> Dentistry Sucks
>  by Multi Personas
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> Prologue
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Prologue
“Miss Dash, are you sure that you floss after each and every meal?” Colgate asked the rainbow maned wonder as she canceled out her magic around Dash's muzzle.
“Of course, my wings aren't the only thing that I take care of,” Rainbow Dash said, a big smile on her face, showing she was swelling with pride. Colgate just fixed her with a raised brow in a 'yeah right' kind of look. Dash nervously swallowed and sheepishly chuckled. “I-I may have skipped once or twice?” she nervously said, putting emphasis on the “may”.
“Once or twice, huh?” Colgate muttered to herself. “Well you're lucky you brush every night.”
“Why?” Dash asked as Colgate turned away from her patient and towards a long metal desk, sitting in a chair with wheels.
“Because, if you didn't, then a few teeth would have cavities and we would need to drill into them,” Colgate said as she picked up a quill and dunked it in an inkwell and started to fill out a sheet of paper. “Possible pull them.”
“Oh,” Dash said, laying there. She was starting to feel a little awkward, laying in the chair, looking up at the ceiling, the only sounds in the room being the ticking of the clock on the wall and the scratch of Colgate's quill. After a few minutes of this, Colgate set her quill aside and used her magic to quickly dry the ink.
“Ok Miss Dash,” Colgate said, standing up. She used her magic to lower the chair Rainbow Dash was laying in and reclined it upwards. She floated the piece of paper to Rainbow Dash, who took it in her hooves. “Give that paper to Miss Butter at the front desk, and have a good night. Remember to floss.”
“Roger,” Rainbow Dash said with a quick salute. Colgate turned back and sat back at her desk. Rainbow Dash stopped just before the door when she spotted a colorful something hanging right beside the door. Her eyes widened and sweat started to form on her brow as her eyes quickly shifted from Colgate to the item hanging by the door.
“Just take one Miss Dash,” Colgate said, slightly impatient, looking through her appointment calender.
Rainbow Dash let out a squee and tore off a sticker from the sticker reel. It was a sticker of the Wonderbolts with “A clean mouth is what helps the Wonderbolts fly!” printed on it. With her new sticker she dashed out of the room, letting the door close behind her.
Colgate just gave a small sigh and started to pack up her stuff in her saddle bags. Rainbow Dash was her last patient and she was dieing to get home. Just as she was about to get up to turn out the lights when her door opened and a creme colored mare with a dark blue mane poked her head through the door.
“Dr. Colgate?” she asked, a little nervously.
“Yes Miss Butter?” Colgate asked as she stood up.
“Um, well there's sort of a late patient,” she said with a sheepish smile.
“Late patient?” Colgate repeated raising an eyebrow.
“Uh, yeah.”
Colgate groaned very loudly before hanging her head. “Send her in. And Coco, go home. I'll see her out.” Miss Butter nodded once with a smile and brought her head back in. Colgate blew out a breath of air and, using her magic, opened one of the cupboards that lined the walls, and pulled out a set of clean examination tools. She wouldn't be able to do anything but give a quick examination and have them set an appointment to come back later.
The door opened and Colgate called out, “Just have a seat in the chair,” she was adding something to her appointment calender.
“Ok,” a sweet voice said, followed by the rustling of the chair fabric. Colgate spun around to see a purple unicorn with purple hair with a single pink highlight in it.
“Ok, Miss...” Colgate trailed off.
“Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight said, confidently with a nice smile that revealed pearly whites. But Colgate knew some ponies covered up their yellowing teeth. There was no fooling her.
“Miss Sparkle. Ok, Miss Sparkle, here's the deal. I'm already late for an appointment, so the best I can do now is a quick examination, then have you set up another appointment to deal with the damage,” Colgate explained as she rose and reclined the chair to accommodate her height.
“Oh I’m sorry, I didn't mean to hold you up, but I don't think that there will be anything wrong with my teeth,” Twilight said, once again with confidence.
“Oh?” Colgate asked half-heartily. She had hear ponies say that, then need to have three teeth pulled. 
“Yup!”
Colgate just rolled her eyes as she sat down at her desk, pulling out a blank patient sheet. “So this is your first time here, right?”
“Yes.” Colgate wrote this down.
“Any pains in the teeth or gums?”
“Nope,” Colgate wrote this down as well.
“How many times a day do you brush your teeth?”
“Three times, one after each meal.” Colgate smirked at this. She highly doubted Twilight was telling the truth, but she wrote it down as well. This continued for a few more seconds until Colgate had the basics written down.
“Alright, lets have a look at those teeth,” Colgate said, standing up and approached Twilight, her tools in her magic. Twilight opened her mouth up as wide as it could go and Colgate began.
She started my quickly looking at the outer layer of all her teeth, which were pearly white, then the backs of them. She then started to tap on a few of her teeth, but it all looked like it was all in order. With a hum she brought her tools out of Twilight's mouth and started to cast a spell.
Colgate's horn took on a light blue aura which matched a light blue aura that started to surround a section of Twilight's teeth. Inside the blue aura surrounding Twilight's teeth was what looked like the night sky, with small white dots that looked like the stars moving around in space. In the darkness, amongst the stars, was an outline of Twilight's teeth, a lighter darkness filling where her teeth were. 
This spell slowly moved across Twilight's top teeth, then moved onto her bottom teeth. When it reached the last tooth Colgate stopped casting the spell and leaned back with a hum.
“Curious,” Colgate said, using her magic to decline the chair and lower it to the ground.
“What's curious?” Twilight asked, surprised that the examination was over so fast.
“You are the second pony to ever walk through those doors with perfect teeth. Me being to first,” Colgate said as she sat down in her chair.
“Really?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah, not a lot of ponies take care of their teeth here in Ponyville,” Colgate said as she stood up. Using her magic she levitated her saddle bags to her and set them on her back. “Since you have good teeth and apparently don't need to set up an appointment, both of us can get out of here.”
“Oh, right. You said you were late for an appointment?” Twilight asked as she scrambled out of her chair. “I don't want to keep you any longer.”
“Good,” Colgate said, not meaning there to be any malice but sure it was there anyways. She walked up to the door and turned off the light once Twilight was through it. Colgate closed the door behind her and made her way to the front door of her building.
“Shouldn't I pay?” Twilight asked, hesitantly as she walked through the front door. Colgate followed and, using her magic, locked the door.
“I didn't do much so don't worry about it,” Colgate said, a small smile on her muzzle. She took a second to look up at the sky. The sun was setting, but it wasn't completely down. “Well Mrs. Sparkle, I must be going. Just keep up whatever it is you're doing, and you'll be fine.”
“Ok, thank you very much and have a goodnight,” Twilight said with a smile and a nod before walking away.
“Yeah you too,” Colgate yelled after her, heading in the opposite direction. She let out a deep breath and shook her mane, pieces of light blue and white falling in her eyes. She cracked her neck as she walked through the late night business district, eager to get home and get to her own appointment. A few ponies were still milling around, getting the rest of their shopping done for the day, but she weaved through them well enough.
Colgate let her mind wander while she navigated through the streets and she thought about the weekend ahead of her. Tomorrow she was going to go get a book to read, then she was going to hang out with Derpy, then Sunday she was going to go to Bon Bon's Sweets to sample a new type of chocolate treat Bon Bon made, and things. She was having pleasant thoughts about chocolate when another type of thought decided to invade her mind. Something purple, and round, and hypnotizing. It was Twilight's ass. A smile played at Colgate's lips as she day dreamed about Twilight in manners that would make a minotaur blush. Colgate's last partner was a sweet mare back in high school that ended upon graduation, it was mutual, so when Colgate saw a mare she found attractive she had a bad habit of imagining them in uncouth situations.
In her daydreaming she barely realized that she had managed to make it back to her home sweet home, a single floored, small blue house, which suited her well. The house itself was a two bedroom and one bath, though why she chose such a house instead of a small studio apartment or something,  even she didn't know. It was purely on impulse. It was just her by herself. She magicked her keys out of her saddlebags and inserted the right one in the keyhole, she shoved the door open when it was unlocked and floated her saddlebags to a lazy colt chair and closed the door with her hind leg before making her way to the kitchen. Her fridge to be exact.
She opened it and pulled out a nice cold bottle of rum with her magic and cracked her neck as she made her way back to her living room.
“My appointment may be at nine, but it never hurt to be early,” she muttered to herself, turning on her stereo with one strand of magic while she opened the bottle and took a big drink of the rum with another. She shivered as it made its way down her throat.
Punk rock music made its way to Colgate's ear and she cracked a smile, the first real one all day. There was nothing quite like nice music and a bottle of rum to unwind on a Friday evening. She laid down on her back on her very comfortable couch. She wiggled, snuggling deeper into the couch with a very content smile on her face. Colgate was safe and comfortable in her house and she was getting giddy, but that could have been the rum in her system. Even though Colgate drank herself to sleep every Friday, she couldn't hold her liquor very well but she had fun with her party of one. She used to have thoughts like “Do other ponies think I’m an alcoholic?” or “Do I really need to drink this much?” but she stopped thinking like that. She didn't have a problem, and she could stop anytime she wanted, as she had done before when she really needed to.
She took another heavy drink from her bottle and felt her eyes start to droop. It couldn't be later then six, but on Fridays she often went to bed early. But it was early, even for her, so she just settled for bobbing her head to the beat of the music and taking long drinks from the bottle.
“Ah, now this is the life!” Colgate yelled to her ceiling, giddy from the rum. She drained the rest of the bottle in one gulp and let it hit the carpet with a hard thump! And her eyelids fell with a soft flutter, the rum having another opinion on when it was time to go to bed.
> Chapter 1
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Chapter 1

“Mmm,” Colgate moaned as she stretched out her hooves, her front ones going over the top of her couch that she was laying on. She blearily blinked away her sleepiness and smacked her mouth a few times, still tasting the rum from last night's appointment, punk music still playing in the background. Colgate slowly sat up, used her magic to turn off the music, and started her way down the hall and into the first door on her right, which was her bathroom.
She passed the sink and toilet and stood directly into her shower, right under the shower head. She exhaled, It's ok. It wont be that bad, right? Oh come on, you do this ever morning. I made a very good point. So Colgate bit the metaphorical bit and used her magic to turn on the water, to a normal temperature, warm water spilled from the nozzle and dampened her hooves, then she pulled the thing for the shower head. 
Colgate was suddenly grasped by an icy demon from the lands of beyond, her barrel seeming like it collapsed in on her and true fear shot through her like electricity, making her gasp quickly. Then came the warm water, washing her icy demon down the drain. Colgate let out a very appreciative sigh for warm water and took a time to praise it before washing herself.
Fifteen minutes later and Colgate stepped out, using her magic to dry her mane and coat with a light green towel, she used another strand to brush her teeth, making sure to get in between teeth and the such. She even flossed. After her floss she went back into her living room where she looked at the clock and saw that she was right on time for her lunch date with some friends. 
Using her magic she picked up her saddlebags from her chair and tied them around her waist before stepping out in the warm summer afternoon air. She locked her door behind her and walked down to the road, heading west to the market. Only a few seconds after she started off she heard a familiar boyish voice call out “Hey, Colgate!”
Colgate stopped and looked back to see two mares hurrying to catch up. The tallest one, a gray Pegasus mare with a messy blonde mane and tail and crossed golden eyes, and the shorter one, an orange Earth Pony mare with a curly orange mane and tail with eyes, the color of the trees the lined the roads, looking ahead.
“Hey Derpy. Hey Carrot Top,” Colgate greeted them both with a smile, when they caught up they continued on their way to the market. “So where do you girls want to eat today?”
“Hmm, where haven't we eaten yet?” Carrot Top asked, tapping a hoof to her chin.
“Oh! How about that fancy small cafe that opened recently?” Derpy asked.
“I've been there, their food isn't the best,” Colgate said, making a face of slight disgust. “Anypony up for pizza?”
“Yeah!” Derpy and Carrot Top answered together, making them both giggle. Colgate only smiled, couples made her laugh.
“Then lets go!” Colgate said, racing off to the pizza place, both of her friends following with smiles just as big as hers. 

$

It was a little after noon when they parted ways, each of them full of pizza and soda and tales of the week.
“See you later Colgate!” Derpy called after Colgate as they left.
“Later!” Colgate couldn't help it but smile even bigger, walking in the opposite direction. Colgate LOVED the weekends because it was when the true her could come out. At work she was often times stuffy and stiff, especially at the end of the day, but when the weekend started she became an almost completely different mare. It also helped that it was a beautiful day. A little too warm for Colgate, she was a fall type of girl, but even she had to admit that it was a beautiful day. The birds were chirping, there was a light breeze that carried the wondrous smells of the fields of flowers just outside of town.
She didn't have anything else to do today, and she was trying to find something to do. She started to just wander around, taking in the sights. Brightly colored buildings lined the streets, she could pop into Sugarcube Corner and grab a few sweets, but she just ate and she was trying to keep weight off. She was fat once, during her high school years and it made her life hell, so she made a promise that she would never get that big again.
But she needed something to do! It wasn't until she spotted a young colt with a foal's book in his little saddle bags that she realized that she hasn't been to the library in a very long time. She was just too busy, with work and such, but she had free time right now, so what the hay. Colgate didn't really think that she would finish the book, but still, why not? She just had to remember where the library was.
She set off in what she thought was the right direction and let her mind wander. It's been a real long time since she had been to the library, the last time she went Dusty Page was still the librarian, but when he died there was nobody to take it over. About a month or so after someone new took over the library but Colgate never got around to going back.
After about ten minutes or so of walking Colgate had managed to find her way to the library. A sign out front read “Golden Oaks Library”. Colgate looked up from the sign and looked at the giant tree that was renovated to become a library. There was once a sort of Ponyville piece of lore that every book that the library held was made from the parts of the tree that were hollowed out, but that was debunked the moment anypony saw that a shipment truck had delivered new books some odd years ago.
Even though the sign in the window said “Open” Colgate knocked three times before opening the door. A bell above the door chimed as Colgate opened the door. Colgate looked around and saw a door to her left some and stairs next to that, and books filling the carved out bookshelves in the wooden walls. 
“Hello?” a voice called from the stairs, Colgate looked up and blinked in surprise. “Miss Colgate?”
“Miss Sparkle, what are you doing here?” Colgate asked in surprise.
“I live here, are you here for a book?” Twilight asked, a smile on her face.
“Oh, um yes, the sign said you were open,” Colgate said, trailing off. Colgate was a little shocked to meet the mare whom she imagined in very intimate thoughts only the night before. Colgate never thought she would have seen Twilight anytime soon. Of course now Colgate couldn't help but have a slight blush upon her face, thinking Twilight could somehow see into her thoughts.
“Of course, though I wasn't expecting anypony was going to come in today. Are you looking for a specific book?” Twilight asked, seeming to ignore or not notice the new color in Colgate's face. She walked past Colgate to the shelves, looking at them in anticipation to look.
“Oh, um, right,” Colgate stammered out, momentarily forgetting what she was doing. “Nothing specific, maybe something that has to do with fantasy?”
“Fantasy? Sure!” Twilight exclaimed, going to the right book shelf. “What sub-genre?”
“Adventure, probably,” Colgate said, thinking what sounds good.
“Adventure?” Twilight repeated to herself. Twilight began looking more closely. “Ah ha! How about Dire's Activity?” Twilight floated it over to Colgate, who took it in her magic.
Colgate read the back of the book and smiled to herself. It sounded like a really good book. “Alright, this sounds pretty good,” Colgate said, looking up from the book, just in time to see Twilight using a ladder to read some higher up books.
“I have some more books if you're interested,” Twilight said, looking at more titles. Twilight was leaning at such a way that Colgate had a rather nice view of Twilight's rump, which made the blush of Colgate's face an even more noticeable red.
“Uh-uh-um, nah, it's cool. Thanks though,” Colgate said, having to tear her eyes away from such a nice view.
“Alrighty then,” Twilight said, getting down from the ladder. She used her magic to levitate a rather large and dusty book from somewhere. She floated it down onto a coffee table that was surrounded by a few sofas and chairs. “Ok,” Twilight said, cracking open the tome. It was filled with nothing but names. “Have you checked out any books here before?”
“Uh, yeah, a few years ago,” Colgate said, gathering around the little coffee table.
“Ok, what name am I looking for?” Twilight asked, flipping through the pages.
“Colgate Minuette,” Colgate said.
“Ok, let's see,” Twilight muttered to herself as she flipped through pages. “Aha! Colgate Minuette!... Oh dear.”
“What's wrong?” Colgate asked, afraid something was wrong.
“It seems as though you have a book that is long over due,” Twilight said, looking a bit closer. Colgate tried to rack her brain for an answer but couldn't quite come up with anything. “A book called 'How to erase your past Volume 8, collectors edition' by Gregory Lockhoof?”
“Oooh,” Colgate said, she knew which book she was talking about. It seemed like a very good read so she picked it up. “Right, heh, how much do I owe?” she asked, rubbing the back of her head with a hoof and a sheepish smile on her face.
“Hmm, let me see...” Twilight said, getting out a sheet of paper and a quill. She did some math, muttering to her self. “At 25 cents per day, it will be 273.75 bits.”
“Oh,” Colgate said, shocked. "Heh, anyway that can be over looked on account of you being the new librarian?"
"Sorry, I'd love to, but i really can't," Twilight appoligised, she really did look very sorry.
"Really? Oh man," Colgate said with a grimace.
“Uh, yeah,” Twilight said, it became awkward between the two.
“Could I pay that later?” Colgate asked, sheepishly. “I don't really have that many bits to drop at the moment, heh."
“Oh, of course!” Twilight said, getting up. “Go ahead and take the book, just bring back the other one later, ok?”
“Sure, thank you very much!” Colgate said with a smile. “I'll see you around Mrs. Twilight,”
“Just call me Twilight,” She said.
“Call me Colgate,” Colgate said with a smile. And with that Colgate left with a heavy fine on her mind along with a purple butt.