The bottle put me here

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A special thanks to ATung231 for his awesome proof-reading for this chapter, which is now 20% cooler and more readable!

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Payne-full Realization

By Ezbok58a

Chapter 1: The Bottle put me here

What does one do when the nightmares of your past come back to haunt you? Do you cower in fear, praying it’ll go away? Or do you turn and face them again full bore, and shove them back to the dark hell they crawled from?

I know firsthand that hiding from your nightmares or drowning them in alcohol doesn’t make them go away. The only way to stop them is to face them head-on. I sure as hell never expected to face one of my own nightmares in this bright and cheerful place I’m in now.

But that’s the thing with nightmares: there is no reasoning with them. They do as they please just to piss you off and scare the shit out of you.

Now here I was, in this grand castle hallway that was once pristine and perfect, now shot to pieces, coated with blood, and strewn with the dead bodies of those I killed. The leader, the shadow from my past, lay in front of me gasping for life. At least that’s what I told myself.

My gun was pointing at this broken shadow as I slowly walked across the hallway in a way that’d make Hollywood directors scream for their slow-motion cameras and dramatic music. There was no honor in this, no poetic justice, just what had to be done. And sure enough, there I was, standing over the nightmare, looking it in the eye once again as I cocked the hammer back, ready to finish it off.

I never expected it to come to this, never expected the nightmares to return, and never expected to even end up in this world. But that’s what happens when you think the bottle put you here…

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Several days ago…

My day had been absolute hell, both figuratively and literally. Fabricas Branco was attacked by the Crachá Preto. My employer, Rodrigo Branco, was found executed, and the entire building complex burned to the ground after multiple bombs went off. Add to that his kidnapped wife Fabiana, and I was in a completely wonderful mood. Now there were only two members of the Branco family alive that I knew about: Victor, the local politician, and his younger cokehead brother Marcelo. Oh, almost forgot about his wife, if she was still alive. After the office attack, I lost contact with all of them, even Passos, the guy who talked me into becoming a private bodyguard for this family. I was on my own again, left to my own devices, or rather, vices. Right now, it was a bottle of scotch.

My left arm was feeling better, considering it took a sniper’s bullet back at the failed ransom exchange in the soccer stadium. Then again, it could be the scotch and painkillers. I didn’t have a lot to look forward to. I was either going to find Fabiana and redeem myself or die in the process. And I didn’t even know who the hell was behind all of this shit.

My tolerance for drinking was rather high for a raging alcoholic like myself. By that, I meant I usually threw up before I passed out. Considering the day’s events, I was right on course for a drinking binge. But then something started to feel strange to me. When you drink as much as I do, you tend to know how you feel completely hammered, but what was currently going on wasn’t something I was used to. The room started to blur in the strangest ways. Soon, I didn’t have individual walls around me but rather, one big circular wall. The colors went from the drabness of my apartment to a violent assortment of colors as vast as the rainbow.

Was I drinking a bad bottle of scotch laced with PCP? Was my body finally giving up the ghost for spending the better part of a decade drinking like it was going out of style? Or was it something beyond my control? I didn’t have the presence of mind to answer those questions as the colors assaulted my very being. The rainbow colors soon faded to black as I lost consciousness.

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The events of last night were completely lost to me. I assumed I’d either made it to my bed or unceremoniously slept it off on the floor of my apartment. All I knew was that bizarre experience was over.

Or so I thought…

Like any other day, I was awake but didn’t feel like getting up, a practice that took years to perfect. I was lying there with my eyes closed just hoping I could drift back to sleep, only to have Passos come in and wake me up. Only his voice never came…

“What is that thing?”

“I’ve never seen anything quite like it. Where did it come from?”

“What is it wearing?”

"Well whatever it is, it’s alive..."

"Is this a new creature? Oh I'm so excited! I've never seen a creature like this before! I wonder if it talks!"

"Well, we won't know ‘ til it wakes up."

“I hope it does it soon. Just waiting around is sooo boring!"

Clearly I had company, and judging by the voices they were females…and they spoke English. Two things I shouldn’t have been hearing in my São Paulo apartment. Something was definitely wrong here…

Before I decided to open my eyes and assess my current situation, I decided to pay attention to what else was unusual to me. I wasn’t on my bed, and this definitely wasn’t the floor. I was on something soft, yet firm. The smell coming through my nostrils was unmistakable...grass. I shifted slightly, feeling for my gun in the holster on my chest. Thankfully, it was still there. I didn’t know if I’d have to shoot my way out of this place, but knowing it was there calmed me down. When your life seems to be defined by how many people you kill, having a weapon is reassuring. Whoever was watching me didn’t seem like they had malicious intent, but like so many times before, I was on edge.

“What you thinking, Twi?”

One of the voices asked, presumably one of the others who found me. Going off the voices alone, I had at least three watching me, with the possibility of another three further back, judging from the foot falls and rustling of grass. I might as well greet these newcomers and see if I'm going to regret waking up. I groaned as I started to sit up and open my eyes. Soon, I wished I hadn’t.

I was surrounded, only not by goons with automatic weapons like I was used to waking up to. I was surrounded by six small horses, one of which was actually flying.

The horses all froze as they watched me move, like deer caught in the headlights. It allowed me to further investigate my surroundings before the shock wore off, one of the perks of being a seasoned NYPD detective.

I was definitely outside in a colorful landscape that was definitely not São Paulo. The land was full of flowing green fields, bright colors, and an even brighter sun which painfully reminded me of my prior night’s antics. The horses formed a half circle around me. They were relatively small, maybe four feet tall at the most, and they were all brightly colored.

It seems I drank myself into a cartoon. There were marks on their flanks, a few of them had horns protruding out of their head, the one currently airborne had wings, and another one wore a cowboy hat.

The first order of business was to take my hand and slap myself across the face. This had to be a dream. There’s no possible way I could actually be here right now. It’s just a dream, one I’ll forget once I wake myself up…

*Smack!*

My cheek stung from the strike as I closed my eyes and groaned softly. I opened my eyes again, hoping to see the dreary walls of my apartment again. Instead I saw the same six small horses, only now they looked very shocked.

“Hey! Why did you do that?” one of the horses asked.

Clearly, this had to be a dream. Horses don’t talk.

I pulled my hand back in order to slap myself harder, only to feel my hand forcefully held in place. I turned my head to look at it, and saw my hand bathed in a strange purple aura. Perplexed, I turned and looked back at the horses, noticing the nearest one had the same color glow coming from the horn protruding from her forehead.

“Please don’t do that again…” the purple horse spoke as she released whatever force she placed on my hand. I stared at her for a moment before I looked back at my hand, wondering if that aura which she controlled would reappear.

Noticing my confusion over my new surroundings, that same horse spoke up again. The fact that these creatures understood English was quite something, and that was coming from a jaded New Yorker.

“Do you…understand us?”

I looked at the horse for a good couple of seconds. Its’ eyes were much like reading a human’s eyes. You can see their intent, and this one, while cautious, was being sincere. I might as well humor it.

“Yeah, I understand you.” If only I understood where the hell I was…

The group of them stepped back slightly, cautious as to how to proceed. The purple one looked back at the others for some support. Judging by their faces, they didn’t know what to do either.

“Where the hell am I?” I asked, trying to shake my hangover away. A futile action if there ever was one.

The purple horse’s ears perked up at my question. It looked like it actually beamed, if that was even possible for a horse.

“You are in Equestria, not far from Ponyville to be exact.”

“Equestria? Ponyville?” Jesus Christ, I thought hell would be full of brimstone and fire, tortured souls, and the devil. How wrong I was. Hell was here amidst brightly colored horses and stupidly named towns. I bet they have a horse-like name for every town or city they have…

“Uh partner, you don’t look so good…”

The horse wearing a cowboy hat spoke up. How stereotypical, a southern accent from somebody wearing a cowboy hat. The urge to put my gun in my mouth grew by the second.

“So what exactly are you anyway, a creature from the Everfree Forest?”

This time the flying horse was the one asking the questions, light blue with a rainbow colored mane and tail. If the gay pride groups knew about this, they’d have a field day.

“What? I have no idea what you’re talking about…what the hell is the Free Forest?”

“It’s Everfree Forest, and it’s right behind you.” the rainbow horse said.

I turned around and there it was, a forest, just like the ones in my world. I still had no idea what the hell it was talking about, though. I had just woken up from a drunken blackout to “arrive” in a strange land full of talking horses. I didn't know a goddamn thing about this place, but by now, they should know that I don’t belong here.

Then again, I should answer its’ first question.

“I’m a person.” I answered as I turned back towards them, getting annoyed at everything surrounding me. I never thought I’d wish to be back in the shithole that was my life in Brazil, but “Equestria” and its’ talking horses made me homesick.

“A person? What exactly is a person?” the bright pink one asked.

I wondered what would happen if just pulled out my Beretta and blew my brains out in front of them. I was dangerously close to doing so. Hopefully, they wouldn’t understand what I was doing until it was too late.

Still, whatever good left in me decided to hold off and play along. Clearly this wasn’t a dream, and I was longing for another drink.

“I’m a human being, a person. Do you understand what that is?”

The group looked at me, then at each other quizzically, hoping that one of them knew the answer to my question. Not surprisingly, none of them did.

“This looks like it will require some research on my part…” the purple horse chuckled nervously as she refused to make eye contact with me. Not that I could blame it. I wouldn’t want to make eye contact with something that asked if you knew what it was, and you didn’t know.

“Anyways, do you have a name?” the purple horse asked.

“Max. Max Payne.”

I brought my hand to my face, rubbing my forehead before bringing it down across my beard. I felt marginally better than when I first woke up, but I was still hung over. Telling them my name was either the smartest thing I did, or the dumbest, and I was going to find out which…

“Well, Max Payne…my name is Twilight Sparkle.” she said.

Yep, clearly the dumbest. By the way she spoke, I got the impression I was about to be introduced to the rest of the group, horses with names just as stupid as hers. Not surprisingly, I was right.

“These here are my friends…” the purple horse then motioned with one front leg to the orange horse with the cowboy hat

“Applejack…” I could actually feel my intelligence drop as I looked at the orange horse. God I need a drink.

“Rarity…” She pointed to a white horse with a styled purple mane, which also sported a horn growing out of her forehead.

“Fluttershy…” The yellow and pink horse hunkered down behind the one she called Rarity. I can tell by looking at her that she was absolutely terrified of me. Hell, if any of these horses actually knew what I had done, they’d probably do the same.

“Pinkie Pie…” The pink horse bounced in place. Its’ facial expression I’ve only seen on sky-high cocaine addicts. It looked way too happy and energetic to be here, even by stupid, colorful fantasy world standards.

“And Rainbow Dash…” The light blue horse hovered slightly above them, her front legs crossed like arms, against her chest. Something that really shouldn’t be possible for a horse to do. Then again, this wasn’t the Bronx zoo, but some brightly colored land in who knows where.

“So Max, how exactly did you end up here?” The one called Twilight asked me, her head tilted to the side much like a dog would if it didn’t understand a word you were saying.

“Your guess is as good as mine. Last thing I remember was drinking in my apartment, and then I woke up to hear you talking around me…”

“Oh, did our talking wake you up? I’m so sorry. We’ll be more considerate next time.” the one called Fluttershy said quietly, still hiding behind one of the other horses.

I may have been suffering from a hangover, but it was obvious that yellow horse with pink hair was too kind for its own good. She had a kindness that was genuine, not the one that would stab you in the back when it got the chance. It was actually kind of refreshing, to say the least.

“Don’t worry about it, although I could use a drink.”

“Oh a drink! What kind of drink?” The pink one, no, Pinkie Pie asked as she bounced in place.

“Ideally, Scotch. Although anything with alcohol is welcome.”

The lot of them just looked at each other quizzically. This wasn’t good. Perhaps I was better off blowing my brains out.

“Um, Applejack…I think this one’s all yours.” Rainbow Dash said. I still couldn’t get used to these names or this place. Equestria’s all too cheery and colorful for someone like me. I needed an Italian thug to pop out of a tree with a 1911 to make this world feel like mine, but it wasn’t going to happen.

“Mine? Why is it all mine?”

“Well you do have that secret stash of cider in the cellar…” Rainbow stated.

“How in the hay do you know about that, Rainbow?!” The Southern accented horse was clearly annoyed by what the light blue flying horse said.

“Because I saw it the last time I helped you bring some of your apples down there to make the stuff!”

“That’s for special occasions only!”

“Well what’s more special than a human coming to our world, silly?” That pink one may seem like she’s on crack, but she clearly understands better than she lets on. I kind of admired that…if only she’d stop fucking bouncing.

“Ugh, fine…I’ll go get some of that special cider. But don’t you go spreading word to other ponies that I have it! The last thing I need is for my secret supply to get out to the public’s hooves!”

With that, the country horse walked toward a farmhouse I saw in the distance. There was something she said before she left that bothered me, though…

“Ponies?”

The rest of them turned back to look at me.

“Um, yeah silly! We’re all ponies!” Pinkie bounced in place again as she giggled at my absurd question.

I ran my hands down over my face, realizing that the pain in my head wasn’t just from the hangover, but from being where I was, surrounded by these ponies…

“I really, really need a drink…”

“Well, Applejack is already on her way to get something for you. In the meantime, I think its best we get you inside the Library. It will allow me research what you are and how you got here. It’s a far better place for research than this clearing outside of the Everfree forest.” Twilight stated.

I nodded my head before I slowly got up to my feet. While lying on the ground, I was at eye level with these ponies. Now that I was on my own two feet, I towered over them…well, all except the one called Rainbow Dash, who curiously flew slow circles around me.

“You’re taller than I expected…” Rainbow said as she flew around in front of me.

“And you’re more annoying than I expected, so let’s call it even.”

This earned a few snickers from the ponies on the ground, while Rainbow just narrowed her eyes at me and groaned. Making good with the locals: glad to see that my skills didn’t change no matter where I was.

“All right Max, follow me. The library is just at the edge of town so we should be able to avoid most of the population.”

“Twilight dear, why would we want to avoid the town?” Rarity asked.

“Very good Max, except the hands part.”

“What exactly are hands?” Rainbow asked as she flew in close to me. Apparently this one wasn’t concerned with the concept of personal space.

I held up my right hand to her and wiggled my fingers.

“That’s a hand.”

“Oh, so it’s like a claw…”

“A claw? What the hell is wrong with this place?”

“Hey, nothing’s wrong with Ponyville other than some six foot monstrosity that mysteriously appeared just outside the Everfree Forest…”

“Are you insulting me, you flying gay pride poster?”

“A little…um, what the hay is a gay pride poster?”

“You know what, I’ll tell you later…”

Rainbow’s questions were getting on my nerves. Can’t say I blame her. This was their world, and I was only an unfortunate guest in need of a drink. I wasn’t too surprised when the others started to ask me questions on the journey back to the library.

“So, Max…what is that fashionable ensemble you’re wearing?” Rarity asked.

I could tell by the way she carried herself with her walk and mannerisms that she either was upper class, or trying to be upper class. If it wasn’t for her genuine tone, I would’ve thought of her with the same level of contempt I had for Fabiana and Marcelo. I worked for them, but that didn’t mean I had to like them. Pushing those negative thoughts aside, I answered Rarity’s question.

“It’s called a suit.”

“Hmm, I see. Well, it works very well with your physique.” she said. Seeing this world is all upbeat and positive, I’m guessing that she wasn’t lying to me, which made me feel better.

“Thanks, I guess…” I didn’t have any fashion sense whatsoever. For years, I wore a leather coat with a Paisley print tie. My sense of fashion rated about as well as my bodyguard ability.

“So um, Max…what’s it like where you are from, if you don’t mind?” The quiet Fluttershy asked, gaining a small bit of courage from her friends asking questions first.

“It’s best if you don’t know…”

“Oh, OK then…I’m sorry…”

I could’ve just told them outright about the death and despair I see on a daily basis, most of it caused by yours truly. How would they even react to me, someone who made a living killing bad guys? Or the despair these bad guys put me through…put my family through? Just thinking about it made me long for the bottle, or at least my pills.

I put my hands in my jacket pockets. By some miracle, the cylindrical containers containing my other vice survived the trip. I pulled one container out and put a few of the small pills into my hand. Just as I was about to down the pills, I noticed that they all stopped walking and were watching me.

“Are those pills?” Rainbow asked as she flew in for a closer look, extending her front leg to my open palm before I pulled it away.

“Yes, they’re pills. Could you back off a bit? You, constantly flying close to me, are starting to piss me off.”

Rainbow was taken aback by my slight outburst, as her ears folded flat against her head briefly before what I assumed was her typical pride got the best of her. Apparently, I was pushing my luck with the only creatures that were kind enough to help me out.

“Well, sorry MAX. It’s just that some ponies are a little unsure about this new creature that magically appeared on the edge of one of the most terrifying places in all of Equestria!”

Her outburst actually made me like her more. She played it by heart, like I usually did: no planning and no preparation but rather, just going for it.

“You know what, Rainbow? You’re absolutely right.”

“Oh, so now you…wait, what?”

My statement caught her off guard. Just because I admired her spirit didn’t mean I couldn’t push a few of her buttons as well. It was nice to know I was doing the button pushing for once, rather than others pushing mine.

“Forgive me if I come off with an attitude. It’s not every day I drink myself into a stupor that lands me into another world full of talking ponies. If I did, I’d figured I’d have a warmer welcome at least.”

A little humor couldn’t hurt.

“All right. You get a pass this time.” Rainbow said as she spit onto her hoof and extended it to me.

Apparently, some human customs carry over to this pony land. I was being offered the equivalent of a spit shake. Keen on building bridges, I downed my pills before I spit in my own hand and shook the offered…hoof.

“Ick…I didn’t know you humans engaged in such barbaric practices!” Rarity said with a huff.

“Lady, you don’t know the half of it.”

“Oh, oh! My turn, my turn!” Pinkie literally bounced to my eye level from out of nowhere. If I could, I’d definitely run a tox screen on her.

“Maybe later, Pinkie. Let’s keep moving.” I said.

I continued walking forward while Pinkie faced me. Somehow, she was able to keep her bouncing pace without seeing where she was going. She definitely had skills.

“So, what does a human eat? Do you eat sugary things? Baked things? What do you eat, what do you eat, what do you eat?!?!”

“One question at a time there!” I sighed as I rubbed my forehead. Pinkie was still looking at me expecting an answer.

“Sugary things, yes. Baked things, yes. I also eat things that wouldn’t sit well with the rest of you…”

“Ooh…like what?” Pinkie said with more energy, if that was even possible.

“Well, meat for example.”

They remained silent, but not shocked. I figured in a colorful place like this, a creature like me that eats other creatures would absolutely disgust or terrify them. For once, I was glad to be wrong.

“Oh, is that it?” Twilight asked.

“You’re not really that surprised by that?” I said with my curiosity piqued.

“Not really. We may be ponies, but we do understand that not every creature in this world is an herbivore like us. Some creatures need meat to survive. Just so long as it isn't pony you eat, you’re all right to me.” Twilight said, looking back at me.

"No worries there. You look too colorful for my digestion to handle. Plus I don't think I could eat something I just had a conversation with."

My usual dry humor was making its impression on this land, with the usual misunderstood expressions looking back at me.

"It’s a joke. We don't eat your kind where I come from."

"You could've just told us that instead of making a joke about it." Twilight said, slightly annoyed.

"That was a joke? But it wasn't a funny ha-ha kind of joke...in fact it wasn't funny at all!" Pinkie Pie said as she bounced next to me.

"Could we keep moving? All this stopping to nitpick what he says is so boring!" Rainbow said, continuing to fly lazy circles around us.

Twilight decided to continue leading us towards the library as I spoke to her.

"So what were you saying about this place before you got side tracked by my dry humor?"

That appeared to bring her out of whatever funk she was in. I got the impression that she loved lecturing people, or ponies, rather. I really need a drink if I have to keep on referring to ponies, rather than people.

“Everything in this world works off of an unseen balance. A harmony if you will. While we appear to be bright, colorful, and full of happiness to you, there are still some evil things that even the princesses can't control.” Twilight continued.

“Princesses? You have princesses here?”

“We have a few princesses, but only two actually rule the land.”

“Wouldn’t that make them queens?”

“I suppose, but they never called themselves that. I’ll be sure to ask them in this letter I’ll be sending to Princess Celestia.”

“Wait, so you’re able to send letters to these princesses?”

“Of course. I am Princess Celestia’s personal student.”

Things were getting more confusing for me by the second. I needed that country pony’s alcoholic cider and I needed it now.

“Oh look, here we are!” Twilight said.

All I saw was a very large tree.

“It’s a tree…”

“The tree is the library…” Rainbow said.

“You have a library that’s a tree?”

“I also live there.” Twilight said.

All this new information was making my head hurt worse than usual. I I felt like I was going through alcohol withdrawal.

“So do you really think you can find out how I got here and how you can get me back home just from reading a couple of books?”

Why I didn’t ask this question before we arrived at the library eluded me.

“Well, I’m not sure, but you just got here. Why do you want to head back home so soon?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah, and I didn’t even get a chance to prepare your “Welcome to Ponyville, Max Payne” party!” Pinkie added.

I looked from the group of ponies to the town that they lived in. It looked like something out of the middle ages, only more colorful and cheerful. It was clear to me that I didn’t belong here. Who knows what I’d end up doing to myself of any of these seemingly cheerful residents if I stayed here too long. If I’m not dodging bullets and killing bad guys, then I’m out of my element. It’s made worse by the lack of readily available alcohol, painkillers, and cigarettes.

“Max?”

Twilight’s words broke me from my own thoughts. I turned my attention back to the group of ponies. I could see concern in their eyes. These ponies didn’t want to harm me. They wanted to help me and, Pinkie especially, wanted to make me happy. I wasn’t used to this kind of thing. I wasn’t used to anyone wanting me to be happy in a long time.

“You OK, Max?” Twilight asked again, stepping closer to me.

There must be a reason why I ended up here. While I’m out of my comfort zone here, I knew I didn’t have a lot to look forward to going back to São Paulo. I might as well take the time to figure it out. Maybe by then, everything with the Comando Sombra and the Crachá Preto will have blown over. I decided to give Equestria a chance, and started by answering Twilight’s question.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

I heard a collective sigh of relief from the group. Glad to have made them happy, however long that’ll last.

“Well, come on now. Let’s get this research started. I’m sure the princesses will love to hear about this.”

“OK. Let’s.” I said.

Couple of hours and I’ve already got a fan

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Chapter 2: Couple of hours and I’ve already got a fan

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I waited for the group to enter the library tree first before I followed, cautious of hitting my head on their unusually tall door for a bunch of Ponies…yet it still wasn’t tall enough for a human to enter, unless you ducked.

Inside I got the impression that the Library’s in a land full of Ponies don’t compare to the libraries back home. There were maybe two rooms full of books, and a set of stairs leading up to what looked like a bedroom without a door. There was also a distinct lack of chairs, not surprising considering the residents here were low enough to the ground that they didn’t need chairs.

I casually walked over to the stairs and decided to use them as my chair as I watched Twilight and the others have a little meeting around a table of a bust of a Unicorn. That bust brought more questions to the forefront of my mind, it joined the already staggering number of questions I had about this strange new place I found myself in.

Questions that I found out would end up doubling before the day’s end.

“Spike, Spike?” Twilight called out in the Library.

I wasn’t sure why she was calling out like she was until I heard footsteps at the top of the very staircase I sat on. As I slowly turned around I found another group of questions to be added to my ever growing list. What was standing at the top of the stairs was short, purple & green, and looked like a dinosaur. The coloring reminded me of that god-awful children’s cartoon from a few years ago…the mere image made me want to shoot it on principle alone. Then again doing so probably would wear out my welcome rather quickly, and I still didn’t know where the hell I was.

“Um Twilight, you do know there is a strange creature sitting on the stairs right?”

Then again, shooting it was sounding like a much better option than I initially thought.

“Yes Spike, we are all aware of it. And it’s a Human, called Max…you know if we have any books on unusual creatures in the Library?”

Funny, in my world I’m known as a drunken hired bodyguard with a tendency to screw up and kill people…Here I’m an ‘Unusual Creature’. I can’t say if it’s an improvement or a demotion…

“Um, wouldn’t those be under the mythical section, with the old Pony‘s tale?”

Twilight wandered over to the nearest bookshelf and her horn glowed like it did when she stopped me from smacking myself. Several books on the shelves were enveloped in that same color and flew down towards her. I was fascinated by this display of unknown power that I completely forgot there was a tiny dinosaur coming down the stairs to me.

“So, I’m Spike. Nice to meet you Max…” The Dinosaur spoke as it extended its stubby arm.

I eyed this hand carefully, noting the claws on each end. Suddenly Rainbow’s dismissal of my hand made sense. I cautiously extended my hand to his and finished the shake.

“So what are you exactly, a small dinosaur?”

“Dinosaur, what the hay is a dinosaur? I’m a dragon.”

I was coming to the slow realization that everything in this world is essentially a fairy tale story come to life. Unicorns, Pegasus, and now Dragons…

“A dragon, aren’t you a little small to be a dragon?”

“Spikey-Wikey is adorable baby dragon!” The white Unicorn, Rarity I think she was called, chimed in as she strolled over as the ‘baby’ dragon made his way past me down the stairs.

“Spikey-Wikey, ugh where’s that southern pony with my alcohol?”

As if on cue, the door to the library swung open revealing that very same southern accented pony.

“The name is Applejack, and I’ve got some of that cider right here. Now I ain’t giving all my stock to some new creature, so you’re gonna make do with what I brought ya’…”

On her back, balanced by some unforeseen measure were 4 jugs of my liquid savior. And being this was all like a cartoon they were the stereotypical moonshine jugs with three X’s on the sides. I didn’t know if there was another source of my liquid vice in this land, so I’d actually have to think on how to get drunk…a new challenge for me.

“Well are ya going to sit there and admire them or are you going to take ‘em?”

Applejack asked with a scowl on her face. Obviously she wasn’t too keen on dealing with me, or that she had to give up some of her stock to someone who just randomly showed up in their world. Not that I could blame her.

I leaned forward off the steps and was able to cautiously take all of the jugs off her back and set them down next to the stairs I was still sitting on. I pulled the cork out of one of the jugs and took a swig, not as strong as my usual scotch but it’ll have to do.

“Thank you, Applejack.”

“Don’t mention it, really. If ponies knew I had this stuff Berry Punch would clean me out faster than you would I imagine…”

I raised an eyebrow as the cowboy hat wearing pony walked away toward her friends who were currently looking over an ever growing stack of books. I didn’t completely understand what she meant by that, possibly that this land is a dry land…and even having this alcoholic cider is the equivalent of moonshine in the back woods of the Appalachian Mountains. I however, was interrupted from my thoughts on what the Pony version of police would look like by the close proximity of Rainbow’s flapping wings.

“So Max…” She was trying to sound sincere…at least I think she was. To me it sounded like a teenage girl about to ask an obvious stupid question.

“…You mind explaining why you called me a Gay Pride Poster?”

Looks like I was right…although I had no way to tell ages on these ponies, so I gave myself half credit before I answered her.

“Back where I’m from there are Males and Females”

“Well, duh…” Rainbow interrupted. The corner of my mouth curled up into a slight grin…oh how I was going to enjoy this...

“Anyway, when a man likes another man or when a female likes another female, then they’re known as Gay.”

“So, are you saying I’m gay with my friends?”

Good God it couldn’t really be this easy. I was starting to find it hard to keep from laughing.

“It’s not that kind of like, I’m talking about ‘wanting to get married and go to bed together’ kind of like…”

I watched as Rainbows face went from one of confusion to the realization of what I was saying.

“Oh, OH…”

“So, are you GAY with your friends?” I started to chuckle as Rainbow suddenly panicked over what she previously said.

“WHAT, GAH NO! NO WAY! They’re my friends! I wouldn’t- I mean…I never, we never…”

At this point I gently threw a punch into her front shoulder, much like you would do to a buddy after you gave him a good ribbing.

“Hey, hold your horses…I’m joking.”

A wave of relief passed over her as she suddenly decided to stop hovering and land next to me on the stairs. Noticing this, I decided against what good judgment I had left to continue pushing buttons…

“You did hesitate on answering me there you know…”

“No I didn’t”

“Rainbow, I used to be a cop. I know when someone’s lying to me…”

“I’m not GAY!” She shouted.

Everyone in the room stopped and looked in our direction, Rainbow realized just what she did and started to sweat…and blush. If I was a little girl I’d probably find this whole situation adorable, but as a grown man I was just as uncomfortable as she was. Deciding I’ve pushed one too many buttons I took the initiative.

“So, do you actually have ponies that uphold the law here?”

That seemed to distract the group from all the shocked stares and to go back to the research they were doing. Rainbow breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t actually expect an answer, it was just something to distract them from the mess I apparently got myself into.

“I’m not gay…” She practically growled through clenched teeth at me before she gave me what she thought was an angry look.

“I was joking…you just found out what Gay means; I wasn’t actually calling you gay.”

“But, that still doesn’t explain why you called me a Gay Pride Poster…”

At this point continuing on this conversation would’ve been detrimental to these six helping me, and if I didn’t just mix cider with an unknown alcohol by volume content and my pain killers I wouldn’t have answered.

“These Gay people use the Rainbow colors as their flag. They call it pride, and they use a Rainbow Colored flag…”

Rainbow’s pupils shrank from their usual saucer shape to incredibly tiny…I didn’t think that was actually possible. Then again, what I thought was impossible was slowly getting erased today.

“So…I’m a symbol for gay humans?!?”

“Well, not you specifically just your coloring.”

“Oh that just makes it SOOOO much better…” she snarled.

“We aren’t in my world, so you have nothing to worry about…”

Rainbow’s shoulders shrugged.

“At least they picked something awesome for their symbol…”

“…sure that’s one way to look at it.”

Deciding to end this torturing conversation I decided to move over to the pile of books that hid the others in their attempt at figuring out what I am and if I could even get back home.

“So what’s the good word?”

I asked before I took another swig from the cider jug. Twilight looked up from the pile of discarded books, her ears pinned back against her head, and whatever she found out wasn’t good.

“So it’s that bad?”

“Truthfully, I don’t know…I knew we had books on mythical creatures and old tales, but I can’t find them…and I don’t think the girls are having much luck either.”

I looked across the group of them, seeing nothing but worried faces. It was then that I started reflecting on why I am here…what brought me here? I learned a long time ago that you only have the illusion of having multiple choices in life. The reality is like a forked lightning bolt, it only seems like you have multiple choices when in reality you only have one. And if you didn’t make the choice you did, you’d be someone completely different wondering a different set of ‘what ifs’.

Perhaps it was the recent events in Brazil with the death of my employer at his office and his still missing wife. My own incompetence and intoxication was the cause of this mess, but why would I end up here? It didn’t make any sense. It’s a giant jigsaw puzzle, only with most of the pieces missing. My thoughts were interrupted by the baby dragon’s shouting from across the room.

“Hey Twilight, you know most of those books have been checked out right?” Spike asked.

“What, who would do such a thing?!? I need those books here!”

“Uh Twi, you do realize you live in a Library right?” Applejack asked…

Apparently that little tidbit of information was not part of Twilight’s knowledge as the realization passed over her.

“Um…right, I knew that. So who took the books out?”

“Do you really have to ask?” Spike deadpanned.

“Spike who do you…wait, you mean…Ugh, not her again!”

“Yep, Lyra has them again…”

“I swear there’s something wrong with that pony. Always obsessing over things that don’t exist…” Rarity was saying before she realized I was standing behind her.

“Oh, right. No offense Max…” She said nervously.

“It’ll take a lot more than that to offend me.”

“Oh, alright then…so Twilight what’s the plan?” Rarity continued.

“Well, probably go see Lyra and see if we can get those books back.”

“Sounds simple enough, well what are we waiting for?” Rainbow asked as she did a few flips in the air.

I tilted my head to the right, cracking my neck in the process before I started towards the door.

“Let’s get this over with…” I said as I grabbed the door handle.

As soon as I grabbed it, Twilights glowing magic kept it from opening on me. I turned back towards her.

“Max, you can’t go with us! You’ll cause a riot, pandemonium, chaos!” She pleaded, with me.

“Look, I have no idea how long I’m going to be stuck here, so I might as well make the most of it. And if they decide to get their torches and pitchforks to get me…let’s just say I can handle myself.”

“Yeah Twilight who wants to stay cooped up in the Library all day, he’s going to have to head outside eventually.”

Rainbow said as she flew up to my side, earning an angry glare from Twilight.

“Um…Twilight…I kind of agree with them…” Fluttershy said quietly.

For the most part the timid little Pegasus stayed quiet and away from me, I couldn’t make heads or tails of her…kind and sweet one moment, and then shy and nervous the next.

“But Fluttershy, think about what all the other ponies will think, what will they say?!”

Twilight looked like she was on the verge of a meltdown, over thinking things tends to have a similar effect on most humans too. Perhaps she would benefit from some alcoholic cider as well…

“Besides Twilight, maybe he could find something to do around town?” Spike added.

It seemed as though I got the majority vote in my favor, Twilight eventually lowered her shoulders in defeat.

“Alright, you win. Let’s get this over with…”

The confidence of the group was high; I on the other hand wasn’t so sure of my decision. Right now the only experience I had with talking small animals was these seven creatures here. What the whole town would make of me is a completely different situation. Let alone this resident who took out these books.

Sure I had my Beretta strapped to my chest, but I only had 3 extra magazines for it, and a shootout with a bunch of pastel colored small horses wouldn’t make me the greatest being to ever cross into town. That and the fact I don’t know what to make of this land’s ‘Princesses’ and what they’d do to me if it came down to that.

I took another swig from my Cider jug before I plugged the top and set it aside. Walking around with something I’d been told not to let any ‘pony’ see I figured the slight buzz I had would do for the trip into town. By the time I set the bottle down by the stairs I already had the group of ponies waiting impatiently for me outside.

“You coming with us Spike?” I asked.

The baby dragon shrugged his shoulders at me.

“No thanks, Twilight wants me to send a message to Princess Celestia about your arrival and about getting you back home.”

“Do I have anything to worry about as far as the Princess is concerned?”

“Not really, unless you go on a rampage while you’re out on the town I wouldn’t worry too much about it”

The words offered little encouragement, if they knew how my luck ran a rampage through town seemed about due. Then again outright panic was far more likely…

I waved to Spike as I closed the door behind me, again outside in the incredibly too colorful world these ponies live in. Twilight was already at the front of the pack, ready to lead her friends into the unknown scrutiny a newcomer like myself was about to bring.

Twilight waited till I walked up beside her before she started walking, leading the group of her friends and myself into town. To say I was apprehensive was a gross understatement.

The streets of this town they called ‘Ponyville’ was rather bustling not adding to my uneasiness. Dozens of pastel colored ponies wandered around what I assumed was the main street. For the most part they minded their own business, not paying any attention to the six foot tall strange creature walking with six other ponies. I caught a few that noticed me and stared for a moment before they turned back to what they were doing.

I felt like I was back in New York, where residents don’t even bother to give you the time of day. Only here it’s more colorful, and…happy. Then again there was the few that did audibly gasp when they saw me, but they did nothing more than that.

“I have to say, I’m quite surprised the town isn’t in a massive panic…” Rarity said, looking around at all the other ponies.

“Apparently we underestimated how the residents would react. Then again there have been some crazy things happening in this town so…” Twilight trailed off.

“So who has these books again?”

“Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings…she’s a little infatuated with some pony myths. Constantly saying things like ‘high five’, playing a ridiculous game called ‘rock, paper, and scissors’ and rambling about hands…” Twilight trailed off as she gave me a completely surprised look. She caught what she was doing just a bit after I did, I gave her a smirk.

“Doesn’t seem that farfetched now does it?”

To further amuse myself I held my hand out just at Twilight’s eye-level.

“High-Five!”

I was rewarded by Applejack and Rainbow chuckling while Twilight rolled her eyes before she continued on ahead.

“What, you going to leave me hanging?”

I was suddenly surprised when Pinkie Pie appeared in front of me and met my comedic attempt at messing with Twilight with a hoof right in the palm of my hand. I have no idea how she was able to just appear, but judging by the non-interested looks of her friends it was par for the course. Shaking my head I just continued after the Purple Unicorn.

I must admit the ability to poke fun at someone without the threat of getting shot was rather refreshing. I sure was making at least two of the fellow ponies happy with my antics. Little did I know how happy I’d make a completely unknown to me pony.

“Hey Twilight, I can see Lyra over by Sugar Cube Corner!” Rainbow pointed to a building in the not so distant, distance.

The building itself looked like a giant ginger bread house, I half expected to see Hansel and Gretel being lured in by a green skinned witch.

Outside of the confectionary building my eyes were drawn to one pony in particular…the only one who seemed to notice me.

It was a Unicorn, and going off of the name I heard Twilight say it was a she. Minty green coat, with the same green and white mane & tail. The mark on her side directly corresponded to her name, a trait that I’ve noticed more and more on our walk into town. I could tell by the shocked look on her face that she couldn’t believe what she was seeing, but I also saw the unbridled excitement in those big golden eyes.

I’ve only been in this world a couple of hours and I’ve already got a fan.

Within seconds of noticing me the Mint Unicorn was upon me. Speaking at such a frantic pace I couldn’t understand a word she was saying. A glance at the surrounding group revealed that they couldn’t understand her either. Even the over hyper Pinkie Pie was dumbstruck by how Lyra was acting…

Eventually it took Twilight and her purple field of magical energy to pull her away and procure a paper bag so she could control her hyperventilating.

“Well Max, seems you have a number one fan here. Welcome to the club!” Rainbow said as let out a laugh.

I didn’t pay any attention to her at the moment, Lyra had myself captivated. I can’t say exactly what it was about her, maybe a strange creature in an unknown land having someone else who’s a big fan of what or who you are drew my interest.

I couldn’t say for certain, and I wouldn’t know if I’d actually feel like this when I talked to her. But knowing no matter what I have someone I can rely on gave me some added comfort.

After a few moments the Mint Green Unicorn was able to coherently speak…

“ohmygoshIcan’tbelieveitsahuman!”

Well, almost coherently.

“Lyra, BREATH. He’s not going anywhere…calm down and try that again…” Twilight said calmly.

Another deep breath and Lyra looked like she was composed enough to talk.

“Sorry…it’s just so exiting! I mean a real human here in Equestria! I’m just so exited, and I just can’t hide it!”

The groans I heard around me told me that the ponies also caught the pun, adding another question of ‘how the hell do you know these things?’ to my list of weird and unknown shit to ask these ponies.

“Yes, we can tell. And that’s why we’re here.”

Twilight was doing a very good job of talking the other Unicorn down from her excitement. I’m sure the NYPD would love to have her as a Hostage Negotiator with her ability to act calm, cool and collected under pressure…well except for that one time she was about to lose it. Hey, apparently not even Ponies can be perfect.

“Here, wait…why are you here to see me? I mean I’m honored to meet a human being as I thought that I’d never actually see one. But why are you here to see me?”

“You checked out all the books on Pony Mythology and Legends, and we actually need to look through them to get a better understanding of what a human actually is.”

“Well why can’t you simply just ask him?”

A couple of hairs stuck out of Twilights mane as one of her eyes began to twitch. The question obviously struck a chord with the book smart Unicorn.

“Yeah, why the hay didn’t we just ask him? Why did we need these books anyway?”

Rainbow added as she hovered upside down beside Twilight, if anything her addition made Twilights eye twitch a little more.

“Probably because I’m too focused on how to get drunk and if I could get back home…”

I didn’t think I needed to say what I did, but Twilight looked like she was about to blow a gasket. I know what that looks like in my world and how to appropriately deal with it. Usually two to the head…I don’t think that would work here. And being she was a Unicorn a lot more were endanger from her loosing it than just me.

“Well, he does make a point there. So Lyra, you think you can bring those books back to the library? We do need to go over them after all.”

The southern-like drawl of Applejack, strange but it was actually rather soothing to listen to now. I’m so used to Guido assholes wanting to put a bullet in me that an accent like hers was refreshing. Also, much unlike my time in Brazil I could actually understand what was being said.

“Oh of course! I’d be glad to help! He’ll be there too right? It is a he isn’t it?”

I buried my face in my hand; apparently leaving the cider back at the library wasn’t a good idea after all. It wasn’t their fault; they’ve never seen me or my kind in the flesh before. But all these questions…questions a child would ask…God did I need a drink. And making it last was going to be a problem.

“Yes Lyra, it’s a he…and he will be there. Won’t you Max?”

I chuckled slightly; apparently Twilight was picking up on my growing annoyance.

“Where else am I going to go? Besides, I got my booze there…”

“Booze? What’s booze?” Lyra asked scratching her head.

“It’s something that Berry Punch likes to have, let’s put it that way.” Rarity chimed in.

“Oh, alright…I’ll be at the library in a flash!”

Surprisingly there was a bright flash of gold light and Lyra was simply gone. Yet the only one baffled by the scene was me.

“I hope Lyra perfected the teleportation spell, last time she found herself in an interesting situation.” Twilight chuckled to herself as we slowly turned back towards the Library.

“You mean that time she teleported herself fifteen feet above the lake? Or the time she teleported into the shower with my brother?” Applejack asked.

This bit of news brought the entire group to a standstill.

“Wait, you mean Lyra actually TELEPORTED into the shower of your house while Big Macintosh was showering?!?” Rainbow asked rubbing her head.

I heard a subtle laughter slightly behind me, and when I turned I certainly wasn’t expecting the shy Fluttershy to be the one laughing…judging by the red in hers and Rarity’s faces, the two of them were trying very hard to contain their laughter.

“Yep, she sure as sugar did. Ah, I can still hear them both screaming out of sheer shock and embarrassment now…”

Applejack actually took her hat off as she laughed to herself, as if mourning the passing of a dear friend. Or in this case, some dirt to throw on her brother. Sibling Rivalries, something else this world and mine had in common.

“Well, at least they didn’t have to take a cold shower afterward…”

My attempted joke went over as well I might’ve expected. Doing nothing but bring blank stares.

“I don’t get it? Is humor something you don’t quite grasp where you’re from?”

The cheerful voice of Pinkie Pie. Too bad it didn’t actually cheer me up at that moment.

“Trust me Pinkie; if you’ve seen what I have…you’d have the same sense of humor.”

“Well, you’ll just have to explain it to me tomorrow!”

“Tomorrow, Pinkie you’re not coming back to the library with us?” Twilight asked.

“I would love to spend more time getting to know Max better, but the Cakes have a big order to fill and I promised I’d watch after the twins!”

Pinkie seemed slightly sad, although it was hard to tell. The pink pony didn’t stop hopping since we left the library. I said my goodbye as did the rest of the group before we started walking back to the library, the group staying mostly quiet for the trip. I wasn’t surprised when Applejack and Rarity split from the group, one tending to the farm and the other her boutique…I didn’t even know Ponies here wore clothes, hell I didn’t see anyone wearing clothes. So how the hell does she stay in business?

As we entered the Library, I noticed that the giant mess of books Twilight left behind was now gone, stacked back up on the bookshelves. The place was actually sparkling clean.

I made a beeline for the jug of cider and quickly downed a few mouthfuls of the stuff, relishing the soothing burn and it went down my throat. I quickly determined that in order to survive in this world I would have to find some more alcoholic substances to keep me functioning.

The bright gold flash at the top of the stairs caught my attention, and sure enough Lyra appeared at the top of the stairs…and four feet off the ground.

“Hey Twilight I-WHOAAA!!!”

It was very comical to watch the Unicorn unceremoniously tumble down the stairs and land in a heap at the bottom.

“So you didn’t perfect Teleporting…”

Twilight sighed as she made her way over to Lyra and helped her to her feet…or hooves…

“Do I even want to know where you appeared when you left the town square?”

“Oh, it wasn’t as bad as that time with the lake…”

Lyra nervously laughed it off, I could tell she wanted the conversation dropped, but the wound was already opened and the fresh blood attracted the sharks to come in for the kill.

“How about the time with Big Macintosh and the shower?” Rainbow asked with a slight smirk.

“Oh, heh-heh…you heard about that?”

The Green Unicorn was now rubbing a leg behind her head; I could see the sweat start beading on her forehead.

“Um Rainbow…perhaps…just maybe…”

Fluttershy’s voice was nearly lost under the wing beats of Rainbow Dash who still hovered in the air.

“So, where did you end up this time Lyra?” Twilight deadpanned as she lifted the bags off of Lyra’s back.

“Oh, no where special…just behind…..” Lyra trailed off leaving all of us guessing.

“I’m sorry what did you say?” Twilight asked

“It was just behind the…” Again she trailed off.

“Look where did you teleport behind? It can’t be that embarrassing…”

I stepped in figuring that the one outright fan of my species wouldn’t be as timid or embarrassed as her peers.
Lyra’s mood change was drastic, apparently I thought right. Her body language changed from tension and on edge to one of relaxation. Apparently my alcohol consumption did nothing to damper my cop instincts and ability to read people…well Ponies in this case.

“It was behind the bookcase…I teleported behind the bookcase.”

“Well, not the worst place you’ve teleported to now is it?”

I reached down and ran my hand through her mane much the same you’d do to a dog that curled up at your feet seeking attention. Only here it had a profoundly different effect...She fainted.

Fluttershy rushed up to the fainted unicorn while Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and I looked on completely dumbstruck.

“Well…didn’t see that coming…”

“Smooth move Max…and I was going to ask her about Big Mac in the shower…”

“RAINBOW!”

I shook my head; the last thing I needed to hear was girl gossip from a bunch of ponies. Such an image would make me sick to my stomach.

“Look, you can ask her in all detail about that later when I’m not here…I hear enough of that shit at home I don’t need to associate it with a bunch of pastel colored ponies.”

It took Fluttershy only a few moments to bring the downed Unicorn back from the unintended nap; the yellow Pegasus certainly has some skills when it comes to handling a fainted Unicorn.

“It’s ok Lyra…just try take it easy…”

Even her timid voice was perfect for this kind of thing. I figured I should probably use this time in this world to get to know these ponies around me…at least then I’d feel more comfortable around them then I currently did.

“Oh my…I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to faint…but it’s just so…”

I held my hands up, causing Lyra to stop and just watch me.

“You don’t have to apologize to me; I understand this is completely new to you. Trust me it’s new to me as well. Just take it one piece at a time.”

That was enough to get her to understand, now actually talking to me seem to wear off the sheer joy of seeing something she once though existed only in a book. Now with these 4 here with Spike could they better understand what a human being actually is, according to their mythology anyway. You’re probably wondering why I didn’t just tell them all there is about humans myself. The reason for that was quite simple, I hate explaining things. I’d rather my gun do the explaining for me. I was never a person who told stories or tales, I lived here and now, what happened in the past is just that. Apparently the phrase ‘Those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it’ was a key moment I seemed to have glossed over.

I took my seat back on the stairs as I watched the two Unicorns use their glowing magic to pull the books out of the bags. One book for each of them, this worked out better than expected…I had a feeling I wouldn’t get a chance to rest, but answering the questions that those books would probably bring up. So long as it was simple yes and no answers I was completely fine with that.

--------

As it turned out, I couldn’t actually get away with a simple yes or no answer for their questions. If anything I could count how many single word answers I gave on one hand…at least I would if I wasn’t in my more typical drunken state.

Some of the things put in those books were absolute bullshit…or in this case horseshit. Can humans breath fire, can they fly, can we breathe underwater…there was no simple answer to those questions…they all involved complex answers I wasn’t too keen of giving. But after I finished off the first jug of cider I was inebriated enough to answer them in detail that would satisfy the two bookworm Unicorns.

In fact I went so in detail with my explanations that it was already dark out. I didn’t really pay attention to the time, there was no clock that I could see in the library and I was drunk enough to not care. I was just finishing up my explanation of what a helicopter was when Twilight noticed the time.

“…and it’s got these angled blades up top…rotors I think they’re called. And they spin fast enough to generate lift. And that’s one of the means humans use to fly…other than jets of course…”

“Ok, so you have motorized carriages you call ‘cars’, trains, planes, boats and helicopters? Those sound so AWESOME!!!”

The fact that Rainbow Dash was so enthralled by my explanations of motorized vehicles was understandable, she liked to fly…and with a name like ‘Dash’ I’d assumed she liked to fly fast.

“Oh my, it’s already dark out!”

“Oh my goodness, I have to get back to feed my animals!”

“Well, we should probably call it a day; I’ve got to clear the sky tomorrow after all.”

I raised an eyebrow quizzically. Most of the afternoon was spent getting to know humans, I still didn’t have much of a grasp on how things work here, other than unicorns had magic and Pegasus could fly. Then again it looked like I might be here a little while so I’d have all the time to figure this world out…with my luck I’d know everything there is about this place just as they find a way to send me back home.

“Oh, I could teleport you guys back if you want?”

Lyra asked enthusiastically. The response was practically unanimous.

“NO!!”

Laughing at their outbursts I cautiously got to my feet, an idea already in my mind of what to do…

“Come on, I’ll walk you ladies home…”

Judging by the dumbfounded stares I was getting, I don’t think they expected me to offer that.

“But Max, you don’t know your way around!”

Twilight did have a point, but the town itself didn’t look overly complicated for an armed drunk like me to navigate.

“I’ll be fine, just look for the giant tree that’s also a Library. No problem”

Judging by the looks they were giving me they didn’t really buy it.

“Maybe I should head with them, you know…just in case.”

“That’s a good idea Rainbow, you sure it’s no trouble?”

“No trouble at all Twilight, easy-peasy…”

With Twilight satisfied that I was being chaperoned there and back she walked us up to the front door.

“Max, just please be careful…we don’t need you causing an incident…I don’t even know what Princess Celestia will have to say about this whole thing. So please, please stay out of trouble.”

“You have nothing to worry about. I’ll be back before you know it…”

“Probably have to sleep off your hangover after all…”

Rainbow muttered loud enough for me to hear. She had her back to me, which made my retaliation even easier. I simply put my hand up and flicked the back of her left ear.

“OW! What was that for?”

“I heard that…”

Without much drama we slowly exited the library and started our way through town. Once the sun dipped below the horizon the place transformed into a ghost town. Strange how a simple change in the day can change the whole aura of a town. I’ve seen it before, but it instills a feeling of evil foreboding that keeps you on edge.

“Um…Max?”

The quiet voice of Fluttershy caught my attention. Being I had hardly heard her said a word the entire day I was surprised I still remembered what her voice sounded like.

“Yeah?”

“I…I’m just curious…you told us all about all the great things Humans did…but…well…”

She trailed off again, either too nervous to finish or not sure how to word what she was going to say…

“…well, we still don’t know a lot about you?”

“Well, what exactly did you want to know about me?”

I figured it was a matter of time before this topic was brought up again. Keeping what I do for a living under wraps from this world of bright colors and happy residents can only last so long, like all secrets people start to notice that somethings off the longer it goes on. It was the only smart thing I did up to that point, I could have kept dodging the question and kept the charade going on for as long as I could. But thanks to my renewed drinking the ability to dodge the question was getting harder by the second.

“Well…basically….everything…if that’s alright with you…”

Everything…that was a loaded question if there ever was one, being I didn’t want to do this walk in an awkward silence I decided to just answer the question. It was the least I could do for the shy yellow Pegasus.

“I used to be a police officer, someone who protects people from other people who do bad things…”

The three of them nodded their heads in understanding…It made me wonder about the throw away question I asked Rainbow earlier in the day. Did even had a police force or a ‘police pony force’ in this land?

“…anyways I was married and we just had a kid. Then my wife and child were killed by some drugged out junkies sent by my wife’s employer because my wife was nosing around in what the company was doing…”

The ears flattened out against their heads, I seen it just a few times that day but I could tell that this was a sign that they were rather upset. Granted someone telling you their family was killed is not something you’d listen to without feeling some level of remorse.

“After that, I joined with my friends division and went undercover to find who was responsible for putting the drugs the junkies that killed my family were high on at the time.”

There was a little lie in that. Only because I didn’t want to get sidetracked explaining to them what the DEA was and how it functioned.

“That led to me watching my friend getting killed right in front of me, my cover being blown and then going on a murderous killing spree that ended with the person responsible for killing my family getting crushed by a mast that fell on their helicopter…”

To say the group of ponies was surprised was an understatement. They were shocked. From there they just silently listened as I continued my sad dark tale that was my life. From meeting Mona, to the incidents with Vlad, the culmination of losing my job and eventually my drunken escapades in Hoboken right up to me working protection for Rodrigo Bronco...there I was hoping they could see the pattern of events that seemed to follow me wherever I went. From Fabiana getting kidnapped to the events at Bronco’s office that for me was the day before I got here I told them everything…which judging by their expressions was not a good thing. The three of them stopped walking around this time, allowing me to walk further ahead of them…probably frozen in fear of what I might do to them. I can’t say I blamed them, just finding out this seemingly nice newcomer is actually a stone cold killer with little regard for human life does have a profound effect on someone.

“You…you’ve ended lives?”

Fluttershy was shaking where she stood, Lyra had a blank stare on her face and Rainbow stopped flying and was now standing on the ground. Clearly what I told them had an impact.

“Believe me, it wasn’t a choice I was proud to make…”

“B-but…it sounds like you’ve…killed….killed so many…”

“What can I say…trouble seems to follow me wherever I go…”

It didn’t matter what I did or where I did it, somehow trouble knew my every move and decided to show up when I least expected it. I’d let the cat out of the bag, these three knew what I really was...A killer, a sad pathetic man who had everything he ever loved taken away from him and then went on a bloody rampage to get justice. Justice was such a hollow feeling…sure they bad guys were brought down, but it’d never bring back what you lost.

“So you’ve…you killed, willingly…” Rainbow took a step back.

“I didn’t have a choice. Humans are more complex than you think…we do things that are completely foreign to you. We don’t always choose the path we’re on, sometimes life just seems to say screw you and ruin everything you ever wanted. Not every human is a good person, a lot of them are backstabbing bastards looking to ruin your life the first chance they get. We aren't as happy, cheerful and colorful as you are here. My worlds dark, full of violence, death, anger, depression...That’s why I am the way I am. I’m the result of the shit hitting the fan on several occasions...and trying to pick up the pieces afterward...”

I turned away from them as I continued on my rant, unsure of what exactly I was doing or why I was doing it. Could they have really made this much of a impact on me in just the short time I've been here?

"...This isn't a world for me...I haven't been in a place where everything's so goddamned perfect in my life. I never thought I'd miss the horror show that became my life but for Christ's Sake I'm missing it now..."

Rainbow Dash’s ears came up off her head as did the other two. Apparently what I said was making some sense to them but I could see they were still hesitant. Then, much to my surprise Fluttershy stepped forward from them and came right to my feet, rubbing her head against my leg much the same a dog would.

“You’re not a bad pony, you’ve just been forced to make some bad choices…”

Now it was my turn to be dumbstruck, my little drunken speech was able to take easily the most terrified one of them on to being the one to support me? Either I drank too much or not enough for this to make sense.

“After all that, you’re the one who still supports me? Why?”

“I take care of animals…all animals. I’ve seen some mean creatures come to me who need help…I don’t really understand them, but they know I’m the pony to go to if they need something patched up…”

“So, you’re the unofficial vet of Ponyville? How does that relate to me?”

“…Creatures that have come to me, have had to make some tough decisions, I can tell in their face and how they carry themselves that they had to do something’s that they didn’t want to do, but they have to. I see those same things in you Max.”

It was comforting to here, I didn’t know how much of it I believed or if it even made sense to me…at that moment I really just wanted to have this trip come to an end.

Fluttershy’s actions seemed to be something the other two could agree with as I soon found them right up with her giving me the same puppy dog eyes. It was a tender moment if I ever knew one…and I haven’t known one in quite a while.

Like all tender moments, this one had to come to an end. I still had to escort these girls back to their homes before I eventually returned to the library. The journey took us to Fluttershy’s cottage first, Lyra wanted to stick with me, I could only assume she like the others were touched by my speech and wanted to see it through to the end.

The forest butted right against Fluttershy’s home, that same forest that I showed up on the edge of earlier this morning. Only now the forest looked even more menacing than it did earlier…

I kept watching it, expecting something evil with an urge to kill me comes jumping out of the darkened forest and rip my face off. I was only vaguely aware that the three of them stopped after we crossed the small bridge leading to the front door.

“Well, it looks like we have made it without any incident.” Lyra breathed a sigh of relief.

“Yeah, for once I’m glad nothing happened…” Rainbow added.

The howl of a wolf from the nearby woods froze everyone in place. My attention went from the three ponies back to the forest. Why I took my eyes off the forest I still don’t know, maybe I was distracted by the quaintness that was a cottage made out of a tree near the forest, who knows…

All I did know was my lack of judgment has again put girls in danger, good move Max...at least I'm on par for every other terrible incident in my life…

The three of them turned towards the sound faster than I did, and all three were not looking any better than they did when we heard the howl. My first sign that things had gone from bad for worse…only how worse I didn’t know.

The wood line was much the same as before, except for the three sets of seemingly glowing yellow eyes staring back at us, and the growl that could only belong to a wolf.

“Shit…”

Staring down Death and his wooden fangs

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Chapter 3: Staring down Death and his wooden fangs
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Trouble always seemed to find me, no matter what strange world I seemed to end up in. Here I was stuck in the land colorful small horses, and the group I’m with now faced down three sets of glowing yellow eyes and a growl that could belong to nothing other than a pack of wolves.

At least some things are still the same between our worlds…

“Fluttershy…are those Timberwolves?” Lyra asked.

“Yes…they usually don’t venture out of the forest though…” Fluttershy answered

“Well they’re out of it now, and they’re looking very hungry…” Rainbow added.

The three girls were scared, not that I could blame them. Killer wolves were a new one for me as well; I’m more used to a group of blood thirsty killers coming after me to fill me full of holes than an animal that wants to rip my face off. I watched the tree line carefully as the first set of glowing eyes emerged from the darkness, giving me yet another surprise that I should’ve expected in this cartoonish world.

“Is that thing made of wood?”

“Well…yes…that’s why they’re called a Timberwolves…” Fluttershy answered a little more confidently than before.

“Jesus Christ, does everything in this world’s name have a literal meaning?!?”

Now wasn’t the time for a long-winded bullshit rant about literal meanings as the three living pieces of lumber slowly advanced on us. Saliva or more fittingly tree sap was dripping from their bared teeth as the lead one looked me right in the eyes. All my years spent as a cop and my time as personal security started to kick in, an animal is usually hard to read but this world threw my common beliefs out the window and then crushed them for good measure. The look in this wolves eyes I’ve seen countless times before and its intent was all too familiar.

Without another thought I pulled my gun and held it at my side. I took it as my responsibility to keep the girls safe…an old flaw that’s gotten me into more trouble than I can even remember. I didn’t dare take my eyes off these creatures as I started to form a plan.

“Rainbow, I want you to take everyone back to the tree house…”

“Wait…I might be able to persuade them to leave!” Fluttershy said.

“We don’t have time…we need to move now…”

“No! I can get them to leave us alone!”

The timid Pegasus practically shouted at me, well as loud as a shy Pegasus could shout…her voice was barely above her normal speaking volume. Before I could tell her anything else she started walking towards the Timberwolves, my thumb instinctively went to make sure the safety was off as I watched her.

“Rainbow, I want you and Lyra to get back to the tree house as fast as you can…”

“Whoa, no way am I leaving you and Fluttershy out here with these things!”

“Just do it Rainbow, I can take care of these walking pieces of lumber but I need you two out of danger now!”

“But isn’t Fluttershy good with animals? Perhaps she can talk them out of it?” Lyra asked nervously.

Fluttershy by now was directly in front of the lead wolf, staring down death and his wooden fangs. She might have a talent with animals but I wasn’t about to put my life in her hands, not when I have 15 rounds of 9mm that I trust more.

The creature eyed the yellow Pegasus as if it was sizing up a steak it was about to take a bite of, either Fluttershy wasn’t aware of this or was confident she’d be able to talk them down…either way until the imminent threat of being chewed on by a creature made of wood subsided my gun was staying right in my hand.

“Excuse me mister Timber wolf sir…”

I cocked the hammer back, starting a negotiation with ‘excuse me’ wasn’t a good sign. Although the slightly perplexed look on the lead wolf’s expression gave me some hope that whatever Fluttershy was doing could actually work.

“…I’m sorry to trouble you, but I know you and your friends here aren’t really supposed to be outside of the forest. So if you’d please head back to the forest we’d greatly appreciate it…if that’s ok with you…”

To say I was skeptical was an understatement.

The vibe these creatures were giving me wasn’t good, and Fluttershy’s little speech did nothing to change my opinion that things were going to go downhill real quick. By the nervous expression on the others, I could tell that they shared my skepticism. The seconds ticked by with neither Fluttershy nor the wolves making any movements…Fluttershy might’ve sensed this and decided to do some more persuading of the wolves ‘good nature’.

“Please mister wolf. You don’t really want to be out and away from the safety of the forest. What would the others think?”

I could swear that the back two wolves were sharing a look of consideration…if these things were smart enough to consider things like that. This world’s cartoonish properties were starting to annoy me…things aren’t supposed to work this way. However it looked like my human beliefs didn’t work in the land of colorful talking creatures as I watched the lead wolf turn away from Fluttershy. I couldn’t believe her little speech actually worked.

Then, just like that…it went right back to the shit.

While the wolf was turning and making us all believe it was going to head back into the forest his rear legs went back and essentially punted the poor Pegasus right back at us. It seems I couldn’t escape my usual run of luck which has somehow found me in this world.

Great, just when I think I've avoided trouble it rears its ugly head again.

“FLUTTERSHY!”

Rainbow was able to blurt her name out just seconds before the yellow Pegasus crashed right into her. The impact sent both of them flying back down the road leaving just Lyra and myself to face the very angry wood wolves.

If it’s a fight these things want, it’s a fight they’re going to get…

The lead wolf turned back around growling, I could tell it was going to charge us and I had to get Lyra out of there.

“LYRA GO NOW!”

The lead wolf bolted from his location right at me as I saw Lyra turn and hightail it back the way Fluttershy and Rainbow tumbled off too…I didn’t have much time to react before the wolf was ripping my throat out so I did the only thing I could, I jumped back.

As I did the world went into a slow motion blur, something I noticed happen to me in gun battles…never certain as to how or why but it just happened. I saw the wolf bearing down on me as the little white dot I envisioned where my aim was rested on the creatures chest. I only had a few seconds until I was on my back in the dirt so I had to make these shots count.

I pulled the trigger.

The gun kicked back in my hand as I saw the fireball erupt out of the end of the barrel. I saw the bullet creating the shockwave around it as it sailed right into the creature’s chest, it did little to effect it, as it was still coming. One bullet wasn’t going to cut it. The little white dot moved from its chest to its neck as I fired again, with minimal results as before. I was just about to hit the ground back first when I fired one last time. My perspective changed as I seemed to follow the bullet through its midair flight as it smashed into the creature’s skull, the wood splintered and cracked around the entry wound as the life drained from its eyes. It landed at the base of my feet completely motionless…Dead.

Not a moment too soon either as I landed on my back in the dirt, a move I’ve done hundreds of times in the past. The past always seems to catch up to you one way or another, and who thought I'd end up in a gunfight in a colorful world just like this. Although now was not the time to delve into the irony of it all.

The two other wolves were hesitant to move after watching their leader get dropped but I imagined the chance for food far outweighed their fears of death as they bolted past me in the direction I saw the three girls head. I knew they would be in trouble if these two block heads caught up to them, I already had four dead girls and one kidnapped under my belt and I wasn’t going to add to my tally.

I scrambled to my feet as quickly as a middle aged man in my shape could and started rushing after the two wolves. I almost immediately spotted my first clue that the girls had at least made it out of the area, the two indents in the ground that were after Fluttershy’s sudden flight into Rainbow. I also spotted another set of hoof marks near the indents, Lyra found them. At least they were together, their three heads might be better able to fend off the two wolves rather than waiting for my drunken self to arrive and shoot holes in anything that moved.

Thankfully I wasn’t drunk enough to forget the way we came here, and figured they’d head back the same way. A giant tree house library really seemed to be the best location to hide from creatures made of wood, perhaps they’d think it was a relative of some sorts and leave…

One could only hope they would be that stupid.

I heard some commotion in the distance that had to be them…I kept my gun in my hand as I ran towards the source, hoping that I wasn’t going to run into a grisly scene. As I ran down the street the once dark homes started to come back to life. The ruckus my discharging firearm caused probably waking the residents from their sound slumber.

I was closing the distance, the chances of two separate timber wolf attacks going on in this sleepy little town were slim but weirder things have happened in my life. I cut right down a smaller alley as I neared the source of the noise, in hindsight it wasn’t a good idea but I’m more of a dumb idea kind of guy…and running down an alley in a town I only remember through a drunken haze walking through was one of my better dumb ideas.

Not surprisingly the alleyway dead ended with a small waste high fence that ended up overlooking the tree library that proved my hunch right. At the front door of the library Lyra and Fluttershy were busy knocking furiously hoping to get Twilight’s attention while Rainbow stood her ground between them and the advancing Timberwolves. I admired her bravery and loyalty to her friends, even if it ended up getting her killed.

The wolves were a good ten feet away from Rainbow and they were staggered which gave me a great angle on them, only I was at least twenty yards too far. I had to think of something otherwise I’d be looking at another massacre on my hands.

Then my luck went from bad to worse as the front door of the library opened.

“Girls what is all the commotion-AHHH!!!”

Twilights scream seemed to motivate the wolves even more as they looked at each other. I knew that they were moments away from charging them, if I was going to act it had to be now.

I caught sight of the clothesline currently drying sheets that hung from the corner of one house over to the lamppost that was halfway between it and the library. I wasn’t sure if it was close enough but I didn’t have a choice...I turned back and ran a short distance down the alley before I ran as fast as I could towards the fence. I only had one shot at this so I had to make it count.

I jumped and then used the fence as an added boost, propelling myself further up as I grabbed the sheet with my left hand as I started sliding towards the lamppost as I watched what the wolves were doing, unfortunately I wasn’t paying attention to how quickly I was approaching the lamppost until I crashed into it. I hit with enough force to start toppling it over…

“God-dammit!”

I didn’t have time to think, the commotion was enough to get everyone’s attention so I just had to do what I do best. The fall with the lamppost slowed as it had before when the lead wolf charged me. I drew a bead on the nearest wolf and watched the white dot cross its chest before I pulled the trigger. Unlike the first wolf, I wasn’t going to watch my ammo, I was shooting until they were both dead. I watched in the slow motion fall to the ground as I fired five rounds at the first wolf, impacting it in its body and neck. I then switched to the further wolf and continued firing. The nearest wolf was already out of action as three rounds tore into the remaining wolf. The fourth round I fired I watched the slow rotation of the bullet as it zipped through the air and smashed into the wolf’s skull. It joined his companion in a heap on the ground leaking fluids all over the grass.

Just as I finished firing the lamppost smashed into the ground and sent me rolling up to the four shocked ponies. My gun still gripped in my hand as I fell onto my stomach in front of them, all completely shocked of what I did to the wolves that were chasing them.

“Oh my goodness, Max are you alright?!” I heard Twilight practically scream at me.

I can’t say I blamed her for yelling, but it wasn’t doing my splitting headache any good.

“Yeah, I’m fine…I could use a drink though…”

“What did you do to them?” She continued as she looked at the dead Timberwolves.

I still couldn’t believe the literal names they have here. Timber wolves actually made of timber…what the hell’s next, these princesses of theirs control the sun and moon? Do they control the weather here too? I wasn’t sure how much of this I was going to be able to take…at least sober.

“…you…you did it didn’t you…” I heard Fluttershy ask.

I looked up at her and immediately wished I didn’t. The quiet Pegasus had tears in her eyes, her lower lip quivered as if threatening to burst out into tears. I could see similar looks on Lyra and Rainbow as I slowly got to my feet.

“I didn’t have a choice…”

“Wait, what didn’t you have a choice for? Max what’s going on here?” Twilight asked.

She was still trying to figure out what happened, and judging by the ever growing crowd outside the library so was the rest of the town. My welcome may officially have been worn out unless they can see things from my perspective, then again if they did there would be many more unhappy, drunk, bitter and angry ponies in this town then there was. And I highly doubted there were many in this town as it was.

I could read the looks on all their faces, they wanted answers and I wasn’t in the mood to give it to them. Frankly I had enough for one day in this place, I needed a drink. Without acknowledging the growing crowd of ponies or Twilights curious looks and turned towards the Library, passing Lyra, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash as I did.

“Now you know why I didn't tell you…”

That’s all I told them, not even caring if they wanted to talk to me. I’ve had enough talking. I closed the Library door behind me and grabbed another jug Applejack left for my consumption and started to drink. I sat down on the stairs as I set the jug back on the ground, only then did I realize I still had my gun in my hand. As I went to slide it into the holster on my chest I caught sight of movement at the top of the stairs.

It was Spike, looking at me with the same expression all the ponies outside wore.

“Max, what’s going on?”

“You’ll find out tomorrow Spike…I’m going to bed…”

The dragon looked at me completely unconvinced, he was probably going to go find out seconds after I found somewhere to fall asleep.

“Well, alright then. The one wing of the Library is open, Twilight got some blankets and pillows for you…”

“Right, thanks…”

I sure stepped in the shit this time. I figured if I was going to be hanged in the morning I might as well try to get some sleep. Maybe I’ll get lucky and wake up back in my apartment in Brazil. As I was to find out, luck wasn’t on my side…then again it never was…

-----

“What in the name of my sister happened here?”

Princess Luna’s night was usually pretty uneventful, something that she was glad for most of the time. Nothing bad has ever happened at night for the past two years she’s been back, so for something of this magnitude to happen was not only a change of pace, but completely unexpected.

She heard the small explosions from the throne room, mostly because of her hearing and because the night was so quiet such a noise was easily heard even if she and her sister didn’t have their better than the average pony’s hearing. Now she was standing just outside of Fluttershy’s residence looking down at the lifeless body of a Timber wolf. She arrived in Ponyville moments after her guards did, they were busy getting information and making sure no pony got too close to the bodies. It was something the guards rarely had to do and she knew it. And now they had three dead Timberwolves from a yet unknown source and at least four shaken up ponies, not to mention the questions and concerns the townsfolk had. This ‘quiet night’ was now anything but.

One of her Night Guards approached her, bowing his head as he came to a stop near her.

“Lieutenant Night Wing, what have you found?”

The Lieutenant rose back up before he addressed her.

“Princess, one of the Unicorn guards found these nearby.”

He lifted up his left wing to show her the three brass cylinders. Luna used her magic to grab the cylinders from his wing and moved them up to her face to closer examine them.

“Hmm, brass cylinders…with what look like burn marks inside and…is this engraved on the bottom?”

“We believe so Princess, we also heard word that there are more of these at the second location where the other two bodies are.”

“And these other two bodies are by the Library?”

“Correct, we still have the four witnesses inside the Library…so far it seems like there’s another creature responsible for this.”

“I have heard the murmurs Lieutenant, something about a tall creature that walks on two legs?”

“They say it’s called a ‘Human Being’, and it has a name.”

Luna knew about the human being in Equestria already. She was part of the meeting her sister called when she received both of Twilight Sparkles letters regarding the human’s arrival. And this isn’t exactly the first time a human has come to their land…although only the two princesses and a handful of guards who’ve seen them. Some of the cases of these humans arrival have been mysterious, but this most recent one showing up wasn’t a real surprise to Celestia or herself. But that’s something between them…and maybe this human…

Luna turned the cylinders around to read the bottom of them;

‘9mm Luger’…I’ve seen these before…

She looked back at the dead Timber wolf, noticing the only hole was in the back of its skull. And it was much too large to be an entrance wound going off the size of the casings. That would also go against all the evidence they had as far as hoof and paw prints at the scene were concerned. She had a general idea of what happened here, and at the other site even though she hadn’t even been here on scene very long. Part of an Alicorn's intuition if you will.

“Three of these, yet only one hole…what appears to be an exit wound at that I believe?”

The Lieutenant nodded in agreement.

“May I turn it over?”

Night Wing nodded his head as he stepped back to give the Princess of the Night some room to turn the remains over. Her blue glow covered it as it slowly rotated to show its underside. Sure enough once the underside was exposed the two entry wounds in the torso were visible to them.

“Whatever was used to kill these wolves came from these casings Lieutenant, and I’m betting that these two are still inside.”

“I’ll have the medical staff at the Castle extract them once the bodies are on their way.”

“Very good Lieutenant, although I believe that the human has more of these that we can examine. For now Night Wing, walk me through the scene…”

“Very well Princess…”

Being one of Luna’s Night Guards was more than just fancy reptilian eyes and Bat-like features…Luna required her guards to be overly observant amongst other things. Figuring out a crime scene such as this was something that would allow her to see how well her training protocols were being followed since most of the guard have been trained while she was otherwise preoccupied…on the moon.

“A few hours ago three mares left the Ponyville library in order to head home, this ‘human’ accompanied them.”

“And as to why the human was accompanying them?”

“The fourth mare, Miss Twilight Sparkle said it was to make sure they all got home.”

She nodded her head at Night Wing as she started walking off towards Ponyville. Night Wing was soon by her side, and another of her guards soon appeared at her other side.

Normally she didn’t need her guards to escort her around, but given the events of the night it was understandable that they wanted to protect her against any similar experience.

“They proceeded to this home when the Timberwolves showed up, a scuffle happened that involved one of the mare’s getting kicked into another, and then charging the group.”

“And whatever weapon the human had was able to stop the threat of mauling…”

“Correct Princess, it appears as though it managed to fall down either before or after the initial scuffle. The ground is matted and otherwise disturbed in that area there.”

“Alright, so the human fell and managed to kill one of the Timberwolves and after that they all ran back to the library. Is that correct Lieutenant?”

“Actually no Princess…”

Luna allowed a slight smirk to appear at the corner of her mouth. She’d have to thank her sister on keeping up her training protocols while she was away. The guard, especially her guard was always taught to explain the facts even if what the Princesses said to the contrary of the facts was incorrect. It may seem like insubordination to those outside the guard circle, but it’s how they were trained.

“…The other mare went off after the two that were taken out by the first Timber wolf; we believe this was on the human’s insistence to get them out of harm’s way.”

“A very noble gesture this human exhibited.”

“Quite, anyway it is in this period where the first wolf was taken down. And the remaining two wolves chased after the three mares back to the Library. There they tried to get inside before the wolves got to them when the human again showed up and dispatched the wolves.”

“Very astute Lieutenant…good to see you haven’t lost your touch.”

“I’ll admit it’s been a while Ma’m but it does feel good to have something happen where I can resort to my training. That and no pony was hurt.”

“Always looking for the silver lining aren’t you Lieutenant?”

Luna chuckled as Lt. Night Wing gave Lt. Dark Cloud a cold stare, something his fellow Lieutenant ignored. They were the guard, but that didn’t mean they had to be serious all the time. Something else she’d have to thank her sister for.

That’d have to wait till later as the three of them walked up to the Library. There were a few towns pony’s still milling around, although most left by now. All that remained was another small grouping of guards watching the scene and a few more probably inside with the four mares.

“So Night Wing, if the human arrived here again how exactly did he arrive?”

“Allow me Night Wing; you’ve explained enough for tonight. I got this one.” Lt. Dark Cloud said, earning another glare from Night Wing.

“Night Wing, why don’t you go check on Library, make sure every pony’s comfortable…”

Night Wing sighed.

“As you wish Princess…”

Luna and Dark Cloud watched as Night Wing walked into the library and closed the door behind him.

“Honestly Dark Cloud, must you keep annoying your fellow Lieutenant?”

“Annoying? Princess I’m quite frankly shocked and disgusted you would accuse me of such a thing. Night Wing takes things way too seriously…he needs to lighten up a bit. It’s not all doom and gloom you know?”

Luna raised an eyebrow at her Lieutenant.

“Ok, so tonight is doom and gloom but he’s like this every night…”

“I know Lieutenant, I know…but now isn’t the time to discuss how uptight your fellow Lieutenant is.”

“Right, sorry Princess…”

Luna turned to look away from Dark Cloud, only so she could let her smile show…although she caught sight of a light post that was toppled over.

“Lieutenant, why is that light post on the ground?”

“That, Princess is how I believe our human showed up on the scene.”

“Well, walk me through your theory Cloud.”

“Gladly…There was a clothes line hanging between the lamp post and that house there. I believe the human made a wrong turn which landed him in that alley way looking over the Library. It was just in time to witness the wolves approach the mares so in an act of quick thinking it leapt onto the line and slid it down to the post and took out the wolves there before rolling off the lamp and in front of the mares.”

Luna blinked a few times as she processed that information.

“That sounds like something out of a movie Dark Cloud, are you going to tell me he slowed down time to?”

“Don’t give me that look Princess, the Unicorns on the scene found tear marks on one of the sheets that was hanging from the line, the fence over there is worn from some pony stepping on it and all of those brass casings were found around the lamp post. It may sound farfetched but all the evidence points that way.”

“Well, truth can be stranger than fiction…”

Luna turned back from the fallen lamp post to where the two other Timberwolves lay. She was thinking over what Dark Cloud said, not surprisingly the theory held water. The line of sight was good, and with the way the wolves were laying out there it made sense the human would use his weapon to bring them down where they stood. It also added another part to the theory, one that could be confirmed by talking to the ponies in the Library.

“Ok Lieutenant, let us go interview the ponies involved.”

“Gladly Princess, what of the remains and the clues we’ve found?”

“Have the remains sent back to the castle, have Dr Silver Scalpel take care of the Autopsy on the three. The casings bring back to the main room of the castle, my sister will want to have a look at them.”

“As you wish Princess…”

Lt. Dark Cloud went off to tell the other members of the guard what she just told him. She watched him head off before she walked to the front door of the library and knocked. As soon as she finished the door opened allowing her entrance.
Inside two more of her guards watched over the four mares and one dragon. They were tired and looked scared, but they were safe.

Lt. Night Wing approached her with a displeased look on his face.

“Did Dark Cloud tell you his preposterous theory as to what happened with the light post?”

“He most certainly did Lieutenant and for your information he’s right.”

“I knew he-wait what?”

“His theory of the human using the clothes line and knocking the lamp down makes perfect sense…did you not see it yourself?”

“That wasn’t what he told me! When I get my hooves on him I’m gonna-“

“Now isn’t the time Lieutenant, now how are they doing?”

Luna wasn’t in the mood for Night Wings hard attitude, perhaps Dark Cloud was right about him…but now wasn’t the time to think about that. Night Wing sighed before he continued.

“They’re calm; they were making small talk with Private Updraft over there when I came in. I was just about to give him a scolding about breaking protocol when you came in Princess.”

“Honestly Night Wing, you really need to loosen up. Now let me talk to them, you and Updraft wait outside.”

Night Wing ground his teeth as he frowned he motioned for the Private to follow him as they both stepped out of the library.

“Twilight, how are you and your friends doing?”

“Ok I guess Princess…is what your guards said true?”

“You’ll have to be more specific Twilight. What did my guards tell you? “

Before Twilight could answer Rainbow Dash spoke up.

“It wasn’t his fault, he was just protecting us!”

“It’s true, he wanted us to leave so he could cover us…whatever that means…” The mint green Unicorn said…

Fluttershy remained quiet.

“He?” Luna asked.

“Yes Princess, his name is Max Payne…we don’t know how he got here and we were trying to find out how to send him back
home…” Twilight said.

That name, Luna knew that name…

“Where is this Max Payne now?”

“He went to bed…” Twilight said sadly.

“No need to be sad Twilight Sparkle, I shall talk with this Max Payne in the morning. In fact, I’m going to need you all at the castle tomorrow.”

“What?” The four mares said.

“Yes, all of you, including your other friends Twilight. We have much to discuss.”

“Princess, we aren’t in trouble for looking after Max are we? Oh please don’t banish us!”

The room became deadly silent as Fluttershy, Lyra, and Rainbow Dash stared daggers at Twilight…who only now just realized what she said.

Apparently tonight was also a night for Luna to chuckle at many things, because that’s exactly what she did.

“No Twilight, you’re not in trouble. We need to talk about this Max Payne, and at the castle we could better figure out how to send him home.”

Relief washed over Twilight and the others.

“But wait, we each have so much to do, all of us…” Fluttershy said before she realized everyone was looking at her.

“..But we can go its fine…”

“Not to worry dear Fluttershy, I have an idea.”

“You do?” Twilight asked.

“Just have to run it by my sister, but it should be fine. Now I’ll see you all later, I’m sure you want to get some sleep after this experience.”

The Mares nodded, Spike for his part, was already on his way upstairs to his bed.

“I’ll have a few of my guard’s escort you home, and I’ll send for a carriage to take you all to Canterlot tomorrow. Try to get some sleep girls.”

Luna exited the library and motioned for Night Wing and Dark Cloud.

“I want a guard to escort each of them home just to be safe, I also want two guards here all night.”

“Understood Princess.” Night Wing said.

“We have the remains loaded up and both scenes cleared of any evidence, Silver Scalpel should be ready for an autopsy in the morning.” Dark Cloud added.

“Excellent, tomorrow I want a carriage sent here to pick up the elements, that green Unicorn and the human and take them to Canterlot Castle. My sister and I will be having a word with them there.”

“Not a problem” Dark Cloud said, earning a scowl from Night Wing.

That scowl told Luna what she needed to do, sure her sister would go along with her idea but with Night Wings attitude it wouldn’t hurt to let them know of it now.

“And being that these ponies will be away from their jobs and families, I’m going to have the guards fill in for them in their absence. Starting with you two…”

“WHAT?!?”

Both Lieutenants had shocked expressions on their faces, clearly not expecting that twist.

“It’s only fair, these ponies step away from home time and time again to save Equestria so it is your Royal duty to make sure things don’t get tougher for them once they come back.”

“But Princess I-“

“No buts Lieutenant Night Wing, we’ll discuss this later. For now we need to head back to the castle…”

Night Wing hung his head and sighed, making Dark Cloud grin at his partner’s miserable state.

“Lighten up Wingy, could be fun…”

“Wingy? Dark Cloud when we get back-“

"Enough bickering Lieutenants, you have a job to do.”

“Sorry Princess, you heard her let’s get moving!” Night Wing said.

Luna shook her head, she hoped that this plan of hers would help with lightening up the more ‘serious’ of the guards. Being by the book all the time does wear on a pony. It didn’t take the two Lieutenants long to pass the orders to the other guards as they soon rejoined her.

“Orders relayed Princess” Dark Cloud said.

“Very good, now let us return to the castle.”

“As you wish…” Night Wing said.

Normally when a Princess travels they usually use a carriage with two Pegasus ponies pulling it, however being this was a sudden incident she decided to forgo the carriage, she could get there in the same amount of time by herself. Without missing a beat the three of them took to the air, both Lt’s were on either side of her as they flew high above Ponyville and started towards the castle.

“Princess, can I ask you a question?” Lt. Dark Cloud asked.

“Sure thing Dark Cloud, what’s on your mind?”

“You weren’t really in the library that long to talk to them, is everything alright?”

“Everything is quite alright Lieutenant; I just received some information that was more insightful than I anticipated.”

“What kind of information Princess?”

“All will be revealed in the morning Dark Cloud, just be patient.”

Indeed, she didn’t spend a lot of time with Twilight and her friends finding out their side of the story. However what she did get was all she really needed.

Max Payne…

She knew that name, she’s seen the dreams…this was who was in Equestria. This is who she brought to Equestria. There are things going on all over the kingdom that needed an outsiders touch, the wolves tonight were only the tip of the iceberg. She knew why she brought Max Payne to their world, but her sister did not. This was going to take some convincing on her part, especially since there were three dead creatures to muddy the issue of her having him assist in some of the discoveries they’ve made.

The rest of the flight back to the castle went smoothly, upon touching down she bid her guards farewell and did express to Night Wing the repercussions of strangling a fellow guard…she didn’t actually think he would follow up on his threats but reminding him of how ‘against’ the guards code it was made sure it didn’t happen.

She walked slowly down one of the many hallways to her sisters chambers. Nodding to her sisters own detachment of guards standing right outside her door she brought a hoof up to knock on the door.

“Come in!”

Celestia’s voice was cheerful as usual. Luna carefully made her way inside her sister’s room, seeing her sister laying down on one of her large throw rugs with a stack of parchments and scrolls by her side.

Even at this late hour her sister was still up going over some form of paperwork needed to keep the kingdom running smoothly she surmised.

“Ah Luna, what brings you to my room at such an hour?” Celestia asked.

“Oh we have much to discuss dear sister…”

“…Much to discuss.”

A cheerful and happy depression

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Max Payne and all related materials belonging to it are property of Rockstar Games

My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic belongs to Hasbro, I in no way make any profit from this story. This is a story of my own strange mind that I wish to share with the rest of you.

A special thanks to ATung231 for his awesome proof-reading for this chapter, which is now 20% cooler and more readable!

Payne-full Realization
By Ezbok58a
Chapter 4: A cheerful and happy depression

For this first section, in order to fully get into the mood I do suggest reading it while this: http://youtu.be/WpzfV8OtLHI it is not necessary but I feel it helps capture some more of the traditional Max Payne feel. Enjoy!

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Sleep that night came easy; it always has. But the nightmares? Those varied…

I haven’t had a nightmare like this in about five years. It was almost refreshing to have my mind torturing me with my haunted and broken past. But what I saw was not welcoming me with open arms like you’d welcome home a son or brother who just came back from a long trip. Instead, these images in my mind stood there with weapons, ready to tear me apart. Ah, nightmares…I’ve forgotten how horrifyingly miserable you make me feel.

The twisted and familiar walls of the house Michelle and I used to live in spun into focus, a dream that I constantly wished I could forget. But like all things in my subconscious, I felt the need to torture myself yet again. I took two steps into the twisted memory when the phone on the end table started to ring. I hesitantly answered it.

“Is this the Payne Residence?”

Nicole Horne, the woman responsible for the death of my wife and child…her words still stung me to the core even to this day. So far, this nightmare was playing out as they always did.

“Max! Where are you, Max? MAX!?!”

The new voice coming through the receiver was Fabiana’s: the last words of hers I heard when Passos and I tried to rescue her from the Tiete river stronghold she was held at several days ago. Before I could answer her pleas, the room shifted violently about. The receiver disappeared from my hand and before I knew it, I was in the unfinished lobby of Vlad’s restaurant.

“Payne?! Oh Fuck! Kill him, kill the cop!”

Vinnie Gognitti, another long lost voice. He and his goons soon began rushing me in the slow motion world that was my subconscious. Thankfully, my trusty Beretta was right there with me as the deadly dance started. Bullets were flying, blood was spraying, and bodies were hitting the floor as all the life drained from their being. Then I turned to look at Vinnie…

…only he was dressed in the last thing I ever saw him in: a captain Baseball Bat Boy outfit that Vlad affixed explosives to.

“Payne! You gotta help me!”

His head exploded in a mass of confetti and plastic parts. My world spun around me as I once again found myself in the hallway leading to my child Rose’s room.

“The flesh…the flesh of fallen angels…”

I started running as I heard the baby’s cries, the hallway stretched out in an impossibly long distance as the Valkyr junkies’ words echoed through my head. The hallway twisted and turned as the puffy clouds on the sky blue wallpaper suddenly became stained with blood. One final turn and there I was…

The same grizzly scene I came upon all those years ago, front and center. Rose, my daughter…dead in her overturned crib. I heard Michelle’s cries from the adjacent bedroom. I turned from the ghastly scene and rushed through the door.

There was the last junkie, and Michelle, shot dead on the bed.

“THE FLESH OF FALLEN ANGELS!”

The last words the junkie ever spoke as a bullet from my gun punched a hole in his skull. Before his lifeless body even hit the plush carpeting of our bedroom, I was already by Michelle’s side.

“You’re a real Angel, Max…”

My world twisted around yet again. Now I was standing in between Mona Sax and Valerie Winterson on the edge of a construction site in the pouring rain.

“Back off, Payne!”

Another haunting scene of my past I wished I forgot.

“Wait, don’t do this!”

“She’s here to kill me…”

“No!”

The gunshot rung drowned out the sound of falling rain as I watched Winterson fall to the ground. I slowly turned back to Mona, who wore no expression.

“Come on, Max…”

Suddenly, I was in Alfred Woden’s Mansion watching Mona fall to the ground.

“Max, dearest of all my friends…”

Vlad.

Before I could even do anything, the world faded to black as I heard voices all around me.

“Run, Payne, Run!”

“I just want my wife back…”

“This is Sao Paulo, Brother. It could be anyone…”

“MAX! WHERE ARE YOU, MAX?!”

I grabbed the sides of my head, hoping to drown the voices out, but they just kept assailing me. Joining them in their assault was the growing knocking sound. That wonderful sound finally broke my nightmare and brought me to the waking world…

------

The repetitive knocking brought me out of dream land and back to the bright and colorful hell I thought I’d left behind. Even in the Library wing that those ponies said I could sleep in, it was too damn bright for my liking.

The knocking persisted.

“I’m up…for Christ’s sake…” I finally said, rubbing my face.

The door eventually opened and two unfamiliar ponies walked in. They looked like a ponified version of the Praetorian Guard. There was a white one with wings, and the other one was black with reptilian eyes and bat-like features.

“I told you he was up, Private…”The white one said, looking over to the dark coated one.

“What the hell are you two, and why does that one have those eyes and wings?”

The dark coated one growled at me as it narrowed its reptilian eyes. A mutant horse like that in this world doesn’t really fit in. I kept looking at it until the white one spoke.

“I’m Sergeant Wind Shear of the Royal Guard. This is Private Updraft, also of the Royal Guard. His appearance is because he is part of the ‘Night Guard’, serving under Princess Luna.”

“That still doesn’t explain why he looks like his parents were a pony and a bat. Is that even possible?”

“I’ll have you know, human, that my appearance is what was decreed by Princess Luna for all of her Night Guards…” the Dark pony hybrid answered.

“So she turns you into a Pony Bat. Doesn’t that seem a little cruel to you?”

“Of course not, I look absolutely terrifying! The Princess of the Night would like her guards to have more intimidating features than the regular Royal Guard.”

“But you look like a failed science experiment.”

“I assure you, Mr. Payne, that our appearances are all they are. It’s taken care of by our armor. Private Updraft here doesn’t actually look like a Bat-Pony…nor is his normal color that dark gray. And I do not have blue eyes, a blue mane, or a white coat. A uniformed guard wears the colors he’s been given. Or in our case, enchanted armor.” The Sergeant answered.

I was quite familiar with uniforms. I wore one until I made Detective. I never expected pony uniforms to be eerily similar, yet so different.

“So that explains that, but why are you here?”

I had a feeling they weren’t here for my autograph, but with only two of them, I didn’t think they were here to hang me.

“Well, Mr. Payne, given the events of last night…”

Then again, I could be wrong…

“…the Princesses believe it’s best to get to know you better. The Bearers of the Elements will be accompanying you for this trip and stay at the castle.”

“Wait a second…how the hell do you know my name?”

“Mr. Payne, did you really expect your actions last night to go unnoticed? Who do you think investigated what happened while you were busy sleeping?”

I narrowed my eyes at the Sergeant. He had a point, but I was never one who liked surprises. And having two ponies of the royal guard know me definitely qualifies as a surprise.

“Alright, Sergeant, let’s say you’re right. Just who exactly are these ‘Bearers of the Elements’ you speak of, and what exactly are they bearing?”

A small smirk played across both the Private and Sergeant’s faces, and they shared a knowing glance before the Sergeant decided to clue me in to the inside joke I wasn’t aware of.

“The Bearers of the Elements are the six mares you met when you showed up in Equestria. They bear the Elements of Harmony, six elements that, when put together, are the most powerful weapon in Equestria…”

“Even a foal knows about the Elements of Harmony and their bearers…” the Private chuckled.

“News flash, Private: Does it look like I belong here? Have you ever had to deal with three dead wooden animals before I showed up in this colorful hell you live in?”

My voice had an edge to it, and it was apparently wearing into the Private as I watched his eyes go from confident to worried. No matter what world you’re from, a rookie is still a rookie.

“Yes, Mr. Payne. No need to get upset. We have a carriage outside for your trip. I suggest you pack light.”

The Sergeant chuckled as they left the room. I didn’t like what this trip implied. Randomly being uprooted to meet the leaders of this land after I killed three creatures doesn’t tell me I’ll be getting a medal or parade for my actions. If anything, I expected to be placed in jail and executed before sundown.

At least police humor also crossed the worldly gap…

I suggest you pack light…

All I had were the clothes on my back and the gun on my chest. I’d say I was packed and ready to go. And with that, I headed out the door into the main area of the library. The first thing I noticed was missing was my jugs of alcoholic cider. I reached into my pocket and decided that since I couldn’t use my one vice, the other would have to pick up the slack. I downed a few pills as I walked to the front door and was greeted by the blinding light of the morning sun.

Sure enough, there was a golden carriage waiting outside with two royal guards already hooked into the front harnesses. The front two spots remained open, I’m guessing for the two that paid me a visit earlier. But that wasn’t what drew my attention…

What did were the six ponies and dragon that were staring at me as I exited the library. It was like some terrible creature showed up outside and they all froze in fear. After what happened last night, I could hardly blame them. Fluttershy was doing her best to hide behind her hair instead of looking at me. The only one who did look me in the eyes was Twilight, and what I saw in those eyes was full of what could either be sadness, remorse, or possibly both.

I showed these ponies my true self, a killer with a tool that was capable of ending lives. A tool I still had strapped to my chest. And now I was going to be in a carriage with them heading up to see the rulers of this land. Sure, there was nothing about this world that told me that I’d be executed, but when you’ve been stuck in a backstabbing, murdering, and cold world like my own, you become jaded. You don’t see the good in people anymore. All you see is how they could fuck you over and leave you for dead.

Eventually, the group decided to continue with what they were doing. I was left to my own devices until we were ready to leave, so I decided to wisely lean against the tree and take part in another vice that made the journey with me…smoking.
Thankfully, my cigarettes and lighter survived the ordeal so I was able to indulge myself in my third favorite vice. I took a long drag off of the cigarette as I heard approaching hoof beats to my right. Not wanting to give these ponies another reason to hate me, I quickly expelled the smoke upwards before I turned to the source of the noise.

Right in front of me was that mint green unicorn Lyra, her ears flat against her head and her face full of sadness.

“Hi, Max…”

She absently kicked at the ground as she forced a smile.

“Hey, Lyra…”

An awkward silence hovered over us, neither of us knowing where to take this conversation. It didn’t take long for Lyra to
break the silence.

“I’m…I’m not going with you guys to Canterlot…” she said sadly.

I took another drag on my cigarette before I answered.

“Is it because of what happened last night?”

“No…well, yes…it’s complicated…” She still kicked at the dirt as she talked.

“Believe me, I know…”

I knew all too well this was complicated. I’m a man in a world I don’t belong in and I killed three creatures…it doesn’t get any more complicated than that.

“I appreciate what you did for us Max…I really do. But…”

I waited for the other shoe to drop, or being in this place, it was probably the other hoof to drop. Dammit, I’m here one day and I’m already picking up on how they talk and refer to things…

She kept her eyes low and away from me, not wanting to even look at me as she continued on. There was no way I could blame the sweet little Unicorn for her choice. I’m probably one of the most evil things to come into this world, and not surprisingly I’ve ended up scaring a few of them.

“Sorry…this is harder than I thought…” she chuckled slightly as she finally brought her eyes up to me.

“For what it’s worth, Lyra, I don’t blame you for not going wherever the hell I’m going. This world of yours isn’t used to housing someone like me.”

“Someone like you…I think you’re wrong.”

I raised an eyebrow as I exhaled more of the toxic smoke, flicking the ash off the end of the cigarette. Lyra caught my expression and a small smile appeared on her face.

“It isn’t you. It isn’t even what you did, but it’s the suddenness and how you did it that’s a concern.”

I chuckled. I found what she was telling me hard to believe.

“In case you didn’t notice Max, we’re a very non-violent land…most of the time.”

“What about the rest of that time?” I asked.

I was having a hard time buying her story. Then again, I did see the Royal Guards so they do have some semblance of authority and peacekeeping I could at least marginally relate to. But still, I found it hard to believe these pastel ponies get into fights resulting in injury or death.

“Well, we’ve never had any pony die, if that’s what you’re asking. But we’ve had some from outside attack Canterlot with dark intentions. The bearers of the elements did fight off a large group of them. Changelings, I believe they were…so, yes. As hard as it is for you to believe, it does happen.”

Lyra’s nervousness was all but gone by now. She was almost exactly like she was yesterday when I first met her.
“With the Elements of Harmony going with you to Canterlot to see the Princesses, there’s really no need for me to tag along. I’d be the third wheel, unsure of what to do…”

I laughed.

“Technically you’d be the 8th wheel but I get your point.”

She rolled her eyes as she tried to not laugh. It was cute really. Apparently, two days in this colorful land was actually warming my heart out of the cold cynicism it was stuck in for the past eight or so years.

“I’ve also got things to do around town, things I can’t just abandon. I’m not sure how those six manage, being called away so many times.”

“I’m sure they’ve got a system worked out.”

By now, my cigarette was almost down to the filter. I took one last drag on it before I snuffed it out on the tree trunk. I figured all that had to be said between us had been said, and I was never a fan of continuing an awkward conversation.

“Well, Lyra, I guess this is goodbye for now…”

“Yeah, you take care of yourself, Max. And try to stay out of trouble.” Lyra said with a smile.

When did I ever need to stay out of trouble? Trouble always found me. I ran my hand through her mane, giving her a pat on the head before she turned and left. I smirked as she walked away, catching the attention of one of the ‘Private’s’ who was going to be pulling this carriage up to Canterlot.

“Um, Max darling…”

I turned my attention away from Lyra and over to my left. Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie were standing there looking at me curiously. I had the feeling that I was going to be questioned about last night quite a few times.

“Yeah?”

“Now, is it true about what ya’ did last night to save our friends?” Applejack asked.

“It’s true.”

There was a silence in the air as Applejack eyed me cautiously before she finally spoke again.

“Well, I’m convinced.”

“Really, just like that?” Rarity asked her.

“Well, I am the element of honesty…”

“I thought that just means you’re honest, not that you can tell if others are being honest?” Pinkie asked, rubbing a hoof on the back of her neck.

“And quite honestly, you’re a terrible liar anyway.” Rarity added.

I chuckled slightly at the sight of them bickering. Even I couldn’t be convinced, as fast as Applejack was, and I was a cop for several years. I decided to interrupt them once it looked like it was going to get heated.

“Look, we were attacked by a bunch of wooden wolves who wanted to eat us for dinner. One of them lunged at us after kicking Fluttershy, so I put it down. The others took off and I pursued them. I caught up to them by the library where they were cornered. I did what I felt I had to do…”

“Okie Dokie Lokie! That’s good enough for me!” Pinkie exclaimed as she started back towards the carriage.

“Uh, well…if Pinkie is convinced, then so am I.” Rarity said.

“I do apologize for this questioning, Max. I’m sure we’re not the only ones who will be asking about last night.” Rarity added with a smile.

“Don’t worry about it. At this point I’m used to it.”

“See, I told ya he was tellin’ the truth.” Applejack said happily.

Applejack hung around a little longer, caught up in her gloating so much, she didn’t realize Rarity left already. I had to ask her about my missing booze.

“Hey, Applejack, you have any idea where those containers you brought over yesterday went?”

She turned back to me, bringing a front hoof up to her chin as if she had to think about what I asked her.

“Oh that? They loaded it onto the carriage already…uh, why?”

“No reason. Just asking.”

She looked at me skeptically before she shook her head and trotted towards the carriage.

“Sure. Not like you might’ve been thirsty at all.” she looked back at me with a smirk, proud of herself for figuring out why I was asking.

I rolled my eyes. There was too much cuteness in this goddamn world. I haven’t felt this out of place since I arrived in Brazil. At this point, it looked like they had everything loaded up and was waiting for me to join them, at least from the look the Sergeant was giving me. Hell, I wonder what the ranking system is like for the Royal Guard. With ranks like Private and Sergeant , it sounded more like a military ranking than a police force, but as I’ve found out, nothing in this world makes a whole lot of sense to someone who doesn’t actually belong here.

As I started walking towards the carriage, I saw Spike walking to me from Twilight. He slowed his walk down until he was standing right in front of me. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t figure out how to word it. Eventually, some words escaped his mouth.

“Um…hey Max, nice weather we’re having, right?”

I humored him by taking the bait.

“Yeah, really nice and bright outside.”

The uneasy silence settled on Spike as he nervously looked about, trying to figure out where to go next.

“Aren’t you going with us, Spike?”

“Nah, I usually don’t go with them on trips like this. Besides, someone needs to look after the library while Twilight is gone, and between you and me, I like to sleep in when she isn’t around.”

“Sounds nice. I noticed everyone seems a little jumpy around me today.”

“Oh, you noticed that?”

“I can’t say I blame them…”

Another silence settled between the two of us before Spike broke the built-up tension.

“Look, Max. For what it’s worth, I don’t blame you for doing what you did. But I don’t think many here agree with your methods.”

“Yeah…I can tell.”

“I’m sure the princesses understand. Hey, maybe they even know how to send you back.”

For someone who’s supposed to be a baby, Spike seemed to be a very wise dragon. He knew exactly what to say to alleviate my building anxiety.

“You know, you sure know a lot for your age.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment…I think.”

I chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s a compliment, Spike. You take care of yourself, then.”

“I will. You do the same, Max.”

With a wave, Spike headed back into the library. I figured now that I’ve delayed the inevitable for as long as I could, I finally made my way to the others by the carriage. Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash all looked at me with worry in their eyes.

“Hey, Max. We’re all ready, just waiting on you.” Rainbow said as she rubbed the back of her neck nervously.

Fluttershy hid behind her mane, refusing to look at me and Twilight was busy looking at everything but me. I sighed. I was going to be doing a lot of explaining today.

“Look, I’m sorry you all saw what I did last night. Where I’m from, that’s what you do to protect people from imminent danger like that.”

“Max, we know.” Twilight said, her voice barely above a whisper.

I stared at her for a moment. Before, she could barely look me in the eye. Now she was looking right at me, as if trying to peer into my soul. I didn’t know what she was looking for, or if she’d find it. At this point, I don’t even know if my soul is something people should look at.

“You know?” I was skeptical that she actually knew that any of them actually knew…

“Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy told me what you told them before you reached Fluttershy’s house, and while we don’t have many instances of…what you did, I can understand why you acted like you did. Honestly, you saved their lives.”

By now, the rest of the group was gathered around Twilight, all with their ears flat against their heads and their eyes shimmering in the light of the day. I didn’t really know what that meant, but they definitely didn’t look happy. I could read it in each of their faces: sad for the loss of the wooden wolves, sad for me, sad for what happened. This wasn’t what I was expecting.

Who the hell was I fooling, anyway? I didn’t know what to expect from this world anymore, and I’ve only been here a total of one damn day. What the hell would happen in a week? All I knew is that it was a cheerful and happy depression I’ve put not only myself in, but also these six ponies. Par for the course, I told myself. Bringing creatures that didn’t know death and violence on my level to my world. Their innocence is forever ruined by my actions. Goddamn this place and its cuteness. I need a fucking drink.

“So, I’m finally going to meet your Princesses?”

That seemed to snap most of them out of the funk they were in. Especially Twilight, who perked up.

“Uh yes, she summoned for you last night after…well, you know. Anyway, they wanted to meet you first thing today!”
She was excited. Even a blind man could tell by the way her voice raised that she was looking forward to this.

“You know it’s almost noon, right Twi’?” Applejack asked.

“Well, would you want to wake him up after what happened last night?” Rainbow Dash whispered to Applejack, only not as quietly as she thought.

“You know I can hear you, right?”

Rainbow froze, her face becoming red as she realized I caught her. A sheepish smile crossed her face while Applejack chuckled at her friend’s predicament.

“So, I take it we’re going to be flown there?” I asked as I eyed the carriage with the four Royal Guards hooked into the harnesses.

“That’s affirmative. The Princesses trusted us to take you lot to the Castle. You got the stomach for flight, human?” Sergeant Wind Shear asked with a grin.

I was tempted to ask him if he ever zip-lined while holding onto someone while shooting several of his buddies on the other side of the Panama Canal, but doing so would just result in confused stares and not conveying what I actually wanted to say correctly. So I kept my mouth shut as I climbed into the carriage.

“Don’t do anything stupid, Sergeant. I’m pretty sure I can take out a flying horse if it came to it.” I said as I stared at the Sergeant.

His gaze mirrored mine before he nodded. Different worlds, different species, and yet, still the same way of showing respect. I could probably write a book about this and make a fortune, but it’d probably end up in the science-fiction section, so I won’t. Behind me, the rest of the ponies piled into the carriage, getting the Sergeant’s attention.

“Are we all set back there?”

They group nodded their heads in agreement. It was then I suddenly realized the lack of seat belts inside the carriage. It looked like I’d just have to hold onto the carriage itself.

“Ok, men, let’s get a move on!”

The other pegasi guards started flapping their wings with the Sergeant and after a short taxi on the ground, we were airborne and banking towards the city of Canterlot. I could see the city in the distance; it was perched on a mountainside, almost as if it was glued on the mountainside itself. The flight was quiet, as if the group of friends didn’t want to talk and remained quiet until we arrived at the castle. I used the time to look outside the window and get a view of the land I somehow ended up in. Colorful was putting it mildly, as my experiences yesterday proved. What I didn’t expect was the sheer vastness of this place.

It was massive. It had to be if it was ruled by two Princesses. I was used to a different kind of colorful, the kind where there were drugs, hookers, and gangs out there to kill you if you so much as looked at them funny. I wasn’t used to actually colorful…colors, I’d guess.

I wondered about the creatures they have here. Mythical creatures from old Greek stories are probably the norm here, the likes of Cerberus and Hydras to equal out the cheerful and happy Ponies. I’m sure that where I was currently heading would have all the answers I didn’t know I wanted. I spent the rest of the flight looking over at the landscape that was Equestria, taking in all the rolling hills, soaring mountains, and the ever-growing city of Canterlot.

The place was something out of a fairy tale, meaning it fit in with the rest of the world. The towers of the castle were nearly as tall as the mountain it was attached to. Its stark white stone façade stood out against the gray mountainside. It looked like a city full of the high society people I hated. They’re always walking around with their noses up in the air, ignoring the “commoners,” as they called them, as they went to eat their fancy and overpriced food or sitting by the fire in their overpriced houses. I worked for those people and the only redeeming feature was the free supply of scotch I got. Here, I didn’t think I’d be as fortunate.

The carriage banked right as the pegasi guards headed towards the castle that dominated the city. We were on final approach to the castle, judging by how excited the rest of the passengers became. I looked down at the courtyard of the castle and spotted three figures that were awaiting our arrival. I had a hunch that at least two of the figures down there were the Princesses themselves, and if that was true, they clearly had a height advantage over the rest of their subjects.

Within moments, the Pegasi had us mere feet from the welcoming party while they pulled a move similar to something Passos would pull in his helicopter before they settled down on the walkway with the entrance to the castle on my right. Either this was standard landing procedure or the Sergeant wanted to show off for me.

“Is our human cargo back there any worse for wear, private?” Wind Shear asked the dark coated Private next to him.

“Smoothest flight I’ve had in days, Sergeant…” I said as I leaned forward towards the four Pegasi

“See that, men? You performed admirably.”

The grin on the Sergeant’s face did nothing to change the rest of the flight crew’s faces. Who would’ve thought that in this peaceful land, they would have a strict military, or whatever the hell these guards were, standards like those back home. By now, the six ponies disembarked the carriage and headed to meet our welcoming party. My assumptions were right. If these two weren’t royalty, I don’t know what is. They were definitely taller than the average citizen, easily dwarfing the pony in between them. The one to my left was white colored with wings and a horn, while the one on the right was dark blue. I heard them call them some special name, but for the moment, it escaped me.

They were busy with their introductions, so me being the gentlemen that I am, I took my time exiting the carriage to meet the rulers of this fair land.

“Twilight Sparkle, it’s good to see you and your friends here.”

“Glad we could make it, Princess. Although I wish it was under better circumstances.”

“I know, Twilight; sometimes these things can’t be helped. Although I know someone here who might be able to cheer you up…”

The white one looked to the pony in the center. I got a good look at this one now. Its’ armor was a different color than the Pegasus guards, and assuming it was a he, he had a horn.

“Twily!”

“Twily?” I asked as I came upon the group.

Applejack put a hoof up to her face as she whispered to me.

“He’s Twilight’s B.B.B.F.F.”

I raised an eyebrow. Apparently, teenage acronyms were also normal amongst the pony folk. Rainbow Dash then came up beside me, seeing my blank stare.

“Big brother best friend forever…” Rainbow Dash added.

“What, are you all teenagers?”

“Well, actually-“

“And this must be the human my sister’s told me so much about…”

I looked up at the regal white creature that was standing before me, a slight grin across her face that was mirrored by the darker blue one. I didn’t pay attention to how tall these two actually were compared to the others. Must be the lack of alcohol in my system as I’m normally keen to spot these kinds of things. Turns out the white one was as tall as a normal horse, just having to dip her head slightly to look me in the eyes.

“Oh, forgive me. I don’t believe I’ve introduced myself. My name is Princess Celestia.”

She held her front leg out. It didn’t take a genius to see that she was going for a hand or arm shake with me. Not one to make lousy first impressions, I gently grabbed her leg and gave it a slight shake.

“Max. Max Payne.”

As I let go, something she said before came to the forefront of my attention.

“Wait, your sister? How does your sister know about me?”

Her smile never left her face as she motioned over to the darker blue one.

“My sister Luna was the one to arrive in Ponyville after the incident last night.”

The dark blue one, Luna, bowed her head before she spoke.

“Indeed, Mr. Payne, we have much to discuss.”

“About what happened last night with the wolves?”

“…much to discuss…”

I didn’t like what she was insinuating, ‘much to discuss?’ What the hell is she up to? Why does it involve me? The rabbit hole was getting deeper, and I was just along for the ride until I smashed face first into the bottom. I didn’t know what fresh hell waited for me down there.

“We’ll deal with that later, of course. This here is the Captain of the Royal Guard, Shining Armor.”

The unicorn with the purple and gold armor between the two royal sisters nodded his head as he extended a leg for me to shake. The fact that they knew about handshakes (or hoof shakes) and humans in general reminded me that perhaps that is what Luna wanted to discuss. I still was on edge by her tone, though.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Max. Is it ok if I call you Max?” Shining Armor asked.

“Doesn’t bother me one bit.”

“Wonderful! Now that all the introductions are over, let us retreat to the castle so we can get to know each other better.” Celestia said.

“Doesn’t that sound good, Mr. Payne?” Luna asked.

Again, her tone of voice set alarms off in my head. Something was in store for me, and I was certain that I wasn’t going to like it.

“So long as you have something to drink, it’ll be fine.”

I stared at her for a moment longer, trying to read what her intentions for me were. She’s definitely done this before, but I could read a brick wall easier than reading her. Well, nothing I could do but go along for the ride.

“Great, although before we go, I do have something to ask.” Shining Armor said.

Already, I could tell this wasn’t going to be good.

“Mr. Payne, I’m going to have to ask for your weapon, please.”

I was right; this wasn’t going to be good at all.

Something rotten was in the air

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Max Payne and all related materials belonging to it are property of Rockstar Games
My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic belongs to Hasbro, I in no way make any profit from this story. This is a story of my own strange mind that I wish to share with the rest of you.
A special thanks to ATung231 for his awesome proof-reading for this chapter, which is now 20% cooler and more readable!

Payne-full Realization

By Ezbok58a

Chapter 5: Something rotten was in the air…

------

The tension in the air was so thick you needed an oxygen tank to breathe. Here I was in a land full of ponies, and the two rulers of this kingdom were watching as their “captain” waited for me to relinquish my firearm. I wasn’t too keen on giving up my Beretta. Even if they’re peaceful creatures, I don’t know what they’d do with it. Technology changes people. If firearms turned us humans into bloodthirsty, violent creatures, what made me think giving a gun to a pony would be any different?

Guess this world was warming my heart after all.

Then again, the only time I willingly gave up my gun was when I was trying to get Fabiana back. And I still ended up with a hole in my second favorite drinking arm because of it. They won’t take my gun. Especially with whatever the hell that blue one, I think she’s called “Luna”, had planned for me. I didn’t trust her as far as I could throw her, and I never was someone to throw a horse.

“No offense, but I’m not giving up my weapon.”

“We don’t mean any disrespect, it’s um…it’s just that…” Captain Shining Armor was struggling to find the words to use that would offend me the least.

It wasn’t working.

“It’s just that you don’t want me going around shooting every single pony in sight? Well, don’t you think if I was going to do that, I would’ve done so already?”

Shining Armor was starting to sweat as his eyes darted around nervously.

“You’re not getting my gun, and that’s final.”

The silence that followed just added to the tension. I could tell Twilight and her friends were fidgeting around me. Twilight was staring at me with a mix of concern and anger. My eyes were focused intently on Luna.

The neutral expression never left Luna’s face as she stared back at me, seeing who would blink first. Even her sister was looking curiously at the two of us and our impromptu staring contest. Seconds went by like minutes. Neither one of us was backing down. One of us was going to break, and I’ll be damned if was me.

Then I noticed Luna’s facial expression changing. The corners of her mouth twitched slightly, and then she broke out into a smile and had to stifle a laugh. Only I didn’t get the joke, and I wasn’t the only one.

“Oh, I haven’t had that good of a staring contest in quite a while. You are good, Mr. Payne.” she chuckled again.

Now I was lost and, going off of the gasps and the sound of someone fainting, I wasn’t the only one.

“What the hell is going on here?”

Luna held off on her laughing long enough to give me an answer.

“Sorry about that. You see, I had a bet with my sister and Shining Armor on whether or not you would relinquish your weapon if you were asked.”

“Wait…so you two actually made a bet on what he’d do?” Applejack asked as she rubbed the side of her face.

“Yeah, we did.” Luna replied.

“Cool! So who won, who won, who won?!?” Pinkie said, bouncing in place.

I looked around at the six ponies. Pinkie was obviously happy, as was Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy was helping Rarity up, who I imagine fainted. Applejack and Twilight just looked surprised, and so was I. I never expected the leaders of a land to have a sense of humor, but I was mistaken.

“Well Pinkie, Luna won.” Celestia said.

“And as part of the bet we had…Celestia, would you do the honors?” Luna asked with a smirk.

“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?” Shining Armor asked.

“Probably…”

Before I could comprehend the dialogue between the three of them, Celestia had her horn aglow and used her magic to envelop Shining Armor. When the light show was over, I was left scratching my chin…

“Umm…” Rarity said, equally baffled as me.

“Uhh…” said Applejack.

“Ehh…” said Twilight.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore…

“All right. Why the hell is Shining Armor dressed as a giant banana?” I asked.

The question finally proved too much for Pinkie and Rainbow who fell to the ground laughing, much to the chagrin of Shining Armor, who fidgeted in his giant banana costume. Both the Royal Sisters were trying very hard to suppress smiles as they looked at their captain.

“Wait, so because you two had a bet my brother has to walk around dressed as a giant banana?”

“Well Twilight, your brother was so confident he would be able to persuade Mr. Payne here to give up his weapon that he came up with the punishment himself.”

“And now, I’m regretting even opening my mouth…” Shining mumbled.

“A banana costume, Shining Armor?” Twilight asked.

The captain blushed as he tried to make himself as small as possible. I’d find the situation amusing if I wasn’t so confused by the whole scene. My time on the force did have moments where you’d laugh at someone else’s expense, but never to this extreme.

“Can we get inside please? I’m rather uncomfortable being out here in this…”

“Fine, captain…although you’re still addressing the guards in that.” Luna said as she motioned to the castle.

“Oh…right. This isn’t going to end well…”Shining hung his head low as he started trotting towards the castle.

“Look on the bright side, captain. Princess Cadence will enjoy the photos of this.” Luna said.

She took out a camera, seemingly out of thin air, and snapped some photos of Shining Armor. The girls chuckled at this, whereas I felt completely out of the loop. I followed them into the castle. The castle itself was much like those storybook castles you see in cartoons or amusement parks. One could draw strange parallels from fantasy to reality, only my reality has never had a happy ending.

I used the time spent walking in the castle with them to think about my first impressions of the princesses and their captain. Captain Shining Armor was clad in a massive banana outfit, yet somehow managed to keep his dignity intact while he walked in between the two princesses. On the surface, the Pony Guard’s demeanors matched Shining Armor’s, but I knew deep down, they were just like the rest of the ponies that I’ve gotten to know: Charismatic, Fun-loving, and they even might have a sense of humor.

The more I see the Pony Guard, the more I see the parallels between their jobs and mine. Hell, a group of his guards would probably buy me a drink after their shifts ended much like the old days when I was on the force.
Then there were the princesses…

Luna, the princess of the Night as I’ll call her, was the one that came down investigate after I shot a couple of wood wolves to death. I was wary of her, particularly her tone and how it seemed to carry knowledge that she was keeping from me. I didn’t like being kept in the dark. Lies and secrecy…seems perfectly fitting for a Princess whose specialty was the nighttime.

Then there was Celestia. Judging by her mark and what Twilight told me the day before, the sun was her specialty. If I was more into astronomy and studying the stars, I might actually give a damn. She seemed to be more upbeat than her sister. Too bad that didn’t translate into her being any less mysterious.

The two royal sisters were complete wild cards to me. I couldn’t get a good reading of their intentions or what they were thinking. My initial thoughts went back to what I usually thought, darkness and pain. Perhaps I was going to be jailed for my actions last night or even executed. Maybe I could ask them for something harder to drink, whichever case it may be.

“Celestia, the captain and I shall catch up with you in the main conference room. We have to address the guards who will be going on the new assignment.” Luna said as we neared another hallway.

“Of course, Luna. We’ll have everything set for when you get there. Will you need anything?”

“Nope. Oh, almost forgot…” Luna said as she turned back towards us. Her horn’s glow grew brighter as I was starting to wonder what she was doing. It didn’t take long to find out.

Click

I knew that sound. I immediately reached for my sidearm and realized what she did as soon as I felt the grips.

“I believe the safety is now on is it not, Mr. Payne?” she asked with a sly smile.

My safety was glowing the same color as Luna’s horn glow. I tried disengaging the safety, but to no avail. As long as she worked her magic, I couldn’t do a thing with my Beretta. There was something very rotten about this.

“We’ll catch up to you shortly. Now come along, Shining…”

The feeling of helplessness is something I’ve unfortunately grown accustomed to. I felt it when my wife and child died, felt it when Alex died in front of me, and felt it when Mona was shot. I know it all too well, and right now that old familiar feeling was creeping back inside me. This was different then all the other times though. At least in this world, I didn’t have those feelings of imminent death and despair like so many times before.

Now I just felt like a puppet with someone else controlling the strings, making me do what they wanted. And the princesses were the puppet masters. As for the other six ponies that were with me? They were merely along for the ride as far as I was concerned. They didn’t have any better idea of what we were being drug into than I did. The only two who did apparently weren’t talking right now.

“You don’t seem all that thrilled to be here, Max. I can call you Max, right?” Celestia asked with apparent concern.

My abilities at not showing how I actually feel were working perfectly, or maybe it was my depression. Despite that, Celestia somehow knew how I felt. Do I lie about it or just tell her the truth? With the ability to go back to my own time in her hands, or rather hooves, maybe being honest wasn’t such a bad thing.

“Yes, you can call me Max and no, I’m not happy about it at all. It feels like I’m a pawn in someone’s game of chess.”

Her expression stayed between caring and neutral. She had a hell of a poker face, not letting us know what she really knew. With the way things were going, I wasn’t too hopeful for good news.

“I can understand your concern, but all will be revealed to you once my sister and the captain get back to us in the Royal Hall.”

“Princess, what exactly are you talking about?” Twilight asked genuine concern in her voice.

“Yeah, what’s with all this super secretive mumbo-jumbo you’re going on about?” Rainbow asked.

“Oh, are there more animals in danger?” Fluttershy asked. That was the first thing I heard her say all day.

“And why do we all have to be here? I’m all for helping out Equestria and all, but I got the farm to take care of.” Applejack said.

“All your questions shall be answered my little ponies, but I can answer your question now, Applejack.” Celestia said with a smile.

“Thank ya’ kindly. So how about it then?” Applejack asked.

She seemed eager to hear the news. Then again, I’d imagine a farmer would like to know about anything involving their farm.

“Luna and I have decided that a few members of the Royal Guard will be sent to Ponyville to fill in for you while you’re here.”

“You make it seem like we are all going to be here a while…” I asked.

It wasn’t much of a clue, and that put me on edge. Whatever justified sending members of Royal Guard down to Ponyville to fill in for the six ponies while they were away, it was going to be big. The rotten stench in the air kept getting thicker and thicker.

“Unfortunately Max, with what we’ve been hearing, that may be the case. However, I think we should wait for my sister to join us in the hall before we discuss this any further.”

The remainder of our journey into the castle interior was done in silence, allowing me to admire the castle structure and the sheer number of guards that were stationed, almost every ten feet. There were three distinct types of guards that I noticed. The ones with white coats and blue manes were the Royal Guard, all pegasi. The ones with dark gray coats and white manes were the Unicorn Guard. Not surprisingly, they were all unicorns. Finally, the ones with midnight coats and bat-like wings were the “Lunar Guard”, as I called them.

We finally arrived at the conference room, where I hoped all these ill feelings I was having would go away. The two Unicorn Guards opened the doors for us. My eyes were immediately drawn to the large covered stack of items against the wall.

“Now if you’ll please all take a seat. My sister will be joining us soon, and then we can begin.” Celestia said.

“Begin what, exactly?” Applejack asked.

The tension was building. The six ponies didn’t look too eager to be here at all.

“Something that I’m sure Max wants to hear.” Celestia said while looking at me.

Her eyes told me everything, even though she hadn’t said a word. She was worried, but about what? I couldn’t tell. But that feeling of something rotten hanging in the air that’s been pestering me since we arrived was still present. There was only one way for this to go, and that was downhill. Convenient, given this city was built on a mountainside.

The six friends stayed together, taking seats up on my left. I chose to sit in the middle, facing the wall with the covered items and, not on purpose, directly in front of Princess Celestia. Three minutes passed before the side doors opened again and Princess Luna and Shining Armor, still dressed as a banana, walked in.

“I hope I didn’t keep everyone waiting too long.” Luna said as she moved across the room.

“Luna, does the captain still have to wear that?” Celestia asked.

“Ah yes, it did serve its purpose did it not, Captain?” Luna asked as she took her seat next to her sister.

“Yes, it was quite comical…” The captain said in a deadpan tone.

There was a lot about this place that would still take some getting used to, a pony in a banana suit notwithstanding. With a flash of magic, the captain was back in his usual uniform.

“Thank you, princess. It feels good to be out of that banana suit.” Shining Armor said.

“Again my sincerest apologies for keeping you waiting, Mr. Payne, but this is a matter of great importance for our land.” Luna said as she sat across from me.

“No need to apologize. I can see you had some more ”important” matters to attend to before talking to me about what happened last night. Although the only thing you’ve told me so far is that we have “much to discuss.” That tells me there’s more to this meeting than me killing some creatures in self defense.”

“Very astute, Mr. Payne. What happened last night was just the tip of the iceberg.”

The silence that followed her statement was deafening.

“Princess Luna, what are you saying?” Twilight asked.

“Last night’s Timberwolf attack may have seemed like an isolated incident, but the reality is that it was no accident.”

“Are you tellin’ us that someone sent the wolves after our friends?” Applejack asked.

“No Applejack, but this is not the first time a creature indigenous to the Everfree Forest has ventured outside of the forest to scrounge for food.”

“It’s been happening more often in the last month. Timberwolves, Ursa Majors and Minors, and even Manticores have been spotted outside of the forest limits. Something is causing them to venture out.” Celestia added.

“I hate to interrupt…”

I cut into the conversation, addressing Luna.

“…but I’d actually like to know what the hell this has to do with me specifically. Why am I here? And more importantly, how the hell did you know where my gun was and how to switch the safety on and keep me from disengaging it?”

Everything in the room seemed to come to a sudden stop. Luna cast a glance at her sister. If she offered her any advice I didn’t see it.

“Right, my apologies Mr. Payne…”

“Call me Max, please.”

I hated being called Mr. Payne. It sounded like a bad pun. Then again, my name was a bad pun. Christ, I could actually fit in this world if I was a pony.

“Well Max, the reason I knew about your…gun, is it?” Luna gave me a confused look, obviously not sure of the word.

I nodded my head so she could continue on.

“Well, your gun and my knowledge of how to turn the safety on has to do with the reason you’re here in the first place.”

I crossed my arms over my chest as I kept my eyes on her.

“I suspect you want a better explanation then that…”

I nodded my head again. The two sisters shared a glance yet again before Luna turned towards the captain and nodded her head. Shining Armor moved toward the covered items against the wall. He used his magic to take the cover and pulled it away.

“What the hell?”

I got up from my seat and headed over to the newly revealed items. There were five wooden crates, which wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary, except they all had US government markings on them.

To say these things didn’t belong here was a gross understatement.

The crate I came to had marks along the top of it, an indication that it was opened before. Whether the palace guards opened them, or somebody else, it left me with that same rotten feeling in my head. I pushed that thought aside as I lifted the lid off so I could see what was in the crate. What I saw made my heart sink.

“Holy Shit.”

Weapons…a shitload of them.

“We found the first one of these about a month ago in the woods around Smokey Mountain. The others we’ve found in the same area, albeit at great cost…”

Celestia’s voice trailed off as I began to examine the four other crates. At that point, I understood what she meant. Judging from the panicked gasps I heard, the others saw it as well.

Blood.

Three of the crates were splattered with blood and filled with bullet holes. I took my eyes off the crates and looked back at the group. The Princesses were still wearing their poker faces, as was the captain. Everyone else looked like they’d been kicked in the gut. I’ve seen this before, but the six ponies next to me obviously haven’t. I remembered back to when I was an NYPD rookie, responding to my first homicide. I had that exact same look on my face, but that was a lifetime ago. The only difference is there was no body or bodies, but rather, circumstantial evidence suggesting an intense gun battle had been fought. If they’re reacting like this now, what’ll happen when they see actual bodies? How the fuck did these weapons end up here? And who is killing for those weapon crates in this world?

I almost didn’t want to know the answers, but the reason why I was here was becoming clearer by the second.

“We lost three guards that day…all good ponies…” Shining Armor said sadly.

“Anytime you lose someone, it’s always the good ones…” I added grimly.

“The ones that did make it back reported the group responsible for this was …”

Celestia’s eyes changed from sorrow to something I’ve yet to see in a pony here: hatred. Stone cold hatred.

“A group of griffins…” Princess Celestia interjected.

This shit just keeps getting better and better.

“Griffins? But Princess, why would they do such a thing?” Twilight asked.

“And where the hay would they even get these things?” Applejack added.

“Not the griffon nation, but a rogue faction.” Celestia said as she turned towards the six distraught ponies.

“This world just keeps surprising me…” I said as I walked around to another crate.

“You mean to tell me that a bunch of Griffins left their nation, got ahold of weapons from my world somehow, and are now building up their own army?”

Saying it out loud made it even harder for me to believe it.

“I know it sounds absolutely preposterous.” Celestia said.

“However, it’s not as simple as you make it seem, Max…” Luna grabbed a folder that was on top of one of the crates and floated it over to me.

I grabbed it from her magic field and opened it. Inside were a roster and some notes. I was more amazed that it was in English, rather than what was actually inside. Luna started explaining just what exactly I was looking at.

“A month ago, one of the Griffin Kingdom’s generals asked for our permission to take a squadron of their guards into the forest around Smokey Mountain for some intense training. Naturally, we agreed.”

“I suspect there’s a “however” in there…” I added as I started flipping through the folder.

“Correct.” Luna said before she continued.

“The squadron was in contact with the Griffin mainland for a week before all contact was lost. The squadron leader was later found with the second crate we came across.”

As if on cue, the next picture I came across in the folder was of the squadron leader, only it was dead. Very dead. Systematically tortured, judging from numerous deliberate shallow cuts all over its’ body, and summarily executed with a single shot to the head. Damn near blew its’ head off. Somebody or someone made an example out of this poor bastard. The photograph brought back haunting memories. There was something vaguely familiar about this. I almost didn’t want to know what it was.

“Something has entered our land, and it seems to have convinced an entire squadron of Griffin warriors to join their side. Judging by these crates and what’s happened to our guards, we can make an educated guess that it’s not peaceful.”

“The animals venturing out of the forest are being forced out by the rogue Griffin squadron that’s now made a camp in the woods outside of Smokey Mountain. More dangerous creatures are leaving the Everfree forest every week. What happened last night was the first time they came across a large pony population. I fear that this is only the beginning…” Celestia added.

“So what the hell does this have to do with me?”

Celestia’s expression changed to one of worry as she decided to continue.

“Well, I’ve done some digging into where these crates may have come from...”

“She used magic to find out who’s been in contact with it.” Luna interrupted

I turned to look at her, as did everyone else in the room.

“That still doesn’t explain why I’m here, now does it?”

“You’ve come into contact with these crates before they entered Equestria. You, and a lot of humans.”

For some reason, this is where I was completely lost.

“What do you mean I’ve been in contact with these crates before? Were you spying on me?“ I asked.

Just trying to remember where I’ve seen a couple of crates through the haze of booze and painkillers was nigh impossible. Even then, the crates looked just like the countless others I’ve either used for cover or opened to find weapons to stay alive.

“I used my magic to find out where you were, and if you were…well…” Luna trailed off in uncertainty.

I finished her thought for her.

“Dead or alive?”

The stunned look on all of their faces and the rather embarrassed look on Luna’s told me I was dead on, no pun intended.

“You certainly don’t mince words Max, but yes, I checked to see if there was anyone who’s come in contact with these crates was still alive.”

“And because I’m here, I guess I’m the only one?”

Luna nodded. The rest of the group shared their shocked expressions with each other followed by whispers.

“Because you were the only surviving creature that has come into contact with these crates, I then kept a close eye on you.”

“So you have been spying on me.”

I wasn’t mad about it. Hell, most of the East Coast and São Paulo, Brazil knew about my fall from grace. I’m surprised they haven’t made a movie or videogame about it by now.

“Please understand, I had to know about your world and how it functioned. I must say I was a little surprised at how…violent your world is, and what you’ve been through.”

“And despite seeing all of that, you still felt it necessary to bring me here?”

“The decision was not easy, Max, but from what I’ve seen, you still have some good in you. Your actions last night proved that to Celestia and me.”

“Princess, I don’t mean to interrupt but how exactly does ending the lives of a couple a’ Timberwolves prove Max still has some good in him? No offense, Max…” Applejack added.

“None taken.”

It’d take a lot more than that to offend me anyway.

“Well Applejack, he put his life on the line for ponies he didn’t know, in a world he wasn’t familiar with, fighting creatures he’d never seen before which, by the way, he only killed to keep the rest of you alive. If that doesn’t speak of his good intent, I don’t know what does.”

“But Princess, this still doesn’t make any sense…” Twilight interrupted.

As I was listening to the Princess rattle on about their problem and how it’s somehow tied to me, there was still one piece of the puzzle missing.

“It’s the Griffins, isn’t it?” Luna asked.

Besides knowing a hell of a lot about me and my past, she could also read minds.

“You’re wondering what could possess this gathering of Griffins to turn against their leaders and take up arms against Equestria. Am I right?” Celestia asked.

“Well, yes. It doesn’t make sense to me.” Twilight answered.

“We’ve already contacted the Griffin Embassy in regards to that very question, Twilight Sparkle. They’ve sent one of their top Diplomatic Relations members and the leader of their standing military over to discuss what’s happened to their squad. They should be here within the hour.” Luna said.

“Wait, the leader of their military is coming here as well?” Rainbow asked.

“That’s what I said. Why, is there a problem?” Luna asked.

“That means Gilda’s father’s going to be here…” Rainbow finished with a sigh.

“You mean Gilda’s father is the head of the Griffin military?” Applejack asked.

“Well that would explain her grumpiness.” Pinkie added.

I just shook my head. I had no idea what the hell they were talking about, but their body language and the questions they started asking Rainbow Dash told me we would have a hell of a time with the Griffin leader. A rogue faction of griffins who murdered their squad leader and are now fighting for somebody or someone we didn’t even know. Fucked up didn’t even begin to describe the situation.

As I watched the six ponies discuss this “Gilda” character, I soon realized that Princess Celestia decided to read the file alongside me.

“Do I even want to know what they’re talking about?”

“It’s nothing to be worried about, Max. Long story short, Rainbow Dash’s old friend, who she had a falling out with, is the daughter of the leader of the Griffin Kingdom’s military.”

“Oh. For a second there, I thought it might be something serious.” I said, forcing a laugh.

“I take it things have rarely gone your way in your life?”

“I’m surprised your sister didn’t tell you my sad story…”

“What makes you say she didn’t?”

“If she did, then it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out that trouble just seems to find me, even in another world.”

“Perhaps you work best when you’re at odds with your surroundings?” Celestia said, trying to lighten the mood.

“That’s one way to look at it.”

She had a point. Sure I’ve lost loved ones and friends, but I always came out of it. Bloodied, bruised, and broken, but alive. I didn’t know whether that was a blessing or a curse. Might also explain why my liver hadn’t given up on me either, as I’d been poisoning it for the better part of a decade.

I continued to skim through the file until I got to the pictures. I soon wished I hadn’t seen them. Being a homicide detective, I’ve seen my fair share of terrible sights, but no matter how many times you’ve seen what I’ve seen, you never get used to it. The brutality of those photos was definitely a jarring experience, especially from a world where the idea of violence is a foreign concept.

Even through the photos, the once big and cheerful eyes of the pony guards now stared at me, cold and dead. To quote Quinn from Jaws: ”lifeless eyes, like dolls eyes.” Only these eyes captured the sheer horror they experienced before their lives were tragically ended. Never thought I would feel for those pony guards, but then again, it’s been a long time since I felt anything at all.

I put the folder down before I turned my attention back to Celestia, who was still standing next to me.

“I need a drink.”

“Oh, of course Max. What kind of drink do you need?”

She motioned one of the other guards over. Until now, I didn’t notice the pony guards in the room.

“Scotch if you have it.”

“Ah, you have fine taste.” Celestia responded.

“So you do have alcohol in this world other than Applejack’s “special” cider. I was beginning to wonder if this was a dry land.”

“Equestria isn’t dry by any means, in case you were wondering. We just don’t advertise that we have it in large supply.”

“You keep things like this quiet?”

“I’m sure you know once somepony gets enough alcohol in their system, they tend to be a different pony, if you understand.”

“Of course.” I responded.

With the information I gathered from this meeting, there was indeed something rotten in this colorful world’s atmosphere, mainly from the rogue griffins in Equestria. A rebellion was brewing, and I wasn’t sure Equestria was ready for war.

“I’m sorry we have to ask this of you, Max. It doesn’t feel right to bring you here only to fix our problems.” Celestia said with sadness in her voice.

“Hey, at least you told me. Most times I just get thrown in situations and have to resolve them by myself. Now I at least have an idea of what I’ll be going up against.”

Around the time I said that, the guard produced a glass of the substance I’d been longing for since I arrived here: scotch.

“Thanks” I said, giving a nod to the guard as I grabbed the glass from his field of magical energy.

“So, how does Equestria’s scotch compare to the ones back home?” Celestia asked.

I tentatively took a sip. That cool refreshing sensation that I’ve missed for the past day and a half finally returned. It was stronger than I remembered, but I wasn’t one to take watered down drinks in the first place.

“Yeah, just like home.”

“I think they’re done discussing Gilda if you’d like to go and rejoin the conversation, Max.” Celestia said.

“Oh, before I forget. Look at your gun again, and you’re welcome.” Luna said cryptically.

I looked at my Beretta. The magic glow covering the safety had been removed, and the safety had already been disengaged. Guess the princesses trust me now.

I had been watching the six ponies’ conversation from a distance. By now, it was wrapping up as the chatter died down.

“I take it you girls sorted out the Gilda issue?” I asked, joining the group again.

“Not exactly. You see, Gilda and I kind of had a falling out…” Rainbow said as she rubbed the back of her head.

“I already know. Princess Celestia told me. I just hope it doesn’t affect our meeting with the Griffin leader.” I told Rainbow.

“Princess Celestia, they should be here within an hour. We’ll adjourn until they arrive.” Shining Armor said.

“If it’s all right with you two Princesses, I’d like to further review the information you’ve given me.”

“Absolutely, Max.” Celestia said.

I opened the file again and turned to the pictures. Here I was again, halfway down another world, but instead of looking at the bodies of women I was supposed to protect, I was looking at three ponies I wished I could’ve protected. A little more than twenty-four hours ago, I didn’t even give a shit about talking ponies, or this fucking world. Now I was feeling empathy, a welcome, if unfamiliar change from my typical depression. If I had any chance of getting back to my world, I had to help the princesses, the six ponies, and all the pony guards with a rogue squadron of heavily armed griffins being controlled by a mysterious benefactor.

What’s the worst that could happen?

No one was coming out of this clean...

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Max Payne and all related materials belonging to it are property of Rockstar Games

My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic belongs to Hasbro, I in no way make any profit from this story. This is a story of my own strange mind that I wish to share with the rest of you.

A special thanks to ATung231 for his awesome proof-reading for this chapter, which is now 20% cooler and more readable!

Payne-full Realization

By Ezbok58a

Chapter 6: No one was coming out of this clean…

The princesses, the six ponies, and I waited for the griffin delegation to arrive. The room we were waiting in could put five star hotels to shame. Then again, five star hotels didn’t come with pony guards, princesses, or bloodstained crates of weapons.

The girls were across the room from me where all the pillows were piled on the floor. I was sitting at the table on the other side with my back to them. I wasn’t as surprised as I should’ve been that there were both, albeit fancy, a normal table and normal chairs in the room. I figured that other creatures came to visit so they’d need something to accommodate them but right now, where the table and chairs came from wasn’t my concern. The girls and their gossip wasn’t part of it either, although from their hushed whispers, I figured they had to be talking about me.

Here I was sitting at a table with the contents of the folder the Princesses gave me spread out for my scrutiny while I held a glass of scotch in my right hand and a lit cigarette in the other. They haven’t seen me smoke and drink at the same time. Hopefully, they won’t see my more violent way of multitasking.

Fifteen minutes down, forty-five minutes to go before the Griffin Ambassadors arrived. The cynic in me thought they were going to cover up their own military’s atrocities, like any politician would. I wasn’t looking forward to their arrival.

For not knowing what was going on, the Princesses’ guards sure knew how to document evidence. I was having flashbacks to my NYPD days, only the ponies’ writing was more legible. How a group of ponies can manage to have better penmanship than half the NYPD takes some talent.

The reports and the pictures they provided painted an ugly picture. Over a month ago, there were reports of something big happening in the wooded area around a place known as “Smoky Mountain”, due south of a place called “Tall Tale”. I swear these names were unintentional puns…

Besides the ridiculous names, the residents of Tall Tale said a freak lightning storm appeared around Smoky Mountain two weeks prior to the griffin squadron arriving. Two weeks would be plenty of time for that mysterious benefactor to turn an entire squadron rogue, train them in advanced weaponry, and start their reign of terror.

The details of the storm were sparse, but what we did know is that these weapon crates showed up around the same time the locals first saw the storm. From the storm’s arrival up until the griffins showed up, there were reports of loud cracks in the woods with the occasional explosion.

Most of the noises were passed off as the wind playing tricks with them, but from what I read, I knew it was gunfire. Nobody investigated until a few days before the squadron was scheduled for their drill, which was when the first crate was found in a clearing, along with something else the Princess didn’t mention: three animal carcasses.

The report says they were mutilated and killed by some magical means they couldn’t identify, but they didn’t have me here at the time. The animals weren’t mutilated. They were gutted and cleaned. And it wasn’t magic that killed them, but a bullet to their heads. Whatever or whoever came through with these crates knew how to survive in the wild and knew how to operate a gun. A dangerous combination, especially in a land where I found out not everything is as cute and cuddly as these ponies.

Eight crates were found altogether, although only five were at the castle. Their contents ranged from assault rifles to bulletproof vests, and everything in between. I even found several bottles of Interfectum, the painkillers I take. The irony was lost on my company. I pilfered a couple of bottles and put them in my pockets. The crates themselves didn’t answer any questions. One crate full of guns was just like every other crate full of guns.

Things didn’t become really interesting until after the squadron showed up for their drills.

Before being allowed in Equestria, the Princesses requested some background on what this squadron was actually going to be doing, and who will be there. The numbers weren’t good at all. Counting the three commanders, there were one hundred and sixty-five rogue griffins in the woods under the command of someone who was highly intelligent and clearly out of their mind. Just like Nicole Horne.

After their arrival, it was two more weeks before contact with the squadron was lost. Shortly thereafter, the griffin nation requested the Princesses look into their squad’s disappearance. That was when two more crates were found, along with the squad leader’s body.

That’s also when the first gunfight started.

The reports from the guards indicated that whoever attacked stayed within the woods and, at the time, they thought they were under siege by a magical barrage, based off the flashes they saw in the woods. The unicorn guards with them put up a magical barrier, but were shocked when it did nothing to stop whatever was coming at them. No guards were lost, but a few were wounded in the attack. The hits they received were mostly superficial: nothing worse than scratches. I knew they were under fire, and it told me whoever fired on them couldn’t operate a firearm to save their life, most likely the griffins.

I found out later that the squad leader’s body was brought back to Canterlot, along with the crates. Reports indicate he had fought with whoever was training the griffins. I thought the pictures were bad enough, but to see the actual body in an adjoining room makes it worse. Come to think of it, I’m rather glad the girls weren’t near me now. Who knows how they’d react to looking at this poor bastard’s body, let alone pictures of him?

The room was guarded by two pony guards on high alert. I asked to see the body, and I was let in. Like in the pictures before, his body was covered in shallow cuts and had a single bullet wound to the head, but what I would see next would showcase the killer’s true depravity. One of his wings was actually ripped off his body, his other wing was broken in three places, and there were the bullet wounds in what I’d assume were its rear knee caps, something the pictures didn’t show. Whatever he went against wanted to make an example of him, possibly in front of the squad.

The guards in the coming two weeks made 4 more incursions into the area. The last incursion was six days ago, and that was the bloodiest. It appeared the griffins were getting better with their guns. The last 3 times, all the guards got away with minor injuries. Not this time. Out of the sixteen guards sent to investigate, three guards were dead and five were seriously injured. Two of the five seriously wounded were in comas and the rest were still in the nearby hospital inside Canterlot. The ones who were able to talk said they saw their attackers as they were carrying their wounded and dead out of the killing field. They didn’t even have a chance to address them. They were just cut down by automatic gunfire and shouting from someone they couldn’t see.

No one was able to hear clearly what was being said, but the consensus from the ponies within earshot was that it was laughter. Yeah, laughter, because killing ponies checking out what’s going on is fucking hilarious. Laughing in the face of slaughter…I’ve run into far too many people who’d do that.

I was nearing the end of the file, but didn’t see any reports of the griffins in the squadron. My guess is because the griffin delegation was bringing them to Canterlot to further themselves from the mess they created. The last part of the file I didn’t read was the information on the dead pony guards, and I wasn’t going to burden myself with finding out what families they left behind. I had my own crosses to bear on that front.

I was too busy trying to put the pieces of the puzzle I had to hear, let alone notice that the girls stopped their idle conversation across the room and came up to join me.

“Has that file been any help, Max?” Twilight asked as she came up to the table.

She started looking at the open file closely. I saw her eyes settle on the pictures of the guards and the commander. She stared at them only a second before she closed her eyes and turned away.

“Partly, but I still don’t understand some things.”

I took a drag off my cigarette and flicked some ash onto a small plate as I contemplated what to do next.

“There’s nothing we can do to help you, is there?” Rarity asked as she came up to the left of Twilight.

She too noticed the pictures and averted her gaze to me. I grabbed the offending pictures and flipped them over so the rest of the group forming a semicircle around me wouldn’t see them.

“Not unless you happen to know who, how, and why for these events. The file itself doesn’t give me anything but an outline as to what happened. It doesn’t tell me why it’s happening.”

“You mean the griffins, right?” Applejack asked.

I nodded my head.

“With what I’ve seen here and what I’ve gathered from this file, there’s no ill will between your land and the griffins, so there should be no reason for them to show hostility toward the guards.”

“But something made them change, right?” Pinkie Pie asked as she bounced in place.

“Right, but what was it that made them change? No one changes sides at the drop of the hat, even if shown extreme violence.”

I took another sip of scotch, and then Twilight spoke.

“Their leader…you mean watching what happened to him doesn’t make someone change right away?” Twilight asked.

“In my world? Not that easily. Maybe a handful, but the whole group won’t turn a 180 that quickly, unless there’s something else at play.”

“You think there was something wrong with this here lot from the start of this?” Applejack asked as she adjusted her hat.

“You know, for a country girl, you’re a lot smarter than you look.”

“Uh, thanks…I think.”

I could already hear a few snickers coming from the other five girls.

“AJ’s got the right idea. Something’s definitely wrong with these griffins. It’s the only explanation!”

Rainbow said as she took flight around the room. Her speaking up reminded me of the conversation they had when Celestia gave me the scotch. Somehow, I think Rainbow’s former friend Gilda might’ve had a hand in this, but I didn’t have any evidence supporting my theory, so I kept it to myself.

“Rainbow, you said this griffin commander is the father of a friend of yours?”

She stopped flying and quickly landed with a concerned look on her face. I could tell by her expression she was a little apprehensive on the topic, but I needed answers.

“Yeah…it’s a bit complicated. I was telling the girls that earlier.”

“Never mind that. What can you tell me about the commander?”

“Oh him? Well he’s not the most pleasant griffin to deal with. He’s very strict and doesn’t like any backtalk.”

“Would you say he sometimes becomes so focused on something that he forgets what’s right in front of him?”

“Oh yeah, totally. Half the time me and Gilda hung out, she snuck away from her dad to get away from his overbearing attitude.”

The answer was what I was looking for. The mysterious benefactor is someone who’s focused on a goal and nothing else, like Gilda’s dad, who would be focused on something so intently, he’d forget his own daughter was there. I’d need full files on those members of the squad to further confirm my theory but right now, I had an idea on who was leading the rogue squad.

“Max thinks that the rogue commander overlooked the issues with the squadron as a whole, which somehow relates to them turning so quickly. Am I right, Max?”

Twilight figured out my train of thought. Couldn’t say I was surprised by that. The unicorn has shown me her great understanding and ability to figure out problems in such a short time that I was actually surprised she didn’t think of it before I did, and this was coming from a guy with investigative experience in the NYPD, DEA, and the private sector.

“He’s hiding, or better yet, ignoring something that’s key to the entire squadron turning at the drop of a hat. So yeah, you’re right.”

The unicorn beamed with pride, much like a child does when they get something difficult right. I’d call it cute if the situation wasn’t so dire.

“Um…what about them…?” said Fluttershy, barely audible as usual.

I turned back to the table and sure enough, there she was. In her hooves were the pictures of the guards I turned over earlier. How she was able to hold those in her hooves was another one of those “what the fuck” moments I’ve been experiencing all too often in Equestria, but I’d eventually get over that feeling.

“Do...do they have anypony?” Her voice was quiet and calm, considering the gravity of what she was asking.

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Oh, I see…that’s OK. Um…do you mind if I…?”

I could see what she was getting at. If she was willing to go through with it, then she’s a lot tougher than I thought.

“Go ahead.”

A small smile appeared briefly on her face before she nodded and moved to the other end of the table to look over the guards’ files.

“So how do you think this meeting’s going to go? I’m sure they’re not going to come right out and tell us the whole story.

Actually, I don’t know how you’ll be received by the griffin delegation, Max.” Twilight said.

I snubbed out my cigarette and downed the last of the scotch.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine, but if the griffins are lying, they won’t be.”

The rest of the time was spent going over little details with the girls, as well as filling the rest of them in on my past, ironically on Fluttershy’s insistence. The shy Pegasus worked in a completely opposite way that Rainbow Dash did. She still held the information on the dead guards in her front hooves, as if she had gotten comfortable with it, but it’s never that easy. Deep down, I knew she was horrified and yet, she kept a brave face. Fluttershy’s a lot tougher than her demeanor suggests.

My plan wasn’t going to be easy. There was a very good chance it’d just blow up in my face and make me a scapegoat to the whole debacle, but if it worked, I could get the truth out of them. I wasn’t sure how the politics of this world worked, but if it reflects mine, then the opportunity to knock some lying bastard to the ground was too much to pass up. And it wasn’t just the scotch and pills talking.

The only other person who thought I should go through with this idea was Princess Luna. Celestia was apprehensive to the idea simply because it might put Equestria itself in hot water. I assured her that Equestria would be fine after this, but I was lying right to her face. No one was coming out of this clean if I was right, and Celestia knew it.

The rest of the girls thought just as highly of my plan as Celestia did, although they were a little relieved to hear I was going to be outside the room while the meeting began. Something about putting all of our eggs in one basket, I think.

Even though I’d be outside the room, I’d still hear the conversation going on inside, and the file was still in my hand. If these griffins really were going to pass the buck, I had everything I needed to bring them back to reality…well, their reality anyway.

“Max, are you sure about this…I mean are you really, really sure about this? You don’t want to reconsider?”

Twilight was panicking, as evident by a few strands of her hair sticking out of place, her darting eyes, and the pacing in place she was doing. This was the sixth time in the past two minutes she asked me.

“You need to loosen up a bit Twilight. You’re too high strung.”

“I AM NOT HIGH STRUNG!!!”

Myself and her other friends took an inadvertent step back at her outburst. She slowly opened her eyes and realized just what she did.

“OK. Maybe a little…”

“Seriously, Twi’, Princess Luna’s all right with his idea. Why can’t you be as well?” Rainbow asked her.

“I don’t know. All I can see is the probability of this going wrong and Max ending up in a dungeon and the Griffins at war with us!”

“Dear, aren’t you being a teensy bit extreme?” Rarity asked.

“Maybe, but there’s something that’s worrying me…” Twilight trailed off as she looked down the hall.

I had to admit I was playing Russian roulette with Equestria. If I’m wrong, then everything would come crashing down on me, the obvious scapegoat. And whatever the hell is going on in the woods out there would go unchecked until it also comes crashing down. I’ve seen enough bodies already. What little good left in me didn’t want to see any more in a world so innocent and cheerful.

“Besides, he may not even need to go in to argue with this griffin fellow. Honesty’s always the best policy.” Applejack said reassuringly.

“That’s because your lies are terrible!” Rainbow added with a chuckle.

Applejack glared at Rainbow, but Rainbow wasn’t paying attention. The element of honesty being a terrible liar seemed logical: you wouldn’t want someone who’s so honest to tell good lies. Then again, she was very simple in her ways.

We walked from the room the Princesses provided us down to the main hall where we had our meeting earlier. The Ambassador from the Griffin Kingdom and the Commander of their guards were currently outside the castle and would be headed here. We’d be in a room attached to the main hall to keep our presence from the griffin delegation a secret. With the help of the Unicorn guards’ magic, we’d be able to see and hear what the Ambassadors and the Princesses would be talking about so when we were called in, we wouldn’t be walking in blind.

Both Princesses knew when they were going to call us in, which led me to believe these griffins weren’t going to be as reasonable as I thought. Everything about this supposed training exercise they were on stunk to high heaven. It’s too convenient in my mind, something a few of the girls agreed with, but they didn’t think it was planned. Ever the cynic, I kept a great deal of mistrust towards the griffins.

“Why exactly is this Griffin Commander coming along with the Ambassador again? This seems like something the Ambassador should handle alone.” Rarity asked as she bounced the curled part of her mane in her front hoof.

“Probably because it’s his griffins that are out there going crazy.” Rainbow said.

“Going crazy? Is that what you call it?” Applejack asked.

“There are three dead guards, a dead leader, and who knows what else they destroyed during their three weeks away from the griffin kingdom. So yeah, crazy…”

“The unicorn guards’ report mentioned they sent the messages to Smoky Mountain, but nobody responded back. That means if the griffins say that their squadron never received any messages, they’re lying.” Applejack reasoned.

“There has to be more to it than that. The griffins have something to hide if they’re ignoring correspondence from their own kingdom.” I added.

“Well, what could they be hiding?” Pinkie Pie interjected.

“More than likely, nothing good. You never hide anything that’d be good.”

“Well Max, looks like we’re going to find out.” Twilight said with a nervous gulp.

Sure enough, the side door to the main conference room opened up and in came both Princesses with the two griffins. The one I think was the Ambassador was wearing what I could only describe as a tuxedo shirt…or something that looked like it. I’d imagine a full tuxedo wouldn’t exactly work on creatures with four legs, so half a tuxedo would have to do. Next to the Ambassador was another griffin wearing a bright blue vest with various medals pinned to it in typical military fashion. He also wore a blue and red accented brimmed hat on top of his head. If ever there was a Griffin version of the old Luftwaffe leader Hermann Goering, this was it here. The way he carried himself gave off an air of contempt for being here in the first place. I spotted a file tucked under his left wing. Assuming that was the file on the actual squadron, they were definitely here to deny everything and divert blame elsewhere. Things were certainly going to be interesting in the next few minutes.

Waiting in the room for the two princesses and griffins was Captain Shining Armor. He was really there as a conduit of the unicorn guards’ magic, ensuring that we’d be able to see and hear everything inside the room.

“Captain Shining Armor, this is Ambassador Chaplin of the Griffin kingdom and Commander Gunter of the griffin guards.” Celestia said.

The names seemed to come right out of a kid’s storybook, and just like a kid’s story, I was thinking that Chaplin and Gunter’s personalities would be exact opposites.

“It’s a pleasure.” Shining said with a slight bow of the head.

“I wish it was under better circumstances.” Chaplin said as he returned his bow. Gunter just huffed.

“Well, at least I know where Gilda got her attitude from.” Rainbow said.

“Is something bothering you about this meeting, Commander Gunter?” Luna asked as she walked in front of the two griffins and took a seat next to her sister.

Gunter eyed the princesses warily as a scornful expression appeared on his face.

“Looks like we’ll be coming in sooner than I expected.” I said as I turned to Fluttershy.

“Oh…my, he looks quite…mad…” Fluttershy said before she realized I was facing her.

“Sorry Fluttershy, but I’m going to need the file on the dead pony guards for this. Unless of course you want to spring those photos on him…”

“No, that’s all right…you could probably do it better than I would…”

A small smile appeared on her face as she handed over the file of the dead pony guards. I wasn’t originally going to use the pony guards as leverage, figuring that as we pressed further Fluttershy would show the two griffins the files and her demeanor would persuade them to tell us everything. Gunter’s attitude quickly rendered that plan moot. The only way to get to Gunter was not by sweet talk and persuasion, but to actually show him the terror and death at the hands of his squadron via the photos.

I didn’t know if this would work, but when have countless years’ of experience in the NYPD and DEA, you have an idea of how to get somebody to talk. And right now, hard hitting facts were going to be the key.

“Princess, I must apologize for Commander Gunter’s behavior. Not only did he insist on coming along, but he is also very protective of his squadron…” Chaplin said, eyeing his counterpart warily.

Mistrust already. Feels like home.

“I don’t appreciate my men being called traitors…” Gunter growled.

A silence hung over the room threatening to smother us as the gravity of Gunter’s statement sunk in.

“I never suggested anything of the sort!” Celestia retorted sharply.

“Well, that escalated quickly…” Applejack said, sharing a worried look with her friends.

“Commander Gunter, with all due respect, three of my own guards are dead.” Shining Armor said the faintest sign of a scowl on his face.

“And I don’t see how my own guards are responsible for your own guards’ carelessness! Clearly you should train them better!” Gunter said with disdain.

“Oh no…this is bad…” Twilight said.

“Bad? We’re way past bad!” Rainbow said as gestured towards Gunter.

“Ladies, I suspect we’ll be going in soon.” I said.

Judging by Gunter’s utter disdain for the slain pony guards, we were either going to go in and show him the light, or we’d be cleaning his remains off the floor. If things didn’t change quickly, no one was coming out of this clean.

“Commander! Watch your tone!” Chaplin hissed at his companion, looking very nervous.

“I will not! I knew you’d try to lay the blame onto my squadron which is why I insisted I come along! My squad is not a bunch of traitors!”

The expression on the princesses remained neutral as Luna turned her head slightly towards her sister.

“Sister, shall I bring our guests in?”

“Not yet, Luna. First we have to make some points very clear to Commander Gunter here.”

Gunter huffed indignantly at the Princesses’ statement, something I gathered he’d soon regret.

“Ambassador Chaplin, when we told you about the incidents that have occurred as a result of me sending several members of my guard to investigate, was the word “traitor” anywhere in that message?” Celestia asked.

“Absolutely not, your highness…”

“Was there ever any mention of their actions reflecting those of the Griffin nation as a whole?”

“…of course not, your highness…”

“So tell me Ambassador, is your Commander here hard of hearing?”

A grin appeared on my face as I heard a few of the girls snicker. The Princesses ability to remain neutral, even when insulting Commander Gunter, was something to behold.

“Um…apparently so, your highness.”

“CHAPLIN! HOW DARE YOU…“

“Commander Gunter, I strongly advise you to keep your outbursts to yourself! You were not part of the initial message and as such you will not voice your concerns until we ask. You are in my land as my guest. You do not interrupt me or anyone else here! Is that understood?”

Gunter looked between the two Princesses and then back at the Ambassador before reluctantly nodding his head in agreement.

“Good. Now because you’re here, we’ll cover anything you don’t understand, Commander, and you’ll understand why we did what we did.” Celestia continued.

“Prior to your squadron’s request to do training exercises in the woods outside of Tall Tale, we heard reports of something different arriving in the woods. Something the townsfolk dismissed as the woodland creatures being “overactive”. We now know that wasn’t the case. Whatever actually was there we now believe is the same thing that took your squadron and turned it against not only your own nation, but ours as well.”

Gunter remained silent. When Princess Celestia paused, the ambassador spoke.

“I remember our correspondence, and the reason I’m here - and probably the reason Commander Gunter is here as well - is regarding why you believe that our own squadron would turn like that.”

“Exactly, Ambassador. We sent guards into the woods to investigate after you lost contact with your squadron. It was during our investigations when our guards were attacked.

“And you’re positive it wasn’t the natural forest predators that were responsible for these attacks?”
Celestia nodded.

“Several of the guards have seen griffins carrying some kind of weapon that went through our Unicorn guard’s shields, killing three of our own.”

“No one in the squad has anything like what you describe. In fact, I don't think anybody in the world would have something like that, either.

“Those weapons came from another world, Ambassador, the same world where whoever turned your squadron came from.” Luna interjected as her horn glowed with her magic.

I heard the door locks release on our door. It’s show time.

The girls took the lead as Twilight pushed the doors open. I could tell by the looks on their faces that they didn’t know what to make of me. While Chaplin watched me in amazement, Gunter looked on with wary eyes, much like a new watch commander eyeing new recruits. Only Gunter didn’t know what I was fully capable of.

“Chaplin and Gunter, these six ponies are the Elements of Harmony. And if you’re wondering, this is what we call a human being. Specifically, his name is Max Payne. The reason he’s here with us in our world is because he’s also linked to the weapons we’ve been discussing, and he may very well be linked to whoever is now in charge of the squad.” Celestia said.

Gunter never took his eyes off of me, and I didn’t take my eyes off him as we stared into each other as if trying to see into each other’s souls to find whatever secrets we were after.

“Ha! You mean to tell us that my squadron is under the leadership of a…human being? My squadron isn’t stupid enough to go against my commanders to follow a creature as ghastly as this!” Gunter said, his eyes narrowing at me as he continued his rant.

“Does your squadron respond to someone being made an example of right in front of them?” I asked.
Gunter raised an eyebrow as he huffed.

“I ask because one of your squad leaders was made an example of by the human who’s now in control.”

I started flipping through the files to get to the images I wanted as Gunter composed his response.

“What kind of example?” Gunter asked.

“The kind where he was brutally tortured and killed in front of your entire squad.”

I dropped the photos Celestia’s guards took of the commander at the scene. Chaplin recoiled immediately and Gunter had a shocked look on his face as he saw what was there.

“You mean that a human did this to Commander Caine?” Chaplin asked.

“Absolutely. By the way Commander Caine was tortured mercilessly, there’s no other explanation.”

I watched the two griffins carefully. Gunter seemed to be on autopilot as he stared at the photos of Commander Caine’s lifeless body.

“My world isn’t like yours. We’re not about love, peace, and harmony. Most of the time, we’re in conflict with one another. We’re much more likely to solve our problems violently, sometimes killing each other to achieve our goals. Killing our own with tools like these…”

I reached into my coat and drew my Beretta for the griffins to see. As I expected, Gunter didn’t seem impressed.

“A tool? That’s used to end lives? It looks like a child’s toy!”

“Have you ever heard the saying “It’s not the size that matters, but how you use it?”” I asked.

The euphemism apparently meant the same thing here as it did back home as I heard some snickering coming from the girls. Clearly, my Beretta wasn’t going to make my point. Time for the big guns.

I flipped the safety back on the gun and turned to the Princesses.

“Princess, could you hold this for a minute?”

“Of course, Max…”

The gun was enveloped in a blue glow and lifted out of my hand as I walked over to one of the crates I opened earlier. I grabbed the AK-47 and yanked the magazine out of it to ensure it was empty before a slid it back into the rifle. I held it from the top, purposefully not putting my hands on the grips as I walked back over to the group with it.

“One thing my kind knows how to do is how to efficiently kill one another. What I just showed you is a handgun. This is a rifle, and it’s designed to kill at a much farther distance than the handgun.”

I could see the look on Gunter’s face. He may be a different species than me, but I’ve seen that same expression countless times. Now to show him my point.

“Here Commander, hold this…”

I shove the rifle right in his face, watching his reaction go from doubt to surprise. I don’t even give him a chance to refuse as I let go of the rifle. One of two things was going to happen: it was going to drop to the ground, or he was going to grab it.

I stepped back after I dropped it to see which was going to happen. Gunter wasn’t pleased…

“Mr. Payne, what are you trying to prove with this? That these silly instruments of yours are being used by my griffins to…kill ponies?”

“Well Commander, you’ve already proved part of that right now.”

The anger on the commander’s face changed to one of confusion as he raised an eyebrow.

“What are you talking about, Mr. Payne?”

“You’re holding it exactly the way you’re supposed to…”

The commander looked down at the weapon I put in his claws. His left claw wrapped around the hand guard, and his right claw was wrapped around the grip with the trigger: exactly the way you’re supposed to.

“When I grabbed that AK, I made sure not to hold it the way I was supposed to for this reason. You instinctively wielded it correctly, so that further proves that you griffins could operate these rifles.”

The stunned look that Chaplin had slowly made its appearance on the commander’s face. As the realization was sinking in, I went back to my still floating Beretta and grabbed it out of Luna’s magic.

“Thank you, princess. Now it’s time for the demonstration.”

“Oh terrific! I’ll go get it!” Twilight said before she ran off towards the door.

Her enthusiasm broke the tension in the room, making the griffins a little confused about what was now in store for them.

“Now a gun doesn’t kill by itself. It’s what it fires that does the killing.”

I grabbed an extra magazine for my Beretta off my belt and thumbed a round out to show them. The girls and the griffins gathered around to take a look. I can already see the skepticism in Gunter’s face as he looked over the bullet.

“This little thing is going to show you how grave this situation really is.”

Before they could respond, Twilight came back into the room with a nearly lifelike pony figure. She was practically beaming with happiness. It made me question if she really knew what would happen next.

The detail on the figure itself made Fluttershy and Rainbow nervous, since they’ve seen what I had to do last night. Now it was going to happen on something that if I didn’t know any better was a real life pony.

“Um Twilight…are you sure about this?” I heard Applejack whisper.

“Of course, Applejack. This is a one hundred percent accurate and lifelike figure of pony, down to the anatomy and my magic powered simulated circulatory system.” Twilight answered with a smile.

“Uh, but Twi…never mind.” Fluttershy said, knowing the demonstration was about to begin.

The procedure for something like this is treat it like a band-aid, quick and fast, and deal with the pain immediately instead of dragging it out. I haven’t reloaded my Beretta since last night so I know I have three rounds left in my magazine, and all three are going to find a home in this analog dummy.

“Now watch what those little bullets do to this pony dummy.”

I cocked the hammer back as I took aim at the dummy across the room. I felt time slow down as that familiar white dot appeared where I wanted my shots to go. I only had three bullets, so I had to make them count. I positioned that dot right at the chest area and pulled the trigger.

The gun kicked in my hand as a ball of fire erupted out the end of the barrel and the bullet sped towards its intended target, the shell casing flying off in a slow tumble to my right as the slide clicked back into chamber the next round. I moved the dot up to the dummy’s neck before the first bullet even made contact and pulled the trigger a second time.

My focus went to the dummy as the gun sent the second round downrange to its target, the first round striking where I guessed the heart was. Judging by the damage the bullets were doing, I knew my point would come across emphatically. The flesh tore and deformed around the impact zone at the same time the substitute blood started coming out of the wound. The whole figure shuddered from the hit, threatening to topple over, but held its footing long enough for the second round to tear into its’ neck. More blood spurted from the new hole in the neck as the analog shook again with the impact. A large splatter of red painted the wall nearby as chunks of material flew off and hit the floor with a wet slap.

And I was saving the best for last.

I put the little white dot on the head of the analog and fired the last round in the magazine. The slide went back and locked in the open position as the casing arched out in another slow twirl out of my line of sight. This was most likely going to be the goriest wound of the trio, and the one to really cement to these griffins that these “toys” to them were handheld death. The last round impacted the side of the head and sure enough, the wound sprayed bits of analog and what I’d imagine was Twilight’s simulated brain matter against the wall in a red and grey mess. That last shot finally proved to be too much for the analog and it fell over on its left side, its magic powered heart still pumping its fake blood out of the open wounds I put in it.

The entire room was bathed in silence. I turned back to face the group and was greeted by several surprised faces. Rarity wasn’t even standing anymore and Fluttershy was trying to get her to wake up. The griffins were equally stunned by what they witnessed. The Princesses tried their best to keep a neutral face, but I could tell Luna was fighting off the impending shock of the demonstration a little more than her sister was. Perhaps violence isn’t something new in this land. Maybe it’s been dormant for millennia. Who knows?

“Twilight?” I heard Rainbow whisper.

“Yes, Rainbow Dash?”

“WHAT IN THE HAY IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?” she screamed at her.

Rainbow’s outburst made those around her take an involuntary step away from the screaming Pegasus.

“DIDN’T YOU KNOW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THAT DUMMY?!?!”

“I wanted it to be realistic! Max said that an accurate depiction was crucial!”

“A MAGIC POWERED HEART?!?”

“OK, I may have gotten a little carried away…”

“A LITTLE?!?!” all the girls asked at once.

“Girls, now’s not the time for this…” I interrupted.

“I have to agree with Max. While the demonstration was a little more…graphic than I expected, arguing isn’t going to change the result. Besides, I think you’ve gotten the point across, didn’t you Max?” Luna asked.

The two griffins were still shocked from what they witnessed. Gunter was now eyeing that shell casing and the dummy like his life depended on it, but ironically, it was Chaplin who spoke first.

“But, why…”

“Why did I go through all of this to show you two?”

Chaplin slowly nodded. I figured now was when the explanation would wrap all this up in a neat little bow, complete with an analog dummy bleeding out against the wall.

“Because where I’m from, you don’t send two guys to admit to all the crimes their group is being accused of. You were sent here to deny that they went rogue and have no ties to your nation anymore. Am I right so far?”

Chaplin looked at Gunter, whose head still hung low before he turned back to me and nodded sadly.

“So I had to show you that this wasn’t a game, that this wasn’t something you can pass off as an isolated incident and expect it to all go smoothly. Three ponies are dead. You’ve seen firsthand what a handgun can do. Imagine the power of that AK. These weapons are deadly, and now your entire squadron has them and they’re listening to a complete madman. And I want to know why.”

I paused so I could put my now empty Beretta back in its holster. Since I emptied it into the analog, I’d been holding it and waving it around like it was part of my hand.

“That’s not to say all of your men have turned against you. It’s rare that an entire group would turn their backs and follow a complete stranger. But the fate of those who didn’t turn is also in the balance. If they killed three guards and one of their own commanders, then who knows what has or will happen to them.”

Chaplin nodded slowly before he turned to Gunter, who was still in his daze. A light elbow to his side stirred the commander out of his thoughts as he looked at Chaplin.

“For the record, I didn’t think this would happen…” Gunter said as he pulled the folder from the crook of his wing.
He extended it out to me. I took it carefully from him before Chaplin started talking.

“The commander of this expedition was Caine, one of our best leaders. However, this squadron was made up of soldiers with disciplinary issues…”

I flipped the folder open and sure enough, there was a laundry list of violations on the page. I flipped to the next page and saw an even longer list. Each one of the 165 griffins in the squad had a lengthy rap sheet, longer than what the DEA made for me so I could infiltrate the Punchinello crime family.

“Caine insisted we make this squadron of all of our troublemakers and delinquents. He believed he could straighten them out. Those around him didn’t think it was possible.” Chaplin continued.

“Caine’s Mutineers was the name I heard other commanders calling it.” Gunter chimed in.

Once again, a tie in to my world’s cinema: The Caine Mutiny…I couldn’t make this shit up…

“It was his idea to take them out into a neighboring land and “survive” for a month together, taking a page out of Princess Celestia’s policies and hoping the friendship and harmony prevalent in Equestria would make them bond together, forget their criminal ways, and become the squadron they were supposed to be.” Chaplin continued.

“But you didn’t believe him?” I asked.

“I was skeptical, but hopeful he could pull it off. After all, my daughter’s in that squadron…” Gunter said.

“Wait, Gilda is there with these lunatics?” Rainbow interrupted.

“Unfortunately, yes. The falling out between you two was just the tip of the iceberg. But I was hoping that she would be able to give us updates on how Caine was progressing. But none of our couriers ever came back after the second week.”

“Commander, what do you mean none of your couriers?” Celestia asked. “You only made us aware of two, unless… ”

“Two was the official number we sent.” Gunter said in an uneasy voice.

“And unofficially?”

“Ten…”

“You sent ten couriers?” Luna asked.

“And I haven’t heard back from a single one. I know now that they’re most likely dead just because I was too stubborn to ask for help. Now I find out I could’ve gotten my own daughter in this crazy scheme to kill for this crazy individual…” Gunter’s voice trailed off as he looked out a window.

“Princess, Max, you have the Griffon kingdom’s full support in stopping these rogue members should it come down to…well.” Chaplin didn’t want to finish his sentence, but I knew what he was getting at.

One hundred and sixty-five rogue members of a squadron, heavily armed in the woods, under the control of a madman…you do the math.

“With me here, it may not come to that.” I answered, lying through my teeth.

Gunter turned to look at me. I could see the sorrow in his eyes. A sorrow I knew all too well from my own past.

“I can get to the bottom of this, but it’s not going to be pretty. As you’ve just witnessed with that demonstration, this person came from my world with the intent to terrorize and cause panic in this world. In my world, we deal with terrorism with swift, decisive violence.

Gunter turned to look at the analog dummy against the wall, then at the photos of commander Caine that was still on the floor by him and Chaplin. He took a deep breath and let it out as a sigh as he looked at Chaplin.

Chaplin gave him a nod and then they both turned to me.

“Mr. Payne, you have our blessing to do what you have to do to stop this squad.”

Gunter chimed in after Chaplin walked away.

“Max, I know what you have to do, but please, don’t hurt my daughter. Please.” Gunter pleaded.

There was no joy in his voice. There was no joy in any of this because they just signed the death warrants of their own kind. The only way for this to end was in bullets and bloodshed.

A leisurely stroll through the forest

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Max Payne and all related materials belonging to it are property of Rockstar Games

My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic belongs to Hasbro. I in no way make any profit from this story. This is a story of my own strange mind that I wish to share with the rest of you.

A special thanks to ATung231 for his awesome proof-reading for this chapter, which is now 20% cooler and more readable!

Payne-full Realization

By Ezbok58a

Chapter 7: A leisurely stroll through the forest

---1

“For the record, I didn’t think this would happen…”

Gunter’s words echoed in my head as the wind whipped past in the fast-growing evening sky. After the meeting, I was given the green light to go in and investigate the actual scene and see what else I could find on this new leader from my world. I was now on a chariot being flown to the clearing in the woods surrounding Tall Tale, only I wasn’t alone.

The princess insisted the element bearers come with me. I still didn’t know what Celestia was thinking and her sister didn’t say anything on the matter, yet all six were coming with me.

“Seriously Max, why couldn’t you make me do my thing on these…vests? They’re just so tacky in this color…” Rarity whined.

“Yeah, I can’t even use my wings. You know what it’s like for a Pegasus to not be able to fly? It’s UNBEARABLE!” Rainbow Dash said.

“They’re meant to save your life, not be pretty. Be glad you’re coming along at all, ‘cause if I had any say you’d all be back at the castle.”

To put my mind at ease, if only slightly, all six of them were wearing the bulletproof vests that were stockpiled in one of the crates. Rarity was tasked with tailoring it to fit a pony’s body, although she only had time to put in notches for Pegasus wings on four of the vests before we had to set off. And those four were currently worn by the guards that were pulling this chariot.
The vests weren’t the only thing that along for this trip. I found another Beretta in my spare chest holster and several 25-round magazines for my Berettas. I also had 5 bottles of Interfectum and a FN FAL.

With the unknown out in the woods waiting for us, I wasn’t going in with just two handguns. Hell, I didn’t want to head into the woods with six mares that had no idea of the hell they’re getting into with me either. I couldn’t pick and choose my battles. I never really had a chance to pick my battles. They just always sort of happened…and I had to be ready for when it went south.

And if past experience was any indicator, things definitely would go south.

We’d probably be setting down just at the start of evening, and I personally didn’t want to be in the woods after dark, mainly because of what happened last night with the timberwolves.

Twilight was furiously writing something on that scroll of hers she brought along. I couldn’t make out much of her explanation of the spell, but the gist of it was that she was modifying the protective spell to prevent bullets from penetrating it. Whether or not she made it work, she was going to stay at the chariot with the guards and her friends. They may have arrived with me, but I’ll be damned if I let them go investigating with me.

I didn’t think it was even possible for me to go investigate something without it devolving into a shootout. Apart from complaining about the vests, the trip was made in relative silence. I’d imagine the girls were still a little upset at the display I put on in the meeting room. Hell, I’d be upset too if I didn’t do it on a daily basis. I tried not to think about it, instead focusing on trying to understand Gunter’s meaning behind that line.

For the record, I didn’t think this would happen…

Didn’t think what would happen? That his band of misfits would betray him and go rogue? The brief look through the file he provided spoke to the contrary. Caine’s Mutineers… Jesus, could that be any more of an obvious clue that bad things were going to happen? That’s like naming a ship the Titanic or a blimp the Hindenburg…they already have a wonderful history by themselves. Why add to that mess?

The chariot banked left. We were at the scene and were now going in for a landing. I grabbed the FAL and did a quick check to make sure it was loaded and ready to go.

“Are you sure you’ll need that thing?” Applejack asked, worry in her voice.

“You can never be too sure.”

The guards pulled up and like a helicopter, brought us down gently into the clearing. I quickly made my way off the chariot and over to the guards on the ground. These guys knew this area as they were here investigating before I showed up.

“All right, where did you guys enter the forest?” I asked.

“We went in to our right. We didn’t make it far ‘til we found some crates…and shortly after, the shooting started…” He trailed off as the memories of that night started coming back to him.

“Got it. You stay here and make sure the girls stay here with you. Be ready to move if you hear gunfire.”

“What? We aren’t going with you?” Rainbow asked.

“But I fixed all these hideous vests just like you asked!” Rarity added.

“And I told you I didn’t want you coming along in the first place. This isn’t a job for the likes of you and I’ll be damned if I’m to blame for one of you getting shot. So do yourselves a favor and stay with the guards here.”

Many dejected faces stared back at me. Rainbow looked rather angry, but Twilight was rather indifferent.

“Do you think that spell of yours will work, Twilight?” I asked.

“I think so. It’s not a hard modification to do, but it will take a bit out of you when you do it.”

“You’re not even upset with going on this trip only to do nothing but sit here?” Rainbow asked.

“Max is right. This is way above our heads. You saw what happened to the analog dummy, not to mention the wolves last night. Do you really want to experience that again?”

Rainbow rubbed a hoof under her chin before letting out a sigh.

“No…”

“Then we’ll wait here ‘til Max gets back or gives us the all clear to join him.”

I let out a chuckle. The chances of that happening were slim to none and Twilight knew it. Being in this field was dangerous enough.

I started towards the wood line where the guard said he entered. I gave a look back at the group. Worry and uncertainty clouded their faces as they looked around…I took a deep breath and headed into the woods, my Beretta in my right hand and me holding the FAL by the hand guard with the left.

It didn’t take me long to find evidence of the struggle that occurred there. The ground was full of hoof prints and paw marks. The griffins had been coming back to get the crates if the drag marks were any indication. If they were dragging them instead of flying away with them, then that told me their camp was close…another reason to be quick.

The buzzing of insects was persistent as I swatted a few from my face and pressed further into the woods. Then it hit me…that smell.

I knew that smell.

Rotten decay…the smell of death was in the air. I was really glad the girls decided to listen to me and stay back. If they couldn’t handle a few wooden creatures getting blown to pieces and an analog dummy being shot apart, then there’s no way they could handle this.

I took a few cautious steps forward and I was at the tip of a ground that formed a shallow ditch in this part of the forest. The flies buzzed around with more intensity and the smell got stronger.

“Jesus Christ…”

I had found Gunter’s messengers…and more griffins lying dead at the bottom of the ditch. It further proved my theory that not all of the squadron turned, but now it didn’t matter as they were occupying this small space rotting away. I couldn’t help but think Gunter’s own daughter was somewhere in this mess, killed in an undignified way and disgracefully lying in a shallow ditch for the forest creatures to pick apart.

“God damn it.”

I took a knee and buried my nose into the crook of my left arm to stifle the smell. I counted 12 griffins in the ditch. Most of them had the courier bags the messengers would have, but the other two were just in their own feathers and fur. One of the bodies was fresh, less than a day old. It was possible that whoever was in charge only started executing those who didn’t join his band of psychotic mutineers at least two days ago. There might be hope for them yet. I just had to find them.

It turned out I didn’t have much time. Someone was approaching, judging by the sounds I was hearing. I glanced at the shallow grave again before I looked towards the source of the noises.

I quickly scanned the immediate area to figure out where to go to watch whoever’s approaching. I put my back to the largest tree I could find as I waited for the sounds to get closer. I quickly do a check on the FAL and make sure the safety’s off and it’s loaded. I didn’t know if I’d need to use it, but judging by the decaying bodies not far from me the chances of this group just going for a leisurely stroll through the forest were slim to none.

It didn’t take long for me to hear their voices…

“…look, all I’m saying is why in the name of Tartarus do we have to escort these problems to this remote area back where we first arrived just to get rid of them? Wouldn’t it be more practical to just do it at our camp and then dispose of them nearby?” one of the voices asked.

It was a gruff voice similar to the Mafia goons I’ve dealt with in my colorful history with the Punchinello crime family.

“Will you stop complaining already? You complained so much the last time you actually had the last one begging for me to slit their throat. That takes all the fun out of it!”

I didn’t even need the second voice to counter the first’s complaint to figure out that I just stumbled upon the next group going to be executed. The banter did give me a hint that I had to be quiet since their camp wasn’t far away. Saving this group could give me insight into the mentality or even the name of the nut job running this show. If my stealth abilities were good enough, I could pull this off without anyone getting shot. Judging by the volume, it’d take another minute ‘til I could see them reach the top of the ditch where I suspect they’d do the deed and shove the bodies onto the pile already there. Just like a few hitmen I’ve met…another unfortunate parallel to my world.

The two would-be executioners continued their small talk as they got closer…

“Well, sorry I took the fun out of killing him. He wasn’t any fun anyway. Then again I don’t think he ever was…”

“You knew him longer. Shame he didn’t come to our side. He would’ve been good at this.”

“You think so?”

“How should I know? He’s dead now…much like these three will soon be.”

With three griffins ready to be executed, I had to act fast. I thought about my approach, how I would approach and disable the two griffins from behind, and save the hostages in one fell swoop. Hopefully, the hostages wouldn’t inadvertently tip them off.

“Speaking of dead, you wonder why it’s three this time instead of one? You think we’ll be killing them in groups from now on?”

“Look, the thing wants to get rid of problems now, and these two changelings are a liability as it stands.”

Changelings? What the hell are changelings…and why are they part of this?

“Shame about little Miss Precious here...You had a good chance at staying alive but no, you had to go and cause a ruckus. Bad move, Gilda…”

Gilda…so the Commander’s daughter is still alive. Apparently, she’s a fighter. That’ll come in handy very soon.

“Shut it, chump! I’m not going to follow some crazy being and his suicide mission!” Gilda retorted.

“You see? It’s that attitude that leads to your current predicament.”

“Oh, look at you using big words…can you even spell “predicament”, dweeb?”

She definitely had a fire in her. I allowed myself to smirk as the group finally got close enough for me to take a peek without being seen.

The two griffins who were escorting the group had their backs to me, but I could see the rifles hanging from the straps around their neck. While the front claws of a griffin were more than capable of holding a firearm, they’re still four legged animals. This explains the lousy aim they had when shooting as they don’t normally move about on their hind legs. No matter what firearm they were using, they would spray bullets like a garden hose watering flowers.

On the ground they weren’t good shots, but I had a feeling that once they were airborne, they’d be better shots. That added another reason to not alert the entire camp. I then drew my attention to the three captives: Gilda, the daughter of Commander Gunter and the two “changelings”. They looked like an insect crossed with a pony with a somewhat hard black exterior shell, insect-like wings and for reasons I couldn’t understand, holes in their legs and horn. Now wasn’t the time to question what the hell they were, as whatever information they had on the rogue griffins required them to be alive and back at Canterlot to be safely questioned.

“Well it looks like our little journey is at an end, Gildie…I’d say it was fun but I’d be lying…” One of the guards said as I saw his one claw reach for something strapped to his chest…probably a knife.

It was now or never…

I cautiously stepped out from behind the tree with me looking down my FAL’s sights, aiming at the back of one of the guards. The expression on the three hostages consisted of their eyes going wide. When you’re about to be killed, you’re just glad to see someone else come into the picture, even if they have no intention of rescuing you.

“Don’t move.” I said.

Both the guards tensed ever so slightly and slowly turned their heads to look back at me and my rifle pointed at their backs.

“Is that really another one?” the griffin asked.

“No, it’s a figment of your imagination. Of course it’s another one, you featherbrain!”

“Cut the chatter. Turn around and face me, slowly…” I ordered.

The two guards slowly turned to face me. Sure enough, the one who I saw going for something on his chest was indeed going for a knife…a big one at that.

“What’s another thing like you doing here? The boss told us they were the only one...” the griffin asked.

“If you can call the boss only one…” the other griffin said.

“Shut up! Now drop your weapons before I drop you!” I barked.

My FAL pointed at them should have been enough coercion into surrender, but when you’ve had as many close calls as I have, shouting compliance is second nature.

“Are you here to save us?” one of the insect like creatures asked.

“Yes. You three, stand by me.”

The two insect creatures and Gilda quickly hurried over by me as the two guards finished taking the rifles off the slings around their necks. Both were still rather agitated at me ruining their job, but at least they weren’t shooting.

Then the worst possible thing that could happen happened.

“Rainbow, get back here! We’re supposed to stay in the clearing!”

“I can’t stay still, Twilight! Besides, I thought I heard something…”

“That’s not a valid excuse and you know it! You were with Max last night when the wolves attacked, and now you’re rushing off into danger again! Eww…what’s that smell?”

Remember what I said about my luck? Still holding true…

Twilight and Rainbow came through the same opening in the trees I did not moments ago and froze when they saw us. I was the only one who didn’t turn their head towards them. If I did, those Griffin guards would have turned the tables. I could already see their front arms twitch as they assessed the change.

“…Gilda?”

“Rainbow Dash?”

“Changelings?” Rainbow asked.

“NOW!” the guards said.

The two guards decided to stop listening to my threats and decided to take advantage of the situation. The one nearest me started to move his rifle over towards Rainbow and Twilight, while the one on the right tried to get his knife out of his sheath.

I went for the gun wielder first. I lunged and drove the stock of my own rifle into the side of the guard, which sent the AK flying from his grasp somewhere out of my view. The guard went down on his side, and I made sure he stayed down by rifle-butting his head. Before I could react, the one who was going for the knife tackled me from the right, sending me off his friend and rolling. We tumbled a bit and I used the momentum from that to fling him about ten feet off of me. As I started to get up, I saw him going for the AK I knocked out of his buddy’s claws. It was then I realized that my FAL was back by his unconscious buddy. It wouldn’t take him long to turn the tables on me, as it’d take me too long to draw either of my two Berettas.

If only those two had listened to me instead of wandering into the goddamn woods.

“Drop it, dweeb or I’ll drop you.”

The guard froze as his eyes looked back behind me. I didn’t need to look back to know the Commander’s daughter was holding my FAL and pointing it right at the guard. An uneasy silence settled onto the area, broken only by the buzzing of the flies on the mass grave.

“Oh, the commander’s daughter making empty threats again? You don’t have the stomach to use that weapon.”

“She doesn’t…but I do.”

The guard’s moment of surprise was what I needed to draw one of my Berettas out of my holster and point it at him. The Mexican standoff was now full circle.

“You pull that trigger cowboy, and the entire encampment will be raining death down on you and your little friends here.” The guard stated as I saw a bead of sweat drip down the side of his face.

“And you think if you shoot first that you’ll make it out alive? You’re going up shit creek without a paddle either way, beaky. Drop the gun now and maybe you’ll live.”

He wasn’t backing down.

The standoff continued, neither of us backing down. Then to the surprise of nobody but me, another wrench was thrown into the works.

“Twilight, Rainbow Dash…why did you run off like that? Didn’t you hear Max?”

“Good heavens, you two…and what is that smell?”

“HEY EVERYPONY, WHERE DID YOU GO? THAT WASN’T VERY NICE! PINKIE PIE WANTS EVERYONE TO BE NICE!”

Pinkie’s nails-on-a-chalkboard voice sparked action into the guard. He raised his AK towards the new arrivals. It was now or never. I fired only once, but once was enough. That weird slowed-down distortion soon enveloped my view as I pulled the trigger and saw the slow spinning bullet move through the air and impact the chest of the griffin guard. He tumbled to the ground with a hollow sounding thud, the rifle clattering away from his grasp.

The immediate threat was down, but the damage was done. The rest of Twilights friend’s just watched me end another being in front of them, and the proverbial dinner bell sounded the hungry wolves in the camp not far away. Now we had to get the hell out of here before the rest of the camp showed up to finish what the guards started.

“Max…what…I…” Twilight stammered.

“Shut up! I told you to stay in the goddamned clearing!”

“Hey, it’s not her fault! I wanted to make sure you were OK!” Rainbow spoke up.

“I didn’t ask for your help, birdbrain. This is why I wanted you to stay back.” I said, pointing at the dead griffin guard.

“Now get them to the fucking chariot and get ready to leave…NOW.”

The hurt look was apparent on their faces. Rainbow even stopped flying and joined her friends on the ground. My words hurt them more than I expected, but now wasn’t the time to play nice. I turned back towards Gilda and the two changelings and walked over to them.

I motioned to her that I wanted my rifle back. It took her a second to realize that and hand it back to me.

“Head back that way to the clearing, take this griffin guard with you, and let the chariot guards know to get ready to leave. Got it, Gilda?”

She looked at me, contemplating her situation and chances. It didn’t take her long to get the group of them moving towards the field, the unconscious guard on her back.

“What are you going to do?” she asked.

“I’m going to hold them off, give you guys time to leave.”

She looked like she was going to say something else, but was cut off by the sounds coming from deeper in the woods. The hunt was on.

“Go, now!”

The direness of the situation finally sunk into the group and they started hurrying back to the field. I put my Beretta back in its holster and moved to that same large tree I was hiding behind when the guards showed up. They were getting closer. I could start hearing the shouts of the griffin goons as they closed in…time to see if my previous assessment of their rifle-handling ability was correct. I took a deep breath and just listened, waiting for the sounds to approach me. I looked out from my cover and turned toward the approaching sounds, FAL at the ready.

I squeezed the trigger. As of now I wasn’t in an aiming mood but rather, a keep them back mood. Killing any of them would be a bonus.

The roar from my FAL caused the griffins to scatter for cover as rounds tore into the vegetation and a few who were too slow to get out of the way. I was surprised when I saw them returning fire just as quickly. I ducked back behind the tree as the edges got peppered with incoming rounds, chipping the bark and wood into painful flying splinters. I shielded my eyes as they worked at my cover. I looked back towards the clearing we came from and saw another large tree I could hide behind.

There was a momentary pause at the incoming fire. It was then that I made my move.

I took two steps out from my hiding spot and pushed off of my feet into a dive towards the new hiding spot. As I did, I was watching the woods where the incoming fire was coming from. The world slowed to a crawl, the noises became muted, and the colors washed out and faded. The white dot I’m so used to seeing when the world slows down reappeared, right where it always does. Now to give these griffins something to think about before they chase after me.

I saw one griffin step out of his cover and start rushing towards me. Big mistake. I squeezed the trigger and sent four rounds his way. One of his buddies also leaned out of cover to take a shot, so I sent another three rounds in his direction. One more decided to take a shot at me while out of cover, and I fired until I heard the telltale *click* telling me I’ve run out of rounds in the magazine. Lucky for me, I was just about to hit the ground by that tree I was heading for.

As soon as I touched the ground, the strange slow motion, muted volume, and washed out colors disappeared in an instant and I was back in real time at normal speed. I quickly got to my feet and put my back against the trunk of the tree as I yanked the empty magazine out and threw it on the ground. As I fished around for another FAL magazine, I heard the cries of those who were attacking.

My attacks did more damage than I had originally thought. As of that moment I believed all of those attacking me were now out of commission. I estimate I’ve eliminated five of them, but they had backup coming. I had two FAL magazines remaining, and little more for my Berettas. Factor in the chariot with the six ponies, two changelings, and Gilda, and I didn’t have the time or the resources to fight it out with these clowns. A tactical retreat was in order. I reloaded my FAL and racked the slide back. I checked on my attackers and, seeing no one trying to shoot me, I made a break for the clearing and the chariot.

Hopefully the girls had everything all set to leave in a hurry.

I could hear the commotion behind me. They were going to follow me out to the clearing eventually, but that couldn’t come soon enough. I could see the trees thinning out: the clearing was just yards away and the griffins’ shouts weren’t getting any closer. In a matter of moments I was in the clearing, and from the looks of it, the girls pulled through. They were all on the chariot with the three ex-prisoners and the one still-unconscious griffin guard. The royal guards were ready to depart, but they were just waiting on me to join them. I started motioning for them to start going. On the third wave of my arm, they finally understood and started moving to take off just as I jumped into the chariot with everyone else.

“Let’s pick up the pace!” I shouted

“Max, my goodness are you all right?” Twilight asked

“What the HELL were you doing in the woods?” I yelled at her.

“I was chasing after Rainbow Dash! She just flew in! I told her not to!”

“Hey, I don’t leave my friends hanging when they might be in trouble!”

“Rainbow, I’ve known you two days, and while your concern is much appreciated, if you do something that stupid again, I’ll knock you out.”

Rainbow remained silent as the guards lifted us into the air and we started heading back to the castle. I could understand her reasoning, even if it was foolish. I didn’t really have the heart to tear into her as I’ve done my fair share of dumb things with good intentions. I’ve only known these ponies for all of two days now, and I have to say these pastel creatures were indeed warming my heart. God knows I’ve been lacking a soul for the better part of five years, not nearly as long as I’ve been a drunk. They weren’t interested in power, money, and control, but rather, tolerance, love, and friendship. I couldn’t help but smile as I looked back at the group.

“Um Max, darling…why are you smiling?” Rarity asked.

“No reason, Rarity…no reason at all.”

“Oh that’s good, because THERE ARE GRIFFINS COMING UP OUT OF THE FOREST!!” she screamed.

In that moment, my happy look at the six ponies vanished and the usual misery returned as I looked out the back of the chariot. Four griffins came up out of the tree-line making a beeline for our still climbing chariot with their rifles held in their front claws. I looked back at the group, and realized they weren’t wearing their vests.

“Where the hell are your vests?”

“Oh, they’re being used as pillows for that unconscious griffin here.” Fluttershy said, motioning to the captured guard.

“You’re going to need them now a lot more than he is! Put them on and keep everyone down. Got it?”

“Got it!” they all said.

“Good…because it’s about to get real ugly real fast.”

I stayed low as I moved to the back of the chariot. I had to make sure I don’t inadvertently go skydiving while trying to protect not only the chariot, but the guards and the occupants. I saw attached on the rear of the chariot on my left was a rope, one end attached to the chariot and the other end looped and hung up. I figured this was for roping off the back of the chariot so the passengers don’t fall off. I used the other end of that rope to hook into my belt to stay tethered to the chariot.

While I was glad to be tethered to the chariot, I wasn’t glad to see the four rising griffins were now joined by four more. I’m sure the passengers weren’t going to like it, but I want to keep these guys from firing on us first, and that meant I’d have to shoot them before they got the chance. I started to aim my FAL on the nearest griffin when I got the shock of my life.

Seemingly out of nowhere, another griffin swooped up from somewhere under us. He wasn’t more than twenty yards away when he threw something at the chariot. I didn’t see what it was ‘til it left his grasp: a Molotov cocktail. How the hell do they know how to make a Molotov cocktail, and what the fuck did they use to light it?

The questions were coming at me just as fast as the cocktail, only the cocktail was much more dangerous. Time slowed to a crawl and everything became muted and washed out again…the white dot appeared in my line of sight, I aimed at the incoming bottle, and fired one shot. The bottle exploded into a giant ball of fire. I brought my arm up to block my eyes as the flash and heat wave washed over me. The chariot lurched as the guards pulling it moved at the sudden blast of heat they felt. As the ball of fire vanished into the atmosphere, I turned back to look at the passengers and saw Rarity finish putting her vest on. She was the last one, and all of them looked a little scared after that close call. I wasn’t positive the guards flying this thing would know what to do when to do it.

“Hey Rainbow!”

Rainbow’s ears perked up at the mention of her name. She looked eager to redeem her previous mistake.

“I need you to tell the guards what to do and when to do it. They can’t see what’s going on behind them!”

She lifted her right front hoof into a salute gesture before she spoke.

“I’m on it!”

“Good! The rest of you stay alert!”

As I turned back towards the fight, I saw the griffin had another molotov ready to hurl our way. Time to show him that playing with fire could be hazardous to your health. I took aim at the bottle, and fired.

The bottle in his claw exploded and within seconds, the liquid inside misted and caught the flaming rag that was once stuck in the top. The entire right half of his body was engulfed in fire, he stopped flapping his wings, and just plummeted straight down in a ball of fire, the only evidence of his being up here was the smoke trail that followed him down to the ground. I looked towards the other airborne pursuers, noticing that the two nearest ones had their rifles leveled in my direction.

I took a bead on the closest one and squeezed the trigger. As I fired, the griffin rolled and banked trying to avoid my incoming fire, and he nearly did. Two bullets grazed him, and another cleanly punched through his left wing causing him to lose some altitude and drop back, but he wasn’t completely out of the fight.

That attack prompted the remaining griffins to start taking pot shots at me.

“EVASIVE MANEUVERS, HARD RIGHT!” I heard Rainbow shout behind me…

The chariot banked into a hard right turn, which made the fast-closing griffins fly past us as they tried to follow the chariot. That pause gave me enough time to get a bead on the lead flyer as I fired another volley of lead right at him. Three rounds struck him in his torso and two more ripped into his wings. He dropped out of the sky right where I shot him. That left seven airborne pursuers after us, all of whom were opening fire at us.

I heard the crack and whizzing of the bullets as they flew past me as well as the telltale “plink” of a round striking the metal chariot. I felt the chariot lurch to one side as the Pegasus fliers executed another hard-banking turn, this time to the left. I had the feeling we were about to go into a serpentine pattern as I again aimed down the sight of my FAL. Another griffin flew across my crosshairs as I fired a few rounds. He juked in the sky trying to avoid them with no such luck as they tore into his left wing. I heard a strangled squawk from him before he too lost altitude and plummeted to the ground.

Another incoming burst of fire from the pursuers later, and I felt a stinging sensation in my left side. It just grazed me, but because I didn’t hear anything behind me, I assumed no one in the chariot was hit. Now it was time to get serious as I fired the remaining ammo across the sky in the general vicinity of the closing griffins. My blindfire forced them to drop back and dodge while I called back to Rainbow.

“Get us to the treetops!”

“What? Are you crazy?!?”

“JUST DO IT FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!”

There was a pause before she relayed the message to the guards.

“GET US TO TREETOP LEVEL! DIVE, DIVE, DIVE!!”

I had a minor moment of feeling weightless as the chariot practically dove straight down to treetop level. I was hoping we could use this added speed to gain distance on the griffins, but this also made it much more dangerous for both of us as there’s now no recovery room should we be unable to fly. I yanked the empty magazine and grabbed one of the two remaining FAL magazines and smacked it into the rifle. I racked the bolt just as we pulled up right above the trees. I immediately took a bead on the diving griffins and fired a burst. The three rounds went wide of their target as I soon heard the whizzing and cracking of incoming rounds yet again.

I felt a sharp pain in my right leg that caused me to lose my upright position. I was hit. I started to fall to the floor of the chariot as the colors faded and the sound became muted. That familiar feeling was back, and I was going to make the most of it before it wore off. The white dot appeared at the nearest griffin. I could see the incoming shockwaves rippling off of the rounds he was firing as I squeezed the trigger.

The slow and repetitive jump of the weapon in my grip reverberated through me as I sent three rounds towards him. I didn’t pay attention after that as I aimed at the next griffin and fired another burst. Another shock went through me as I impacted the floor of the chariot, the slight jolt made me pause in my firing to see the rounds I fired tear into the griffins. They both tumbled like ragdolls, out of the fight. The colors started to brighten, a sign that whatever mode I was in was coming to an end. I saw three more griffins bearing down on us and I had to keep them from doing more damage.

I started firing at the remaining three haphazardly. As a result, I saw my rounds only take out one griffin. The colors all returned, the sounds came back full volume and I was back in the present time, getting shot at by some deranged griffins.

They remaining two broke level at the tree tops some 30 yards behind us. One of them was previously wounded by my shots earlier so he was further back and less of a threat. But his friend wasn’t as considerate. As he fired again, I could hear the clatter of his rifle as I heard the incoming rounds blitz past me. Thankfully, they weren’t that good a shot flying anymore then they were on the ground. We both kept serpentine maneuvers, each taking potshots at the other but neither actually scoring a hit. I never actually looked behind me after we hit treetop level so I had no idea if I’d actually kept anyone alive. Hopefully my odds were better than usual.

The griffin decided on the sixth or so maneuver to stop with the zigzagging and just come straight at us, firing directly at us. I depressed the trigger and held it there…and suddenly the world suddenly slowed to a crawl. The only thing I could hear was the muffled firing of my rifle and the spent shell casings ejecting from my FAL. My vision went from my own to a third person view, focused on the barrel of the rifle as it followed a round as it exited in a flash of fire…it was slow enough I can literally see the spin of the bullet as it passed my view. But my strange third person view started following that bullet as the slow-motion world started to return back to normal speed just as that bullet I was following crashed into the chest of the griffin I was shooting at. I saw three more rounds impact the griffin as this view stayed on him, following his dropping of the rifle in his front claws as the life left him and he started plunging towards the ground.

I didn’t get to see anything after that as the world seemingly flashed and I was once again back to where I was, seeing out of my eyes, and laying on the floor of the chariot with a stinging burn on my left arm and an extreme pain in my right thigh. The last flying griffin held off on further pursuit. I imagined he’d rather report this to their leader than die like his buddies. Once the adrenaline wore off, I checked myself for more wounds. I dug my hand into my front pocket and grabbed one of the pill bottles I had brought.

With practiced skill, I removed the lid and downed the entire bottle in mere seconds. A practice I’ve done countless times throughout the years, something that was as much a part of me as this bizarre situation of time slowing to a crawl at certain points in a gun battle. I couldn’t explain it; it just was the way it was. I was still focusing on the pain killers doing their work that I almost didn’t notice Twilight was standing over me, concerned for my well being.

“Max, oh my gosh are you alright?”

“I’ve felt worse.”

The pain in my thigh and arm subsided quickly as it always did. I untethered myself from the chariot before I looked at the rest of the interior compartment. The floor was pockmarked with hits and grazes from incoming fire but more worryingly, there was a growing pool of blood from where the group was huddled at the front of the chariot. My eyes quickly scanned the still frightened figures, and then my eyes fell on Fluttershy and how still she was. No one else seemed hurt, but even one pony being hurt tore at something deep down that I once thought was gone. The possibility of Fluttershy being seriously hurt was heart-wrenching.

I quickly made my way towards her. I saw her unconscious body and the impact on her vest, both of which started to make me worry. I carefully removed the vest from her and checked. There was a hushed silence as I checked on her. The round didn’t penetrate, thankfully.

“Max…is she?” Twilight asked cautiously.

“She’ll be OK. Bruised, but OK.”

I held Fluttershy’s now removed vest to show the group the damage it had incurred.

“This is why I wanted you to wear them. I don’t care how many fashion rules it breaks. It’s meant to keep you alive, you understand?”

I was more directing this little speech to Rarity over her little fuss she made before we landed. Her fashion sense was overriding her common sense in that case. I was positive that given enough time, she’d make a bulletproof vest fashionable, but right now, I was glad to see all six ponies were all right.

“Um, Max…where is that coming from?” Rarity asked, her hoof pointing at a pool of blood.

Fluttershy didn’t have any other wounds besides the bruising where she was hit, and the three rescued hostages were all alert…that left the griffin guard. He was positioned in an upright seated position. When I nudged him, he slumped over, smearing a lot of blood against the upright section of the chariot.

“Well, I think that solves that one…” Rarity said.

“You mean he’s…” Applejack started to speak.

“Dead? Yeah, he’s pretty much dead.” I said.

“We have to do something!” Twilight pleaded.

“Do what? You can’t revive him…can you?” I asked.

Twilight let out a sigh as she dipped her head low.

“Not that I know of, and honestly I’d rather not delve into that possibility.”

“Well, I can move him to the other side of the chariot so it’s out of the way…”

I was interrupted by Pinkie Pie poking me in my right leg with her hoof.

“What?”

“Is there any magic in your world?” Pinkie asked.

“Why?”

“I ask because I’m pretty sure I saw you get hit like that demonstration you showed us, only there’s nothing wrong with you now. So, is there magic in your world?”

I looked from Pinkie to my thigh. Surprisingly, there was absolutely no evidence of me being shot, and I grabbed my left arm feeling for the graze I also received, only to also find nothing.

“There isn’t any “magic” in my world, just these pills which help deal with the pain. But they usually don’t heal bullet wounds instantly.” I calmly stated.

“Ooh…we have a mystery now!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“Yeah…great….” This is just what I needed in this world: more unexplainable shit.

“Look, Max, we’ll figure it out once we get back to the Castle.” Twilight said.

“That’s what I’m afraid of. I’ve had enough shocks in two days to last a lifetime…however short it will end up being.”

“Don’t talk like that. It’s not healthy.” Applejack added

“Can we not discuss this now over an unconscious pony, a dead griffin and three rescued prisoners, please? I need a drink like you wouldn’t believe…”

“Yeah…I’ll bet…” Rainbow added quietly.

“Well, we should probably attend to Fluttershy anyway…” Rarity said.

“Yeah, make sure she gets to see a doctor once we get back.”

And just like that, the quiet yet somber ambience enveloped the chariot. The girls hung around Fluttershy while I stayed with the dead griffin and the three prisoners. The quiet didn’t last long.

“Hey…can we ask you something?” one of the changeling things asked with a slight buzzing reverberation in their speech.

“Why not? None of you have said anything since I rescued you.”

“Yes, thanks for that by the way…”

“You’re welcome.”

“Right… anyway, what’s going to happen to us?”

I picked up on what the strange pony-like creature was asking.

“Well, you’ll be treated for any injuries, and after that you’ll be put into a room where we’ll have a conversation on this whole mess.”

“Couldn’t you just ask us now? Why wait ‘til we get back to the Castle?” Gilda asked that time.

“One, because this is the way I’m used to doing it. And two, so this way there’s an actual record of what you say…Something that will come in handy down the line.”

“But…we aren’t really welcomed back at the castle…” one of the Changelings said.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Besides, I’d rather you all be looked over before I get to talk to you. I’m willing to bet you weren’t coming from ideal conditions yourselves either, before they took you out to kill you.”

“We really don’t have a choice, do we?”

“No, you don’t.”

The changeling creatures let out a sigh as they went quiet. It was the most peace I had since the firefight. Now there was nothing but quiet as we headed home. I was concerned about a few issues though: the Interfectum’s healing qualities that Pinkie pointed out, the dead guard, and Fluttershy remaining unconscious. That bothered me the most. The hit she took would hurt like hell, but she shouldn’t be unconscious…unless she fainted, which up until now I didn’t even consider.

It seems I was stuck thinking of that for long enough that I hardly realized we were landing on Castle grounds. There were a number of castle guards on the ground, as well as both Princesses waiting for us. I hoped they wouldn’t be too mad at the state of their chariot. The guards pulling us did a fantastic job of setting us down as gently as possible and by the time we came to a stop, the Princesses were right there to greet us.

“Max, how was the…” Celestia trailed off as she noticed the state of the chariot, and the dead griffin at my feet.

“Honestly, it could’ve gone better.”

I disembarked and grabbed my FAL off the floor of the chariot before I motioned for the three prisoners to get out.

“These three were going to get executed, but I managed to prevent that and bring them back. See to it they’re taken care of and get them ready for my interrogation later on. Also, get a doctor to look over Fluttershy. She took a hit in the vest on the way back and she’s been out ever since. Oh, and this…”

I motioned at the dead griffin.

“…get the commander to figure out what to do with it.”

“Oh my…what happened?” Celestia asked.

“I’ll fill you in later on. Right now I need a drink.”

With that, I walked off back to the room where I last saw the alcohol. After all I went through, I damn sure needed it.

Celestia and Luna just stared as I walked off towards Canterlot, leaving them there with a damaged chariot, an unconscious Fluttershy, a dead griffin, two changelings and the commander’s daughter. And not one of those was an answer to any of their questions.

“Are you sure about this, Luna?” Celestia asked.

“Yes sister, I am. He’s the perfect one for this situation…although his methods and actions are rather…crude.”

“Crude is an understatement.” Applejack added as she and the rest of the elements gathered around the two Princesses.

Fluttershy was actually on her feet, which given what I just told them was rather surprising.

“Fluttershy, dear are you alright?” Celestia asked.

“Oh, I’m OK…sore, but that’s about it.”

“But Max said you fainted.”

“Oh he did? I’m sorry. I guess I might have when I felt that thing hit the vest he insisted we wear…I’m kind of grateful that he made us wear those vests, given what he showed us earlier.”

“So, that’s it?” Celestia asked.

“Well, he does want the three we rescued to be taken care of and treated before he talks to them…I’d imagine he’d want you two to be there when he does that.” Twilight said.

“Very well. I’ll have them all taken care of so he can talk to them later.”

“Another thing, princess…Max was hit when we were trying to escape the woods. That’s how the chariot got so damaged and that griffin got…well…killed.”

Luna raised an eyebrow.

“But he looked perfectly fine just now…”

“Yes, but we all saw him get hit. And it was just as graphic as the demonstration he showed us all earlier. But then he took those pills he carries and everything was fine again.”

“I…see.” Celestia gave a curious glance to her sister, which mirrored her own.

“Also…I’m not sure how, but there was a moment when we were under attack, where everything seemed to slow down to a crawl.”

“I noticed that too. The sounds became muted as well…” Rarity added.

“And the colors faded to gray now that I think of it.” Pinkie Pie added.

“Hmm, that is interesting.” Luna said, earning another curious look from her sister.

“Does this mean anything? Should it be something we should worry about?” Twilight asked.

“That I cannot answer at this time, Twilight, but I will look into it. For now, why don’t you and your friends go get some rest? I’ll have one of our guards come get you when it’s time for the interrogation.”

“Thank you, princess.”

The six friends walked off towards the Castle. Not far behind them were the refugees. The two sisters watched them head inside before Celestia turned toward her sister.

“You knew about this the whole time didn’t you?”

“I had a hunch. Surely you felt the same thing I did during his demonstration earlier. That’s part of why he’s here.”

“And what’s the other reason he’s here? Are you going to tell him that?”

“No.”

“Luna, this is very dangerous situation. Why are you not going to tell him?”

“Because sister, in a few moments he’s going to know everything about what’s in my mind as pure conjecture. And by then, both his and my understandings of this thing, or “human”, are going to be much, much clearer.”