Authors Note:
This is mainly a story to bring the timelines up to speed. Not much action, just a refresher in a way. But it DOES bring forth a pretty popular character.
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A little nonsense now and then is treasured by the wisest men
-Anonymous
A month had passed since the end of the E.W.R.E.C. and Joshua was getting himself settled back into his cloud castle on the outskirts of Cloudsdale. He'd taken some time off in order to finalize some personal matters back in his world, as well as give a final notice to those he used to call his relatives to tell them to all go fuck themselves. He knew he wasn't responsible for the loss of his breeders and he was done dealing with the hatred and bullshit his extended family was giving him.
Now a fair-haired teenager, turning 16 in only a week, Josh had been brought to Equestria at the request of Princess Celestia as the first human ever to grace the kingdom. At first, he'd been told his reasons were to "try and impart some new life lessons", but in the course of a quarter-year, things had grown complicated. Attacks on his life, constant stays in the hospital... and the necklace he now called "The Key Of Resonance"... given to him by a friend, Zecora, unaware likely of the secrets it held, including that of a spirit he'd come to call Kira.
All the events had made it so the motive for Josh's being brought to Equestria was shrouded and almost conflicted. In time he wanted to get straight answers from Princess Celestia and Luna. But for now, he was happy to let the others rest and deal with matters.
In the span of time that he and Meowth, his feline confidante, had been away in his realm, a number of changes had undertaken Ponyville. The Library was no more, destroyed by a tryant's magical blast into a smoldering heap of rubble. Twilight Sparkle, the most studious of his group of new friends now bore a new set of wings, a majestic transformation having taken place not just 2 days after his departure thanks to her completing a long-forgotten spell, and the title of "Princess Twilight." A new glass castle on the outskirts of Ponyville was her home, as well as a meeting place for her and her group of fellow Elements, although they didn't really call themselves that much anymore.
But the one thing that hadn't changed was the love given by his partner, Rainbow Dash, a cyan-colored pegasus with rainbow hair, a wild spark tail, and the cutie mark of a rainbow-colored lightning bolt on her flank like a makeshift tattoo.
"Been meaning to get myself one of those cutie marks...", he murmured as he readjusted the patch along his bruised and battered face. His left eye had been removed due to complications from an attack by Champagne during the events of the E.W.R.E.C. and, while he was scheduled to get a replacement in a matter of days, he still was left having to cover his empty socket with the plain black patch, giving him the look of, as Apple Bloom had jokingly put it, "The World's Youngest Pirate.".
It had also led to numerous rumors about what the disfigurement looked like, a good number of ponies having asked him what the wound was like. But Josh refused adamantly to show, not wanting to sensationalize his cycloptic stature. Not even Rainbow Dash, his sweetheart, nor Meowth, his best friend, had ever seen what was left of the left side of his face and when Dr. Whooves had given him the patch and unwrapped the bandages, all he would say was that Josh needed to count his blessings that he was still alive.
His hair had grown back, allowing him to obscure the patch and the slight dent in his face with raven-colored bangs and admittedly getting a few wolf-whistles on occasion from some of the ponies in town, but he was still looking forward to not having to wear that irritating and slighty itchy fabric over his socket anymore, more than once having troubles showering or washing his face due to the patch becoming loose and the feeling of his empty orbital socket filling up with water not at all being pleasant, more akin to feeling like worms had taken up residence in his skull. The other stitches and scars had, for the most part, faded out with the help of Rarity's concealer and makeup magic, returning his skin to its former boyish charm, albeit still a little cragged in a few spots.
Laying back on the bed in the bedroom he shared with his sweetie and his best friend, Josh placed his hands behind his head and looked up at the ceiling, the wallpaper and designs of the Wonderbolts Aerial Team staring back at him. A short whistle left his lips as he reflected on his plans now that he was done with all the flip-flop bullshit. He'd even agreed to take some Anger Management classes with Fluttershy's help in order to control some of his more violent urges so he didn't end up picking into a battle that could end in his demise.
It wasn't until he heard a knock on the wall that his mind was brought back into the waking world. Sitting up and rubbing his eye, he found himself looking at the face of one of his new allies... a yellow pegasus with a smooth cotton-candy mane hanging over one of her emerald-colored irises. A trio of pink butterflies served on her flank as her cutie mark and the voice that soon filled the room was soft and barely above the squeak of a rodent.
"H-hi, Josh.... You got a second?"
With a soft smile, Josh nodded. "Of course, here take a seat.", he added as he scooted over and patted the dark blue bedsheet he was sitting on, Fluttershy trotting over and sitting on the edge, letting her hindlegs dangle over the side.
"First off... how are you feeling?"
"Well I'm a one-eyed human in a land of equines and I'm renting space in my head to a spirit given to me by our mystical and all-knowing friend, Zecora, so yeah I'd say I'm feeling pretty flipping fantastic."
He'd also been making a concerned effort to tone down on the amount of profanities that he spoke as a favor to Princess Celestia, as well as a good many of the parent ponies in town not wanting to have to explain what words like "fuck" and "asshole" really meant. To be honest, he was surprised that Dash knew some of the choicier words herself and even more shocked about Twilight letting loose that f-strike in the boutique.
"Um.... uh...", Fluttershy stammered for a moment before Josh sighed.
"I'm doing ok, Shy. Just relaxing and thinking about things...."
"Oh? Like what?"
"At the risk of using an idiom I'm not sure you're familiar with "Life, the Universe, and Everything" I'm basically just letting my train of thought run from track to track with no real direction in sight."
Fluttershy nodded in reply. "Little daydreaming never really hurt anypony, right?"
"Yeah. So... what did you want to talk about?"
She cleared her throat and took a deep breath and for a moment, Josh almost thought she was gonna show another rare mark of her hidden depths.
"I was wondering if you wanted to come by my cottage in an hour or so... I'm having some tea and snacks with a friend and I'd love to introduce you two."
"Uh....", it was Josh's turn to stammer a small bit as he rubbed his crotch, "Angel Bunny gonna be there?"
She knew he was referring to the scrotum shot from her pet bunny and a momentary wince went over her face. "Yeah... but I promise he's not gonna try a stunt like that ever again. Hoof to heart, he was just protecting me... or at least he thought he was."
"Yeah, well I'm still nursing after his nutcracker." Josh grimaced, "Still get an ocassional drop of blood when I go to the bathroom, hoping that passes."
"I'll have him stay in his hutch or something... Please don't be mad."
"Naw, it's cool.... Anypony else gonna be there?"
"I asked our friends, but I don't know if any of them are gonna show. I know Meowth and Applejack are busy with some farm repairs and Twilight's cleaning up her castle a bit. I think she's not used to having actual maids or something."
"Huh... Kinda took Twilight Sparkle to be in the upper bracket....", he mused to himself before turning back to Fluttershy, "Yeah sure, I'll come. Just give me a chance to shower and I'll be over. Should I bring anything?"
Fluttershy gave a soft cheer of delight. "No, I've got it taken care of. I can't wait for you to meet him!"
Before he could say anything, Fluttershy got up and trotted over to the open doorway. But she stopped and turned towards her human friend.
"And Josh..... great to have you back."
With that, she vanished into the dark of the hallway and soon Josh could hear the sounds of her flying out the nearby window. With a sigh of resignation, he got up and cricked his neck before heading out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. Slipping off his clothes and looking at the yellow waterproof stero on the sink, he just smirked a bit before going to the case of cds next next to it, the Wonderbolts Insignia on the leather top, and rifling through the selection he and Dash had picked out together.
"Nine Inch Nails... Sudden Fields of Green... The Colt Crooners... Five Ways to Remember.... Breaking Benjamin... This one looks good."
Taking a blue-coated CD and popping it into the slot, he listened as the coarse guitar began to play and he turned on the water. But before he swtepped inside, he gave a small sigh and went over to the medicine cabinet on the side of the large mirror adorning the bathroom wall.
Slowly, he took out a thin plastic case, little bigger than a matchbox, and fastened it around his patch. It was a measure to make sure the water didn't break through into his skull... again. He didn't know how such a small piece of plastic protected an equally small strip of cloth, but by now he had learned not to question Twilight's inventions. It felt heavy, like wearing a pair of goggles, but he knew it was needed for the time being.
Finally, he allowed the faucet to create a nice steamy froth before stepping in and letting the warm water caress his nude body, dripping along his abdomen and coating his body like a hot towel on a cold day as the singer began in his wavery voice.
The water felt refreshing and cleansing, like a rain on a hot day. It was just him, alone with his thoughts and the music. The images of the Wonderbolts routines plastered on the tile stared back at him like a mirror
Giving a slight laugh, Josh picked up a large red loofah and gently began to scrub down his body. He'd been meaning to play this song sometime over the Weather Patrol P.A. as a sort of goof, all the talks of weather and jokes seeming to fit the tone of their job. As he spread the bar of Aloe's Cleansing Body Mist over his forearms, he mused to himself at how subconsciously, he'd grown attached to having music playing when he cleaned... Ever since he'd put on Linkin Park when he'd been reading into Dash's Journal, it just felt right to have a sort of cacophony in the background to accompany the sounds of rushing water.
Josh couldn't resist singing along to the final chorus as he washed up his mat of black hair. He knew his voice was nowhere on Fluttershy or Pinkie Pie's level of good in singing, but it was still a hobby he liked to enjoy from time to time.
Finally, he turned off the faucet as the long guitar solo closed out the song and climbed out of the shower, removing the guard carefully from his patch and replacing it into the cabinet's depths. Inwardly he already planning to burn the patch in a hot fire and make smores with Pinkie above its ashes as soon as he had the new organ implanted, it wasn't even a question at this point he hated the thing so much.... even if it did make him more convincing when he played Pirates with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Exhaling a long shallow breath, he turned off the stereo and looked long and hard before turning to the necklace he'd wrapped onto the doorknob.
"For the love of Celestia's grace, stay benign.", he whispered as he placed the necklace around him before slipping into a pair of sweats the color of lavendar and a lime green T with the words "I'm with Stupid" printed in white above a large red arrow pointing directly to his right. He knew by the time he left, the words would be covered by his jacket, so he wasn't too worried about the message on the shirt upsetting anyone....
Although he'd bring some heavy duty tape... just in case.
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It took all of an hour for him to get dressed and fly down to the sublet of Ponyville where Fluttershy's cottage, its yellow glimmering walls, its overcoat of a leafy roof and its wooden swing door giving it altogether the appearance of a fairy tale grotto, rested amidst a small forest of trees and birdhouses. He'd only been there a couple of times and usually.... the results of said visit were rather painful. First time he'd cracked his skull on a branch and the second was the reason he'd fastened a makeshift cup out of a strainer bowl and a metal tray onto his crotch.
The songs of all the hummingbirds, bluejays, and chickadees filled his ears like a symphony from Mother Nature himself.
In the few months he'd been in Equestria, he'd learned that Fluttershy, while not a complete recluse in any sense of the word, still often identified more with her animal friends than she did the sentient ones, the irony of the whole situation lost. He'd considered asking if she'd been tested for Asperger's Syndrome sometime, since he knew that one of the biggest characteristics of the disorder was having more empathy towards creatures than people... or in this case other ponies. But he didn't want to offend her, knowing that she was extremely sensitive to the point where even the slightest prank or slight could unnerve her... even though she was getting confidence lessons from Rainbow Dash and a minotaur by the name of Iron Will.
Masking a yawn, Josh rubbed his eye and knocked on the door leading into the cottage, a soft voice calling out to him.
"We're inside!"
He reached out to open the door when he felt a tug on his sweats. He didn't even need to turn to know who it was, soon feeling a brush of wind rise up from the swing of a spade....
But this time, a loud GONG filled the air and, when Josh turned around, the door opening at the sound, they all found themselves staring as a visibly shaking Angel Bunny, the reverb kickback from his garden tool connecting with the scroto-shield. With a grim laugh, he lightly patted his crotch and walked over to Angel, the rabbit on all fours trying to regain composure.
"Josh????", Rarity called out from the doorway, "What was that noise???"
"Trick Gilda taught me.", he remarked before turning to Angel, "Now that you know I'm protected, you're not gonna try that again, are you? I said I was sorry, end of story."
The rabbit, through his double vision, barely managed a nod and crawled unsteadily into the cottage, Josh following in behind him. In the front room of Fluttershy's garden paradise was a large round table set up and all of their group sitting around in anticipation. To see Twilight Sparkle, Meowth, and Applejack among the sitters brought a small grin to his face.
"I thought this was just gonna be a small gathering, Shy!", he remarked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Well..", Fluttershy blushed, "When they heard who was attending, they wanted to be here."
"And no offense darlin'...", Applejack spoke up, "But we ain't talkin' bout you."
"That honestly alarms me a small bit.", he admitted before looking around, "So.... should I get a chair or something?"
"Um... not yet...", Fluttershy shook her head, "First I'd like you to meet someone special...."
She turned and called out to the kitchen entrance, "Okay, you can come out now!"
What emerged from the large arched alcove was something out of a Kipling or Sendak book, those two names immediately coming to mind. It was a large animal creature, about 6 feet in stature with a very lanky build. It looked like a mishmash of assorted animal limbs and parts, from its pony and gila monster legs to its lion and chicken paws, it was like someone had reached into a box of assorted animal leftovers and gone to work like a mad scientist. Its brown chest, baring a lone blue wing along its midriff was similar to that of Gilda, it's tail a fine magenta with a puff of white at the tip. The head..... he didn't know WHAT animal comprised its face, looking thin like a zebra or giraffe, but with the build of an elder ram. A white tuft of hair hung down from its chin, a lone fang sparkling in the sunlight. As if to top of the icing on the weirdness pie rested a pair of mismatched antlers, one thin as a broken twig and the other bulky and stocked like a crunched up tube of toothpaste.
"So.. I finally meet the infamous "Lone Human of Equestria.", it smirked in a voice akin to that of a very sly and sneaky individual sizing up his next plot for world domination, "I assume you're Joshua?"
Josh didn't say a single word, he couldn't. He felt all words seeming to fail him right then and there.
"...................................."
He stood there in gaped silence, opening and closing his mouth almost autonomously for almost 5 minutes as the ponies and Meowth all struggled to hold back laughter.
"Well c'mon boy!", the creature remarked, its large yellow and red eyes focusing in on him, "Say something! Surely you've encountered a fine and elegant Draconequus like me before! In a town like this, it's as normal as buying milk!"
Josh just stood there for another couple of minutes before FINALLY managing to stammer out a reply.
"This.... this is a joke, right? That's Pinkie Pie in a costume or something, right??"
"But I'm right here!", the pink pony remarked from her seat next to Rarity, "Aren't I?"
"I assure you I am quite real indeed.", the Draconequus scoffed as if affronted by the accusation, "Some of my tricks may seem unreal, but I am 100% in the flesh!"
"Although we ain't too sure how much of that IS flesh!", Meowth cracked.
"So c'mon!", it insisted, "You don't want to come off as rude to our hostess do you? Extend a greeting!"
Josh just stared at the creature and his first impulse was to tear open the door and run like the devil himself was on his heels. Ponies were one thing, dragons another, gryffins... even that seemed plausible.... but this... this... this monstrosity.... it was making his flesh tinge like red hot pincers were digging into the tissues and nerves. But he knew he had to say something, anything.... just to break the tension that was filling the room. He knew fainting was out of the question, as were screams and profanities.
"I'm.... I'm.... yeah.... I'm Joshua....", he managed to quaver out, his voice shaken and cold, as he extended a trembling hand out and watched the Draconequus approach him.
"Nicely done.", it remaked, grasping Josh's hand with its chicken talon and giving it a firm shake.
"Who..... who..... who or WHAT... in the holy hell ARE you?!" The swear seemed to erupt from his mouth almost involuntarily.
"My name... is Discord. My job is the former Spirit of Chaos. You could say I'm a fair bit of a shapeshifting element.", it spoke with a tone of pride in its voice like it was announcing having won for student body president, "Perhaps in time you'll even get the honor of seeing some of what I can do."
Seeing the wink in Discord's face, Josh felt the temptation to turn and get the hell outta dodge come up again, an urge to scream rising up his gorge like water through a hose. By now, all the ponies could see he was paling dangerously and immediately they began to wonder if they'd pushed his level of belief a bit too far. Hurriedly, Pinkie Pie got up and helped Josh into a small red chair, similar to that of a folding stool.
"C'mon now. Just take a seat."
Josh barely managed to get out a nod before Discord snapped his fingers and soon several trays of sandwiches, cookies, cheeses, even vegetables appeared on the large table before them all, the ponies all oohing and cheering. The Draconequus just stood there, a look of pleasure on his visage as the equines and feline marveled in all the snacks prepared before them. On one tray sat a mountain of sandwiches of various types; monte cristos, butter and jellys, reubens, bread-and-topping combos of every conceivable type resting stacked atop one another like edible bricks in a wall. A similar situation could be said for the other plates, various treats of all shapes, sizes, textures, tangs, and tastes piling up like minature landfills. Complimenting the trays of foodables were large pitchers of milk, tea, lemonade, even ice water. Altogether it looked like a small indoor picnic!
"Ya ponies sure know how ta do tea parties!", Meowth marveled as he reached for a tuna melt.
"Tea parties, block parties, house parties, we do it all!", Pinkie Pie cheered, taking a hoof full of sugar cookies and devouring them as Discord took a seat between Josh and Rarity.
"So tell me.", Discord remarked, clasping his mismatched hands, "What exactly has happened involving this young man? Anything I should be aware of?"
Rainbow Dash took a wedge of swiss before she started, "Hoo boy, do we have a LOT to tell you!"
"Well go ahead. I'm all ears."
"Well, first he gets brought in here at Celestia's guidance, then he's here for less than a day before getting attacked by a group of bigoted nutjobs... almost as bad as those Changelings!"
"Yech....", Twilight Sparkle grimaced as she hoofed her face in chagrin, "Don't remind me. I STILL have trouble looking Cadence in the eye!"
"You didn't know...", Fluttershy assured her, "Chrysalis was a pretty convincing doppleganger."
"But she was such a meanie!", Pinkie Pie insisted, wiping the last of the sugar from her mouth, "Bashing the decorations, criticizing the cake, calling us pathetic... SHE TURNED DOWN MY SPECIAL TOFFEE CAKE!"
"Wow....", Meowth remarked, swallowing his mouthful, "Sounds like a bit more than just a meanie."
"Oh that's nothing compared to Sombra!", Rarity added, "He tried to destroy an empire JUST FOR THE SAKE OF EVIL! How nasty can you get?!"
"I know!", Twilight agreed, drinking from her glass of lemonade, "But yeah, after that, he was given a set of wings by Luna!"
"Just like that??", Discord asked in mock affront, "If I'd known she was that giving, I'D have asked for better wings!"
"Little more complicated than that.", Applejack glared, "Josh... well... Remember how you tried to turn us against each other?"
A mixture of nostalgic bliss and shame merged in Discord's mind as he remembered his first time freed of the stone cell that he'd been forced to call his home thanks to Princess Celestia. Since he'd become friends with Fluttershy, the one part of that whole ordeal that he was still coming to terms with was that he had, in an essence, mind-raped the Elements of Harmony; an act that was normally punishable by a swift execution, being one of the few things Princess Celestia truly and utterly loathed.
"Yeah?"
"Well..", Applejack sighed, "Least you didn't try to cremate any of us."
At this, Discord actually looked a little horrified. "Where's the fun in doing that?! I live for chaos, not genocide!"
"Yeah, well these brutes...", Rarity continued, "Left him strung up to die. Made poor Fluttershy violently sick and nearly gave Dash a stroke."
"Enough! Eugh!", Discord cut her off, "That's just..... stop!"
Rarity shirked in her seat, equally as uncomfortable at having to bring up the memory. "Ponies copying my outfits I can get over, rejection I can get over... but, how do you get over that!?"
"Same way Granny Smith got over that tonic that Flim and Flam tried to pawn on us... Is it just me or do they seem to try and scam mah family in particular??? First the cider, then that sugar water!"
Pinkie Pie just patted the fellow earth pony on her back in comfort.
"Sad truth is, as much as your family has done to help Ponyville...", Twilight sadly remarked, "Some ponies can't look past the cowpony's drawl to see what they're capable of."
"Stereotypes...", Rarity grumbled, "Makes me sick to my stomach."
"Anyways..", Rainbow Dash continued, "Then Celestia found out what they did and banished them altogether! It was SOOOOO funny watching some of them sputter!"
"She EXILED them?!", Discord gasped, "I didn't think she BELIEVED in that!"
"She doesn't like to resort to it, but filling fillies full of hate and indoctrinating them to try and slay anypony or anyone different than them.... She didn't think a sin like that was even conceivable!"
Hearing Princess Twilights words, Discord just sighed in dismay. "Bigotry.... an evil I utterly hated. If everypony was the same, the world would be a boring and desolate place.... not even habitable for Draconequus like me."
"Yeah......", Rainbow Dash sighed, "And Miss Harshwhinny's brother was one of the ones involved.... she was already strict and stoic before, but after that, she grew incredibly dour... She doesn't even know that I'm WITH Josh... I worry if I tell her, her head'll explode or something!"
"Funny, I never took you to be much of the worrying sort.", Discord replied with a slight smirk ebbing on his fanged face.
"Drop it...", the pegasus glared, taking in a big mouthful of a BLT and glaring at him, her cheeks bulging full of bacon, lettuce, tomato, dressing, and bread
"Then we ran into this creepo named Champagne.", Pinkie Pie continued the story, "Had the gall to call Dashie-Dash and Applejack Daniels pathetic and weak!"
"First off, please don't call me Applejack Daniels...", Applejack spoke up, taking a swig from her glass of water, "It was hard enough explaining to Bloom some of the choice words that Champagne was using, hay if I'm able to explain to her that Hardshell's named a drink with cider, vodka, and lime after me!"
This actually made a fair few of the ponies start to snicker.
"I think Hardshell was trying to do you an honor and didn't quite think it through.", Rarity remarked in between supressed giggles, "Heaven knows we've done that at least once.... Tickets to that musical you had to miss..."
"Desperate to throw the perfect slumber party..."
"Trying to make it so I was the only party planner in Ponyville..."
"Trying to do Applebucking Season all on my own..."
"Tagging along with Darring-Do and nearly leading to her end..."
"The whole pet debacle..."
This one made all the ponies, Meowth, Discord, and even Josh look at Fluttershy in a little surprise.
"Whatever HAPPENED to Tank anyway??", Applejack asked, scratching her ear.
"Fluttershy's watching over him.", Rainbow Dash explained, "It's kinda hard to have a tortoise living in the clouds without constantly thinking he'll tumble off and nail somepony in the head."
"Aeschylus..."
The murmur from the human caught the attention of the group around him as Josh slowly removed his jacket, talking almost absently.
"Aeschwho?", Applejack asked.
"Bless you.", Discord joked, getting a slight chuckle from Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie.
"Aeschylus. One of my teachers in high school talked about him as a great Athenian writer... He had that happen to him, turtle falling on his head..."
"Ow....", Discord winced, "Guessing it didn't end well?"
Josh cast a look at Discord, still trying to comprehend what was seated next to him. "He got hit with a flipping turtle, what do you think?"
In response, Meowth hummed a small funeral dirge.
"Exactly..."
Fluttershy could sense the conversation was getting a little terse, so she moved it along. "So then Dashie and Applejack got invested in this eating contest, wanting to show him what they were made of..."
"So then, Granny Smith made them this big feast and Rainbow Dash barfed all over Rarity!"
The way Pinkie Pie said this was a little too exuberant and almost as soon as she finished speaking she realized her error, although Discord was too busy laughing to notice.
"She WHAT?!", he gasped in between peals.
Dash and Rarity looked away from each other, rubbing their forehooves in what looked like syncronized shame.
"Lost her cookies in the hallway.... Ah lost mine in the bathroom...", Applejack grimaced, "Not exactly a good time for anyone involved. But the day got worse when Rarity kinda..... well..."
The voice that emerged from Rarity Alison Belle was one of sheer regret. "I.... attacked them. Made Fluttershy and Pinkie cry.... made my sister cry......"
Josh looked away as well, his jacket still halfway on his body, hanging haphazardly. "I.... saw red and did something pretty awful....", he whispered.
"I kinda des-", Rarity started to say, but Josh's terse voice cut her off in a tone that was almost screaming for her to drop it
"No. You. Didn't. I. Screwed. Up.", he said haltingly, a faint twince in his good eye.
Fluttershy nodded solemnly, remembering when she, herself, had lambasted Rarity and Pinkie Pie and made both of them cry.
Twilight read the inflection immediately and took the initiative. "So after that, there was this big interview at this bratwurst place and.....". The alicorn went silent, almost afraid to say what happened next.
"And what??", Discord asked.
"..........Josh..... died."
Rainbow Dash managed to croak this out with a violent shudder, the horrible memory still in her mind. "That.... that creep.... broke his face open.... electrocuted him and cracked his skull...."
Discord paused in disbelief. "Little dramatic and hard to believe."
Josh gave him a deathly glare. "I don't know what the fuck you are and you're calling THAT nonsense!?"
"I'm just saying!", the Draconequus asserted, "Death is death! If you died, how are you sitting here?!"
"Gilda and Zecora...", Dash continued, "They had this special holy water.... It brought him back...."
"Water?!", Discord shouted, "COME ON, NOW YOU'RE JUST MESSING WITH ME!"
"Ask Gilda sometime!". Meowth snarled, "She saw EVERYTHING!"
"Girls, I've done unspeakable and bizarre things to you, but that borders on levels of chaos even I would never dare to touch!!!!!"
"It gets worse...", Pinkie Pie muttered, "Champagne bribed someone at the paper to write a false report and paint Josh to look like he was some sort of----"
"Please... stop."
Josh looked at his hands for a second before looking up at them.... his voice shaky and strained, as if even saying the words was hurting him inside.
"I don't want to relive any more of this... hell I was away for a month so I could FORGET!!!"
Josh stood up, shaking back his sadness, and looked at Discord through a bleary eye. "Just... enough..."
"But...", Discord spoke, an unusually timid tone to his words, "I'm just trying to find out what's going on...."
"It's simple. Champagne was a... a.... a bastard... He led to me doing some demented things, hurting ponies that I loved.... and in the end.... he got what he deserved."
"So he lost the contest?", Discord raised a bushy eyebrow, "Doesn't sound like much of a punishment."
"No... he lost more than that...", Twilight replied, seeing the teenager shaking from the memories roaring back, "He lost way more than that...."
Josh took a deep breath before he spoke, letting all his thoughts and feelings collect into one synergy before he put them into sound.
"The Hell he is enduring... is his penance. A penance for the lives he destroyed, the sins he has committed..... Death for him would have been too lenient.... No, we want him to live a LONG, LONG life.... we want to see him have to watch us flourish and prosper, time passing all around him, until the day comes when his mane turns to gray and he passes from this eternity a broken and bitter old mule. It is what he wrought, it is what he deserves!"
Everyone, even Discord, was looking on sheer astonishment at the teen now on his feet, a blaze in his eye almost seeming to pop his remaining eyeball out of its socket.
"Discord.... You're a former spirit of disharmony and anarachy, right?", he whispered in a voice devoid of emotion.
"Yeah... I was...", the creature replied, curious to where the human being was going with this.
"You want to know WHY I'm so skeptical of you even real, even though I've accepted EVERYTHING else about this... this.... THIS INSANE SITUATION I'm in!? It's not that I don't believe you exist.... It's that I don't WANT to believe you exist... I don't want to believe there was a higher power that had a role in all that happened... that I was MEANT to be mutilated physically AND mentally.... Because.... honestly if that's the case.... how I'm not trying to slit your lanky feathery throat is a miracle!"
"Josh...", Rainbow Dash soothed her lover, "It's ok.... he didn't have a hoof in any of it."
"He wasn't even alive when you first came here! He was in that statue!"
Hearing Pinkie Pie's words, Discord glared at her. "Thank you for bringing up an old wound of my one... But she's right. Even if I had been able to use my powers, I would never have done some of the artocities that Celestia told me about the other day."
This made everypony gasp in surprise.
"You.. KNEW!?", Twilight asked in disbelief, "You knew about what happened and you made him relive it??"
"Twilight... Twilight... Twilight...", Discord clucked his tongue, "I needed to hear it from a second source... I needed to know it actually happened. Funny thing about being a statue, you're woefully unaware of ANYTHING of the outside world... and I know your princess, honorable as she is, can sometimes get a little..... carried away in the truth."
Josh pursed his lips, but sat down in acknowledgement as Discord continued.
"Even at my most wicked, even at my peak, I would never do trick or magic that could lead to somepony actually DYING. My main goal was to amuse myself at the expense of others and make Equestria a little more.... entertaining. Brainwashing ponies to go against each other is one thing..... but to coerce a pony to commit murder and rape.... I would just as soon go back into that HELL of a stone prison than allow myself to even be PART of something so.... barbaric!"
The look in Discord's eyes almost seemed.... genuine. Every pony in the room felt themselves actually gain a little sense of respect for the trickster, all knowing where he was coming from and even Josh's anger seemed to die a little.
"When she told me about your friends injuries, I couldn't even believe such evil was FATHOMABLE outside of Tirek... and last I checked, he had a life sentence in that otherworld prison you ponies trapped him in!"
Rarity nodded at this, "Hopefully he'll be rotting there for a very long time."
"Hopefully..", Discord agreed, "But that is not the point....."
The Draconequus put his talon onto Josh's jacketed shoulder, an action that made the teen grimace slightly.
"I would never even CONTEMPLATE doing something akin to what you were involved in."
"And considering your own list of felonies..... Making me uneat an apple..."
"Making me fall in love with a boulder..."
"Making me abandon my friends..."
"Causing my home to get destroyed..."
"Nearly CRIPPLING all of Equestria..."
"ALRIGHT!", Discord shouted, "We get it!"
"Sometimes I wonder if you do...", Rainbow Dash remarked, casting a wary eye on him, "Half the time you appear, I'm still expecting you to try turning one of us into a puppet or something!"
Discord just sighed in sheer frustration. "We've gotten WAY off track, haven't we?"
"A bit, yes....", Fluttershy replied.
"So come on...", he insisted, "This is supposed to be a party, right? A little meet and greet... so why are we just sitting and brooding over the past? If we don't get over our thens.... how can we make better nows?"
A weird silence filled the room as the occupants all just stared at him in a mix of disbelief and surprise.
"Can't rightly say I ever imagined you saying something like that.", Applejack admitted.
"Yeah, well when you have someone like Fluttershy trying to keep you on the straight and narrow, it gives you a good amount of time to think."
The next few minutes were spent enjoying the snacks and exchanging pleasantries. Even Josh managed to take in one of the cookies, leaning back and allowing the rest of his jacket to slide off.
That... was when the snickering and titters started.
It began small, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash giving a few snorts as they looked at the human. Then Applejack found herself having to suppress a laugh herself... and soon nearly the entire table was covering their mouths, trying to stem the flow of mirth that wanted to erupt, leaving Josh and Discord looking at each other, then at the ponies.
"Anyone care to enlighten us on the joke?", Discord asked.
"Yeah, do I have something on my face?", Josh added.
"No... *snrk* More like.....", Rarity struggled to get the words out through suppressed giggles... "More like...."
"Something more on your shirt...", Applejack sputtered.
Josh and Discord looked at his top, the lime green fabric, the black lettering, the red arrow....
Then the laughter came out in full force as the two males realized what was so funny.
Discord had been sitting in the exact position as indicated by Josh's "I'm with Stupid." arrow and it was only with the other half of his thick black covering falling to the floor that the full of the insinuation came out as Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Meowth, and Twilight Sparkle burst into such a roar of laughter that they nearly all collapsed.
Dashie was on the ground with Fluttershy, both of the pegasi holding their sides, Pinkie Pie was cleaning up the milk she'd spat out from her snout, Meowth and Rarity were laughing so hard they had tears pouring down their cheeks, Applejack was pounding on the table in loud guffaws and Twilight Sparkle....
The same Twilight Sparkle who prided herself on her calm demeanor, her stoneface in the arms of adversity, her unwillingness to break under pressure......
Was laughing so hard that she had passed out.
Discord just looked at the shirt, a smirk slowly ebbing onto his face.
"Looks like I'm Stupid...... touche'."
And at this, even Josh had to give a sheepish little grin.