Two Ponies with Great Chemistry!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE SHIPS PINKIE PIE AND RAINBOW DASH
Twilight Sparkle ground her hoof into her face, the hardened limb coming away with some of the sticky, pink substance as she desperately tried to fathom what she had just heard. Behind her rang out the persistent ‘drip, drip, drip’ of the pink goo dropping off the library branches and plopping into the puddles below. The entire tree was splattered with a sticky, yogurt-like substance that smelled faintly of bubblegum, most of it having burst out from the library’s various doors, windows, and balconies, and explosively covering pretty much everything in a fifty-foot radius, landing in a pattern that resembled a Jackson Paddock painting. The slick, sticky substance seeped out of the windows in slow-moving waterfalls that piled gently onto the ground below. And the interior of the library was so thoroughly flooded that it would surely take at least a week to fully clean out, even with all the magic at Twilight’s disposal. If one were to try and wade in there, the gooey, slippery, sticky substance would surely come up to a pony’s muzzle at least.
And then, of course, there was Twilight herself. When she had come home that day after discussing budget plans for the library’s next year of business, she had been surprised when Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash knocked her over as they barrelled out of her basement laboratory shouting such things as “It’s gonna blow!” and “Hit the deck!” and “We’re all gonna diiiiieeeee!!!!”
Now both she and the library was covered in pink, bubblegum smelling goo. Twilight grumbled as she realized that she was going to have to go and revise her budget plans with the mayor to account for all the books, furniture, and other materials she would surely have to replace.
“I’m sorry, I must have heard you wrong.” Twilight said, tapping the side of her head and disloging a small blob of goo from within her ear. Twilight had mostly managed to clean her coat with her magic, though the substance had stuck firmly into her mane and tail. The pink goop clung there like she had used too much hair gel, staining her mane and tail pink and tangling and poofing them up into something that vaguely resembled Pinkie Pie’s mane if she had a bad case of bedhead. Clearing her throat, she pointedly looked at the decidedly un-goopy Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.
“What...” she repeated, “were the two of you doing in my lab?” She asked tersely.
Rainbow Dash sighed and rolled her eyes casually. “Alright, from the beginning then.”
“This doesn’t taste like bubblegum at all.” Pinkie interjected with a whine. “It smells like bubblegum, but it tastes like cement.”
Rainbow and Twilight both paid her no heed, instead continuing to discuss just what Rainbow and Pinkie had gotten up to in Twilight’s not-so-secret laboratory. The rainbow pegasus coughed embarrassedly and began her tale. “Well, okay, so… Pinkie and I were talking earlier and we realized that we hadn’t pranked you in a while.”
“It’s been four weeks, three days, seven hours, thirty-two minutes, and eleven seconds since your last Dashie Pie prank!” Pinkie chirped.
Twilight’s eyes narrowed as her frown deepened. “Go on.”
Rainbow pointed at the library, still dribbling with the pink. “Okay, now, before I go any further, I just want to say that we totally didn’t mean for that to happen. It was totally an accident.” she insisted, her wings flaring.
“Duly noted.” Twilight said, her expression not wavering in the least. “Keep going.”
Dash took a deep breath and continued. “Alright, so, we didn’t exactly have a plan going in. We had all the essentials with us… whoopie cushions, squirt bottles, sneezing powder, invisible ink, that sort of thing.” She motioned to a discarded saddlebag laying in the street about a dozen feet away. “But we didn’t exactly have a plan. We just figured we’d poke around and come up with something when inspiration struck, you know?”
“You cannot force art!” Pinkie declared, throwing a hoof in the air.
Twilight’s teeth ground as she spoke. “Alright, get to the point, Dash.”
“I’m getting there!” Rainbow protested. “So anyway, we were poking down in your basement because that seemed like a place where we could set up something cool. That’s when we noticed your rad-looking chemistry set.”
Twilight couldn’t help but feel a small burst of pride at Rainbow’s perception of her chemistry set. Indeed, it was a highly complete set that she had been granted by one of her old professors at the School for Gifted Unicorns. The glassware was top notch and it had everything that a pony would need from bunsen burners to pipettes, from scales to lighters. It was a very professional setup and Twilight was quite proud of both it, and the vast array of chemicals she had managed to acquire. Twilight couldn’t help but wonder, though, why Rainbow would find such a thing ‘rad.’ She would have expected her to call it something more along the lines of ‘lame’ or ‘a drag’ and that things like chemistry were for ‘eggheads.’
“The only thing was, it was totally set up all lame and egghead-like.”
Ah.
Rainbow made grand, sweeping gestures with her forelegs. “Everything was all neat and put away all organized! It was nothing like what all the mad scientists have in the comic books!”
Pinkie nodded solemnly. “Yeah, Twilight. You’re a really bad mad scientist.”
Twilight stomped a hoof and snorted. “I am not a mad scientist!” she yelled.
“Suuuuuuure you aren’t,” Pinkie said with a grin and a wink.
“Anyway,” Rainbow Dash said before Twilight could admonish them further, “We were totally looking at your chemistry set and it was all set up so BORING. And then Pinkie here said that we should help you out and make the place feel more mad sciencey by getting all your beakers and flasks and tubes and stuff out and filling them with a bunch of your chemicals!”
Twilight blanched. “You WHAT?!”
“Yeah, Twilight!” Pinkie said, hopping in place. “In the comic books, mad scientists always have their beakers and stuff scattered around and filled with all sorts of chemically goodness! They’ve got greens and blues and reds and purples and even some burgundies!” Pinkie giggled. “Isn’t that a funny word? Burgundy burgundy burgundy!”
“Focus, Pinkie.” Rainbow said. Twilight could only grind her teeth as her scowl deepened further and further.
Pinkie continued without missing a beat. “Anyway, if you want to have a proper mad scientist lair, your flasks and stuff have to be filled with all sorts of pretty chemicals, all smoking and sparking and bubbling and stuff. That way, it has the proper dramatic effect when you turn around with your crazy hair and goggles and shout ‘EUREKA!’ or ‘IT’S ALIIIIIIIIVE!’”
Rainbow nodded. “So we raided your chemical cabinet.”
“You raided my chemical cabinet?!” Twilight shrieked.
Rainbow nodded with a grin. “Sure did! And so we got all your glassware out and started pouring random chemicals into beakers!”
“Girls, don’t you realize how dangerous some of those chemicals are?!” Twilight asked, looking frantic.
“Pshaw, don’t worry Twilight. It wasn’t dangerous,” Pinkie said with a dismissive smile and a wave.
“Yeah, we’re not stupid.” Rainbow said with a snort. “We had the goggles on.”
Twilight’s hair started to smoke a little, though it seemed the goop currently gelling it up into a beehive was keeping it from catching aflame.
“So anyway,” PInkie said, continuing, “We started pouring your chemicals into all the beakers and flasks and stuff...” Pinkie Pie frowned, “...but it turned out your chemicals were all super boring too!”
“Yeah!” Rainbow insisted. “They were all clear! Like water! No greens or blues or purples or burgundies or anything! What’s the deal with that, Twi?”
“Yeah, what’s the deal, Twi?” Pinkie parroted.
“Girls…” Twilight said, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “Most chemicals you’ll find in a cabinet don’t have fancy colors. Most of them are just ordinary looking liquids or powders. That’s part of what makes them so dangerous if you don’t know what they’re doing because a lot of them, no matter what they actually can do, look harmless.”
Rainbow sniffed dismissively. “Well chemists need to up their game and get some neater chemicals then.”
Twilight would have to see Colgate about her teeth later.
“Anyway,” Rainbow continued, “so after we realized that your chemicals were all, like, SUPER boring, Pinkie had an idea.”
Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. “Yep yep yeppers! I said to Rainbow, I said ‘Hey Dashie, what if mixing the chemicals makes the colors appear’” Pinkie said, strangely enough putting on an exaggerated voice to imitate… herself.
Rainbow smiled. “And I said, ‘Pinkie, you’re a genius!’” Okay, now Rainbow was doing it.
“And I said, ‘No I’m not, I’m a chicken!’” ...what?
“So we started mixing the chemicals together.” Rainbow said. “Just pouring beakers into other flasks, and tubes into other tubes. We didn’t really keep track of anything we just mixed everything around into everything else.” Twilight felt her hooves shaking.
“It didn’t work.” Pinkie said with a sad frown.
Rainbow shrugged. “Well, to be fair, it sorta did,” she said casually. “It made them smoke and bubble and spark and everything, but it didn’t make them change color.”
“But the colors are what make it look coooool…” Pinkie whined.
“Girls,” Twilight took another deep breath, desperately doing everything she could to keep calm. “Do you realize what could have happened? How lucky you are? You could have caused poison gas to erupt into the air! Or set fire to everything! Or created an acid so strong it could burn through pony flesh!”
Pinkie dismissed her with a wave. “Oh come on, Twilight, we were fine! Goggles, remember?”
Twilight felt her eye twitch.
“So anyway,” Rainbow continued, “We finally decided that just fooling around with your boring chemicals wasn’t making your lab rad enough. So we decided we had to mix other stuff with your chemicals to give your lab the proper levels of coolness.”
“So we raided your fridge!” Pinkie chirped, hopping in place.
Twilight’s forehead was going to be very sore the next day.
“Well, the fridge…” Rainbow began, “And the pantry, and the cupboard under the sink, and the bathroom, and the laundry room…”
“Ooh ooh!” Pinkie said, pointing at Rainbow Dash. “Don’t forget the plants on the windowsill!”
“The what?!” Twilight asked, panicked. “The plants on the windowsill?! But… but that’s where I kept--”
“Yeah…” Dash interrupted, finally having the decency to look embarrassed as she scratched her shin with her hoof and looked away. “I think it was mixing your potted Poison Joke sample with the bubblegum frozen yogurt and whatever it was we had in the big pot thingy that finally did it.”
“But…” Twilight stammered. “But that means that all this goop is contaminated with--”
THHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTT…
There was a sound like a deflating balloon and suddenly, Twilight’s horn became limp, sagging in front of her eyes like a floppy rubber chicken. Twilight’s eyes crossed as she attempted to look at her horn… the part of her body she was most proud of… the part of her that allowed her to study and channel magic… as it wiggled around in front of her like a wet noodle covered in blue boils.
Pinkie Pie giggled “Hey look, Twi! You’re all floppy again!”
Twilight’s eye twitched. So did her ear. Her hair, gelled up as it was started to frazzle. Her hooves shook and her tail swished back and forth randomly. Her teeth were grit in a furious snarl. She snorted and steam came out of her nostrils.
Rainbow Dash blinked. “Hey, uh… Twi? You okay?”
Twilight leapt into the air. Her mane and tail caught ablaze, crackling with fire and burning away the contaminated goop as her eyes glowed an unholy red. Her coat burned white as the stars and smoke poured off her body in waves. Dash and Pinkie yelped, clutching each other in shock and fright as Twilight spontaneously combusted in front of them. The two of them squeezed their eyes shut and braced for their certain doom… when the heat coming off of Twilight suddenly ceased.
Pinkie and Dash slowly opened their eyes, blinking warily as they looked at their friend. She had a perfectly neutral look on her face. Her mouth was set in a flat line and the expression in her eyes could only be described as nonplussed. Her mane and tail were… well, orderly wouldn’t be a proper way to put it, but they looked far better than they had mere moments before.
“Uh, Twi?” Rainbow Dash finally ventured.
Twilight pointed at the ground. “Stay here.” she said, turning on a heel and trotting towards her house, her horn flopping from side to side the whole way. She waded into the piles of pink goop, unconcerned of their contaminants given that she was already afflicted, and disappeared into the slimy library.
“Um… okay” Rainbow said, looking at Pinkie, who simply shrugged.
A few minutes later, Twilight reemerged from her treehouse, quickly shaking off the slime like a dog would shake off water, and approaching the two of them, she pulled a bottle out of a saddlebag she had procured.
“We’re going to have a little chemistry lesson, girls.” Twilight said, so calm that Pinkie would swear she was trying to do her best impression of her sister Maud Pie. It was a damn good impression if she was.
“Aw, really, Twi?” Rainbow whined. “I think we’ve had enough chemistry for one day.”
“I agree, but I think you’ll like this.” Twilight said, gently lifting the bottle, then taking out two rags and pouring a small amount of the liquid in the bottle on both of them, before placing the bottle in front of Dash and Pinkie. “Now then,” Twilight said ever so calmly, holding a rag in each hoof. “Would you mind reading what the label on the bottle says?”
Dash and Pinkie both leaned down towards the small bottle, reading its label carefully.
“CHCl3?” Rainbow said, puzzled. “I don’t get it, Twilight. What’s that supposed to--”
Twilight suddenly grabbed both their muzzles with her rag-covered hooves.
* * *
Creaky Docks had been a sailor all his life. He’d sailed all the seven seas, from the distant shores of Zebrica to the mysterious cliffs of Neighpon, delivering goods and products from one country to another. It was a pretty routine life, as a sailor. Beyond the occasional wild storm or sea monster attack, it was really a pretty regular day-to day life. Not much in the way of surprises.
That said, something today had caught his eye. Or rather, his ear.
Creaky Docks waved down one of his fellow sailors. “‘Ey, Gangplank!” he called, ushering the young pegasus swabbie over to him. “C’mere a sec.”
The green pegasus fluttered over to him, a curious look on his face. “What’s up, Docks?”
Creaky Docks pointed at a particular crate. Large and wooden, covered with holes and labeled ‘Handle with care,’ en route to Abu Dhabray. “You hear somethin’ coming from that crate?” he asked. “Sounds like… snoring?”
Gangplank raised an eyebrow and shook his head, placing a hoof on Creaky Dock’s shoulder. “Sea’s getting to you, old man. You’re hearing things. Maybe you should take a break below deck to clear your head.”
Creaky Docks shrugged and sighed a little. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”