I Miss You
I was just a young colt back then. I was born with a smaller left wing so even my real parents didn't care for me. I was a freak from the start. To make it worse, I was born a bat pony. Ponies never liked my kind, smaller wing or not, they would have treated me like garbage, if it wasn't for her.
Her name was Rose Heart, a unicorn. She lived on the outskirts of a place known as Ponyville. She told me that she found me crying on her doorstep. She took me in and cared for me as if I were her own foal. She raised me up to be a good little colt, or at least I'd hope I am. She taught me how to speak, read, write, all those things. Rose always wanted what was best for me. She protected me from other ponies.
She told me to call her my mother, but I had only started calling her that just recently, but now, I don't think I deserve to. She kept me in the house at all times. She told me that other ponies would hurt me if I left. She told me to stay inside, to never leave. She said it was to protect me. I didn't believe her. I was young and foolish then. I thought that she just wanted me to be lonely. I thought that she hated me. I would shout at her whenever she wouldn't allow me to go outside. The last time I saw her, the last words I told her were... "I hate you."
The day started out like usual, I'd ask to leave, then she'd say no. This time however, I thought I had come up with a brilliant idea. I told her that she could just use her magic to hide my wings, then I could go outside. She told me that she wouldn't because it was still too risky. I was confused. I had finally thought of a way to go outside, to make friends, but she still said no. I became furious. I shouted at her for the first time. I told her that she didn't love me, that she never thought of what I wanted. I stormed out. I ran away, I wanted nothing to do with her, I just wanted to get away.
I just ran. I ran for what seemed like forever. I didn't know where I was going. The next thing I knew, I was in Ponyville. I thought I could finally make friends, when suddenly, somepony screamed.
"Freak! There's a freak in town square!"
I was shocked. I didn't know what to do. I tried to calm them down.
"P-please, I j-just wanted t-to make friends."
They didn't listen. They were all to scared. They ran around and screamed. Before I knew what was happening, a bunch of guards surrounded me. I was so afraid. I knew they were going to hurt me, so I ran off again. I kept on running, they followed. Lucky enough, when I ran into the forest, they didn't follow. I didn't know why they stopped, but at least I was safe, I just kept on running.
I found a cave where I stayed the night. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I tried to go to sleep, but I just couldn't. I thought back to when I was in my mother's home. It was always so warm. She'd always stay by my side to keep me safe. I then realized that I was so stupid. I ran away from a perfect home in exchange for this. I wanted to go back, but how could my mother forgive me for this? I decided to try my luck in the morning.
I carefully made my way back to my mother's house. I silently prayed that she would forgive me. At that point, she was all I had, all I needed, all I wanted. As I saw the house, just a few strides away, I was shocked to say the least. I saw the house blocked out. There were planks of wood blocking the windows and the door. I ran to the house. I tried my best to enter, eventually I succeeded. What I saw broke me apart. My mother lay there on the floor, still as a rock. In her hoof she had a book. Upon further inspection, I found out that it was her diary. I read the most recent entry.
Dusk,
I am so sorry for making you leave. I thought that I was protecting you. Now, I realized I was wrong. I was stupid to think that I could keep you here forever. Please forgive me, for what I've done, and for what I am going to do.
If you are reading this, then that must mean you returned. I am so happy that you returned even though I drove you away. I am so happy, yet I am sorry as well for leaving you. When you left, I couldn't stand it. I was so sad. I cried until tears no longer appeared.
Before I found you on my door, I was all alone. My parents were gone, and I had no friends. I chose to make a small house near the Everfree forest, that way, nopony would hurt me. When I found you, my whole life changed, I was no longer alone. I tried my best to treat you as my own. But I guess I couldn't do that.
I can't take it anymore. I was plunged back into the same darkness that I started out with. I can't help but say sorry for placing you in that same darkness. I am so sorry for leaving you...
'No' I thought. I dropped the diary and put my head to my mother's chest. I forced myself to hear a sound that wasn't there anymore; her heartbeat. I listened and listened, I shed some tears, after what seemed like forever, I gave up. Only one thought resounded in my head; 'She's dead, you caused this.' I tried to get the thought out of my head, but it stayed. I cried and cried. I wanted to beat myself up, but I didn't, mother wouldn't have wanted that. I wouldn't admit it back then, but I knew that those very thoughts I had were true, I caused my mother's death. I lay there by her side, wishing that it was all just a horrible dream. Unfortunately, I couldn't wake up from this nightmare...
It's been around five years since then. Until now, I still live my life with regret. If my mother could see me now, she wouldn't be proud. I have done the exact opposite of what she taught me. I steal, I lie, I abuse ponies for my good. I would sneak out from my cave into the town to steal a fruit or so. Usually, nopony notices, but if they do, I run as fast as I can back into the Everfree. I get away with these acts because nopony dared go into the forest, those who do eventually lose sight to me in the night anyway. Without anypony to care for me, this was the only way I could survive. I have thought to end my sufferings one time, but mother wouldn't want that. I just had to toughen up.
Everyday, I pray that I could go back. To go back and never leave my mother's side. Every time I try to sleep, I always remember how soft and warm it was with mother. Every time I eat the food I stole, I remember her disciplining me. She'd never shout, she'd always talk to me ever so kindly. I threw that all away. I didn't deserve her, I don't deserve her. Yet, every time I want to just end it, I get a feeling as if she's right there, comforting me just like before. She'd lay down beside me, drape a blanket over me, give me a kiss on my forehead, then she'd tell me that everything would be alright.
This is too much for a colt to bear, even one as messed up as me. Just like any other foal my age or so, I just want my mommy. I lay here in my cave, alone, without any friends, without anything to do, and without the one pony who actually cared for me. If only I could see her one more time. If only I could see her face again. I lay here, crying softly, as not to lure any predators.
Today is when my mother was going to be buried. I was able to get a glimpse at a newspaper somepony threw away. This was my chance, my chance to see mother again. I wonder if I should go. I mean, this could be the last time I could see my mother. I guess it wouldn't hurt. I would go into town, see my mother for the last time, and if anypony decided to hurt me, I'd be getting what I deserved.
I make my way into town. The ceremony is supposed to be held near town hall. As I make my way over, nopony screams when they see me. I don't know what I dislike more, when ponies scream, or when they whisper loud enough for me to hear. Well, I guess you couldn't whisper softly enough, I do have good hearing, so I guess I couldn't blame them.
As I make my way to the ceremony, I noticed that the ponies who knew my mother even a little were there. They all stared at me, silently judging me, their eyes piercing through my very soul. Even as I make my way closer, nopony moves. I see my mother's coffin, there's some kind of jiberish engraved on it.
Gxvn, L zloo dozdbv oryh brx, L krsh rqh gdb, brx'oo ilqdoob fdoo ph brxu prwkhu.
I climb onto a stool to be able to see her face. The sight before me is the worst, yet also the most beautiful, sight I have seen. There she was, my mother, smiling at me again. I don't know how she could smile like that after all I ever did to her. I stay there for a while, her smile brightens up my day. Some ponies moved me away, they had to finish the ceremony. Before I could argue, my mother's smile was no longer visible to me. She was gone, she was completely gone. She was now six feet under the ground, and I could do nothing to bring her back.
I didn't notice, but all the other ponies left, only one remained. She was about the same height as my mother, she told me that she was my mother's friend. She told me that they met each other one day, while my mother was in search for me. She told me how mother would go out early in the morning, into the forest, to search for me, and return in the evening without any luck. She told me that one day, mother gave up searching for me, that she had concluded that I wouldn't return to her anymore. She said that she tried to stop my mother from taking her life, but she couldn't. She had recalled my mother telling her that she couldn't bear to be in the dark anymore, that I was her only sunshine. She gave me a note, she said it was from my mother. She had to leave, I told her that I would just wait here, at least for just a while longer.
Eventually, I had to leave. I went back to my cave. Nopony bothered me along my way. As soon as I was back, I again was plunged into the dark. I just remembered, my mother had written me a letter. I opened it up and began reading.
Dusk,
I will always love you. Always remember that the darker the tunnel, the brighter the light at the end shines. Please, you may not want anything to do with me anymore, but I hope you will remember that I will always be with you.
That confused me. She left me, but she says that she will always be with me. I read on, maybe she'd clarify things.
If you choose to Dusk, you can see me again. Just look deep inside your heart, and maybe, just maybe, a part of me is still there. Remember that even if I just found you on my door, you will always be my son. Things may be hard, but it can only go better from here. Always remember, I love you.
That was it. Those were my mother's last words. The last sentence in her letter made me smile. Huh, smiling, this feels so foreign to me. It has been so long since I last smiled. Without anything else to do, I lay here and close my eyes. I remember all the good times I spent with her. I remember how she took care of me, how she taught me my morals, how she protected me. I remember my first injury, how she healed my wounds. I remember my nightmares, and how she was there to comfort me. All these memories, all of these things, they are my most valuable treasures. As I recall all the things me and my mother, one memory I never wanted to see again made it's way into my mind; the day I ran away. I wanted to cry, all the good memories, all my happiness thrown away in one moment. Suddenly all my joy has been washed out by one wrong decision. The memory kept shouting at me, it kept saying "You are worthless," "You killed your own mother," and "Nopony would ever love you." It was horrible. I felt like I was going to explode. Just when I thought my world was going to be plunged into darkness again, I felt a warm light by my side; it was my mother. I was shocked, I didn't expect to be able to see her. I was so ashamed, I turned my head, I couldn't face her, not anymore. Just then, my mother spoke.
"Dusk, please face me." she said. I told her I couldn't, that I didn't deserve to. She took her hoof and turned my face in order for me to see her.
"Thank you." she said. I asked her for what? For what could she possibly thank me for? For killing her?
"Thank you," she said, "for wanting to see me again." I didn't know what she meant.
"Don't you remember? I told you that if you wanted to, you could see me again. Thank you Dusk, I wanted to see you again, at least just once." I was speechless. My mother, the one I betrayed, the one I killed, was thanking me. I tried to say something, but only one thing came out.
"I'm sorry mommy." I said. "I'm so, so, so sorry." I hugged her and cried into her fur, just like when I was young.
"It's alright Dusk, it's all gonna be alright." She hugged me back, and continued to speak. "Always remember, I will always be there for you."
There I lay, in a cave, but most importantly in my mother's arms. The cave used to be dark, but now, I couldn't tell. It was like the world around me had changed. I was so happy. It felt like before, my mother calming me down enough for me to sleep. As the night went on, there were no more nightmares, only pleasant dreams. I was finally able to sleep peacefully again.
As I woke up the next day, I knew I didn't see my mother anymore, but one thing's for sure, she would always be there, watching over me, and making things seem alright. I was finally able to say sorry, I was finally able to feel her once again. No matter what happens from today onward, I will always remember the day when I saw my mother again.