The Great and Powerful Trixie gets a job at Donut Joe's
Closing up his donut shop following the Grand Galloping Gala, Donut Joe discovers a Great and Powerful Trixie in need of food and bits. Needing help attracting crowds and waiting tables Donut Joe hires the show mare. Can Canterlot withstand Equestria's Greatest Ego?
“Trixie! Order Up!” ‘The Most Average Night Ever’ By King of Malta
“How about…’I don’t always eat donuts…but when I do I go to Donut Joe’s!” Donut Joe asked to no pony in particular, except perhaps his chalkboard sign.
Princess Celestia herself had been tastefully marked onto its surface in several vivid shades of chalk and for once Donut Joe appreciated an art for that wasn’t confectionary based. Still, there was just one thing that was literally missing from his new advertising sign, the large speech bubble emitting from Her Majesty’s’ mouth remained blank and avoid of the strokes of script that passed for a written language in Equestria. He squinted at the chalkboard, a piece of white chalk held afloat in midair. He seemed to start suddenly, his mouth opened as if to say the words that would end his dilemma, but instead all that emerged was an angry growl. His eyebrows furrowed as the magic wavered around the chalk and he dropped it onto the table.
“No, no, no!” a frustrated yell escaped him, “That’ll never catch on!”
Donut Joe had good reason to be angry with himself, the more he stalled the closer his business came to falling flat on its face. This was the night of the Grand Galloping Gala, when ponies from across Equestria gathered in Canterlot for the year’s most swanky party held by the upper crust of Equestria. Only a select few ever managed to snag tickets to the Gala and they either had royal blood, large amounts of dough (as in bits), or had performed some great feat of friendship that literally saved Equestria from unending night or unending bad hair days. It was notorious amongst the ‘Average Joe Ponies’ of Canterlot. Anypony who thought being on the crumbly, upper bit of a sandwich was a good thing swarmed outside the gates of the party to catch a glimpse of Aristoponies eating caviar and gossiping. Ponies who lived outside of Canterlot imagined the Gala as being a wondrous occasion where all their dreams would come true in one magical night.
Donut Joe having had lived in Canterlot for several years after moving to the city from Manehatten when he was a young colt had also had those same notions about the Grand Galloping Gala. He had soon learned that the Gala popped dreams as just as well as a Unicorn’s horn could pop a balloon. Of course, Ponies knew from common sense not to get poked by a Unicorn’s horn, no Pony had learned to avoid the Grand Galloping Gala yet.
Donut Joe’s bakery and coffee shop often enough catered to the students of the prestigious schools Of Canterlot, the Royal Guard, tourists visiting the city, and the servants of the ‘oh-so-classy-his-donuts-were-as-good-as-dirt-to-touch-their-tastebuds’ Nobility. On the night of the Grand Galloping Gala his shop often enough received the business of those dejected ponies that had not bitten into the Gala and realized that the donut was stale. While Donut Joe often hoped that it was the smell of his donuts wafting through the night air to the tallest spires of Canterlot that attracted these customers it was more likely because his shop sat closest to the lower gates of the royal castle and he kept late hours. REALLY late hours.
The dejected would sit around for hours and mope about how their night had been ‘THE WORST NIGHT EVER!’ and how they were good enough for the gala and that they would be back next year. He was proud of his special talent for baking donuts and on the night of the Grand Galloping Gala he tried not to think that his donut shop was a place for dreams to die. This night though had been different. It had been an OK night.
The night had started out the same with him hearing the moaning and groaning of those ponies that didn’t have tickets to the gala and who had just sat at the main gate to the castle admiring all the pretty, arty Ponies. Donut Joe had cantered all night around the shop balancing donuts and hot coffee with his magic and hooves, he normally managed, but his body had gone one way and his mind another way while listening to dozens of complaining Ponies who wanted his ear and his donuts. A few had needed ice blocks to sit on, not because of his coffee, but because they were Ponies that had tried to sneak into the Grand Galloping Gala only to have their flanks handed to them by the Royal Guard. When Errant Hoof of the Royal Guard had arrived from the Gala to pick up the late donut order for the night’s security detail the whiners had cleared out covering their flanks.
Erramt Hoof had just stayed long enough to complain about his shift having had drawn the short straw to guard the inner halls of the castle and listen to the never ending complaints from the high class Ponies. They had apparently gone one and on about how their hooves hurt or demanded the Royal Guard to fetch them drinks. Though, Errant Hoof had mentioned hearing some groovy music coming from the main ballroom as he left to pick up the donut order.
Donut Joe had been surprised by the arrival of Spike the Dragon after not seeing the little guy for nearly a year. Spike and Twilight Sparkle had been two of his best customers, Spike always mentioned how much he loved his donuts and Twilight Sparkle not only was polite, but cleaned up her table! Donut Joe had learned a few days after he had last seen the pair of their involvement with Nightmare Moon, the Elements of Harmony, and Princess Luna. Of the Moon Princess over the last year he had seen her as she cantered through the empty streets of Canterlot at the dead of night.
Spike had greeted him with a sour mood and had just grumbled orders for more donuts for what seemed like hours after that. Spike had ordered coffee to go with his donuts but as always Donut Joe had slipped him hot chocolate instead, Twilight had been right that Spike couldn’t tell the difference. Donut Joe had tried to use what he considered to be his second special talent, small talk, to find out what had made his donut go soggy, but he had got no verbal answer beyond Spike’s grumbling and hissing. It had been when Spike had crumbled up what looked like a ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala that Donut Joe had what had been bothering the little guy.
After a Donut Joe’s Dozen of Donuts were devoured by Spike, Donut Joe had been on the verge of intervening baker-style when lo and behold Twilight Sparkle herself stepped into his shop, along with five other ragged looking mares. He had barely believed that the bookworm Unicorn that had never left Canterlot before had managed to not only go to a small place like Ponyville, but save all of Equestria from eternal night. Not to mention make friends in the process. Donut Joe had kept an ear open towards the group as he catered to his last few customers he couldn’t help but feel sorry for each of the mares as they told how their dreams were crushed. He had been thrown through a donut hole when he heard how each of them had decided that instead of moaning about their night and pinning for a second chance had realized that they much preferred each other’s friendship compared to the Gala. Had the Gala’s siren song been defeated?
The surprises had not ended there of course, not by a long shot. His mind had barely managed to squeeze around what had happened next.
Princess Celestia. In HIS donut shop. Princess. Celestia. In. His. Donut. Shop. Eating. His. Donuts. Serving the eldest Princess of all Equestria free donuts was an honor to itself, but that he could now brag about it in advertisement that she had graced his shop and eaten his donuts was something much, much more! The Princess had arrived at his own personal business and partaken in the donuts that he had hoof-kneaded and baked with the care of his art! Princess Celestia had loved his donuts and Everypony loved Princess Celestia, therefore by laws of association Everypony would love his donuts when they found out. The Ponies of Equestria NEEDED to find out. After the Princess and Twilight Sparkle and her friends had left Donut Joe had quickly closed shop and began brainstorming on the perfect ad to grab the greatest attention.
After several hours of blank thought Donut Joe had only succeeded in making his head hurt even more then it had before. He shook his head and looked over at the wall clock the time was well past midnight and well past when he normally closed up shop. His bleary eyes looked around and also realized from the crumbs, napkins, and sprinkles scattered across the floor that while Twilight Sparkle may be a neat freak none of her friends were.
“Better get this cleaned up. Gotta open up bright and early tomorrow.” He yawned as he rubbed a hoof to his eye.
Donut Joe decided to leave the chalk sign where it was, he would think about an advertisement on his way home, and immediately went to work using his magic on a small broom and dustpan. After what seemed like another hour the tables and floors weren’t exactly sparkling, but to his opinion a Pony could definitely eat off either just fine. He supposed that Twilight’s pink friend wouldn’t be too disturbed if she came back. He swept every bit of dust and crumb into a single trash bag and levitated it as he walked behind the counter, through the back room kitchen and to a solid wooden doorway that lead to an alley behind his shop. He pushed the doorway open with his magic and walked out into the cool night, the only light in the alley being the light from his kitchen and a lamp several meters away at the end of the alley. Normally, when he walked out into the alley it was a large, unidentifiable stain on the opposite brick wall that he swore sometimes looked like his great-great-great aunt that grabbed his attention, but this time it had been something else.
This time it had been the shape standing in his dumpster.
“Damn raccoons!” Donut Joe growled as he used his magic to hurl the trash bag at the shape which the light of his magic only revealed to be a brilliant azure coated unicorn at the last possible moment before the bag impacted against the stunned mare’s face. The sound of tearing plastic echoed perfectly in the tight alleyway as the Unicorn’s horn split open the bag and spilled its contents all over her.
“Eyyyuuuugh!” the Azure Mare cried as she toppled from the dumpster in a heap, her limbs thrashed and her body shuddered in deep level of disgust.
“Feathers! Lady, are you alright?” Donut Joe shouted as he moved toward the downed mare, shock running through his body as he realized what he had just done.
“You…you…” the Mare responded, her eyes affixed on Donut Joe as she climbed to her hooves, her face was made of furious anger as she marched up to Donut Joe and shouted!
“YOU! You ask the Great and Powerful Trixie if she…if she is alright? Alright is what you ask simpleton? After…after all that has happened to her? After hitting her with filth and forcing her to fall to the cold ground? Do you have any idea how stupid a question that is to ask the Great and Powerful Trixie? The answer is obvious enough a newborn foal could guess it without having to ask! THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE IS NOT ALRIGHT YOU BUCK RIDING LOUT!”
Donut Joe was transfixed by the purple eyes of the not-alright mare, having backed up from the alley and into his kitchen as she stared into his soul and marched on him. In the light now he could see her better and what he saw wasn’t exactly what a Manehatten Stallion like himself would call ‘a shiny, big, red, apple’. Her mane was messy and extremely unkempt, and besides the crumbs and napkins sticking to it she also somehow had collected twigs and leaves. Her coat when clean may have had been a much lighter shade, but looked darker with the dirt, pine needles, and what looked like tree sap sticking from it. She wore a tattered cloak designed with stars and other shapes that was ragged around the trims and it looked like something had tried to chew it. Donut Joe last noticed the hat she had was similarly styled to the cloak, but this was mostly because she was repeatedly hitting him over the head with it.
“H-hey! Stop doing that you crazy mare!” Donut Joe tried fending off her attacks with a foreleg.
“Crazy? You dare call the Great and Power Trixie crazy! What will you say when the Great and Powerful Trixie turns your coat green and-“ the Great and Powerful Trixie’s angry reply was cut short by a rumble that emitted from her mid region. Donut Joe thought it sounded like an Ursa Major was living in her stomach. The Great and Powerful Trixie blushed and looked away from Donut Joe and seemed to notice where she was for the first time. Her eyes swept the kitchen with an intense eye for detail, they gazed over the finished and unfinished baked creations and Donut Joe could see her pupils had grown steadily larger and larger. She inhaled the smells of his kitchen and seemed to savor them like a cider connoisseur and afterward seemed to get ahold of herself as she stepped back several paces and dramatically swept her hat to her head with a push of her magic. The Great and Powerful Trixie pointed to Donut Joe with one outstretched hoof.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands a donut!”
Donut Joe paused for several seconds and had begun to reply when a small, half eaten pinecone dropped out from within the Great and Powerful Trixie’s robes and clattered to the floor.
He decided to save his questions until after he got her that donut.
-
“You’re that show mare, the one from the flyers I saw a few months ago.” Donut Joe asked, the appearance of the apparently Great and Powerful Trixie finally connected with him while she sat at his table and shoved donuts into her face.
He hadn’t exactly given into her demand for donuts, right away at least, he’d apologized for calling her a raccoon and throwing trash in her face, though he left out that technically she had been stealing from his trash, and offered his sink to her to wash up and a plate’s worth of donuts. Not that he wouldn’t have given them to her with the way she looked she probably hadn’t had a fresh meal in a while.
“You’re the most powerful unicorn in Equestria?”
“Yes! To answer you the Great and Powerful Trixie’s magic are incomparable to any pony in Equestria and those were my…advertisements” Trixie replied with a superior smirk on her face along with sprinkles and jelly. Her smug appearance only lasted a few moments before her smile shrank considerably.
“They were to herald the Great and Powerful Trixie’s coming to Canterlot after she completed her Spectacular and Amazing Cross Equestria Tour. I certainly made it to Canterlot just…not as I planned.”
“Really? What was your plan?” Donut Joe placed a hoof under his chin as he small talked, noting finally the use of a personal indicator when she talked about herself.
He also hoped she would forget about how he had dumped trash on her if he kept her talking. She certainly seemed full of herself.
“I…I…The Great and Powerful Trixie was going to take Equestria by STORM!” Trixie practically shouted that same smug expression reappearing on her face, for some reason Donut Joe couldn’t help but smile too, “The Great and Powerful Trixie started out in Hooftington and would cross all of Equestria wowing the yokels in the little villages and towns slowly building my reputation. Word of my feats would spread through the countryside, like an avalanche, and eventually to the more glamorous places worthy of the Great and Powerful Trixie’s attention such as Manehatten or Las Pegasus.”
“What about the flyers in Canterlot?” Donut Joe asked, images of the posters with the mare in front of him had appeared months ago in the streets of Canterlot.
“In Canterlot the Great and Trixie had to make an appearance of mystery that would make Ponies of every level of society want to ask about who the Great and Powerful Trixie was. The Great and Powerful Trixie expected her arrival by the time of the Grand Galloping Gala would have created such hype that Princess Celestia would have extended a personal invitation to dazzle the ponies at the gala and put on a show that would make the night their best ever.” Trixie failed miserably to keep the tone of giddy excitement tinged with gloating from her voice.
“So…you were at the Gala tonight?” Donut Joe asked. It made sense that she would be drawn to the Grand Galloping Gala like anypony else.
He already guessed by her appearance and her choices for a late night snack that she hadn’t actually received an invitation.
“What happened?”
“NOTHING. Nothing happened.” Trixie shouted and slammed her hooves onto the table where she managed to knock over a few unfinished donuts.
She glanced off into the distance and appeared to remember something before shaking her head and kicking away from the table.
“After THAT PLACE…my cart was destroyed, my reputation in ruins. I’d spent everything on advertising my arrival in Canterlot through that shady, little poster printing shop. I was getting by from town to town by the gifts from fans until...everything just fell apart…my hopes and dreams…my life…my-what is that?”
Trixie pointed towards a table as she trotted up to it and used her magic to levitate the same Princess Celestia sign that Donut Joe had been working on all night.
“That? Just something I’ve been trying to piece together, something to grab the attention of Ponies and make them want to eat here. It’s not going too well at all and-hey! What are you doing to it?” Donut Joe rushed towards Trixie as she had begun to write something within the blank speech bubble.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie is performing a feat of impossible magic: fixing a hopeless cause.” Trixie replied and showed to Donut Joe the words she had written in a few quick strokes of chalk ‘Eat At Joe’s!’ had been spread out across the speech bubble. Donut Joe’s magic wrapped around the chalkboard and floated it closer to him for a closer look.
“Short, direct, and commanding. That will get you ponies, the Great and Powerful Trixie has no doubts about it.”
“’Eat at Joe’s’? ‘Eat at Joe’s’! I don’t know…about this one. Last time I checked Ponies didn’t like other Ponies bossing them around,” Donut Joe replied and peered over the chalkboard at Trixie with a scrutinizing look.
“Of course as a Pony yoooou would think that, Ponies though love it when Princess Celestia gives them commands. They want to please her. The Great and Powerful Trixie even wishes she could command adoration such as that.” Trixie replied, and rolled her eyes at Donut Joe as if it was the most obvious thing in all of Equestria.
Donut Joe looked down at the sign, after several moments he kind of thought he could start to see it as he imagined Princess Celestia asking him to eat at his own donut shop and for some reason he did feel kind of hungry. He shook his head and looked back at Trixie who looked back at him with a sly and knowing look as if she had known that he knew that she was possibly right. It wasn’t the same expression that a cat has when it catches a mouse…more like when a bird of prey catches the cat…like a phoenix?
“How would you know?” asked with a scrutinizing eyebrow.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie knows how to play a crowd of Ponies. It takes a certain sense of knowing what they want and being able to give it to them… triple fold.” Trixie replied and turned back towards the door.
“Wait a minute. Where are you going?” Donut Joe asked, looking back between the chalk sign Trixie, and the donuts she had knocked to the floor.
An idea had begun to form in his head as he replayed the night over, rushing from the kitchen to the customers. All of Canterlot would be energized over gossip from the Gala and he really could use an extra set of hooves plus a Unicorn horn.
“It is late and the Great and Powerful Trixie needs her beauty sleep. The Great and Powerful Trixie comments that your donuts are…mmmmn…quite delectable, but the Great and Powerful Trixie must return to her quarters lest one of the shiftless louts from across the street notice she has vacated the box…the Great and Powerful Trixie means personal trailer. Good night, hopefully meeting the Great and Powerful Trixie has made your ordinary life more interesting.”
After he had heard that Donut Joe’s mind had been made up. That he could add a certain amount of an excuse for being charitable was the icing on the éclair.
“Hold your horses there Tri-I mean Great and Powerful Trixie…you know what Ponies want and need…and you give it to them. How would you like a job?”
“Truly this is Trixie’s darkest day. Once the most famous Unicorn in all of Equestria, now reduced to…to…this.”
“Come on. At least the uniform fits.”
“Hmph. I was supposed to be wearing the most glamorous gown at the Gala. Not these rags.” The Great and Powerful Trixie the Waitress grumbled using her magic to place the white paper hat on her head. Like her dress and accommodating apron her hat was for the most part a simple white, except for a red line along the bottom edge. With the exception of the large brown stain that dominated her apron. Trixie hoped it was just a coffee stain
“Don’t worry about it. A couple weeks of work and you won’t have to sleep in the broom closet.” Donut Joe replied, using his magic to straighten Trixie’s hat.
“Speaking of my accommodations how do you expect the Great and Powerful Trixie to get her beauty sleep? That closet is small and narrow. The cot is terrible. The racket you make in the morning drives the Great and Powerful Trixie to madness!”
“That ‘racket’ is me making all the donuts, brewing the coffee, and serving the ‘Morning Mayhem Rush’! You’re still a ‘trainee’ I’m not going to let some dame I met in my alley to make my donuts or handle the early hours.” Donut Joe laughed, slapping a hoof against the floor. Celestia’s sun was already making its way down from its highest peak in the sky toward the horizon. In the world of donut shops, bakeries, coffee shops, and pet stores this was essentially the night shift.
“I’m a businessman. This place is my life. I’ve worked my entire life to get just this far, from making donuts in my apartment and bussing them out all across Canterlot in a cart to all this! I’ve got enemies too. While the most dangerous of them is the health inspector (mare has the heart of a windigo), I have competitors who would just LOVE to knock me from my spot next to the Princesses’ castle. From sunrise to sunset Trixie I…Trixie…TRIXIE?! Are you listening to me?” Donut Joe’s monologue goes to shouting in his would-be-waitresses’ ear.
“What? Were you saying something the Great and Powerful Trixie was busy picking the dust from her hoof?” Trixie asks, looking up from a upturned hoof.
“Trixie…just…you...you…do you have ANY experience waiting tables?” Donut Joe asks between shaking his head and covering his nose with a hoof.
“Hmmm, once the Great and Powerful Trixie used her magic to bedazzle Hoofington by balancing twenty-two plates on a ‘volunteer’s flank. Does that count?” Trixie asked, immediately using her magic to seize several unwashed dishes from the sink and fly them across kitchen. Soapsuds and leftover bits of food fly across the room as the dishes circle overhead, rather skillfully crisscrossing each other in flight across the kitchen. Donut Joe can only watch on in horror as his only plate ware is tossed across the room by a mare quite clearly not all there.
“Careful…careful with those.” Donut Joe mouths, wiping a wad of soap from his eyes as it smacks into his face. Donut Joe was lucky the health inspector (whose tongue is sharper than any kitchen knife) had just visited. He lets out a breath of air he hadn’t noticed he had been holding onto as Trixie stacks the plates into two towers on the floor.
“Tadah~” The Great and Powerful Trixie proclaims as she steps between the towers flourishing her mane theatrically. Donut Joe immediately goes to the plates, wrapping them in his hooves and stroking them gently.
“My babies! You’re alright now. Its fine. Daddy’s here…” Donut Joe coos.
“You are an odd stallion aren’t you?” Trixie asks, nodding her head convinced that it was so.
“Ugh…alright Trixie. You can handle plates pretty good. Haven’t seen plate work like that since Old Maude on Canter St. and 18th St. in Manehatten. She could spin a plate. Though there was one mare with crazy blue hair that worked here a day when I first started. Wouldn’t take off her shades though and kept bumping into tables. But...” Donut Joe says, using his magic to stack the plates back in the sink and throw a sponge into Trixie’s hooves. “…can you clean them as good?”
“Wait. You want the Great and Powerful Trixie to…to…labor? In here? Back here where no pony can marvel at the Great and Powerful Trixie’s feats of magical skill? Madness!” Trixie scoffs, turning her nose away while flinging the sponge to the floor.
“Well…if you want to go back to eating pinecones…”
“Urk” Trixie coughs, just as her stomach gives a audible rumble of distaste. Compared to the prickley edges of the pinecone’s Donut Joe’s donuts were heavenly. Even Trixie knew when not to spoil a good gig like this. “Very well, Trixie knows the perfect spell that will make these dishes shine as if they were diamonds set in this rough-“
“No! No spells! No showboating magic!” Donut Joe says with alarm, waving a hoof frantically just as Trixie’s horn begins to glow with magic.
“Then how do you expect Trixie to-?”
“Hmph, the old fashioned way, with water and soap, you can use your magic to levitate, but NO ADVANCED MAGIC! I do not need my dishes turning into doves or exploding in fireworks. Squeaky Clean (Banish her to the moon) would come down on me with all four hooves, and a closure order to boot!”
-
“The Great and Powerful Trixie should not be distressed. Trixie’s rise to fame and glory will began again…even if it is from here.” Trixie muttered to herself no sooner after Donut Joe had left the kitchen at the ding of a bell signaling a customer’s arrival. Turning toward the dishes once again Trixie gave them a disdainful stare, giving a snort. “That pony has no idea how badly he is squandering the Great and Powerful Trixie’s talents. To simply ‘wash’ dishes…it is just not Trixie’s style.”
“Though...obviously Donut Joe has no clue to how much Equestria has changed.” Trixie spoke to herself per usual. The last few years had seen the march of progress through Equestria like ponies running to shake the leaves from the trees every fall. Great strides in technology and machines were being made every day in Equestria, from automachines capable of self-propulsion to telecommunication devices capable of outdoing scroll summoning spells. Trixie even heard rumors of a machine that could make cider better than anything made the traditional way.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie has the foresight to see that with each new invention and discovery the public becomes dazzled and enthralled. They wanted more so Trixie had gone to great strides to obtain the lighting and firework displays for her act. Donut Joe is too set in his old fashioned style of doing things, he positively reeks of it.” Trixie mutters looking around the kitchen once again. Sure Donut Joe had ovens and refrigerators, but he lacked any of the modern machines that were being used by the growing ‘corporations’ that would be his rivals. Whereas he no doubt made every single donut by hoof, others were using machines that turned out three baker’s dozen worth of donuts for his one baker’s dozen.
“Well Trixie it looks like it is once again up to you to show a foalish pony how right you are and how they are not. Time to shine.” Trixie grins as her horn glows brighter with magic. Turning to the broom closet where she had spent the majority of last night she pulls the door open with her magic revealing not only the cot where she had slept, but a broom, a mop, and some buckets. As she concentrated on a particular spell in mind she gave a thought to the last time she had tried such powerful magic-when she had been defeated by that Twilight Sparkle!
It was true that she did not have the raw energy and talent that the cursed Element of Magic had. Trixie’s magic though was far more skilled then anything that common mare had in her repertoire! Trixie had found that if she focused she could a single spell better than any other unicorn! Even Twilight Sparkle who had forced her to do magic! In the middle of the night! After she had spent the entire day bedazzling all of Ponyville! Without even admitting her own inferiority to Trixie’s talent of magic! Her spell ended with a burst of light springing from her horn to the broomstick imbuing it with her magic. “Hop to your bristle’s broom! You have work to do!” Trixie commanded and true to her words the broom did just that, two ‘arm’s growing from the handle and pushing forward past Trixie toward the sink.
“Hey!” Trixie shouts, stumbling on her feet after being so rudely pushed aside by her own creation. “Watch where your going broom!” The Broom appears to pay no attention to her, instead reaching forward it begins to go to work on the dishes , grabbing one dish it rinses, drys then slams it down on the edge of the counter sending broken bits in every direction. “Stupid broom! The Great and Powerful Trixie’s magic made you and anything less then perfect will not cut it!” Trixie’s horn glows once again as she probes and pulls at the spell matrix that she had just cast. In practice the spell was not all that different from her inanimate locomotion spells such as the one she had used to tie up that little hayseed, dirt farmer in Ponyville. Granted she made her own ‘improvements’ to the spell, pulling at the tangle of a spell here and there to loosen the spell’s form so that it did not need her constant attention to power and would follow the commands she had laid out. For good measure though she also adds a simple repair spell on top of her original spell, intertwining the two. Studying her amazing skills Trixie is pleased to see that the previous chipped dish pulls itself together perfect as if it was new. While the occasional dish cracks here and there for a few moments the broom is soon washing dishes without breaking a single one.
“Perfect! This is coming together so well Trixie can almost hear triumphant music in the background! Muwahahaha-“
“Trixie! Hey! I need your help get out here!” Donut Joe’s voice shouts back into the kitchen, breaking Trixie out of her slightly maniacal laughter.
“Time to show them just how Great and Powerful you are Trixie. The rise to fame starts here!” Trixie says with a swish of her tail leaving her creation to wash. She doesn’t seem to notice that the broom is still washing even though all the dishes have been stacked into a neat pile. In fact, every time it reaches into the sink, which just starts to overflow with water, it pulls out another dish.
Then another, then another, and another…
-
“Well, well, well. It looks like you owe the Great and Powerful Trixie many thanks for all this business.” Trixie gloats, a triumphant grin painting her face as she walks out from the kitchen to the sight before her. The shop is packed with customers, a crowd of ponies lining up to the door while every booth and table appears to be filled with a flank of some kind. Donut Joe for his part almost appears to be flying as he rushes from one corner of the front counter to the other pouring coffee, handing out bags of donuts, taking money, grabbing more donuts from a display tray, taking more orders, and wishing the customer a great day.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Quit your yammering and lend a hoof!” Donut Joe grumbles, his tone is cheery and welcoming as if he was able to handle his work, but the sweat on his brow and the grim look he lets slip every time he faces away from the crowd betrays his exhaustion.
“Now, now. There is no need to lie to the Great and Powerful Trixie, for Trixie knows that it was Trixie’s editing of your little chalk sign that brought this crowd. If the Great and Powerful Trixie didn’t enjoy her own ability to bring in stallions and mares from miles around Trixie would think it a curse.” Trixie says while waving a hoof at Donut Joe as if teaching an ignorant foal.
“What? It’s always like this for days after the Grand Galloping Gala! Ponies staying up all night don’t wake up until right about now recovering. From what I’ve heard last night was a special one too.”
“Really?” Trixie’s eyes perk for a moment, leaning forward to listen for more before shaking her head and waving off Donut Joe with a hoof “It doesn’t matter. Once the Great and Powerful Trixie arrives at the gala all the others will be forgotten.”
“Hmph, rrrrrriiiight. How about you think in the present? You know before this crowd overruns by donut shop?” Donut Joe rumbles, his limbs were positively aching now and the energy was sapping from his features. There was something about this crowd that just didn’t add up, afternoons even after the Grand Galloping Gala were NEVER this…demanding.”
“Yea toots! Listen to the pastry and get me two jellies and a sprinkle! Chop chop!” an overweight, blue stallion demands while stomping a hoof on the counter.
“Hey! What he said! I’ve been waiting for five minutes for my coffee!” a pink and purple mare shouts waving bits in her hooves.
“Mommy! I was that and that and that!” a young filly screams, her high pitched voice causing several ponies to visibly twitch or cover their ears in pain.
“We wouldn’t have to wait this long at Dip-Ur-Donuts! They have service!” a stallion’s voice calls from somewhere in the crowd, angry voices joining in its sentiments.
“Dip-Ur-Donuts…” Donut Joe breaths, his eyes narrowing as pieces begin to fall into place. He knows though he doesn’t have much time; the volume of the angry voices is already rising as that one stallion’s words spread like a wave through the crowd. He can already see several potential-customers turning to leave. His eyes look over to Trixie ‘that smugness…ugh…’ he thinks before shaking his head and pointing a hoof at Trixie. “Your up super star!”
“Watch and learn how to woo a crowd” Trixie gloats, but the edge of…joy is unmistakable in her voice. She has been waiting to get in front of a crowd and have them bend before her show stopping magic for some time. As Trixie hops onto the storefront counter she is able to imagine she is standing in a spotlight on a stage the ponies before her seated in hundreds instead of a few dozen seats…all here to see her…she is living the dream again…
“Ponies of Canterlot! This is a day you’ll long remember, for it is the day that you first feasted your eyes on the wondrous magic of the Great and Powerful Tr-“
“WHO CARES! I WANT MY DONUTS!” a shrill mare’s voice rings out cutting Trixie off. On her stage Trixie visibly staggers, her eyes widen in shock as if she was physically struck.
“YEA! Who cares about you? I want what I want!”
“B-but. Th- Trixie. I am here to-to…amaze you” Trixie mumbles, her knees shaking, but her words are drowned out by the crowd.
“Shouldn’t you be getting me my coffee? Not prancing up there.”
“I-I’m I mean you-“Trixie gasps beginning to back up, she doesn’t have much room before he hooves would meet pure air.
“You work here? Get down and hop to it! This coupon says a free baker’s dozen of donuts at Donut Joe’s Donut Shop!”
“COUPON?!? What coupon?” Donut Joe’s voice shouts in anger. He didn’t do coupons.
His words though are lost on Trixie; her dream begins to fade in her mind’s eyes, becoming the nightmare. The accusing crowds of Ponyville stare at her with anger filled eyes and shout at her…no…now its no longer Ponyville. She is back in Hoofington. They-
“Awwwwwwww, service and a show sounds like a great idea.” A high pitched voice calls from the back of the crowd. “It’s like a treat for your eyes and your tummy” the voice says again, this time coming from much closer in the crowd.
“I recognize that voice.” Donut Joe says, looking into the crowd as a pink mare seems to literally pop up from the crowd and onto his counter. How she managed to get through the tight crowd is beyond him. The pink pony gives Joe a wink and the biggest smile he had ever seen before facing the crowd. Trixie stops her backward stepping on the edge of the counter, shocked out of her nightmare by the garishly pink pony stepping on the stage…her stage…
“Hiya Canterlot Ponies, my name is Pinkie Pie.” Pinkie Pie shouts to the crowd her voice somehow able to cut over their angry voices. Most of the crowd quiets at that, but gives her angry looks with the exception of the younger ponies that immediately perk up in smiles at Pinkie Pie.
“Do you come here often?” Pinkie Pie giggles for a moment before she continues speaking at a running pace “This is actually my second time ever coming to Donut Joe’s, and I kind of feel sad for my tummy, because Donut Joe’s donuts are the best! I mean the way the glazing stays perfect on the donuts and then melts in your mouth! Oh, oh or how the jelly gets sweeter in your mouth with every bite. Mmmmn!”
The crowd becomes more entranced with every word Pinkie Pie says as she goes into every delicious detail. In a matter of sentences the crowd is docile, and it’s the perfect opening for Donut Joe. Using his magic he pulls down Trixie from the counter, her intent gaze on Pinkie Pie now broken she looks at Donut Joe with a angry glare. “She…she stole my thunder.” Trixie says, sounding mostly amazed that it was possible to take attention away from her.
“She sure did.” Donut Joe says matter of factly, pointing to the crowd who for the most part are licking their lips as Pinkie Pie describes what it felt like for one of Joe’s donuts to travel through her digestive system. “She knows how to work a hungry crowd, or more importantly a crowd of customers expecting you to give into all their demands.”
“How does she do it?” Trixie asks perplexed, the crowds she had entertained before had come to her eager to see her amazing feats from her hyped up reputation. The emotions she had felt from the unicorns in the crowd felt like hot soup on her tongue.
“My guess she works in a bakery.” Joe says, taking a sniff “Can’t you smell that? Sugar and cupcake mixing.”
“…you are a strange pony.”
“It’s a baker thing! Never mind! Come on help me out here. Take orders and start serving.” Donut Joe says as he turns Trixie around and pushes her toward the counter.
“Not so ruff. Ugh, he needs to learn to treat an important mare like me like a lady.” Trixie growls, shaking her head she turns toward a customer. An orange earth pony stallion with a pink mane “May I…the Great and Powerful Trixie will take your order!”
“Yes, you may. I’ll have two jellies and a sprinkle.” The stallion demands rather then asks, before looking away from her and back to Pinkie Pie with a leveled stare. Trixie holds herself back, her cheeks puffing as she turns around and uses her magic to levitate the stallion’s order and into a paper bag. “Here you are. Know that you have been served by-“
“Yea sure.” The stallion says before turning away into the crowd toward the exit. It takes ALL of Trixie’s will not to turn his mane green.
The next few customers are much more respectful of the Great and Powerful Trixie, and in no time between her and Donut Joe the crowd dwindles away as satisfied customers exit the donut shop. Waving to the last customer Pinkie Pie hops down to the front of the counter, her winning smile directed at Donut Joe and Trixie.
“Wow I owe you one Pinkie Pie. Is there anything I can-“
“How did you do that?” Trixie interrupts Joe as she leans over the counter, grabbing Pinkie by the mane and pulling her halfway over the counter.
“Did what?” Pinkie asks innocently, not seeming to mind the invasion of personal space as if she had no such concept of it.
“Did what? Did that! All that! You had that crowd eating out of your hooves! Tell Trixie! TELL TRIXIE RIGHT NOW!” Trixie shouts beginning to shake Pinkie who only giggles as her head bobs back and forth. Trixie is interrupted by Donut Joe whose magic covers Trixie’s hooves and forces her and Pinkie apart.
“Easy now, she’s the friend of one of my best customers!” Donut Joe says, glaring at Trixie.
“Hehehe. Oh it’s okay. It was kind of fun seeing everything moving all fast.” Pinkie giggles as she waves a hoof. “It’s easy peasy. I gave them what they wanted. They were hungry so I distracted their meany thoughts with dreamy thoughts of Joe’s delicious donuts!”
“What…THEY wanted?” Trixie asks, thinking on it she didn’t really give what the crowd wanted…unless it was her. Every performance she held was always from the view that she was getting from the crowd what SHE wanted: their adoration and acknowledgement that she was the most powerful Unicorn in Equestria.
“Anyway, Pinkie is there anything I can get you? It’s the least I could do to thank you for saving my business!” Donut Joe asks, leaning over the counter eager to please.
“Weeeelll. How about you just give me the free baker’s dozen donuts your coupon advertises?” Pinkie Pie asks, producing a white piece of paper from her cotton candy mane.
“Pinkie…I don’t give away coupons. Where did you get those?” Donut Joe asks, using his magic to pull out a bucket’s worth of coupons he had received from customers.
“Oh, that stallion that was in here before was handing them out by Dip-Ur-Donuts. It looked like it was closed so he kept sending ponies to you Joe.”
-
Crispy Cream’s plan had almost worked. If it wasn’t for the paper bag in his mouth he would be cursing his way through Canterlot. If it hadn’t been for that damned pink mare Joe would have worked himself to collapse and his reputation would have been ruined in Canterlot. It did not take him long to arrive back at Dip-Ur-Donuts, pushing thoughts of how much profit they had lost he was glad to see the average ponies were already lining up to the donut shop’s outside counter to purchase donuts. The mare behind the counter starts at seeing him, straightening stick still from her slouch and giving Crispy a wide smile. “Welcome back, sir”
-
“It doesn’t matter for now. Pinkie you deserve two baker’s dozen worth of donuts!” Donut Joe says, turning back to the donut tray and seeming to notice that it was empty for the first time. “Hmh, well don’t worry I have a fresh stash of emergency donuts in the kitchen. Which reminds me, Trixie did you finish the dishes?”
“Did I finish the dishes?” Trixie asks with smile, putting a hoof to her chest. “You will soon find out that the Great and Powerful Trixie has done more than simply wash your dishes. For the magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie can accomplish such feats as more amazing then your dough filled mind could imagine“
“Hmph, well Trixie-
Donut Joe’s words are interrupted as a plate falls out from the ceiling, hitting Trixie on the flank. “Aahh!”
Donut Joe’s eyes widen as he looks up at the ceiling, more plates starting to fall as if pushed. Joe rushes over to the kitchen door and pulls it open just in time to be met by an avalanche of dishes, spilling out into the dinner. Trixie tries to leap over the counter, but she too is submerged by the rushing pile of dishes.
“Wheee!” Pinkie Pie shouts as she rides down a pile of plates and out the door.
“Ah…you were going to say Trixie is amazing, right?”
“TRIXIE!!!!!!!!!”
Author’s Notes:
There you have it folks! Plot!
As well as a much more intricate and deeper look into what makes the Great and Powerful Trixie tick. Going from her only appearance in Friendship is Magic once can quickly deduce that Trixie is in many ways Twilight Sparkle’s opposite. Personality wise one is prideful in her abilities while the other is more humble, though under a layer of that one can easily come up with more background to Trixie. If she is opposite to Twilight in several ways then by default Trixie must be a mare of low standing coming from a small village in comparison to Twilight’s home of Canterlot with semi-famous siblings and possibly parents. Unlike Twilight it would be easy to deduce she would not be afforded the same privileges as Twilight. One interesting aspect which probably is semi-present in her canon backstory, but has not been made known in the show is that while Twilight is protégé to Celestia of the Sun, Trixie seems to be in ways protégé to the moon. Given her cutie mark, though there is present a curious reversal of personality as well-in that in popular culture the sun is portrayed as boastful and full of itself while the moon is more modest and silent.
There also is the curious ‘Element of Magic’, as some of you may have noticed I use ‘The Great and Powerful’ moniker in writing with Trixie describing herself or my writing describing Trixie when Trixie is at her…Trixie-est. Namely, being prideful and boastful of her abilities with magic. If we look at her appearances in the show it seems that when she is most able to use magic is when she is acting on her dominant characteristic (Moko Takabisha for Ranma ½ fans) and when thrust into the situation against the Ursa Minor her abilities seem diminished. Some could throw this off that Trixie is just full of tricks and illusions and not as powerful as Twilight whose special talent is magic, but to a degree I think personality and emotions plays into the magic of unicorns. Twilight Sparkle for example displays her magic most powerfully when she is living up to her role as the ‘Element of Magic’ when her friends are in danger or need her.
Food for thought there, hopefully it doesn’t taste as bad as a wet daffodil sandwich.
Donut Joe was afraid…his eyes widened to dinner plates, his sucked in a gasp of air he thought his lungs would pop, and his legs quiver like jelly. He was afraid that…afraid that…
…he had died and gone to heaven.
The skyscraping towers of Canterlot could never be as beautiful or brilliant as the skyscraping donuts before him! Every single building stacked with layer upon layer of donuts, carefully carved showing off intricate details of windows, panes, doorways, and ever gargoyles! The street beneath him paved with glaze. He saw canals flowing with jelly and custard. An entire city made out of donuts! It was unbelievable, though it looked so glorious Donut Joe felt humbled by it all. It was even snowing sprinkles. He felt tears of pure enjoyment on his eyelids.
Above him a voice; female and pure began to sing softly on the breeze.
Donutopia…Donutopia…Donutopia…[
“Donutopia?” Joe asked, but immediately after regretted his words.
“RRRRAAARRRGGGGGH” a roar split the air, blowing away his bliss, the sweet voice, and all sense of serenity as it left only a bleakness in its wake.
‘A DRAGON? HERE?” Donut Joe shouted as the ground shook under his hooves. Quickly losing his balance he felt flat on his face. As another roar split the air he saw a smoke stack plume on the other side of several donutscapers. He clawed his way across the ground to hide underneath a bench made out of pie crust, praying to Celestia for salvation as the beast loomed into view.
“TRIXIE RRAAARGGH! THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE! RRAAAARGH! TRIXIE! SO AMAZING GRAAAUGUH” the one-hundred foot demonic mare roared as she pushed over a donut skyscraper. The falling donuts crashed into another skyscraper causing a slow, but destructive domino effect throughout the city. Opening her mouth full of jagged teeth and two jutting tusks she roared, spitting gout of flame that roasted the sprinkle snow. Her cloak normally sewed with stars and diamonds was emblazoned with burnt donuts and pony skulls. A glint caught his eyes and with horror he noticed that the beautiful towers of donuts had all transformed into broken and jagged dinner plates!
He couldn’t hear his own weeping over the sound of smashing plates.
She stopped one minute, jagged hooves scratching her coarse, black mane hips before continuing her rampage. Eyes redder then fire seemed to search throughout Donutopia’s ruins for something. Donut Joe’s own eyes looked with her eyes trying to figure out what it was she was looking for. He realized too late that her blood shot eyes had locked onto him and the following roar told him she was looking for him. She took one step towards his hideaway her hooves cracking the glazed pavement underneath her.
Donut Joe ran for it screaming like a little filly
Tears of fear streaming from his eyes he turned back just in time to see her pull off her crooked hat. Underneath two jagged antlers, one like a tree branch and the other curved to the side, poked up. Taking her hat she pointed it toward Donut Joe with a wicked glee in her smile as the air around Donut Joe changed. He heard a sound like a vacuum and suddenly the ground underneath him was rolling backward. He tried to jump away, but he was already being carried toward the misshapen Trixie! He plummeted into the abyss inside of her hat. Her cackling laughter was all that he heard and knew.
-
AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!” Donut Joe shouted as he fell out of his bed, hitting the wooden floor with a heavy thud. He struggled in his blanket, limbs kicking for several minutes. Realizing where he was it still took him several more minutes before he could calm down his heart and think.
‘Everything…is ok. Think about donuts…think about those wondrous holes…’ Joe thought to himself as he climbed upright and looking around. His apartment was a decent place to live; most of his bits went into his donut shop so his apartment was rather Spartan besides the few essentials. Still, after that first day with Trixie he had found enough bits to get her an apartment. It was an apartment that was AWAY from his kitchen as ponyly possible.
“Still…” Joe mumbled as he cantered toward the window. He could see that it was well past morning, he hadn’t even heard his alarm go off. “At least she has adjusted as well…as I had first hoped after these last few weeks.” Pushing open the window he snorted at Celestia’s sun which was just about in its noon position. He let the slight blasphemy go realizing that he had missed the morning rush. “Where is Trixie? She knows when I open and where I live. Why didn’t she come wake me up?”
He didn’t bother snorting again as he soon thought of why. Ever since her kitchen stunt he had forbidden her from any showboating in his donut shop. He was surprised enough that she listened to his words when he was around. Joe could tell though that she still had built a layer of resentment. Especially when she began making all kinds of excuses so she could skip work and put on street shows. “The Great and Powerful Trixie has a migraine! The Great and Powerful Trixie’s hooves are tender today. The Great and Powerful Trixie has had a vision and must go save a colt trapped down a well! Blah. She should be grateful! I get no respect! Not even in my own establishment! Still, at least she has softened…a bit.”
The sound of thunder rolled in overhead and Donut Joe had to stop himself from imagining all of Canterlot falling like a stack of dishes. He began to pull himself back into his apartment so he could go look for Trixie when something hit his nose. If he had not smelled it he would have dismissed it as regular rain and wiped it off. Though he had smelt it though on the tip of his nose and he now focused on the raindrop. It wasn’t rain.
At least not regular H20 rain.
“No…it can’t be…” Donut Joe mumbled. Licking it off his nose Joe smacked his lips. “Chocolate…rain?”
Author's Notes: Oh I couldn't resist writing this when I thought of it. =D
This chapter is rather like its name. Short with lots of flavor.
“COME ONE! COME ALL! SEE THE GRRRRREAT AND POWERRRRRUL TRRRRRIXIE! BE AMAZED AT HER WONDEROUS FEATS OF MAGIC THAT WILL COMPLETELY BLOW AWAY THE LINES OF WHAT YOU THOUGHT POSSIBLE! FOR THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE CAN DO ALL THIS AND SO MUCH MORE! FOR SHE IS THE MOST TALENTED UNICORN IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA! SHE IS BETTER THEN YOU! AND YOU! AND YOU! YOU TOO!”
Trixie’s voice magically amplified carries out over the Canterlot Street. Trixies waves her hooves in the air while standing on a small milk crate. Magic spouts out from her horn, small star shaped meteors of magical energy shooting above her head. That’s not all. The Great and Powerful Trixie’s cape also flares out behind her despite the lack of wind in the street. She even has a small sign painted in black paint spelling out her title and name.
The morning shoppers of Canterlot continued to ignore her.
“What is wrong with these loser ponies? Can’t they tell when there is a pony obviously better than they are?” Trixie grumbles, stepping down off her milk crate onto all four hooves. She had been there since dawn and not a single pony had turned her way. It was like she was completely invisible.
“They ignore me, but flock to that wretched mare on the corner? Her lyre sounds like a cat being dragged through the wash.” Trixie curses, for the one hundredth time giving the mint mane mare down the street the evil eye. The mare with the lyre even surrounded by ponies happily listening to her music seems to be the only pony to notice Trixie. “Bah! She mocks me, fluttering those eyes, that mischievous smile, all her wink-winking, shaking her hips on her little wooden stool. She wants me to come over there and… challenge her! An insult to the Great and Powerful Trixie who would never be caught dead accepting such a lame challenge from a lame mare. Not even...“ Trixie squints as she reads the small sign next to the lyrist "'The Talented and Musical Lyra?"
'Trixie looks up at the sky in frustration for a moment before looking over at the minty mare again.
“A kissy face? The Great and Powerful Trixie will never kiss defeat! NEVER TRIXIE SAYS!” Trixie shouts out the last part into the face of a high class unicorn pony that had wandered too close to her. The Canterlot Unicorn jumps in the air several feet then runs away at high speeds.
“What is Trixie to do?” Trixie asks herself, slumping down onto her egg crate. Arriving in Canterlot she had not expected this. She had expected the ponies of Canterlot to wooed by her magic (and even her beauty) and to be the highlight of the Grand Galloping Gala and every other ball in Canterlot. She was to be the toast of Canterlot and the girl on the go. They were supposed to watch her and be the talk of all of Canterlot. To be the type of pony, yes the type of pony, every pony wanted to know!
“The country bumpkins of Equestria were utterly wowed by Trixie’s magic, why weren’t the ponies of Canterlot?” Trixie asked herself again while attempting to strangle the question in her hooves. Instead of being the most popular pony in Canterlot she was stuck at that dough-brained stallion’s donut stand. Her dreams of fame were being mired in Donut Joe’s shop between demanding ponies that needed to get an apple stuck in their mouths and the tiring menial work. She hoped that performing on the streets of Canterlot she would be natural recognized for her abilities and be uplifted into stardom by an adoring crowd. She even spent most of her meager tips on buying fireworks for her act when she performed on a respectable venue again.
“Why is Trixie stuck in obscurity? Why? Why? WHY! What am I doing wrong?” Trixie gasps falling back onto the pavement, limbs splayed outward. Looking into the blue sky Trixie is suddenly reminded of the eyes of that utterly, nonsensical pink mare. Her eyes had held the attention of the crowd at Donut Joe that one morning. Her eyes had looked at her and offered her so much warm feelings and…and…friendship! It made her stomach churn. Becoming known as the most famous unicorn in Equestria was not about friendship. It was about adoration and desire. Occasionally she had seen the same feelings of friendship in Donut Joe’s eyes, but she had seen them less and less the more Donut Joe knew Trixie. It was all for the best.
“What had she said…” Trixie mumbled as she sat up on her would-be-stage. “Give them what they want? A laughable idea…but Trixie is at the end of her rope…”
“Hi lady.” A soft voice said next to Trixie.
“WHAUG-aaaaaat. What. What do you want street urchin?” Trixie asked, at first startled by the sudden appearance of the dirty earth pony colt. Trixie could not tell if his mane and coat was naturally the color of soot and dirt. She could not even tell if the smudge on his flank was supposed to be his cutie mark. Pushing down her own memories of living on the street she asked again “What is it you want from Trixie? Trixie has no bits to give. Trixie is also busy drawing the ponies of Canterlot to her like a moth to a flame. So make it quick, kid.”
“Ummm…” the young colt murmurs while rubbing his hooves together nervously. “Can you…can you do magic tricks?”
“Hahaha. The Great and Powerful Trixie can do more than ‘magic tricks’. Trixie’s magic can do anything! Trixie is better than any pony in Equestria.” Trixie gloats, looking down at the urchin. To emphasis her point she gives him a wink and concentrates her magic, pulling back her hat and sending a spark of energy shooting from the tip of her horn.
“Oooh…” the urchin ooo’s, clopping his hooves together. The urchin looks down shyly then backup to Trixie, eyes overflowing with hope “Could you…could you…um…do a magic trick for me?”
“What? You ask the obviously Great and Powerful Trixie to-“Trixie begins to reject the urchin, but stops short when she sees him begin to cringe at her words. Against Trixie’s obviously better judgment she changes her words “Ugh. Very well. Ask away of the Great and Powerful Trixie and she will amaze you with her amazingness.” Trixie stands back on her egg crate, striking a pose as the wind effect returns to her cape.
“Oh! Oh! Thank you lady. Uhm…” the urchin says as his face becomes the epitome of concentration. “Could you…do the card trick? Pick a card? I love that trick.” The urchin asks, standing to his hooves in bundled excitement.
“…you can’t be serious?” Trixie asks, shoulders slumping as she stares at the foal.
“Uhm…I think I am.”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie could make the street lamps come to life and tap dance down the street or create a thundercloud that could scorch the hide of that contemptible lyrist…but…you…want Trixie to do a card trick…” Trixie stares dumbfounded at the street urchin.
“Uhm…yes?”
“Ugh…fine…” Trixie groans, planting a hoof to her face and shaking her head. Trixie picks her hat off her head and reaches in. Pulling out a deck of cards she uses her magic to shuffle them in the air. Her face was as rigid as statue as she did. Levitating the cards to the foal she spreads the cards out in the air. Letting him pick one out of the deck he shows it to the mare next to him.
“Oooo…” Lyra mouths next to the colt, “If this was Cider Rummy that would be a good card to have”.
A barrage of insults begins to form in Trixie’s throat, but she quickly swallows their rancid taste as she notices that besides the mint unicorn more ponies are taking notice of Trixie and the urchin. Ponies begin to crowd around Trixie, whispering to themselves and pointing between her and the urchin.
“Okay…” the colt says, concentrating as he puts his card back into the deck. He seems to wait for something, staring at Trixie. “Uhm…isn’t this part where you’re supposed to shuffle?”
“Wha-…I uh. Yes. Yes it is” Trixie mumbles, not realizing how long she had been staring at the crowd around her. “N-now here we go…” Trixie mumbles again, slowly shuffling the deck with rigid movements. Trixie emptied her mind. The thought that Trixie could get stage fright was just impossible.
“Is…this…your card?” Trixie asks pulling out a card from the deck, a Sun of Celestia, and showing it to the urchin. All of time seems to stand still for a moment. As the colt’s eyes narrow at the card Trixie can even feel sweat form on her brow.
“That’s my card!” the urchin says with glee, clopping his hooves on the ground. Cheers and shouts of amusement cry out from the small crowd around Trixie. Smiling nervously Trixie carefully shows the card to the crowd. Taking a bow she hides the breath of air she had been holding. ‘Sweet relief’ Trixie thinks as she straightens her body.
“Wow that was great. Can I pick a card too?” Lyra asks, winking as she adds “Maybe it will be the Princess of Hearts.”
“YOU pick a card? Why don’t you pick up your lyre and shov-“
Trixie is interrupted as a clap of thunder suddenly roars. All of Canterlot seems to shake and shudder as the light overhead begins to disappear. Every pony looks up skyward to see the source of both the thunder and lack of light. The pink clouds stretching out from Canterlot Castle to cover all of Canterlot are hard to miss. Another clap of thunder heralds a downpour of brown rains that pours over all of Canterlot. One of the droplets hits Trixie on the nose. Taking a sniff she recognizes the scent, it reminds her so much of the pink mare.
“Chocolate…rain?”
Author's Note: Writing this ith only one contact lense wasn't so bad.
(Author's Note: Very Great and Powerful Thanks to Maskedferret http://www.fimfiction.net/user/maskedferret for being the editor for "Trixie! Order Up!". Especially for putting up with my chaotic...consistency.)
“Behold the power of the Great and Powerful Trixie! Canterlot deserves weather that is the sweetest. Therefore I give my lovely audience this chocolate rain!”
The Great and Powerful Trixie shouted, sweeping up her cape in a dramatic flush toward the sky. Trixie spared a glance as the once blue sky quickly become covered with strange, pink clouds. She looked back to her audience as she gauged their belief in her little lie. On the back of Trixie’s neck a nervous, small bead of sweat trickled down her neck along with the thought ‘It has been sooooo long since I have had an audience. I can’t lose them!’
“Oooooooo!” Lyra and the dirty, colt said in unison. The two ponies surprised faces turned to glee as they looked up at the pink clouds, their eyes growing to the size of saucers. Opening their mouths to the growing downpour of chocolate they pranced in the street slurping up the sweet precipitation.
“Aaaaaaah!” the crowd around them replied, having pulled out several umbrellas as the downpour increased to a steady rain. Trixie sighed on the inside as she thought her lie was in the clear when the dirty colt spoke up.
“Great and Powerful Trixie, can you make it snow ice cream?” the colt asked, his eyes looking into Trixie’s with a rounded, cuteness that forced Trixie to momentarily push her hat forward to block out his inescapable gaze.
“Can the Great and Powerful Trixie make it snow ice cream?” Trixie said, crossing her hooves over her chest while standing on two legs. She knew full well that she could not. “To make it rain ice cream would be a waste of the Great and Powerful Trixie’s talents! She could make it rain double fudge, triple banana, and quadruple cream, sundaes!”
“With a cherry on top each one as well.” Trixie boasted as she knocked her hat back so she could stare into the crowd with a smug grin. She was swept up in the hype as the crowd hoof stomped in applause. Only a thin slice of her conscious had bothered to think that she had never learned a ‘Make-It-Rain-Sundaes’ spell in magic kindergarten.
Trixie had already began to sweep up her hooves in a dramatic display ready to use a spell she didn’t even know when a loud chiming noise interrupted her thoughts. Her eyes glanced skyward as she saw the hands of the Canterlot Clock Tower strike noon. The phantom head of Doughnut Joe swirled around her head and said to her in a echoic voice “Don’t forget…don’t forget…to wake me up…to wake me up…to open the shop…to open the shop…my alarm is busted…my alarm is busted…TRIXIE ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?”
“Oh, my. Where has the time gone?” Trixie muttered to herself, slumping slightly as she realized that between her desperation and elation at finding a enthralled audience she had forgotten about her day job. ‘What is this?’ her inner voice echoed inside of her, ‘Why does my stomach feel like it is sinking? Why do I feel ashamed of myself? What is this feeling? It is like that feeling I get when I miss out on the buy two for one firework sales…it is like regret, but different….”
Trixie shook herself out her thoughts realizing the crowd may have noticed her sudden quiet. She ignited her magic causing several sparklers to light off behind her. “Better leave them wanting more anyway…” Trixie muttered while bowing to the audience, her voice louder as she came back up and waved to the audience “The Great and Powerful Trixie must go now! Trixie has a pressing engagement with Canterlot’s most well-known of chefs. The Great and Powerful Trixie will blow your little pony minds with wondrous and impossible feats of magic another time. Until then, enjoy the chocolate rain the Great and Powerful Trixie has given to you as a parting gift.”
“Awwwww! Going so soon?” a voice called out seemingly from everywhere around the crowd of ponies.
“Who is that?” Lyra asked looking around just as confused as everypony.
“I have-“ Trixie had begun to say when her small ‘stage’ quaked beneath her. Before Trixie could act her stage had risen higher and higher into the air, beneath it layer after layer of a large white cake had sprouted from the ground! “Wh-whats going on here? Who dares make a fool of the Great and Powerful Trixie?”
“Great and Powerful Trixie? Oh? You don’t know me?” the voice called out again. The cake that had sprouted underneath her climbed to fifteen layers of cake batter and frosting before the top exploded underneath Trixie. Trixie and her soapbox crashed down like sparkling meteors to the ground as –SOMETHING- emerged from the cake.
“I am the Chaotic and Nonsensical Discord!” Discord cried with a rolling laughter. The mismatched fiend’s body erupted from the top of the cake wearing a tophat, monocle, and polkadotted gloves. The crowd of ponies were shocked into silence as Discord’s seemingly joyful grin and cold eyes pierced every single pony. Except for one.
“You…you…your’re Discord!” Lyra stated a hoof raised and pointing at Discord.
“The one and only.” Discord replied before his tongue rolled out from his mouth and slurped the entire cake in a single gulp.
“The Discord that ended the Equestrian Council? The first form of government in Equestria after the various ponies settled in the region. It was ended over one thousand and two hundred years ago ushering in the Interregnum otherwise known as the Days of Discord. You reigned for forty-two years until the Princesses defeated you and began what is known as the ‘Era of Princesses’ by beginning with the First Principality of Two Princess of Equestria. The Dual Principality existed for one hundred and ten years until Luna was banished to the moon and Equestria became the Principality which has reigned until now, though some political commentators speculate that a Second Dual Principality will be raised sometime after Nightmare Night depending if Luna can reconnect with the ponies of Equestria.” Lyra lectured, pausing for only a moment before adding “And THAT’S how Equestria was made.”
“What do you mean ‘THAT’S how Equestria was made’?” Trixie asked as she picked herself up from the cobble street. She gulped as she saw Discord’s grin widen. “Hmph. A friend of mine in Ponyville asked me to teach her class Equestrian history after SOMEPONY filled some of her student’s head’s with nonsense.”
“Wait. You’ve been to Ponyville?” Trixie asked, feeling the sweat gather on the back of her neck. “I live there actually. Pinkie Pie may be a Bearer of the Element of Harmony, but she has no right making counter-factual history!”
“Oh? So the Bearers of the Elements live in a place called Ponyville now?” Discord asked, having slither closer to wrap a arm around Lyra’s neck and incline his ear closer.
“They all do. Pinkie’s the Element of Laughter. Applejack represents the Element of Honesty, Rarity represents the Element of Generosity, Fluttershy represents the Element of Kindness, Rainbow Dash represents the Element of Loyalty, and Twilight Sparkle represents the Element of Magic.”
“T-twilight Sparkle?!?” Trixie gasped, her jaw having dropped to the ground.
“Yep. Twilight Sparkle. Unicorn. Bookworm. I’d love to see her with her socks on. We were students together at the Canterlot University of Magic.” Lyra replied with several nods of her head.
“What about the Elements of Harmony themselves?” Discord asked, his ear from the opposite side of his head having stretched all the way over the top of Lyra’s head to the other side of her mouth to listen.
“Oh, I don’t know myself. The Princess probably keeps them somewhere in the castle.” Lyra said with a shrug.
“My, my. I will have to pay a visit to Ponyville, but first thing’s first…” Discord said before snapping his fingers and from out of thin air creating a very large theater stage. Trixie scrambled out of the way while Lyra grabbed the little street urchin and pulled the awestruck colt away from the falling stage. Having popped out onto the stage Discord pulled his top hat off and held it out with one eagle claw. “Who wants to see some magic?”
The mumbled and nervous reply from the crowd was less than enthusiastic.
“What is the matter with you ponies? Don’t you want to see more excitement like my chocolate rain?” Discord asked with a huff, though one of his eyes looked to Trixie.
“Liar!” the accusing word escaped from the lips of the street urchin colt. “The Great and Powerful Trixie made this chocolate rain and she can do more awesome stuff too! Like make it rain sundaes with extra fudge!” Despite both Trixie’s and Lyra’s hooves having had shot out to cover the colt’s mouth the words had already escaped. The constant downpour of chocolate rain stopped as both of Discord’s eyes locked onto Trixie a impossibly wide grin having split Discord’s face.
“Ohohoho? MY mistake then! This lovely weather was caused by the…Great and Powerful Trixie, was it?” Discord said before he laughed out loud, slapping one knee before containing his chuckles. “Well then. I will just have to do SOMETHING that will top the obviously Great and powerful Trixie’s magic. I’ll just have to prove anything she can do, I can do better. Any suggestions?”
Trixie’s mouth once again had dropped open. That nervous trickle of sweat was a flood now. She felt her knees shake and her mouth go dry as she realized that boasts had somehow managed to get her into more trouble than being chased by a cranky ursa minor. Trixie tried to say something, but all that came out was a weak croak.
“Yes! You! The gentlecolt in the front do you have a suggestion?” Discord said suddenly, pointing toward a dapper colt wearing a top hat.
“What? Me? No. No. No. Nothing. I have nothing inside my head.” The colt replied, backing away into the crowd.
“Aaaare you so sure?” Discord asked, reaching his lion like paw into the hat. Somehow Discord’s paw sprouted out from behind the colt, immediately having seized his head a jolt of blinding light makes every pony cover their eyes. When the blinding light stopped what Trixie saw caused her to gasp, and she was not the only one.
“Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Soak Clousdale with a cola storm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” the thing that had been the gentlecolt enthusiastically answered. His dark grey coat and blue mane had become every shade of violet and his eyes spaced out orbs that spun in circles in his head. Trixie from her view noticed that as he bounced up and down on his flank while holding his hooves together that his cutiemark had changed from whatever it had been to a screw and a hoofball. Deep down Trixie found the constant putter of the thing’s gyro beanie to be extremely annoying.
“A fine idea my little pony! Muwahaha. Don’t blink, you ponies at home or you might miss…de magiks!” Discord said as he raised his lion’s paw and snapped his fingers. Trixie as well as everypony instinctively dropped to the ground and cowered with hooves overhead. Waiting for an explosion of magic that may have tossed them all off their hooves or send them spiraling into another dimension or turned them into dogs! Trixie waited and waited, but after several more moments of cowering Trixie noticed no visible display of magic or any subtle shift in the ambient field of magic surrounding them. The only effect caused by Discord seemed to be the one pony with a few screws missing clopping his hooves together and cheering on like he had seen Trixie perform magic.
“Thank you! Thank you! Yes, I know! I truly am amazing! Now my faithful audience do we have any other suggestions?” Discord asked, a wicked grin on his face as he once again thrust his paw into the top hat. This time though Trixie saw that his paw did not just appear behind one pony, but behind the heads of the entire crowd. Trixie covered her face as a blinding flash of light once again lighted up the Canterlot street.
“Discord! Discord! Daddy Discord! Make all the corn fields explode with popcorn!”
“Give all the rabbits reeeaaaalllllllyyyyyyyy long legs!”
“MOAR CHOCLATE RAIN!”
“Make this arc two episodes long!”
“Make all your spells failsafe spell failsafe proof!”
“Muwahaha. Done and done. WHO IS THE BIGGEST AND BADDEST IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA?” Discord shouted, running up and down the front of his stage to the applause and cheers of a crowd of over a dozen screwballs.
‘Perhaps…now is the time for Trixie to make her exit…stage left…’ Trixie’s panic stricken mind thought to herself. Slowly Trixie’s body inched away from the increasingly enthusiastic crowd of chaotic pawns when she felt a pony stand up next to her.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie is still the best unicorn in all of Equestria!” the voice of the street urchin shouted just above Trixie. She wanted to stuff the colt’s mouth shut, but as she looked up she noticed that Lyra had already beaten her to the punch.
“Have you ever heard of the term ‘Insert foot into mouth’?”
“What is a ‘foot’?”
“Not important!”
“Ohohoho? You still think that this huckster is more powerful than me?” Discord asked before teleporting behind Trixie and grabbing her, and teleporting back to the stage and holding her up to the crowd. Boos and catcalls from the screwballs washed over Trixie like a wave of stale cheese. Even still it made Trixie’s stomach churn and her knees quake, the feeling of shame and terror swelling inside of her. Trixie opened her mouth to VERY MUCH insist otherwise when the colt’s words stopped her from breathing a word.
“I know she can! She is the most magical unicorn I have ever seen! She is the Great and Powerful Trixie and anything you can do she can do better!” the street urchin replied, staring into the eyes of Discord with utter belief and determination. It was making Trixie sick to her stomach knowing her chances of fulfilling the colt’s over inflated image of Trixie, but Trixie never let her audience down. She would never again.
“T-th-the Great and P-powerful Trixie i-is the most astounding unicorn in all of Equestria! Her name is adored and spoken with awe from Hoofington to Canterlot! The master mare of all magic spells! I’ll make your head spin around and around with my magical skill. You? The greatest of all? That must be one big joke. I’ll show you mystic powers you will regret what you spoke.”
“Snerk…did you just try to rap? Hahahaha!” Discord’s face broke out into a grin before he dropped Trixie on her hooves and flopped on the stage in full body laughter.
“Could use a better beat” Lyra added, using her magic to pick up her lyre and strum a few chords.
“Oh very well. I’ll let you have your shot. That way nopony can call Discord a unfair and unjust ruler of all Equestria.” Discord said after wiping tears of laughter from his eyes and having picked himself up to his feet. “Give me your best shot.”
“R-right. Prepare to double take so fast your eyebrows will be thrown across the street.” Trixie nervously boasted, gulping loudly while cantering to the front of the stage. Trixie looked into the eyes of the crowd of every screwball pony glued on her, than over to the eyes of the street urchin and Lyra. ‘Alright, alright. I know Trixie is in the show for her life. I just have to concentrate and stay focused. Just stick to the first rule of show business. Get the audience so hooked they can’t look away…they don’t want to look away…’
“Ponies of Canterlot, prepare yourselves for this once in a lifetime spectacle. One that I guarantee you will leave you dazed and confused! One that will have your hooves stomping and gyros spinning as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs a feat of magic that will absolutely boggle your minds. What is it that the Great and Powerful Trixie will do you wonder in your tiny minds? Please, don’t give yourselves a headache the Great and Powerful Trixie will tell you! The Great and Powerful Trixie will…SPLIT THE SKY WIDE OPEN! Trixie will crack it open like one great big egg and pour out the cosmic contents! The sights of the universe right here and right now. One time only. Limited seating for viewing pleasure.” Trixie boasted, her cape flourished to her sides as the last of her sparklers ignite with a concentrated burst of her magic.
“OOOOOOO!” the crowd ate up her words. Their bored looks and angry glares turned to interest as they crowded forward against the stage. Even Discord looked interested, one brow raised as he floated over the crowd of screwballs. The street urchin was clopped his hooves together while Lyra strummed her lyre adding suspenseful background music to Trixie’s words.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands quiet as she performs.” Trixie barked at the crowd before she closed her mouth and tilted her head downwards toward the stage. Concentrating her mouth moved with mumbled words as her hooves rubbed together and her horn steadily glowed brighter with concentrated magic. The normally rambunctious crowd of screwballs seemed to heed her words as they made not a single sound. All eyes focused straight on Trixie as the focus of magic surrounded her in a visible aura of magic. Trixie’s head felt like it would split open, but she continued to concentrate and build up her magic. The floorboards of the stage rattled beneath her as she pushed more and more magic into her spell, a low grumble emitting from her lips slowly grew into a loud yell as the magic around her grew until it climaxed!
“ttttrrrrriiiiiIIIIIXXXXXXIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!” Trixie shouted her eyes ablaze with magic as she shifted her stance and thrust her head and hooves toward the sky with that powerful shout. Trixie magic exploded in a blast of light that blew outwards causing the assembled ponies to shield their eyes for several seconds. All eyes in the crowd from every Screwball to Discord himself looked skyward to see what her magic had done…
…they all stared into the thick cloud bank of pink.
“Well, it looks like the Hot and Gaseous Trixie was just full of…” Discord had begun to say when his eyes turned back down to Trixie to notice that Trixie no longer occupied the stage. In fact, neither did the street urchin or Lyra.
They were all gone.
“That…that…little…pull a fast one on Discord! Oho! I’ll show her who pulls the fast ones around here. I’ll-“Discord’s words were interrupted by the sound of an ringing inside of his head. Discord pulled out an alarm clock from his ears and looked at the time with a grimace. “Drat. I’m scheduled now to steal the Elements of Harmony. How am I supposed to deal with those troublemakers?” Turning his eyes to the dazed and confused crowd of screwballs his grin returned to his face. “Sic ‘em my little flying monkeys!”
“FIRED! YOU’RE FIRED! That’s what I’ll say to her the minute…no the second…no…the moment I lay eyes on her. If that filly can think I am gonna put up with any more of her shenanigans…” Donut Joe mumbled to himself as he trotted toward his shop. Every so often he would stop to half mumble and half shout, “I don’t have to put up with THIS!” as he stamped his hoof into the street. Joe had been so focused on his own thoughts he had not realized that he had passed his own shop by a block. He smacked his hoof across his face and trotted back to the way he had come to his shop. What he saw caused him to stop in his tracks only a few feet from the door.
The ‘Sorry! We are Closed’ sign that hung behind the glass door ignited the last of his anger. He grabbed his hat between his hooves and tossed it to the ground where he repeatedly trounced it into the cobblestones. “Ok! Fine! I may have been holdin’ out a LITTLE hope that SHE would be here but fine I see how it is! I see how SHE wants it! If SHE wants to perform on the street then SHE can do that full time! Joe you are not goin’ to give HER a second chance! No, no, no! Stop thinkin’ it! Put your hoof down and act like a business pony! GRAAAAAAGH!”
His last words of rage roared out as he chewed on his hat in frustration.
“Huh…” he coughed and planted his mangled hat back on his head before he looked around the empty street. Now that he could focus on something other than Trixie, he realized that in his entire journey from his apartment to his shop he had not seen a single pony. The streets had only echoed with the sounds of rants, the clop of his hooves, and the occasional thunder from the strange pink clouds that covered the sky over Canterlot. “Right about now is the lunch rush. This street should be packed. Where is everypony?”
Of course, no sooner had those words escaped his mouth he spied three pony shapes as they scrambled around a corner and down the street toward him. Joe’s eyes narrowed as the three ponies trotted closer for their lives as he saw that only two of the ponies were actually running toward him. One a young colt that looked incredibly filthy and the other a mint green colored mare that he knew as Lyra from her street performances. The third pony was saddled on the back of Lyra and occasionally smacked the plot of her mount as she egged Lyra beneath her to go faster. That Lyra did not seem to mind was a tad odd to Joe’s mind. Donut Joe easily recognized the rider and the sight of her caused him to suck in as much air as his lungs could hold before he shouted the mare’s name loud enough to be heard across Canterlot.
“TRRRRRIIXIIIEEEEE!”
Lyra halted in her tracks the moment Joe’s shout blasted into her, unable to hold onto her steed, Trixie was catapulted over the mare and onto the ground in front of Joe. Sprawled out in front of him as she was Joe resisted the urge to blush and averted his eyes but he still faced her down…menacingly. “T-trixie! I h-hate to say this, but I have to say you…are…fir-“
“Not now! Trixie does not have time for your words” Trixie stuffed a hoof into Donut Joe’s mouth and climbed back on her hooves. Her eyes darted back and forth down the street in a panic. “Trixie does not have time for anything but, hiding!”
“What are you talkin’ about? Hidin’ from what? And don’t try and side track-“ Joe’s words were cut off again by Trixie as she shoved both her hooves into his mouth this time.
“What did Trixie just say? We do not have time!”
“Ugh” Joe knocked her hooves from his mouth, “Wash those before you work. Though, I have to say this is just like you Trixie. Never letting me get a word in at-“
“Do you want Trixie to beg? Is that it? Fine! Puuuh-leeease open the door! Pleasepleaseplease! There! Happy? Do you want Trixie to kiss your flank too?”
“Actually, I wouldn’t mind a little kiss on the flank…” Lyra giggled and tapped her chin thoughtfully.
“Umm…you guys…” the young colt beside Lyra and tugged on her mane urgently until Lyra swiveled her head in direction he frantically indicated with his hooves.
“No! I just want you to show me some respect and you know, DO YOUR JOB!” Joe growled and butted heads with Trixie.
“Oh my Princesses...” Lyra cursed with rising panic in her voice. “You two should really-“
“Trixie does do her job when she has a job to do! Trixie cannot help it if Trixie wants to live her dream!” Trixie replied as she pushed back with her own head, eyes narrowed at Joe.
“You guys…”
“Yes you can it’s called havin’ ‘responsibility’!”
“Oh, sticks. They are not going to…”
“Bah. All Trixie does most of the time is sit and wait for customers that never show but, If you would just allow Trixie to perform.”
“I already told you my shop isn’t zoned for firework displays!”
“HEY! NUMBSKULLS! LOOK!”
“WHAAAAT?”
“WHAT IS IT NOW?”
Joe and Trixie turned and shouted at Lyra who un-phased by their display of anger merely grabbed both of their heads and turned them toward down the street. Where a horde of buzzing, purple monstrosities were zipping and zooming through the air toward them. Many of the Screwballs appeared to be wielding rubber chickens which they whirled around their propellers. This being the first time Joe had seen any of this he recoiled in dumbstruck, horror.
“What the donut hole?!?” Joe gasped.
“Drat. Trixie knew we would be able to get ahead of them while they were distracted at Hard Pun’s Rubber Chicken Emporium, but Trixie did not think it would make them stronger!” Trixie cursed and pointed a hoof toward the oncoming horde of insanity. “Now will you open the door?”
“What? Yes, of course!” Joe’s horn glowed as he wrapped his magic around the store key he kept in his hat and then proceeded to float it into the keyhole. “Wait, what happened to the spare I gave you?”
“Uh…” Trixie rubbed her hooves together and admired the pink clouds with her eyes. “The Great and Powerful Trixie may have…dropped it…when Trixie’s invisibility spell was in effect…Trixie could not see where it went since it was…invisible…and stuff…”
“Trixie what did I-no. Ok, fine. I’ll make a spare or whatever.” Joe shook his head as the door clicked open. “Just, everypony get inside and Trixie you have some explaining to do…” ------ Author’s Note: Huzzah! I’m back. I wanted to make this chapter longer but, I wanted to warm up first and get some editing practice. Get back into the groove of things. I also wanted to name this chapter, “Lunch Rush”. Get it now? Anyway, next chapter is “Happy Hour”.
WARNING ANTHRO ART Well, not to say that Trixie is any sweet but the artist AskSweetCream certainly has made Trixie look sweet! http://asksweetcream.tumblr.com/
“And THAT is how Trixie and Company arrived at our present…circumstance.” Trixie finished her imperfect rendition of the last hour’s events with a non-chalet shrug,
Her telling had included how she had dazzled thousands of ponies on the street in Canterlot and how they had applauded her for more and offered her stardom and fame when Discord had arrived. After she had fought him to a standstill in an magical duel that had shaken Canterlot to its foundations and split the fabric of time and space. After Discord had siced thousands of Screwballs on her she had fought a running, organized retreat to Donut Joe’s noting its strategic worth. Trixie’s telling had also NOT included any mention of Lyra and the Urchin who still clapped their hooves once she had finished.
Donut Joe had just stared at Trixie and face hoofed.
“That story has more holes in it then my (soon to be) famous, Swiss donut…” Donut Joe replied and had begun to roll his eyes when a loud noise thundered across the bakery away from their hiding place behind the counter.
All four ponies slowly picked themselves up and peaked over the edge of the front counter and glanced at the glass windows that dominated the front entrance to Donut Joe’s. The outside still swarmed with Screwballs who occasionally battered themselves against the window comically, their comrades laughing at the attempts of the occasional battering ram-er and judged them with a lineup of score cards. Other Screwballs literally hacked or smashed against the window with a wide assortment of undersized tools from axes and hammers to jackhammers and dynamite-the latter of which always seemed to blow up in their faces. For whatever reason the window remained perfectly unharmed when in a normal situation it would have shattered ages ago.
Over the last hour their efforts had noticeably become disinterested and lazy. The Screwballs no longer hummed their tune, only occasionally had they blown a weak raspberry with their tongues, and a few had even slumped asleep. It was almost as if they had become bored without an audience.
“Don’t you guys think we should be coming up with a plan to get out of here?” Lyra offered once they had ducked back down behind the counter.
“Hmmm, no that does not really matter at this point” Trixie replied and examined her hoof as if she was uninterested in the whole situation.
“Why?” Donut Joe asked and scrunched his brow at Trixie, “I mean its not like those thing can get in he-“
“DON’T! SAY THAT!” Trixie shouted to Donut Joe’s surprise as she clamped his mouth with both her hooves. Suddenly, she seemed panicked compared to her calm appearance just moments before. She glared at him and pointed a hood toward the window, “Can’t you follow the script? Trixie has seen…and Trixie admits performed…enough poorly, written comedies to know those things are only waiting for the most ironic moment to break in!”
For several moments Donut Joe looked like he wanted to argue with her but, instead sighed in defeat.
“On a normal day I would call you crazy, but as you can see nothin about thing is normal. Still, we really can’t stay in here forever! Somethin has to be done about this Discord mook.”
“Hmm…” Lyra chimed in and tapped an improvised spatula-weapon to her chin, “Well, not really. From historical record Discord has been defeated before by the Elements of Harmony, something which his ego and pride had resulted in. I bet that while Discord will try to stop the Elements of Harmony again he will be unable to resist ‘testing’ any plan he has made. So, if the Elements HAVE managed to to get around his plots he will leave himself wide open. Eventually.”
“How likely is that?” the Urchin asked and tilted up the pot-helmet that covered most of his head.
“Well, it depends on the probability that the Elements of Harmony have managed to use their bonds of friendship to overcome Discord’s schemes…” Lyra shrugged helplessly.”
“Right! That’ll be Twilight Sparkle and that Pinkie Pie! Twilight has a good head on her shoulders, if any pony can defeat Discord it will be her!” Donut Joe nodded his head, she had been a customer of his for a while and he knew that Twilight wouldn’t rest until a problem had been answered. Mostly she tossed a few books at the problem until she had solved it into submission.
“Sparkle!” Trixie growled and narrowed her eyes as she imagined her ‘rival’ triumphant.
Twilight and her little friends would likely be honored by none other then Princess Celestia herself as they paraded themselves down a line of grateful ponies. There Princess Celestia would bestow Twilight her thanks and most likely add a new stained glass window commemorating their victory over Discord. Trixie betted that they would even have a amazing musical score as through the entire ceremony!
“If any Pony is going to be paraded down an aisle to an flank-kicking musical score it is going to be Trixie!” Trixie blurted out loud.
“What-“ Donut Joe had begun to ask but before he could finish Trixie’s hoof had once more found itself in his mouth.
“Not now! The Great and Powerful Trixie has come to the conclusion that we cannot rely on the Elements of Harmony to beat Discord!” Trixie said and jumped to her hooves with a determined gaze on her face.
“We can’t?” the Urchin and Lyra asked in unison.
“No! The Great and Powerful Trixie WILL be the one to defeat these laughably, lame lackeys!
“She will?” the Urchin and Lyra asked again.
“YES! The Great and Powerful Trixie cannot stand by while Equestria is ravaged by Discord. Trixie shall beat Discord at his own game. First, she will sweep aside his minions before she casts down the dastardly Discord with her own two hooves! Then all of Equestria will cry out in gratitude to their savior, The Great and Powerful Trixie!” Trixie stomped her hoof against the floor and bathed in the applause of the Urchin and Lyra as they clapped their hooves together.
“Hold up one minute.” Donut Joe interrupted as he climbed to his hooves and pointed at Trixie. “First off, STOP putting your hood in my mouth. Second off, how in the name of jelly filling are you going to pull that off?”
“Oh, poor, simple Donut Joe.” Trixie grinned as she used her magic to lift up a plate from the counter to her face, “With a dinner and a show, of course.”
Trixie, Rarity, and the Plate of Donuts by Fauxsquared
“I swear Trixie, if I die under a pile of exploding, cream pies I will haunt you for the rest of my afterlife.” Donut Joe mumbled nervously as he stepped toward the door to his diner. The dozens of Screwballs had seen him now and immediately they had turned from bored to terribly excited as they amped up their barrage against his window.
Praying to Celestia that his diner would still be standing in the morning he slowly unlocked the his doorway and slammed open the glass doors. Which surprised the Screwballs completely, which gave more than enough time for Donut Joe to cross his brows and put a hoof to his flank as if he expected something from them.
“WELL? Don’t stand there gawking! You’re holdin’ up the line! Get in and get seated! The show is about to start!” Donut Joe growled at the Screwballs who looked back at him with even more surprise and confusion. “I said get in here NOW!!!”
To Joe’s surprise that seemed to do the trick as every Screwball trampled and tripped over one another to get inside of his diner, a few even glanced his way in fear of what he might do next. He continued to give them his cross look until every single Screwball had squeezed themselves into a chair or booth which they all squirmed in as they tried to not meet his gaze.
“Hmph. Alright then. Fillies and Genltecolts! Welcome, to Donut Joe’s Diner Dine-in Dramatic! Our headliner of the…’noon is the mare with no compare! The sensational, smart talking…Lyra!” Donut Joe did his best to flourish; he waved his hat in the air and pointed toward the diner counter where Lyra had emerged from behind the doorway to the kitchen with her hooves in the air.
“Thank you! Thank you my adoring fans!” Lyra shouted to the crowd of Screwballs who seemed to begin to perk up, the whole screw loose crowd began to clap and applaud in anticipation as if they had actually been waiting excitedly for a show this entire time.
“For my first act. I will need a little help from my good friend and partner…my little buddy, Dummy!” Lyra reached down underneath the counter and in one fluid motion sat on top of the counter with on her knee the colt that she and Trixie had dragged into the diner.
The colt’s eyes and mouth were wide open. From across the diner even Joe could see the square marker that had been drawn across his chin to make him look like a dummy in a poor excuse of a way. His hooves hanged at his sides limply and so did his face even as Lyra propped him up slightly and continued to speak.
“Dummy! Where are your manners? Say hello to the crowd!” Lyra tsked as she used her magic to wave his arm. In a high pitched voice and in a extremely noticeable attempt at ventriloquism she replied to herself, “Say hello crowd!”
The Screwballs though seemed to be eating it up as they burst out into laughter. A few of them actually bursting into confetti and reforming themselves in front of Donut Joe’s eyes. He was not sure if he should be sick or thankful that his diner wasn’t coated with pony everywhere.
“Trixie!” Donut Joe yelled toward the kitchen, “We need more help out here! Get the coffee and don’t forget the donuts this time!” He hoped he was convincing.
“Coming, coming. Keep your hairnet on, will you?” Trixie burst from the kitchen, not in her usual flourish, but more with the qualities of a battering ram. More importantly she levitated several coffee pots, donut trays, and even a pencil and notepad for taking orders. She did throw back her head and loudly, irritatingly hocked up an exaggerated spit take. “I’m workin’ here!”
She winked at him and descended upon the nearest of the Screwballs.
“Poor Ponies” Donut Joe breathed.
“Somepony order the double, mocha, coca, espresso, turnover, deluxe, cinnamon, toast, spice, chimichanga, hot coffee?” Trixie called out even as she levitated several coffee pots. The brews steamed and quivered in the air and with the slightest, tiniest shift of her magic splashed the contents of the pots toward several of the ‘patrons’ who were completely unaware of the fate flying toward them. Laughter turned to shrieks as the scalding coffee cascaded and sent Screwballs jumping and howling from their seats.
“There yah go, Sweeties.” Trixie smiled, her lips filled with something more sweet retribution then actual sweetness, “Now who ordered the jellies?”
Unaware of their approaching doom and their comrades plight a few of the Screwballs raised their hooves eagerly, their eyes still glued to the stage as Lyre and the Urchin as the two chased one another around the stage honking clown horns. Oh, too happy to oblige Trixie floated plates stacked with apparently normal powdered, jelly donuts. They looked normal enough, lightly, powdered lumps of dough the size of a pony’s hoof. They looked oh-so-fresh and oh-so-good. And they were…for the most part.
The looks of confectionary bliss turned sour after the first bite and their taste buds tasted the special fillings.
Toothpaste. Hoof cream. Dish soap. Spoiled milk that was closer to a solid cheese like substance. Scrapings from unspeakable places in Donut Joe’s kitchen.
Trixie was a hurricane of unpleasant dining experience incarnate, stuffing moldy, stale donuts down laughing throats, tossing hot plates into hooves, and tossing overpriced checks like throwing stars. The Screwballs toppled in droves, falling to the ground clutching sick stomachs and burning limbs.
“’Misdirection is the magician’s trade. Distract your audience and then pull the magic hat over their eyes.’ Well, I guess if it works.” Donut Joe leaned out the door and looked down the street in either direction. The streets of Canterlot were empty, except for the parts of it that seemed to be turning into swiss cheese or were being flooded by chocolate, milkshake typhoons. It was the perfect time for an escape.
“Well, folks you have been a wonderful audience!” Lyra smiled to the debilitated audience, those not slumped in their chairs were on the floor. “Say goodbye, dummy!”
“Dummy, goodbye say!” the street urchin chimed in before the two ponies leapt up from their chair on the stage. Lyra was covered in banana cream pie and the street urchin was soaked with seltzer water.
“Trixie has never worked so hard in her life. “ Trixie fanned herself with an empty carrying tray, she paused to smack the tray over the head of a Screwball who seemed to begin to right herself, “Granted, it may have been one of my best performances…”
“Can we get away now?” the street urchin asked cautiously when he cantered up to the doorway and peaked out sheepishly.
“Looks like it. Let’s make a break for it!” Donut Joe ushered the Ponies out and turned around to lock the door behind him.
“What are you doing? Trixie and company has got to get out of here!” Trixie poked Donut Joe in the back reaptedly as he fumbled with his keys.
“I’ve gotta lock up! I can’t have some random pony just walk by and steal all my silverware!” Donut Joe growled and locked the door with a loud snap of tumbling locks.
“Oh, dear, just imagine it. Can’t have people running off with the good silverware! How absolutely dreadful!” a voice tutted behind Donut Joe, the Ponies turned around to face the God of Chaos.
“Discord!” Lyra gasped.
“The one and only, well technically two but I am technically only here because I am projecting an aspect of my conscious being. I’m just too lazy to get off my throne in Ponyville to squash you little pests.” Discord yawned and stretched as he floated through the air.
“D-discord! B-back to face the full-full might of the Great and Powerful Trixie?” Trixie pushed Donut Joe aside to face the master of calamity.
“Is there an echo in here? Here to face you? Hardly, while your ‘trick’ was cute you are hardly a challenge to me. Maybe I will make you into a monkey and keep you as a pet?” Discord reached down and slapped a fez and empty cup onto Trixie then pulled an organ grinder out of nowhere and began to play its tune.
“Trixie is no ponies’ monkey! She also is no ponies’ second act, Trixie is always the main attraction!” Trixie tossed the fez back at Discord, “Let us match magic to magic again! Take this!”
Trixie’s horn glowed with magical energy that exploded outward toward Discord who looked stunned by the sudden display of power. Not to be outdone Discord raised his claws and fired back with his own twisted form of magical energy. The two beams of magic crashed together with a burst of multicolored light and barely contained forces, each fighting to push the other back, the air split with the amazing display of arcane energies. This contest was ended when Trixie’s spell pierced the core of Discord’s magic and bathed Discord in warping forces beyond any Pony’s control!
“No! This is how it ends for me! The Great and Powerful Trixie defeats me! Oh, I feel so honored and am not worth-“Discord’s words cut off as he disappeared in a wave of rainbow that spread out across Canterlot curing it of Discord’s chaos.
“Trixie! You’ve saved us all!” Donut Joe shouted with joy as crowds of Ponies appeared from nowhere and cheered on Trixie as Equestria’s savior. From the sky Princess Celestia herself ascended from her palace and knelt before Trixie.
“Please, do hear my plea, oh Great and Powerful Trixie. Be my number one student and apprentice, truly Twilight can never hope to meet your greatness and ability.”
“Oh, Princess I don’t know…”
“Trixie…please!”
“I mean I was just invited to perform on Broadhoof in Manehattan…”
“Trixie…Trixie...!”
“Oh, what the hay, I accept. I’m sure Trixie can clear her schedule…”
“TRIXIE! ORDER UP! Take these to table six” Donut Joe’s voice smashed Trixie’s fantasy apart and pulled her from her day dreaming and back into the reality of Donut Joe’s diner. Donut Joe leaned out from behind the door to the kitchen, clutched in his levitation magic were two plates filled with sprinkled donuts.
“I HEARD YOU!” Trixie shouted back, her magic snatched the plates out of the air even as she stormed across the diner. The battle against Discord had been a week ago and they had barely survived the storm of chaos that he had unleashed. After dealing with the Screwballs they had scrambled down the street only for a rainbow to wash over Equestria and turn everything back to normal. They had returned to the diner to help the Screwballs-Turned-Ponies back to their feet, though their insanity had disappeared their stomach aches and pains had not. Luckily, for Donut Joe the memories of the Ponies had been very…fuzzy and had not remembered what they had eaten or otherwise. Canterlot had been swamped the next day with Ponies that had arrived for the award ceremonies celebrating Twilight Flying Feathers Sparkle and her friends’ victory over Discord. Donut Joe had been elated at the business while Trixie had been in a depressed funk over Everypony praising Twilight Sparkle’s victory.
“Curse that Twilight. I had Discord on the ropes! I could have beaten him and saved Equestria. I swear if I see that Twiligh-“
“Trixie? Is that you?” Trixie’s ears perked up at the sound of the familiar and annoying voice. Her body froze in mid step as she stopped and turned around to face a table she had just passed by.
There sat Twilight Sparkle and her friends. With the exception of Pinkie Pie, who smiled and waved, they looked at her with a mixture of shock, surprise, and amusement. The mares and dragon looked up at her from behind their menus; it looked like they had arrived at some point when Trixie had been day dreaming.
“Uh…” Trixie’s mind grasped for words, something, anything she could say to them, “Ca…Can I…Can I take your order?”
