The Caped Baldy
The day had started normally enough. A nice rich crisp morning in the sleepy little town of Ponyville in the magical land of Equestria, a place of magic and friendship with some peace thrown in for good measure. The princess of friendship as well as the element of magic known as Twilight Sparkle had planned a perfect day out for herself and her friends. In the waking hours or the morning, she would reorder some paper work concerning the opening and ownership of a new bookstore in Ponyville. Around the late afternoon she would pack for a picnic which she and her friends would then eat in White Tail Woods. Then the following evening, she would host a small get together with her fellow princesses.
It had all been planned and perfectly laid out, but what she didn’t account for was what happened in the afternoon. The picnic had been going perfectly well and everything, but then the entire Wood erupted into a massive explosion. Standing before the six mares was none other than Lord Tirek in his full and terrifying glory. The girls attempted to activate their Harmony forms, but it seemed the mad tyrant had accounted for that and took no chances in draining their magic and then capturing them. And the day had been going so well.
*
Ponyville was in quite the state, a massive overcast hung in the air, the ground was dirty and torn up from ponies running in fear, while most buildings had the windows boarded up. Truly the most disappointing sight was that of Princess Twilight’s castle. The once majestic castle was now in ruin, cracks and chips all over it with the windows all but obliterated. The morning came and various faded looking ponies slumped and trudged around their now bleak town, their spirits all but broken. But in the dawning rays of the sun, a shape appeared. Cresting the horizon leisurely strolling into town was the strangest being they had ever seen in their lives. The being had light skin but no hair sans a pair of eyebrows, almost like a hairless monkey.
The being stopped in the middle of town and glanced around with a relaxed and uninterested expression on his face, and surveyed his surroundings. A look of mild bewilderment appearing on its features and now that it was closer; the ponies could tell that it was clothed. Covering its body was a bright yellow jump suit and covering its feet and hands were red boots and gloves respectively. Billowing softly in the morning breeze was a large white cape that was attached to the suit.
“Oh,” the being stated, “This is pretty weird….”
One Pony walked up to the being and gently tugged its pant leg, “excuse me.”
The being turned his head and blinked, “Yes?”
“Are you some kind of super hero?”
The being shrugged, “Actually I’m just a hero for a hobby. Why?”
“We’re in real trouble mister hero…,” the pony started but was stopped when the being raised his hand.
“Saitama,” he stated firmly, “Don’t call me mister, it makes me feel old. Mister Hero also sounds weird, just Saitama.”
The pony blinked, “Mister Saitama,” the one known as Saitama groaned in annoyance at hearing the ‘Mister’, “I don’t know if you know of our plight, but the evil Lord Tirek has enslaved our town and rendered us powerless. Please, if you are a hero, help us and safe the elements of harmony and restore peace to our land!”
Saitama scratched the back of his neck and glanced around, “Well see, that’s the thing. I have no clue where the hell I am or why I came here, that stupid monster hit me with some portal power and sent me here,” he trailed off when he took in the looks of the ponies.
Their big pleading almost puppy dog eyes staring, nay, pleading for his help.
Saitama blinked a few times, “Is this Lord Torchwick really strong or something?”
The pony nodded frantically, “Lord Tirek, but yes he is! He has absorbed the magic of all ponies in Equestria and has become virtually unstoppable! Please, I understand you’re from a different world, but please help us!”
Saitama looked to the side and took in the condition of the town and nodded while planting his fist in his hand, “Alright, I’ll take care of this Lord Trainwreck and rescue the Helmets of Hammory.”
Saitama turned and started to strut in an almost comedic fashion down a street but stopped halfway. Turning back around, he gave a sheepish smile.
“Which way is he?”
*
Lord Tirek boomed loudly with mirth as he looked down at the cotton candy colored mare before him dressed in a jesters outfit doing a rather impressive jig atop a large beach ball.
“Excellent,” he mused, “although…..JESTER!”
Pinkie Pie panted in mild exhaustion but gave a weak smile, “Yes Lord Tirek?”
Tirek waved a dismissive hand, “Your foalish dance bores me, pie the garment mare and the one with the rainbow mane again.”
Pinkie Pie looked over to a large bullseye target that had Rarity and Rainbow Dash strapped to it. Tirek stared at Pinkie with a critical eye as she bit her lip.
“Do it,” he ominously stated, “It will amuse me.”
Pinkie nodded and hefted a pair of coconut cream pies, “Sorry girls.”
Both Rainbow and Rarity nodded in understanding and braced themselves.
The pies flew and splattered the two. While this went on, Applejack and a tearful Fluttershy were preparing an immense feast for their lord. Twilight was currently fixed in a large birdcage with Celestia, Luna, and Cadance. The four monarchs could only watch on in regret as their land was made the plaything of the despicable villain.
Twilight sniffled, “This is terrible….”
Celestia placed a comforting wing around her student, “It’s alright Twilight, I’m sure we’ll be able to think of something. We mustn’t lose hope, otherwise he will truly win. We must all stay strong for Equestria.”
Lord Tirek continued to laugh in mirth at the humiliation. As he did, a figure entered the clearing he had chosen to call his resting place. The caped Saitama observed his surroundings quietly and approached a pony wearing a cowboy hat and tapped her on her withers.
“Excuse me,” he asked, “Are you the Armaments of Lobotomy?”
Applejack jumped a foot in the air and whipped around in surprise and stared at the hero, “What in the hay?! Wait,” she tilted her head, “What did ya call me stranger?”
The hero was tapping his chin, “Was it Lobotomy? Or was it Progeny?”
Applejack blinked a few times but then shook her head as Fluttershy took notice of him, “Listen sugarcube, ah don’t rightfully know who ya are or for that matter what ya are, but right now ya better get steppin. If Lord Tirek catches ya, he’ll tan yer hide faster than ya can say ouch.”
Saitama tilted his head, “Lord…Tirek?”
Applejack pointed behind him, “That feller there with the large horns and bad temper.”
Saitama glanced at the large centaur being, “Woah….he’s huge.”
“Yep,” Applejack stated with a nod, “That’s what happens when ya absorb all the magic in Equestria into yerself.”
Saitama stared at Tirek with a tad more interest, “So he’s strong?”
“Eeyup.”
Saitama nodded and started to walk toward him much to Applejacks shock, “WAIT!”
Saitama then came into full view.
Pinkie stopped throwing pies, “Wowie! Is that a superhero?!”
Saitama stared up at Lord Tirek, “Your Lord Tibet right?”
Tirek glared down at the caped man, “It’s Lord Tirek you worm,” he pointed a massive finger at Saitama, “Who are you creature?”
Saitama blinked at the question, “I’m a hero, and I’m here to beat you so I can find some help in getting home….and save that quant town back there.”
Tirek burst out into laughter.
Everypony watched on as Tirek’s face twisted into a sneer, “You presume too much worm,” he raised a fist above his head and brought it down, “now be squished FLAT!!!”
The force of impact caused a massive explosion of air which knocked everything and everypony over. The birdcage burst open upon hitting the ground; everypony gathered in a group and looked on as Tirek’s sneer grew into a tooth filled smirk of arrogance.
Tirek bellowed in mirth, “A hero? What a joke. No hero, nay, any being can stand up to the great Lord…,” he trailed off in shock when he noticed the crater his fist had left had no remains of the being.
“Whoooooah,” a voice stated near Tirek’s left ear, “the view up here is great. Good thing I got out of the way in time so I could enjoy it with clean clothes.”
Everypony’s eyes stared in bafflement at the being standing perfectly still on Tirek's shoulder and looking at the horizon.
Tirek was aghast, “How?! How did you!”
Saitama glanced at Tirek, “Could you not yell in my ear? Also your breath stinks like a lawnmower.”
Tirek roared in anger and went to punch the man off his shoulder. Saitama was already in the air by the time Tirek’s fist destroyed his afterimage.
“I’ll blow you to pieces!!!” Tirek roared and fired a blast of his magic at Saitama.
Saitama widened his eyes as the energy surged toward him….then he backhanded it into the air, like he was swatting a fly.
Everypony’s jaws hit the floor as Saitama zoomed toward Tirek who could only stare on as he came to level with the tyrant’s chest.
Saitama placed his hand on Tirek and pushed. To most, it was a simple push. But the sheer impact of it sent Tirek rocketing through several mountains leaving various centaur shaped holes as he went, the clouds seemed to split from the sheer force, while trees were ripped up from the magnitude.
Saitama landed perfectly and stared at where his adversary flew and sighed, “What a let down.”
As he turned to leave, a massive shape surged toward him badly beaten and bloodied, it was Tirek fuming and steaming. Saitama, without missing a beat turned around and jumped upwards, his fist connecting with the centaurs chin. Tirek shot into the air with the sound akin to a sonic boom, the clouds swirling and being wrenched upwards. In a flash, an explosion of raw magic rained down on Equestria. The clouds having been moved by the battle parted to let the sun in as magic returned to its rightful owners.
The ponies crowded around the being all voicing their gratitude. Twilight approached the being.
“Thank you so much, you have no idea how great of a service you did,” Twilight then tilted her head in thought, “actually, what is your name?”
“Saitama,” Saitama stated as he pet the pink mare beside him, “And could you help me get home?”
*
In space, a massive chunk of the moon itself had been blown clean off and hurled deep into the vast emptiness.