All According to Plan
Twilight strode down one of the long halls of her castle, a folder clutched beneath her right wing. Despite the sounds of revelry still wafting through the windows, Twilight wore a scowl fit to intimidate a Minotaur. The reception after-party was still in full swing, a full day after the wedding and all the chaos that led up to it. The young alicorn briefly glanced out the window at the throng of celebrating ponies before coming to a stop in front of the castle's third floor sitting room. She heard muffled laughter from within and scowled.
"All right you," she growled while swinging open the door with her magic, "this is no laughing matter."
Discord cut off his chuckling and pulled a teacup back from his muzzle. "Well I think my Bugbear puns are worth a laugh or two," he said with faux hurt feelings.
"Twilight!" scolded Celestia, "I thought we discussed your animosity towards Discord."
"Princess?" squeaked Twilight. "Wha... what are you doing here?"
"You asked me to ask Discord to visit," said the Solar Diarch, "and after such a lovely wedding, I'm in no hurry to return to Canterlot." She gave the young alicorn a hug and lifted another teacup in her golden magical aura.
"That and the wet blanket finally went to bed," teased Discord, "It's like she enjoys stepping between us." The draconequus reached into the warm tea with his talons and extracted a whole sugarcube before gulping down the remainder. "So," he said, "to what do I owe the pleasure, oh mighty Princess of Friendship?"
Twilight sat next to Celestia and glared at the draconequus while magically pouring him another cup of tea. As the second cube of sugar dissolved into the steaming liquid, she opened one of her folders and spread out a half dozen pictures. She placed her hoof on a shot of the hogtied Bugbear and slid it across the table towards Discord. "So how hard was it to find a Bugbear?" she asked cockily. "They're awfully reclusive creatures: Most won't come out of the mountains for anything."
"Oh what?" asked Discord, "just because a creature of mixed parts shows up, you automatically assume I'm involved?" He folded his arms across his chest and harrumphed. "I thought you ponies were all about tolerance and-"
"Can it mister," spat Twilight. She shuffled the photos and lifted the top one eye-level with the draconequus. "How do you explain this?" she asked with a satisfied grin before slamming it down onto the table. The picture of the golden scepter bearing her likeness stared up at the pair of alicorns and the draconequus.
"It's a bit gauche," said Discord. "Were you needing accessory advice? I'm certainly quite the fashion forward demigod; did you see my suit at the gala?"
"Stop joking around!" shouted Twilight, "You made this the last time one of your little plans came to fruition, and now, it shows up and sends dozens of ponies, a cake, two foals, a barrel of wine, a cello, and an entire stack of speakers flying towards the town hall. You just can't help yourself can you?"
"Now Twilight," said Celestia, "that is not much proof to base such an accusation on. Shouldn't you give Discord the benefit of the doubt? He's been ever so much nicer to everypony during our many rendezvous in Canterlot." She shook her head in confusion and looked askance at Twilight.
"Well said my dear, if a bit more revealing than I expected" said Discord, "I manifest things all the time: I can't be expected to keep track of every little thing. It's not like I would expect you to keep count of every spell your horn ever spewed." Celestia winced and shook her head back and forth.
"Since this morning, I have cast forty five minor levitation spells, six cleaning cantrips, four item summons, two lesser teleports, and one need-it-want-it spell," recited Twilight. "Don't worry, princess, I was just getting Spike to finish his carrots."
Discord nearly choked on Twilight's fastidiousness. "Fine," he said, "but try living a few years and then tell-"
"Three hundred and eighty seven thousand-" began Twilight.
"That's quite alright Twilight," said Celestia, interrupting what would have been a very long litany. "Let's just call this a funny mystery: Nopony was hurt, the Bugbear is back on its way to the Himaneighan mountains, and the wedding was perfect." She caught herself and rested a hoof on her former student's shoulder. "Except for you and your friends being locked out of course," she said sympathetically.
"Oh ho!" exclaimed Discord, "so there's rub! You're mad you missed the wedding!"
"Of course I am!" shouted Twilight, "You have no idea how much planning and effort went into making that wedding perfect!"
"Well I wasn't even here," said Discord, "in fact, I wasn't even invited." He looked over the table at Celestia and pouted.
"I told you," said Celestia, "Luna wanted to come together, and I wasn't about to..." She trailed off and looked into her mostly empty cup of tea. "Twilight," she said after sniffing at the brew, "what kind of tea is this?"
"Umm," said Twilight nervously, "just Chamomile... mixed with ground seeds of truth"
"I'm sorry," said Celestia, placing the teacup down a little more forcefully than she intended, "did you say-"
"We're done Pinkie!" shouted Twilight as she gathered the folder and photographs. "They're onto us." As she stood from the table, Pinkie Pie slid out from behind a curtain and quickly swiped the bowl of sugarcubes before joining Twilight as she exited the room. "I guess Discord didn't do it," said Twilight.
"Aww," said Pinkie between bites of sugar, "but that means you were wrong! I thought the clues never lied?"
"They don't," protested Twilight, "If Discord didn't do it, somepony or something wanted us to think he did, or he's working with others..." Twilight stopped in the hallway and whirled around on Pinkie. "It's all a big plot!"
Pinkie giggled, "Now, now Twilight," she said mimicking Rarity, "A princess shouldn't be so vulgar."
"Huh...oh," said Twilight with a roll of her eyes, "a plan; a scheme; a conspiracy."
"Oooooh," said Pinkie as she bounced down the long hallway, "like the one that Applejack says keeps us earth ponies down."
"Yes," said Twilight, "wait... what?" She ran after Pinkie.
"And why would you think it was a good idea to careen through the streets on an..." Twilight looked at the battered but still working set of speakers and assorted audio equipment, "unsteerable music powered cart of doom."
Vinyl just nodded in time as Octavia glanced at her warily. "Well, I was practicing you see," she said, the teacup in her hooves clinking against its saucer as she shook nervously, "and Vinyl here was helping me... liven up... the traditional wedding song fare." She glanced at Pinkie and then back to Twilight.
"It was pretty great!" said Pinkie Pie, "much better than Princess Cadance's boring ceremony." She pushed her hoof over the turntable, giggling joyfully at the scratching sounds it produced.
"Thank you ever so much, Ms. Pie," said Octavia, "but you see, we were so engrossed in our impromptu arranging, that we lost track of the time; isn't that right Vinyl?" She nodded towards her roommate and smiled awkwardly. When no reply came, she flicked her eyes towards the unicorn without moving her head. Her friend nodded in time with some unheard song, oblivious to the world around her. "Yes, quite right, so when I espied from the clock on the wall that we were tardy, I was quite positive that we wouldn't make it to the Town Hall in time."
"So you two piled your musical instruments onto wheels and rushed over to the wedding," said Twilight with a sigh. "I suppose there's nothing odd about that." She narrowed her eyes and looked between the pair of musicians. "I don't suppose either of you would like some tea?" she asked.
"Ugh, no thank you," said Octavia, "I absolutely loathe the stuff."
Twilight cancelled the item summon spell and gave a nervous chuckle. "We'll be on our way then," she said, "C'mon Pinkie." As the pair exited the partitioned house, Twilight gave one last look at the music mares. Octavia lectured an uninterested Vinyl while simultaneously trying to clean up the clutter on the DJ's side of the house. "How did those two even end up living together?" she asked absently, "they seem like such an odd couple.
"Vinyl told me it was somepony else's idea," said Pinkie, "They both got to Ponyville around the same time, and there weren't enough houses available. Somepony at Town Hall suggested they live together for awhile."
"Whatever," said Twilight, dismissing the entire wasted interview. She opened her official investigation scroll. "So," she asked, "who had the scepter?"
"Ummmm," said Pinkie, rubbing her forehead, "Lemon Hearts said she was bringing it as a wedding gift."
"Really?" asked Twilight, a mortified grimace on her face, "Why in Celestia's name would somepony want that hideous thing?"
"Because it's a hoot!" exclaimed Pinkie. "It's a fancy cane, a puppet, a backscratcher, a baton, a-"
"Okay, okay, I get it," said Twilight, "she's our best lead. I just hope she can tell us that Discord was behind all of this."
"Hey!" exclaimed Pinkie, "What about Derpy?"
"What about her?" asked Twilight.
"She put the wrong day on the invitations," said Pinkie, "and the Bugbear happens to show up on the exact same day. Maybe she's in charge of the conspiracy!"
"Derpy?" asked Twilight, "the muffin obsessed mailmare? I don't think she's the mastermind type."
"Hmm," said Pinkie, "well we should still ask her." The pink mare looked up into the sky and cupped her hooves to her muzzle. "Hey Derpy," she yelled, "Twilight wants to know if you're part of a conspiracy to ruin the wedding and all of our planning?" The passing pegasus's wings locked up mid-flight, sending her tumbling into the bushes Twilight and Pinkie were passing.
"Noooo," she moaned, "It was an accident Princess." She threw her branch and leaf covered form in front of the young alicorn and wrapped her forehooves around Twilight's hoof. "I know I told Featherweight the right day," she said, "You have to believe me!"
"Relax," said Twilight, shaking the wall-eyed pegasus from her hoof, "I'm just trying to piece together what happened yesterday so I can finally prove to Princess Celestia that Discord is still up to no good!" Twilight lowered her upraised hoof from the sky and eased the manic scowl from her face. "So, Derpy," she said, "just tell me everything that went into making those invitations."
Derpy nodded weakly and eased off the ground and onto her haunches. "Well, Cranky asked me about the invitations when I brought him his latest Snowglobe of the Month package," she said. "He was worried about how much everything was going to cost, but couldn't bring himself to complain to Matilda." Derpy brushed several twigs out of her mane before continuing. "My cousin Featherweight runs the Foal Free Press, and I told Cranky that I would get with him and see if we could come up with something more affordable."
"Featherweight?" asked Twilight, "Isn't he the tiny little colt with the camera?"
"Yes ma'am," said Derpy, "but he's very talented for his age. Unfortunately, the school's old printing press was out for repairs, so we went to the Town Hall to see if we could use the mayor's. One of her assistants took us down to the basement to find it. See, I remember seeing it from the time I crashed and Rainbow Dash fell through-"
"Yes, I remember," interrupted Twilight. "So it was a different press? Maybe Featherweight just made a simple mistake with an unfamiliar machine."
"But that's what confuses me," said Derpy with a puzzled expression, "He made the stencil for the old machine, and used it to test the new machine before we got his brother Bulk to carry it back to the schoolhouse: I swear it was correct then." She kicked at a dirt clod at her hooves. "I know everypony thinks I'm a screwup," she said glumly, "but I'm not dumb."
"Of course you aren't," said Twilight before wrapping her forehooves around the pegasus's neck, "and if anypony says it again, you tell me. Celestia knows I've had my fair share of mishaps."
"Like the time with the smarty-pants doll," said Pinkie with a laugh.
"Exactly," said Twilight.
"Or the time with the time travel spell," added Pinkie, her hooves now wrapped around both Derpy and Twilight.
"Yes, but-" said Twilight.
"Or your first Winter Wrap up," continued Pinkie.
"We get it," said Twilight through her clenched jaw. She unruffled her feathers and gave Derpy a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Derpy," she said, "I think you're right. Something changed those invitations. Something brought the Bugbear to town, and set up that chain reaction of chaos that led to all those ponies careening through the air. Unfortunately, nothing proves it was Discord; not yet anyway."
"We can still find Lemon Hearts," added Pinkie.
"She was over by the cafe," said Derpy, "I saw her on my way down."
Pinkie and Twilight looked at each other and nodded. "Mystery team away!" shouted Pinkie.
Lemon Hearts was taking a deep pull from her glass full of ice cold lemonade, reveling in her most favorite of liquid treats. As she lowered the beverage from her face, she jumped in surprise. Twilight sat across from the mushroom table, her elbows resting on the table and her forehooves tented in front of her.
"Hello, Lemon Hearts," she said, her smile a bit too forced.
"He-hello Pr-princess Twilight," replied the unicorn as she shakily placed the glass on the table, its contents sloshing and threatening to splash over the rim. "H-how are you?"
"Oh, just fine," replied Twilight, "I saw you here alone and thought to myself, 'Twilight, why don't you go see your old acquaintance from your Canterlot days!'." She flagged down a waiter and pointed at the nearly empty cup of lemonade. "Could we get two more of those?" she asked sweetly. The mustached waiter nodded and quickly darted back into the cafe interior.
"O-oh, well it's so nice to see you!" said Lemon Hearts. "I honestly didn't think you remembered me." She laughed nervously.
"Well, I may have had my head in a book all day," said Twilight, "but that doesn't mean I wasn't aware of the ponies around me. Sadly, I just didn't have the right priorities at the time." She waved her hoof dismissively. "But none of that now," said Twilight, "How are you doing these days? Did you have a good time at the wedding?" The waiter returned with two tall glasses of lemonade, which Twilight quickly lifted from the tray and placed in front of each of them.
"Oh it was wonderful!" said Lemon Hearts, "Even with all the weirdness of yesterday, the ceremony was just magical."
"I'll have to take your word on it," said Twilight wistfully, "we didn't get a very good view from the windows."
"Oh," said Lemon Hearts, "right. I didn't mean to rub it in, your highness. We all appreciate what you did with that horrible monster, though."
"The Bugbear?" said Twilight, "yes, well, I suppose we're the first line of defense here in Ponyville. Say, is that Princess Celestia?!"
Lemon Hearts turned her head in the direction Twilight was pointing and looked for the Solar Princess. She turned back and saw Twilight's horn glowing. "I didn't see her," she said with a pout.
"Must have been a heat mirage," said Twilight, "It's so hot today. Good thing we have this ice cold lemonade!" Twilight sipped from the tart beverage, her lips puckering. "Mmmm," she said exaggeratedly.
"It sure is," said Lemon Hearts. "I hope the pegasi give us some-."
"Where did you get the scepter?" asked Twilight abruptly, a manic ardor clearly visible on her face.
"P-pardon?" asked Lemon Hearts.
"The cane! The awful golden me-stick that Discord made," answered Twilight while sliding the glass of lemonade towards her. "Say, why don't you have a sip of Lemonade. It's so hot. Don't you think it's hot?"
"I... um... I'm not thirsty," replied Lemon Hearts warily.
"Drink. The. Lemonade," said Twilight, one word at a time.
Lemon Hearts gulped and shakily brought the glass to her lips. As the cool beverage passed over her tongue, she felt a lightness in her head. "What..." she said before Twilight smiled and flared the magic in her horn. With a flash of light, the familiar golden scepter appeared on the table between them.
"When did Discord give you this?" asked Twilight, "and why did you use it to trip up the rolling pile of ponies yesterday?"
"My friend Amethyst Star gave it to me," said Lemon Hearts, "and I was just going to give it to Cranky and Matilda after the wedding, as a gag gift. I didn't really have that much to spend, so Amethyst suggested this. I don't know where she got it. She told me it was a secret and that I shouldn't tell anypony about it." She brought a hoof up to her mouth, as if to pull back the words after they left her mouth.
"Amethyst Star?' asked Twilight. "I don't think I've ever met her. Who is she?"
"My best friend," said Lemon Hearts. "She's a pink unicorn mare with a streaked violet mane. She's the best organizer I know: She's the leader of the Animal team during Winter wrap up, and is always getting ponies moving in the right direction during crises, like yesterday. I guess that's why she works as the Mayor's assistant."
Twilight stood and looked across the square at the large multi-storied building at its center. "She works at the Town Hall?" she asked.
"Yes," said Lemon Hearts proudly. "I think she probably spends more time there than Mayor Mare herself! She brags that she knows that place like the bottom of her hoof. Where are you going Twilight?" She shouted to Twilight as the alicorn galloped across the square towards the town hall.
Pinkie Pie appeared from nowhere, slid into Twilight's seat and slurped at the abandoned Lemonade.
Amethyst Star grunted as she levitated the heavy stack of chairs down the stairs towards the basement storage room. As she lowered them into the corner next to the others, she wiped the sweat from her brow. Most ponies thought that an organizers job ended after the event began, but cleaning up and being ready for the next occasion was just as important. "It felt great to be the pony at the helm again," she said to herself while climbing the stairs. She levitated her checklist and checked off the last box.
"Drop that quill!" shouted the alicorn at double doors.
"Hmm?" asked Amethyst. "Oh, Princess Twilight! So lovely to see you. Did you enjoy the wedding?"
"I know it was you," said Twilight. "The bugbear, the cane, the invitations: It was all you!"
"Well of course it was," said Amethyst. She had expected the alicorn to piece it together eventually, just not quite so quickly. "Did Lemon Hearts blab? she asked. "Honestly, that mare can be such a gossip sometimes."
The scowl from Twilight's face slipped into confusion. "But... but... why?"
"Why?" asked Amethyst. The unicorn doubled over in laughter. "Twilight, you of all ponies should know why!" she said while wiping tears from her eyes.
"Me?" barked Twilight, "I would never endanger innocent ponies and ruin a wedding. What possible reason could anypony have?"
"Ruin?" said Amethyst, "I've heard nothing but rave reviews. I dare say the wedding was far more memorable than it would have been otherwise." She cantered to Twilight and walked lazy circles around her. "And as for the Bugbear," she added, "well, I knew you six would have no problems with it. I'm pretty good with animals, and he seemed like a pushover to me."
Twilight's horn began to glow with a strong lavender aura. "Why?" she asked again.
"Oh do put that away," said Amethyst. "I have no doubt that you could thoroughly outmatch me magically. Come, let's sit." She led Twilight to the staff break room and sat across from the alicorn. "Let's start from the beginning shall we?" she said.
"Like how you got the bugbear," growled Twilight.
"Oh no, that was much later," said Amethyst, "Let's start with the day you arrived in Ponyville. I'm sure you noticed how well everything was going before you arrived. The decorations were flawless; the food was exquisite; the music was sublime: Planning the Summer Sun Celebration was to be my masterpiece, and yet Princess Celestia saw fit to send you to take over, just a day before the event."
"This better be going somewhere," said Twilight, her right eye twitching.
"You stole my job," said Amethyst calmly, "and it wasn't a slow process. You showed up and just took over. The Prized Pony of Ponyville award, Winter Wrap Up, Celestia's visits: The list goes on. You relegated me to a common city clerk."
"What are you talking about?" asked Twilight incredulously. "Winter Wrap Up was a mess! If that's your idea of organization, then it's a good thing I took over."
"It's the way they liked it!" shouted Amethyst. "If I could have taken over and ruled all three teams with an iron hoof, I could have done just as well! I just didn't have a Princess's authority behind me!" She shook her head and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry Princess," she said, "I'm really not an angry pony. I've just kept this bottled up so long that I just couldn't help myself."
"So why not ask me to step aside?" asked Twilight, "Why not ask to work together?"
"I considered that," said Amethyst, "but soon, you were a princess yourself, and everyone just loved you so much, and I knew they wouldn't stand taking instructions from me. So I began work on my master plan."
"Master plan?" asked Twilight, "plan to do what?"
"My plan to show you that I am the superior organizer," said Amethyst, "to convince you to voluntarily step aside and let me regain my status as Ponyville's chief organizer. I knew it would have to be amazing, and that it would have to involved as many ponies as possible, so I began placing my pieces on the board."
"Pieces?" asked Twilight, "Amethyst, they're ponies, not pawns."
"It's just a metaphor princess," said the unicorn. "Take Vinyl and Octavia, for example. They're the best of friends now, but I knew that each had a love of music that often bordered on mania: That was clear after meeting each of them just once. Placing them together would only lead to a bit of chaos that I could trigger when I needed it."
"Chaos?" exclaimed Twilight, "You are working with Discord! I knew it!"
"What?" said Amethyst, "of course not. Aside from the cane he wasn't involved. Chaos isn't a bad thing Princess, sometimes it's just what is needed to get ponies moving in the direction you want them to. I held onto the cane for that exact reason."
"So why the wedding?" asked Twilight, "Why the bugbear?"
"Well, I know that you would have to be distracted," said Amethyst, "so I needed a magically resistant creature that would tie you six down, but not seriously threaten anypony. Bugbears are docile, unless you try and shoo them away; I guess that's the honeybee in them. I had that little fella stashed away in the nearby mountains for just such an occasion."
"So it worked," said Twilight, "we were too busy handling your bugbear friend to even realize that the invitations were misprinted."
Amethyst nodded in satisfaction. "It was when Derpy and her young cousin were asking about the printing press that I knew that the time was right to put my plan in action. It gave me a few months to really fine tune everything. They left their stencil in the press and it was a simple matter to alter the date while they went to find Bulk." She stood and wandered around the small break room while she talked. "Vinyl and Octavia would naturally be approached to provide the music," she said, "and if I happened to mention to Octavia how stuffy and overplayed the traditional wedding marches were, well... you saw what that led to."
"How in Equestria could you know that they would do... that?" asked Twilight
"Vinyl had to request a permit for a specially modified cart," said Amethyst, "She called it the 'Bass Racer.' I saw it in action and immediately saw the consequences should it ever actually be used at speed. I determined the path they would take, the speed they would reach and the point where they would need to be... dislodged... to send them on the correct trajectory to arrive through the window I had previously opened. All I had to do was arrange to meet Lemon Hearts at that point, provide her the 'gag-gift' I had told her about, and watch my plan come to fruition."
"And the cane?" asked Twilight, "why use it? Why not just dislodge a few paving stones?"
"I was hoping to throw you off for a few days at least," said Amethyst, "make you work to realize it was me. May I ask what gave me away, I thought you would have at least spent a few days focused on Discord."
"Observation and skilled deduction," said Twilight, her eyes twitching side to side. "What you've done here, Amethyst, well, I can't look the other way. Nopony was hurt, but they might have been."
"Maybe if you had planned it," said Amethyst, "but I assure you, I took every precaution, down to placing the extra thick padding on the chairs they landed in."
"You can't expect me to do nothing," said Twilight nervously. "This was crazy; it was unnecessary; it was-"
Amethyst placed her hoof over Twilight's mouth. "Shhhh," she said, "it's no more odd than somepony making the whole town, including me, fall in love with a doll."
"But-" said Twilight before being muffled again.
"Or making an unsubstantiated doomsday prediction," continued Amethyst, "and then forcing everypony to 'disaster-proof' the town."
"You can't compare the-" said Twilight before once again having a hoof silence her.
Amethyst brought both hooves up to Twilight's head and held her gaze with them. "I expect you to do one thing Princess Twilight," she said. Twilight looked from side to side, refusing to meet the unicorn's manic stare. "Twilight, look at me," said Amethyst, "look at me." Twilight's eyes focused on Amethyst Star's. "I'm the Organizer now."