> New World, New Beginning
>  by Speven Dillberg
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Waking Up
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	You know how in those stories that have people entering different dimensions the transition is rather pleasant? Maybe a short drop onto a hard floor is the worst of it. Well, I wasn't so lucky. Turns out that interdimensional travel conserves momentum. Speedy thing goes in, speedy thing goes out. And I happened to have been going very fast when it happened.
Well, okay, maybe not that fast. But still fast enough so that when I came out on the other side I ended up breaking a few bones. And knocking myself out.





"So it woke up?"
"Yes he did," the white earth pony mare replied. 
"He?" The purple unicorn, Twilight Sparkle, stopped to look at her, one eyebrow disappearing into her mane. "How do you know it's a he?"
"Well," Nurse Redheart began to blush, "we had to take off his clothes to wash him and..."
"Ah," was all Twilight Sparkle had to say before she pressed on.
They soon arrived at the Ponyville Clinic. Ponyville was far too small to need its own hospital, so it made do with a clinic that doubled as a veterinarian's office. There were only twelve beds, but it wasn't uncommon for them all to be empty. Only one bed was occupied. The occupant, though, wasn't a pony. Nor was it a griffin or a baby dragon. It was something nopony had ever seen.
It had bare skin of a strange tan colour. Its only body hair was brown and confined to its chest and the top of its head. It appeared to be bipedal, given that its hands looked as though they were better suited for grabbing things. Each finger was quite blunt and non-threatening. Its teeth were an interesting mix of sharp and blunt. A cast enveloped its left arm, locking it in a 'L' shape. It stared at them as Nurse Redheart opened the door. They could see the disbelief in its eyes, and the way its jaw hung loose was more indication that it simply could not comprehend what it was seeing.
"Uhh... Hi?" Twilight asked nervously. She wasn't even sure if it - he - could understand what she was saying.
"Oh gods," the creature muttered before fainting.





"So ya'll saying this critter took one look at ya and collapsed?"
"Well, it said something first," Twilight replied.
Applejack, an orange earth pony with a blonde mane, leaned closer. "Really now? What did it say?"
"I think he said 'Oh god', whatever that means."
"So it speaks Equetrian? Ain't that a bit odd?"
"I know." Twilight sighed. "I've never read anything about this in any of my books."
"Twilight, some things ain't in books. You should know this."
Before the studious mare could reply, a bright-blue pegasus shot past before coming to a halt, hovering about three yards behind them and ten feet above. "Hey! Twilight! Applejack! Redheart said the alien woke up!"
"Rainbow, that's not really polite," Twilight replied, a little annoyed at her attitude.
"Well what else am I gonna call it?" the pegasus shouted back.
"Well, I'm sure he has a name." Twilight began to make her way to the clinic again before turning to Applejack. "You coming?"
"Gimme a sec, Twi. Ah reckon the fella could use some real food." The farm mare ducked behind her small apple stall and retrieved an apple pie. 
They arrived at the clinic to find the stranger lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He sat up and saw Twilight and Applejack, balancing the pie on her back. The unicorn mare opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted. "Where are my pants?"
"What?"
"Waking up in a strange room, I can deal with. Waking up in a strange room in a world with colourful horse-things, I can deal with that too. But waking up in a strange room with colourful horse-things while I'm naked?" The thing started to chuckle. "Ain't happening."
"I'll see what happened to your clothes in a moment," Twilight said warily. "Can you tell us your name?"
"As long as you tell me your names," the thing replied. Twilight nodded and the creature smiled. "Well, I'm Justin."
"I'm Twilight Sparkle, and this is Applejack," she said, motioning to her friend.
"Howdy," Applejack said loudly. "Ah got that weird contraption ya'll came in on over at mah farm."
"You have my pushbike?" Justin asked. 
"It ain't in great shape, though. Got real busted when - "
"Twilight, I finished cleaning the clothes for - Oh! Sorry." A third pony had entered the room, this one with a very white coat and a royal purple mane. "I didn't know you were awake."
"Justin," Twilight said, "this is my friend Rarity. Rarity, this is Justin."
"Hi," Justin said, waving from his bed. "Nice to meet you."
"Well, a pleasure to meet you too!" Rarity put the folded clothes on the foot of the bed using her telekinesis. This did not escape Justin's attention.
"Did... did you just levitate my stuff?" he asked, pointing at it.
"Uh, yes?"
"You have magic?"
"Yes...?" Rarity was a little unsure of the creature's behaviour. It's expression was a mix of wonder and fear.
"Wow." He lay back down on the bed, laughing. "Magic. I'm in a universe with magic!"
The three ponies looked at each other, a little baffled by the creature's reaction. "Are you okay?"
"Oh I'm fine. Just... magic!" Justin stopped laughing and sat up, still smiling wide. "This is so cool."
"Dontcha have magic from where you're from?" Applejack asked.
"Nope!" Justin yelled cheerfully.
The mares just stared at the strange thing before them. "No magic?" Twilight asked. "Really?" When Justin nodded, Twilight looked at the ground. "This is like something from those books Spike reads," she muttered.
"How do you manage in a world without magic?" Rarity asked, mortified at the idea.
Justin shrugged. "Humans are really intelligent, we invent what we need to." He shifted uncomfortably. "Uhh... Could I have some privacy while I put my clothes back on?"
"Ah can't see the big deal. Ah mean, it ain't like we're wearing anythin'." Applejack put the apple pie down on the bed. "Why is it such a problem for ya?"
"Where I'm from, clothing isn't optional. So being naked around anyone, especially women, is kind of embarrassing." He had begun to blush, turning red. 
"Did he just say what I thought he said?" Rarity asked as they left Justin alone. "Can you imagine what it must be like?" Her voice was shrill with excitement. The very prospect of a world for a being of her unparalleled skill was enough to send her into a tizzy. 
"Rarity, Ah think ya'll should calm down a bit," an unamused Applejack said. "After all, he’s hurt and Ah don’t think he’ll appreciate ya pesterin’ him with questions. Plus, he’s new to Equestria."
"Equestria? Is that the name of this place?" All three ponies turned around and saw Justin ducking under the doorway, holding the apple pie in his good hand. Now that he was standing they could see that he was easily two feet taller than them, which made them feel rather small. Now he was wearing a pair of denim jeans and a Rolling Stones shirt with the cover of their Sticky Fingers album. He had opted to ignore his shoes for the time being, meaning he was barefoot. 
"Yeah," Twilight responded. "I suppose I should welcome you. Both to Ponyville and Equestria."
"Ponyville?" Justin asked, eyebrows raised. "That's the name of this place? Really?"
"Yep!" Applejack said proudly. "It's not big or grand or nothing, but it's home." 
"So, tell me," Justin said. "Why exactly am I talking to a horse and two unicorns?"
"For starters, we're ponies. And secondly we're the ones who brought you here when we found you," Twilight replied.
"Oh. Well, thanks, I guess." 
They stood there awkwardly for a moment before Applejack pointed at Justin’s shirt. “What the hay are the Rollin’ Stones?”
“Maybe it’s a philosophical thing?” Twilight suggested.
“But why is there a picture of... that area?” Rarity asked, sounding a little disgusted.
“Hm?” Justin looked at where they were staring. “Oh, they’re a band. Musicians.”
“But why a picture of that?” Rarity asked again.
“I’m honestly not sure,” Justin answered carefully. “I guess sex sells.” Their reactions were not ones he had anticipated. Applejack simply stared at him as though he was crazy, Twilight raised an eyebrow and Rarity looked at him as though he had just crawled out of some slime-filled pit. 
“Your world is weird,” Twilight said, first to break the awkward silence that had ensued.
Justin simply shrugged in response. “I won’t deny that, Earth is damn strange.”
“Strange? How so?” Applejack asked, still wearing that incredulous look.
“Everything. The people, the places, the culture...” Justin’s face fell. “My home.” He leaned against the wall and slumped down against it. “My home,” he said again, a tear rolling down his face. A wry smile played across his face. “My shitty little apartment with barely enough room to lie down. My crappy job as a bicycle courier. Living off tinned food.” Without a second thought he stuck a hand into the apple pie and shoved it in his mouth. He kept it there, his eyes going wide. He pulled his fingers out slowly and chewed. “Oh god this is beautiful.”
“You’re welcome?” Applejack said, a little confused.
“No, really,” he said, his mouth full. “This is the best apple pie I’ve ever had.” He dug his hand in again and scooped up another mouthful.
"Must you eat like that?" Rarity asked, looking a little offended.
"Hey, I'm starving, okay?" Justin replied, bits of apple pie spraying everywhere.
"Heavens, you're just like Applejack."
"Ah'll pretend Ah didn't hear that," the earth pony replied angrily.
Before a full-blown argument could erupt, all four of them were interrupted by another visitor. "Hey Twilgiht! Is it safe to see the alien!?"
Twilight face-hoofed. "Urrgh..."
"Your friends taste delicious!" Justin yelled out with a laugh. The three ponies in the corridor with him just stared, shocked at what he had said.
"WHAT!?" A rainbow-maned pegasus sped in, hooves raised and ready for a fight. What she saw was a strange figure sitting on the ground, apple pie all over its face and cackling madly. "What?"
"Oh that was good!" Justin took a deep breath and sighed. "You shoulda seen the look your face."
"You mean that was just a joke!?" Rainbow yelled, outraged. "How can you even think that was funny!?"
Justin shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe because I'm an alien?" He gave the pegasus a very serious look, quite the accomplishment with pie smeared all over his chin. 
"I ain't saying sorry until you do! That was a horrible - "
"I'm sorry."
Everypony was stunned. "W-what?" was all Rainbow Dash was capable of saying.
"I said I'm sorry. You're right, that was pretty horrible. I just wanted a laugh. I should've thought that through more." Justin stood up, wiping his good hand on his shirt. "I'm Justin," he said, sticking his hand out.
Rainbow Dash paused for a moment before letting him grab her hoof. "Rainbow Dash. Sorry I called you an alien."
"Don't worry about it."
The other three collectively sighed in relied. "Thank heavens for that. Ah was worried we'd have a fight on our hooves there," Applejack said.
"Indeed," Rarity chimed in. "Though that was a rather uncouth thing to say."
Justin shrugged. "I said I was sorry, what more do you want?"
"He did, Rarity," Twilight replied. "I'll go see Nurse Redheart and ask if it's safe for Justin to leave yet.
Five minutes later, the four ponies and their new human companion stepped out of the clinic. Justin shielded his eyes from the glare of the sun and looked around.





Ponies. Ponies everywhere. I mean, really. It was like a kid had gone crazy with a box of crayons. And I don't mean those shitty ones with only eight different colours. I mean those really expensive ones with at least two hundred. At first it hurt more than looking at the sun. But I'm nothing if not adaptable. That's why I hadn't properly freaked out yet. That thing with me fainting? That was more the shock of my suspicions being realised. Honestly.
> Watch Your Mouth
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	You know that feeling? The one where you're the center of attention and you don't really like it? That's what I went through the whole time we walked to Applejack's farm. I mean, I could understand why they were staring. After all, I was an alien. If one of them appeared back where I came from I'd probably walk into traffic, my attention would be that focused. So it didn't really surprise me when one of them, I think it was teal with a harp on its flank, walked into a building. 
By the time we'd gotten out of the town itself every single pony must've gotten a good look. Truthfully, I was glad. At least a few of their stares were hostile, I'm sure of that. At least I didn't get attacked. Even if they are only four feet high at the head, I'm pretty sure a good kick would be enough to collapse my lungs or something.





"So you live on a farm?"
"The biggest apple farm in all Equestria!" Applejack boasted proudly. "Ya won't find better apples anywhere else, I promise you that!"
“So you farm apples?”
“Yessir!”
“Every day?”
“Uh huh!”
“And you never get bored of apples?”
“I... Uh - ” Applejack stopped talking when she noticed the shit-eating grin Justin was wearing. “Ha ha, very funny,” she said sarcastically. “Ah enjoy what Ah do, thank ya very much.”
Justin stopped walking and held up his good hand defensively. “I’m just having a bit of fun. Whatever floats your boat,” he said, his grin downgrading to a simple smile.
“What the hay does that mean?” the earth pony asked, a little confused.
“Err...” Justin hadn’t expected to run into this. “It’s hard to explain.”
Rainbow Dash, hovering above the group as was her custom, had begun to snicker. “Rainbow, what’s so funny?” Twilight asked, looking up at her technicolour friend.
“I don’t think you’ll understand,” she replied with a hoof-wave. “It’s kinda weird.”
They proceeded in silence for a minute until Applejack’s curiosity finally won out. “Okay, ya’ll gotta tell me what the hay you meant right this instant.”
“No.” Justin was adamant to not say anything more. Honestly, he was a little scared as to how the farm pony would react.
“Tell me.” Applejack had stopped walking towards the farm and was now facing Justin. “Ya’ll gonna tell me or we ain’t movin’ another step.”
“AJ, you’re not gonna like it,” Rainbow said, sounding a little concerned.
“Ah don’t care! Ah need ta know!”
“Applejack, dear, I think you should listen to Rainbow.” Rarity had chimed in as well, sharing the pegasus’ concern. “I’m not sure you want to know.”
“Actually, I want to know as well,” Twilight said. All four of them stared at the purple unicorn, surprised. “What?” she asked.
Justin ran a hand down his face and sighed angrily. Rainbow lowered her altitude and whispered something in Applejack’s ear that only the earth pony could hear. Applejack’s face fell comically fast, but Justin was not feeling amused in the slightest. Neither, it seemed, was Applejack. “What kinda thing is that ta say to somepony?”
Justin could sense the situation turning hostile fast. Very fast. “It was just a joke! Honest to god, I’m sorry! I meant nothing by it!”
The earth pony glared at the human for a moment. A very tense silence filled the air before she turned tail. “Okay then,” she said, her voice somewhat threatening, “just keep that kinda nonsense to yaself around mah family.” As she walked away, they could hear her muttering “Last thing Ah need is Applebloom hearing that kinda...”
"I didn't think she'd react so badly," Rainbow said, watching her friend stomp down the path.
"I'm just glad she didn't kick me," Justin replied, biting his lip.
"What did you say to her?" Twilight asked Rainbow, who face-hoofed.
"Can we talk about this later?” Rainbow asked her friend, shooting her an annoyed look.
“Preferably when I’m not at risk of having my nose broken,” Justin added.
“How are you at risk of that happening?” the unicorn mare asked. Her friends and Justin stared at her as though wondering if she was serious. “What?”
“Please tell me she’s joking,” Justin said to nopony in particular.
“You are joking, right Twi?” Rainbow asked.
“Of course she’s joking!” Rarity exclaimed confidently. She then turned to Twilight, looking concerned. “You are joking, aren’t you?”
Twilight let out a rather fake laugh. “Of course I was joking, guys!” The laugh died when she saw the unconvinced looks they were wearing. “Let’s just go,” she said, her ears drooping in annoyance.
The group continued on in silence, which Justin was grateful for. Rarity had been asking a large number of questions about fashion, and he had managed to rebuke every single one with something along the lines of “I dress for utility, and so does most everyone.” However, she had been getting closer to things that were ‘special occasions’, and Justin had been dreading that. He knew nothing about fashion other than ‘black is slimming.’
When they arrived at the farm, the sight of it blew Justin’s mind. It was huge. As far as he could see, apple trees in every direction. He stood there, his jaw hanging loosely as he tried to process what he was seeing. After half a minute, all he could say was “So many trees...”
“That there are,” Applejack replied.
“You harvest all those apples yourself?”
“No, Ah’ve got mah brother ta help me with that. Mah little sister too, but she’s just a little filly, can’t do much.”
“Hey!” a new voice, a female one, said. “Ah’m not a little filly! Ah’m a big pony!”
Justin looked down and saw a small yellow pony with a red mane. He thought that the walk through the town would have prepared him for the possible cuteness he would encounter. He was wrong. At such proximity, he was sure he could feel his organs begin to shut down from an overdose of adorableness. He stared at the filly for a few seconds, knowing that if he didn’t avert his eyes soon he would suffer a lethal dose. But he couldn’t. As much as he wanted to, there was something about her that just made such an act physically impossible.
“Justin? Are you okay?” He was brought back down to reality when Rainbow Dash clopped him across the back of his head. 
“Huh? Wha?”
"You've been standing there for a whole minute,” Twilight said. “Maybe you have a concussion?”
“No, no, I’m fine,” Justin said, a little too quickly for the ponies’ liking.
“Uh-huh,” Applejack said, obviously unconvinced. “Anyways, this is mah sister Applebloom. Applebloom, this is Justin.”
“Hi!” Applebloom said loudly, the bow in her mane bobbing like crazy. “Ya’ll the monkey that crashed inta one of the apple trees two days ago, ain’tcha?”
“Applebloom!” Applejack yelled angrily. “Don’tcha call him a monkey!”
“It’s alright,” Justin replied with a causal wave of his good hand. “I’ve been called much worse, trust me. ‘Monkey’ is a nice step up, if anything.” He leaned down closer to Applebloom, trying to ride out the wave of crushing cuteness. “But if you call me that, all the other ponies will think that’s my name,” he said seriously. 
“Sorry, Justin. Ah din’t mean nothin’.”
“And I know you didn’t,” Justin replied, standing up straight again. “Just don’t do it again, okay?”
“Okay!”
“Justin, din’tcha wanna see what happened to that contraption ya’ll came here on?” Applejack asked.
“Oh yeah.” He looked down at Applebloom. “I’ll be right back.” 
As he followed Applejack towards the barn, the earth pony began talking. “Ah was worried that you were gonna say somethin’ stupid again.”
Justin shrugged. “I know how to act around kids. I’m fully capable of self-censorship, thank you very much.”
“Just as long as you don’t make any more jokes about which way mah barn door swings.”
Justin almost tripped over his own feet when she said that. He quickly recovered and acted as though nothing had happened. “Gotcha.”
The barn door swung open easily when Applejack put her weight against it. “Well, there it is,” she said, gesturing into the barn with her hoof.
Justin stepped in and stared at the mangled wreck on the ground. “How fast was I going?”
“No idea,” the cowpony replied. “We just found ya on the ground.”
The bicycle was a mess. The wheels were bent so horrifically out of shape that they couldn’t even spin. The handlebar was twisted in ways that probably weren’t possible. The frame had been snapped in multiple places from the forces it suffered. “I should probably be dead,” Justin said loudly. “There’s no way I should have survived.”
“Are ya sure?” Applejack asked skeptically. “Ah mean, for all ya know that there thingamajig was poorly made.”
“Hey, that thing cost me a fortune. I could’ve thrown it off a mountain and all I’d need to was give it a good scrub.” He pointed to what was left of his bike. “This looks like it was shot out a cannon then stomped on by an angry giant.” He stared at it for a moment. “So how am I alive?”





“And this is where I live.”
“A tree? Really?”
“What? Is there something wrong with that?”
Twilight had offered to let Justin stay with her until he could find somewhere to stay. On the way she had given him a more detailed tour of Ponyville, pointing out where her friends lived. The route from the clinic to Sweet Apple Acres had not passed by Sugarcube Corner. The mere sight nearly made Justin keel over from diabetic shock. As such, the Books and Branches Library was rather mundane in comparison.
“Oh, nothing. I feel perfectly safe living in a highly flammable building filled with enough fuel for a small inferno,” Justin rattled off in a complete deadpan.
Twilight rolled her eyes in response. “All the books are charmed so they can’t be set alight. Same with the tree. I might as well be living in a stone castle.” She pushed open the door and yelled out “Spike! I’m home!”
Justin took a look around and was stunned by the amount of literature he saw on the walls. He was wrong. There was enough fuel here for a dozen large infernos. There were even piles of books stacked up on tables around the room, leading him to believe that this place was filled to bursting point.
“You don’t have to yell, Twilight.” A small bipedal wingless dragon stepped out of what might have been the kitchen wearing an apron. He scratched absently at his purple scales as he took in Justin. “Why is there a monkey behind you?”
“Why is there a small talking lizard wearing an apron?” Justin’s retort came at lightning speed, almost as though he had anticipated what he would see.
“Hey! I’m not a lizard, I’m a dragon!”
“And I’m not a monkey.”
“Spike, you remember how I told you about what happened at Sweet Apple Acres?” Twilight looked nervously between dragon and man, hoping a fight wouldn’t erupt.
“Oh yeah.” Spike took the apron off, revealing his pale belly. “So you’re the thing that appeared?”
“Guilty as charged,” Justin replied, putting his hand over his heart. 
Without much warning, Spike belched out a stream of green fire that quickly coalesced into a scroll. Justin had instinctively jumped away in shock. “The hell!?” he yelled.
“It’s a letter from the princess,” the dragon said, clutching the scroll.
“I can see that, Spike. Could you read it out?”
Spike cleared his throat and unravelled the scroll.
“My dearest Twilight Sparkle,
I must admit I was surprised when I read your latest letter. I shall be visiting Ponyville tomorrow to see with my own eyes 	this otherworldly being you spoke of. Please make sure that it is kept safe and well 	until that time.
Princess Celestia”
Spike stopped reading and tilted his head quizzically. “Huh. Talk about short.”
“I’m sorry, did he just burp out a letter?” Justin’s expression mirrored perfectly the sheer confusion filling his mind at that moment. “How is that possible?”
The dragon shrugged. “It’s magic. I ain’t gonna explain anything.”
“The princess is coming tomorrow?” Twilight’s pupils had shrunk to pinpricks. “Oh no. I need to get ready! Spike, help me clean up!” She began running around frantically, picking up tomes with her telekinesis. “Come on!”
Spike sighed and looked over at Justin. “Girls,” he said with a smirk.
“Don’t get me started,” Justin replied with a laugh.





Three days after my arrival and I was getting to meet royalty. Seeing I’d only been up for one day, technically not even that, I was more than a little shocked. Perfectly understandable. A bit more warning might have been nice, though. For Twilight’s sake, more than anything. That crazy mare ended up collapsing. These ponies are really light. I was expecting to throw out my back when I carried her to her bed. Speaking of which, beds. I thought horses and such slept standing up. I might be wrong, but I’m pretty damn sure that’s the case. Then again, there are ponies here that can fly or use magic. I should probably just throw out the rulebook I grew up with. 
> A Chat With Royalty
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	All I can say about my first encounter with Equestrian royalty was that I was not prepared. True, you can hardly ever be, but this was for a different reason. After all, this princess I met was not like any of the other ponies. Hell, I don’t even think she was a pony. Yeah, she had the same basic features, right down to that strange mark on her flank. Speaking of which, I need to ask about that.
Where was I? Oh, right. Anyway, there is no way that she is a normal pony. Well, whatever passes for normal here, anyway. She was certainly punctual, I’ll give her that.





Justin pushed himself out of the bed. It was comfortable, but far too short for someone of his stature. As a result, his bare feet and half his legs below his knees had spent the entire night sticking over the end. He walked into the low door-frame and began to curse. He ducked down and walked down the stairs to the main hall of the library.
The books that had littered the floor and tables were gone. Every surface had been polished until it gleamed, even the ones that shouldn’t. Spike sat at one of these tables, eating a fried egg on toast. “Morning,” he said without looking up from his meal.
“Hey,” Justin replied. “Do you guys have any coffee?”
“I think so,” Spike replied. “Better ask Twilight, though, it’s hers.”
“Great. Where is she?”
“In the kitchen, Justin,” a voice said. Justin walked over and peered in to see what she was doing. Twilight Sparkle had a frying pan on the stove and a small bowl next to her. Whatever was in the pan was sizzling away nicely. “Coffee’s over there,” she yawned, pointing at a small jug on the counter. She lifted a spatula telekinetically and flipped over something in the pan. “Want some Prench Toast?”
“Prench Toast?” Justin asked, eyebrow raised.
“Oh, right, you probably don’t have that where you’re from.” Twilight moved a slice of the toast onto a plate and got started on another. “It’s good.”
Justin took the plate and stared at it. It looked the same. He took a sniff. It smelt the same. He took a tentative bite. It tasted the same. Somehow, in what was likely a universe completely separate to the one he came from, he was eating a piece of what was undeniably French Toast. Impossible? Maybe, but at that moment he didn’t really care.
He poured himself a cup of coffee and took his breakfast back out so he could eat with Spike. The table was so low he was forced to sit cross-legged on the ground, across from the small dragon. “Thanks for helping me set up the bed last night.”
“Hey, don’t mention it.” Spike swallowed the last of his breakfast and started picking at his teeth with a claw. “Besides, you helped with the heavy lifting.”
“True that,” the human replied, taking a sip from his cup.
“It’s nice to see you two getting along.” The female voice, serene and motherly, came from nowhere, causing Justin to spit his mouthful of coffee all over Spike. “Oh my.”
“Oh man!” Spike exclaimed angrily. “Now I need to take a bath!”
“Forgive me, Spike,” the mysterious voice said. “I didn’t mean to startle your guest.”
“I should hope so!” Justin turned around, more irritated than anything. What he saw made him pause.
It was a winged unicorn. Or perhaps it was a horned pegasus. Either way, it was much taller than any of the other ponies he had encountered so far, probably taller than he was. Its coat was the purest white, and its mane was like an aurora, a light show that never ceased. On its head was a golden crown or tiara, and around its neck was a beautiful bejeweled yoke made of the same material.
Twilight Sparkle poked her head out, spatula still in her telekinetic grip, all sleepiness gone. “Princess Celestia!” She dropped the cooking utensil and bowed down.
“Twilight Sparkle, please, you don’t have to bow. After all, you are my student.”
“Wait.” Justin pointed a finger at Twilight. “You’re the student of royalty?”
Princess Celestia raised a regal eyebrow. “You didn’t tell him?”
“It slipped my mind,” Twilight replied awkwardly. “Sorry Justin.”
“That’s okay. I know I’d forget if I was being taught by a member of the royal family,” he replied, sarcasm dripping from his words like honey.
The princess started chuckling. “Twilight Sparkle, I think you forgot something.”
“Huh?” She turned around and saw a plume of black smoke from the stove. “My breakfast!” She galloped back into the kitchen in an attempt to rescue her meal. Spike sighed and followed.
“I’ll help her out,” he said, the exasperation clear in his voice.
When both the dragon and unicorn had disappeared, Princess Celestia turned back to Justin, who was still sitting on the ground. “I believe introductions are in order. I am Princess Celestia.”
“Nice to meet you,” Justin said before nearly giving in to a facepalm. He recovered enough composure to give his own name. “I’m Justin.”
The princess raised an eyebrow and smiled. “I’ve never seen a creature like yourself before, which is saying something seeing how long I have lived.”
Justin decided that the matter of how long she had lived didn’t matter at that moment. “Well, I could say the same about you, your highness. Unicorns and pegasi are confined to myths in my world, but there is nothing anywhere about a unicorn with wings.”
Celestia snorted lightly. “I am not a unicorn with wings, Justin, but an alicorn. So my ponies are little more than myths and legends where you’re from?”
“Yeah,” Justin said, scratching the back of head awkwardly. “Same with dragons.”
“Hmm.” Celestia went silent, deep in thought for a moment. “For being around a group of mythical creatures you are doing admirably, I must say.”
Justin merely shrugged as though it wasn’t that big a deal. “Humans are very adaptable. The way I see it, I’m stuck here so I may as well make the best of it.”
“I’m sure Twilight Sparkle can find a way to send you back to your world,” Celestia replied serenely.
“I appreciate the offer but...” Justin bit his lip, not sure how to say what he had to. “I want to stay.”
“You want to stay?” Both the princess and the human turned to see Twilight standing in the doorway to the kitchen, looking shocked. “But... why?”
“My world is a mess,” Justin said. “Humanity has some real issues. Probably has something to do with starting at the bottom of the food chain and having to work our way up.”
“Working your way up?” Celestia was intrigued, to say the least. 
“Only the smartest and strongest survived at first. They discovered how sticks and stones can crack skulls and cut through skin. From there we worked our way up. Next came metal swords, then machines capable of flinging boulders, then...” Justin took a sip of his coffee to prepare himself for what he was about to say. “Then we developed weapons that can annihilate cities. Weapons that can tear apart the very planet we live on.”
“But...” Twilight was aghast. “Why? Why would your people do that?”
“We started as hunter-gatherers. We have no natural weapons except for ingenuity. Eventually, though, the justification was ‘the one with the biggest stick wins,’ which is horrible, I know.”
“Hunter-gatherers?” Celestia asked. “Your people eat meat?”
“Err... yeah. We don’t have to, but if we hadn’t we wouldn’t have evolved as far as we have.”
“I saw you eat an apple pie yesterday! And you’re having Prench Toast!” Twilight Sparkle was completely lost. How could a creature eat both meat and plants?
“I’m guessing you gave my body a once-over when I was unconscious, right?” The mare nodded dumbly. “Did you look in my mouth?”
“Yes, but when we saw the sharp teeth we weren’t sure we wanted to look further.”
“If you had, you would’ve noticed the molars at the back.” 
“Twilight Sparkle, do you remember your studies on the griffons?”
“Mainly carnivorous, but capable of eating berries and fruit if they need to,” she rattled off calmly, before comprehension began to dawn.
“You have griffons in this world too?” Justin asked, losing his original train of thought. “Next you’re gonna tell me there’s a pony that raises the sun.”
“Uhh, Justin, you’ve been talking to her for the last ten minutes.”
“What?” He turned to Celestia and looked at her skeptically. “Riiiiiight.” He shook his head. “Where was I?”
“You were telling us about your people,” Celestia reminded him calmly.
“Right.” Justin yawned, covering his mouth with his good hand. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything,” Twilight said, breathless at the idea of learning about an alien culture. 
Celestia smiled warmly. “Calm down, Twilight Sparkle. You mustn't overwhelm your guest.”
“As long as I can ask a few questions myself,” Justin said.
“Of course,” Celestia replied calmly.
“So,” Justin asked, taking another sip, “where should I begin?”





It was about an hour after lunchtime when the princess had to leave. Justin had explained to her and Twilight all he could remember of world history, which admittedly wasn’t much, as well as politics and the general state of the globe. In return, Celestia and Twilight had explained to him many things about how Equestria worked. Twilight had been fascinated how a world could function without magic, while Justin was fascinated with a world that needed magic to function in any way.
The stories of the various conflicts that humanity had fought had shaken the unicorn, but the progress they had made in other fields was enough to convince her that humanity wasn’t all bad. Celestia was more than happy to let Justin stay under the proviso that he do nothing to disturb the peace, which he agreed to quickly. After all, he had no reason to cause any trouble. 
“So, what are we gonna do now?”
Twilight looked at her stack of notes. “I think I have enough to study for the next week here,” she chuckled. “Maybe I could introduce you to one of my other friends.”
“Sounds good.” Justin stood up slowly, groaning. “I need to stretch my legs.”
“Spike!” Twilight called out. “We’re going to see Fluttershy!”
“Okay!” Spike called from the bathroom. “Make sure to be home in time for dinner!”
“Is he your assistant or your father?” Justin asked as they walked out.
“Oh hush you,” the unicorn retorted.
They both failed to notice the bush that hadn’t been there the night before. They also failed to notice the fake glasses it was somehow wearing.





Well, it wasn’t bad, what happened. A little odd, but perfectly manageable. And now we were off to meet another of Twilight’s friends. Can’t believe I forgot to ask about the tattoo things on their flanks, though. I mean, I was speaking to the oldest living being on this world! She would know everything! Oh well, I’ll just have to ask later, I suppose. 
> [Insert chapter name here]
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Turns out these ponies are very adaptable as well. This time only a few of them stared at me for any amount of time. The rest just glanced and that was it. It’s kinda nice to be just one of the herd. Oh god that was a horrible pun, I can’t believe I just did that. 
Anyway, so many little animals! I swear I have not seen that many in one place before in my entire life. And the fact that this Fluttershy pony looks after all of them is kinda intimidating. The sheer amount of responsibility that would entail hurts my mind.





“So that forest is the only place where ponies don’t control the weather?”
“We can’t. It’s too dangerous for anypony to live in there. What with the manticores and hydras and cockatrices.”
Justin just stared at the mare for a moment. “I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”
“Why would I be joking?” Twilight asked. They were walking along the path to Fluttershy’s house, which bordered the Everfree.
“Because each creature you just listed is a myth where I’m from.”
“Ask Applejack if you don’t believe me. She can’t lie.”
“Twilight, everyone can lie.” Justin was wearing an unamused look.
“No, really. She’s the Element of Honesty, she just can’t.”
“Oh yeah, you mentioned them before.” He began to count them off on his fingers. “Yours is Magic, Rainbow’s is Loyalty, Rarity’s is Generosity, though I just can’t see how that works out, and... what were the other two again?”
“Kindness and Laughter,” Twilight reminded him. “Fluttershy is the bearer of Kindness.”
“So who’s Laughter, then?”
“Pinkie Pie. She’s... different.”
Justin noted how she hesitated. “Different good or different bad?”
“I guess that depends on perspective,” Twilight said thoughtfully. “She’s fun, but she can be a bit... overwhelming.”
“Who you two talkin’ about?” They looked up to see Rainbow Dash hovering above them lazily.
“A pony called Pinkie Pie,” Justin replied. “What’s she like?”
“Pink. Very pink,” Rainbow began to fly on her back, using her forelegs as a headrest. Justin simply stared at this blatant disregard for the laws of physics. “Also, she loves to throw parties. And play pranks.”
“Okay then,” Justin said slowly, trying to ignore the impossibility he was witnessing. “So I should be careful?”
“Oh yeah,” Rainbow replied. “She’ll get ya when ya least expect it. Speaking of which, Twilight?” She turned to the mare beneath her. “Have you seen Pinkie Pie the last few days?”
Twilight’s eyes went wide. “Oh no. Rainbow, I need you to find her.”
Rainbow Dash righted herself and saluted. “On it,” she said before speeding off, leaving a rainbow contrail that added to Justin’s confusion.
“I thought Pinkie Pie was a friend of yours?” a confused Justin asked, turning to Twilight.
“She is, but...” Twilight bit her lip. “Pinkie can be... problematic, though. Very problematic.”
“O... kay?”Justin scratched at his head before deciding to worry about this later. “How far are we from Fluttershy’s house?”
“Not that far now,” Twilight replied as she led the way.
Justin’s first thoughts when he saw Fluttershy’s house went in two directions. The first one was “Holy crap there are so many animals,” while the second one went along the lines of “Is that a hobbit hole?” He followed Twilight to the hole’s door, noting that it was less like a hobbit hole and more like a small cottage the closer he got.
Twilight raised a hoof to knock but turned to Justin. “Just a warning, Fluttershy is kind of... shy.”
“No, really? I thought she was a complete showpony!” Justin said as sarcastically as he could. “Her name is Fluttershy,” he said seriously. “If she wasn’t shy, I’d be a little worried.”
The unicorn mare rolled her eyes and banged her hoof against the door three times. The door opened slowly and Justin saw a pale yellow pegasus with a bright pink mane that hung over her eyes. “Oh. Hello Twilight.” Then she caught sight of Justin. Her eyes went wide as her pupils shrunk. “Oh,” she squeaked.
“Fluttershy, calm down. He’s perfectly safe. He won’t hurt you.”
“Can you please stop talking about me like I’m some wild animal?” Justin asked, annoyed. “It’s degrading.”
“Sorry,” Twilight answered, ears against her head. She couldn’t believe she had been blind about his feelings.
“I-it’s good to see you awake,” Fluttershy said timidly. 
“Wait, you already know about Justin?” Twilight asked, surprised.
“W-well,” Fluttershy stammered, “Nurse Redheart asked me to help because of my experience with animals. They weren’t sure what you would eat, you see.”
“Huh.” Justin thought about that for a moment. It made sense that they would go to a vet. All the doctors were likely only experienced with how to patch up other ponies, and a bipedal ape-thing was definitely confusing. The fact that they turned to a vet still upset him a little. “Well, thanks.”
“I didn’t really have to do much, though,” Fluttershy said. “The doctors had already cleaned you up. I was just there to help.” They stood for a moment at the threshold awkwardly before the pegasus stepped back. “You can come in. Um, if you’d like...”
“I’d like that, “Justin said as he ducked under the doorway.





The rest of the day was spent talking with Fluttershy and helping her where they could. Justin’s height and opposable thumbs, along with Twilight’s magic, helped make things go along very quickly. During their time there, Justin had gotten acquainted with the gruff, unpleasant ball of white fluff that Fluttershy called Angel. Having had several fingers bandaged convinced him that that the rabbit was, without a shadow of a doubt, completely and undoubtedly satanic. They left when the sky began to darken, Celestia’s sun departing to make way for Luna’s moon.
“Angel did not have to bite me,” Justin complained as they followed the path back into Ponyville.
“He’s just being protective,” Twilight replied. “I guess he saw you as a threat.”
“Well, I guess that makes sense,” Justin grumbled in response. “He could have just kicked me or something. He drew blood!”
“Can you just drop it, please?” Twilight asked, rolling her eyes. “You’ve been whining about this since it happened.”
“Fine,” Justin pouted as he crossed his arms.
“Hey!” They both looked up and saw Rainbow Dash flying above them. “I found Pinkie!”
“Great!” Twilight replied, glad for a change of topic. “Where was she?”
“Uhh...” The pegasus scratched the back of her neck. “She’s in the library. When I found her, she was hanging up a bunch of decorations.”
“Oh no,” Twilight muttered as she face-hoofed. “She’s throwing a party.”
“She’s throwing a party,” Rainbow confirmed. “There’s plenty of food and drink as well.”
“A party?” Justin asked. “How is a party not a good thing?”
“”It’s not that its a bad thing,” Twilight replied. “It’s just... It’s a Pinkie Pie Party. They tend to get a little crazy.”
“And you’re worried about all those books you have getting damaged?” Justin asked, unamused at the unicorn.
“Kinda,” she replied abashedly. “Some of those books are rare,” she said in an attempt at justification.
“Twilight, you need to loosen up,” Rainbow said in the tones of someone who had said those words hundreds of times. “Besides, it’s a Pinkie Party! I think she convinced Applejack to bring out her ‘special cider’ too.”
Twilgiht’s eyes went wide. “Oh no. Not Applejack’s ‘special cider’.” She stopped walking and craddled her head in her forehooves. “I still remember what happened the last time I went near that stuff.”
“Twilight, you were hilarious!”
“Maybe, but the next morning I felt like my horn was being forced into my brain!” 
“Would I be right in guessing this ‘special cider’ is alcoholic?” Justin asked, his curiosity piqued.
“Very alcoholic,” Rainbow replied. “A whole barrel could probably knock out an Ursa.”
“Sounds like my kind of party,” Justin answered, grinning from ear to ear.
“Why can’t you be more like Justin?” Rainbow asked her friend. Twilight’s response was to shoot an angry glare back at the pegasus. “Oh yeah,” she said slamming a hoof into the side of her head. “I ran into Redheart earlier. She said the cast can come off.”
“Already? It’s only been on... how long has this thing been on?”
“Four days,” Twilight replied. “Enough time for the healing spell to do its work.” She turned back to the pegasus. “Should he go back to the clinic?”
“Nah, Redheart said she trusts you enough to remove some plaster.”
“All right then.” The unicorn turned to the human. “Hold still.”
Twilight’s horn began to glow and Justin’s left arm was soon encased in a similar lightshow. The cast unravelled until it fell apart, leaving his arm free as it disintegrated into a fine dust. As soon as the glow was gone Justin scratched at his arm like crazy. “Ooh, that feels so good,” he muttered happily. “Oh yeah.”
“Yeah, having a cast on sucks,” Rainbow said in response to his behaviour. 
“You’ve had a cast on before?” Twilight asked her friend.
“Hey, you don’t do as many dangerous stunts as I do without breaking a few bones,” the pegasus replied, letting out a nervous chuckle.
“I thought pegasus bones were really hard to break.”
“Which makes the fact that I broke some even more embarrassing.” Rainbow looked at where the sun was. “We’d better hurry if we want to get to this party,” she said, changing the topic.
“Okay, but I’m not touching any cider.”
“Rainbow, will you help me hold down Twilight while I force some of that stuff down her throat? I want to see her drunk.” Justin let out a yelp when the unicorn jabbed him with her horn. Rainbow Dash laughed at the sight of an angry Twilight trying to charge down Justin.





Note to self: do not piss of Twilight Sparkle. She has magic, and that damn horn hurts more than it should. I wonder if she put an electric charge through it or something. That would explain something. At least she thinks I was joking. Honestly, if I can convince some of the others to help I’ll do it. I want to see her drunk.
And this Pinkie Pie. They’ve been really vague about her. All they’ve really told me is that she’s pink. And a little crazy. I’m guessing she’s of the ‘has to be seen to be believed’ variety of people. Or pony.
> Party Ponies
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Okay, I’ve accepted many things in this world. I’ve seen Rainbow Dash ignore the laws of physics as I know them. I’ve seen magic. Yet, unless the library is some kind of TARDIS, there is no way this many ponies can be inside here. I swear most of Ponyville is in here! How, I don’t know. I probably never will. Maybe I should just write it off as another of the impossibilities this world seems to enjoy throwing at me.
At least there’s some alcohol here. That should help.





Justin pushed open the door to be greeted by an incredible sight. Firstly was the sheer number of ponies. Then, the balloons. The last thing he registered before he was accosted by a bouncing pink something was the large towering cake at the back of the room.
“You’re here, you’re here, you’re here!” it screamed at him in a shrill voice. “I finally get to meet you! Usually I’m the first to meet the new ponies that come to Ponyville, but this time I didn’t get to because I’m not allowed in the clinic unless I’m actually sick which meant that all my friends got to see you first! When you left I was gonna say something but then I saw you weren’t a pony and I knew that I had to throw a super-special welcoming party! It took me a whole extra day to plan it but it was worth it!” All that came out in one single breath, which alarmed Justin. The pony took a very deep breath. “I can’t believe I forgot to tell you my name! I’m Pinkie Pie!”
Justin blinked, trying to register everything he had just heard. After about ten seconds he decided to give up and focus solely on the last part. “I’m Justin,” he said hesitantly.
“Justin? Justin time?” Pinkie giggled at her own joke. “Don’t be silly, there’s plenty of time! This party’s gonna go all night!” And with that she quite literally bounced away, leaving Justin very confused.
“What just happened?” he asked after blinking several times.
“That was Pinkie Pie,” Twilight responded.
“Did she get into the ‘special cider’ already?”
“Nope,” Rainbow replied. “That’s how she normally is.” Justin went silent, letting that sink in. If that was how she was sober, the idea of a drunk Pinkie Pie filled him with dread. He shuddered at the thought. Rainbow saw this and nodded. “It ain’t pretty,” she said as though she could read his mind. “Trust me.”
“Hey guys,” a familiar voice called out. They all turned to see Applejack trot calmly towards them. “What’cha talkin’ about?”
“The subject of my nightmares,” Justin replied darkly.
The farm pony turned to Rainbow Dash for clarification. “He imagined what Pinkie Pie is like when she’s drunk,” the pegasus explained.
The apple farmer shuddered as well. “Ah can see where’s he comin’ from.” She went and nudged Justin’s leg. “Don’t you worry none, sugarcube. Pinkie ain’t goin’ anywhere near the cider tonight.”
“Thank gods,” he muttered. He looked around and saw that Twilight had vanished into the crowd of ponies. “Say,” he said slyly, “can I ask you girls something?”
“Sure thing, sugarcube. Just as long as it ain’t anythin’ really stupid.”
“Go for it.”
“Will you help me get Twilight drunk?”
Applejack looked as though she had been asked to set fire to her apple orchard. “What? Why would Ah do somethin’ like that for?”
“It’s not like that, Applejack. He just wants to see the egghead let her mane down.”
Justin blinked before realising what Applejack had thought. “Woah! No! We’re completely different species! Where I’m from, that kind of thing is illegal. And damn weird.” This seemed to reassure her immensely.
“Well,” Applejack said slowly, “if’n all ya wanna do is see Twi drunk, then Ah don’t see why not. But if Ah get wind that you did somethin’ t’her,” she grabbed Justin’s shirt and pulled him down so their eyes were level, “we’re gonna have words.”
Justin simply chuckled. “Don’t worry. The worse that’ll happen is me drawing on her face when she falls asleep.”
“All right!” Rainbow shouted, causing more than a few of the ponies to stare at her. “Sorry.”
“We’re gonna need a plan,” Justin said conspiratorially. “Do you think we can get Spike to help?”
“Not likely,” Applejack answered. “He’s the one that has ta deal with Twilight tomorrow when she’s all hungover.”
“Right,” he muttered, scratching his chin. “Say, how strong is this cider, anyway?”
Applejack began to chuckle. “Ya’ll in for a treat, Justin! Follow me.” 
She led the human through the throng of ponies towards a barrel bigger than her on a precarious wooden stand. Justin let out a low whistle. “That’s a lot of booze.”
“Hey, Applejack, get me some too, would ya?” Rainbow asked from above.
Applejack grinned and got two largish cups and passed both to Justin, who passed one to Rainbow. Justin took a look at the cloudy orangey-yellow liquid within. “Bottoms up!”
“Never had cider before,” Justin muttered before taking a sip. It tasted very strongly of apples, but not overwhelmingly so. Before he knew it he had downed the entire cup.
“Ah take it ya liked it then?” 
“I’ve had stronger, but it never tasted this good.” Justin wiped his mouth with his arm. 
“You’ve had stronger!?” Rainbow asked. Justin turned to her and saw her face was already flushed. Her eyes were slightly out of focus and her wings were beating slightly out of time, causing her to jerk about unstably. “You’re bucking with me.”
“And you’re a lightweight,” Justin retorted, taking another cup of the cider.
“What?” Rainbow asked, landing with a small thud. “I am not a lightweight! You take that back!”
Justin couldn’t help but smile at how aggressive the pegasus had gotten. “Hey, I’m bigger and heavier than you. That means I can take more before it’ll knock me out.”
Rainbow’s brain slowly processed this information. “That... that makes sense.” She tried to take flight again but ended up propelling herself into Justin’s chest, making him spill his cup of cider all over the mare.
“Watch it!” Justin let out a growl. “Now you’re all wet.” Rainbow found that immensely amusing, and a moment later he facepalmed. “I should have seen that coming,” he muttered angrily.
“Yeah, ya walked right inta that one,” Applejack replied with a laugh. 
Rainbow’s mane hung limp in front of her eyes as she sat on her haunches, chuckling like an idiot. “Gimme some more, AJ.”
“No, Rainbow, you’ve had too much already,” Applejack replied harshly. “Ya’ll gonna wake up tomorrow haitn’ me if Ah do.”
“Why is Rainbow gonna hate you?” a voice asked from right next to Justin, making him jump.
“AARRGH!” Justin yelled out, turning to see the source. It turned out to simply be Pinkie Pie, staring up at him innocently.
“Hi!”
“Hey, Pinkie,” Applejack replied as though this occurred every day.
“Hi Applejack!” Pinkie suddenly let out a gasp far louder than anything her size should have been capable of and pointed a shaking hoof at the barrel behind the farm pony. “Is that your ‘special cider’?” she asked excitedly. Justin mused that there weren’t words that existed in the English language (or whatever they called it in Equestria) to aptly describe Pinkie Pie’s behavior. ‘Strange’ could only scratch the surface, as would ‘bizarre’. Justin decided that he would need to invent new words.
“It is and you ain’t gettin’ any.” Applejack’s tone had become very businesslike, making it obvious to anypony that she was in no mood for any nonsense.
“I know,” Pinkie replied cheerily. “I was just pointing it out.” She turned to Justin wearing what could only be described as an alarming smile. “Have you had any cake yet?”
“Uhh, no?” Justin answered, a little scared at the size of her smile. That shouldn’t be possible, he thought to himself.
“Well that’s no good! You need to try some!” Without further warning she grabbed a hold of his shirt with his teeth and pulled him gently and firmly towards the mountainous cake he had seen earlier. It was easily as big as Pinkie, which raised the question of how she had baked it and gotten it inside the library. Then he noticed the sheer amount of sweets. He caught himself wondering how the ponies hadn’t gotten diabetes yet.
“Hey hey hey hey hey!” Justin said as he was dragged along. “Watch it, you’ll rip this thing, its the only one I got!”
Pinkie let him go and immediately shoved a plate of cake into his hands. How she did that with her hooves escaped him. “Here! There’s cupcakes and muffins and pastries and pies and candy and chocolate and - ” She didn’t get any further as Rainbow, who had been following from behind, pied Pinkie in the face. She didn’t seem to care, instead using an impossibly long, impossibly prehensile tongue to lick all the filling and crust off her face. Before she could say anything, Justin shot back with a question.
“Say, your name. It that ‘Pie’ as in the food, or “Pi” as in the mathematical concept?” he asked in an attempt to distract her from listing the large assortment of food on the table.
Pinkie began to giggle manically. “The food, silly! I know all the numbers of pi, though! Three point one four one five nine two six five three five eight nine seven nine - ” This time Rainbow shoved her hoof into her mouth, shooting Justin a very nasty look. He could tell from her glare that she was wondering what he had been thinking.
Rainbow kept her hoof there for a minute, Pinkie Pie still mumbling around it undeterred. When the pegasus finally let the pink pony talk again she said “And the the final digit of pi is seven!” She didn’t seem to notice the stunned stares she was getting and quite literally bounced away with a cheerful “Have fun!”
“What the hell just happened?” Justin asked after regaining control of his mouth.
“I... I have no idea,” Rainbow replied truthfully. 
“I think she just recited the entirety of pi.”
“Who did what?” They both turned and saw Twilight behind them.
“Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow replied. That was all that needed to be said.
“Of course,” the unicorn replied knowingly. She turned to Justin, who was still trying to make sense of what he had just witnessed. “Don’t try to understand Pinkie Pie, Justin. It doesn’t end well.”
“Yeah, you should know!” Rainbow said loudly, laughing. “You tried to figure out her Pinkie Sense!” She kept laughing, drawing a few stares.
“I don’t know why she drinks,” Twilight muttered. “This always happens.”
“She’s just having fun,” Justin said as he took a bite from the cake. “Oh wow this is good.”
“Pinkie Pie is the best baker in Ponyville. That’s why she works at Sugarcube Corner.”
“You mean that crazy gingerbread house?” Justin asked, taking another bite. He wasn’t sure what was in it, and he didn’t care.
“It ain’t gingerbread,” Rainbow muttered from her place on the floor. “Trust me, I’ve tried.”
“I was wondering who took a bite out of the roof last week,” Twilight mused. 
“I was drunk,” Rainbow replied moodily. 
“Of course you were,” the unicorn muttered, rolling her eyes.
“What have you got against alcohol, anyway?” Justin asked, eyebrow raised. 
Twilight simply pointed at Rainbow, who was now stumbling about on the ground. “What are you lookin’ at?” she asked before losing her balance, her words slurred.
“She really is a lightweight,” Justin muttered. He picked up Rainbow and hoisted her over his shoulder. “Come on, you.”
“Whoo!” the pegasus yelled out drunkenly. She started smacking Justin’s back with a hoof. “Faster!”
“How much did you drink?”
“She got two more cups when I wasn’t lookin’.” Justin turned and saw Applejack looking at Rainbow’s flank in disapproval. “That girl knows she can’t handle that stuff, yet every time she does this.”
“She likes the feeling I guess,” Justin said, shrugging. This jostled the pegasus enough to make her turn and look at Justin.
“Hey,” she said drunkenly. “Lookit me.”
“Huh?” He turned, his mouth slightly open. This turned out to be a mistake as Rainbow took this opportunity to press her lips against his and shove her tongue into his mouth. Justin reacted by simply going numb from shock. It took him a moment to realise the enormity of the situation: He was being Frenched by a pony. He was being Frenched. By. A. PONY. He pulled away and began scratching at his tongue with his free hand. “Oh god!”
“Huh?” Rainbow asked, her tongue still sticking out. “Thomething wrong?”
“Rainbow!” Applejack yelled out, her voice a mix of shocked and angry. “What in tarnation were ya thinkin’?”
“I thought he wanted it,” she answered, a little confused herself. “I mean, he picked me up.”
“Because you were lying on the ground,” Justin replied, still trying to get rid of the taste of Rainbow Dash. “I wasn’t just going to leave you there.”
“Oh.” She was silent for a moment before she slumped back down. “Sorry,” she muttered.





Why would Rainbow think like that? I mean, I explained this to Applejack earlier! We are different species. Yes, Rainbow is nice. She’s fun. She even gets some of my jokes. But really, it won’t work. Even if we could work around the whole species thing, which won’t happen, she loves flying too much. She’ll get sick of staying at ground level, I can tell.
I should just forget that even happened. She’ll regret this in the morning, I’m sure. 
> Farmyard Therapist
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Why can’t I sleep? Why can’t I sleep!? I spent all night playing games and drinking, for gods’ sake! I should have collapsed by now! Argh! Damn it! Damn it all! 
There’s only one explanation. There has to be. Why did she do that? What was she thinking? I don’t care that she was drunk. I don’t care that she could barely stand. Urgh!





Justin woke up late that morning. He hadn’t gotten much sleep the past few days, and whenever he had it was full of strange dreams.
“Wow,” Twilight Sparkle said as he stomped his way into the main hall of the library. “Good morning?”
Justin simply groaned as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “What time is it?” he asked, scratching himself.
“Nearly eleven. I’m surprised you woke up this early.” Twilight turned back to the stack of notes she had made during Justin’s talk with the princess.
“Bad dreams,” he muttered.
“I might have a few books that could help,” Twilight suggested.
“I am not in the mood to go turning pages, thank you very much. Besides, I’d rather stretch my wings.” Justin stopped where he stood and smacked himself in the head.
Twilight stopped reading and stared at Justin. “What was that for?”
“I’m not going to talk about it.” Despite the mare’s badgering, he refused to give in, eventually leaving with a handful of bits he had found lying on the counter.
He made his way to what looked to be the market, judging by the number of ponies there. He turned out to be right and quickly located Applejack standing behind a cart. “Well, howdy, Justin!” The farm pony stopped and blinked, properly taking in the man’s dishevelled appearance. “Woah. You okay, sugarcube?”
Justin rubbed at the bags under his eyes. “Feel like I got kicked in the head, so all things considering, not that bad.” He pulled some of the bits from his pocket. “I feel like breakfast.”
“It’s nearly lunchtime,” Applejack pointed out in a deadpan.
“I just woke up, okay?”
“Ya’ll been havin’ nightmares?”
“Not nightmares. Not exactly,” Justin replied. “Mind if I sit down?” he asked, gesturing to an empty crate behind the cart.
“Sure thing.” Applejack pushed the crate closer with a hoof so he didn’t need to move as far. 
Justin eased himself onto the crate slowly so as not to lose his balance. He rubbed at his eyes again.“I keep having... dreams.”
“Lemme guess. Rainbow Dash?”
Justin turned to the farmer. “How’d you know?”
Applejack snorted. “It don’t take somepony like Twilight to figure somethin’ like that out.”
“Fair enough.” Justin sighed and slumped down. “I don’t know why, though. I mean, she was drunk out of her mind! That kiss meant nothing!”
“Here, eat this.” Applejack passed an apple fritter to Justin. “Now, the way Ah see it,” she said, leaning against the cart, “ya’ll been tellin’ yaself that it meant nothin’, but until ya hear those words from Rainbow Dash herself ya won’t think otherwise.”
Justin swallowed his mouthful of fritter and stared at the farmer. “That is pretty deep, y’know that?”
“What, just because Ah’m a country gal Ah can’t be all philosophical and stuff?” Applejack asked in mock indignation.
“I never said that,” Justin replied, too tired to see the joke. “Well, if you think I should talk to Rainbow, where can I find her?”
“Knowin’ her, probably sleepin’ in one of mah trees.” Applejack adjusted her hat. “If ya’ll are willin’ ta wait, Ah can help ya check the orchard for her.”
“Well, I haven’t got anything better to do. If I fall asleep, don’t wake me up.”





“Say, sugarcube, can ya tell me somethin’?”
“What?”
Justin and Applejack were walking the path to Sweet Apple Acres, the farm pony pulling the cart as though it weighed nothing.
“Why exactly are ya happy stayin’ here?” she asked, a little worried.
Justin looked at the cloudless afternoon sky. “I did say that my life there wasn’t great, didn’t I?” he asked back.
“That ya did,” Applejack replied. “But what about yer friends? Or yer family?”
“All my friends moved away to study.” Justin chuckled. “They wanted to become doctors or lawyers or writers. Before I wound up here, I hadn’t spoken to any of them in two years at least.”
“Two years? Really?” Applejack had trouble believing what he had just said. But thanks to being the Embodiment of Honesty she could tell that every word was truth. “Well, what about yer family? Don’t they miss ya?”
“My father left my mother when she was pregnant. She died three years ago.” The light, almost carefree way he spoke stunned the farmer. “Didn’t have any brothers or sisters, either. Just me.”
“How can ya talk about yer mother’s death so easily?” Applejack asked after finding her voice.
“It was years ago, and she was sick. Inoperable cancer,” he explained.
“Say what now?”
“The doctors couldn’t have done anything even if they tried. If they cut her open to get it out, she would’ve died in days. Instead, she spent the last six months of her life travelling, doing her best to make the most of what she had left,” Justin replied, sighing. “Should’ve gone with her to Egypt,” he muttered.
Applejack didn’t know what Egypt was, nor did she really care. “What did ya say before about ya father? Somethin’ about leavin’ yer mother?”
“Yeah. Never knew him. Don’t want to either.” Justin’s expression became hard at that. “He wanted nothing to do with me, why should I want anything to do with him?” he asked angrily.
“Ah didn’t say anythin’,” Applejack replied warily. “Do ya know why ya father left ya mother like that?”
“I don’t know!” Justin shouted. “I just don’t know! For all I know he got killed and I shouldn’t be hating him. I just...” Justin slumped, his shoulders drooping as he tried to force down his anger.
“Easy there, Justin.” Applejack had stopped pulling the cart to look properly at the human. The way he went from bittersweet reminiscing to anger to confusion was more than a little concerning. “Take a deep breath now.” Justin did as she said. “Keep calm now. Gettin’ angry at that won’t do ya no good now.”
“I know,” Justin muttered. “I thought I got over this years ago. I just...” He sighed.
“That ain’t the kinda thing somepony can get over easily, Ah reckon.” She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Maybe ya’ll worried about being rejected or somethin’?”
“Rejected? What the hay are you talking about?” Justin blinked. “Did I just say ‘hay’?”
“Ya’ll worried about being rejected. Ya think yer father wanted nothin’ ta do with ya, so you have a...” Applejack took a moment to think. “A fear of rejection, maybe?”
“A fear of rejection?” Justin turned to the mare, one eyebrow raised. “Really? That’s the best you can do?”
“Hey, Ah ain’t no fancy psychiatrist now. Ah’m just taking a few guesses. Hay, Ah’m probably completely wrong.” Applejack started walking again. “Maybe Twi knows more about this kinda thing?”
“Well, she knows the princess. Might ask for a pony who knows about this kind of thing,” Justin said as he followed.
“That’s a good idea,” Applejack replied. “Now come on, Big Macintosh expected me back ten minutes ago.”





“Applejack, why were ya late?”
“Sorry, big brother,” Applejack shouted back. “Had to help mah friend here.”
“Did Twilight ask about how we grow our trees again?”
“No, different friend.” She gestured to Justin. “Ya’ll remember this fella, dontcha?”
“Eeyup.” Bug Macintosh approached Justin, the big red stallion’s head level with the man’s neck. “Ah’m Big Macintosh.”
“I’m Justin.” There was an awkward silence as the two simply stared at each other.
“Say, Big Macintosh,” Applejack asked, “ya’ll seen Rainbow around?”
“I saw her sleepin’ in one of the Red Gala trees about half an hour ago,” he replied. He turned to Justin. “Well, it was nice meetin’ ya, but Ah gotta go. Ah promised ta help Applebloom with her math homework.” The stallion walked off slowly back towards the house. Justin couldn’t help but wonder what he was like when he was talkative.
As he disappeared into the building, Applejack went to up to Justin. “Gimme a moment to put the cart back inta the barn, then we can go find Rainbow.”





It didn’t take long to locate Rainbow Dash. Amongst the greens and reds her cyan coat stood out easily. She was lying on a branch, a foreleg dangling as she snored lightly.
“So, ya want ta wake her, or should I?”
“I think I will.” Justin approached the tree and shook it. Rainbow stirred but didn’t wake.
“Hmm,” she moaned in her sleep. She began to giggle and kicked with one of her legs. “That’s good...”
Applejack and Justin looked at each other, eyebrows raised. “Is she dreamin’ about what Ah think she’s dreamin’ about?”
“I hope not,” Justin whispered in response. He shook the tree again.
“Oh, Justin,” the pegasus said happily. “Hmm...”
“Oh god,” Justin muttered.
“Oh Celestia,” Rainbow moaned.
“Oh hay no!” Applejack approached the tree and bucked it hard, knocking the pegasus from her perch. “What in tarnation is wrong with ya, Rainbow!?”
“Huh? Wha?” Rainbow had landed on her head and was looking at them upside down. She righted herself and stared at her friend. “What are you talking about?”
“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Justin muttered.
“We heard ya talkin’ in ya sleep,” Applejack replied.
“You... you did?” Rainbow was suddenly very nervous. “I... I was dreaming that I was getting a massage! Yeah, a massage.”
“Musta been a heck of a massage to get you moaning like that,” Applejack answered, her anger mixed with disgust.
Their argument was interrupted by the sound of Justin retching from behind a different tree. “I’m going back to the library,” they heard Justin say.
“What? Why?” Rainbow asked.
“To see if Twilight can erase my memory,” he replied, still sounding a bit queasy. “And to get me that psychiatrist.”
“What?” Rainbow took flight and followed Justin. “What do you mean, a psychiatrist?
“That’s personal, thank you very much,” Justin replied with more force than he had intended. “And I don’t want to be around you just now. Especially seeing what you were dreaming of...” he muttered as he left Rainbow behind.
“You heard that?”
“I heard enough!” 





Oh god I hope Twilight can get me a psychiatrist. This is not something I want to deal with! God, I thought she didn’t want anything to do with me in that way! Then I hear that! Dammit! I do not need or want those mental images! Get out of my brain! Get out of my brain, dammit!
> What the Heart Wants
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	God god god god god! What the hell!? This world was great! It was peaceful! It was carefree! Now all this crap! 
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHH!





“Justin!” Rainbow slammed her hoof against the door repeatedly, threatening to smash a hole into it.
“Rainbow? What are you doing here?” Twilight stood at the door to the library, staring at the pegasus mare, confused. “It’s not like you to read.”
“I need to talk to Justin,” Rainbow replied.
“Do you know what’s wrong with him?” Twilight asked. “He came in here, yelling something about memory erasure spells and getting a psychiatrist.”
“Just let me talk to him,” the pegasus replied. “It’s kinda urgent.”
“All right then,” Twilight replied warily. As soon as she stepped clear Rainbow flew at top speed for the stairs, the wind from her passing sending papers flying everywhere.
Ignoring the angry yells from below, Rainbow landed lightly in front of the door and knocked. “Unless you’re going to erase the last two hours of my memory, go away!” a muffled yell replied.
Rainbow Dash slowly pushed open the door and peaked into the room. “Justin? Are you okay?”
Justin was lying on the bed face-down, pressing a pillow down to try and shut out the world. “Oh great,” his muffled reply came, “now you’re here to play out your messed-up fantasies.”
Rainbow ignored that and approached the bed. “Can we talk?” There was no reply, so she went on. “I want to say sorry.”
“Why?” Justin asked. “Why deny what the heart wants?” he asked sarcastically. “Why deprive yourself of what your body desires?”
“I shouldn’t think of anypony like that.”
“Last I checked, I wasn’t a pony,” came the muffled reply.
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.” She sighed. “It’s just... I never felt this way about anypony before.”
This was enough to make Justin pull the pillow off his head and look at the mare. “Really?” he asked, disbelieving.
“Yeah. I mean, I’ve had crushes, and one night stands,” she said, waving a hoof. “These feelings are different, though. Around you, I feel kinda... relaxed I guess.”
Justin rolled over and sat up. 
“Everypony I’ve dated before was a jerk. They just wanted to sleep with me. They didn’t want anything else.” Rainbow chuckled. “I guess that’s what I get for dating ponies dumber than me, huh? Can’t believe there were so many of them,” she said, turning her eyes to the ceiling. 
“Rainbow,” Justin said hesitantly. “You’re not stupid. You don’t think before doing things, yeah, but we all do that.”
“Yeah,” Rainbow replied bitterly, “I just don’t think anypony else has stuck their hoof in their mouth as much as I have.”
Justin didn’t really have much of an answer to that, so instead he sighed and looked at the pegasus. “I shouldn’t have gotten so angry, Dash. It’s just...” 
“Just what?” Her ears had perked up and her curiosity was piqued. 
“We’re completely different species. It would never work. Even if something happened, it’d just end in tears.” Justin didn’t really believe everything he was saying, but he didn’t really have to. I just need to convince her, he thought. 
“Hey, I know for a fact that Gilda dated a pegasus a few years back,” Rainbow replied.
“Gilda?” Justin asked.
“Oh, right, you don’t know her. She’s a griffon.” Rainbow jumped onto the bed and lay down on it. 
“Don’t griffons eat ponies?” Justin asked.
“Some of the wilder tribes, yeah. But the rest are civilised enough,” she replied with a hoof-wave. “Doesn’t stop them from being insensitive possessive jerks,” she muttered.
Justin raised an eyebrow but decided to ignore that. “It’s different for me, though. Pegasi have always been, well... mythical. And even then they were just animals.”
“Wait,” Rainbow said, raising a hoof. “You mean we’re just animals to you?”
“No! No!” He could tell that she was getting ready to give him a beating. “It’s just... it’s hard for me to get around what you look like.” He put his head in his hands and groaned. “I’m not explaining myself properly, am I?”
“Justin,” Rainbow said solemnly, “just tell me. Do you like me?”
“I like you a lot! You’re fun, you know how to have a laugh, you...” Justin chuckled at what he was about to say. “You’re the most beautiful pony I know.”
“Really?” Rainbow asked, a little shocked by what he said.
“Yeah,” he answered sadly. “And that’s the problem. You’re a pony.” He sighed as he began to look at the ground. “If you were a human, or if I was a pony, then maybe, y’know? Maybe.”
Rainbow looked at her hooves. “Maybe... maybe Twilight knows a spell. Maybe she can turn me into a human!” Her eyes were shining with optimism at the idea.
“Rainbow, humans don’t have wings. You wouldn’t be able to fly anymore.” Justin absently began to stroke one of them, getting a feel for how each feather felt. “I’m not worth giving that much to anyone. And I don’t plan on giving up my humanity any time soon.”
Rainbow looked at the ground. “So... what?”
“We just have to deal with it, I guess.” Justin wiped away a tear he hadn’t meant to shed. “Not like we can do anything else, really.”
Rainbow stood up and spread her wings, ready to take flight. Before she did, she turned to Justin and lightly kissed him on the cheek. She hovered over to the nearby window and pushed it open. “See ya later, Justin.”
“Rainbow,” he said. The mare turned to him, doing her best to not get her hopes up. “I’m sorry.”
She didn’t answer, instead flying away into the darkening sky towards her cloud home. She hoped that she had taken flight before he could see her tears.





Justin couldn’t get to sleep easily that night. Unlike the previous nights, the reason was different. He looked up at the night sky, watching the skies in an attempt to get his mind elsewhere. Yet no matter what, he kept finding himself thinking about a certain technicolour mare. 
He thought back to what he had said. It had been selfish, self-serving. It had been wrong. “What was I thinking?” he asked to no-one. “I’m such an idiot.”
He continued to watch the sky for some time. He thought back to his meeting with the princess. She had said that her sister Luna was in charge of the night sky and the hours the moon was visible. A thought crossed his mind. “Princess Luna? Can you hear me?” He felt like a child for doing that, but it made him feel a little better.
Some time later, he saw a shooting star. He took a look around, making sure he was alone. ”I wish I could fly with Rainbow Dash,” he whispered.  “I wish...” He bit his lip. “I wish I was a pony.”





Rainbow couldn’t sleep. She had spent hours tossing and turning. She had weather duty in the morning, and was close to losing her pay for the week if she slept in again. 
She gave up and decided it would be better to look at the night sky. She wasn’t one for stargazing, but with rest eluding her she didn’t have many other options. 
The moon was bright enough to illuminate most of Ponyville. The stars shone like the jewels Rarity used on her dresses. It was a beautiful sight. Yet all she could think about was the human who refused to let her into his heart. She could understand his reasoning, but that didn’t stop the pain. It didn’t make it any easier to accept it.
She wasn’t outside for long, heading back inside to escape the night chill. She failed to notice the shooting star streaking across the sky. As she lay down on her bed and succumbed to her exhaustion, she muttered, “I wish he was a pony.”





Twilight Sparkle wasn’t surprised when Justin woke up late the next morning. In truth, she was a little surprised that he woke up as early as he did. At around ten she could hear him yawning in the room she had set aside for him. She heard a loud thud and guessed that he had fallen out of the bed and onto the floor. The muffled “Ow” she heard moments later confirmed her assumption. What she hadn’t expected was a blood-curdling scream and what sounded like scrabbling hooves.
She rushed up to his room and used her magic to fling the door open. She was greeted by a tangle of blankets on the floor and the sounds of Justin struggling to extricate himself. She used her telekinesis and the blanket was bathed in a violet glow as the whole thing was pulled into the air. She had expected Justin to come tumbling out but instead was greeted by a blue-grey pegasus stallion. “Who are you?”
“Did you do this to me?” the stallion asked, sounding hysterical. “Did you do this to me!?”
“Twilight, what’s with all the noise?” Spike had appeared at the door and was looking at the scene within in confusion. “Who’s he?”
The stallion got onto his hooves unsteadily, as though he wasn’t used to them. He lost his balance and wound up lying on his stomach. He looked up at the unicorn, fury burning in his green eyes. “Twilight, what made you think it would be a good idea to turn me into a pony?” he asked.
“Turn you into a...?” Her eyes widened in shock when she realised who she was talking to. “Justin? Is that you?”
“No, I’m Big Macintosh,” Justin replied sarcastically. “Of course it’s me!” He tried to stand up again and had to use his bed for support. “I’ll ask you again: Did you do this to me?”
“N-no! The amount of magic needed to change a living organism into a different one is incredible, and the power needed increases exponentially the heavier the target is,” Twilight explained. “The best I could do is turn a cat into a rabbit.”
Justin blinked. “So... who could have done this, then?”
“Off the top of my head, the only ponies that could have done this are the princesses,” Twilight answered.
“The princesses...” Justin face-hoofed and lost his balance again. “So she was listening,” he muttered from the floor.
“Huh?”
Justin turned to the confused mare. “Last night, I saw a shooting star. I made a wish.”
“You made a wish?” Twilight asked, shocked. “And it was granted?”
“I didn’t think anything would happen.” Justin made to stand up again but ended up with his rump sticking up in the air. “Little help?”





No ending thoughts from Justin this time, folks.
> Twenty Percent Hotter
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Rainbow Dash glided down to the markets. Her usual confidence was missing and it was obvious to everypony. Even though she had turned up for weather duty late, her supervisor simply let her leave without a complaint. It was obvious to him that she was distraught and in no state to work. Rainbow was rarely depressed, and whatever had put her into this state was likely something serious. Maybe speaking to Applejack will make me feel better, she thought to herself.
When she landed, she could see a number of ponies sitting at the cafes of Ponyville. She hadn’t realised that it was lunch time, and decided that seeking out Applejack would be a good way to get food as well.
It didn’t take long to find her, set up at her usual place in the markt. “Howdy, Rainbow,” the farm pony said. “So, how’d that talk go with Justin?”
“It... it went,” the mare replied dourly. 
“Oh no,” Applejack muttered. “What’d he say?”
“He said he likes me,” Rainbow answered.
“So why are ya so depressed?” the farmer asked, eyebrow raised in confusion. “Ain’t that a good thing?”
“He said it won’t work,” she said. “We’re two different species.”
“What should that have ta do with love?” Applejack asked. “If he loves ya, and ya love him, it shouldn't matter what ya are.”
“Do you know what ponies are where he’s from?” The farm pony shook her head. “Nothing but dumb animals.”
“What!?” Applejack yelled out. “Please tell me he don’t see us that way!”
“He doesn’t.” Rainbow sighed. “He just can’t accept how we look. He can’t get over that.”
“Really?” Applejack asked, looking irritated. “That’s his reasonin’?” She shook her head in disgust. “Come with me, Rainbow. Ah’m gonna go talk ta Justin.” She stormed off towards the library, Rainbow following to make sure Applejack didn’t hurt Justin or do something similarly stupid.





“That was easy enough,” Justin said, impressed with himself.
“Now that you can walk, you can focus on flying.”
Twilight and Justin were in the main room of the library. The tables had been moved against the walls and Spike had been given the rest of the day off. Naturally, he had taken the opportunity to sleep.
It had taken about half an hour to get Justin to stand up without losing his balance. From there, walking had taken another hour. Now the blue pegasus could walk on four hooves as though he’d been doing it his whole life.
“Fly?” Justin asked nervously. “Shouldn’t we get another pegasus to help with this?”
“Probably,” Twilight replied thoughtfully. “Maybe Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy can help?”
Justin gave a non-committal grunt. “I s’pose.” In truth, he wasn’t sure he wanted to see Rainbow Dash right now. After his talk with her the previous evening he thought it best to give her some space.
His thoughts were interrupted when something began pounding on the door. “Twilight! Open up!” Applejack’s voice yelled. “Ah need ta speak ta Justin!”
“Er, now’s not a good time,” Twilight called back when she saw Justin’s panicked expression.
“Dangit, Twi! Either this door opens or Ah break it open!”
“Okay, okay!” Twilight opened the door with her magic, revealing a very irate farm pony.
“Now where the hay is Justin?” Applejack said as calmly as she could. Behind her stood Rainbow Dash, looking very worried. The farmer stomped in, ignoring Justin and looking around. 
Twilight approached her other friend. “Why didn’t you stop her?” she whispered.
“You know what she’s like when this happens,” she whispered back. “You can’t stop her. Remember the last Applebuck Season?”
“You! Ya seen Justin?” Applejack shouted at Justin, pointing a hoof at him.
“What? Me? No, I don’t even know who you’re talking about,” Justin said as calmly as he could.
Applejack glared at him before turning away. “Twi, who is this?”
“Well, you see...” Before Twilight could get any further, Rainbow stepped into the library, looking at the other pegasus. Without warning his wings shot up, fully erect.
“Hey, Twilight, who’s the stud?” she asked, nudging Twilight in the ribs.
Justin face-hoofed and groaned. “Rainbow, you did not just call me that!”
The pegasus mare stared at the stallion, eyes narrowed in suspicion. “How do you know my name?” she asked.
“He sounds mighty familiar.” Applejack’s eyes had narrowed as well, and she was staring at the stallion as well.
Rainbow sniffed the air as she approached the stallion. “Smells familiar, too.”
Justin took a few steps back. Because he was still face-hoofing, he ended up landing on his face the moment he lifted his other front leg. “Ow.”
“Rainbow, that’s kinda creepy,” Applejack said, an eyebrow raised at her friend.
“I mean it,” she replied, not caring for the odd looks she was getting. “He smells... nice.”
“Thank you,” Justin replied slowly, not sure how to take it. He stood up again and pushed past the mares. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get going.” He noticed that his wings were unfurled and he tried to push them back down. 
“Now hold on there,” Applejack said, putting a hoof in his path. “Twilight, who is this fella?” she asked, turning to the unicorn mare.
“I’m Justin!” he shouted out, annoyed at how the conversation was going.
“You!” Applejack yelled out suddenly. “Ya went and broke Rainbow’s heart, ya know that!?”
“What!?” the other three ponies shouted in unison.
“He didn’t do anything like that!” Rainbow yelled angrily.
“Where did you get that idea from!?” Justin asked, equally angry.
“Will somepony please tell me what is going on?” a confused Twilight Sparkle asked.
“Rainbow, Applejack, I woke up this morning like this. I don’t know ‘why’, but I can guess the ‘how’.” Justin had calmed down and was speaking with a normal voice again. “I’ have to remember not to wish on a shooting star again,” he said with a sarcastic chuckle.
“Wait, a shooting star?” Rainbow asked. “I thought that was just a story.”
“So did Ah,” Applejack said. 
“Look at me and tell me it isn’t.”
“Ah am. And Ah have ta admit, ya look real handsome.”
“Oh please, not you too.” Justin looked at the farmer pleadingly, trying to find out if she was joking.
“Nice cutie mark,” Rainbow remarked, pointing at Justin’s flank.
“Huh?” He turned to get a better look and saw an envelope with wings. “That’s kinda cool.”
“So Ah take it ya’ll gonna be a mailpony then?”
“A mailpony? What?”
“Yer cutie mark,” Applejack said as though it explained everything.
“Okay, can one of you please explain the significance of these things?”
“You mean you don’t know?” Twilight asked, a little surprised. 
“Here we go,” Rainbow muttered with an eye-roll.
“A pony’s cutie mark represents their special talent, the one thing they can do better than anypony else. Mine is magic, which means I can do almost anything.”
“Mine is anythin’ to do with apples.”
“And mine is speed!” Rainbow said proudly, hovering and putting a hoof to her chest. “No surprise that I’m the fastest pony in Equestria!”
“Uh-huh,” Justin replied skeptically. “So they tell you what to do with your life?”
“No,” Twilight replied a little haughtily. “They just tell you what you’ll excel at.”
“So I’m gonna be brilliant at delivering pony’s mail? That’s it?” Justin was disappointed. His special talent was so... mundane. 
“Whaddya mean ‘that’s it’?” Applejack asked, a little annoyed. “How do ya know ya won’t enjoy it?”
“Because the last job I did before I wound up in Equestria, before I woke up as a pony, was as a courier. Somepony who delivered packages and letters.” Justin blinked. “Did I just say ‘somepony’?”
“And you didn’t enjoy that?” Rainbow asked, a little confused.
“Would you?”
“Yeah! I mean, flying around all day, only stopping every now and then to put things in mailboxes? What’s not to love?”
Justin opened his mouth to argue, but stopped. Now that he thought about it properly, he realised it wasn’t the job he hated. It was the people he had to work with. They were all petty, self-centered sad-acts who would happily rip open a package if they thought they could sell the contents scot-free. He was the only one with morals, even when doing as they did would have helped. Even worse were the ones in charge: penny-pinching, arrogant and more than happy to fire anyone who they thought was conspiring against them.
He closed his mouth and cleared his throat. “Okay, I’ll give it a shot. Hopefully whoever’s in charge here is nice.”
“Can you fly?” Rainbow asked.
There was a small silence. “I don’t know,” Justin replied. He willed his wings to unfurl but only made them twitch. 
Rainbow began to chuckle and turned around, giving him a clear view of her flank. Justin’s wings unfurled rapidly and, with a quiet pomf, they were fully erect in less than a second. When she turned around, she saw that he at least had the decency to be blushing.
“His wings popped up when he took a look at yer flank,” Applejack said, confirming the pegasus’ suspicions.
“Oh really?” Rainbow’s eyes narrowed in a fashion that scared Justin. She trotted closer and, wearing a sultry smile, gazed into his eyes. He pulled a very impressive impersonation of the Royal Pegasus Guards, causing a change in strategy.
He had forced his mind to go completely blank, but he couldn’t distract himself from the feeling of a technicolour tail brushing against his face. He turned even redder and tried not to breath in. Rainbow increased the strength behind her actions, forcing Justin to breath in. The scent of some beautiful flower almost made him faint but he remained conscious.
Rainbow kept this up, her friends watching in silent confusion (and in Applejack’s case; disapproval) until Justin suddenly collapsed. This made her stop. “Ohmygosh, is he okay?” she asked, rushing to his side, rolling him onto his back. His wings had gone limp and his tongue was lolling about like a dead fish.
“Rainbow, Ah think ya gone and broke him.” Applejack pushed her hat over her eyes and sighed. “What in tarnation were ya thinkin’, anyway?”
“I just thought it would be funny,” Rainbow said. “I didn’t think he’d faint.”
“Well, he wasn’t breathing,” Twilight said. “Why did he stop breathing, anyway?” Her friends looked at her with raised eyebrows and expressions that asked if she was being serious. “What?”





The "Justin's Thoughts" thing will be missing for the time being. This may be a permanent change. I don't know yet. Wait and see...
> Learning the Ropes
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Justin found himself looking at the floor. He blinked and frowned, trying to clear his thoughts and figure out how he ended up there. After a moment it came to him. “Stupid sexy Rainbow,” he muttered as he pushed himself onto his hooves. 
He looked around and saw that he was alone. He went to the door and saw the three mares leaving for somewhere. “Hey! Wait up!”
Twilight turned around and saw a stallion galloping towards them. “Oh! I didn’t think you’d wake up any time soon.”
“So you left me on the floor?” Justin asked, irritated.
“Hey, yer a big boy, ya woulda managed,” Applejack responded, giving him a playful jab.
“Yeah, I would have,” Justin replied. “I still don’t appreciate being left there.”
“Hey, uh, Justin?” He turned and saw Rainbow rubbing the back of her neck, an apologetic expression on her face. “Sorry.”
“I should hope so.”
“Hey, I didn’t think you’d faint!”
“How else was I meant to react? You went and  -” The moment he started thinking about it his wings popped up. Rainbow and Applejack snickered behind their hooves while Justin groaned. “If this happens every time...” he muttered angrily as he pushed them back down.
“Why does that keep happening?” Twilight asked, head tilted quizzically.
The other three looked at each other. “Not the kind of thing I want to explain in public,” Justin said quietly.
“Yeah, it’s kinda... private,” Rainbow added.
“Ya really don’t know why that’s been happenin’?” Applejack asked, her own head titled in confusion. “Ah mean, really?”
“Should I?” Twilight asked, looking between her friends.
“Probably,” Justin said. “How old are you?”
“Twenty-one,” Twilight said quickly.
“Really? Twenty-one and you don’t know about - ?” Rainbow didn’t get any further thanks to the orange hoof seemingly materializing in her mouth.
“Ah’ll take her and explain things,” Applejack said, leading Twilight away. “You two have fun!”
Justin took a moment to fully comprehend what she had just said. Then he began to (under the surface) enter a full-blown panic. Nopony could tell though, as the only noticeable sign was that he was breathing faster.
“So, you want to learn to fly now?” Rainbow asked, oblivious to his mental state. What she didn’t know was that that question had calmed him immensely, simply because she hadn’t jumped at the other alternative.
“I suppose,” Justin said, looking at the sky and seeing that the sun was still high in the air. “How long was I out?” he asked shielding his eyes from the sun’s glare.
“About ten minutes,” Rainbow answered, glaring at the sky. “Somepony was meant to make sure we had cloud cover today.”
It took Justin a moment to realise that she was referring to her weather duties. “Oh. Right.” At that moment his stomach began to growl like a beast.
Rainbow laughed as he blushed. “That was loud!” she exclaimed. Then her stomach growled just as loud, making her blush and giving Justin a reason to chuckle. “Let’s get some lunch,” she said, trying to cover the awkwardness of the situation.
She led the way towards a small cafe and took a seat at an empty table, Justin sitting on his haunches across from her on the small stool provided. “What are you getting?” she asked.
“Uhh...” Justin stared blankly at the mare for a moment. “I don’t know.” 
“Well I’m getting a daisy sandwich and hay fries,” Rainbow said, looking around for somepony to take her order.
“Hay fries?” Before he could ask, a creamed-coloured earth pony with a slicked back, glossy blue mane and a tiny pencil mustache came up to the table. Justin couldn’t help but wonder where one could obtain a bow tie like the one he was wearing.
“What will you to be having today?” he asked cordially.
“I’ll have the daisy sandwich and some hay fries,” Rainbow said.
“Very good. And you, sir?”
“Uhh...” Justin cleared his throat. “I’ll have what she’s having.”
As the waiter walked away, Rainbow scowled at Justin. “Not exactly subtle, are you?”
“Huh?”
“Getting the same food as me? That’s the worst move in the book.”
Justin raised a hoof. “Hey, first off; I have no idea what’s good here. And secondly; do you read books?”
“Of course I read books!” Rainbow retorted angrily. She then frowned and reached across the table to slap the stupid smile off of Justin’s face. “That wasn’t very nice,” she said.
“Neither was what you did before,” he replied, being as vague as possible to save himself any embarrassment. 
“Hey, any other stallion would have loved what I did to you.”
“I’m not like ‘other stallions’, Dash.” He sighed. “Up here,” he tapped the side of his head with a hoof, “I still feel human. Walking around on hooves is weird. So is not having hands.”
“Huh.” Rainbow wasn’t sure how to counter that. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for some time before she spoke again. “You still need to learn to fly.”
“I never said I didn’t.”
They fell into silence again, neither of them opening their mouths until their lunch arrived.
Justin stared at his sandwich and fries, not sure what to think. It looked perfectly appetizing, despite the clearly-visible flowers and the smell of a garden. He looked up and saw Rainbow eating her meal with gusto. Deciding to ‘do as the Romans do’, he leaned over and took a bite of the sandwich.
He was surprised. The flowers in the sandwich were sweet, but not overly so. Whatever else was in there complimented them well, making the sandwich hard to put down. He managed to do so long enough to grab a mouthful of the hay fries. They were crispy and, for a reason he couldn’t identify, delicious. He stopped eating and stared at his meal. Rainbow noticed this and looked at him.
“You okay?” she asked.
“How is this so good?” Justin kept staring at his lunch. “I mean, this is just flowers in between some bread and dried grass that’s been fried.” He dove into his plate and took another bite of hay fries. “So why does this taste like the best thing I’ve ever eaten?”
Rainbow watched as he tore into his meal with incredible ferocity. Shrugging, she returned to her lunch and finished it. 





“Ready to fly?”
Rainbow had led Justin to the lake outside Ponyville. There wasn’t anypony else around who might see them, which meant Justin wouldn’t embarrass himself as badly.
“Yeah but...” Justin glanced at the lake uneasily. “Do we have to do this here?”
“Would you rather have a dirt lunch every time you mess up?” Rainbow asked, unamused.
Justin’s complaints stopped at that. “Point taken,” he replied.
Satisfied, Rainbow smiled and stood facing him. “Okay, first thing you need is to get those wings spread out.”
Justin stared at them. “How do I do that?”
Rainbow was dumbfounded by the question. “What do you mean, how do you do that? You just do it!”
“I’m sorry, I’m used to having four limbs, not six,” Justin replied coldly. “And I used to walk on two legs, not four.”
Rainbow groaned. “Just imagine they’re your arms or something, I don’t know.”
“Rainbow, my arms are now my legs,” he retorted. He couldn’t help but admit that there was some logic to what she had said, though. He knew that the structure of the wing was similar to that of an arm. Using that idea, he tried to move his arms while not moving his arms. 
His wings opened, slowly at first before extending to reveal their full majesty. 
Rainbow nodded, impressed. “Nice,” she said as Justin moved his wings about experimentally. 
“This is cool,” he said.
“Well duh,” Rainbow replied with a laugh. “Now lets see you get airborne!” she exclaimed as she flapped her wings and jumped. Justin attempted to imitate the action but instead ended up face-first on the ground. 
“Wow,” Rainbow said from her vantage point. “That was the fastest crash-landing ever. Of all time,” she commented.
Justin picked himself up and spat out a mouthful of dirt. “I thought you were meant to be helping me,” he said as he scraped at his tongue with a hoof.
“Maybe try flapping your wings?” she suggested, clearly not amused by his attitude.
Justin jumped again, this time consciously forcing himself to flap his wings. He managed to hover about five feet above the ground, but this simple act was enough to scare him. His wings locked and he fell the short distance back to the ground, landing in an unceremonious heap. “Ow.”
“Well, that was an improvement,” Rainbow said uneasily. “You still crashed, though.”
“Why thank you, Captain Obvious: Protector of Things We Already Know,” Justin muttered angrily through gritted teeth. He picked himself up and tried again, this time managing to override the fear reaction. 
“How’s that?” he asked smugly.
“Not bad,” Rainbow said. “Now you’re at the same level as a five year old.”
“What?” Justin asked, distraught. “Really?”
“Nah, more like a ten year old,” she replied with a wave of a hoof. “Most ten year olds can actually move forwards, though.”
“Oh,” Justin replied, hanging limply in mid-air. “How do I do that?”
Rainbow then proceeded to explain to him the intricacies of flight, sticking with the basics until she was sure that he understood everything. When he attempted to put all that into practice, the end result was him landing face-first and swallowing a large clump of dirt. Rainbow simply face-hoofed and shook her head as he coughed so loudly it seemed his lungs were going to shoot out of his mouth.




“Oh wow, are you okay?” Twilight asked Justin as he walked in.
“Do I look okay to you?” he asked aggressively. His face was covered in dirt and one of his eyes was swollen shut from when he’d landed on a rock. There was grass in his mane and the feathers on his wings were messed up, some of them sticking out at odd angles. “Learning to fly hurts.”
“Oh man, I’m gonna have to go through that,” Spike moaned. 
“No need to get angry,” Twilight said, a little taken aback. “I’ll get a bath running for you.”
“Thank you. And sorry, Twilight.” He sighed. “I just feel so angry right now.”
“Why?” Spike asked.
“Because, short stuff, I’m a pegasus. And a pegasus that can’t fly is like a dragon without scales,” Justin replied.
“Hey! Don’t call me short!”
“I’ll stop calling you that when you start growing,” Justin replied, prodding the dragon with his hoof. “Shorty,” he said playfully.
Spike retaliated by jumping on Justin’s back and grabbing his mane. He pulled hard, making the stallion rear up in surprise. “Hyar!” the dragon shouted.
“Get off me!” Justin shouted. “Get off!”
Twilight poked her head in from the bathroom and stared at the unfolding chaos in confusion. There was Justin, bucking around like a rodeo bull with Spike hanging onto his mane and having the time of his life. As she watched they slammed into one of the shelves, sending a dozen books to the floor, where they joined countless others. Suddenly they were both wrapped in a telekinetic glow as Twilight stopped them. “What the hay is going on?”
“He called me short!” Spike responded.
“Well he is!” Justin retaliated. “Look at him!”
Twilight’s shoulders slumped as she groaned. “You’re both going to help me clean this place up,” she said as she let them go. “Now,” she said forcefully enough to make them both cringe.
> Unplanned Visit
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“This is hard, y’know that?”
“You have to know how to write.”
“I can write just fine. I’m just not used to using my mouth to hold things.”
“Well, it’s not like you have magic.”
“Don’t remind me.”
Justin was relearning how to write with his new body. It was frustrating, and more than a little humiliating. Even though Twilight had explained to him that ponies without magic had to hold pens in their mouths to write with, he couldn’t shake the feeling he was being fooled. He picked up the pencil again and, in what could only be described as a childish scrawl, managed to write “My name is Justin.” Due to his lack of experience, it ended up looking like “My nAmE iS JUStIn.”
“Well, that’s certainly an improvement,” Twilight said, looking over his shoulder.
“Can I stop now?” Justin asked, poking his tongue out. “All I can taste it wood and graphite.”
“You’ve only been doing this for an hour,” Twilight chided. 
“And I’ve made a lot of progress,” he answered. “Besides, my wings are aching and I need to stretch them.
“Okay, now I know you’re lying.” Twilight took another piece of paper and levitated it in front of him, setting it down on the table. “Now try again. This time only use capitals where you need to.”
“No. I’ve had enough for now.” Justin stood up and ruffled his wings. “I’m going. See ya later.” Before Twilight had a chance to react he galloped out of the library and disappeared into the crowd in the markets.
After fleeing the library, he made his way to Applejack’s stall. “Howdy, Justin!” the farmer exclaimed loudly.
“Hey, AJ,” the pegasus responded. “Have you seen Rainbow?”
“Can’t say Ah have. Knowin’ her, she’s probably sleepin’ on a cloud somewhere.”
“Ah.” Justin pouted and turned skywards. “Well that’s great,” he said bitterly.
“Whassa matter?” Applejack asked, head tilted in curiosity. 
“I... still haven’t figured out flight yet,” he muttered, blushing from embarrassment.
“Really?” Applejack gave him a concerned look. “Y’all have been at it a whole week, ain’tcha?”
“Yeah.” Justin sighed. “I feel like a failure,” he said, looking at his hooves.
“Hey, don’t be so glum now. Maybe ya just need the right motivation?” Applejack suggested.
“Like what?”
“Well...” Applejack rubbed her chin with a hoof. “If ya could fly, ya could spend time with Rainbow in her cloud house. Ya think of that?”
Justin closed one eye as he tried to suppress a number of mental images. “I’m not sure I should,” he said as calmly as he could.
Applejack laughed. “Well, there’s yer motivation! Now get goin’, you.”
As Justin walked off with no particular goal in mind, he thought about what the farmer had said. True, he would like to spend more with the mare. And he still hadn’t walked on clouds yet; something he was intent on accomplishing. He knew Fluttershy didn’t mind not flying, but that was her. She needed to be at ground level to do her job. If he was going to get a job as a mail-pony he would have to get the hang of flight. Preferably sooner than later.
He looked around and realised his hooves had carried him to one of the parks outside Ponyville. He wasn’t sure which one, but in the skies above he could see what looked like a palace made entirely of clouds. He knew Rainbow lived in the clouds, and it seemed just like her to let her ego get the better of her and make something like this.
He willed his wings to unfurl and flapped furiously. He managed to get about 50 yards into the air before the fear reaction kicked in. This was the main reason he had had so much trouble flying. Every time he tried to get any higher his wings would lock and he would plummet, typically landing face-first. When he thought about it, he noticed that Equestria seemed to enjoy comical injuries over anything actually serious. As such, he was too focused on staying airborne for any serious amount of time.
This time, he pushed himself upwards, blocking out his fear that he was up high with the thought of giving Rainbow a pleasant surprise. Before long he was level with the cloud house.
He couldn’t help but marvel at how grandiose her home was. He knew Rainbow’s sense of self was incredible, but even this seemed like overkill. The building consisted of multiple rainbow-coloured waterfalls, great pillars that he could only think of as being Roman or Greek in design, and three stories tall. 
“Wow,” he muttered.
He increased his altitude slightly and tipped himself forwards to get himself onto the unnecessary winding path. He overestimated how much he had to alter his center of gravity and ended up with a mouthful of cloud, landing with a muted pomf.
He pulled his face out of the cloud and saw that he had survived the journey. Letting out a celebratory whoop, he went to the door and raised a hoof to knock it. Before he could, he stopped to think how there was a door, whether it was solid and even if it was whether or not it would make any sound. Eventually he put his hoof against it and pushed. It slowly swung open without a sound, letting Justin see the interior. Quite simply, it was a mess. There were magazines lying around on the floor and what looked like a pizza box on what could have been a couch (he wasn’t sure because it was white and so was the rest of the room). All in all, it reminded him a lot of his apartment. The only thing that was missing was the mountain of dirty clothes in one of the room’s corners.
He stepped inside, and made his way to the staircase at the end of the room. He wasn’t sure if he should continue, but he did anyways. The pegasus glanced at one of the magazines strewn across a table and did a double take. He looked at it properly, his jaw dropping when he realised what kind of magazine it was. He couldn’t believe that there were magazines like that in a world that seemed so... pleasant. Wrenching his eyes away and trying to forget what he had seen, he went up the stairs.
The next floor was a kitchen. At least, he thought it was a kitchen. The general state of the place was appalling, and that was putting it nicely. The smell of long-since expired foodstuff, unwashed dishes, and other things he didn’t want to think about lingered. He saw what he hoped had once been a head of lettuce: now, it looked more like a small... thing of green and brown sludge. He stepped gingerly around the mess and proceeded up to the third story.
There, Rainbow was sleeping on a fluffed-up cloud: one leg dangling off, wings up, muttering in her sleep. On the wall was a poster of a group of jumpsuited ponies standing in a heroic pose. He remembered her mentioning something called the Wonderbolts earlier in the week and reasoned that the picture was of them. The bedroom looked as though a bomb had hit it. The only thing about it that was neat was the bed that the mare was lying on. Everything else was scattered without a second thought all over the place.
He jumped when Rainbow let out what seemed like a scream. Thinking he was in trouble he prepared himself to leap out of the nearest window. He sighed in relief when he realised that she was still sleeping. He was a little worried that she had screamed and walked closer, making sure to avoid the debris, concerned that she was having a nightmare.
“Ohh, Justin, don’t stop,” he heard her mutter in her sleep. He blushed redder than Big Macintosh’s coat as it dawned that it hadn’t been a scream of terror but a squeal of pleasure. He decided that showing himself out was the best thing to do.
As he edged closer to the stairs he tried to block out what he was hearing. “Oooh yeah,” the mare moaned. Justin had to hold back a groan. He still couldn’t believe that in a world that seemed so innocent such thoughts could exist. His wings popped up with a pomf.
Rainbow let out another squeal. “Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh.” Justin shoved a hoof in his mouth to stop himself from letting out a frightened squeal. Not only would the sound have woken her, he considered himself too much of a gentlecolt to do such a thing.
“Yes! Yes!” she screamed. He turned around and saw her face twisted in ecstasy. Justin leaned back, scared. What if she woke up? How would he explain his presence? He had to get out, and he had to get out now. He stepped backwards carefully, trying to get away without getting caught.
He was almost to the stairs when a second scream made him jump with a yelp. Before he knew it he was in the kitchen on his stomach with a colander on his head and a hoof in some unidentifiable pile of sludge.
“What!? Who’s there!?” he heard from above. He stood up and made a dash for the stairs downstairs but was instead greeted by a set of very angry  magenta eyes. 
“Oh, hey Rainbow,” Justin said as innocently as possible.
“Why are you in my house?” she asked savagely, stepping forward with each word, backing the terrified stallion into a corner.
“I-I-I just wanted to visit!” he admitted. “The door was open, and -”
“That doesn’t mean you can just walk in to somepony’s house!” she yelled, spraying him with spit. For some reason a small part of Justin’s mind registered that Rainbow was cute when she was angry.
Instead of responding, he curled up into a ball and tried to make himself as small as possible. Rainbow Dash was terrifying him right now. “Please don’t hurt me,” he whimpered. He closed his eyes and covered his head with his forelegs, expecting a rain of hooves to come down to try and knock him senseless. 
He looked up when he heard laughter and saw Rainbow rolling around on the floor, laughing so hard she had trouble breathing. “That... that was hilarious,” she wheezed.
“What?”
Rainbow stopped laughing and picked herself up, still smiling as wide as Pinkie Pie. “I saw you coming, and I just had to do something.”
Justin pushed himself up and glared at the mare. “So you thought it would be funny to let me think I walked in on you having that sort of dream?” he asked. The moment his mind wandered in that direction his wings popped up again. “I swear, I will start strapping these things down.”
“You don’t wanna do that,” Rainbow cautioned. “It’s not good for them.”
“And how do you know that?” Justin asked, eyebrow raised, mild disgust written on his face.
“I got into a bet with AJ that I could beat her in a hoof-race. She tied my wings down so I couldn’t cheat,” she explained. “It is not what you were thinking,” she stated forcefully.
Justin didn’t respond to that, instead opting to sling the sludge covering his hoof at her. It caught her right in the mouth, wiping the smile off her face.
“Blegh!” she exclaimed, spitting out the foul tasting thing. “What was that for?”
“For playing such a horrible prank,” Justin answered calmly. He ducked as she tossed the remnants of a cabbage at his head and began to laugh. “Missed me!” He stood up and jumped out the nearest window.
“Get back here!” she yelled as he flew off.
It took him a moment to realise what he was doing. “Holy crap! I’m flying!”





Author's note:
This chapter very nearly took a different turn. It would have involved the relationship progressing faster than would be considered healthy, that's all I will say. Also, it would have been creepier than Discord wearing a Mankini.
> What's In A Name?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Justin’s euphoria at finally achieving what he had worried was impossible was short-lived. Rainbow Dash had taken pursuit and had caught up to him in a matter of moments. “So you think you’re funny?” she asked, a rather mean smile on her face. Justin saw this and pushed himself harder, almost doubling his speed. He turned and almost fell out of the sky when he saw what was happening behind him. 
Rainbow was flying in the face of physics; defying everything Justin had thought was possible. She was on her back, kicking with her hind legs and swinging her forelegs in circular motions. And worst of all, her wings were barely flapping and she was still gaining on Justin.
“How...?” he asked quietly, trying to wrap his mind around what he was seeing. He turned back around just in time to see a great white expanse fill his sight. He let out a short scream as he tried to slow himself down in time to swerve around or stop, but it was too late. With a rather loud foompf his head disappeared into the cloud, leaving the rest of his body sticking out like the world’s strangest pinata.
Rainbow hovered next to him and laughed until her lungs felt as though they would burst. Justin simply hung there limply after trying (and failing) to remove himself from his fluffy prison. Eventually, it struck him that asking for help would be a good idea. “A ritull herlf?” Rainbow failed to hear him, forcing him to yell louder. “A ritull herlf!?”
Rainbow had calmed down enough at that point to notice his cries for help. “You... you need me to pull you out?” she asked, stifling a number of giggles.
“Yeph!” he replied. Rainbow didn’t help immediately, though. Instead she stared at his flank for a few moments, taking time to admire it. After about half a minute, she grabbed hold of his tail in her mouth and pulled. He came out with a yelp and begun flapping his wings instinctively when he saw how high up he was. “Holy hay!” he exclaimed.
Rainbow spat out his tail. “When was the last time you washed that thing?”
“When was the last time I fell in the lake?” he responded conversationally.
“Yesterday.”
“Yesterday, then.” Justin spun around and looked at his tail. “Do you have any idea how weird that felt?” he asked, rubbing his flank.
“What? It’s not like I pulled too hard,” the technicolour mare replied indignantly.
“No, it’s just...” Justin frowned as he tried to come up with the right words. “I dunno. Still not used to having a tail, I guess.”
“How are you coping so well?” Rainbow asked, crossing her forelegs over her chest.
Justin shrugged, his legs hanging limply beneath him. “I just try not to think about it.”
“Really?” she asked, eyebrow raised in disbelief.
“Let’s see you cope this well after waking up with a completely different body,” he countered, jabbing a hoof at her.
“You know what I think?” she asked him, flying closer. “You were always a pegasus.”
“Uhh... what?”
“Yeah,” she replied drifting closer. “Why else did I like you so much before?”
“Uhh...” Justin’s field of view consisted only of Rainbow’s face, making him feel a little nervous. The last time he had been this close to her she had stuck her tongue down his throat. His face turned red as he stared into her eyes. His mouth hung open loosely, giving her the means to press her lips against his.
He found himself locked in a passionate kiss. Unlike the last time, he kissed back. Soon they were embracing each other with their forehooves in mid-air, still locked ate the mouth. It wasn’t long, however, before he pulled away (much to Rainbow’s disappointment). 
“Is something wrong?”
“No, it’s just...” He pulled himself out of the hug, giving himself time to think. “If we’re gonna do this, then we should do it right.”
“Whaddya mean?” Rainbow asked, head titled to one side.
Justin took a deep breath. “Do you... do you want to...?” he trailed off into silence, doing hs best Fluttershy impersonation.
“Do I wanna what?” Rainbow asked, even though she had a good idea what was coming.
“Doyouwanttogooutwithme!?” he blurted out in an instant.
“Come again?” She smiled at him, thinking it was cute when he was panicky.
He took another breath and tried again. “Do you want to go out with me?” he asked slowly, taking care to enunciate each word carefully.
Rainbow was touched, but a part of her just couldn’t resist. “I dunno,” she replied wryly, rubbing her chin with a hoof. “I’ll have to think about it.”
He just stared at her slack-jawed. “Oh come on!” Justin asked angrily. He could tell that she was teasing him, and it was not helping his mood. “You tease me for a whole week, and now this?”
“No!” Rainbow replied. “Well, yes,” she admitted. “But I haven’t been on a date in a long time. So I could really use time to prepare.” She raised an eyebrow. “How do you plan on paying for a date, anyways?”
“Uhh...” Justin had never thought of that. He hadn’t thought about anything other than asking her out.
“Maybe you should get a job?” she suggested.
“Well, I’ve got the hang of flight...” The only reason that he had put off searching for employment was his lack of mastery of the most basic of pegasus abilities. Now that he could fly with apparent ease, nothing was hindering him. “Okay then.” He looked down, surprised at how small everything seemed. “Wow. So, which way to the post office?”
“Follow me.” She pointed her nose down and descended at great speed. Justin gulped and did his best to follow. Much to his surprise and glee, the controlled descent was incredibly exhilarating. He got so lost in the feeling that he failed to pull up in time and crashed face-first into the ground at high speed, fast enough to leave a small crater. 
“Are you okay?” Rainbow asked; hovering over him with a concerned look on her face.
“Mummy, I want some chocolate,” he replied as though in a dream, his pupils spinning in different directions in a comical fashion. Rainbow landed and shook the stallion, who returned to a normal mental state almost immediately. “Ow... my head,” he muttered, rubbing the area that had taken the brunt of his crash-landing.
“You need to work on your landings,” Rainbow pointed out.
“You like pointing out the obvious, don’t you?” he asked as he pulled himself out of the hole he had made.
Rainbow shrugged as she took to the air again. “Come on, Just-” She stopped herself mid-sentence, suddenly struck by a thought. “Huh,” she muttered pensively.
“What is it?”
“You need a name,” she said.
“Uhh, Rainbow, I already have a name,” he replied, confused.
“I mean a pony name. ‘Justin’ is kinda... y’know... weird.”
Justin paused, not having thought much about it. “That’s... a good point. Any ideas?”
“Most pegasi have names that have to do with the weather. Then again, most of them end up working in the Weather Factory in Cloudsdale.” Rainbow rested her chin on a hoof, going deep in thought. “Your cutie mark is to do with delivering mail so...”
“So a name that fits would be a good idea,” Justin concluded. They both fell silent as they tried to come up with ideas. “How about Special Delivery?” Justin asked.
“Nah, that sounds kinda...” Rainbow pulled a face as she tried to find the right words. “Just no,” she said, giving up. “I got nothing, though.”
“Post Haste?” Justin suggested. 
“Post Haste? That sounds...” Rainbow thought about it for a moment. “That actually sounds pretty good. I might call you ‘Postie’ for short,” she said playfully.
“Great! From today, I am no longer Justin! I am Post Haste!” Justin stood in an overly-dramatic stance, causing his potential fillyfriend to start giggling. “What? I’ve always wanted to do something like that,” he said in response to her amusement.
“Come on, you. I’ll have to introduce you to Ditzy.”
“Who?” the stallion asked as he followed.
“She’s in charge of the post office here.” Before long they had made it to a building that was indistinguishable from any other in Ponyville; the only defining feature was the sign above the door with the winged scroll painted on it with the letters “R.E.P.S” underneath. 
“It stands for Royal Equestria Postal Service,” Rainbow explained as she pushed open the door, causing a small bell to ring.
“One moment!” a voice called out. As they waited, Post Haste took a look around. On the counter was what he could only think of as an old-fashioned cash register and a messy pile of paper, along with a few slightly chewed pens. There were also a series of envelopes in nooks on the wall behind it, along with a set of saddlebags stuffed with mail on a hook. 
A grey pegasus with a blond mane and tail with a set of several bubbles for a cutie mark stepped out from a back room, looking haggard and irritated. “Hey, Rainbow,” Ditzy said as cordially as she could manage. “Who’s this?”
“Y’know how you’ve been needing help around here for months?” the technicolour mare asked. Ditzy nodded slowly, not entirely sure where this was going. “Well, I found somepony!” She nudged Post in the ribs, at which he stepped forwards.
“Er, hi.” Post tried to look her in the eyes, but it was kind of difficult when one of them was staring at something on the ceiling. “I’m Post Haste.” His new name still felt a little odd on his tongue, but he was sure that he would get used to it soon enough.
“Hmm...” Ditzy stepped around the counter and began to scrutinize him carefully. She inspected every inch of his body, causing him to start feeling a little disturbed by her behaviour. Without warning, she started barking questions at him. “Do you have what it takes to be a royal mailpony? Can your body take the stresses of constant physical exertion while carrying saddlebags loaded with over twenty pounds of mail? Are you willing to fly through storms and blizzards to make sure that everypony gets their mail, regardless of the risk to your own health and well-being?” The questions were asked in such a way that it honestly scared Post Haste, quite the achievement as he was about a good head taller than Ditzy.
“Ditzy, stop that. You’re scaring him.” Rainbow jabbed the other pegasus none-too-kindly.
“I know,” the grey mare replied, smiling. “I just wanted to mess with him.”
Post Haste simply stared at her for a moment. “Does everypony have a slightly messed up sense of humour here or something?” he asked nopony in particular.
“No, we just like messing with you,” Rainbow replied.
“So you really want a job here?” Ditzy asked, her expression warm and friendly.
“Yeah, I s’pose.”
“Another set of hooves here will make things so much easier,” the mailmare responded. “I mean, my talent is wrapping stuff up for delivery, not the actual delivery part. With somepony taking care of that, I might be able to make some headway in the -” Suddenly the sound of multiple pops got her attention. “Dinky! Stop playing with the bubble wrap! Mummy needs that!”
“Awww!” a grey unicorn filly stepped out, a large piece of bubble wrap stuck to her head with tape. “But I’m bored!”
“I know, muffin, but Mummy has to work.” Ditzy leaned down and grabbed the bubble wrap, pulling it off. “I’ll take you to Sugarcube Corner afterwards, okay?”
“Okay!” Dinky bounced off back into the back room, where more popping could be heard. 
Ditzy sighed. “So, are you serious about wanting to work here?” she asked Post Haste again.
“Yes I am,” he replied confidently.
“Then welcome aboard.” She stuck out her hoof for him to shake. He stared at it for a moment before deciding to throw logic to the wind and shake it anyways.





Author's note:
The character is now Post Haste. That is his pony name, and it shall be his only name. Understood?
> Rainbows and Diamonds Don't Mix
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“It’s about time!”  an angry Pinkie Pie exclaimed.
“Uh, what?” Rainbow Dash asked, confused.
Shortly after Post Haste had gotten his first job in Equestria, he and Rainbow had gone to Sugarcube Corner for lunch and to see Pinkie. 
“What are you talking about?” Postie asked, head tilted in confusion.
“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting?”
“Waiting for what?” Rainbow asked again, raising an eyebrow.
“For the story to shift!”
“Story?” Postie asked. 
“Pinkie Pie, you just keep getting randomer and randomer.”
“That’s not even a word, silly,” Pinkie replied.
“How can you be sure of that?” Postie asked.
“Well, duh! Because the word is marked as incorrect in the document,” the pink pony replied as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
The two pegasi stared at the party mare in stunned silence. “What the hay is she talking about?” Rainbow asked.
“I have absolutely no idea,” Postie replied uneasily (and not completely truthfully).
“You want some cupcakes?” Pinkie asked, pushing a tray into the winged ponies’ faces, having completely forgotten what she had been saying.
“Uh, sure,” Rainbow slowly said, taking one with red and green frosting. Postie took one covered in blue and yellow frosting and took a bite.
“Thanks.”
“So what have you two been doing?” Pinkie asked happily, bouncing back towards the counter. Somehow, none of the cupcakes fell off the tray balanced precariously on her flank .
“Well, I have a job now,” Postie said, taking a bit from his cupcake. “Oh wow, this is good.”
“Thanks! And you’re the new mailpony!”
“How did you -  oh, right, my cutie mark. Is it that obvious?” he asked, turning towards his flank.
“Kinda.” She began to hum as she pulled ingredients from a pantry and placed them on a counter. “Plus, I read the other chapter. By the way, nice name Justin. It’s clever.”
The pegasi looked at each other, not knowing what to say about how she knew Justin’s new name or her other comment. “Well, Pinkie, we have to get going now,” Rainbow said warily. “Thanks for the cupcakes.”
“See ya, Dashie! Enjoy your date!”
That simple statement caused Postie to begin choking on his mouthful of cupcake and Rainbow to spit hers out in shock. “We’re not on a date!”
Postie smacked himself in the chest several times to clear his throat. “Why would you think that?”
“Oh come on, its obvious,” she stated with an overly exaggerated eyeroll. “I mean, the way you’ve been hanging around each other, it’s pretty much as if you’ve been dating the whole time! You silly fillies need to stop kidding yourselves about this.”
Postie and Rainbow glanced at each other, both pegasi blushing. “Well, we’ll be going now. See ya Pinkie,” the technicolour speedster said as she hovered. “C’mon, Postie.”
“Bye, Pinkie Pie.”
“See ya! And come back soon!” Pinkie yelled as they disappeared. Then she turned to one of the counters and began talking to it as though it could hear her. “So when am I gonna appear next, huh?”
“Just keep walking,” Rainbow whispered to a worried Postie.
“Really?” he heard the crazy pony ask as he was pushed out of the kitchen. 





“Do I want to know how she’s still allowed out in public?”
“She’s usually harmless,” Rainbow replied. This did little to assuage Postie’s concerns.
“Usually harmless?” he asked, an eyebrow raised. “What happens when she stops being harmless?”
Rainbow shuddered at the memory of her friend’s brief descent into a loneliness-fueled insanity. Brief as it had been, it had left the pegasus quite worried even to this day. “I promised I wouldn’t tell anypony.”
“Ah.” 
The pair continued on in silence as Post Haste tried to think of something to fill the awkward void that had arisen. Eventually he turned to Rainbow. “Why not? It’s not like she’ll find out.”
“No,” Rainbow replied harshly. “I made a promise. And breaking a promise is the quickest way to lose a friend.”
Without warning, Pinkie Pie’s head popped out of a nearby flower pot, yelling “FOREVER!”
This made Postie scream in shock, though Rainbow simply raised an eyebrow. 
“Wha - buh - how?” Postie stuttered.
“Just... ignore it,” Rainbow replied. “It gets easier.”
He tried to force what had happened from his mind and to focus on something completely different. Thankfully, he was saved the trouble when a pony he hadn’t seen for quite some time appeared.
“Rainbow!” 
Both pegasi turned and were greeted with the sight of Rarity, as immaculate and perfect as ever. “Oh hey, Rarity,” the multicolour pegasus replied.
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” the unicorn replied, brushing her mane out of her face.
Rainbow’s eyes narrowed. “If this is about making me a dress, then the answer is no.”
“I’ve long since given up on that,” she replied with a dismissive hoof-wave. “No, I’ve been looking for Justin.”
“Really?” Postie asked.
“Yes, I - oh. I don’t believe we’ve been introduced yet.” Rarity turned to face Rainbow. “Just who is this dashing stallion?” To her surprise both pegasi just gave her matching annoyed stares “What?” she asked innocently.
“Rarity, how is it that you don’t know yet?” Rainbow asked as she slowly shook her head.
“Hasn’t Twilight said anything?” Postie asked.
“Said anything about what?”
“Wow,” Rainbow muttered. 
“You’d think that’d be the sort of thing she’d tell her friends,” Postie responded.
“Has Twilight been keeping a secret?” Rarity asked, eyes gleaming with unhealthy curiosity.
“No, she’s just failed to realize that the fact that Justin is now a pony is kind of important,” Rainbow replied in a deadpan. 
“For somepony so smart, she can really be dumb sometimes,” Postie said.
Rarity ignored that slight insult at her friend and instead focused on the pegasus in front of her. “I must say, you do look quite handsome.”
“Great,” Postie muttered, hanging his head in irritation. “First Rainbow, then Applejack, now you.”
“Hooves off, Rarity,” Rainbow said, hovering menacingly. “He’s mine.”
The unicorn responded by simply looking disgruntled and holding her nose high. “Well, that is just plain rude, Rainbow Dash. Surely it’s his choice, after all.”
“Actually, I already asked Rainbow out,” Postie said quickly, hoping to defuse the situation before it could escalate.
“Oh.” The pegasi weren’t sure, but there seemed to be a note of disappointment in Rarity’s voice. “I see.” She cleared her throat daintily behind a hoof. “Well then, I see no reason to stay. Good day.”
“Wait, didn’t you need me for something?” Postie asked, surprised by her sudden attempt at departure.
“Well, I was under the assumption that you still had two legs. I had a few ideas for clothing so you could get rid of what you had.”
“There was nothing wrong with what I had,” Postie replied acidly. “That was my favorite shirt, y’know.”
“That may be, but it was all you had. And I couldn’t stand to see you wear the same thing day after day.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Really, Rarity? Is that all you care about?”
“Well, one should strive to look their best, no matter what,” Rarity replied haughtily. “Something you could stand to learn, Rainbow.”
Postie rolled his eyes and took to the air. “Yeah, I’m gonna get going now,” he said quietly as he disappeared, wanting nothing to do with the fight that seemed very likely to erupt. “See ya later!”





“Justin, you need to leave.”
“What?”
“I said -”
“I-I heard you clearly,” Postie replied uneasily. “Why, though?”
Twilight shuffled her hooves slowly. “Well, having a second pony living here is making it hard. I’m spending twice as much on food, and I don’t really make many bits to begin with.”
“I have a job now,” Postie interjected. “Shouldn’t that help?”
“It... might,” Twilight replied uneasily as she turned to look outside. Night had fallen and darkness shrouded Ponyville. 
Postie caught her hesitation. “Is something wrong?” he asked, concerned. He hadn’t seen her look so worried before.
“Twilight, what’s the real reason?”
“The... the real reason I’m asking you to leave is... I miss my privacy.” Twilight looked at the ground, ashamed at what she was doing. “I’m being selfish, I know, but -”
“That’s okay, Twilight. We’re all entitled to that.” Postie put on a fake smile, but a look at the pegasus’ eyes told the unicorn how hard he was taking it. “If you want me to go, I will.”
“You don’t have to go straight away,” she said hurriedly, realising she had overstepped some line. 
“No, I really should. I’ve been here two weeks, after all,” he said, his smile widening as the sad look in his eyes deepened.
“You don’t even have anywhere to stay!” Twilight yelled desperately.
“I-I’ll find somewhere,” Postie replied, his tone making it clear he didn’t even believe himself. “Applejack’s place, or maybe Fluttershy’s.”
“No!” Twilight shouted, stamping the ground with a forehoof. “Justin, you’re staying here until you can find a place of your own. And that’s final!”
Twilight’s sudden loudness startled the pegasus, making his ears go flat against his head. As he cringed, he really only noticed one thing in particular. “That’s not my name...”
“What?”
“That’s not my name,” Post Haste repeated, rubbing his ears.
“Yes it is,” the mare replied, feeling lost.
“I have a... well, a pony name.” Wording it like that, he realised, felt odd. “I’m Post Haste now.”
“‘Post Haste?’” Twilight asked. “Did Rainbow suggest that one?”
“No, I came up with that myself.” He thought he could detect a note of humour, as though it was a bad name. “Yes, I know it’s punny, but so is Twilight Sparkle.”
“What?” the mare asked, confused. “No it isn’t.”
“Well, not here, no,” the pegasus conceded. “But where I came from, if you told anybody that was your name you’d get laughed at.” Postie looked up. “Hey, I didn’t say ‘anypony’ for once!”
Twilight decided to push what the stallion had said about her name to the back of her mind. “Look... what were we talking about again?”
Postie opened his mouth before frowning. “I can’t remember.”
There was the sound of somepony clearing their throat off to their side. They both looked and stared before Twilight went into a hurried bow. “What are you doing?” she hissed at the Post Haste. “Get down!”
Postie was simply staring, unable to really process anything. He hadn’t seen this pony before, but he was sure that he knew who it was. After all, there were only two alicorns in Equestria, and this one wasn’t Princess Celestia. 
Before them stood a pony with a mane and tail like the night sky and a coat the shade of midnight.





I am so sorry this is late. Just... trouble in general trying to figure out where to go with this.
> Moonlit Magic
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“Princess Luna?” Postie asked, still in awe at the being in front of him.
“It is us!” she answered loudly, holding her head up high. Her mane trailed in the air behind her with the help of a non-existent wind, as did her tail. 
“Uhh, ‘us?’” Postie asked, the stallion was unable to stop himself from opening his mouth. 
The Princess of the Night blinked before groaning and bringing a hoof to the side of her head. “Do not use the Royal We, Luna. How may times must I tell myself that?” she muttered angrily.
“At least you’re not using the Royal Canterlot Voice anymore,” Twilight said with a nervous chuckle as she straightened.
“That was my sister’s doing. She managed to convince me that it was still proper to address our subjects in that way.” 
Postie noted the somewhat sullen tone the Princess spoke in but decided it didn’t really matter. “Royal Canterlot Voice?” he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.
He saw Twilight duck down and cover her head out of the corner of his eye a moment before a solid wall of air slammed into him, sending him flying across the library. “THIS IS THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE!” Princess Luna yelled, her booming voice deafening the stallion as he slammed into a bookcase, causing the contents to fall on him. “Oh dear,” the Princess said quietly when she saw what she had done.
“Justin?” Twilight asked as she approached the stallion, who was now buried under a small pile of literature. “Are you okay?”
He burst out of the pile with a gasp. “That was loud!” he exclaimed
“Forgive me, Justin. I did not mean any harm,” Luna replied apologetically.
“What?” the pegasus asked loudly. “I can’t hear you.” The unicorn and alicorn shared a worried glance. “My ears are ringing a LOT,” the pegasus said, oblivious to their concern.
“Oh.” The Princess’ horn glowed for less than a second as she restored Postie’s hearing. “There.”
Postie blinked as he shook his head from side to side. “Thank you,” he replied when he had finished.
Luna seemed immensely relieved and let out a small sigh. “I suppose you two are wondering why I am here,” she stated.
“Is this something to do with what you did to me?” Postie asked before Twilight could get a word in edgewise. 
“Exactly...” The alicorn’s voice trailed off. “My sister was not happy with my actions. She seems to think that it’s best that you are returned to how you were.”
There was a short silence. “Princess Luna, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Twilight said slowly.
“You know why I made that wish, don’t you?” Postie asked quietly. 
“Your feelings for a pegasus mare, one of the Elements of Harmony, the Bearer of Loyalty.” 
“Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said automatically.
“I love being a pony. I’m in love with a pony. And it feels right.” Postie looked up at the Princess, the desperation in his eyes clear as the full moon. “And you want to take that away from me?”
“No!” the Princess replied. “My sister... Celestia simply suggested that it might be best to reverse what I did. I can see now that doing so will only end badly.” She raised a hoof to interrupt Postie as he tried to speak up. “I must contact her first, though. To let her know what is going on.” She closed her eyes and her horn began to glow as she began to telepathically communicate with her older sister.
Luna? You know I need to sleep. I’m not nocturnal like you.
Tia, you know I wouldn’t interrupt your sleep unless it was important.
I know, dear sister. Forgive me. There was a pause which Luna interpreted as her sister yawned. 
What requires my attention so desperately that my sleep must be interrupted?
Luna rolled her eyes under her lids, knowing full well Celestia would refuse to drop it. 
The human I turned into a pony.
Ah. There was a pause that made the Princess of the Night nervous. I take it that he refused?
He says that he has fallen in love, both with being a pony and with a pony.
He has? came Celestia’s puzzled reply. This caught Luna off-guard as she was unaccustomed to having information that her sister didn’t. Celestia was always the puppet master, making information a valuable tool. Luna, meanwhile, was much better at thinking on her hooves, making knowledge less valuable. I didn’t expect that to happen when I met him.
Oh?
He seemed content to simply stay here and live out the rest of his life.
The only reason I granted his wish was his feelings. Also, a lot can change in two weeks, Luna said calmly. It took only ten days for -
I thought we agreed not to speak of that, sister. Luna recognised the sadness in her sister’s voice, something that was as rare as a pony like Pinkie Pie. After all, that wasn’t you.
I know, sister. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.
It’s okay, Luna. There was another pause, this one longer and more awkward. I suppose there’s not much choice, is there?
Luna opened an eye and saw Postie helping Twilight replacing the books that had been knocked loose by his impact. She was surprised how easily he managed with hooves and wings. It would certainly seem impolite, seeing how he has learnt to fly so easily.
He has? came the surprised reply. Luna was sure that she could detect a note of joy. Well then, will you require any assistance?
No, it should be simple to alter what I did. Besides, I’m in the company of, as you put it, ‘the most talented unicorn since Starswirl’.
I did say that, didn’t I? Celestia replied, her tone filled with mirth. Okay then, just make sure that she understands what you are to do.
Of course, sister. Good night.
Good night. With that, Celestia severed the telepathic link.
Luna opened her eyes and saw the two ponies looking at her expectantly. “Well?” Twilight Sparkle asked. “What did Princess Celestia say?”
“My sister agreed that it would be best to leave things as they are now.”
Luna had expected the pegasus to be happy, maybe even overjoyed. What she hadn’t expected was for him to crash-tackle her and press his lips against hers. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Postie exclaimed when he stopped. “You have no idea how happy this makes me!”
Twilight stared agape at the scene before her. “W-what are you thinking!?” she screamed when she found her voice.
Postie blinked as reality caught up to him, tapped him on the shoulder and gave him a swift kick to the face. “Princess, I am so sorry!” he said as he took wing and hovered fearfully. He hadn’t meant to assault royalty, and the stunned look on the Moon Goddess’ face made him fear how she might react.
Luna blinked before standing up, ruffling her feathers. “Well, it certainly has been some time since anypony has done that,” she said with a smile. “But I think that the Bearer of Loyalty may misinterpret what you just did.” Chuckling at the worried look Postie was wearing, she turned to Twilight, the unicorn’s expression somewhere between shock and confusion. “Twilight Sparkle, I shall require your assistance.”
“My help? Really?” the mare asked, her chest and ego inflating at the prospect.
“The change I made to your friend here wasn’t permanent.”
“Wait, what?” the pegasus asked.
“I designed it so that its effect would wear off after one week,” Luna explained.
“You combined a transmogrification spell with a time-delayed magical reverser?” Twilight asked, eyes shining with curiosity.
“Yes, I did,” the Princess answered. “And I need your assistance in removing the reverser.”
“You do?” Postie asked. “Can’t you just make your horn glow and undo it?”
His answer came in the form of matching glares from the unicorn and alicorn. “Speak not of what you know nothing about,” Princess Luna said, her tone dangerously quiet.
“Sorry,” the pegasus replied timidly.
“Undoing a time-delayed spell is immensely difficult,” Twilight elaborated. “There’s every chance that we might accidentally set it off. Seeing we’re dealing with a reverser, there’s also the possibility we could undo every bit of magic that has been performed on you since you arrived here. That makes it a two-pony job.”
The pegasus went through a quick list of everything he could remember being done to him, magic-wise. “That... sounds bad.”
“That’s because it is,” Luna replied. “Now hold still. This will be hard enough without you hovering.”
Postie obeyed and landed, doing his best to not move a muscle. He watched as the Princess and Twilight closed their eyes and began to use their magic, their horns glowing much brighter than he had seen. “Can you direct me to where it is?” Twilight asked.
“One moment... There! Do you feel it?” Luna asked back.
“I think so,” Twilight replied. “I can’t be sure, though.”
Post Haste, now enveloped in a warm deep purple glow, began to panic slightly. “Can you make sure before you do anything?” he asked worriedly.
Princess Luna ignored the pegasus. “Yes, you have it. Now you must unravel it slowly.”
Twilight’s face twisted in concentration. “Easy...” she muttered. “Easy... almost there...” 
Luna frowned as she guided Twilight’s magic and provided power where it was needed. She was frowning because of how deeply interwoven the two separate spells were. That hadn’t been her intention when she had wrought the changes upon the human-turned-peagsus’ body. She supposed that she had been too cautious when she had done it, wanting to make sure that nothing went wrong. She would never forgive herself if her over-cautiousness before resulted in disaster now.
Without any warning, Postie jumped into the air and screamed. He felt as though he had just bit on an exposed electrical wire. Every nerve seemed to be on fire, his lungs felt as though they would collapse and he was sure that his heart would stop. Just as suddenly the sensation stopped and he collapsed, groaning in pain. “Oww....”
“Justin!” Twilight opened her eyes and galloped to him, shaking him with a hoof. “Are you okay?”
“Urgh...” was all she could get out of him before he blacked out.
Luna regarded the unconscious pegasus. “I was afraid that might happen,” she muttered sadly.
“Will he be okay?” Twilight asked.
“He’ll feel like he flew through a tornado, but he should be fine.” Luna levitated Postie’s limp body and carried him upstairs. “Let him sleep in, Twilight Sparkle. He’ll need it.”
“Wait,” the unicorn mare said. “Did we do it?” she asked tentatively.
“Hm? Oh yes, we removed it without a problem,” Luna replied. “He’ll be a pony for the rest of his life now.”





When Postie woke up, it was past lunch time and he felt like he had been hit by a freight train, got caught in a stampede, and gone three hours being continuously bucked by Applejack. “Ohh...”
“You’re awake!” a voice next to his bed exclaimed. He turned to see a very happy Rainbow Dash.
“Hey, Rainbow,” he replied weakly. “Why are you here?”
“Twilight told me what happened last night. Something about Princess Luna?” the technicolour pegasus asked.
“Yeah.” Postie got out of the bed, moving as though his legs were made of jelly.
“She says you kissed the Princess?” she asked, disbelieving. Postie stopped moving, frozen in fear. “You did?”
“I swear, Rainbow Dash, I wasn’t thinking when I did that.” Postie’s voice wouldn’t rise above a hoarse whisper, but the desperation in his voice was as clear as day. “I didn’t even know I did it until after it happened.”
“You’re lucky you’re already in so much pain,” the mare said conversationally. “I’d hurt you so bad if you weren’t.”
“Nice to know,” he said as he tried to stretch his wings.





Author's Note:
Approaching the end now, I think. I never know with my stories, so don't take this as a guarantee.
> On The Job
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

IMPORTANT NOTE:
My editor got around to it about 15 hours ago. I suggest re-reading this chapter for the changes he made.





Postie groaned and strained under the weight of the saddlebags. “This is heavy,” he said redundantly.
“You’ll get used to it,” Ditzy replied from the counter. 
“I hope so,” the stallion exclaimed as he managed to get airborne. There wasn’t much room for flight in the post office, but he was still happy that he could achieve flight with what felt like twenty bricks weighing him down. “Is this all of the mail?”
“There might be a few late letters, but yeah, that’s most of it.” Ditzy yawned as she reached for her cup of coffee. “You don’t have to get going for another five minutes or so. By now, most of the town knows we have a new mailpony, so it won’t matter too much if you get a few letters mixed up or late.”
“Oh. That’s good.” There was a brief silence as Ditzy took a sup from her cup. “Hey, are there any good restaurants around here?”
Ditzy raised an eyebrow and aligned both eyes so she could look properly at the stallion. “You do know I’m married, right?” she asked playfully.
Postie rolled his eyes. “I’m asking because there’s a filly I want to take out, and I thought that because you live here you would know a good place to go.”
Ditzy put a hoof to her chin and started to think, her blonde mane hanging limply in front of her lazy eye. “Well, there are a few, but the best is probably Stableside.” Ditzy smiled as she chuckled to herself. “Then again, I don’t think Rainbow Dash is the kind of pony who’d want to go to some fancy restaurant.”
“Yeah, that’s probab- wait. How do you know I was talking about Rainbow?”
Ditzy couldn’t help but laugh at the confused stallion. “One of the best things about being the mailpony is that you get to see everything that happens around here. Lemme see...” One of her eyes drifted lazily as she compiled a mental list of the interesting going-ons within Ponyville. “The Cakes are considering hiring Bon Bon, Quill and Sofa is about to go under, Aloe and Lotus the Spa Ponies are having a rather nasty fight and Big Macintosh is trying to work up the resolve to ask Fluttershy out.”
Postie blinked as he took all that in. He didn’t know anything about the first three things the wall-eyed mare had said, but the last one he definitely did. “Wait. Big Macintosh. Red coat, orange mane, barely speaks?”
“Yep.”
“And Fluttershy? Butter yellow, pink mane, scared of her own shadow?”
“Uh huh.”
“And he’s trying to - ?”
“Yep.”
The stallion hovered there, his hooves moving through the air as he tried to pull some incredible mental gymnastics. “One of them barely talks to anypony, the other hides behind her own mane. If that goes anywhere, I will give you a hundred bits.”
Ditzy chuckled. “Maybe you should wait until you get paid before making that kind of promise?” the mailmare asked. Postie kept his mouth shut, silently conceding that she had a point. “Oh, there was one other thing.”
“There was?” Postie asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.
“Yeah. That strange monkey-thing that was living with Twilight Sparkle. It vanished. Nopony else really seems to care, either.” She put her head on her hoof again and went deep into thought. “And then you started living there.”
Postie started to stammer, trying to think of a good lie. “Oh, uh, y’see, there’s a good reason. It’s, uh, um...” He fell silent and decided that giving up would be a good idea.
Ditzy’s eyes narrowed and both pupils focused on him again. “I knew it. I knew it!” she said triumphantly. “Can you do me a favor?”
“Uh, I guess?” the confused stallion asked warily.
“I need you to tell Carrot Top that you are that monkey-thing.”
“Human,” Postie corrected. “And why?”
“She owes me ten bits, that’s why.”
“Okay then,” Postie said as he hovered towards the door. As he reached for the door knob, he paused and turned to the mare. “Why don’t you care that a little over a week ago I wasn’t a pony?”
Dtizy shrugged and pulled her eyes into a brilliant ‘derp’ expression. “Uhh, I dunno?” she asked, doing what Postie could only think of as a ‘rich white girl’ voice. “You live with the most powerful unicorn in Equestria. She’s in regular correspondence with the Princesses. Something had to happen eventually,” she said as she rolled her eyes, one making the full rotation before the other.
“That... makes sense,” Postie admitted. Too much sense, he thought. Looking at the grey pegasus mare, he couldn’t help but feel there was more to her than her rather simple appearance. There was a depth to her that made him worried. “Anyway, I have letters to deliver.”
“Have fun!” Ditzy called out as he disappeared.





His first stop on his route was Sweet Apple Acres.
“Mornin’!”
“Hey, Applejack!”
“First day on the job?”
“Yeah.” Postie stuck his head into his left saddlebag and, somehow, pulled out three letters addressed to Sweet Apple Acres. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” Applejack looked at the letters and scowled. “Ah, horseapples,” she muttered. Postie blinked. “Bills,” she said in explanation.
“Ah. Sorry about that.” Postie hovered and scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
“Ah, it’s not yer fault. Yer just the messenger. It’d be wrong to blame ya.” She waved him off with a hoof. “Now get goin’. Doncha got letters ta deliver?”
“Right. See ya later.”
“Bye!” Applejack called out as the pegasus flew back to Ponyville.





It was around midday when he got to the library with something for the unicorn who called it home.
“Now I know why my saddlebags were so heavy.”
Twilight levitated the pair of heavy tomes behind her as she gave the mailpony a sheepish grin. “Sorry. I didn’t think they would be a problem.”
“I nearly put my back out for a pair of books about...” Postie leaned over and read the title. “About ‘Ancient Legends and Tales’? Really?”
“I’m researching,” Twilight replied tersely.
“Hey, I’m not judging,” Posite said quickly, throwing his hooves up in a defensive manner.
Much...





“Oh... I have a letter?”
“The envelope has your name on it, so unless there is another pony called Fluttershy flying around here somewhere...” Postie and Fluttershy stood outside her little cottage, him looking at her as she grasped the envelope while still hiding behind her mane.
“No... I’m the only pony with that name,” the timid pegasus replied, completely missing the point. Postie rolled his eyes as he passed her the letter. “I wonder who it’s from,” Fluttershy said quietly. “I don’t usually get mail.”
“If you open it, you’ll see who sent it,” the mailpony said, pointing out the painfully obvious.
“Oh. Right.” Fluttershy delicately ripped off the top of the envelope and pulled out the letter as though it might explode. Postie decided that then would be a good time to continue on his rounds. Because of his departure, he failed to see the mix of joy and confusion written on the mare’s face as he flew off.





“Oh, thank you so much!”
“I’m just doing my job,” Postie replied bashfully, blushing slightly. The bright blue earth pony with the pink mane in front of him was quite pretty, he would freely admit, and the way she batted her eyelids was more than a bit distracting. He also found her accent, whatever it happened to be (the pony equivalent of French, maybe?) quite alluring. 
“Are you sure you can’t stay?”
“I’d love too, but the other ponies need their mail.” And I don’t want to know what Rainbow would do to me if she caught me here. He turned around to leave but found the door closed.
“Lotus!” another voice, similar yet subtly different to the mare behind him, called out. They both turned to see a mare whose mane and tail’s colours were the inverse of Lotus’. She also looked remarkably similar, “Please don’t tell me you are doing what I think you’re doing,” she asked, the disappointment clear for all to hear.
“Why does it concern you, Aloe?” Lotus asked, her voice making it clear that she wanted nothing to with this other one.
There were a number of thoughts going through Postie’s mind. Among them was Oh sweet Celestia they must be sisters and This feels like a bad porno. The most prevalent thought was I need to get out of here before Rainbow kills me.
“Because the last stallion you seduced tried to grab me.” Aloe was glowering at her sister, but Postie didn’t notice this; he was too focused on keeping his wings from popping up involuntarily.
“He said he was sorry!” Lotus replied, her voice filled with anger. “Why can’t you just accept that and move on?”
Postie didn’t hear any more as he had taken the fact that both sisters were looking the other way to make good his escape, the door slamming shut by the time he was halfway across Ponyville.





“I think I know why the Spa Ponies are fighting,” Postie said when he returned to the post office that afternoon.
“Hmn?” Ditzy asked as she looked up from the paperwork she was filling out, pen still in her mouth.
“Something to do with -”
“Abuh-buh-buh-buh!” Ditzy exclaimed, spitting the pen out so hard that it bounced and struck the ceiling. From there it sailed down and stung Postie in the flank, making him yelp in shock.
“Ow!”
“Sorry,” Ditzy replied apologetically. “Didn’t mean to do that.”
“That’s okay,” the stallion said as he rubbed where the small missile had struck. “Why did you spit the pen out, anyway?”
“I only told you those things this morning because more than half the town knows about all of that,” Ditzy explained. “Almost everypony knows that Aloe and Lotus are at each other’s throats, it’s having a serious affect on their business. What nopony knows is why.”
“But I know,” Postie pointed out, a little confused at the turn of events.
“And unless they say you can tell anypony else, it has to stay that way,” the blonde mare replied seriously. “Understand?”
“But why?” the stallion asked. “Telling somepony about this might go a long way to making things better.”
“It might, but you’d be breaking their trust. And as a mailpony, that’s twice as bad.”
“It is?” Postie asked, nonplussed.
Ditzy stared at him for a moment before comprehension dawned. “Right, you don’t know the history of Equestria.”
“I know about Nightmare Moon and Discord.”
“Yes, but there was a lot before that.” Ditzy took a deep breath before she went into her explanation. “Thousands of years ago, the three kinds of ponies were at war. Kind of. Mailponies, back then, were even more important than we are now.”
“Because they carried information about troop movements and supply lines?”
Ditzy raised an eyebrow at his interruption. “That’s a good guess.”
Postie shrugged. “You would not believe some of the stuff humans have done. So, that trust from all those years ago is still around?”
“A lot of ponies don’t remember the exact reason, but yeah. A mailpony is expected to deliver the message without revealing to anypony else what it says, and to do so without looking at it themselves.” Ditzy flew over the desk and retrieved the pen. “That’s why you can’t say a thing about Aloe and Lotus unless they ask you to. A mailpony who can’t be trusted doesn’t last long.”
Postie took all that in as he replaced the saddlebags. It all made sense. The same thing could be said of messengers on Earth. He was still a little disturbed that a race that seemed to practically worship the idea of love and tolerance were once capable of warfare, but Ditzy had said that it was thousands of years ago. 
“You can go if you want,” Ditzy said, snapping him out of his reverie. “Any letters we get after four get put with tomorrow’s stuff, and it’s four thirty.”
“No, I should help,” Postie said, landing behind the counter.
“I’m your boss. I’m telling you to leave,” she said seriously before letting a smile through. “While you were out there, I was able to catch up on two weeks of paperwork. You’ve been a big enough help already. Besides, I think Rainbow wouldn’t mind spending a bit of time with you,” she said slyly, nudging him the in the rubs with a wing.
“Okay, okay, I’ll go,” Postie said, relenting. “I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.”
“I better see you tomorrow. Remember what I said about being trustworthy.”





Author's Notes
Okay, definitely nearing the end now.
The reason behind Post Haste's colouration is that I chose it to partly resemble the United States Postal Service uniform. They're a damn sight more reliable than Australia Post, I've heard.
Oh, and if anyone wanted a picture of Post Haste, and even if you didn't, here's one someone drew because I asked nicely.

> Happy Ending
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

IMPORTANT NOTE
My proof-reader seems to have AWOL. It certainly looks that way. 
If this chapter changes don't be surprised, it's just him getting to me with whatever changes he feels are necessary.





Rainbow Dash woke from her nap atop a cloud. She looked around and saw that the sun was just beginning to set. As she stretched, she realised that she wasn’t alone on the cloud. Next to her was the still form of Post Haste, the stallion’s wings hanging limply as he lightly snored. Rainbow was confused. She was at least ninety percent sure that she had been alone when she had fallen asleep. The other ten percent, though, couldn’t help but feel that what she may have been dreaming might have actually happened.
Warily, she nudged him with a hoof. “Postie?”
Post Haste opened his eyes and looked around. “What time is it?” he asked sleepily.
“I’d say around five,” Rainbow replied. 
“Okay.” The stallion stood up and made a show of stretching, flapping his wings to get a bit of feeling back in them. “So?” he asked.
“So... what?” Rainbow asked back, feeling very lost.
“So... was it as good for you as it was for me?” The stallion was wearing a sly expression, one eyebrow raised as he looked at the mare in front of him.
“As good for me as it...” Realisation came crashing down onto Rainbow like a tidal wave. “WHAT!?” she screamed loudly. “You mean... we.... but I... when... ARGH!” She threw her hooves into the air in frustration as she tried to figure out just what was going on. 
“Err...” Postie looked around awkwardly. “Rainbow... I was just messing around. We didn’t actually do anything.”
Rainbow paused and looked at the stallion, giving him her best death glare. “What.” 
“I thought it would be a good joke,” Postie said timidly.
“A good joke? A good joke!?” Rainbow yelled.
“Hey!” Postie felt a rush of courage and looked the mare in the eye. “You’re allowed to make me think that you’re having ‘happy’ dreams, but I can’t make you think we actually did something?”
“It’s different!” Rainbow said defensively.
“How so?” Postie asked with a mean smile, confident that he had just won.
“Because... uhh...” The technicolour mare had raised a hoof to punctuate her points but, upon realising that she had none, used it to face-hoof. “Fine,” she said in defeat. “There is no difference.” She pulled her hoof off her face and sighed before slumping into a sulk.
“Rainbow, I am sorry. I didn’t think you’d take it so bad.”
“Nah, it’s okay. I guess I deserved that.” She looked up to see the stallion was relieved. That, in turn, made her feel relieved. “So how was work?” she asked, trying to change the subject.
“It was fun,” Postie said with a smile, glad to leave behind the general awkwardness that had been their precious topic. “Except for when I had to go to the spa.”
“Uh, I hate that place,” Rainbow said with an eyeroll.
“It was worse for me,” Postie said, pawing nervously at the cloud.
“How so?”
“One of them... tried to... come on to me.” He chose each word carefully, hoping that Rainbow would find the humour in the situation. Unfortunately, she didn’t.
“What?” she asked, this time sounding distressed.
“Nothing happened!” Postie was quick to reassure. “The other one distracted the first so I could get away.”
“Oh. Good.” Rainbow smiled seductively as a thought crossed her mind. “I’ve got an idea,” she said, leaning close to Postie.
“Am I gonna like this?” he asked, a little worried that their snouts were almost touching.
“Oh yeah.” She pressed her lips against his and both pegasi got lost in the kiss, holding each other tight as though letting go would result in them losing each other forever.
Postie pulled away from the kiss and grinned. “I like this.” He leaned in to continue but was met by a cyan hoof.
“Come with me.” Rainbow waggled her rump before taking flight, a slightly confused Postie following. She led him to her cloud home and opened the door. “Go on,” she said, gesturing inside.
Postie stepped in slowly, wondering what this was all about. He had taken three steps in when the door slammed shut. He turned around to see Rainbow pouncing at him. He ended up on his back with a thud that shouldn’t have been possible. As he tried to make sense of what was happening, Rainbow pressed her lips against his. Taking his cue they embraced each other again, neither of them noticing the mess the room was in nor caring. 
All that seemed to matter at that point in time was the pony they were kissing and how they felt in their hooves. They kissed as though their lives depended on it, as though to stop would be death. They lost track of the time spent in each others’ hooves, only knowing that it was unimportant. The stars could have died and the sun burnt out, and they wouldn’t have noticed, so lost in each other they were.
Eventually they stopped to regain their breath. “Is... is this going... where I think it’s going?” he panted, looking down at the mare he loved. Rainbow’s response was to simply nod before reaching back up for another kiss.





And they totally did it.





And that's it for this part! Stay tuned for the sequel. Maybe this time next week? I dunno. I ain't promising shit.