She Slapped My Butt...
Butter Berrys walked through town, with his saddlebags on. He was getting ready to purchase some apples and cabbage to make apple cabbage soup. After he was done purchasing his apples he started to walk towards home. He was especially glad because it was fall, and fall is apple season. He was humming his favorite song with his eyes closed, then, next thing he knew his face bashed into somepony's chest, causing them both to fall to the ground.
"Ow...Uh, sorry about that!" Berrys exclaimed, looking at the pony across from him.
"Ow ow...it- it's fine..." She said in a thick British accent as she got up, revealing her face to Berrys.
Berrys eyes widened, and his moth fell agape as he looked into her beautiful pink eyes. "Woah..." he mumbled.
"Whu...what was that?" She asked.
"Oh, I was just thinking about how pretty you are..." He replied as he climbed up to his hoofs, realizing she was a good head taller than him.
"Oh well..." She then blushed and hid behind her mane. "T-Thank you..." She replied, with very crippling shyness.
"Oh did...did I embarrass you?" He asked, immediately dropping the small talk.
"A little..." She replied as she started to pick up the stuff that fell from her saddlebags
"Oh well I didn't mean to!" He replied, getting a little awkward himself.
"Oh, that's fine!" She replied. They both continued to pick their stuff up. She was walking ahead and Berrys followed her, because his house was this way anyways.
"So uhh, I never got your name!" He said, scratching the back of his head.
"Glimmering Dusk!" She exclaimed. Her accent was tearing Berrys apart, as well as her lavender scent.
"Oh, My name is Butter Berrys!" He replied.
"Oh, well that's a lovely name!" She exclaimed, putting on a big smile.
"Say, I've never seen you around before, are you new?" Berrys asked.
"No, I've lived here for years!" She exclaimed "By the way, uhh where's your cutie mark?" She asked, looking at his flank.
His heart dropped. He had no idea what to say, he wasn't gonna tell somepony as perfect as her that he had no cutie mark! "It's uhh, I painted over it!" He replied, talking super fast.
"What, why?"
Berrys then bit his lip and droplets of sweat formed on his forehead. "Well, it's because I was dressing up for a Nightmare Night party and never took the makeup off!" He replied, looking up to her.
"Oh, okay!" She replied, with glee in her voice.
A weight was lifted off of Berrys' chest as he exhaled. "Well, looks like we're at my house!" He exclaimed.
Dusk then looked at the broken-down and old house. "That's your house?" She asked, a little awkwardly.
Again, Berrys wasn't gonna tell her that he lived THERE "Umm, no! Who the hell would live there?" He nervously asked, giggling. "Uh, t-that's my house!" He exclaimed, pointing at Vinyl and Octavia's house.
"Oh, well okay then!" She said.
Berrys then slowly walked towards the house, praying to Celestia that they where home and the door was unlocked. He then opened the door and walked in. He watched out one of the windows and waited 'till she was gone, before trying to sneak back out unnoticed.
"Egh em..." He heard the voice from behind him. He slightly cringed and looked behind himself to see Octavia. "And why are you in our house?" She asked, with an eyebrow raised.
Berrys knew there was no way out of this, plus Octavia never really liked him anyways, so what is there to loose? He decided to come clean. "Well, you see, in the market district I met the perfect Mare! Glimmering Dusk. She's tall, pink, and beautiful!" He exclaimed. "And her accent is to die for!"
"So, what's your point?" She asked.
"Because I didn't want her to see where I live..." He sighed.
"Okay, so now that you're done lying to the mare of your dreams, get the buck out of my house!" She yelled, pointing at the door.
"Nnn nah neh get du buck out of me house..." He mumbled as he trotted out the door, earning a smack from Octavia. "OW!" As soon as he got out, she slammed the door. "Heh...she slapped my butt..." Berrys giggled to himself as he walked into his house. After entering his house, he closed the door and put his saddlebags away as he went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. For the rest of the night all he could think about was Dusk. Her height her accent her glasses. She was everything he'd ever dreamed of. It got to the point where it almost kept him up that night.
"I have to ask her out..." He thought to himself "I need to be with her... He thought. He then shot out of bed. "I WILL get her!"
The Next Morning:
Berrys threw his saddlebags on, bringing all the bits he had. He then walked up to the entrance and opened the door, only to see Dusk walking towards Vinyl and Octavia's house. He then quickly shot back into his home and slammed the door shut. "Oh...my...Celestia! She's coming...specifically for me! Oh...that sounded wrong..." He mumbled, before rushing to the window and looking out.
Dusk walked up to Vinyl's house and begun knocking on the door. "Whelp...I'm screwed!" He exclaimed. As Dusk begun knocking on the door, he prayed that they wouldn't be home. Suddenly the door opened. "Please don't be Octavia..." And sure enough, Octavia walked out.
"Hello?" She asked.
"Umm, Hi! I'm Glimmering Dusk!" She said.
"I'm...mother...bucking...screwed!"
"Wait...are you that girl that Berrys met yesterday?" Octavia asked with an eyebrow raised.
"Yes! Yes I am! I've come here for him!" She exclaimed.
"Well he's...gone right now!" Octavia said.
"Well okay! Here's my address, give it to him when he get's back!" Dusk said, handing Octavia a slip of paper. "Bye!"
"Umm...bye bye!" Octavia replied, waving. She waited until Dusk was out of sight before stomping over to Berrys house, and opening the door, crushing Berrys behind it. "BERRYS!" She screamed.
"Umm...back here..." He mumbled as Octavia opened the door.
"You got lucky this time!" She yelled, handing the paper to Berrys.
"Wait...why would you lie to save my skin?" He asked, with an eyebrow raised.
"Because well, I-I decided to be nice!" She exclaimed.
"Ohh, well look who has a heart after all!"
Octavia then turned around and bucked him in the balls, before walking out the door.
"Ahh...worth it..." He mumbled, in a high-pitched voice.
Later that day:
Berrys walked up to Dusk's house, witch was surprisingly neat and tidy. She lived right outside of town, where it was mostly quaint and quiet. He then walked up to the door, and before knocking he licked his hoofs and lightly combed his hair. He also grabbed some breath-spray and sprayed inside his mouth and under his arms. He then knocked three times. She then opened the door with her magic, "Why, hello there!" She exclaimed.
"Hi, remember me?" He asked as chill as possible, even though he was freaking out on the inside.
Dunk then lightly giggled "Yes, I remember, Butter Berrys!"
"So my uh, roommate gave me your address, is there a certain reason you wanted me?" He asked.
"Well I uh..." She then blushed and hid behind her mane again.
"This is it..."
"I was wondering if..."
"It's happening..."
"Maybe you..."
"I'M GONNA GET LAID!"
"Maybe you would like to go out with me!" She forced the words out.
"Well you know I might be able to open up my schedule..." He replied acting as chill as possible.
"Alright...so uh...is it alright if we have the date here?" She softly asked.
"Absolutely!" He yelled, starting to show his excitement but immediately hiding it again.
"Alright, how does 8'Oclock sound?"
"Great! Buck, that's my appointment with Nurse Redheart...I'll just cancel!"
"Alright...uh...see you then..." She replied.
"Alright!" Berrys then started to walk away, and as soon as her house got out of sight, he jumped in the air, "YESS!" He screamed, getting everypony else's attention. "Uhh I uh, got the last apple..." He mumbled, and everypony just continued walking. He galloped home, ran upstairs, and threw his closet opened to see his only good suit, covered in dust and cobwebs. "Grr...damn it!" He exclaimed as he pulled it down, and brushed everything off.
"It still looks terrible!" He griped. He brought it down the stairs and out the door, over to Vinyl's house. He knocked and had Vinyl answer the door.
"Oh uh, hi Berrys!"
"Hey Vinyl, I wan wondering if I could borrow your washing board!"
"Uhh, why? Let me guess, you forgot to pay the water bill!" She replied as a joke.
"That's right!" He replied, apparently not picking up on her sarcasm.
"Uhh, sure..." She said, moving out of the way and letting Berrys in. He walked into the laundry room and begun washing the suit. "Hey uh Berrys, why do you need that suit clean?" She asked, with an eyebrow raised.
"Because I got a date with the perfect mare: Glimmering Dusk!"He exclaimed.
"Wait, is this the girl that Octy was saying you lied to?"Vinyl asked.
"Yeah, why?" Berrys asked, raising an eyebrow.
"How many times did you lie?" She asked, crossing her arms.
"Well let's see, I lied about my cutie mark, my plans for tonight, and also my house..." He replied, with clear guilt in his voice.
"Look, I'm not meaning to be judgmental, but do you really want a relationship based on lies?" She asked, using her magic to take her glasses off.
"Well, if she knew the real me, shed hate me! Look at me I'm a wreck! no cutie mark, no job, loosing my house, clear anger problems, who would want to date me?" He asked.
Vinyl then looked upset, "Well, I know somepony..." She mumbled, but then shook her head. "Look, I know how mares work, and they like stallions who tell the truth! Just be honest and your relationship would go a lot smoother!" She exclaimed, walking up and wrapping her arm around his neck.
Berrys then thought for a minute. "Okay fine, I'll tell her tonight..." He mumbled, hanging his head down.
"That's the spirit!" Vinyl exclaimed, giving him a wink. "Now get that suit clean!"
The Time Of The Date:
Berrys walked up towards Dusk's house, wearing his suit and with combed hair (finally) He then knocked on her door, and she used her magic to open the door. Instead of the cape she was wearing a long green dress, with her hair up, and High-hoofs. "Why, hello darling!" He said, giving her a seductive look.
"Oh well hi Berrys!" She replied.
"I'm here for our date!"
"Well come right in!" She then motioned for him to come in, and when he did she shut and locked the door. "Oi, the table is right this way!" She exclaimed, pointing him towards a huge table, full of mashed potatoes, Carrot-dogs, Dandelion sandwiches, and hey fries. Berrys eyes lit up, he hasn't seen a meal like that since well, thanksgiving!
"Whoa, nice spread..." He mumbled, getting a smile from her.
"Well, let's eat!" She exclaimed, as she went to sit down Berrys pulled the chair back, and she sat on it, then he pushed it in, "Well, you sure are getting fancy!" She said. Berrys then went and pulled his chair back, and as soon as he sat in it, it fell over.
"Woah!" *CRASH*
"Woah...are you okay?" She asked with concern in her voice.
Berrys staggered to his hoofs, and shook his head, "I meant to do that...I always do that on dates to, uh, make sure the mare actually get's concerned and, uh, you passed the test!"
"Oh, well okay..." She replied, laughing at the stupidity of that. One Berrys had situated himself in his chair, he started serving himself. Dusk did the same. "So uh, why don't you tell me a little about yourself?" She asked.
Berrys then froze, the thought crossed his mind several times: "You don't want a relationship based on lies, tell her the truth..."
"Well, to tell you about my cutie mark...It's a boxer glove!" He said, obviously nervous.
"A boxing glove?" She asked as she used her magic to eat some hay fries.
"Yeah, my talent is boxing...and wrestling...."
"I don't know, you look pretty scrawny!" She replied, looking at his body.
"Well, that's because I have a great diet!" He exclaimed.
"You're wolfing down that sandwich as we speed!" She replied with en eyebrow raised.
Berrys then froze, and begun taking little bites. "I decided to make an exception for this date!" He said. "What's your cutie mark?" He asked.
"Well, it's a pencil, my talent is writing!"
"Oh!"
"By the way, what's your monthly income?" She asked.
"Umm...Shit, she wants to know my income! I can't tell her... about 1,000 bits!" He confidentially replied.
"Oh, well that's nice!" She exclaimed.
Damn it, she wants money! shit shit shit!
About An Hour Later:
Berrys and Dusk had just finished their food, and had been talking (and lying) for a while. Berrys had just finished his third sandwich,before leaning back. "Ahh, That was a good meal..." He exclaimed.
"Thanks!" Dusk replied. "Now, follow me...I've got a surprise for you..." She said, biting her lip and giving him bedroom eyes.
"This is it!" He thought to himself, before getting up and following her to the couch.
"Here, have a seat..." She said as she sat down and patted the spot next to her. Berrys did as he was told, and sat down, and she immediately started kissing him.
"Holy crap...is this actually happening?" He thought to himself as she moved her head down and begun nipping at his neck. As she sucked it, suddenly one of her sharp teeth tore a bit of the skin. "OW!" He exclaimed as he pulled away.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
"Oh you just kinda..." He replied as he put his hoof up to his neck and getting a small droplet of blood on it. "You accidentally cut my neck..." He replied.
"Oh, I'm sorry about that..." She mumbled as she went back to suck on his neck. Suddenly she moved her head and started to lick the droplets of blood off.
"What is she doing..." He asked himself, before she tore another hole. "OW!" He screamed, pulling away again. "Alright, I think that's enough of the neck nipping..." He exclaimed as he leaned in, puckering.
"But I want to continue..." She seductively said as she pinned him down on the couch and continued to tear the skin and lick the blood. "You're awfully weak for a boxer..." She jokingly said.
"Well you're awfully bossy!" He yelled as she continued to nip his neck. "Would you stop- OW! biting me?!" He asked, and being completely ignored. "Stop it!"
She then pulled away. "Look, if where gonna be in this relationship, where gonna do it MY way!" She exclaimed. "And my first request is that you continue to lie!" She yelled, looking him in the eyes.
"Whu...you knew?" He asked.
"Well duh...do you really think I'm that stupid?!" She asked. Berrys noticed she was growing little fangs.
"Wait...why would you want me to lie, and what's with the fangs?" He asked, getting kinda frightened.
"Oh, you're just as naive as I thought..." She mumbled, before the fangs shot out. "Don't you get it? I'm a vampire!" She screamed as her red eyes started glowing. "I feed off of lies! All they do is make me stronger!"
"Oh my Celestia..." He mumbled, having trouble processing what he just heard.
Suddenly she opened her mouth, presenting her fangs, and then dove into his neck.
"OW! Ugh...grr...STOP!" He yelled as she suckled the blood. He squirmed against her bonds as she sucked him dry. "I...I SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO VINYL, I SHOULD'VE TOLD THE TRUTH!" He yelled as he tried to escape. "Uhh..." suddenly he started to get groggy.
Dusk pulled away and licked the blood dripping from her lips. "Well that was tasty!" She exclaimed, giving him a seductive look. He was too groggy from blood loss to comprehend what was going on.
"YOU GET OFF OF HIM!" They heard the voice coming from outside, then the front window exploded and Twilight flew in.
"Twu...Twilight?" Berrys asked.
"Oh look, it's the princess of friendship!" Dusk exclaimed sarcastically. "What are you gonna do, bore me to death?" She asked.
Twilight gave her an angry look, as she shot Dusk with a magic beam. "Get...off...of...him!" Twilight yelled.
"Ugh...alright fine!" She replied as she jumped off of Berrys. "Let's tussle!" Suddenly, huge bat wings grew from her back, tearing the dress clean off. They started to fight and shoot magic at each other, knocking over furniture. Meanwhile Vinyl crawled in through the window and ran over to Berrys, hoping she wouldn't get shot.
"C'mon Berrys..." She said as she crawled under him, and pushing him up on her back, "Let's get you out of here!"
"Wait...what- *burp* what's going on?" The groggy Berrys asked.
"I was hanging out with Twilight, and I explained how you described Dusk...she says she fits the description of how a Vampire would act perfectly! Not only that, but she claimed to have lived here in Ponyvill for years, when Nopony had ever seen her before! We just sorta, figured it out!"
"Oh well..."
"Is that the best you've got?" Dusk asked.
"Oh, you've only seen the start!" Twilight replied. Dusk then charged at Twilight, but she used her magic to make a force feild around herself, deflecting Dusk. Twilight then started shooting Dusk over and over, not even giving her a chance. Suddenly, Dusk noticed Vinyl and Berrys sneaking out, and hatched a plan.
She flew out of the corner, hitting the force field and causing Twilight to bounce around like a sky ball. She swooped down and grabbed Berrys and Vinyl, and held them in their magical force. "Oh look who I have!" Dusk yelled, holding a knife up to Berrys' throat. Twilight eventually landed and the field smashed, bringing her to the ground. "One step closer, and your friends are toast!" Dusk yelled. "Now surrender, and you'll all stay here, and be my snacks!"
"Twilight, DON'T DO IT!" Vinyl yelled.
Twilight looked around, trying to think. "I-I surrender..." Twilight mumbled.
"NO!" Vinyl screamed.
"Good girl..." Dusk stated, landing on the ground. "Now come here, and let me suck your blood!" She yelled, dropping Vinyl and Berrys. She walked towards Twilight and opened her mouth, ready to suck her blood. Suddenly, a knife flew into Dusk's back, causingher to scream in agony. "AHHHH!" She then shot her head around, and looked at Vinyl. "YOU...LITTLE...NOTHING!" She screamed as she charged towards Vinyl, suddenly being shot with a beam of light energy.
"Any last words?!" Twilight asked, pointing her horn in Dusk's face, before giving her any time to finish, she shot more light magic in her face.
"AHHHHHH!" Dusk screamed in agony as she disintegrated. "THIS WON'T BE THE LAST YOU SEE OF ME!" She screamed, before completely disintegrating.
Twilight and Vinyl sighed in relief, whereas Berrys was too groggy to know what was going on.
"It's over..." Twilight sighed.
"Alright Berrys..." Vinyl said, walking up to Berrys. "Did you learn your lesson?" She asked.
"I...Learned that...Dusk is a really good cook!" He mumbled.
Vinyl and Twilight just begun laughing. "Seriously though, we should get him to a hospital!"
THE END!