The mane six wake up as rule 63 versions of themselves. They rapidly begin suffering from gender dysphoria and seek transition back to their former selves, all the while figuring out what sort of monster did this to them.
Each of the Mane 6 wakes up in the bodies of stallions, but with their original minds unchanged. Everyone around them seems to think they were always this way. Rapidly dysphoria overtakes them, and they try to become their old selves once again, to the confusion and even horror of many of their loved ones.
The mane 6 must fight to reclaim their bodies while piecing together the mystery of what happened to them and why.
I felt terrible... It was like everything was sort of... fuzzy.
I groaned and scrunched the covers closer. I could hear Spike yawning.
The dragon huffed. "Man Dusk it's super late. Holy crow, did I actually wake up before you?"
I blinked and lifted myself up from the covers. The alarm clock on my new bed stand read 11:00 AM. Good lord, he was right! I slept right through my alarm.
Wait a minute, "Dusk"?
I lifted myself up to see the purple dragon tilting his head at me. Everything felt off, I must have been really sick. It actually looked like my nose was really puffed up, but it didn't feel swollen.
I groaned "Spike I think I'm sick..." I stopped talking.
That was my voice? It was so deep, but my throat didn't hurt at all.
Spike looked concerned. "You look okay... Why don't I get you some hot tea? Do you want to go to the doctor Dusky?"
I rubbed my forehead. "Dusky? Why do you keep calling me...?"
And that's when I caught sight of myself in the mirror.
I screamed.
Rarity
Opal was curled tightly in my lap. It was a measure of my discomfort that she allowed me to pet her.
I was frozen, staring at my mirror uncomprehending.
The stallion before me was beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. A tiny part of my mind wondered what he would look like in all manner of things...
But mostly I was terrified.
I had no idea who would have perpetrated such a sick joke... It was too low even for Discord.
Opal's claws gripped me a little too tight and my mind came crashing back to reality. Okay... I was not about to be destroyed by this, not when it could be a momentary magical mishap or something...
Magic, of course! Twilight would have the answer surely. I put Opal down and ran down the stairs, hastily throwing on a cloak... I would hold my composure, all I needed was...
Rainbow Dash
...to get to Twilight as soon as possible!
I nearly went full Sonic Rain Boom, but I had to slow down. I couldn't smash Ponyville to bits, and I definitely didn't want to stop and explain any damages... I didn't want anyone to see...
Oh crap!
I hastily leaped up over the cloud cover, thank Celestia we had a rain storm planned.
I was going to be late to work. I really didn't care.
Applejack
"But Applejack! What's wrong?"
I dug out my old rain coat. It would have to do... I never thought I'd say this, but oh what I would have given for Rarity's wardrobe right about now.
"Applejack!"
I turned to the little filly. She looked like she was about to cry. Land sakes, I didn't want to scare her.
I took in a breath and got down low. "It's alright sugar cube..." The voice grated in my ear. I ignored it. She didn't need me breaking down right now.
"Look," I continued. "I know your big sis looks pretty scary right now, but all I need to do is get to Twilight's and I'm sure she'll fix this right up..."
Applebloom blinked. "Big sis? What are you talking about..."
Pinkie Pie
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT!? I WAS A MARE YESTERDAY!!!"
We gathered around the great crystal table, all looking miserable, and definitely not ourselves.
Spike was completely lost. "I don't get it, you guys all look fine to me... well, not fine, but normal!"
I had about fifty books on transformation spells sitting on the table, even Rainbow Dash was actively helping in the research...
This didn't make sense! There was no magical residue, and turning a mare into a stallion was so magically difficult I'd actually used it to scare off Trixie! There had to be something I was overlooking...
A knock came on the door. Princess Celestia walked in, with Luna in tow. Spike had sent them a letter about five minutes before I stopped screaming.
I lifted up my head, they like the rest of Ponyville it seemed, were unaffected by whatever had happened to us.
I ran up to Celestia, and gladly accepted a hug from her wings... I... I actually started crying...
She held me tight, in that same warm embrace she'd used to keep me going so many times before. "There, there Dusk..."
I pushed myself away, horror was back. "You... you don't remember?"
She blinked. "Remember what?"
Rainbow Dash groaned. "Oh, I dunno, like us all being mares?"
Celestia got a very calm look. I knew it well, it meant she was actively processing something.
Luna stepped forward. "Dusk-"
"THAT IS NOT MY NAME!" I shouted, I was at my wits end.
Luna held up her hooves apologetically. "Sorry, what would you prefer I call you?"
"My name! Twilight Sparkle! This doesn't make any sense! There's no evidence of you being the victim of mind altering magic! There's no evidence of any magic! Why doesn't anyone remember my name?!"
The princesses blinked.
Cautiously, Celestia raised a hoof. "Has it occurred to you that you could have been the victims of mind altering magic?"
I tilted my head. "Huh?"
Celestia closed her eyes and let out a breath. "Follow me on this trail of logic. If someone were to cast a malevolent spell that has clearly caused all of you so much trouble, wouldn't it be easier to simply convince you that you had always been mares instead of performing a theoretically impossible transmogrification spell on you and a practically impossible mind altering spell on the rest of Equestria?" She put a hoof to her chin. "Although, frankly if they wanted to make you miserable it seems like there would be plenty of easier ways to do it."
I considered it. It made my guts churn to think about myself as always being male, but it made a little bit of sense. Then something hit me... the lie couldn't be consistent!
"Spike! Tell me about your feelings for Rarity!"
He raised an eyebrow. "Who?"
I winced. "That one." I said, shoving a hoof in Rarity's direction.
"Oh Elusive? Well he's kind and generous and just... amazing."
I blinked, that was unexpected. "Wait, so you're saying that you're gay?"
Spike raised an eyebrow. "Uh... Yeah, I came out when I was 8. Why did you forget that too?"
Okay, so Spike was different as well.
The princess of the night let out a breath. "Clearly something terrible has happened to all of you. I'm not sure how to fix it, but, whether it is mental or physical is easy to determine."
Celestia raised an eyebrow. "You have a plan Luna?"
She nodded. "All I need to do is go into their subconsciouses. If they actually are mares they will see themselves as mares there... well, at least in the halls of their desired selves."
Celestia tilted her head. "Wouldn't they see themselves as mares if their minds had been altered?"
Luna shook her head. "Not if I go deep enough... Well, only if the spell had physically altered their spirits, and their neural physiology at that, both of which would be magics I have never heard of."
Dash was by her side in a second. "Great! Scan me! Prove I'm a mare so we can fix this and I can stop feeling like I want to hurl!"
Luna held up a hoof. "It's not that simple Blitz..."
"Dash!" She said through her gritted, masculine muzzle.
Luna blushed. "Sorry, Dash, I can only safely get that deep when you're asleep."
Dash was gone and back in an instant with a pillow. She started snoring loudly.
Then she opened her eyes. "Twilight, this isn't working, do you have any melatonin or whiskey or... Actually alcohol sounds really good right now..."
I groaned. "Why don't I just cast a sleeping spell?"
Luna looked a little tense. "It's 11:00 am, are you sure you wouldn't rather wait until..."
All of us glared at her, including Celestia.
Luna sighed. "Alright then, let us begin..."
#
My eyes opened and I saw me! The real me, back to normal! I let out a cheer of joy and ran down the mountain of carefully organized stories to meet my friends!
Rainbow was there, in her Wonder Bolts Dress Uniform, and Rarity followed behind in the most beautiful dress I'd ever seen. Pinkie bounced behind with a mountain of cake on her back and AJ gave us a wave.
She looked so darn proud, and why shouldn't she? She'd planned the perfect wedding for her little sister (they grew up so fast)...
We were about to head out together when the castle door opened up in front of us.
I tilted my head. "Princess Luna? I thought you were going to meet us at the ceremony, what's up?"
She stared at us in horror.
I blinked, then I remembered.
"This... This isn't real is it?"
She shook her head.
#
We woke with a start. My head was killing me even worse than this morning...
To be fair, we'd fallen asleep in a pile of sleeping bags in our weird little rotunda, so I couldn't say it was the most comfy nap I'd ever had, but this was something else.
Luna was pacing. Celestia eyed her warily.
"This is bad..." The princess of the night muttered. "This is very bad..."
Celestia walked up to her sister. "Luna calm down, I'm sure whatever you saw we'll be able to handle."
Luna stopped and took a deep breath. My friends began to stir, rubbing the sleep from their eyes.
The blue alicorn turned to us. "I'm so sorry... I don't know what caused your condition, but I think I believe you." She sat down, something of a tremor in her voice. "Tia they're suffering."
Celestia put a hoof on her sister's shoulder. "It's okay. This isn't a second Chamomile, it's just a magical problem. It may be bad, but we'll find a way to fix it."
Luna bit her lip. "What if we can't though... We know what dysphoria does to ponies."
Celestia hugged her sister. "These are strong ponies, they're going to be okay."
"But Tia..."
I cleared my throat.
The gods stopped.
I rubbed at my forehead... I was going to down like fifty aspirin after this...
I let out a breath. "Look, whatever's happened to us, we're still here. I appreciate you both trying to look out for us, truly I do, but if we're going to figure out what caused this mess we're going to need to sit down and get on the same pa-"
Angel had stopped bouncing up and down on me. He actually fed the other animals...
That was never a good sign... And I hated leaning on him. It made me feel worthless, but I just didn't know what else to do.
I wasn't sure what had happened to me. All I could do was curl up under the covers and wish it would all go away...
Some part of me knew I was over-reacting it was just some curse, and not even a super terrible one at that... Maybe Discord had played some little joke, maybe it was all a nightmare.
"Fluttershy!" A stallion I didn't recognize called from outside.
I blinked. I had company? I hadn't been expecting...
"Fluttershy, dear please come out! We're worried sick about you!"
"Flutters it's okay, we're here for you!"
I knew it was rude, but there was no way I could answer the door like this. What would they think? What could I do... So I just layed there, paralyzed with fear.
"Alright, buck this!" a southern voice shouted.
There was a loud crash.
Five stallions I didn't know and... Princess Celestia and Luna? appeared around my bed.
I blinked at them. What the-!
The pink one grabbed me, very, very tight. "Fluttershy-we-were-so-worried-and-!"
I panicked... I rolled over and threw him off! I was strong, really strong! He crashed into the floor...
There was blood.
The white one shrieked. "Pinkie!"
Then, and only then did I notice their coloration... And their cutie marks...
#
The Sun
My sister and I walked out of the cottage, leaving Butterscotch to his friends. Bubble was fine, we'd made sure it was no more than a scrape... The poor yellow stallion was still crying his eyes out though.
I kept my face calm, as I had in the face of horrors for thousands of years. He really hadn't recognized them.
Something was very wrong.
Luna continued her lecture on transponies. I was only processing my sister's words mechanically.
"Butterscotch- ugh! Sorry, Fluttershy.... SHE was never the best pony at coping with emotional stress in the first place, but now... This is only going to get worse. The mind is designed to function with a body that it is part of it, not one that it's fighting... Sister are you listening?"
Mechanically...
I let out a breath. "Yes Luna, I am, but you seriously can't tell me that the best way to help these ponies, who are not only pivotal to the survival of the nation, but our friends... Is to start physically tearing them apart."
My sister groaned. She had that petulant look in her eyes that she got when she'd read a book on something I hadn't... Though to be fair it was mixed with genuine concern.
"Sister I keep telling you! This is an illness. It needs a treatment!"
I looked away and grit my teeth... And it was going to be such a nice day too... Warm winds, not a cloud in the sky... One of those days I could be proud of.
And now I had to deal with this.
"Luna," I began, cautiously. "I agree that this is a serious situation. However, the Elements of Harmony are, perhaps with the exception of a lack of sleep, in perfect physical health. Obviously I'm extremely worried about them, but to me their problem seems far more mental than physical."
Luna grumbled. "Gender dysphoria is physical, not mental."
I wasn't going to get into a long philosophical argument so I just nodded. "Magical then. The cure should fit the disease."
"But we have medication that could help them!"
I winced. I knew what she was suggesting. "Luna, I know the things you've seen in the line of duty have been disturbing at times, but-"
"You're both right!" Came a voice.
We turned around. Dusk eyed us from across Fluttershy's little bridge, still looking extremely disheveled, but with a bit of that controlled determination I'd always admired.
Luna blushed. "Twilight... Hello... Um... how long were you listening in?"
He sighed. "Long enough. Sorry, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop it's just... That didn't sound entirely happy."
Now it was my turn to blush.
"Look," He began, "You're both right. Gender dysphoria is serious and if a pony is totally cognizant except for the fact that they really hate their bodies then there are standard medical ways to help that. But Celestia is right too! If we'd had gender dysphoria for years and slowly came to the revelation that we just weren't happy being stallions that would be one thing, but that isn't what happened here..."
He looked down at his reflection in the happy little stream below. He grimaced. "I don't remember looking like this, the others don't either. Someone's mind, or body, or... something has been altered. That isn't a natural disease."
Luna opened her mouth as though she had something to say... Then closed it, defeated. "Alright then Dusk. What would you have us do?"
The purple alicorn winced. "Let's stick with Twilight for now... At least in private. I think for the instant we should just play the part of stallions while we investigate. One way or another we've been attacked or hit with... Something... But we're no newbies when it comes to things like that. We're the Elements of Harmony and whoever did this is going to get friendshipped so hard their teeth fall out!"
Luna and I exchanged a look.
Dusk Blushed. "That came out weird... But that's not the point! We can handle this, I know we can. We just have to figure out what happened."
I smiled. Whatever had happened to Dusk it hadn't robbed him of his spirit. "Very well my faithful student, how shall we begin?"
For the first time today, I saw my faithful student smile a real smile...
"AGHHH!" I threw my notebook against the wall... It actually made a dent in solid crystal.
"Seriously? What am I an Earth Pony now..?" I shook my head. This was really starting to get to me. I'd sensed a change in the local magical signature, really I had! It was a tiny, subtle thing that hadn't been obvious at first...
And I had no idea what it meant. Spike said the readout was normal, I even agreed with him.
I caught a glance of myself in a test tube... I sighed.
I'd read up a bit on dysphoria before all of this... more after. There was a lot of drama surrounding it, hundreds upon lurid hundreds of novels with characters being scandalized by the mere mention of their birth sex and smashing mirrors the moment they encountered them.
Maybe that was true for Fluttershy, but for me... It was just exhausting. I didn't feel angry, at least not all the time... Okay, a lot more than I did before, but not all the time.
"T-twilight?" Spike's voice came down from the stairs. "Are you okay?"
I composed myself and looked back up at the poor baby dragon who was caught up in all of this. I gave him a smile. "I'm fine Spike, just a bad result."
"Should I call the princesses?" He asked.
"No," I said in my deep, deep voice. "I'll be fine."
"Elusive"
"You're not fine!" Sweetie Belle insisted. "Something's wrong, you've been sad this entire visit!"
Opal nodded her head in agreement. Traitor...
I gave my little sister my very best beam. "Sweetie there's nothing wrong at all. Want to help me sew up this new concept design?"
My sister leaned over to the sewing machine, squinting. "You've been making a lot of dresses recently."
"A large order." I said, not skipping a beat. "Now come here, I can show you some lovely pattern stitches!
My little sister harrumphed. "Only if you tell me what's bothering you."
I sighed. "I assure you Sweetie, I'm fine."
She left the workroom, muttering. "Why can't stallions ever talk about their feelings?"
"Rainbow Blitz"
It tore into me like a knife.
Thunderlane tilted his head. "Dude, are you okay?"
I shook myself. "Huh? Oh, yeah. What did you say?"
He smiled. "A Stallion's night out bro! The other folks on the weather team have been worried about you, so we thought we could throw something together. Pokey's even got a way to project the hoofball game at the tavern, It'll be great. Canterlot U vs Manehatten State! Battle of the titans on the ground! Are you in?"
"Heh..." I liked hoofball, I liked the tavern, I loved the weather team, but... Stallion's Night out?
I looked away. "Uh... Maybe I'll take a rain-check on this one..."
"Bubble Berry"
"Rain check? To the Joke Shop? Okay, Bubble we need to talk, something is very wrong."
I blinked. "Huh? What is Mrs. Cake?"
She narrowed her eyes. "I've tried to be nice, but this is getting ridiculous! You can't get out of bed in the morning, you're exhausted all the time, you're distracted... Something is clearly bothering you and it's affecting your work."
She frowned. It was truly sad. "Bubble I like you, truly I do, but this is not good. Is there something wrong?"
I forced a smile. "Nope! Nothing at all Mrs. Cake! I'm perfectly fine..."
Applejack
"Could you please stop saying you're fine!" Applebloom cried.
I took in a breath of sweet farm air and held myself in control. My mind was a fortress. Tougher than the toughest corral. Nothing I didn't want to was getting out.
I turned to my sister with a chuckle. "Now don't you worry little sis. I know it's been tough what with me acting weird a few months back and our new guest and all, but things are looking up. The harvest is beautiful, we've got a new stand, I think Granny even mentioned the Zap Apples will come in soon."
My little sister whimpered... It was almost enough, almost enough to make me break, but I knew I couldn't. I had to be strong. For my family, for her...
She shook her head. "Our "guest" wanted to see you by the way..."
"Butterscotch"
Applejack opened the door with that easy smile on her face. She was bigger now, strong. She looked good as a stallion. It was nice...
It wasn't her though, I mean it was deep down, you could see that, but it wasn't her on the outside, just like I wasn't me.
She tipped her hat. "Hey Sugarcube. How ya'll doin?'"
I smiled. "I just needed to talk to someone. How has your day been?"
She smiled back, it looked so comforting on that face. Not like the old Applejack, but comforting nonetheless.
"Pretty darn good. There are clear skies and beautiful harvests as far as the eye can see. How about you, did you get a chance to hang out with your animal friends?"
I nodded. I had been able to see them more often now. Sometimes I was able to help out. Sometimes I was able to forget.
Applejack had been so kind taking me in... It was perfect really, the old farmhouse had lots of space, it was pretty... And Applejack was never too far away.
I tried to help out, and I managed to do a little here and there. I liked cleaning up around the house, it made me feel useful... I really wish I could get back to work... Back home...
Maybe I could soon. The cuts had started to heal after all. Maybe I'd get used to this. Maybe it would all blow over...
I materialized in front of Celestia with a very cross look. "Get them treatment, now."
The alicorn in question was sipping tea across from a pair of dignitaries, a mare and a stallion. The noble ponies stared at me in terror.
I groaned. "You two are spending the next ten minutes in a tropical paradise while the big people talk." And with a snap of my fingers they were gone.
The alicorn balked. "What is the meaning of this?"
I snarled. "I already said what the meaning is! Twilight and her friends are withering! Fluttershy tried to freaking kill herself! Why in Tartarus haven't you gotten them hormones yet?"
She narrowed her eyes. "I am not a medical doctor, I cannot "put them on" anything, nor have I ordered them to avoid doing anything they so please with their bodies."
I grit my teeth, "You know blasted well that you don't need to give an order little miss manipulation. You backed Twilight when she said it would be a good idea for them to avoid medication. You're princess of the sodding sun! What you don't think your word has weight?" I cried, letting her heavy word slam down on the table.
It left a dent.
The princess did not back down. "Discord, I backed Twilight because I believe she's right. What has happened to those poor mares is clearly magical in origin."
I threw up my arms. "So what?! If someone magically teleported rattlesnake venom into their veins we'd be giving them anti-venom, not spending months researching a counter spell while they died off!"
She narrowed her eyes. "If you're so concerned why don't you fix them yourself oh master of shapes?"
I rolled my eyes. "Yes of course, why didn't I think of pumping the Elements of Harmony full of chaos magic? My transformations are so famously stable after all! I'm sure in two weeks they'll love their new tentacles."
The princess groaned. "Discord don't you understand? We can't treat them because we don't know what's wrong with them!"
I summoned up a medical journal and shoved it in her face. "It's called gender dysphoria. It's a terrible disease caused by physical disagreement between the body and mind resulting in a few minor symptoms such as depression, anxiety, suicidal tendancies..."
Celestia smacked the journal out of my claw. She growled at me.
I'm not going to lie, I flinched. Recent events had taught me some humility and Celestia was no slouch in the magic department.
But this was important. I forced myself to hold her gaze. Fluttershy would have been proud.
Finally the Alicorn sighed. "Discord you're right. I do need to do something to help the elements, but... I..."
For the first time since I'd met her, she seemed at a loss for words.
I dropped my hostile stance. "What is it? You can't tell me you're prejudiced, we all remember Chamomile."
Celestia shook her head. "Chamomile never felt right in her skin. She was always sad before she started making changes, this... This is different.
"I remember Dusk as a little colt dancing around with glee. I remember Elusive obsessing over his clothes accentuating his male physique, I... It doesn't make sense."
I had to give her that. I shrugged. "Pardon me princess, but as you pointed out this is clearly magical. Something has been changed, either us or them."
She looked up at me. "But what if it's a mental change? You can't tell me you think it's more likely that everyone else in Equestria has been mind controlled instead of just them."
I... Had to give her that too. I felt rather defeated. I sat down. "So... any progress on the mind control theory then?"
She shook her head. "Their brains look perfectly healthy, and before you ask they exhibited female traits. It's always complicated with brains though... I think the latest theory is that we're all some kind of brain-sex mosaic and... Honestly the neurobiological details make my head spin. You'd have to ask Luna."
I nodded. Being of guardian of dreams more than often made Luna the last line of defense for ponies thinking of ending it all so she tended to know her stuff where psychological torture was concerned... She also tended to be a bit oversensitive. "So, do you know how to magically change their brains back? If they've been changed at all?"
Again she shook her head. "No... I have no idea. There are quacks who make claims of course, but they appear to be little more than child abusers preying on the ignorance of parents. I must say I haven't learned much from their methodology, but I've taken some pleasure in dismantling their practices."
I smiled. There was my Celestia. "I think the answer is obvious then."
She tilted her head. "Huh?"
I shrunk, I grew, I turned into a bird then back again. Then I shrugged. "Forms are quite malleable things, even in all those different shapes I was still my brilliant, witty self. If it looks like the only difference between Twilight and Dusk is that Twilight hates her body and wants to be female why not just accept that she's Twilight and get your apprentice back? However she got that the way she is is irrelevant, it's not like we can swap her mind around anyway... Well, at least not in a safe time frame."
Celestia narrowed her eyes. "Isn't that just admitting defeat?"
I waved her off. "Defeat would be letting this crude joke rip our friends apart. This is proving that with a little help from their friends, those ponies are stronger than anything some two bit magician can throw at them."
Celestia considered this... Then smiled. "I knew there was a reason I had you unfrozen."
I smirked. "And here I thought it was just so you could drag me to your chambers."
She rolled her eyes (rather unimpressively, they didn't even leave her sockets) and picked up a piece of parchment. "I'll start drafting a letter immediately..." She sighed. "You know I know it's stupid, and there's no question their health comes first, but... I really hoped I could hold Twilight's children some day."
I grinned. "You mean you haven't heard of cryopreservation?"
The mare smirked at me. "So you think your special?"
I lowered my newspaper and eyed her from my cushy waiting room chair. She had a bright yellow coat coat and a solid red mane, nothing too fancy. She wore a skirt, so I couldn't make out her cutie mark.
"Uh... I mean, everyone has something about them that makes them unique." I replied. It was how we got cutie marks after all.
She kept that little smirk on her face. There was something unnerving about it. "Oh, but you're extra special aren't you?"
Rainbow Dash leaned over, putting her Daring Do book to the side. "What are you talking about? You mean because sh- I mean, he's an alicorn?"
I winced. I had told Rainbow that we should refer to ourselves as stallions for the moment, at least to the non-hospital staff, but it still felt weird. I was glad to have her though... Fluttershy was too nervous, AJ needed to work, Rarity was still trying to research more clinics and Pinkie just seemed sort of listless about the whole thing... But at least I had Dash with me.
The yellow mare shook her head. "No... Not that... It must be so strange being a couple of boys in a place like this." She gestured to the rest of the room, lined with pictures of happy babies and filled with couples and pregnant mares... There were very few solo stallions in the clinic, I had to admit.
Still, at this point she was just getting rude. "If you're implying that Rainbow and I are a couple, then you're mistaken, not that it would be terribly shameful if we were." I started raising up my newspaper, but she caught it with a hoof.
She still had that smirk... "Oh, but I don't think you're together. Gay stallions tend to go to specialized clinics, no I you're a couple of those crazy stallions that think their mares."
I froze. "H-how did you? I'm not..."
The smirk grew wider. She leaned in to me. "So very special aren't we? Nature just isn't good enough huh? I bet you think when this is all over you'll be a real mare. But deep down yo kno-"
"Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to step back." Came a stern voice.
I looked up and saw a zebra mare in a lab coat looking very cross.
The yellow mare turned around to face her. "And who are you? The secretary?"
The zebra glared at her. "I'm the mare who owns this practice, now are you going to leave the premises or am I going to have to call security?"
The mare held up her hooves, perfectly nonchalant. "Very well then..." She gave me a look. "See you later, Princess..." That said, she walked out.
The zebra shook her head. "I'm terribly sorry about that. I can assure you that mare will never be allowed in here again."
I smiled. "Thank you... Doctor Mto?" I asked, hoping I was pronouncing it right.
She nodded. "I was just coming out to get you two. Are you sure you want to do this together."
Rainbow blushed. "Um... I kinda... I mean, Twilight's a friend, but..."
I giggled. It felt good to laugh. "Rainbow she means the consult, not the 'deposit'."
She blinked. "Oh... I knew that."
Doctor Mto smiled. "Why don't we step into my office?"
#
"So, what are your goals?" The doctor asked. Her office was soothing, with pictures of a parrot and a little filly zebra on her desk. She even had a wide open window behind her showing off a well tended garden. It was nice. It almost put me at ease. Almost.
Rainbow shrugged. "We're going on hormones soon and we want to be able to have kids after. You can do that right?"
She nodded. "May I ask, do you expect your future partners to be mares or stallions?"
I blinked... Oh boy there was a doozy... How was I going to-
"Both." Rainbow answered with confidence.
I blinked. "Huh? Rainbow you're bi?"
Dash narrowed her eyes. "Uh, yeah. What, is there something wrong with that?"
I held up my hooves. "No! Of course not, I just didn't know and... I'm bi too." I squeaked.
Rainbow just smiled. "Geeze Twilight you should have told me! I'd finally have someone to-"
The doctor coughed.
We turned back, embarrassed.
"Okay," she continued, largely unphased. "That's really good to know, because there are two types of assisted reproductive technology you should know about, and a special way to handle the paperwork on top of that."
"The first kind is artificial insemination. That's where we take your sperm, wash it and then later use it to attempt to impregnate a mare during her fertile period. It's cheap and painless for everyone involved, but it only has about a 20% effectiveness rate per vial."
"The second kind is in-vitro fertilization. We artificially stimulate the release of eggs from a mare and fertilize them in a test tube, then we implant an embryo and store the rest until they are desired. The advantage of that method is that one can produce a very large number of offspring with a very small sample, but it's harder on the mare and more expensive."
She smiled. "Note, you don't have to pick and choose, the freezing and storage costs the same, and my facility staff and I are experts in both methods. I usually recommend my patients store a mix of vial types if they're expecting to lose fertility."
I nodded. "That sounds great if we end up raising families with other mares." It was actually a bizarre advantage of all this madness I hadn't considered. I wondered if we could keep our samples after I changed us back... "But what about if we want to raise families with stallions, how can we have biological children with them?" I asked
Doctor Mto frowned. "I'm sorry... I wish I could tell you we knew of a way to do that, and I know a few labs working on it, but for now it's not something we can make happen."
I looked down. "Oh..." I... I didn't know what to think about that. It's okay Twilight, I told my self. This is all just insurance. You're going to find a way to fix this.
"However," The doctor continued, beaming. "It is possible to certify semen to be used by surrogate mothers. It's slightly more expensive, because we have to do some federal testing, but with a blood test and a physical we can make it so that if you want to have biological offspring with someone who isn't your partner, you can."
Rainbow tilted her head. "You've mentioned money a couple of times. I'm a head weather mare, and Twilight's a freaking princess so we've both got pretty solid insurance, won't that cover it?"
Again, the Zebra winced and shook her head. "Unfortunately I've yet to find insurance that covers our procedures. I'll happily look over your policy, but generally I advise my patients to plan to pay out of pocket."
Dash narrowed her eyes. "So let me get this straight... we need to pay uninsured medical bills in order to have the option of having biological kids with one of the types of ponies we like, and then more medical bills if we want to have at least "biological for us" kids if we end up with stallions?"
Doctor Mto opened her mouth to respond... Then sighed. She turned the picture of the little filly to her, looking somewhat defeated. "Unfortunately that pretty much sums it up."
I looked away... This... This was really messed up. I had some money stashed away, but I had no idea how many trips I'd need to make here to be able to have all the kids I wanted.
That's when it really hit me. I had to decide. I had to decide right now what the maximum number of kids I could have was going to be... No talking it over with whoever I fell in love with, no... I didn't even know.
Of course, I knew what the alternative was. If we were stuck like this... I won't be! I told myself... But if I was, and there was no other way to get the hormones I needed...
I turned back to the doctor. "Can we start today?"
I had known many trans ponies, cross dressers and drag queens in my time as a fashionista. Some of them were good, some of them were indistinguishable from natural women.
I wasn't one of them.
I was stunningly handsome as a male, even I could see that, but that just meant every male feature looked worse in female dress. The lithe, muscled body, the strong, rigid jawline... It didn't work. It was impossible. Even with all my makeup and all my skill I couldn't make that handsome man a woman... Just an exceptionally ugly cross dresser.
Still, I'd given it my all.
"Miss Rarity?" The receptionist called with a patronizing smile. "The doctor will see you now."
I nodded, trying to look as thankful as I could. There were others in the waiting room so I didn't want to use my voice... It wasn't ready for the public ear.
I made my way to room 3B where I found myself in a quite tastefully decorated little office. There was not only the traditional couch, but a comfortable chair as well.
In another chair in the center of the room was an older unicorn stallion. He had kind eyes and a calming demeanor, but I don't think a full grown dragon could have been more intimidating given what we were about to discuss.
He gave me a soft smile. "Miss Rarity, please sit down."
I closed the door behind me and chose the chair. I wanted to be focused for this.
"Now, Miss Rarity you are here to discuss gender dysphoria correct?"
I gulped, not in anticipation, but to stretch my vocal chords (Okay, perhaps I was a tiny bit nervous... )
"Yes." I said, as high pitched as I could manage while avoiding falsetto.
He nodded. "Before we begin I just wanted to assure you you're safe in this office. I've worked with several trans ponies before and nothing you tell me will leave this room. I trust you have already seen the formal paperwork on this."
I had. "Thank you." I said, trying my best to keep my sentences short and my voice controlled. "How does this work exactly?"
He smiled. "Just tell me as much as you feel comfortable about how you realized you were a mare instead of a stallion and once I've collected enough data and made a diagnosis I'll write you a letter of approval to begin treatment. Now, if you don't mind, can you tell me a bit about how this started?"
I took in a breath, steadied my voice and began my tale. I told him how I'd always wanted to wear girl's clothes growing up. How I'd preferred dolls to trucks, how I'd begged my disapproving mother for a prom dress and how I'd smashed every mirror in my house when looking at my hideous face had become too much...
He nodded through it all, marking down notes. By the end he looked rather sad.
"Miss Rarity... You know I meant it when I said you were safe here?"
I blinked. "I'm sorry doctor I don't understand."
"Lies are not going to make my diagnosis simpler."
If I could have grown any paler I would have. "I- I just told you my darkest secrets! Everything that happened to me while..."
"You smashed every mirror in your house without getting a single cut on your hooves?" He asked, narrowing his eyes.
I could feel sweat building up on my temple. "It... It was a long time ago, they've healed and-"
He held up a hoof. "Miss Rarity please. I know I'm a hurdle that trans ponies have to leap over, but I'm not some gatekeeper you have to fool. No one's story is that perfect. Even if you have some good days where you're just not thinking of your gender or you prefer hoof ball to ballet you would still be a solid candidate for hormones. So please, just tell me what's actually bothering you so I can help."
I shivered. The man could put Applejack to shame. "I- I-"
He gave me a very calm smile, "I understand the details may be painful, especially to relate to a stranger. Just tell me what you're comfortable with. Why are you here?"
There was no way out of it. I couldn't tell him that I'd woken up in a stallions body, but... There was another truth in the details.
"I'm... I'm a parody." I muttered.
He tilted his head. "What do you mean?"
I smiled ruefully "I'm gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. The most beautiful stallion I've ever seen... But it's not me."
I looked down. Real, genuine tears were starting to form. "I want to be beautiful my way. I know it sounds shallow, but I want my body to be a canvass to paint on, something I can... Something that I can at least see the potential in, whether I have bed-head or puffy eyes or..."
I grit my teeth. "There's a range in bodies. A spectrum between feminine and masculine. And while there's plenty of shapes and forms that overlap I just don't. I have a stupid sexy stallion's voice and a bulky jawline and I hate it. I hate it so much! Sometimes I'm angry about it, but mostly I just feel defeated. I'm a fashion designer for Celestia's sake! I should be able to... To look the way I want to look, but I can't.
I found myself curling slightly. "I've failed... Nothing I can do alone will make it better... I need help."
He smiled. "Now that, that was honesty."
He offered me a tissue. I accepted.
"Fear not." He said "I think we'll have no trouble helping you see yourself in the mirror."
He looked at his watch, frowning. "That said, we've chewed up a lot of time, I fear I'm already late for my next patient."
I blinked the tears away. I felt a shred of hope. "Of course... So, you'll write the letter?"
He nodded. "I'll need more information for it, but yes. See my receptionist for another appointment and we'll get this sorted out. I think I have some time next month."
I twitched. "I'm sorry what?"
He blinked. "You did see my receptionist didn't you? Her desk is-"
"Not that." I grimaced. "I'm terribly sorry, it's just. You want me to wait... another month for hormones?"
He held up his hooves. "Miss Rarity I understand you're in pain. However, it would be horrendously negligent to give you access to medications that will cause irreversible changes to your body without at least three sessions with you."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "But- But you just said I was sincere! I told you the truth!"
He nodded, "You did, but hormone therapy is not something you should rush into. It will cause irreversible changes to your body and you need time to consider your options, to decide whether that is truly something you're willing to do."
I could barely contain myself. Did he think I hadn't had time to think while I was waiting the two weeks for this appointment? And presumably my entire life?
I took a deep breath. "Is there any way to get an earlier appointment?"
He leaned back, shaking his head. "I'm afraid I'm quite booked for the next four weeks, but if you wanted to speed things along you could probably get weekly appointments with my colleague in Fillydelphia. He just started up his practice and he's still building his client base so he should have more openings. I can give you a referral..."
My eye started twitching. "You expect me to go all the way to Fillydelphia multiple times to confirm exactly what you just confirmed?"
"Miss Rarity please, I hardly think that would be much trouble for a mare of your talents."
"Well I think that-" I stopped. "What talents?"
He tapped his horn. "The teleportation magic. I noticed that your aura had a tinge of it. Very subtle, but quite powerful. Tell me do you have formal training?"
I processed this. I hadn't been teleported by Twilight in ages... It... It could mean something!
There was a knock on the door. A griffon's beak poked in. "Doctor Warm Heart?" Came his voice.
The Doctor smiled. "Ah Miss Lilac do come in. Miss Rarity I understand this is a stressful time for you, but I really do need to help this young lady."
The hulking griffon walked inside. The only shred of femininity I could see was a tiny red ribbon in his... her feathers.
I froze. I had seen her in the lobby. I hadn't even considered...
A shiver ran down my spine. That... That's what I look like.
I fled. I needed to tell Twilight what I'd learned. I needed to get her to fix this NOW!
Like so many things in science, Rarity's discovery had raised more questions than answers. Still I couldn't help but get a little spring in my step when I confirmed it.
"Well Twilight? Did that help? Can you fix this?" Rarity asked.
I squinted at the readout from the machines, "Maybe... You've opened up a whole other avenue to look into. I thought we were dealing with mind magic and transmogrification magic. Teleportation magic is something else entirely."
The magical spectrographic radar spit out a ream of paper and I gathered it up in my hooves.
I got a big fat grin when I saw the readout. "Got you now you stupid little enchantment! That proves it. Reality has been warped." I felt like dancing with joy! " The MBR pattern is completely off!"
Rarity eyed me warily. "Um... MBR pattern?"
I nodded. "Magical background radiation. Think of it as the stitching pattern left over from when the universe was sewn together. The local pattern is completely different from what it was before we woke up as stallions."
I clapped my hooves together. "I was looking for transmogrification or mind alteration spells on us when really all of reality has been rearranged via teleportation. Now I just have to find the anomaly and fix it. Spike! Take a-"
I paused. The purple dragon was nowhere to be found.
Rarity looked about. "Twilight... I don't recall seeing Spike when I came in."
"He was here a minute ago..." I said lamely. I considered casting a divination spell to find him, but considering he was he'd just gotten me some coffee and could easily have been in the bathroom... I decided to give him some privacy.
I shrugged. "He must have gone to get a snack or something. I'll check in on him later. It's not like I can't write my own letters."
She tilted her head. "Don't you need him to send your letters?"
I smiled, "This one's not going to Celestia." I pulled out a quill and some parchment.
"Dear University of Fillydelphia Magical Survey Department,
Princess..."
I paused... they'd need my legal name.
Wincing, I crossed the last word out.
"Prince Dusk Shine requests your assistance in a matter of national security. Enclosed are my latest readings of the MBR in the Ponyville area. You will clearly note when comparing it to your records that it has become heavily distorted, possibly due to the use of rearranging teleportation magic. If you could conduct surveys to determine the extent and nature of the damage you would be doing the nation a great service.
"From the desk of Dusk Shine, Prince of Friendship"
I considered adding a paragraph about how urgently the data was needed... But that would just lead to inaccuracies and an order from a prin... An order of royalty was reason enough to work quickly.
I teleported the note away. "Now we just need to observe how much the damage has spread and I can figure out a counterspell!"
Rarity's eyes went wide. "So... So this is over? We can get our old bodies back."
I smiled. "Yup! Once I get the data back I should be able to counter the spell and put us back the way nature intended." I thought of the last six times I thought I had cracked this puzzle.
I gulped. "Hopefully." I amended.
Rarity's expression fell.
"It will be okay!" I said trying my best to sound reassuring. "Even if I'm wrong about this, and I'm not, you've helped me a ton today. I was looking in the wrong direction this whole time an now we just need to-"
"GIRLS!!!" An explosion of confetti launched a cheerful wad of pink right between us. For the first time in months the element of laughter's hair was actually curly. "You'll never guess what I found!"
I shook myself. I was glad that Pinkie was feeling better, but I had to readjust to her energy level. "What did you find Pinkie?"
"Only the bestest, most super awesome thing in all of Equestria!" She reached into her poofy mane and produced a small, black and white flier.
I blinked, "The Ponyville Area Transgender Association?" Since when did that exist?
She nodded. "It's a support group full of ponies like us! It's a chance to talk to people who'd actually understand our problems! We should totally go!"
I grimaced. I'd need to tread lightly here. "Pinkie... We aren't like those people. What happened to us was magical, not biological."
Her hair drooped slightly, "But the result is the same.These are ponies who we can actually talk to about all the dumb stuff we're dealing with. And we could make new friends!"
I shook my head. "Pinkie I'm sure they're nice ponies, but I have a lot of research to do here and honestly I'm not sure what they'd be able to do to help us."
Rarity looked away, uncomfortable.
"What?" I asked.
"Sorry Twilight," The Fashionista began "It's just... That sounds a lot like what you would have said before you met us."
I winced. Okay, they had me there.
I caught a glimpse of myself in a beaker. I'd learned the value of friendship a long time ago, but that wasn't why I was hesitating. So long as I looked at the beaker and not the reflection I was okay. Research provided a distraction and I wasn't sure I could handle talking to a bunch of strangers about how I felt. I wasn't sure I could handle talking to myself about how I felt.
"I..." I began, weakly.
There was a pause.
"I hear it looks good to your therapist." Pinkie mentioned.
I looked at the glued together line of paper that would have made a kindergarten art teacher cringe and sighed. I considered just flying up and taking it down, I'd learned the hard way that sometimes bad advertizing was worse than no advertizing at all, but...
As bad as it was, I'd worked really hard on it.
A certain trans stallion tipped his bowler and smirked. "I keep looking at it and thinking 'what are we patting?' puppies, kittens, ducklings..."
I groaned, trying in vain to use a compact to check my makeup (my skills at cosmetology were about on par with my art skills). "Driver, I asked you like fifty times whether you had a better acronym. PATA is nice, simple and to the point."
Driver shrugged and leaned up against the couch with a comic-book in hoof. "Yeah, yeah. You know I still think you'd have more luck hosting this at the Crow Hop right?"
I sighed. The Crow Hop was the local gay bar. I didn't have anything against it really, but it was one of those places with loud noise and large crowds where the primary attractions were sex and alcohol... Making it, like most singles bars, not my cup of tea.
Plus the guys there thought I was cute... For all the wrong reasons.
I accepted defeat, smoothed out my dress with my talons and sat down next to him. "I had to try you know? I mean Ponyville's not that small, maybe we'd find out that we weren't alone..."
Driver snorted. "It's kind of hard to be alone when there's two of us."
I raised an eyebrow. "Dude, are you capable of being serious for like two seconds? I'm starting to get worried."
He smirked, silvery eyes twinkling. "You know if you opened up a Canterlot branch you could call it 'CATA' and hurl people out with a siege engine."
Well that answered that question. I gave him a playful shove and took a handful of chips. I guess it would just be u-
There was a knock at the door. We froze.
Driver made shooing motions, valiantly abandoning me to whatever awkwardness was coming. Still, I had a bit of a spring in my step as I peered through the crack in the door. There was an absolutely stunning white mare and two stallions outside. One pink, the other purple with...
I whirled around and leaned hard against the door. At least my stupidly over-blown body was good as a barricade. "Shit!" I whispered, "Driver, Dusk Shine is outside!"
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, very funny Lilac."
"I'm serious!" I snapped.
His eyes widened. "Holy... Wait... I mean, I guess that makes some sense."
"How does the freaking Prince of Friendship showing up make sense!"
He shrugged. "We're local, we're a new organization that's trying to connect ponies. It's sort of his wheelhouse."
"But what if he..." I sputtered.
He held up a hoof. "Hey, I seriously doubt he's going to reveal our secret identities. And if he does we can sue the horse apples out of him for... I dunno defamation or something."
That totally was not how the law worked... Still, I couldn't really stop a Prince from coming into a public building... I told myself to woman up, twisted my talons around the handle and let them inside.
The white unicorn mare in the fancy dress froze when she saw me. "Wha- You!"
A little lightbulb clicked. I'd seen her at the therapist's office... Which didn't actually tell me anything.
"Uh... Hi?" I croaked.
Bubble Berry immediately bounced in front of me. "Hiiii! Oh my god it's so nice to meet you! I know everyone around town and I especially know..."
Thus began one of Berry's famously extended high speed rants. I knew I would never hear the end of it if he thought I was new in town... He might throw me a party. I shivered, it was time for drastic measures.
I dropped my voice to male range. "Berry it's me."
He blinked, eyes widening. "Trent? What are-? Oh... Oh!" He got a huge grin on his face.
I narrowed my eyes. "My name is Lilac." I forced my voice back up. "Berry I know I look a bit different from how I normally do, but this is a safe space where we are hosting a support group. What I'm wearing isn't meant to be funn-"
He gave me the most bone shattering hug I'd ever experienced. "I'm so happy you're here! I'm trans too!"
I blinked. Wait what? Okay, wait... Several pieces of the puzzle were falling into place.
An Element of Harmony was trans? At least two elements of harmony were at my dinky meeting? Why was everything blue?
"Pinkie!" A magic aura surrounded the pink stallion (mare I corrected myself internally), and yanked her off. I took the opportunity to feed my disgraceful oxygen habit.
The prince and the white mare followed inside and shut the door. The prince gave me an apologetic smile. "Sorry, she's just nervous. We all are."
I tried my best to summon some composure. I was organizing a meeting after all. "Prince Dusk! It's very nice to see you. Welcome to the Ponyville Area Transgender Association. Thank you so much for joining us and supporting your friend."
He smiled. "Thank you... But, I'm not just here for Pinkie Pie."
I blinked. "Wait... She's trans too?" I asked gesturing to the mare.
"She is." The mare replied.
I stared at her. She was trans? She looked incredible, I mean I knew Dr. Warm Heart had other trans patients, but I never imagined she was one of them.
I looked down. It was sooo not polite to stare. "I'm so sorry, Miss...?"
"Rarity." she said, smiling ruefully. "And I'm sorry about running away from you earlier. I was... Stressed."
"And I..." The Prince looked down. "My real name is Twilight Sparkle."
I froze. I had been given a lot of shocks tonight, but... A transgender alicorn?
I might have stood there until the end of time if I hadn't glanced up at my crappy little banner... With that little signature reading "Lilac Clawston, Organizer".
I forced myself to shake away the confusion. Okay, yes this was big, yes I would need some time to process this later, but right now these girls weren't famous party animals or political figures... they were my responsibility.
Driver did not appear to have the same resolve. The shock had done the impossible and actually shut him up.
"Driver!" I said, snapping him out of it. He turned to me shakily.
I the most calming smile on I could manage. "Why don't you offer our new friends some chips? Please, let's all have a seat."
After a moment's shuffling, we arranged ourselves in the little circle of couches. There was a brief, uncertain pause.
It was time to break the ice. I cleared my throat. "Let's get started with some introductions shall we? Please say your preferred name and pronouns. My name is Lilac and I prefer female pronouns she/her."
I gestured to Driver.
"Uh... Hi, my name is Driver and I prefer male pronouns he/him." He looked at Rarity.
Now that I was paying attention I could see her adam's apple lifting. She was working really hard for that perfect voice. "Hello," She said, "My name is Rarity and I prefer female pronouns she or her."
She turned to Pinkie. "Hi everyone! I'm Pinkie Pie! I prefer female pronouns she/her."
Finally it came to Du- Twilight.
The Alicorn shriveled under the attention, but managed to clear her throat. "I... I'm Twilight sparkle. I prefer female pronouns. I'm a mare." She let out a breath. "Celestia that felt good to say..."
I smiled.
#
Driver
"I just can't get over how patronizing everyone is." Rarity muttered "They all just call me a pretty little mare and tip their hats when I walk by while I know perfectly well what I look like."
I raised an eyebrow, keeping my hat decidedly untipped. Lilac, being Lilac, tried to be more diplomatic. "I... Have to say Rarity, I'm not sure it's meant to be patronizing, you pass extremely well."
The (apparently yet another) Element of Harmony rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that, my hair is too short, my dress is obviously too frilly for this occasion and there's absolutely nothing I can do about this ridiculous jawline."
"I'll happily trade ya for it..." I muttered. "Actually..." Oh please dear god let this work...
I turned to the Element of Magic, a spellcaster who's work was legendary, and tried my best to sound nonchalant. "So, long shot here, but can we actually... You know, trade? Because I have more than one item I sense you folks would be interested in."
Lilac's feathers ruffled uncomfortably. "Driver!"
Twilight blushed and shook her head. "I actually looked into that... Cross sex transplants haven't been famously successful, whether they're done magically or otherwise."
I sighed "Figures..." Shit shit shitty shit shit! I felt a little bubble of hope deflate inside me.
I sat back to listen to the rest of the conversation. Only half paying attention. Rarity made peace with our friendly neighborhood griffon and asked her a few polite questions about her dress, clearly trying to avoid twitching.
I rolled my eyes. Once again I'd found myself covered in a pile of mares. Were trans dudes really that rare?
Pinkie Pie bounced back in carrying a box of cupcakes and somehow balancing a punch bowl on her tail.
She offered me one of the frosting coated pastries and I took a bite, being careful not to take too much. I did still need to work after all.
Something moved in the corner of my eye. I blinked. "Guys did... Did you just see something?"
They turned to me. Lilac looked up, her beak covered in frosting. "Huh?".
I went over to the window and looked out, puzzled. I could have sworn I saw a flash of... Something.
Rarity crept up behind me. "Driver is everything alright?"
I felt a knot forming in my chest. "I..." Oh shit... What if someone saw us? What if someone saw me? What if they figured out I was trans and told work? What if-
Lilac put a talon on my shoulder. "Driver, it's okay."
I turned to her. I have no idea what it was about that voice of hers, but it always made me feel safe. She smiled. "We're all a bit jumpy about coming out to new people, but I seriously doubt people are spying on us."
I let out a breath. She was probably right... Plus I couldn't spend the rest of my life jumping at shadows. "Yeah, okay. Thanks Lilah."
Pinkie waved a weird looking spinner at us. "Who wants to play Twister!"
Lilah raised an eyebrow and I couldn't help but smirk. "I'm game." I said.
The pink mare was practically bouncing off the trees. "It was amazing! They said I can't tell you their names, which makes a lot of sense because of the whole 'safe place' thing, but they were super nice!" Pinkie giggled.
I smiled and bucked the tree and letting the apples pour into the baskets. These ones were cider apples, but they were still good, my cider batch would make the apple family proud this year...
Pinkie gasped. "You should totally come next time AJ! I'm sure you'd love meeting them."
I shook my head and turned to the baskets. "I don't think that'll be necessary seeing as how I don't plan on transitioning."
Pinkie froze... her jaw dropped. "W-wait what?"
I shrugged, loading the baskets into the carts. The movements felt easy, practiced and smooth. "I guess I'm just not as broken up about being male as the rest of y'all."
Pinkie sputtered. "B-but you totally freaked out when we first found out! I saw you cry! On the outside even! Wait..."
She paused. Her eyes went wide. "Were those tears of joy? Are you FTM? Is this the best thing that ever happened to you? Oh my god do you have a new name?"
I rolled my eyes. "No pinkie, I'm not FTM. I'm looking forward to changing back when Twilight eventually fixes this, but for right now I feel like my... Whatcha call it? Dysphoria? Any who I'm feelin' good enough to handle whatever comes my way without causing a big fuss."
She tilted her head, processing this... I bit my lip please just drop it...
"Okie dokie loki..." She said finally. "You will tell me if you're having trouble though right?"
I nodded. "Eeyup."
"Pinkie promise?"
"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick an apple in my eye." I said, going through the motions.
She giggled. "I like your spin on it."
I smiled. "Thanks sugarcube. Now was there anything else?"
She shook her head. "Mostly I just came by to tell you as much as I could about the meeting. I- Oh my gosh! I just realize I said I'd meet someone I can't tell you about to go shopping! I gotta go!"
And thus, she sped off.
I sighed.I was glad that was taken care of. My cart was about done full up too. I slipped into the harness and started makin' my way to the store room.
I parked the cart and started unloading. The harvest really was good this year. I reckon we'd have to think about erecting another storage shed. It didn't help that this one was full of junk. There was granny's old dresser, a pile of lawn chairs, a mirror.
I stopped. Catching a glimpse of myself, a strong, masculine stallion with rippling muscles and the sweat of hard work on 'im... I was growing stubble. I'd been avoiding mirrors for a while now so that was no surprise. I'd get it when I got back home.
I blew my hair out of my face. Granny said it was gettin' a little long and offered to cut it for me. I told her no, maybe a little too quickly... She looked hurt, worried even.
I should really have just let her cut it... It was just hair! Who was I Rarity? Where in the heck did I get off not doin' something that would make my poor old granny feel happy? I growled and opened the dresser drawer.
I'd found the shard a while back. Of course the mirror would get damaged sittin' out here. At first I just picked it up to make sure nopony stepped on it... But it was useful. I sat myself down and held out my hoof.
Now don't you think I was bein' dramatic or nothing. I weren't Fluttershy. I just needed a little cut every now and then to remind myself of when I was bein' selfish. I wasn't going to kill myself, no matter how bad I felt. The family needed me!
I made the cut. Just enough to feel a little pinch and draw a little blood. I pulled out a box of tissues I'd left near and blotted the thing. In a moment it closed and you couldn't even see it under my fur.
I harnessed up and went back outside. It was still early in the morning and I had a lot of work to do... A lot of work.
I had all the pieces set out and organized. I had to really work hard to suppress a blush though.
I knew Rarity needed the money from this Job really badly if she was going to afford all those surgeries she kept talking about, but... I poked gingerly at the nearest stack of panties. I mean, technically they were more modest than walking around naked, but they just felt so sexual.
Of course that was the point.
Rarity came back in carrying a measuring tape and a few more labels, she was in "boymode", presenting as a stallion. She looked clean and neat, and of course she looked very handsome, but if you looked closely you could tell she wasn't quite as thoroughly groomed as when she was dressed normally.
She looked over my shoulder, "Oh smashing! You have all the pieces laid out just right Thank you so much Fluttershy."
I smiled, she had always called me that, but it still felt really good to hear in a public place. I'd gotten that a lot recently. I was the first to come out, and I'd gotten into therapy earlier than my friends so I was just waiting on a blood test for hormones. I'd gotten a few strange glances and people still called me by my old name sometimes, but overall things were looking up. Maybe soon I could see my animal friends again...
There was a knock on the door. "Coming!" Rarity trilled.
She opened it up and Hoity Toity entered with his assistants in tow.
He lowered his glasses. "Mr. Elusive? I admit I hadn't thought you were the designer we would be meeting today."
She giggled. "Well, it is my boutique."
He smiled. "Fair enough, I suppose I'd just presumed you were hosting some other designer... Ladies evening wear is a bit of a stretch from suits, no matter how stunning those suits might be."
She waved her hoof. "No need to worry, I've come up with quite the array of wonderful designs!"
Hoity eyed the various... garments, with a practiced eye. "Not bad... But it's hard to see them at their best without a model..." He clapped his hooves together. "I know just the thing! Midnight desire just moved into town."
I had never heard of a pony with that name, but Rarity's eyes widened. "Mr. Toity... I know we're doing a Lingerie catalogue, but isn't her work a little... too risque?"
The stallion sighed. "Mr. Elusive, please she's a perfectly professional model with experience with these sorts of attire. More to the point, I have another two days in Ponyville before I have to go back to Canterlot for the spring review, so if you want me to promote your line, we'll have to get someone local. The only other experienced model I can think of in town is Mr. Butterscotch, and he's both retired and a stallion."
I winced, but managed bite my tongue.
Rarity narrowed her eyes. "Actually, Miss Fluttershy recently came out as a mare."
Hoity paled, he stared at me. I hid behind my lengthening mane.
Rarity reached out a hoof and turned him back to her. "It's not polite to stare."
Hoity winced. "I'm dreadfully sorry I just had no idea... A transgender Element of Harmony?"
Rarity raised an eyebrow, "Do you have a problem with trans ponies?" I swear she was this close to using 'the stare'.
Hoity shook his head. "Of course not! My agency was one of the very first to use transgender models. But regardless, she is still retired." He blinked. Suddenly there was a much more intrigued look in his eye. He turned to me. "Miss Fluttershy, may I ask, are you still retired? I would perfectly understand if you had quit before because you were forced to present as-"
"That's not why I retired!" I snapped. He froze.
I forced a smile. "Sorry, I just... I'm not interested in modeling. Thank you for the offer."
He looked deflated, but let me be probably because of the look Rarity gave him. The rest of the conversation devolved into a bunch of price negotiations and I took the opportunity to let them deal with the details and look out the window. The world was so beautiful, especially in springtime. Everything was bursting with life and joy. I saw Hummingway buzzing by, adorable and happy as can be. It was beautiful, anyone could see that. But I didn't feel my spirits lifting. At least not the way I used to.
I hadn't been able to... To feel very much recently. Twilight had said that it was because "I didn't have ovaries so my brain was dealing with a chemical imbalance because the chemical receptors in my brain weren't equipped to handle testosterone."
It made sense. It fit with everything I knew about biology (which was quite a lot), but it didn't make me feel any better.
Hoity left after some discussion and Rarity slumped onto a couch. I curled up next to her and let out a breath.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that." She mumbled.
I shook my head. "It's okay, it's far from the worst I've heard." Far, far from the worst...
"You know," She said, propping herself up. "If this works I should have enough money to help all of us... Lord knows stallions will pay anything to see mares in something skimpy."
I smiled. "Thank you Rarity, but I really don't want to accept any more gifts. I've been enough of a burden already."
She gave me a hug. It was warm and comforting. "Fluttershy, darling, you could never be a burden. I'd be simply lost without you."
I hugged her back. She was warm and nice, but also strong and sturdy. I knew she wasn't a stallion, but some small part of me was excited by that hug.
I let her go. I didn't want things to get more than friendly. I needed to remember that she wasn't a stallion, even when she was dressed like one. Rarity looked somewhat confused, but didn't press the issue.
I looked out the window again, watching the trees flow in the wind. I noticed a mare with a bright yellow coat and a solid red mane walking by. There was something... off about her.
She stopped and smiled... I swear she was staring right at me. Then she left.
"Fluttershy dear are you alright?" Rarity asked.
I blinked. "Um, yes. Totally. Um... Do we know a pony with a yellow coat and a red mane?"
She put a hoof to her chin in thought. "There was that Sunset Shimmer girl who caused so much trouble... why did you see her?"
I shook my head. "No... I did see a mare that had those things, but it wasn't her."
Rarity sighed. "It might just be someone new in town. You know it's amazing how much the population changes from day to day. I used to keep track of everyone by going to Pinkie's Parties, but now that she's stopped throwing them I'm not sure who's here and who isn't. I haven't even heard the latest gossip from Aloe, because I haven't gone to the spa of late..."
I turned to her. "Why not? You love the spa."
She leaned back into the sofa. "It's not the same. When I was proud of how I looked I viewed it as a way to pamper myself and look even better. Now keeping up appearances is just a chore. At least when I'm presenting male. And I can't exactly walk into a mud bath in a dress."
I giggled at the image. It wasn't much, but it felt good to laugh.... But I felt kind of bad when I realized what I was laughing at.
I curled up. "I'm sorry Rarity."
She patted me on the back. "It's alright dear, things are looking up. I think it will be a lot better once I come out. Aloe and Lotus have always been the accepting type. Even Bulk is a sweetheart deep down. How about this? When we get hormones, we'll get a full treatment to-"
The bell rang. Hoity had returned really fast.
He smiled, looking a little bit pleased with himself. "Well, that wasn't difficult at all! I knew her reputation for working hard was no idle chit chat. Mr. Elusive, may I present to you Miss Midnight Desire!"
He opened the door and a beautiful solid black mare with flowing curls stepped in. She had all the perfect curves in all the right places and a sultry look in her eyes. Her cutie mark was the only bit of color on her, but it was a good one. A golden chariot covered in jewels raced along her flank, drawing the eye to her flowing tail.
I blushed. I never did that around mares, I was straight as an arrow, but everything about her screamed sex.
I forced myself to look away and caught a glimpse of Rarity.
She looked shocked, completely at a loss for words.
I took a sip of Jack Daniel's and groaned, my head was pounding. It didn't help that DJ PON3 and her lover were playing some sort of jackhammer based metal single on the Crow Hop's stage.
A pair of very inebriated, very famous trans mares were sitting on the other side of the table. Rarity and Fluttershy had both gotten dressed before leaving Carousel Boutique, and while I didn't have any of my stuff lying around, Rarity had dug up a vest and some slacks, plus a bowler to hide my hair in. I was most grateful for the latter. The stupid stuff did nothing but fly into my mouth and stab me in the eyes.
A bright magenta mare sidled up to Rarity. "Hey girl, you want a drink?"
Rarity Hiccuped. "No thank you, I'm the T, not the L..."
The mare blinked, looking her up and down. "Are you suuuure?"
Rarity glared at her. "I woke up with a penis. So yes, I'm pretty sure."
The mare winced and backed away. The song changed to something slower and I idly waved down the waiter for a refill.
The waiter, a stocky, middle aged, earth pony with a concerned look in his eye, came over with coffee. Exactly what I hadn't ordered.
I groaned. "Rocky seriously, you're not our bucking mother. We wanted shots."
He grunted. "I know drinking for escape when I see it, and I'm afraid I care a bit too much for you lads to aid in the downward spiral. Don't worry, the coffee's on me. What's the matter anyway? I don't think I've ever seen you quite so glum."
I was really hoping to keep my job and my friends separate... I left the thought unspoken and downed the last of my actual drink. "What, I can't have secrets?"
The old bear rolled his eyes. "Fine, but I'm getting someone to walk ye' home tonight."
"Sure thing mom..." I stirred at my coffee and he went off to his next set of customers. He would be pretty cute if he didn't have such a stick up his ass. No gay joke intended.
"The ponies here seem really nice..." Fluttershy mumbled.
I hadn't even realized she was conscious. She'd taken one sip of hard cider and curled up on the table. Apparently she was tougher than she looked (not that that would be very hard).
I shrugged. "Welcome to the LGBT community I guess. From the outside we're a bunch of crazy party animals, but from the inside you see us for what we really are."
"And what's that?" Rarity asked.
"A refugee camp." I said, sipping my coffee. It was insufficiently Irish.
Fluttershy snuggled into the wood. "I don't think it's all that bad. I mean, ponies working together, helping each other... Maybe the shared hardship has brought out the best in them."
I shook my head. "It's a pretty sentiment, but let's be honest. After all the crap we've been through we're just looking for safety in numbers. Coming out is like puttin' a big fat target on your forehead. Especially if you're trans and you want to make a living."
Rarity sighed. "You sir are a very bitter drunk."
Fluttershy looked up at me, she had an absolutely heart melting expression on her muzzle. "Do you really think we only care about you for what we can get out of you?"
I felt my heart clench. This girl could be militarized. "Uhhh... I mean... No." I looked away. "But what you have to offer is really important. People wouldn't pay to see my disgusting plot trot around stage in a thong if they didn't like what they saw."
"You don't need to do that though!" Rarity cut in.
I raised an eyebrow. "Oh like you don't need to make lingerie?"
That shut her right up... I kind of felt bad about that.
"What I, *hic*," Fluttershy began. "What I don't get is why we can't get everything covered with insurance. I mean, seriously, do we look healthy? Did I pull out that stupid razor blade because I was healthy?"
I winced. I hadn't known about that and I didn't think now was the time to press for details. "I dunno," I said, stirring at my coffee. "It's like... Our shitty medical problems aren't obvious."
Rarity huffed. "Dear, how are suicide attempts and abject misery not obvious?"
I groaned. "Because from the outside, our problems makes us look like nut jobs who have some kind of brain issue and want to be fruit bats or something."
"I was a fruitbat once." Fluttershy mumbled. "I was a vampire fruit bat!"
Apparently she'd had way more to drink than I thought. I continued. "My point is, saying 'oh hey, we have a hormonal imbalance and a neurological body mapping that doesn't fit, caused by hormone spikes that set our brains to the other gender mode in utero so we're trying to fix it. But we're not delusional, we totally know how much our bodies suck we just hate them.'" I took a sip of coffee, "... is a lot harder to swallow than 'this person is a raving looney trying to hurt themselves'."
"Don't be mean to Luna." Rarity mumbled.
"You know a lot of biology." Fluttershy noted.
I shook my head. "Lilac knows a lot of biology. I just pick stuff up from her because she was the only person who would talk to me before you all showed up."
"You two are a cute couple..." Rarity mentioned.
I didn't quite do a spit take. "It's not like that! We just... Kind of needed to be there for each other. We're friends..." I let out a breath. "Honestly that's way more important to me than having someone to bang."
Fluttershy looked me in the eye. "You can have both you know. Even with the same person."
I blushed. She was cute and all in that whole 'wounded delicate flower' way, but I was going to chock that line up to alcohol.
Speaking of which, Rocky was probably right. I pushed in my stool. "We should head out. Tomorrow we have another long day of me whoring myself out for money."
Rarity huffed. "You're a model, not a prostitute."
I shrugged, counting up the empty bottles and piling a frightening number of bits on the table. "I might as well be... C'mon, we really do need some sleep."
Rarity sighed and packed up her things, Fluttershy hobbled after us.
Once we were out the door the crisp spring night engulfed us. I thought it was bracing, but I saw Fluttershy start to shiver as she swayed.
Crap. I shed my vest and passed it to the poor girl. She blinked, but eventually figured out what I was getting at and slipped it on. It wasn't much, but it would help.
I looked at my now exposed frame. My exposed soft, curvy frame... I sighed. I tell you, the things I do for gentleman points.
I shook myself. Whatever, It was late and cold so the streets were nearly empty. Its not like there were any back woods yokels around to give me a hard time.
"Howdy Y'all!" Came a voice.
Son of a...
The yellow mare behind me waved a hoof. "Hi AJ! Have you met Driver? He's suuuper nice, even if he's sad a lot! *hic*."
Applejack, a massive orange earth pony stallion, eyed me up and down and scratched the back of his head. "Him?"
I narrowed my eyes. "I'm a dude. You want to make something of it?"
To his credit, the hulking slap of meat winced and held up his hooves apologetically. "Nope, nothin' like that, didn't mean nothing, but... what are y'all doin' out this late?"
"We got drinks!" Fluttershy blabbed, giggling to herself.
AJ frowned. "I noticed. Maybe I should walk you back to the farm."
We had left without telling Rocky...
Rarity nodded. "Probably a good idea Applejack, do make sure she's okay." Rarity yawned.
Applejack tilted his head. "Do you need a walk home?"
The designer shook her head. "Don't worry darling, I have much more experience holding my liquor. Besides, I live close and Driver's with me."
The Pegasus mare sidled over to Applejack, presumably to plead her case for sobriety... and promptly fell asleep on his shoulder. The farm pony sighed. "Alright, you stay safe ya hear?"
Rarity smiled. "Of course dear." That said we parted ways, letting the Stallion guide the inebriated mare back home. Normally I'd be pretty worried about something like that, but Applejack was a massively trustworthy guy... Plus, I was pretty sure he was gay.
Rarity and I continued down the town's streets, mostly just recovering from the night. After a few blocks, she spoke up. "That was really nice of you, loaning Fluttershy your vest."
I winced. "Um... actually I sort of gave her your vest, remember?"
She waved it away. "I gave it to you, so it was yours. I don't claim ownership of my gifts."
I'd thought it was a loan, but I didn't feel like kicking up a fuss. She looked up at the sky, taking in the grandeur of the night.
"Can I ask you something?" She asked.
I snorted. "You just did."
She rolled her eyes. "Don't be trite, I meant to ask, what on earth does your cutie mark mean? Chariots aren't usually associated with modeling."
I tilted my head, was that all? "Uh... I do custom decals for carts, the occasional locomotive and.... Have you ever seen a ponyless carriage?" I asked.
She blinked. "Ponyless carriage? I'm afraid I haven't heard the term."
That broke the dam. "Well you'll be hearing it a lot soon! Ponyless carriages are the wave of the future. They're incredible feats of engineering. They're like the steam engines that pull trains, but their own independent cart without tracks. It's all about this thing called internal combustion... And they look pretty awesome with a sleek, shimmering paint coat and maybe a few Silhouettes of rolling flames."
She giggled. "So you do have an artistic side. I thought modeling was just for money."
I shook my head. "No, see... that part is just for money. And modeling isn't really art. It's like baking at best. Follow the instructions, do what you're told and at the end of the day you'll get what the guy with the camera wants. What you do, designing new stuff. That's art."
Rarity shook her head. "I appreciate the compliment, but I think there's a lot more acting involved and acting tends to involve more creativity than baking." She paused, "Actually, scratch that, I'm fairly sure Pinkie Pie expends too much creativity baking." She laughed.
I found myself laughing too. "Good god... That maple-pineapple chili pepper upside down cake. I dunno how the Cakes manage to keep up with her."
Rarity stopped. She was gazing off into the distance.
I tilted my head. "Uh... Rarity?"
She shook herself. "Sorry, I'm just lost in thought. Ever since my friends and I... Admitted that we were trans ponies, none of us have been on the top of our game. Twilight's sealing herself in the library digging for answers, Pinkie's down to a single bizarre kitchen creation a week and Fluttershy has recessed into her old terrified self... at least most of the time." She shot me a surprisingly nasty look. "You know she's off limits right?"
I held up my hooves. "Don't worry, I get it, drunken flirting is not real flirting. Besides, she might as well have a big neon sign around her saying 'detour, any other mare in existence'."
Rarity smiled. "Sorry, I just had to make sure."
We kept walking. The silence was nice, but something was eating at me.
"Say, Rarity..." I began.
She turned to me. "Yes?"
"How are you holding up?"
She gulped. "I'm alright... Well, I'm not alright obviously, but I'm better than I was before. At least now I know I'm moving forward... Even if the pace is ridiculously slow."
I smiled. "Yeah, the waiting's always the hard part... So I'm told. I still need to save up some more cash before I get things kicked into gear."
Finally we reached town square. I gazed to the left. "Umm... My house is that way. I think here is where we have to part ways, unless you want me to-"
She smirked. "I'm perfectly okay to walk a few blocks. I'll see you tomorrow for the shoot. Take care of yourself."
I nodded. "Always do."
#
Rarity
As I walked the last few blocks back to Carousel boutique I found myself pondering the puzzle that was Driver. We had similar issues really, though from the opposite side of things... It was odd sometimes, realizing just how many people in the world you could relate to.
I bumped into a stallion walking the other way. "Pardon," I mumbled, starting to move away, but he caught a hold of my foreleg and turned me around to face him. He had a big smile on his face.
I groaned, it was far too late in the evening for this. "Can I... help you?"
I heard hoof steps behind me. I turned to look and saw two more stallions and yellow mare with a red mane...
Oh no...
I dropped my saddlebag. "It's yours," I said, "just let me go."
The yellow mare smiled. "Oh you silly little he-she. You're not going anywhere..."
TRIGGER WARNING: This is the darkest chapter in the story and should probably be rated mature. It is not very explicit, but the subject matter is extremely dark. Please proceed with caution.
Rarity
The hoof slammed into my stomach and I let out a cry. "H-HEELP-"
A tendril of magic wrapped around my muzzle and forced it shut. The red maned mare chuckled. "Silly stallion. We're all alone."
Another hoof slammed into my face. I felt a tooth crack. I whimpered in pain and tried to struggle, but it was no use... two of the Earth Ponies were holding me to the wall while the third worked me over. I'd tried to use my magic, but the first thing they did was crack my horn... Now I couldn't even speak.
The mare was laughing. "Oh this is rich. How does it feel tranny? Do you feel all special now? Boys don't take it kindly when you pretend to be a girl."
"Fucking rapist!" The earth pony shouted. He slammed a hoof into my stomach and a burst of hacking air spurted from my nose. He glared. "You think you can trick men into fucking you? You think you can walk into women's bathrooms and have your way with them?"
He tore my dress open and forced my head down. "This is what you are... And for all our families, we're going to make sure you remember."
He certainly tried. They did... things to me. There was pain, shame... fear.
I couldn't fight it. I couldn't move. All I could do was stare up at the stars and pray this was a dream.
But Luna would never be so cruel.
I don't know if it went on for minutes or hours. I cried. I cried, and cried for so long that I ran out of tears...
Then I heard a sound.
It was a harsh sound, a rapid, meaty smack followed by a sickening crunch. The stallion in front of me fell to the ground and I saw an orange hoof take his place. A new pony stepped in front of me. His... No her Stetson covering a short cropped mane.
Applejack snarled at my attackers. "Back. Off."
They were on her in an instant.
The unicorn was the greatest threat by far, and Applejack knew it. The second she fired up her horn AJ grabbed her by the mane and flung her against the far wall.
I heard ribs crack and with a desperate teleport she vanished in a puff of magic.
The others proved more resilient.
Earth ponies are not flashy fighters like pegasi or unicorns. What I watched was a brutal, bloody slog of bruising flesh and snapping bones.
AJ was outnumbered, but she was also trained in the martial art of rodeo. Any time they tried to grab her she shook them off. Every time they tried to land a blow, she would dodge it...
At least at the start.
The two ponies that were holding me down fled quickly, clearly they hadn't been expecting anything like this, but the one who... The one who hurt me kept at it, matching AJ blow for blow.
He lashed out with so much rage that I had no idea what to make of it. I tried to get up and help, but the pain was just... I could barely move.
He bore down on her. She was stronger, I knew that, but she had burnt far more energy. His blows landed again and again until eventually he saw an opening.
He swept her hooves out from under her and she stumbled to the ground. He slammed his hoof into her throat. She opened her mouth in pain, but no sound came out. I croaked in fear.
The stallion spat on her. "You don't get to touch me farm boy..."
He turned to me. "You think this perv you seduced is your knight in shining armor don't you?" He pressed down even harder. AJ started jerking around, writhing in pain.
The stallion smirked. "Some knight... But you know, at least he's honest. At least he doesn't pretend to be something he isn't. You're stupid stal-"
He cried out in agony as Applejack's back hooves crushed his groin.
The hoarse mare cried out and body slammed him into a corner. She raised up her hoof and smashed his face again and again. I'd never seen anything like it. The stallion's rage had been burning, terrible thing, but what was in AJ's eyes was different.
There was no fire, no rage, just a cold, desperate hate. She slammed her hooves down on him again, and again until there was nothing left of the stallion but a quivering, bloody pile sobbing into the dirt.
"She's a mare..." Applejack growled, her voice was very low. She raised her hoof high, ready to smash in his skull. My eyes went wide.
"S-Stop!" I croaked.
The farm pony froze mid swing.
"Applejack please... You've won. He's not worth it." I coughed and groaned from the effort.
She stopped. The stallion stayed on the ground. He was in terrible shape, His ribs looked like they were shifting on his chest... but at least he was alive.
I saw a rocking horse on his flank. I had no idea what to make of that.
Applejack stared at what she'd done. She shook herself and turned to me, bruised, but mostly okay. "Do- Do ya'll need help?"
I coughed, my eye was swelling closed and my throat was bruised, but I managed a nod. "Could... Could you take me to the hospital?"
She gingerly lifted me onto her back... Then after a moment she turned to the stallion.
"He... He should go too. Are... Are you going to be okay riding with him?" She asked.
I gulped... But the stallion clearly needed medical attention and I didn't want to make my friend a murderer. I nodded.
Applejack gave him a nasty look... But it didn't have the same ice as before. "You start any shit and I'll- I'll finish what I started you hear?"
The bloody stallion nodded, he looked absolutely looked terrified.
AJ picked him up, draped him over herself and started trotting.
I turned to the bleeding, broken pony next to me. He'd beaten me, he'd made me feel like I was nothing... But in that moment all I could feel was pity.
"My name is Rarity." I said lamely.
"C-Carver." He sputtered.
The rest of the ride was silent.
#
Applejack
"Applejack what happened!"
"It's okay little sis. I just had to get some roughhouser off a friend, that's all."
"Lan's sake boy, that cut on your leg looks really deep... Did he have a knife?"
"I- I mean I guess he did."
"We should take a look at that. Should we get you to the clinic tomorrow?"
"Don't worry Granny, it's... It's not as bad as it looks."
I leaped through the window of the crystal castle and bowled into the study.
"Twilight!" I called. "We need you! We think that creepy mare from the sperm bank is trying to kill us! Rarity's in the Hospital! Also Flutters is passed out with a killer hangover and is only guarded by a seriously beat up AJ. And, if you've got some time after all that, I've got something to help us coming in I... Think..."
I blinked. Our resident egghead wasn't here.
I flew through the castle. I rifled through the book cases, I even checked under her bed... Nothing.
"TWILIGHT!" I cried out.
I felt a cold sweat break out. Where could she possibly have gone?
#
Twilight Sparkle
The train pulled up to Fillydelphia's platform and I shook Spike. "We're here sleepyhead."
He yawned and blinked his eyes open. "Ugh... Did we really need to take the red eye?"
I picked up my saddlebag "Yes Spike, I already told you, I sent the message to the university a week ago and they still haven't responded." At this point I'd actually sent about 20 messages. I steeled myself. "We need to get to the source!"
" Couldn't we have gotten to the source tomorrow..." He muttered.
I ignored that and strapped on my saddlebag, lifting the beleaguered dragon onto my back. I needed to prove my theory and time was wasting.
After spending some time in Manehatten, I have to say the ponies of Fillydelphia were startlingly polite. Still, it was a city and I wasn't in any sort of royal precession. The streets were crowded and traffic was heavy Getting to the office building would take time. I only had... I checked a nearby clock... three hours to get there.
I heard Spike's stomach rumble. I winced. Okay, maybe I was rushing things a bit.
I cleared my thoat. "Say, Spike would you like to get a cheese portabello before we get started?"
The little dragon perked right up at that. "A filly cheese portabello! Count me in!"
I smirked. I felt like it had been forever since I'd seen him excited.
That was... actually kind of sad.
It didn't take long before we bumped into a food cart. I ordered two sandwiches... Okay four sandwiches, and waited while Spike covered his with so much hot sauce it made my eyes water.
"Would you like anything else sir?" asked the mare behind the truck.
I winced at the 'sir', but shook my head and gave her some bits with as polite a smile as I could manage. Spike and I wandered over to a park bench and sat down with our piles of greasy deliciousness. We tore into them with gusto and with some food in me I started to feel like a pony again... But something was off. Spike wasn't talking very much.
I swallowed down the last of sandwich number one and turned to the little dragon idly licking hot sauce off his claws. "Spike, are you okay?"
"Huh?" He looked up. "Of course! I mean... Things have been kind of rough recently, what with all you girls coming out, and you locking yourself away, and Elusive... I mean... Rarity not being Elusive any more."
I sighed. "Okay, fair..." The sounds of the city hummed in the background. I grew up in Canterlot, so I found them somewhat calming... not calming enough, but it helped.
"Spike," I began, looking down awkwardly. "I'm really sorry if I've been neglecting you recently. It just feels like so much stuff is happening to me at once and there just isn't an easy fix." I gripped my oozing sandwich. "I mean, maybe something good will come out of this though. Pining after Rari- I mean, after Elusive wasn't super healthy."
He crossed his arms. "Oh, really, so it wasn't healthy when he talked me down from the whole giant monster phase? I think the Wonderbolts were pretty happy about that."
I shook my head. "That's not what I mean... Although I'll admit Rar- Elusive did seem to bring a lot of nobility out of you that day. Still, you've got to know it wasn't in the cards. Imagine what it would be like if Pound Cake told you he was in love with you."
Spike raised an eyebrow. "Uhh... Twilight, Pound Cake knows like two words."
I rolled my eyes, "You know what I mean."
He opened his mouth... Then closed it. "Okay, yeah I get it. I need to find a guy who's my age it's just... He made me feel special, he made me feel warm inside. Now I look at him and it's still him, or her or whatever, but all the attraction is gone. It feels... weird."
I put a hoof on his shoulder. "Sometimes we get caught up in good people who just aren't right for us."
He grinned. "Are you speaking from experience?"
I blushed. It may have fit well, but for the record I was not going to tell him about those two weeks when I was four when I convinced myself I was madly in love with my brother. "... Let's just go with 'it happens and it's not fun' okay?"
He sighed. "I guess I'll meet other guys... Preferably ones that want to stay guys."
An uncomfortable thought occurred to me. "Spike... Have the people in town been okay with you? I mean, I've been sitting here whining about being trans when you've apparently been openly gay for a long time. I have to admit, I haven't really been... Paying attention." I slumped. When did I become such a terrible caregiver?
Spike smiled. "It's okay Twi, honestly the ponies in Ponyville are pretty chill. There are a few jerks, like that Carver guy who runs the toy shop ugh, but overall folks have been really nice."
I smiled back. "Good to know."
We finished our food in a much more comfortable silence.
We deposited our wrappers in the trash and spike hopped on my back... We had to try and catch-
"Uh... Hey... Twi?"
I stopped. I turned to the little dragon. "Yes Spike?"
He twiddled his thumbs. "I just... I wanted to let you know, it took me a while, but... I'm really glad to have you as a... Sister? Mother? We never worked that out. The point is, I just wanted to let you know I still love you and I'm sorry if I've been distant."
There was a pause.
Then I picked him up with magic and gave him the tightest hug ever.
Spike squirmed. "Ack! Okay! I get it! You love me too. Are you planning on letting go any time soon?"
I thought about it...
"No." I said finally.
#
Twilight
The walls of the University of Fillydelphia's administrative office were not quite as impressive as some of the palaces I'd seen in Canterlot, but they were lined with gorgeous tapestries showing the university's august history. The discovery of teleportation theory, the first Equestria Games victory against the Griffon Kingdom, and many, many more triumphs were woven into the fabric.
But the University of Fillydelphia's quiet victories were even more impressive. They were the first to map and monitor the mana lines that knit the magic of the world together. It was diligent, slow work, but it was impossibly important for spellcasters drawing power from the earth and the detection of magical anomalies. If anyone in Equestria knew what was wrong with the magical background radiation, it would be them.
Spike and I made our way to the reception desk and found a somewhat flustered blue mare sitting behind the counter.
"P-Prince Dusk!" She sputtered.
I bit my tongue.
The receptionist (File Folder, if the name on the desk was right) gave me a small bow. "I am so sorry your highness, we had no idea you were coming, shall I contact the presid-"
I held up a hoof. "It's quite alright, and just T- Just Dusk is fine. This isn't an audit or anything, I'm just trying to clear something up."
She relaxed somewhat. "Of course Prin- I mean, of course Dusk, how can I help?" She folded her hooves and waited professionally.
I smiled. "Recently I sent a few letters to your magical survey department about a matter of some urgency and I was really hoping to talk the Department Head as he still hasn't responded. Would you have a map so I could..."
The mare's expression had grown somber.
I blinked. "Is... Is something wrong?"
She shook her head. "I'm afraid I know why he hasn't responded."
Spike tilted his head. "Why?"
The mare hung her head. "He was murdered several months ago."
I groaned and slumped at the counter. I knew I needed to get up, be focused and attentive. Something like that.
Sweet Celestia I wanted a nap...
I was covering a shift for Muffins, and while I was glad for the extra money It did mean that I had been sitting behind this desk for 5 and half hours after doing 6 hours of weather maintenance.
I tried to psych myself up. I had a responsibility after all. I had a duty as a mail griffon to get people's letters and packages to their doors and let neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor whatever sadistic precipitation the folks in weather orientation could dream up stop me!
It didn't work. I sighed and returned to staring at the clock, silently begging for it to move faster so I could go home to a nice cup of tea and a book.
I used to be allowed to read when I was tending the post office, on account of a lot of it was sitting at a desk waiting for people to ask for stuff once the mail was sorted. But eventually the management cracked down on that. They weren't entirely unjustified. I had to admit, sometimes my coworkers I read when there was actually something else we could be doing so...
I actually got really depressed thinking about that. I'd finished like fifty books in the past month. Was I lazy, or just too stressed out to deal with reality? Dangit I didn't want to be a parasite! My laziness ended right now! I was going to sit at this post and be vigilant.
I stood at attention and stared at the door. A customer was bound to arrive soon!
Any second...
Just keep staring!
And staring...
And staring...
I was seriously considering just leaping out the window when a prismatic blur burst into the office.
Of all people my other boss, Rainbow Blitz, was standing in front of me with a pile of fliers. He looked beat and he was glancing around the room nervously.
I raised an eyebrow. "Uh... Can I help you?"
The Stallion blinked. "Yeah, have you seen... Wait, Trent? What are you doing here?"
I looked to the side sheepishly. "I... Sort of picked up a part time job, I needed the extra money."
He tilted his head. "Huh? I mean, that's fine and all, I just though weather work paid well enough that you... You know what, it's not important right now. Have you seen Dusk?"
Actually I wasn't a bad person to ask. I'd had an early weather shift, so I'd had a bird's eye view (no pun intended) of Ponyville for a good chunk of the day. I thought back. "Um... I might have seen he- him at the train station earlier, maybe he went out of town?"
I winced That was waaay too close.
Blitz didn't even notice. He let out a breath. "Oh thank Celestia... But where did he go? Why wouldn't he tell us! He doesn't even know about the attack."
My eyes went wide. "Attack? There was an Attack? What kind? Is everyone okay?"
He held up a hoof. "It's okay, don't panic. We've got the guard on it and everyone that was hurt is getting care..."
I actually squawked with fear. "What?! Who was hurt?"
He facehoofed. "I am really bad with this 'reassure the public" stuff. Look, Elusive was attacked, he's in the hospital getting checked out. AJ's a bit banged up too, but you know him, he just rushed off back to the farm..." He shivered. "I... I don't know how that would have gone down if he wasn't there."
He shook himself. "Anyway, the guard is posting sketches." He passed me a flyer. "If you see those guys, or that damn Mare especially, get the heck out of there and call the authorities." He paused. "Although... I'll be honest, you're probably not their target."
I nodded, looking at the flier. "Okay, Sweet Boreas this is messed up..." The flier described it as a "Hate Crime" I gulped.
"Yeah," He returned. "It's... It's all pretty messed up. Anyway, that's why I was so worried about Dusk being missing. I'll talk to you later. Keep safe okay?"
That said he turned around, went for the door and... Stopped.
He turned around. "I almost forgot! Do you have any packages in for me? That's sort of why I came in the first place. Not that your detective skills aren't appreciated."
I gave him a weak smile and checked behind the desk. He, in fact, had two packages, one from a Cloudsdale address and one from... The Griffon Kingdom? Where had I seen that address before?
I didn't want to pry anyway. I passed the packages over to Blitz. He tore open the first one right in front of me, tearing into it like a starving man. It contained a very nice sweater. He pushed that aside and ripped the packaging on the other.
He pulled out a small bottle from inside.
My eyes were good... I knew what it was.
Oh shit...
Before I could say anything he was out the door.
My professionalism evaporated and I closed early.
#
Lilac
I flew to Blitz's place as fast as my wings could carry me... Which I'll admit wasn't very fast. I was a pretty good heavy lifter when it came to flight, and I was stable as heck, but I would never be a racer.
As I arrived at his (her??) cloud home I realized I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say. If he was actually a trans woman, then confiscating those bottles would be depriving her of her hormones and she'd be as likely to give them up as a bear would her cub. But if he was a he then he might just be full on smuggling the stuff and he'd try to ensure my silence... Or make me disappear.
I shivered. I had a lot of scary boy strength, and I was bigger than him, but he was seriously ripped and basically a combat veteran on top of that. If he was going to try and take me out I had no doubt he could do it.
Which begged the question, why the buck did you come alone!
Because if she's trans then she'd want to keep it quiet.
And if he's a drug smuggler he'll put us in the ground! Twilight's trans and she has wings and all that alicorn magic! Why didn't you bring her!
"Because she's not in town!" I snapped.
"Uh... Trent?" Blitz asked.
"Gah!" Rainbow was standing right behind me. I was backed into his locked front door. I was pinned!
"Um... Hu- Hi Rainbow Blitz!" I managed. "G-Great weather we've been having huh?"
He/she blinked. "Uh... Yeah... We made it. Can, I help you with someth-?"
"The pills are bad!" I blurted.
Blitz blanched. "What! I- I mean," He took a step back, "I mean, I don't know what you're talking about!" he stammered.
I grit my beak... There was nowhere to go. No turning back now. "The estradiol. It's bad. And you shouldn't buy from that guy he hurts people! He..." I gripped the cloud beneath me. "He hurt me..."
Blitz's eyes went wide. "Oh shit. I... Have I been poisoned? Am I going to die?"
Her then. I let out a breath if it was for personal use she wasn't smuggling. "No," I said, "It's just a crappy dosage... At least that's what it was last time."
There was a moment of slience.
Finally Rainbow spoke up. "So... Do you want to come inside? I really think we should talk."
That said, she walked through the cloud wall behind me.
I squeezed at the completely optionally solid surface behind me. Oh, right.
# Rarity
"You shouldn't be here! What are you thinking?" Driver asked.
I didn't even put down my pincushion. "I was thinking I could move, and if I could move I could work." The damage wasn't that bad anyway. I was covered in bruises, and I'd twisted a couple ankles, but amazingly nothing was broken.
"That's not what I mean!" He went on. "That fucking monster..."
Bleeding, broken, crying...
I shook my head. I didn't want to fight any monster that cried...
He stood in front of me. "Rarity you need to talk about this! If you're pissed at me, I get it, I really do, but you need to talk to someone!"
I blinked, that explained the fruit basket and this little outburst. I put a hoof on his shoulder. "Driver, you arre the last pony in the world that I'm angry that about all this. You had nothing to-"
He cut me off. "I have everything to do with this! I left you alone! Late at night! Right after we had a long conversation about how dangerous it was. I'm one of those stallions that put's girls in danger, I'm a-"
I dug through the files the local police had gathered on the University Killings and I had to admit not much new was coming up. I hadn't been involved in many murder investigations in my time though so this was all new to me. But... I did have a small investigative task force behind me so I was getting a solid crash course.
I flipped to the next page of the file, frowning as I marked up another copy. There had been three killings, all in the space of a week, all senior staff at the University of Fillydelphia. The victims included the head of the magical survey department, the head of the ritual casting department, and the head of the neurology department (a pegasus to my surprise, apparently using pegasus lightning manipulation to map the flow of electricity in the brain provided her with some serious insights).
I had been leafing through their notes, trying to find any connection between them aside from them all working at the same university, but all I'd found out so far was that they were fascinating, vibrant ponies who I would have loved to befriend.
And the head of neurology had a filly...
I took a sip of coffee and looked at another gory picture. The killings had not been clean... The only real comfort I had was that coroner reported that the flaying hadn't started until after the victims were dead.
Some sort of spell had been cast on them before that, But its signature was faded by the time forensics got to the bodies. The CSI had no clue what to make of the vague readings they'd scrounged together, but I swear, something about it seemed familiar...
Seargeant Peace Keeper put a coffee cup down in front of me. "You should take it easy. It would be quite the hit to morale if you tired yourself out worrying."
I gave him a weak smile and took a sip of liquid heaven. The Filly PD did not skimp on their beans. After seeing what they had to put up with I couldn't blame them. I shook my head. "I still don't understand why you didn't contact the princesses earlier. This is a serious case."
He shrugged. "To be honest the whole case seems a bit fishy to me, but serial killers aren't necessarily considered federal issues unless they cross principality lines. We reported it of course, but... Well, I'd be lying if I said it was the only grisly set of murders to happen in Equestria. I can assure you, now that we know it's a national security matter we'll be taking it much more seriously."
I nodded. "Thank you. And don't worry, I've called in federal investigators to give you some extra pony power."
He winced. "The help will be appreciated your highness, but I'm not going to lie, I'm not looking forward to the extra red tape."
I smirked. "I'll see what I can do to cut that down for you. And it's just Dusk. I'm not Princess of Friendship for nothing." I shook myself. "Sorry... Prince. It's been a long night."
The officer grinned. "I'll bet." He looked around for a moment, making sure we were alone. Then he spoke in a softer voice. "You know, we stallions were really glad when you got elevated. It's good to have representation among the royals."
I tilted my head. "Have there been problems? I always saw the princesses as fairly egalitarian."
He nodded, "Sure, but there are some things they just don't view as priorities. There still isn't a male birth control pill, and sexual assault of stallions is a serious and under-reported issue."
I bit my lip. This was treading into uncomfortable territory. Still, he wasn't wrong. "Remind me to look into those." I said.
He smiled. "Any time Dusk."
There was a rustle outside. I heard a whimper.
The sergeant dropped his coffee and made his way to to the reception area at a dead run. I followed behind, suddenly flush with adrenaline.
When we reached the reception area there was a stallion in a dress struggling against two of Filly's finest. "Let go of me you perverts!" He shouted in a voice that at least attempted to be feminine.
I felt my stomach churn. Oh no...
The Sergeant stamped his hoof. "What is the meaning of this?"
One of the guards, a muscled mare with a cropped mane cut tightened the transpony's cuffs. "We were checking for contraband sarge. It turns out they're not forms, they're implants."
The transpony growled. "They're not implants either you thugs! I grew them! They're natural."
The muscled officer rolled her eyes. "Hormone induced teats on a stallion are anything but natural."
"For the last time! I'm not a stallion!" The detainee spat.
"Your ID says otherwise." returned the officer.
"Enough!" I shouted.
Everyone froze. The restrained pony stared at me. "P-Prince Dusk?"
I did a quick run through of Cadence's breathing exercise and turned to the police officers. "What has she been accused of?" I asked.
The other officer holding her, a Stallion with a young face, cleared his throat. "He's suspected of prostitution your highness."
"For no reason." The detainee interjected.
The muscled mare grit her teeth. "The suspect was dressed like that waving at carriages."
"I was hailing a cab!"
I held up a hoof. It was taking all my self control to hold myself together... But I had to remember, I didn't have the whole story and I couldn't let myself be biased.
"Has she seen a judge yet?"
The Muscled Mare shook her head. "No Princess."
I gave a stern look to the room at large. "Then as a presiding royal I shall act as one. For the time being I will accept that the charges are valid and she should be assigned a court date. I set her bail at 20 bits." I yanked the money out of my saddlebag and dropped it on the bursar's desk.
The trans mare blinked.
I grunted. "Consider it a settlement for any charges against the department associated with misconduct during your search."
The muscled mare bit her lip.
"Now, officers, please assign her a court date and let her go. If no judge is available in the next few weeks I shall oversee her trial personally."
There was a pause as everyone processed this.
"Is there a problem?" I asked.
The police let her go. The officers gave her a piece of paper and she fled before anyone else could touch her.
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. The rest of the PD stared at me.
It was way too late at night to deal with this. I made my way to the station door.
"I'll be back tomorrow."
#
Lilac
It was about the last thing in the world I expected, but Rainbow Dash had a tea set.
Apparently Fluttershy (yet another element of harmony that was trans, seriously, was AJ the only cis one?) had given it to her at one point, less as a present and more as insurance that she would have something to drink when she came over.
Whatever the reasons for its existence I was grateful. I sipped at the chamomile and eyed the mare across from me. Neither of us looked particularly feminine, but... I don't know, I felt like I could see something different about her now that she'd told me. Maybe she was just less tense. Maybe I was full of crap.
Dash spoke up. "So... 'Lilac' is a neat name, how did you decide on that one?"
I smirked. "My mom gave it to me actually, I wanted her to have skin in the game so I asked her for a new one."
She tilted her head. "Seriously? With you running off to Ponyville from the Griffon Kingdom I assumed your parents disowned you or something."
I shook my head. "No... My parents are pretty cool. I left because there wasn't much in the way of medicine or support in Griffon Stone..." I thought back to a more desperate time and shivered. "At least the legal kind."
Dash winced. "Oh."
I took a sip of tea. "You've been there?"
She nodded. "I have a friend there actually, she seems to be trying to patch things up a bit, both for herself and her town, but I'm not going to lie I'm kind of worried about her."
I put a claw on her shoulder. "Don't worry, for what it's worth the last I heard the griffons were on the upswing. It was even starting to get better before I left. It just... wasn't moving fast enough for me."
Dash took a sip of her instant coffee (it frightened me that she could stomach that stuff) and sighed. "So who's this Blane A-hole? Can I kick his ass for selling me bogus HRT?"
"I..." I grimaced. How the heck was I supposed to describe Blane?
"You know how everyone has that shitty story about that time when their life sucked?" I asked.
She nodded.
I gulped. "Well, Blane's mine. Just... I'd rather not go into too much detail, but you definitely don't want to give him more money."
Dash looked down. "I hate to say it, but I already gave him 400 bits."
I nearly spit out my tea. "You gave him that much!? That's a fortune in the griffon economy, how much estradiol did you buy?"
She gestured to the box. "It was supposed to be a surprise for me and... Some friends."
I blushed, thinking back to the other trans elements. "I probably know who you're talking about. I run PATA."
Her eyes went wide. "That's you?" He smirked. "Damn, I was going to come to the next meeting."
I smiled. "You still can."
My eyes wandered to the bottles. Even dulled down with baking soda they were still estrogen. Maybe he hadn't cut it with anything worse. He hadn't needed to after all. A trans girl without her hormones was desperate enough. Maybe I could...
I shook myself and closed the lid on the box. I wasn't touching anything that griffon made. Just three more months.
Dash sighed. "I really blew it this time. I thought I could just sidestep all this counseling and testing crap and make my friends feel better." She took another swig of her disgusting concoction. "I guess the whole 'drug smuggler' thing should have been a tip off."
I looked to the floor. "Your heart was in the right place." My teacup was empty. I brought it over to the sink and eyed the lowering sun through the kitchen window. "I should really get home." I mumbled.
"You wanna crash here?" she asked.
I raised an eyebrow. "Um..."
She held up her hooves. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just... That nutjob's still out there and I... She's probably targeting trans ponies and I thought you might... And we could... You know, be here as backup for each other?"
I scanned, her. Looking for an ulterior motive... But she just looked shaken.
In all honesty I was right there with her. Today had rather astronomically sucked.
I eyed the couch in the corner. "Does that thing fold out?"
She smiled. "You know it does.
I smirked. "Okay then."
We went to get some pillows with a spring in our steps. Wait until Driver heard I'd spent the night with an Element of Harmony...
Warning: Though there is nothing explicit, the sex tag applies to this chapter.
Driver
I woke up in a hot purple maned mare's bed.
I'm normally more than okay with such developments, but in spite of how much I'd mellowed out after what happened last night I was still a bit shell shocked about the whole thing. She had just kind of pounced on me.
After getting beaten up...
I felt a bit of a shiver down my spine. Did I just take advantage of her?
I felt a sinking feeling in my gut.
Rarity stirred next to me and poked up her head. "Driver? Are you alright?"
I blinked. "Yeah, I... What was that?"
Rarity winced. "A very strange encounter. Not because of you, because of me."
I smiled morosely. "Yeah. Welcome to the world getting physical while trans, where everything is just a little bit off."
She rolled her eyes. "I thought last night would have drained a bit of that salt." She got a sultry look in her eye. "Well, there's only one cure for that."
She leaned in and that little doubtful voice in my head melted away. Our lips met in a glorious rush...
But that pit in my stomach wouldn't leave.
Wait a sec...
My eyes went wide.
It wasn't my stomach.
I pushed her off, unable to hide my panic. "Bathroom! W-where is your bathroom?"
She blinked. "There's one attached to the bedroom right over ther-"
The second she pointed to the appropriate door I bolted. I got in, slammed the door shut and locked it behind me. I started hyperventilating.
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck!
Why now! Why ever!
I grit my teeth and forced myself to remain calm. I was a big stallion, I wasn't about to cry about something I dealt with all the bucking time time.
I surveyed the bathroom. She was bound to have some painkillers at least, then I could make due with some toilet paper until I got back to my place and...
My eyes reached her shelves and I blinked.
Wait... What?
#
Rarity
I paced outside the bathroom door. What was wrong? I knew I'd come on fast, but he had seemed alright with it...
I shivered. Had I taken advantage of him? Was I just as bad as Carver?
The door opened before I could fall too deep down that well. Driver stepped out. He looked much less terrified, but more than a little embarrassed.
"Is everything alright?" I asked.
He nodded. He was looking at me funny. "I'm okay. Can... Can I ask you a question?"
I blinked. "Of course."
"Why do you have tampons?"
All the pieces fell into place. I kept my composure and held up a hoof daintily. "Why my dear, I placed those there as a courtesy to my guests. I may not menstruate, but if some poor girl, or boy," I corrected myself, "happens to need hygenic supplies I want my accommodations to be up to the task. There's also some midol in the downstairs bathroom if you need some."
"I'm good thanks." He raised an eyebrow. "Why do you have them in your personal bathroom though? Shouldn't you put the tampons downstairs where more people would use them?"
I looked away. "There... There are more downstairs. And some in the guest room... And extras in the linen closet." I sighed. "I know I'll probably never get through all of them, but buying them made me feel a little less broken."
He put a hoof on my shoulder. "It's okay Rares, I get it. There's a reason I keep male condoms on me."
I blushed. "Well, yes... I was grateful for those, even if they were not strictly necessary in this specific circumstance."
"You're welcome." He winced. "Could I climb back in the bed for a sec? I take a lot of birth control to cut down on the number of these things, but that means when they hit... It's not pretty." He shivered.
I bit my lip. "Of course."
He gingerly lifted himself back up, gritting his teeth as he did so. I slipped in next to him and touched my hoof to his. There was a brief moment of silence.
"So..." He began, finally. "What was this? I mean, I enjoyed it, but I still don't really understand what brought this on."
I sighed. "I'll admit. Things have been a bit maddening recently and after everything that happened I needed an outlet. And I'm sorry if I was too forceful. I definitely should have asked permission before kissing you."
He smirked. "Yeah, please don't think it's kosher to just go around kissing random dudes. I'll give you a pass this time."
I smiled. "Thank you."
"Is that all this is though?" He asked. "An outlet?"
I nervously rubbed at a pillow. "I... I suppose at the beginning." I thought for a moment. "Would you like it to be more?" I asked.
He turned to me. "Huh?"
I narrowed my eyes. "I'm not going to lie. There are times when you are sarcastic, cynical and even abrasive."
He shrugged. "It's what I do."
I rolled my eyes, but my expression softened. "But... For all of that, you care about the ponies around you, and you definitely care about me." I moved my hoof to his mane. "Maybe it's just that part of me wants something good to come out of this nightmare. Maybe I'm just being childish and needy. But... I think there could be something here. Something worth fighting for. I know things started fast, but I'd like to see where this goes." I looked away. "That is... If you..."
He eyed me. Then he groaned. "Alicorns above Rarity, did you really think it was a good idea to get 6 times hotter now? Your fur is white! The stains will never come out."
I stared at him... Then laughed. "You are absolutely horrid."
I took a sip of tea and eyed the flying books warily. I really hadn't enjoyed this dream as much since the whole Tantibus incident, but it was an easy place to come back to.
Plus... I felt so much better in dreams, safer.
Princess Luna arrived shortly, pulling up a chair.
"Thanks for meeting with me," I said shooing away a curious physics textbook.
She nodded. "Of course Twilight, how are you feeling? Is everything alright? You know I'm always here for you."
I winced. "Thanks Luna I'm fine..."
She looked down. "Yes, of course... It's just... we were all worried when you left without leaving a message."
I winced again. That hadn't been my finest moment. "I'm just glad Spike got in contact with you and the girls... I don't know what I'd do without him."
Luna smiled. "Just make sure he knows that and everything will be fine. How goes your investigation?"
"Not bad, I'm tracking down a few graduate students who used to work with the victims once I wake up. In the mean time I'm reviewing my notes."
She looked at the stack of books on the table, clearly organized and lacking any interest in tap-dancing. "You've certainly come a long way with your lucid dreaming."
I looked at my hoof. Usually I never even noticed it, but here... It was my hoof, my real hoof. Anything I could do to see it more often was a blessing.
I just nodded though. "It helps me stay productive."
Luna nodded. "Do find time for true rest though, you're in a really, really stressful situation and I want to make absolutely sure that you're okay."
I let out a breath. "I appreciate that."
"Is there anything else you need from me? Resources? Company even?"
I gave her a weak smile. "I should be good."
She smiled. "Then I should go, I have a happy event to attend tomorrow."
I tilted my head. I hadn't heard good news in a long time. "What's that?"
# Fluttershy
It all felt so surreal, not in the least because Luna was my cheering section and Zecora was my pharmacist.
She looked so odd in a labcoat. Apparently her education in Zehava was enough to get a degree here fairly easily and she'd picked up the position for extra money.
It being 2 oclock on a Wednesday meant the pharmacy was practically empty. It was just the three of us and a cashier watching the fairly limited candy counter up front. Said cashier was politely asked to give us some space, mostly because she was absolutely aghast that Luna was visiting.
Zecora returned from the rows upon rows of shelves with pair of bottles. She opened the first one deftly and poured a small pile of large pills into the cap to show me.
"Spironolactone Young Fluttershy. will cut Testosterone to get you by. But listen well and pay good heed. For in the morning you shall need. But one pill, and two at night. To take more would not be right."
She closed the bottle and opened the second. This time the pills were tiny and blue.
"Estradiol. One estrogen of many, And very important for those who lack any. each day you will need only three little pills. more than that will not cure your ills."
She closed the bottle and packaged up my order.
"Do you have any questions my dear Fluttershy? These can be confusing, I will not lie."
I smiled at her weakly. "Thank you, I've talked about this a lot with my doctor already. I should be okay." I bit my lip. "Also, thank you for not making me feel awkward about all this. I'm not sure if I could have had this conversation with a stranger."
She chuckled.
"My dear girl. You're of two spirits. I'm not surprised, but glad to hear it!"
I blinked. That was odd. "Um... I don't understand Why would you be glad that I was trans?"
Zecora frowned.
"Perhaps glad is not the word. I know it sounds quite absurd. Truly I was most distressed, When I hear that you had suffered so But I feel that you should know: Zebras of spirits two are quite sacred, though here it seems they're often hated. Where I come from is a different place. We handle these things with more... grace."
I nodded, I suppose I hadn't really thought of cultural differences. "That's nice. I really mean it." I clarified.
She grinned.
"I'm no foolish little whelp. Let me know if I can help."
I thanked her and slipped the pills into my saddle bag, Then I turned tail and started walking out.
When we got outside, Luna offered me a water bottle. "Well? What are you waiting for?"
We sat down on a bench and, after a moment's hesitation took my pills. The spironolactone was bitter but covered with a thick cap, while the estradiol was oddly sweet.
I blinked. After all that buildup it didn't feel so intense. I... I wasn't sure how I felt.
Luna gave me a hug. "You are going to feel so much better really soon." She actually had a tear in her eye. "And as a bonus you should be much safer now."
I smiled and patted her back. "There there Luna. I'm sure the medicine will work."
She nodded. "I know it will..."
I looked down. There was something I needed to say. "I'm... I'm sorry. You know, about before. I never meant to scare you."
She hugged me tighter. "It was my fault. I... I should have pushed more. I should have made Celestia get you hormones right on the spot."
I let her go and looked her in the eye. "You did everything you could. And I'm okay now, really... Honestly..."
I looked away... I wasn't sure if now was the time to bring this up, but it was important. "I'm more worried about you." I whispered.
She blinked. "Me? What? Why in Equestria wouldst- I mean, why would you be worried for me?"
I let out a breath. "Luna, you've been really tense around us since we came out. You're clingy and..." Oh I hated saying things like this... "Sometimes you treat us like we're made of glass. And I deserve it, but the others really don't. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"
Luna turned away. She had a dark look on her face. "Do you know what happens when a pony tries to kill themselves with pills?"
I blinked. "Um... No."
She looked out at the trees waving in the distance. "Most of the time they fall asleep before they die. Sometimes it's for a moment, sometimes it's for hours, but I see those dreams. Every. Single. One."
My eyes went wide. Oh...
She continued. "You know back in ages past, when my powers first manifested, I didn't think it would be such a big problem. After all, how many ponies would be so lost?" She shook her head. " But... It's far more common than you think. I watch manic depressives, trauma victims, and many many trans ponies try to end it all daily. I average about one trans pony each week."
I felt sick. I didn't think it was just from swallowing pills on an empty stomach. "Luna..."
She turned to me. "Do not misunderstand me. Most of the dreams I enter are not happy. Ponies with happy dreams have little need for a guardian. That particular batch of horrors is especially unpleasant though. I always try to find out where the ponies are and get them help, sometimes I even save them but... I've lost far too many. And I almost never see the ones who use... other methods"
I put my hooves behind me. The fur had covered over the scars, but if you looked closely... I whimpered. "That... That's just awful Luna! I'm sooo sorry I didn't-"
She held up a hoof. "No... You're right actually." She pressed a hoof against the bench. "I can't let trauma color the way I treat my friends... At least not so much. I suppose it's just that when you all revealed what was wrong I was... scared." She looked up at the sky. "I've spent a lot of my life alone and... I still don't have that many friends. I don't have any to spare."
I put a hoof on her shoulder. "Princess Luna, I promise, Pinkie Pie Promise, that I will never deliberately hurt myself ever again. and if I see anyone else hurting themselves I will tell you on the spot."
Luna started giggling.
I put my forehooves on my hips. "What's so funny?"
She snorted. "I'm sorry." She wiped a tear away. "It's just... Pinkie Pie Promise? That's so much better than Bubble Berry Sweary."
I blinked. "Bubble Berry Sweary?"
She started laughing again. "That 'Y'..."
#
Pinkie Pie
"I use my suction cups to climb up the side of the building and see if there's roof access!" I decided.
Lilac looked over the little cardboard rules sheet. "Wait, what? Suction cups?"
Dash rolled her eyes. "They're called gecko gloves Pinkie. They're a futuristic clinging technology, not toilet plungers"
I pouted. "But I use suction cups for climbing up walls all the time!"
The pegasus rolled her eyes. "Uh, yeah and you can hear the 'hickie' sound from like 6 blocks away. The game is called 'Shadow Run', not "Party Gadget Ninjas'."
That second game sounded waaay better, I turned to our GM to ask if I could use suction cups for flavor, but she was distracted. I followed her gaze out the window and noted quite the scene in the town square.
My favorite yellow pegasus was full on crowd-surfing on a huuuuge pile of partying woodland critters and clutching a pair of prescription bottles in her hooves. I couldn't hear what she was shouting from this distance, but she looked absolutely over the moon.
I got the biggest grin ever.
Lilac looked nervous. "Do you think we should tell her that hormones take weeks to build up and everything she's feeling right now is psychoso-"
I trotted down the stairs. I had a looong day ahead of me and I knew it was going to be a rough one too. The cider press had lost a gear and I needed to get more than a few loads of apples down the hill before I could-.
I stopped. Sitting in a circle around our little coffee table were Apple Bloom, Big Macintosh, and Granny Smith.
Granny had her forelegs crossed. She was eyeing me with a look that could melt steel. "Applejack. Sit."
She gestured to a chair. I bit my lip. "Granny I've got a lot of work to-"
"It can wait." She said. "Now sit. We need to talk."
I sat down, mechanically. I had no idea what was going on...
Granny put the mirror shard down on the table.
I blanched.
"Hold out your hoof." She said.
"Granny I can-"
"I SAID HOLD OUT YOUR HOOF!" She shouted.
I did as she asked. She brushed back the fur and her eyes widened at what she saw. She let it go. "What in the name of all things apple is *this* young man? You got some problem that you need to cut yourself up for before you'll say two words about it to your dang family?"
I stuttered, "I- I-"
"You lied to me!" Apple Bloom cried. She had tears in her eyes. "You told me again and again that I shouldn't worry and you were fine and all that time you were doing this!" She pointed to the shard.
"Explain yourself." Granny Smith demanded.
It felt like the walls were closing in. This was it, this was the end. This was when I lost everything I ever cared about. My throat closed up. "I... I..." I tried to think of another lie. I tried to think of anything at all that I could tell them that would put things back the way they were...
But there was nothing... "I... I'm miserable as a stallion..." I felt a sob catch in my throat. "I wish I was a mare so bad..."
For a moment the entire room was silent.
Granny Smith looked like she was going to explode. "YOUNG LADY I WILL TAN YOUR HIDE!!!"
I blinked. "Y- young lady?" I asked, completely lost.
Granny Smith walked right over the coffee table. "Yes, young lady! What, y'all think I'm going to sit around misgendering you at a time like this? You think I'm some kind of bigot that's going to hurt my own grand daughter! What am I? Too old? Too country?"
She ground her teeth. "Applejack, do you have any idea how big our family is?"
"I- Wha-?"
"Y'all have three trans cousins!" She spat. "And I love 'em just the same as the rest of the family, just like I love you. You really think that something like this would make us throw you away? Did you think we were just bitin' our tongues when we hosted Fluttershy?" She piled on to the chair and hugged me tight. "You silly little filly..."
Big Macintosh joined the hug. I felt like he was turning my ribs into splinters. I couldn't care less.
Apple Bloom walked up to us. She still had the tears, but she was smiling. "Ah... Ah have a sister?"
I started sobbing, long and hard, laughing all the while. It felt like everything I'd been holding in for months was pouring right out all at once.
The graduate students around me flinched. "Um... Prince Dusk?"
Celestia do I ever hate that name. I held up a hoof. I just needed to catch my breath. I really, really thought the readings would be different with more sensitive equipment. I'd dragged up the late professor's old graduate students to try to make use of the university's resources.
The equipment was truly impressive. It displayed a holographic readout of the radiation in the room, projecting the magical signatures over it and displaying the different magic concentrations in splashes of color.
But it hadn't helped. The magical background radiation was wrong here too. I knew it was wrong. "Why is the background radiation all wrong!" I shouted. My horn crackled in frustration.
Nervously, one of the graduate students walked up to me. "Your majesty I assure you, we've calibrated this machine several times... The MBR fits perfectly with previous university records and those have been painstakingly recorded for hundreds of years."
"Then the records are wrong!" I shouted. "It's not supposed to look like this! It's supposed to look like... Like..." I reached out with my horn and fudged with the residue. It was wrong, blast it! Wrong! I would make it right!
One of the students, a magic loving earth pony gasped. "P-prince Dusk!"
I snarled at him. "For pity's sake! I'm not going to hurt your precious equipment!"
He shook his head. "That's not it! Look at the readout!"
I looked up.
I had done nothing but change the energy signature, but now, projected all over the room was very familiar scene...
Before the projection was of the room it self, just color coded to display all the ambient magic levels. Now an image of my library back home was shown in faint green light.
But that's not all that was there.
Sitting in the room, projected in the same green light, was me. The real me... With my mane cut short.
The mare in my home stared at me. "Who... Who are you?" It asked, in a faint rippling rumble.
"T-Twilight Sparkle." I answered on instinct.
She froze, filled with terror.
Several pieces of the puzzle all clicked into place at once.
"I'm Dusk Shine." He said.
# Rarity
I clutched at Driver's hoof. "And that's that, we're dating."
We were in the castle of friendship surrounded by... Well, all of our friends. Several of whom were staring at us.
"So..." Pinkie began, "I haven't had a chance to throw a party in a long, long time..."
I made an uncomfortable noise. "Under other circumstances I would appreciate it darling, but Driver and I still have to stay in the closet for a little bit until our next sales. Besides..."
I saw Pinkie's mane start to deflate. I felt my heart breaking.
I backpedaled. "On the other hoof, I suppose we could have a small, private party."
Pinkie grinned.
"Darn tootin'!" Said a surprisingly chipper Applejack. She turned to her big brother... Who was holding her leash. "Uh... Do the conditions of my grounding allow me to go to parties?"
Mac tilted his head. "I'll ask Granny."
"Okay, I have to ask." Driver interjected. "What the heck is going on with you two? Because this is some seriously weird incestuous shi... Uh... Stuff..."
I gave him a nod. Driver may have been a bit uncouth, but he was very easy to train.
Applejack blushed. "Uh... It's kinda a compromise. I have a lot of work and duties savin' the world and stuff, but I'm kinda being punished by the family right now."
"Eeeyup." Said Big Mac. "Ain't gonna let her run off and start cuttin' herself again."
She looked up at her older brother with pleading eyes. "Mac, I promise I won't do that anymore. The only reason I was so sad was because I though y'all... Would... Hate me..."
Mac raised an eyebrow.
She flinched. "I... I ain't exactly doin' much for my case here am I?"
He shook his head. "Nope."
"I'm just glad the truth came out in time for us to help you!" Fluttershy said. She put her hooves on her hips. "I know you're not fond of sharing your emotions Applejack, but this was really beyond the pale."
Applejack looked down. "Ah know... I lied to y'all and it was right dumb... Can ya ever forgive me?"
Fluttershy flew over to her and wrapped her wings around her. "Oh AJ, I could never stay mad at you... But that doesn't mean I don't think you deserve your punishment."
"Eyup, speakin' of which did y'all take your Black Cohosh?"
She nodded. "Three pills, just like Granny said."
Lilac cleared her throat. "Um... I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Black Cohosh really doesn't have enough estrogen to help her... Plus phytoestrogens aren't very good at eliciting responses in ponies anyway."
Applejack winced. Dash rolled her eyes. "Seriously Lilac, what are you, the hormone police?"
The griffon groaned. "I'd probably be stupidly good at that job... I wonder if it pays more than the post office?"
Driver leaned over. "Speaking of policing hormones, does Dash's recent drug smuggling exploit mean you now have evidence you can bring against your nefarious ex? I think a hormone bust on his lanky butt might be in order."
Lilac considered this. "I... I'm not sure. He's an asshole, that's for sure, but he might still be better than the alternative. Besides I'm not 100% certain he is selling cut stuff illegally. He could have bribed his way into being a licensed as a pharmacist and then import laws become a factor as well as customs..."
Driver shot her a cold look. "You cannot possibly tell me that he's the lesser of two evils. The dude's a straight up rapist."
Lilac looked down. "I'm not so sure about that... Is he?"
The room grew silent.
I cleared my throat. "I don't mean to pry dear, but is there some sort of story here we're not aware of?"
Lilac nodded. "It's ancient history though... Honestly I'd rather not talk about it."
Fluttershy flew over and gave Lilac a hug. "It's okay Lilac! Now that you're here surrounded by friends I'm sure everything will be alright!"
I raised an eyebrow. "Fluttershy dear, I must say, you've been rather... Huggy today."
The pegasus giggled. "I guess I'm just excited. Hormones are awesome! I feel like myself again..." She smiled... And in that smile I saw something in my best friend that I had not seen in a long, long time.
Hope.
Of course that was the moment it all came crashing down.
Twilight appeared in a burst of magic. She yanked Fluttershy over to her and shook her. "How long? For Celestia's sake, how long have you been on hormones?"
Fluttershy flinched back. "Um... Three days?"
Twilight let out a sigh of relief, but her mane remained tustled and her expression harried. "Oh thank heavens... Not long enough to do permanent damage, good."
I got up and put myself between the frightened girl and the princess. "Twilight, what on Earth is the meaning of this?"
She grabbed my shoulders. "Rarity you don't understand! These aren't our bodies!"
Rainbow Dash gave her the stinkeye. "Well obviously that don't mean you get to bully Flutters."
The princess waved her wings in frustration. "That's not what I mean! This isn't our world! It's..."
A terrible, evil chuckle burst into the room...
Standing by the door was a yellow mare with a red mane. "So. You figured it out."
The mare twisted and re-formed... Her coat turned light pink while her mane became a deeper purple with a blue stripe down the middle.
She gave us a horrifying grin. "You're all just so very special aren't you?"
Starlight glimmer laughed. "You know, I have to say I was hoping more of you would be on hormones before I revealed myself, but this this is exciting."
Dash was on her in an instant, flying so fast I could barely see the streak...
She slid right through her... And less slid than crashed through the wall.
I flew up to her. "Dash!"
Starlight smirked. "Oh, I forgot to mention, this is a messaging spell. Revenge is so much sweeter when your enemies know about it, but I wasn't about to hand myself over on a silver platter now was I?"
I ignored her. Fortunately Dash was okay. Thank Celestia for that hard head of hers.
I turned on the magical projection. "What is the meaning of this Starlight? Why would you...?"
Starlight glared at me. "Why? Why? You destroy my plans for a better world and you dare to ask me why I'd make sure you suffered?"
She let out a breath. "Well, no long term damage done. This wasn't easy to pull off you know. I had to commandeer the cutie marks of a number of experts to make this happen. Of course generally I'd keep ponies alive and befriend them after that, but some rude ponies just happened to steal my reeducation facilities now didn't they."
Lilac picked up on what was happening. A look crossed her face I had never seen before. "You... You gave them dysphoria. You monster!"
She rolled her eyes. "Oh so the little slutty griffon he-she decides that I'm the monster. Did you tell them about all the work you did recruiting scared little 'girls' like you into that pusher's harem? He just refuses to accept that he's gay now doesn't he?"
Lilac recoiled. "I... I..."
Driver got right in Glimmer's face. "Leave her alone! You know nothing about what she's been through!"
She grinned. "Oh a knight in shining armor comes to his rescue. You really think you're a stallion after all of those porn shoots? I would have thought that all of those moans of 'make me your mare Meat Roddington!' would have convinced you otherwise."
To my surprise, Driver just snorted. "Is that all you got? Bitch please, it takes a real man to take it up the vag."
Starlight frowned. "Hmph, you're no fun... But the rest of you will be." She turned to the crowd and smiled. "I suppose you've figured out the game now. Will you get desperate enough to feel like mares again to tear apart the bodies that aren't yours? Or will you try to live your miserable excuses for lives in hope of a miracle cure that will never come?" She turned to Fluttershy with a predatory look in her eye. "Of course, blondie here probably had the best idea. I made sure to up your dysphoria just a little bit for wrecking my work. Honestly I'm surprised you've lasted this long."
Fluttershy gave her a look of cold steel. "You won't get away with this."
She laughed. "You think you can scare me? I've already gotten away with this. Now all that's left is for me to watch you suffer... And suffer you will."
She turned to Applejack. "By the way, you two really shouldn't leave your elderly grandmother all alone with no one, but your little sister to protect her."
All our eyes went wide.
She smirked, looking Applejack right in the eye. "After all those lovely broken ribs you gave me I just had to give you something in return."
She shook her head. "Anyway, I have much more important things to attend to. Tata!"
Applejack would never forgive me, but I got to her house first.
The place was a wreck, the front door had been torn open by something with claws... Big claws.
I bolted inside. There were scattered piles of timber, but only a few drips of blood.
"T-took you long enough." Came a voice.
Standing in the corner, covered in bruises and with several makeshift bandages hanging off of her, was Granny Smith.
Applebloom was cowering behind her.
"T-timberwolves." She spat, dropping aside her pitchfork. "That bitch really thought I couldn't handle..."
She collapsed.
#
Lilac
I was huddled off in the library, trying to process everything that had happened.
So my new friends weren't trans... Or at least they were only trans because someone made them that way...?
I shook my head. Whatever. I didn't even know why I was trying to figure it out anyway, I had no idea what I could possibly do to help them. They were the Elements of Harmony for pity's sake. I was a part time postal worker and weather hen... Their problems were out of my league. If my league were to explode, they wouldn't hear the boom for three days.
Someone walked up next to me. To my great surprise it was Rarity.
She wandered over to me. "Lilac? Dear, what are you doing over here?"
I let out a breath, doing my best to compose myself. "Hey Rarity, Is Granny Smith doing okay?"
She nodded. "I've never doubted the sturdiness of the Apple Family. Besides, Rainbow Dash got her to the hospital in moments, and the doctors insist she'll be fine. She'll be right as rain in no time."
She said it forcefully, like she was willing herself to believe it. I really couldn't blame her.
I gave her as much of a smile as I could muster. "That's a relief. What about the others? Are they forming a hunting party to track down that Starlight Glimmer monster?"
Monster... It was a word that had been used to describe me a couple of times, so I didn't use it lightly... Not that the people describing me weren't accurate, they were just saying it for the wrong reason.
Rarity shook her head, "I'm afraid it's not so simple. We have no idea where to start searching. Celestia and Luna are on high alert though. Twilight is working with... Well, with the real Dusk to try and figure things out. Apparently over in the other... Well, in our world, she... He had the same visit." She sighed, shaking her head at the madness of it all. "Celestia, wasn't this whole situation complicated enough already?"
I gave her a rueful smile. "Well, you are the Elements of Harmony. Isn't this just Tuesday for you folks?"
She gave a dark chuckle. "I wish. Starlight appears to be a bit more... Well, a bit more twisted than our usual rogues gallery." She looked queasy.
I winced. "She's that bad? I mean, don't get me wrong, what she did to you guys was screwed up, but you've fought chaos gods and-"
Rarity cut me off. "In order to get the power to torture us with gender dysphoria she murdered at least six ponies to steal their cutie marks. She then flayed their bodies to cover up the fact that their cutie marks had been stolen."
Okay, now I knew why she was queasy. "I... That..."
Rarity shook her head. "There's nothing to say dear. We definitely need to stop her. That's not why I came here though." She shot me a worried look. "I actually wanted to ask if you were okay... I... I'm not sure what Starlight was talking about, but it sounded serious."
I held up a claw. "It's okay. I... Look do you actually want to hear about my sob story? Absolutely everyone has one and mine's not particularly special."
Rarity looked shocked. "What in Equestria does that mean?"
I sighed. "Rarity... You've got other stuff to deal with right now, stuff that's way more important than me. I get that you're trying to be polite, but-"
"I am not trying to be polite!" She snapped.
I blanched, taking a step back. "W-What?"
She narrowed her eyes. "Lilac, you are my friend and you are in pain. Do you think I try to make people feel better out of politeness? Of common courtesy?" She glared at me. "I bore my soul to you at that meeting you held. I'm... forging a relationship with your best friend and you refuse to believe I actually care about you?" She let out a harumph. "Quite frankly, that's insulting."
I stared at her... Good gods, she actually cared about me didn't she?
That poor, poor mare.
Still, I couldn't just dodge the question after a speech like that. I cleared my throat, and began. "Rarity, I was a street walker in Griffonstone."
Her eyes widened. "I... I'm sorry, I don't know what that means. Are sex workers looked down upon in Griffonstone?"
I looked at the floor. "Yeah... We- They are legal, but it's asking for trouble. I did something dangerous and stupid despite the fact that I had a mom and a dad who cared about me, who still care about me, for some reason... I went behind their back to roam the streets calling myself a dick girl."
Rarity looked uncomfortable. Part of me wanted to stop, but the words just kept rolling out. "I didn't care what it did to... the image of trans people? I guess? And I didn't care how much I had to lie to the people I loved. All I wanted was the pills."
Rarity blinked. "I'm sorry dear, pills?"
I nodded. "Estradiol. Its how I got my hormones." I shook my head. "You know, for a while I thought I loved my... God I guess he was my pimp... I thought I loved him all the same. I thought it was him and me and all the other hens of the night sticking together, loving each other, physically loving each other... Sometimes while he watched."
I gulped. My beak was moist. Why was it moist? "But he was lying... I thought he was giving me HRT, but it was only half true. He gave me just enough estrogen to barely function. To see the slightest bit of feminization. And even when I found out... For a while I thought he had limited supplies. That's what he said anyway."
I was barely holding it together at that point. "I-I was his favorite. I read him stories. sure he wasn't giving me enough, but who cares right? He had more girls to dose. I thought he couldn't make enough for everyone and he was doing his best to be equitable... So I kept working for him. And I dragged more and more scared girls into that mire... I thought it was better than the alternative right? Where else are you going to get hormones in Griffonstone?"
I chuckled. It was the most miserable, disgusting sound I'd ever heard. "Then I found out he was selling the stuff on the side. Shipping it all out to Equestria. Bits were worth more to him than us. All the people who'd loved and protected him... He sold us out."
"I tried, I tried to confront him. I- I tried to break up with him..."
I hugged my wings around my barrel. "And then he took my pills away... He took them away and instead of running I..." I shuddered, "I begged him to be let back in."
Rarity's eyes went wide.
"I stayed there a week... but when he asked me to go find another girl to expand the family I finally grew a spine. My parents are the ones who really pulled me out. They saved me. After all the lies they still loved me. And they loved me, not some imaginary son. They even knew I still needed hormones. So they bought me a ticket to Equestria, where it only takes three months to get them... Well, in the right place. If you can afford health insurance..."
I started sobbing. I didn't deserve this... I didn't deserve anything about this. Maybe the fact that my medical stuff was taking so long was the universe punishing me....
I felt warm hooves wrap around me. "Shh... Shh..." Rarity held me tight, stroking my feathers. "You got out. It's going to be okay."
"No it's not..." I croaked. "Starlight Glimmer was right! I put people into that prison and I can't set them free! They didn't want to be set free! They think I'm a traitor, and there's a part of me that agrees." I curled up around her hooves. "All my friends hate me... And I have no idea how undo what I did to them. Maybe I never can."
"We'll help them." Rarity said, absolute certainty in her voice. "The second we pin down Starlight we'll march right into Griffonstone and put that monster down."
I shook my head. "You don't know what it's like over there."
She hugged me tight. I heard steel in her voice. "Then we can jolly well find out."
