Chapter 1
Rarity was in the market gazing through the windows of the other ponies shops to size up the competition. Competition? Hardly. She thought to herself looking at the other shops who also offered clothing. Work clothes, every day common clothes, sleep wear, no one produced such elegant clothes as she did and it made her feel superior, her chin gravitating upwards as her smug smile formed on her perfectly groomed face. Even listening to the other ponies go on and on about how gorgeous her clothes were and how gorgeous she herself was brought a bounce to her step. It was obvious to even the most common earth pony that Rarity's work could not be outdone.
"Wow, that's Fancy!" Scootaloo said, craning her neck to get a better view as she rolled past on her scooter. Rarity turned to the voice and was confused to see the little filly rolling away from her, and not even looking at her. What could be fancier than her? She fell in step behind Scootaloo and looked around for her sister Sweetiebell. Those two were thick as thieves, and maybe she could shed some light on this mystery. It turned out to be obvious though, and no mystery at all. A new shop had appeared right across the street from Rarities boutique in the shape of a giant hat!
The gargantuan top hat was a deep burgundy color and the brim acted as a raised porch before the round door leading in to the small building. On the window sills circling the hat shaped building were a wide rainbow of colorful, diverse hats. From a common straw workers hat in pale golden straw color, to a rich crimson fez with glittering tassel, to a deep indigo fedora perfect for those young colts lacking proper confidence to speak to a filly with out any accessories.
An indigo furred pony stepped out of the front door of the shop and waved a foreleg made of bronze and brass pipes and gears, strapped to her torso with leather buckles snugly, wings folded at her side. Her messy hair was hidden under the hat she had on top of her head, a smallish round hat with a small brass feather in the band. She grinned at the small crowd who had begun to gather around and them spoke.
"Roight! Welcome luvs to 'Aveta Dash's 'aberdash'ry!" she said, her husky voice garbling her words in a way Rarity very much did NOT like. What was that, some sort of accent? This strange pony wasn't even from Around Here! And she thought she could set up shop and steal her customers by selling those hats!? Who even wore hats!? The pony with the mechanical leg continued, " 'm name's 'aveta Dash, an 'attins' m'game! Come one come all!" and with a tug of a rope a rolled up sign unfurled itself above her door reading "Haveta Dash's Haberdashery".
Have to Dash? What a preposterous name. Rarity fumed. With any luck that marble mouthed buffoon will HAVE to dash indeed! Snorting her disapproval Rarity tossed her head back, flipping her main with a harumph and stamped away on her perfectly manicured hooves. She got less than ten paces from the crowd when she heard her friend Pinkie Pie squeal.
"Ohmigosh do you sell Party hats!? I have a great collection but you can never-" Pinkie Pie rambled enthusiastically leaning well into the personal space of the foreign pony who's eyes widened.
"Never have to many party hats!" Haveta Dash finished for Pinkie. She extended her mechanical hoof to Pinkie Pie who stared at it before touching her hoof to it and shaking hooves vigorously.
"What a neat leg! Did you make that too! How does it work!? Wow Are your wings machines too! That's Amazing!" Pinkie went on and on. Rarity huffed thoroughly annoyed and stormed into her own shop. Pinkie was NOT the standard judge of character, and she trusted her other neighbors would have better taste to trust such a strange and obviously shifty pony.
It was later in the evening when the crowd had died down and most of the ponies had gone their seperate ways that Rarity heard Pinkies voice come through an open window.
"Oh yeah sure! I do it all the time!" She said with a characteristic giggle. Rarity perked her ear up and leaned a little towards her window.
"Cor ah betcher do, luv!" Haveta Dash said in her infuriating mush mouth language. "Wot say we 'ead back to yours an ah show ya how ta make a massive dump!" She said with a chuckle.
Rarity almost choked on her tongue. What crude sort of gutter trash was this!? She expected Pinky to recoil in horror as she herself was doing but the naive Pinkie Pie cried out with delight.
"Yeah! I bet all my friends will love to taste that!" She enthused as they passed by. Rarity's vision swam with horrible images and she shook her head and slid to the floor. What sort of horrible joke was this? Was this real life!? Pinkie had played jokes before but she'd never actually do something like THAT would she?
Standing back up on her hooves Rarity crept out the back door of her shop and circled around to just evesdrop chaperon this involvement. Pinkie Pie was after all far to trusting and silly to be left to her own devices. Rarity was being a good friend showing her concern for her friendly neighbor.
By the time she circled around they were in Pinkie's kitchen and she heard banging around. Pinkie cried out breathlessly.
"Hey take it easy Haveta! Be gentle with those!" Pinkie squealed.
"Yar! Sorry Luv just gets me proper chuffed ta be makin a dump!" Haveta Dash said with a strained voice. There was a clatter and Pinkie laughed squealed again.
"You got it all over my face! Mmm It's yummy!" She said to Rarities horror and disbelief. The seamstress turned and ran as fast as she could to the tree house. Twilight Sparkle would have hear about this.
Rapping her hoof vigorously on the door of the tree house Rarity huffed and panted to catch her breath. The door opened and Spike stood there, his eyes brightening at the sight of his crush.
"Oh, Hey Rarity! How's it going!?" Spike enthused, hugging his tail to his chest and putting forth his nicest scaley smile. Rarity didn't have time for his childish crush and she pushed past him.
"Not now Spike, something awrful is happening!" Rarity said looking around for Twilight Sparkle. Turning in a ull circle she didn't see her any where and finally looked to Spike. "Spike, where is Twilight!?" She demanded to know.
Spike stammered and his mouth opened then closed. He then said, "Gee Rarity, she went to Pinkies to meet the new pony in town and have a surprise treat."
Rarity cried out, "Noooo!" And she pushed past spike as she rushed out and ran like her life depended on it back towards Pinkie Pie's bakery. The thought of her friends putting that no good Haveta Dash's nasty 'treat' in their mouths made her want to spill her oats all over the cobblestones. Not that a fine lady like herself would ever do something so crass in public.
Arriving at the bakery Rarity burst through into the room to find Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, and her nemesis Haveta Dash sitting around a table. Pinkie perked up at the sight of her and jumped off her chair.
"You came! I came over to invite you but there was no answer but you came any ways, that's amazing!" She said with a huge smile lunging for Rarity to pull her into a tight embrace. Rarity pushed at Pinkie Pie and gasped out, trying to form words but the ragged fire in her lungs not letting a single word out. How did every one else run around so much with out being absoloutly worn out? Behind her Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Apple Jack came in through the door.
Oh no, this wasn't going to get just Twilight, this prank was going to affect all of her friends. Even poor sweet Fluttershy would be forced to fill her mouth with this unthinkable 'treat'. Rarity choked on her words as every one gathered around Haveta Dash and began to look at her mechanical parts and ask her about life in Ponyshire and her hats. Haveta looked over to Rarity and blinked her big violet eyes at her.
"Cor blimey luv. Yer alright?" She asked with concern in her voice, garbled as her words were by that mongrel accent. Rarity spat out.
"No! I am not your 'Luv' and I am NOT Alright! No one Eat any thing these two give you! You don't know what it IS!" She said, finally catching her breath and heaving to the side, leaning heavily against the door frame.
Applejack turned, cheeks buldging, mouth smeared with brownish yellow. Rainbow Dash also had begun to eat from a bowl that'd been set before her. Twilight said. "Of course we know what this is, Haveta Dash told us."
"Yeh, 's me Dump, innit?" Haveta Dash said, pulling the big pan of bubbly golden cobbler over and fishing a cherry out from under the crust and popping it in her mouth.
Pinkie Pie began to giggle almost uncontrollably and every one looked over at her, arching a brow. Rarity snatched the pan from Haveta dash and used her horn magic to move a spoon through it looking for any thing disgusting. Twilight looked over to Pinkie and said.
"Pinkie Pie, what's gotten into you? And Rarity what are you talking about!?"
"POOP!" Pinkie blurted out with a laugh. She shook her head and squealed out a series of manic giggles. "Rarity thinks we were going to feed you poop!"
Rarity found her cheeks blazing with embarrassment and she cast her eyes downward pushing the tin of cobbler away. She began to stammer and finally found her voice.
"I... I didn't know any thing About this other Pony. And I heard her saying she was going to feed you all a.. A... A Dump!" She huffed, thouroghly humiliated. Haveta Dash laughed and shook her head, rubbing her chin with her brass and bronze hoof.
"Yeah, 's called a dumb case yer just trow all da stuff in tha pan an shove it in to cook. No stirrin ee nuffin, is why." She snorted.
All around her the ponies began to laugh at the misunderstanding, and Rarity had to admit the cobbler did smell wonderful. She took the spoon and spooned herself several fat cherries and a bit of golden crust and put it in her mouth. As she chewed Haveta Dash piped up.
"Next time I'll feed all you luvs mah dick!"