Queen of the Dawn
A single tear escaped from the corner of Celestia's eye as she strained under her enormous burden. As it ran down her cheek, it mixed with the perspiration quickly building from her physical and mental effort. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the sun began to rise. As it did, Celestia could feel the dawn betray her. The first rays of light that normally brought her fresh strength instead sapped her remaining power, fading her mane's rainbow of magic back to its natural pink. As she felt herself weakening, Celestia redoubled her efforts to impel the glowing orb into the sky.
Despite her exertion, or perhaps because of it, Celestia could hear the words of her sister echoing through her memory.
"It does not have to be this way, Sister," Luna had admonished her. "We have seen how it is for you to raise the sun now. We have experienced that feeling, also. But there is an escape."
Celestia grunted and threw herself completely into her work, hoping to drown out the conflicting voices inside her. The tear ran down her jowls and neck before quickly being lost in the lather forming on her breast. Had her coat not covered them, the tear would have run over two small scars.
But the voice of the temptress would not be crowded out.
"Just one sip, Sister, and all of the power you have ever known will return to you for long enough to raise the sun. A swig, and that strength is yours for an hour. Drink a pint, and you will return to your old self for a day or longer. But not just your old self. You will be stronger, sharper, and more beautiful than you have ever been before. The ponies who now bow to you in jest or kowtow in false reverence will be stunned by your very presence. Every last pony will fall at your feet... and worship you."
"Luna… I… can't." Celestia panted, as though she were replying to her sister in the flesh.
Without warning, a voice from behind her cut into her reverie.
"We know. Come with Us, Sister. Cease this foalishness."
As Celestia turned around to face her sister, she would have collapsed if not supported by a sudden aura of dark blue magic.
"But… the sun," she panted. "I must raise the sun."
"The sun is high enough for six in the morning. You must come with Us."
And with that, Princess Luna unceremoniously levitated the Regent of the Sun and floated her off the balcony and down the stairs, deep into the heart of Canterlot Castle.
-----
Celestia knew that she had not always been a good pony. She could have asked for anything, demanded anything, and it would have been given to her. Her whims had been met swiftly and fiercely, where she allowed it, even when they meant life or death. Anchored in the love and friendship of her sister, Celestia had been able to bear this burden for centuries. But with her sister's banishment, Celestia had lost her moral holdfast. She had been alone for a thousand years, and a thousand years is a long time to drift in the void.
Celestia remembered how it all began. Once, in the second century of Luna's banishment, she had generously rewarded a guard for slaying a would-be assassin. A week later, when another guard struck down a senator who had defied her, Celestia rewarded him, too. A pattern began to emerge, and before long, the Royal Guard assured swift and merciless death for anypony who dared displeased the princess in any way. It wasn't until her favorite chef and long-time friend was executed for over-salting her food that Celestia realized the madness that she had allowed to descend upon her castle. She quickly put an end to it, but the damage had been done.
Once Celestia had seen behind the curtain, there would be no return to innocence. She had realized the absolute power vested not only in herself, but in her every whim. It caused her at once both pain and pleasure.
Celestia strongly suspected that she could have ordered genocide for her own entertainment, against zebras or bovines or possibly even one of the races of ponies, and it would have been carried out swiftly and without mercy. In her darkest hour, such thoughts had come to haunt her regularly. Although she had never perpetrated such a crime, the temptations of power were too great to resist entirely. She was a good princess for most ponies most of the time. But her hooves were not unstained. She knew good and evil.
If power is corrupting, then the power Celestia had wielded for the past thousand years should have corrupted her absolutely. Towards the end, it nearly succeeded. But then, a miracle happened.
Twilight Sparkle came to Canterlot Castle.
In an instant, everything changed. Once again, Celestia had an anchor.
-----
"Rest, Sister," Luna commanded the elder alicorn, as she gently levitated her to the cold, stone floor. "If you will not drink, then at least rest."
Celestia looked up at her younger sister, something she had become much more accustomed to doing as of late. The pink locks that framed her vision contrasted with the flowing ethereal midnight of her sister's mane and tail, reminding her of their recent role reversal. Though she was younger, Luna had much more experience in this world that Celestia had now entered. A thousand years more experience.
"Cassius, have your stallions retrieve a cushion from Our chambers for Our sister."
The formidable captain of Luna's guard bowed deeply as he departed the chamber.
"Yes, your Majesty."
Celestia took a moment to glance at her new surroundings. They were obviously deep within the castle, most likely underground, though Celestia was unable to recall this room in particular. Unadorned stone walls lead up to a high, vaulted ceiling. The light provided by magical flames, which were used to prevent fouling of the air in such enclosed spaces, cast the place in an array of unearthly colors and eerie shadows. A long, mahogany table in the center of the room was set with a pewter cup, a pewter plate, and a pewter spoon.
"We apologize for the small comfort the stone must offer you," Luna said, as she gently nuzzled her sister. Her somber tone was betrayed by the twinkle in her eyes. "We are not accustomed to taking naps here."
Celestia smiled. She was slowly regaining herself. The magical rainbow of colors that symbolized her divine right was beginning to show again in her mane and tail, but it would be some time before it returned completely. Her wits, however, were already mostly about her, and she was not going to miss an opportunity to banter with her sister.
"Thank you, Luna, for looking out for me. I always knew that saving you from Nightmare Moon would be worth the effort someday."
Luna's laugh contrasted sharply with her dark surroundings. It was light and melodious, like the sound of bells or of songbirds in the morning.
"Oh, and just what else would you have done with Us, Sister? Sending Us to the moon wouldn't have worked twice. We now know the way back!"
"Killed you, of course," Celestia dead-panned. For only an instant, Luna stopped in silent horror, but Celestia couldn't hold her poker face for very long. Within a second, the two sisters were laughing together like they once did as foals, long before their ascension.
Soon, though, Luna's countenance grew somber and more distant. Celestia thought it was a look unbecoming the younger alicorn. She couldn't be certain in the dim, magical lighting, but Celestia thought that Luna might even be close to tears.
"I'm so sorry Big Sister."
"Luna," Celestia tried to stand and comfort her companion, but couldn't quite get her legs to cooperate. Instead, she continued from the floor.
"You know that I've forgiven you for Nightmare Moon. And not just me. Everypony has."
"But it's not just that, Sister! It's everything I've done to you! This is thrice my fault. If I… I mean, We had… What you are now! All of the pain you are experiencing! We caused it!"
"No, Luna. I asked for this. I wasn't ready to move on, and when you offered me a way to stay her, I accepted it. You can't take the blame for my actions."
"But it wasn't your time! You shouldn't have had to have made that choice! If We hadn't abandoned you, you would have stayed strong. You wouldn't have bled away your power manipulating both the sun and moon at once. And even if you had, for some reason, fallen to the affliction that we now share, it would be a curse-turned-blessing if you could only do what you must! Yet you are letting the ghosts of your thousand-year solitude prevent you from drinking!"
Luna's voice, which had been slowly building up to a shout, suddenly dropped to a whisper as she lay down and placed her neck over her sister's.
"But if We hadn't left you, We could have been there to keep the ghosts away."
They lay in silence for a short time, before Luna stood to her hooves with a new resolve.
"Come to the table with Us, Sister. Let us drink."
Just then, the heavy oak doors through which Cassius had exited swung open, and two stallions of Luna's guard carried in a cushion large enough for an alicorn, their commander entering behind them.
"Thank you, Cassius. Gaurds, please place the cushion at the table. Cassius, fetch Us a pint."
Once again, Celestia was lost in her memories.
-----
"YOU DID WHAT?!"
It was, perhaps, the loudest Celestia had spoken since the Royal Canterlot Voice fell from favor centuries ago.
Luna practically cowered against the wall. There had been a reason she had never told Celestia this part of Nightmare Moon's story.
"Sister, please!" she protested. "Remember, We did nothing! We gave Ourself over to the Nightmare, but once We let it in, We were a prisoner in Our own body, no more in control of Ourself than a marionette!"
"And what's more, We can't believe that you never suspected! How did you think that Cassius and Brute and Ligarius and the Casicas and all of Our other guards survived the centuries of Our imprisonment? Did you believe that We found new guards and gave them the old names?"
Truth be told, it was something Celestia had never thought about. Though now that she had begun to do so, it led to other thoughts she found quite disturbing.
"By my own mane... So all those years they were...? I mean, how many ponies did they… ?
"None," Luna answered. "Or at least very few. It is not necessary to drink just because one has been changed. We find great strength in the night, even without drinking. Since Our guard have always been ponies of the night, it was unnecessary for them. Instead, they secluded themselves to bide the centuries until Our return. Only if one moves in the sunlight is drinking necessary."
Celestia could only form half a question.
"Then, for me?"
"You would have to drink... and deeply."
-----
Celestia relaxed on the cushion that had been brought for her from Luna's chambers, but she was able to take no comfort while looking at the dark liquid on the plate in front of her. In her heart, the battle wore on. It was possible, just possible, that the "Luna" in her head, the one who continually whispered in her memories, was more devious, more sinister, than the one standing next to her. As she looked at her sister, she saw none of the power-mad mare who urged her to drink in her dreams. Instead, she saw simply Luna, concern written on every feature, her love for Celestia splayed across her face as plain as day. As Celestia met her sister's pleading eyes, a dark blue aura lifted a spoon, full, and almost to spill over.
"Please, Sister. Just one sip?"
"N… no."
"Please, Sister. No pony was harmed. This was given, freely. Just one sip?"
"No." Celestia turned her head away like a foal from its mother.
Luna sighed and set down the spoon.
"We admit that We do not enjoy drinking, either, Sister. There is a reason We are seen only at night. We do miss the day, and We have always loved your sunshine, but drinking is... hard... for Us as well. But you are the Sovereign of the Day, and so you must drink."
"Then why did you do it?" Celestia questioned.
"You know that Nightmare Moon did this to Us. The Nightmare may be gone, but the consequences of its actions are still with Us."
"Then why did you do it to me?"
Once again, Luna sighed, this time dropping her eye contact with Celestia.
"You know very well. I offered because you were dying. You accepted to save your friends."
-----
"You would have to drink... and deeply."
"No! I could never do that!" Celestia protested. "It's too much! I know that I've not always been a good pony, but that's just too much!"
"It needn't happen like you are thinking," Luna comforted her. "The old way is... effective. But not efficient. It needn't be taken by force. It can be given, in small amounts, with no significant consequences to the one who gives it. You needn't take a life to save your own."
Once again, Celestia began to raise her voice.
"And what if my life is not saved? What if what is saved is my husk, with a monster living inside it?!"
Luna, rather than afraid, looked genuinely hurt by her sister's outburst.
"So then, despite the fact that We have been separated from the Nightmare, We are still a monster to you?"
"No, Luna... That's not what I meant. It's just..." Celestia's voice trailed off as she realized the true source of her objections.
"'It's just' what?!" It was now Luna's turn to raise her voice. "It's just that We are so hideous you can't imagine becoming like Us, even to save Equestria?"
"It's just," Celestia whispered, "What would Twilight Sparkle think?"
"What would Twilight Sparkle think if you were dead, and the sun disappeared, and all of Equestria perished with you?!" Luna shouted. "You know that We cannot raise the sun! You have used up all of your power, Sister! Alicorns die when their strength is exhausted. Do you think that just because the ancients called you "Queen of the Dawn" you can draw upon your magical reserves forever? You will not survive another month of raising the sun, possibly not even another day! And what will your 'faithful student' do then?"
"Luna, please, understand," Celestia half-begged through newly forming tears. "I would have been lost without her. When you were gone, I started to drift. By the time your return grew near, I had almost lost my sense of right and wrong completely. If she hadn't appeared, I wouldn't have been able to save you from the Nightmare when you returned. In truth, I probably would have given myself over to it with you."
Luna relented from her pressed attack.
"We know what it is like to feel alone. That is how the Nightmare got to Us, also. But did you save Equestria from the Nightmare only to deliver it to night once again at your own downfall?"
"No." The tone of Celestia's voice expressed the exhaustion she suffered from a thousand years of ruling alone. She lay down and flipped her mane to one side.
"Do it quickly," she entreated her sister. "I don't want to change my mind."
-----
"I offered because you were dying. You accepted to save your friends."
Celestia closed her eyes, attempting to clear her mind of the memory, then opened them again. She looked down at her plate, then to her sister, then to her plate once more. On the surface of the liquid, she could see her face reflected, dimly. As she contemplated the dish below her, she could see her face change ever so subtly. Celestia knew that she could feel things shifting in her mouth whenever she considered drinking, but she tried desperately not to think about what those changes could mean.
She spoke with a sudden clarity.
"I am glad that I chose to save them. But I must also choose who I am. I am Princess Celestia, Regent of the Sun, Sovereign of the Day, and Queen of the Dawn. And I will not choose to drink."
Luna's eyes flashed with anger at the insult implied by her sister's words.
"If you think that you can prevent yourself from being a 'monster' by not drinking, you are wrong. If you are a monster, you are one already. If you are not a monster, drinking will not make you so. But what might make you a monster, Sister, is the fate to which you have saved your 'friends'. Tell me! Do you not know that Twilight Sparkle is now in Canterlot, and that she calls upon the castle daily, only to be turned away by your guards?"
Celestia retreated to the manners of a filly arguing with her mother.
"I know."
"Then why do you allow them to turn her away?"
"They must. I'm not well. Twilight... She can't see me like this."
"Twilight knows that you are ill. She had known since you were near to death, before We changed you. She wants to be by your side as you recover. Will you not allow it?"
"I will never recover. I will be like this forever and ever. You yourself said so."
"We said that you would be trapped in this cycle, spending yourself entirely to raise the sun, then being forced to take to bed until the next sunrise, if you refused to drink. Take from this cup, even just a sip, and the cycle is broken."
"I won't betray Twilight!"
The sisters' argument was interrupted as the doors to the chamber again swung open. Celestia turned quickly to face the entryway, and tried to hide the plate behind her. Cassius entered, and bowed low to the ground.
"Milady, one of the Royal Guard has requested admittance to your chamber to speak with Princess Celestia. I requested that he allow me to deliver his message, but he insisted that he bring it himself. Shall I escort him here?"
"NO!" "Yes."
The reply from the two princesses was simultaneous, but the ancient bat-winged pegasus took his orders only from the Princess of the Night.
He left the room, and quickly returned with the Royal Guardstallion.
The Royal Guard was too distracted by the message he conveyed to notice the bizarre scene before him. Instead, he bowed deeply, and addressed Princess Celestia.
"Your Majesty, I've come to report that Twilight Sparkle has come again to seek an audience with you."
"You know your orders are to send her away until I have completely recovered."
"Yes, Milady. But the captain thought you would want to know what happened when we tried."
Celestia's ears perked up. "Go on, soldier."
"She was... crying, again, this morning, your Majesty. Fortunately for us, she must have had a hard time aiming through her tears. Her bolt missed the guard blocking her way, but instead hit one of the columns supporting the ceiling. It did extensive damage. It took several of our best unicorns to subdue her, and even at that, I'm not entirely sure we could have managed it if Capt. Shining Armor hadn't been among them. I think she was pulling her punches, so to speak, to be certain she didn't injure him."
"She's too powerful for us to hold. We're going to have to let her go. But, before we do, the captain sent me down here to ask you one more time. The poor mare is in a terrible state. Are you certain that you won't see her?"
Celestia's normally unflappable facade, already worn thin by her impending death and then by her refusal to drink after being changed, now broke completely. The Queen of the Dawn wept bitterly. Tears ran down both cheeks as she tried to speak through her sobs.
"I will meet you in my chambers in thirty minutes, and I will give you my decision then. Now, go, and never again speak of what you've seen."
"At once, your Majesty."
The Royal Guardstallion bowed a final time, and then he and the old bat-winged veteran exited the room. The two princesses were alone once more. Luna turned to her sister.
"Sister, consider carefully which is the greater betrayal. To drink? Or to continually turn away from your faithful student?"
As Celestia stopped to think, it seemed that time in the vault stood still. Neither sister spoke, and the only movement was the dancing of the shadows in the magical torchlight. This lasted for perhaps a minute, perhaps two, before Celestia took one last look at the meal before her, and made her final decision.
Celestia drank... and deeply.