Bulk Bicepts and Iron Will became fast friends online and go to PonyCON.
"Can anybull hear Iron Will?"
In a world similar to they're own, Bulk Bicepts a.k.a Saddle Ranger and his sidekick Iron Will the Mini Minotaur have to protect an alternate Equestria and find out how this world's version of themselves died... or went missing.
All while fighting the Maneiac, rouge fictional heroes, returning the sun to end an eternal night, and fighting other bad guys Rainbow Dash's friends forgot to stop. "Wait. What happened to them?!" You'll find out soon.
This is meant for experimentation. It isn't meant to be liked unless liked.
"YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" A white Pegasus with a short blonde mane and tail shouted, but he wasn't an ordinary one. His wings were tiny and his muscles massive, a cutiemark of a dumbbell, and his teeth had a glossy shine that came from working at a spa next door to a dentist office with a deranged blue unicorn. To be honest, they were a bit yellow from a lack of brushing, but it was hardly noticeable. His saddlebags were twice the size of gym bags you'd find in a locker room.
His smile fell as he looked at a picture in his hoof before looking around and smiling again, looking for his friend at the train station.
"Well at least somepony agrees with me!" A mare shouted. When I looked over, I saw she was pointing at me and arguing with a blue minotaur with duffle bags of his own.
"Iron Will did not see that pony looking our way. He just now turned his head!" A gruff voice said, his hand motioned towards the yellow mare, "Iron Will is not deaf. Iron Will demands payment!"
Fluttershy began to hide under her mane as she backed away, but I lost focus in that. "Iron Will?" I asked, trotting up.
"I'm not hurting her, honest!" Iron backed up, behind me Fluttershy ran off, but I didn't pay much attention. "Hey, get back-"
In one of my "death hugs", I raised him off the ground before lowering him. "What took you so long? Its me, Bulk Biceps!"
His confused look left as a half smirk appeared on his face, "Snowflake! What took Iron Will so long? What took you so long?! I was waiting here half an hour before an old customer preoccupied my time!"
"You mean Fluttershy?"
"You know her?"
"YEAH, I do! We were on a flight team in the Olympics! ...Or Equestrian Games, but the Griffons' name for it is better in my opinion."
Iron Will raised a brow as his smirk fell some, "I planned on flying a blimp there, but I was cheated again." A frown appeared as he spoke between his teeth, "I cant wait to find Flim and Flam!"
"I know, right? Let's continue the conversation at my place."
"You were carrying rocks?" Iron asked.
"YEAH!" I replied, dropping my bags which shook the ground. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, you know?"
"...Right. Iron Will will get his costume on," he said, taking out a battle ax from his bag.
"PonyCON is today?"
"Its actually tomorrow, but Iron Will wants to be there early." He paused when he stared at his mask, wondering how to put it on. "Who are you dressing up as?"
In the bathroom, bulk dumped a bucket of grey fur dye over himself after which he replied, "Saddle Ranger!"
"You know that's a mare, right?"
"Um... yeah..." I shook my head to clear the butterflies in my stomach. "How many muscular male superheroes do you see?"
"Saddle Wrangler?"
"No! He's just the sidekick, plus he never got a movie like Humdrum or Chicken Zip."
Iron peeked inside, his normally tame blue fur being hidden by wild brown fur and yellow lenses for eyes. "How's he a sidekick?"
I began to count my hoof, "He got his powers when his cousin gave some of her blood to save him, he's always a hulking pony and somehow looks better than everyone else, and is least experienced in his powers, but will be forever mentored by Saddle Ranger. Now let me start with Mare-velous and Humdrum-"
"I get it, Iron Will get's it!" Iron said with his hands up, walking away. "By the way, Randiance might get her own movie after Matter-Horn v. Mare-velous: A Matter of Justice! What's your take on it?"
"Overrated. How about SwimmingPool?"
"Iron will probably watch it if Box doesn't mess it up."
"YEAH!"
"If you cut, I'll show you what's up!" Iron shouted in the middle of the sea of ponies waiting in front of a bigger building, "How's that?"
"I think you should stick with the last one," I said, forelegs crossed as I sat. When the line began to move, I stood, towering every creature there. Even Iron Will making his Mini Minotaur look even smaller by comparison.
From the Ant and the Wasp Breezies to groups of Power Ponies... the Japonyse ones. There was a group of SwimmingPool Minotaurs and Spider Griffons, pranking oncoming patrons. Party ponies and famous stars mingled with other ponies who had nothing to do.
I even found Button Mash with Rarity's little sister dressed like Lunk and a Sea Pony.
"Shoo Shooby Doo!" the tiny unicorn greeted.
"Please kill me," Button muttered as somepony dressed as the Mysterious Mare Do Well glared at him through her lenses.
"Sorry, bro. I've got to go!" I replied as we walked. The mass of ponies stopped again as John DeLancie was heard over a loud speaker.
"Attention everypony! No. I'm not Discord," he said as Discord snaked himself into view, waving at everyone before vanishing and reappearing at the front of the line. "Yes, hi Discord. *ahem* Are you all ready to sweat!"
"YEEEAAA- Wait, what?" I asked myself in confusion.
John had his hoof on the microphone as he spoke, "Oh, that wasn't my line? Are you sure? Well, its true. Screw it. Enter!"
"Iron Will heard Luna Studios is having a panel, do you want to check?"
"Luna?! YEAH! I also want to see the Rainbow Dash presents panel, too, if you don't mind."
"Snowflake, this will be the best day ever!"
"That sucked..." I said, fixing my wig as we recovered from the royal caps lock.
"WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!" Iron shouted over nothing.
"I SAID 'THAT SUCKED'!"
"IRON WILL DON'T SWING THAT WAY!" he replied, brown arms crossed.
"WHAT?"
We suddenly regained our hearing as a unicorn healed our ears and hoofed us a shirt and hood saying "I SURVIVED THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE" on it. No joke, the "I survived" part was on the front the font was so big. We shrugged and Iron zipped his hoodie on as I placed the shirt in my bag- not filled with rocks this time. Iron pulled his ax carrying his stuff back over his shoulder as he stuck his sharp teeth in his mouth. "Teshting... teshting... one... choo... shree- Sho Iron Willsh hash a lishp, huh?" He punched his face without pain or regret. "HA! Take that novelty teeth!"
"I'm not going ask," I said, staring at the now perfectly molded plastic teeth in his mouth.
"Now lets-!"
"Hello~! Hello~!" A shrill voice called out. We turned our heads to a stall to see a skinny centaur-minotaur hybrid waving his bony hands at us. "See anything you like?"
Checking my tail and the stall, I shrugged and requested, "Do you have brown tail extensions? Wavy. ...Also some flower bracelets?"
"You're asking for that?" Iron asked, pointing at the weapons area of the stall. "He has Tar Tar Sauce, a diamond sword, a train-destroying katana, and Robuskas's dog!"
"Indeed! Tirek's Wares has all that stuff and more...for a price." said the hooded creature that was old, fragile, and creepy. "Gather what you desire and I'll name the price."
We looked around the stall, Iron grabbed said items plus Mini Minotaur's "War Armor" and a second battle ax while I completed my look and grabbed the arena saddle and armor with weapon boots from the "Planet Saddle Ranger" movie.
"Well, for completing your look your stuff is free, but your friend's is half off. Uh... twenty bits." He paused, "Though I'll lower the price to fifteen if he doesn't buy the Tartar Sauce."
"Sure, Iron Will accepts," Iron said, slowly pushing the blue-lidded jar away.
I nearly took out my bits when Tirek added, "You pulled my strings! I'll lower the price to five bits if you sing Mini Minotaur's theme."
"Really?!" Iron swung his ax into both hands, the bag transferred to his back in one fluid motion.
Tirek's jaw hung for a bit before he snickered, "For actually singing it in the voice, just take it! ...But not the Tartar Sauce. I have that in reserve for another cosplayer."
"Its fine. Hey, you should go to one of my confidence seminar! My treat and I'll teach you the inner workings of business," Iron bragged.
"Oh... um... I'm sorry, but I think you need to cancel that seminar... Mini Minotaur..."
The room began to fall into darkness before Iron could question the merchant, he fell through the ground I fell on!
Welcome to Ponyville, a small village in Equestria. Known for housing the last of the pure ponies in the Harmony District, South of the war between the Canter District and New Lunar Empire civil war, in the safety of the Everfree Forest.
"Granny, I caught a Timber Wolf!" a young voice shouted.
"Nope," a deeper, masculine voice cut in, "Ya found th' wolf Ah caught." After the red stallion tossed the wooded creature in a burning cage, he wiped his brow with an arm, "Eeyup. Good job, Applebloom."
Applebloom's ears perked up at that, sliding her jacket halfway off and pulled her sleeve... "No cutiemark..." The yellow filly sighed as she zipped her jacket back up. "Ah still can't believe it."
An old green mare in an orange cloak looked up from her quilt, sighing as realized lost hope in her granddaughter's eyes.
Big Mac patted her back with a free hand that decided to return to its woolly later to support his kin. Before he could add some words of encouragement to her searching, big eyed face, the patter of feet rushing near on the ground was heard. A purple colt with purple scales instead of fur and long green scales for a mane and ears ran up, panting smoke as he arrived.
"Spike?" the old mare asked, fixing her loose hood. "What's wrong, deary?"
Spike looked up to her with his green reptilian eyes. "Ms.... Ms. Smith... I was checking up on your... *gasp* ...flame." he said, staring at the red cage with a lever filled with three angry Timber Wolves standing on red stones and burning logs with moon hay. "There's going to be some... wind tonight."
"We're aware." Granny replied nodding, everyone sat on a log, "How's the family?"
"Pee Wee has been trying to burn himself, but the night is getting to the point that we might get an ice age," his head drooped as a tear fell. "I had to send him on a long journey to Saddle Arabia, but we both- we all know the dangers and the risk of his absence."
"We also know the risk of a useless phoenix," Big Mac added.
Spike nodded, "Yeah... How's the search for Twilight? Shining sent a letter earlier... He wants to abandon the unicorns and join the cold."
"We haven' found Apple Jack... or Rainbow... not even Rarity or Fluttershy!" Applebloom explained, a cloud of cold freezing her sigh. "Those two wouldn' wan ta be in a scary, dark, and dirty forest!"
Just then, a brown monster ran out of the forest, that resembled a bull with hands, using a large, bladed weapon as a crutch as it dragged another creature that resembled a pony with four hooves. Applebloom grabbed her trusty shovel from her tent as Big Mac and Spike got in defensive positions while Granny kept knitting, excepting what fate has in store or hoping her luck that kept her alive will work.
The horn creature shivered and panted, it's pleading yellow eyes and trembling gruff voice said, "P-pl-please... Help... us..." He promptly collapsed on the ground face first, almost hitting a rock.
"...Wow." Spike said, "They're so... small."
The creatures began to stir as they sat near the hearth fire at Colden Oaks, the library structure near Fluttershy's old cottage that now acts as town hall. Colden Oaks is a well insulated cylindrical concrete building with two underground floors and an above ground floor that acts as a library, apartment, science lab with observatory, and occasionally ration storage. There's a wood burning stove that works as the heating system that warms the whole place.
The first to wake up with the small pegasus creature... who screamed her heart out at herself. Apparently they might be mutants or was exposed to Everfree Magic? He left that thought for his to do list under "Find gems. Find Rarity. Give gems to Rarity."
Thinking about that, he only met her once so why is he so obsessive over her?
As soon as the screaming stopped, the other creature woke up, adding more screaming as he tugged brown fur and pinched himself. As soon as the last of the screams died down, I raised my eyebrow. "Are you two done yet?" I asked. ...And they screamed again. Faust! I know one of them knows Equish! I'm sure they don't speak in screams.
"Are you done yet?" I asked, they slowly nodded in response. "My name is Spike-" I quickly shoved the nearest objects into their mouths... the mutant mare had a hoofball while the mutant bull had a beaker to shut them up. "Yes. Good. You're done!" I clasped my hands together before quickly taking my things back and smiled. "Hello. My name is Spike the Dragon, heater of Ponyville, messenger of Celestia, and caretaker of Colden Oaks. Your turns, but for the love of Faust or Celestia, don't scream."
The bull was almost the same height as me, which wasn't a lot considering I'm a baby dragon. He stood up straight, fixing a headset microphone on his head, a voice too deep or gruff to be believable spoke, "Hi, I'm Iron Will... I'm a... Mini Minotaur..."
His name... I thought as a tingling sensation fell down my spine. Just coincidence, I'm sure. Spike turned to the tiny meek mare in green spandex adorned with flowers, "May I have your name, miss...?"
She stiffened up when I called her 'miss', but continued to speak despite closed eyes. Her voice was quiet, but smooth. I'd bet my bag of bits that a room would quiet down to hear her voice. "M-my name is Bulk Biceps..."
Spike's spine seemed to tingle as a nervous feeling hit him, Bulk?! What?! What kind of name is-
"...um...But some of my friends call me Snowflake...uh..." She tried to say more, but the words wouldn't form.
OK... Calm down, Spike. Maybe she was joking? No. She looked serious... besides the- She seemed serious. Something is up, but what?
"...I'm the Saddle Ranger." She finally said, her eyes shot wide open at that. "I-I'm the Saddle Ranger!!!"
Iron Will pounced over to a nearby table, where they're saddle begs were at, bouncing off the table and sliding near Saddle Ranger with said bags in his hands. He took out a paper bag with "PonyCON" inked on it, giving it to his friend. She promptly began to hyperventilate in the bag, each breath expanding and compressing the bag.
Iron on the other hand, just stared at his hands with a wide grin. "I really did that... I-I really-" His ax somehow appeared in his hand as he rose it above his head and began chanting, "Mini Montaur-taur! Tiny! Tiny Minotaur! Little Mini Taur-taur! I'm a tiny Minitaur!!!"
"Well, whooptie bucking do!" Saddle Ranger replied. "At least you're not a mare!"
"Well, whooptie bucking do!" I shouted, "At least you're not a mare!"
Great! Bucking. Great. Not only can I not keep a mare, but I would have to be a filly fooler to get one! Buck me sideways and- the sudden thought freaked me out, instinctively I grabbed my bag and began to hyperventilate again.
"What in Celestia's name are you two?!" Spike demanded, smoke leaking from his nostrils as he began to be creeped out, and I cant blame him!
Iron and I share a glance before he spoke for the both of us, "Apparently a mini minotaur and a gender bent superhero."
"Um... superhero?" Spike asked, "Like in the comic books before the reign of Nightmare Moon?"
There was a couple of blank stares before the gears began turning. "Reign of Nightmare Moon?!" they both asked, the force tossing Spike to the ground.
"Uh... yeah..." He replied, getting up slowly.
"How is there a "reign of Nightmare Moon" when the mysterious bearers of the elements of harmony returned Luna to her normal form?!" Bulk questioned, her hoof pointed at Spike, who rose an eyebrow as he stood back up.
"Wow. You really are from comic books..." He replied, taking out a scrapbook dubbed "Book of Scars and Nightmares". "Twilight and some new friends from Town-Ponyville trekked into the Everfree Forest months ago to find the elements of harmony."
As soon as Spike showed a picture of himself and Twilight in the middle of mug shots cut from library cards of her friends... but they were weird looking. They still had their pony face and colors, but the rest of them seemed off. They stood on their hind legs with backwards knees that resembled foreleg knees, with hooves inside of shin-high boots. Their barrel looked odd, despite being covered in some sort of cloth all over, they could see that their torso was tall with bulges on top and their front legs were at the sides of their body. At the end of what Spike called "arms" were these claws called "hands" that were used for many things.
Continuing inspection showed that pegasi still had wings and unicorns still had horns while earth ponies had tails... for some reason this world was tail biased. "These don't look like ponies," Saddle Ranger finally said.
"No, YOU don't look like a pony!" Spike retorted, "You two are the weirdest things ever!" Pointing at Iron Will, "He's a tiny pony with a pure bull head-" his claw moved to Bulk, "-and your some mutant bull with a pony head and claim to be a pegasus with a tail! To top that off, you both claim to be long dead people!"
After some on-off arguing, explanations, and clarifications: Spike learned that there two freaks are not of his world. Bulk and Iron on the other hoof gained a serious revelation.
They were in a world where Equestria is in a constant civil war that involved the rest of the world. Since Celestia cant move her sun and Nightmare Moon wont let her move it, the war has been on a stand still where half of the planet is freezing and the other half is burning so bad that dragons, who are needed to absorb heat and send the gathered head to the ice side during dragon migrations.
Within that time, there's an agreement for night-day swapped holidays to prevent self-destruction...somehow. Winter Wrap Up has never been so tedious! There's also vampire ponies, who use those holidays to gather the blood of those unaccustomed to their presence. The civil war returned to a stalemate ever since the treaty of Changeling and the return of the Crystal Empire helped Nightmare Moon out of a jam. Discord returned, but his new vampiric curse has made him a servant of Nightmare Moon, willing to joke around with the "sunny side" since he is the only vampire that sparkles.
The unicorns and few pegasi from Equestria try to block the sun using their magic, but the heat still pour down. Everypony wish that an eastern or western wind would blow, but sometimes when they do get that wish, storms are created...
Back at Sweet Apple, the apples sat at their campsite. Survival has been boring so the Cutie Mark Crusaders took it upon themselves to find a fun way to stay warm so they established their club-tent next to Applebloom's tent. Sitting with the apple family, a little orange filly in a cyan coat sat, her hands over their fire.
"I wonder what's keeping Sweetie?" Scootaloo thought aloud, "She never misses a meeting."
"Maybe she caught a cold?" Applebloom replied.
"Or maybe the cold shoulder forgot her place." A third voice piped up. The four ponies turned their heads to the two pairs of glowing blue and purple eyes in the dark. "I mean, not only is she a cold shoulder, but a unicorn warm blood."
"Diamond Tiara..." Scootaloo said between teeth, taking out her rainbow neck spear dubbed 'Wonder Rainbow'. "What are you doing here?"
A pink filly walked into the light, her yellow coat not made for the cold and her wavy purple, white streaked hair uncovered nor frozen. She wore a black shirt underneath her coat, but the blood on it still evident. She gave her usual grin that showed off her fangs, "Funny, that's the third time I heard that question. We're here to sent our trash to the dump." She turned her head, "Spoon."
A grey haired filly wearing glasses with one lens in the frame and her fluffy ears back walked into the light. In her hands, she held her grey pony tail and a trash bag, frowning and wiping the tear ice off her face. "...R-Right Ms. Tiara..." She tossed the bag into the fire, a scream sounding from inside. As the bag burned, Big Mac quickly grabbed a white hand, who belonged to a beaten Sweetie Belle in a potatoe sack.
"Oh, what's wrong? I thought you were freezing?" Diamond said in mock concern before laughing, unsheathing a couple of diamond knives with leather handles. "Anyway, thanks for the gift! I think I will pawn them off for moon stones. Chao!"
Silver Spoon straightened her purple shirt and glasses, waving sadly at the angry ponies and burnt Sweetie Belle, "Sorry..."
Granny pulled her quilt over the shivering filly, "Applebloom, grab yer spare. Big Mac, get the medication box."
That evening... or afternoon if we believe Spike- started off tense, but calmed down through finding common understanding. Spike was about to brew some tea when a message from Granny Smith was belched out of him. Reading the scroll, we learned that Sweetie Belle lost her home to Diamond Tiara the Gold Heart and Silver Spoon and heroes were needed to either liberate Carousel Boutique or gather needed items for the filly.
Like the good heroes they've become... Iron Will forced Saddle Ranger to join him in the liberation of Sweetie's home.
"Iron, i-its cold out h-h-here!" Saddle exclaimed as she flew, holding Iron Will close for stealth... or a sneak attack. Whatever the plan was.
"I'm aware, but it was agreed that we must get the child her home back, no matter the cost."
"Stop being a baby," Iron replied. "Drop me, now! I'll meet you back at Spike's place."
"I-I-I'm n-not l-lea-leaving y-you!!"
"Well then, DIVE!" Just as he shouted that, hissing could be heard from behind me. Some vampire ponies tailed us we dived, their claws reaching for Saddle Ranger's tail. "Get back you freaks!" Iron shouted as he shined a flashlight at the vampires, who were burning in pain.
"Iron!" Bulk gasped.
"What? Best flashlights bits can buy. I forgot I had it for a moment!" Once on the ground, Iron Will took out his ax and began waving both the ax and the flashlight around. Bulk ran towards to Boutique, finding the frozen town hasn't changed much from his home.
Iron Will flashed the paper at a vampire, who began burning while screaming, "He stole my waifu!"
He quickly discarded the paper for an LED flashlight, which had a combustible effect on vampires. "Wow! This is better than Flash Sentry x Twilight Sparkle!" He soon joined Bulk, who at that point discovered his Saddle Ranger powers, which made him twice his original size, rivaling the Celestia of their world.
With her voice returned to normal, Bulk shouted, "YEAH!Bring. It. ON!!!"
Storming the small town didn't cause much of a problem and we learned that vampires will explode if they attempt to drink Bulk's blood. ...Which is sad- Hold on.
How many Derpys are there?! They keep trying to bite bite Bulk without a good outcome! Its as if the universe didn't want to make more ponies and cloned single ponies! Iron Will noticed this and was tempted to ask if ponies were asexual.
The finally made it to Carousel Boutique where they heard one girl gloating to her friend on some victory and the friend being a kiss-up.
"Did you see the look on their faces?!" One girl asked excitedly.
"Uh.. yes... I did."
"You don't sound excited."
There was a series of claps and awkward cheering. "Woo-hoo!"
"We'll have to work on your personality. I know, we can get ice cream!" I know they can get snow cones. We can give them lemonade.
"What will that do?"
"Well, we used to enjoy it before we became the master race. We can just soaked Sweetie's drained blood on it and have the same effect."
"You bit her?!" the friend nearly screamed.
"Is that concern?" The girl said, seemingly angry.
"N-no... I'm just curious." An obvious lie... hopefully.
"No drained the blood through an I.V. tube-thingy and into a bag. We don't want her becoming one of us."
"She wont survive. She will freeze to death..."
"Meh. One less cold shoulder warm blood to worry about."
"...B-but what about the blood supply! One less warm blood means no food!"
"The hospital's blood banks will sustain us for years and there's red meat in the Everfree Forest." There was some silence before she spoke again, "Something is breathing and I doubt there's three cats here."
Iron Will stepped through the doorway from the kitchen, standing in the once fashion capital of the building. Mannequins lied around destroyed and the walls smelled moldy while wall paper peeled and cracked. There was blood soaked on the ground and they saw two fillies. A grey one on a stool and a pink one with a bag of blood in her... uh... claws? I forgot.
There was a long pause as Saddle Ranger and Silver Spoon shared a glance, their friends glaring at each other before Diamond audibly gagged. "Its hideous! What is that... thing?!"
Iron Will's neck began to be sore from looking up, so he cut to the chase, smirking. "I'M A TINY MINOTAUR!!!"
Diamond dodged a battle ax that flew at her head, quickly taking out a golden pipe. Silver backed away, grabbing a blue-grey sniper rifle from a coat rack. Bulk gained muscle mass as she ran towards Silver, only to fall face first on the ground and her strength gone as a dart stuck out of her wing.
"So, the god awful monster can talk." Diamond sneered as Iron Will took out his other ax.
"I'm not just a little minitaur, I'm a mini minotaur." Iron growled.
"Does it look like I care what you are?"
"I mean seriously," he began, "a vampire with a blow dart? I nay be a baby, wrench!"
"What did you call me?" Diamond loaded her dart, firing it, but it was for naught as Iron dodged it. She fired some more, but they never hit for many reasons. "Silver! Back me!"
"Y-Yeah... Of course!"
Iron rolled his eyes, "Of course you need help. You're a spoiled daddy's girl, who needs either his money and status or unnatural powers to look important. I've heard of you. And yes, I do mean to barge, because I'M IN CHARGE!"
Diamond shot a dart, which Iron redirected towards Silver Spoon, who dropped like a puppet with its strings cut. She began to whimper as her eyes dropped, "...I thought you... said... no... no poison..."
"You had a clear shot and, like, blew it!" Diamond retorted as she reloaded her dart. She suddenly felt the end of a diamond blade on her neck.
Saddle Ranger struggled to stay on wobbly hind legs as she held one of Sweetie's gem knives to Diamond's neck, "I have a clear shot, too."
