18 Months Late
18 Months Late
“Please, you’ve got to let me make it up to you!”
No. She couldn’t be serious. Did Twilight Sparkle honestly believe that after everything that happened, throwing me a random party I didn’t even want to be at was going to all of a sudden make me feel better? I had to be sure.
“And you think this is gonna do it, huh?” I questioned as I stomped towards a piñata with a stick that she had given me to whack it with. If she confirms my suspicions…
“Um, yes?”
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Okay, that was the last straw! I had it with Twilight Sparkle--excuse me--Princess Twilight Sparkle, trying to come back into my life! I had it with her following me around all of yesterday, not taking the hint that I didn’t want to speak with her then or ever. I had it with her stupid attempts to try and rekindle whatever friendship that I thought we had. I had it with her!
I didn’t extend my rage towards Minuette, Lemon Hearts, and Twinkleshine, though. I respected them too much for that. They were the ones to invite me into their group and try to hang out with me back in the day. I was thrilled that someone outside of my family actually wanted to take the time to get to know me. It took time for me to get comfortable with the idea of having someone to talk to during lunch, but slowly but surely, it started to become a habit.
However, out of all of them, Twilight was the one I could relate to the most. We were both smart mares (admittingly, she was smarter), we loved to study whatever we could, and we never had much experience with making friends. Even when she became Princess Celestia’s student, we all still hung out together. She was able to teach me a few things in the ways of magic, and I even gave her a book as my way of saying thanks. I looked up to her a lot and I thought that we would all be great friends for a long time.
I was more wrong than anypony could ever imagine.
Minuette was the one to convince me to finally invite them all to my party that was coming up. I had never done something like that before. Sure, I’ve attended their parties, but I was usually in the background sipping punch and maybe saying a few words to them. Of course, Minuette, Lemon Hearts, and Twinkleshine would be there, but Twilight was the one I wanted to be there the most.
Of course, word got out that I was planning to invite Celestia’s faithful student to my party and I was met with ridicule by so many ponies. They were saying horrible things to me, like how Twilight only saw me as a nuisance that she tolerated only out of respect for her peers. They went so far as to say that my friends were only my friends because they took pity on me. Why else would anypony want to befriend a shy, socially awkward mare?
I was more determined than ever to prove them all wrong, that that wasn’t the case at all. They all chose to become my friends because they cared about me, and I wasn’t going to let some idiot ponies who needed a good buck in the face plant seeds of doubt in my mind and enjoy my suffering.
Then, the fateful day happened. Everything was perfect. The punch was perfectly made, the decorations were well-placed, and the food was cooked to perfection. This was going to be a great party. Lyra Heartstrings, the other member of our circle of friends that moved to Ponyville, couldn’t make it to my party because one day prior, she came down with the flu. She sent me a card and a great book as her way of saying, “If I wasn’t concerned with making you all sick and possibly spreading a flu epidemic across Canterlot, I would be there in a heartbeat.” It was a thoughtful gesture.
Minuette, Lemon Hearts, and Twinkleshine were the first to show up, each with a present. I thanked them all for coming, to which Twinkleshine stated that she wouldn’t miss one of their best friends’ parties. I believed that this was going to be a great day, maybe even the best.
Until I noticed that a certain purple unicorn wasn’t around.
“Is Twilight coming?” I dared to ask.
The awkward silences and grimaces on their faces confirmed my worst fears: Twilight Sparkle would not be coming to my party.
Why? What could she have been doing that was so important to completely snub me like that? What, did Starswirl the Bearded have a book about dental therapy or something? Was Canterlot going to be invaded by an army of griffons? Why, Twilight? Just give me an answer!
Of course, Minuette noticed my downcast expression immediately and tried to make light of the situation, something she was really good at. “Hey, we’ll still have fun, right?”
I looked at my friends and saw an expression that I never wanted to see: pity. They all pitied me. It was true! They had that same look on their faces when we all first met. They had the same look on their faces when I got my books mixed up and brought the wrong one to class. They had the same look on their faces when I couldn’t hold up a good conversation to save my life. Everything that we all had been through was all because they pitied the mare who didn’t have friends. They were all friends with each other, and I was just…there. I was nothing more than an extra body the whole time.
What I thought was going to be a great day turned into one of the worst moments of my life, the worst being the aftermath of it all.
The day after the failed party, we all learned that Twilight got up and moved to Ponyville and she didn’t even say goodbye. I was beyond furious. She abandoned me! What kind of friend would--? Oh, wait. She was never my friend. That’s why. If she actually cared about me, she would have at least given me a reason to my face as to why she not only didn’t show up, but why she got up and left.
Needless to say, word got out that Twilight never showed and I was teased relentlessly. Those smug thickheads rubbed it in my face that when Twilight saw the perfect opportunity to get away from me, she took it. My remaining “friends,” I couldn’t even call them that anymore, stood up for me, but the damage was already done. All that I worked for and everything I ever did to try and be a social mare for a change was destroyed the moment Twilight left. It was all over!
I fell into a deep depression for a long time, not venturing out into public a lot. The remaining mares tried to invite me for get-togethers, but I made it clear that I wasn’t in the mood each time. I wasn’t brave enough to tell them that I never wanted to see them again. My sister tried to encourage me to go back out there, but I resisted each of her attempts until she gave up. I would either be in my room studying whatever I could, or be at the library studying. In the library, I didn’t have to talk to anypony, and at home, there was no one to talk to. Books made better friends than my “friends.” Books couldn’t bring me into a false sense of security before delivering the cold hard truth that friendships were meaningless. True friends didn’t exist, and if I tried to make friends again, I would get hurt over and over.
Now, eighteen months later, Princess Twilight Sparkle decided to finally grace me with her presence and I hated every moment with her. She would not take, “Get lost!” for an answer, and was so blasted desperate to rekindle whatever we all had together. Not a chance in Tartarus, and I was going to make abundantly clear.
“Well, sure. Why wouldn’t it?” I asked in a sarcastic tone as I whacked the piñata a couple times. Why wouldn’t her idiotic attempt at making me forgive her work? She really was clueless.
I tried to do with the piñata what I did with the wall that was imbedded with darts and scorch marks, and any other breakable objects that were my targets: pretend they were Twilight. Unfortunately for me, after a couple of pitiful whacks, it wasn’t making me feel better. All of this was just reminding me of that day and all the pain that mare had caused me.
Then I realized I didn’t have to vent on inanimate objects anymore. The source of my suffering was standing directly behind me. This was the moment that I had been waiting for. I would make. Her. Suffer.
“That was only the first time I put myself out there,” I stated angrily, “and then you didn’t even bother to show up.” Ah, twisting the knife. How does it feel, Miss Friendship is Magic?
I stepped towards her, jabbing the stick in her direction. She backed up a bit, nervous about what I would do next. Oh, this was rich. Princess Twilight Sparkle was afraid of a mare with a stick. I could actually hit her with it. This was going to be great. No more did I have to suffer from the fallout. I could finally tell Twilight that she could throw herself into Tartarus and I wouldn’t even bat an eye. This wasn’t great; this was perfect.
But, wait? Why was it still hurting? Why was there sadness in my heart? Why was I feeling…worse?
No, this was not supposed to happen. This was supposed to be my moment to shine, my moment to tell her off. I couldn’t feel like this. Not now!
“Then you left town without saying goodbye,” I continued in a sad, softer tone that had echoes of betrayal, “even though we were supposed to be friends.”
There was the answer: I actually cared about Twilight, but she didn’t care about me.
I could feel the rush of emotions swelling up inside of me and I had a strong urge to start crying. My mouth was starting to move without my consent and speak the thoughts that have been inside my head for a long time.
“I was humiliated! I felt like I wasn’t important!” I could still hear the taunts of those ponies in my head and the pity from the mares that have haunted me. “I never wanted to be hurt like that again!” I pointed my stick at the three mares furiously with tears starting to stream down my eyes. “These three finally convinced me that I had value, that other ponies might like me and want to be my friend!”
I took another step towards her, ready to actually hit her. I didn’t care about the consequences anymore; I just wanted to stop suffering. At this point, I was letting out all the pent-upped rage, agony, and everything that I was put through for the last eighteen months in the form of screaming.
“And YOU! DIDN’T! SHOW! UP!!!!!”
At the last second, I tossed the stick away from me to stop myself from going through with hitting her and fell to the ground, weeping and burying my face in my hooves. I couldn’t take it anymore. This was too much for me to handle. Nothing was going to make me feel better. I would always be pitied. I would always be friendless. I would always suffer. This was the real me and the real me was here to stay.
I was crying so hard that I barely noticed the sound of hooves walking towards my direction.
“You’re right. This party can’t make up for the way I hurt you.” Twilight, what are you doing? “But please! Don’t let my mistake be the reason you can’t be friends with anypony else.”
I dared to look at her and noticed something I never thought I’d see from her: guilt. She was honestly guilt-ridden from all that she wrought against me by that one, thoughtless act. She wanted to make it up to me so badly and have us be actual friends. Was it possible that she wasn't the same mare that I knew before?
“We were your friends then,” Minuette added, leading the other mares towards us. “We’d be honored to be your friends now.”
There was no pity. Not even a single shred of it on their faces. They meant every single word. They all wanted to be my friends no strings attached. They wanted me in their lives, social awkwardness and all.
Suddenly, I started feeling…better, a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. It was like a cloud of despair started to dissipate, a great weight slowly being lifted off my back. It was so hard to believe it was happening, but it was true.
I tried wiping away most of my tears at an attempt to save face (Mission failed) before Twilight gestured me to the right. Before us were three mares that I saw the most after Twilight left for Canterlot and I became a recluse. I couldn’t contain my shock.
“That’s the librarian,” I said. “The bookseller. My sister!”
“You’ve got a lot of friends, Moon Dancer,” Minuette informed me with a warm smile.
This was incredible. I had thought that the librarian and the bookseller didn’t pay much attention to me, and I thought my sister had given up on me a long time ago. Yet, here they were. They were all here for me, to support me. I…there were no words to convey how I felt as a fresh wave of tears began to build up again.
Twilight, who looked like she wanted to cry too, had one more thing to say. “I’m sorry, Moon Dancer. I faced magical creatures, the end of Equestria, all sorts of things, but seeing how my actions affected you, that was one of the worst feelings I ever had.”
This was completely different from the Twilight I saw earlier today and yesterday. The Twilight then was so desperate to fix this all up and wrap it in a bow like trying to make up a failed test, and Twilight before all that wouldn’t have taken my feelings into account, but this Twilight understood the repercussions of her actions. She understood me and how I felt.
I underestimated Twilight. She truly did change for the better.
With a quivering lip, I said, “Thank you, Twilight. I never realized how much I needed to hear that.”
With a nervous smile, Twilight held out her hoof towards me and I hesitated. This was the moment. She was offering us all a chance to start fresh, to start our friendships anew, but the risk was great. Could I actually find it in my heart to forgive her? What if it happened again? What if this was all some sort of farce that--?
NO! This was the farthest from a farce that it was going to get. These mares were being completely genuine with me. Yes, this was a risk, and earlier, I would have spat on her hoof. Now, I knew the only way to move on was to accept her apology and mover forward.
Slowly, I reached out towards her hoof, feeling like I was taking the plunge, when suddenly, Twilight wrapped me in a firm embrace. It caught me completely off-guard, but I decided to go for it, let my guard down, and return the embrace.
It wasn’t over, though. It would still take a long time for me to heal, to trust her completely again, and to try making friends on my own, but the worst part of it was over. I reached my low point and I was coming back up. I felt, for the first time in forever…happy.