A Displaced story about a man turned Dalek in Equestria
{Displaced Story}
His name was Eli Minute, a normal teenager who dressed as a Dalek for a group costume contest at Comic-Con with his friends. He just wanted the contest to finish up so he could get out of the stuffy Dalek costume. But when his friend Matt brought over the rewards, he also brought over a Dalek laser that he bough from a man known only as "The Merchant".
Jeremy, one of his other friends, goes ahead and attaches the laser to Eli's costume, and in a flash of light Eli is taken to Equestria with a splitting headache and no sensation in his feet...or his hands...or anything for that matter.
What will befall him as he's trapped in the mechanical body of the most dangerous being in the universe?
This is a collab story written by me, Down with Chrysalis and my good friend Erised the Ink-Moth. Go check him out, he's awesome.
Character tags added as time goes on
Featured May 31st 2015 You guys are awesome!
Episode 1: WHERE AM I!? WHO ARE YOU!? WHAT IS HAPPENING!?
I stare out through from the open panel of this terribly heavy, and incredibly hot suit at the bar booth where two more of my friends sit with me, they themselves dressed up in costumes and sweating profusely as well. The suits are actually pretty neat considering they were made on a nearly zero dollar budget. Jeremy is a Scarecrow, with hay hanging from beneath his dark blue clothes and a menacing burlap sack for a face. Dani is dressed as a Cyberman, and she looks darn good for being encased in a rigid suit of spray-painted cardboard and plastic.
And finally there’s me. I’m a man in an electric wheelchair with a garbage bin pulled over him with a whisk and a plunger attached. Ahem. I mean… I am a Dalek, the most dangerous lifeform in the universe. Whooo-oo-ooo fear me. But if you haven’t guessed, yeah, we’re all cosplaying as Doctor Who villains.
“Oh come on Eli, it’s not that bad.” Jeremy tells me as I shift back and forth to get comfortable, knocking in to the table a few times as I do so.
Oh it’s easy for him to say that, he’s wearing normal clothes. But me, I’ve been sitting in a chair in an incubator all day! He probably has no idea how hot it gets in these things.
“Guys!” I hear a voice yell as the door near the front of the bar swings open.
And would you look just “Who” it is, heh. The man of the hour and the whole reason I’m even here. Seriously, screw you Matt.
“Check it out you guys!” he yells excitedly and slams a box down on the table.
“Excuse me?” Dani says indignantly.
“And Dani.” Matt corrects himself with a sigh before continuing “We won first place!” he says with all the fanboy giddiness I've come to expect from him.
I listen to my friends make shouts of surprise and glee, thanking god that I didn't sit in this suit thirteen hours for nothing.
“And check out all this cool stuff we got!” Matt says as he opens the box “Limited edition DVDs, a set of Doctor Who playing cards, tickets for the concert tomorrow night, *gasp* a sonic screwdriver replica! Aw mah GAWD!”
His face lights up and he immediately runs around “Scanning” things with it, earning him more than a few scandalous looks from the other patrons of the bar.
“Huh, what’s this? A Dalek laser?” Dani picks up the metal rod that was sitting next to the prize box.
“Oh yeah. Some guy in a cloak sold that to me for a dollar, called himself the Merchant, or something.” Matt calls from across the room before going back to changing the music on the jukebox using his new toy.
“Dude, you should totally put it on your costume.” Jeremy tells me.
“Why?” I ask “The contest is over, we won.”
“C’mon Eli, we can still go around scaring people with it. Heck, we could charge people for photos if we’re lucky.”
I see that look in Jeremy’s eye that says there’s no dissuading him, so begrudgingly, I relent and wheel myself backwards so they can put it on.
“Alright, now hold still.” Jeremy says as he pulls off the fake laser and positions the better fake laser.
“He’s in a chair doofus, and I’m holding onto him. The only moving he’s doing is because of your clumsy hands.” Dani tells him.
Suddenly the laser lights up; bright. I have to pull the face panel shut to shield my eyes.
“What the heck man?!” I yell.
“Hey no worries, I probably just hit the on button or somethin’.” Jeremy says and continues to fiddle with my death laser, heh-heh. I just wish he’d hurry up so I can turn it off; that light is shining into my costume, and for some reason I’m feeling tingly, probably just the beers.
“Almost… almost.” Jeremy mutters.
“Slipping. Slipping. Slipping! FALLING!” I hear Matt’s panicked voice cry out, followed swiftly by a huge crash.
“Mah milkshake!” a gruff biker sounding voice yells.
After something hits the metal walls of my costume and knocks me over, I try to open the thing and see what’s happened, only to find that I can’t. And then… everything fades to white.
As I slowly regain consciousness and my brain starts to slowly turn back on, I realize I feel sore all over my body. It feels like I was hit by a... a… actually I can't feel anything at all! Normally I’d panic at this point, but I shrug it off as the usual feelings that come with a severe hangover. Still it does seem a bit strange.
Ugh, how bad does a hangover get that I can't even feel my arms… or my legs… or my torso, or any of me. I must have gotten seriously messed up. I swear this is the last time I drink alcohol again. Ever.
I groan at my current predicament, and my breath sounds oddly...robotic for some reason. I try to open my eyes, but it hurts too much. Deciding that I'll just deal with laying down for now, my hearing starts to come back, and I notice… murmuring?
"What...th...m...my?" it says.
"Sta...it....dangerous."
"Is...one...Sombra's...soldiers?"
More voices join in. Deciding that I've had enough of not knowing what's going on, I force my eyes open and see-
"AHHHHHHHH!"
What...what happened to my eyes!? Why is everything to blue?! It feels like I'm looking through a telescope underwater or something. Wait a second...why did my voice sound so...metallic? Am I in a hospital?! Did they hook me up to something? Did they cut off my arms and legs!?
Before I could freak out even more, or even wonder what's going on, I hear a small frightened voice ask,
"Who...what are you?"
I turn around, or at least I think I did. It was more like only my head moved… or swiveled atop my body. But I ignore this when I see what I can only describe as a little pony staring up at me. It looks like a pony at least, but its proportions are all wrong, and its coat is all... shiny for some reason, like dull glass.
Behind it I could see a bunch of other ponies that are looking at me with trepidation, just like the one in front of me. But what's strange is that when I tried to focus on some of the farther ponies, it was like my vision zoomed in or something. It’s hard to explain, but that must have been what I did because I can suddenly see them much closer and clearer.
I start to look around for whoever called me, but all I can see is more and more ponies.
What...what the heck is going on? I think as I can't help but stare at all these ponies in confusion, Where's the guy who was talking to me?
I look back down at the pony; it’s small, I think it's a foal...or maybe it's a colt. I don't know the terms very well. But before I could get closer to see if she or he had some sort of owner tag or something, the little fillyspeaks!
"Uh...what are you m-mister?"
...
What? Did the little pony just talk? What....WHAT THE HECK! How is that even, that shouldn't even be- My brain tries in vain to comprehend what in gods name just happened.
How can a little pony talk. That should be physically impossible. Ugh, I wish someone would just explain what’s going o-. Wait a minute...explain…
"Ex...."
I suddenly get this strange feeling. Like...like something is calling out to me. Like...
"Ex...Expli..."
Like my brain is telling me to demand something. Too...too...
"Ex..plain. Ex...plain."
I suddenly loose myself to the feeling as I shout,
The little filly and the other ponies jump back from my outburst, but I don't notice as I stare down the little filly and shout,
"EXPLAIN! YOU WILL EXPLAIN HOW YOU ARE ABLE TO SPEAK! EXPLAIN!"
“Ahh, mommy help!” the little pony shrieks and bolts away from me as I continue yelling uncontrollably.
“WAIT! STOP! CEASE! NO! COME BACK! RETURN!” I yelled after the little pony as I ran (or… rolled I guess) as fast as I could.
But it was as I was chasing it that I happened across a piece of reflective wall; it was like a mirror, and the only bit of it for quite a ways that wasn’t chipped or scratched beyond use. Looking at it I saw my reflection, and surprisingly (or perhaps unsurprisingly) my Dalek costume.
“Huh, I thought someone would have taken that off.” I idly stated to myself.“I just have to find a way to take it off… if I could move my arms.”
We interrupt your reading experience to give you this announcement:
Eli speaking is always in the Dalek shouting voice, but for the sake of easy reading it is not written in full caps. When it is, it is when he is shouting louder then a normal Dalek.
Now, back to the episode!
“Hey!” I called to some of the nearby ponies that hadn’t run off “Can one of you help me out of this suit?” If they were smart enough to talk, they were smart enough to open a tin can, right?
I tried to approach them, but each time they backed away in fear or flat out ran away screaming. And after several minutes of this, I finally got fed up and screamed,
“What’s going on here?!” I hear a deep, rasping voice echo around, and the ponies quickly back away, cowering in fear.
I turn around (Swivel? I don’t know.) to see an even stranger and far more horrific sight.
Hovering across the ground towards me is a vaguely humanoid creature, but grotesquely disfigured. Its head was upside down, and it had had bare, empty sockets where its eyes should have been. What little skin wasn’t covered in bandages and shreds of cloak was pale and scabby. And where its hands and feet should have been, there were only stubs that revealed the cut of flesh and bone.
“Get back to work!” it hissed at the ponies, who quickly fled from its path. The thing then turned towards me and gave me the creepiest stare ever as it said in it's raspy voice,
“What is it?”
I backed away from the thing as it examined me up and down, it’s long jagged fangs nearly scraping my face (Face right?).
“What… is… it?” it rasped again, apparently questioning what I was, rather than asking what I wanted.
“Um, I- I’m…” I stuttered in my metallic voice.
Before I could get actual words out, the horrifying thing suddenly grabbed me, using the chains wrapped around its arms to grapple me. It had a surprising amount of control over them, like it was controlling them telepathically or with magic. But was that possible? Maybe it was magnets.
“WRRAAAHHH!” it snarled in my face “You hold no substance! Filthy metal thing.”
What did it mean I had no substance? What was it trying to- Whoa hey, no!
It began lifting me off the ground, and I could feel its chains tightening around me, trying to crush me. I would have wiggled to try and get free, but without the use of my arms and legs it was useless. And as the thing shook and snarled at me, I could feel my mind start to take on a life of its own again.
“Ex… Exter…Exterminate. EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!” I yelled, and a bright blast of light fired from that laser Matt bought, and the thing dropped me to the ground as it fell, and I landed on my tracks with a clunk.
I looked over to it, and saw it was no longer moving. Had I… I had! I had actually killed that monster with my Dalek laser! That’s so awesome! Matt, I owe you an apology man!
My triumph was short-lived it would seem, as not a minute after I’d killed the first monster, a half dozen more descended from the sky or sprung from the darkened alleyways and rooftops, shrieking that ear-splitting shriek and whipping their chains around them.
“Bring it on you freaks!” I yelled at the top of my robotic voice and pointed my laser at the nearest one, “Suck death ray!”
Eli holds back a grimace as he thinks,
I need better battle cries. That one was terri-bad.
And it would seem my laser wound agree, as it refused to fire despite my continued insistence. I look around in panic as the monsters get closer and closer to me, and there's only one logical thing I need to say to sum up my situation, and that is,
“Oh crud.”
And with that I swiveled on my wheels and hightailed it anywhere but here with six of the bloody things chasing after me! I rounded a corner and kept going, weaving through and around broken carts and crates full of rocks that the monsters were able to simply vault or fly over, slowly but surely losing me ground.
I try to shake them off by going through what looked like a market, but it only seems to slow me down as I have to keep dodging stalls and ponies. I'm about to get out of the market when I get blind sided by a tomato smashing into my eye. I can't see anything at all and I start shouting,
"MY VISION HAS BE IMPAIRED! MY VISION HAS BEEN IMPAIRED!"
I start to widely move around the area, and I feel something smash into the metal. I soon hear someone shout out,
"MY CABBAGES!"
Well that explains what I ran into, but I really wish that I could get this STUPID TOMATO OUT OF MY EYE THING!
And as if there was some other worldly being answering my call, I feel my eye...sizzle for a second. Suddenly the tomato is gone and I can see again! But before I can question what the sizzling feeling was I have to make a quick turn before I could crash into some ponies. I look behind me to see...that those monster's are even closer then before! I give a annoyed robotic sigh as I think
This is ridiculous! I’m in a working Dalek suit for crying out loud! I’m pretty sure R2-D2 would have kicked more ass than me right now.
It finally came to a breaking point when one of them used its chains to try and trip me up. It didn't work of course, but it managed to get me tethered to the spot long enough for the rest to catch up and lift me off the ground like the first monster did.
They flung me hard, and this time I landed on an empty crate. My wheels off the ground, leaving me to sit there and swivel helplessly as three more of the monsters hefted up a massive metal gear with their chains and got ready to drop it on me.
“No. No no no, come on!” I shouted in frustration as my doom approached, “Do something! Fire! Kill them! EXTERMINATE!”
My laser fired, hitting one of the monsters holding the gear. As one of their number fell limp, it offset the balance of the mass of metal, causing them to drop it and crush another. They snarled at me and rushed forward, but now I knew how to fight back.
“EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!” I yelled as the urge to kill these things, these inferior, wretched life forms took over.
The death ray's hit spot on as three of the creatures fall limp. Another one of them tries to charge at me form the air, but I don't give it a chance as I aim the Dalek laser upwards and shout,
"EXTERMINATE!"
The death ray shouts out and hits the creature dead in the head. It's head read back and it crashed down into another one of the monsters. I gain a feeling of blood lust as I shout,
"ALL INFERIOR LIFE FORMS WILL BE EXTERMINATED!"
Another death beam hits one of the monsters, taking it out. At last, only one was floating and it dodged my last shot, hovering over me to get behind and out of my range as I lay there, still immobile on the broken box. It wrapped its chains around me like the first monster, detaining my movement further.
And then it flew up into the air with me in its clutches. It flew far higher than the last times, high enough for me to see the city below us. I saw the little houses laying in disrepair, the black crystals that jutted out of the barren ground, the entrances into the earth below that could only have lead to mines… or dungeons.
I also see how the whole city is made out of crystals! Every building, every street, even the stinking trees were made of crystal. But something about them was...off. Beside's the fact that crystal's shouldn't even be able to be used as building material, alot of them had smaller black cystal's sticking out of them. Like a zit's, and it almost looked like they were...draining something from the buildings. But before I could ponder anything else, I see something disturbing.
It was the most frightening of all the bullring's here. It was a towering spire of pure regal crystal in the distance that was absolutely plagued by the black crystals like the land surrounding it. That was where the floating monster was pulling me towards.
When we got to the top, a dark pony coated in cold steel with a crown of dark thorns upon it head stared at me as I hung there.
Wow...someone went a little to far with the goth look. And his horn looks like one of those bad weapons Matt draws up.
Interest was held in his sickly green eyes as for a mere moment before he scoffed, and motioned to his minion with a chuckle. And then the chains holding me up broke loose and I fell back to the earth.
“AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” I screamed in pure terror as I watched the ground get closer and closer.
There was a thud, a jolt, and the sound of shattering rock. But I was still alive. I think...couldn't feel anything before, so for all I know I've cracked in two.
I hesitantly opened my eye… camera… thing, and looked around. Sure enough I was embedded in the ground with a host of glass ponies timidly gathering around.
“Uh… a little help here?” I tried to say as gently as possible in hope that I wouldn't scare them away, not an easy feat considering I scream everything in a robotic screech.
But to my delight, a few of them actually came to pull me out of my indent.
“Thank you.” I tell them, causing them to flinch a bit, but they do nod in acknowledgement. Good, at least they're only half-terrified of me.
“That’s the one!” I heard a small voice yell, “That’s the creature who defeated Sombra’s dementor ghasts. It’ll save us all!”
A small round of whispers went through the small group of ponies, and I could see their coats begin to brighten and gain a sparkling sheen.
So… they’re like mood rings then. I observed.
Before their talk of hope could spread any further though, an ominous laugh traveled down from the top of the spire, and the ground grew dark with the approach of the dark armored pony. I now notice he has purple smoke coming out of his eyes like ghostly makeup. Not the weirdest thing I've seen so far, but it is definitely creepy.
“So… construct. You believe you have the power to defeat me, Sombra, The one true King of the Crystal Empire?” he chuckled before his confident smirk was replaced with a frown,
“Fool. Nopony is a match to my power.”
The horn in the center of his crown flared up for a mere second and I found myself being hurdled backwards by a pillar of crystal that had shot out from the ground in front of me. Ignoring the fact that he said 'somepony' instead of 'someone' I yell in anger,
“EXTERMINATE!”
My death beam shoots straight towards him, but he just laughs as he summons a wall of crystal to block the beam, its surface rippling with the light from the lazer for a short few seconds before he broke it down again.
“What are you?” Sombra asked as he strode forth, his voice deep and cold “An animated pile of scrap metal? Perhaps a soul trapped within a metal body? Or maybe this form is merely a shell to protect your true, frail body. It matters not, something so pathetically clumsy is of no use to me. Die!”
With another flare from his horn and a swing of his head another pillar rose from the ground, throwing me into the air where a salvo of crystal spears hit my metal sides.
They did not skewer me, but I bet they left some dents, and they sent me spinning and tumbling across the ground to the point where I thought I’d lose my lunch. Thank goodness I couldn't feel my stomach right now, or I’d be hurling inside my faceplate.
The King stomped over to me and lifted me up to face him while the ponies around us cowered in fear as they watched, what little color was in them had drained away in his presence. Seeing them this way… I don’t know why, but it just made me mad. Not just mad, no, more like...enraged!
“EXTERMINATE!” I fired my laser into his chest and he grunted on the impact, but glared back up at me as the smoldering wound healed over in a cloud of smoke.
“RRRRAAAGH!” He roared and flung me back towards the spire where his crystal pinned me against the wall by summoning crystals around my body.
“I will end you, pitiful construct.” He said as he leveled the tip of a massive crystal sword at my eye stalk. I don'y know how he's lifting that thing without using his hooves, but right now I really don't want to find out. With a evil chuckle he launches the sword at me. In that moment of imminent doom I felt my mind once again being taken over by thoughts of destruction. But not my own destruction… his. His and any that would try to harm me. Any that would bring suffering to others!
“Negative. I am not a mere construct. I am a Dalek! I AM A DALEK! AND I… WILL… EXTERMINATE… YOU!” I yelled as my mind was filled with uncontrollable anger towards the horse in front of me, and fired my death laser straight at him.
Sombra’s eyes went wide and he quickly summons back the sword and he blocks the beam with the flat end of his crystal sword. But I kept on pouring on the juice, and his sword starts glowing with the energy of destruction being thrown into it.
Finally it could take no more and exploded in a shower of light that bathed the crazy king in its cleansing rays, turning him to dust and smoke as he yelled out in defiance like a cheap cartoon villain on Saturday morning. The crystals holding me against the wall are sucked back into the earth and I'm freed form them.
“You have been exterminated.” I say as I rolled over and stood over his non-existent remains.
I breathe a sigh as I stand on the ashes of the crazy King, and a few moments pass in silence. But with my Dalek vision I can see the ponies looking out from their hiding places behind wooden crates and mining equipment. Slowly and surely they emerge, walking over to where I stand. Shock covers their faces as they stare between me and the ashes slowly melting away beneath my wheels.
One is actually brave enough to come within a few inches of the charred ground, and I can see his mouth wobble a bit as he tries to say something.
“H… h-he’s dead?” he asks unsurely
I nod my head (or my eye stock, not too sure) before I say,
"Yes...Sombra has been exterminated."
A look of pure happiness sparks in his eyes as a smile breaks across his face as he yells,
“He’s dead. Sombra’s dead!”
“We're free!”
“It killed him! Sombra’s finally gone!”
“King Sombra is dead, the wicked King Sombra is dead!” the ponies began chanting and singing.
There were smiles and laughter all around, relief and hope could be seen filling the ponies eyes. Their coats began to shimmer and glow with the oppression of their evil King fading away. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside seeing them like this. But for some reason, a tiny part of me is raging over the fact that they weren't killed along with Sombra, but it was probably nothing.
“Thank you Dalek! You've freed us all!” One of them told me as she gave my metal shell a hug. “Let’s hear it for Dalek!”
“Heh, actually my name’s E-“
"Dalek, Dalek, Dalek!" they chanted before I could finish.
I chuckle a bit; it sounds weird in my robot voice, but the thought of something living cheering for a Dalek and calling it a hero is just too silly not to laugh at.
But the kind of laughter that suddenly rings out throughout the air in the city is hardly the kind I want to hear. It sounds just like the King I just burnt to ashes, but that’s impossible right? I mean he’s dead… right? Nothing gets up from a Dalek laser. Well, besides Jack Harkness, but he doesn't count because he can't die.
Black smoke starts to pour out of the black crystals covering the ground, and it starts to consume everything wherever it spreads, houses, the trees, everything! I look around as the ponies frantically try to get away from it, but there’s nowhere to run.
When the black smoke touches them, it sticks to them like ink, and they meet the same fate as the city around them, dissolving into smoke and drifting away on the wind.
“What do I do? What do I do!? What can I do?!” I scream and try to keep it back by knocking over crates in its path, but it bubbles up right through them.
Seconds later the world is covered in the black smoke, and I can’t see a thing. But I hear a clunk to my right and turn to see a crystal mare standing next to me, her coat is dull again and she looks terrified.
“Save us Dalek!” She shouts and clings to me as the lower half of her body dissolves. “Please save u-“ is all she manages to say before she’s gone, and there was nothing I could do.
I sit there on my wheels as the smoke reaches me, resigned in my sadness to the fate of those I came so close to saving. Even through I only fought those things to save my hide, it still felt pretty cool to save them.
A moment passes and I hear the wind whipping around me. When I open my eye, I find that I’m still here. But nothing remains of the crystal city, save for a buttload of scattered mining equipment and displaced earth.
"The...the whole city. It's...it' gone. They… they’re all gone." I say sadly as the snow outside begins to fall, covering the ground in a white powder.
I just stand there, trying to comprehend what just happened. One minute the pony things were happy and cheering, and the next there's black smoke and terror and then they just...gone. Like they didn't even exist in the first place. I give a robotic sigh before I say,
"Great...now what am I gonna do. Not only did a whole civilization just disappear in front of me after I just saved them. But now I have no clue as to where I am, how I got here, or what happened to me. This day just can't get any wor-"
"HALT CREATURE!"
I am interrupted mid sentence at the very loud voice from behind me. Turning around I see...
Two ponies in armor approached, they were much taller and more slender than the ones I'd seen before, even the King.
Each wore a suit of armor that contoured to their bodies and complimented the colors of their fur and their flowing manes. It looked to be some sort of medieval-ish knight armor, only adapted for horses; plate armor with open-faced helmets and the like. The white one was dressed in gold with a sun emblem, while the blue on had black armor bearing a white crescent moon.
They were quite an imposing sight to behold, and even as they closed the distance I could sense the power radiating off them. Oh, and they were glaring at me with the hatred of a thousand burning suns.
They land a few feet away from me, and while I ignore the fact that they have wings and horns, the purple one shouts,
"IDENTIFY YOURSELF CREATURE!"
Deciding that I probably shouldn't cooperate with two pony things that look like they want to tear me a new one, I respond by shouting,
"NEGATIVE! IDENTIFY YOURSELF FIRST!"
The purple one glares harder at me and is about to say something, but the white one sticks her hoof out in front of her. The purple one looks at her in confusion, but the white one just shakes her head before she looks at back at me with a stern look and says,
"As you wish creature. I am Princess Celestia, and this is my sister Princess Luna. We rule over Equestria in peace and harmony. Now we've given you our names, now isn't common courtesy to give your own?"
She sends me a smug look, too which I ignore. I debate over whether or not I should give my name. But considering how they are royalty, and seeing how they gave me the name to where we are, I decide to give my name.
"My name is Eli Minute. I am a hu-"
I am interrupted when the purple one, Luna, shoots a freaking laser at me! I roll out of the way just before it hits me. The ground where I used to be is destroyed, and I give a sigh of relief of it missing me. I then turn my eye stock towards them and shout in anger,
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!? EXPLAIN! EXPLAIN!"
Celestia and Luna glare at me as Celestia says,
"Instead of giving us your name, you threatened to eliminate us! Just as you did to the Crystal Empire!"
My eye stock goes up in confusion as I think,
The Crystal Empire? Does she mean the city that just vanished. But I didn't do that, it was Sombra! That's it, they must think I'm Sombra.
“No!” I yell in my defence “I saved them! I was the one who killed Sombra and freed them!”
They stare at me in shock for a moment.
“You… you did WHAT!?” Luna yells and fires another beam at me, which I barely manage to dodge “Fool! You’ve done this!”
“What are you talking about!? EXPLAIN!” I demand.
“King Sombra had a curse in place that would take the crystal empire with him should he ever perish!” Celestia tells me, looking absolutely furious
“We were going to detain him alive so that wouldn't happen, and you've wasted our chance! All those innocent lives, gone!”
“I didn't kno-“
Before I can finish that sentence, Celestia and her sister shoot more lasers at me. Seeing as how I don't want to find out if they can blast me to pieces or not, I quickly try to get out of the way. I manage to dodge a few of them before one of them hits me in the side. I don't feel anything, so I can assume that their laser's can't hurt me. But before I can act on this information, I get hit again at the bottom of my container. I ignore it and try to move, but to my horror I'm frozen in place.
I look over to Celestia and Luna, and suddenly they take these six weird gems out of their saddle bags. Before I could wonder what's going on, Luna and Celestia's eyes glow white and they begin to lift into the air. The gems begin to spin around them at super speeds, and the next thing I know a freaking rainbow is being shot at me! With a way to avoid it, I can only say one thing...
"EXTERMINATEEEEEEEEEEE!"
...
But nothing happens.
“What? No. Negative! EXTERMINATE! Come on! EXTERMINATE!” I yell, but my laser only spits out a few measly sparks. I must have used up its power when I blasted Sombra, and that’s bad news for me right now.
A massive rainbow of light comes rushing towards me like a tidal wave from the two sisters.
“NEGATIVE! I DO NOT WISH TO TASTE THE RAINBOW!” I scream as I hear a crackling sound and my metal body is turned to stone.
The two of them slowly descend to the ground and look me over.
“It is done sister.” Luna says “But it appears we were too late to save the crystal empire from this monster’s stupidity. Regrettable, but what shall we do with it now?”
Oh I wish I could yell at them right now; I’d have quite a few nasty things to say. How was I supposed to know what would happen if I killed that crazy king?
Then in the distance I can hear a strange sound. Could it be? If only I could see over… my god, is it? It is. It’s the 9th Doctor! Or at least a pony who looks just like him, leather jacket and everything too. He’ll get me out of this mess for sure!
“Princess Celestia, Princess Luna. Fan-tastic job with this one. I’m glad you were able to handle it on your own, we’ve had enough trouble with these damned things.” He says as he looks resentfully at my stoned from.
Uh-oh. Please tell me this version of the Doctor wasn't just after the Time War!
“I’m sorry sir, but who are you? And what do you know of this machine?” Celestia asks.
“I’m the Doctor.” He says in his usual cryptic way, “I can’t tell you everything, you’re not ready to know I’m afraid. But what I can tell you is that you’re better off smashing that thing into pieces before it destroys everything you hold dear.”
…Well there goes that idea.
“Well, I must be off. But I hope you take my advice.” The Doctor says before returning to the TARDIS, “Oh and Luna, work on your evil laugh. Just trust me on this.”
The two sisters look to each other with confused expressions.
“Sister, doth thou believe what he said. How could this machine destroy us now that we’ve defeated it?” Luna asked her elder sister.
“I don’t know Luna, but we should keep an eye on it at the very least.” Celestia tells her grimly “Come, we will bring it back with us and lock it away somewhere safe. And we still must deliver the bad news to our subjects.” She says that last part while throwing a frown my way.
And so that's how I ended up here, more or less.
A lot of things happened in the last thousand years or so, it's hard to keep track when you're trapped in the same position and unable to sleep. The first few weeks and months were the hardest by far; it was maddening being stuck in that dank underground vault with nothing to do, or see, or anyone to talk to. I even counted the number of beads on a chandelier to pass the time once (four-hundred thousand, six-hundred and ninety).
I must have fluctuated in and out of being utterly and completely insane more than a dozen times that year alone. My mind was so wracked with madness and regret over everything that had happened. I was convinced I was in some sort of hell.
And after a while even that lost its charm, and so I finally just accepted my new existence when finally... at long last I was to be moved to a new place. Imagine my joy!
I overheard from the ponies loading me onto the cart that carried me up the mountain that the sisters who imprisoned me got into a little fight, and now one's gone forever. Banished by the same elements that they used against me. Normally I'm not one for irony, but it just seems so deserving from my stony point of view.
I have to say, the new locale is absolutely lovely. I'm currently living in a garden within a city on the side of a mountain. Now that's something most people can't say. And the flowers are in bloom this time of year, I can hear the birds singing, the gardeners are generous enough to give me a good scrubbing every week, and things are just awesome.
"Oh yoo hoo!"
Oh right... except for him.
"What do you want now Discord?" I ask through the telepathic link he was so kind to set up. And yes that was sarcasm. The guy is annoying beyond belief.
At first it was great being able to talk to someone for once, and in my own voice nonetheless. He even filled me in on the history of Equestria and how things worked there, albeit in his own snide and often condescending way, making the excuse that he wanted me to at least know what he was talking about. But after a few weeks of his non-stop praddling my curiosity started to wear thin in favor of some peace and quiet, peace and quiet he was under no obligation to give.
"Oh I just wanted to throw you a bit of a personal question... if it's not too much to ask." he says almost innocently. I still know better though.
"What?" I ask with a groan.
"Knock knock." he says with a snicker.
I imagine myself face-palming right about now. I just hope I'm not stuck with this guy for long.
Eli's dialogue is always in the Dalek voice, even if it is not in all caps.
That is all, TO THE CHAPTER!
“Is it bigger than a breadbox?” Discord asks.
“No…” I groan.
“Is it smaller than the moon?”
“Yes.”
He puts on a thoughtful expression for a moment before he get's an 'idea' face and he says,
“Is it a double-decker bus full of clowns, all named Carl and Larry, except for one trapeze artist that is a vegetarian that actually sneaks hay-bacon when nopony is looking?”
This actually gets me to look at him in surprise for a moment (or at least pretend to), which is a rare thing indeed at this point; you’d think after one THOUSAND years of this nonsense I’d have heard all that could ever surprise me. And still, every now and then something new comes out of his metaphysical mouth.
“No.” I put blankly, “It was gardener Green’s lawn mower.”
Discord sputters out an incomparable slew of gibberish before finally settling on, “I knew that all along. Ooh, I know! Who wants to join me for a game of Monopoly?”
A chorus of groans echo from all the other statues in the garden.
“Discord, could you give us a moment’s peace for ONE day?!” Bright Banneret yells from her pedestal, “It’s bad enough you've awoken us when we should be resting for when Celestia needs us most, but you have to go and make every day a battle to stay sane!”
For the longest time I thought it would just be me and Discord here. But one by one they were brought to stand beside us, hero’s and warriors from all throughout Equestria’s history; ponies who had no place in a world without war and conflict and were set in stone here, whether by choice, or forcefully in a few cases. While I feel a great deal of sympathy for them, I’m really glad they’re here in this garden; if they weren't here to offer some stability and diversity to our talks, I think I would have gone insane beyond hope of return a VERY long time ago.
Suddenly Which Witch, one time psychopathic necromancer and our current lookout, gets our attention. “Hey hey hey, everypony! Somepony’s coming!” he says spastically, “It looks like that tour group Epic Flail was goin’ on ‘bout last week!”
Everyone talks excitedly among themselves, wondering what this new group will be like. We rarely get visitors in the garden anymore, and when it’s not one of the gardeners there for work, or Princess Sunbutt taking a walk down memory lane, it’s usually just some prissy noble meeting with their associates while they conspire to assassinate Celestia or something equally as stupid.
Now I know what you might be thinking… ahem “Er mah gerd! Assersinate Celerstia? That terrible!” and you’d think it would drive some of us crazy, seeing as how some of these mooks actually respect that heartless harpy. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from being here almost a thousand years now, it would be the fact that you don’t mess with Celestia.
In fact, every time another foolish noble come around here talking about biting off more than he can chew, all of us secretly rejoice, because it means we’ll be getting a new stony friend soon. And then we open the betting pool on how long they’ll last. One was actually caught right here where we could all watch him get stoned, after only two days! But hey, with a name like Stabby Back, what did anypony expect from the guy?
Yeah, royal coup attempts are old news with us. The real excitement comes from young nobles and their significant others, sneaking out to be alone while they do what most would consider to be scandalous.
And before you bash on me for it, no I don’t watch while they, uh… practice their sandwich making. Those of us with any honor at all will avert our omnipresent gaze.
As sappy as it sounds, most of us just enjoy seeing young couples in love; fawning over them if you will. Maybe it’s because it’s one of the few things that truly resonates with all of us, something that all of us have a clear concept of, and it makes us remember what it’s like to feel alive again. And it’s always heart wrenching to hear when two can’t be together because they were born in different social classes. LOVE KNOWS NO ECONOMIC STATUS DAMMIT!
Heh, sorry. But like I said, we take it seriously. You tend to find a whole new respect for this kind of thing when your force to see it happen over and over again for a thousand years. But still, we stone heads usually get really excited when a new couple comes here.
In fact, the only thing that gets all us stone-heads more excited would have to be-
“CHILDREN!” Sheer Bolt shrieks with glee as the group of foals pass by her station at the hedge gate.
Immediately the garden is alight with voices unheard by any of the younglings.
“Oh my gosh, they’re looking at me!” Bright Banneret almost squeals when the teacher introduces her, and the students ooh and ahh.
Although I swear I saw one of the filly's just roll her eyes in a mocking matter, it was probably nothing. I mean no one who's ever heard of Banneret's legend would even think about rolling their eyes at her.
Banneret told us all once; she was a raw recruit, tasked with her team of ponies fresh out of training to deliver a strategic reserve of medical supplies to the front lines. Out of nowhere, a dozen diamond-dogs burst out of the ground and had them surrounded while a griffon strike team, that had been eyeing them from above, swooped down as well. Her five squadmates were about to throw down their spears and surrender, but she took the lead and pushed them onward. Using their own delivery cart as a battering ram, and as a shield against the griffons from above, they broke through the enemy ambush.
There was a chase and a fight afterwards, which ended with Banneret being disarmed and locked in single combat with the griffon commander. And so she baited him closer to the supply wagon where she swerved away from his sword and impaled him with the shaft of an Equestrian flag. Her team rallied around her and drove off the rest of the demoralized enemy forces. She said that it was that skirmish which earned her her cutiemark, and got her promoted to a leader position that she held until the end of the war.
She's the most respected warrior out of all that reside in the gardens. I swear when she first got preserved and moved here the other soldiers wouldn't shut-up about it; complements and the praising and "Please tell us another story Banner-senpai!" for days. It got so bad that Discord put them all back to sleep for a whole twenty years! Best twenty years of my stone life honestly.
But anyways, she's a big deal. Though it seems like the foals are stopping to look at my statue for a change. This is strange since the tour groups throughout the years would normally just walk past me, laughing and calling me a trash can. So the fact that the teacher is actually stopping them here is interesting.
“What’s this one?” a chubby colt points at me “It looks like a trash can!”
And there it is.
“This statue, while humorous looking, was rumored to be a bringer of calamity and destruction; a destroyer of kingdoms.” The teacher tells them.
Oh come on- it was a MISTAKE! I didn't know what would happen! I curse in my mind.
The clots and fillies ooh at this as the teacher continues,
"The princess named this creature 'Terror' for it's crimes. It's been said that long ago, an ancient city of crystals was overthrown by a wicked king's dark magic. It was said that Terror was the King's ultimate weapon, and he used it to ensure that none would oppose his rule."
The teacher gets a sad look as she continues,
"When the time came that the Princesses tried to defeat the usurper King, and save the city, Terror was unleashed to destroy it, so that if he could not have the crystal city, nopony could. To this day, no trace has ever been found of that kingdom destroyed by Terror, and it only lives on in memories and myths." she finished by bowing her head in respect for those who were lost.
"Okay... no. No. No. No. No. NO. SHUT UP DISCORD!" I scream as Discord cackles incessantly at how warped my tale has become, "There's just so much wrong with that, I don't even know where to begin! I mean come on, I tried to save that place! God darn it Celestia, how'd you let this happen; history may be written by the victor, but this is just blatant lying!"
"Oh-hoh you're arguing the correctness of history with Celestia?!" Discord howls, "She's the Princess that let everypony forget that she had a little sister for a thousand years! And you're expecting her to keep your story straight? She doesn't even know you!"
I give a annoyed huff as I whine,
"It's just so unfair."
"Life's not fair buddy, but that's why it's fun to watch." Discord gives me a verbal nudge before breaking into hysterics again.
After my statue the teacher leads the group of kids to a couple other statues. Conveniently, all the statues they visit are some of the good guys that were stoned. Huh...I guess my deed was so bad, even through it was a total accident, that she needed to show them some hero's. Eventually the teacher leads them to the final statue on the tour, Discord's. How do I know he's the last one? Well for some reason whenever tours come through they always end at his statue, usually because two or more ponies are fighting. It's become a sort of tradition around here.
“Now this is a really interesting statue. What do you notice about it?” the teacher, which I can now see has a dark pink mare with a bouncy pink mane asks the group of fillies and colts behind her.
Immediately, three fillies jump to the head of the group and start listing off everything they can see about my mismatched friend.
“It's got an eagle claw!”
“And a lion paw!”
“And a snake tail!”
“My my, quite a rambunctious rabble we have here today. They almost remind me of me.” Discord comments through our thought link as the teacher silences them with a hoof, and begins a quick explanation of just what in the world Discord is.
“Man, I never got along with kids back home.” I tell him, and it was true, if they were under legal driving age, I just found them annoying or needy. And I could never properly interact with anyone who didn’t get pop-culture references from my own childhood (meaning in most cases, before they were born).
Still, my opinions of children may have shifted a bit since I spent A DAMN MILLENNIA set in stone. We almost never see children, or at least not nearly as much as the grown ponies, and it’s always something special to see the innocence and dreams in them, and wonder how they’ll change the world with their lives.
“What do you suppose that represents?” the teacher asks in regards to Discord.
“Confusion!”
“Evil!”
“Chaos!” The three fillies from before shout out, jumping atop one another to get their message heard louder.
“It's not chaos, you dodo!” the white unicorn squeaks at the orange pegasus.
“Don't call me things I don't know the meaning of! And it is too chaos!” the pegasus shoots back.
“You're both wrong!” the third member, an earth pony with an oversized bow joins in as the three come to blows.
“You know what… I still hate kids. And now I’m fearing for the future of this world. What a glorious day this has been.” I remark, and yet my normally obnoxious companion is being unusually silent. Which is not good in my book because a quiet Discord is a scheming Discord. And considering the last time he did this he made all of us stone heads speak backwards for ten whole years, I don't want him to think too long for another 'great' idea,
“Discord? You still with us?”
“Oh my, is it that time already? That certainly came sooner than expected.” I hear him mumble to himself, although not really; all of us can still hear him plain as day through that mind link of his.
“Oi! What are you muttering about over there?” I question him.
“Oh nothing… nothing at all… nothing... at…” he waits patiently, as if stalling for time.
I look around to see that the last stragglers of the students are finally passing the threshold of the garden. Then suddenly the stone around Discord explodes off him in a shower of pebbles and confetti.
“Ooh, oh. Ga-hah-ahh!” he moans as he cracks his joints in the most anatomically impossible manner I've ever seen. “Mmph, being trapped in stone for a thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck. Now then, time to get this chaos party started right.”
He gives a snap of his fingers and in an instant, all those of us who were turned to stone are free and flesh again, or metal in my case. Most run off after dramatically yelling that this will be their second chance to rule the world, or something to that effect. Others just glare at Discord before running off to the castle, perhaps to warn someone.
"We can worry about Discord later, right now we have a bunch loose criminals and psychopaths to deal with. General Iron Wing, I want you and some of the others handling the west side of Canterlot. Sargent Spearhead, take the rest of the men and search the east side. I'll go and inform Celestia about Discord's escape, then I'll take two squads to search the north and south. Move it!"
The hero's and warrior's look reluctant at first, before they all eventually nod their heads and head off with their respective leaders. Banneret gives Discord a glare as she says,
"Prepare to lose Discord, their won't be another reign of chaos as long as I'm unstoned."
Discord gives a mischievous smile before he says,
"Go ahead and try my dear, but you should know me well enough after all these years that I don't go down easily."
Banneret just snorts before she gives me one last look, she then turns around and heads into the castle. Then...it's just me and Discord left in the garden.
Discord gives a mischievous laugh. “Well that ought to keep things interesting for a while.” He says while shuffling his fingers, no doubt scheming something big. Then he notices me just standing there. He gives a...glee of excitement before he says giddily,
“Oh! Look who decided to stick around! What do you say we go have some real fun?”
Considering how we spent easily the longest time trapped together, and formed a common bond between us during that time, there was really only one answer I could give.
“Heck no you twisted fruitloop! I’ve had to put up with you for the last ten centuries, you’re the last person I’d want to hang out with!” I tell him, my voice distorted and metallic once again.
He gives me a rather startled frown, but continues trying to persuade me. “Are you quite sure?” he swoops down and puts a paw around my upper torso “It would be the perfect chance to get a spot of revenge… against a certain pair of Princesses.”
Suddenly my mind is pulled back to that day when they set me in stone. It wasn't even my fault, they just jumped to conclusions because of their anger and grief. I was left to go mad for so long because of them. My mind starts to tread a dark path as I think,
Dang he knows how to make an offer sound enticing. And it would be nice to give her royal snappyness some comeuppance for trapping me in the first place. I could even… exterminate her. Like a true Dalek would! And I should. I need to! I’M GONNA ROAST HER ON THE END OF MY LASER LIKE A BIG WHITE MARSHMALLOW AND-
“Well?” Discord asks, clearly impatient and ripping me from my bloodthirsty thoughts.
I have to shake myself internally to make sure I’ve got my head-piece on straight. “No.” I tell him simply.
There's no way I'm gonna prove those twisted sister's right. I'm no monster, I am no terror! I am not a Dalek! I am normal human trapped in a creature that could wipe out this whole planet. ...Okay maybe I am a monster but I am no terror!
Giving a mental nod to what I just said, I focus back on Discord as he literately deflates and says,
“Fine then.”
He then pops back up as if he were a balloon as he says, “Be a party pooper. I have plans to visit an old friend.” He then snaps his fingers and vanishes from existence.
“Okay then, time to enact my own plan.”
I quickly start wheeling my way around to the front of the castle, hoping to find the Canterlot library, and more specifically its magic archives. I was trapped in stone for a long time, and through the bouts of going crazy, I've had a lot of time to think of a plan. Most of it started as purely hypothetical, daydreams of what I could do. But the longer I spent in this place, the more I learned I might not be trapped forever like I though; my first hope being when I met Banneret. I asked her if she was ever freed, if she’d put in a good word for me.
She said she’d think about it.
But still, it was hope. And since then I’d been seriously thinking about how I’d get back to my own body, to my own world and if need be, my own time when I arrived.
It took a lot of conversing with the backstabbing nobles, but it basically boiled down to: I’m here because “magic”, and what I am because “magic”. There’s a library containing everything about magic in the castle, so I’ll start there and hope there’s a way to get my life back to normal.
Okay… not a perfect, all-encompassing plan, but give me a break, those nobles were a bunch of assholes. And besides, if all goes well I’ll be back with my friends by the end of the day, letting everything that’s happened wash away like a bad dream. And if I'm really lucky, I'll run into that pony version of the Doctor so I can tell him that I'M NOT A EVIL CREATURE!
“Princess Celestia!” a mare with fierce red eyes and a blonde coat barged through the double doors of the throne room, the royal guard stationed failing to stop her.
She ran to the foot of the throne and knelt down, maintaining eye contact with the startled Princess. “Lieutenant Bright Banneret reporting in!” she stated clearly and firmly.
“Banneret?” Celestia said, containing a bit of mild shock. She motioned for her guards to stand down and stepped forward to speak with the mare. “How is this possible? I thought you were in the statue garden, resting in stone.”
“I was your highness, we all were. But Discord broke us out, me and all the others, good and bad. He’s free again your majesty.” Banneret told her as concisely as possible.
Celestia gasped and quickly found a quill and parchment to write on, setting it aside for just a moment while she addressed her awoken soldier. “It is fortunate you are here my friend, we may very well have need of your skills. Gather the others if you can and meet in the courtyard. Sergeant Ironside!” Celestia called and a thick muscular stallion stepped forward with a salute “You and your men are under Lieutenant Banneret’s command until further notice.”
Iron gave a nod and followed Banneret as she galloped out of the throne room. But before she left she turned back to Celestia and said,
"I've already ordered Sargent Spearhead and General Iron Wing to search the west and east sides of Canterlot. Me and Lieutenant Ironside will search the north and south parts of Canterlot."
With that said Banneret and Ironside rush out of the throne room. Celestia nodded and watched them go, bringing up her quill and parchment to begin a letter to her faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. She knew Discord was the top priority to stop, but her mind was still plagued with worry over the dozens of others she’d sealed away; ruthless warlords, necromancers and users of forbidden magic, and that one creature… the Dalek . That strange stallion had told her and Luna how dangerous it was, but could it be true? “I must act quickly.” She told herself as she sent off the letter, “Who knows what horrors could that monster be unleashing at the very moment?”
“ARRGH! Lacking navigation equipment. Sense of direction impaired. Frustration levels rising. Quandary: why is this structure so difficult to navigate? EXPLAIN!” I shouted at the top of my Dalek lungs as I turned down another corridor only to find that it was indeed, not where I wanted to go.
“Of course. The very first thing that’s integral to my plan succeeding, and I didn’t bother to ask anypony for directions.” I chastised myself as I rolled down identical hallway number fifty-three. “Just great.”
Just then a door flew open and slammed me right in the eye-stock.
“Ow! What is the meaning of this sudden transgression?” I screamed as I wobbled back a few paces.
“My apologies sir, I didn’t-“ a maid started as she came around the open door with a basket of laundry in her teeth and a service trolley pulled behind her. She stopped mid sentence and looked around. “Hello, is anypony there? I swear I heard a voice just now.”
“That was me you hit.” I speak up. “Do you know where the library is?”
The maid looked at the thing before her, and in a snap decision threw her basket of fresh folds onto him and ran off screaming, “The furniture’s come to life again!”
I give an annoyed sigh and I shake off the towels.
A few minutes later I’d finally found a map of the castle, neatly framed and hung on the wall of an intersecting hallway.
“Okay then… let’s see here.” I mumbled to myself as I scanned the color-coded parchment, “Ah, there’s the library on the west side!” I exclaimed
“And I’m… aw cut me a break already…”
There, written in stark white on a big red arrow were the words “YOU ARE HERE.” all the way on the far north-east wing. And something about those words… those plain, simple, glaring words made my mind go crazy. They were just sitting there… telling me how far I had yet to go.
I stared at them for a moment.
...
“STOP MOCKING ME!” I yell at the offending letters, “EXTERMINATE!” I blasted the map, leaving a layer of melted plastic and scorched paper. Satisfied with my revenge, I continued on my way.
It could have been hours or it could have been minutes. But I didn't really care, because all that mattered was that I had made it. Before me were the polished gold trimmed doors that held the answer to all my problems within. I pushed my way through.
“Alright…” I give a victorious greeting to the rows upon rows of shelved books. “So uh… where’s am I supposed to start?”
I groan as I reached the end of another shelf. “Man, these ponies need to invent Google.”
There was one book of simple cantrips that I flipped through early on, out of idle curiosity. But I wasn't sure how to even use any of the spells without a horn like unicorns had, so I popped open one of the suit’s outer panels and shoved it inside; maybe I’d figure it out later.
Yet in all the time I’d spent searching, I haven’t found anything titled even remotely close to “Turning back to your normal self for dummies” or “Get home to your own universe 101”. Most of the stuff was either boring history books, books on magical theory, things written in languages I couldn't even read, or even one misplaced cookbook.
“This is so hopeless.” I said as I waded through all the books I’d simply let fall from the shelves.
As I search through some more shelves, I can't help but start to remember why I'm doing this in the first place. It was around two hundred years ago when Discord asked a question. A question that changed my view on this whole Dalek suit...
200 Years Ago
"So what are you exactly? Some technomancer's experiment gone wrong?" Discord asks me on this particularly sunny day.
Seeing as how it's not his usual brand of annoyance, and instead seems like genuine interest, I decide to dignify it with a response. "I'll have you know I'm a human, thanks very much."
"A human?" he sounds almost perplexed.
"Yeah, you know. Bipedal, two arms, big brains that invent things and we turn simple disagreements into wars? Humans." I elaborate.
"Oh yes yes, I know what humans are. Haven't seen any around here in a very long time, but I remember them quite clearly. And you my boy, are certainly not a human, not in the slightest." He tells me.
"And what would you know about what makes someone human?" I counter "You're not all that human yourself last I checked."
"Oh but I know a lot more about it than you might think. But just look at yourself." he says.
I feel the focus between our minds sharpening for a second, and suddenly we're in a wholly different place. There doesn't seem to be a floor, and the air and scenery in the distance is made entirely of colors, more neutral and calm on my side, wild and spastic from where Discord stands. I realize I'm able to move again as well, but my glee is short lived when I realize where we are.
"Ooh, it's been a while since I've created a mindscape with anyone, but it's necessary to show you the truth." Discord says and calmly saunters up. He raps my metal helmet a few times with his lion paw and there's a hissing noise as a few panels open up, and I feel strange. For one thing, I can actually feel for the first time since I've arrived.
He snaps his fingers and a full-body mirror appears in front of me, and I'm horrified at what I see. Inside the open Dalek suit is not my human body, crippled or otherwise, but an actual Dalek squid thing. I slap myself with my tentacles, feeling my squishy face and trying to say something, but my mouth won't let me speak.
"See?" Discord asks "I told you that you weren't human, but did you believe me? Nnnooo-ooo."
"B-but... I was a human. I was a human with human friends, and a human job and everything." I can feel my mind start to deny what's happening
"This has to be some sort of trick, you're tricking me! This can't be real!"
"Oh it's no joke." Discord assures me "As much as I'd like to be able to mess with some heads, those blasted Elements have sealed away all possibility for lies and deception. So you'd better believe it's true."
And with that, the mindscape faded away, and I was left back in the gardens. Preforming that kind of face to face obviously drained Discord's powers quite a bit, or maybe he was just giving me the cold shoulder, because he didn't make a single sound until autumn rolled around that year. And it gave me a whole lot of time to think about just what in the world had happened to me.
Back to the Present
It was on that day I vowed to find some way home, and to find some way to turn me back to my good old human self. But considering how none of these magic books know anything about transformation or portals, I might never get to complete that vow.
"I'm doomed..."
In my moment of silence and doubt, I heard something coming down the hallway outside the doors; it sounded like hoofsteps, and there were a lot of them. Not long after, a group of six ponies passed by the door, each talking to each other about a maze or something. But it wasn't until the last one passed by the door that anyone took notice of my presence. She was a purple unicorn with a no-nonsense mane-cut, and she looked absolutely horrified at what she saw.
“Hey Twi, y’all comin or what?” one of the others, an orange pony in a stetson called back to her, but she was in no mood to listen.
Instead she darted into the room and stated scooping up entire piles of the discarded books. “Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no.” she muttered in a panic as she tried to get them all back onto the proper shelves “It’s okay little ones. No, don’t cry. Mama Twilight’s here, everything will be okay.” She cooed to them like they were children.
“Uh, Equestria to Twilight? You realize there’s an evil mastermind out there causing all kind of chaos right?” a rainbow-maned pegasus asked as she and the other three backtracked as well.
Twilight shot a glare at them all. “There’s no time for that! Just look at this mess!”
“So… you wouldn’t happen to know anything about books and magic would you?” I speak up, alerting them that I’m not just part of the library’s décor.
They turn to me in surprise. The one with the rainbow hair and the southern sounding one take a defensive stance. The white one and the yellow one hide behind them. While the really, really, really pink one just got a huge smile on her face and she started to bounce.
...
That one's gonna give me a migraine in the future, I just know it. Anyway, I tune in back to the Twilight pony as she says unsurely,
“Uh, yeah. That’s kinda my specialty.”
“Oh good. I’ve been searching this place top to bottom for hours now. I have no Idea what I’m even supposed to be looking for.” I tell her.
Suddenly the mare is right up in my lens. “What!?” she squawks “YOU did this to all these poor defenseless books!? What kind of horrible, despicable, disgusting, disturbing , psychopathic monster are you?”
I search for answer as she fogs up my eye lens with her heavy breaths.
...
“Um, I’m a Dalek.”
Twilight blinks a couple times before she backs off. "Dalek? What in Celestia's name is a Dalek?" she taps her chin in thought “Are you a sorting robot? Because you’re doing a terrible job if that’s the case.”
I imagine myself giving her look of confusion (having no face and all that is hard to get used to when I used to be able to quite literally get my thoughts across). "Wait...Celestia never told you what a Dalek is?" I ask.
Twilight and the others clap their hooves to their ears in pain as she responds through gritted teeth, "No, she never once mentioned a 'Dalek' thing before."
I image another confused look as I ask the other ponies too,
"None of you have heard of a Dalek before?"
They cover their ears again before the white one gives a little huff. "I'm sure I would remember somepony telling me of a talking trashcan with a voice like hooves on a chalkboard. Seriously dear, please use your indoor voice."
The other ponies shake their heads in the negative as well. I give a robotic sigh before explaining myself. "First of all, my voice is stuck at this volume. If I find the button to lower the volume, I’ll be sure to let you know. Secondly, a Dalek is an alien being from another world."
They also happen to have a huge superiority complex and try to kill everything that's not a Dalek. But I think I'll keep that part to myself. No reason for Celestia to get actual reasons to stone me.
Twilight and the other ponies just stare at me in this weird expression that I don't know the meaning of. After a couple more seconds of awkward silence the rainbow one flies up to my eyestock and demands,
"So you’re an alien huh? Are you some sort of alien spy then!? An invader?! An alien invader here to spy on the Princess?"
I back up from the rainbow one, and just stare at her for a few seconds before I turn my head towards the orange one in a stetson. "Please tell me this one is not serious." I say to her.
The orange one snaps out of her gaze and chuckles awkwardly before saying,
"I'm afraid so partner, Rainbow here tends to jump the barn when she meets...interesting ponies. But she does make a fair point, how do we know that you’re not some evil invader, or one of this Discord feller’s crazy creations?"
I nod my eyestock at her logic; it seems perfectly reasonable. I mean if I found some strange alien creature I would think they we're up to something too. After all, human logic also dictates that all aliens are evil till they save the earth and/or save a human’s life. Anyway, I should probably explain that I'm not evil or one of Discord's crea- wait a minute there.
Wait just a darn minute...she thinks Discord made me up? That’s just…
"Bwah...hahah...hahaha...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Now let me tell you, in hindsight, laughing like this is a pretty bad idea all things considered. A Dalek’s laughter is the creepiest thing you'd ever hear, it's like a robot laughing, but with a touch of insanity and bloodlust.
Of course I was too caught up the moment to notice this fact, me being Discord’s pawn in all this is too hilarious for me not to laugh at.
The ponies on the other hand were giving me the most freaked out looks I've ever seen, rightfully so. But thankfully I calm down enough to stop laughing before they decided to attack me. I stare at them for a second as I calm down before I tell them with a sigh,
"Sorry about that, it's just really funny that you guys thought Discord made me. That nutter couldn't make me up even at his best. You see I'm actually a human turned into Dalek. My name is Eli Minute-"
"Eliminate? What kind of name is that?" the pink bouncy one asks.
"No no no, not Eliminate. Eli-"
My sentence is interrupted when I suddenly get the intense urge to move to the right. I decide to follow this instinct, and just in time to as a midnight colored laser shoots over where I used to be. I look at the spot in anger before I shout out,
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS TRANSGRESSION! EXPLAIN! EXPLAIN!"
I look over to where the laser came from, and my blood runs cold as I see who shot it.
"Luna..."
“Princess?!” the ponies yell in surprise.
The midnight pegacorn comes out of the shadows and glares at me as she yells in a voice that puts even my Dalek yelling to shame,
"STAND BACK SUBJECTS, GET AWAY FROM THAT MONSTER!"
I give a robotic growl as the ponies from before back off as Luna lands in front of them. I calm myself down slightly as I say,
"Oh, if it isn't trigger finger Luna here to fly off the handle again, come to blast me to stone for accidentally yelling in a library?"
Luna snorts at my comment as she says,
"We are here to stop thou from helping Discord continue his reign."
Oh I wish I could give her a deadpanned look right now. Curse the Daleks and their lack of facial features! Anyway, I image giving her a deadpanned look as I say,
"And what makes you think that I'd help that whackjob?"
Luna glares at me as she says,
"We saw thou talking with Discord when he was freed. We became suspicious of what thou were up to, so we followed in the shadows. When thou went into the magical archives, we knew what your plan was. Discord must have commanded you to find a spell to destroy the elements! We followed thee in while thou wasn’t looking.” She says smugly “We shan’t let thou harm our subjects, now stand down or we will not miss a second time."
I can't help but be furious at her stupidity.
She thinks I'd work with Discord to help kill innocent ponies. I would never kill an innocent person! Sure, I'm a Dalek and my only purpose is to kill people, but I'm still human on the inside! I’m better than that! And yet this arrogant twat thinks I'm trying to kill her ponies, for Discord no less! You little piece of-
I suddenly lose focus as I aim my laser at Luna and shout,
"I WILL NOT STAND BY AND BE ACCUSED OF CRIMES I DID NOT COMMENT! STAND DOWN OR I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU!"
“Exterminate this!” Luna shouts and blasts a beam of magic my way.
I dodge it again and instinctively fire my death beam at her. She counters it with another blast of her own and they clash in the center, neither giving any ground.
She lets off a grunt of discomfort and amplifies the intensity of her beam. I do the same, equalizing the exchange once again.
Sparks fly off from the point of contact as the two of us continue to pour into the duel and land in a pile of loose scrolls, setting them ablaze.
“NNNOOOOOO!” I suddenly hear as Twilight dives into Princess Luna and knocks her out of the way, leaving our beams to swerve and miss each other, carving streaks into the walls on either side of us. “Princess what are you thinking, these records are irreplaceable!” Twilight scolds her as she magically extinguishes the flames. "Or at least they are until I have a spare weekend to copy them all down!"
I realize that last time we faced off ending with me trapped in stone, and I’m not ready to take my chances again. So, deciding it’s time for a hasty getaway, I look for the nearest exit, which happens to be a window to my right.
I dash (roll quickly) for it, and prepare to throw myself right through it, consequences be damned.
“HALT VILLAIN!” I hear Luna yell after me.
“I’m not evil you stupid- *Crash* biiiiiiiittcch!” I yell back at her as I jump out the window and plummet down the fifteen story fall.
Weird, it was on the ground in the front of the building. Wait…
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I shut my eye as I wait to hit the ground. It may not hurt in this indestructible body, but it's still terrifying seeing the ground rushing towards you. A few seconds go by but nothing happens.
I dare to open my eye, and find that I'm floating in mid-air! I start to panic how it's possible that I'm flying..when it hits me.
"Oh yeah...Daleks can float. How'd I forget that!?! Man, Matt would never let me live that down if he found out."
Shrugging off that bout of stupidness, I try to fly around. Apparently it's just like video games, inverted and difficult as hell. Eventually though I get the hang of it, at least to the point that I'm not crashing into anything (my apologies to the walls and that one window cleaner). It seems I'm just in time too, as I see some pegasus guards coming my way. I give a robotic 'tick' as I think.
Go figure that Luna would send some lackeys after me instead of fighting me straight on. That coward, thinking I'm not good enough to be dealt with face to eyestock! Well whatever, I'll have my vengeance later. In the meantime I'd better lose these guys before they give me a reason to deem them 'not innocent and requiring a lazer to the face.'
With that thought in mind, I turn around and start to make a break for it with the pegesi in hot pursuit. I fly around tower after tower of the castle trying to shake these guys off, but they just won't give up!
"Land now creature in the name of the princesses or we will be forced yo use drastic measures!" one shouts as he pulls alongside me.
I give a snort before I turn around and shout,
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPERS!"
Hehehe, always wanted to say that. Now to just dodge them-
"Oh shoot WA-*crash*
Apparently turning around to mock this worlds police while flying is a bad idea. Cause right now I'm crashing through multipa walls of a tower at the moment.
"OW!*crash*OW!*crash*OW!*crash*OW!*crash*WHY ARE THERE SO MANY WALLS!*crash*"
I crash through the final wall of the tower and start falling towards a...really tricked out maze. I mean it's huge, and I think part of it's even upside down! How is that even possi-oh...Discord's out...nevermind. Wait...is that him standing at the entrance with those ponies from the library? And why is he looking my way with a giant catchers mitt?
Oh, it's because I'm still crashing isn't it? Wait a second...
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
After several terrifying seconds of shouting and falling, I finally land in the catcher's mitt with a loud *Th-wumpf*
I hear cheering from several spontaneous Discord clones all in baseball fan attire, while the real one lets out a hearty chuckle, "Oh, looks like I caught the foul ball! Go me." he says while he autographs posters for the fans consisting of other hims.
"Shut it Discord, and put me down!" I demand.
Discord sighs and I hear him snap his fingers, making his clones and baseball gear disappear back into the nothingness they come from. I end up landing back on the ground, and notice the six ponies from before are here as well, staring at me with a great amount of unease.
I heave a mental sigh as I realize,
Great, that means Luna probably l told them the 'truth' of what I am. Now how am I gonna to convince them to help me get home!?
I snap my lens over to Discord when I hear him giggle a bit; never a good sign that. I imagine a glare as I ask,
"Why'd you giggle just now? Please don't tell me you painted me pink...again!"
Long story about that, has a group mind merge and a bet gone wrong involved in it.
But Discord shakes his head no, as he says,
"Oh no no no...well yes. But that's not why I'm giggling. I'm admiring your newest art piece. I must say it really is fascinating."
I image a confused look as I turn to look at what he's looking at, only to see the multiple Dalek shaped holes in the tower I just crashed through. I stare at it a little longer, questioning how I made a prefect outline of a Dalek in the wall, when the tower slowly starts to tip over. I hear the ponies gasp behind me as part of the tower slides off and falls to the ground, well the rest of it crumbles into pieces. There's a loud crumbling sound as a smoke stack pops up into the air. I can image a sweat drop forming behind my robot head as Discord laughs hysterically behind me. I give a robotic growl as I turn around to face him.
He suddenly puts on a art critic cloths, and gives a small scrutinizing nod towards the destruction unfolding. "Oh such a shame. Good art never seems to last these days, they always seem to crumble away into nothing but dust. Or maybe that's just symbolic life in general? Well except for me... I never go out of style!" He laughs before he snaps his clothes off in a flash, and is back to his vanilla brand of insane.
I give a annoyed tick and are about to tell him to shut up, when he suddenly flips me around, puts his arm around my shoulder, and says,
"You know what Dally, you popping up here just gave me a great idea for these fine young ladies game!"
I image a look of confusion as I ask, "Game? What game, and why are they playing one? If it's scrabble with Neighponiese words again, I swear I'm gonna-"
"Hey! What are you two talking about over there!?" the Rainbow pegasus shouts.
"Excuse me! Private con-ver-sa-ti-ON!" Discord says in a heavy french accent before pulling down a window shade. He turns back to me with a chuckle as he begins to explain. "Why you see my dear Dalek, these ponies where sent here to retrieve the Elements of Harmony I stole so they can turn me back to stone and ruin all the gloriously chaotic fun. But you see, I hid them away, and I'll never tell where." he says with a grin.
I stare at him for a second, silent.
"They're in Twilight's tree house in Ponyville." he whispers quickly, unable to help himself, "They think they're in the maze because of a riddle I gave them." he snickers.
"Right then. I'm just gonna go tell them that then." I say and try to roll over to the ponies, hoping that they'll trust me when I give them this tidbit of info.
"Whoa there!" Discord lifts me right up off the ground and carries me back "Where's your mischievous side, your taste for entertainment? Don't you want to play some games with these silly ponies; think of the possibilities, we could have oodles of fun."
"Uh, no." I tell him and try to roll my way over to the ponies again.
"Okay how about this, you buzzkill?" Discord grabs me back, plunking me down in front of some sort of prize box. He gives a drumroll for a few seconds before he stops and popps open the lid. "A one way ticket back to your home sweet home!"
My eyestock goes wide in surprise at this as Discord magics up a portal. Through it I can see the bar where I was taken from, and my friends tripping and stumbling over tables and overturned chairs, still in costume; all of it's just there, frozen in time before me. I can't help but wheel my way towards it. But before I can get too close, Discord snaps his fingers making the portal disappear.
"Ah ah ah, you know our agreement." He tutts, and smiles slyly before he offers his tail-hand "Do we have a deal?"
I stare at him weighing the pros and cons. On the one hand, he's Discord, and any game he wants me to play is probably not going to sit well with my moral compass. But on the other hand, he's giving me a way back home, a straight shot. When would these ponies and their conclusion-jumping Princesses ever give me the same deal?
"Alright... what's your game?" I agree.
"Marvelous!" He claps his hands and rips away the window shade that was previously suspended on thin air. "Now the game is that the Element bearers have to go into the maze and 'find' their missing elements, but I've added my little twist, as I so love to do."
He gestures towards the ponies before he continues, "To keep things fun, the rules are no flying, and no magic. And to make sure they don't cheat..." he snaps his fingers again.
Suddenly a bright flash of light envelops four of the six mares before us, and they find their wings and horns have vanished.
He flashes back over to me and flashes me a cocky grin. as the ponies start to freak out. "I've taken the liberty of removing a few of their...unique traits. Leveled the playing field as they say."
It takes me a couple of seconds to process this, and when it does well...
"YOU DID WHAT!"
It makes me mad. Discord and the girls flinch at my shout as I continue,
"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO THEM?! ARE YOU MAD! No wait, you are mad! Just look at them!" I say, motioning to the rainbow one, who's currently sobbing on the ground over the loss of her wings "You better put them back now or I will EXTERMINATE you right now!"
I point my laser gun at him to emphasize my point. The girls look shocked at this action, but Discord just has a sly grin as he says,
"Oh ho oh, don't worry Dally dear. They'll get them back when the game is through." he assures me "And besides, I've yet to give you your part in all this."
He smiles slyly at this before he flashes in between me and the girls and continues in a announcers voice, "For you see my metal friend, you're going to be the Minotaur of this maze! You will patrol this maze and hunt down our little ponies. You find them, and if you hit them with your laser gun, and they are eliminated from the maze!"
He gives a mischievous grin as he declares,
"Now that you all know the rules... let the games...BEGIN!"
Suddenly I see a flash of light, and the next thing I know I'm in the maze. I stay at where I am in the maze for awhile as I think,
That's his game? A way home in exchange for these ponies lives? That sick freak! If Discord is telling the truth then this is my chance to go home and forget all this! But...I don't want to kill anyone. Their just some helpless victims in Discords twisted game. There' gotta be some way to avoid killing them... I just need to think of- Wait!
I start to think back to what Discord said...when it hits me.
He only said too hit them with my laser gun! I don't need to shoot them, just bonk them hard on the heads! Ha! Take that Discord, I've found a loophole in your crummy rules! Now lets go hunt them ponies!
With that thought, and a tiny feeling of bloodlust, I sent off into the maze to find the ponies.
“Don’t worry girls.” Twilight tells her friends, “We’ll get the elements and be out in no time!”
“Oh but Twilight, what about that monster Discord sent in after us?” Fluttershy reminded her, “What do you think he meant when he said ‘hit us?' It won’t try to hurt us will it?”
“Ha! Not if I got anything to say about it.” Rainbow stepped up, “If it tries anything with me, it’s going to get a hoof right up its… uh, does it have a nose? Never mind! I gotta go in there and get my wings back!”
“And the Elements of Harmony darling, mustn’t forget those.” Rarity added.
“Oh, heh… right.” Rainbow rubbed her neck and gave a sheepish smile.
“Then what’re we all waitin’ fer? Let’s get on in there and win this thing!” Applejack said, moving to the head of the group with Twilight.
“Right.” The hornless unicorn said confidently “We’ve got nothing to worry about as long as we do this together.”
“Together!” echoed her friends.
Though it seemed Discord had a sense of all things ironic involved when he altered the maze, and thick green walls of foliage sprang up between the six mares, separating them form one another despite their screams of panic and protest.
“Consarn it!” Applejack cursed as she bucked at the wall, only to have it absorb her hooves and spit them back out. “Takin y’alls magic and wings was one thing, but this here just ain’t playin fair!”
“There’s no time to argue, we have to get to the end of the maze and retrieve our elements!” Twilight told them “But be careful everypony, that Dalek destroyed an entire kingdom once, there’s no telling what it’ll do to all of us.”
There’s a wall in front of me.
So I turn left and roll my way down the path a ways… only to find another wall.
I turn around and take a corridor to the right. It’s a dead end.
You know, for some reason I thought this would be easier. I think as I find my way back around to (approximately) where I began.
I’m supposed to be the minotaur in the maze right? Well I’m a pretty lousy minotaur, because I can’t even find my way around, much less any mares to bop on the head. It doesn’t help any that the walls keep rearranging themselves; for some stupid reason I thought Discord might give me some kind of advantage, me being on his side and all.
I let out a frustrated robotic growl that echoes throughout the maze.
Actually… that was pretty cool, and scary. So I do it again as I move around the winding hedges. This time it’s even louder and more menacing, and I’m practically bursting with laughter.
In fact, the laughter sounds scary too. I decide to laugh for a while.
Finally I let out a contented sigh as I feel myself relax. I’d forgotten how good it felt to move around and just enjoy myself.
It’s at this point that I actually spot Discord himself, he looks to be shoving a trio of apple puppets… puppets made of apples? Anyway he’s shoving them into a treasure chest like you’d see in those old 8-bit games.
He finally manages to shut the thing and wipes a bead of sweat off his brow before turning to me. “Ah, there you are. I was wondering where you’d gotten to. But you’re in the wrong area of the maze I’m afraid, this is the behind the scenes area.”
“Yo big D!” Shouts a pony in a delivery outfit behind me, “I got them balloons with the changin’ faces ‘n stuff fer the next pony. Need a signature ova’ here.”
“Be with you in a minute!” he calls before turning back to me. “As for you…”
He sticks a doorknob on a section of the hedge maze and pulls it right open, motioning me through.
“Off you go, you have ponies to hunt.” He says disinterestedly.
I’m beginning to wonder what he was up to, but before I can think too deep into it, I see my first target, and my Dalek side urges me to pursue to orange mare. She looks a bit… duller than when I last saw her, but it might just be my eye playing tricks on me, and she seems to be staring into space. Perfect for a sneak attack.
“A-ha!” I yell as I jump out at her “I’ve got you now!”
“No ya don’t.” she says and shifts her eyes back and forth, refusing to make eye contact.
“W-what? Yes I do!” I insist, “Just look! I’m right in front of you here and there’s no way out.”
To make a point, I roll over and slap her with the end of my laser. “There see?’ I say as she rubs her cheek “I just tagged you, so you’re out.”
“No ah’m not!” she stubbornly denies it. “And ta prove it, ah’m just gonna keep on goin’.”
With that she turns up here nose, does an about-face, and walks off… straight into a hedge wall.
“Uh, you know you can’t just go through it right? Even if you weren’t already out.” I tell her.
“Sure I can, just watch me.” she says and keeps pressing her face into the shrubbery.
To my surprise, the wall actually opens up, sliding into itself as the maze changes it’s layout again. On the other side I see another of the ponies trotting by, Twilight if I’m remembering right. She looks different without a horn sticking out of her forehead.
“Applejack? Thank goodness.” Twilight says as she pulls Applejack’s head out of the leafy wall “I knew I heard voices coming from over here. Who were you talking with?”
“Nopony!” Applejack answers quickly, scrunching up her face as though lying left a bitter taste in her mouth. “I wasn’t talking to no one whatsoever.”
“Ah, so you were talking to someone then?” I say, pointing out her double negative.
Twilight gasps, noticing I’m here, and quickly grabs Applejack. “It’s the Dalek! Run for- wait, did you lie to me just now?”
“I think she did.” I tell her, reminding her of my presence at the same time. “Can I hit you with my laser?”
Twilight’s eyes go wide and she turns back to her friend. “Applejack, RUN!” she yells and then gallops off.
“Chocolate milk?” Applejack says as she follows.
I look around for the two mares, but they’ve managed to outrun me about half a minute ago, leaving me only their shallow hoofprints to follow. At that time, the maze walls choose to randomly shift again, causing me to lose them for good... at least for now.
I have to admit, this really is a lot of fun. It’s like I’m the slasher in an old horror flik, chasing down the group of teens, albeit without brutally killing them when I finally corner them. I can feel the adrenaline and thrill of the hunt coursing through me right now.
“My name is Eli Minute!” I yell to the sky, “Do you hear me universe? I am free, and I am ALIVE!”
“Well good for you.” I hear a voice behind me rasp out.
I turn around and come face to face with the pink one with the improbably bouncy mane, and boy does she look like someone put their feet in her cereal. Weird metaphors aside, she really does not look happy to see me, or happy about anything at all for that matter.
“What’re you so happy about huh?” she growls.
“Well, I’m having the time of my life in here right now. I mean sure I’m hunting down you and your friends, but at least I’m looking on the bright side of things. I’ll get to finally go home after this is over.” I explain “But beyond that, I’m just kinda happy to be free again.”
“Oh really? Why’s that so great, it’s nothing to be happy about.” She gets in my face with a scowl “Nothing’s good around here and it sure isn’t anything to have fun with.”
She then puts on a black mask with pointed ears before she continues in an even deeper gravelly voice. “That sick clown is sending Equestria to Tartarus, and I don’t know if we can save it. We may not be the heroes they deserve, but we’re the heroes they need. And so I’ll search for justice where none exists, find hope for the those that are already doomed; and if I can’t save them… then you can bet I’ll avenge them. You got that punk?!”
I quickly slap her across the face with my laser, and she looks at me for a moment, stunned but no less angry.
“That’s for ruining my good mood, and ripping off all my favorite superheroes!” I yell at her.
W-wait. Why did her hair go straight just now? And why is she staring at me like tha- WHERE DID SHE FIND A CIRCULAR SAW?!
“No no please I didn’t mean it!” I scream in terror as she inches closer while revving up the blade. But it’s okay, because I’m a Dalek. I can surely take her on. So naturally…
“AAAAAHHHHHH!”
I decide to run away screaming.
“AAAAAAHHHHHH- oof!” I scream, blindly running ahead until I run into something “Hey buddy, do you mind? I’m runnin for my- Discord?” The draconequus gives me a questioning look, and simply jabs his finger down the way he came. “She’s over that way.”
“Dare I ask what has your shorts in a twist?” I ask him hesitantly.
“Oh I just hate having to be so direct with things.” He says lazily before walking off with a frown.
“What was that all about?” I wonder as I come around the corner, assuming a pony is there for me to find. “Gwah!” I scream as my treads are pulled out from under me and I fall face down into the dirt.
“Oops. I guess I didn’t see you there.” A sweetly sour voice says to me in a manner that’s not apologetic at all.
“You did that on purpose.” I say angrily to the butter colored mare as I float myself upright.
“Oh, now why would you say a thing like that to poor little me?” she asks before flicking the end of my eye with her long tail.
“Ugh, look. Whatever your deal is with me, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to do my part so I can leave. Now if you’ll just let me tap you with my laser I can-“
“Oops.” She grunts as she smashes a flower pot over my metal dome.
“Cut that out! You ponies are all a bunch of jerks!”
“Oh boo hoo, is that a problem for the little baby?” she pouts “Why don’t you cry it out?”
“You know what? I never asked for any of this!” I begin my long needed rant “I was just hanging with my friends, and got sucked through time and space to land in this miserable world. I was attacked right off the bat, and got imprisoned in stone for a THOUSAND YEARS for trying to defend myself and a bunch of innocent slaves!” my robotic voice starts to break “All I want now is to go home, and the only way I can is if I tag you all out. So look into your heart… can I please hit you with my laser?”
The mare just stares at me with a funny look on her face before she casually flips her mane out of her eyes. “Why bother helping a freak like you? It doesn’t matter where you’re from; I bet nopony misses you anyway.”
I pause for a moment. “You take that back… right now.” I order her, a disturbing calmness overtaking my already monotone voice. She huffs and turns to walk away. “I wouldn’t waste the effort.”
I forget what happened after that. I may have lost it a bit, and I might have railroaded her with my own wheels, and MAYBE I hit her harder than I needed to. But like I said… it’s kind of fuzzy. All I know now is, I’m in a different part of the maze, and there is blood on my outer casing. Probably best not to think about it too hard.
But I can hear some voices coming from somewhere on the other side of the wall to my left, and conveniently , there’s a window cut out so I can watch.
The rainbow pegesus (Earth pony now I guess) is straight up challenging Discord to a fight while he snoozes on a cloud hammock.
“Oh calm down Rainbow Dash.” Discord says calmly in the wake of her aggression, “I’m here to deliver a message. So listen closely, because this is important.” He zips over to her and gives a riddle “A difficult choice is yours to make, a noble sacrifice or a tragic mistake; if the wrong decision you pursue, the foundations of your life will crumble without you.”
On that queue he summons up a miniature storm cloud with rainbow bolts of lightning surrounding them, and from that cloud comes a portal, showing her a city in the sky.
She looks terrified as it begins to collapse just like he said.
“Cloudsdale? Crumble without me… No. NOOOOO!” her mumbles turn into a scream.
Discord snaps his fingers and a box appears before Rainbow Dash.
“That box contains your wings.” He tells her “You can take them and leave to return to Cloudsdale, or continue wandering this maze of mine. The choice is yours.”
Something about that deal seems awfully familiar. I note to myself as Rainbow rips open the box without hesitation, restoring her wings and taking off into the sky, abandoning her friends in the desperate hope that she can save her home.
And like that, dark storm clouds cover the sky, and the maze is swallowed up by the ground. I turn to my right and see that Twilight and the others were only a few paces away from the center when the game was lost.
“Well, it looks like somepony broke the no wings no magic rule. Thus the game is over and you didn’t find your precious elements!” Discord tells them the obvious, gleefully rubbing it in their faces and cackling hysterically.
“Alright Discord, like you said, game’s over. Now send me home.” I wheel up so he can fulfill his end of the bargain “You are going to, right?”
“Hmm…” Discord pets his beard “No.”
“What? What do you mean no?! We had a deal!” I yell.
“Yes, the deal was if you hit each of the mare with-“
“I did hit them! At least as many as I could before you shut the game down early!” I defended.
“Oh look at you being coy,” he says like a cross between an old grandmother and a lawyer “Trying to create a loophole against the lord of chaos. Yes you technically ‘hit’ them, but not like I told you to.”
“That would have killed them. No way I’d do that, you psychopath!”
“Oh, fine. So you ‘hit’ them. I still must say no however. You see Dalek, the truth is, I was never really planning to get you back to wherever that planet you came from is; not sure I even could if I tried. I just needed a slight… diversion if you will.” He shrugged.
“But… the portal. You said-“
“It was a projection of your mind. Honestly, we spent centuries trapped in stone together, of course I could make it all up. I did the same on dear hot-headed Rainbow Dash after mere minutes.”
“YOU LIED TO ME!” I screech.
“Um hello, perhaps we haven’t met before. I’m Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony. Any of this ringing a bell?” he says sarcastically.
“EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! DIE YOU FINGER-CROSSING PRICK!” I yell as I fire my laser, the beam cutting an arc across the ground.
He dodges it, and all my attempts to retrain it onto him until finally it runs out of juice.
“Well aren’t we quick to anger?” he chides me “But no matter, I have better things to attend to. More entertaining things… like CHAOS perhaps. BWA HA HAH!”
And with that, Discord vanishes from existence with a snap of his fingers, no doubt reappearing somewhere else to spread his special brand of demented fun.
I just stand there in pure rage. I've never been this mad before. I always thought of Discord as a annoyance, but at least he was someone I could talk to while I was trapped in stone for the first couple of years. And I trusted him, he promised me a way home. To my friends...to my beer...to my old life....to my sister.
I...feel...something...slipping.
"GrrrrrrAHHHHHHH! I WILL NOT BE MADE A FOOL OF! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN DISCORD! WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU, YOU'LL BE NOTHING BUT DUST! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED! EXTERMINATED! EXTERMINATED! EX-TER-MIN-ATTTTEEEEDDDDD!
As much as I want to keep screaming, I know that if I don't calm down then I won't be able to think clearly. And if I can't think clearly, then Discord could just use that to his advantage. Anger blinds the mind as they say.
Still… I’m mad as hell, and I still wanna burn Discords mocking face off.
As I force my raged fueled scream to end, and the bloodlust I was feeling dissipates as well. I try to think rationally for some way to get back at Discord. I take a few more deep breaths before I think to myself,
Okay Eli now that your calm, let's think up a plan to hunt down that lying prick. Knowing him, he's probably out causing trouble to feed his twisted sense of humor. So just going out and searching for him would take up too much time. I need to think of a quicker way to find him, maybe someway to draw him out...
“Keep your grubby hooves off my diamond!” a shrill voice in the distance cuts through my thoughts, and the sounds of a karate-kick induced struggle follow it.
…anyways… I’ll also need something to beat his face in with; he dodged my laser pretty easily. Maybe some kind of distraction-
“Stop laughing at me!” another, grumpier voice yells.
“Hah. Hah.” A familiar butter pegasus mocks her anyways.
“Will you ponies shut up! I’m plotting my revenge over-wait-a-minute.” I start to yell, but suddenly something comes to mind.
I look back over to the group of ponies Discord messed with. The prissy one and the southern one are fighting over a giant rock for some reason, while the yellow Pegasus, despite the blood flowing from her nose into her mouth, continues provoking the grouchy pink one.
Discord said that these ponies where the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, the same elements that turned me to stone. But more importantly...they turned Discord to stone too!
A lightbulb pops on over my Dalek head as I think,
That's it! That's how I'll get my revenge on him! I'll help these ponies get their Element's back, and then they’ll seal him away again. If Discord plans to throw the world into chaos, then I’m going to rain on his parade. Let’s see how he likes being trapped in stone for ANOTHER thousand years! That’ll teach him to betray me!
I imagine myself grinning evilly (oh how I miss my human face) as I turn my body around and start to head towards the arguing ponies. I only get about halfway there before Twilight takes notice of me.
“You…” Twilight’s voice is filled with hatred, “You did all this just so you could go home? Look at what you did to my friends!” she glares at me, pointing to the ponies as they keep fighting with one another. “Princess Luna was right to call you a monster, Terror!”
I can't help but image a look of confusion as I think,
Isn’t she exaggerating though? Sure I may have given that one pegasus a bloody nose, but it’s hardly the worst I could do. Wait of second, why should I feel bad for these jerks?
Imaging a angry glare at her I say,
“I can hardly feel bad for these jerks; they’re horrible at best! You have the classic bad friend stereotype's for friends!"
I point to each pony as I call out,
"There’s the liar, the killjoy, the rude one, the greedy one, and the one that abandoned you!” I tell her, “Why do you even hang around them?”
“They’re not jerks!” Twilight shouts, but pauses and looks solemnly at the other four bickering ponies behind her. “Or at least they weren’t before today. They used to be the most reliable friends I could have ever asked for. How could you turn them into this? Change them back! Change them back right now or I’ll… I’ll… I don’t know, but I’ll do something bad to you!”
Twilight’s her horn starts to glow a menacing purple.
I respond by aiming my laser gun at her, even though it’s out of juice for now; I hope she doesn’t call my bluff.
There's tense silence as we stare each other, but eventually Twilight relents, "Fine, just stay back Terror, you've done enough damage as it is." She tells me before turning to leave with the others.
I have to try and stop her. She's my only chance of getting back at Discord! Thinking quickly I shout out,
"Wait! I need your help! I...come...in..pe...pea...peace!"
Oh man, that actually hurt! I'm not kidding, it psychically hurt to say that sentence. It felt like my mouth, or whatever I use to talk, was on fire. I really hope that this isn't a sign that I'm becoming more of a Dalek! Please don’t let that be it. I’ve lasted this long without turning, maybe I'm just not used to saying it...I guess. I'll have to worry about it later.
At my request, Twilight just glares harder as she says,
"You want what?! You turned my friends into the biggest jerks on the planet, and yet you want peace!?"
I image a look of confusion as I ask,
"What are you talking about? If what you say is true, and these ponies aren’t normally like this, it must have been Discord’s doing. In fact I saw him do something weird to the Rainbow one before she left!"
It's Twilight's turn to give a confused look as she says,
"Are you sure about that?" she gives me a scrutinizing look as she continues, “Don’t get me wrong, Discord will pay for what he’s done. But you’re still at fault; maybe you’re just trying to pass the blame onto Discord for something you did!"
I growl slightly at the fact that another pony is blaming me for something I didn't do! What is with these ponies and jumping to conclusions!?
"Look lady, you seem like a smart person-er pony. So you have got to realize how stupid you sound right now! Discord played me just like he did to your friends! If I were trying to pull anything sneaky I would have done it by now. Don’t be an idiot!"
Her right eye twitches at my insult, guess I hit a nerve or something. But I ignore it as I continue,
"He wanted me to hit them with my laser, as in zap them. But I physically hit them with my laser nozzle! That was the whole loop-hole thing Discord was talking about. If I had hit them with my actual laser, they would be dead!"
Twilight's eyes widen at this as I keep going,
"I’m not the monster you think I am. I just wanted to go home. And now I want revenge on Discord for lying to me. Please, just help me out here."
Twilight seems to think about this for a second, before she shakes her head and says,
"No, maybe you didn’t do this to my friends, but there's still no way I’d trust you, much less help you after this."
I can feel my skin crawl in frustration with this mare. How am I gonna convince her to help me with anything if she won’t even trust me? I need to find something that will-
Wait a second...
"Lightbulb!" I say in a stroke of brilliance, "I know where the Elements of Harmony are, the whole maze thing was just a distraction, Discord said it himself. He told me where he really hid them, and I’ll even tell you, as long as you let me come with you.”
Twilight's eyes widen at this, but she doesn’t accept right away, no doubt weighing her options and sizing me up.
"How do I know I can trust you? What if it’s another trick to keep us distracted like this dumb maze?" she asks.
I imagine myself smirking, knowing I’ve got her now as I say,
"That's the thing isn't it, you don't know. But it’s either believe what I tell you, or search on your own.”
Hook.
“I had no reason to tell you this, and Discord has practically won already.”
Line.
“So what would you rather risk? Would you rather follow my lead knowing it might be a trap or lead to something, or follow whatever you can scrounge up knowing it will lead to nothing?"
Sinker.
Twilight seems to think this over, before she gives a sigh and reluctantly says,
"Fine! I'll believe you for now. But if I find one reason that you’re lying, then I’m taking you down where you stand!" She then gives a huff before she turns around, wraps her still bickering friends in her magic field, and begins to walk away.
I can't help but think,
And we’ve reeled in the big one ladies and gentlemen! I can't believe that worked. Now I just have to let them get their superweapon back, and revenge will be mine! Watch out Discord...your Extermination is coming.
With that thought, I follow behind the purple pony towards...wherever her tree house is. After I tell her that the Element's are there of course.
My wheels are killing me.
We’ve been walking (rolling in my case) for hours now. Or at least I think it’s been hours, the sky keeps changing from night to day and back again, completely at random.
To make matters worse, the train station back at Canterlot had been transformed into a slow-moving, bubble spewing, candy train.*Insert Charlie and the chocolate factory scene here*. It would probably take days to get to Ponyville if we had climbed aboard. So instead we had to take the roads, and pray that they weren’t made out of soap, or cheese.
Darn it Discord, I know a thousand years is a long time to go without wreaking havoc, but learn where to draw the line!
Just as I think that, a thin blue line is carved across the path in front of me in what appears to be crayon.
I just grumble to myself and trudge onward.
Oh, and let’s not forget the absolute worst part of this long tedious journey…
“Not touching you.” Fluttershy sing-songs in a mocking tone as she holds her hoof out in front of me.
“Twilight, she’s doing it again!” I whine to Twilight.
“Do you want to trade?” she grunts as her slender unicorn body tries to keep Tom, the giant bolder, perched between her and Rarity.
“Can’t you at least use your magic to make them shut up?” I ask.
“Hey, you’re lucky I’m letting you come along at all. And I have yet to see any indication that it was a good idea!” she snaps, clearly under a lot of stress.
I sigh to myself and roll up next to her. “Here…” I say, offering her a chance to tag out. She gladly takes it, and though my wheels grind under the added weight at first, I manage to keep going at a decent pace.
“So…” I try to start a conversation, break the ice and get her to lighten up a bit, “Nice weather we’re having today huh?”
Suddenly a large group of cotton candy clouds swoop down on Twilight and drench her in grape soda.
“Yeah, great.” She deadpans as she shakes herself off and uses magic to wring the sticky liquid from her fur.
“Well then… you have any hobbies you’d like to talk about? Ways you like to pass the time maybe?” I try again.
“Why do you even care? Stop trying to be nice!” she turns around to snap at me, “As soon as we get the Elements back, we’re going to turn you back into stone, and then it’s right back to the Canterlot gardens with you. Capeesh!?”
“But I don’t want to go back there! I wasn’t even supposed to be there in the first place; it was all a mistake!” I argue, “That insufferable Princess Celestia and her intolerance for misunderstandings is the whole reason I was trapped in stone for a thousand years!”
“Don’t you dare talk about the Princess that way!?” Twilight yells at me, making the entire group come to a halt. “Princess Celestia is a kind and caring ruler, she has been as long as I’ve known her! She’s done everything so that her subjects are happy and prosperous! She and Princess Luna were the ones who originally defeated Discord and turned him to stone! How dare you say something like that about her.”
I drop Tom, leaving Rarity to fuss over him, as I get right in Twilight’s face.
“Did she tell you about the first time we met, in the Crystal Empire all those years ago?” I ask, my voice straining to stay level.
“Princess Luna told me that you’re the reason it vanished.” Twilight answered, “She said that if it weren’t for you, it would still be here today, along with a couple thousand innocent ponies. Instead they’re gone forever!”
“Oh, is that right?” I say with a snort, “Did she also tell you about how I was fighting against him before they arrived? Did she ever tell you that I never even knew there was a curse in place that would turn the kingdom to smoke if the King ever died?” I ask, to which Twilight looks taken aback.
“No? I wouldn’t think so. And she definitely wouldn’t tell you about how they blasted me to stone on the spot, never even giving me time to explain myself.” I push the point home.
“Th-that’s not true. That can’t be true; the Princesses wouldn’t do something like that unless you really were evil.” Twilight dismisses my claims.
“Yeah? Or maybe your Princesses aren’t as great as you think they are.” I tell her.
“Celestia certainly has a habit of toying with us, doesn’t she?” Fluttershy remarks.
“I don’t see why she gets all the attention, they’re not funny at all.” Pinkie adds.
“Well shoot, ah think them Princesses er the best ponies in all of Equestria!” Applejack says, clearly lying if her eyes are anything to go by.
“Tom is covered in dirt!” Rarity screams.
“Hey, piss off! No one asked any of you!” I tell them off.
“Don’t talk to my friends like that!” Twilight yells at me in turn.
“I WILL TALK TO ANYPONY ANY WAY I WANT!” I scream in my Dalek voice, causing the ponies to clap their ears in pain “CELESTIA WAS, AND IS A SNEERING IMPERIALIST WENCH! AND YOU’RE FRIENDS ARE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE PONIES!”
“Shut up!” Twilight yells and blasts me into Tom with her magic.
“Get off my precious diamond!” Rarity screams and bucks me sideways.
I land on Applejack who does the same, then Pinkie who shoves me again. The next thing I know I’m being tossed and shoved back and forth between them like a mosh pit, each of them ignoring my pleas for them to stop until finally… “Have a nice trip.” Fluttershy sticks out her hoof, “See you next fall!” she adds as I fall into a section of road made of banana pudding.
“ENOUGH!” I can feel myself starting to lose it as I hover above them all, pointing my laser at each of them in turn. “I’ve had it with all of you! Fluttershy, stop being mean. Pinkie Pie, lighten up. Rarity, that’s a bolder not a diamond. Applejack, stop lying, you suck at it. And Twilight, we’ll continue our discussion on exactly how bad Celestia is later. NOW SHUT UP AND BE QUIET OR I WILL TURN THIS QUEST AROUND!”
I breathe heavily in my suit and wait for anyone foolish enough to challenge my authority.
“Shutting up and being quiet are technically the same thing.” Twilight points out.
And just like that, all self-control is gone.
“RAAAAAAAGGHHH!” I yell at the top of my lungs as I ram into Twilight (well, more like a forceful nudge), causing her to stumble backwards into Tom, and thus the mosh pit begins anew.
“You ruffians just can’t stay away from my Tom, can you?!” Rarity yells as she rolls him away from the action.
But unfortunately, she didn’t look where she was rolling him. A circular spring-loaded bumper was right in her way, and she and Tom were sent flying backwards with a loud *Sproing* the second they made contact with it. (Insert the bumper item from super smash bros. here)
While the rest of us were caught up in our rough-housing, we didn’t even notice until it was too late, and three tons of rock and pony came crashing into us, knocking us all off the side of the mountain path screaming.
Each of us were tumbling head over hooves and wheels, I was unable to stabilize myself enough to fly while at least two of them were hanging onto me for dear life.
It all came to an end when we landed in a tree growing out of the side of the cliff.
“Is everypony okay?” Twilight asked, quickly scanning the tree’s branches.
“Nah Twi, I reckon everypony else fell to their deaths.” Applejack says, even though everypony is clearly present and relatively unharmed.
“Wow Applejack, dark much?” I comment as I poke my head out of the leafs.
Twilight lets out a sigh of both relief and annoyance before taking a look around. “Well at least everyone’s okay. But how are we going to get down from here?”
As if to answer her question, the tree turned into a giant cannon, engulfing us all in its barrel as the fuse lit itself.
“You just had to ask.” Pinkie tells her right before the cannon fires with a loud bang, sending us flying off into the distance.
Several terrifying minutes and a lot of screaming, we finally see the ground come into view.
“Brace yourselves everypony. I don’t think this is going to end well!” Twilight screams as we all spiral towards the-
*Splat!*
Ground made of whipped cream and fluffy mattresses?
Twilight is the first to pull herself out of the pit of whipped-creamy goodness and shake herself off, quickly pulling the rest of friends out with her magic. She gasps at something in the distance. “Hurry everypony, we’re almost there!” she tells her friends before galloping off.
I groan and grumble as I try to pull myself out as well, but when I finally manage to reach solid ground on the edge of the pit and am about to follow the mares, I hear a familiar mocking laughter.
I whip around to find the source and hopefully give him a good blasting, only to find that there’s no trace of him, and his laughter is seemingly coming from everywhere at once, even inside my own head.
“Reveal yourself!” I yell “REVEAL! REAVEAL! I WISH TO EXTERMINATE YOU IN A PAINFUL MANNER!”
Discord appears in a flash, but chooses to jog right past me. “I’m sorry dear boy, but I have more pressing matters to deal with.”
Oh no you don’t. “EXTERMIN… ate?” I try to fire my laser at him, only for it to spit out a shower of sparks and a few gobs of whipped cream.
“Oh my, you really shouldn’t do that in public.” He wags his finger at me, “This is supposed to be family friendly entertainment after all.”
“Grrr, why is half the stuff you conjure up food anyway? I mean now we have cheese roads, candy clouds that make chocolate milk rain, flipping clocks made of pizza; what’s the deal?!” I yell in frustration, really because I can’t think of anything else to say to him as I shake my laser clean.
“Well excuse me for building up an appetite while being, oh I don’t know… trapped in stone?” he says, his cheerfully posh demeanor taking a dark turn. “Now… I need to make sure it never happens EVER again.”
And with that he’s gone.
I can't help but make a robotic gulp as I think,
Man, he seemed pretty serious there. That’s not good. He’s only serious when he’s about to be ‘serious’-ly evil. I need to find those ponies and warn them!
I zig and zag as fast as I can around all the silliness happening in this town; chaos capital of the world is right, I can’t even find any street signs. I wonder if they even existed in this world to begin with (yet another thing I never asked about but probably should have). But that’s not the point! The point is I’m completely lost and I can’t-
Are… are those rabbits? What’s up with their legs; rabbits aren’t supposed to have giraffe legs. Well at least I can see the herd coming so I can get out of the way.
I quickly and easily roll out of the way of their path with plenty of time to spare.
Man it’s good I saw them coming. It would bang me up good if I got run over by them.
Just as I’m about to leave though, I hear something in the distance.
“Mom? Big Bro? Anyone?! Everything’s different!”
I turn around to see a colt in sunglasses stumbling around, he’s on the ground feeling his way forward, right into the path of the giraffe-rabbits!
“Hey get out of the way, they’re coming right for you!” I warn him.
His head springs up and his ears swivel around, but he doesn’t move away. Instead he wanders even more directly into the path of the rampaging herd.
Without thinking I rush over to the colt as fast as I can, barely getting the lead on the rabbit herd. As soon as I arrive I shove him to the side and yell “CHANGE LOCATIONS INFERIOR LIFEFORM, VACATE THE PATH!”
We both hit the dirt and the herd stampedes by with only a few nanoseconds to spare, I hover back up and glare down at the colt.
“What’s the matter with you; are you insane? You were about to die back there.” I yell at him, more because of shock than actual anger towards him, “Are you blind or something?”
He looks up at me, his sunglasses shattered and the frames barely clinging to his face. And suddenly I feel incredibly bad about my choice of words.
“Actually yes, sorry sir. And thanks for saving me.” he says to me in a innocent tone, “Have you seen my family around here, I lost them, and I’ve got no idea what’s going on.”
“Uh, no. I’m afraid I just got into town.” I answer. And I feel kind of bad for the kid, he’s blind and probably has no idea what’s going on with all the chaos going down. I know I can’t just leave him all alone to stumble into even more danger. “Hey kid,” I ask, knowing I’ll regret this somehow, “You should uh… stick with me until we get everything sorted out.”
“Okay.” He says and reaches out trying to grab at something, thumping his hoof on my metal body a few times. “Hey, where are you?”
“You’re slapping me right now.” I tell him, “That’s my body.”
“Oh.” he nods “No wonder your voice sounded all jacked up! You’re kinda weird you know that?”
This from the kid whose life I just saved. I let out a groan, remembering one of the many many reasons I hate kids. “Right, do you know the way to the library by chance?” I ask and pray he can be useful as he is rude.
“Library? Sure I know where it’s at, I just never go there. Books and me don’t really mix. Now if you can find me something nice to listen to…” he starts to ramble as we get moving. “Uh… you wouldn’t happen to know where we are right now would you? I’m still lost.”
I give him a cursory glance and begin looking for landmarks to describe. And while I try to tell him the surroundings, hoping to find something that was supposed to be where it was, I have to restrain myself from making a joke about the blind leading the blind.
After about what felt like an hour or two of pointing out landmarks and having the foal point the way, we finally managed to get to the library. Apparently we we're only a few blocks away from the place the entire time! It took longer than it should have to find the damn place cause of Discord's chaos turning the town into his own personal playground; everything was either changed into some sort of food or was floating in the fricking air, completely out of control! Not to mention how the roads were turned into soap so it made it harder to just to control our wheels and feet.
Thankfully the foal, who's name I learned was Docky Dare, still managed to point me in the right direction even with all the chaos going on. He was being a great help, but his non-stop rambling was starting to get to me. He just won't shut up! Cartoon characters talk less than this kid! I was almost at my breaking point by the time we arrived, but we luckily got to the library before things could go overboard.
I now find myself staring through the smashed in wooden door of the...tree house in front of me, looking inside at the shelves and tables carved into the living wood. I can't help but give a confused look as I look down at Docky, who has been holding onto my side the whole time.
"Uh...are you sure that this is the library?" I ask, thinking that this is the most illogically built library in the history of libraries.
Docky looks up at me (or at least where he thinks my head is) with a nod before saying,
"Of course Mister! I may not come here often, but my foalsitter comes by here so much when she's watching me, that I memorized the path here."
I give him another confused look as I ask,
"Wait. So your babysiter takes you, a blind kid, to the library on a regular biases?"
He nods his head. "Yeah! I don't know why she comes here so often through. I don't think she actually reads anything because I never hear the librarian check out books for her. It's really confusing, but it's nice to walk around every once in a while so I don't complain."
I just stare at him for a few second before I ask,
"She knows your blind...right?"
Docky nods his head at me, looking as if I just asked the stupidest thing ever. I ignore it as I just shake my head before saying,
"Whatever. Anyway kid, I'm gonna go in there and look around for some...things that have been displaced. I want you to hug this wall and to stay there till I get back, got it?"
The blind foal gives me a nervous look as he asks,
"Uh, are you sure it wouldn’t be safer in there? This place is pretty nuts out here.”
I can't help but sigh at this kids logic. He's right, Discord's chaos is getting worse and worse as time goes on. If I leave him out here he might get attacked by a rabbit version of big foot or something. But if Discord did anything to the Elements to prevent them from being taken back, it could be a deathtrap inside. And if it could harm me, it would definitely be enough to kill Docky.
“Okay, stay right behind me at all times, got it? I don’t know what’s in there.” I tell him, and he jumps onto me, latching onto my robotic backside.
“Right… let’s go then.”
I cautiously make my way through the smashed door frame, expecting the worst to happen at any second.
There’s a rattle on the staircase to my left as several books come falling to the floor, and I immediately whip around, fast enough that Docky loses his grip and falls off.
“Who’s there?!” I yell in a panic. “IDENTIFY!”
“I don’t know mister, I’m blind.” Docky answers and stumbles around a bit.
A mare with a suitcase drags herself slowly and dejectedly down the stairs, oblivious or uncaring t the fact that a Dalek has a laser trained on her.
"Oh just great,” she moans, her head sinking even lower to the floor “ Leave me alone already Terror. Even you couldn’t make today any worse, so destroy whatever you want, I don’t care anymore."
“Wait a second… Tw-Twilight?” I stutter. She looks so different from the last time I saw her. "Twilight! You look..."
"Depressed? Defeated? Hopeless?" she offers.
"I was gonna say grey, but I guess that works too. Did you find the Elements?"
Twilight can’t even find it in herself to glare at me as she says,
"Yes we found them! We tried to use them on Discord when he showed up; he literally painted a target on himself for us. But..."
Twilight stops talking as she just stares off into space, tears building up in her eyes. I give her a good couple of seconds before I move my plunger hand thing in a 'go on' motion. Twilight just sighs as she continues,
"But they didn't work. My friends… our friendship was gone, the Elements are useless. Now they’ve all run off to Celestia knows where." Twilight sighs again before she says, "We can't do anything, Discord won. We lost... I lost."
I just can't help but stare sadly at the poor pony in front of me. The look of pure helplessness starts brings back memories that I'd rather forget. Shaking them off I try to comfort her as I say,
"Hey, it's not all bad. I mean you can just find them and, I don't know, rekindle your friendship or something. How many times have you told me they’re still your friends? They're just...out of it at the moment, right?"
Twilight just stares at me for a few moments before she shakes her head and says,
"They’re not just out of it, they’re gone! Those ponies are not my friends, they're the evil twisted ponies who killed them. That's why I'm leaving town. There's nothing left for me here, Discord can have it for all I care."
With that said, Twilight continues to trudge past me towards the door while I just stare at her in shock, before panic begins to set in as I think,
No no no! If she leaves then there's no chance of me getting home! I gotta stop her!
I quickly roll in front of Twilight. Twilight stops in her tracks and stares at me in confusion as I plead,
"Hey wait! Just because you think Discord has won and all that, doesn't mean he really has. I'll take him down, heck I'll let you step on his ashes and turn his head into a paperweight! You’re the only one left who can get me home! Please just say you’ll help me find a way home!"
Twilight just stares at me sadly as she says,
"How could I help you if I couldn't even save the five friends I cared about most? Face it, Discord won. There's no chance of you going home now."
Her words hit me like a iron block. I just freeze up as he words begin to repeat in my mind over and over again like a broken record. Twilight seems to not notice this as she walks past me, but I don't care. For her words have finally stopped repeating as a new word replaced it.
"Wrong..."
Twilight hears this as she stares at me in confusion, but I don't notice as I repeat,
"Wrong...Wrong...Wrong..."
Before I know what even happened my vision is covered in red as I give into my rage. I scream in pure anger before I begin to hover as well as point at the terrified Twilight and scream,
"WRONG! WRONG! YOU ARE WRONG! IF YOU CAN NOT SEE THAT, THEN YOU ARE USELESS TO ME! DISCORD HAS NOT WON! HE WILL NEVER WIN! I WILL NOT ALLOW IT! DISCORD WILL BE DEFEATED WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR HELP! I WILL STOP HIM! I WILL MURDER, KILL, DESTROY, TERMINATE, EXTERMINATE HIM!"
As soon as my shout is finish I begin to fly away while shouting,
"DISCORD! DISCORD! COME OUT TO PLAY-YAY!"
I continue to hover throughout town looking for Discord, shouting every insult that I can think of at that jerkwad. I've knocked over a few market stands, signs, ponies, but I don't care. I'm hunting me a...whatever Discord is, and nothings gonna get in my way when I fry him alive!
Finally, after more than half an hour of far too long, my prey is in sight. I come across Discord in a sort of scene out of Alice in Wonderland, and Discord is dressed as the Mad Hatter, and some poor mutated bunny is his play mate.
I decide to announce my presence as loudly and disruptively as possible.
"DISCORD HAS BEEN LOCATED! HE WILL NOW BE EXTERMINATED!" I screech.
Discord looks over at me nonchalantly as I aim my death laser at him.
He gains a devilish grin as he waves to me. "Ah, Mister Dalek! Won't you join us? It's lovely out here today isn't it? Chaos is in the air!"
I of course respond in the most respectable way possible... by blasting Discord's stupid hat off! I was actually aiming for his head, but I don't care as I shout in anger,
"You lost me my only way back!"
He yawns while pouring a cup of tea that's upside down, but the tea just falls straight up into it.
"Oh dear, are you still on about that?" Discord asks "I only wanted to have some fun. And I could never do that with Princess Celestia's pesky Elements around. So I may have lied to you a bit; that's no reason to be upset."
I growl at him and ram myself into the table, knocking it over. Discord easily floats out of the way, unlike his poor rabbit companion, who gets nearly flattened by it. Discord chuckles at this before he snaps his fingers and suddenly appears in a different costume.
Discord swoops over to me wearing makeup like Heath Ledger's Joker. And he grins just like him before he asks me,
"Why so serious? Do you honestly think they would have helped you anyway, those ponies? You're nothing but a freak to them, just like me. Why can't you just relax and enjoy the chaos?"
I back off from him and aim my laser at him threateningly. "I'm going to make you pay for all of this Discord! We'll see who's a freak when I've beaten you senseless! They'll probably be so grateful to me, they'll help me find a way home just to say thanks."
I then fire at him again, this time hoping to actually hit him. But he nonchalantly sidesteps it and shakes his head as if he were a parent scolding his child. He then smiles at me before telling me in a matter-of-fact tone,
"Oh I doubt that. You know why? Because if you'll remember, it was Princess Celestia and her sister that imprisoned you in the first place. And if they were to help you, it would mean that they were wrong." Discord chuckles to himself and sets fire to the ground around him for dramatic effect.
"You see my dear Dalek, as evil as I am, it's perfectly okay because it's all according to plan. If somepony told you that Discord, the spirit of chaos was going to unleash Tartarus on the world, ponies might be scared, but it's all perfectly reasonable. But if you told somepony… anypony that Princess Celestia made a mistake?!" Discord gasps and swoons a bit, "Well then everypony would lose their minds!"
I growl at him, but a tiny part of me can't help but see the logic behind his words. If I were to tell ponies that I was wrongly imprisoned by the princess, who are they gonna believe. There beloved rulers, or a random killer trash-can. As Discords words sink in, I feel something...clink in my mind. As if something that I was missing was just put back in place. If I could smile, I would, as I say to him,
"Even if they don't believe me, even if they imprison me for another thousands years. There's still one thing that'll make that all better for me."
“Oh?” Discord leans in with a smirk. "And what could that be?”
I then stare directly at him as I shout,
"HAVING THE JOY OF EXTERMINATING YOU BEFORE IT HAPPENS!” I shout “THE MEMORY OF YOUR DEATH WILL FOREVER BE MY COMFORT IN THE CENTURIES OF STONY SOLITUDE AHEAD! PREPARE TO BECOME THE ASHES!"
With my fear inducing speech out of the way, and pure, unadulterated hatred coursing through me, I charge up my death ray ‘till it’s glowing white and rush towards him.
