Now That The Reunion Is Over
From The Desk of Twilight Sparkle
✶
Dear Family, Friends, and Concerned Litigants,
On behalf of the Twinkle-Nebula-Frie-Neutron Family Reunion, I would like to start this letter out with an apology. For starters, when I invited the yearly family reunion to be held at the Castle of Friendship in Ponyville, I had no idea how many of our family’s relatives would actually show up. Normal attendance at our reunion in Fillydelphia has been hovering around double digits for many years now, and I calculated that the castle guest rooms would be able to accommodate the entire reunion and then some. To my surprise, attendance at this year’s 454th reunion exceeded all expectations, coming in at just over four hundred and twelve ponies at the reunion dinner, plus one special guest who I will get to shortly.
A special thanks goes out to Sideshoot, who has taken responsibility for tracking the family tree, and is the researcher who discovered a relative common to three of my friends. Windpipe was a pegasus back in the early days of Cloudsdale who is a relative by marriage to Fluttershy's family. She had three notable offspring: Tweetie, an irrepressible prankster pegasus who we suspect married into the Pie family primarily for the name. Twinkle, the mother of our founding family unicorns. And Twiggy, an earth pony whose offspring would eventually include the Apple family.
Thanks to my friends (and newfound relatives), we were able to house all of the extra relatives who would not fit into the castle on the evening before, however Mister and Missus Cake would like to state their disappointment with whatever guest seems to have rearranged Sugarcube Corner's bakery to match the Fibonacci sequence, and Applejack is still upset at whatever guest was practicing multiplication with her brother, whatever that means. Also Fluttershy would like to pass along a special request to anypony who stayed at her house and happens to notice a number of small silky objects in your luggage, most probably attached by webbing. Please send them back within the next week. To her. Not me.
Due to lack of information of their ongoing feud, I regret that the Nebula and the Neutron branches of the family were housed in the same wing of the castle, although that was no excuse for the midnight graffiti raids from both sides leaving derogatory mathematical formulas on each other’s doors, as well as the breakfast food fight that still has Spike cleaning scrambled eggs out of the curtains. Incidentally, if anybody will claim room 27B as their work, I believe you may have solved the Neighmann hypothesis, if you can recreate the area under the scrambled egg stains regarding the non-trivial zero. Also, we would like to thank whoever fixed the kitchen toaster, and we would appreciate it if you were to send back instructions on how you did it, or even return to demonstrate your technique. The kitchen is now totally filled with toast, and the pressure is growing. Please expedite your reply.
I would like to pass a special apology along to the entire reunion in regards to the arrival of Glar’dohan the Mighty, Spike’s mother. It was entirely my fault that I failed to inform Spike that the reunion was supposed to only be for direct relatives of the four sisters from the original family, and running around while screaming at the top of my lungs and summoning alternate dimensional copies of myself for support during the event probably was not very helpful to the mental state of the rest of the guests. For those of you who were still hiding or fled after her arrival, Missus Mighty did apologize and gave back most of the property which she seized upon breaking through the back wall of the castle and interrupting our reunion dinner. If you are still missing items, please contact Spike with a full description and he will be glad to mail them back to you. Also, if you can find Twilight Sparkle Delta Prime, please notify us at once. She/he is needed back in her/his dimension as soon as possible to stem an invasion of giant ants.
Also, I would like to congratulate the family of Gardenia Giorgi on her new cutie mark, discovered while she and several other young ponies were being cared for by our own Ponyville Cutie Mark Crusaders in their foalsitting service. Under the tutelage of Scootaloo, she discovered a new Closest Spherical Packing method using a hexagonal array in order to maximize the number of grapes that would fit in her mouth, and by coincidence the same process worked in her verification experiment to see the number of young ponies who would fit into the broom closet on the first floor of the Castle of Friendship.
As much as I would like to invite the family reunion back to my castle next year as planned, I have been served with a restraining order prohibiting it, so as a compromise location, I have scheduled next year’s reunion at my brother’s castle in the Crystal Empire. You may have recognized him as the tall stallion in the back of the room who was laughing so much every time something went wrong. In any event, all of us will be more than happy to see you again next year at the 455th reunion.
Bring your family photos.
Sincerely
Princess Twilight Sparkle, Family Reunion President
P.S. Arrive prepared to spoil Princess Cadence and Shining Armor's new foal. The next reunion is scheduled a week after her due date.
P.P.S. Never mind about the comment on Sugarcube Corner's rearrangement. It turns out that it was just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie.
⁽*⁾ NOTICE: The information contained in this mail transmission is intended by Princess Twilight Sparkle for the use of the named individual or transdimensional entity to which it is directed, and may contain certain encrypted or plaintext information that is privileged, confidential, embarrassing, of questionable origin and/or protected from disclosure under applicable laws enforced by Princesses of which I am one so you better watch it, Buster. Any unauthorized viewing such as showing it to my brother, who has received a somewhat different letter, is strictly prohibited, whether by an error in the postal system, transdimensional scrying, quantum entanglement, psychic powers, changeling impersonation, failure to give your mailmare a blueberry muffin at least once a week, or any other means. Not intended as legal advice, for that please contact Quantum Valebant in the Canterlot Courthouse.