fluttershy, who shyly smiled and nodded, happy to listen.
But her friends seemed to be enjoying this little adventure.
‘I can’t just derail this whole adventure, not when everypony’s gotten so into it. They’d understand if I explained how I felt, but… but it’s still selfish of me.’
Besides, it wasn’t as if Twilight hadn’t had fun at any point.
Watching some of her friends and their foes’ antics and reactions were quite amusing and that look of accomplishment on Applejack’s face last night was worth the headache brought on by the reality-screwing match she and Iron Will had.
There was definitely-
“Get down!”
Twilight had enough time to blink out of her thoughts and move her lips to form the ‘wh-’ of ‘what’ before something pushed her to the ground from behind.
‘Harsh voice, light but sturdy skeletal structure, strength a degree above my own – Rainbow Dash.’
“Rainbow-”
Twilight’s face was pushed into the dirt and a few dirty stones pushed past her lips. She was more preoccupied with the taste than the sound of an electrical discharge searing over their heads and impacting with a sheer wall.
Rainbow Dash’s hoof lets up and Twilight raises her head, expression sour as she spat out the rocks and blew a raspberry with her grime-coated tongue. “Pfft! Pfft! Blegh! What in Equestria is-”
“Get down!”
Whump
Twilight was introduced to the ground once more as another electrical discharge went over their heads.
Twilight shot up and conjured an arcane barrier to absorb the brunt of another bolt. The shock and force made her teeth shake, but she held on, horn and eyes blazing with white light. She called on more power and her barrier’s strength multiplied ten-fold.
“I will not lie here and kiss the ground at your feet! I am a princess of Equestria, the Princess of Friendship; your attacks are nothing to… to…”
Twilight slowly came down from the unexpected high and her barrier dissipated, leaving her standing awkwardly, one ear twitching at the inexplicable sound of triumphant music fading with a waning note of disappointment.
“Wh… What was that?” She shook her head, brow furrowed in confusion. “There was this… sudden feeling I can’t describe. Deep within my soul… there was this burning passion. I-I… I never thought that…”
Twilight suddenly frowned.
“Why am I talking like this?”
“Hit the floor!”
Whump
“Ah hah hah hah!” A derisive, feminine laugh echoed off the mountain cliffs once the bolt of electricity passed over their heads. “What’s the point in even trying to defeat you losers? You’re doing a pretty good job by yourselves.”
‘Do I recognize that voice?’
Twilight lifted her face from the dirt and saw the mare that had spoken was a pegasus. She stood high in the air on top of a dark cloud, but the sun was behind her, so she could only make out a vague body shape; the rest of the mare’s features were enshrouded in shadow.
“I bet I could take you all out with just a strong wind that’ll blow you right over the edge!” The mare snickered cruelly and her right eye flashed with a golden light. “But that’s just no fun, is it?”
The rest of Twilight’s friends were standing from where they had taken cover against the ground and where bunching together, weapons and abilities synching up in preparation of a battle.
“Who th’ heck are ya?!” Applejack yelled, green embers dancing across her body. “Come down an’ show yerself!”
“… If you insist.”
Before Twilight’s eyes, the mysterious mare seemed to melt into the cloud she rode. In the time it took for her to blink, a lightning bolt shot out from beneath the cloud and struck the path ahead of them, creating an explosion of dust and superheated rock.
‘Glad none of that got in my mouth…’
As the dust cleared, the mare stepped forwards, a mocking sneer etched onto her familiar face.
“Long time, no see, Dashie…”
Lightning Dust, the Sky Assassin
Currently banned from ever participating in trust exercises
“You…” Rainbow Dash growled chillingly and her anger wasn’t exclusive.
Twilight didn’t really believe in ‘hating’ anypony, but Lightning Dust held a particular place in her heart as somepony who not only almost caused her death but the deaths of her friends. She hadn’t even apologized.
True, Rainbow Dash had played a part, but she had saved them from her own mistake and was terribly guilty after the ordeal. Lightning Dust was only sorry that she got kicked out of the Wonderbolts.
Even so… maybe there was still a chance for forgiveness and redemption. After all, if Discord-
“Hey, why don’t we make this like old times?” Lightning Dust chuckled and jerked her head to the side of the path, where pointy rocks waited below. “Just dive head-first and start flailing around.”
… If Discord could be redeemed, then maybe Lightning Dust could be, too.
Speaking of which, Lightning Dust seemed different since last they met.
Instead of the Wonderbolts’ uniform, she had donned a dark blue uniform that seemed militaristic in nature, and a white handkerchief peeked out from the breast pocket. A silver cape was attached to the shoulders of her uniform and billowed dramatically.
Was there any other way capes billowed anymore?
In addition, Lightning Dust had a small crossbow strapped to her right forehoof. It was only about the size of a dinner plate, but Twilight was immediately wary of it; with all the crazy stuff their opponents were able to do, she wouldn’t be surprised if that thing could shoot dragons made of timber wolves.
“Trust me…” Lightning Dust continued with an arrogant smirk. “It’ll be a less painful defeat than if you go up against me.”
“That so?” Rainbow Dash confidently marched forwards whilst flexing her wings. As if bidden by the flex – oh please no more flexing, Twilight thought to herself – cold winds gathered around her body like she was a walking cyclone. “Because I could say the same for you…”
“Heh… had a feeling you’d be the one to step up,” Lightning Dust’s neck clicked as she bent it left and right. “Fine by me – it doesn’t matter what order you losers go in, you’re all going down the same way. And then?” She flashed a menacing grin and her eyes briefly flicked over to the edge of the path. “I’m coming for those Wonderbolts.”
“I stand by what I did!” Spitfire yelled up in reply.
“I was just standing around when it happened!” Soarin added.
“Recruit – if you don’t kick her ass, then I’m doing it! And then I’ll kick your ass for not kicking her ass!”
“Long story short: Spitfire has a fixation on asses!”
“Yes, ma’am!” Rainbow Dash gave a swift salute to the edge and turned back to her opponent. “So…?”
Lightning Dust shrugged carelessly. “Let’s just get this started.”
In stark contrast to the other battles, there was no witty banter or trading of insults.
The instant Lightning dust finished talking, she lifted her forehoof and, with a bright golden flash of her right eye, fired a bolt of lightning from her crossbow that quickly took the form of an arrow.
Rainbow Dash shielded herself with her wings and the bolt impacted harmlessly; she retaliated by leaping forwards and spinning her entire body like a corkscrew, summoning powerful winds that shielded her body.
“Death Tornado Strike!”
Lightning Dust’s eye flashed again and her body suddenly became mist-like and transparent.
“Ethereal Shift!”
Rainbow Dash went straight through her opponent and had to quickly turn on a dime, wings fanning out to catch the winds so she rotated to face the right direction. It was because of her quick reflexes that she was able to duck her head to avoid another lightning arrow.
“My life went to shit because of you and the Wonderbolts!” Lightning Dust growled as she fired a barrage of arrows, forcing her opponent to fly up into the sky. “I trained for years to be the best of the best and what do I have to show for it? Nothing!”
“You did that to yourself!” Rainbow Dash hollered back as she looped and zig-zagged, arrows whizzing past, close enough to cause her hair to stand on end. “I’m not the one who decided to whip up a tornado to clear those clouds! Death Tornado Strike!”
“But you went along with it!” Lightning Dust’s form shimmered and she transformed into a lightning bolt that zapped back into the cloud she rode on, narrowly dodging Rainbow Dash’s attack as it shredded stone and dirt. Lightning Dust reappeared on top of her cloud. “You’re just as guilty as I am!”
“You know what else happened that day?!” From below, Spitfire shifted her forelegs to get a better grip on the branch. “She saved her friends, admitted what she did was wrong, and showed integrity! You trashed my office before leaving and superglued a picture of your ass to the front of my desk!”
“See? Total fixation!”
“Shut up!” Lightning Dust’s eye flashed and her cloud descended over the cliff, putting her at the same altitude with the exhausted Wonderbolts. She aimed her crossbow at them threateningly, her lips curled in a vicious snarl. “You’re not involved in this!”
Ever defiant in the face of danger – to Soarin’s displeasure – Spitfire lifted her chin and stubbornly replied, “I don’t see how I can’t be involved in this.”
“Hey!”
Rainbow Dash swooped in from a diagonal angle and punched Lightning Dust off her cloud. The vexed mare tumbled towards the ground for a moment or two before transforming to lightning and zapping back onto her cloud, now sporting a wicked shiner.
“This is between you and me, not them!” Rainbow Dash hovered in place, facing off against her opponent, and the two circled each other in the wide expanse of sky.
Lightning Dust snarled and spat off the side of her cloud. “Idiot! This isn’t just about you; this is about everypony that got me kicked out in the first place!” She whipped out her crossbow and fired another salvo of arrows. “My tornado idea was perfect!”
“Really?!” Rainbow Dash flew low, looped about, and came round at Lightning Dust. “You’re freaking delusional! You’re the one that couldn’t control it in the first place! I was doing fine until you crashed out! Tornado Death Strike!”
“Ethereal Shift!” Lightning Dust waited until her foe passed through her before solidifying and shooting several more arrows at her back. “So what? A bunch of trained Wonderbolts and recruits couldn’t stop one tornado? That’s pathetic!”
“My, somepony’s in denial,” Rarity clucked her tongue disapprovingly as the others spared a sympathetic wince when a few arrows struck Rainbow Dash in the back. “How immature.”
Applejack shrugged, watching as their friend recovered and turned to face her opponent, her forelegs coming together as winds gathered around the limbs. “Some ponies jes’ have tha’ sort of inflated pride. RD sometimes talks a big game, but she ain’t never gonna be tha’ bad.”
“Whirlwind Blast!”
Twilight perked an eyebrow as she watched her friend push both her forehooves forward to send out a blast of wind that caught Lightning Dust and made her spin around on the cloud like a twist top.
A dangerous, crossbow wielding twirl top that announced their displeasure of being spun with a series of garbled curses.
‘The griffons have actual magic that controls wind, don’t they? Maybe I should start studying up on that when this is all over. Some of ponykind’s greatest achievements have been through the studying and expanding on other races’ ideas.’
Twilight hummed to herself thoughtfully as Pinkie whooped and jumped at her side, spilling popcorn everywhere.
“Woo-hoo! Go, Dashie! Go, Dashie! If you can’t do it, then maybe Fluttershy can!”
“Wh-what? V-violence? Oh no, th-that’s too violent for me!”
“Alright, y-you’re really…” Lightning Dust swayed on her cloud as she struggled to focus on the angry Rainbow Dashes that hovered several yards away. “G-getting on my nerves. Th-that cloning technique w-won’t help you! Huagh!”
“Ew!” Rainbow Dash made a face as Lightning Dust blew chunks over the side of her cloud. “Did you have… fish?!”
“So?” Lightning Dust swiped her chin, cheeks red. “It’s not technically meat-meat! Lots of pegasi eat fish!”
Meanwhile…
“Oh, the long trek is murder on Trixie’s hooves…” Trixie stumbled onwards to the mountain path that led to Canterlot city. Her cape and hat each weighed at least a few pounds, but she wouldn’t dare take it off; she needed to be at maximum mysteriousness at all times! “Her stamina is waning… her belly is rumbling… her thighs are sweating… but her spirit is strong!”
The Great and Powerful magician held her head up high, fuelled purely by love and the desire to complete her task.
A different task and a personal one.
For it was a task she elected to perform herself, for the first time since she became a chess piece in the Chaos Lord’s game.
That battle had opened her eyes to new possibilities and she needed to repay that kindness for the Great and Powerful Trixie was also Benevolent and Grateful.
No doubt her former lord would be vexed by what she was planning to do… but so be it.
“Trixie will be triumphant!” She raised her head further so she was staring straight up at the sky, her perfect teeth bared in a dazzling smile. “You hear Trixie, my love?! Trixie will be-”
SPLAT
“I tire of these petty games…” Lightning Dust snorted and the glow of her eye brightened to a point that brought discomfort to look at it. “You don’t know real power, you don’t what a real pegasi is capable of.”
“…” Rainbow Dash’s ears twitched as she frowned thoughtfully at nothing in particular. It was only when she heard Lightning Dust clear her throat in irritation did she come back to her senses. “Huh? Oh, thought I heard somepony… Er, what were you saying?”
“…”
Lightning Dust scowled vehemently before opening her mouth wide to let out a powerful scream.
Glowing cracks spread out from her glowing eye and across her face like she was literally breaking apart into pieces, but there was a raw feeling of power and strength in the air; it was so thick and heavy that Rainbow Dash felt a chill run down her spine, and it became harder to flap her wings.
“The hell?” Rainbow Dash hovered in place awkwardly as she felt a familiar tremor in her bones. Still, she looked up, just to confirm her feeling. “A… storm?”
“Ooh, look at the angry clouds!” Pinkie giggled brightly, completely unaware of her friends’ uneasy and fearful expressions and body language.
Twilight had felt the signs of an approaching storm, but she didn’t expect one to literally blow in from nowhere, and at such a dizzying speed!
Clouds lacked the traits to be alive and therefore, lacked the capability to have emotions, but the way the massive expanse of dark grey billowed in from every direction and covered the blue sky from sight with a bone-shaking rumble of thunder… well, if she had to assign an emotion to describe it, then, yes, it would have to be ‘anger’.
The amount of light dropped drastically and made it all that much harder to see Lightning Dust, who was still screaming and slowly levitating into the air, golden light pouring out from her eyes and streaming from the widening cracks in her body. The cloud she had stood on whipped upwards to merge into the churning storm high above, as if it was alive and not just a cluster of evaporated water molecules.
Bzzz-CRACK
Wonderful – now there was actual lightning arcing down at random points. However, Twilight noticed that with each strike, they seemed to be getting closer to hitting-
Bzzz-CRACK
Bzzz-CRACK
Bzzz-CRACK
“Gah!” Twilight had to look away from the blinding flashes that stung her eyes whenever Lightning Dust attracted another yellow bolt. Theoretically, pegasi could survive quite a few direct hits if their Aura was particularly strong, but this… no, something was going down. “What’s happening?!”
If anypony answered, then their voices must have been drowned out by the lightning, for that was all Twilight could hear. Closing her eyes did little to ease her discomfort, the flashes were still bright even behind the protection of her eyelids.
The dreadful experience came to a sudden and abrupt halt a few moments later, but the silence actually seemed louder and more threatening.
Regardless, Twilight cautiously opened her eyes and looked back to the two opponents, squinting to see through the colourful spots dancing in her peripheral.
The storm was still there and it was still so dark, but the lightning had stopped.
As for the opponents…
Rainbow Dash was still hovering in the same spot, but was completely tense and high on alert. Her breathing was heavy, her eyes narrowed, and her forelegs wrapped in swirling wind currents.
Lightning Dust, on the other hoof, was hovering in place without the use of her wings; they hung as limply as the rest of her body, and though her head was bowed and framed in shadow, a wisp of golden smoke rose from one eye. It sparkled gently and drifted lazily, behaving nothing like the tiny sparks of electricity that jumped and danced along her body.
“… Heh…”
Lightning Dust slowly raised her head and flashed her foe a menacing rictus, all the more terrifying from the light that throbbed deep within her gullet, giving her face a skeletal appearance.
“Heh heh…”
Slowly, she extended her forelegs to the sides… and that’s when the rain started coming down.
“Heh heh heh heh heh heh ha ha ha ha ha!!”
Lightning Dust exploded into a sphere of golden light.
Rainbow Dash let out an undignified squawk of fright and flapped her wings to fly backwards, half-blinded as the sphere rapidly grew to the size of a bear, then a house, and then to half the size of Canterlot Castle.
There was a second explosion that dispersed the sphere and a massive shape flared out with a tremendous roar.
Rainbow Dash stopped in place, jaw dropping as her eyes tried to convince her brain that they were not, in fact, broken.
“Oh… Mother… Faust…”
Twilight and her friends – yes, even Pinkie, who dropped her popcorn bucket in shock – stared in open-mouthed astonishment and awe at the thing that came from the sphere.
“Wh…?” Twilight helplessly gestured towards the air, eyes rolling about. “How does…? Buh?!”
“Whoa…” Spitfire lowered her sunglasses to get a better view. “That’s…”
“So…” Soarin continued with a dumbstruck expression.
“Awesome…” Rainbow Dash pressed her forehooves against her cheeks and made a wheezing squee deep in her throat.
A dragon stared down at the pegasus, each beat of its massive wings producing hurricane-like winds and sending bolts of lightning up into the clouds. The behemoth was all shades of yellow and literally composed of lightning; its form shuddered and shifted constantly, making any form of accurate measurement difficult, but it was most definitely only a few metres short on the red dragon that once blanketed Ponyville in smoke.
The eyes glowed white like miniature suns and when it opened its mouth, thick clouds poured out; they produced rain almost immediately, and the droplets turned to steam once they made contact with the dragon.
It seemed to be smirking, but it was hard to tell with the way its mouth shifted and trembled.
“Behold my true… awesome power!”
Lightning Dust, the Storm-Eater
Currently over-compensating because of mommy issues
To be Continued…
Chapter 4: The Chapter Between The Third and Fifth Chapter
“Nope. Not my fault. Totally exempt from blame,” Lightning Dust turned her nose up in the air as she hovered above Twilight and her friends while repeatedly upturning buckets of chum on them. “Nothing I could do.”
“Imma beat yo ass!” Rainbow Dash shook the pulverized flesh from her mane and shot into the air, hooves lashing out at blinding speed. “Ass Beat Hyper Combo!”
“Ow, my ass!” Lightning Dust frantically flew away, forehooves rubbing her reddened rump as she pushed her bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout. “Whatever – I’m gonna turn into a dragon made of lightning and crush that puss.”
Rainbow Dash cocked her head in confusion. “Uh… wha-?”
Lightning Dust transformed into a dragon.“Rawr!”
Episode 5
Celestiaを一度セックスを通してそれを疲れることで村を破壊から竜を停止しました Seresutia o ichido sekkusu o tōshite sore o tsukareru koto de mura o hakai kara ryū o teishi shimashita – Even More Dramatic Battle on Canterlot Mountain!!
“Hooooowww?!”
Lightning Dust ignored Twilight’s despairing cry and inhaled deeply, her summoned form inflating and sending out random spikes of jagged lightning. “Not feeling so tough now, are ya, Dashie old pal?! Why don’t you turn into a dragon?”
“…” Rainbow Dash made several unsuccessful attempts to manually close her mouth before finally achieving the desired outcome. She laughed nervously and waved it off, scoffing, “Pshaw! So you morphed into a… totally cool dragon made of lightning. Not that cool. And so what if you did? I’m still gonna kick your ass!”
“Breath of Ire!”
Lightning Dust split open her massive jaws and unleased a blinding beam of yellow lightning that completely swallowed Rainbow Dash from sight and continued downwards to strike the side of the mountain.
The shockwave of the attack was enough to send Twilight and the others falling flat on their rears; they crouched together and Twilight put up a magical barrier over their heads to deflect falling rocks.
“Waaaaaah!” Soarin cried from below as he clung to Spitfire. The two Wonderbolts swayed violently from the force and the branch creaked pitifully as the roots started losing their grip in the rocks. “Why do I go along with these things?!”
“Because there is nothing else in Equestria that deserves our time and efforts!” Spitfire shouted back.
Meanwhile, in Manehatten…
“Mmkay, this is actually pretty suck-y…”
Suri Polomare hid beneath the round table outside a café with her beleaguered assistant, Coco Pommel. Both mares watched – one with irritated indifference and one with bewilderment – as ponies ran to and fro, screaming and hollering curses.
The ground shook as their pursuers… well, pursued them.
Neither mare knew exactly what they were; they resembled ponies, but were ridiculously scaled up in size. The smallest one they had seen was the size of a small house while the largest one could easily peer over some of the tallest buildings. They were also quite deformed-looking, whether it was due to bugged-out eyes, impossibly wide mouths, or masses that weren’t quite proportionate or symmetrical.
Whatever they were, they chased after ponies relentlessly, and when they caught one…
“Aiieeeee!”
Suri and Coco winced at the shrill sound as a mare was snatched up off the street by a two-storey high giant. Its horn was curled and cracked, but its magic was strong, and it telekinetically levitated the mare to float in front of its split-cheek smile.
“Noooo!” The mare shrieked in dismay as primitive but determined magic plucked at the satchel hanging at her side. The flap opened and several cards bearing illustrations and brief descriptions of fantastic and strange creatures floated out. “No, those are limited edition! It took me two hours to get all of them and I had to walk two blocks for the last one! Please – I’m so lazy!”
The giant was deaf to her heart-breaking cries and stowed the cards away in its mouth before gently placing the sobbing mare back on the streets. It turned and lumbered away, driven by an insatiable urge to collect.
Suri blankly stared at the ruined mare who curled up on the street, decided it was uncomfortable, and moved over to crawl beneath another café table. Her tears started up a moment later and Suri rolled her eyes.
“Ugh, whatever. Coco, I’m hungry – go get me a bagel and some coffee.”
A second later, she was surprised when a bagel and a cup of coffee were placed in front of her. There was even a napkin!
“Huh, that was fast,” Suri picked up the sweet-smelling bagel and took a whiff, grinning dreamily. “Why can’t you be that fast all the time?”
“… B-because it wasn’t me.”
“… What?”
Suri felt something cold and slimy drape across her shoulder, and after a moment of dread-filled hesitation, looked over.
Coco had moved to hide beneath a different table and stared with wide, apologetic eyes as a pony-sized squid blinked a huge eye at Suri and shifted more of its tentacles so they wrapped around the shivering mare.
How it was standing upright on boneless limbs and without water to support its body… Suri had no idea.
“Oh Faust…” Suri whimpered as a tentacle brushed her chest. “Please don’t tell me this is going where I think it’s going…”
The squid winked. “You know it, baby.”
“C-Coco, help!”
Coco stared at them…
… then slowly smiled as she lifted a camera and readied her hoof against the button.
“Th-this is like one of m-my mangas.”
Back to our ‘heroes’…
Lightning Dust’s powerful attack came to an end, the sound of lightning echoing in the far distance. She pulled her head back, rapidly-shifting fangs showing in a sadistic smile as she watched a smoking and charred Rainbow Dash hover in place. Her eyes were wide and blank and tendrils of electricity danced across her body.
“You were saying?”
“… Gack!” Rainbow Dash coughed up a tiny puff of grey smoke and spun in place several times to get rid of the soot and ash, her grey-tinted fur returning to its cyan colour once more. “Woof. Okay, yeah, whatever – that was pretty strong. But it doesn’t matter how strong you are or how badass you may look… I will fight you with my last breath because my friends are counting on me! And with my friends backing me up… there’s nothing I can’t do!”
“Lick your elbow.”
“… Nani?” Rainbow Dash pulled up her right foreleg, bent her hoof towards her face, and craned her neck forwards. “Ngh! Grr! Maybe if I stick my tongue out then… Wait, do I even have elbows?”
WHAP
“Motherfuuuuuuu"
Lightning Dust cackled evilly as Rainbow Dash sailed far away from the mountain. She whipped her tail back behind her and stretched out her massive wings. Spires of lightning shot out from the tips of her wings and into the boiling mass of dark clouds above them; she didn’t so much as fly to Rainbow Dash so much as the very clouds carried her there, they stretched and covered more sky to do so, blanketing the land in darkness.
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight called in alarm. She dissipated her arcane barrier and spread her wings.
“Uh-uh, sugarcube!” Applejack snapped her teeth around the alicorn’s tail and yanked her back. Once Twilight’s rump was firmly seated on the dirt, she spat out the hair and said, “Ah know ya’ll are worried, but if’n any of ya go flyin’ out there, ah’m pretty sure tha’ storm’s gonna give yer hides a nasty tan.”
“But do you see that nonsensical construct?” Twilight protested and pointed out to the horizon. Lightning Dust was impossible to miss; she glowed so brightly it was like a second sun. “You’ve all gone up against very unusual odds, but this seems a tad too far.”
“Ya’ll jes’ gotta have faith in tha’ girl,” Applejack replied. She placed a comforting hoof on her friend’s shoulder and smiled warmly. “Seriously, how many times have we gone up against near-impossible odds an’ gave those odds a lickin’?”
“To be fair, most of those times were resolved by a ‘deus ex machina’.”
“Ah have no idea what that means,” Applejack informed her cheerily. “But whatever fancy words ya’ll can throw out don’t change th’ fact tha’ so long as we believe in each other… we can do anythin’!”
As the rest of the girls gathered around and lent their support, Twilight felt her worries ease and warmth flare in her chest.
Lightning Dust’s new form seemed unstoppable, especially from a scientific point of view… but maybe… she just needed to stop applying logic and science.
Just for this adventure.
…
A long-shot, but one worth trying.
‘After all…’ Twilight thought as she turned her attention back to the distant battle. ‘Trying anything at least once is exactly what science is about!’
It inspired her to finally take the step and try that ‘atom-splitting’ experiment in her basement.
“Fly, Dash, fly! Hah hah hah!”
Rainbow Dash did just that.
Sweat poured down her face as she pushed herself to the limit, not because she was awesome and had to show off, but because she actually needed to if she wanted to avoid a lightning bolt to the ass or a swipe of a massive paw.
‘The hell, egghead?! You told me lightning didn’t have mass or… whatever!’
“Breath of Ire!"
Thank Faust that they were obligated to cry out the names of their special attacks before actually doing them otherwise it would be way harder to dodge all of this.
She barrel-rolled several times to get out of the blast radius and grimaced when she looked down and saw the stream of yellow lightning blaze a scorched path into the earth.
‘Jeez, there’s gonna be about… seventeen farmers calling for blood after this.’
"Implosion of Despair!"
Lightning Dust wrapped her massive body in her wings and suddenly disappeared in a huge burst of sparks and yellow light.
Rainbow Dash screeched to a halt and turned in place, frowning. “Uh…? Hello? Where’d ya go? If you leave, does that mean I win?”
In answer, a tiny light particle appeared in front of her.
She stared at it.
It let off a spark and a low droning note filled the air; it made her teeth vibrate unpleasantly.
“Uh-oh,” Rainbow Dash blanched and turned again, wings flapping furiously as she summoned a cone of wind around her body. “Super-brave Flee of Terror!”
The whipping winds gave her the immediate push she needed to bravely fly away as the particle swelled to an enormous sphere of lightning that threatened to swallow anything in its path. Even with her legendary speed, the hairs on her tail were singed as the sphere got too close, and when Lightning Dust emerged from the attack, it produced a wave of kinetic force that hammered against her eardrums.
Rainbow Dash came out of her vortex with no sense of direction and spiralled towards the earth.
Lightning Dust watched her foe fall with a dark feeling of accomplishment and roared with laughter, bolts streaming from her empty eye sockets. “Ha ha ha! You suck, I rule – the universe has spoken! Mwa ha ha ha ha!!”
The laughter echoed in Rainbow Dash’s head even as she crashed into a hill, face-first, and tunnelled straight through soil to burst out the other side.
Several times she bounced against the land before she finally skidded to a complete stop, her battered body aching terribly and her ears still ringing from the shockwave.
“Ugh… No… I can’t lose…” Rainbow Dash clenched her teeth and rolled over onto her back. “Gotta… beat her…” She tried to sit up, but instead fell back again. “Gotta… win…”
There was no sunlight, but she felt the enormous shadow over her all the same, and lifted her gaze skywards. Her pupils shrunk.
“Shit.”
“Breath of Ire!”
Twilight gasped, as did the others, when Lightning Dust blasted their prone friend with a vicious attack. “Rainbow Dash!”
“Hey, that’s takin’ it too far, ya varmint!” Applejack shouted with a shake of her hoof.
They couldn’t see their friend anymore; she had been swallowed by the beam of lightning and the building-sized clouds of dust that billowed up from Lightning Dust’s attack stripping away layer after layer of soil.
Lightning Dust eventually ran out of breath, but she just took a deep inhale, shouted the name of her attack, and pummelled Rainbow Dash with the beam again, sadistic enjoyment written clearly across her draconic face.
“I can’t watch!” Fluttershy whimpered and hid her face in Pinkie’s shoulder, who held the shivering mare comfortingly.
Meanwhile, in Canterlot…
“Discord… this seems a little much.”
Celestia looked away from the eyepiece of her telescope and turned to the floating draconequus that was leisurely scoffing down half-green, half-purple grapes. He paid no heed to the battle raging off in the distance, so great that it could be seen even from Celestia’s balcony without the apparatus.
“Lightning Dust is taking this too personally,” Luna agreed with a disapproving glare as she melted out of her sister’s shadow. “We should intervene.”
“Oh, pish-posh!” Discord waved off the sisters’ concerns, eyeing the last grape on the stem. “It’s not as if anypony’s actually going to be killed in all this,” Opening his mouth wide, he placed the grape, stem and all, into his maw and snapped his teeth together. A second mouth grew on his long neck. “Besides, that little daredevil’s taken far worse punishment when she does her regular exercises.”
Overlooked by the trio, Star Secret quietly emerged out onto the balcony and operated the telescope herself.
A wicked grin took up her face as she watched Lightning Dust mercilessly electrocute her opponent.
“Really, there’s no need for such concern and worry,” Discord’s second mouth winked out of existence as he pulled out the stem from his primary maw. Inexplicably, it had regrown every grape he had plucked from it. “Just sit back and enjoy the flashy fighting and over-the-top antics that has become such a staple in anime culture. Why, even Star Secret’s getting into it!”
Star Secret chuckled menacingly as her lips stretched into a deranged grin. “Yes! Die screaming! Ah hah hah hah!”
“Well, it is nice to see her having fun,” Celestia said with a nod. “Normally, she’s so stoic. I think this will do wonders to bring out the fun-loving side I know is in there.”
“Suffer in despair, you bastion of saccharine waste!”
Luna nodded as well with a cheerful smile. “I think that as well!”
And back to our heroes…
Rainbow Dash was in a world of pain.
It was like taking a shower, but instead of water, it was lightning, and instead of a pleasant warmth that relaxed her muscles, it was a burning sensation that covered the entirety of her body. She tried to curse it out, but got a mouthful of electricity.
Whitens the teeth and clears out any bacteria and scraps, but it was about as nice as chewing on ice cubes with exposed roots.
‘Argh, this sucks!’
There was no way her regular attacks would work against Lightning Dust in this new form, but there was something she had in her arsenal – a pretty damn good trump card.
The problem was… she needed space to actually deploy it and to not be constantly bombarded.
‘Faust, why didn’t I just make it so it instantly happened by thinking it? Oh… right…’
It was less awesome that way.
Welp, no use complaining about it now; deal with the cards you have, right?
“Hrrk! Grrr!”
Rainbow Dash pushed back against the flow of electricity with sheer determination, but could barely move an inch before she was pressed back against the dirt. She flailed her legs about for a grip, but the dirt that wasn’t covered by her body was beginning to turn glassy and smooth, so that sucked.
‘Come on, you big, dumb, cool dragon bitch! You got all that hot air, but I know you’re gonna run out soon enough! Just gotta... hold… on… until…’
The relief when the stream of lightning cut out was immeasurable and she just had to take a second to inhale gratefully before spitting up clouds of smoke.
“Gyahahahah!!” Lightning Dust cackled above her, the constant shifting and spitting of her body causing spots to appear in Rainbow Dash’s vision. “Still you go on?! Gotta admit that you’ve got guts, RD, but no amount of bravado is gonna save you from me! Won’t be too long before you’re begging for it to stop!”
“Blah-ack!-blah blah!” Rainbow Dash shouted back at the top of her lungs. “This is nothing! I’ve been in rainstorms that sting worse than this!”
That was a lie and she could almost see Applejack shaking her head in admonishment.
Lightning Dust scoffed at her opponent’s words and the dark clouds above lit up from an errant bolt arcing from one spot to the other. “We’ll see what your tune is after a few more minutes! Breath of Ire!”
Rainbow Dash smirked as her vision was swamped by a searing yellow light.
This blast was even more powerful than the last and Lightning Dust felt malicious joy upon imagining Rainbow Dash breaking down into sobs, begging for her to stop, and being forced to admit how much better and more attractive Lightning Dust was, and how she should have been the one still in the Wonderbolt ranks.
Just a few more moments and that would surely be the end of it.
This little ‘adventure’ would come to an end, all because of her!
“Wow, you’re really going at it, huh?”
Lightning Dust stopped exhaling and laughed with a nod. “You know it. You watch – I bet she’ll be crying once the dust clears.”
“That’d be something to see.”
“Heh heh – yeah.”
“… Huh, I don’t see her.”
“What?” Lightning Dust bristled in anger and confusion when the building-sized clouds of dust cleared from the ground and instead of a mewling pegasus down on her knees, there was a small tunnel drilled into a patch of dirt that had yet to be reduced to glass. “Tunnelled through the earth? Graagh! Smart but she won’t escape me.”
“I don’t think she’s trying to escape.”
Lightning Dust snorted and turned her massive head to the side. “Well, what would she be trying to…?”
Rainbow Dash stretched and flexed her muscles with a cocksure grin. Her spine gave a pop as she pointed her hooves up and a sheen of rainbow wavered across her like light through a prism.
“Eeyup.”
“… Breath of-”
Rainbow Dash inflated her lungs with air and let it all out in a massive battle cry. The tremendous sound whipped up an expanding cyclone around her body that was powerful enough to interrupt Lightning Dust’s attack and send her recoiling a few dozen yards.
“But…” Twilight shook her head. “But lightning doesn’t have mass. There’s… there’s no… Applejack, there’s no mass.”
“Ah know, sugarcube.”
“There’s no- Hey, why are you shaking your head?”
“Grr!” Lightning Dust managed to right herself and hissed in frustration. “You little punk!”
Rainbow Dash couldn’t hear her over her own awesomeness and the roar of wind as a whipping tornado embraced her with a funnel as thick as Lightning Dust’s torso. Her residual power seeped into the weather anomaly and rays of rainbow light cut through the strong air currents. They were incredibly bright, but Lightning Dust had no eyes to be debilitated.
“So she’s powering up as well, huh?” Lightning Dust snorted and sent out a shower of sparks from both nostrils. “Hmph – not that it really matters; she’ll never be as strong as I am,” She snickered cruelly and bared crackling fangs in a large grin. “I’ll let her charge up so she’s all the more defeated when I whoop her ass just as hard.”
The tornado suddenly dispersed as a massive form burst forth from its centre.
A dark grey wolf that was easily as large and long as Lightning Dust landed on thin air, and snarled menacingly with teeth made of tornadoes and a coat made of several hurricanes seamlessly mixing together around a sphere of perfect calmness located in the centre of its half-translucent body. Twin almond-shaped orbs of rainbow light were suspended in its head, and they shone so brightly it could be seen for miles.
The massive wolf gave a deep chuckle. “Alright then…”
Rainbow Dash, Shadow of Harmony
The fury of a storm sealed within a young mare’s heart finally unleashed
Lightning Dust snarled and brought her claws together. “Orbs of Malice!”
Five orbs of spitting electricity formed between her claws and zipped forwards.
Rainbow Dash batted them into the clouds with her cyclonic tail like they were baseballs and charged, her house-sized paws slapping against the air as if it were solid dirt and carrying her towards her opponent with the speed of a raging typhoon. She collided with Lightning Dust’s underbelly head-first, and then reared up on her hindlegs to swipe at her face while she was stunned.
The blow sent Lightning Dust flipping backwards, the length of her tail scraping the ground below and sending up enormous sprays of dirt and clouds of dust. Rainbow Dash pounced after her with the intention of putting her whirling teeth to work, but Lightning Dust suddenly regained her balance, and twirled in place so her tail caught Rainbow Dash in the temple.
Rainbow Dash yelped, and tumbled off to the side, narrowly managing to flip back on her feet and remain aloft so she wouldn’t cause any more environmental damage.
Seriously, once the farmers stopped gawking at the sight of two elemental behemoths clashing in the sky, they were gonna be pissed.
“Rending Monsoon!”
The winds on Rainbow Dash’s paws intensified as she loped forwards, reared up, and slammed her weight down.
Lightning Dust flapped her wings and quickly jerked backwards, guffawing as Rainbow Dash’s paws missed and struck empty air. “Ha ha ha haaaarrggghh!”
A powerful updraft exploded from Rainbow Dash’s paws and sent Lightning Dust higher into the sky, flailing and roaring all the way. The Element of Loyalty followed, her paws slapping against thin air yet again so she could sprint upwards at a perfect vertical angle.
“Wind… Sword!”
A sword as wide and long as one of Ponyville’s streets formed between Rainbow Dash’s jaws; she shifted the blade into a diagonal position and swung to the side as she ran past Lightning Dust.
Her strike was true, and her opponent roared in pain as a clean slice appeared in her side. She clutched at it with her talons, panting heavily and bleeding golden sparks.
“W-Wind Sword? What kind of…?”
“Hey, give me a break,” Rainbow Dash inhaled and the sword was absorbed back into her body. “I didn’t have time to make up cool names for each of this form’s attacks.”
“Yeah, ‘cause you suck.”
“How does that make any sense?”
“Because you’re literally a walking tornado. Ergo, you suck.”
“I suck up all the awesome in the world, you mean!”
“You’re about to suck up my fist with your face! Crazy Crusher!”
“This is, uh…” Twilight faltered as her otherwise expansive vocabulary decided to take a momentary reprieve. “This is-” A wave of concussive force made her flinch as Lightning Dust landed a powerful blow in the distance. Rainbow Dash flew back several hundred yards, flipped and slowed her momentum by dragging her claws against air again – somehow producing sparks – and lunging back at her foe. Twilight shook her head. “I think I need a more exotic word to describe what’s happening.”
“Awesome-tacular-licious?!” Pinkie suggested.
“Avant-garde?” Rarity offered.
“Ostentatious-like?” Applejack put in.
“Unusual?!” Spitfire yelled up.
“Dangerous?!” Soarin squeaked.
“… Nice?” Fluttershy whispered.
“Hmm… I think I’ll go with Applejack’s suggestion. Rarity, yours is a close second, though.”
“Alas, we can’t win all the time.”
The clouds rumbled ominously as the two behemoths took their battle higher and higher, bolts of lightning and blasts of gale-force winds being thrown out every which way as they struggled for supremacy.
Rainbow Dash was more agile and could launch surprising attacks from any angle with her ability to literally ‘climb’ air, but Lightning Dust was physically stronger and her lightning attacks could reach miles in terms of distance.
But even so…
“You won’t win!” Lightning Dust roared with another exhale of lightning that just about skimmed Rainbow Dash’s side. She paid for her failed attack by a flash of teeth tearing out a chunk in her side. Despite the pain and loss of mass, Lightning Dust persisted with a determined clench of her teeth. “I won’t lose again this time! You won’t take this victory away from me! Orbs of Malice!”
“Do you even hear yourself?!” Rainbow Dash pounced forwards, took the orbs head-on, ignored the gaping hole in her chest, and smashed her paws down in front of her opponent. “Rending Monsoon!” As Lightning Dust was blasted backwards, Rainbow Dash pounced again with a booming howl that echoed for miles across. “Get the hell over it!”
Lightning Dust let out a cry of pain and frustration as Rainbow Dash landed on her chest. She tried to teleport, but Rainbow Dash closed her jaws around Lightning Dust’s long neck and gave a mighty heave, throwing the dragon up into the sky.
“It’s all about you, isn’t it?! Sundowner Drive!” Vertically running up again, Rainbow Dash leapt and rapidly turned in clockwise spins like a giant drill. She flashed past her foe, drawing another wound in the process, and abruptly stopped in the air so she could tilt her body to face her foe again. “Always about how you got shafted, about how you deserved this and that! Sundowner Drive!”
Lightning Dust wheezed pitifully as Rainbow Dash struck her in the belly with the weight and force of an ancient mountain. She saw stars and spots as the world flashed by and tensed up, preparing for the unforgiving sting of her back hitting the ground.
Rainbow Dash wasn’t so merciful.
“Anypony who talks like that seriously needs some lessons in friendship! Rending Monsoon!”
An updraft halted their descent when they were only a few dozen metres from hitting a small hill and launched them both back up. Lightning Dust was so disoriented she couldn’t tell right from left, much less react as Rainbow Dash reared up on her hind legs once their acceleration slowed and they floated around at the apex of their ascent.
“And the first lesson is…” Rainbow Dash’s iridescent eyes shone brighter and brighter, cutting through the darkness of the storm. “Don’t underestimate the power of friendship…”
Lightning Dust balked as the foreign sensation of fear crept into her heart when she saw the miasma of rainbow light surrounding her opponent’s eyes. “Ah, fff-”
“Because friendship is badass! FinalBlow:BaneofTartarus!”
Elsewhere…
“Ah can’t believe it… Ah jes’ can’t believe it…”
“We couldn’t have known, Apple Bloom. Please don’t beat yourself up.”
“Was… Was it mah fault?”
Apple Bloom held her head between her forehooves and stared down at the table’s surface. Her sundae was beginning to melt, but it was long forgotten; Apple Bloom had ordered it habitually, and had no desire to taste it.
“No, no!” Sweetie Belle shook her head and, with her good foreleg, patted her friend’s shoulder sympathetically. “Scootaloo… she’s the one that made her decision to betray us. This is nobody’s fault but her own.”
“She hurt ya, Sweetie…”
“I-”
“How can ah fergive mahself for lettin’ tha’ happen?” Apple Bloom clenched her eyes shut in despair and slapped her hoof down on the table. “Stupid!”
“Hey! Careful – you almost spilled my sundae.”
“Ah’m tryin’ ta be dramatic-like over here,” Apple Bloom said, her disposition almost immediately switching to annoyed as she looked across the table. “An’ anyway, traitors can’t talk here! This is the base of the Hyper Omega Extended Uncut Cutie Mark Crusaders.”
Scootaloo rolled her eyes and dug at her sundae with a small plastic spoon. “You know, part of the reason I defected was because I got super-tired of saying all of that. At least with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, it’s less of a mouthful.”
“Ya’ll are jes’ lazy.”
“I dunno…” Sweetie Belle pulled her ‘crippled’ foreleg out of its sling to scratch her chin thoughtfully. “She’s got a point, I think.”
“Their name is th’ ‘Flaunt Force’!” Apple Bloom threw her forelegs into the air. “Their motto is literally ‘Better than you times infinity plus one’!”
“But that’s their motto…” Scootaloo pointed out. “All we need to actually shout when we attack is… is…”
Scootaloo trailed off and tilted her head in awe at something behind Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. Curious, the two fillies followed their close and traitorous friend’s gaze, and then reacted similarly.
“Is tha’… a Sonic Rainboom?”
Numerous rings of rainbow light cascaded across the sky like the ripples of a pond. They were already beginning to dissipate by the time they reached out over Ponyville, so the source of the rainbow rings must have been farther off.
“Aw, so cool!” Scootaloo grinned happily and her ting wings buzzed in excitement. “I bet that’s Rainbow Dash laying down the smack on some bad guys.”
Sweetie Belle hummed in agreement and re-crippled her leg while Apple Bloom continued staring up at the fading rings, frowning. “Hey, Miss Cheerilee said tha’ light travels faster than sound an’ stuff.”
Scootaloo nodded, a little confused by the unexpected fact. “Yeah, so?”
“When do ya think th’ sound will hit us?”
Scootaloo’s reply was drowned out by a blast of wind that blew out a few windows and choked the streets with thick dust.
Back to where things are ostentatious…
Naturally, there were lingering effects after witnessing such a spectacular explosion of friendship-powered magic. The five mares watching from the mountain path were rendered blind for a few moments; they blinked and groaned and wiped at their eyes until the expanse of nothingness faded.
Spitfire and Soarin, too, had to wipe their eyes, and…
…
That wasn’t a smart move.
Anyway, once the five mares could see again, the first thing they saw was Rainbow Dash, back to her old equine body, hovering towards them. Lightning Dust was slung across her back, fully equine and groaning like she had a hangover.
“Dashie, you won!” Pinkie squeed and zipped over to her pegasus friend once she landed. “I knew you could do it!”
“Was there ever any doubt?” Rainbow Dash grinned cockily and weathered her friend’s iron-grip hug. “Rainbow Dash always gets the job done and always looks badass doing i… Ghk… A-actually, c-could you loosen your grip a bit?”
“Oh dear, when Lightning Dust just kept attacking you when you were on the ground…” Fluttershy whimpered in distress. “It was so horrible.”
“I guess anything’s fair when it comes to fighting,” Rainbow Dash lowered her front half and tilted so Lightning Dust slid off her back and onto the ground. “Hey, come on – you took harder hits in Wonderbolt training. No need to cry about a little burst of rainbow power.”
“Rainbow Dash…” Twilight said with a warning tone. Truthfully, she was just as vexed at Lightning Dust as anypony else, but she wouldn’t be the princess of friendship if she didn’t extend common courtesy to somepony that was obviously in pain, even if they were rude and… well, ‘villainous’. “Here…” Offering a gentle smile, Twilight held out her forehoof. “Let me help y-”
Whap
“Don’t. Touch. Me,” Lightning Dust glared daggers as Twilight nursed her stinging hoof. “I don’t need your help. I don’t need anypony’s help,” As if to prove her point, Lightning Dust stood despite the aches in her bones, and summoned her personal cloud. She climbed onto it, all the while muttering, “I don’t need to stay here and listen to you assholes rub your victory in my face.”
“Now hold on there – we ain’t goin’ ta-”
“Shut it, farm girl. I lost. You won. That’s all there is to it. So go past or whatever.”
Rainbow Dash frowned deeply and shook her head. “Lightning Dust…”
“Go to hell.”
The fuming mare was practically frothing as she turned into lightning and stowed away into the cloud. The vessel rose up into the air and disappeared around the side of the mountain. In turn, the clouds that had rumbled in so angrily started to disperse, and there was an all-round sigh of relief as sunlight touched the land once more.
“Well… tha’ was awkward.” Applejack said while rubbing the back of her neck.
“Such a deplorable attitude,” Rarity huffed with a flick of her mane. The swords at her sides came out and criss-crossed together so she could see her reflection in their blades; she was half-sure there were still pieces of rubble in her hair. “‘Humble in victory and gracious in defeat’ she was most certainly not.”
“I dunno about that,” Rainbow Dash laughed. “I think a tiny bit of bragging is allowed. By the by… how awesome was I?”
“The awesome-est!!” Pinkie cheered with a random burst of confetti. “For your birthday, I’m gonna make a cake in the shape of a wolf, but don’t tell anybody because it’s a surprise. Ack! No, it isn’t! I just told you what it is! Oh no, now I’ll have to bash you all over the heads so you forget what I told you all.”
“Heh, good one, Pinks.”
“… Yeeaah… ‘good one’, me.”
“…” Twilight frowned as she lowered her hoof. It didn’t sting so badly; it was mostly the shock that really made her recoil. After casting one last look in the direction Lightning Dust’s cloud trailed off in, she reached out to tap Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “Rainbow, are you alright?”
“Eh? Yeah, no sweat, Egghead. You know me – tough as nails.”
“I don’t just mean physically.”
“… Ah… I mean… it sucks, right?” Rainbow Dash sighed, equal parts upset and frustrated. “I was sorta hoping that she’d calm down a little after getting beaten, but… I guess making friends by beating them up isn’t as simple as it is in anime, huh?”
“I guess not,” Twilight chuckled. “Well, it’s sad that Lightning Dust still acted that way, but you still did well. I’m proud of you… even if your fight was the most blatant in disregarding the laws of physics.”
“So it was the best fight then?”
“It was… something.”
Rainbow Dash grinned cheekily and reached up to ruffle Twilight’s mane before floating up in the air to avoid the indignant flail of her friend’s hooves. “Heh heh – come on, Chosen Killjoy! Next stop: Canterlot!”
Twilight blushed and playfully stuck her tongue out as she and the rest of her friends continued along the mountain path.
One more foe defeated.
One more step closer to the Lord of Chaos.
Meanwhile…
“What did I tell you?” Discord shrugged as Celestia and Luna moved away from the balcony’s stone parapet. “She could handle it.”
Celestia nodded hesitantly. “You’re right, but it’s a shame Lightning Dust could not accept their friendship.”
“There is too much anger in her heart,” Luna agreed. “Perhaps when she has had time to reflect, then the outcome will be more favourable, but we can only hope.”
“Oh, don’t go bringing the mood down, you two,” Discord tapped his claw against a thermometer he had pulled out of his ear. It measured ‘mood’ instead of temperature and right now it was dangerously low. “The Chosen Killjoy and her companions will shortly be in Canterlot, so we had better start preparing.”
“Yes, you’re right. Come, sister – let’s see if we can’t fit your abacus into my blender.”
Luna nodded cheerfully and it wasn’t until Celestia and Discord were nearly out the door did her brain fully register what her sister had said. “Wh…?! No! Do not lay a single thread of magic on my abacus lest you be prepared to suffer the darkest and most heinous of fates!”
“I just want to see if it’ll blend.”
“How about we see if you will blend?”
Luna melted into her own shadow and slithered after them, leaving their overlooked fourth member to remain out on the balcony.
Star Secret looked out over the city of Canterlot and inhaled deeply, her visage wavering like a rippling pond, and if anypony else were there, they might have – for the briefest of instants – seen a set of sharp fangs and draconic eyes burning with malice and sadistic glee.
‘Well, if the entire world has gone stupid… I might as well get as much enjoyment out of it as I can. I look forward to meeting you… Chosen Killjoy.’
… Wow, even thinking it sounded lame.
Chapter 5: This Chapter Was Foreshadowed In The Last Chapter's Title
“Argh, you beat me!” Lightning Dust transformed back into her pony-self and collapsed into the dirt and stuck her tongue out. “Blegh!”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah – I’m the best there ever was!” Rainbow Dash was hyped as she transformed back as well. “Hey, wanna be friends now?”
“Hellz no.”
“What a bitch.” Rainbow Dash snorted as Lightning Dust flew away.
Episode 6 Fluttershyはファンフィクションを書き込みます Fluttershy wa fanfikushon o kakikomimasu – Battle in the City in the Mountain!!
It was with immeasurable relief that Twilight and her friends entered the city of Canterlot. As it turned out, the mountain path led to a toll booth near Canterlot’s train station that had a Royal Guard stationed there to watch for any ponies brave enough to take the long way.
“Seriously, you mares must have balls of steel or something.”
“No, Applejack suplexed the train we were going to take.”
“The one scheduled to depart yesterday? Oh yeah, good decision – there were a bunch of spirits switching everypony’s luggage and putting tacks on the seats.”
“See? Ah told ya’ll it was cursed!”
After dealing with that, the six mares made their way to Canterlot Castle, which shone in the distance like a beacon of hope.
Hope for Equestria.
Hope for Twilight’s sanity.
So of course, it was only natural that there would be delays.
“Oh girls, look at that saddle!” Rarity smushed her face up against the display window, eyes sparkling hugely as she admired the clothed ponyquins. “Such craftsmanship. The usage of purple on black is simply divine!”
Applejack joined her. “Mmm…” She tilted her head curiously. “Rares? Tha’ looks a mite… what’s a word ya’ll would use? Uh, risqué, innit?”
“Oh, it is, darling…” Rarity waved her off. “But that doesn’t mean it can’t be fabulous regardless of what saucy affairs it might be intended for.”
“Huh. Well, what about tha’ saddle?”
“The white and gold one? Excellent colour contrast, but I would have used a deeper shade of gold. It’s still marvellous though, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Ah guess.”
“Ugh, there you two are!”
Twilight, for all the reverence and flank-kissing that came with being a princess, still had a tough time pushing her way through the crowd of ponies that flooded Canterlot’s busiest shopping district. After all, a shipment of crystal-adorned dresses had just come in that day, and the noblemares were on the warpath.
“Move, ya shmuck!” A middle-aged mare almost hidden beneath an abundance of frilly fabric shouted as she dashed by Twilight. She knocked over several other ponies, her inexplicably Manehatten accented voice already fading by the time her husband arrived to softly apologize to Twilight.
“Phwah!” Twilight grimaced once she was back up on her feet. In an act of desperation, she extended her wings and leapt forwards, straining for that extra bit of lift to clear the crowd of ponies and roughly land beside her friends. “Oof! Hah… hah hah! I made it!”
“Why didn’t ya jes’ fly on over?” Applejack questioned with a scrutinizing arched eyebrow as Twilight shakily stood up.
“Where are the others?” Twilight gasped out. “Pinkie was right behind me, but give that mare a second and you might as well have looked away for an hour.”
“Ah think Rainbow Dash went with Fluttershy ta pick out some chemical stuff for critter fleas. Dunno where Pinkie is.”
“Ooh, look, Twilight!” Rarity inhaled and her face practically merged with the window. “That jacket is your size. Do you think it comes in black?”
“What? I-I don’t care! We have a castle to get to,” Twilight sighed and cast a brief look through the window. “I… I’m not really a fan of jackets anyway; only ones that’d keep me warm in the winter. So can we just go find the others, please?”
“Alright, hold your mules…” Applejack nudged Rarity in the side. “Come on, sugarcube – she’s doing her puppy-dog stare technique.”
“Oh, I simply have no reversal to that!”
Twilight was confused about the technique she had apparently performed without realizing, but grateful nonetheless. She breathed a sigh of relief and turned to make her way through the frenzied crowd with two of her friends in tow.
With their help, surely they would be able to find the others soon?
‘Hopefully.’
Whump
Twilight bounced off a stallion and shook her head before saying, “Oh, sorry, sir.”
“My fault entirely, young lady.” The stallion reached up to adjust his straw hat before moving on alongside another stallion with an almost exact appearance.
“Jeez…” Twilight shook her head at her own inattention and moved along. “Now, if I were a hyperactive pink pony, where would I…?”
…
Wait a second.
Twilight turned to look over her shoulder. Her eyes widened and her face went white. “Oh no…”
“What?” Applejack asked in concern, already turning to see what-
“Nope! It’s nothing! Avert your eyes and continue marching forwards!” Twilight ordered, her magic flaring so she could force Rarity and Applejack to follow, ignoring their indignant cries and protests. “Left and right, and left and right, and-”
“H-hey! Hey, I say, wait a second!” A male voice cried out from behind. “Brother, quickly – they’re attempting to escape from a nonsensical and pointless challenge!”
“The gall!” A similar-sounding voice replied, equally wrathful.
Struggling to fight off Twilight’s none-too-weak magical hold, Applejack pricked her ears at the stallions giving chase. “Now hang on a sec’ – ah know those voices.”
“No, you don’t. It’s all in your head. You’re hearing things. None of this is real. None of- move, ya shmuck!”
“You move, ya shmuck!”
Unfortunately, the strength bestowed upon Twilight as a result of her alicorn ascension still wasn’t enough to match the weight and softness of a rather portly mare in thick, embroidered robes.
The princess bounced off the mare’s side and tumbled back to collide with her two friends like a fuzzy bowling ball.
Somewhere in the distance, Twilight was sure Discord was laughing.
After her unwanted strike, Twilight ended up coming to a stop as her back smashed into the chest of – taking into account common sense and the fact that the universe hated her – one of the stallions chasing them.
“Ungh…” Twilight rubbed at the base of her horn and shakily stood up. “O-kay, not my smartest move to be sure…”
“Ha ha! You think that – ooh, that stings – that a mere tackle could stop us?”
“Why, dear brother, I do think that they did.”
Twilight sighed, her back to the stallions and her eyes fixed on the castle in the distance. “And here I was hoping that maybe Discord can’t count…”
Rarity and Applejack rushed up to join her, understandably jostled and confused by her actions. Twilight felt bad for using them as puppets like that; perhaps she’d get them tickets to Canterlot’s Museum of History.
That’ll cheer anypony up!
“Sugarcube, what in Sam Hill were you even doin’? Ya’ll know ah hate it when anythin’ magical gets all grabby with me, and I…” Applejack skidded to a stop and her eyes narrowed in anger when she saw who was behind Twilight. “You two again?!”
Flim and Flam, Brothers of Opportunity
Exiled from four towns, wanted in two, and known as mares of the night in one
“Well, well – look who it is, oh dear brother,” Flim prodded his sibling in the side with a sneer on his face. “Our most favourite rival businessmare and her honorary family members.”
“Your eyes deceive you not, dear brother, for I see the very same thing,” Flam replied with an eerily similar sneer. “Although, I only see three mares; wherever could the others be, do you think?”
“I certainly don’t know, dear brother, but it makes our job easier, doesn’t it?”
“Aha, how right you are!” Flam tapped the side of his muzzle before extending his foreleg to the frowning heroines. “We’ve been searching for you for quite some time now…”
“Quite some time.” Flim nodded.
“The draconequus signing the paychecks mentioned you’d be in Canterlot-”
“-but you took so long to get to the castle that my brother and I thought it’d make things easier-”
“Much easier.”
“- if we came to meet you.”
“Peachy.” Twilight murmured sullenly.
“Oh, I’m afraid it’s apples that we have a bone to pick with, my dear.” Flam corrected.
“Right you are, dear brother,” Flim nodded before striking a pose – he went up on his hind legs, reached up with one forehoof to tilt his hat so it covered his eyes, and then blindly pointed towards the heroines. Appropriately, a whip crack accompanied the action. “So how about it, Applejack? Why don’t we settle this little score between us, hm?”
Woosh-crack
“Indeed!” Flam mirrored his sibling’s pose, moving so they were back-to-back. “This little score between us should be settled!”
“… Much as ah’d love ta lay down a good ol’ paddlin’…” Applejack scoffed with a roll of her eyes. “Ah faced off against Iron Will when we were travellin’ ta Canterlot. Ya’ll will jes’ have ta settle fer th’ others.”
“Hmph! Well, isn’t that just a square kick in the pants?” Flam pouted as he and his brother fell out of their dramatic pose.
“Indeed. Our pants have been squarely kicked.” Flim agreed.
“Alright, Apple… what sorry souls would my brother and I be facing against?”
Suddenly, a shrill voice cried: “These sorry souls!”
From above, a pink blur landed in front of Twilight and the others. The cobblestone buckled and cracked from the force, and a cloud of dust shot up, obscuring the mysterious figure save for the outline of a dark shadow.
“Tremble in fear, baddies!”
A deadly song of whistling air echoed over the now-silent plaza as a huge sword cut dispersed the dust with a single swipe, and the wielder moved to rest it against her shoulder.
“For I, Pinkie Pie, the Last Equine Ranger, will strike them down!”
Pinkie puffed out her chest with a look of grim determination as a stray wind tousled her mane.
And once more, from above, a figure of yellow and pink gently floated down on flapping wings to lightly touch the ground and curl inwards beneath the gazes of several dozen ponies.
“U-um, I’m Fluttershy… and, uh, I’m here, too.”
Fluttershy’s gaze just so happened to catch sight of her own shadow becoming darker as the sun moved out from behind a cloud and she squeaked in alarm before diving behind Pinkie.
Flim and Flam exchanged stone-faced looks.
“Hm… Formidable foes, wouldn’t you say, Flam?”
“Intimidating, I’d say, Flim.”
“Dangerous.”
“Powerful.”
…
“Or perhaps the easiest opponents in history!” “Or perhaps the easiest opponents in history!”
Pinkie continued giving her impressive death glare and Fluttershy continued displaying her impressive cowardice as the brothers hooted and snorted and slapped their knees with great mirth.
With a beat of her wings and a crunch of popcorn, Rainbow Dash arrived by Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack, carrying a family-sized bucket.
“Yo – what’d I miss?”
“Flim Flam brothers are back,” Applejack gestured to the laughing duo. “Pinkie an’ Fluttershy are gonna face off against ‘em.”
“Cool.”
“Laughter is no laughing matter!” Pinkie growled as she pointed her ridiculously large sword at the brothers. “Laughter should be used with ponies, not at them! Prepare to battle, you meanies! With me, Fluttershy!”
“Oh dear…” Fluttershy reluctantly removed the giant paper fan strapped to her back and folded it out.
“Dear brother, it seems as though we will have to fight these mares.” Flam said as he wiped away a tear.
“How cruel – it’s like two ants squaring off against a bear, wouldn’t you agree?”
“I would agree indeed, brother.”
“No matter,” Flim scoffed and brushed some invisible lint from his striped shirt. “We have a job to do and by gum we’ll get it done. Ready, Flam?”
“Ready, Flim.”
“Then let’s get down to business!”
…
…
…
Pinkie, Fluttershy, the rest of their friends, and the entirety of the plaza’s populace stared awkwardly as the brothers just… stood there. Smirking confidently but still just standing there.
…
A tumbleweed rolled between them.
…
“Um…” Pinkie lowered her sword and scratched her poofy mane. “Are you guys going to do something?”
“… Erm, well, you see…” Flam’s smirk wavered as he looked to his sibling, ashamed.
“Yes, the thing is… our combat gear was a little too… ‘large’ to bring into the plaza, so we just left it in a more spacious area,” Flim shrugged. “Do you mind if we head there instead?”
“You mean… give you a chance to, erm… hurt us?” Fluttershy asked.
“That sounds fair to me!” Pinkie nodded cheerfully.
“But…” The demure pegasus protested as she turned to her friend in bewilderment. “But aren’t we s-supposed to be winning? I don’t see why-”
“Onward!”
Fluttershy sighed.
A few minutes later…
Fluttershy squealed in terror and dove behind an awestruck Pinkie Pie as, with a deafening groan of metal, a monstrosity rose to its full height, easily clearing most of the surrounding buildings by a full storey.
Magic and electricity bled out from numerous joints and crevices, and glowed menacingly from within triangular sockets protected by tempered glass in a grinning equine skull, giving it a demonic appearance. The enormous mecha stomped forwards on four limbs that hissed and shot out puffs of scalding hot steam from multiple cooling vents.
It was like a giant metal skeleton, a skeleton that baby skeletons wished to be like when they grew up.
And from within the house-sized skull, the laughter of two stallions blared out from the speakers in its ears, and two shadows could be seen behind the glass eyes.
Pinkie used one hoof to physically close her jaw with the sound of rusty hinges and hummed thoughtfully, eyes narrowed in consideration. “You know… I can’t help but feel this is my fault somehow. Mostly Fluttershy’s, though.”
“Um, sorry to say this, but that’s a lie… if you d-don’t mind me saying, that is…”
“Oh gosh…” Twilight face-hooved as she and the others stood a safe distance away. Some of Canterlot’s populace had stopped to watch – including some of the Royal Guard – but others had more important business than watching a giant robot fight two ponies. “How could this get any dumber?”
Familiar music started playing from the mecha’s speakers.
“Me and my big mouth…”
“Well, look at what we got here, brother of mine, just as the Lord of Chaos said!”
With a sound not unlike a roaring dragon, the mecha lurched forwards and slammed one foreleg down with pavement-cracking force. Fluttershy eeped and sped in the opposite direction from Pinkie, who dodged out of the way with a jaunty giggle.
“Mares with too much confidence and not enough sense in their head; standing oh so boldly as if they think they can even compare.”
Pinkie made a building-high leap and slammed her sword down on the mecha’s shoulder. The recoil made her teeth shake in her skull, and she fell back down, shaking as Flim’s voice rang out:
“So why don’t we show them just how well they’re going to faaaaaare?”
Fluttershy darted in and swept Pinkie away before the mecha could turn and stomp on her, the brothers’ voices ringing across the street as they dodged falling hooves and gnashing teeth:
“Well, you’re outmatched and out of luck, An upcoming loss, that’s all you’ve got.”
“He’s Flim.”
“He’s Flam.”
“We’re the challenger Flim Flam brothers; Minions of Chaos and dashing robot pilots!”
“Argh!”
Fluttershy was too slow to avoid one stomp, so Pinkie held out her sword length-wise and stopped it from completely crushing them into the ground. Fluttershy gave a soft ‘ow’ as they were pressed into the road and Pinkie gritted her teeth, sweating as her sword groaned beneath the mecha’s weight.
“You’re not… gonna… win!”
Flam laughed.
“Oh yes we will, and there’s a simple reason for why, you see; Our robot’s designed to handle anything no matter what the situation may be. So go ahead and attack with everything you have, I insist that you don’t hold back.”
Pinkie pushed with all her might and managed to free one hoof long enough to press it against her chest, call on her chakra, and teleport both her and Fluttershy out from beneath the hoof and back onto the street.
She winced as the mecha’s hoof viciously shattered the road where they had just been.
“Because you’re never going to beat us and that, my dears, is faaaaact!”
“Oh yes, you’re outmatched and out of luck; An upcoming loss, that’s all you’ve got.”
The mecha turned to face them and crouched low like a wolf on the prowl, an instant before several compartments opened on its back, and a salvo of rockets – oversized, improvised fireworks – shot out with colourful streams of smoke and a din of high-pitched pews.
Pinkie cooed and clapped at the display, so Fluttershy had to take the initiative and stand up to swing her fan, producing a small tornado that swept forwards and caught the magically-guided rockets.
“He’s Flim.”
“He’s Flam.”
“We’re the challenger Flim Flam brothers!”
The firework-filled tornado continued surging forwards to attack the mecha, but the monstrosity’s right eye shone brightly, and its mouth opened wide so a giant fan could spin and suck up the weather anomaly as if it was nothing.
Internally resetting the rockets back to their firing slots, the mecha reared up even taller on its hind legs, and made ‘jazz hooves’.
“Minions of Chaos and dashing robot pilots!”
“Oh no, it can do jazz hooves, Fluttershy!” Pinkie wailed in dismay. “We’re in for it now!”
“Can we panic then?”
“Now, I suppose by now you’re wondering… ‘How to defeat our giant robot’?”
“I say, our marvel of engineering.”
The mecha went back on all fours and shot off a dozen more rockets. Fluttershy squeaked and flew into the air to dodge while Pinkie dashed forwards, leapt onto the first rocket, and used it as a stepping stone for the rest.
Upon leaping off the final one, Pinkie twirled in the air, and somersaulted to give her sword that extra bit of momentum and force when it slammed the mecha’s leering skull.
The force knocked it into the ground, but hardly damaged it, and one of its forelegs dislocated and spun to swat Pinkie away like a fly.
“And I suppose by now you’re realizing how ineffective your blows are.”
A series of razor-sharp wind gusts clashed against the mecha’s body and drew sparks, but only succeeded in scuffing the pale yellow paintjob.
Looking up, the robot’s nasal igniters sparked and sent out two long streams of blue fire, which landed a direct hit on Fluttershy. It didn’t burn her, but it still hurt like hell, and Fluttershy whipped her fan about to beat back the flames.
“That oversized sword barely causes dents and that fan hardly causes offense.”
“Yes, you’re up against the stop, the end, the immovable object in your quest, and it’s a sparkling giant robot built by the very best of the best.”
“So why don’t you two surrender and just go hoooooome?!”
“C-can we?” Fluttershy asked hopefully.
“Can we what? Can we fight even harder and get hurt even worse?!” Pinkie sprung up from the debris of a shop’s wall she had smashed into and nodded cheerily. “Of course we can, Fluttershy! Let’s fight until our bones are crying!”
“Oh…”
The mecha stalked towards them with a flourish in each step.
“The greatest invention in Equestria… one for the books of history.”
“What do you say, Canterlot?!” Flam asked as the mecha suddenly jumped into the air, casually broke physics to remain there, and cast a rain of rockets down on the two mares.
Drolly and with very little enthusiasm, the crowd replied as Fluttershy and Pinkie ran around – in terror and excitement, respectively – in little circles, narrowly dodging the projectiles:
“Yeah, they’re outmatched and out of luck; An upcoming loss, that’s all they’ve got. Please Flim, Please Flam – use those rockets that you spam; We want this over and done with, we’ve really got a lot of business to get to.”
“Oh Flim?”
“Yes, Flam?”
“Our rivals seem to be faring much longer than we anticipated.”
“Indeed they are, dear brother.”
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“I think I’m thinking what you’re thinking.”
“So what do you say we-”
“Crank the dial up to eleven?”
“Took the words right out of my mouth, brother!”
Physics finally caught up with the mecha and gravity vindictively brought it back to the ground, though Fluttershy and Pinkie were in no position to retaliate immediately, as preoccupied with dodging the last rockets as they were.
“Well, what do you say, Canterlot?” Flam’s voice rang out as the mecha turned to the crowd with a shrug. “Should we turn this battle up?”
“We don’t care; Just hurry up.”
“Ha ha! Ready, Flim?”
“Ready, Flam!”
“Let’s stomp and slam!” “Let’s stomp and slam!”
“And show these ponies what this mecha can really do!”
The crowd chanted supportively – as supportively as saying, ‘doughnuts at Joe’s’ could be under the circumstances – as the brothers worked the controls in tandem to make the mecha flex its mechanical muscles, blatantly showboating as the inner core called on its spare reserves of magical and electrical energy.
None paid any attention nor batted an eye to the charred and battered heroines that rose from a pile of rubble, their manes frazzled and out of control.
“Tee hee! That was like a bullet hell, eh, Flutters?!” Pinkie giggled.
“Ah blah… wh-where am I?”
Ignoring them, Flim and Flam continued making their vessel flex and strut, the mechanical body gradually building heat and energy, enough that its exoskeleton caused the very air around it to wave and distort. A blood-red light shone from between its teeth, and the cooling vents along its spine started constantly ejecting steam.
“You’re seeing it live and now, folks!” Flam said. “This mecha is kicking into overdrive and diverting all power to the most vital of systems. The result, you see, is an overclock of the limbic and processing routines which is what makes our beauty move; this move places a slight amount of stress on inner workings, but that is hardly a matter because the state of the art Flim Flam Brothers Liquid Coolant Processor is venting excess heat that ensures our robot is operating at peak capacity!”
“Feel free to not take a sneak peek because it’ll burn your face and then you’ll suuuuuue!”
“Now hold on a minute, you meanies; We won’t be beat that easy!”
Never short of sugar-induced energy, Pinkie bounded out of the rubble while Fluttershy was still struggling, and struck a dramatic pose that flicked any remaining soot off her by sheer melodrama.
“You’re robot’s super-cool, but it can’t match up to us; Because something of metal and magic, and excuse me ‘cause I’m about to go critic; Can’t match the zeal and heart of true warriors!”
The mecha stopped showing off long enough to shake and jitter in place as it expressed the brothers’ laughter.
“Well, Pinkie, I’m glad you pointed that out, my dear; I say, I’m glad you pointed that out, you see; Because there’s something about our machine I must point out, and I think it will quell those doubts.”
The mecha’s glass eyes flashed and briefly flickered to static before magically playing recorded clips of the heroines’ previous battles: a flame-wreathed Applejack punching a testosterone-filled Iron Will switched to a clip of Rarity dancing between lightning bolts and then switched to one of Rainbow Dash dodging Lightning Dust’s attacks.
The right eye blanked out and momentarily allowed a peek of Flim working over a console full of ridiculous amounts of levers, pulleys, buttons, and one bicycle horn.
“Yes sir, yes ma’am, this great machine has analysed your previous fights; Zeal and heart ain’t got anything on it. So I think you better wise up and give up because Pinkie, my dear, we’ve got you in our siiiiiights!”
Pinkie suddenly leapt forwards, swinging her sword mightily against the exposed eye, but the mecha was quicker; it ducked the slash with impressive finesse and slapped her away with a swipe of one massive leg.
“So what do you say, Canterlot?” Flam addressed the crowd yet again, going so far as to turn away from his opponents. They couldn’t do anything to harm them, so why worry? “Do you see how rather one-sided this fight is? I know she does! So does he! That fellow’s betting money on us! Oh, nope – he’s just robbing that other stallion, but that’s okay because here comes the final verse!”
As Fluttershy carefully helped Pinkie up from the trench she had dug in solid stone with her face, a series of measured quakes jostled them as the mecha reared up and started tap dancing all around with remarkable agility.
“We’re saying you are outmatched and out of luck; An upcoming loss, that’s all you’ve got!”
“He’s Flim!”
“He’s Flam!”
“We’re the challenger Flim Flam brothers! Minions of Chaos and dashing robot pilooooooootts!”
With a final twirl, the mecha reached up to tip an invisible straw hat.
“Yeah!!”
“So by all accounts, that thing should have collapsed beneath its own weight several dozen times over,” Twilight sighed, half-heartedly looking around and murmuring, “If anypony cares? No? Nopony cares? As per the norm? The laws of physics should be ‘suggestions’ instead of, you know, ‘laws’? Alright then.”
“Pinkie?” Fluttershy whispered. “Y-you know, um… you know that ‘parallel universe theory’ that Twilight f-forced us to listen to as punishment for accidentally flushing one of her science things down the toilet?”
“Yeppers! There were so many long words, and then my brain started hurting.”
“W-well, c-can’t we just take comfort in that, in some other universe, we didn’t give up… a-and just give up?”
“Fluttershy!!” Pinkie bounced back onto her hooves, her massive sword miraculously landing so it was perfectly balanced length-wise on her back. She looked affronted, and gazed at Fluttershy in a new light. “… You’re yellow.”
“…”
“But more importantly than that, I can’t believe you’d even suggest surrendering! This whole quest is the most splend-erific, fun-tastic adventure we’ve had in ages! The flashy stunts! The posing! The epic battle between chaos and harmony! Don’t you want to keep pushing on?”
“I-I just don’t think I’m cut out for all of this… violence.” Fluttershy shrugged and ducked her head, ashamed.
“Are you kidding?” Pinkie threw her hooves in the air, exasperated. “I saw you throw out those razor winds like nopony’s business!”
“W-well, yes, but you were in danger, and it just… s-sort of came to me,” The demure pegasus shook her head again and sighed. “But then the robot turned on me and it just looked so scary that I… I-”
“Hold that thought!”
Pressing a pink hoof against her friends lips, Pinkie scratched her chin and narrowed her eyes, the gears in her head switching from hyper-speed to ludicrous-speed.
“Hey!” Flam called off in the distance, one of the mecha’s legs waving for attention. “If you wish to surrender, then kindly lay down your arms-”
“On the ground, if you don’t mind.”
“-and plead for mercy.”
“Mercy is what my brother and I need to accept your surrender.”
“Indeed we do, brother.”
“Uh, yeah, just hang on a second!” Pinkie waved in response before moving in closer to Fluttershy and lowering her voice – close enough that the pegasus could smell the sugar and quiet enough that… ha ha, yeah, no. “Flutters! I just got the best idea!”
Fluttershy’s pupils shrunk. “Oh no…”
“You fight better when you’re anrgy, riiiight?”
“Yes? I mean, I suppose so…”
“So all you need to do is get angry; just for this match.”
“B-but I don’t know how to.”
“Now, I can’t really put myself in danger because otherwise it’d just be one on one…” Pinkie clasped her hooves around Fluttershy’s shoulders, and flashed a devilish grin. “So what you need to do is imagine.”
“Imagine?”
“Imagine all your animal friends.”
“Oh, that sounds lovely.”
“And they’re crying."
“Wh-what?”
“They’re crying because Flim and Flam are making them watch paint dry!”
“H-how boring is that?”
“Super! Very! A lot!” Pinkie’s hooved zipped up to press the pegasus’ cheeks together. “Can you imagine that? Those poor animals being bored out of their cute skulls!”
“Urt urf thur shkulls?” Fluttershy echoed, eyes growing large and watery.
“You know it…”
“Rrrrrgh…” Fluttershy began to huff as images of cute woodland critters sobbing fat tears because two evil stallions were forcing them to watch renovations filled her head.
“Great!” Pinkie pulled back, satisfied that she had thoroughly planted the seeds of rage. “Now it’s time for Aunt Pinkie to show her stuff!”
“Rrrr-I’m still a year older-rrrrgh!!”
Pinkie was too busy waltzing up to the mecha to hear her.
“So!” Flam’s voice crackled through the speakers as the mecha dipped its massive skull to look down at the tiny mare. “Got some more spunk in ya, eh?”
“We can admire that, can’t we, brother?”
“Yes, we can.”
“But it’s going to help you.”
“No, it won’t.”
“Because we’re going to beat you harder than the sun on a hot day!” “Because we’re going to beat you harder than the sun on a hot day!”
“Hmph!” Pinkie smirked confidently as she grabbed her greatsword again. “I’ve been taking it easy on you two, you know.”
“Really?” “Really?”
“Well, um… no, not really. I’ve sort of been trying pretty hard, actually…” After frowning at her lack of progress, Pinkie rediscovered her drive, and her smirk came back ten-fold. She idly blew a strand of her mane out of her face. “But now I’m gonna try ultra-super-hard instead of just super-hard, and with two adjectives we’re sure to win!”
“Oh, I have my doubts about that.” Flim laughed.
“I, too, have doubts about that.” Flam agreed.
“Then our victory…” Pinkie chuckled lowly as she planted her sword into the ground with a sharp crack of stone. “Is gonna taste all the sweeter. And believe me…” She slowly rose onto her hindlegs, placed one foreleg parallel to her body and straightened the other so it reached for the sky, and turned her head to the side. “I know a thing or two about… sweetness.”
“Well, my dear…” Flim began as the mecha reached up to twirl an invisible moustache. “I’m afraid that ‘sweetness’ is hardly going to help you in this fight. Oh, brother?”
“You called?”
“What say we end this fight and spare these two mares the cruel mercy of false hope?”
“Brother, you are simply too kind for this world.”
“I am, aren’t I?”
With another bout of sadistic laughter, the mecha stopped its grooming, and cracked open its jaws. Magic and electricity started gathering in the back of its throat, and the mecha’s plated body shuddered from the tremendous energy being outputted.
Pinkie remained standing completely still before the ball of energy, seemingly unperturbed and still smiling like a cat that caught the canary.
“That’s right, just keep standing there, young lady,” Flam said. The mecha’s jaws opened even wider as the ball grew in size and strength. “And it’ll all be sweet as pie in three…”
“Two…”
“One…”
“Fi-” “Fi-”
“You leave those poor animals alone!!”
CLANG
SHHHHHRRRRKKK
Orange and yellow sparks erupted from the robot’s lower jaw as a ball of cyclonic winds buffeted it from below, forcing its mouth to close shut and its head to stutter uncontrollably. Head tilted towards the sky, the robot could no longer bear its store of energy and recoiled amidst an explosion of smoke and flames that blew out most of its teeth.
As the mecha groaned and staggered about, the ball of wind slammed back down onto the road and quickly dispersed, leaving behind a very angry pegasus.
“Whoo! Nice one, Flutters!” Pinkie cheered and moved to uproot her sword and rest it against her shoulder with a flourish. “Now… let’s get silly.”
The mechanical behemoth’s stabilizers came back online and the brothers, safe and clear-headed from their gyro-sphere cockpit, sighed and muttered angrily as they worked the controls.
“Why did our wonderful invention get knocked out?!” Flam exclaimed.
“I told you we should have reinforced the spine around the fourth and fifth vertebra!” Flim replied.
“Ah, flame and folly – we’re still at 89% efficiency…” Flam shrugged, looking back out the eyes. “More than enough to handle two… two, uh… Flim, what are we looking at right now?”
“Hm?” Flim looked up and narrowed his eyes at their enemies. “What on earth do you mean by that, brother? It’s just the same pink and yellow mares with a giant apparition floating behind… Oh, now I see what you mean.”
The vexed Fluttershy seething and huffing with her mane and tail swirling in a self-sustained wind was, obviously, terrifying, but more unsettling than that was the ghostly figure that hovered just behind Pinkie, neatly mirroring her pose and appearance.
But unlike Pinkie, the three-metre tall apparition was straight-maned, duller in colour, and was surrounded by dozens upon dozens of knives that orbited around her like a macabre ring of asteroids and debris.
And, good Faust, that smile…
That was not a smile tailored to put ponies at ease.
“Oh, Flimmy? Flammy?” Pinkie cooed with a cheery expression. “I’d like you to meet my friend – I call her Diane.”
‘Diane’ winked and picked out a machete from the orbiting ring and ran her tongue along the flat edge.
Two gulps echoed out from the mecha’s ears as the robot pulled on an invisible shirt.
“Oh, brother?”
“Yes, brother?”
“Is it wrong for me to be aroused?”
“Very.”
“Even so…”
“It feels so right.”
“Took the words out of my mouth.”
Fluttershy growled and tucked herself into a ball before spinning rapidly, turning into a dark grey ball of winds that tore up the ground as she zipped forwards. Pinkie followed her league, needing only to nod for her apparition to pick her up as it wasn’t intangible in the first place and toss her at the mecha, smoky pink wisps trailing behind as it followed her on ghostly marionette strings.
The brothers recovered from their uneasiness and worked in tandem to make their mecha snort out blue flames and stomp its right hoof. Fluttershy darted out of the way and zipped up the limb with a trail of sparks while Pinkie pushed her hoof forwards and her apparition misted in front of her and caused the ring of blades to spin rapidly, dispersing the flames.
“Wait, how does that make any sense?”
“Twi’…”
“I know – I keep forgetting…”
Fluttershy buzzsawed her way to the mecha’s joint and circled it several times, spinning even more intensely, until she managed to cut through and detach the appendage. She fell back to the ground and so did it, and she made her way towards the hindleg on the same side.
Meanwhile, Pinkie and her apparition bullrushed through the flames and hit the robot’s head with a one-two attack – Diane first impaling a long, thin dagger through the upper jaw and Pinkie delivering a follow-up hit with her sword to drive it straight through and out the lower jaw.
“Argh!” Flam cried. “We’ve lost one leg and our oral defenses are compromised!”
The mecha leaped backwards to create some distance and snorted flames onto the road to create a wall of flame. Using the moment’s respite, Flim slammed his hoof down on a big red button. From where the right foreleg should have been, a stream of light green magic and blue electricity shot out from the socket and swirled together to form the basic shape of a leg.
“That’s going to draw a lot of our power…” Flim said gravely, using telekinesis to wipe his sweaty brow with a cloth.
“Then we’ll just have to kick it up a few notches,” Flam retorted, eyes narrowing as the wall of flames died and their opponents came for them once more. “Fire the rockets and initiate the close-range combat protocol!”
The mecha crouched low in response to the inputs and fired another barrage of rockets from its back. Once the last of the projectiles had left, it suddenly emitted a window-shattering roar and jumped high into the air.
Pinkie gasped as a shadow fell over her and commanded Diane to slice the rockets in mid-air while shouting, “Fluttershy! Above!”
Fluttershy heard the cry and dashed to the side, narrowly avoiding three rockets that blew apart the roadwork and a falling robot that flattened the scorched debris. Unfortunately, she wasn’t fast enough to escape the shockwave, and bounced into the air, losing her momentum and becoming visible again long enough for the mecha to close the distance between them with a clothesline.
“Gyah!”
Fluttershy smashed into the side of a building and barely recovered in time to flap her wings and fly upwards to dodge the mecha’s shadowy limb as it grew claws and gouged out the building’s wall.
“Agh! You hurt Fluttershy! Nopony does that on my watch!” Pinkie snarled as she slashed the last rocket in half and directed Diane to toss her at the mecha. “Hiyyyaaa!!”
The mecha turned to face her and reared up, revealing its segmented underbelly that folded out like a jigsaw puzzle in reverse and extended a dozen mechanical arms from its metal innards.
Pinkie sliced five in one hefty swing and Diane cut apart several more, but there was enough that it hardly mattered; one caught Pinkie around the waist with four spindly fingers and delivered an electric shock.
“Yeeeooowwzaaa!” Pinkie’s body was wrought with spasms and her apparition twisted to reflect her pain. “Th-th-this is a-almost as b-b-bad as m-my j-joy b-b-buzzers-s-s!”
Holding her tight, the robot pitched forwards in a ground-shaking body slam and quickly jumped back before the pink mare could do any damage to its insides.
“Wait…” Flam’s heart hammered against his ribs as he directed the robot’s eyes to look around. “Flim, do you see where the yellow one went?”
Flim took over one of the robot’s eyes to look around for himself, giving it a very silly cross-eyed expression. “Can’t say that I have, brother.”
Whump
Both brothers shrieked shrilly as the face of doom pressed up against the mecha’s right eye. Unthinking, Flam commanded the mecha’s solid foreleg to reach up and swat the terrifying image away.
CLANG
Sprawled on its back from the powerful facehoof, the robot could not react in time as Fluttershy zipped back, landed between its eyes, and vanished in a rolling ball of sharp winds that cut through the metal shell with brutal efficiency. The brothers panicked, reached for the controls, but by the time they issued out an order to grab the offender…
SKKRRRRTT
CLUNK
A jagged hole emerged in the cockpit as a grey blur whizzed in and started bouncing around the enclosed space, sending sparks and wires and debris down on Flim and Flam as they wailed and clung to one another, helpless as smoke started filling the place.
“Oh, how could it have come to this again?!” Flam cried as a klaxon blared in warning. “Shot down by the same mares!”
“A cruel fate, indeed,” Flim sniffled amidst the shaking. “If only we stuck to selling our products instead of building military-grade giant robots in the interest of re-enacting animated shows streamed from a foreign country!”
“Who knew cosplay was such serious business?!”
“…”
“…”
The brothers stopped shivering and slowly turned to look at each other.
“Serious-”
“Business?”
“Brother…”
“Are you thinking-”
“What I’m thinking?”
Their epiphany was cut short as, outside the mecha’s body, Pinkie summoned up a building-sized sword for Diane to wield, and the apparition gleefully decapitated the mecha before cleaving its body, neck to groin.
“Oh, how barbaric!” Rarity grimaced in disgust, but clapped along with her friends nonetheless, quietly adding, “Tch, always the size of the sword with that mare…”
Seeing as the threat had been dealt with, the crowd that had gathered to watch were free to carry on their merry way, some grumbling about being held up and some sighing in relief that it had at least distracted everypony from the nightmarish shopping craze occurring at the nearby plaza.
Skirting around the potholes, chunks of metal, and patches of destroyed roadwork, Twilight and the others approached the ruined corpse of the mecha, where Pinkie was absorbing Diane back into her body and Fluttershy was cautiously walking around, looking very confused.
“Um… wh-what happened? I-I think I blacked out for a second.”
“We just did the most awesome-est thing ever and beat a giant robot with our awesomeness!” Pinkie cheered and jumped in place for all about two seconds, and then sat down on her rump, frowning. “Jeez, I’m really hungry. Do you think we can stop at Doughnut Joe’s on the way to the castle?”
A few yards away, Flim and Flam crawled out of the mecha’s skull, energetic and bustling with anticipation despite the scorch marks all over their bodies and the state of their clothing.
“Come now, brother!” Flim said as he helped Flam up. “This latest plan is bound to make us tons of money!”
“What could go wrong?” Flam laughed as he trotted away from the wreckage and the heroines alongside his sibling.
“Well, they don’t seem too, ah…” Applejack smirked as she lightly nudged a football-sized piece of the mecha’s shell. “‘Broken up’ about their loss. Ah heh heh heh… heh…”
Pinkie was still moaning about how hungry she was, but the others were looking at her with no small amount of disappointment and disgust.
“AJ…” Rainbow Dash sighed. “I’m seriously gonna hit you now. C’mere!”
“It wasn’t that bad, I guess. I grew up with Shining Armor, so…” Twilight shrugged. “Anyway, if we’re done disrespecting the laws that hold our reality together, once again, then we should be heading to Canterlot Castle,” Turning, Twilight gazed up at the shining palace that could be seen towering high above the city in the distance. “That’s where Discord is and the Elements of Harmony. Soon, we’ll be bringing this to a close.”
The showboating brothers disappeared beneath the bulk of their mecha as it inexplicably fell over and exploded for no reason.
“RRRGGGH GRRRROOOUND!!” Fluttershy frothed at the mouth as she rapidly spun in a vicious circle that tore up Canterlot’s roadwork.
“Posing!” Pinkie contorted painfully into a spectacular pose so that she could summon a ghostly pink apparition that reluctantly copied her exaggerated position. “Hurts so good!”
Episode 7 希少性は、かつて一生懸命それのメモリは、彼の将来の子供たちを楽しみに送信された痴漢を蹴りました Kishō-sei wa, katsute isshōkenmei sore no memori wa, kare no shōrai no kodomo-tachi o tanoshimini sōshin sa reta chikan o kerimashita – Wrath of the Last True Alicorns of Equestria!!
“Oh, thank Faust we’re finally here!”
Twilight and her friends trotted into the spacious entrance hall of the castle. There were no guards to be seen, but the six mares caught a glimpse of colour before it vanished behind a large porcelain vase standing on a small table. Above it was a glorious painting of Celestia in one of her most famous moments in Equestrian history:
Headbutting a large bulldozer into scrap metal after somepony on the Royal Court decided it would be perfectly fine to demolish a pastry store without her knowledge.
“The Cakes have that framed up in the kitchen; it’s an inspiration to bakers and food fanatics everywhere,” Pinkie sniffed and placed her hoof over her heart as she admired the painting. “Although, I don’t think the Celestia in their painting has eyes that follow you around.”
“Hmm…” Twilight hummed as she looked around the hall with suspicious eyes. “Do any of you girls know where we’re supposed to go? You know, since you and Discord have conversations behind my back.”
“Well, you go to the bathroom whenever he shows up,” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “So it’s more like conversations behind your-”
Twilight turned to stare at her.
“… Th-throne room.”
Twilight narrowed her eyes for several tense seconds before turning and making her way towards the carpet-covered stairs that led to the first floor.
Rainbow Dash exhaled in relief and swiped her brow. Her mane was swept forwards a second later to cover her face as Applejack trotted past with a teasing chuckle. Rainbow Dash blew a raspberry, corrected her mane, and went after her with a sinister grin that promised immediate retribution.
“Ooh, you’re gonna get it, farm girl…”
Fluttershy and Rarity were the last to climb the steps, and the latter paused in place when she realized somepony was missing from their group. Turning, she surveyed the entrance hall and spotted Pinkie looking up at another painting.
“Pinkie dear?”
“Yuh-huh?”
“Are you coming?”
“… Yeah, be right there!”
Pinkie turned on the spot and bounced away happily, leaving the painting that depicted Luna in one of her more recent crowning moments of Equestrian history:
Cowing a giant sea serpent over ten times her size with nothing but the Royal Canterlot Voice and a wooden cumulusball bat.
Unbeknownst to Pinkie Pie, the eyes of the enraged Luna followed her as she left.
For whatever reason, they had to take the longest route to the throne room.
All the little shortcuts that Twilight had learned about when she was a filly were sectioned off by signs that said, ‘This hallway/staircase/door doesn’t exist’. And when Twilight did find a hallway that hadn’t been sealed off, one of the paintings hanging on the walls politely asked her to go the other way before insisting that they were totally not a guard.
So a trek through the castle that should have taken only a few minutes was stretched into twenty. It certainly didn’t help when Pinkie stopped by the kitchen to grab some snacks from the pantries.
“If no one’s around and there’s no bowl to put your change, then it’s free!” Pinkie explained while scarfing down some pastries.
By the time they arrived at the throne room’s large double doors, Twilight was one hair away from smacking a filly.
“Alright…” Twilight inhaled deeply to cool off, and turned to face her friends. “Are we all ready? I get the feeling that once we enter this room… we’ll be in the biggest and must nonsensical fight of our lives.”
Her friends – with their frosting-covered lips – nodded and cheered enthusiastically.
“Yeah, we’re awesome!!”
“Ah’m gonna lay down th’ law, ya’ll can count on tha’!”
“Ready as ever, darling.”
“Let’s have a party!”
“Oh… I-I guess I’m prepared to, um… beat somepony down… I guess?”
Twilight nodded and turned.
Taking a deep breath, she reared up onto her back legs, placed her forelegs against the doors, and started to…
“…”
Suddenly, she went back down on all fours and turned to regard her friends with a suspicious glare. They shuffled nervously beneath her gaze.
“Why…” Twilight began in a low voice. “Do I get this feeling that the instant we go through these doors, I’m going to be upset?”
“Upset?” Rainbow Dash repeated with a fake laugh. “Well, you’re always upset whenever we fight, remember? I mean… when I was fighting Lightning Dust, you looked so tired and fed up, and I was, like… ‘why the long face’? Hee hee…”
“…” Twilight pursed her lips together and narrowed her eyes. “Applejack.”
Applejack gave a look like Big Mac had just announced that he was moving to Manehatten with the intention of legalizing marriage between a stallion and his farm tools. “Y-yeah, sugarcube?”
“Is something going to happen to us the instant we walk through these doors?”
Rarity frowned deeply. “Dear, that is rather under-hoofed.”
Twilight levelled her with the same suspicious gaze. “Two months ago. Baking competition. One soufflé ruined by Sweetie Belle. A certain spell book mysteriously missing from my library the same day.”
“... Ah, the double-edged sword – how dramatic.”
“So, Applejack?”
“Ehhh… no,” Applejack shook her head. “Ain’t nothing’s gonna happen tha’ll affect all of us the instant we walk through those doors.”
“… Okay then.”
Turning back and inhaling deeply, Twilight reared up on her back hooves, pressed her forelegs against the doors, and started to push.
A ray of light peeked through the gap, blinding her and briefly causing her to pause in pushing before she gritted her teeth and continued anyway, her head lowering as a defense against the brilliant light.
Creeeeeak
She pushed until the doors were so far apart that her legs could no longer reach, and fell back onto all fours. The light was still so intense; she stretched out one wing and held it in front as she walked forwards.
Pomf
Pomf
Pomf
Pomf
Pomf
“…?” Twilight spun around, took one look, and immediately started getting upset. “Are. You. Kidding. Me?”
Her friends lay groaning on the floor, twitching and struggling to get back up with all the theatrics of a Bridleway cast at a premier viewing.
“Oh no!” Applejack cried in pain. Genuinely. “There. Is a magic field tha’ is hurtin’ us… badly. Ah cannot believe… this is happenin’. We are damsels in distress!”
“We’re the most distressed of the damsels!” Rainbow Dash moaned, arching her back as if she were getting electrocuted.
“Owie! I am in pain!” Pinkie tittered as she rolled around on the floor.
Twilight facehooved. “Applejack! You said-”
“Ah said nothin’ would happen tha’ would affect all of us!” Applejack quickly interjected. “‘S’only five of us tha’ are gettin’ hurt.”
Twilight’s face flushed a darker shade of purple. “B-but…! You…!” She spluttered lamely. “That’s still a lie! It’s a lie by omission!”
“Ah can handle those better than a straight-up lie.”
“Why you… lying pony that embodies Honesty!”
Twilight jumped when she suddenly heard laughter that didn’t come from one of her friends. She quickly spun around, eyes wide in alarm.
“Welcome… Chosen Killjoy…”
At the end of the enormous throne room sat two figures, reclining into their thrones. The one on the right was an intimidating mare enshrouded in a dark cloak; oily shadows licked at her hooves and stretched across her side of the room like black spider webs.
The figure on the left, in contrast, was a stark white mare of impressive stature adorned in golden pieces of armor with a pure white cape flowing from a bronze choker with a studded diamond. Radiance poured from her body, blanketing her side of the room in blinding light.
The effect was no more comforting than the shadow-wreathed mare.
Twilight squinted against the light. “Princesses…”
Princess Celestia, Heart of the Sun A majestic mare with a memory as long as mountains are old
Princess Luna, Heart of the Moon Still upset because Celestia forgot her birthday
Her once-mentor chuckled sinisterly and, mercifully, toned down her radiance, allowing Twilight to see the wicked grin she had on her face and the glowing red of her irises.
“Welcome…” The princess repeated, rising to her full height and extending her massive wings. “To your doom!!”
“…”
“…”
“…”
Celestia grimaced and hung her head sheepishly. “That… that sounded better in my head.”
“I told you that you should have left the introductions to me!” Luna whispered fiercely, throwing her hood back with a directed glare. “No offense, ‘Tia, but you are not scary when you try so hard.”
“Maybe I didn’t say it loud enough…”
Twilight rubbed the back of her head. “Um… so are you-”
“Welcome to your doom!”
Twilight yelped and flattened her ears while her friends stopped their dramatic groans to do the same with indignant cries.
“Ow, hey! We’re actually in pain now!” Rainbow Dash whined.
Celestia blushed and glared at the high ceiling. “Darn echo.”
“Oh, so when I use the Royal Canterlot Voice in the castle you get all uppity, but it’s alright for you to do it?” Luna huffed, digging at one ear with one eye closed in discomfort.
“Luna, it makes the staff uneasy when you use it when they’re trying to sleep.”
“But it’s near morning when I do it anyway! And I don’t use it to wake them up: I prod them till they stir and then use it. Think of it like a vocal glass of cold water.”
“Yes, a vocal glass of cold water which incidentally bills me for therapy sessions.”
Luna poked her tongue out.
“Very mature. Look – we’ll discuss this later; right now, we need to get back on schedule.”
Whipping her flowing cape to the side, Celestia put her ‘game face’ back on and gave a booming laugh as she stepped off the throne’s dais.
“So you made it this far, hm? I’m impressed by your tenacity, Chosen Killjoy. But I’m afraid your journey ends here,” She cackled again and grandly pointed towards Twilight, who stood her ground in sheer bewilderment. “You see – we knew that your friends would be able to defeat our minions; they are weak, after all. So the Lord of Chaos bestowed a spell upon them without their knowing. As they fought your friends, the spell that they carried was transferred over to them, and on the Lord of Chaos’ command it activated, and now they are completely helpless!”
“It really seems like they’re just acting.” Twilight replied, suspiciously looking over her shoulder.
“No, no! They are most assuredly unable to fight! Right, Luna?”
Luna placidly stepped off the dais and joined her sister. “Yes. They are weighed down by the heaviest thing imaginable,” She narrowed her eyes. “Angst.”
Twilight sighed. “Of course they are. Well, I guess there’s no point arguing. I suppose this is the part where I have to step up? ‘Show my stuff’, as they say?”
“Mwa ha ha ha ha!!” Celestia laughed again, her evilness at maximum. “We are the last true alicorns of Equestria! The Lord of Chaos’ most powerful servants! What hope could you possibly have against us on your own, Chosen Killjoy? For it was your friends that carried you this far! It was your friends that battled all those other threats!”
“You will never get past us, ‘hero’,” Luna snickered, the shadows around her pulsating like a tar-black heart. “We will shall put an end to your miserable quest, and Equestria shall remain stuck in this Anime Limbo forever!!”
A bolt of lightning cracking behind her added emphasis to her last word, and caused Twilight to flinch. The smell of ozone permeated the air.
But Twilight was not to be frightened so easily – the fate of all logic and a good long nap depended on her; she couldn’t lose!
“Discord said that I had to come to Canterlot to put a stop to this!” She snapped, surprised by the conviction in her own voice. It came so naturally, even though she knew there was no real danger. “He said that there was another here! Another pony who shared my destiny! Where are they?!”
“Oh ho, so the heroine has a backbone,” Celestia bared her teeth maliciously. “Then perhaps this won’t be as boring as I thought it would be.”
“I said…!” Twilight drew in a breath and stepped forward, chest puffed out and wings flaring out to effectively make her seem larger. “Where. Are. They?!”
Celestia and Luna flinched, briefly breaking character from the surprise of hearing the young princess shout so ferociously.
“Oh my…” Celestia pressed a hoof to her mouth, grinning as surprise gave way to pride, before she fell back into her role, and gave a sinister chuckle. “Heh. Very well. Cast your gaze on the one that shares your sentiments! Behold!”
She gracefully turned and gestured towards the thrones.
At first, Twilight saw nothing, but Celestia’s horn lit up, and then the air surrounding the dais seemed to wave and flicker like a disturbed pond. Pixels of golden light danced to the floor as the shape of a pony began to come into sight, curled in on themselves with thick chains binding their limbs together and-
“What is…?!” Twilight balked and – okay, she admitted it, she stared – felt heat rise in her cheeks. “S-Star Secret?”
The mare in question looked up stoically. “Yes. Greetings to you, too, Princess Sparkle.”
Star Secret, the Seventh Representative A member of the Royal Court who could have possibly been a threat in another timeline
“You’re the, uh… the one who shares my feelings?” Twilight asked awkwardly, averting her gaze.
Star Secret nodded. “That is correct.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“By all means, address the elephant in the room.”
“Why are you wearing… that?”
Star Secret sighed. “Apparently, this attire is what female captives usually wear when they are first introduced.”
‘Attire’ was too generous a word – the outfit consisted of a very short, white skirt that barely covered Star Secret’s cutie mark and a thin, silver shirt that opened up around the chest with a light red gossamer veil stretched between the flaps, giving a teasing view of Star Secret’s sleek coat and toned muscles. A dull grey tiara studded with a beautiful sapphire rested on her brow.
Perhaps the most scandalous part of the outfit was a black saddle with white fur lining and small diamonds studded along the rim.
“Personally…” Star Secret grumbled as she examined the silver horseshoes on her feet. “It seems like a ploy to cater to the tastes of the male audience.”
“I see,” Twilight mumbled, still looking away with a bright blush on her face. “Well, don’t worry, Miss Secret! You’ll be free soon and then we can put a stop to this madness together!”
“I await your heroic rescue with baited breath.”
“Oh, that’s rich, isn’t it, Luna?” Celestia covered her mouth with her hoof and laughed cruelly. “The Chosen Killjoy believes she can stand up to the both of us.”
“You do not even have powers in the first place,” Luna pointed out, grinning savagely as Twilight’s face fell. “In fact, this entire journey you have been bemoaning your fate and your inability to comprehend the ‘anime’ that everypony has displayed. How can you possibly face us with no Anime to call your own?”
“Because she won’t be facing you!”
Celestia and Luna’s grins faltered, and Twilight perked up and turned in surprise. Her eyes widened.
“You?”
Trixie’s cape billowed behind her dramatically as she strutted into the throne room, head held high with a triumphant smile that could rival the sun itself for sheer brightness.
“Yes, dear Twilight! It is I – the Great and Powerful Trrrrrixie!!” She jerked her head to the side and announced with less enthusiasm, “Along with friends.”
Iron Will flexed his way into the room to the exuberant cheers of the crowd of ponies that had inexplicably appeared on the sidelines, once again seated on bleachers that were pulled along by a single goat.
“Ooh yeah! Iron Will is ready to test his mettle against the pony princesses of Equestria!” He puffed out one bicep and kissed it. “Viewers at home should take note that what Iron Will just said is much more bull-like than it sounds, ooh yeah!!”
Lightning Dust trudged her way in, cursed and stumbled when Trixie’s cape slapped her in the face, tripped over Applejack, and rolled head over heels before righting herself and walking on as if nothing happened.
The crowd whooped in delight and held up scores of ‘10’ and ‘9’.
“Don’t think that this says anything about us, Rainbow Crash…” Lightning Dust growled, specks of lightning dancing across her body. “If anypony’s going to kick your butt, then it’s going to be me.”
Trailing dark grey smoke behind them, Flim and Flam flew through the doors, and landed on either side of a startled Twilight. Box-shaped jetpacks were strapped to their backs, metal gauntlets fitted their limbs, and a bandolier full of several other gizmos were tightly secured across their chests: all of it was scrapped from the remains of their mech as well as a few microwaves kindly ‘donated’ by ponies who incidentally had their backs turned.
“Why, don’t look so surprised, Miss Sparkle!” Flam said, reaching out to close the princess’ mouth.
“Indeed, brother!” Flim agreed.
Celestia and Luna grimaced darkly as their former allies stood together in front of Twilight like a protective barrier.
“You risk the wrath of the Lord of Chaos?” Luna questioned quietly, the shadows around her turning thick and sludgy. “A poor decision.”
“We heard everything,” Trixie sniffed haughtily. “Trixie and her minions were waiting behind those doors-”
“Minions? Iron Will didn’t agree to any contract marking you as his employer!”
“-for the perfect time to barge in. You think us weak, do you?”
Celestia nodded slowly. “You lost.”
“Er… w-well, that may be the case, but Trixie is still insulted, and now she has another reason to put her might alongside the Heroic and Courageous and Erotic Chosen Killjoyaaaahh…” Trixie’s cheeks darkened and she trailed off. “… Er, disregard Trixie’s last few words.”
“No.” Star Secret replied, stone-faced.
“Wh-what?” Twilight shook her head in confusion. “What are you guys doing here? I-I thought…”
“Trixie thought about just leaving you to your duties…” Trixie began, looking over her shoulder. “But then she remembered how weak and deliciously vulnerable you are, so she decided to come help! No doubt you are in awe of Trixie’s thoughtfulness and dramatic entrance, hm?”
“Um, I don’t-”
“Well, don’t think too long on it!” Trixie huffed, turning back round. “She’s only doing this because you’re so pathetic, b-baka!”
“And Iron Will’s helping because your friend gave him a glorious battle!” The large minotaur inhaled and pushed out his mighty pecs, briefly stunning the princesses into a starry-eyed and drooling mess.
“I already told you: I’m the only one that’ll beat Rainbow Derp over there…” Lightning Dust grumbled.
“Publicity!” Flim and Flam threw their forelegs to the side and did ‘jazz hooves’. “Publicity!”
“Sit back and regain your strength, Twilight’s useless friends!” Trixie threw her cape out to the side – clubbing one of Iron Will’s goat attendants with a distressed bleat – and tilted her hat up so it didn’t cover her eyes. They were hard and had a steely glint to them. “The Great and Powerful Trixie and Co. will deal with these two.”
Twilight scratched at her head while her friends struggled to get back up.
“Nngh!” Pinkie grimaced and panted in exertion. “Quick, ponies on the bleachers and the one changeling – put your hooves in the air and give us your power!”
The crowd did so and small pixels of light started appearing in the air.
“Gyagh! No, don’t take power away from us!”
“So you truly believe you can take on both my sister and I?” Celestia questioned, swiping some saliva from her lips. “You may have us outnumbered, but you are severely outmatched. Mountains have crumbled before us and vast plains have been split into canyons by our power.”
“We are old beyond your comprehension and have seen every single strategy and technique in battles,” Luna continued. “Before us, you are children – what hope do you have, really?”
“The hope…” Trixie’s horn lit up and crackled with electricity. “Of the power of the Heel-Turn!”
Luna and Celestia exchanged bemused glances before the former melted into the inky blackness pooling at her feet and the latter dispersed into golden pixels of light.
Trixie shot out a bolt and Iron Will flexed his pecs to send out a gust of wind in the shape of a fist; both went wide of their mark, and the cluster of golden pixels corkscrewed high into the air before reforming back into Celestia.
“Oh, this is going to be so much fun!” She laughed merrily as a flicker of flame spouted from her horn and swiftly expanded into a miniature sun.
Flim grabbed a small canister from his belt and tossed it at the mare. “Brother!”
“Indeed!” Flam took aim with one of the gauntlets on his forehooves and fired a beam of magic.
The beam struck the canister and caused it to explode in a burst of white foam that splattered onto Celestia’s face. Blinded, she yelled and cast down the huge fireball, sending the temperature of the room skyrocketing.
The brothers and Iron Will dodged to one side while Trixie and Lightning Dust dodged to the other, leaving the attack to scorch the floor and send out a wave of heated air.
Trixie pressed down on her hat so it wouldn’t fly off; her magnificent cape was warded to fend off fire, but the amount of power Celestia had was overwhelming; such power could be more than a match for even the Great and Powerful Trixie!
“So, Great and Loud Trixie…” Lightning Dust began as she summoned a storm cloud to ride on. “What’s the plan?”
“Simple!” Trixie winked confidently at her comrade. “Trixie shall bedazzle Celestia with her awesome magical powers while you charge up, transform into a dragon, and eat her. Figure I’d give you a chance to shine.”
“Can’t transform.”
“What?”
“Need to draw on a storm’s power and that can’t fit in here. And it needs to be natural, so…” Lightning Dust shrugged. “Your magic won’t help us there.”
“… So what good are you to the Great and Powerful Trixie?!”
Lightning Dust bristled and her nostrils flared, a rebuke on her tongue, but it was interrupted as Celestia teleported behind her with a great sword of flame extending from her horn, and the pegasus commanded her cloud to zip in the opposite direction. She lost a few tail hairs, but it was better than getting knocked out of the match in one hit.
Her pride couldn’t take that.
“Impressive dodge,” Celestia complimented as she floated in place, the length of her fire sword twisting and churning, matching her astral mane as blue and magenta deepened to red and orange. “But it won’t help you. Lightning and wind – neither are a match for the power of the sun.”
“Hmph! We’ll see about that.” Trixie drew herself up to her full height as Lightning Dust arrived at her side, more than a little miffed about the smoking end of her tail.
“Huh?” Iron Will’s hooves were suddenly rooted to the floor the instant he dodged the fireball. He looked down to see he was standing in an inky black puddle that felt cold to the touch. “Hey! What’s the big idea holding me down? Iron Will gets held back by no one!”
Black tendrils crept out from the blackness, slithering up his legs and stealing warmth from wherever they touched.
The large minotaur shuddered and struggled harder, grunting and heaving with all his might. “Grrr! Iron Will ain’t no schoolcow! Keep your tentacles where they belong! Hnnf!”
“Tentacles have a rather… ‘esoteric’ reputation in anime culture, but I assure you that mine are of a more…”
A voice like honey whispered in his ear and Iron Will saw, in the puddle, two round solid-white eyes and a large unsettling smile.
“‘Constrictive nature’.”
In response, the oily tentacles, now crawling across his chest, tightened their hold; Iron Will’s arms were tightly bound to his own body, and with his struggles lessened he began to sink into the puddle.
“Do not fret,” Luna chortled darkly as he was swallowed from the waist down. “You are only being taken out of the battle. Relax and let the darkness cradle you ‘til your eyes close and your breathing slows…”
Iron Will gritted his teeth in a determined grimace as a tendril snaked around his forehead. “Er, Iron Will hates to say it, but he could use a little help right about now!”
Flim and Flam – literally standing next to the puddle – blinked out of their daydream and rushed to grab the minotaur underneath his armpits.
“So sorry, my good sir!” Flam apologized with a sheepish grin.
“She was talking, you see,” Flim added. “So we had to stand by and wait until she was done, expository villainess that she is.”
Activating their jetpacks, the brothers managed to garner enough force to rip the minotaur free from the puddle with a loud pop. The tendrils snapped off, regenerated, and lashed about angrily before sinking back into the darkness. A second later, when the brothers let Iron Will down a safe distance away, the puddle rippled and bulged as Luna emerged.
“Hmph…” She curled her lip in distaste, pitch black streaks of darkness peeling away from her face. “So you wish to suffer before you are defeated? Very well – let it be known that your chance of a swift defeat was stolen away by your actions, not mine.”
“Your threats don’t scare us, my dear.” Flam boasted.
Luna stretched her foreleg to the side and a huge, black scythe with a blade made of serrated shadow formed in her grasp.
“Ha ha!” Flim laughed nervously. “You will be sorely disappointed by the fact that my brother and I already went to the bathroom.”
“Iron Will isn’t afraid of some pointy stick!” Iron Will snorted and placed his meaty hands on the brothers’ backs. “Because Iron Will has a good throwing arm!”
“Wait, what?” “Wait, what?”
“HOOOOAAAH!!”
Luna blinked in surprise and dodged a screaming Flam, but was too slow to avoid Flim, who impacted with her chest hard enough to knock the air from her lungs and send her reeling backwards. The puddle beneath her stretched and splattered into the air like dark water as she hit the ground, and Luna briefly sank into it to appear back on her feet, teeth clenched in annoyance.
“Your disregard for your comrades may give you an advantage, but it’ll take more than-”
CRUNCH
“…”
Despite the expected pain that would accompany having a minotaur smash his fist into one’s face, the discomfort was second compared to Luna’s irritation.
She sighed. “Okay… okay…”
Clenching her jaw, she pushed Iron Will back with her face and punched him low, sending him skipping against the floor that cracked beneath his weight.
“Okay.”
“Flash Barrage!”
Lightning Dust fired several dozen lightning arrows from her crossbow that, to her annoyance, splashed harmlessly against Celestia’s body. The larger mare laughed mockingly and retaliated with a swipe of her fire sword. Lightning Dust leaned backwards to avoid it, a tiny lick of flame dancing teasingly in front of her eyes.
As she dashed away, Trixie stepped up and stomped her forehooves against the floor. “Static Snare!”
Electricity arced out of her hooves, bounced along the floor, and streaked up when they were beneath Celestia, quickly forming into giant clawed hands that grabbed at the white alicorn.
“Ahn!” Celestia thrashed against the claws, the electricity doing little damage but stinging badly nonetheless. “Why you…!”
Trixie grimaced, a sweat drop forming on her brow. “That’s not going to hold her for very- eep!”
Celestia’s sword suddenly flared and gained several inches of length which she used to try and get Trixie; the showmare was narrowly saved when Lightning Dust grabbed her by the cape and pulled her back into her forelegs.
Okay, onto the cold hard floor.
“Our powers aren’t working!” Lightning Dust growled in frustration, firing off another bolt for emphasis. “We need something else – something cold or windy or… or something!”
“Ooh, if only the Great and Powerful Trixie chose ice for her power instead of electricity!” Trixie moaned as she stood back up, rubbing a visible bump on her head. “Then this battle would be so much easier.”
“…” Lightning Dust looked down at her hoof – crackling with the element she was named after – in contemplation… and was struck by an epiphany. With a gasp, she looked back at Trixie. “Hey, you think you can handle her by yourself for a few moments?”
“W-well, the Great and Powerful Trixie might be-”
“Perfect.”
Trixie gaped as her comrade abandoned her, just as Celestia broke free of the claws with a fiery explosion.
“Wh-what?! How could you abandon your leader? The Loveable and Esteemed Trixie?!” She backed up nervously as Celestia’s shadow fell over her. “G-gulp!”
Iron Will wasn’t having much luck against his opponent.
His first hit was a lucky one because now his fists and Flex Winds just passed right through Luna as if she were as intangible as the shadows that coiled and bled from her body. Of course, that didn’t mean she couldn’t hit him.
The princess of the night snuck through his guard with a punch to the ribs and conjured a spire of shadow to launch him into the air. Jumping up with him, Luna grabbed her scythe and turned into a swirling ball, her pitch black blade striking the minotaur several dozen times before one final overhead swing knocked him back down.
For a brief instant, a symbol reading ‘36x Combo’ floated above Luna’s head in solid white letters before fading out.
Flim and Flam flew on either side of Luna and fired magic beams from their gauntlets. Luna couldn’t phase through magic, but it still barely did anything; she ignored the pain and summoned two tendrils to stretch out and wrap around the brothers’ torsos, crushing their jetpacks before coiling back and smashing them against one another, and then depositing the dazed stallions back onto the floor.
“Ah hah hah hah hah!!” Luna laughed maliciously as she floated on a mass of slithering darkness, using the tip of her scythe to pick at her hooves. “If this is all you can muster, then it’s no wonder the Chosen Killjoy’s friends got past you. A shame, really – I was hoping for a challenge.”
Below, the three villains-turned-heroes groaned in pain. Flim and Flam were forced to unbuckle the jetpacks and leave them to smoke and spark on the floor. Iron Will grunted in effort as he extracted himself from the crater he had formed and got onto his hands and knees.
“Rrggh… Come on – we can’t give up! When the going gets tough… then you must get rough!”
“I’d rather give up.” Flim replied.
Flam nodded. “I agree. Can’t we just motivate ourselves to give up?”
Iron Will snorted derisively. “You two could use one of Iron Will’s seminars!”
“Oi!”
The trio looked up to see Lightning Dust fly and land beside them.
“Weren’t you with Trixie?” Flam asked.
Lightning Dust shrugged dismissively. “Eh, she can handle herself for a few seconds.”
An explosion of fire from behind cast orange light against her back. She didn’t seem particularly bothered by the following yelp of terror and string of insults involving her name either.
“Listen – neither of us are having much luck defeating the princesses…” Lightning Dust bent her legs and lowered her voice, enough that the brothers and Iron Will had to crawl a few inches so they could hear over Luna’s monologue and Celestia’s laughter and explosions. “And we can’t let them get together, so why don’t we switch?”
Flim tilted his head. “Switch, eh?”
“What do you think, dear brother?” Flam asked.
“Well, our magic and other brilliantly manufactured devices-”
“Brilliant indeed.”
“-can’t harm the shadowy spectre that is Luna, but-”
“-perhaps a more solid opponent like Celestia-”
“-would prove to be-”
“-more vulnerable!” “-more vulnerable!”
“And we can’t do any worse against Luna than we’ve already done against Celestia,” Lightning Dust nodded with a wide grin that radiated confidence. “So let’s do it!” She extended her foreleg. “Tag out!”
“Wrestling terminology!!” Iron Will cried in joy and tagged Lightning Dust – slapping her into the floor with a sharp crack of shattering marble – before scooping up both Flim and Flam beneath his bulging arms and whisking off merrily. “YEAH!!”
“Ow! Ouchie! Ow! Ow! Ow! Hurts!”
Celestia laughed evilly as she surrounded Trixie with a ring of fire and heated the floor within it to around ‘sand on a hot day at the beach’ temperature. Trixie danced about, hopping from one leg to the other with an expression of utmost misery.
“Yes! Feel the wrath of a hot summer’s day!” The sun princess threw her head back as she made the flames rise higher. “Mwa ha ha ha ha ha-”
A canister struck her in the face and exploded into a burst of white foam when a beam of magic struck it.
Losing her concentration, the ring of fire went out and Trixie immediately dove onto cooler floor, smoke rising from her hooves.
“Oh, the Grateful and Hot Trixie thanks you for your timely assisteeeeeaah!”
“Help Lightning Dust!” Iron Will yelled, lowering his throwing arm and turning to face his new opponent. “Oooh, new challengers have entered the ring, pony! And they! Are! Ready! To! RUMBLE!!”
Celestia growled lowly as she swiped the foam from her face a second time and centred her glowing eyes on those that dared to stand up against her. “So what if there’s more of you? You’ll fail against me just like those other two.”
“If you’re so sure of that…” Iron Will smirked, stretching his arms and interlocking his fingers behind his head. “Then come get some.”
His pecs twitched in turn on each syllable.
Meanwhile…
“That’s very distracting.” Rarity said as she averted her gaze with a blush.
“Why are we even attracted to that?” Twilight pondered. “Ponies don’t have anywhere close to that sort of musculature, so why would we respond to it? Actually… now that I think about it… why would be physically attracted to griffons? That makes even less sense! Oh, Faust…”
Gasping, the young princess turned to her friends, who were still struggling to rise with the help of the crowd’s energy pouring into them.
“Girls! Ponies are incapable of recognizing compatible species for producing offspring!”
Rainbow Dash gasped with a look of shock and perked one ear. “Oh my gosh, do you hear that?”
“No!” Twilight whimpered. “What is it?”
“It’s the sound of nopony caring.”
“…”
“Sick burn.”
Back to the action…
Celestia tore her gaze away from the twitching pecs and swiped her sword diagonally, grinning evilly as she anticipated an easy victory. The minotaur was strong, no doubt, but it wasn’t like he had any sort of protection against her powerful flames!
Her cocky grin faded when her sword suddenly went out with a hiss of steam.
“What?” She drew back with a few flaps of her wings, now cautious as she relit her fire sword. “How did you…?”
Iron Will flashed a thumbs-up and a huge smile. “Iron Will’s sweat is the sweat that will drench the heavens!”
Celestia stared, a grimace forming on her face as she noticed Iron Will’s fur was drenched, matted down… and that a very strong odour was filling the room.
“Ew.”
“Yes indeed,” Flim nodded with an equally disturbed face. “Ew.”
“Ew.” Flam echoed, moving away from his bovine comrade.
“Sweat may not affect shadows…” Iron Will brought his hands together in front and flexed them together with a mighty crack that caused the floor to tremble. “But it affects fire! Hoo-rah!”
With a speed that belied his size, Iron Will lunged after Celestia with a fist drawn back. She had little chance to dodge and took the blow head-on, the sheer volume of his sweat greatly quelling the flames that wreathed her body as well as her sense of smell.
But she didn’t need her nose to fight.
Gritting her teeth, Celestia batted his arm away and grabbed him around the waist before somersaulting backwards eight times and suplexing Iron Will into the floor.
CRUNCH
Iron Will blinked in a daze and shook ceiling plaster from his horns before noticing a maid in the midst of cleaning.
“Hey, why are you upside-down?”
The maid gave him an odd look.
“… Oh.”
With the sound of crumbling plaster and wood, Iron Will was pulled back through the hole.
Lifting Iron Will back up with her telekinesis, Celestia gathered her power to singe him with a great fireball, but her concentration was interrupted when two pairs of magical beams blasted her in the side.
It hurt marginally more than a bee sting, but it was enough for Iron Will to recover and break free with a powerful flex.
Angered, Celestia turned her attention to the Flim Flam brothers and lashed out with her sword. “Don’t interrupt me!”
A combination of their metal suits and years of running away from irate townsfolk gave the brothers the agility and speed they needed to dodge the wild flames; they ducked and weaved and dodged the princess’ swings, causing her to grow hotter and hotter with anger as she left scorch mark after scorch mark on her own floors.
And they had just been polished!
“Hold still!” She howled. “Just hold-”
“-still!”
Luna fumed as her shadows failed time after time to ensnare the elusive Lightning Dust.
Iron Will was big and heavy and slow, and the brothers weren’t much better either when their jetpacks made their flight patterns straight and narrow, especially since Luna could increase the size of her shadowy limbs.
Lightning Dust was too fast and agile for even her shadows and her reaction time was, annoyingly, better than Luna’s. Any attempt the alicorn made to strike where the pegasus was going to be was ultimately fruitless: it was like trying to swat a fly with a pencil.
The other one, Trixie, was no challenge; Luna had snatched her up in a cage of darkness the instant she entered the battle – screaming and soaring through the air, strangely enough.
Oh, but she was shrill…
“Trixie’s talents have been for naught!” The unicorn sobbed as liquid darkness stained her majestic cape and hat. “The Innocent and Blameless Trixie is so disappointed with her teammates!”
Lightning Dust rolled her eyes and swooped in close, yelling as she passed, “Oi! Why don’t ya stop whining and show us how a star truly shines?!”
“Trixie is not whining!” She snapped. “She is complaining.”
“Well, complain as you show us how a star shines!” Lightning Dust cried, doubling back as Luna’s scythe devoured smaller shadows so it could reach further, its blade flexing like a grotesque claw. “How a star shines! How! A star! Shines!”
“Trixie heard you the first time: what in Equestria do you…?” A lightbulb went off over the unicorn’s head – a tendril of shadow swatted it away irritably – and her expression brightened. “Ooohhh… Brilliant!”
Electricity started dancing over her body as she channelled a spell.
Noticing this, Luna spared a derisive laugh. “Electricity cannot harm darkness, foolish mare! Your efforts will amount to nothing, and you will only sink faster into my embrace until you completely cease to-”
Trixie created a bright spark at the tip of her horn that, at most, would give a normal pony a static surprise, but caused Luna to shriek in pain and the cage around the unicorn to dissipate into nothingness.
Luna and her shadows shrunk back from Trixie, and the alicorn glared at her with eyes glowing in shock and fury.
“What?! How?!”
“Lightning and electricity give off another type of energy, princess…” Lightning Dust jeered with a crooked smile. “Light.”
“Grrr! How could I have been so blind?” Luna moaned.
Really, she knew it from the very start, but had to keep up performances, after all.
“Ha ha! Trixie believed in you all along!” Trixie swiped some shadow from her hat, bursting at the seams with her usual confidence. “That bit where she said she was disappointed in you? Lies. Now she is non-disappointed in you! Rejoice!”
“Just throw some damn light at her.”
“Ooh yeah! Have some more of Iron Will’s liquid bullness!”
“Ew!!” Celestia’s sword puffed out for the fifth time as Iron Will’s testosterone-riddled flex flung a bucket of sweat against her, leaving her open and vulnerable to another foam canister from the brothers. Weakened, she dropped heavily to the floor, and was suddenly twisted up like a pretzel by one smelly minotaur. “Oh, come on!”
“Ref?!” Iron Will scowled in annoyance, muscles bulging in effort as Celestia threatened to break free of his pin. Not even Flim Flam brothers jumping in and pulling at Celestia’s astral mane could dilute the strain of her godly strength. “Where’s the ref? He needs to count this!”
A goat in a black and white shirt was off buying a doughnut from Donut Joe’s stand.
“Iron Will’s gonna dock your pay!”
“Alright, that’s enough!”
Celestia burst out of her opponents’ holds with a tremendous surge of strength and rose into the air, an aura of red and orange flames surrounding her. Her eyes were like red-tinted flashlights and steam billowed from her jaws as her saliva was flash-boiled away.
“You’ve done it now!” She screamed with a look so furious and intense that it could give Fluttershy’s Stare a run for its money. “It’s time to turn up the heat!”
It started with a tiny lick of flame that spouted from Celestia’s lips: it grew from an inch to a foot and then to a metre, gaining in size and strength with every second until it flared down to cover every square inch of Celestia’s body and swallow her whole.
Then, she started spinning.
Faster and faster, until the fire covering her body transformed into a maelstrom of power, stretching from the floor to the ceiling, becoming a literal burning tornado.
The heat was unbearable: the brothers started sweating just as hard as Iron Will, whose protective armor of body secretions was beginning to evaporate.
“Oh, it is getting hot in here!” Flam cried, tugging on the scruff of his striped shirt.
“So we should probably take off all our clothes!” Flim cried.
“I won’t let that crisis befall my innocent fans!” Iron Will clenched his fists in determination and made a constipated face. “Hrrrrgh! Think, brain, think! The mind is a muscle, so it can be FLEXED!”
As Iron Will attempted the impossible, Flim and Flam occupied themselves by throwing foam grenades, pocket watches, and their own straw hats that were miraculously unaffected by the flames and twirled back to their heads to be thrown again.
With the discovery of their opponent’s weakness, Lightning Dust and Trixie were having more luck in their battle; they were able to swiftly dispatch any shadow tendrils that tried to grab them and Luna was forced to go on the defensive.
She snarled from behind a shield of darkness and sent out a swarm of tiny shadow insects. “Cursed fools! Just fall already!”
Trixie squeaked and lit up her horn as an improvised bug zapper. She winced at every bzzt and zap as the insects happily flew into her glowing horn and crumbled away in the light.
Lightning Dust charged her body and yelled, “Hey, horn-head – I made a plan, so it’s your turn! Any bright ideas? No pun intended.”
Trixie hemmed and hawed for a few moments before letting out an explosive gasp and striking a victorious pose. “The Ingenious and Intellectual Trixie has a plan!”
“I’m all ears!” Lightning Dust replied, shooting an arrow of lightning and intercepting a glob of molten darkness Luna fired her way.
“Trixie requires you to distract Luna for about thirty seconds while she prepares her attack!”
“Really?”
“Don’t you trust Trixie?”
“No,” Lightning Dust sighed. “But it’s not like I have a choice.”
The pegasus darted off to fly around Luna’s head, drawing her aggro, and leaving Trixie to prepare for her most spectacular stunt yet! But first…
“Nopony has a choice when it comes to Trixie…” Trixie muttered darkly, eyes wide and pupils mere dots as she creaked her head to the side. “Nopony…”
Meanwhile…
“…”
Twilight surveyed the scene.
Iron Will was practically frothing as he tried to think of a plan, the Flim Flam brothers were getting toasted, Trixie was staring at her creepily, Lightning Dust was smacking her rump and taunting a vexed Luna, and her friends were lying on the ground in excruciating ‘agony’.
“… What.”
Twilight wishes she could go home…
The planets aligned, and Iron Will was struck by an epiphany.
“Got it!” Triumphantly placing his hands on his hips, he turned towards the brothers as they faceplanted before him, smoking and charred. “You lazy bums! Get up and put a magical shield over us and Celestia!”
“What? Why?” Flam groaned.
“Just do it!”
“But-”
“DO IT!!”
“Fine!”
Reaching to his brother’s bandolier, Flam swiped a foam grenade, pulled a screwdriver and a pocket watch from beneath his hat, fiddled with them for two seconds, and slammed the newly-built F&F Magic Entrapment Device Mk2000 on the ground.
Green light flashed from the small device and expanded in a wide circle until they and Celestia were sealed in.
Flam looked up at the minotaur irritably. “Now what, my good fellow? We are trapped in with a tornado of fire!”
Iron Will swiped a thumb across his snout and winked, smiling. “You and your brother might wanna hold your breath.”
“… Pardon?”
Suddenly puffing himself up in an intimidating flex, Iron Will pursed his lips and began to inhale, inflating his huge lungs. The intake was so strong that Flam had to hold onto his hat lest it be swallowed whole.
He had no idea what was going on, but he followed the minotaur’s advice and held his breath. Flam prodded – kicked – his brother until he was conscious and quickly gestured for him to follow his lead.
All the while, Celestia was gaining speed and closing in on the trio. Her tornado had been cut off at the top by the magical barrier, but it mattered not; she was still going strong, and her most powerful attack would wipe the floor with these traitors.
“Ha ha ha! What on earth are you trying to do?” She called with a sneer, still able to see her victims clearly despite spinning around rapidly – practise made perfect after all. “Do you think to blow me out like a mere candle? This flame of mine shall never go out no matter how much water splashes it, no matter how strong a gust may be, no matter how low the temperature may-”
Her fire went out.
Not immediately, but fast enough that by the time Celestia realized something was amiss, her tornado had lost half its strength and she was visible in the dying flames once more.
“What?”
She clenched her teeth and spun faster, mentally urging her flames to rise, but it was all for naught; the last ember of her tornado flickered out, and she was left floating in place.
And then she felt her aura of fire weaken.
“No!” She panicked, eyes widening as her mane reverted back to its gentle colours and then even further by turning limp and solid. She stared at her hair as it fell over her shoulders, utterly perplexed and horrified. “What is this? How?!”
Suddenly, she realized.
‘The oxygen…’ Celestia trained her gaze on Iron Will as he sucked up ridiculous volumes of air, more than his lungs could realistically hold. ‘He’s inhaling all of it, so my fire can’t form! And… and since I need more oxygen than normal to fight…’
A dizzy spell struck her and she collapsed to the floor with a cry of pain.
“No! N-no!” She tried to rise, but her inner fire was being starved of fuel. “No… how can this be? B-brought down by… by…”
Iron Will was turning red as he sucked up the last bit of oxygen and quickly sealed his lips shut, pecs twitching as he struggled to contain his supply.
‘Come on! Come on!’
He watched his opponent struggle and twitch and futilely grab at the containment device that was so far out of reach…
And fell still.
“… PWWAAAHHH!!”
The mighty exhale he released sent the blue-faced brothers flailing up and against the barrier, splatting them against it until the hurricane-like draft knocked the device over, and the green dome of magic collapsed, along with its creator.
Iron Will fell to his hands and knees, puffing and panting and stinky…
But victorious.
“YEAH!!” He pumped his fist, relishing in the cheers of the crowd. “Iron Will sucks real good!”
The cheers died down save for a few awkward claps.
Luna saw a flash of green light out of the corner of her eye, but she couldn’t afford to see how her sister was faring; Lightning Dust had made a mistake in her flight pattern and Luna was able to land a glancing blow on her wing.
With her movement suddenly restricted by pain, Lightning Dust couldn’t dodge the snatching shadows as effectively as before, and it wasn’t long before one snagged her hindleg and held her back enough for several other shadowy limbs to latch on.
“Eurgh! No!” Lightning Dust called on her powers, but one shadow grabbed the back of her head and filled it with mental static; she could barely recall her own birthday let alone focus long enough for an attack. “N… no! D-damn… it!”
“You have been thorns in my side, but that is now over!” Luna, panting from having to exert herself for the first time in millennia, swept her burning eyes across the room. “Where is your friend? She will fall just as you did, and the Chosen Killjoy’s quest will finally be over, once and for all!”
“You called?”
Luna spun in place, anticipating a blow, but she was puzzled to see the light blue unicorn standing in plain sight after being absent from the battle for several seconds.
She looked nervous, though, and in her hoof she clutched…
A firecracker?
“… Bwa ha ha ha ha!” Luna guffawed loudly. She allowed the weakened Lightning Dust to hit the floor and called on her shadows to propel her forwards on a tidal wave of darkness. Her eyes burned like white fire and her teeth were bared in an awful rictus. “Do you really believe that mere toy can defeat me? It may be light, but it is nothing – a minor sting, at best!”
Trixie swallowed and ignited the firework with her horn.
“What’s this? No boasting? Ha ha! Truly, your spirit has been crushed!”
Trixie whimpered and charged forwards, holding the firecracker high as it left a trail of smoke and sparks.
Luna laughed again. She must have given up to do such a reckless thing.
To emphasize her charge, Trixie let out a loud battle cry, her vision blinded as her hat fell over her eyes.
Luna matched her cry with her own, strong enough that it rattled the entire room.
The two foes clashed…
… and Trixie disappeared into Luna’s tar-black body.
As Luna anticipated, it was a minor sting when the firecracker was absorbed, a very small price to pay for the defeat of those annoying mares. Now, she was free to-
Luna suddenly gasped as pain bloomed deep within her. “Agh! What was-”
Another stab of pain.
And then another.
And another.
Howling, Luna’s eyes sunk back into their sockets so she could look within the pocket dimension that housed her shadows and bits and pieces she had absorbed, searching, searching until finally-
…
Luna’s floating eyes bulged in horror as a half-conscious Trixie’s cape fanned out to reveal the dozens upon dozens of fireworks strapped into the fabric.
There was an enormous firework in her hat that was apparently called ‘Big Papa’, judging by the label.
Its lit fuse spat sparks and disappeared into the body.
“Oh gosh darn it.”
To those outside the dimension, they were lucky to witness a beautiful display as a multitude of colourful lights and fires blew Luna’s sludgy body apart; globs of liquid darkness splattered everywhere, only to immediately break apart into nothingness due to a lack of a conscious mind holding them all together.
The crowd recovered from Iron Will’s earlier remark and whooped in delight at the unexpected but nonetheless pleasant display of pyrotechnics. It served as a visual delight for the joy they felt at seeing former villains emerge victorious.
And amidst the cheers and exploding fireworks, five figures stood and grouped together, bruised and battered… but alive.
“-have to get a permit if you want to sell that stuff,” Twilight told Rarity, who nodded in understanding and jotted down a quick note on some paper. “Normally the authorities don’t mind if it’s enchantments tailored to security, but there’s been a recent string of…” Hearing cheers, Twilight paused and turned, blinking in astonishment at the sight of the five figures walking towards them. “Oh… you won?”
“Bet your ass we did!” Lightning Dust laughed happily and punched Trixie in the shoulder. “Showmare over here actually did something smart!”
Trixie ignored the pain of the strike and delicately looked towards Twilight, her eyelashes fluttering cutely. “Ah… d-did you notice me, Twily~?”
“Ehhh… sorta looked away at the end, but…” Twilight shrugged. “Great job out there anyway! Thanks for helping us out.”
“Totally,” Rainbow Dash nodded as she and the others got up spryly, as if there was nothing wrong with them in the first place. “You guys were awesome! Especially you, big dude! Got that lung action going, yeah?”
Iron Will preened beneath the praise and did a victory flex. “Iron Will always aims to please! Ooh yeah!”
Twilight, moving to congratulate Flim and Flam, shrunk back when a bright light suddenly stung her eyes. She turned towards the source, squinting. “Oh gosh, what’s happening now?”
“Me, apparently.”
Star Secret’s chains shone a pristine white and, to her annoyance, proceeded to lift her into the air. Twirling. For some reason.
It was hard to see with the light, but it was clear Star Secret was scowling.
“Psst!”
The irritated mare looked down at the floor to see Celestia waving to get her attention without being too obvious. Luna was next to her, tongue flopping out and eyes closed, the picture of defeat if she hadn’t just moved to scratch her side.
“Lines!” Celestia hissed sharply. “Say your lines!”
Star Secret rolled her eyes and let out a forlorn sigh.
“Oh Great Chosen Killjoy and friends – thou hast rescued me from a fate most heinous. In return for thy bravery, I promise to lend mine power so that, together, we may rid ourselves of this Anime Curse, so that our lands may return to a time of peace and harmony: where flowers bloom, kittens play, and dozens of deadly creatures attack Ponyville on a daily basis.”
It was a magnificent speech, even if Star Secret said it with the enthusiasm of a tray of litter.
Even the chains holding her lazily fell apart instead of exploding.
To make up for it, a halo of light appeared behind her, blinding those in the room with its magnificence, and those tough enough to bear the light would see beautiful white wings of pure energy extending from Star Secret’s back.
Star Secret’s lips twitched like she found this amusing for some reason.
“Finally…” Twilight breathed in reverence, stepping forward, eyes sparkling with hope. “Perhaps now… I can finally… read my book in peace.”
Star Secret rolled her eyes and silently mouthed, “Three… two… one…”
A great, brown paw tore through space and snatched up Star Secret, quelling her glorious light.
Twilight gasped in fright and took a step back as another tear opened up over the captured mare to reveal a yellow eye that was twice her size.
“Yo, yo, yo – we be the Alicorn Sisterz!” Celestia waved her hooves randomly while wearing sunglasses and talking hot smack.
“Shout out to all the dudes and dudettes who don’t try to ship us together!” Luna said with equally ridiculous posing.
“What?” Twilight pondered.
“Also, your friends are out of it.”
Twilight’s friends collapsed for some reason.
“What?”
“Don’t worry, my love!” Trixie shouted as she, Iron Bull, Lightning Dust, and the Flim Flam brothers broke through a wall to start beating up the sisters. “We’ll save you!”
“What?”
The sisters fell, defeated, and their prisoner was released from her shackles in a burst of moe, magical princess-like energy.
“I’m not happy about this.” Star Secret sighed.
Twilight blinked owlishly. “… What?”
The fabric of space and time suddenly ripped open, and Discord popped out to snatch up Star Secret, guffawing villainously. “El oh el – I am so evil!”
“I’m still not happy.” Star Secret repeated blandly.
“… WHAT?!”
Episode 8
物事は奇妙な取得しようとしています Monogoto wa kimyōna shutoku shiyou to shite imasu – The Final Battle: Cataclysm of the Reigning Lord
Reality didn’t so much as break as give up and commit seppuku when Discord crashed through the fabric that kept the universe woven together.
Twilight literally heard glass shattering as anomalous holes and cracks formed in the air, spreading and widening and giving glimpses of the unknowable dimension that occupied the same space as the world she knew; colours she could not imagine nor comprehend flashed against the sky – was it the sky? It could have been the ground sea – as the throne room’s walls and windows dissolved away until only the floor remained.
Even the crowd on the bleachers were sent away in a flash of white light, leaving only a few foam hooves and assorted cans of soda.
It floated sat hung in the expanse of this alternate dimension, and Twilight took several steps back, experiencing a sensory overload; it was all she could do to keep her gaze on Discord.
Discord, who was even larger than he had been in Ponyville, so large that she could only see a portion of his upper body and head; his arms weren’t attached to his torso, and instead stretched out of swirling vortexes of blue-white energy in different spots. One was clutching Star Secret – still frowning and itching to smack a filly – as if she were a doll and the other was flexing its eagle-like talons while dripping with molten hot lava lightning.
Twilight groaned and rubbed her temples. ‘Oh stallion, I am so going to get a migraine from this…’
“I am so very surprised you managed to make it this far,” Discord boomed with a flash of his immense teeth in his giant maw. His neck spasmed in and out of existence, and Twilight caught glimpses of a second mouth without lips and lined with triangular teeth. “Not unpleasantly, mind you. After all, there’s nothing more satisfying than doing something with your own two hands, isn’t there?”
“It’s the guy that bullied us!” Trixie cried, pointing her accusing hoof… accusingly. “Quick –beat him up and Trixie shall steal his lunch money!”
Twilight’s friends – both old and new – moved as one and leaped high into the air towards the towering behemoth with an updraft so powerful that it caused her to stumble forwards and faceplant. As expected, she was ignored, and her friends let out powerful and dramatic battle cries as they heroically met the Lord of Chaos head on.
Discord was not intimidated.
“Oh come now…”
With a snap of his talons, the space around the heroes distorted as time was forced to move at a snail’s pace, effectively freezing them in mid-air.
“You didn’t think it was going to be that easy, did you?”
He snapped his talons again and summoned several pony-sized phantoms of himself that assaulted the heroes with a hundred punches; at first none of them reacted, but when Discord allowed time to revert, they contorted and shuddered violently as the energy of the punches came simultaneously. Many were blown back by the sheer inertia and those that weren’t were knocked down into the floating island.
“Muda muda…” Discord snickered, blowing on his talons suavely. “Now, while they’re down for the count, I think it’s high time I addressed the workponyship of my two remaining minions.”
Celestia and Luna, still trembling and weak from their injuries, exchanged frightened glances.
“Wh-what are you talking about?” Celestia asked, struggling into her hooves and turning to face her lord. “We did our best!”
“And it seems as though your best wasn’t good enough,” Discord sighed forlornly. “Really, now – you two were supposed to be the strongest of my minions, and yet you were defeated by them anyway. How disappointing.”
“Th-they teamed up against us!” Luna protested, joining her sister. “What were we to do? We were outnumbered!”
“And outmatched. No point in attempting to exempt yourselves from punishment; truthfully, I never intended to keep any of you around anyway. All of you…” Discord grinned sadistically as his talons gripped the edge of the island. “Were just a way to get some good laughs.”
His enormous talons easily slid through the island’s surface and sent out numerous cracks in the linoleum. A few raced beneath the alicorn sisters’ hooves; they stayed and stared in shock until the cracks began glowing red-hot, and with the waning reserves of their strength, they ran away just as blazing jets of fire billowed from the ground.
“How could you betray us?!” Celestia cried dramatically as she and her sister cowered behind one significantly smaller and considerably annoyed Twilight Sparkle. “Chosen Killjoy! I… I know we may not be on the best of terms… what with my sister and I disabling your friends and generally driving you to insanity and everything… but surely you’ll protect us from this monster?”
Luna nodded, eyes big and teary. “Yes! Surely?”
“I mean, look at my sister – she’s so moe!”
“Yes! Moe!”
Twilight just sighed. “Princess Celestia, it’s kinda hard to believe you’re in danger when you’re running from fire, of all things.”
Celestia blushed and cleared her throat with a fake cough.
On the other side of the island, Discord rolled his eyes and pulled his talons out from the ground. The cracks that had formed were sealed up in an instant and the fires snuffed out.
“Ugh, you’re the type that sits down with her friends and a movie, and just spends the entire length of it pointing out inconsistencies and flaws.”
“You have no idea,” Rainbow Dash groaned from where she had been cratered into the floor. “I put on Assignment: Highly Unlikely 3 and she pointed out about 200 things she didn’t like. It’s a freaking action movie, for Faust’s sake!”
“You can have a good action movie while keeping it within the realm of possibility!” Twilight cried.
“I have to agree with her,” Star Secret nodded, completely unbothered by her captivity and the mind-melting dimension they were in. “Has anypony watched Blast Scenario: Final Cataclysm? That’s a realistic and enjoyable film.”
“Exactly! I’m so glad somepony thinks that, too.”
“That movie got one and half stars out of five.” Flim interjected from where he and his brother lay sprawled out across Iron Will’s back.
“More like a third.” Flam corrected.
Twilight scoffed. “Only because the critic was more interested in explosions and improbable feats of physical prowess.”
“Okay, can we just get back on track here?” Discord waved his arms about in irritation, much to Star Secret’s displeasure. “I only rented this pocket dimension for about an hour, and the guy who owns it is a shark when it comes to haggling. Literally if you look at him from the right angle and through the seventh dimension…”
Twilight rolled her eyes, but decided to drop the subject. “So… we’re finally here, huh? I’m guessing this is the ‘final obstacle’, so to speak? The last enemy to defeat in order to restore balance and logic?”
“You say it as if it’s a simple task,” Discord laughed. “I am the final boss of the player character’s quest. I am the rope climb of gym class. I am that one math question at the end of the test that messes you up because it’s really simple when the other questions before it were super-hard. I am… Discord!”
“Yeah, I figured,” Twilight sighed. “Okay, so… who’s going to fight you now? All of my friends at once?”
“I’m not your friend!” Lightning Dust cried from somewhere beneath the pile of Fluttershy, Rarity, Trixie, and Applejack. “Also, I am about to suffocate!”
“Friends? Oh ho ho, goodness, no…” Discord bared his teeth at her in a technical smile. “I’m such a pimp that I can no sell any of your friends’ attacks and smack them around like they’re a bunch of lamps.”
“You smack around lamps?” Star Secret asked, drawing her eyebrows together.
“No, my dear Chosen Killjoy… you are the only one that can stop me.”
Twilight blinked. “What.”
“I’m sorry, Twily…” Pinkie groaned, struggling to get up. She used her oversized sword as a crutch, but it achieved little. “His power is overwhelming. It’s like trying to resist a chocolate cake with ripe strawberries on top and shavings of white chocolate.”
Twilight shuddered as she felt a droplet of Celestia’s drool land on her shoulder, and stepped to the side. “What am I supposed to do? I don’t even have powers, and I refuse to cave in to this insanity!”
“You must, darling!” Rarity cried dramatically. “For the good of Equestria, you must find the strength deep within yourself!”
“Remember what you said on the mountain!” Rainbow Dash added. “When you kept eating dirt and got super salty over it.”
“Or when ya’ll first entered th’ throne room an’ said all tha’ good stuff ta th’ princesses!” Applejack chimed in, rolling on the pile to better face Twilight and inadvertently covering Lightning Dust’s flailing hoof. “Remember?!”
Twilight did remember.
“Sparkle!”
Twilight blinked in surprise at the new voice and looked forwards, craning her head up slightly towards Discord’s hand. “Star Secret?”
“I agree with you about this nonsense!” The captured mare shouted down, her expression fierce and determined. “I, too, believe this is outside of my comfort zone, but you must remember what is at stake here!”
Star Secret grunted as she struggled against Discord’s massive paw.
“The forces of evil will always be opposed by the forces of good! Light will always battle against dark! You know this, Sparkle – you’ve fought against various enemies that would wish harm upon Equestria. With the Elements of Harmony, the manifestation of all that is righteous, you’ve chased away the dark that would smother us all!
“But this new enemy… this ‘Anime’… it will not be defeated by the logic and sanity you desperately try to hold onto! Against improbably large swords…”
Pinkie glanced at her weapon.
“Against impossible feats of physical prowess…”
Iron Will and Applejack looked at each other.
“Against bombastic villains and heroes that have a penchant for explaining their back stories…”
Everyone coughed to clear their throats.
“It will fail! Think of magnetics, Sparkle! Think of positivity and negativity!”
Twilight looked down at her hooves, her brow furrowing. “A positive force attracts a negative force…”
“Anime is positive and your logic is negative,” Star Secret panted from the efforts of her futile escape. Still, she continued to fight. “To defeat it, you must become positive as well! You must repel Anime… with Anime!”
Twilight grimaced in despair. “I… I don’t know if I can do it. I never wanted this; I just wanted to stay home and read a book.”
“You can do it, Sparkle! You may not believe it, but there is Anime within you, within all of us. The magic and power of friendship? Overcoming immense odds by drawing on the support of one’s friends? Learning about oneself by facing numerous trials in life? Those are key elements in Anime, and they are elements you have already displayed whenever you and your friends accomplish a feat or learn an important lesson.”
Twilight’s eyes widened. “Learn… an important lesson?”
“Dear Princess Celestia, I learned something today…”
“… friendship is a wonderful and powerful thing…”
“… real friends don’t care what your cover is…”
“… the best thing to do is to stay true to yourselves…”
“The potential for good and evil exists within every stallion, mare, and foal!” Star Secret cried. “And so the potential for Anime exists within us all! Find that potential, Sparkle; find it and bring it forth to repel the Chaos Lord. I know you can do it, Sparkle. I… I believe in you!!”
Twilight pressed her lips together as her eyes watered.
‘She believes in me…’ She sniffled and closed her eyes, feeling an unfamiliar fire build in her chest. ‘She barely knows me yet she believes in me.’
“Faust, that better have gotten her moving…” Star Secret grumbled beneath her breath.
“That was some grade-A fibbing,” A tiny Discord popped out of the giant Discord’s ear and gave her a thumbs-up. “You really are a politician.”
“Yeah, Star Secret’s right!” Rainbow Dash nodded firmly, and pumped her hoof into the air. “Go, Twilight! If you can’t do it, then nopony can!”
“Ya’ll can do anything ya set yer mind ta!” Applejack cheered.
“Little pony, for the good of Equestria, you must find the strength within!” Iron Will shouted with a supportive flex. “Believe that you are worthy to be believed in by others!”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie does not date those with low self-esteem. The only ones worthy of being courted by Trixie are those who are as great and powerful as she is! Show her that you are that type of pony, Senpai!”
“You’re our best hope!”
“Correct, brother! The best hope is what she is!”
“I’m pretty much blacking out from asphyxiation over here, so rah, rah and support, support, now get your butt moving!”
”hooray…”
Twilight felt the fire within spread through her body. Hearing wind chimes, she cracked open her eyes and saw pixels of white-purple light dancing about.
She didn’t resist it.
The words of her friends echoed in her head, of those with her… and beyond.
“Something’s happening…”
Coco Pommel stared in awe at the curling ribbons of prismatic energy that covered the sky. Deep within her soul, she felt a strong sense of power.
And it wasn’t just her – the misshapen, titan ponies that persistently hunted Manehatten’s denizens had also stopped to stare up at the sky, and she could see the same form of energy leaving their bodies to float up into the stratosphere.
“Suri!” Coco cried excitedly. “Do you see this?”
“Coco, zip it, mmkay?!” Suri replied from somewhere behind her. “Mr. Ceph over here wants to show me a new trick~”
‘Mr. Ceph’ let out a tired groan.
“Soarin, they’re doing it!” Spitfire held her hoof in front of her chest emphatically as she stared up at the swirling vortex of rainbow light that surrounded Canterlot. “Concentrate on friendship and give them your all!”
“… Captain, we have literally just fallen off a cliff. Please take me to the hospital.”
“What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the smell of the pie I brought for lunch and didn’t get to eat.”
“That was four weeks ago! I’m sorry!”
Twilight could feel it.
She could feel the power of friendship flowing through her like a wild forest fire; it made her feel as if she had donned her Element and she was preparing to direct the full force of its magic onto her unfortunate opponent.
But there was no Element to direct that power this time.
She would have to deliver it unto Discord – by her own hoof and horn.
Star Secret had spoken the truth: she might not like it, but if resorting to Anime’s own methods was the only way to utterly defeat the source of it, then there was nothing more to be said.
Calling on the wellspring of power, Twilight ushered it to enshroud her physique in a ghostly, purple aura.
Filled with determination, she puffed out her chest and glared daggers at Discord, her eyes glowing white and making her all the more intimidating.
“Discord…” She said. “I… I…”
“Ooh, what’s the matter, Twily?” Discord sneered mockingly, though on the inside he was twitchy with anticipation. “Suddenly lost your nerve? Don’t feel bad. You can just lie down and accept that my rule will last forever.”
The remark further bolstered Twilight’s resolve.
“I understand it all now, Discord. I understand why I have been sent on this journey,” She spread her wings, the tips of her primaries turning white with energy. “It was to give me substance, give me a reason to fight! I see it clearly; I see, now, why my friends have fought so hard!”
“Yes, you tell him, darling!” Rarity cheered alongside the others.
“To show me that if I do not fight… then I will never be allowed to rest and read my books in peace!”
Her friends quieted and awkwardly looked at each other.
“Er, well… I don’t suppose there’s a more grandiose reason than that, darling?”
Twilight stabbed her hoof forward as the energy surrounding her frothed intensely. “For the crime of disturbing my peace and quiet with your explosions, exposition, filler, and distracting violations of the laws of the universe that we scientific ponies revere and swear to uphold, I, Twilight the Killjoy, shall deliver your comeuppance!!”
The power within her growing to uncontainable levels, Twilight grimaced and let out a booming battle cry as her aura condensed and shot straight into the air like a geyser, shaking the very molecular bonds of the pocket dimension.
“GRRRRAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!”
Discord shielded his face from the blinding light, and his mouth was turned up in an excited grin. “Oh ho ho, yes! I knew you had it in you, Twilight Sparkle!”
“Bravo, Twilight!” Celestia clapped happily as clouds of dust billowed from the geyser of power and blew back her mane. “Doesn’t it just make you wish to sing, Lulu?”
Luna blew through her lips in disgust and covered her face with her wing. “Ugh, not under these conditions…”
Twilight curled in on herself as a white coating of hard light washed over body. A slab of metal, diamond-tough and shining with lustre, materialized out of the hard light, covered in golden floral etchings, and adhered to her chest. It curled and stretched to fit her form as another flash of white burned the Element of Magic’s insignia upon it, bright pink and dazzling. The same metal materialized onto her hooves as protective shoes; they flowed up the front of her legs and stopped at the knees.
Twilight unfurled in one grand gesture, and stretched out her wings; the white light covering them seeped down to coat her feathers before flashing to a bright purple aura that frothed and flickered, as if her wings were alight with oddly coloured embers.
Twilight inhaled deeply; she crossed her forelimbs across her chest momentarily before throwing them out to the sides, dispersing the remnants of the hard light and the geyser of power, and letting out another shiver-inducing roar.
“HYYAAAAGGGGHHH!!”
Twilight crouched, shattered the floor beneath her when she jumped, and hovered at an altitude level with Discord’s massive head, wings spread but completely motionless, though she had no trouble keeping aloft.
“This is the end of your reign, Discord!” Twilight yelled, wisps of purple light hovering in the black expanses of her eyes. “You’ll learn the power of friendship if I have to beat it into you!”
Twilight Sparkle, the Chosen Killjoy
A socially awkward mare about to throw down with a god
Rainbow Dash’s eyes bulged out to ‘squee’ levels of size. “So… awesome!”
Trixie panted heavily and futilely attempted to fan herself before inevitably fainting with a lecherous expression frozen onto her face.
“Well, well – I certainly shan’t hold up this show,” Discord chuckled, summoning a gilded bird cage and tossing Star Secret in. He left her to float in the air as he cracked his fingers and scaled his size down. His feet touched the island and he stood straight, hands clasped behind his back, emitting an air of superiority and unimaginable strength. “Rule of Anime, my dear Twilight: going from large and bulky to small and lean means that one is a lot stronger.”
Twilight said nothing as she floated back to the island. Her burning eyes bore down on him.
Discord smirked fearlessly as he watched her descend to his level.
“Of course, I can’t really be called ‘small’ seeing as even my base form still towers over you all by a considerable amount, but them’s the breaks when you hold enough power to shatter reality, isn’t it? Don’t feel too disparaged by…”
Discord froze as Twilight’s armored hooves touched the ground and he found himself looking straight ahead rather than downwards.
“Ah… you appear to have… had quite the growth spurt. I didn’t really notice that with all the posing you were doing.”
“The arrogant are always blind, especially to their demise,” Twilight retorted, her mane flowing behind her in a dramatic wind. “Now, face me – the power of friendship will cast you down into a sunless purgatory!”
Discord’s cheeks puffed out as he snorted amusedly. “Okay, that was lame. Heck, I’d have to work to come up with something as lame as-”
WHAP
Discord blinked as he found himself hurtling through the air, and blinked again as Twilight suddenly appeared before him, face cast in shadow and eyes like hovering spotlights as she raised both forehooves over her head.
“Oh my.”
CRACK
Twilight raced after Discord as he plunged downwards, fast as a lightning bolt, and positioned herself in his trajectory to deliver a devastating uppercut that sent him twirling up.
It all just came to her like she had been practising her whole life.
When she called on her power to shield her body in a bright purple corona as she spiralled upwards to smash into and pass through Discord like a vengeful spectre, it was as easy as breathing.
“This rush of power that courses through my veins…” Twilight looked down at her hoof and as she came to an abrupt stop. “It’s indescribable. It feels as if I can accomplish anything I set my mind to…”
Twilight’s ears twitched as she heard Discord cough behind her, and clenched her teeth furiously; she lowered her hoof, spun around, and ascended even higher as her wings stretched out to their full span, the feathers glowing like a supernova.
“But all I wish to do now is purify this baka with the guiding light of friendship!”
“Alright, I get it!” Discord grunted as he brushed some dust off his chest and looked up, his face one of slight irritation. “Friendship is great, but it’s not as if it’ll…”
His bottom jaw flopped down to his feet as Twilight roared and sent out a barrage of different coloured spheres of energy; the sheer, overwhelming number of them and their brightness briefly put his brain on hold as it struggled with the sensory overload.
Once it recovered, a crooked grin spread across Discord’s face as he summoned two scimitars into both hands. “Ooh, now things are interesting.”
He threw himself into the fray.
The spheres of energy weren’t just numerous and bright; they were constantly shifting and moving about in complex patterns and shapes. There were seemingly no gaps for Discord to slip through, but he found them, and if he couldn’t, then he slashed at the spheres and made them dissipate.
He was gaining ground, and Twilight upped the ante by charging some of the spheres that shot out from her wings with extra magic. Discord found this out the hard way when he slashed one, and it exploded violently, knocking him back.
“You think this is tough?” He laughed, easily righting himself and coming back for more. His scimitars were blurs as he weaved through the gaps, slashed the spheres that blocked his way, and avoided the spheres with more luminescence than the rest. “Puh-lease – I invented the term ‘bullet hell’, and I was playing with tougher patterns than this when you were just a twinkle in the eye of your oldest ancestor!”
Twilight growled and unexpectedly tossed in a crescent wave of energy with her sphere barrage. “I don’t know what a ‘bullet’ is, but I’m just getting started!”
“Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!” Discord laughed maniacally as clanged his scimitars together and fired a ball of chaos magic that collided with the crescent wave and formed a massive explosion that he flew through, unharmed. “Don’t hold back!”
He was close enough that Twilight’s spheres went by before they could formulate a shape, so she abandoned the assault and launched herself at him, her expression fierce with determination.
They collided, and the shockwave of kinetic force sent nearby islands of floating rock twirling through the pocket dimension.
“Whoooooaaaahh!!” Applejack held onto the holes she had punched into the floor for dear life as the island that held them spun around like a merry-go-round on a caffeine rush.
“Iron Will was never a fan of the carnival!” Iron Will cried, struggling to keep his grip on the floor while the majority of those on the island clung to his hulking form for anchorage. “Uh, h-hey! Iron Will feels someone grabbing back there!”
“So sorry, my friend!” Flam quipped.
“Whhhheeeeeee!!” Pinkie exclaimed happily, forelegs wrapped around the minotaur’s horns while the rest of her body floated dangerously in inertia’s grasp.
Twilight’s hooves were clutched tight between Discord’s hands, and the two pushed against one another for supremacy as they sneered, limbs trembling and beads of sweat rolling down their brows.
Twilight’s bright purple aura flickered and churned like a great flame while Discord’s dark aura, somehow flashing with all colours and none of them at once, writhed and oozed; the two opposing energies emitted white sparks where they clashed.
“Wh-what’s that supposed to mean?” Twilight grunted, trembling as she was forced back inch by inch.
“‘Defeat is clear’,” The draconequus’ eyes shone bright yellow as he suddenly pushed her hooves to the side and pulled his head back. “And so is the winner!”
CRACK
Twilight’s sight was flooded with stars as her head snapped back from the vicious headbutt, and she was too dazed to defend herself as Discord spun around, adopted a martial art stance, and drove his elbow into her gut.
Spittle bursting from between her lips, Twilight shot across the infinite expanse of the dimension, her aura trailing after her like a contrail.
Discord went after her, putting on a burst of speed that produced another shockwave that resonated across the area and sent several more small islands flying. Catching up and overtaking Twilight quickly, he halted in her path, snatched her by the back of the head in his talons, and dove down into a floating land mass.
“Here’s some dirt in your eye!”
That sentence was more painful to Twilight than having her face smashed into rock and grinded against it for a dozen or so yards.
With a flash of power, she shot out another barrage of energy spheres from her wings; they exploded instantly upon making contact with Discord, and the explosion fractured the island in half while sending them both flying off in different directions with contrails of smoke. Twilight righted herself with a frustrated snarl.
She needed more power!
She needed to be more Anime!
“Don’t think,” She murmured to herself, eyes shutting tight as Discord produced another sonic boom in the distance to come after her. “Just feel.”
The wellspring of power within her intensified.
“The rightful light of justice will crush you with its righteous light!” Twilight roared as her power swelled in her throat and surged forth as a massive beam of destruction.
Discord stopped as soon as he saw the beam, and crossed his arms in front of himself. He was on guard, and prepared to take the full brunt of the attack once it was upon him.
‘… Although, I could just move out of the way. I mean, it’s taking quite a while to get to me. Come to think of it, I could have used the time I’m spending thinking about dodging to actually just-’
Discord was swept up in the rush of purple energy, and his thoughts on dodging were dashed against the rocky face of a floating island.
Also, his face.
Also, his pride.
The terrific power of the blast carved away the island’s formation like a chisel against stone, and still had enough strength to continue drilling through three more masses before finally dissipating.
Discord groaned as his smoking and charred body stopped tumbling and he could balance himself out. “Oof, that’s a big owie!” He conjured up an aspirin bottle and shook out three pieces of candy into his paw while looking ahead through narrowed eyes. “My, my – she hit me quite a ways; I can barely even see-”
Twilight suddenly flash-stepped in front of him.
“Oh, now I can see you much bet-”
POW
Eventually their island stopped spinning at such speeds to make them fly off, and Twilight’s companions could finally stand and keep their balance long enough to watch the fight from afar.
It wasn’t hard; the auras that surrounded Discord and Twilight made them stand out against the eldritch skies, and the shockwaves from their titanic blows made visible distortions in the air.
The strongest of them could even be felt.
“My, she’s quite motivated,” Rarity said, awestruck as she watched her friend conjure a great dragon of magic to attack Discord. “Ooh, you know, this has inspired me to create a new line of dresses that showcase these spectacular visuals.”
“I knew Twily had it in her!” Pinkie sniffled, full of pride as she wiped away a tear. “They grow up so fast…”
“She is certainly strong, but I fear that Discord is toying with her,” Celestia grimaced worriedly as she watched Discord counter the spectral dragon by ripping a hole in reality and allowing the tentacle of some inter-dimensional being to slither out and pull the poor thing in. “As powerful as she currently is, there is a reason that she had to come here, and that reason is…”
Celestia trailed off and blinked as if just remembering something.
Turning around, she scanned the skies until her gaze settled on a spinning cage in the distance that’s momentum had yet to run down.
“Whoops.”
“You’ll never defeat me, Sparkle!”
Discord cackled sadistically as he pulled an enormous sword out of thin air; its serrated blade was hewn from obsidian and its hilt and pommel fashioned from quartz. The length of the sword surpassed Discord’s height by several inches, but with no ground or wall to scrape against, he was free to use it to deadly effect.
“Gyah!”
Twilight was flung back several yards as the greatsword slashed her across the chest, inexplicably leaving her skin untouched but smacking her with the force of a train.
She smashed into a floating land mass, sending up a cloud of dust and chunks of debris. Dazed, she had no chance to react when Discord suddenly materialized in front of her, turning the sword to the side and slamming the length of the hilt against Twilight’s neck.
“To survive chaos, one must be strong; to wield it, one must be beyond strength itself.”
Twilight grimaced and bared her teeth as she struggled to push the sword and Discord’s combined weight off her. “Glk! Grrr!”
Discord laughed merrily at her struggles and pushed harder; his other hand grasping the edge of the immeasurably sharp blade was completely unharmed.
“You are strong, Sparkle, but that’s just it…”
He leaned in close, his sneer widening to cheek-splitting proportions as his eyes glowed brightly in joy.
“‘Strong’ has its limits. You were a fun match, but now I think it’s time to end this.”
Twilight winced in pain. “Erk…”
Discord continued sneering at her.
Twilight continued struggling.
Discord blinked.
“Hrf…”
“… Yes… that is to say, the Chosen Killjoy shall soon be stricken from her friends’ memories, and become nothing but a fleeting thought of what could have been.” Discord said rather loudly.
Twilight gave him a look of confusion through her discomfort.
Discord blinked again.
“I, Discord, will defeat Twilight Sparkle!” He shouted, clearly enunciating each syllable.
Twilight blinked.
“Bad guy is going to win! Very bad, much despair!”
“…?”
A few seconds of awkwardly matching each other’s stares later, Discord yelped as something large, metal, and yellow smashed into him from the side; the sword pinning Twilight to the island also vanished into wisps of shadow, allowing her to finally free herself from the rocky crevice she had been embedded in.
“Wh-what was…?” Twilight gasped, rubbing her throat.
A giant bird cage slowly spun away from her, along with the glowering captive inside that just reeked of annoyance and tangible rage.
Twilight had no idea that someone could smell angry.
“Sorry I’m late!” Celestia shouted off to the side, looking very sheepish. “I was meant to toss her over when Discord had you pinned, but it took a while to… I-I mean, look! I have found Star Secret and brought her here! Quickly! For you to join forces!”
Twilight blinked in puzzlement, and Star Secret groaned before muttering, “We’re to hold hooves, and I’ll transfer my power over to you so that you’ll finally have the power to match Discord.”
“Oh. Oh! Yes, it all makes sense!” Twilight lit up her horn to break the cage’s door off and levitate Star Secret out of her prison. “The power of our friendship will chase away this foul darkness!”
“I somewhat regret having turned you onto the same path of insanity as the rest,” Star Secret sighed, one eye twitching as Twilight hugged her tightly. “Also, I’m pretty sure I said, ‘hold hooves’.”
Star Secret’s words were drowned out as Discord materialized in front of them, shattering the cage as if it were glass, and growing back to his titanic size with an enraged roar that shook the dimension’s fragile, ether tethers.
“You’re a pain in my side!” He bellowed, pointing a house-sized talon at Celestia, who stared blankly for a second before remembering to squeal and cower in terror. “I’ll split you into seven pieces and scatter them into seven different volcanoes so you can burn in agony forever!”
“No, you won’t!” Twilight shouted boldly. She didn’t even flinch as Discord’s massive face turned to glare down at her. “The Chosen Killjoys stand together, and it is our burning hearts with which we shall stop your reign of tyranny! Right, Star Secret?”
“I’m gonna shove crystals in your face when I take over Equestria…”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Oh, how cute, you think you truly have a chance just because you’ve a got a little friend,” Discord was too annoyed to even snort in derision, and just raised one huge hand that held a burning black sphere of fire that grew larger and larger with each second. “At least you won’t be sent to the afterlife alone!”
He spiked the fire sphere, and Twilight and Star Secret vanished in an enormous explosion of ivory and ebony flames; the shockwave of heated air cast Celestia aside like she was made of paper.
“And now for you.”
Discord’s paw snatched Celestia before she could fly away, and brought her up to eye level; his glowing eyes narrowed and his lips pulled back maliciously as he watched her struggle futilely.
“Take comfort in the fact that you’ll be the first, and you won’t have the unfortunate luck of watching your sister suffer. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!!”
“Ah hah hah hah hah hah…”
“Ha… ha ha… ha…” Discord’s mirth died down. “Er, is there an echo in here?”
“I think I understand now…”
Discord blinked and turned back to the cloud of smoke that was formed from his attack.
Two orbs of white light surrounded by purple flames hovered through the smoke, and as the cloud dispersed, they were followed by a churning cloud of miasmic energy, specked with clusters of star systems and swirling nebulas.
“You feel all this power swelling through your body, and you so, so badly just want to show it off, don’t you? It’s not enough that some ponies know your strength, everypony has to. It would be a crime for them to not acknowledge how powerful you are, how equal you are to an omnipotent deity.”
Twilight stepped out of the smoke, literally walking on nothing; her legs were long and toned, her body covered in iridescent fractures, as if she were one step away from breaking apart like a chunk of earth.
Her wings were spread wide, and the feathers shimmered with all the colours of the rainbow whilst emitting burning white flames.
Discord’s eyes went wide, and he unconsciously loosened his grasp on Celestia, who was quick to fly as far away as possible.
“And because you are so strong, you must make others miserable because by making them feel weak, it makes you feel even stronger,” Twilight chuckled darkly as she fearlessly approached the behemoth that towered over her ten-fold. “But really, it just shows how dependent you are on how others think of you. A true god doesn’t need to prove anything.”
“Wow, that’s… some power you’ve got there…” Discord chuckled nervously. Hearing the quiver in his tone, he brutally crushed it out, and drew himself up arrogantly again. “But turning into some over-edgy character thought up by a foal with the loosest definition of ‘cool’ will do you little good; I am still the Lord of Chaos, and before me, you are still a gnat.”
Twilight merely shook her head and closed her eyes. “I could be the weakest and smallest gnat, and I would still be looking down on you, ‘Lord’.”
Discord’s cheeks burned bright red with anger.
“Unfortunately for you…” Twilight opened her eyes. “I am not small nor weak.”
He clapped his hands together, brought them high over his head, and pulled them apart to summon an enormous ball of black and white fire.
“Now, for the love of your new Lord, die already!”
He threw his arms down, and the fireball – more like a miniature sun – hissed and spat as it travelled forwards, seeking to finally crush the rebellious pony once and for-
Twilight leapt at it, drilled right through with her hoof extended, and emerged out the other side, sending the chaotic sun into supernova; the explosion behind her cast her face in shadow, leaving only her eyes to glow as if she were a vengeful spectre.
Discord merely blinked in shock, and wondered how in the world his attack was so easily defeated…
Right before Twilight’s hoof crashed into his chin.
The deep, booming noise of the impact sent shockwaves across the dimension, so powerful that they ripped apart the bonds that held the fragile plane together.
As Discord’s massive form was carried upwards by Twilight’s punch, the space above them shimmered, wavered, and…
Fractured.
“Oh…”
Rainbow Dash blinked as the tear in reality widened further like a gaping maw, and swallowed Twilight and Discord in a flash.
“Oh.”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened as the blinding white ‘nothingness’ zig-zagged towards her and the others.
“Oh!”
Rainbow Dash turned to run, as did everyone else, but she was pulled up into the air by an irresistible force, and flailed in panic as one by one, they were sucked into the fracture.
“W-wait, this totally isn’t what we plaaaaaaaannnnn-
Crashing through multiple barriers that separated one plane of existence from another wasn’t the most pleasant experience – never mind the hoof that continued applying force to his poor, poor chin – but Discord still managed to catch glimpses of what lied beyond the beyond as they passed through.
It helped take his mind off the hoof that was giving him the most severe uppercut in all of the multiverse.
In one dimension, two-legged hairless monkeys with technicolour skin were singing off against other monkeys in what appeared to be a concert.
In another dimension, what appeared to be Applejack was swinging around a huge warhammer, locked in battle against a giant wolf with a sword in its teeth.
In yet another dimension, what appeared to be Nightmare Moon was facing off against another hairless monkey with pink skin and a suit of plate metal.
Several fleeting looks of other strange and fantastic universes passed by before the pressure on his jaw eased up; even so, he found his body paralyzed by the sheer ferocity of the blow.
Hanging in the empty, unknowable space that was the ‘Between’ of the universes, Discord watched in equal parts awe and fear as Twilight arced above him like a purple comet and began gathering her energy.
“For all of the innocent you have threatened…!”
Twilight’s power swirled around her in a maelstrom of purple and black wisps.
“For the nation you tried to impose your tyrannical rule on…!”
Twilight coiled her right forehoof all the way back.
“For the reading of my books that you have interrupted…!”
Twilight pushed her forehoof down and plunged towards Discord’s face with a contrail of rainbow light streaking after her.
“Kishi Kaisei: Shattering Blow of the God Slayer!!”
Discord smiled weakly as his world was set ablaze.
“I knew… you had it in you…”
Elsewhere…
The Hyper Omega Extended Uncut Cutie Mark Crusaders watched, shell-shocked and pale, as the last of Diamond Tiara’s cardboard fortress crumbled to the street; the magnificence and visage of power it once held completely exempt.
Now it served as both Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara’s tombs.
“Is it finally over?” Sweetie Belle whispered hesitantly.
“Yeah, it is,” Apple Bloom looped her foreleg around Sweetie Belle’s neck and held her close, burying her tears in her friend’s mane. “It’s all done an’ done – no more runnin’.”
Scootaloo watched them, and didn’t interfere; her heart was still heavy with her act of betrayal. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle said they didn’t hold it against her anymore, not after she came back when it mattered, but that didn’t mean she forgave herself.
… And it wasn’t just the weight of betrayal.
Scootaloo found herself… missing Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
After spending the better part of three arcs with them, some form of companionship was bound to form. Heck – Diamond Tiara had actually given her some of her sundae. You don’t just forget something like that.
But now they were buried beneath seven hundred pretend-tonnes of cardboard.
A rather unfitting fate for the two ponies that had such impact on her and her friends’ lives – both the good and the bad.
Wetting her lips and holding back her tears, Scootaloo turned to her remaining friends. “Listen, girls – I just… I wanted to say-”
Her words were drowned beneath an odd and incredibly loud noise like somepony wiggling a sheet of metal next to a megaphone, and when the three fillies turned to face the noise, they were met with a quivering wall of rainbow light. The wall passed over them and continued surging across Ponyville, going through walls and buildings and ponies, leaving all undamaged but…
“What was that?” Sweetie Belle asked.
Apple Bloom jerked her hoof at a nearby house, a frown coming onto her face when it didn’t blow up. “Aww, shucks – ah think Twilight an’ the others finished their quest an’ junk.”
“That stinks.” Scootaloo pouted, scuffing the dirt with her hoof.
“Well, it was fun while it lasted, right?” Sweetie Belle said with a shrug. “Hey, who wants to try getting cutie marks in capturing crocodiles?”
“Sweet!”
“Tha’ sounds like a barrel of fun!”
“Cutie Mark Crusaders Crocodile Capturers, yeah!” “Cutie Mark Crusaders Crocodile Capturers, yeah!” “Cutie Mark Crusaders Crocodile Capturers, yeah!”
The three friends laughed in excitement as they charged off towards the ponds, leaving the many, many pieces of ruined cardboard in the middle of the road.
Several pieces suddenly shifted, and Diamond Tiara poked her head out, blinking owlishly as she looked around.
“Um? Hey! Don’t just leave us to clean this up! That’s beneath me! Ugh, where’s my butler when you need him?”
Silver Spoon poked her head out next. “Uh, DT? Is that your hoof touching me?”
“… No?”
“… Help.”
“Suri, Suri! The Anime is leaving us!”
“Mr. Ceph, don’t leave me!”
“Wow, I’ve never seen a squid look so scared before. Not even in my mangas.”
Spitfire smiled proudly as Canterlot became awash with cleansing light.
“You did it, girls. You did it…”
“… Boss, am I supposed to still be hurt like this?”
Meawhile…
“Huagh… huagh… huagh…”
As the rush of unfathomable power leaked out of her veins, Twilight was struck by overwhelming fatigue; it felt like the time Rainbow Dash dared her to do the Running of the Leaves in one of Rarity’s dress, though at least she wasn’t as sweaty.
She was only partially aware of a solid floor beneath her hooves and the walls of Canterlot’s throne room around her. With monumental effort, she lifted her head to look around, and saw her friends – her closest friends – rushing over, their faces strained and concerned.
She didn’t even notice that she was the same height as them again, and only had one question on her mind that demanded answers.
“Girls…” She murmured tiredly, letting their words of concern drum against her like raindrops on a window. “Is… Did I…?”
Applejack nodded and directed Twilight’s gaze to the side. “Yeah, ya sure did, sugarcube.”
Twilight saw Discord lying in the middle of the throne room. Defeated.
She could tell he was defeated because his eyes had been replaced by swirly black lines, his tongue was sticking out, and he was clutching a white rose to his chest.
Twilight laughed and shook her head. “Finally… Logic… is safe. It was… a worthy life…”
Twilight collapsed from exhaustion, and as darkness consumed her, the last words she would ever hear filled her head.
“Come on, girls – help me lift her!”
“Eugh, she’s all sweaty, and reeks of determination.”
“Land sakes, Rares – just get her feet, would ya?”
Twilight stared straight ahead into emptiness, her face devoid of emotion and thought.
“We won.”
Epilogue
書き込みは難しいです Kakikomi wa muzukashīdesu – There will be no Shippuden.
ight as rain.”
Voices.
“Hold you to that, Discord. There
Teetering on the very precipices of her consciousness.
a worrywart, you know that, ‘Tia?”
She wanted to get closer, to understand the emotions these voices made her feel, but her soul was shattered – it was difficult to remain awake, to remain her. She didn’t know if she could do any more than that; the curse that stained her soul black and turned it twisted was-
“Maybe I’ll take over the egghead’s library if she doesn’t wake up.”
Twilight’s bloodshot eyes shot open, and she rose into a sitting position, her foreleg already extended accusingly at the rainbow-maned pegasus that yelped in terror.
“Touch those books with your erratic hooves, and I will spell your butt back to flight camp!!”
With that threat delivered, Twilight fell backwards with a pained groan onto what felt like a comfortable bed and closed her eyes. Her head was sore, but that was about it; she just wished everyone crowded around her – and there sounded like a lot – would tone down their cheers by a few decibels.
“Hey, there ya go!” Applejack’s cheerful drawl sounded on her right. Twilight felt her hoof touching her shoulder a second later. “Up an’ at ‘em before th’ day’s even over.”
“Can I bring the cake in now?” Pinkie’s crushingly loud voice squealed on her left.
“Not just yet, my little pony,” Fortunately, Celestia’s voice was always soft and serene, even in the rare times it was raised. “Let’s give her a moment to truly recover, hm?”
“Yeah, you’re right. I mean, if you’re telling me to hold off on bringing the cake in…”
“… What was the rest of that sentence going to be?”
“Nothing.”
Twilight groaned and steeled herself for the act of opening her eyes and submitting her corneas to light. “Is…? Where am I right now?”
“You’re in my bed,” Celestia tittered gently. “You were so tired after that spectacular battle with Discord that you just clocked right out.”
“Ungh…”
“You’re cute when you drool.”
“Erk!” Twilight winced as she opened her eyes. “Battle… So does that mean it’s all over?”
“Unfortunately, it is,” Discord suddenly replaced the pillow she had been laying her head on, and Twilight tried not to shriek in surprise as he slithered across the duvets to stand by the foot of the bed, between Rainbow Dash and Iron Bull. “The powerful Lord of Chaos has been defeated in glorious battle. Woe is me,” Despite his theatrics, Discord was smiling happily. “Oh, but a glorious battle it was! I dare say that we should do this more often.”
“No!”
“Poo – spoilsport.”
Twilight lightly shook her head in amusement and looked around the room. Sure enough, almost everyone was there – her friends, their former opponents, and the princesses. Lightning Dust chose to stand off in the corner and act aloof, but that didn’t bother Twilight too badly.
Even Star Secret was there.
“So… we shared our power, huh?” Twilight asked, blushing without knowing if that was even something to blush about. She didn’t remember doing anything risqué when she took on Star Secret’s power and obtained that frighteningly powerful form. “How… was it?”
“We didn’t merge, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Star Secret said, looking just as relieved as Twilight felt that everything they had fought against was over and done with. “I just lent you the power that Discord had placed inside me and sat back while you fought him. You were truly the star of the show.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you encouraging me,” Twilight chuckled bashfully. “And you know? I have to admit… doing all that ‘Anime’ stuff was kind of exciting. Just a little.”
Iron Will laughed jovially. “Nothing like getting the blood pumping, huh, Sparkle-pony?”
“However…”
Twilight pressed her forehooves together and took a deep breath before narrowing her eyes at everyone. She watched as they suddenly looked nervous.
“I have to get this off my chest: I’m quite annoyed that all of you more or less forced me into this ‘Chosen Killjoy’ role without first asking to see if I was okay with it. I made my displeasure for everything that was happening multiple times, and you all ignored me.”
Everyone save Star Secret cringed and hung their heads; not even Discord was exempt as he put on a ‘so-so’ face and pretended to examine his nails.
Twilight continued. “I wanted to read my books, but you took me away from that. It’s not the same if it was an actual crisis, that I could understand, but all of this was completely in your power to control. And it’s not just me – it didn’t look like Star Secret was enjoying herself either.”
“Not really.” Star Secret replied with a nod.
“And… you know, it kind of hurts that our feelings weren’t taken into consideration.”
Now Discord was hanging his head. Literally – from a rope in his hand.
“Sorry, Twilight…” Fluttershy whispered, hiding her face with her mane.
“So sorry, my dear.” “Yes – we’re ever so sorry.” Flim and Flam removed their hats and placed them against their chests solemnly.
“Strength comes in many shapes and forms, and apologizing is one of them.” Iron Will said with a very sad flex.
Lightning Dust looked over sourly. “… Meh.”
“You words bring shame to us, dear Twilight.” Luna nodded.
“We were caught up in the fun; it didn’t occur to me that you…” Celestia trailed off with a guilty frown. “Forgive me.”
Twilight smiled warmly. “Well… I can’t really put the blame on all of you. Like I said, when I actually got around to it, doing ‘Anime’ was pretty exciting. Remember that letter I sent to you, Princess Celestia? About not knocking something until I’ve tried it? I should have remembered that. I’m sorry for being so stubborn on the way here, girls.”
“Pfft, no worse than farm girl over there.”
“RD, ah have literally spent an accumulated total of two hours puttin’ ya’ll in a chokehold. Ya wanna try fer over tha’?”
“I’d like to see you try without Anime powering you up!”
“Aw, that’s okay, Twily!” Pinkie laughed. “Every team Silly Sallys needs a Mopey Joey to balance it all out.”
“What?”
“Now can I bring in the celebration cake, princess?”
“Of course-” Celestia blinked a few times as a blur of motion zipped past her, carrying the smell of sugar and ‘party’ personified. “-you… can?”
Any fatigue Twilight was still feeling immediately vanished as Pinkie carted in a huge, many-layered cake on a trolley; the cake itself was wider and taller than Celestia’s door frame, but Pinkie managed to squeeze it in without deforming it.
Twilight was too enraptured to question it.
“I call this the ‘Chocolate-Choco Gurren Super-Omake Filling Multi-Layered Mudcake’, of ‘CCGSOFMLM’ for short.”
Twilight was too enraptured to question the otherworldly noise that Pinkie utilized to pronounce that acronym.
Pinkie divided the cake up efficiently and quickly, her speed turning her into a pink blur as she handed out slices on plates that she seemingly stored inside her mane.
Rarity kindly used her magic to feed Applejack her share as the farm mare only had one hoof free to hold the plate.
“Well, no matter what grievances might have come from this whole adventure, I’m happy to be sitting here sharing this cake with you all.” Twilight said with a content grin.
“Whoo! Friendship!!” Iron Will proclaimed, pumping his fists in the air. “After this, who wants to go work off the calories with Iron Will?! He’s got a new training track that’ll put some hair on your hair!”
“Mm, as fun as that sounds…” Celestia began, ‘discreetly’ glancing at the minotaur’s bulging pecs. “I think we should let Twilight decide our next great event.”
“Oh?” Twilight magically lowered her fork to settle down on her plate and quirked her eyebrows. “Anything I want?”
“I think that can be arranged.” Celestia nodded with a serene smile.
“… Well…” Twilight gave a not-so-serene smile. “In that case…”
Celestia’s face became a touch worried.
Later on…
“Mwa ha ha ha ha!! Foolish mortals! The only way to free Ponyville from the clutches of me, the Logisticator, is to gather seven pieces of a magical artefact by completing a variety of puzzles based on many fields of academics such as mathematics, biology, archaeology, calculus, and, most importantly, thaumaturgical theorem!”
Twilight gave a sly wink.
“Only then, can you destroy the bubble that I have placed around Ponyville!”
She capped off her speech with a moderately-evil laugh that was unfortunately interrupted by a coughing fit.
She had newfound respect for the villains she had faced.
Once her fit had passed, Twilight gave a cheery wave to the large group gathered on the outskirts of Ponyville. They all looked positively riveted to be going.
“Twi’, why do ah get th’ feelin’ this here’s some passive-aggressive hootenanny ya’ll are playin’ on us?” Applejack asked with an impressive lift of her eyebrows.
“What? No, this is an opportunity!” Twilight replied with a big smile. “A chance to stretch your learning muscles and flex your minds. Who doesn’t like to flex?”
“Iron Will knows you’re just trying to appeal to him by saying that… and it’s working!” Iron Will let out a hefty grunt and pointed off in the distance. “Hoo-ah! Iron Will is gonna solve the crap out of those puzzles! Yeah!”
“This is bull!” Lightning Dust cried. “Nopony told me that I had to use my brain when I signed on to become a bad guy!”
“First time for everything.”
“Shut it, Rainbow Trash!”
“Come now, everyone,” Celestia cooed in a motherly tone. “I think we owe it to dear Twilight. It’s just some puzzles, no?”
Twilight’s grin widened, and she was only too happy to step to the side when Star Secret trotted to stand next to her, also bearing an unsettling large grin.
“Ah, princess? I would just like to say that the thaumaturgical theorem portion of the puzzles are based upon Clover the Clever’s notes about magic and how it interacts with physicality, not Starswirl's notes.”
Celestia’s gentle face dissolved into an exaggerated scowl with a twitching eye. “Oh, you cruel, cruel mares – I’ve half a mind to focus the sun on your flanks.”
Luna tittered behind her hoof.
“Hr-erm – remember the diapers and trees incident, dear sister?”
Luna went quiet.
“Forgive my lack of decorum, princess, but I do believe time is running out,” Star Secret said with a gesture to the setting sun. “Alas, it seems as though I am the damsel in distress once more. Doomed to suffer imprisonment in Ponyville.”
“I saw you making reservations at that restaurant.” Rarity said with a deadpan stare.
“A gilded cage, to be sure.”
“Okay, no point in standing around bemoaning our fate like lemmings now, hm?” Discord said as he lazily backstroked above everyone’s heads while wearing water wings. “Did anyone see me complaining when I was turned to stone? As our bovine friend said, onwards!”
A few more complaint-filled seconds passed before everyone finally started heading towards the first puzzle. Discord hummed as he swam after them without a care in the world.
“Oh, and Discord?” Twilight raised her hoof, her grin becoming a smirk. “None of that allowed.”
Discord’s eyes widened as he abruptly blew a hole in his side and whizzed about with the sound of rushing air, eventually coming to a stop on the grass, looking very deflated and miserable.
“Oh, poo.”
Twilight and Star Secret shared an amused chuckle.
“Heh heh… Oh!” Twilight called out again. “Trixie!”
Trixie stopped and turned, surprised. Her hat was no longer comically oversized, so she didn’t have to push it up every five seconds to see. “Er, yes?”
“I promised you that we’d go get something to eat, didn’t I?”
Trixie’s eyes widened. “R-really?”
Twilight blushed and rubbed the back of her neck. “I mean, unless you don’t want to…”
Trixie teleported to her side in a flash.
“Oh, I didn’t know you could teleport.”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie can do many things!” Trixie flaunted with a brush of her mane before suddenly blushing and smiling nervously. “And… she would also like to hang out with you.”
“Wh-? Hey!” Lightning Dust cried as Trixie walked back into Ponyville with Star Secret and Twilight. “Why does she get off so easily? That’s not fair!” She turned her head, outraged that everyone else just kept walking forwards. “Hello?! I’m talking loudly over here!”
Celestia sighed as Lightning Dust continued shouting after them, and turned to her sister. “This is going to be a long quest…”
