The Chronicles of Moonshade part 2

by Kix

First published

Moonshade is trying to reconcile with her past actions and prove she isn't the mare she was.

A year and some change has past since the defeat of Nightmare Moon. Moonshade's past has caught up to her mentally along with the ostricisizing from the upper echelons of Equestrian society as she tries to show she has changed. At the same time the pressures of being related to the royal sisters and trying to steady her rocky friendships are taking a toll on her as well.

The judgment is in, what does the future hold for Moonshade as she goes through her struggles?


As always comments are welcome both good or bad

Prologue; Judgment

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What are they waiting for? How long are they going to keep me in here before I learn my fate? Looking at the grey walls surrounding me it has been two weeks since I’ve been locked up. Two weeks spent in solitary confinement with a magic inhibitor on my horn and two weeks since I’ve last spoken to any pony.

‘Aw, what’s wrong? You didn’t think they would do this if you turned yourself over? Your Mother, Aunt and friends are the reason you are in this hell hole now. You could have h---’

Shut up already, I’m tired of hearing you complain. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have to be here.

“Alright prisoner, the judges are ready for you now,” With a sigh the guard’s voice thankfully breaks not just the argument with the Remnant but the silence of this cell. “Go ahead and try something, Monster. I’ll gladly save the royal coffers some bits and kill you myself.”

“Enough, private. If you can’t act in a professional manner then you will be given extra duty for a year, understood!” Taking a glance at the private I notice he’s a unicorn with a brown coat and red mane, his magic surrounds the cuffs that are now attaching to my legs. The one seemingly in charge is also a unicorn, his coat is white and his mane is a trio of blue. As he looks at me I can feel the weight of authority he wields. Also his armor is purple instead of the usual gold. As he speaks to me his voice is hard. “I know all about what you’ve done, Moonshade, and who you are thanks to my sister. She seems to think you’ve changed, so either prove her and others right or suffer.”

“Thank you---”

“Shining Armor. Ex Captain of the Royal Guard and now Prince of the Crystal Empire. Platoon, form up!” As they form up, four unicorns stand smartly off to my left and right two in front of me and two behind. Above us four pegasi fly, keeping pace with the forced march in the same squared formation.

Silently I’m led through the castle until I find myself in a courtroom, the hallways have been surprisingly empty during my march.

The room is empty of ponies, along with the entire area around the entrance. The only exception are the three judges sitting on a raised dais behind a table. “Thank you Shining Armor, you may leave when you finish uncuffing the prisoner.” Looking around the room is a dark grey with rows upon rows of wooden benches behind a wooden partition.

“Yes your honors.” With a salute he uncuffs me and moves out of the room with military precision to join the other guards.

“Now, before we begin, Moonshade, you will notice that there is only just you and us, no lawyers and no bystanders due to your request. Because of your request only the princesses will be made aware of your sentencing, if there is one.” The middle judge, who is higher up than the other two states, his voice official and flat. His coat is a tanish color with a greying mane and muzzle. “If you would prefer, we can handle this with a jury of your peers, but you will have to say so now. Also, you are still afforded the protections and rights granted by Equestrian law, and since you have denied legal counsel you cannot proclaim a mistrial in the event of being found guilty. Do you understand?”

“Y- yes your honor, thank allowing me this type of trial.” The weight of the inhibitor cuff and my own thoughts cause my head to lower till it is dropping near my elbows.

“Very well. Moonshade, you are charged with murder, kidnapping and sedition. How do you plead?” The judge on the right reads off the charges I am facing. She is light blue with greying aquamarine hair.

“Guilty, I plead guilty to all charges and I’ll accept whatever punishment you feel is adequate, even if it means forfeiture of my life.” I must have shocked them with my response, but the only signs of it is their raised eyebrows.

'WHAT! YOU FOAL!’

“I see, no claiming you were seduced or brain washed? However, we would like to hear from you why you chose to carry out these acts.” The final judge, this one the youngest judging by his dulled mane of blue and orange coat, says, sounding slightly annoyed.

“Yes, your honor. I will do my best as I do not fully remember certain events,” Taking a deep breath I finally look up at them, my tired gaze focused mostly on the middle judge. “I- I remember witnessing the beginning of the fight between Aunt Celestia and… Nightmare Moon. I was... scared and… and in my fear I got trapped, becoming encased in a ball of shadows that kept me alive.”

I debate for a few moments on if I should mention the brainwashing I suffered in my thousand years of imprisonment. “When I came to it was when Nightmare Moon returned and was subsequently beaten by Twilight and her friends. After… after a thousand years of being trapped in my mind I… I lost all memory of who I was. I didn’t know it at the time but I had a… connection with Nightmare Moon. A piece of her somehow came to... live inside me. All the time I spent in the cocoon she… she basically brainwashed me and I was unable to fight it.”

“So, you are saying you are guilty, but only because of this… remnant of Nightmare Moon? Is that how you are going to explain the deaths as well?” The younger judge asks, a bit skeptical so far of my answers.

“No your honor. I- I cannot explain why I did that, and I know that whatever happens, nothing can heal the pain of those I hurt nor bring back those I killed.”

“How was it you became able to break free of the Remnant’s influence?” The judge opposite him asks, her voice a little bit softer.

“It was all thanks to Discord and some zebra. There was a potion that helped me witness past events, revealing a lie I have been told over and over again for a thousand years. It was the realization that I was being manipulated to be a pawn while being promised the position of right hoof mare.”

‘YOU FOAL! THEY’LL KILL YOU! DON-’ I can feel the Remnant’s fear wash through me, causing me to smile as I close my eyes.

I know.

“What are you smiling about?” The youngest judge seems agitated when he notices my head is held high and the smile that forms on my muzzle.

“The fact that my last act in this life will be to thwart Nightmare Moon, again. And it can do nothing to stop it’s demise this time.” For the first time since I can remember I feel calm as all my senses sharpen till everything becomes crystal clear.

As the youngest judge grins the other two nod at each other before the primary judge speaks. “I think we have heard enough, we shall deliberate your punishment.” The trio get up and walk into the back room, the door locked as I sit there serenely.

Ignoring the shouts and screams of the Remnant I just sit there, patiently waiting to learn my future, reveling in the calmness the moment seems to have inspired.

I must have dozed off at some point but the sound of the door opening and the three judges taking their place again, confirms they have come to a conclusion. However what I find surprising is the fact that not only is Shining Armor present but also mom, Aunt Celestia, Twilight and the other Princess. All five have their faces contorted to expressionless features as I stand up before the judges.

“Moonshade, you have entered a plea of guilty for the charges of kidnapping, murder and sedition. Any one of those are capital class crimes, with murder and sedition being punishable by death. However it is the finding of this court that you have acted not of your own volition but have been bent to serve another’s will. Your punishment shall be thus. Until this court deems otherwise, you shall be placed under total house arrest. You shall not leave the castle unless authorized by this court and will be escorted at all times by either a princess or the royal guard. Any slip up, no matter how slight, will result in the fulfillment of your death sentence.” The senior judge’s voice echos through the room as he speaks, the judge on his left look s completely upset while the other judge looks content.

Chapter One; Depression

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~~~~~One Month After the Trial~~~~~

Why was I summoned here? Don’t they know I make the nobles uncomfortable? I take a look around the room while trying to hide in my seat. The walls are painted an off white as a couple tapestries depicting the crest of the royal sisters hang along the wall. A large, highly polished wooden table stands in the middle, which is currently filled with very well dressed and regal looking unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies. There is only one unicorn in the crowd I know, and I wish I didn’t.

The gathered ponies, representing the noble houses of Equestria are all facing five thrones. Aunt Celestia sits in the center throne while mom sits on her right side with Twilight Sparkle occupying the throne on Celestia’s left. Princess Cadence, who I have gotten to know really well during her few visits, sits next to Twilight.

I am sitting next to mom, despite my protests and arguments that I have no real reason for being there, seeing as how I am an ersatz 'princess’ who has not even been coronated, which I am thankful for. Not only that, but my lack of… popularity amongst the noble houses, which all are represented here, will not do any favors for the four, true princesses.

Despite my desires and wishes to not be involved in the minutiae of politics both mom and auntie forced it down my throat, which means I have at least some idea of why this meeting is being held, though I don’t really care. Auntie should just get rid of the nobles and save herself and mom from a constant migraine. Why do we even have them?

Before the meeting can be started, one of the nobles speaks up, obviously furious at my appearance. “Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, does she have to be here? It has been made clear that the majority of the noble houses refuse to acknowledge her royal heritage. We must insist she leave, immediately.”

“Silver Tail, my dear, most of the noble houses may have chosen to dismiss Moonshade’s heritage, but we have no sway over the actions of the Princesses. If they deem it important for the long lost member of the royal family to attend, then who are we to disagree?” The response to the silvery coated pegasus stallion’s outburst comes not from the alicorns, but from another noble. The only one who has taken a little bit of time getting to know me.

As the whitish grey unicorn stallion with a light azure mane and mustache turns to me I give him a faint hint of a smile before hanging my head and slumping even further in my seat. At the same time he continues. “I am sorry for speaking up like that, your highnesses. But I am tired of hearing all the negativity my fellow nobles have towards a mare of such potential. They seem to have forgotten the past.”

I- I knew they didn’t like me, but this… they must really hate me. I should have been executed, at least the pain caused to mom and aunt Tia would be short lived. Now? Now they have to deal with me and my mistakes daily. The meeting continues as I zone out, thinking back on how easily I was convinced to join this meeting, only three hours earlier.

~~~~~Three Hours Earlier~~~~~

"It is important that you make an appearance, Moon, and not for me or my sister, but for yourself. How can you show that you have changed if you keep yourself caged up in your room?” She’s right, dammit. I can’t hide in here forever. Maybe… maybe I have been worried about nothing, though the fact I still have no idea why the judges spared me is a bit worrisome in its own right.

"I- I'm not sure. I just… I don't feel comfortable being around ponies, especially the nobility, right now." I admit as I shrink into my bed, my gaze firmly locked on the stuffed animals that line the headboard above my pillow as I speak just above a whisper. "You know they hate me, don't you? They don't want me around and I don't want to cause you or aunt any problems, well, any more problems than I already have." With a sniffle I hide underneath my covers, curling into tight ball as tears begin to fall onto to soft, silky sheets under me.

"I am getting worried about you, my little Moon. Both me and Tia are. We have heard that you stopped mailing Twilight and not even your other three friends have come in a while." Mom’s voice is soft and soothing as she lays on the bed, curling around my still covered form while laying her head gently atop my back. "You know you can talk to us at any time, don't you?" My only response is a very slight nod.

With a final sigh I shift and leave the comfort of my bed, still feeling broken on the inside. I reluctantly get ready with a shower before joining mom outside my door. In her magical grasp is a silver crown, one she has tried to get me to wear multiple times already, much to my distress. Along with the crown she also has me wear a silvery collar and hoof shoes, like hers but custom made for me and me alone. I don’t deserve these, I shouldn’t be allowed to wear them. I’m not royalty and will never be, not that I can blame anypony for that, except myself.

As we travel down the long hallway a couple of guards, both solar and lunar, bow before us as we approach, even going as far as welcoming me back and showing concern for my well being, though I imagine it is only out of professional courtesy than actual concern. They know what I did, they shouldn’t be glad I’m free, they should be angry. No, they should hate me for how many of their fellow guards I have cut down.

To my surprise, one of the guards I run into is the lieutenant that tried to arrest me back in Detrot, the one I ended up putting to sleep and gave nightmares to. I have no idea what she is thinking or what must be on her mind as she stops in front of me, offering an unprofessional hoof shake instead of the traditional salute. "I know you are in a hurry, your highnesses so I will make this short.” Did she not get the memo? I am no princess, I am nowhere close to being one. “Moonshade, I know that you killed those two under my command, but I know now it was not your fault. You were coerced and under Nightmare’s control. I am working on being able to forgive you and I hope that all of Equestria will be able to do the same.* I don’t deserve her forgiveness, nor anypony else’s.

‘You are right, why should they forgive you? It might be blamed on my control over you, but ultimately it was you who pulled it off. There is no other pony to blame.’ I can’t tell if this is coming from my own subconscious, the Remnant or a mixture of both, but I know those words are the truth.

As she steps away with a smile and salute, I can’t help but feel even worse than I was already feeling, my lower jaw nearly grazes the stone floor as I enter the room behind mom. Any conversation that was going one either stops or turns to hushed whispers as all eyes fall on me then to the weight atop my head.

"What is THAT monster doing in here? send her away now before she kills us all."

"Quiet! she has been cleared of any wrong by the courts. You yourself chose one of the judges that served on the tribunal. She has just as much right, or more, to be here as you do." Celestia scolds, her voice surprisingly shaded by anger before she turns to me and softens her voice. "How have you been, Moonshade?"

As I take my place next to mom I can't help but notice that the arrogant pegasus stallion is seated right across from me, his glare causing me to shrink almost to the point of hiding beneath the table. "I'm… okay I guess aunt." My response is a bare whisper, earning a frown of concern from both sisters. Even my attempts to avoid Twilight’s questioning gaze draw some concerned whispers from the alicorns and nobility, though the reasoning for both groups are probably different.

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

Throughout the meeting I just remain silent and still, not wanting to draw any more attention to myself. "Moonshade, what do you think of the planned proposition?" Celestia asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Uhhh... I'm sorry aunt, but..." As I notice all eyes on me I begin to hyperventilate, trembling in my seat as my chest feels ready to explode due to my racing heart. Frantically I stare at the closed door as my breathing is nearly cut off. My next words are rushed as I make my escape, the majority of the nobles just laugh and yell at me to get out. "I- I can't... I need to be excused." As I run back to my room at a full gallop I am distantly aware of both mom and aunt Tia calling out for me.

The memories of my victims fill up my mind as their faces stare back at me with dead, accusing eyes. Soon I find myself back in my room, settled on the floor on my belly. My eyes fall upon a large pile of letters that remain unopened, letters from my so called friends, Twilight and Princess Cadence. As I continue to look at them my gaze falls upon my room's balcony and the open window.

Without thought my body moves of its own accord as I approach, I can feel myself going numb as I stand on the railing. A strand of shadows begins to form a noose around my neck as the other end wraps around a pillar. Standing there I glance down, tears falling freely as I go to move forward, one hoof already dangling in the empty space while the other edges forward. Even from my height I can make out the forms of the citizens of the capital city, thanks to the fact my room is next to both Celestia’s and mom’s.

I don't deserve to be allowed to live, not after what I’ve done. It's for the best anyway, I doubt anypony besides mom and aunt Tia will miss me. I bet there’ll be an Equestria wide celebration when the news I’m dead spreads.

"MOON! NOOO!" My ears barely register the shout as I lean forward and begin to fall, my eyes screwed shut, only to be stopped by a purple aura that surrounds me before I am lifted back up and gently lain atop my bed. The numbness, the hopelessness I’m feeling makes the movements of four ponies surrounding me feel faint, as if they were miles away. "Why did you try to do that, Moon?" Twilight asks as my eyes focus finally. Instead of answering I just bury myself into the bedding and cry. "Why didn't you tell anypony you were feeling this bad?" She inquires as four bodies encircle me, four different wings lay across my back. My gaze nearly empty and distant as I can't find an answer.

"Please, answer us cousin. We want to help you, but we cannot if we do not know what is wrong." Cadence prods gently as she tries to make eye contact, but to no avail.

"I- I..." I start, trailing off as I try to formulate the words I want to but is unable to do so. "I'M TIRED OF LIVING, ALRIGHT! I- I DESERVE TO DIE AFTER WHAT I'VE DONE!" I finally shout out before reburying my head in my hooves, another round of sobs wrack my body.

The four alicorns just lay there silently, obviously agreeing with me in their own minds but afraid to say it publicly and soon I drift off to sleep, or at least what could pass for sleep.

The next day when I wake up I notice the lack of bodies surrounding me and how high up in the sky the sun already is. I can sense some kind of enchantment on my closed balcony doors probably to warn of a future suicide attempt. Not wanting to get out of bed I look around my room, the walls and ceiling are a mixture of grey and black and very little decoration adorns them. Even my bed, bedspread and the few other furnishings are grey, black or a combination of the two. The only real color in the room, besides my ‘royal’ accoutrements are the stuffed animals and the book covers.

An hour later Twilight enters my room with announcing herself and approaches my bed, the sounds of another set of hooves follow her inside as she lights a few candles in an effort to lighten the room some. "Moon? This is Sunshine, I requested for him to come and see you, he is a psychologist. Please talk to him." Upon hearing her voice I turn to face her and the newcomer while staying under the thick comforter.

"Hello there Moonshade, I've heard you've been having some very serious problems." His smile is soft as he approaches, and when he speaks his voice is full of warmth, compassion and care. Despite my wanting to remain silent something else inside urges me to speak to him. "Princess, I know you mean well but could you please leave us?"

"N- no. C- could she stay please?" I croak out, sliding out from under my covers before she makes it to the door.

"If you feel more comfortable then yes, she may."

"Thank you.Wh- where do I begin?" My attention falls back on him as Twilight settles next to me, a wing comfortingly draped across my back. I… I hope this is a good idea, Twilight. If not, nothing is going to stop my next attempt.

"Well, why don't we start with how are you feeling today?"

"I feel… empty inside, like there is no hope for me." I finally confess, refusing to make even the slightest bit of eye contact as he just waits patiently. "I- I know I did horrible things in the past and I... I feel horrible for what I've done,” Already I can feel the tears stain my cheek fur as I speak into my hooves, trying to bury myself. “I just... I wish I could change what I did, or change the decision the judges made, or even prevent my birth in the first place." I continue, my voice quiet and trembling as I speak. "I- I… I'm scared that I… that I could turn back into that monster again. I hate myself for what I have done.”

Through my words and my restrained sobs I can hear the faint scratching of a quill on paper as he takes down some notes. “Have you talked to your friends or family about these fears you have?”

“No. I… I don’t want to scare mom, aunt Celestia or Cadence, or make them worry. As for friends, I don’t… I hav---”

Before I can continue Twilight cuts me off, sharply glaring at me. “Do NOT continue with that line of thought, Moonshade. You have friends, or at least ponies who want to try to be your friend. And not just myself, but what about Lily, Sunstreak and Almond? When was the last time you talked to them?”

I can feel the weight of their eyes as they wait for me to answer, silently prodding it out of me. “I… maybe two weeks or so.”

Sunshine speaks up, possibly by using a hoof to cut off Twilight’s response. “And why is it that you have not talked to them in so long?”

“Because I shouldn’t have friends, no pony should be associated with a monster. Especially three ponies I have tried to kill. She may try to hide it, but Lily is still scared to death of me, I can see it in her eyes. It is better for me and for every pony else.” My voice, while rough from the dryness of my vocal chords have also taken on a deadened, empty tone.

“Twilight, I know you are the Princess of Friendship, and I think it would be best if you are able to get her away from this city and castle. Maybe introduce her to your friends and invite these three ponies you mentioned as well. Also, changing this room’s decor would also be a major help.” As he addresses the lavender alicorn I can’t help but wonder if his idea would actually work, or if it would be just a waste of time and energy.

‘You know that Twilight’s friends will never accept you, so why even try? That is of course if the judges go along with this in the first place. Besides, you said it yourself, Lily and her friends are scared of you, why force them to be with a pony that they fear?’

So lost am I in the inner dialog it takes me some time to register that the doctor is addressing me. “Moonshade, I want to see you again in a week, okay. Between now and then I want you to start a thought and feeling journal, to help keep track of when you are feeling depressed or even happy. I really want you to give this experiment with Twilight a try and open up.” He lays down a couple pamphlets of paper on my bedside table after standing up and follows the youngest princess out the door.

As they leave me alone again, feelings of abandonment start to take root, mixing with the negative thought storm I find myself in. I curl up around a pair of my favorite stuffed toys, cradling them tightly to my chest in a futile attempt for comfort and I just stay there laying in my bed, waiting.
I have no idea how long it has been after they left, but Twilight returns, her voice sounding bubbly and excited. “Moonshade, I need to go back home for now but I have gotten permission from the judges and have already made arrangements for your visit. Both Celestia and Luna have agreed this is for the best, I will be here in the morning to help get you packed. I will see you tomorrow okay?" As she departs with a smile both mom and auntie look in on me from the doorway, concern evident in their expressions as I drift off to sleep, again.

Chapter Two; Preparations and Arrival

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The need for food is a powerful motivator, it can drive ponies to do things they normally don’t want to do. At least, that is how I felt as I woke up to a complaining, empty stomach and find myself grudgingly pick my way to the dining room. With every step I curse mom and auntie as they have cancelled the room service I have grown fond of, saying, and I quote ‘You cannot lock yourself in your room. You need to socialize and show every pony that you are in fact trying to show you have changed.’ Yea, like they’ll be convinced I changed, it won’t matter what I do, they’ll always hate me.


‘You are right, why try when it will not change how others feel about you? Had you not screwed me over, you would not be in this dilemma in the first place, instead you would be sitting at my ride side, general of my army. You have no other pony to blame for this misery but yourself.’ The Remnants words, at least the final sentence, is nothing but one hundred percent truthful. However, that realization doesn’t make me feel any better as my tail drags limply across the floor while I hang my head with ears pinned against the back of my skull.


Somewhere in my walk through the corridors I find an open, but empty office with a clock facing the door and it’s only then I realize I’ve been asleep for almost fourteen hours, no wonder I’m so hungry.


Despite how late in the day it is the dining area is surprisingly occupied by quite a few ponies and as I enter the room goes deathly silent, all eyes on me as I notice there is a mixture of royal guard, lunar guard and bureaucrats of various stations gathered throughout the room. I don’t even try to hide how bad I am feeling as I find myself sitting alone at the high table, which is only reserved for the Princesses, which I am counted as according to mom and aunt Tia, much to the nobles’ dismay.

"Greetings Princess. I hope you're feeling better, I've heard about what happened yesterday." So deep in my self loathing that I failed to recognize that I’m being joined by four strangers. It takes me some time, but I soon recognize the lieutenant from the day before as she speaks up cheerily while sitting down across from me, flanked by three other guards. "By the way I’m Solar Blitz, Lieutenant Solar Blitz." This is the first time I got to get a good look at her, since I’m not being hurried and she isn’t wearing her armor. Her coat is a pure white with her mane and tail a bright yellow that almost matches the sun.

"I'm corporal Diamonds, pleasure to meet you." The earth stallion who is sitting on Solar’s right says first. He has a coat that is light grey, a few shades lighter than mine, with a short, black mane and tail. I barely avoid his light blue gaze while focusing on my plate.

"Hi, I'm private Rubyshine." The red unicorn stallion in the center says. His mane and tail are a pure white with a slender streak of bright red going through it.

"And I'm private Amber Rays. It’s good to finally get to know you." The pegasus mare happily greets from the furthest position from Solar. Her coat is an amber hue while her mane and tail are a bright yellow with a white streak.


As the rounds of introductions are made I just look at them in confusion while also trying to sound somewhat sociable even though I’d rather be left alone. “Why… why are you four here? Where are your armor and weapons?”


Before any of them can answer, a loud, familiar voice can be heard from nearby. “Well, when did aunt Celestia and aunt Luna start allowing criminals to eat amongst the nobility?” Sure enough, Prince Blueblood, my adopted, higher than thou cousin is sitting at the far right end of the table.


“You know, Blueblood, if I didn’t know any better, I would say you’re afraid. Afraid that with Moonshade around your influence and power base could be weaker than it already is. You know your claims of being Celestia’s nephew will only get you so far, right?” Solar says as she stares him down, which gets Blueblood to back down fairly easily.

With a sigh Solar sits down, smiling. "You know, he is cute. If it wasn't for his attitude I think he'd be buried up to his eyes in swooning mares eager to be with him." With a giggle she adds. "And I wouldn't mind being one of them, what do you think, Moon?"

"I'm... I… I don’t want to think about something like that right now. How did you know about what happened?" I finally speak up after a minute as our plates are placed quickly in front of us, the server bowing before me as she backs away. Either it was out of respect for my ‘position’ or respect for my mom and aunt, I have no clue, but it only serves to intensify my unease with my new… position.

"Well, we had to be informed, seeing as how we are your appointed personal body guards." Solar announces between bites, making me cough and choke as I look at her in shock. Why… why does she seem so… enthusiastic about this appointment? She should hate my guts for what I did to her and the other two members of her squad.

"W- who gave you that assignment? When?"

"Yesterday, by both Princess Celestia and Luna." Amber answers, seeing as how her commander’s mouth is full. She must be one of the newer members of the squad, I wonder if Solar or Diamonds have told these two about what happened last time we met.

"Though while you are gone and visiting Princess Twilight Sparkle, we won't have much to do. Which, is… to be honest, ok with us, we're due for some R and R." Diamonds finishes with a grin. “Hopefully you will have just as good a time as we plan on having.”

A slight, forced smile creases my muzzle as I push the food around my plate some, dreading the upcoming trip. "Yeah it's gonna be… fun." I doubt it. I wonder if I can hide myself at Twilight’s the whole time.


I quickly grow tired of being around my new bodyguards and their cheerful attitudes, so despite my nearly empty belly I barely eat the rest of my food before sighing, getting up from the table with a mumbled excuse. The four of them just watch me, a bit taken aback at my sudden leave and at my how miserable I must look as they join me while I amble back towards my room. The last sight I take in of the dining room is of Blueblood and his uppity sneer as he watches me leave.

By the time I’ve made it to my room the squad of four are actually a little worried at my silence and body posture during the trip. “Thanks, you’re dismissed.” The words are mumbled as I close the door, sighing as I start to pack, unsure of what I should bring. Eventually I settle on just a couple of my comforting stuffed dolls and a few other items that may be necessary. By the time I finish packing I notice a pair of visitors who must have been watching me the whole time. Without turning I can guess who they are. "Hey mom, aunt Tia."

"Excited for this opportunity, little Moon?" Mother asks tenderly as she watches me, I can tell she is a bit upset though tries to hide it behind a smile. She grasps a couple things that I pulled out but declined to add to the bags in her magic before adding them to my baggage.

"Not really mom, Just---” I feel myself deflate as I expel a sigh, trying to sound somewhat positive, but I can tell I failed epicly. “Scared. my last victims were killed in plain view in Ponyville. What if… what if they still hate me? What if they don't want me there? I know Twilight is well loved and a positive influence there, but… there's only so much her and her friends can smooth over. I don't want to cause them any problems by my mere presence." As I finish up bringing up my fears, I heavily fall onto the bed, my legs unable to support my weight. Again I can’t help but feel nothing but despair and the crushing but nearly constant weight of sadness.

"Don't fret little Moon, you underestimate my student's strength and the power of forgiveness. You were a different pony then." Celestia responds as I'm wrapped up in a tight a hug, surrounded by two bodies and four wings.

"We found this not too long ago in the ruins. We had to replace the chain, however. Do you remember it?" Mom asks as a locket is levitated in front of me, letting me get a good look at it before being placed around my neck. It is a golden locket made to look like the Solar Princess’ cutie mark with mom’s cutie mark inlaid in silver. The chain was sized so the locket would rest perfectly over my heart.


Out of reflex I open it up with my magic as the memory starts to come to me, tears filling my eyes. As the halves slowly spring open a soft melody begins to fill the room, a lullaby I haven't heard for a very long time. As the song continues to play I bury myself in mother's chest. "I- I somewhat remember. Y- you gave me this as a Hearth's Warming gift, didn’t you? Was… wasn’t this from my very first Hearth’s Warming? That’s what you told me back when I was five.”


After an hour of just laying there in the comforting embrace of mom and auntie I reluctantly strap my saddlebags on tightly and make my way to the courtyard, where the chariot is waiting for me.


Watching the ground as you walk requires skills, like being able to pay attention to what is coming up in your way, not spend it trying to sort the jumble of mess your thoughts have become, or you run the risk into running into some pony. Before I can apologize or even see who I bumped into the pony turns around, sneering at me.




"Humph, how dare you touch me, you filthy monster. I can not believe my aunt is allowing you to roam around the castle free and unsupervised. You can bet that I'll have the royal court override the decision and put you where you belong." Blueblood berates me once he notices who bumped into him. As he continues I can't help but cower, my ears pinning against my head as my belly brushes against the floor. "Hm, you don't deserve the title of 'princess' nor that crown, ‘cousin’."

Before he can walk off I notice Solar and her underlings rounding the corner, this time in full armor and in formation. Immediately she beelines towards the prince, anger hardening her features and voice once she spots me. "HOW DARE YOU TALK TO HER THAT WAY YOU LOW LIFE PIECE OF SCUM! CAN'T YOU SEE SHE'S SORRY AND REGRETS WHAT SHE DID?" She starts off, backing him against the wall in surprise as her nose scrunches hard against his as she yells.

"Watch your tone, lieutenant, and your manners unless you wish to throw your career away. Besides, she killed two of your fellow officers, you should hate her even more than I do. Why stand up for her?" He retorts after spending a couple of minutes to regain his composure. Her outburst, followed by his retort and her three subordinates surrounding me cause me to cower even more as she continues.

"You know as well as I do that she was being manipulated. If anyone is to blame it's the Nightmare forces, not her. Now IF you don't mind 'Prince', Princess Moonshade has an appointment and is running late." With an offered hoof she helps me up and gives a final annoyed glance back towards Blueblood and escorts me the rest of the way to the courtyard.

"Have fun, Moon. And please, take care of yourself." Mom says with a hug as I go to climb aboard the chariot. Must be mom’s, judging by the design, though the pegasi don’t really go with it.

Once I'm settled the pegasi attached to the chariot take off, speeding me towards my destination. Alone, I curl up on the floor and wait for the trip to end while fighting back the tears that are trying to escape. In a moment that seems both too long and at the same time to short, the lead guard announces our arrival in a few minutes. At his announcement I take a deep breath and work on composing myself, only partially succeeding.

"Moonshade, I'm glad that you were able to make it, I hope you had a good trip." Twilight greets warmly as I step off my ride, smiling happily as she leads me to her tree house. "I have so much planned for you these next three days, I can't wait." She must have been waiting out here for a while if I had to guess.


Stepping inside the building, dubbed Golden Oaks Library, I notice immediately that the place is dark. Out of reflex I begin to focus and a bunch of pings sing back, all of them clustered in the single room. A total of nine all together. "Oh, and Rarity will be waiting tomorrow to make your dress for this upcoming ceremony." She adds before I could question her about it.

"SUPRISE!" Multiple voices shout happily as we enter the threshold, the lights springing on to reveal a happily decorated room, a bowl of punch, games and snacks, to include cake and other sweets.


After the initial shock has passed I attempt to try and look happy, cracking a half smile as my head raised a little bit. Despite my attempt to appear happy I can't help but feel the emptiness inside me as it begins to grow and threatens to overwhelm.

"You… you didn't have to do this for me. I- I appreciate the thought though." The words barely stumble out as I look around, noting it is only Twilight, Spike, their friends along with Almond, Sunstreak and Lily. Despite the growing dread inside of me I fight the urge to run, not wanting to seem inconsiderate or rude.

"Oh don't be silly, you're a friend who's new here and in obvious need to be cheered up and there's no better way to cheer up a sady- wady friend than a ppaarrttyy!" Shouts the energetic Pinkie, a noise maker shoved into my mouth as a hat is placed on my head. With her signal the music begins and most of the ponies begin to dance or play games.


I do my best to socialize and join in the games, though it has an opposite effect than what the pink wonder had in mind. After some time I find myself reclusing into a corner as my socialization gets less and enthusiastic.

The party comes to a screeching halt as I stop socializing period and eighteen eyes turn yo face me, concern etched on their faces.


In that moment I can feel myself starting to panic as my breathing and heartbeat quicken while my vision blurs. "Moon? Are you ok?" A voice inquires. In my current state I can't tell who is asking my vision and the voice distorted.


I can feel my mouth moving but can't seem to form words, or if I am I can’t hear them. Something is immediately wrong, I don't know what exactly however. "Darling, please calm down." This voice sounds even more urgent and is the last thing I hear before darkness consumes me.

Chapter Three; Carousel Boutique

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W- what did I- did I… pass out? Where am I? The questions ring about in my head, unanswered as I wake up and find myself surrounded by nine very concerned ponies and a baby dragon. "Wha..... What happened?"

"You had a panic attack, Moon, it freaked us out." As I begin to refocus I notice it's Lily that answers first while standing off to my left. As I look around the room I guess I’m still in Twilight’s place judging by the circular, wooden room. The next thing I notice is that Pinkie looks very different, her mane has fallen straight with her eyes looking sad, even her color seems dulled a bit.

"I- I'm sorry about what happened, Moon. I- I didn't think my parties would ever hurt anypony." She says in a depressed tone as her eyes already begin to fill with tears while her hooves wrap around my neck tightly.

"I think we should let her rest now. Lets go girls." Twilight comments with some lingering concern before leading her friends out the room, leaving Lily, Almond and Sunstreak with me. For a few minutes none of us speak as they wrap me up in a hug.

"I- I'm sorry I ruined what looked to be a good time for you guys." I finally speak up while breaking off the group hug. "I- I don't know why I panicked, just that… I didn't feel right being there, watching everypony else being happy when I wasn't and have no right to be, in fact I feel worse." I confess with a bowed head.

"Hey, we know you're going through a rough time right now. If you ever get to feeling like that again, don’t be afraid to let us know, okay. Plus, we're glad to hear you started to get some help up in Canterlot." Almond offers gently as he backs up a little.

"Yeah, you aren’t alone anymore. You have us, Twilight and her friends, Celestia and Luna s well. Hay, I bet Cadence and Shining Armor will offer to help as well." Sunstreak adds as Lily steps forward.

"The three of us had this specially made for you. Hopefully it'll remind you that you aren't alone." As she speaks a long, thin box is brought out. Before I can ask any questions a thin chain is settled snugly around my throat while a mirror is brought in front of me and all I can do is stare.

"We were debating on what we were gonna do but in the end we eventually decided on this." Almond remarks as I examine the new necklace. On a thin silver chain are three shaped gems, each one a different color. The middle gem is pink and shaped like a lily. The gem on the right is chocolate colored and shaped as a cracked almond while the left gem is yellow and cut to look like three lines, the upper and lower lines angled some to look like they are extending from a distant point.

"It- it's beautiful. Thank you guys." With a cracked smile I sit forward and give them another hug.

"Hey Moon, feeling better?" Twilight asks as she pokes her head through the door.

"Yeah, come on in Twilight, and bring the others in as well please." At the invitation the door swings open and allows six more ponies inside. The first pony I speak to is Pinkie Pie, her mane and tail still lays straight as she approaches. Without warning I wrap the pink mare in a light a hug. "Pinkie, I didn't mean to ruin your party. I just… I must have panicked. When I get some things worked out I'd be honored to have you throw me another party." The hug ends as I fall back into my pillow, smiling softly as I look over at Rarity, who is standing on my right. "We still on for tomorrow, Rarity? I heard you make the best dresses around."

"You heard correct, darling. I'd be very honored to make you a dress, free of charge on top of that." She responds pridefully, puffing up at the praise which earns her a round of giggles from the others. "By the way dear, I made this for you. It's a gift from the six of us." As she speaks another necklace, wrapped in her magical aura, is gently placed around my neck and rests just below the my second chain. This necklace sports the cutie marks of the six girls surrounding me, the gems matching their coats as closely as possible.

"Thank you girls, I like it alot. And again thank you for allowing me to visit." A yawn escapes my muzzle as I notice the time. "Its getting late, thank you for being there for me, even if I really haven’t anything to earn it yet."

The next day I wake up slowly and after a short time I finally start to focus, the new surroundings cause me to jump and panic until I remember I'm at Princess Twilight's. Once I'm calmed down enough I work on making myself presentable with a shower. The steam and hot water sluicing through my fur as I just stand there, my head and horn resting against the wall sporting the showerhead. Why... why can't it be this easy to rid one's self of problems as it is to clean out dirt and other gunk.

"MOON, ARE YOU ALMOST READY YET? WE'RE ALMOST LATE FOR RARITY'S!" Twilight's shout is clearly full of nerves and anxiety as I step out of the bathroom, still drying off. "Come on, get your flank in gear. Do you know what will happen if we're even a SECOND late?" She’s standing there in the hallway, bouncing nervously on her hooves.

As I pass by her I fling the now soaked towel at her with a giggle using my tail. "Wow, somepony seems to be in a better mood." With an actual smile I turn to face the anxious mare, who smiles back. With myself semi ready I sit down at the table and begin to eat. "It is good to see you smiling finally, finish eating and we'll get going." Upon mention of the appointment with Rarity, and the fact it means I have to travel in public, my ears automatically pin back and my smile fades into a frown

"Sure... Uh... let's just… let’s get going." I mumble as I stand up, a cloak with a deep cowl forms around me, causing Twilight to sigh and shake her head before leading me to Rarity's. Despite the heat I keep the hood up, obviously earning some cautious stares from the ponies out on the streets, going about their happy lives with attitudes matching the bright, sunny day and the colorful buildings as birds fly in the nearly cloudless sky.


With each step I notice the growing sadness in my chest, wishing I was back in Canterlot, laying on my bed in my almost all black room. I… I shouldn’t be out here, witnessing all this… happiness. My thoughts are interrupted as I bump into Twilight’s flank, cursing myself for not paying attention. While scrunching my muzzle I notice we have stopped in front of circular, tiered building with a few oval windows painted in a mix of light pink and light blue.

"I'll be right there." Rarity sings out as Twilight knocks on the front door, the wait causing me to glance about nervously as my anxiety grows until it threatens to swallow me. "Twilight darling, you should know by now you do not need to knock, and I take it this mysterious pony is Moonshade? Please lose that… thing you are wearing, there is no need to hide yourself here."

With a sigh the cloak melds back into the shadows, making Rarity shiver as she steps aside, allowing us inside. "Darling, why do you feel the need to hide yourself? You are a very lovely young mare, all you need is the right outfit to accent your beauty." A look of some kind crosses her face and she begins looking me over before a tape measure is magically hauled over in her grasp and she begins to take my size.

"I just... don't feel comfortable being out in public yet. What… what if they don't want me here? What if they hate me?" I blurt out without thinking, staying as still as possible while Rarity works.

"You know you can't let that fear control you forever, don't you?" The first to respond is Twilight as she stands off to the side, watching me as Rarity begins to make some sketches on a large pad once she has finished measuring me. Without answering her I take some time to look around the circular room.

Various shades of pink seem to be the most dominate color used, though a couple shades of purple are also added to some of the spots. Various oval mirrors surround the room along with a couple stations for what I’m guessing are used for makeup. A couple ponyquins dot the floor, but what takes up the majority of the space of the room is a low set stage.

"Hmmm... IDEA!" Rarity's sudden shout startles me as she rushes off into another room and comes back awhile later, dragging a couple bolts of cloth and a ponyquin in her wake. I watch in stunned awe as she quickly works and the dress begins to take shape in almost no time before our eyes. With a deep breath she exclaims her idea about a quarter of the way finished. "We could hold another fashion show!"


‘Great, my traitorous daughter now becoming a mewling model, what else can I expect from you?’ Nightmare Moon’s remnant says with disgust, which I try to ignore, but with no real luck.

"WHAT! no Rarity, just… no, not at this point in time." I blurt out immediately before she can finish the dress, which was done in a surprisingly short amount of time.

"Go and try it on, darling." Rarity urges as I stare at the dress. I have no idea what I expected, but this was not it. With a surprised shout I’m drug behind a curtain, along with the dress and it is magically put on me before she pulls over a full size mirror.

Staring into the mirror I hardly recognize the mare I see wrapped in a bodice of black, shimmering silk with the collar being separated from the rest of the dress. Connecting the collar to the bodice are five silvery chains along the sides and chest. The only part stitched together is hidden by my mane. An artfully crumpled strap mixed with midnight blue and lavender silk graces my arms at the elbows. The skirt of the dress starts in a solid black, but as the material progresses back and down it starts to become more and more transparent. A motif of my cutie mark is placed in the solid black part of the skirt. The moon is done in a semi- transparent silver and the cloud is made from a mixture of transparent midnight blue and lavender that also sparkle. The belt, collar and hem of the entire dress is silver. The shoes I'm wearing are made of silver with my lower front legs wrapped in a pair of thin twisting silver bands.

"You look absolutely STUNNING darling. You should really consider joining the fashion show." Uncertainly I look back at Twilight, hoping to have a possible ally in her, only to have my hopes shredded as she smiles. Defeated I lower my head with ears pinned back, shivering a bit before Rarity pulls out a wheeled rack holding six more dresses and an empty hanger. After my dress is removed and hung back up the rack is pushed back in its hiding place.

"It does sound like a fun idea to do it again, Rarity. Especially if we can avoid the mistakes of our first one." Twilight adds with a giggle. "We do need to get going, Rarity. I know you're busy and can't afford too many distractions, take care." She adds. As we near the door shadows begin to gather around me again, only to be stopped by Rarity's magic as she flicks me on the horn.

"I simply can not allow you to leave here cloaked like... that." Rarity starts as I'm led back into the main room of the shop. "Heaven only knows what other ponies would think if they saw somepony exiting Carousel Boutique hidden by such a hideous thing. No, I must not allow you to wear that." As she winds down her short speech she adds embarrassingly with a look from Twilight. "And of course it is our job to help you deal with whatever is causing you distress, dear. If you wish to leave here clothed I will make you an outfit."

"I- I'd rather go unrecognized for now, Rarity, but thank you for the offer." I hurriedly counter and starts for the door again, this time stopped by Twilight as she surrounds me in a magical bubble.

"Sorry, but she has a point. You won't be getting better if you continue hiding yourself and not attempting to socialize with other ponies." Twilight adds, standing off to my side and I let out a sigh of defeat. "Trust us, Moonshade, things'll work out for you, just wait and see. Now, are you going to walk out there without the cloak or do you need Rarity to make you something that'll make you more comfortable?"

"No I- I don't want to waste Rarity's time anymore. Let’s just… let’s get going." I mutter as I open the door, waiting for Twilight to lead the way.

Chapter Four; Sweet Apple Acres part 1

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"Okay darling, but please cheer up and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it." Rarity calls out before closing the door, drawing attention to us from those out on the street, causing me to shrink in on myself as they stare. I feel the beginning of growing panic creep through me as I watch a few of them whisper to each other.

Upon noticing the state I'm in Twilight steps immediately in front of me, blocking my view of the others as they continue on their merry way as she forces her voice to sound calm as she speaks. "Please Moon, calm down and breathe, relax." The mixture of her tone and the command begins to work as I take a deep breath and shivers. My muscles loosening and I glance at Twilight.

"Th- thank you, Twilight. H- how bad was it?" I ask, my voice matching my trembling body as I finally speak. I'm barely able to look at her as we resume our trek through the small town and then past, following a winding road. "Wh- where are we going?"

"You'll see, after what happened I think a bit more relaxing scene is in order. How does this sound, you'll get to meet some of Ponyville's residents, but in small groups and someplace where you'll hopefully feel a little more relaxed." Twilight offers as we approach a wooden fence and archway. Beyond the gate is a bright red farmhouse and rows upon rows of seemingly endless apple trees. Among the trees is a large red stallion with a dull orange mane pulling a cart filled with apples.

"Yeehaw! howdy Twi, Moonshade. Welcome ta Sweet Apple Acres, ya'll hungry? It's 'bout time fer lunch." Applejack greets as she rushes up to the gate covered in sweat and dirt. "Bah the way, weren't ya supposed ta visit tomorrow, Twilight?"

"Thanks AJ, and I don't know about Moonshade but I am getting hungry. That was part of the plan but---" The lavender alicorn starts and looks over at me.

"Somethin' happened, didn't it Twi? Did she have another panic attack?" AJ asks as she falls into step opposite Twilight, taking one look at me then to her friend.

"I- I almost did, but Twilight helped me before it got too bad,” Deep sigh. “We... we were exiting Rarity's shop and… and a large crowd was staring at me and began whispering. I… I couldn't help it." As I repeat the basics of what happened I can't help it as tears start to crowd and spill from my eyes as I begin to have a break down right in the middle of the walkway. My uncontrollable sobbing alters my voice as I can't help but speak out loud the questions flooding my mind. "Why? Why am I so… affected by all… this? Why do I feel so… helpless? So… weak?"

As I lay down in the dirt both Applejack and Twilight join me, each of them working on comforting me the best they can. "Ya never made any friends or tried ta since ya recovered and were livin’ in Canterlot did ya, sugarcube?" AJ asks first. As Twilight gives me a tender nuzzle the orange coated mare hugs me tenderly and all I can manage between sobs is a weak shake of my head. "Ah figured as much. Tell me Moon, do ya still blame yerself fer what ya did last year?"

As she asks I look up at her with my tear filled eyes and nod slowly and sniffs again before clearing my throat. "Wh- what am I supposed to do, huh? I feel horrible for what I did and… no matter how hard I tried nopony besides a small number thought to give me a chance. I just… I don't know what else to do. Also, I might have been coerced by the Nightmare but ultimately I was the one that committed those horrendous crimes. Blueblood is right, I deserve to be at the least thrown in the dungeons for the rest of my life." The words burst out as I look at them, sadness now mixing with anger with each word. My head falls to rest in the dirt as the last sentence is whispered. The remnant laughs as she repeats the part where I belong in dungeon.

For a couple minutes the three of us just lay there, Twilight and Applejack giving me time to calm down while offering soft words of encouragement as they hug me gently. Eventually the two mares get up and help me up onto my shaky legs before we are right in front of the farmhouse.

On the porch an elderly green mare sits asleep in a creaky wooden rocker. Upon hearing us approach she wakes with a jump. "Huh who goes there? Oh howdy Applejack and ummm... Sparkle Light..... No that ain' right.....oooh fiddlesticks, an who is this young'un with ya'll?"

With a nudge forward from both Applejack and Twilight I resign myself and introduce myself hesitantly. My head hanging as I avoid as much eye contact as possible. "Moonshade, ma'am."

Before the elder mare can speak Applejack steps forward. "Granny this here's Moonshade, a new friend. Moonshade this here is Granny Smith."

"Nice to meet you, Granny Smith." I offer as I still pointedly avoid talking as much as I can.

"Now wha’s the matter young’un? Yer shier than a bear in winter." Granny asks while picking up on my discomfort. Before I can answer a loud rumble could be heard, causing me and Twilight to look at Applejack.

"Heh, seems mah belly is empty. C'mon ya'll, let's go an get somethin ta eat. Ah'll introduce ya ta mah siblin’s." Applejack takes us inside to the dining room where the big stallion from earlier is sitting already, eating a large meal. "Heya Big Mac, how’s the chores comin’ along?"

The dining room is sparsely occupied, only including a table, refrigerator and a cabinet with an oval rug laying atop the hardwood floor. The walls are painted in two tones of light green with plain wooden trim. A single window offers a good view of the row of trees not too far away from the house.

"Slow." Is Big Mac's answer while the orange cowpony goes and fixes up a couple large plates of food. While we're waiting Twilight gives me a nudge and nods towards the stallion.

"H- Hi, I'm… Moonshade." I offer after some prodding by the young princess. I don’t know if it’s my newly obtained low self confidence, or just nervousness at being around such a large stallion, but I’m more eager than before to get out of the house.

‘He is a nice specimen, you could have had him as a mate, if you stood with me.’ I have no idea where that… tone came from, but the remnant definitely sounds different as she observes Big Mac.

"Nice ta meet ya Miss Moonshade, Ah'm Big Macintosh." He announces between bites before going silent, causing me to look at Twilight.

"Don't worry, he's normally like that, nothing against you." Twilight explains just before Applejack comes back with the food. "You're not too busy are you Applejack?"

"Yea Ah am actually. We're fallin’ a bit behind. If ya don' mind Twi, Moon, it'd be greatly appreciated if ya could lend us some help." The apple farmer comments as she fills herself up. The amount of food she's scarfing down makes me stop and stare, wondering where she puts it all. "Ah mostly need help out in the west field with applebuckin."

As I continue to observe the farm mare eat I find it astounding that she is working on her second plate while I can barely finish my first plate of food. Once we’re done Applejack gathers dishes up and takes them into the kitchen as Twilight beckons for me to wait with her by the back door.

"So uhh… what exactly are we doing?" I ask as we make our way through the orchard with Applejack in the lead. I think Twilight was right about one thing, it is pretty peaceful and calming out here. I had no idea that this small town had a farm this expansive. "Hey Applejack, do you... Nevermind."

"What’s wrong, Moonshade?" Both mares ask at the same time, turning to face me in concern.

"N- nothing… nevermind… it… it's not important. Let’s just… let’s just get this applebucking over with." I thought it was a good idea, but what if she says no, or doesn’t want me around her trees? What if-

"No Moon, it is important. Please, don't be scared to ask us anything." The young alicorn says reassuringly, stepping in front of me as she speaks. Her gaze is soft as a hoof lifts my head up to stare at her.

"Well, I was… I was wondering if I could... instead of staying with Twilight for the next two days could I... camp out here instead? I- I like how calming this place feels." I ask after giving in as uncertainty colors my quiet voice as I ask, expecting the farmer to say no.

"Sure ya can, sugarcube. In fact it's been awhile since Ah had a good campout. Though it probably ain' the best idea if ya were alone, mind if Ah join ya?" Applejack agrees without a second thought, giving me a bright smile as we make it to the indicated field.

"Oh we can make it into a slumber party... YAY! That's if you don't mind me joining as well, Moonshade." Twilight squeals out in excitement until she recognizes her mistake and blushes a bit.

"Actually I was thinking of inviting Lily, Almond and Sunstreak if you don't mind Applejack, Twilight." I whisper, bracing for the slightest hint of anger from either of them, my body already shaking a bit. At this point I realized we have stopped moving and are in front of a row of trees dotted with large, red dots almost begging to be picked.

"That's fine with me, whatever ya think is best fer ya, as long as yer not alone. Ah won't be that far away if ya need any extra help." Her smile never falters as she plants herself in front of a tree as raises her rear legs to give the tree a good kick, leaving me to wonder exactly how much power and control she actually has to be able knock those apples off the tree without damaging the tree itself. My jaw just drops as a rain of apples fall around her into the perfectly placed buckets.

"Oh and Twilight, I… I think maybe meeting a few ponies between these next two days in a small group would be possible." I add as I watch the lavender mare use her magic to clear a couple trees of the ripe fruit.

"APPLEJACK, WHERE YA AT SIS!" A young voice calls out followed by the giggling of three other fillies, interrupting us before we can really get started.

"OVER HERE BLOOM!" The farmer responds, and in a flash she's tackled by a small bullet colored yellow and red. Following the blur is an orange coated pegasus filly with a purple mane and a white unicorn with a two tone mane and tail. The two apparent sisters roll around on the ground and giggle as they wrestle a bit.

"Hi Twilight and uhm… you must be new. I'm Sweetie Belle." squeaks the unicorn as the pair finally stop their wrestling match and get up, covered in dust and fallen leaves.

"I'm Scootaloo." Pipes up the pegasus, her wings flapping like a hummingbird as she hovers for a moment.

"And Ah'm Apple Bloom. We are," The final filly says before the trio begins to take a deep breath. Both Twilight and Applejack cover their ears as I look about in confusion. "THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!!" The three shout at once. Caught unaware by the shout I actually rock back a bit by the sheer force of their combined voice, my ears ringing as they finish.

"I'm… Moonshade, nice to meet you three." I respond, probably louder than I need to, but I can’t hear very well due to the ringing the shout caused. Though I do speak in a whisper as I fight against the growing panic.

"Are you ok, Moonshade?" The trio asks in concern as I partially freeze in place.

"Apple Bloom, why don't ya three go ta yer clubhouse. Ah'll join ya guys in a bit." Applejack intervenes, watching me out of the corner of her eye as the fillies rush off, giggling and playing before they can disappear.

An image of both Twilight and AJ flood my mind, and the only things they are saying is how much they hate me and wish I was dead. ‘I wouldn’t want my sister or friends around somepony I hate, either. Though I must admit, Applejack is doing an excellent job at hiding it.’ The remnant just laughs as I can feel some her tendrils caress my cheek, or is that sensation just my imagination?

"H- how… how am I supposed to show ponies I have changed when they hate me? Even you two hate me, don’t you?" The question starts out mentally. Little do I realize I also spoke it out loud, causing both Twilight and AJ to stare at me in confusion.

"Wh- what just happened, Moon? And what do you mean by everypony hating you? We don't hate you. We never did." The mares take a couple steps closer to me with concern in their eyes. Without giving an answer I start to take off in my gaseous form, only to be stopped by Twilight's magic which ends up pulling me back to her and the farmer, concern etched on their faces. "Please, tell us what happened."

Seeing as how any chance to escape is futile I begin my explanation with a sigh, fear at their reaction clouding my voice as Nightmare Moon's voice continues to ring in my mind. "I- I don’t know if you already knew this or not, but apparently I have a... remnant of the Nightmare still inside me. I- it told me that you guys secretly hate me,” *Sniff* “I- it's true, isn't it? Y- you girls hate me for what I was, what I did, what I- I tried to do."

My words are spoken in a whisper as I let my head, tears rolling down my cheeks unbidden and splashing onto the grass below. My tail wraps itself around, as if offering a comforting hug or pretending to be a barrier of some kind as my ears droop almost lifelessly. The orange apple farmer approaches me, her expression trained to keep her feelings unknown as she steps directly into my view.

Chapter Five; Sweet Apple Acres part 2

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"Sugarcube, Ah'm the Element o' Honesty, an’ Ah’m tellin’ ya that those words are a lie. There are plenty o' ponies that love ya. Fer example, yer mother, Princess Luna an’ yer aunt, Princess Celestia. Then there is Lily, Sunstreak, Almond and o' course us. None o' us wanna see somethin’ bad happen ta ya." The sweaty farmer says to me while getting down onto all fours so she is at my level while staring into my eyes. Meanwhile, Twilight has disappeared for some reason. "Don' listen ta those thick skulled idiots who don' wanna get ta know ya. Yer a bright, beautiful mare with a good personality. Ya were jus’ confused an’ lied ta.”

As I listento her words I only somewhat believe them, especially the part about me being beautiful and bright. But yet, she’s the Element of Honesty, would she really lie to me? And if so, why?

‘You know the reasons why. They fear you and what you are capable of, so they need to come up with a way to control you.’

Shut up, please. I… I don’t want to hear it anymore.

glancing up at the farmer I notice four ponies approaching the farm as the sun is getting ready to go down for the night, bathing everything in an orangish glow. Seeing what I'm looking at Applejack smiles brightly as she instantly recognizes the quartet. "C'mon, Ah know jus’ the spot fer ya ta camp out at." She states as we're joined up by Twilight, Lily, Sunstreak and Almond.

"Hey Moon I'm glad you invited us to be your camping buddies. You've spent all day with Princess Twilight and her friends we were worried you forgot about us." Lily tries to make a joke as she hugs me tight followed by the other two.

As we follow AJ to wherever she has in mind, the other four stay next to me without crowding me. While they are deep in conversation I mentally withdraw, only giving slight verbal cues to pretend I’m paying attention, the events of earlier today still playing in my mind.

So unfocused am I that I don’t even realize the others have stopped until I find my muzzle buried in the apple farmer’s flank, which earns me a round concerned looks. "We heard about what happened today, we're glad nothing bad happened.Are you sure you’ll be alright?" Almond asks while Twilight begins to unload the single, large tent which is soon erected and the sleeping bags are unrolled inside. At the same time Applejack begins to dig out a shallow hole and then surrounds it with large rocks.

As the others get to work on preparing everything, I look around the spot that was picked out for us. We’re on a bare hill that overlooks a large swath of the orchard, the green and red mixed trees extend for what seems like miles, and there is not a hint of Ponyville or even Canterlot in site. The sky looks like it is on fire, with the mixtures of red, orange and yellow coloring it, broken up by black clouds. While I stand there, watching in aw at the beauty of it, my ears finally register the various sounds of the local wildlife. If I could, I’d rather live here. It’s so… isolated and peaceful. I wonder if AJ would mind if I… no, I can’t do that to her. Besides, she won’t go along with it, she just wants to impress Twilight.

Once everything is setup I am finally broken out of my stupor by a very light shaking. Twilight and Lily look at me, but don’t say anything, despite their expressions obviously saying they have questions. Cut up wood and twigs are placed inside the hole and soon a comforting fire is started, mimicking the sky from earlier. A round of hugs and good nights are exchanged before Twilight and Applejack take off, leaving us alone for the night.

"Ever had s'mores before Moonshade?" Sun asks as he begins to shape the tips of four twigs. Almond grabs a few large bags of marshmallows, numerous chocolate bars and graham cracker boxes from his pack. Lily works on setting up four logs that I didn’t realize were there into a broken circle around the firepit. Maybe Twilight summoned them or something.

"No, what are they?" I manage to keep my voice at least neutral as I ask while watching them as they spear the fluffy white cylinders with the sticks, then hover the marshmallows over the embers of the once crackling fire.

"They are very sweet sandwich like treat, though kinda messy. Here, have one of mine." Lily responds as she places her now warm and slightly golden marshmallow atop a piece of the chocolate, the graham crackers pieces form the top and bottom of the sandwich. The little square dribbles a small glob of melted marshmallow out of the sides as it is offered to me.

Glancing at her, then the offered treat I hesitantly take the s’more and pop it into my mouth. Chocolate and sugar explode on my tastebuds and a moan of pleasure issues from my throat as I chew the mess slowly, though something sticks to my teeth, tongue and even the roof of my mouth.

As I finish my eyes light up and for the second time today I can feel a true smile beginning to decorate my muzzle. "You're right, that is good." Now encouraged I grab another piece of fluff and the unused stick, placing the soon to be treat over the embers. However the once white snack turns black quickly. In surprise I yank it out, only to find it on fire. "What did I do wrong? Why isn't mine burnt, unlike yours?"

"You just left it over the embers too long and held it to close to the hottest area, plus you forgot to slowly turn it. Here, try again." Lily tries to keep from laughing as the ruined marshmallow is replaced by a fresh one. This time it's held just barely above the glowing coals. "That's just the right spot to cook it. Also keep turning it slowly, you want the brown to coat evenly."

As we continue to make more of the snacks, the trio begins to swap stories and telling jokes, the serenity of the chosen site along with stories and laughter begin to take effect as I feel the dark hole inside me shrink a little. "We never mentioned it before, but the three of us are old friends. We went to the same school together. Hey you guys remember the prank Chuckles played on the teacher?" Lily mentions after some time, probably due to my silence and withdrawal from the conversation. My ears perk a bit at the possible story.

"Oh jeez, who could ever forget that. He had Mr. Frost running around like crazy for the whole day." Sun can barely stay in his seat as he answers between bursts of laughter, holding his sides.

"Chuckles wasn't his real name, it's a nickname we gave to him and he lived up to it. Well, one day our teacher left his coffee mug and the cream alone while he left the room to do something. I don't know what Chuckles did exactly, but after he finished his coffee Mr. Frost was running around faster than a hyperactive foal on a sugar rush, even his words were rushed and he couldn't sit still. Earned Chuckles a month's worth of detention, but it was worth it." Almond explains as the others continue to giggle.

"So Moon, did you go to school?" Lily asks as she tries to control her chuckling. A small smile lifts my lips a bit as I search my memories for the one day I spent in school.

"I did, but only for a day. I remember that whole day. That’s when I learned I could control shadows. Momma and Tia were surprised and a bit fearful about that." I start while staring into the coals, the tiny flames able to create the images of that day as I recall it from the depths of my memory. "I was so excited to start I could barely sleep. Both momma and Celestia taught me so much already at that point. But the one thing I couldn't wait for the most was to make friends and meet new ponies. I begged and begged mom to let me go until she finally caved. I guess… I guess her and auntie were worried that if it became known who I was it might have put me in danger."


As I begin to tell them about that day, a tear falls from my eyes as I weep for my lost fillyhood, wishing I could go back and change the events of the past.
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

"Well class, it's the first day of the new school year and we have a few new students who are just joining us. Would you please come to the front and introduce yourselves." The older stallion says encouragingly as the room begins to settle down and all conversation comes to an end. His coat is a dull blue and his mane is light grey with streaks of dull violet. The classroom is not too big, seating around thirty students ranging from my age to a few years older.

At the invitation I bound forward along with two other foals. The first one introduces herself as Bubbles Jet, a light blue unicorn with a mane and tail of white. The other foal is Kindle, a red and orange mix colt with a mane and tail looking like fire. As he finishes its my turn, I can barely contain myself.

"Hi, I'm Moonshade and you wouldn't believe who my momma and aunt are. Anyway, I live in the castle and it’s pretty fun finding all the secret passages hidden about, though it does get a little boring since I'm the only foal that lives there. I'm really excited to meet everypony and try to make some friends." As I finish I notice that a few ponies in the back are whispering to each other but I ignore them and continue to smile eagerly. It took me a few moments, but realizing what I have said I bring my hooves to my mouth, looking a bit fearful.

"Well Moonshade, it's a big pleasure to have you join us. Now please take your seat and we'll begin." As I sit down I eagerly begin taking notes, hanging on to every word the teacher says. In a quiet voice the filly next to me extends her hoof with a wide smile and closed eyes once she catches my attention.

"I'm Sweet Hearts, nice to meet you, Moonshade." The very light pink unicorn filly with a red and white striped mane says as we shake. That is all she has said as the teacher goes on about what the courses for the upcoming year are going to be about.

"So, you live all alone in that big castle?" She asks as we break for recess, which eventually comes around after a few hours of waiting and listening to the teacher. As we make our way to the playground.

"Not really alone. There's momma and auntie, the guards and the servants. But as I said I'm the only foal." I explain again as Sweet Hearts hops on the merry-go-round, which I follow. With a smile she leans half in and half out of the disc and with a grunt of effort she begins to push against one of the bars, starting to slowly spin the metal disc.

As we start picking up speed, she jumps into one of the spaces, our hooves holding tight to the rails as we start to slide towards the open end while she tries to use her magic to make us go even faster.

"Y- YOU'RE RELATED TO... OOMPH." Sweet begins as I guess she has made the connection between the words mom and auntie and the occupants of the castle. Her surprised shout l is cut off when she loses her grip and falls onto the ground. Before she can resume I jump on her and put my hoof over her mouth.

"Shh please. No pony is supposed to find out who I'm related to, at least, not yet according to momma. Please, don't tell anypony." As she nods I remove my hoof slowly and she promises to keep my secret. As we get up it's time to resume class apparently as the teacher stands just outside the doorway.

"Hey! you're gonna make me late now!" I shout as I feel a tug on my tail, watching with a smile as Sweet sticks her tongue out at me as she races for the door.

"Last one inside is a rotten egg, Moon." She calls out with a giggle, causing me to giggle as well while I rush to try and beat her to no avail.

Eventually the day comes to an end and with a hoof shake we get ready to depart. "It was so nice meeting you, Sweet. Maybe soon I can talk about letting you visit the castle."

"I'd love that, maybe even have a sleepover. Take care, Moony."

"Take care, Sweets."

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

"That.. that was the only day I spent in school, then the nightmare happened and---" Cutting myself off, I glance down to the ground, my voice and posture getting a bit more depressed than when I started.

"Shh, it's ok, Moon. We didn't mean for you to drag up something so upsetting." Lily calmly speaks as she finishes making my forgotten s'more and hands it to me. "You have new friends now, Moon. Ones who hate seeing you so sad and down all the time. I know you haven't made friends since you were your… old self, but have you ever had a pet growing up?"

"No, what's so special about having a pet?" I look up at her curiously, my head tilting towards her as it hangs to my chest.

"Think of them like miniature friends who happen to be animals. They can be there to cheer you up even if nopony else can spare the time." Almond says cheerfully as the s'more supplies begin to quickly disappear.

"I'll… I’ll Give it a try,” Yawn “I think it's about time we go to sleep, guys." I add as I notice the others are also yawning and rubbing their eyes. Once everypony is ready for bed the embers are extinguished and the only light is mother's moon and the stars as we pile inside. Unexpectedly, Lily drags her sleeping bag right next to me and zips hers to join with mine. "Wh- what are you doing?"

"Relax, Moon. It might help if somepony were to hold onto you while sleeping. I used to do it with my younger sister when we were fillies whenever she was sad or scared. I don't know how much you know but having one of the guys do it could cause trouble even if they don't fancy you. Do you understand what I mean?"

"No, you'll have to explain tomorrow when I can think better." The trio laugh at my answer as we settle down for the night. I find it a bit weird, yet not uncomfortable, to have a mare who isn't my mother holding onto me as we sleep. For the first time in a very long time I actually sleep peacefully throughout the night and without any dreams that I can remember.

"Well isn't that a cute sight to behold, got your camera?" Lazily I swat at the general location of the intruding voice with a groan, unwilling to open my eyes as I just want to continue to sleep peacefully. After a couple more minutes and frowning at the loud shuffling, Lily and I are jolted awake by a blinding flash and the sounds of something clicking. The resultant jump and tumble get us tangled up in the sleeping bag and blankets.

"WHAT THE HAY WAS THAT FOR YOU GUYS?" Lily's shout sends the pair stumbling backwards, a mix of fear and held back laughter is evident on their faces. "AND WHAT ARE YOU TWO TRYING SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH AT?"

"Hey Lily, have you seen your mane and tail just after you wake up?" I ask as I start to untangle myself with a giggle.

"Ugh! Just… what did you guys take a picture of exactly?" She retorts while standing up, a brush in her hoof as she begins to work on her mane. "Any particular plans for today, Moon?"

"Well, if you wanna see, here, take a look." Almond offers the picture to Lily, the duo chuckling as she stares at it with an open mouth. Curiously I take a look as well, blushing a bit at the sight. In the picture it shows both me and Lily with her holding me super tight against her, my back against her chest. All four of her legs are wrapped around my chest and waist with my own limbs entwined with hers. Finally I notice that my ear is somewhat in her mouth, but isn't being bitten hard.

"That is a cute image, don't you agree Sunstreak?"

"Yea it is, I wonder what those were dreaming of. I'm guessing for Lily it's that she was munching on an oversized carrot. No idea though on what Moon was dreaming of, musta been a good one, however with how big she's smiling."

"Ugh, no matter WHAT you two gutterbrains are thinking right now it was an accident, nothing more and nothing less. Now can we see about eating then getting cleaned up, please?" Lily mumbles out with a sigh and annoyed flick of her tail.

"Hey, no need to get defensive Lily. You should know how we feel about that." Almond teases as he gives her noogie, messing her mane up again, leaving me completely clueless as to what is going on, casually making our way to small pond they must have been told about on the property.

"Hey Lily, why are those two being so mean to you all of a sudden? Aren’t they your friends?" I ask as we separate from the guys and walk into the water.

"Well, I've never really been on a date before and I never really shown any interest in any pony romantically. Those two have tried hooking me up a few times with their friends in the past, but they never worked out." Her answer is uncharacteristically sad as she slouches a little while standing there.

"Have you tried one of them? You three seem like good enough friends."

"No, they're not interested in me romantically, they see me only as a younger sister." My confused look causes Lily to giggle and continue.

"You really are clueless aren't you? We'll need to do some studying on the topic of romance and love sometime in the future."

"Uhm ok I gue-- Oh. hey, Twilight." I interrupt myself as I notice the purple alicorn who spoke up during her approach.

At my greeting both myself and Lily stop before we could begin to get into a wrestling match, though our bodies are somewhat entangled already as I try to dunk the other mare.