The only chapter
Monday October 4th
My name is Crud Hooves and I finally gotten rid of that chicken fever I had. But recently I got a letter from my mom saying "Come see my cats they are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute." I hate cats, they smell, they scratch all over me, and they eat my pancakes. But if I don't go the next time I do see her she's going why didn't ya visit hmm. And she'll ask again and again until I answer, because of ya dam cats. I'll go tomorrow and I swear if one cats lays a paw on one of my pancakes I'm tossing it out of the window, what journal you think that's crazy, your just book ya dam journal, ........ I'm sorry journal I can just get mad some times.
Tuesday October 5th
Seventy-two freaking cats SEVENTY-TWO MOTHER FREAKING CATS. I walk I instantly I trip over a sleeping pile of cats and my mother yells "DONT LET THE CAT OUT SNOOKUMS!" GOD DAM SHE LOUD. Imagine if you will a sound of a siren times lets say seven. She sounds ten times louder then that. My mother then continues to say "You like my new cat?"
I look around and say "Uh witch one?" For a minute it looks like she forgot to. And then I realize something, last time I came to visit she had one cat and now there was several so I asked her. "Say how many cats do you have?"
"Seventy-two." My mother said. WHY DOES SHE HAVE SO MANY CATS. One is nice, two is good, five is manageable and 10 is bit overwhelming. But Seventy-two cats, that's just freaking absurd.
So I told her "Maybe you have too many cats." She looked at me with a smirk.
"There is never to much of a good thing." my mother said. Well I know apple cider is good but to much of it can make you go running through the streets yelling I am king. Too pancakes and ya gonna get fat and explode, learned that the hard way, fed a chicken I bit to much well actually the was kind of funny in a way. And to much money and well you get every five minutes at your door its me your family give me money.
So I told her "No no these many cats no it is not thing, you have seventy," I was interrupted by a cat scratching me so I just kicked him out of the window and continued saying "You have seventy-one cats."
She then said "OH YOUR JUST JEALOUS!" Oh my you have a house that smells like old ponies, cats, and the worst kind if frebreeze. SO JELOUS.
I upright told her "Now I know your not gonna listen to reason so I'm gonna start tossing cats out the the window." the expression on her face was like she was aout to something awful and she liked. I said what are you thinking?"
My mother said quite simply "I'll call over Applejack and say I found your apple thief." OH GOD NO. For ponies that don't know Applejack hates my guts and every other body because I took one stinking apple. YEP one stinking apple, and when she caught me oh my she pounded me like a rain of rocks.
So I told her "DONT CARE!" and started tossing cats out of the door right back down to where there was only one cats. One big fat orange cat. I like that one because its sleeps allot.
She then said "I'm calling Applejack." she smirked.
I smirked back and said "I'll be gone before then." and in comes you9know who, Applejack.
Applejack said "Well Crud how you doing."
OH NO! I feared the worst but I asked my mother "Please don't let her I'll put you in a old folks home if you do."
My mother "KICK HIS ASS APPLEJACK!" Soon after that I got ass handed to me quicker then hell. She hurts me in places I didn't know existed. After that I ran home limping a bit and I have a cofesion I ate seventy-two of her, wait a second! This was revenge! MY GOD I WAS SO BLIND AND STUPID THAT CLEVER BITCH. I love my mom but dam that a total dick move a clever one but dam, total dick move.