Excuses... Excuses...

by pertelote345

First published

Applejack has gone through a lot in her life. She's lost family, been a primary caregiver, even had a few massive shifts in her identity... And she's still standing. She's still here. But is that enough?

Applejack has gone through a lot in her life. She's lost family, been a primary caregiver, even had a few massive shifts in her identity... And she's still standing. She's still here.

But is that enough?

The things we tell ourselves.

View Online

I didn't really come to the outbuildings often, but today I needed supplies. The farm is filled with heaps of old junk of all sorts. We Apples ain't exactly hoarders, but when you had a lot of storage you tended to store stuff in it. Even when it was stuff you didn't need.

Sometimes saving things came in handy though, like today when I was looking for an old harness strap. I could have gone and bought a new one, but that cost bits and those were always in short supply.

I dug around in the piles of junk. I knew there was an old broken harness in here at some point... Not that I could remember whether we had moved it or not.

While I was digging I found myself mulling over the heap. I'm sure some ponies would see this stuff as treasure, we had solid wooden furniture, stacks of stuffed animals and a huuuge pile of books.

Yeah, y'all heard me right, books. We apples didn't buy a lot of them, but the ones we bought we kept. Heck, some of the books in the little crates back here must have been over a hundred...

I smirked, wondering if I should bring some of these crates down to Twilight, make her smile...

I shook myself. The Princess of Friendship had better things to do than dig through a pile of old novels and ledgers from a bunch of apple farmers.

I idly picked one up. Oh! I remembered this one! It was a little ghost story from way back in the day. I leafed through it recallin' all those old yarns from my school days.

I blinked. There as a note in the back cover. I squinted in the light to make it out.

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Apple, this book is awarded to your son for his excellent achievement in reading. You should be very proud!"

I went cold.

#

It wasn't very often I fond myself knocking at the door to Rarity's boutique. I didn't have much need for fancy dresses these days (though I'll admit I'd found myself in them a lot more recently). But any-who, I needed some advice and she was the best pony to give it.

She opened the door, squinting. "Applejack? Is everything alright?"

I tilted my hat. "Mostly. Would... Would you mind if I came in?"

She nodded, waving me inside.

It was after hours, so the boutique was a little bit less organized than usual. It was pretty clear that Rarity had some sort of system going where at the end of the day she'd pack up her stock, fold it neatly and cover it over so it didn't get dusty. Then she'd swap out a few pieces that hadn't sold so well and either scrap them or make them work.

It was very neat, very controlled. It was a little fussy, but if I was being honest I was right jealous. She'd managed to find a place for everything.

She sat down at the counter and gestured to a seat on the other side. "Talk to me Applejack. You look like you've seen a ghost."

I chuckled ruefully. "In so many ways..." I reached into my saddle bag and produced the yellowed paperback, plopping it on the desk with a shrug.

Rarity raised an eyebrow. She dusted off the cover with a handkerchief and looked at the title. "The Ghost Next
Door? I'm afraid I don't understand dear."

"It's from school. I found it in the shed." I sighed, scratching my hoof against the bottom of my seat and trying to think of how to phrase this. "Do... Do you remember when we were little? Like real little?"

Her expression softened. I saw pity in her eyes. "Applejack... Is this about... Your former condition?"

I shrugged. "I dunno, maybe? And you don't have to beat around the bush Rares, we're alone."

She nodded, but she still look nervous. "I'm sorry Applejack, it's just... You don't really talk very much about being a trans mare. You haven't even told our friends. Honestly I think most of the town forgot about that little colt a long time ago."

She remembered though, everyone from back then did. Sometimes ponies forgot that Rarity grew up here. In fact, the two of us were the only ones of my core group of friends that had. She was my oldest friend, even if it took me a while to realize we were friends.

I found myself fiddling with my hoof, drawing little circles on the counter. "I dunno. I guess being called the wrong thing wasn't fun, even if it was from some note from before I even knew... But..." I gulped. "I... I can't help I feel I lost something from back then."

She winced.

I held up my hooves. That came out very wrong. "Not my old body! Or its little friend thank you very much. Those were messin' with me something awful, it's just... I feel like maybe back then I had some sort of force, some kind of motivation... Since I transitioned I feel way better about myself, I feel more in control, why haven't I..." I slumped. "Why haven't I done something with that?"

Rarity shook her head. "I'm sorry dear, I'm afraid you misread my expression. I wasn't wincing about bodily changes, those were clearly beneficial. I was wincing about something you actually lost around that time."

Now it was my turn to wince. Dear Mr. and Ms. Apple... that cut deeper, I'll admit...

I let out a breath, fogging up the counter top. I guessed I'd stopped meeting Rarity's eyes at some point. "That... Celestia, is that what I'm talking about? Am I just a transgender orphan who's remembering the days before either of those things could bug me? Lands' sakes'..."

Rarity put a hoof on my shoulder, those waving purple curls reminding me of days long ago.

"Applejack," she said, with strength in her voice, "You are making excuses."

I raised an eyebrow. "Beg pardon?" I'd been expecting some words of comfort.

She pulled her hoof away. "It isn't either of those things that bothered you about that book." She flipped through the pages until she found the note. "Ah, that explains it."

"Explains what!" I barked. I was losing my patience.

"Dear Mr. and Ms. Apple, this book is awarded to your son for his excellent achievement in reading. You should be very proud!" She read. She looked up, raising an eyebrow. "You really don't see what bothers you about that?"

I blinked. "Uh... I think we've already gone over two things that bother me about that little note Rares."

She groaned, rubbing her temples. "I swear, sometimes you're worse than Fluttershy... Look, Applejack, I get that you've had a hard life, I get that you have responsibilities that your hard life has thrust upon you, but you can't stop all that from letting you live your life."

I narrowed my eyes. "What, you reckon I'm some sort of zombie?"

She rolled her eyes. "Quite possibly yes dear, when was the last time you did something big because you wanted to do it?"

I blinked. "Ah do stuff like that all the time! I go to Pinkie's parties, I compete in rodeos..."

She tilted her head. "How many of those rodeo competitions have you entered out of responsibility? Don't I recall a roof that needed fixing, and a cousin that couldn't compete?"

I opened my mouth to respond... Then closed it.

She smiled. "You see what I'm saying then. Applejack, all of your friends would accept you as a transgender orphan with poor fashion sense and a chip on your shoulder, and it's all stuff you're capable of handling, but I really feel like you need to start doing things that make you happy for once."

She rapped her hoof on the book. "You liked reading when you were little, you liked it and it made your loved ones proud. You feel bad because this dime novel reminded you of that and now you want me to comfort you and tell you how it's all better and you haven't lost a thing."

She raised herself up. "Well, you did lose something Applejack, you bottled up something you loved." Her expression softened. "But... You know bottles can be broken, right?"

There was a pause. Rarity waited expectantly while I just sort of stared at her. I...

#

The next morning I knocked on the Princess of Friendship's massive doors. The doors creaked as Twilight Sparkle slid them open. She had a pencil behind her ear and a quizzical look on her face. "Applejack? What's with the crate?"

I blushed. "I just... I had all these old books lyin' around in storage from the early days of Ponyville and... Well, I was wonderin' if you'd like to go through them with me." I shrugged. "Who knows, there might be something really interesting in this here box."

Twilight's eyes went wide. "Applejack that's amazing! Come on in! Spike is making tea. Thank you so much for sharing this with me!"

I smiled. "No problem Twi... No problem at all."

Discoveries

View Online

I was almost giddy when Applejack cracked that crate open.

I lifted out a trio of books with my magic. They had the musty smell of history! "Oh my god, Frontier Journals? Original naturalistic observations on seed cataloging? Applejack, why didn't you tell me you had these!"

The farm mare chuckled and lay down on the library's couch. We'd come to the reading area to go over her find. "Honestly I just found 'em today. I knew we had a pile of books lying around, I just never bothered to dig them out 'till now."

I gave her a huge smile. "Well I'm glad you did! Look at this mix..." There were old books, new books, children's books, photo albums... I started sorting them by date and subject, plus a little pile to read later. Oh I wished, Spike was here! But I'd promised him the morning off after tea and of course he'd decided to use it to catch up on his sleep.

I think he would have enjoyed it actually, there were quite a few vintage comics in the crate. I winced when I saw the way one of them drew a zebra... But I supposed such things were historically important. Ignoring that racism occurred in the past was inviting it to the future. Still, I tucked that particular issue firmly at the bottom of the stack, Dewey Decimal System or no.

That actually brought up a good point. I looked up at the lounging farmer, who to my surprise was leafing through a young adult adventure novel. "Applejack... I should ask, are you donating these? I mean, usually when ponies show up with old books it means they're giving them to the public." Although I really needed to establish a new library branch...

AJ blinked, "Well, Ah mean... Normally I'd be all for that, but some of these are a mite personal."

I nodded. That made sense, I picked up a photo album full of baby pictures. I knew I wouldn't want pictures of me covered in spaghetti sauce available to the general public. I mean, seriously in some cases AJ was in very revea-

I closed the book in shock. I felt my cheeks blushing crimson... Wait... Was that?

Applejack tilted her head. "Uh... Twi? Are you alright sugar cube?"

I forced a smile. "Uh... Sure! I just..." Oh lord, what was I supposed to say? Sweet Celestia Twilight! I needed to be cool, for Applejack's sake if nothing else. Maybe it was a prank? No, it was way to crude to be an AJ prank, it was Rainbow Dash who hid the marital aid under my pillow after all.

AJ looked nervous.

I sighed... Well, if there was anything I knew she'd appreciate it was honesty. "I... Um... I may have seen some pictures of you that were extremely personal... from when you were very young."

AJ went from nervous to quaking... She grit her teeth and looked me in the eye. "Twi... There's something I need to tell you..."

I gulped. This was a big moment. I had to be supportive, caring, the perfect friend! "Y-yes Applejack?"

She let out a breath, "Ah... Ah'm an apple farmer."

I blinked. "Um... I knew that."

She shrugged. "Heh... Now you know I'm trans too."

I stared at her... And we both broke down. Peals of laughter filled the library. I almost couldn't breathe.

Finally I wiped my forehead. Okay, that at least cut the tension. "Well, for the record I'm not a bigot, so it doesn't really change anything but... I have to admit I didn't expect that. Was... Was this your way of coming out?"

She blushed, "Hay no, I... I guess I should have realized there'd be something incriminating in that crate, I just plum forgot, Ah'm real sorry about that."

I waved my hooves. "No, no... You don't have anything to be sorry for! I was the one who opened a book of naked baby pictures."

She blushed crimson. "Oh... Could... Could I-?"

I plopped the album in front of her. "Yeah, you should keep that."

She latched onto it. "Thanks sugar cube..."

There was a long, awkward silence. I swear, I saw a dust bunny roll past us in the breeze... I really needed to close that window.

I cleared my throat, then walked over to the couch and sat down next to AJ. "Do... Do you want to talk about it?"

She fiddled with her hooves. "I mean, I don't..." She looked up. "You know I actually kind of do."

I smiled. I'd never met a trans pony before... I mean, that I knew of, mostly they were just mares and stallions, but I'd never talked about gender identity issues with a trans pony before. What was coming? Tearful discussions of familial rejection? Long stories about heart rending dysphoria? Painful tales of puppy love ending in tragedy as her partner realized they couldn't be attracted to her changing body?

"You know I think what bothers me most is the pockets." AJ said finally.

I blinked. "Wait, pockets?"

She rolled her eyes. "It feels like the whole darn garment industry wants nothing to do with putin' pockets in mare's clothing. They just expect us all to have purses or saddle bags all the dang time... And it ain't just dresses neither! I once bought a pair of overalls, overalls without any pockets. Who in Equestria's orchards want's overalls with no pockets? It's like some dumb feller was like 'well, on the off chance these mares get some pants with pockets, let's cover 'em over! That way, if they want to get something they'll look like they're playing with themselves..." She dug her hooves into the sofa.

I reached out a hoof. "AJ... Are, are you okay?" I winced right after saying that. Obviously she wasn't...

She was just kind of sitting there, staring at space. Finally she let out a breath and turned to me, slowly, like it was a strain. "S-sorry Twi. I- dang it. You know, this is specifically what I didn't want to do."

"What's that?" I had to admit I was a little out of my depth... But AJ was my friend. I had to try.

Applejack sighed. "I... I'm starting to think that maybe I'm using all my old problems as... I dunno, a distraction or something? Like, 'gee what does it matter that I never went to college when my parents are dead?', or 'so what if I'm not having fun, Applebloom's takin' all her vitamins right?'"

"Um..." Okay, now I was definitely out of my depth. I didn't know anything about how to deal with personal repression on this level, how on earth was I supposed to help my friend if I didn't kno-

It hit me. "We need a list!" I said.

Apparently that was weird enough to snap AJ out of her funk. She turned to me. "Beg pardon?"

I magically reached out to the library's "help" desk (it came with the castle) and pulled out a quill and a notepad. I hunkered down next to AJ and smiled. "Clearly you have a lot of stuff you want to work out, and if there's anything I'm good at it's helping out my friends... Now, let me get this straight, you feel like you've missed out on a lot of things in life because of your past, right?"

She looked down. "It feels more like I'm too much of a coward to try workin' towards the stuff I want and my past is a convenient excuse to not bother..."

I winced... "Okay... So obviously we'll have to do some self-esteem boosting stuff too, but that begs the question: What do you want to do?"

She scratched at the back of her head. "Uh... I mean, maybe I'm over reacting... I do have responsibilities and..."

I narrowed my eyes.

She sighed. "Okay, okay... I... I guess I'd like to read more? Maybe get some writing done? I used to keep a journal and write little stories and stuff."

I put it on the list, "Okay, that seems like something we can work on. What else?"

She bit her lip. "That's already asking a lo-"

"AJ." I snapped. "You cannot be afraid of wanting things! It doesn't make you bad, it just makes you a pony, now, what else?"

She backed away. "I... I mean, I don't really know okay?" She gripped onto a pillow defensively. "I haven't thought about wanting stuff in a long time!"

It suddenly occurred to me that I was overdoing it. I put down the quill. "AJ... I... I don't mean to push. I'm sorry, I just want to help."

She put a hoof on my shoulder. For a second she had that old, confident look in her eye. "It's alright, sugar cube. All this opening up and asking for stuff is just sorta... new I guess."

I nodded. She pulled me into a hug which I gladly returned. Her fur was soft and warm. When we let go I felt a lot better, and I think Applejack did too. I snuggled down into the couch feeling a lot less tense... if a bit exhausted.

After a moment AJ turned to me. "Twi?"

I perked up, peering out from behind my pillow. "Yes AJ?"

"There is one other thing I can think of..." She turned away, blushing. "Ah I ain't never been on a date before neither..."

I blushed back. "We'll add it to the list."

Step 1: Admitting Y'all Got Issues

View Online

I'd had a long, productive couple of days since my little visit with Twilight. Applebloom had helped me cut down on a weed infestation in the South orchard and Big Macintosh and I had managed to get quite a bit of plowing done in our small, but moderately lucrative, corn fields.

I was more than a bit antsy after what Twilight had found out. I was even more worried about her plans, but... I guess there was some part of me that really wanted all of this. So after I finished up my chores I made my way to town hall where Twi wanted me to meet for some reason. She'd been pretty vague.

I was just kind of sitting there with my hat pulled down. Luna's night was right pretty and all, but I felt pretty out of place. I usually got to bed early so I could see the sunrise.

Finally I caught sight of Twilight. She waved as she cantered over and hopped up next to me, panting. "Sorry I'm late! It's okay, we've still got 5 minutes until the meeting starts."

I blinked. "Uh... Twi? What meeting? You still haven't told me what we're here for."

She reached into her saddlebags and yanked out a flyer. It said something about... support groups?

I tilted my head. I... Honestly wasn't sure where she was going with this. "Twi, I thought we were going to do something, You know, fun."

She put the flyer down and gave me a sheepish look. "I know AJ, but after what you said before I really feel like we should try and get some of the stuff you mentioned out of the way. You may be leaning on your past traumatic experiences too much, but I'm hoping working through them will make them less of a burden so we can move on to the good stuff."

She gave me her usual big smile of 'Isn't my plan great?' and I scratched at the back of my head. I mean, she wasn't wrong, but was I really going to...

I gulped. I'd answered my own darn question. She wasn't wrong. I was making excuses based on having too much un-dealt with junk, again. If I dealt with the baggage, no more problem. Simple as that.

I met Twi's eyes. "Alright then, where to?"

#

"I... It's been so long, but... I still blame myself, I guess. I know that's dumb." He shook his head. "I just... He was sick for so long that I was tired of waiting. I guess that's what I am now really. Tired." Pokey Pierce sighed.

Everyone clapped. I didn't know what to make of it.

We were all sitting in a little room which looked like it was used for art lessons, given how many attempted paintings were lying around. We sat in a little circle of couches around a table with a pot of tea and a bunch of those little styrofoam cups on it. Y'all might think it was a cozy little tea party if not for the subject matter.

I'd actually taken tea (or more likely cider) with most of these ponies... Kind of. I know it sounds cliche, but while I knew everypony here, they seemed different. I guess they all had a bit of their usual mask ripped off. Or maybe the tension was distortin' my views.

Honestly I'd always thought the whole 'your pain is your true self' thing was kind of dumb. I mean, how much you're hurting is part of who you are, but it ain't all of you. Maybe it was less that they were taking off a mask and more peeling back a bandage so we could look at their wounds.

Sweet Celestia, this place was turning me into a pile of negativity faster than Applebloom's Lincolt Park records...

"Princess Twilight, you're up next."

Twi cleared her throat. "Thank you, I admit I'm mostly here to show my support, but..." She let out a breath. "I suppose I should share something too."

That was a surprise. The coordinator, a vermillion-maned mare with a pen and paper cutie mark, cleared her throat. "Pardon the interruption Twilight, I just want to take this opportunity to remind the room that nothing anyone says here leaves."

Twilight smiled. "Thank you, but I doubt this will end up in the tabloids. It's just... I had an uncle once... An uncle named Knight Watch."

She looked away. "I know that's probably nothing compared to what all of you have been through, but there it is. He was a guardspony who lived really close to us when my brother Shining and I were growing up. He didn't really have a family of his own, I'm not sure if it was because he was always busy patrolling the palace or what but... He hung out with us enough that we became kind of nuclear I guess. I mean nuclear as in nuclear family, not the centers of atoms... Sorry I'm getting off track."

"Don't worry." Pokey said. "Stuff like this takes time to get out." He had a half smile on his face. Apparently sharing had helped him a little.

Twi nodded. "Anyway, I was sort of stuck in my own head growing up and I guess he was one of the few ponies who tried to get me to come out of my shell. He actually introduced us to Ogres and Obliquettes back in the day."

She bit her lip. She wasn't breaking down or anything like that, but it was clear this wasn't exactly easy for her. "There was part of me that always felt like interacting with him was a chore. Like, he just wanted to bring me out bowling or pottery painting or something. Meanwhile I was convinced my time would be better spent getting research done."

"Shining loved him though, he was his best friend and confidant. Knight Watch had a lot to do with my brother joining the guard... I even saw Shining wearing his crest at his wedding..." She looked down. "Wow, I... Hadn't even thought about that until now. So much happened that day." She shook her head. "He... didn't get to see us grow up, he... He died."

There was an odd coldness about Twi. Honestly it was a little unnerving. I almost wanted her to break down crying, just so I could get a read on her... But she just kept her cool and went on. "I wish I could say he died saving some small filly or something, but... It was cancer. It was slow, and dumb and we all got to watch him wither for a year before it happened. Heck, I wish I could say he was super happy all the way through that, but he wasn't. Even worse than watching his fur fall out was watching all that happy go lucky optimism get sucked out of him. He did make sure to spend a lot of time with Shining before he was gone though. He would have spent time with me too, but I..."

She let out a breath, still seeming cold, tired. "I wish I could say I was avoiding him because it was too painful, but I was distracted. I almost felt... Annoyed with him for breaking down and making my work more difficult. I wouldn't even have been able to say goodbye if it wasn't for Princess Celestia forcing me to the hospital."

She grimaced. "I... I never thanked her for that. I guess I really should. That... That's kind of all there is."

The crowd clapped again. It felt less weird this time. I got the sense that it was kind of like a little ritual to cut down on the cloud of depression rather than some sort of applause for a performance.

Pokey cleared his throat. "You... You do know you can't blame yourself for not being super close with someone right?"

Twilight nodded. "I know. And I've talked about it a little before, but... I'll admit after all that I've learned about caring for other ponies I can't help but feel that I wasted so much of our time. He deserved better."

The coordinator nodded. "Thank you for sharing with us Twilight." She turned to me. "Miss Applejack? Is there anything you'd like to share?"

I nodded. If Twi could do it so could I. I opened my mouth and... Nothing.

Twi turned to me, concerned. "Applejack, are you alright?"

I croaked. I... I really wanted to share, I had so much to talk about, about my mom's favorite ribbons and my dad's apple strudel recipe, and the way they'd smile at me when I got home from school... But... I couldn't do it. Not right then. "P-pass," I managed finally.

The coordinator nodded.

#

"I'm so sorry Twi..." AJ mumbled from across the bench.

I squeezed her hoof. "Don't even worry about it." I couldn't believe how insensitive I'd been. Why had I thought that AJ would be able to tell a group of strangers her darkest secrets at the drop of a hat?

We were on the town hall's patio. I had signed us up for the gender identity meeting too, but... I didn't want to overload her. I'm sure whoever ran it would understand.

"I can't believe how much of a coward I was..." AJ continued. "Like, I've fought giant monsters, invasions, faced heaps of nightmares again and again... but telling Pokey about my Mom was too much."

I winced. This was really not going how I'd hoped. "Applejack..."

She held up a hoof. "Twi, it's alright. You're a darn good pony... Better than me, that's for sure."

Wait, what? "I'm not better than you!" I snapped. I blushed. That should have been a lot quieter.

AJ didn't even blink. She turned to me. "Twilight, you spent all your time in the meeting beating yourself up over the fact that you didn't care enough about your family, and here I am wishing I cared less..."

Okay, that made absolutely no sense. "That's not what we came here for! And why in Equestria would you want to care less about your family?"

"I don't... I mean I do, but..." She sighed. "I loved my mom and dad, they weren't perfect ponies, but try explaining that to eight year old me and you'd end up with a fat lip. My dad was the nicest pony I ever knew and my mom was the smartest. When they were gone I broke Twi. I left town just so I didn't have to see anything that reminded me of them. I left town when I was ten years old..."

She looked down to her flank. "And when I realized how plum foolish that was and came back, I got this here cutie mark. Three apples. Mom, Dad and Me. For a while I thought that meant I had all of their strength, that I could do the work of three ponies, but..." She shuddered. "I don't want it to mean that. I loved them so much, but... I don't want them to be just them and nothing else." She shook her head. "And yeah, I know that's selfish... I guess I feel like if I could forget about them, even just a little I could be..." She gulped. "I could be AJ... Whoever the hay that is."

She looked down. "And yeah, I know how awful and selfish that is. Like I said Twi, you're a way better pony than me."

I stared at her. I... I had no clue how to respond to all of that. It made sense, but it was too much information. How was I supposed to figure out how to help when the problem was so complicated? Part of me wanted to take notes, or get the coordinator who would be soo much better at this, but... She was in so much pain!

Heuristics Twilight, heuristics... Applejack was in pain and she needed comfort. There was the simplified problem. I put a hoof on her shoulder. It felt wildly inadequate, but at least it was something. "You're not a bad pony." I said lamely. At least I knew it was true.

We just sat there like that for a long, long time... The rushing of the warm wind was the only sound.

"Twi..." She said finally.

I blinked. "Yes Applejack?"

"I'm sorry about your uncle."

That wound cracked open for the second time tonight. "Me too."

Step 2: Trying Things!

View Online

I hadn't seen Applejack for a couple of days. Things hadn't exactly ended badly... Well, no more badly than they'd started at least, but...

I felt like kicking myself. If my studies had taught me anything it was that emotional problems take time and work. You can't just drag someone into therapy with no warning and assume it will fix everything.

I found myself checking my shelving organization for the third time in a row. Spike pushed the library cart to the side and gave me a confused look. "Twilight? Is everything alright?"

I sighed. "Sorry, Spike, I guess there's just been a lot going on recently."

The little dragon put a claw to his chin. "Hmm... We've been working here for a bit, why don't we break for lunch and you can tell me all about it? Does grilled lettuce, tomato and cheese sound good?"

I smiled. "Have I mentioned how amazing you are?"

He smirked. "It goes without saying, now come on! I've got some new rye-bread I want to try..."

I followed Spike to the kitchen and sat down at the little crystal table while he whipped up lunch. Some days I'd try to help him out, but honestly he was so much better at cooking than me that I mostly just got in his way.

I eyed the fruit bowl on the table. For the first time it occurred to me just how much of Applejack was in this room.

When the girls had decorated this place I thought that AJ's touches were by far the most subtle. She hadn't brought in furniture like Rarity or massive plushies like Fluttershy, but instead had decided to decorate the kitchen with... well, food.

There were a couple of bales of hay with a little drop cloth underneath (I had no idea how I was ever going to get through them) and she'd hung some dried herbs by the windows, giving it a homey feel and making the tree look so much more alive than it had before.

Adding to that theme were the little window gardens. I'd never had much of a green thumb, but for some reason they were flourishing. Spike was even carving up tomatoes from one of them for our lunch. Maybe it was that oh so elusive 'earth pony magic' that manifested in so many little ways. They were certainly built with love, that's for sure.

I sighed and a sandwich appeared in front of me. Spike smiled. "Here you go, fresh from the dragon fire! Now, would you mind telling me what the problem is?"

I took a bite of the sandwich, nodding appreciatively as I chewed. "I'm not sure how much I can say. It's a bit... private."

He grimaced. "It's not some sort of sex thing is it?"

I looked away. "No, nothing like that..." At least not for that definition of the word. "I guess the best way to put it is that I have a friend who needs some help with something private, but it's not just one little problem. It's a major bunch of long term problems that are deeply intertwined."

He nodded, considering. "Applejack?"

I nearly spat out my sandwich. "Wha-? H-how did you know!?"

He held up his claws. "Whoa there, I didn't for certain until you said that, I just guessed because I saw a bunch of her books downstairs. I didn't realize she had such a collection."

"Oh..." I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. A worrying thought crossed my mind. "Uh... Spike, you didn't read anything sensitive did you?" I asked.

He looked genuinely confused. "Uhh... Not unless you count that super messed up Zebra Witchdoctor comic. Man, that thing was creeepy. Is AJ dealing with internalized bigotry or something?"

I snorted. "Not to my knowledge. The books are a mix of some of her stuff and a few generations of her family's. Could... Could I ask you to avoid reading any more of those for a bit? Some of them are a little personal."

His eyes widened. "Oookay, I'll stop, but now you've got me curious."

I sighed. "I'm afraid you'd just have to ask AJ." Not that she would tell him. She didn't even feel safe enough to tell me...

He looked concerned. "She's not in super serious trouble, right? Is this a 'I really should pry because she'll explode twice if I don't' thing?"

I shook my head, downing the rest of my sandwich. "No... It's... more complicated than that. AJ just needs something that makes her happy right now."

He blinked. "Wait... AJ needs to feel happy? Don't you have a trump card for that?"

I tilted my head. "Spike, what are you talkin-?"

And then it hit me.

#

I hadn't seen Twi for a couple of days. Things hadn't exactly ended badly... Well, no more badly than they'd started at least, but...

I knew I'd messed up. She'd tried to help, and all I could do was nag about how much better she was than me.

I dumped another load of weeds into the compost pile, I guess I'd just need to-

"HI!" An excited squeal declared.

"Gyahhh!!!" I stumbled back into the weed pile. Looking down on me was a grinning pink mare.

I should've known. I groaned. "Hi Pinky... Could I get a hoof up here?" I swear that girl had a horn on her somewhere. I'd never seen an earth pony just pop up out of nowhere before she came to town.

She nodded, "Okey doki!" She hauled me up. I brushed a thistle out of my hair and did my best to smile. "So, what brings you to Sweet Apple Acres?"

"Pie!" Pinkie said.

I blinked. "Uh... Ya'll wanted to buy one?"

She shook her head. "No silly! The Cakes and I wanted to ask you about some of your recipes! Right, serious face!" She pulled out a necktie from... actually I had no clue where she got it, and did her best to repress her standard massive grin. "Sugarcube corner would like to make a business arrangement with you. You allow us to use your recipes and we give you a percentage of the stuff we sell, along with advertisements for your produ..."

She groaned, sticking out her tongue. "Uuugh. This businessy stuff is hard! How do you and Rarity do it?"

I chuckled. "Long and arduous practice, sugar cube. And I could see a little arrangement like that working out, but I'd have to run it by Granny, she makes all the recipes."

Pinkie nodded. "I totally get that, but..." She looked pensive.

I raised an eyebrow. "What?"

She grimaced. "It's just... I kinda, sorta, maybe said you'd have time today for a baking demonstration."

I blinked. "Wait, a what?"

#

I had no idea how I'd let myself get talked into this.

"I know right! They didn't even bother to write the transition!" Pinkie said.

I stared at her. "What?"

She grinned. "Don't worry about it, so what are you going to make!?" She asked.

We were standing in the back of Sugar Cube Corner staring at a mountain of baking supplies, candies, spices...

Honestly it might've been faster to list what they didn't have. I needed to get me a kitchen like this... Not that I could afford it.

I turned to Pinkie. "Pinks, not that I don't like to throw down in the heat of the oven, but Granny is the one who wrote all those famous Apple Family recipes. None of them are mine to share."

Pinkie looked disappointed. I winced. I'd known this was a bad idea to start. The cakes wanted to dig into something sweet in an hour, but there was no way I could wake up Granny from her nap and talk her into the deal that fast.

I was basically just here to disappoint a friend... Again.

"Boop!" Pinkie said, poking me on the nose. "You don't need to be a mopey dopey Jacky Wacky! I know just what we'll do!"

I blinked. "What?"

She rolled her eyes. "Wow, is that your new favorite word? Anywho I know just what'll fix this! We need an AJ original!"

I eyed the mountain of baking supplies. I wasn't certain. I mean, Granny's recipes had been fine tuned for generations of Apples, could I really come up with something worth selling right off the cuff?

I turned to Pinkie, she looked expectant.

I gulped. What the heck, something was better than nothing. "Okay then. I'll give it a shot!"

Pinkie hopped up and down in excitement, you could practically see the joy flowing off of her. "That's the spirit! All ya gotta do is get a cup of flour add it to the mix! Sing it with me!"

I smirked. I had no idea what she was on about, but I guessed I could play along, "Add a teaspoon of chilli powder, a bit of salt just a pinch!"

She giggled, "Baking these treats is tons of fun it'll make you smile I betcha!"

I smiled. "Now you've got it lass! Let's kick some ass! And see just what will get yaaaaa!"

We sang together! "Pie crust! Some sweet and flaky pie crust! Don't be too hasty, pie crust! Pie crust, pie crust, pie crust!!!!"

#

Mr. Cake's expression was borderline unfit for polite company. "Alicorns above... I've never tasted anything like this!"

Ms. Cake nodded, padding her ample belly. "I do think we have a winner here deary... Although I admit it's a bit dry."

The married stallion picked up another bite. "Here honey bun, try it with the ice cream!"

He guided the spoon to her mouth and her eyes went wide. "Sweet Celestia that's just what it needed! Applejack, what do you call this?"

I blushed. "Well, I haven't come up with a name yet. It's peanut butter apple pie with a chocolate chilli crust and chocolate ice cream on top. I'm with Ms. Cake, it really needs to be a la mode. I thought about adding some whipped cream on top too, but I figured that'd be like gilding a lily."

Mr. Cake swallowed another bite thoughtfully. "You know when Pinkie suggested this I wasn't sure, but I have to say we'd love to feature this recipe on the menu! We already carry plenty of ice cream so that won't be an issue... Do you have some time to work out the details?"

I nodded, tilting down my stetson. Now I was in my element. We sat down and haggled for a few minutes. Eventually we worked out that Sweet Apple Acres would get a solid 45% of the profits from the sale of the pies provided we were willing to provide the apples for 'em at cost.

It seemed like a pretty great deal to me, so we shook on it (I decided against a spit shake, these ponies were in food service after all) and left that place feeling a heck of a lot better than I had in a while. I'd made money, invented something completely new, and hung out with one of my best friends.

Still... something was bugging me. I turned back just as Pinkie was closing the door and asked if she had a sec.

She nodded, hopping outside to join me. "Sure AJ, what's up?"

I scratched at the back of my head. "It's just... Mr. Cake said you were the one who thought of this, is that true?"

She nodded. "Yeppers! Great idea huh?"

I raised an eyebrow. "It really was, but... What brought this on?"

She stopped for a moment, literally she just froze. It was right peculiar.

I was starting to get nervous. "Uhh... Pinks?"

"She's worried about you AJ." She said finally. "She didn't make me promise not to tell you, but... I don't know it all feels so wibbly wobbly touchy feely uncomfy wumphy."

Somehow I actually understood that. "Twilight asked you to cheer me up?"

Pinkie nodded. "Yeah... She seemed guilty when she asked. AJ did she do something mean to you? Because I know Twilight and I'm super duper sure she'd never hurt you on purpose, ever."

I felt my heart race a little. Did Twilight think I hated her?

I grit my teeth. There was another friend that needed my attention. I put a hoof on the pink mare's shoulder. "I know, sugar cube. There ain't nothin' that could come between Twi and me, don't you fret."

Pinkie hugged me, long and tight. I chuckled, hugging her back. There was a long, very comfortable silence.

"For the record, y'all really know how to lift a mare's spirits." I said finally.

She giggled. "It's what I do!"

Step 3: Build support

View Online

I creaked the door open and there was Applejack, soaked to the bone.

She smiled, vaguely, she was clearly repressing a shiver. "H-Hey Twi. W-would you mind if I came inside?"

I blanched. "Holy... AJ yes! Hurry, you'll catch your death!"

The moment she stepped through the door I levitated over a towel (stored here for specifically such purposes) and started drying her off. "What were you thinking coming out in this weather! The pegasi had this storm planned months ago!"

She chuckled. "It's really alright Twi, I'm just a little wet."

I grabbed the towel with my hooves, scrubbing my frustration away. "It could have been a lot worse than that! Why are you even here at this time of night? I..." I stopped after finding myself dangerously close to her flanks.

I blushed. "Um... Maybe you should finish up."

AJ turned crimson, but took the towel with a nod.

After she finished up I took us to the library. We ended up on the couch, just sort of staring into space.

"I'm sorry..." I managed finally.

Applejack's eyes widened. "Twilight, I was here to apologize! You were trying to help me and I just..."

I balked. "AJ, all you did was open up! You were honest, it's what I rely on you for, it's what the world relies on you for!"

She shook her head. "You were the one who opened up... I was in the perfect place to talk about my feelings and all I could talk about was how much worse-"

"WOULD YOU TWO JUST GET A ROOM ALREADY!" Spike shouted.

We froze. Spike was standing in the doorway with my tea set in claw.

I felt my cheeks burning. "S-spike! How long have you been here?"

He groaned. "Long enough..." He hit the tea kettle with a quick gout of flame and set it down in front of us. "Now, are you two going to tell me what's going on? Seriously, I'm used to being left out of the loop, but this is ridiculous."

I bit my lip. He wasn't wrong, but this wasn't something I felt comfortable sharing. "I'm sorry Spike, but this is an exceptionally personal matter. You need to-"

AJ held up a hoof. "It's okay Twi."

I stared at her. She had a look of stubborn determination on her face. "Spike saved my dang life at least twice." She said. "If I can't trust him, who can I trust?"

She walked over to the little dragon and knelt down. "I'm sorry about the trouble, sugar cube. Twilight's just been helping me out because I've been tryin' to actively deal with a bunch of junk from my past."

He raised an eyebrow. "What sort of stuff?"

She sighed. "I guess I should just spit it out... Basically I feel like I've been using being an orphan as a crutch. Like I haven't dealt with it really, so I haven't moved-"

The little dragon ran up and hugged her leg.

She blushed. "Okay then... Yeah, it'd be pretty hard for y'all to not know about that one... But that's not the only excuse I give for not living my life to the fullest..."

I felt myself tensing. Please Spike don't let me down...

"I'm a trans mare." She said, finally.

Spike blinked. "You... You can turn into a car?"

I facehoofed so hard I think I knocked my brain backwards. Applejack fell down laughing.

Spike crossed his arms. "Okay, okay, ha ha, let's all laugh at the little dragon who doesn't know what words mean... Sheesh!"

Applejack wiped a little tear from her eye and her giggles calmed down. "Sorry Spike, after all I've been through over being trans it was just funny to bump into a transmorpher's reference."

He perked up. "You read transmorphers comics?"

She shrugged. "I did back in the day... I admit I wonder if I should pick them up again. Did they ever manage to rescue Robotron?"

Spike shook his head. "Nah, Cyber Slicer got him in the end which caused Gear Head to transform into his ultimate form... So what does being a trans mare actually mean?"

She tilted her hat. "It means I was born with the body of a stallion, even though I'm actually a mare."

Spike tilted his head. "Huh? You don't have a Stallion's body."

She nodded. "That's because some doctors and me fixed it a long time ago."

The little dragon looked completely lost. "Oookay... So... What's the problem? I mean, I get having the body of a stallion must have sucked, I have no idea how I'd live with myself as a dragoness... But, it doesn't seem like it's much of a problem anymore."

She shrugged. "I mean, Discord's in the details. There's all these little things about how they put me back together that bug me... But mostly you're right."

She walked over to the book-shelves and rested her hoof against them. "I just... I guess that part's more about me not feeling real, or good enough you know? I know that's plum foolish of me, but it's hard to shake. It's like... Why would anypony ever want to hang out with me when they could have a normal mare?"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Puh-lease! You're talking to a baby dragon, being normal is so overrated. Besides, you're one of the most awesome ponies I know! If you looking like a boy back when dinosaurs roamed Equestria is enough to drive someone away then they weren't worth your time in the first place."

She turned back, smiling. "Thanks Spike... That means a lot."

He blushed. "Yeah, well... It's kind of something I tell myself a bunch..."

Okay, I couldn't sit there anymore. I picked that little dragon up and hugged him tight.

He stuck out his tongue. "Okay, okay, I get it Twilight! You've got my back too... Enough with the mushy stuff."

Applejack smirked. "Y'all threw the first hug sugar cube."

Spike sighed.

I let the little dragon go, blushing. "Sorry."

There was a pause.

"Sooo..." Spike said finally. "What now?"

#

Spike Raised up his little plastic air-ship bot. "Y'arr! Sky Pirates don't fall so easily!"

I held up my little plastic robot in retaliation. "Now see here Wind Cutter! I may be nothin' but a lowly apple cart transmorpher, but there ain't no way I'm going to let you get away with this!"

Spike laughed an evil laugh. "We'll see about that!"

We smashed our action figures together in a flurry of angry plastic.

Meanwhile, Twilight was leafing through the comic books. "I don't get it, why does Mega-cron spend all of his time trying to destroy the Prime Bots and attacking populated planets when he could get charge crystals by mining asteroids? These people have easy space travel for pity's sake!"

Spike groaned, spinning his toy's propellers. "Twilight it's just a fun adventure story, you might as well ask why Ahuizotl is messing things up in the Daring Do books."

"But he's real!" Twi objected. "And his nuanced backstory is perfectly explained in book four!"

I scratched the back of my head. "I think there might be a compromise here. I mean, there's a limited amount of charge crystals in the universe right? And the Prime Bots need them just as much as the Nego Robos do. Maybe his attacks are sold to his people as a pre-emptive strikes against the Prime Bot menace... While he's actually just a no good phony that gets off on hurting folk." I concluded.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Sure... That makes sense..." The alicorn yawned, she glanced at the clock. "Yeesh, it's getting late. Has the storm died down at all?"

I shook my head, matching her yawn with one of my own. "I think it's supposed to last through the night."

Twilight nodded. "Nothing for it then... Spike, could you fetch a pillow and blanket for AJ? I'm sorry all I have to offer you is the couch. I had a spare bed in my old place, but it... exploded."

I smiled. "Don't fret about me, I'm used to roughing it."

She smiled back. It was warm, unguarded... Just amazing in every way...

Spike left. I knew what I had to do.

I picked myself up off the floor and plopped myself on the far end of the couch from that mare. She turned to me, confused.

Just do it ya coward... "Twi?"

"Yes Applejack?"

I gulped. "Would... Would y'all like to go out some time?"

Her eyes widened. I braced myself for the worst...

Then her smile came back. "You know what? Yes Applejack, yes I would."

Step 4: Planning things out

View Online

The next morning I woke up wondering what in Equestria I had just done.

I turned over in my bed, my mane falling on my face. Breathe Twilight, breathe!

Okay, I needed to think. No gut reactions, just cold logic. It was list time!

I quickly levitated over a little notepad and a quill. "Right, pros and cons time."

Pro: I have a date. A FIRST DATE.

Okay, I'll admit the little school filly inside me wanted to bounce around the room at that, but I sent her to the corner. I needed to be rational about this... Though I suppose that I was having trouble being rational while this elated was definitely a pro.

Con: Applejack is not entirely mentally healthy

I'll admit, I wasn't sure how mentally healthy I was so it was hard to hold against her, but AJ's neuroses were pretty severe... On the other hoof she was confronting them which was one of the most healthy things she could do and it's not like she was non-functional or violent or anything.

I left it in the con list, but put a question mark next to it.

Pro: In the moment my subconscious totally wanted her.

I hadn't even had to make a list when I was first asked. I was definitely attracted to her, which was odd because it had taken me a while to realize it and I'd only ever been attracted to stallions before.

I blanched. Oh Celestia... was I just attracted to her because I thought of her as a stallion now? I imagined a male version of Applejack asking me out and found to my relief I didn't want him, I wanted her... Though I would be lying if I said the imaginary male version of her wasn't attractive. I imagined myself sandwiched between a male and female version of her to see which one I'd pick physically, but the thought experiment rapidly became both not safe for polite discussion and unhelpful in the selection process.

Moving aside from my recently discovered filthy bisexual mind I went back to the list.

Con: Dating Applejack could ruin our friendship.

I know I wasn't an expert on love, but it was practically a cliche that exes didn't get along. If we decided that we weren't right for each other would the breakup destroy the amazing thing we had already? Would Equestria be eaten by giant worm monsters if we broke up and the rainbow connection stopped working?

That was a pretty chilling thought. But on the other hoof...

Pro: She could end up being your supportive life long special somepony. We would be embraced by our friends and help each other through life's hardships for the rest of our days. Our relationship could even give us access to love magic if we ever needed to save Equestria and I could finally try out some of those cool physical things they talk about in the romance section of-

I stopped writing. Okay, yes, again I was infatuated with her, and sexually attracted to her, but those were not good things to base a relationship on... were they?

I felt a headache coming on. This theoretically positive development was getting really stressful. Usually in situations like this I'd go talk to Applejack to get some simple grounded advice, but obviously I couldn't do that...

Only then did I remember that Applejack was still a guest in my house and I should really check on her.

I forced myself out of bed. Part of me wanted to spend a lot of time getting ready so I'd look my best for her, but I knew that wasn't sustainable in the long run. I trotted down the stairs in my pajamas and looked in on the library.

To my surprise, Applejack was gone.

#

I knocked on the boutique's door so hard I thought it was going to splinter. Our resident fashionista appeared in mane curlers and a bathrobe with startlingly heavy bags under her eyes. "Applejack dear, it's 7:30 in the morning, whatever it is, is there any chance we could-?"

"Ah asked out Twilight!" I cried.

Her eyes went wide. "I'll make some tea."

She left the door open and I followed inside. The boutique looked slightly less kempt in the dim sunlight of early morning before she'd set everything out, but I hardly paid attention. I sat down at Rarity's little marble topped kitchen table and watched the mare put a kettle on.

As soon as that thing started heating she tackled me in an embrace. "It'll all be okay Applejack," She said, squeezing me tight enough my lungs were taking issue, "I'm proud of you for putting yourself out there. Heartbreak is a terrible thing, but it passes. And I know..."

I blinked into her fluffy robe. "Uh... Rarity? Twilight said yes."

She dropped me instantly, "WHAT!?!"

I hit the floor pretty hard, but that didn't bother me so much. My ears were another matter. "Consarnit Rarity, do you have to wake the whole town?!"

She wasn't even listening. She'd started pacing back and forth, tapping her feet nervously on the hard tile floor. "This doesn't make any sense! There's been absolutely no romantic tension building up to this! Since when does Twilight even like mares?" Somehow she blanched whiter. "Oh Celestia... Did you tell her? Does she see you as a stallion now?"

I choked. "What? No!"

At least I hoped... Oh horse apples what if she did? What if she was straight as an arrow and everything she felt for me was just some subconscious need for me to be something I wasn't? I felt a nasty pain twisting in my gut.

Rarity stopped, noticing my distress. "Oh dear..." She put a hoof on my shoulder. "I am so sorry Applejack, I really didn't..." She let out a sigh and shook her head. "I'm not sure if there's an apology that's adequate."

She looked down. I'd seen Rarity sad lots of times. Usually it had some fire behind it though, like she was putting on a play and wanted the whole world to see...

This was different. This was cold sad. I didn't see it often, but we'd known each other for a long, long time...

I picked her chin up. "Rarity, y'all listen alright? I know you didn't mean nothing by putting that thought in my head. I ain't made of glass. Besides, y'all are my best, oldest friend and I ain't gonna let no little slip up ruin that."

She hugged me. Less dramatically this time, but more honestly. "Thank you Applejack... I just... After last week when you came in with that book I just felt like a lot of terrible things had come back. I hadn't even thought about those bits of our... your past for years."

I chuckled. "You can say 'our' sugar cube. I think it's safe to say you were there for a lot of it. Took more than a few licks yerself too."

She smiled, grimly. "I suppose so."

We just sort of sat there for a minute. The sun was rising higher in the distance and some proper light was trickling in through the windows.

"Rarity?" I said finally.

She looked up from my shoulder. "Yes Applejack?"

"Why did it take us so long to realize we were friends?"

She chuckled. "I think we both needed to grow a little less shallow."

Before I could object to the "both" part of that statement the tea kettle whistled. Rarity went over to take it off the heat and I snatched a pair of mugs from the cupboard.

"So..." Rarity began, "Does Twilight know?"

I sighed, accepting a mug of trottingham breakfast gratefully. "She does. She figured it out right after our last talk. She's kind of been helping me through a lot of stuff. Heck, even Spike knows now."

She raised an eyebrow. "Spike? He's certainly a noble, precious soul, but I admit I'm surprised he's the... Good heavens, the third of our friends group to know?"

I nodded. Land's sake... I'd really told two more people. It felt... good, actually. Not like a deep down revelation or anything, but I guess now if push came to shove I would be able to talk to more than just Rarity about all this nonsense.

She sat down on the other side of the table with a little smirk, blowing the steam from her mug. "I have to admit, it's rather impressive to see you coming out of that shell of yours." She took a sip of her tea. "But that begs the question: Why are you here? Shouldn't you be either at home planning or exchanging fleeting glances with your paramor?" She got an evil twinkle in her eye. "You didn't ask for a formal date, did you?"

"NO!" I said with just as much force as where this was going deserved. I kept telling Rarity that the "muscle bound ingenue" look was never going to bucking work, but she still kept tryin' to put me in pink.

She held up her hooves apologetically. "Alright, alright... So why then?"

I let out a breath. There was a little shake in my hoof. "It's just... Am I doing the right thing? Twilight and I have built something up, but what if this is me reaching out for a relationship to deal with my issues? I know that's not healthy. What if she feels pressured into all of this because of how sad I've been lately?" I bit my lip. "And what if I'm just... You know physically I'm-"

There was a burst of purple light as Twilight appeared on the table with more than a few loose hairs in her mane and a notebook full of scribbles in her magic. "Rarity! I need your help! Applejack asked me out on a date and I said yes and I really like her and I wanna go, but-"

She turned her head around, spotting me... I... I don't think I'd ever seen a shade that red before. And I harvested red delicious with Big Macintosh.

Rarity, for her part, just calmly sipped her tea with little more than a wince. "Good morning Twilight. Why don't you take a seat? We have much to discuss..."

The Fashionista Explains it All

View Online

It was 8:00 am. I hadn't even taken out my hair curlers yet and I could already tell it was going to be a very long day.

Still, a lady must keep her composure even in the face of grave difficulties. Especially when those difficulties involve friends.

Twilight was more than a little embarrassed by her outburst, quickly crawling off the table and plopping her rear in one of my imported giraffewood chairs. I noticed that in spite of her supposed doubts, she pulled her chair right next to Applejack. I felt oddly like a teacher who had stumbled into two misbehaving foals.

I took a sip of my tea and cleared my throat. "Applejack, may she know that I know?"

The farmer raised an eyebrow. "Know what?"

"I think she meant that she knows that you're trans..." Twilight injected. Her eyes widened. "Oh no! Applejack I'm so sorry I said that!"

I rolled my eyes. "It's alright Twilight, I know."

"Can we stop with the 'knowing'?" Applejack cut in. "At this point I'm half expecting Pinkie to show up and start yammering about baseball." The farmer snorted angrily. "Besides, what in the hay does all of that have to do with who I date?"

I stirred my tea. "Nothing, particularly given your specific circumstances, but you yourself seemed to think you weren't good enough for Twilight because of it."

Said princess balked. "I would never say that!" Applejack just looked nervous.

I nodded. "Yes Twilight, and I'm sure Applejack knows that on an intellectual level." I turned to the farmer. "Isn't that right?"

She nodded, but she didn't look convinced.

I put my hooves on the table. "This is not about intellect. Intellectually it is obvious that you two would make a good, if somewhat boring, pair."

Applejack raised an eyebrow and Twilight narrowed her eyes. "Boring?" the farmer asked.

I sighed. "What I mean to say is that if we used some sort of match making personality matrix.... which I'm sure Twilight has already put together..."

The princess looked away, blushing.

"...Then you two are perfectly compatible. You're both devoted to your work, caring and honest. You take a no-nonsense approach to solving problems. In a crisis you are natural leaders, but still capable of listening to each other's advice." I shrugged. "Frankly if that was all there was to it, I would say you'd never encounter a problem that couldn't be solved in two minutes over tea."

Twilight nodded. "Okay... Then, why are we so nervous?"

"You mean aside from the usual first date jitters?" I said, taking another sip. "That would be because Applejack has serious inadequacy issues and Twilight is worried about her ability to be a good romantic partner because romance is emotionally complex and potentially volatile."

I waited for the inevitable backlash, the fear, the accusations...

They never came.

"I reckon that makes sense." AJ returned.

"It does explain a lot." Twilight agreed.

My romantic soul died a little. They were even more boring than I'd feared...

"Hang on a tick," Applejack began. "Twi, if your whole problem is just that you don't know what to do, then why can't we just accept that we both have a lot to learn and go from there?"

Twilight threw up her hooves in frustration. "Applejack! Being in a relationship isn't something you should just dive into hoping for the best! If I mess up I'm going to seriously hurt you! And I have no clue why you could think you're inadequate. You're one of the most mature, capable mares I know and you've saved the world multiple times."

Applejack winced. "Twi, I'm a two bit apple farmer who doesn't have any education or two bits to rub together. You're a princess living in an enchanted castle chosen directly by a sun god as a leader of ponies."

Twilight could barely believe what she was hearing. "Socioeconomic class differences? Really? Those are totally meaningless! And I'm a barely contained bottle of neuroses with a tendency to manufacture evil dolls! I'm not some kind of flawless paragon you could never-"

"ENOUGH!" I shouted.

The ponies stopped arguing.

I know, I know, not very ladylike, but sometimes one needs to be blunt.

I cleared my throat. "Well, as you can see, your relationship does have some real, serious hurdles." I took another sip of tea. "For the record though, they certainly aren't insurmountable. The question is, now that they're on the table do you still want to make the attempt?"

The two ponies looked at each other, there were a dozen different emotions playing across their faces, attraction, and repulsion, and worry all mixing together in a terrible mess of feeling.

Finally Applejack turned to me. "Yes."

"Why?" I asked. It needed to be asked.

"Because she's worth it." The farmer replied. "I'll admit, there's a dumb little part of me that hopes she'll grow out of the over-cautiousness thing, but honestly... I'm okay with it. She ain't perfect, but she's Twi. She's still the gorgeous mare that's always sticking up for me." She eyed the scholar, smiling. "I'm okay with her being a little worried. It's just who she is and... I want her."

Twilight smiled, then frowned. "Applejack, I know we come from different places, but I really, truly don't think I'm better than you. Maybe I had some advantages you didn't... Okay I definitely did, but you have a lot of strengths that I don't. I admire you and I want you to be happy." She looked down. "There are some times I feel sorry for you... And I guess that's gotten worse with you telling me all the bad stuff you've gone through... But, when I said yes I wasn't talking to the Applejack I was sorry for. It was strong, caring Applejack who'd just been hanging around having fun with me."

She touched her hoof to the farmer's. "I guess what I'm saying is... I like you, I respect you and I want to see where this goes."

There was a long pause.

Then Applejack hugged her tight and I was forced to repress a sniffle. Maybe there was a little romance in them after all.

#

The actual date happened two days later.

I'd claimed the right to do the planning on account of being the one to ask. It was an odd situation really. Rarity had told me first dates were about getting to know some pony, but Twi and I had been friends for such a long time that that seemed a little silly. Finally I'd just decided on something simple.

So it came to be that on a Saturday night, just as the weather was starting to warm up I saw Twilight cresting over a hill to meet me. The crisp wind through the apple trees brushed her hair aside and for a moment she was more beautiful than I'd ever imagined.

When she finally got to the top she let out an exhausted breath. "Man, we're pretty deep in the depths of your farm. So what's this big surprise?"

I pointed down the hill to the nearby barn with its side painted solid white.

She was confused for a moment. Then smiled when she saw the old projector. "Applejack, where did you find this?"

I chuckled. "We've got a lot of old junk in the outbuildings. It was right next to this." I opened a little box filled with spools of film.

She lifted one up with her magic. "Moonlight's Song... The Brass Band Boys... AJ, what are these?"

I shrugged. "No clue."

Twilight seemed absolutely lost. "Wait, so for our first date, you want to watch a bunch of films with me... And you have no idea what they actually are?"

I bit my lip. Now was time for the big risk. "Twi... I found these movies in the shed. The same place I found those old books. I could have watched them before without you, found the best one... I could have done a lot of things."

I tapped the case. "But this way, what's in here? It's a mystery. And... I guess I'd like to learn what's there." I looked down. "You know, just a little adventure. Together."

Twilight stared at me. "Applejack?" she asked.

I looked up. "Yes Twi?"

"How do you feel about kissing on the first date?" She asked with a blush.

I smiled. "I'm easy."

Twilight leaped on me and our lips met. We had no idea what we were doing, but skies above did it feel nice...

Finally we parted, gasping for breath. I gestured Twi over to a little pile of cushions and put in the first film. As we watched a pegasus mare come singing out of her little cottage I felt a wing creeping around me.

I snuggled into it, just letting Twilight's warmth flow through me.

After a few minutes Twilight turned to me. "Um... Applejack?"

I blinked. "Yes sugarcube?"

Twilight blushed. "Um... These mystery movies... That you're projecting right out in the open... Are you sure they're all... Appropriate?"

I blanched. "I'll take a look at the frames on the next one before I put it in."

"Good call."

Oh! Yeah, I'm Gay

View Online

I was submitting a brief on revising the estate tax laws to Princess Celestia and I was still grinning from ear to ear.

Last night had been amazing! The movies turned out to be an old collection of musicals. Some were good, some were bad, all of them were definitely out of touch with modern Equestria...

But, they were background noise for the main event. I hadn't expected our first date to be quite so intimate, but we'd spent most of the viewing cuddling on top of a pile of pillows.

She was so warm... Plus she smelled amazing. Was it weird that I liked her smell?

I put down my quill and leaned back in my chair. Come to think of it, I'd expected Applejack to smell like a stallion up close, did hormones change pheromones? I'd have to ask her... If she felt comfortable talking about it.

Eh, I wasn't going to worry about that right now. I was definitely infatuated and we'd started to build up some of the personal connection needed for something more long term too.

Oooh! I couldn't wait to tell Shining and Cadence about my marefriend!

My eyes went wide.

Oh, right...

My marefriend...

#

Boy howdy was it a good day to be alive! I was pruning my trees, I was tearing out weeds, I was kicking out Rainbow Dash...

I tousled her little pegasus mane and she stared up at me groggily.

I waved from the ladder. "Howdy Rainbow! Isn't it just beautiful out! You run a fantastic weather team."

Dash stared at me from the branch. "Uh... Hi AJ... Have I mentioned how much I appreciate our meaningful friendship?"

I followed her gaze to my pruning shears and chuckled. "Aw, don't you worry none about these. You might want to get off that branch though." She leaped up as I cut out the dead wood.

I made my way back down. "You know if y'all were lookin' for napping spots the hay loft is a real nice one! It's best to lie down on the bales covered in tarps though because hay in your mane stings something awful."

She stared at me. "Wait, what? What happened to 'Rainbow get out of my trees!'"

I shrugged. "Guess you just caught me in a good mood. Now, as I was sayi-"

A very familiar flash of purple appeared in front of me and a bedraggled Princess of Friendship appeared, grabbing me by the shoulders. "APPLEJACK I JUST REALIZED WE'RE GAY!"

I blinked, I was very confused. "Uh... Yeah?"

Rainbow blinked. "Wait, you two are gay? Like, gay together gay."

I turned, blushing. "I mean... We've only been on the one date so far, but... Yeah." I turned to Twi. "Sugar cube, are you okay?"

She responded by twitching. "Oh, I'm fine! It's just that now that I'm officially infatuated with a mare that means that I need to come out and figure out my sexuality and..." She shivered. "I mean it's just a huge change in my identity and the way others see me." She curled up into a ball. "I just don't know what to do..."

I bit my lip and pulled her into a hug like I should have done the second she showed up. "Shh... It's okay Twi..."

For her part Dash was scratching her head. "Wait, why is this such a big deal? I work weather, half my team is gay."

We both stopped. Twi gave her a funny look. "What?"

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? Neither of you has heard the flamboyant gay weatherpony stereotype?"

I blinked. "Uh... No Dash, that's a new one."

She rolled her eyes. "Ground ponies."

Twilight had gone from distraught to confused. "Wait, so are you gay?"

She shrugged. "Not really, hetero-flexible at most. I'm cool with you girls though... So long as you don't try to talk me into a three way."

I turned crimson.

"Rainbow!" Twilight shouted. "Why in Equestria would we do that?"

Rainbow's looked insulted. "Seriously? You're honestly telling me you wouldn't want some of this?" She gestured to her figure.

I snorted. "Rainbow, I'm going to have to pass on account of half the time you sleep in my trees. Maybe if we introduced you to this thing called 'soap'..."

The pegasus groaned. "Oh screw you guys."

I chuckled. "Seriously though. Thanks for being so reasonable about this."

She grinned. "No problem. Is it okay if I tell other ponies or is this a Pinkie Pie thing?"

I would have said it was okay, but... I turned to Twilight, she still looked nervous.

I cleared my throat. "Ah... Rainbow? I'm okay if you mention to folks that I like mares, but I think Twilight needs a little time. Could y'all give her a bit?"

Dash nodded. "You got it AJ!" She blinked, eyeing the sky. "Uh... Do you know what time it is?"

"10:33 am." Twilight responded.

Dash grimaced. "Horse apples, I'm gonna be late! Catch ya later lover girls!"

That said she vanished in a flash, thankfully not destroying any of my trees in the process.

I turned to Twilight. "So, y'all hungry?"

#

I had somehow ended up in the Apples' family room sandwiched between Big Macintosh and Granny Smith. AJ was in the kitchen, making grilled cheese with banana bread.

Granny Smith smiled. "So how long have you two been together?" She asked.

My eyes went wide. "What?! I..."

The old mare rolled her eyes. "Now don't be like that. It's obvious."

Big Mac nodded. "Eyup."

I blushed. I guess I had been clinging to her pretty tight when she brought me in.

Granny Smith narrowed her eyes. "Y'all aren't ashamed of my granddaughter are ya?"

I held up my hooves. "No! Of course not! Applejack's amazing! I'd sell my left hoof to be with her... It's just..." I sighed. "I guess I'm worried about what ponies will think of us."

Granny Smith nodded. "Twilight, everyone who's been in Ponyville for a while knows AJ likes mares... Well, stallions too, but mostly mares. Heck, half the ponies chantin' her name when she goes off in one of them rodeo competitions know too. It just don't come up much 'cause she ain't been all that interested in meeting ponies 'till now."

Applejack was already out of the stable? That actually did make me feel better. Maybe I was over reacting. Maybe I could spring board this relationship as part of an outreach program to at risk LGBT youth! I felt a little smile coming back.

Granny saw my expression and raised an eyebrow. "Well someone's been hit by the love bug pretty hard. Y'all didn't answer my question though."

I blushed. "We actually just had our first date last night. She showed me a bunch of old musicals she found."

Granny grinned. "She dug up great uncle Fuji's old collection? Dang, I hadn't thought about those for ages. How'd ya like 'Anise Get Your Gun?'"

I smiled. "It wasn't bad, but I preferred 'South Marecific".

Granny put a hoof on my shoulder. "Don't you fret about this young un'. It ain't like in my day. Back then my mare friends and I had to sneak into motels through the windows to be together."

I blinked. "Wait... You had marefriends?"

Big Macintosh had suddenly developed a keen interest in the pattern of the wood on the walls.

She blushed "I suppose Applejack takes after her Granny, but really it was just the two from before I met her grandfather. There was one I was pretty serious with, but the fever took her." She sniffled. "That was way back though. My second relationship wasn't all that big a deal. Don't get me wrong, the sex was incredible, but she and I could never really see eye to eye except when we was between the sheets. But good lord did she have delicious teats! And the things she could do with that tongue of hers..."

"Soup's on everypony!" Applejack shouted, a plate of sandwiches balanced on her head.

I didn't respond.

Applejack blinked. "Twi... Are y'all alright?"

I just sat there, frozen, with horrifying images filling my skull.

Granny Smith snorted. "Ugh... Young people, they're such prudes..."

An Opportunity

View Online

I bit my lip. "Spike... I'm bisexual."

The dragon blinked. "Yeah, I know."

"What!?"

He held up his claws defensively. "Twilight, you and Applejack have been all over each other recently and I think it's great. You're coming out of your shell, more power to you two or whatever."

I let out that breath I'd been holding. Okay, so coming out to Spike was done with. Now for the rest.

"Thank you Spike. Can... Can you help me make a list? I'm trying to... You know, come out, but I'm not sure who I should tell and who doesn't need explicit notification and can just learn about it in casual conversation."

Spike nodded, producing a quill and a sheaf of parchment. "Okay, first question: why not have Pinkie Pie throw a coming out party for you? That'd get it all over the place."

I grimaced. "I'm... Still a little nervous about this, I guess. Maybe I'll try something like that after I'm a bit more comfortable."

Spike wrote a note on that and looked up at me. "Next Question: Do you really need to 'come out' come out? I'm not saying hide it, but just sort of let people know if they ask or bump into you with AJ. I mean, no offense, but you liking mares isn't exactly the first thing I'd mention when I met someone."

"Why would that be offensive?" I asked.

Spike shrugged. "I dunno, all this LGBT stuff get's really confusing."

I sighed. "I'll say." I slumped down into the couch. "I just wanted to tell Cadence and Shining about how much fun I've been having with Applejack. I mean... Ugh!" I threw up my hooves. "I still don't even know if it's too early to say something about her... I mean, we had one date!"

Spike climbed up next to me. "I mean, let's be honest here. You've been tight with AJ for a long, long time. I dunno much about romance, but I think the whole point of dating someone is to get to know them and... You kinda know AJ. Maybe the fact that you already have lots of feelings for her is because you've always had those feelings."

That... actually made sense. I smiled. "Where did you get so wise?"

He smirked. "I may have studied under an expert in interpersonal relationships."

I snorted. "Okay then, my apprentice, take a letter."

He produced a quill and parchment and I cleared my throat. "Dear Shining Armor..."

#

I had to admit, as I hauled those weeds out I felt kind of restless.

I mean, it felt wrong to just leave Twilight on her lonesome when she was clearly worried but... I don't know. It's not like I hadn't gone through what she'd gone through. It was just...

I sighed. I couldn't shake the feeling I was bringing her down. I mean, how much easier would her life be if she'd fallen for a boy...? Or a cis mare... Or anyone who wasn't some orphan dirt farmer that had to spend her days hauling weeds to make ends meet.

"Why the frown AJ?" Pinkie asked.

"Gyah!!!" I started, nearly flipping my cart over. "Pinkie! What have I told you about sneaking up on ponies!"

Pinkie looked like I'd hit her. "I didn't sneak up... I walked up right next to you and you didn't see."

I winced. Oh. I tried to compose myself. "Sorry Pinkie, I just... I guess I'm all wrapped up in my own noggin today."

Pinkie looked worried. "You didn't seem very happy. Is everything okay in there?" She patted my head.

I nodded. "Yeah! Well... I guess it ain't perfect. I mean, it's not really bad it's just... I guess I just need to get over some stuff."

The pink pony smiled. "Well then, I have just the thing to cheer you up!" She pulled an envelope.

I blinked. "What? What's this?" I opened it up. Inside was a check from the cakes... For a hundred and twenty seven bits.

My eyes widened.

"It's your cut of the profits from that pie you invented!" The Pink mare said with a giggle.

I sputtered. "Bwuh? But- How! This is way too much!"

She beamed. "Well, I could tell you that the ponies at sugar cube corner really like new things, or that the hype around seeing a Sweet Apple Acres recipe on our shelves drew a bunch of new ponies in, but honestly." She looked around, then leaned in close and whispered in my ear. "It's because it was super delicious!"

I... I could hardly believe what I was hearing. I'd earned that much money in just a few days? Well, I mean I'd have to pay for the apples, but I'd still have over a hundred bits left!

I... I had no idea what to say.

Pinkie chuckled. "You know, the Cakes would love it if you could come up with more concoctions. They said the same deal would apply, but honestly I think you could ask for a better cut."

I shook my head. "Pinkie... I'd love to come down and have some more fun in the kitchen with y'all, but I don't even know what we'd do with this many bits showing up out of nowhere... I mean, I guess I could buy a new harness or two."

Pinkie looked like she had a bad taste in her mouth. "AJ, can I ask you for a favor?"

I blinked. "Uh... Sure, what?"

She gestured to the sky. "Take those bits and do something for you for once. I don't know, fix up your banjo, buy a huge cake, just..." She sighed. "I get the sense that you want to be happier than you used to be. Sometimes that takes a Liiiiittle bit of an investment in yourself."

I winced. "Pinkie, the deal was that Sweet Apple Acres would get 45% of the profits, not me. This stuff is all going to Granny."

"Aw quit bein' fussy youngun'." Came a voice.

To my extreme surprise Granny had wandered over, wearing a sun-hat and a grin on her face.

I really needed to work on my situational awareness.

Granny took a look at the check and whistled. "Not bad, youngun', not bad."

I smiled. "Thanks Granny."

"Still I think your cousin has the right idea." She passed the check back to me.

I stared at her. "But, Granny! Y'all told me you liked the deal I worked out as is!"

She snorted. "Yup, everything except that my grown granddaughter is runnin' around without any spending bits. Y'all are the one who earned that money Applejack. 'Taint right for me to snatch it away."

Okay, now I was plum lost. "Granny, I earn money for the farm all the time! We're a family business, it's how we keep afloat!"

She shook her head. "This ain't the same and y'all know it. This money didn't come off no tree of mine. It's your talent that made that pie recipe AJ, not me. If it helps, spend it on that marefriend of yours; heaven knows I owe her an apology."

I bit my lip. I mean... It would be nice to take Twilight out on a real date. "If ya'll really feel that way, I guess I could take like ten percent of this sort of thing."

Granny balked. "Youngun y'all did the work! If anything I'm the one who should be taking ten percent."

I narrowed my eyes. "Well too bad Granny, because I won't be givin' ya less than seventy five percent."

"Twenty five percent!" She returned.

I grit my teeth. "Fifty-fifty. Final offer!"

"Ugh!" Granny threw her hooves up. "Fine! Bleed me... Wait... What's the opposite of bleedin' someone dry?"

I blinked. "Ah... I don't rightly know."

Granny sighed. "Well that don't matter. From now on we'll split those checks down the middle if it makes ya feel better." She rubbed at her side. "Now if ya don't mind, all that hagglin' gave me a crick in my back." She turned tail and wandered off. "I swear, y'all need to unwind somethin' fierce..."

I looked down at the check. I guess I'd have sixty three fifty to spend... Not that I had a clue what to do with it. I let out a breath and turned to Pinkie. "Say, Pinks do you..."

I stared. Pinkie had a grin on her face so large I thought her head was gonna fly right off. Suddenly she grabbed my shoulders. "YOU HAVE A MAREFRIEND OH MY GOSH TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!"

Shipping and Handling

View Online

"OH MY SWEET AUNTS YOU HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!" The pink alicorn cried, squeezing me so hard I could barely breathe.

I admit, when I'd sent my 'coming out' letter to Equestria's newest power couple I had to admit I was not expecting Cadence to immediately teleport directly into my library.

Shining appeared moments later in a flash of blue light. He was panting and covered in sweat. "Could... Could you please, for the sake of those that do not have access to alicorn magic, take the train..."

Cadence rolled her eyes. "Shining sweetie, you're supposed to use the ritual chamber. It'll cut down the mana expenditure by half."

"I did..." He sputtered. He lifted up a noodley fore hoof. "Hi sis... Congrats on the date by the way... Super proud... Why is your room so green?"

I wanted to tell him his vision was fuzzed and offer him a glass of water, but come to think of it the room was rather green. Had I painted...?

Cadence finally realized I needed oxygen to live, blushed and loosened her grip. Precious air filled my lungs and the embarrassed princess placed me gently on the couch.

"Okay, so maybe I got a bit over excited," She conceded, "but you have to admit this is huge! I know you've been Princess of Friendship for a while and you had some slight attraction to that handsome empty head in the human world, but dang! You've shed a big pile of sexual repression and found someone who you have an actual connection with! Hay, even Spike approves!"

She blinked. "Speaking of which, where the heck is the cute little guy?"

Said "cute little guy" was currently standing in the doorway with (to my shock) Applejack in tow. The earth pony was staring at the scene before her with a look on her face like she was unsure whether she should try to enter the conversation or hop the nearest train to the griffon kingdom.

She was also carrying a bouquet of roses... I would have thought that was super romantic if I had more oxygen in my system.

The second Cadence spotted her she pounced. "OH CELESTIA! APPLEJACK I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO!!!" She snatched up my marefriend in another one of her bone crushing hugs.

AJ was made of stronger stuff than me and just sort of blushed at the attention. Spike, on the other hand, looked rather unnerved. "Uh... Cadence, should you really be bouncing around like that? You're a couple months pregnant, right?"

Cadence rolled her eyes. "Please... Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I'm not ready to take on a few giant monsters. Besides, some exercise is good for you when you're carrying a foal, it's an extreme sport." She pointed to AJ. "Seriously, if you two are ever deciding who's going to carry my vote's for Miss Muscles over here."

I blanched. Even the magically exhausted Shining had the good sense to balk at that. "C-Cadence!"

The pink alicorn blushed. "Okay, okay... That was a bit over the line this early, I'm sorry..." She noticed AJ's shaken look. "Okay, I'm really sorry. Are you okay?"

Applejack shook herself. "Oh, pardon me Princess... I was stuck in my own head for a bit. So, what brings ya to Ponyville? Don't y'all have a lot of work to do back in the Empire?"

Cadence nodded. "Oh we do, it's just that when I read Twilight's message I absolutely had to come over and congratulate her. I've been trying to get her to dip her hooves in the dating pool forever... Speaking of which..." She gave me a playful shove. "Why didn't you tell me you liked mares! I would have been sending so many hot ladies your way!"

I blushed. "I... I guess I didn't realize it until recently..."

Cadence smiled. "That's okay little sis..." She let out a breath, finally noting the pile of dazed and exhausted ponies around her. She scratched at the back of her head awkwardly. "I... I guess I got a little carried away here huh?"

"A little?" Shining asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, maybe a lot. Like you've never gotten really excited about something."

He shrugged, he was finally managed to readjust and picked himself up with a chuckle. "Seriously though, we're really happy for you two. How about we treat you to lunch to make up for barging in like this?"

I smiled. "Sounds great! AJ do you have time?"

She grinned. "Shoot, I was about to ask if Twi wanted some grub... Ya know?" She gestured to the flowers.

I blanched. Oh no...

This was it. Applejack and Cadence and Shining were going to get into a really awkward struggle over who would take me out. It might even be reversed with Applejack insisting they come along and Cadence saying she wanted to give us privacy... But it wouldn't end there... The feelings would fester and-

"Wanna make it a double date?" AJ asked.

"Okay!" Cadence agreed.

I blinked... Or, you know, that could happen.

#

A good meal and some easy going conversation later, I got to watch the three magical ponies do some kinda crazy ritual to send the Crystal Empire's political leaders back to their palace. There were lots of... Pretty lights? I guess? I dunno much about magic.

I had to say, it was a relief. Don't get me wrong, I'd always liked those two, but having them out on our second date was a bit of a doozy.

Twilight gave me a nuzzle. "Thanks for putting up with that. They're just excited is all."

I chuckled. "They're not the only ones... I mean, yesterday y'all were scared to be seen with me in public and today we walked right out into a restaurant with your family. You really know how to make a girl feel less broken Twi."

Twilight blinked. "What do you mean?"

My smile fell. Horse apples. I'd actually just said that hadn't I? "It... It's nothin' sugarcube, don't worry about it."

She narrowed her eyes. "Applejack, I thought we were past this. You aren't dragging me down, and you aren't broken."

I shook my head. "Twi it's not that! I... I can't..."

I winced. If there was anything I was good at it was hiding my feelings, but... I'd be a liar if I said Cadence hadn't dug up some dark thoughts.

I bit my lip. There was no way I was going to cry about this. She already knew it, she just hadn't connected the dots yet... No need to make it a big secret. Time to woman up and spill the beans.

In a second...

Finally, when twilight's expression had turned from annoyed to concerned I let out a breath. "Twi, I... I can't have kids."

She stared at me. "Wait you... And you were just around Cadence." She looked completely at a loss. "Oh Applejack!"

I held up a hoof. "Twi... It's really not that big a deal. Thanks to some... Tissue storage... I can even have a couple biological kids. It's just... I can't get pregnant." I touched my stomach with a shudder. "There... There's nothing there."

Twilight hugged me, suddenly and tightly.

Part of me was... angry. I wanted to fling her off, to tell her how it didn't matter, but...

There was something different about this hug. What she was feeling now... It wasn't pity. She was just sad... Sad that I was sad.

It was long past time I stopped prickling at every slight and took her at face value. I hugged her back. I didn't cry though. I do that inside.

She let me go, for some reason she had a tiny little smile on her face. "So... What you're saying is, if, completely hypothetically, please don't think I want to rush things... If we did ever want a baby... It could be both of ours?"

I stared at her I... I hadn't thought of it that way. I smiled. "I guess we could." I let out a short, sad laugh and plopped myself on the couch. Heavens above this had been an exhausting day. "Let's save that for later sugarcube. We haven't even Prench kissed yet."

Twilight smirked. "Do you want to?"

I stared at her. "I... I... Oh who am I kissin- kidding!" I corrected rapidly. "Kidding! I mean, I'm not kidding that I'd like to kiss you! I mean, if you'd like to that-"

She plopped herself down next to me and kissed me.

I was terrified at first, but... Oh heavens those lips, the smell of Twilight, the feel of her against me... Her tongue.

Before we'd just been brushing lips together. It was exciting, but not much else. Still, I knew what mouths were like. I'd always thought kissing like this would either taste weird and be terrible or it would feel so good that I'd feel bad about doing it anywhere that wasn't behind closed doors...

But this was different. I felt close, connected. It felt good, but not like I was doing something wrong. It was like... It was like hugging where you wanted to be even closer, where you needed to be together with someone and just be.

And in that moment, I realized something. There wasn't anyone in the world I wanted to be with more than Twilight.

Complications

View Online

My wife somehow managed to be adorable while marking up tax legislation. It helped that she was using me as a pillow.

"Oh Shining, just think!" She said, highlighting important sections with her magic. "I'm just so happy for Twilight! I wonder if I'll get to be best mare at the wedding..."

I rolled my eyes, snuggling into the bed with her. "Probably, though I'm pretty sure they'll be dating for a while before that."

I stroked her mane with my hoof. Yeah... Twilight was finally getting out there... This was... Great...

"Ow! Shining!" Cadence sat up, rubbing at her head.

I blushed. "Sorry Cadence."

She shook her mane out. "It's okay Shining, just try not to brush so hard." She tilted her head. "Shining, you're usually pretty good at that. Is something wrong?"

I winced. "It's nothing... I mean..."

Cadence was looking at me with those sweet concerned eyes of hers... She could have replaced all of my interrogators. "It's just... Do you remember when we hid a scavenger hunt clue on Applejack's birth certificate?"

"Of course," She smirked, "you're not telling me that you think your sister's robbing the cradle are you?"

I scratched the back of my head. "No... I mean, it was surprising to learn she was younger than Twily, but they're both grown mares." Even if it was hard to see them that way... But that wasn't the point. "It was the certificate itself that bothered me."

My wife was lost. "Shining, why in Equestria would a birth certificate bother you?"

"The dates," I said finally, "The issue date didn't match her birth day."

There was a pause.

My wife blinked. "Huh... That's weird I'll admit, but it's probably just a clerical error. Or it could have been destroyed and replaced. Celestia knows Ponyville's town hall has seen its share of hardship."

I looked down. "It's not just the paperwork though, she seemed sort of... Distant, when we last met her. Kind of like she was hiding something."

Cadence put on her 'processing' look, and put a hoof to her chin. "I'll admit, she seemed a little nervous, but that could have been about anything. She was on a double date with an expectant married couple."

She had a point, but I shook my head. "That was definitely part of it... But I'm certain it wasn't all of it."

Cadence sighed, plopping back down on the bed spread. "You know... I hate to say it sweetie, but this seems like one of those situations where your cop instincts could be overridden by your big brother instincts."

I bit my lip. "You think I should drop it?" I asked.

Cadence shook her head. "Not if it's really bothering you... Look, if you really think there's something fishy about Applejack, feel free to do the paper trail thing. Most of the stuff you're worried about is in the public record right?"

I nodded. "I guess so... You don't think that would be prying too much?"

Cadence rolled her eyes. "Shining, they're public records. You can do what you want. But if all you've got is a birth certificate with a clerical error on it and a weird vibe, then I think you should give your sister's judgement the benefit of the doubt, especially considering the whole 'Elements of Harmony' magical seal of goodness thingy."

I raised an eyebrow. "Is that the technical term?"

She turned a page. "Pretty much."

I smiled, rubbing her mane more gently... Skies above I loved this mare.

A thought occurred to me. "Cady... Are you just trying to burn out all my crazy over-protective brother instincts?"

Cadence just smiled.

#

There were tears in my eyes.

The stallion with the woven beard played his ballad on and on, singing about the time his lover had been abducted by the fae and he charged into the enchanted wilds to save him. His partner sat next to him, singing of how he fiddled his way to escape so he could get back home to his love

It was a chaotic story, filled with desperate love and fearsome perils as lovers charged back together from both sides of the cosmos... And the music... Oh the music! I'd never heard anything like it.

It ended with a flurry of conflict and twanging lutes before the music softened and the lovers reunited in a passionate embrace, curled up next to each other by the fire. The music faded out and a tingle of magic stood in the air. Something far greater than anything I'd ever touched.

The applause was uproarious. The bards gave a bow and the stage manager called for an intermission.

Applejack and I joined the crowd of ponies wandering out of the outdoor theater to get a snack and mingle, I didn't know what she was getting, but there was a soft pretzel with my name it!

I nuzzled into Applejack's dress. "Thank you for all this!" I'd never expected her to want to go somewhere that required us to dress up.

She blushed. It was adorable, but I suppose that makes sense because she's always adorable. Her little vermilion dress just added to it.

She shrugged. "No problem Twi, Honestly I'm just glad you like folk music."

I giggled. "To be fair I didn't know if I liked it or not. I'd never really heard it before."

"Whaaat?!!" Came a voice from behind us. Of all ponies, Octavia Melody was standing in line, staring at us in shock. Her DJ roommate gave us an uneasy smile, as though apologizing for the coming rant.

I scratched at my mane. "Um... Hi, Octavia! Vinyl Scratch, how are you?"

The DJ smirked and gave me a shrug. I suddenly felt quite bad about not picking up more blank speech... Not that Vinyl was very fond of using it.

Octavia was unfazed. "I'm sorry Princess, but I'm shocked, how could you not have heard folk music before? I'm sorry if it's overly familiar of me to point this out, but you're dating a folk musician."

I blinked. "Huh?"

Applejack looked flustered. "I'd hardly call myself a musician... I just picked up a bit of fiddle and some banjo back in the day... Heck, I've barely touched the stuff in years."

Applejack played? Thinking back I vaguely remembered her pulling out a violin at Cadence and Shining Armor's wedding. My face lit up "Oh yeah! I've heard you play before! You're really good."

AJ looked away, embarrassed. "I mean, maybe I can carry a tune, but that ain't the same as being a musician. I ain't never performed for pay before."

Vinyl gave Applejack a "come hither" gesture and pantomimed spinning records at her turn table.

Octavia balked. "Vinyl! You can't possibly be thinking of grinding Applejack's violin talents into powder in one of your remixes; she'd be much better suited for a symphony."

Vinyl rolled her eyes and pantomimed grinding away at some sort of churning machine.

Octavia narrowed her eyes. "You know very well the symphony has plenty of original compositions! Classical is a style, not a list of songs. Quite frankly, just because you and your dance party hooligans can't remember how to spell Tchaitrotsky doesn't..."

AJ pulled us back a bit and Octavia's voice faded into the crowd. I raised an eyebrow at my retreating girlfriend.

She gave me an uneasy chuckle. "Yeah... I know I said I wanted to try some new things, but I think I'm gonna wait on asking them for a recording session... At least until they're done bickering."

I smirked. "Fair. Although I have to say it's worth looking into. You really do make beautiful music Applejack."

AJ turned back to the line, blushing like a school filly. "Ain't you the encouraging girlfriend... I'll look into it, but right now all I want is a bag of popcorn."

I nodded. I couldn't help but look back at the pair of musicians though. I couldn't make out Octavia, but the gestures said it all. The argument was animated and... Oddly personal.

"Are they... Together?" I asked.

Applejack grunted. "If they're not they should be."

#

After several more ballads, a delicious dinner out and an argument where I'd had to use graph theory to prove mathematically that AJ was the prettiest mare in the relationship we stumbled giggling back into my library where we could barely keep our hooves off each other.

Applejack's tongue was searching deep inside my lips, wrestling with mine. We fell onto my couch, holding each tight as our warm bodies practically melded together.

We fell back onto the couch with a pillowy thump and I felt my mind go blank as her hooves wrapped me tight, rubbing my back all over.

I slid my hooves down her back as well, glorying in the sensation of touching and being touched. It was incredible. I was on fire inside! I grew more adventurous, gripping at her flank...

And suddenly I was alone on the couch. I blinked my eyes open and saw Applejack standing over me... She was shivering.

She took a step back. She looked... Broken...Terrified.

"S-sorry Twi." She mumbled, backing to the door. "I... I need to go!"

She bolted. I'd never seen her run that fast...

I stared after her, frozen and utterly lost.

I felt a tear streak down my face.

What... What happened?

Dark Thoughts

View Online

It was over.

I was curled up on my bed, my little alarm clock ticking away...

It was set for 7:00 AM, just like always. I'd walk Apple Bloom to school, do my chores, help Granny, help Mac, rinse and repeat for the rest of my life...

I could do that. It was all I could do. I wasn't a chef, or a musician, or a marefriend... I wasn't even a mare.

You are a mare! Shouted a tiny voice in my head.

I ignored it. Why hadn't I seen this coming? I was a freak, I had always been a freak and I always would be. I'd tried to be a mare, and I made things better, but I couldn't fix myself. I couldn't make it real... And so I left.

There was a knock on my door. "Sugarcube, are you alright?"

"Yes Granny." I answered mechanically.

Granny walked in in her nightshirt. She actually had a nightshirt and one of those little hats. She said they kept her feeling warm and fancy.

When I pretended I was a pony I'd thought that was funny.

She put her hoof around me. "What's wrong sugarcube?"

I cried. I cried and cried and cried some more, but it didn't matter. I was in love. I was a monster in love and it would never work out, ever.

"Shh... Shh..." Granny said, pulling me close.

That voice...

I know it sounds stupid, but... That was the noise Granny made when I was a little... Colt? Filly? That wasn't the point. "Shh... Shh..." Was what Granny had said when I cried. It wasn't 'I love you' or a lullaby or anything like that.

It was just a sound... A sound that told me she wanted to make the pain go away. Mom and Dad had used it too.

I kept sobbing and sobbing... I don't know how long I laid there. At some point I caught Applebloom and Big Macintosh peering in from a door. At some point they curled around me. At some point Winona came too.

Finally I cried myself out.

"Do ya wanna talk about it?" Applebloom asked.

I bit my lip. "Twi... I had to leave." Somehow I could feel more sobs coming on.

Apple Bloom was confused. "What? Did that pony say something mean to you?"

I shook my head. Winona snuggled up against me and I hugged her tight. "No..." I said, "I just had to leave... I love her so much, but I can't give her what she wants... I never could."

Applebloom looked confused. "Huh? Twilight doesn't seem like the kind of pony that would demand stuff."

Granny raised an eyebrow, understanding. "Applebloom... Why don't y'all go make your sister some tea?"

Applebloom pouted. "But I wanna help!"

Granny smiled at her. "You have helped sugarcube. Right now I need you to help by making tea."

She nodded, but didn't seem convinced. She wandered off nonetheless.

Granny looked serious. "Did that mare force you to do something you didn't want?"

I shook my head. "No! Of course not! I wanted... She barely touched me, but... I wanted more. We both did I think... And... And I can't."

Granny stared at me. "Youngun' of course you can! Didn't the doctors give you a clean bill?"

I gulped. "Well... Yeah, but... I still ain't normal. Twilight deserves better than-"

"Oh hush!" Granny cut me off. "Did Twilight say she didn't want you?"

I looked away. "N- No...?"

Granny put a hoof on my shoulder. "Then what are y'all doin' here?"

#

There was a knock on my door. I rushed down to open it.

Applejack was standing there. She looked like she'd been crying.

We matched.

She swallowed. "Twi... I want to be with you... But there's stuff you gotta know."

The Next Morning

View Online

Well... That went better than I expected.

I'd overslept my alarm, but given the events of last night I wasn't surprised...

Applejack was snuggled up into the covers next to me.

Oh sweet Celestia that really just happened I wasn't sure if I wanted to panic or squeal like a school filly... But either of those would wake Applejack up.

I eyed her thoughtfully. Should I wake her up? Was this one of those things where we went out and got a post-virginity breakfast?

Was this one of those things where we... continued?

I blushed furiously, turning away from the beautiful mare. I found myself eyeing a rather large stack of paperwork on my nightstand. Apparently my auto-notes spell had still been running after what started as a mostly innocent medical examination became... more personal.

I floated over a few pages and blushed. The notes were detailed... Very detailed.

There were sketches.

I slid them into a drawer, pondering whether I should burn them or publish them when I heard a knock on my door.

"Twilight?" Spike called. "Are you okay?"

I gulped. Applejack was still asleep. After checking to make sure I was presentable, I eased out of bed, throwing over a bathrobe and running a cleansing spell just to be sure.

Things had gotten messy.

I opened the door a crack, spotting a worried little dragon. "Hi Spike... Weren't you over at Rarity's for a sleepover with the Cutie Mark Crusaders?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Uh... Yeah... I got home two hours ago. It's noon."

"Oh..." I let out a half-hearted giggle.

He looked nervous. "Are you sure you're okay? I know after the fight with AJ you said you wanted to be alone, but now you're sleeping late and..."

I held up my hooves. "No! Spike, it... It's not that. In fact Applejack and I worked things out."

His face lit up. "Really?"

I returned the smile. "Really" I knelt down by the little dragon and put a hoof on his shoulder. "Sometimes ponies that love each other have fights, but that doesn't mean they've stopped loving each other. It just means they-"

"Wuz goin' on..." Applejack said, appearing behind me with the covers still wrapped around her.

Spike's eyes widened.

Okay, that was not where I wanted this conversation to go. I turned crimson. "Spike... I can explain..."

He had a grin on his face. "So... You two had an interesting night I see."

Applejack realized what was happening and balked. "Sugar cube, I-"

The little dragon held up a claw. He had a devious look in his eye. "You know... I was thinking I could spend the entire day at the video arcade. You know, leaving you two completely undisturbed... All day."

He patted his side as though checking his non-existent pockets. "Oh shoot... I don't have any money. It would take me ten... No, twenty bits to do something like that! Oh well, I guess I'll just have to spend all day here. You know, reorganizing the bookshelves with you, checking experimental notes... With you."

I floated him a small bag of bits to him and he fled with a salute. In a minute I heard the castle door slam behind him.

Applejack blinked. "Wait... Does this make Spike my pimp?"

I rolled my eyes."How about we ignore the details and just start kissing."

AJ smirked. "Whatever you want... Sugar daddy."

#

"Thank you for meeting me on such short notice, Princess," I said, shooting her a salute.

The monarch of the sun smirked as we walked down the hallowed, exquisitely decorated halls of Canterlot Castle. I knew the new guard captain was perfectly competent, but I was glad to see it hadn't fallen apart while I was gone.

"Oh Shining, you needn't be so formal," Celestia reassured, "We are family after all."

I smiled. I admit, I still wasn't sure how I felt about that. Don't get me wrong, Princess Celestia and I had been close ever since I was a foal, but it wasn't too long ago I'd sworn an oath to sacrifice my own life to protect hers...

Speaking to her as an equal... Thinking of her as a family... It was odd to say the least.

She gestured down the hall with a wing. "I suppose what you came here to discuss will require a certain amount of privacy, why don't we continue this conversation in the parlor?"

"Will you need an escort Ma'am?" Asked one of the guards flanking us.

She chuckled. "I think the Prince is all the guard I'll ever need, though I thank you for your concern. Don't worry, I'll cast the panic spell if something happens."

The guards nodded, opening the doors for us. "Of course Ma'am." That said, we wandered into the Royal Tea Room and closed the door behind us.

Celestia wandered over to a couch and gave me that warm smile that she always gave her subjects when they were nervous. "So, you say we have a security issue?"

I scratched the back of my head, choosing to stand (mostly out of habit). "It's probably nothing. It's just... Do you know about Twilight's recent romantic escapades?"

She smiled. "Why yes, of course. She sent me a letter about a week ago. I'd intended to make some time to come down and meet the happy couple, but after Cadence's little unannounced visit I thought they could use a bit of space."

I nodded. "Fair enough... But Prin- I mean, Celestia... How much do you know about Applejack?"

The princess raised an eyebrow. "Quite a lot actually. I've known her family since their surname was 'Smith' and they were rugged pioneers as opposed to skilled business ponies."

I cleared my throat. "So, you know the family... But how much do you know about her?"

Princess Celestia tilted her head, unsure of where I was going with this. "Again, quite a lot. She's been to two grand galloping galas, plays the fiddle extremely well, is an impressive baker and skilled in the martial art of rodeo as well as agricultural work. She may not be a noble, but she's well regarded and an Element bearer." The princess smirked. "Quite honestly I thought you'd be thrilled your sister decided to start her romantic explorations with someone so accomplished and stable."

I smiled, awkwardly, and rubbed my hoof at the upholstery. I swear, Princess Celestia was one of the only ponies I knew who could make me feel like a little colt. Still...

"Don't get me wrong, Applejack seems like an excellent pony. I mean, she baked my wedding cake for pity's sake... But there are some small inconsistencies with her paperwork... And I can't shake the feeling there's something important she's not telling me."

Celestia snorted. "Ah, I think I see what this is." She leaned over, abandoning her refined posture to rest her hooves on the tea table. "Shining, did you know when you first started dating Cadence I had the royal guard investigate you?"

I stared at her. "Wha- What?"

Her expression fell. She looked... apologetic. "I admit, it wasn't the wisest thing I've ever done, but I was scared. I knew you were in the perfect position to gain my niece's trust and then hurt her." She looked away. "I know that's unfair to you, but please understand... Right then I didn't have a lot of family and I felt a bit over-protective."

She met my eyes. "From my investigation I learned that you stole a box of candy bars when you were a high school sophomore, spent a lot of time playing Ogres and Oubliettes at some store called Pegasus Games, and briefly took a ballet class in secret." She smirked. "Honestly your marks in that class were quite good, I'm surprised you weren't secure enough in your masculinity to keep up with it."

I blushed.

Celestia gave me a calming smile, "The point is, I understand what it's like to worry about whether the person who's getting closer to your family is hiding some dark secret, but from what you've said so far it sounds like everything you're worried about could be due to nothing more than a thorough name change." She shrugged. "Most such secrets are rather boring honestly."

Well... It was hard to argue with that. Still, I knew a polite refusal when I saw one. "So... You're not going to open her sealed files so I can investigate the discrepancies?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry Shining, I understand you're worried but I'm afraid you would have to give me more reason to suspect foul play before I was willing to violate a friend's privacy."

Okay... I was starting to feel like a real butt... Still... "Why would Applejack change her name?" I asked, "Is that really so common?"

To my surprise, the princess blushed. "It might have been a matter of context to be honest. I'm certain her parents wouldn't have deliberately given her an embarrassing name, but..." She looked away. "Orchard workers are quite proud of their 'apple bucking' skills..."

I blushed right back. Okay, that was plausible.

I sighed, finally collapsing into a chair. "I guess I should just stop stalking Applejack and be happy for my sister huh?"

Celestia chuckled, taking up a stance of grandmotherly authority. "Not the way I would phrase it, but..."

#

I dragged my defeated butt back into my chambers and plopped down next to my wife. She of course, was on the bed, reading a book and eating pickles.

Cadence grunted through a mouthful. "Before you say anything about stereotypical pregnancy snacks, I'd like to point out that I'm peeing more so I need to replenish my electrolytes."

I snagged a salty cucumber out of the jar and sighed. "Pickles are delicious... Besides, if anyone in this family should be embarrassed it's me. I just spent a week being an over-protective older brother and ended up getting a lecture on violating ponies' privacy from Princess Celestia."

My wife winced in sympathy. "I'm sorry to hear that sweetie... It could be worse. It could have been Luna giving you the 'don't peer into ponies' naughty dreams' talk."

I gave her a grim smile. "Yeah, I guess I did avoid that... Barely." I groaned. "You know what the worst part is? Even though I know it's wrong, I still want to know what Applejack's deal is."

Cadence gave me a nuzzle. "Cheer up my little captain! I got you a present." She reached into her desk with her magic and floated a file over to me.

I perked up. "What's this?"

She smirked. "You're not the only one with connections. A friend of a friend stumbled on these old files on official document modifications collecting dust in an unclaimed off-site storage unit. The stuff inside was considered abandoned, so..."

I stared at her... "This... This seems unethical." If not explicitly illegal.

Cadence shrugged. "Not really. It's just proactive dumpster diving."

I winced. "Cadence..."

My wife rolled her eyes. "Look, if you want, we can have a long conversation about the Crystal Guard's intelligence gathering methods later, do you want to learn the probably not so deep and not so dark secrets of your sister's lover with me or not?"

I raised an eyebrow. "You haven't read them yet?"

She shook her head. "I thought we should do it together, so no."

I eyed the file warily. Celestia had a point, but... The records were discarded and I suppose as commanders of the Crystal Guard we should technically know whatever our agents knew...

Also the files were right there!

I snagged the folder. "We are never telling anyone about this."

Cadence smirked. "I'm not even here."

I opened the file...

And nothing. No arrest records, no nefarious past... Just a change of birth certificate and some other ID. "Mr. Applejack" even had the same dang na-

My eyes widened. Mr?

My wife came to my side. "Shining what's..." She caught sight of the files and froze.

Oh sisters...

What Dreams May Come?

View Online

"What was I thinking!" I shouted, clamping my hooves over my head.

Cadence stared at me, her hair frazzled. "What were you thinking? What was I thinking? I really thought it was a good idea to go through the trash of my sister's girlfriend and now we know a crazy secret that we can't un-know!"

Then it hit me. "Cadence that's it! I'll burn the paperwork and then you can wipe our memories!" It was just a mistake. We could un-do this!

Cadence threw up her hooves. "How am I supposed to do that!"

"I don't know! You're a princess! Use a spell or something!"

"Shining, I don't know that kind of spell!" she cried. "Plus it sounds like the kind of thing that could give a pony a lobotomy."

There goes that option... I started pacing. "Oh crap, oh crap... We've seriously stepped in it this time! Celestia's going to hate us... Twilight's going to loathe us!"

Suddenly Cadence perked up. She grabbed me by the shoulders. "Shining, that's it! No one else has to know!"

I gaped at her. "What are you talking about! We can't keep this a secret from Twilight. I'd explode! Plus, the longer we wait to come clean the worse it's going to get."

She held up a hoof. "Shining, think about it. What will telling Twilight and Applejack that we dug up her gender history actually do? Because all I think it's going to do is make Applejack sad and self conscious around us and Twilight despise us... But in reality, nothing's changed. We haven't hurt anyone! If we just clam up and act like nothing happens neither of those two ponies will be sad."

I gave her a troubled look. "Cadence... That's the kind of thing criminals say to avoid confessing their crimes..."

She looked me in the eye. "Seriously, would we be telling them for them or for us so we can feel better?"

I tried to process that. "I... Honestly I'm not sure... But it feels wrong."

Cadence looked down. "Dang... I was really hoping that argument would fly."

I sighed... This was getting us nowhere. "Look, you're right about one thing. We don't have to decide what to do tonight... Why don't we just get some sleep? I know this is a huge mess, but we should be able to process all of this a lot better in the morning."

Cadence nodded. "Okay..."

I took her in my arms and held her tight. I didn't feel perfect, but I felt at least a little better. Wrapped around a mare this beautiful who wouldn't.

"Shining?"

"Yes Cady?"

"I like Applejack... And I really don't want to screw this up for Twilight."

I breathed in the sweet scent of her mane. "Me too Cady, me too."

#

My wife stared at the Princess of the Night. "Okay, I really didn't think we'd be discovered this quickly."

The male version of Applejack patted my shoulder. "Dude, that's harsh."

Luna rubbed her forehead and let out a groan that scared off a small herd of plantain like creatures. "Cadence, Shining Armor... What on Earth were you thinking?"

Dream Applejack stood in front of me. "Hey! Don't be mean to Shining! He's just a bro lookin' out for his little sister ya' know homie?"

Luna gave me the look my subconscious deserved... Then she summoned up a pitfall and my dream Applejack dropped out of sight.

She had already disposed of Cadence's dream AJ. Hers was more... visibly male.

"Now," Luna began. "Let us discuss how we are going to resolve this matter." She summoned up an easy chair and a sofa. and placed them onto the puffy clouds that made up our dreamscape.

Cadence and I shamefully walked over to our seats. Luna placed herself in front of us. "So... What are your plans?"

Cady and I exchanged a look. "Uh... Aren't you going to punish us?" Cady asked.

Luna snorted. "Punishment is only useful when it's educational. I learned that the hard way."

I blinked. "Uh... Actually punishment serves another important role, Princess. It's a rational alternative to mob justice."

Luna raised an eyebrow. "I see no reason to encourage ponies viewing vengeful urges as positive or just in any way, but there are some who disagree with me on that. Nevertheless I cannot imagine your sister or her marefriend wanting your blood in recompense for this offense. At worst, I would suspect a serious loss of respect for you two and possibly a cessation of communication for no more than five years, depending on how merciful they're feeling."

We twitched.

"However," Luna continued. "That is the absolute worst case scenario. If you would like to hear my opinion on how to resolve this I would be happy to provide it."

Cadence raised a hoof.

Luna turned to her. "Yes, my niece?"

My wife looked down. "I... I don't know if it's a good idea to use this, but does all of this fall under dream counselor privilege?"

Luna nodded. "You are not hurting yourself and you have no plans to hurt anyone else, so yes. The information I've gathered from your dreams shall not be shared without your permission, just as I did not share information about Applejack's trans status."

I... Actually I was never aware of that rule. "Wait, Princess, you're not saying that you routinely converse with murderers, rapists and thieves, and never tell the guard about them, right?"

To my complete shock, Luna nodded. "That is correct, provided they have no plans to commit further crimes. I would much rather get such ponies treatment than punish them. I have filled more than a few psychological hospitals in my time here. And emptied more than a few prisons."

I stared at her, but she just shrugged. "The recidivism rate is much lower, and my sins are sufficiently dark that I would be lying if I did not feel some sympathy for others who've sinned, but we're not here to talk about that. In this circumstance I would definitely suggest telling at least Applejack."

"Wait, why!" Cadence interjected, completely ignoring the fact that Luna was routinely obstructing justice. "I know my argument for not telling her works in my favor, but it's not wrong! Twilight and AJ don't need to know about this to live happy awesome lives, just like Celestia didn't need to tell Shining about how he was investigated!"

I turned to my wife. "Wait... Cady, you knew about that?"

Cadence blanched.

Luna eyed the exchange with a nervous look. "Perhaps I should-"

"I'm sorry!" My wife cried. She looked down at her hooves, shaking. "I... I'd just gotten to know you and I was really into you and I didn't want to drive you away over someone else doing something stupid... And I didn't even want to drive you away from Celestia, because she's a great pony and... I just..."

She looked terrified, like she was on the verge of sobbing. "Please... Please don't..."

I stared at her. I stared at my beautiful wife. The wife that had betrayed me...

The mare who saved my life, who made me soup when I was sick... Who carried my child.

I took that mare and hugged her close. "I forgive you."

She looked up at me. "R-really?"

I nodded. "You think I care if you knew about my ballet lessons? Sweetie, we're stronger than that."

She gazed into my eyes, her expression filled with joy and wonder. "Whatever I did to deserve you it couldn't possibly be enough."

I kissed her, holding her close and tight. "I'm the one who's lucky."

The mare I loved giggled, kissing me back. "No, I'm the one who's lucky!"

I shook my head and kissed her again. "No, I'm-"

Luna coughed, giving us the sternest expression she could muster under the circumstances. We let go of each other and stood at attention.

"In any case," The Alicorn of the Moon continued, "I think our course of action is obvious."

I blinked. "It is?"

Luna nodded, a smile curling on her lips. "Your saccharine display of affection was quite inspiring. I think I've got a solid way to preserve everyone's relationships."

#

They were the kind of words that destroyed relationships.

I stared at Twilight, dropping my book to the floor. "Can... Can y'all repeat that?"

She tilted her head, confused. "What? I just said maybe we should skip dinner." She blushed. "I mean... It would let us get... Intimate a bit sooner wouldn't it?"

I felt a pleasant tingle go down my spine... But unfortunately her next revelation terrified me so much my libido plummeted right into the dirt.

"Besides, it's not like I eat dinner every night anyway."

My jaw dropped low enough to make Pinkie jealous. "Wha- wha? What?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "I don't eat dinner all the time, what's the big deal?"

"Oh boy..." Said the tiny dragon behind me.

I started. "Land's sake Spike! When did y'all show up?"

He rolled his eyes. "Like two seconds ago, sheesh. Don't worry, I didn't hear whatever gross kissy thing you were talking about. What I did hear about was Twilight trying to skip dinner again."

My fillyfriend rolled her eyes. "Spike, I had a solid lunch and I've just been up here reading with AJ all day. It's not like I burnt too many calories."

Spike groaned. "Twilight, a daisy sandwich and a glass of water is not a solid lu- urp!"

A gout of fire poured from Spike's mouth and a message rolled out. The stamp was Luna blue.

Twilight picked up the message and raised an eyebrow at what she saw. "Huh... That's strange."

I leaned in. "What is it sugarcube?"

She turned to me. "Apparently the Princesses want to see us."

"Should I get the other girls?" I asked.

Twi shook her head. "No, they want to come here... To see the two of us?"

I blinked. I couldn't say that was expected. "Huh... They're alright with us right? I thought they sent us a message earlier."

Twilight shrugged. "I guess they want to say hi? They explicitly said they'd be available in like a week or two and they'd be okay waiting longer if there was a time that worked for us."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Not an emergency summons then. I guess we could spruce this place up in a week. What do you think Spike?"

The dragon saluted. "Not a problem. This place is pretty clean anyway."

I smiled. "Great, now back to the more important matter. I've been workin' on the farm and I need some dang pizza."

The little dragon's eyes lit up. "Oooh, ooh! Can I make fried rice instead?"

Twi rolled her eyes. "Seriously, you're a couple of gluttons..."

A Conference

View Online

A week later I still had no idea why the princesses wanted to talk to us.

More importantly though, I still had no idea what to do with myself.

It was staggering when you really thought about it. I had a tiny amount of extra spending money and a little creative outlet from baking and all, but was I really going to devote myself to culinary stuff? I mean, I liked music too... What about reading and writing? Wouldn't going after those help me get closer to Twi? Should that even be part of my considerations?

Anyway, I was trying to put it in the back of my mind. The princesses had clarified this was a casual visit and Twilight had only had two panic attacks over it, both of which had been resolved with cuddles and a bedtime story.

I frowned at the memory. It sucked that she was hurting. But in a way it felt... amazing. It was like I was seeing her naked, warts and all... Seeing a part of her she barely showed anyone. And that wasn't the only incredible part.

I felt... Safe around her. Safe in a way I never thought was possible. It was like something frozen inside me was finally starting to thaw.

So when I marched up to meet the princesses I felt right as rain...

Right up until we opened the doors. Princess Celestia and Luna were sitting in a well worn couch. They turned to us, staring straight at me... They looked serious.

Sitting on a separate couch in front of them were Cadence and Shining Armor, looking like they'd just taken the last apple strudel out of the pantry.

Twilight blinked. "Cadence? BBBFF? What are you doing in Canterlot."

Luna held up a hoof. "Twilight, Applejack... Please come sit with us."

Celestia and her sister spread apart on their couch and patted the space between them.

I narrowed my eyes. "Now hold on a dang minute, y'all said this here was a casual visit. Why are ya lookin' at us like we need an intervention?"

Luna paled. Celestia, of course, couldn't get any paler.

"Of course not!" Celestia said a little too quickly.

"We are nothing but supportive of you two!" Luna added.

Twilight looked utterly lost. "Why are you two acting so weird?"

Luna sighed. "We'll explain in a moment, okay? Could you please sit down?"

Okay now this was getting ridiculous. "Fine." I walked right over and plopped myself down next to Shining Armor.

The entire room looked at me like I'd sprouted a third head.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my forehooves. "Don't y'all give me that! I've read a psychology text book or two and it's pretty dang obvious y'all want us to sit on one couch like a council of doom and mess with the heads of the poor married couple over here. I don't know what they did, but it ain't right to treat 'em like that."

Shining Armor looked like I'd plunged a knife in his gut. "Please gods make it stop..."

"No." Celestia and Luna said in unison. "At least not yet." Luna added more charitably.

Now even Twilight was looking peeved. "Okay, what is going on here?"

Luna cleared her throat. "There has been a serious breach of etiquette perpetrated against you two."

Okay, now I was even more lost. "Huh?"

Cadence turned to me. "Applejack... I dug up your original birth certificate."

The room froze. A thousand thoughts flew threw my head with a thousand emotions besides. Finally I just settled on turning to them and asking. "Why?"

Shining looked down. "Because I asked her to. Applejack, I'm so sorry I dug up your past. I was just worried for Twilight and-"

Okay. That set me off. "Worried?! You thought I was going to hurt her?"

He shook his head. "No! It's just I was... Confused when I saw your current documents and-"

"Get out." Came a voice.

We froze, turning our heads to Twilight.

I had seen Twilight angry before, but this was different. She glared daggers at the royal couple. "You thought my girlfriend was soooo bad that you turned up half of Equestria to find an extremely personal document that doesn't mean anything!? And you didn't even talk to me about it!"

Shining winced. "Twilight, I-"

Twilight reached out with her magic and held his lips shut. "You never asked me, Shining! You violated my... a national hero's privacy without so much as asking me if there was cause for it! What, are you going to dig up dirt on all of my friends now? Watch everything I do? I'm a Princess! Applejack is an Element of Harmony! And you hurt her for..! Agh!"

She wheeled on the Pink Alicorn, "And Cadence! You're supposed to be responsible! You were the one I could trust with everything! You..."

Tears filled her eyes. "I can't do this." she left, the whole castle shook when she slammed the door behind her.

There was a moment of silence.

I eyed the broken royal couple on the couch and said. "Your thrashing has been postponed."

Then I chased after my marefriend.

#

I found her in the hallway, crammed behind a column. A maid showed up looking concerned but I waved her away.

I put a hoof on my marefriend's shoulder. "Twi?"

"I'm so sorry." She said. Tears were pouring down her face. "Please don't leave me..."

My eyes went wide. "What in Tarnation..? Twi, I ain't gonna leave ya 'cause your brother's a plot hole. You didn't even do nothing!"

She sniffled... In the movies they always make crying look clean and pretty, but she was just covered in snot and miserable. I hugged her tight and offered her my hat. "Here, wipe your face sugarcube."

"But your-"

I rolled my eyes. "Do y'all know how many hats I have? Don't worry about it."

She wiped herself.

"Y'all feel better?"

She nodded.

She cuddled up into my hooves and we just sat there for a bit. I felt the warmth of her body and the easy press of her chest as her breathing slowed. When it was back to normal, I nuzzled her. "So... What do you want to do now. We don't have to move for a spell if y'all don't want to, but-"

She kissed me, long and deep. You could tell it was less for romance and more for comfort, but I kissed her back all the same.

She pulled back, I could see the rational part of her brain slowly trying to reassert itself. "I guess... Shining did tell us and try to apologize. That means something... Not much, but something." She turned to me. "Are you okay?"

I thought about it. Was what Shining did in any way okay? No.

Would I have done it for my little sister..? Maybe. If I was drunk or somethin'.

I sighed. "Honestly after the whole comin' out to you thing I was thinking of spreading my story around a bit anyway. Ya know, getting it more out in the open so junk like this don't happen. Am I offended by Shining poking around in my dirty laundry? Yes. Am I suddenly scared the Princess of Love is going to burn me at the stake? Not hardly."

Twilight hugged me tight. "I'm just so angry that they didn't ask me! I could have just told them I knew what the deal with your birth certificate was and it wasn't a big deal."

I snorted. "Yeah, I guess that would have solved things right quick."

"Quickly."

"I'm using personal language."

Twilight giggled. "Well, at least you know the word for it." She frowned. "So... What now?"

I shrugged. It really was the question of the day. "I guess we try and figure out what to say about all this." I looked down at her. Oh no, I'd turned on her grinding logic engine. Her ears were twitchin' like crazy. Her mind was racing a million miles a minute.

"Uh... We can draw charts if you like?"

"Yes please."

#

Once in my life I'd failed the entirety of Equestria by letting myself be tricked into thinking a terrifying insect monster was my wife.

Considering that mind magic was involved, I considered today the greater failure.

Cadence was openly crying on my shoulder. I held her head, petting her gently. Part of me wanted to race after Twily and beg for forgiveness, but the cold, rational part of me told me that was a terrible idea.

Luna had insisted that we stay put and Celestia backed her up... So we just sat there... Sulking... For an hour.

Eventually, the door to the hallway opened and Applejack walked in, carrying a small stack of papers. "Your attention, please."

We stood bolt upright. Applejack cleared her throat.

"Firstly! Celestia, do you have any idea what's going on?"

The princess of the sun blinked. "... No actually, I know that my niece and nephew violated your privacy by digging up your old birth certificate, but beyond that... There are times when my sister's predilection for privacy requires my unknowing support."

"Do y'all want to know?"

The Sun Princess' eyes went wide. "Oh me yes!"

"I'm trans." Applejack stated flatly.

Celestia took in a breath, then clopped her hoof in realization. "That explains so much!"

AJ raised an eyebrow.

The diarch of Equestria's face was a study. "Not that you're obviously masculine! I mean, you do have some masculine manerisms... Not that that's a bad thing! And it's not like they're... You're obviously female, it's just that all of these odd circumstances are difficult to explain without..."

AJ held up a hoof. "It's fine! I know what y'all mean. 'sides, I got Princess Celestia to shove a hoof in her mouth. I get to put that there on my tombstone. Let's move on."

She turned to us. "Cadence, Shining Armor. Do you have any problem at all with Twi and Me being together?"

"NO!" We shouted in unison.

I reached out a hoof. "Applejack, you're incredible! I couldn't care less about you-"

"I ain't done." She said firmly. She flipped to the next page. "Twilight will be glad to hear you say that. However, she's about as riled as a rattlesnake in a corn harvester so barring official emergencies she ain't talkin' to you two for a month."

I felt a knife sink into my heart... At least it wasn't five years.

"In addition, we are going to request your financial and political resources for a special project."

Special project? "Done." I said without a second's hesitation. At this point I would happily march an army into Griffonstone if it would make this right.

The earth pony nodded. "Good to hear. The details will be sent to you shortly. Now, Luna!"

The Night Princess blinked. "Yes, fair Applejack?"

"Did y'all lie to us about this being casual and make us come to Canterlot just so you could force an apology out of these two?"

Luna winced. "I... Well, we were planning a trip to the spa after we all made up."

AJ gave her a cold nod. "That's a 'yes' then." She flipped to another page. "We'll take that spa date, but you, Cadence, and Shining are sitting it out. Princess Celestia, if you'd care to join us?"

The Princess of the Sun blinked. "Me?"

"Y'all are the only pony in this room who ain't done nothing wrong, so yes." AJ smiled at her. "If you want to take us to the spa so we can all unwind, that sounds mighty fine."

Recovering from her previous loss of grace, she nodded. "I would be delighted. A carriage awaits us."

AJ smiled. "Great then. Let's get the hay out of here." That said, she folded the paper up and turned to the door.

I held up a hoof. "Wait... That's it? What would have happened if we answered differently?"

"Y'all don't want to know. Now Princess, I don't know about y'all, but I need a massage somethin' fierce..."

No More Excuses...

View Online

"It's not a bad idea." I said, letting the steam bath wash over me, "But you should realize that once you do this there's no going back."

Applejack shrugged, leaning back and resting her head on Twilight's lap. "Honestly, I'm just trying to have a bit of say in the inevitable... Well, I don't like that word much. I just don't want to spend the energy dealing with this forever you know?"

I nodded. "Your thinking is sound, and I doubt there will be any major consequences. But I can't make any promises."

She let out a breath, "I reckon that's true of most things." She looked up at her mare friend. "What about you Twi? If you're uncomfortable with this at all..."

She leaned down and gave Applejack a smooch on her forehead... It was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen.

I'll admit it, there was a tear in my eye. My student was all grown up!

"Applejack," Twilight said. "I'm with you all the way."

The orange mare blushed.

I smirked. "Very well, I'll have Cadence make the arrangements."

AJ smiled up at me. "Thank ya kindly princess!"

I smiled back, "You're more than welcome. Oh, and Applejack?" I added.

She blinked up at me. "Yes?"

"If you ever hurt Twilight, I will grow your testicles back."

Her face was a study.

#

"Rarity! Rarity! Rarity!" A pink blur shouted from my door.

I was only two sips into my morning tea, so I couldn't say I was overly enthused by the interruption. Nevertheless, I cracked the door open and put on the best smile I could manage. "Pinkie, what can I-"

The overly energetic party pony shoved a newspaper in my face. "Twilight and AJ! Twilight and AJ! They could have such cute babies!!!"

I blinked, then looked down at the paper, already turned to the celebrity gossip section.

Princess Twilight and the Element of Honesty Headed to the Altar?

Recently the buzz around the new Castle of Friendship has been all about yet another royal couple. Princess Twilight Sparkle (who no one even knew was interested in mares) has been seen courting her long time friend, the Element of Honesty, Applejack.

"If there was ever a couple of ponies that cared about commitment, it would be them." Stated local Animal Rehabilitator and Element of Kindness Fluttershy. She then excused herself, saying she may have said too much.

This has led to all kinds of speculation that wedding bells are in the near future! Even more exciting is the prospect of the start of a new royal family with another royal heir to the Throne of Friendship!

But, don't get too excited about interviewing to be a sire folks. Applejack (who agreed to answer a few of our viewer's questions) is openly transgender and cryopreserved semen samples before her transition.

Of course that means that we could soon be welcoming into the world the biological offspring of two Elements of Harmony! Our scientific consultants have speculated that having so much magic packed together would produce what's known as a "super alicorn", the details of which are...

And the rest of the article was pseudoscience drivel.

I was in shock. Applejack had come out of stealth? And then masterfully distracted the press by making the real story about her potential offspring? It was... It was...

I laughed. Pinkie bounced around me with glee. Oh Applejack, we'll make an aristocrat of you yet!

#

I sighed, mailing off one more letter. "Well... There goes our vacation."

My wife pulled me tight, her pink wings wrapped around me. "This was worth more than a day on the beach."

I sighed. It wasn't honestly that big a deal, but the whole mess had left a bad taste in my mouth... And now I wouldn't hear from Twily for a month. I never thought I'd miss all those journal articles she sent me.

I idly leafed through my mail, wishing there was a dog-eared Scientific Equestrian in the stack, when I noticed a letter from Princess Luna.

It hadn't come through the official system so I opened it, curious.

Dear Luna,

First of all I wanted to thank you for what you did. I still don't think you did it in the right way, but I realize now that you were trying to help us. I just wanted you to know that I appreciated what you did. I want you to know that that one missed spa date was the only punishment or revenge I was planning. You're a good pony, and I'm incredibly lucky to have someone like you in my life.

Just try and remember that those of us who haven't lived a thousand years are still ponies that can decide things on their own, okay? You don't need tricks to help me.

And, completely hypothetically, as I'm not talking to him, but if this letter somehow managed to make its way into his hooves... I'd like Shining to know basically the same thing. That the part that really hurt me was that he never bothered to talk to us about this when we could have given him a solid answer from the start.

I can already see his justifications about the two of us being biased, but... I'm starting to learn that when you're in a relationship, you have a right to be biased. You have a right to take a pony for who they are and love them all the same. I'm the one who gets to choose what kind of relationship I'm in. And if I trusted Applejack to have some secrets then he needs to trust my trust.

Sorry, that got a bit layered, but I hope, hypothetically, he would understand.

And also, hypothetically, if Shining got this note and passed it on to Cadence... I would ask her to please not encourage my brother in his worrying. Us Sparkles have a bad enough habit as it is. I'd also like her to know that this experience has helped me see her as a real pony, not some shining example on a pedestal. And once I've gotten over how royally pissed off at her I am for rifling around in my girlfriend's trash I think we'll be just fine.

I'd want them to know that I still love them both. Even if I am a bit ticked right now.

Say hi to Celestia for me and be sure to thank her for the vacation tips!

Love,

Twilight Sparkle.

We just sat there for a moment, staring at the paper.

"Whatever we did to deserve her it couldn't be enough." I said finally.

My wife just smiled.

And then we proceeded to do a large number of things I'm not going to tell you about.

#

"And here's a shovel.... We'll need that for planting the trees... Oh! And Big Mac pulls the big cart, but if you and Apple Bloom work together I reckon y'all wouldn't have too much trouble with the little one."

I sighed. "Um... Granny Smith?" I said, balancing a rather large amount of farm equipment in my claws. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, I'm fine with pitching in a bit, but last time I tried to help with the farm work it didn't go so well..."

Granny nodded. "Eyup, ain't gonna lie, y'all were right terrible. That's why I reckon y'all could use a refresher course. Don't worry. You should have seen Big Macintosh the first time he put on a plow... Why I remember it like it was yesterday..." She scratched at her chin. "Huh... What was I doin' yesterday?"

I sighed, "I guess Apple Family hospitality doesn't extend to baby dragons..." I muttered.

Granny Smith narrowed her eyes. "My hearin' ain't that bad, youngun'." To my surprise, she shrugged. "I reckon ya'll have a point though. If y'all was a guest we'd have filled ya full to burstin' with pie and let ya sleep through the afternoon."

Then she leaned down and put a hoof under my chin. She looked at me with a soft smile I didn't even know how to describe. "But family does chores."

My eyes went wide. Granny just lifted herself back up and put a basket on her back. "Now c'mon young'n the sooner we fill these baskets the sooner we can get to that pie!"

I hopped to it. "Yes Ma'am!"

#

When you've just publicly come out in the papers, it helps to vanish for a little bit so reporters don't knock down your door.

Fortunately, we knew a royal couple with tickets to Horsealulu.

"This place is amazing! Look at all these unique specimens..." Twilight said, laying out her seashells by species.

I giggled. "They're right pretty Twi, but do y'all want to actually get your hooves wet? I know everyone does the beach differently, but..."

Twi blushed. "Sorry, they're just so fascinating. Look! You can hear the ocean in this one!" She said, holding up a conch.

I raised an eyebrow. "Twi, we're already hearing the ocean... And ain't that just the noise from the environment resonating in the shell?"

She snorted, then kissed me.

"What was that for?" I asked, blushing.

"I just find it adorable that I'm rubbing off on you."

I shot her a smirk. "The things I could do with that phrase..."

We fell into a fit of giggles. Eventually we calmed down and just looked out at the sky and the cool ocean waves. The rolling expanse of sea was breathtaking and warm and I'd never seen a sky so blue.

I curled up with my marefriend. We were the only couple on the beach so I didn't mind getting a little cuddly.

"Applejack..." Twilight began. "Are you sure you're okay? With being out I mean."

I nuzzled myself into that flowing purple mane. "You bet sugar cube. Honestly... I don't think I've ever felt so relieved.

She tilted her head, confused. "Why's that?"

I smiled. "Because I'm not letting it force me into hiding anymore... I know it sounds all kinds of melodramatic, but ever since I transitioned it's felt like I couldn't ever get too close, never be too open, at least not with who I was... I always felt like I had to be tough to survive, to never let anyone in on what's really bothering me or tell anyone how much I cared."

I gazed out at the sea. "But now? Now I don't get to use hiding as an excuse. I've been making excuses for so long I feel like I've missed out on living. But not anymore."

I took off my hat, letting my hair flow in the ocean breeze. "Now, I'm going to go out there and see the world. I'm going to try things, make mistakes, have dreams, love and be loved... I don't know what the future holds, but now I know... I ain't gonna miss it. Not for the world."

Twilight wrapped her wings around me. I think there were tears in her eyes, but she was smiling. "I'm so proud of you."

I smiled. "Thanks sugarcube." That said I leaned in and kissed her, long and loving and deep, filling myself with her taste and her scent. When I came up for air, I made sure the first breath was from her mane.

"So..." Twilight said. "The future seems pretty amazing. Want to see it together?"

I looked at the mare I loved and smiled, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Then I held on to her tight, and never let her go.

THE BEGINNING