Let's Talk About That
"Today we ask the question on everypony's mind: Will It Princess?" Rhett smiled at the camera and confidently slammed a fist to the table as he leaned into the camera, eyebrows furrowed and cheeks widened. With a quick nod to Link, they simultaneously leaned their bodies to the opposite ends of the small room as a pretty purple princess pony pushed her head in between them and beamed, showing her white vegetarian teeth.
"Let's study that!"
"Goooooooooooooooood Magical Morning!" Link leaned back into his seat. "Welcome back to the show, and today we have a special guest," Link beckoned Twilight closer "Twilight Sparkle!". The crew clapped lightly, making the sound resonate throughout the room.
"Hello my little humans! It's so good to be on Earth again, the culture here is overwhelming!" Twilight beamed at the camera, wings tucked neatly on her back.
"Yes, Earth truly is... well, it's different, I'd imagine," Rhett chuckled. "Welcome, we're honored to have you here with us today! Tell me, Twilight, would you care to explain a little about yourself to us, and the audience?" He waved a hand at the camera, which was fixated a few feet in front of the table.
"We've heard a little about Equestria, but it would be really interesting if you told us about it yourself," Link finished, setting his cup down on the table.
Twilight's cheeks became a few shades redder than their normal lavender color. "Oh, please, it's just a nice little nation, that's all. I'm really interested in Earth, though. Your technology and history amazes me! Although it is a bit violent..." Twilight rubbed her left foreleg with her right and looked to the side.
"Now, now, you don't gotta think about our, uh, darker aspects. Tell us about yourself! I've heard that Equestria works a little differently than Earth does, doesn't it?" Rhett prodded her on, poking her wings lightly. "I mean, that's kind of, well, obvious, but you told us something earlier today. Something about, uh, what was it called... magic?"
Twilight's eyes lit up at that. "Yes, magic! Our world is full of it! It's a shame yours seems to be void of it... if I wasn't here with you two I'd be researching why there isn't that much magic here."
Link took a sip from his cup. "Heh, yeah, well, let's not get too ahead of ourselves. So tell me, how does it work?"
"Well... it's based mostly on concentration and faith in yourself. It's pretty hard to explain to non-unicorns, though I'm currently working on a project with my mentor, Princess Celestia, about it. Why shouldn't Pegasi and Earth Ponies have magic if we can craft wings, after all? Well, anyway, our simplest spell is levitation. Every colt and filly is taught it in middle school," Twilight demonstrated, lifting Rhett's cup up to his face.
"Well, we've handled water strangely before. I think this could be a thing," Rhett pondered out loud as he took the cup away from Twilight's magical grasp, setting it back down dangerously close to the edge of the table.
"A thing? What, do you mean magic, or water?" Twilight perked her head to the side, her mouth slowly open and her right eyebrow raised.
"Ahh, it's a human thing. I guess idioms don't carry over dimensions. Speaking of which, your land is different not only in culture, magic, and technological advance, but it has a different government too, right?" Rhett asked as he grabbed a napkin and wiped his mouth and hand off. The magic didn't leave any visible residue, but his hand tingled a little inside.
"Plus, you kind of have a shiny and golden crown on your head," Link added as he pushed his glasses up his nose with his index finger and stroked his hair back with the other hand.
She took her crown off and set it on the table. "Oh, I forgot I was wearing that. Yes, I'm a princess, and there are three others in Equestria, though most of us are just figureheads. Princess Celestia is the one that pulls the strings in the background, while Princesses Luna, Cadance, and I attend public speeches, smile, and nod." Twilight grumbled lightly at the end there. "Why? What is your country's government like?"
Link set his glasses on the table and rubbed his eyes. "Well, we have multiple countries and governments. I'm pretty sure the U.S.A is trying to convert everything into democracy. It's a system where the government is elected by the, uh, the people, and new rulers take place every four or eight years, depending on how many terms the leader serves. I'd say it's a pretty successful system, but it's not perfect,".
"Yeah, but there are other governments too. Some countries are run on a different political system called, uh, communism. Or at least they used to be, I think. It's a system where everyone is equal, there is no government, and no one is superior, but it has its flaws... Twilight?"
Twilight froze in her chair. "N-no-pony is superior?" She lowered her face onto her hooves and groaned. "I knew somepony like that, once. Her methods were against everything we believed in, they were disharmonious. We had to... get rid of her."
"Disharmonious, huh?," Rhett took a sip from his water and faced Twilight.
"Yes." Twilight confirmed, shaking herself out of her little reverie. "In my world, there are six elements of harmony. They're ponies that represent different aspects of friendship. I'm one of them, in fact. We use the magic of friendship to blast everypony we don't like in the face with a painful rainbow lazer beam. Why?"
"I don't think I've ever heard of anything that glorious and majestical in my entire short little life," Rhett widened his eyes and leaned further into his seat, looking off into space, and he pushed his cup a little farther to the edge of the table. "Tell me, does your country have an, um, a queen? Or is it just princesses?"
"Well, there's a prince, but he's even more of a political figure. Hasbro thought that little girls interpreted queens as ugly and evil while interpreting princesses as kind, caring, and sensitive. We've been doing just fine without a queen, though. The one country that did have a queen..." Twilight looked down and closed her eyes. "...It doesn't exist anymore."
Link raised an eyebrow. "That makes perfect sense, actually. Say, uh, Twilight, what do you think would happen if some of these other... "elements of harmony" became princesses?"
Twilight's ears perked up. "... Huh, that's actually a pretty good research topic! I've never even thought of that! It would be pretty interesting if they will become princesses eventually,"
At the mention of the you-know-which word, Rhett and Link slowly faced each other, and smiled at the same time.
"Uh... Rhett and Link? Wh-"
"AND NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME, WILL, IT, PRINCESS?" Rhett & Link sang aloud, their tone of voice wavering at the end of "princess", and an image was burned into the mind of everyone in the room.
The scene shifted, showing Rhett, Link, and Twilight in the same exact positions as before, except for one thing. There was a magical blue box in the middle of the table, and Twilight's face was as surprised as if she had just caught her mom listening to heavy metal.
"What just happened?" She frantically turned her gaze around, trying to get the image of the words "Will It Princess" out of her mind. As she did so, her gaze settled upon the box that lay in the middle of the table. "Hey, it's a magical projector! How'd you get this?" She poked at it with a hoof.
"Anything's possible when you believe in magic and not technology," Link sounded really happy for some reason or another. "Here we have the... uh, the Magical Mysterious Box of Magicness! We put in a pony idea on one side, and a princess version of it comes out the other. Tell us about one of the elements of harmony, Twilight," Link turned to face her, who was chewing at the end of her hoof.
"What the-... Okay." She took a deep breath, thrusting her hoof out from her chest. "Well, there's Pinkie Pie, for one. She's... I can't really describe her that well. To put it simply, she's insane. Her element is laughter, which she realized when she planned a party for her parents out in a quarry, when there was no reason to smile. She loves planning, making, and going to parties as much as she does making new friends. Another thing about her is that she's one of the few users of true magic. I only know how to use spells right now, but Princess Celestia will teach me how to use true magic like Discord's one day," Twilight rambled as Rhett & Link nodded vigorously.
"Yes, yes, I see. Interesting." Rhett said."It's time to find out..."
"Pinkie Pie! Will It Princess?" Everyone chanted at the same time. A wispy trail of magic trailed out of Twilight's mind, and if you looked hard enough you could see that it was made up of memories. Memories full of a certain pretty pink party mare. It withered around, hooking itself to the side of the strange, magical box. It clicked on, and projected an image onto the wall behind them after whirring for a few seconds.
"Wow. That's quite the friend you have there," Rhett deadpanned, looking at the projector with wide eyes. Even Twilight was stunned, her mouth very small in comparison to the huge orbs that were now her eyes, glued to the image.
"What."
"Well, then, I can definitely see myself going to vacation there. It's a great change of pace from the U.S.A," Link added.
"What?"
"Yeah, it seems really interesting! I could bring the kids down there. It looks like, uh, it looks like the type of place that they would enjoy. It's like a bum beach party, but without the bums," Rhett commented, scratching his beard. "You know, it would be a different type of country. A good different. Pinkie here is a ruler that the people would understand!"
"The good thing about her is that she seems like the type of princess that would do what's best for the ponies, she wouldn't act out of self-interest. Who wouldn't want to live there?"
"Yeah!" Link added. "If I could move to Equestria, I'd move as long as she was the princess,".
"What!"
Rhett and Link ignored Twilight and grinned, looking at the camera. They both shouted "Will It Princess? YES!"
Twilight Sparkle slammed her head onto the table, yelping as her horn hit the wooden surface. A hoof went up to hit the area that was now throbbing with magical energy. "This is going to be a long day..."