A tale of espionage, undercover investigation, and romance
Retiring as Colonel of the Equestrian Air Force, you figured the rest of your days would be spent sipping a mai-tai by the beach... Not wet work. But after Queen Chrysalis' attack on Canterlot, traitors are a plenty and the Princesses need someone they can trust... Someone like you.
So welcome to the world of espionage and counter-intelligence.
One of my commissioned works in the development. Hope you enjoy it.
Laughing into the microphone, you look out at the crowd of bar patrons and run a hoof down the keys to the piano. “Well guys and gals, it’s getting to be that time again... At least, I think it’s that time again. I’m seeing four hands on the clock instead of the usual two... But regardless, I gotta get home.”
From out in the crowd of ponies, you hear a series of groans and pleads that just pull and tug at your heartstrings.
“Nooo! Come on!”
“Please don’t go, please!”
“One more song, Colonel! Just one more!”
You can’t help but chuckle under your breath from all the attention and place your hooves on the piano again.
“Well, maybe just one more,” you say with a bit of a blush. Taking a deep breath, you run your hooves along the piano and look to the crowd. “How’s the song go again? Hmm... Oh yeah!”
Playing a tune that you know everypony in the bar has heard you play at least once, you take a deep breath and sing into the microphone.
“When whip-poor-wills call... and evening is nigh, I hurry to my... Blue heaven. A turn to the right.... A little white light... Will lead you to my... Blue heaven.” By now, the crowd of ponies are all looking on and smiling as your hooves dance along the keys.
I’m gonna miss this... you think with bitter smile as you turn back to the microphone.
“You'll see a smiling face, a fireplace, a cozy room. A little nest that's nestled... Where the roses bloom. Just her and me... And baby makes three. We're happy in my... Blue heaven.”
As the song slows down, you let your eyes drift across the crowd, giving your friends one last show.
“We’re so happy in my.. Oh we’re so happy in my... blu-”
Your breath catches in your throat as you recognize a shape outside of the bar window that makes you let out a long, heavy sigh as you let the song trail off. Shaking your head, you get to your hooves and reach for your glass. “Sorry boys and girls, but now I really have to go.” Glancing at your half-full beer glass and then to the window again, you shrug and hold it up for all the royal guard and airforce in the crowd, both in and out of uniform. “But before I go, I wanna make a toast,” you cry out. In unison, the crowd of ponies reach for their glass and hold it high in the air, waiting for you to deliver.
“Here's to the army and airforce...” you say solemnly “And the battles they have won. Here's to Equestria’s colors... The colors that never run.”
You throw your head back as the crowd cheers and down your beer before letting out a long, satisfied burp and giving them all a final, drunken smile. “Well, I gotta go now folks! My mom’s been wanting to talk to me all day and if I keep avoiding her, she’s going give me forty lashes!” you say with a chuckle.
As you make your way out of the bar, members of the Equestrian Air Force rush forward, giving you pats on the back or a quick hug and their final goodbyes.
“We’ll miss you Colonel!”
“You enjoy yourself, okay?”
“Have fun with your retirement!”
Finally making your way past them and to the door, you hang on the doorway and tip your hat at them.
“Oh, you know I will! Nothing but sandy beaches and mojitos for this stallion!” you say with a toothy grin. “Look me up in Summerset Keys!”
You can hear the crowd give a final cheer as you close the door behind you and take a deep breath and start half-trotting, half stumbling down the empty street before stopping dead in your tracks.
“Hello Colonel,” a voice above you says, filled with nobility and s sense of power. “And how was your retirement party?”
Looking up, you let out a haggard sigh. “Hi mom, it was great” you deadpan as you fly up lazily to the cloud she was perched on. “Thanks for checking in on me. Sorry I wasn’t back by curfew.”
“Please don’t call me that,” Princess Celestia says as she sits down beside you. “I’m just-”
“You’re just doing what, ma’am? Constantly watching me? Second guessing everything I do? Asking where I’ve been, interrogating me? With all due respect, ma’am... If you’re going to start treating me like a kid, then I’m just going to have to call you ‘mom’ from now on.”
Princess Celestia’s jaw drops slightly as you start to dig into her before giving you a stern look. “Do not talk to me in that tone of voice.”
You can’t help but laugh aloud as you get to your hooves, looking up at the night sky. “Now you’re really sounding like my mother...”
Princess Celestia goes strangely quiet as she shifts restlessly on the cloud.
“With all due respect, ma’am...” you say with a hint of anger in your voice. “You really need to come clean with me. You’ve been at this for, what? A week now? What’s with all the subterfuge? I thought I gained your trust after all these years of service...” you pause for a moment before shooting her a glare. “And your friendship.”
“You did, old friend,” she says, almost sounding hurt. “I just... It’s a sensitive matter. It was important we made sure-”
“Permission to speak freely, ma’am?” you half-ask, half-demand.
Princess Celestia looks to you uneasily. “I... Well... Granted.”
“What is so damned important that made you doubt my service, my loyalty to you?” you ask angrily.
Princess Celestia looks to you for the longest time with those pale magenta eyes before letting out a heavy sigh. “I needed to make sure you are who you say you are,” she finally says. “After Queen Chrysalis’ attack on Canterlot, my sister and I agreed that we needed to increase security and make sure that we didn’t have a... traitor among us.”
“Are you serious?” you ask, half stunned. “You thought I... Why would you think that? What made you-”
“Colonel Trapper,” Princess Celestia said plainly. “You were close to him, correct?”
You can’t help but smile at that name. “Yeah, Trapper and I are good friends. We play poker ever frida-” A sudden realization dawns on you, making your mouth go unbearably dry. “No. You don’t... He’s not...”
“Yes... He is,” she says grimly. “We caught him; or the changeling pretending to be him, to be more precise, in my sister’s chambers, snooping through her belongings a couple of days ago. When confronted, the changeling revealed its true form and escaped through an open window.”
"What about the real Trapper?" You insist urgently, wings tensing. "The changelings got him as a POW, haven’t they? We gotta find him, we gotta-"
In one smooth motion the Princess cuts you off, reaching and wrapping her front hooves around you in a close hug. "...I'm sorry. We... We found him. I'm so, so sorry..."
Ice grips at your heart, spreading cold numbness throughout your body, making you sway in Princess Celestia’s grip. "He's..."
You pause and close your eyes as the grim knowledge settles in. "...How did he die?"
Celestia hesitates for a moment before pushing you back a little, looking down at you with those big, magenta eyes. "He... There were, well..." She sighs, pausing before looking you square in the eye. "...No more lies. We found him in his home, stuffed in the closet. His neck was snapped, but it wasn’t enough to kill him outright. He knew what hit him. The coroner said it would have taken hours before he died..." She trails off, shaking her head a little. “The changeling who killed Colonel Trapper... We know where he is,” Princess Celestia says as she gets to her hooves. “And I need someone I can trust to find him... And deal with him.”
“This wasn’t the first thing that came to mind when I thought about my retirement,” you say glumly. “Wet work, and all... I mean, why not use someone else? Someone trained in this kind field?”
Princess Celestia shakes her head somberly. “I assure you, if we had someone else, I wouldn’t be asking you to do this. All of our other operatives are either out in the field. under scrutiny, or out of commission."
“What about contracting mercenaries?” you ask hopefully “Or-”
“We can’t trust anyone at this moment,” Princess Celestia says grimly. “Not after an attack like this... Though we had an external contractor who specialized in this sort of work, but he’s been missing for almost a year now.” Princess Celestia says as she looks towards the castle. “I’m not going to order you to do this. You’re technically a civilian right now but-”
“I don’t need any more encouragement, ma’am... I know my place,” you say with a heavy sigh as you walk to her side. “And you know as well as I do that I couldn’t walk away from this, even if I wanted to... I’ll meet you in the debriefing room at 0100 hours,” you say as you take off for Canterlot Castle. “Besides, I really couldn’t turn this down. I owe Trapper thirty bits. I’m sure a little wet work will cover it,” you say with a weak laugh.
You fly off as fast as your wings will carry you to the castle. “I’ll make this right Trapper,” you say as you blink back tears. “I promise.”
--------------------------------------------
The blue mare in the lab coat scribbles on the chalkboard as she quickly explains more about changelings. “Weaker changelings can’t keep their form under high stress, but all changelings will revert back to their true form when exposed to alteration magic of any kind, like a simple spell to change eye color or to regrow hair.”
Leaning back in your chair, you look up to the ceiling as you rub the sleep from your eyes.
“Now, Changeling physiology dictates that-”
Groaning out in frustration, you bring your hooves down on the table, startling the mare in the lab coat. “Is this all really necessary? Why are we going over all of this again?”
“Now colonel, you said yourself you don’t know that much about changelings,” Princess Luna says as she flips through an open file. “All of this will help you in your mission, so let Doctor Dala continue.”
“But you haven’t even told me where in Equestria I’m going yet,” you point out with a heavy sigh. “All of this scientific banter and drivel is just putting me to sleep. Can’t we just-”
“Ponyville,” Princess Celestia says abruptly. “You’re going to Ponyville, where my pupil, Twilight Sparkle is staying... And the rest of the Elements of Harmony.”
You blink in surprise as the gravity of the situation hits you. “Did anyone else feel the weight of the world fall on their shoulders?” you ask as you slump back in your chair. “This mission has gotten a little more serious now, so I can see why you’re prepping me so much.”
Princess Luna nods quickly as she slides the file over to you. “Yes. We want you to have every advantage and piece of information available to you so you can track this changeling down and deliver swift judgement.”
“That’s another thing...” you say as you open up the file Princess Luna gave you. “You’re really giving me the green light to end this changeling’s life? You don’t want me to take him alive for questioning?”
“This changeling in question is dangerous and has proved he’s willing to kill. Taking him alive would prove to be a challenge, but also great asset in our war against the changelings,” the white unicorn in the royal guard uniform says with trepidation. “But if push comes to shove and you have to protect yourself, then lethal force is advised... I still can’t believe it,” he says as he brings he runs his hooves through our manes. “I mean us. At war with the changelings.”
“I don’t like it anymore than you do, Shining Armor,” Princess Luna says with a heavy sigh. “But this war isn’t like the one we had with the gryphons or the dragons... This war isn’t fought with steel and sword, but with subterfuge and shadow. And our enemy has the advantage...”
The room goes quiet for a moment before you cap your hooves together, startling them all. “There is a distinct lack of optimism in this room,” you say say plainly. “Remember, we held our own against the dragons, and the gryphons, and we’ll sure as shit handle these changelings. Now, I have a plan,” you say as you get to your hooves and move Doctor Dala away from the chalkboard. “It’s really complicated and it will require a lot of careful planning... I’m going to go to Ponyville and I’m going to catch this changeling.”
For a moment, everyone is dead silent before Shining Armor speaks up. “...That’s it?”
“Elegant in it’s simplicity, isn’t it?” you say with a chuckle.
“Colonel, forgive my bluntness,” Princess Luna says as she rubs at her brow in frustration. “But you’re just going to find a creature that can mimic others in a town full of ponies?”
"They killed Trapper." You say explain rather plainly, creating an awkward silence in the room. "You want this changeling found? Let me at 'em. I've always played it by ear and it's always worked for me. The only difference now is that I have a little more incentive to hunt down this bastard."
Princess Celestia grins a bit before regaining her steely composure. “Alright then... I think we’ve spent enough time briefing the colonel about his target and what to expect... We should move onto his cover story, don’t you agree?”
Princess Luna nods and points at the file. “Since you’re going to be taking in the role of a new pony, you need the proper paperwork. I’ve taken the liberty of procuring you an identification card, flier’s license, passport, and three ponies that will identify themselves as members of your immediate family if asked,” she says with a self-satisfied smile. “Your name is Flare Chaser. You specialized in search and rescue operations while serving with the New Colt City Fire Department before retiring. However, you served as an instructor for the New Colt City School of Hazardous Flight for over three years before moving to Ponyville.”
You blink a few times in complete shock. “Wow.,, You really didn’t pull any punches when coming up with a new life.. How did you manage to get this together so fast?”
“I can answer that one,” Shining Armor says as he pulls out a stack of files like the one Princess Luna had passed to you. “You see, we have a number of cover stories prepared ahead of time for our agents should the need arive. It doesn’t take long to fill in the blanks.”
“Well color me impressed... So, where am I staying in Ponyville? Got a house all picked out for me?” you ask as you look over your picture in your new identification card.
Where the hell did they get a picture of me with this goofy smile? you think as you hide the identification card under one of the other
“The Ponyville Post Office,” Princess Luna says plainly.
“Wait, seriously?” you ask in surprise. “I’m staying in the post office?”
“Yes. You see, a pegasus by the name of ‘Boxxy Brown’ recently quit as manager of the Ponyville Post Office, claiming that he couldn’t deal with the ‘undisciplined, lazy, and incompetent’ employees, as he put it. We have secured you the job as manager of the Ponyville Post Office, so this presents us with an interesting opportunity.”
At this point, Doctor Dala perks up and coughs into her hoof. “That’s where I come in,” she says as she reaches into her coat and produces an odd looking, bulky flashlight with a midnight blue lens on it. “You see, The natural magic that allows the changelings to assume a different form can essentially ‘rub off’ onto certain surfaces. The ones we have confirmed that you can detect with this alternate light source are as follows; carpet, wood, paper, and concrete.”
Taking the flashlight from Doctor Dala, you flick it on and off a few times before nodding. “Okay, I think I see what you were talking about, Princess... If the changeling in the city tries to send anything in or out, they gotta go through the post office. Either that or a dead drop..”
“I thought you said you didn’t know much about wet work...” Princess Celestia muses aloud as you move back to your seat.
You find yourself snickering as you lean back in your chair. “No, but I’m a big fan of spy movies. I’ve seen every 007 movie ever made at least twice.”
“This is not some game nor is it some B spy movie,” Princess Luna says, sounded insulted. “And anything you learned from those movies will get you killed if you think it will help you in your mission. You are officially an undercover agent. There are some rules you need to live by if you are going to do this right and stay alive, now pay attention... These are what are known as ‘The 10 Stalliongrad Rules’... First and foremost, assume nothing. Misinformation can be your greatest enemy. Second-”
“Never go against your gut,” you interject, making Princess Luna’s jaw drop slightly.
“Y...Yes,” she says in dismay. “W-Well, as I was saying, the third rule is thus; e-”
“Everyone is potentially under opposition control. You are never completely alone. Go with the flow, blend in. Vary your pattern and stay within your cover. Lull them into a sense of complacency. Don't harass the opposition. Pick the time and place for action. And last but not least, keep your options open. Did I get them all?”
Princess Luna looks to you in wide eyed horror. “How do you know the Stalliongrad rules? By heart, even?!? I designed these core tenants to help train the best known agents and they are supposed to be classified, known only by deep cover operatives, sleeper cells, and why are you laughing, ‘Tia?!?”
Princess Celestia desperately tries to stop laughing, but burying her face in her hooves does nothing but send her into a fit of giggles. “I-I-I’m sorry...” she breathes out. “I-It’s just... Luna, I’ve been telling you, things have changed.” she says as she wipes away a tear. “The Stalliongrad Rules ceased to be classified information after the Shadow War with the N.M.R. and Equestria entered The Golden Age... I’m sorry dear sister, I was about to tell you...”
Princess Luna lets out a heavy sigh and folds her hooves into her chest as she falls back into her chair. “Great... Next you’ll be telling me that the decoder ring technology I designed are nothing more than a child’s plaything.”
The entire room goes silent, save for an awkward cough from Shining Armor as he keeps looking to the floor.
“Oh come on!” Princess Luna says as she throws her hooves up in disgust. “If you need me, I’ll be in my room, making sure any other top secret espionage tools haven’t become known to the world...”
With that, Princess Luna storms off, fuming and cursing under her breath.
“Uhh... Is she going to be okay?” you ask the rest of the ponies at the table.
Princess Celestia gives you a reassuring smile. “Oh, she’s just still trying to catch up... A lot changes over the span of a thousand years and she’s still having trouble adjusting... At least she isn’t speaking in the royal voice or in third person anymore...” she adds, under her breath.
Clapping your hooves together, you look to everyone with a smile. “Well... I think I’m ready. Lemme just pack up the essentials and I’ll be ready to ship out in the morning. I’ll catch a train and be there before lunch.”
Shining Armor gives you a nod before getting up and making his way for the door. “Well alright then... If everything is taken care of, then I should go, Cadence is waiting for me.”
“Very well then,” Princess Celestia says as she follows Shining Armor out the door. “I wish I could see you off, but it might arouse suspicion if you’re seen with me. But I give you my blessing and wish you safe travels, old friend.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” you say as you gather up the file that contained your new life. “I’ll just-”
“Uh, could I have a word with you?” Doctor Dala says as she stops you in your tracks. “Take this as well.”
Slowly, she reaches into her coat and gingerly pulls out a glass tube with a viscous fluid in it. “And what pray tell is this?” you ask as you hold it up to the light.
Doctor Dala gasps aloud as you go to shake it and reaches out to stop you. “Don’t don’t don’t don’t!” she cries out. “You might trigger the spell or cause an unstable reaction!”
You immediately stop and look to her nervous. “Unstable. I may have dozed off during chemistry class, but unstable is a word that stuck... What did you just give me?”
“It’s something I and the rest of the Research and Development team have been working on,” Doctor Dala says as she fiddles with her glasses. “It’s called a spell tube. The liquid inside stores magical energy that is used by those runes you can see on the inside caps. With just a little shake, it casts the spell, in this case an alteration spell.”
You blink in surprise as you look at the little tube in a new light. “Alright... So, what does it do?”
“Shake it from left to right if you want to change the color of your coat and shake it from right to left to change back,” she says as she mimics the motions she describes. “If you want to make your voice sound different, shake it up and then down and down and then up if you want to change it back.”
“Well that’s just handy, that’s what that is...” you say as you tuck it inside your coat gingerly. “I’m sure I’ll need it for what I’m doing. Thank you Doctor Dala.”
As you turn again to leave for the second time, Doctor Dala reaches out and stops you. “P...Promise me...” she says weakly.
“Wha-”
“Promise me,” she says louder this time. “Promise me you’ll catch the son of a bitch that killed Colonel Trapper...”
You look to Doctor Dala in shock as her eyes start to tear up. “Y...You knew Trapper?”
Doctor Dala nods quickly. “Yes... W...We were well... We were supposed to get married.”
“I’m so sorry,” you say as you giver her a comforting hug. On the inside, you were doing your best not to laugh.
Oh Trapper... You old dog, you... No reason you wouldn’t talk about your ‘special lady’... She’s young enough to be your granddaughter...
Letting go of her, you look her in the eyes and smile. “I promise. Trapper was a good friend of mine... I’ll have him rotting in the Canterlot dungeon faster than you can say habeas corpus.”
Doctor Dala looks to you with a wide smile. “Thank you,” she says before giving you a quick peck on the cheek and disappearing out the door with a bashful smile.
You can’t help but blush as you rub your cheek where she kissed you. “I think I’m going to like being an undercover agent...”
--------------------------------------------
Your eyes flutter open slowly as the soft droning sound of your alarm clock stirs you from your slumber. You grope around your nightstand for the alarm before slamming your hoof down on it and silencing it.
6:30 already? Damn...
Your joints sound like someone is stepping on packing peanuts as you roll out of bed and stand shakily on your hooves before stumbling towards the bathroom. You run a hoof along the wall for a light switch and let out a painful grunt as the light shines brightly in your eyes, as if the sun had personally decided to visit you this early in the morning.
Looking into the bathroom mirror, you look yourself over like you do every, but something stops you from starting your usual morning routine.
When did my mane get that gray? you ask as you run a hoof through your hair. How do I not notice something like that?
For the next half an hour, you look over your mane and start combing it in all sorts of different. “Dear Princesses above...” you say with a frustrated sigh. “I look like someone’s grandfather.”
You are someone’s grandfather... a little voice reminds you.
Grabbing a bottle of mouthwash, you take a swig of it and swish it around. At least I won’t be seeing anymore of the ex-wife anytime soon... you think with a bit of a smile.
Spitting the mouthwash into the sink, you turn the faucet on and splash some water into your face. You’re growing old... a little nagging voice says from the back of your mind. You shouldn’t have taken this mission. You could be on your way to Summerset Keys by now, sipping little bottles of airplane booze. You should let someone younger do this. Someone who can do this.
“I can do this,” you say with renewed vigor. “I’m going to do this. I’m gonna find that changeling S.O.B”
Grabbing a hold of the bathroom towel, you dry yourself off and make your way for the closet.
“Now then...Let’s show ‘em what this old stallion is made of...” you say with a wide smile.
--------------------------------------------
“Alright... I got my suitcase...” you say as you walk across the train platform, making sure you had everything you need. “More than enough clothes... My ID, my passport, flier’s license, ticket... more than enough spending money... And this...”
Holding up the envelope again, you try to wrap your head around the contents, but knew it had something to do with the mission. All it had on it was the words “Happy Birthday Flare Chaser”.
Tucking it inside your coat pocket for now, you make your way to your train and pass the conductor your ticket before climbing inside the train car.
And so it begins... you think in disbelief. I’m officially on a mission.
Grabbing a hold of your suitcase, you throw it into the compartment above you and sit down with a sigh of relief. “Alright... Let’s crack this puppy open,” you say as you move a bit closer to the window.
Opening up the envelope, you aren’t too surprised by the birthday card within; a simple one bit store card with the picture of a birthday cake covered with candles and the words “Make a wish!” on the front. covered glitter. However, the inside turns out to hold something much more than a birthday wish. Pulling out your reading glasses, you squint your eyes and do your best to make out the tiny writing.
Mission Objective: To locate, apprehend the changeling hiding in Ponyville
Secondary Objective: To protect the Elements of Harmony from Changeling transgression
Your Cover: You have the job at the Ponyville, this has already been established, but what you don’t know is that you will be monitored as the new manager... A district manager by the name of Lightning Bolt will be looking over your shoulder constantly while you’re working there. Keep up the charade for as long as possible and give him the air of a confident and competent worker and you’ll be golden.
Your Handler: As with any agent, you are expected to report to your handler with your findings, your suspicions, and your reports. Your handler will meet you at Sugarcube Corner at exactly 12:15 PM, outside on the patio. She’ll have her back to the wall and today’s newspaper open in front of her. You are to sit down at the table she is at and say the phrase “It is such a beautiful day today, is it not?”, to which she’ll respond with the phrase “Yes, the weather team really have really outdone themselves this time.” This will identify her as your handler. And one last thing; don’t be late. She respects punctuality.
Your Informant: The only pony you need not suspect of being a changeling is my sister’s pupil, Twilight Sparkle; the Element of Magic. She’s already been cleared of any suspicion and has been informed that an operative will be coming to Ponyville, but she does not know who. I suggest you only contact her if you require her expertise, her knowledge, or her magic if it comes right down to it and your handler approves. When you seek her out, ask her for the book “Crepusculum Opportunus Nox Noctis”. She’ll immediately know who you are and what your purpose is.
All I can say is to stick to your cover, listen to your handler, and fall back on the Stalliongrad Rules when you’re unsure of your next move. It may have fallen out of use in my absence, but there’s a reason all of my operatives followed them... They work.
Good luck Colonel. You have my blessing.
Signed, Princess Luna
Un-squinting your eyes, you rub at them furiously as you tuck away the card. Damn, how did she manage to fit all that on that tiny card? you think as your eyes start to re-adjust. As you put away your reading glasses, a thought dawns on you.
So... I have a handler... you think with a growing smile. It’s official. I’m an agent.
Your smile slowly starts to fade as your thoughts turn towards Trapper. “You probably would have laughed at the thought of me as an agent, Traps,” you say under your breath. “Probably would have just called me ‘Double Zero’. But that’s how you a-... Were. You always busting my chops. But that’s how you worked, too. You would have told me that I would probably get my tuxedo stuck in the grappling hook... And you would have told me I was the worst agent out there.” By now you were talking below a whisper. “You... You said stuff like that because you know I’d go out of my way to prove you wrong...”
And I’m going to prove you wrong again. You think as you tighten your grip on the hoof rest. I’m going to be the best damned agent out there, Trapper. Count on it.
--------------------------------------------
As the train approaches the brown earth pony, you get to your feet excitedly and leap over the sleeping stallion sitting next to you, without even stirring him from his sleep.
Either this guy’s a heavy sleeper or this old stallion still has some moves you think with a hopeful smile as you reach for your bag in the overhead compartment. Just as the train touches on the brakes, a thought crosses your mind as you stare at the sleeping stallion.
Stepping into the empty seat behind you, you lean over it and whisper into his ear. “Hey, the train ride is over. Time to wake up.”
As soon as the last word leaves your mouth and the stallion starts to open his eyes, you quickly duck back into the aisle so you’re walking by the stallion as he turns to find an empty seat beside him. “T...Thanks mate,” he says with a yawn. “I don’t usually doze off like that, but-”
He stops as he looks around at the empty seat and looks out into the aisle. “Bugger me! How’d you move so fast?” he asks as you make your way off of the train.
“Old Guǒ-xià secret!” you yell out with a chuckle.
As you step onto the station platform, you can’t help but take a deep breath in and smile as you look up at the cloudless sky before making your way into the streets of Ponyville. “Ahh... Ponyville... Hasn’t changed in all these years...”
Sugarcube Corner’s definitely gotten a makeover since Angel and Marble Cake handed it over to their son... And it looks like the old dress shop’s got a new owner... And I don’t remember all of these houses being here before... Wow...
“I guess Ponyville has changed...” you say aloud.
“What do you mean by that, mister?” a young colt says, startling you out of your trip down memory lane. You look down at the blue colt and give him a smile.
“Well... I used to live here,” you say plainly. “I haven’t been here in a long time, though. Things are different then from what I remember...”
“Ohhh...” the colt says as he walks besides you. “Does that make you sad? You know, with things being different and all.”
You shake your head. “No, not at all. I’ve been around the block a few times and I’ve seen a lot change in my life and I learned that’s what happens when you get older. Things change. And it really doesn’t bother me.”
“Really?” the colt asks in disbelief. “I don’t know if I would be happy if everything just sort of...changed.”
“Well just look on the bright side,” you say as you stop in front of the Ponyville Post Office. “Places may change, but ponies don’t.”
You look around for the little blue colt, but he was nowhere to be found. “Huh... Guess his mom called him...”
You push it to the back of your mind as you make your way into the Ponyville Post Office and start smiling from ear to ear. It looked exactly the way you remembered it when you were a kid, right down to small crack in the front desk, where a jasmine pegasus sat, playing with her blue mane.
“May I help you?” she asks idly as she flips through a magazine.
Setting your bags down near the door, you walk up to the desk and lean over her. “Are you supposed to be doing that while on the job?”
She immediately looks up to you with a scowl. “What’s it ya? Who do you think you are?”
“I’m Flare Chaser,” you say sternly, yet calmly. “And I’m your new boss.”
She immediately changes her tone and throws the magazine entitled “Weather Team Weekly” to the ground and gives you a sheepish smile. “Oh, um, uh... Hi. S-Sorry, I didn’t-”
“Just don’t do it again,” you say as you step back from her desk. "I'm fine with you reading, but don't do it when there's work to be done. Like your desk, it's a mess."
Raindrops nods quickly as she grabs at the papers hurriedly. “Y-Yes sir,” she says weakly. “Sorry sir...”
“Don’t sweat it,” you say with a reassuring smile. “I’m not as big a jerk as you think I am. Just-”
Before you can go any further, a high pitched scream followed by a heavy thud makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck. But what really gets your blood boiling is a hearty laugh.
That was all you needed and within a second, you were off like a shot towards the scream and what sounded like a stallion.
“Oh come on, Derpy. I’m sure you’ll catch it this time!”
Bursting into the room, you find yourself staring at a heavyset black stallion holding a box above his head as he looked down at a crying gray pegasus across the room who’s blonde mane was stained with the smallest trace of blood.
“JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!?” you bellow, shocking the black stallion enough to make the box slip out of his hooves and fall onto his head.
“Wha-”
“YOU BETTER ANSWER ME SON, ‘CAUSE I’M A HAIR AWAY FROM BREAKING A FOOT OFF IN YOUR ASS!”
The stallion looks to you nervously as you walk closer, until his back was pressed up against the wall. “I was just-”
“JUST WHAT? JUST ABOUT TO THROW SOMETHING ELSE AT THE LITTLE LADY?”
The black stallion goes completely silent as he tries to squirm away from you.
“Get the hell out of my FACE!” you yell as you push him towards the door. “Consider yourself on a week’s suspension, no pay. NOW GET!”
“You can’t do that!” he screams back as you push him out into the streets of Ponyville.
“I’m your boss and if you try to argue with me, I’ll make it two weeks. Now get out of my sight.”
You and the black stallion stare each other down before he gets up and starts to walk away. “Just wait until my dad hears about this...”
“Yeah, you tell him you got suspended for hitting a lady! I’m sure he’ll understand!”
With the black stallion finally out of sight, you slam the door and turn to Raindrops, who was practically shaking in her seat. “Is there a first aid kit?” you ask with a heavy sigh.
She simply stares at you dumbly as you look around the office.
“Well!?”
“D-down the hall, on the right,” she says shakily.
“Thanks,” you say as you make a dash for it.
You quickly find the first aid kit and rip it off the wall before galloping back to the room where you left the gray pegasus.
“How bad is it?” you ask as you rush to her side.
She looks up to you with her big gold eyes as she holds the side of her gingerly and feel your heart sink. “Oh my gosh, did he do that to your eye?” you ask as you tilt her head back. “Does it hurt?”
“N...No,” she says weakly. “It’s always like that.”
You give her a funny look before opening the first aid kit. “Well... Alright. Now hold still while I clean and patch that up.”
Taking out one of the antiseptic sprays, you hold it up to her and show her it before shaking it vigorously. “Now this might sting,” you say before spraying it along the quarter-inch gash in her forehead.
“No one usually stands up to Thunderbolt,” she says calmly as the spray hits her wound.
“Why not?” you ask as you take out a package of steri-strips. “Bullies back down when you do.”
The gray pegasus flinches a bit as you apply the steri-strips. “They don’t stand up to him because his father is the district manager.”
“Oh, that doesn’t have me worried... ” you say as you help her to her hooves. “I’m Flare Chaser, by the way. The new manager.”
“I...I’m Ditzy Doo...” she says as she stares deeply at you before gazing out the window. “And... I gotta go, if you don’t mind... I’m not feeling so well.”
“Sure, take a day off,” you say as you lead her to the front door. “You’ve been through a lot.”
“Thank you,” she says weakly. “I’ll be in tomorrow.”
As Ditzy makes her way out of the post office, you glance at the clock above the door and grimace. Damnit... Almost noon...
“Raindrops, can you hold down the fort while I’m gone? I gotta meet someone in a bit.”
“I can’t, I mean... Um... Okay, I guess...” she says as you make your way out into the streets of Ponyville.
--------------------------------------------
Looking out at the group of tables in front of Sugarcube Corner, you find only one table that was close enough to be to the wall.
“Empty?” you ask under your breath. “Don’t tell me I’m late...”
You fish your pocket watch out of your coat pocket and hold it up with a sigh of relief. “12:14... Guess I’m early.”
Taking a quick glance at the table, you blink in confusion as you find yourself staring at a pony with their back to the wall and newspaper held open, obstructing their face.
“What the...” Glancing back at your watch, you find simply shrug as the time reads 12:15. “Guess it’s time...”
Walking up to the table, you sit down in front of the pony and clear your throat. “It’s such a beautiful day today, isn’t it?”
The pony is quiet for the longest time and for a moment, you think you approached the wrong pony, but she finally speaks up. “Yes, the weather team really have really outdone themselves this time.”
Wait a minute... I’ve heard that voice.
Slowly, Ditzy Doo lowers her newspaper and folds it before giving you a smile. “Hello colonel... It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”
Sitting down slowly, you take a deep breath and run your hooves through your mane, more than confused. “I... Well... This is a little hard to take in... I was kinda under the impression my handler wouldn’t be...well, be-”
“Be what, Colonel?” she asks rather sharply. “A mare? Is the fact that your handler is a mare put you off? Because if so, let me tell you I’m-”
“I know, I know, ‘I’m more than capable of giving orders and making the tough decisions when the time comes’, I’ve heard it enough times.” Ditzy focuses in on you and starts to stare daggers, making you shift uncomfortably in your seat. “Don’t get me wrong. At the end of the day I’m perfectly fine with taking orders from a mare. But those old gentlemanly habits my grandad hammered into me aren’t going to go away that easy. You’re not gonna bite my head off if I hold the door open for you or push in your chair, are you?”
Ditzy shakes her head slowly. “No. Not at all...” she says with a ragged sigh. “Sorry for the hostility. I’ve had to deal with a lot of chauvinistic pi-” Ditzy looks up and stops herself before coughing into her hoof. “Ponies. It’s been a hassle lately.”
“You mean what happened with Thunderbolt?” you ask curiously. “Or is there something else-”
“I was told you were quite blunt, colonel,” Ditzy interrupts, steering the conversation in another direction. “And to the point. So I’ll try and make this quick as possible. I-”
“Wait, before you start spilling all sorts of government secrets, should we really be out in the open like this?” you ask as you glance around nervously. “Couldn’t somepony be listening in on our conversation?”
A small smile creeps across Ditzy’s face as she leans back in her chair. “No, not at all...We’re perfectly fine where we are. Don’t believe me? Then listen carefully Colonel. What do you hear? And please, don’t spare the details.”
Looking around Sugarcube Corner and all the ponies bustling through the streets, you give Ditzy a small shrug. “I don’t know, birds? I think I hear a dog somewhere... And all these ponies going about their business.”
“Exactly,” she says with a small nod. “And this is your first lesson... Social stealth. Here we are, out in the open, about to talk about sensitive information and I’m more than comfortable here. Because the other ponies? They don’t care. They aren’t listening to what we have to say. They’re too concerned with what they’re gonna have for dinner or where to buy the best tea. And even if they want to hear us, they can’t hear anything over the drone of the crowd.”
Nodding slowly, you run a hoof through your mane again. I feel like the foal just thrown into the deep end of the pool... you think with a heavy sigh.
“A bit over your head, Colonel?” Ditzy asks with a cocky smile.
“No, just hard to relax. It'd make me feel a whole lot safer to be talking inside, behind closed doors. ... But old habits die hard, huh?” You give Ditzy a little smile as you cross your legs and put your hooves on the table. “Tell you what, I’m going to keep my big mouth shut and chime in when it’s appropriate. You just go and say whatever your little heart wants to.”
Ditzy looks to you with a warm smile and simply rests her chin on her hoof. “My dear Colonel, if we’re going to be working together, you’re going to have to learn to trust me, because I-’m really grateful for what you did for me back at the post office.”
You blink in confusion as Ditzy’s voice changes from the smooth operator you were just getting used to, into the almost childish voice she used not a few hours earlier after the incident with Thunderbolt.
“What? I-”
“Hi there! Welcome to Sugar Cube Corner!” a rather bubbly pink mare asks as she bounds up to you. “What can I get’chya two?”
“I’ll have the usual, thanks Pinkie Pie~” Ditzy says to her with a small smile. “What do you want Flare Chaser?”
Clearing your throat, you look to the mare and wave a hoof. “Oh no, I’m fine. I had a big breakfast.”
Pinkie stares at you for a few moments and blinks before letting out a high pitched squeal. “Ohmygosh, ohmygosh! You’re new, aren’tchya?” she asks excitedly. “You got here today, didn’tchya?”
You let out a nervous laugh, taken aback a bit by the pony’s forwardness. “Yeah, I got here this morning, actually by train. From New Colt City.”
“Ohhh wowie! You sure came a long way... Ya sure you don’t want something?” she asks with a wide smile. “What about a doughnut? The Cakes just took a fresh batch out of the oven and they’re super yummy.”
With a sigh, you shrug your shoulders. “Alright then, sure. A jelly doughnut sounds good right about now, despite what my diet says.”
“Righty right right! I’ll be back in a bit!” she says before galloping off. As soon as she ducks back into Sugar Cube Corner, you turn back to Ditzy, who was smiling from ear to ear.
“What?” you ask bluntly. “What’s got you all smiley?
“Oh, just a couple things... Pinkie Pie for one. Oh boy, are you in for it... And the fact that you’re a natural liar... I mean it, I’m actually impressed,” she says with a bit of a laugh. “I had honestly expected you to bungle over your cover and look like a fool, but no... You’ve pleasantly surprised me, Colonel.”
“You surprise me, too...” you say, smiling back. “You don’t have to be covert ops to know that you’re leading a sort of double life. Is there a reason you act like you do or is it all just for fun?”
Ditzy’s smile falters a bit as she shifts in her seat. “Later, Colonel... For now, lets get your first assignment out of the way. I want you to go to the old barn near Sweet Apple Acres after you’re done with your shift this evening. It’s located approximately one mile away from Sweet Apple Acres itself, but it’s out of the way and overlooked by most ponies. You’re to meet me there, where we’ll begin training in earnest. Make sure-”
Holding up your hooves, you stop her from going any further. “Whoa, whoa, whoa... Hold on there cowgirl. I thought you were just gonna be my handler. What’s this about training?”
“Oh, you mean you don’t want me to help train you track down a creature that’s born to be the perfect spy?” Ditzy asks flatly. “Colonel, like I was going to say earlier, you’re going to have to learn to trust my judgement and do what I tell you. I expect all of my agents to listen to my instructions, because it’s always in their best interests. You’re trained in unarmed combat, correct?”
“Well, it should say it in my file. Unless the file clerks got coffee on it again, but yeah. I know how to handle myself in a fight. Why?”
Ditzy smiles slyly as she gets to her hooves. “Alright... I’ll see you tonight Colonel. I expect you to arrive at around 8:00 PM, so don’t dawdle or you will regret it,” she says with a snicker.
“Okay then... Is that everything?” you ask with a shrug. “Because if so, I need to go iron my tux if we’re gonna really get into all this.”
“I’m just starting to like you, Colonel...” Ditzy says with a scoff. “Don’t ruin it with your romantic ideas about the world of espionage.”
“Who said anything about that that?” you ask as you see Pinkie trot towards you from the corner of your eye. “A stallion’s got to look good for his date.”
“Date?” Pinkie asks as she sets down a jelly doughnut for you and muffin for Ditzy. “Who’s got a date?”
Casting a glance over at Ditzy, you see her blush a bit as she picks up her muffin. “N-No one...” she says as she starts to take off.
“See ya later!” you call out before biting into your doughnut. You can’t help but snicker under your breath as Ditzy’s pace picks up. What’s gotten into her? you muse as you swallow a mouthful of doughnut.
“Sooooooo~” Pinke Pie says aloud, leaning in almost too close. “How do you feel about the pony pokey?”
Turning to her slowly, you take a deep breath and let out a ragged. “I’m gonna regret asking this... But what are you planning?”
“Oh and whatever do you mean by that?” Pinkie asks innocently.
“Ohh, you know exactly what I mean... Now come on, tell what’s going on.”
“Buuuuut it’ll ruin the surprise~” Pinkie says with a wide grin.
“Oh, so that’s what you’re planning...” you say with a little nod. “Listen, as much as I’d love a surprise party right about now, I’ve actually got a lot on my plate right now, sorry.”
“Who said anything about surprise parties?” Pinkie said defensively. She blinks a few times before smiling sheepishly. “I mean, I sorta...”
“You asked me how I felt about a party dance, sweetie,” you say as you get to your hooves. “Like I said, I’m busy and need to get back to the Post Office. Maybe some other time.”
“Okay...” she says with a heavy sigh. “Some other time then...”
“Well, I’m off,” you say as you set a few bits down on the table. “Give my compliments to the... Cakes you said? That was a good doughnut.”
“Will do!” Pinkie says as you take off. “See ya later!”
With a little nod, you pick up the pace and sail back towards the post office.
*********************************************
“Honey, I’m home!” you call out as you walk through the post office door. Raindrops gives you a sheepish smile as you walk up to the frontdesk. “Anything happen while I was grabbing a lunch?”
“Nothing, really. We had a few letter drop offs, but that’s about it. But, uh, Mr. Flare Chaser?” she says timidly. “Sir? There’s a bit of a problem... Thunderbolt was our letter and package sorter and you kinda suspended him. What are we gonna do until he comes back?”
Scratching your head, you motion Raindrops to her hooves. “Come on, show me where he worked.”
“Yes sir,” she says with a nervous smile. “Right over here.”
“Geez, what’s wrong with you?” you ask with a chuckle. “You’re just a bundle of nerves, aren’t ya?”
Raindrops scratches the back of her head bashfully. “Well... Our old boss was kinda-”
“Stop right there,” you say holding up a hoof. “Think about what you just said. Your ‘old boss’. I don’t care what he did or said, because I’m your new boss. So don’t go treating me like your old boss, calm yourself down, and stop calling me ‘sir’ and ‘mister’. It makes me feel old.”
With a sigh of relief Raindrops manages an actual smile this time. “Okay... Okay. Little less nervous now. I just get all anxious sometimes and it’s hard time to calm down, you know?”
“Ohh, I know exactly what you’re going through, trust me...” you say with a little chuckle. “I bet that little fit I had earlier with Thunderbolt didn’t help, did it?”
Raindrops shakes her head slowly. “Yeah... I seriously thought it was gonna be Mr. Brown all over again there for a second...”
“Well, trust me when I say I don’t raise my voice unless I have to. And, well...” you trail off for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh. “It... just struck a raw nerve when I saw him attacking Ditzy like that...”
“Oh... Well, uh, here we are,” she says as she opens the door for you. In the middle of the room sat a large plastic box about halfway full of letters and a few brown packages. “Basically, all the letters and packages need to be sorted into their prospective P.O. Box. Thunderbolt got about half of what he was supposed to do today, so someone still has to go through the rest.”
“Alright then... Who’s the one who normally does the mail route?” you ask as you idly sift through the box.
“Ditzy’s our mailmare and she’s already delivered what needed to go out.”
“Well then Raindrops, I suggest you watch the front desk while I take care of this,” you say as you reach in and look over a random letter. “I got this.”
“Ohh! Okay... Wow, thanks...” Raindrops says with a wide smile. “I mean, Mr. Brown would normally make me-”
“Ah, ah! What did I say earlier? Now go and watch the front desk. If I need anything, I’ll call for you. And if you don’t have anything to do, try and keep everything tidy, okay?”
“Will do Mi-... Flare Chaser.” With that, Raindrops bounds off, leaving you all alone.
You wait a few more moments until you’re completely sure that you’re alone.
“Well then...” you say to yourself as you reach into your saddlebag, producing the flashlight that Doctor Dala gave you. “Let’s find out if you’re writing home or not...”
Shining the neon blue light onto the letter, you look it over for anything out of the ordinary. “Nope, clean...” you say before pushing it into its P.O. Box. Turning back to the box of letters and packages, you sigh aloud. “Oh yeah, I can see this getting exciting real fast...”
*********************************************
With the final letter tucked in place, you let out a satisfied sigh as you push the ‘Wand of Detection’, as you had taken to calling it, back into your saddlebag. “Over a hundred letters and ten packages... And I come up with nada. Zip. Zero.” Glancing over at the clock, you feel your stomach rumble. “Six o’clock... Quitting time. And time for this pony to get something in his stomach.”
Opening the door to reception, you’re immediately assaulted by bright lights, screaming, and loud explosions. A wave of panic passes through you as your wings flare and you take into the air and get ready to give the order. “Scra-” You breath catches in your throat as you look down at the confused faces of many ponies who stood their wearing party hats underneath a “Welcome to Ponyville!” banner hanging through the post office.
“W...What the...”
The sound of party noisemaker grabs your attention and you soon find yourself staring at Pinkie Pie, who was grinning wildly. “We totally got you good! You were soooo surprised!”
Touching down slowly in front of her, you let out a little laugh as you scratch the back of your head nervously. “Y-Yeah, you totally got me...”
If my heart doesn’t calm down, I might just need an ambulance... you think with a heavy sigh.
“What were you yelling?” a yellow stallion asked as he walked up with a glass of punch. “You sort of freaked out there for a second and it was like you were gonna scream something.”
“Ohh, that?” you ask as you wander over to the punchbowl, your throat going dry. "Sorry. You can take the stallion out of the fire department, but you can't take the fire department out of the stallion, I guess. I was gonna yell to scramble the search and rescue teams."
“Ohh wow, you’re firepony?” a blue mare asks with wide smile. “That’s sooo cool!”
“Yeah. Well, I mean I was. I retired a few months ago,” you say before taking a sip of punch.
“Wait, you retired?” the inquisitive mare asked. “What are you doing here working at the post office then? Should you be like, chilling on some beach?”
Story of my life, lady... Story of my life... you think as you throw your head back and finish off your punch.
“Cause it’s something I always wanted to do,” you say with a chuckle. “Call me crazy, but I always wanted to work at a post office. So I figure with all this free time, I can do all the things I’ve always wanted to.”
“Ohhh...” she says with a small nod. “That’s pretty cool, actually.”
“Hey, you got any good stories from being on the fire department?” a stallion asks with a bright smile. “I’ve always thought about getting into the fire fighting business.”
Ohhh boy... Think fast, loud mouth... Wait... The cover stories...
Taking a deep breath, you do your best to remember what Shining Armor said to you before leaving for the station.
“Alright Colonel... You’re sure to run into some inquisitive ponies while undercover. Other than what’s already established, you served at Station 7 and were part of three key structure fires and they are...”
With a small smile, you set your empty punch glass down and take a breath.
“Well... There was this one time my buddy and I... Drapper is his name. We got a call about a possible structure fire on fifth and main. Well, we got suited up and took off with the rest of the team with Drapper and I on point. Turns out the building that was on fire was an office building. Well, there were all these ponies standing around open windows just looking at the ground...”
Looking around the room, you can’t help but smile a bit as you realize that you had everyone’s attention.
Smooth as silk....
“Well this one stallion, couldn’t be more than twenty years old, decided to try and make a jump for it. The minute he stepped off, Drapper didn’t waste a second and sped off, catching him before he even had time to scream.” Picking up a doughnut on a nearby table, you take a bite out of it. “It went on like that for the next five minute as ponies jumped out of the building and into our waiting hooves.”
The crowd lets out a collective “Ohhhh” as you finish your doughnut.
“You got any more stories?” a purple unicorn asks from the crowd.
Taking a glance at the clock and shrug. 6:30...
“Oh, I got some time. Sure.”
*********************************************
The whole crowd roared in laughter as you did your best to keep a straight face as you regaled them with stories that weren’t entirely false.
“And... And so Drapper looks around, sniffing the air and asking ‘Do you smell smoke?’ as his tail burned. I mean, hell, I would have said something to the guy but I couldn’t get a word in edgewise! Everytime I opened my mouth to tell him, he’d just get more frustrated and ask louder. I-”
Your heart skips a beat as your eyes drift towards the window. No, it can’t be that late... you think nervously as you glance at the clock. Ohhh crap... Yes, it can be that late...
“Listen everyone, I gotta here... I was supposed to meet somepony like five minutes ago,” you say as you make your way to the door. “I’m really sorry, but I gotta-”
“All you gotta do is party!” Pinkie cries out as she grabs a hold of you. “Come on, we still gotta do the pony pokey!”
You panic for a moment as you try to find some sort of excuse to get out of this, but instead something else comes to mind. “Wait, wait, wait...” you say as you pry yourself from Pinkie’s grip. “The pony pokey is fun and all, but why not do something even more fun?” you say with a huge smile. “Anyone here ever play ponyhunt?”
The crowd of ponies murmur amongst themselves before Pinkie speaks up. “Oh! Oh! I think I’ve heard of it! Isn’t like tag?”
“Sort of,” you say as you lean against the wall next to the door. “It’s like tag, but in reverse. You’ve got a whole bunch of ponies looking for just one pony.”
“Ooooh, sounds like fun!” Pinkie says with a huge smile. “Can I be the one everypony is supposed to find? I’m really really good at hiding!”
Ohhh, this is too good... you think with an equally big smile. “Sure you can Pinkie! Everypony here will count to fifty and then come looking for you. If you can stay hidden for an hour, then you win.”
Pinkie scoffs aloud. “Oh come on, let’s make this interesting! I bet if you guys count to ten and have three hours, you still won’t find me!”
“I’ll take that bet,” you say with a cocky smile. “If I find you, you owe me a dozen doughnuts.”
“And if you don’t?” a blue pegasus asks aloud.
“Let’s just say you owe me one,” Pinkie says as she tensed her body up. “Start counting.”
And with that, Pinkie bolted off into sleepy Ponyville, leaving you and the rest of the party goers to count aloud.
Galloping out into the streets and flapping your wings, you take off into the night sky. “Go, go, go ponies! Spread out in a grid pattern and don’t leave a single stone unturned.”
Glancing at the town clocktower, you grit your teeth and curse under your breath. “Oh great, ten minutes late...” you mutter aloud as you speed towards Sweet Apple Acres. “She better not bite my head off over this...”
*********************************************
“There it is...” you mutter under your breath as you catch a glimpse of the barn roof, peaking through the treeline. Touching down outside of the grove of apple trees belonging to Sweet Apple Acres, you scan the area around you.
Okay, haven’t been followed and no one around... you think with a satisfied smile.
Galloping into the forest, you dodge and weave in-between trees in the general direction of the barn. It doesn’t take long for you to reach your goal. Trotting out of the treeline and entering the clearing, you look up to it and whistle aloud. “How the hell is this thing still standing?” you ask aloud.
Out of nowhere, something hits you from above and pins you to the ground. Struggling and throwing your weight to the side, you grab your attacker and attempt to throw them off, but not before feeling what must have been teeth gripping at your neck.
“Son of A... Get... OFF!” you scream before digging your back hooves into the stomach of your attack and bucking hard, shoving them off and onto the ground. Scrambling to your hooves, you flare your wings and take a defensive stance.
“That was a fatal bite to the neck,” a familiar voice says. “If you don’t bleed out first, the poison will hit your heart and kill right about... Now. Sorry to say colonel, but you’re dead. What did you do wrong?”
You stare dumbly at Ditzy for a moment, confused more about what she was wearing then what she was doing. You do your best to keep yourself from staring, but the skin tight black suit she was wearing made it hard not to.
“I...Uh... I... I forgot how important is to eat a healthy breakfast this morning?” you ask with a shrug. “Ditzy, I wasn’t-”
“That’s right,” she says sharply. “You weren’t prepared. And you’re late.”
“Well sorry,” you grumble under your breath. “I was-”
“Colonel, unless it relates to the mission, I don’t rightly care why you were late. Just follow me, we have to make up for lost time,” she says as she turns her back on you. “We still have to go over your first assignment before we even get into sparring.”
You blush deeply after one look and point your eyes towards the ground. Sweet sisters above, it leaves little to the imagination...
“So, uhh... What’s with the suit?” you ask idly. “I’ve never seen anything quite like it...”
“It’s a stealth and reconnaissance suit meant for night operations. It offers protection along the spine, barrel, and chest in the form of very resilient fiber-compound not unlike kevlar, yet supplemented with small enchantments,” she says matter-of-factly. “It’s standard issue to most agents.”
Ditzy stops in the middle of the barn and turns to you. “I’ve had a change of heart. I’m in the mood for some sparring now and then we’ll go over your assignment.” Flaring her wings, she visibly tenses. “Defend yourself.”
“Listen, Ditzy, what’s going on?” you ask in frustration. “Can you let me explain myself without biting off my-”
“Colonel, I told you don’t care why you were late, the simple fact is that I told you to do something and you did not,” she says with a growl. “Now defend yourself.”
“Okay, now I know you’re mad at me,” you groan out. “You’re acting just like my ex-wife. You won’t let me explain why I screwed up and why I’m-”
In a quick, fluid motion, Ditzy dives towards you, her teeth bared and snapping at you, close enough to feel it graze your neck. Ducking out of the way, you roll and take a defensive posture.
“I suggest you focus on the fight rather than-”
Something snaps in your head as Ditzy drills into you and before you know, you find yourself diving towards Ditzy as she did to you, instead using your whole body to blindside her and send both you and her sprawling on the ground. Reaching out, your wrap your forehooves around her midsection as she tries to stand up.
“Ohhh no you’re not...” you say through grit teeth as you throw your weight to the side, bringing Ditzy back to the ground, underneath you this time. Straddling her chest, you place your forehooves on her wrists and press down, pinning her.
Ditzy struggles for a few moments, but soon stops and looks up to you. “Alright Colonel... You have my full attention.”
“Listen here,” you pant aloud. “Am I sorry for being late? Yeah... But choosing between making face with the ponies here and getting on their good side and on time? I’d rather get on all these ponies good sides... Now that I got that out of the way, I’m gonna get up. You gonna try to take another chomp at me?”
Ditzy’s expression softens. “I’d really like it if you got off of me now,” she says with a small blush. “So no, I’m not going to attack you.”
“Great, now why don’t we-” Looking down, you start to stumble over your words as it finally hits you just how awkward this position must have been for Ditzy. Getting to your hooves quickly, you help her up and dust her off. “Why...Why don’t we find a place to talk about this-this assignment thing you were talking about?”
“Y-Yes... That would be for the best,” Ditzy says as she coughs into her hoof. “We’ll talk more in the cellar.”
You watch as Ditzy pulls out a key from a side pocket in her outfit and walks towards the barn. Keeping at her side this time, you follow her to the hatchway of the cellar.
“I rent the barn out for my older daughter. She’s a gemcutter, you know. She doesn’t need the cellar. And as far as she knows, there isn’t a key for it,” she says as she sets the lock aside. “Come on, we’ve got some work to do.”
“Ah... Let me go first,” you say as you hold a hoof out. “You know, cause it’s dark and I’d hate to see you fall down those stairs.”
Ditzy laughs under her breath as she pushes your hoof aside. “Oh come now, Colonel. Have you forgotten who you’re talking to? Besides you don’t know where the light switch is.”
You put your hoof back right where it was and stop her from going any further. “Then just tell me where it is and I’ll find it.”
“Colonel, why don’t you-”
“I don’t want to keep staring at your ass,” you finally say with a deep blush. “So just let me go first.”
Ditzy’s jaw drops slightly before she scowls. “And what exactly is wrong with my ass?”
“Nothing, nothing at all!” you cry out defensively. “It’s a nice ass, I just-”
You practically shove your hoof into your mouth as the words leave you and look to Ditzy in horror. “I didn’t say anything, that never happened,” you groan out in embarrassment as you turn your back on Ditzy. “Let’s just put this all behind us.”
“Yes, you can put it behind you and show me along with everything else,” she says with a tease.
Pivoting on your hooves, you turn back to Ditzy, your face turning a scarlet red. “A-A-Are you-”
“Colonel, I think we’ve spent enough time staring at each other...” she says with a flick of her tail. “I think it’s time we got to work.”
“J...Join you in a second...” you say as you lean against the barn. Running a hoof through mane, you let out a ragged sigh as Ditzy makes her way down the steps.
Sweet sisters above, I need a cold shower... you think with a deep blush.
“Are you coming or not, Colonel?” Ditzy calls out.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah! Hold yourself girl, I’m coming!” you yell as you make your way down the stairs after her.
*********************************************
Ditzy’s tail twitches back and forth as she looks through a nearby file cabinet against the stone wall as she grumbles under her breath. “I really need to sort this thing out... Ah! Here they are,” she says as she holds up a plain looking manilla folder.
“Field reports,” she says as she sets the folder on the table in front of you. “I expect you to write down all the going ons that you experience while you are an operative here in Ponyville. I expect you to write your report, put it in a plain envelope and mail it to 157 Acorn Street from the address 221 Lilly Lane.”
Pulling one of the field reports out of the folder, you glance over it as you lean back in your chair. “Where is it actually going?” you ask out of curiosity. “Are you picking it out of the mail during your delivery?”
Ditzy smiles as she closes the filing cabinet and leans against it. “Sort of... It’s going to my house, in my mailbox. Since I’m the one delivering it, there’s little risk of it being intercepted.”
Nodding slowly, you tuck the folder away. “Okay, and I can’t just give it to you because somepony might get suspicious if they see a number of transactions between you and me.”
“Bingo,” she says as she places a new folder in front of you. “And now, let us move on to the task at hoof... Newest arrivals in Ponyville and reconnaissance said arrivals.”
“I take it I get to do some actual spy work soon?” you ask with a little chuckle as you pick up the folder. Opening it up, you glance over the papers as Ditzy continues.
“Yes, but not before I teach you the basics of special o.p.s and wet work... If you manage to sail through the training, we’ll-”
“I know these two ponies...” you say as you lean forward in your seat, pulling out two of the papers. “Sorry to cut you off, it’s just... I saw them. They were both at Pinkie Pie’s party. The stallion... Starburst. He asked me what I was going to yell when they surprised me. And the mare, Rosewing? She wanted me to tell stories about my time as a member of the New Colt City Fire Department.”
“You’ve already had contact with these two?” Ditzy asks in shock. “This can be either really good are really bad depending on how we approach this... How did they react to your presence? Did they ask you any personal questions or get overly friendly?”
“The mare was the only one who really friendly,” you say as you hold up her picture. “She kept asking me about the whole fire department thing because she said she wanted to be a firepony herself.”
“Okay... So, if the stallion, Starburst, wasn’t getting close or friendly, then it’s a good chance that he isn’t the changeling. However, I don’t think we should cross him off the list,” she says as she paces across the room. “Rosewing exhibits classic changeling motive; they get close and friendly to those around them, learning everything they can before taking them out and taking over. Not only that, but it would make sense for a changeling spy in the area to target somepony they know is new here. Other ponies won’t notice them disappear or suddenly act differently.”
You bite at your lip as you exam the third and final pony. “I don’t know this one, though,” you say as you hold up a picture of a yellow unicorn. “It says here that his name is Comet Tail. What should we do about him?”
“Right now, I feel like we should be looking at Rosewing,” Ditzy says as she grabs the paper on Rosewing. “We’re not going to count out the other ponies until we’re absolutely sure, but right now, she’s fitting the profile best out of the three.”
“Alright, then let’s get into this training business,” you say as you get to your hooves. “Let’s not waste anymore time. What do I need to know about approaching Rosewing?”
Ditzy taps a hoof on the table as she looks over the paper. “Our best bet is for you to work undercover and get into her good graces. You know, get her trust you and allow you to get close. You’re going to want to watch for any signs that might indicate that she’s trying to milk you for information. Something as innocuous as asking when your birthday is can mean the world.”
“And then what?”
“And then, Colonel?” Ditzy asks as she reaches underneath the table. “Then we move in and find the concrete evidence we need through any means necessary.”
Ditzy pulls a box out and places it on the table, sliding it towards you with a little smile. “Put this on. I’m going to teach you everything you need to know about o.p.s.”
Opening up the box, you feel your cheeks grow warm as you pull out the black, skin tight suit. “Ummm... This is nice and all, but it’s really not my size.”
“One size fits all, Colonel.”
Looking back down at the stealth suit, you look back to Ditzy with a coy smile. “It’s not my color?”
“Colonel...”
“Fine! Fine! I’ll wear the damned bondage suit...” you say as you grab it. “I swear though if you tell me this thing comes with a ball gag or whip, I’m quitting right now.”
“Oh come now, Colonel,” she says as you duck around a corner to change. “I wouldn’t be so crass as to include a ball gag or even a whip... I keep those things safe at home.”
“What?!?” you yell, tripping yourself up in the process as you pulled your back legs through the suit.
“Are you alright?” Ditzy calls out as you pick yourself up off the floor.
“I hope you’re joking,” you say as you slip your forehooves through the right holes. “Cause I don’t think my fragile heart can take any more surprises today.”
“I was just trying to lighten the mood.”
Zipping up the front of the suit, you take a deep breath and walk up to her. “You have a funny way of doing it...” you grumble as you shift uneasily. “Is this thing supposed to be this tight?”
“Yes, they’re designed streamline the agent’s body and allow them to move unhindered,” Ditzy says as she makes her way towards the cellar exit.
“Wait, who designed these things?” you ask curiously.
“Princess Celestia herself, actually.”
“Oh, well that explains it...” you groan as you tug at the suit incessantly.
Ditzy turns to you in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ll tell you when I’m retired again,” you say with a sigh as you make your way up the stairs. “Now come on, let’s get onto training and you better not stare at my ass!”
“Too late for that...” Ditzy mumbles under her breath.
“What was that?” you call down.
“Nothing, let’s start with some basic exercises and go from there, shall we?”
“You can do this... You can do this...” you chant under your breath. “It’s just like being on the monkey bars in elementary school...”
Leaping towards one branch, you start to lose your balance, sending you into silent panic before you finally straighten yourself out and let out a sigh of relief. Oh who the hell are you fooling... This is nuts! you think as you run a hoof through your mane. Why in the wide world of Equestria am I even doing this?
“Think fast!”
You turn to the source of the voice and watch as a flash of black and a pair of teeth bear their way down on you.
All you can do is stare in dumbstruck horror as they get closer... before the entire world turns upside down and you hear a heavy thud.
“Owwwww... That hurt...” Looking down, you see Ditzy rubbing her head as she sits on the branch below you. She gathers herself and looks up to you with a smile. “Well color me impressed, Colonel... What made you think to do that?”
It takes a few moments for you to orient yourself finally realize the obvious. “Umm... You know, I really, really wish that was done on purpose so I could look like a great strategist...” you say as you shift around, your hooves still clinging to the branch as you dangle upside down. “But it just sort of... happened.”
Ditzy’s smile slowly fades until she lets out a heavy sigh. “Well, at least you’re being honest about the whole thing.” She looks down at you and cocks an eyebrow as you continue to hang there. “So... How long are you going to be hanging around?”
“Oh hardy har har... I would let go if I could, but this stupid suit is caught on the bark of the branch or something,” you say as you tug at it, making the whole branch wobble. “I can’t rip this thing, either... Can I get hoof here?”
“Why don’t you just free yourself and drop down?” Ditzy asks as she sits down on the branch.
You shoot Ditzy a look and roll your eyes. “Oh, brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that? Oh wait, this suit is made of some sort of magic fabric that’s about as strong as kevlar and even then, I can’t drop down safely because somepony bound my wings.”
“Colonel, how do you expect to get any experience moving through harsh terrain if you can’t even free yourself without the use of your wings? I mean, I went the extra mile and bound myself as well. Surely, if I can do it that you should have no problem,” she says in an almost mocking tone. “But honestly, if you can’t figure it out, then I don’t know what to do with you.”
Gritting your teeth, you hold back some of the harsh words you wanted to hurl her way and instead get an idea in your head. Taking a deep breath, you start shaking the branch as violently as you can. You hear a gasp from above and feel yourself smile as you watch Ditzy cling to the branch in surprise. “What are you doing?” she asks angrily, doing her best to hide an embarrassed blush.
“Not so easy now, is it? I bet your first reaction was the same as mine. You wanted to take off the minute you couldn’t find your balance,” you say with a little chuckle. “Now come on and give me a hoof, I’m seriously stuck and I can’t unstick myself.”
Ditzy gives you a scowl and turns her nose up to you. “I don’t have to do anything... But tell you what,” she says as she gets to her hooves. “I’ll leave you here to think about your situation and if you manage to free yourself before daybreak, I promise I’ll treat you to a breakfast you won’t ever forget. See you later Colonel~”
Oh no you don’t...
Shaking the branch harder than before, you do your best to knock Ditzy off of her hooves again before she can bound off, but instead, there’s a loud crack followed by a bounce that wasn’t caused by you.
“Uh oh... I think-”
That was about all you could get out before the branch you both stood on gave way and send you tumbling towards the forest floor with Ditzy hot on your heels. You bounce off the grass and feel the wind get knocked out of you. You look up just in time to watch Ditzy fall towards you, flailing for anything to grab onto. In almost instant, you realize just what part of her is going to fall onto you and where, but all you can do is just look up, watch, and brace yourself.
Of course... Just. my. luck.
Ditzy lands on your face and you feel your head bounce off the ground and see a mix of stars and something that made you turn bright red. Groaning aloud, you place your hooves on Ditzy’s flank and shove her backwards and off of your face before sitting up, doing your best to catch your breath. Panting aloud, you rub at your sides and try to turn to Ditzy.
“Are... Are you okay?” you wheeze out. “Are you... Are you hurt?”
“Just my pride...” Ditzy mumbles under her breath. Slowly, she gets up to her hooves and dusts herself off before helping you up.
“This. This never happened,” she barks out with a heavy blush. “This isn’t going in my report and if you tell anyone, I’m going to deny it.”
“Yeah... I uh... I think that’s a good idea,” you say as you stretch, trying to work the kink out of your back, now your turn to hide just how embarrassed you were. “Just... umm... Just out of curiosity, how would you even word something like that? ‘Impromptu gynecological exam’?”
Ditzy’s eyes go wide and her entire face goes red. “THAT! YOU! I-WHY?!? Why would you call it that?” she asks indignantly, stomping her hooves down. “Of all things... Why?!?”
“What, too tasteless? I thought it worked, considering how little to the imagination these suits leave. I mean, if you change your mind and do end up putting it in a report, you could also try ‘period of extended facesitting’ or ‘accidental cunnilin-”
“Colonel. Why are you doing this to me?” she asks as she drags a hoof down her face, trying to hide a look of pure humiliation. “Just... Why?”
“It’s because I’m hurting all over, I’m embarrassed as all hell, and I’d rather be laughing right now than awkwardly walking back with you in complete silence, so let me just have this, okay?” you ask as you turn your back to her. “Now let’s head back to the barn so we can patch ourselves up and I can get this damned suit off. I swear to gods above, this thing has gotten so intimate with me, I would be rude if I didn’t buy it dinner.” You punctuate your statement with a tug at the thigh of your suit in some vain hope that it would get rid of the wedgie you’ve been suffering from all night.
For a while, Ditzy’s completely quiet and you think, just for a second, that you really screwed up this time.
Ohhh shit... Why do I have a feeling this is going to be boot camp all over aga-
“Pffffft...”
Turning around slowly, you look back and don’t see an angry mare as you had dreaded, but instead watch as Ditzy does her best not to completely break down laughing by keeping her hooves clamped around her mouth.
“Like, seriously. Are you not feeling what I’m feeling? This suit is giving me a prostate exam and if it keeps creeping along at this rate, it’s going to go from urologist to dentist in no time flat.”
Ditzy’s eyes tear up for just a second and it’s painfully obvious she can’t hold it back anymore and starts clutching her stomach, bellowing out with laughter until you find yourself laughing aloud with her.
“Ohhhh....Ohhh my gosh...” she gasps out, wiping away a tear from her eye. “I haven’t laughed like that since-”
Ditzy clears her throat and gets to her hooves, trying best not break out with a case of the giggles. “W-Well... I’m glad that’s all sorted. Shall we-”
“Yeah, let’s go take care of any bumps or bruises we got first, then we’ll umm... What we doing next?” you ask with a shrug. “After this movement training, you didn’t really say what we’d do after.”
“After? Oh! Yes, right,” she says, clearing her throat and trying to regain her composure. “We’ll go over Rosewing’s background. Where she’s living, her current occupation, any habits. Tomorrow, you’ll try and get close to her and learn anything that you can.”
“So, you’re going to let me play spy now?” you ask with a giddy smile. Realizing how you must look, you put on a straight face and clear your throat. “And by play, I mean act as a professional acting under the Princesses. Yeah, that’s what I meant.”
Ditzy shoots you a glance and laughs under her breath before you both fall silent as you make your way back to the barn.
“You know, I think I might just end up filing a report after all,” Ditzy finally says, breaking the silence.
“Oh? And just how are you going to word what happened? Because I’m still stumped.”
“Skull density test,” she says while trying to keep a straight face, but failing.
“Skull density? What? You mean to tell me you’d put in a report how you decided to test just how thick my skull was?”
“Yes.”
“With your flank?”
“That’s right.”
You do your best not start laughing again, but you just can’t help it and soon Ditzy’s laughing with you. “Ohhh wow... Just imagine the look on the Princess’ face if she read a report like that...”
“Oh my gosh, that would be priceless...” Ditzy says as she trots ahead with the key to the cellar door. “She’d probably think I’d gone mad...”
Letting out a long sigh, you help her open the cellar door and make your way down. “Alright, alright... We’ve had our fun, now let’s get down to brass tacks, shall we?”
Ditzy gives you a nod as she slips out of her stealth suit. “Yeah, we’ve messed around enough... We need to have some sort of briefing now so you know everything you’re going to need to know about the target.”
“And what are you going to be doing while I’m tailing a filly who may or may not be a changeling?”
“You’ll see,” she says with a smile.
Grabbing at the zipper and pulling it down on your stealth suit, something hits you. “Hey, didn’t you say that if I got myself free before sunrise that you’d treat me to breakfast?”
Ditzy freezes and rubs her forehoof nervously. “Honestly, I thought you had forgotten that after the fall,” she mumbles. “But well... technically-”
“Technically, I got myself free before sunrise. You never said how I was supposed to get free or if you had to be gone first, you just said I had to get myself free,” you say with a self satisfied grin. “Are you seriously going to back down from your promise?”
“...Fine, you got me,” she says with a sigh of defeat. “Stop by my home at around 6:30. And if you’re going to be eating with us, I at least expect you to help a bit.”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” you say with a smile as you pull your stealth suit off, sighing in relief. “Ohhh so much better...”
“Oh, Colonel. You’ve got a cut on the back of your neck. Here, let me get the medicine box...” she says before grabbing a large box from a top the filing cabinet. “It’s just dirty and you don’t-”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve seen ponies walk off with smaller wounds who thought they were fine. Those ones usually end up in the hospital with an infection about half a week later,” you say with a chuckle. Pushing your mane aside, you face your back to Ditzy. “Thanks.”
“It’s no problem, I’m used to playing nurse... My littlest one likes to get into all sorts of trouble, she says before letting out sigh. “It kinda makes me worry...”
“Especially with a changeling lurking around the town,” you say solemnly, flinching a bit as you feel antiseptic touch your skin. “A pony really has to be careful with something like tha- I’m... Aww crap. Listen to me, Mr. Negativity. Sorry, I’m not saying anything to make it better.”
“No, no... I’m worried about that, too. I’ve given my kids the ‘stranger danger’ talk and even taught them how to protect themselves and what to do in an emergency, but...” she says with a heavy sigh. “I still have a little heart attack anytime they’re a few minutes late home from school. Does that make me... well, overprotective?”
“Nah, it just means you're a good mom. Hell, I remember when my mother used to just tell me to come back home in one piece and without any STDs,” you say with a laugh. “And that was it.”
“Well, things were easier back then.”
You let out a deep sigh and sit down on your haunches. “Way to make me feel my age,” you say, forcing a smile.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I mean... I just...”
“It’s fine,” you say, waving a hoof. “Now come on, we were supposed to be talking about this Rosewing. Know anything about her?”
You get to your hooves after you feel the adhesive bandage stick and take a seat at the table while Ditzy rummages through her filing cabinet.
“Well, where do you want start?” she asks as she holds up a manilla envelope with Rosewing’s name on it. “I’ve got a file on her and everypony she associates herself with.”
You give her a shrug and reach out for it. “Let’s start at the top and work our way down... Rosewing, age 19. Born in Trottingham, moved to Cloudsdale for extended period before finally settling down here in Ponyville and setting up a flower shop.”
“Kind of odd for a pony who sells flowers for a living to want to be a firefighter,” Ditzy notes.
“Just about as odd as a mailmare who does wetwork,” you say with a little chuckle under your breath.
“Used to. Just brought in again because of the circumstances.”
You shoot Ditzy a look. “Used to? What do you mean?”
“I was officially retired,” she says with a small sigh. “I really wanted to turn down this mission and just... stay a mailmare. A mother. But you know what’s at stake. If I had said no, I’d never be able to live with myself.”
You nod slowly. “Yeah... I’m in the same boat, sister. But I guess you already know all about that from my file, huh?”
“Actually, I was never told about your reasons for delaying your retirement. To be honest, I’m curious about the whole thing.” Ditzy says as she takes the file from you. “But I’m not going to force you tell me.”
“Well, if you must know... I lost a good friend. This changeling got him and I feel like I owe him,” you say, leaning back in your chair. “It’s the least I could do.”
Ditzy smiles and nods slowly before she furrows her brow. “Wait a minute... This is odd. Rosewing moved her stall around three days ago from Apricot Lane to Central Square.”
“What’s so bad about that?” you ask, rolling your shoulders.
“Colonel, if you were a changeling and wanted to observe your prey, wouldn’t you like to be where they gather the most?”
“Well wait, let’s not jump the gun here... Central Square is the main town square, right? Wouldn’t it make sense for someone owning a market stall to want to get to the busiest place in town? What if she just wants more customers?”
“Well, yes, that does make sense, but there’s only one problem. Apricot Lane is where everypony goes to buy anything garden related, be it flowers, fruits, or vegetables. If you’ve got a stall in Apricot Lane, then you don’t need to worry about attracting customers,” she says as she bites her lip. “I remember because my friend Carrot Top wouldn’t stop going on about getting a spot there.”
“Then why would Rosewing move her stall? Did somepony force her out?”
Again, Ditzy shakes her head. “Not unless somepony had something to hold over her head... But still, this all smacks of something deeper going on that we need to find out. I’ll get a hold of some contacts and see if they know what’s going on.”
“Contacts?”
“Well... More like the local gossipers. But still, they’re just about as good as a contact with how forthcoming they are about the goings on in Ponyville,” she says with a little giggle. “As for you, Colonel... I think it would be smart if you started becoming a customer of Rosewing’s. It’ll give you an excuse to talk to her on a regular basis.”
You let out a long breath and slump back in your chair. “Well, that’s sort of a good idea. Except what am I going to do with... what does she sell again? Flowers?” You tap a hoof against the table, thinking it over. “Well... I could always put them around the post office. Better than just throwing them away, at least.”
Glancing at the clock on the wall, you let out a yawn. “Well would you look at the time... Can I be as forward as to ask for us to call it a night? I’m not as spritely as I used to be and my bedtime was about... Oh, three hours ago.”
“Yes, go ahead... I’ll see you tomorrow morning Colonel,” Ditzy says as you get to your hooves. “I’ll see you tomorrow, 6:30 sharp.”
You let out another yawn and nod. “You can count on it. See ya tomorrow.”
Making your way up the stairs, you give Ditzy a final wave before trotting off into the general direction of Ponyville, flinching a bit as you feel your knees and back throb in pain. Gonna take me a muscle relaxer and sleep like a baby tonight
A cacophony of electronic screeching and beeping jolts you awake and sends you scrambling to your hooves.
“I’m up, I’m up!” you yell out as you roll out of bed. “You stupid little...”
Grabbing ahold of your alarm clock, you look at it through eyes that were still half asleep for the off button. After failing to locate one, you pull the alarm clock and its plug out of the wall and toss it aside.
“I miss sleeping in...” you grumble under your breath as you stagger towards the bathroom. Stepping in front of the bathroom mirror, you start your daily routine.
First the eye drops for my chronic dry-eye... Then my blood pressure medication... a painkiller for my aching back... Okay, next, a shower, brush my teeth, get dressed and head over to Ditzy’s place.
Climbing into the bathtub, you turn the water on and jump back when you realize it’s ice cold, but feel a little better now that you were more or less awake. Facing the shower head, you let the warming water fall over you and take away all your aches and pains.
Ohhh, this is nice... you think with a smile as the steam starts to fill the bathroom. When I finally do retire, I’m getting myself a hot tub.
You let out a long sigh and close your eyes for just a second, but quickly open them again. “No, can’t fall asleep again.” Grabbing a bottle of shampoo, you squirt some into your hoof and lather it into your mane. “If I’m late for her breakfast, she’s gonna have my hide...”
Keeping that in mind, you rush through the rest of your daily rituals and slip on a jacket and flat cap before walking out the front door.
“Alright! Gotta open the post office up at around 9-ish... Remember, 9 o’clock,” you say under your breath. “9 o’clock, 9 o’clock...”
Locking the door, you make your way into the streets of Ponyville, flinching a bit as you feel your back tighten up.
That pain killer can’t kick in soon enough... you think as you grit your teeth and smile at another pony walking by.
“Alright... 221 Lilly Lane. This is the place,” you mutter under your breath as you walk up to the front porch of the modest looking home. Rapping your hoof against the door, you take a step back and wait for an answer. It takes a few minutes, but the door finally opens and a magenta unicorn peeks her head out, looking to you with a plastic smile.
“Ummm... Whatever it is, we really don’t need what you’re selling,” she says with a sheepish smile before slowly closing the door.
You knock on the door again. “Hey, will you bother to hear what I have to say before you close the door in my face? I’m a friend of your mother’s. I don’t know if she said anything, but-”
The door opens again and the mare nods quickly. “Oh, you’re that guy! Yeah, uh, my mom said you’d be stopping by... Hey mom!” she calls out to the house.
“Yes?” a voice yells back.
“Your friend’s here!”
“I’ll be right there, just one second...”
Sure enough, Ditzy comes trotting up to the door and gives you a little grin. “Well heya boss! Great you could make it! Hey Amethyst, can you go keep an eye on the pancakes for a moment? I need to have a word wit-”
“Say no more, I got it.” Amethyst says before walking off.
“Oh, and don’t forget to wake up your sister!”
“I will!”
Ditzy’s smile seems to change from one of happiness to amusement. “Well look at you... Mr. Big Shot manager... Not only do you look the part now, but you even managed to be here on time. Gold star, Colonel.”
You roll your eyes and step into Ditzy's house, making sure to wipe your hooves before going any further. “Do you have to call me boss? I honestly don’t like it...”
“Well fine then, Flare Chaser... I was just showing you some respect. Now, why don’t you go wash up and help Amethyst. We still need to crack some eggs for the omelettes,” Ditzy says as she trots towards the backdoor. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to grab my work shirts off of the line.”
With a shrug, you take your hat off and set it on an end table before wandering into the kitchen where you find Amethyst levitating a pan and spatula into the air. “Oh come on! Why do these things keep ripping apart?” she asks angrily as she attempts to salvage what remains.
“Hey, hey! Easy now, you can’t force it... You have to use some finesse to flip a good pancake,” you say as you help her scrape the mess off of the pan.
“Well then, if you’re so smart, why don’t you do it?” Amethyst says, sticking her tongue out at you.
You shrug and move in front of the oven, grabbing a hold of the bowl of pancake batter and pouring some into the frying pan. “Sure, I’ll do this if you can get some eggs cracked and whipped up. You mom said something about omelets.”
Grabbing a hold of the frying pan handle, you start moving it around in a circle until the batter starts to bubble and it moves freely on the pan. With one quick, fluid motion, you toss the pancake into the air and catch it in the pan. “Now look at that!” you say with toothy grin, laughing as Amethyst stares on in amazement.
“How did you do that?” she asks before setting the eggs down on the counter. “I mean, without magic? That was so cool!”
“Well, first you need to practice a bit and don’t expect to get it right the first time. But besides, that, it’s all in the reflexes.”
Amethyst watches, mystified as you keep tossing the pancakes in the air and catching them with ease. It’s just like riding a bike, you think with a goofy smile.
“Hey, didn’t your mom say something about waking up your little sister?” you ask before sliding a perfect pancake onto a nearby plate.
Amethyst’s eyes go wide and nods quickly. “Oh thanks, I almost forgot!”
“I’ll try and take care of the eggs, too,” you call out as she trots off and up the stairs.
Opening the carton of eggs, you stare at it for a few moments before gingerly picking up one and holding it between your hooves. “Okay... Okay... I got this.”
Bringing it over to the bowl, you tap it against the side, but it doesn’t break. You try again, but harder this time. Still, the egg doesn’t want to budge. This happens again and again and each time, the egg refuses to break open or even crack.
“Oh you little...”
Gritting your teeth, you bring the egg up above your head and practically smash it into the side of the bowl, making the whole thing explode in your hooves in a mix of yolk and broken eggshells. Cradling your dripping hooves, you turn to the sink and watch some of it drip onto the ground.
“Ohhh shii-”
Out of the corner of your eye, you see Amethyst standing there with a small pale violet filly standing next to her.
“Shii...Shiitake mushrooms would go really well with this omelet, if only I could crack a few eggs. Hey uh, Amethyst? Can you take care of that for me? I tried, but I can’t exactly-”
“Here, let me show you how it’s done,” Amethyst says before trotting over and levitating a few eggs into the air before almost expertly cracking them into the bowl. Rinsing off your hooves, you glance down to see the little filly unicorn staring up at you from behind a chair.
“Well hey there. What’s your name?”
“D...Dinky...” she says nervously. “Umm, you’re my mommy’s friend?”
“Oh, you don’t have to be so shy honey~” Ditzy says as she walks into the kitchen. “Flare Chaser here’s a really nice pony. Oh, I see the pancakes are coming along nicely.”
You give Ditzy a smile as you walk over to the pan and pour some new batter into it. “Yes ma’am. I used to work at a diner during the breakfast shift and I still haven’t forgotten how to flip a pancake like a pro,” you say, grinning a bit as you toss the pancake into the air and catching it.
Dinky lets out a giggle. “Ohh wow! That’s so neat! Can you flip anything else like that?”
“Ohh sure. I can flip eggs, too. But only if you like your eggs scrambled.”
It’s Ditzy’s turn to laugh and she shakes her head before opening the fridge door. “As much as I’d love to see that, I’m more in the mood for an omelet right now.”
“Oh, mom? Do we have any sheet.. Shit...wait, what were they called? Shit...Shiitake? Am I saying it right?” Amethyst asks as she glances over to you. “Flare Chaser here was talking about them.” Swallowing the lump in your throat, you see Ditzy glare at you.
“Uhh, yeah... Shiitake. Shiitake mushrooms. I like throwing them in all sorts of things,” you say with a nervous laugh. “Because... They’re great for what ails you. And go great with soy sauce.”
The kitchen goes awkwardly quiet before Amethyst speaks up. “What? Was it something I said?”
“No, not you sweetie,” Ditzy says before walking up up to you and turning on one of the burners. “Just what did you say in front of them?” she hisses at you, putting on a fake smile.
“I caught myself and made it into something else... I didn’t exactly sw-”
You stop as Amethyst trots up between you and Ditzy and sets the bowl of whipped eggs on the back of the stove. “Here are the eggs, mom. You mind if I go take my shower now?”
“Of course not. I’ll call you when breakfast is ready, okay?”
Amethyst leans up and kisses Ditzy on the cheek. “Thanks mom.”
You let out a little sigh of relief and look over your shoulder to see Dinky sitting at the table expectantly.
“You hungry?”
Dinky nods quickly. “Yeah! Can I have an omelet and some pancakes and some orange juice too please?”
“Well I don’t see why not... Do you want me to do the omelet?” you as as you step in front of the stove again.
Ditzy expression softens and she shakes her head. “No thanks. But we don’t have any orange juice, but I did pick up some oranges yesterday... Think you can juice them?”
“Sure, got something to juice ‘em?” you ask as you root around the refrigerator.
“Top shelf above the microwave, next to the sugar. I’m afraid I don’t have a fancy automatic juicer, so you’ll have to do it by hoof.”
Grabbing the orangers and the juicer itself, you roll your shoulders and set it down on the counter. “I don’t mind. Hoof squeezed orange juice tastes better anyway.”
Grabbing a nearby kitchen knife, you cut the first orange in half and start grinding it into the juicer. All the while, you feel a pair of eyes burn into the side of your face.
Glancing over, you give Dinky a weak smile as she continues to stare at you. “Need something?” you ask as you finish your first orange half.
“No, I’m just bored waiting...” she says as she kicks her legs back and forth.
“Hrmmm...” Turning your back to her, you get an idea in your head and push the orange peel into your mouth and roll your eyes back into your head while making a muffled groaning sound.
Dinky lets out a little scream before going into hysterics as you stumble around towards, making as many silly faces as you can By the time you get right up to her, her eyes are tearing up and her face is bright red. Taking the orange out of your mouth, you let Dinky catch her breath before saying anything.
“Still bored?”
“Nooo!” she yells out, all the while trying not to break down into a giggling fit again.
“Good. Now, why don’t you sit tight while we put the finishing touches on breakfast? And just remember... Good things come to those who wait.”
“And patience is a virtue,” Ditzy chimes in.
“Okaaay...” Dinky says before slumping forward. “Can you at least tell me how much longer?”
Ditzy slides the first omelet onto a plate and grabs a few pancakes before trotting up to Dinky. “Ohhh... About now.”
You lick your lips at the site and feel your stomach grumble. “Ooooh, that looks good...”
“You’ll get yours soon enough,” Ditzy says as she guides you back to the counter. “But first, you need to squeeze enough oranges for four ponies.”
“I can’t even get one pancake?” you ask with frown. “Just one?”
“Squeeze first, then you can eat,” she says before pouring more egg into the pan.
You grumble under your breath before going back to juicing. “Slave driver...”
“I’m going to want one hundred push ups before training tonight,” Ditzy whispers.
“But-”
All Ditzy has to do is give you a look you remember one of your drill sergeants giving you whenever you would argue with him and decide to shut your mouth before you got yourself into anymore trouble.
“Good. Now... Is there anything you want in your omelet, Flare?” Ditzy asks with an innocent smile. “We have cheese, tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms.”
“I’m good with just a plain omelet,” you say before tossing away another squeezed orange, filling the juicer with freshly squeezed orange juice. Grabbing a cup, you pour it out and carry it over to Dinky, who looks up to you with a smile as chews away at her breakfast.
“Mmm, thank you!” she says after swallowing a mouthful of omelet. “Mr. Flare Chaser is a really nice pony, mommy. He should come over more often.”
“I gotta agree with Dinky,” Amethyst says as she walks down the stairs, combing her mane all the while with a levitating brush. “I wouldn’t mind him stopping over for breakfast more often to hang out.”
Ditzy looks to her her children before slowly turning to you and staring. She’s quiet for a few moments before she turns back to the stove. “Well... If... If that’s how you feel. But then again, we really shouldn't trouble Mr. Chaser. I mean, he is quite a busy pony after all.”
“Well, that doesn’t mean I can’t stop by every now and again... That is, if your mother’s okay with it,” you say as you shoot Ditzy a smile. Instead of smiling back, Ditzy turns walks over to the kitchen table with another omelet and sets it down in silence.
“I can take care of the rest, Mr. Flare Chaser...” Ditzy says flatly. “Why don’t you enjoy your breakfast?”
“Are you sure? I mean, I’m almost done with the-”
“I’m sure.”
You and Ditzy stare at eachother for a while before you shrug and meander over to the kitchen table. “Well, alright... Thank you.” Grabbing a plate and a couple pancakes, you sit down with a smile and pour some syrup on them.
“You really learned that stuff at a diner?” Amethyst asks as she nibbles on her on breakfast.
“Oh yeah... I learned a lot of stuff while working at the Manehattan 80. Though, I learned the good stuff during the breakfast shift. The third shift brought me lessons I didn’t expect, but still value.”
Dinky takes a sip of orange juice and swallows a mouthful of pancake. “Like what?” she asks curiously.
“Yeah, you must have some good stories Mr. Flare Chaser. Think you can tell us one before we have to go to school?” Amethyst asks with a growing smile.
“Well... There was this one time I was working the third shift. It was around 3 AM when these really tough looking ponies walked in. Now, these guys looked like biker thugs. Piercings, jackets, tattoos... The works,” you take a bite of pancake and try your best to talk as you chew. “So. They all sit down and I expect them to start causing some trouble and just making my job that much harder for me. But, I gave them some rope and asked them what they wanted.”
By now, Dinky and Amethyst were leaning in, hooked on your every word.
“The biggest one of the lot, the guy who looked like he bench pressed 300 easy... He looks me square in the eye and says ‘Can I get some eggs, pancakes, and a slice of melon so it looks like smiley face?’. I couldn’t believe what I just heard!” you choke out, laughing aloud with Dinky and Amethyst. “And the rest of his buddies ordered stuff just like that. One guy even asked for whip cream and rainbow sprinkles. I learned that night not to judge a book by its cover. Those ‘biker thugs’ turned out to be some of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.”
“Got any more stories?” Dinky asks excitedly.
You open your mouth as you recall another funny incident while working the third shift, but Ditzy cuts you off. “You two really should hurry up and eat or you’ll be late for school. It’s already 7:30.”
The two glance over at a nearby clock and gasp. “Oh crud, you’re right...” Amethyst mutters. “Come on Dinky, let’s get a move on.”
“Maybe some other time then,” you say as Dinky glances at her food, looking rather down.
Dinky manages a smile and looking over, you smile at Ditzy, but she doesn’t smile back.
Stepping outside, you let out a long sigh and pat your belly. “Ohh wow... You were right about a breakfast I wouldn’t forget. That was great!”
Ditzy walks past you and starts her way down the road. “I’ll meet you at the post office. You should go and find Rosewing’s shop and make contact. I expect to have a full report on everything that’s said between the two of you, down to the letter.”
“I... I well... Okay,” you say rather dumbly as she walks off. “I’ll...see you there.”
Glancing around, you make your way towards the center of town.
“Now where is... Ah... There she is.”
A yellow pegasus with a bright red mane sits happily at a wooden stall, talking away to another mare. Making your way closer, you do your best to listen in on the conversation.
“And how many roses did you need? A dozen was it? Yeah, I can do that. I just need an address.”
“542 Mandrake Road. Oh, and... Make sure the roses say that it’s from ‘A special somepony’.”
“Sure thing, now... Oh! Hello sir! How may I help you?”
Rosewing smiles at you as you walk up to the stall and the other stallion walks away.
Putting on your best smile, you lean against the stall and smile. “Well hey there! ...Come on, you don’t recognize me? From the party?”
Rosewing blinks a few time before smacking her forehead. “Oh! Sorry, it’s just an early morning for me... That game of Pony Hunt went late into the night,” she says with a nervous laugh. “But good morning, Flare Chaser. Is there uh, anything you wanted? I mean, you couldn’t of stopped by just to talk to boring old me.”
“Oh don’t put yourself down just yet... But now that you mention it, I could use something to brighten up the post office,” you say as play with a nearby magnolia. “Can you recommend me something?”
“Well... Did you have anything in mind?”
“I don’t know. What I really need is a mare’s touch. So, what would you recommend?”
Rosewing taps her chin for a few moments before smiling. “Oooh, I got just the thing.”
She grabs a vase of purple flowers and holds them out. “Lilacs. They not only look pretty, but their smell can fill a whole room. I personally think they make a nice centerpiece.”
Handling the vase, you take a sniff and let out a sigh. “Oh wow, those smell good... How much for them? Vase and all?”
“7 bits. But just a word of warning... They don’t last that long after they’ve been cut. About three days. After that, they start to turn brown.”
You pull some bits out of your jacket pocket and set them down on the stall. “Oh it’s alright. I’ll just stop by again when I need some new ones,” you say as you balance the vase on your back. “Thanks Rosewing. See ya later.”
“Catch ya later, Flare Chaser!”
You can’t help but smile as you walk away with your new purchase, but not for the reason most ponies would thing. That went pretty well... Contact has been made and I even have a legitimate excuse for coming back. In three days, I’ll talk with her again. And hopefully, she’ll either be cleared... or...
You let out a heavy sigh at the thought of ‘or’ and crane your head towards the sky. You’ve killed before. If... If you really have to, you can do it again.
Somehow, that thought didn’t make things better. If anything, it made it worse.
“How lucky can one guy be? I kissed her... and she kissed me~ Like the fella once said, ain’t that a kick in the head. The room was completely black... I hugged her and she hugged back~”
Opening the door to the post office, you walk up to the front desk with a kick in your step and a smile on your face. “Like the sailor said, quote, ain’t that a hole in a boat?”
Bucking yourself up, you launch the flower pot full of lilacs that was on your back into the air and catch them in your hoof. “My head keeps spinning... I go to sleep, I keep, grinning...”
Setting the lilacs down, you lean back on the counter and smile, humming the rest of the song under your breath.
You know, I think today’s going to be a good day, you think with a big smile. I woke up a few minutes before my alarm, I had a great breakfast, and it seems Rosewing is liking me more and more with each passing day. Reminds me, I gotta write a report for-
You’re torn away from your thoughts as Ditzy and Raindrops walk through the front door. “Well good morning campers!” you say with a cheerful smile. “Sleep well? I know I did.”
Raindrops lets out a yawn and shakes her head before walking behind the counter and falling back into the chair. “No... Dumb dog next door was up all night barking at every stray leaf that passed by. Every time I fell back asleep, it started up again.”
“Well, what you need is to get some coffee in you! Recharge your batteries. Perk ya right up,” you say, jumping off of the desk. “What about you Ditzy? Want some coffee?”
Ditzy gives you a little smile and shakes her. “I had a cup before I came in today~” she says in an upbeat tone. “But thank you anyway.”
Walking into the break room, you grab the coffee pot and bring it over to the sink. “Good! We got a busy day ahead of us with Hearts and Hooves Day slowly coming up. We got a lot of packages and love letters that need to go out.” Bringing the filled pot over to the coffee machine, you turn it on and stick your head out. “So, Raindrops! You’re going to be on letter and package sorting duty today. Ditzy, you’ll be running your usual route once everything’s been sorted, but until then, I want you on the front desk.”
Walking up to the front desk again, you lean against and give them both a nod. “Other than that, just... do what comes natural.”
Raindrops lets out another yawn and gets to her hooves. “Alright... I’ll get on sorting right now. You don’t mind if I take a little break when the coffee’s done, do you?”
“Oh not at all, it’s why I put the pot on. I know what’s it like to be forced to stay on your hooves when you’re exhausted,” you say, walking over to your office door. “So take a breather when the pot is done.”
“Oh, umm... Mr. Flare Chaser?” Ditzy says, stopping you mid step. “I was wondering if I could talk to you real quick. I just wanted to ask you something.”
You open the door for her and wave a hoof. “After you.” Turning to Raindrops as she walks in, you point at the break room. “If the coffee doesn’t do it for you, then take a break halfway through the sorting. I’ll cover the other half for you so you can get some shuteye, okay?”
She gives you a weak smile and nods. “Thank you sooo much, Flare... You’re a lifesaver, I mean it.”
You give her a little wave before closing the door and turning to Ditzy. “What did you need?”
Ditzy walks over to your desk and sits herself down on it before taking a deep breath. “I think... It’s time.”
“Time? Time for what?” you ask, a hint of confusion in your voice. “What, like more training? New sex suit? Because mine is starting to really ride along the crotch.”
“No,” she says flatly. “I think it’s time for your first mission.”
You blink in surprise and sit yourself down in one of the chairs against the wall. “Wait, you mean my first spy mission? Huh. Well then, what did you have in mind? Spying?”
“Blunt as ever, Colonel... Well, I’ll get straight to the point then. We’re going to break into Rosewing’s home and perform a top to bottom search.”
“Whoa. Well... What’s brought this on all of a sudden? I mean, sure, even now I suspect that something more is going on with her, but what’s got you so convinced that you want to perform an illegal search and seizure?”
“Your reports. Rosewing not only exhibits all the signs of Changeling behavior, but she’s starting to get closer to you. Trying to... bring you into her web, so to speak,” Ditzy says before hopping down from the desk. “Do you know what I mean?”
You think for a moment and nod slowly. “I think I do... She’s invited me out to spend time with her and her friends a couple times and sometimes doesn’t want to take no for an answer.”
“And tonight is one of those nights that she claims she spends the night with her friends, leaving her house unoccupied,” she says with a smile. “That’s where you come in. I’m going to need you to perform some reconnaissance before tonight’s mission and find us an easy access point.”
“Yeah, umm, I think I can do that...” you say before running a hoof through your mane. “What’s a good access point? Just for future reference.”
Ditzy rolls her eyes and makes her way for the door. “Unlocked windows, doors without deadbolts, an unused cellar door, that sort of thing. Just think like a criminal and you’ll find it’s easy.”
“Well, it’s easy if you know how to think like a criminal...” you say before walking over to your desk and sitting down. “I’ll figure something out.”
“You better,” she says before opening the door and walking out, only to stop in front of a rather large looking stallion. She looks back to you with a nervous smile. “You umm... Have a visitor.”
The black stallion walks past Ditzy and almost slams the door behind him. “You mind telling me why you put my son on suspension?”
You let out a heavy sigh and shake your head. “Oh for crying out loud...” Looking up to him, you give the stallion a half smile. “I don’t think we’ve had the opportunity to meet each other. I’m Flare Chaser and you are-”
“I’m Lightning Bolt. Your boss.”
“Ah, yes. I wasn’t sure about either of those parts, but now my worries have been tossed aside. So!” you say, getting to your hooves. “Thunderbolt didn’t tell you just why I had to suspend him?”
“No,” Lightning says flatly. “He just told me that you had put him on suspension without pay and even extended it. Now I want you to-”
“Tell me Lightning, do you condone workplace violence?” you ask idly, playing with a few papers on your desk.
The stallion's face contorts into that of a look of confusion. “Workplace what? Just what are you getting at, Flare Chaser? If you've got something you want to say, then say it. Don't beat around the bush.”
“Oh, but I still have so many more question,” you say with a little smile. “Like hitting mares... What do you think about that? Do you like to beat mares and fillies?”
“You better watch your tone with me or-”
“I'm just asking because your son likes to and I’m wondering where he gets it from... Day one and I walked in on him attacking Ditzy. I could tell just by looking at him that this wasn't the first time he's pulled a stunt like this, so I chewed him out.”
“Hey now just because he got rough with somepony doesn’t mean he’s a violent stallion.”
Getting to your hooves, you come face to face with Lightning and stare him down. “And you know, I wouldn't doubt he's gotten away with worse, because he threw your name around when I told him he was suspended for a week. Funny, isn't it?”
By now, Lightning was grinding his teeth so hard you could see his jaw muscles tense. “It doesn't matter what he did, the punishment doesn't-”
“I'm sorry... Were you just about to say the punishment didn't fit the crime?” you ask, a hint of anger in your voice. “Because if so, then I'm getting a serious case of deja vu. Because I feel like I'm about a hair away from breaking a foot off in somepony's ass.”
“You disrespectful little bastard!” He screams out, his face bright red with rage. “That is NO way to talk to your boss!”
“AND THAT'S NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY!” You scream over him, making him shrink back a bit.
Your blood boils as you walk towards Lightning. “I don't care if Celestia herself came down here and told me to let that little shit of a kid of yours back early. I suspended him and I extended that suspension for a good reason,” you spit out, rage pouring out of you freely
Lightning starts to shrink away, but holds his ground just before he backs up into the door. Though he isn’t saying anything, he stares daggers at you as you continue to rip into him.
“I gave him a chance. I told Thunderbolt that he could come back if he apologized. You know what he told me? He told me to go screw myself. So there's another week right there as far as I'm concerned.” For a moment, you feel a smile creep across your face. But it quickly disappears when you remember that this pony can fire you if he really wanted.
Oh great... If I get fired, there goes my cover... Think fast, idiot... Chewing at your lip, you glance at the phone and feel that smile start to come back.
“You can't do that. You can't talk to me like that. Now you better do as I say and revoke his suspension or you might just have to start looking for a new job,” Lightning says, his voice dripping with anger.
“Really now?” you say as you motion towards the phone. “I wonder what the Executive Supervisor would say if I told him about this whole mess? You know, we should call him and find out.”
At first, Lightning is stoic and stands still as you start to dial, but you could almost see the color drain from his face as the phone starts to ring. “Hey come on. Le-Let's not drag Cloud Breaker into this,” he says with a nervous laugh. “He doesn't need to know.”
You roll your shoulders and hold the receiver up to your ear. “I don't know. Maybe he does. I'm sure he'd be quite interested in hearing how one of his employees is beating mare employees and that his father, the district manager, is helping sweep it under the rug.” You hold up a hoof and silence him as soon as somepony picks up on the other end.
Peppy's Pizzeria, how may I help you?
“Yes, could I speak to Cloud Breaker? I need to talk to him, it's very important.”
An audible gulp echoes through the room, before Lightning puts a hoof on your shoulder, acting like you were his friend. “C-Come on... We can work something out. Just put down the phone and we can-”
I'm sorry, there's no one here by that name...
“Oh, thank you so much. Oh sure, I can hold.”
“No, please! Just put the phone down, we can talk about this!” Lightning cries out, going into a full on panic.
Shooting him a glance, you turn back to the phone. “On second thought, I have to talk to someone first... Tell him I can call him back later.” By now, whoever answered the phone had long hung up and now you do the same.
With a wide smile, you walk over to Lightning Bolt and put a hoof around his shoulder. “Walk with me.”
“I want you to tell Thunderbolt that he's more than welcome to come back if he not only apologizes to Ditzy, but to Raindrops and myself,” you say aloud as you guide him out of the office. “And I want you to know that I don't like bullies coming in and telling me what I think is right is wrong.”
Leading him out to the streets of Ponyville, you smile and pat him on the back. “Unlike other ponies, I'm not going to roll over and put up with your shit,” you say above a whisper with a friendly smile. “No special treatment, no second chances. If Thunderbolt pulls another stunt like that, he's fired. And if you try telling me there's nothing wrong with attacking an unarmed pony, then you won’t be too far behind him. Do we understand each other?”
You can hear Lightning Bolt grind his teeth before he nods slowly. “I understand... But I hope you understand I'm not letting this go so easily.”
“Good for you!” you call out with a wide grin, waving him off as he makes his down the street. “Good luck! You'll definitely need it.”
With a sigh of relief, you walk back into the Ponyville Post Office and close the door, only to turn and see Raindrops and Ditzy stare at you in utter shock.
“How the hell did you get Lightning Bolt to crack?!?” Raindrops cries out. “I mean, seriously! I saw him walk in and I thought for sure you were going to get canned right then and there!”
“I don't know how you did it either. I mean, just what did you say to him?” Ditzy asks. “How did you talk him down?”
“I just didn't talk him down, I made sure he won't be bugging us anytime soon. And as for what I said?” you ask as you slip towards your office. “Well, everypony has their weakness. And ponies like Lightning Bolt like to act all big and tough, but even the boss has a boss. And bring him up and the house of cards fall like a stack of... dominoes.”
They both give you an odd look. “I... I think I mixed analogies there,” you say with a shrug. “But you know what I mean. Besides, I wasn’t going to roll over for a wind bag like him and let Thunderbolt come back without even a slap on the wrist after what he did.” Turning to Ditzy, you look her square in the eyes. “Especially after what he did. I promise as long as I’m here, I’m going to make sure that never happens again.”
Ditzy stares back for a few moments before turning her back to you and walking towards the other room. “Raindrops, you can have the front desk. I’ll cover the sorting. If that’s okay with you, boss.”
You blink a few times in confusion before shrugging. “Okay then... I guess she’s going off to do that,” you say as you walk back towards your office. “Raindrops, come get me if something comes up. I’ll be in my office taking care of the, uh...”
“The what?” she asks as she sits herself down, nursing her cup of coffee.
“The requisition forms?” Ditzy calls out. “Is that what you’re going to do, boss?”
You nod before slinking into your office. “Yeah. That’s it. The requisition forms. I’ll be busy. Requisition...ing.” Closing the door, you let out a long sigh and plop yourself down in your chair. “What’s got her all in a tizz? Bee in her panties?”
Letting out another exasperated sigh, you reach into the bottom drawer of your filing cabinet and pull out a sheet of letter paper, a quill, and a curious little device you found when first moving in. It strapped onto your hoof, had a hinge, and a tiny little hole just big enough for a quill. Putting it on and putting the quill into it, you dab it into some ink and start to write.
Field Log. 4-18
Approached Rosewing today with pretense of buying a new vase of lilacs. She happily brought them out and even offered a discount for being a repeat customer. Which is odd, considering I’ve only been there twice. Said that she was generous and that I was thankful for her generosity. Shortly after offering the discount, she then offered me to come with her to the bowling alley to “bowl a few rounds with her friends”. Declined, explaining I had a busy day tomorrow and needed to get up early. She said she understood and asked if we could do it some other time, responded with a maybe. Left Rosewing’s stall, traveled to the Ponyville Post Office where I met Ditzy and Raindrops shortly after. End of log.
Looking over your letter for any mistakes, you nod and fold it before slipping it into an envelope and putting Ditzy’s address on it, along with a stamp. Walking out of your office, you give Raindrops a smile and a nod before walking over to Ditzy where she busily sorted the cart full of packages and letters.
“Got another letter for ya,” you say as you toss it into the cart. “It’s for a friend.”
Ditzy glances at it for less than a second before giving you a nod and going back to work. “I’ll make sure they get it,” she says flatly. “Better get back to work, boss. We’re very busy today.”
You sigh and start to walk away, but pivot on your hooves and walk up to Ditzy again, a hair away from her. “Just what’s going on? Your personality has done a complete 180.”
“What’s got you so concerned, boss? Something wrong with me acting a little differently?”
“A little bit. Raindrops may start asking questions if she notices you’re not your usual... bubbly self. So what’s got you acting-”
“I’m fine, thanks for checking in on me boss,” Ditzy says aloud as she practically slams a package into one of the boxes. “You should probably go back and work on those requisition forms. We’re going to be really busy tonight.”
You open your mouth to say something, but stop short and sigh before turning around and walking back towards your office. Raindrops gives you a look, but turns back to the papers in front of her as you look her way.
Walking into your office again, you make sure to lock the door this time and lick your lips as you walk over to the far wall. “Popeye needs his spinach...” you mumble as you rummage around your bag. “Where did I-Aha!”
Pulling out a silver flash, you take a sip from it and let out a satisfied sigh before slipping into your chair and nursing the flask. Connemara coffee without the coffee... you think before swallowing the mouthful of whiskey. Shaking your head and coughing, you screw the top back on and stow the flask away.
“Smooth...” you choke out as you meander over to your desk. Looking at the stack of papers with some resignation, you sigh and grab the first. “Okay! Time to get to work...”
It doesn’t take long until you start regretting this job and sorely wishing you were on some faraway beach. “Requisition form after requisition form... Why the hell do I have to fill in paperwork for paper clips? Why can’t I just call these jokers up and say ‘Hey, yeah, I need paper clips. Can you send me some? Really, that be great!’ But no, all aboard the fun train coming into triplicate station...”
You can almost feel your half-full flask calling out to you, but you take a deep breath and start back in on the paperwork.
You’ve already had a drink and it’s only 11 AM. You don’t need another drink, you want one... you think with a sigh. Just get this done and over with. It’s no worse than filing in disciplinary reports or writing essays back in flight school...
Still, you find yourself yawning and rubbing at your eyes about half-way through the stack of papers.
*************************************************
Something connects with the side of your head and sends you scrambling. “Wake up.”
Gasping out and bolting upright, you look around the room. “W...What?” you ask in confusion. It’s only then you notice you had a piece of paper stuck to your face but what seemed to be drool. Prying it off, you look towards Ditzy who was looking down on you and holding a rolled up newspaper.
“It’s past time to lock up. Raindrops already clocked out, the sun has just gone down, and you haven’t done reconnaissance. I thought you were at least doing something constructive, yet here I find you sleeping.”
You glance towards the door and blink a few times, your head still feeling hazy from just being woken up. “How’d you get in?”
With a heavy sigh, Ditzy places an envelope on the desk and turns around. “I picked the lock. Now put that on and meet me outside. The mission is going forward as planned. We’re just going to have to find a way in on the fly.”
You try to open your mouth and stop her, but Ditzy’s already out the door and out of sight. “Okay then...” Opening the envelope she gave you, you pull out two tiny devices. One that looked like a hearing aid and another that was small and had a sticky side. With shrug, you gently put the hearing aid in, only to tense up as a high pitched ringing fills your ears.
“SON OF A-”
“Oh, sorry Colonel... I had to do a soundcheck.”
You look around for Ditzy for a moment before it finally hits you. “Ditzy?”
“Place the transmitter at the base of your throat. Otherwise I won’t be able to hear you.”
Looking to the other little device in your hooves you guess is the transmitter she was talking about, you obey and press the sticky side to your throat and put it there, quite pleased that it not only stuck, but was hidden by your coat.
“Okay, can you hear me?”
“Too loud!” Ditzy cries out, making your own ears ring. “You don’t need to talk at a normal tone, it’s right next to your vocal cords... Just whisper.”
“Oh... Um... Is this good?” you ask, making sure to talk just below a whisper.
“Yes. Now, lock up the post office and wait outside for further instructions.”
You couldn’t help but feel a little giddy after hearing that ‘wait for further instructions’ line. Oh wow... I feel like I’m in a 007 movie... you think with a goofy smile as you walk outside of the post office, locking the door behind you.
“Wipe that stupid look off your face.”
You take on a more serious tone, your eyes darting around. “Ditzy? Where are you?”
“I’m watching you.”
“Well that’s not creepy at all...”
“I thought it’d be better if I served as a lookout. Now make your way towards Rosewing’s house. And try to look relaxed. You look like you’re constipated.”
Doing your best to put on a relaxed face, you walk down the streets of Ponyville, passing by all the ponies currently heading home and off to bed.
“Good. You actually look like you belong in the crowd. Now, you’re approaching Rosewing’s house. The lights are out. Don’t stop, just keep walking past it. But look for any entry points. Tell me what you see.”
Your eyes drift up and down the building. At first, you don’t see anything that could be helpful. The front and back door looked closed, the windows look like they had a latch, and there wasn’t any cellar. But your gaze stops and lingers on the second floor as memories of your childhood come flooding back. “She has one of those balconies with the wooden doors like my grandmother used to have.”
“I don’t see how that’s supposed to help our current-”
“No, listen. I used to sneak into her house on her birthday and surprise her. She never knew how, but the doors on the balcony didn’t have an actual lock, it was just a clasp. I jimmied it open with a library card.”
For a while, Ditzy’s silent. Turning the corner, you walk down the street with your back to Rosewing’s home.
“Do you have library card?” Ditzy finally asks.
You can’t help but smile for a brief moment. “Not exactly, but I got something that could work all the same.”
“Alright. There’s a park bench to your left with a newspaper left on it. Sit down and start to read it.”
“Why? Why can’t we just-”
“Because there’s too many ponies around still. If someone sees you up there, then the mission will have failed and we’ll scare off the Changeling.”
You shrug and walk over to the park bench Ditzy was talking about and sit yourself down. “Makes sense...” you say before idly glancing at the latest news stories.
“Now maybe you can answer a question for me, Colonel... Just why were you sleeping on the job?”
“You really want to talk about that now?” you ask, pretending to flip the page of the newspaper.
“If we have to wait? Yes. I hate silence.”
You remain quiet for a few moments, just to bug her before letting out a sigh. “You forget I’m old. I’m not as spritely as I used to be and geezers like me get tired.”
“You’re not old, you’re-”
“Ditzy... When I was a kid, Moby Dick was a minnow. I’m old. Let’s not sugar coat it and just drop it.”
“Colonel, please. You’re not-”
“Just... Just drop it, okay?” you say, crumpling up the newspaper. “I don’t wanna talk about this. Now, is here anypony else around Rosewing’s place right now?”
“There are a few more ponies leaving, but it looks clear. But Colonel you-”
“I said to drop it. I’ll make my way up above the clouds and I’ll come down on Rosewing’s balcony. Over and out.”
A heavy sigh from the other side echoes through your ears as you make you nonchalantly take off, soaring above the clouds. “Fine. But just listen to me for a second. A light just came on across the street on the second floor. Just wait a few minutes first.”
You blink a few times in surprise as you settle down on the clouds. “Huh. Okay then... So, that’s what you meant before I said ‘drop it’? You weren’t trying to pressure me or force me to say anything?”
“No, of course not. If somepony says to ‘drop it’, I drop it. No point in trying to force a conversation to happen. What makes you think I was going to?”
“The ex-wife. She didn’t know when to stop hammering on me to have conversations I just didn’t want to. I guess I’ve kinda gotten used to it. So, thanks.”
“The light’s gone out... And I’m pretty sure I just heard a toilet flush. If you’re going to make your move, do it now.”
Getting to your hooves without a word, you tuck in your wings and slip through the clouds, diving towards the balcony. Extending your wings just a few feet from the balcony floor, you use them to soften your landing and touchdown with a soft thud. You smile for a moment, but it quickly disappears.
“Wait, you heard that pony’s toilet flush? How were you that close? Where are you?”
“Well, I was on that pony’s roof but now I’m next door.”
Glancing around, you catch a flash of grey and crack a smile. “And now you’re perched on somepony’s chimney... But is that a smart idea?”
“We only have to worry about other pegasi... Most ponies though are just as scared to look up as they are to look down.”
“No, I meant perching on the chimney,” you say as you uncrumple the newspaper you still held. “There’s a good chance you could break it.”
“Are you saying I’m fat?”
You let out a tired sigh as you grip the handle of the balcony door. “No, of course not.” You try to turn the handle, but it stays still and there’s no lock on it that you can see. “I’m just saying that chimneys aren’t the most safest thing to perch on. So just be careful and watch my back, I think I can get this door open.”
“Whatever you say, Colonel...” Ditzy hisses out. “Try not make too much noise when breaking in. Don’t want the police coming by, after all.”
Jimmying open the lock, you step into what looks like Rosewing’s bedroom. “There you go again...” you mumble as you walk across the floor. “Just what... Huh. That’s weird.”
“What? What’s going on?”
“I found a safe,” you say flatly, looking it up and down. “Well, found is too generous... It’s hard to miss. Pretty big.”
Ditzy lets out a tired sigh. “I wish you could actually describe something concisely... What are its dimensions in meters?”
“Uhh Meters? Um, well... I have no idea to be honest. It’s just... big.” Reaching out, you grab the handle to the safe and give it a tug.
“Alright then, better question... Could it hold a fully grown pony?”
Looking over the safe, you feel your heart drop and nod dumbly. “Ohhhh yeah... It’s about... It’s about pony size,” you say, tugging again at the handle. “And it’s locked.”
“Well open it then,” Ditzy barks over the radio. “Once you’ve cracked the safe-”
“Excuse me? Crack the safe?” you ask, throwing your hooves up. “How am I supposed to crack a safe? I’m not even entirely sure how they work!”
You can almost feel Ditzy’s judging gaze fall on you as she lets out a heavy sigh and mumbles something. “New training starts tomorrow. Lock picking and safe cracking. We start at 3 AM. But for now, sit tight and make sure to keep the balcony door open.”
Glancing over to the door, you crack it open and stand near the wall. A few seconds later, Ditzy glides in and you shut the door behind her. “Sorry for not knowing how to crack a safe, but it wasn’t exactly something covered in basic training,” you say as you follow her over to the safe. “Now just how-”
“Just give me some space and let me work,” she says before placing an ear to the safe. “I’ll have this open in less than a minute...”
You watch as Ditzy plays with the dial of the safe, turning it fast, slow, and stopping every now and again to repeat the process. Leaning against the door to Rosewing’s room, you cross your hooves and sit in silence for a few seconds. Then a minute. Then five.
“Didn’t you say you’d have this open in less than a minute?” you ask through a yawn.
“Oh shut up... Like you can do any better. At least I can-”
A thump from behind the door you leant on sends your racing. Ditzy looks to you, her eyes wide as she just stares. Another thump echoes through the room.
“Oh darn it... Did I lock the door again?”
“That was Rosewing...” Ditzy says with a complete look of shock. “What’s she doing here?”
Acting quickly, you reach down and lock the door before slowly moving off of it.
“We got to get out of here,” you say as you run towards the door as quickly and quietly as possible.
Ditzy’s hot on your heels and pushes against you, trying to shove through the doorway.“You don’t have to tell me twice...”
Grabbing a hold of the balcony doors, you yank them, but they stay in place.
“Oh come on... Are you serious?” you ask, your heart pounding in your ears. You pull on them again, but they stay completely still. “They won’t open!” Taking a deep breath, you back up a bit and get ready to charge. “I’m going to break them.”
“You can’t break the doors!” Ditzy hisses out. “If she sees that somepony was here, our cover will be blow and if she really is the changeling, she’ll-”
The sound of a key sliding into the lock sends you into a fit of panic as you look for some way out. Your eyes meet with the closet and in an instant, you grab a hold of Ditzy and rush towards it.
“What are you-”
In one quick, smooth motion, you race towards the closet, throw her inside, and duck in with her before closing the door, just as you hear Rosewing’s door open.
You squirm around the enclosed space, trying to find more room but are left disappointed when you realize the closet was only big enough for one pony; or two if they were squeezed together.
In the dark of the closet, you can make out an angry look on Ditzy’s face as she leers at you. “I can’t believe you did that... Now look what you’ve done. She’s going to find us!”
Bringing a hoof up to your mouth, you focus on the other room and let out a little sigh of relief when you hear the squeaking sound of a box spring mattress and a TV turning on. “Everything’s fine... It’s fine,” you say nervously as you try to back yourself up and give Ditzy some room. “She’ll be leaving to go meet her friends at the bowling alley and-”
“Good evening folks, you’ve just tuned into the Sci-Fi channel where we’ll be playing all of your favorite monster movies! That’s right, from Frankenstein to the Mummy and even The Creature from the Black Lagoon, we’ll be playing a marathon all night long!”
“Please tell me I didn’t just hear that,” Ditzy says as she drags a hoof down her face. “Please tell me she’ll leave soon and she’s not going to watch the entire marathon...”
“Oooh, I’m going to need popcorn!”
“Oh yeah, she’s gonna...” you say with a heavy sigh. “Wait. She’s going to make popcorn. I’ll make a break for it and try to get the doors open again. Once they’re open, we’ll make a break for it.”
You hear the box spring squeak again and close your eyes, tracking her hoofsteps across the floor and wait until the door closes before opening it.
Running over to the balcony doors again, you yank and push them, but they still won’t budge. Gritting your teeth in rage, you look over to Ditzy who was poking her head out of the closet. “I don’t know what to do!” you say as you throw your hooves up in frustration. “They just won’t open, they-”
The sound of hoofsteps coming up the stairs again shuts you up and makes you race for the closet again, ducking inside and shutting the door.
“I think we’re going to be stuck here for a while...” you say with a sigh of defeat.
Ditzy gives you a look and slaps her forehead. “Ya think?”
“Okay, gonna let that cook...” you hear Rosewing say as she settles back down on the bed. “And sit back and enjoy myself.”
“I don’t get it...” Ditzy mumbles as she tries to move away from you. “She was so adamant about having friends and doing things with them. Why isn’t she going out with them?”
“Maybe their plans fell through and nobody could make it... And why are you all twitchy and shifting?”
“Because I don’t like small places...” she mumbles out. “I just want to get out of here and-Ah!”
Ditzy gasps out and you put a hoof over her mouth and stop her from making any more noise. “Be quiet! What’s gotten into you? She’ll hear us!”
“Your knee,” she says as she pries your hoof off her mouth, blushing deeply. “Quit doing that.”
Looking down, you swallow the lump in your throat as you realize just what she meant by ‘Your knee’.
“Oh dear gods above...” you say as you bring a hoof to your brow in shame. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...”
Turning your back to Ditzy and pressing your stomach against the closet wall, you let out a heavy sigh and shake your head. Just how can this get any worse?
“Three hours,” Ditzy says under her breath, her words just dripping with irritation. “Three movies in three hours. And three hours of her talking to the TV...”
“Don’t go in there! It’s hiding in the rafters, I know it!”
“Well... Look on the bright side,” you say with a weak smile. “At least she has good taste in movies.”
Ditzy’s face scrunches up and her eyes dig into you. “You better have not been just sitting here listening to the movie, rather than trying to figure a way out of here.”
“Of course not. I’ve been doing both. What do you think I’ve been doing?”
Instead of answering, Ditzy wiggles, trying to make more room. “Can you move back any more, Colonel? This is way too close for comfort...”
“I really wish I could, but my back’s to the wall. So unless you want me to knock it down...”
Letting out a heavy sigh, Ditzy slumped back against the wall and put her hooves on your chest, trying to push you back another inch or two.
“Well I need to do something... Everything is starting to cramp up,” she grumbles. Taking her hooves off of you, she starts to twist around.
“What are you doing?” You hiss, nearly catching an elbow to the face.
Ditzy stays quiet until she has her back to you and her stomach pressed to the other wall. “There... That’s a little better, I guess. Now Colonel, I- What’s wrong?”
Your whole face felt like it was on fire. “Turn around, turn around, turn around...” Biting onto your hoof and closing your eyes, you tense up and try to focus as you cross and uncross your legs.
Don’t think about what she’s currently rubbing against you and how it’s soft and squeezable and - NOTHINKABOUTSOMETHINGELSE! Flight school! Drinking sour milk! The way Honeydew would scream at you for coming home a few minutes late! The time Celestia called you into her room and she had the bridle and whip and-
Letting out a ragged breath, you open your eyes and give Ditzy a strained smile. “You currently have me in a VERY awkward situation, Miss Doo. You see, while I’m a gentlecolt, I’m still a stallion. And if you keep rubbing up against me like that, then the call of the wild is going to get even louder. So please... Turn around.”
Ditzy’s eyes go wide and her jaw drops before quickly spinning around and burying her face in her hooves. “This is the most humiliating thing that’s ever happened to me...” she mumbles aloud as she slowly slips down, looking like she wanted to curl up into a ball.
Grabbing a hold of her shoulders and yanking her back to her back legs before she can get too low, you stare into her eyes with a strained look on your face. “Now I gotta wonder if you’re doing this on purpose,” you say in a low tone. “Just... Help me here. What should we do? How are we going to get out of here?”
Ditzy’s expression starts to harden and in the dark, you can make out a glare in her eyes that makes your throat go dry.
“So...” you say above a whisper. “Any ideas?”
“We wouldn’t be in this situation if you could just get that damnable door open... I mean, how hard is it to—”
Putting a hoof up to Ditzy’s mouth and stopping her, you get an inch away from her face. “Right now, the last thing we need to do is play the blame game. You can use me as a punching bag all you like after we get out of here.”
Ditzy’s expression softens until she nods and takes a much needed breath. “Alright... Alright, you’re right. There are more important things right now.” Leaning against the side of the closet, Ditzy bites at her lip and bounces her leg up and down. “We just need a distraction... Get her out of the room for long enough.”
You and Ditzy both grow very quiet as you rack your brain for some sort of answer. After what feels like ages, you slump against the wall as well and shrug.
“I’ve got nothing... I mean, it’s not like we’re ventriloquists. We can’t just throw our voice and... Why are you looking at me like that?”
Ditzy smiles from ear to ear before she suddenly reaches out and grabs you by the shoulders. “Colonel, I could just kiss you right now.”
“Okay, but no tongue.”
Her smile quickly disappears before she lets go and reaches out and grabs onto your ear. “Way to ruin the moment,” Ditzy says flatly as she pulls off your micro-receiver. Holding it in front of your face, her smile slowly returns as she messes with a slider on it. “We aren’t ventriloquists... But we can still throw our voice.”
You start grinning like a madpony as it finally hits you. “Ohhhh... Clever.”
Your smile disappears as you watch Ditzy shuffle around and bring her face to the floor, leaving her other end quite close to your face.
“I just need to slip it underneath... And then... Maybe if I’m lucky...” Taking a deep lung full of air, she starts to blow on receiver and out of the corner of your eye you watch the tiny device disappear under the crack of the door.
“Just need to get it far enough and hope she doesn’t see... Well... I can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing.”
“What? What happened?” you ask, looking up to the ceiling. “Also, can you stand up please? This is getting awkward again...”
Getting back to her hooves, Ditzy shoots you a look before rolling her shoulders. “I got the receiver to roll out about 4 feet out before it fell between the floorboards. We won’t be getting it back anytime soon, but she won’t be finding it either. Now all we can do is hope she hears this.”
Bringing her hoof to her transmitter, Ditzy starts to tap on it hard. “Come on... Take the bait...”
From the other side of the door, it was faint but distinct. A low, heavy thud. “Knock knock, Rosewing...” Ditzy whispers under her breath. “You have a visitor at the door...”
From the other side of the door, underneath the sound of the movie and Rosewing’s commentary, you hear a series of thuds that sound almost like somepony knocking on the door.
“The minute she leaves, we bolt for the door. And you can open it if it’s so easy.” You say with a little smile. “Now come on... Just answer the damned door...”
For the next ten minutes, Ditzy taps on the transmitter and the knocking sound does everything except get Rosewing’s attention. At one point, you hear Rosewing let out a long sigh before turning the volume up on her TV.
“What is wrong with her?” Ditzy moans out as she rests her head against the wall. “She had to have heard it by now. Give me your transmitter I’m gonna-Are you even listening?”
Craning an ear to the door, you bring a hoof up to your mouth and listen carefully. “I know this movie,” you finally mumble. “It’s about a creature that moves through the walls, ceilings, and floorboards before slipping out and attack ponies.”
“Colonel...” Ditzy starts, her eyes burning into the side of your face while you continue to listen in. “If you are seriously more focused on a movie more than our freedom then I’m afraid I’m going to have to give away our position when I’m done pummel-”
“No, listen... Scary movies have a pretty weird effect on some ponies, trust me I know. It’s gotta be like, 2 AM. She’s tired. She’s not thinking straight. All she’s focused on are these monster movies... So I’m gonna use that. Now gimmie that transmitter.”
Taking the little device from Ditzy, you bring it to your mouth and try to get in the right mindset.
“What are you doing?”
Letting out a tired sigh, you turn to Ditzy with an annoyed look on your face. “Giving her a reason to get out of the room. Now be quiet and lemme try to put on my best Wallcrawler impression...”
“Wallcrawler?”
Ignoring her, you take another deep breath and start to make a skittering, insect like noise with a few scratches against the floorboards for good measure. You do it as loud as you’re comfortable with and keep doing it right up until the lights come on.
“H-Hello?”
Rosewing’s voice quivers and wavers slightly as she starts to walk around the room.
Yeah, that’s it... Get scared. Get really scared.
Ditzy shoots you a glance as you hold stock still, a worried look in her eye. As soon as the lights turn back off, you waste no time and go back to making the noise. As soon as you start back up, Rosewing lets out a startled yelp.
“Come on you little sucker... I got a squirt gun filled with bleach, all ready to melt your sorry ass!”
“Wait... Vigiliance used bleach to hurt the thing... I-” Rosewing goes quiet for a second before taking a deep breath. “No. Stop... Get a hold of yourself,” she says, standing right under the transmitter. “There’s no such thing as-”
Not wasting the opportunity, you make the sound of the wall crawler again and Rosewing jumps before screaming at the top of her lungs. “BLEACH! BLEACH! I NEED BLEACH!”
In less than a second, you hear her barrel out of her room.
“Go, go, go!” you hiss aloud, opening the door as soon as you hear the bedroom door slam. “Get the balcony door open!”
Moving over to the bedroom door itself, you lock it quickly and turn back to Ditzy. “Can you get it open?”
“It’s the latch,” she says with a worried look. “It’s stuck.”
“Told you it wasn’t my fault...” Walking up to the door, you grab a hold of the latch and try to force it open. “Damnit... If I just had something to-”
No sooner than the words leave your mouth, Ditzy leaves your side and disappears for only a few seconds.
“Get out of the way,” Ditzy says as she pushes you out of the way, brandishing what looked like a butter knife. In one quick motion, she shoves it in and forces it up and does the latch. “Great! Now-”
“Make sure to put that back where you found it,” you say as you walk out onto the balcony. “No traces, right?”
Ditzy looks to the knife she held and nods before tiptoeing over to the nightstand and dropping it onto the plate as carefully as she could before nudging it a few times.
You linger for a moment on the balcony, watching her put the knife back, only to take off when you see her walking towards you.
Going up higher and higher with Ditzy hot on your heels, you break through the clouds and collapse on them with a relieved sigh.
“Oh my gosh... I... I can’t believe that actually worked!” you say with a wide grin.
Ditzy soon joins your side and smiles back. “Yeah, I mean... I seriously thought she was going to find us there when the lights came on!” she says, panting aloud. “What... What made you think to do that, anyway?”
You roll your shoulders and give her a bashful smile. “I... I saw the movie a couple years back. I heard something and freaked out. At least she didn’t do what I did...”
“Oh? And what did you do, Colonel?”
“I, uh... I locked the doors and windows and spent the rest of the night clutching a baseball bat. Not my proudest moment, but I was drunk and sleep deprived at the time.”
Ditzy starts to giggle, but it soon softens and she goes back to her stony, professional expression. “Well... This has been quite the night. I’ll be heading home now, Colonel. I’ll be writing my field report and I expect you to do the same.”
You give her a mock salute and get to your hooves slowly. “Will do... Sleep well, okay angel? We really — What? What’s with the look?”
“What did you just call me?” she asks, her voice sound stern and authoritative.
“I, uh... I called you Angel...” You say with a little nervous laugh. “I’m sorry, I-”
She steps forward and jabs a hoof into your shoulder. “Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that.”
Ditzy starts to flap her wings and just as as she leaves the cloud, you call out to her.
“Why? Something wrong? Come on, what did I do?”
She stops midair and turns back to you. “No, there’s nothing wrong. Just don’t do it, okay?”
Ditzy starts to take off again and starts making her way home and for a second, you think about leaving it at that and going back home yourself. But instead, you shoot off after and start flying by her side.
“Wha-”
“You wanna know how I ended up divorced?” you ask idly as you fly next to her.
Ditzy remains quiet and instead looks off to the side. “Not particularly, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me anyway...”
“It’s because Honeydew never told me when something was wrong. She acted like I was supposed to know.” You couldn’t hold your anger back anymore and your voice got louder, matching your frustration. “Like there was some sort of book I should have read that’d let me know what ‘Nothing’ meant when I asked ‘What’s wrong’. Now the last thing I want is a repeat performance. Now tell me what’s wrong.”
“What’s wrong with what?” Ditzy asks, slowing down a bit before stopping at a nearby cloud.
“With everything!” you cry out. “First, you nearly bite my head off after breakfast, then you treat me like I kicked a bag of puppies after Lightning Bolt left and now... And now I just want to know why you’re so damned mad at me! Did I break protocol? Was I unprofessional? What did I do?!?”
The entire time, Ditzy shakes her head until she whips around and bares her teeth at you. “I told you. Nothing. Is. WRONG.”
You and her just stand there, staring at each other until you finally let out a long, frustrated breath and throw your hooves up in the air. “You know what? I’m done. I’ve tried to be nice. I’ve tried to reach out.”
Ditzy turns her back to you and you resist the urge to raise your voice and instead let out a low growl.
“And I’ve done this dance one too many times and there’s no way I’m doing it again. Have a nice night, ma’am. I’ll have your report done by morning. Now if you’ll excuse me, I got a Changeling to catch”
“Wait, Colonel what are-”
With a flap of your wings, you take off into the night and speed home, vaguely hearing Ditzy call out to you as fly out of sight.
Are all mares like this? I may not be the smartest pony out there, but I know when something’s wrong. Why can’t I ever ask ‘What’s wrong?’ and get a straight answer?
The more you think about it, the angrier you get until you're speeding towards the post office as fast as you can.
Grumbling under your breath and walking up to the post office, you almost throw the door off of its hinges before slamming it and locking the deadbolt.
“I need a snort of something strong...” It crosses your mind to head to the local bar, but the clock on the far wall told you how bad of an idea that was. You perk up however when you remember what you brought with you.
Heading up the stairs and opening the door to your personal bedroom, you start hunting around for your rucksack and smile as you lay eyes on it.
“Get over here, ya little...” Hauling it onto the bed, you pour the contents of it out and start rummaging through clothes, notebooks, and all the other stuff you brought with you. “I know have it here, just wh — Aha!”
Grabbing up the bottle of ‘Cloud Hill’ bourbon you were saving for a special occasion, you pry the top off but feel a pang of regret as you stand there holding it.
Damn... Planned to drink this with Trapper after I got the changeling bastard... Licking your lips and walking down the stairs, you go against putting the cork back on. Well I’m not about to let it go to waste.
“Here’s to you, buddy...” you say as you walk into the community breakroom, looking for something to use as a glass. Settling for a mug that was big enough and read ‘Number 1 Mom’ on the side, you pour the contents of the bottle into it and let out a sigh of relief as the smell hits your nose.
“I’ll pick up something even better, Trapper.” You say aloud before knocking back half the glass. “Cause I know you love-... You loved this kind of stuff.”
Shaking your head and walking back to your bedroom, you collapse back into your bed, pushing the contents of your backpack onto the ground and making yourself comfortable.
“Don’t need Ditz... If she wants to be angry at me and shit all over the mission, then I don’t want anything to do with her.” Throwing back your head and downing the last of the bourbon in the mug, you sit up in bed and smile. “I’ll do this all by myself if I have to.”
You nod slowly and feel your smile grow wider. “Yeah. I’ve always been a lone wolf out in the field. I can do this, no problem.”
Reaching down and grabbing one of the notebooks and a pen, you start to make some notes.
Okay... Seems like Rosewing’s in the clear. If she was a changeling, it would have been apparent when we were there and she thought she was alone. She would have done something. Anything really. But she seems clean. So who does that leave? Those two ponies... One I saw at the party. Starburst. And then the other, Comet Tail.
You start jotting down everything you can remember about Starburst, from his eye color to the way he talked. Half way through it, you feel the bourbon start to leave you feeling warm and fuzzy.
“Okay... Drink and work, not my brightest idea,” you say aloud as your bed starts feeling more and more inviting. Picking up the pen again, you put it to paper and steel yourself. “Just gotta focus. Just gotta...”
You blink a few times and lay back in the bed, pen in your mouth, as the night’s activities caught up with you and mixed with the alcohol. Just five minutes...
The sound of the alarm clock going off startles you awake and sends you into a choking fit. Grabbing your throat and gasping aloud, you lean forward and cough once more, only to watch the pen you had in your mouth last night sail out of your mouth and onto the sheets.
Staring at it for a couple seconds, it finally hits you. “Well... That’ll teach me not to do that again,” you say dumbly as you catch your breath.
Getting to your hooves and standing on the cold floor, you glance at the clock and grumble. “Great. Got like... 10 minutes to get ready and open.”
It doesn’t take long until you’re in the community break room again and putting in a couple pieces of bread into the toaster and wandering towards the bathroom.
Just what every growing stallion needs to start the day... A hangover that’s not strong enough to knock you on your ass, but enough to give you a headache.
Throwing some water into your face and mane, you try to make yourself look somewhat presentable before smiling into the mirror. “Okay... Not as good as a shower, but at least I don’t look like death rolled over anymore,” you say with a little laugh as you turn the water off.
Off in the distance, you hear the toaster go off, prompting you to jog back towards the break room. At least I can eat... Need to keep my energy up if I’m going to be tailing these last two ponies.
Grabbing your toast and chewing it down as you walk up to the door, you unlock the deadbolt and open the door. “Hello world, what do you ha-” you stop short as Raindrops walks by looking half awake. “Wait, you’re not the world. You okay Raindrops?”
Raindrops shakes her head and walks up to the coffeepot. “It’s my other neighbor this time... She started screaming at like 2 in the morning and freaking out. She kept screaming about a monster or something.”
“Really?” you ask, flipping the coffeemaker open and grabbing the old grounds. “What, was she screaming about the headless horse or something?” You stop dead for just a split second as the coffee grounds tumble into the bin. Wait... There’s no way she lives next door to-
“No,” the exhausted looking mare says as she plops herself down in one of the break room chairs. “She was screaming something about a crawler on the wall or something.”
You purse your lips and let out a little sigh. “Well... Sorry you couldn’t get a good night’s sleep,” you say with a shrug. “After that big hump of letters and packages, all we got are the stragglers trying to get those last minute letters out before Hearts and Hooves day.”
Another great staple of any morning breakfast... Guilt. Like she doesn’t already have a hard time sleeping.
“Well, there’s that at least,” Raindrops says with a stifled yawn. “It was a pain to get everything out and mailed, but it’s really calmed down now. I — Oh, hey Ditzy!”
You tighten your jaw slightly as Ditzy walks into the break room, mirroring the same tired and annoyed expression you wore. “Coffee...” she half mumbles. As she opens the cabinet, you can’t help but feel your throat go a little dry when she reaches for the empty spot where the mug you took was and is now sitting in your personal room.
This days just keeps getting better and better...
“Where’s my mug?” she asks, her voice a mix of confusion and annoyance.
“When’s the last time you had it, Miss Doo?” you ask idly as you make your way out. “Cause I’d check there.”
You hear her scoff aloud. “It’s kind of why I’m looking in the cabinet.”
“Well I don’t use it,” Raindrops says as she pours some fresh coffee into the pot. “It’s not in the sink?”
You leave the two to figure out the mystery of the missing mug while you make your way into the sorting area. Just gotta figure out where these two ponies live... Shouldn’t be that hard if I just think. I’ll check the P.O. Boxes first and if they don’t have one, I’ll keep my eyes peeled for their letters.
Looking over the number of cubbies, some with letters, some without, you start pulling letters out quickly and giving them a glance over. “Sprocket, Cherry Pop, Charcoal, Patchy... Cosmic, Daisy...” You pull out one letter and stop when you find the name you’re looking for. Comet Tail. 653 Walnut Way... You look through the couple letters and notification he’s got a package Got an address now, I-
“Colonel, just what are you doing now?”
Your heart leaps into your chest and you whip around to find yourself face to face with Ditzy. “I’m currently thinking about calling an ambulance...” you pant out as you put the letter back. “Give a guy a warning, why don’t ya?”
You start to walk away when Ditzy gives a smaller startle this time by standing in your way. “I’m serious. What are you doing?”
“Well... If you must know, I’m just trying to find out where Comet Tail lives. He’s the next pony I’m looking into.”
“We never agreed to investigating Comet Tail,” Ditzy says, her eyes narrowing. “And we still haven’t cleared Rosewing.”
“Rosewing was home alone, to her knowledge, and she didn’t slip up. Nothing that even hinted at the fact she was a changeling.” You try to walk past her, but Ditzy doesn’t relent and gets back in your path.
“That’s true, but that doesn’t eliminate her completely.”
“But it gives me enough doubt to back off for now and split up my effort so I can take a look at those other suspects. And I don’t need your help. I can do this by myself if it’s so hard for you to work with me.”
Ditzy’s jaw drops before she scowls at you. “I can work with you. And you need my help.”
You feel your jaw tighten and you let out a low, annoyed sigh before turning to Ditzy and putting on a plastic smile. “I appreciate your help, Miss Doo but it’s not required... And it’s not in your job description. You’re just here as my handler, not my trainer.”
You pick up the pace slightly and make your way back into the main room.
“You can’t do that! Please, just-”
“Flare can’t do what?” Raindrops asks as she pokes her head up from behind the desk. She shoots you a worried look and leans forward. “Boss, c’mon... Tell me you’re not putting us on longer shifts because we’re a few hooves short...”
“Well Raindrops, there is that possibility,” you say with a small nod. “Thunderbolt has yet to apologize to the staff, so we have to look at one of two courses of action. One, we increase shifts to cover for the lack of staff or we hire fresh meat.”
Raindrops gives you a little look before smiling. “I like the second one better. See Ditz? He’s not all bad. Let him finish before you jump to conclusions.”
Ditzy stands there, a stunned look on her face. “I, uh...”
“Yeah, Miss Doo... You really should trust me before going off on me.”
You could practically hear her teeth grind in irritation as you walk away with a smile on your face.
“I’ll-I’ll keep that in mind,” Ditzy says with a forced smile. “I’ll be in the back room if you need me, boss.”
“What’s gotten into her?” Raindrops half whispers as she walks away.
You lean in close to her before whispering back. “I think it’s that time of the month...”
Staying right near Raindrops, you can’t help but smile at your stroke of luck.
Don’t have to worry about Ditzy as long as Raindrops is close by...
Staring out the window as the day crawled by, you couldn’t help but yawn out in boredom. “Slow day...” you mumble aloud. “I was expecting at least a line.”
Raindrops nods in agreement. “And here I was worried about us having our shifts lengthened... I could write my memoirs with all this free time.”
“So, Boss...” Ditzy says as she wanders up to the desk. “Letters are sorted and I’m about to head out and deliver the mid-morning mail. Is there anything else you need me to do before I go?”
You give her a quick shrug and shake your head. “No, you’re good. I’ll see you in a bit.”
You feel Ditzy’s eyes burn into you, knowing she’s just looking for any excuse to drag you away. Not in the mood for another argument... Can’t ya take the hint?
“Alright then... I’ll see you in a bit.”
Just as Ditzy walks away, your eyes catch a flash of yellow out the window. Straining your neck, you watch a stallion that looked just like Comet Tail trot along with a smile on his face.
Getting to your hooves, you make your way for the door. “Heading out for a bit Raindrops. Hold down the fort, okay?” Slipping out quickly, you hear her call out from inside.
“Uhh.... Okay...” She says cautiously. “Where ya going?”
You open the door again and stick your head inside. “Donuts.”
Raindrops’ eyes light up. “Can you get me a chocolate eclair?”
“Will do!”
Trotting out into the streets of Ponyville, you do your best to act as nonchalant as possible while keeping Comet Tail in your sights. Nothing special today... Just getting an idea of where he goes. Hell, talk him up if you can.
You continue to follow him through the streets, ducking in-between ponies and staying hot on his tail. “Okay... Now where are ya going?” you ask under your breath.
You start passing by a number of shops and what look like pubs, all of which Comet Tail seems to ignore. That is, until his eyes light up when looks at a bar called “The Trotting Grounds”.
What the... It’s like, 10 AM... You look over to the clocktower in the distance to double check before your face scrunches up in confusion. I don’t even drink this early. Something’s up. I gotta go in there and find out—
“Keep walking.”
A shiver goes down your spine and you jump slightly, only managing to stifle a cry of surprise when you recognize the voice.
“Ditzy? What the hell are you—”
“I said keep walking and act natural. Just listen to me.”
You open your mouth to protest, but Ditzy cuts you off. “So Flare, you’ve been in Ponyville for a little while now... What do you think of it so far?”
“Well, uh...” you start, clearing your throat. “It’s really nice, I gotta say. A nice trade for all the hustle and bustle of Canterlot. Nice and calm.”
“Ohhh, that’s good to hear~” Ditzy’s voice sounded upbeat and happy, but you can tell there was something wrong underneath it. “Say, why don’t we stop by the cafe real quick before I go back on route?”
“S-Sure... I’ll buy.”
You keep your mouth shut as she leads you to a little outdoor patio where a number of stallions and mares sit at their own tables, sipping at drinks or just talking. Sitting down at the table, you hardly have a second to get a word out before Ditzy starts into you.
“I seriously hoped you were joking when you said you were going to do this on your own... Do you have any idea what you’re doing?”
You grit your teeth and stare right into her eyes. “I was following a suspected changeling subversive through the streets of Ponyville and I was about to—”
“You were about to walk into one of Ponyville’s gay bars,” Ditzy deadpans. “You do know that was a gay bar, right?”
Your mouth hangs open for a few seconds and you blink a few times. You try to find something to say, but all you can do is shake your head in confusion. “What?”
Ditzy rolls her eyes and takes a deep breath before pointing her hoof at the bar Comet Tail walked into. “The Trotting Grounds is one of Ponyville’s gay bars, along with The Cantering Colt and The Winking Mare. If you bothered to read Comet Tail’s file, you would have known—”
“I get it, I get it...” you say with a small blush. “I was about to walk into a situation where every stallion there would either take a keen interest in me or know I didn’t belong there.”
“And then Comet Tail, if he is the changeling, would know that somepony was on to him,” she adds. “Which means you could have blown the whole mission.”
You run a hoof down your face and lean back in your chair. “Yeah, well... If you would just work with me instead of making things harder, then-”
“How am I making things harder?” Ditzy snaps, her gaze growing cold. “I’m just—”
“You’re just pushing me away, telling me that there’s nothing wrong and letting that come between us and the mission,” you finish for her. Ditzy’s expression softens and her eyes shift down to the ground. “It’s hard to think you can trust somepony when they’re obviously hiding something. That’s why if I can’t trust you, then I gotta face down the changeling myself.”
You get to your hooves, but she reaches out and stops you short. “Wait! I...” Ditzy swallows audibly and lets out a long sigh. “I’ll... I’ll tell you okay? Just don’t go.”
Your brow bunches up as you stare at the now visibly shaken mare. “How bad is this?” you ask as you sit down. “If I can help, I’ll—”
“Just... Shut up, okay?” she says sharply. “I... I, well... You told me how you got divorced. You haven’t asked yet, but... Ever wonder where my husband is?”
“Well... Now that you mention it...”
“He’s dead.”
The two of you go silent and your throat goes dry. “I, uh... Jeez... I’m so—”
“Don’t say anything, okay? Don’t apologize, just listen to me...” Ditzy stares at you, leaning in close. “Giggles... He was... He was an amazing pony. He knew just what to say to make you laugh, he was great with kids and became a devoted father when our first child was born. And to top it all off, he’d go above and beyond to help me when I needed it the most... And still, he called me his ‘Angel’.”
The realization hits you and twists your guts into knots until you were holding your head in your hooves. “Aww crap... and I called you ‘angel’ and I... Aww hell, I must look like an ass to you...”
Ditzy shakes her head. “No... That’s not the problem... Just keep listening, okay?”
Swallowing the lump in your throat, you look up to her and nod.
“Well... The real thing that made everything so... hard was when you took so well to my little ones... And it was like Giggles was right there again. But you aren’t him and I just can’t...” With another long sigh, Ditzy wipes at her eyes and sniffles. “Sorry... It’s just... Can you imagine why I’ve been acting the way I have now? When I have my late husband to think about and a new stallion entering my kid’s lives?”
You nod slowly and grab one of the napkins on the table and hold it out for her. “Yeah. I’d be a little pissed too if I was in your horseshoes...”
“No, no, no...” Ditzy says as she shakes her head. “I’m not ‘pissed’... I’m just... I don’t know what to do, okay? I’m not going to lie, I enjoy your company and I’d love to have you over for breakfast again, but I can’t help but feel like I’m betraying him. Like I’m letting a strange stallion into his house and—”
“Don’t.” Reaching out, you stop her before she can work herself up any further. “You don’t need to have me in your life if you don’t want to. We can keep this relationship purely professional if you want.”
“I... I appreciate your understanding, Colonel.”
Ditzy’s gaze drifts down to the tear-stained napkin she held in her hooves before looking back up to you. “Can I... Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Go ahead. It’s the least I could.”
“Well...” she starts, balling the napkin she held nervously. “What if you died while you were still together with Honeydew? And in whatever afterlife that’s planned for us, you saw her with a new stallion... How’d that make you feel?”
You blow out a long breath of air before running your hooves through your mane. “Well... That’s a toughy. I don’t think I’d be able to answer that... I don’t feel the same way about Honeydew anymore. So let me ask you this: What did Giggles want for you? In a few words, what did he hope to do for you?”
Ditzy blushes and shakes her head. “I... I don’t know... For me to be happy, I guess?”
“Well there ya go... Not the answer to your question but was it what you were looking for?”
“I... I really don’t know... Colonel? Listen... I don’t want you going off on your own, okay?” she asks, a hint of worry in her voice. “I can work with you. And you can trust me.”
You can’t help but smile as you get to your hooves. “Same goes for me. Now let’s get back to the post office, okay? Oh, and we gotta pick up some donuts or Raindrops will get suspicious.”
“Right behind you,” Ditzy says before smiling mischievously. “And then maybe I can tell her how you almost wandered into a gay bar...”
You feel your cheeks redden slightly. “Hey, I didn’t almost wander in... And how do you know about all the gay bars in Ponyville?”
It was Ditzy’s turn to blush. “Uh... My friend Carrot Top... She tells me about her weekends and... She took me to the Trotting Grounds once.”
“Oh! So you get to tease me about walking by the gay bar after you were the one who went inside it!”
“Hey! It’s not like I was trolling for mares in there! I was just enjoying a drink or two there bou-” She closes her mouth and turns even redder.
“Oh my gosh... Did somepony buy you a drink?”
“It’s not like that!” she cries out, looking absolutely red. “They were just being nice and-”
Leaning in, you bring your mouth to Ditzy’s ear. “And they wanted to get you in their bed...”
She stands there, absolutely dumbstruck before trotting ahead of you. “I won’t say anything if you don’t.”
“Ohh fine then... You’re no fun, you know that?”
You and her share a little laugh before you both grow really quiet.
“Did you see anything strange when you were following Comet Tail?”
“No,” you say shaking your head. “But I didn’t get that far. Nothing rules him out yet.”
“And neither Rosewing... And we still have to look into Starburst,” she says with a heavy sigh. “And not even a single lead yet...”
With a kick in your step and a song in your heart, you walk through the streets of Ponyville as Celestia’s sun just starts to peek over the horizon.
“Straaaangers in the night... Exchanging glances~ Wond’ring in the night... What were the chances... We’d be sharing love... Before the niiiiight was throoooough~”
You couldn’t help but sing out.
It’s one of those days~ you think with a wide smile. Seriously, when’s the last time I’ve woken up feeling this good?
Walking up to Sugarcube Corner, you open the door and sashay in with goofy grin towards the counter. “Love was just a glance away, a warm embracing dance away~ And-”
“Ever since that night, we’ve been together~”
You whip your head around in confusion, only to see Pinkie Pie balanced on a ladder with a roll of blue and white streamers in her hooves. “Lovers at first. In love forever... It turned out alright. For strangers in the night~”
You can’t help but smile and rear up, bring your hooves together for a little clap. “Glad to see not everypony has forgot the classics,” you say with a laugh. “So, how ya doing this morning Pinks?”
“Oh come on! Some of the best cocktail parties ever hosted had Blue Eyes as the main attraction alone. Of course I’d know of him,” she says matter-of-factly as she steps off the ladder. “And I’m good, thanks. Here for the usual?”
“Yes please.”
Following her over to the counter, Pinkie pulls a white box out from underneath it.
“Dozen doughnuts, two bits,” she says as she slides it your way.
You nod and fish the money out of your wallet and slide it towards her. “Thanks, Pinkie. See ya tomorrow.”
You take your box of doughnuts and start heading towards the door, but stop mid-stride. “Actually... You’ll be seeing me a lot sooner than that.”
Something in the tone of Pinkie’s voice sets you on edge. “Ummm... And what’s that supposed to mean?”
Pinkie smiles at you, ear from ear. “Well~ Remember our little game?”
You cock your head and your face scrunches up. “What are you talking about? What ga-” Like a ton of bricks, the memory comes back and you let out a long sigh. “Oh. Wait. That game.”
Pinkie Pie nods so quick, you think her head is gonna fly off. “Uh-huh~ I hid and nopony found me. Including you!” She punctuates the end of the sentence with an outstretched hoof that bops you on the nose. “And remember I said that you would owe me?”
You let out a long sigh and lean against the wall. “Yeah... Yeah, I remember. Welp, a bet is a bet. What’dya need me to do? Cover for you today? Run a few errands? Maybe-”
“I want you to bring a date to the charity ball!”
You blink a few times in confusion before finally shaking your head. “I’m sorry, come again? I swear you just told me to bring a date somewhere.”
“Yupperooni!” Pinkie cries out ecstatically. “It’s a little fundraiser for all the ponies in Ponyville who’ve hit a rough patch in their life! It’s to remind them that here in Ponyville, we look out for eachother and that we help one another when burdens get too tough for just one pony to handle.”
All you can manage is a single “Huh.”
“Entrance fee is one bit and we hold a five bit raffle. Winner takes home a wide assortment of baked goods prepared by myself and the Cakes!”
“I gotta say, I’m surprised. Back in... Manehattan, no pony really paid that much attention to anypony who was having a hard time. They all just sort of looked out for their own.” You roll your shoulders and let out another breathe. “Well... I guess there’s no weaseling out of this, huh?”
Pinkie stares right into your eyes and shakes her head ever so slowly. “Nope. Bet’s a bet.”
“Alright,” you say with a long sigh. “I guess I gotta find a date now, huh?”
“Oh come on Flare Chaser! Don’t look so down! I bet a stallion like you has been beating mares off with a stick since you came here.”
You feel your cheeks go a little red, but manage to keep your composure and shake your head. “Can’t say I have. But, uh... I’ll see ya at the party, whenever it is.”
Turning on your heels, you just make it to the door.
“Tonight, actually! See ya then!”
Only to freeze up and let out a groan of frustration in the doorway. “Great... Ditzy’s gonna kill me...”
You throw your head back and look into the skies as you let out another long sigh, your good mood ruined by the inevitable shouting match you were about to have.
You continued down the empty street, hearing the stirrings of each pony in Ponyville as the sun peaked over the horizon before arriving back at the Ponyville Post Office.
“Who wants doughnuts?” You call out as you step into the post office. “Hot, fresh, and most importantly, free. Well, free for you. I paid for it.”
From the break room, you see Ditzy poke her head out and smile. “Gimmie a second, just getting the coffee pot set up. Oh, Raindrops called in today. She probably won’t be in for the next few days, actually.”
You can’t help but shake your head as you step into the room and slide the doughnuts onto the table. “What’s happened to the poor mare now? Feather flu? Or is she still suffering from insomnia? I can only cover for her so much, you know. Sooner or later Lightning Bolt is going to get curious as to why I’m giving her so much time off and-”
“It’s that time of the year, Flare Chaser.”
That stopped you. “Oh,” you say simply. “Oh. Well, um, okay then. I guess I’ll be covering for her for the next few days.”
Ditzy can’t help but smirk as you shift around on your hooves. “What’s the matter? Embarrased about a mare going into her season?”
“Oh come on now, I don’t need to hear about this.” Opening up the box of doughnuts, you pull out an eclair and take a bite into it.
“You know, I’m going into season here in a few weeks. I’ll need relief.”
Your eyes nearly pop out of your head and you start coughing wildly on the piece of doughnut you almost choked on. “W-What?!?”
Ditzy gives you an odd look before blushing furiously. “That wasn’t an invitation. I’m saying I’ll need a relief to cover my shift.” She shakes her head and pours herself a cup of coffee. “Did you honestly think-”
“Hey back when I was a teenager, I got propositioned by mares in heat all the time. It was normal back then to just ask a stallion friend to buck your brains out,” you say, your cheeks now a crimson red.
“Sweet princesses above, new topic...” Ditzy groans aloud as she rubs at her forehead. “New topic now.”
“Well, uh... I know this is going to seem weird so short after that wonderful talk, but... I need a date for tonight.”
Ditzy’s head snaps up and she looks to you, her face contorted in confusion. “Come again?”
You roll your eyes and fall back into a chair behind you. “Pinkie Pie. Made a bet with her to get away from her party to...” You flash Ditzy a look and she gives you a little nod. “You know. Anyway, she said that I owed her and wants me to attend this charity ball thing. Tonight.”
With a low groan, Ditzy slumps against the wall. “Tonight? Of all nights?”
“Yeah. That’s what I thought.” Without another word, you get to your hooves and start walking towards your office, only hesitating for a moment until hearing Ditzy’s hoofsteps behind you.
Walking in, you hold the door open for her and give her a little nod before closing it.
“We have plans, Colonel.” Ditzy says sharply. “You couldn’t say no?”
“Have you ever said no to Pinkie Pie?”
Ditzy’s eyes shoot away for a second before she lets out a long sigh. “No, I haven’t. Still, we won’t have an opening like this for a while. Starburst only goes to Baritone’s home for poker once a month.”
“I know, I know,” you say, shaking your head. “I screwed up. I just wish we could turn it around or something, you know?”
“I do. But there’s not much we can do in this situation.”
“Yeah. It’s not like we can spike the punch with a truth serum and ask everypony if they’re a changeling or not.”
The room goes silent for a moment before Ditzy’s eyes meet yours. “Who says we can’t?”
“What?”
“Follow me on this one, Colonel.” Ditzy says, her smile growing bigger and bigger by the second. “The charity ball is a yearly thing and almost everypony in town attends. We know at this moment that Starburst will not be attending due to prior commitments.”
“Uh-huh...”
“But there will still be at least half of, if not three fourths of Ponyville in and around Sugarcube Corner.”
It’s all starting to click.
“If the changeling took over someone who’s a regular to this event...”
Ditzy taps her nose. “You got it. They’ll be there.”
You run a hoof down the side of your face before shrugging. “But then what? We dose everypony with truth serum? That’ll cause a lot more problems, to be honest.”
Ditzy shakes her head. “Not a truth serum. More like a potion of some kind, though. Like an alteration spell. But first, we need to get our hooves on something like that...”
Reaching into your desk, you pull out the long forgotten spell tube and hold it up to Ditzy. “Something like-Whoops.”
You look down at your foreleg and notice it’s taken on a new color: neon green.
Shrugging, you remember Doctor Dala’s instructions and give the spell tube another shake, the green quickly fading back into your original coat color. “Something like this?”
Ditzy’s doing her best not to laugh. “You are too much sometimes, Colonel.”
“Really?” You feel yourself start to smirk and give the spell tube another shake, this time giving you a vibrant pink coat. “Well come now honey~” You say in a lisping, stereotypical voice. “We can’t just dilly-dally all day, we gotta get something to find that mean old changeling and-”
Whether it was the lisp, how bright pink you were, or the little flair you did with your hoof as you said the words ‘dilly-dally’, Ditzy breaks down laughing again, holding her sides as she does her hardest to regain her composure. “O-Okay Colonel... Okay. Now all we need is somepony to-.”
Not wasting a second, you flick the spell tube again, changing your fur color to a white sheen and put on the longest, most saddest face you can muster. “Hello all you happy ponies... You know what? I’m happy, too.”
Ditzy’s cackling like a mad-mare possessed by now and all you can do is just keep going and seeing just how far you can push her. giving the spell tube another flick, your coat turns bright blue and an idea crosses your mind. Reaching into your desk, you pull out one of your old air force caps and flip it onto your head, all the while Ditzy watches you, doing her best to catch her breath.
“A-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah!” Hopping out of your chair, you take a deep breath and start bouncing from one set of legs to the other, dancing around the desk. “Ohhh I’m one tough gazooka that hates all palookas that ain’t on the up and squaaaaare~ Boy, I biffs ‘em and buffs ‘em and always outroughs ‘em and none of ‘em get nowhereee! If anyone guesses to risk my kicks, it’s buff and it’s wham undertstaaands? So keep good behavior, it’s your one life saver wi-”
Ditzy’s finally in tears. She’s laughing so hard it doesn’t even make a sound anymore as she slips out of her chair and onto the floor.
Flicking the spell tube one last time and regaining your normal coat color, you stow it away and walk over to the laughing mare.
“You okay there Ditzy? Didn’t break ya, did I?”
With a deep breath and a giggle Ditzy finally manages to get some modicum composure.
“I-I-I’m good...” She says with a giggle. “Now, uh... What was I saying?”
“Something along the lines of ‘needing somepony to-’ and then laughter.”
Ditzy’s eyes go wide and she nods. “Right, right... We need somepony to turn the spell tube into a potion.”
“What? Can’t we just, you know? Crack it open into the punch bowl or something?”
Ditzy shakes her head violently and holds up her hooves. “No, no, no! If you break that tube, it’ll cause the magic to go wild. Best case scenario? Explosion.”
You grimace slightly and run a hoof down to the lock on the drawer where the spell tube sits and turn it. “Noted. Can you prepare it or-”
“Nope. I know magical theory, but you’d need an actual unicorn to actually get it prepared.”
Clicking your teeth, you mull over Ditzy’s words for a second before smiling. “Twilight.”
“Twilight?” Ditzy asks curiously.
“Yeah. She’s supposed to have been filled in by the Princesses about what’s going on and will help us if we need her to.”
Ditzy lets out a long sigh and shrugs. “It’s our best bet at the moment. We can’t ask a random unicorn to just brew an alteration potion for us. But...”
“But?”
“But, I’m not going with you. I hope I don’t need to tell you why.”
It takes a moment, but it finally hits you. “If you were there, Twilight would know just who you really are.”
Ditzy hangs her head and sighs. “Yeah... Even though she’s an Element of Harmony, she’s still the town’s librarian I see every day around 12:30 who tutors my kids.”
Hanging your head, you let out a sigh and slink back to your desk. “You know... I can’t wait to get this whole business behind us.”
“I’m with you, Colonel. There are so many ponies who dreams of having an exciting life filled with adventure. I’ve lived that kind of life and now-”
“All you want is a nice, normal, boring life?” You finish for her. Ditzy nods and reaches up, adjusting your hat.
“I guess I’m preaching to the choir, aren’t I?”
Taking off your hat, you brush the lint off and laugh. “That you are, sister... That you are. Well, we got work to do still. Keep an eye on the front desk and I’ll get the letters sorted for the day before you have to do your rounds. Sound good?”
Ditzy gives you a half smile and nods. “That it does. After though? What are your plans?”
You give Ditzy a shrug and start making your way for the door. “Probably stop by the library and pick my library card.”
Looking up at the massive tree that was Golden Oaks Library, you crack a little smile.
Man. Been a long time since I saw Twilight. Last time was when she was... Five? Six? I don’t think she’d even remember me. Walking up to the door, you rap a hoof against it before stepping in. Still remember that little tyke’s smile as she watched Celestia scramble the Air Force.
Still smiling, you lock eyes with the purple unicorn who was currently laying on a pile of pillows with a book thick enough to be mistaken for a dictionary.
Probably is a dictionary, you think with a laugh. Wouldn’t be the first time she read one.
Clearing your throat, you get Twilight’s attention. “Oh, hello!” She says, closing her book in a hurry. “I didn’t hear you come in. Can I help you?”
You roll your shoulders and wander over to one of the bookcases and start towards one of the bookcases. “New here. Was hoping to get a library card and maybe pick up a few books. That a problem?”
Twilight shakes her head. “No, not at all.” Getting up and setting the book down, Twilight makes her way over to a desk next to the far wall and opens up one of the drawers. “What kind of books are you interested in, by the way? I didn’t get a chance to really get to know you at Pinkie Pie’s welcoming party.”
“It’s no biggie... And I got a few books in mind. Definitely want to get my hooves on White Fang.”
“Ohhh, I’ve read that one. It’s pretty grim from time to time, but it has a certain charm to it. I especially liked the ending,” she says, smiling as she pulls out a number of black cards. “Got any others?”
Taking a deep breath, you steady your gaze right into Twilight. “I’m also looking for Crepusculum Opportunus Nox Noctis.”
For a few moments, the library is silent. Twilight stands there stock still as she stares into the drawer before reaching in and pulling out a clay tablet and dropping it on the floor.
“What the...”
That’s as much as you can get out before Twilight brings her hoof down on the tablet, shattering it into pieces. A pitched buzz echoes through the library and on every wall and window, a purple rune glows on it for less than a second before disappearing.
“Right,” Twilight says as she starts walking towards you. “I just activated a number of noise dampening spells, illusion spells on the windows, and a perception filter on the door. No one’s going to hear us, anyone looking in will see two ponies going about their business, and we have no fear of anyone walking in. We have ten minutes. What do you need?”
You can’t help but blink in confusion and open your mouth a few times, only to close it.
Damn. So much for the cute little filly. Stop gaping.
“Ummm. Uh, right. I’m going to need a little help,” you say as you fumble around with your saddlebag. “You see, I need an alteration potion by tonight. I have-”
“I’m sorry, tonight?” Twilight asks, her gaze growing stronger. “I may be good, but I am in no way that good. It takes at least 48 hours to distill the spell into a liquid-”
“Which is why I brought this.” Pulling the spelltube out of your saddlebag, you present it to Twilight, who quickly stops talking. “Think you can use this?”
A purple aura starts to envelope the spelltube and it leaves your hoof, floating an inch away from Twilight’s face. “Clever... They put a resonant crystal in the liquid and they’re using alchemical silver caps to activate it.” She looks up to you, a small smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. “Yes, this will help. Are you sure you want to use this though? I’ll have to disassemble it and it’ll be useless when everything is said and done.”
You let out a sigh. “Wish I had more choice in the matter, but this is all last second. So, you can do it, right?”
“Oh yes, it won’t be too hard. I just have to undo the containment spell, extract the pure liquid and process it a bit.”
“Sweet.”
“Actually, bitter. Alteration potions taste quite bitter and leave a distinct aftertaste on the tongue and... you weren’t actually talking about the potion, were you?” You shrug and start getting your saddlebag back on.
“Not really. But hey, good to know. If the punch doesn’t cover up the taste though, I could just throw some rum in with it and blame it on that if anyone asks.”
Twilight’s eyes go wide and gets at least an inch away from your face. “Do NOT mix potions with alcohol!” she practically screams.
“Jeez, alright alright!” You say, backing up a few steps. “What’s so dangerous about mixing drinks?”
Besides the chance of waking up next to a mare you’ve never met before.
“The alcohol affects the properties of magic in the potion itself.” She says as she puts the spelltube away. “In chemistry terms, the ethanol causes the potion’s ‘enzymes’ to become denatured. But instead of no reaction, the substrates-”
“Twilight, can you bring it down for somepony who may or may have not been drafted before he could finish high school?”
Twilight freezes up and looks at you, her face a mix of shock and horror. “I, uh... Okay, well... Okay! In simplest terms, the alcohol causes the potion to take on random properties. Nothing deadly mind you, but an invisibility may end up levitating you or even change your gender.”
“Noted. Alright, anything else I need to know?” You ask as you throw your saddlebags back on.
“Nothing that comes to mind. I’ll have the potion ready in about three hours,” Twilight says with a nervous smile. “And well... If you ever want to, um... finish school I-”
You can’t help but laugh aloud. “Twilight, I said I was drafted while in high school. Got my G.E.D. after the Draconic-Equis Peace Treaty was brokered.”
Twilight nods slowly. “Ohhh... Wait. You actually fought in the New Draco-Equis war?” She asks, a look of doubt in her eyes. “You’d have to be at least-”
“Well Twilight! It’s been fun, but I really must be going.”
“But-”
“Besides, the ten minutes are up.”
Twilight perks up and takes a look around the library only to nod. “Okay then... Flare Chaser. Good luck.”
You give her a little wave and a smile and start making your way out the door of the library and into the streets of Ponyville before letting your shoulder sag. Twilights words still echo in your ears.
God, the look on her face as she was piecing it together... She almost looked...
You shake your head free of the errant thoughts and take a deep breath. “Alright! Gotta find me a date,” you say under your breath.
“I’m back!” You call out as you enter the post office. Ditzy looks up from a stack of papers on the desk and gives you a smile.
“Welcome back. Got your library card, I take it?”
You give her a shrug and kick off your saddlebag. “Twilight says she needs to get some special paper or something for the card. Hey, need your help going over requisition reports. Mind giving me a hoof?”
Ditzy shakes her head. “Not at all.”
Both you and her make your way for the back office and close the door behind you and lock it. “Alright, now how’d it really go?”
You give Ditzy a smile. “Perfect. Twilight said the potion would be ready in three hours. All I need now is to dig out my old suit and find me a date.”
Ditzy’s eyes narrow slightly. “What do you mean find a date?”
“Uhh... Like I said. I need a date for the charity ball, remember? It’s a couples thing, apparently. I’m just going to-”
“Colonel, I’m going to be your date.” Ditzy says bluntly.
“Are you sure? I mean, I thought you were gonna do your overwatch thing.”
Ditzy lets out a long sigh and gives you a tired look. “Colonel, if the changeling really is there and they’re revealed, things could get violent. They may even take a hostage. It’d be better to have the both of us on the floor than one.”
“Alright, that make sense.” You say, nodding slowly. “Soooo... Got anything pretty to wear?”
“Just what’s that supposed to mean?”
You jump slightly and hold your hooves out. “Just asking if you’re dressing up too, sheesh. I was gonna offer to buy you a dress if you didn’t have one already.”
Ditzy looks to you, surprise painting her face. “Really? I... Well, I don’t really have a good dress. I mean, I have one but I’ve only ever wore it once. That’d... I’d like that Colonel. Thank you.”
“No problem, just send an invoice my way. Now, I gotta get myself ready. Pick you up around 8 tonight? Sound good?”
“Sound’s good Colonel.” Glancing at the clock, Ditzy lets out a sigh of relief. “Time to punch out. I’ll see you then, Colonel.”
You give Ditzy a little wave as she sees herself out. Relaxing in your chair, you look up to the ceiling and smile. “We’re gonna get this bastard tonight. I just know it.”
“Alright... Let’s see. Mane greased back? Check. Suit pressed and looking quite dapper? Check. Watch? Check. Wallet? Double check. Flask... Check a check. All good.” Looking away from your reflection in the storefront window, you start making your way towards Ditzy’s house.
This is old stallion can still look good when he wants to, you think with a smile as you walk up to Ditzy’s doorstep.
You bring your hoof up to the door only to stop when it starts to open.
“Well good evening Flare Chaser, I saw you walking down the street and... What? What’s with the look?”
You’re at a loss for words. Ditzy did go out and did buy herself a new dress. An evening gown to be more specific. Long, black, and made of some sort of shimmering material that glistened in the moonlight. She didn’t just stop there, but had her mane braided and sported ruby red lipstick.
“Are you okay?”
Shaking your head and bringing yourself back to reality, you give Ditzy a nervous laugh. “Give a stallion time to pick his jaw up the floor, will ya? Not everyday a stallion has a supermodel greet him.”
“Quit joking around,” she says with a small blush, her eyes narrowing on you. “We’re going to be late for the ball.”
Without another word, Ditzy starts down the road with you hot on her heels.
“Hey, come on. I wasn’t joking, you really look good,” you say as you join her side. “I might just have to keep the other stallions off of you with a stick once we get there.”
You let out a little laugh that gets awkward when Ditzy keeps quiet.
“I, uh... I got the thing,” you say above a whisper. “We’re pretty much all set. Do you have the radio thing?”
Ditzy nods. “I already put mine in. Here’s yours.”
Reaching into the front of her dress, Ditzy pulls out a little box and holds it out to you. “Now come on.”
Opening up the box, you fumble the transmitter and receiver on while trying to keep up the pace. “Alright, so what’s the plan?”
“I thought it was pretty straightforward,” Ditzy notes, craning her head as SugarCube Corner comes into view. “Get in, spike the punch, and wait. Twilight tell you how long it’ll take for it to go in effect?”
“About an hour for full effects to be noticed, but after the first sip it’ll start doing its job.” Finally getting your transmitter on just as you approach the door, you give the door-pony a smile. “How’ya doing?”
“Doing great, you’re just in time too. We just started selling raffle tickets. Oh, and-”
“Entrance fee? Got it right here.” Reaching into your wallet, you pull out a couple of bits and give them to the door pony.
“Alright, thanks. Now go have fun!”
You give the door pony a nod and take a step into SugarCube Corner with Ditzy at your side. As soon as you step in, you immediately see a couple heads start turning and looking in your direction, some eyes fixed on you and some fixed on Ditzy.
“Why are they staring?” Ditzy asks below a whisper. “That one stallion over there’s going to start attracting flies if he gapes any harder.”
“Wait, that stallion is looking at you? Well, that makes me feel a bit better. But a bit jealous.”
Ditzy starts giggling under her breath. “What? Jealous he’s looking at me or jealous he’s not looking at you?”
“Little of column a, little of column b.” Lowering your voice, you start talking into the transmitter. “Split up now now and get a feel of the area?”
Over the receiver, Ditzy’s voice comes in clear. “Good idea.”
“Just try and act casual,” you add.
Ditzy shoots you a glance before the both of you go in opposite directions. You start moving through the rather large crowd of ponies, slipping inbetween them and trying to take in as much information as possible.
Three ponies recognized, some from the welcoming party. Small talk. No one in the corners. Nothing out of the ord-Shrimp.
Your eyes drift to one of the snack tables and actually let out a chuckle. On the table sit a number of cocktail glasses with peeled shrimp hanging off the rim and cocktail sauce in the glass itself. “Don’t mind if I do.”
Grabbing one of them, you start heading back and keep an eye out for Ditzy and find her near a table with two punch bowls sitting on it. She turns towards you, a small plastic smile on her face as a bright blue mare talks to her, which falters for a moment when she sees you.
“Hey Ditzy, how’s it going?” You ask as you throw one of the shrimp into your mouth. “Not usually one for party food, but finally found something I like.”
“Oh, I’ll tell you more later, Ditzy,” the mare says as she excuses herself.
“Alright Shoeshine, I’ll see you later.” Ditzy says, giving Shoeshine a warm smile and a little wave as she walks away before turning to you, a look of disgust on her face. “How can you eat that?”
“What, shrimp?” You ask as you pop another into your mouth. “I mean, sure they’ve got the shell and the legs, but get past those and they’re really goo-”
“No, not that. Meat. You’re eating meat. You know that, right?”
You blink a few times before nodding your head. “Yeah... What’s the-Wait a minute... You were born and raised in Ponyville, weren’t you?”
“Yes, but I don’t see why that matters.”
“I was born and raised in Cloudsdale,” you say plainly. “You were raised around earth ponies and unicorns, I was raised around pegasi and just pegasi. And one thing pegasi like to add to their diet every now and again is fish.”
Ditzy stares at you like you’re speaking another language. Shrugging, you hold out a shrimp and offer it. “Try it.”
“No thank you,” she says, pushing your hoof away.
“Oh come on. One bite? You don’t like it, you can spit it out.”
Ditzy looks away for a moment. “Why exactly do pegasi eat fish at Cloudsdale?”
“Can’t grow crops on clouds, so you gotta trade for it. Way back when though, back when my grandpa was a kid, food shortages were common, so you had to make due. Some pegasi started catching fish like the gryphons and found they actually liked it. And adding another source of protein to their diet helped them build muscle when training. It ain’t like they’re going out hunting bunnies,” you say with a laugh. “And besides, shrimp are like the bugs of the sea.”
“Oh, well that makes it sound just appetizing,” Ditzy says with a grimace.
You take the last shrimp out of the cocktail glass, add a little a sauce and hold it out to Ditzy without a word.
You and her lock eyes for a good minute before she finally sighs. “Fine. But if I get sick, it’s your fault.”
Lurching out, she wraps her teeth around the shrimp and bites off half of it, her eyes screwed shut. After a few bites, she opens her eyes and gives you a surprised look.
“Good?”
Ditzy wipes at her mouth and nods. “Really good. And... It’s okay? I mean, to just eat fish?”
“Ehh... You might get a little flak from earth ponies and unicorns who don’t know better, but it’s supposed to be common knowledge at this point about the whole Cloudsdale pegasi/fish thing.”
Ditzy leans in and tries to get the shrimp you were still holding on to, but you pull it away. “Get your own,” you tease before popping the half-eaten piece into your mouth. “They got a whole table of these.”
Her face scrunches up slightly as you chew the shrimp. “Oh you are just insufferable, Flare...” Ditzy says as she scans the room for the table in question. Looking over to the punch bowls, you give her a little nudge.
“Never thought of the possibility of two punch bowls,” you whisper over the transmitter. “I think I only got enough potion for just one.”
“You said it takes an hour for the full effects to kick in, right?” Ditzy chimes in over the radio. “Then... Dose one of the punch bowls. We’re going to need to make sure everyone gets a drink at some point.”
“Hard to do this with everyone watching us...”
“Leave that to me,” Ditzy says as she starts walking away. “Just be ready when it happens.”
“Wait, what? It? What do you mean by it?”
Ditzy doesn’t answer and instead starts walking in the direction you came from. With a heavy sigh, you lean against the table and feel around in your suit pocket for the flask. Just be ready just be ready.
Your hoof fumbles with the cap, your nerves getting the best of you as you every pony walking by you gives you a quick glance before moving on.
Off in the distance, you see Ditzy walking towards one of the snack tables and then you see it. Her gown bunching up underneath her feet. In one motion, she moves a leg only for it to be caught and sent tumbling forwards, knocking into one of the tables and sending a couple glass bottles rolling off, hitting the ground with a loud smash.
Ready ready ready.
Getting the cap off of the flask, you pull it out and hover it over one the punch bowls, only to stop as you hear somepony walking behind you. Acting nonchalantly, you tuck the flask near your barrel and start maneuvering around the table, acting like you didn’t hear the crash.
With the crowd no longer to your back, you look at the punchbowl on the right, the crowd, and then smile. Pouring the contents into the bowl as quickly as you can, you empty the flask and stow it away.
“Alright, done.” You say over the transmitter. “I spiked the punchbowl on the right. Grab a drink when you get back, I got an idea how to get everypony to drink.”
You sit back and watch as Ditzy is brought back to her hooves, dusted off and sent on her way, thanking everypony and apologizing along the way. Filling up a glass, you give her a little and start making your way towards the center of the room.
“Everypony! Everypony!” You call out, getting the attention of everyone in the room. “I’d like to make a toast, so charge your glasses!”
A murmur ripples through the crowd and in a few moments, there’s a line at the punch bowls with the biggest line at the one you spiked. “Perfect...”
In a few moments, Ditzy’s at your side and everypony has a filled glass of punch and are looking at you expectantly. Alright, bullshit time...
“I haven’t been here in Ponyville nearly as long as most of you,” you say as you hold your glass high. “But I already feel like I’m part of another family. So, here’s to everypony here who looks out for each other, for that pony there to help pick us up when we fall and to get us back on the right path. You guys and gals are the real heroes. Cheers.”
You bring your glass to your lips and throw it back, downing it all in one go. Everypony follows your cue and gives you a little round of applause when they finish. Smiling, you toss the plastic cup into the garbage can and join Ditzy’s side by the far wall. “How’d I do?”
“Very nice, Flare,” Ditzy says as she brings her cup to her lips. “Anything you’d like to do? Party’s almost in full swing.”
Clicking your teeth, you glance at the table across the room. “I was going to grab another shrimp cocktail. Did you want one?”
Ditzy lets out a little laugh. “That actually sounds very good. Thank you Flare~”
“Uh, sure.” You laugh back and start towards the table with an uneasy feeling. Jeez... What’s with that laugh? I mean, it sounded almost.
You’re jarred from your thoughts just as you walk up to the table, bumping into Pinkie Pie. “Oh heya Flare! How ya liking the party?” She asks, a platter balanced on her back with six more shrimp cocktails.
“Oh I’m enjoying myself,” you say as you grab a plate and a couple cocktails. “Especially enjoying the shrimp. Never could really afford it on my salary. Why ya serving it anyway?”
“Oh, well you can thank Dashie for that. Some of her friends were visiting from Cloudsdale and I thought I’d serve up a little something from them,” she says with a smile as she bounces the platter off of her back and on to the table.
“Well, thanks anyway Pinkie.” You start to turn and make your way back to Ditzy, but Pinkie cuts you off and puts a hoof around your shoulder.
“So just between you and me,” she says below a whisper. “Just what did you spike the punch with?”
Your throat starts closing up and all you can do is manage a startled little squeak. “W-What?”
“Oh, well I saw you pouring stuff from a flask into the punch and I thought ‘Ooooh what could be that be?’ and I was gonna ask you later, but I caught you here so I thought I’d ask.”
Think fast numb nuts. “...Yeah. Can’t blame a stallion for wanting to liven up the party. It’s just a bit of amaro. It’s a little bitter, but compliments sweet stuff pretty well.”
Pinkie nods quickly. “Oooh, that sounds good. Kind of like a sweet and sourball. I’ll have to give it a taste. The champagne probably makes it soooo much better.”
“Champagne?” You ask, your jaw dropping slightly.
“Yeeeeah...” Pinkie says with a little blush. “I had the same idea you had about 10 minutes before the party started and decided to toss a little champagne into the punch bowls. It gives it a real nice fizzy taste~”
A single word echoes through your head as it all starts to piece together. Fuck.
Clearing your throat, you take a step away from Pinkie and laugh. “Well, good to know. I guess I’ll think twice next time.”
“Ohh it’s fine!” Pinkie says, laughing back. “What’s a good party without a little spiked punch?”
“Yeah, you got me there. Welp, better get this back to Ditzy. Catch ya later, Pinkie!”
She gives you a little wave and you do your best not to show the panic on your face. “Ditzy, the mission’s FUBAR. I repeat. The mission is FUBAR, TARFU, and get ready to BOHIC.”
You wait a few seconds for some sort of response, but get none. Slipping through the crowd, you finally see Ditzy, sitting in a chair and sipping her punch with a big, dopey grin.
“Well there ya are Flare!” She says as she gets to her hooves. “Was wondering what was taking so long. Oooh~ Here, let me grab one of those.”
Grabbing one of the shrimp cocktails off your back, Ditzy lets out a chuckle and slumps back in her chair. “Need to get the taste of this punch out of my mouth...”
“Ditzy, didn’t you hear me?” You say below a whisper. “The mission is FUBAR. Pinkie spiked both punch bowls before we got here. We need to get ready for damage control and-”
“It’s fiiine,” Ditzy says as she waves a hoof at you. “I mean, what can we do? Nothing really except sit back and watch.”
Your jaw’s hanging slack at this point and that uneasy feeling you had has grown into full blown panic. “Ditzy, something’s wrong with you, you gotta-”
“Uch!” Reeling back, she holds the glass of punch out and shakes her head. “Seriously, what are they putting in this? I don’t know why I keep drinking this... Tastes like liquid dandelion greens...”
“Dandelion greens? What are you-”
Your stomach sinks into your hooves as it hits you.
Ditzy’s eyes seem to glaze over a second before she blinks rapidly. “Huh? What’dya say?”
You grab at your mane and just stop short of yanking it in frustration. “Ohhhh sweet sisters above... What punch bowl did you drink out of?” You hiss.
“Uhh... That one.” She says, pointing at one of the bowls. “I think.”
Ditzy tries to bring her drink to her mouth again, but you stop her short and yank it out of her grip.
Grabbing a hold of her and dragging the intoxicated mare to one of the back corners of the room, you sit her down and look her in the eye.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I mean you said the one on the right so I got the one on the left.”
You stared at Ditzy’s outstretched hoof in slack jawed horror.
No way. We couldn’t have screwed up. Not like this and not this bad.
You rub at your eyes and suppress the urge to groan. “Ditzy. Did you grab the one on my right or your right?”
“My right, ‘cause you were walking away from the front of the table and-”
“-And I spiked it while on other side, meaning I told you the wrong one and you’re currently under the effects of whatever this potion is now,” you mumble out with a groan. “I couldn’t have fucked this up harder if I tried.”
With your head in your hooves, you mentally kicked yourself. Could of asked Pinkie if there was anything in the punch. Could of made 100% sure Ditzy knew what bowl I meant. Could of-
You jump slightly as you feel a hoof on your back and look to see Ditzy giving you a warm smile. “Hey. Stop that. You couldn’t of known. I didn’t exactly give you much warning so, I’m just as much to blame.” She runs her hoof up and down your back, doing her best to comfort you. “Besides, it’s not that bad... Maybe the potion is just a dud, you know?”
“This... This isn’t you,” you say as you shy away from her hoof. “I mean, this really isn’t you. I... We gotta find Twilight. She’ll know what to do,” you say as you get to your hooves. “Maybe she’ll have an antidote or someth-”
“No.”
You look down to see Ditzy holding onto your hoof and staring at you with desperate eyes.
“I don’t want to go. Not yet, please.”
You let a long, tired sigh before sitting back down. “Ditzy... You’re not yourself right now. Please, we’ll-”
She holds your hoof tighter. “I understand we have a job to do but...There’s going to be a dance in a little bit. Please. Just one dance. That’s it. One dance and that’ll be it for the night.”
You could almost hear the demon and angel on your shoulders shouting at you right now.
She’s not herself, you said so! She needs to see Twilight. Maybe even a doctor! If something happens to her, it’ll be your fault because you didn’t act fast enough!
Oh come on, look at her. She looks like she’s about to start crying any second. Sure, she’s out of it at the moment, but we’re not taking her home to screw. What’s one dance going to hurt?
It’ll hurt her. And you’d never forgive herself.
She’s acting just a little drunk, she’s not bursting into flames. But fine, look into those eyes and tell her no. Just try. I dare you.
You open your mouth and stare into Ditzy’s eyes, those shimmering golden eyes of hers making every protest you were about to say die in your throat. “I-I... We...”
“Please... I just want one dance. Just one.”
Told you.
“...One dance,” you say in defeat as you sit back down. “If you start feeling sick or odd, then we’re leaving. Then afterwards, we’re going to see Twilight.”
Worse comes to worse, I can keep an eye on the crowd and do damage control if things get crazy. You glance over to Ditzy and feel everything freeze.
Ditzy’s smiling at you. And it’s a smile you’ve never seen before on her face. A smile that speaks volumes and leaves you dumbstruck.
Leaping laughing loving Luna. You know, she can be sweet when sh-
“Thank you,” she says with a whisper. “I really mean it.”
A lapse of silence between you two leaves you fidgeting in your chair awkwardly. “I’m... Gonna go get a drink. Something other than the punchbowl,” you add. “Is there anything you want?”
Ditzy looks up to you as you motion to the refreshment table and opens her mouth before closing. “No, it’s fine. Thank you, though.”
With a nod, you make your way across the party floor, weaving through ponies and catching bits and pieces of conversations.
“Did you see the new dress she...” “How’s work been? I’ve seen...”
“I’ve been doing better since the operation and...”
“Redheart are you okay?”
You perk up and glance over to a white earth pony brushing a lock of pink mane out of her hair. “Oh yeah, I’m fine... I’m more than fine Doctor Horse,” she says with a giggle. “I don’t why, I just feel... nice.”
“Oh, well that’s good,” the amber unicorn says. “I just-”
“I especially feel nice around you.”
Doctor Horse blanches. “N-Nurse? I, uh... This is highly forward of you... I mean, we’re colleagues, after all and, well...”
“We’re not at work right now,” Redheart says as she gets closer. “So don’t call me Nurse. Please, call me Red.”
Redheart was practically draping herself over the stammering unicorn and giving him what you could only describe as ‘bedroom eyes’. She knew exactly what she wanted.
Picking up the pace, you started scanning through the crowd and tried to figure out just what the altered potion was doing to everypony. Soon, you start being able to pick out what ponies were acting out.
No, it’s not a early heat thing, since it’s not just mares. That and this would be an orgy by now. With a heavy sigh, you look over the punch bowls and decide against the drinks there and instead grab a couple bottles of cola and the last shrimp cocktail.
And it’s not a love potion. It’s way too subtle. It’s gotta be some sort of attract-
“You know Davenport... I’ve never had the guts to say this before, but I’ve had it.”
You stop mid-stride and look over to see a teenage colt staring daggers at a stallion who’s starting to back up.
“Wh-What? Where’s this coming from Shady, what have I-”
“Shut up,” Shady says before throwing back his glass of punch. “You know what you’ve done. You won’t get a fucking dolly to offload your sofas and instead use me, your loyal worker to haul them around. Because of you, my back’s busted and I’m one more haul away from getting a slipped disc. Doctor said so.”
Shady jabs his hoof into Davenport’s shoulder with each word, pushing him back until he’s against the wall. “I’ve practically begged you to get one, but you’re too damned cheap! So you know what? I quit. It’s not worth it anymore.”
And with that, Shady storms towards the door leaving the group of ponies around you with slack jaws and wide eyes.
“What’s up with Shady?” A mare whispers to another. “I’ve never seen him act like that!”
“I know! He’s usually so soft spoken and quiet, that’s so unlike him...”
Well, we can pretend that wasn’t related at all. Or we can assume there’s more going on than just a weird love and or attraction potion.
Coming back to the table where you left Ditzy, her smile feeling a little bittersweet as you set down the drinks and food. As much as you loved that smile, you knew it wasn’t really hers.
And probably not really meant for me. Sitting down at the table, you look out to the crowd and start watching ponies, looking for some sign as to what was happening. Okay, maybe I’m thinking too narrow. Maybe it’s not a love potion, but something that’s affecting social s-
“Thank you.” Ditzy says as she takes her cola, snapping you from your thoughts. “You know, I told you a bit about myself not too long ago. Think you can do the same?”
“Well, I... The thing is, uh...”
Shit, lost my train of thought...
Letting out a long breath, you roll your shoulders. “There’s not much to talk about, really. You read my file, you know my story.”
“Not all the story,” Ditzy whispers as she leans in. “Things are missing here and there. Gaps.”
You give her another shrug. “Don’t know what to say. I didn’t write the file so I don’t know what’s in it.”
“Well, that’s for another time then I guess. Then what about the stallion himself? Tell me more about yourself. Tell me what you like to do for fun, what keeps you up at night or... maybe something you want to tell me you haven’t.”
You purse your lips and run a hoof down your face, wanting nothing more than to get up and away from this conversation. This ain’t gonna end well.
“Well... What I like to do? Drink, but that’s not good for me, I know. Sometimes though, I like to go out and stare at the night sky. Kinda relaxing if you do it on a warm summer night and wear bug spray,” you say with a dry laugh. Your smile disappears as you notice Ditzy hanging on to every word and remember the next question. “What keeps me up at night... Stress, I guess?”
“What are you stressed about?”
You let a deflated sigh and shrug. “A lot of things.”
“Like what?”
“Stuff I’d rather not share,” you say before sinking into your chair. “As much as I’d love to, there’s just some stuff I don’t like to talk about.”
Ditzy gives you a bit of a huff. “What was it you said not too long ago? Something about not being able to trust me and telling you when something’s wrong?”
You grimace and let out a little laugh. Shit.
“Well... You got me there. Fair is fair, I guess.” You crack open your soda and take a deep drink before leaning in close to Ditzy and staring her in the eye. “I sometimes sit up at night, beating myself up over every mistake I’ve ever done, every wrong word I’ve ever said, just remembering shit from years, sometimes decades ago. Like... ‘how could I have been stupid?’.”
“We all have regrets. I regret a lot of things, but I don’t let them eat away at me like that,” Ditzy says solemnly. “You shouldn’t either.”
You can’t help but let out a little chuckle. “And why not?”
“A joker like you needs to keep smiling and laughing. We need more ponies in the world making everyone smile,” she says with a warm smile. After a long pause and a sigh, Ditzy leans in closer. “Probably why I’ve gotten so close to you so easily.”
You raise an eyebrow. “Come again?”
“Giggles. He was once Celestia’s court jester. He put on the best shows and knew just how to put a crowd in hysterics.” She lets out an uncharacteristic giggle and shakes her head. “Even worse at home. He’d make me laugh until it hurt some days. I’d have t-”
“Alright everypony! It’s time for the best part of the night! The slow dance!”
Whipping your head around, you see Pinkie Pie on the stage with an orchestra behind her preparing their instruments. You expected a dance, but not a slow dance.
What were you expecting? The Twist? You think before running a hoof down your face.
You weren’t the best dancer in the world and could make it look like you were dancing. But a dance with structure?
“Hey, uh, Ditzy? I don’t think this is the best idea, I can’t really slow dance that well and-”
“I’ll show you, it’s not that hard,” she says with a beaming smile. “If you can run an obstacle course, you can dance with me tonight.”
You feel yourself starting to sweat bullets as you get closer to Ditzy until you’re resting your head on her shoulder and she’s doing the same. A quick glance around and you smile slightly as you realize that so far, you were doing what everypony else was doing.
It isn’t until Ditzy starts moving that you start to panic internally so you force yourself to take a deep breath to steady yourself.
Okay, okay, just watch her hooves and do what she does. Isn’t that hard.
You keep your eyes glued to the ground and imitate Ditzy’s steps, smiling a little bit as you feel a bit more confident.
“Colonel...” Ditzy whispers into your ear. “You have to lead.”
You blink a few times and slow down just a tad. “Lead? Uhh... How exactly?”
Ditzy stops and pulls back slightly, giving you an odd look. “Do you not know anything about dancing?”
“Uh, yeah no.” You let out a nervous chuckle. “Always been told I’ve had four left hooves. Didn’t even dance at my own wedding.”
She stares at you with a look of shock and disbelief before taking a deep breath and nodding. “Alright... You’re learning to dance tonight.”
Taking up the previous position, Ditzy leans a bit harder into you and makes you step backwards a few steps. “You have to show your partner where you want them to go. You can’t just shove them, you need to guide them.”
You try to keep up the hoof movements and go where Ditzy wants you to, but more than once you find yourself stumbling.
“Ditzy, this isn’t working, I-”
“We learn to walk before we learn to run. You’re doing fine. And besides, every gentlecolt needs to know how to dance.”
You swallow the lump in your throat and focus on the dance itself, it getting a little easier and easier with each step. By the end of the first song, you’re the one leading and smiling like a colt who just learned to ride a bike.
“See?” Ditzy says as she nuzzles into your shoulder. “You’re a natural.”
“I-I-” Your entire face goes flush and you stumble a few steps. “Ditzy, please be careful. I’m having a hard time concentrating enough as it is.”
“What, you don’t like that?” She asks in a playful tone.
Exact opposite.
“Just ticklish.”
With a light ‘hmph’, Ditzy stops. “You’re no fun.”
“Well, I don’t want to fall all over you,” you say scrambling for the right words. “I’d rather give you a nice dance than falling all over you in a mess of tangled hooves.”
She doesn’t say anything, so you go back to focusing on the dance.
“You’re too good for me, you know that?”
You repress the urge to freeze up and keep dancing. “What do you mean?”
“So many things...” She says wistfully. “First, you jumped in with Thunderlane. And that’s before you even met me. You honestly cared about me and my well being. That’s more than anypony else can say in this town.”
“Ditzy, that’s not true. I’m sure ponies here-”
“-think of me as nothing more than a klutz. So when I get hurt, it’s nothing new and nothing to worry about.”
“But-”
“Then you gave me something I haven’t had in such a long time,” she continues, her voice growing quieter. “A friend. Colonel, I may be hard on you sometimes, but it’s because I care. Don’t ever think I dislike you. Quite the opposite, in fact.”
“...Ditzy, please stop. This isn’t you. You wouldn’t be telling me this-”
With a heavy sigh, Ditzy shakes her head. “I wouldn’t be telling you this if I didn’t have the guts to. I just don’t care anymore. I need to say this, I need to ask this. I really, just... Can y-”
Music finishes and after a few seconds, Pinkie Pie hops onto the stage with a microphone.
“Well folks, that was the slow dance! Now, we got a few games we’re going to set up so if you could clear the floor we’ll have that ready in a jiffy! Afterwards, we got something a little faster for all you ponies to dance to so stay excited!”
You can’t help but let out a little sigh of relief. “Alright Ditzy. Let’s go and see Twilight and explain what’s going on.”
Ditzy opens her mouth, but slowly closes. “Alright. I did say one dance.”
“There’ll be other dances, don’t worry,” you say with a laugh as you walk towards the exit.
“With you?”
Your smile slowly falls before you shake your head. “I... I don’t know to be honest. Let’s just take this one step at a time, okay?”
Ditzy says nothing and you make your way to the punchbowl you spiked earlier, looking it over with grim resignation. “All this from one lousy drink,” you mutter under your breath. Reaching into your jacket, you pull your flask out for a final time tonight and fill it.
“Alright, let’s get to Twilight’s.”
You’re not three steps out the door before Ditzy speaks up.
“I... think I’ll go home, actually.”
“Are you sure?” You ask as you stop in your tracks. “I mean, it might be smart to-”
“She’ll suspect something, remember?” Ditzy asks flatly. “She’s like a bloodhound when somepony’s hiding something. Just... show her the flask, okay? She’ll be able to analyze it.”
You nod slowly. “Alright... Well, you take care then. And I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Actually, can you come to my place after you’re done at Twilight’s?”
“Uh, I guess I can. Is something wrong?”
Ditzy shakes her head. “No. Just please?”
You let out a sigh and relent. “Alright. I’ll be there.”
With that, Ditzy starts trotting down the road, leaving you alone and with the feeling of a stone in your stomach. When did everything get so complicated? You think as you sag your head.
You knock on the door loud enough for anypony inside to hear before stepping in. “Twilight? Are you there? The light’s on.”
Looking around, you see the unicorn in the corner of the room, rolling up a scroll as you step in. “Oh hi! How’d the party go?” She asks as she ties the scroll up.
“Uh, could of gone better to be honest... Gonna need you to look at something.”
Twilight nods before getting up and making her way up the stairs. “Give me a second to send this off, okay?”
You nod back and stand in the center of the library, shuffling in place and waiting. Walking over to the table Twilight was sitting at, you turn your head and start looking at what she was reading.
Only for your breath to catch in your throat.
‘The Draco-Equis War’ you read to yourself. Waged in the year 937 AB (After Banishment) was a bloody conflict between-
A woosh of fire and a grumble snaps you from your thoughts and you watch as Twilight barrels down the stairs and takes a defensive stance. Held in the air with a field of magic is another clay tablet like your first meeting, which Twilight promptly shatters.
And just like before, a wave of magic washes over you. This time however, your limbs feel heavy and it takes a monumental struggle just to lift a leg up. It’s like you’re up to your neck in concrete. “Twilight, what are you d-”
“Don’t. Move.” She says sharply, point her horn towards you. “You’d thought I’d write that comment off as nothing, didn’t you? There’s no way you could have been in the Draco-Equis war!”
“Twilight, please this is-”
“And I learned something from Ditzy’s child as well! She was sooo happy to talk about you and how great you are. And how you worked at the Manehattan 80! That restaurant has been closed 40 years! You would have been working there at the age of 7 years old if your story is true!” Twilight’s nostrils flare and she steps closer, her horn shining bright. “Now what did you do with the real operative, changeling?” She spits the last word and you could practically feel the heat emanating off of the spell she was channeling.
“I’ve sent a scroll to Princess Celestia informing her of what I’ve discovered and that I have you in possession. There will be a contingent of guards here soon.”
“I’m not a changeling! Twilight, listen to me! Please!”
Twilight’s gaze grows hard. “Do you really take me for an idiot? If you really were in the Draco-Equis war, you’d have to be over 100 years old.”
Ohh god... She knows. She just doesn’t realize. You swallow the lump in your throat and lower your head. Idiot. Thought she knew. Celestia’s student, they share everything. Guess she never told her.
You’re snapped out of your thoughts as Twilight’s horn grows brighter. Taking a deep breath, you nod slowly.
“I... I am,” you say weakly. “I’m 104. I was born in the year 920.”
She loses the spell, most likely from shock. “W...What?”
Twilight's hard visage falters and is replaced with that of one of confusion. “N-No, that’s impossible. That kind of age has only been seen a few times, but only in earth ponies... Never pegasi. And even then, you look like you’re in your late forties! It’s just impos-”
A loud pop makes both you and Twilight flinch. When you open your eyes, an alabaster scroll levitates between you and her, adorned with the royal seal.
In an instant, Twilight grabs the scroll and unfurls it, her eyes twitching through the lines as she reads it at breakneck speed.
She stands there, completely still before reading it once more and turning to you.
With a deep breath, she lights up her horn and the heavy feeling in your limbs disappears. “I’ve... been ordered to release you. And... there’s something here for you as well.”
Holding up the scroll, you skim through it while keeping a wary eye on Twilight.
Whatever bonds you hold him in, release them. He is not a changeling, nor your enemy. He is to be trusted. That is not advice, but an order my dear student.
My old friend, somehow you’ve gotten my student on your trail. I will not force you to regale her with your history, but it may be for the best for to hear from you and not learn from what she’ll find on file in Canterlot.
You fall back on your haunches and throw your head back. “Greeeeeat...” You say with a low groan. “Grab a seat, this is gonna take a while...”
Twilight blinks in confusion, but nods slowly before sitting back down in her chair and pushing her books to the side.
You keep quiet at first. Finally, after a few minutes of gathering your thoughts, you take the seat across from her.
“So... You’re really 104?”
You let your shoulders sag and nod. “...Yeah. Long story. So, sorry if I don’t go into too much detail and just give you important bits.”
I really did join the military while still in High School. That was 937, if I remember correctly. I did it out of patriotic pride. My country needed me and I wanted to help. So, I went through basic training and was deployed. I fought a lot of dragons over the 6 years I was deployed, mostly serving as a distraction while they fired ballistas to get through that tough hide of their’s. I enjoyed everything about my life in the military. I lived, I laughed... Fell in love, too.
“You fell in love?”
Yeah. Hard. Fell in love with a mare by the name of Honeydew. Our company’s medic.
“Wait, Honeydew?!? As in, the ‘Medical Miracle Mare’ Honeydew?!? The one who we owe modern healing magic to?”
Yeah. That one. She wasn’t known by that title and was just a mare who had a special talent at healing ponies. Well, to make a long story short we got in our heads to get married after our tours of duty. Until then, we spent many nights in each other’s hooves. But what do they say about the best laid plans?
“...What happened?”
Tyrannius. Red Dragon of the High Dragon Council. We had no idea he was leading one of the hordes we were sent to fight against and walked right into it. I gave everything I got to buy my team some time to get out of there and retreat. Tyrannius picked me up and shook me like a rag doll when he got his claws around me. When they came back and found my body, they were surprised to find me in one piece. Even more so that I was still alive. So Honeydew, in a fit of blind panic and love shoved a lot of healing magic into me. A lot of healing magic. And I came back.
“You just came back? Like nothing ever happened?”
Oh yeah. I was just as surprised. And there it was, our happy ending. Tyrannius was defeated by Celestia a week later, I got a big shiny medal, and Honeydew and I got married. We even had three kids.
You can’t help but feel yourself smile as you get lost down memory lane, staring into the middle distance as you remember everything.
The look on Honeydew’s face as she held our first foal. His first steps. School...
“What happened next?”
Your torn from your memories and thrust back into the present. “What happened?” You echo. “Well... We always thought that it was a miracle that there were no side-effects from that much magic getting pumped into my system. Turned out there were.”
Running a hoof through your mane, you sigh heavily. “It wasn’t that noticeable at first. I was strong and fit as ever when I turned thirty. Honeydew took on a sexy, mature sort of look after a while. Didn’t think much of it. It was obvious when I turned forty. We didn’t look like wife and husband anymore. We looked like mother and son.”
“Something happened to me. After a few trips to the hospital and a lot of tests, we found the answer. My biological clock had stopped ticking.”
Twilight’s eyes nearly bug out of her head. She opens her mouth to say something, but keeps quiet and leans forward.
“Whatever Honeydew did, she not only healed me, but preserved me. Twenty-some-odd years had passed and I looked the same I did on that fateful day.”
“And... How did Honeydew take it?”
“She... tried to accept it at first. She also tried to find a way to fix it. Neither panned out. When she turned fifty, she had a midlife crisis. Honeydew grew angry at me and I had no idea why at first. She wouldn’t tell me a damn thing and would just go off on one at the drop of a hat.”
Twilight brings a hoof to her mouth in a silent gasp. “She was... jealous. Wasn’t she?”
You nod solemnly. “Bingo. Here I was, ‘immune to the ravages of time’ as she put it, and she’s wasting away. I tried to make it work, but it wasn’t going well. When she turned sixty? We got a divorce. The kids were gone, they hardly spoke to us and two of them didn’t even know what was going on. We figured it was the smart thing to do.”
“But wait... You had this happen to you when you were, what, 22? 23? You look like you’re in your mid forties.”
“Yeah... I do. Doctors never stopped looking into my condition. Turns out? It wasn’t permanent. I’m getting old Twilight. I’m getting old fast.”
“H-How fast, how-”
“It started two years ago,” you say above a whisper. “I aged twenty years in the span of two.”
Twilight reels at the information and you can see in her eye that she knows what this means.
“Th-There’s gotta be some way to stop it. There must be a reason why the magic is failing now, you can’t just-”
You tense up before slamming your hoof down, making her jump. “Twilight, stop.” You say firmly. “Just stop. I know what you want to do and I appreciate the sentiment. Really, I do. But I don’t think there’s anything else the doctors or anypony else can do.” You stop and let out a little laugh. “Hell, when Celestia found out she started looking into it as well. She couldn’t find anything.”
“Even then, the doctors have a phylactery of my blood to experiment on all they want. I haven’t gotten a letter in a while about their progress, so part of me feels like they’ve given up.”
You lapse into silence before letting out a haggard breath. “And personally? So have I.”
Twilight’s jaw goes agape. “W-What?”
“I’m old Twilight. I’ve seen the world. I’ve lived a good life. I’ve done a lot. A lot of good. I’ve got another three, maybe four years in me if I’m lucky. I’ve made my peace. But this? I’m doing one last good thing for a friend before...”
You keep quiet and Twilight just looks at you, a mix of shock and pity painting her face as she processes everything she’s just heard. You stay like that for a few moments before getting to your hooves.
“I hope you’ll keep this between you and me. Not a lot of ponies know. Hell, I don’t even think Luna knows all of what I’ve told you.”
With a heavy sigh, Twilight nods. “I think it goes without saying I’ll keep it a secret. This is just a lot to take in.”
“Yeah. Sorry for dumping it all on you, but after that whole thing with the spell and you thinking I’m a changeling-”
“And I’m so sorry for that, I-”
“Oh come on, you felt there was something fishy going on and you acted. I don’t blame ya.” Twilight gives you a smile. “I gotta go now, I got... lots on my mind and someplace I gotta be.”
You start making for the door, but stop and slap your forehead. “Damnit! After all this drama and talk, I almost forgot what I came here for.” Reaching into your coat, you hold the flash out to Twilight.
“Pinkie mixed booze into the punch before I got there and the potion’s gone haywire. Do you know what it’s doing to ponies? I got a good idea, but I want a unicorn’s opinion.”
“What?!?” Grabbing the potion from your grasp, Twilight unscrews the top and lights her horn, magic snaking into it. “Alright, alright... Nothing destructive, that’s good... Not alteration potion anymore. It’s more of the illusion branch than anything.”
“Illusion? Like, what? It’s making ponies see things they aren’t or-”
“No, no. Illusion covers spells that affect the mind as well as senses. From the looks of it, it’s affecting desire. Not unlike Heart’s Desire, but nowhere near as harmful. If anything, it’s affecting what ponies want to do.”
You nod slowly and grimace. “Eeyup, figured as much. Nothing bad, though right?”
Twilight shakes her head. “If my initial analysis of the potion is correct, it’s actually ‘breaking down barriers’ if that makes any sense.”
“None at all.”
With a heavy sigh, Twilight sets the flask down. “Everypony has barriers that prevent them from doing what they truly desire. For instance, Spike would like to eat ice cream for every meal of the day. His common sense, now, tells him that this is a bad idea and he know I’d disapprove. If he were to take a sip of this, he’d happily eat that ice cream without caring for repercussions.”
The news hits you like a ton of bricks. “O...kay. So, let’s assume for a second somepony desires another pony and takes this potion. And normally, they’d have things like the fact they work together or have emotional baggage and they feel it may not be the best idea. It could... force them to go after that pony? Even if they might not be 100% on board with the idea?”
“Well... Possibly. But remember, this is all conjecture. I’d have to run some tests to get a full analysis of the effects. But remember, what is done is what the ingester truly wants.”
“Still could be something they might not truly need in their life, though...” You let out a sigh. “Alright, thanks Twilight. I want you to have a nice night. And get back to me when you got that, okay?”
Twilight nods. “I will. And... Thank you. For sharing that with me.”
You give her a bit of a wave and make your way to the door and out into the streets of Ponyville. As you stand there under the street lights, you can’t help but debate your next course of action.
Should I go see Ditzy like I said? Or just... leave her to sober up and talk to her in the morning?
And again, the devil and angel sit on your shoulder.
She wants to see you.
You owe it to her to make sure she’s alright.
Shaking your head, you start making your way towards Ditzy’s house. “Here goes nothing...”
Standing at the front door, you bring your hoof up to knock.
“It’s open.”
You swallow the lump in your throat and push through the threshold. “Hey Ditzy... Feeling any better?” You call out cautiously.
Rounding the corner, you find Ditzy stepping out of the bathroom and towel drying her mane. “A little,” she says flatly. “Get held up?”
You roll your shoulders. “A bit. Twilight had a lot to ask me and wouldn’t let me leave until she got an answer,” you say casually. “So... What did you need?”
The tension in the air could be cut by a knife. You didn’t like that question and the possibilities it could open, but you couldn’t help but ask.
“A lot,” Ditzy says as she makes her way for the stairs. “Can you follow me?”
You bite your lip as she ascends and keep your eyes low. “Uh... Sure, I guess.”
What the hell is wrong with you? You’re tripping over yourself like a teen on prom night...
Following Ditzy up the stairs and through one of the doorways only to feel your heart accelerate like a jackhammer as you realize where you are.
You were in a bedroom.
Ditzy’s bedroom.
“Colonel... Take those clothes off.”
All the blood rushes to your face and you start to back up slightly. “D-Ditzy, please I’m not comfortable with this, especially in your current condition. I-”
“I don’t want to have sex with you, Colonel. Get your mind out of the gutter.”
Your jaw trembles slightly as Ditzy reaches out and undoes the buttons of your jacket, then your shirt before sliding them off. “It’s late. It’s time for bed. And... I’d like to you to join me.”
It’s a trick, she’s trying to get frisky and she’s going to do something she’s gonna be angry about in the morning and-
“No, no, Ditzy I can’t-”
“Please!”
You freeze as Ditzy grabs a hold of your shoulders and brings you in for a strong hug. “Please. You... You have no idea how lonely I’ve been... When everypony in town sees you like a walking disaster. Or like there’s nothing between your ears but air.”
You feel her grip grow tighter as she starts to sniffle aloud. “I’ve heard the whispers.”
“Why... Why don’t you just try to show them a bit of the mare you’ve shown me?” You ask above a whisper. “The strong, smart mare?”
“I’ve tried... Why do you think Thunderbolt attacked me when we first met?”
You feel your mouth open, but no words come out and you’re sure you look like a fish out of water.
“I... tried to point out something involving the sorting system, I don’t know what. I can’t remember,” she says with another sniffle. “And then he... He attacked me. Guess he didn’t like somepony like me looking smarter than him.”
Slowly, you reach your hooves around her and start to hold her back.
“And then... Well, you come along.” Ditzy continues with a laboured breath. “You’re the first true friend I’ve ever had. In a long time. And that’s why... I want you to join me.”
Letting go of you, Ditzy crawls into the bed and under the covers. She stares at you with her big, golden eyes and blinks back the tears as she holds the covers up. “Please?”
You couldn’t say no; not to those eyes and not to what you just heard.
Getting up, you slowly walk over to the bed and slip under the covers with your back to Ditzy. As soon as you settle yourself in, you feel her reach out and bring you in for a warm embrace.
“I hate waking up alone,” she abruptly says. “I hate waking up in this house, in this big bed, by myself. Cold and alone. So Colonel... Please just let me have this. Let me just have this one night of peace.”
You keep your mouth shut and lay perfectly still, concentrating on your breathing along with Ditzy’s.
This isn’t going to end well... You think as you stare at the bedroom door. This isn’t going to end well for anyone.
The morning sun hits your face like a slap, waking you groggily from your blissful sleep. The feeling of peace lasts for all of a few seconds before your eyes snap open, remembering what exactly just happened last night.
“Ditzy, I-”
Leaning up in bed, you feel yourself start to panic just a little when you realize that you’re alone. Ditzy was nowhere to be seen.
Okay, checklist. First, my clothes are still here and not out the window. She’s not angry. Good. I hope. And what’s today?
Wracking your brain, you finally realize that today is Thursday.
A school day, you think hopefully. She’d have to get up to see the kids off.
Glancing at the clock, you confirm that it’s well past the time children should be hurried out the door for school and breathe a sigh of relief knowing that you and her were alone.
Now I just gotta hope that there isn’t a holiday of some kind today and I’m wrong...
Opening the door slowly, you glance to your left and then to your right before slinking into the hallway. “Coast is clear...”
Walking with all your grace and ease, you make your way down stairs while keeping an eye out. You find yourself freezing when you reach the bottom of the stairs and see Ditzy sitting at the kitchen table, wearing a pink bathrobe and nursing a cup of coffee.
Slowly, her head turns and her eyes lock with yours. “Sit.”
The words aren’t harsh or angry like you expected. If anything, she sounded weary. With a deep breath, you steel yourself and make your way towards the table.
“So... Sleep well?” You ask, flinching briefly.
Smooth. As. Sandpaper.
Ditzy gives you a tired smile. “Yeah. Real well. I woke up feeling... happy. Really happy. I made breakfast, saw Dinky and Amethyst out and we have the day off today.”
You blink in surprise. “We have the day off?”
Ditzy gives you a deadpan look, but you can see the corners of her mouth tugging upwards. “Nice to see where your priorities are. But yes, we have the day off. All public works, sans school.”
“Well, what can I say? I love being able to experience these lovely lazy Friday mornings.”
“It’s Thursday colonel.”
“So good, they feel like Friday,” you snigger as you take a seat. A sideways glance to Ditzy and her serious expression breaks you and you slump in your seat. “What happens with us now? I gotta know.”
Ditzy contemplates her coffee before taking a deep breath. “As your handler, what we did was highly inappropriate and if a superior officer knew of our conduct, I would be taken out of the field immediately for growing too close to my charge and I wouldn’t say a single word against the decision.”
With a heavy sigh, she runs a hoof through her mane before leaning forward. “As your friend, I’m grateful you let me be selfish last night and listened to me, even in my altered state.”
Blinking in surprise, you sit up in your seat. “You... know you were affected by the potion? You know that it affected your actions and that it wasn’t something you wouldn’t do normally?”
Ditzy nods slowly. “Part of me knew what was going on, sure. It was like having a real good buzz after a night of drinking. Everything felt so far away and it didn’t matter at that moment.” With a sigh, Ditzy looks up to you despondently. “And now you know... Just how lonely I really am.”
You feel your throat start to grow tight. “Yeah, you were pretty forthcoming last night. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” she whispers. “After I started dating Giggles, he and I always slept together. After sleeping together for so many years and suddenly have him... gone?” Ditzy lets out a strangled laugh. “You think you’d get used to doing something so simple. Sleeping alone.”
“You don’t,” she says as she holds back a sob. “You wake up and you’re cold and alone and just reminded that there’s something missing that you’ll never get back. Been like that for so many years now.” Her watery eyes meet yours and she lets out another sob. “I guess I just... wanted to pretend. At least for one night.”
Grabbing a napkin, you hold it out for Ditzy. “Thank you,” she mumbles as she wipes at her eyes. “Sorry for putting you through all this... Making you spend the night with me and bawling like a baby.”
“It’s fine,” you say firmly. “You’ve had a lot on your shoulders lately. Do you feel any better?”
“A bit, yes,” she says with a nod. “And... I’d also like to thank you for being so adamant about not ‘sleeping’ with me last night, given my condition. Even if those cards weren’t on the table.”
“Well, it’s the principle of the thing,” you say with a light blush. “You don’t piss into a forward wind and you don’t take advantage of a mare.”
Ditzy lets out a giggle and shakes her head. “In any case, I’m not done yet.” In a flash, her soft and sad expression is replaced with the stony, serious look that you’ve gotten used to. “We still have a job to do. So, some ground rules. We keep our relationship professional while we’re on the mission. This will be the last time that we do something like this. The invitation for breakfast is still on the table and we can keep the casual manner in which we speak to each other.”
“Once the mission is over, whether successful or not, we are expected to part ways and go about our lives as if nothing ever happened,” she finishes.
For the longest time, Ditzy is quiet and you notice that she’s gripping her coffee cup so tight, she’s shaking. “And... And that’s why, I’d like to ask if you’d be interested in... in dinner,” she says shakily. “Just between colleagues, I mean. After everything's said and done.”
You could almost feel your heart drop into your hooves. You knew where this was going, but you keep up the charade and let out a little laugh. “It’s... a little too early to make any plans yet. But, we could have a little celebratory dinner when this is all over with and we’ve got the changeling out to dry,” you say with another laugh. “Speaking of which, we should probably start thinking about redoubling our efforts. After that little spectacle last night, we could have tipped them off.”
Ditzy’s face immediately clears up and she nods quickly. “We do have to work double time, but I don’t think we have to worry about the changeling. Ponyville is famous for all manner of chaotic outbursts. More than likely, everypony will chalk it up to ‘Ponyville being Ponyville’,” she says with a smile. But it quickly disappears and she’s left with sagging shoulders. “Unfortunately, we now have no idea who drank the punch last night and no other way to test for changelings.”
Sighing heavily, you shrug. “Any important events coming up?”
“Well, there’s Ponyville Bake Off, a talent show, the blood drive, Spring fun run-”
“Wait, wait wait. Back up. Blood drive? When’s that?’
“This Friday. Tomorrow. Dinky wanted to donate blood, the little angel. Why, what are you thinking Colonel?”
“Well, no changeling would be caught dead at a blood drive right? Their blood is green and-”
“Clear,” Ditzy says abruptly. “Changeling blood is clear, Colonel. Did you seriously forget our last study session? I-”
“Whatever, you know what I meant,” you say with a wave of your hoof. “Their blood is different. We’ve been looking at potential suspects, but why not cross a whole bunch of ponies off our list as innocent?”
Ditzy’s eyes widen slightly and she starts smiling. “Now that has potential,” she says with wide smile. “We could watch the ponies going in and out and have an idea of-Damnit... That won’t work.”
“What?”
“It’s the same time as my mail route and we’re going to be busy tomorrow,” she says with a heavy sigh. “Well, it was a good idea at the time.”
Slumping against the wall, you let out a tired grunt. Looking at the calendar again, you chew at your lip and look for something else before you notice something rather important.
“Hey Ditzy? Why do we have today off?” You ask curiously.
“National Princess Appreciation Day, what else?”
“Isn’t that on a Friday? Same as the blood drive?” You ask as you point to the calendar. “Or is this calendar wrong?”
Ditzy’s entire body tenses up and you can see the look of panic on her face. “Oh ponyfeathers, you’re right! We were supposed to be open an hour and a half ago!”
That got you panicking now as well. “Get your ass in gear! We gotta move!”
Bounding up the stairs with Ditzy at your side, you make a beeline for the bathroom and clamber into the shower, only to stop when you notice Ditzy had the same idea. The only difference was that she was just a little faster and you were at eye level with her flank.
“I-I-I...” You stammer out as you back up. “You go first, I-”
“Get your ass in here Colonel, we don’t have time for this.” With one hoof, Ditzy grabs a hold of you by the scruff of the neck and drags you into the shower before turning on the hot water.
“I think I need an adult,” you whimper as you feel the hot water fall over you. With both of you on your back legs and backs pressed together, you have a flashback to the closet and blush.
“Please Colonel, no more jokes. We need to get the post office open or we’re in big trouble. If we get another complaint about not being open during business hours, we could get fired.”
Keeping your back to hers, you lather your mane up in silence. Letting the water fall over you and rinse away last night, you reach out for the bar of soap blindly only to feel it slip from your grasp.
“Aww shit.”
“What?”
“Ditzy, I promise this isn’t a joke so don’t hit me,” you say as you try to get all the shampoo out of your mane. “I dropped the soap.”
You hear Ditzy stop moving for a moment and you expect to catch a hoof upside the head. Instead, you hear a tired sigh. “Colonel, what am I going to do with you?’
“Well, hopefully nothing when I bend over to pick this up,” you mumble. Reaching down, you grope the bottom of the tub for the soap.
“Oh please, you have nothing to worry about...” Ditzy grumbles as she rinses the last of the shampoo from her mane.
“Oh no, I’ve heard what happens to good looking stallions on the inside!” You cry as you bend over, the soap slipping from your grasp. “You’re just waiting to take advantage of poor defenseless me! I know your type! You’ll use me and trade me for a cigarette and-”
That’s when you feel something connect with you. Something important between your legs. A wave of pain and nausea washes over your body and a small whimper escapes your mouth before you collapse into the bottom of the tub.
“I said I was sorry,” Ditzy mumbles with a heavy blush as she opens the post office door.
“Sorry doesn’t help,” you grumble as you walk towards your office, flinching every now and again with each step. “Grab some ice from the freezer and stick it in a bag.”
“I didn’t know you were bending down! I was aiming for your flank! It wasn’t even that hard!”
“Ditzy dear, contrary to what you may believe, you are a strong mare and your light tap could floor a buffalo and has left my boys feeling bruised. Now please, get som-”
Turning towards the office, you see Raindrops standing in the doorway and looking to you and Ditzy with a rising blush. “W-What happened with you two?”
“Nothing” “Ditzy kicked me in the nards.”
Ignoring the burning look from Ditzy, you make your way for the kitchen to get the ice yourself.
Raindrops lets out a laugh. “Did you deserve it?”
“Yes.” “No.”
It’s your turn to glare at Ditzy as you hold open the freezer door and shake your head.
Raindrops can only laugh harder. “You two are acting like an old married couple... So, you two a thing now?”
You could almost hear a pin drop.
“What?” Ditzy asks flatly. “A thing?”
“Yeah, you two had your date last night and were all over each other. Everypony’s talking about it. Heck, you two won second prize for ‘Cutest Couple’,” Raindrops says with a giggle.
“Second? Who won first?” You ask as you close the freezer door.
“Flare, that’s hardly the issue here...” Ditzy grumbles.
“Big Mac and his marefriend won it actually,” Raindrops says. “They were all awkward and bashful that night, but come on Ditzy what’s wrong? You two were cute last night and the town agrees.”
Ditzy could only blush harder. “It wasn’t a date-date... I was just...”
“It was a favor for Pinkie Pie,” you say matter of factly with a hoofful of ice. “I lost the game from her party and owed her. She said I needed to got the charity last night and I needed a date. Ditzy was nice enough to come along with me, that’s all.”
Raindrops nodded slowly. “Ohhh, okay. But really? You two aren’t a thing?”
Throwing the ice into a cloth bag, you take a seat behind the desk and sigh. “No Raindrops, we aren’t a thing. We’re just friends, right Ditzy?’
“Right,” Ditzy says, finally regaining her composure. “We’re just friends.”
With a satisfied smile, you take the bag of ice and slip it inbetween your legs and let out a satisfied sigh. “Ohhh that’s so much better...” You say, leaning back into the chair as the pain slowly starts disappearing. “You two start organizing letters and get the delivery ready for today. I’ll watch the front desk. And Raindrops, before you ask why, just ask yourself why I have the ice pack and there’s your answer.”
Raindrops' open mouth slowly closes and she lets out a sigh. “Alright, alright. Come on Ditzy.”
Leaning back in your seat, you let out a satisfied sigh as you let the ice do its magic. Alone with your thoughts, you let all your troubles just melt away into the ice.
The feeling of relief is short lived when the door opens and a familiar stallion walks through. Grimacing, you lean forward and sigh. “Thunderbolt... Honestly didn’t expect to see you back here so soon.”
The black stallion stood there, shifting on the spot. “Listen, my dad’s already chewed me out for what I did. I’m sorry for what I did, I-”
“Are you sorry for what you did,” you interrupt sharply. “Or sorry that you got caught?”
His jaw drops slightly and you lean in more as you get into ‘drill sergeant’ mode. “You’re giving me a canned response, boy. Now, grab a chair and sit your ass down. Lecture time.”
“You’re not serio-”
“Grab a chair and sit down now,” you say more forcefully this time. Thunderbolt tenses up and scrambles for a chair, taking a seat right in front of you and sitting at attention.
You keep quiet as you shuffle around papers on the desk, pretending to look for something. Alright, this is a damn familiar situation. Heavy Weight acted the same way when he went through puberty. Rebellious, spoiled, and swinging at everything that tried to get him in line, you think. In a sudden flash, a memory comes back and you smile. And I remember just how I dealt with him.
“Good. Now, let me ask you something Thunderbolt... Do you love your mother?”
Thunderbolt’s face contorts slightly and he hangs his head. “I... I did, yeah.”
Uh-oh... Toning down the anger in your voice, you give him a patient look. “What happened?”
“She... passed away. I was like 7. Cancer,” he says bitterly.
Oof. Drama bomb.Works though. He just forgot, like I thought. Less drill sergeant, more counselor.
“Sorry for picking at old wounds... but, tell me. What would she say if she saw you hurting Ditzy? Or acting out? Or just walking the path you are now? Think she’d be happy? Think she’d be proud of her son?”
Your words carry the weight of a strong haymaker and you could almost see him reel from the weight of your words.
“I... I don’t know...” Thunderbolt is looking like you kicked him right in the emotional balls. He looks like he honestly hadn’t thought about that and now he’s doing everything he can to not cry. “No, no she wouldn’t.”
“Then why aren’t you making her proud?” You say as you stand up slightly. “If you know she wouldn’t approve, why are you doing it? You said you loved her.”
Thunderbolt looks up to you with glassy eyes. You were hitting every right button. “You know, I almost told Ditzy to go to the hospital for stitches,” you say grimly. “Think mom would like knowing her son almost sent a mare to the hospital? What would she say if she heard that?”
That was all you needed to break whatever tough-guy act Thunderbolt had left. He was 7 years old again and bawling like a child.
And there we go. Hundred some odd years and I still got it. Knew there was a good stallion in there. He just lost him for a while. I think he’s suffered enough.
“How do you feel now? Pretty lousy now huh?”
Thunderbolt nods and quickly wipes at his eyes. “Uh-huh...”
“Do you feel sorry now? Do you feel bad for what you did now, not just bad that you got in trouble for it?” You ask as you pass him a tissue.
“Yeah. I do... ” Thunderbolt says as he wipes his eyes. “How the hell did you do that?”
You can’t help but laugh at the question. “Years of experience and training. Raising a kid helps, too. Now, this is what you’re going to do now. You’re going to go apologize to Ditzy and Raindrops now. Then go visit your mama.”
Thunderbolt nods slowly. “Yeah... Yeah, okay... And after that?”
“Well, if you’re willing to work here and straighten up then you’re more than welcome to have your old job back. You’ll be under a magnifying glass for the first couple of weeks mind you.”
“Okay, okay that’s fine,” he says as he gets up. “And uh... sorry Flare. For, you know. Being an ass.”
“Apology accepted.”
Leaning back in your chair, you feel yourself smile as you see Thunderbolt disappear into the sorting room, only to leave a few minutes later. Shortly after that, Ditzy and Raindrops come out and stare at you in dumbfounded amazement.
“What manner of sorcery did you put on him under?” Raindrops asks in slack jawed horror. “That... That wasn’t Thunderbolt. He actually apologized and meant it.”
“Just... How?” Ditzy asks in complete shock. “I... I don’t know where to begin.”
With a big smile, you reach between your legs and pull out the now melted ice bag. “Sometimes, you just need a good kick in the butt to remind you of something you forgot.”
“I... I don’t think I can take you seriously after you did that,” Raindrops says as she grimaces.
“It’s fine, I don’t take myself seriously either. Now come on, let’s get the last of the letters sorted.”
With a heavy sigh, you collapse back into your chair and look back out the window to see the night sky cresting over the horizon. The day had been going so well, too. The pain between your legs had faded, Ditzy and Raindrops made a few jokes at your expense, but it was all in good fun.
Then you got the letter.
Your mail had been forwarded to you from your previous address, under your new name and address. It made your life a bit more believable to be getting letters and junk-mail. But you didn’t want this letter.
Addressed to Flare Chaser, from Canterlot Hospital.
More bad news, I bet... I got enough on my freaking plate, you think with a grumble as you hold the letter up. Bet they just want to tell me how screwed I am. ‘It’s amazing, really. Your cells are deteriorating so fast, they’re actually becoming dust!’
With another sigh, you grip the letter and get ready to tear it open when your office door opens. In one jerky motion, you shove the letter in your desk and sit up.
“Flare? You alright?” Ditzy asks as she closes the door behind her. “You’ve been a bit... out of it.”
You wave a hoof and laugh. “Yeah, yeah. Just a letter from the VFW getting their narc on about me not paying my dues. You heading home?”
“Yeah, just checking in on you before I head out. Just know that you can tell me anything. I’m here to help you, remember that.” She gives you a little smile and you feel your heart wrench just a little bit.
Don’t. Please don’t this. You don’t need another heartbreak.
“I know, I know... Here, I’ll walk with you. I need to stop by the library anyway.” Getting to your hooves, you lead Ditzy out of the post office, locking the doors behind you and making your way into the quiet streets of Ponyville.
Hopefully Twilight won’t ask too many questions... You think with another sigh.
“Oh come on now Flare, I know something’s wrong. Get it off your chest, it’ll make everypony feel better,” Ditzy says with a small grin.
I’m over a hundred years old. I like to act like I’m clueless and dimwitted because it makes ponies laugh and I like to hear them laugh. I’m an alcoholic. You’re beautiful, smart, funny and talented and all you gotta do is show the world and you could have them eating out of your hoof. I’m dying in less than five years.
“I’m serious Ditzy, it’s nothing,” you say, returning the smile. “It’s just the VFW and I guess just... everything as of lately. Having one of those moments where I feel like I have the world on my back.”
“If you say so, Colonel. The offer still stands,” she says with a shrug. Ditzy glances down her road. “Well, this is where we part ways. I’ll see you tomorrow? Plans still stand?”
You give her solemn nod. “They do. I’ll see you.”
Ditzy gives you a wave and you return it before making your way to the library. Luckily, the lights are still on but all the shades are down. Walking up to the door, you open the door and smile.
“So, Twi’! Getting in some late-night reading in? or...”
Your voice dies in your throat when you see a rather stunned looking Twilight holding what looked like a spliff betwixt her lips. Slowly, she levitates the unlit joint and neatly tucks it in her mane before sitting up straight and looking you dead in the eye. “You didn’t see anything. If you try to tell Princess Celestia, I’ll deny everything.”
You try to hold back your laughter, but end letting out a strangled laugh before trotting up beside her and joining Twilight on the couch.
“I won’t tell,” you say as you wipe away a tear. “And Princess Celestia wouldn’t care. She ain’t exactly the purest sheet in closet, I’ll tell ya that much.”
Twilight gives you an disbelieving look and you could tell from her fish impression that she wanted to ask. “Not gonna give specifics, but just ask her to borrow a riding crop and watch her reaction.”
“I-I... wait, what? WHAT?” You let out another laugh as Twilight visibly reels at the information and enjoy the spectacle while it lasts.
“Alright, alright, alright... Serious talk Twilight? Need a favor. Big one.”
Her eyes dart left and right, looking around the room for a brief second before nodding. “What do you need?”
You take a deep breath and shake your head. “This ain’t my line of work, Twi’. I’m feeling a little sloppy. I almost got found out a couple times and I want a backup plan in case of the worst.” Taking another breath, you look her in the eyes. “I need an amnestic.”
It takes a moment to register, but Twilight’s eyes nearly bug out of her head. “Don’t you think that’s a little... extreme?” She asks nervously. “There’s a reason those kind of potions are outlawed.”
“For the general public,” you say solemnly. “And I know. But I honestly just need like, a spritzer thing, you know? Spray it in someone’s face, they can’t react, breathe it in and forget what just happened.”
Twilight lets out a long sigh before nodding slowly. “All right. All right. I can make it without any questions being raised. I might even be able to make it focused...” She trails off before nodding. “Alright. Is that all?”
You nod back and get up. “Yup, thanks Twilight. Feel free to light up now,” you say with another laugh.
You hear her grumble and keep on smiling all the way out the door, but as soon as you’re out the door and back on the streets, you let it go and have another long sigh.
Always good to have a plan b, you think as you look up to the night sky. “Always good.”
You heft your saddlebag a bit, tugging at the straps digging into your wings and grumble. “Why am I carrying this again?”
“Because I’ve got more precious cargo,” Ditzy says with a smirk, nodding to Dinky clinging to her back. “Now are you sure you want to donate? You were scared of needles not too long ago.”
“We were talking in class and Ms. Cheerilee said that blood drives are an important part of the community!” Dinky says with a smile. “It means that I can help somepony when they need it the most.”
Taking a few more steps, it suddenly dawns on you. “Wait, is Dinky old enough to donate?”
Ditzy stops and blinks a few times. “Well... I don’t know what age you have to be. We’ll ask Fluttershy. She’ll know.”
“Ohh what if I can’t?” Dinky whines. “I wanted to help!”
“Oh you can do a lot to help somepony,” you say with a smile. “Heck, a ‘can I help you’ can change someone’s whole life. I-Whoa!”
Rounding the corner, both you and Ditzy stand there in shock. The blue pavilion tent set up near the center square wasn’t the unusual sight: it was the massive sea of ponies waiting to get in.
“Uhh... So, uh, is Fluttershy the only one who does the blood drive?” You ask idly as you try to work your way closer.
“Yeah, she turns down the help of the nurses ever since there was a year when a pony broke her leg and there was no one there to help. She felt awful,” Ditzy murmurs. She tenses up for a moment and slowly turns to you. “Flare... Do you know how to draw blood?”
You let out a laugh. “No. Bet I could rock a nurse’s outfit, though.”
This earns a glare from Ditzy and a giggle from Dinky.
“Well... You can do paperwork. I can draw blood. Let’s give her a helping hoof, shall we?”
You can see the glean in Ditzy’s eye and she’s thinking about the bigger picture here. Smiling, you nod your head. “Yeah, let’s get up there.” Taking the lead, you start clearing a path. “Pardon me, make way! Coming through!”
When you finally reach the front, you’re greeted to the sight of a rather frazzled looking Fluttershy who’s desperately sifting through a stack of papers. “I-I-I’m sorry, please, I’m sorry I’m sorry!” She chants as she tries to get everything in order. “I’m not used to so many ponies! We usually only get a hoofful and-Sir, sir! P-Please, you can’t cut in line. I’m going to have to-”
“Oh no, we’re here to help!” You say with a beaming smile. “I can handle the paperwork, Ditzy and you can draw blood. You need help, after all.”
Fluttershy seems to tense up for a moment and looks between you and Ditzy before swallowing dryly and behind you in the crowd, you swear you hear a snicker.
“U-Umm... As nice as this is... I, umm, I don’t think she.. I mean....”
“I’m a registered nurse, though.” Ditzy says firmly. “I can-”
“Oh come off, Derpy! Knock it off!”
You feel yourself bristle and snap your head towards the voice. “Hey!”
The mare in the back shrinks a bit and any snickering or murmuring you heard died with your yell. “Alright Fluttershy, what’s the deal? Ditzy says she can do it why are you sitting on the fence?”
Fluttershy’s eyes keep darting between you and Ditzy, shrinking her seat slightly as you stare her down. “I just... I don’t... know if she can do it...” She squeaks out. “I’m sorry, it’s just...”
You follow Fluttershy’s eyes and see just what she’s looking at; Ditzy’s eyes. You’ve gotten so used to it and when she can do everything and more, you don’t think too much about it. But other ponies seem to do and you can tell from Ditzy’s forlorn expression that she knows it too.
Gritting your teeth, you set down your saddlebags and make your way into the pavilion tent. “Come on Ditzy, get your tuchus in gear. These big babies wanna doubt you? Fine. Show ‘em how it’s done.” Climbing into one of the phlebotomy chairs, you give Fluttershy a grin. “I trust her.”
Fluttershy’s jaw moves up and down slowly and looks to Ditzy expectantly. She’s mirroring Fluttershy’s expression and after a quick moment, swallows dryly. “Well... Alright. Honey, stay with Fluttershy alright?”
You watch as Ditzy quickly mills about the tent, grabbing a number of instruments and an empty blood pack, you hold out a hoof and smile.
“What the hell are you doing?” Ditzy whispers under her breath as she starts to work.
“Proving a bunch of ponies wrong,” you whisper back. “You said it yourself, you’re a registered nurse.”
“Yeah, but I was hoping to ease back into this... I haven’t exactly done this in a while,” she whispers back.
Pulling out a rather large needle, you feel yourself grow a little queasy. “Uhh... How long is a while?”
Ditzy applies an alcohol pad to the crook of your arm and sighs. “Oh... about 6 or 7 years...”
You open your mouth in shock and want to yell something, but stop as she places the needle on your skin and guiding it in with her wingtips. “There we go...” She says aloud. “Just like riding a bike.”
You nod and grit your teeth as you slip back into the chair. You hated needles. You hated doctors. Why the hell did I just do this? You think, exhaling a held breath as you watch the red blood flow into the bag.
You tap your hoof impatiently, no discomfort and just the feeling of the needle putting you on edge. From the corner of your eye, you can see Fluttershy creeping up closer and closer as Ditzy puts on the finishing touches.
“Oh my... That was very well done, De-” Fluttershy stops herself, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “Ditzy. That was very well done. And I’m sorry for how I acted earlier. And um, Flare was it? When you’re done, you can help with the papers.” Turning to the crowd, Fluttershy takes a deep breath. “If you could all form an orderly line, that would great.”
A bunch of the ponies look around and start to line up, with most of them trying to angle themselves towards Fluttershy. But a harsh look from Fluttershy and a point from her sends a rather nervous looking stallion to the chair next to you.
“Come on, look at me,” you say flatly as he climbs into the chair. “Ditzy’s got this, stop acting like she’s Dr. Coltvorkian.”
The stallion gives you a small, nervous nod and puts his hoof out like you and in a few seconds, Ditzy’s over with a needle and a blood bag. And just like you, the hardest part is over in seconds.
“Alright Flare, you’re done,” Ditzy says with a warm smile. Undoing the line and taking out the needle, she bandages you up and smiles. “And thanks.”
“No problem,” you say with a smile. Stepping off from the chair, you immediately stumble and hit the floor. Every pony in the room turns to you as you try to get up. “Okay, which one of you flatfoots moved the floor?” You ask, feeling lightheaded and blinking back stars. Locking eyes with one rather worried looking Ditzy, you laugh. “Been a while,” you say with a wave of your hoof. “Since I donated. Gimmie a sec, I’ll be right as rain.”
Taking a deep breath, you get up and smile as you finally get your balance. “See? Just fine. Now, lemme take over for ya Fluttershy.”
“Umm, are you sure?” She asks timidly. “You took quite a spill and-”
“Bah, I say! Bah. Had worse spills. So, what’dya need for paperwork from ‘em?”
“Uh, just uh... Name, date, birthday, ask them if they have any medical conditions. There’s a little packet that will let you know if they can or can’t donate blood,” Fluttershy says. “Are you all set?”
You nod a few times and grab Dinky and a chair, bringing them both to your side. “Ready to help a few ponies?” You ask her with a wide smile.
Dinky’s original bored expression left quickly and she mimicked your smile and nodded quickly.
The process soon become methodical; ask a pony their name, date of birth, and went through the packet.
“Name?” You asked flatly as you started in on the next pony.
“Starburst.”
Your pen stops and you glance up to see a bright red unicorn standing in front of you with a big smile. “Well then Starburst, birthday?”
“9/23/01.”
“Okay Starburst, any medical conditions we should know about? Blood diseases or conditions?”
Starburst shakes his head. “Nope, none whatsoever.”
You smile from ear to ear and give him a few papers. “Just take that over to Ditzy, she’ll help you out.”
Starburst gives you a nod and trots over to Ditzy and from the corner of your eye, you see her tense up a bit as you did when Starburst walks up to her.
You keep yourself busy with the next few ponies, but keep glancing over to Ditzy and when you see the needle go into Starburst’s hoof and red blood flow into the bag, you feel yourself smile from ear to ear.
We got one. And we didn’t even need to get stuck in a closet together.
“Oh well heya Flare!” You almost jump and find Rosewing now in front of you. “You volunteering to help, huh?”
Flashing your bandage, you give her a smile. “And donating. Speaking which, wanna get signed up? Donate a little blood and help somepony who might need it.”
“It’s always nice to help,” Dinky says with a cute little smile.
Rosewing gives you a shrug. “That’s why I’m here. So do I just go on back or...”
That threw you for a loop. “Uhh, no, we gotta do some paperwork first. Date of birth?”
“2/24/00.”
“And any medical conditions? Or anything we should know about?”
“Well, a bit of hemophilia runs in the family,” she says with a nervous laugh. “I mean, it’s not that much of a problem, is it? You can just bandage it up.”
You purse your lips and slowly shake your head. “No, sorry... We honestly can’t take somepony in who might have hemophilia. I’m sorry, Rosewing.”
She makes a tired face and stomps one hoof. “Darn it...” With another sigh, Rosewing walks off to the side of the table. “So, uh... Flare? Are you busy tomorrow?”
You finish up the next pony rather quickly and blanch a bit at the question. “Busy? Uh, no. Why?”
“Well...” Her face seems to go a bright red. “I was hoping to have a movie night, but my friends all cancelled on me again. So I thought ‘Well, what about Flare?’ and... here we are.”
She gives you an awkward smile and you hold up a hoof to the next pony and turn to her.
“Well Rosewing... I think that sounds nice. I haven’t had much chance to get out of the house as of lately and I think a movie night would be a great idea. What time should I come over?”
“Ohh great! Like, around 6-ish?” She says clapping her hooves together. “I’ve got some tapes I bought I’ve been wanting to watch! I know you’ll love them! Here, let me give you my address.”
She reaches out for a pen, but you wave a hoof. “Oh no it’s fine, I know where it is.”
“Huh?”
“I, uh, work for the post office, remember?” You say with an awkward laugh. “Sorry that came out as weird, but I’ve sorted the mail enough times to know where most every pony lives.”
“Ohhh, that makes sense,” Rosewing says with a laugh. “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow!”
“See ya then.”
You go back to the paperwork and after another pony, you feel a burning sensation on the back of your neck. Glancing back, you can see Ditzy staring at you rather intently.
“I can’t believe you agreed to a date with a possible changeling!” Ditzy yells. It’s been awhile since you’ve been in the barn cellar, but you’re happy it’s sound proofed and out of the way. “She could be luring you right into a trap!”
“I know, I know!” You yell back, slumping in your chair. “It was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up, though! Starburst just came through and we crossed him right then and there when he didn’t bleed green g-”
“-clear. Their bile is green.”
“Whatever! Biology!” You cry in frustration. “And Rosewing actually wanted to donate blood, but couldn’t. To me, that’s strike two. She didn’t act like a changeling before and she wanted to donate blood. So, that leaves Comet Tail or an unknown third party that wasn’t on the list of primary suspects. If I can get in there and prove she’s not a changeling, we can focus all of our efforts on Comet Tail and the small pool of ponies who didn’t donate today.”
Reaching into your saddlebag, you fish out a half-eaten peanut butter sandwich and a notepad. “Fluttershy didn’t notice, but I started taking down each name that came through like we planned. With what happened today, we eliminated more than half the population as suspects.” With a tired sigh, you toss it to Ditzy. “Just trust me on this, I’m not going in there without a thought ‘tween my ears and on a silver platter. You got my back.”
Ditzy purses her lips as she goes through the list and sighs about half-way through. “Okay, you were thorough, that’s for sure. I just... don’t like this, okay? She’s going to be close to you. If you falter for even a second, you could be dead in seconds and I won’t be able to do a thing. And I just... can’t let that happen.”
“Ditzy, wasn’t it you who said we needed to keep our relationship professional?” You ask curtly. “You're getting too close to me and your judgement is getting clouded here. I knew what I was signing up for when I took this mission, alright? It’ll be fine. Worst case scenario, I get to watch some cheesy B-Movies on VHS.”
“I...Alright, alright,” she says throwing her hooves up. “You’re right. But you’re not going in there unarmed. I’m digging up a cache of old weapons I have buried out back for emergencies.”
Ditzy stands up and starts for the stairs, but stops at the landing. “Just... don’t die on me, okay?”
You give Ditzy a small smile. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
You remember reading about something called ‘Smiling Depression’.
It was about ponies who had depression, but didn’t look, act or even admit it. They just smiled and acted like any pony does. You honestly didn’t know how that could happen to anypony, but as you made the walk to the Ponyville Library, you could now.
“Morning Flare!” Some random mare says as you pass on by.
“Morning!” You say with an equally cheery smile to match her own.
“How’s it hanging?” A stallion asks.
“Oh, down low and to the right, last time I checked.”
The stallion guffaws and laughs himself silly. You didn’t think it was that funny or clever, but the sight alone makes you let out a chuckle of your own.
But really, you’re feeling lower than you’ve ever felt.
Ditzy’s a good mare. A good mare who deserves ponies to tell her what’s wrong and tell her the truth. Instead I’m lying and hiding. You think, swallowing dryly. I’m a horrible pony.
Your dreams weren’t the best last night. That promise Ditzy made you make last night has been gnawing at your innards and making you feel worse and worse with each passing moment.
With a small sigh, you take a step into the Golden Oaks Library and shut the door behind you. Twilight looks up from her newspaper and gives you a small smile.
“Well good morning Flare. How can I help you?” She asks nonchalantly. She still had to work on her poker face.
“Got that present for me yet?” You ask idly. “Was in the neighbourhood and thought I’d check in.”
That was a lie. You went out of your way here. You’re nervous as hell and half expecting the cat to be let out of the bag at any second. Ditzy’s smart.
Twilight sighs and shakes her head. “No, not yet. I’ll either have your present ready tonight or tomorrow morning. I still have to do the finishing touches.”
‘Finishing touches’ you’ve come to realize after these meetings means that the amnestic is still sublimating, which you only learned after asking Twilight and getting a half an hour lecture.
You give her a small nod. “Alright Twilight. You take care, okay?”
You start to make your way out the door, but stop in the doorway.
“Are you okay?” She asks with genial concern. “You seem... down.”
“Down?” You ask with a laugh. “Twilight, I’m fine. Stressed a bit, having trouble sleeping that’s about it. Worry about you, alright? I’m fine, really.”
Twilight gives you a look, but relents. “Alright... But if there is anything you want to talk about, I’m here for you. I’m your friend, after all.”
There comes a time in life when somepony, somewhere says something that carries the weight of a strong buck to the gut. And this was it.
A friend. She considers you a friend. Just like Ditzy considers you a friend. Yet you can’t tell her the straight truth. Even more so with Ditzy and she wants to take it a step further. That’s how much she trusts you and cares for you. And what are you doing?
You force yourself to smile and nod. “Don’t worry Twilight,” you manage to say. “I’m fine.”
She tries to say something, but you’re already out the door.
Getting out into the streets of Ponyville, you slink back to the Post Office, feeling lower than dirt the entire way there.
Nopony else is there. Ditzy is still on her route, Raindrops is done for the day and Thunderlane finished early.
Closing the office door behind you, you reach into your desk.
“Sometimes I hate my vices...” You mumble as you pull out a pack of cigarettes. You had one last night and promised yourself that it would be the only one. But you had another this morning and now that it’s past lunch, you’re on your third cigarette of the day.
Settling into bad habits, you hold the cigarette between your lips, light it and take a much needed drag. The minute the nicotine hits your system, you feel all your weights and all your worries just melt away with the smoke.
“Flare, we need to talk abo...out... Are you smoking?”
You look up and see Ditzy standing in the doorway with a look on her face that seemed to be a mix of anger and disappointment. “Well?”
You look to your cigarette and then to her before shrugging slowly.
“...No, see I’m burning this new kind of incense and-”
“Flare.”
“What the hell do you want me to say? ‘Yes’? It’s obvious, so why are you asking?”
“I just can’t believe you’re smoking,” Ditzy says, shutting the door behind her. “Smoking kills.”
“So do chainsaws, but we still sell them in the gardening section,” you bite back. “Besides, it’s not a constant thing.”
“There’s a reason why the royal guard call them ‘coffin nails’,” she says with glare.
Yeah, there IS a reason why they call them that. Me.
With another sigh, you let loose a puff of smoke out the window. “Only need it when I gotta steady my nerves.”
You inwardly flinch at your own words, knowing you just opened a new can of worms.
“And why do you need to ‘steady your nerves’?” She asks accusingly. “Are you finally realizing just how dangerous this is gonna be for you if I’m right?”
With a sigh, you snub out your cigarette and tuck it behind your ear. “No, I’m just realizing that Rosewing thinks this is a date and I have to play the part and have been out of the dating scene for years.” You say with a shrug. “And yes, there is the off chance she might be something a hell of a lot more dangerous.”
At least I’m not lying about that first part... You think.
“What’s got you so upset anyway?”
“I don’t like smoke, alright?” She says flatly. “Now, we got a bit of a problem. That ‘date’ you and Rosewing are going on? It’s going to be at around 6, right?”
You nod. “Yeah. And?”
“I can’t hide as easily in the area. It won’t be dark until 8.”
You let out a small sigh. “Well, can’t you just sit on a bench and read like I was?”
“You weren’t as well known as you were before. I’ll turn heads if they see me sitting on a park bench and reading a paper.” She says with a sigh. “I’ve got a reputation.”
“Cloud?”
“None. Weather team cleared them all for sunny weather tomorrow. Be more obvious than subtle.”
You grind your teeth in frustration. “Well... What do we do? If you are right, it’d take longer for backup.”
“...I don’t know,” Ditzy sighs in frustration. “Nothing going on. No movies playing. No parties. Nothing is happening nearby.”
You shake your head and get to your hooves. “Then I’ll be by myself and you’ll be at the Post Office,” you say finally. “It’s closer than your house and you can just make the excuse that you have to go in to take care of a special order or something.”
Ditzy just looks at you shocked. “If something happens, I’ll still be 5 minutes out. A lot can happen in 5 minutes.”
You nod slowly. “That’s why we hope and pray for the best,” you say. “Movie night with Rosewing starts in 3 hours. If you can find anything better by then, great. If not? It’s our best shot.”
It looks like Ditzy is trying to find some out, something she hasn’t thought of, but she finally relents and lets out a long sigh. “Fine. But if that is what we’re doing, we’re getting you ready for date-night.” She says. Without a moment’s hesitation, she snatches the cigarette from behind your ear and crushes it under her hoof.
You open your mouth to protest, but she shoots you a deathly glare.
“If I catch you smoking again, I’ll make you eat it next time. Got it?” She growls. “And that’s not a threat, that’s a promise.”
You slowly close your mouth and put your hooves up. “Alright. You got me. You won’t catch me smoking.”
Ditzy gives you a hard look, but it slowly melts. “Colonel, please. I bet there are some ponies out there who’d like to see you live a long and happy life without coughing up a lung.”
You suppress a flinch at ‘long and happy’ and sigh.
If you only knew Ditzy. What would you say? Would you care I’m almost 4 times your age? Would you care if I smoked if I told you I’m dying in two years? You give her a soft smile. If you only knew.
“Alright. Alright, I won’t smoke. I promise. Now, I gotta get ready. Still need to shower, shave and shi-”
“Actually Colonel, I need you to come to my house first. I have some things for you,” She says. “I doubt you actually have any clothes that work for this occasion and I have something. Consider it an insurance policy.”
Thinking it over, Ditzy is right. You didn’t exactly pack any good clothes for this endeavor, mostly work clothes. And you can’t wear your tuxedo that Rarity made, that’d be over dressing. You give Ditzy a shrug and get to your hooves. “Alright then, lead on.”
****************************
It feels odd to be in Ditzy’s bedroom again. The last time you were here, she stripped your clothes off and held you while she slept.
The memory of her holding you comes rushing back and you suppress a blush as you sit down on the bed.
“So,” you say, clearing your throat. “What’chya got stashed away? Some sort of fancy spy watch that shoots grappling hooks?”
“It’s under the bed, just give me a moment. I’m trying to find a shirt that will work...”
Leaning down, you grope a hoof under the bed, looking for whatever ‘it’ was. “So you do got something I can wear?”
“Yes,” Ditzy answers softly. “They were Giggles’. A lot of them he didn’t wear. It wasn’t his style. I’m looking for something with longer sleeves that can easily hide it and I know I bought something like that.”
You feel your graze against something and feel a box. “Huh, is this the ‘it’ that you keep referring to?” You ask as you pull it out. It looked like just a standard cardboard box, taped shut.
Ditzy turns around and her whole face goes white as she sees you handle it. “Put that down put that down!” She screams. Ditzy practically tackles you and wrenches the box out of your hooves.
“Whoa, sorry there! I didn’t mean to-”
“It’s fine, it’s fine.” She says, her voice cracking. “Personal things. Personal things, that’s all. Just leave it at that. Personal.”
Ditzy shoots you a glance and you see her whole face was burning red. Putting two and two together, you clear your throat. “Oh. Uh, sorry.”
When did my life become a romantic comedy? You ask yourself with a grumble.
“I’ll find the shirt next. If you’re going to keep your hooves to yourself, I need to stop you from being so curious,” she says as she puts the box back. Your watch her dip underneath the bed and pull out another box, this one more important. Made of steel and locked, you can’t help but ask.
“What do you need the lock for?”
Pulling out a key from the nightstand, Ditzy silently unlocks the box and opens it towards you.
“Because all weapons should be kept safe and locked away from curious children,” she says.
The whole thing looks like a metal bracer, but there’s more to it. On the top of it is a metal barrel, connected to a manner of fine and intricate machinery.
“What the hell is this?” You ask breathlessly.
“Minotaur engineering. Griffon tech. Pony design. Commissioned by her majesty, Celestia herself. The original itself was used in the attempted assassination King Sombra shortly after his rise to power. It failed, but the design remained. There are five of these in existence. Three are currently in the royal war room, the original in the Princess’s private vault and the fifth was built on commision for me as a favor,” she says with a growing smile. “Colonel, I’d like to introduce you to the hoof-cannon. A wrist mounted cannon capable of great damage at close to short range. A skilled shot can even use it at 30 yards.”
You’ve heard and seen a lot of things while serving Celestia, but this? This was new.
Wordlessly, she starts strapping it to your hoof. “The only problem is you have one shot, so you have to make it count. Reloading this thing takes 5 minutes and you can’t do it while wearing it. It’s the reason why they’re not more common in the guard today, beside the fact we haven’t been at war for years. Technically, it’s impractical for combat.”
“Then why are you giving it to me?” You ask with a raised eyebrow.
With a long sigh, Ditzy finishes securing the last strap. “I’m a paranoid mare who likes to have all her bases covered. And I said ‘technically’. If the changeling gets the drop on you, it’ll prove hard to use. If you’re face to face, you can potentially end the fight in a single motion.”
Grabbing your hoof with both of her, she holds your foreleg out in front of you. “It was designed for freedom of movement. It won’t trigger unless you want it to. Simply snap your wrist downwards hard-”
She does that just and you hear a loud click.
“And it’ll fire. Got all that?”
You nod dumbly. “Yeah, yeah... I think I got it,” you say quietly. “You’re really scared, aren’t you?”
Ditzy purses her lips. “I’ve got a bad feeling. I know it’s silly. But when nothing happens and you come back, I’ll just be a big worry-wart.”
“No, no...” You say, shaking your head. “Bad feelings are alright. Bad feelings mean you care. I appreciate it.” Giving your foreleg a few flexes, you smile. “And if nothing happens, we can all laugh about this later and I can call you a silly pony for worrying.”
Ditzy lets out a little giggle. “Silly pony?”
“Yeah. A silly pony who gets worried over silly things,” you say with a smile. “But thank you. Now, I really do need a shirt of some kind, this thing isn’t exactly well hidden.”
With a click of her teeth, Ditzy returns to her closet and rummages through it before pulling out a simple button up red flannel shirt.
“How’s this one?”
“Lumberjack. It works.” Taking it from her, you start to slip it on. “Even fits right.”
With a deep breath, you get to your hooves. “I’ll have my mouth and ears on before I show up to Rosewing’s door. You should be able to hear anything I can. Safeword sound alright?”
“Look at you getting all professional now,” Ditzy says with a smile. “How does ‘Evergreen’ sound?”
“Like a word I won’t use tonight unless need be,” you smile back. “In all seriousness though, I have to get going. Need to take a shower and get myself looking pretty.”
As you make your way for the door, you feel a hoof on your shoulder.
“Colonel... Please. B-”
“Be careful, I know mom I know. I’ll be home by midnight I promise.”
With another little laugh, Ditzy slowly lets go. “You better.”
****************************
You had to admit, you did clean up good.
A couple mints to get the smell of smoke off your breath, a good brush through your mane and a little confidence make you feel on top of the world.
Raising a hoof, you bring it down on Rosewing’s door sharply.
All is silent for a few moments, but you can just make out her voice through the door. “Coming!”
Slowly, the door opens and Roseing gives you a big smile. “Flare! Thank you so much for coming. Make yourself at home! I’m getting the TV set up in the living room and got the popcorn maker going right now!”
You wipe your hooves off and walk right in with a calm and collected smile.
Rosewing’s house wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, just like before.
The TV sat against one of the walls against the couch, a couple of blankets were laid out on the floor and you could hear the sound of popping popcorn in the kitchen.
If she was a changeling, she hid it very well.
“So Rose, what’s on tonight? Anything good?” You ask as you plop yourself down on the couch.
No matter how many times you saw one, TV’s still managed to impress you. You remember growing up and the radio being the big thing.
They’re not that common in areas outside Canterlot and Manehattan, but they’ve taken off these past decades.
“There’s a showing tonight for Curse of the Faceless Horse. The newspaper said the movie’s supposed to be about a petrified pony body from some sort of volcano eruption a long time ago and every scientist left alone with it ends up dead.”
“Now that sounds like an interesting movie, I...” You stop short as Rosewing joins you on the couch, just a little too close than what’s usually socially acceptable. You wouldn’t really mind if she wasn’t inching closer.
“So, uh, Rosewing... why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself?” Smooth as sandpaper. “We really haven’t talked that much, besides when I’d stop by your stall. Why invite me of all ponies?”
Rosewing shrugs. “I like you.”
That makes your heart skip a beat.
“What?”
“I like you. You’re cool, friendly and just seem like a good pony. I wanted to be your friend.”
Well that’s... “I... really don’t know what to make of that,” you say with a little laugh. “I’m flattered, though.”
Rosewing lets out a little laugh and inches closer. “As for me, well... I like gardening. I sell all sorts of flowers. I really do like roses. Fits the name,” she giggles. “I know you like lilacs. So what about you? What do you like to do for fun?”
You let out a long sigh and really think about the question. “What do I like to do for fun?” you ask yourself. “Well, I...”
You pause and start to sit up and sniff at the air. “Is that smoke?”
Right on cue, the smoke detector kicks off and your eyes dart to the kitchen. A billow of smoke and flames lick from the popcorn maker.
You hear Rosewing let out a startled cry and you’re off like a shot. You rip the plug out of the wall and run it out the side door and into an empty flowerbed. “It’s fine! It’s fine!” you yell back in, kicking some dirt onto it. “I mean, the popcorn maker is probably toast but the fire’s out!”
“Ohh no!” Rosewing moans. “I’m so sorry! I should have been watching it, but we got to talking and-”
“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay, it’s fine. No harm, no foul. I mean, we’re not going to have popcorn for the movie...”
Rosewing’s face sinks a little further and her ears splay back. “B...But...” For a moment, you think she’s about to cry until she perks right up. “I’m gonna run to the store!”
She’s already bolting for the door by the time you get the words out. “What? What for?”
“I’m gonna pick up some more popcorn, but without that stupid auto maker! Worst 30 bits I ever spent! Gonna make it the old fashioned way!” She says as she throws on a jacket. “I’ll be right back! Just relax, I’ll be like 5 minutes!”
You open your mouth to protest, but by the time you do, Rosewing is gone.
“That could have gone a lot worse...” You hear Ditzy say over the radio. “You alright?”
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine...” You say with a nod. Plopping yourself down on the couch, you hear the floor move and settle beneath your hooves. “Huh...”
“What?”
“Nothing. Sounds like Rosewing’s floor is giving out.” You say idly as you flip on the TV. “I felt it sag a bit when I sit. She’s gonna need a brace.”
“What? That’s impossible.”
“No it isn’t. I mean, my old house had an old floor and would do the same thing. Sag a bit into the basement and creak when weight shifted.”
“Colonel, I’m telling you that’s impossible.”
Sighing, you give the floor a little kick and hear the hollow thud from below and feel it move.
“Her basement just needs a couple jacks, I’ll tell her-”
“COLONEL, THAT HOUSE DOESN’T HAVE A BASEMENT!”
It finally hits you and you start to slowly get up. “...What?”
“I’ve seen the house plans, I spent hours looking over them before we made our first entry. She does NOT have a basement. She can’t.” Ditzy says firmly. “It would make her house structurally unsound.”
You feel your mouth go dry as the reality of it all starts to set in. “Well, uh... There always could be another explanation,” you say, pacing the floor. “She could be a drug dealer and the lab is underneath us.”
“Start looking for some entryway. There’s gotta be-”
“A closet. It has to be a closet. No one would expect it. No reason to go in there.” You start to ramble. “Where I’d put the entrance to my secret drug lab.”
Looking around, you find the closet on the far wall and sprint towards it. Just as you thought, the door is locked.
“Who locks a closet when they live alone?” You ask no pony in particular.
“Can you pick it?”
“No.” You say, backing up a few solid feet.
“I’ll be there, just-”
With a mighty sprint, you throw yourself at the side of the closet.
If this is nothing, I’m gonna look like one big idiot. You think as the door moves with you.
“Colonel, she’ll know something’s wrong!”
“Not immediately. Opens inward. Gives me time. Which I don’t have a lot of.”
Tearing through the closet, you look for something, anything to confirm your suspicions.
Nothing.
Going for broke, you tear up the carpet underneath and that’s when you hit paydirt. A piece of plywood covers part of the floor and ripping that off too exposes a massive hole into the underneath of the house.
“Ditzy, I found a hole in the closet. I got like, 3 minutes or something. Start getting here, I’m gonna check this out.”
You hear her say something, but you don’t hear it as you jump down the hole.
“Please be a drug lab...” You think. Hitting the bottom, you see the tunnel widen out and an eerie green glow come from the end of it.
You never liked enclosed areas and this whole place was triggering some deep seated claustrophobia. But steeling your nerves, you press onwards and round your head around the corner.
“Definitely not a drug lab,” you murmur in wide eyed shock. “Ditzy, get here now.”
The room itself was large and looking to the ceiling in the dim green light you could easily see some floorboards shining through the dirt.
But what gave you the chills was the source of the glow.
“How bad is it?”
A pony you could only guess to be the original Rosewing sat in a green cocoon stuck to one of the walls. Her form was emaciated, like she hadn’t eaten in weeks. “We’re gonna need the EMT’s...” You say breathlessly. “A lot of EMT’s.”
Rosewing wasn’t the only one. At least 4 other ponies were cocooned up, just like Rosewing and all shared the same emaciated, sickly look.
“...How many?”
“5 altogether. If we discount Rosewing, that’s 4 missing ponies. Does that make sense? I don’t remember hearing about any missing.”
“Me neither. We’ll get their story later. Listen, I’m en route. Get out of there and STALL. I’ll rush her hard and fast and she won’t know what hit her.”
You take a deep breath and look back to the captured ponies before sighing. “Take her out first. Got it.”
Making your way back down the tunnel, you leap and take into the air and up out of the changeling’s lair. Clinging to the edge of the hole, you pull yourself up and smile at the perfect crime, only to look at the front door and lock eyes with changeling Rosewing.
Her face is that of utter shock, but you have no idea what’s going on in that head of hers.
So you do the only thing that comes to mind.
“Soooooo... Come here often?” You ask with a suave little smile.
In an instant, the changeling’s face contorts and shifts ever so slightly, the normal eyes of a pony replaced by blue, bug-like eyes. She lets out a high pitched hiss and makes a pounce for you.
Letting go of the edge, you let yourself fall just a bit before flapping your wings and catching yourself, just in time to watch Rose-ling’s body collide with the far closet wall.
Seizing the moment, you take off like a shot out of the hole and into the living room.
A rustle and a hiss is your only warning and you know just what was coming.
Ditzy’s training made your entire body tuned to the signs and signals of a changeling attack and you knew that thing pretending to be Rosewing was pouncing through the air.
With a quick jerk, you’re on your back and under the changeling’s dive. Digging your back hoove’s into its gut, you let out a grunt and use its own momentum against it.
One moment it was sailing towards you, the next it's colliding with the television.
“You bastard,” it chitters and grunts, standing up shakily. “That TV was expensive...”
Every part of you wants to engage in some witty banter, but you know better. You know your mission. With a flick of your foreleg, you have the hoof cannon pointed right at the changeling.
You start to take aim.
And then the changeling starts to scramble for the door.
You don’t know if it knows what you’re packing, but it knows something is being pointed at it and it can’t be good.
With a plume of green flame, the changeling is Rosewing again and galloping into the streets.
Flapping your wings and taking to the air, you get a bird’s eye view and focus all your attention on the changeling.
“Had a shot. Too far for comfort, had to aim. Gave the changeling a chance, it's running.”
“Where?”
“Down east and main, heading to Whitetail Woods. Currently disguised as Rosewi-”
If you had blinked, you would have missed it. In a small flash of green down an empty alley, Rosewing becomes a new pony.
“Change. Mr. Breezy.”
And again.
“Change. Emerald Green.”
And again. I am SO glad I forced myself to learn everypony’s name, you think with a smug smile.
“Change. Honeylime.”
And again.
“Change again. Cherry Berry. We’re at the outskirts now, bearing north to northeast. Target is stable. ETA?”
“I’m less than a minute. Don’t lose sight.”
“Roger.”
Coming in low to the ground, you fly less than a hoof’s throw away from the ground and keep up your speed.
The changeling gives you a few glances over its shoulder and tries to pick up its speed.
That is, before getting hit at full speed by Ditzy side-on.
You watch them tumble to the ground and see Ditzy get the changeling in a full-nelson.
“I got it! I go-”
That was about as much as she was able to get out before the changeling started rapidly shifting from one form to another and wrenching itself every which way. You galloped towards the two, but didn’t even know where to start. But you did see something that they didn’t.
“Ditzy, the edge!”
The chase just had to have ended on top of a hill. Ditzy and the changeling go over the edge and start to tumble down. You dart after them and see Ditzy still holding on for dear life.
Both parties hit the bottom and tumble through a thorn bush and you’re there on the other side.
“Are you okay?!?” You cry out as you touch down. “Are you-”
Ditzy springs to her hooves.
And so does Ditzy.
You raise your hoof cannon and point it between the two before letting out a long, irritated moan.
They looked identical, right down to the wounds and scowl they both wore, directed at the each other.
“No. Come on, no not this. Not this cliche!” You moan out. “Seriously?! We’re doing this? We’re seriously doing this? What the hell am I supposed to do? Start asking personal questions?”
“You have to believe me, she’s the changeling! I was on top of her when she fell!” Ditzy number 1 yells. “Please, I’m the real one!”
You could already feel a headache coming on.
“She’s right. You should shoot me, since she’s obviously the real one.” Ditzy number 2 says.
“Don’t listen t-WAIT, WHAT?!?”
With a snap of your wrist, you level the hoof canon at Ditzy number 1 and fire.
The shot rings out and sounds like a thundercloud just let loose in front of your face.
You had it pointed at her chest and for a split second, you feel like you just made the biggest mistake in your life.
The look on Ditzy’s face; the surprise, the shock and unbelieving stare into your soul as she tries to struggle out a response.
The plume of green fire gives you some sense of relief however and you find yourself letting go of a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.
A slimy, clear liquid starts to dribble from a small hole in the changeling’s chest and it collapses in a heap.
“Oh sweet Celestia, I’m so glad that worked...” Ditzy says, sighing in relief.
“Wha...” You ask dumbly, still trying to process everything that just happened.
“You brought up cliches. That’s what the changeling was hoping on. A cliche. It was trying to buy time.” She says as she looks to you with a big, bright smile. “Figured if I broke the cliche, you’d know who was who.”
It starts off as a chuckle, but you find yourself laughing harder and harder. In one smooth motion, you wrap your hooves around Ditzy and bring her into a crushing embrace.
“I’m soo glad you did that,” you mumble out with a smile. “It’s over. It’s over.”
All we gotta do is bag and tag the changeling, get the captives to a hos-
First comes a rustle.
And then a hiss.
And you do the only thing you can think of: fling Ditzy away as hard as possible.
You turn just in time to watch the changeling pounce on top of you. You struggle and push, but all you can do is let out a strangled cry as a pair of fangs dig itself into your neck and fire races through your veins.
“COLONEL!”
For some reason, the changeling isn’t on top of you anymore.
It’s hard to see... Why’s it so hard to see? You think.
You hear dull thumps and snaps echo through the woods and you futilely try to swallow the lump in your throat. Your throat’s warm and your veins are on fire. That’s when words Ditzy said a while back echo in your head.
“If you don’t bleed out first, the poison will hit your heart and kill right about... Now.”
“Ohhh... Right...” You strangle out.
“Colonel, colonel please. Please stay with me. Stay with me, you can do this.”
You blink rapidly and stare up at Ditzy. And all you can do is laugh when it finally hits you.
“Looks like we couldn’t avoid... every cliche...” You moan out.
She opens her mouth to say something but is cut off when you let out a scream. You thought the poison would hit your heart and just kill you, not torture you.
You arc your back and let out another blood curdling scream as every fiber of your being felt like it was being stretched and pulled and compressed in every which way.
You feel like you’re shaking and look to Ditzy. She doesn’t look as scared anymore.
Horrified would be a better word.
Just as your vision starts to fade, you hear her speak.
“What the buck is going on.”
****************************
The first thing you hear is a heart monitor, the slow, methodical beeping bringing you back to the land of the living. The next is the pain. Your whole body aches; every joint, every bone.
Everything.
Every breath hurts and you have a burning in your chest that gets worse by the moment.
“I’m telling you, he looked like a bucking colt when I brought him in! Dinky looked older! Now he’s old enough to be Granny Smith’s father! And that was AFTER the bucking anti-venom!”
You hear somepony yell. The cobwebs start to slowly be lifted and you open your eyes slowly.
“I WANT SOME BUCKING ANSWERS AND I WANT THEM NOW! CHANGELING VENOM KILLS. IT DOESN’T DO THIS!”
You’re in a hospital bed. There are least seven different IV’s in your forelegs. But that’s not the worrying part. They look... wrinkled. Ancient.
“It’s possible his condition has something to do with this,” a new pony says. “The changeling venom could have exacerbated his-”
“His condition?WHAT CONDITION?!?”
You hear the heart rate monitor pick up a bit, but you don’t care and start to sit up. Your eyes move across the wall and you slowly realize you’re in a Canterlot infirmary. Then your eyes meet the mirror.
“Wha...”
You finally look your age, you hear Honeydew snicker in the back of your mind.
You know now why you feel so bad.
You’re ancient.
The beeping of the monitor kicks into overdrive and whatever yelling match the ponies in the other room were having is cut short as you go into a panic attack.
Years. I was supposed to have years. Not months. Days. You think with tears in your eyes. Hours.
Your heart hurts more than ever and a number of nurses and doctors start pouring over you.
The doctor starts barking out orders while the nurse tries to talk to you and ask you questions.
Looking around the room, you see Ditzy, looking at you in horror. And standing next to her is Twilight.
You may be old, but you can still hear. And you hear what Twilight says. “I’ll tell you everything.”
Those words hurt more than anything right now and you feel the tears really start to flow. “I’m sorry,” you croak out, your voice ragged and gravely. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Get me a sedative! He’s going to kill himself if he keeps this up!”
You keep your eyes glued on Ditzy and just keep repeating yourself, for all the good you know it’ll do.
Something cold hits your veins and once more, you find yourself out like a light.
****************************
It’s a case of deja vu when you find yourself coming to again to the sound of the heart monitor. But this time, it’s a lot stronger sounding. And you don’t hurt nearly as much as you did before.
Slowly, you open your eyes and find your forelegs to be closer to what you’re used to.
“Sleep well?”
Ditzy’s voice cuts through you like a knife. It’s not a relieved tone, or even angry. It’s like ice water.
You turn slowly and lock eyes with Ditzy. “W...What happened?”
“Celestia called in your own personal doctors. They say that your body is reacting to the changeling venom. It’s chaotic by nature, a lot like Discord’s magic and interacting with yours. They don’t know what’s happening, but they know it can affect your body. Change it. They’re experimenting.”
She glances up at the IV bags. You follow her gaze and see a bag of bright, green goo and an IV going right into your wrist.
“Wha...”
“Why’d you lie to me?”
You tense up. You wet your lips and remain quiet. You knew she wasn’t done.
“Better yet, why did the Princess lie to me? Why didn’t either of you tell me of your condition? Why did I have to learn it from Twilight?”
“I-”
“And even moreso, why the BUCK was she brewing an AMNESIAC under YOUR direction?!?” Ditzy’s lost her composure. She’s angry and not hiding it. “WELL?!?”
You shake your head slowly. “Condition is... classified...” You mumble out. “Only a hoofful of ponies know.”
“Oh and you didn’t think it was important that I know?!? I thought I was dealing with just another officer! I could have taken a hell of lot more steps if I knew you had close to a century of experience!” Ditzy yells.
She waits for you to say something, but you just stare ahead, trying to hold yourself together.
“What was your plan?” She finally asks. “Seriously. Did you plan on actually using that amnesiac? What were you going to do? Make me forget? Slip away, enjoy the next 100 years without someone like me wei-”
“I’m dying.”
Ditzy’s rant is cut short and she just looks at you, her lip curled up slightly. “What? No, you’re not. The doctors say your condition right now is stable and-”
“Stable is me dying of massive cellular decay in two years.” You feel the tears coming hot and fast now. “I’ve been trying so hard to avoid this. You don’t deserve this.”
You swallow again and try to find your composure, but it’s long gone. “Another time, another life, another chance and I’d’ve asked you out at first sight. You are an amazing mare and you deserve so much. Not this. Not me.”
Taking a deep breath, you steel yourself. “You’re right. I was going to make you forget. Cause I know you. You’ve made a decision and you weren’t gonna back down.” Taking a deep breath, you stare right into Ditzy’s eyes. “You wanted to take this a step further, right?”
“I... I...” Ditzy looks embarrassed and her eyes dart to the floor. “...I... considered it, yes.”
You let out a laugh and sigh. “Called it. Listen Ditzy. I need you to promise me you’ll do something. You have to do this for me.”
“Colonel, I don’t know what you’re planning, but-”
“Sorry to interrupt, but... we’ve got some of the latest labs back.”
Both you and Ditzy look to the doorway.
“Doctor Sure-Cut,” you say with a grimace. “Really know how to ruin the drama.” You say the last words with venom. “What now? We both know it don’t matter. None of it matters. I know when I’m done and I’m ready. Please stop with this false hope and maybes and-”
“If you’d let me tell you, you’d learn it’s not false,” he says curtly. “We’ve been doing some experimentation with Miss Twilight and we have some good news. Very good news.”
There comes a time in life when somepony, somewhere says something that carries the weight of a strong buck to the gut.
“G...Good news?” Your jaw slowly starts to fall.
“What’s the good news?” Ditzy asks breathlessly.
Doctor Sure-Cut just smiles from ear to ear and gives you a look that makes you want to hit him.
That bastard's going to make me eat my words, isn’t he?
You did your best to scowl, to let everypony know in the room that you weren’t happy about your current situation.
But given your current situation, the scowl came off as more of a pout which just somehow makes everything worse.
“Awwwww~” Ditzy coos aloud, rubbing her cheek against yours. “Is someone being a grumpykins?”
“This isn’t funny.” You said with as much venom you could muster. Yet, it didn’t really seem to work because your high pitched, foal-like voice just made Ditzy giggle and fawn over you more.
“Subject has currently been regressed to the apparent age of 4 years old. On top of losing muscle, bone and body mass, subject completely lacks a cutie mark as with measurements made at 7 and 12 years old.”
“You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you Twilight?” You say, lisping all the while.
“Yes!” She says with no lack of enthusiasm. “This is a whole new phenomena that has never been documented! I’m going to be able to write several papers on this session alone!”
“And you’re just too cute as this!” Ditzy says, keeping you firmly in her lap. “I might ask them to keep you like this.” You feel her grasp tighten up around your waist and feel her lean in. “As payback for lying and plotting behind my back.”
“Ditzy, I told you I’m sorry and that we’d talk!” You cry out. “You’re just being bucking spiteful at th-”
“Language!”
Both you and Twilight flinch at the sudden outburst and look at Ditzy, who starts blushing furiously. “Uh, sorry. Amethyst had a potty mouth growing up. It’s force of habit.”
With a long sigh, you just stop struggling in Ditzy’s grip. “Can you please change me back now? If I get any younger, I’m going to have to start wearing diapers. And I’m getting seriously sick and tired of Ditzy coddling me.”
“Oh come off it Colonel, I know you like the attention.”
You blush ever so slightly. She was kinda right. It felt nice having Ditzy just doting on you and cuddling you. But you’d probably enjoy it a bit more if you had a say in it. And had a chance to use the bathroom.
“I’m serious Ditzy, lemme go. I’ll make this unbearable.” You feel yourself start to smile as a wicked idea crosses your mind. “One and only warning, Ditzy. You won’t like it.”
With the gauntlet thrown down, Ditzy scoffs aloud and starts to bring you in for another cuddle. “Colonel, I don’t think there’s-
Just as she starts rubbing at your tummy, you let out the loudest, sensual moan you could and flex your body into her hooves.
Immediately, she lets go and shoots back to the head of the bed, looking at you with a growing blush and wide eyes.
Hamming it up, you look at her with half lidded eyes and play with your lower lip. “What are we gonna do on the bed, momma?” You say breathlessly.
The look of utter shock and horror on Ditzy’s face is only matched by the deep red of her face as she sputters and tries to find anything to say.
“Told ya.”
The silence in the room is deafening, but you’re fine with it having gotten what you wanted. Hopping off the hospital bed with a grunt, you saunter past Twilight.
“When I get back, I better be get to go through puberty at least.”
You leave the two mares in their awkward silence and close the door behind you. You couldn’t help but marvel at everything being so big.
Using the stool they brought in for you, you bring yourself up to the sink and look yourself in the mirror.
You honestly can’t remember being this old. Back when things were a lot simpler and the only thing to worry about was what was for dinner.
“Still can’t believe it,” you think with a little laugh.
This was your saving grace. The curse you’ve lived with for almost your whole life, the thing that was gonna kill you, is what’s giving you a new lease on life.
You still can hear Twilight’s words echo in your ears.
The magic that has been keeping you alive and young had actually began to go dormant and dissipate. That’s what caused your sudden aging. But with the chaotic nature of the Changeling venom in your system, the healing magic went into overdrive and started fighting back. We don’t know the specifics yet, but from the looks of it, if you have the venom in your system, even in small amounts, it can keep you going for a little longer.
A little longer.
“30 years. 40 if I’m lucky,” you say numbly. “So probably 30 years.”
Finally taking care of business and walking out of the bathroom, you look around and only find Ditzy, sitting in a chair in the corner of the room.
“Where’s Twilight?”
“Oh, she had to run a few tests,” Ditzy says. “After that, she was going to get you the new dosage. You should be around your usual age within a couple hours, give or take some years.”
You smile and make your way towards the bed. “Good. As fun as it is being a kid again, I can’t exactly do all the fun stuff adults get to and I get a whole new mess of problems.”
“Like?”
“Can’t drink, can’t watch R rated movies, can’t order my own meals...” You let out a little grunt as you futilely try to pull yourself onto the bed. “Can’t... climb small obstacles...”
You grunt and try, but finally feel a pair of hooves hook under your forelegs and pull you up.
“But on the plus, you’re cute and can get away with almost anything.” Ditzy says, leaving you shifting uncomfortably. “Almost.”
With a long sigh, you knew this was going to happen sooner or later but you wished it was later.
“Where should I start? That I was an idiot? That I thought that it would be for the best if I just disappeared?”
“Yes. You are an idiot,” she says bluntly. “I would have figured out I had my memories altered sooner or later. Time lost is still time lost.”
You bite your lip. “Would have at least bought me time...”
“How? All it would take is one pony to ask me where Flare is and when I said ‘who’, everypony would know something was up and that would have been day one.” With a heavy sigh, she puts a hoof on your back. “You’ve watched one too many spy movies. You could have just talked with me.”
Her words sting because you know she’s right. And thanks to her tone and the way she loomed over you, you feel like a kid again at the scolding.
She’s not mad, she’s disappointed. And that’s what makes it hurt even more.
“What were you even thinking?”
Her words dig into you and you fight back the tears as best you can.
“I wasn’t blind,” you say bitterly. “I could see where everything was going. And when you asked me to ‘dinner’, I knew I had to do something.”
“I... I was scared,” you finally manage to whisper out. “I was scared you’d ask me to stay with you. And knowing you... You’d convince me. And I would stay. And I’d do whatever it took to make you happy.”
You can see the gears start to turn in Ditzy’s head, but you push back a sniffle and continue.
“You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve a few moments of happiness only to have it snuffed out. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that to you. I’ll admit what I did was horrible. But I couldn’t bare to put you through that.” You wipe away at your tears quickly. “You deserve better.”
Ditzy just looks you over and slowly she starts to smile. “It’s hard to take you serious when you look and sound like a foal.”
“Wha-” You sputter in indignation, but that’s quickly squashed as she wraps her hooves around you and brings you close.
“I’ll admit... I wouldn’t have taken it that well if you had told me everything. That the one pony who made me feel special again was going to disappear just when I met them. But trust me. If you had gone through with your plan and I got my memory back, I would have dragged you back to Canterlot in a body bag.”
You tense up and know that wasn’t a threat and open your mouth nervously but stop when Ditzy lets out a long, tired sigh.
“I’m going to give you something I don’t give a lot of ponies... Another chance. You broke my trust and went behind my back and I would leave any other pony who did that to me a broken mess. But you did it all because you couldn’t stand to see me hurt and that at least counts for something.” You look up to her and Ditzy’s soft smile makes your heart melt. “But you’re on probation. If you so much as tell me one little white lie, I’ll-”
“Tan my hide?”
“Tan it, stitch it and wear it for a hat.”
You nod slowly. “Alright. Alright, I can live with that...”
“Good,” Ditzy says above a whisper. With a bit of a yawn, she curls up with you on the bed, encompassing your body with hers and even using her wing to cover you like a blanket.
“Get some rest. It’ll take at least 3 hours to harvest more venom.”
You don’t know if it’s the warm cuddling or your new form, but a nap sounds great. “Yeah... Yeaaaaa~” You let out small, squeaky yawn and start to get yourself comfortable, burying your face into Ditzy’s side. Just as you feel yourself start to drift off, something hits you and your eyes snap open.
“Wait. What do you mean harvest? I-”
You have so many questions on your mind, but Ditzy shushes you and cuddles you just a bit tighter. And soon, you’re fighting just to stay awake.
************************************************
“Damn.” You say, walking down the hall. “So you didn’t kill the changeling?”
Ditzy hears the surprise in your voice and lets out a little scoff. “Not for lack of trying. How it survived after I was through with it is just a big surprise as carrying you to Twilight’s in a bundle.” Leading you down the hall, you see the amount of guards increase. “It was actually dragging itself away with all of its legs broken and a cracked spine. So we’re not taking any chances.”
Finally, you’re lead to a door and large pane glass window and get to see it up close without its jaws snapping at you.
The changeling itself is covered in bandages and casts while being secured spread eagle on the bed with thick belts, the largest going over its midsection.
“It’s almost given up resisting. It still spits death curses at us, but it tends to go quiet when I get in there.”
“Gee, I wonder why?” You ask sarcastically.
“We’re still trying to find a sedative that works longer than half an hour on it, but once we do, we’ll question it fully and then put it in a completely vegetative state.”
You try to find something witty or clever to say, but getting a good look at the thing that almost killed you sends a chill up your spine and leaves you lacking in the wit department.
“So, what. Do they just do the thing they do with cobras and get the venom that way?”
Ditzy nods and starts leading you away. “Yes, but with a few more steps. Now, while I’m sure you want to gloat about surviving-”
“Not really,” you say flatly. “It thinking I’m dead is a lot better.”
“Oh?” Ditzy asks, raising a single eyebrow. “What makes you think that?”
You let out a laugh. “Simple. If he knows he failed and that I’m alive and slightly responsible for his current predicament, if he gets out, who do you think he’s going for first?” You let the question hang in the air for a moment before continuing down the hallway. “No thank you. Had enough adventure to last me another lifetime, thank you.”
“Wrong way, Colonel.”
You spin on your heels and go down the opposite corridor. “Sorry, been awhile since I’ve been in this part of the castle. And I swear, Celestia likes to change it around every few years just to keep ponies lost and confused. Wouldn’t put it past her.”
“Well, we can always ask her at your debriefing.” Ditzy says wryly. “I learned quite a bit during my debriefing.”
Ohh dear. Celly baby, what were you telling her? You think with a long sigh.
“Like what?” You ask slowly.
“Well, you see, my debriefing was rather quick after explaining what happened. And with every other pony preoccupied, Celestia and I passed the time by talking.”
“Uh oh.”
“Oh what’s the matter?” She asks with a growing smile. “We just talked and then the conversation turned to you.”
“Ohhhhh no...”
“Oh don’t worry, we didn’t talk about much. Just a bit of your history, what you’ve done in service to the crown.”
You let out a little breath. “And here I thought you two would be gossiping about me. I know what you mares are like.”
“Ohh I’m sure you do... Jack.”
You tense up and let out a groan that starts low but gets louder. “Seriously?!? She told you? She told you that old nickname?”
Ditzy gives you a shit eating grin and just nods. “How did she put it? ‘He wanted so badly to be the ‘ace in the hole’ of the Equestrian Air Force as he put it. He pushed himself hard, but he always ended up just a little short and would get himself into trouble. He wasn’t an ace. He was a jack at best’. That’s what she said, at least.”
You moan and shake your head. “That was decades ago... Back when I was young and stupid.”
“Oh come now, I think it’s appropriate for you. It fits you to a ‘T’, Jack.”
You just purse your lips and shake your head, vowing to get back at Celestia. “What kind of name is ‘Jack’ anyway?” You mumble. “Let’s just get this debriefing over with so we can finally put this all behind us.”
Ditzy takes great pleasure in your growing irritation as she tells you what happened between the attack and your arrival at the hospital, using your new nickname at any given chance. By the time you arrive at the war room, you’re fuming but hiding it well.
The familiar table has Princess Luna, Prince Shining Armor, but no Princess Celestia.
“Well, well, well! How are all you happy campers doing?” You ask with a smile, taking your seat right across from Celestia’s empty chair and Ditzy taking a seat next to you.
Princess Luna clears her throat, visibly taken aback from your candid behavior. “Well, considering that your mission was a success in that you not only discovered the changeling, but we now have them as a prisoner of war, very well.”
“I can’t help but feel we should have just euthanized it,” Shining Armor says grimly. “We have no idea if it's talking with Chrysalis and relaying information.”
“I’ve already taken that into consideration, Shining.”
Celestia’s confident and calm voice cuts through the air and makes every head turn towards the doorway.
Given the opportunity, you don’t pass it up.
“Celestia! There you are. I was starting to get worried. You didn’t get stuck in the hobbler again, did you?”
Princess Celestia visibly stumbles and any cool and calm demeanor is replaced by a look of horror and growing blush. You can practically hear the click of every jaw dropping in the room, save for your smug grin.
“I, uh... I was seeing to my student. She was going over the long term effects of the changeling venom.”
“Oh really?” You ask, smiling from ear to ear. “Mind filling me in a bit, then? I’d like to know if this new lease on life has any strings attached.”
It’s taken a long time, but you’ve learned all of Celestia’s tells. And you can tell she’s sweating.
“While I don’t have all the details, there isn’t anything major to worry about. Now, let us get down to business, shall we?”
Taking her seat across from you, you just stare at Celestia, making her shift about as you just keep smiling.
“Not fun when someone else digs up something embarrassing from your past, huh?”
You see Celestia’s muzzle scrunch up ever so much as she bites back a response, but with a small breath, she puts the mask of civility and royalty you’ve grown so accustomed to and gives you a gentle smile.
“We’ll talk about this at a later date, Colonel. We have business to attend to.”
Which was code for ‘I’m going to get you back for this, just wait’.
But you just simply laugh and recline in your chair. “Well then, shall we get started? I’d say our mission was a rousing success. The changeling’s been found, I got my payback and on top of everything, that little prostate problem I had that we won’t go into is gone.”
Your candidness leaves every pony at the table a little stunned.
“You... do look younger than you did at the briefing.” Shining says as he gives you a good once over.
You smile from ear to ear. “Forties then, thirties now.”
“You do look more... well, handsome if I’m being completely honest,” Princess Luna says. “It seems the Changeling venom is working well.”
At Princess Luna’s words, you can almost feel Ditzy tense up slightly next to you. That makes you laugh aloud a bit.
“Ahh, should have seen me in my twenties. I was a little heartbreaker back then.”
“No argument there...”
Everypony in the room shoots a glance to Celestia and just stares until she finally straightens up. She blinks a few time before she lets out a little gasp. “I said that out loud.”
All you can do is let out a long groan and drag your hoof down your face, knowing full well you were going to get an ear-full from Ditzy.
You didn’t even have to look ever to her. You could feel her eyes on you, burning a hole into the side of your face.
Clearing his throat, Shining picks up the papers in front of him and starts going through them. “To move onto a completely different topic as fast as possible, let’s just go over the debriefing, shall we?”
“Sounds like a plan! Sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can start my vacation.”
Shining Armor opens his mouth, but before he can speak, is cut off.
“And just where did you have in mind Colonel?” Celestia asks with a little smirk. “Still have your eyes set on Summerset Keys?”
You take a breath and look to Ditzy, who’s eyeing you up and just waiting. “Well... maybe later. I have time now, after all. I hear Ponyville is lovely come winter.”
After a pregnant pause, Shining clears his throat. “Anyway! You had accepted to go... on a date with one Rosewing when you discovered a key piece of information that...”
Shining’s voice drones on as he retells what you just lived through and what no doubt Ditzy had already told them. Turning to the mare in question, you lean in and whisper.
“What time is it?”
She doesn’t miss a beat and keeps her eyes pointed forward towards Shining. “5:25 in the evening... Jack.”
The nickname doesn’t bug you as much this time, but the time does and you click your teeth. “Great... We’ll have to wait.”
Ditzy doesn’t say anything, but you can tell from her sideways glance that she’s curious.
“DiCatria’s has a dinner special that starts around 6:30. Make the best pizza and pasta this side of Equestria.” You say matter-of-factly. “Wanna go there after this? You and me?”
Your words ping around in Ditzy’s head as she realizes just what you’re asking. You watch as a smile slowly starts to creep across her face. “I’d love to,” she whispers.
“Anything you’d like to add, Colonel?” Shining asks, sounding increasingly annoyed.
“Yeah, I’d like to add an order of garlic knots and mozzarella sticks, I am so hungry right now. I would have eaten the hospital food, but I thought the point of me being there was to get better.”
Shining sputters in indignation while Ditzy tries, and fails, to hold back a giggle.
“Colonel, are you being serious right now?” Shining asks, a hint of anger in his voice.
“As a heart attack.”
His eyes go between Princess Celestia and Princess Luna and finally, Celestia lets out a sigh.
“Just work around him, Shining.” Celestia says plainly.
You give the table a smile after prying your eyes away from Ditzy’s and get comfortable.
Gonna give her a night she won’t forget. You think with a whimsical smile. She deserves it.
******************************************
“Ha-Hey!” The brown earth pony behind the counter screams, mid dough toss. “Well looky-look who came around again! You’re looking good. You get a haircut?”
“Hey there High Slice! Got a table for two?” You ask excitedly. “And kinda. Long story, boring plot and unlikeable characters.”
“Ahh whatever. Go grab whatever table you want!” He says with a flourish. “I’ll send Wendy out ASAP to get your order, might be a little bit though! We are getting slammed tonight!”
You give him a nod and a smile and lead Ditzy through the restaurant. “I’ve never been here before,” she comments. “I take it they’re good?”
“They’re a little out of the way, but they’re damn good.” Finding a table, you quickly sit down and toss a menu Ditzy’s way. “Just don’t be put off by what they offer.”
You start scanning through the dishes and hear Ditzy start. “What do youuuuu... Col-” She stops, sighs and collects herself. “Jack?”
“Yeeees?” You ask with a little grin.
“They have meat on the menu. Pepperoni, sausage, ham... Why do they have meat on the menu?”
“They cater to just about everyone. Griffons, ponies, minotaurs, zebras... Doesn’t matter who. Just because they have meat on the menu doesn’t mean you have to order it.”
Ditzy lets out a little sigh. “No, I don’t. You’re right. It’s still a little off-putting...”
You push your menu aside and just watch Ditzy as she looks over the menu, her brow scrunching her eyes narrowing as she reads certain menu items. “Some of these sound... interesting. I’ve never heard of a pizza place that serves rice balls.”
“They’re not Neighponese rice balls if that’s what you’re thinking,” you say. “They’re these weird little rice balls that are breaded, fried and stuffed with cheese. They’re pretty good.”
Ditzy nods slowly, but remains silent as she keeps reading.
“So, Ditzy...” You start slowly. “I... really don’t know how to ask this.”
Her eyes dart up quickly from the menu. “What?”
“Well... As much as I want to stay in Ponyville, I think it’d be a good idea to go on that vacation I originally planned on.”
“What.” Her tone is firm and you flinch slightly. “What do you mean-”
“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t be like. I was trying to figure out how to ask if... you’d like to come with me,” you say sheepishly. “I’m rusty when it comes to asking somepony out.”
“And you do you call this?” She asks incredulously.
You shrug. “Warm up?”
Out of the corner of your eye, you see the Griffon waitress walking up to your table. “Couple root beers and a basket of garlic knots to start us off? We’re still deciding.”
She blinks and gives you a smile. “Sure! I’ll be right back.”
You turn back to Ditzy, whose gaze is starting to make you rethink this idea. “What about the post office?”
“We ask for some subs. Either from the big boss or from Celestia. She still owes me.”
“Owes you for what?”
You bite your lip and sigh. “It’s complicated, let’s just leave it at that. I wish I could say that she learned her lesson, but from what I’ve heard, she hasn’t...”
You let that hang in the air for just a moment too long before forcing a smile. “But yeah, we can get subs, get a housesitter-”
“You mean a babysitter. Somepony has to watch Amethyst and Dinky.”
You blink. “You don’t want them to come with us?”
You almost regret the words coming out of your mouth, but Ditzy looks to the ground guiltily. “As much as I love my children... It’s been awhile since I’ve had some time to myself.” She looks up to you with a frown. “Does that make me a bad mother?”
You laugh aloud. “Every parent thinks that. When’s the last time you had a vacation to yourself? And besides, it’s not like you’re running away. You’d be back in a week to spoil them again.”
You let her ponder that as Wendy walks up with your drinks and appetizer. “So, what can I get you two?”
“Yeah, how about a personal deep dish? Green peppers, olives, onions and tomatoes.”
“I’ll have the same,” Ditzy says. “Except no on onions.”
Alone once again, you and Ditzy lapse into silence.
“I’ll ask them,” Ditzy finally says, taking one of the garlic knots.
You nod slowly and go for another garlic knot when Ditzy beats you out to it. You look up to her and she looks a little surprised, but gives you a sly smile as she bites into it. “Gotta be faster than that...Jack~” The way she says that old nickname of yours sends a chill through your spine. She wanted to play? Fine. You play for keeps.
You wait for her to go for another one and just as she reaches out, you run your leg up the inside of hers. Her breath hitches and she straightens up, giving you a chance to swipe the knot she was after.
Ditzy just stares daggers at you as you happily eat your prize and you wear the biggest grin. “That wasn’t fair.”
“All’s fair in love and war,” you say without thinking. You freeze and look up to Ditzy, hoping you didn’t just put your hoof in your mouth and found she was staring at you in surprise. Finally, she seems to relax and give you the most genuine smile you’ve seen her ever give. “I suppose so,” she says softly.
Dinner was short lived as time made enemies of you both. With the last train to Ponyville leaving soon, you and Ditzy board and start making your way to your cabin.
“I still don’t see why we have to leave tonight and not in the morning. The girls are at Carrot Top’s, we could have stayed in Canterlot for a little while longer.” Ditzy takes her seat with a small huff. “I figured we could enjoy ourselves a little and take advantage of the castle bedrooms.”
“Are you kidding me?” You ask with a dry laugh. “Celestia would have had me in the stocks when I woke up. I’m still going to need to watch my back.”
For a brief second, you almost go to sit across from Ditzy but stop. Instead, you sit right next down to her.
“It has been... a long night,” you say tiredly.
“Long two days, actually.” Ditzy corrects you. “I’ve been in Canterlot for a couple days on important business. At least, that’s what Amethyst, Dinky and Carrot Top think.”
“And what’s my story?”
“Same as mine. We managed to get you out without much trouble.” With a long, drawn out breath Ditz rests her head on your shoulder and visibly relaxes. Carefully, you slip a hoof around her shoulder and hold her.
“Thank you,” you say above a whisper. Like some unknown weight was taken off your back, you relax for what feels like the first time in months. Closing your eyes, you let yourself drift off to sleep.
A series of loud beeps stirs you from your sleep and with a groan, you grope for the nightstand and silence the clock.
For a brief moment, you relish the feeling of the warm bed, but you know it’s not going to last long. Because while it is a weekend and you’ve got the day off, you can’t stay in bed all day.
She wouldn’t like it.
You turn your head and see Ditzy, still asleep. She didn’t sleep like a princess, instead electing to sleep spread eagle and with a light snore. Well, that is unless she cuddles up to you in the middle of the night.
It’s been a week since coming back to Ponyville and there have been a lot of awkward moments. Twilight wasn’t happy about being an unwitting accomplice in your plan and as part of your punishment, you have to write ‘friendship reports’ to Princess Celestia about how you’ve been slipping back into civilian life.
On top of that, Amethyst wasn’t too keen on you moving in. That’s what last night’s shouting match between Ditzy and her showed you at least. But now she’s going to be giving you a chance, so that’s good.
With a long sigh, you get up as carefully as you can. The last thing you wanted to do was wake Ditzy on her day off.
Letting out a yawn, you fumble through the closet and grab a bathrobe and make your way downstairs. While the mail isn’t in, the paper is and you need to check the headlines.
Opening the door with another yawn, you reach down to grab the paper, only to find yourself eye to eye with a stallion
A stallion with a bag in his mouth at the doorstep.
For a few seconds, it’s just a staring contest between the earth pony and you, his eyes only darting to your bathrobe for a second.
Finally, you speak up.
“Who the fuck are you?”
The words haven’t even finished leaving your mouth when he flings the bag into your face before turning to run. You hear the jingle of coins as the bag lands, but dash after him. Before long, you catch up to him and fling yourself into his side and start tumble through the street leading towards the town square.
He turns, his hooves sliding with a with a screech on the dew-laden cobblestone and he lashes out with his hind legs.
You try to throw up any kind of defense, but catch both legs to your side and feel the wind knocked out of you.
That’s all he needed and he’s off like a shot. You stumble after him, wheezing and panting as you try to get your wind back, but he rounds a corner and he’s gone.
Plopping yourself down on the ground, you just focus on catching your breath.
“Sir! Sir are you alright?”
Turning your head, you look to the royal guard and manage a half chuckle.
“Just my pride and three ribs. I’ll be fine.”
“Who did this to you?” He asks, helping you up.
“Some pony who had a bag that was on our doorstep,” you say and cough roughly. “That’s better. The guy freaked out when he saw me and bucked me.”
“Do you have a description?”
You nod. “Earth pony. Deep blue coat. Brown mane, brown eyes.”
“Cutie mark?” The guard asks.
You shake your head and start making your way back home. “Couldn’t see it, it all happened so fast.”
“Well, we’ll put out an alert to be on the look for any pony matching the description. Do you need to go to the hospital?”
“Nah, I’ll be fine. Trust me, I’m built of tougher stuff,” you try to laugh, but you definitely cracked a rib and wince. “Thanks.”
You try to wrack your brain to figure out just what happened. Pony leaves money on doorstop. Pony feels threatened. Pony runs off.
What were they threatened about? You think. That’s when you stop and suppress a moan. The last thing you needed was another mystery. Especially with vacation just right around the corner.
“Jack?”
You’re torn from your thoughts and see Ditzy gathering the coins. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
Last thing I’m going to do is lie. I like my hide, you think with a sigh.
“First, lemme ask. Why are you taking that money?”
She gathers up the bag, the newspaper and the milk. “It’s from the Widows and Orphans Fund from the Royal Armed Forces. I get it every other week. What happened?”
You blink a few times and feel your mind start to race. There’s no such thing as the Widows and Orphans Fund. What if he wasn’t taking the bag? Ditzy looks to you expectantly. But I have no way of proving that.
“Well, I think some pony tried to take it,” you say plainly. “Found the guy holding it when I came out here for the paper. Chased after him and got kicked for my troubles.”
Ditzy looks to you, clearly bristling. “What. What sort of lowlife would-”
“Hey, hey, hey. Let’s just forget about it, okay?” You walk over to her and lean in for a quick peck on the cheek. “I found a guard, told him what happened and gave a description. Besides, there’s a chance they didn’t know what it was for. We’ll fix this little issue. Get a box and tell somepony to deliver it there instead. Sound good?”
Ditzy’s anger quickly fades and she nods slowly. “Alright... Alright. Let’s just get breakfast started. Hungry?”
“Starving. I got a big day ahead of me.”
“Oh? What are you doing?”
“Oh, you know,” you say idly as you sit down. “Making a few visits.”
You bite back your own brand of sass and just smile.
“Well, we’re going to go pay a visit and then we’re gonna talk. But first, we need to make quick purchase.” Stopping by the stall owned by the actual Rosewing, you smile from ear to ear.
“How’ya doing?” You ask. Rosewing turns to you and you suppress a grimace. She still looks way too thin, her eyes are a bit sunken and her coat’s thin but it’s nowhere near as bad as when you first saw her. And the fact that she’s smiling is a good sign.
“A lot better. It’s been hard to get my life back in order. I mean, nopony even knew I was gone,” she sighs heavily. “So how can I help you Flare?”
“Snap dragons. About a dozen.”
Amethyst’s head snaps your way and the scowl she wore the whole way here slowly melts.
“2 bits. Have a good day, Flare.”
You bid Rosewing goodbye and walk in silence with Amethyst and her expression changes from confusion to worry as she starts to understand just where you’re taking here.
“Why are we here?” She asks angrily.
You look towards Ponyville cemetery and sigh. “I don’t know where your father is buried. I want to pay my respects.”
She tenses up and starts to protest, but it dies in her throat. “It’s... It’s this way.”
You let Amethyst lead the way until you’re standing in front of a single grave.
Giggles
Loving father and husband
Taken too early
“A day without laughter is a day wasted”
She’s deathly silent as you read the epitaph and lay the flowers down.
“How’d you know?” Amethyst asks. “That dad liked those.”
“Your mother. What’s the meaning behind the quote?”
“Dad... He’d say that a lot. He’d always make an effort to make us laugh by the end of the day,” she croaks out.
The two of you grow very quiet.
“What do you call a bear with no teeth?”
“What?” Amethyst asks sharply.
“What do you call a bear with no teeth?” You ask again.
“Uhh...”
“Gummy bear.”
The silence comes back, but after a bit, Amethyst lets out a snort and a little giggle.
“Amethyst, I’m not trying to replace your dad. I really like your mom and I can only understand what it must be for you, for me coming into your life and acting like it. Like I’m your dad,” you say quietly. Her laughter stops and she looks to you in shock. “I might even ask your mom to marry me one day if I play my cards right and she welcomes me into her heart. You know, right next to Giggles.”
You cradle your side as you sit down in the grass and stare at the headstone.
“Love’s a special thing and it just doesn’t go away when they do. You hang onto it and respect it, even when it’s time to move on.” Looking to her.
Amethyst looks to the headstone and you before swallowing and sitting down next to you.
“I... I just don’t want him to be forgotten. Dinky never really got to meet him. I guess it just scares me.”
“Think you can tell me a few stories about? You know, the good times.”
You see Amethyst smile softly and nod. “Yeah... Yeah, I can.”
“You know, back in my day, they didn’t have airplanes. Did I ever tell you that?”
Ditzy sighs heavily and snags the little bottle of spirits from your hoof. “Yes. Five times in fact.”
“I just can’t get over it, you know? I got to see these things get invented.”
You feel yourself smiling from ear to ear as you look out your window.
“It’s like... If you went back all those years ago and said to the Princess that you want to build a giant metal and fiberglass bird, get a number of pegasi to haul it into the sky and glide all the way to your destination, she would have locked you up and declared you mentally insane,” you say with a laugh. “But now we do it. Earth ponies are in the cockpit, controlling how the thing moves and a team of pegasi work the air currents, getting on and off the plane in shifts. This is amazing!”
You try to get the bottle from her, but Ditzy pulls it away. “Yes Jack, but we still have two hours ahead of us before we land in Summerset keys and you’re on your fifth bottle of this stuff,” she says before downing the last of it. “And it’s expensive. Seriously, if I catch you grabbing another, I’ll walk out of the terminal and leave you with the bill.”
“Come on angel! We’re on vacation!” Just the thought makes you giggle and bounce in your seat. “I’m on vaaaacation~ I’m on vaaaacation~” You sing-song.
“I swear, I will hit you.” You can see the faintest smile on her lips.
“You can’t hit me, I’m on vacation.”
“Oh don’t tempt me.”
You lean in real close.
“Don’t tempt me.”
She tries to keep a serious face, but a quick kiss on the nose leaves her giggling and shaking her head.
“I know you’re happy Jack, but wait to celebrate when we’re off the plane, okay?”
“Oh so you don’t want to celebrate in the restroom when we reach cruising altitude like we talked about?”
Ditzy’s face goes bright red and she slaps you across the shoulder.
“Ahh! Stewardess! She hit while I’m on vacation!”
The whole thing makes you start to laugh and soon Ditzy joins in. “Look at us. Hard to believe,” you say whimsically.
“We deserve it,” she says with a huff. “I especially after dealing with you for so long.”
“You loved it.”
She shakes her head and leans back in her seat to get comfortable. “Well, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t find something to love.”
You feel yourself start to smile from ear to ear. “Same.”
