> Princess Sky Stormer
>  by Skymaster9929
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Green leaves blew in from a warm summer's breeze as a lone white pony standing on a Los Pegases skyscraper stared up at the blue sky. The pony, a pure white with a light blue mane and brighter green eyes, thought. Her green eyes had black star-shaped pupils, thanks to her unusual heritage.

Wind blew her mane as she wondered what all the jerks that had bullied her in Flight School would think of her now. The awkward Pegasus with big, floppy wings like bunny ears had grown up, with curves in all the right places. But one part of her was the part most ponies would have their eyes drawn to, besides her big flanks the stallions in town just couldn't get enough of, they had a Cutie Mark of a Twister with green leaves around and inside it.

Sky Stormer thought about what she had done today.

It seemed like the right thing to do! Just go and make a big tornado to take up water, and dump it in Zebraca where poor foals were dying from having no clean water. She wasn't expecting to become an Alicorn!

She nervously bounced on her hooves and bit her lip as she waited for her best friends to arrive. She had written a note, but she wasn't sure how quickly they could-

"SKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" A mare shouted as she flew over to her, a pale blue Pegasus carrying a red Earth mare and a blue Earth mare.

"Keep it down!" Sky said, nervous and afraid. Her whole world was changing, and her body had already changed, considering the horn on her head.

"You said there was an emergency, what's- oh sweet neptune!" The red Earth mare with blonde hair said, jaw dropping in horror.

"Sky Stormer! You're... horny!" The blue mare said, laughing a lot.

"I need help! Stroke, tell me you have some kind of invisible paint, or horn-removing cream, or anything!" Sky said, afraid.

"I don't have any." Stroke whispered quietly, looking away. From where Sky stood, she could see her Cutie Mark, splashes of red paint on blank canvas.

Sky sighed. She felt bad asking this of her friend, she knew how low the bad artist's self-confidence was. That poor, shy little mare with art so... weird.

"Sky, why are you so horny?" The blue mare asked, grinning.

"Shut up, Patty." Snowy said bluntly, her tongue as cold as the ice sculptures she made. "Sky, TELL ME. Why are you hiding this new horn? Why, if I had a horn, I'd-"

"Show your ex a thing or two?" Patty asked, her big and annoying grin getting even bigger, because she had pony lips.

"Shut up, Patty." Snowy said, slapping her with a wing.

"Oh, that's it! Come on, Stroke! Two on two, you and me, right now!" Patty growled, wrapping an armhoof around Stroke.

"You're going to die alone some day." Stroke said quietly.

Patty backed away slowly.

"Girls, focus!" Sky stressed desperately. "I need help! I became an Alicorn, and I don't know what to do!"

"You reveal your heritage, go to Canterlot, and marry a Prince!" Snowy said, looking up.

"But I don't like princes." Sky said sadly.

"Details, details." Snowy said dismissively, closing her eyes.

"Well, you could always join a circus." Patty said happily.

Stroke bit her muzzle, and that shut Patty up. The Earth Pony with a Spatula on her flanks covered her muzzle and screamed, and Stroke smiled shyly. "Ummm... I have an idea, but it's stupid." She said, and got sad, heart sinking like a rock.

"Tell me anyway, please!" Sky begged. Patty kept screaming.

"Ummmmm... Maybe you could put on a jacket, and pretend you're just a Unicorn?" Stroke suggested shyly, tears forming in her eyes.

"Stroke, honey... That would be a good idea, but... ponies here know me, and they remember me as a Pegasus. Changing species is considered weird, that's why I'm so nervous." Sky said softly to the poor, shy dear. "I can't just go around telling ponies I became a Unicorn, even if I would get a raise at work for Transforming."

"How did this happen?" Snowy asked, grabbing Sky's horn. Sky giggled and smiled for the first time all day, because that tickled a lot. It was so new and strange, and Snowy slowly dragged one hoof along it as she inspected it closely. "How did you get such a wonderful horn?"

Sky opened her mouth, but incomprehensible babbling came out. Her wings spread out.

"Really, I must know." Snowy said, stroking the very tip of her hoof along the horn's curl.

Sky screamed and shot out a magic beam, followed by glowing blue goo that caught fire when it hit the ground. Exhausted, Sky Stormer fell to the ground, sleeping cutely.

"Awesome! Do it again! But point yourself at a tractor first. Or Suri Polomare." Patty said while thinking. That wasn't something she did often.

"Shut up, Patty." Snowy said angrily. She looked down at the mare in her hooves, winged and now horned. "Oh, you poor, poor dear... I wish I had your horn."

"Would you use it to blow up Suri Polomare?" Patty asked hopefully.

"You know what? If it would shut you up, yes." Snowy said angrily.

"I made a tornado to take water to Zebraca." Sky mumbled, waking back up.

"What? You're just a weather pony, Sky. What were you doing over in Zebraca?" Snowy asked the beautiful Alicorn that had once been such a lame Pegasus.

"I was thinking about all the Zebracan foals starving to death, and they were thirsty, too, and... I wanted to do something! I wanted to help ponies!" Sky declared.

"What... happened to you? Just yesterday, you were crying about how useless you think you are. And now... Alicorn?" Snowy asked, confused.

"I thought about them, Snowy. I thought about them, and realized... I'm not really miserable. Or helpless. I can help them, and in that moment, I realized I should." Sky said, eyes glowing with power.

"You should have cooked some lions, so the starving ponies could eat them." Stroke said quietly.

"Oh no... I forgot to give the starving Zebracans food!" Sky said sadly, getting back up as her eyes stopped glowing.

"It's okay, you did something." Snowy said.

The Alicorn was hit in the head by a meteor spell, but she barely even felt it, it felt like a spitball as the flaming rock smashed against her head. "Huh?" She asked, turning around.

A yellow Pegasus kicked her in the face, pushing it back a little. Sky wondered why this didn't hurt. Snowy grabbed the yellow Pegasus and flew into the air, spinning and flying to the ground and hitting her with it. She flew back to find Patty beating up two Pegasi mares at once while Stroke took on four Earth Pony stallions, and Sky was being electrocuted by a bunch of Unicorns who were burning themselves out casting it. Snowy kicked the nearest Unicorn in the horn, making him scream, and then she kicked the mare Unicorn next to him in the horn. Once she'd stopped them all, Sky broke free and rushed towards Patty, grabbing her. Sky flapped her wings and sent all of the ponies she was fighting off the building, and then she got ready to help Stroke, but she'd already thrown all four off.

An arrow sunk deep into her neck, laced with enough poison to kill an elephant, followed by eight more. Sky looked up at the Pegasi flying other ponies to the roof long enough to see a Pegasus pull the tail of a magically-changed skunk and then throw it at her, releasing a green cloud like a grenade on impact. Sky gagged from the smell, and her powerful wings blasted the cloud back at the throwers, and they fell out of the sky like dead birds, getting caught by other Pegasi, only for them to smell the ponies and fall.

But then the poison started to take hold, as did the curses Unicorns on other buildings were putting on her. She began to fall asleep again, and this time, it hurt.

"No... I have... to save... my friends..."

A large needle was shoved into her neck by a Pegasus, and she screamed because she hated needles. The pegasus injected the sleeping poison, and Sky's last thoughts while she was conscious was...

Why were these ponies wearing Royal Guard uniforms?





A bucket of water was splashed into the face of Sky Stormer, waking her up.

"Rise." Princess Celestia said.

Sky threw up, her body naturally cleaning toxins and getting rid of poison, to the disgust of the three Alicorns in the room and the royal guards lining the walls.

"Sky Stormer, is it?" Princess Luna asked, horn glowing as she vanished the smaller Alicorn's vomit.

"Y-yes." Sky said, getting nervous now that so many eyes were on her. 

"Why are you... horned?" Princess Luna asked curiously. "You are not one of my sister's playthings."

Princess Celestia angrily cleared her throat, a subtle warning.

"Students." Princess Luna corrected herself angrily.

"I... I don't know! I did a good thing for the first time in my life, and... suddenly, I'm horny the magical Unicorn!" Sky said sadly.

Princess Cadance laughed. Princess Celestia frowned. Sky got even more scared. "Where are my friends?" Sky demanded, voice cracking.

"They're safe." Princess Celestia said. "But you... you are not. You are an ordinary weather pony from Cloudsdale, your Sky Spirit mother notwithstanding. Aside from your large wings, and your strange eyes, you have nothing. So tell me... Why is it that you became an Alicorn so quickly, when it took centuries of planning to ensure Twilight, the strongest Unicorn in a hundred years, would ascend to the throne with me? Why do your powers dwarf hers, why do you, an untrained foal, have might to rival my own?"

"I... I don't know!" Sky said, afraid.

"Was it the disturbance we detected over Zebraca?" Princess Celestia asked. "One similar to the Sonic Rainboom a few years ago?"

"Maybe?" Sky asked, unsure and confused.

"Sonic Rainbooms do not turn you into Alicorns." Princess Luna said. "Rainbow Dash's hornless head is proof of thy falsehood."

"You're not part of my plan, Sky Stormer." Princess Celestia stated coldly. "And unless you want yourself and your friends to be erased, you had better become a part of it."

"I'll do whatever you want! Just please, don't hurt my friends!" Sky begged selflessly.

Princess Celestia smirked. "You have a choice, Sky Stormer. I will have your friends killed in front of you, one by one, and then you can ascend to the throne by my side as my magic warps your mind to make you my loving, loyal slave, much like Twilight, but infinitely more so. You will only exist to eliminate threats to our rule and ensure I win any ties or arguments between myself and my Alicorn sisters for all of eternity. Whether you believe your friends were traitors to the throne that needed execution, or whether they were simply holding you back from your precious destiny... is up to you."

Sky couldn't believe her ears. Was this truly the Princess Celestia she had admired, wanted, and wanted to be for so long? An evil, controlling tyrant that would do absolutely anything to remain in control?

"Or, if you do not wish to take part in my plans..." Princess Celestia said, the sun appearing behind her, and in front of her, an illusion of what would happen. "As an Alicorn, you cannot die, so I will seal you into the sun, where you will burn for eternity. For the rest of your eternal life... You will know only pain. And I will let your friends go, their memories altered to remember nothing of you. My Royal Guardsmen will seek out any evidence of your existence, and destroy it. It will be as though you were never born. And when foals wearing sunglasses look up at the sky and ask why it looks like there's a face in the flames... their mothers and fathers will know to say they are imagining things."

"I'll do it!" Sky snapped without thinking.

"Excuse me?" Princess Celestia asked sternly as her horn glowed gold, flame creeping in around the room, burning dragons snapping at Sky's hooves. The illusions were gone. This fire was real, and under her control.

"Burn me!" Sky demanded. She was terrified, but she couldn't let this monster hurt her friends. Her massive wings unleashed themselves, ready to blow back any flames she had to. "Do whatever you want with me, just let my friends go!"

The three Princesses stared down at her.

"Well played, Sister." Princess Luna said sarcastically. "She has figured out your ruse."

"What ruse?" Sky asked.

"I'm using truth spells and belief spells, I could tell her the sky was pink all along and she'd believe me." Princess Celestia said, poking her tongue out at the blue pony and ignoring the white Alicorn.

"Huh?" Sky Stormer wondered.

"I lied." Princess Celestia said with a smile. "I'm not going to burn you. That was all a test, my little pony, to see if you had the heart of a Princess... and you passed." Princess Celestia said with a smile. 

The royal guards in the room cheered and threw their hats into the air, and streamers burst as Pinkie Pie appeared and started the party, a wall disappearing and revealing Sky's friends, Princess Twilight, and Twilight's friends.

"Pinkie!" Twilight yelled.

"Paaaartay!" Pinkie said happily as she danced, in her own little world of streamers and cupcakes.

"Nice one, Sky! I knew you wouldn't sell us out!" Patty said happily.

"I'm glad you won't die." Stroke said quietly with a smile on her face.

"Darling, you're a real Alicorn princess now!" Snowy said.

"I... I am!" Sky Stormer gasped. "I'm the Alicorn Princess of the Sky!"
	
> Chapter 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The air was thick with the sounds of shouting as Sky waited beside Princess Celestia. The graceless, awkward Pegasus with a horn felt incredibly uncomfortable, like she was waiting in the doctor's queue and her mom nearby wasn't helping matters. Her starry eyes glanced around the crowd, and saw so many angry ponies. Reporters, journalists, and the worst of all... fancy ponies with dumb head-decorations. They hated her. It was like looking out into a sea of angry sharks, and there was fresh meat about to be thrown into it: Her.

The only thing that kept her from running off was how she could see her friends in the crowd.

"Princess Celestia! Why is everypony and their mother an Alicorn now?" A reporter asked.

"Can I be an Alicorn?" Another reporter asked.

"There is a perfectly good reason for that. Also, no." Princess Celestia stated. "I have many plans for this country's defense, some of them require more Alicorns. The situation with Tirek proved that some monsters are too powerful for us to sit idly by and do nothing. For this reason, effective immediately, I am placing additional funding into magical education, so the next generation may face these monsters without fear."

With that statement, the crowd metaphorically exploded, and from their bodies crawled out angrier sharks. Dire Sharks. Darks.

"This new Alicorn will RUIN EQUESTRIA!" A male reporter shouted, his 'reporter' badge written in comic sans.

"Why don't you ever fight monsters any more?!" A different male reporter asked.

"This new princess is ugly! Her existence promotes an unhealthy body image!" A mare reporter screeched.

"Is this where our tax bits are going? New Princesses and their endless parties?" Another male reporter asked.

"Why do you put so much faith in magic? Why do our armed forces never solve the problem?!" A Pegasus demanded hatefully.

"The new Alicorn is eating... ponies." A reporter mare wrote on her paper notes. "Alive."

"Wait, you've actually seen her eat people?" Her assistant asked in surprise.

"No, we're just reporting it." The reporter said with a grin.

Stroke appeared in the crowd behind these two, and that was the last anypony ever saw of them, or the one that had called her friend ugly.

Sky Stormer started to shake nervously.

Princess Celestia turned and left the stage, to the surprise of Twilight and Sky. They and Princess Luna left, and they went back into the castle.

"What was that?" Sky Stormer asked.

"Ponies will hate you and your Princesshood for a while." Princess Twilight said reassuringly, patting her back. "But they'll forget about how much they hate us in a week or two, then they're back to complaining about every little thing ever. It's all the reporters are good for these days."

"How do you know?" Sky asked, glad she got to talk to her second-best idol."

"I became an Alicorn a few months ago." Twilight said. "Apart from the Cult of Faust who think it's her fault for abandoning us so long ago. Which means the sane ponies have gotten over it. Give it a week or two, and they'll be kissing the very ground you walk on."

"You really think so? Ponies might... like me?" Sky asked, amazed.

"Sure!" Twilight chirped cutely.

Sky hugged Twilight a bit too tightly, making a squeaky sound. "Too tight!" Twilight gasped.

"Sorry!" Sky said frantically, letting go.

"Wow... your Earth Pony power is coming in already, huh?" Twilight asked.

"My what?" Sky asked.

"Your power. Alicorns are the combination of all three pony tribes. Unicorn magic, Pegasus wings, and Earth Pony power. And your Alicorn magic enhances the power of all three. If Princess Celestia or Luna wanted, they could beat every flight record in existence in a weekend, before starting on the harder magical and physical ones." Twilight explained. "Princess Celestia, do you know where Sky Stormer might be safe for a few days?"

Princess Celestia smiled. "I know a place where she can go. But 'safe'... is putting it rather mildly."

Sky gasped.

"Our armed forces serve literally no purpose in this day and age, save to keep up appearances, discourage weaker evils from attacking us, let us sell soldier propaganda and toys to the stupider colts, antagonize the small countries that deserve it, due to being evil and worshipping evil, and population control." Princess Celestia said bluntly. "Though... that is not entirely true. They keep the ponies who become soldiers... away from the better ponies. The entire thing is one giant carnival scam designed to ensure the poets, musicians, and scientists breed, while the soldiers take their gung-ho 'Star of their own action comic' attitudes to their graves. Seers find out what will happen and adjust their plans accordingly, ensuring those destined to commit crimes die early deaths. The better soldiers are filtered out and put into positions less likely to ensure their deaths, separating the wheat from the chaff that gets burned like the expendable resources they are. Honestly, when a pony's Cutie Mark turns out to be 'Hitting things with a sword', where else are they to go? What are they to do in life, save take out 'enemy cells' under the control of myself or my sisters, and throw themselves bodily at any monster guaranteed to kill them?"

Sky gasped. She could not believe what she was hearing. The entire military complex was... a lie? "R-really?" Sky asked, hoping it wasn't true.

"I'm sorry. But the sooner you learn this fact, the better. It will prevent you from thinking, or doing, anything stupid, like giving them a budget or feeling pity for them. If we need something done, we will do it ourselves, and watch our soldiers weep as they struggle to ignore the fact that with our magic weapon capability, my sun's power could burn away anything we actually wanted dead. Our current enemies only still live because they give our soldiers something to do, besides repeating endless drills." Princess Celestia said. "And now that you know this... you're going to Magic Camp."

"What is-" Sky Stormer was about to say, but Princess Celestia teleported her away.

"...Did you really have to tell her that-" Twilight asked.

"Part of the test." Princess Celestia said with a smile.
> Chapter 3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sky Stormer woke up in a dusty training facility in the middle of some desert, tents here and there. Around her neck was a heavy purple metal weight that she recognized from a magazine. It negated all magic, including the magic her body needed to function. Keeping it on for more than a few hours was dangerous, but she got the feeling nopony here would care.

Around her, there were big, angry stallions, and in front of her, the biggest and angriest, a pink pony wearing big black sunglasses, overalls covered in dark green splotches, and a metal helmet.

"My name is General Ripper." The pony in green growled. "Welcome to Tartarus."

"Huh?" Sky wondered.

"IS THAT THE SMARTEST THING YOU CAN SAY?" General Ripper yelled. "YOU ARE HERE, because PRINCESS CELESTIA HERSELF decided that to make the PAMPERED BABIES DRINKING MILK IN CANTERLOT feel better about themselves, YOU need to complete 





The repetitive beeping only served to heighten her pain and remind her that she wasn't imagining things. This really was getting worse.

Trapped inside a big metal dome completing hundreds of push-ups while the ponies outside shouted at her, she glanced at the number on the display.

045.00 G.

Fourty five times the planet's gravity? Was the machine lying, or was she getting that good that quickly?

The beeping started up again, and she found it harder and harder to keep going. Fifty, fifty five, sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety, ninety nine...

SPLAT.





Sky Stormer woke up to the sound of screaming, her insides still hurting.

"What were you thinking?! Handling fifty thousand times gravity is one thing, but setting it to maximum?!" General Ripper barked. "You are lucky she is an ALICORN, Private! IF you make a mistake that stupid again, I will have your head on a stick, AND I WILL BEAT YOUR MOTHER, FATHER, AND UNBORN CHILDREN TO DEATH WITH IT!"

"Sir yes sir!" The terrified, well-programmed machine that looked like a pony said as he saluted, and ran off.

Sky's throat recovered enough for her to open her mouth, but only a confused gurgle came out.

"You. You sicken me, you waste of space!" General Ripper shouted. Sky's eyes showed fear, but she forced her body to stay still and smile a little. "You do not deserve to be an Alicorn! You do not deserve to be ALIVE!"

"Why did you say fifty thousand? I thought it was fifty." Sky asked quietly.

"What exactly do you think a G is?" General Ripper snapped.

"Uh... a gravity?" She guessed.

"A gravity? A GRAVITY?! You are a stupid mare, AND MARES LIKE YOU ARE NOT FIT FOR ACTIVE DUTY! OR ANY DUTY! Go home and poop out foals or something, AND LEAVE FIGHTING TO THE REAL MALES!" General Ripper shouted.

"Uh... mares don't poop out babies, they-"

"Do I SOUND like I am aquainted with the inner workings of a mare? DO I SOUND LIKE I EVER WILL BE?"

"No, sir." Sky said, trying not to laugh.

"Is something funny?" General Ripper growled quietly.

"No, sir." Sky said shyly.

"I CAN'T HEEEEAAAAAR YOOOOOUUUUU!" General Ripper roared.

"AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!" Sky shouted on reflex.

There was an awkward silence, and the stallions started to snigger to themselves and then they openly cracked up.

General Ripper glared at her.





For the rest of the day, Sky was forced to run ten thousand laps of the camp perimeter, pursued by a giant magic fireball.

When the sun started to set, she was still running, and slowly slowing down.

General Ripper came out of a tent, and watched her run. He whistled, and the fireball stopped. "That's enough, soldier."

Sky collapsed to the ground, utterly exhausted. The heavy collar didn't exactly help matters.

He whistled again, and the fireball rushed forwards and consumed her, burning her over and over again as the swung her legs and wings wildly, unable to do anything with her magic, the magic flames holding her down and sapping her strength.
> Chapter 4
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Day Two. Six AM.

Everypony woke up, left their tents, and saw that Sky Stormer was still burning, though she'd stopped screaming a while ago. "Stupid mare." General Ripper said, and rolled his eyes.

He blew his whistle, and his fireball disappeared, revealing a badly-burned and melted Sky Stormer whose body regenerated quickly. She felt weirdly empty. It was nice and warm, and she'd gotten used to the pain.

"How are you still alive?" General Ripper asked.

"Alicorns can't die." Sky said sadly.

"Oh." General Ripper said, surprised. "Well, you're still not getting any time off!"





"I don't know, but it's been said!" General Ripper shouted as he was carried on an incredibly heavy chair on sticks with curtains by his soldiers. Only Sky Stormer was struggling with the weight, the others were used to this kind of pain.

"I don't know, but it's been said!" The crowd shouted, Sky joining in. They sounded awful togther, and the lack of melody or harmony hurt Sky's ears. She wished the military took singing as seriously as they took killing stuff.

"I love killing enemies dead!" General Ripper roared.

"I love killing enemies dead!" The well-trained crowd shouted. That didn't even make any sense. Did they mean killing them to death?





Sky sat down to eat her plate of meat(?), alone.

To her surprise, a cute yellow colt with a firetruck red mane and an Apple cutie mark sat down and smiled at her. "Howdy." He said.

"You're an Apple? What are you doing in a place like this?" Sky asked.

"Farmin aint fur me, so ah thought... ah've wrassled enough critters. May as well sign up!" He said in a manner this place considered cheerful.

"Umm... great!" Sky said, understanding most of that. This Apple was already far nicer than the ones she'd heard about.

"So... lemmy guess. They put you over here since fancy folks don't like it when ponies have stufd better than they do? So Ol' Celly thought she'd put you here, make ponies like you more, since you're sufferin like them? Except obviously, you're sufferin more. But they won't know that. Ah say... dumb fancy types don't know how much life sucks for soldiers. Training hurts. Being dumped and homeless when you're too old to kill stuff hurts. Getting hurt by enemies hurts. But what hurts most?"

There was a very awkward silence, and then Sky noticed he was asking her a question. "Um... getting electrocuted by an electric squid monster?"

"Na. That aint the worst thin tentacle monsters can do to ya. Ah say... ah say... it's how the ponies you fight to protect... don't even like ya."

"Really?"

"Eeyup. They think there aint no REAL monsters to fight, they think we waste tax money playing hoofball or somfun. They think we're the baaaaad guys. The enemy, the smarter ones - compared to the squids - know how to spin a yarn, so to speak. They do se do with the rich idiot's brain, and it don't come back home ever again. They take it to the barn, what happens there stays there, it never comes back out. Dumb ponies think there aint no monsters. They tell there kids there aint no monsters! But there are. We fight them, that's why they're safe. Why they haven't taken over. But the dumb ponies... they say we're too mean to the enemy! When we find them. They're plotting to kill us all, even the babies, even the cute critters, but... the dumb rich ponies say we're the real bad guys!"

"...oh." Sky said quietly.

"Kids look up at us, and they... scared of us. They believe what crazy dumb rich pony mommy and daddy say, about us being evil. The dumber ones write books where we're evil, and the heroes... fight us. Like we're the bad guys. But we're not! We're fighting and killing and dying and jumping into this doggone meat grinder with a smile. Not cause we crazy. Not cause we think we're Power Ponies. Them comics have sucked since season three anyway. We smile when we jump, cause we know... we gonna die, not our famlies. Not our friends. Not our dumb goveners, who'd die last anyway, complainin till they can't complain no more. We smile because we go in, trained soldiers, who accept the risk of dyin. And when we do die, we don't smile. We're angry, because it means we can't kill any more monsters. Every monster we kill is a monster that can't hurt anyone any more. Or ever again. We might not be able to kill the Mommy Monsters that spit out the easily-seen easily-fought monsters we fight. Or the mind-controlling monsters that hide in plain sight and turn your brothers against you, make your own family eat you alive. But we can kill them little monsters, kill them good, and make sure they can't hurt our friends, family, or home."

"Wow." Sky said. She didn't have the heart to crush his dreams and repeat what Princess Celestia said about cells. Then again... she was a 'Fancy Pony', and this was a real soldier. What did she know about being a soldier?

...Oh, right, she was in charge of them.

"I'm Sky Stormer. What's your name?" Sky asked.

"Well, Ah'm Apple Core. And ah gotta say, out of all the princesses ah've mey - not that ah met much - yure my favorite."

"Thank you!" Sky said happily. "And out of all the Earth Ponies I've met - I've met a few, but still - you're my favorite."

"Hold up. Apple Ponies aint the same as Earth Ponies." Apple Core said. "We dont got wings, but that dont mean you've really got applesauce in yer blood. Not until you've harvested yer first apple, and grown up on a farm, knowing what farming and hard work is really like."

"Oh. In that case, you are my favorite Apple pony." Sky said with a smile.

"Thank yall." Apple Core said. "By the way... ah hope ya dont mind me askin, but... is it true what they say about Alicorns?"

"What do you mean?" Sky asked.

"Do you..." He leaned over, and whispered something in her ear.

She blushed. "Um... promise me you won't laugh?"

"Scout's honour." He said.

"...yes." Sky said quietly.

He laughed.

"You said you wouldn't laugh!" Sky yelled angrily, feeling hurt and betrayed by one she thought she could trust.

"Ah aint no dang scout!" Apple Core yelled.

"Oh." Sky said. Now she just felt stupid. "I... I'm still getting used to it, and it's a real pain, so-"

"I bet it is! Having one sucks, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. Soooooo... What do you think of Princess Celestia?" Sky asked, fully expecting him to rant about how she was the worst dumb pony of the lot.

"What, Ol' Celly? She's alright. Just a good mare trying to do some good. Just a shame she's got dumb ponies working for her. Just a shame she can't fire the bad ones and do everything herself. If she did that, there'd be too much work left for the good ones, and nothing would get done. Plus, she'd look evil, and dumb ponies just loooove saying Ol' Celly's evil. Do ya know what some ponies call her?"

"What?" Sky asked.

"Dollestia." Apple Core said. "Because they say she's a pretty little doll that don't do nothing. And we action figures, cause we do stuff. But ponies like dolls more, cause they're bigger and prettier. Easier to sell dolls to little colts and fillies, they aint as scary as real action figures like us. A pony runs around pretending she's a Power Pony fighting The Maneiac, or Batmare fighting The Joker, that's ok. But if she runs around pretending she's a soldier shooting monsters, ohhhhhhhh no. Suddenly, that's bad. Soldiers are big and scary. You have to train to be a soldier, and that's hard. But a super-ring might come from the sky and make you a superhero, so that's much nicer to think about. Soldiers fight monsters, but dumb ponies don't like admitting monsters exist. Superheroes fight robots and aliens, and that's much cooler. And nicer to think about, because you know it isn't real, like the real wars going on. Ponies these days... just aint raised right. Dont wanna work hard, dont wanna grow up, dont wanna do anything. And the music sucks apples. And the so-called grown ups? Worse. Dumber. Blaming all their problems and mistakes on the generation they raised. And making the awful music the dumber ponies like. I know we Apples will be together no matter what, but... Rest of this world's at each other's throats. And ah wann  say to all of them... y'all dumb ponies need harmony."

"Yeah..." Sky said sadly. "I'm from Cloudsdale, but I moved to Las Pegases. I grew up with these big, floppy, stupid wings, like bunny ears, and the other colts teased me for them relentlessly." Sky said, stretching her wings to show how big they were.

"How fast do you fly with those things?" Apple Core asked.

"I don't. I'm slow in the air, slow and clumsy and pathetic. I only get fast after TONS of flying in a straight line, and because they don't give medals in schools for the One Hundred Million Meter Fly, I never got to show how useful flight stamina is. And my body's so ugly and it isn't pretty at all, and no stallion would ever even talk to me."

"I'm talking to you." Apple Core said, smiling.

"Only because you're an actor hired by Princess Celestia to check if I'm nice to everypony." Sky said sadly.

"Oh, great. Yer one of THOSE dumb ponies. 'Celestiati confirmed', right? Think everything good and bad that happens to ya is thanks to her?"

"Huh? No, I just thought-" Sky said.

"Thought no decent stallions exist? Thought dumb mares killed us all off or broke us all?"

"NO!" Sky snapped. "I thought this was part of some Princess Test Princess Celestia's giving me. Are you telling me it's not?"

"No. Does this mean you're gonna be a jerk now?"

"No. I like you, and that's all there is to it. You're a good friend."

"Dang right I'm just a friend. Sorry, I don't date mares that aren't cute little things."

"Do you date cute big things?"

"They don't exist."

"I do." Sky said sadly.

"Then whatever you are, you'll find a Prince to take your Princess butt out on a date." Apple Core said happily.

"I don't like princes." 

"Then you'll find a princess." Apple Core said with a smile. "My granny told me to never judge anypony, even if they're weird."

"OH. No, I... I don't... that isn't what I meant at all!" Sky said, suddenly wondering if ponies thought she meant... that... every time she said she didn't like princes. "I totally like stallions! Just not princes. I'd rather have a dashing, valiant, handsome king coming to take me to his kingdom and make me his queen."

"Uh... kings are already married." Apple Core pointed out. "Princes aren't, and they need to be married so they can become kings. Like Princesses."

"Oh. That's how it works? I thought Kings were the cool old guys, while princes are the younger ones."

"You're young, too!" Apple Core pointed out.

A massive cannonball slammed into the table next to her and exploded, hurting her ears and making a ringing sound as dust flew into the air.

Sky dug her heels into the ground and blew the dust away with her wings, only to see...

Monsters were in the sky with swollen jellyfish-like heads, pink with red splotchy marks in their centers, like stains. No eyes, or a face. And rather than tentacles, they had yellow pincers on their bases, a little like the claws of a bird, designed to hold its prey still while the mouth on the bottom ate it. Some were massive, the size of buildings, and others were as small as a normal-sized dog. They descended on the soldiers as they rushed into the tents to grab their swords and glowing magic weapons, Sky picked up a big red-glowing broadsword because it looked powerful, and battle began.

Those floating pink things were faster than they looked, and some swooped down on the fighters while others held back, waiting. Most soldiers sliced through the monsters in midair, which worked, but the ones firing magic blasts with their weapons were wasting their time, magic just washed right off these things. The unlucky soldiers screamed as the monsters landed on their heads and sucked them in, claws twitching like chewing teeth as the ponies struggled and screamed, their heads getting digested and absorbed whole. Sky ran up to one and swung her sword at the monster, but it was too late, they flew off to digest their prey alone and more monsters came down to replace them.

"Apple Core! What are these things?!" Sky shouted.

"Meatroids! They eat meat!" Apple Core shouted, swinging his apple-shaped scimitar through a swooping Meatroid, ice magic freezing the body parts and shattering them into dust.

"Why are they eating us?!" Sky asked.

"We're ponies, dagnabbit! We're made of meat!" He yelled, jumping to the side to dodge another one swooping down.

Sky started using powerful swipes of her wings to knock the Meatroids into walls and into each other, but all that did was make them angry.

"How do you kill them?" Sky asked.

General Ripper laughed as he rode on another pony and swung his chainsaw wildly at anything that got close, only getting kills thanks to the hard work of those working for him, his chainsaw glowing blue. "I am a Meatroid-killing master! I am telling this story TO EVERYONE I MEET AT PARTIES!"

"Cut them in half, and freeze the parts! Or freeze them right off the bat! Lowering their body temperature is the only way to make sure they stay dead, and can't hurt anypony else!" Apple Core yelled. Sky got closer to him, and helped him by blowing monsters swooping at him onto the ground so he could slice them in half, and then she started swinging freezing air at the Meatroids by pulling down the air from the upper atmosphere with mighty downward swipes of her massive wings.

More Meatroids came down, but... these were different. They were attached to the heads of angry-looking unwashed ponies and griffons, and they weren't eating them, they were controlling them. Some of them had even grown into the pony controlling them, making them look like oddly-shaped manes, hats, or heads. The controlled ponies and griffons landed and they charged towards Sky Stormer with incredible speed, instinct telling them the biggest Alicorn had the most meat.

"They've got Turncoats!" Apple Core shouted. "Kill them, and you kill their victim, too!"

Sky didn't want to hurt her fellow ponies, so she swung air down onto these 'Turncoats', crushing them with air pressure, so they couldn't move. The Griffons also got a free pass, finding themselves disabled nonlethally the same way.

"What are you doing?!" General Ripper shouted, directing his tired pony to her.

"I'm not a killer!" Sky shouted.

"You won't be a killer if you stop these from killing you, or anypony else! These ponies and griffons stopped being ponies and griffons the second the monsters started controlling them!" Apple Core yelled as the Turncoats started to get back up, the monsters healing their wounds. "They're already dead inside, in their minds and hearts! It's just like putting a dying dog out of its misery!"

"I don't want to do that, either!" Sky shouted.

"Look around you!" General Ripper yelled, grabbing her head and pointing it at the soldiers the Meatroids were grabbing and carrying away, and the crowds of Turncoats beating up and choking her soldiers. "Do you want these monsters to kill us all? Do you want these monsters to get to Equestria, and start killing foals there?"

"No!" Sky shouted, afraid.

"Then kill these parasites!" General Ripper roared, pouncing on a Meatroid controlling a Griffon and stabbing his chainsaw into its head over and over and over as the Griffon attached to it screamed. "Kill them, kill them, kill them, kill them, KILL THEM!"

"Sky, there's no other way! You have to do it!" Apple Core yelled as a Meatroid swooped down at him, and was taken out by a Unicorn sniper on a roof firing a magic icicle at it, letting him focus on the Meatroids and Turncoats that were getting closer and closer to him.

Sky threw her head to the sky and screamed, stretching out her wings, and with a mighty downwards flap, she collapsed to the ground and brought down winter, a colossal blast of freezing air coming down onto them, clouds all over the world finding themselves pulled towards them, ponies all over the planet feeling the breeze. The magic restraint on her froze and cracked off, crumbling into dust, not that it mattered much, since she still had no idea how to use magic.

For miles around, dust and dirt was frozen together. The landscape was permanently changed, the desert freezing over. Meatroids and Turncoats all around her were frozen alive, and she opened her eyes just in time to see them cracking apart, the monsters breaking first. The Turncoats that still had enough of their faces left to show emotion had one of three looks on their face. Hatred, pain, and... thankfulness. As if they knew she was going to save them from this, and for this last moment alive, they... they thanked her.

"You d-d-d-did it, Sky!" Apple Core said happily, sitting on his flanks and rubbing himself to stay warm.

"You deserve a medal, Princess." General Ripper said, taking off his sunglasses and showing his face, which showed genuine thanks.

Numb and unfeeling, Sky Stormer fell to the ground, crying, as her wings covered her face.

"...Okay, two medals." General Ripper said, surprised.

Sky kept crying.

"...Three medals?" General Ripper asked hopefully.

Sky swung a wing out, blowing him back through the frozen tundra.

"Always wanted to d-do that." Apple Core said happily.

A cannonball with a lit fuse struck the ground beside them, cracking the icy ground.

"Sky!" Apple Core screamed, diving on top of it to save her.

Sky swung a wing down, blasting cold air at it, and the fuse went out. "Never do that again." Sky said angrily, tears still streaming down her face.

She heard a cannon fire, and seeing the cannonball fly towards her in the misty cloud of ice, she swung her right wing, batting the cannonball away. It landed several miles away and exploded violently behind her. She flew towards the source of these cannonballs, and started to hear music.

"Yyyyyeeeaaahhhh!" A stallion wearing a purple-glassed helmet and body-covering black armour with speakers on the back shouted as she sat on the captain's chair of the giant steampunk pirate ship covered in speakers floated in the air thanks to magic. "I think that one finally hit her!" The pony yelled.

"Wait, hold on, I'm picking something up." He said as his helmet's glass zoomed in on a black dot in the ice clouds and told him her power level. His glass zoomed in more, and he saw the furious look on her face.

An odd liquid leaked out of his suit, steaming when it hit the ship's mostly-frozen hull.

Sky Stormer flew into the ship head-on and punched through it, cutting right through its magitech engine and sending the ship to the ground.

The pony in the helmet looked around, not seeing her. And then she tackled him from the side, taking him away from the controls.

"If you hadn't shot that cannonball, we would have seen those Meatroids coming!" Sky shouted angrily.

"Don't kill me! Please don't!"

"Why not?!" Sky asked, eyes tightening. "I'm already a murderer now, thanks to you."

Sky Stormer growled and grabbed the pony with a hoof, flying up into the air and looking at the planet below, seeing Canterlot and flying down to it.

"Princess Celestiaaaaaaaaaa!" Sky shouted, crashing through a stained-glass window pony-first, finding her and Princess Luna talking to a pony. "Guess who I found!"

Princess Celestia recognized the helmet, and frowned as the blue-haired mare threw him to the floor in front of her.

"So, did I pass your test? Tell me those ponies were fake, and so were the Meatroids." Sky said. "And I found this assassin, does this mean I get extra credit?"

"Meatroids?" The pony Princess Celestia was talking to, Fancy Pants, asked in surprise. "They're a myth! They don't actually exist!"

Too tired for this, Sky grabbed Princess Celestia and Fancy Pants with her hoofarms, and took her to the place where she'd frozen the world. Many Meatroid bodies were cracking and crumbling into chunks of pink and white ice, but more were only frozen into blocks, or had frost covering them.

"Oh my. I... I had no idea!" Fancy Pants gasped. "Please, Sky, take me home!" I must fix this at once?"

"What are you going to do, freeze the world? Fight the monsters?" Sky asked angrily.

"No, I can't do that. But I can support those who can." Fancy Pants said, determination in his eyes.

"Good. Make sure your rich pony friends see it the same way." Sky said, flying them back to Canterlot. "Princess Celestia, tell me... did those ponies really die?"

"If they were attacked by Meatroids, then... yes." Princess Celestia said sadly. "I'm sorry, but not even revival magic can bring back ponies eaten by those. The test was to see if you could survive in that camp as a soldier. On day three, you would begin learning magic, and on day five, masked soldiers would be airdropped down, where they would sneak into the base and attack you. If they succesfully pinned you down and put their sword to your neck, you would fail the test and be stripped of your rank, as this test traditionally goes. Even if decapitation couldn't kill you. And if you failed to handle this training, you would fail the test."

"What about General Ripper? And Apple Core? Are they actors?" Sky asked.

"I assure you, the soldiers you met were real. And I'll see to it that the survivors are promoted and rewarded, and the fallen buried with full honours."

"Then the families of those dead ponies-" Sky said.

"They didn't have any. I suspected a jealous noblepony would try to have you killed, or the test sabotaged, and my suspicions were correct. And that weight, I didn't say anything about the heavy variant used for criminals. You were supposed to have a small metal ring on your horn to safely prevent magic, and your wings bound to safely prevent flight. Not some metal thing to make proper flight impossible and flight attempts painful... I suppose somepony along the way got paid off. I'll have T+I look into it." Princess Celestia said.

Sky brought them back to Canterlot, putting them down in the palace.

"Princess Sky... Why are you suddenly fast?" Fancy Pants asked. "When I ran a background check, my private investigator said you were slower than my wife. I struck- I mean, I had a sharp discussion with him over that, and he apologized."

"That would be her Alicorn magic." Princess Celestia said. "Good to see it's coming in so quickly. And that trick with the air was clever, how did you know to do that?"

"Flying at high altitudes is something I'm good at. I know how cold the air can get up there." Sky said.

"Brilliant! A warrior and a scholar!" Fancy Pants said happily. "You have made a fine ally, today! Princess Celestia, about that-"

"I'll see to it." Princess Celestia said, before turning to the terrified pony in armour. "I'll also see that this House Sonas pony will be properly punished."

"Wait... Sonas? DJ-PON3's family?" Sky asked, surprised.

"What is the purpose of that stage name when everypony knows it's Vinyl Scratch?" Fancy Pants wondered.

"DJ sounds cooler." Sky said, eager to defend one of her favourite musicians. "And Princess... Did she do this?"

"No, she was kicked from the house for sneaking off to raves as a child. This is the handiwork of her family, who never made real music. They took the failings of the music industry, and created a watered-down variant to be made quickly and shovelled into the mouths of gullible, tasteless consumers. Her amazing music made by her hooves is the reason why she's so famous, and why she has surpassed her family, who still frantically try to sit on my throne, unaware that Vinyl has made her own."

"I love DJ-PON3." Sky said. "Her music! Her music is totally what I meant!" She added nervously.

"Um..." Fancy Pants said, shocked.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that! She's beautiful! Who doesn't have a crush on her?" Sky asked, wings unfurling as her horn started glowing.

"UM..." Fancy Pants said, afraid. "Yes, well, I must be off. Be seeing you!" He said, running away.

"Princess Celestia? Did I just mess up?" Sky asked, confused.

Princess Celestia laughed. "No, my pony. You have done wonderfully, and the parade held to officially celebrate your official coronation will be next week."

"Next week?" Sky asked.

"Yes, you still have a few days of training at Magic Camp left. Good luck!" Princess Celestia said.

"I... I'll make you proud, Princess Celestia!" Sky said happily.

"Yes, you will." Princess Celestia said, smiling like a proud mother.
> Chapter 5
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next few days of training were hell, General Ripper had been "Promoted", and was now General+1 Ripper. She had a feeling that not even saving Equestria from Changelings and chopping off Queen Chrysalis's head - TWICE - could get that monster any more power than he already had. His job was to yell at idiots all day. That was all he did, and all he was good at. Or rather, all he could do acceptably. She didn't care much for the brute.

Apple Core got a much nicer promotion: As soon as he was out of basic training, he was going into a special six-week course that actually prepared you for war against monsters and made you way less likely to die. Magic boosts were also used to speed up the training process, and you got to have a really big sword. None of the generic factory-made stuff. Only beautiful, ornate, lovingly-crafted magic weapons made in the greatest of forges would be good enough for Apple Core, because after this course, he was entering The Ultramarines. They were an elite force that battled the very biggest of Equestria's threats, and crushed them. Smart, strong, amazing in every way, and unchallenged masters of tactics and logistics... Sky didn't know much about the military, but she knew enough to know the Ultramarines were amazing.

And on the last two days, the magic training began, and swallowed up everything else. Sky learned spells for fire, ice, water, wind, lightning, time, space, illusion, wood, healing, metal, and void. But try as she might, she could never get any Earth spells to work, besides the basic one for moving rocks. She guessed it was because her best element was wind, which was opposed to earth. And she was part Sky Spirit, not... Rock Spirit, or something stupid like that. She also found the more ethereal, mind-altering spells far easier than the more brutish attack spells, even if they were devestatingly powerful when they came from her horn.

Soon enough, Sky had completed her training, and gained seven medals from General+1 Ripper, who happily declared this to be the biggest number of medals he'd ever given to a living soldier under his command. 

She noticed he said living. Did he really run around giving medals to dead bodies to try and make himself feel better and pretend pretty stickers (albeit metal ones with pins) made up for having to fight in the horrors of war and die too soon? Sure, they didn't have to fight, they chose the life for themselves knowing what they were getting into, but... medals were kinda lame. There should be something cooler to reward awesome soldiers.

In any case, she returned to Canterlot utterly exhausted and stronger than ever before, physically and mentally. She got off the train at Canterlot, having dozed off a little on the way, and she stumbled out awkwardly with her bags carried behind her by Princess Celestia's royal guard. That was weird. But they had arrived for her, and wouldn't take no for an answer. One even offered to let her ride him to her new home. She blushed and accepted, glad he wore a saddle, even if it was made of solid gold.

Riding him all the way through Canterlot was an incredibly embarassing experience, and the streets were closed off, ponies watching from their windows and cheering for her. She shyly waved back, wishing her friends were here. Every muscle in her body ached - yes, even though she was from Cloudsdale and had spent her childhood in their brutally militaristic Flight School.

She remembered the day Rainbow Dash pulled off the Sonic Rainboom. It was also the day Fluttershy almost died, though she only knew the yellow foal's name now thanks to newspapers she'd read on the train.

She remembered when everypony saw Fluttershy fall to her death. She remembered when everypony was ordered to stay put and watch the show.

She remembered desparately wanting to do something...

And she remembered doing nothing.

She still hated herself for that. She wanted to save that pony, it was the right thing to do, but... she also didn't want to get kicked out of Flight School for disobeying a direct order and ruining what may have been Fluttershy's literal die-or-fly moment, along with any hope she'd ever have of becoming a 'Real' Pegasus.

Sometimes, Sky wondered if randomly deciding to go out and do selfless, charitable acts was her way of trying to make up for that failure... and her way of trying to tell herself she was still a good pony.

Sky Stormer noticed she'd stopped smiling, and looked sad. She forced a big smile, and waved some more to her fans.

Sky was surprised when she got to a luxurious fifty star hotel, an enormous golden skyscraper with tons of windows. Her strong, powerful stallion let her get off, impressed that he wasn't tired at all, and she walked into the fancy hotel with a nervous look, even though she was guarded by Equestria's strongest.

"Hello, and welcome to Richest Peak!" An Earth Pony said happily. An extremely cute Unicorn mare was standing nearby in the same yellow outfit, and she picked up all of Sky's bags with her green magic.

"Hi." Sky said awkwardly, waving a hoof.

"You must be exhausted after your long trip!" The Earth Pony said happily.

Sky blinked, and noticed she... wasn't. She'd completely recovered, already! She hadn't even noticed! Thanks, Alicorn biology! Still, she was really tired anyway, and looking forward to sleeping on a nice bed. "Yeah." She said shyly.

They led her to her room, an amazingly rich white and gold room with an enormous bed made from enchanted clouds with sheets over them. Sky happily rushed over and bounced onto it, sinking in and relaxing. The royal guards left, one leaving behind a purple letter on a table. Sky didn't care... she'd already fallen asleep.





Sky Stormer woke up screaming, a stabbing pain in her side. Looking around, she saw a sword in her side and a red pony in a black outfit and blue hood smiling.

Sky screamed and got up, tackling him down with her superior size and strength, and she slammed a wing down onto his chest, breaking his spine. "Who are you?!" Sky shouted, bleeding a little as her wound fixed itself. She pulled the sword out with her teeth, and spat it away.

"Don't kill me!" He wheezed in fear. "I was paid to do it, they said they'd kill my wife if I didn't!"

"Tell me your name!" Sky yelled.

"I don't have a name, my people are brought up without them." He told her.

"Then I'll call you Black." Sky decided. "Who hired you?"

"Rose Bud!" He wheezed. "Rose Bud, from the Naturia house!"

"And you're prepared to testify to this in court?" Sky asked in suspicion.

"After my wife is saved, sure!" Black said, starting to cry. "Please... save my wife!"

"Where can I find her?" Sky asked.

"In the Great Galloping Gorge, I'm supposed to bring your head there and get my wife back!" Black wept.

"Shhhhhh, Don't worry." Sky said motherly, stroking him. "I'll get her back for you."

"Thank you..." Black whispered, slowly falling asleep.

Sky grabbed him and flew him to Princess Celestia, breaking through another window and giving him to the shocked ruler. "He tried to kill me, but only because Rose Bud hired him and has his wife! They're in Great Galloping Gorge, send help!" Sky said quickly, preparing to fly.

"Wait!" Princess Celestia shouted, but Sky was already gone. She refused to let anypony stop her from helping another pony again.

She'd find this Rose Bud...

And save Black's wife.

And anyone who got in her way was taking a wing to the spine.
> Chapter 6
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sky Stormer arrived at Great Galloping Gorge, flying overhead to scout the place out. She saw tons of big grey rocky mountains, but no ponies... Yet.

She saw two. One blue mare with short Rainbow Dash-ish yellow hair tied up, a fat pink mare with darker-pink hair like petals standing over her. "Soon..." Rose Bud whispered.

Sky Stormer remembered her training and gave Sky Stormer a flying kick that sent her flying, holding back so she didn't give her permanent brain damage, or break her neck or head. Sky landed, burned away the ropes with a fire spell to free the blue mare, and the Alicorn teleported just before Rose Bud hit the wall, grabbing her by the neck with both hooves.

"I just finished a week of military training. I know over three thousand spells. I used to be the best long-distance flier in Flight School, and now I'm an Alicorn! The peak and pinnacle of pony power! What do you have?" Sky demanded, trying to force a surrender.

"This." Rose Bud said, weakly waving her tail side to side like a flag.

"That's all you've ever had." Sky growled, choking her harder. Rose's eyes bulged out like those of a squeezy toy, and Sky slammed her head into the wall, driving her in further and further into solid rock.

"That's the signal!" An invisible Unicorn mare with pink fur realized, standing on the edge of the gorge, casting the gravity spell and running away to her next position.

Sky and Rose Bud immediately fell to the ground like a dropped plate, Rose passing out while Sky furiously flapped her wings and tried to fight it, the gravity getting to unsafe levels as they both hit the ground.

Explosives went off in the gorge to bring the whole thing down on top of them, killing them both.





What was once gorge was now rubble, the gravity spell ensuring the rock around Sky and Rose was hardest. It would take years to drill through that rock, and by that point, Rose's family would find an excuse to prevent Sky's coronation.

There would be no new Alicorn, there would be no change...

Somewhere in Canterlot, there was a pony that didn't care how rich they were, because they wanted MORE.

And if a rich pony in Canterlot couldn't have EVERYTHING, nopony in Equestria could have ANYTHING.

Such selfishness...

Such cruelty...

Such... blind... EVIL.

Buried beneath tons of rubble, body broken and crushed by rocks, Sky Stormer's eyes opened.

Her wings burst open, unleashing a wave of wind that tore a new gorge into the earth and allowed her to once again see the sun and sky. Sky looked down at the pony beneath her, healing her with the sky-blue glow of her magic. She couldn't have her key witness dying. Afterlife, schmafterlife.

Feeling the Alicorn magic burning within her along with her hate, Sky Stormer grabbed the pony and flew towards Canterlot, noticing a crimson spell flying towards her. It struck her flank and lightning struck her body, barely even hurting her, though the unconscious pony she carried woke up and started to scream. Did an invisible Unicorn just hit her with a spell?

Sky spun in the air and swung a wing down at where she guessed the invisible Unicorn was, turning a huge section of land into a cube-shaped crater. A big splash of green in the crater's middle told her the invisible Unicorn was actually a Changeling, and she felt better about having to hurt it. After all, Changelings were evil, and many ponies had died in the invasion of Canterlot. She hated Queen Chrysalis. She wanted to kill her.

But first, Canterlot.

Sky Stormer flew towards the stained glass window that was being repaired, the glass pony screaming, and she crashed through the wall holding it instead. "Express delivery for the Court of Liars and Horses!" She shouted, throwing the pony up, having her land on the ground. With how mad she was, throwing her straight to the ground would hurt the lying little mule too much.
> Chapter 7
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We really must stop meeting like this." Princess Celestia commented as she glanced around at the eight heads of noble houses around her, at the assassin and his wife, and at her newest Alicorn.

"Good sunrise, is that Rose Bud?" Fancy Pants asked in shock, his monocle falling off.

"Yes, from the Naturia house." Black said, his wife next to him.

"Hold on!" Rose Quartz, Rose Bud's mother, said nervously. She was even fatter than her daughter, and her dark-pink hair-petals were more square-shaped. "She has acted rashly, and not in accordance with the desires of House Naturia!"

"Mother!" Rose Bud yelled, shocked. "You said... you said..."

"Silence, traitor." Rose Quartz said as her horn glowed, black thorns clamping her daughter's mouth shut, cutting into the skin.

"There's no need for that." Princess Celestia said, a fire spell from her burning away the thorns. "We can hear what this pony has to say."

"She lies!" Rose Quartz declared. Sky Stormer cast a truth spell. "I told her to do this, and threatened to take her inheritance away if she didn't! This is all my fault!"

Everyone was quiet.

"Wait, what?" Rose Quartz asked, confused.

"Ah, truth spells. One of the finest things in life." Fancy Pants said approvingly.

"But I... but you..." Rose Quartz said, stunned. "Truth spells are illegal to cast on somepony without permission!"

"Alicorns are above the law. Did you never find it odd that the law forbids magical interference with the sun, yet I move the sun every day?" Princess Celestia asked.

"You... This is all your fault! If you and your sister had killed this unworthy Alicorn like you were supposed to, none of this would have happened!" Rose Quartz screamed, horn glowing. Black thorns burst into the room to grab Rose Bud, but she responded by lighting her own horn and causing white thorns to wrap around them and crush them.

"I'm not taking the fall for you any more!" Rose Bud said, making the white thorns fly up and pierce Rose Quartz's skin. "I am not your seed of destruction, to plant wherever you please!"

"Hold on, sister? I thought I killed an invisible Changeling." Sky said.

"YOU DID WHAT?!" They both asked.

"Yeah, when I crushed her with one wing swipe, it made a green splash of goo. She's a Changeling." Sky said flatly.

"My own sister..." Rose Bud realized, horrified. "She was replaced with a Changeling, and I never noticed?"

"Of course not. Not when you two were always at each other's throats, so desparate for your mommy's love!" Rose Quartz laughed.

"Well then... IT'S A GOOD THING I DON'T HAVE A MOTHER ANY MORE!" Rose Bud screamed, horn glowing brightly as pink vines broke the ground and grabbed Rose Quartz, lifting her higher and higher into the air as one vine snapped off the fat mare's horn, the others squeezing tighter and tighter until...

There was a loud scream.

Princess Celestia had cast a sleep spell on Rose Bud and teleported Rose Quartz somewhere else, smoking burn marks on the white vines.

"Princess?" Sky Stormer asked nervously.

"Yes, my little pony?" Princess Celestia asked.

"Where is Rose Quartz?" Sky asked.

"It does not matter." Princess Celestia as Rose Bud started to get up. "Rose Bud, you are now the sole inheritor of the Naturia House."

"Say wha?" Rose mumbled.

"You are now the sole inheritor of the Naturia House." Princess Celestia stated.

"Oh." Rose Bud said. "...Neat."

Rose Bud fell down. At first, Sky thought she was going back to sleep, but instead, the pink mare curled into a ball and started to cry.

Sky uncomfortably moved closer to Princess Celestia, hoping her large body would shield her from the eyes of the other noble houses. "Sky Stormer, have you anything to say to these noble ponies?"

"Uh... Hi." Sky said shyly.

"Hi." The others said in chorus.

"...Do you like Pone Piece?" Sky asked hopefully.

Fancy Pants facehoofed.
> Chapter 8
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It has come to my attention that you have had a rather alarming number of attempts on your life these past few days." Princess Celestia said.

"No, really?" An exhausted and sleepless Sky Stormer asked sarcastically, her bed on fire, the bedroom literally coated in green and red splashes, her tea on fire thanks to how much magic poison was in it. "Want some tea?" She offered angrily.

"No." Princess Celestia said, batting the cup away with a wing, hitting an invisible assassin in the face. It became visible as the flaming poison burned him.

"OH, THAT'S JUST RIDICULOUS." Sky shouted.

"Indeed." Princess Celestia said as her horn glowed and her magic picked up the body, swinging around the room like a sword and hitting five more invisible assassins to the ground, their invisibility fading.

"How can you see them?" Sky asked.

"I can't. Elder Alicorns can predict the future, sensing things such as danger and threats before they happen." Princess Celestia said.

"So... you just sensed me getting stabbed a bunch of times?" Sky asked.

"Yes." Princess Celestia stated.

"Wow, that must suck." Sky realized. "Wait, does that mean you know what's going to happen, always?"

"Not always. Sometimes, unexpected things happen. Like Discord." She said.

"Why do these assassins even bother? Aren't we both immortal?" Sky asked, getting a future sense and kicking a leg back. It missed the assassin, who stabbed her in the rear, and Princess Celestia threw him out the window and pulled the blade out with her mouth. Sky blushed and smiled nervously.

"Lesser ponies need some hope in their lives. Like the hope that they can actually do something about who is in power. It is sad." Princess Celestia said. Her horn glowed, and four invisible assassins burst into flame. "...But funny." She said, smiling.

"Dang, Celly! You scary." Sky laughed.

"Indeed, I am." Princess Celestia said. "Now... where are your friends?"

"I gave them rooms in this hotel, and money from the royal coffers to spend. While I'm busy with Alicorn stuff, they can enjoy the fun Canterlot has to offer." Sky said happily.

"But what about you? Don't you want to spend time with them?" Princess Celestia asked.

"I'm busy with Alicorn stuff." Sky shrugged. "Besides, they're having fun without me."

"That's not a good sign." Princess Celestia said.

"I'm not becoming evil. In fact, want to know what I did today?" Sky offered.





"Food!" Sky Stormer yelled happily in the Canterlot Slums, surrounded by tables piled high with fruits and vegetables, and starving ponies hungry for her food. "Get your free food!"

She hoofed the food out to orphan foals, builders, street sweepers, chimney sweepers, and ponies with bad Cutie Marks, like toilet-cleaning and leatherworking.

"Thanks, Princess Sky!" An adorable white orphan colt with a brown patch on one eye said happily, eating a cabbage for the first time in his life.

"I suppose your Princess friends told you to do this, to make us like you more?" A grumpy old ugly stallion asked.

"Nope! I'm doing this completely behind their backs. If I was supposed to do this, I'd have Royal Guards with me and they'd carry crates of food. Instead, I carried the food myself with my magic."

"I wish I was an Alicorn." The grumpy old stallion said sadly.

"Why?" Sky asked.

"So I could fly. And do what you're doing. And live forever. I don't wanna die." He said quietly.

"That's alright." Sky said, her horn glowing. She made the old stallion young again, and was amazed at how good he looked as a young buck, blushing.

"Wooooooooohooooooo!" He yelled happily, parkour jumping up onto the rooftops so he could scream, "PRINCESS SKY IS THE GREATEST PRINCESS! BEST PRINCESS! KINDEST PRINCESS! AND MOST WONDERFUL PRINCESS OF AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-LUH!"

"You pronounced Luna wrong!" A green mare yelled, getting out of their window.

"Luna never did THIS!" The formerly-old pony yelled happily.





"So that's how your tab is so high." Princess Celestia sighed. "And why that pony kept shouting about your glory until we had to send some royal guards to take him home... Well, at least you aren't gorging yourself in misery like I feared."

"Ew, no. I'll never get fat." Sky said.

"Good." Princess Celestia said. "It would negatively affect your image."

"Literally!" Sky said. They laughed, the assassins laughed, and the assassins were choked.

"I think you need royal guards." Princess Celestia said, opening the door and walking out. "Go and talk to your friends, I'll see what I can do. Also, your coronation is in two days."

"Thank you, Princess Celestia." Sky said, and went upstairs to see seventeen bodies on the floor, Stroke standing on top of the pile. Her other friends, Snowy and Patty, were also there, but they didn't have piles of their own.

"Hey, Sky." Patty said happily. "We're finally seeing you! Isn't it assassin-GREAT?"

Snowy hit her with her tail. "Really, dear, you simply have no manners." And then Snowy suddenly glomed Sky. "Oh, Sky, how horrible was military training? Did those horrible brutes make you... exercise?!" The pony asked, over-reacting.

"Uh..." Sky said in surprise.

"Oh! You've already lost all three hundred of your IQ points!" Snowy cried, weeping.

"That isn't my score." Sky pointed out.

"And it never will be, because you've become a bruuuuute!" Snowy wept. Stroke bucked her in the face. "Thanks, dear, I needed that." Snowy said.

"Come on, guys! I'm still the same person I've always been!" Sky said.

"Yeah, but with POWER!" Patty said happily. "Want to know what I did with my money?





"Boss?" Patty asked happily as she entered the Rusty Rat, Equestria's worst fast food place, owned by a donkey named Ratface. The food was bland, the animatronics ate people, and the boss was an elderly jackass that didn't deserve to live. He underpaid her, never paid her for overtime, paid her less than the other two male workers - yes, for the same work, not for less work like usual. He's seriously that big a jerk - and tried to hit on her when he wasn't talking down to her, threatening to fire her, or being a jerk by calling her an ugly, smelly pony that nopony could ever want or love, and how her burger-flipping Cutie Mark represented how that was all she'd ever be in life: A stupid burger-flipping idiot that could never do or be anypony else. He, on the other hand, was a 'Purebred Donkey', a superior breed - In his mind and imagination only - and could be whatever he wanted. Which was why he was a miserable, whiny, pathetic, fat, ugly, annoying, elderly, stupid jackass whose only positive contribution to the planet was the fact that his dung made an okayish fertilizer, even if it was inferior to actual pony dung. Regardless, he would often poop on the linoleum floor of his office and make Patty clean it up, because he was a horrible, horrible person.

"What?" The ugly mule growled, reading The Stun newspaper, a newspaper mad  by jackasses for jackasses. It was also utterly terrible in every way.

"Good news, everyone!" Patty said, pulling a spatula out of her mane, heating it up on the grill, and burning the stupid mule on it, right on his flanks, making the little rat scream while the ponies eating choked on their food in surprise and the workers laughed and cheered. "You finally have a Cutie Mark now, you sub-pony jackass! And would you look at that! IT'S A GRILLE! I guess this means YOU are destined to work here forever." Patty said, pulling the spatula off his flank, reheating the spatula while he fell to the ground and cried, and slapping it onto his other flank. "Which is good, because I QUIT! And then I'll buy this place from your boss, and YOU will work for ME, jackass!"





Everypony stared at Patty, surprised.

"Wow. I didn't know you had it in you!" Snowy said.

"But wait, there's more!" Patty said happily. "I had some money left over, and I knew exactly what I'd spend it on. Royal Guards came after me, and arrested me, and I said, 'I'm glad I burned that jackass'. I paid for this awesome lawyer named Pheonix. Not only did he get me off; he got me knighted in the New Year's Honours List. And the relatives of the victim had to pay to get my spatula cleaned, AND get me a new one! I got a magical one made of onyx and omegasteel, which is fourty times stronger than regular steel and seven times lighter. It's amazing, it glides through the air like a sword, and it can heat itself up, shoot fireballs, become a flaming sword, make fire shields, and cook steaks PERFECTLY, NO MATTER WHERE I AM. If I wanted, I could make EVERY STEAK ON THE PLANET become deliciously medium rare, and NOPONY WOULD EVER KNOW I DID IT! It can bend and eat fire, too, and heal people. And since it's so expensive, that jackass is now my indentured servant, FOR LIFE! And so are his foals and grandfoals!"

"That awful brute was married?" Snowy gasped.

"Of course not. A crazy batpony mare working for Princess Luna was all too happy to have her Celestia's Guard Unicorn friend use time magic to give me some slave batpony-mule suddenly-teenaged foals to work with their dad. She thought it was hilarious."

"You have issues." Stroke said quietly.

"What did you do with your money, Stroke?" Sky asked Stroke.

"Oh, um..." Stroke said quietly and shyly. Sky thought she was really cute, and her Alicorn urges were starting to act up, so she bit her tongue and imagined Ratface naked. And then she remembered he was always naked, so she gave him a clown nose, a rainbow wig, and white face paint.





In her dark basement, Stroke laughed, surrounded by magical weapons and torture equipment.





"Art supplies." Stroke said quietly.

"That's beautiful- I mean wonderful!" Sky said, blushing. "Snowy, what did you spend your money on?"





Sky stood on a stage with a red curtain behind her. "The censors said we couldn't show you this flashback. So, because we need to fill a few seconds of screen time, let's teach young fillies and foals about the importance of staying safe when flyi-"





"College debts." Snowy lied badly.

"We don't have those in this country." Sky said.

"Yes, well..." Snowy said nervously. "I bet the soldiers hurt you!"

"They did not! They all died. But one didn't. Well, two didn't. No, one soldier didn't die, and one idiot didn't die." Sky growled.

"And that would be you?" Patty laughed.

"Ahahahahaha- You suck, Patty." Sky said tiredly.

"Oh, wow, Mrs Big-Shot Alicorn is too cool for jokes. Didn't you cry about Snakes a few months ago?" Patty asked.

"They don't have any wings!" Sky declared.

"Neither do Earth Ponies and Unicorns." Patty pointed out.

"I know." Sky said sadly. "Sorry, guys. I've just been under a lot of pressure lately."

"Like that assassin stabbing your neck?" Snowy asked delicately.

"What?!" Sky asked, turning her head around, the assassin on her back getting pulled to the front, his wrist-knife stuck in her head. Sky looked around, swinging the hooded assassin around like a doll, and then she glared at Snowy. "That isn't funny."

"No, but that is!" Patty laughed, getting her spatula out of her mane and setting the assassin on fire, dragon claws made of fire appearing to pull out the blade and burn the assassin until he couldn't move.

"Ow." Sky said once he was out. "Hey, I think he hurt my nervous system. ...aaaand it's back. Ow."

"Hey, are you alright, dear?" Snowy asked.

"Guys?" Sky asked.

"Yes?" Her friends asked.

"I think it would be a good idea to GET OUT OF THIS HOTEL WHILE ASSASSINS ARE ATTACKING!" Sky yelled.

They rushed outside, the royal guard FINALLY got here, and the day was saved by... just kidding, more than half of the guard died when they trampled over each other to get up the stairs, and really, Princess Celestia did most of the work. As Sky walked with her friends to the local cinema, she wondered if Celestia's guard was designed to keep the best fighters in the land alive... or keep the worst soldiers in the country out of the public eye. After all, it took real skill to mess up standing around like an idiot. And those idiots certainly lacked skill.
> Chapter 9
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That was awesome!" Patty yelled.

"I hate Micheal Brae." Sky grumbled. "He ruined Transmorphers!"

"Yeah, but he put EXPLOSIONS everywhere, so who cares?" Patty asked happily, flipping over and making a boom sound.

"I care! I grew up with that show, and it really means a lot to me." Sky said.

"I understand, dear." Snowy said, nuzzling her.

"You like Transmorphers?" Sky asked.

"No, my favorite artist changed their primary color, and now their work is RUINED FOREVER." Snowy cried.

"You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" Sky asked sadly.

"No." Snowy said.

Sky sighed. "Well, at least I'l always have you guys."

"Come on! No matter how far apart we are from each other- literally, in your case." Stroke said, the somewhat tiny pony nuzzling the larger Alicorn. "Our hearts are always connected."

"Wow, sappy." Patty laughed.

"Your body is sappy." Stroke said. Sky wasn't sure what the joke there was.

"Anyway... what are the Princesses like?" Snowy asked. "Does Celestia snore? Does Twilight really kiss books, sleep with books, and eat her own books when she's done reading them, so they'll always be inside her?"

"Uh... no, no, yes, and... only her favourites." Sky said. "Actually, I haven't talked to them much yet."

There was a giant nuclear gold-coloured explosion in the hotel Sky had been staying at. "DARN IT!" Sky yelled angrily.

"Why are so many assassins after you?" Stroke asked.

"Everypony hates Alicorns." Sky said sadly.

"We don't." Patty said, hugging Sky.

"Thanks, guys." Sky said, feeling much better. "Who cares if some losers hate me for being an Alicorn? I am me, nobody else!"

"That's the spirit." Snowy said happily.

"Besides, Princess Celestia bought three hotels for me." Sky said. "So you can stay with me in them if you want. And they'll explode in three... two... one..."

The three hotels did not explode like she was expecting. Instead, each rocketed into the air and flew away as deathcore was played from each one.

Everypony watched the hotels fly away, eventually vanishing over the horizon.

"...Buck." Sky said quietly.

"Hey, wanna go back home for a day and throw apples at jerks?" Patty offered, hoping to enlighten the mood.

"Do I?!" Sky asked happily, teleporting them away.





The group of four friends watched the streets below, boxes of apples nearby. Patty smirked, Snowy looked graceful, Stroke grinned insanely, and Sky had her game face on, ready to deal out some sweet, apple-y justice.

They finally saw a jerk, some fat mare being mean to her baby beta boyfriend. "Chucks away!" Snowy joked Canterlotishly as they threw apples at the mare, to her immediate rage. She stormed off, and the beta loser just stared there, not sure what to do without someone holding his leash. He started to walk over to his master, but an apple hit his head, and he stopped. He started to walk again, but an apple hit his head, and he stopped. The positive/negative-reinforcement dog-training he was used to thanks to her took effect, and he wandered off in the other direction, forgetting about his master. Those were the thoughts the analytical and gossipy Snowy thought. Sky, on the other hand, thought the mare was just mean, and the stallion was just dumb, though her ever-expanding Alicorn intelligence suggested the same to her.

They waited some more, and saw a homeless pony wearing a fake cast and sling walking over to the street corner and sitting down, putting up a 'Broken body. Need money for operation' sign. "Liar!" Patty yelled, throwing apples at him until he 'Made a miraculous recovery' and ran off.

They carried on waiting for more jerks...

And then Suri Polomare, the worst pony on the planet, walked past, her poor slave Coco Pommel walking behind her.

"Let the city streets flow with red!" Stroke screamed, hooves spinning like whirlwinds as she threw apples, each one hitting the horrible mare in the face. "Clog the drains with red! Let it pool up around their necks! Make them CHOKE ON IT!"

"You go, mare!" Snowy encouraged, throwing apples at the stunned fatty's flank.

"HOW'S THIS TASTE?!" Patty shouted, throwing one apple so well it hit her coffee cup, spilling stupid, expensive, smelly, disgusting coffee all over her and making her smell even worse. And also giving her horrible third degree burns.

"Nice shot!" Sky laughed, hoofbumping her.

"Check this out." Patty said, pulling out her spatula and baking the apples, causing Suri to become stuck to the spot, coated in apple pie.

"Woah, you're a great fry cook!" Sky said.

"Yeah!" Patty cheered.

As her friends laughed and threw more apples at the stuck jerk and any more who wandered past, and Coco Pommel started to catch some apples so she could throw them at Suri herself, Sky smiled. Her friends may not have been perfect, but neither was she. And she liked her friends.
> Chapter 10
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sky Stormer teleported into Princess Celestia's room, and saw the other Alicorns, and Twilight's friends. "Hi." Sky said nervously.

"You did not destroy one of my windows." Princess Celestia noticed.

"Uh... yeah..." Sky said, scratching the back of her head.

"While you were gone, I trust you were behaving in a manner acceptable for an Alicorn princess?" Princess Celestia asked.

"Eeeyep." Sky said.

"Totally." Patty said.

"The most acceptable manner of all." Snowy said.

"I like apples." Stroke said happily.

"Regardless... We have narrowed down some acceptable candidates for your guard, given that unlike us, you have a reason for them." Princess Luna said.

"I wasn't exactly liked at first, but it wasn't this bad!" Princess Twilight said.

"What gives?" Rainbow asked.

"It's because you six are heroes, and... I'm not. I'm just a nobody." Sky said sadly.

"Relax! Eventually, your assassins will die of old age. And then, there will only be the offspring of bitter old fools to send assassins after you. But if all goes well, they'll come to love you, or run out of money after hiring enough assassins, and if not, you can try again next generation." Celestia said. It was like generations were just days to her.

"Um... I don't think Sky can wait that long." Stroke said quietly.

"She can, but thy friends can not." Princess Luna said. Sky always thought Luna was cuter than Celestia. She felt her Alicorn body acting up again, and started to get nervous.

"I'm curious. Have you ever felt strange feelings upon becoming an Alicorn?" Princess Celestia asked.

"YES." Sky yelled, wings flying out, sending gusts of wind around the room.

"Dang, girl! Nice wings!" Rainbow Dash said.

Sky squeed and passed out. 

Patty rolled her eyes, and kicked her in the cutie mark, making her wake up.

"Regardless... Perhaps, your guards may be able to help you." Princess Celestia said.

Snowy's head burst like a balloon, and a new one grew in its place. She opened her mouth her tongue extended, a second head forming on the tip, which yelled "THEY'LL WHAT?!"

"Hey, I can do that too!" Pinkie realised.

"Sweet Celestia... There's two of them." Twilight whispered in fear.

"Argent?" Princess Celestia asked.

"You called?" A red Unicorn with an orange mane, yellow eyes asked, leaping gracefully out of Sky's mane somehow. He looked like a cute kid, younger than Sky, even though he'd have to be older than Sky to have finished Royal Guard training, and his armour was gold with red highlights.

Sky screamed.

"Hey, I can do that too!" Pinkie realised.

"Screaming?" Rainbow asked.

"No, this!" Pinkie yelled, jumping out of Rainbow's mane and making her scream.

"My princess!" Argent shouted, throwing himself at Sky Stormer's hooves, tail stiffening. He suddenly started talking extremely fast. "I will serve you and love you and protect you and be everything a guard should be, for I am a Royal Guard! No monster shall ever separate me from your side, unless I have to go hit it with a sword or something in which case sure, I'll totally separate, BUT ONLY FOR THAT, and then I'll be right by your side, where I was always meant to be!"

"Huh?" Sky asked.

"I would die for you." Argent whispered breathily, eyes sparkling.

"Uhhhhhhhh..." Sky said.

"Twice." Argent declared. "No, THREE TIMES! NO, SEVEN TIMES! NO, TEN MILLION TIMES!"

"There's... three of them?" Twilight whispered, fear in her eyes.

Patty laughed.

"He's rather cute." Snowy said.

"I like his sword." Stroke said.

"Argent is the most powerful, determined, and... devoted... of my Royal Guard." Princess Celestia said. "And now, he is yours."

"The others wanted to get rid of me, because I'm so awesome I make them look lame, because I can kick all their butts and I put in more effort than any of them, even though I'm no fancy rich pony and I'm not a noble. So now I'm working for you instead. But I don't care. I'm just happy to be helpful!" Argent said happily, hugging her leg like a dog.

"Uh... Where are my other guards?" Sky Stormer asked.

"This is the only one you need. My guards and Luna's once tried to team up in the training field to take him down a peg. He crushed every last one so quickly, the fight was over before we'd finished half our popcorn." Princess Celestia said.

"I live to serve!" Argent said happily, getting off her leg and bowing to his new princess. 

"Awesome!" Patty said happily.

"Also... I was hoping you would be interested in a certain meeting with me." Princess Celestia said.

"A date?" Patty asked, surprised.

"Say yes!" Snowy shouted. "Maybe she has a brother!"

"I do, and he's married." Twilight said.

"Maybe he'll dump her and marry me instead!" Snowy said hopefully.

"To ME." Princess Cadence said as Princess Celestia ate popcorn. Patty laughed.

"...He's a very lucky stallion." Snowy said sadly.

"Oh, yes." Princess Cadence said.

"By the way... Patty, certain nobles with spies have told me you have enslaved a donkey's offspring, just to spite him, using my Sister's Royal Guard as breeding stock. Is that true?" Princess Celestia asked.

"Nnnope." Patty said.

"Good, because my royal guard would make much better breeding stock." Princess Celestia said.

"WHAT?" Snowy asked in shock, voiding what should never be voided in front of Alicorns.

"Aren't they all incompetent?" Sky wondered. Snowy hid herself behind Patty.

"I don't promote them for their skills on the battlefield." Princess Celestia said as she smirked.

Everypony wondered what she'd just said, and then Snowy screamed like she'd been electrocuted, fainting. And then she woke up in disgust upon realising she'd landed in a puddle of her own... 'void'.

"Moving on... Aren't they all male?" Patty asked.

"Most of them. Others only look like it, and others pack a little extra." Princess Celestia said happily.

"Cool!" Patty said happily while Snowy started crying.

"What's up with her?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I had... in my mind... such a lovely image! A picture of Canterlot life, and those who lived there! The beautiful elite, in their amazing gowns... The artists and singers and even the fancy ponies who only lived to make stuff popular! And The Princesses, who rule over Equestria and are above the failings of the pony condition. But now... I have seen horrible, ugly ponies in pretty dresses and makeup that cannot hide their ugliness send assassins after my best friend out of jealousy, and myself and my other friends out of spite! And every time I think of the Princesses, I'll just see four... four... jokers! Jokers joking, for ever and ever and ever!"

"And ever?" Pinkie asked.

"No, dear, just three evers, they're not that bad. BUT THEY'RE TERRIBLE COMPARED TO WHAT I THOUGHT THEY WERE!" Snowy cried.

Sky cast a cleaning spell on Snowy, and hugged her friend tightly until she stopped crying.

"Oh, that's hardly fair." Rarity said. "Come now, darling, is that really what you're so upset about?"

"Yes." Snowy said sadly.

"A pretty lie that can be shattered by the truth is uglier than any sin." Princess Celestia said wisely.

"So... it's... a... a good thing that... I know you're... not all that?" Snowy asked.

"Yes. Nopony in the world is perfect." Princess Celestia said.

"Except me." Patty said arrogantly. Everypony except Fluttershy laughed at her until she became sad. Argent had a weird laugh, it was a merry "YEEEHEHEHEHEHEE!".

"Now... I was hoping that all of you would become friends. Split up, and have fun!" Princess Celestia said.

"There are six of us and four of them. Five if you count Argent. How is this gonna work?" Twilight asked.

"Figure it out. You have one hour, and I expect a report from Twilight and each of her friends at the end." Princess Celestia said.

"I'll make you proud, Celestia." Twilight said. "Come on, girls! Let's go have some fun!"
	
> Chapter 11
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight and Sky went together, because they were Alicorns. Rainbow decided she liked Patty, and Pinkie wanted in on that. As a fellow artist, Rarity decided to go with Snowy and Stroke. Applejack and Fluttershy were hoping to wait until the end and go with whoever was left, but they decided to go along with Rarity and Argent to even things out.

The three artists decided they'd go to an art exhibition, and Applejack and Fluttershy decided they'd rather be anywhere else but there, going along with Rainbow's group. Rarity complained about feeling alone, and whispered to Applejack that she really didn't want to be left alone with Stroke. Sighing, Applejack went with Rarity.

Rainbow's group had no idea what they were doing, until Patty had a brilliant idea: Go to Open Mic Night at some random bar and see what happens. And then they told Sky to do a poetry reading there, and after half an hour of yelling and begging, they finally got her to agree to perform.

And so, two out of three groups found themselves in one nightclub, as a comedian pony walked on stage. The comedian was yellow, and had white and red clown face paint on. Twilight and Sky sat together in a front-row seat while getting drinks on the house, because they were Alicorns. Rainbow sat with Patty and Pinkie elsewhere in the crowd's left side, eating free peanuts while sipping fancy martinis Sky paid for.

"Are you ready for a show?" The comedian pony asked into his microphone.

"You know who was ready last night?" Patty yelled. "Your mother!"

"Oh no." Sky whispered, head in her hooves as the crowd laughed.

"What's wrong?" Twilight asked.

"They're doing the thing." Sky said sadly.

"Haha, it's great that we have some comedians in the house. But can we save it for when it's your turn?" The comedian asked. "And now, for our first act... Giggling Gallop, a comedian he can make anything funny!" 

The crowd of ponies laughed and cheered as a green stallion with a yellow mane and an arrow-head-thing walked on stage, giggling. "Alright, who's hungry?" He asked.

"Your mother!" Patty yelled.

Giggling Gallop laughed. "I guess I walked right into that one. Now, who's ready for some laughs?"

"Your mother!" Pinkie Pie shouted.

"Great, now she's doing it." Twilight said sadly.

Giggling Gallop laughed. "Yeah, alright. Now, give me a scenario."

"Seven eleven!" Patty shouted, the date the Changeling Siege of Canterlot happened.

Everyone was quiet.

"Alright, how about something... less recent?" Giggling Gallop asked uncomfortably.

"Adolf Hoofler!" Patty yelled.

"We're getting a lot of requests from this side. How about something from the beautiful mares in front?" Giggling Gallop asked, the spotlight moving to Twilight and Sky.

It took them a moment to realize he was talking to them.

"Um..." Sky said.

"Well, haha, uh..." Twilight said.

"I, uh..." Sky said.

"Books?" Twilight asked.

"Birds?" Sky asked at the same time.

They looked at each other, and back at the comedian.

"Books?" Sky asked.

"Birds?" Twilight asked at the same time.

"Let's give it up for our Princesses, everypony!" Giggling Gallop said sarcastically, and everypony laughed at them. "Our latest Princesses, hot out of Celestia's bedroom. And if you thought they'd help get stuff done... HA! They can't even agree on what they want me to make fun of!"

Sky felt awful, and flew away, sending tables flying. "Sky!" Twilight yelled, flying after her.

"Oh, no, the Princesses are gone! Whatever shall we do? Oh, right, the same thing we always do. Work!" Giggling Gallop said, making the crowd laugh.

"I don't like him any more." Pinkie Pie said.

"I guess working at night runs in the family!" Patty shouted.

"Yeah, enough with the Your Mom jokes. They're not funny." Giggling Gallop said flatly.

"Then they're perfect for you, jackass!" Patty shouted.

"Uh... I'm an Earth Pony, and I find that term offensive." Giggling Gallop said. "Then again, I bet jackasses wouldn't be too happy at being called Earth Ponies!"

The crowd laughed, and Patty grit her teeth. "Any ideas on how to beat him?" Pinkie asked.

"I don't know, Sky usually does the thinking. I just do whatever my gut tells me, and right now, it wants to beat his out of him." Patty said.

"I have an idea." Rainbow said, walking over to the right side.

"So, anypony here from Trottenham?" Giggling Gallop asked.

Everypony was quiet.

"GOOD!" Giggling Gallop laughed, and so did the crowd. "But seriously, seriously... is anypony here a Changeling? I tell ya, there's a reason why those bugs have so many holes. And Zebras, do we have any Zebras in the audience?"

Some Zebras cheered.

"Wow, you even sound dumb when you cheer. What else have we got. Are there any Seaponies in the audience?"

Nopony cheered.

"Of course not, they don't exist! Just like Princess Celestia's diet! Have you seen her flanks? Forget Princess Mad-Eye Moody, I think we all know who the real Princess of the Moon is."

Everypony laughed.

"And what about that new Alicorn? Sky Stormer? Her wings are so big, I'm amazed she could fit through the door! Then again, I hear she's so slow, she wouldn't miss much anyway! Now, somepony, give me a famous celebrity."

"Discord!" Rainbow shouted.

"Great! Who's he with?" Giggling Gallop asked.

"Your mother!" Pinkie yelled. Everypony laughed.

"Come on, I'm trying to make a comedy here." Giggling Gallop complained.

"No you're not! You're just insulting random people!" Pinkie yelled. "You're the worst comedian ever!"

"No, you are." Giggling Gallop said.

Pinkie got dangerously angry, her eyes turning red. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

Pinkie jumped over to him, and there was suddenly a frying pan in one hoof and a whisk in the other. Her pan hit his mini-stallions, her whisk hit his head, and he hit the ground when she threw him out of the building with what some would call a Suplex.
	
> Chapter 12
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sky Stormer and Twilight Sparkle entered the building in time to see the crying comedian get thrown out while Pinkie did wrestling moves to security guards trying to throw her out.

"Stop!" Twilight said, and the guards bowed to her.

"Wasn't that a great show? All part of the show, folks." A pony said, coming onto the stage, and everypony quickly moved on. "Next up, we have a song from... Sky Stormer?"

"That's you!" Twilight realized.

Sky got nervous. "Um... do I have to go up there?"

"If you want to keep being a Princess, yes." Twilight said flatly.

Sky thought for a moment. "Okay, I'll do it." She said nervously.

"After this, there won't be a dry seat in the house!" Patty said excitedly.

"She's that good?" Rainbow asked.

"Oh yeah." Patty nodded. "If she wasn't so shy, she'd be a rockstar by now. Back home, she did open mic nights, too. She was so good, she got crowds of DOZENS. Still, this is the biggest crowd she's ever had. I reeeeally hope she doesn't freak out and cry and wet herself this time."

"She did that once?" Pinkie asked.

"Yeah, on her History report. I went to Cloudsdale, too. I... kinda remember her. Not that well, but I remember her."

The Alicorn walked on stage, and tapped the mic. It echoed loudly.

"Put on some clothes!" A stagehoof said, so she went backstage. She looked through the costume boxes, got some blue fabric, and made a beautiful light-blue dress. She put it on and enchanted it to flow like a gentle wind was blowing, allowing ponies to see her hooves and flanks. She put blue eyeliner on her eyes, and gave one eye a blue tornado around it. She enchanted her mane to flow like Princess Celestia's, making it look like a clear midday blue sky on a windy day. A magic spell gave her hooves and body ocean-blue and gold lines, like Twilight and the others when they used Rainbow Power. She'd seen them in the newspapers, and she wanted to be beautiful like them. Finally, to make her unusual eyes more vibrant, she cast a spell to make them glow, just a little. She was done being afraid of her weird eyes. She was ready to be proud of who she was.

She gasped as she looked in the mirror, and saw that in her star-shaped black pupils... smaller white stars started to shine.

She looked at a bunch of guitars, and even though there were some amazing electric guitars, and one epic one with a flamethrower attached to it, she picked the simple wooden one. She went on stage and saw the crowd gasp... And she started to play and sing.

The clear blue sky
No clouds today, no stars tonight
Just clear blue skies
Flying free, feeling delight

I have wings, but what good are they?
My heart's weighed down with regrets
The pain stabs my heart every day
Pain I wish I could forget

The light on the horizon
Seemed brighter long ago
If I don't keep on dreaming
Then I will never know

The clear blue sky
No clouds today, no stars tonight
Just clear blue skies
Flying free, feeling delight

Like stormy clouds eventually break
I wish that I would not make
The same mistake...

I wish we could fly
No one to judge, no one to hate
We'd all fly so high
Wouldn't it be great?

In the clear blue sky
Above the world we share
In our clear blue sky
Flying everywhere

In the clear
Blue
Sky

The crowd cheered for her and clapped, and one mare threw her clothes onstage. She threw them back in embarassment, and shyly smiled.

"We love you, Sky!" Patty shouted as Pinkie cried and Rainbow Dash clapped.

"That was beautiful, Sky." Twilight said.

"Thank you." Sky said, starting to cry. "Thank you all!"

"It's happening!" Patty yelled, forming talons of fire and grabbing her, to the Alicorn's surprise, and pulling her out of the stage and into the street, where she broke free of the grip with a stretch of her wings. She went back into the building to glare at Patty, who wet herself in fear.

Sky noticed this, and... just stared at her, not knowing what to do. When she was done, the Alicorn left awkwardly.

The crowd cheered anyway, to Patty's embarrassment, assuming this was also part of the show.
> Chapter 13
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What do you think of this one, Applejack?" Snowy asked in delight as she looked at all the incomprehensible art and suited jerks around her.

"Uh... It's a painting of a ship." Applejack said flatly.

"What my friend means to say is... It's a beautiful painting of a ship." Rarity said happily.

"I like this one." Stroke said, looking up at a big poster of an angry stallion as big as Celestia fighting off a foal army. An army... of foals.

"Whaaaaa?" Applejack asked in confusion.

"I like this one!" Snowy said happily as she looked at a giant ice crystal that looked like a snowflake.

"How lovely!" Rarity said happily.

"It's frozen." Applejack said flatly.

"I like this one." Snowy said, looking at art of a frozen pony with frostbite.

"He's frozen, too." Applejack said flatly.

"It's very... unique." Rarity said, disturbed.

As Stroke and Snowy gushed over a beautiful wintery display of a pack of wolves eating one of their own, Applejack and Rarity moved closer together.

"I should have gone with Rainbow." Applejack whispered.

"Too late, we're with them now." Rarity said. "And we're supposed to write a report for the Princesses about them."

"Easy. Snowy likes art, rich stallions, and frozen stuff, and Stroke's nuttier than a stallion with squirrels in his mane and pants in march. An'a hate both." Applejack whispered.

"Applejack! Come now, be more polite and considerate-" Rarity said.

"Stroke's makin' goo-goo ayes at the wolf getting eaten." Applejack said flatly.

"Yes, she... is a little... odd." Rarity said carefully. "But the other mare seems quite nice, save her romantic delusions about the upper crust."

Applejack stared at her, much like Spike once did.

"If you want, we can take them to a place we might enjoy." Rarity offered.

"Like what?" Applejack asked.

"An art gallery with nothing quite so... tacky." Rarity said, looking at a clay sculpture of a filly with an icicle in her head.

"Hi." Stroke said, suddenly appearing under Rarity. She screamed and fell over.

"What were you doing down there?" Applejack asked.

"Waiting for the right time. I... I didn't want to disturb you." Stroke said shyly.

"It's a bit late for that." Applejack said flatly.

"Applejack!" Rarity gasped.

"I love you both very much." Stroke said, turning her head down. "You're heroes, and you saved Equestria a bunch of times. I'm nothing compared to you."

"Why, that isn't true at all!" Rarity said. "Everypony has their own part to play in Equestria, and I'm sure you have yours."

"I'm an aspiring artist." Stroke said shyly.

"'Aspiring'? Pish-posh. If you can make art, you ARE an artist. And it doesn't matter what some snooty Canterlot flank-licker pretends to think, any artist that doesn't create utter trash or sell out to appease fools with more money than sense IS a true artist." Rarity said.

Stroke stared at Rarity with dilated pupils, and grabbed her in a bear hug that crushed her.




"And that is how I became the bed-ridden monstrosity you see before you." Rarity said weakly to her friends as she sat up in her hospital bed, a gown on.

"Rarity, the doctors healed your spine three hours ago." Twilight said flatly.

"Yes, well... I like it here." Rarity said.

"Rarity, you were in the hospital for two minutes. That's how long it took a healer to get to you." Twilight said flatly.

"And it was a traumatic and stressful two minutes. I need time to recover." Rarity said.

"Rarity, they need this room for actual patients." Twilight said flatly.

"I've got her." Sky said, stretching her wings and sending gusts of wind through the room. 

"Wait!" Rarity said in horror.

Sky swung her wing and sent Rarity flying into the air, and she jumped up to catch the flying Unicorn, resisting the urge to spike her into the ground like a hoofball.

"Woah, nice catch!" Rainbow said, impressed.

Sky's jaw dropped. HER IDOL WAS COMPLIMENTING HER! "Thanks, I caught her myself." She said awkwardly, wings getting hard and awkward as she fell to the ground, landing on Rarity.

A blue stallion doctor with a light blue mane and white labcoat opened the door, and saw all the ponies, including Sky on top of Rarity. They recognized him as Doctor Cold. "Yeah, we're all happy to be alive, but can you do this somewhere else?" He said grumpily, closing the door.

Sky passed out from embarassment, her heavy Alicorn body falling on Rarity.

"My spine!" Rarity screamed.

They heard the doctor outside groan. "Not again! That's it! No more visitors for this one! All of you, out!"

"Hey, that's two Princesses of Equestria you're talking to!" Rainbow Dash yelled.

"And I'm the Prince of Medicine and Making Ponies Not Die! BITE! ME!" Doctor Cold snapped, slamming the door open and glaring at her, eyes ice-cold.

Rainbow goat-fainted from the waves of fury he was giving off like a torch, to everypony else's surprise. It was like The Stare, but so much worse, and the useless water thing near Rarity's bed started to boil from the force.

He walked away, leaving the door open so the other ponies could take Rainbow Dash and Rarity and run, Sky using a healing spell to fix Rarity's back as the white Unicorn rested on the Alicorn's back. Pinkie Pie laughed and hopped onto Applejack because she could, and they all ran out of the hospital and to the hotel Sky lived in, hoping the assassins will be gone by now.
> Chapter 14
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

They weren't.

The surprisingly fast Argent picked up one assassin by the throat and hit another one with him. Twilight Sparkle lasered off the limbs of magical stone golems, and Patty melted their glowing gem cores into liquids.

Sky watched the fight and barely needed to lift a wing under the cold moonlit sky. Which was good, because Twilight warned her that putting too much Alicorn magic into her wings would result in her permanently altering the planet's climate and take weather ponies generations to fix, and Equestria couldn't afford that to happen to Canterlot. Laser blasts and kicks to the face, on the other hoof, were fine. Sky felt odd using her martial arts skills against assassins instead of her wings, but her Earth Pony strength had definitely been awakened, and shattering rock and diamond felt as easy as breaking crisps.

She spun and kicked into one, and then kicked another up into the air, where a flap of her wings sent him flying into the bolt fired by an assassin bow. Another flap of her wings sent the shot fighter back into the tower the assassin was firing from, her horn starting to glow blue. An explosion spell was cast on the assassin, and when he crashed through the window his partner was firing from, the spell exploded and took them both out.

Rarity made a shield out of gems to protect the non-combatants, but when everypony else decided to fight, the gem wall was shattered and turned into a deadly anti-assassin weapon. Her eyes easily picked up those sneaking up on the other fighters.

Rainbow kicked an assassin in the face and punched another one, and when one flew down at her, she moved and he hit the ground, breaking several ribs. She kicked him for good measure, and an assassin snuck up behind her, ready to backstab her. Pinkie Pie jumped out of his mane, breaking out of his blue hood and snapping his neck. Rainbow turned around in time to see Pinkie happily grin at her, and the two hoof-bumped.

"It was an honour to fight for you." Argent said to Sky as he bowed and his magic snapped two assassin necks at once, the last ones around for miles.

"Um... no problem." Sky said, embarassed.

"Well, this was a great first date." Patty joked.

"This wasn't a date, silly billy!" Pinkie Pie said, poking her face. Patty glared at her like she wanted to burn her, and Pinkie Pie laughed at her. "Angry pony!"

"Well, um... I hope Princess Celestia likes what she reads." Sky said nervously. "And... I really liked spending time with you."

"Thank you." Twilight said.

"My favourite part was when Pinkie Pie trashed a bad comedian." Patty said. Pinkie grinned to a fellow joker.

"She what? I wish I'd been there to see that!" Snowy said.

"And I sung." Sky said quietly.

"Really? You're a great singer, sweetie. Could you sing for us later?" Snowy asked.

"Ok." Sky said shyly.

"Bye! Have a lovely evening!" Twilight said, walking over to Celestia's castle to deliver her report.

"So... what do you think of Sky?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"You wouldn't think she's Alicorn material, but... she is. She's modest, loyal, kind, generous, honest, fun, and exactly what this country needs in a ruler. I'm surprised she hasn't saved the world yet, but if she's spent her life in a boring town, it would explain things. She's smart, too." Twilight said.

"So... is she smarter than you?" Rainbow asked.

"Nope." Twilight said confidently.

"What do you think of her friends?" Rainbow asked.

"They're crazy." Twilight said bluntly. "But they're also good friends that care deeply about her. I'm not too sure about a certain one of them, though."

"Stroke?" Rainbow guessed. "She's too cute, the cute ones are always crazy. I bet she does taxation."

"That's taxidermy, but it's just as illegal."

"Whatever."

"Also, what? Stroke is adorable. Don't be stupid. I don't trust Patty. Even if being friends with a Princess does make you immune to the law - why do you think you're not in Tartarus for messing with Winter? - she seriously pushed it with what she did to that Donkey. I don't trust her, and she seems like a bad influence on Sky. And you know how Princess Celestia feels about bad influences."

"Yeah." Rainbow Dash said sadly. "Do you think she's going to the sun, or moon?"

"Can you not?!" Twilight asked angrily. "She can't even do that any more without the Elements of Harmony!"

"I know, I'm just messing around." Rainbow said happily.

Twilight groaned.
> Chapter 15
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Daring..." Sky whispered as she held her pillow tighter. As silently and slowly as a snake, a stallion got on top of her. "You're so..."

She smelled him and grumpily opened an eye, and saw Argent smiling at her, right in her face, to her shock. "Good evening, Princess. Did you sleep well?" He asked merrily.

Sky regretted being a Princess and Argent regretted everything he had ever done as her wings pomfed and blasted him through the wall, flying away like a frisbee over Canterlot and into Ponyville.





"And that is how I became the bedridden monstrosity you see before you." Argent told Sky as they walked through Canterlot Castle together, her servant walking backwards in front of her and sweeping the floor with his tail. His idea, not hers, though his desire to serve her could not be swayed.

"You're literally walking with me right now." Sky said flatly.

"I know." Argent said happily. "I know healing spells. But your Babylon friend said it, and I like saying it."

"Whatever. Let's just find out why we've been summoned to the Princesses, which noble rat needs their flanks kicked, and go home." Sky said.

"You seem grumpy. Did someone poison your drink?" Argent asked. "Did someone hit you with a curse?"

"No, Alicorns are curse-immune, don't be stupid. I'm grumpy because a crazy pony decided 'Sure, it's okay if you guard my door while I sleep, that's kinda sweet' meant 'Mount me in my sleep'." Sky said flatly.

"HOW DARE HE! That craven knave... Give me a name, and I'll skewer him!" Argent shouted enthusiastically.

Sky laughed. "I'd like to see that."

"I beg, tell me his name!" Argent begged.

"It's you." Sky said flatly.

"A pony named You?" Argent asked. He gasped like a filly, eyes shrinking. "Or a pony from Japrance named Yu?"

"IT'S YOU, YOU IDIOT!" Sky yelled. And then she gasped. "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Me?" Argent gasped.

"Um... Yes." Sky said.

"But I made sure I guarded you all night, and woke you up on time with a bright smile and bushy tail!" Argent said happily. "How could I have done that if I was busy guarding you?"

"...We'll talk about this later." Sky said as they entered Celestia and Luna's room. Celestia and Luna were there. Sky's friends, Twilight's friends, and Twilight were also there. "What's the sitch?"

"My ponies... today, we face a threat to Equestria. A threat far greater than any we have ever faced before..." Princess Celestia said.

"Changelings?" Sky guessed.

"Tirek?" Twilight guessed.

"Tirek working with Changelings?" They guessed together.

"No... One far m-"

"The baby of Tirek and Queen Chrysalis?" Pinkie guessed.

"...One far more deadly." Princess Celestia said. "One whose presence can ruin lives."

"I know whose presence ruins lives! MY MOM!" Patty shouted.

Everyone was quiet for a moment as patty got sad. Snowy patted her.

"What is it?" Sky asked. 

"Obesity." Princess Celestia said.

Sky gasped, and Twilight laughed. "Good one, Princess Celaugh-stia!"

"It's Trollestia." Sky said.

"She doesn't like being called that!" Twilight said.

"It's alright." Princess Celestia said. "She's a Princess now, and we may call each other whatever we please... Isn't that right? Sky Storm-butt."

Sky gasped. "Princess Celestia... What did you just call me?"

"Verily, thou art... a butt-face!" Princess Luna declared.

"I... I can't believe this is happening." Sky said quietly. It was like Princess Celestia was insulting her childishly to her face... except that's exactly what was happening! She couldn't think of any clever metaphors because IT WAS HAPPENING!!!

"You know who can't believe anything? Twilight! She needs factual evidence before she can believe anything at all!" Luna said.

"What's wrong with that?" Twilight asked.

"...Nothing at all, tis to be admired." Luna said sadly. "Forgive me, it seems I'm a little rusty after not talking to anypony for a thousand years. Due to being on-"

"ON THE MOOOOOOOONAAAAAHHHH." Princess Celestia groaned. "I don't know why you're always complaining about that, you're the one with the moon on their flanks. Rainbow Dash lives in a cloud, and you don't see her complaining."

"Thy flanks are practically moons in their own right, sister!" Princess Luna shouted.

"Yes, rock-hard and stared at by countless stallions and mares." Princess Celestia said, shaking her rear in Luna's face.

Sky laughed. "I'm dreaming."

"No, tis real." Princess Luna said. "If you were dreaming, would you not dream of something amazing, like Megatron and Optimus Prime getting intimate in the middle of a battlefield-"

"No! Please!" Sky said, but it was too late. Her friends were already laughing at her.

She hung her head miserably.

Twilight patted her on the shoulder, to her shock. "It's alright. One time, I dreamed I was a book, and all the ponies read me and loved me."

"Especially your brother." Princess Luna remembered.

Twilight screamed in rage, and Sky felt a little better. "Thanks, honey." Sky said, hugging her.

"Honey?" Twilight gasped.

"She calls everyone honey." Snowy said.

"She never calls me honey." Argent said sadly.

"Sorry, honey." Sky said, patting him. He squeed.

"Now, for your assignment... something must be done about the horrible crisis that is threatening Equestria. But first, we must go and see a Wonderbolts show."

"You like the Wonderbolts?" Sky asked in surprise.

"NO. Their routines are the same thing time after time every century, speeding things up or including smoke trails won't change a thing. Spitfire is the bluest falcon I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. I look forward to firing her when the time comes." Princess Celestia said grumpily. "But as Princesses, we have certain duties."

"Duties to see a show, and THEN fix the obesity crisis threatening to kill hundreds and ruin the lives of thousands." Sky checked.

"Believe me, I'd much rather fight evil." Princess Celestia sighed. "But sadly, if it doesn't have lasers, claws, horns, or holes, I cannot get away with calling things off to fight it. Sometimes, I envy you ponies, and how you can adventure freely with no responsibilities."

"And sometimes, the ponies that have nothing envy you, and your high-society stuffed-crust fools that decide the fate of lives by being popular and pretty, something anypony can do with enough magic." Sky snarked. "And I'm sure all the dead or dying ponies envy our immortality, too."

Princess Celestia glared at Sky, who did not back down. Princess Celestia smiled. "Congratulations, you passed that test."

"YES!" Patty yelled, hugging Sky. "BEST NEW ALICORN EVER!"

"Okay, let's... uh... go!" Sky said shyly.
> Chapter 16
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wow!" Sky said in awe as the Wonderbolts flew in circles and spirals, their cloud trails forming intricate shapes in the air. She, the other Alicorns (Except Cadence) and their friends - sat in the VIP booth as they watched the Wonderbolts show.

"The ponies of this era... their skills are unmatched." Princess Luna said in shock.

"Last decade's team was better." Princess Celestia said.

"No way! This decade's team is better." Rainbow Dash said.

"Amazing!" Prince Blueblood said as he tried to wrap his arm around Sky, but her wings suddenly stood up and he couldn't reach, his stubby fat arms waving angrily against her wingtips.

The wonderbolts flew some more, making a picture of Spitfire out of clouds, and destroying it with a big explosion.

"They're going to bring on the fat foal next." Princess Celestia suddenly said.

"Huh?" Sky asked.

"Fat mares got together across Equestria to protest how only the fittest and best Pegasi make it into the Wonderbolts." Princess Celestia said. "Thanks to public demand, the Wonderbolts have a new Pegasus, one that didn't have to pass any tests."

"But they're an elite flying squad. That's what elite means." Twilight commented in confusion. "And what'll they do if they don't get their foal in there, blow stuff up?"

"Boycott all sports events." Princess Celestia said.

"Huh?" Patty asked.

"That means they'll never go to see a sports event, and tell their friends to never go to see a sports event either." Snowy explained.

"And that works on some idiots?" Patty asked.

"Only on the dumb sheeponies." Snowy said. "Real fans would still watch, and die-hard fans would still watch if an apocalypse happened."

"If you were told an organization was evil, would you support them?" Princess Celestia asked.

"Of course not. But the Wonderbolts aren't evil! They just only accept the fastest fliers into their Wonderbolt Camp, and train them to make them good enough to be a Wonderbolt. And if somepony tried telling me that was evil, I'd laugh at them!" Patty laughed. "They're obviously just saltier than their tears over how they can't get in. The wonderbolts are cool. Even though they're not as cool as wrestling!"

Snowy groaned.

"I hope Blue Bomber wins the belt. He's amazing." Patty sighed.

"Isn't he a villain?" Stroke asked.

"Sure, but it's all part of the fun." Patty said.

"You know those ponies are just actors, right?" Snowy asked.

"The losers in your dumb musicals are actors. Wrestlers are so hardcore, they need their fights to be scripted so they don't destroy the planet! And there ain't no way to fake falling off a ladder." Patty said as Twilight whispered something in Sky's ear.

"That doesn't matter. Look, who cares if some losers decide they want nothing more to do with sports?" Snowy asked.

"Sadly, money talks. And negative press talks more. That army of fat mares has a chokehold on most things, especially the press. When some sheeponies think something, the newspapers tell them to think otherwise." Princess Celestia said sadly. "And if I put my hoof down and threaten to burn any newspaper that trades their dignity for money while suckling up to those fat mares, I get another hundred years of bad PR."

"I wish Obesity was a giant monster you guys could punch to death." Stroke said.

Through the glass, they saw the wonderbolts point to the bleachers as a pony in a ripped blue flight suit too small for her came out of the shadows. Tons of ponies clapped and cheered, and it got quieter when they saw the incredibly fat light-blue foal, fat moms and mares screaming while others murmured in confusion. She was like a pig, with rolls of fat instead of a neck and her Cutie Mark of a thunderbolt flying from a grey cloud was stretched and ruined by her size, fat poking out of the tears in the costume. Her bowlegged hooves waddled her forward, not even able to stand properly thanks to how disgustingly fat she was, and she looked like she was even having trouble breathing. Just standing, and she could still barely breathe. She left big sunken hoofprints in the clouds, too. She waddled to the edge of the cloud base and got ready to take off, her wings looking like tiny winged splinters stuck in her fat flesh. She spread her wings a little more than usual, since she was too fat for her wings to fold properly, and ponies resumed cheering, as if it was amazing she made it this far.

And the fat pony jumped from the cloud, falling like a boulder.

"The Wonderbolts are doing WHAT?" Sky shouted.

"Yep." Twilight said sadly.

"But... this is dangerous! And stupid! She's too fat to fly! She could die out there!" Sky said, genuinely concerned for the poor foal.

"Her parents let her get this fat without doing anything about it. You don't become obese overnight. Do you think they'd care if she died?" Snowy asked.

"Princess Celestia... why are we allowing this?" Sky asked.

"The ponies of Equestria must see what their obesity is doing to them." Princess Celestia stated. "If it helps, you should know her name is Raindrop, and her mother's name is Rainstorm. Her father left the family in disgust many years ago. If alimony was not made illegal in this country after years of evil mares abusing the system, he'd likely still be paying for their eating habits. Instead, she had to go out and find a new stallion to latch onto like a parasite. A dirty beta mule."

The wonderbolts flew in a circle as they spun down slowly to catch the pony... and while their rehearsals had them throw her into the air like a ball where Spitfire would catch her, using a football to practice with because the fat mare got out of mandatory practice due to "health problems"... when four strong Pegasi tried to lift her, they found they could not. She dragged down all who caught her, and nopony was strong enough to lift her. She and the Wonderbolts fell closer and closer to the ground beneath them at terminal velocity,  

"ENOUGH OF THIS!" Sky yelled, rushing through the glass and flying out, ignoring how the glass cut her as she flew to grab the fat mare, saving her and the ponies that tried to catch her. The Wonderbolts flew away, and Sky dropped the fat pony down on the clouds, expecting to hear applause.

"You saved me." Raindrop said in surprise.

"BOOOOOOOO!" The crowds shouted.

"You ruined her show!" A thin and lanky mother yelled.

"You ruined THE show!" A normal-looking stallion that wanted to see the fat pony fall yelled.

"She was fine! She was going to fly up and everything would be fine!" A horribly fat pony with three chins shouted, her fat and chins wobbling. "But you ruined her show, and her chance at stardom! Did you get jealous, seeing somepony that EATS get time in the spotlight for a change?"

Ponies started to throw cans and nachos at her, and she blew the nachos back with a flap of her wings, the gust pushing the cloud seats back.

"I'm under attack! Fat ponies are under attack!" The fat pony yelled as other fat ponies freaked out, the others laughing at them until they miraculously calmed down upon realizing nopony was buying it or coming to their aid.

"Citizens of Equestria..." Sky said. "It is good to be healthy. It allows you to live longer, and enjoy life better. You can gallop, swim, fly, LIVE! Even Unicorns can better use their magic when their bodies are healthy. It is NOT good to be SO FAT, you drag others down with you! If I hadn't saved that pony, the Wonderbolts would have either died, or flown away, letting the pony die!"

"And it would have been awesome!" The stallion that wanted her to die yelled.

"This filly is real, and her name is Raindrop." Sky said.

"THAT'S REAL?" The stallion gasped in horror. "I thought it was a new-fangled animasonic! HOW DOES THAT THING EVEN BREATHE?!"

The fat mares gasped.

"Very loudly." Sky said flatly.

The fat mares gasped loudly. Again, nopony really noticed, since they usually had trouble breathing anyway.

"GAAAAAASP!" The fattest mare shouted, one with four chins. She was blue, like Raindrop, and she sunk into the cloud seating by being too heavy for it to support. "How could you say something so horrible to fat ponies? HELP! HELP! WE'RE BEING ATTACKED!"

The ears of beta stallions pricked up, their eyes flashing red for the briefest of moments.

"Ohhhhhhhh nnnnnnno." Princess Celestia sighed.