The Real Life of Flash Sentry
Flash Sentry looked uncertainly at the purple-haired girl beside him.
“Are you sure?” he queried tensely.
Rarity nodded her reassurance yet again, absentmindedly correcting the askew butterfly clip in her hair. Although she often wore the same outfit to school, on this day she had been struck by a specific theme upon waking. She was attired in a transparent cerulean tutu, a pair of lavender fishnet stockings, and a white blouse sporting a flamboyant ruffled collar and sleeves. She referred to her outfit as “fairytale chic”, or so Flash Sentry thought, as he hadn't been listening to her lengthy explanation.
“Why of course, darling,” Rarity answered confidently. “We're all friends here, thanks to our dear Twilight.”
Flash smiled at the name. It remained unbelievable that he had danced and held hands with a talking equine in a human body. He would have excused it as a nonsensical rumor if he had not witnessed her incredible transformation with his own eyes. He couldn't have failed to observe the wings protruding from her back as he shared what he assumed was a traditional dance of this place called “Equestria”. It was partly due to her he was speaking to Rarity at this moment over a matter he would have otherwise been content to leave undiscussed. But the smile on Flash's lips died in a moment.
“It's not my friends I'm worried about,” he responded. “They'll be cool. I know they will.”
“Know” was perhaps too optimistic of a word. “Hoped” was more accurate. Flash hoped they would have a reaction straight out of a dramatic film, albeit with less sobbing on both sides. It was a shallow hope, but it was all he had to keep his determination alive.
“Then who....?”
A set of thoughts clicked into place.
“Ah. I understand.”
Flash scowled, rather than smiled, at her supposed understanding. How could she, a girl who had certainly never had such a dilemma, comprehend his feelings? He didn't claim to be a tier above all others and he definitely had no intentions of considering his case unique, but he doubted Rarity knew the deeper extent of it. He said as much to her after the words left her mouth.
Rarity patted his shoulder, her own smile filled with motherly empathy. She had expected Flash to accuse her of being “privileged” in that regard. It was a mistake people often made, usually to their own misfortune. She might never be able to sympathize with Flash one hundred percent on this issue, but she had a decent idea of how he felt. He must have thought she would be one of the kindest out of them all, otherwise he would not have walked to school with her for the purpose of revealing his secret.
“I've had my fair share of troubles,” she told him truthfully. “When I told my parents I wanted to be a fashion designer instead of taking over the family business, they were devastated. But I felt better having told them. I didn't have to continue giving them false hope I'd eventually crush.”
She left out the part where she had, after her long, courageous speech, fled to her bedroom because she couldn't stand the disappointment in their eyes. It got worse later, as she was forced to endure months of denial on their end of it. They insisted this “silly fashion thing” was a phase of hers and she would eventually grow out of it to “fulfill her true destiny”. In vain, she attempted to convince them that she had no interest in selling cars for a living, but the denial persisted and her misery worsened. Finally, the message was able to penetrate. Although they assured her she was free to do as she wanted, Rarity often thought she caught a glimpse of that tell-tale disapproval in their eyes whenever they thought she was not looking.
Flash seemed to know the aspects of the story she was purposefully omitting. He returned the smile, but there was increased anxiety behind it. If he went through with this, he was opening himself up to a world he never thought he would experience. A world that couldn't possibly have been imagined for Flash Sentry, one of the most popular kids at Canterlot High.
The school had appeared in the distance. They were nearing the edge of the grounds.
“How...how did Twilight do it?” he asked reluctantly. “How did she...tell you guys the truth?”
Rarity thought for a moment. The events of that fateful day had slipped to the edge of her mind in the weeks since they had occurred. When she thought back to it, everything had moved forward too quickly for her to consider how those involved, other than herself, felt. She hadn't even considered how difficult it must have been for Twilight to be honest with them, these people she had technically just met, about who and what she was.
“I guess she....trusted us,” Rarity replied slowly. “She knew the risks, but she told us anyway. Or Pinkie Pie did, anyway, and she didn't deny it as she could have.”
Flash thought about his friends. He thought about Twilight, the brave princess from Equestria who had laid bare her biggest secret in a time of crisis. She was his inspiration. If he could only channel that same trust, perhaps he could master the elusive beast known as “honesty”.
The school loomed before them, both inviting and terrifying.
Flash stood in the middle of the lunchroom, indecisive. Normally he would be hurrying to join his friends, but that familiar hesitation had crept into his brain. Lunch had come far too hastily for his taste. During class, he had been given ample excuses to outright ignore his friends. In the chaos of the hallways, he need only lose himself in the waves and he would not have to so much as look at them. But lunch was not such an environment. It was tame and unavoidable, leaving him with only cowardice to save him. However, he knew more shame was in backing out this close to his goal. He could already see Crimson Naplam waving him over to their table. Giving up his lackluster attempts to fend off the inevitable, Flash sighed and made his way over to them.
“Hey, man!” Brawly Beats greeted him enthusiastically. “Where've you been all day? We've missed you!”
Ringo smoothed his black and white striped hair and arched his eyebrow slightly. He didn't seem as concerned about Flash's extended absence. Indeed, he spoke in a more subdued tone of voice than employed by Brawly.
“We haven't seen you since Friday,” he added.
Flash grinned sheepishly. He felt guilty at having isolated himself from his closest friends during the long weekend. Every time he'd contemplated a phone call, he'd decided against it. In a childish way, he was scared of all he could potentially blurt out in the course of a normal conversation. He had even turned off his phone to prevent them from initiating any contact.
“I....had some stuff to....do,” he told them by way of excuse, only half-lying.
Brawly laughed and nudged Crimson, a wide grin on his features.
“You hear that, Crim? He had some stuff to.......do.”
He laughed again, amused and rather impressed. He knew Flash Sentry was notorious for his rampant sex life. He must be, he surmised based on the number of attractive girls chasing him at any given time. He looked up to Flash in a way, trying to imagine a life filled with as much intercourse as one man could handle. He envied Flash's talent for attracting girls with a mere look in their direction, whilst he barely received a nod in return when he offered a smile.
Returning to his state of anxiety, Flash studied each of his friends. Brawly Beats was most likely fantasizing about nonexistent sexual exploits, Ringo appeared serene and wholly involved in his salad, Crimson Naplam was sneaking occasional hopeful glances at an oblivious Vinyl Scratch, and Thunderbass, his food untouched, was writing potential song lyrics in a spare notebook, his attention undisturbed by the others. Was now the time, or was this too calm and normal of a scene to intrude on? Flash took a deep breath, summoning the bravery he thought Twilight must have possessed in her moment of pure honesty. He cleared his throat loudly, his heart pounding frantically as all eyes at the table focused on him, except those of the distracted Thunderbass.
“Guys, I have to tell you something,” he uttered with sudden resolution. “I...I wanted to tell you for a while, but I couldn't do it. I was scared. I am scared. But someone very brave who knew a lot about friendship convinced me, without ever saying a word, that I have to do this.”
He was terrified. Perhaps on the verge of vomiting in his fear. But he was going to say it, whether he wanted to or not. His little speech had been the best preamble he could manage, yet another tactic to delay the reveal. The next words out of his mouth would either ruin everything or boost his failing self-esteem.
“I'm......I'm gay.”
He had said it. Somehow, by some power deep inside his body, he had said it. All the years of pure confusion, lies, and denial had led to those two words. And then, as if a bomb had exploded, Flash closed his eyes and prepared for the aftermath.
Thunderbass, in a rare moment outside of his creativity bubble, looked up from his unfinished masterpiece. His eyes left the paper and came to rest on Flash, his eyebrows raised in surprise and light bemusement. He closed his notebook, another scarce occurrence while he was involved in the task of composing his latest song. He even laid the pencil aside to focus his attention fully on something other than the notes and adjectives coming together in his imagination.
Crimson Naplam opened his mouth to laugh, but paused at the expression on Flash's visage. He was prepared to react to it as if it were meant for comedy, yet one glance told him that he was mistaken. In the time he had known Flash, which admittedly was less than a year, he had never seen him appear so genuinely serious. He closed his mouth, his face emptying itself of emotion.
Brawly Beats was having trouble processing his own feelings. His brain was fighting with itself, half wanting to determine Flash was joking and the other half certain he was not. A range of differing feelings, from confusion to amusement to disgust and back, darted across his face until he settled on shock.
Ringo was the least responsive to the confession. Unlike the others, he seemed to have all of his emotions in order. He nodded once, in a very businesslike fashion, his expression impassive with no suggestion of it being forced or undecided. For all the reaction he had, Flash could have told him the sky was blue.
Despite Ringo being the most serene, Brawly Beats was the first one at the table to offer a reply to Flash's astounding reveal.
“Dude, are you crazy?” he responded, his tone heavy with anger and disgust. “Why the hell would you want to be gay?”
The words slammed into Flash Sentry's stomach with the force of a blow. All the hope evaporated in that one impact. This was precisely what he had been afraid of, precisely what he had used to discourage himself from going through with his confession. Those two sentences told him what a fool he was to have expected anything good. Equestria was nothing like the real world, he reminded himself sourly. He never should have put his faith in the beliefs of an equine princess.
“Why?” demanded Brawly again. “You've got every girl in school after you! Why would you want to be a fucking queer when you can have any girl you want?! What about Twilight Sparkle? What about fucking Sunset Shimmer?!”
Flash sighed, having expected the questions. He regretted everything to do with those two girls, except the roles they'd played in helping him confirm his sexuality. Although she'd rather deserved it at the time with her malevolent attitude, he had allowed Sunset Shimmer to believe he was attracted to her even though he knew she was only using him. It had been that failed effort to prove to himself that he was straight, despite all the evidence piling up to tell him otherwise. But even if Sunset hadn't revealed her true nature at the Fall Formal, he would have had to admit he simply didn't like girls in that way. Twilight Sparkle had almost convinced him the opposite was true during her stay, but in the end he'd only been able to have any sort of attraction to her by imagining her as a boy he was attracted to, a boy who had captured his heart in a way no female ever had. He reluctantly told these details to the others.
Brawly shook his head, failing to comprehend Flash's reasoning. He couldn't believe he had looked up to him mere minutes previous.
“You're insane,” he uttered scathingly.
He stood up from the lunch table, paying no mind to his unfinished lunch as he did so. He shot his former friend one parting look of utter repulsion before he left. He had always looked up to Flash as practically an inspiration. Perhaps even shared a brotherly affection with him at times. The confession had driven all of that from his brain and left him feeling ashamed.
Flash would have laid his head down on the table and cried if he'd been able to. Unfortunately, the presence of his lunch tray, which contained food he no longer found the least bit inviting, prevented him from doing this. He was forced to look directly at those who remained, waiting for the inevitable. Waiting for them to follow Brawly Beats, to disassociate themselves from him entirely. The only question was which one of them was next.
Crimson Naplam appeared uncomfortable. He regarded Flash as if he was an explosive of some description. His mind was forcibly cast backwards, reminding him of all the times he'd been alone with Flash. He recalled their “beer nights”, a tradition that had recently died when Crimson's parents began to suspect. He had been drunk and potentially vulnerable with Flash many times. In fact, he was disconcerted to realize that he'd been naked or in his underwear in front of Flash. It was standard procedure in the locker room. And there had been that unfortunate prank which had demanded they both strip down to their boxers at once. Knowing Flash's sexuality made these incidents seem less easy to pass over.
Flash watched Crimson stand up, lunch tray in his hands. He was pleased that the mohawk-haired boy did not seem disgusted. But this small pleasure amounted to nothing. Crimson's reaction was yet another he'd prepared himself for, but it stung just as badly as if he hadn't.
“Sorry, man,” apologized Crimson. “I just can't.... You get it, right? Right...?”
Flash's nod was wooden and insincere, but Crimson chose to ignore this. He returned it with one of his own. Then, after casting his gaze around the room once, he departed hurriedly. He sat down next to Vinyl, who didn't appear to notice his arrival.
Flash Sentry looked questioningly at Ringo and Thunderbass. After the other pair had left, he was prepared for the two final blows. He wanted them at this point. He desired them to be over quickly, so he could commence with the task of rebuilding his shattered confidence. If indeed he could.
Ringo reached across the table and patted Flash's shoulder. He did not smile, but there was tenderness in his voice. The tenderness of a friend speaking honestly and comfortingly to another. He was good at this when he desired to, which was a seldom occurrence in itself.
“It wasn't easy to admit it, was it? You're a brave guy, Flash. You're the bravest guy I know. I'm honored to call you my friend.”
Flash stared, astonished at the legitimate support. After the way Brawly and Crimson had fled, he was certain all of his close friendships were forever broken. To hear Ringo speak so kindly felt like a miracle. Tears pooled in Flash's eyes. Perhaps Twilight Sparkle's view of friendship was not silly at all.
“Gay, straight, bi, pan, whatever,” Thunderbass uttered, shrugging. “That's your business, man. I'm not gonna be an asshole and try to tell you who to love.”
Flash Sentry did something he never thought he'd have the courage to do. Throughout his teenage years, he'd held back certain emotions and interests he thought weren't “cool” enough. He'd attempted, and succeeded, to create the personality of the “cool guy” from all those high school movies. He'd never been comfortable letting others even so much as glimpse the timid boy who loved reading, video games, and tabletop RPG games. But now that his largest secret had come out, he couldn't bring himself to hold back anymore. He let the tears run down his cheeks freely.
After what seemed like centuries of hiding, Thunderbass and Ringo witnessed Flash Sentry burst from his shell.
Flash called Rarity that night. He had gotten her number from Pinkie Pie, who'd been more than willing to give it.
“Hello?”
“Ra-Rarity? It's....it's me. Flash.”
“Oh! How nice of you to call, darling! I was a little worried about you. You seemed awfully scared the last time I saw you, if you don't mind me saying.”
Flash laughed, without the expected bitterness. He was quite finished being sour and pessimistic for the time being, although he suspected it would commence again. He had not escaped from the forest. He had merely seen a glimpse of sunlight pierce the trees overhead. But the warmth and light, even in small doses, meant everything to him.
“How did it go?” inquired Rarity eagerly.
Flash related the whole event. His voice remained strong and rather cheerful throughout, even as he mentioned the response of Brawly Beats.
“I see.... Are you...quite alright, Flash? I know you and Brawly Beats were good friends in particular. Pinkie Pie said that he was the one who got you into music.”
Flash Sentry would have shrugged if Rarity could have seen it.
“He might come around. He might not.”
His casual tone masked the fresh wound Rarity's utterance had opened. He wanted to believe that Brawly was “an asshole”, as Thunderbass had called him, but he could not ignore how deep their friendship had gone. Brawly had indeed gotten him into music, a leisure activity he once thought unsuitable. He had also taught him how to play the guitar, aided him in writing several memorable rock ballads, and convinced him to perform at the Fall Formal. He was responsible for an entire portion of Flash's identity, the portion he was willing to display openly. Flash naturally desired Brawly in particular to accept him and rejoin his friendship circle, but he couldn't be sure it would happen.
“And your parents?” Rarity continued. “You told them as well, didn't you? How did they react? Were they...supportive?”
Flash laughed at her query. He could not blame her for being naïve, as she didn't know the full situation, but he still found her question amusing. His mind flashed back to an hour previous. A normal family dinner that had been suddenly brought to a close by his announcement. He had no regrets. After Brawly Beats and Crimson Naplam, he had been almost desensitized.
“Nope, they were furious. My dad yelled at me and called me a......well, you can guess. I've never seen him this mad. He started shouting at my mom, too, telling her it was “all her fault” because she was “soft” with me. They got into an argument over which one of them is to blame for me being gay. Luckily, I'm grounded, so I'm allowed to stay in my room instead of listening to them argue.”
“That's awful! You poor thing! Is there anything I can do? Is there anyone that can talk to them?”
Flash assured her he was alone in his struggles. Or at least he was alone in trying to bring his close-minded parents around to his point of view. Seeing as how it appeared unlikely they would alter their viewpoints after that collective outburst, he was legitimately worried he might be kicked out of the house or worse. He was even fearing for his parents' marriage, since arguments of this scale were very rare. He was struck by remorse over having brought clouds into their lives, but it was too late to clear the sky. Whatever happened next, however tragic, could not be stopped.
“Well, darling, remember your friends,” Rarity urged him. “You have at least two other people you can count on in the future!”
“Yeah.... That's something, isn't it?”
The shared smile, although it could not be seen, was genuine.
For the rest of his life, through the hardships and the tragedies and the miracles, Flash Sentry would always carry this story in his heart:
“Once upon a time, a magical pony from another dimension taught me how important and gratifying it is to be honest with my friends and myself. And I never even got to thank her.”